#psycosis

[the-holy-void]

it feels kinda shitty of me, but I hate when I feel like im drowning and all I get is

"just believe in your self and you can overcome this!"

"youre so functional, your doing great"

"you are so self aware! thats amazing"

I dont need a pep talk I need help.

[reader-twisted]

[urfavisdisabled]

Our first post is Yuki Takeya from school live! SPOILERS

Yuki struggles from an unnamed psychotic disorder and is heavily implied to have ptsd and a developmental/intellectual disability. In the show she experiences frequent and severe delusions and hallucinations. She is eventually able to improve over the course of the series

Negative stereotypes? None! Despite experiencing psychosis Yuki is never seen as an evil person, nor does she fall into the "psychotic killer" stereotype

[iggyartsblog]

A small vent about marble hornets and creepypasta becoming a recent trend

Tw for description of psychosis, gore description

Read if you wish, if not just enjoy the gifs

Marble hornets is on its 15th year anniversary this year and because of this it's resurfaced and there's a wave of new age fans that enjoy the web show and have delved deeper into creepypasta lore as well as the slenderverse. On a normal person level I have no issues with this. I don't believe In gatekeeping analogue horror from back in my time from today's generation, especially something as good as marble hornets.

My issue is this (Trauma dump incoming) : from the age of 7 I was suffering deep psychosis as a result of using creepypasta and marble hornets as a way of coping with trauma and the stress I was under with neglect and having to look after my sick parent and having no healthy friendship in school. Yes, I was one of those kids who wished with all their hearts that the slenderman would come and take them away and make their problems disappear. The problem was I wanted it too much so my brain just made it happen. I was suffering from really bad derealisation as well as auditory and visual hallucinations of the characters. They would talk and interact with me, just not in the way I wanted them too. I remember so vividly washing up after dinner one night and seeing laughing jack break through the door and stab me in the stomach. I remember watching as my stomach and intestine dropped out of my body as he picked them up and swallowed them by the handful while still managing to maniacally laugh in my face. I screamed until my dad came in and told me jokingly to shut up, clearly not seeing my distress.

These hallucinations impacted my social life too. It was clear to me that there was a handful of them that were not out to get me and wouldn't hurt me if I played along with them. The most normal thing I had to do was just not ignore them. I hallucinated ticci toby a lot, especially in public. I had learned that if I didn't talk back to him he would get agitated and I would have nightmares of the slenderman murdering me so I would always talk back. This made going out with friends difficult because I had to respond to him no matter what. This lead to a lot of bullying from my friends and not many people wanting to talk to me.

For years, until I was 12, I kept slipping through the narrative I was either schizophrenic or actually one of the followers of the slenderman (I used to call myself a proxy, now the word makes me feel physically ill). This belief is probably what made the hallucinations last as long as they did. I wasn't aware at the time how deep in psychosis I was as I refused to talk to my parents about it in detail as my mum used to threaten to take me to a mental hospital as a small child when I used my imagination and said I could see a butterfly, for example, that wasn't really there. My sister knew and so did her friend but I'm sure they both thought it was some game.

So, I'm speaking in the past tense. This is behind me, right? Well, it was for a good few years. I was able to do this via limiting myself all access to anything creepypasta related or marble hornets related which was very hard because it was like my safety blanket for so many years. I tried to not put myself in rooms alone without music or something playing in the background so I can concentrate on that and not give anything the chance to harm me. When I did hallucinate I would take videos to prove to myself nobody was there and in time I was able to ignore them completely and the eventually went away. This took about a year or so of discipline and I think it only worked because it was psychosis and not schizophrenia.

However, the reason I'm talking about this now is it's all come back to me. I'm hallucinating again, I'm being hurt again and I'm unable to sleep properly because of the nightmares that plague me due to it. The reason is very clear to me. Media consumption has caused me to relapse. My girlfriend is obsessed with marble hornets and won't stop showing me stuff about it, which is totally fine because she shows me things she likes out of love. However, when I open Tumblr after it's full of marble hornets and creepypasta. It's the same story for other social media. I'm totally okay with people enjoying the fandom and I'm okay with seeing it from time to time but I do feel so bombarded with it all that's it's triggered me into psychosis yet again. And the way people enjoy this media isn't making me feel any more comfortable online either. You cannot imagine what it's like seeing IRLs of monsters that's harmed you physically and mentally roleplaying and twinkifying the character like the character hasn't killed people or tortured people in their source. I can't stand people simping over Tim from marble hornets after I've repeatedly been assaulted and tormented by a figment of my imagination with the exact same face. Having Jeff the killers bloody and broken face sting like a fresh wound in salt over my eyes when I fall asleep seems like a complete contrast to the hot fuckboy version that people put in their pfps and dirty talk on character ai. I'm not saying you can't be thirsty for a man with no eyelids, my point is it's really strange from my point of view.

Now that you've listened to my rant I just want to make it absolutely clear that if you enjoy marble hornets or creepypasta or the slenderverse you have all the right to keep loving that media. I don't want to put people off or make it seem like I'm trying to gatekeep. I do just want to share a very brief overview of my experience with this media and how it's affected me in hopes it might prevent someone else from going through something similar. This is also a reminder for all horror fans to take a break once in a while to cleanse yourself of all violence and fear for a while and look at some positive media to rest your brain once in a while.

I doubt anyone would be interested in hearing more about my experience with psychosis but if you are ill gladly talk more about it. I'm going to do everything I can to overcome this unwanted sequel and I will over come out weather social media and the people around me let me or not. I've done this before and I'll do it again.

[bloodyredhanded]

pyschotic episode art

[spocks-husband]

what's a little genocide between friends?

[p4ws-n-cl4ws]

i can't except the fact it's a possibility😭

also happy disability awareness month lmao

[yellowyarn]

i dont want to hear about the "weird" guy you saw who said the world was going to end. shut up about the person who was clearly experiencing psychosis or some other mental health episode. stop taking photos of them, telling your friends, staring or calling the cops, its not that hard to ignore them i promise you.

[awetistic-things]

do periods make psychosis worse ? just trying to find a valid reason to excuse the butterfly embroidery on my pants coming to life

[urfavisdisabled]

This is Lain Iwakura from Serial Experiments Lain! (submission request)

TW: Suicide, Psycosis

Lain is shown to experience psychosis throughout the series. The events of the series follow our protagonist after receiving an email that one of her classmates had committed suicide. The series follows many themes of trauma from this. She is heavily implied to have SPD (schizoid personality disorder)

Negative stereotypes?

None! While the show does somewhat follow the "psychotic killer" stereotype, she is considered an icon among both fans of the series and those who experience similar symptoms.

NOTE: I have not completed this series. I have done my best to piece together the general plot, but there may be misinformation. If i come across any vital informatoin i will take down and rewrite this post. Thank you for your kindness

[bearwizzard999]

Fig No. 1

[rataepileptica]

"PURGING MY EGO"

[kn0w-h0p3]

i’s

[ancientarchitectureenjoyer]

yeah izzy is definitely the best representation for psychosis

trent though

[drugsneko]

I keep hearing something calling my name in the distance

should i befriend the voices?

should i believe what they say?

[whole-wide-oddity]

It’s already been a few months since I had hallucinations; I don’t even remember the last thing I saw or heard or felt. I wish I remember and knew at that moment that it was the last and tell goodbye for good. I don’t even know if it was the last one and won’t happen again.

But whatever comes I hope I don’t wish to not exist anymore, won’t try to lock in the bathroom and end myself, won’t become depressed and miserable. And I’m writing this post because I want to remind myself in the future that, despite constant anxiety which I don’t give a second thought anymore for the things I went through, I will remember that there was a single moment in my life, when I felt content with myself.

Whatever comes next, I’m ready.