#racism accusations by just making everyone white. like that's just so strange

[livvyofthelake]

pan (2015) was a very brave movie i think. they once upon a timeified peter pan characters years after once upon a time did it themselves and then they also did it worse. and then also for some fucking reason it takes place during world war 2 despite the original story of peter pan being written and set in the early edwardian era? and then also joe wright directed it. and amanda seyfried is here for ten seconds doing a british accent. and also their once upon a timeified version of peter is sooooo gideon coded. like this is unreal actually. did once upon a time rip off a movie that ripped off them? that's hysterical. i've decided to add that into my belief system <3

[mamimiou]

hi this is re: roier but too long for a reply !

ive been out of qsmp for awhile and don't pay attention anymore but i wanna just like . place this quietly into the conversation lmfao... when i was watching and seeing things fans posted, i noticed roier is routinely feminized (a combo of misogyny/homophobia + racism) he's placed as "the woman" in the spiderbit relationship constantly in fan art etc. roier as a person irl isn't particularly feminine, but bc he's expressive and openly queer and not white, he's placed as Less Than and under more scrutiny constantly . there's a lot of complex things happening but the usamerican portion of the qsmp world does a lot of heavy lifting in misconstruing roier's character (too flirty, bad parent, too cruel, too harsh, slutty, the wife, whatever else he's gotten that i haven't seen) . so. if he's the woman of the relationship, and Women Belong To Their Husbands, well. they couldn't possibly see roier with anyone else, and it's his fault if others make advances. it's very strange to witness

I feel like I have just received a new point of view right now, and it has blown my mind away to the point where I need this plastered over Twitter (which won’t happen since it is HELL out there).

I have never thought of it this way because I never saw him like that but you are so right now that I put more thought into it ;-;. They really do see him as the woman of the relationship, and I’m pretty sure that it’s something subconscious for all of them (but not all).

Thank you so much for this, really. To me, this makes the most sense for this possessive behavior. Idk if you have read the comments in my last post but someone tweeted out this when talking about why they can’t see roier with someone else “SAME HERE but I have a theory! You know how you ship the character you relate to with the caracter you're attracted to? We probably relate to Cellbit so we ship him with everyone we like, and we're jealous of "our" partner being with others.... just a theory!” And to me that was already something, but this, this is something that I can totally see behind the reason for it all.

The amount of times that I had to read people blaming him for people flirting with him, just even receiving compliments really, but had to witness those same people laugh and make jokes about slime ACTIVELY going after cellbit, is insane.

I totally agree with you btw. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. As someone who watches him constantly I can agree with you, his character is actively feminine. It just stinks having your favorite character being seen like this, it makes me so upset sometimes I just want him to be FREE lol. I don’t think that people stop drawing him in this small, feminine way, until like purgatory maybe? Because well, he’s a strong character.

Everyone knows how flirty he is, but it was expected to go away as soon as he got married. And he never means harm :/ it’s just the way he is. It is very strange to watch people get possessive over him, and I feel like this will ultimately lead to the ship ending. Heartbreaking. If people actually knew his character, they’d know he hates betrayal so it makes no sense for them to get tilted over ships.

Sometimes you just want to have honest conversations about the characters, and Twitter isn’t the place because then they accuse you of hating the CCs which isn’t the case ☹️.

But wow, this explanation could actually be the reason behind it. Thank you for this, it like opened my third eye or something. I need this plastered on a build board for all to see.

[tarotofbadkitties]

Whenever I decide to watch or read something, I always make a point of completely avoiding looking it up on social media first.There’s a variety of reasons, but the main reason is to avoid spoilers. That also has the side effect of me finding out how both the fandom and the general public feel about a thing AFTER consuming it, rather than having it in my head while I’m reading or watching.

The most recent thing I checked out is the Scholomance trilogy by Naomi Novik. I read through the trilogy, thoroughly enjoyed it, and then got curious what folks had to say about it...and found pretty intense accusations of racism. I thought that was kind of strange, because nothing jumped out at me, but I’ve read and watched a lot of problematic stuff and didn’t notice so I decided to check out the claims. A couple of them I was like yeah, that was some problematic wording, okay, makes sense I missed this other thing because I don’t know enough about the culture in question to be offended by this, alright...then we hit the one about El’s race. I saw a bunch of people say that because El (biracial half Indian half Welsh protagonist) lacks connection to the Indian side of her family, and thus lacks obvious Indian cultural markers, she “might as well be white.”

That’s a WILD claim, in my opinion, and I’m surprised it flies with people. The notion that white is the default, and if a character is going to be non-white there needs to be a “reason” is intensely racist. It’s also untrue in this specific case that there is nothing significant in El’s characterization or in the plot connected to her race. But even if it was true, and it didn’t come up in the plot at all, why should she be white? Nobody ever asks why a particular character is white, or suggests if a white character isn’t interested in stereotypically white things that they should be another race. There are plenty of non-white people who assimilate into the white-majority cultures they live in, anyway. But El doesn’t even really fall in that category.

El’s mother makes sure that she speaks her father’s native language, and it pays off for her in the narrative with the first person to trade with her and later, her first friend being Aadyah, a character who is Indian. Language is a huge part of the world-building and narrative, with characters having a tendency to form bonds and clique up based on what languages they speak. It tracks that they would do this, given the school’s tendency to give you spells in any language you have any knowledge of, deciding that qualifies well enough as a language you speak. I would avoid spending too much time with people that speak a language I wasn’t prepared to learn in that situation, as gaining a passing familiarity is enough to run the risk of suddenly having all of your coursework in that language.

It’s also a huge plot point that speaking less-commonly used languages gives you access to less-commonly used spells, and that’s a HUGE deal. Marathi, her father’s language, is related to Sanskrit, and the most important spell in the entire series is a spell written in Sanskrit. It’s a thing with languages that it’s easier to learn another language if you’re already familiar with a similar one. She would not have been given that book at all if she didn’t already have a passing familiarity with Sanskrit based on her fluency in a similar language leading her to be willing to try to take it on.

Besides the language aspect, it’s also mentioned as part of El feeling alienated, that she grew up surrounded by people that didn’t look like her, and it’s pretty significant that people not know who her mother is. People would likely guess who she is if she looked more like her mother. But...even if there was nothing plot-relevant about her father’s culture, and she wasn’t interested in it as a character, it would still be fine for her to not be white just because everyone in a narrative doesn’t have to be white. Non-white people don’t need a narrative justification for existing in fiction. It’s not “checking a box” for non-white people who are assimilated into white cultures to be allowed to exist in fiction the same way they exist in incredible numbers in reality.

[discipleofkleio]

Thoughts on the new Netflix series "The Watcher"

Spoilers below cut as I've finished the series already and I rant about my opinions/frustrations. It takes about 7 hours to finish so do that first before reading if you're at all curious.

Why don't people talk to each other? Seriously, if the family had actually talked to each other about suspicious shit and whatnot it would've been easier for them to all be on the same page.

Getting letters about your house that mention various years and living next door to historical society members seems like a good opportunity to go to them and ask 'hey do you have any history on the house'

also city archives would likely have old blueprints that could've been referenced, as well as birth/marriage/death certificates, that almost anyone can access with certain levels of permission (i.e. being the current owner of the house, don't know enough about genealogy to know what you need there) so...

Even if it's legal in NJ, I very much dislike a particular plot point regarding the 16 year old daughter and a 19 year old getting together and everyone making it out to be like the parents are crazy for being against it (additionally her making a tiktok accusing her parents of racism just because she knew it would get them in trouble and she wanted revenge for being grounded for having a sexting relationship with a 19 year old at 16? surely even the most upset 16 year old would realize in this modern day that that could absolutely ruin the family forever and not do it? Also the fact they made her the active one in the relationship and the 19 year old just went with it was kind of gross because yes it's only 3 years but he owns the company that was setting up security at their house - that's how they met)

The show kind of felt like it was written by and for certain levels of society and their fears - mentions of police being defunded, that's why your case is slowed down; kids using tiktok to accuse parents of racism for trying to just be parents; multiple conversations where women secretly try to convince a wife to divorce her husband for no reason other than she can and should be independent? It all came to feel like very "upper class white middle-aged man in stagnant career" driven anxiety in terms of various drama points.

It's not a bad show, just annoying to me in many places, especially with how the main characters refuse to actually talk to anyone around them or even attempt to get to know anything about the neighborhood they moved into when so much of the sleuthing that they could have done could have been done for free down at the local library or by just even attempting to calm down for five minutes to ask neighbors if they know anything without immediately accusing them. Seriously, jumping right from "we received a strange letter" to "every single one of our neighbors is a suspect and we can't trust or talk to any of them" without any down time seems like it's just to draw the drama out.

There needs to be another season where they unmask whatever conspiracy is going on completely because if they don't it's very frustrating. I suppose that might be the point what with the PI being like "unsolved cases nag at you forever" and they want to be memorable but if that's the case I wouldn't recommend it to anyone because it's not a satisfying narrative in a thriller story to have no solid conclusion.

[theflashjaygarrick]

‘Despite parts of it ageing bad (the use of slurs was to demonstrate the damage of racism, but I feel uncomfortable having slurs uncensored in a comic book written by white authors) it is a surprisingly progressive take on addiction for a mainstream 70s DC comic.’

This is an extract from your post about Roy and Jason’s views on drugs. I’m curious as to why having slurs uncensored in a comic written by white authors is interpreted as problematic? Not just in old media but in general, I’m curious as to why white author’s can’t represent instances of racism in a realistic fashion just because of their race. If i’m white and want to write about a black character dealing with racism by showing instances of it, am i not allowed because i myself am not black? This view on the matter is very foreign to me, and I ask to get clarifications.

I personally am of the belief that it doesn’t matter what race, gender, culture a writer is from because as long as the message of the media they are creating isn’t racist then it should not matter. (In the sense that if there are scenes of racism in a comic it doesn’t matter what race the author is but if in the comic the racism is condemned or made out to be a positive/acceptable behaviour)

This is not a dig or an accusation of any sort and I apologise if it came off as that, I genuinely am just looking for clarification on this matter to broaden my own view of the matter and better formulate a personal opinion on it. Thanks for your time!

So firstly I am white passing so I am not the best person to be making judgements about this. Also I think it's very much personal and that everyone will have different perspectives on this which also will vary depending specific context it is used.

I don't think it's necessarily bad in every single context, although caution should always be used and personally at least I would avoid it if not a member of the affected group. And I do want to say that this comic is 100% well intentioned in terms of condemning racism, which is better than some other comics. That being said I just don't know if it was necessary to make the point it was trying to make. There are innumerable ways racism can be shown or the impact of prejudice can be expressed without resorting to the use of slurs. This is particularly notable because the characters who say it (referring to their own experiences of being called them) are just there to make a point about racism and one of them dies. Then his funeral is used as a setting so the white superheroes can deal with their own emotional issues and grow as people. For these reasons it made me uncomfortable to me as a reader, although might not be true for everyone. Also the 'ageing bad' thing is kind of an encapsulation of a whole lot of things in the issue and run. I highlighted that specific example because I wanted to flag the usage of slurs in case someone who would get triggered by it decides to read the issue in full. I haven't seen them mentioned anyone else and I don't want anyone to be caught off guard by their inclusion.

Also honestly it's just a bit jarring to see slurs in a medium like DC comics where their stuff outside of black label and vertigo usually censors anything that could be considered a curse word. And these books were published in a stricter time with when the 1971 comics code was in effect, heavily regulating everything to the point they forbid non-negative portrayals of divorce and (non-Dracula) vampires. With all these restrictions it feels strange to find offensive slurs uncensored in the text, and it says a lot about American culture at the time and what was considered crossing a line.

This is a bit of a ramble so I hope this makes sense.

[dynamicduoofstackie]

Trying to make it racist to ship to stucky so that sambucky will become more popular isn’t going to work. People connect with characters and ships through fanfiction and art not through other fans moralizing them. In fact that can have the exact opposite effect. There are a lot of people shipping sambucky. Focus on spreading fanfiction and art about them and watch more people fall for the pairing. Both ships make sense in canon so let people who ship stucky ship them. There is room for both.

I never said if you ship Stucky you are racist. Or if you shipped anything but SamBucky you are racist. I don't expect everyone to love an appreciate Sam Wilson like I do. People like what they like and I am not going to force them to like my ship because then they won't have the same appreciation. So you need to climb off your soap box and chill.

I swear, ya'll act like Marvel Cinematic Universe diversity was A1. It was not in the beginning. Ya'll remember the first Avengers movie, back when the only diversity was the cg green guy and a white woman? Even Avengers 2 was the same cast of white heroes. Lol, it took me until Infinity Wars to realize that every major white hero happened to have a token black sidekick/friend. Like Tony had Rhodey, who was in Avengers but didn't contribute to the final boss battle. Like Steve who had Sam, who does think for himself, but was there to help him hide, find Bucky, and didn't even get let in on Steve's man to live most his life with Peggy. Or like Thor who I learned Heimdall of all people was his best friend, but paid him no never mind while he was out having fun with his white friends.

In Doctor Strange they gave the role of the Ancient One who was supposed to be played by an Asian, to a white woman, which basically white-washed the role and cause an uproar in the Asian community. You had Simu Liu defending his solo Asian movie Shang-Chi and the Ten Rings to the Disney CEO who called his movie an 'interesting experiment'. Let's not forget the fans being all pissy about having Netflix's Luke Cage and Black Panther featuring a predominately black cast when there was tons of predominately white marvel/mcu tv/movies before and after that.

I mean the fact the fact that Joe Kirby and Stan Lee created the first black superhero that didn't have 'Black' in front of their name, with Sam Wilson, should be applauded. But too blatantly ignore that there is still racism in MCU movies, TV shows and in the Fandom itself is dumb. Marvel has gotten. A lot better at diversifying and they are more than likely going to get better with time. Especially if they diversify their directors, producers, and writers.

If you love stucky. Ship your ship. I honestly don't care. As long as you respect my ship. I will respect yours. My original post was asking why people didn't recognize sambucky more because of how beneficial their relationship was and how Steve x Peggy is now canon. If you check my comments section, many have also pointed to race. So I am not the only one.

Too make a long story short, I'm not just throwing race cards down just because. Marvel's MCU took a while before they diversified and gave solo hero movies to not just minorities but women. I'm not accusing anyone who doesn't ship my ship as being racist or hating on sam wilson. But I have noticed how people tend to use sam wilson as a fill in for Steve rogers when their ship tanks in fanfics. Or use him as a prop in fanfics to antagonize Bucky or being the token black friend whose only job it is to help his white friends find love or work through mental issues. He is not a love guru, bully or free therapist. Sam Wilson deserves love too.

Ship want you want, but put some respect on Sam Wilson's name. Don't shut up and dribble me Anonymous. Ya'll keep coming to my blog, like I ain't state my personal love for all things Stackie and SamBucky and showed my willingness to fight for my ship. If you don't like what I'm shipping then get the fuck off my blog.

[aleatoryalarmalligator]

I’m copy pasting this somewhat from a letter I wrote to my friend earlier this evening. It is pretty concise as to what is happening with my mother thus far.

The last few days have been very worrying. My mother’s condition with covid got worse. She’s nauseated and deliriously ill and struggling to breath. She was sent back to the hospital four days after they released her. They released her because the beds are filling up so fast, not because she was better.

She tried to go to four different hospitals but they had no room. Eventually she was ambulance driven to a hospital in a rural town fifty miles away. It was a nicer hospital and the staff took more care of her but her situation became even more dire. She has double pneumonia delta variant covid. Two days ago Allison and I called her and god she sounded horrid. She whimpered in agony to talk. She was horribly sorry that she didn’t get the vaccine. I looked it up online and she has a 40% survival rate. We have been devastated. The sick idea of her suffering in the hospital alone is disgusting. She’s not even sixty yet. Every breath is a struggle. At night the doctors spend several hours trying to fix her oxygen.

I’m heartbroken and sick with worry. I go between being numb and sobbing and feeling helpless. She’s suffering. I may never speak to her again. I don’t know how to contextually articulate what that means to my existence but it changes everything. Even if she gets better, I will never be the same. She was part of who I am even when we weren’t close.

Today they emergency flew her to Boise to be on a ventilator. Allison messaged me at work and I fell apart and had to leave. They’ve covered my shifts for this weekend. I sobbed outside until Allison and Eddison came and got me. Happy oblivious people in close quarters looked at me strangely from a completely different reality where covid is merely a year old concept they loosely take seriously. The only bright thing I can say is that her being on a ventilator is actually good news in her situation, not bad. I mean, it’s horrible. But the fact that they gave her one when Idaho has run out is more fortunate news. It means she’s lucky to have that.

Her breathing is stabilized. She still may die. They have a better understanding of how to treat covid than they did last year. I’m trying to stay positive. I love my mom. Hell despite everything I really like her. I just want five to ten more good years with her. I’m writing this in a semi composed way, but I’m not really composed. I’m absolutely unable to focus on much else. The world is just never going to ‘go back’.

Other hideous news is that my grandma Marie, which you may vaguely remember from my life story, and her boyfriend Foreman are both deathly ill of covid. I was very close to her in my late teens and early twenties. He’s a fanatic conspiracy theorist. He believes all the Alex Jones nonsense. They were getting sicker and sicker and when my grandma tried to get better he physically prevented her and yelled at her for trying to get medical help. Maria found out and called an ambulance anyway, which they gave her oxygen and sent her home. She was angered and resentful and when she got back Foreman took half her oxygen for himself. I have no idea how oxygen works or how they take it in, but I will accept what I’m being told.

I really don’t like him and he’s very cult like. He’s someone who is harmless in certain contexts but has the potential for doing great damage and evil mindlessly when the opportunity would arise. My grandma and foreman are now so sick that they can’t move. Their organs are shutting down. They have decided to die together. I half don’t believe this was my grandma’s true will as she was adamantly trying to seek help early on. When they sent her home she gave up. I’m sure hearing about my mother’s condition had broken her spirit also. They have defacated and have feces all over themselves coming off the bed. My sister Maria is trying to take care of them but it’s hard.

David has bronchitis. He’s going to be okay but this whole thing is horrible. He’s focusing on niche news and political topics, and i worry about how his obsession and focus is largely on moral outrage. He’s not a conservative but i see this inhinged need to be angry at ‘a side’. He hates communism and pretty much accused a political people of communism.

My grandma gave into white nationalism and science denial and racism and hate during the end of her life. It started when Obama was first running. I think it gave her something to live for and believe in. Though the potential for hatred and prejudice was in her system she gave into something and it kind of warped her into something that made me want to avoid her, even when I knew and loved her dearly deep down. She was a multitude of people in her time and she was also a very good person in many ways with a limited understanding of the world around her. She had a hard battle to find independence. She’s a victim of what happens when children don’t get hugs.

Old age and loneliness made her open to Fox News and worse. Overtime it made her resent and hate an imaginary enemy every day. Anger and fear that she never coped with distorted her ability to be open. I’m sorry it’s ending this way. She deserves so much more dignity. I know a better side to her and it cuts me to think of her right now wheezing and dying in that manner. She’s very old and I was willing to accept her death. But this is a whole other level of disturbing and sad. She doesn’t deserve to die covered in feces alone. It makes me want to puke.

I’m kind of mad at Maria and her kids because they brought covid to the house and to my grandma. It was to ask for food and gas money. They knew they had covid and didn’t say anything. Now Maria is remorseful and trying to take care of everyone. I’m not actually mad at her. She’s got to be suffering horribly. This is one of the ugliest times in my entire life.

There is nothing anyone can say. I’m disgusted at politicians who politicized this and made people afraid to get vaccinated. They have blood on their hands and they don’t care as they misguide their voter base into death. Even conservatives in other countries aren’t creating myths about covid to create rifts between parties. My mother is a sweet person. She isn’t really good with critical thinking and wasn’t able to access the truth with logic. She’s gullible and childlike. She was fooled. Which was that she was high risk and needed to get vaccinated.

Anyway, there isn’t much else to say. I hope you are staying safe wherever you are. Hold your loved ones close and don’t forget to appreciate the time we have with those people.

[serialreblogger]

Empty Masks

The Phantom of the Opera and Social Dynamics of Exclusivity

(or: an essay I will never have an academic excuse to write, but shall anyway, because I watched The Phantom of the Opera tonight and i need to get this out of my system)

I can’t express just how desperately I want to be the Phantom. The strange, half-human ghost hidden under a mask, with a billowing cape and an opera house to hide his secrets, snow-covered stone gargoyles hiding him from the streets when he ascends to the roof and sings to the cold, bright stars. His would-be bride, the ethereal maiden entranced and led down into those secret places, where dark spires arc overhead and dark water flows away beneath the prow of the boat the Phantom, her would-be lover, steers.

But therein lies the problem: we are not meant to wish we were the Phantom.

The Phantom is meant to be a stranger. He is, after all, inhuman. It’s in his names: angel, demon, monster, ghost. He is not a man. He is more, and less. He is altogether other, and while we may sympathize, we are never meant to see ourselves in him.

And yet.

Because the thing about alterity is that there are far, far more of us than there are “meant” to be, the ones who see ourselves not in the heroes but in the villains of such tales. We, the queer viewers, the POC, disabled and disfigured and neurodivergent watchers and everyone else that lives on the margins of polite society—we do not see ourselves in the heroes. We are not only invisible in the ranks of the righteous: far, far too often, we are (implicitly or overtly) represented as the villains, the monsters, precisely because of who we are. Of what we are.

And that’s why the Shape of Water hit so hard for so many people, and why we’re seeing so many reimaginings of Lovecraftian horrors as something sympathetic, something good. Because so many of us have only ever seen ourselves in the monsters. We aren’t the people fleeing in fear and being reassured by the death of the creature; we are the creatures, watching our counterparts die again and again, in a thousand different ways, with a thousand different justifications. We are the monsters, cast out for things we can’t control.

But, of course, that is unjust. Even the heroes could see that. There must be something else, some justification, a reason we deserve to be slain. And so every dragon-slayer tells tales of the stolen princess. Every story with a monster makes sure to establish that the monster is dangerous and evil, ruined inside and out.

The Phantom is a murderer, and so he deserves to be unmasked. We are meant to understand that the two are inextricable: the face the mask hides is the murder the man commits. Even as Christine sings that it is “no longer” his face she is repulsed by, but his “soul, in which the true distortion lies,” we know that the accusation of “murderer” is always preceded by, caused by, the more heinous accusation: “monster.”

The Phantom’s wickedness is an excuse. His murderous inclinations, his possessiveness, the “evil” characteristics that are narratively traced back to his childhood and the way he was treated—they are used to justify the way he is robbed of his mask before a crowd, the way he’s ripped away from his longtime home in the secret twists and hideaways of the opera house.

I had a visceral reaction to that scene, where Christine unmasks him. It hit too close to home. To have something that was kept so carefully hidden, something that, if revealed, could be so catastrophically dangerous—to have that be revealed, against your will—and by someone so intimately close to you? Someone you trusted, body and soul?

It felt like watching someone getting outed.

And, in a way, it was. The Phantom’s face was revealed, and it was as relevant as gender or orientation to his evil acts, and yet all the narrative repercussions still tied it inexorably, inextricably, into his villainy.

“Keep your hand at the level of your eyes,” Madame Giri says, and it is because his weapon of choice was a noose; it is because his face is a curse to behold. The Phantom’s violence is caused by his face. The Phantom is evil because of his face. The Phantom is a monster because he is evil—because of his face.

And that’s the rub of the Gothic genre, of horror that makes ordinary people monsters (of societies that ostracize its members for being “monstrous”): there is no place for the people that don’t belong.

The Phantom escaped his original prison (a captivity which has its own signifiers of racism and dehumanization—making very human monsters out of another oppressed people, this time the Romani—but that’s a whole essay of its own) and donned a mask, because his face made him a monster. He put on a mask of his own accord, perhaps, but he also didn’t have a choice. He couldn’t look in the mirror without it, not after everything he’d been told. He knew what made him a monster. He couldn’t change his face, so he tried to hide it. He was made to wear a mask.

It was not enough. There does not exist a mask behind which we will not long to look.

“Masquerade” is a masterful scene that shows the different layers of social exclusivity. There is the ballroom full of upper-class mask-wearers. Everyone there is unrecognizable, hiding behind their costumes. It is perfectly choreographed. It is perfectly gilded. It is entirely, divinely, grotesquely perfect. It is false.

A few floors lower, the servants and lower-class players have their own party, carousing and laughing with unbrushed hair and wide grins. They wear no masks, and feast on sour beer and stale pastries. They wear no masks because they can’t afford them. They are not permitted to be seen, but nor are they permitted to hide behind the masks of the rich. They make do. They celebrate together, because none of them have any masks, and that makes them friends, at least for the evening. They are forbidden from having masks, and so—if they stay in their proper place—they need none.

The Phantom has not removed his mask in years.

Even then, it is not enough. The room of the rich falls deathly silent as he appears in their midst. He cannot blend in among them. He cannot dance. He has not the patience, anymore, to try. He wears his mask, and at least they cannot see his face beneath it.

They fear him, not because he’s a monster, but because he is a mask. They want to know what’s behind it. They want there to be nothing at all behind it. The Phantom is a mask, and the person behind it is a blemish. They put up with him when he is invisible except for a shadow, a flash of white plaster and black cloak in the night. They can pretend there is not a person behind the mask. It’s a ghost. They want it to be a ghost.

It isn’t a ghost.

And when the mask is ripped from his face, when the person behind it is revealed to be human, even then perhaps they could go on; but he isn’t the right kind of human. He’s physically disfigured. He isn’t human at all. He’s a monster.

They hunt him like one.

There is no room in their world for a person that looks wrong, even one that hides behind a mask.

There is no room in their world for monsters.

(The monsters listen, and hold our masks a little tighter.)

[ayeshintheclouds]

I don’t really have a platform or any sort of public voice, I know. But there’s something that I want to talk about anyways because it’s really important to me and if even one person understands it or even sees it and keeps it at the back of their mind, it would make a difference in my opinion.

I want to talk about one of my best friends’ dads, Dr Hasan Gokal. You may have seen him all over the news, labeled “thief” by our lovely sensationalist media. I was really hesitant if I want to include him being my friend’s dad because I know it adds an element of bias to my argument. But I think it adds another perspective, another angle that the media can’t cover- I’m far enough that I have no obligation or pressure to go out of my way to support his cause. I’m close enough that I truly do see his side of it- the whole story unfold from before it ever hit the media: the struggle, the confusion, the misunderstanding and the pain that family is going through. My point is- I wouldn’t be writing this unless I truly believed him to be innocent.

Dr Hasan Gokal is accused of stealing vaccines. But he didn’t. Not really. He used up the remaining doses that were about to expire because he was ordered from higher ups to simply ‘find arms’ and use them all up because there was a shortage and we couldn’t afford to waste any. He filed all the appropriate paperwork, he asked permission from the highest higher-up available at the time. The word stealing implies the worst image: someone breaking in and stashing them in their bag and running. Which I know, is a technicality and it might technically be ‘stealing’ legally- but the way the media took that phrase and ran with it is extremely harmful to someone’s career. It is slander and deceitful, fueled by the media’s obsession with sensationalizing and demonizing people of color, especially Muslims. Especially someone who did something heroic and brave where he absolutely didn’t have to.

Dr Gokal was looking at the bigger picture, what truly mattered at that time, which was saving as many lives as possible as fast as possible. Each of those vials in his hands could have been someone’s life. Every arm out there was another person who could have caused another chain of infection. How could he bear to toss them in the trash? And I know- I know very well that protocol is important. The government, the healthcare system, they claim to take care of the bigger picture, “just do what we tell you, don’t think too much, too hard”

And I also know if everyone applied their own morals and ethics and ignored the system in place, there would be chaos. But in healthcare, you have to admit that there is a clear, clear grey area for unexpected situations such as these. These are unprecedented times, times with barely any frame of reference to look back on. All the protocol, all the rules, seem hastily made and vague and self contradicting. There’s orders from superiors to “find arms, waste nothing” And there’s orders from superiors saying to waste nine out of ten vaccines. Which are you supposed to follow? Dr Gokal was in an extremely grey area, and he made the best judgement call he possibly could have, given his time limit and his situation. He literally called and reported it to his superiors and filed all the necessary paperwork the next day. A ‘thief’ or anyone who believed what they did was wrong would not have done that.

Legality should not determine morality- wildly inhumane things were once determined legal by our country such as literal slavery.

This is not to say abandon all sense of propriety and do what your heart says- but I think Dr Gokal did an excellent job of balancing legality and morality. He did what he believed was right despite it being unconventional AND he followed all protocol- asking permission first as well as filing it in immediately after.

Admittedly, it may have been not the smartest thing to remove the vaccines from the site and administer them at people’s houses. Even so, it’s something that could have been cleared up with a fine or strict warnings. A court case and firing is very extreme for someone who was only going above and beyond to only do what the government and the hospitals were encouraging in the first place, to not waste.

Some aspect of racism definitely applies here, especially with the comment about “too many Indian names” brought up in court. The only reason he vaccinated many people from his cultural community was simply because they were the first ones he could reach. He called as many people as possible, his only goal was to just find arms. This would not have been brought up at all if the doctor were white and he vaccinated his friends Debby and Charles and Linda and Bob. No one would’ve raised an eyebrow and said “wow an awful lot of white people you vaccinated there.”

Well obviously? Maybe he was white and he knew many white people or lived in a white area? The sad truth is, that if it were a white man, he would be celebrated as a hero, not a criminal.

The racist comments I’ve seen are literally insane. I’ve seen people say Dr Gokal must be mailing vaccines to middle eastern terrorists- Please what?? I believe all logic goes out the window when some Americans see someone a few shades darker than themselves.

The biggest argument I’ve seen by far is- it’s not fair. But. How? These vaccines were being trashed. Wasted. They were not going to someone who could’ve deserved them more. They were being crushed when they were most needed, most precious. And most importantly- every person who got that vaccine was one hundred percent eligible. As in, if Dr Gokal hadn’t given his friends and family the about-to-be-trashed vaccines, they’d be in line within that next week anyways, consuming another entire set of vials. He could’ve gotten his people fresh new ones, but he didn’t because he felt it would be a waste of resources when there was already such short supply. This man prioritized you all’s health over his own family and community’s. He gave his people, his ‘inDiaN nAmEs’ the almost expired ones so there would be enough for the rest of the city. For all of you.

For every person he vaccinated that night, there opened up an empty spot in line the next day. A spot for your grandmother maybe, for your sick child maybe.

Someone could be alive today from his actions.

Dr Gokal helped conserve vaccines and he’s being labeled a thief. This is how our country rewards heroes. This is what our healthcare system prioritizes- petty legal formalities above human life. In a time when people are dying left and right, this is what they chose to focus their attention on. Hunting down a man who went above and beyond with zero regard for himself or his own gain and blasting him on social media and news as a criminal.

I’ve seen what it’s been doing to their family. They are so so tired of the stress, of the pressure. They don’t deserve this.

He is not a vaccine stealer. He is not some strange man from another country. He is American, just like all of you out there. He texts his daughter to please study and he plays hide-and-seek with Mikey the cat and he fixes our bikes when they break. He did the right thing and our blasted system is making him pay for it because we are so caught up in the details we hardly know right from wrong anymore. We are willing to let people die- as long as all the precious paperwork is filed, as long as our maze of systems remain perfectly in place.

Justice for Dr Hasan Gokal because he did what no one else could- care for his people. And maybe if our country cared half as much as he did, billions of people wouldn’t be dead today.

Please please sign this to help his cause

https://www.change.org/p/harris-county-district-attorney-kim-ogg-the-prosecution-of-dr-gokal-is-unjust-and-da-kim-ogg-should-stop-his-prosecution?utm_content=cl_sharecopy_27323511_en-US%3A4&recruiter=826836508&recruited_by_id=6d273550-c08c-11e7-8bf0-510c1cf8213e&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink&utm_campaign=psf_combo_share_initial

For the full story of what actually happened that night in detail:

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/02/10/us/houston-doctor-fired-covid-vaccine.html

Thank you for reading it means a lot🤍

[thekatebridgerton]

Followers I apologize in advance I'm only going to contaminate your feed with drama once with these today.

And To the anon who wrote all these 5 asks! 5!! with the intention of seriously annoying me on a Sunday morning. If you're multiple people I suggest you date each other

1) of course I'm a hypocrite anon, I never said I wasn't. You think normal people don't need a healthy dose of hypocrisy to deal with people like you? Everyone I know is a bit of a hypocrite. From my mother to my hairdresser. Hypocrisy is the kind of survival skill you develop when you want to get a job in a competitive industry or be invited to people's birthday parties. I'm not even going to ask in which area you think I'm a hypocrite in, because I'm self aware enough to know it's a trait all humans have but pretend not to

2) yes Rege Jean Page fans are allowed to do whatever they want as long as they afford me the same privilege. Who am I to policy the media they consume? They're obviously never come into my blog to curse at me and for a moment. That makes them better than you

3) first of all Hi Brazil, you guys are awesome, I want to learn Portuguese just to speak with you all better, this anon didn't mean to name your country in such a disgusting manner. We're technically neighbors, so when you see a Caribbean islander or a Venezuelan be sure to give my people a wave. Second of all Anon, I've said it before, there is such a thing as barking up the wrong tree, because I've never used the word 'racism' in my blog. And don't intend to. I've used the word discrimination. Which to me as a member of a multicultural household is a more accurate term. Because to me discrimination for someone's race only exists as a concept when uneducated people need an excuse to be assholes to people they want to consider inferior. They just pick race as their justification of choice. But the problem lies in them being complete and untter assholes. Not in anybody's race. You know what I answered a similar ask where someone called me a Karen last week, scroll down and you'll find it. I use more descriptive language. And about going to hell anon, I don't know why you're asking me over to your place.

4) 🤣🤣🤣 okay I admit, that was really funny 🤣🤣🤣 I haven't been called white since I was in elementary school and that was only because in my school I seemed to be the only one who's complexion was lighter than the night sky. (Long story, the early 2000's segregation in neighborhoods was a thing and my childhood was overall very strange ok). But you get points for creativity because that shot was hilarious and I'm so using it later. For the rest of your answer refer to the paragraph above.

5) I'd really like to know how someone like this explains sending this to a stranger online if they were to admit this behavior infront of a friend or a therapist ' I have very strong feelings about an actor who left a show and what his fans do and don't do, so much I send strangers hate online' Why do I have the feeling that you sent these to the wrong Tumblr. It feels like you sent it to the wrong Tumblr. Take a look around at my content anons, I've never done the things you accused me of. If I have, send me the link! I dare you.

Followers, I apologize for the attitude. But I don't make a habit of holding my opinions to myself lately. And when you wake up on a Sunday morning to 5 asks like those, it's hard to hold one's patience.

[autisticburnham]

Cardassians

Main memory of this episode: Garak gets bit

Also a Cardassian child is indoctrinated to hate Cardassians. I don't know how to feel about this, bc I think it's a clear metaphor for Native children being stripped of and raised to hate their own culture by colonizers, but I think this is one of the cases of "What if it happened the reverse way?" is offensive, bc it places colonizers (Cardassians) as the victims and also lowkey implies that this is just something that happens when raised in another society? Which A, no, and not a great message for Star Trek, and B, hating colonizers is incredibly fucking different from hating other people who just exist. Of course, this is all just based on my memory of the episode, I haven't even actually started it yet, and hopefully the actual episode has some nuance to it. Regardless, I think this is another episode that would best be analyzed by a Native person from a colonized country and not me, a random white American, so feel free to tell me if I am uneducated or approaching this the wrong way

Watermelon outfit!

Julian being sensitive to smells? Autistic!Julian rights!

The people in the background's hats made me think they had heads like hammerhead sharks for a second and I was so disappointed that they're just hats

Gay bitches

What the fuck is this man wearing?

Garak, don't touch a stranger's child without their consent and comment on how handsome the kid is

Get bit, bitch!

Do you really need to clarify "Garak, the tailor?" Everyone here knows who you're talking about, especially since you ran into ops last season excitedly telling everyone he hit on you

Love that Jadzia doesn't care about Garak being bit and just makes fun of it

Is Garak actually a bad tailor?

How did Dukat find out about this?

Also, why does he care? He hates Garak

Y'all are the ones who abandoned them, of course they're bitter

Which is another reason this doesn't work as a metaphor for residential schools, bc those kids were largely kidnapped or otherwise forced away from their families by the people teaching them to hate their families; not intentionally abandoned

"Poor Garak, an amiable man if ever there was one." Bitch??!??!?! BITCH???!?!?

Again, Garak touched a strange child without his consent. It makes perfect sense the kid bit him

Okay, badly dressed dude's accusations are cause for investigate

Listen, I get trusting Keiko, but Miles is a known space racist. Why would you place a kid you think is being abused bc of his race with a racist?

Does Garak really still need medical treatment? It's just a bite

Maybe I am wrong about what this episode is a metaphor for

Everyone being like "Julain, what the fuck are you doing talking to him?"

Nerys, however, looks delighted

It's Garak's hand, Miles, who cares if it's bitten off?

Get his ass, Keiko!

I didn't realize Bajorans prayed before meals

You could have asked the kid what he likes to eat, Keiko

It's replicated food, it's not like it has to go to waste. Just recycle it and order something different?

It's interesting that it seems to be the norm for everyone to eat the same food when it's all replicated as individual portions

Why is spanking normalized in the Federation???

Maybe it's more about internalized racism in general than specifically Natives? But again, considering he's a member of the colonizing race, it feels like a reverse racism thing. I can't begrudge Bajorans for teaching the truth about what Cardassia did to them

Julian has a surprisingly chill reaction to Garak watching him sleep

Elim Cullen

I know that the Federation isn't capitalist, but Benjamin deserves a raise for having to put up with Julian's Garak bullshit

I know all the captains get made fun of for space skyping people in their pajamas, but it's especially hilarious that Benjamin does it with his mortal enemy

Interesting that Cardassia's "renowned" filing and record keeping system is something that comes up on multiple occasions

Garak, when would you have met members of the Bajoran underground? Where exactly was Garak during the Occupation?

Of course he knows how to fix computers, Julian, he's a member of a species that apparently wants to be interstellarly known for their filing systems

Bi bitch

Garak looks so terrified of these kids

Oh, Julian being upset by parents using and neglecting their children...

Keiko, if the kid is trying to back away from an adult he's clearly scared of, maybe don't hold him in place

Sorry about your wife and thinking that you lost your kid dude, but Rugal's right that it wouldn't have happened if you weren't a colonizer

Dukat's really been planning this for 8 years?

Where's that post about Julian interrupting the dad convention?

Dukat looks like he's about to murder Julian

Julian is so pleased with himself

I don't know how to feel about Rugal going back to Cardassia

Hmm. The Garak-Dukat rivalry hits different after Andy saying they fucked

I honestly don't feel qualified to rate this episode

[esprit-de-corps-magazine]

Ain’t That A Hoot?

By Michael Nickerson

Tell me if you’ve heard this one. Eight white guys walk into a conference room. The first white guy, an admiral, turns to the other white guys and says “hey, let’s talk about diversity.” A second guy (still white) pipes up and says “what’s that?” So a third puts up his hand and says “I know! I know!” So the admiral asks the third guy to explain, and he says “it’s like assorted donuts! I like the frosted ones.” Well, says the admiral, you’re on the right track, anyone else? So a fourth pulls out a set of coloured pencils that he’s been just itching to share with his fellow white guys and says “ta-da!” The admiral, so impressed with how well everyone is catching on to this novel idea, calls for a commemorative picture of the occasion and then tells an aide to post it on Twitter.

Ok, here comes the punch line…wait for it. They actually post it on Twitter! Ba-dum-bum! Bet you didn’t see that one coming.

Funnily enough, a whole lot of people didn’t see that one coming, particularly those members of the armed forces (or Canada as a whole) who are neither male nor white. Strange but true, there are actually quite a few of them about, though not particularly well represented in the higher ranks, and as Admiral Art MacDonald’s most hilarious of Twitter pics makes clear, non-existent where it counts.

            Now to be fair to Canada’s new Chief of the Defence Staff (CDS), if he had it posted with a caption that said “what’s wrong with this picture?” it wouldn’t have been nearly so hilarious. He’d be bringing attention to a serious problem, perhaps starting a discussion about how to fix it. If he’d included an after picture with women and minorities at the table, for those who learn better with pictures than words, you’d think he was being downright proactive.

            But where would the laughs be in that, I ask? Thankfully, the CDS has quite the sense of humour. Here’s how the CDS put it: “Conversations on diversity, inclusion, and culture change are not incompatible with our thirst for operational excellence. I count on my senior leaders to champion culture change. Diversity makes us stronger, inclusion improves our institution. We are #StrongerTogether – ArtMcD.” If that doesn’t have you rolling on the floor, I don’t know what would. A comic genius that admiral is.

            Thing is, it gets better. Because as everyone knows timing is everything in comedy. If he’d pulled this joke off even ten years ago it would have fallen flat. Misogyny, sexual assault, and discrimination were hardly in the public eye. Who cared if there were barriers to women and minorities then? The whole thing would have fallen flat. White guys sitting around a table feeling privileged making decisions that impact anyone but them. Ho hum.

            The admiral’s timing was impeccable, however. Just last fall the military released its new and exciting plan to end discrimination and sexual harassment, The Path to Dignity and Respect, perhaps one of the greatest setups in comedic history. Proof positive Canada’s military is willing to play the long game for a good joke.

            During the CDS change of command ceremony last January, Admiral MacDonald publicly apologized for racism and hateful conduct in the military, stating “I apologize to you my teammates, our teammates who have experienced racism, discriminatory behaviour and/or hateful conduct. I am deeply sorry. I want you to know I will do all that I can to support you; to stop these unacceptable acts from happening; and to put into practice our guiding principle: Respect and dignity for all persons.” Now how sly was that?

            An amateur would probably have let the proverbial cat out of the bag almost immediately after taking command and posted that hilarious tweet. But our new CDS is no amateur. He waited until not only did accusations and investigations concerning sexual misconduct of his predecessor came to light (he had to know, right?) but almost two weeks into Black History Month to finally post the punchline and drop the mic.

            Now ain’t that just a hoot?

[fratresdei]

A Letter to My Beloved White Friends, by Karla Johnson

Karla Johnson, a member of my spiritual direction training cohort from back in the day, has graciously given us permission to share powerful, needed words from her blog this month. Find the original post in the comments, and subscribe to her blog to read more letters to come. The original text is reproduced below.

Dear White Friends:

You are lost. “Hurt, mad, insulted, grief-stricken and enraged more than I can say,” as my dear white uncle said. You don’t know what to do. You want to help—and of course you do. You’re a good person. This is my attempt at sharing guidance, from someone who holds both black and white inside of my skin.

I love you, my dear white friends. Let’s start there. You are my brothers, sisters, best friends, teachers, cousins, nieces, and nephews. You and I belong to one another. I am also an African American woman, by bloodline, culture and identity. African Americans are my brothers, sisters, best friends, teachers, cousins, nieces, and nephews. I was born with inherited racial trauma. (Inherited trauma is a thing—you can look it up). I have hordes of relatives, but only one who is a cop; a close cousin, who wears his badge with honor, excellence, and commitment. He’s also black. I pray for him often during times of (visible) racial unrest, and break into scared tears every time I pray. My heart, through an odd positioning, spans the width of our collective racial anguish.

Still, there is something deeper than any other identity I carry, with the exception of my faith. I am a mother. A black mother of two young black men whom I carried, painfully labored into birth and successfully raised through some very tough times. Any mother can understand that my children are my greatest pride and my deepest love. So please understand that racialized violence hits me different.

My dear white friends, most of you don’t know what to do. Here are some tips, from your white-skinned black sister:

I want you to imagine witnessing a terrible car accident. Then imagine walking up to one of the wrecked cars, finding someone who is still bloody and injured, and saying: “watching you go through that trauma was hard for me. Can you please give me some emotional support?” That’s what you do when you ask black people to help you deal with your angst. The phrase I’ve been using these past few days is this: “As a black woman, I’m struggling to take down my own bitter cup. Please, dear white brothers and sisters, stop trying to pass me your internal poison so that you can find relief.” If you’ve done this, you didn’t know what you didn’t know. You’re forgiven. But please stop.

If you want to understand, do some homework. That can be as easy as a google search. There are essays, blogs, books and articles galore which can help you get a better feel for what’s happening.

If you have black friends (or friendly black acquaintances) please check in on them without agenda. If that feels strange, imagine that they lost a distant-but-important relative, because that’s what it feels like. Dear white friends, you know how to offer comfort during loss, so there’s no need to be intimidated. Just send a simple text: “Just checking in. Is there anything I can do?” or “Thinking of you. Are you okay?” Let them know that they are more than a headline to you. If you are a praying person, pray for them and let them know.

Don’t talk about the issue or the headlines unless you already have a strong friendship with that person. It is awkward and unwelcomed to bring discussions of racism to a random black person in the grocery store or some such thing. Just like you, all they want to do is pick up their eggs and get home. Part of the difficulty of being in black skin in America is constantly being recruited as teacher, sounding board and priest to white people’s racial angst. Please let black people go about their days without such recruitment.

When you interact with black people, for the love of God, stay white. Nothing is more insulting than watching a Caucasian person try to use language, inflections or gestures which are not theirs in some awkward attempt to prove—with neon signs—that they are not a racist. I know this sounds strange, but black people know you are not black. They can tell just by looking. If you don’t want to look like a racist, be yourself, no matter who you are addressing.

Embrace the fact that you are a good person on the wrong side of an ugly history. You would never pull a trigger on a black person just because they are black. But, like me, your ancestors built this system. People who look like you continue to perpetrate this horror. That doesn’t make you guilty, that makes you and I unwilling recipients of an ungodly inheritance. We can’t keep pretending that isn’t true. The good news is your heritage also gives you tons of power to affect change. Make peace with what your (and my) people have built. Then consider—-from your position of lament—affecting change, even if that change is in your own perspective and social circles.

If you experience anger against you because you’re white, learn to deal with it without lashing out or diving into shame. I’m sorry, my dear white friend, but you must let go of the idea that you can be part of the solution without having your sense of innocence disrupted or called into question. And if you don’t have any tools to absorb feeling falsely accused because of the color of your skin? That is something a person of color may be able to help you with, if you are sincere in wanting to learn and can come to the question with neither defensiveness nor agenda.

Your guilt and your shame doesn’t do the tiniest bits of good to anyone, black or white. Work through it. It’s not helping.

Be aware that you are losing something personally important to you. You hate the circumstances, but as the scales of justice try to right themselves, you are losing your sense of security and your assumed power base. That loss is real. And eventually, that loss will make you feel threatened. (Even as you remain outraged against the racism.) That doesn’t make you a monster, that makes you a person. But please don’t take those feelings to the cause, and please keep tabs on your own, understandable defensiveness.

Especially in our culture, we hate to admit our own privilege—even to ourselves. I am an embarrassed participant in this dysfunction, and have often struggled to admit (much less claim) my own privilege. Please confront the lie that you are not privileged because, like me, your privilege is enormous.

You need not feel accused nor ashamed nor “less-than” because you hold privilege. You have also struggled, endured hardships, worked hard, and suffered. You’ve known pain. Your privilege does not detract from, lessen, or mitigate that reality. You get to own your story without excuse, no matter what privileges you’ve been afforded. You need not defend anything.

As a Caucasian brother recently said to me, “white people murdering black people is not a black problem. It is a white problem.” I can add nothing to his words.

Imagine walking into a room full of black people, where you are the only one with white skin. Then imagine someone bringing up your skin color, and having the whole room swivel to stare at you, hoping for answers, jokes and/or comment. If you see one or two black people in mostly-white room, please don’t put them in that position. And if someone else does, be willing to speak up and align yourself against the awkwardness. The same goes for social media exchanges.

If you interact with a black person, don’t point out the differing skin tones. Again, they can tell you aren’t of the same race all by themselves. Treat them as a person versus a skin color. Kindness and authentic respect is what transcends differences and puts people at ease.

Don’t let the devil tell you that you have no right to be angry just because you’re white. Of course you should be angry. This is a human story, not a story contained in black skin. Your ethnic background does not cheapen your lament. Your anger is well-placed, valid and necessary.

Black people need your voice, and we need your involvement. Traumatized people do not make the best advocates. Traumatized people—no matter where the trauma comes from—are angry, shut down, and often counterproductive. As long as you leave it up to black people to speak out, you are making unreasonable demands of the group you want to help. Speak up, dear white friends. Step up and speak up. We don’t need you to share our trauma, we need you to stand against what perpetuates the pain.

You can’t crawl into a black person’s skin in order to understand what is going on. You couldn’t possibly know what it is like, and if you could for a moment, it would shut you down. I promise. You must address, understand and process this issue from your lens, your white skin, and your unique perspective.

If you want to help, aspire to becoming the white person who gives other white people a touch-point to their own racialized angst. Be a bridge which helps other white people engage without shutting down or blaming the victims.

Ask yourself what you are called to do. That will look different for everyone. Every bit counts. Just don’t disengage and leave it to the people who are being harmed.  We can all do something, as this is our nation.

If you’ve been guilty of any and/or all of the hardships I’ve mentioned, remember you didn’t know what you didn’t know. I know you didn’t mean it—that goes without saying. The only thing we can do is be truthful, be gracious, learn from our circumstances, and move forward. Like Maya Angelou said, “when you know better, you do better.”

You are a good person. Just be yourself, because sincerity goes a long way. Awkwardness and missteps can be forgiven—trust me, black people are used to it. Your genuine compassion and concern are what matter. And your sincere engagement matters even more.

Dear White Friends. I love you. You are my brothers, sisters, best friends, teachers, cousins, nieces, and nephews. You and I belong to one another. Keep being the people who may not understand, but who remain good, decent, and compassionate human beings. Embrace change, and if you want to help, start by taking hold of your own cup—it is plenty bitter enough.

And yes. If this has helped you, please pass it on, using [the link in the comments.]

Sincerely yours, Karla Johnson

[stickykeys633]

Changing thing up a bit @capricornsicle, that other post was becoming unwieldy.

You think you’re on a crusade to expose fandom racism and bias in Teen Wolf, but in doing so, because TW is such a specific beast, you make assumptions and add unnecessary hyperbole to your arguments. 

You’ve assumed and ran with the idea that I’m white (many do, which is strange since my icon is a black woman) and you’ve treated me a certain way because of it. But then in the same breath you’ll say there’s inherent bias against Scott McCall, a character that many people saw as white played by an actor who is white passing. 

There’s also this underlying statement that any majority of people see Scott as Latinx and automatically make it a negative thing which again, isn’t true, specifically not in Teen Wolf. 

I’ve found the antis like to take black racism experiences and try to fit Scott into that category, but even a small thing like colorism makes it so it’s not equitable. 

that’s a general statement about fans and critics alike holding characters of color up to a higher standard than white characters. It’s not everyone, it’s certainly not an attack on anyone, but it happens a lot, across various fandoms. White characters are much more often forgiven for the things they do than characters of color who do the same things.

This doesn’t happen with the frequency you think and in the Teen Wolf fandom when it does happen it is rarely if ever in regards to Scott. Other, more evident characters of color yes.. And the wild examples that the antis present are never equitable. Even when presented with context, they often have to padd it and stretch it to make it seem like some infraction has been done. What it does is seek to absolve Scott of ANY wrong doing, when really there is fault laid at both parties. 

I’ll provide a couple of examples in the moment, but the bottom like is that Stiles/Derek/Peter stans acknowledge their faults and many times love them because of it. On the show Scott was never given the chance to acknowledge his faults, the show refused to admit that he needed to grow and be redeemed of anything. This was a misstep because he became unpalatable, not as a perfect icon, but as someone whose actions didn’t hold relevant consequences. 

The Donovan Incident

Now, I disagree with some key points, but overall I think this is the most important part:

They fought, like teenagers do, especially teenagers who have gone through that kind of trauma, and then, in 5x13, they’re talking outside a gas station, and they talk and get over it,

If everyone could agree that this happened, this would be a much better place. But antis will not chalk up the experience for the contrived nonsense it was and become so enraged when people blame Scott that they can’t let it be and suddenly we’re all racists. 

Which, using racism as a tool to sooth butthurt is not okay and we see it time and time again. They take every seedling and think, “how can I add racism to this so I get my way?” which is pathetic, but also sullies the impact of real racism on the show. 

During this time Tracey was murdered, Mason was non-existent, they killed Noah and Lucas sent Kira to the desert and left her there. But being mad at Scott for intentionally misunderstanding Stiles is what’s racist? This is why antis and SDP Stans constantly bump heads. Everyone has been in a friend group where some new interloper comes in and riles things up. Usually trying to steal someone’s man, but you know there are certain things you do when that happens and Scott made ALL the wrong moves. He knew Stiles didn’t trust Theo and openly disliked him, it should have been an immediate red flag when Theo started in with Stiles violently killing someone in cold blood. Additionally, I would have LOVED if the show made the connection to Scott still being traumatized by Nogi, but again, the show made it seem like Scott was JUST FINE! and again, a disservice was made to his character. 

The point is that a not insignificant number of fans label Scott as a constant bad friend, as someone who’s always a bad influence on Stiles, and that’s really not the case.

People who label him as a constant bad friend use this as ONE example of it. I actually questioned their friendship after Motel California. I remember there were a couple of beats that made it clear they weren’t sandbox buddies, and probably met in the community little league (was it little league or soccer that they met Theo? I forget?). There have been several instances of them not being as close as they claimed. 

If Stiles can be forgiven for throwing lacrosse balls at Scott (which really fucking hurt, speaking from experience) and keying some random loner kids’ car to get him beat up because Lydia kissed him

Just a side note, Stiles was havign his fun, yes, but Scott was completely complicit in these scenes and knew 100% what was going on. Stiles was helping Scott by testing his tolerance and helping him control his heartbeat and yes they did it in bonehead teenage boy ways, but there was nothing malicious or racially motivated about it. Talk about holding characters to different levels. You’ve all made the white characters irredeemable supremacists when nothing in the canon alludes to this. 

a few antis forgive Stiles but condemn Scott. And that’s because of racial bias that makes those particular antis hold Scott to much higher standards than his white friends, which is a nice way of saying it’s racism.

Which again, is wrong in that you have absolutely no way of quantifying this for every viewer. There’s no such thing as special Scott centric racism. If someone is racist, they’re going to show it against anyone not white on the show, and that’s simply a) not the case and b) impossible to determine from the asks of one anon and some misinterpreted fic. 

Liking Scott isn’t pro-POC, no, but it is tied to racial issues in Hollywood, popular media, and fandom. Scott being Latinx (despite the fact it never comes up, he’s played by a Latinx actor and is undoubtedly TV’s favorite “ambiguously brown”) makes him connected to racial issues.

But it doesn’t, because Teen Wolf was specifically created as a world without color so coding Scott as race-neutral meant that audiences had the choice to view him that way and many did. I mean, look at the show, he has two white Italian actors playing his parents, his last name is McCall and his mother’s maiden name was Delgado which could mean anything. Jeff had a habit of casting white women with Latinx last names they got from a gracious step-father, it’s not a leap to say this was true of Melissa. This is why I refuse to give the show any representation points. Diversity sure, they’re there, but they’re not well represented and again, this neither starts nor ends with Scott McCall. 

Liking Scott is something that a lot of viewers of color end up doing

Again, not entirely true. Liking Boyd? Yes. Deaton, Morrell, Kira? Yes. Scott? Sure... the response to Scott from Latinx fans was varied in interesting ways. Some went up hard for him and while I don’t acknowledge the show’s version of Scott, I write him as half Mexican in every fic. There are some who, like you, were so excited to see someone like themselves and that’s beautiful and awesome. There were also some that started excited but then were like “oh, he’s playing a white boy” which people like to forget was VERY much a thing. There was no reason to think Scott was white and in fact when Jeff received the Alma award, it was for casting Posey and not necessarily having a Latinx character. In the beginning of Teen Wolf he was actually asked if Scott was white (the phrase they used was “All American” which...), And there were still others who hated Scott instantly and thought he was wack and did NOT see themselves in him.

So even within the Latinx community alone there were several opinions. Now spread that out to hundreds of thousands and then millions of viewers. So when you say “Liking Scott is something a lot of VOC end up doing” you’re creating a value based judgement on the idea of liking YOUR version of Scott McCall. 

Which isn’t fair and isn’t correct. 

YOU ended up liking Scott because YOU appreciated the interpretation. No one can take that away from you. But when you cast this net of racism, you’re gonna end up with a lot of things that don’t fit the term and a lot of people mad that they’re caught in your web of racial bias. 

if it’s the burden of POC to fight for representation tooth and nail, then that’s the fight I’ll be fighting.

Part of it is that sometimes I worry that if I don’t post about them, if I don’t post gifs of them and talk about them and make them be part of the teen wolf tag on this site, no one else is going to.

We talked about this with your first post. Generally I’m sympathetic, but I do take issue with your methods. Yes, I’ve seen those gif tax posts and I love the concept, but... tax is something you pay in the exchange for something that you want. I don’t see POC characters as tax and I get it’s just a clever way to name what you’re doing, but I think it makes it so negative when celebrating the POC characters should be an enjoyable and inclusive thing. 

If you feel alone, it’s because you haven’t reached out to anyone. I know a lot of creators who make content for characters of color, The problem is that when you accuse people of focusing on white characters in a show FULL of white characters and cover them with a blanket of systemic bias, you’re alienating a lot of people who don’t want the drama. 

Someone just released some ao3 stats of POC characters in Sterek fics verses TW fics as a whole and Kira was sadly underrepresented, showing up in just under 45% of fics. My answer to that isn’t to scream at Stereks about how racist they are against Asians. Instead, I wanna have a Kira appreciation event, but until I can, I make sure to write Kira into my fics because I love her. I repost gifsets with her in them, I comment and seek out people who create for her and support them and if you approach some creators, the’re happy to be amenable. I’ve left comments on fics asking for a certain character and sometimes they rightfully say no, but sometimes it’s not a problem and the change is awesome. 

I feel like the bulk of antis have an idea in their mind and don’t give anyone else a freaking chance. And then, when anything negative is said about Scott, they go awf like SEE!!?!> RACISM!!!!!! when it’s honestly not the case. The anon doesn’t represent even the minority of the majority of stereks. Tumblr doesn’t, ao3 doesn’t, twitter doesn’t. That’s why it’s so much less stressful to find out ways to insert diversity and representation rather than browbeating others to do it out of shame.  

There’s this perceived bias that worms it’s way in that simply doesn’t exist at the levels you think it does. Because not only are you assuming that people dislike the characters of color because of their color, but also that they harbor negative feelings.

But, as we’ve learned from K-pop fans, it seems white people are much more willing to enjoy and put out East Asian representation than representation of people darker than them

Kira was undoubtedly brought in to bring a more Asian audience, but again, racism isn’t a pick and choose kind of thing. People who hated Kira and love Scott do not see Scott as Latinx. And Kira has more posts by a small margin mostly because she was there and she had a family and large ties to the plot. Not because kids loves k-pop (which wasn’t even that big during her run). 

And THIS:

Boyd is stereotyped as the big, buff Black guy who’s aggressive and athletic (but almost never seen as the brains of the group, despite his intelligence,xxx and comes from a poor background and answers to an assertive white man without question

Boyd was specifically not stereotypes as aggressive and athletic, and in all fanfic is usually the one who reasons and is most level headed. He came from a poor background, but so did Isaac, and he questioned Derek and Scott. This is what I mean, while I agree that it’s your interpretation, you can’t say it’s a universal interpretation and then judge others because of it. 

The only time I care is when people specifically dislike Scott because of perceived affronts to Stiles and/or Derek, and I say “perceived” because I refer specifically to ones those specific anons and antis take completely out of context, blow out of proportion, or just make up.

Lol, again, your perception, because I can give you several canon based reasons to be upset with Scott, but of course you’ll find a way, no matter how tangential to twist it, because he’s your fave and canon is a mess. This is the freaking point. Let people have their stories. It’s not hurting you if you also add in yours. 

I do not believe it is possible for a 16-year-old to consent to a romantic and/or sexual relationship with a 24/25-year-old, but this post isn’t about that

Please don’t believe that you’re the first person to try this argument because you’re not and also Derek was at most 23 when Stiles was 17 (and to make it more interesting he was 19 in the original unaired pilot, but they aged him up so Kate wouldn’t be full on statutory rape, good times!)

https://stickylovessterek.tumblr.com/post/151831687742/sterek-is-not-pedophilia

Now you might not like it, and that’s totally fine and valid. But age has no basis in their relationship. I’m more interested in power dynamics, which is why I didn’t like Aria/Fitz on PLL or Marrish (which I could have been on board for, but this show is trash). 

with perhaps me as Stiles, you as Scott, and the anon playing Theo during his villain phase circa season 5, trying to turn two people against each other over a larger ethics debate

Well, no, clearly I’m the Stiles since I’m right (i kid, I kid), but honestly, you’re the one putting the anon in this. I’ve been ignoring their hyperbole and we’ve been telling the antis to pick and choose and be discerning with their posts. That has nothing to do with me. If we’re Scott and Stiles then it’s one of us talking and the other not listening and doing theings they’re own way and the fact that both of us have different ideas as to which is which is really part of the fun. 

But it’s not racism. 

[sumukhcomedy]

I’ve Talked to Black People So I’m Not Racist

I sat on the bus with my teammates as we traveled for a middle school basketball game. At one point, one of my teammates said to a group of us, “Why can’t Stevie Wonder read?” We shrugged. And he said, “Because he’s Black.” The other kids laughed. Internally, I didn’t react well but I’m sure I chuckled just to continue my acceptance and survival as the only kid who wasn’t white on this bus.

Why do I remember this moment? Why is it one of the few moments that stand out from that basketball season? It’s because racism and its power stand out to you years later. And, now, as I and hopefully many others evaluate the depths to systemic racism, it stands out as a moment of systemic racism. We were barely teenagers and yet somehow my teammate gained knowledge of this racist joke. He passed along the racist joke to us. These kinds of seemingly innocent racist moments and even my place in them to feel as if I could do nothing shows you how far systemic racism goes.

These moments have been a part of me for my entire life. This is what happens when you grow up as a person of color in a predominantly white environment. I’m back at it again as I find myself, in these times, educating white people. This is the great issue of being BIPOC in white environments: you become accepted enough to hear racism but powerless by the system to be able to correct it.

I as a Brown person and certainly Black people get used in systemic racism to comfort white people into believing that they are not racist. For so many I have been “their Brown friend” or “their Indian friend” or whatever. This has also strangely made me a conduit not just to all Indian people but all Arabs, all Asians, all Black people, all Indigenous people, and the list goes on and on. That’s been the case in so many environments including even in comedy as I have written about previously. I have no idea what white people have equated me to be to comfort themselves. It could be anything from close friendships with them to a Facebook friendship to a stranger smiling at me to seeing my comedy show. Any of these can allow white people to feel like they are not racist because they simply have interacted with me.

The fact is that I could be the same way as well. Growing up in such a system means that I am just as white and privileged if I wanted to be. I could say nothing in the current situation that we are in and I would be just fine. Systemic racism and growing up in a white environment can train you to want to support white people and even defend them somehow. It’s particularly the case for Asians, who as the “model minority” get extra bonus points from white people for their success. We are the exemplary immigrant and person of color. So, it becomes easy for some of us to reciprocate white comfort and cozy up with white supremacy because it continues to benefit us.

I can’t say why but I knew, even at a young age, that even though I was in a white environment, I was seen more as my color than I was as white. So I knew I had to better understand that experience on a deeper level. I educated myself on Black issues, Indigenous issues, South Asian issues, and race theory while in college. I interacted with a Black community that ceased to exist where I grew up. I established friendships and valued real conversations on racism inside and outside of the classroom. I’ve done the same since graduating and moving into the strange world of stand-up comedy and in the business world. This effort allowed me to learn and I’m still learning.

An example to express how easy it is to not see systemic racism and white comfort was a video that went viral of John McCain campaigning prior to the 2008 presidential election. A woman in the crowd says to McCain, “I can’t trust Obama. He’s an Arab.” McCain quickly takes the microphone after shaking his head and says, “No, ma’am. He’s a decent family man, citizen, that I happen to have disagreements with on fundamental issues and that’s what this campaign is all about.” Everyone has applauded McCain for his decency handling the situation but no one appears to ask the deeper-rooted questions. First, how did this woman get to this point that she’s thinking that way? How did she believe Obama was Arab? What does “being Arab” mean to her (clearly, terrorism, anti-Christianity and perhaps even worse). And, clearly she is not alone, as there was applause from the audience to her concerns. All white people, including McCain (stuck between a rock and a hard place as a politician having to accept these people still needed to vote for him), excused these comments. They brush her off as crazy and racist. But they never addressed why this kind of craziness and racism existed in the first place. They have never dealt with the fact that this kind of racism is a part of even them. Neither McCain nor even YouTube comments years later truly condemn such a question even existing.

53% of white women voted for Donald Trump. This is a stat that gets consistently brought up particularly by white feminists. But this stat hasn’t been dealt with at all. White women are caught in systemic racism and it’s clear, when push came to shove, they chose being white over being a woman. On a purely superficial level, they chose “grab ‘em by the pussy” over the first woman president in the country’s history. The reality is that some of these women (and white men) voted for Obama. How could they vote for Obama and then vote for Trump? It’s because, for so many, it was easy to brush off Obama’s election as the “end of racism.” But, the “end of racism” then signaled a quick move to voting for someone enacting blatant racist policies. Many people got comforted voting for Obama, so comforted that it allowed them to then vote for a man who accused him of not being born in America.

It’s not particularly fair to compare race and gender but I’m not sure how else to do it in these situations to drive home the point. As even a well-meaning man, I no longer tout myself as a feminist as I did in college. It’s a heavy, misunderstood word. But I listen to women, I support women, I speak up when I feel it’s right to do so and then I keep my mouth shut on the topic and keep learning. The same cannot be said of race in this country. So many people (men and women) are getting highly emotional and overwhelmed about it over the past few weeks, but rather than listening and learning, they keep talking. They behave in ways that only white people afforded the benefits of being at the top in systemic racism could have the opportunity to behave like. They speak with the same perspectives on race that systemic racism presented to them. And, when we do bring gender into it, we should understand how particularly difficult it is for Black women and the Black trans community within this system.

If you want to begin to reflect and address systemic racism, perhaps think about the moments in which you experienced it or took it for granted. Maybe it’s something you experienced when in school. Maybe it’s how you behaved with your “Black friend.” Maybe it’s when you watched McCain’s reaction in the video above. Maybe it’s the feeling you had when you voted for Obama. Maybe it’s the feeling you have when presented with the stats on Trump. Either way, we’ve finally reached a point of understanding where we all need to push away the thoughts that we are not racist and embrace how systemic racism has existed in our society forever, how it’s had an effect on us to make us racist, and how we change that.

If we allow ourselves to listen, reflect, and analyze before speaking up, we allow ourselves to get on the path of being antiracist as opposed to “not racist.” Otherwise, you can still applaud yourself for your one Brown friend talking to you or the two times you voted for Obama.

[vaingloriosa]

If it's not too much of a bother can I ask what s/e//lfships-in-sp/a//nish did? I remember seeing her art around when I was into DBH for a bit. (Emphasis on was)

first off, congrats on getting off that dbh juice! very proud of you for leaving that part of your life behind. love that for u!!

i’ve actually been meaning to make a post like this. in order to fully answer your question, there has to be a little bit of vulnerability on my part. it’s something that has taken me awhile to process and heal (i’ve only talked to a handful of people about this) from but i am at a point where i think i am ready to talk about it. please note that i am only answering this for y’all to know the truth; this is not me trying to stir the pot and cause any drama. if you still follow her, i am not the all-knowing moral authority to tell you to stop following her but what i will say is to hear me out and reconsider who you give your support to.

there might be some things that i am missing because i don’t like remembering any of this but i will try my best. i will not be using any names in order to protect these people’s identities, even if some of these people did hurt me. again, i am not here to callout anybody, i am not here to say “officer! this person right here!” because this is not what this is all about. i am only here to give you my experience with SSIS (her username for short). also, i do not have screenshots, i deleted the server, and there is no evidence to support me. i didn’t want to keep such baggage around and wanted to just move on...and i hope you can trust me with what i am about to say.

SSIS and i were like two peas in a pod. when we found one another in the dbh fandom, i looked up to her. i thought she was one of the greatest artists in dbh and i felt so intimated by her. soon, i think she was the one contacted me and from there, it was like an instant click. we got to talking and it felt like we were friends for a long time. slowly, in private messages, SSIS and i were often vulnerable with one another. i talked about the things i have to face as a latina woman, and she talked about her own struggles. i thought i was being open and honest with another woman of color but it wasn’t until way later that i found out that she is a white woman. that is something to keep in mind as we go further down the line.

there were some things that she said about other people that felt like she was trying to persuade me from keeping my distance from. i will not name names of these blogs but they were also fairly popular in the dbh fandom and it felt strange the way she got so angry and heated over people i called my friends. sadly, i was influenced by her comments because i started to internalize her words and became weary of these people since she said that they, too, were secretly talking about her and had their own clique. this is something that has taken a lot to unlearn because words can hold a lot of weight. this really should’ve been my first warning, a red flag, but i kept being friends with SSIS because, well, i trusted her and i considered her a good friend of mine. i wanted to defend her honor, i wanted to stick up for her as she did for me. i thought she was on my side as i was hers.

then i created a server for my mutuals and followers.

things were going great, everyone was getting along, we were all making inside jokes, and just supporting one another. slowly, there were events that started to unfold that truly revealed the true nature of who SSIS is as a person. it started out with when there started to be an inner circle within my server. it was SSIS, three other dbh content creators, and another reader of mine. now, i loved that they slowly started to become really good friends with another. however, it slowly started to feel like they were becoming like an exclusive club where SSIS became the head person of the group. i had my suspicions confirmed when i saw that they created their own personal server which, again, it’s okay to make your own server when you have your own friends. but the thing is...they felt withdrawn from the rest of the group and me. it’s like they tried to distance themselves away from me and me only. now there’s another part that i really...don’t like talking about. this part...it’s something that i never fully...grasped. whenever i think about it, it makes me sick to my stomach. the one person that was a reader of mine is a minor and these four adults friended this minor. again, as long as you are respectful with one another, it’s okay to have a friendship. however, this friendship became a bit inappropriate when they were sharing NSFW content with the minor in the server. they even encouraged such behavior from them....and i remember having a talk with my mods of the server saying how that was super fucking odd and kind of disgusting. i didn’t even wanna know what was going in in that private server. this should’ve been the second red flag, but i gave the benefit of the doubt.

however, this wasn’t the penultimate thing.

you know by now that i am a vocal person when it comes to activism. i do not shy away from hot topics because i want people to be informed and be comfortable in the uncomfortable. some of my mutuals often asked me what i meant when i said “all white people” or when i said that white people are responsible for this and that and i was okay with answering these questions because, hey, you’re not gonna learn if you don’t ask questions. at first, i was willing to teach my white friends about some of the things that contribute to the oppression of people of color and what their white privilege meant but what i should’ve learned sooner rather than later was that i can’t always assume the role of teacher. 

and there are some things that must come from a white person in order for them to recognize their privilege, realize their behavior, and come up with ways to do better, and put action towards that.

sometimes that’s better said than done. some of the white friends that i had in that server were kinda agitated by all my “accusations” of all white people but i kept reminding them that when i say that, i only mean this type or that type...but if the shoe fit? i could tell that SSIS was just not understanding any of that...but she never really said that. but here i thought she was a woman of color because she said that her specific group of spaniards faced oppression. i do want to say that it is partially my part for not putting two and two together that spaniards are europeans and are not considered people of color, no matter the region. however, the way she spoke of her struggles made me want to believe that she was. it’s a stupid reason, i will say that. even when typing this, i still can’t believe i thought she was a woman of color...and i want to try to make excuses but really, i should’ve been more informed. but the more i think about it, SSIS should’ve been the one to correct me, stop me, and tell me that she isn’t a woman of color, that she is european. you don’t lie about one’s identity like that just because you think being called a woman of color gets you some sort of clout. people think that being “hispanic” also covers spainards and i fell into that trap. SSIS shouldn’t have kept up the lie like that. that should’ve been the third red flag but i wanted to attribute that to them learning and growing.

the catalyst seemed to be when notre dame burned. an empty church building, mind you. the way that her and the rest of her group were viciously attacking my friends of the server for making jokes about it, forcing one to apologize for doing nothing wrong, and quite literally foaming at the mouth for some silly symbol of colonization by europeans...i was kind of taken aback by it. i remember being in the car with my sister and her boyfriend and reading the messages out loud and they started to laugh because c’mon! it was ridiculous that they were defending this building! this should’ve been my fourth red flag, but once again, i believe people can change.

it became quiet after that, real quiet. i know some of my mods decided to take a break from the server after such a heated argument that was initiated by SSIS. slowly but surely, the server started to pick up again and for that i was grateful that this didn’t completely severe any trust. though i did notice the absence of SSIS and her little friend group. it became more blatantly obvious that these people have separated themselves from us. the private conversation that i still held with SSIS slowed down to more sporadic messages. however, i still supported her and her art. i donated money to her, i even offered to help her buy a website for her art and merch. the support from those friends dwindled down but i continued to support their content no matter what. i wanted to let them know that even though we may have some differences, we can overcome these challenges and support one another.

gosh, sorry, i started...getting teary eyed from remembering this because it comes to show that internet friends...you don’t always truly know them.

i’m not 100% sure when this started to occur, whether it was before the big fight or afterwards but i slowly started to realize that these people were not my friends. as y’all are aware, i started to have a steady disinterest in dbh and often was vocal about that. given that, everyone is allowed to criticize media so my opinions are my own. i was trying to fight for a better community for the dbh fandom, i was trying to fight for my voice and my fellow stans of color to have their voices and stories heard. i believe that SSIS was on my side because she, too, agreed with me for wanting a better fandom where fans of color are taken seriously and are recognized. i thought she was willing to fight for me because she, too, was disappointed that nothing ever come about my rants and awareness. however, that wasn’t the same tune she and her friends were singing. when i brought up racism in fandom and transformative fanworks, i was met by such a response by one white author (who has her own story with me, but i am not sure if i should talk about but she apparently tried to get in contact with me to apologize but as of today, i still haven’t heard from her) who said that it was up to me to create the content that i want to see...and that is a very racist thing to say. the responsibility shouldn’t fall on me or on the shoulders of my fellow people of color. i could go off on a tangent but...lemme bring this back to what i wanted to say.

when that decline started to happen, i was becoming more and more aware that two people from this inner circle, SSIS and that other white author, were making vague tweets about me. they, too, also started to make vague posts about me as well. they started talking so...horribly about me and the things i felt so passionately about...that these things hurt like hell. fuck, crying again...um, i don’t remember specific wordings but i do remember that they were specifically about me...and they were posting that while i was still following them. that’s what hurt the most...because they knew i was going to read these tweets and these posts...so i talked it over with my mods, cried a bit about it, and they held my hand while i unfollowed them quietly from twitter, tumblr, and instagram. even despite it all, i was so....it was hard to unfollow them. i don’t know why...they hurt me so why did i feel like i was betraying them? i unfollowed everyone from that friend group except for the reader of mine because i gave him the benefit of the doubt, i wanted to believe that he was merely influenced by them to do things he was against, and i hoped that he, too, would recognize what they were doing was wrong. 

then it happened. all hell broke lose.

it started with the white author who posted a public message on the general server channel that i would’ve rather have had her sent that personally to me than just having this out in the open for everyone to see. since this isn’t about her, i will save my commentary and just say that it was kinda hurtful to read. 

then, i guess that white author gave the confidence of SSIS who dropped a very long and personal message on the server that was one of the most vile, vicious, and racist things i have ever read in my entire life. she began the message with “now that you unfollowed me on twitter, i can really tell you what’s on my mind” and typed up one of the most ugliest and most wicked messages...i wish i knew what it all said but i remember reading it....and crying. it broke my heart knowing that this woman, someone i considered my friend, someone i trusted, someone that i shared a lot of vulnerable shit with, someone that i thought i looked up to...someone i cared for....harbored such hatred towards me. slowly i began to see that she kept up a front with me, kept those feelings at bay, and waited until i slipped or something so that she had an excuse to air out what she thought was “dirty laundry”. to this day, it’s one of the most traumatic things that has ever happened to me.

after that happened, i deleted the server as it served as a reminder of what transpired. i apologized to everyone on my server though there wasn’t anything on my part to apologize for but i felt like i had to. all of last year was one of the most difficult years i have ever been through because it made me second guess myself, my abilities, and i became incredibly weary of white women (even more so than before). i lost any motivation to write, i lost any creative spark i had before that time, and just...completely became a shell of myself. it sounds so dramatic and silly of me...but it felt like i was in some sort of weird sad episode where i couldn’t control my impulses. i deleted a lot of my work, i deleted a lot of my content from my blog, even content i was proud of. even outside of the internet, i was...withdrawn. i tried to throw myself into working but i didn’t even have that drive to do that. i wanted to get over it so badly because i didn’t want to give up like that. i became withdrawn from others, i closed myself from speaking up about what happened because it hurt to open up a huge wound like that. plus, i couldn’t really talk about this with my family or my other friends because it’s like “hey, this one internet friend that i had turned out to be a racist snake” like it sounds wild to be upset about that. it felt silly to me because my gosh, this is the internet! nothing is real! everything is so...trivial. but what happened with SSIS last year is something that i haven’t 100% healed from but i have come a long way since april of 2019 and i am proud of myself despite how it doesn’t feel like i have healed much. also i don’t remember most of 2019 if we are being honest. however, just a few days ago i got a notification from a tweet she had tagged me in but instead of panicking, i kinda laughed? about it? rolled my eyes? that’s growth, babeyy!

if you are a follower of hers, you do what you want with this information. like i said before, i am not going to tell you what to do. you are the one to ultimately make that decision. whether you decide to send screenshots to her of this ask, whether you choose to defend her honor in my inbox, call me a liar, block her, idc but whatever you do, please don’t send her hate anons or hateful asks...i do not endorse that behavior whatsoever. thank y’all for hearing me out