#posting this here so i can feel proud of my progress because i keep saying i have writer's block when really

[jinnie-ret]

If ur taking rq still can I rq a skz x 15 year old girl in training (like that protection gic you wrote ) and how they react to her being good at producing, singing, rapping and dancing but they didnt know she could do all that until they keep running into her or maybe look for her because they ordered fkkd for her too eat with them and they see her in her rehearsals and in her dance practice room learning like idk an itzy choreo or sum by herself and they see shes improved since they last saw her do everything? Ig like a little Ace if u would like to put It that way!

It's ok if u don't want to or can't do this tho! Love ur writing💕

ace of hearts

stray kids x reader (platonic)

genre: fluff

content warnings: none

word count: 1.1k

summary: stray kids have nothing but good things to say about the upcoming ace of jyp.

I hope you enjoy! There's a small excerpt of a song Y/N has written herself which I actually wrote (it's a hobby of mine hehe) so if you want me to post the whole thing I'll do so, maybe as a poem haha

My asks are currently shut but if you want to be added to my taglist, do let me know! And if you liked it, please reblog and like! :)

MAIN MASTERLIST

Shoulder shimmying had never been so hard, but Y/N seemed to have finally gotten down the choreo to ITZY's 'Wannabe', the members of Stray Kids seeming to think so too. They had just been looking around for a room to practice in when they came across their young trainee friend, who they hadn't seen for a while due to their busy schedule.

A small applause sounded from behind Y/N, making her jump as she saw the door open and Stray Kids clapping for her.

"Ah! Hello sunbaenims!" Y/N blushed and bowed politely. She wasn't expecting to see them there, so absorbed into practising for her next showcase.

"Hi there!"

"Annyeong!"

"Wow!"

They all let out greetings as they walked over excitedly to Y/N.

"How has everything been? It's been a while since we saw you," Jeongin smiled widely at Y/N, trying to ease the obvious nerves he saw from her.

"Have you been practicing regularly? Your dancing has improved a lot," Changbin nodded his head in approval.

"Ah, you really think I've improved?! Yeah I've been practising a lot these days..." Y/N bashfully admitted, rubbing her sweaty palms on her leggings. Was it from exercising or from nerves? She wasn't quite so sure herself.

"We can see that. You're better at dancing and freestyling than us now," Lee Know laughed, praising the younger girl jokingly, but there was still a hint of seriousness to it that showed Y/N he was proud of her, and that helped her relax more.

"Maybe one day even Jisung will be jealous of your dancing skills," Felix laughed, causing the quokka like man to look over at him with a mock appalled face.

"Haha maybe I'll take his place as the ace," Y/N smirked, feeling comfortable enough to joke around with them. It wasn't a regular occurrence that she saw the boys but everytime she did, she was soon able to fall back into a relaxed state where it felt like she had known them forever.

"No way! You will never be as talented as me!" Jisung smirked back, yet he couldn't help but goofily smile back at her as he ruffled her hair.

"Well, we're glad you're practicing so hard. Would you like to have some fried chicken with us?" Seungmin piped up, his eagle eyes noticing that she only seemed to have some water in the room with her. Plus, he remembered what it was like being a trainee, and an offer of fried chicken would not be one to be turned down.

"Oh sure! If there's enough to go around!" Y/N clasped her hands together excitedly.

"Of course there's enough food! We're so proud of all your progress by the way, we can tell how hard you've been working, Y/Nnie," Chan praised her, as they all sat down together on the floor.

"Here, eat up," Hyunjin passed over a box of fried chicken to Y/N from the bags of fast food they had.

"Just remember to take a lot of rest too," Jisung commented genuinely, yet anyone could tell he, as well as the other members were very much so enthralled with the heaven sent food in front of them.

"Don't worry I do!" Y/N rushed out, before taking a bite of the fried chicken and wiggling slightly as she did a happy dance.

"You're so cute when you're excited!" Felix giggled as he saw her.

"That's exactly what Channie hyung does," Seungmin laughed along.

There was a moment of peaceful eating before Chan kept up the conversation.

"Oh yeah, we wanted to ask you something! Are you good at rapping?" Chan wondered, wiping his hands on a napkin.

"Well, I don't want to brag but I think I'm pretty good," Y/N shrugged, she had practiced enough and knew she was at JYP for a reason, and her talents certainly didn't go to waste when it came to rapping.

"Oh yeah? You actually rap too? I had no idea. Have you tried writing your own lyrics before?" Changbin got excited at the prospect of hearing Y/N rap.

"I'm not as confident in writing rap lyrics as I am in singing them if that makes sense?" Y/N explained, hoping it was understandable.

"I get what you mean. You must be very talented though since you can sing so well," Lee Know wondered.

"Do you happen to write your own songs too or do you learn songs from other artists?" Chan asked, interested in what her identity as a future artist would be.

"Oh I like to write my own songs too!" Y/N beamed. Now that, was an area she was proud of herself for.

"Really? Can you play one of your original songs for us?" Hyunjin said in a shocked tone, head tilting slightly in disbelief but wanting to hear her sing nonetheless.

The boys all stared at her in anticipation.

"Oh, sure... If you really want me to," Y/N became nervous again, because this was Stray Kids! Yes they felt like her friends but to sing her own personal works in front of them was still nerve wracking.

"Yes, we really want you to!" Jeongin encouraged her, offering that same reassuring smile as he did earlier.

All of the members were now eagerly waiting for her.

"Ok, here's a chorus I wrote recently," Y/N finally nodded, making the boys even more excited as she began to sing.

"Oh it's in my bones.

Hereditarily alone.

Surrounded by people,

But that gives no meaning.

It's in my bones."

The boys stared in in wonder, thinking the words were so beautiful and they loved the emotion she put into it even for such a small snippet of the song.

"Her voice is amazing..." Hyunjin was in awe.

"Yeah, you have a really good vocal tone!" Jisung clapped.

"And you wrote that yourself?" Chan smiled like a proud dad.

"Can we hear more?" Changbin said hopefully, nudging Y/N playfully.

"Well, I think I should now that I've sang a teaser for you," Y/N beamed, and for the next couple of minutes she sang the rest of the song to the boys. She even played a small backing track which consisted of an acoustic guitar, simple but sweet, building up towards the end of the song.

"I can't wait to see you debut!" Felix clapped with the other boys.

"You really will steal everyone's hearts, Y/N, you'll go far," Chan said, a big smile adorning his face as everyone offered their comments and praises to Y/N.

"Just don't let it get to your head," Lee Know joked, causing his members to whack him playfully and tell Y/N to not listen to him anymore.

"Thank you guys, it really means a lot."

tagged: @skz-streamer @kiraisastay @hannahhbahng @backintomykpopphaseagain @sakufilms @arloo00 @dunno-wut-to-do @splat00z @hanjiquokkaaa

[roseofdarknessblog]

Taking chances (Postwar!Levi Ackerman x Reader)

Word count: 4 540

Disclaimer: english is not my first language, I apologize in advance for any mistakes

Summary: A year after the Rumbling, Levi finally has the chance to open the tea shop he always wanted. But due to his lasting health issues, he doesn't think it's a good idea.

This story can be read on its own or as a part of my little post-war series: Learn to live again

Taking chances

„Thank you so much, have a lovely day,“ you said and smiled at the elder lady, who handed you a piece of cheese wrapped in brown waxed paper. She already knew both you and Levi because her amazing selection of cheeses made you come back to her little stall every single time. „Here, you can cross off another item from the shopping list.“

„It's still ridiculously long,“ Levi muttered, taking the cheese from your hands and putting it in your favorite wicker basket you loved taking to the farmers market. When he came with you, he always kept it in his lap while your shopping list was in his hand with a pencil he used to check off the things you've already bought. „Do we really need all of this?“

„How do you expect me to cook if we don't have food at home?“ you teased him lovingly, before pressing a kiss to the top of his head. When he was sitting in his wheelchair, he simply had to put up with this cute little habit of yours.

While he wasn't a huge fan of PDA, you loved showing him love and affection anytime and anywhere. But only if it didn't make him feel too uncomfortable. After all, with a husband so handsome and charming, you simply couldn't help it. You wanted the whole world to know just how much you loved him.

Even more, because he didn't think of himself as handsome and charming.

„Right, you need lots of things because you keep messing up,“ he teased you, looking over his shoulder to see your reaction.

„Oh, stop that! I'm getting better at cooking and baking. Just ask Onyankopon, he's very proud of my progress.“

During your life in the Survey Corps, you never had time to learn your way around the kitchen. Cooking and baking were foreign territory to you, so now you had to learn almost everything. All you could do by yourself were the most basic things. But Onyankopon was so nice that he agreed to teach you. While on Paradis, he never mentioned just how great of a cook he was, so it was a huge surprise for both you and Levi.

He used to come over whenever he had some time, commanding you around in your small kitchen. With all the patience in the world, he explained everything and helped you prepare many delicious sweet, and savory dishes. The bad thing was, that they almost always turned out good solely when he was there. When you tried doing some of them alone... the kitchen ended up looking like a battlefield and the food was questionable.

„And hey, if you don't like my cooking, how about you take over? I'll gladly stand by and comment on everything like you always do it to me.“

„Not that I would be standing around...“

You chuckled when he tilted his head back and looked at you. It was such a shitty thing to say, that only Levi would do it and make fun of himself. And to be honest, he didn't do it often. Only on very rare occasions, which came once in a blue moon.

„The point is, I'm making progress. Soon I'll be the better cook of the two of us.“

„Yeah, only in your dreams. Learning how to prepare tea the way I like it took you almost two decades,“ he scoffed.

Sometimes it really made you upset. The fact, that your husband, who was missing an eye, two fingers and had trouble standing or walking without aid, was a better cook than you. It seemed that he knew his way around the kitchen naturally, while you felt like a fish on the shore – disoriented and full of panic. While Levi handled everything with grace, you were a walking disaster.

„The funny thing is that you hated cooking in the past. In the Underground... you hated that shitty little kitchen we had.“

He nodded slowly. „That's why Furlan was the one in charge.“

You smiled upon hearing his name. It's been so many years since he, Isabel, Levi and you lived together under the Capital of Paradis. Despite that, you still remembered the day the three of them left and you stayed behind. It took Levi almost a year until he came back for you – after Furlan and Isabel passed away during their first expedition beyond the Walls. Since then, it was only you and Levi. Through thick and thin, leading the Survey Corps by Erwin and Hange's side, and surviving the Rumbling, which wiped out 80% of the population.

It was a true miracle, that you two were still alive and now living a completely different life after so many years of fighting for the sake of humanity.

The Rumbling happened more than a year ago and since then... well, countless things changed. For the better and for the worse. Leaving Paradis behind, managing Levi's health, getting used to so many new things in the outside world, getting engaged and married just half a year later... Too many things were completely different from a year ago.

Both of you were still suffering and recovering at the same time. While you only mentally, Levi was still dealing with a lot of pain and discomfort. On top of all the mental health issues, he had to face himself as well. Nightmares kept coming and going for the both of you, while your own anxiety was sometimes threatening to suffocate you. Although it wasn't as bad as before, when you weren't even able to walk down the street due to the fear of the new place and people, you were still having a hard time with many things.

Healing was simply taking... too much time. At least that's how you saw it. Yes, you got to survive and have a future, but this still wasn't the life you so desperately wanted. Not for you and not for Levi. His disabilities... hurt you in a way you had no idea you could hurt. Ever. It was a brand new kind of pain you didn't know even existed before. It was coming from your own inability to help him be the man he was before. The man he wanted to be again.

„You okay?“ Levi asked after a long moment of silence, as you were making your way through the farmers market of the little seaside town you were living in now. Early Wednesday mornings were the best time to come – many great deals that would be available throughout the whole day, but still just a few people.

Everything looked very pretty and calming in the soft morning lights. All the colors of everything you laid your eyes on. The sellers were nice and friendly, many of them already knowing who you and Levi were. Some of them liked to chat with you a little every time you came here, others simply said hello and gave you a bright smile. It looked like... it looked like they were truly grateful, that thanks to you and your comrades, they still have all of this – their homes, jobs, families, friends, and their lives.

But despite being grateful and happy, that you found such a nice place to live, sometimes it got too much. All the noises from the people, who were watching you and who knew your identity. Sometimes... it simply didn't feel right to you.

Forcing your lungs to take a long and deep breath was suddenly too hard. You could feel the familiar uneasiness rise inside your chest, making it feel uncomfortably tight. „Yeah, yeah... just got a little lost in my thoughts. I'm fine.“

„Don't go down the rabbit hole again.“ You nodded even if Levi couldn't see you. He was right, tho. Getting drowned in your own memories and worries would only end up in falling back into depression once again. And avoiding that was your main goal every single day. You didn't spend so many years fighting to be killed by your own mind when the war was finally over. „Focus on what we need to get next,“ he said in a calm tone. „Breathe and try to stay in this moment with me.“

You tried taking a deep breath again, succeeding this time, as you continued walking forward, pushing Levi's wheelchair in front of you. For a moment, you stopped looking around and kept your eyes on the top of his head in front of you, focusing on breathing as calmly as possible. „Okay, what else do we need? You have the shopping list.“ Keeping your body busy and mind distracted by the truly important things was the key. Your past didn't need you, but the present moment did. And with it, Levi needed you as well.

And after all... nothing was happening at that moment. Nothing. Everything was completely okay. You were safe, had your husband close and together you were doing one of the most mundane tasks of an ordinary life. All you had to do, was keep yourself grounded and slow down your racing heart, that was freaking out for no logical reason.

Levi looked at you for a moment and after you gave him a reassuring smile, he started reading all the things you wanted to buy – onions, peppers, tomatoes, carrots, potatoes, rice, bread, eggs, apples, and cherries. You nodded at every word he said, slowly letting go of your memories once again and focusing on shopping.

You kept your mind busy by looking at the different stalls once again, taking in every little detail that caught your eye. All the vegetables, fruits, spices, and many more things needed for the kitchen, or other parts of the household. You focused on how the sellers arranged their products, on the prices written on little blackboards, or on the fresh flower decorations some of them had put on. You took in the whole atmosphere of the market, letting it pull you back into reality.

Within the next hour, you got everything you needed and also a little something that was not part of your shopping list. You simply couldn't say no to a couple of incredibly smelling herb bars of soap and to a nice straw hat with a yellow ribbon. Your last stop was a little stall, where a young man was selling different kinds of teas or homemade fruit juices. Without a doubt, this stall was Levi's favorite and you had to make a stop every single time and get at least one thing. So by the time you were truly done shopping, the basket in Levi's lap was almost completely full.

„Ready to head back home? It's about time we eat some breakfast.“ your husband asked, while you were pushing his wheelchair away from the farmers market.

„Not quite yet,“ you said, smirking a little for yourself.

„What? Why not?“ He sounded a little annoyed, but when you didn't say anything else, he decided not to ask and simply trust you. The additional journey you were making was just a short one. Your surprise stop was just a few doors down the street you lived on.

When you stopped in front of a small and empty shop next to a toy store, which was very popular with all the kids in the town, Levi looked over his shoulder with furrowed brows. You smiled at him, squeezing his left shoulder lovingly.

„What the hell are you smiling about?“ he asked, placing his hand on top of yours, his warm skin coming in contact with the cold metal of your wedding band. It was simple but held so many beautiful memories. Your wedding was small, but all the more precious and simply perfect. The calm and warm atmosphere, that your closest friends helped to create, was exactly what you were looking for – on your wedding day and in your marriage as well.

„Onyankopon said, that there used to be a caffé. It closed down around the same time we moved here,“ you stood next to him and started explaining, your voice calm but with a tiny hint of excitement. „It's for sale now and it seems nobody is really interested.“

„And?“ Levi asked, still not understanding why you were telling him all this.

You took one last deep breath, fairly afraid to continue. „What if we bought it?“

He furrowed his brows even more, pulling his hand back and putting it around the basket in his lap. It seemed that he had a truly hard time finding the right words for your offer.

„Are you out of your mind? What the hell would we do with a place like this?“ he spoke finally, his voice surprisingly cold and flat.

„We could open that tea shop you always wanted,“ you said quietly, locking eyes with him, when he looked in your direction again, his hand once again finding yours. His confused expression seemed almost too cute. „I mean... we still have some money left and... well...“

„Spit it out!“ he commanded, his grip on your hand getting stronger.

„I went to the Town Hall and asked around about this place. They said that if we wanted to open our own business of any kind, the town would lend us money, to help us set everything up and actually start earning. Eventually, we'll have to pay it back, obviously.“

Despite this little risk, it still seemed like an amazing opportunity. You knew how much Levi wanted his own tea shop. It was his dream for many years and now it was finally close enough to grab and turn into reality.

„What do you think?“ you asked him when he didn't react to your previous words. Sadly, everything was written all over his face, which became blank and almost sad.

„I don't think it's a good idea, Y/N. Not when I'm like this,“ he said almost too quietly, letting go of your hand.

You immediately shook your head. „Hey, hey... listen, don't talk like that!“ Even if he tried his best to adjust to the new reality, you knew Levi was suffering every single day. He wasn't able to find peace with how things turned out for him. Not even after a whole year, was he truly content with his disabilities. Not after being active throughout his whole life and being known as Humanity's strongest soldier.

When it came to walking, he was able to do it – with the help of his cane or while you were holding one of his arms, to help him with stability. But bearing his own weight for a longer time was simply too much for his left knee. Walking and standing caused him excruciating pain almost every single time, so he really had no other option except to use his wheelchair.

That fact alone wasn't even what made him so angry. It was the reality of appearing weak and vulnerable. Something he was never used to. Not, when during your time with the Scouts he was always the one people relied on. He was a living and breathing legend everybody knew about – people from all branches of the military and civilians as well.

„We would manage. I know we would, darling,“ you said, interlocking your fingers again and lovingly kissing the top of his head. „We need something to do. Something that will give our lives a new meaning. Something that will keep us busy.“ Money was always needed, but it wasn't the main reason now. All you wanted, was something that would help you and Levi heal further. Something, that would help you find a new purpose.

Levi shook his head without looking at you. To be honest, you weren't expecting a reaction like this. Wide smiles and loud cheers weren't his thing either but.... you truly felt disappointed in the lack of interest he showed. The lack of will to turn his dream into reality.

„Levi, having a place like this has always been your dream and...“

„Enough, let's go home,“ he hissed through gritted teeth, looking down the almost empty street, which was illuminated by the warm sunlight. It looked like today was going to be another beautiful summer day.

„But...“

„I said enough!“ he repeated himself a bit louder, his right hand, which was missing two fingers, curling into a fist. „Let's go home.“ You could hear the pain in the tone of his voice, but you did obey this time. With one last look at the empty shop, you took hold of his wheelchair once again and started walking towards your little apartment on the ground floor, which was just a few minutes away.

The day went by rather quickly. Maybe because you spent half of it in the kitchen. You managed to prepare a pretty good pasta salad and your cherry pie also turned out edible. A little sour because of the cherries and the lack of sugar, but you liked it anyway. It was probably one of the best things you've ever baked.

„May I come in?“ you asked after knocking on the bedroom door. Levi spent the whole day inside, reading and trying to appear busy, so he didn't have to talk to you. He barely even said anything while you were eating together.

When he stayed quiet, you rested your forehead against the door with a silent sigh. Communication was the most important thing in every single relationship. Romantic or not. And while both you and Levi knew it, sometimes it was simply too hard to sit down and open up about what was troubling you.

„Darling...“ you said quietly, keeping your hand on the door handle. „I'm really sorry if I made you feel upset or angry with that idea. That wasn't my intention at all.“

Some days it was very hard to find the right words. Hurting him or making him feel sad was the last thing you wanted. That's why sometimes it was better to stay quiet and simply wait it out. Give him the space to grieve the past, present, and future.

„I'll go make something for dinner, then. What would you like?“ you asked after another moment of painful silence. It seemed, that backing down was the smartest move to do.

But just before you walked away, you heard Levi's voice from behind the door. He said your name quietly, maybe hoping that you had already left. That's why you waited for a second and only then slowly opened the door. You found your husband sitting on the edge of the bed, a closed book put down next to him.

„Can we talk?“ you asked, not sure about what was going through his head when he looked up at you. His face seemed much more tired than in the morning, even though last night was full of nightmares. For the both of you, unfortunately.

For the past few nights, you weren't able to escape one of the worst memories of your life – leaving Hange behind, while they held up Eren's Titans. Having Hange in your life felt almost natural since the very first day you spent aboveground. They were simply always there, for you and for others. Accepting their fate felt as if somebody was ripping your heart out of your chest, while you were screaming and begging them to stop torturing you.

„Look, I'm sorry about the way I reacted earlier,“ Levi said, gripping the edge of the bed with one of his hands. It almost seemed that looking up and into your eyes took all his energy. „I know you only meant well. You always do.“

With a loving smile on your lips, you came to sit down next to him. „I thought you would be excited at least a little bit,“ you admitted, very carefully inching your hand closer to his. Any kind of physical contact was a hit or miss in these kinds of situations so you always tried to be as careful as possible. „Did it scare you? The possibility of truly turning your dream into reality?“

„It made me feel upset... angry, even.“

„Why?“

He took a deep breath, searching for the best words to use so you would understand his inner conflict over this whole situation. „How am I supposed to run my own business like this?“ The way he looked over at his left leg broke your heart. The tone of his voice was so cold and angry. So disappointed.

„You know more than well, that I would have your back. It would be our responsibility, not solely yours, Levi,“ you tried explaining, while the tips of your fingers brushed against his skin. When he didn't pull his hand away, you very gently grabbed it. „I know it's difficult, I really do. I try to understand the best I can. And you know that I support you in everything. But... not now. You're going to regret it, if we don't buy that empty store and put in all the work, to make your dream come true.“

Levi closed his eyes with a heavy sigh, his body tiredly leaning against yours. He pulled his hand from your grip so he could wrap his arm around your waist to keep you close. Confused, you leaned your head against his, waiting for him to say or do something.

„I'm beyond blessed to have you by my side after all the shit we went through. Sometimes... I still think it's a dream. I think about how I'm going to wake up back in the Scout's HQ with your death report on my desk.“

„Levi...“ You felt a lump form in your throat upon hearing his broken voice. You had a few close calls with death, but you always pulled through, thankfully.

„And when I finally realize, that we made it out of that hell alive, I feel like... like I'm not allowed to ask or wish for anything else.“ His grip around your waist tightened a little, his lips pressing a gentle kiss to your temple. „I have you, we're married and we have a fairly nice roof over our heads. Why should I ask for anything else?“

You swallowed hard, battling with your emotions, as your right hand started rubbing his back comfortingly. „Because you can. And you really should, you deserve it. Every good thing this world has to offer because you were the one, who sacrificed the most to save humanity.“

„No, you don't get it...“

„I think I do,“ you interrupted him. „And I don't agree with you. Most people in your place would be selfish and take everything that was offered to them. Every single thing, without thinking about it for more than a few seconds. They would take every chance to do something for themselves to feel good and happy. To put their wants and dreams before everything else.“

„I'm not most people.“

„I know, but I think that right now, you should try being like them. For this one thing, you always wanted so much.“ You could tell he didn't like the tone in which you were talking to him, but you kept on going. All you wanted, was for him to be happy and have everything he ever wanted. Absolutely everything. „If you're scared about looking selfish or anything similar, you don't have to. I want this too, Levi. For us. Owning and running such a place will help us heal even more and that's what we want, right?“

When he took a deep breath but didn't actually say anything, you knew you hit a very sensitive spot. Unfortunately, this was how healing looked like for you and Levi. Constantly getting uncomfortable and being forced to face your darkest and most painful emotions and thoughts. Admitting, that you simply weren't the same people as last year. Accepting, that this was your reality, your life.

„I know it hurts, Levi. I know it, I see the suffering in your eyes every single day, even if I sometimes don't say anything. But if we don't force ourselves to...“

„I can't fucking walk!“ he screamed out, putting all of his anger and frustration into those four words. You could feel his whole body shake a little, while he was still leaning against you, his breathing becoming a bit heavier.

„I know,“ you said almost inaudibly, your hand traveling from his back to the back of his head. While you could feel your eyes filling up with tears, you tried staying as calm as possible, letting your fingers run through his silky soft hair.

What broke your will to stay strong, was when you noticed that Levi was crying. Tears were running down his cheeks, his lips pressed into a thin line so as to not let out a single sound. Since the Rumbling, you have seen and heard him cry more times than throughout your entire time together. And despite that, you still felt unimaginable pain, when tears rolled down his cheeks again.

„We promised each other that we'll be happy,“ you said after a minute, pressing a kiss into his hair. „And opening that tea shop is one huge step closer to that happiness. It will work out, I know it will. I'm sure.“ No, you weren't. But you had to lie to yourself and him, to keep your true emotions in check. „You don't have to give me an answer right now, just promise me that you'll think about it.“

Very gently, you pulled away from him and held his face in your warm hands. Your thumbs wiped away every single tear, while you forced your lips to form a smile. Seeing him so broken and sad was the worst possible punishment for a loving wife like you. For someone, who was with Levi since before he joined the Scouts. He suffered a horrible amount of pain throughout the years, and yet nothing broke him like this. Nothing left him feeling so powerless.

„You are still you, Levi,“ you whispered, pressing your lips to his forehead. Keeping your own tears from rolling down your cheeks was becoming harder and harder, almost impossible by the time you pulled away. „And I really hope you'll let yourself be truly happy one day.“

„Nothing will ever make me happier than having you by my side,“ he said, when you wiped away the last of his tears, before leaning in for a sweet long kiss. Your foreheads ended up resting against each other, as Levi kept his eyes closed, focusing on calming down his own emotions, taking slow deep breaths alongside you. „Thank you for giving me this opportunity.“

„You know I'll do anything for you. Anything.“ In the past, you killed for this man. You killed Titans and humans to keep him alive. And if it came down to it, you would do it again. Without any hesitation.

When silence fell over the bedroom, you knew the discussion was over. At least for today. When Levi wrapped his arms around you and when he hid his face in the crook of your neck, you finally let some of your tears fall. Holding him tight as he started crying silently once again, you hoped with your whole heart, that today was another step forward and closer to happiness.

[amadwinter]

A different kind of WIP Wednesday

Not a fic this time, but after a wonderful post about making bad art from @unspuncreature and a little encouragement from @lilredghost (thank you 🧡), I wanted to share something else I have in progress: my drawing abilities.

I wouldn't necessarily say I'm good. In fact, sometimes my drawings are downright bad. But considering there have been times in the last year where I haven't even been able to hold a pencil due to health issues, I'm happy to be where I am and just keep improving little by little each time.

I've never shared any of these with anyone before so I'm quite nervous, but there's no time like the present.

Many photos from my sketchbooks ahead!

So, for starters, I've been drawing sporadically since I was about 11 (about 18 years). I've never seriously made a habit out of it, and I've never attempted any formal instruction or classes. One day, I'll post images from my sketchbooks from over the years, because yes, I have kept all of them for posterity's sake

Last year, 2023, I made a New Years Resolution to draw something every day.

I actually made a decent go of it and drew more than I have in years.

But then I suddenly had some health problems pop up that made my goal impossible. I struggled to hold a pencil and even write a sentence legibly. I won't go into details here, but after a few months and going through occupational therapy, I was able to write and draw again(My other symptoms, however, haven't been resolved).

I did some drawing here and there, but nothing consistent. And it felt like some of the progress I made earlier in the year had vanished. I was utterly demotivated, and could only see the bad in everything I drew.

In December, I finally decided: screw it. If I'm going to draw badly, I'll just draw badly. And its done wonders for my confidence.

But for every drawing I'm proud of, there are far more that all I can do is laugh at because of how terrible they are.

And each time I draw something I'm not happy with, I take it as an excuse to practice more, practice often, and practice everything.

I don't really have a system or a plan in place. I start out with a warmup of stick figures based on soccer, figure skating, or something similar, and then it's whatever I feel like. Sometimes it's figure sketches, sometimes it's working on hair, sometimes it's just whatever the hell I feel like.

But above all, I'm having fun doing it. Even when it doesn't turn out like I want to, even when it's not perfect, I enjoy just putting pencil to paper with zero expectations beyond doing my best and enjoying the process.

[fruitless-vain]

So I am heavily hesitant to post this for a number of reasons the biggest one being- she’s in gear, publicly to you all for the first time.

Which I guess is time for her biggest announcement? She’s been cleared for public access work.

She’s had quite the rigamarole of tests and hoops to jump through to prove that she is no longer reactive to other dogs, safe if a dog approaches while I’m unconscious, stable if rushed, that her stability remains if I’m not present, handled by a stranger, you name it. she’s done it. And I kept it all a secret because I was really afraid of posting progress and failing, but we didn’t fail. and I’m so damn proud of her.

Honestly this feels overwhelmingly surreal, this dog used to be reactive to everything that moved, scared of everything she’s never met before to the point of shaking and to imagine this even being a possibility for her back then was a fairytale.

She’s been cleared for about a month now and I’ve been afraid to share it not only for the possibility of failure but also because I know the SD community is a very toxic place where many would have washed her the day they met her. I know the amount of vitriol that can fly at me for even giving her a chance to succeed, and many will always see her as a reactive anxious dog and nothing else, ignoring the fact that she hasn’t been that way for a very long time. And I’m very afraid of that quantity of judgement.

So with great hesitancy I say: Yoshi has been granted public access rights!

And today she had a very productive session at a pet friendly winners/ homesense where she got to put all of the skills she was taught on the treadmill to her first real escalator. We did about five passes walking up to it and away to watch it move and build comfort with the sounds and there’s an adjacent stairwell that runs parallel to it so we walked up and down that as well for further confidence building and watching. (Where she also met her first glass railing quite high up totally unfazed). First two tries at getting on she needed a lot of coaxing to hop on and remained pretty stiff but did do the jump on and off as was practiced on the mill. This clip is the fourth try I thiiiink? She pops her ears back to block out some sound but is overall confident with what’s happening and knows how to mount and dismount. She should be standing the whole time to keep that booty floof safe from the escalator - she keeps sitting down very visibly because she’s watching my treat hand move back which is not safe but is so clear on how comfortable and happy/ focused she is at only her fourth try. I adjusted my hands to treat from the other side on the following rep and she held the stand perfectly that time!

And if this does happen to somehow end up in the SD community which I really want no part of I will address the lack of boots here: there’s a few reasons why we felt it was safer for Yoshi personally not to use them. The boots greatly alter her body awareness, even with significant work done in that area there’s always a bit of a clown shoe situation going on, tiny dog shoes just don’t fit as well as they do for larger dogs, they’re heavier, larger, and bulkier relative to the dogs size, makes it far more likely that she will have mobility issues on the escalator when she really needs precise mobility. I have yet to find a grippy tiny dog shoe that fits her, the only pair that fits her currently is not designed for indoors and will slide risking injury. The lack of hardened rubber on her small dog shoes means the fabric is thinner and softer when paired with the above problems makes for a very high chance of the boot itself getting caught in the escalator and being the reason for injury.

She won’t be riding escalators as a primary choice, this training was chosen to occur under professional guidance as a precaution if an elevator sn’t an option when I am unable to manage stairs.

She did really really great today, I don’t know how much of her in gear working I’ll actually share purely because I don’t want my content to end up on the SD side but I really do want to share this huge success with you guys as I consider you all to be my little friend group. I know you guys here have watched the progress from the beginning and I feel like a lot of you would want to know just how great she’s become.

Last thing I want to add here is that although we are working with a group and will obviously be on the right track that way if you do ever see or feel us doing something that seems wrong please let me know. I know how easy it is to ignore things because you’re emotionally invested, last thing I want is to make a wrong call because I’m too emotionally invested to see it. So just let me know, okay?

[reflectionsofthesea]

Hiii I’m back! It's been a pretty stressful and busy time at work, so I'm less online than usual, but still learning finnish daily! It's actually being my saving grace: getting to detach myself from work,routine and stress and just putting my head into something completely different that I enjoy doing. Putting a read more because I wrote a lot here:

I've been progressing with my exercise book, and learned how to express the need to do something 'i have to...' and also the imperative tense. Really useful stuff. I also finally finished trascribing all puhekieli 'basic rules' on my notebook!

Some new stuff in my daily learning routine:

I started listening to podcasts and short stories! I was a bit intimidated at first, but now I've been enjoying doing it every day when I am cooking, cleaning the house or even when drawing/working. I'm listening to a beginner's podcast and can basically understand a good 80% of it, which is making me feel so proud and motivated hahaha. The crazy thing is that even if I don't understand a couple of new words, I can follow the conversation and the topic and I always know what the host is talking about, it's crazy. I'll definitely continue listening to podcasts and stories daily because I think it's helping A LOT and truly making me feel like I'm making huge progress and my brain is enlarging lol.

I started using LingQ! The importing videos/podcasts feature is super useful, and I imported some videos in finnish from youtubers I found and having LingQ generate subtitles in finnish for me and translation in english, so I can study them is so useful. That way I can exercise listening to more puhekieli and expand my vocabulary. It helps that the videos are super fun and entertaining themselves, so I genuinely want to know what's happening hahaha. (one was a Sims4 house building video, another one a travelling vlog)

I tried writing some 'stories' for the first time, this is also an advice I heard from a video, that helps with getting your brain used to constructing sentences and phrases. I already did this in a smaller way, writing very short sentences practicing different grammar rules to commit them to memory, but this exercise really makes you put more effort into building longer and slightly more articulated sentences, like phrases you'd say to someone when having a chat, or thinking out loud. I decided to pick some random themes and just write what I can about them! The pink underlined words/verbs/adverbs are things I had to look up because I didn't know how to say yet. I think this is a pretty fun and creative exercise to do though, and I can see how it can make your brain faster at producing sentences on the long run :) It will be fun to keep doing this when my vocabulary grows and I can say more stuff! (I saw a writing exercise idea on tumblr that was describing your Dnd characters and something about their personality/stories, and I really want to do that!)

Overall, I'm feeling really good and motivated. I remember feeling a bit stuck a month ago, and now that feeling is gone, and I feel like I improved a lot. I really think implementing new exercises like the written stories exercise and especially listening a lot has been so useful and important into me feeling like I'm growing more in this language. I'm really glad I fought my inner doubt and saboteur and just did it. I also gander at posts written in finnish here on tumblr and realized I understand a good 70/80% of what's written in there. Sometimes more or less, depending on how long the post is or how specific the words used are. But that's pretty crazy to me and really satisfying!

Also, if you need some inspiration for your language learning journey or some good tips (like the listening to podcasts and writing stories I'm currently doing), please watch this video! It really inspired me to keep going in my journey :)

[hellolulu]

The anime made the telepathy arc more about the aliens haha funny anime girls than it did about what the arc represents and I'm still sad about it! I didn't post about it until now because I'm sad! Especially because the animation was quite beautiful!

The point of this small arc is to show that Shigeo has made peace with himself. Both as a person, by genuinely exhausting himself to help the friends he loves - putting all that effort in and continuously choosing to keep going, even when Tome is saying she doesn't want to and everyone is tired. And as an esper, freely using his powers to do something that could be regarded as useless, silly, or maybe even a touch playful; which he hasn't done since he was a child. He has only ever used it when told to, ever since the accident with Ritsu. And remember, during the last season, he was having an extremely hard time being stuck between his esper half, and his human half. It's incredible progress!! Seeing him able to combine both sides of himself in front of others, knowing he's accepted by these people?! That's crazy! I'm so proud of him!! He's grown!!

And this arc is also about him connecting with the other important part of himself (and of all of us), too: the truth of your heart.

Tome disbanding the club, leaving so quietly and dejectedly because she realises that all this time they hadn't taken her seriously. The club members being genuinely upset about it because they love her and didn't realise that she was that serious.

Takenaka being amazed by the truth in Shigeo's heart (a straightforward person who doesn't like to lie or put up false pretenses, which is rarer than you'd think, genuinely wanting to help his friend by doing something crazy like communicating with aliens) and choosing to join them because he had actually wanted to meet others like him, and because he felt like his power could be used for the sake of good for once (as he had used it when he was a child). Because he was moved by Shigeo's honest heart.

Reigen complaining that he has to babysit a bunch of kids, when in reality he knows he's spending time with people he loves and is just a little happy about it. Serizawa being genuinely upset that he can't join Reigen for drinks, worrying about him, until he knows Reigen will be with someone he cares about at the turn of the year (btw this is quite funny to me, because any typical person would go hey I'm sure my classmates wouldn't mind if I invited a friend along to drinks! We're all adults after all! Do you want to join? I can ask :D but he's autism honour bound and doesn't realise he can probably bring anyone, and Reigen's self confidence is too low to invite himself smh)

Tome crying because she was so frustrated that they only started to care when things were about to end, but knowing the truth in her own heart being that she, too, wanted to stay - so she showed up to go with them even though it hurt. Only to learn that even though they hadn't thought she was serious, they put this plan together because they do care. Because the truth is they value their friendship with her as much as she values them, and they want to make an effort to prove that.

Takenaka then putting in even more effort than he had expected to, because he realises he had let his hurt feelings (loneliness) get in the way of the type of friendships Shigeo had formed. The type of friendships he had yearned for all along. He'd even stayed awake that whole night prior, studying and memorising and taking notes, because he wanted things to go well, because these people could be onto something deeper than he'd thought friendships could be. Because the truth is he wanted to take part in something like that, too.

And Shigeo, in this arc, despite pushing himself to exhaustion, is doing it for the sake of love. For his friends. We've seen him exhaust himself before; after big fights and overwhelming moments, he becomes tired and exhausted to the point of collapsing or passing out. But here it's different - he's doing it for the sake of those he cares about. He wants to see Tome happy because she's a very dear friend to him, he wants to enjoy a day out with his group of friends that he just happened to become close to over the year, and he wants to show them how much they mean to him right now; and he wants to see Takenaka open up to others and learn that sometimes friendships are formed out of things that you don't have in common. Out of the things you learn from each other. (The mortifying ordeal of being known, if you will.)

Because what matters is the truth in your heart, that you care about your friends, that you want to be there for them, to push yourself for them, and that you know they'd do the same for you. That maybe they already have. That's the point of the arc. (That's what the point of the arc is.)

The aliens section in the manga touched on it too, in a "we were able to communicate because of a common understanding of each other, despite being unable to verbally communicate, and I was able to return home" and not.. whatever that was in the anime.

[goodluckclove]

I think the thing that stops me from writing is myself. I need to talk about my projects to stay interested but the second I tell anyone about my ideas, the interest is gone and my inner dialogue starts tearing my books apart. So then I end up in the plotting stage forever, or at chapter 3 with no clue how to progress and no interest to start. Doesn’t matter how long I work on the project for, it still happens. I end up in my own head about my projects and it sucks

Hi King. It's late Sunday night for me here in Portland - Wife has started what they call their "pre-sleep" ritual, which they claim is very useful for their specific type of ADHD wiring. I'll be handing off control of my blog to one of my novel's protagonists for the entirety of tomorrow (good luck, Edgar), but I've been thinking about your question since you sent it and I wanted to make a point to answer before dedicating my whole Monday to long-form roleplaying.

So people post about their projects online and it's cool. They talk about what they're working on, and sometimes they get loads of accolades and encouragement from well-meaning strangers online. It's very neat and it's very good, but at it's core it's not really something a writer needs at that stage. In fact, I think there's an argument towards saying that too much involvement in that culture can be actively toxic to a new writer's craft.

This may sound hypocritical coming from someone who's essentially liveblogging their quartet as they write it. But keep in mind that Migration Patterns is my fourteenth book. And in the fifteen years I've been writing I really wouldn't tell people about an idea until I was at least 10k words in. Maybe more. Maybe never. I have entire novels that no one in my life, not even my wife, know anything about.

It's fine. it's lonely and it's fine, and that's kind of the thing about our line of work in my thought.

An idea is a fragile thing. It's like an egg that needs to be supported on some kind of foundation to be displayed properly and safely, and for some people it takes a long time to build that foundation. I run a writing blog where I almost exclusively talk about writing and to writers, but in my Real Human Life I do not act like that.

I think I have two close people in my life that I bounce ideas off of the most - my wife and my best friend - and that's only because they're most likely to be nearby while I'm actively writing. It's helpful to talk out ideas. But what are you looking for when you talk about your ideas? Because people can't praise or critique what you write in any meaningful way until you actually write it, which I could see leading to frustration and ultimately losing interest in the work.

Here are some of the things I say when I talk about my writing:

"Hey give me a name for a person/place/thing."

"How do you think I could get out of [insert plot point here]?"

And that's pretty much it.

A writing blog does help if you don't post expecting feedback. I will screenshot excerpts I'm very proud of and post it with some commentary, something I've never had the courage to do until now, and it feels good just to hang in on the proverbial fridge. Most people just like it and move on, because they don't have the full context of the situation. But just seeing someone liked it is cool.

Ultimately though, if my entire audience despawned right now - well, I'd have some grander existential issues to worry about. But I'd still write. I'd talk about my writing to myself and to my characters. I'd go back to imagining what I'd say in interviews that'll likely never happen. All of that is fun and free and cops hate it.

Maybe the interest leaves when you talk to other people about your projects because they can't see it the way you can. That's not their fault, and it's not your fault. It certainly doesn't mean it's a bad idea. Overall, as much as I enjoy the sense of community here on Writeblr, we should definitely acknowledge the point in which it actually works against us and our craft.

Once you write enough of a project, assuming you've developed a productive work strategy, you will discover motivations to be interested. You are a perpetual motion machine of artistic development and no one else will build a track for you to follow that makes more sense than your own.

Hope that helps, friend.

[haley770]

i dont even know how to begin this. i know i dont have any followers and i only post art but it doesnt sit right with me to not say anything.

when i started sharing my art on here, it was because i wanted somewhere to keep track of my progress, as well as share things that i was proud of and just in general things i spent time on. i did not ever plan on making any text posts, i have never made text posts anywhere online, i have only ever posted my art and drawings. this is about shelby shubble,(and wilbur soot) and includes the topic of abuse and manipulation so please be safe and careful. also please take care of yourselves <3 you are loved and valid.

to start: i am so proud of shelby for speaking about this. she really is so powerful for this. i am so glad she is able to heal, work through this, and speak about it publicly in front of so many people. she is so brave for all of this and i wish her, as well as anybody else affected, the best. if you do not know about what is going on and are currently a wilbur soot fan(i dont know if this applies to anyone but just in case) i urge you to please watch shelbys VOD. please educate yourself, if you see this and dont do anything AND still support him, you are choosing to stay ignorant.

to anybody reading who WAS a fan of wilbur soot, it is not your fault that you supported him. you did not know him. you did not know him. we only know a limited amount about this situation, and remember that it is serious. please do not make jokes about this. it can invalidate people. after this it is clear he is a manipulative asshole. please do not blame yourself and please take care of yourself. it is okay to feel betrayed or angry. it is okay to feel sad about this. it is okay that something/someone you once felt comfort in, you now feel disgusted with. it is okay to feel grief. it is okay to feel shocked. i wish everyone including myself could look back on the time you enjoyed him and/or his content positively, but it is also okay if you dont nor do you wish to. you are valid. i also just hope everyone realizes how dangerous he really is as a person and how manipulative he is. shelby made this very clear. he is dangerous. he is DANGEROUS. please remove your support from him and give it towards supporting shelby and anyone else who he has hurt(emotionally and physically). and, if you choose to support him after this, please consider WHO you are supporting. he is DANGEROUS. he is MANIPULATIVE. i understand this can be a lot, it can hurt, and it can be overwhelming, but that does not excuse the fact that he hurt people. do not interact with or use any of my art if you continue to support him.

i have previously posted 2 drawings that i have since deleted. these pieces, an oil pastel drawing and an animatic, were fanart for lovejoy and in turn wilbur soot, who i NO LONGER support. i make art because it is a hobby and passion of mine. i thought for a couple days whether or not i wanted to delete the posts or to keep them up. at first, i was going to leave them up because i made this blog to track my art, but in the end, i decided that i could not keep them up. a couple hours after i deleted them, i saw wilburs 'apology' and even though i had already made my decision, it sunk in even deeper. i do not wish to support him at all. i completely understand if anybody does not remove posts involving wilbur soot. i respect your decision and you do not have to explain yourself. and just a reminder, just because you once supported him does not mean you are a bad person. you are allowed to do as you wish, you are your own person and i will not shame anybody for doing otherwise(except if you continue to support him, please watch shelbys VOD, you will see how much harm she endured, how truly horrible he is, and how dangerous he really is). i myself have ultimately decided that i couldnt live with peace if i kept any post related to him up on my blog. and because this affects so many of his ex fans, it is important to consider yourself and your health.

his what some might call an 'apology' was actually apalling and i think it goes to show what kind of person he really is. it makes me feel SICK. i am glad to hear he is in therapy and receiving help, and i hope he continues this, but it does not excuse or undo the damage that he has done. we do not know exactly what happened, so please keep this in mind when it comes to everything. but, his manipulation will not work anymore now that we know who he really is. the entire statement is just manipulation in writing. he made the whole statement all about him. he did not apologize one bit. he does not own up to shit in his statement. he should be at the very least apologizing to shelby, yet all he did was try to invalidate her. shelby does not accept his statement, which speaks in and of itself. it is one of the worst statements i have EVER seen. i dont even know why i had expected anything better from him. really goes to show how WE DO NOT KNOW HIM. i do hope he realizes how horrible and manipulative it is and starts to change, but i will not be around to see it happen.

i am leaving this for the end because it is not as important, but i do wish to be honest, open, and to share this as well as my feelings. for anyone who is feeling lonely or upset: i will admit that wilbur soot had been my favorite content creator and musician since 2020. while i have consumed much less of his content in the last few months, minus his music, i have consumed so so many hours of his content in general over the last (almost)4 years. i just want to reitorate, we did not know him. okay, he was the reason i started listening to music, his music in particular had been in my top songs since i made a spotify account in 2020 and have brought me immense comfort in the past, especially during hard times. so many of my interests stemmed from him, geoguessr, flags, languages, my music taste, so many. after this, i will never be able to see him the same or listen to his music the same again. everything was fake. he lied about genuine things to cater to his audience. he used us and his friends. i am completely disgusted. a reminder, we do not know him but these things are clear. i do not and will not support a known manipulative abuser. i am seeing so many things in a completely different light now and i am so ashamed to have ever have supported this man. if anybody feels this way, please just remember it is not your fault. you are not alone. i am in full support of shelby shubble and the other people who have spoken out about him and the things they endured from him. i am so so proud of her as well as the others and am so glad she was able to come to terms with the abuse, as well as getting the courage to be able to speak up about this situation against wilbur. i will not tolerate anybody who supports him, it actually makes me sick. i would also like to add this, before wilburs statement and after watching shelbys VOD, i believed that it was 100% him. i did not want to take the chance of supporting an abuser even before he released his statement. i was in full support of shelby and unfollowed him on everything. this whole thing was shocking. i was so disappointed. not solely because my favorite musician was an abuser, but because i trusted him. i know this isnt about me. i know i didnt know him. but i think it is okay for us, to feel betrayed though. he always spoke up against things and he painted a picture of him being a good person. looking back i can also think of so many things that were played off as jokes and i feel so bad that i ever seen them in that way. i am glad i had once found happiness and comfort in wilbur soot and his community at one point(over the last 3 years) but that time is over. support victims. take care of yourself. you are important and valid. your experiences are valid. people love you. drink water and get a snack. take a shower. go get some sleep. take a couple deep breathes, it will be okay. it will be okay. i think it is important to acknowledge your feelings to process them. you matter to people and your feelings are valid. i know there are people who need to hear this. it will be okay.

once again, i dont think i can emphasize enough how important it is that we support shelby and anyone else affected at this moment. they were vulnerable to protect us and others from him in the future and they are just so brave for that. i promise i have no ill intentions with this post. i wish shelby the best. i do not support wilbur soot. FUCK WILBUR SOOT. i do not support lovejoy. i just could not not say anything about this situation because i had been such a big wilbur soot fan up until shelby had spoken out. i love shelby so much and i admire her bravery <3 i tried to write everything down that i could think of, but this is probably going to be the only time i talk about this. my heart goes out to shelby and anyone else wilbur soot hurt. GO SUPPORT SHELBY

ONE MORE TIME, go support shelby and PLEASE take care of yourself. your feelings are always valid. you are loved. it will be okay. i do not WANT likes or notes left on this. i want people to be aware and reminded they are valid and to not invalidate their feelings and to uplift shelby and her story.

[ace-of-clubs-and-diamonds]

I’ve seen other artists doing a year-in-review, so I thought it would be neat to do one myself!! Looking at my art all lined up like this, I’m actually really proud. I feel like I’ve reconnected with my art this year and started loving it again.

The full pieces of each – plus the other art I’ve made this year – can be found in my "ace’s artwork" tag 💜💖

More ramblings under the cut:

I made 18 full pieces of art this year, 15 of which I posted to Tumblr. Of the posted artwork, 6 pieces were of my OCs (40%), 4 pieces were horror fanart (~27%), 4 pieces were Korn fanart (~27%), and 1 piece was DC Comics fanart (~7%). Additionally, I did 3 non-posted pieces of art as requests/gifts for friends. One was a fic cover I did for my beloved @spookyscaryslashy, and the other two were gifts for my darling @bisexual-horror-fan. I have plenty of other sketches, doodles, and half-finished WIPs that I didn’t post either, but I wouldn’t call them full finished art pieces.

I think I’ve progressed a lot as an artist this year! I started using way more references when drawing, which has definitely improved my art. I also started experimenting with colors. I think it makes my art look better in general, yes, but I also just had so much fun with it. And I feel like it’s helped me develop my own style. I feel so reinvigorated by just fucking around with the colors, and I’m so much more satisfied with my art because of it.

Some personal goals for next year: continuing to better my craft, obviously. Continuing to have fun with colors. I think I’d like to draw more creatures and monsters, as I did very little of that this year and really wish I had. And I’d like to work more on story art, both for the fics I post and the OG stuff I’m working on.

Lastly, I would like to say HUGE FUCKING THANK YOU to anyone who has ever said anything nice on one of my art pieces. Whether it was a comment, tags on a reblog, excited shouting in DMs or on Discord…… seriously. Thank you. You guys keep me going. I love y’all so, so much 💖💜💖💜💖

Here’s hoping next year’s a good art year too! 😊✨

[plankton-in-space]

Hello! It me!

Hello friends! It has been a while, I’m still here!

It’s my birthday again, today. This year passed so fast and so slow at the same time. 33 is such a nice symmetrical number, though!

Literally nothing went according to plan, there were many dark moments when I thought that life is simply suffering. I felt alone and overwhelmed and I withdrew from social media and from life bc what was the point?

My family is well and healthy, the crisis has passed and we all survived it. I try to let go of past resentments and look at the now of us, which I never seemed to appreciate before. We are here, we are alive and we are all a work in progress. It is so difficult sometimes to focus on that, when life is fast-paced and I try to think of every possible scenario that might happen in the future.

It has been my constant obsessive thought, the future, to the point of neglecting my present. But I’m learning to fight it on so many levels. Future plankton can take care of herself, current plankton needs to eat well, sleep well and be happy!

How easy it is to say “be happy” but how fleeting it is as a feeling. I felt very very happy this year, more so than any other year I’ve been alive. Even when happiness was sandwiched between the sads, it was there, sparkling!

I walked my dog everyday, in the forest, with his two bodyguards (our two stray cats, Aziraphale & Crowley) meowing behind us. They kept me company when I washed my tools with the hose, waiting patiently to be petted by my cold hands in the end.

The sun in my face, clay on my hands. Painting with watercolours after abstaining for years. Running with Kohta Yamamoto playing on my headphones. Learning to meditate. Books, ceramics, comics, art, alone or with other people.

My bestie was always waiting with coffee, gossip, ideas and laughter and I love her so so much. I really appreciated the company and the sympathetic ears when I needed to cry about the world. My other irl friends were amazing too, I was never alone. My brain tried to convince me I was, but I wasn’t. I was teacher, friend, daughter, sister, helper.

And I accomplished so much! I won’t share what, for a reason. I accomplished a lot and I am proud but my biggest success has been letting go. I’m an overachiever ok? I like working and being good at what I do and my biggest flaw is overworking myself to the point of burnout, to prove to myself that I’m worth the love I receive, the attention. Look at me, I am bright and hardworking and pleasant, love me love me love me. But I receive the love and the care nonetheless, and I want to remember that. I am loved because I am me, and I am who I am because I am very, very loved.

And this is the energy I wanna bring into my 33s, into 2024. I am loved deeply and I love deeply and I care. Numbing myself, trying to avoid the hurts and the sadness only numbs the joy, the quirkiness, the sheer weirdness of existence. If I fail, I will try again, if I cry, I will laugh again.

I hope you are all healthy this year, and happy. I hope you notice the sunrises and the sunsets, the flowers and the birds and the seasons.

I don’t know if I will be more online this year or not. Being online takes time I would rather give to me, well, being present in my life. I haven’t decided yet which socials to keep, how often to post, how to reduce doom scrolling without going offline. It’s a work in progress.

But now, in this moment in time, I will post my mermay drawings bc I managed to finish the challenge just yesterday! wahoo!

[candyfloss-esophagus]

Heyo, it's me! Not being late for once!

Okay, ask game time! (not holding back this time so get ready!)

These are all for Crying Wolf, cause I'll never be normal about it <3

☼

☄

✄

♡

☠

☾

☽

∞

★

(I know you've answered similar questions about the fic before, so feel free to skip those if you don't wanna answer them again <3 )

Hey, thanks for the ask!! I'm sure I have answered similar questions in the past but fortunately for you, my brain is a sieve that has been thrown over the edge of a waterfall.

☼: how i came up with the idea

I didn't actually come up with the idea all by myself, I'm part of the noirpunk discord server that regularly has little round robin fics and snippets that everyone can add onto. In its very early days, we were discussing what would happen if there were a symbiote that was virtually undetectable (and also, tangentially, what would happen if Hobie became infected) and I was so intrigued by this concept that I asked to use it in an actual fic!

☄: what the writing process was like

Arduous. Writing is like pulling teeth for me lol and Crying Wolf is certainly no outlier. I wrote chronologically whenever I had the time to sit down and think about it, but I had it vaguely planned out from the get-go. The only thing was that I added in another chapter -- chapter four was never meant to exist! I was going to shove everything that happened in chapter four and five in together but that seemed like a little much.

✄: something i deleted before the final draft

I post on a chapter by chapter basis because I'm too impatient to keep an entire wip to myself (trying to change that!) but there was going to be a scene where the symbiote was explicitly purged from Hobie. I decided not to write it because of medical semantics and how it would have made it even longer and also because my mental health was like a raft strapped together by duct tape at that point in the year.

♡: my favorite part

My favourite part is the end bit and Peter's conversation with Hobie because that was the thing that the server went into most detail about when we were cooking up the whole concept. I love thinking back to that night so much!

☠: something i found challenging

Fucking writing the damn thing lol. Motivation is very tricky for me and finishing what I start is even moreso (ta adhd!) but we got there in the end!!! As mentioned before, writing is difficult for me and I'm not actually a very good writer so trying to get it to a standard that I felt honoured what we had originally come up with in the server was definitely a challenge.

☾: how i thought people would respond to the fic

I.. didn't? Getting comments is so incredibly rare and special to me and the fact that I get so many purely because I write the most for noirpunk on ao3 is WILD.

☽: how people *actually* responded

Well they responded for a start lol. I got veritable essays on how bad I made people feel and theories for how it would progress and how well done the whole thing was and people from the server cheering me on and even one person who only investigated for the cannibalism, and were grossed out by it which is incredible. It was just a torrent of warmth and love and it was so confusing to me at the time but so important now looking back. It was an awful time for me and my life and having all those comments and responses was so special.

∞: something i wish i’d done differently

I read back on it a few days ago and it all seems so superficial to me now, so suffice to say most things and be done with it there.

★: something i’m proud to have accomplished

Just fuckin. Writing it. Finishing it. Impacting people's lives with it. That's why I write that's why I do this. And it was my first foray into more violent stuff so I'm glad I started it by diving in headfirst instead of just dipping my toes in.

Thank you for the ask! Ask game for any other fics of mine that you care to hear about is here, the fic Crying Wolf is here, and I hope you have a lovely day!!

[pretentiouswreckingball]

Some sunny day

******

I didn't plan for this to be this long, I was aiming for three pages at most but well, I had such a great time at the beach the other day that this little thing kind of reflects it. Chilean Lyall though is @sequinhaze fault, their post about Pedro Pascal as Lyall kinda messed with my head so, that part is your doing yaz. Anyway, here's a little fluffy thing.

*******

It’s a sunny day. 

James thinks those are the best days.

It’s a sunny day and a flock of seagulls and pelicans are chilling in the ocean, not far away from the coast. There is the sound of waves crashing loudly in the distance and the cold breeze is keeping the summer heat at bay. The sun is at its highest, lighting the seafoam as it’s made of tiny little crystals. 

James is sitting on a rock under the shadow of a palm tree, his toes buried in the sand, watching his family enjoying the evening. They’d been at the beach for a few hours and he just squeezed some time to just —watch. To treasure, these little moments of love unfurling in front of him. 

On James' right, there are Lyall and Teddy. 

Teddy was crawling towards the sea when James first sat down. The thing is, Teddy knows how to walk. James is aware of this because when his godson first stood up and walked, Sirius called him crying, babbling incoherent words for a solid five minutes before James could figure out what he was saying, before he found himself weeping alongside his best friend. 

Sometimes, Teddy prefers to crawl and that's completely fine, he's really good at it, mind, and he was making quite the progress in his journey, letting his poor grandpa fret behind him.

Only halfway through, Teddy suddenly stopped.

Lyall stopped too, trying to figure out what was wrong and oh, cachito mío qué pasa, ¿estás cansado? ¿quieres regresar? si ya ibas a llegar, poh! no pasa nada, ven, vamos but before Lyall has the opportunity to hold him up, Teddy turned around, his feet facing the water, and started crawling backwards.  

James chuckled in disbelief when that happened. Lyall too was in shock, eyes wide. The beach they're on doesn’t have even ground, more like a big natural pool a bit inclined towards the water, so when you walk down the coast, you tend to favour the side where the sea is at. It's not that noticeable at first sight but it is enough for a kid to feel the need to crawl backwards.

When Teddy was actually getting too close to the water, he stopped, stood up and walked the rest of the way, his little toes touching the wet sand. Snapping out of it, Lyall scooped him up and dragged him out before the next wave came.

They were now sitting sideways from the ocean, Lyall bracketing Teddy between his legs creating a small pool for his grandson to feel the water since he can’t actually do anything much, as he’s only two and a half years old. Teddy didn’t seem to mind much if his shrieks and giggles were anything to go by.

Behind them, far away down the coastline, two figures are making their way to them. 

Remus and Sirius are walking where the water meets the sand, holding hands. They went for a walk since Lyall was looking out for their son and from what it looks like from afar, they appear to be talking. 

Sirius is moving his free hand wildly as if he’s telling the most amazing story and Remus is smiling and laughing, which seems to brighten Sirius's demeanour and make him do even more dramatic gestures. Padfoot is behind them, running between the sand and the water whenever he feels like it, jumping away when the waves seem to get too close to him but returning when the tide pulls away, carefree and happy. 

Something warm blooms in James’ chest.

He gets like this, sometimes. They’re his best friends for god’s sake, he has every right to be ridiculously proud of them, of how far they’ve come, still cradling their love between their hands like when they were younger.

James can see it clear as day in the way Sirius holds Remus’ hand, slowly kissing his knuckles before letting it go, and heading over to Hope who’s reading a book in a hammock, Padfoot in tow. Remus looks after him, eyes full of blatant adoration, smiling that secret smile of his when he thinks no one is watching. 

After a moment he turns around and goes to where Lyall and Teddy are shrieking in unison whenever the water gets to them. James can’t quite make out what they’re saying but it becomes obvious when Remus squats in front of them holding his arms out for Teddy, that he’s ready to take him out and dry him off.  

Teddy’s having none of it.

He turns away from his father, trying to hide in his grandad’s neck. Remus is also having none of it as he tries to coax Teddy away. However, as almost any two-and-a-half-year-old would do, when Remus tries to pick him up, his son goes boneless against him. 

James tries to smother his laugh from where he’s watching the whole scene unfold. Boy does he knows the ways of tiny humans. After some unsuccessful tries, Remus gives up and lets his son stay with his grandpa a little longer. Lyall nods dutifully but as soon as Remus walks away, a mischievous grin appears on his face matching the one on his grandson’s. 

They look so happy to be with each other.

On James' left, a competition is taking place. 

Pandora and Lily are competing against each other to demonstrate who’s the superior castle builder. 

James doesn’t know about the process or the inconveniences behind building sand castles but what he’s sure about, is that they’re both very competitive, always going above and beyond. You just had to take a look at their castles. Pandora and Lily would do anything to show off their talent. Especially if they’re trying to impress their four-year-old daughter. 

Luna is having the time of her life, that much is clear. 

She’s running around between their sand castles wearing a braided crown made of dry palm (Dorcas doing, most likely) with Peter who’s behind her whispering things in her ear that she later screams at her mothers. Switching between cheering and shouting and “Ma! Mommy’s tower is almost done! You need to hurry! And “Mommy, Ma has a pool inside her castle, you’re going to lose!”

“A pool, Lily? Really?” Pandora asks, with an eyebrow raised, looking at her wife above her castle. 

Lily smiles smugly. “Feeling threatened, Lovegood?” 

“You wish, Evans,” Pandora says and as an afterthought, she adds, “you’re a Lovegood too, you know. ”

“And you’re an Evans,” Lily says, shrugging. 

“We’ll see about that,” then she turns to the sea, shouting “Barty, I need more water!” 

“You got it, gorgeous!” Barty shouts already recollecting the seawater with Luna’s small dinosaur bucket. 

Lily, not wanting to be outdone, yells too. “Rosier! Why are you taking so long? It’s just water!” 

“Try to carry two gallons of water in cup-size buckets, Evans!” He complains, the buckets swinging wildly as walks faster. 

“Chop, chop, Rosier, those castles are not going to build themselves!” Peter pesters him and Evan looks two seconds away from throwing one bucket of water at him.

“Bite me, Pettigrew,” he hisses, dropping the seawater in the dry sand for Lily to mould another tower. 

“Put your money where your mouth is and I might Evan, don’t think I wouldn’t,” Peter winks at him and James suspects the red on Evan’s cheeks is not because of the sun. 

“That’s my boyfriend you’re talking about! What, am I invisible or something?” Barty chastises from where he’s helping Pandora dig a hole in the sand to fill with water. 

“That was for you too, Crouch, unless you two don’t come as a package? a pity, then,” Peter shrugs ignoring Barty’s poor attempts to say anything back. 

James doesn’t know how Peter does it but somehow, he found a way to fluster the most shameless bastards there is every time he opens his mouth. 

Evan and Barty were the ones always making that kind of comment until one day Peter got fed up and start teasing them back. He’s been doing it for so long James doesn’t know if it’s still all for shits and giggles or if he actually means it. He doesn’t think Peter knows either. 

Lily groans from behind her castle.

“Knock it off, you three, my daughter is right there.”

Luna is, however, unaware of this whole interaction. 

She proves it as she shouts, “you only got 10 seconds!” and then proceeds to hold her hands in front of her, fingers spread and slowly making the count down, “ten, nine, eight…” putting down a finger at a time. 

Everyone hurry up, throwing sand and water here and there as well as some sea shells. Those 10 seconds turn out to be thirty before Luna puts the last finger down as she jumps wildly, shouting, “Hands up! hands up! time is over!” 

All hands are up in the air and Luna stands between the constructions, looking at every nook and cranny. 

James is utterly fascinated by how much he can see her mothers in Luna. How she furrows her eyebrows the way Lily does when she’s concentrating, or how she pouts slightly like she’s trying to make something out, much like Pandora does when solving a mystery game. 

It fascinates him how much of yourself it's ingrained in the people around you, how evident the mark you leave in the lives of the people you love.

“Okay, it’s done! Please stand here so I can tell you,” Luna says, all business. Pandora and Lily stand in front of her, the castles at their sides. Luna takes a moment to look at them, then she takes off her crown, holding it between her small fingers and clears her throat.

“The winner of the best castle in the whoooole world is…” 

“The whole world, she said? I didn’t know it was that serious,” Pandora says, mildly panicked.

“I knew I should’ve made that dungeon when I still had the chance,” Lily's fingers twitch like she might want to grab the nearest plastic shovel and start digging.

Luna stretches the moment as long as she can while she looks between her mothers, a glint in her eyes. She grins as she announces gleefully, “You two win!”

“Wait, what? you can’t do that! there’s only one winner,” Lily burst out.

“That seems sneaky of you, there’s only one crown, Luna, are you trying not to hurt our feelings?” Pandora narrows her eyes at her daughter, knowingly. 

Luna shrugs but the smile doesn't disappear off her face. “You two win, you can share the crown,” she holds the crown for them to take. “You’re the best mommies and sand castle makers in the whole world!” she cheers as the guys holler and clap from behind.

Pandora and Lily don't say anything. After a beat, they look at each other in unison, and then at their daughter in awe, wobbly smiles on their faces. 

“Is that so? well, I guess the winners deserve a swim in the ocean, don’t you think fellow winner?” Lily blinks rapidly, holding the crown over Pandora’s head. 

Pandora sniffs in agreement. “We do, actually. But we’re going to need something that floats since I can’t swim very well.”

Lily hums. “What about a tiny human, does that work?” Lily acts like she’s looking for something, her eyes landing on her daughter who’s bouncing on her feet, a huge grin on her face. “What about this one?”

Luna giggles. Pandora regards her and says, “yes, she works too,” and goes for her. Luna shrieks and laughs trying to run but her mothers are cramming her in their arms, dragging her towards the water.  Evan, Barty and Peter go behind them, screaming at Luna like they’re going to save her. 

Dorcas and Marlene who were making out further away in the ocean, turn around when they see the commotion. Marlene gets there first and scoops Luna up, holding her up when the tide pulls. Luna is shouting and giggling in her arms and shouts at her aunt Dorcas when she sees her coming and Auntie Dorcas look! I’m a floatie! and are you, now? I guess I’m going to borrow you, them and then she does so while Marlene makes a scene of drowning without Luna while the sound of their laughs echoes in the waves around them. 

James thinks that’s one of the best sounds in the world.

And of course, there’s what’s in front of James. 

Effie and Monty are holding sweet six-year-old Harry between them. Harry looks scared but at the same time, there’s an undercut of pure bravery in the way he’s holding his ground. Harry is wearing Lightning McQueen floaties on his arms and a red swimsuit, even if he doesn’t swim very much. 

Well no, he does, but never in the ocean. 

James suggested to him that he might want to stick to the pool for a little longer but Harry has gotten in his head that the ocean is just a bigger pool and if he’s learning how to swim. he’s going to learn how to swim everywhere, not just in small pools. And well, Harry really is stubborn when he wants to be.

So that’s how Harry ended up between his grandparents, holding onto them for dear life clearly terrified but being so brave about it. 

They’re closer to where James is so he can hear them clearly as Monty holds Harry by the arm and says, “Usted puede mijo, cuando la ola venga, le salta, okay? to which Harry nods and get’s ready to jump whenever the wave crashes into him. Luckily, the ocean is calm today, and the waves are not that big or harsh.

The tide has been gentle so far but James knows the way the ocean works so he’s keeping an eye on it, just to be sure.

When the wave comes, Harry jumps. He stumbles a little, as his small body moves with the wave, his head remaining over the salty water. They do another five times and with each round, Harry seems to loosen up, getting more confident. A little too much as he lets go of his grandparent's arms when a big wave came. He goes under and James is running towards him before he notices what’s going on. 

When he gets there, Effie and Monty are holding him up away from the water while Harry is spluttering water taking big breaths. 

“¡Harry! ¡Harry! ¿Estás bien? ¿Te duele algo?” James frets, looking for an injury in his son’s small body. 

Harry shakes his head, “Estoy bien pa, solo tengo la boca salada ¡puagh!” and he makes a face, spitting the seawater. James tries for a chuckle but fails miserably.

He wants to take him away from the ocean, he wants to never feel this fear again, and he wants to scold him for being reckless and making his poor father's heart go through that. James doesn’t say any of this but instead, “¿quieres que me quede?” giving Harry a choice. 

But Harry shakes his head, holding Effie’s arms tighter.

“No, estoy bien, mis abues me cuidan, ¿verdad que sí?” Harry looks up at his grandparents and Monty nods while Effie squeezes his hand, turning to look at James. 

“Ve a sentarte mijo, we got it,” and they turn around, going for the sea again.

James watches them go.

When he sits again, he runs his fingers through his hair, heaving a big breath, trying to calm his rabbiting chest. Sometimes this is what means to be a parent, constantly worrying about the well-being of your kids. But James has also learned not to hold on too tight, to make Harry feel capable of anything, giving him the confidence to explore his possibilities. 

And Harry is safe and happy and that's what matters the most to James. He’s been so brave trying again that James kind of wishes Regulus could’ve seen what happened. 

“He’s better than me, I would’ve drowned,” a familiar voice says from behind.

James turns around, his upper body unconsciously leaning towards the figure who’s walking towards him, like a tide pulling the strings of his heart. James grins, as they come to his side. He holds his arms to him and his baby goes willingly. He holds her on his lap, embracing her so she won’t fall.

“I don’t believe that you would, you’re too stubborn to die,” he gives Regulus a quick peck on the cheek when he sits down near him in the sand. “You would’ve defeated the water, somehow, out of spite most likely.”

Regulus arches a brow at him, “Would I, now? You know something I don’t, Mr Black-Potter?”

“I do, actually, Mr Potter-Black,” James retorts, smiling at his husband, “I know you.”

Regulus scoffs, rolling his eyes but the flush of his cheeks is hard to miss. His gaze travels to where Harry is, still with his grandparents, playing with the waves and swimming away as Monty acts like a shark who’s about to catch him. 

“He’s so brave,” Regulus observes, absently playing with one of the plastic shovels Lily throws earlier when she was making the sand castles. 

“The bravest,” James nods in agreement, “just like his father”

Regulus hums noncommittally. 

“Do you want to go with him?”

“In a minute” he eventually says, digging at the sand around James. 

James lets that be as it may. 

“What took you so long?” 

“Turns out emergency level one was actually emergency level two,” Regulus says and Helena giggles in James’ arms like she knows they’re talking about her. “A big one.”

“That can’t be true, you wouldn’t do that to your poor papa, would you mi amor?” James coos at his daughter and Helena makes grabby hands at Regulus. 

“papapapapa,” she bables and Regulus’ gaze soften at her. 

Sometimes, James can’t believe his luck. He’s there, with his whole family in close proximity, and he can’t help but think how he comes to be this way. These kinds of moments are the ones James holds onto it the most, keeping them in his pocket and carrying them around wherever he goes. He’s a family man and a romantic, sue him.

“I was thinking,” James begins.

“Oh boy,” 

“No, this is good, I promise,” he says and then, “What if we spend Christmas in Chile?” 

Regulus stops digging at the sand at his feet and looks at him. “What?”

“Yes! Think about it,” he sits Helena on the sand in between his legs, still holding her. “Look, I know you don’t fancy air flights but Teddy’s birthday is around that time and my dad is secretly talking with Lyall, making plans no doubt and my mom is looking for air flights when he thinks no one’s looking and, don’t you want to spend Christmas with Sirius? he’s been talking about it for ages,” and that’s not a lie, Sirius has been talking about it for a long time, he says it’s James’ turn to visit them.

Regulus doesn’t say anything for a long time, just keeps digging. James doesn’t force him, he knows he needs a moment to think about it. Helena plays with the sand and James keeps looking out for Harry. 

After a moment, Regulus speaks again.

“What I’m hearing is that you want to spend eight hours, give or take, in a closed space with two kids under the age of six just so my idiot of a brother stops bitchin' about it?”

“And for the wine, don’t forget the Chilean wine”

“Yeah, how else we’re going to survive Sirius’ never-ending babbling?” Regulus rolls his eyes, covering James’ feet with the sand around them. 

“Be nice, amor,” but Regulus waves his hand dismissively.

“What am I getting in return?”

James scratches the back of his head. “Lots of kisses?” 

Regulus makes a ‘fair enough’ gesture as he says, “okay.”

“Really?” 

“No. I want one month free of changing diapers duty and you’re going to take Harry to soccer from now on,” he finishes, patting the sand around James’ buried knees. 

James, bless him, is too baffled to concentrate on anything else other than Regulus at the moment. 

“What?”

His husband arches a brow at him. “Do you want this or not?”

And well, James really wants it. He tries not to think too much about it. 

“Deal” and they shook on it. 

Regulus nods standing up. He holds Helena up for James to take again. 

He then leans down to kiss James slowly and James melts a little, he always has that power over him, even with the smallest of kisses.  Regulus hums when they break apart, James going forward trying to catch his lips again but his husband takes a step back. 

“I would’ve done it for two months, you know,” James admits in the haze of their kiss and Regulus' eyes are full of mirth.

“I would’ve agreed regardless. I already made plans with Remus. You doing this is just a plus.” and oh, how much James loves this sneaky human being.

“You…” he tries to stand up going for him but he can’t move, he’s stuck. He looks at his feet and sees that Regulus wasn’t only digging the sand around but actually burying his legs in the sand.

Regulus smirks.

“Hey! You buried my feet in the sand!” James shouts, “just wait until I get my hands on you,” he hisses trying to break free. 

“You will have to catch me first,” Regulus teases as he turns around and runs towards the sea, where the other part of his soul is. Harry's smile widens when he sees his papa approaching. 

“Regulus! come back here!” but Regulus ignores him as he holds Harry up and tosses him up in the sky, Harry giggling in Regulus’ arms just as much Helena does in James’. 

Birds take flight, an array of seagulls and pelicans dancing in the bright blue sky. The waves continue to break in the distance, the foam licks the sand where it touches. It all feels vast and real, like the endless sea in front of him. A reverie from which James never wishes to awaken.

Luckily for him, he will never have to. 

Yes, sunny days are the best kinds of days.

[elderflowergin]

Heya, me again! Thank you for getting into it with me. I finished Hot Stove League, what a fun and learning time. I honestly do not find baseball to be at all interesting but this one made me sit through it, and enjoy learning! I agree about Mr Bark and Mr Kwon here, I think they would have, at some point, loved to pulverize eachother from the face of the earth, but in the end came together for Dreams! And Park EunBin! I adore her so much, too much. AHH, what a delight, how amazing is she!

About JangHyun, I am looking forward to his growth. I think Part 1 was about GilChae's growth and part 2 will be his, I'm looking forward to seeing him unlock all of that trauma from his body and release it. Their parting was so horrible horrible horrible. I'm glad I wasn't online much after watching ep10, just so I could l figure out my own feelings about that ending without the many voices getting into my head.

Anyway, I think he will repent.

I'm so team GilHyun or JangChae that my assessment of both in the last EP is that they are both in the spectrum of the the five stages of grief, him: shock and her, maybe anger or somewhere further along the line. I hope I'm making sense. Because he returned to Joseon with the idea that he and GC will be talking about their future, he said they would when he 'proposed' to her before he left. And GC was probably overwhelmed when she saw him alive after thinking that he was dead for so long.(PS: what a horrific way to realise that you love someone). Maybe after a long time reflecting, he may, may, understand that he was asking far too much(the fact that YeonJun said things that make sense before Janghyun was able to see it says a lot.)

I'm very interested in how GC feels about RyangEum.

Extremely proud of GilChae( very sad that we have to keep emphasising this). I'm looking forward to their conversations in the future. To GilHyun or JangChae.🥂

Dearest Anon, I still don’t know how baseball is played but I’m glad that wasn’t necessary to enjoy the show.

I loved Park Eun-bin so much - she’s so smart and gutsy and hotheaded and full of love for her team. I deeply enjoyed her protecting Baek Seung-soo (and on occasion his one cheap suit) by throwing a shot glass at a player built like a tank. I enjoyed Oh Jung-se’s character very much as well - there’s a wonderful scene where he’s with his cousin who drops his key and waits for Oh Jung-se to pick it up - which of course Oh Jung-se does since this cousin will be his boss someday, and Baek Seung-soo observes this moment from his car. Lovely character work in that single thirty second scene.

Thank you for those amazing observations about Gil-chae and Jang Hyeon - it makes so much sense! I think they are deeply misaligned and I agree with you that they are also in two different stages of grief. I think Gil-chae tries to meet him in the middle, but Jang Hyeon didn’t wish to move at all (perhaps partly because he was in shock, as you pointed out). I hope like you do that he reflects on and regrets how he treated her. If there is one very sore point I have with the show, it is that they made Yeon-jun of all people (!!!) say the right thing to Jang-hyeon.

I think you were completely right to stay mostly offline for the post episode 10 discussions. I read very little and backed out. I think it’s just part of a larger cultural conversation that we tend to give men far more grace and leeway than we offer women. I find it ironic here because the characters literally live in an era where men had a lot of leeway to begin with and women had very little (and the show takes pains to address this too!), so it’s a real choice to place even higher expectations and tighter leeway on the women and doing the opposite for men. But this has been going on longer than the internet has been alive, I guess.

Anon, thank you so much for coming by and making these very cool and wise observations. As you progress in your Namgoong Min deep dive, please always know you can come hang out here, link arms virtually and tell me (and us!) all the Namgoong Min feelings. Here’s a hug if you’ll have one! 🫂

[galactic-pirates]

Hey hey 😄 For the fanfic writer asks!!

10, 17, 29 and 41

Hey thank you so much for the ask!!

10) Do you work on multiple wips or stick to one fic at a time? I thought I had already answered this but must have been for a previous ask meme. I've done a few of them lately and it's such fun, thanks for playing all.

Anyway! I actively work on just one. More live in my brain obviously but ping-ponging between projects just makes progress so glacial it gets really discouraging. So one at a time :)

17) Do you have a writing routine? I guess? I turn the PC on. Boot Plottr, open NovelPad. I get my planner and write down the scene I'm working on that day. I decide what my goal is for the day. Lately it's been more time-focused rather than goal. I have a horrible habit of not focusing if I say "do X number of words" and then I sit there forever being miserable. Much better to give myself a time limit, and whatever I get done is all I get for the day. I keep hoping it will teach me to spend my time more wisely but alas there are still days I procrastinate badly.

29) What’s something about your writing that you’re proud of? Already answered here :)

41) Who’s your favorite character you’ve written? Hmm. What I enjoy the most I think is when I can hear the character, and I feel like I captured their voice. That doesn't happen a lot. It has happened with Claudia (Warehouse 13), and I had it happen quite a bit in my Librarians/Sanctuary crossover. I think it helps if the characters have phrases they often use.

But favourite character to write just generally? You know I'm tempted to say Nikola. I went through a phase where I felt like I should tag every fic I was writing with "Nikola is a good friend" because it was just coming out that way. He's a snarky bastard who talks a good game but he doesn't fool me, he can bluster all he wants but I know how much he cares for his friends.

Although I have liked writing Eve in my Librarians fics.

Bonus question because you had a repeat :)

52) What’s the average word count of your fics? 943,505 / 81 (as I have 2 fanarts on AO3) = 11,648

Given my propensity for lengthy multi-chaptered I am surprised it's that low, but then I guess there are a fair few oneshots as well, and it is an average.

I'm bummed it's close to a million but not over it. Makes me wonder if I scrape my HD for all the prompt ficlets I never posted anywhere other than tumblr, or the fanfic I never finished/posted, if I would get there. I doubt it. I've probably got 20k or so but not nearly 60k. Sad.

[thenikwell]

thoughts

never thought about using this place, I just refuse to exist on the other site anymore. do I even need to say which one? now that I'm here, this seems like an optimal place to chuck my in-progress stuff, like I have a Newgrounds and I wanna post sketches and whateva there, but.. it feels like the place is for finished works, doesn't feel like there's any space for showing the growth of a project over time. Soooo I think I'll try to do that here! Even this, just having an outlet for the thoughts I've had swimming around in my head feels nice, Imma try to make this a semi-frequent thing, because I like keeping whatever people may be interested in my work in the loop. At least, I think I do. I feel conflicted with posting stuff. The idea of getting things uploaded is a rush, it feels like some resolve, at last, but still, it's trying to get stuff out, yet not make things for the sole purpose of getting them out. I want to like what I make, I want it to be as good as it can be. So I'll just stare at a piece. Add little touches. Think about posting it. Add more touches. Wonder, "is this even fun? Why am I doing it if not?" I think.. I'd like uploading the small stuff here. The sketches and doodles I make purely for love of it, the progress pics of bigger projects, the snippets of songs I've been sitting on for years by now.. maybe it'd hold me to seeing some of those things through, yknow? But. I only want to do this if I'm going to enjoy the process. That rush of posting a little something once a month might just be the acknowledgement that I finally got out of my own way for a moment. I want to make, I want to be proud of it, and I want to share not because I owe it to anyone, but because I'm satisfied with the result. That being said.. expect some silly stuff on here every once in a while. Hopefully more often than once a month, fingers crossed.

[transgendz]

I got an ask this morning that I've taken some time to consider. I will not be replying directly to it, because its an anon, and someone claiming to be a mutual for years so if they wanna talk they can dm me, but this can be a more full breakdown than an ask can reasonably get.

I've posted proof of the cost of my roommates last ($500) appointment within the past two weeks. If anyone wants to dm me for more proof, I really don't mind.

Those who have been following me for years probably remember why I don't feel safe sharing much info outside of dms at all. It's stalking and abuse, but if anyone needs more details, I dont mind answering that either.

We have been in various stages of getting out of homelessness and seeking treatment for disability for a while now. Fought for my roommate's legal documents for years. A lot of this stuff has been going on for years before we ever asked for help online or otherwise. We got evicted as soon as the rent moratorium ended, and not long after, we got covid that almost killed us. That left me permanently more disabled and left my roommate with a brand new disability on top of the existing ones. For a point of reference, even before the pandemic, I was his full-time caregiver. I still am.

On that note, he spent most of this time last year in and out of the hospital. I am still his full-time caregiver. He still has thousands in unpaid hospital bills. Again, dm me, I do not mind providing proof of all of this. I have his medical records and permission to share them if I remove the super sensitive info such as social security number.

My posts are generally phrased similarly or the same because if I think I phrased it correctly the first time, I will phrase it that way again. I am autistic, and people who talk to me enough to get to know me know I speak on scripts, and I am very repetitive. The people in my life irl remark on it. I don't really know what else to say, except I'm far from the only person on here who does that. I'm not even the only person who does that for the same reasons. I update my posts when I get a notification, and I check my email frequently most days. I do not thank every person who helps us, and I'm sorry. I try, and will keep trying.

Food is our biggest cost due to me and my roommate both having life threatening allergies to dairy, soy, and gluten. I don't know if you can understand how expensive that is until you live it. We are trying to reduce costs though. We have a garden, are expanding to that daily, as well as a greenhouse that was already here when we moved in which we have filled. And fruit trees and berry bushes.

And pretty importantly, all of the supplies have been given/loaned to us by a family member. A lot of the plants were previously planted and came out of dormancy in the last few weeks because it's currently spring. If half of what we have planted now does well, we will be fine on food. If anyone wants proof of all that, I would actually be overjoyed to share about our progress in that. I am really proud of our plants.

I have been looking for a job, I've mentioned that in posts before, but I am still applying. I am a full-time caretaker of a disabled person while also being disabled. I am limited to online work. If anyone has anything I can apply for oh my god I would appreciate it. I will be doing yard sales now that its warmer to help unclutter that previously mentioned family member's house of antiques and collectibles, and I'll get money from that. I do commissions at my art blog @theartistrans I have been doing gig shit and trading labor for goods and dogsitting. I don't have a regular 9-5, but I work.

And I do have a second roommate. She just largely takes care of her own for now, although that's been on and off some in the past as major things happened in her life.