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cartograffiti · 8 months

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January '24 reading diary

I finished a whopping 17 books in January, thanks to picking up a lot of quicker reads (novellas! poetry! manga!), and a bunch of them were really exciting!

At Christmas, my mother bought a copy of Taskmaster: 220 Extraordinary Tasks for Ordinary People for the assembled family to pass among ourselves. It's fun and funny, but there's very little in it I'm likely to try. It's also worth noting that the book was published in 2018 and Alex Horne ran a contest alongside it, which means that there are some prompts with a 2019 deadline, and some that require going to specific places in the United Kingdom.

Some cookbooks! Pieometry: Modern Tart Art and Pie Design for the Eye and the Palate was another Christmas gift to me, by the amazing Instagram sensation Lauren Ko. I've always found her very precise decorations intimidating, and I doubt I'll attempt more than the simplest of the ones she gives instructions for here, but they're inspiring to look at, and I very much want to try some of the recipes for interesting fillings and naturally colored crusts.

I picked up Snacking Bakes by Yossy Arefi after seeing someone claim that an earlier Arefi book, Snacking Cakes, had changed the landscape of home baking in the US. I found the recipes in Bakes really basic, but I hopped into the much longer hold line for Cakes, so maybe in a couple of months I can tell you how much that's hype.

I probably won't make anything from Tasting History by Max Miller, but I like him on YouTube, and expected that. This is a book for reading about historical cooking, and the recipes are a bonus if one really intrigues you. Nice details, well laid out.

It fit in nicely with a couple of reading challenges to read a Pablo Neruda collection--I chose The Essential Neruda on the basis that Hoopla had it--and I enjoyed it hugely. I'd read Neruda poems from time to time as a child and student, mostly ones about nature and love, but this collection has a nice breadth to it, introducing me to examples of his work that deal with labor exploitation and political events. I can't speak to the quality of translation, but even only knowing his work in English, I find the rhythm and imagery really special and memorable. I'm especially fond of "Drunk as Drunk on Turpentine." He's one of the most famous Chilean writers, and I'm glad to be more familiar now with the reasons why.

Last month, I said that my mother and I had started working through a hard Nick Bantock puzzle book, and we were very impressed with it. It's called The Egyptian Jukebox, and it's a succession of interesting puzzles about interpreting the contents of photographed shadowbox "drawers." Mom, who is an excellent codebreaker, worked out a core mechanic pretty swiftly, while I floundered with wrong approaches for a bit and then asked her to confirm whether I was finally on the right track; that made the first few pages the hardest part, and the rest relied more heavily on my strengths of observation and lateral thinking. We both found the final solution extra fun because of a personal connection, but I think the journey will be satisfying enough for most puzzlers.

I've been trying to read literally any Becky Chambers book for multiple years without getting around to it, but this month I listened to the audiobooks of A Psalm for the Wild-Built and A Prayer for the Crown-Shy and just adored them. This is a duology about Sibling Dex, a monk whose role is to serve tea and listen to people's problems, and Mosscap, the first robot anyone has seen since robots became sapient and withdrew from human society, generations ago. They travel together, with beautiful writing about nature, spirituality, and various kinds of social responsibility. Every bit as good as I'd heard.

Dumb Witness is a solid mid-range Agatha Christie mystery (which is to say better than most people's), an inheritance murder plot involving a letter sent months after it was dated, interesting poison facts, and key evidence from a dog. It's a bit dated, because it relies on subverting some ideas about mental health and xenophobia that have changed since 1937. I can appreciate what she did, but at a remove.

More than one of the reading challenges I'm doing this year call for reading a manga. I like manga, but I probably haven't read any in about 10 years, since I read all sorts of Clamp and shoujo and shounen with high school friends. I fell off as my tastes moved to series aimed at young adults, which were at the time harder to find in my area. Anyway, I'm excited to have gotten sucked into a manga again! I'd seen some of Shirahama Kamome's beautiful art from Witch Hat Atelier and I quickly fell in love with the story, which surrounds Coco, a young witch being taught to work magic using art supplies. The interpersonal relationships are strong, the apprentices are real people with distinct outlooks, and the larger plot about what kinds of magic are banned, and whether they should be, is fascinating. I tore through volumes 1-5, and I have two more checked out and another on hold. Both cheerful and serious, original, and not set in a school environment. Lovely, and one of several things motivating me to try drawing again lately.

The Emelan group read has gone into the Circle Reforged novels, and we're reading in chronological order. Battle Magic was...fine? Not the most interesting Pierce major arc, but lots of interesting things woven through it. It was written in her period of slower pacing, which I don't like as much.

I know several big fans of Dorothy Dunnett's 16th century historical fiction drama the Lymond Chronicles, and oh man am I on the boat now too. The Game of Kings is so confusing (complimentary), full of emotion and grabby characters, and I fell in love. She expects a lot of her readers. I sent in the chat where I'm live blogging that, "Here's an obscure Ancient Roman. Now understand an allusion to how a particular beetle moves. Jokes in five languages. And there's even a plot." Sometimes it's overwhelming, but it's also exactly my kind of thing, every chapter has at least one perfect scene, and Dunnett does some incredible literary magic tricks. One night I felt like I felt like I was being crushed in a vise. I'm already reading the next one, which has a reveal that made me stop reading for fully 40 minutes while I unpicked what I'd missed. I want to write fanfiction. God.

And yesterday I put on a sim game and listened in one sitting to all of Malka Older's The Mimicking of Known Successes, a wonderful sci-fi novella about a detective (Mossa) on Jupiter collaborating with her former college girlfriend (Pleiti) to investigate a case that touches on Pleiti's research, the study of ecological history with the hope of repairing Earth's ecosystem enough for humanity to return to it. Their chemistry is great, the plot is clever, and the dialogue in particular is shiny and tender. I found a couple of world-building beats underdeveloped--there's a thing about "conservative" being a slur in this future that I don't think stuck the landing of indicating the threat being conservative posed to people who had to change or die--but I look forward to reading the next.

#To read a poem in January is as lovely as to go for a walk in June #reading diary #bookblr

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beyonddarkness · 2 years

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There is so much more than meets the eye, here.

To recap:

We ended Chapter 2 with the answer to Sauron’s question about Finrod: “What happened to him?” Galadriel gave a perfect summary: “He was killed in a place of darkness and despair, by servants of Sauron,” but there was some missing information.

Remember, Finrod told Beren:

‘[…] I fear that [the sons of Fëanor] will show neither love nor mercy to you, if your quest be told. Yet my own oath holds; and thus we are all ensnared.’ (The Silmarillion: Of Beren and Lúthien).

Galadriel might not even be aware that Finrod set out to help Beren retrieve a Silmaril. It would seem that this quest was told to no one when Finrod spoke before his people. After songs were sung in Beleriand of Beren and Lúthien, Maedhros (son of Fëanor) obviously knew of their deeds.

For Maedhros and his brothers, being constrained by their oath, had before sent to Thingol and reminded him with haughty words of their claim, summoning him to yield the Silmaril, or become their enemy. [...] [Thingol] sent back the messengers with scornful words. Maedhros made no answer, for he had now begun to devise the league and union of the Elves; but Celegorm and Curufin vowed openly to slay Thingol and destroy his people, if they came victorious from war, and the jewel were not surrendered of free will. (The Silmarillion: Of the Fifth Battle: Nirnaeth Arnoediad).

Even so, how much would Galadriel have known of Finrod's part in all of this?

His oath was not to “seek Sauron out and destroy him,” but rather to aid Barahir and his kin in every need. Thus, his task when he set out was specifically to help Beren with his mission. Galadriel is viewing everything inside-out.

Finrod’s oath was selfless; based in friendship, not vengeance. It was fulfilled when he gave his life for Beren.

[Galadriel] was sister of Finrod Felagund, Friend-of-Men, once king of Nargothrond, who gave his life to save Beren son of Barahir. (The Lord of the Rings: Appendix B (The Second Age).

Yet, Galadriel says this:

“My brother gave his life hunting Sauron. His task is now mine.”

Why?

Galadriel has things so incredibly backwards, that there has to be a reason for it. The answer is a long one, but it changes everything. It is not as simple as her being an ‘unreliable narrator’ just for fun.

When Sauron sees a suspicious company of twelve in his dominion, what would be his natural assumption? Upon discovering their kinds (i.e. one Man with eleven Elves, all unidentified; the head Elf he perceived to be a “Noldo of great might and wisdom”) what would he automatically conclude? Would not one of his hypotheses be that they set out to seek him out and destroy him … ?

… perhaps to avenge Barahir? (just a thought)

For some background, let us briefly cover some more things in the first few pages of The Silmarillion: Of Beren and Lúthien.

Barahir would not leave Dorthonion, and Morgoth pursued him there, until only Barahir and twelve companions remained. They withdrew to the waters of Tarn Aeluin, and made a lair which Morgoth could not discover.

There is an interesting choice of words here.

But the rumour of the deeds of Barahir and his companions went far and wide; and Morgoth commanded Sauron to find them and destroy them.

One might say that because of things like this, Sauron is particularly familiar with the phraseology.

“My brother vowed to seek him out and destroy him, but Sauron found him first.”

Why did Galadriel use those words? Considering how careful the showrunners are with word usage in the show, it is highly probable that this was done on purpose. (Still, we are getting ahead of ourselves. The reason for this will become evident soon).

One of the companions of Barahir was Gorlim, whose wife was Eilinel. Gorlim returned from war, and found that his house had been plundered, “his wife gone; whether slain or taken he knew not.” He fled to Barahir, but held onto the hope that Eilinel was still alive, for he loved her greatly. Occasionally, he would secretly visit his house alone, “and this became known to the servants of Morgoth.”

One day, he thought he saw a light in the window of his house.

[…] coming warily he looked within. There he saw Eilinel, and her face was worn with grief and hunger, and it seemed to him that he heard her voice lamenting that he had forsaken her. But even as he cried aloud the light was blown out in the wind; wolves howled, and on his shoulders he felt suddenly the heavy hands of Sauron’s hunters.

[hunt: another word used by Galadriel, in reference to her pursuit of Sauron]

Gorlim was taken captive and Sauron’s servants tormented him, “seeking to learn the hidings of Barahir and all his ways. But nothing would Gorlim tell.” They promised Gorlim that they would release him, and he should be restored to Eilinel, if he would yield.

[…] and being at last worn with pain, and yearning for his wife, he faltered. Then straightway they brought him into the dreadful presence of Sauron;and Sauron said: ‘I hear now that thou wouldst barter with me. What is thy price?’

And Gorlim answered that he should find Eilinel again, and with her be set free; for he thought that Eilinel also had been made captive.

Then Sauron smiled, saying: ‘That is a small price for so great a treachery. So shall it surely be. Say on!’

Now Gorlim would have drawn back, but daunted by the eyes of Sauron he told at last all that he would know.

Then Sauron laughed; and he mocked Gorlim, and revealed to him that he had seen only a phantom devised by wizardry to entrap him; for Eilinel was dead.

‘Nonetheless I will grant thy prayer,’ said Sauron; ‘and thou shalt go to Eilinel, and be set free of my service.’ Then he put him cruelly to death.

In this way the hiding of Barahir was revealed, and Morgoth drew his net about it; and the Orcs coming in the still hours before dawn surprised the Men of Dorthonion and slew them all, save one.

Sauron was the direct cause of Barahir’s death. The survivor of the slaughter was Beren, for he was sent by his father on a “perilous errand to spy upon the ways of the Enemy, and he was far afield when the lair was taken.” The wraith of Gorlim appeared to Beren in a dream to tell him all that he had done, and urged him to warn his father; but Beren returned too late.

Finrod never swore an oath of vengeance, but guess who did.

[…] Beren buried his father’s bones, and raised a cairn of boulders above him, and swore upon it an oath of vengeance. First therefore he pursued the Orcs that had slain his father and his kinsmen […] and because of his woodcraft he came near to their fire unseen. There their captain made boast of his deeds, and he held up the hand of Barahir that he had cut off as a token for Sauron that their mission was fulfilled; and the ring of Felagund was on that hand.

Then, Beren slew the captain, took the ring, and escaped, “being defended by fate; for the Orcs were dismayed, and their arrows wild.”

Think about the whole Finrod situation from Sauron’s perspective for a moment. In the time that Sauron had Finrod, Beren, and their company captive, would he have expected them to tell him everything? Or would he have actively tried to uncover every detail himself, by doing what he is famous for: seeing?

He could not discover their names or purposes, but we know that he perceived some things about Finrod, and “he deemed that in him lay the secret of their errand.” What else did he perceive? Did he sense that one of them had been sent “on a perilous errand to spy upon the ways of the Enemy” at some point? What if he perceived a vow of some sort? There were a few oaths at work/rumbling under the surface, which Sauron might have considered (knowing the nature, but not the details of each).

1) Finrod’s Oath of Friendship and Aid.

2) Beren’s Oath of Vengeance: Made because of the death of his father. This was not the reason anyone was there, unbeknownst to Sauron.

3) Fëanor’s Oath of Hatred: Repeated by his son Celegorm, after Finrod spoke before his people. Because of what Thingol required, Finrod said to Beren: “[…] it seems that this doom goes beyond [Thingol’s] purpose, and that the Oath of Fëanor is again at work. For the Silmarils are cursed with an oath of hatred, and he that even names them in desire moves a great power from slumber.”

Putting some pieces together, he might have considered: There are oaths at work: one of friendship, one of vengeance, and one of hatred. Which one brought them here? Similar to when Galadriel says this (albeit not for the same reason):

“These Orcs were meddling with the powers of the Unseen World. […] But what was their purpose?”

There is a chance that Sauron noticed (thanks to Thingol naming the Silmarils in desire) that a “great power” was moved from slumber, yet he could not discover their secret, “no matter how much blood he spilt in its pursuit.” But Fëanor’s vow was just looming over everything. Beren’s oath was underneath.

Finrod’s was the reason they were there.

There was enough information and evidence for him to pass on a story to someone who did not know the truth, even if he did not truly believe it himself: The head of this company vowed to seek me out and destroy me. But I found him first.

“[…] I think you only see [Sauron] alone once, when he’s sitting with his pouch, and even then, you see him in conflict. And that’s interesting because […] you look at that scene, and you think, Well, he’s conflicted. He’s just by himself. He’s not showing this to anyone. You could argue that perhaps he is genuinely repentant. But I remember making that scene and thinking: in Middle-earth, there is always someone watching. And the gods are watching, and he fears the gods. […] He doesn’t know that they’re not going to send something to hurt him or defeat him." Charlie Vickers (edited for clarity)

I do not think that in the end, he thought the driving motive of that company was vengeance, but all of the things above certainly gave him room to corrupt the story. But why, and what for?

We ask again: What or who convinced Galadriel of such a twisted account? Why was that backwards version of the story a major reason she became obsessed with finding Sauron? In the end, we see who is able to plant certain ideas in her mind.

Galadriel: “Your task was hunting Sauron.” Sauron: “My task … was to ensure peace. But I learned that was Sauron’s task, as well.”

(To “ensure peace”?)

Remember what two things her obsession hinges on?

“My brother vowed to seek him out and destroy him. But Sauron found him first, and marked his flesh with a symbol. One whose meaning even our wisest could not discern.”

“And there, in the darkness, his vow became mine.”

We shall expound on all of these things in due time. We still have more rhetorical questions to answer.

Again, it seems Sauron really wants Galadriel to figure something out, so he tries to make her stop and think, as he did while they were both in prison. Remember what Charlie said (referring to when Galadriel discovered who Halbrand was):

Do you think he wanted Galadriel to figure it out? "Yes. He’s ready for her to see him for who he is, and he thinks she’s ready to know it." Charlie Vickers, The New York Times

“But Melanie,” saith thee, “if he asked these questions in the workshop, in an attempt to make Galadriel realize who she was talking to, why would he express concern with that very thing, right before the interrogation?”

“You don’t know what I did before I ended up on that raft. You don’t know how I survived; how we all survived. And when these people discover it, they will cast me out. So will you.”

If people discovered exactly what he did, they would probably know who he is. So, he warns Galadriel.

But she did not care. Sometimes to find the light, we must first touch the darkness. Sauron turns around, eyebrow raised, as if to say, Interesting. Are you ready to know the truth? Let me test the waters, and see if you can stop galloping for a moment.

What do you know of darkness? Each question following is an extension therefrom (a.k.a. an answer to the first question). Whose dagger was it, Galadriel? Who is it you lost? What happened to him?

“Oh, so this is about vengeance?”

“One cannot satisfy thirst by drinking seawater.” In other words, No. This is not about vengeance, and Sauron knows that: Do you truly believe this obsession is because of vengeance?

He gets her to verbalize that she is neither bound by a vow of vengeance, nor a task to avenge her brother. After that is out of the way, he pushes Galadriel even further, as if to say: Great! Now, think harder. What is it? Then, he immediately drops a hint.

[To be continued … ]

#the rings of power #sauron #galadriel #charlie vickers #the silmarillion #finrod #blog post #blog #rings of power #chapter 3 #trop meta

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imagineandimagine · 2 years

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Choices chapter 1

Pairing: Joel x You

Waring: None for now but things will get pretty spicy in the next chapter. Fluff.

Summary: Ellie is starting to find the sexual tension between you and Joel really annoying.

It’s been a few months since you ran into Joel and Ellie, you helped them escape the ruins of an abandoned hospital. A bunch of the Infected had cornered them and if you didn’t show them a way out they would have been goners. You had your own reasons for heading west and you could really use the company, so you were now traveling together.

You woke up shivering and gasping for air. Just another one of those nightmares that plagued anyone living in these times. You wiped the sweat off your brow and you glanced to your right and saw Ellie sound asleep in the grass next to you. You looked to your left and you saw Joel with his annoyingly handsome face and broad shoulders, breathing softly in his sleep.

You were growing way too attached to these two, which was a problem because at some point of your journey you would have to go your separate ways, the thought caused a pang in your heart. You shook your head as if that could shake the sad thoughts away and you continued to look at Joel. How dare he look this good even when he’s asleep? You were overcome with an overwhelming urge to run your hand through his hair, you withdrew your hand that seemed to have a mind of it’s own at the last second when you realized that you were actually reaching for him. You sighed as you rested your forehead against you knee. The sun wasn’t up yet, you decided to let them sleep for another hour before you’d have to wake them up.

You yawned loudly as you walked through the abandoned city.

Joel looked at you with concern, “Is it those nightmares again?” he asked.

You shook your head “Don’t worry about it” you said giving him a reassuring smile.

He was about to say something else but Ellie cut in “What’s that?!” she said pointing to a Ferris Wheel in the distance.

It was so sad that a kid like her had no idea what it was, “I think there is an amusement park up ahead, we can check it out,” you said looking over at Joel.

Joel didn’t seem too enthusiastic about the idea.

You gave him a small nudge, “We have to head in that direction anyway so why not just go through the park?”

Joel crossed his arms ready to counter but you subtly squeezed his forearm. “Come on…” you leaned next to his ear so only he could hear “Do it for her.”

Joel’s expression changed to something you could not read, like a series of all kinds of emotions were shooting through him at the same time.

“What are you two whispering about?” Ellie asked sounding annoyed. “You’re always whispering, are you planning to leave me alone again? You think I don’t know what adults do when the sneak off? You two are just a bunch of perverts.”

“ELLIE!” both you and Joel screamed in unison. You didn’t dare look at Joel knowing how red your face probably was at that moment.

Joel rubbed his eyes in annoyance “Ugh! Fine! Let’s go through the amusement park!”

You had to cross a barbed wire fence, Joel jumped over it first, he cursed when he noticed that a part of his shirt got snagged, tearing a small hole in his sleeve. You picked Ellie up and handed her to him over the fence. Joel bent the barbed wire as far as he could and he held out his hand to you. You held his hand as you jumped over the fence without a problem. You landed close to Joel almost bumping into him, you glanced up only to see that he was looking intently at you while still holding your hand. You felt all warm as you looked at each other, you desperately wished he would continue to hold your hand as you walked.

“UUUUUU...!” Ellie mocked .

Joel let go of your hand and cleared his throat. “Let’s keep moving.”

The amusement park was a little more gloomy than you hoped it would be. Most of the rides were falling apart and without people, this place seemed just as much like a ghost town as any other abandoned city.

But even though Ellie tried to play it cool, she seemed to have stars in her eyes as she marveled at the different colors and whimsical structures, she seemed to be happy just to experience something new. Her joyful spirit seemed to be rubbing off on Joel, you could see that every time Ellie asked what something was, he would answer her with just as much enthusiasm. Joel started telling a story about the last time he was at an amusement park but then he suddenly cut it short, as if it was painful for him to finish.

You were so glad that that the amusement park provided a distraction from your everyday life, it’s been a long time since you’ve seen those two smile so much. While Joel tried to explain the appeal of rollercoasters, you couldn’t stop thinking about the comment Ellie made a few minutes ago. You recalled the day when you left Ellie alone safe in a church bell tower, while you and Joel made a supply run. That day certainly brought you and Joel closer. You finally had a moment alone with Joel and you regretted not being more bold in sharing with him how touch starved you were, but alas… you were too much of a chicken shit that day.

You could feel your cheeks getting hot when you noticed Joel looking at you and you realized that he just asked you a question "Did you hear what I said?” he asked with one eyebrow raised.

“Sorry, could you repeat that?”

He pointed at a stall with a ball throwing game, where Ellie was already collecting the balls from the counter.

You took one ball from Ellie “If you knock down all the cans you win a prize. Wanna give it a shot?” you said pointing at the stuffed toys.

Ellie wrinkled her nose. “Or I could just take it.” She said yanking a plush elephant off a shelf, “I’ll tell you what though…Let’s make a deal, if you win you can ask me to do anything you want but if I win… you have to do what I want.”

You and Joel exchanged looks, this was a risky game indeed. Knowing Ellie she could ask something that could put you all at risk and having a grumpy teenager after refusing to comply to her request was just as dangerous.

Ellie knew she had to act fast if she wanted to convince you “You can ask me to do anything! Imagine the possibilities! Deal!?” she said extending her hand.

The way she was pushing the subject made you even more distrustful, what was she planning? But the longer you looked at how excited and happy she looked you were starting to crack.

Joel could sense you giving in but before he could stop you, you grabbed Ellie’s hand and shook it “Deal!”

Joel grabbed your arm and whispered in a hushed but angry tone “What are you doing?!”

“Oh, come on, Joel. When was the last time that you’ve seen her this happy?”

Joel wasn’t giving in so easily “That’s not-!” a ball hit his shoulder.

“Less whispering. More throwing!” Ellie said tossing a ball from one hand to the other.

Apparently Ellie and the other kids used to play this game quite often at the orphanage, they would knock down cans, bottles, anything that they could stack into a pyramid. Ellie confessed this as she won game after game. Suffice to say, you were played. There was no contest.

You sighed with embarrassment knowing how badly you lost, “Well, Ellie… you won fair and square. What do you want?”

Ellie gave you a big grin “Oh, you’ll find out soon enough but for now let’s go get something to eat, I’m starving from winning so much.”

Joel looked at you with his arms folded over his chest and shook his head in a ‘I told you!’ kind of way.

You just shrugged at him. Whatever Ellie was planning, it couldn’t be that bad.

You found three folding chairs that weren’t completely falling apart and you stacked a few boxes into a makeshift table.

Ellie sat in one of the chairs you prepared, she glanced at Joel and decided that he was far enough to be out of earshot. “Now that I have you alone, let’s talk business.” She said to you with a sly smile.

You pretended to be unfazed but you definitely did not like how she said that, “What is it, Ellie?”

“Regarding our little deal... I’m going to give you a choice but one of these choices involves Joel,” she said with a malicious grin.

Author’s note: Thanks for reading! I know this chapter is kind of short but I just couldn’t wait and I really wanted to post something ;) The next chapter should be a lot more spicy if there is enough interest in this series.

#the last of us #joel miller #joel x reader #joel x you #fluff #fic #choices

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casspurrjoybell-33 · 1 month

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Unlikely Places - Chapter 12 - Part 2

*Warning Adult Content*

Chapter: 12 - Tingly Feelings, Again.

I tried to control my expression as I walked into a small conference room obviously set up for this meeting.

Pierce was sitting at the end of the rectangular conference table with two people on his left and one on his right.

There were two chairs remaining.

Mr. Jones took the one at the end of the table, opposite of Pierce, leaving me the seat directly to his right.

Feeling self-conscious I quickly walked towards my chair.

I was not expecting Pierce to stand let alone hold his hand out to me to shake.

"Jackson," he murmured, his eyes flitting over my tense face.

"It's good to see you again."

I flushed as I felt heads turn our way.

I could tell the few people in the room were curious as to when we had met the first time.

With only the slightest of hesitations I did manage to lift my hand and place it in his.

I was so busy worrying about the moist warmth of mine that I wasn't paying much attention.

When his warm dry hand met mine, my insides jumped.

My eyes flew to Pierce's to see if he had noticed.

His lifted brow and half smile said he had.

I gave a nervous cough and withdrew my hand before a proper shake was exchanged but I couldn't help it.

The tingles were multiplying and had graduated to quivers.

It was the last thing I wanted him to know.

If he had continued to hold my hand, he would have felt the pulsing vibrations against his palm.

It was too embarrassing to contemplate.

Pierce gave me one last lingering look, his half-smile still engaged.

For the first time I did not see mockery but genuine humor.

For whatever reason that just made me more nervous.

Thankfully, Pierce turned and introduced me to the room at large.

Any concerns I had he would be anything less than professional were quickly put to rest.

Both my jumpy nerves and I were appreciative.

I learned quickly who I was meeting with.

Amber, the intern who had made the mistake in the email to me and who looked even more pale and trembly than I did.

Then there was Vernon, the manager of this particular project who looked stern and unforgiving and his assistant TJ who looked half-harassed, most likely by Vernon, I figured.

Their expressions weren't exactly comforting.

I figured they were probably as nervous as myself.

I nodded my head in greeting to each.

Only Amber responded with a wobbly smile.

Vernon and TJ didn't appear to feel the need for social niceties.

I didn't mind that.

We weren't friends.

We were here to work.

Pierce indicated I should take my chair as he sat back down in his.

When the meeting began, I was surprised that it was Mr. Jones who led it and not Pierce.

As a matter of fact, as the meeting continued, he didn't say much at all.

He observed.

I felt his eyes on me several times throughout the meeting.

It seemed that every time my eyes strayed towards him, his eyes were trained on me.

It flustered me though I tried to pretend it didn't.

It was especially difficult when it was my turn to talk.

His eyes were definitely focused on me as I spoke.

I have never been more aware of someone watching me as I was as I spoke.

It was nerve racking.

I faltered a few times but for the most part I thought I hid my discomfort well.

The one good thing that did come out of the meeting, for me at least, was learning that it was a known fact by all that I was in no way being held responsible for the delay.

Mr. Jones succinctly sung my praises for discovering and filtering through the erroneous information and getting us back on track.

Vernon looked distinctly displeased as Mr. Jones bragged on me.

He glared first at Amber and then TJ as Mr. Jones went on further to describe where the breakdown occurred and what should be done in future to make sure there was not a repeat.

To my surprise, that was when Pierce interjected and his words took me aback.

"Vernon, I want you to write up a report and a new policy and procedures manual for collecting, storing and distributing data for projects. We can't let these mistakes happen again. We lose valuable time and it gives our competition a chance to get ahead. If they get ahead, we lose."

"Yes, Amber made a mistake," Pierce continued nodding towards the flushed intern.

"But she is an intern. You're in charge. Looking closer Mr. Jones and I, both believe the setup of the information was more at fault than the actual sender. It quickly became apparent to us why she sent the incorrect information. There needs to be a better and more clear system in place."

I watched as Vernon's cheeks darkened to an unbecoming shade of red.

He didn't like being called out.

I could tell he wanted to blame Amber and TJ and I had a feeling that both of them would be on the unhappy end of an ugly conversation when the meeting convened.

What I didn't expect was what came next.

"When you have the information gathered set up a presentation and send it to Jackson. He will evaluate it and get back to you with the changes he wants made. Once that's complete, we will meet again and go over the procedures and discuss any issues then. Have it to him within two weeks."

I sat as still as I could throughout Pierce's instruction.

Though I looked straight forward and at no one in particular I was still able to see from my peripheral vision, Vernon shooting dark not so discreet looks my way.

I hated being put in the middle like this.

I wasn't Vernon's boss and I was half his age.

I could understand his resentment.

He didn't know me so I knew he was wondering why the hell he was now reporting to me.

I had to wonder the same thing.

I looked at Pierce whose eyes were once again trained on me.

I wondered what he was thinking.

This was the man who only a few short days ago was questioning my life choices.

He had questioned whether he should continue to trust me with his sensitive information.

Now he was handing me more.

I couldn't help but feel pleased, even if it also felt awkward given Vernon's reaction.

He was having difficulty containing his ire.

I did notice however it didn't extend to outright confronting Pierce over it.

He swallowed back whatever unpleasant words he wished to say and only nodded his head in acquiescence.

I wondered if I would bear the brunt of his anger later.

He didn't seem like a pleasant guy to begin with.

The meeting hadn't helped.

I dreaded the thought of dealing with him.

I could see the passive aggressive exchanges now and I sighed internally.

I hated dealing with catty manipulative encounters as much as the in your face confrontational ones.

The next few weeks would be interesting and most likely stressful.

Pierce adjourned the meeting and everyone gathered their things and began to walk out of the room.

Vernon, TJ and Amber left first.

They practically bolted.

I was in no less of a hurry but I didn't want to look like I was fleeing.

Mr. Jones's cell-phone rang and he quickly excused himself.

I nodded at Pierce and said a quick goodbye before making to turn away to head towards the door.

I didn't even make a first step before his hand shot out and he grabbed my wrist lightly.

Surprised I stopped and turned back to face him.

"Have lunch with me."

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healthyhorns · 5 months

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Center for Students in Recovery Student Technician Receives National Award

In April, the Association of Recovery in Higher Education (ARHE) announced their annual Collegiate Recovery Awards. These awards recognize ARHE staff and student member efforts and daily work as they seek to improve the lives of students in recovery.

The ARHE is the only association dedicated to exclusively representing collegiate recovery programs and communities. It also advocates for the faculty and staff who support these programs and the students who are part of them.

This year Ellie Morris, a student technician at the Center for Students in Recovery (CSR), was named Collegiate Recovery Student of the Year. This prestigious award honors an undergraduate or graduate student who has displayed excellence in academics and leadership in the field, exceeding the usual expectations of work/study responsibilities.

Director for the Center for Students in Recovery Lilly Ettinger said that award nominations open up in February each year. She knew early on that she wanted to nominate Ellie for Collegiate Recovery Student of the Year.

“Generally, you pick a student who has been outstanding, who shows up, and who has the respect of their peers,” Lilly said. “After I knew we were going to nominate Ellie, we began getting nomination letters ready from myself, other staff, and students.”

Lilly said it was easy to write about Ellie and her accomplishments, both personally and academically, because Ellie’s journey was worth celebrating.

Ellie’s began pursuing her undergraduate degree in biology in the fall of 2017.

“At the time, it probably appeared as though I had it all together,” Ellie said. “It seemed like I was handling myself well.”

Ellie said early on in her collegiate career, she could feel internally that she was hiding her struggles with substance use.

“That is how I had learned to survive,” Ellie said. “It became progressively more difficult when it started to affect my grades and my mental health.”

At the start of the pandemic, Ellie said she experienced a sharp decline in her mental health and it got much worse due to isolation. She had just moved into her own apartment by herself and was often alone.

“I didn’t have a reason to hide it anymore,” Ellie said. “Things really started accelerating at that point. People began to notice that I was making very irresponsible choices. My relationships with friends and family were all rather tumultuous. My grades were slipping.”

Ellie reflected on this difficult time saying that one thing that she will always remember are the professors who reached out to check on her, making sure she was okay.

“People clearly noticed,” Ellie said. “I didn’t respond at the time, but looking back it means a lot to know that they had my best interest at heart and were genuinely concerned.”

Ellie medically withdrew from classes after Spring Break in 2022, after already reducing her course load to part-time earlier that semester.

“It was time to address that my mental health needed attention,” Ellie said. “After being sober for two weeks, I noticed a complete change inside me. It was at that time that I realized the connection between my mental health and substance use."

After living at home and being sober for a year, Ellie decided to come back to UT Austin and finish up her degree.

“In my heart and in my gut, I knew this was something I needed to see through,” Ellie said. “In the summer of 2023, I discovered the Center for Students in Recovery website and connected with Lilly. She was so welcoming and helped me learn more about the services and resources they offered. My parents and I felt a lot more comfortable knowing there would be a support system in place for me when I returned.”

On the first day of classes in August of 2023, Ellie went to the CSR for the first time. By the end of August, she was hired on as a student technician.

CSR Program Coordinator Richie King said Ellie has gone above and beyond as a student employee and has even taken on the role of an officer for the CSR student organization, Students for Recovery.

“Ellie has definitely worn many hats,” Richie said. “From checking students in when they come into CSR, to leading meetings, to being someone that provides an openness to student peers and is there for them in many ways.”

Ellie said she has been open about her experiences and shares her story with students who come into the CSR. She hopes that by doing so, they can connect and release the shame that is often associated with substance use.

“This is all part of my story and it has made me stronger,” Ellie said. “I like to be really open with students so that they can see that they aren’t alone.”

Lilly expressed her immense gratitude to Ellie for her outstanding leadership throughout her time at the CSR.

“I am so proud of Ellie,” Lilly said. “It's so scary to come back to college in recovery, especially to the same college everything went down at. She didn't just like, survive it, she thrived and helped to create and foster an environment where other students can thrive as well.”

After all her hard work both personally and academically, Ellie finished her degree and graduated this spring with a bachelor's of science degree in biology.

Ellie plans to attend the 15th Annual Collegiate Recovery Conference in San Diego this summer where she can accept her award in person. She said she plans to bring her family, along with her mentors Lilly and Richie, to celebrate the occasion.

“It feels really good to be recognized and celebrated,” Ellie said. “I am honestly so proud of myself and how I have changed, and I owe it all to the CSR. I could not have done any of this without them.”

-Erin Garcia, Healthyhorns Outreach and Social Media Coordinator

#health #influencingthelonghornlife #livingthelonghornlife #makeityourtexas #utaustin #youarehere #youchangetheworld #youdoyou #positivity #mental health #recovery #recoveryjourney

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mydissociativediaries · 2 years

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12/15/2022: Escape

I really am addicted to escapism. That's not news to me, but I'm starting to notice how much I do it. It's the first thing that I do when I wake up, I do it throughout the day, and I do it until I fall asleep. Just entertain myself with my little mind movies.

Recently, I've started trying to focus on what I'm doing now (as opposed to running off with a daydream), and I'm like--yeah, there's a reason that I rely on escapism. What's happening in the present moment isn't necessarily BAD, but it's empty. I don't feel like much of anything while my daydreams make me feel intense emotions--not as much as emotions triggered by real-life events, but it's something.

I'm just sitting here, doing nothing. I'm alone. And I guess it's my fault, but it still sucks.

I don't know what my POS sister does all day, and I don't particularly care, but I know that she and her boyfriend live on a decent patch of land (maaaybe a farm? Or farm-adjacent.) She tells my mom about all the animals that they have, including stray cats. I don't know if she has a job right now, but she works part-time here and there. Her boyfriend works full-time at some labor job that I can't remember now.

They play cards with our parents on Friday evenings (believe me, I make it a point to avoid that house until they've left), sometimes hang out with them on weekends and hang out with his family fairly often. They probably have friends and a decent social life (don't know that for sure, but I don't know why they wouldn't, especially since my POS sister is an extrovert.)

They enjoy the holidays, enjoy their lives together, blah blah...they seem like happy people. I don't think my parents ever worry about her besides the worrying that any parent would do.

My mom worries about me, and my dad probably does to a lesser extent (lmao), but it's like...you're a huge part of the reason that I'm nuts in the first place? That I withdrew from everything, including them? That my scumbag sister and I hate each other? They will NEVER admit that. In their eyes, I'm just too crazy and autistic to function.

And they're not doing anything about it, either. Too busy having fun with Mommy and Daddy's Normal Princess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Boy, would they flip their shit if they saw what I'd written above.

But yeah, my life is just...blank. Absolute zero. Escapism helps me get through the day, but I wish every day that I didn't need it.

I won't say that my POS sister's life is perfect because she's had some struggles, including childhood bullying and being in an abusive relationship (not currently), but everything works out for her.

I imagine what it's like when she wakes up in the morning. She probably wakes up in a good mood, thinking about what's ahead of her for the day. Her and her boyfriend have plans to do regular things. He probably goes to work while she does...whatever it is she does, lmao. I genuinely have no idea. Maybe go to work or tend to the household.

He comes home, they hang out together or visit somebody, blah blah...just a regular, happy life. Nothing strange or dark about it. Nothing upsetting. I don't think she's ever felt like dark waters are pooling in the back of her brain.

No escapism. She probably watches TV and scrolls through social media or whatever like a normal person, but it doesn't get to unhealthy levels. She doesn't have anything to escape from!

I hate being like my mother. She's a mirror of myself, and I hate it. Every day. I actually don't know how my sister maintains a relationship with her because she's nuts. But she and my dad seem to live to boost her ego, so I guess that's why, lmao.

I wish I could just crawl into a cave and live far away from all these people forever.

Thanks for reading,

🏡

#childhood abuse #actually abused #actual ptsd #actually traumatized #actually mentally ill #actually autistic #childhood trauma #abuse survivor #abuse survival #entry

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radiant-reid · 3 years

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Lie Detector

A/n: this is the first thing I’ve written not from a request in ages

Summary: One polygraph test reveals how two best friends really feel

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader ( spicy fluff)

Content Warning: tiny mention of prison | Smutty like R16 level

Word Count: 3.0k

Masterlist

Stress was a part of working at the BAU. Between the pressure during each case, flying around the country, and always being on call. It could get exhausting.

They all tried to manage it with their various coping strategies and distractions. But, sometimes, it built up. The constant drain of their emotional tank could leave them without anything left.

Y/n had noticed it happen to Spencer. How he slowly withdrew from discussions with the rest of the team. She could understand why, after the stress of prison and going back to work, there was a lot of reasons why he wouldn't be able to cope.

He was so absorbed in his work he didn't notice the rest of the team leaving for the night. Not noticing Y/n assuring Emily she'd take care of him, still scribbling as she made her way out the door.

"Reid," Y/n called his name for the third time, simultaneously throwing a balled-up piece of paper at him.

Spencer looked like he'd snapped out of a trance, glancing up at her as he held his pen. He turned his head to look around the bullpen, noticing there wasn't anyone else there but them.

"Where's everyone else?" Spencer asked, voice a little hoarse from his lips being drawn together for hours.

Y/n giggled at him lightly. "It's like 9 at night, Spencer. They've all gone home." She informed him.

"Oh." He mumbled, turning in his chair to pack up his things.

Y/n pulled something out of the bottom drawer of her desk, prancing over to Spencer's desk. She placed the bottle of vodka down as she leaned against the side of the desk. "Do you want a drink?" She offered, drawing his attention back to her.

Spencer finished putting his things in his satchel, but he nodded. "Yes, please." He decided.

He usually wasn't one to drink, Y/n knew that, but she felt that if he was more relaxed, he might be able to reveal to her what he was really thinking. After all, a problem shared is a problem halved.

Plus, Spencer much preferred to not drink in bars.

Y/n left his side, coming back with two mugs and screwing open the cap of the bottle.

"Are we even allowed to drink alcohol in here?" Spencer wondered, looking around the room like he was making sure they wouldn't get told off by someone.

Y/n shrugged, pouring the liquor. "Probably not, but I feel like you need it, hon." She replied, moving a hand to push his curls out of his face.

Spencer nodded, reaching out for one of the mugs. "Rossi and Hotch used to drink in his office all the time." He remembered, justifying the action as he took a sip.

"We should." Y/n decided, looking up at the door to Emily's office mischievously.

Spencer followed his eye line, noticing Y/n's smirk and realizing what she meant. "Race you there." He said, quickly getting up out of his chair.

Y/n was faster, picking up the bottle and her own mug as she ran up the steps to Emily's office. She sat in Emily's chair and spun around, so she was facing the door when Spencer walked in.

"Take a seat, Agent Reid." Y/n jokingly instructed, nodding towards the seat in front of her.

Spencer shook his head, laughing at her. "That's Doctor Reid to you." He corrected, smirking as he took his seat.

"Doctor Doctor Doctor Reid." Y/n corrected him further.

Spencer shook his head. "Doctor Doctor Reid is fine, then you can have one, Doctor L/n." He quipped.

"Sure, as long as it's not Mathematics." Y/n accepted, taking a sip of her vodka. "That's way too nerdy."

Spencer scoffed, trying not to spit out his mouthful. "And the other two aren't?" He questioned, quipping an eyebrow in confusion.

"True." Y/n agreed with a laugh. Once their laughter died down, she asked him the serious question that was playing on her mind. "What's up, Spencer?"

"Nothing," Spencer replied, trying to convince her it was the truth. Y/n gave him a sterner look, and Spencer folded. "Just this job, after... you know."

Y/n nodded, reaching out to wrap her hands around his own, which were wrapped around his mug. "I know." She delicately spoke her soft smile a contrast to her previous banter. "You've got to talk about it, Spence. You can't bottle it up." She reminded him. "Even though that brain is so much bigger than everyone else's."

"Brain size actually has a rather insignificant impact on intelligence. Somewhere between 9 and 16 percent variability in general intelligence." Spencer replied factually.

Y/n rolled her eyes at him, moving her hands away from his so she could drink. "Tell me you understand what I mean." She demanded, narrowing her eyes at him.

"I do." Spencer agreed sincerely. "Promise."

Y/n took a minute to read his features, making sure he was being truthful. "Good. I believe you." She decided before remarking, "Sometimes, it's impossible to tell if you're lying or not."

"I'm just such a good poker player," Spencer concluded, flashing her an award-winning smile. A smile she hadn't seen in nearly long enough.

Y/n laughed at him, shaking her head. "You got banned because of your card counting abilities, not because you can lie." She corrected, frowning at him.

"But I can lie, and very well." Spencer counted confidently.

The alcohol had definitely gone straight to his head, just like it was doing to Y/n. The spacy, dizzy feeling sunk in, and they were both feeling good.

"I need to hook you up to a lie detector test or something," Y/n mentioned, looking around the room as if she would find one.

Spencer's eyes lit up, his eyebrows lifting. "Penelope has one." He declared. "It's in her office."

Before Y/n could stop him, Spencer was out of his seat, turning to walk out the door. "Spencer, don't." She called out, unable to stop him as he left for Penelope's Batcave. Spencer walked back into Emily's office, holding the computer with the attached wires. "Seriously?" She questioned. "Are they even effective? Especially when we're drunk?"

"I'm not that drunk," Spencer claimed, stumbling a little as he crossed the room to obscure his point.

"I don't think I need a polygraph to tell that's a lie." Y/n countered, laughing at him as she shook her head.

Spencer playfully glared at her, placing the computer down on the desk and trying to make sense of the cords. "Most psychologists see little evidence that polygraphs are accurate. However, one study suggests they're 85 to 90 % effective. They only record the differences in blood pressure, heart rate, sweating palms, things like that. All of which vary a great deal." Spencer informed her.

"So you want to conduct a science experiment you know is riddled with experimental uncertainty?" Y/n confirmed teasingly.

Spencer nodded eagerly. "Come on, be my lab partner." He urged.

"Fine." Y/n agreed. The cute pout on Spencer's face made it as hard to say no as the alcohol in her system did.

Spencer grinned, his dimples growing deeper. "You're going first, so I can teach you how to use it."

"The thing I let you do," Y/n mumbled, holding out her arm for Spencer to attach the clips to her fingers. She could smell the alcohol on his breath as he wrapped the blood pressure monitor around her upper arm.

"Alright." Spencer finished with the last strap around her chest. He pulled his seat close to her, his knees touching hers from where he sat in front of her. The laptop was on Emily's desk, spun around so they could both read it. He pointed to the line wiggling up and down on the screen. "It's old. The newer ones have more than one line. Pretty much, the more the line moves from the baseline questions, the more a lie." He explained. Y/n nodded, half looking between the screen and Spencer's moving lips.

"Baseline questions, go." Y/n started, trying to keep her pulse steady. It was a lot harder with the alcohol in her system.

Spencer nodded, turning the laptop around so she couldn't see it. "Okay, the questions have to be very specific and have yes or no answers or options. The baseline questions are things I already know to be true or not." He told her before starting. "Is your name correct on your FBI form?"

Y/n nodded. "Yes."

"Have you ever seen a dead body?" He asked, still watching the laptop.

Y/n laughed, assuming he was only joking. "Yes, I have."

"Now lie to me." Spencer requested. "How old are you?"

"21." Y/n offered him a lie.

Spencer scoffed. "You wish." He muttered as he read the chart. "Are you ready for the real questions?" He asked, waiting until Y/n nodded to start. Teasingly, he darted his tongue over his lips, taking his time to think of the perfect question. "Have you ever broken the law?"

"Duh," Y/n replied, able to think of multiple laws.

Spencer nodded at the results before continuing. "Underage drinking?"

"Yes," Y/n stated. "I think you're the only person who didn't despite being very underage at college." Spencer scrunched his nose, huffing. "You really should ask me something interesting. Something I'm likely to lie about." She prompted, trailing off with a smirk. Maybe it was the alcohol or sitting in Emily's chair, but something made her flirty.

"Who's funnier? Me or Morgan." Spencer questioned, finally figuring out he could make her tell the truth about anything he wanted.

Y/n hesitated for a moment, looking away from his eyes. "Morgan."

Spencer didn't even need to check the chart to know she was lying. "You are a terrible liar." He accused.

"Fine. You." Y/n admitted with a groan. The sound of Spencer's drunken laughter made up for it.

Spencer checked the chart, seeing her levels were close to the baseline. "Good girl. Who's better looking?"

"You're prettier, but Morgan's hotter," Y/n replied, trying to avoid the truth.

"Ouch," Spencer commented after one glance at the computer. He placed a hand over his heart to show his hurt.

Y/n rolled her eyes. "Shouldn't have asked then, Reid."

"Fair enough." Spencer agreed with a nod before getting back to his questions. "Have you ever had a sex fantasy about someone in the BAU?"

Y/n spluttered in her sip of vodka, immediately showing her guilt along with the blush on her cheeks. "Yes." She figured there was no point in lying, able to hear the massive amplitude the needle was creating. She was cursing it for revealing her secrets.

"Interesting," Spencer commented, a stupid smirk on his face. "Do you have a crush on anyone?" His next question came.

It wasn't what Y/n expected, almost a 180 turn from his previous question.

Her eyes widened as her brain slowly comprehended she'd have to answer. "I'm not five." She tried to pass it off as a joke, but Spencer kept watching the needle draw. "Fine. Yes, I have a crush. Can it be your turn now?" She pleaded, not wanting to look him in the eye properly.

"One more." Spencer requested, not giving her enough time to process. "Do you ever feel things?" He asked, a seriousness in his tone.

Y/n laughed at his stoic face. "Things?"

"Those warm...feelings. You know?" Spencer tried to explain, dancing around the word. It was definitely a work in his vocabulary, but he didn't want to speak it.

"Have I ever been in love?" Y/n corrected, gazing off past Spencer. He gulped as he nodded, not paying any more attention to the computer. It switched the atmosphere from their drunken banter to something more serious. "Of course, I've been in love." She confirmed, awkwardly, more than ready to get out of the contraption.

Spencer nodded, trying to slow his heart rate as he undid the straps before putting them on himself. "Start with someone you know is true." He prompted, turning the laptop around so Y/n could see it.

"Did you grow up in Las Vegas?" She asked, watching the computer as he replied.

"Yes."

She gave him a short nod before continuing. "Do you hold 3 PhDs?"

"Amongst other things, yes," Spencer replied, smirking at her when she drew her attention away from the screen. "Now, ask me something, and I'll lie." He directed. There was part of him that hoped he'd be able to trick the test, not knowing what secrets Y/n was about to make him reveal.

"Is your favorite color blue?"

"Yes."

After hearing his reply, Y/n watched as the needle flickered further up and down, alluding to his lie.

"Okay, now I can have some fun," Y/n said, smirking at Spencer as a warning for the interrogation she was about to lead. "Was it really Luke who broke my favorite coffee cup?"

Spencer cringed, trying everything he knew that could make him seem innocent. "No." Even his voice betrayed him, jumping up. The needle also jumped up and down as Y/n shook her head, a disappointed look on her face. "I'm sorry." Spencer pleaded before she could tell him off. "I'll buy you a new one."

The stern look fell off Y/n's face as she laughed. "This makes you more truthful than alcohol. I love it." She stated. "Also, you better apologize to Luke for taking the blame." Spencer nodded guiltily. "Have you ever...had kinky sex?"

"You've got to be more specific." Spencer reminded her not because her question was phrased in a way he couldn't answer but because he didn't want to answer it.

Y/n blushed when she realized what specific meant. She didn't know why it felt like she was being tested. "Tied someone up?"

That wasn't too embarrassing for him to admit to. "Yes."

"Used your FBI handcuffs?" She continued with her line of questioning, unsure how he could be so confident looking.

Also not something Spencer was afraid she'd think was weird. "Once or twice."

"Now that is a lie." Y/n declared, watching the needle move vigorously. "So what is it? More than once or twice or no?"

Spencer knew he couldn't have been smart that he should have just answered the question with a yes or no. "More than once or twice." He informed her, dropping his head so she couldn't see his reaction.

"Look at you. You're doing good at this." Y/n cooed, having fun being the one in control. "Have you ever put someone over your knee and sp-"

Spencer cut her off before she could continue. "I think I'm done with questions." He declared, preparing to take the clip off.

Y/n snatched his hands away before he had the chance. "No, you can't. I'm just starting to have fun." She pleaded, earning a huff from Spencer. "But you knew what I mean." She told him cheekily.

"Nope," Spencer said, not wanting to think about it.

"That is a lie." Y/n read off from the chart.

How had he forgotten he was hooked up to the machine? He knew the way to wipe the teasing expression off her face. "I won't hesitate to put you over my knee if you don't move on to your next question."

Blush filled her cheeks as she looked at the almost unwavering line. She gulped before continuing. "Have you ever been in love?"

"Yes."

Maybe it was because he was telling the truth or the alcohol, or how he was looking at her like she was the only thing in the room, but something pushed her to ask her next question. "With me?" Her voice was squeaker than she would have liked and filled with concern. When he said no, she was just going to say she was joking, she decided.

Spencer's heart rate instinctively went up, not wanting to let go of his biggest secret. He could imagine the intense wavering if he lied, so he tugged the stupid thing off his finger.

Y/n didn't try to stop him, worried she'd crossed a line. Things weren't going to be the same without her and Spencer's banter, something she really didn't want to happen.

Guilty, she shut the laptop, looking down at her lap. "I'm sorry, I shouldn-"

Spencer tilted her head up before she could finish her apology, his left hand not leaving her jaw. All she saw for a few moments was his wide brown eyes.

Then, before she could think about it, his lips were on hers. It was all too quick, over before she could really feel his passion. Still, her lips tingled as she pulled away, hesitantly making eye contact with him.

Spencer, although he looked collected, was freaking out internally. Sure, she had taken a bit of a risk in her question, but he had just kissed his best friend. Someone he didn't even know felt the same way.

"Sorry, I-"

It was Y/n cutting him off that time. Reattaching their lips with all the passion she had building up inside her. Her hands went to his hair as he held her face, kissing her deeper. He tasted nice, like vodka with a little bit of sweetness. But, more than that, he felt like home to her.

Spencer moved his hands to her hips, desperately pulling her onto his lap. He wasn't even embarrassed about it, just desperate to show her how much he loved her.

Unfortunately, oxygen was something they both needed to function.

They were only looking at each other as they detached their lips, figuring out what to say while trying not to get lost in each other.

"I love you." Spencer declared, not wanting it to be a secret for another moment.

"I could tell." Y/n cheekily replied with a matching grin. "I love you too." She said much more seriously.

It only took one glance at his lips for Spencer to know what she wanted.

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queenshelby · 3 years

Text

Just Friends – Part 10

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Words: 3,412

Warning: Smut, Pregnancy

***Breaking the News***

After you told Cillian that you needed to talk, his heart skipped a beat. After bad experiences with his ex-girlfriend and ex-wife, he was prepared for the worst.

After taking a deep breath, he sat down right next to you on the lounge and, without words, he waited for you to say something.

But you struggled to find the words despite the fact that you ran over this scenario over and over again in your own mind all day.

Instead of saying anything, you broke out in tears again. Cillian immediately wrapped his arms around you and reached for the box of tissues on the coffee table in front of him.

‘Y/N, you are worrying me. You need to tell me what’s wrong’ he said calmly while holding you close.

‘I am pregnant Cilly’ you suddenly blurted out while you were still crying heavily and, as soon as you said it, Cillian sighed. But it wasn’t a sigh of frustration but, rather, a sigh of relief.

Despite his initial reaction, his words were caught in his throat. He didn’t say anything to you. He didn’t know what to say and it was clear to you that he was in shock.

‘Fuck’ he then simply murmured before abruptly getting up from where he was sitting. You could see his mind ticking over as he walked to the kitchen and returned with a glass of whiskey for himself and a glass of sparkling water for you.

You didn’t know what to make of his reaction as he sat back down next to you. He never drank spirits and the only reason you had a bottle of whiskey in the house was because he was gifted it for his 40th birthday.

The glass must have contained at least four shots, no ice and he drank almost half of it within less than thirty seconds.

His eyes were empty, looking into the unknown and you gently took his hands into yours.

‘Can you please say something Cillian’ you said calmly as you had stopped crying.

‘I am sorry Y/N, it’s just…’ Cillian said, unable to find his words but finally looking at you.

‘How?’ he then went on to ask as his mind kept working on digesting the news.

You couldn’t help but laugh about his question and responded the only way you could.

‘How do you think?’ you chuckled, causing Cillian to chuckle as well.

‘You know what I mean’ he then went on to say before drinking the rest of his whiskey.

‘I think that night at my parent’s house…’ you went on to explain before, again, losing your words. ‘I am so sorry Cillian, this is all my fault. I am such an idiot’ you went on to say, knowing that he made it clear to you that he didn’t want any more children.

‘Y/N, stop!’ Cillian responded, his hands caressing your face. ‘It takes two people to make a baby. I knew that you had forgotten your pill and, as hard as it would have been, I could have said no that night. So please, allow me to take some responsibility for this too, eh’ Cillian said calmly before attempting to kiss you, but you pulled away.

‘Babies…’ you said nervously.

‘What do you mean?’ Cillian asked confused.

‘I am pregnant with twins Cillian’ you said, laughing and crying at the same time.

Cillian’s chin dropped, his eyes widened and he began to chuckle. For about twenty seconds, there was an awkward silence between you while Cillian looked at you.

‘We need a bigger house and I need another glass of whiskey’ he then suddenly said, causing you both to laugh before, finally, sharing your first kiss in three weeks.

‘You know there are options Cillian. I know you said that you didn’t want anymore children and I am prepared to…’ you said, but Cillian silenced you before you could say anything else.

‘No, I couldn’t Y/N, please’ Cillian said with worry.

‘I love you, you know that?’ you said, relieved by Cillian’s decision and the fact that he wanted you to keep the babies.

‘I know and I love you and our growing family’ Cillian chuckled before pressing his lips onto yours.

The kiss soon became heated and you totally forgot about everything else but Cillian’s lips on yours and it wasn’t long until you climbed onto his lap and could already feel his raging erection against you.

‘Sorry…it’s been three weeks’ Cillian chuckled, knowing that you would probably not be in the mood for sex.

But, of course, he was wrong. You could never leave your hands of Cillian for very long and you were used to this sort of reaction from him as, usually, as soon as you kissed passionately, the desire between his legs grew. It was almost like he was in his twenties again, which often made you joke about it.

‘I need to have a shower Cilly’ you smirked in between kisses while you were grinding yourself against him.

‘Mind if I join?’ he grinned and, just like that, you took his hand and pulled up him towards the bathroom.

***In the Shower***

In a haste, you both got undressed and got inside the large shower, hoping that, this time, the hot water wouldn’t run out.

Pretty much as soon as you entered the shower, Cillian took the bar of soap and rubbed it gently across your shoulders and back. He lathered up his own hands, placed the soap back on the shelf, then went to work. Starting at your shoulders, Cillian massaged the creamy suds into your smooth skin, listening contently to your satisfied murmurings as his fingers worked their magic against your flesh. He worked every inch of your shoulders, pressing hard against your supple muscles, causing you to lean against the shower wall, your forearms now stopping you from falling forward.

Slowly, keeping to the same mix of massage and gentle caress, Cillian worked his way downwards, following the natural curve of your spine, across your midriff, towards your pert little ass. He grabbed the bar of soap once more and started to lather up your cheeks and upper thighs.

‘Hmm’ you moaned as Cillian finally ran his soapy hands in between your thighs.

You had spread your feet slightly and were pushing your ass out against his hands, trying your best to direct his attention to where you wanted it.

Cillian was never one to turn down an invitation and soon nudged his fingers gently against your now tingling sex.

He could feel you responding to his every touch. Intentionally, you were moving your body against his hands, moaning every time he touched your mound.

‘I missed this’ you moaned as Cillian continued, running his fingers against your outer lips, massaging gently at your puffy folds.

Cillian changed his position, pressing his hips hard up against your ass, his cock now pointing to the ceiling, sandwiched between your bodies. At the same time, he moved his hand around to the front of your legs, and once more delved between them, searching for your sodden sex. You were moaning continually, still soft but now more passionately, as he drew his middle two fingers along your innermost lips, tracing lines from your opening forward towards your clit. He would stay there for a moment, rubbing firmly at your hard bud, listening to your panted breath as you felt every nerve ending burst into life, then return to the gentle stroke along your sodden sex.

‘Cillian I need your cock inside me, please’ you moaned as he was teasing you. You were desperate for him.

‘Patience babe’ Cillian whispered as he worked his two fingers in and out of your sodden pussy, keeping a shallow but fast motion. He knew what you wanted, and that it wasn't his two fingers, but you were going to have to beg for it.

‘Cillian please’ you moaned as you were getting ever more desperate in your pleas.

He stopped moving his fingers and stood there for a moment, listening to your panted breath, feeling the tightness of your walls against his invading digits. You were trying as best as you could to rock your own hips against his hand, but Cillian held you firm.

‘Fuck me Cillian, please’ you practically screamed.

Cillian chuckled and removed his hand from between your legs. He couldn't resist a quick lick at his fingers, savouring the taste of your sweet juices, before taking a step or two away from you. Cillian placed a hand on each of your hips, then pulled firmly at them, forcing you to take your own couple of steps backward, your ass now pointing out towards him.

Cillian positioned himself, his cock now pointing straight towards your sodden sex, mere inches from nudging into your swollen lips. You still had your forearms firmly against the shower wall for balance, although now you had your hands together and your head nestled into them as you waited for his onslaught.

‘Ah, please’ you gasped as he brought his cock forward, letting his head graze gently against your sweet sex.

For a moment or two, he rocked back and forth, his cock simply rubbing against your slick folds, teasing at your inner most sex but never quite realising your desires. You would push back, trying to catch the very angle which would send him sinking deep into your waiting pussy, but never quite making it.

You had enough of Cillian’s games. You were panting hard and reached down with one hand, taking him by surprise. You took purchase on his cock, positioning it just where you wanted it, with his head right over your aching pussy. Then, before he had any chance to pull away, you pushed your hips backwards, gasping as you plunged yourself onto his waiting cock.

‘Now, fuck me’ you demanded as you heard Cillian groan behind you.

Cillian wasn't slow on the uptake, and as you pushed backwards, he in turn thrust forward, burying his cock to the hilt inside you. He took a firm grip on your hips, then slowly withdrew, all the way until just his head wedged into your opening. Once more, to the tune of a passionate groan, he plunged back into you. Over and over, he continued, pulling out slowly, then thrusting hard back in, listening to your moans.

‘Fuck yes’ you screamed each time he plunged into you.

Cillian soon picked up the pace, pulling out quickly then plunging back in, pummelling into you over and over again. You were meeting him, move for move, your ass slapping into his body with an audible clap. Faster and faster, he picked up the pace, his own breath now coming in pants as he worked your sex.

You could feel his every inch move within your tight walls, rubbing at your most sensitive spots, pushing you closer and closer to your release.

‘Yes, oh god. There, right fucking there. Don't stop’ you moaned, your walls tightening around Cillian’s cock.

‘Fuck Y/N, you feel so fucking good’ Cillian moaned in response, getting closer and closer to his own release. You were now both panting hard, moans subsiding as exertion took over. You could feel the ache deep inside, a tremble now in your legs as the passion grew in intensity.

‘Fuck Cillian, yes’ you moaned as, finally, your orgasm washed over you. A wave of pure pleasure engulfed you as you pressed your head hard against your arms. Your legs wobbled with the intensity of your orgasm, yet still Cillian continued, pushing on towards his own climax.

Your screams and the contraction of your tight walls sent Cillian over the edge as well and, with one loud groan and three more thrusts, he filled you with his warm cum.

‘Fuck I missed you’ Cillian panted as he pulled out of you slowly, causing some of his cum to run down your legs.

‘Looks like we'll have to freshen up once more’ you giggled as you noticed before kissing him passionately.

***Thunderstorm***

After you had passionate shower sex, you decided to take round two into the bedroom.

Just as you entered your bedroom, you could hear the thundering outside. The lightening strikes were evident through the window and you knew what that meant.

Just as expected, while Cillian was kissing you and your back landed on your large bed, you heard a loud cry from Max’s room following yet another loud thunder outside.

‘Oh no’ you sighed while Cillian chuckled, giving you another quick kiss before he got off you and quickly put on his pyjamas. You did the same and walked into Max’s room, comforting him just as a lightening strike hit a nearby house, resulting in a loud bang.

Moments later, you heard Charlie cry as well and Charlie instantly woke up his brother Hendrix.

Cillian was quick to check on them both and, before you knew it, both of you were carrying the youngest boys into your bedroom as the thunderstorm continued on. Hendrix quickly followed and you knew that you were in for a long night in a very crowded bed.

‘Dad?’ Charlie said quietly as Cillian put him next to Max and Hendrix, in the middle of the large bed.

‘Yes’ Cillian said quietly.

‘I missed you’ Charlie went on to say and Max was quick to tell him that he missed him as well.

‘I missed you too guys. Now we need to get some sleep, alright?’ Cillian said.

There you were, in your bed with three children, four doonas and five pillows when, what you were wanting so desperately, was a romantic and fun filled night with your boyfriend.

***Happy Birthday***

After a restless night, you woke at around 8am only to find that your once so crowded bed was now empty.

You quickly got up and walked downstairs and into the kitchen.

‘Oh my god, how good is that?’ you smiled as you saw that Cillian was making pancakes and Max, Charlie and Hendrix were helping him.

All three of them were already showered and dressed and a cup of hot coffee was waiting for you.

‘Happy Birthday’ Cillian and the boys said collectively and you quickly received a large box filled with artwork the boys had made together for you.

The boys then handed you flowers and another present which Cillian had bought for you.

‘Jesus Cilly, can you please not spend that much money on presents for me’ you said after you opened the present, revealing a beautiful necklace and earrings from your favourite shop.

‘I love you…thank you’ you then went on to say before giving him a kiss.

Over breakfast, you decided to take the kids to the museum that day and Cillian informed you what he had planned for the evening.

‘I asked your grandmother to look after the boys tonight so that I can take you out for your birthday’ Cillian explained.

‘Are we not taking the boys?’ you asked surprised.

‘No, just us’ Cillian said as he was cleaning up the plates and cups from the breakfast table.

‘Where are you taking me?’ you asked intrigued.

‘It’s a surprise’ he was quick to respond.

You liked surprises and didn’t dare to question him any further. Instead, you had a quick shower and got dressed while Cillian was getting the boys ready for the museum.

The day at the museum was exciting and you went to lunch thereafter.

By around 6 o’clock, your grandmother arrived to look after the boys and you got dressed in a beautiful short black dress.

Cillian was wearing jeans and a navy-blue buttoned shirt. You never told him but you thought that he looked incredible with his peaky haircut. It suited him.

***Another Surprise***

At around 7 o’clock you pulled up in front of a factory building in the new arts district of Dublin.

‘I’ve heard about this place’ you said with excitement as you had read about a new restaurant in the area a few weeks ago.

‘I know, you told me about it when we skyped last week’ he winked. Of course, he remembered, he always did.

‘Where are all the other people?’ you asked as you walked into the restaurant which is when you were taken to a private dining area.

The dining area was simply stunning. There was a single table in the middle of a wine cellar. The table was surrounded by large stands of candles and on top of the table there were some native flowers. In the background you could hear gentle jazz music.

You adored rustic places like this in Ireland and, whilst you had read about this particular restaurant, you didn’t know that it wasn’t yet open. It only recently had been refurbished.

‘There are no other people. The restaurant isn’t actually opening until next week’ Cillian explained.

‘Uhm, so why are we here then? There is food, right?’ you giggled but your question was answered as the owner of the restaurant greeted you and Cillian.

Cillian explained that he knows the owner of the restaurant from Cork. According to him, he used to date Cillian’s younger sister and Cillian had bought shares in the restaurant a few months ago.

After some short conversation, the restaurant owner explained the dishes he had prepared for you for the occasion before handing you the wine list.

‘I am sorry, I didn’t know that you won’t be able to drink’ Cillian chuckled as you pouted when looking at the wine list.

‘Still, this is probably the most romantic birthday ever. Thank you’ you smiled.

‘You are welcome’ Cillian smiled and, just as you began to talk some more about the recent news, the entrees arrived.

Over the course of an hour, you received plenty of delicious food to share and enjoyed each other’s company and, just after you finished your dessert, Cillian got up from his chair and took your hand quite suddenly.

‘Common, I show you something’ he said and you followed him through yet another wine cellar before he took you upstairs of the industrial complex.

‘What is amazing about this buildings is that you can see the whole of Dublin from up top’ Cillian said as you walked up three flights of stairs.

The building was located right on the Liffey and you could just imagine how amazing all the old buildings nearby would look from the top of the old converted factory. Usually, at night, all the old buildings and churches were lid up in different colours making it even more beautiful.

‘This is truly amazing Cillian’ you said as you finally reached the top and looked over the beautiful Dublin city landscape. But the city lights wasn’t what caught your eyes initially. What was even more spectacular than the city views was the fact that the rooftop itself was lid beautifully with candles and the floor was covered with rose petals.

‘You are such a romantic Cilly’ you giggled as you looked around and Cillian reached for both of your hands just as you were staring at him, thinking how lucky you were to have him.

‘I may have asked you up here under false pretences’ Cillian said quietly as his eyes gazed into yours.

‘What do you mean?’ you asked and, just as you did, Cillian dropped onto one of his knees while continuing to hold your hands.

‘I know that we haven’t been together for that long but I love you more than I have loved anyone else. I cannot imagine a life that doesn’t have you in it and I want to spend the rest of it with you’ Cillian said nervously as he reached for his pocket with one of his hands, causing you to take in a deep breath.

‘Y/N…would you marry me?’ he then asked as he held out the ring that Max had picked in Birmingham three weeks ago.

‘Oh my god’ you said as you broke out in tears. ‘Yes Cillian…yes, of course I will marry you’ you said with excitement, holding out your hand so that Cillian could place the ring onto your finger.

It fit perfectly and Cillian got up, pressing his lips onto yours.

‘I love you so much’ you said as your lips drifted apart momentarily.

‘And I love you’ Cillian smiled before giving you another kiss.

To be continued in August 2021

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#cillian murphy #cillian murphy smut #Cillian Murphy x Reader #cillian murphy imagine

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eirikaanemo · 3 years

Text

The Eastern Wind

Venti x GN!Wind Sprite!Reader

1.4k Words

Warnings: none

While you knew it was coming, the fight with Dvalin was terrifying for you. There was only so much you could do as a simple wind sprite. Diverting a gale just enough here, adding a little more force to an attack there, small things that you hoped would make a difference. All you could do was hope it would be enough.

The battle was long and hard. Dvalin, though corrupted, was still a dragon, and formerly one of the four winds. His attacks were powerful and you are very lucky that everyone survived. It was a miracle, though, well, everything Venti gets involved in technically counts as a miracle.

And isn’t that a strange thought? For all the time you’ve spent with him, and the two of you have been inseparable for years, he has never really acted like the anemo archon. But ever since Dvalin started attacking as Stormterror he’s been acting the part more and more. On the one hand, it’s good that he’s stepping up to help his people. On the other, it just reminds you how little you feel you really know him.

The day he asked you to wait outside a forest clearing while he tried to talk with Dvalin was the first time you saw this happen. And you’ll never tell him, but it crushed you that he left you behind to go do his ‘archon stuff’. A sense of doubt and worry hit you then that hasn’t left you since. Are you not good enough?

Eventually you decide that he must be trying to protect you because he knows how weak you are. There’s some truth to it. But it still hurts to be suddenly left out and left behind so often. So during the times he ditches you to run off, you start training and trying to build power. That’s how you were able to help with Dvalin at all.

Yet it wasn’t enough. You doubt anyone even noticed your efforts considering how little they probably did. And still, your friends prevailed. Dvalin was freed from the control of the Abyss Order and would no longer be attacking Mondstadt. Everyone is safe now.

Which leads you to now, where most everyone has headed back to town but you linger behind. You see, Venti asked everyone to go on ahead while he hangs back with Dvalin for a moment to talk to him about something. However, you stopped a good ways away instead. Far enough that you couldn’t eavesdrop, but close enough that you’d be able to make the journey back with him. After all, with all this insanity going on, he’d had less and less time with you and you wanted to make up for that as soon as possible.

By the time he finished with Dvalin you had fallen asleep on a low hanging tree branch. Despite your training, doing so much has drained your energy quite a bit. You had tried really hard to stay awake at first but the longer he took, the easier it was to justify just resting your eyes for a little longer.

You wake up to calloused hands picking you up and placing you somewhere warm. “You must have tired yourself out helping today,” someone commented. “I wonder where you learned to do something like that.” Letting out a sleepy hum, you curled up and fell back asleep.

Venti smiled softly as he made sure you were secure on his shoulder between his shirt collar and the collar of his cape. “It was quite impressive,” he mused to himself. “Not even I could have done something like that in your state. It took the belief of a good dozen people for me to be able to reach that level.” He hummed thoughtfully to himself, thinking back on his conversation with Dvalin.

While they had taken the time to catch up, he also had a specific reason for why he wanted to speak with Dvalin. It had been years since Dvalin withdrew from being the East Wind. And considering how things have gone recently, Venti came to the conclusion that his spot needs to be filled.

“I know you haven’t been the East Wind in a while, Dvalin. But before I appoint a new one, I want to make sure that you’re okay with it.” Venti said. Dvalin gave him a funny look. “Of course I’m okay with it. It’s not my position any more and from recent events it’s obvious that Mondstadt needs more active protectors.”

Venti let out a breath he hadn’t even known he was holding. “Alright, if you’re sure,” he replied. The conversation had ended soon after and he bid his friend goodbye. Finding you so nearby was not surprising to him, he knew you after all. And he knew you had missed him a lot with all the running off he’s been doing lately. He felt bad about it, but you being there could have messed things up and things were already so messy.

But there’s no time like the present to make up for lost time, and it’s not like he hadn’t missed you too. Not to mention how he has a surprise planned for you. That, however, would need to wait until you woke back up. So he headed up to windrise and amused himself by playing some songs until you woke up.

Once you did wake up, with a little yawn that he had always thought was just adorable, and lifted off from his shoulder, he gave you a smile. “Did you sleep well?” He asked. “I hope you did, you deserved every second of it. Thank you for your help today.” You let out an embarrassed chirp, followed by a grateful coo.

“Speaking of your help,” he continued. “You did very well today considering your circumstances! And so I’d like to make you an offer.” You tilt your head to the side curiously. “How would you like to be the new East Wind?”

He had to catch you before you fell to the ground, frozen in shock. “Is that a yes or a no,” he teases you. Shaking out of your surprise, you tilt your head in question. Are you sure? You seem to ask. “Absolutely certain,” he assures you. “I wouldn’t want it to be anyone else. We’ve been companions for a long time and I trust you with my life. Who better to entrust the people of Mondstadt too? And don’t worry, with the position I’ll give you a blessing that will help you increase your ability. You will be able to take a human form, too!”

It’s the last part that really sold it. You’d wanted a human form for a long time now, though you would have taken the position anyways. This was just a huge bonus. Looking him in the eyes, you nod your head determinedly. “Alright,” he says. “Let’s do this.”

He holds out his hands, prompting you to land on them. When you do he brings you in close to his heart and places a chaste kiss on the top of your little hood. Your whole self feels cool and silky soft. If your eyes were open you would see yourself glowing a brighter shade of turquoise.

Quickly, he sets you on the ground next to him as you start growing. When you open your eyes, you find yourself in a human form. You’re wearing the same hooded cloak as you do in your sprite form with a tunic and soft trousers beneath it. You can hardly believe it, it feels like a dream.

“What do you think?” Venti asks from beside you. Looking over at him, you smile. “This is amazing!” You tell him. At the sound of your own voice you are shocked again and Venti laughs at the look on your face. When you hear him laughing at you, you pout a bit. “This is all new to me,” you remind him. “Hopefully I won’t mess anything up. This is a huge responsibility, after all.”

Taking your hand in his, he squeezes it lightly. “I’m sure you’ll do great. I wouldn’t have picked you otherwise.” He assures you. It takes more than that for you to adjust to your new role, but he’s by your side the whole time. And though it gets difficult, neither of you would take back anything.

#eirika writes #venti #genshin venti #venti x reader #genshin impact x reader

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benevadeca · 3 years

Text

Rewatching house 3 days after seeing it for the 1st time and things noticed//more thoughts on the themes of it etc. literally me examining it line by line like ugh i get it. the symbolism the cinnamontopography. also GOD all of this ended up being ONLY for part 1 hhhh i'll make a seperate post for the other parts actually:

"I see your father in you, it's a weakness" > explicitly by attempting to NOT be like his father/falling for his relative's peer pressure that causes him to do exactly what his dad did to him (neglect and leave his children worse off than they would've been otherwise)

Penny rights! I know this is a daddy problem's focused story but I do enjoy that while she falls quite easily into the deferential passive mother-figure she does have a bit more will to her than is first apparent. That she's the reason her kid's manage to escape the house/minimizes the consequences of the inevitable spiral of intergenerational trauma presented by the father (poverty to orphanhood is better than poverty to dying and being dead probably)

I think she's very interesting. Like she has some awareness of what isn't right but she still falls for it. (Sitting at the sewing machine after staying up all night- "i've got so much work to do" when before she'd work together with Mabel on chores / "Isobel don't touch that" subconscious awareness of its danger when it's related to her kids but not herself) I think her silence on everything that happens (several scenes where Raymond is a speaking agent and she's just silent beside him) is the most telling? Like very Feminine Mystique failure of women to be given the opportunity for identity outside of wifehood and maternal identity (this 2nd one being kind of secondary and idk how to describe how it ties into her complicitness in the neglect of her daughters but ehhhh) yeah obvs not something the narrative focuses on but regardless is does pervade the plotline implicitly....

but yeah anyway uhhh maybe something like her falling for the pretty lie, but still working within her own means to try and provide something real? tangible? because it was her curtains that helped them escape in the end. also her being the one who still had the sense to tell her kids to escape

Furniture as a motif in part 1 maybe? like it's also in the other two a bit but not used quite how it was in the 1st. the 2nd is more abt technology and the 3rd is more widely general w/ the whole repurposing things. but yeah part 1 uhhh

furniture that's passed down through generations, the dollhouse: things that connect you with your loved ones, all the furniture in the new house taking their places, being "designed by the architect" not as things with sentiment with history but as objects to own. Again parallels his relatives comments on the dresser thing, them only seeing it as a statement piece VS raymond "it was my father's" seeing the value of it as something more.

THE ROOM LITERALLY NAMED "WITHDRAWING ROOM" the room where they withdrew from themselves one another their children their previous lives values feelings. this movie makes me want to eat plaster. also it being "right across" from the dining room and the recurring themes of indulgence/desire/gluttony like why don't you shoot me in the head actually i would feel less deranged.

I feel like windows are a pretty interesting recurring motif thru the whole movie and not just part 1 but IDK the words for it

PT 1: relatives looking out the carriage window > architect through the carriage window > actor standing in the window before coming into the house

also the more obvious progresses from looking upward at the work on the new house thru the window // Mabel seeing their old house down below (in the dark of the night) > a room blocking the view (you're trapped now kids!) > the house getting destroyed (in the light of the day)

Also Penny specifically relating to this. Her theme of curtains- seeing the windows left bare so she'd have something to make busy with (prove her own value, the value of her work to make a home, which she ends up distracted from the moment she neglects her kids ofc and it becomes more the work to make beautiful, superficially). But also it again being her that allows them to escape out the window, they physically climb down her transformed body to escape.

The scene w/ raymond looking out the window as well! Something about the house contrasted at night VS in the daytime maybe? Windows are something that narrow your vision, only show you a limited perspective. But also the house at night is more dangerous kind of, because where would you be in the dark but at home? The night is where danger lurks (where raymond was first tempted) (but also like. the dark of the upstairs where the kids got lost, the metaphor is losing me but anyway)

Still thinking of light as a recurring metaphor, as desire, as something mesmerizing that can cloud your view // combined with it being easy to miss the reality of your situation if you fail to step back and look at it from a further perspective.

everyone standing in awe of the house but it's only Mabel who takes a moment to look away and see the actor hiding in the corner. Also her when they're in the house, everyone blinded by the house itself but only she sees all the other workers at play. Something something being blinded by what's in front of you you fail to see what's around you.

#mine #the house 2022 #lb #i am simply word salading my way thru this liveblog the hyper is fixating

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wishingtobeinadifferentuniverse · 3 years

Text

My Lady (Boromir x Fem!Reader)

Warnings: Fluff, fighting

Word Count: 1719

Requested: @thespiritoflife

A/N I really liked writing this, and I hope you enjoy it! I figure it was about time to write for Boromir. For some reason, my first thought went to the Rohan, I don’t know why, so yeah, enjoy a person from Rohan falling for the captain of Gondor lol. Also, screw canon, Boromir lives y'all.

“So, this is the Captain I’ve been hearing about lately, fighting in all those battles,” I leaned over the counter, handing a mug to the rugged, handsome man across from me. He shook his dirty blond hair out of his face, smiling.

“I suppose that would be me,” He said modestly. “But really, you should see my companion Aragorn in action, he is the best out of everyone.” I was surprised with the way he talked about this other person, rather than talking about himself. Most of the men I have talked to were like that. I looked into his eyes, searching for any hint of malice or dishonesty, but he was being truthful. He meant it. I was surprised, but after all, I should expect nothing less from a man of honor.

I smiled cheekily. “Well, I guess I should then. Tell me, a fine man like yourself must have a sweet lady at home. She’s very lucky to have someone like you,” I blurted out without thinking.

He choked a little on his drink and wiped his mouth before smiling again. “Well my lady, you would be surprised to hear that this is not the case. I wish I had something like that, but not just one that sits at home.” He winked, and I hid a giggle, still embarrassed about what I said.

“Now, go enjoy your drink, Captain.” The minute he turned around, I cursed myself for being so forward. This was one of the reasons I wasn’t married yet, and my mother definitely liked to tease me about it. Very well, I went back to cleaning mugs, as the joyous noise swelled. Everyone was celebrating, for good reason, after all, these men helped to save us from ruin and despair. It was terrifying at Helm’s Deep, all of us women and children were shoved into the caves. Well, most of them...

The night began to draw to a close as the noise dwindled down. But there was still the hint of celebration in the air, and I smiled for the sake of it. A few people came back for their last drinks, and drunken steps followed. One person came back, that I had hoped to not see again. Alas, the Captain of Gondor stopped in front of me, not quite taken by drink and exhaustion.

“Enjoyed the party?” I asked, cleaning up the last of the drinks. He grinned and nodded. “Glad to hear it,” I said, avoiding his gaze. I was still embarrassed about what happened earlier, and I really hoped it wouldn’t come up.

Instead, he brought up something else. “I never got your name,” he said, moving his hand on top of mine. My stomach flipped over, how was his touch so intoxicating? I barely knew him.

I swallowed the butterflies, and replied confidently, “My name is y/n. And I must admit, I have heard so much about you, but I’m not even sure as to what your name might be. It is Boromir, am I correct?”

“Yes, that would be me. Y/n, such a beautiful name.” He spoke thoughtfully, and my breath caught in my throat. We talked a bit more, but I slowed the conversation down.

I withdrew my hand from his and went back to cleaning mugs. I couldn’t get involved with him, he was basically a prince after all. An emotion I couldn’t quite interpret flashed through his face, but he quickly stood up, understanding I wanted to be alone.

“Well, my lady y/n, I do hope we meet again.” He nodded his head and walked away.

As soon as he turned a corner, I slumped down behind the counter. I knew that I could not be with him. I was just a woman of Rohan, nothing else. But there were so few men like him. Far too many would look down upon me, and there were only a few that would be respectful. But he was something completely different. It was such a short conversation, but I already regretted sending him away. At this point, there was nothing left I could do.

---------------------------------------Time Skip-------------------------------------

Death. Destruction. The ruins of Gondor loomed over me. Eowyn is missing. So many dead. I whirled around, trying my best to defend myself. Exhaustion wore me down. An orc hit me from behind, sinking its blade into my arm. I cried out, and with the last strength I had, I sliced its throat. I clutched my arm, trying to stop the blood from running down to my hands. I collapsed, curling up. As the world became dark, I could have sworn I heard someone yelling my name.

My head was ringing as I slowly opened my eyes, adjusting them to the light. I moved sluggishly, still trying to figure out what happened. I felt a cloth around my arm, binding it, and my face felt clean. Free of the blood and dirt that had been caked on it. But where was I? I sat up, breathing in the cool air. It looked like a healing ward, and someone else was here.

“Excuse me? Miss?” I called out to the other woman. She walked over briskly and set some pillows behind my back.

She flittered about, changing my dressings, all the while talking. “Oh I’m so sorry dear, I didn’t see that you were awake yet. I was told to give you the best treatment and to get you your own room, so here we are. I wasn’t sure when you were going to wake up, oh dear me. You should probably lay down for longer, you still have circles under your eyes. My you had a bunch of blood on you. I was so surprised to see such a young lady like yourself in such a horrid place. Bad luck I say, bad luck. Although I am so old, I have seen so much, but not something like this!” She babbled on, much to my amusement. She was a mother hen, pecking and poking into other’s business. But she was sweet.

I interrupted her on another spiel, trying to get a straight answer. “I’m sorry, but who gave you these orders, to take care of me and such? I don’t mean to pry, I just want to know. Also, do you know how long this will take? I need to find some people.”

She smiled. “Oh dear, you have a lot in store for you. You’re fine to go walk around and find some people. However, I do suggest you take the path to the gardens, it is quite beautiful.” She winked, and exited the room, leaving the door open. I was slightly stunned, this was a lot to take in. I could not tell what she was hinting at though.

I pulled on some shoes and slowly began my way down. It was a clear path to where I was supposed to go, but I hesitated. What was with all this secrecy? I felt a knot in my stomach as I continued, wary of my surroundings. I knew there were no orcs, but something seemed off.

I turned a corner and heard a voice I did not expect. “I see your injuries have begun healing. I am glad to see it.” Boromir spoke softly, his gaze moving over me.

“Boromir?” I whispered, shocked to see him. “Wh-what is this? What’s going on?” He motioned me to sit next to him on the bench, and I did, a healthy distance away from him.

“I found you. On the field. I didn’t believe it was you at first, I thought my eyes were deceiving me, trying to give me what I wanted most. But it truly was you, and you were lying there, still, bleeding. I assumed the worst. I know we don’t know each other that well, so it must seem odd for me to care so much. But dear, you mean so much to me. More than you know. I’m not mad like the others for you being out there. I admire your bravery and the skills it must’ve taken to slay all the orcs around you. I wasn’t there, but based on the number of bodies around you, I would assume that would be your work. Well, I’m going on and on here, but what I’m really trying to say is, stay. Stay here, with me.” Boromir took a breath, his cheeks full of color.

At this point, my stomach was exploding, I could feel that I was shaking a little. Sure, it wasn’t some love confession, but I didn’t need that from him. The fact that he wanted me to stay was enough.

“I think I will stay, as long as we can visit Rohan often,” I said nervously. His cheeks grew even darker, and he held my hand and pressed the lightest kiss to it. I giggled, and he drew me into a warm hug. I nestled into his chest, hearing his heartbeat. Now, this is what I was missing out on this entire time.

“Wait,” I said, remembering what had happened at Helm’s Deep, what I hadn’t told anyone. “There is something you should know.”

Boromir cocked an eyebrow, obviously confused. “What do you mean?” He asked.

I looked down. “I, uh, might not have been in the caves with everyone else. In fact, do you remember the soldier that you saved from the spear? That might have been me. Possibly.” I smiled, and his face brightened.

“Oh yes, I know exactly who you’re talking abo- wait a minute. That was you? My lady, you are a brilliant warrior. The spear was a minor setback, you did amazing that night.” He gushed, and I grinned at how sweet he was being.

“Boromir, this does not bother you? That I was out fighting? That I, a woman, was part of a battle?” I questioned.

He started laughing, his smile lighting up his eyes. He really was handsome. “No dear, not at all. In fact, it makes things even better. You are an amazing fighter and an amazing person. No, it doesn’t bother me one bit.”

The sun moved through the clouds, the rays hitting us perfectly. We sat and joked in the warmth all afternoon, forgetting the looming war for just a little bit.

Everything taglist: @hey-its-nonny

#Boromir x reader #boromir #boromir x you #boromir x y/n #lotr #lotr writing

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donutloverxo · 4 years

Text

Pinky promise

*gif by @marvelheroes*

Please note that my work is not to be reposted or published anywhere other than my Tumblr or AO3 account without my permission. Reblogs are most welcome though!

Note - Tis part of my donut series which is linked in masterlist. You can just read it for the smut tho, smut usually doesn’t have anything to do with plot🥴🥴

Dividers by @whimsicalrogers

Summary - Steve yells at you but promises not do it again. But then he had to teach you a lesson too...

Warnings - 18+ONLY, smut(m/f), some assplay, spanking, daddy kink, brat tamer Steve, angst, references to stalking, more to come in future chapters.

Pairing - Steve Rogers x reader

Word count - 4.8k

Masterlist is linked in the bio!

He traced the bridge of your nose with his finger, ever so lightly, his touch barely there so as not to wake you from your peaceful slumber. He smiled at the way you cutely scrunched up your nose when he withdrew his finger.

With your hand across his chest, both your legs over his thighs - you were pretty much sleeping on top of him - clinging to him like a koala. Not that he’d complain. He couldn’t be happier.

Most nights he can barely sleep for two hours, if that wasn’t interrupted by his consistent nightmares - but with you everything felt so serene. He hoped to make you feel the same way.

“No more kale,” you murmured in your sleep.

He frowned, what the hell were you dreaming about?

After your first time together he had given you a nice bath, washed your hair. His bathtub was too small to fit both of you so he simply helped wash you up and then help you into his t-shirt. He never knew he would find his clothes so sexy on you. He wondered how big the baths in the tower’s apartments were. Surely they could fit the both of you. Maybe then he could bathe with you and more...

That was maybe the only flaw you had. How insatiable you manage to make him without even trying. Lathering up your soft skin had done a number on him, especially when his hand drifted between your legs, cleaning you up thoroughly. You were pretty out of it to know what was going on.

Even now, he had woken up with an achingly hard erection. What with snuggling your plump ass that was persistent on grinding against his crotch, for some reason. He decided to ignore it - maybe take care of it later in the shower.

He needed to make you some breakfast first and get you replenished and strong. Then if you’re up for it, maybe he can have his fun.

After struggling to get out of your snuggly trap without waking you he made his way over to the kitchen. Beating up the batter for waffles, some fresh fruit, juice and a PB and J. He put all of it on a tray, wishing he had a rose or two to make it easy on the eyes, he made his way over to you.

Caressing your face, placing a few loud kisses on your cheek as you whined, “Wake up, darling,” he whispered against your skin.

“It’s Saturday,” you pushed him away, turning on your side and away from him.

“I know but I have to go to work. I’d like to spend some time with you, wouldn’t you? It’s your first time sleeping over I want us to have breakfast together,” he nuzzled the crook of your neck.

You kicked your blanket away, squinting your eyes to adjust to the bright light, “Okay,” you slurred, “but you should know I’m not a morning person.”

“Noted,” he smiled, hugging your back closer to him.

Your eyes snapped open when you felt it against your butt cheeks. There was no mistaking it, “Steve, are you... hard?” you asked in a low voice. You wiggled your butt so you could be sure - yup, that’s his monster cock awake again, alright.

He hummed, “It’s just what you do to me, princess.” He snaked a hand up, fondling your soft flesh of your breast with it. Squeezing your hard bud through his t-shirt.

“Does... it hurt? I know it’s a weird question but I’m just curious...” you trailed off.

“Sometimes it’s just annoying and sometimes it’s painful. Like right now,” he husked in your ear, holding onto your hip and rutting up in your ass. His palm making it’s way between your legs, tracing patterns on your inner thigh.

“Oh. Then maybe you should do something about it. I don’t want you be in pain,” you squirmed in his hold. You could still feel the ache of last night’s activities in your core but the idea of going at it again was just as appealing to you.

“Yeah? You want it?” he let his fingers dip in your folds, “You’re fucking drenched, princess,” he groaned.

You gasped. It’s not everyday you hear Captain America spouting such profanities.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you. You don’t have to do a thing,” he promised, pushing you on your stomach he took his shirt off of you. Shoving a pillow under your hips to give him access and let you relax at the same time. “You were so good last night, doll. Can you be good now? For me?”

You nodded your head, your cheek pressed to the soft pillow. You didn’t really know what ‘being good' entailed. You did know that if he wanted to slap you and have you thank him for it, you’d probably do it. Really you would do anything to please him.

You jerked as you felt the tip of his tongue nudge at your entrance. Dipping inside your heat - so warm and velvety - and then pulling out to lick a stripe up your slit.

“You’ve got a nice ass, sweetheart, fits in my hand perfectly,” he praised, squeezing your ass and then kneeling behind you.

He touched the column of your spin, pressing on the middle of your back to arch you up to him, your wide hips and butt presented so perfectly to him. It was like a dream come true. There was no way he could resist.

Pulling your cheeks apart, he admired your holes, before prodding at your second hole and tracing it with his tongue.

You squealed at that. “St - Steve, what are you doing?” You looked at him over your shoulder.

“You don’t like it, doll?” he asked, licking at it again, “If you don’t just say so. I’ll stop.” he stated. Which wasn’t a lie, he probably should’ve asked you before doing it in the first place.

“Well, it’s not that I don’t like it... it’s just so dirty but I think in a good way,” you shove your face back in your pillow.

He chuckled, maybe that was why he loved the idea of it so much as well. It was so debauched - something he only got to share with you. To the world he maybe pure and pious but he won’t hesitate to eat his girl’s ass any chance he gets.

“I know, doll. It’s like you stir up something dark in me,” he gritted, pressing his thumb inside your tight pluckered hole, “I knew the moment I met you, you were nothing but trouble,” He groaned when he felt you clenched around his thumb.

You jerked forward at the unusual fullness. Gasping incredulously, “Wh - I’m trouble?! You’re the one with your finger buried up my ass. But sure! I’m the one corrupting America’s son,” you yelped when you he delivered a harsh slap on your butt. “Jesus! Warn a girl!” you heaved as you felt heat rush to your cheeks. Being so exposed to him and letting him have his way with you - most of it liking it WAY more than you should have should make you feel at least a modicum of shame but it didn’t.

He shushed you, “Didn’t you promise to be good?”

“I promised no such thing!”

He shook his head, there was no point in making you behave, not that he truly wanted you to be good anyway. Pulling his thumb out of your ass, he slathered some lube on your slippery folds, massaging it on your bundle of nerves.

You whimpered into the pillow, “Do we even need it anymore?”

“Yes, we do,” he held your hips in a firm grip, lining himself up to your cunt, “You’re too small to take me without it,” he smirked as he pushed into your warm heat.

You would never understand how much he loved the fact that you were smaller than him. He could fight off anyone who dared to threaten you or hurt you, he had to bend a significant amount to kiss you, he could easily haul you up, manhandle you - do whatever he wants to you. Not that he’d ever take advantage of his strength - but these were some privileges he would never have without the serum.

He bend over you, his chest to your back, pulling you closer to him by circling a hand around your soft stomach. Driving his hips back before harshly snapping them forward. He nuzzled the crook of your neck, “How does that feel? Hm?” He set a fast pace, thrusting into you with much more vigor than the previous night. Something about doing it from behind made it all the more primal and needy.

“So good,” you choked. Your fingers digging into his forearms as you felt his tip hit your spongy spot, making your vision blurry and mind hazy.

He knelt above you again, so he could look at your ass. Jiggling from the force of his thrusts. His hand ached to spank it again - but he knew he shouldn’t. Not before talking to you about it. He compromised on fondling it with his palm as he felt you clench around his length.

“You close, doll?”

“Yeah,” you murmured as you felt the coil in your belly snap, your whole body going taut as pleasure took over you.

Your hips collapsed back on the bed - not really having enough energy to hold yourself up anymore.

He pulled out just when he was about to come, jerking his cock with his hand till spurts of his spend landed on your ass and back.

He used the shirt you were wearing to clean to you up, setting the tray of breakfast before you and giving your forehead a quick kiss.

You munched on a slice of apple, slapping a hand over your mouth to muffle your giggles. causing him to raise his brow at you. “It’s just I’m completely naked -having breakfast in bed. Never imagined I’d get so lucky.” you gushed, making heart eyes at him.

“I’m the lucky one,” he smiled, booping your nose, “I have to get going though.”

“I thought you wanted to have breakfast together?” you pouted, hoping that would make him stay as he rummaged through his closet, setting his clothes out. Giving you a nice view of his bubble butt. It’s thicker than mine.

He looked at you over his shoulder, “I already had my breakfast, doll,” he winked.

Your jaw dropped as you closed your mouth and then opened it again, gaping like a goddamn fish as you tried to think of something to say.

He wrapped a towel around his waist, making his way to the shower, “I’m running late since you distracted me.”

“Sure I distracted you.” you rolled your eyes.

“Hey, Tony,” Steve greeted him, putting a hand over his shoulder to get his attention.

“What the fuck?” he helped, spilling his coffee all over his keyboard. He turned around in his chair, giving Steve a steely glare, “What is wrong with you?”

“Sorry,” Steve rubbed the back of his neck. Sure ambushing Tony in his lab may not be his greatest idea but - “I need a favor.”

“It’s always about what people need from me,” the billionaire shook his head despondently, trying to clean his soiled workspace with some napkins, “Came to ask for sex tips, have you?”

“What?!” Steve blurted out, his eyes widening.

Did Natasha go around telling everyone about their private conversation? If so he’ll never hear the end of it. He was on the receiving end of almost all of Tony’s jabs. Why was he coming to him for such an important favor anyway...

“Too bad for you, I don’t give away my trade secrets.” He shrugged.

Steve rubbed a hand over his face, taking a deep breathe, he can do this, it’s for his girl.

“Fine, I’ll tell you some of them. A woman has eight erogenous zones - ”

Right, this was just Tony being Tony. Nat would never to that to him.

“Jesus, Tony! I don’t need sex advice from you!” He was well acquainted with your erogenous zones now, even though you’ve only been together a couple of times. He could make you come without even touching you.

“Really?” Tony raised a brow, eyeing him up and down, “It’s weird that you have a life outside of the Avengers in the first place.”

“Right. You probably think I go to sleep in the cap suit,” Steve retorted, his lips pressed in a flat line. To most people there was no distinction between cap and him.

“Actually, I did,” he grinned, “What did you want anyway?”

“Well... I need you to promise to keep this between us,” Even if he and Tony had somewhat of a ‘complicated’ friendship, there was no one he could trust with this,

He nodded, “Cross my heart,” doing so over his chest.

“Is there anyway you can hack into a CCTV camera?” Steve asked, giving him your address. There was only one outside of your building, it wasn't much but it was all he had to work with.

“Should be easy enough,” he said, hitting the keys of his keyboard, “Looks like their footage expires in a month or so.”

“That’s okay, I only need to see this past week,” he pulled up a chair, taking a seat beside him.

“Are we stalking Miss unicorn? Is she cheating on you?!” he gasped. “If you get cheated on then the rest of us don’t have any hope.”

“No... she thinks she’s being stalked. And I believe her.”

“She’s awfully lucky to have an Avenger for a boyfriend then.... are you sure you want to go through over two hundred hours of it? Just get an intern to do it,” he pressed play, fast forwarding it over four times.

“I can’t trust anyone else with this. Besides I’ll know what to look for,” The serum also gifted him keen eyes. Even if the the footage was blurry and pixelated he could figure out a lot by just looking at body language and such. “You don’t have to watch it with me.”

“Oh no, don’t worry, I have nothing else to do,” he drawled, “JARVIS, cancel all my appointments. We’re stalking Steve’s girlfriend. I’ll go get the popcorn.”

It was not easy to spend the entire weekend sitting in a chair watching basically nothing with Tony, but Steve managed to just tune him out. He seemed to get excited, to poke fun, every time Steve dropped you off at your doorstep, always leaving with a thorough goodbye kiss.

Think of the children!

All this PDA is not good for you squeaky clean image, Cap. You’ve been corrupted by the Gen Z and the millennials.

“Wait, stop right there,” Steve asked upon spotting an electrician, inconspicuous at first sight...

“It’s just the cable guy.”

“He’s carrying a gun, see,” he pointed at the screen.

Tony scrunched up his nose, “No, he’s not. You can barely see his face.”

“Is there a way to get a clearer image of his face?”

“No. This isn’t a movie. You can always interrogate her neighbors,” he suggested.

“I don’t know about that. Let’s keep that as a plan B.”

They didn’t really find anything else of use. He cracked his neck, ready to home to you after a long day. Grateful that he had someone to go home to. He thanked Tony while putting on his jacket.

“Don’t thank me. Just remember that you owe me forever.”

“That’s fair I guess...” he dusted off the wrinkles in his pants.

“So does she like live with you now? Haven’t you only been dating for two months? I’ve never even had a relationship that long.”

“Well, I’m not you.” And he didn’t appreciate other people snooping in his private life. He had no idea what he would do if his relationship went public. He decided not to worry about that for now. He needed to work on his first least.

Three weeks later

You huffed, your ankle twisting against the ground. You straightened your feet back up and willed yourself to keep walking. Just two more blocks. You can do this.

Today was not your day. Your boss had sent you all the way to Connecticut to do a delivery. Even though it wasn’t your job to do deliveries. Which meant you had to take the subway - which was over an hour late. You couldn’t even call Steve to let him know that you would be late because your phone just chose to stop working.

And then your heel broke... which meant you were dragging yourself back home all the way from the station.

You were ready to just go to sleep and maybe never wake up.

“Finally,” you grumbled, slamming the door behind you and ridding your feet of the uncomfortable strappy knock offs. “Oh, Steve, you wouldn’t believe the day I had,” you plumped down on the couch, laying back against the cushions.

“Do you have any idea what time it is?” You opened your eyes to see him standing tall in front of you. His hands folded over his chest and his jaw clenched as he glared at you.

“Huh?”

“It’s almost midnight,” he shook his head. “Did it occur to you to maybe call me and let me know that you were going to be late?”

“I - my phone just stopped working - ”

“Let me guess - you forgot to charge it again,” Your name rolled off his tongue, which meant something was wrong - he never said your name, he had over a million nicknames for you. “That’s not charming. That’s just careless and irresponsible of you. You’re an adult, start acting like it.”

“Fuck you.” The words escaped your mouth before you could ponder about it. Tears burning your eyes, but you held them back, you had never been afraid of being vulnerable in front of him. Right now, however, you needed to stand your ground.

A look of hurt crossed his face before it hardened again. “You can never take any sort of criticism - ”

“It just stopped working!” you yelled, interrupting him. “It’s old and yeah I don’t use it properly because I’m irresponsible, so it stopped. I didn’t even know what time it was.”

“I was worried about you,” his voice cracked. He rubbed his eyes. “I made so many calls. I called your mother - who didn’t even know who I was.” He gave you a sardonic chuckle. He was discussing marriage plans with you and you hadn’t even told your family about him.

“You know, Steve, if you want a responsible and mature girlfriend, you should go and get one. I’ll make it easier for you,” you stood up, bumping into him and heading towards the bedroom.

“Where are you going?” he grabbed at your forearm, pulling you back.

“I’m leaving! I’ll go stay at my mothers,” you choked on a sob, your arms feebly trying to fight him off, “I don’t need you or your help! I’m sure plenty of mature women would love to be with Captain America.”

“Stop it! I didn’t mean it like that and you know it,” Your tears pulled at his heart strings. Making him regret his words.

“If you didn’t mean it then you shouldn’t have said it,” you spit. Finally gathering enough courage to look into his eyes, “I guess I know what you think of me now.” Your bottom lip quivering as you tried to push at his chest. But he was built like a rock, refusing to budge even a bit.

He grabbed your wrists, “I’m sorry, doll. I should’ve used better words. But you can’t just pack up and leave whenever we have a fight.”

You scoffed, “Yes I can! Just watch me!”

“Yes, you can,” he sighed, pulling your head into his chest, “but you shouldn’t. Don’t you think your words hurt me too?” he asked. Nuzzling his nose in your hair, swaying you both side to side but you were still pushing at his chest and whimpering. “Just let me hold you for a while. I thought something bad had happened to you.”

Which seemed to quell your rage for the time being as you went limp in his arms. He hadn’t told you about the suspicious cable guy or how maybe you were being stalked. Either by SHIELD, someone out for revenge on him or an unwanted suitor of yours. It didn’t really matter. He didn’t want to worry you, maybe he should tell you to get you to take things more seriously.

“You really had me worried there,” he mumbled, “Do you forgive me?” Placing a kiss to your hair.

You shook your head against his chest. “Nuh-uh.”

“What do I have to do to earn your forgiveness?” he wanted to know.

You rubbed your tears and snot on his shirt - as a petty revenge, looking up at him with your swollen eyes and nose, “I read somewhere that the best way to ask for forgiveness is changed behavior.”

“That is true,” he nodded.

“Since you’ve never been that mean before - I can let it go for now. Only if you promise not to do it again.”

“Of course, sweet - ”

“I mean it. No yelling, cursing or meanness of any sort. I don’t care that you’re Captain America. You can’t talk to me like that.”

“I promise.”

“You have to pink promise to seal it. A pink promise has higher esteem than a normal one,” you stated, holding your pinky up to him.

“Can I seal it with a kiss?” he suggested but then bit his tongue at the deadly glare you have him. “Okay then, I pinky promise,” he linked his pinky with yours, looking into your eyes, “I’ll never ever yell at you or curse at you. Or be mean ever again - the last thing I want to be is like my father.”

“What? You never told me that your dad - ”

“We don’t have to talk about it right now,” he shook his head, “Can I kiss you? Please?” he gave you his best puppy eyes.

“Nope,” you pushed him away. You can’t be too easy. He had to pay. “I’m tired, I had a long day. Im'a just go to bed,” you gave an exaggerated yawn.

You headed off to your shared bedroom again, but then before you knew it - in the blink of an eye - he hauled you over his knee as he sat back on the couch.

“Not so fast,” he tutted, stroking your clothed buttcheek. “Let’s not forget you were at fault too. You had me worried sick. I was imagining the worst things about you and I couldn’t get a hold of you. I’m never letting you out my sight again.”

You rubbed your forehead, dizzy from being spun so fast. Looking at him over your shoulder, “But what you did... or said was deliberate.”

“Maybe so. But you could've called me and let me know. I would’ve come to you and picked you up.” He pinched your butt as you yelped.

“I don’t remember your number!” You heaved. What was he up to? Why were you over his lap?

He shook his head. “Even you have to agree that is irresponsible. You’re supposed to be good at numbers, baby. Aren’t you an accountant? Think you can count to seven? You need to be taught a lesson.” He pulled the helm of your dress, exposing your Powerpuff girls panties to him.

The smug asshole. “Excuse me! Who are you to teach me a lesson?”

He snapped the elastic band against your hip, “These are cute.”

Your cheeks heated up and you tried to tell him off, flustered and exhausted you just give up. Pushing your cheek against the cushion. “Whatever,” you grumble.

“You’re such a brat you know that? You love making me worry when all want to do is protect you and keep you safe,” he pulled your panties down till they were tangled in your ankles, warming you up by stroking your naked cheeks. “I’m getting you a new phone. And you don’t need to work for someone who doesn’t appreciate you - I can take care of now,” He had always had a bad feeling about your eccentric boss, sending you away on such a short notice - you absolutely did not deserve to be treated like that. “How many do you think you deserve?”

Steve never associated spanking with sexiness or as anything erotic. He was supposed to be a gentleman. He shouldn’t have such dirty kinks.

Sure he likes a nice plump ass. Your ass to be more specific. He loved seeing it in tight yoga pants, snug jeans. Hell he even liked seeing it in dresses that don’t necessarily flaunt it. When he is forced to use his imagination.

He also liked seeing it in your cute pastel cotton panties. With stars or heart patterns. Or better yet, no panties.

Just a few days ago, he saw your ass perched up in your cute pink panties, as you were scrolling on your phone, leaning on the kitchen counter, he couldn’t help it, his hand moved before he could even register what was happening. He slapped your ass, the smack echoing in the room, your ass jiggling, and your small yelp, made him harder than hed ever been.

You looked so adorable when you tried to act like you didn’t like it. Though the musky scent of your weeping sex clearly said otherwise. He bent you over the counter and fucked you then and there to prove you wrong.

He never spanked you again. He didn’t get a chance to, until now...

You were pretty out of it, sleep taking over your tired eyes, maybe that’s why it just slipped out - “Whatever you want, daddy.”

“What?” he instantly stopped his ministrations, staring at the back of your head.

“What?” you asked. Your eyes widening , “Oh dear god, did I say that out loud?” You shut your eyes so tightly, refusing to ever look at him again.

You had only ever read about it in erotica or used the term in jest. Maybe part of you did feel that way about Steve but there was absolutely no way you’d ever admit it. You joked with your friends about how Steve was a ‘big daddy’ when you had told them you were dating Captain America. Because of his height and build and nurturing nature. They dubbed him ‘America’s daddy’.

“Yes, you did,” you could feel him smirking through the smugness dripping in his voice, “It’s ok, doll. I don’t get why you’re embarrassed, I can be your daddy. I think you deserve seven? For every hour you were late. You promised to be home by five pm.”

You didn’t say a single word, not really trusting yourself to speak at all. He pinched your butt again, demanding an answer. “Yes! Fine! Seven is okay I guess.”

“You are to count them and then thank me for them. Understood?”

“Just get on with it,” you would feel yourself getting wetter with anticipation, you squirmed in his hold, rubbing your thighs together to create some friction.

“Keep up that attitude and I’ll spank you till you can’t see straight. And now, just because of that it’s ten.” He slipped his hand between your legs. Smearing your arousal around your lips. You probably didn’t know about his enhanced sense of smell, letting him know whenever you were aroused. “What do you want the safe word to be? When you say it - we stop.”

“How about buttercream?” you suggested.

“Buttercream it is. Now get ready. Remember to count and - ”

“And thank you, yes I remember,” you rolled your eyes. Wondering if he’s ever going to actually go through with it or if he was all talk.

You yelped as soon as he landing the first blow, the burning sting and the loud smack that following causing your cheeks to heat up.

“One. Thank you...” you tried to catch your breathe, “daddy.”

His cock stirred at your new petname for him. He could sink into you right then and there but he had more pressing matters to deal with.

He raised his hand again, delivering blow after blow to you, alternating between both your cheeks. Sneaking one small to your upper thigh as well - just because he could. He held back his strength, of course. He didn’t really want to hurt you, just teach you a lesson.

“Nine, holy fuck!” your nails dug into your palms as you clenched your fists tightly. Needing something to hold onto. “Th-thank you, daddy!” You added. Cursing yourself for almost forgetting.

He let his fingers wander down to your cunt again, dipping a finger in your heat, “You seemed to be enjoying this. Have you learned your lesson?”

You furiously nodded your head, “Yes! I’ll always tell you when I’m going to be late. I mean... as soon as I get a new phone.”

He snorted, “Don’t worry about that, princess,” Soothing a hand over your swollen skin, “Just one more. Think you can take it?” you nod again.

You whimpered and then moaned as he delivered the last slap to your right cheek. “Te - n,” you hiccupped, “Thank you...”

“You were so good, sweetheart,” he cooed. Setting you down on the couch, hovering over your back and peppering kisses to your ass, “but I’m far from done with you.”

You hummed as you heard the tell-tale sign of him unzipping his pants. “Gonna be a long night,” you giggled into the pillow.

Tags will be in the reblog! Click the link in the bio to be join the taglist or shoot me an ask/dm.

Comments and reblogs are really appreciated! ❤❤

#the donut series #steve rogers x reader #steve x reader #captain america x reader #steve rogers x you #marvel x reader #avengers x reader #chris evans x reader

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moonlit-han · 4 years

Text

stray kids’ reactions to you taking medication for depression & anxiety ↠ all members

genre: reaction word count: 2.4k warnings: discussion of depression and anxiety, description of panic/anxiety attack, swearing request: yes

a/n: hi anon! wow, this one turned highly personal really fast. so, this turned into a combination of your original request and how stray kids would react just knowing that you have depression/anxiety. i think how they’d care for and support you is a large part of their reactions to finding out, if that makes sense. i hope this brings you comfort~

✧ masterlist in bio ✧

bang chan

as with most things, chan would be very understanding

he’d just want you to feel and function the best you could

and not have to worry about whether you’re going to be able to make it through a day

he’d noticed when you first started dating that you occasionally withdrew into yourself

and needed time alone

chan didn’t really think anything of it

bc he also kinda just turns into a hermit and hides to reset and recuperate

but when you’d told him that you take meds for anxiety and depression

his sneaking suspicion that you’d been struggling with something was confirmed

it all made sense!

chan would be immediately and absolutely on board to support you

he wasn’t gonna let those nasty depression demons get the better of his y/n

no! fucking!! way!!! ＼＼\٩(๑`^´๑)۶//／／

when you could stand it, he’d be really cute and cuddly to try to make you feel better

and he’d also research everything about the meds

on the days that you just needed to be left alone, he’d be worried

bc he wouldn’t want you to be lonely or to need him and for him to not be there immediately for you

but sometimes even just the presence of another person is exhausting

even if it’s your partner

he’d always come back with flowers or your favorite kind of pie or curry or something else delicious or beautiful

all he wants is for you to feel like you can face the world

bc he’ll always be there by your side (♡‿♡)

lee minho

minho would be matter of fact and accepting about the whole thing

he wouldn’t be fussed

and would just accept that sometimes you’d be less than cheerful

and that it has nothing to do with him or his actions

while he wouldn’t necessarily understand the ins and outs of depression and/or anxiety,

he would still be totally committed to supporting you

he’d be glad that you have meds

because it’s hard for him to see you so down and feeling so blank

he just wants you to be okay

he’ll ask if you’re okay and what he can do

sometimes he just has to ask you a few times

just to be sure

for his own peace of mind

if any family, friends, coworkers, anyone gave you shit about your depression and anxiety

minho would be the kind of person to just:

Σ(☉‿☉✿)Σ(☉‿☉✿)Σ(☉‿☉✿) “hold my flower”and prepare to fight the world for you

alkjfhakjfdhkj

minho would always make sure that you have your meds on time

either going to pick them up from the pharmacy for you

or reminding you to get them yourself

he’d also remind you to take the meds on your especially bad days

when you can’t exactly think or do much else

while he jokes that cats are the best medicine for anything

minho knows and agrees that medication for mental illness and such is important

bc it helps you be able to function

but that doesn’t stop him from trying his best to make you feel energized and focused through other means!

you have a weekly picnic date, even after dating for two years

it’s the sweetest thing ever

and definitely helps (≧◡≦)

seo changbin

it was the first time you slept over at his place

(a really lovely evening with lots of sweet cuddling ｡ﾟ(ﾟ∩´﹏`∩ﾟ)ﾟ｡ )

(((oh no now i’m soft HHHH)))

and you’d left your bag sitting out in the living room

changbin had thought it would be nice if he got your things for you in the morning

and he also wanted to make you breakfast (✿◠‿◠)

so he'd gone to pick up your bag and saw the little pill bottle

and was just “oh, okay~”

when he'd come into the bedroom, changbin looked a little nervous?

bc he wasn’t quite sure how to ask you what meds you were taking

he wasn’t really worried or anything

he just wanted to support you with absolutely no judgement because meds aren’t a bad thing~

he was so understanding and immediately, like chan, researched everything he could about helping someone with anxiety and depression

and then made you breakfast bc that’s wonderful anytime at all

on the days you felt like you couldn’t get out of bed

(or simply couldn’t whether you wanted to or not)

changbin would be there

if you could stay in bed the whole day, then he’d stay with you

if you had to get up and actually do things, he’d do his best to help you

he’d make you food, help you shower, even pick out clothes for you so that you wouldn’t have to think

he’d understand that sometimes you need a bit of a prod to do things

changbin would definitely try his best to make those reminders as caring and lighthearted as possible

after all, you don’t exactly have control over when lack of motivation strikes

changbin would understand and know a lot of the feelings you have

and be able to empathize based on his own experiences

really, he would just continue to love you ♡

hwang hyunjin

hyunjin, oh sweet hyunjin

he’d be so understanding

and would feel really sorry for you

but not in a weird, pitying way

just sad that your brain had decided to betray you in such a way

*insert all the empathy here*

he knows all too well the feelings of hopelessness you sometimes feel

he’d be glad that you have meds, actually

and would even remind you when you have therapy (if you do)

he’d probably send you random “when you have anxiety/depression” memes

you’ve busted out laughing at inopportune times more than once from said memes

when you’re in a depressive episode, hyunjin would be like a cat

just curled up with you as much as possible

if you can’t stand to have someone near you

then, he’d still text you cheesy stuff like those ridiculous valentine’s day pickup lines that are, in fact, funny at any time of the year

oh and don’t forget about the utterly sincere, will-make-you-cry texts, love letters, post-it notes, notes written in blueberries on the counter, and even signs he’d write for you

one day, you’d even opened a lunch he’d made you to find a little note rolled up around your fork:

“hi hello yes you, the pretty one reading this! i love youuuuuu~ have a wonderful day, darling

p.s. remember to take your meds <3”

hyunjin’s gentle nature would be just what you needed

to support you

to love you

to care for you, not only emotionally but also physically

he’d be like a sheltering tree for you

grounded and calm with deep roots, but able to bend with whatever wind your depression/anxiety decided to gust through your lives

han jisung

jisung would…

well, jisung would just:

“AAAAAY, ANXIETY BUDDIES!!” (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ;;;;;;

ajkdfhaljkfghaljf

definitely not the response you’d been expecting

but it was perfect nonetheless

you spent an afternoon together just talking about how your anxiety and depression manifested

what helped you to cope

what helped him to cope

which meds you took and if there was anything jisung should be particularly aware of

he’d be really interested in just how your depression and anxiety manifest

bc in order to care for you and help

he wants to know what bit of your brain chemistry has decided to fuck shit up

(sometimes jisung feels like he needs to fuck shit up, too. but really? come oooon y/n’s brain)

he’d leave you notes reminding you to do things when your ability to focus goes completely out the window

you’d wake up to find one of those large sheets of poster paper taped to the ceiling above your bed, saying:

“i love you, even if you have depression/anxiety that makes you forget to do the dishes. again. you’re still my little gremlin <3”

jisung would give you any and all resources he has to help you

he’d probably even write songs for you

there’d probably a mixtape out there somewhere of him screaming at your depression and anxiety

telling them to leave you the fuck alone

bc you’re too wonderful to have to deal with that shit

your weekends together would be spent in the bedroom

under the covers

giggling your asses off

and cuddling

bc it’s dangerous outside the blanket ( ｀^´ )

lee felix

felix would be so chill about it

you’d tell him and he’d just be like

“okay! so what kinds of toppings did you want me to put on this pizza again?”

you’d just kinda blink at him

you’d been worrying about what he’d say

and if he’d leave you or something

(thanks, irrational brain. love you. NOT! ffs)

as if lee felix would ever leave you,,,,,,

it was a relief not to worry about that

felix would still bundle you up in the biggest hugs ever

and smile his sunshine-filled smile at you

honestly, that alone should be enough to cure depression

but, unfortunately, it’s not

((*shakes fist at depression/anxiety*))

but with felix’s smile and meds, you’re feeling much better, thank you

felix would try to make life brighter for you after finding out

he’d understand that sometimes you want to do things but just can’t

there’s no rhyme nor reason to it

and it wouldn’t matter to him

bc he’d still get to spend time with you, even if it just meant sitting on the couch watching movies

felix would know that sometimes he would just have to make decisions for you

not in a controlling way

but just because your anxiety over making decisions and following through with things would get the better of you

he’d make sure you drink water and eat lots of yummy food

his deep voice is the most calming thing oh my god

and whenever you have an anxiety/panic attack

felix would immediately catch you up in his arms and slow dance with you through the entire episode

even if you’re barely able to stand, he’d hold you up and support you

just so, at an incredibly scary time, you’d have the most loving arms around you

kim seungmin

you were having a panic attack when seungmin came over one time

and you’d just kinda slumped against the wall as soon as he’d come in the door

aaaand you’d had to explain what was going on

but seungmin had just helped you breathe deeply

and eventually you’d calmed down to the point that you felt like

well, like a limp noodle (＠_＠)

you know that feeling when your body is so exhausted from having a panic attack

that you can’t exactly do much else?

yeah. that.

so, he would be glad that you have meds for your depression/anxiety

like jisung, seungmin would want to have A Stern Conversation with your depression/anxiety

bc he’s tired of its shit ψ(｀-´ )ψ

not because he can’t deal with it or you

because he hates to see you in so much distress

also,,,,,,

no one should have to feel like there’s no joy left in the world, irrational thinking rules their brain, and like they’re trapped in a cycle of dysfunction, no matter how hard they try

bc sometimes just trying isn’t enough

and seungmin understands that~

sometimes you just need a little outside help

he’d come up with all sorts of things he could do for you to help ease your anxiety

he’d write down all your triggers just so he’d know what avoid

or what to tell other people to avoid alkdfjhakljdfh

bc we all know seungmin is that person (-_-;)・・・

when he found out that you have trouble deciding on food at restaurants

he’d immediately printed out the menus to all the restaurants you loved

just so you could take your time deciding at home

and not feel overwhelmed

aksjfhlskfjdh what a good bean

seungmin is just a sweetie who wants the best for you, really

plus, when you’re feeling better….

the two of you can go on adventures!! (⌒▽⌒)

yang jeongin

jeongin would be a little baffled that someone’s brain could be that cruel to them

“you mean you sometimes just can’t be happy?”

“yep, or function, really. sometimes moving or getting out of bed or eating just isn’t a thing”

‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

“don’t worry about. i’m on meds for it so it’s not as bad”

(◕︵◕);;;;

“jeongin i promise it’s okay…..”

“HHHHHHHHHH”

you just ended up cuddling him and explaining how depression and anxiety worked

(or rather, how fucking annoying and, even, debilitating they are)

that made him happier bc he understood

he’d try to help you do things that help with the depression

like going for walks

or drinking enough water

definitely regulating your sleep

jeongin: “i know, i know, y/n! it’s hard but you haaaave to wake up”

y/n: “mmph” (￢_￢)

jeongin: *lightly swats you with a pillow* “get! up!!”

y/n: *grumpgrumpgrump*

nights are even harder alkjhsjkslkfjhs

jeongin, on the phone: “no you’re not being a night owl tonight. no! y/n~~~~ come on, i’m tired and wanna go to sleep”

y/n: “but i’m not tired!! i’m just gonna play one more round of this and then go to bed. i promise!”

jeongin, not having any of your shit: “uhuh….”

y/n, *sweats*: “i promiiiiiiiiise”

…………………

3 am

jeongin, via email: “this is an automated reminder to G O T O S L E E P”

y/n: “shit.”

he’d want to be there to listen to you whenever you needed him

even though he doesn’t have much experience with this sort of thing

jeongin would do his best as a kind and properly aware person

like everyone else, he just wants you to be okay

1K notes · View notes

elvish-sky · 4 years

Text

Say That Again {Legolas x Reader}

A.N: Do I really like this fic? Yes, I do. Will I possibly be re-writing it and turning it into a multi-part? Yes, I will. Thank you so much to the two Anons who requested this- I kinda went a little off of your exact requests, so I hope that’s ok, but I was super inspired by them. I’m very proud of this, and I really hope you all like it!

Requested by Anons on Tumblr: Can I request a Legolas x reader fic where the reader is an archivist for the library in Mirkwood and Legolas begins to visit more often just to see the reader? Over the months, they get very close and eventually end up confessing/sharing a small kiss, and the reader whispers, “I love you.” afterward. Legolas, having not heard those words directed towards him in a long time, is breathless. then, shyly, he tells the reader to say it again😶

and

Hey! I love your writing, by the way. I know you probably get a lot of these, so no pressure, but I was wondering if I could request a Legolas x reader fic? maybe where the reader is like an archivist/librarian for the woodland realm, and Legolas is doing research on the sickness in his homeland. together, they both find that Sauron has returned, and become really close over the time they’ve spent together. maybe the reader could join the fellowship with him? it’s just an idea based on a fic I read a while ago. you could do what you like with it, but I thought you could turn it into whatever you like. Thanks!

Word Count: 1,431

Pairing: Legolas x Reader

Warnings: Fluff, other than that I think that’s it.

****

Say That Again

You sat curled up in your favorite chair in the back corner of the library and began to read, taking a break from your work. You were an archivist for the Library of the Woodland Realm, and you loved your job. Books were one of your favorite things in life, and so it was only natural for you to work in the library. Not only was it full of tomes of knowledge, but it was also absolutely stunning. Like everything else in the kingdom, it embodied nature, with smooth sweeping arches of stone and vines trailing along the walls. There were cuts in the stone to allow sunlight to brighten the dark, and the dust shone in the sunbeam on your table that was also illuminating your (h/c) hair, making it glow.

You looked up as someone plopped into the seat across from you. Legolas, Prince of the Woodland Realm, had started visiting the library rather suddenly several weeks ago, looking for answers about the blight and darkness that were spreading through the forest. Shocked at first about how much he cared about the forest, and then even more so at how interested he was in you, it had been rather awkward at first. He was the prince, and you were just another elf, of no importance. Despite your differences, you had become fast friends, although you had wished for more since you had first laid eyes on him, years ago.

He slammed a thick book down onto the table. “I think this one may contain the answers!” You glanced at the title. Blights of Nature and Their Causes. As much as you did not want to get your hopes up, this one looked promising.

“Where did you find this?” you flipped open the cover, admiring the pretty endpapers. Whoever had authored this book had clearly taken the time to make sure it was presentable.

“In the ‘Ancient Lore’ section, the top of the last shelf.” You could tell he had been in the far reaches of the library, he was absolutely covered in dust. You absentmindedly reached out to brush off his shoulder, making him blush, but you quickly withdrew your hand once you realized what you were doing.

“What were you doing back there?”

“I figured that we’ve had no luck looking in the places where it would make sense to find answers, so I looked in a place where it wouldn’t make sense.”

You chuckled at his explanation. “That may be the least-well thought out reasoning I have ever heard.”

“Nevertheless, this one might be it. I mean, it mentions blights in the title! What’s happening outside is definitely a blight.”

You could understand his excitement. You had been looking for some sort of explanation for weeks, and the darkness was only spreading. You bent over the book, head bowed next to his as you poured over the pages together.

Sometime later, you awoke, hearing a gasp, to find your head resting on Legolas’ chest. You were somehow lying between his legs with the book resting on your stomach as he peered at it over your shoulder. “What is it?” you responded to his cry, blinking groggily. “I think I’ve found something.” Your eyes scanned the page he was on, flying across the words as you searched for what he meant. They came to a rest on the line A spreading of darkness in a forest, and an infestation of dark creatures, often herald the arrival of dark sorcery.

“Dark sorcery?” you glanced up at him, your worry mirrored in his eyes looking back at you.

“It makes sense,” you could feel his mind spinning, sense his brain questioning, searching for an answer. “But what sorcery is strong enough to corrupt the Woodland Realm?”

“I do not know,” you replied. “But I fear for all our safety against one this powerful. We must learn who is doing this.”

“I know of someone who may be able to answer our questions.” Legolas strode into the library the next morning with a purposeful air. You looked up from your work. He was wearing a tunic and leather boots, like always, and his hair loose except for those two small braids on either side of his head. He looked, to put it simply, absolutely wonderful. But then, when did he not?

You were sure that you didn’t look half as put together- you had spent the whole night after he left-which was admittedly not much, he had stayed pretty late- pouring over ancient manuscripts and old texts, trying to find mention of any sorcerers powerful enough to corrupt a whole forest. You had found nothing, and looked rather worse for wear.

“Who?” you were frantically attempting to rein in your unruly hair as you spoke.

“Gandalf the Grey. I sent him a bird last night and he replied, he has found something most troubling and thinks it may be related. I’m traveling to Rivendell today on unrelated business and he’ll be there, so I’ll ask him then.”

Now you were busy brushing out your clothes and picking lint off of them. Legolas looked at you, eyes drawn from where they had been steadily focused on the wall behind you by your frantic movements. “Y/N, what are you doing?” He grabbed your hand. “I’m just… nothing.” You looked down in embarrassment, eyes firmly fixed on his boots. “You’re primping, aren’t you?” “Well, it’s not fair for you to just tramp in here looking perfect all the time!” You stepped back from him, realizing what you had just said. “Well, you- uh- you don’t look perfect, per se, more like… well put together!”

Your self-conscious stammering had just made you feel worse. “Look, Legolas. I’m sorry. I very much did not mean to say that.” “It’s ok, Y/N. I do look pretty great.” He did a little twirl to show off just how great, and you felt the blood rush to your cheeks again.

“Now, Y/N, you might want to go upstairs and grab some things for the road if we want to be out of the forest by midday.”

“Wait- I’m coming?”

“Of course, Y/N! You didn’t think that after all of the help you gave me you wouldn’t be included when we finally get our answer?”

Sheepishly, you nodded.

“Ok, well, go pack. I’ll put these books back and be waiting ready to go.”

“Thank you, Legolas!” you exclaimed as you turned to the door. “Love you!”

“What did you just say?” Legolas spoke, and you spun to see him, face pale with shock, leaning against your table.

“I said thanks.” It had been a passing comment, and you didn’t remember saying anything else. Until you did. “Oh, shit!” you clapped a hand over your mouth and internally smacked yourself. If he did not dislike me for my oddities before, he’ll hate me now, you thought.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Legolas. It was just a slip of the tongue, it meant nothing…” you trailed off as he stepped closer to you.

He grabbed your chin in his hand, gazing into your eyes. “Say that again.”

“It meant nothing?” you were so very confused.

“No, Y/N. The other thing.” He looked mildly exasperated with you now but was still gazing at you with that peculiar expression on his face.

“I love you?” you stammered, wondering if that was, in fact, the right thing to say.

“I love you too, Y/N.”

With this, his hand on your chin guided your lips to press against his. Finally, you thought as you melted into the kiss, surrendering yourself to him. You had wanted this for so long, and now it was finally happening. Your hands were tangled in his hair like you’d wanted them to be ever since you’d first met him. One of his was supporting your neck, and the other was wrapped around your back, pulling you closer into him.

Panting, you broke away. “I should go pack. We want to be on the road soon.” He nodded, seeming to come back to reality. “I’ll be waiting here when your ready, melleth nin.” He said the words to your retreating back, and as you heard them you smiled. Spinning around again, you strode back to him and grabbed his shirt to pull his lips down to yours. “We can wait ten more minutes, right?” “Of course.” He kissed you again, and you lost yourself in him, his arms wrapped around you, holding on to each other as you would be for the rest of your lives.

Everything tag 💖: @entishramblings @boyruins @itgetsatadhazy @anjhope1

Legolas tag: @sheriffgerard

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whump-me-all-night-long · 4 years

Text

The Jewelry Box: Carnelian’s Undoing

my contribution to Spiral Day, started by @brutal-nemesis

Did I cry while writing this? Absolutely, it was like Niagara Falls over here. This is probably one of the most emotionally draining pieces I’ve ever written. It took me several different sessions, spread out over quite a few days, to get it completed. It’s also one of those where I feel like it’ll never be really and truly ready, so here it is anyways. I hope y’all enjoy it because this was one piece that I was extremely nervous to post and share.

Taglist: @newbornwhumperfly @unicornscotty @itsleighlove @whump-scribbles @getyourwhumphere @skunkandgrenade @penny-for-your-whump @lektric-whump @just-a-whump-lover @thelazywitchphotographer @restrainthenmaime @angstyachesplus @lilbitwhumpy @leaderofthebeanarmy @aquard-skaii @whumprincess @thatgaysnail @finaldreams1106 @reveriedeludesme @kemonoinuzuka @circlingravens @whumpasaurus101 @spicy-wendigo @femmewithadhd @wafflestakethecake @lonesome–hunter @as-a-matter-of-whump let me know if you want to be added/removed!

CW: thoughts of death, like so many thoughts about death, that’s basically the entire piece, acceptance of death (not in a suicidal way, more in a “I’m okay with dying” type way), beating, painful wound cleanings, noncon touching (nonsexual), implied death (but no real death), referenced grief, intimate whumper, creepy whumper, pet whump, being sold, noncon drugging, please please please let me know if I missed anything, this is a rather heavy piece and I want to make sure everyone can read it as safely as possible!

Masterlist

He was laying there, unable to move, every single inch of his body aching, a pain he’d never experienced before. Distantly, as if from another life, he heard screams, sobs, pleas that went unanswered. He wanted to move, to get up and comfort the person that had become his entire world, but he was stuck; he couldn’t move a fraction of an inch, no matter how hard he tried.

Soon enough, the horrible sounds of grief and guilt and death were replaced by the shallow, near-silent rattle of his own breath and the pounding of blood in his ears. He knew there was something important that he needed to do, something that he knew his life depended on, but he couldn’t remember what.

So instead, he just stayed there, his broken body sprawled out on the hard floor, blood pooling out from under him like a halo of death.

There was movement around him, stirring him from the half-conscious daze he was in, delirious from pain and blood loss. He blinked slowly, vision so blurry he couldn’t make out a thing, surprised to find his eyelashes meeting something wet.

Am I crying? When did I start crying?

A hand in his hair pulled his head up, the part that had been pressed into the floor feeling damp and sticky. Dark eyes met his own glazed gaze, and he saw the flash of teeth. He would’ve flinched if he could, but he couldn’t.

“Hey there, sugar,” a low, soft voice said. “You took your punishment so well. Played your part like a champ. Now my sweetheart’s breaking, all thanks to you. I knew you’d be absolutely perfect.”

For some reason, he started crying harder at that. No, he thought, I didn’t want to do this. You made me do this. He can’t break, not now.

Not over me.

The other dropped his head back down, and he went back to drifting, letting all the thoughts fall out of his head.

He woke next to the tap tap tap of footsteps. Blinking groggily, he tried to sit up, tried to get up, but the pain lancing through his body prevented him from doing more than rolling over a couple inches.

A shiny shoe resting on his cheek, pressing his head down, kept him from attempting it again. A face settled in his line of sight, and his lip curled.

The Jeweler stared at him for a moment, a pleasant smile on his face. “Hello, sugar,” he said, removing his foot and replacing it with his hand, which stroked his face in a way that made him want to push him off, but his body was still not responding to him.

He swallowed several times before cracking open his mouth. “What-” His voice was rough and hoarse, sending a cough through him. “What did you do to, to me? Where- where is he?” Panic started overwhelming him, crashing over him and pulling him down, drowning him.

He couldn’t remember anything. He had been in his cell, whispering with his world, and then there was nothingness, blankness, emptiness. Tears pricked in his eyes, and he took a shaky, shuddering breath that ended up sounding like a sob.

The Jeweler moved his hand to comb through his hair, still softly smiling. “Shh, shh,” he soothed. “Don’t you worry your pretty little head about any of that. You don’t need to remember any of this. What you need is to forget. You’re going someplace new, and you’re leaving all of this behind. Okay, sugar?”

He tried to shake his head, but it was barely more than a twitch. No, no I don’t want that. Please, don’t kill me, don’t make me leave, I can’t leave him, please.

The Jeweler laughed softly. “My silly sugar,” he said, voice dripping with condescension. “Just relax, okay?”

“Please,” he managed to whisper before his head was set back down.

The Jeweler stood, grabbing something out of his line of sight. When he did see what it was, the fat tears rolled down his face even harder. The large needle, filled with a menacing amber liquid, came close to his neck, piercing it easily with him weak and nearly paralyzed. His mouth opened to whine softly at the cold flooding into him, before it withdrew and was left alone again.

His eyes found the Jeweler and he sobbed, begging, “Please, not this, anything but this.” He just smiled.

He didn’t so much as wake up next as he did rise to consciousness, suddenly and roughly. Hands, too many hands, were touching him, grabbing him, manhandling him.

A low groan slipped out of him as he tried and failed to open his eyes and he heard a muttered curse.

“It wasn’t supposed to wear off yet, was it?” someone asked in a hushed voice.

“Who cares?” someone else responded. “It’s not like it’ll remember any of this anyways.”

He whimpered and the hands resumed their work. He could feel them harshly cleaning out his wounds, bandaging them up. The people surrounding him were thorough, his gently throbbing muscles telling him that much, and it felt like an eternity before they were done.

He sighed as they set him back down, ready to slip back off to oblivion, but then they were back, pulling at his clothing, taking it off-

He yelped as the cold air hit his sensitive skin, struggling against the hands. Weak as he was, it barely affected them, but he still heard several more curses as flailing limbs knocked into them. A backhanded slap had him stilling, though, knocking all the fight out of him and leaving him even more dizzy and disoriented than he was before.

He let them pull new clothes onto him, although they felt less like clothes and more like scraps of cold, thin cloth that barely covered him. He shivered and whimpered, high in his throat, face burning, desperately wishing he was anywhere else in the world.

Another voice joined the fray, this one too painfully familiar. “Is he ready?”

A chorus of “yes, sir”s followed, and then hands grabbed at his arms, lifting him up and dragging him along. His head rolled wildly, completely out of his control.

After what felt like an eternity, he was dropped yet again onto cold floors, crumpled in a heap. He whimpered as his head knocked against the hard tile, eyes struggling to stay open.

Distantly, he heard the Jeweler barking orders. He let the words wash over him, floating around him, unable to pierce his drug-induced bubble of semi-consciousness.

Instead, he let his thoughts drift back to him. The him that had started all of this, that he’d known since day one, that had helped him and held him, guided him and encouraged him. The him that had loved him. The him that he had loved.

It took him several moments to realize that he was crying again, silent, salty tears dripping down his face, causing the small cuts littering his skin to burn faintly. He knew he was about to die. He wasn’t scared. Angry, yes. Sad, yes. But scared? No, he wasn’t scared of death at all.

He used to be scared of being stuck in this hell on earth for the rest of his life, of never escaping, always stuck in this stasis. Now, he was scared of leaving him behind, not knowing what was going to happen to the person he was about to die for. Wherever he went after this, he didn’t want him to follow very quickly.

No, he wanted him to escape, to forget, to live. He wanted him to find someone else, someone new, to make him happy, who understood and forgave. Maybe one day he’d tell this new person about the old one, the one who had been sacrificed to get him there.

There was only one regret he had. The one thing they’d sworn never to say, he wished he had said. And he wished he had heard it in return.

I promise, if I make it out of this, the first thing I’ll do when I escape - when, not if - is find you and tell you that I lo-

He was yanked out of his thoughts by hands grabbing him, lifting him. One last tear rolled down his face, into his hairline. He took a deep breath, one of his last. He felt ready to die. He didn’t mind dying, not for this reason.

He wondered, vaguely, how he would go. Would it be a bullet? Fire? Knife? Poison?

It was none of those things.

He was placed inside a large wooden box. His hands were easily tied behind his back with what felt like silky ropes, and his ankles were forced together with the same material. A cloth gag was placed in his mouth, securely fastened around his head. He blinked slowly, confusion evident on his face. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go.

Somewhere above him, the Jeweler stood, seen through flashes of dark hair and pale skin, sparkling teeth and bright eyes. He reached down into the box to cup his cheek, stroking a smooth thumb over his skin, pressing lightly into a blooming bruise there.

“Just a bit beat up, right, sugar?” he said, almost.. gently? “By the time you get there, you’ll be nearly back to full health, I dare say.” There? Where was there? “Just close your eyes now, and stay calm, alright? You’re doing such a good job here, making me a wonderful sum along with a new business associate. You’ve really been the perfect Jewel for me, sugar.”

The hand withdrew, and he almost found himself missing the warmth of it when the light above him was cut off, something large being placed over the top of the box. It wasn’t until a painfully loud whirring sound started that he realized that it was the lid, and it was being drilled down, secure and unable to be broken.

Then the box was being lifted into the air and he went rolling as much as he could, unable to stop himself due to his restrained limbs. There was a hard thump and he banged his head against the side of the box, immediately losing consciousness.

When he woke up next, he was still in the box. It seemed like it was in some sort of plane, gliding smoothly through the air, occasionally tilting to one side or the other. He breathed in a ragged breath, most of his memories coming back to him. As he struggled to pull himself up into somewhat of a sitting position, he remembered three things, three very important things:

One. His name was Carnelian. He’d all but forgotten the name he had before that. The name that mattered was Carnelian.

Two. He was supposed to be dead, but he wasn’t. Instead, he was being sold, shipped off to God knows where, to God knows who.

Three. He had to get back to Sapphire. He had to find the love of his life again, rescue him and tell him that he loved him.

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