One very difficult part of being in remission is the intense guilt. I'm looking back at those seven years where I wasn't even a shadow of myself. I was an absolute bitch. At times I was a nightmare, when I was at my worst. I wore a cloak, and I couldn't even see myself for what I was.
I treated people so poorly, and the one thing that causes my anxiety to resurface is that self-disgust. It feels like I am going to drown in it.
Gastroparesis culture is going into remission for a few years and thinking ur all good now but then you realize one day that your symptoms have been slowly coming back for months after your housemates confront you about how little you’re eating and you’re like well shit here we go again 😭
Seven years ago on this day I was waiting to be wheeled into surgery for doctors to remove a growth and send it to pathohistology. A month later I got the results and a diagnosis of stage three diffuse large B-cell Non-Hodgkin lymphoma. Soon after they started me on chemotherapy.
It was a long and difficult fight, but I managed to pull through. They say passing a five-year mark is a good sign; I am now two years beyond that point and I intend to continue moving forward, one year after another.
Matthew 26:27-28 (NKJV) -
Then He took the cup, and gave thanks, and gave it to them, saying, “Drink from it, all of you. For this is My blood of the new covenant, which is shed for many for the remission of sins.