#rapist piece of shit i hate you to the ends of the earth i want to fire him out of cannon into the fucking sun

[nikkiruncks]

So, I'm gonna be honest about a few things regarding TVD, because a lot of the things I've seen recently are just very confusing and weird to me. One of the main things is the amount of vitriol Caroline has been receiving as of late. It's very clear that the hatred and misogyny towards Caroline is very much rooted in sexism and misogyny. You can try to spin it and try to tell me different all you want, but I see right through the BS. 

Caroline may have had her flaws and faults, but she was nowhere near as bad and horrible and toxic as you and everyone else have made her out to be. I mean, my goodness, you make it sound like she was a terrorist or something, or like if she was just the absolute scum of the earth. So what if Caroline did have fans and defenders back in season one? That's okay and not a bad thing at all. 

I mean, it wasn't an issue for murderous vampires, abusers, and rapists to have fans and supporters defending and justifying their horrible and disgusting actions, but god forbid people could actually identity and relate to a teenage girl, who was simply flawed and confused and actually had growth and development, unlike even Elena herself. 

And comparing Caroline to female characters from different shows doesn't really make for a valid argument either. A lot of the things you say about Caroline and accuse her of being are actually all the things Elena was. Elena was by far the biggest and most self-centered, selfish bitch in the entire show. All the hate she received from fans was very well-deserved and justified, and you won't convince me otherwise, so don't even bother defending that bitch to me. 

Elena dating and sleeping with a rapist/abuser is not even remotely the same thing as Caroline sleeping with Klaus, where at least there it was consensual and Caroline did it on her own free will. And I don't even ship Klaroline, but even I can tell the difference. And if Elena had told Caroline that she needs to get over it and accept it, that would've only made Elena an even bigger cunt and piece of shit than she had already beyond proven herself to be. Disliking Caroline doesn't make what Damon did to her null and void or in any way means that she deserved it and had to get over it.

So, overall, to me, it just comes off like you're just talking out of your asses and making shit up as you go along and making stupid excuses to hate Caroline for reasons that don't exist. Which once again, is all just sexism and misogyny from your end. And you call out Caroline for slut shaming other female characters (which I will say is probably the only thing I didn't agree with and disliked about her character), but you and everyone else in the fanbase has no issue being sexist and misogynistic and slut shaming Caroline or the other girls on the show. Hypocrisy at its finest.

Oh god you Caroline stans are exhausting 😩

1. No one ever called her "toxic" or implied she’s a terrorist. Most of us just call her out on her hypocrisy and her actions. Just because she’s a fan favorite or whatever, doesn’t absolve her of criticism. Y'know the kind that you guys love to give to Elena and Bonnie, but you can’t take valid criticisms about your fave.

2. I don’t have issue with people defending Caroline in season 1. At least when her horrible behavior towards Elena and Bonnie wasn’t justified, and no one who talking about oh so mean they are for excluding her even though Caroline did it to herself by not listening and making snarky comments and in general being an insensitive asshole.

3. Funny how you bring up Elena and Damon not being free will, but also call her a "cunt". And I’ve literally said that if the roles were reversed and she told Caroline to get over her fucking her rapist and get out of her life, people would be saying that Elena should’ve died on wickery bridge. But Caroline is somehow a #girlboss when she does it. Fuck off.

And also the fact that Caroline had the choice and still chose to sleep with Klaus makes her worse than Elena. Because Elena was literally sired and had no free will when it happened. Caroline chose to fuck Klaus, and giggle and brag about it to Kat!Elena.

4. If you talk to me about Caroline’s “growth” one more time, I’ll—

5. It’s also hilarious how you talk about sexism and misogyny, yet call Elena a “bitch”. Also “whiny cry baby”?? Lmao because she cried over actual trauma, but Caroline making a big fuss over a prom dress is funny, huh?

6. As far as I know, nobody has been slut shaming Caroline. If you’re talking about me saying that almost every guy sans Jeremy and Jamie had some sort of “link” to her, is that not true? Hell, she was engaged to Alaric in the later seasons.

You clearly love Caroline and nothing wrong with that, but don’t try to force it on people who don’t kiss her ass and always justify when she did something wrong.

[navree]

“she’s just a girl” YOU MARRIED SOMEONE WHO IS LITERALLY THE SAME AGE AS HER AND YOU DID IT WHEN SHE WAS FIFTEEN AND YOU CANNOT CALL RHAENYRA A GIRL WHEN YOU WERE FUCKING SOMEONE HER AGE LAST NIGHT A METAL PIPE ISN’T ENOUGH ANYMORE I NEED FUCKING GUN

[redbelles]

@anthropologicalhands​ here you go! thanks for the ask ✨

hilariously, i p. much can’t write unless i have a title in mind? it seems to shape the story as i go, so i typically end up stealing song lyrics as soon as i have an idea, if only to put myself out of my misery. anyway! atla, twd, rdr2, ac: origins, dc, and pitch under the cut!

in our bedroom, after the war

post-series atla zutara au wherein i geek about politics and reconstruction and consequences, and also break zuko into tiny sad pieces before katara gets to smooch him. also there is a dragon.

and wept for break of day

twd au: post-coda, (loosely) inspired by the short story “bullet in the brain”; eventual bethyl

Mass hallucinations, one broadcaster said. String theory. The collective unconscious. Just a whole buncha scared fools, grasping at straws while the world reels, trying to understand something too big and too ugly to ever understand. 

She sits there in the dirt, numb and shaking, hands clenched so tight that her nails bite deep into her palms. She presses harder, carving sharp little crescents into skin that’s not nearly as callused as it should be. 

The world feels like it’s falling away beneath her, spinning out wildly, carrying her someplace foreign and strange. Her skull throbs and aches. There’s no scar on her wrist. Beneath the dirt, her nails are painted cornflower blue, bright and vivid as a summer sky. The dead don’t walk. 

But they did, didn’t they?

I lived it. I remember.

it ain’t no sin

twd au: beth wakes up during her abduction and it gives daryl time to reach the car, and then daryl and beth bang about it

She doesn’t hear the familiar twang of the bow, but when the word chokes off into a gurgle of blood and the graceless thump of a body hitting the ground, she knows.

Daryl comes sprinting out of the darkness, quiet as a hunting cat. The driver’s side door swings open, the cop’s buddy stepping out to try and salvage the situation. Daryl fires, reloads, and fires again, so fast her eyes can’t follow it. She’s so dizzy that it seems like one smooth motion. One breath, just long enough to aim, and then the arrows are gone and Beth and Daryl are alone in the night. The men are dead. 

Good, she thinks fiercely, angry and shaken and still unable to stand. Good. 

He goes straight to the bodies as she finally hauls herself onto the grass, listening as he yanks the bolts free. Three awful squelches; visceral, obscene. She gags again, and then Daryl is there, dropping to his knees beside her. 

“Y’alright?”

late for the sky

rdr2 au: arthur/sadie, set immediately after the massacre at hanging dog ranch

“You didn’t have to stay,” she calls. There’s an ache in her voice he doesn’t know how to parse. 

“Sure.” He leaves it at that, no fuss about letting Freyja rest, about needing to catch his breath, though neither would be a lie. There’s no room for chatter; the air between them is full up with grief.

“Sure?”

No meat on that bone, but he can see her chewing it over all the same, worrying at it. Sadie Adler, shaken. If he held a mirror up to her face, he’s half-afraid he’d see fire. Smoke, ash, the orange blaze of a cabin as it burns to cinders. 

The memory sends a chill skittering down his spine, a cold knife that lodges somewhere near his heart. 

He ain’t the only one held hostage by that particular cruelty. Still knee-deep in the river, Sadie shivers. The water keeps running red around her, blood flaking off her hair and skin, melting into the current, soft as snow.

this loneliness won’t last

rdr2 au: arthur/john/abigail post-game fix it fic

There was heat pouring off John. A droplet of sweat trailing down his cheek. He smelled like salt and sunbaked earth. The thought skimmed through his mind like a water on a pane of glass, crystal clear and out of reach all the same. Then John’s mouth crashed over his, and Arthur had no thought left. 

He couldn’t help himself. He bent into John like a windswept tree, looking for shelter. Looking for relief. John pulled him in, held him close, hands fisted in the worn fabric of Arthur’s shirt. Need kindled in his blood, bright and sharp and burning, and he stiffened. Pulled away. John wouldn’t have it. He pulled him back in, nipped at his mouth, trailed fire over his skin, kissed him like Arthur was his to keep.

He wanted to run and hide. He wanted to stay right where he was and live in this moment forever. But then it was over: John stepped away, breathing hard. His fingers were still wound in Arthur’s shirt. He let go like it hurt. 

“Don’t leave,” he said, staring at Arthur like he could sear the words into him. Make him stay through force of will alone. 

And then he was gone, just like always, just like before.

pieces rendered

ac: origins post-game, post-dlc bayek/aya fix it fic

Amunet, he reminds himself, wincing at the cool bite of aloe against raw skin. It is hard to remember in moments like these, alone in the twilight dimness of the cave mouth, safe from the eyes and ears of those who have only ever known her as a Hidden One. 

She is Aya in his thoughts, sometimes, no matter how well he guards his tongue. When the world slips and the ache of all he’s lost will not subside, that is the name that rises in his heart. Wife, lover, friend. Mother of his child, the woman he once thought would walk beside him in this life and the next. Aya. 

Amunet is the shadow of a wild wind, always blowing away from him. “North,” she told him once, “to set the sea aflame.”

She did. She does. 

Perhaps someday he will come to terms with that.

stolen car

sprawling fic series that explores the batfam universe through the lens of jacy petra todd, the second robin. the bad robin.

She holds a gun to a rapist’s head and presses the muzzle into skin hard enough to leave a mark, hard enough to make the piece of shit kneeling in front of her whimper. 

They’re in a warehouse out by the docks, in the corner of a shadowy park, in some shitty back alley, trash piled up in careless heaps and the rats ignoring them. It’s nothing they haven’t seen before. There’s blood on the ground. There is always blood on the ground. 

“Please,” they say, “please, don’t do this.”

“Come on,” she says, laughing. They hate it when she laughs. The helmet distorts her voice, turning it harsh and metallic, until the sound of it is like a knife under their skin. It is a weapon like any other; she is not afraid to use it. “Beg some more. See where it gets you.”

They cry, or retch, or shake, big tough men learning what it feels like to be powerless. Sometimes they piss themselves, the sharp odor of urine burning against the stink of blood and gunpowder. 

The Bat may rule Gotham, but Crime Alley is the Red Hood’s haunt, and her lines are hard and fast. Everyone in the city knows what happens when you cross them.

“Please,” they say, staring up at her, searching flat red metal for an ounce of mercy. They never meet her eyes. Instead, they look where a mouth should be, and beg, just like she tells them to. “Please, please, I won’t do it again, I’ll never do it again, please!”

The gun doesn’t waver. Gotham beat the softness out of her wayward daughter years before Batman ever found her, before Robin ever fluttered into the Joker’s path, before she seared and burned and screamed her way back to consciousness in the Lazarus Pit. 

“No,” she tells them, voice like a knife, gun steady in her hands—

stone by stone

sequel to no burden that will not float away featuring shitty coffee, former robins being bad at feelings, and the current robin judging them for it

[fire from fire]

[redacted] au where [redacted] dies and [redacted] snaps

She walks through the streets like a reckoning. She does not sing.

with a hawk above you crying

wonder woman fic inspired by emmylou harris’s michelangelo

last night i dreamed about you / i dreamed you lay dying / in a field of thorn and roses / with a hawk above you crying / for the warrior slain in battle / from an arrow driven deep inside you long ago—

Diana finds Antiope, and loses her, and finds her again.

you know the time is now

pitch, mike/ginny, mid-season onward au where they actually have to deal with their feelings

after all the bullshit surrounding the all-star game, mike decides he needs to take a step back, distance himself a bit from the ginny baker madness. so of course the first thing he does after the all-star game is get into a brawl. he can’t even blame it on some sort of convenient rage blackout. he makes a calm, rational decision to follow the fucker up the first base path, and calmly, rationally punches him in the face while ginny watches, stunned, from the mound.

varitek a-rod brawl whomst???

ask me about my wips!

[et-in-cinerem-reverteris]

The Sweet Release of Death - 3k

A fic where Dan never quite makes it to therapy and Phil’s liveliness isn’t natural.

Genre: Heavy angst with a happy ending

While ‘Class of 1953′ is the main fanfiction I’m working right now, I’ve also had this one on the backburner for a couple of months. It is very different to Co1953, and also fairly harrowing. Reader discretion is heavily advised.

If you’re interested I strongly recommend that you read on Ao3 as I have included some important messages there, but if not, it’s here below the cut.

CW: Death, depression, drug use, overdosing, blood, stroke, referenced homophobia, suicide, heaven, Christianity/Catholicism.

Every morning starts the same. Dan wakes up at midday, already tired, already exhausted, already feeling pathetically miserable. As crushing gloom seeps into his ribcage, along comes the ooze of worries and regrets that trickle into his brain and muddy his thoughts.

Was it a good idea to drop out of uni? 

Should I have done it?

Could I have pushed through the pain and continued with my course? 

How stable is my future now?

Can I really make a career out of Youtube?

Am I going to be successful?

Did I make the right choice? 

Am I happy? 

The weight in his chest deepens after that one.

Then it gets worse.

Is Phil happy?

Am I a burden to Phil?

Am I too much for him to handle?

Lying in this slump for what feels like forever, he drifts in and out of consciousness as he desperately tries to escape from this world and land into a dream where things don’t feel so messy and confusing. 

He checks the clock. 10 minutes have passed. He closes his eyes and falls back asleep. He checks the clock again. 20 more minutes have passed. He’s starting to get sick of this.

As he rolls over, the cold bed is empty beside him. For the past couple of months, Phil has been sleeping alone in the other room. The ‘other’ room. ‘Phil’s’ room. The filming room. The excuses had changed week by week, getting more and more distressing as they became more and more honest. 

“The last thing I want to do is disturb your sleep and make your insomnia worse, so I think it’d be best if I slept in the other room for now” turned into “I know you need time alone at the start of the day, so I want to give you space to think” which turned into “It breaks my heart to see you look so empty in the morning, I can hardly bear to look at you” which ended last week with “I just can’t cope with it any more, so I think going to become permanent. I’m sorry.”

So that was that. Dan didn’t have the willpower to argue. Phil was right anyway - Dan doesn’t want to be seen when he’s at his worst. He never wants Phil to see him like this. He hates the idea of being a burden and letting his emotions affect others, but judging by the withering light in his partner’s eyes, Dan has a sinking feeling that it might already be too late.

Half an hour in bed later, he scrapes up any shred of motivation he can get to finally pull himself out of the covers and start the dreaded day. As he makes his way to the kitchen he comes across Phil in his room preparing to film a video. The door is ajar, the studio lights are on, and the black haired man is hunched over his chest of drawers carefully fussing over something that appears to be small and fragile. Dan already knows exactly what it is. AmazingPhil never starts filming without it.

“You’re not still doing that are you?” the brunette asks with a mixture of concern, irritation and sorrow in his voice. 

Phil turns round and twitches, nearly dropping the credit card that sits between his fingers.

“Dan. I’m trying to cut down on it, I promise. Look, I’m only doing two this time,” he assures, tilting the card downwards towards two small white lines. “It just keeps my energy levels up for the videos. You know that.”

Dan sighs from the doorway and remains silent.

“You’re always welcome to join me,” Phil purrs, with an innocent yet mischievous glint in his eye.

Fuck. How on earth Phil manages to look so perfect when he’s doing something so fucked up will forever be a mystery to Dan. Yes, he’s upset. Yes, he wishes Phil would stop. But hey, we all have our vices, right? Dan doesn’t blame him for needing something extra in order to get him through the day. Must be hard living with a depressed boyfriend who clings to you even if he knows he’s dragging you down along with him.

Phil frowns. He must have guessed what Dan was thinking.

“I love you.”

Dan sighs. “I love you too.”

Phil gives him a sad, comforting smile, turning towards the chest of drawers and bending down. Heart heavy with guilt and regret, Dan withdraws into the kitchen before he accidentally catches a glimpse of his boyfriend in the act.

He hates the whole ordeal. He hates it so, so much. When Dan first found out that Phil’s bubbly temperament came not from his personality but from inside a little piece of twisted plastic, he felt that he’d been lied to. Like he had just found out that his favourite teacher was a paedophile, or that his best friend was a rapist, or that his teenage idol was secretly addicted to cocaine...oh wait. Most of it made sense to Dan, because nobody could naturally be that hyper, and it’s not like he had exactly stayed away from drugs himself. What made him feel sick to his stomach was how it affected them both. How it changed the man he loved. How it gnawed at their finances. How it fucked with Phil’s health. The headaches, the hallucinations, the anxiety, the nosebleeds - the list went on and on, and had only worsened over the three years that they’d been together.

Phil’s bedroom door clicks shut, and a few seconds later the talking begins. Dan looks into the dry cereal that sits in his bowl, sighing. Two boyfriends - one gut-wrenchingly depressed, and the other with a cocaine addiction. Great!

Milk poured and spoon located, he sits down on the sofa, turns the TV on and begins to flick through the channels. Channel after channel after channel. All pure shit. Tossing the remote to the side, he eats another spoon of cereal and chews it and chews it and chews it until it turns into a stodgy lump of grey glue. Stale. Tasteless. The cereal is claggy and he can barely swallow it. He’s not even hungry, but if he caves in to his appetite loss he knows he’ll feel even worse in a few hours. More tired and more exhausted and more pathetically miserable. At this point, it’s barely even worth finishing the fucking bowl. Why bother eating when everything tastes the same? Why bother with anything at all? 

He spends the next 15 minutes drowning in his suffering, staring out of the window as the television plays some automatically selected daytime TV. 

It’s the loud thud that snaps him out of his wallowing. 

“Phil?”

No reply.

“Phil.”

No reply.

...

“PHIL?”

Dan lunges up from the sofa and storms down the corridor, pausing in front of the filming room. He raps his knuckles against the wood, calling the other man’s name.

No reply.

His heart thumps through his ribcage. What if something’s gone wrong? What if Phil’s not okay? Horrifying visions flash before him. Not this. Fuck. Anything but this. 

The metal handle is cold as he pushes the door open.

“Phil? Are you okay?”

The six-foot man is lying on the floor, slumped against the bed with his spine at an angle that can’t be comfortable. 

“Phil? Phil! Fuck.”

He clambers over to the bed, clawing at Phil’s body. Okay. This sort of thing has happened before. Just once before. The memories of that night are painful, stinging, and Dan winces as images of his unconscious boyfriend come flooding back into his mind. 

He finally turns Phil’s body over. 

“Oh my God!”

Blood is everywhere. Blood is streaming out of Phil’s nose, down his white skin and seeping into his green t-shirt as spit dribbles down his slack jaw, mixing with the blood into a pool of pinkish red that drips down his face...his face... 

The left side of his face sags downwards.

“Oh shit, shit shit shit shit shit please no, Phil please, say something,” Dan pleads, slapping his boyfriend’s cheeks as he desperately tries to bring him back into consciousness. But Phil’s not responding, oh God Phil’s not responding to anything. Drawing in a shaky breath, Dan lifts two fingers to the man’s neck.

Waits.

And waits.

But there’s nothing there.

And so Dan checks Phil’s wrist.

But there’s nothing there.

And so Dan places his ear against Phil’s chest, trying to look for signs of a heartbeat, or breathing, or anything, just anything at this point.

But there’s nothing there.

As he lifts his head, hot tears prick his eyes and pour down his face.

CPR? The Heimlich maneuver? Defibrination? What did he do last time?

Last time?! Last time this happened Phil hadn’t fucking...hadn’t fucking... 

Hadn’t fucking died. 

“Phil...Phil, no please...Phil…”

He begins to weep. Hopeless, helpless, all he can do is pull himself closer to his boyfriend’s still-warm body. It doesn’t feel real. It can’t be real. It’s not real. It’s not real. But the empty silence of Phil’s chest and the sad droop of his left arm are telling him otherwise. His breathing quickens.

It’s not real. 

It’s not real. 

Phil’s still alive. Phil doesn’t do cocaine. Dan’s not depressed. Dan doesn’t wake up every day teetering on the brink of suicide, wondering how long he can go on for before something pushes him right over the fucking edge and cause him to finally make use of those knot-tying skills and-  

Defeated, he lets out a deep sigh. This might be it. This just might well be it. The love of his life, his first best friend, his first true lover, the man who met him at Manchester Piccadilly station three years ago sat here, dead in his arms. His soulmate. He looks at Phil’s face again. It’s cold, stark, and lifeless. Staring at the emptiness feels like a kick to the stomach, and it’s not too long before Dan breaks out into an agonising, desperate sob.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few hours pass. Dan is still sitting on the floor, still clinging to Phil’s corpse, passed out from the sheer exhaustion of having cried for so long. 

*beep beep*

His eyelids flutter open, and he’s immediately confronted with the sight of his dead boyfriend. Fresh tears spring to his eyes, painful, raw, and he buries his head back into Phil’s blood-stained shirt.

*beep beep*

He cocks his head upwards, squinting as he’s confronted by the glaring studio lamps. A light on the tripod is flashing red, and with a wash of nausea Dan realises that the camera was recording all this time.

Fuck.

Videos.

How on earth is he going to return to his career as a Youtuber? How is he going to explain what happened? How is he going to turn on his camera and say “Hello Internet, now, I’ve got some news to share with you. First of all, newsflash, Phil and I had been a couple for the past three years, but since he’s just died of a cocaine overdose, you’ll never see him again and I probably won’t be able to make any videos for a while. So yeah, that’s that. No sexy endscreen dance today, sorry!” to millions and millions of people? How is he going to tell his mum? His dad? His brother? His nan? They don’t even know that he’s gay, let alone that Phil is - was...was his boyfriend. What if he tells them and it all goes horribly wrong? What if they decide to disown him? Then he’d really be alone. Alone in the world with nobody to talk to.

Oh God.

It’s too much.

It’s all too much.

Oh God.

There is, really and truly this time, nothing left to live for.

He dislodges himself from his boyfriend’s dead body and stands up to turn the camera off. The bright lights burn his eyes. He turns them off too. 

A heavy silence sits in the apartment like a muggy cloud. Ghostlike, trudging, aching, he wanders into the kitchen to begin shutting everything down. 

Fridge off.

Oven off.

Microwave off.

Dan looks at the screen as the light on the touchpad fades away. He remembers how he once tried to convince Phil that the word ‘microwave’ was onomatopoeia. Good times. So innocent and carefree. 

How horrible life feels in this moment. He bows his head, and continues with his task.

Lamps off.

TV off.

Curtains closed.

Through the faint glow still illuminating in the room Dan can still see the sofa crease where he spent a pitifully large amount of time scrolling away the void that gnawed at him, mindlessly staring at a screen while Phil was asleep in his own solitary bed. At least there won’t be any more of that now. Perhaps that’s for the best.

He drags himself to his own bedroom, weary eyes flitting over his possessions as he tries and fails to conjure up happy memories. Fails to conjure up one little reason not to do it. Ah well.

Switches off. 

Curtains closed.

Door shut.

When the entire apartment has come to a grinding halt, Dan braces himself before re-entering the place where Phil’s body lies. As he adjusts to the darkness of the room, fresh tears burn and sting once more. He flops down next to Phil on the side of the bed, head in his hands. He wishes it was a dream. He wishes that nothing was real. He wishes that none of this had happened, that when he wakes up Phil will be by his side sleeping softly next to him and they’ll be happy and healthy and successful and free of drugs and depression and maybe even be out to their friends and family, living their best lives as just another gay couple on Youtube. But this life is not for him, was never for him. Not for Daniel Howell, it seems. 

Depleted and drained, he slumps down next to Phil like a ripped up rag doll, falling asleep with his head resting on the other man’s shoulder.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the time he arises once more, street lamps are shining through the curtains and creating strips of golden yellow on the white walls.

With the heating off, the apartment is cold.

Phil’s body is cold.

Groggy and grumpy, Dan stumbles upwards, trying to think clearly about what’s coming next.

A tie should do it, right?

5 minutes later the floor is a tip. The carpet is covered in Phil’s props, costumes and clothes, but at last a couple of ties have been found. Dan doesn’t need a tutorial for this. He’s practised countless times before. With his shoelaces, at school. With his lanyard, at work. At any other time of day he might jokingly say that he’s a professional. Now, in the sickest, saddest way, this is the one chance he has to show off. 

After dragging a chair into the bedroom, he positions it under a lampshade that hangs over the ceiling. Stepping up onto his homemade gallows, he looks at Phil one more time.

Strange.

Dan had never really believed in anything that he was taught at Sunday school. But somehow, in his final moments, his last wish is to meet Phil somewhere up in heaven.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Epilogue:

The first thought that enters Dan’s mind is that his head hurts.

And his neck too, for that matter.

Feeling hazy and confused, he lets a crack of light into his eyes. It’s bright. Too bright, in fact. Almost as if he were…

“Dan?”

He opens his eyes fully.

Somehow Phil is here right up close next to him, lying on the ground, lying on his side, lying on what looks to be some grass.

“Phil, you’re...your nose is-”

“It happened again, didn’t it?”

As he looks at the blood that smothers Phil’s jaw, tears well up in his eyes.  All he can manage is a faint nod.

Phil sighs. “I thought as much. And did you…?” His looks down towards Dan’s neck.

He nods again. Phil’s eyes wander to the ground as he strokes the side of Dan’s cheek absentmindedly. Wind brushes against his skin, rustling the soft grass that they’re nestled amongst. Branches sway above their heads, and he can hear a stream bubbling away somewhere nearby. It’s a sunny day - neither too hot, nor too cool. It’s a perfect setting, really. Almost too perfect.

“Phil?” He pipes up, voice still choked with tears.

“Hmmm?”

He raises an eyebrow. “Are we in…?”

“I was just wondering the same thing.”

“What do you think?” he asks idly, hand wandering across the grass to search for Phil’s.

“I think we must be.” He finds it, and as their fingers intertwine Dan can’t help but get lost in the eyes of the man lying opposite to him. They’re as blue as ever - stunningly striking with lashes long and pale brown. Beautiful from the start, and beautiful now.

“I’m sorry,” Phil starts, voice heavy with remorse.

“Don’t be, it’s all over now. And anyway, I’m equally sorry.”

“For what?”

“For being such a burden all the time. For being so hopelessly depressed. It can’t have helped with your...y’know…”

“Dan. Just like you said, it’s all over.”

“I know,” he smiles. “I know. I feel better now anyway. Lighter. Like my past life was a dream.”

“Are you sure you’re not dreaming now?” Phil jests.

Dan laughs. “Go on then, pinch me. We’ll see if I-ow! Phil!” He cries as the other man giggles mischievously, tongue peeking through his grin. Dan beams. “C’mere.” Propping himself up with his left elbow, he leans over towards Phil and cups his cheek with his right hand. The man below him looks up with a soft gaze, bright eyes flitting over his face and skimming over his lips. Dan leans in, closes his eyes, and kisses him.

“I love you. So much. I can’t believe I get to spend eternity by your side,” he coos, still holding Phil’s face.

“Even if that means I get to spend eternity having fun annoying you?” he smirks.

Dan laughs. “Yup. Even if it means that.”

[ghostlywritten]

Uncertainty II.

Words: 4k+

A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and messages, I appreciate it. Virtual hugs for everyone. And thanks for answering my question at the beginning, didn’t think anyone would read this part lol.

I

Warning: Language. Mentions of abuse, nothing graphic, just mentions.

Warning: Language. Mentions of abuse, nothing graphic, just mentions. 

You stood up from the couch, gathering your underwear to put on. “Hey, where are you going?” Scott asked, confused why you left his arms. 

 “Just going to put on something comfier,” you replied, shortly. 

 “Aren’t my arms comfy enough for the lady?” he asked, teasingly. 

 “Nooo, they are too buff and hard,” you said as you clasped your bra together, turning to screw up your face at him in fake disgust, “It’s ew.” 

He laughed out loud, throwing a pillow at you. “Just so you know, this…,” he said, gesturing towards his delicious chocolate abs, “…is all for you.”

“Well, as much as I appreciate the sight and I really do,” you said, taking your time to roam his figure with your eyes, “you know I’m not shallow.”

He smiled warmly at you, tugging you down to place a kiss on your lips, “I know. And that’s one out of thousand reasons why I love you.” You smiled against his mouth before pulling away again to get some clothes on. And check on the pizza. 

“Hey, you don’t mind if there are some burnt spots on the pizza,” you said, chuckling as you went back towards him, only to see him type on his phone with the smirk on again. Your good mood faltered yet again and you sighed, the thoughts nagging at the back of your mind coming back full force and nearly drowning you in worries. Why was he still friends with Bryce? was the biggest question running around your mind.

Sitting down next to him, you kept quiet, nibbling on a piece of pizza as you tried to focus on the movie, not reacting to Scott’s attempts in drawing you back into his arms.

-

The next day you drove to school together with his car in an almost deafening silence. Your entire morning actually consisted of a silent breakfast, a silent getting ready for school and a silent agreement to drive there together. Thoughts of Hannah Baker’s tapes and the rapist’s confession plagued your mind and you supposed it wasn’t helping that you were reading the blog regarding the trial.

“You still reading that blog?” Scott asked, tentatively trying to start yet another conversation. 

“Yep,” you answered, curtly. 

“What’s new now?”

“It’s Mr. Porter’s turn today.”

“One day without the biggest counselor fail in the world? Strike,” he cheered, laughing at his own ‘funny’ joke.

“Yeah,” you said lamely and opened the door as soon as his car was parked in the lot, Scott looking after you worriedly.

“Reed! There you are, man!” Bryce’s voice called out to your boyfriend and you noticed him and his posse step down the stairs to get to you. “And Y/N, hey! Didn’t expect you to come together,” he said jokingly, winking at Scott as they high-fived. “We missed you at the party yesterday.”

“Guess Scotty had something better to do than hang with us,” Monty remarked, causing them all to laugh at their not so inside joke. Scott grinned, his dimple coming out and normally that sight would turn you into a puddle inside. But today it sent shivers of the wrong kind down on your spine. His grin faded when he noticed your slight frown and he coughed, putting his arm around your shoulders.

“Yeah, sorry guys. Y/N and I just wanted to stay at home for the night,” he explained and they nodded in mock understanding. You were ashamed to admit you would have believed their feigned ignorance on what you guys did yesterday if you hadn’t read the messages before. Just how ignorant have you been all this time? Was this just a game to these guys? Like how much sex you get and how long you could fool a girl? If so, Scott had you really fooled. ‘No, stop thinking like that. He couldn’t have been acting like that for over a year. He loves you,’ you reassured yourself, wrapping your arm around his waist to search for his warmth. He smiled down at you, relief that your semi-silent treatment was apparently over and kissed the top of your head.

“Aw man, you guys are almost as cute as me and Chloe,” Bryce commented.

Scott scoffed, “Almost? We are definitely cuter!”

“Sorry dude, but who just suggested to their girlfriend to accompany them to a trip to Italy? That’s right. My cute ass,” Bryce said, pointing at himself with a shit-eating grin.

The others ‘oooh’ed, laughing.

You scoffed, too. “Aww look at you. Only been with someone for a few months and already think you can keep up with the big teams?” you said, gesturing between you and Scott. “Now that’s cute!”

“Ouch!” Monty laughed, clapping Bryce’s shoulder.

“You need a bandage for that burn?” Jackson commented, grinning widely.

Bryce chuckled, “Alright, alright. You win.” You smirked at him in success, hugging your boyfriend, who was shaking in laughter. “How about you celebrate your win with us at the Clubhouse tonight?” At this Scott went deadly still, turning into stone. 

You looked between him and Bryce. “The Clubhouse?”

“That’s right. I don’t know why you haven’t been there before already?” Monty remarked. “You’re automatically invited if your boyfriend is.”

“Never heard of the Clubhouse before,” you said, looking up at Scott questioningly.

He cleared his throat, his eyes shifting around and you knew he was trying to come up with a lie. “Y/N doesn’t really enjoy parties. I figured this wouldn’t be her scene,” he excused and whilst he was right with you not enjoying parties, it wasn’t like you totally hated them. And if he had invited you, you would have gone for his sake.

Irked by the fact that he kept this from you, you turned. “Well, I don’t mind coming tonight.”

“What?” Scott hissed, tightening his grip on you as Bryce raised an eyebrow.

“Great then. See you at 7. And 7 means 9,” he informed, then turned to Scott and clapped his shoulder. “You coming now? Math is first and you know how that dick of a teacher is.”

“Yeah, I’ll be right there,” Scott dismissed them, not taking his eyes from you as you deliberately avoided his, cheerfully waving the boys goodbye.

“What was that?”

You looked at him, innocently. “What was what?”

“Why would you agree on going to the Clubhouse?” he asked, frowning deeply.

“Why shouldn’t I? It’s a party, right?”

“Right. And you don’t like parties.”

“I will like them for you. I mean, you can’t show up alone if you’re taken. Some girl might mistake you to be single,” you grinned, pulling him closer but he resisted. 

“You can’t go there.”

“And why not?”

“I won’t allow it.”

“Excuse me?!” you protested, getting out of his arms, “Who are you to tell me what to do?”

“Your boyfriend. You are not going. It’s final,” he said, turning away from you, “I’m going to class. See you later.” He quickly went off before you could say any more, leaving you flabbergasted. What on earth had gotten into him all of a sudden?

-

The whole first and second period you couldn’t get over the fact that your sweet boyfriend suddenly turned into some strict father-figure. Even if he was into daddy-kinks, it never went like this before!

You wondered whether he was hiding something from you. Something that was happening in the Clubhouse. Was he perhaps cheating? Or taking drugs? You didn’t like this. Not one bit.

“Worrying about your boyfriend again?” a voice whispered from your right and you jumped slightly, turning to see Cyrus in all his punk glory.

“Oh. Hey Cyrus. What’s up?” you greeted him and he shrugged. “Nothing much. Been hanging out with Tyler Down lately. You know him?” 

“Yeah. The photographer.” And stalker from the tapes. It was perverted but you’d heard worse.

“That’s the one. He’s pretty chill.”

“Cool,” you remarked quietly but smiled genuinely at him. You always liked Cyrus. He could have easily gotten into one of the sport teams with how athletic he was in P.E. and turn into a jock but rather decided to be who he wanted to be. Not what he was expected to be. His courage to stay true to himself was admirable. 

“So what’s on your mind this time? Still wondering whether your boyfriend is a rapist or not?” Cyrus asked and your cringed at his bluntness. 

“No...I don’t think he is.”

“You don’t think?”

“I know he isn’t,” you corrected, giving him a warning glare. He raised up his hands in surrender, “Whatever you say. Though if he tries something with you, just kick him in the balls. You ladies are allowed to do that.” You cracked a smile at his remark, shaking your head. “Thanks, Cyrus. You are always good for advice.”

“Right?” he said, spreading his arms around to receive the non-existent cheers. You chuckled, turning back to your paper, tapping your pen against the table before looking back at him. 

“Do you know what the Clubhouse is?” you asked him. 

He thought for a second before shaking his head. “Never heard of that. Why?”

You shrugged. “Just something I’m invited to. Like a party. By Bryce.”

“Bryce?” he asked as if he misheard, “Bryce Walker?” You nodded. “Well, whatever it is, I wouldn’t go there without some protection if I were you.”

“I’m going with my boyfriend.”

“Yeah...maybe some pepper spray and whatever girl shit is out there could be useful, too?” he suggested, “Or you could borrow a baseball bat from your boyfriend?”

“Isn’t my boyfriend protection enough?” you asked him, frowning slightly.

“...It’s really up to you. Do you think so?” he asked back. You wished you could immediately say ‘Yes’. You stayed quiet instead. “I mean, you are going to a party held by Bryce Walker apparently. You need maximum safety.”

“Yeah. Thanks, Cyrus.” He nodded, looking back towards the front and you followed suit, deeply unsettled. 

-

Setting down your lunch tray you sat down on an empty table, being one of the early ones as your teacher had ended class sooner. Feeling hungry you shoved a spoonful of your noodles into your mouth, looking through your texts and social media.

There was a message from Justin last night, apologising for blowing up on you that you still hadn’t responded to. You weren’t that mad about his outburst but more about his homeless conditions and why he didn’t come to you. Deciding to not be petty about it now, you texted him back:

Justin (1:26 AM): I’m sorry, Y/N. For yelling at you.

You (12:04 PM): It’s all good. If you wanna come around sometime, you know you can. The offer still stands.

He didn’t take long to answer you.

Justin (12:06 PM): Thank you. I really appreciate it.

You (12:06 PM): Are you at school today?

Justin (12:07 PM): No...I’m visiting my mom.

You (12:08 PM): Is Meth Seth there rn?

Justin (12:09 PM): No, thank god.

You (12:10 PM): Good. Have fun then. 

Someone settled down in front of you and you looked up, surprised to see Clay sitting in front of you. 

“Hey Clay,” you greeted him, smiling.

“Hey Y/N. I need your help,” he said quickly, not beating around the bush. 

“Eh, of course,” you said, surprised he would actually take up your offer from yesterday.

“Have you ever heard of the Clubhouse?” You perked up at the question.

“The Clubhouse?”

“Yeah?”

“Just recently, yeah. I am invited to it by Bryce. Why?” 

His eyes widened. “Are you going to go there?”

“I’m eh...not sure. You know, with Bryce being there and all the rumours about him being a rapist-”

“It’s not a rumour, it’s the truth,” he cut in and you breathed in deeply, nodding. You were pretty sure by now, too.

“Look. I won’t force you, of course. But there might be something that could help the Bakers win the case. And get Bryce to jail.”

“What? How?!” you asked, shocked.

“There are Polaroids.” He took out three pictures, placing them in front of you. Picking them up you observed them closely: One was a picture of a couple smiling into the camera, another of Bryce Walker fucking a girl, whose face wasn’t visible and another of a couple going cowboy.

“What the hell?” you asked with a frown.

“Turn them around.” Doing as he said you looked at what was written and your frown turned deeper. “It’s- what’s this?”

“I’m not sure myself,” Clay replied, “But I think this Clubhouse is somewhere on the school property. And if there are things happening that happened to Hannah, then this would be a huge benefit for the Bakers. And there could be evidence on Bryce being a rapist.”

You took in a deep breath, puffing it out with a loud sigh. “Woah. Ok. What exactly do you need me to do?”

“Find out where the place is and look for polaroids like these,” he explained and you nodded. 

“Alright. I will see what I can do,” you agreed, giving him the pictures back. He nodded gratefully and opened his mouth to say more when you saw Scott and the others dangerously close to hearing range. 

“Hey Y/N, is this nerd bothering you?” Monty asked, placing a not so well meant hand on his shoulder. You noticed Bryce glancing between the two of you in suspicion as Scott sat down next to you, nonchalantly greeting Clay with a nod. 

“No, he is not. In fact he was just going,” you said, giving the boy in front you a warning glance. He nodded in understanding and left without another word. 

“Girl, what did he want?” Bryce wondered, taking his place and staring at you in silent observation as if he could read on your face what you had been talking about. You squirmed slightly, feeling uncomfortable under his eyes and Scott wrapped his arm around your waist, kissing your temple to relax you. 

“Just some shit about English class. He was asking about the essay,” you quickly made up, glancing at Zach, who was the only one you shared that class with along with Clay. He looked confused and slightly panicked. “Essay? What essay? How much time do I have left?!” The table roared in laughter. 

“Typical Zach. Always missing everything that’s educational,” Jackson chuckled, clapping his back good-naturedly as Zach blushed in embarrassment.

“Don’t worry, Zach. You still have more than enough time left,” you chuckled. Endless time actually since there was no assigned essay.

“Whatever, I’m sure Y/N is going to give me her essay to copy from, right?” Zach said, giving you the puppy eyes to which you only raised an eyebrow.

“Sorry, that won’t work on me.” He deflated into a pout.

“That only works on your mom, Zachy!” Monty joked, causing the others to burst out in laughter again. You rolled your eyes at the typical joke. They never let him go away with that.

“Yeah, yeah. Real funny,” Zach grumbled, picking on his food.

“Come on Zachy,” Bryce said between his chuckles, “You coming to the Clubhouse tonight?”

“Nah, I’m busy with that essay I’ve just heard about for the first time,” Zach said moodily and you tried to hide your smile.

“Sucks for you. You’re gonna miss Y/N’s debut at the place,” Jackson informed him. Zach’s eyes widened and snapped to you. “What?”

You gave him a questioning look as Scott pulled you closer. ‘Did he know something?’

“Actually Y/N told me earlier that she can’t come,” your boyfriend said, causing you to frown at him, “she has to look after her neighbour’s daughter. Forgot about that, didn’t you?” he said, turning to you.

“I don’t know what you’re-,” you jumped as he squeezed your waist almost too tightly. “So I’m gonna have to pass, too. Sorry, guys,” he continued, quickly talking over you. Bryce regarded you two with sharp eyes before shrugging. 

“Well, it can’t be helped,” was all he said as the others groaned in disappointment. 

“Yeah, seems like it,” you said through your gritted teeth, glaring at your boyfriend, who was skillfully avoiding your eyes.

-

“Y/N!” he called after you as you went ahead. “Where are you going? The car is parked the other way,” he chuckled, but you impassively continued your walk home, causing him to stop. 

“Hey Y/N? Y/N!” he caught your wrist, turning you around, “Not the silent treatment again, please. What’s going on?”

“As if you don’t know,” you scoffed, getting out of his grip. 

“I-”

“Who the hell are you to tell me where to go or not, huh?!” you interrupted him, all your pent up anger coming up, “Like seriously, what the fuck, Scott? Since when have you turned into this strict, over-protective boyfriend? We agreed to leave the daddy-kinks for the bedroom!” 

“I know. I know. I’m just looking out for you,” Scott tried to explain, going to take your hand but you moved away, ignoring his pained expression.

“I don’t care. You have no right to forbid me from doing anything, boyfriend or not.” Pushing him away from you, you walked home to get ready for the party. Like hell were you going to let him stop you from this.

As soon as you arrived home, you ran a bath for yourself with your favourite scent to soothe your nerves that had been going haywire the past two days.

Looking at your phone, you saw Justin’s latest text.

Justin (12:15 PM): No fun in that shithole.

You (3:46 PM): Sorry for the late answer. Where are you now?

Closing the tap, you stripped off your clothes and relaxed into the water with a blissful sigh. This is what you lived for: nice, hot baths. 

You mulled over the things that happened today. Bryce inviting you to the Clubhouse, which seemed to be an exclusive thing, and Scott’s immediate and weird reaction. He was strangely adamant on not letting you go to that party. You knew then he was hiding something from you. Deducing from the polaroids you would think it was the usual party, sex and drugs scenario, but...

Hannah wasn’t the only one.

‘Are they getting raped in there?’

‘Is that what Scott is trying to hide from you?’

‘Or is he trying to hide himself from you? What he is doing in there?’

You shut your eyes tightly, diving under the water as if it would stop you from thinking what you couldn’t stop yourself to think about. ‘Is he like Bryce?’

-

Getting ready was easier said than done when you don’t really fancy going out. But you weren’t only doing this for the sake of finding out what your boyfriend had been up to but also for Clay and the Baker’s trial. You had to find out what was going on in there and get proof if something bad was happening.

Putting on some black skinny jeans you stuffed your white top into it, a leather belt adorning your waist as you pulled your hair up into a messy bun. A quick application of make up and a denim jacket thrown over your top and you were ready to go. Looking at the clock, you saw it was only a little after 8 and figured you should get something to eat. There was no way you were going to eat or drink anything in that Clubhouse. Yes, you were that paranoid by now.

Stuffing your mouth with some chinese take out, you got out your phone. Scott hadn’t texted you so far and you knew he was giving you space like he always would after a fight, knowing you needed to cool down.

But you had a message from Justin.

Justin (6:59 PM): I’m ok. Don’t worry about me.

You (8:14 PM): What do you mean? Where are u? Are you at Clay’s?

You bit your lip, hoping for a quick reply. Waiting you ate some more until you got impatient and decided to call. As you prayed for him to pick up, feeling the uncomfortably familiar churn in your stomach, the doorbell rang. You frowned, ending the call. 

Walking up to the door, you peeked through the peephole only to see the tanned face of your boyfriend. Sighing, you opened up the door to see him standing with two boxes of pizza and a sheepish smile. 

“I’m sorry for being a dick- wait, why are you so dressed up?”

“Yes, you are a dick and pizza accepted,” you replied, taking the boxes from him and walking back into the kitchen.

“Y/N, where are you going?” 

“To the Clubhouse of course.”

Silence, then... “No.”

“What no?”

“No as in you won’t go.”

You huffed. “Try and stop me. I dare you.”

“Y/N, you can’t fucking go there. Don’t argue with me on this,” he said, looking like he was panicking.

“Give me one reason why,” you demanded, crossing your arms.

“You don’t like parties.”

“I do now.”

“You don’t know where it is.”

“You will show me where it is.”

“Like hell I’m gonna help you get there.”

“Then I guess I will just have to ask Bryce to get me there.” You waited for his next argument as you checked your makeup on the reflection of the oven. Hearing no counter attack you turned to look at him only to see him try to control his hard breathing.

“Scott?” you called out, stepping up to him. He suddenly grabbed your arms, holding them tightly and making you squeal in surprise. “You are not fucking going near him, you hear me?!” 

“Ouch, what the fuck? Let me go!” you exclaimed and he immediately dropped his grip on you, breathing in deeply and turning away.

“What on earth is going on with you Scott? Why are you trying to keep me away from that place?”

“Because I don’t like you going there, okay? Is that not enough reason for you?” he asked you, almost desperate. You felt slightly bad, but needed to find out what was up with that place.

“Scott, just tell me straight up. What happens in the Clubhouse? Are you doing drugs?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“And...nothing.”

“So? I’m not going to do drugs, you have nothing to worry about.”

“They will force you.”

“They can fucking try.”

“Listen, Y/N. Just stay here with me,” he begged, holding onto your arms again, gentler this time, “We can eat pizza and watch whatever you want all night. Please?”

You almost gave in, looking into his beautiful eyes but shook your head. “Sorry Scott. I need to go.”

“Why? Why the hell do you need to go there?”

“To find evidence that Bryce is a fucking rapist!”

“W-what?” Shoot, you weren’t planning on letting that slip. “Wha- why would you think he is rapist?”

“Oh, don’t fuck with me right now, Scott. We both know he is,” you scoffed, shaking his hands off to cross your arms. “Everyone knows. Justin confirmed it and he has been on the tapes, Clay said so too and even fucking Mr. Porter confessed it in front of the court today!

Can you look me in the eye and say he is not a rapist?” you challenged, boring your eyes in his. He pressed his lips together and looked down, shaking his head.

You finally let out the breath that you had been holding in ever since the tapes came out. He looked down in distress, his shoes suddenly more interesting than anything else in the vicinity.

“Why would you protect him, Scott?” you asked, shakily.

“I’m...not.”

“Yes, you fucking are. Tell me why!” You demanded, tears threatening to spill as your heart tightened. 

“I’m just...Look, Y/N there are a lot of things going on - especially in the Clubhouse - that you or anyone that is not part of it knows about,” he explained and you nodded, the feeling of confirmation solidifying the more he spoke. “Seriously. The stuff that’s happening there is not something you want to deal with. That’s why I’m asking you not to g-”

“But you deal with that stuff, don’t you?” you whispered, cutting in, “You go into that Clubhouse and deal with the rape and whatever else happens in there.”

“I-I can’t really do anything about it.”

“Why? Because you do it, too?” He took in  a sharp breath and you looked up to  see his heart break completely at your words. “W-what do you mean?”

“I mean,” you said, tears flowing freely down your cheeks, “I mean that you are part of that fucked up shit that is happening at the Clubhouse. And maybe you’re even like fucking Bryce Walker.” You turned to get away from him, his silence deafening you. It was out. What you had been pondering about all this time was finally out. And you didn’t feel even the tiniest bit better about it.

“H-how can you think I’m a rapist?” he asked, his voice cracking. You sniffed, wiping your nose with the sleeve of your denim jacket. “I don’t see another reason why you would protect him.”

“I-I- Y/N,” he whispered, sounding like the life was sucked out of his body, leaving his beautiful shell behind, “I’m not...I’m not like him. I would never-” his voice broke and for the first time since the idea got planted into your mind, you started doubting yourself. Was he genuine...or was it just his acting fooling you?Either way, you knew you would keep asking yourself these questions and your heart couldn’t take anymore of this uncertainty. You felt like you had a stranger standing in front of you and you didn’t know what he was capable of.

“Scott,” you said quietly, “I can��t be with you anymore.” His head snapped up to you, panic radiating from his eyes.

“Y/N, y-you can’t do this. I’m not a rapist. I’m not!” He tried to convince you as you kept shaking your head. 

“Then tell me why are you protecting him? Why are you even still friends with him?!”

“We-We’re teammates!” he frantically tried to scramble for an answer, “W-We have to work together! This is not easy-”

“Are you seriously using sports as an excuse to be buddies with a rapist? Are you hearing yourself?!” you almost yelled at him. You couldn’t recognise the person in front you anymore.

“I-what do you want me to do? Report him? No one’s going to believe me and they will kick me out and ruin everything! You know how much influence Bryce’s parents have on every little thing?! They could ruin my future! Our future, Y/N!”

“Is that the only thing you care about?” you asked, disbelievingly. “Girls get raped right in front of you and all you can think about is your future?” 

Scott repeatedly opened and closed his mouth, hopelessly trying to get you back. He suddenly closed the distance between you two, holding onto your waist and not letting you escape. “Y/N,” he tried again as you struggled to get out of his grip,  “You’re literally the only person who knows who I really am outside of school. The me in front of my friends is not the real me, it’s just a facade-”

“Is raping part of your facade, too?” you spat, finally managing to push him away. He bit his lip and you swore you saw him close to tears, which was almost enough for you to become soft. He had never cried in front of you, not wanting to lose the strong and reliable picture you had of him. 

“Y/N, please...don’t leave me,” he whispered. You shut your eyes, your heart already aching from what you were about to say.

“Get out.”

III.

Help me Get Coffee Support?

[keeloves]

MY Top 10 Worst Male Characters

 Keep in mind this just my personal opinion! I would love to hear your thoughts but please keep them civil and respectful. Kicking off the list at number 10

10 Jake Salt (Famous in Love)

Don’t get me wrong he is super cute/hot but ugh he freaking irks me! First of all he treats girls like crap, he is emotionally needy and as Paige put “Nothing is ever his fault” He slept with Lexi to try and get his script published into a movie. He slept with her for several days and when once he realized that wasn’t happening he got pissed off blamed her and then he ghosted Lexi. Yeah, I know what an asshole. He confesses his “love” for Paige at a press conference right after Rainer had a severe melt down. Then once he gets with Paige he treats her like crap and is emotionally abusive. He doesn’t move into the house she bought, he didn’t stick up for her when she said no to shots but instead helped pressured her into doing shots of tequila and she ended up getting so drunk that she ended up missing her screen test and he didn’t defend her when she was being ripped to shreds by a producer guy. Skip to like 5:28 and watch until 7:16. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYMVnvjcfpY&t=7s This video was made by my dear friend @disneyfanforever3 This clip pretty much sums up why I can’t stand Jake. I am so happy Paige called him out on his bullshit.

9. Sinbad (Sinbad from Legends of the Seven Seas) 

First of all he doesn’t deserve to have this movie named after him because he is a terrible protagonist. He speaks disrespectfully to women, and just ugh! He is okay letting his friend Proteus die for a crime he did not commit and and Sinbad would run off to Fiji fully knowing his friend Proteus that he has known since CHILDHOOD would be dead as long as he can run off to Fiji. Proteus said to Sinbad while taking his place “I know you would do the same for me” and Sinbad’s reply is “No I wouldn’t” like ugh dude you aren’t that loyal! So Marina is the real hero of the movie. In fact I go a little more into detail on why I hate Sinbad. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhD6mbhLJpY&lc=z23iz1vpsv3kyla3xacdp430q55un5sqk3m3zmlonvhw03c010c

8.Oliver Queen (Arrow)

I have ranted on him several times so I will try to keep this brief! He is a womanizing manwhore. He serial cheated on his girlfriend Laurel with basically every woman including her sister Sara. He did nothing to make the situation better. This pic I used of him is him flirting with Sara at the Lance family dinner and this is the moment where I wanted to punch him in the face! Ugh god he is the worst. He cheated so much that he fathered a child. He abandon Thea after she got out of the Lazurus pit all so he could play house with Felicity and he constantly goes back and forth on his no kill rule. Oh and this Oliver is a knock off version of Bruce Wayne and he is a complete 180 of who he should be.

7. Mon El (Supergirl)

I hate Mon El so much! He lied to Kara about who he was on Daxam yes I know Kara was judgmental at first but Mon El just planned to keep her in the dark the entire time of their relationship. He owned slaves and did nothing to correct the issue he just chose to stay with Kara. He called Kara his kryptonite which is something that can kill her literally so bleh! He disrespected Kara at every moment she tried to help him. He beat up another Aileen for money and he is so selfish. In fact how here is Kara chewing out Mon El’s ass out! Its very satisfying like “Paige Townsen Nothing’s ever your fault speech to Jake.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnHZInGzQ4w

6. Moses Puloki Dance Teacher (Lilo and Stitch)

A while back I made a list of my most annoying cartoon characters and he is number one on the most annoying cartoon characters list. I put him on this list because he is an adult who lets Mrytle get away with bullying Lilo. He sees it happening before his very eyes and he does nothing to stop it and instead it always Lilo’s fault. He never asks for Lilo’s side of the story and he just assumes Lilo is at fault when she beats up Mrytle. At least that is how it feels. I have never once seen him say anything to Mrytle or her possy that follow her around. To me he is my least favorite character from Lilo and Stitch and it makes me wonder why he is a teacher in the first place.

5. Thomas Humprey aka Humps (Orange is the New Black

He is an abliest piece of shit. He caused a fight all for a stupid bet. He gas lit Suzanne Warren aka Crazy Eyes and she said repeatitly she didn’t want to fight. The other gaurds are terrible because they went along with is bullshit and because of him this Suzanne beat the hell out of this other woman who also appeared to be mentally unstable because the other woman was insulting Suzanne. Suzanne beat up this other woman so much that this girl was bleeding and her face was bruised up. Two other inmates had to get Suzanne off of this other inmate. Yet all Humps did was laugh and said “Well I just made $20 bucks” Suzanne is left to cry and feel ashamed for something he started! He is so terrible he makes Pornstache look like a saint.

4. Pablo Money (Famous in Love)

He is emotionally and phyically abusive He stole Jordan’s IPad and accused Tangey of cheating. He treats Tangey like an object to be had and he kicked the door of the room where Tangey was hiding. He is possessive,manipulative and ugh! I also put him on the list because he treats my favorite character on the show like shit.

3. Every Itteration of Harrison Wells (The Flash)

I have gone on ar ant about why I hate this character so I will kep this brief as I can. The only Wells I will put up with are The original Earth 1 Wells Eowells (Season1) and Harry Wells. This character is boring, he is played out and he is just there to take up space and be a boring whtie character that Cisco has to play glorified baby sitter too. EoWells is terrible because he killed Barry’s mom, he killed Cisco and when Cisco remembers EoWells laughs in his face. Harry is awful, he faked an illness to guilt Wally into not moving in with Jesse knowing full Well that is how Francine West (Wally and Iris’s mother) died. He chokes Cisco, he also breaks Cisco’s things and never offers to fix them and he is just an ass wipe. The rest of the Wells are annoying because we don’t need anymore Wells and Sherloque Wells has annoying accent.

2. Ezra Fitz (Pretty Little Liars)

I have also ranted on him a lot as well so bare with me. He stalked teenage girls, he got with Aria knowing full well she was going to be his student and knowing she was underage. He framed Spencer for something she didn’t do and because she was on to him. He stole her files and gave it to Aria which by the way is illegal to do. Then again what does this man care about what law he breaks he is all ready guilty of statutory rape, stalking and violating privacy. He hooked up with Alison and he should have gone to prison but instead he gets to live happily ever after with Aria. He ends up marrying Aria. Yeap that’s right folks he married the girl he groomed and stalked and manipulated. He even trapped her on a Ferris wheel. 

1. Damon Salvotore (The Vampier

Ugh just thinking about him makes nauseated. He is abusive, manipulative and he ruined hi brother’s life and stole his girl and he is part of the reason why I have a hard time getting into the show. Damon is a serial rapist and serial killer. He raped Caroline, fed off of her and terrified her. He kills people Elena cares about just because she isn’t giving him what he wants. Man if Damon wants something he better get it now or else. I bet he is terrible in bed because three girls have bragged about how good Stephan is in bed and Damon only brags about himself. I say he is terrible because if he wasn’t he wouldn’t have to compel girls to sleep with him. He killed a pregnant woman this means he also killed a baby. He has no remorse for any of these things and he just relies on Elena to change him. The only time I can deal with him is when he is around Bonnie! Ugh I hate this character! He needs to trade places with Stephan and now the fact that Delena have kids together make me want to throw up my insides because it makes my skin crawl knowing Damon would father a child. Plus I think Ian Somerholder though he seems nice is not all that great of an actor.

[zolaliz]

Trans v terf discourse:

Hey so I wanted to make a post of my own about the whole terf discourse thing I stumbled upon yesterday and the post I made out of spite today (which I took down, because it was a mistake, and if you saw it I truly, genuinely apologize) and explain a little bit more calmly about the whole thing, about where I'm coming from

Basically I happened upon the account belonging to @/redkatherinee and saw some art that really.. had me shaken up, I guess. It was disturbing, and i felt sick in a way I haven't in a long time. Now I myself am not trans. But I'm going to come out and say that I support trans women, because 1.) I am not ashamed of this, and would never be, and 2.) it's gonna be kinda vital to my whole conversation here. If you are a terf, (trans exclusionary radical feminist for anyone who doesn't know) you might read the sentence before this one and immediately think of my opinion as invalid. You're might (or might not, I don't know) not even bother to read the rest of this. You might start gearing up counter arguments before I even start with my point. That's okay. I am not looking for a fight here. I just want to explain my point of view. If you don't want to listen, if you don't care, if you think I'm wrong, I'm going to politely ask that you don't let me know about it. If you're looking to talk, I'm going to be cautiously open to that. But keep in mind I know the difference between the approaches of someone looking to talk and someone looking to fight. So if you want to send hate or anything else, please refrain. Just as I am going to try to refrain from insulting anybody with this post. Because that's not my intention here. And if I do, I'm sorry.

I'm going to talk about two of @/redkatherinee's art pieces in particular. One displays a witch with a cauldron, with hands reaching out of the boiling liquid, with trans flag bracelets on their wrists. The other displays a women holding a bloodied pie, with eye balls inside it, and a caption that says "terfs literally eat transwomen". Both are drawn in satire. I do believe they were drawn for the purpose of satire, and upon further reading, found out they were drawn because the artist wanted to illustrate how trans supporters and trans people view terfs. Even if they were drawn for satirical purposes, it does not make these images okay. Far from it.

I've always disagreed with terf's stance on transwomen, how they treat them and view them, but I've never seen this hate so openly displayed. Because it wasn't the images that disturbed me, not exactly. It was how I imagined a transwoman stumbling upon them. Maybe this isn't something a terf can empathize with, as some terfs don't see trans women as worthy of empathy, but please try.

If I were a trans woman I would feel beyond despised, I'd feel scared and panicked over how much hatred someone could have to construct those images. To put time and effort into them. The whole thing feels wildly out of hand, but if I had stumbled across those posts as a trans woman, especially without any context provided in the captions, without any context of why the artist drew those (and honestly, even with the context), I'd feel like hiding. I'd feel scared of how someone could have so much hatred towards me. I'd feel angry and start hating in return.

Terfs argue that not all transwomen are good people, and therefore should not be supported. But the truth of this is people can be bad, regardless of sexual orientation, identity, background, opinion. Not all people are good, but that shouldn't mean we stop supporting the ones that are.

For those who say that terfs get hatred and death and rape threats, I am here to say that none of that is okay. Your beliefs do not give others the excuse to be nasty to you. Me included. But you must understand that when you tell others you believe transwomen are rapists and murderers and horrible people, people that don't deserve respect, their first instinct is to lash out (as was mine). It doesn't excuse the behavior, merely explains it.

But you have to understand that this behavior is provoked by someone telling them that their existence is invalid, that it automatically makes them something they may not be. And telling a trans person that they shouldn't exist, that they are wrong, that they are something they aren't- that behavior is inexcusable too.The same way you may feel about people hating terfs, sending them death threats, rape threats, and worse- is what others feel like when they see you excluding trans people and telling people that they don't deserve to exist in the gender they identify with, that they are pedophiles and rapists and murderers themselves. It makes them angry and defensive and scared. It makes them sick and cruel and irrational. It continues the cycle of hate.

But you see the biggest difference between the hate terfs receive and the hate trans people receive is that terfs receive hate because of their beliefs, while trans people receive hate because of their identity. You can change one's beliefs, but no one can change who they are . Trans women are hated because of who they are, their existence, and by excluding them, by targeting them and discriminating against them, you receive hate for your beliefs. Because your beliefs harm others.

Please understand, if you are a terf, in the same way you most likely cannot change your opinions of trans women, these women also can't change who they are. That's right, these women can not change who they are. They aren't men in skirts. They aren't monsters. Because monsters can be monsters regardless of identity or gender, so saying that they are a monster because they are trans is absurd. I wouldn't insult a whole religion for the few who use it to promote hate and ignorance. The actions of some don't speak for the actions for everybody. Everyone, in their own way, is only trying to get by. To live their life as they identify.

Now to people who violently hate on terfs, I was you about six hours ago. Through writing this and after writing this I realized hate isn't the way to approach this. Hate should never be a way to approach anything. Because how on earth do you expect people to even consider your opinion if you approach it with hate? So the telling them to kill themselves and jump off a bridge and die and all that horrible shit, that needs to stop. These are humans, no matter how different their opinions are. No matter how harmful their opinions are. Hurting them back won't help, even if that's your first instinct (as it was mine.)(to be clear though I've never sent a terf a death threat or anything similar). I get it, okay, I really do, but that's not the right way to go about this. This isn't saying that terfs are in the right, or that the hate they receive is anything compared to the decades of discrimination, violence, and worse that trans women have received, but sending them hate won't make the situation any better.

It's exhausting going about it this way and anger and anonymous hate is easier and quicker and makes you feel better- but it won't solve anything.

So to everyone, trans supporters and terfs and trans people themselves- we're all so eager to go at each other's throats, but to take a step back and talk, that could accomplish a lot more. Terfs; maybe a trans woman won't ever be a woman to you, but the least you can do is try and remember that they are a human being. That they aren't defined by anyone else's actions except their own. Trans supporters; you aren't doing the trans people you support any favors by telling terfs to go kill themselves, by calling them disgusting. It comes off badly on the people you're trying to defend. And trans women; I know it's difficult, and I know some terfs won't even give you the time of day- or worse, they do, and they target and harass you. They hate you for your existence, which isn't something you can change (or ever should have to change). So I'm not going to tell you you have to be understanding of people who want you gone, who don't respect you. Talk to them as you see fit, and if they can't talk to you like you're a human, that's on them, and I'm sorry that it being on them doesn't mend the damage done to you by talking to them or being targeted by them.

Respect goes a long way on either end. Stop the death threats, rape threats, suggestions of suicide, exclusion, targeting, and worse.

Hate really doesn't give anyone the high ground. But talking? Talking can help some people reach a middle ground.

[preserving-ferretbrain]

One Man's Burning Hatred for Anime

by Rude Cyrus

Friday, 10 July 2009

Cyrus displays something that looks suspiciously like masochism.

Uh-oh! This is in the Axis of Awful...~

Dear god in heaven. I’m not prepared for this, but the rage and hatred have built to a point where I must let it out. There are some things I hate in this world, but none more so than pretension, especially pretension that is accepted by the masses as tortured genius. It’s frustrating to point out that something is obviously a dog turd wrapped in shiny foil, only to be met with derision, defensive bootlicking, and cries of “WELL, THAT’S JUST YOUR OPINION.”

The subject I’ll be talking about today is a well-known anime (if you don’t know what anime is, go look it up on Wikipedia or something). A fair warning: there’s going to be a gratuitous amount of cussing and spoilers – that is, if you consider a dead fly in the middle of a feces lollipop to be a spoiler.

A bit of background first, so I can delay this thing as long as possible: when I was an innocent, starry-eyed larva, I was exposed to anime by way of Speed Racer. The show is about racing and cars, or some such shit; frankly, it’s a poorly animated mess that’s interesting only as an experiment to see how much footage the animators recycled. I was left with the impression that all anime was shit, at least until a few years later when I discovered Dragon Ball Z and Sailor Moon– the former catered to my violent fantasies of burly dudes beating the crap out of each other, while the latter indulged my masturbatory dreams of teenage girls in short skirts. Look, I was 13 at the time, okay? Oh, and I got caught up in something called Pokemon, although I don’t think too many people watched that show.

Eventually I matured (kinda sorta) and began yearning for something that appealed to my awesome intellect. My first taste of a “real” anime was Akira, a fun little jaunt into a post-apocalyptic Japan inhabited by shriveled, psychic children and motorcycle gangs. The film fell apart at the end and generally felt slipshod; it wasn’t until years later that I found out that it was an adaptation of a manga, and quite a bit of content had to be cut.

Then I watched Ghost in the Shell, another movie that takes place in the Future! This time, it’s about 100 times more confusing and talky, with characters standing around, pondering what it is to be human, blah blah blah. Interspersed throughout are scenes of the lead character, Makoto, running around bare-ass naked and kicking butt. The thing that stuck me is that Makoto has no genitalia – no pubic hair, no vulva, just a blank area of flesh. It disturbs me to this day.

I think I caught a few episodes of Gundam Wing, but the only thing I remember is how two of the characters confused the enemy by kissing. I thought it odd.

After that, I went through what I call my Hayao Miyazaki period: Princess Mononoke, Spirited Away, My Neighbor Totoro – if Miyazaki made it, I watched it. This was followed up with Cowboy Bebop and Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex (which I found to be superior to the film). Finally, I stumbled upon a series called Neon Genesis Evangelion, something considered by the anime community to be a complex, profound examination of human nature, combined with awesome giant mech action.

This series is the subject of this article.

A brief synopsis: in the year 2015, Earth’s population has decreased dramatically, thanks to a cataclysmic event called “Second Impact” that occurred at the turn of the century. To make things worse, monstrosities called Angels are threatening to destroy the remnants of humanity – the only things that stand in the way are giant, biomechanical creatures called Evangelions (or EVAs for short), piloted by three 14-year-old teenagers. The main characters are:

Shinji Ikari – a shy, introverted boy that was abandoned by his father after his mother died (said father being the commander of the organization that created the EVAs), Shinji wants nothing more than to be liked by his deadbeat dad. He’s a coward as well, something that puts him at odds with the enormous responsibility of piloting an EVA. He becomes a bit braver and more self-assured as the series goes on, before collapsing into a whiny, spineless piece of shit.

Rei Ayanami – this strange girl is almost emotionless and wholly dedicated to Shinji’s father, which is somewhat creepy when you realize that he’s twice her age; we later find out that she’s a partial clone of Shinji’s mother. Her interactions with Shinji lead her to become more in touch with her emotions and thus more “human”, at least until she starts fostering a death wish.

Asuka Langley Soryu – a half-German/half-Japanese redheaded girl that serves as the show’s LOUD WESTERN STEREOTYPE. Asuka is opinionated, bossy, overconfident, and thinks poorly of Shinji. She softens towards him a bit after he fishes her out of a volcano and the two are forced to train in unison (don’t ask). She becomes an emotionally shattered shell after being forced to relive childhood memories of her insane mother’s suicide.

Whee.

To be fair, it doesn’t start out too bad. The best parts of the series dealt with the interactions between the three main characters (when they were three-dimensional human beings and not cardboard cutouts, that is). As time went on, the tone became darker, the characters became suicidally depressed, and a somewhat coherent storyline devolved into madness. Episode 24 (out of 26) introduced Kaworu Nagisa, an Angel in human form that became insanely popular due to his homoerotic interactions with Shinji, and ended with a two-minute static shot of an EVA holding Kaworu’s body in its hand while music played in the background – no speech, no movement, just this single shot. Go stare at a picture for several minutes and you’ll get the same effect: mind-numbing boredom.

The final two episodes were bullshit from start to finish. In them, an unseen party questioned every major character on their motivations, which the characters responded to, all with bowed heads so the animators didn’t have to draw mouths. In between these interrogations, we were assaulted with still images and words and nonsense. The ending had all the characters standing around, clapping their hands and saying “Congratulations!” As if they were praising the viewers for making it through this festering garbage.

I would’ve purged this crap from my head and moved on, but then I learned that the creator, Hideaki Anno, was forced to give the fans that shameful ending due to time and budgetary constraints, and there was a film called The End of Evangelion that acts as the true ending to the series. So, I hunted down a copy and watched it.

Let me tell you something: the movie makes the series ending look like fucking Citizen Kane in comparison. I have never, ever seen such a bloated, pompous, insulting, nasty, manipulative, incoherent pile of monkey shit like End of Evangelion. I hear that Anno received death threats over the series ending, and after seeing the kind of petty drivel this man is capable of, I can understand why. Not that I’m condoning death threats or anything.

How bad is this film? Here’s a scene from the opening moments: Shinji is in a hospital room, standing over Asuka, who has been sedated following the mental trauma she endured at the hands of an Angel. Shinji, desperate to get her to respond, pulls at her and accidentally rips open her gown, revealing her breasts. Shinji, naturally, takes action by masturbating over her comatose body and ejaculates into his hand.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

This is sick! What’s the fucking point of this scene, to establish Shinji as a future serial rapist? It’s disgusting, vile, inexcusable, and every other synonym for “bad”. Why? I have about a dozen other questions, like “Who thought this was a good idea?” and “What the fuck is wrong with Hideaki Anno?” but the best query right now is: why?

Later, Shinji spends about three-quarters of his screen time –

I’m sorry, I can’t get over this. WHY?! I’ve heard fans say that this is an example of Shinji hitting rock bottom, and besides, he expresses his contempt for himself immediately afterwards. Look, I’ve been clinically depressed at times too, but I don’t jerk off over unconscious girls. Know why not? Because that would make me a SEX OFFENDER.

Fuck.

Shinji spends about three-quarters of his screen time cowering in a ball in the corner, alternating between screaming and sobbing. Asuka is revived, but she and her EVA are literally ripped to pieces. Rei becomes a sort of god-monster and dies. Whee.

The second half of the movie is filled the same mind-fuckery and nonsense imagery that ruined the series ending, only it’s a billion times worse here. There’s also some well-written dialogue on display too:

SHINJI: Where is my dream?

REI: It is where your reality ends.

SHINJI: Then where is my reality?

REI: It is at the end of your dream.

That’s not a 100% accurate quote, but it’s pretty damn close. It’s deep, man.

And if you don’t hate Shinji enough, here he comes to bitch endlessly about how everyone hates him and he hates everyone. Gee, with that sunny disposition, I can’t imagine why he’s so miserable. Then Asuka steps in and tells him he’s a worthless turd, so he chokes her. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to kill a fictional character so badly in my life.

Then there’s some live-action footage of people getting on a train while Rei and Shinji continue to babble about human nature, all for our benefit, of course. After what seems like fucking days, the movie ends with Shinji and Asuka on a beach, the only two humans left on the planet. Shinji starts choking Asuka AGAIN, but is stopped when she caresses his cheek. Her oxygen-deprived brain must’ve mistaken him for someone else. Shinji stops choking her and, what else, starts crying. Asuka looks at him and utters a most appropriate line: “Disgusting.”

In case you don’t get it, let me spell it out: I HATE THIS MOVIE. I hate it to a degree I didn’t think was possible. Most of my anger is directed towards Hideaki Anno, who was the writer and director for the series and the movie. He strikes me as a pretentious, antisocial, petty person, and everything he does oozes contempt for his fans. From creating this giant middle-finger of celluloid to stating “Too bad” in English when a fan said he was dissatisfied with the original ending, he’s a man who has no idea how to relate to people.

*deep breath*

Here’s why I can’t stand him: he created characters that I related to, characters that had nuanced personalities (even though they would be pigeonholed at times), characters that I wanted to see happy, characters that I sympathized with…and then he slowly, gleefully tore them apart. He forced them to go through absolute hell, and they all came out as broken individuals, and that’s how they stayed to the end – alone and unloved. Whenever there was a glimmer of light, Anno snuffed it out. I have no idea why he was so cruel to his own characters, but I have some theories:

1. He started out liking what he did, but ended up hating it, so he tried to make it so no one else would be able to revive the series (this one appears to have been disproven – see below).

2. He planned this from the beginning, making him a sadist as well as a hack.

3. Something in his life caused him to become extremely depressed, so his work reflects that.

I’ve heard a lot of evidence (and by evidence I mean conjecture) to support C, but if that’s the case, why not just put things on hold until he got better? On the other hand, his “too bad” comment indicates that he didn’t really give a shit about the whole thing, so who knows?

The fans deserve a tongue-lashing as well. If I had a dollar for every comment that called him a “genius”, a “visionary”, or any of the things that he isn’t…I’d be able to buy out Microsoft. I suspect that because much of the series and movie is inexplicable, the fans have deluded themselves into thinking this balderdash is somehow insightful.

Hilariously, Anno has decided his masterpice wasn’t good enough, or something, because he’s now remaking the series into four movies with witty titles like You Can (Not) Advance and You Are (Not) Alone and You Can (Not) Go Fuck Yourself. The ending to all of this is supposed to be totally new, which means it’s probably going to be even more frustrating and ambiguous. From the pictures I’ve seen and the reviews I’ve heard, it looks awful. Asuka’s last name has been changed to Shikinami, for some nebulous reason, and the body suit she wears is now translucent – she wears a bra underneath, but there are only a few inches of opaque fabric covering her cooch, so I’m guessing the design was built around fanservice. Which is always a great consideration, right? Plus, she’s supposed to wear an eyepatch in the third film, like a goddamn pirate.

On top of that, Anno has shoehorned in the loathsome Kaworu from the beginning, and added a new character named Mari, who is from the UK, I think. He’s packed 100 tons of shit into a 10-ton bag, in other words. Naturally, the fans are eager to fall all over themselves defending their messiah, bleating variations of “IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO COMPLAIN” or “WE JUST NEED TO WAIT UNTIL THE END”. I don’t need to poke myself in the eye to know that it hurts, and I don’t need to watch these films to know that they’ll end just like the original series: no resolution, no closure, no catharsis, no satisfaction. The whole experience has left a bad taste in my mouth, and no amount of brushing will get it out. The only way these movies could be more insulting is if they consisted entirely of Hideaki Anno flipping off the audience with both hands, pausing occasionally to grab his crotch and sneer.

Actually, that would be less insulting.Themes:

TV & Movies

,

Sci-fi / Fantasy

~

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Wardog

at 12:26 on 2009-07-10Oh good God.

I don't know what to say. My knowledge of anime is pretty much restricted to shows in which princesses turn into ducks and do ballet (or is that the other way round). I guess we need to get Jen along here as she's the closest thing we have to an anime expert.

Shinji, naturally, takes action by masturbating over her comatose body and ejaculates into his hand.

Well ... at least he didn't do it over her unconscious body? Right?

I feel generally a bit ambivalent about a creator's attitude to fans. I mean, I don't think he's under obligation to be "nice" or, even, to provide a text that "satisfies" his fans - since what satisfies fans isn't necessarily the same as what's actually good. In fact, the more consciousness of fandom there is, the worse texts seem to get. Although this seems like a really confused amalgamation of fan service and fan contempt. Weird.

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Arthur B

at 13:23 on 2009-07-10I'm personally quite fond of

Evangelion

the series, at least the first 24 episodes. There is, as you point out, character development, gradual growing of a backbone on the part of Shinji and Rei, an interesting mystery revealed at a reasonable pace, and so on. I even like the way Episode 24 ended, with Shinji poised in a choice between killing a friend and letting the Angels get away with whatever it is they're trying to do, although to be fair I've only seen the expanded/tidied up version of the episode where they put in extra scenes and the last shot might not be so ridiculously long.

Then, as you point out, you have the different endings, neither of which fits what's gone before. I did enjoy

End of Evangelion

for the sheer trippy sadism of it all, but at the same time I couldn't really relate the characters we see in it to the characters from the TV show; there's this weird sort of inconsistency about it. Asuka is psychotic, Rei is even more autistic than she's ever been, and Shinji loses the balls he's been carefully growing over the course of the series; it's as if the TV show never happened. At a guess, I'd say the film is more about Anno's thoughts on the end of the series, and the experience of making the show, than it is about actually ending the story; the characters seem to be spoofing the fan conceptions of who they are rather than continuing the development shown throughout the series.

It's a fun ride, but it's fun partially because I think it's hilarious how Anno's trolled anime fans for years over this, and because I enjoy watching characters get raked over the coals and suffer for their most irritating personality traits. I'm interested in seeing the new movies because they're promising a proper ending this time, and even if they break that promise the results will probably be mad enough to be worth a look. I even think it makes sense to put Kaworu in from the beginning; the one thing I dislike about Episode 24 is that they insert Kaworu, have Shinji make friends with him really surprisingly quickly (exacerbating the homoerotic angle), and then have him betray everyone and have to get taken down. It would make far more sense if he were in it from the start. Even if the ending resembles David Lynch directing

Final Fantasy VII

again, I'd still watch it.

That said, my attitude to

Evangelion

probably stems from how I was introduced to it: at an SF all-nighter thrown by a local cinema, which incorporated a preview showing of

28 Days Later

(which is a

much

more effective movie if you go into it genuinely not knowing that it's a zombie film, as we did), hopped up on soda, watching

The Death of Evangelion

on the big screen. Watching 8 hours of TV series crammed into 90 minutes is hilarious, to the point where I could never take the show seriously after that.

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Rude Cyrus

at 19:51 on 2009-07-10

I mean, I don't think he's under obligation to be "nice" or, even, to provide a text that "satisfies" his fans

From what I've read, his fans are satisfied enough to try to unravel the mess he's made. I'm not asking him to be all happy-go-lucky, but his attitude comes off as spiteful.

I guess I'm just overreacting, but I still have an intense dislike for the man; he's my own JK Rowling.

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Wardog

at 22:38 on 2009-07-10He sounds like a worthy target of your bile :)

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Rude Cyrus

at 23:20 on 2009-07-10This may sound silly, but I still like the general idea behind the show and the characters (when they aren't being emo or one-note).

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Guy

at 04:42 on 2009-07-11I only watched a bit of Evangelion, but my impressions were coloured by the lengthy scenes displaying static scenery with loud cicada noises in the background. At first I thought they might be in there for atmospheric reasons I didn't quite understand, then decided they were in there for financial reasons (animation ain't cheap) and shortly thereafter gave up on the show. I love Miyazaki's films and would like to see more anime of that quality which isn't exclusively about plucky young heroines growing up and discovering their strength and independence... but I guess I'll take what I can get. :)

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Robinson L

at 18:00 on 2009-07-14I used to be a fan of

Dragon Ball Z

and

Sailor Moon

because for an early (and even not-so early) teenager, they seemed pretty cool. Then I noticed how stupid and repetitive they were and kinda lost interest.

At this point, I'm struggling to think of any Anime I know of that I actually think was any good. Well, the first season of

Digimon

, and at least one episode from the second. And Miyazaki's version of

Howl's Moving Castle

. And I suppose

Princess Monoke

, although it never particularly appealed to me.

Anyway, I've been hearing a lot about

Neon Genesis Evangelion

for a while, but nothing that's really excited me after the series. This review, I think, clinches my decision not to subject myself to it.

Personally, I tend to empathize with main characters even if most people dislike them. Apart from Mal, I can't think of any main characters I know of who I think I'd enjoy seeing put through that kind of torture. Maybe not even him.

I suspect that because much of the series and movie is inexplicable, the fans have deluded themselves into thinking this balderdash is somehow insightful.

This may be just me fishing for an excuse to pull out my own pet hate, but it seems to me from the description that an alternate or complementary explanations might be that

because it's so dark and depressing, fans (and critics) have deluded themselves into thinking this is somehow insightful.

This is a trend in popular entertainment I've noted and lamented for a couple years now.

Last night my younger sister and I were discussing the contemporary

Battlestar Gallactica

(of which I've seen a couple episodes, they've seen the first three seasons). At one point, one of them said that "if the character only lost about twenty pounds of emo they'd be all right."

While this may be true, I suspect it's the current vogue for death, despair, doom and gloom which made the 2004

Galactica

so popular. To take an even more contemporary example (and borrow a metaphor from my sister's upcoming review) witness Kirk's and Spock's and Nero's Inigo Montoya Syndrome in the latest

Star Trek

movie.

For a while,

House

did a pretty good job of balancing its angst, but it seems like circa Season Four the writers began seriously to crank it up. After the one-two-punch finale (Amber dies and right afterward Thirteen discovers she does indeed have Huntingdon's) I was asking "Geez, you think you could lay it on any thicker? Maybe find a way to reveal that Cameron really did contract HIV in Season Two after all?"

I've yet to see Season Five, but from what I've heard of the spoilers (don't read this if you haven't seen it and mind spoilers), Wilson is broken up over Amber's death for a long period of time, which means House is going to be even more miserable than usual; Cuddy goes through a whole lot of crap before finally getting a baby of her own, and that only when the mother ups and dies; and Kutner commits suicide/gets murdered/somehow ends up shot dead. What fun.

The new

Doctor Who

started out pretty emo, but it feels like Davies and the rest of the team take every possible opportunity to twist it in just that little bit more.

And being the Star Wars fan that I am, I have to say the stuff that the Expanded Universe went through during and especially after the prequels ... let's just say most of it is not pretty. Not in the slightest.

There's probably more, I just don't pay much attention to what's popular at the moment. Anyway, my point is that I suspect anything as depressing as

Evangelion

is by all accounts in the current tragedy-obsessed atmosphere is bound to be considered deep and meaningful and insightful and all that simply because it puts its characters through so much crap.

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Cressida

at 04:16 on 2009-11-18

I love Miyazaki's films and would like to see more anime of that quality which isn't exclusively about plucky young heroines growing up and discovering their strength and independence...

Guy:

Try

Porco Rosso!

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http://orionsnebula.blogspot.com/

at 23:05 on 2009-12-18

I suspect that because much of the series and movie is inexplicable, the fans have deluded themselves into thinking this balderdash is somehow insightful.

I think you're onto something here, but as someone who enjoyed Evangelion, let me propose a more charitable version of the psychology.

I'm a student of ethical philosophy and religious history at college, so I spend a lot of time thinking about the "deep" issues that fans will tell you Evangelion (, Donnie Darko, The matrix, ...) addresses--Destiny, choice, purpose, hope, knowledge, or whatever the hell.

Let me be clear and say up front that I don't think Evangelion makes a coherent statement about any of these issues. I'm not going to claim that you're "not getting it" if you don't see any "there" there, and I'm not saying that Hideaki Anno is some kind of visionary genius.

BUT

I'm a very visual, fictionalizing person. I do a lot of free association, and try on ideas by putting them in the mouths of imagined characters. Something like Evangelion is, for me, excellent raw material. It gives me a *context* to think about these issues. the incoherence of the actual show forces me to go to a lot of effort to try to figure out "what is this show trying to say?" and since that question is, I think, largely unanswerable, this also becomes an exploration of what *I* have to say.

Something similar happens because I write fiction. I'll eat up many stories--Evangelion, The Matrix, Harry Potter, even some of Star Wars--that have, in my opinion, glaring flaws, because they *make reference to* ideas I find interesting, even if they don't do them justice. Frequently, while watching the show even for the first time, my mind drifts to possibilities and alternate timeliness, with the result that I am actually watching a movie that exists only in my head, that (I like to think) *does* say something coherent. for this reason I consider Revenge of the Sith, for instance, to have been worth the price of the ticket even though it was (IMO) absolute shit, because by about a third of the way in I had stopped watching what's on the screen and started watching the movie *I* would have directed.

I mention this because before I became really conscious of what I was doing, I would frequently walk away with the impression that a movie was in fact "deep" when is fact it was just thought-provoking, and then only for people with preexisting interest in the issue who are prone to free association. I don't know how many people like me there are, but there's a strong tendency in all humans to assume that they're "normal," and that may be where some of the "you just don't get it" responses are coming from.

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http://luna-glass-wall.livejournal.com/

at 23:31 on 2010-10-12//I think I caught a few episodes of Gundam Wing, but the only thing I remember is how two of the characters confused the enemy by kissing.//

...What? o.O There's no kissing in Gundam Wing. There are barely any established romances.

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http://cammalot.livejournal.com/

at 19:02 on 2010-10-13That was Macross/Robotech. Similar giant-robot-thingies-piloted-by-superteens plot -- possibly the originator of the entire trope. The giant-size humanoid enemies of Earth didn't have sex to reproduce, or something, and so this display of humanity was too much for them and made them stop fighting. Until one or two of them discovered that they liked it.

Aw, that was my very first anime. I'm all verklempt now.

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Gamer_2k4 at 22:41 on 2010-10-13Neon Genesis Evangelion is actually my favorite anime series, but I think that's more because of the concept and because of what it did to me personally than anything else. I mean, I've taken a look at some of the episodes recently and they look OLD. A lot of the content is boring or unnecessary filler, the animation switches between "pretty alright" and "did they not pay you or something?", and overall, there's a lot not to like.

However.

I've had a very limited exposure to media (besides the some of the popular stuff), and NGE completely changed the way I looked at storytelling. I had never seen a character like Rei before, and I loved her. The idea that the mechs were actually giant feral humanoids barely restrained by their armor blew me away. The fact that the Hallelujah Chorus was played as an Angel mind-raped Asuka, and it WORKED, stunned me. The cast and plot are both remarkably tight; EVERYONE is involved, somehow. But finally, the thing that struck me the hardest, was the idea that a big giant robot action show DIDN'T HAVE TO HAVE A HAPPY ENDING.

Consider Asuka. She's this hotshot pilot, showing up a third of the way into the series reading to kick some butt. Her first appearance is quite dramatic as she handily and elegantly dispatches an Angel. However, her next victory requires the complete support of Shinji, and she barely plays a part from that point on. Battle after battle happens with this pilot, the one who was literally genetically engineered (in the manga, anyway) to be perfect, just failing with every attempt. Nothing goes right for her.

Rei's an interesting character, too. Generally you'd think the stoic, silent character would play the support role, ending up as the person the others always rely on. But she's not that great of a pilot! If memory serves, her Eva spends half the show out of commission, and in the other battles Rei plays a very minimal role. For as much popularity as she has among fans, you'd think that she had done a lot more in the series than she actually did.

And let's not forget Shinji. Here's a kid whose dad runs an organization that sends out giant robots to fight the bad guys, and HE gets a chance to be a pilot! In any other show, Shinji would've jumped in and started owning face for the rest of the series. But you know what? He acts like a kid could be reasonably expected to act: he's scared, and doesn't want to do it at all. But more than that, he wants love from his father, and realizes this might be his only chance to get that.

Right away it's clear that these aren't cookie-cutter stereotypes, but real characters with real problems. I personally found it refreshing that someone decided to make something where the good guys don't necessarily win. I was so familiar with "happily ever after" stories that I was shocked when this wasn't one of them. I like NGE, not because "true art is angsty," but because "holy balls, this is what a show can actually be like!"

Anyway, that's the anime series; let's get to End of Evangelion (you know, the subject matter of this article). It really did feel like some tacked-on supplement to the real thing. Furthermore, Shinji was infuriating, and the battle scene was just the opposite of what I'd come to expect from NGE: rather than an original conflict, it was just a beat-em-up royal rumble.

The second half of the movie left me in shock, and I went away from it thinking that was a good thing. I had never been exposed to the stream-of-conscious approach before, and I wasn't sure what to make of it. I think Anno was trying to convey just what Instrumentality (the merging of all souls and minds) would feel like, and it SEEMED like he did a good job. I didn't understand it, so I assumed it was beyond my understanding, so I assumed it was good. That's probably not the right mindset, though.

Oh. In the first scene, Shinji sneezed into his hand. He just didn't have a tissue. Never mind that you can't hear the sneeze. He's allergic to nudity. Yeah. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

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Melissa G.

at 22:53 on 2010-10-13*Shameless self plug alert!*

A certain Ferretbrainer debuted with her first article by

defending Evangelion

. It was written late at night and not researched (by which I mean I hadn't seen the series in a while) or proofread much, but an article in favor of Eva does exist on this site! ^_^

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Fin

at 19:02 on 2010-10-14Ooh, I remember reading that article a while ago. It made me really interested in checking Eva out, which given my general scepticism of animé is pretty cool. If I like it I'll have to remember to thank you. :D

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Melissa G.

at 19:29 on 2010-10-14

Ooh, I remember reading that article a while ago. It made me really interested in checking Eva out, which given my general scepticism of animé is pretty cool. If I like it I'll have to remember to thank you. :D

:-D

They are actually remaking the series as a bunch of movies. The first two (?) have come out already. I've only seen the first one, but I liked it a lot. I just don't know how much one would like them without having seen the series first. But the animation quality is way better so you could always try watching the first new movie (You are (not) alone, I think it's called) as a taste test type of thing.

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Gamer_2k4 at 22:51 on 2010-10-14I agree that the first movie was pretty much spot on. They left out the stuff that could be left out, played up the stuff that could be played up (most notably the battle against the third Angel), and everything just felt right. (My only complaint, actually, is that in the English dub, Rei is played by a new voice actor. I thought her old one was perfect, and it was a real shame for that voice to be missing.)

However, the second movie just seemed a little...off. It was darn COOL, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I was watching Evangelion without all the stuff that made Evangelion special. Maybe it was just that I was so familiar with the story that there wasn't quite that sense of wonder. You know, the sort of "sure it looks nice, but it's been done already" feeling. Yes, that's ridiculous, because the only reason it's been done before is that it's a freaking remake. I don't know.

Perhaps the thing that really did it was all the seemingly unnecessary changes they made. New pilot, changed surnames, different (and missing) Angels, a LOT of new scenes...It's possible I just felt that the makers were trying to do more and ended up with less.

Anyway, Melissa, you should still check out Rebuild 2. Remember when they had to catch that falling Angel? The weirdly shaped flat brown one with all the eyes? IT'S FREAKING AMAZING IN REBUILD 2. Like I said, the movie is still very, very cool, and the ending actually has traces of EoE in it. It's nuts. Watch it.

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Melissa G.

at 05:06 on 2010-10-15I definitely want to see the second remake movie, I've just been lazy and haven't gotten around to it. I saw the first one in theaters in Japan because I happened to be living there when it came out. Seeing it on the big screen was something special. ^^

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TheMerryMustelid

at 18:37 on 2012-04-21I am a terrible animation snob. When it comes to anime, there isn't much I like outside of Miyazaki, save the studio that did

Tokyo Godfathers

.

What puts me off most anime is it's obsession with mecha, robot girls, and post apocolyptic premises. Yes, Miyazaki sounds the environmental apocalypse gong in practically all of his films, but at least he puts Nature above the usual anime love affair with all things machine and keeps the damn robots to a minimum. How I hate this obsession with the ensouled machine.

On the American side, that includes

Transformers

up to

Wall-E

. I just find it sad that the idea of emoting robots is considered more 'cool' or even more

realistic

than emoting animals.

Say what?!

So teens 'outgrow' cartoons with talking animals while anything with a chrome surface is just friggin' AHW-some, man.

(what's that? what's that I hear in the background? Is it my axe grinding? Why yes, it is!)

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http://kitsune9tailed.livejournal.com/

at 02:57 on 2015-07-28@TheMerryMustelid

Unfortunately, it sounds like you have had a very slim experience with anime and are using it to make a blanket assumption of the whole medium. Remember, animation is just a storytelling method, it's not a story in and of itself. Mecha and machine anime are actually a very small slice of the whole. Unfortunately, this is the slice that is made especially for 6-12 year old boys, and as such, is the primary genre exported to the US (since the American public feels cartoons are generally only for young boys, they freak out over any anime that doesn't settle nicely into that demographic).

But, you can still seek out other genres. You've already seen Miyazaki (almost a genre in and of itself), but you have high-school romance, film noir action/mystery, artsy (you might like Paprika if you haven't seen already, it's from the same studio as Tokyo Godfathers), magical girl, drama, slice-of-life, comedy, etc.

So, I'd definitely sample the waters a bit and find anime in a genre more to your tastes before swearing off altogether :)

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Orion

at 08:03 on 2015-07-28I think you've been mislead by the headline, which really should be "one man's burning hatred for an anime." It's pretty clear from the text that he likes a decent amount of anime and is open to more.

[myp0wer]

gonna expose u one day u piece of shit

gonna tell everyone about how you used to constantly ask for sex even after i said no. Gonna talk about that terrible day you wouldn’t stop asking me to make u cum that I just had u put it in while I lay there emotionless. Gonna talk about how the only time you ever stopped yourself from continuing to pressure me was because I started crying. Gonna tell everyone how u picked me off of a xan and the only reason I remember having sex is because of the videos you took of me that day drugged out. The only reason I even took that pill was bc I was so broken from the abuse I just wanted to be numb. The way you continuously touched me in areas I told you more than once I didn’t wanna be touched in, especially in public. You’re a pig. I have actual video of me telling you to please stop touching my breast and instead of listening like a normal person, you proceed to grab my breast harder and then punch it. You touched me as much as you possibly could and I hated it so much. I told u I didn’t like that and you responded with “it’s just muscle memory”. You’re disgusting.

Gonna tell everyone how you used to degrade me, how you used to yell at me, how you used to corner me. How you used to literally rip all my personal belongings out of my hands and kept them away from me so you wouldn’t leave. How you would lock me inside a room. I would have to start throwing things around in order to keep any sort of control. The way you would hold me down till I would stop fighting. How you would send me into panic attacks almost everyday. How you would keep me in the car, yelling at me, and refuse to drop me off home if I asked you to or refuse to leave my car if I was driving. I used to hate when you would pick me bc I always told you “you never let me go home” but you never just took no for an answer. You used to promise me you would take me home when I said so but never kept that promise. I’m gonna tell everyone how controlling you were, how you wanted my iCloud of years backed up to ur computer, how you wanted to watch my every move, how I felt forced to record myself sleeping or else I had to deal with you being a little abusive bitch. Gonna tell everyone how u used to threaten me, how you used to threaten to hurt anyone I loved or cared about, how you claimed u could get me jumped, how you claimed you could get my friend’s boyfriends hurt. I’m gonna tell everyone over the constant harassment I faced even after I finally left. The constant no caller ID calls that called me over 30 times in one hour. I have over 18 burner phone numbers blocked that he would contact me from. The fake Instagram accounts that I had to block or he would continue to contact me. I had to go off social media just to end this. The not feeling comfortable in my own home bc you just had to come by and leave things off near my home or near my car. And don’t even get me started on what you saw when u logged into my sc account. You’re cruel and vile for witnessing that and then continuing to tell me I don’t deserve anything. That night where you were literally yelling at me and pushing me down to the point where I finally snapped and slapped you across the face bc I had to fucking defend myself.

All of my “abusive” reactions were a response to you. A response to ur abuse. Ur a sick individual. You’re a manipulator, an abuser, a woman hater, a rapist. You’re a fucking rapist. Scum of the earth.

I thank a God I never accepted any money from u or asked you for anything because I know you definitely would have used that against me.

I didn’t love you. I never did. I couldn’t even stand to be around you. I was with you only cause I was so scared of you. I hated every minute I was ever with you. Although it was wrong of me, I hoped you went to jail bc that was the only way I thought I was gonna be free. You stripped me of absolutely everything I ever knew as a person. You broke and abused me in every way you possibly could.

I hope you’re actually getting the help you so desperately need. This is my story. This is my trauma. Whether it is chosen to be believed or not I do not care. I don’t write this for pity or to be relatable. I write this as a step I’m taking for myself, to take all my power that was once stripped away from me. I’m not scared of you, and I will never fear you or any man again.

I have evidence against you, I have a case against you. If you ever come near me or anyone I love I won’t hesitate to do something about it. I didn’t name you nor identify u in any shape way or form so leave me the fuck alone.

Go to hell sicko.

[your-fantasy-alive]

Divide-Pt1

(Blonde haired Jin for this story. Ignore the Mic please.)

“Hey, cuckoo, get up, its lunch time”

“My name is Jin” I say, sitting up, walking to my cell door and sticking my hands through the slots, allowing him to put cuffs on my wrist.

“Right cuckoo, let’s go.” He then says as he opens the squeaky jail cell door pulling me by my arms, slowly guiding me down the stairs till we finally reach the landing with the other inmates. Apparently, I can’t be around anyone else because they think I’d kill them or something.

If I wanted to kill them, I would’ve by now

“You know, birds are very beautiful. The cuckoo bird especially with their very unique sound.”

“YOU PSYCHO MOTHERFUCKER”

“YOU DESERVED TO DIE NOT GO TO JAIL’

“WHEN THEY LET ME OUT OF THIS CELL, YOU’RE DYING”

“Wow, they are all kind of loud don’t you think?” I say, as I look along the rows of inmates. 

I’m searching for a specific person, the one who threatened me. Once we make eye contact, I smirk.

“Don’t you smirk at me you crazy motherfucker. Just wait till I get out.” He said, trying to reach out and grab me. I stop right in front of his cell, causing the guard to stop with me.

“Hey cuckoo, we gotta go. No stopping.” He says, trying to pull me along. I elbow him in the stomach, making him crouch and hold his stomach, letting my arms go. I then slowly walk right up to the cell with my new friend in it.

“What’s your name friend?” I asked, gazing at his face, seeing the scar in his left eyebrow, the mole under his bottom lip, the horrible haircut.

“You don’t need to know my name, all you need to know is my face. “

“Why is that?” I ask, tilting my head to the side, gazing into his dirty brown eyes.

“Because this is the last face you’re going to see before you die” he says, sneering at me.

I could feel the blood boiling under my skin by the threat thrown at me. How dare this piece of shit threaten me? I then walk all the way till I’m nose to nose with him, my hands holding the bars in a  grip, wishing it was his throat.

“What way is that to talk to someone. I’d really hate to see something happen to you in here.” I say, lowly. I gaze back to see my guard starting to stand back on his feet and make his way towards me.

“You’re dying in here” he says back, and spits in my face.

I raise my hands and wipe the spit from my face, feeling such anger that I haven’t felt since I last killed someone. I could feel it swallowing me whole, but I can’t let it, I have plans for him.

“I just might die in here but not before you do.” I say, and I feel the guard drag me back. I then start laughing. “By the way, my name is Jin. Remember that name. It’s the last name you’ll plead to. Mark my words, I have a lot more fun when I have someone who thinks they can win. Lets play” I say, laughing at the fear I see leaking into those nasty eyes. Oh how I wish they were gazing blindingly, no warmth at all.

“This is the last warning for you cuckoo, you do anything else and you’re going in the hole.” My guard says as he grabs my arm with one hand and the back of my neck with the other, dragging me away from new friend.

“You have one more time to call me cuckoo and I’ll stick that bat so far up your ass that’s all you’ll be screaming. One more time” I leer at him making him grip my neck harder and push me through the doorways, towards the cafeteria. Once inside, he grabs my hands and unlocks the handcuffs.

“Don’t do anything stupid Cuc- Jin” he corrects himself at the end. He then walks away and stand on the furthest wall with the other guards that are on lunch duty.

I rub my wrist as I make my way into the line. I grab the ugly orange tray and a plastic fork. I then go and stand behind a guy who looks to be about a head shorter than me. He has the greasiest black hair that I’ve ever seen. Slowly the line starts to move and I can make out what there is for lunch. It’s… mystery meat... and broccoli, with a orange and some water.

“Great cuisine we have here” I say out loud, staring at the bubbling…meat?

As I slowly make my way through this line, I hear people whispering about me from all ends of the room. Its crazy how you could kill a couple people and then all of a sudden become a house hold name.

Is this considered a household?

I then feel someone tap my shoulder to bring me back from zoning out. It was greasy haired dude.

“She asked if you wanted an extra orange.” He says, pointing to the older lunch woman.

“Oh, actually yes please, do you have salt as well?” I ask her, trying to complete my dining tray.

“Salt? You actually think that a jail is gonna have salt for you all? Who the hell do you think you are? No wonder your crazy ass is in here.” Said the lady, then she walks away from her post to the back of the kitchen.

“You could’ve just said no” I say, pouting by how rude she was to me.

“You of all people are pouting in jail? Never thought I’d see the day.” Says, greasy hair boy.

“What’s wrong with pouting, it’s a normal thing to do, am I wrong?” I asked, as our line starts to move

“Not from a serial killer it isn’t’”

“I’m still a person,” I exclaim, gripping my tray

“A person who kills people….. for fun. Yay for humanity.” He says, slowly walking away from me, to find a seat in the overly crowded jail.

I then get out of line, and look for myself a seat, somewhere far away from all these annoying people.

I find a seat in the very back, by the locked window and stair case that leads back to our cells. I slowly start to eat and gaze out the window, wondering where all my time has gone.

“It seems to me that we have another crazy person on our hands. Hey cuckoo, what’s ya name?” some nasty burly guy as, as he makes his way to my table, pulling me out of my reverie.

“I’m sorry, what?” I asked.

“I asked for you name cuckoo. Do you not understand English now?” he asked loudly, catching the attention of in mates that were the closest to us.

“Well if you must know, my name is Jin. I’m surprised that you don’t know it.”  I say, blinking up at him.

“Do you think you’re famous now cuckoo?” he asked, making my eye twitch.

“You know, I really hate that word uh….. What is your name again, I didn’t catch that.” I say, sizing him up finally.

I wonder how much it’ll take to kill him with a lunch tray, he looks small maybe if I..

“You didn’t catch it because I never said it cuckoo.” He said, making me realize that he was actually holding a conversation with me.

“ I told you that I don’t like that name yet you still call me that. “

“Maybe its because I don’t care about you or what you say. I just wanna know the little twink that I’ll be fucking tonight”

“Ill cut off your dick and shove it up your ass if you think that’s happening” I say, my voice becoming low and hard.

“Oh really?” he says, slowly inching up to me and my table where I was enjoying my beautiful view.

“I don’t think you want that now do you? Id rather not make you just like every other victim I’ve had. I’m trying to be a good boy from now on but don’t test me. I’ll make you swallow your shit, figuratively and literally. Don’t”

I then see greasy hair dude walk up and place his hand on shittymouth’s shoulder.

“Hey, there is no need to be trying to dominate people around here right, I’m sure one of your hoes will gladly take you right?” He says, distracting shitty mouth.

While he is distracted I slowly break my plastic spoon and rub it against the table, until I get a nice sharp point.

“I don’t want my hoes, I want him. Ill get him either way.” He says, turning back around to face me.  

“ I don’t think you want that” Greasy says, trying to pull him away.

“I want him, and Ill have him, Isn’t that right cuckoo”

Once I heard that word once more I saw red. My arm swung out and cut his wrist and then I stabbed the fork straight down into his left had and grabbed him by his collar, getting us nose to nose. Before he could scream, greasy covers his mouth with his hands, making it seem like he had his arm around his shoulder while we talk.

“I can kill you in a thousand different ways and I can make sure you’re alive until I want you dead. I have time to waste and I can add you on the long list of people who I’ve taken off the earth with no regrets. I could make you MY bitch if we want to get technical. So, I repeat, don’t. Are we clear, nod if you understand me” I say, as I slowly grind the spoon in his hand.  

He nods his head quickly while tears run down his face

“What type of rapist cries from pain? Don’t you realize that you cause this to your victims? Or can you not take what you dish out? I hate those type of criminals.” I say, yanking my spoon out of his hand.

He then grabs his hand and stumble away to his little posse in the back while greasy sits across from me at my table. I slowly take my seat, thinking that he was gonna send someone to retaliate but didn’t

“Bitch”

“Hey, Jin, I’m not sure you’re being a ‘good boy’ by fucking his hand up. He probably wont ever be able to jack off now” Greasy says, trying to lighten up my mood,

“Hey, seriously though, calm down. The guards are eyeing us right now.”

“I know, that doesn’t make me feel any different. I want to kill them too” I say, as I finally gaze at him in his eyes.

“See, maybe we need to teach you how to push those feelings aside, it’s not healthy.”

“Are you trying to joke about my urges? I could easily kill you too….whats your name?”

“Jimin.”

“well Jimin, my time out is up. I’ll see you the next time I’m out for lunch or something” I say, as I see my guard heading my way.

“Does this make us friends?” He asked, with glassy eyes.

“ No, It makes you a potential victim.” I say, smirking down at him, hoping he caught my joke.

“Oh, look who makes jokes now…..that was a joke right?” he says, getting nervous.

I stand up as my guard grabs my arms and cuff me.

“You tell me” I says as I get pulled away.

“Im hoping that was a joke. Im too young to die.”

“That’s what they all say”I mutter as I make my way back towards my cell. I pass the same group of people as I did on my way but this time, they’re all silent as I make my way to the top floor , my cell. The only cell on the floor.

I go in and turn, letting him take the cuffs off of my wrists.

“Lights out” he says, then turns to go back to the normal floors.

I make my way over to my cot and lay down. It’s just now dawning on me that I’m spending the rest of my life in here. Its crazy how you could kill a few people and people think you’re so horrible. I killed the rapists, the pedophiles, the worst people on the Earth for the good of the Earth. How come the government does the same things that I do but I get in trouble for it. They say that they are doing the right thing, but so am I. I have saved people from molestation and abuse yet I’m the bad one. I help people’s lives.

I stare up at the ceiling and slowly start to recite my favorite quote.

“I am the punishment of god…if you had not committed great sins, God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you.”

I look at the four walls as I slowly fall asleep in my cell that night.

 “This is only the beginning”

I didn’t realize how right i was.

[amarscollyon]

I once felt deep empathy for those who were hurt by elitist evils in the past. But seeing the racist fucking pathetic weak willed cowardly morons becoming just as hateful as the rapists their ancestors were victims to is sickening.

What was done to them was unfair and a disgrace but the spirit that is hurt like that becomes a slave in the afterlife and arrogant little entitled twerps are too fucking piss poor educated by the system that abuses us ALL to even begin to see how the same system is turning them into the exact same detestable rapist monsters who hurt their ancestors, deserve nothing but extreme contempt and to be cursed with all any good soul has.

You don’t own fuck all. Culture and skin colour mean fuck all. This entire earth is home to us all and we are all related - sad to say looking at most of you deluded little farts for people all hot air and worthless angry ego being manipulated like the brain dead indoctrinated puppets you were meant to be! No spirit at all would ever ban or block or censure ANY practice that a decent well intentioned soul used for the right reasons regardless of their skin colour, heritage or background, let alone also try to say they’re not allowed to speak about it! You’re that fucking shit scared and dominating and unkind eh?

I think you will find, you stupid little shitfish, that a genuine heart that fights for the whole and recognises that all life is kin, is permitted to do anything they want to and as long as it harms no one then no one is actually allowed to utter a word about it.

So instead of being a cowardly selfish idiotic puppet bigot dominating and abusing the whole world and every good soul in it and it’s future for your pathetic pride, your insecure ego, your feeling of anonymous weakness and your general lack of any worthy aim heart goal or even single thought, why don’t you actually shut the fuck up and try asking your ancestors what they think about you!

Because here’s the kicker, maggot brain turd gobbler- every abusive skid mark on the underpants of this world of you I stand as the sun itself and place the heaviest curse on you. For every delinquent piece of racism, elitism and illegal domination of others will that you cowardly attempt to foist will be met with seven times the hate in return and if you still don’t learn may your genitals rot and drop off.

When you have been told you’re a worthless cunt and you have it proven, and you continue to be a worthless cunt, may you get fucked and burn in hell for it. Me, the gods, your ancestors, every decent human being from now to the end of time and most of the creatures on this planet - not a one of us will give a damn for a selfish deluded valueless crippled puppet ego like you.

Once more in case you missed it - anyone is free to do anything they please and you’re not allowed to say a damn about it because no one is being hurt and it’s all about the intent, and no spirit of worth will care at all - it is you alone because you’re so weak and ineffectual you resort to bullying innocent people carrying shame they shouldn’t and simply continuing a cycle of hatred for nothing - and so fuck off and die.

Kind regards. Tell the devil I’m coming for him whilst he rapes you like the smelly ugly bitch you are.

[jmicdyke]

****WEDNESDAY FREE SONG #283****

“Thanks Taking VI: Stay Home Edition”

11/25/2020

What a year folks. What a holiday season. ‘Home for the holidays’ this year means wherever you stay is your home. Not the home in which you grew up in, for that is probably where the old people that raised you stay and they are more susceptible (unless you’re the president with his socialized medical care) to the-virus-who-shall-not-be-named. 

But some people say “fuck it”. And why not. It’s difficult to wrap one’s head around an invisible creeper that kills more people than our minds can understand. And it’s not like we’re nurses or doctors dealing with the reality of it all. We just hear about it. We might see something on the news or social media but we’re not inundated non-stop with the horrific, the unthinkable, the madness. 

And maybe we haven’t even lost anybody we care about. Seems like it’s not that big a deal. I mean they’re mostly old folks on the way out, right? There are no people dealing with long-term problems from this heretofore unknown disease. At least nobody I know. If it’s not happening to me and mine then it doesn’t really exist…I think. That’s the kind of stuff I see or hear about happening in Africa. Those poor skinny black children with flies flying around their distended bellies and emaciated limbs. So far away…how can I relate?

Well here’s what I do in that situation:

Since I’m not personally doing anything about the pandemic, I listen to the people that are in the shit. In the thick of it all. Scientists studying. Nurses nursing. Doctors doctoring. People experiencing. Victims hurting. I know from experience that other people’s experiences can be communicated, to me, through language. Stories. Things that happened to them. I don’t give much credit to people blustering about how a deadly virus is inconvenient for them. How wearing a little piece of cloth over their mouth is encroaching on their freedom or killing them. That kinda sounds like baby talk to me.

And I get it! Virtually none of us living have ever experienced a pandemic of this magnitude. It’s new to me! But I’m pretty sure I’ve read somewhere that humans are pretty good at adapting to situations. If a bunch of underage kids can get used to living in some fuckhead kidnapper’s basement for years, I’m pretty sure we can keep our distance from each other and wash our hands and put a little cloth over our mouths (and noses, I know half the people who wear masks like to poke that little bugger out but it’s kind of a big deal what with the breathing holes in it).

Of course, I’m not perfect and I believe the science and the danger. As this year rockets to the future I’ve let my guard down at times. I’ll find myself getting too close to other people. Hell, I work in a kitchen where it’s impossible to social distance to standards. But it’s not necessarily best to think about yourself right now. It’s all about others. And I know for the last 4 years we’ve been told to fear, or more correctly HATE, the ‘other’. Anyone who isn’t ‘us’ is a criminal thieving rapist murderer pedophile. Well then why are we welcoming this coronavirus to feed on us so willingly. It’s not one of us is it? Why are we equating not wearing masks to the burning of bras in the ’60s? Free the face! I mean, this is America and we love killing…

Oh no, I think I’ve written myself into a never-ending cycle of hypocrisy and murder-porn. 

If you’ve made it this far, I guess all I’m saying is don’t kill Gramma for Thanksgiving. We don’t want to have to rename it Covidsgiving or Deathsgiving although I would watch both of those movies because I’m all about morbidity when it’s fictional.

Stay safe and much love to everybody, friends and family and colleagues and strangers and that-hard-of-hearing-homeless-guy-I-wave-to-outside-of-work. We’re all hurtling through an endless space on this tiny oblate spheroid, called Earth, together. Let’s make it work!

[twistedesire]

How a Heart Can Shatter

Once upon a time I fell in love With a man i deemed "The one" He was shy and sweet And awkward Just like me I trusted him very much For he was no ordinary man to me He was my first love And now, i fear, my last All i knew of men Was endowed to me by him He was a liar A deceiver And still i endured through many red flags He blocked doorways Stole away my ability to cry for help Trap me in ways with words That made my emotions my very prison I prayed i was not the only one The only girl he hurt But the further i searched the more i realized I'm alone And forever i'll remain as such You see, i'll never fall in love again Who would want a rapist pedophiles trash Who would shoulder my burdens he left me in No one You see I loved a man who admitted to me after 8 years he was looking at children sexually Delving into the confines of his own mind As to why a man would touch him as a boy I thought i could save him Figured time and space would save us from ourselves Instead it drew the poisoned blade of betrayal further into my chest And i'm the barer of the hilt I thought that if we ran off together Like a magical love story Away from the judgement Away from the hate But i could never run from myself The scars on my heart do fester still Every time i gaze upon his pictures They swell up with the deceitful infection he truly is He moved on so fast 8 years Less than a week it took for him to move on And the more i knew of his inability to control himself The more i waited in silence I waited for my friends For any family that truly cared Liar Shit novel apologist Cyber bully Bitch Rude Pity Party Finger pointer I own my lumps The pills do swell in my throat now And i can't comprehend to communicate any further Because how can one speak when all she hears is a cold deadly silence Filled with the echoes of loved ones a girl would die for Only to know that my love cannot be returned How all i needed was a simply hug A gesture of kindness A form of attention to at least show that i know i hurt But i have done what it took to be better Isn't that how justice works? I do wrong I apologize meaningfully Show the change with actions alone Only to see that even though i am human And i make mistakes That i am not allowed to act upon my emotions Dont feel sad Dont get angry Im not feeling anything friend I am nothing... I do not ask for pity I do not ask for sympathy I plead and grovel and beg for your ability to just read my words Know my pain is real And i plead Upon the line that is my life That you belief the words i am about to say Joseph Bass Once a man i loved with all my heart and soul You raped me You cheated on me You lied to me so so so much You robbed me You hurt me You drugged me And now all i can simply say is Thank you Thank you for being the final nail in the coffer I don't need your attention anymore I dont need anyone Or thing I dont need to exist I now can leave this plane of existence Knowing there is worse things in life Than simply death itself That although i drown in my emotions tonight And maybe even more inside my mind And maybe drown physically too I let you go Finally i let you go in my soul I burned your name on a piece of parchment paper With all the reasons i couldn't forgive you And i burned my hand in return I drowned you out of my head When i tried to breathe aquatic air And as i lay sputtering out The liquid that i desperately tried to replace in my lungs From the screams of internal pain of your betrayal I realized I could lay here and die And no one would come save me No one cared.... That the only way a person who truly cared were to know my name anymore Was in a report in a social media group I do not hold a bitter heart I do not speak in spite In fact tears do stream from my eyes tonight As i pick at the few pieces of what hope in humanity i had left The fact that i was even alive I do not comprehend I kept imagining it inside my mind Almost with an empty smile That you never loved me All the times you grabbed me And begged me "please dont cheat on me" As i simply left to lose the weight you complained Got in the way of your fantasies of what you dreamed a woman for you could be You made me feel like if i didn't learn Didn't flourish Didn't grow That i was the perfect one for you In proving in doing nothing Living dead inside That i was proving to you my loyalties As a faithful and honest woman You broke me in ways i wish i could consume cyanide upon And although i do not blame a soul for my pain I give recognition i hurt too That i am human And i feel pain too That empathy is a curse More than a gift And i may make it worse By falling further into darkness That one day i'll see you Face to face And i'll look you in those eyes i compared to "Eyes of a warrior of earth and fire" Only to speak from mine  of "I wish i died before i met you" Because my heart has been broken For the first and last time i'll ever permit it And although i was just a token For you to just simply keep I want you to know You broke the true light in me 8 years And i was the other girl You lusted for a youthful girl Children were not innocent anymore Neither am i Virginity was never my chastity belt My ability to pretend i did not know My ability to act as if their is no evil That my super powers to love beyond all my being Were taken from me in ways that help the dirt upon my coffin splatter harder And when you let me down one last time Please i beg of you Do not leave a rose A letter of love Do not come to see my body that i mutilated Because i wanted to prove to myself That i can only hurt me now That i screamed "i loved you" inside my mind Only to know the words that were spoken upon my lips Were those of all that hurt me in my heart Broke me till i became heartless That you had no respect for even your new mistress And that's what helped me move on And when the day comes If i make it to that day I wanted you to know Thank you anyways For the bloodied sheets The vericrose veins The inability To truly help me The lies you instilled into my drug addled brain And the fact you killed the my inner child that was my last line to be sane And as i lose myself To a darkness i may no return I hope you know that, yes I secretly wanted you to spurn My anger internalized Into bruises upon my own arms and face I can scratch myself till i bleed now And bite till a mere tattoo And all i ask of as a final wish upon my death My love for you Was it worth all this Lying so much that you tainted an already shattered heart That when you deceived me The true betrayal was that i finally felt whole Only to see that it was all an illusion That all i am to you was a concubine to satisfy your affections And when i simply asked in return was for your protection That you too cast me away in ways and words That broke me I finally learned to hurt me by choking myself till i cant see And when i sputter for air and i cry and internally scream I know that i am in a darkness so black That shadows have come for to take my soul back Take me away to another world Take me away from here Take me away from the pain So i dont feel again That when you finally feel any emotion That deems you human Such as true sadness and pain I want to ask you "Does it hurt? Do you want the pain to stop?" Because when i begged you the same You simply replied "No, it feels good" That the moment i came to the realization That my pain had brought you pleasure I realized In the pit of my stomach You did not love me And that to me was rape That as i asked and state "owe stop it hurt" and you replied with your cold cruel callous words I broke off inside my mind To a land of the divine That god needs me now And i dont belong here anymore That apparently it took me to be raped to grow And i dont want to be here In a world of such cruelty Because even as the tears trickle to puddles at my feet I'd rather simply end me So i dont have to ever be seen I tried to do better But i stood up for myself I thought i was finally being brave Instead i was hurting loved ones Without even trying And my anger burned Because it felt like that that was all i was to others A friendly face A giving soul A generous person a smile to ensure your happiness And when you ended it with words such as "i love you as a friend" i knew you did not care any more That you were held back by people who i did not love you either That inside my mind All i can remember is your smiling face And now Every smile is a lie Every human who wants to interact wants something And every face that once meant so much Is now the reason i don't long for another human touch That i lay awake at night Thinking of the things you did to me And how it violates my being And i wish a thousand ways to die to simply end me And tears sting upon my skin And they burn inside my eyes And i am now i realize i the 8th sin One that burns with an endless fire One of immortal pain A twisted desire All it took was one To break a damsel to be a dragon And when you run to another Or get rejected time and time again Remember the woman who filled your fridge Who cleaned your laundry properly Who scrubbed your dishes spic and span Who folded your underwear that special way you like Who rubbed your feet and massaged your back Who helped you up when you could no longer bend straight Who directed you when you were lost Who gave her everything to be your other half Only for her to realize that i was 100% of the connection And all i asked for was my 50% of your simple affection And as my eyes watered up Asking in a voice that croaked "i think i want to die" When you ignored me I just simply broke When you shielded yourself with others While i knew i had no one And all i can think of is of my own mother And how i had to disown Because she is older now And her task is done She raised a woman And i have my own beautiful home That may end as a tomb But i love you mother Friends and family I was just trying to stick up for me And blew up in rage And i apologize for being greedy All i wanted was your affection I know it was very needy I cut out my gluttonous addictions And im sorry i was so prideful Pompous upon my beleif That i did nothing wrong For how you all reacted to me And now i see it and the pain does burn That if i finally quit Its only me i spurn That im so alone that im already dead inside And now im trapped in my home And i feel nothing Even if i am alive That i could be a ghost Wandering around an already empty apartment And what hurts the most Is would anybody even notice?

[sitaaronkepaar]

  Daily Rikara Ramblings

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKKKKK!!! NO KC CONTINUATION!!??? WHAT IN THE FUCKING FUCK!!*flips several tables*

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

What? you thought i was kidding? grow up.🙄🙄🙄🙄

But why the fuck would you end Rikara on a cliffhanger and not show what happens next??! Just ….I don’t even know what to say except what the fuck. God, I hate this stupid disappointing show. Unlike Gauri, it doesn’t deserve the benefit of the doubt. I can’t believe I keep defending this shit time and again, and yet, it keeps disappointing me every.single.time. I’m a fucking idiot is2g. 😡😡😡😡

I guess I should just be glad Gauri got a new suit that’s 😡not a tent? Fuck this show. Ugh. (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

Lol @ these Kaali t-shirt wale. 😂😂😂😂😂

Hain? Richa ki shaadi Gauri k ghar se kyu ho rahi hai? Doesn’t she have her own home?🤔🤔🤔🤔

Lol @this extra as fuck fucker. Har jagah tadi se entry maarta hai, chahe phir apna ghar ho, ya kisi aur ka 😂 😂😂😂😂😂

Kunal’s looking kinda cute as a Sardaar😍😍😍

Hahaha BadassRi 💝💝💝💝

Awww Omkara ka khoon khaul uth raha hai.😏😏😏

Ugh, this kali t-shirt wala dude is so creepy. 😓😓😓

“o ji ek mint, gal karne do na”

Dilpreet, your Omkara is showing 😂😂😂😂😂

Wtf is Gauri’s mom though? Kisi se bhi paise bhi le legi?😐😐😐

Oh god, this Singh is king shit is annoying but funny lmaoo.  😂😂😂😂😂

Hahaha, Gauri Omkara ki class ke rahi hai. Lmaoo 😂😂😂

God, Omkara is such a bad liar, lmao. He’s gonna get caught soon 😂

Gauri’s face!!! 😂😂😂😂😂 She’s like yeh kaun mental piece hai??? 😂?

Awwww, shit! Gauri shut him down. Is bichare ko ek din me hi mehnat karni pad rahi hai. Aur kitne din chalayega yeh jhooth? He’s going to lose it in a week! Ab pata chala Gauri jo kitni mehnat karni padi to fool you?! Maybe now he’ll appreciate Chulbul more. Imao.

Omg imagine Rikara bonding over their Chulbul-Dilpreet lies and discussing how easy hard it was to fool each other 😂😂😂😂

Awww Richa bringing in the big guns aka Shankarji. Gauri be like shankarji ne last time jisko bheja tha uski wajah se hi toh life itni jhand ho gayi hai.

My god, rudra is such a fucking asshole. Go die in a ditch you sicko.😡😡😡

No, bhavya, don’t control yourself. Kick his ass.（╯°□°）╯︵( .o.) （╯°□°）╯︵( .o.)  （╯°□°）╯︵( .o.)

God, he’s giving me so much michmichi, I might reach into my laptop and strangle him myself. GO DIE YOU FUCKERRRRR!!!  😡🔫🔫🔫🔫

I’m ffwding. I can’t watch queen’s humiliation. 😭

Moving on to Omkara, who for once is not being an utter abomination.

“Kal ki tarah sofe pe so sakte hai?”

GAURI WTF!!! WHY WOULD YOU ALLOW AN UTTER STRANGER TO SPEND A NIGHT AT YOUR HOME??!! HE COULD BE A RAPIST OR A KILLER FOR GODSSAKE. OMG QUEENIE, I DID NOT EXPECT THIS DUMBFUCKERY FROM YOU!! 😧😧😧😧😧

Matlab maana queenie acche acchon ko pachad deti hai, but this is a bit much. What about basic common sense, Gauri?😒😒

Omkara’s like wtf? Bathroom bahar hai and paani 2 hi ghante aata hai? Wtfffff. WHAT ABOUT MY BEAUTY ROUTINE GAURI? THESE BEAUTIFUL LOCKS DON’T TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES ON THEIR OWN!! MEHNAT KARNI PADTI HAI. I NEED AT LEAST 1 HOUR TO CONDITION MY HAIR. LIFE AIN’T FAIR, IT IS NOT! 😭😭😭😭😭

Gauri’s so serious lmaooo. She’s not giving him an inch. baahahhahhahahhahahah. Keep trying you fucker!!😂😂😂😂

Hahaha, she shot him down. Ofc tumhe yaad nahi karna chahti asshole.🙄 🙄🙄

Ugh, no his teary eyes kill me 😭😭😭

Fucker singh oberoi is back. Imma skip.🙄🙄🙄

Omg he took bribe in mithai ka dabba. She gon figure it out?😟😟😟

I thought Bhavya was just suspended? She’s actual me fired kya?

“Niche dekho.”

OH.NO.YOU.DIDN’T. GOD SOMEONE HOLD ME BACK IMMA KILL THIS FUCKER. DIE BITCH DIE!  ̿'̿’\̵͇̿̿\з=( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)=ε/̵͇̿̿/‘̿̿ ̿ ̿ ̿   ̿ ̿̿'̿’\̵͇̿̿\з=( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿   ̿  ̿'̿’\̵͇̿̿\з=( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿    ̿'̿’\̵͇̿̿\з=( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿

HAHAHA, Yes BHAVYA TELL HIM OFF. ISKI NAUKRI KO KYA, ISKO HI LAAT MAAR DE.

I HATE RUDRA SO MUCH, YOU GUYS. HE’S EVEN WORSE THAN VOLDEMORT.😡😡😡😡

Voldemort never saw any love in his life, he was so fucked up, but Rudra doesn’t even have that excuse. He was raised by two loving brothers and his daadi. Spoilt brat is one thing, but this utter inhumane behaviour is something else. Gosh, He has no excuse to act like this. I’m raging so hard rn. 😡😡😡😡😡

Ugh, Thank God, Omkara is here. Imma stare at his beautiful face and try to calm down. 😅😅😅😅

“paani do ghante, macchar 24 ghante”

Lmaooo. Aur papad bel asshole.😂😂😂😂

Omg lol. I thought, Gauri said itna zyada khana, and her mom was like jo ghar me tha woh bana diya. Lmaoooo.

I was like wtf, mana ki guest hai but ek bande pe sara ration pani khatam karne ki zaroorat nahi hai Maa. 😂😂😂😂

You know what, I’m act😘ually loving this ott hasmukh dilpreet. Can he stay forever?😘😘

“humne aap se sorry kyunki KAL aapne humein gundon se bachaya”

But he just did that today? Like a couple of hours ago? Gosh, omkara k break up ne Gauri ko aisa sadma diya hai that she’s forgotten the concept of time.😰😰😰

For real though, what is this garbage writing? Ek toh koi continuation nahi hai upar se itne bade bloopers? Who okays this shit?🙄

Lol, stupidass hotstar started buffering at the wrong moment and OMG Omkara looks like such a cutie patootie!! No wonder I always want to kiss his stupid face 😭😭😭

“Ek nahi hazaar wajah hai Gauri, main saari zindagi tumhe sorry bolta rahun toh bhi kam padega”

At least he realizes the magnitude of his mistake. Chalo, I hate you a little less now. But you better make up to my queen in a spectacular way you ass. She deserves the sun, the moon, the stars, EVERYTHING. 💕💕💕

But I love how dismissive Gauri is of him lmao. Kuch zyada hi bhav deti thi usey, tabhi he took you for granted. Super sardarji ko ab pata chalega what it’s like to be a normal peasant dealing with the Queen. 😎😎😎

“oh ji waada hai, dulhan hum le jayenge”

GOD, I STILL CAN’T GET OVER THE FACT THAT HE’S ACCEPTED THIS MARRIAGE. I’M LITERALLY PUKING RAINBOWS RN!!!😭😭😭

Like I low-key want Rikara remarriage in this track. I know hoga nahi, but god, this is more than enough.😊😊😊

Ugh, aagaya ye asshole to ruin my feels. I can literally feel my blood boiling whenever he’s on my screen.😤😤😤😤

My gawd, he looks creepy af. I need him to stop smirking or so help me god, he’ll be going home without a limb or two.🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️

Man, this guy has crossed all limits. All cause he can’t take no for an answer. Matlab problem kya hai iski? First, he insulted her, then he got drunk at her wedding and slut-shamed her, then he got her fired, and now he’s trapped her with him? Like this is legit how acid attackers are born? Just tell me what’s the difference? They attack physically, and he’s attacking her psychologically, making her life hell. How on earth does Gul think it’s good storytelling? This is a character assassination of the worst sort. Rudra literally went from an adorable, albeit unintentionally misogynistic idiot, to something sinister. Redemption toh I know will never happen, but I don’t even want to know how or why Bhayva will forgive him for this. This ship has sunk before it could even set sail. R.I.P RuVya.⚰️⚰️⚰️⚰️

“In short meri ghulam banke raho”

BHAVYA, GO MURDER HIM IN HIS SLEEP. I WILL HELP YOU. CUT THIS BITCH!!!  🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️ 🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️ 🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️

I’m just glad Bhavya ain’t backing down. Attitude hi sahi, give something back to him *while we plan how to kill him in his sleep, hush*

“Ye awaz kaisi?”

Beeeech, yeh dhuan kaisa? Ghar pe aag lag gayi hai kaa?😥😥😥

Lmao. Jaldi bandh omkara. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Yeah Gauri, gooo. There’s a fire @ur home.😥😥😥

Omg, I’m so here for Omkara silently observing, nay, nihaaring Gauri 😭😭 😭 😭

I love how he literally has a physical reaction whenever she gets hurt.

“woh kahan kuch bolti hai, bas chup chaap sehti rehti hai sab kuch. Pata hai aaj tak maine sirf khuddari ka bare me suna tha toh mujhe  laga maine khuddari dekhi hain, main khuddari jaanta hu, lekin nahi, asli khuddari main aaj dekh raha hu”

Ughhhh yessss. Finally, you’re learning what a beautiful selfless soul your wife is 😭😭 😭 😭

Lol @Shivaay giving gyan to Omkara. Don’t throw away your notes Shivaay, same lecture Abhi rudy ko bhi dena hai.

“Wahi toh baat hain na Shivaay, mujhe abhi sirf uska dil nahi jeetna hain. Usey itni khushiyan deni hai, itni khushiyan, jiski woh haqdaar hai. Aaj tak maine sirf, sirf usey aasun hi diye hai lekin ab, ab main uski zindagi mein khushiyan hi khushiyan bharna chahta hun ”

OH MY GOD. BE STILL MY BEATING HEART.

WHAT? I’M NOT CRYING, YOU’RE CRYING. THERE’S A BRANCH, NAY, THERE’S AN ENTIRE TREE IN MY EYE. *sobs internally, externally, everything-ly* 😭😭 😭😭 😭 😭 😭😭 😭 😭

Lol, Kalyani Mills bakwas. Who the fuck cares.

Wow, Richa k sasural wale shakal se hi evil dikh rahe hai. 

Lmao Gauri doing her bezaati 😂😂

Okay, why is she judging Gauri’s ghar? Like she isn’t even Richa’s relative? She’s just her friend. 🤔🤔🤔

God, this showoff, I can’t. She’s pissing me off so much. 😡😡😡😡😡

Richa ki shaadi Gauri k ghar se kyu hone wali hai though? Idgi. 🤔🤔🤔

Ugh, maan na maan main tera mehman.🙄🙄

God, she better not ask for dowry.😡😡😡

Omg she is  😡😡😡😡😡

Wtfffff 😡😡😡😡😡

THIS BITCHHHH 😡😡😡😡😡

Sare relatives k liye saree and gehne and kapde and 1kg ladoo. dafuq you think this is bitchhhhh? Shaadi tere bete ki hai ya tere saare relatives ki hai? My god this bhukkhad aurat. Koi jail bhejo isey. 😡😡😡😡😡

Yes, Gauri, why are you listening to this bitch? Call the police and send her ass to jail. 😡😡

I hope Gauri actually has a plan and isn’t just bowing down to society’s pressures.  

OMG, what if in typical bollywood fashion the baraat goes home on the wedding day and Rikara get married on the madap instead? Too much? han mujhe bhi laga.😂😂😂😂

[evilback-wards]

Day 1( don't. Read it's crap)

Heart Shaped Box prompt for Chemical Warfare Babies

… . .

…

.

Bing.

Surrounding Colline were suits. Large suits that had their cuffs tucked in. And the suits and Colline were in a carbon copy of the Oval Office: the assumed pinnacle of governmental grout.  Whispers were beginning to become full on conversations, mixing joy and hatred to copulate bureaucracy. The room was made with the construction of the original Oval Office in mind: wooden furnishings with uncomfortable couches, yellow curtains, flags from the galaxys’ visiting for todays discussion, old paintings from Earth, and, per the tradition of the planet, vibrate velvet blue fur to keep temperatures warm.

“You know, these humans didn’t know shit. They just existed. It’s kind of adorable,” says a suit, blue one—cuffs hidden by the darkness naturally exuded by their species. Blue dark suit darkness speaks to flapper imitator. The flapper imitator has the roaring 20’s down to the overabundance of happiness before a terrible downfall.

“So much can be learned from them! I’m excited for the fanfare that’s promised for today. Planet 00242192 always has the best shows,” flapper imitator said, fanning itself with some nearby wind. Ah—Colline was just about done dolling herself up for the show. Colline was a suit but also rare personnel that practiced the Earth culture seriously.

There was no light speed fast enough, quick enough, hurried enough to get the Earth stockholders into a room quicker than today. There was an e-mail that was pushed out that stressed the importance of everyone answering her communication. And the stockholders knew not to fudge their chance to speak to their cash cow—and came dressed for the occasion.

Besides flapper imitator, darkness creator, logic deeper, power steeper, gravel keeper, and naval peeker went more for tropes for their manifestations. Ones physical manifestations can leave a lot to be desired if chosen incorrectly on a planet. Colline was a tough customer—judging critically based on ones physical manifestations. It could be assumed that Colline would buy your stock just for matching the wrong century of sock with hair piece.

There was a long allotment for sound in English chatter, allowing the awkward language to leave from whatever orifice the creature utilized for speaking.  Colline stayed silent. Colline was listening for the truth, whatever that may be.

But, once Colline started tapping on the large light box, which triggered the lighting in the room to be lowered completely, people hushed themselves. It was now time for the show.

Dear Diary:

I had sex with a lot of people today. Maybe I shouldn’t have done that. But people forgive pretty easily, right? People will pass you on the street and forgive you for uglying the landscape? People will nod to you even when they are disgusting by the stench of your existence? Remember, if someone holds their nose against their clothing, you’re repulsive. You need to leave them right away. Humans have a tendency of keeping things too nice. Don’t be that way. If you hate someone let them know right away. So the proper fighting can happen. I’ve been dragged along the concrete too long with so many of my clients. They claim I’m ‘love at first sight’ when it’s really ‘cum at first sight’.

Not to knock my knack of doing things to sexually stimulate the creatures, but it gets tiring. Suck Suck. Fuck Fuck. It becomes natural. I am natural. So, I guess I talked myself out of feeling guilty for being an escort—yay! Now I can move on to write more interesting things.

My latest conquest is of someone at my same level. His name is CJ(god knows what that stands for) Byrant. He enjoys escorts as much as anyone. He runs through about fifty every seven days(a week!) and pays each of them handsomely to keep their mouths shut. I heard the last escort that tried to make a scandal happened became the next murder mystery scandal. Ah—I love me a good scandal! That person is dead because they spoke improperly. This person is tortured for being too honest. I love scandals! They are the hole to human virtue.

This is getting rambly, but since it’s MY DIARY, I can be rambly. Hm. New conquest: CJ Byrant likes his escorts like he likes his government: easy to leave in the late afternoon and hard to come in during the mornings. Get it? Yeah—a gay joke I think that was. But that’s just not any type of gay joke—it’s a funny one! I hope. Is my existence making you want to kill yourself yet? If so, I apologize, if not, what is wrong with you? I am extremely cringy and filled with too much hope. The best I have to aspire for is waking up with fresh egg whites on my tits. Maybe there’s a druggie cig hanging from my lower lip that CJ takes drags out of sometimes. I hope I’m good enough to be a night escort. Those are the best—the people make you breakfast usually and ask if that’s how humans would do it. The best thing about humans is that you just don’t know what they would do—they’re born with their own will and predetermined set of ignorance. It’s so cute!

Anyway, I am struggling right now. CJ Byrant is a tough cookie. I’ve been making sure my ass is in the perfect view of his eyesight. But he just clears his throat or insists that “he’ll get that”. What type of government official does he think he is? That’s really silly, you know, to have this façade of being such a respectful man only to turn out to be the kind of guy that needs to cum twice in your eyes and scrub your face into the concrete and call you his long lost rapist. Whoops. Secrets are being let out tonight. I apologize.

CJ Byrant thinks me being an Earth-informed person makes it okay. It makes him okay to treat me like a human male but—hold it—he doesn’t reap the benefits of having such an Earth-human-whore to push around. I could be his little blow doll. My mouth is already open way too often. That’s why I pay men to close it with their intimates. Or sometimes with an object or five if they’re feeling excitable that day.

I love being this whore life has made me to be. It’s easy, easy money, easy way of living. I just can’t think too hard or I’ll burst into tears. Ahh!—Thinking should hurt me! I wish each time I had a critical thought someone hit me upside the head with a brick. I shouldn’t be allowed to think—no, never—thinking is bad. These guys, when they look for escorts, look for the dumbest and best manifested. I need to retain my own view of my life as much as possible. I can’t let CJ treat me like the garden tool I am. Now I’m making puns—I must be reaching critical mass of funnies.

Ahh, it’s been nice writing this, but around now, I need to make a bad decision. Just like the cycle of abuse, a clock, a never-ending cycle of wander and blunders, I must do something completely terrible. Because that’s how Earth-human-whores act. And I love being an Earth-human-whore.

 The lights come back. The suits are struggling to retain a boisterous laughter. The suits flicker into manifestations of humans, a nice spread between the centuries. Colline smiles as she raises her digital grey camera.

“God, that was hoot! The girl is so brain-dead she can’t even keep secrets out of her diary! It’s like her vagina wrote the entire thing,” Flapper imitator says, with her lips out. Smoke drags itself past her lips and into the Oval Offices’ space. Other creatures struggle to retain their laughter and comments. Colline remains silent, snapping pictures of everyone at their moments of happiness, dressed down in their humanoid dresses. Their barcodes showing—oh sweet barcodes! These are important. I’ll explain why they’re important.

 Barcodes are assigned to every creature created on the planet known as 00242192. The English pronunciation of the numerical expression is often shortened as Capital Pra. Pra is a weird name, isn’t it, for this shit to be occurring on? With blue velvet carpet to be in a Oval Office to keep up temperature—because—humans are too stupid to find out how to work machines to heat them better.

Barcodes, okay, back to the point. Barcodes are assigned to anyone born on this planet as a discreet and personal number. Buuuut. Because anything created is sentient and has their own free will, and to keep privacy up, the placements of the barcode is random. Sometimes you’re lucky and its on your left ass check if you ever manifest an ass cheek. Issue one: Sometimes you’ll manifest and manifest and you can’t find the barcode of yours for the life of you. Issue two: If you don’t know what the fuck your barcode is, well, you’re screwed.  Your mark as a Triple O’ 9 and told to fuck off into the darkness. You’re labeled as uncooperative in this nook of the galaxy or universe or whatever you wanna see this place as.

Barcodes are an arrangements of lines from 5 cm to 5 inches that can be as short as 2 and as long as fifty on ones body. What—why are people born with these—the best answer I can give you is that that’s just how the machine works. And no one knows why. Maybe no one wants to know why. But anyway.

Barcodes are used to keep track of the population and employment of people born on Pra. And, to be more culturally sensitive, what percentage of people follow what culture. As a new born jelly mass, you don’t know anything. You don’t even know that your jelly form is offensive as you’re basically just a naked new born baby without culture! SO, let’s review:

1.Born as a jelly with a barcode

2. Get culture

3. ???

4. You live until you die under your cultures conditions

Sounds simple, but people like to make it complicated as shit. Like, who the hell even wants to stick to one culture? Who would want to? Even subcultures of your culture get boring. So many people just up and switch cultures when it gets close to their time. Some beings born with 3 barcodes still exist because they’re “lifers” for culture.

[daniel--berry]

Worst to Best Superhero Movies I’ve Seen

31) The Amazing Spider-Man

I hate this movie. I laughed throughout the entire film. “The lizard” could not have been a worse super-villain. I sort of liked the yellow Spidey-eyes, I guess. Emma Stone gave a nice performance. Can’t write anything else about it.

30) Doctor Strange

This is one of the only movies on the list I fell asleep during. Some of the visuals were pretty original, but the storyline was like a terrible version of Kung Fu Panda. Maybe if they casted Jack Black instead of super-boring Benedict Cumberbatch (I loved you in Sherlock baby, don’t be offended), Doctor Strange could have had a little charisma. I think this is the only movie on this list that made me upset after watching it.

29) Suicide Squad

What is this movie, some kind of Suicide Squad? Maaaan, what a great cast in such a forgettable movie. Here’s the thing though, I liked it more than most people did. I think whatever-her-name-is was a charismatic (though definitely not funny) Harley Quinn. Jared Leto wasn’t super offensive as the Joker, I looked forward to his scenes, but he looked like an idiot, like a twenty year old with temporary tattoos. What is this guy, some kind of Joker?

28) Thor

I can’t remember this movie. It was probably better than Suicide Squad though. Oh yeah, there’s that part where he throws his coffee on the ground and yells “Another!”. Haha, that was pretty funny.

27) Deadpool

Haha, he uses bad words! But it’s a superhero movie! This movie will serve best as the first R-rated movie a 12 year old sees behind his parent’s back. This is the other one I fell asleep during. 

26) Thor: The Dark World

This one’s interesting. I actually like this movie a lot, in theory. Visually, it’s one of my favorite Marvel movies. You could even say that if I made a MCU movie, it would look a lot like this one. Again, in theory, this is cool. It made Loki an anti-hero after the Avengers, which I think is a great choice. Unfortunately, this is a big piece of shit. And it will make you (unjustly) dislike Natalie Portman. 

25) Wonder Woman

Wow, I thought I’d love this movie. I’ve always thought Wonder Woman was a great character. Gal Gadot is almost perfect for the role. But man, what a boring story. Way too much time is spent on an ugly island, and the rest of the movie is a fish-out-of-water Crocodile Dundee rip-off, with Tumblr-friendly British humor. Haha, that English woman’s accent is sooo British! No thank you. A DAMN boring movie! 

24) The Amazing Spider-Man 2

We’re starting to get to superhero movies that I actually sort-of enjoy. This is my second favorite Spider-Man movie, but that’s out of the three ones on this list. I think this movie ruined Jamie Foxx’s career. Spider-Man has never looked better, though. Definitely the best Spidey-suit. I’m a sucker for those huge eyes. I walked out of the movie wanting to see a sequel, to be honest.

23) Ant-Man

I don’t remember this one, but I remember laughing a lot. Doesn’t Ant-Man work at Baskin Robbins or something in this? Oh yeah, and Michael Douglas is in this. I love that guy!

22) Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice

What a STUPID title for a movie. Nothing felt natural here. Did I mention that I hate the title? Here’s the thing, some of the elements of this movie work great. People made fun of the “Martha” twist, but I liked it, as well as Ben Affleck’s portrayal of Batman. But again, nothing was natural about this story. The tone shift is so dramatic from Man of Steel, and yet it’s supposed to be a direct sequel. Henry Cavill’s Superman isn’t memorable. Jesse Eisenberg’s lines were badly written and he never seemed like a real human being. Still, I didn’t hate it.

21) Thor: Ragnarok

Such great ideas here. Pairing Hulk and Thor for a comedy? Wonderful. Jeff Goldblum as a charismatic (gay) planet emperor is my favorite new MCU character. More of him, please! Why so low on this list? Hela sucked, as all Thor villains do. But man, she sucked the worst. The goddess of death? She just looks kind of goth, and never does anything too death-y. I like how the fire monster destroys the Thor world (what’s it called again?), and to the movie’s credit, it doesn’t treat this like an earth-shattering moment. Because let’s be honest, we never gave a fuck about that place.

20) Avengers: Age of Ultron

Ok, yes. This movie has aged pretty badly. But there’s a lot to like! Vision is a graceful, hot, AI legend right out of the gate. Lots of nice seeds are sown here, but it’s too bad that Ultron was a big dumbass who didn’t know how to execute any of his angsty plans. His “age” lasted about a day? Day of Ultron. Still, Tony Stark deserves to be put in prison by now.

19) Guardians of the Galaxy

As far as nailing a tone down, this movie did it best. You can call this movie airtight in its execution. The only negative is that every following Marvel movie felt like it had to be just as funny as this one.

18) Man of Steel

I love me a serious superhero film. I think this movie is best described in pros and cons. Pros: Henry Cavill is the best onscreen Superman yet, Michael Shannon made an otherwise goofy role kind of believable, the special effects are the best I’ve ever seen in a superhero film. Cons: None of this matters, because you’ve just never seen a more boring plot to a film in your life.

17) Batman

There will be no disrespect for the classics here. Every good superhero movie owes it all to Batman. This movie nailed it in every category. Jack Nicholson’s weirdo Joker was all-too-perfect, and the goth-horror scenery was inspired. Best of all, Michael Keaton made the idea of a gay orphan dressing up as a bat pretty relatable.

16) Superman

They haven’t quite gotten it right until 2006, but more on that up the list. This is the best Superman will ever be, because the character really just doesn’t work in the modern day. Christopher Reeve gives a romantic, gosh-golly version of the comic character, and it’s pretty damn good. Also, Marlon Brando’s Jor-El is haunting and gorgeous when he speaks. Another classic.

15) Batman Begins

Blah blah blah, gritty, dark, blah blah blah. Reinvented superhero movies, blah blah blah realistic.

14) Captain America: The First Avenger

This is the heart and soul of the MCU, and one of the most unique out of the series. Still feels important even in the third phase, and has a lot of great messages that I am too lazy to write. Great movie, and Chris Evans as Captain America was the best casting choice since Robert Downey Jr. Nothing but greatness here.

13) Iron Man 2

Do people really think this is the worst of the MCU? Not by a long-shot. But oh my god, Tony Stark is just such a war criminal. And Mickey Rourke is delightful! I love that part where Iron Man empties his bladder into his own Iron Man suit. Did Superman ever do that shit? Fuck Superman!

12) Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

My ass has seen a lot of superhero movies, but I don’t think my ass has smiled more watching one of them. Ummmm, what a fucking great movie? With a fucking great plot? And, like, a great villain for fucking once? A truly lovely film.

11) The Dark Knight Rises

A marxist superhero film? No wonder it’s not the fan favorite. But I love it just the same. The funeral scene at the end is beautifully acted by all involved. Yes, Bruce Wayne died, but it didn’t feel cheap. Catwoman driving the batpod? An icon of cinema. A great ending to a great blah blah blah, not as good as The Dark Blah blah blah.

10) Marvel’s The Avengers

What a moment for a little thirteen year old nerdfuck like me. It leans on the immature side of the MCU, yes. But it’s damn near perfect filmmaking, and by far the most accessible superhero movie to date. Hulk Smash!

9) Iron Man 3

We’re getting into real personal-favorite territory here. Shane Black’s Christmas superhero film is hated by a lot of people, but don’t worry, they’re all just sweaty ugly nerds with untouched genitals who don’t realize that Fu-Manchu proto-Asian wizard stereotypes aren’t exactly the best material for a 2013 film. Man, I adore this movie. It’s a perfect blend of comedy (not too much) and drama (not too much), with an infusion of self awareness that appeals to a cynical guy like me.

8) Superman Returns

This movie really understands Superman. It’s too bad it was overshadowed by Batman Begins, because this movie has a lot to offer. No, it isn’t action-packed, and yes it does star Kevin Spacey (gross) as Lex Luther, but the romanticism and themes of a post-superhero world are rich with wonderful dialogue and the best onscreen Lois Lane yet. Forget the Kryptonite iceberg at the end, Superman’s journey of finding himself is surprisingly great material for a film, delicately directed by Bryan Singer. Wait, is that TWO pedophile boy rapists in one film? Yikes, you know what.......never mind. 

7) Captain America: Civil War

The re-watchability here is astonishing. It’s not even an Avengers film, and it’s still easily the best Avengers film. And yet, it stays its course as a personal story of loyalty and sacrifice for the titular character. It’s totally a Captain America movie. Also, can Tony Stark just get fucking imprisoned already?

6) Iron Man

Easily the “coolest” superhero movie ever made. I can watch terrorists get blown up by lasers all day! A true classic, and still feels just a little more legitimate than all the other MCU films.

5) Spider-Man: Homecoming

A relatable protagonist? A relatable villain? An evil psycopath? (Tony Stark). What’s not to love? It might not have “amazing” in the title like those other fuck-your-mom Spidey movies, but it most certainly is. (Amazing, I mean).

4) The Dark Knight

Blah blah blah joker, blah blah blah Heath Ledger, Christopher Nolan. Blahblahblahblah dark, reinvented the genre, blah blah blah.

3) Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Yes I’ll say it. Here we have the best story in a superhero film to date. And to disguise all the intellectual themes of post-terrorist society, individuality, corruption, the pointlessness of patriotism, and homoeroticism, we have just enough kick-ass action scenes for your average brain-dead male to get a kick out of it too.

2) X-Men: Days of Future Past

I’m a sucker for time travel, and fuck me if this didn’t deliver 100%. This was my first X-Men movie experience, and I still think about it about once every couple of weeks. I don’t even want to write about it because I get embarrassed by my love for this movie.

1) Logan

The world’s changed. All the mutants are dead. Patrick Stewart is a senile fuck. Wolverine’s claws hurt when he tries to bring them out. Jesus Christ, there’s so much here that I can’t believe it’s a real movie. There’s just something about seeing a grizzly Hugh Jackman in a bloody t-shirt that really grinds my gears. It’s tragic, it’s beautiful, it’s expansive, and it feels like the last superhero movie that ever needs to be made.