#probably due to the fact my last bf was

[no-vamos]

Heyo welcome back to novas endless pining. We’re about 5 weeks into school and a new crush has emerged(!!!!) unfortunately said crush is in the year beneath me despite being older than one of my friends in my grade. How M is in my grade despite being born in late September is so funny to me. Current crush CB is four months younger than me.

I think what’s weird about this crush is that it’s mostly induced by myself but most of it is just genuine curiosity about him. I feel like I know very little about him and I find it hard to read him. He’s super analytical and very careful about what he says, not necessarily in a kind way but more in a… self preservation way? I can’t tell if that’s a turnoff or not bc so far one of the things that’s really attractive about him to me is his arrogance. Ikik that sounds so strange but it’s honestly kinda attractive. I like a man who knows his worth.

So, he’s in my youth group, which is how I mainly interact with him. I’m currently really desperate to get to know him bc I wanna know what makes him tic. All last year he would just sit in the corner of the myf room and observe, but he would mainly stare at me. Or, I think he would. It’s hard to monitor where someone is looking when they mostly look at you, if that makes sense.

Anyways we had church retreat this past weekend and oh boy did I take the opportunity to try to corner this boy. Unfortunately he didn’t come until Saturday afternoon/night bc he had a cross country meet which made me super antsy. Anywyas when he did get there, he mostly hung out with S and I like normal, but somehow and I don’t actually remember how, I managed to get S and CB to come with me to go get my stuff from where I had been staying the night before. I mostly pestered S on the way there bc technically I’m closer with S than CB but on the way back I made CB hold my pillow and he didn’t complain??? He could’ve said no. In fact they didn’t have to come with me at all. Prior I had said like “bye” as they walked away bc I was waiting for another friend to get her stuff and S and CB just came back and I offered if they’d like to come with me to get my stuff and CB was like “sure” which is basically yes in his terms.

THEN I kinda hung out with their trio and eventually played this game with CB and some other MYF kids and I kinda purposely plonked myself next to him bc duh I wanna be closer to him but I had the excuse of my brother being right next to him so it was fine. Then omg this was fun I kinda pestered him the whole game about not trusting me and seeing him like smirk and try not to smile at me was just akajfbsjoaid. At some point I was pestering him about… something I don’t exactly remember and he was like “well I’m trying to formulate my thoughts so people don’t make decision based on them” or something like that and idk that was kinda hot bc I was pestering him about how the later it got the more he talked (but I was trying to make it out to be that he was talkative bc he was lying about not being it bc I knew who was it bc *i* was it lol)

Then in the morning we made “awkward” eye contact bc I had been up at ass o’clock in the morning and he had been woken up by my cousin kicking him in the head. Either way it was funny I made fun of him later about it. And then prior to lunch, our group was working on a puzzle and I was making small talk and also pestering him again and our youth pastor came up and this like sent butterflies into my stomach bc CB and I are going back and forth and our youth pastor goes “ha! Look at the way he’s trying not to smile” or something along the lines of “ha you’re trying so hard not to smile” and like ????? He was talking to me so he was trying not to show that he liked talking to me???? Was that it??? Idk but the butterflies man

Then when we were actually standing in line for lunch we’re talking about school and stuff and I’m explaining why I don’t like classes with this particular teacher that he really likes and stuff and he goes “well most people who don’t like his classes don’t like doing the work” and I’m like “ouch that makes me sound like a bad person” and he goes “well youre an exception” and of course I want to believe that he said that bc he genuinely thinks I’m smart and not bc i showed disappointment at being perceived like that by him.

also fun times, he sit across from me in choir, like directly across, bc for some reason the basses and sopranos face each other, and i was half poking fun at him always staring at me, and he got all like half defensive about how "theres no where else to look" which i mentally called bullshit bc im not always staring at him, but i like making funny faces at him across the room.

honestly i can talk so much about him but idk if id want to date him. another reason i like him so much is bc hed be both religious and financial security for me. were both mennonite and hes planning on becoming an architect, which all in all is a pretty well paying career. so thats attractive as well. physically, not to intentionally size shame, hes a bit more of the skinner side, but hes also 17 and a runner. im not necessarily skinny and ive learnt having so's that make being skinny a big thing about themselves makes me super insecure. hes definitely still growing into himself, but i do think hes more attractive than last year imo. part of me would like to go to banquet with him but i think id still want to go alone. idk where hes planning on going for college but im aiming for out of state so that puts me at distance.

anyways just wanted to debrief some crush thoughts

[malfunctioningspray]

When You Are Sick pt.1

(Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Satan)

Just wanted to write some fluff for each of the brothers. hope you enjoy!

Trigger Warning: mention of puking, fainting, overworking, etc

If any triggers have not been listed but are found, please let me know so I can correct the warning. I apologize for the inconvenience beforehand.

----------------------------------

Lucifer

Despite his usual awareness of his surrounding, due to the fact he throws themself at work, he would be one of the last of the brothers to realize you were sick.

it wasn't only until he left his study to check up on you that he noticed how paled you looked.

immediately puts you to bed if you are wondering the house

will order one of his brothers to make some soup to make you feel better, not wanting to leave your side.

whispers words of love to you

will refrain of giving you kisses to avoid getting sick himself (man still had a shit ton of work to do)

Lucifer instead, kisses his pointer and middle finger and place it over your lips after you drift off to sleep.

"It's okay my love, I'll take care of you..."

Mammon

With how cling he his, Mammon noticed immediately when you started feeling bad.

it started off slow, coughing, sniffling

would get concerned really quick, and you are not even that sick yet.

usually, due to his concern, you wouldn't even get too bad. instead getting better instantly and going about your week

but sometimes not even a loving bf demon's care can combat the unique illness you can get in the demon realm

when you do get really sick, mammon wouldn't care about his own health, sticking to you and giving you many kisses

unlike Lucifer, mammon would feel the need to take care of you personally, rejecting any help from his brothers.

though he wouldn't like to, he would leave your side for small amounts of time to prepare you soup and medicine

and by soup, I mean he'll just reheat canned soup

"What would you do without the Great Mammon? Don't worry, I got you"

Leviathan

let's be honest, this man is probably the one who gets sick the most among his brothers.

he becomes kind of like a grandma, where he'll pull out weird home remedies that strangely does work wonders

he doesn't bat an eye when it comes to your puking or snot. Will stand there and hold your hair back (if you have long hair) or will help clean up if you couldn't make it to the toilet.

and this isn't to say he isn't panicking; no man is stressing.

whenever he does try to help, he does run the chance of dropping bowls of soup or being too loud and disturbing your sleep.

if he was sick before you, he'll blame himself, refusing to go into your room in fear that he'll make you feel even worse.

though if you were sick and then he got sick, he's moving you into his room

constantly attached to you, sharing food, the both of you are under the covers nice and warm and playing games day and night.

he won't admit it, since it sounds so bad out loud, but he loves being sick with you

"it'll pass over soon mc, I'll stay by your side."

Satan

I feel Satan would be the kind to romanticize being sick

bringing you flowers, rubbing your feet, reading you books as you drift to sleep

when he takes care of you, he's the only one to take care of you

can't handle the stress and anger he gets from his brothers meddling

he looks up different recipes that'll help you feel better, especially if you're from a different culture, he'll find that's culture equivalent to chicken noodle soup.

he wouldn't feel the need to stay by your side like some of his brothers, but he does make the same effort to check up on you

he mostly appears when you are asleep, not to be creepy, but to ensure you are surviving through the night

out of his brothers, I feel he worries too much about you since you are human, he reads so much about humans that he'll end up the rabbit hole

with the stories he's read, he has the idea that sleeping while sick is the deadliest thing for a human to do since they can just pass in their sleep

He'll definitely drag you to the doctors if you don't get better within a day, thinking its smallpox or Ebola

"How about a story to help drift off to sleep?"

[sh0tanzz]

ACKK, do more members as bfs with astrology for riize pls !!!

glad I got this asks bc I can now gloat about my man 😛

sungchan as your boyfriend based on astrology !

(reminder that this for fun and astrology is something I study for a hobby, these are all inferences based off of observations and not exact fact unless I knew him myself !!)

warnings: small mention of sexual innuendo but nothing extremely graphic I'll only do NSFW asks if requested.

I am so in love with his chart.

Virgo Sun: A common trait I see in Virgo suns/risings is that they truly want to be the best optimal versions of themself. They are always finding ways to improve themselves or look/be their best whether its physically or mentally. (This may explain why many virgo sun/rising male idols are into working out, health or self help books. Sungchans interested in all 3 btw😭) But these traits would probably amp up when he's with you, he wouldn't want to slack when it came to his looks or personhood when with you especially since he has so many placements hinting at wanting to seem his best for you. Would want nothing more but to feel appreciated and valued and would give the same to you. He'd help you with relatively anything even if he didn't know much about the task or topic. He'd also ask you a lot of questions (not as much as a virgo mercury would but..) he'd be very interested in quite literally anything you had going on and would try to relate and insert himself in the things you speak about due to his venus.

Cancer Moon: Cancer is at home when it's in the moon so most people with this placement can be very emotional. He'd have to become close to you before fully pursuing anything. He would care about your opinions and validate your feelings. He'd showcase his domestic chore abilities so you'd view him as reliable. Downside is cancer moons have a hard time letting go of hurts so if you accidentally made him feel a type of way he may have a hard time fully letting go. Pretty sensitive to criticism. Would like comfort activities, a bath, a night swim at the beach, watching nostalgic movies, comfort food. I feel like he tries to be all macho and masc when really his emotional subconscious says otherwise 😭

Libra Mercury: Sungchan is his name and flirting is his game. He quite LITERALLY would know what to say to make you giggle and kick your feet. Would probably send goodmorning/night text (With his Leo Venus and Cancer Moon please send one back). Honestly his Virgo sun paired with this Libra mercury makes me feel like he'd gossip like crazyyyy with you. However his Sun and Mercury paired makes me feel like he'd overthink and be indecisive and have to confide in you about his thoughts. Would be good at calming you down and helping you level out your thoughts when you're upset or in a tense situation.

Leo Venus: With his Venus in Leo he'd most definitely brag about you. Even if the relationship had to be kept under wraps he'd soft launch or hint at your existence to others whether it's through wearing something -you- bought him publicly or if staff asked about his week he'd say "I spent time with a REALL GOOD friend of mine". With his virgo sun paired with his leo venus he'd absolutely need praise, it wouldn't just be a want it'd be a NEED for him to hear you compliment+praise him especially on his talents. Honestly the proudness from his venus, the provider energy from his mars..his chart overall points to him just wanting to please/spoil you whilst also getting praise, recognition and attention in return. He'd surprise you with gifts that aren't typical regular gifts they'd hold some heavy value to them (Like an expensive piece of jewelry or the last pair of a specific shoe you wanted that was on sale). The only downsides I see is that he may nag if he feels like you're not taking care of yourself or your business since his Venus makes him see you as an extension of himself and his Virgo sun and Capricorn mars relatively wanting structure and perfection for both you and him. All in all GIVE HIM ATTENTIONNNNNN.

Capricorn Mars: Whew tbh this placement is hot i'm sorry (It's the cap stellium in me.) BUT ANYWAY ! Before the relationship even began once he realized he liked you he had to make his way to you, even if it was a process he HAD to make his way to you. He'd observe you, see if you two seem compatible and once he sees a chance he'd surely make his way to the kill. I feel like this mars paired with his venus shows that he would NOT play about you. He'd quite literally want nobody else to even consider the thought that you could ever give them the attention or time you give him. Would want to be a "provider" in some sense even if you can take care of yourself. Capricorn rules the skeletal structure so he'd compliment and be super into your body's silhouette/shape, it also rules the teeth + skin (bitemarks, harsh hickies), and the knees + joints...let me not continue.

Other Aspects:

Moon/Sun Sextile: Very easygoing since his inner emotions and expression is balanced and in alignment with his ego and outer expression, however it may sometimes lead to him being a little too comfortable at times because confrontation is sometimes needed and he may avoid it (his cap mars may aid with that however)

Moon/Mercury Square: He may have a constant battle between being logical and letting his moods affect his choices and will look to you for help when his mind feels like it's constantly see-sawing, however he might pretend to be stoic before asking you for help :(

[miumura]

💭 — JAKE AS YOUR BOYFRIEND !

leaving my boyfie for last ^^ just me being accurate hopefully or it’s just what my delulu self thinks what he does 😊

warnings : none?

— follows you everywhere. if you’re there, he’s right next to you always. the others are never surprised when jake is missing, cause when he is, he’s mainly with you.

— loves watching and capturing moments of you with layla. he just finds it so cute that you love his dog as much as you do. even if you two are apart and you may be facetiming jake, he can still feel the love across the screen when you squeal over layla. layla approves of you

— just a curious partner </3 like if you go on you’re phone, he would try to see what you’re doing just because he’s curious!!! like imagine him just resting his head against your shoulder js bc he wants to know what you’re laughing at.. jake ill show u my phone anyday

— i feel like if you were on his lap, he’d be the type to wrap both arms around your waist and rest his head on your shoulder, watching what you’re doing.

— the type to play soccer or basketball and look at you saying “this one is for you” BUT MISSES IT 😭 . so he awkwardly walks away / picks up the ball or just defend himself heavily LIKE DAMN ITS OKAY TO MISS literally mark core

— really touchy. like idk, he just wants to be able to hold you whenever he sees you. even if you just give him your hand, he’s pleased with it even if he wants more

— uses pick up lines he thinks is soooo good and you just have to lie and pretend they r good…sometimes they hit tho

— “that was good, where did you get that pickup line from?” “come on are you serious…..heeseung.” “he’s got rizz.” “ARE YOU SAYING I DONT—”

— pretty shy bf. like sure he’s touchy n all, but any compliments that come out of ur mouth, he’s already rolling around giggling…ME CORE!!!!

— the type to tickle you when you like prank him. just hear me out on it he seems like that guy AND will only stop when he hears a bunch of apologies.

— will laugh at ANYTHING. one tiny thing you do and he’s already clutching onto his stomach for help….boy he’s odd. dw me too we r meant to be

— probably only looks forward to the mornings cause he’d probably make you kiss all over his face so he could wake up…if you’re both heavy sleepers…this won’t be apart of yalls routine just saying…

— the type to steal your blanket in the morning/night for the fun of it 😓 like jake that’s only gonna make you sleep on the couch if you don’t stop playing 😂😂😂

— gets DEFENSIVE when arguing jokingly. LIKE U CAN IMAGINE HIM BEING THESE EMOJIS ☝️🤓 . “um actually that’s wrong cause due to these facts ☝️🤓” NOBODY CARE ABT YOUR MATH FACTS SIT DOWN .

— doesn’t seem like the type to get that angry w/ you? like he’d jokingly be mad but that’s all and yk he’s not serious about it. even if he was mad, he’d probably give you silent treatment WHICH HE CANNOT HANDLE.

— probably sulks and pouts when he’s “angry” or jealous. but any attention from you makes that turn into a big smile :)

— i feel like communication would be good in the relationship.

— type to give cheek kisses and then js run away afterwards cause even after all this time, he still gets shy and turn red !!

— JUST AN AMAZING BOYFRIEND .

💭 — sawrri for leaking my relationship with jake 😓 dispatch don’t leave this info oh No!!!!! (please do)

ENHA PERM TAGLIST — @flwoie @ixomiyu @yenavrse @shinsou-rii @bearseulgs @ilovewonyo @yenqa @dimplewonie @bubblytaetae @wtfhyuck @ineedaherosavemeenow @starcubes @starikizs @wonioml @chirokookie @xiaoderrrr @neozon3nha @en-chantedtomeetyou @millksea @enhaz1 @eundiarys @woon2u @ja4hyvn @judeduartewannabe @j-wyoung @thia-aep @vampcharxter @softpia @officiallyjaehyuns @itsactuallylina @hsheart @sweetjaemss @ahnneyong @hanienie @jwnghyuns @kpoplover718 @jiawji @rikizm @haknom @yeokii @wvnkoi @whoschr @teddywonss @shinunoga-iie-wa @flwrshee @skzenhalove @misoxhappy @s00buwu @ox1-lovesick @miercerise

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita/wibta for NOT breaking up with my bf ?

i'm not sure if the title is phrased weirdly, bare with me. my bf and i are both 18, he is cis M & i am FTM (relevant).

My bf and i are both currently in first year uni, both living at home due to high cost of living in our country (also everywhere else lol). We met about halfway through highschool, and were friends for a while before getting together. we are coming up on two years together in a couple months, and have not really had any major bumps in our relationship. we see eachother i would say 1-2x per week, with both of us living at home and being broke it gets a little challenging sometimes but we call most nights and generally we make it work. Also worth noting that I am my bf's first everything, down to his first kiss, while he is not really this for me. this is the longest relationship i have been in (probably because i'm 18 lol), but not at all the first. however, the only "serious" relationship i have had outside of of him, aside from just casual stuff, was very abusive & toxic, so i do sort of see us on equal footing as neither of us has ever been in a normal, functional relationship before.

Now, the issue: while we are both currently living at home, i see this as a very temporary arrangement and something i am counting down the days until i can get out of. while living with my family is not abusive or anything, it is just very straining as i am not very close with them, and also cannot transition while living at home. as previously mentioned i am ftm, and while my mom is tolerant it would just put even more stress on the relationship if i were to start changing physically while living at home or even asking her to use different pronouns for me and is just something i prefer to leave until i'm not 100% reliant on her. that being said my dysphoria causes me very intense depression and without getting too detailed, i don't know how much longer i can take living here and putting off any sort of meaningful transition outside of close/online friends calling me he.

my bf, however, plans to live at home at least until he graduates, which is six years away. i understand that this is a very normal thing, especially culturally (he is middle eastern + muslim, i am white + agnostic), but the issue is that his mother is, among many other things, extremely homophobic. she already hates me for reasons i'm not really sure of (my bf refuses to go into detail, i think to protect me, but i have seen extremely graphic and nasty texts about me by name on his phone and have been told by him that he doesn't even mention me around the house or else she gets extremely upset, though she is always extremely nice to me the few times we have interacted), but anyways, me transitioning while he is still living at home would be essentially putting him in legitimate danger.

my bf does not like to think about this, which i understand. it's hard enough dealing with what i get from my family, and that is absolutely nothing compared to the fact that everyone he knows from his culture/religion beleives he should be dead just because he is gay (i know, as does he, that there are queer muslims. but they do not exist openly in his personal community). but the problem is that anytime i adress to him that the idea of waiting until we are in our mid-twenties for me to even think about transitioning is a really big issue for me he basically refuses to talk about it and just says that "it will work out". on top of the transitioning thing i just generally don't want to be twenty-five (the age he has told me is when he plans to move out) and still having to cancel dates last minute because my boyfriend's mom was in a bad mood and decided he's not allowed to go out tonight. i know this is how life is for many people and they learn to deal with it! and i respect them very much! but it is genuinely my nightmare. i understand why he cannot/does not want to cut himself off from his family, especially since his dad lives overseas and is extremely wealthy so therefore paying his entire tuition out of pocket. i'm just saying it's not a lifestyle that meshes well with my future plans.

this is where the asshole part comes in: my bf genuinely thinks that we are going to spend the rest of our lives together. this started with small comments, things like alluding to the idea of our potential future kids (i love kids and raising my own is genuinely my end goal in life, something he knows just because i am very open about it), or talking about our future apartment/house, but now is basically just a constant conversation in our relationship. i try not to feed into it, but i also feel badly responding to his sweet comment when i point out a house i like on the street about how we'll buy it one day with something about how i don't ever see that happening. i generally just respond neutrally, but i will admit i get caught up in the fantasy sometimes and contribute to it as well.

he is such a lovely guy with a beautiful heart and i do really adore him, and it's not a situation where i don't want to spend the rest of my life with him. to be honest, that's the dream. i love him with everything i have and i would literally do anything for him. the problem is just that when he talks about this future together all i can picture is all the million ways our relationship is doomed to implode.

but we are happy right now, because me moving out of my family home is not something that is going to be possible for another 1-2 years, so none of those issues are something that are going to come up right now. i just forsee them being pretty much impossible obstacles between us and spending the rest of our lives together down the line. but i have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that even though i want more than anything to be with him forever, the fact that i don't remotely beleive it's something that will actually work out still constitutes as leading him on.

so, am i the asshole for staying with him, because we are happy right now and these issues are not going to be relevant for another 1-2 years, and a solution might somehow present itself in that time? or is the right thing to do to just leave now, and rip off the bandaid?

What are these acronyms?

[destinyc1020]

I think a lot of the Austin hate now stems from Jacob fans, bt i find many of Jacobs "fans" to b very fleeting. i think the voice comments will always b there bt a lot of ppl got over the unjustified rumors of him cheating on Vanessa and ppl do think he/Kaia gerbers age gap is weird (ik i do 🥴) bt Austin just got famous from Elvis last yr n I dnt really think Kaia is that relevant in pop culture so some ppl will point it out bt I think their kinda overlooked as a couple. I think over time he will b fine though his fanbase seems to b strong

Yea, the Elvis/Jacob/Austin comparisons were bound to happen, so that was a given. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I still don't really get the voice thing tbh. Yea, his voice might be slightly different, but if you compare it to 7 years ago, his voice/accent basically sounds the same. He just has an older voice now, and maaaybe a less hard enunciation of certain words probably due to the Elvis vocal training all those years. But other than that?? People drove that voice thing into the ground imo.

Look, even Tom has an older voice now. That's what normally happens when you age. Your voice (yes, even women's voices) change a little, and usually get deeper with age.

But yea, I'm sure eventually people will get over it with him just like they got over the Anne Hathaway hate...

I'll address the Kaustin and Vanessa stuff below 👇:

RE: Kaustin....

I've already talked about what I think about them as a couple on my blog several times before... 🤐 Honestly? They as a couple have always seemed a bit OFF to me (and I'm not just talking about the age gap thing ; which is cringe in itself) and idk why. Look, I've tried to like them as a couple, and her, but I just can't get over the nepobaby-ism, and the weirdness of that family. I actually used to think they were real (and maybe they are?🤷🏾‍♀️) but this year, certain things about their relationship have seemed a bit contrived and pap-heavy??

Not only that, but they barely even look like they're close friends w/each other half the time ROTFL. 😅🤣 Their vibe is so off to me lol. I'm sorry. But the gut doesn't lie. They look so bored and dead w/each other sometimes. I keep saying that Vanessa is the one who got away... 👀 Want proof? Just do a simple Google search photo comparison of his "couple" pics with V and his "couple" pics with K. That's all I'll say lol... 🤭

But hey, if they're happy, then I'm happy for them!? 🤷🏾‍♀️ Idc who he dates honestly, just as long as she's a kind person, is genuine, down to earth, and is dating him for the right reasons.

Here's some tea☕for you.... There's been some in the fandom who spilled that supposedly, Kaia went after HIM. 👀 That wouldn't surprise me lol.

RE: Vanessa...

Yea, I never fully believed the cheating rumors tbh, cuz things just didn't make sense. And no woman I know would be hanging out with the girl who her bf of 9 years cheated on her with. Add to the fact that their families (esp her sister?) still follow each other?🤔

Also add to the fact that Ash Tisdale is still SUPER close to Austin, and I know she is/was a close friend of V's as well, so I doubt she'd be hanging tight with him if he cheated on her friend like that. 🥴 So things just never made sense?

More tea ☕ for you....Take this with a HUGE FAT GRAIN of salt (because who knows if any of this stuff is true?), but word on the street is that supposedly, Vanessa was the one who broke up with Austin. 👀

IF that is true, then that would explain a LOT. Supposedly, it had to do with Elvis filming. 🤐 Supposedly, they had already broken up before the film even started filming. It's a long story.

Anyway, they seemed really happy together all those years, so it's kinda sad they weren't able to try to work things out again. But oh well! It's too late now! V is about to be a married woman (if she isn't already!). 😅

Honestly?? I don't blame her if she really wanted marriage and a family, and she didn't want to continue to spend more time waiting for him (and his career, etc) to catch up.

[detestable-darling]

idk lil personal ramble under the cut. im sentimental.

i fucking love niche hobbies. i love reconnecting w my old interests with a new unbiased light.

i used to be made fun of for how into little things i got. my passion abt bugs specifically got me bullied pretty heavily as a young autistic kid. i believed in every individual bugs’ life. so kids would torture and kill any bugs they found in front of me. its actually fucked up thinking back on it. theyd make cicadas scream and tear off their wings and legs before squashing them just so i would cry.

so i stopped openly caring and grew afraid of bugs as a result.

then i developed vermiphobia in high school and i was made fun of very openly by who i thought was my best friend at the time. she tormented me that day.

its been 6 years since ive ever exchanged a word with her. its been even more years since ive had anyone pick on me maliciously, many years since i had a “friend” pick on me for what i am and am not interested in or scared of.

in 2021 i re-realised my love for entomology. i started reading and studying, feeling that spark of passion again was invigorating!

its 2023 now.

my bf has a riff with a student of his where they exchange spider facts, he asks me for some to give her every wednesday.

last night, we stopped to fill up fuel, i stopped him from walking so he didn’t step on a beetle. he didn’t make fun of me or anything, hell, he was worried that maybe he did step on it and felt bad for it! the beetle was okay, i tossed him to the grass after my bf and i admired it. that would’ve gotten me bullied as a kid. not now.

i have friends both in person and online who think of me when they see an unidentified insect or spider. members of my family and lots of my friends and even co-workers pick up interesting bugs that died on their windowsills or that they found in abandoned webs or dusty corners!!

ive made people keep their eye out for the beauty of insects, even those who admit that theyre scared of them see them in a slightly different light due to my passion for it. like “wow i think this is scary, but charles would probably think this is so cool wouldnt he?”

im doing reading to find out spider facts to exchange with my bfs student as i thought about all this. its just… nice. its rly rly nice. genuinely.

[bisluthq]

I mean...maybe Joe entertained a bit but as Taylor said in other songs a lot of it was projecting due to her past. She seems to have always been kind of possessive about him. Always thinking every woman who looked his way could be a threat. And again maybe he could never make her totally secure, but Taylor has always been like this and if you take into account her past relationships there was a baggage.

And as long as you don't work on that baggage, you're going to carry that with you and it doesn't matter how much the person tells you I'm not going to cheat on you, I'm not going to leave you. Like you always have that bug in your ear, but what if he did what if he gets tired of me. It was probably stressful for Taylor, but I imagine it can't have been easy for Joe either to constantly be accused off that.

At some point you probably feel like actually doing what she fears so she's right. And it's a bit of a self fullfilling prophecy. You keep thinking he will cheat, so if or when he does you're like yeah I knew it. It's exhausting to live like that for both of them. And Taylor is a bit of a flirt too tbf. At this time it's also ironic if she was still going on sets out of jealousy, yet the cheater was her 😬🥴 isn't there a saying that people who are so afraid people cheat is because they are the ones actually doing it?

yeah no I think it was exhausting for both and also absolutely she was projecting at the end lmao. Also lmao at the end I genuinely think she’d have been relieved if he’d cheated because it would’ve given her the moral high ground ykwim? And also why I think she’d have called it out directly not continued to say vague things about how he wasn’t trustworthy because she would’ve felt way less guilty in Guilty as Sin if he actually WAS fucking someone else (or even wanking to TikToks of other women). But yeah I think it just seriously sucked for both.

Again, this is EXACTLY like that situation my friend is in and my bf’s take is that she’s being super unreasonable because she literally views every woman who looks at him as a threat while being fairly flirty herself (she once like grabbed my bf’s ass and it freaked him out but it was in front of me and even if it wasn’t I don’t care) but she’s told me like it’s the fact that he’s never once even vaguely shut it down that bothers her. He leans into the attention and she fucking hates it. She actually contrasted it with my bf who, despite talking a big talk, gets VERY uncomfortable when other women flirt with him. To the point where like we were out one night (not the night of the big fight this was a while back) and I was being my jolly little self over at the bar and he was sitting at a table and a woman came over and came onto him quite hard and I saw that and my friends and I were like “wow that girl’s down bad” and that lasted like 30 seconds before he started gesturing at me very intensely and this girl ambled over to me and bought me a drink and started apologizing for “hitting on my man” and I was like “dude please that’s very flattering to me, if no one else wanted him then why would I” but anyway that was him shutting it down. Whereas that friend’s bf would’ve 100% sat there talking to the girl and it would’ve driven my friend mad. That’s how I imagine it was with T/J a lot. Like he just… entertained it and it would drive her nuts and make her feel less bejeweled.

[aerodaltonimperial]

The best friends being possibly taken out from the tag team battle royal by the ass boys and the firm, danhausen would want revenge, hooks feuding with the firm and stokely, if only there was some way they could team up due to having mutual interests 🧐🧐🧐

It's 7:15 AM, so bear with me: yes, anon, if only there was some way.

The Ass Boys officially slotting in with the Firm last night was the last piece needed to complete this weird bridge we've been building the past month. Right now, the Venn diagram of the Best Friends, the Firm, the Acclaimed, and JJ/Lethal is a series of overlapping circles. The only outlier is Hook. The entire diagram, with the exception of the Best Friends, are facing off against each other in Revolution. Given the time they've used to build this up the way it is, I would be disappointed (but perhaps not surprised) if the last tag team in that 4-team Revolution match up was someone unrelated. Which gives us really only three options:

1) The Best Friends earn their spot in the match at the Casino Battle Royale, which they already should have gotten after this week and the rampant cheating. Also, they should just be in it because they deserve a run at the belts. And also because I love them. Likelihood? I don't know. The BF are "non-serious" wrestlers, and we know how those names rarely get to win.

2) Orangehausen: the teased BF split has never materialized; neither has the Evilhausen reappearance that should, by all rights, have happened a few weeks ago following all those obvious head bumps. OC and Danhausen have been together for a lot of these past few weeks, even when the BF were suspiciously absent. We could see them coming in if the BF are indeed taken out through nefarious means.

3) Hookhausen reunion: Hook is the outlier in this mess, and also, possibly, the dead center (depending on how you draw it). Hook is currently stable-less and partnerless, with literally no one in his corner. We have watched Danhausen steadily increase his mentions of Hook in the past 2 months, to the point where we have finally got a canon connection on TV. It's weird, actually, that they are currently circling each other so closely but have yet to actually collide. Their story lines are pretty much stacked on top of each other. Danhausen is also the only person not to be scheduled for something next Wednesday. I had my bets on a Hookhausen reunion beginning of April (Long Island), but I would be happy to be wrong. This is largely the only option to fully pull Hook into the diagram, rather than leaving him as a strange question mark at the sides (JB, at this point, should probably be considered to have left the storyline with the return of Cage). Also, given the way next week's match is set up, it would be dumb (but not impossible, we have seen) not to have something substantial happen with the fact that Hook will face ringside antics with no one to back him up: the perfect opportunity.

I'll add the caveat that while all of these make the most sense LOGICALLY, nothing ever seems to play out the way I think it will, so we may in fact have another month to wait for a Hookhausen reunion while, say, Top Flight wins the Royale and goes into the Revolution match LOL. I mean. Narratively it would be so unfulfilling!!! But this is wrestling. They may not care. 🤣

[shouxryuuxha]

The saga

Ok, since the time frame is up I can now say what has been going on since Nov. 18th.

Trigger warnings for mentions of s***de, mention of manipulative behavior, parental death, mention of eating disorder, brief mention of different types of abuse, drug use, harassment, and stalking.

On the 18th of my now ex-roommate decided that through snapchat it would be ok to call me a bunch of things, along with calling my boyfriend slanderous names; questioning his manhood and calling him names like "rabbit" (odd but ok), "pussy" and things like that. He threatened non-payment of rent and continued his gaslighting of me through snapchat since he, as a person, only felt comfortable saying all this ugly and slanderous things over the internet and not to my face; he crumbles like a piece of paper when you confront him in person. He kept it going well into the weekend, saying things like "this is all your doing" "all you wanna do is play house with your rabbit boyfriend" and tried to manipulate by then saying "If you would just apologize, it would be water under the bridge" and other pretty fucked up shit to the point where he wouldn't stop and I had to delete my snapchat, not before I took pictures of over 20 messages from him alone.

That following Monday, Nov. 20th, during therapy, I started getting text messages from someone I didn't know wanting to me to confirm my boyfriend's father's names. I asked who was this, they responded with the same question so I used an alias, and they responded with their name (or probably a fake) saying how after 8 years of having his friend's back, I betrayed them; that's friend's don't keep secrets from friends. Only to then have the gall for me to again, confirm his dad's name. At that point, I blocked the number and after a mild panic attack thinking that this man fully gave out my phone number and possible other details, me and my boyfriend went down to the court house to file a order of protection.

20 minutes before talking to the judge about this, my now ex-roommate proceeds to blow up my email inbox, his first wall of text email starting with the title "I'll drop your name in my s***de note" and with the big wall of text, that when printed was 2 pages long of just vile gaslighting and manipulation. I was granted the order and all I had to do was get it served. Problem is, I didn't know where he was; he was with a friend somewhere and with the safety, he continued to harass me via email for 18 straight days. My complex were given the order and even sent him a email notice that the locks were changed. He didn't care to read it and continued to beratement of me, my character, my past and everything. He said things like "You probably cheated on your exes and you're probably cheating on your [insert bf name] too." Mind you, my first relationship was for 8 years. I moved across the country for this man, just to him to never claim me as his girlfriend due to my weight, race, height---you name it, he claimed it. Manipulated and gaslit me to the point where I developed a eating disorder just to be the weight he wanted among other things to keep me under his control like breaking up with me to get me to beg and spiral, emotional abuse, mental abuse, psychological abuse, and sexual abuse. My second ex, was not only cheating and taking advantage, but he had a whole fiancée on the side that I did not know about which made me a mistress without my consent, on top of his man trying to impregnat me with his child. Luckily, there is no child because I am not dumb.

My ex-roommate threw those in my face, my lack of self esteem in my face, my weight in my face and saying things like "I should have left you stroked out on the floor; fuck me for saving you", referring to the stroke I had last year. All while using the fact that he "saved [your] life" as way to make me owe him for the rest of his life. And then on Thanksgiving, to fully dig in the knife in, he stated in another brick wall of text "Your mother would be ashamed of you" and "How selfish of you to not go and see her as she was dying." My mother passed away on April 6th, 2002. Time of death was call at 9:12 pm. Her viewing was on a Thursday, the burial was on a Friday, my 11th birthday was that Sunday. My mother passed away from Lupus 8 days from my 11th birthday. How dare a 10 year old not know when their singular parent was going to die and not suck it up to go and see her with you know, a feeding tube, a breathing tube, and a dialysis machine all attached at once. But you know, he didn't care, it was just ammunition.

For 18 days. I didn't eat. I was up at 4 AM regardless of work, I was puking bile every morning and due to stress I lost over 15 pounds. I had constant headaches, nothing brought me joy and I was in a constant state of panic. He kept on harassing me through email, sometimes sending 10 emails a day. It got so bad that I had to have my friend filter my emails and put them all away so I could go into my own email. He said I was keeping him from his medication, that me and my lies to the judge and cops are making him homeless and how he will sue me for human rights violations. Waking up to a wall of text, the longest one being 4 pages long was a nightmare. Being called a liar, a fucking bitch, a cunt, a backstabber, and other things left me questioning my own sanity. This is not the first time I've people gaslight me for days, months and some people years just to control me.

I was under a huge mountain of stress. Now add to that stress, having to go into work every day because now you are the sole breadwinner. 18 long days. Finally all came to a head on Dec. 6th. At this point, the complex knew about him, I had retained an attorney, 2 neighbors, my boyfriend, my work place and the complex all had a copy of the order and were instructed to call 911 if he steps foot on property. He had already been trespassed due to the order. It just came down to getting him served. So, around noon, my neighbor texted me saying that he was here at the complex; according to my friend he stated in a email that he was coming back that day and just going straight the gym; he was going to force me to come home to him being there and just force me to go back to normal since his friends told him to "stand his ground" and that "we're going to be a team". He basically wanted to make me help him get his life together after 18 days to beratement and mental and psychological abuse. He wanted me to go back to normal, not talk about it or bring it up in order to sweep it under the rug. He didn't want to be reminded of it so badly, that he began telling me that he did not want my boyfriend sleeping over for the foreseeable future and preferred me to stay at his place and not to have him order until he was ready to have him back.

Yes. The sad thing is, that I condensed alot of things.

But, on the 6th of December, left me with a final message before the officers got there and served him with a full no contact order, INCLUDING EMAIL. This was his final email to me before the cops showed up who fully believed he was in the right for his degusting behavior and fully believes that I lied about him being abusive since he never hit me:

Emotion abuse. Mental abuse. Sexual abuse, Psychological abuse. These are all just as bad as physical abuse and usually, these are precursors to physical abuse.

Now, you're probably wondering, why would anyone do this? Clearly I did something to get him going. What if I told you, that what set this off was half of a conversation that was intended to help him. That his own illegal steroid used paranoia put him in a spiral and caused to do this. Every friend he had all went through this even before the drugs. Whenever he didn't get his way, he would resort to this type of behavior. He blew up a ex-friend's relationship because said ex-friend didn't take him to the gym so he felt entitled to blow up that relationship and reveal things that was not his business to reveal. He cut his foster mom out of his life because of a remark. He threated to dox a girl who was a camming on the side to make extra money to start her candle business and expose her because he wanted a relationship and she didn't. 2 separate girls, one in a different state, called a 5150 because of the stuff he was saying to them and blaming them for his behavior.

So, I am talking about this now because, yesterday was his last day to formally file a contest against the order. He did not. I finally feel I can breathe again. I don't feel like there is a rope around my neck and the feeling of my house feels different.

So, I wanted to come on here and explain myself. I wanted to come on here and apologize for being gone. I feel like those who have known me and know me through writing Shiryu for so long, I feel that I needed to tell you all. I wanted to share this with you and tell those who might be going through something similar, if every fiber of your being is telling you its wrong, its wrong. You are not alone. I hear you and I see you. Physical abuse is not the only form of abuse. Don't let anyone tell you different.

My name is Brooklyn. I am an abuse victim.

[ehilikeshoney]

Random post alert (aka me ranting about school stuff + my review for the first mission in GTA TBoGT)

So, this was basically the last day of school for me (since the majority of teachers in my country are striking [due to low salaries] starting next week), and just like all school days, it was shit, even shittier than usual cuz I’ve been having beef with my benchmate for a while now and all I can say is that she snapped today because she claimed I “ignored” her the entire week. Well yeah, school is almost over, there’s the final exams (aka probably the most important ones in my life and which my entire academic future depends on) waiting for me to take them at the end of June, so I have no fucking energy left to listen to you crying about your bf not texting you “good morning” or sending you 3 hearts instead of 5 or other shit like this.

But whatever, I have no energy left to draw anything today either (sorry 😔). Since this was the last week of school and most of us (myself included) didn’t have enough grades, you can only imagine I had to study quite a lot this week.

However, I didn’t rlly procrastinate all day today. After waking up from a nap, I decided to start playing GTA TBoGT instead.

All I can say is that the experience so far is interesting (just like the last time I played this game), even if I just finished only the first mission.

I genuinely didn’t know what to do in the club when the game told me to “hang out” in it. I tried doing the dancing mini game, but after constantly failing, I just went upstairs and did the champagne chugging one instead (since, for me at least, that one’s easier).

Also, I love Luis’ self confidence when he’s drunk. My man literally went: “LUIS 😡 FERNANDO 😤 LOPEZ 😫 !!! REMEMBER THAT NAME ☝️ !!!” or “I 🙋‍♂️ WILL RULE 💪 THIS TOWN 🗣️ !!!”

I like it :)

What I don’t like tho is the fact that the missions are being scored here. I was like “🫤” when I saw I only scored 50% ffs 😭😔

But overall, good game 😐👍

[youn9racha]

hey...

hi... how y'all doing?...

you probably reading this:

alright, so lemme explain my long ass absence and where have i been the past few days (totally not four months) since i've last updated on this site.

so i've unintentionally gone mia due to certain events that occurred irl that led to me going inactive here. mind you, i come from a country where they literally banned tumblr as an app so i'd have to access it through safari/my laptop, so sometime logging in can easily be forgetful when you're consumed by surroundings.

so where have i been?

nowhere really. I've just been hung up on uni because, as i've mentioned in a previous post, this year has been hectic academically speaking. i'm a junior going into senior, as shown by the fact that yesterday was my last day as a junior. needless to say that i escaped that battle with scars on my body over how much workload i had to endure and how mentally and physically draining things were going but thankfully i came out alive, in spite of my thoughts of attempting, i pushed through and managed to escape.

another reason was that i recently lost a dear family member of mine. i won't get into it much as i'm still healing from this but this family member recently passed away and i have yet to recover from it and still am reeling from it, so focusing on writing and working have just been difficult to maintain, which kills the drive of productivity. i am lucky however that i do have a support system that allows me to heal as well as i could, without any pressure and speeding things up.

this post does feel like an excuse for something so minute, but i'm really just explaining my case. after all, i could just post another bang chan smut and it won't any difference. its not like i'm a celebrity or anything, but i still do feel like explaining myself without giving myself away.

i don't know whether i'll continue writing on here or not, i may or may not, but i lean maybe i'll continue but only time will tell. and even if i did, i'll probably not be as active as i used to be like last year or the year before. and don't get me wrong, i still very much love stray kids. i have lost interest in kpop altogether (i still listen to kpop ofc but i just don't stan any groups anymore, nor do i have an interest in stanning any other groups) but stray kids is the only group that i have a great interest in, and still stan. bang chan is still the main standard of man to me, so much so that my close friends always associate me with him and joke that he's my bf.

so yeah, thats really all to it. i might make a twitter for me to interact with people here instead of disappearing every now and then, but don't take my word for it lmfao.

anyways, yeah im done bitching.

byyeee

[pastrygeckos]

I was actually going to post my ko-fi in case anyone wanted to help out with the cost of Saki's surgery (she will be having it either way, it's just a matter of how much more poor we will be after that) but apparently my account was deactivated? Very cool. Also the Tumblr tip function probably doesn't work anymore because Stripe deactivated the account due to low activity kek. Also also I've not had a PayPal account since I moved from Norway (2014), because I couldn't log in to change the country without my old Norwegian cellphone number.

Fun fact: my student loan bills still arrive at my bf's parent's house because you need a weird little dongle to generate digital passwords to log in and mine ran out of batteries like 5 years ago lmao. I can't phone to ask for a new one from abroad because it's too expensive (I was supposed to do it last time I was over, obviously forgot).

I feel like the older I get, the more obvious the ADHD gets 🥲

[countlessrealities]

@dynamoprotocol sent: 💋 Can past!Clarissa get a kissy from her genius bf Send ‘💋’ in my inbox to get a kiss from my muse || Accepting !

Rick had two favourite times of the day, no matter in what stellar system, galaxy or dimension he was. The middle of the night, when most living beings are asleep, and the hour around down, where the local star was rising, but darkness still enveloped most things.

Perhaps it was due to the fact that those were the times when he woke up. The middle of the night when he passed out in the afternoon and dawn when he went to sleep not in the first hours of the mornings.

That day belonged to the latter category, with one, very relevant difference: usually when he woke up alone the first thing he did was reaching out for the half empty bottle that he always kept at arm's reach, but not that morning. Mostly because he wasn't alone, as it tended to happen surprisingly often lately, and his attention had been captivated by his current company since the very moment he had blinked his eyes open.

A little grin opened on his face, one of those that he allowed himself only when no one could see him. Those smiles were too soft, too open, too genuine to be shared. Even with the woman he might or might not have been in love with.

His gaze followed the curves of Clarissa's body, starting from where they were hidden under the creased sheets up to her face, framed between the pillow and the thick, rebellious bush of her cobalt hair. The first pale rays of the raising star, barely visible from the window as it peeked past the horizon made the blue locks almost look like they were shining with their own light.

Useless to say, Rick was captivated, as he often was in their shared, most quiet moment, unable to look away. Not from the deep ocean that flooded down covering her back, nor from how relaxed and handsome her features looks while she slept.

The memory of how Clarissa's hair had felt under his fingers the night before, while their bodies and been entangled in a passionate embrace, resurfaced and he lifted a hand, meaning to touch it. However, he changed his mind at the last moment, stopping less than an inch away from the blue mass. He could do better than that.

Barely muffling a little snicker, he inched forward, careful not to wake her. His girlfriend was a light sleeper, unless she was really wasted, so he had to move slowly not to alert her. Once he was close enough, he stretched his neck, landing his lips on the tip of her nose in a playful kiss.

There was nothing too funny in the action, and yet he felt laughter bubbling in his chest. It was odd to taste that feeling again, even if just for a brief moment. Not happiness, because he felt like he had lost the ability to feel it that fateful day, but a contented kind of dazed bliss.

It wasn't the same, it would probably never be, but it was close enough.

[moth--knight]

if you don't mind sharing, how exactly did you find out you had adhd? and how did you get through college w it?

hi anon!! not a question I expected haha, but sure, I can answer (but I rambled sorry, so putting it below the cut)

I didn't realize I had it until I got to college, mostly due to interacting with peers who also had ADHD and whose experiences mirrored mine in startling ways. I had always been a good student in terms of like, grades? But I struggled with getting ANYTHING in on time. It was like there was a mental block preventing me from doing even the most basic of things. Sitting down to focus on a simple 200 word response felt like pulling teeth despite the fact that I was objectively a good and fast writer, and pretty much every assignment I have done since middle school onward I have done at the VERY LAST MINUTE. I nearly flunked out of my first semester of college because despite having As in all my classes, I could not for the life of me get myself to write the final papers for three of my classes. My professors were kind enough to give me extensions of a full two months - and yet every single one of those papers I wrote the night before the final deadline, crying on the floor of my dorm room until 7am. I didn't understand WHY I couldn't just fucking sit down and do it. It did not help that I could focus on shit like video games for HOURS without moving. I would forget to eat, forget to sleep, forget to use the bathroom - I always felt very fucking useless and lazy, because I *could* focus, but never on the right thing. Not to mention that I could not form habits to save my life. Even now at 25, remembering to brush my teeth twice a day is like, nigh on impossible. Lol.

In college I met some friends who were diagnosed with ADHD, and all of them were pretty much like "hey your issues with hyperfixations and an inability to focus on simple necessary tasks and an inability to keep habits and so forth all are very ADHD coded my friend" and I was like "NAHHHHHHHHH. NO WAY. I'M FINE." <- words of a guy who was NOT fine

Even worse, my partner at the time had a therapist who just from stories of me was like "btw maybe you should tell your bf they probably have ADHD it could help them" which is like. Deeply fucking funny kdfsgfhdkjsal Anyway. My own therapist eventually also was like "99.9% sure you have ADHD" and I was like "sick what do I do then" and she was like "well you could get tested and get on meds" and I was like "ahahahahahahaha well I cannot afford that so nah"

I had no insurance in college and every dime I made I spent on HRT or sent it home to my family. So. I basically ignored the problem. Which. Was not helpful. Lol. Quite frankly looking back I am not sure how I managed to graduate at all. I was under severe and constant stress because of the way ADHD was ruining my life as a student. It was not fun.

I didn't really *accept* that I had ADHD though until after college, and I still have never gotten a formal diagnosis 1) because I don't have that kind of money to throw around tbh and 2) I don't need a doctor to tell me what I already know.

BUT. YOU ASKED HOW I GOT THROUGH. SO HERE ARE MY TRIED AND TRUE STRATEGIES

Whenever possible, I tried to set up parallel working sessions. I often sat with a large group of friends/peers in our library and we would work together. Having other people with me helped keep me on track, and even when I spent half the time talking, the other half I worked. Working alone I often got NOTHING done. Parallel play saved my ass on many nights and for many assignments. My junior/senior year when we had to go remote because of COVID I swapped out in person for video calls with multiple people. Same sort of vibe. Now as an adult if I want to get something done, I still hop on a video call with my friends. It helps me focus to have other people there, and the background noise of conversations is soothing almost. I don't know why, but it works.

If you can, have some sort of schedule imposed by outside forces. I really fucking suck at habit forming, and so making lists and just saying "I am going to do this then" does not work for me. But having set times I would go to class and go to work helped me manage my time better, and carve out blocks that FORCED me to work on what I needed to get done. I color coded my schedule and made sure that my class hours and work hours were regular; it made my 'free time' also more structured around those mandated times, which helped a little. It also caused me a lot of stress though. There are tradeoffs for everything I suppose.

Walking and pacing!!! This sounds nuts but like. I luv maladaptive daydreaming and have since I was a kid, so I kind of adapted that to help me with school work. If I had an essay or something I would put on some music and go for a walk or pace in my dorm room and just think about the assignment. It helped me generate ideas so when it came time to sit and focus, I had something to work with rather than staring at a blank page. I really suck at sitting still and thinking, so moving around helped me a lot.

Speaking of, I took a LOT of breaks. Which seems counterintuitive I guess, but allowing myself to get up, go get a snack, go chat with someone, etc, made it easier to come back and sit down and work rather than trying to just sit and focus and fail to focus for hours on end. I took lots of breaks but also got small pieces done in between every break, so it all added up in the end.

Anyway, sorry, this is a lot. the TLDR is I spent my schooling years either unaware or in denial of having ADHD, and it destroyed me. I wish I had accepted it sooner, and I wish I had more adults in my life that could have saw the signs and helped me.....but alas.

Even so, I developed ways to cope that I still use now. It helped me a lot to start talking to other people who also have ADHD because it made me feel less alone. I've also tried very hard to reframe my thinking of myself as lazy/useless because like, I am not either of those things! I just have a disorder that makes shit hard! GRAH!

I have no idea if any of this is helpful anon, but I hope ??? it can be. I don't want to presume anything BUT if you too are in college and struggling I am wishing you the absolute best and I hope you can find a good support system. (And if you ever want to chat, my dms are open <3)

[destinyc1020]

By the way Hollywood is i would just b content with Kaia being in her late 20s n Austin in his late 30s bt 20 (wen they met) is just so.. young. I actually enjoy Kaias book club n she said in the last one that was told a lot that she was very "mature" n a "old soul" when she was young n i definetly get that vibe from her, i feel like she thinks shes more mature bt by her interviews she sounds like her age to me tbh (nt a bad thing though shes still seems more stable than a lot of other nepo baby models).

I did think her n JE were going to last longer, they give off the same kinda vibe imo. In his print interviews he seems pretentious/wanting to emulate old hollywood stars or Health Ledger n Kaia mentioned smthin about how an artist isnt going to sacrifice their movie for someones kid (wrong lol) cuz thats not how art is made n she wants to "make art". Just by those comments i got why they were a couple ☠️ both of them can just sound very eye rolling to put it plainly lol kaia seems a lil more geniune wen shes nt ignorant about nepotism tho lol

Im srry bt the "rent a model gf" gave me a lil chuckle lmao it def helps wen her last n current bf have been actors n she wants to b an actress now. Anytime someone mentions her its either cuz her mom or shes "_'s gf". I think shes prob going to continue to have a deal with the paps until or if her acting career takes off cuz they give her visibility in hollywood

Late 20s would be fine....shoot... even 25 would be better and just fine imo lol 😆

I've always liked the fact that Kaia had her book club, and it's smthg she's done for years. She's a VERY avid reader, so I'm not even surprised that Austin was attracted to her, coz he loves to read also! 😊 Like, I can totally understand why they clicked, cuz they actually have quite a bit in common.

While I do think that Kaia has been forced to grow up VERY quickly in the modeling world, and probably isn't a "regular person's" 21 year old, she's STILL very young (imo), and pretty naïve and out of touch.... You can tell by her interviews. The funny thing is, she doesn't even realize it yet, which is why it's so ironic.

I'm not sure of the context of what she meant by "making art", so I won't comment on that, but part of me almost feels like she's just repeating buzz words lol. At least with JE, I feel like that's who he truly is, and what he truly wants. Although they sometimes looked miserable together lol, I actually think they were better matched? They were closer in age, and seemed to have similar backgrounds.

ALL of us were more naïve at that age though, so it's not a slight towards her, it's just a reminder that she doesn't have much life experience yet. 🤷🏾‍♀️ According to Psychologists, your brain isn't even FULLY developed until your mid-late 20s!

JE grew up pretty privileged, and so did Kaia. When you've been raised around wealth your entire life like Kaia has, it's hard to know how to relate to "common folk".

Re: JE.....

I'm not even surprised he's with Olivia Jade rn lol. 😅 They've actually lasted waaaay longer than I expected, so I guess he stopped cheating on his gfs lol. 🤭

Re: Rent-a-Model-Girlfriend...

Lol I'm sorry rofl 🤣 But after dating Pete Davidson, Jacob Elordi, and now Austin Butler lol, it just seems like I'm noticing a pattern here rofl 🤣 (Hot, up-and-coming actors who are going places lol)

As far as Austin is concerned.....

I'm probably gonna ruffle some Kaustin/Kaia feathers by saying this lol, but I'll say it anyway since I'm ALWAYS 💯% honest here on my blog....

First off, I'll just say, I think Austin is actually a very nice guy, and definitely seems way more humble and in touch with reality due to his background.

But boy does he have a bad woman picker lol 😂 Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the women he's been with have been "bad women" at all (I actually didn't mind Vanessa back when they were dating pre-covid 🥴), I just think that his personality doesn't always align with who he's dating. So his choices are sometimes like, "seriously?" to me lol. Almost like, he doesn't realize that he could do better. 👀

Tbh, I've often wondered if maybe he got with Kaia because after the lengthy Vanessa rlshp and breakup, maybe he just wanted smthg more low-key, easy maintenance, a pretty girl on your arm for movie premieres and press tours so you're not asked about your ex all the time 🙄, and just someone who can be private, and not rustle feathers too much, or be overly obnoxious on social media. 👀

I could be dead wrong, but I kinda get the impression that he's more so focused on his career right now. Yes, he's been in the business for almost 20 years, but he's JUST now getting his big break, so he's a bit behind than some others who got their big breaks in their early 20s or younger. He could def date an older woman again in the future, but I don't think at this moment in his life that he's really looking for an older woman who might be wanting or pressuring marriage right now.... hence, KAIA. 👀 🤷🏾‍♀️

I actually wouldn't mind Kaia too much if she were at least 25 and came from a regular background like himself. She's private, she doesn't say anything about the rlshp, and many famous ppl need you to be that way when you're dating such a high-profile man. Maybe she took notes from Zendaya lol 🤭

Anyway, I think his focus at the moment is his career. You saw how QUICKLY those engagement rumors got squashed right lol? Rofl 🤣 😂 I'd be a little surprised if he gets engaged to Kaia anytime soon. (I could be totally wrong though)

But he is def a guy who seems to prefer stable, long-term rlshps though, so they will probably last quite a while! They might even surprise everyone and get engaged one day, but I don't see it happening tomorrow, in other words. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Honestly?? I actually think Austin would do well to just be SINGLE for 6 months lol. I know that's a TALL order for a handsome, nice guy in the industry lol, but imo I think it would do him well. He's been through a LOT. Not just his mom's death, but other things in his life as well.

Relationship-wise, he went from an 8-yr rlshp with Vanessa, to then a massive breakup, to then a rebound "situationship" with his Elvis costar Olivia, to then another rebound fling with Lily Depp lol.... like laawwwd dude rofl 🤣 😂 Can't you just be single lol? 🤣

I'll give him a slight pass though, cuz 8 years is a very long time to be with someone, and then NOT have anybody.... I always say that the longer your relationship was, the longer you rebound also. I don't even think they broke up in person face-to-face. 👀

Anyway, IF he and Kaia do breakup one day, I'll be looking to see who he gets with next, cuz if it's some young 21 year old again I'm gonna be giving him the MASSIVE side-eye.

🤨

Anyway, those are my thoughts/opinions.... you don't have to agree. 🤷🏾‍♀️