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brighttears · 1 year

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i love your characterization of Joel!! he’s just the perfect mix of protective and angsty and sweet!

id like to request a drabble or fic (whatever one you’re comfortable with) of Insecure! joel. Maybe it’s because of the age gap, or he feels like he can’t protect you well enough like younger guys can! i really loved the fic where he’s watching the reader sleep and the convo they have after it’s so sweet. Maybe a little bit of a continuation of that?

sorry if this is all over the place, and if you decide to write this then thank you! :)

Joel Miller x reader

No physical description except for having hair, no use of y/n, completely gender neutral

Warnings: language, mentions of death, age-gap, pet names (baby)

Word count: 1.5k

A/n: I know my writing has been lacking so I hope this isn’t trash and thank you for the request !! I enjoyed writing this :3

—

Joel smooths his hair back, sighing at the gray in his reflection. He turns his head to the side and pulls at the lines connecting his nose to his mouth, then his cheek down, which accentuates the tired gouges under his eyes. He inspects the crow’s feet reaching out to his temple. Are those freckles, age spots, or just being unclean? He’d never noticed before how much of his mustache and beard were near completely gray. The knuckles of the hand on his face are scarred on top of scars from decades of fistfights and beatings. To be fair, the cracked mirror is extremely dirty, but Joel knows that doesn’t make a real difference. At the sink in the grimy bathroom, Joel condemns his reflection.

He’s old. Only recently had he realized this, or started paying real attention to it. With too much else to crowd his mind, Joel had almost forgotten his age; he hadn't had to think about it.

What really bothers him, aesthetics aside, is how his bones ache when the weather changes now, how his knees hurt and he’s out of breath when he walks up more than three flights of stairs. He reminds himself of his dad when he groans getting out of a seat and it takes him four times longer than it used to.

What all this means is he’s growing less capable, and it’ll only get worse, and there’s nothing he can do about it. He’ll only get slower and soon enough he’ll be deaf. He won’t be able to aim a gun or actually run. He snickers at the thought of dying from old age instead of a bullet.

His real worry isn’t with himself, though: it’s always you first. If he can’t run, how will he get you out of somewhere when you need to escape? If he can’t hear, how will he know if someone’s sneaking up behind him? What if you’re screaming for him and he can’t hear you? What if he doesn’t notice a Clicker in time? If his vision goes and he loses his aim then he can’t hunt to feed you, not to mention that a gun is the first line of defense against everything.

He’s been sure, pretty much since the day you met, that he is going to protect you until the day he dies, but he hadn’t been thinking about the threat of aging.

Interrupting him, you push the door open and stroll into the bathroom. You come up behind him to slink your hands around him and knit your fingers together on his pudgy belly. Leaning to the side so that you can look at the reflection of you and him, your cheek presses against the side of his arm. Joel moves a hand over yours and sighs, a smile teasing his lips.

“Look at you, pretty boy.” You tell his reflection. He titters. “What’s so funny?”

“I was just thinkin’… ‘bout how I look like I could be your dad.”

You pull away, playfully punch his arm and laugh, “Fuck off!”

“I do, though, look.” Joel takes your wrist to lightly pull you back to him at the sink, holding you by your middle behind you, he rests his chin on your shoulder so that faces are side by side in the mirror.

Joel reaches a hand up to touch your hair, holding a piece up to be viewed. His head moves up and down from his stable chin as he talks, “My hair’s goin’ gray.”

“You’re a silver fox.” You counter.

Joel chuckles. “Silver fox?”

“Yes.” You turn in his arms to face him, “You trying to tell me you're ugly? Because you should know not to even try it.”

“I’m tryin’ t’say I’m old.”

“‘Old’ isn’t the first word that comes to mind." You reach up to run your hand through his hair, speaking to it, "But, first of all, it means you’ve made it far enough to start getting gray hair. And I mean, these days, people start going gray by the time they’re thirty. I don’t know why you’re so worried about it.”

“I’m not just talkin’ about the hair. I mean, I’m gettin’… less and less capable. Not that I was ever—” he pauses, deciding on different words, but they’re not much better, “I’m gettin’ worse.”

“Worse?” Your forehead creases, “I don’t like this rabbit hole you’re going down.”

“It’s not a rabbit hole. It’s the truth.”

“Joel. The fact that you’re fifty six” Joel inwardly cringes at you saying his age out loud, “means that you’re more than capable. You should wear it as a badge of honor.”

“I’m not talkin’ ‘bout how I feel about it, I’m talking about my faculties.”

“No, I know. I’m trying to say that your age represents how fucking good you are at surviving. It’s badass.” You raise your eyebrows at him.

“I’m not concerned about me.” Is all he replies with.

There’s a pause. You sigh and survey his face. “I trust you. I know you can keep me safe.”

Joel pulls away from you, frustrated, “That doesn’t matter. I mean, it matters, but that’s still not what I’m talkin’ about. I can try as hard as I want, and I’m gonna do everything I can to keep you safe, but what about when tryin’s not enough?” Joel’s looking at you, but not really—really, he’s flipping through the thoughts in his head, perfervid, “What about when tryin’ is too slow? When I can’t fight someone off’a me? Or you? What about when I go fuckin’ blind and can’t shoot a gun? I mean I’m already fuckin’ up, I can’t—I can’t—”

“Are you saying you want me to leave? I’m too much for you?”

“No, no baby no, I don’t want you to go please don’t go—”

“Joel, calm down.” You put your hands on his shoulders to get his attention but speak softly to bring him down, “You are getting in your head about this. Everything is ok. You’re fine, I’m fine.”

“But what about—“

“I don’t care, Joel, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is right now. That’s all I can afford, and your soul’s just as broke as mine is. Can you just be here, with me, now?”

“Yes, yeah, I can. You’re right baby I’m sorry—”

“You don’t need to be sorry Joel.” You smile, almost chuckling at him, “I’m not scolding you, you’re not in trouble for worrying.” You give him a short, soft kiss but he won't let it go, chasing your lips. He puts his hand behind your head to hold it in place and then brings the rest of him to you with his hand on your jaw. He repeatedly smacks your lips but deepens the kiss each time. And then you’re making out, which Joel loves to do because it makes him feel young again. When he pulls back away, you wrap your arms around his neck, naturally beaming. Joel takes notice of the wrinkles on your own face, the crow's feet and smile lines like his. He traces a finger over them.

Sometimes the love makes his chest ache. His heart has a habit of making it feel like he’s already lost whatever it is it’s loving. Love and fear muddle together sometimes, and he's not always sure which one he’s feeling when he looks at you. All he knows is that no matter how tightly he holds you, you never feel close enough, and no matter how long he does, it always feels like you’re about to slip away. With his age, he’s not afraid of dying first, it is exactly the opposite; Joel is terrified of you dying first, because of him.

Part of him wants you to leave him, find someone younger, stronger, faster, still sharp, someone who can protect you better than he can. He’d even tried shoving you away once, but you would have none of it. That’s when he opened up for the first time about his insecurity with his age, and that was the first time you saw him cry.

The rest of him says that he can’t live without you. What else is there left to do if it’s not for you? You are his risk, the twine holding him here, what keeps him awake, what reminds him that his skin can be supple. He is a shield, but he is built out of wood.

You take both of your hands to caress Joel’s face and whisper, “Grow old with me.”

He brings his hands over yours, feeling the warmth of your skin against his. Your finger twirls a lock of gray next his ear, thumb brushing down his cheek, palm on his patchy beard. He relaxes into your touch. From it, he knows where he is now, what’s real. He understands that you’re right here with him, safe and sound, letting him love you, and that’s what matters. Years and heart be damned, love ages, but it doesn’t get old.

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writergeekrhw · 2 years

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Hey, hope you are well. I was wondering what you considered your finest contribution to the various shows you have worked on? The character/character moment/plot point/favourite line that, if someone invented a time machine and tried to go back and erase that specifically, you would end up fighting them on a rooftop in the rain to protect?

Oh man, that one is pretty much impossible to answer. I've written over 80 episodes of TV and worked on over 300, so it's hard for me to pick my favorite episodes let alone my favorite moments or lines, etc. I'm most proud of the body of work and how deep it is, but let's see if I can think of a few highlights:

TNG:

"A Fistful of Datas" - The title is really good! I'm happy I got Picard to play his flute. The Worf/Data kiss was me, though I wrote it on the lips.

DS9 (A lot of these are with Ira):

"Q-Less" - "You hit me. Picard never hit me." "I'm not Picard."

"The Wire" - "My dear Doctor, they're all true." "Even the lies?" "Especially the lies."

"Past Tense 1&2" - All of it really.

"To the Death" - The whole "Victory is life" bit and O'Brien's response

"In Purgatory's Shadow" - "Lying is a skill like any other. And if you want to maintain a level of excellence, you have to practice constantly." "You Cardassians are all alike. You talk too much." "How can I forget it? It was the only day."

"By Inferno's Light" - Dukat's big speech. "That space station you're so fond of was built by Cardassia." "Funny. I thought it was built by Bajoran slave labor." "I yield! I cannot defeat this Klingon. All I can do is kill him, and that no longer holds my interest." "Armageddon will have to wait for another day."

"Call to Arms" - The end with Sisko's baseball.

"Field of Fire" - Snipering the melon. Who the bad guy ends up being and what his motive is.

Also: "Hard Time" "For the Uniform" "Little Green Men"

ANDROMEDA:

Proud of creating my first show. I think the cast I had control over (everyone but Dylan) is pretty great.

"Under the Night" - "Oh, he's the guy who retired. Didn't you say he bought a farm?" "The farm. Bought the farm, Trance." "What's the difference?" "Torn pressure suit and a bad emergency seal." Tyr's entrance.

"An Affirming Flame" - "I don't care if we wake up when the suns have all burned out and the universe is winding down to die, as long as I'm there to watch."

"Angel Dark, Demon Bright" - Harper's big speech. "Those are my mathematics. I'll leave you to yours." I like the way time travel works in this one.

"Music of a Distant Drum" - Tyr correcting the kid's shooting grip

"Harper 2.0" - "My pain belongs to the Divine. It is like air. It is like water."

"It's Hour Come Round at Last" - "To hell with the odds. All that matters in life is that we try. Promise you'll try."

THE TWILIGHT ZONE:

I'm proud to have written a Twilight Zone even if it wasn't in the original run.

THE DEAD ZONE:

"Descent" - Triggering a JohnnyVision by having him brushed by a passing bat.

THE DRESDEN FILES:

Underrated show in my opinion. I'm proud of co-developing it. Production was rough so I'm proud I got the episodes done and the show on the air. I think the cast is really good. The moment when Harry has to get a wasp to sting him in the eye to use it as a spy drone is pretty memorable.

THE 4400:

Richard Tyler in the diner seeing how much the world has changed. Ali is so good in that scene. We knew we had lightning in a bottle with him.

THE GATES:

"Little Girl Lost" is pretty good.

ALPHAS:

I wrote a lot of Gary's off the wall lines. "Left!" "Are you sure? Heart left, Gary?" Gary puts his hand over his heart. "No, right!" "Respect the badge!" Also casting Tatiana Maslany before she blew up was a really good call.

STAR-CROSSED:

I came up with a lot of how the Atrians culture and biology worked and I think that was all cool stuff. I loved Teri's "hold my gold" moment in "And Left No Friendly Drop," which was something that Chelsea Gilligan came up with in blocking, but I'll take credit for it. Teri punching the drone in "What Storm is This That Blows So Contrary" was fun.

(Elementary later)

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charkyzombicorn · 1 year

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Free ask: this ask is for you to talk about any au you wish.

ROGER'S GHOST AU LUFFY'S GRANDMA!!!!!

Her name is Monkey D. Lucielle and Garp took her name when they got married because Garp didn't have a last name (he was raised by monkeys on mount Colubo, so it just Worked)

Lucy and Garp were 23 when they had Dragon, they got married the next day (they thought it would be funny if Dragon was a bastard, Garp carried Lucy the entire day because she had a baby less than 24 hours ago). The same day Lucy started calling Garp her first husband

Lucy was able to see ghosts her whole life, but she didnt really do much about it because ghosts are complicated and punching people is Simple

Lucy was never really into the WG scene - She wasn't a criminal either though, she just liked breaking into marine bases to beat up soldiers for Training and Garp didn't see that as a crime. She used to make a living boxing but dropped it when Garp said she could travel the whole world with him instead of just the South Blue where she was born. She died when she was 28, a trigger happy rookie had taken a firearm to the training yard when they wasn't supposed to and got scared when Lucy introduced their lesson with her usual non-contextualized violence. Garp was laughing himself to tears at the rookies running around like headless chickens but then that rookie shot his wife in the back of the head. She was dead before she even hit the ground, and someone over Garp's head promoted the rookie for it.

Dragon blamed the government and Garp for not doing anything about his mother's death, even if he could see his mother still because she passed her sight to him. But still, he joined the army thinking maybe he could fix some things. Then he saw an admiral with a sea of screaming, angry ghosts following. Kuzan, and all of O'Hara was crowded around him where he couldn't see. His mother helped him start a revolution

Then, half a decade later, when Dragon was just starting to make waves in the world, he had his son, named him Lucifer after his mother and realized he couldn't raise a child as he was. So he gave him to his father and asked his mother to watch over him. So Lucy did.

#one piece #Roger's Ghost au #LUFFY'S FULL NAME IS LUCIFER #I'm not sure who had that idea first I heard it from Botan tho

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tomxat · 11 months

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-;- 42 Uncle Aaron misses …

-;- Credits: on wattpad @ matilda111022

-;- TW: major death, blood, mentioned throwing up

_____________________________________

Dimmed light was filling the room and soft music played in the background. Miles was hanging on the punching bag, circling around while uncle Aaron was standing at the table, doing… something. The young teen was struggling to get out, trying to lose the ties. He was trying really hard to explain his situation to his uncle, to the other one. Miles was aware that this wasn't his uncle even though they look the same. It gave him chills how similar they were, the only difference being his beard, it was longer than from his universe.

"[..] he was the Prowler, he looked out for me." Miles claimed, watching uncle Aaron put on the gauntlet, it glowed up for a moment. It glowed up in a dark purple, he knew this color. Memories snapped before his eyes, the way uncle Aaron chased behind him in the subway or when he grabbed him in aunt May's house. The gauntlet around his neck when Aaron was about to kill him. He remembered everything so vividly.

With a soft sigh, Miles pushed himself a bit to the side in order to move back to watch uncle Aaron and his actions, not that he was doing much but Miles' Spider senses kept going and he felt an actual threat coming from his uncle.

"He did a lot of bad things but.. I knew he wanted to be good." Miles kept going, currently not being able to watch Aaron as he was swirling around. Aaron let out a small chuckle, not caring much about it. He wasn't the Aaron this kid was talking about and he knew that for himself.

"He just didn't know he had a choice, but you do! You could be a good guy!" Miles claimed, circeling slowly back to face Aaron.

"A good guy?" Aaron laughed. This Miles looking imposter was talking funny, those statements were amusing to Aaron. He never heard someone so desperate as him, talking about good guys and choices. Aaron adjusted the gauntlet properly on his arm.

"Please.. trust me.. I know you don't wanna be the Prowler." Without any other second passing, Aaron moved around, his fist hitting right onto Miles face.

A short, loud scream filled the room for just the split a second before his head bashed into pieces. Blood splashed around the place, the punching bag moving harshly from one side to the other. But Aaron's breath hitched. It didn't take long for him to realize what the fuck just happened. His stomach made turns as his eyes focused on the lifeless young body.

A small shadow let itself fall from the ceiling, it was quiet but soon were the sounds of wiring heard and revealed Miles Morales. A different one, with his hair in cornrows and his face was skinnier, fallen. He looked older. With slow steps he moved closer to his uncle, noticing the blood and face pieces on the ground…

"Uncle Aaron..?" The teen whispered with a shaking voice. His eyes widened when they met his uncle, terrified ones. He was also covered in blood, his clothes soaked in the red, warm liquid. It was running down his dark skin leaving stains and a tingly feeling on his cheeks and neck.

"What did you do..?" Miles asked carefully, his voice not more than a whisper, a breath in the shadows of the apartment. Obviously it wasn't the first time he saw his uncle kill someone, it was almost an everyday occurrence but he never saw him that violent. It startled the young Prowler and he tripped back, feeling sicker and sicker in his body, he bent down a bit, trying not to throw everything he ate today back out.

The smell of death and human flesh filled the room and Miles needed to gag while Aaron kept staring at the dangling body on his punching bag. How familiar he looked to his Miles shot right through his brain. The statement Miles had told him just a moment before sunk in suddenly, he felt the realization hit him right into the stomach.

He just killed his nephew. Even if he was from a different universe. Miles from this different universe was still his nephew, wasn't he? Aaron's hands started to shake, he gripped his dirty jacket, trying to stay calm.. Is that what you do in a situation like this? Trying to stay calm? Trying to show no emotion? Should he be scared? He was scared, horrified actually but he didn't know how to react to this feeling. He couldn't tell if he should throw up, scream, or cry. What should he do?

He turned away instead, ripping the gauntlet off his arm. He felt sick, so sick. So disgusting, terrified of himself. He didn't know he could do such a thing, so horrific and wrong. He just wanted to scare him off, he wanted to hit the punching bag not Miles himself. He wanted to make sure Miles knew his place… not kill him. Not bash his head into pieces.

"We need to clean this off." Aaron stated through the cold silence after a while. Miles turned to him, tilting his head, his braids falling to the side a bit.

"What?" He couldn't quite understand what his uncle just said, what he meant. He just killed someone so harshly like there was no end today and he wanted to 'clean it up' like a kitchen or what?

"We need to clean this up. We need to get rid of the smell and the blood before it ruins the floor. And then we'll make sure he-.. the body is hidden." Aaron claimed. He didn't know what else he's supposed to do. He needed the other Miles out of his sight now, if he keeps staring at his headless body, he'll never get the picture out of his brain ever again.

"Are you serious?! Did you see what just happened?!" Miles gagged again, he really had to control himself not to throw up on the floor and it was very, very difficult.

"I saw it. I was literally right there. Get your ass here and help me, for fucks sake.." Aaron grumbled, he never was good with emotions but he couldn't ignore that he didn't know what he should do with the weird, guilty feeling crawling up his chest, so he was angry instead.

"Yes, sir.." Miles looked down, he knew his uncle better than anyone, and he knew for sure he should just do what he asked, especially in a situation like this. In a situation in which he needed to stay just as calm as his uncle. Show no weakness, no pain. In a situation of panic and fear, he needed to stay strong for his uncle and his own self's sake..

#aaron davis fanart #miles morales #miles morales prowler #aaron davis #uncle aaron #across the spider verse spoilers #aaron davis prowler #my fic #fanfic #42 Aaron Davis #earth-42 #Miles Morales 42

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sarah-dipitous · 2 years

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Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 18

"Hell House"

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: Yes. 100%. I wouldn't be going to a place that's referred to as Hell House especially knowing "it goes after girls." (I have lost count of what I would and wouldn't survive, so....sorry)

AND I WAS RIGHT! Their injuries, even the ones on their faces, are mysteriously healed. (Thanks, Cas? Maybe?)

I am very excited for this Winchester prank war.

Listening to the kids recounting their time in the Hell House and how none of their stories match up in ANY detail except for whose fault it was they were there...amazing

I don't believe Craig (Greg?)'s backstory for it. Like, I don't think he's lying, it just doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Or maybe I'm just thinking this is a vengeful ghost thing when it might not be.

Is this...is this the first encounter with the ghost facers??? omg om g yesssss. ...mmmm maybe not. Still very funny to have them encounter other ghost hunters.

Dean's mad Sam got him good...

OOf. How much of an asshole must this kid be if his friend would rather go into the Hell House this soon after a reported death than make out with him?

Is the symbol....one from Meg's warehouse altar?? (It was not.)

Really Dean? Itching powder?? That's immature and LOW, but I'm still proud of you for it.

Okay...now I'm once again thinking these guys might be the Ghost Facers (I hope I'm right). And I've keyed in on the line about how this ghost hunt is their ticket to "the big time. Fame. Money. Sex...with girls" who...hey boys? who have y'all been? What is the implication here? (Though the fact that these two are supposed to be nerdy loser foils to Sam and Dean...even though Dean constantly calls Sam a nerd and says things like "this is why you never get laid" when Sam *checks notes* knows or has found out something relevant about a supernatural being. ANYWAY) For a show that was supposed to be so targeted toward white cishet guys, THIS IS STILL JUST SEASON ONE.

(I can't wait for Sam to probably win the prank war)

There are three minutes left, which includes end credits, and I can't believe the solution was arson. I love it when the solution is arson.

These guys WISH they were Shane and Ryan.

So the prank war ended in a truce between the brothers, but they pranked the proto Ghost Facers pretty hard

"Been On My Mind...": (Prediction: Considering what we got last episode, I'm gonna go with no) I was right.

"The Doctor Dances"

The strange solutions just keep coming tonight. I forgot yelling "Go to your room!" worked (at least for some time) in this episode.

Jack mentioning Pompeii for a alien...time travel...con job makes me sad he wasn't even, like, in the background for the time Donna and Ten were there. Can you imagine if (along with seeing Karen Gillan and Peter Capaldi) you just saw Jack running romancing random Pompeii citizens while trying to pull off a job? Would have been genius. And all this was in RTD's original run!! He could have made it happen!!

Omg. THIS episode starts (or maybe just HAS) the whole banana thing?

Well DAMN, Nancy! This dude's "messin' about" with the butcher you say? Are you...well, that's shit to hold that over him as blackmail.

Oh to be a haunted child punching its way through a wall. What the absolute fuck.

"You don't even know how to read or write" "Don't need to. I've got a machine!" Sounds about right.

Jack and Rose (....am I watching Doctor Who or Titanic?) ganging up on the Doctor "talking about dancing"...superb

I love the implication that as soon as we left Earth, we just started fucking every alien we could. The Captain Jack Harkness Rule or whatever it's called is so real

There are certain kinds of body horror I can take, but bad special effects of someone's face turning into a gas mask....still no.

If there was anyone you could tell the future to, it's someone who wouldn't possibly be believed if they told someone else, but you took a huge risk there, Rose.

Yeaaaahhhh!!! I did remember that Nancy was Jamie's mom!

Oh. Oh, I'm...I'm just..."Everybody lives, Rose. JUST THIS ONCE! EVERYBODY LIVES!!" It's such a wonderful moment.

Normally, I'm not a fan of doctors gaslighting their patients, but this doctor telling the one woman that perhaps she miscounted how many legs she had when she came to the hospital? You know, on account of the war? I don't even know what to say lol

This scene with Jack would be sadder if I didn't know that he lives to see the end of the world.

(...aaaaaaaaand then they bring back the Slitheen for next episode...)

#hellsite nostalgia tour 2023

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jestertizm · 1 month

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Hello invisible youtube audience >:) Welcome to the first edition of me yapping to myself about the media i’ve consumed over the past week. I thought it’d be fun to do a little report every week about what i’ve watched and read and all that and just yap about what i’ve been doing. I’ve had a decent monday, knees and feet hurt like hell but i’m doing alright. we went to the pet store earlier to get crickets for my leopard gecko and they had kittens from the shelter there. and one of them was so friendly and came running at me when they opened the door aND HE WAS SO SWEET AND PLAYFUL AND WAS SUCH A PRETTY TAN-ISH GRAY COLOR HE WAS JUST LIKE MY CAT WHEN I FIRST GOT HIM BUT I COULDNT TAKE THIS ONE HOME AND I AM STILL DEVASTATED AUGH. But anyways-

I rewatched a lot of anime this week because my little sister wanted to watch them, including my all time favorite anime Kekkai Sensen. I could sit here and yap about how much i fucking love Kekkai Sensen but the amount of text i’ve already written is straining my eyes so it’ll try to keep it brief. I FUCKING LOVE THIS ANIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I found it scrolling through hulu when i was about 12 trying to find something to watch since my mom had only recently let me start watching anime, i thought it looked neat and was absolutely hooked by the first episode. It was so funny watching the same thing happen to my sister, up until that point she had only really watched kids and magical girl anime, she used to watch one punch man and death note when she was little, but she preferred magical girls like cardcaptor sakura. when we finished the last episode, the was silent for a second then she slowly turned to me and yelled “THAT WAS THE GREATEST FUCKING ANIME EVER”. That day she figured out why i had been so fuckin stupid about this anime for almost 6 years now. I fuckin love this anime. P.s. Klaus is my wife 🤭

My sister also DEMANDED i rewatch Scott Pilgrim Takes Off with her and oh my god i think i regret it. Now she wants to be EXACTLY like Ramona Flowers to the point where she finally wants to cut her hair after refusing to cut it for almost 12 years. Personally, I really enjoyed the anime a lot (if it wasn’t obvious 💀) though i wanna watch the movie soon. Also she won’t stop fucking sending me this stupid ass photo of Gideon Graves

Last thing i watched with my sister was Mob Psycho 100. I had started it by myself a while ago but told her we could watch it together, so we watched the first two episodes last night. I wasn’t really paying attention both times i’ve watched it, but i really like it so far, def a lotta jokes that caught me off and made me laugh. Not really much else to say, I love Mob though.

I’ve been watching My Deer Friend Nokotan since it started airing. I’m not someone that keeps tabs about what’s airing during what season and watches everything that’s currently airing, i usually just wait til it’s finished and then completely forget about it. if anything, this is this first anime i’ve watched that i’ve been watching as it’s released. It’s already half way through and my opinions so far: it’s goofy as hell. in a good way. the jokes are all so stupid but tbh i love it. some episodes aren’t as good as others, but i thought the last one (the 7th) was pretty good. idk why but the thought of Japan’s Next Top Deer Model made me laugh, kind upset i didn’t get to see Nokotan actually at the deer show 😔 also now whenever some goes wrong that one song that plays in every episode when something bad happens, that “shikaaa shikaaaaa shikaaaaaaaa” song, plays in my head. My only real gripe with the show so far is that the relationship Anko has with her sister Koshi is WEIRD AS FUCK. Like???? That’s one of the things i hate about anime and manga is why there is so much borderline incest in them??? eugh. On a more positive note, Nokotan is very silly and i love her. I bet Nara Deer Park in Japan has seen an increase in visitors lmao.

Second brand new anime i’ve started watching is Delico’s Nursery. I’m already an episode behind but oh well, i’ll probably watch that later. It’s pretty promising so far, the art style is very pretty and the opening goes hard. I know nothing about the stage play it’s supposed to be a prequel(? i think?) to, but if i’m being completely honest the pretty vampire men already have me ensnared lmao. Idk how to describe it, but you know that trope where the older, more serious guy comes across a traumatized kid and he essentially adopts them and is all like soft only towards them? There’s probably a better way to describe that trope but i am a sucker for it. This anime looks to be pretty much that trope except they are their biological children instead. Although one small issue i have is I think (i’m not 100% sure i didn’t quite grasp the plot yet) they are looking for this “true of vamp” guy but they shorten it to TRUMP and i cannot take it seriously every time they say something like “we gotta find Trump!” 😭 A BIG issue i take, however, is that the children are ALWAYS SCREAMING, LIKE MAKE THEM STOP. I hope to god the screaming and crying chills the fuck out in the next episodes but other than that it’s still wayyy to early in the series to cast any kind of serious judgement but i really like it so far just from the first episode.

I’m not really sure what I’m gonna watch next but I’ve got a few anime I’ve started that I should probably finish, like Cowboy Bebop, Trigun, and Serial Experiments Lain. Tbh I’m having a hard time finishing Serial Experiments Lain. Like, I do like it, I find it very aesthetically interesting, but story wise I don’t get it. I know you’re not supposed to get it, but I feel like there’s things that I am supposed to get that I don’t. Imo I feel like there’s too much going on but also not much at all. I can’t keep up with the amount of ideas being introduced at once that are discussed for a few minutes and then they don’t come back up until 2 episodes later, and by then I don’t remember what it is. Despite that, it’s also very slow, my little peanut adhd brain is struggling. I could be watching the episodes far too spaced out from each other since im kinda wanting to not watch it anymore, idk I might restart it and try binging it so I won’t forget as much. I really wanna like it, cuz Lain is literally me, I love her sm.

Also the reason why I still haven’t finished cowboy bebop and trigun is cuz my sister won’t let me watch them without her and she’s gone every other weekend at our dad’s house, which is usually when I wanna watch them 😔

I’ll probably wind up watching Ponyo soon. I’ve been meaning to watch the whimsical fish movie. that is all.

I think the next series I’ll watch is FLCL since it’s short. There’s nothing else coming out soon (except one i’ll mention later lmao) that interests me so it’s back to watching the backlog of 90’s/2000’s anime .

Spoilers for Goodnight Punpun (and by extension Blood On The Tracks) -

Ok, so i have started reading goodnight punpun a little over a week ago and oh my god. I’m currently half way through volume 4 and i really like it so far, but holy shit why can’t this family have a funky good time. you literally cannot have a character you like just even a little bit because then they go out and set a pet shelter on fire or something. I’m honestly so glad Punpun’s mom died but the poor boy is NOT gonna make it out there by himself 😭 and i’m conflicted about his dad because like? i dunno if he really is just an abusive piece of shit, or if he was just trying to protect his son from his batshit insane wife. ok it’s definitely both, but still, he probably genuinely cares about Punpun more, but it’s still such a conflicting situation because he seems really mentally absent. and i’d wish his uncle would just get hit by a train already, I wanted to like him but holy shit dude, whatever therapist you’re seeing they’re not doing a good enough job. i know what i’m about to say is gonna offend a bunch of people, but i’m sorry, Aiko is shady as fuck. Since i’m only half way through she might get better, but she seems like she’ll only continue to make life worse for Punpun, and he’d probably make hers worse too. I do have more sympathy for her though, don’t get me wrong, since she grew up in a cult and clearly has trauma, I don’t hate her, but Aiko and Punpun are only gonna fuck each other up. I do really like how Punpun changes appearance depending on how he views himself, though i have yet to figure out how to translates into a floating triangle. So far i’m enjoying the story, as fucked up as it is, it’s a pretty grim yet realistic look at how abuse, neglect, and trauma affects a kid’s development and the mindset they have as they grow up. a lot of the plot points remind me of Blood On The Tracks, another coming of age manga about a boy who grew up with a possessive, manipulative, and mentally + emotionally abusive mother. The way Punpun and Seiichi from Blood On The Tracks grow up with the effects of their trauma are very similar, as well as how every character is a horrible person, but they are also very nuanced. Anyways I’ll probably have this finished by next monday and i will provide my thoughts then too 👍

Ok, so i came across this manhua just completely randomly and looked it up because the art on the cover looked nice and holy shit I am so glad i did. I was not expecting the absolutely GORGEOUS art in it. It is easily the prettiest eastern comic i’ve ever seen, the colors are beautiful and looks incredible with the painterly artsyle. The story its self is pretty simplistic in my opinion. The whole story is only a little over 100 pages long and was a pretty quick read. Spoilers from this point on if you want to read it: It’s about Orange, a teenage girl who is suicidal and is about to jump off the roof of a building til she notices this drunk older man, Dashu, hanging out on the roof and then decides not to jump off that day. The story then goes over Orange’s life, her sneaking out of the house, getting boyfriends who wind up being pieces of shit, getting into trouble, and running into Dashu again. She ends up falling in love with Dashu, but she also has complex thoughts with her feelings about him. On one hand she is in love and is fascinated with him, and on the other she’s disgusted by him. Imma leave the summary off here because if you wanna read this it’ll just ruin the ending. The story itself can be pretty upsetting since it deals with suicide, isolation, and a minor in love with an adult, but i think it does a pretty alright job telling it with the limited time it has. I would recommend it if you like stories that explore the grittier aspects of being an older teenager and the topic of feeling isolated from society and because the art is gorgeous.

Im gonna take a lil break from Goodnight Punpun (since i usually only read one manga at a time) to read Dandadan. The anime is coming out in October and i’m thinking about watching it so i’m gonna read the manga first. It sounds really neat, with it being about aliens, yokai, and cryptid-like creatures (and i’m a sucker for cryptids). That’s pretty much all, I’ll talk about it more next monday. Also, I wanna know what this panel is about 💀

ough, i haven’t played any games lately 💔 AND I MISSED THE SPLATFEST AGAIN. I have no joke, literally missed every single splatfest since splatoon 3 came out. I AM NOT MISSING THE VERY LAST ONE NUH UH

Here’s the section where i recommend a random anime and manga from my list 👍

Ever thought, “Cowboy Bebop is good but i really wish they were girls instead”? Probably not, but if you like pulp crime and western style action, I recommend Gunsmith Cats. It’s only 3 episodes long and can be easily watched in a day. It’s about two girls, Rally and May, who run an illegal gun shop and get blackmailed by an ATF agent to solve a gun running case for them. There’s plenty of high action scenes of gunfights, car chases, and explosions, and i found Rally and May to be very likable characters in my opinion. The only small issue is there is a bit of fan service if you don’t like that, but I don’t remember it being very obstructive like some other shows with fan service, a lot of it is subtle. Overall it was a very fun watch for me and i def recommend it if you like stuff like Cowboy Bebop or 90’s western style action.

Blood On The Tracks is a very good psychological manga, and i would recommend it to anybody who also likes Goodnight Punpun, but similar to Goodnight Punpun, you should read it in a good headspace. I’m fortunate enough to not have an abusive mother but it still really messed with me with how realistic the portrayal of mental and emotional abuse was. I already gave a brief explanation of what it’s about when I was talking about Goodnight Punpun, but i feel like explaining far too much will take away from the impact of where the manga ends up. Massive trigger warnings for death, mental, emotional, and physical abuse, gaslighting and manipulation, murder and attempted murder, sex scenes (i think), and so much childhood trauma if you decide to read it.

And that was the first Media Yapfest, see you next monday >:3

#Media Yapfest #long post

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sorryiapologized · 1 year

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"Son, are you a danger to yourself?"

*TW - Suicide.

I used to think adults were crazy, emotional, borderline psychotic for the ways they could destroy themselves for the people they love. Many of my parents own horrible life decisions -- ones that put me and my little sister in danger and through countless years of neglect and abuse -- stemmed from a desire to be loved by someone who couldn't care less.

Now, as an adult, when I hear this song I don't see my father disassociating with alcohol to forget his divorce or my mother ignoring the red flags in her pedophile boyfriends. Instead I see the time love knocked me off my feet and left me chasing after someone so hard I didn't even realize I was running away from myself.

I was 20 and in love with my best friend who at the time I thought was a girl. Everything I had been taught growing up told me this was wrong. I tried to push the feelings down, I tried to forget them. I drowned out the love I felt just as my father had done years before. But I found in the same painful way he did that there isn't enough booze in the world that can make you stop loving someone.

Eventually I gave in to the feelings. Not all the way. Not enough to physically kiss them, but enough to crave their presence, to smile at my phone whenever they remembered to text me. It was a wild rollercoaster of emotion. The high I felt when we would hang out couldn't even compare to the low I'd fall into when they'd start talking to some new guy on tinder.

I couldn't really blame them, though. I didn't come forward and tell them how I felt. Doing so would make it too real. If I confirmed my queerness with words I worried I would never be able to take it back. And if they didn't love me it would be all for nothing.

They started getting more serious with this one guy. Messaging every day. They would giggle at their phone. They thought he was so funny and so hot. They made plans to meet up with him in person. I begged them not to go. I couldn't say why. I made up some dumb reason like how meeting a guy from tinder was unsafe or something.

They left to get coffee and shared their location with me so I'd know they were safe. I watched them arrive at Starbucks, then eventually their location shifted to the guy's house. I knew what was going to happen. I became sick.

My love for them had consumed me to the point where I was very much a danger to myself, and I couldn't so much as even explain why. I hated myself for loving them, but more than that I hated myself for being a coward who couldn't tell them I did.

I drove to my dad's house. He was passed out hungover on the couch from the night before, watching the news coverage of Kobe Bryant's death. I tried to sooth myself with a bath, but ended up only crying naked on the bathroom floor. Every few minutes I would check their location. Still at the guy's house. They stayed there for hours.

It wasn't just the lovesickness that deteriorated my brain. I had been struggling for years with depression and anxiety. I had become an emotional punching bag for my other closest friend at the time. Mostly, though, I had no idea who I was. I worried whoever it was the hid inside of me was someone I never wanted to meet.

I went out to my car and sat with the exhaust running. It could have been minutes or hours. My dad never came out to check on me. I figured it might be kind of nice to die on the same day as Kobe. I took a handful of Zoloft pills and swallowed them. I waited in the car long enough for the pills to enter my system. Long enough that doctors couldn't purge me. I'd been through this before, I knew how to finish the job this time.

I didn't want my dad to find my body in the car so I drove to the hospital, where I could get attached to some good drugs and die in peace. I wasn't totally thinking clearly at the time I got there. They hooked me up to machines and I kept processing how it felt to die. Except I didn't die.

They sent me to a facility. Nobody contacted my family. I was gone for three days. If my friends and roommates noticed my absence they didn't care. Only my little sister started to worry on day three. She figured out where I was and my mom came to spring me out. They took me back to my grandmother's house to watch me and make sure I was no longer a danger to myself. It was a question I heard time and time again. From my mom, from my therapist, my psychiatrist, the police who escorted me to and from the clinic. I would never admit that I was. I think they only asked to legally clear themselves from responsibility when I did ultimately kill myself.

I remained dangerous. My best friend told me about how they hooked up with the guy. We got in a fight about it. I still couldn't admit why it bothered me. Instead I returned to my grandmother's house, waited until midnight, then walked down to the icy river the flowed just beyond her yard. I flung my body off the dock hoping the cold water would submerge and drown me, and wash my remains away from this world. Instead my adrenaline kicked in and I pulled myself out of the chilly water.

I understand, now, how love can make us dangerous. I understand the all consuming nature that comes with infatuation. Everyday I fear heartbreak will come back into my life like a dangerous wave until I no longer know who I am again.

A lot has changed since I tried to drown myself in the river. I found my courage and told my friend how I felt. They learned to love me, too. Maybe if I had grown up in a world where I wasn't led to believe loving someone else would make me a monster I wouldn't have turned into one.

#noah kahan #dial drunk #suicide #mentalillness #mental health #anxiety #deppresion #best friend #sorry for the rant #20 something #i'm sorry #coming of age #growing up

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the-bugs-under-ur-skin · 3 years

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Yandere Kel, Aubrey, Sunny, Hero and Basil jealousy HCs - Omori

the whole gang is here. i honestly love writing jealousy hcs, they’re very fun! thanks for all of the requests, i’m glad you guys like my blog! :)

[yandere Kel x reader]

-Kel is so bad at reading the room, it’s crazy

-if someone was flirting with you, he wouldn’t be able to immediately tell

-but when he does he’s completely ready to throw hands

-he’s more vocal about it when you both are actually dating, straight up threatening the guy in front of you

-he’ll also act overly loving towards you

-of course, some things would change if you’re relationship were still platonic

-mostly just less kissing, though

-other than that, it’s still a lot of flirting and arms around shoulders

-also hands around necks if the guy flirting with you doesn’t take the hint

-he’d also feel bad if he got jealous because he thinks that if he got jealous that means he wasn’t being romantic enough

-Kel is still very childish, but he does make an effort by going on more dates and being more clingy

-but other than someone explicitly trying to steal you away, he probably wouldn’t get jealous very often

-he mostly just focuses on what you’re doing, not what the people around you are doing

-but he would never hesitate to sock someone for you

[yandere Aubrey x reader]

-definitely gets jealous very easily, all you have to do is get along with someone else

-she doesn’t even trust her own posy

-Aubrey constantly fears that you’ll leave, but would always try to hide it

-but when she gets jealous she won’t hesitate to scream and shout at whoever she’s irritated at

-it doesn’t matter who is making her jealous she’ll always swear and threaten them

-and of course,, you know,,,

-*spiked bat noises*

-yeah, she’ll definitely beat whoever into oblivion

-if she’s jealous of someone you’re close with, she’ll tell them to scram but will go after them once you’re gone they’ll be dead

-hopefully you don’t connect the death of your friend to the jealous rage of your gf

-or if you do, don’t call her out for it

-she’s one of the worst when jealous, not only will she be ruthless to the person she’s jealous of, she’ll also keep you away from others for awhile

-she’ll start to invite you to hang out once it’s late out or go out to more secluded areas of the park

-you don’t mind, right? i mean, you are all hers after all...

[yandere Sunny x reader]

-*silent yet intense glaring*

-he also gets jealous often since he’s very lonely and your attention was one of the most (if not the most) amazing things to ever happen to him

-so when you give that to someone else, he’ll take it as a challenge

-Sunny is probably the most unhinged when jealous

-he’s very willing to use weapons in broad daylight and he’ll also get the messiest

-also a bit of verbal fighting will be mixed in

-he’ll probably taunt them just to make them try and initiate the fight

-but one thing’s for certain, he’s not backing down

-he won’t really speak to you directly about his jealousy, but will hold your hand for the rest of the day

-hold him please, it’s all he needs right now

-also help him hide the body because you don’t want your boy going to jail

-he’s also the one to get jealous the most, hands down

-like, he isn’t the most insecure of the group, but he’s the most insecure of the group who lets you talk to others

-it’s kind of funny, he always tries his best to let you have friends but he ends up scaring them all away (on purpose, too. no way he just accidentally cut you’re friends with his knife)

-but believe me, he isn’t trying to scare you away

-he’s actually doing the opposite! he’s getting rid of people who want to ruin your relationship

-so please don’t leave him... please?

[yandere Hero x reader]

-Hero will absolutely shove in their face how close you both are

-”hi, i’m s/o boyfriend/best friend” and then continue the conversation like that didn’t even happen

-Hero will also try to act like he’s the cool and charming one, just casually sliding in and showing that he’s yours and you won’t take anyone else

-but he really does just come across like an insecure maniac

-if they’re some sort of catcaller or flirt, you better believe they’re about to get a few punches thrown their way

-he’s one of the more protective of the group even if he isn’t as intense as Sunny or Aubrey

-but he would appreciate it greatly if you bandaged up his fists afterwards

-he always tries to get you out of there, not wanting any negative attention on you

-he’s also the most embarrassed about getting jealous and will apologize to you after for getting so worked up

-it doesn’t really change too much though because he’s definitely just going to jealous again and then he’ll act the same way again

-but he’s also the best at holding it in, he’s always so close to not getting in a fight every time he gets jealous

-he’s probably the best to deal with though, because he’ll try to make up for his jealousy by pampering you and giving you some of his home baked food

-he really does just adore you more than he’s ever adored anything in his life, so it’s only natural that he’s going to think that everyone is just trying to take you away and keep you all to themselves

-but don’t worry darling! you know Hero would never let anyone take you away from him

[yandere Basil x reader]

-Basil is the most insecure but i’m sure y’all already knew

-he also definitely doesn’t have the guts to confront whoever is making him jealous so he just has to sit back and watch in horror

-and it’s even worse if he isn’t dating you!

-he can’t even run up to you and get you’re comfort because you wouldn’t even understand why he’s jealous

-but if you are dating, he’ll give you such a tight hug that you can’t breathe

-he’s absolutely terrified that you’re going to leave him forever and that he can’t do anything about it

-sometimes when he gets jealous from someone and he’s right next to you, he’ll hold you’re hand very tightly to try and hint that he wants you and him to get out of there as quickly as possible

-sometimes you’ll even get a quiet “...can we go please?”

-but that’s usually if you’ve been out for so long that he’s basically drowning in jealousy

-Basil does frequently get jealous, the only thing is that he basically always keeps you inside

-and if there’s no one to get jealous of than there’s no problem, right? :)

-i bet you that he sometimes will get himself jealous with his own thoughts though, so i guess you’re never safe :/

-probably the worst for you to deal with honestly

-like, with everyone else, they’ll usually bother the person that’s making them jealous the most

-but since Basil is so scared of confronting them, he’ll just focus all of his jealousy on you

-that means you have to sit through all of Basil’s crying and begging for you to never leave every time you try to get up from wherever you and him are sitting

-and honestly, it’ll probably stay like that for awhile

-just him clinging onto you for dear life, acting as if you’ll disappear at any moment

-and it’ll stay that way until he feels better, and then you both can go outside again!

-and then of course he’ll get jealous again, because this whole thing is just one never ending cycle

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gaeilgeoirgay · 3 years

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Whumptober Day Twelve

counting on a bullet

Dick grits his teeth against the pain as Roman Sionis slams his own escrima sticks into his ribs. They’re at a high enough level to set Dick’s teeth buzzing in his skull. Everything hurts, but every bolt of metal in his body is scorching his skin from the inside out. The starburst of shrapnel in his hip, the pins replacing bone in his skull, the fragmented bullet scattered in the left side of his back- all of them react to the electricity with a vengeance.

Sionis knows it too. After all, he’s the one who put the bullet there three years ago. The mob boss turns the escrima up a notch, the high whine pounding into Dick’s already throbbing ears. There’s blood dripping from one though he hopes it’s just from a concussion. Concussions aren’t great but he doesn’t want to lose his hearing. He knows ASL of course, as do most heroes but it would make communicating with civilians difficult.

Roman smiles at Dick’s pain as if he’s watching a particularly amusing show. The psychopathic killer could probably watch someone murder a nun and laugh, Dick thinks uncharitably. Well, charitably really. He could have thought worse.

“No words left, Nightwing? It’s only been, oh, seven hours. Surely, your infamous wit hasn’t run out so…. quickly.” Roman says before delivering another strike, straight to Dick’s left floating rib. Jokes on him though, both of them are made of metal too. Dick absently wonders how much metal you have to be comprised of to be classified as a cyborg. He probably meets the requirements at this point. Security at airports is a nightmare.

Roman doesn’t think it’s as funny as he does though, because he snarls when the escrima hits solid titanium and retaliates by punching Dick directly in the face. All that is flesh, unfortunately, and now Dick’s jaw aches as well as literally everything else.

“Eh, more like I can’t be bothered to waste them on you.” Dick replies to Roman’s strikes, ensuring there isn’t any evidence of pain on his face. Roman doesn’t like that. An appropriate response of course, is to find a nerve cluster in Dick’s shoulder and place an escrima directly on it. Very rude of him.

Honestly, Dick is just going numb at this point, which definitely isn’t a good sign. Roman’s been careful not to kill him but eventually he’ll get bored of torturing Dick. Roman is infamous for his lack of patience when it comes to vigilantes, particularly him and Jason. When Dick worked for him, there had been a massive target board with the grinning face of Robin I. When Dick had felt particularly masochistic, he had put a few rounds in the target’s smile.

“No one is coming for you, Nightwing. Everyone knows that you’ve had some sort of falling-out with the Bats. None of them seem happy with you. I’d imagine they’ll be happy that the dead weight has finally been cut from the family.” Roman says casually and Dick sucks in a breath. He realises his mistake almost immediately as Roman grins. It’s one of the first genuine reactions Dick has given all night and now Roman is going to rip the weakness wide open for him to peruse.

“Oh, did I hit a nerve? You know it’s true. Wherever you were for the past year, the other Bats seemed to have gotten far closer. The Red Hood has even been seen spending time with the younger ones! That never happened when you were around. I wonder why?” Roman asks rhetorically and Dick keeps his mouth shut.

He knows his family were grieving his fake (real) death but he can’t tell Roman that. He’ll pick at that wound too, until Dick is bleeding himself all over the floor. Some things, most things really, Dick keeps to himself. He’s the eldest, the one his siblings are supposed to look up to. He can’t shatter that image and he certainly can’t tell them how exactly Bruce had convinced him to go undercover.

He can still feel Bruce’s fists sometimes, but he knows that when he’s around, Bruce doesn’t hurt the others. And he knows that it sounds suspiciously like abuse, but Dick is a grown adult and vigilante. It’s not uncommon for vigilantes to use aggression as a release. Yes, it’s usually on punching bags but that’s basically what Dick is, right?

And Bruce took him in, trained him, raised him. Dick owes him for that. He’s had worse than what Bruce gives him. So what if Dick isn’t worth the effort to love? Bruce loves the others and that’s enough for him.

Roman is still smirking but Dick isn’t paying attention. Sionis will say whatever he wants just to try and provoke a reaction- all Dick has to do is not listen. His family will notice his disappearance eventually. Nightwing patrols Bludhaven every single night, and there are avid vigilante watchers in every corner of his city. It’ll be reported if there’s no sighting of him for more than three days in a row.

And even if they don’t care about him anymore, they’ll feel obligated to rescue him because of the Robin code- no matter what they’ve done, every Robin is entitled to a rescue. That still applies to Dick, hopefully.

Midnighter would notice too and he technically owes Dick a favour for the information on Spyral that Dick had given him. He would break Dick out, because of professional courtesy if nothing else. He’ll be fine. He just needs to hold on.

Even as Black Mask keeps taunting him with the irreparable damage he’s done to his own family. Even as he brings down the escrima stick over and over again, bruises littering every inch of Dick’s skin. Dick just has to hold on.

(dick was right. it takes three days for his family to notice. jason is the one to cut him down from his restraints but dick barely reacts. it’s a nice dream, his family caring about him. dick knows he fucked up with spyral. jason hates him. there’s no way he’d be gentle with dick. maybe roman will put him out of his misery eventually. he doesn’t deserve mercy though, so dick isn’t counting on a bullet anytime soon. he’s not worth the effort.)

#whumptober 2021 #day twelve #torture #dick grayson whump #roman sionis #dc fanfiction

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rivalsforlife · 3 years

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Phoenix Wright: The Truth Reborn: Oh No We’re Doing This Again

hi.

Nearly two months ago, I wrote an essay summarizing and making very wild conclusions about the second Takarazuka Musical. I did this about two and a half years after watching the first Takarazuka musical. As such I did not have the full context for many things from the musical and was relying mostly on my memory, which blocked many things from this musical for my own safety. However, just this week, I decided to rewatch it, because I enjoy tormenting myself. I said I wouldn’t write anything on it. Here I am writing something on it.

Here’s the youtube thumbnail so that you know what you’re getting yourself into. And here, of course, is the link. This is the HD version which may be slightly more pleasant to watch. Maybe.

It was not quite as cringe in a funny way as the second musical to me, and therefore this essay may be less funny, but I feel like I’m doing a disservice to people by providing a summary of the second musical while completely neglecting the first. Quite possibly doing this is even more of a disservice. I just eagerly await the day that the third musical is translated because *that* will be the day that I finally shuffle off this mortal coil. Either way, I want to write this stuff down so that I never have to watch the musical again out of curiosity.

The following essay will contain major spoilers for both the first and second Phoenix Wright Takarazuka musicals, as I will be using many points from this musical to argue my thesis of the second musical. ... like you were going to watch them anyways.

This one broke 8k. I’m dead inside.

Introducing The Director

Again another disclaimer that I don’t have anything against the actresses or the theatre troupe. I DO have something against Suzuki Kei, who I recently learned is the writer and director of all three of the Ace Attorney Takarazuka musicals, and is quite possibly my mortal nemesis.

This man is the one who brought this monstrosity into the world.

This man, allegedly, cleared the first four ace attorney games *seven times* before sitting down to write these musicals. He played these goddamn games seven times and did not take in a single word. The man clicked through them mindlessly while watching a badly written legal romance drama in the background and got them completely confused. I genuinely have no idea how this man could have played these games more times than even me and yet managed to get so many characters (MAYA!!!!) completely and utterly wrong. This haunts me every day, truly.

This man played Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Justice for All, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Trials and Tribulations, and Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney seven times. SEVEN TIMES EACH!! and was told to create a musical based on the series. He played these games seven times each and you know what he said?? You know what he said?? “This sucks, I’m getting rid of all of Phoenix’s backstory, butchering half the characters, and writing Phoenix/Lana fanfiction, but also rewriting all of Lana’s backstory so that she was Phoenix’s childhood friend, and you know what, I’m changing her name for good measure.”

I think this man played the games seven times each and then hated it so much and was so sick of it he tried to write something that destroyed as much of the series as possible while still being vaguely recognizable. And then somehow it became a massive hit because people like me see this and go “what the actual hell” and watch it, or people who haven’t played the games see this and go “wow what a great musical!” and then he wrote TWO MORE, destroying EVEN MORE every time in his wake, until finally, finally, he stopped after making Edgeworth straight and time traveling into the past to face off against a corrupt Gregory. I guess that was the last straw.

I have to issue a disclaimer here that for legal reasons this is a joke. I don’t actually hate this man and would not punch him in the face if I met him because that would be rude, and he is entitled to his wrong interpretation of the games. I don’t know what his thought process was. But allegedly he did play the games seven times according to the wiki. This whole essay here is satire and not slander and I don’t want to offend this guy if he somehow stumbles across my nonsense tumblr post. At the same time: Suzuki Kei blink twice if you need help.

Anyways half the reason that I’m making this essay is because I want to share my fake ao3 page for this musical. The other half will become apparent later.

Sorry if that’s illegible because of tumblr quality it’s not really important. All you really need to know is that it’s a fake ao3 screenshot for the musical. Also in the author’s note I said he played the games four times but it was actually seven I just remembered wrong because I didn’t want to believe it.

at this point you may be like “Grace shut up and get to the actual musical” and okay, fine, let’s start this nonsense. Also note that I may be referencing things from my essay on the second musical very frequently; I’m not going to force you to go read that though because the fact that you’re reading this is enough of a torment already.

The Musical Begins

Unlike the second musical, this one opens with some narration from Phoenix.

Transcript:

Phoenix: I’m reviewing a particular case at the moment. To me, this case... is one I’ll never forget.

Immediately I think this is important because it establishes that this whole musical takes place in a flashback that Phoenix is reflecting on. Why is this important? Because we know, by the time of the second musical which takes place three years later, Leona is dead.

Knowing that Leona is inherently doomed to die of her Sad Woman Disease paints this whole musical in a different light. It’s not Phoenix reflecting on how he got back together with his lover; it’s Phoenix dwelling on their past together, and the opportunities they had, before her life was so cruelly and inexplicably taken away. We don’t know if Phoenix’s reminiscing takes place before or after Leona’s death... but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was after.

Phoenix, still in the present, starts to sing. “A wave appears on the horizon like a mirage, it trembles, then vanishes. Your voice, carried upon the waves, fades upon the shore, erasing the splendor of the past.”

This line actually shows up in the second musical, sung by Lucia about her imprisoned fiance quite possibly. It’s kind of hard to tell what the meaning of these songs even are. They’re too abstract for me I think. But this line appears very frequently in the first musical when Phoenix is thinking about Leona.

Then we enter the flashback time.

Phoenix inexplicably yells at a newspaper saleswoman. This is not relevant to anything whatsoever. Then Larry barges in to the office, looking for Maya. Phoenix describes him as “A real trouble maker, but you just can’t hate the guy”, the latter part of which I think many people would disagree with.

Well, afterwards, Maya comes in. Phoenix describes her like this while making exaggerated “can you believe this shit” gestures.

Transcript:

Phoenix: She’s as ditzy as they come. Oh, and about the outfit... Apparently she comes from a family of spirit mediums. Try not to make fun of her, okay?

Suzuki Kei personally has it out for Maya and I can never forgive him for it. Maya in these musicals is here for pure comedic relief but it’s not even comedic because I just get so angry. How can you play the trilogy seven times and think this about her?? The girl who figured out DL-6?? The girl who told Phoenix to sacrifice her life in order to find the truth?? The girl who put on a brave smile in order to try and cheer up her younger cousin even after she saw her own mother murdered right in front of her eyes?? That Maya Fey?? Ditzy as they come??????

Ugh. Moving on.

Maya and Larry run off, leaving Phoenix to watch the American Broadcast.

Important things to note here are the Godot mug, the little line up of what I think are the messed up little ace attorney figurines beneath the screen, and the fact that while this broadcast is supposedly from and to America the screen is actually not at all showing America. Like literally almost everywhere in the world except North and South America.

The broadcast says that Leona Clyde, age 24, was arrested for murdering the senator Robert Cole! Leona Clyde -- that’s Phoenix’s ex-girlfriend! He runs off to the detention center.

She is not happy to see him.

Leona: Mr. Wright... I’m not the woman you once knew.

Let’s Play A Matching Game

Sorry for the abundance of screenshots that are going to be throughout this section. Phoenix convinces Leona to let him defend her. Some of the conversation seems... familiar.

Leona: No one would defend someone who admits to killing a senator. I’m waiting for a court-appointed attorney.

Edgeworth: Every defense attorney I’ve talked to has turned me down.

Phoenix: In that case, let me defend you.

Game Phoenix: Let me defend you.

Leona: Don’t be ridiculous!

Edgeworth: Don’t be ridiculous.

Phoenix: I’ll never accept that you’re a murderer. Let me prove your innocence!

Game Phoenix: Huh? Isn’t it obvious? I’m going to prove that Miles Edgeworth is innocent.

Leona: I’ve already confessed my guilt.

Gumshoe: He confessed that he did it! In court!

Leona: It’s foolish to think you can win this case.

Edgeworth: My case is near hopeless, Wright.

Leona: (in response to phoenix offering to defend her) No you won’t! Don’t ever come here again.

Edgeworth: Look, just go away, and leave me alone!

Phoenix: You of all people should know. Once I decide to do something, I see it through to the end.

Edgeworth: Once you start on something, you always see it through, don’t you?

Leona: I never thought that you’d be representing me.

Phoenix: Ah, who could have guessed this day would come?

Edgeworth: Not me.

Phoenix: You believed in me. You saved me. And this time, I swear... I swear I’ll save you!

Game Phoenix: Edgeworth believed in me, and I believe in him. I’m the only one who knows the real Edgeworth. I’m the only one who can help him.

I could’ve done a few more, but tumblr is already threatening to murder my laptop.

So long story short, Phoenix manages to convince his lover to let him be the defense on the case. Then immediately after swearing to save Leona, he starts singing a song, which I’m not screencapping because this is enough:

“As long as there are people in this world, there’s only one path I will follow! As long as there is love in this world, there’s only one path I will believe in!”

Edgeworth sings this in the second musical after saying that he returned to California because of Phoenix. Phoenix sings it now after swearing to defend Leona. You draw your own conclusions.

And then we finally get the opening credits. Eleven minutes in.

Just Pretend This Is Narumitsu Fanfiction

Following the credits, we see a beautiful beach. Couples (exclusively heterosexual, of course,) dance and embrace in the background for some time, before revealing Phoenix and Leona, in the Even Further Past, before the LSATs or whatever the ace attorney universe’s excuse for law school exams are.

Phoenix establishes his absolute hatred of change, an important characterization moment.

Phoenix: The view here never changes, huh?

Phoenix reminisces on when they were kids. Leona’s parents were both lawyers (they’re both lawyers) and sometimes they would be like lawyers with her when she was a kid. This inspired her to also become a lawyer after their tragic death of Sickness. They never specify what the sickness is that caused two people who must be relatively young to die while Leona was in her early twenties at the latest. It may be whatever sickness claimed Leona’s life later. Sad Woman Disease. (Sad Man Disease for her father, I guess?)

Phoenix also talks about why he’s becoming a lawyer.

Phoenix: Watching you chase your dream inspired me to become a lawyer too.

So, it’s not “my childhood friend looked sad in a newspaper” because I guess that makes no sense or is too gay or something. But this is another important piece of Phoenix characterization. His entire life so far has been focused around Leona. They’ve been friends since they were kids, and then Phoenix decided to become a lawyer solely because Leona was becoming a lawyer. Not even to try and get back into contact with her after she moved away or anything; just because he’s so obsessed with her that he wants to have the same career as her, then they can run a Mom & Pop Law Firm or something, years in the future, after years of happy marriage and a few children or like whatever the hell.

Well, there’s a few steps they’ll need to get to that. At this point Phoenix still hasn’t confessed his feelings for Leona. He does so here, on this beach.

Leona tries to protest.

Leona: But I’m pushy, selfish, and only care about my goals... You’d get fed up with me.

Phoenix: That’s what I’ve always admired about you. That’s who I’ve been chasing all these years. That’s the only person... I love.

Sooo, Phoenix, your type is pushy selfish people who only care about their goals...? In the first, older lower-quality video translation it was “only care about my work”, too. Hm. Things to think about.

They sing a little duet together. Then we go back to present-day of what’s technically still a flashback. Whatever. Murder is happening.

Back To The Murder

So some plot things to establish: Leona is the legal counsel of Governor Miller, who is running for president in the AMERICAN PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION. After the flashback so that Phoenix has some time to change clothes, they show an interview of him talking about the murder.

Governor Miller: I vow to forge a peaceful country with my own two hands, and to prepare myself for whatever may lie ahead.

Reporters: Through thick and thin, he’s a friend of the people!

The Takarazuka musicals are not very good at hiding their killers.

Phoenix: Oh yeah... It’s almost time for the presidential election, isn’t it?

NEVER FORGET, WRIGHT. THIS IS AMERICA. LAND OF THE FREE! god what even was that line.

Anyways, we meet Gumshoe, who is incompetent once again. Maya runs around the crime scene, picks up the murder weapon, puts her fingerprints all over everything, moves things around, all while Phoenix is like “lol get a load of the world’s stupidest girl” or whatever. But who cares about that.

It’s time to get to the only valid part of this musical.

Edgeworth’s Gay Little Villain Solo

You may have seen this one before.

Edgeworth arrives, but not really. It’s like Phoenix heard Edgeworth was prosecuting and immediately entered a dream-like state, where Edgeworth is heralded by the sound of trumpets in Great Revival. He’s played by a different actress than in the other two musicals, since I think she retired in between the six or so months from this musical to the second. She still plays the role well, though, or as well as can be when you’re written in an ace attorney Takarazuka musical.

Shrouded in scarlet solitude... it’s Edgeworth.

Yes, those are six Edgeworths. Yes, they pick Phoenix up and carry him around and dance with him. Yes, it was probably not meant to be at all homoerotic.

He sings a song that’s called “My rule”. I only figured this out later, but it’s loosely based on a “catchphrase” of his in the Japanese version - in game 1 he says something along the lines of “All I can do is get every defendant declared guilty! So I make that my policy.” In DD in his dramatic anime introduction before the trial, he says “I intend to question the defendant with all I have. For that is a part of my creed.” “So I make that my policy” and “For that is a part of my creed”, to my understanding, are both translated from the same line, which I think is like, “sore ga watashi no ruru”, “That is my rule.” (If I’m wrong, please correct me.) In this song he sings about how he’ll reduce all criminals to ash and such, basically talks about his game 1 prosecuting strategy as “my rule”.

It’s very fun and probably if you want to only watch one number of this musical, it can be this one. It starts about 26:10 in the video I linked.

Once the musical number is done, Phoenix and Edgeworth stare at each other, and the background fades into the courtroom, so court begins. I feel like I should note that Phoenix has not picked up any evidence or talked to any witnesses in this investigation except for Gumshoe, since Maya just moved some things around and then Phoenix had some weird fever dream about Edgeworth which presumably took up the rest of the day.

The Trial, Day 1

Edgeworth: Consider it a prelude to the poignant Greek tragedy that’s about to unfold.

Maya: The real tragedy’s your pompous attitude!

Those are the only screenshots I took of this trial day. Here’s a summary, though:

The trial starts off with Leona confessing, Phoenix says “no I think she’s innocent”, and since ace attorney doesn’t care about the defendant’s wishes he’s allowed to proceed. For some reason Leona lets him do this without complaint.

Gumshoe is the first witness, he claims to have caught Leona red-handed at the scene of the crime, standing over the corpse. Phoenix tries to claim that since Gumshoe didn’t see Leona committing the crime, he didn’t actually catch her red-handed, to which Edgeworth responds “What do you think being caught red-handed means?”

Once Gumshoe is dismissed, Lotta takes the stand. She has a photo of the actual moment of the crime, where Leona is holding a knife in the air in front of the victim.

The Takarazuka musicals like to do this thing where the image is blurry and zoomed out, but then Phoenix will go “I’VE NOTICED A CONTRADICTION” and it zooms in really far as the resolution increases drastically in order to show you the contradiction that is impossible to spot for yourself, because they don’t want people figuring out the mystery in this musical based off of a video game where you have to solve the mystery yourself. Anyways Phoenix zooms in on this photo and sees that there’s blood on Leona’s hand, presumably before she stabbed the victim. How did it get there?

Edgeworth suggests the victim was stabbed multiple times. Phoenix says the autopsy report contradicts that. Edgeworth, uncharacteristically, does not update it to suit his argument.

Phoenix concludes that this photo is not showing the moment Leona stabbed the victim, but the moment Leona removed the knife! ... Which somehow casts doubt on her having been the one to stab the victim. Because as everyone knows, anyone wanting to kill someone would never remove a knife, it’s not like they’d bleed out faster that way, or anything.

And this whole contradiction is confusing because presumably if the victim was stabbed and then the knife was removed, they’d know that happened, because then the knife would not be found stuck in the victim’s body, since the victim was only stabbed once. So this shouldn’t be news to the prosecution that someone removed the knife after stabbing. But the investigation was headed by the most incompetent version of Gumshoe ever, so. sure. I guess no one knew.

That at least manages to extend the trial another day.

This Totally Has To Be Illegal

After the trial, Phoenix goes to talk to Governor Miller, aka Mr. Totally The Real Killer. Phoenix asks him why he decided to hire Leona as his legal advisor.

Basically, it’s because her parents were both renowned lawyers. Her father was a Chief Prosecutor, and her mother was a defense attorney. ... a prosecutor and a defense attorney couple... who does that remind us of...

Phoenix points out that just because her parents were good lawyers, it doesn’t mean she’d necessarily be one. Miller says that, sure, but she is actually really talented, and her law school marks were spectacular. Phoenix says “WHY WERE YOU LOOKING AT HER LAW SCHOOL MARKS”, like it’s somehow? suspicious? for a government official hiring legal counsel to look at their law school marks?

Apparently it IS suspicious because Governor Miller freaks out and asks if this is an interrogation. Before Phoenix can press much further, he gets a phone call, and leaves Phoenix alone in a big room.

So naturally Phoenix behaves like a fully grown adult running a law firm.

If all he did was sit in the chair, lift up a desk lamp, and poke his finger on a pen, that’s one thing. But then he leans over, OPENS THE GOVERNOR’S DESK DRAWER, and finds a knife that’s just sitting there casually. It looks like a butter knife. It’s not anything major. Maybe the dude just wanted to butter his toast?

I mean I know Phoenix will dig around in stuff whenever in the games, but he has no reason to suspect Governor Miller at all, much less dig through his drawer probably full of confidential government documents to lift up a knife that he thinks is suspicious. It’s not even covered in blood or anything?

Naturally Governor Miller’s assistant comes in just then, and Phoenix puts the knife. in his breast pocket.

bud. It may look like a butter knife, but putting knives up against your chest is not a great idea. Much less stealing a knife from a governor?

Well, in his panic, he accidentally knocks over a bunch of books on the desk. The governor’s assistant helps him pick them up, and they find a photo. Look a little familiar?

The photo has the assistant, the victim Robert Cole, Governor Miller, and the victim’s brother who died in an incident two years ago. He’s the “Neil Marshall” of this musical, and he died in what was essentially the SL-9 incident. Same general premise, except it occurred in the courthouse, and the names are different.

AND FINALLY WE REACH THE END OF ACT 1. They do a musical number here which is a weird sort of mashup of the main opening credits song, Edgeworth’s Villain Solo, and the love duet between Phoenix and Leona. They are all such different songs that it sounds a little weird.

ACT 2, FINALLY

The act begins on a sour note with Maya playing with the knife and showing off her characterization, which is one of the most infuriating Maya characterizations you’ll sometimes see around the fandom by people who don’t like Maya.

Maya: Let me whip up my special spirit channeler hamburgers!

sigh.

But then we’re saved (?) by the arrival of EDGEWORTH, who is presumably just here to chat. He asks Phoenix if he’s defending Leona in hopes of winning her back, then says to keep out of it, since it’s a very important case and he can’t understand the gravity of it.

Then Phoenix says this.

Phoenix: Would you be saying that if you were the one on trial? The defendant is in a dark prison, reaching out for hope... Can you imagine the loneliness and sorrow of being ostracized?

CAN YOU IMAGINE IT, EDGEWORTH? CAN YOU IMAGINE IF YOU WERE ON TRIAL AND I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO WOULD DEFEND YOU AND BELIEVED IN YOUR INNOCENCE??

Edgeworth responds to this by essentially rehashing his speech in Turnabout Sisters about how he needs to find all defendants guilty because he can’t guarantee their innocence and all that. Maya gets upset and leaves so that Phoenix and Edgeworth can talk about their childhood in private.

Phoenix once again complains about how people change since nine years old.

Phoenix then says that he has something Edgeworth doesn’t: the POWER TO BELIEVE! Then Maya comes in and tries to spike Edgeworth’s coffee, so he leaves.

The Class Trial

Phoenix explains a bit about Edgeworth and his backstory to Maya. Namely, the class trial. Phoenix was accused of stealing lunch money, Edgeworth stood up for him, but instead of Larry, Leona stood up for him. I guess Suzuki Kei thought “oh the class trial, if Leona stood up for him, it would be so romantic, because she’s a woman, and he’s a man”, or something like that.

Edgeworth wanted to become a Great Lawyer Like His Father! But then he turned cold as ice.

Phoenix: His father got too deeply involved in a case... and paid for it with his life. Edgeworth saw him murdered. He was never the same again. I bet he couldn’t forgive the criminal.

Yeah I bet he couldn’t ever forgive the person he thought killed his father all these years, Phoenix. I bet he really hates that person, Phoenix. I bet he has nightmares about that person killing his father or something, Phoenix.

Phoenix: He vanished, then returned without his mercy or compassion. He had become a monster. When he lost his father, he also lost the ability to believe in others.

So like... one of the most chilling things about this musical is that they never actually solve DL-6. This probably roughly takes place 15 years after DL-6, since they were about the same age when the class trial started, and at least Leona is 24 now. The next musical takes place three years from now, and in it, Edgeworth refers to von Karma as his mentor, implying he’s still around and doing things.

So, in addition to everything else going wrong with this musical, DL-6 still happens, but von Karma never frames Edgeworth for it fifteen years later. The statute of limitations runs out, and von Karma forever gets away with his crime. And Edgeworth has no idea.

What changes did they make to DL-6, though, you may ask? I’m desperate to know as well. In the third musical, which I’ve watched because I hate myself but am unable to fully understand because I don’t know much Japanese, there is a scene where Miles flashbacks to DL-6. It’s abstract, but he makes gun-throwing motions at Gregory, followed by a gunshot sound.

Therefore, in this musical’s internal canon, either Miles Edgeworth shot his father, or he believes he did for the rest of his life.

... moving on.

Phoenix: But he still has his humanity. It’s still there, deep down inside!

At least, if nothing else, Phoenix still believes in him. Even this Takarazuka Musical couldn’t touch that.

The Feenie Sweater

Right after this, Larry barges in, and Phoenix leaves him alone with Maya. The musical tries teasing Larry/Maya, but fortunately, Maya’s having none of it.

Maya: You’re barking up the wrong tree.

Props to this musical for not being as bad as it could have been.

After this, the two sit down on the couch, and Maya asks for more gossip on Phoenix and Leona. Larry launches into a story, which turns into a flashback that ends up being narrated by Phoenix halfway through. This one’s about Phoenix and Leona’s relationship.

This is an interesting line in here, “I’ll guide you to the future”, for it loosely referencing the sort of love ballad Phoenix sings with Lucia in the second musical which is about “I’ll take you to that radiant future”, and he later sings to the memory of Leona right around the time of his big spiral into despair.

I’m sorry if you haven’t read my other essay and just said “wait what” to what I just typed.

Leona was getting ready to move to New York to defend the weak “in the big city”. This is rather strange wording because it implies that California does not in fact have a big city. She says some things in her conversation with Phoenix that probably plant some of his later issues.

Leona: This is the first time we’ll be apart since we were kids.

Leona: We promised we’d always be together.

Leona: I’ll be waiting. Waiting for you to come to me.

Haha. Sure would be a shame... if something were to happen... and they wouldn’t be able to be together anymore...

So some dancers wearing black come in and take off their outer jackets, to symbolize the passage of time. They circle around Phoenix and Leona. In this, you can just barely see, Phoenix is wearing a pink sweater beneath his jacket.

“Oh,” I think to myself, “Is that the Feenie sweater? Are they including it here as a reference to the games?”

Then the dancers keep moving.

THAT IS NOT THE FEENIE SWEATER. That is a pink sweater with a sexily drawn woman on it.

This is the other half of the reason why I decided to go through with making this essay.

This is so incredibly funny to me. Suzuki Kei Who Has Played The Games Seven Times has seen the hand-knit bright pink sweater with a giant red heart on it seven times. The sweater Iris, Phoenix’s girlfriend, lovingly knit for him that he wears all the time even though it is one of the tackiest, cheesiest items of clothing to ever exist. And so, when the costume designers were designing the clothes for College Phoenix Wright, they asked themselves: “Should we include the Feenie sweater?”

and “NO,” someone must have shouted, “NO, we can NOT include the Feenie sweater, it is PINK and it has a HEART on it and it’s TOO GIRLY. Phoenix Wright is a MANLY MAN. He would not EVER wear something PINK with a HEART on it.”

“BUT,” someone else said, “it’s a REFERENCE to the original games, where he DID wear a pink sweater with a heart on it! We MUST include it to pander to the fans!”

“WAIT,” a third person interjected. “I have a BRILLIANT IDEA. We can keep the pink... But to make it VERY CLEAR he is a heterosexual, masculine male... we put a sexy woman on it.”

And Person Three Got A Raise.

Thank god we’re finally halfway done this musical.

We Just Have To Go On With Our Lives Now

There’s plot or something happening. Leona breaks up with Phoenix inexplicably over the phone. Probably because of that freaking sweater. Imagine wearing that. God.

Eventually we go back to Phoenix talking to Leona, and he asks about the Jack Lyon case, which is the rip-off version of the Joe Darke case. Leona is pretty cagey about it, but Phoenix proves that she was there in the gallery that day. Leona refuses to answer, claims again that she killed the victim in her case, and leaves.

This makes Phoenix sad, so he starts singing.

Phoenix: I want to bring you back! I believe in you.

If this sounds familiar, it’s the part where I started absolutely losing my mind in the second musical because this line had never shown up before then, I’d forgotten it was in this musical, and Phoenix was screaming it alone in a red room, so I thought he was like desperately resorting to a necromancy ritual in hopes of bringing Leona back to life.

Instead, this line actually has CONTEXT, though it does just end up enforcing my theory. This is Phoenix mourning what he used to have with Leona, wanting to bring the “old her” back, because he’s devastated that people sometimes change. There are several flashbacks of their college days where he’s wearing his Sexy Woman Sweater. He does succeed in winning her back at the end of this musical. Before she dies, of course.

Phoenix in musical 2 still believes that he can bring back what he used to have with Leona... even beyond death. That’s something affirmed by this musical. I’m very grateful to it for somehow managing to enforce my nonsensical theory.

Doctor Ema

After this, Phoenix returns to his office, and meets with someone new.

That’s right! Only now, halfway through the musical, do we actually get to meet the Ema-equivalent to Leona’s Lana-equivalent. Her name is Monica Clyde. She has little rainbow heart stickers on her briefcase, which is the closest thing this musical has to acknowledging that gay people exist.

But what does this little briefcase contain, you may ask? Scientific investigation tools? No.

A full surgical toolset. Because you never know when someone’ll get sick, or when someone will need an entire operation in front of you. I guess.

So yes, Monica Clyde is not a forensic scientist in training, but a doctor! She decided to become a doctor because of her parents, who passed away of The Sickness, and so became a doctor in order to save lives like theirs.

Once more this has much darker and deeper implications than the musical is even aware of, because Monica is so anxious about treating sick people that she carries a full surgical toolset around with her at all times, scared to lose someone like she lost her parents... and then sometime in the next three years, Leona, her big sister, is going to die.

Of what? The strange Sickness that claimed her parents? A car accident? A botched spur-of-the-moment surgery? Whatever it is, Monica was unable to save her, even when she’d been training her entire life for it.

Monica is not mentioned at all throughout the second musical. It’s as if she does not exist.

Because unlike Ema of Rise From The Ashes, Monica is not at the heart of this story. She is, primarily, a plot device here to make Leona not trust Phoenix so that he can angst about their relationship.

What a mess this world is.

The Trial, Part 2

Rather than try to prove Leona’s innocence, Phoenix wants to link the current case to not-SL-9, the Jack Lyon case. He does this by showing this picture.

Senator Cole, the victim, is in this picture. His younger brother whose name I’ve forgotten, the victim of not-SL-9, is also in this picture. They are brothers. It is apparently novel that they are in the same picture, and somehow makes their cases linked.

As well, Governor Miller is in the picture. I guess you could say like... Governor Miller’s legal counsel is the defendant, so that’s another link? Even though the Governor would presumably know a Senator, so this isn’t an unusual group. Right now Phoenix has absolutely nothing to prove that these two cases are linked other than “hey, these two victims are brothers”, but apparently it works. So they spend a lot of time talking about not-SL-9, since Leona has confessed to the murder on day 1 and there is absolutely nothing indicating that she can’t be immediately declared guilty.

They hid the fact that Monica was a hostage in this not-SL-9, meaning that some of the case records were forged. Here’s Edgeworth’s reaction when this comes out.

Edgeworth: This is an outrage! I’m the most influential prosecutor in America! There’s nothing I don’t know!

In RFTA, when Edgeworth learns he’d been using forged evidence to give a man the death penalty, he is devastated, his entire worldview is shaken, he sees himself as a monster who could end up becoming horribly corrupt if he isn’t stopped.

Musical Edgeworth goes “I DIDN’T KNOW SOMETHING???”

It’s certainly strange characterization, but I guess Edgeworth is further behind in his character arc than in RFTA, so... ugh. Fine.

Phoenix calls Monica out as a witness to prove she was involved in the case. This causes Leona to panic, and try to dismiss Phoenix as her attorney, like Lana in RFTA, but Edgeworth interjects to call Monica in anyways. He and Phoenix have a little moment.

Edgeworth: You said to believe in others. I suppose I’ll try believing in you. Try to keep up.

Phoenix: Edgeworth!

So Monica comes to the stand to testify. We get to see this picture of Monica being held hostage, and not-Joe-Darke’s incredible eyeliner.

Lots of it is very similar to the actual RFTA, except instead of the victim being stabbed on the knight with the giant knife, he’s instead stabbed with a regular old knife. Leona still refuses to admit to what really happened, until Edgeworth convinces her to believe in Phoenix.

Edgeworth: Your attorney is a runaway train with a one-track mind. Yet he placed all of his faith in you. Believe in him. You owe him that much.

Leona testifies, and says that when she found the victim, he was stabbed with a scalpel.

Here is where things get weird.

Scalpels Can’t Kill People

So basically earlier in this trial, they talk about how Leona knew that the knife that stabbed the victim was double-edged despite being buried in his chest. The judge questions if this means Leona killed him, but Phoenix is quick to say no, she was searched when she entered the courthouse and couldn’t have concealed a knife.

Yet, Monica was able to bring in her surgical toolkit which contains several sharp knives, scalpels, scissors, etc.

This is the first major contradiction.

Leona continues to say that when she found Monica, and the scalpel stabbed in the victim, she also ran into Governor Miller, who if you haven’t been able to tell yet is the Gant-equivalent of this musical. He offered to help her with the cover-up, etc.

The next bit goes a lot like RFTA. Phoenix accuses Governor Miller, who barges in, says Phoenix has the decisive evidence in his pocket. This is the “butter knife” that Phoenix took from his office when he dug around in confidential documents and stole it for no particular reason. It has Monica’s fingerprints on it! ... And Phoenix’s and Maya’s too probably because they were handling it without gloves, but they don’t mention that part.

Leona cries about how she shouldn’t have trusted Phoenix because he was apparently now blaming Monica, Monica looks terrified, she and Leona have some good sister moments but it’s not as good as it could be if the story was actually about Leona and Monica like how RFTA was about Lana and Ema. But Phoenix has the decisive piece of evidence that can turn this around.

It is this:

Phoenix: Scalpels are made for medical incisions, not stabbings. So how did it stab the victim?

...

... What?

So like. Yes, scalpels are made for medical incisions. Medical incisions often involve cutting through flesh, very easily. As a result, they are sharp. Extremely sharp. As in: their purpose is literally to stab people, very specifically.

Yes, they’re easier to control, so that surgeons don’t regularly stab people how they’re not supposed to be stabbed, but it’s not like, impossible to stab someone in a killing way with a scalpel? Admittedly, I have never tried to kill someone using a scalpel. And I do not have experience using a scalpel for surgeries because I am not a surgeon. But I’m pretty sure, if you take a sharp scalpel, and you stab someone in the chest with it with a reasonable amount of force... they die.

Like, is this a particular kind of scalpel that is not very sharp? Is the problem that the blade doesn’t match up with the initial wound? But even then, we don’t have the original unforged autopsy report or even a picture, so how would Phoenix know what the original wound looked like to say it didn’t match up? And even then why wouldn’t Phoenix say that instead of SCALPELS CAN’T STAB PEOPLE???

This is his decisive contradiction and it makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE TO ME!!!

Well Darn I Guess Scalpels Can’t Kill People

This is such a decisive piece of evidence, that scalpels can’t kill people, coming from the man who thought “caught red-handed” does not involve being caught standing over a corpse with blood on your hands, that it causes Governor Miller to confess.

Unlike Gant, who created the murder with Neil Marshall both to ensure that there was decisive evidence to convict Joe Darke, a serial killer who had not left any decisive evidence behind, and gain control over the prosecutor’s office in order to pull similar stunts to get criminals convicted using false evidence, Governor Miller does not have that as his motive. After all, he’s not a police officer. Instead, he ended up accidentally killing not-Joe-Darke, and then set up the incident in order to get Leona on his side. As her parents were both influential lawyers and very respectable, having her and her parents’ reputation on his side could help him become President of America Where This Takes Place.

So, let’s just take a moment to run over some of the things that made the original Rise From The Ashes great, in my opinion. Just for fun.

1 - The heart of the story between the Skye sisters. Lana closing off to protect Ema, Ema wanting to get through to her sister and get back to the way things used to be. Phoenix, in this story, is more of a bystander to this plotline rather than in the heart of it himself.

2 - Edgeworth’s Character Development. Basically RFTA creates an interesting transition between Turnabout Goodbyes and JFA. It causes Edgeworth to re-evaluate everything he knows about being a prosecutor. So quickly on the heels of Turnabout Goodbyes, it crushes the last bit of hope in him. It compares him to Gant, who also hates criminals, and forces him to wonder if his hatred of crime will one day lead to him being a criminal himself. He’s already convicted one person on forged evidence; how many others could there be?

3 - The Ends Justify The Means. ... wait come back, don’t leave. What I found neat about this case was also Gant’s motive. At one point he was presumably an honest person who hated crime and wanted to stop criminals. But over time in the police force, he became corrupted. He wanted to have all criminals convicted. So what do you do when you don’t have the evidence to convict them? Joe Darke was a serial killer who has killed several people and may have killed more if he’d gone free. The only way to stop and convict him was by using forged evidence. Other criminals could hide evidence to get away with their crimes, so people like Gant would make it up to catch them; but then when do you stop? What happens if there’s no evidence because someone is truly innocent? When does the line between “this person is a criminal and I want to stop them” and “I just want to convict everyone I’m dealing with” become blurred? This is also something he shares with Edgeworth and helps to advance his character.

All three of these things are either lessened or outright ignored in this musical. Leona and Monica’s story takes a backseat to Phoenix and Leona’s Love Story, with Monica only showing up halfway through, and mainly as an excuse as to why Leona is withdrawn. Edgeworth doesn’t seem to blame himself for the forged evidence he used, and doesn’t have a crisis questioning his morality over it. And Governor Miller’s motive is purely power. Unlike Gant, who would have become Chief of Police whether he solved SL-9 or not, Miller needed Leona to win the presidency. And instead of asking her to help him with his campaign like a normal person, he just blackmailed her instead.

... How do you play the games seven times and miss this much?

The Case Finally Ends

god. we’re almost there.

The case ends, Leona is declared not guilty but will still face trial for covering up murders and such. Probably less of a sentence than Lana because she was not involved in ongoing police corruption? Either way she’s dead in three years, so she’s got something a bit more concerning coming up.

She’s led away. Phoenix sings a bit about Leona before being interrupted by Edgeworth... who has something important to tell him.

Edgeworth: You awakened within me those once-cherished emotions I had discarded. I see visions of a distant, nostalgic past.

So basically this is the unnecessary feelings of the musical. Something along the lines of “seeing you again and fighting for my former ideals is making me question many things about myself.”

How does Phoenix respond?

Phoenix: Edgeworth... Try talking normally for a chance.

Sure, we were all thinking it, but that’s a little cold, Phoenix.

Edgeworth tries a smooth recovery.

Edgeworth: I don’t do... idle chit-chat.

This doesn’t accomplish much. So he leaves to allow Leona to visit with Phoenix alone. He’s got to go change for something more important coming up.

Leona and Phoenix decide that they’re going to get back together once Leona is done her sentence! They make a promise that is very funny if you know she’ll be dead in three years.

Phoenix: I’ll be waiting. For you.

There are a lot of hugs here, I’m not screencapping them all. There are also several moments where their faces get very close together and like, their nose brushes the other’s cheek or something, but they never actually kiss. Is it because the actresses weren’t comfortable with it (valid), or they thought kissing would be too much for the musical (sure, whatever), or since both characters are played by women the show staff did not want two women kissing on stage (probably the real answer)? I don’t like watching kisses, but I kept bracing myself for one and then it never happened, so.

Phoenix ends the main part of the musical with one last musical number starring my personal favourite piece:

Phoenix: I want to bring you back! I believe in you.

I like to think that at this point, this is present-day Phoenix, after finishing his reminiscing, still desperately wishing he could bring Leona back from death.

But alas, he cannot. And so, after one last daydream of them dancing together on the beaches of California, singing about their love, the musical ends.

Dance Time!

This starts at exactly the two hour mark, if you’re interested in watching what is, once again, one of the only fun parts of this musical.

Seriously, Edgeworth’s actress kills it here, when I first saw this I went “oh, this is why I saw so many people being gay for her on twitter.”

Edgeworth’s song is an encore of “My Rule”, so it’s lots of fun. Afterwards Phoenix gets another fun piece.

Then we get to the love ballad part, which I can probably overanalyze, I feel like I haven’t done enough ridiculous over-analyzing in this essay in comparison to the other.

Uhhh so the fog represents how Phoenix feels lost in this world without Leona. You can see it in the second screenshot separating the two of them, representing the barrier of death between the two of them. Idk it’s midnight I’m getting worn out from having to think about this musical for so long.

But his mourning over Leona’s death becomes even more apparent in the credits, where Phoenix sings that one line again:

Phoenix: I want to bring you back! I believe in you.

I’m not fixing that screenshot, I think it’s oddly fitting, in a way. That’s me right now.

Then at the very end, he sings this song.

Phoenix: I’ll spend... this eternal life... soaring through... the heavens!

Technically, this refers to his name Phoenix, but let’s dig a little deeper. He spends the rest of his life soaring through the heavens... the heavens that Leona went to after her untimely death, perhaps?

Overall, the musical becomes much more interesting when you just see it as a prequel to the second musical. This musical establishes many core concepts of Phoenix’s character: his refusal to believe in the concept of things changing, for one, and also his extreme dependency on Leona who he was never separated from since they were kids and where he based his entire life around her dreams and ideals. All he can think about is her. And in the end, he promises to wait for her in California.

Yet, to paraphrase Miles Edgeworth, all that is waiting for him is her death. Their dream of opening up a Mom & Pop Law Firm will never come true.

Thanks again for bearing with me even though this wasn’t as funny!

#ace attorney #phoenix wright the truth reborn #idk maybe someone wanted to know what the first musical was like without actually watching it?#my essays #my posts #i'm TIRED i'm going to BED goodNIGHT #this is less funny jokes and more actually criticizing the musical #because so much of this is like. wow. you really thought that was a good idea huh #just skip to the feenie sweater part honestly that's the funniest part of this musical

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bubbleteaimagines · 4 years

Text

AMERICA’S GOLDEN TOY

summary || steve makes good use of you after kidnapping you from a hydra base

pairings || dark!steve rogers x reader

warnings || this post contains dark content (noncon) smut, swearing, dracaphilia kink, loss of virginity, non-consensual filming

notes || continuation of this imagine

MINORS DNI // 18+

you heard the sirens before anything else. they blared all over the facility, distracting you from your work and causing you to drop your graduated cylinder.

“shit!” you cursed in german and quickly began to gather yourself.

you knew what the sirens meant — your father had forced you to participate in every emergency briefing there was. he was a high level member of hydra and quite proud that you, his daughter, were following in his footsteps.

at only twenty years old, you were already a renowned scientist. often, you created remedies and such for hydra to use on their victims. you helped caused terror and chaos, but of course, you didn’t see it that way.

you quickly began to gather all of your important files as the sirens got louder. your whole lab was flashing red, causing your vision to be skewed.

you stumbled around in the red light, your heels not making it any better. you grabbed hard drives and anything else you could think of before quickly bursting out of the door, joining the chaos in the hallways.

all around you, hydra personnel was being scattered about, some running and others fleeing towards the fight. you didn’t even know what the threat was, but if it was enough to activate the emergency sirens then it had to be deadly.

“y/n!” in the midst of your running, someone called your name and pulled you to them. you yelped, but quickly calmed down once you saw that it was your father.

“papa,” you looked at him, shocked. “what’s going on? where is all this chaos coming from?”

“the avengers,” the answer made your blood run cold, “they are here. they have found us. we must get out, quickly!”

he wasted no time in pulling you towards the safety exit, one that only the most important memebers knew about. you stumbled as you struggled to keep up, your hands tightly clutching your precious research.

somewhere along the way though, you had accidentally dropped one of your drives. you let go of your father’s hand for one second to retrieve it, but that turned out to be the biggest mistake of your life.

a flash of blue in the red light could be seen as you bent over to grab it quickly. but you weren’t fast enough, and by the time you had come back up and started running again, it was too late.

steve rogers caught you easily as your father yelled behind him for you. his armor cladded suit pressed against your frame and you struggled against the muscular man.

“y/n!” your father panicked, wondering if he should run or help you.

“papa! go, please! it is too late for me,” you cried as you struggled in steve’s arms. “go!”

your father looked hesitant, but a nod from you urged him to keep running. that left you, helpless as the avenger glared at you fiercely.

“tony, nat, i’ve captured a prisoner. her father managed to escape but i think you can still catch him,” he spoke into a device.

“roger that, cap,” the voice of an unknown man came back.

you glared at him as you thrashed in his arms.

“there are no prisoners with hydra!” you yelled out, releasing the poison hidden behind your teeth and preparing to swallow it.

however, before you could steve already had an antidote shoved down your throat, knowing that this was common with those captured.

“you’re not dying today,” he snapped at you, as the concoction also knocked you out cold. “not before we make some use of you.”

when you woke up, you were in a moderately decorative room.

it was furnished with a dresser, a nightstand with a lamp, a tv, and a king sized bed that you were currently laying on.

as soon as you came to, you tried to hop off the bed and escape. but you were wildly unsuccessful, seeing as your hands and feet were tied and you were gagged.

“help!” you still tried to call out for someone, through your sounds were muffled. “somebody please, help me!”

there was shuffling out in the hallway and you paused, foolishly thinking it was your father or another hydra member coming to save you.

but quickly, you realized that wasn’t the case when the same man that kidnapped you walked in.

“well well, i see you’re awake,” his deep voice filled the room as he sauntered in.

you glared at him.

“let me go!” you yelled through the gag, trashing even though your movements were limited.

“what was that? sorry i can’t hear you,” he smirked. your hatred for him increased even more as he mocked you.

“asshole!” you cursed in german. “let me go, now! before i kill you!”

steve seemed to get tired of your muffled screaming so he finally removed the gag. when he did, the first thing you did was spit on him.

“filthy scum! how dare you tie me up like an animal!” you yelled.

you were met with a harsh glare and slap so hard that it knocked the breath out of you. steve fumed as he wiped the spit away, rasing his hand threateningly.

“do it again and i swear to god...” he trailed off.

“what do you want from me!” you resisted the urge to cry as your face stung from the violent blow.

“information,” steve said almost immediately, as if it were obvious. “we decided not to throw in you in a cell because you could be useful to us. tony figured you’d open up more in a more...comfortable setting.”

“go to hell,” you immediately spit, causing steve to raise an eyebrow. “i’ll never tell you anything. i’d rather die!”

“well then it’s a good thing you were already carrying these,” steve said coolly, holding up an object.

you gasped when you noticed it was your drives. the very ones you risked capture for.

“give those back!” you cried, struggling even harder. “those belong to hydra! those belong to me!”

“not any more,” steve said. “everything in that base now belongs to the avengers. including you.”

you didn’t like the way his eyes sized you up. it made you uncomfortable, scared even but you weren’t about to show it.

“you can keep me here until i starve. i won’t give you any more information,” you said.

“oh we know. we’ve been known that everyone in hydra has tight lips,” steve chuckled. “but you see, we started to figure out why. and do you wanna know what we came up with?”

you said nothing.

steve continued anyways. “see we figured it was because hydra never had anything to lose. their files are encrypted. everyone is willing to die for that scum organization. we the avengers have never had a way to gain leverage over them. but after we took you...we realized that now we do.”

“what do you mean?” you asked dumbly, though you feared the answer.

steve answered by stalking towards you. slowly, you began to try and back away as his face came down to yours, his voice dark and dangerously low.

“it means, it wasn’t an accident i took you over you father. i could have captured you both. but i let him go free, just so he and the rest of the scum can witness this. you, tied up in captain america’s bedroom, helpless,” he smirked.

“no!” you exclaimed, horror seeping through your veins.

“say hi to daddy and his colleagues,” steve chuckled, pointing towards the tv.

you didn’t know how you missed it, but on the dresser stood a camera, and on the tv itself showed live footage.

of you, handcuffed on steve’s bed.

“oh, i can’t say i won’t enjoy finishing this mission,” he shook his head. “it’s the first damn time i’m getting something in return.”

“get away from me!” you screamed at him as he undid your cuffs, yanking you closer to him.

the delightment of being free was replaced by utter panic at the pending situation. you tried your best to get up, springing off the bed but steve only pushed you down, laughing.

“did you forget who you were dealing with?” steve asked. “everything is this room will prevent you from escaping. the doors won’t open without a code. there’s no windows. and of course, you’d have to get passed me. but i’m not letting you leave until i get what i want.”

“you monster!” you punched his chest as he gripped you harshly, dragging you to the edge of the bed.

but your assault seemed to do nothing against the super soldier, merely egging him on as he reached for your clothing.

“nothing but a skirt and a blouse. not even pantyhose,” he tsked. “you must have been prepared for me, then.”

tears of humiliation began to form as he grabbed your skirt and shirt and tore them off. the black bra and lacy red panties that you were wearing were durely exposed to the camera, where your father and all your coworkers were watching.

“can you feel it now?” steve asked, dodging your blows and pinning you down with his arms. “the sheer panic creeping in your veins? the knowledge that there’s only one way out of this, and that’s by me taking control of that little pussy of yours?”

your eyes widened as he voiced his plans out loud, the reality of situation finally sinking in.

“no please!” all your life you had been taught not to beg. you had been taught to never give into the enemy, to always choose silence and death over the weakness of pleading. but this was steve rogers you were talking about. you thought he was one of the good guys. you thought he was america’s golden boy. “don’t!”

“what’s this, a little hydra slut begging for her life?” you cried out as steve ripped the bra off, too, leaving you completely exposed. “that’s definitely new. but i gotta say, begging wont get you anywhere now. it’s too late, i’m gonna make use of america’s golden toy now.”

“i thought you were a good guy! the avengers are supposed to be the good ones! you’re not supposed to do this!” you said while steve began to shed his clothes.

“good?” he chuckled as he stood over you. “that’s funny. i guess it just depends on the perspective.”

you stared at each other as he began to free his cock. it was impressive really, how he managed to get both of you naked all while holding you down.

you had never felt more powerless in your life. you were a scientist after all. you were smart and brilliant and on top of the world at hydra. but here though...

here you felt like nothing more than a simple speck of dust.

“open up, slut,” steve suddenly shoved his cock in your face as you jumped back, startled. “let’s show daddy how well your mouth works.”

“no!” you refused to open your mouth for him, you refused to even look at him, turning your head to face the wall.

but steve was quick to a solution; he grabbed your jaw and forced your lips open, backhanding you to get you to comply.

“i’m not gonna ask you again,” he said lowly while you sobbed. “open up.”

shakily, you obeyed. you opened your lips and slowly steve began to push his cock in, moaning at the feeling of your tight lips wrapped around him.

“ah, fuck,” he grabbed a hand full of hair to steady himself while you stood still. “go on, don’t be afraid. suck my cock like the little whore you are.”

you would have rather chosen death than blow steve rogers but that wasn’t an option. what was though, was moving your head back and forth, trying to take his impossibly thick length in your mouth.

“there’s a good girl,” he cooed as your head bobbed. “take me. take all of it!”

you resisted the urge to gag as he shoved himself in the back of your throat. gripping his hips, you sobbed on his dick, tears falling down your face as he throat fucked you.

“that’s it...nice and deep,” steve moaned. “god, i can’t wait to see what your pussy feels like.”

he was cumming in no time, the combination of you sucking and playing with his balls sending him over the edge.

he panted as he pulled out, his hot seed trickling down your throat. you gagged immediately as he released you, feeling absolutely and utterly disgusted with yourself.

“you see that, dad?” steve smirked at the camera. “your little girl just drained my balls dry. and she’s about to do it again. watch.”

you cried out as steve roughly pulled you up and flipped you on the bed. you tried one last time to escape, crawling on your knees away from him but it was all too easy for him to pull you back down.

“a fair warning to all hydra personnel, this is what happens if you mess with shield,” he growled.

you were a blubbering mess as he forced your legs open, pleading and begging for your release. you didn’t wanna be taken, not like this. you didn’t wanna lose your virginity to this man.

“you can’t save her now,” steve looked directly into camera, “but maybe when i’m through with her you’ll learn your lesson.”

he positioned his thick cock, lubricated with your spit, at your entrance. and then, before you could even comprehend what was happening, he slammed into you.

a scream bubbled up in your throat and ripped out as your pussy was violently desecrated.

steve filled you nearly to the brink, moaning and whimper at the tight fit.

pain exploded all over your body. your pussy felt like it was on fire. you tried to claw your way away but steve held you tightly in his arms, disabling you to move.

you were trapped, tears falling down wildly as steve began to fuck you balls deep.

“so tight,” he moaned while you let out a gutteted sob. “so fucking good to me. you’re squeezing me baby. you’ve must have never taken a cock a before, have you?”

“no!” you screamed out as steve pounded into you at a jarring pace. “p-please! please!”

“virgin,” steve realized, knowing why you were so scared. “god that’s so hot.”

“please...please! captain stop!” you begged, not being able to take it anymore. you couldn’t take him. your pussy wouldn’t even let him get all the way in. you were straining so much, but yet he fought. he fought so hard to make sure all but his balls were inside of you.

“well, since you asked so nicely,” steve smirked.

he flipped you over again but before you could cherish the release he was slamming into your pussy again, this time forcing on you top of him with your back laid against his chest.

steve cooed in your ear as you took his merciless pounding, reminding you of what a filthy whore you were.

you wanted this, he told you. this was your fault. you wanted his cock deep inside of you. wanted people to watch. you wanted people to know how much of a slut you were.

“tell them!” steve shouted, his balls slapping your pussy. you sobbed for his mercy. “tell them how much of a whore you are! tell your daddy how much you love captain america! tell him!”

“papa,” you blubbered towards the screen. you saw yourself, looking pathetic while you sat on captain america’s cock. he filled you to the brink, your stomach pretruding out to show just how deep he was. “i love him! i love captain america!”

“atta girl,” steve kissed your neck, his beard scraping your shoulder as he buried his face in your neck. he held you tight, the sound of him battering your little pussy echoing throughout the room.

finally, he turned your head towards him and kissed you. one last humiliating act before he finally came, shuttering to a stop as he drained his balls directly into your womb.

“how’s that for a mission accomplished,” steve laughed while you slumped against him, clinging to him for dear life. your pussy was battered, filled to the brink his cum. your mind was gone.

you could hardly think. you searched for a sense of safety. for a sense of warmth. you cuddled yourself closely to him, taking shelter in the arms of your abuser.

“please...please...” you sobbed against him.

steve held you tight in his arms, kissing your temple. he knew he had broken you. he knew that you were beyond recovering now.

“it’s okay,” he whispered, still buried deep inside of you. “you’re with the earth’s mightiest heroes now. you’re safe. nothing’s ever gonna hurt you again.”

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butwhyduh · 3 years

Text

Ghosts

Tim Drake x reader

Warning: grief, maladaptive grieving strategies, alcohol, smut, ghosts

I wrote this probably 3 months ago and just now edited it.

You met Tim Drake at the graveyard. It was a blustery early February day. The snow was on the ground but hadn’t snowed in a few days. A short dry blessing for Gotham. Graveyards were the few places that were treated as sanctuaries that they were. Most people in Gotham knew more than their fair share of loved ones residing in multiple across the city.

You walked down the stone path. In the summer the lazy shade of oak trees covered the path but right now, the bare branches just hung mockingly as they protected only a little from Gotham’s frequently bad winds.

You pulled your coat a little tighter and wished you had grabbed a scarf too. Nevermind, your visit was going to be short. You moved with practiced ease through the tombstones. You knew exactly were they were buried. A delicate iron fence surrounded a small spattering of stones. His family plot.

You walked through the gate to a grave on the right side. A small stone vase was attached to the tombstone. You placed a single white daffodil before standing silently. You had nothing to say. Funny when you miss a final goodbye, you often run out of things to say afterwards. You couldn’t cry. It was too stiff. Too odd. All you could do is sigh deeply before walking out of the yard.

You swiftly walked down the path as you hoped to escape the place that caused so much pain. In your hast, you hadn’t bothered watching for others. People very rarely visited on such cold days. You ran into someone.

“I’m so sorry,” you gasped. You’d ran into a man that was clearly grieving. How terribly rude.

“I’m okay,” he said steadying you with a hand on your elbow.

“I’m so sorry to bother you. I’ll let you be,” you said, flushing even in the cold weather.

“Are you alright?” He asked looking at you carefully. You nodded but didn’t move. “Grief is odd, isn’t it? I had to come down here but feel nothing. Not a damn thing.”

You froze. Most people weren’t this honest. “I get it. Grieving sucks. And it never makes any sense, hu?”

“No. It really doesn’t. I think that I’ll come down here and have a deep conversation with him but nothing comes out. I get over here and feel silly talking to a stone,” he said with a sigh. You looked at him. He was about your age and wore a long black peakcoat and a red scarf that whipped in the wind. His clothes were impeccably tailored but looked almost too mature for him. Something a man closer to 30 would wear rather than a guy around 20. Black hair, icy blue eyes. A little bit of a natural sarcastic smile.

“Sometimes the words come when I sit for a while,” you offered.

“Do you- do you mind if I ask who you were visiting? Not their name but who they were to you? You don’t have to. I just wonder,” he said. You hesitated before speaking.

“My boyfriend. He was my boyfriend. And you?”

“My best friend,” he said. “I don’t visit enough. Not near enough.”

“I understand. I’ll let you be then. So you can talk to them instead,” you said carefully. Most people wanted quiet alone time with their dead loved ones. Unlike you. You felt a sense of relief. At least your ghosts weren’t speaking to you when there was someone there.

“Please don’t,” he said quickly. Perhaps not. Maybe you weren’t the only one haunted by ghosts, even if his was more metaphorical. “I just hate being here alone. You don’t have to stay. I’m just a weirdo asking you to hang around a random grave.”

“It’s okay. I really hate being here alone too,” you said barely over a whisper. He nodded. “Do you- do you want to talk about them?”

“Him. Not really. He was just so young. To be dead already,” he said. You looked at the headstone. Yes 22 was far too young to be in the ground. You didn’t say anything.

“I’ll wake up and forget he’s dead sometimes,” he said playing with his fingers roughly. “And it’s like he dies all over again.”

“I’m so sorry. I’ll have a dream so vivid that it’s like he’s back. Sleeping can be so cruel, can’t it?” You said, feeling your throat tighten a little.

“It’s the worst. I just see his death over and over. I think my mind hates me sometime,” he admitted before gulping. You nodded again. You didn’t trust your voice not to break and you could bear to cry.

“You’re freezing,” he said suddenly, looking at you. “Here,” he offered you his scarf and put it around your neck before you could truly protest. His soft cologne invaded your senses. “Do you want get a drink? Or a coffee?”

“I could use a drink,” you answered and he nodded. He kicked the dirt with the tip of his shoes.

“There’s a little pub around the corner. They play cliche Irish music but it’s pretty quiet with good drinks,” he said.

“What’s your name?” You asked.

“Tim. Yours?” He asked back and you told him your first name. “Drinks? It’s cool if not.”

“Yes. I’m half frozen at this point,” you admitted.

“I can tell. You need to wear more layers,” Tim said with a small smirk.

��Is that Gotham’s version of ‘you’re not from around here?’” You asked. He huffed in amusement.

“Basically. You’re from somewhere warmer,” he said. You shrugged in agreement. “Let’s get going before you freeze.”

“It would be the most ironic place to die,” you responded. He shook his head but didn’t seem upset at your dark humor.

The pub was Irish themed in a way that made you wonder if they did anymore research besides the color green and putting on Flogging Molly which isn’t really Irish anyways. But it was warm and smelled like fried food. You sat in a cramped booth in the back and you couldn’t help but notice just how out of place Tim looked. Everything about him screamed rich and this was a working class bar. Tim didn’t seem to mind though.

“Are you hungry,” he asked and you realized you had a rumbling in your stomach. When was the last time you ate?

“Yeah. I wasn’t hungry until just now,” you commented.

“Yeah I usually force myself to eat,” he said waving over the waiter, a tall skinny guy that looked about 14 with almost white blond hair wet with sweat. You both ordered food and drinks.

“What do you do for a living,” you asked Tim as the food arrived. You were finally warm.

“My job is really boring. I work in investment in a technological corporation,” he said and your eyebrows rose. Tim shedded his coat. “I told you, boring.”

“Sounds... serious,” you said with a little smile and he chuckled. His smile was handsome and he had pretty blue eyes.

“Well, yeah. What do you do? Is your job fun?” He asked in a teasing voice. Even as you smiled back at him, you felt guilty. How could you be happy right now?

“I’m a painter. Or I’d like to be. I mainly design advertisements for companies right now,” you said.

“Painting? That actually sounds fun,” he said a little surprised. “Sorry. I haven’t really been around people since...”

“Yeah. It’s hard to be there when their happy and you’re...” you said. Great. You just made it dark again.

“Yeah...”

“Hey pretty lady,” a drunk man said, sitting next to you in the booth, pushing you closer to the wall. “Have I seen an angel on a star, or whatever.”

“Okay, let’s get going,” Tim said standing up and putting his hand on the guy’s shoulder and the guy shrugged him off. “She doesn’t want to talk to you.”

“How do you know, rich boy? Maybe she wants to talk to a real man,” he said with a lopsided grin.

“I don’t,” you breathed as he leaned towards you. You pulled back against the wall. Tim pulled the man out of the booth. The guy growled and sized Tim up. He must have thought he had a good chance, being at least 4-5 inches taller and 50 lbs or more heavier.

He took a drunken swing at Tim who easily deflected away from him. The man didn’t stop but tried to punch Tim again. When he deflected another attack, the man grew even more red faced and tried to tackle Tim against the table. Before the gasp you made could fully come out, Tim had slipped out of the way and grabbed the back of the man’s neck and popped his face on the table. The man slid down unconscious to lay on the floor.

You stared with your mouth slightly agape. What the hell just happened??

“Are you okay?” Tim asked and you stuttered before assuring him you were. “Then we should probably get going. The bar won’t like this.”

“It’s a pub,” you corrected.

“Yeah, let’s go,” he said and you snapped out of it as he grabbed your hand and left out the building before the owner could throw you out. He instead screamed out the door that neither of you could come back. You and Tim ran down the street before stopping at the next block. You laughed loudly and after a confused second, Tim joined. He was still holding your hand.

“That’s the most fun I’ve had in a long time,” you said loudly before Tim shushed you. “How did you? He didn’t even get one hit in,” you breathed.

“Luck I guess?”

“Not a chance. You do karate or something,” you said, standing way too close to him. He grinned at you.

“Some Krav Maga. A little Jui Jitsu,” Tim said almost shyly and you nodded.

“I’ll pretend to know know what those are,” you said and he chuckled. “Thank you.”

“Not a problem,” Tim said staring at you. You caught him looking down at your lips. He was really handsome and had just saved you. Cliche? Totally. Did you care? No.

You put your arm on his other shoulder, Tim’s free hand slid to hold your waist. He bent until he was just short of kissing you. All you had to do was lean up to kiss him.

“Can I?” He breathed.

“Yes,” you whispered. He pressed his lips against yours. The kiss started gentle but before long Tim’s hand held your jaw as he pushed his tongue in your mouth. You made a little breathy moan. Tim pulled back to catch a breath but still rested his forehead against yours. You grabbed his collar and pulled him back in. He grasped your back and pressed your body against his. You were panting when you finally pulled your lips apart.

“My place is a few blocks away,” you breathed. He gave you a questioning look. “If you, if you wanna come back.” He nodded before giving you a dizzying kiss. “Through this alley and we’ll be there in 2 minutes.”

“You shouldn’t walk through alleys,” he said before giving you another kiss. You pulled him along.

“I think I’m fine with you.” You said kissing him before walking some more.

“Okay but still. Alleys are dangerous.” He answered before you placed another kiss on his lips.

“Yeah, and we’re out of the alley now,” you said. “And here’s my building,” you said suddenly shy. You didn’t want your neighbors seeing you kissing some random guy. Especially one obviously rich like Tim. He probably didn’t even know he stuck out. You pulled away from him.

You unlocked the door and quietly offered for him to walk in. Where did your boldness go? Tim stepped in and you thanked your stars that you had cleaned up that morning.

“Do you want a drink?” You asked as you shut the door. Tim hung his coat on a coat rack that had come with the places. He shook his head and walked over to you. His eyes looked over your body like he wanted to eat you.

“What do you want?” You whispered. He looked down at you with dark eyes. His lips were red from your kissing.

“You?” He said more as a question. Can I have you?

“Hmm,” you said with a little smirk before pulling him down by the collar to kiss more. Tim’s hands roamed your body, gentle at first and then more aggressive.

You knew you shouldn’t bring a man home. Not a one night stand. Especially because you were grieving. Emotional. But as dusk fell outside your window and his hands held you firmly, you couldn’t help but be grateful that he was chasing your ghosts away. He leaned over your in bed, his lips pressed against your collarbone as he fingered you.

“Do you have condoms?” He breathed against your skin in a rough voice.

“Bedside table, top drawer,” you answered. Tim reached over to grab one. “Are you sure? Do you want this?” He asked, holding it in hand.

“Yes,” you said taking the condom to roll it on yourself. Tim breathed out quickly as you jerked a few times before sliding it on. He leaned over you and carefully looked over your face before sliding in.

You arched into his touch as he moved. His touch was soft, sweet, cautious. But not in the way anyone in your life treated you. There was no pity. You weren’t a broken doll to be tiptoed around. He was grieving too. His movement sped up as you both got closer and you got out of your head.

You softly moaned his name as you came. Tim groaned before resting his forehead against yours as he finished. He pulled out and threw the condom away. He pulled on his boxers but didn’t seem to know what to do next.

“Stay,” you said and he looked at you surprised.

“Are you sure?”

“Just-just tonight. I hate sleeping alone,” you said, feeling small. The idea of him leaving had the place feel colder, darker. Tim seemed to deliberate in his head before nodding.

“I can stay just tonight,” he said and you weren’t quite sure if he was telling you or himself. He climbed in bed and you scooted closer. He laid on his side and you slid closer to spoon. It was comforting to hear another heartbeat and feel the warmth of a body. It’d been months since you’d had that. Even if it was just one night, you didn’t feel alone. It felt secure and you quickly fell asleep.

You woke up to the unfamiliar but pleasant sensation of laying on a man’s chest wrapped up tight in blankets. A steady heartbeat and warm skin was soothing in the early morning light. You almost drifted off to sleep to the sounds of his breathing when you saw her.

A ghost. A woman in her late 30s or early 40s in conservative upper class women clothing that wasn’t too out of date. She had her arms crossed over her chest and she looked down at you both in disapproval. Her nose looked like Tim’s and she had the same black straight hair as he did.

You gulped and tried to blink her away. That worked some times. Not today. It was weird to see her anyways. Wasn’t it his make best friend that died? Who was she? She stepped closer and you stiffened. She was self-aware and was trying to speak to you. A very determined ghost indeed.

Tim moved in his sleep as if he could sense her presence. She reached out her hand as if she wanted to push the hair back on his forehead. You gasped as she moved closer. What kind of fucking ghost...? Tim woke up and she disappeared with a pop.

“You okay? You look scared or something,” he said in a rough pretty morning voice. You debated answering him truthfully that he was haunted by a mean looking woman but decided against it. He was a one night thing right?

“Nothing. Go back to sleep,” you said and he nuzzled closer.

“Hmm I’d rather have breakfast,” he muttered kissing your neck. You flushed. You hadn’t bothered shopping in a while.

“I don’t really- my fridge is-“

“Not the kind I’m talking about,” Tim said gently pushing you to your back.

“Oh,” you said as he slid beneath the sheets. You certainly weren’t complaining as he kissed down your body. He was good at it but it was also a great tactile distraction. Ghosts weren’t there when you were far to busy to see them.

It’s a little different so let me know what you think.

#batboy x reader #Tim drake x reader #Red Robin x reader #Tim drake smut #Red Robin smut #Tim drake angst #Red Robin angst

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stuckwith-harry · 3 years

Text

Hide-and-seek

A/N: Oh, to be a chicken in times like these. (CW for discussion of death, nothing graphic.)

In the chicken shed it might as well still be the eighties, as though time had only gone on for the humans living in the house on the other side of the fence, but not in here, where the hens are quietly clucking and cooing and enjoying their naps, until Ginny shakes a handful of lettuce in the air like an invitation, a beckoning – then they come hurrying towards her, beaks tearing greedily at the green leaves.

When the hens have had their fill, Ginny looks over the gaggle of bickering ladies and finds her favourite amongst them, Genoveva with her warm brown feathers and clever eyes, who yells and shrieks when Ginny lifts her up by her impossibly soft belly, crouching down in the chicken shed, and pulls the disgruntled hen to her chest.

“Look, I’ll make it up to you”, Ginny tells her quietly. She fishes sweetcorn out of the front pocket of her dungarees and holds her open palm out to Genoveva, not flinching or grimacing when the sharp beak leaves little red marks on her skin as the hen gulps down her treat.

Ginny smiles.

The summer after her first year, she climbed into the chicken shed every day. She was soothed, then, by the arrhythmic clucking and the smell of fresh hay and the fact that the hens allowed her to share their company, that they did not recoil in horror at her sight.

It was her that named them, while she sat here for hours and hours with a chicken in her lap, more often than not Genoveva, who, for all her complaining, was easily the most patient of the bunch, and who nestles into her lap now, blinking slowly in the twilight while Ginny strokes her feathers, the burning inside her ribcage dull and pulsating like that of an infected wound.

Like it was her that took the damn Killing Curse to the chest.

“You’ve no idea how lucky you are”, she mutters, meeting Genoveva’s sharp eyes. “Nothing in those little heads of yours except earthworms and soft hay.”

She sits there for ages and ages like she did that summer, willing the comfort of the soft animal to sink into her like warmth. When she finally gets up to leave the chickens be, she tosses the rest of the sweetcorn into the hay (Genoveva looks utterly betrayed), fills up the grains in the feeder, and climbs out of the shed with the smell of warm feathers and wheat straw still in her nose.

“Chicken-feeding duty?”, calls a voice from near the house as she swings her bare legs over the wooden fence and strolls back towards the Burrow. When she looks for the voice’s owner, she discovers Ron, sitting on the weathered bench below the kitchen window.

“What’re you doing out here?”, she calls out as she comes closer.

“Hiding”, he says dully. “Mum’s crying again.”

Ginny feels something inside her chest take a tumble. “Is anyone with her?”

“Yeah, I’m not that much of a dickhead. Dad and Percy and Bill are all in there.”

“You’re not a dickhead”, Ginny says automatically, surprising them both. Then: “Mind if I stay?”

He shrugs. “Be my guest.”

So she sinks on the bench beside him, joining him in his grim silence. They gaze aimlessly over the soft green hills all around, the shape of the lake like a blue thumbprint in the landscape, where they whiled away so many happier, warmer days than this, and Ottery St. Catchpole’s mismatched roofs in the distance, smoke rising from the chimneys.

Ron finally looks over at her. “Were you with the chickens this whole time? I thought you’d grown out of your obsession with them.”

Ginny musters up a grin. “Never. I love those stupid hens. That was just an elaborate ruse so I could hide in the chicken coop when we used to play hide-and-seek. It never occurred to any of you to look.”

“Well, you stopped growing at about five feet, I figure you fit right in.”

Ginny whacks him in the knee. In a true testament to the severity of the situation, Ron does not retaliate.

She tells herself it’s that, not how much they aged him, the few short months that he was gone.

It’s less blatant now that Mum has shorn back the unkempt mop of hair that was falling into his eyes and growing down the back of his neck like wild weeds when he walked through the secret entrance of the Room of Requirements with Harry and Hermione; now that he’s shaved the patchy stubble on his cheeks and his face has regained a little fullness. But sometimes she still looks at him and wonders how ten years have not passed since she watched him slip away into thin air at Bill and Fleur’s wedding.

“Did anything happen?”, she asks. “With Mum?”

Ron shrugs, expression blank. “Some fool said his name again. I never noticed how rarely we actually said the twins’ individual names until we had to break the habit of saying Fred-and-George all in one go. It’s like he’s Voldemort.”

Ginny doesn’t laugh.

“I know”, she mutters. “Don’t think it’ll ever come naturally.”

He nods mechanically. “Anyway – I made a run for it. I just couldn’t do it right then, having to comfort her and everything.”

Ginny looks over at him. “Funny, you’re so good at it.”

“You just say that because I make the best tea.”

“Well, you do.”

The same way that children can recognise each of their family members by the sound of their footsteps as heard through a wall, or the rhythmic pattern with which they knocked on the door, the Weasley siblings have learned to read each other’s silences since they’ve come home. Often now, they appear at each other’s bedroom doors at all hours of the night, shaken from nightmares or too restless to sleep or, rarely, weeping.

Most nights, two or three or four of them eventually find themselves in the kitchen, where Ginny turns on the lights, and Ron puts on the kettle, and they sit there and while away the small hours in each other’s company, in silence, in quiet understanding, in murmured chatter about nothing at all. It’s good comfort, the idea that even after everything, there’s nothing in this world that a hot cup of tea can’t fix.

Ginny shifts on the bench next to him, pulling her knees to her chest. “Remember when that fox got one of the hens? I was inconsolable, and you were so nice to me when we put her in a shoebox and buried her behind the house, you didn’t even make fun of me.”

“You lot are different, that’s easy. I just can’t take it when it’s our parents.”

Ginny hums in understanding. “I think seeing Dad cry was worse for me. At the memorial.”

“Cheers, thanks for bringing it up again.”

She snorts.

“You’re good with Harry”, she says softly. “D’you miss him at all?”

He rolls his eyes. “He just sleeps two floors below me, it’s not like he died.”

Ginny winces.

Ron does not miss the look on her face or the heaviness of her silence, as they have all learned to do, and asks in an unnaturally light tone: “How’re you coping with him waking up three times a night?”

He seems relieved, for a moment there, when she smirks.

“It’s not too bad, actually. At least he makes for a great pillow.”

Ron looks appalled. “What the hell happened to the camp bed?”

“Oh, we just keep that around for decoration now.” She grins, comforted by the opportunity to tease him. “And he doesn’t wake up as much anymore.”

His face lights up. “That’s good news, at least. Lead with that next time.”

“Oh, he’s just … stopped going to sleep altogether.”

“That really solves that problem”, he says darkly. “The idiot.”

“I don’t think it’s purposeful”, she says. “He’s always pretending to be asleep when I look at him, but I can always tell. And when he does doze off, I’ll just stir next to him, and that’s enough to wake him up again.”

“He’s a really light sleeper these days”, Ron says apologetically. “The worst camping trip in the world will do that to a person.”

Ginny grins faintly. “Yeah, he’s mentioned it.”

“He’s talking, then?”

“Hm-hm.” She wraps her arms a little tighter around her legs. “Which is good, I guess.”

He watches her for a minute, as though unsure what to make of her tone. “Anything on your mind?”

She laughs. “Anyone ever told you you’re turning into Mum?”

“Well, we’re here anyway!”, Ron says, ears flushing. “Spit it out, will you?”

“He, uhm –”

It has not occurred to her, until right now, how difficult it would be to pass the story on, even to someone who has heard it before. Harry handed it to her because she asked him to, and still it knocked into her like a wild animal, pouncing, the weight of it like a Hippogriff standing on her chest, pinning her to the earth.

“He told me about walking into the Forbidden Forest.”

“Ah”, Ron says hollowly. “No wonder you’re hiding in a chicken coop.”

She looks around at him. “It’s not Harry I’m hiding from.”

“But you are hiding”, Ron says wisely.

Ginny shrugs. “I dunno what I expected. Somehow I’d convinced myself I already knew the worst of it. Which, as it turns out, was a bit stupid of me.”

She draws in a shaky breath.

“I thought he was in on it. Ever since I watched him come back to life at Hagrid’s feet … I thought there was some sort of plan. But there wasn’t, or Dumbledore didn’t tell him, anyway. I thought he knew he was going to survive, and it turns out that, uhm – he didn’t know shit. He went there to die, for real.”

Ginny looks back at him, words coming faster now. “And I’m – I’m so angry, and I don’t know why. Or who I’m angry with. It can hardly be Harry.”

“In all fairness, I kind of felt like punching him when he told us”, Ron says quietly, and her mouth briefly twists into something like a smile. “If anything we should be angry with Voldemort, or Dumbledore, even – but they’re not within punching distance, so what are you gonna do?”

“If Dumbledore wasn’t already dead, I would kill him”, Ginny says. “I swear, I would kill him.”

“Yeah, that sounds reasonable”, Ron says good-naturedly, patting her arm.

“And Harry – Harry keeps apologising, and I don’t know what for.”

Ron’s expression is pained. “Isn’t it obvious?”

“No.”

He sighs. She handed this to him, and now he is steeling himself to hand something back to her. She can tell.

“My best guess is … for not saying goodbye.”

Ginny does not look at him. Suddenly she is blinking rapidly in the fading light, sitting there as the blow rolls over her, something blunt and violent that should have broken her ribs like the impact of a Bludger; but there is no injury, only an ache that does not abate, that sits all around her, inside her. She doesn’t think it’s ever going to go away, all that hurting, writhing and straining inside her like a second skeleton.

“How could he have? We would’ve dragged him back to the castle by the damn hair.”

“Of course we would have”, Ron says robustly.

For a moment he looks like he’s going to reach out to her, hold her, maybe. He seems to think better of it in the end, and she’s almost relieved, dreading what she’d do if someone hugged her.

It’s another thing that won’t ever come easily: showing up on someone’s doorstep, weeping.

“If it’s any consolation”, he says after a while, “I think that’s the worst of it.”

“I’ve been wondering”, she mutters. “Can’t think of very much that beats walking to your own death. No fucking wonder he doesn’t sleep.”

“It’s funny”, Ron says, “I talked to him less than an hour ago, and he seems alright, almost.”

Ginny shrugs. “Isn’t he always? Remarkably functional, considering.”

Ron makes an attempt at a smile. “It’s such a Harry thing to do, though, isn’t it? Always dying for other people. Or trying to, anyway.”

“Hardly just a Harry thing, it turns out.”

It’s all shit, she thinks when he looks at her. Being the person knocking at the door, and the one listening on the other side, opening it.

“He told me about Malfoy Manor”, she says softly.

“Ah.” Ron kicks at the dirt to his feet. “Well, then you know what keeps me up at night.”

“He said – he said you offered to swap places with Hermione. Let Bellatrix have you instead.”

“And? You would’ve done the exact same thing for him.”

Ginny almost smiles. He might as well still be the boy who stuck stubbornly by her side next to the chicken fence all night, when she couldn’t bear to head back to the house, in case the fox ever came back.

“Yeah. I would have.”

It settles on her shoulders as quickly and unnoticeably as night, rapidly falling all around them: everything she would’ve done, in a heartbeat, in an instant.

“I would’ve taken the forest, too”, she says, more to herself than to Ron. “I would’ve done it all for him.”

It seems significant, somehow, that Ron does not resist this. That maybe he knows what it felt like, to Ginny, when they walked out into the courtyard and saw Harry.

That, too, felt like a Bludger to the chest: the sight of him, a kid in Hagrid’s arms, his glasses askew. How she wished it was her lying there, dead in his place.

“Those two”, Ron says abruptly. “Some day they’re really gonna be the death of us.”

Ginny almost laughs.

“So you won’t strangle him for abandoning the camp bed?”

Ron eyes her for a moment, a sort of benevolent sternness in his expression – and Ginny was right, that’s all Mum. “Yeah, I’ll consider it.”

“I’m sorry, anyway”, she says, half-smiling. “For costing you your roommate.”

Ron sighs. “They grow up so fast.”

“And for all this, too. You were trying to hide, I didn’t mean to …”

“It’s all right. You had to find me eventually.”

#hp #hp fanfic #fanfiction #ron weasley #ginny weasley #jessie writes #at this point if there's typos in this .... exchange 'em for cookies at the till #also i like desperately need a tag for these two but it'll be meta as all hell #brotp: i'm a can on a string you're on the end #told ya.

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