#respectability is bullshit

[cryptidcodex]

Why I Refuse To Participate In Respectability

I will never work for someone who gets their panties in a wad over hearing me say the word fuck. I won't work for someone who's upright and prissy about “professionalism” no matter what my position is. Generally when I tell people this, especially to older people, they laugh and are just like “good luck with that”. As if they think I'm going to get some sort of reality check in the future. 

Really what it is, is I've already spent enough time working for those types of people to know that that is not how I want to spend the rest of my life. I have far more experience with high class aristocratic assholes than any of those middle class boomers laughing at me could ever imagine. And frankly, it's not worth my time and energy. 

When I was 15, I was nominated for a scholarship program for a fairly well known not for profit. This meant I was their poster child for the next four ish years. My picture is probably still hanging in the hallway to this day, unless some new exploited teens has replaced it in recent years. I will try not to give away too many details of who I was doing this work for because I don't feel like stirring up a controversy and getting a cease and desist. 

While in the program, I was monitored constantly and trained on respectability. Always dress well, always speak well. Always be the one to initiate conversation. Make eye contact, smile. Don’t curse, don’t talk about morbid or risque topics. Even when just out running errands, you never knew who would recognize you in public. Always be on your best behavior. Always behave in a way that was respectable to others so you didn’t lose everything. When I entered the program they had me sign a contract dictating what I could and could not do while being the face of their charity, and it was extensive.

I also grew up in a small town, which meant that being in newspapers and having my picture plastered everywhere got me recognized far more often than I was comfortable with. I was never allowed to just exist as a teenager and do stupid teenager things, or I could risk losing my scholarship. Hell, when my parents found out I was sleeping with one of my boyfriends they tried to use it to sabotage said scholarship and get me in trouble. Fortunately, the staff member they told was already aware of my delinquent background and was on my side and kept it to himself.

The first big hurdle in this program was attending and speaking at all of their large charity events. My first speech was in front of 1,200 people. Then I spent the next four hours straight on my feet, in heels and a suit, rubbing elbows with all the board members and rich people. I met the governor and our state senator. I met the CEO of the local bank. I met many military members and heads of companies, so many names and faces my head was spinning.  

For the next phase, we went bigger. I flew to Dallas Texas. While there, I met more politicians, more rich people. I was taught how to eat with fancy silverware sets, and I was expected to hold conversations with all these people and get them to like me. Then I gave my speech in a large ballroom full of 20,000 people.

As a “reward”, a few months later I was flown to Atlanta for a leadership conference. Got to meet representatives from disney and several other important people that I frankly just don’t remember anymore. We were given fun activities to do to “have fun and relax” but me and the other teens from the other branches were all still being closely monitored and still on our best behaviour. It was honestly exhausting.

There’s honestly a lot here I’m probably glossing over because this was almost six years ago now. One of my biggest takeaways while in the program though:

It was all superficial. It honestly infuriated me how many other kids needed that program just as much, if not more than me. They at least needed the scholarship money. But most teens, and especially neglected and impoverished teens, can’t sit there and be a dancing monkey for a bunch of rich assholes while also struggling to survive. A lot of those kids had behavioral problems that would take years of therapy to fix, and it wasn’t their fault. They deserved all the same opportunities I got, but they couldn’t “behave themselves”.

Not to mention I was 100% being exploited, and the constant paranoia of being recognized and judged wherever I went was the biggest factor in why, as soon as I was out of the program, I didn’t leave my house for the next two years. I had behavioral problems too, and I wasn’t allowed to even be traumatized, let alone appropriately express it and heal from it, if it wasn’t a tearful speech for the camera. If it didn’t match their definition of “appropriate healing”, it would get me in trouble. 

As soon as I disappeared from the spotlight, no one checked on me. No one supported me. No one asked how I was doing or offered to help with gas money or food. Not my mentors, not my so-called friends. So my next take away was that the connections formed through this respectability bullshit are inconsequential and replaceable. The only time I’ve heard from any of those people since is if they needed something from me. Business opportunity, needed me to write a piece for their publication, etc. My whole speech and the essays I wrote were about the ongoing abuse and poverty I was experiencing, but it only mattered when it made them money.

Ultimately this is why I don’t trust charities and not for profits, and this is why I don’t believe in respectability. The best connections I’ve made both inside business and out have been ones where I can cuss in front of the person or make a morbid joke, and they at least shrug it off if not laugh. We’re not monkeys in a circus, and I’m not performing for anyone thank you. 

My resume is shining and sparkly thanks to this experience, so I can afford to be picky. That and I know my rights as a worker and how to haggle. So I guess I’ll give the charity that much.

[kurgy]

what do you mean a random guy hired by elon musk with no credentials told democrats they werent allowed to enter a government building they have legal access to and they just kicked their feet in the sand about it and said drat foiled again

i mean this 100% when i say this but we should kill these people and start over because "call your representatives" doesnt work when these useless cowards are my representatives. like what do you fucking mean you just complied with the orders of some random dick with absolutely no authority or power over you hired by an unelected bureaucrate to not enter a government building to do the one job we gave you to do. break down the damn door or quit your fucking job. goddamn

[thenationofzaun]

If at all Sevika has to die, the ONLY death I will accept is if she shields and gives her life for Jinx because she believes Jinx has what it takes to free Zaun from Piltover, like she once did for Silco. I want her death to be on HER terms, something she chose while protecting her king/queen. Like the true Right Hand of Zaun that she is. Of course, I would prefer no death at all but I'm not feeling good about Sevika's chances of surviving the whole season.

[autosadist]

i don't talk too much about how trans women get treated in original posts because im not a trans woman and plenty of trans women on this site are sharing insights that i can just reblog but also sometimes i see other trans dudes talk about trans women in ways that make me want to step in 1 on 1 like "hey man, do you remember what it feels like to be a girl getting treated like a piece of meat by some guy you don't know then dismissed for standing up for yourself. because you're that guy now"

[theminecraftbee]

for no reason in particular, i am once again saying that even if the work you're doing is with a content creator you love and on a project you're all passionate about and you trust everyone involved and they would never, say, ghost everyone involved for months leaving you in legal limbo in regards to the ip you've spent the past three years of your life on while everyone is clamoring for a statement or any guidance at all from you...

you should write a fucking contract.

and if someone tells you "we don't need contracts it'll be better that way", run the other direction.

you know. for no reason in particular.

[katebeckets]

how to say "I love you" in x-files [81/?] ⤷ 7.16 — “Chimera”

[lovertm]

stickers by mollyinprogress

[shiiro-arts]

Friendly reminder that Lucy wearing revealing clothing is actually a very important part of her character

It symbolizes her freedom, from her father, from her old life, it's not simply fan-service

You're not disrespecting her by drawing her in that kind of clothes

You can love and respect a character and want them serving cunt too

[slutforpringles]

I don't know it depends how much damage changing teams actually did to him [Daniel] as a driver. Because it's really easy and this isn't to say that you did this in your question, but Marko for example, has talked about this. Marko said recently that he thinks that Ricciardo lost it after he left Red Bull. But that just completely revises history. Because he was fantastic at Renault, especially that second year at Renault and he was all right in the first year at McLaren, but he was second best to Norris and obviously he won at Monza that year. So it's not like he left Red Bull and just nosedived as a driver and was suddenly absolutely rubbish. I actually think the bigger what if might be what if he never left Renault for McLaren, because that completely derailed him and obviously it's clear now that his career never recovered, but that second year at Renault in 2020. I think there are three seasons in which Ricciardo was arguably the best driver in F1, or probably one of the three best drivers on the grid, and it was 2014 and 2016 at Red Bull and 2020 at Renault.

Scott Mitchell Malm on Daniel Ricciardo's career and the blantatly untrue revisionism of Helmut Marko's recent comments about it

via: The Ringer F1 Podcast

[shippersonfire]

anyway, the continued insistence that snow saw lucy gray as an object rather than a person is a way of minimizing her importance to the narrative, send tweet.

[manga-and-stuff]

Source: Fullmetal Alchemist Hagane no Renkinjutsushi 鋼の錬金術師

by Hiromu Arakawa

[a-host-of-dancing-daffodils]

Just finished rewatching 1.2 Murder in the Mews because I longed to see The Golf Scene^TM once more

Gotta Love a man who will lean in close to his best friend as he tries to point out the location of the hole & Lads LISTEN the Height Difference of it all??

And. LISTEN. You CANNOT CONVINCE ME That THIS MAN

WHO BASICALLY NOTICES LITERALLY EVERYTHING.

WAS NOT STALLING FOR TIME. PRETENDING. NOT TO BE ABLE TO SEE THAT BRIGHT RED LITTLE FLAG DOWN THERE

Because it meant!!! he got to spend an extra few seconds or two with his beloved Hastings talking softly in his ear!!

AND THEN!!! THE FIRST THING HASTINGS DOES AFTER THIS!! !IS LOOK AROUND LIKE HE'S WORRIED PEOPLE ARE WATCHING THEM!! & I mean. he's not wrong. there are other people waiting to golf

WORRIED YOU'D BE CAUGHT WITH YOUR HAND IN THE BISCUIT TIN THERE, WERE YOU, HASTINGS???

IT'S OKAY. DON'T MIND ME. THEY JUST MAKE ME INSANE. I'M SO NORMAL.

[s-p-r-i-n-g-t-i-m-e]

mayhaps this is a hot take but I truly dislike “Loid gets murderous and overprotective of Anya dating Damian” content

like. there are sm reasons I dislike it

first off, just fundamentally, I hate that trope. I think parents being protective of children in general is cute, and even maybe protective against their partners to an extent, but it rlly feeds into the Western (esp American) notion of parents owning their children. it gets even grosser when it’s the dad and his daughter, it’s just a branch of ‘women and their purity having to be guarded until they’re properly married’ sexism

secondly, if this is pre-reveal (either Damian comes over/talks to Anya in front of Loid and it’s p obvious he has a crush, so Loid, of course, course notices, OR somehow, post-canon yet not revealed, they get together), Loid would absolutely use that to advance Operation Strix lol

obviously Loid is NOT a bad or uncaring father, he is absolutely not that, BUT he does also very vehemently care about achieving world peace thru his spy work, AND ANYA UNDERSTANDS AND EVEN AGREES WITH THIS (to the highest extent she can as a child, at least). he would never partake in extensive manipulation that’d harm Anya emotionally (or even Damian tbh, his whole goal is to create a world where no children have to cry) but he would DEFINITELY encourage their relationship in order to eventually, somehow get to Desmond the ghoul-eyed freak

thirdly, even if this is POST-reveal, I still don’t think Loid would be unreasonable. sure, he may apprehensive due to Damian’s family and more concrete examples of Anya growing up (MAYBE bc honestly I think Loid would be ecstatic with every milestone in Anya’s life considering how genuinely supportive and proud of her that he is) BUT. but

he, again, not only wants to create a world where no children have to cry, so he clearly values the youth and their quality of life, but ALSO KNOWS abt how shitty Damian’s father is. personally, I think he’d be GLAD that Damian has a safe place to come to, with ppl who’ll support him (unconsciously, bc Loid is very oblivious to his own emotions lmao)

anyways, tldr; the “Loid being super hostile to Damian dating Anya” trope is tired and sucks and we should move onto appreciating a trope that honours the CORE of sxf, more found family, where Damian joins the Forgers, even before he and Anya potentially marry (even before they date if possible tbh)

[baejax-the-great]

Fanfic isn't a possession.

When an author deletes a work on AO3, they haven't taken anything from the readers. It's not a physical object that can be snatched away, and if readers wanted a digital copy to keep, AO3 made that possible. It is the reader's choice whether or not to keep a copy. The author has absolutely no say over whether or not they do this.

If you have a favorite exhibit at the museum, and that exhibit closes for whatever reason, nobody "stole" art from you. Same thing with whatever play is currently at your local theater--it's temporary, and when it closes, the actors didn't take away your entertainment. Before streaming and box sets of tv shows being sold at Target, all of television was ephemeral, too. You caught it or you didn't.

I don't know why there is an expectation that fanfic should be permanently made available to readers. The archive certainly gives a place where that can happen, but there is no reason to assume that it always will happen, nor that readers are entitled to that.

There are many reasons to delete a fanfic--not orphan, not post anonymously, but delete. It's fine to be disappointed if that happens. It's not fine to harass authors or try to wrest control of the work from them or create archives full of stolen work.

[joyful-patatas]

I've been reading a lot of oi and regression manhwas where the fl ends up in the body of someone and starts treating the child like their own. Some of my favorites and hugely recommend are: The Villainess Flips The Script, The Wicked Tale of Cinderella's Stepmom, and My In-Laws Are Obsessed With Me.

I'm also OBSESSED with Twisted Wonderlad and was thinking of doing one for Riddle's mom where an oc gets isekaied into her body and ends up maybe a couple months before the main story of Riddle's second year with the relationship really tense. Isekaied OC was a therapist that specialized in working with traumatized teens and can see signs of a dysfunctional home based on the reaction of Riddle's father and how curt and proper Riddle is on the phone. While learning more about Riddle by pretending to have amnesia, she realizes that he really focuses so much on rules to a concerning degree and sort of tries to gently broach the idea of relaxing on rules and strictness, but that quickly backfires with Riddle thinking this is some kind of trick to get him to slip and he ends up even more guarded around his "mother". Or maybe MC comes the exact same time as Yuu does and only really meets Riddle during the winter break.

I was also thinking about making the OC someone who desperately wanted children but couldn't. Whether from infertility, awful circumstantial factors like finances and career, or all of the above. Looking like the woman who abused Riddle is dreadful but also feels manipulative to pretend to be his real mother.

I was also thinking of maybe the OC being Yuu's foster parent and they both get isekaied to Twisted Wonderland but in different ways.

Maybe I'll also take inspiration with "This Maid is Forming a Union" on webtoon (It’s soo good I promise you!! Both the worldbuilding and the characters and the callout of terrible story delivery of manhwas that completely altered the way I read the genre!!).

I am also taking inspiration on @anakin-walker's series, "My Dearest Mother" where it's the same isekai concept, but they're there when the OB!Boys are little children. Definitely go check it out!

I'll try developing the idea a bit more and post the chapters once I have something coherent lol

[lgbtlunaverse]

One thing that's fucking hilarious about the modao-guidao distinction is how cql just fucking wrecks it. Because it was apparently sooooo scary and immoral for wwx to raise his friend from the dead they had to assure us that Wen Ning was simply grievously injured and never fully died so no that guy walking around deathly pale with black marks on his neck isn't a corpse, thank you very much. But because Zixuan's gotta die Wen Ning can still be controlled via evil music which means Wei Wuxian has now turned a living human being into a puppet. The literal definition of modao.

I mean they also made him not the inventor of it, so I guess the title grandmaster of demonic cultivation is still inaccurate just like it was for the books, just in a different way lmao.