#rather you will see what you already see in a lot of very queer spaces which is the reexamination of relationships as a whole

[bacchuschucklefuck]

Can you expand on what you mean by Baron being "too cool" to really fit a horror monster? It's a very interesting concept and I'd love to hear your thoughts. Is it that they're too active/involved/tangible and it detracts from their scariness?

I feel like I should preface this with a wall of disclaimers lmao 1/I am a hardcore, down-to-the-marrow, avid, deeply sincere horror enthusiast, esp. horror creatures. this usually means my mileage is vastly different from the average populace's, and my scaredy bone has been disintegrated by longterm exposure. most things in a piece of horror media won't scare me! so I practically never use that on its own as the scale to talk abt horror experiences, but when something does scare me it's always a special occasion to be treasured. 2/canon d20 is never really meant to be horror horror, and for good reasons: it doesn't fit the company's output, it takes a kind of carelessness in production estimation that is always a huge risk, it's often vulnerable in a way that kinda goes against how TTRPGs usually facilitates vulnerability, and for most people it's just! stressful! d20, even with the "horror-themed" seasons, generally just plays with horror tropes and stays focused in its goal of being a comedy improv tabletop theater show. 3/fantasy high's chosen system is DnD, which as I've mentioned before is before all a combat-based game system, which means the magic circle of play is drawn based on stats that facilitate and prioritize combat. want or not this affects every interaction you have in the game, and given fantasy high's concept from the ground up (everyone's going to school of DnD stuff to get better at DnD) it's doubly relevant. 4/This Is Fine I have no quarrel with this. my meters are internal, I do not ask this show to be anything it doesn't advertise itself to be, and what it is is fucking great! I like it! when I expand on this ask's question it will be like a physicist going insane in a lab. that's the mindset we're going in with.

disclaimers done. my stance on horror as a genre is that it's a utility genre rather than a content genre or a demographic genre; it is the discard of narratives. it's the trash pile. horror, above being scary, is about being ugly and messy, it's the cracks on the ground any story inevitably steps over to stay a genre that isn't horror. the genre's been around long enough to develop a codex and a general language that medias and makers and enthusiasts of the genre can use to talk about and build onto, but if you go into individual pieces there's really no unifying Horror Story. one person's beautiful life can be another's horror story, it's just how it is.

this makes The Monster a deeply intriguing piece of the genre. thing is a monster is in a decent percentage of any story - it's just when the antagonist force steps into something past a certain line traced out in the story's world. monstrousness is in pretty much every western fantasy story, it's in any story with a hero and something to vanquish or win; more than anything it's a proxy of that thing up there. the line in a narrative's world. the monster is the guard of the unknown lands, where heroic, civilized people don't tread.

what does this mean in the context of horror? the genre is about that perceived lawlessness, that "unknown land" so to say. we're in the monster's home. that's the literary context that we often walk into a horror piece with; the monster knows more than you about where you are. it may not understand you, but it holds more information than you, and with that it moves swifter than you, has more covered than you, and is more assured in its existence in this context than you. it's a struggle to catch up to it, it's nigh impossible to get one over it, and you're never sure it'll 100% work, because you just don't have the information necessary to.

with that framing you can kinda see where I'm coming from here: horror's often about the breaking of rules. I always think a monster's most effective when it breaks well-established rules of both existence and visual storytelling. think Possum (2018) or Undertale's Omega Flowey or the Xenomorph Queen - unique change in medium, unique change in graphic, unique change in design language, etc. in that sense I actually really like how canon baron plays out: they don't really function like anything else in the fantasy high universe, the bad kids have not managed to kill them when they've felled literal gods, their domain in fhjy literally introduces new mechanics to encompass their existence! from an experience design standpoint they slap mad shit. BUT! I can't help finding their character, like as a character riz (and the other bad kids, eventually) interact with, to be very... coherent? in design. this is kinda hard for me to articulate in words, it's more often a sense you get once you've looked at enough of these scrumptious fuckers, their general design and the way they show up is just kinda too clean, so to say. always kinda newly made? fresh unboxed. it, once again, makes sense for their lore - they are looking for more about themself from riz - and their function - they're an antagonist in a game experience, they're meant to be interacted with in a way that produces results and meshes with the existing magic circle - but that shininess takes away from the implied history they should have dominion over and the person they're haunting doesn't.

from another angle there is kinda something there about how put-together canon baron is as a concept; the domain they call home is riz's deep-seeded fears, extremely vulnerable things he's drawn borders around to quarantine and refused to walk into. things that from his perspective would irreversibly shatter certain pleasant fictions his world is built on top of. canon baron, While Extremely Cool, I feel is kinda too neat to connect with and signify the apocalyticized mess that'd result from this paradigm shift. the part where they're in riz's briefcase and looking through every mirror is Very Cool And Fucked Up! but ultimately the show draws a line around them as well, by making game-physical, tangible spaces they're in (the mirrors and the haunted mordred manor) and put riz and the bad kids there only when they need to confront stuff. riz is meaningfully narratively away from baron's unknown land for most of fantasy high.

with that and all of my disclaimers in mind my conclusion here is if canon baron wants to be a Horror Monster they'd have to cross way more lines. be a Lot more invasive. hence (holds up my class swap baron like a long cat)

[seductivejellyfish]

gonna take a bit of a swing at a hornets nest here but: whenever you have in mind to write a post about, or you read a post about, "amatonormativity," I really suggest stepping back and asking "how would this post change if I replaced 'amatonormativity' with 'heteronormativity'/'compulsive heterosexuality'? Are the societal pressures or privileges described actually applied to homosexual relationships at all, or in a way resembling how they are applied to heterosexual relationships?"

A lot of us live in relatively wonderful pockets of the world where it can be easy to feel like gay relationships are thought about in a way that is close to equivalent to straight ones, but the fact is I have never once seen any discussion of 'amatonormativity' that was not a discussion of heteronormativity. It is true that there are immense societal pressures that seem to enforce 'romantic' relationships, but in reality they enforce heterosexual relationships of a particular sort, and we flatted our ability for meaningful critique when we act like the forces at work are a societal prioritization of romantic love, and not the patriarchal structure of compulsory heterosexuality and all its implications for maintenance of the patriarchy.

[wordsinhaled]

hi there! I started following you after seeing your essay-long answers to DBD things in tags, and it made me very happy to see someone as deeply analytical as me about this show.

I wanted to ask you: if you were given the final say, how would you want the show to confirm both Charles' bisexuality and his romantic feelings towards Edwin (as both can be done at different points)?

Personally, I can't get the idea out of my head that it will be done with some kind of tragic goodbye, somehow Charles and Edwin have to separate, and Charles either verbally confirms it or kisses Edwin goodbye. Not saying that's what I want, but it's what I expect the writers to do.

Hope you're having a good day.

btw, would love to hear you talk more about timerogue (Fifteen/Rogue), I need more essay-long analysis about those two.

Hi there! <3 I am so happy you have enjoyed my tag rambles! And thank you so much for asking this great question, I had a lot of fun thinking through it!

I have many thoughts on this! Sticking them under a cut eventually because it is a long post!

Re: Charles' bisexuality: So the thing is I think that the DBDA universe generally seems to eschew labels in favor of showing rather than telling the audience what the characters' identities are. For example Jenny is interested in dating women, which is clear from her dialogue, and she goes on a date with Maxine, but she's never labeled anything. Edwin is never labeled anything by anyone in the narrative, either, but the narrative shows us that his only love interests and his desires and romantic feelings are for other boys. I would argue that we have been shown textually that Charles is bi, already, the same way the show shows-not-tells us other things. Charles by the end of the first season feels bi enough to me in a way that just feels like someone... living a bi life, and not yet realizing they might in fact be in love back with their best friend. I don't know how else to put it but I hope that makes sense. (My alternate, slightly sappier version of canon is that Charles fell for Edwin the first night, but has shoved it down for the duration of their friendship, but the former feels more likely as the direction I think we see on screen.) We are being told Charles is bi:

In the way Charles himself draws parallels between why he likes Crystal (his romantic love interest) and Edwin, pointing out they share the exact same traits

In the way he gives Crystal and Edwin the same genre of deep, loving gaze

In the way he thinks Crystal is fit, and he checks Edwin out, on multiple occasions, but only flirts with Edwin overtly in episode 8 ("My smile is pretty convincing," plus more than the usual amount of physical touch/proximity and less plausible deniability) once he can be assured by Edwin's recent confession that doing so will not be poorly received

In the different kinds of softness and masculinity he displays around both Crystal and Edwin

In the way that, despite not knowing the ending, he draws a parallel between himself and Edwin & a pair of lovers from classical mythology as though it is the most natural thing in the world to bring up the story of Orpheus & Eurydice, making overt the romantic potential of his relationship with Edwin

In the way he is so quick to write off that the two jocks were "just best mates" the way a person does when they are recognizing their own queerness in themselves and have to keep themselves safe from it, because of the environment that they are in (Charles being the Sports Lad, needing to fit in with other sports lads, and needing to avoid the censure/violence of his father)

And coming off the above, in the way that Charles navigates along the toughness-sensitivity spectrum within the social constructs of being "the brawn"

In the entire sparring scene in episode 1, tbh. The rituals are very intricate /drops mic

I understand the importance that's been placed by fandom spaces on "confirmed canon" queerness that is spelled out in so many words, given a label that can be pointed to to say "This character is definitely this!" but I think (and this is just my personal opinion) it can be reductive sometimes, and I don't really want Charles to label himself in that kind of way, just as much as I don't think the other characters needed the labels to "confirm" the queerness of their relationships or indeed of the show; having him be the one to do it for being bi would set him apart. I also think taking into account the time period that he grew up in, Charles would care more about living by the truth of how he feels and how he can use those feelings to connect with the one he loves, than what to call it. I just don't think we're gonna get like a "Hello my name is Charles Rowland and I am a verified bisexual"-type scene in season 2, and I think that's okay, and I don't really think that's the way for the show to 'confirm' it. Mind you I would love to see Charles talk about how it makes him feel to realize his feelings, and how his feelings for Edwin are different compared to how other people make him feel, because god, I love Charles so much and I just know such a scene would both destroy and heal me. FEEL YOUR FEELINGS, CHARLES <3

I think it says something really important that many, many, many people took one look at Charles Rowland and said: "Oh, he's bi." Not like... he has bi energy, or could plausibly be bi, or whatever; for so many people he just resonated as being bi, in a very organic way. (I know there are people who do read Charles as being straight/having rejected Edwin in s1, and I respect that, but they probably will not like my ideas about Charles very much, then, tbh.)

For what it's worth, though, Jayden's acting choices playing Charles, and the way Jayden (and George) have addressed the 'straight best friend Charles' line of questioning during interviews, both make it seem to me that Jayden is intentionally playing Charles as bi and we are already supposed to understand this for what it is, based on Charles' actions—just as we understand similar things about other characters inner worlds we are shown. Whether Charles is consciously aware of it yet is more the up-for-debate part to me, personally. It's like he is dancing right on the edge of the revelation, or something, but his actions (and his EYES) are speaking for him pretty loudly already.

As for how he confirms it more obviously? Hmm. Well, I'll admit i think a kiss between them would be lovely, if only because I think it would quite possibly be the Most Kiss a kiss could be, with all of Charles' tenderness and adoration for Edwin poured into it. I also think it would be in-character, given Charles canonically misses kissing, and wants to do it with people he's interested in romantically (see Crystal).

Charles struggles with being able to admit romantic feelings out loud because he is scared of his own capacity to hurt Edwin; after all the only example of "romantic" love he has seen was his parents' marriage. Charles is a person who acts first, thinks later, but in this process of understanding what he feels for Edwin he's taking his time and being the opposite of impulsive. This shows how important his relationship to Edwin is to him and his commitment to Getting It Right. Even with that deliberateness, though, I think it would still be easier for him to express himself through a tangible action like a kiss than through words—at least at first.

It reminds me of this scene from the first draft of Maurice between Maurice and Alec. Alec is struggling to verbalize his feelings for Maurice, although he does know he feels them. He can say other things, but naming love for what it is is the challenge; and in the end they use a shared memory of a time Alec showed his love through actions (running through the rosebushes just to see Maurice's face) to communicate and mutually understand their love for each other. Similarly, Charles finds it difficult to admit a deep romantic love aloud, but his actions speak louder, in his determination to retrieve Edwin from hell ("There's no one else—no one else—I would go to hell for") and he can allude to the romantic implications of the act, by referencing the Orpheus & Eurydice myth. It similarly becomes, I may not be able to say the words, but you and I both know the lengths i would go to for you.

Maurice : "I love you, sir be damned." Alec: "Maurice"—never before had the word been spoken—"you're an angel." Maurice: "I don't want to hear that." Alec: "Maurice, Maurice" his voice failed also; he had once said the rest to a woman. "Maurice - what you've said I feel. Understand?" M: "I think so, but I want to be sure. Remember those rose bushes in the other rain? - Look at me hard - That's right. That'll do. It's settled."

As far as the catalyst for Charles revealing his feelings... a tragic goodbye—gosh, as heartbreakingly compelling as I know seeing George and Jayden act that out would be (I know they would crush it), I really hope the writers don't do that to them! The thing about Payneland that is so refreshing to me is how they manage to subvert trope expectations and break out of the tragic narratives they are placed in, and I think they would ultimately defy any attempt at separation. As Edwin says, "I will make sure that doesn't happen," about them ever being split up. I am rooting for a happily ever after for them, because they have both been through enough, and have fought tooth and nail to stay together.

Steve Yockey has mentioned potentially having Desire of the Endless cameo on the show and I also think having them and Charles interact would be a fascinating way to bring to light some of the deep-rooted stuff Charles struggles with around love (and would nicely parallel Edwin's experience with the Cat King which catalyzed his Charles-feelings realization). I also like the idea of the team maybe meeting a couple during a case who parallel Edwin and Charles and are romantically involved. Seeing that would allow Charles to externalize the way he feels for Edwin by seeing it reflected back to him by other people; sometimes things are easier to pick up on in others than in ourselves. I think that would be a fun way to get him to see what's been there under the surface for some time :)

Oh my god this got so long asfhlgkjhg SORRY

(I'm sure the Doccy Who fixation will come back in time for the Christmas special! :D)

[itsclydebitches]

I need more time to put my thoughts in order about tonight's episode, but my initial reaction is that I'm surprised by others' disappointment? I mean, I'm actually not that surprised because coming out stories are intensely personal with viewers all looking for/needing vastly different things from their media, but it just feels like a lot of what (I thought) Ted Lasso was trying to do has gotten lost under specific expectations.

Ted goes off on a long, ridiculous, borderline disgusting story at the worst possible moment? Yes, that's the point. For all my fun TedTrent theories, Ted is (currently) serving the role of the well-meaning, but often ignorant straight man. His function is to both provide the insight and warmth that he's known for - "Actually it does matter to us" - while simultaneously showing how this intensely heteronormative culture would react to a player coming out. AKA messily. If we got a perfect scenario where everyone was accepting and said exactly the right thing, that would undermine the problems the show is trying to acknowledge in the first place. The focus on Isaac's complicated anger and Ted's foot-in-mouth syndrome is just as important to this whole scenario as the club's overall acceptance and the fact that Ted immediately realizes that he fucked up: "I regret that." Ted Lasso is a feel-good comedy, so it's all couched in over-the-top humor, but I thought that was an important acknowledgement: your allies - straight or not, out or not - are likely going to react in cringe-worthy, imperfect ways and the important takeaway there is not that they're irredeemable people who don't love you, but that they're trying and you should gently correct them (as Colin does) and allow them to grow (as Ted does). Despite being an absurd fiction, Ted Lasso is working to write about this in a semi-realistic sense. Instead of a Perfect Coming Out Moment that makes all the queer fans (myself included!) squeal at how ~wonderful~ our beloved cast is for being oh so perfect, we get that realistic awkwardness, misplaced anger, and regret.

We cut away from Colin coming out? Yes, because he's already come out to us. I understand why fans would be disappointed in that, but I don't think it's fair to characterize the show as not allowing Colin to come out at all. That was the entirety of "Sunflowers." Rather than trying to fit Colin's big moment into a locker room halftime, the writers crafted a whole episode where he could grapple with that fear of being outed, be reassured, have a heart-to-heart with Trent, sit together on the monument, go out later in celebration... Ted Lasso made space for all that and, understandably to my mind, didn't want to rehash many of those same beats three episodes later, especially not when we need time to work through the intersection of Colin's story with everyone else. (Because despite this being a queer story-line about a queer man, the show is about the team. Colin's conflict was always going to expand into the rest of the cast.) No, we don't get to see Colin come out specifically to the others, but we did see him come out - both narratively by kissing a man and to Trent - and we see the team's reaction immediately after the fact. Making space for Issac didn't feel like it was cheating Colin to me, or focusing too much on the straight characters, because Colin's story has been a season in the making (plus some details earlier on). To say nothing of the fact that his hesitance about coming out is specifically because he fears the team's reaction... so why wouldn't we grapple with Isaac's negative reaction? We already know Colin's worries, we know what he wants, we see him seeking advice from Trent, we see him reaching out to Issac, we see that failing, and after all that his queer story-line is functionally at a stand-still until something else gives. Issac's explosion is what finally tips the scales.

Idk I don't think I'm explaining this very well because it's late and I only just watched, but I'm of the opinion that Ted Lasso did a lot of work in previous episodes so that they'd have space in this episode to do different work, which is smart. From a narrative perspective, Ted doesn't need to be the perfect ally because Colin already has a supportive queer mentor. "La Locker Room Aux Folles" doesn't need to try to balance Colin's emotional coming out with Isaac's internalized homophobia because "Sunflowers" already gave the audience so, so much, allowing the writers to both keep things on screen for our benefit and then later cut away for the sake of time. As said, stories like these are always going to be a hit-or-miss depending on what each individual fan wants and needs, but I think it's worth keeping in mind that Colin's story is not this single episode; it's all of them combined. Has Ted Lasso really not treated his journey respectfully... or did it just not try to check every queer story-line box in a single episode?

[queeranarchism]

Reading your posts, and I see you talk about, you know, creating mutual aid networks, or affinity groups. It interested me especially when you talked about relationship anarchy and building such a queer community in resistance to capitalism and exploring open love. How... how does one create such a group/community? Everything sounds great, but what are the practical steps? Especially for someone living in a rather middle big Sweden city.

If you live in a middle-big city, there's a good chance that an anarchist community and/or a radical queer community already exists and that there's a good deal of overlap between the two. Especially anarchist trans people seem like soooo abundant in the trans community. (Because they state screws us over so much.)

Anyway, communities tend to form around a space, like an anarchist cafe or a queer club house or a non-permanent space like a recurring event. When looking for an existing community I tend to frequent those spaces. When I see queer anarchists at protests I try to make friends, invite them to the spaces I know and ask what spaces they're recommend.

This takes one skill you'll need to practice: walking up to strangers and having that awkward first conversation with someone you don't know. This is an essential skill in any form of community building and the only way to learn it is to throw yourself in and to experience that being very awkward for a bit is not the end of the world. Where spaces are lacking, I try to create them. Creating a space sounds hard and if you want a permanent autonomous space then yes, it is hard. But creating a non-permanent space doesn't take a huge amount of work.

It's basically a matter of finding a venue that's okay with you hosting an event and then spreading the message "There's a queer/trans/anarchist/whatever hang out here every first monday of the month." and then just consistently show up there so there's always at least one person to warmly greet new people. (which again takes the 'talking to strangers' skill). The start of building a community can be as simple as that.

In a while, the people in that community will start to care about it and at that point you might want to talk about sharing the monday greeter shifts so you no longer have to always show up for the space to exist. Another step you might want to take is to build communication channels to announce events, like a website and social media channels. Discord is quite useful as an in-group channel to allow people to chat after the events, plan new events, etc.

The big, difficult, but super valuable step that will make your space a permanent space. I wouldn't recommend trying that alone and I don't have a lot of experience with that, so I'm going to leave that step to someone else.

[goodluckclove]

So apparently when I drink enough to start posing real questions (such as "what spec fiction author would be the most fun to party with"), my body reacts poorly and I end up with insomnia. I've been lying in bed for about four and a half hours just pondering before I realized I'm an adult and I can just change locations.

I'm in the living room now. Bob seems happy for the attention. And I'd like to share my central ponder of the night, centered around how much of a bummer it is that like most of the online queer centered spaces I've seen consist of rampant in-fighting.

Stay with me here. Seriously this is a long one I'm very tired.

I'm not coming from some nonsense centrist place of no conflict ever. I just feel like so much queer conversation I see is either vague blanket support, or a massive thread that somehow starts in the middle of an argument. And as someone who is not necessarily old, but definitely not active online, this is super isolating.

I think it's a really interesting anthropological concept that as queer culture develops it becomes more niche and simultaneously more vague. That's cool. The downside is that I am now the human embodiment of that Griffin Mcelroy meme about not knowing what something is and being too afraid to ask. And every time I see someone who is clearly super passionate about some queer take, I really want to ask why they think what they do or how they came to that conclusion, but holy shit that feels dangerous.

Like it's not an immediate invalidation to ask why. More modern queer identities are so varied there's a very good chance two people experiencing the same circumstances might have two radically different reasons and ways to get there. I am at the point where I no longer think anyone can speak for our collective queer experience unless they use the broadest of terms. I'm genuinely just grieving that we're immediately giving each other shit over variations instead of getting together and comparing notes.

Oh but Google is free - fuck off. Like straight up. That shit flies for the surface level information and it's crazy to me that more people don't acknowledge that. Google is free for people who think there's only one intersex variation. Google is free for people who really want to know if scissoring is real. At this point in society there are multiple generations of queer people (or people in general) with multiple senses of online validity. Someone who grew up in the 90s might trust a more traditional source for information rather than a google doc or Tumblr post or reddit thread or tiktok, and by that logic they aren't really going to be convinced by any Googling they do for a lot of new cultural shifts.

Like I was a teen with shit opinions. I was snarky about "transtrenders" who used neopronouns. Not online or to anyone - I wasn't a complete dipshit - but I definitely thought it. If I posted about it online I'd say all the regular arguments and the opposing side would say all their regular arguments and we'd block each other and accomplish nothing.

Which would be a massive shame because one of my shining qualities is my ability to admit when I'm wrong. There's a much better alternate reality in which I did post about how people who think you don't need dysphoria to be trans are cringe, and some kind trans person asked why I thought that. Because then I'd say something like because everyone wants to be trans that doesn't mean you're just allowed to say you are.

And then they'd probably be like yeah maybe you should talk to more people about this and consider where you're coming from, saving me like ten years of gatekeeping myself from my own identity.

Like I tried the Googling thing for something niche that I'm curious about. I learned about aplatonicism recently and was like huh. New info. But every post I see in the aplatonic tag is already angry about being aplatonic so I'm not about to take space with my own curiosity.

But after scrolling a Reddit thread I am more confused than ever. I don't know what a squish is, friends. I mean, I know the definition - but my brain doesn't think of human relationships like that. People were talking about having friends that they love but they don't have squish love or friend love, also aplatonic describes some autistic people, also also aplatonic is a word specifically used for aromantic people who don't want QPRs. I don't think any of this is wrong. I do think that it is so much information that it cancels out in my brain, and now I kind of just think aplatonic is a word that means things sometimes. And that's not what I want.

I'm being self indulgent because I don't think anyone is reading this far and I'm feeling relaxed because I took an Adderall earlier today and I feel like I can actually think for the first time in months. I want to ask some aplatonic people what they think "friend love" is supposed to be compared to what they feel for their friends, if they have them. If they don't have a need for friends, I am very curious to know what they think about the friend list function on virtually every social media website and game. Like this is not a bit. I've been awake in bed for almost five hours and it occurred to me that might be a bummer. Maybe some people use them out of convenience, but I think it would be interesting to meet a person who's so staunch in their philosophy that they just don't. I feel like there's probably a lot of aplatonic people who are like just straight up not online and don't even know that's their vibe.

I want to ask some loveless aros what they consider to be positive emotions or motivations in their lives. Like I'm so full of love for virtually anything that the concept of not having that emotion across the board makes me wonder if something else fills the space. Like do loveless aros love ideas? Do they love their hobbies? I don't think aromantics are sociopaths at all, I've just seen people who both say that loveless is reclaiming a slur and also defining a lack of love and I'd like to know more about both.

I saw a post on my feed about how anyone should be allowed to get gender affirming surgery even if they aren't trans. I don't disagree. That argument has honestly never occured to me and I really wish I could've asked why someone would want that. Because "a cis man might want a vagina" is valid, but doesn't fly in terms of actual logistics. You have to make so many appointments and wait for so long and answer so many questions. I'm aware my opinion on this is heavily biased by being Agender and actively ridding my body of as many secondary sexual characteristics as quickly as possible. I am not immune to the propaganda of my own identity. I would just like to have an in-depth conversation with a cis man that wants a vagina and ask why and also if they think it's worth the maintenance. Because, like, there IS maintenance.

I'm not doing it to judge. If this hypothetical man is like "yeah I know I'd have to keep up with the upkeep and maybe wear hormone patches from now on, but structurally it makes sense for my view of my own manhood", I'd be like "that's really interesting, I considered adding a penis to my architecture but then decided that it would probably be a sensory nightmare for me. I'm surprised so many cis men can ride a bike."

And then maybe he'd say "where do you think cis men put their pensises when they ride a bike?" To which I would say "I don't know the mechanics of a penis and at this point the thought of learning in which direction I'd have to stick my hypothetical one makes me anxious."

And then he'd kind of scoff bemusedly, and we'd go out together for banh mis.

I think at this point in my rant I'm realizing that my major issue here is that the world as a whole is not friendly to genuine curiosity. I also get triggered by hate bait, and it bothers me that I can't pull the subject of the cringe fuel aside and be like what are you doing? Like, not judgementally. I want you to explain to me what you are doing and why it's important to you.

I don't think it'll convince me every time, but I'm pretty sure I'd be like "ah, okay. Makes sense." And then move on with a greater understanding of the growth of humanity.

And also we can get banh mis.

I really want a bahn mi but I can't bike to get one or else my guts will fall out. Gender affirming surgery is a mistake for the sole reason that it prevents me from yummy Vietnamese sandwiches.

Kidding. I'm kidding, not having a uterus anymore has been pretty cool.

The sun came up.

Fuck.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

wait you are korean ?

***

It’s not something I advertise but yes. African too. Mostly fluent in the three biggest European languages but can read and understand Korean, Yoruba, Ewe, Hausa, and to a much smaller extent, Hebrew courtesy my sister-in-law. Since I’m already giving you my bio, Anon, I might as well add that I’m female, queer, and occasionally anti-America but always pro-murder-beheadings-sodomy-untold evil upon-Putin. And because I’ve gotten asks from people unsure how to address me re: my race, background, and culture, I don’t highlight my background often because (1) it’s often not relevant to the conversation, (2) I don’t want people sending me things to translate for them (the fandom already has many wonderful translators, please use them), and (3) …who actually does that? Just going around announcing what they are. Because I kid you not, I’ve actually gotten an ask from someone trying to pick apart my posts before to clarify whether I’m queer, Korean, Black, a woman… demanding that I assert and announce whether I’m any of those things. And that’s just weird.

I’m going on a bit of a tangent here but this just reminded me of something.

A couple months ago I got an ask from someone asking me to confirm something their ‘Korean oomf’ told them about jikook and Jimin. It was nonsense of course, but I didn’t say that at first. I instead asked that person for the source, to allow me speak to their ‘Korean oomf’ on Twitter. Just from the text and the way the grammar was written I could tell the person was a fraud. Scrolling back enough and cross-referencing their username confirmed it. They were a white person pretending to be a 22 year old Korean girl who knew someone that works in BigHit on Twitter. When I confirmed what they were for myself, I went back to the Tumblr person who sent the ask initially. I told them to avoid people who claim to be Korean telling them this or that, to instead stick with known ARMY translators (even solo stans have known legit translators who are actually Korean. At least I know PJMs and MYGs do so they have options too), and pay the most attention to what the members themselves say. They are very consistent. I’m saying this as someone who has seen a lot of idols - one thing about BTS is that all seven of them are very consistent. If you’re just noticing something about a member, I’d say you never really paid attention to them before. Anyway, in both their strengths and weaknesses, BTS are consistent, so listen to them and think for yourself rather than what some self-proclaimed Korean person on the internet is telling you.

I don’t write what I do here to convince anybody. But it’s not escaped my attention that, at least in jikook spaces, people place a premium on what Korean people think. On how k-jikookers feel, and that a good compliment here is to have a Korean joker acknowledge your blog, comment, or point. It stands to reason to some extent since Korean is very nuance-dependent and cultural cues and knowledge is important, but I also see how that deference is ripe for abuse. So, I’m not mad when people occasionally send me asks questioning why I write things or what I mean exactly though I think I’ve been clear, because it shows me people are still thinking critically about the media they consume. No matter who it’s from. I don’t respond because I don’t feel the need to defend myself to anybody, but I overall appreciate the sentiment behind that anon being questioning in the first place.

At the end of the day, I hope the strengths of my arguments can remain no matter my identity. And that we’re all spending more time actually having fun rather than engaging in tedious discourse.

Lol. Soapbox moment over. More fun asks please.

[knifearo]

Hi! i've recently been coming to terms with the fact im very likely aroace, with aromanticism being the Main One on my mind since i've been struggling a bit with accepting that its possible i may never Be in a traditional relationship, mostly due to the fact that so much of what people set up as milestones to reach in life revolve around romantic love.

I just wanted to say i've really appreciated your blog, its been really nice see your posts and its just been helping a lot in trying to navigate all this :) aromanticism feels like its not talked about anywhere near as much as it should be (feels like it'd help not only aroace ppl but like. everyone), and if i'd known that so many people felt this same way sooner i think it would've brought some relief.

it's been especially tough lately i think with not being a teenager anymore, meaning all my friends around me are finding romantic partners and i guess its tough not to feel like the 'second choice' (some of this stemming from anxiety rather than actually how they treat me), and navigating how i feel around all that (also realising that at this point im not just a late bloomer lol). its been a real help finding spaces online that have people talking about their variety of aspec experiences, and its nice to know there's others like me :)

hello, my dear anon <2

first of all: i'm so glad to provide a space for you that's helpful and comforting. community is so important, especially in experiences that can feel so isolating; no matter how you're feeling, at any point, there will always be people here to support you and listen to you and stand by your side. the aspec community is so important to me and i'm so happy to hear that it's been good to you :)

second of all: coming to terms with being aromantic can be difficult, for sure. the fact that so many of us use the words "coming to terms" is significant to begin with; it was very much the same for me, where it felt like a grieving process for a life that i never really wanted but was Told that i should have. it's difficult to work through the knowledge that the entire course of your life, as people set it up for you, is going to be changed away from what you were told would make you happy. this obviously isn't the same for everybody—i have a lot of people in my notes talking about how aromanticism was a wholly positive, freeing discovery for them—but. y'know. it's not like that for everybody, especially not at first. breaking out of amatonormativity is no easy task. just to express that i felt the same things right alongside you <3

especially with the fear of losing everyone around you to relationships... i mean, i think this is where community comes in again. there's a beautiful world out there where people are more aware of the intricacies of non-romantic relationships and the harms of amatonormativity and in that beautiful world we'll all be secure in knowing that our relationships with people will be important no matter the nature of them, but in the meantime, the security of being friends with other aspec people who are aware of all of this can be really comforting. you'll find the people who will stay by you no matter what, eventually, but forming those relationships with people who already understand is really nice. just like any queer relationships, i think. obviously there are cis people who will be cool but oh, the beauty and comfort and joy of t4t relationships in any form... aspec4aspec (a4a? do we have a general term for that? ace4ace aro4aro etc.) relationships are very important to me. helps to deal with that irrational anxiety, too. :)

one thing about being aromantic is that you will look around at the world and realize how innately helpful and revolutionary aromanticism would be if more people knew about it... again. a beautiful world someday. what we do for now is keep talking about it and keep sharing aro joy and keep developing our own important non-romantic relationships and promoting relationship anarchy and establishing our own lives and personhood on our own terms. so happy to have you here as aroace if that's the term you do land on <2 adore you, treasure you, etc., and i hope you have a wonderful wonderful day. feel free to check in anytime about anything! the ask box is always always open. xoxo

[wangjiclub]

I need to take this off my chest so I can move on.

Only Friends was a TopMew show disguised as an attempt to release a disruptive and innovative queer media.

Now that the show has ended and the world could see the product in its entirety we're able to judge it. I have no idea what actually went on behind the curtains or what was the real intention of the creators or how they view polygamy. But, as part of the audience and the target consumer, I feel like I'm able to talk about it and criticize it.

What they did to not only BostonNick but to NeoMark as well was horrible. How do you introduce them as part of the main 6, then forget about them along the way? The amount of screentime was diminishing as the episodes were released, and it was clear that scenes were cut off. The amount of disrespect.

Now, talking specifically about Boston. Up until episode 11 there were a lot of discussions going on about how Boston would pursue his relationship with Nick. First I'd like to side with the people who criticized his action when he spent a lot of time leading Nick on. He indeed did that and the scene I can give as an example was that one at the pool. Boston clearly said that he wanted to stop sleeping around so much because he'd rather fuck with someone who he could talk to. Now, he never said anything about being exclusive, but he knew how Nick felt and was manipulating the guy with his words so Nick could be more pliant. But I also agree with people saying that at that time he was already falling for Nick, just didn't know how to act upon it. He never felt like this before, it was all new to him.

When everything broke down (because of Sand) he felt so betrayed and more than that: heartbroken. He was already falling in love with Nick, he felt like he could be himself with Nick, so the punch hit hard. Now this is the moment when everything went wrong, including the narrative and the writer's view of the character. How come, in the middle of all these nasty young adults, the only one who gets kicked like he's nothing over and over again is the one who has a very active and out of the norm sex life? How dare them keep giving the majority part of the episodes to TopMew so they could develop that shitty plot line and cut it all all BostonNick/NeoMark scenes, the couple who actually needed the time?

A lot of things rubbed me the wrong way at the finale. The main one was the BostonBoeing situation. Not gonna lie, the kiss was insanely good, but there was no reason for it to happen. How come Boston was all lovey dovey towards Nick for at least two episodes, and like a sudden shift, he went all hoe mode (nothing against it honestly) and even talked about his boyfriend????? This doesn't make any sense. In the balcony scene, Boston TOLD Nick he would be the only one, and that's why people started to talk about how he could be monogamic. Then suddenly, someone who always defended himself by saying he never lied, just lies? Why didn't the writers put Boston and Nick to have a conversation about how things would work out? Open relationships are already very common, they could discuss some rules and limits. Nick could say that as Boston were about to leave in a few months he would feel better if it was exclusive and maybe Boston could accept it because it would be only for a few months and he loved Nick and he was leaving. Or Nick could try to understand and say what he wouldn't accept and they could try. It would be just for a moment, it's not like neither of them would have to become another person entirely. They. Could. Work. It. All.

The writers decided not to.

But bow down to Neo in his final scene. The emotion on his eyes. Wow. Boston was so sad, so miserable at this moment. He didn't deserve any of that.

They destroyed BostonNick to give the righteous couple, TopMew, the space and dedication so the audience would not be upset. F*ck me. If they wanted to please these people, why did they approve of Only Friends? Why didn't they turn TopMew's plot into a solo show or something? The whole narrative loved to make Mew stand out like the moral standard he thinks he is. But congratulations to Book! His acting made me dislike Mew entirely.

And I'd like to talk a little about Force. I felt like he did much better when he was acting opposed to anyone but Book. I didn't feel ForceBook's chemistry at all. But maybe it was just this time, I still have to watch their other works.

But that's it. I'm tired of being angry, I'll search fanfics to cure my broken heart.

[juliusthedressmaker]

Hi Julius! Too much I see people not respecting or acknowledging you're gay so to counter this I want to ask some things about your being gay /gen 🩷

how old were you when you found out you're gay? did you have any self denial or struggling accepting it? would you have come out of the closet earlier if you could have? when did you come out of the closet? did you have any boyfriends before Killian or ever have any other male sexual partners generally? was it difficult being married to Emily? what's one the biggest advice you have for gay teens who are in a similar position you were? and do you have any advice for queer people on the best way to come out?

Love you Julius!!! 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

All questions I'm more than glad to answer ^w^ asks like these make me happy ♡◕u◕

I was 13 when I figured out I was attracted to men and realized I had no to attraction to women, I was 16 when I figured out I was without a doubt, a flaming faggot.

I wouldn't say I had trouble accepting it or ever in denial. I was more just annoyed at first because I knew just how much more difficult my life was about to become, you know?

As far as coming out, it's never been a big thing for me. I never officially did or didn't. Yes, I'm gay but there's more to me than just that - I don't like people who perceive me being gay as my entire identity and everything there is to know about me, you know? I feel very fetished often, I don't like that which is why I don't make much comments about my sexuality unless explicitly needed. I'm a man, who is attracted to men. What the fuck is the point of announcing it? Is it not clear enough when I kiss my husband on the cheek? Is it really that important or even necessarily anyone's business if I don't wish it to be? No.

Regarding partners other than Killian... before him, hm..none of them were wanted if you understand, you know? After Killian, I've had sex with a few other men, engaged in sex acts with a handful but unlike people often think, I'm generally very faithful and I'm honestly not a hoe as much as I joke about it. I had no relationships before Killian, other than the one I was faking with Emily. I did not kiss Emily until I was 17, after I had already kissed Killian.

Yeah, it sucked for a lot of reasons being married to Emily. She wasn't an awful person but I can't help resenting her - albeit I didn't murder her. I certainly took my anger out on her when I was alive as a human though, you know? It wasn't pretty. It wasn't happy, not ever for me and not after the first 9 months was it happy for her easier. But it was the 1890s and we were Irish Catholics in the community, in Boston. Women had no legal rights like they do today and divorce wasn't even a concept to us either.

For queer youth in unsafe spaces, my biggest advice is that it's better to stay in the closet until it's safe for you to come out. Advice for coming out, is to make it not a big thing. Casually mentioning it rather than a big announcement usually is going to go better and calmer.

:)<3

[likehephaestionwhodied]

Can you pretty please make a history of leather lesbians post? Your reblog about lesther daddies made me cry because it was so full of love and respect.

I'm gonna start with the bad news, which is no I can't. That post and the specifics of that post come from 1. being a leatherman and 2. months of intense research prepping to write my master's thesis. And so that is full of academic history. And I'm not knocking non-academic history; I rely on non-academic community history for my thesis; almost entirely, there is very little academic history on the community. But that's the thing, it's community history and I've never been a member of that community.

This is not good or bad news, but because of the nature of some leather spaces, particularly the ones I write about in my thesis, there is very little if any, cross-over of gay men and lesbian leather. THIS DOES NOT MEAN IT DOES NOT HAPPEN but this is why I know very little.

During the 70s there was an anti-sex push that affected gay leathermen and leather lesbians differently. Leather lesbians were in the trenches fighting for their right to also be feminists because there was a huge feminist movement that all sex is bad, particularly sex that looks like or is heterosexual sex and leather/SM is abuse etc. etc. Which is a dynamic that is different from what leathermen are looking at which is more "we should try to be like heterosexuals and stop having so much weird sex"

The good news is I do have some things you could read if you want to get a rudimentary grasp of lesbian leather history.

Leatherfolk: Radical Sex, People, Politics, and Practice edited by Mark Thompson. This is a collection of essays by leatherfolk, by virtue of the editor being a gay leatherman there's an over-representation of gay men in this collection but there are essays by lesbians. Gayle Rubin [who we're gonna talk more about later] writes about a fisting club for gay men but she talks about when Lesbians and women in general were included. But there are other essays by lesbians about lesbians.

Coming to Power: Writings and Graphics on Lesbian S/M Edited by members of SAMOIS a lesbian/feminst S/M Organization. This is going to be probably the most helpful to anyone looking for a historical grounding in Lesbian leather. It's not a text on the history of leather rather, it's a primary source, these are leather lesbians talking about their experence. The unfortunate thing is, and you'll run into this a lot with niche community groups, it's hard to get your hands on. You're looking at 150-200 dollars if you want to buy the third edition. But I found it on accident in my university's library, so you might be able to find it in your local academic library (I am in the middle of Nebraska so there's a little bit of hope for you, too where ever you are.) OR you might be able to get it through interlibrary loan, there might also be like PDF copies floating around.

There are two people I'll point you towards as being the two people I know that have written on this subject.

Patrick Califia: Patrick is a trans man who, in the late 70s and early 80s prior to identifying as a trans man, was a big name in the San Francisco lesbian leather community. He is featured three times in Coming to Power and has an essay in Leatherfolk he is referenced in a lot of the gay male press as being the lesbian point of contact, also an erotica writer. So his early stuff might be helpful.

Gayle Rubin: If you are want to read heavy academia about queers in general, Rubin is who you should start with. She essentially invents Queer Theory with her article "Thinking Sex." the most pertinent article for my answer to you is "The Leather Menace" The title itself is a derivative of "lavender menace," and it plays with this theme that you see over and over and over again across the queer leather community of being a marginalized community inside an already marginalized community.

Rubin also wrote one of the best academic pieces on the gay male leather community The Valley of the Kings, it was never published and exists in only two places, Ann Arbor at the University of Michigan and Chicago at the Leather Archives and Museum. I have not gotten to read it in full. Someday I'll grow the balls to email her and ask her if there's an easier way to read it.

If you read these anthologies, goggle these women, google the organizations they mention. I know absolutely nothing about Dykes on Bikes but surely someone's written some kind of history about them.

If you have the chance go to The Leather Archives and Museum, there's a heavy emphasis on gay leathermen, but it is a community archive for all the leather community.

The thing about digging for the history of this community is there is no published "here is the history of the leather community" you have to read this person's memoir and the clippings you could find of this or that publication and someone's history of this that or some other organization.

I'm sure if some 50-year-old Leather Dyke comes across this, it'll be met with, "Okay, kid you have no idea what you're talking about." and to her and everyone else, I'd say, "yeah, no, I don't have a clue." this is just where I would start if I wanted to dig into this topic.

[some-pers0n]

infodump about tf2 ships por favor

i am very curious about the silly violent gay old men

You have no idea what you've just unleashed. You just asked me, the person who has to have an opinion on borderline everything, my thoughts and feelings on the ships for the game I've been hyperfixating on for over half a year.

This is gonna be probably a long one full of unhinged and disjointed rambles about Science Party, so click if you wanna see that. I love rambling about TF2 and these guys, which is funny since 99% of this is me being delusional and making stuff up (despite talking about it like it's canon).

Now, I should put something here first and foremost. I don't actually...ship any of the characters romantically that much. Even my OTP is literally a queer-platonic pairing. It's mostly because I see the mercs as all being good buddy chum friends, despite them all being queer as hell. Yes, I love and reblog ship art and ship discussions like a madman, but I think my aro/ace brain just likes thinking of them more as all being pals. Also doesn't help I headcanon a third of them as being aro/ace (though only one is negative/repulsed by romance and sex, the others are neutral and positive respectively).

I suppose let's start off with the ship that's entirely rotted my brain: Science Party, or Engie/Medic. I don't think I've quite been this obsessed over a relationship as I've been with this one. Like,, any other ship I've encountered, I either like or don't like them. If I like them, I feel inclined to make content about it and just have some fun with this.

Not with this. I think this is the only ship I've ever encountered that I actually 'ship' with how passionate and in-love with it I am about it. It's quite fun and has lead me to start writing my newest longfic as well.

Science Party I just...adore. The dynamic of two evil geniuses together already ignites a neuron in my brain, but there's more to it. Medic is an unhinged and impulsive wildcard that does anything that crosses his mind. He's got an extremely inflated ego and a pretty big god complex. Then, you got Engie, who is like Medic in every regard as well. The catch is that he's a bit more controlled. Don't mistake that for him being more sane or anything though. I feel like he admires Medic for just dropping everything and not giving a shit about looks or appearances, instead being his true, uninhibited self.

Then you get to the interactions and just...me little heart... I've always envisioned Medic as being an uncaring and apathetic guy when it comes to others and their concerns. Low empathy, if you will. However, as his relationship grows with Engie, he begins to care about him just a smidge more, which is saying a lot for Mr. The Healing Is Not As Rewarding As The Hurting. He cares about Engie, enough so to be partners with him rather than friends.

Oh, I should also probably explain that a bit. Medic doesn't exactly like being 'friends' with people, so instead he's partners with Engie. I like the word, partners. If you also notice, I only use the word 'partner' in SAR whenever I'm referring to their relationship.

Anyways, Engie helps Medic open up and feel a bit more. But how does Medic help Engie? Well, I feel by being his unhinged and 'he has 57 mental illnesses and is banned in most public spaces' self, Engie sees somebody he wants to be. Medic doesn't care. He is happy and unchained by responsibilities and a commitment to be a functioning member of society. I could go into why Medic feels this way, but I'll probably end up just saying something along the lines of: "SOCIETY! SOCIETY!!!"

So, Engie has got some issues for lack of a better term. Even as a merc, Engie likes keeping up that mask of being a light-hearted good ol' Texan. He likes that persona, not only because it's the one he's always used but it's just a nice, likeable personality, but he also likes the idea of just going 'fuck it, we ball' like Medic. Medic encourages him to be more creative and detach from that sort of mindset. He tells him that he should do what makes him happy as opposed to doing what his family wants him to do.

They're just...really nice together. I don't know how else to put it. I always saw them as really similar in that regard, both being intelligent and highly regarded members of the team for their supportive roles. Beyond that, they're both clearly nuts in a similar way. They're just...the sillies. I love them.

I've got a lot of opinions on a bunch of other ships, but that's a discussion for another time (or until somebody pokes me about them). Science Party is the one I feel the most about by far, though.

[wrongcaitlyn]

How realistic or related to irl do you plan on making tgol? You have absolutely no obligation to make this fic very political, but it’s a bit insane how much our current real-world problems could have an affect on the characters 😭😭 So would you rather make it “lifelike” or will they belong to a more perfect world?

honestly... it's a bit complicated😭 i think that in my head, it's very realistic because i see things happening every day and think in my head "this is what nico di angelo would do" (yk, like actually supporting palestine, posting links to donate, donating himself), and also, i do think that he would be a very political singer. as in, he would definitely speak his mind about causes that are important to him - like laws against trans people, the don't say gay act... lots of other things too. so in my head, he absolutely is speaking on these matters (conservatives hate him)

however, my only thought abt writing that into the actual fic is just... where's the limit, then? if i mention something about him talking about a particular event, what about the several other issues that i'm not writing about? all of this is taking place in the past, and i'm already forgetting the characters' literal birthdays, so i would have needed to write it into the plot from the very beginning on what the political state of the us is, what laws are being passed, what politicians are being elected - logically, i know that all of these things have such a huge impact on the characters, as politics do, but i just don't have the time to do all that research (aka, going back into past news articles that describe all of that stuff throughout the past five years) for what is really a coming of age popstar au story that may be angsty at times, but isn't meant to be taken too seriously.

so the real answer is that i'm limiting the activism that i write into the fic to charity groups/other activists that are fictional. the chase space, for example, is helping queer youth, and i intend to (spoiler) make it so that he announces all the proceeds from a certain merch line will go to benefit that. the chase space isn't a *real* charity, but i do want to convey that he's using his platform for good - and that's the best way that i can see myself doing it/being able to incorporate it plot-wise. other than that, i think a lot of his posts are supporting various charities and he has petitions linked in his bio pretty much all the time, it's just not necessarily mentioned in the fic.

whether that means that they all live in a perfect world or that the issues are still there and the activism is still happening, just not being written down, however, is up to you. i know that fanfic is often used as escapism (myself included), and i don't want to force people to see it as very realistic if they don't want to - but if they do, then that's up to them!

i think i, personally, see it as a mix of both. and the fic will cover general issues - like, for example, transphobia, homophobia, misogyny all still exist - and these issues will be confronted using things like the chase space and something else that i've been planning as a sort of background plotline. but specific political issues won't be written into the fic because of the aforementioned reason. but thank you for the ask!! i feel like i was kind of unintentionally avoiding confronting these things and it was good to finally put it to words! <3

[wsdanon]

hii ^_^ did you know that to sail up wind you have to be at a 45 degree angle to directly upwind. anything closer is called being in irons and you will not be able to leverage the wind to move forward. to move across this space is called tacking, and the boom (the metal pole that holds the sail at a 90 degree angle to the mast) will swing across the boat and the crew will have to jump to the other side of the boat so the crew doesn't add to the weight of the wind on the sail, capsizing the boat. this isnt so much a worry on larger sailing vessels, but on something like a racing dinghy (anywhere from 14 to 18 ft) if you dont move to the windward side fast enough, you will definitely flip the boat. Tacking is relatively safe, and the boom doesn't move far when you cross the wind, as it's held in place by the main sheet, the rope that attaches to the boom and controls the amount of slack on the sail. jibing, on the other hand, is a maneuver where you cross the wind while heading downwind. This can be rather tricky in a small boat that is easily capsized. When heading downwind, the sail will be at at almost a 90 degree angle to the rest of the boat, hanging out over the water. When you cross the wind while heading downwind, the boom will violently swing across the boat and over to hang out above the water on the other side.

Very brief lesson on tacking and jibing if you do not know about it already ^_^ hopefully this is worth anything.

on the other hand, im super interested abt what you have cooking for yamwbfv. Whats in store for tazercraft and fit at the base they're checking out? where do they go after?

hi \o/ i didn't actually know much about sailing this is very interesting! if i decide on a yamwbfv ending where they sail out of there (aka mike's current plan) i'm coming back to this ask lol. i think the most i've done with boats is rowboat on a river which is much less complicated

for your question (and i'll put it under a cut because it contains slight/vague spoilers):

at the base isn't too much. mostly just need to tick off some things (getting fresh water, cleaning up a bit, some conversations) the content of the conversation i want to happen here will be me trying to expand on fit's character more. i want to expand on things that are a bit more specific to him outside of just the queerness. there are a few things i have in mind to touch on but only one of them will be coming up in this next chapter--which i've already started now \o/

that being said, i judge chapter length based on approximate word count + whether the ideas i wanted to address are finished. if i feel like the word count is under what i'm aiming for i'll add something else (this hasn't really happened yet but i keep it in mind) so maybe more stuff will come up at the end of the chapter i'll have to see how i'm feeling

i don't mind mentioning this because it was kind of in the list that happened in chapter three but next thing to check off is going mining + setting up their new base. not sure whether it'll happen in this chapter coming up or the next but there will be some talk of fit and pac's prosthetics. on a wider scale: mike is still kind of emotionally regaining strength after everything that happened in the last chapter so he'll be taking a bit of a backseat for the moment. he'll still be doing stuff, just not taking centre stage as much

i have a lot of ideas both my own and from prompts that i'm working through (which is good because this is supposed to be a slowburn lol) so i won't go into all of them here but i hope this little bit interests you \o/

[spicybylerpolls]

Dear Spicy Byler Polls,

i love your in-depth response to the anon about rooting for finn to be queer and the difference between accusations of queer-baiting and excited speculation.

the main difference does seem to be entitlement, and public forums. for example, commenting on someone's literal social media post? rude. are they going to reply personally to you? no! but i think people honestly forget or dont care that the celeb can see that. they have something to say, and they think they have the right to say it. so they do.

so my main issue is being told i can't speculate amongst friends (which is what this blog often feels like) when we are pretty hidden over here. i certainly would never want to interact with finn or even comment on his posts, as i dont feel i have anything to contribute to his life. but i love to observe and wonder in my own space on the internet, because it does serve me to do that, and i am not hurting finn, which is what matters.

but lastly i will just say that the ambiguity of how we interpret things is maybe what freaks people out about speculation. for example, i had a hunch that noah was queer way before this debate and s4, but it didnt matter in my life so i wasnt boasting to anyone about being right when he came out. it wasnt about me! who cares what i thought? my hunch was also based on nebulous things that arent quantifiable and definitely would not hold up in a court of law (lol), so it also seemed trite to describe them.

whereas sadie simply saying she likes an artist who is queer, for me is very silly evidence because that essentially makes everything into a message, and if a large majority of the straight community realised that queer folk think them liking queer art made them queer, it would stop them liking that art (or rather, being open about how much they liked it), in case people started saying ooooh you must be queer! not that being queer is bad, but that the jump in logic is pretty large. its like saying oooh you've got a friend who is queer, you must be queer too! it was a wonder it didnt happen as much as it could have with queen in the 80s - the music was so good, people didnt care. same for elton john. but im sure plenty refused to listen based on the rep alone.

I personally am not queer, and if i had a platform of fans, and i said oooh i love boygenius, and some of those fans started thinking i was queer because of that, i would feel like they were reading too deeply. because my queerness would not be expressed through enjoying music, which is a universal thing. if they started to notice actual queer behaviours in me that i also acknowledged were queer, and i was questioning, i would be like ok, they've seen through me.

so as a straight person who is fascinated by modern (and older) queer culture, its kind of funny to me to see the ways modern queer folk interact with people who are unlabelled.

it seems to have gone from the old ways of safely finding others queers, like asking if theyre part of the family (which would have been an assumption based on instinct and vibes, and which was relatively easy to dismiss if they were in fact straight), to either demanding someone comes out, or relying on vague indicators of sexual identity, like someone's taste in music or even whether they wear rainbows.

these things might be big for the queer community, but they already have meanings in the straight ones, too. liking rainbows does not make you queer or even indicate you are queer.

of course, the queer community have used these ambiguous ways to find each other, but the whole point is that they remain double meanings in order to protect the secret language of queerness. 'are you family' means one thing to straights and another to queer folk, but now, in modern culture, lots of queer people seem to be insisiting that it MUST mean only one thing: gayness. for example, someone wearing rainbows? they must be gay. they must be flagging. despite the millenia-long history of the existence of rainbows and their popularity in pop culture.

in modern gay culture, many people seem to think they are entitled the queerness of others because they sense it. whereas back in the day, you get the sense that if someone did not respond positively to 'are you part of the family?' then you would leave them alone, not demand that they come out because they would be happier if they did so and lived their truth.

do you think this speaks more about the internet age than it does about queer culture itself? and can queer culture every be extricated from the internet age? can any modern culture, now? i love that young queer folk are living more freely, but it seems to have swung a horrible way, towards entitlement for a lot of people online. and all that does is make them unhappy when their faves dont come out. i understand that queer people are oppressed and need idols and role models more than straight folk. but you can still enjoy an artist's work even if they dont share your sexual identity, cant you? it might help to make your experience more universal if you can acknowledge that not everything is about sexual identity. we want gay love stories like stranger things to bring straight folk and queer closer, not divide them by making sure gay communities remain separate, surely?

i hope i'm not being unfair.

Thank you for your thoughts! I hadn't really considered the straight perspective in all of this. You bring up a lot of interesting points, and I don't agree with all of it, but I don't necessarily disagree either.

You're right that sometimes rainbows are just rainbows and that, "These things might be big for the queer community, but they already have meanings in the straight ones, too. liking rainbows does not make you queer or even indicate you are queer."

I just had a vision of someone who is really into rainbows, putting them on literally everything, placing them in all their captions, placing them on all their bags, and everyone assumes they're flagging their sexuality. But then it turns out they're actually just a devout Southern Baptist, and they're really into the Noah's Ark story lol.

That being said, rainbows might be pretty universal, but I'd say there are symbols and clues that one might flag with that are very queer. And probably one or two of these things can be a coincidence. But just like with Mike's sexuality, it's not just one thing that clues us in but several subtle things piled on top of each other. And while of course "you can still enjoy an artist's work even if they don't share your sexual identity," there's a subtle magic when they do share it that I'd say can't be fully replicated by anything else.

The thing I find the most interesting about your message is your question, "Do you think this speaks more about the internet age than it does about queer culture itself? and can queer culture ever be extricated from the internet age? can any modern culture, now?" And I do think a lot of what you're critiquing is absolutely a part of the internet age in general. And it's not going away anytime soon.

The one thing I will clarify tho is that the Sadie Sink/girl in red thing is not a matter of her liking a queer artist but the context. At some point in like 2020 or 2021, "do you like girl in red?" actually became a very specific coded conversation/semi-meme for queer girls on TikTok.

So Sadie commenting I like girl in red btw on a girl's Instagram, followed by a winky face, is absolutely within that context. It's not about liking a queer artist, cause "I like Reneé Rapp" doesn't hold the same meaning even though they are both lesbians. And it's not even about liking girl in red as anyone can like her music (I love her music and I'm a guy), but about subtly communicating queerness in a specific way.

That being said, music/media in general ARE cultural signifiers that someone may be "safe," especially if there's a pattern. Like if someone's Spotify exclusively consists of boygenius and other similar artists, if they follow the Heartstopper cast on IG, and if their favorite films on Letterboxd are But I'm a Cheerleader, Bottoms, Carol, and Portrait of a Lady on Fire, that might be a sign lol.

I'm interested in my anons thoughts on this.

[gillianthecat]

GAP — episode 2

It seems like my GAP reactions have become the space in which I wax philosophical about various matters political and personal. But it's an excellent show nonetheless, I'm starting to really like it!

below the cut are my thoughts while watching:

- So does Sam know that she has a crush and is flirting like mad? I honestly can't tell how self-aware she is.

- Sam's friends! I love them all already. I appreciate that this show is populating Sam's world with interesting queer women. It feels like they've studied the boys' shows and are applying all the lessons carefully and skipping over a lot of the growing pains. So if Sam already knows she's queer, maybe she does realize she has a crush, she's certainly waiting by the phone anxiously. Then again, she seems not very in touch with her feelings in general.

- Ok. I hate grandmother. I love both the sisters. And Freen is great at portraying the two versions of Sam—young, open and vulnerable, and grown up, hard and walled off.

- On the one hand, I’m guessing that Sam just wants an excuse to keep bringing Mon into her office. Which is adorable. On the other hand, I’m having to actively work to not get annoyed at how bad a boss Sam is being. Not so much the meanness, that I can handle, but at how unskillful she is at it. Just telling your employee (who is brand new to the office and to the working world in general!) "change it" and "it doesn’t wow me" without giving any specifics? That is not the way to get the results you want with any efficiency. On the third hand, I am relieved not to hear them rambling on about "influencers" and marketing." So possibly a win overall. And their dynamic is great.

- And Mon called her out for it it! Bless you, darling. Sam tried to pull that boss bullshit are you just lazy? thing, but at least I know the show isn't ignoring it. And that is enough for me to be content, I think.

- I think I may actually really like this show? I was going to watch it regardless as long as it wasn't completely terrible (and I made it all the way through fahlanruk, so clearly my tolerance for terrible is high) just to a) support Thai GL, and b) see what they would do, but it's turning out to be very good. A solid story, good characters, lots of really good details, and it feels genuinely queer. I'm so pleased.

- The one sticking point for me is the whole influencer social media thing, but thinking about it, I can see how that was the best choice. If they want to make a billionaire romance with a cruel boss and and an ingenue employee, which I fully support because it's a genre with a lot of delicious potential, especially when made lesbian (I have no interest billionaire romance when done straight á la Fifty Shades of Gray, but love it when it's played with in some way) then they need a company for the billionaire to run. And they need to find something that a) could realistically become profitable in this day and age, b) Lady Sam could plausibly be passionate about, because the tension between her love for running a business and grandmother's pressure on her to live a traditional heterosexual life is crucial to the story they're telling, and c) feels cool and hip to fit the aesthetic of the show. So it can't be a paper company or something boring, and advertisers have always been the sexy creatives of the business world. "Content Creators" aren't as interesting, but they are more modern and more plausible as a start up business. And so while social media marketing still makes me recoil, and I honestly think is responsible for a lot of ills in this world,* I do understand their reasoning and I think that will allow me to tolerate and ignore it. I just hope Sam learns how to be an effective boss at some point along the way too!

*I didn't find Mad Men's ad agency setting off-putting in the same way. Perhaps because the creativity is more obvious in what they were doing, perhaps because it was all set in the past so it had that nostalgic fascination rather than watching people work at something that is actively making the world and my own life worse today. Not that advertising in the 60's didn't do a shit ton of harm to the world that continues to fuck over the planet. But I don't personally feel it as viscerally. Plus I think there is less creativity in the sort of content creation that Lady Sam's company seems to be doing, although to be honest the whole show is keeping it all pretty vague for now.

- Tangent over. I love how full of queer women this show is! It's not just the main couple, it's both of Sam's sisters, probably all of her friends, and even the villain and/or faen fatale! The only heterosexual couple (besides the parents) were kicked off the show in the first half an hour, in a loss for workers' rights but a victory for gay rights. And the only confirmed straight guy is Mon's creepy friendzoned neighbor, who is all but discarded. (Kirk may be straight, but it's not confirmed yet.)

- Speaking of which, I'm kind of excited to see what this villainous woman is going to do.

- I suspect most people associate Heng with Sky and expect him to be good, but my strongest association is with his character from War of Y so I keep waiting for him to be at least mildly evil.

- I actually really appreciate that this migraine is a situation in which taking medicine actually makes sense to me. Characters in Thai shows keep taking medicines for ailments that don't seem fixable with medicine and it always slightly annoys me. I don't know if that's part of the general Thai approach to health, or if it's just a shorthand for caretaking that dramas have developed, but it is so different from my approach.

- Oh how tender. Her head on her lap. I like this rendition of the caretaking trope. It uses the tropes, but puts its own spin on it to make it feel interesting and real.

- (I feel like I had that shirt pattern as wallpaper as a child. I'm not knocking Mon's outfit, I love her workwear style! But it definitely has a late eighties/early nineties vibe, especially combined with the oversized blazer in that shade of pink.)

- I love how even half asleep and knocked out with pain and drugs Sam (pardon me, Hon. Lady Sam) is still bossy and prickly and rude.

- Sleepy taxi head to shoulder slide my beloved! (I don't know what to call this trope, but it's always a good one.)

- I don't think I've ever seen That Fucking House 1.0 from the street before. I always pictured it somewhere more suburban and quiet.

- I love their dynamic so much! And I'm glad that Mon is getting the stars knocked out of her eyes—it makes for a much more interesting story (and a healthier relationship) if she has to fall back in love with the real Sam, rather than coasting on hero worship.

- Omg, I adore prickly bossy Sam. She is so cat coded. Be polite. Why are you so formal. Text me. Why are you texting me, you should call. Why are you calling me. 😸 I thought maybe it was because I'd just watched Choco Milk Shake so I'm imagining cats everywhere. But no. Mon really is another cat. I love her. And just like Milk, she is totally confused by her feelings and has no idea how to act around her crush. She sure sat up quick though 😹

- Oh Mon baby. My darling. How heartbreaking to find out that your idol, your forever crush, is not the person you thought she was. That she's actually mean and rude and confusing and is a terrible boss. And you're just trying to be a good employee but you have no idea what she wants from you. Oh my darling.

- Oh my god, Sam has zero social skills. I mean, it makes sense why, but she is a disaster. Mon is doing a great job of telling her when she's being hurtful or confusing, and every time Sam doubles down on acting like an asshole. Sigh. I still love her though.

- I am glad that Mon has the spine to keep standing up to her. Otherwise their relationship would be doomed and hard to root for. She does it kindly, but clearly and with a strong sense of her own rights and needs as a person. That's hard to do for any brand new intern to their powerful asshole boss, let alone one who's been nursing a hero worship crush for over a decade.

- Oof this scene! Mon kneeling as Sam walks by glammed up with sunglasses on, and completely ignores her.

- I do like this accountant. And I'm inclined toward Kirk. No matter what his role ends up being. I appreciate his rich boy charm here.

- Omg. Of course she hand delivers the snack to Mon. In the rudest, most awkward manner possible. My favorite feral cat. And yes. The battle of wills has begun. ngl, I was nervous about the whole hero worship angle last week, but they're crushing that underfoot quite nicely.

- Does Kirk know about her crush? Maybe even before she does, lol. Also I'm so relieved that Sam has all these friends who tease her when she's got a stick up her ass and treat her like a human being and also genuinely care for her.

- What a spiky kitty cat. Calm your fur, girl.

- This courtship is going to be amazing. I'm so excited to watch Sam flailing around trying and failing to act like a human around Mon. Kirk is all of us in his reactions. 😹

- Date date date! Wingmanned by the fiancé! Which, honestly is necessary at this point. They cannot handle being alone together yet.

- Jesus Christ Sam. You are the embodiment of that Get out of my school meme. I cannot believe the things coming out of your mouth.

- Oh no. Kitty cat, sweetheart, you're going to burn off the roof of your mouth. Stop trying to act cool in front of your crush. Mon's face 😂

- Lol. Well she fooled all of us. I guess she really is cool after all.

- Look at them! Managing to have an almost civil conversation! I'm liking this Kirk-Mon allyship that's developing. I don't know if it will withstand the pressure of the angst to come, but it's something Mon, and their developing relationship, need right now.

- Cat cat cat! She is such a cat. She refuses to look at Mon even though 100% of her attention is focused on her right now 😸 ooh and the boyfriend comment made her gruum-py!

- I can't tell what Kirk knows (I can't even tell what Sam and Mon know about themselves at this point) but I love him for playfully calling out Sam about posing on her car 😸

- Damn! Sam is already asking who Mon is sleeping with. My beloved ill mannered alley cat. And she's so proud of her little joke 😸

- Aw. Mon's crush is back and she is giddy with it. And what an ending moment.

I'm excited about this show now. They're doing so many things right! The story seems solid and well structured, a good base to carry the relationship through to the end. And I feel like they're hitting the right balance for Mon and Sam's dynamic. Sam is spiking and mean and awkward, and a terrible boss, but we also see her with her friends so we know that she can take teasing and be human sometimes, and that she has people in her life that love her. She's mean enough to build that delicious tension, but vulnerable enough that I can see why Mon likes her, and I don't feel like I need to yell at her to run away. And Mon has a good balance between being open and awestruck, while still having the backbone to stand up to her hero. It reassures me that their relationship is going to feel equal, not like a creepy boss taking advantage of her employee. Those sorts of extreme power dynamics are not what I'm looking for in a story; what I like about subverted billionaire romance is seeing how the characters manage the power dynamics in order to have a real relationship.

Based on the trailer and the grandmother's everything, I'm pretty sure this series is going to get angsty and sad. But given the nuance with which they've been treating the characters so far, I trust them to handle it well.