#put them in google translate if you wanna know exactly what they mean

[starlightseraph]

the world needs this right now.

[sasaranurude]

Coly, the company behind Mahoyaku and Stand My Heroes, have announced a new game. Some friends and I realized that despite looking somewhat generic at first glance, it's got a handful of intriguing things going on with it! So here's a quick kind of long introduction to/my thoughts on Break My Case!

First: the website! The music on the site is really good! Go listen while you read this post!! There are 12 people listed as composers in the credits page, and it seems most every VA involved has at least a bit of experience with singing or music projects. The tone is a bit dark for a rhythm game (though I'm not ruling that out entirely), but otherwise it seems like there's gonna be a music focus. Cool! As far as other staff goes--the main scenario writer is also the writer of Stand My Heroes, and the character designer is Utako Yukihiro, who also did some work for B-Project.

The story concerns a cafe with a myriad of eccentric employees that runs an after-hours service where they solve problems. The exact nature of all this is left pretty vague.

And the draw for a game like this: The characters! Interestingly, they're divided into different departments at the cafe. What exactly those departments do isn't clear yet. As for the characters themselves--the more we looked at them, the more we liked them, lol. Quick summaries about what intrigued us about each guy. Note that these are not translations, none of us are fluent in Japanese (we all know just enough to get by with the google+jisho combo lol), and this should all be taken with a grain of salt.

The Main Office, consisting of Ai Kosaka, Yuzuru Kise, and Roka Suoh. (Names are listed in western given-family order because that's what the site uses for romanized names.) Roka is the one who owns the cafe, is the oldest character in the bunch at 36, and is that fun "mysterious guy with unknown backstory and an endless amount of weird acquaintances, who acts incompetent but might actually be hypercompetent" type of trope.

On account of the whole acting-incompetent thing, Ai and Yuzuru run the actual cafe business. And normally I won't be including fullbody character art in this post but I have to make an exception just this once.

Anyways.

Tumblr won't let me put four images in a row. Come on man. I wanna maintain the BMC's site style. Why are you mean to me. Anyways. The Simulation Department, consisting of Kou Ayato, Mao Ukyo, Akehoshi Hinomiya, and Yuragi Kanno. "Simulation" is its English name given on the site, but the Japanese given would probably read more like "relationship department".

Kou is a footloose playboy and Mao is a serious intellectual type, but apparently Kou will ask Mao to pretend to be his girlfriend so that he can avoid trouble with women. That's gay. I love that. (Mao is a guy [as far as we know], he just likes makeup--he's not the only one in that cast who does, either!) We all want Mao's outfit.

Akehoshi was a sleeper hit in the group chat, because his bio has a sentence about how he's the most normal-looking-yet-dangerous employee at the cafe, and also explicitly describes him as being like a dog, and naturally we all went crazy for the silly puppy as soon as we realized that he was in fact a silly puppy. Yuragi, on the other hand, likes cats. Such a classic for his character design trope, lmao.

The Administrative Department, consisting of Taiga Tsukimoto, Haruhi Ichikawa, and Sei Okiya. Taiga looks cool but if you look at his fullbody he's wearing awful sweatpants and apparently he cries while watching anime. I love this for him. Haruhi is a streamer because that's like an obligatory character trope now I guess. Sei was very popular in the group chat for being the single most suspicious character in the cast. What's his problem.

The Watchdog Department (or enforcement department, if you translate the jpn) consists of Shizuka Fushimi, Takeru Mikado, Soyogu Shinkai, and Shinobu Aizawa.

My friend described Shizuka as a "wet looking glasshole" and yeah. ok. unfortunately he does look like that. But it's ok he's allowed because his bio says he prefers quiet, orderly places with plants and no people and keeps to himself in common spaces but his own room is a complete mess. AKA he's an autism king. So I like him.

Takeru was obviously a hit because look at them. Takeru and Mao talk about makeup together, apparently. CUTE! Shinobu is the most fashionable guy in the cast and his bio says he has a few screws loose, which is amazing. Good for him. I have nothing to say about Soyogu I think I forgot he existed until I was putting this post together and I only looked at these all guys a few hours ago

The Negotiation Department, with Kiho Arima, Kyoya Shido, and Riku Tateshina. I described this group as "grandma, grandpa, and Columbo" and then the group chat couldn't call any of them anything else. And I do mean grandma. Because. ok. another fullbody. Because oh my god we have to look at Kiho.

GIRL. WHAT. IS. THAT. YOU'RE WEARING A CARPET. YOU'RE WEARING A COUCH. kiho is apparently a fortune teller and my friend acted as if this excused the outfit but i DONT agree i don't think anything excuses this. WHAT IS THAAAAAT

Kyoya is an artist and Riku is a psychologist so honestly this is a really fun bunch of jobs going on in this department. Riku is described as someone who falls in love easily, and he's most interested in Ai (from the Main Office, the very first guy in this post). We couldn't tell if the implication there is that he's in love with Ai, or if he falls in love with random people and yet his true attention always drifts back to Ai. Both of these options are gay.

The ST (special tasks) Department, with Yomose Onda, Yu Nina, Kamiya, and Urara Manami.

Yu had his life saved by Tomose and has now dedicated himself to him, to the point of being ready to die for him. YOU GOTTA LOVE THAT. INCREDIBLE TROPE. UNBEATABLE. GAY AS HELL. All we know from Tomose's side is that he's "fond" of Yu. That's fine I'm sure you can learn to love him. Or learn to hate him. Whatever's more entertaining.

Kamiya has no memory, hence the singular name. I'm sure whatever's going on there is weird and interesting. Urara is the youngest character, at 20. THAT'S RIGHT. THE YOUNGEST CHARACTER IS 20. THERE ARE ZERO TEENAGERS! THE AVERAGE CHARACTER AGE IS AROUND 26. THIS SHOULDN'T BE AS NOTABLE AS IT IS BUT THAT'S GACHA GAMES FOR YOU. Anyways I like Urara because I think he looks like an angry kitty.

Anyways, that's the gist of what we know about BMC--or BreMai, if you wanna go for something closer to the jpn abbreviation--right now. More info might drop at/around Animate Girls Fest, since they seem to be giving out game beta codes there. I don't know if I'm completely sold on it just yet--coly did just have a detective-themed gacha game fail a few months ago with &0. But we're not even completely sure it is a gacha yet, or what kind of gameplay it might have otherwise, so... there's a bit of hope. Maybe it'll be a weird cool dark rhythm game! Who knows!!!

[dasmidna]

How to write German in your König fanfics by a native speaker

It’s basically exactly what it says in the title. These last days, I’ve made a hobby out of reading König fanfiction and looking at the German in them and if I see one more bad google translation, I think I might actually cry

Listen, I have used google translate too. I admit that and I know that resources are limited unless you have a native speaker around. That’s what this guide is for!

Also, if you have any further questions or want a translation on something, absolutely feel free to message me. I have no problem giving you guys specific translations if it means I don’t have to read any more google translate stuff XD

If you’re just looking for a list of curses and pet names, because I feel like that’s the most used stuff, they’re at the very end. If you wanna learn more about German though, stick around! 

The contents of this includes:

German dialects

the German alphabet

gendered language

capitalization

the formal “you”

conjugation/declension

direct translations and when not to translate

writing bilingual characters

a note for smut writers

pet names

curses

German dialects So, first things first, unlike König, I am not Austrian. I’m German, meaning I speak, well, German-German if you so will.

The thing is though, König’s VA doesn’t speak Austrian-German either. Both in the English and the German dub of the game, he speaks the most accent-free standardized High German I have ever seen in my life. It’s a common thing in the dubbing industry to do, but I still feel like it’s worth pointing out that it’s not exactly accurate.

Germany is an official language in 6 different countries, in which the language will be different and that is not counting each different state in those, where equally vast differences can occur.

I have a Berlin accent, for example. If someone spoke to me in a Saxon accent, I wouldn’t understand shit and that’s just two states over.

So keep in mind that this guide caters to High German, which is the standard for the written language and also what König speaks in the game. It is not, however, an accurate representation of what an Austrian guy actually sounds like.

The German alphabet Ah yes. The enemy of every non-native speaker, right after the ultra-long Frankenstein words.

Generally speaking, German does use the Latin alphabet like English. Only that we have 30 letters instead of 26. The four special characters would be: ä, ö, ü and ß

I find it important to point out that those are their own characters. They are not interchangeable with any other character in the alphabet. ä is not the same as a, ö is not o and so on. So if I see one more person spelling König as Konig, I will commit arson.

And that is also the only thing I will actively blame people for. Google giving you bad translations is not your fault. But this? This irks me in ways you can’t even imagine. It would be like spelling king as kang, for example. You wouldn’t do this in English so please don’t do it in German either.

What do you do then if you have a limited keyboard? Well, either you use copy and paste (the easy way), or you use the official workaround. And yes, there are official replacements for these

Ä = Ae / ä = ae

Ö = Oe / ö = oe

Ü = ue / ü = ue

ẞ = SS / ß = ss

As you can see, the capital ß is replaced by two capital S instead of one capital and one lowercase. This is because this letter can never stand at the beginning of a word and thus, it would only be capitalized if you write in all caps.

It should also be said that not every ss can be replaced with an ß. You can write “Straße” as “Strasse” but you can’t spell “dass” as “daß”. It is not wrong per se as far as I know, but you just wouldn’t do it.  

Gendered language German is, to put it mildly, a very gendered language.

Linguistically, German has 3 genders: masculine, feminine, neutral. You need to watch out for this because it means there is often a male and female version for certain words.

Arzt = male doctor

Ärztin = female doctor

Also, even inanimate objects have gender. Cars are neutral, trees are masculine, the sun is feminine and so on.

A lot of times, people will use the “generic masculine”, meaning they will use the male version and “mean the women too”. Nowadays this is counted as outdated and insulting towards women/other female presenting identities.

Is this a very binary system? Yes. Which actually brings us to another issue: there is no they/them in German. There are workarounds, like neopronouns or other ways to describe people, but this is generally really tricky.

Long story short: watch out what gender the person you’re referring to is.

Capitalization This is by far the most common mistake I see made in fanfiction.

While in English, things are generally written in lowercase unless they’re names or things like “I” for example, German has a few extra rules

Nouns – these are always written with a capital letter. And yes, this includes pet names. Anything from Liebling to Maus or whatever else you chose, it needs to be capitalized. I beg you.

verbs that act as nouns – Now this rarely comes up in fanfiction and as far as I can see, platforms like google translate actually get this right, so I won’t get too far into this, but if you give an article to a verb, something like “the walking” it has to be capitalized in German

Formal pronouns – Which brings us to the next point!

The formal “you” Long story short: German has two variants of the pronoun “you”

One is the formal and polite way to address someone, the other is the informal and more casual version. Depending on the social context, people can be very picky about which version to use and addressing someone by the wrong version can be counted as an insult.

Formal you – Sie/Ihnen/Sie

Informal you – du/dir/dich

When do you use formal pronouns? Well, it depends. Here are the two main scenarios in which you would address someone formally

They’re above you in the social hierarchy. Your boss, teacher, superior, someone a lot older than you. All these people would be addressed with formal pronouns. Of course you wouldn’t address your family formally. Same if you count older people as close friends/found family.

You’re addressing an adult you don’t know personally. This can also depend a lot on context. A teacher will address an 18-year-old student formally, but the students will talk to each other informally among each other, even if they don’t know each other. Generally, you start addressing people formally around their 18th birthday or if you assume they’re around that age. If you’re the same age as someone, it depends a lot on the social context and how old you are, exactly.

Both of these examples can be ignored if the other person offers the informal you. Say you’re starting to befriend a coworker, the two of you would at some point agree to use “du” with each other. 

Conjugation/declension I know this sounds really grammar specific, but I noticed that platforms like google can’t conjugate or decline properly if they have too little information. Mostly because German grammar is a lot more dependent on context than English grammar is and also slightly more complicated.

An example!

Let’s work with the English word “promise”, which we can use in two contexts. Either as a verb or a noun. In both cases, it looks fairly similar and aside form promise/promises/promised, you won’t have much variation in both the verb’s conjugation and the noun’s declension.

German, however…oh boy. 

As a noun, it would be “Versprechen” and as a verb, it would be “versprechen”. Looks similar enough you say? Until you realize that the noun can be:

das Versprechen

des Versprechens

dem Versprechen

die Versprechen

These tiny differences can change a lot in the meaning of the sentence and also, how it has to look. Verbs aren’t any better either.

Let’s say you want your character to say “Promise?” as a short form of “Do you promise me that?”. In both sentences, the verb looks the same.

Put “Promise?” into Google translate however, you get “Versprechen?”. Which, as you can see, is the noun. It can be the infinitive verb form, but either would be wrong to use here.

Instead, “Promise?” should be “Versprochen?” (which is actually past tense) and “Do you promise me that?” would be “Versprichst du mir das?”

You see the problem?

What Google translate gave you is not wrong necessarily. It is a correct translation in a certain context. Only that it’s not the context you want to portray. So if you do use google translate or similar, give as much context as you possibly can.

Direct translations and when not to translate Sometimes, it’s honestly just better to don’t translate something at all. This might sound weird at first, but hear me out

I’ve seen it a couple of times that people will put military ranks into google translate and then have König refer to people by those titles.  

A couple of issues with that.

Again. Context. Say for example you give google the word “Captain”. It will give you the word used in the navy, which would be “Kapitän”. However, the actual equivalent rank in the army would be “Hauptmann”

Titles and ranks are rarely actually translated. Sometimes because they don’t have an equivalent or it’s too much of a hassle to mentally search for it or even just because they’re counted as part of the name. So, even if the entire sentence is in German, König would for example still say “Sergeant MacTavish” to Soap instead of “Feldwebel MacTavish”

When it comes to other direct translations, it just doesn’t work sometimes. Different languages don’t just have different words for things, they have different contexts and cultures associated with it. Languages work differently.

Another example for the last one in terms of pet names. Do not translate English pet names directly. It doesn’t work.

Let’s take “love”. Google Translate gives you “Liebe” as the translation. Which is not wrong, that’s the translation for the noun. The pet name however does not work like that, which is something I’ll touch on in the pet names part.

A problem is also that sometimes, your target language has more words, sometimes it has less. The best thing would be to look up a word in an actual bilingual dictionary. PONS is a great example.

Writing bilingual characters For the love of god, please don’t write bilingual characters switching their language in the middle of their sentence. I know that Activision didn’t do that much better, considering that König’s voice lines often do this mistake, but that’s not how bilingual people talk.

If we don’t know a word, we try to find a way around it. We don’t just say our native word, unless there’s someone around who speaks our native language or the two languages are related. Spanish and Italian would be a prime example for that but also German and Dutch, the Slavic languages or Nordic languages amongst each other.

Curses are an exception to this. At least personally, I do use German curses when talking to English-speakers. But even that is rare and really only happens as a knee-jerk reaction. Somebody scaring me, for example.

But other than that? Bilingual characters are completely able to separate their native language from any others they have learned.

Besides, König would have started learning English fairly young, I assume. I can only speak for the German education system but here, English became mandatory in 4th grade and was only droppable by grade 11. 

For smut writers I’m just gonna go ahead and say it: no German-speaker I know, me included, finds German dirty talk sexy. And to us, other German accents are also not considered hot. They’re just…weird.

Really, just once I want to see König absolutely cringing at using German in bed, especially if it’s heavily accented because that would be an accurate representation XD

Pet names Keep in mind that with German being a gendered language, a lot of these have a male and female version. Also take a look at the disclaimers. Just because these are actual pet names doesn’t mean people actually use them.  

Liebling – darling

meine Liebe (fem.)/mein Lieber (masc.) – my love; rare as an actual pet name and rather used in a teasing sense

Maus/Mausi/Mäuschen – mouse/little mouse/cute mouse

Spatz/Spatzi/Spätzchen – sparrow/little sparrow/cute sparrow

Hase/Hasi/Häschen – bunny/little bunny/cute bunny

Schatz/Schazi/Schätzchen – treasure/little treasure/cute treasure; Schätzchen can be very condescending if used towards woman and in general, this one is a 50/50 thing. Either you love it or you hate it. Personally, I know more people that hate it, but there are also some psychos that use this unironically  

Engel/Engelchen – angel/cute angel

Süße (fem.)/Süßer (masc.) – sweet one; same as Schatz. Not really liked and can be very creepy, especially if used on women

Herzblatt –This is rather used when talking about your partner instead of talking to them. As far as I know, it comes from the heart cards in a card deck and basically means your partner is good luck

Another thing to watch out for: the word for a platonic friend is the same as a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Freund (masc.)/Freundin (fem.) = platonic friend

Freund (masc.)/Freundin (fem.) = boyfriend/girlfriend

Oftentimes, the latter is often made clear through saying “fester Freund/feste Freundin”, which would mean something like permanent or attached friend (don’t question it).

Sometimes it also depends on context again: “eine Freundin”, meaning “a female friend” is often seen as platonic vs. “meine Freundin” with “meine” meaning “mine”, it is often interpreted as romantic.

Some more terms for spouses would be

Ehemann (masc.) – husband

Ehefrau (fem.) – wife

mein Mann (masc.)/meine Frau (fem.) – shortened version of husband and wife

Lebensgefährte (masc. or neutral)/Lebensgefährtin (fem.) – literally means “life partner” and refers to either a husband/wife or an otherwise long-term romantic partner

Partner (masc. or neutral)/Partnerin (fem.) – just means partner

Curses Ah, yes. Let is just be said there are a lot of curses in German and we can get quite creative too. Sometimes, insults and curses can just be everyday words used in a certain sense. I shall compile some general ones here, however, as well as some of my personal favorites

I have to assume that some of these are a special quirk of my native dialect, so use with caution.

Scheiße – shit

verdammt – damn

verdammte Scheiße – fucking hell (literally “damned shit”)

Schnauze/Klappe/Fresse! – shut up!

Halt die Schnauze/Klappe/Fresse! – shut your mouth!

Fick dich – fuck you

Leck mich am Arsch – kiss my ass

Leck mich – kiss my ass, but shortened

Hackfresse – refers to someone who is ugly (literally “a face like ground beef”)

Arschloch – asshole

Du kannst mich mal – similar to fuck you/fuck me

Hast du Lack gesoffen? – are you crazy? (literally “did you drink paint?”)

alternatively: Er/Sie hat zu viel Lack gesoffen – He/she is crazy (literally “He/She drank too much paint”)

Du bist dumm wie ein Meter Feldweg – literally “You’re as stupid as a meter of dirt road”, means someone is being very stupid

Du denkst auch nur von der Wand bis zur Tapete – literally “Your train of thought reaches from the wall to the tapestry”, also meaning someone is very stupid

Intelligenzallergiker – someone allergic to intelligence, so very stupid

Warmduscher – refers to a very whiny/sensitive person (literally “someone who takes a warm shower”), mainly used for men

Nervensäge – refers to someone who is very annoying (“someone who saws your nerves”)

Arschkriecher – refers to someone who tries to earn the favor of another, in a very annoying way (“someone who crawls in someone else’s ass”)

Pissnelke – a nerd or know-it-all (literally made up of the words “piss” and “carnation”)

Arschgeige – annoying idiot (comes from the words “ass” and “violin”)

[imhereforscm]

My mom reacts to SCM part 1:

The only knowledge she has is EVERYTHING regards Scorpio and can spot Dui and actually remembers his name. That's all. Lol.

Enjoy!

Intro:

• Me: shall we start?

My mom: Omg... They're a lot... They're twelve. Good thing they're not more.

• Mom: He's giving: "I'm calm, bring my drinks at the beach. Ey! Young man! Bring the umbrella! I'm burning up!" Especially with that hand in the air.

• Mom: He's a "run for me" guy. Even if flames are around him, he doesn't care as long as they bring him what he ordered.

• Mom: and he wants someone to apply sunscreen on him. He's also going to dye streaks in his hair afterwards

• Me: wanna keep going?

Mom: yeah, let him have his drinks now

• Me: this was leo

Mom: it shows

• Mom: I've given exams. I know him. I'm getting my degree

• Mom: he's like "I'm keeping you steel so I can search you. Where did you put the items you stole?! What did you steal from me?!"

• Mom: This is the interrogation room. He's yelling at her to say who her abettor is.

• *someone's yelling from the soccer game on TV*

Mom: Why is he yelling?! The man over there has more important problems! They're gonna rob him!

• Me: The god of Taurus

• Mom: That?? He's "Let's hurry so we can manage to go on a date! Before they find out we've sneaked clandestinely into the cinema!" And then they fall in love.

• Mom: While they're running, he looks behind them to see if she lost her heel. Unless she's wearing one with a strap. Then he's looking to see if they're still chasing them.

• Mom: He's giving me incentives, but I can't come up with anything right now.

• Me: You once told me he has an idiotic expression.

Mom: Not now. Now he can't keep an eye out to see if they're being chased and be an idiot.

• Mom: Afterwards, he's gonna ask her to go for bowling or to the park. Now that they've gotten away!!

• Me: Here! I'll show you this one next!

Mom: ಠ⁠_⁠ʖ⁠ಠ

• Me: Do you remember him? *we loose the picture*

Mom: Maybe he remembers me, that's why he left.

• Mom: It seems that he's considering if he wants to flirt with you or you're with somebody else. But more than anything, he seems sleepy. I look like that when I'm sleepy too.

• Mom: He's either Virgo or Gemini. I'd say Pisces too, but Pisces's are very boring (she actually used a Greek word for it, that I can't translate exactly. but that's basically what it means. Google translate says "motherfucker" AND THAT'S NOT IT)

• Me: He's your grandson.

Mom: When did I acquire him?! What's happening? How many grandchildren do I have?

• Me: Will you buy him candy?

Mom: No, I don't want to ruin his teeth. How will Joconda smile?

• Me: The Aquarius

Mom: The rain caught up to him on the road. That's why his hair is that way. And now he's devastated, because he didn't bring an umbrella with him.

• Mom: The tuft in the middle?? Does it not bother him?? I just saw it and I'm irritated.

• Me: Anything else?

Mom: Wait... That's his hand?!? I thought it was his foot! I thought he was sitting with his legs crossed!

• Mom: The sun is appearing. The storm is going away. He's gonna dry now!

• Me: In which department is he?

Mom: I don't know...

Me: He's wearing all white, what is he?

Mom: An ice cream man.

• Mom: The people reading this will be cursing at me, right?

• Me: the Pisces

Mom: I won't commend on the blind. It's as if he has taken the eyeless for a stroll. Why is he running?? He's gonna kill her, blind as she is!

• Mom: It's as if he has gotten out of the shower and has tied his hair up to blow dry and something happened and he grabbed the blind and began running.

• Mom: He's the god of the blind. Not Pisces.

• Mom: He could be a woman.

I'll be posting the second part(⁠◠⁠‿⁠・⁠)⁠—⁠☆

[roscgcld]

HEADCANON + FUSHIGURO MEGUMI || relationship things

request: Can you do sfw and nsfw relationship hcs for Fushiguro

note: hello love! i wouldn’t mind doing some hcs for our little shy bean! tbh, i am not going to lie, this did not take me long to thing lmao - this is my first nsfw work on this blog tho! so this was definitely fun.

pronouns: them/they

note: aged-up!fushiguro! x reader, nsfw content below - please skip if you’re uncomfortable

other than that, enjoy~

sfw

if you two ever share a home together, i feel like he’s the kind of guy who would string fairy lights around your home because it’s cozy to him? 

definitely have dog themed couple items - matching dog themed slippers, mugs, even decorative plates if you allow him to

bet you they are both modelled after his shikigami dogs - since they were the first shikigami to submit to him. so they always hold a special place in his heart

i feel like even though he trains hard, he still likes to keep his hands in good condition. so there is tubes of hand lotion scattered everywhere, at the most random of places by the way

speaking to that - you two might have manicure weekends at home; where he’d spend some time just trimming and caring for his hands and fingernails. he’d do yours if you ask him to

sometimes he’d come home dead tired and just collapses on you wordlessly - wrapping his arms around you tightly whilst burying his face into your neck 

would sigh in content when you wrap your arms around him and hold him close, just running your fingers through his hair gently and tracing your fingers down the back of his neck

if you try to ask him about work, he’d either tell you everything in detail or nothing at all - there is no in between 

most times it’s just him grumbling about gojo and yuji, who he’d once said they both ‘shave so many years off my life just by breathing’

when he’s away on missions, he’ll call you just so you two can go about your day. no words are needed, but he just wants to hear you go about your day. it calms him down, and reminds himself that you’re going to be there for him

weekend visits to his sister - who survived the Shibuya incident and is now recovering slowly under the care of Ieiri (this is not canon by the way - in the manga we still have no idea how things are gonna turn out for her after the whole Geto thing)

having random members of the zen’in clan coming to your shared home asking if you’d talk to them about trying to convince fushiguro to become a zen’in

if fushiguro is home at the time, he’d send his devine dog on them; listening to their terrified screams with a pleased smile as they ran away from your home

“that’s not really nice, gumi.” 

“yeah, yeah - wanna go grab some bingsu?”

honey, you are set for life by the way - mans can cook a bomb ass meal. and from what we know, learns quick too. so if you want to try something new, just give him a few minutes to google and watch a tutorial on it and i bet your ass he can recreate it down to a t

feel like he gives the best massages - don’t tell me otherwise. his hands are definitely made for more then just battles

enjoys it when you would whisper sweet nothings to him after a long week of work - getting more and more cuddly the longer you shower him in praises

he’s more talkative around you compared to others, more willing to share his emotions and how he’s feeling - even though sometimes he finds it hard to find the right words

he lets you wear his clothes - shirts, sweaters, hoodies, sweats. you name it, he’d just gives it to you. finds it cute how you’re drowned in the fabric

enjoys blow drying your hair; idk, i just see him with a peaceful expression on his face, carefully blow drying your hair for you after a warm shower together

would give you actual advice on your outfit - i feel like he’s the one who helps yuji and nobara put together their outfits together whenever they go out of town

nothing is out of place in your home - there is always a compartment for it, or a space on the shelf, or in a drawer

cooking dates together - if you can’t cook, he’ll teach you. if you can cook, you two will try something new together

feel like he’s a dark chocolate fanatic - so you guys will always have a shit ton of chocolate in your home

on some days you’ll come home and just have nue stretched out over your living room, your boyfriend just watching the tv before him whilst petting the owl-like shikigami like it’s a domesticated cat

“oh, hey babe.” he’d greet with a casual nod at you whilst you stand in the hallway, blinking in confusion

idk, i feel like you two have a chilled but lowkey chaotic relationship - since he is friends with gojo, yuji and nobara. but it’s still really loving, with more physical instead of verbal shows of affection. you’ll be treated like a queen/king, and as long as megumi has it, he will make sure you know how much he loves you, even if he’s not by your side due to work

nsfw

okay, i get he’s all innocent and is dense in everything else besides jujutsu - but you have to remember this dude’s dad is fushiguro fucking togi

don’t tell me this man is kink-less - there is no fucking way 

i mean yeah, when you two first get down and dirty together, i feel like he’s all awkward and unsure at first, since he didn’t want to hurt you 

but i get this vibe that he knows exactly what he wants - but let’s remember he’s still a shy bean that refuses to do anything with you until he is 100% comfortable

stress sex happens often - i can bet you that this man will probably come home with a dark look on his face, push you onto the nearest flat surface and just grinds against your ass

people keep saying that he’s a boobs man - and i can see that. doubt he really gives a shit about the size, he just enjoys how he can play with your nipples and have you squirm underneath him 

he enjoys tugging your hair - there is just something about wrapping your soft strands between his fingers whilst he fucks you hard; hearing your voice loud and clear

feel like he’s a doggy man; enjoys running his large hand down your back and gripping the back of your neck. how he can shove your face into the mattress whilst fucking you silly from the back

lowkey has a dumbification kink - enjoys whenever you fucked so good by him that you’re basically drooling and babbling absolute nonsense at him

enjoys leaving hickeys on places you’d never notice at first - on your back, back of your hip, small of your back, shoulder blades. he enjoys you coming up to him with a blush on your face and smacking his shoulder, whining to him that nobara and maki saw the hickeys he left all over to you

bruises on your hips are also a common thing too - he’s hands are so strong and rough that sometimes he just forgets that your skin is delicate and you can bruise easily. he’ll apologise, then add new ones on top of the old ones 

enjoys choking you as well - loves to feel your racing pulse under his fingertips and how you tighten around him whenever he tightens his old around you more

dacryphilia - definitely feels a thrill go through him when you’d look up at him with tear soaked lashes and stained cheeks. makes him take you harder 

doesn’t always enjoy a blowjob - idk why, i feel like he’s more into giving that receiving. goes with his dacryphilia kink too - will stay with his head between your thighs until you’re crying and shaking whilst you try to push him away

definitely enjoys pinning you down, either with his hands or with ropes and handcuffs, but he’s not interested in the entire bdsm thing

enjoys buying you lacy lingerie, regardless of what gender you are, and just have you put them on to show him; only to then rip it off of you as he pins you down on the sofa

he’s somewhat of a soft dom, he wants to protect you and always make sure you’re going to be enjoying yourself. but he’s not above using your body for his own pleasure

he’s not a loud man - a loud grunt from time to time, low groans and growls. but he’s not loud in bed. but enjoys it when you’re loud

man loves the aftercare process - cleans you up gently with a towel, making sure you’re hydrated, getting you snacks if you’re hungry, rubbing your sore muscles. he views it as intimate and cherishes those moments when you lean on him the most

© roscgcld — all rights reserved to me, rose, the author and creator of these works. do not repost/translate/claim my work as yours on any platform

[spencerreidslove]

Je T’aime

A/N: This is the fic where I put my French skills to use. If you don’t speak French, don’t worry it all gets explained. Also, my French is not perfect so please excuse my mistakes.

————

Oh god he’s so hot. You thought, watching Spencer walk across the bullpen. You were basically drooling at the young doctor, but he still couldn’t get the message after years of flirting.

“Y/N, a bunch of us are going to the bar for drinks? You wanna come?” Luke asked coming up behind you.

You startled out of your revere and turned back to the main. “Uh, yeah, sure.” You said.

Seeing to notice your not so subtle staring at Reid, Luke knocked your shoulder. “He’ll be there. Maybe you can finally ask him out.” He said.

“What?! Who?” You said, turning fully to Luke.

“Reid. Ask him out already!”

“When you ask Garcia out.” You said.

You left Luke stuttering for an answer and brought your paperwork up to Emily.

As you were heading back to your desk, you passed Spencer’s.

“Hey, Y/N.” He said, catching your attention.

“Yeah?” You responded.

“Do you have any spare pens? I can’t seem to find any.” Spencer said, looking around his desk.

“Sure.” You said, smiling. You went back over to your desk, holding a stupid smile in. You felt like you were back in high school and your crush just talked to you.

Well, your crush did just talk to you.

Once you found a spare pen you went back over to Spencer’s desk where you gave it to him. “Thanks.” He said, smiling.

“You have it so bad.” Luke said once you returned to your desk. You stuck you tounge out at him in response.

-

That night, you were smushed in a booth in the back of the bar with Spencer on one side of you, Tara on the other.

For some unknown reason, tonight had been the night that you drank so much you got just a little drunk.

Garcia returned to the table, holding a tray. “I have another round.” She said.

“Merci beaucoup.” You said, grabbing your drink off the tray.

“Uh...you’re welcome?” Garcia said in response.

“Quand je recevoir ivre je parle françias.” You said.

“She said that when she gets drunk she speaks French.” Emily said from her spot across from you.

“Well that’s fun.” JJ said.

A couple minutes went by before you spoke again. You turned your attention to Spencer, and said: “Tu es très jolie.”

Emily snorted out a laugh and Garcia chuckled a little. Spencer furrowed his brow. “What does that mean?” He asked.

“Out of all the languages you know, you don’t speak French?” Matt asked.

“No, never studied that one.” Spencer said.

“Tu es aussi très intelligent. Le chose je laisserait tu sais à moi.” You said.

Emily let out a pearl of laughter.

“Ok, I only took high school French I only know what you said at the beginning. What else did you say?” Garcia said.

“Tu es tellement chaud. Je laisserait tu fais moi le petit mort.”

“Oh my God!” Emily cried out from across the table, cackling.

“What did Y/N say?” Luke asked.

Emily couldn’t respond, as she was laughing so hard she was having trouble speaking.

“S’embrasser moi déjà.” You said, leaning closer to Spencer.

“Alright, Y/N, I think it’s time to get you home before you make me pee myself laughing.” Emily said.

“Au revoir!” You said, waving to the group as Emily dragged you out of the bar.

-

The next morning, when you came into Emily’s kitchen she burst out laughing when she saw you.

“What? Is there something on me?” You asked.

“No, no. Last night you said some...things.” Emily said.

“In what language?” You asked. You took a seat at the table and took the Advil Emily was holding out for you.

“French.”

You let out a sigh of relief.

“Don’t forget I’m fluent in French.” Emily said.

Your eyes widened as you looked up at Emily. “What exactly did I say?” You asked.

“How smart and cute Spencer is.” She said.

Ok, that’s not that bad. You thought.

“And how you think he is hot and how you want him to kiss you already and I quote, ‘Je laisserait tu fais moi le petit mort.’” Emily said.

“I did not say that!”

“You kinda did.”

“Oh god.” You said, putting your head in your hands.

“If it helps, Spencer doesn’t speak French.”

“I can’t tell him what I said!” You said.

Emily shrugged. “You might have to.”

-

Later, when you got home, you took a shower and were watching TV when a knock came at the door.

When you answered it, Spencer was on the other side.

“Hi.” He said.

“Hey.” You said in response.

You let him in the apartment, and you two stood there for a moment before he spoke up.

“I know you probably don’t remember last night, but you were saying somethings in French to me and I looked up what most of them mean, but I can’t find the definition for one of them.” Spencer said.

You already knew which one he was going to ask you about.

“What does, ‘Je laisserait tu fais moi le petit mort.’ Mean?” Spencer asked.

“You don’t need to know what that one means.” You said. “Ok? Bye now.”

“Wait, Y/N, hold on. If I got the translations of the other things right, you think I’m cute...among other things. Is that true?”

You paused. “Yes. I think you’re cute.”

“Well I think you’re cute.” Spencer said.

“Really.”

Spencer nodded. He came closer to you and grabbed your hands. “I really like you, and I suspect you like me too.”

“Yeah.” You said.

He leaned in even closer to you. “Can you please tell me what you said?” He asked.

“Ugh!” You said, pulling away from Spencer. “Did you say all that just so I would tell you what I said?” You asked.

“No, Y/N, I promise I wouldn’t do that. I just really want to know!” Spencer said.

You couldn’t say no fro his puppy dog eyes.

“Fine! I can’t look at you when I say this.” You said. You turned around and took a deep breath.

“It means...it means that I would let you makemeorgasm.” You said, rushing the ending out.

You turned around to see Spencer with a light blush on your face, probably nothing compared to the dark red that was now spreading across your face.

“Great! You know now! Please leave.” You said. You began to push Spencer twoards your door.

“Y/N-wait.”

“No, no, you can go now, thanks!”

“Y/N-“

“I will never be able to make eye contact with you again but that’s ok. I really shouldn’t have told you, should’ve let you use google translate or something-“

You were cut off by Spencer leaning into you and pressing his lips against yours.

After a few seconds, he pulled away. “Sorry...I didn’t know how to get your attention.”

Now you were both flushed bright red.

There was a minute where you were both quiet.

“About what you said...I think I’d like to take you to dinner first before I do that.” Spencer said.

Your jaw dropped. “Uh, yeah. Sure. Whenever.”

“I’ll call you.” Spencer said, opening the door. He left you alone in your apartment to think about what he had just said.

Oh mon Dieu. You thought.

Tags! (Open)

@rexorangecouny @magnificentmgg @rachelxwayne @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto @andreasworlsboring101 @just-damn-bored @zhuzhubii @bxtchboy69

[oscar-lettjohanssonloveme]

Getting stuck in an elevator -with Billie Dean Howard

Hii im kinda excited coz with this fanfiction i wanna introduce a new series.. you know, fanfictions where the reader gets stuck in an elevator with one sarah paulson character (i have a lot of ideas and the second chapter is almost done but u can send me ur requests if u have any ideas, i would love it!)

At the moment I have plans for: Ally Mayfair-Richards (second chap), my dear Miss Venable, Cordelia Goode and Diane Sherman :) 

And in every chapter they will have a different relationship..like strangers or colleagues or lovers idk..im so sorry for my bad english again :’)

so and this is the first chapter, kinda short and made with google translate but here we go :)

idk if u ever got stuck in an elevator, but these two did and this is why they can stay calm and this is more fluffy.

"Come on, Babygirl .." Billie grinned as she pulled you by your hand through the mall to the elevator.

"Not so fast, honey ..", you laughed and stumbled into the elevator after the woman.

The door closed and Billie dialed the first floor button before turning to push you against the wall of the elevator

"Billie .." you squeaked at the feeling of the cold metal against your body and let the shopping bag fall on the floor. The woman in front of you ignored you and began kissing down your neck to your collarbones, while her hands went to your hips and clung to the flesh.

"I can't wait to tear these clothes off your body and see you in the expensive lingerie I just bought you .." she growled against your skin while nibbling at your collarbones and you had to put your hand against your mouth so as not to moan loudly.

"Billie honey, not now .. we're still at the mall .." you gasped as your fingers caught in her soft hair.

"Let they see, baby girl, I want them all to know that you are mine .." mumbled Billie Dean and raised her gaze to you to meet your eyes before leaning over and pressing her lips against yours.

"Ugh, damn it ..".

This woman knew exactly what she was doing to you when she pressed her body against yours. And while she kissed you wildly in the elevator, you thought about what she said. She wanted everyone to know that you were hers ... holy shit.

You had known this woman for just 3 months and between all those sweet dates and fantastic sex you had to find out that you had fallen in love with her and that worried you. You'd always been an idiot for love and that you fell in love with someone quickly was nothing new. The only problem was, that at some point your dates all had to find out that they weren't quite as advanced as you were, backed down and left you with a broken heart and you didn't want the same thing to happen to you with Billie, simply because she meant a lot to you.

You were torn from your thoughts when the elevator suddenly stopped and the machine gave a loud groan.

"What was that?" you asked, looking nervously at Billie, who was staring at the flickering ceiling lamp in confusion.

"I think the elevator got stuck .." she said curtly.

"No way.."

You freed yourself from her arms to go to the counters and press the elevator buttons. Nothing happened.

"You're right .." you said quietly as you turned back to Billie. The woman just shook her head with a grin before she sat on the floor and leaned her back against the wall,

"This has never happened to me before .." she mumbled.

"You never got stuck in the elevator?" You asked confused.

"Well yes, but never with the most beautiful girl in the world .. You know in another world that could be the uncreative beginning of a dirty film .." she replied and you rolled your eyes.

"Come here, babygirl ..", she reached out her hand to you, which you took and let her pull you towards her so that you could sit on the thighs of her outstretched legs.

"I actually wanted to talk to you about it at home, but I think it will take a few minutes for the elevator to work again and then we can talk now too .." she said and began to rub your thighs with her hands.

"Is everything okay?", You frowned when you realized how serious she was suddenly.

Billie nodded and smiled gently at you.

"Everything is great .. I'm here with my favorite person, so why should something be wrong? You know, I've been thinking ..", she explained and began to play with the fabric of your shirt.

"I really do my best to see you almost every day and I really appreciate the time we spend together, but it's not enough ..".

She carefully looked up at you to look into your confused eyes.

"Not enough?" You repeated and she nodded slowly.

"I want to spend every minute with you and I think it works best when you move into my house.."

You stared at her for a few seconds and realized that she was serious.

"Billie, I-"

"I love you, Y / N."

"Y-you love me?" You repeated, blinking in disbelief.

"I do," she said firmly. "And that's why I want you to live with me."

"Are you sure? I mean, I don't want you to come to me after a few months to tell me it was a too early or something like that.."

"Y / N, Babygirl .." she said, smiling gently and grabbed your hands.

"I've never been so sure of anything .. You are the sweetest girl that I have ever met and i really love you fucking much .. ".

"Oh Billie .." you sighed and took her face in your hands.

"I love you too and I would love to move into your house ..".

You leaned forward to kiss her gently and could feel how she smiled against your lips.

"Does that make it official now?" She asked and you could only nod when you felt her hands run down your back to pull you even closer to her.

"I just noticed that they probably have a surveillance camera installed here ..", she said suddenly with a grin and you immediately withdrew to stare at the ceiling of the elevator in horror and you really discovered a camera.

"Fuck .." you said curtly.

"I don't care Babygirl ..", Billie muttered, grabbing your chin to turn your face back to her. She was just about to pull you back to kiss you when the elevator made a loud noise again and started moving.

"Perfect timing ..", you said with a grin as you got up and stretched out your hand to pull your girlfriend up, who now looked a bit disappointed.

"Don't think I'm done with you, babygirl .."

[sparklingpax]

A Different Side (2/2)

Summary: Optimus comes back from an unsuccessful mission and seems to be out of sorts…but there’s more to that story.

///

A/N:

-Part 1 arguably where I should have ended it :’)

-Literally been a year and I apologize so hard sdjdj ;w; also this part is too long asfsksdjfl aaa 

-BEFORE YOU ATTACK ME, this is not “the first time optimus ever makes a joke!!!” kind of story, despite how much it looks like that. It’s just. something,,,

-as usual, there are definitely typos and mistakes; hopefully I get around to fixing them aha ^^’’ Also please don’t mind the weird spacing, for some reason the way I type things out never seems to translate well to when I put it here so,,,

-please I’m literally not funny, my humor is broken 😀 Like, I didn’t quite know how to continue or conclude this, and it’s not creative or interesting at all and it highkey doesn’t make sense tbh?? so aaa qwq I just hope it’s not too cringe,,,,but I did say I’d finish it so rather than keep y’all waiting any longer than I already have, here it is....part 2....

-I just. wanna apologize again that it took so long and this scrappy second bit is all I have to show for it. hh. 

///

             “At last…” Ratchet sighed contentedly to himself.

             He carefully placed two pieces of metal together and wielded them to one smooth shape.

             Stepping back to admire his work, smiling a little, he then picked it up and started towards the supply room. 

             After a long day of work, Ratchet was pleased to finally be able to place the repaired tool back on its shelf and retreat to his room for a few hours of quiet reading.

             Maybe three at the very most, he wagered his bet with a slight grimace. 

             After all, it was commonplace for commotion to interrupt his every attempt to enjoy himself quietly.

             Such is my fate. 

             However, hearing a familiar set of footsteps thumping slowly down the halls, Ratchet paused.

             “Optimus? Is that you?”

             He leaned to the side and peered down the hall.

             Said mech emerged from the corridor and into the medic’s view. He had a funny look in his eye as he came to a stop quite abruptly. 

             He placed his hands on his hips and regarded Ratchet for a strange few moments of….awkward silence…before speaking.

             “Ratchet,” his voice tremored almost imperceptibly, “Would you consider me…humorous?”

             The medic blinked at him. He was officially more confused.

             He had been just about to ask what had happened to upset him so much earlier, or if there was anything he wanted to talk about, one-on-one.

             After all, from time to time, Optimus would reach a point where he could no longer bear whatever was troubling him. And of course, Ratchet was right there for him, ready to listen and help. In the end, he was able to get Optimus to say what was troubling him, and they would talk about it or they wouldn’t. But something about the way Optimus walked away each time told Ratchet he’d done at least something to help.

             “…Ratchet?” Optimus prompted him gently, eyes showing a little concern.

             Scrap, I still haven’t answered his question—Ratchet, focus!

             Still, the thought drifted through the recesses of his mind: had Optimus…not been upset in the first place? 

             If so...what had it been all about? 

             Or was he simply reading too much into it?

             At a loss as to how to answer, the medic fumbled for a word to say in response. 

             He actually didn’t know, now that he thought about it. 

             Optimus—or Orion, even—had never really attempted to be funny before as far as Ratchet knew...which Ratchet was well aware that he didn’t know everything. It couldn’t be a yes or no. Of course, there were moments Orion was humorous, everyone has their moments.

              No, he means funny—as in, on a regular basis, as something part of his personality, even. And to that....

             A more appropriate response was ‘why?’ 

            But Ratchet knew better than to snark at Optimus like that. It was uncalled for, at the moment.  

             Perhaps Megatron would be more likely to know.

             After all, it had been him Orion had spent the most time with back in those days.

             As if I could just call him and ask! 

             “W-well, Optimus, I wouldn’t really know that!” Ratchet paused, feeling slightly guilty for his tone of voice just then. “You’ve never tried to be…that I knew of, anyway…”

             Optimus just nodded slowly. That weird glint in his optics remained. It hit him that something seemed….different. Like the Prime was planning on...doing something. 

             Just then, footsteps alerted the two of Jack’s arrival. He came into view, leaning against the wall and panting. He pointed wordlessly at Optimus for a second, trying to catch his breath. Ratchet stared at him, somehow growing more confused as the seconds passed. Then, finally, Jack straightened, managing to say what he’d wanted to.

             “Optimus was…not upset…”

             “What?!” Ratchet practically squawked. “What?!”

             Optimus glanced from Jack to Ratchet, looking surprised for all of a moment, then simply nodded. Just then, Arcee, Bumblebee, and Bulkhead returned to base. Their engines could be heard from all the way down the corridor. They skidded to a halt in front of Optimus and Ratchet, transforming a backing up a bit.

             “Oh no,” Bulkhead murmured to his teammates. “Cue pissed-off Ratchet.”

             And pissed Ratchet was. 

             He had been worried for his friend.

             “Wh—then—why on earth did you go off to your room in such a huff?!” The medic exclaimed, setting down the newly-repaired tool not-so-gently.

             “That is—”

             “AND WHY WOULDN’T YOU OPEN THE DOOR?!”

             “I—”

             Just as Optimus was about to answer, a proximity alarm went off. Everyone gathered wordlessly around the main computer screen as Ratchet pulled up the video feed. He rolled his optics, sighing heavily.

             Instantly everyone knew it could only be Agent Fowler.

             Jack took this opportunity to attempt to get Optimus’s attention and pull him aside for a second. He waved and whispered the Prime’s name.

             When Optimus finally heard him, he departed from the group and made his way over to Jack, kneeling down when the human motioned for it.

             “Hey, Optimus,” Jack started, a bit awkwardly. “Sorry—uh……so....I saw what you were watching…”

             “Oh…” Optimus instantly looked kind of embarrassed. “Well, I was….admittedly….curious.”

             Jack tilted his head.

             In the background, their liaison to the government was shouting something about Bumblebee and a burger joint parking lot, to which Ratchet was defending his teammate and annoyedly asking how it could be his fault or problem.

             “After yesterday,” Optimus began to elaborate quietly, “Miko said...something to Ratchet. It dawned on me that Earth humor is much different from Cybertronian humor—which, in honesty, I never knew much about anyway.”

             “You mean when she yelled ‘in this world, it’s yeet or be yeeted’ to Ratchet after he asked why Bulkhead decided to throw that guy he was fighting?”

             “Yes.”

             “So…” Jack sighed. He looked so confused. “You looked up vines?”

             “No, Jack,” Optimus responded rather seriously. “I used the Google Engine program you children seem to enjoy so much—”

             Enjoy…not when you have friends like mine, Optimus. I’ve seen some things...

             “—to find the meaning of ‘yeet.’ Through my research, I came across the concept you humans refer to as…” his optics flicked to the ceiling for a second as he held up a hand and air-spelled the word, trying to remember the pronunciation. “…Memes.”

             “You…you found memes?” Jack repeated, as if he couldn’t process this. 

             “Yes, Jack,” Optimus affirmed, looking very pleased with himself. He had that same sparkle as when he watched his teammates laugh, when he was tired but relieved everyone returned from a mission alive.

             Except. It was for memes he found. On the internet.

             Jack was about to ask another question when Optimus abruptly stood up again. He put a finger against his lip in a shushing motion, smirking ever so slightly. A twinkle in his eye told Jack all he needed to know.

             “O-Optimus, which videos did you exactly—”

             “Vine is no longer dead!!” Optimus whispered a little too excitedly.

             And then he winked.

             “This is a dream,” Jack murmured in disbelief as he heard Optimus walk away.

             He was apparently going to try to make vine jokes.

             Jack knew it would be hilarious, but he was also worried for the Prime’s dignity. 

             Oh, Lord.

///

            “Oh, YOU want to hang up on ME?!”

            “THAT’S DAMN RIGHT,” Ratchet hollered back, “YOU CAN TAKE YOUR COMPLAINTS AND SHOVE THEM UP YOUR—”

             ‘Ratchet!!!’ Bumblebee cut in, looking rather uneasy. He hated it when people were shouting at each other like that.

             The medic whipped around and Bumblebee flinched a bit. The older mech was fuming.

             He had been in a generally awful mood after the events of the day, and as the seconds of silence passed, he realized just how angry he was—or at least, how he seemed to everyone else.

             Can’t vent frustrations like this, Ratchet—you have to talk it out. He stared back up at the computer screen and watched Agent Fowler straighten his tie as he started up again.

             “Now you listen to me, Ratchet. Neither I—nor my superiors—will tolerate your—”

             Ratchet decided he’d had enough of dealing with others’ foul moods, because they were only making him even more upset.  

             “Agent Fowler, I’m frankly not the bot you want to talk to right now. These are not my doings, you in fact have no qualms with me. All you do is call us up and gripe at us, and no one here appreciates it,” he hissed at him, having toned his voice down to a mild stern one.

             “HEY!! DON’T YOU DARE—”

             “Goodbye.”

             And with a simple tap, the base fell silent again.

             “Well….that’s that,” Arcee said.

             “Yup,” Bulkhead agreed.

             ‘Why is Fowler so aggressive all the time?’ Bumblebee buzzed, annoyed. Arcee shifted her weight and shrugged.

             “He wants what’s best for humans, and he’s concerned for the planet. I mean, yeah--he has the right to tell us to be careful and all,” she made her guess. Then her optic twitched as she, too began to look rather irked. “But he’s so….”

             “Insufferably rude,” Ratchet finished for her. Arcee nodded.

             ‘And…loud.’

             After a moment of attempting to compose himself, Ratchet turned to Optimus, who had discreetly drawn up beside them.

             The medic was about to ask him what the scrap he’d been doing and why he left Ratchet to fight with Agent Fowler on his own. It was usually Optimus who took the calls, and that’s why there wasn’t always an argument like this. Fowler would yell at Optimus, but not for long.

             They had some kind of interesting mutual respect for one another. Of course, all the bots respected Fowler—even when he was being overly aggressive—but Optimus seemed to even get along with the government agent in a special way.

            Even more of a reason he should have been the one to talk to him.

            So, Ratchet was annoyed. Or he was.

             It was then he noticed the grin on his leader’s face. His first question was understandably, why.

             Before Ratchet could speak, Optimus put up one digit and tapped it against his lips, as if to signal for quiet.

             “I apologize,” he said solemnly, leaning a bit closer to Ratchet. The medic felt his spark begin to pound, and was sure that some color was heading to his face. He swallowed.

             “That’s alright….but, uhm…what were you doing instead?”

             “I was discussing with Jack a rather important finding…” he responded quietly. Ratchet tilted his head at Optimus.

             Arcee and Bulkhead exchanged confused looks. Bumblebee debated leaving the room or asking what exactly he was talking about.

             It was at that moment, Optimus bit his lip, visibly trying to hard not to laugh. He then took a shaky breath and stood straight.

             “Ratchet, I have but one question.”

              Tentatively, Ratchet moved the conversation forward. 

             “…yes?”

             Optimus pointed to his tools lying on the metal surface behind the two, and with the most level tone, spoke.

             “...What are thoooooose?”

             There was silence before Ratchet slowly and rather confusedly glanced back at the desk. He answered Optimus just as slowly. 

             “They’re.....my…reparation tools….”

             And with that, Jack lost it laughing so hard from the corner. Optimus looked on the verge of bursting into laughter himself.

             But Ratchet wasn’t laughing. He just stood, blank. 

             Very quickly, Optimus realized no one else was laughing either—except for Jack, of course—because they also looked like they were trying to process this.

             He felt a pang of worry.

             Even if gradually, Optimus had been hoping for a long while that he could show his teammates that Primes do laugh, lose their cool, cry, and party. It was a silly notion, he would often chide himself. Nonetheless…it was a hope.

             After all, it was the only reason he had gone to the Google Engine and decided to try and figure out what exactly humor entailed.

             But…I might have approached this incorrectly.

             Now looking just a little annoyed, Ratchet backed up and picked up his tools. He had no idea what had just happened and wanted some time alone in his quarters. 

           Optimus gently grabbed his shoulder, causing him to stop and look at him again. The Autobot leader looked rather abashed, obviously regretting the last five minutes of his existence. 

            In the background, Jack had gone over to the other Autobots and started explaining what had happened, the vines, the context of what Optimus had just pulled…

            “I…apologize, Ratchet…” Optimus looked away for a moment. “It seems I…lack the ability of timing…”

             Ratchet blinked a few times, then setting down the tools, he sighed.

             “Optimus…”

             “I know now that it is not my place to attempt humor.” He looked quite sad, but at the same time, resigned to it. Ratchet was about to tell Optimus that not everyone was cut out for everything, and that he was rather amusing in his own way.

             But he was interrupted for a second time by laughter. Ratchet and Optimus instead turned to see behind them, the other three team members absolutely losing it.

             Optimus was taken aback.

             He wondered briefly if they were laughing at how pitiful his attempt at humor had been. Then Bumblebee spoke up.

             ‘Jack just told us what that actually meant!’

             “Yeah!”  Bulkhead chimed in. “And now I wanna know what vines are!”

             Arcee, giggling, added, “Yeah, and what crocs are.”

             Ratchet felt Optimus next to him, struggling to contain his pride, and himself began to laugh. At this, Optimus let a little of that joy show, smiling and standing straight again. 

            What a funny thing to be proud of…

            But, then again, that had been the Prime’s intent.

///

*dies* I’m sorry I even wrote this please forgive me--

[paintedpeeta]

hi. I'm sorry for what im about to say, but i just need to let this go somewhere, otherwise imma explode. i can't talk to most of my friends right now, and i don't wanna bother anyone.

that's hypocritical of me since im coming here to bother you... and that's what im sorry about the most, but since you answered my previous ask with the most gentle treatment ive been given in days, here's me again.

im in the fandom for almost a year now. it's still difficult for me to write for everlark, specially following canon because they mean a lot to me, and im always afraid that im doing it the wrong way. I've been working on a longfic since february and there was a time where I was SO GENUINELY PROUD AND EXCITED about how i was writing, but i can't feel that anymore.

i can't feel that with anything i write. and when i do, or at least have some hope that someone will read it... nothing. not even my friends, the ones who pressured me to post it earlier than i planned in the first place. and now i feel like i have nothing, since nobody reads my thg shit and i pretty much stopped writing for other fandoms.

as a brazilian i kinda don't have the right to expect much, bc people who read everlark in portuguese nowdays are basically extinct and im not exactly using the best plataforms... but i still do. and that's making me sick.

i had to deactivate my twitter account this week because some family stuff, and i used to post a lot of my writings there. i created a new one, but now i have lost all of the lil reach i had, and i can't find most of my mutuals. my friends still couldn't care less about my writing.

i feel like im a bad author. not because my writing sucks or because I can't build storylines. i can, and feel like i do that decently. what i mean is that... nobodys reading what i put into the world. and what's the sense in all writings, if not make others feel so comforted and welcomed by our stories as we do, as authors?

i genuinely feel like getting out of twitter for good, because being there is not nice anymore. not when i see all people that promised me they would read my fics tweeting all day about all kinds of subjects and leaving me on read on dms. not when i post drabbles and have to delete them hours later because nobody sees or interacts w it.

at the same time, i don't know how to use tumblr. and every other part of my life is falling apart.

im sorry, again. but that's what I feel right now and i guess I just wanted someone to listen and comfort me, since my two other happiness sources are fictional. ignore that if you want. please, don't answer it because you feel like it's the polite thing to do or because you feel like you have to. you don't.

- I.H.

hello, anon :)

first of all i’m sorry that you’re feeling so down, i wish there was something i could do to help you more than just replying to this ask - so please remember that my messages are always open (i won’t take offence if you’d rather communicate through my inbox to keep ur anonymity of course) if you wanted to talk a little more. you must be hurting pretty bad if you feel like you can’t talk to your friends about it :(

and second of all, please don’t feel so discouraged that you stop with your writing. i really don’t read multi-chapter fics myself (i don’t even have an AO3 account if you’d believe it or not) so i sometimes feel a little guilty that i don’t do enough to support fic writers, who give up so much of their time to give other people some enjoyment and a little bit of escape. if you’d like to share the name or link etc of your fic with me i’d be more than happy to post it on my blog if you thought that would help any.

as for your troubles with writing in your native language, i can only imagine how frustrating that would feel for you. i wonder if anyone in the fandom would be able to help in the way of translation or something in order to help you in that respect? sadly i don’t speak portuguese, so i doubt i’d be any use on this one :(

and honestly i only have twitter for personal use so i’m not any help there but is there perhaps a way to reactivate your account? i wasn’t so sure but according to google you can get a deactivated account back within 30 days, if that would be in any use for reconnecting with your followers on there.

and lastly i hope you keep the faith in the longfic you’ve been writing. it would be terribly sad for you to lose all that you’ve worked on since february. that being said, if you feel like it’s giving you so much stress and just feeling fruitless it’s also okay to take a break and step back for a little while. no one will feel disappointed and you certainly shouldn’t feel that way about yourself. tumblr is sort of a pain in the ass to use i won’t deny it, but there are some amazing people and writers on here who i’m sure would be willing to help you out.

please don’t be a stranger if you need to rant again, and i hope any of what i’ve said is at least a little bit useful for you 😊

[honesthammie]

Te amo

I am working on a few of the other prompts and a part 2 to prompt 4 the soulmate au I just recently got another puppy and I still have uni work to do so I'm a bit behind schedule with these and I'm so sorry. Hopefully this little kinda songfic makes up for it.

13th doctor x female reader

Warnings: swearing as usual, fluffy, sad thoughts, twist the original songs meaning, long as fuck.

Probably terrible as its my first songfic

I don't know much Spanish so some of the examples later on are Google translated and I know it can be wrong so I do apologise for any mistranslations

This is based off Rhiannas song Te Amo but I'm switching it up a little. I dont why 13th doctor came into my head when I was listening to it but it gave me this lil oneshot idea so enjoy! The picture is not mine but the rainbow effect added is done by me! Same for the picture later on.

I've been travelling with this amazing alien for a whole year now. The adventures are always amazing if she's there! The others sometimes complain and say its boring, especially on a junk planet but to see her face light up with excitement makes my day and it well worth the dirt we cover ourselves on by the time we are done. And when she finds something that she thought was useful and it turns out, it's not her scrunch is amazing.

Okay, I'll admit it. I'm in love with this alien. I know, weird, a human and an alien together? But I can't help it! I'm completely besotted with her. If she even looks in my direction, my legs go to jelly and I get butterflies. I know, cheesy. But thats exactly how I feel around her. I barely want to touch her because I nearly fainted the last few times. And I fear she may pick up on how I'm distancing myself from her. I don't want to break her heart and leave, the thought of her look kills me as is so I'm trying to get her to kick me off.

It doesn't seem to be working though. I've been distancing myself since I found out about how I feel, which is now 6 months ago and she's trying to get me to be as close as I was with her.

I'll tell her. On one of our amazing adventures but I can't do it straight forward, it's making me sick with anxiety just thinking about it. I'll fancy it up, make her work it out. Whenever we are next to each other and the moment is right, I'll tell her in another language!

I finally get out of bed after I finished writing in my diary. I slip some comfy clothes on and head out to the TARDIS library and hope no one is there, especially her. I'll be distracted and right now, I need to concentrate. I wonder the warm halls, grateful that the TARDIS had considered my preferences. I think the TARDIS likes me more than the others because I talk to her and show her gratefulness for taking us somewhere amazing and I chat to her regularly and I try to involve her in my conversations. The others find it weird, except for the Doctor, she just smiles and joins in with me. Im still learning how to translate her but I think I've sort of got it.

I reach my hand forward and grab the aged bronze doorknob and open to the giant room. There were so many floors that an elevator had to be used to access some of them as the Doctor said "walking would literally take weeks to reach some floors". Thankfully the TARDIS organises them to make them easier to find. I looked forward and saw an interactive map in front of me. My hands touched the screen and many subjects and categories came up. Anything ranging from kiddie tales to straight up smut, I have a feeling either River or Missy are to blame for that addition.

I've never met them but the TARDIS showed me videos from her database and brought books to my attention about them. They both seem very dirty minded people so I'm not surprised those are there. I wonder if the Doctor has ever stumbled upon this section or is it for none Doctor eyes only? If she does know about them, has she ever read one? No, don't go there you stupid brain! She probably doesn't know!

I quickly stop that train of thought and catch my breath. I've never thought about those kinds of things about anyone before. Stupid Timelord, making me go all weird and think dirty things. Now my face is all red, I really hope I'm alone in here. I quickly focus back to the task at hand, finding a new language to learn. The TARDIS seemed to know where to go and blue arrows appeared, guiding me to the right section in what could be a maze.

As I walking, I felt excitement rise within me. What if she felt the same way? What if she was impressed by how far I wanted to go just to say those 3 words? Would her hazel honey eyes sparkle with delight? Would she scronch her nose in amazement?

Before I knew it, I'd arrived at the language learning section and there were many alien languages but the TARDIS seemed to have a better idea of what would be perfect for me as a white hardback book fell off the 4th shelf onto the wooden floor. I picked it up and noticed how smooth the cover was and how old yet unused it looked. The white was a little off, almost a dull cream from ageing which made the gold writing harder to read. The title was simple:

Spanish basics and need to knows.

I did always find Spanish in school fun to learn, more than French or German anyway and I don't wanna stereotype this into a typical French is the language of romance. I never really found it romantic sounding compared to Spanish.

I picked up the book and quickly flicked through to the right page and took a note on my phone as to what the translation was and put the worn book away. I quietly thanked the TARDIS and rushed out of the library and back into my room where I could practice without getting caught.

A few weeks have passed since I picked up the new words and practiced them until I was confident and had the TARDIS' approval that I was saying it right. Today the Doctor wanted to take us to this party in the 18th century and we all decided to dress for the part once we landed.

Yaz was wearing a beautiful black and red ballroom gown, accented with little bows around the bottom and lace cuffs. She had her black hair curled into a ponytail. It was simple and cute, much like her style normally. Graham and Ryan wore similar suits but Graham wore green accents and Ryan wore yellow accents.

I let the TARDIS pick my dress. She picked a black and dark blue ballroom gown with blue roses on the bottom. It had black lace underneath and blue lace as the cuffs. The gown also seemed to glitter slightly in the light making me sparkle very subtly. I put my comfy boots on as you couldn't see my shoes as I walked anyway so why did it matter? With all the running we do, I'm not risking my ankles with heels, thank you very much. I had my (h/c) hair in (fave style). It suited my dress perfectly.

I nearly choked on oxygen when I saw how hot the Doctor looked in her suit. It took me a few moments to realise we match. We both blushed at the realisation. Of course the TARDIS makes us match! No wonder why she was more than eager to help me pick an outfit! Stupid sentient ship, shipping us already!

I quickly cleared my throat and complimented everyone on how amazing they looked but I just couldn't take my eyes off the Doctor for long. She was like a magnet for my eyes. Someone help before she realises!

"Don't we all look brilliant? Perfect for the party! 18th century Yorkshire to be exact! What a great century for you guys. Now then, this party is for Nobles and higher, as per usual in these times. Ryan, I suggest you keep in mind about any racist comments that may come out. But as long as you say your Graham's personal butler, you should be welcomed with little resistance. And Yaz, I want you to be (y/n)'s personal maid. That does mean you'll have to follow your so called "masters" around and do anything they ask unfortunately and Graham, (y/n), please act like the others around you and use them. Unfortunately this is the only way all 5 of us can join the party. You'll be fine as long as you bite your tongues. Now the Noble Edward Collins is the host so be sure to thank him for inviting you, even though you technically weren't. And try not to get too drunk, I know what you humans are like! Now follow me." The Doctor explained. I was going to tell the Doctor today, but I guess, I'll have to wait.

The Doctor opened the doors and we were in a cupboard under some gorgeous marble stairs. As we walked towards the party I noticed some family portraits along the walls. They were a very beautiful looking family. The mother had long blonde hair and pale blue eyes. The father was buff, long brown hair and daring brown eyes. There were two children, a girl and a boy. The girl had long brown hair and sparkling blue eyes, whilst the son had blonde hair and brown eyes. They also had a brown greyhound dog laying by the sons feet. The son must be the host, Edward. He looked not much older than 10 in the last painting but the daughter was no where to be found in the portrait and theu all looked mournful. Is she dead and is that the picture capturing the moment of grief? Why would anyone want that? It's so strange, even for this time period.

The Doctor held me and Yaz close, stopping us in our tracks. My heart was racing at the simple touch. But as soon as the touch was there, it was gone. "I hope its okay with you (y/n) but you're going to have to be married to someone."

My heart stopped for a moment and I nearly choked on air. "What? Why?"

"Because women like yourself would have been married as young as 13 or 14. Now your only choices are me and Graham. You can't choose Ryan as he's supposed to be a butler and you can't choose Yaz as she's your maid. The choice is yours, I just need to know wether or not I should refer to you as my darling wife or not?"

What. The. Fuck.

Why did her even calling me that l, turn me on? Obviously, I'm going to choose her but I'm going to have to perfect my reasoning here.

"As much as I love Graham, it's going to be awkward if I have to kiss him or anything because he's like my grandad! I guess you'll do Timelord. Come on then husband, we don't want to be late to the dancefloor!" I spoke clearly hoping she didn't notice how excited I actually was to have even a hint of a relationship with her. It may be fake but ill take anything when it comes to her.

We arrived at the welcome committee and handed our cards over, aka the psychic paper. We were going as Mr and Mrs (last name). The Doctor was holding my hand this entire time and it's driving me insane. I don't know if she can feel my racing pulse under her fingers but if she can I hope she puts it down to excitement! We walked down the most grandest staircase you would ever lay your eyes on.

First we walked around, greeting everyone as they came up to us or if she dragged me to someone she knew, but not personally. She was cute when she was fangirling over these people. Yaz found it annoying as she just wanted to party but I couldn't help it. The way her eyes shimmer with recognition was more beautiful than any galaxy she could ever take us. Sometimes her eyes flickered with admiration and it did make me have jealousy for just a moment before I remembered, I'm staying with her and they aren't .

As the party moved on we met the host Edward. He looked a lot different than in his paintings. He was around 20 years old now and his blonde hair was below his shoulders. He looked a lot like his father with his muscley build. And he was very charismatic which I did not like as he poured all his charm into the Doctor. Does everyone here know that he's gay or does he see through the Doctors disguise? Either way, it was rubbing me the wrong way. I quickly excused myself with Yaz and walked into the bathroom.

"I did not like him. I do not like this Edward guy. Something about him rubs me completely wrong. He's handsome but something is telling me he knows the Doctor isn't a man."

"I felt the same way. He knows something we don't. Before we go out there again, do you mind if I ask you a question?" Yaz asked. My mind was racing a hundred miles an hour. She knows. The jig is up with Yaz. "How do you feel about her, honestly? One minute you 2 are inseparable, then you distance yourself and now you are a nervous wreck around her! I won't judge but I just want to make sure my theory is correct."

Shit. I guess I really was obvious. Does she know?

"If your theory is about me falling hopelessly in love with the Doctor then you'd be correct. I can't help it. I'm going to tell her how I feel without being completely stupid. I just need a right moment to say it." I spoke with a heavy sigh. Hopefully, Yaz can help create that moment thay I need. She nods her head and opens the door. We walk back to the Doctor and notice Edward has gone to other guests and she was talking to Graham. I looked around and saw Ryan flirting with a pretty lady near the food table. Why am I not surprised?

A few hours had passed and the Doctor seemed bored with standing and talking so I made a plan in my head. I grabbed her hand and pulled her to the dancefloor as the next song came on. I didn't quite know how to dance properly but I knew the basics if it. She has to lead and I simply follow suit. It took a few moments but I got the hang of it with the Doctors help. Soon we were dancing so gracefully underneath the most beautiful candelabra that lit up her face perfectly.

Her hair swayed to our perfect dance ever so gently. Her eyes sparkled with amusement and her lips were in a permanent smile. She even laughed a couple of times. Then as the music slowed down to a pace that was perfect, I grabbed her waist and looked her. My heart was going crazy and my legs were about to buckle but I had rehearsed my lines. I can do this.

"Hey Doc. Its been an amazing time with you but I can't continue this without being honest with you. But everytime I get close, I back down in fear. So I'm going to let you figure it out. Doctora te amo. Entiendo que si no sientes lo mismo y me iré si quieres. (Doctor i love you. i understand if you don't feel the same way and i'll leave if you want.)" I spoke with as much passion and intention as I could. I looked into her eyes and saw her confused and trying to work out what I said. I would find it cute if my heart was beating right out of my chest. "Well, I've had a great time but I'm fucking knackered. I'm calling it night. I'll be heading to the TARDIS if you need me."

"I'll come with ya. I'm knackered as well and we both need each other to undo the corsets and mine is starting to hurt a little bit. How we used to do this for a full day, everyday, is beyond my understanding. As beautiful as we look, I don't think its worth the pain this will bring in the morning." Yaz spoke with a slight mumble as proof of her mental state and finishing with a yawn. I chuckled at her state and walked back to the TARDIS with a small amount of chat along the way.

She is right though. These corsets really do hurt you after a while, I'm glad I chose not to wear heels or else I'll be fucked for in the morning. I would literally scream. I think the Doctor had the right idea in wearing a suit, no pain. I do feel bad for leaving her but I just need some space after basically admitting everything that's been built up within me for too damn long. Maybe I should tell Yaz how it went and maybe she can help determine if the Doctor is happy or not.

We walked back into the wardrobe room and I helped Yaz out of her corset. She immediately sighed in relief. She finished getting herself into comfy clothes and started to untie my ribbon.

"So did you tell her?"

"Sort of. I basically told her everything but in Spanish. I just hope it doesn't change anything, except in a positive way, of course! If she wants me gone, I've told her that it's fine and I understand. She's very socially awkward and as cute as I find it, it may not help me in this situation. Do you have any clues on how she may react once she figures it out?"

Yaz stopped untying my corset for a moment and placed 1 finger upon her chin in thought. Her eyes were almost shut and seemed almost completely black in the light. After what seemed like forever, she took her finger off her chin and beamed a toothy smile. Her eyes sparkled as she remembered something and seemed to gleam slightly menacingly. A smirk replaced her smile soon after.

"There's a few times she's shown affection towards you. And I mean romantic affection. She always chooses to hold your hand over anyone else's if given the choice. She always steps I'm front of you when an enemy threatens to kill us all or hurt us in anyway. When you go wandering around on your own, she's terrified thats she's lost you forever to an enemy we don't even know of!" Yaz starts explaining carefully as if she's worried on how to word it.

"Those are just friendly affec-"

"I wasn't done. I was warming up." Yaz interrupts me as I was about to go into a self deprecating speech on how I'm just a friend to everyone and never a lover. "She always looks to see your face on adventures because she secretly loves your reactions, bad or good. When the Master revealed himself, she looked straight at you for support on how she should react. When she came back from the Kasavin, she ran straight to you and made sure you were ok first before any of us. When we were in the Tsungra medical ship, the first person she asked for was you! Whilst she was unconscious on board the ship, she kept mumbling your name, over and over again. When she saw how gorgeous you looked today, I thought she'd take you right there on the spot! She fucking loves you (y/n)! You're just so unbelievably blind to it all!"

Yaz was almost red with rage. Did she really do all that, for me? The TARDIS mustve read my mind and seemed to hum positively in reply. If everything Yaz said is true then she'll be so happy about it and maybe we can be a thing! But then again, maybe losing so many in a similar position as me will turn her away. Maybe her soul is awry and she's asking why right now.

Once I had gotten changed I went to sleep almost straight away, I suppose all that dancing and social ques having tired me out more than I thought.

I woke up to a soft knock on my door. I rubbed my (e/c) eyes and told them I'd be a few minutes as I've only just woken up. It wasn't until I finished brushing my (h/c) hair that I remembered what happened yesterday. All the panic rushed within me at once and I nearly threw up. I took several deep breaths and opened the door.

"GRAHAM THANK FUCK ITS YOU!" I almost shouted at him. He looked a little bewildered for a moment before he seemed to remember what brought him here in the first place.

"Hello Love, I'm here because Doc wanted to speak with you privately in the library. She says that the TARDIS will guide you to her location. She seemed a little off after you and Yaz left. Did something happen? Is everything ok?" Graham asked cautiously. He must be so confused.

"Sort of. I'll explain more when I get back but what do you mean by "a little off"?"

"Well she seemed lost in all sense of the word. She kept muttering "Te Amo" all the time. She was all over the place aswell. She got me and Ryan back here not long after you guys. Something about not trusting Ryan to not get alcohol poisoning without her around. She hasn't really left the library since if I'm honest. She's been in there for 12 hours. I only know she wants you because she whattsapped me on my phone. Whatever is going on, please sort it out, she's starting to really worry me. She hasn't been the same since that Master guy came around." Graham spoke clearly, albeit confused. I nodded my head and walked in the opposite direction to him and hoped the TARDIS would take me there quicker than normal. I want to treat this like a plaster, rip it off in one go.

Sooner than I realised, I grabbed the all too familiar door knob of the library. I took a deep breath and walked in. A blue line appeared towards the interactive map. I awakened the console and I saw a black screen with a few words on it. It looked like a message with how it was presented.

Hello (y/n)! Don't walk until you calm. Breath deeply and try not to panic. I promise you, all will work out in the end. I see more than you realise and I know my thief better than anyone whoever stepped foot into my being. I know of her main problem about the situation. If she loves you, drink this. It won't hurt, she'll know what it is.

The TARDIS

I should have been surprised by this new knowledge that she could speak to me, in a way, but I've seen so much and I am so tender hooks so I didn't take much notice of it. I quickly sat down and tried to control my breathing. After about 5 or so minutes, I felt calm enough to finally meet up with her and hear what she has to say.

I followed the blue line carefully until I spotted her in a comfy room. She mustve gotten changed at some point as she was wearing her usual rainbow outfit, minus the jacket. She was sat on a deep purple sofa, legs curled into her body. Her shoes were on the carpeted floor underneath her, seemingly forgotten for the moment. There were many books surrounding us from many cultures and spieces. One wall had a cozy wood burning fireplace crackling within the silence that surrounded us.

Her face was scrunched within deep thought. Her eyes sparkling with an emotion that I couldn't quite put my finger on; hope, sorrow or excitement? Her lips had a small smirk gracing them and her teeth had bitten a small part of it. Her hands were holding a book in a way where I couldn't quite see what it was.

I didn't want to disturb her as she looked so ethereal with the warm glow of the fire highlighting her in the perfect way. Unfortunately, it's plaster time and I wanted this sorted sooner rather than later. I took a deep breath took in the picture for memory.

"Hey, Graham said you wanted to talk to me? Is everything ok?" I asked gently and as softly as I could so she was carefully brought out of her little world. I didn't want to scare her. She raised her eyes from her book for a moment and bookmarked the page she was at with a little TARDIS paperclip. She placed the book on the table at the side of her and patted the seat next to her.

As I sat down my nerves were through the roof. She gave nothing away as she stared at me for a minute, as if assessing something about me.

"Why are you so nervous? Calm down. You are right, It is to do with last night. You left pretty abruptly after basically confessing your feelings to me. I was so confused, not just about what you said but about myself and what I wanted to do about you." The Doctor spoke monotonously. Did she mean get rid of me? "I had to first of all, find out what you said, well done on learning a new language by the way, one even I'm not fluent at. I'm guessing the old girl had something to do with that idea. Not that, you aren't smart enough but you don't know what languages I do or don't know."

The Tardis seemed to chuckled at the accusation and I simply nodded my head. "I wanted to buy myself time and to impress you."

"You impressed me a long time ago Miss (l/n). That is just a cherry on top. After I figured out what you said, no thanks to my old friend here, I went through a lot of thinking. I've not been in many relationships and you know my history regarding the ones I have been in. You know, River and Missy? And I have such a bad past with it ending in nothing but tears for me. I always lose those I care for deeply." She spoke with tears spilling from her gorgeous eyes. I grabbed her face gently and wiped away the stray tears that managed to escape their home.

"That was when you were a man. You're a woman now, everything is so different. Relationships can be heartbreaking. I know what you're main problem is and the TARDIS has a solution to that. I just need you to tell me the truth. How do you feel about me? Do you want me to stay or not?" I stated holding the small shot glassed amount of liquid in my hand. The liquid was golden and sparkled slightly in the light. There were specks of orange and silver within it and it was as hot as a nice cup of (hot drink). Her eyes sparkled with hope and shock. Her lips were smiling wide. And she seemed to giggle at the sight of it. She held it for a moment as if examining it like a rare artefact, maybe it was. Either way, I trust her judgement and if she's happy about it, then so am I. Once she had analysed the drink, she practically leapt into my arms and pushed me down on my back. She smelled of custard creams and the TARDIS which was odd but completely her and I couldn't imagine her smelling any other way.

"That does solve our problem! What she has just given you is the rarest liquid in the universe seeing as only one thing in the entirety of space can produce it. That drink is known as the nectar of the chosen ones. It's rare as the race that used to make them has practically gone extinct. There's only 3 left in the known universe and you're living in one. That drink is the blood of the TARDIS. It grants you immortality if you drink it. It is said to resemble your favourite beverage no matter who you are. However, it only lasts 100 years and you must drink it every century or else your body clock will kick in and you will age and be as mortal as you are now." She speaks with a warning as we sit up holding holds.

"I have no problem with that. I would sacrifice everything if it meant I got to call you mine. Just please tell me and I'll drink it." I told her with adoration in my eyes.

She held me close and planted a soft and gentle kiss to my lips. It was short but it sent more fireworks than you can imagine through my body. I knew I had found her. She grabbed my waist and whispered next to my ear:

"Te Amo"

[longitud-de-onda]

piece of your heart

pairing; javier peña x female reader summary; javi takes you out dancing and drunkenly starts saying things in spanish that you can’t understand rating; t warnings; alcohol, drunkenness (and the vomiting that comes after), unrequited feelings (or not?), and angst. word count; 2.4k requested; by two anons. requests under break. a/n; combined these two requests and wrote this on a plane. there’ll be a part two 😉

“javi request where he takes the reader dancing 🥺 something similar to the dance in 3x1 of narcos thank u sm and ur the best !! 💖”

“You are at a bar after work with Steve and Javi. Javi asks you to dance with him. He is drunk & kind of grinding on you and he starts to say some things in Spanish. You don't speak Spanish very well, and assume he is saying lewd things, but when you go home, you remember some of the things he said and you put them in Google Translate and he is actually confessing really sweet things like he loves you, you are the most beautiful woman he has ever seen, an he is so screwed.”

“So, tonight? Wanna go out dancing with some of the others?” Javier has just walked up to your desk and sat on top of your work, staring you down.

“Dancing? No thanks,” you tell Javier.

Going out dancing with Javier Peña? That involved alcohol and lowered inhibitions and you aren’t ready to do that. You’ll admit, having him here, asking you to go dancing with him, it hurts. You can imagine in another life, one where you weren’t living in Colombia and meddling with international politics in a way even the US President would likely disapprove of, you could be brave, step up and tell Javi how you felt. But you were both in a line of work that didn’t allow for relationships, and catching feelings was the worst illness that could befall you.

And you had caught the virus.

“Come on, it’s been a hell of a week for everyone. There’s about seven of us, going over to the disco downtown, we can get plastered, forget about work, have a bit of fun?” he smiles at you, and you shake your head.

“Not tonight, Javi,” you say. “Anyway, it’s Friday, and we work tomorrow.”

You’ve said yes before. That night sucked. You watched him flirt with every woman in the bar, watched him make out with a young woman in a booth. You cried the entire drive home, and on your way up to your apartment, you passed his first-floor apartment and could hear the moans coming from inside. There was nothing crueler than wanting someone you couldn’t have, someone who would sleep with anyone, except you.

The feeling had weighed heavy on your heart for a long time now, and while it was easy to avoid the man, given that you worked in different departments, he managed to find a reason to visit you. Sneaking him classified documents. Helping him with a wiretap. Doing background checks. And every time he asked you’d comply if only to get a few extra minutes of his presence. A bit more time where that smile was directed at you and not one of the many other women in the building. A few moments where you could pretend that he cared.

“You sure? It’s not really a night without my favorite CIA agent,” he says, putting on the sly grin he uses to bend anyone’s will. The one he uses to get informants to reveal a bit more than they intended.

You want, so badly, to say no. To not force yourself to survive another night of suffering. But you’re weak and probably a masochist. And there’s the fact that he’s asking you, begging you, to come with him. To spend time with him. Even if it means you’ll end the night in tears, historically you’ve never been one to turn down time with Javier, no matter how much it hurt, and you weren’t going to stop tonight.

“Fine, but you’re buying the first round,” you agree.

“Good!” He jumps off of your desk. “It’s gonna be great. See you at eight.”

“Eight, okay...”

He leaves the room, a bit more bounce in his gait, and you smile to yourself, knowing that you were the reason for his excitement.

The day passed slowly, you had too many reports to read through and not enough coffee could keep you going. When you finished for the day, you were one of the last ones still in the office, and you headed home, looking forward to a shower and some warmed up leftovers for dinner.

You don’t have plans to drink too much. You don’t want to be hungover at work, and you had a tendency to spill secrets when wasted. With Javier around, that wasn’t something you wanted to get involved with. Still, you make sure you’ve got enough food in your stomach and drink some water so that the inevitable multitudes of shots you’ll be coerced into drinking don’t go straight to your head.

At eight, you’re waiting in the foyer of the complex, along with Steve, Connie, Marta, the current ambassador’s secretary, and Anthony, one of the other DEA agents that lived in the complex. You were going to be meeting another 5, apparently, at the disco. It was turning into quite the evening, especially considering that you had work the next day. You were told the plan was to take two cars over, so two groups could head back whenever, and if you were too drunk, it was close enough you could probably walk or just take a taxi if things went south.

Javi is obviously rushing as he bursts out of his apartment, still buttoning up his shirt. You let your eyes roam over him from the back of the group. He had put some effort into the look for the evening, a nice pair of slacks than he usually wore, and he had done something with his hair.

It makes you feel more than a bit self-conscious of how unimpressive you look before you mentally slap yourself. You’re not here to impress Javier. You don’t need to put in an effort, even if you did he still wouldn’t go for you.

“Ready?” Javier asks, and you all exit the building.

Two hours into the evening, you’re sufficiently tipsy after a couple beers. You had resisted Connie’s multiple offers of shots, but you didn’t stop her from dragging you onto the dance floor for a solid hour. You’re sweaty and a bit tired already, back at the bar where some of the guys in your group are gathered.

You watch as Javier starts knocking back shots of tequila with Anthony, something you weren’t expecting. He was always the one to slowly sip at a glass of whiskey over the night, or drink beer. He must really want to get drunk tonight.

You slip onto a barstool and order a bottle of beer. Javier is a couple feet away, and he’s already acting like he’s lost all control, and you worry about his fate in the morning. He wasn’t usually this careless with his alcohol.

He sidles up next to you, “Y/N! We should go dance.”

He wraps an arm around your shoulders, trying to pull you up off your seat.

“Javi, no,” you say. You should be jumping for joy. Happy that he actually wants to spend time with you. But you know that it’s only because he’s so incredibly drunk.

“Please, darling? I didn’t invite you out so that you could sit here.” he drawls out, his Texas accent appears in moments like this, and you wish it didn’t make you feel things.

He drags his hand down your bare arm, wrapping his fingers around your hand and pulling you up.

“Okay.” You must hate yourself.

He pulls you through the crowds into the center of the dance floor. Arms wrap around your waist, pulling you flush against him, and you yelp in surprise.

“¿Todo bien, compañera?” he laughs in your ear, something light and fluttery.

“Javi you know I don’t speak Spanish,” you say, bowing your head.

“You should, it would sound so beautiful coming from you,” he says and you close your eyes, reminding yourself that he’s so far gone he doesn’t know what he’s saying.

He starts to sway to the music, and his hands on your waist radiate heat straight through your dress. The whole disco is hot, but you feel even warmer wrapped up in Javier. The music thrums through your body, and you look up at his eyes, glittering with the almost-goofy smile he wears.

You want to imagine that this is real. That he’s here, hands all over you, because he wants to. You wish you could move your hands down from around his neck, or pull him in tighter, and not regret it tomorrow morning. You know you’re going to wake up tomorrow alone in bed, remembering how much could have happened if Javier cared, and that he will wake up, probably with someone else, someone who’s in this very room right now.

That thought almost makes you let go of Javier and run away, but he pulls your hips into his, rolling up against you. He lets out a moan that shoots straight to your core, and you close your eyes tight, hoping you’ll open them again for this to be just a dream.

Instead, you open them at the feeling of his breath, hot near your ear.

“Eres tan hermosa, Y/N,” he says.

You don’t know a word he’s saying but you’re pretty sure you have an idea of what he means. He’s grinding up against you, drunk and probably horny, like he is most nights, the words likely meaning something about how he’d like to take you here on the dance floor. Something disgusting and quick and meaningless.

“Me vuelves loco.”

But you’re too tipsy to get caught up on that. You want to pretend he’s saying anything but what you know he’s going on about. Want to pretend his arms aren’t slinking lower down your back until they brush over your ass. You want to believe he’s doing it because he wants to.

You decide it’s better to let go for the night. Maybe you can pretend. Just for an hour.

The music washes over you, and you move your hips along with his, and while he takes the lead, you follow, dancing as if you knew what you were doing.

“Cuando bailas así, no quiero que todos estén aquí,” he groans, “Quiero estar a solas contigo.”

If only you knew what he was saying. If you knew exactly what sort of lewd things he is saying, maybe it would be enough to knock some sense into your head and leave him on the dance floor. But you don’t.

Thank god you don’t.

It means you get to dance in his arms for a little bit more.

“No sabes, porque tu español es una mierda, pero estoy con tantas mujeres para que pueda intentar olvidarte,” he says, “Es tortura, tener alguién tan perfecta como tú, tan cerca, pero tan inalcanzable.”

When he speaks Spanish, he sounds so different. Sometimes, like now, it’s like he’s reciting a love poem. Other times, like when you hear him talking to the police, he becomes someone commanding and aggressive. Not like the Javier who spoke English to you, smiled, and sheepishly asked for favors.

“Nunca ha funcionado, no puedo olvidarte,” he says.

“Javi, you know I don’t understand you, right?” you say and he responds by thrusting his hips into you again. You bite your lip, and it only becomes more painful as you feel his bulge against your body. You’re just another body for him. And that is a sobering realization. You’re about to cry and you’re glad he’s looking over your shoulder and can’t see your face.

“Deseo poder besarte,” he whispers in your ear, “Te quiero.”

You were so stupid to fall for such a man. It’s killing you.

With one hand still on your ass, he brings the other one up, palming your breast. The moan you involuntarily release shocks you enough to push him away.

“Javier,” you say, panicking, “I can’t—“

Before you say anything more you see the twisted look on his face, somewhere between completely ravaged and utterly lost. You turn and, pushing through people, go back to the bar, where you order a shot which you quickly down before sitting down and letting the tears fall.

After fifteen minutes of looking like the saddest person in the disco, the bartender takes pity on you and gives you a glass of water and some tissues. You thank her.

The night had so quickly turned to shit. It was so much worse than previous ones. It was a torture you couldn’t handle anymore.

“Y/N!” screams a voice in your ear, someone drunk and loud.

You turn. It’s Marta.

“What?”

“It’s Javier, he’s outside puking. You’re the soberest of us you need to take him home.”

Shit. Of course this would happen.

“Fine, but take care, Marta, I don’t want you not making it home tonight.”

She thanks you and disappears into the throngs of people.

You settle your tab and Javier’s and go outside. Javier is sitting on the curb, keeled over and emptying his guts onto the stone streets.

If your heart didn’t hurt so much, you’d laugh. You hadn’t known anyone over the age of 30 drunk themselves to this point.

“Javier?” you say.

He looks up and starts to say something, but you can see the regret on his face flash upon opening his mouth as it only brings on another wave of nausea. You look away.

When he finishes, you say, “Come on, Javi, let's get you home.”

He tries to stand and you have to dive into his side to stabilize him. When you’re in a position where you can support his weight, you guide him towards his car.

You strap him into the passenger seat and reach your hand into his pocket, finding the car keys.

The ride home he stays silent. He hasn’t said a word to you since he was whispering in your ear on the dance floor. You suppose he has a fair reason to not open his mouth now though. Probably doesn’t want to soil his own vehicle.

You get him into his apartment just fine, set him up with a glass of water and make him take some pain meds.

“Don’t die on me Javi, no choking on your vomit overnight, okay?” you say and he nods.

Back in your apartment, you sit down on your couch. You should go to sleep. You need to be at work in 7 hours.

But some vicious part of your mind reminds you of the words Javier had said. You curse your curiosity and pull out your Spanish dictionary.

You only remember three phrases, “quiero estar a solas contigo,” “deseo poder besarte,” and “te quiero.”

As you look up the words, your eyes widen. Quiero: I want. Estar: To be. Solas: alone. Contigo: with you.

Shit.

Deseo: I wish. Poder: to be able to. Besarte: to kiss you.

Fuck.

The last one requires you to look it up in the phrasebook. ‘I want you’ didn’t feel right. When you find it you almost drop the book on the floor.

Te quiero: I love you.

next part

translations;

¿Todo bien, compañera?

Everything okay, partner/colleague/girlfriend?

Eres tan hermosa

You are so beautiful

Me vuelves loco.

You drive me crazy

Cuando bailas así, no quiero que todos estén aquí. Quiero estar a solas contigo.

When you dance like that, I don’t want everyone to be here. I want to be alone with you. 

No sabes, porque tu español es una mierda, pero estoy con tantas mujeres para que pueda intentar olvidarte

You don’t know because your Spanish sucks, but I’m with so many women so I can try to forget you

Es tortura, tener alguién tan perfecta como tú, tan cerca, pero tan inalcanzable.

It’s torture, having someone as perfect as you, so close, yet so unreachable. 

Nunca ha funcionado, no puedo olvidarte 

It’s never worked, I can’t forget you

Deseo poder besarte 

I wish I could kiss you

Te quiero. 

I love you

taglist; @pascalisthepunkest​ @turquiosenights @el-lizzie​

[heymacy]

author interview

i was tagged by my beloved @iansfreckles 🧡🧡🧡

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

5, about to be 6! ✨

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

233,543 holy WOW

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Teenage Dirtbag

Teenage Dirtbag: The One Shots

pulling on your threads

The Ginger Intruder

Help Is Other People

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i don’t usually and i feel fucking awful about it. i don’t really leave comments either, but i’m getting better about that 🥺 i’m way better about answering asks, but even that’s hard sometimes because i don’t wanna put spoilers on people’s dashboards unintentionally. idk, i have a lot of anxiety surrounding that sort of stuff but i’m trying to do better! i’m challenging myself to respond to every single comment on chapter 1 of TLO 😤

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

oh boy. um, none of them? when i finish HIOP (i haven’t abandoned it, i’ve just been hella busy with TLO and life and stuff) it’ll have a similar sort of bittersweet ending as in TGP canon, but i don’t particularly like truly angsty endings. i honestly don’t know if i’ll ever write one. angst in a fic? yes, absolutely, tons of it, please. but i need a happy ending. 

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

teenage dirtbag 🥺🥰 those lil fuckers really did that, didn’t they?

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

“Help Is Other People” is sort of a shameless/TGP crossover bc of characters & concepts, but it’s not exactly a “crossover” in the traditional sense? it’s probably the only one i’ll ever write bc it just happened to line up perfectly with the character journeys, it was never my intention to write a crossover because i personally don’t care for them lmao

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

shockingly enough, no. not in the comments or anything. i’ve had a few rude anons but their messages were written in such a way i knew it was a them-issue and i just happened to say/write something that they didn’t particularly like in that moment and became a target of their anger. if i ever did get a true hate comment, y’all would never know because i would never publish it & give them that sort of satisfaction, lmao. i mean, i might, if it was funny and i needed to make a point 👀

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes, sparingly. well, until TLO comes along 🤭 then “sparingly” will be replaced with “gratuitously” for a while, oops 🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️ and all kinds, eventually. my only published stuff right now is awkward boyfriends content and TLO is…very different lmao

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

no, and holy shit that happens?? oh that’s fucked up

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no, but oh my god i’d cry if that happened

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no! but i think it would be fun to try when i’m not so busy with other projects lmao (don’t worry, i’ll be stickin’ around this little sphere of the internet for quite some time)

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

all time? temperance brennan and seeley booth from “bones”. then ian and mickey, then my headcanon versions of alice cullen and bella swan. yes i’ve written fic for all of them. yes i enjoy my characters with a dash of ✨trauma✨ and what about it? 😌

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

none, i will finish every WIP i ever start goddammit 😤😤😤 (this is more for me than anyone else)

15. What are your writing strengths?

i have a hard time gauging my own strengths, so here’s what people have told me in messages/comments before: thoughtful world-building, immersive and/or cinematic writing style, creative storylines. and i’ll agree with them bc i’m trying to be better about doing that 💛

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

much like in real life, i talk too much. my writing is often long-winded and rambling and it’s definitely something i’m working on. i also change a lot of shit last minute so maintaining consistency with small details is difficult for me sometimes, and i lose a lot of writing time to double-and-triple-checking every little stupid thing 😭

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i think it’s a really interesting artistic choice to write a fic in one language and have pieces of dialogue in another language within the story - if i came across that in a fic, i’d be hitting google translate immediately because i’d be so curious - it could be interesting to hide a lil easter egg in a story that way 👀

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

twilight FUCK OFF

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

i have literally no idea, i hadn’t written fic for 6 years before i started writing TD and i only started again because i was so invested in the characters!

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

teenage dirtbag 😍 my child, my love, my heart and soul, you’re everything to me 💛

i’m tagging: @arrowflier @gardenerian @sweetcresta & @xgoldendays 🥰

[suitofvibraniumarmor]

If You Just Realize

Part Thirteen: Keep It Together

Summary: More changes come for Sebastian and his girls.  Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader Word Count: 2405 Series Warnings: Death, angst, sadness. Lots of creative licensing, I’m sure. Chapter Warnings: Implied smut, child custody issues.   Square Filled: This entire series will fill my realized feelings square for @marvelfluffbingo. A/N: I’ve much enjoyed writing this series, and I hope all of you enjoy reading it! The tag list is open; requests to be added can be done so here. There are bits and pieces of Romanian throughout the series, mostly from Google Translate and the few things I’ve picked up as I learn the language.

Also, I don’t know why I’ve never mentioned it before, but a huge song inspiration for the title of this fic (and some chapter titles) is Realize by Colbie Caillat.

Series Masterlist

The car ride to the Hills’ house was tense; with an important, unfinished conversation behind them and another unknown in front of them, both Sebastian and Y/N were on the defensive. So much had happened in such a short time, they both felt as though it was only a matter of who would break first. 

“That car wasn’t here when we dropped her off,” Y/N noted, getting out of the car. She met Sebastian at the front and held tight to his hand — more for her own comfort, she had to admit, than for his. 

He said nothing, only walked with her up to the front door and rang the bell. Alice was there before the chimes finished, concern etched into her features. 

“I didn’t know,” was the first thing she said, welcoming them in, but no further than the foyer. “I’m so sorry — Conor stopped by unexpectedly. Tim tried to just visit with him here on the porch, but his thinking still isn’t so quick and when Conor asked what I was doing …”

“And Conor wanted to see her,” Sebastian surmised. “Is he with her now?”

Alice nodded. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know how to tell him no without upsetting the whole situation and Tim and Milena.”

“It’s not your fault — what else were you supposed to do?” Sebastian squeezed her shoulder. “Where are they now?”

“In the den, watching cartoons.”

Sebastian dropped Y/N’s hand and stalked towards the den. She and Alice were hot on his heels though, concern and fear racing through them at the stern set of Sebastian’s jaw and the dark shade of blue his eyes had taken on. 

In the den, Milena was curled up in Tim’s lap, watching cartoons. She was stealing glances at Conor, as though waiting for him to make any kind of sudden movement. Sebastian stopped at the entryway and took a deep breath to calm his demeanor before Milena saw him. 

“Hey, munchkin,” he greeted with a smile. “Ready to go home?”

Y/N breathed a momentary sigh of relief when she reached Sebastian’s side and saw the smile on his face; even if it was only for Milena’s benefit, it eased her nerves, too. 

“Uncle Seb!” Milena exclaimed, scrambling down from Tim’s lap and racing toward her uncle. She wrapped her arms around his legs and looked up at Y/N. “We going home now?”

Y/N picked her up and nodded. “Yes, princess, we’re going home. Where are your shoes?”

“I have them in my room,” Alice answered. “Come on, Milena, let’s show Y/N where they are.”

The women left the room, and only then did Conor rise from the couch to shake hands with Sebastian. The latter man returned to his closed off, cold expression. 

“I’ll leave you gentlemen to talk,” Tim excused himself. Conor helped his dad up from the chair, and then Tim was out of the room, leaning on the walker for support. 

Sebastian kept his eyes on Conor the whole time. “You cannot be around her. If I have to have that put in the court papers too, I will. I know you’ve hit some low points, but putting your parents in this situation? Especially after everything they’ve been dealing with since your dad’s stroke?”

“She’s my daughter,” Conor returned. 

“Not according to the papers you signed saying you didn’t want her,” Sebastian reminded. “She’s ours. Y/N and I will raise her, my parents and your parents will help and will see her as often as they’d like. You will never be a part of that.”

Sebastian turned to go, but Conor grabbed for his arm. Sebastian turned back, looked down at the grip on his arm, then back at Conor. That man put his hands up in surrender and took a step back. 

“I’m sorry, but this conversation isn’t over,” Conor explained. “I was wrong to sign my rights away. I’ve seen her grow up through pictures up until now, but Irina would never hear of anything different.”

“And why should she have?” Sebastian countered. “You didn’t want Milena! You made that clear months before she was even born.  I was there. My parents, your parents were there. My wife has been there more for Milena since Irina died than you have in her entire life. Where have you been when she cries for Irina? Where have you been when her tummy aches for no reason at all? Where have you been when she’s crying and screaming for hours at night? Nowhere. You haven’t been around at all. Now you see her for the first time in her life and you think you want things to change? You have no idea who Milena is, what her needs are.” He shook his head. “You can say whatever you want, man, but I’m not going to up-end her world any more than what’s already been done out of my control.”

Conor set his jaw. “We’ll see what the courts have to say about that.”

Sebastian snorted. “Yeah, go ahead and get the courts involved. You’re not going to win. Milena is ours, Conor. She will never be yours.”

With that, Sebastian picked up Milena’s jacket from the back of the couch and went in search of his wife and niece. 

“How many days till my bir’day?” 

Sebastian smiled and mentally counted the days. “Let’s see, we just finished Halloween, you birthday is the first day of December … about twenty-seven.”

“That’s so many,” Milena whined. 

Y/N smiled from the counter where she was kneading bread dough. Sebastian and Milena were ‘helping’ from the other side of the island — which really meant Milena was playing with Play-Doh and Sebastian was supervising to see that none of the play stuff got in with the actual dough. 

“It’ll be here before you know it,” Y/N assured, measuring out some cinnamon and sugar to fold into the dough. “What kind of party should we have? Oh, let me guess — princesses!”

But Milena wrinkled her nose and shook her head. “No! I want puppies!”

The adults laughed at the squeal of excitement that followed the mention of puppies. A shared glance when Milena went back to her Play-Doh told Y/N that Sebastian was thinking exactly the same as she was: it was time to talk about getting a pet in the house. 

“I mean, we have all this land,” Sebastian began after putting Milena down for an afternoon nap, “seems silly not to have some little creature running around to keep Milena busy.”

“Little creature,” Y/N chuckled, setting the timer for the bread to bake. “Well, we can start looking, but if we want it for her birthday, we shouldn’t look for too long. I’ll get with your mom and Alice and see what we can all put together. Not that you and Tim wouldn’t wanna help but …”

“But it’s probably better we don’t,” he laughed. “I get it.”

She flashed him a winning smile before going to the sink to work on the dishes and Sebastian’s heart beat faster. Since the day Conor had shown up, they hadn’t resumed their conversation, having agreed there was too much going on at the moment to deal with anything else. Milena needed stability and calm, and they couldn’t offer that to her with Conor’s legal threats, the night terrors, and grieving her mother already on their plates. 

Today, however, he couldn’t seem to stop himself. The house was warm and smelled of autumn, thanks to the candles Y/N had lit throughout the place. With his two girls there in good spirits, he finally felt like the place was home. She was singing along softly to the music playing from her phone as she rinsed out the dishes and loaded the washer. Her oversized sweatshirt — one he was sure had actually come from his collection — with the sleeves rolled up and her form-fitting cotton leggings had his eye all day as possibly the most adorable outfit he had ever seen her wear. It seemed a shame that he hadn’t kissed her in so many days. 

She drew in a sharp breath when his hands landed on her shoulders, then giggled when she realized he was behind her. His lips pressed to the top of her head; she leaned back into him. 

“You smell extra good today,” she told him softly. 

Sebastian smiled. “I’m glad you think so. I know we have a lot of things unfinished and undecided between us, Y/N/N, but today feels so much like home. You are home to me. You’ll have to forgive me if I needed to be a little closer to you for it.”

Turning in his arms, Y/N shook her head. “Nothing to forgive.”

He smiled and dipped his head down to kiss her. Shivers raced over his spine when her hands, chilly from rinsing dishes, brushed over the back of his neck. She responded to his kiss eagerly, making Sebastian wish he had pushed closer to her sooner. As the kiss continued, he lifted her onto the counter and pushed between her legs so that he could be as close to her as possible. 

“I suppose,” Y/N told him between kisses, “there is one piece of unfinished business we could get on with — at least one.”

Sebastian raised a brow. “At least one?”

She nodded then returned to their kiss. Sebastian picked her up and carried her bridal style to their bedroom. He was sure of one thing they could finish, but what else was there? It had him slightly distracted as he moved over her on the bed. His kisses softened as he settled on top of her, balancing his weight on his elbows. 

“You’re sure about this? There’s more discussion for us to have, you know,” Sebastian reminded her in almost a whisper. 

Y/N drew in a deep breath and caressed his face. “I love you, Sebastian. I want this life with you. Do you think you want this life with me?”

“No,” he answered, pushing her hair away from her face, “I know that I want this life with you. I love you, Bright Eyes.”

Her grin was as big as he had ever seen it. He leaned to kiss her again, his hand going under that oversized sweatshirt, his heart reveling in the certainty of their love for one another. 

The blow came a few days later. Philip called so early in the morning, Milena was still asleep, and Y/N and Sebastian were only awake because she had a flight to Los Angeles for a talk show interview the next day. 

“I almost forgot in all of this that I am actually an actress,” she chuckled over her coffee. 

Sebastian smiled back at her, his heart not yet ready to let her be across the country, even it was only for a quick trip. “Too bad we can’t stay inside our cozy little bubble here.”

“Mmm, agreed.”

The phone rang then; Sebastian frowned at Philip’s name on the caller ID at that hour. He slid his thumb across the screen and answered with measured concern in his voice. 

“You’re on speaker, Y/N is here with me,” he added, pressing the appropriate option on the screen. 

“Good morning,” Philip sighed, “and also my apologies for starting your day this way. I don’t know how he managed it, but Conor has gotten a judge to rule for him to a mandated week with Milena in his care, to see how things go.”

“He can’t do that! He signed his rights away!” Y/N exclaimed. Tears immediately filled her eyes. 

Philip sighed. “I know that, but this is complex situation. He’s her biological parent, her mother has passed away. I’ve never dealt with this judge before, but apparently she’s got a soft spot for fathers who are doing their best to be fathers.”

Y/N opened her mouth again, but Sebastian stopped her. “What does this mean?”

“Child and Family Services will be coming to get her later this morning. Pack her enough for a couple of days, but Conor has been told he needs to provide for her during this week, as well. Apparently he’s got a live-in girlfriend who he’s been with for a while, and she’ll be there to help him.” 

Sebastian was near speechless. “We can’t fight this?”

“It all happened really quickly — I wasn’t even notified until it was on paper and signed off, or bet your ass I would have fought it. I know before I said we wouldn’t need it, but it would have been much better at this point to have Irina’s wishes on paper.” He paused for a moment. “I’m sorry, I know that’s not helpful. The best I can tell you right now is prepare Milena for what’s going to happen. Tell her it isn’t permanent as far as you know, tell her that you’re going to bring her back home just as soon as you can, but also don’t speak poorly of Conor. After a week, CFS will bring her back to you.”

“I’ve got to cancel my flight,” Y/N said, already on her own phone to call her assistant. Sebastian gently took the device from her, motioning for her to wait. 

“All right, Phil, thanks for letting us know. If anything else comes up — just let us know what we can do to keep her.”

Philip promised that he would, then the men disconnected the call. Sebastian turned to Y/N. 

“I don’t want you canceling that interview,” he told her. “As much as I know you want to be here, I’m not ready for the media to get a hold of this. As soon as you cancel something, they’re going to start speculating and digging. I can’t have that, not yet. You can’t help here, anyway.”

She sniffled. “But I want to be here for you.”

“I know, and I do want you here with me, but to protect ourselves and our privacy for right now, we’re going to have to support each other from a distance for a couple of days.” He kissed her head. “Besides, if they go to Conor, I get the feeling the pseudo-fame will only fuel his purpose.”

Y/N stood to wrap her arms around his neck. Sebastian held her just as tight, praying as they held each other that the little family they were working so hard to stabilized wouldn’t be permanently torn apart by this development. 

AllOfTheThings: @captain-s-rogers @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @hurricanerin @horsesandbandsforlife @im-not-an-armrest-im-short @shynara51 @sea040561 @pinknerdpanda @xtina2191 @jackryanplz @beakami @heartsaved @fullprunerebelstatesman @blackwidowismyhomegirl @averyrogers83 @jennmurawski13 @connie326

IYJR: @elsatxx @tanelle83 @amanda-teaches @etherealwaifgoddess @kmuir1 @ntlmundy @jayankles @rebekahdawkins @denise1605 @rhadigen @peace-love-hobbitness @itsallyscorner @mizzzpink @auspiciousharriet @the-murder-strut-murdered-me @learisa @tellmewhatyouwill @katherinereid @lokilokilokilokilokiloki @auriandthepussicats @tellmewhatyouwill @itsmycorneroftheinternet @andreagf956​ @voltage-my2dlove​

[nikxation]

Fic Writer Interview

I was tagged by @endae <3 I throw this under a Read More since it's a little long.

How many works do you have on AO3?

23 (wow that's so much more than I had thought)

What’s your total word count on AO3

215,893 jesus fucking c-

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Marvel, Miraculous Ladybug, Gravity Falls, Danny Phantom, Star Wars So 5. 5 fandoms

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Top to Bottom: Premiere Night With a Large Popcorn and a Side of Eye-Rolling (Miraculous Ladybug), Tactility (Star Wars/Mandalorian), Tell Him (Gravity Falls), A Matter of Time (Gravity Falls), Catharsis (Gravity Falls).

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to. I think I've only ever not responded to a couple comments, and that's because they either 1) came from a non-registered user, so I knew they wouldn't see my response, or 2) it was just a "Kudos" comment or something along those lines that I appreciated but maybe didn't have the time or drive to respond to. But all comments are appreciated, and I do respond to the majority of them. I like engaging with my readers and letting them know I appreciate them sharing their thoughts about my work.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I mean I straight-up kill Stan in Their End, so that'd probably be up there for that reason. But I still think Tell Him had a certain level of foreboding to it that made it pretty angsty (and as popular as it apparently was).

Do you write crossovers? If so, what’s the craziest thing you’ve ever written?

I don't write crossovers, haven't really found a plot for one that's excited me yet.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I... don't think so... Not that I can think of right off the bat.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have not, but I am... not as opposed to it as I used to be. I still don't think I ever will, but I blame my current affinity for pretty helmeted Star Wars men for the fact that I'm not vehemently opposed anymore. But again, not sure I ever would, but will clarify that if I ever wrote it, it would not be posted through this blog/account because this blog is non-explicit, I would make a side account for it.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I know.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yeah! DaraDjinn (don't know why Tumblr isn't letting me tag her) translated a couple of my GF fics to French a while back! Catharsis, Scars, and I Dreamt of Fire! Was super psyched when she asked me if she could do it!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I'm not very big on ships at the moment (aside from reader insert stuff, obviously, haha), but way back in the day, I really liked FrostIron (Loki x Tony Stark). It was one hell of a dynamic and really popular. Stucky (Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes) was a close second.

What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I'm not gonna say A Matter of Time, I'm not gonna say it and put those words out into the ether because I want to finish it I'm just trapped in Star Wars hell right now, but I'm also well aware of what happens when I latch onto a new hyperfixation, I can't maintain two of them, and I hate that because I really wanna finish AMoT and I know there are a lot of you out there that want me to finish it tooooooooo.

What are your writing strengths?

The two things people compliment me on all the time are the flow of my writing and my characterization. I personally love my writing flow, so I'm super glad when other people seem to like it too. When it comes to writing in-character, it's always a big fear of mine, but then I get comments of people gushing over how in-character things are, so that's reassuring and validating af.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I have one hell of a time with anything action-y (which is why... I don't write it a lot, haha). Fast-paced motion is really hard for me to nail down, especially when I like to hammer down details, so the necessity to get through things fast while still maintaining a clear picture of what's happening??? Difficult af.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I think it completely depends on the situation, both in the fic and in real life. With respect to the fic, if you're writing dialogue in another language, it better be 100% in-character and not awkward. Like, too often you see people dropping in other languages either to use as petnames or to have a "oh oops sorry I accidentally switched languages" which gets... very near that unrealistic trope and can sometimes even come across as fetishizing??? So, like, it better be in-character and within reason. Bear in mind that if you're writing in another language, you better have a translation readily accessible, probably in notes (which, is still annoying because either you have to scroll down to see what they said, or you have to just keep reading not knowing... which, if you're not supposed to know, then alright I guess, but if it's a full conversation that you're supposed to be in-the-know on, it's annoying). With respect to your real-life situation, if it's a language you are personally not fluent in, you better be finding someone who is to run things by them. You can really ostracize your readers and take them out of your story if they speak the language and you say something taboo or blatantly incorrect because you just used Google translate. So, have someone who knows the language double-check your stuff, make sure it all reads correctly. TL;DR: Be tasteful and smart if you really feel the need to do it. Remember you're putting more work on the readers, so it better be worth it. And make sure you have someone check your work if you're not fluent in the language.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Pokemon, back in like 3rd or 4th grade.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve ever written?

I'm still proud of Catharsis, it was my first real delve into very introspective writing and flow, and it's a way of writing that I really enjoy slipping into every once in a while now. Also a lot of really nice descriptions and metaphors and motifs that I'm still very happy with to this day. More recently, I'm proud of Tactility, more for what it did for me rather than the fic itself. Well, I mean, I'm proud of the fic, it was my first delve into the Mando fandom and it got a lot of positive reception, it was exactly what I wanted it to be and came out exactly how I wanted it, especially in the short timeframe that I wrote it. But I'm just... very happy that I did it because writing reader inserts always felt very taboo for me. I've actually written a few before, all of them PG and very tame for different fandoms, but I've always just been... too nervous to post them? And this was the first one I actually felt comfortable posting and wanted to put out there, and it sort-of let me feel more comfortable with it and encouraged me to keep doing it, which I'm happy about because writing reader insert fics is so fun and I'm glad I feel comfortable enough to enjoy it openly now.

Uhhh I'll tag @bunniesofsteel @anistarrose @3hobbitsinatrenchcoat and anyone else who wants to do it, you can say I tagged you :)

[isuckatwritingmyfriends]

The 5 times Eddie doesn't know Buck speaks spanish +1 he finds out. Be gentle,, I used google translate lmao

1.

"Ni siquiera ves lo que me haces, ¿verdad?"

Buck's eyes are startled up from his phone, lifting to meet Eddie's where he was sitting next to him on the couch, hand rubbing soothing circles into his bad leg. Buck tilts his head, confused, and that's where Eddie makes a fatal mistake.

He laughs softly, "You'll ruin your eyes, staring at that thing so intensely."

Buck, still confused, opens his mouth to ask, but the bell rings and Eddie is gently placing his leg down to rush off to the trucks. He has no choice but to follow.

Sitting across from his best friend, Buck tries to think back on every interaction they've had since they met and- holy shit. Eddie doesn't know I speak spanish.

The call was relatively easy, but the shift had been long nonetheless and when they get back to the fire house, Buck's too distracted to remember to ask Eddie about what he said, before he's off to the showers. And why he lied about what it meant, he thinks. He narrows his eyes down at his boots, it's not like it was anything bad. Why lie?

And Buck gets close, so close to threading a very important needle when Eddie clangs his locker shut. "We'll see you for movie night tomorrow?" he asks, almost to the door already. Buck, mind elsewhere, nods distractedly at him. And he's gone, running off to pick up Christopher on time.

2.

Buck tells Maddie. Because of fucking course he doesn't think about the consequences of his actions. She grins at him, and immediately he knows he's made a mistake. "Oh? What do you do to him, Buck?"

He groans and tries to shove his hand in her face. "Stop, it's not like that." She gives him a flat look. He sighs. "Its not that I don't want it to be, you know that, I just don't want to mess it up with my feelings."

"Really though? What if he feels the same?"

"What if he doesn't?" Buck looks down at his plate, pushing his food around with his fork. "I can't risk losing him and Christopher on a what if."

Maddie frowns at him, but doesn't push much harder. "Well, you're going to tell him you speak spanish then?"

Buck shrugs, "I mean, yeah. I just don't get why he'd hide something so simple."

Maddie looks at him, thoroughly unimpressed, but before she has the chance to tell him that he's the smartest idiot she's ever met, his eyes catch the time on his phone. "Oh shit," he grabs his jacket and keys, fumbling around the table to kiss her cheek. "I love you, I'm gonna be late to movie night!"

"Bye, I love-" The door slams and she hears his quick steps fade down the hall. With a small smile, she pulls out her phone. Chimney's gonna love this.

--

Buck makes it barely on time, maybe speeding a bit through the less busy roads, but no one can prove it. He arrives two minutes before 7, bustling through the door without knocking.

He manages to close the door behind him before he catches an armful of Christopher. "You're here!" he shouts.

Buck grins down at him, lifting him for a squeeze and a twirl. "And I wasn't even late!"

Eddie walks out of the kitchen, smiling, "Just barely. Are your tires smoking?"

Buck sticks his tongue out in response.

Eddie's eye roll is instant, "¿Cómo estoy enamorado de un hombre tan inmaduro?"

Buck fumbles, almost dropping Christopher. He plays it off by setting the kid down, and asking "What'd you pick for a movie?"

Christopher, oblivious to Buck's small heart attack, happily takes his hand and leads him to the living room, rambling about how The Little Mermaid never gets old.

"Hey, how about you help me get the popcorn and drinks, buddy?" Christopher obliges, moving for the kitchen and releasing Buck. Eddie watches him until he's out of earshot, then turns to Buck. "Was that your leg? Is it bothering you any?"

Buck shakes his head, face turning red. "No it's just-" you literally just told me you love me, I think I'm allowed to freak the fuck out!

"It's okay, you go sit down and we'll be out in a sec."

Then Buck is left staring after his best friend, some weird feelings clenching in his chest.

3.

"HE SAID WHAT?!"

Buck slaps a hand over his sister's mouth. "Shut the fuck up! He'll hear you!"

Both pause and lean to look into the living room of Buck's apartment where Eddie and Chimney are aggressively mashing buttons on controllers. Chimeny looks over and smirks. Eddie glances over with a soft smile aimed at them. Buck waves.

He turns back to Maddie, still smiling, but frowns when he sees her face. "Stop it."

"I didn't say anything." She's grinning though, and Buck has been on the receiving end of that grin too many times to be so naive.

"Leave it."

Maddie looks like she's going to burst, so he takes her arm and pulls her over to his front door. "Oh was it so cute when you told him? Was he embarrassed?"

Buck mumbled something under his breath.

"What was that?"

He shot a quick glance back towards the couch, letting him have a moment of mourning for his poor game before turning back. "I didn't tell him."

Maddie's eyes went wide, her mouth opening to presumably start shouting at him, but cuts herself off with a garbled noise. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to compose herself. Buck braces himself. "So you're going to stand there and tell me that he told you, to your face, that he loves you-"

"More implied I think."

She slaps his arm and he winces. "Boy if we were alone, I swear to god!" she whisper-shouts. "Are you trying to ruin your friendship?"

"That's exactly what I'm trying to avoid!"

"How is this avoiding anything but your feelings?"

"Because he doesn't know I understand what he's saying!" Maddie gives him her best were-you-not-just-paying-attention-to-the-whole-ass-conversation-we-just-had look. It's very good. She's had a lot of practice. Buck pinches the bridge of his nose and tries to explain himself better. "He isn't comfortable enough to tell me when he thinks I'll know what he's saying. And it's different, he has a kid to think about. And I respect whatever choice he makes."

Maddie puts her hands on his shoulders. "You need to tell him. The fallout will be much worse if you let it continue." She smiles reassuringly at him, then walks back to their drinks on the counter.

--

It's after Maddie and Chimney have gone home for the night that Buck and Eddie have a few more drinks and chat. Eddie's talking about the sleepover Chris is at tonight while Buck zones in and out. How does one even begin to explain the thought process that lead him to keeping this secret? Oh god, he thinks, this is gonna be one of those little white lies that snowballs until I have to take it to my grave-

Fingers snap in front of his face, his eyes managing to focus on the smile on Eddie's face as he looks at him. "You okay?"

This is it. This is when you tell him you speak spanish. Buck opens his mouth, "Um actually," he pauses. Eddie looks at him, expectantly. "Uh, yeah, just tired." Damnit.

"We can turn in for the night," he suggests.

Buck nods, "Wanna spend the night? I've got clothes you could use?" NO. Absolutely not. Because you will share a bed and he will be wearing your clothes and you are a serial cuddler. So NO.

Eddie's smile grows, "I'm more concerned about how you hog the blankets."

Buck gasps in mock offense, shoving at him playfully. "I do not!"

Eddie just laughs.

Fuck. I'm so screwed. He just doesn't realize how screwed until they're laying in his bed, Eddie sprawled out on his stomach and Buck on his back, every muscle coiled tight. It's quiet for a while, long enough that Buck thinks he might have drifted off, but he shifts and his voice comes muffled from the pillows. "I can actually hear you thinking. Please sleep."

Buck rolls his eyes. Jokes on you, I'm not thinking, I'm panicking.

Eddie moves again and now he's looking at Buck. "Is it your leg?"

His heart twists in his chest and he shakes his head. "It's nothing. Probably you rolling around so much."

Eddie's quiet, so Buck turns his head to look. "Podría acostumbrarme a esta vista."

Buck's eyes widen. Then he sees a moment of small panic where Eddie thinks 'what if-?' But it's gone as soon as it arrives. "Just enjoying the blankets while I still can."

He huffs, but it's lighter between them and Buck starts to drift off.

4.

When they wake up, Buck finds he has taken another victim. Eddie had rolled onto his back sometime while they were asleep, and had Buck tucked in close, wrapped around him. Buck doesn't immediately panic because it feels too right. But when he wakes up more, he knows he should move before Eddie wakes up.

Buck tries to be subtle, slowly pulling his limbs back to himself, trying not to wake Eddie in the process. Except when he looks up, Eddie is watching him with a small smile. Buck's heart roundhouse kicks his ribcage and he let's out a startled "Oh."

Eddie just laughs, "Eres tan hermoso."

Buck's mouth falls open, but he doesn't say anything as Eddie extricates himself from Buck's grasp and starts for the stairs. "I'll make breakfast."

Once he's out of sight, Buck throws himself back on the mattress, slapping a hand over his eyes. "Fuck me."

--

He doesn't want to tell Maddie. Partly because she'll lose her shit, but mostly because he knows she's right. He's waited too long already, if Eddie finds out- When. When Eddie finds out. I can't keep this up forever.- he's probably going to be mad.

Buck ends up telling her. Obviously. She has the same reaction he thought she would. "He called you beautiful and said he wants to fall asleep to you?!"

Buck winces and holds the phone away from his ear for a moment. "Uh, basically I guess that was the gist of it."

"THE GIST?!" Buck grimaces, brings one hand up to scrub his face. "And you still didn't tell him?!"

Buck sighs, because he knows, okay? He really does, but he's scared too. "Mads I-"

Her voice is softer. "Buck, I know you're nervous. But you've said it before, you're basically family. Anyone could look at the two of you and Christopher and see how in love you are, see how much you'd do anything for them."

"Yeah but not Eddie." Bucks spins in his chair, he's tired and doesn't know what he's going to do. "If everyone can see how much I love him too, why can't he? Why doesn't he tell me all this? Why does he only say it when he thinks I don't understand?" Maddie sighs, but Buck continues. "I have to assume there's more here than I can see. If he doesn't want me to know, then I don't."

Maddie's quiet for a minute, just the sound of her breathing comes over the phone. Her voice is gentle when she says, "What happens when he finds out?"

Buck kinda just wants to cry. "I don't know, Mads. I don't know."

5.

Buck and Christopher are playing with legos in the living room. Well, Buck is playing, Christopher is actually building something. He's talking about his day at school and that he's excited for the weekend because he gets to see the rest of his family. Buck's listening attentively, asking questions where it matters and nodding along, until he hears a snippet of what Eddie is saying.

The other man is pacing back and forth behind the couch, on the phone with his family in El Paso. They're talking about the barbeque this weekend, presumably what Chris meant when he talked about being excited to see his family. But I'm not supposed to know that.

He's tense when he stops at the farther end of the couch, talking quickly into the phone. "-él debería poder venir, prácticamente está criando a Christopher conmigo." A pause. "No es justo. ¿Has hablado con Abuela?" He's quiet for a few minutes, then, "Christopher ama él. Lo amo él. Él viene, lo quiero allí, y eso es todo."

Eddie hangs up the phone. With his back still to the boys, he lifts his hand to rub his face with a sigh. When he turns around, he meets Buck's gaze. Okay? he mouths. Eddie nods back, and finally smiles. "I'll go grab some snacks, then we can watch some tv?" Buck grins and Christopher celebrates.

It isn't until after they put Christopher to bed and are sitting together on the couch that Eddie tells him about the barbeque.

"I want you to come. I mean," he scratches the back of his neck. "If you want to come, I would like you to."

"Is that what the phone call was about?"

Eddie gives him a long look and Buck thinks, this is when he realizes. But he doesn't, just sighs and says, "Yeah. Some of my cousins are... well, I'll just say difficult. My parents thought it would be best if it was just Christopher and I, but I told them that we want you to go."

Buck is, well, he's- I'm fucked. I love them. Eddie mistakes his silence. "No pressure though," he laughs.

Buck smiles and nods. "Yes. Yeah, I would love to go."

Eddie's smile lights up his face. "Good, cool, that sounds- uh good."

Buck just smiles back.

+1

What Eddie failed to mention when he told Buck about his cousins was that when he said 'difficult' he really meant 'homophobic'. And just as Maddie predicted, it was getting harder to hide that he knew Spanish. Curse her and her intelligence. Luckily, most of the family were happy to see Eddie and Christopher. And, if Buck was feeling less than modest, most of them loved him.

It started out great: playing with the kids until they all tired him out, eating around a huge table filled with family, chatting around. Buck was finding out many blackmail-worthy stories of Eddie when he was a teenager. With each new piece of information, he had to restrain himself from calling the team and telling them everything.

Buck was also finding out that almost everyone in the family thought they were together. Discreetly of course, they let most of it slip in Spanish, so they probably figured he didn't know they were talking about him. Unfortunately for Eddie, he talked about them all the time, and now Buck knew.

After the initial wave of guilt subsided, Buck made a plan. He went to the kitchen to grab Eddie and him another drink. I'm going to tell Eddie when we get back home. Buck was too busy thinking about how to break it to him, when two of the 'difficult' cousins walked into the kitchen behind him. He didn't notice at first, not until they started shit talking in Spanish.

"Es como él no respeta a esta familia." Buck doesn't turn. He's not supposed to understand what they're saying. Calm down. Leave it alone.

"¡Lo sé! ¿No entienden lo asqueroso que es ver eso?" Wow, that was incredibly offensive. He pushes around a few cans, looking for the drinks they had earlier.

"¡Y ahora Christopher está expuesto a eso!" Buck's hand tightens on a glass. Breathe. Don't say anything you'll regret later. It's not your place.

"No me sorprendería que juguete chico de Eddie corrompa al pobre niño."

Buck stands abruptly, smacking his head off the top of the fridge in his haste. His knuckles are white and he has to force himself to turn and smile. "Found it," he tries to make his voice light. With forced casualty, he walks past them to the counter for the bottle opener.

"Es una pena, él podría haber resultado genial." They continued, or more accurately, tried to continue.

Buck spun on them in an instant. "I know it's not my place to say anything to you, but the two of you are cruel and I genuinely don't know how you come from such a kind and supportive family." The women stood there stunned. "What goes on between me and Eddie is none of your business. And Christopher is growing up to be a kind and caring person. If he turns out to be even half the man Eddie is, he'd still be three times better than you." Buck sucked in a breath and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I think it's time you leave." The voice came from behind Buck. He felt his blood run cold when he heard it. He'd know that voice anywhere.

Buck turned to see Eddie standing in the doorway, arms also crossed, expression hard. He watched his cousins walk past him, embarrassment clear in the way they couldn't meet his eyes. He watched until they made it all they way down the hall and back out to the yard.

As soon as Eddie turned back to him, Buck asked, "How much of that did you hear?"

Eddie didn't uncross his arms, expression now cautious and confused. "You know Spanish."

It wasn't a question. Buck nodded anyway. "I know I said things I probably shouldn't have, but when they started talking about Chris I- I don't even know. I just got so mad because you and him are the best people in the world and-"

"What you said is not the problem," Eddie interrupted. Fuck. He was hoping he wouldn't notice. "Why didn't you tell me?" His expression cracked into one of hurt. Buck's heart twisted. "The things I've said- oh my god, Buck, have you known the whole time?!"

A nod.

Eddie ran a hand through his hair, he looked terrified. "Was this a joke to you? See how much I'd say so you could laugh about it later?" Buck tried to intervene, but Eddie seemed to realize more. "Oh my god, I told you I love you. I told my family and- oh my god you were sitting right there!" He slapped his hands to his face. "Everything my family has said, I can't-"

Buck jumped forward, grabbing Eddie's hands in his. "No, no! It wasn't a joke to me! I'd never- I wouldn't- I could never have made this a joke."

Eddie shook his head, but didn't pull his hands away. "Then why?"

Buck ran a hand through his hair, bringing it down to rub his face before grabbing Eddie's hands again. "You have to understand, I tried to tell you. I thought you knew and then the thing you said on the couch made me realize you didn't. Then I told Maddie and she kept telling me to tell you but-" he let out a sigh. "It was just scary, okay? I didn't want to lose what we had, I didn't want to lost Christopher."

"Buck," Eddie's voice was softer. "I literally told you that I love you. How would you making a move ruin anything?"

Buck tried his best unimpressed look. "You only said those things when you thought I didn't understand. I just thought, maybe you needed time. That you'd tell me when you were ready."

"Oh my god. You're an idiot. I'm an idiot. How do we ever get anything done being so stupid?"

Buck laughed quietly. "That's not nice to say when we just had this really emotional moment."

Eddie just rolled his eyes before pulling Buck for a kiss. When he pulled back, he was grinning. "We can't tell the team about this. We'll never know peace."

Buck let his head fall on Eddie's shoulder. "I told Maddie. They definitely already know."

---------

Here are the translations in case y'all were wondering...(if they're not right, blame google, I did my best lol)

Ni siquiera ves lo que me haces, ¿verdad?- (You don't even see what you do to me, do you?)

¿Cómo estoy enamorado de un hombre tan inmaduro?- (How am I in love with such an immature man?)

Podría acostumbrarme a esta vista.- (I could get used to this sight)

Eres tan hermoso.- (You are so handsome)

-él debería poder venir, prácticamente está criando a Christopher conmigo.- (-he should be able to come, he's practically raising Christopher with me.)

No es justo. ¿Has hablado con Abuela?- (That's not fair. Have you talked to Abuela?)

Christopher ama él. Lo amo él. Él viene, lo quiero allí, y eso es todo.- (Christopher loves him. I love him. He comes, I want him there, and that's it.)

Es como él no respeta a esta familia.- (It's like he doesn't respect this family.)

¡Lo sé! ¿No entienden lo asqueroso que es ver eso?- (I know! Don't you understand how gross it is to see that?)

¡Y ahora Christopher está expuesto a eso!- (And now Christopher is exposed to it!)

No me sorprendería que juguete chico de Eddie corrompa al pobre niño.- (I wouldn't be surprised if Eddie's boy toy corrupts the poor boy.)

[rq-s]

Title: Falling Down 

Pairing: Xu Minghao / NB!Reader

Genre: Light Angst & Platonic OR Romantic

Word Count: 2.9k+

Warnings: None. However, I do interpret the timeline and meaning of his lyrics loosely. I can’t and don’t claim that it’s the “correct” way to do so; he wrote it to be ambiguous for a wide audience to enjoy. Please watch the Falling Down Making Film for clarity.

Credits: ENG Translation of Falling Down 

Summary: You and Minghao have been consistent penpals since 2004, sharing each other’s cultures, languages, passions, and lives as you both grew up. 2014 came around and letter from him only came in 4 times, and only 1 in 2015. The last this you ever heard from him read he was a bird in a cage.

Notes: Italic = letter  ... = omitted letter content 

My Masterlist

Spring 2004

“How about this one, honey?” Mom handed me a postcard from a spot on the rack that I couldn’t reach. The large font caught my attention and told me it was a landscape picture of the closest national park. Though nothing in the picture was recognizable, it reminded me of camping, which made me smile despite having never been before.

“Sure.” Was all I said, and I followed her as she pushed our full shopping cart to the register and began chatting with the cashier.

Like usual, I quickly put the postcard on the conveyor belt along with the groceries. As soon as it was empty, I went to the bagging station and put the scanned and bagged items back into the cart. Making sure to the boxes and cartons together neatly like Tetris, careful not to squish the bread.

“What a diligent little kid you have!” The cashier spoke, her voice worn with age, but with a sense of joy that reminded me of a stereotypical grandmother.

“She always says I do it wrong.” Mom joked, smirking at me. She never did let go of my “If you want it done right, do it yourself.” attitude I had even as a kid.

 Mom finished paying, and we went put into the chilly morning air of the parking lot that was made even colder by the shadow of the supermarket. I once again moved the bags from the cart to the trunk and brought the cart to the nearest drop off spot while Mom started the car.

The ride home was mostly silent, save for the sound of the road beneath the wheels and the hum of the heater.

“Thanks for letting me do the penpal thing, Mom.”

“You’re welcome, but remember the deal; you get more chores to do. You’re 7 years old now, you can handle doing the dishes by yourself, right?” The tone of her voice was completely serious, but I couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’ve been helping with the dishes for years, and I’ve learned from the best. I’ve got this!”

 When we got home, I scoured the bags for that postcard, and luckily it was only bent on one corner. I wrote down bit of info about that park - whatever Google told me, and set it aside. I grabbed the template application from my school binder and filled in the blanks. 

Hello! My name is _____________, I’m __ years old, and I am from ________! I am learning Mandarin, but I’m still a beginner. I hope to learn more about your culture and language as we exchange letters!

For now, I will tell you a bit about myself. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Along with this letter is a postcard and other information about where I am from!

I hope to hear from you soon!

Signed,

_____________

It was a pretty basic template that we had to copy from, and in retrospect, it was cringy as all heck, but it had to be formatted juuust right and follow the guidelines exactly, or the penpal program admin’s wouldn’t accept it.

From what I was told, someone from China who’d also applied and been approved would be paired with me, based on age and interests. Only this first letter was prewritten. Once we were paired up, the letters themselves and the mailing of them was up to me and my family. 

I was lucky I got a match at all, most of the kids in my class didn’t. I learned pretty quickly why: I was the only one who put “dancing” as an interest.  

Summer 2007

...

This was a frog I found at the lake! Mom got mad that I touched it, and when it jumped out of my hands and back into the water, it got mud all over us!! 

Later we had a barbecue and some other campers came buy, but their kids were teenagers and didn’t wanna play with me, so here is a picture of me pouting in the tent instead of having fun. 

...

This is the last one, when we finally got home from the long car ride. we all were sunburned really bad, but it looks like you can see freckles on my face because of it! 

Whenever either of us would go on trips, even just to the water park or to a festival, we’d take Polaroid pictures to send. Most the earlier pictures Minghao sent were of him at tournaments, then they turned into selfies from after dance practice. It wasn’t until they were in their teens that he began to take more artsy pictures, with the occasional selfie thrown in. He’d always put at least one polaroid in each envelope, and photography quickly became one of the many things he excelled at. 

Winter 2010

…

And I still can’t believe you were on TV!! Twice!!! All these letters… I can use them as blackmail someday when you’re a superstar! Muahah!!

I’m not nearly as good as you still, but Miss Lilly says my footwork has gotten a lot better! I wish you could teach me, but words don’t have the same effect as seeing it. I doubt I’d get it even if you tried to explain… and don’t even think about trying to teach me any martial arts, my brain will melt!!

…

My letters were always a bit longer than Minghao’s, and were full of run on sentences and unorganized thoughts. He was always clear and concise, yet sensitive. He always gave strong and encouraging advice on my Mandarin, but my English tips barely seemed to help him. I always cared more about getting to know him and telling my own stories than about practicing. Though, I don’t know what stories I had worth telling as a 13 year old. We contrasted each other a lot, and Mom said it made us a better fit for each other.

It wasn’t a weekly thing, but we always wrote when we could and has a steady back and forth. Sometimes the envelopes were thick, with many pages, postcards, candies, cool leaves or rocks we’d found, songs we had been listening too; things we cared about and wanted to share. But sometimes they were thin, barely a page long, with hastily written characters and a sincere apology. Both made me smile the same just the same – both showed how much he cared.

 Spring 2012

Perhaps it was because we were the same age, and despite not meeting, had spent so much time together. He somehow always understood me, and never made jokes when I was opening up about the less fun sides of life. He went at his own pace, and it took quite some time, but he eventually felt comfortable doing the same.

…

I’ve worked so hard for this, I know I’m capable, but I’m genuinely terrified. But I’m excited, too. I feel so overwhelmed and I don’t feel like I can tell anyone, they’ll worry, or they’ll tell me I shouldn’t do it.

I want to try. I want to be on that stage and in that tournament and I want to come out having earned something.

…

 Fall 2012

 Congratulations!! Now I can brag that I know THE Xu Minghao who won 8th at a WORLD DANCE COMPETITION!!!! I knew you’d do great. Yeah, you were nervous, but your hard work showed through!

As soon as I read the news online, I was so happy. Eight is a good number, right? I think It suits you. Even when you're laying down, you have infinite potential! That’s you, Xu Minghao, Number 8, my best friend.

Come to think of it, it's been about 8 years since we met, hasn’t it? it must be some sort of prophecy!!! Haha I’m kidding, but seriously… That’s more than half our lives. We’ve spent knowing each other half of the time we’ve even been on this Earth!

I’m really glad I know you, Minghao. I’d be lonely without your letters, I think. I hope I make your days brighter, like you make mine. I hope we never forget about each other.

 It was rare for me to get so sentimental, but he needed someone to be his fan, and I wanted to be the best fan of Xu Minghao I could be. Not to say I was the first, like I would joke about doing, but because he deserves it. I knew it from the way he talked about training, that he’d make himself a star someday, no matter what.

Because of this, though, it was this letter and onward that we stopped doing the copies and corrections. I noticed myself missing his teasing marks on my papers, or the cheeky smiley faces he’d draw when I did well. We stopped sending trinkets and polaroids too, so each envelope felt a lot emptier.

 Spring 2013

I’m really going to Korea now… The flight is in a few days, I’ll send you another letter from the new address as soon as I get there, so please wait for it!

…

I had bad dreams back then, about how things would be different, slower and distant. His letters were a significant part of my life, and I was afraid to lose that. Yet I was surprised he was even allowed to keep sending me letters. Retrospectively thinking though, it wasn’t like he wasn’t allowed to write to his family.

Was I like family to him back then?

 Winter 2013

I’m sorry for not writing you back sooner. The company has been really busy with Seventeen TV starting. I’ve been practicing a lot, I barely have time to eat or sleep, let alone sit down and write. There’s barely anyone around who knows Mandarin, and I’m still just learning how to make sentences in Korean, and they call me Myungho… Those who I can talk to are all boys, but they’re my friends, and possible group members, so I shouldn’t mind.

I miss your handwriting. Sometimes I reread our old letters, and notice that we’ve changed so much. But I keep every memory, did you know that?

I always feel better quickly. When I think about being on a stage, having fans singing with us and cheering for me… It makes me so happy that I cry, sometimes. But then I can’t help but think, “Will it ever be me? Or will I just dream of being there, and someone else will get the chance?”

That’s usually when I find one of your letters. The one you sent on my birthday a couple months ago, that you sprayed with that citrus scent? It’s my favorite, I relax so much when I read it. It reminds me of home, somehow.

I’ll try to write more often, I’m sure you’ve been patiently waiting. Let’s exchange pictures again, it’s been a while, right? I just really miss you.

 Was he like family to me? No… I think, back then at least, it was something special for me.

Summer 2014

Hey! I haven't heard from you since April! I miss you a lot, but I know you must be really busy. I’ve been trying to watch the previous Seventeen TV episodes when I can, the other boys seem funny and nice. I hope they all take care of you, like you say Junhui has been.

I’m always wishing you sweet dreams, I worry about how you’ve been. I wish I’d have asked for your phone number or email or something before, but now that you’re so busy and under a big company… I just hope these letters and postcards reach you well.

…

Fall 2014

…

Also, they’ve been saying I’ll qualify to be on SeventeenTV soon. The others are hoping it’s a sign that we’ll get to debut soon. You’ll watch it, right?

Things are looking bright for me and my brothers here, but I can’t help but feel full of dread. I can’t pinpoint why. Junhui said it might be stage fright, but I don’t feel afraid.

I know they all support me, and I support them, but I feel like I might disappear, and not even you would remember me. I know its not true but it’s what I’m feeling.

…

Winter 2014

I SAW YOU!! I watched it as soon as it released, I didn’t understand what most of them were saying without English subtitles, but I could understand you, and I saw you! I’m so proud of you Minghao, you’re an official member of Seventeen!! You’ve been working so hard, I’m sure you’re exhausted. Please try and take time to rest and heal before debut, all of you need it!

…

Spring 2015

May 26th 2015. That is the day I debut. I know we haven't talked much, but I hope you’ll be there in spirit. Thinking about you cheering for me makes it easier to handle. I’ll fight for you, for me, for them, and for us. I’ll try, even though things feel like they’re ending.

I’m going to be busier than before. I’m not sure about the contract, but I’ll try to still get letters out. For now, have this. Thank you for everything.

A layer of grey I can't escape Walls built of fear are colored all over with red Who will listen to the sound from the bottom of my heart at the end of the world(/day) There's no one by my side Flee Flee

The world is collapsing, shattering, breaking I can't find love at all So why why why (Where will I ) fall, where Hidden by the dark clouds, helpless and pitiful Can't feel myself, light is lost Before the end of the world(/day), (I'm) yelling, sounds of pain But there's no one by my side Flee Flee

The world is collapsing, shattering, breaking After I disappear completely, (you) won't realize I once existed Why why why (Where will I ) fall, where Falling endlessly, falling in silence What did I ever do wrong

Missing someone you’ve never met is an entirely separate kind of heartbreak. I began to doubt every single thought and feeling I had, every single word I wrote, everything began to bleed between imagination, ideal, and reality. 

The Minghao I watched on the screen wasn’t the Minghao I knew, and I started to wonder if I ever truly knew him in the first place. I felt like a fool, and even then, I continued to be foolish. I wanted to believe I knew what he meant; that I understood him, but as the years went on, I got more and more lost.

They won awards, they went on variety shows, they released albums, they went on tours. They traveled, they worked, and they grew. I needed to believe I knew him, but Minghao and The8 are not the same. And as I grew to love The8, Minghao began to fade into the back of my mind. When I watched him try to express himself beyond his stage persona, each time I saw flashes of a beautiful bird locked in a rusted cage.

I always kept the letters.

They’re my private collection of memories between he and I. They were the only way I knew it was real. I could run my fingers over his handwriting, feel how he sometimes pressed too hard and left marks in the paper. I could see how the paper and ink warped when he accidentally got tears on it. I could look at his pictures from his childhood and know what he was thinking as he took it. 

I knew him.

Summer 2020

Hey, Minghao. It’s me, do you still remember my handwriting? Maybe it’s changed... No, I know it has, because I’ve changed as a person. It feels strange, I know what you’ve been up to, but you might’ve even forgotten my name. But I feel in my heart that you havn’t. Maybe thats wishful thinking.

Anyway, I’m so proud of you Minghao. You’re a superstar, just like you dream of being back when you first started dancing. You’ve become part of a family, and have so many fans cheering for you every single day. Congratulations!!

…

5 years. Does the smell of citrus still remind you of home? Of me? Maybe it just reminds you of the hard times you had back then. But I guess you’ve been reminiscing about that a lot lately?

I watched the video as soon as it came out, and I was shaking as soon as I heard your voice. That song isn’t a special piece of yourself that you shared with me anymore, but it’s part of your story for the whole world to see, and you told it so well.

...

I miss you.

It was finally time.

It was a fairly thick envelope, inside were many postcards of where I’ve been, quickly written notes as I reacted to songs and memorable moments, and full-length letters that never got sent.

It was so surreal to sit in front on him at this panel. He looks just like he did as a kid, but more refined, stronger inside and out. His aura intimidated me like I was seeing a skyscraper touch the clouds for the first time, and yet he maintained eye contact with me like I was a dandelion about to be blown away with the breeze.

“It’s me, Minghao.” The words barely drifted from my mouth, but they struck him like lightning as realization stealing his breath away. For a moment I saw his eyes twinkle, and the corners of this lips twitch.

A member of staff took the envelop away from him; he barely was able to read the label.

My time would be up soon.

His fingers intertwined with mine and he opens my photobook to his page with his free hand, looking down for only a moment to sign it.

The next Carat was nudging my shoulder already.

“Not yet.” I whispered both to them and to him with a squeeze of his hand. He did the same, like a beat of the heart, and then released. I watched his chest rise and fall with a deep breath as he gave the next fan the same focus and care he gave me. 

I forced a smile on my face as I scooted over.

Did he truly realize it was me? Why could I feel his heart beating faster from the tips of his fingers? Did he want to contact me all this time, or had he chosen to stop and was scared to tell me? Did he miss me too?  

My smile was only fake for a moment, though.

I was meeting his second family for the first time, after all, I needed to make a good impression. After years of keeping up with the group, it should have been easier to feel comfortable, and to be happy like the others.

Yet my hands continued to shake, their faces blurred and the sounds around me went quiet. My senses went in and out of focus like waves reaching and leaving the shore.

The warmth and the texture of his hand stained mine, and as i stared down at it after going back to my seat in the crowd, it felt alien. His hands are same hands that have been writing my name on every envelope for so many years...

I felt like I was falling.