#ppl who get told off at school by teachers

[britneyshakespeare]

you know someday i'm gonna feel so good when i have my student loans paid off

that ain't gonna be soon, trust me, but i think about it

[noctualagenaria]

maybe some 10hour minecraft solo would fix me

[bestlilithian]

The lilithian experience (lilith dominant chart)

Personal experiences w having heavy lilith influence

- Older people being creepy subtly or overtly, but usually subtly with certain looks or touches or comments, especially strangers in public or distant family friends

- Being told Im scary or intimidating, or that I look mean (a girl once told me she thought I wouldnt want to hang out w her and her friends because I looked 'too pretty and kinda mean') [this is esp w lilith/asc harsh aspects]

- Lilith square asc culture is walking into a room a little pissed or in a hurry and everyone shutting up (also works for mars/pluto)

- Now Ive never heard anyone else talking about this but as a lilithian woman Ive always been disgusted by the idea of having sex with a man because in our culture a woman who has sex w a man is seen as having been dominated and degraded by him ("I fucked her" "I hit that" "I scored") also the act itself is very power struggle-ish like no *I* want to bend over a man and make him suck *my* dick

- Ive also noticed a lot of lilithian women are lesbians (including me <3) , might deal w lots of comphet tho

- Being hyperaware of people looking at you (even if youre dressed extremely modestly or without makeup)

- Lilith/moon aspects 🤝 your mom making inappropriate comments about you and your body

- Lilith/sun aspects 🤝 your father insulting you or making weird comments (more subtle w soft aspects so you might brush it off but its still not okay girl)

- People thinking youre flirting with them or others (esp men) but youre just hot and talking, and you cant help that ppl have strong reactions to anything you say really

- Loving eye contact <3 (w the right people)

- Lilith square saturn culture is not being afraid to stand up to authority <3 and having to quite often because they have a pick on you and try to tear you down

- also w lilith square/opposite saturn grown ass adults will have beef w you when youre a kid, esp those w authority over you like teachers, coaches etc

- Lilith/asc harsh aspects and overthinking whether a fit is too revealing or not (because you dont want to get harassed and looked at again) (but then youll grt harassed even if you go out in a priests suit so 🤩)

- People (esp men) trying to use you for sex

- Always being the one guys want to be friends w benefits with while theyre crushing on another girl

- "I dont like what you do to me" - most men Ive interacted with for a while

- A guy told me he liked me for who I am but he couldnt stand "the effect I have on him"

- lilith in 4th house culture is attracting men w mommy issues and being looked at by guys in relationships

- lilith/mercury and needing to know all your friends bdsm test results

- People liking when youre mean 2 them

- People who hate you often want to have sex w you

- Ive had so many guys in my class literally have to gather up courage to talk 2 me, even for basic things like asking me to help w something, they approach me looking all tense and worked up like Ill slice their head off for asking me to help them with their math lmao

- A classmate (and friend, apparently) of my friend once didnt want to come out and meet me when I went to my friends school to give her something because she thought Id beat her up (for context I found out she said some nasty things to my friend and was not happy about it)

- Being told by ppl (esp men) that I remind them of characters who are villains

- People esp girls not liking me for no reason or being rude

- Guys in relationships being extremely cold and rude to me or even shittalking me to their gfs (you can guess why)

- People trying to 'put you in your place'

- Recognizing other lilithians immediately

- Being insecure about your private parts, your body in general and your appearance

- Sex obsession since a young age

- Sexual harassment unfortunately

[thecapricunt1616]

Im sick in the head another Carmy drabble in one day

Another Dad!Carmy Drabble bc I’m sick in the head and can’t stop thinking abt him. So imagine him going to his baby’s school for career day 😭🫶 he would be so so proud of his work bc his baby would be just GUSHING over him and I need this out of my drafts SRRY ppl who have sent requests this has been rottingggg (more below) 

Okay so firstly your daughter would excitedly wait on the porch of your house for him every day when she knew he would be home from work. She is a daddy’s girl from day one because ofc she is (Carmy spoils her rotten and physically can’t tell her no so you’re always the bad guy unless her safety is involved ofc) she could give an eff about whatever your career is because she grew up in the restaurant like Carmy did, so when they were told at school there would be a career day when you picked her up she proudly took the sign up sheet from her bag, and was like

“Mommy, daddy is gonna come to my school to talk about ‘The Bear’ isn’t that cool!!” 

And naturally this is the first you’re hearing of this so you’re like “he is?!” And she shoves the paper in your hand and points to the date 

“See mommy! And he has to sign off and- and I want him to make cannolis for my class! Teacher said yes, and he has to mommy!” 

You’re just like ‘oh! Alright honey well daddy is very busy we’ve talked about this yes? We will ask him if he can’ 

So Carmy gets home, she’s on the porch - charged. She’s vibrating with excitement. He gets out of the car and she sprints up to him, giggling happily and squealing 

“Papa Bear! Papa Bear!! Papa Bear!!!” The name she only used when she was buttering him up for something. 

He laughs, picking her up and swinging her around, kissing all over her face and throwing her in the air in the way you’d usually scold since it scared the living shit out of you - but in her 8 years he hasn’t dropped her— yet so it was acceptable sometimes. 

“My baby bear” he said happily and rests her on his hip “how was school, what did you learn today mm?” He holds his backpack on his shoulder as he carries her inside.

“I learneeedd” she shows him the paper “that we’re having career day and you have to come! Please daddy please daddy plllleeeeeaaasseee!!!” She begs puckering her lips for a kiss to further sweeten her deal. 

He smiled a bit, giving her a tiny sweet peck “yes my little love, I’ll come f’r y’career day, of course sweet angel girl. When is it hmm?” He carried her in the kitchen where you were at the stove, cooking Mac and cheese to go along with the chicken tenders that were air frying 

“Mommy!!! Daddy says yes!! Okay daddy- so you need to make cannolis for my class cause they’ll think it’s so cool” she said happily and points at the paper “look may 24 mommy says that’s 23 days away, and daddy you can make cannolis for us - and - and I can do my chocolate chip chef job daddy!!! I can help you, I'll help!!” She said excitedly to which he beams with love and pride. 

“Thas’right princess you can be my sous chef y’remember what that means mm?” He questions, rubbing her little back with a smile

“I’m second best!!! I’m second best to daddy in the kitchen. I’ll be first some day though daddy” she kisses his cheek sweetly and hugs him tight to which he pouts adorably, looking over at you with big blue eyes

“Thas’my smart girl” he says softly and kisses her head. “You will be baby. You’ll be the best ever. I know it. You’ll change the whole world with your cookin’ mmm?” He rests his cheek on her head sweetly, resting against the counter while they cuddled. 

You could barely stop the tears that gathered in your eyes. Seeing your husband and your daughter like this was something you didn’t think you’d ever get over.

 From the very first day they’d met, even when she was all - frankly yucky, and slimey after she was just birthed - Carmy didn’t mind the nasty cottage cheese like muck that covered her skin just minutes after delivery as she laid on your chest, easily finding your nipple to latch so soon after being born, still in the delivery room— as if she was the smartest baby to exist. 

He still kissed her head. Even with the nasty, cheesy vernix covering her skin, he gently massaged it into her back as she ate for the first time, sniffling at the sounds of her little huffs of breath against your swollen breast. “You did so good baby. Look at her-“ he rasped, his voice watery and loving. “She’s perfect” he said, rubbing the pad of his thumb over her little shoulders. 

“I’ll be the best at The Bear someday daddy” she promised and hugged him tightly “I love you” she mumbled happily  He cradled her as if she was still a little baby, kissing her face and swallowing back choked sniffles and sobs “I love you little bear- s’much” he whispered, so grateful and over the moon his little girl took such pride in what he does.

[cinnajun]

ᵕ̈ ೫˚∗: 365 days | pgw

summary | the first year of your relationship with park gunwook, quantified by 12 separate events.

genre | park gunwook x fem!reader, high school!au, very slice of life, fluff, angst, y/n is bisexual, roughly 1 month has passed in between every part

warnings | jealousy + attempted sabotage, the horrors of girlhood (insecurity, slight mention of beauty standards, comparison)

wc | 12.7k

a/n: if you listen close enough you can hear me screaming in agony ++ can someone please remind me how to think up ideas that don't require several thousands of words

ft. youngeun and yeseo from kep1, boys planet/redstartz junhyeon, ppl i made up

i. confession

Tears bunch in your eyes as you sit behind your school building, the intensifying heat of spring embracing you like a warm hug. You feel devastated like someone had just stabbed you through the heart and left you to bleed.

“I think you’re overreacting, [First].” Youngeun’s voice is gravelly over the phone yet still uneasy, overall impacted by the sound of her gym class. Yeseo, who’s sitting next to you, hummed, although you weren’t sure if she was agreeing with Youngeun or not. “I mean, is it so bad he knows? It was bound to happen, probably.”

“Well, no, it wasn’t,” you stuttered, trying to keep the urge to sob and scream at bay. “And, to be fair, that’s not what I’m worried about. I’m worried about what else Yukyung was telling people without me knowing.”

Youngeun begins to speak but doesn’t get more out than a squeak, and you can almost imagine her opening and closing her mouth in an instant. Yeseo picks up the slack, saying, “Well, it’s worse to assume than to deal with the facts. Yukyung, for whatever reason, told Gunwook about your crush on him and showed him the texts, and it’s getting out among our classmates. In my opinion, there’s one course of action you should take.”

“Which is?”

“Youngeun tells Gunwook that you want to talk to him after school, and then you talk to him after school.”

You groaned audibly and Youngeun gasped, presumably in horror. You stared at her in exasperation, letting a single tear fall down your face. Yeseo wiped it off with her cardigan’s sleeve, frowning at you. “I mean, the worst that could happen is that he doesn’t feel the same way and you feel embarrassed for a couple of months. And we all unfriended Yukyung pretty much instantly, so she won’t be around anymore.”

“Doesn’t matter, still happened,” you replied. “I don’t want to see him ever again. I’d rather die than see him again.”

Yeseo put a hand on your back, while Youngeun yelped at the sound of a basketball hitting the closet she was hiding in. “I’ll ask him, and you’re gonna do it, [First]. You can’t skip a week of school during the first week of school.”

“Who said I was going to skip?”

“Every time you’re minorly embarrassed by something you skip school,” Yeseo said, looking at you like you were insane. “Like that one time you got a bad score on our math midterms during our first year and the teacher asked you what happened in front of everyone, so you skipped 2 days and sulked in your room.”

“That was warranted,” Youngeun commented, which caused Yeseo to glare at the phone. “But! Not the point. For all you know, Gunwook could like you back, and you’ll be able to say you had a boyfriend in high school. Right?”

“The chances of that are incredibly low,” you whined, drawing your knees up to your chest and burying your head in between them. “We’ve barely even talked. We just sit kind of next to each other during our cram classes, and that’s it.”

“He could be delusional too!”

“Are you calling me delusional?”

“The bell is about to ring,” Yeseo cut in, grabbing your phone out of your hands. You immediately popped out of your fetal position, reaching for it as quickly as you could. “Youngeun, leave the supply closet and ask him, please. Pick a location and text the groupchat. [First] and I have to go back to the classroom so we don’t get in trouble for skipping our study block.”

With that, she hung up and left you to your devices. The day passed agonizingly slowly after that, and you found yourself struggling to focus on anything your teacher said. At some point during your study block, Yukyung had left, leaving you alone at your desk with no seatmate to annoy or watch (not that you wanted her there, anyway) for the day. That was likely out of embarrassment, too, as now your classmates, who generally liked you, weren’t as sure on how to deal with the newfound information.

The only other thing worth noting was that, during your 5-minute break in between classes, Yeseo told your homeroom teacher what happened and she approved you switching hers and Yukyung’s desks after school, but, other than that, you felt your sanity whittling away by the minute.

Youngeun had haphazardly chosen a tree behind the gym, typically reserved for successful confessions, because she’d been staring at it out the window as she talked to Gunwook (which she described as the scariest conversation of her life) and didn’t know where else would work.

According to her, he’d blushed as she asked, accepting on the pretense that it wouldn’t take long because he promised his older brother that he’d get dinner with him that night. Initially, you lamented over the fact that you wouldn’t have anyone to stare at during your after-school classes, but it quickly dawned on you that he thought you were going to confess to him (which was true—you were going to confess to him).

Then, when you got done with class for the day, one of your classmates—Gyuvin—hit you on the shoulder on the way out with a quick “good luck!”

It took Yeseo dragging you to the gym and offering you $20 and a free fun drink afterward for you to get used to the idea you were doing this, and about another 3 minutes of you panicking at her in a hushed whisper while she told you to get over yourself. Then, Youngeun sprinted over, panting and still half in her gym clothes.

“You didn’t change after gym?”

“Not the focus! You’re actively making him wait!” she choked out, apparently exhausted from her mad dash. You rolled your eyes, dropping your bag down next to them and taking a deep breath.

“If I throw up on him, I’m going to kill you.”

With that, you began your death march to the tree, where Gunwook stood, scrolling through his phone. The sight of him made your stomach explode with butterflies, which you tried to shut down given your (supposed) fate of rejection. You were mentally preparing yourself to be in turmoil for the next few days, but deep down, all you wanted was to rewind time to when you told Yukyung about your silly, little crush and stop it from ever happening.

Your crush on Gunwook was never meant to go anywhere but your brain, and now you were walking up to him, about to pour out feelings that were half-manufactured by Yukyung convincing there was a future that would come with them.

“Hi,” you managed, causing Gunwook to spin around and shove his phone in his pocket.

“Hi,” he replied, scratching his neck as if he was unsure what to do with his hands. “Um, how are you?”

It was a stupid question, and you could tell he knew that. Of course you wouldn’t be doing well—one of your best friends told the entire world (him, and then one of his friends leaked it to the rest of the school) your entire life story (a single crush).

“Could be better.”

“Yeah.”

You looked off to the side, seeing Gyuvin and Junhyeon, who you knew were close to him, watching from a second-story window in the school building. You tried to ignore it, but you knew you’d hyperfocus on it now.

“Look, I’m sorry,” you finally breathed out, twiddling your thumbs. “Yukyung—I don’t know what to say that you don’t already know. I guess I have a bit of a crush on you. Sorry.”

“Sorry? Why are you sorry?” he asked, sounding genuinely perplexed. You looked back up at him, shrugging.

“Well, it’s weird. We don’t really know each other, and then a girl you don’t know very well is suddenly telling you that I’m head over heels for you.”

“You’re not?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say it that way, no. Just a crush. Not much else.”

You thought there would be a weight off your shoulders once you managed to say it to his face, but it was, quite literally, the opposite. Your stomach was tightening up and your throat was closing, but you didn’t move, just staring him in the face.

“So it would be awkward if I professed my undying love for you right now.”

You flinched at that, frowning. “That was kind of mean.”

Gunwook’s face dropped when you said that, and he shook his head rapidly. “No, not—I wasn’t making fun of you, I swear. I promise. It was a bad way of saying I have a crush on you too. Sorry. Uncalled for. Didn’t mean it.”

The words fell from his mouth like an avalanche, and all you could do was stare at him in awe. “Wait, really? Why?”

“Why? I don’t know. We spend a lot of time together, even if we don’t talk often,” he said, shoving his hands into his pockets. “We were in the same class for our first year, then we started at the same cram school, and now we sit near each other. You’re entertaining to watch when you’re taking notes.”

“You stare at me in class?” you asked, genuinely shocked at his admission. You thought you stared at him enough during the same classes that it was impossible he could’ve been doing the same thing. Apparently, he was good at catching you when you weren’t watching his every move. “Creep.”

“Like you don’t? If I’m a creep, what are you? You’re way worse than I am,” he replied. “Whatever, it doesn’t matter. What now?”

You tapped your chin, looking back over at the window Gyuvin and Junhyeon had been in. They were gone now, presumably to meet Gunwook when your conversation was over. “We could try being a ‘thing.’”

“A thing?”

“I don’t think we know each other well enough for like—I don’t know, for me to call you boyfriend,” you replied. “So we can just be a ‘thing.’ No strings attached! And we can go on a date or two. Maybe.”

“A date or two? Whereabouts?”

You smiled, and he did too; you were shocked at how well he managed to goad information out of you. You tended to say things but never follow up on them, not unless you were pestered over and over again—it had taken Yeseo nearly a year to get it down.

“Do you like the zoo? Recently, I’ve been wanting to go to the zoo. They have a new baby bear—cub?—that I wanna see. Perhaps on Sunday? Are you free then?”

“I might be free on Sunday,” he said, handing his phone out of his pocket. He unlocked it, pressing a couple of buttons before handing it to you with an empty contact screen open. “How about we talk about it later? I’m late for meeting my brother.”

You typed in your name and number, sending yourself a quick text so you’d be able to initiate if you felt he didn’t text you fast enough. “Sounds good to me. I’ll see you later. Tell your brother I said hello.”

“Okay, sounds good,” Gunwook chuckled. He reached out and ruffled your hair, giving you a wide, bright smile that could’ve overpowered the sun if he tried hard enough. “I’ll see you later, so we can start our ‘thing.’”

“Yup, bye-bye. See you tomorrow.”

ii. lunchtime

You and Gunwook, mostly on purpose, don’t spend a lot of time together at school. Sometimes, you say hi and smile at him when you walk into his classroom to grab Youngeun, but, other than that, you keep it separate.

For one thing, it makes it easier to keep it “no strings attached,” as you’d proclaimed the day Yukyung briefly ruined your life, but it also was somewhat fun for you and him to not address what happened. Thanks to Gyuvin, half—if not all—of your grade had heard about it, and someone had spotted the both of you under that god-forsaken tree, but you hadn’t said a thing.

For you two, it was like nothing had happened, and, for everyone else, it was like a bomb they were just hoping would go off. It was fun—like you were living out a cliche, teen drama.

So, when Gunwook sauntered into your classroom in the middle of your lunch period, proudly holding a bottle of special juice you briefly talked about wanting, you were somewhat shocked. For the most part, you weren’t mentally prepped to interact with him during the day, especially as Yukyung watched on with her new couple of friends from the corner of the room.

You, Youngeun, and Yeseo stared at him as he approached, Gyuvin following close behind. He put the drink down in front of you, a proud smile on his face. “Look,” he said, gesturing towards it, so you looked. It was a brand of juice—they advertised it as a “smoothie,” but it was just slightly thicker juice—that you’d enjoyed a lot on a trip to the United States that you’d gone on a while back.

You hadn’t seen it once in Korea, even after taking Yeseo with you to search for it for hours. “Where in the world did you get this?” you spluttered out, picking it up. It was chilled, too, as if he’d been keeping it in a refrigerator (or, an insulated lunch box with an ice pack in it).

“He didn’t,” Gyuvin snorted, putting an arm around Gunwook’s shoulder. “Junhyeon did while he was in Busan this weekend.”

Gunwook hit him hard on the chest, clearing his throat. “Do you like it? Are you excited?”

“The right flavor and everything,” you replied, a surge of joy running through you. “Thank Junhyeon for me, okay?”

Gunwook scoffed, mumbling, “It’s not like I didn’t pay him back twice the price or anything,” under his breath. You held up your fist, to which Gunwook stared at it, somewhat dumbfounded.

“What?”

“You want a fist bump from me?” he asked incredulously. You nodded, exaggerating the movements to make it seem like he was missing the obvious. So, he bumped your fist with his, shaking his head. “See you after school, [First].”

“Yup, I’ll see you.”

And you watched him walk out, Gyuvin in tow—and, from the corner of your eye, you saw Yukyung watching his every move, up until he left the classroom.

iii. field trip

The third-year field trip was something you’d looked forward to for a long time—as a way to force students to take a break from their studying, your school sent all the first years to some fun location, paying for most of it with donations they got from alumni and parents.

This year, they’d had the bright idea to send you all to Hawaii, which had been both shocking and exciting. The farthest they’d ever sent anyone was Jeju, and that was a few years ago; but, they’d got some huge donation this year and decided to splurge.

So far, the trip had been fun, for the most part. On the airplane, you’d forced Gunwook to sit next to you so that you could hold his hand every time the plane shook (he’d laughed at you over your fear of turbulence, but you were too aware of the fact that he was rubbing your hand with his thumb to care). Almost all of your classmates, to whom you had not disclosed the nature of your “thing” yet, had stared at you every time they walked past. About halfway through, Youngeun, who’d volunteered to be the third wheel, leaned over and told you she was pretty sure the news was making its way down the plane, and people were getting up to fact-check it for the row members.

“That’s stupid,” Gunwook laughed, pulling your hand onto his tray table. “Doesn’t everyone know [First] is just afraid of planes? Nothing else going on here, not at all.”

Then Yeseo had popped her head above her seat and turned around to face you, an eyebrow raised. “Have you two kissed yet?” she’d asked out of nowhere, to which you shrugged.

“Why would we kiss when nothing is going on?”

Then, upon arrival, you and Gunwook had sat next to one another on the bus to the hotel, to which you’d promptly fallen asleep on his shoulder (since you didn’t sleep much on the plane) for the entire ride. You woke up to him holding your hand again, scrolling through his phone haphazardly.

After that, you’d had all eyes on the both of you—when you got to the hotel, while you were listening to your teachers give instructions, while keys were being handed out. And, as a result of what you assumed was anxiety over not knowing English, Gunwook and his two friends, Junhyeon and Gyuvin, followed you, Yeseo, and Youngeun around for the entire trip.

Then, on the third day of the trip, Gunwook asked if you’d want to go on a date with him. The idea was silly to you—not because you didn’t want to, but because you were two teenagers going on a date on your almost-all-expenses-paid trip to Hawaii.

That’s what you were doing now. It was the day before you were to head back home, and Gunwook had, for lack of a better word, taken you out. To a fancy restaurant—where he made you translate the entire menu and order for him—and to get some sort of fancy pineapple dessert afterward. Now, you were strolling on the beach, watching the sun fall below the horizon slowly but surely.

“How much longer until curfew?” you asked, turning around to face him. You continued walking backward, lacing your hands together behind your back.

“About half an hour. We’re close enough to the hotel that we don’t have to start walking back now, but we should think about it soon.”

You hummed, stopping abruptly. You faced the shoreline, listening to the sound of the waves draw in and out like breaths from a sleeping person. It was so alive, yet not at the same time, and it mesmerized you; you’d never seen an ocean like this before.

“You look pretty tonight,” he mused, staring at you rather than the ocean. You scoffed, rolling your eyes at the comment.

“Look at yourself in the mirror.”

“I’m not pretty, I’m beautiful, thank you very much.”

A question was bubbling up in your throat now, much like the water in front of you. You felt a surge of anxiety wash through your stomach, and you were mentally transported back to that tree from a couple of months ago. The pure embarrassment you felt was gone and replaced with a sort of hope that was more painful than uplifting, as if it was a glass cup teetering on the edge of a table.

“I have a question,” you started, banishing the unease from your stomach.

“Oh, yeah?” he asked, raising his eyebrow. He wouldn’t look away from you, no matter how much you tried to focus on the sight in front of you. A crooked smile bloomed on his face which should’ve quelled your worries in an instant, but, for some reason, it only made them worse. “I suppose I have an answer for you.”

“Do you?”

“I just might, if you manage to ask the question.”

“Okay, here I go,” you said, mustering up all your courage and turning to face him. His eyes sparkled in the sunlight, and you immediately felt discouraged just looking at him. He was right—he was beautiful, almost impossibly so. Yet, here you were, boring and average, barely even able to hold a T to him. Plus, the only reason you were even here was because someone you’d considered a best friend had told him you liked him, and now you were getting into your head over something that was long over.

His smile dropped a bit when he (most likely) realized you were panicking a bit, but he didn’t say anything, simply waiting patiently for you to continue. You forced yourself to regain focus, shaking your head as the image of Yukyung permeated in your mind. He grabbed both of your hands as a way to help soothe the worry, and it worked as well as it could, pulling you back into reality.

“Do you want to be my boyfriend, maybe?” you finally asked, watching as his face lit up against the sun.

“Do I?” he asked back, allowing himself to smile fully. “This is the best question I’ve ever been asked. Seriously.”

“Seriously?”

Gunwook giggled, swinging your hands around a bit. “Can I kiss you? Pretty please?”

“Can you?” you mimicked, feeling the heat rising in your cheeks. Gunwook giggled again, leaning down and pressing a kiss to your lips. It was slow and sweet, his lips soft and tasting slightly of the pineapple you’d had earlier. He laughed and smiled through the entire thing, squeezing your hands in delight before letting go and wrapping his hands around your waist. As cliche as it was, you draped your hands around his neck, starting to giggle too.

When he pulled away, he leaned his forehead against yours, still chuckling in delight. “This is so exciting,” he said, rocking you back and forth on the sand. “I’m so excited. I feel like I’ve been waiting for this for my entire life, you know? Even if I’ve only known you for three years. I can’t explain it—it’s unexplainable. I’m so excited.”

“You know what, I’m getting the idea you might be excited.”

And Gunwook shut you up with another elated kiss, ending your night in an impenetrable wall of pure joy.

iv. sleepover

Your parents were adventurers and you decidedly weren’t, which often meant you had your house to yourself. It was nice, mostly because it allowed you to spread out all your study stuff on the dining room table and do all of your work right then and there without your parents talking to you every 20 seconds.

Sometimes, though, things didn’t go as planned, and you had to do things you didn’t want to do. Namely, spend the night in the house completely alone. Every creak or thump made your heart beat out of your chest, which ended up in you taking a knife and a flashlight through the entire house with the emergency number pre-dialed.

Oftentimes, it ended with you not sleeping and then having to miss school because of over-exhaustion.

You were sitting in your living room while on the phone with Gunwook (he claimed you were moral support for his studying) when your mom texted you, the message starting with a bunch of emojis, which was her way of beginning a message with bad news.

“Oh god,” you said, cutting through the hour-long silence you’d maintained with your boyfriend.

“Huh? What’s up?”

“My mom texted me. There’s some huge accident on the freeway, so they’ve got the entire thing blocked off. Traffic is awful on other routes so they’re just going to pull off to a motel and sleep there tonight.”

“Oh no,” he said, and you could tell he was preoccupied with whatever math problem he was doing. “House to yourself, I guess?”

“I’m glad it’s Saturday,” you said, frowning. “I’m not gonna get any sleep tonight.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t like being completely alone in the house. I’m convinced someone’s gonna come in and kill me.”

“Hmm,” Gunwook hummed, pausing briefly. “I could come over and stay the night? I’ll leave early in the morning so they don’t find out I was there.”

Realistically, you knew you should say no because the chance of your parents finding out about Gunwook terrified you, but you had poor judgment and liked your boyfriend too much to turn down seeing him. “Would you actually? It’s kind of late, and I wouldn’t want to make you walk that much in the dark.”

“It’s not that far of a walk,” he said, and you could hear him packing his school stuff already. The sound of pencils clinking against pencils and books closing made you feel all warm and fuzzy—instead of studying for the test that was going to decide his fate as an adult, he was coming to make sure you felt comfortable and safe.

“Oh yeah, because 30 minutes is ‘not that far.’ Just get it over with and tell me you’re in love with me.”

Gunwook cleared his throat at your quip, choking on air. You snickered, finding how flustered he got at the “L-word” quite cute (as if you wouldn’t do the same thing). “I’ll be there shortly.”

He hung up the phone without saying bye, most likely out of embarrassment, which made you feel proud of yourself. And, true to his word, he showed up about fifty minutes later, balancing his school backpack on one arm and another bag on the other. “Do you know how hard it is to jump out of your window with two bags?” he asked, walking into your house as if it was his own. You wondered if he cared about the fact that he’d never actually been inside before, given he’d only ever walked you home, but you assumed his unwillingness to do his usual hello-and-hug meant he was somewhat flustered by it.

“Are you moving in, or something? What’s in the bags?”

“Well, I can’t stay the night without all my nighttime stuff,” he huffed, breezing past you and dropping his bags off next to the stairs. You watched him look around frantically, and you somewhat assumed that he’d hung up on you because he’d realized what exactly he had suggested and had no way of backing out of it now (you hoped he hadn’t even thought about backing out).

“You’re such a diva,” you scoffed, shuffling back into your living room and returning to your position on the couch. He sat next to you, leaning against the armrest and putting his legs on top of yours. You rolled your eyes, picking up the remote and pressing play.

“So, what are we watching?”

“Whatever romcom was playing when I turned the TV on,” you replied, keeping your focus on the screen. Suddenly you were feeling embarrassed even though you’d been feeling so egotistical a second ago, as you were realizing you were in more danger here than he was. He’d successfully snuck out (or so he said, but you were pretty sure he probably told his mom and then snuck out the window to avoid his dad finding out), but your parents lived here, and if they got here before you were expecting them, it was over for you.

It dawned on you that you needed to find out when they were planning on getting back, so you wrenched your phone out of your pocket, furiously typing to your mother. Gunwook noticed, pointing at you and laughing. “You were so high and mighty a second ago, and now look at you. Somebody realized they’re going to be in bigger shit than I am.”

“Shut your mouth,” you hissed, watching the little bubble that indicated your mom was typing.

“Maybe we should send her a selfie, huh? Just so she knows a random teenage boy that she doesn’t know is in her house,” Gunwook continued, sucking all of the confidence you’d once had out of the air. “She’d be super excited, right?”

“If you’re not out of my house by 5:30 tomorrow morning, I’m going to break up with you,” you announced, glaring at him. He made a face at you, shaking his head.

“Be glad I like you so much. Waking up at 5:30 is brutal. I didn’t even do that when Gyuvin got his appendix out and texted me thirty times to ask if I’d be there when he got out of surgery.”

“You liar, Gyuvin literally told me that you showed up with flowers and a get-well-soon card.”

Gunwook blushed at that, clearing his throat. “Okay, whatever, fine. Let’s just watch the movie.”

The two of you got about twenty minutes of the romcom in before he checked the time and announced that you were both going to sleep. You said he could go on his own—midnight was early for both of you, and you weren’t the one waking up at 5:30—but he got all whiney, turning the TV off and picking you up from the couch.

You’d gone through the motions of your nighttime routine together, with Gunwook’s being about fifty steps longer than yours. You ended up sitting on the floor while he put on a million serums and waited thirty minutes in between each one, claiming it was to “let each product soak into his skin.”

You texted Youngeun and Yeseo about it, not thinking about the implications behind waiting for him to finish his skincare routine. Immediately, they began blowing up your phone, and you promptly muted your group chat and their individual text threads, not wanting to deal with the onslaught of questions they were likely unleashing onto you.

Then, you looked up to see Gunwook putting on a lip mask. Knowing it was probably the last step in his routine, you hopped up from the floor, staring at the small, pink container that the gel lived in. “Oh, I’ve always wanted to try that out,” you said, not thinking about it too hard. “Is it nice? Does it work?”

“Shouldn’t you know better than anyone whether it works or not?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. You slapped him hard on the shoulder, causing him to yelp in pain. “Okay, geez, yes, it works. Do you want to try some?”

“Oh, can I—”

Before you could even finish your sentence, Gunwook leaned down and kissed you somewhat hard, almost causing you to stumble back a bit. Either way, you almost immediately broke it off, incredibly flustered at the act. You slapped him again, although this time it was a million times weaker. “You’re so stupid, oh my god, you cliche loser.”

“Be grateful I was willing to give you any, this stuff is expensive,” Gunwook said, cackling. He put a bit more on his finger, rubbing it into his lips to compensate for what he lost from kissing you. “I thought you liked kissing me, no?”

“I also like the thought of you getting hit by a train. These things aren’t mutually exclusive,” you huffed, looking to the side. “Whatever. I’m going to my room.”

“Ooh, me too,” he said, draping an arm around your shoulders as you walked past him. He kept himself in step with you, flicking the bathroom light switch off as you both exited the room.

“Who said we’re sleeping in the same room?” you asked, raising an eyebrow. Gunwook laughed in your face, causing you to frown.

“Okay, sure, but one noise and you’ll be prancing into the guest room like a scared dog.” “Who said I had a guest room? Go to the couch.” You wiggled out from under his arm, opening the door to your bedroom and flicking the lights on. Gunwook continued following after you, but quickly walked past you and climbed under the duvet on your bed. Somehow, he’d already plugged his phone in and put his bags neatly in the corner of your room—it must’ve been when he walked out to grab his toner pads from his bag—and had settled into your bedroom quite nicely. You stared at him in awe as he yawned, patting the bed next to him.

“It’s bedtime.”

“For you.”

He laughed at you again, patting the bed once more. You shut your bedroom door behind you, turning your phone’s flashlight on and turning the lights off as soon as they’d come on. You shuffled over to the bed, sliding in next to him and cuddling up to him. He reciprocated, putting an arm on your waist and giggling.

“You giggle too much.”

“Good night, [First]. I won’t wake you up tomorrow morning, but I’ll be out by 5:30. Promise.”

Even though you weren’t tired, you fell asleep like a baby next to Gunwook, basking in the warmth he brought. You were pretty sure you’d fallen asleep before him, actually, but you swore up and down it was because he’d been humming to you and rubbing your back in a way that was more relaxing than you would’ve liked it to be.

So, when you woke up the next morning, the sun barely peeking through your curtains, to find him gone, you felt relief. You groaned, turning over to search for your phone, which was, as always, placed on your bedside table.

You picked it up, barely being able to make out the time—5:01 am. Huh, you thought, frowning. He left earlier than he needed.

And then you looked at your notifications—three texts from your mother.

2:34 am—Hi honey, the motel was uncomfortable and we couldn’t sleep, so we’re getting an early start. I know you get paranoid, and I hope you’re not awake, but texting to let you know just in case you are. Should be there about 4:30.

3:47 am—Update, we’ve hit some early traffic, so probably closer to 4:45. It might still be 4:30 if we’re lucky.

Finally, 4:11 am—We got lucky!!! We’ll be there in 10. Assuming you’re asleep…am glad. Can’t wait to be in my own bed.

You shot up from your bed, suddenly feeling more awake than you’d ever been in your life. With what little sunlight there was, you looked to the corner of the room, clearly seeing two black bags that didn’t belong to you. Then, an extra phone on your nightstand.

Panic set in. You, as quietly as you could, got out of bed, shuffling to the door. With a hand haphazardly placed on the knob, you pulled your door open, cringing at even the slightest of noises. You heard the sound of a glass hitting your table downstairs, and you felt like crying.

Slowly, you tiptoed down the stairs, catching sight of Gunwook, blue sweater on and exhaustion written on his face, sitting across from both of your parents. Breakfast was ready on the table, and Gunwook had a full plate in front of him, but it had barely been touched.

He noticed you first, looking up at you from the table. He looked violently uncomfortable, pleading for you to come save him, and you just about turned around and went back to your room.

“[First],” your dad said, turning his head to look at you. “Why don’t you come join us? I suppose you have a few things to explain.”

v. ice cream

You loved summer for a multitude of reasons—the lack of school, the increase in fun treats, and the overall happiness that came upon everyone during your one month off of responsibility. So, when you caught wind of a fair opening up, you knew you couldn’t pass up going.

Your first invites were Yeseo and Youngeun, since the three of you always spent your summers at amusement parks and pop-ups. But, they’d had the bright idea to invite along your boyfriend and his couple of friends—it would be okay, they said, since there’s three of you and three of them. So, you did, and you were entirely grateful that you had.

You didn’t know Gyuvin or Junhyeon very well before today; Gyuvin tended to follow Gunwook around, and Junhyeon had bought you juice once upon a time, but that was about it. It was the same for Gunwook and your couple of friends, as the most they’d interacted with him was on your plane ride to Hawaii.

Seeing your friends getting along with his warmed your heart, and it had put together a day you would never forget, most likely. About twenty minutes ago, your four accompaniments had made up some excuse as to why they needed to separate from the two of you, which had left you strolling through the fair as the sun was beginning to set.

The sky had erupted into a million different colors, namely pinks and purples, which you were particularly enamored by. You’d endearingly linked your arm with Gunwook’s and you’d been walking through the local artist alley that they’d put up.

“I’m glad it’s cooling down,” you said, staring at a booth where a woman was showing off all of her handmade jewelry pieces, which you found to be quite impressive. “As much fun as a fair is, it always sucks when it’s too hot to enjoy.”

“It wasn’t that hot today, though, was it?” he replied. “I mean, it got warm around 3, but that was just about it. I thought today was relatively tame compared to the rest of the week.”

“Okay, Fireboy, whatever you say. But, for the record, tame compared to the rest of the week doesn’t mean much when it was nearly 35° the other day,” you scoffed. Gunwook chuckled, and you looked over at him, intending on continuing to talk about the heat. But, a booth behind him caught your eye, distracting you from whatever you were planning on saying next.

You unlocked your arm from his, smiling mischievously at him. “Wait here,” you said excitedly, pulling your wallet out of your tote bag. You quickly walked over to the ice cream booth that you’d seen in the distance, the thought of how cold it would be tainting your mind. Even just a little bit of freedom from the heat was enough to sweep you off your feet, at this point.

“What would you like?” the server asked, to which you smiled at her, staring at the menu.

“Um, just two vanilla cones, please,” you said, realizing you had no clue what flavor of ice cream he’d even want. You hoped he didn’t have a terrible disdain for vanilla, but you doubted he did, given you’d never seen him actively dislike any food in your life. You got the amount of money it cost out of your wallet and placed it on the counter, shoving your wallet back in your bag.

The server handed them to you, and you thanked her, turning back around to hobble back to where you’d left Gunwook. And, as you did, you were met with quite possibly the worst sight in the world—he stood off to the side of the jewelry booth talking to someone. Namely, he was talking to Yukyung.

Of course she would be here—before she’d broken your trust, she tagged along on your summer adventures. She was your best friend once upon a time, and now, she was not much other than a bad memory, and she was talking to your boyfriend.

You didn’t know how to describe the feeling it evoked. It wasn’t jealousy—you knew what jealousy felt like, and this was too mellow and depressing to be jealousy. Yukyung looked gorgeous, as she always did, dressed in a pretty, flowy, red sundress that just barely brushed against the tops of her shoes. Her makeup was perfect and rosy to match the dress, and she’d braided white ribbon into her hair, which you thought made her look even more elegant than she had before.

Oh, you thought, biting your lip. This is inadequacy.

You watched them talk, and you watched the way she smiled and the way he seemed uncomfortable just from the way he stood. For a brief moment, you thought they even looked a bit good together, but that thought was quickly washed away when you felt ice cream drip onto your finger.

When you looked back up, she was gone, and Gunwook had gone back to lingering. You shook your head, jogging up to him with a smile. “Happy summer,” you said, handing it out to him. He smiled back at you, taking the ice cream cone from your hand.

“Thank you,” he said, taking a big bite straight from the top. You widened your eyes in shock and your face distorted into one of disgust.

“You bite ice cream?”

“And what about it? Do you have a problem with it?”

“Yeah, actually, I do. That’s weird and strange.”

“You know what else is weird and strange?”

“Huh?”

“The fact that you’re letting your ice cream melt all over your hand.”

vi. overwhelmed

You’re wondering how long you can get away with staying in the bathroom before someone notices that you’ve been gone for much longer than you were expecting. You hug your knees to your chest, playing a mindless game in hopes it’ll calm you down at least somewhat.

You knew this would happen at some point—every upperclassman you’d talked to told you that, in the months approaching your college entrance exams, your mental health would plummet. From panic attacks in the bathroom during math classes to not being able to fall asleep until four in the morning.

You just underestimated how much it sucked to feel like this in the first place. You’re no stranger to stress, that much is certain, but this was much more real. And, this sort of panic hit you anywhere and everywhere—including Gyuvin’s birthday party.

Briefly, you glanced at the time—8:02. You’d been in the bathroom for about 10 minutes, and nobody had come looking for you yet, which was good. The bad news was that you weren’t any closer to calming down and were feeling utterly helpless.

As if you’d jinxed yourself, Gunwook texted you at that very moment, asking where you’d gone. You half-assed your reply, saying you were still in the bathroom taking a break from the chaos, ignoring the temptation to ask him to come help you. It would be mean to Gyuvin and him—so, for the sake of your sanity, you’d stay quiet.

Meanwhile, Gunwook stood in one of Gyuvin’s hallways, staring at his phone. Junhyeon had followed him back as Gyuvin was well entertained by Ricky, who he hadn’t seen in nearly a year, and stood next to him, leaning against the wall.

“Things have been weird lately.” Gunwook frowned, reading over your text again and again. Junhyeon tilted his head inquisitively.

“Weird how?”

“Just…I don’t know, she’s been weirdly distant from time to time. Everything will be fine, and she’ll shut off with no warning. It happens no matter where we are, too—if we’re studying, if we’re walking home, if we’re eating dinner. It’s strange.”

“Could it just be test jitters? I know a lot of couples who broke up in anticipation of the test, with plans to get back together afterward. Like Yuna and Jaechan, in class 4. They did that.”

Gunwook’s frown deepend. “I don’t want to break up with her, though,” he sighed, watching as the typing bubble on your end appeared and disappeared. “Would it be weird to look for her? Like would she find that strange?”

“She probably walked off because she didn’t want to take you away from Gyuvin, but Ricky’s here now, so I don’t think it would be a bad idea, per se,” Junhyeon said, patting his shoulder. “But make sure she doesn’t feel bad taking you away from everything. I think Gyuvin would understand. And Ricky wants to meet her, so no harm in making sure nothing’s wrong.”

Gunwook bit the edge of his lip, shoving his phone into his pocket. Gunwook gave Junhyeon a pat on the shoulder, and he nodded, walking back toward the bulk of the party.

The bathroom was behind a bed sheet curtain that Gyuvin had hung up before the party, with a lame “do not enter” sign taped to it. He’d proceeded to give you, Gunwook, and Junhyeon special permission to break the rules, as the three of you had been in the house before and knew which rooms were okay to enter and which ones weren’t.

The door was closed and the light was on, which meant you’d gone out of your way to go to the off-limits bathroom, where Yeseo and Youngeun wouldn’t be able to find you. He frowned, raising his hand to knock on the door.

Then, he heard a small sniffle behind the door and stopped. Gunwook had never seen you cry—early into your relationship, you’d told him you weren’t a crier, and not many things pushed you to that point. At the time, it had been relieving, as he didn’t know you well enough to even attempt to comfort you.

But, now a good three months had passed, and he still had no clue what to do, which made him feel more stressed than relieved. Nevertheless, now that he knew, he couldn’t just leave you, so he knocked on the door.

Your response was, “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Gunwook took that as an invitation to open the door, finding you sitting on the floor of Gyuvin’s bathroom while holding your phone. You weren’t crying, but he could tell you were close to it. He slipped inside, closing the door behind him, and sitting next to you on the ground.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, scooting closer to you so you’d be shoulder-to-shoulder. You shrugged, looking off to the side.

“I’m stressed. You know, with the college entrance exams and graduating stuff, the world is just a lot right now. I didn’t think it would hit here, though, but the number 18 being passed around made me think about it too much. It’s silly.”

“No, it’s not,” Gunwook replied. “It’s okay to be stressed out about something stressful, even if you’re at a birthday party. And it’s okay to tell me because Gyuvin’s friend came to surprise him after he moved to California, so he’s not upset that I’m gone. Okay?”

Your lip quivered a bit, and Gunwook put his arm around you, pressing you into his side. He rubbed your shoulder reassuringly as you sniffled again, obviously having to try harder to keep your feelings in.

At that moment, you wanted to spew everything at him. Your feelings of insecurity towards Yukyung, the stress you felt knowing he was going to get into some fancy university and you probably weren’t, how scary everything was right at this moment.

But, you stayed quiet and chose to burst into tears instead. The moment one tear escaped from your eye, the rest did, too, and you found yourself crying into Gunwook’s chest. He was rocking you back and forth, rubbing your back while you covered his shirt in your tears.

You felt miserable—if you could, you wanted to pause time, run outside, and scream. At what, you were unsure, but you needed it, more than you needed anything else in the entire world. You could only take this for so much longer.

“I’m here for you,” Gunwook whispered, squeezing you gently. “I’ll always be here, I promise.”

You took his words to heart.

vii. wisdom teeth

On day four of Gunwook’s wisdom-teeth recovery, you’d been asked to be his caregiver, which you were okay with. His mom, who was infinitely grateful that you’d offered to take care of her son, assured you that he was technically cleared to go back to normal after day 3, but he was still feeling a bit wonky, and his pain medicine enhanced the wonkiness.

Your jobs were as such: make soup or mashed potatoes when he asked, remind him to clean his wounds if he forgets, and hang out with him. You found the list quite easy and told his mom that you’d make sure he was all good and cared for.

You underestimated, however, how needy your boyfriend would be. The moment you’d walked into his bedroom to wake him up, he attached himself to you, whining about how much he’d missed you over the past few days. He spoke as if you’d gone off to war and left him behind with your nonexistent children, insisting that your absence had ruined his life.

After you managed to make him brush his teeth, spray salt water into his mouth, and eat his breakfast (a bowl of yogurt), he passed out on the couch, leaving you to do whatever seemed appealing at the moment. Initially, you spent your time scrolling through all the selfies he’d sent you of his face all swollen and puffy, which had got you giggling. Then, you had the bright idea to help 

You started by slightly cleaning his room up, feeling pretty good about yourself as you washed his clothes and his sheets. In your mind, you were building a resume to ensure his mom liked you, and you were going to earn extra affection from it, so you didn’t care about the repetitiveness at all.

About halfway through your cleaning adventures, Gunwook appeared in the doorway of his bedroom, staring at you folding the load of laundry you did. “How are you?” you asked, continuing to fold his t-shirts.

“Have I ever told you that you’re perfect?” he mumbled, shuffling over and draping himself onto you. He wrapped his arms around your waist and shoved his face into your neck, nearly knocking you over by putting his entire weight on you without warning.

“Only every day,” you replied, giggling. “Seriously though, how are you? Anything feel off or more painful than it did before you napped?”

“No,” he said, pressing a quick kiss to your neck. “Stop sounding like my mom. It’s weird.”

“What do you want me to say? ‘I hope you get dry socket?’”

“It’s better than mom-speak,” he replied. “She’s going to love you after today. Not gonna shut up about it.”

“That’s the entire reason that I’m doing all of this.”

“And not to help out your hurting boyfriend? You’re terrible.”

You scoffed, finishing folding the rest of his clothes. “Are you hungry?”

You patted his arm and Gunwook unattached himself from you, letting you turn around to face him. He rubbed his eyes, shaking his head. “No. I’m so glad you’re here. I missed you a lot.”

“Did you?”

“My mom said I cried about you being at school right after I got out of surgery,” he replied. You widened your eyes, not expecting him to be that forward about it. “I don’t like being away from you for so long. I hope we never, ever separate.”

You smiled, half-heartedly punching him in the shoulder. “I hope you stay this nice even after you feel fully better.”

Gunwook gave you a serious look as if he was thinking hard about something. You waited awkwardly, staring at one another as he sounded out whatever he was thinking in his head. “Over the past few days, I’ve been thinking a lot about something.”

“Which is…?”

“I’m going to say something,” he said, putting his hands on your shoulders. “I’m not expecting a reply. I just need to say it. I’ve thought about it a lot.”

“Okay, go on ahead. I’m listening.”

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes as if whatever he was going to tell you was stressing him out. It made you get a bit anxious, wondering if he was going to break some terrible news to you. “Over the past couple of days, I’ve missed you a lot, more than I missed Gyuvin and Junhyeon combined. And it was hard only being able to talk to you through texting, even though I only text my friends for days on end sometimes. And it got me thinking about everything, you know? Because it’s all I’ve had to entertain myself since I got my teeth pulled.”

“Right.”

“I love you, [First]. A lot. And it’s okay if you’re not ready to say that yet, I get it. But I do. Truthfully. I’ve never felt this way about anyone.”

It felt like a rock was stuck in your throat. You opened your mouth expecting words to come out, but they didn’t—so, you just stood there, staring at Gunwook. He stared back at you, eyes glossy from tiredness and cheeks pink. You weren’t ready—the words were so big and so scary, and it wasn’t that you didn’t love him, you just couldn’t find the words to say it.

Your solution to this was to engulf him in a hug, latching to his waist like you’d done a second ago. No words were needed as he did the same, and, for a while, you stood there, enjoying one another’s company.

viii. mirrors

You don’t remember the last time you’ve felt this gross when looking into a mirror. The dress you’re wearing is gorgeous—it’s long, flowy, and summery, the type of dress that doesn’t look bad on anyone. Yet, staring at yourself right now, you feel utterly disgusting.

It’s the same type of dress you saw Yukyung wearing at the fair, and, when you look at yourself, all you can do is compare yourself to her. Even when you were best friends, this was a problem you had, but it wasn’t nearly as awful when she made you feel safe and loved. Now, it felt threatening and nauseating.

Gunwook knocked on the door of your dressing room, causing you to wince. “[First], are you done? Can I see?”

“Yeah, sure. One second.”

You quickly retied the bow around your waist, hoping it would make you feel a little less awful. It didn’t have the intended effect, but you turned around anyway, opening the door to the dressing room. Gunwook’s expression bloomed into a smile the moment he saw you, but, instead of feeling loved, you only remembered the way he looked at Yukyung with slight disdain at the fair while she wore the same thing.

“You look so beautiful,” he said, which caused you to subconsciously frown. He noticed immediately, his smile morphing into a frown to mirror you. “What’s wrong? Do you not like it?”

You turned around, staring at yourself in the mirror once more. “I don’t feel pretty in it,” you said, trying to be as upfront with your emotions as you could. You saw Gunwook’s jaw drop in his reflection in the mirror as if he couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

“How in the world could you not feel pretty? It fits you perfectly, and it’s entirely on theme for your cousin’s wedding. You look gorgeous, I swear. Everyone would agree with me.”

“Are you sure?” you asked, hoping and praying that, if he said it for a third time, the image of Yukyung in your mind would miraculously go away. He nodded earnestly, making the most serious look you’d ever seen him produce.

“One thousand percent. And I’m not just saying it because I’m your boyfriend, I mean it. You look beautiful, and every other synonym of beautiful. I’m serious.”

You nodded, fabricating a smile so you could take it off and put your sweater back on. “Okay, I’ll get it then. I’m sure my mom will agree.”

You shut the dressing room door, fighting the urge to slam your head into the mirror. You just pulled the dress off of you, replacing it with your normal clothes and putting it back on the hanger, swiftly exiting the room so you’d no longer be facing the mirror.

After that, you’d tried to escape the mall as quickly as you could, dragging Gunwook through the corridors like you were on a mission. He’d followed without saying anything, but you could tell he was somewhat confused—and you hoped that confusion would go away when you arrived at the bus stop just as it arrived.

Gunwook knew you better than that, though, shooting you multiple inquisitive looks for the duration of your bus ride. And, the moment you got off, he whistled a small tune, which was a clear sign that he was going to bring it up.

“So, what’s up?”

“What do you mean?” You feigned ignorance, hoping he’d get the message and leave it alone. He wouldn’t, though, and it was now a question of whether he meant today only, or why you’d been acting so strange over the past month or so.

“You’ve been acting weird for a while, [First]. Not all the time, just sometimes, and it has me worried. Did I do something? Or is there something you aren’t telling me?”

“I’m just on edge,” you lied, clearing your throat. “Exams are next month. I don’t like the idea that a single test could dictate the rest of my life, and the idea that, if I do poorly, I have to spend another year studying for it.”

“Are you sure that’s it? You seem fine every time we’re studying, and your grades are good. You don’t ask for nearly as much help as you did a few months ago either.”

“I promise. Things will go back to normal next month, I swear.”

“Okay.”

Great, you thought, kicking a rock on the sidewalk. He knew you were lying, and now you had one month to fix your ex-best-friend troubles before you had to face your issues. And, you had no idea how.

You kicked the rock again, and it flew out in the street, falling into a storm drain, never to be seen again.

ix. exams

Before today, you didn’t think your hands could hurt this bad. Nor did you think your brain could hurt this bad, either.

The moment you walked into Gunwook’s room, you drop everything you’re holding, face-planting into his bed. He laughed at you, and you could hear him neatly placing everything he was holding onto his desk.

“How can you unpack things right now?” you asked, mentally praising whoever created mattresses. “I feel like my brain is short-circuiting.”

“I’m good at school stuff, that’s why,” he replied. Outside, the rain that you’d dealt with walking to his house got worse, and you briefly considered the possibility that you wouldn’t be returning home tonight unless one of your parents were willing to drive to Gunwook’s house. “Do you want something else to wear? Other than your uniform.”

“Really?” you asked, hopping out of his bed. He nodded, opening his drawer and taking out a t-shirt and pair of sweatpants.

“They’ll probably be a little big,” he said, handing them to you. You waved him off, shaking your head.

“They’re not this god-awful uniform, so they’re winners in my book.”

You practically skipped out of his room and into the bathroom, changing into the pajamas he’d given you hastily. They were soft and smelled like the detergent his mom bought (which smelled exactly like you thought Gunwook would smell, back when you just had a delusional crush on him).

Before you went back to his room, you folded your uniform, giving yourself a once over in the mirror. You looked exhausted and you felt it too, overloaded from the hours of straight testing that you’d endured for the sole purpose of going to university. You were so tired you couldn’t even muster the strength to be worried about your test scores.

You shuffled back into Gunwook’s room, shutting the door behind you. He was already laying down, scrolling through his phone and wearing the black-and-white sweater he’d been so obsessed with recently. You put your uniform on top of your bag, which he’d moved to a chair in the corner of his room, before collapsing on top of him and forcing your hands around his waist.

The act caused him to laugh at you before ruffling your hair, kissing you atop the crown of your head. “I’m proud of you,” he said, and you felt his chest rumble as he talked. “I’m sure you did well.”

“Stop being sappy,” you replied, suddenly feeling a lot more tired than you had been. “But I’m proud of you too. I know you did well.”

He hummed, and you assumed he went back to scrolling through his phone, which you weren’t angry about. You had about five minutes before you fell asleep on him, and you were fine spending it in complete silence save for whatever random thought you had.

“Oh, did you see the Yuna-Jaechan reunion? It was, like, dramatic. He gave her some super expensive necklace or something.”

“I didn’t see it, but I heard about it. Junhyeon hasn’t shut up about it. He thinks it’s hilarious.”

“If we’d done the CSAT breakup, would you have bought me a super expensive necklace?”

“We wouldn’t have, but I would’ve bought you the most expensive necklace ever. With Gyuvin’s money.”

“Aw, how romantic.”

It went quiet again, and you felt yourself fading quickly. The rhythmic up-and-down of Gunwook’s chest paired with the rain pitter-pattering against the window was putting you to sleep with ease, to the point where you could barely keep your eyes open.

And then a bright flash and near-immediate thunder awoke you instantly, causing you to flinch hard. Gunwook laughed at you instantly, causing you to feel embarrassed.

“Oh, is someone afraid of thunder?”

“No,” you huffed, closing your eyes again. “I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“Okay, whatever you say. But that jump was pretty intense. I almost thought you were convulsing, was scared that the test had killed you.”

“Fuck you.”

“Good night, [First]. Sleep well.”

Now aware that you were enduring a thunderstorm, the booming noise that came with the rain only added to your sleepiness. Within minutes, you were almost completely asleep, barely able to register when Gunwook laughed at something on his phone or shifted slightly.

“I love you,” he whispered, putting a single hand on your waist. With that, you were asleep and entirely dead to the world for the next few hours.

x. gossip

You didn’t like the way Youngeun was looking at you. She couldn’t keep secrets—it was obvious she knew something, but you couldn’t figure out what exactly she could know.

Yeseo, on the other hand, seemed completely fine, even if Youngeun kept giving her worried glances. She simply drank her juice, mixing her noodles around with seemingly no intent to actually eat them. It was silent at your table, the sun beating down on you as you sat outside the 7/11 you’d all agreed to go to after school that day.

“What is up with you two?” you finally asked, frustrated with whatever was happening. Youngeun winced and Yeseo put her drink down, balancing her chopsticks on top of her bowl of ramen. It was silent for a few moments, and you felt anxiety eating you up.

“There’s a rumor going around,” Youngeun blurted out, causing you to tilt your head. Yeseo crossed her arms, leaning back in her chair.

“It’s not a big rumor. It’s small and contained, and it shouldn’t get much bigger, but we don’t want you to hear it from someone random, or to overhear it when you don’t mean to. We don’t think it’s true, but you deserve to know.”

“Okay, just tell me. I don’t need this huge build-up.”

“There’s a small group, and I mean small group, that think Yukyung and Gunwook are dating behind your back.”

You went quiet, feeling your heart drop into your stomach. Realistically, you knew it wasn’t true—from the way Gunwook talked to you to the way he looked at you, there was no possible way that this was true. The part of you that was borderline traumatized by her sudden switch up on you believed it in an instant, though.

“Do they have any proof?”

“Apparently, they see her talking to him a lot. I mean, she doesn’t hang out in your classroom often, ‘cause her new friends are in mine and Gunwook’s class. And, to be fair, they aren’t wrong, she does talk to him a lot, but he doesn’t like it. It wouldn’t shock me if she’s trying to get him to break up with you, but they’re not dating,” Youngeun said, suddenly sounding a lot angrier than she did before. “I’ve seen him shoot her down several times. But people take it the wrong way, I guess.”

“Long story short, don’t believe it, [First]. We both know it’s not true and if you start hearing it from other people, ignore it. Okay?”

Like the world was playing an awful, cruel joke on you, your phone started ringing, and one look confirmed your suspicions. You picked up, hearing Gunwook’s voice come through, clear as day. “Do you want to see a movie tomorrow?” he asked, skipping over the greeting. Intrusively, you thought, would he go with her, too? “I’ll pay. It’s a showing of a Ghibli movie that Yujin said was good.”

“Sure,” you said, feeling Youngeun’s and Yeseo’s eyes burning through you, as if to say don’t you dare overreact about this. “What time?”

You were going to overreact about it anyway, though. You couldn’t do this, at least not with Yukyung—or, at least the thought of her—breathing over your shoulder at every moment. She meant too much to you that your mind was racing through every single thought you’d had over the past few months.

She was your best friend, and you’re pretty sure that, before Gunwook came into the picture, you were in love with her. You spent hours upon hours with her, and now you spend hours looking through the old pictures that you refuse to delete. You’re stuck on her—not in love with her anymore, but yearning for a friendship you lost—and it’s getting in the way of your relationship, and your mind concludes that there’s one viable outcome.

And, now, you have an excuse to carry it out.

xi. her

You don’t have the time to knock on Gunwook’s door before he throws it open. He hugs you immediately, picking you up and spinning you around right there in his doorway, and, for a minute, your mind is clear of all the terrible things that you’ve been trapped with for the past month.

“We did it,” he cried out, putting you back down so he could see your face. “We did it! Oh my god, how could we not have done it? We were always going to get in.”

About twenty minutes ago, both you and Gunwook received an email from Seoul National University that you’d gotten in. After you’d cried for four hours over your good CSAT scores, you nearly passed out at this news, wondering in what world you had deserved this. And, among your caving-in mind over Gunwook and Yukyung, you’d immediately left your house and ran to Gunwook’s.

He cupped your face in his hands, planting a kiss on your lips in utter joy. You laughed, feeling immensely happy for the both of you.

You tripped over your feet as you walked into his house, kicking off your shoes and emerging into his living room. “I never thought this would happen,” you said, pacing around the room. Gunwook watched you from behind the couch, smiling. “I mean, for the last month, I’ve just—I haven’t caught a break. I’ve been miserable every waking moment and now I finally have something to be happy over. Can you believe that?”

You look at him, and you watch his smile drop. You backpedal over what you said, realizing that you’d let your little secret slip; since Youngeun and Yeseo had told you about the rumor, you’d done an excellent job at hiding your panic, acting like everything was fine when it wasn’t in the slightest.

“What do you mean you’ve been miserable?”

You stopped pacing, and the room went quiet. In an instant, you’d knocked the happiness out of the room and brought in everything you’d been avoiding. The breakup plan you’d thought of night after night flashed in your mind, along with Yeseo telling you that you were an idiot for even considering it.

“I don’t know where this came from,” he continued, his voice a bit tight. “But I was under the impression everything was okay. We took the test and you looked better—why wouldn’t you tell me you were miserable?”

You weren’t sure what to say. Your heart was beating out of your chest and you felt nauseated, no longer feeling the excitement of the college acceptance you’d yearned for since you were a kid. “It’s stupid,” you said, your voice small. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll get over it.”

“I don’t know if you understand how that sounds to me,” he said, and you were getting the idea that he also had an issue that he hadn’t been talking about, either. “But we’ve spent a lot of time together over the last month, and you saying that you’ve been miserable the entire time sounds a lot like you saying you were miserable being with me.”

“What? No, that’s not what I meant.” You shook your head, feeling mortified at the idea. “I promise, that’s not it. It has nothing to do with you.”

“Then why won't you tell me? I don’t think I’m entitled to hear anything from you that you don’t want to talk about, but when it’s been torturing you for months, [First], I feel like I deserve to know. Especially since it seems like Youngeun and Yeseo haven’t gotten any of the side effects.”

You bit your lip, closing your eyes. “You know Yukyung was my best friend, right?” Even saying it aloud made tears bunch into your eyes. For the first time since nearly a year ago, now, you were facing something you hadn’t even talked about with your mom. “Like, best friend. We’ve been—we were friends from our first year of middle school. She was my everything. And she threw it all away over—over you, and it’s been hard for me to stomach it.”

Gunwook rolled up his sleeves, leaning on the couch. “That happened in March,” he said, almost sounding frustrated. You knew it wasn’t directed at you, rather, he was probably angry that Yukyung had any say in your relationship even though you’d never even spoken about her.

“It killed me, Gunwook. I didn’t sleep well for a week. I mean, she was telling people things I told her in middle school, running around and painting a picture of me that I didn’t know she had.” You felt exasperated, unsure of how to convey what you needed to without sharing a secret you’d never shared with anyone. “It was hard for me. Even though I was happy about us, I couldn’t get over losing her like that with no warning. And then, I saw her talking to you at the fair, and then Yeseo and Youngeun told me about the rumors, and—”

“Rumors?” he interjected, furrowing his eyebrows. “What rumors?”

“People think you’re cheating on me,” you replied, crossing your arms over your chest. That seemed to confuse Gunwook, as he looked down, staring at the couch rather than looking at you. “It’s just hard, okay? It’s hard.”

“And you couldn’t have told me you felt like this? It didn’t cross your mind, even for a second, to just be honest?”

“Well why didn’t you tell me that she’s been talking to you at every chance she gets?” you rebutted. That caused him to wince, and you watched him realize that he couldn’t say much, either. “It’s not like we’re both innocent, here. So let’s get it over with. Now.”

“I’ve been thinking about this for a while,” Gunwook said, pushing off the couch and mirroring your stance. “Gyuvin brought it up during our second year before we knew each other. It didn’t cross my mind again until I saw you staring at her when I came in to give you your calculator back. And then—it’s been months and you haven’t said you loved me.”

Every muscle in your body tensed, and it, once again, occurred to you that you could never pull anything over on Gunwook.

“Are you in love with her?”

You gulped, your throat suddenly feeling drier than it ever had. “I was. A long time ago.”

It went silent again, and you wondered if he believed you. “I promise you it’s in the past. It was only during my first year and some of my second, but I got over it when she started dating Seungeon. And they lasted long enough for me to get over it, and we added Youngeun to the mix, so I was preoccupied. That’s in the past. But it doesn’t change that she threw out five years of our friendship without a second thought.”

He didn’t say anything for a couple of minutes, beginning to pace back and forth. You let him think, hoping that your defense was sound enough that he wouldn’t break things off then and there.

“Do you love me, [First]?”

Two months ago, Yeseo had asked if you’d said “I love you” yet. You’d, embarrassingly, had to share that Gunwook had but you hadn’t, which perplexed both of them. And, when they asked why, all you’d been able to tell them was that the last person you’d said “I love you” to was Yukyung, the night before Youngeun called you, telling you everything she’d heard.

“Yes,” you said, nodding. “I do. I love you.”

Right in front of you, Gunwook burst into tears, walking straight past the couch and enveloping you in his arms. “I thought you were going to break up with me for so long,” he choked out, squeezing you so hard you could barely breathe. “I was terrified the entire time, and I thought things got better after the exams, but I couldn’t shake the feeling. I was so scared, [First]. I love you so much that I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”

“I love you too,” you said, although it was muffled. “I promise. And I didn’t love her as much as I love you.”

xii. graduation

You were realizing that your claim that you didn’t cry often was quickly becoming a lie. You were sitting on the floor of your room, holding your diploma to your chest while tears streamed from your eyes. Gunwook was staring at you with a mixture of amusement and worry as you rocked yourself back and forth.

“Youngeun is leaving me,” you said, hiccuping. “Both of them are. For Japan. I’m going to have to make new friends.”

“But you’ll still be able to talk? They won’t even be in a different timezone.”

“Okay, and?” you said, hiccuping. “It’s so far. I won’t be able to go to 7/11 with them anymore.”

“We can go to 7/11?”

“That’s different, you’re my boyfriend. 7/11 is a commitment when it’s with you.”

“What does that even mean?”

You let out another Earth-shattering sob, and you supposed that convinced Gunwook to come over and attempt to comfort you. “There, there,” he said sarcastically. “Japan is very far. And you’ll have to pay more to call them. I’m sorry.”

“At least try to sound a little serious!”

“Neither Junhyeon nor Gyuvin got into SNU.”

“Okay, but they’re still in Korea, so you’ll be fine. There’s no train to Tokyo here.”

Gunwook wrapped his arm around your shoulder, leaning his head on yours. “It’ll be okay. They’ll be here over breaks and you’ll get to see them then, right? And you always have the—wait, why don’t you have a picture of us framed?”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No, I’m serious,” he said, pointing to your dresser, which was right in front of you. On top were multiple framed pictures of the three of you, smiling, laughing, and doing other things. “What’s up with that? Am I less important than them?”

“Shut up.”

“No. I’m going to buy a disposable camera right now, and we’re going to take pictures so you can print and frame them.”

You rolled your eyes, wiping away your tears. “Okay. Whatever you say. Even though you’re my wallpaper, and you’re the only number pinned in my text messages, and you’re the only person who’s ever known the password to my phone.”

“You love me.”

“Not when you’re a greedy loser.”

“Aw, I love you, too.”

thank you for reading !

[tzyuki]

— (08.14.23) ZEROBASEONE

IN WHICH ✶ jj tzyuzki writes different enemies 2 lovers scenarios with the jebis!

genre 𓏸 ͘ ࣭⸰ gn!reader x non-idol!zb1 , e2l

warnings 𓏸 ͘ ࣭⸰ none that i know of, if so please tell me!

͏͏⏤ ☆ sung hanbin / 성한빈

you and hanbin would be “rivals” while working at a cafe. like when you guys are told to sell certain items on the menu you guys try and get more than the other. you start catching feelings for him when one day he defended you while getting yelled at by your boss.

͏͏⏤ ☆ kim jiwoong / 김지웅

you and jiwoong would be labeled as competing actors because you guys both were actors on hit dramas, the nets would compare characters / actors and you guys would get compared more than the others. so when you guys both landed a role on the same show you kind of had an image already set for him, you just saw him as your rival because of all the talk online. but when you found out that your characters would end up being a side relationship you were taken aback, but as filming happened you slowly fell in love with his personality.

͏͏⏤ ☆ zhang hao / 章昊

you and hao were popular among the music scene, while hao was getting invited to play at a bunch of weddings, you were getting invited to play at a bunch of birthday parties. you started to see him as a rival when people started to book him instead of you, your clients would message you saying “I’m so sorry y/n, can we cancel you?” and then on the day of the event you’d see photos of hao from the attendees who were crushing on him. you started to feel attracted to him when he was booked for a wedding of a friend, you could see how passionate he was while playing the violin and that hooked you in.

͏͏⏤ ☆ seok matthew / 석매튜

you had just found matthew annoying, for like no given reason…you just liked being a little hater and didnt understand why ppl were fawning over him. he knew you didn’t take much of a liking to him so he would purposely annoy you more. when he had gone back to korea you actually missed his annoyance.

͏͏⏤ ☆ kim taerae / 김태래

taerae and you were always fighting over the top two spots in a game that was currently popular. you guys would always juggle between the first and second spot. it irked both of you guys so much that even the sight of each other or the sound of e/o’s voice pissed you guys off. it’s only when you guys suddenly get placed into the same teams on another game is when you guys got close. learning that it’s pretty fun to play games with one another.

͏͏⏤ ☆ shen quanrui / 沈泉锐

you were honestly just jealous of the attention ricky got that it made you hate him. he had everyone loving him and you just didn’t understand it. you knew deep down that it was js pure jealousy but one day when ricky is your assigned partner you learn how soft spoken and sweet he could be, slowly understanding why he’s the center of the attention.

͏͏⏤ ☆ kim gyuvin / 김규빈

you hated how loud and chaotic gyuvin was. you were introverted and hated loud distractions. gyuvin and his friends would be at the library trying to study but they end up just goofing off. this made you grow a hatred for him because of how inconsiderate he was being. but when you are assigned to tutor him you find it kind of endearing on how clueless he was about a certain subject, but tried his best to understand it.

͏͏⏤ ☆ park gunwook / 박건욱

you guys were constantly up against each other academically. you guys were the schools best students and always fought for the top spot. you hated how he ‘stole’ the class president spot from you js because everyone found him charming and attractive. you had some personal problems going on, causing your grades to drop drastically. gunwook noticed this as your teachers would scold you. he thought you looked hopeless so he wanted to help you catch up, that’s when you started to learn how kind the boy is, definitely deserving the class president spot.

͏͏⏤ ☆ han yujin / 한유진

you and yujin would bicker all the time for no reason. one day two bickered while a lesson was going on and both got detention, your teacher making you guys sit next to each other and finish a worksheet tgt in hopes you’d get along by the end. you both were stubborn as hell … it took you guys a while to actually start on the worksheet but you guys learned that you can work well that day.

permanent taglist (open) 𓏸 ͘ ࣭⸰ @jangwonie @cwsana @luvyrin @shinsou-rii @amara-mars @ineedaherosavemeenow @mintydayeon @love-4-keum @kpopx-xlover @abdiitcryy @beepjeongie @ox1-lovesick @ja4hyvn @winkura @ddeonudepressions @tnyhees @wannabeyn @kpoprhia @svnghoonsonly @redm4ri @yerimse

[pumpkinsy0]

I didn’t realize how much I yapped to my sister (she use to work at my high school.)UNTIL I started college and had to sit quietly for like three hours straights not talking to anyone. It’s only the first week of school and I’m already going insane by the fact I can’t talk as much anymore.

I am one day away from yapping off my poor desk neighbors ear off. That being said I feel like this is a very Sodapop thing of me to say SOOO!!

HC’s for a Sodapop taking classes at college and comes home talking up a storm since he can’t talk at school very much???

i guess the popnin his name stands for the cork that POPped out his mouth😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

•i think hes outgoing enough to actually enjoy the first day of class and SOMEHOW, the ice breakers that teachers make u do, he tells 3 facts and goes on different tangents for all of em, everyone knew the talker they had in their class in that exact moment

•teachers find him a bit odd bc like,,,he never rlly raises his hand,,,but hes SUPER talkative before and after class,,,y arent u participating king,,

•now we r just gonna assume that steve isnt there bc if he was, soda wouldnt b looking like hes about to explode if he doesnt say one thing, i was joking but its like he has a cork in it fr

•sodas just in his seat touching anything and everything, and everytime something happens that he wants to talk about but he cant, he just looks around and gives someone the eyes

•when he gets home, the main ppl he talks to is steve, pony, and darry and its for different reasons☝🏽☝🏽

•pony, bc pony rlly encouraged him to go to school, so he just feels like he has to, steve, i dont think i gotta explain, theyre bffs, and darry, he didnt want to talk about it w darry bc darry couldnt go but darry told him to tell him about his time there bc hes happy for soda and is glad he went back!!!

•soda isnt even rlly IN a club or whatever, he more so jumps between who he goes to after school cause its pretty big, so ik he has a lot of things to say about the ppl he knows, hes kinda like darry in that aspect

•dont even get him started on if he sees an animal on campus, he’d follow it, keep updates about them for the rest of the school year, even gave em an unoffical name

•when he comes home to talk, its like he has a LIST of things hes specifically tries to remember to talk about, he commonly goes “wait did i tell u about _____”

•dont question sodapop patrick curtis on wtf is going on in his class, he dont even know whats goin on in his class🔥🔥🔥

[silly-little-soul]

SDV Highschool AU

A/N - in celebration of my graduation today!!

Very rushed and not formatted properly cause I’m at prom rn and writing this on my phone I’ll fix it later but like i wanted to post sth for the occassion

-

Summary: sdv highschool au, the ones under the +++ are x reader

Characters: Harvey, Shane, Elliot, Haley (cause theyre my favs to write for)

Warnings: drug mention

~~~~~~~~~~~

HARVEY

- Big nerd

- He’s planning to study medicine so of course he puts accordingly much effort

- Awkward as fuck icl

- Everyone lowkey loves him cause he’s always really helpful

- Aka almost the entire class just copies his homework

- Lives off coffee in every life and scenario

- (One of the) best in class and beloved by the teachers but not annoying about it

- If y’all wanna act like there wasn’t any homework in front of the teacher cause no one did it (except him ofc bcs NERD) he’ll totally play along

- Which is probably why the whole reason it worked

- Some ppl def have a crush on him

- But he’s just so awkward and oblivious… I love him

- Also not rlly into the kind of dating that’s most common among teens? Does that make sense??

+++

- So for you, let’s say you’ve been his friend since forever, best friends perhaps

- He’s had a crush on you so long but has like no idea how to go about it

- And you think he’s not interested cause he has friendzoned you so hard multiple times before

- It was a panic reaction don’t blame him

- I can picture you coming together at sone school dance and it’s like really cliche

- I’ll make these longer later I’m sorry

-

SHANE

- stoner

- Like sorry but

- Maybe it’s my Connor Murphy obsession or maybe I’m right

- I’m basing this v much on mentally ill Shane ik that backstory only semi much works with a highschool setting but we dont rlly know abt pre mental illness shane so

- Generally not bad at school he just has intense down phases where he completely falls behind (relatable)

- Works at some fast food chain and hates it but yk money is money

- No one ever shows up for parent teacher talks bcs he doesnt want the school to know about his family and his family about school yk

- Quiet most of the time

- Mean when talked to

+++

- But also like he doesn’t rlly mean it with some people you just gotta po ker if he does for you and talk to him

- Good news: you’re very much an exception

- Phew

- I’m thinking forced project or something

- No actually I’m thinking one of you is the others dealer

- Probs starting as a kinda fwb thing that becomes serious

- There’s sm potential here icl

- I’m gonna rewrite all of this next week and get more into it

-

ELLIOT

- The weirdest kid in the grade but beloved by all

- Writes a lot, probably started a club that’s related to that somehow

- Wins a lot of those lil writing competitions schools do

- A romantic, hands out flowers or something to people on Valentine’s

- Like super mysterious and no one can tell if he does it on purpose or if it just kinda is like that

- Def has some ppl crushing on him

- Has been ppls secret admirer before

- Except it’s not rlly secret bcs who else would do allat

+++

- So when he falls for you it’s like that too

- You get mysterious letters and flowers from an admirer

- Except it’s not mysterious bcs Elliot everyone knows no one else does that!!!

- You pretend not to realize a while tho cause it’s sweet

- And then after a but you just give him a secret admirer letter back

- Even if it’s not quite as poetic as his

- He appreciates it sm cause it’s so rare people match his energy

- You’re couple goals but also lowkey make ppl sick with all your sap

-

HALEY

- Pretty popular

- She’s very confident and can be a bit brash so you might get the idea she’s a typical mean girl but she’s actually pretty sweet

- Especially with the girls

- You might get a comment about your messy makeup but best believe she’s fixing it up for you

- Girl in trouble? She’s right there without hesitation

- Has told so many of the guys off before for harassing girls or not taking a hint

- She’s a guardian angle ngl

- A whole bunch of people having a crush on her and it’s getting kinda rough

- If the person is respectful she’s really nice in rejecting them (or at least tries), she was mean about it like once and felt so bad after

- She knows she comes off as pretty harsh and it’s not always intentional yk

+++

- You probably meet through extra activities i forgot the name

- She gets a crush p quickly but like y’all wait till you rlly know you work as a duo before you dare ask her out

- Like you wanna have sth behind your question and what you say yk

- Okay i gotta stop writing but !!!!!! will fix this up and write more next week

- Also send requests or fandom talk please and thank you

[ttr-loviz]

READER x Shinichiro!

Enemies to lovers

Forth piece

TW: some swearing and alcohol mentioned!

Just stupid fluff!!

Chp4.

The next morning, Shinichiro was waiting for her in front of the school. After a few moments later, he saw Y/n walking to school he walked up to her but just walked next to her without saying anything.

Y/n was minding her business, and then it was disturbed by the tall, dark stupid styled haired man walking right next to her, shoulder to shoulder.

Some minutes of walking, the atmosphere was silent and awkward. More than usual, it was odd for Y/n.

After a few minutes of this awkwardness, Y/n had enough of it.

"What the hell do you want now..?" She glared up at his deep black eyes before looking straight ahead.

"......" He didn't respond and just kept glancing at her. "Did something happen? I mean... to your parents or is something going on at home...?" He muttered under his breath. Y/n stops right in her tracks and quickly shot up at him with an annoyed look. "What do you mean?" She asked right after.

"Uhm... you know.. like you never go to school trips before and now your like-" Y/n cuts him off and stares right into his soul."So now I can't go to school trips anymore, huh?" She said angrily. Shinichiro backed up and put his hands inside his pocket, shrugging his shoulder "Well your not the type to go on trips... It's not like you could've anyway because of your parents."

Y/n hissed, "Dont bring up my parents into this shit, dont even mention them." She stricked up, making Shinichiro finch at her sudden tone.

"You dont have the right to say something about my parents after what you told the whole school back then!" Y/n poked at his chest. Shinichiro stumbled back a bit, before hs could say something back, she stomped off, leaving him behind speechless.

During class.

"Hey, Y/n bla..bla...bla....." H/n and Y/n were yapping with each other like every day. Ever since the argument they had that day, he didn't bother her till the school trip.

"Is everyone here? Did anyone didnt come or not? Go check if everyone is here." The teacher told the class president. "Okay!" She left off to take attendance of the students.

Shinichiro was standing their next to his friends. He looked around, trying to find if Y/n actually came or just lied to his face.

Suddenly, he got interpretated by 'pss pss look look' a smug grin on one of the guys while he opened his jacket up and revealed beers inside his pocket, announcing it with proud look. "OH- shit!" One gasped amazed before headlocking him "Thats the way to go, Takeo-" Shinichiro hushed em down as he saw y/n running toward the bus."i guess she was just late..." He muttered in his mouth with a slight smile. "Ew man, wtf is that look on your damn face.. you look even more uglier."

"Oh shut up! Look who's talking." Shinichiro rolled his eyes.

"Have you seen me?!" The short one said annoyed but with a slight grin.

The big tall one. "Put your damn bags down and get your asses moving. The bus is leaving."

Inside the bus.

The 4 bitches where fighting for the spot in the back of bus, Shinichiro was the last to go but the tall lanky one and the short one was holding up the line.

"Im sitting first you damn chain smocker!" one hissed out as they held each other by their shirt collar. "Im the first one, move it short beat!"

Then the tall bulky one stood right beside them "Move it! There are ppl trying to sit too yk?!" He shouted at them, while that was going on Shinichiro was dumb founded behind the tall bulky one "Huh? Whats going on!" Shinichiro tried to see what was the ruckus about.

After all this fuss they finally all sat in the back of the bus all cramped up together. (Because of Benkie duh)

Finally the other students could take their seats before the bus leaves.

'Psshhh...chachcko..!' The sound of a beer bottle can be heard inside the bus.

"Take that shit down before we all get suspended because of you...again." The big one warned the lanky one next to him who was opening the beer he brought.

"Its just one! Dont be such a cunt." The lanky one rolled his eyes before takes one sip. "Hey...! Didnt you see the teacher looking at us, give it!" Big guy reached to grab the bottle of beer from the lanky one.

"Nooo! I just opened it." When the lanky one leaned back his beer accidently spilled on shorty. "Oh-....." Both of em frozed right there ".....U-uhm um.. you alright?" Shinichiro said trying not to laugh at his face.

The short one stood up and wipes his face off with his hand before launching at the lanky one. "Whats with you today huh?! Weren't you satisfied enough are ya?.. well let me help you out!"

Suddenly chaos fell down on the bus.

The bulky one tried to pull away the short one from choking out the lanky guy while Shinichiro sat next to them trying to reason them to calm down.

"HEY! YOU PUNKS STOP ALL THAT RUCKUS DOWN OR I WILL TURN THIS BUS AROUND!" the teacher shouted at them.

"EVERYONE SPLIT UP AND SIT." She warned. Teacher tells them their new seats "and Shinichiro go switch with H/n during this ride."

"But miss!-..." He sighed, annoyed before switching with H/n and sitting down next to Y/n.

Shinichiro groaned and flopped down on the seat next to Y/n before turning to her "Sup" he nodded.

Tbc.....

(Forgor to upload :P Sorry!)

From: J&Y

Tags: @nixalozt

[zhvakinnn]

HIIII how are you?? I hope you are doing well and getting enough sleep and food to eat!!

I was wondering if you can do a Logan x black fem! reader? I just love my blonde nerdy boy, he needs some lovin' frfr

You could do anything you want with it, I don't personally mind at all, yk cuz ue the writer and all lmao, plus I don't like pressuring ppl either.

THANKKKK YOU AND HAVE A BLESSED DAY 🫶🤍

Yess logan needs more attention!

Warning's: racist (yuck)

✨as always i don't know much English so if something is wrong correct me✨

You were alone because your getting teased about being black

His alone because his getting teased about being nerdy

So when you two were group its kind of awkward you were both scared to talk to each other but then he find out your in the astrology club too you two suddenly became close

Just two outcast being together, when you visited his house you met his grandparents and thought they hate you but they were kind and caring

While walking with him after school Barron always pick up on you and logan yet he was the one who always gets hurt in the end

You want to confront them but Logan just shrugged it off and told you that there's nothing to worry about

Everytime you drop him in his house his grandparents always ask you why did he have a bruise again and you always find a way to lie about it and they somehow believe you?

But even all this things you two were never not attached to the hip even the teachers wants you two to be grouped because no one ever dared to talk to you or him so you were always a pair

Then all the sudden poof you both have now a new five friends

---------------------------------------------------

After everything that happened logan starting to change a bit you was a bit more serious he doesn't talk to much like before

"hey (name) fun fact if you sneez so hard you might break a rib cage?"

*new trauma unlock*

On more and more blah blah stuff that you like about him starting to fade away

You miss everything about him even though you dont though you don't understand most of them you still love him blabbering every small detail about those things

That's where you feel those feelings like you swallowed a whole pack of butterflys in you're stomach yet you kept overthinking what if this was all a bet and he didn't like talking to you

What if he won't like you back because you're black (I'm no racist don't attack me)

This things keep swerling in your mind

You also noticed in the realm his more tired i mean we're all tired but his different he was starting to avoid you like if you said hi he will smile at you then walk away

Even in the real world you wanted to walk with him but he denied you're offer and said he can walk himself

You wanted to confront him but you don't wanna sound clingy so you just let it go

But he really wasn't ignoring you he was only embarrassed of his feelings too but doesn't know how to say it

It was so awkward between you two that made your friends question what happened to the both of you

You two were attached to the hip then suddenly you and him suddenly became distance

They wanna fix what has been done because you two are cute together they even think that you and logan are a better couple but doesn't say it because you said so

But whenever they let you two sit in a room its getting more awkward and awkward causing it to just let you two out

Then they tie you up together causing you having tantrum because of how tight the rope is

They tried everything they can but ben said or wrote "its better if the two of them fix this than us fixing it" Ashlyn nodded

---------------------------------------------------

"aw where's you're little boyfriend now"

The woman speak she was one of those bastard that goes with Barron now what do they want..

"he's not my boyfriend you asshole"

You wanna punch her so bad but couldn't escape one slice of your throat and your dead

"what did you say to me?"

Then the door open revealing Barron and his minions, ngl they do look like a minion

"what do you want now" you frown at him and glaring

"remember that one time you literally beat the shit out of me in the arcade huh?!" The woman let go of you, and you stumbled to barron

"listen here N(word, I will not say it) my friend left me because of that boyfriend of yours"

"okay one since when did a friend do and follow you're orders because friend always helps each other not follow one because this world doesn't need a follow the leader for you and second i just told her Logan isn't mine" whenever you denied he's not your boyfriend you feel a heavy chest you wanna take back what you said

"you stupid bitch, you're gonna regret this" he smirked at you

You tried to fight but you were outnumbered you took down most of them but still couldn't

Now you were laying down near the dumpster crying that Logan was there to hug you but you just curled up taking the pain where they beat you up you cried silently

Then a hand touches you

"w..what the hell do you want now-" your words cut when you met a worried teary eyes there is the one you're looking for that face that you love, that you wouldn't get bored to stare at it

"who- what? Uh why are you just sitting here..and you're hair..." Yes you're hair was cut after you smack that womans face atleast she was a broken nose now

You stayed silent then cried Logan tried to calm you down by hugging to and you're head at his shoulder this is what you wanted. Even at this serious situation Logan couldn't help it his chest was beating so fast

"did you find?!...her" Taylor screamed then stop when thay saw you and logan

" i know you two need a moment but can i ask what happened to (name) hair?" Aiden said not breaking a smile

You still stayed silent "are you okay? Do you wanna tell us or maybe later or not" he cupped your cheeks making you dizzy you were so inlove with this nerd

"Barron.." once they heard his name they changed reaction mostly Logan "what did he do?" You can see aiden trying to calm down and angry bird i mean an angry Ben

You shake your head not wanting to say nothing more

Then logan came looking for him you tried to stop him but he got out of your grip you told your friends to stop him but they just stayed silent and took you to you're house. Tyler was piggy backing you because you felt numb and weak at the moment once you got there you asked them if Logan texted them

They shook their heads and waited Ashlyn texted Logan that you are in you're house

Not a minute later the door came busting open he was dirty but not that dirty

He looked angry and kind scary aura around him

When you walk up to Logan everybody knew it was time to leave you two alone

"don't worry that woman regret cutting your hair" he said while he hugged you and you can't help but smile even that little things he did can make your heart beat

Then now you were the one who was cupping his cheeks " thank you Logan" your face was so close to him causing you two to back away Logan scratch his nape and your scratching your arm

"hey.."

"um.."

You two said it at the same time

"you go first" you told him

"look i know we've been friends for not that long but long enough so I'm okay if you leave this friendship once i told you this"

You're eyes were widen your feelings starting to sink you don't wanna end this friendship nor do not wanna lose this feelings for him

You were caught when your lips and him were connected suddenly then pulled away only you taking the collar of his shirt kissing him again you pulled away when the door was open" hey you two okay there?... Sorry" aidne peek then close the door you look at logan and you both giggle

"are you sure you want me? I mean I'm not that you know those skin-"

"I don't care about your skin or anything else I just know that i love you and that won't change anything" you started to tear up again and hugged him

"Once the sun asked moon for a hug they call it an eclipse "

You giggled at Logan poetry again and told him it was cheezy

"it was not?! Here is one i remember and i promise it's not cheezy"

You giggled and told him to go one he cleared his throat

"so, i love you because the entire galaxy conspired to help me find you" -paulo coelho

"alright alright that's enough" you two were giggling little do you know they were listening to the both of you smiling

"told you, you can't fix between a two bird if you invade them" ben wrote

Okay maybe he is a good at poetry too

I LOVE LOGAN SO MUCHHH

Masterlist | about me | rules

[istherewifiinhell]

i kept fucking up so i watched these on 2 diff mornings and couldnt even schedule post them. UM OKAY more eps joelle told me to watch i already forgot what number they are

roasted this sad boy so hard now i will learn why he is so so sad

kouka… kagura family member?

INTRO. FREEZE FRAME. is that sugis guysssssssss is that sugi in a comaaa is that fucking banzai

oboro. THAT MAN. shouyouuuuuu

hair? man??? ALIENS.

THAT MAN

being a pirate is MORE important that ur family. got it boss

damn u shit head did u abandon ur sister in the rain the same way ur father ababanoned you. BREAK NO CYCLES!

karuga girl i think your family sucks maybe???

GIN KINDNESS. FUCKING. uhhh infailable asshole kindness social graces of this place is a shithole but so are we all.

SHINPACHI! ur in this show! and you can speak. thats crazy.

YES GIRL GET UR PTO

GUN ARMS????

SAKAMOOOOOOOTTTTOOOOOO :3

where IS SUGI. IM ALWAYS ASKING THIS.

GUN. most girl design ever to girl but GUN.

banzaiiii no u good bbg?

FUCK OFF OBORO

space ships……..

what happens to That Man some insects will never stop flapping their wings UNTIL THEY REACH HEAVEN (archieval footage: him getting his Ass Beat) i got my wing from THE SAME MAN (that man…), so i know.

yes girl yes time to be soooo normal right

u cant tell sugi shouyou isnt dead. thats. thats his whole idenity there. u know

oboro in this outfit/shot framing… why he kinda….

HEY LITTLE FAIL SON. HEY LITTLE SHITTO.

GJHFGJHG GIVING THIS LITTLE CHILD UR. IMMORTAL BLOOD. I HOPE U LIVE AND HATE ME FOREVER. well. thats gintama isnt it. BUT OKAY. hmmmm. take responisiblity for ur actions

hesssss sooooo little……

IM NO TEACHER… well. uh huh. sure ur not sensei.

nooooooooo nooo u did NOT adopt the dog u hit with ur car who then TURNED U INTO THE FUCKING. GUY. THE THE. GIN.TAMA TRAUMA LINCHPIN GUY. nooooooooo

^_^ mode ACTIVATED.

ROBOT ARM. HOT HOT HOT. OBORO U BEEN HOLDING OUT ON ME

i cant believe im tryna watch these flash backs during a sugi fight. GIRL.

EYE TRAUMA 4 EYE TRAUMA. GIRLS I LOVE U SO MUCH. NEVER BREAK THE CYCLEEEEEEEEEE

a school born under a pine tree, its just you and me. hmm mmh im sure no other white haired child will ever echo words like this back at you. surely not.

LOOK OBORO YOULL HAVE SOOOO MANY LITTLE SIBLINGS. IT WILL BE GREAT. YOULL LOVE IT

are u becoming a devious little killer to save his live. even tho he didnt ask…..

STABBED YOURSELF. TINY CHILD. ohhhh

appearently I HE THOUGHT I WAS DEAD. YEAH. YEAH OBORO. ANY THOUGHT WHY THAT MIGHT BE. MAYBE THE. YOU KILLED YOURSELF AND A BUNCH OF OTHER PPL IN FRONT OF HIM.

i cannot believe. i get how. in concept. okay child raised in. killing world. solves his problems with killing. BUT ITS SO FUNNY GIRL NO ONE ASKED U DO TO THAT. i love you. WHY DID U DO THAT.

okay. okay. okay okay. YOU. YOU DID ALL THAT. so he and his school and ur junior students. GET TO LIVE. "and even tho im not at his side im satisfied" or whatever you said. (sees him and and your junior students. living) NOW HOLD ON. I NEED TO RUIN THEIR LIVES. girl….

okay hang on. "one swore to never betray him again" shot of oboro. "the other swore to bring him back, even if it meant having to kill him again" shot sugi. OKAY BUT. REMIND MEEEEEE. who. WHOOOO killed him. and knew he was gonna come back. cause… I FEEL LIKE IT WASNT SUGI.

ahhhh there was intercuts there but the flashing was too much i guess will never know.

CAN U PASS ON MY LAST WORDS TO MY STUDENTS. WITHOUT YOU I NEVER WOULDVE GOTTEN TO MEET THEM. WITHOUT YOU I NEVER WOULDVE BECOME (SHOUYOU). THANK YOU. sensei has one move and its thanking his beloved eldest daughters for killing him.

ive seen with my own eyes. my junior student im so proud of. actually i cant even clown on you for this trying to kill your fellow students cause you love them so much its textbook in this family. okay. continue.

OH YEA IS SOMEONE GONNA SAY. what utsuro (that man) is

oh hey the theme that has the. one cb bepop reference. ive seen that frame. <- this ended one ep and began the next.

NEXT EP

recap. i heard this. thats how. THAT MAN. became. blah blah.

oh he was not always immortal? or no one knew

DEVIL. GINTOKI. yeah okay. COOL yeah yeah.

his fucking uhhhhhhh anthy swag.

THAT WHY HE GAVE BIRTH? if u say so.

why didnt he just leave the prison. is he stupid. etcetc

okay go on killing spree. sure. thats fair. who hasnt

the one that hated humans. feared humans. longed to be human.they were all me. we love a thesis statement thank you.

WOAH shouyou protagonist eyes moment.

COOOOOOOOL SHOT. UTSURO GIN OVERLAP. ahah. fun tool to help us later.

hey is this the same green guy or a different green guy. cool voice.

everyone wants to use the unkilliable killing machine to their ends. BUDDY they wont even let. (joke pending) buddy he wont even let... himself. use him. to his ends. hmm.

Knows how to make others immortal. SAD OBORO FACE.

(atlana lore) DAMN THATS CRAZY.

WHAT IN THE KINGDOM HEARTS Organization 13 is this room.

anyway utsuro lol. um. damn are u a well looked after and revered gun but not the one who pulls the trigger. sucks bro.

(bunch of shots of cool alien dudes)WOW THATS CRAZY

put him in the saw trap blood extrator. sexual stylez.

lmao he uh. took the hands from ALL OF THEM. and NO ONE NOTICED.

MORE COOLL ALIENS. qwantz comic. i get it now.

shoyou gives BIRTH i get it

i could fight for sensis. That man. or myself

IF U COULD HAVE DONE IT AGAIN. you would just say. HI DAD. IM ALIVE. can i COME HOME NOW. PLEASE???? yeah. you should have. [being a cunt but very moved by the editing of his speech to the. intercuts of the junior students yeah yeah. okay YEAH]

fucking. OF COURSE sugi is there to be like. wow u waisted ur life and died so beautifully im gonna cradle his body so elegantly etcetc.

oh u guys also gave birth. (to utsuro) congrats

zuraaaa just. taking in the extra. big trauma moments info gin is given like a champ. dude. WHAT IS UR persepctive on all this. man.

↳ BUD ARE U GETTING POSSESSED BY SHOUYOU TO SAY ALL THIS. well that would track. WHAT THE HELL. yeah. the becon of hope kill his teacher to say the students the ideals. win the trolley problem. GIN STOP SMILLING AT PPL WHEN THEY DIE (he cant its what he was put on this earth to do)

sakamoto: everyone gave birth to everyone. thank u m.preg expert

kaguraaaaa dad. what. DO U HAVE THE LORE DROP? are u the eight dragons penis fight guy.

ROBOT ARMS

hey sad little gay boy gura brother.

SPACEEEEE SHOT HI HI HI SO BEAUITUFL BEAUTIFUL SHIPS

[schrodingerssideblog]

Trying to figure out if you had conduct disorder as a kid is so wild cause you start to think about all the wild shit you did as a kid in response to such a horribly chronically traumatized brain. Let’s go through a little list the stuff I did as a kid-

•Very physically reactive towards others my own age (this includes initiating physical altercations over simple insults or criticisms, verbal confrontation)

•frequent outbursts of anger

•I was also very dark minded (when angry outbursts or physical violence was not an option, I found myself fantasizing about inflicting acts of gratuitous violence upon as well as publicly humiliating whoever was hurting or upsetting me in the moment. These were not intrusive thoughts. They made me feel better. I delighted in them. I would even draw pictures about it sometimes)

•one time in middle school I was looking at my phone and the teacher took it so in order to get it back I lied and told my mom that she saw it sticking out of my pocket and grabbed it out of there. My mom lost her shit in the office and got my phone back without even having to pay the $15. This was perfect because it meant my dad and stepmom who I lived with didn’t have to find out. I saw this as a massive win and success. It invigorated me)

• whenever I saw a bug in the house, sometimes I would kill it immediately, but other times I would stick a small glass over it and then leave it there and imagine it slowly suffocating

• I began smoking pot, drinking, and smoking cigarettes only 2 months after turning 13. I would also lie about my whereabouts daily in order to do these things at this age

•after being busted for the aforementioned I completely shut off all emotions. They were already slowly dying within me before that point. After this though, I smothered them. They were gone. I did not cry in response to tragedy in the family. In the face of conflict with my parents in the future I showed no emotion, no remorse, no guilt, because I did not feel any. This clearly made it worse. The only expression of emotion I had was anger and sadness. And always in secret where nobody could see that I was affected in any way. But this was because I didn’t want to deal with the consequences of my actions. In my mind I did not deserve punishment, especially the harsh and cruel punishment they always meted out

•I also began self harming at 14, although I had burned myself once at 13, it didn’t really get bad until 14. Interestingly, this was not due to depression. I did not feel depressed. I did not feel anything. I mostly just did it because it was entertaining, it became routine, just a part of my day. It meant nothing to me. When I got caught doing that, my family was clearly very hurt. I did not give a single solitary fuck and I continued to do it because they couldn’t really stop me. It was something that I could have that was mine, something I could always do, something that couldn’t be taken away from me. My eating disorder persisted for so long for this exact same reason. Everyone was scared and I loved that it was hurting the people who turned me into the little monster that I was in the first place

• I also used to walk to and from school and would purposefully cross the street at the most dangerous times possible and almost get hit by cars just to piss off drivers/make them honk their horns. I would giggle to myself when ppl honked in horror at me

•once this boy I was dating in high school cheated on me and I accidentally got him in huge fucking trouble without meaning to. I won’t go into details. But I did not feel bad. I thought it was hilarious. I bragged about it to my friend. She was stunned into silence

• I was also a massive little thief. Stealing money from family, stealing small items whenever I could just because I could/wanted something. It got to the point that I could not enter a store and walk out without stealing at least one thing. Massive klepto behavior

•one time I walked into the back yard and my dog was actively in the process of killing a bird. I just stood there and watched as she shook it back and forth in her mouth. I felt nothing

• I’m sure there is more that I am forgetting here

But noooooooo, ✨I have no idea whether or not I had conduct disorder✨

Disclaimer: Obviously as an adult I no longer engage in such behavior and activities. I’m aware that these things were wrong and I do not in any way condone this behavior. I’m lucky to be alive. These days I mainly just rot on the couch. I still have very muted emotions as well as chronic boredom and anhedonia. I struggle to stay in one place of work for long, although this also has to do with financial issues, chronic physical pain, and sensory issues. I also have very low empathy, and really only love/care about a handful of people. I also have a very logical approach to right and wrong. Very pros and cons analysis based. Mostly I don’t want to deal with the potential consequences of reckless/illegal behavior. It’s just a pain in the ass. Also I don’t want to hurt people these days, like I used to. Idk if I have aspd now as an adult. I am not diagnosed and may or may not pursue one as I likely would not receive one due to my lack of a criminal record (keep in mind that a lot of these things that I did I actually did get away with. I was actually statistically pretty good at not getting caught lol)

[roseamongroses]

a/n: riri!academic headcanons (u can see this as comic or mcu tbh)riri who's a super genius + rlly capable streetwise, but is a mess in a formal classroom enviroment. (undiagnosed riri williams)

riri who spends entire classes working on unrelated projects + hw from other classes. riri who forgets assignments and doesn't care to ask in the moment then has to do a walk of shame to the teacher/professors desk during office hours cause she remembers she can't fuck around she's on scholarship

0

riri who was a lil obnoxious and rubbed ppl the wrong way in class discussions. riri who constantly gets told in her report cards that she's too loud, too inattentive, too disruptive so she eventually stops participating. then she's too quiet, teachers egg her on to not waste her talents but she doesn't care anymore.

o

riri who gets dropped off super early and picked up late bc her mom works long hours but can't bear to leave riri home alone after her sister leaves for college

o

riri who gets super frustrated during timed exams bc she always gets spends too much time on one question and ends up not finishing the rest on time

0

riri who's embarrassed to ask for help w/ school bc she's been told her whole life that she's a genius so she thinks she's not trying hard enough.

o

riri who sometimes has to spend class in the nurse's office. her heart is racing, she can't breathe correctly, the feeling of her skin makes her nausuous, the lights are too bright, everyone is too noisy, and she can't stop thinking. riri can't stand it all. she refuses to call her mom to get picked up, but her mom always seems to know when her days at school are bad.

0

riri is sent to psychologist but gets stuck in a cycle of being told she's intelligent and just bored. riri who who has to fight tooth and nail to keep her grades up bc she swings wildly between Fs and As.

o

riri who finally gets accommodations, but is still never treated her age. always expected to be more mature, to preform adulthood and prove that she's worth being in prestigious environments. she learns to ignore the disappointed stares when she informs each school when she can't preform--that she needs an extension--that she can't just overcome and pull herself up on her own.

0

riri who finds peace in learning outside the classroom. who finds a way to build even if they never understand her plans or ambitious.

o

[kendrixtermina]

Misleading Claims about Gaza I’ve seen flying around

So I want to speak to a set of claims I’ve seen flying around that, while not 100% lies, get presented in a hugely misleading way.

I, a rando with an internet connection, was able to find with a simple google & wikipedia search that they were severely taken out of context.

1. They threw a gay person off a roof

Never happened.

This is a clear echo off of roof-related execution done by ISIS meaning to conflate the orgs in the mind of an uneducated westerner who doesn’t know how ME political groups are different.

There was indeed one (1) case of a person being accused of being gay & then executed (not by being thrown off a roof) – but that was among a long list of other crimes, & their relatives say it’s a pretext/slander to cover internal hamas power struggle.

Not great, part of a larger tendency to be repressive toward some rival factions, but hardly „systematic persecution and executions of gays“.

While it’s not exactly Amsterdam, there is no systematic or legally encoded persecution. There are cases of ppl being shunned or kicked out by their family, but you can say the same about, say, Alabama.

I’ve come across various posts by LBTQ people who travelled there and were not especially harassed. One even wore a flag pin.

A common thing you hear is that ppl are too busy just surviving & ending their more general oppression to worry too much about stuff like holding a pride march.

2. It’s forbidden to teach the holocaust in Gaza

This should have you very suspicious if you’re aware how little control Palestinians actually have over their education system and how they’re often handed textbooks with pro-zionist curriculums that present the Nakba as good (!) - to the point that arab students in mixed town hear their teachers call them the „enemy“ & younger palestinian educators often have not heard of famous palestinian writers & poets.

Indeed the claim probably goes back to a single dispute about a single UN course on human rights where Hamas officials expressed concerns about a curriculum that might include the holocaust for fear of indoctrination & zionist propaganda.

(Not an unreasonable fear, if you’re aware of the racist textbooks issue.)

During the discourse, there was an individual Hamas official who made some statement to the effect that the holocaust was probably just another lie made up by the Zionist to justify taking their country.

The man hasn’t been in power for years, btw (a good thing, seeing as he seems ignorant & incendiary) – genuine L for that guy & Hamas for hiring him. Not defending him at all, that guy is an idiot. But its NOT a comprehensive ban on the subject at all (indeed many Palestinians you see online seem quite well-informed)

But note how the claim is often presented in a way to evoke western neo-nazis who have long been motivated to explain away the biggest argument as to why their ideology is a bad idea.

Can you really compare these situations, though?

Make no mistake: The holocaust defo happened.

But why do I know this? Because I’ve read books by survivors as well as accounts of US & russian soldiers who found the mess. I’ve been to Dachau on a school trip & the walls of the gas chambers still had nail marks on them. I’ve been to that house in prague where all the walls are covered in victim’s names. My grandmother saw the infamous auschwitz human skin lamp with her own eyeballs. Heck, her father in law narrowly survived by jumping out of one of those death trains.

Now, does an older arab guy in a besieged, impoverished enclave have access to that proof? It’s not like he can travel to europe & go to a museum.

Also, as someone who went to an european school, I remember being told precious little about the middle east and some of it was stereotypic bullshit. So why would an arab guy living under a much worse-funded education system know much more about european history?

He’s used to the zionists spouting 2+2 = 5 lies, propaganda & spin all the time, so if he doesn’t know a lot about europe, he might jump to the conclusion that this thing they use to justify the conquest of his home is probably a lie as well.

Quite different from an european neo nazi denying mountains of proof out of wounded pride. (or because he actually thinks it was nbd but can’t say so publicly)

It’s kinda like the way radfems refuse to believe that men aren’t making up all their problems...

Again, it’s an L for that hamas guy, kids have nothing to fear from learning accurate facts about foreign countries, I'll always be against censorship & pro free information.

But one (1) idiot politician saying something offensive does NOT equal the subject being explicitly banned from discussion in all gazan schools.

The claim also leaves out the context that since Hamas also provides schooling & welfare there’s a bit of a rivalry/power struggle between it & the aid orgs (golly gee, I wonder why a population utterly abandoned by the international community would distrust foreigners...)

Something that was very telling about the post is „liberate gaza so they can finally learn about the holocaust!“ like its this all-important thing - I mean, it IS very important… if you’re european or jewish, cause in that case it massively impacted your civilization and your own family history. But it wasn’t the only mass murder nor the worst by method (rwanda) or number (stalinist purges) & doesn’t have this magic objective value, europe isn’t the navel of the earth & the ppl aren’t wrong not to want eurocentrism shoved down their throats.

I do think everyone should be taught about the evils of discrimination but probably a more natural place to start might be the armenian genocide, since Palestine used to be Ottoman. Or examples of discrimination in the arab world (including against jews)

I mean in that instance the guy was most likely being paranoid & advancing some power strugle agenda, & I’d say he was in the wrong, but the touchiness & concern about indoctrination has a reason & one instance of complaining about one course does NOT equal a general ban on the subject in schools. (many of which, are, after all, run by international orgs)

Frankly, a people living in a walled ghetto probably already know more about the evils of discrimination than anyone who doesn’t.

Also, it’s very ironic for Israel to go accusing others of denying atrocities when even mentioning the Nakba can cost you your academic career.

There’s no Israeli teens going to Nakba Museum and indeed school books portraying it as good that are forced on the arabs as well.

Imagine if a Romani, Jewish or Polish person in modern day Germany were forced to look upon textbooks full of common Nazi apologia like „Hitler built the Motorways“, „But Dresden!“ and „We only lost WWI cause the socialists backstabbed us!“ (For the record, all of those are all bullshit.)

3. When Israeli settlers pulled out of Gaza, the first thing they did is raze the synagogues

Again, this is deliberately phrased to remind westerners or diasporic jews of neo-nazis throwing molotovs and the like (if only our governments did as much against those as they’re presently doing to slander anti-war protesters… ), to trigger immediate sympathy for Israel & portray gazans as a bunch of vandalizing hatecrimers.

As the previous claims, this is „very loosely based on a true story“ as in it technically did happen but there’s a lot of context missing, such as:

Israel demolished TONS of Mosques & Christian Churches during the Nakba, or worse, turned them into warehouses bars & factories.

Settlers did horrific violence to ppl in Gaza. In one example, a house was burned with a toddler still inside. Settlers mocked & harassed the kid’s grandfather

When they pulled out, they destroyed the entire settlement, infrastructure & farming equipment so the locals couldn’t use it

They even considered destroying the synagogues themselves but then left them as the only buildings standing & tried to have them declared unesco heritage (possibly a ploy to maintain a presence in the strip after all or leave a backdoor to return, creating a strategic incentive to destroy them so the settlers wouldn’t have an excuse to come back)

We are talking about blocky cement structures a new as the settlements, NOT historic buildings (unlike the destroyed Mosques & Churches)

religious symbols & cultic objects were removed when the settlers left. Obviously. Why would they possibly leave it?

So what do we have left?

Some people vented their rage at empty concrete buildings that had no religious items in them, had no history and were never going to be used again. - which they were somewhat justified as seeing as symbols of domination leaving their mark on „their“ home, like a cat’s territorial piss markings, so it might as well be interpreted as an act of defiance against colonial power.

Still technically vandalism against a religious building, not very diplomatic, do not recommend etc.

but at the same time rather different from the idea suggested by „the first thing they did is raze the synagogues“… for once thing, there was nothing else left to raze cause the Israelis already did it themselves, it was retaliation for Palestinian sacral buildings being trashed & a response to finding out that israelis would destroy good farm tools rather than let them have it, and it was an interchangeable concrete block empty of actual synagogue stuff. - whereas without the context you are probably imaging hooligans singling out the synagogues out of useful, intact buildings, a unique historic building being thrashed or the cultic objects & holy books being broken & desacrated, similar to historic cases of nazi arson or russian pogroms. That just didn't happen.

The double standard, too, is very telling: This act of vandalism means gazans are evil hatecrimers out to get all the jews & means they can't be negotiated or made peace with, but Israelis’ much more widespread & systematic destruction of churches & mosques is assigned no such interpretation. Golly gee I wonder why.

Again, the point here is NOT to portray local government as perfect & flawless (what government is?) or to say that none of this stuff was bad. But sporadic events are being inflated into nonexistent systemic patterns, as well as misrepresented to appeal to very particular tropes & cliches to blatantly manipulate ya'lls emotional reactions.

[genderqueerdykes]

Same anon as genderpunks/718697907650461696/ (why did Tumblr remove the ability for anons to use links in asks, it sucks), and actually yeah people here (and every social media frankly) are just weird about lighter skinned / "white passing" mixed people in general huh? Like, I've straight up seen people say that "if you're white passing, you shouldn't claim to be a person of colour"... and man it's really not as simple as they act

Sure, my skin is certainly quite a bit lighter than my late nan and some other family members, but that doesn't magically make me immune to racism. A white supremacist is still able to easily figure out I'm not white because of my facial features and incredibly curly hair, nevermind the fact my skin is still not as light as a large percentage of white people. And I'm not just talking outta my ass here, I've had far too many incredibly bad and/or suspicious experiences for it to just be a one-off or coincidence (hell, I went to a small primary school where basically everyone else was white, and the teachers would just... target me for everything and I was under the "troublesome" pupil program almost all my time there)

IDK, people need to take a step back and 1) stop acting like light skinned people and people who are otherwise disconnected from their racial heritage are magically immune to oppression, and 2) realise that people of colour have existed in Europe for centuries, and that we're victims of horrific shit happening and erasure. Europe isn't "just white people", that's just what the white supremacists who have tried to get rid of us want you to think

i literally couldn't have said it better, myself, u are so right on the money!

what ppl can't seem to grasp is y'all can only see glimpses of what's happening in the present. but when i was a kid, the white side of my family kept telling me i needed to get chemical hair straightening, because my hair was "ugly" and "needed to be fixed". my mom told me nonstop, up and down that it was "wrong". stylists still to this day ask me if i want my hair to be thinned, because i "must be so miserable with all that hair on my head".

my mom would spend hours telling me how "ugly" she found my dad and grandma's deep set eyes, hooded brows, dark eye circles, dark eyes, thick curly hair, and deep olive skin were. she would tell me how ugly these things were on me, but then tell me she was glad at least i turned out looking mostly like her.

i have been treated like shit since i was a kid for having a big nose, because "girls can't have big noses" and "my nose was too masculine for my face" and that my nose is "ugly" and "unsightly." i've been told up and down my entire life that i was "too ugly to be a girl" and just in general "ugly as hell" for, again, my deep-set eyes, hooded brow, dark eye circles, and whatever other features are not white enough for people.

thank you so much. like you said, just because we're light skinned doesn't magically make us immune to racism.

thank u for sending this. i am sorry you have been targeted for literally no reason other than your race by your fucking school... i hope things get a bit better for you here on out. i hope u have an amazing week, take care

[nappingpaperclip]

idk it rlly gets to me sometimes to be told that I like don’t get it/don’t care about trans youth or whatever whenever I am vocally critical of democrat politicians cause. idk I AM trans youth, I struggle a lot and get treated like shit a lot for it, by politicians and people who should care about me and idk, have y’all ever been kicked out as a teenager and had to call the only adults who support you to come pick you up as a lonely suicidal trans kid? have you ever had to walk home from pride cause you can’t call your parents? ever been outed to your parents against your will and without your knowledge? cause I have and it rlly sucks. having my own experiences and rights used against me, as a token to silence me and others is rlly frustrating and upsetting. It was so lonely being a trans teenager and I spent a lot of time trying to connect with other lgbt+ people but especially younger trans people at my high school (lowerclassmen at the time) when I was a teenager cause I knew how lonely it was growing up with no one to see you for who you are.

People talk down on me for speaking out against politicians who have done nothing to secure my safety or rights, my right to exist because it is “too controversial,” ever since I was a child, and things are somehow even worse now… like I don’t live in the south, like I don’t see the obituaries of murdered trans people on my social media every day, like I don’t see tv ads from local politicians insulting eachother via support for people like me aka “letting men in girls bathrooms” and like I don’t have to see signs around local places bathrooms that say transphobic stuff. like I somehow don’t get it even though *I* don’t feel safe or comfortable no matter which bathroom I’m in, like I don’t have evangelical conservative “”redneck”” family members who would pop a blood vessel in their face if they saw what I look like now, like I don’t get called slurs by strangers or experience crazy micro aggressions in public & at work, like I didn’t have the experiences of being one of the literal handful of openly queer people in my southern public school.

Do you guys even know what it’s like for trans people in the south?? do you know how often trans kids get assaulted in bathrooms at school? it’s so fucking scary to hear from my friends from Florida, to hear them talk about how their friends got assaulted in their high school bathrooms, to hear about the crazy shit their teachers and classmates and politicians said….

idk. y’all don’t know me. You don’t know my story, you don’t know how hard I’ve fought just to be here. I don’t rlly have a point, I just wish people would stop saying stuff like that in my replies. I can take getting screamed at and flipped off irl but this type of stuff is worse and for some reason it rlly gets to me.

I know it’s the internet and ppl are going to be cruel but sometimes it makes me feel very isolated from my community and it drives me crazy because like, damn what about me? Am I not the trans youth too?? am I not included in that, are my opinions thoughts and experiences not important just cause I’m loud abt my opinions in a way u disagree with…??