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thesinglesjukebox · 6 months

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THE BEATLES - "NOW AND THEN"

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The gang's all back together! And it feels so... uh, well...

[3.53]

Tara Hillegeist: As a way to squeeze blood and money from a legacy that doesn't need the teary-eyed hagiography half as much as it needs a rest, this is nothing short of ghoulish. As a chance for the surviving members of history's most-mythologized pop band to have one last chance to reckon with their memories of absent friends, and the sometimes-miraculous sometimes-acrimonious friendship that was responsible for a magical time in their lives not even death will see them outpace, however... would that we all could be so fondly remembered, despite giving it our worst. How do I score something at once this obscenely unnecessary and heart-wrenchingly earnest to two decimal places? Should I hope anyone is going to do the same, fifty years from now, for One Direction? [5]

Taylor Alatorre: "The Last Beatles Song" carries about the same ring as "The McRib Farewell Tour," especially after McCartney's hasty clarification that the use of AI software for routine audio clean-up did not imply any procedurally generated singing. Still, I can't fault Peter Jackson for his basic recognition that, 54 years after "The End," Beatlemania has not yet bitten the dust. Given its origins, it was always going to be a challenge for "Now and Then" to avoid sounding like a song from nowhere, and it even takes a little while to avoid sounding like a tribute to Badfinger. But the decision to lean on the string section in the latter half, and the unabashed grandiosity of those sun-drenched vocal harmonies, help the song transcend its homework-like inception, turning its strange out-of-body nature into a selling point -- perhaps the selling point. Better to frankly acknowledge the role of earnest multigenerational fandom in the track's existence than to try and meticulously recreate the precise Revolver studio set-up. [7]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: One of those songs that makes you want to quote Baudrillard and Adorno and Steyerl and meditate on the nature of aesthetic production under contemporary techno-capital. But frankly, I'm lazy and this song is a complete non-entity if you try and extricate it from the circumstances of its creation. Let me know when they find another lost demo and we get The_final_Beatles_song_[FINAL]_[REALLY FINAL].mp3 [4]

Edward Okulicz: Not much of a song, but has the benefit of quite a lovely, wistful arrangement. But that's it -- it's just not much of a song. I hope people aren't going to blame Giles Martin for it being rubbish the same way they blamed Jeff Lynne for "Free as a Bird" being terrible, because he's done a good job with not a lot of material to work with. I hope this makes the estates of John Lennon and George Harrison very happy. [3]

David Moore: I know it's cringe to be so into the Beatles, to think about them all the time and know all their songs well enough that with some accuracy I'd be able to predict the next song in an alphabetical countdown, to read enormous biographies of them, to have strong opinions about the Glyn Johns mix of Let It Be. And I know this song is barely even a song -- that they scraped some fledgling John Lennon melody out of the bottom of a fish tank and let the wannabe Martin (the young one) and wannabe McCartney (the old one) and the one and only Ringo (immortal, eternal, peace and love) gussy it up with a half-convincing pile of pastiche instead of just letting the thing be (see what I did there; did I mention I have strong opinions about the Glyn Johns mix?). I know that there's something a little rank about it, like an air freshener in a morgue, even before Peter Jackson reminded everyone that his first film was called Bad Taste. And I know it doesn't speak very highly of me to admit that even given all that, and potentially worse things to boot, there's probably no way this could have gotten below a [5] from me no matter what final form it took. But it's the truth. [6]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: This sad, misshapen ballad points to the Beatles' greatest fault: their lyrics could rarely keep apace with their musical curiosity. That's especially clear on the group's simpler, late-career songs, like this pathetic AI-assisted final single. Its aimless meandering finds an emotional core in the harmonized "you" that ends the first verse, but everything else fails to live up to that evocation, devolving into hackneyed sentiment. Released alongside "Love Me Do" to mark this as their final bow, "Now and Then" is a reminder that even when the Beatles started out, the simple lyrics held purpose: "Love Me Do" had relatively dry production compared to their contemporaries' work, and its raw sentiment was palpable, splitting the difference between schoolyard chant and workman-like charm. Comparatively, this track doesn't own up to its straight-ahead lyricism and uses a grandiose arrangement to convince you of its depth. Consider how Lennon admitted that "Something" was the best song on Abbey Road -- neither he nor McCartney could match the poetic grace that Harrison attained. We can now conclude that this was true until the very end. [2]

Alfred Soto: George Harrison, as Jorge Luis Borges said about Oscar Wilde, was almost always right. [3]

Aaron Bergstrom: I was in middle school in 1995 when The Beatles Anthology documentary premiered, and I hadn't planned on caring about it. I was an all-consuming sports nerd and music just wasn't something that registered with me. I knew the Beatles were a band. I probably could have given you "1960s" and "England," but that's about it. (Now, could I have recited the 1991 Minnesota Twins roster from memory? Absolutely.) Still, I lived in a small town before the internet and there wasn't much else going on. Anthology became the type of manufactured cultural event that I couldn't avoid. So while "Free As A Bird" wasn't the first Beatles song I ever heard, it was the first time I had the conscious thought, "Oh, so this is what the Beatles sound like." And... something happened. I can't really explain it. Like a fish discovering water, it suddenly clicked that the Beatles were everywhere. They were "I Want To Hold Your Hand" but they were also "Yellow Submarine" but they were also "Let It Be." I fell in love with the music, but it was more than that. I needed to understand why I loved it. It flipped a switch somewhere inside me that has stayed on ever since. I had to know everything. Who were they? Where did they come from? Why did they sound like this? Who else sounded like this? It's a straight line from that moment to me writing these words today. And I know most hardcore Beatles fans don't care for "Free As A Bird." Or "Real Love." I know that they're fake, and weird, and a cheap ploy to sell studio outtakes that otherwise weren't all that interesting, and I get it, but to me they'll always sound like the moment right before the world cracked open. I don't get to have that experience with "Now and Then." You only get to be a blank slate once. "Now and Then" is fine. It drags a bit. It's a rickety frame trying to support a lot of weight. It's even faker and weirder than the first two "new" Beatles songs. It probably didn't need to exist. Would it make my personal top hundred Beatles songs? I doubt it. But I'm glad it exists, if only on the off chance that it winds up as the bizarre first chapter in some other kid's origin story. [6]

Katherine St Asaph: Pretty! [6]

Nortey Dowuona: Shit is trash. Earth Wind Fire better. [0]

Ian Mathers: If you ever doubt my commitment to TSJ, remember that I could have gotten through the rest of the year without ever hearing this song had it not appeared in the blurber. And I definitely wouldn't have seen its absolute godless abomination of a video. The song itself is mid, mostly just existentially inessential, but we need to take an absolutely harsh line against condoning shit like that video. To be very clear, I don't mean the technology itself, which I imagine could be used in all sorts of worthwhile creative and/or horrifying ways. I mean the specific cultural, aesthetic, emotional context of this video. I could be the world's biggest Beatles fan or hater (I'm neither!) and I would still feel the same way and give this the same mark. [0]

Tim de Reuse: Given what the meaning of the term has warped into in the last year, the only reason to describe the use of source-separation methods as "Artificial Intelligence" to the general public is if you want people to think that a room full of sweaty engineers created a Lennon effigy out of linear algebra and poked it until it sang. The idea of finishing the work of somebody long-dead, making a collage of the debris that fell off of them when they were still breathing -- well, that's centuries old. Were they scared that the phrase "New Beatles Song" wouldn't cut it? Need to zhuzh it up a little? The idea that the Beatles, of all groups, would need a little sprinkle of our flaccid un-future to remain relevant is deeply funny to me -- doubly so, after noting how unremarkable the tune itself is, and how that pleasant unremarkability is exactly what people appear to be responding to. In the present moment we'd all kill for a pleasantly unremarkable week. Why on earth would you want to remind people that they're living in 2023? [6]

Will Adams: "Hello, my name is Princess Jane. I would like to show you some tricks. I hope you enjoy it." [0]

Michael Hong: Garbage in, garbage out. [2]

Andrew Karpan: Among the great, indelible images of the early 21st century ought to be the sputtering, GIF-like loop of John Lennon joyfully playing with his tie, significance perhaps unknown until commissioned for use to illustrate a song he never knew he was writing and was only foggily aware of singing. Whether a revelation as advertised, or a creepy "echoey mausoleum" as warned is besides the point, since it isn't quite a song so much as a curious facsimile of one. Feels perverse to listen to it with anything besides curious awe. [3]

Hannah Jocelyn: Damn "Now and Then," you've got the whole audiophile squad laughing. You have cutting edge AI technology, but not a dynamic EQ to take the resonances on John Lennon's voice? You have the last song from a legendary classic rock group, then seemingly slam an OTT instance on the mix bus to make it "modern?" The mastering engineer Miles Showell even said that he worked with the less limited mix, calling back to the last big audiophile controversy. And yet, Ringo's drums come in and I'm suddenly mini-Hannah, equally mesmerized by "Strawberry Fields Forever" and "Yellow Submarine" because I had no conception of 'good' and 'bad' yet. There IS a lot to love, if you're able to pick it out without turning on Dolby Atmos; Lennon's melody is unassumingly beautiful, and I even like Paul trying to be George with the slide guitar solo. The string arrangement is very Phil Spector-overworking-Let-It-Be, and Lennon would probably hate it, but I find it lovely. At any rate, it's better than "Postcards from Paradise." [6]

Frank Falisi: Rough season to be a late-era McCartney truther. Why do you begin to think of your aesthetic project as dying in public? Politicians don't have the gumption to consider their mortality, so we're just left with the rot sloughing down the tubes of democracy, same as it ever was. What about pop stars? What about one of the pre-eminent experimental melodists in modern pop music? Living in the sundown shadow reach of every friend and lover and enemy, gone and departed before you. And to wake up, fingers cracked with England winter cold, capable of moving a bass string, just slower. To be on the worst end of the commodity inquest: they can keep bleeding your memory bank dry for dividends. A photo book, a lyric book, another lyric book, a legacy tour. Just one more memory in the bank. When does being garish back feel like all you can do? When does it not matter if you're composing out of love, if you're trying to write a new song, if you're trying to square your slowing mornings and long long nights -- every gesture gets legacy gnarl, an emotional formaldehyde that inverse's pop's gummy possibility. Lennon became a dorm-room poster ka-ching! before the dirt went cold. How else was it ever going to end? Why would an extractive system that can commodify even a novel melody, a heated-up lust change in how it treats its old stories? No Dylan Thomas rage, no Cohen hallelujah here, just the sneer of another old compatriot walking the long hallway blind to the end: "Because something is happening here but you don't know what it is, do you, Mr. Jones?" [0]

Jonathan Bradley: A ghost of John Lennon summoned via digital séance, it hovers insubstantially in gloopy piano ectoplasm, bereft of melody, direction, purpose. [3]

Brad Shoup: As a band that famously lived and created in the moment, the Beatles rarely had the sense of an ending. They were as fond of bits as statements, so they chased their two most renowned album closers with, respectively, pureed studio nonsense and a joke ditty about QEII. Though I'd take "Her Majesty" over "Get Back" any day, Let It Be (released after but mostly recorded before Abbey Road) became the final word on studio Beatles. The Anthology project offered a couple dreamy, slight psych-pop tunes that -- because they were based on compositions from a dead Beatle at his most placid -- couldn't be anything other than valedictory. In the years since we've had reductive Beatles and recombinant Beatles, and now, finally, maybe, retiring Beatles. "Now and Then" is as joyless as I've ever heard them. Not tired or dutiful, but lost: there's no trace of the bantering lads re-introduced in the Peter Jackson documentary. At their best, the Fabs felt like they were playing for each other as much as the world. Down two Beatles now, and again working off a John composition, they can only sound like they're playing to each other. The mix is as blue-gray as the cover art: little vocal homages to their past are buried in the churn. The string arrangement is ghastly. Paul's slide-guitar tribute to George -- in itself pretty funny, considering Paul's famous scene commandeering George's playing in the Let It Be film -- ends up in "Scar Tissue" territory. But even though I don't like this song, John's melody has stuck with me for a month now. By all accounts, it sounds like it's stuck with Paul (who knows from indelible melodies) for decades. There's something in its hesitancy, its uncertainty, in the way that it carries all this naked need to the door without knowing what's on the other side. My mom died -- suddenly, unexpectedly -- in January, so I've spent a lot of fucking time trying to get the sense of an ending. I've hung out with my father more this year than the last five put together, which means I've been talking about the Beatles more than usual. He doesn't care for "Now and Then": it's too sodden for him, too maudlin. I think he would feel that way regardless. But I understand Paul and Ringo's desire to summon their beloved John, to sing him back here and home again. And I understand why, when I play this, I mostly hear pain. [5]

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intcritus · 2 months

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kissing your lover lazily first thing in the morning. // Vaclav @ SuJin

though he doesn't have to open the dojo for another hour, su-jin is somewhat awake, watching the slow drip of coffee into the pot, brows furrowed. the taste of mint from toothpaste has faded, the weight of his hair resting against his back and the sound of his ring hitting the counter filling the quiet kitchen. quiet mornings were strange to him. as with most of his family, he's used to the rambunctious sound of a bustling household. he misses it sometimes, but if he was being honest, he liked waking up with the scent of václav on his skin, to knowing his beloved was near. there's nothing to compare it too, even a good cup of coffee could compare to having someone of his own.

pulling down two mugs, he pours the brew into both, adding cream and sugar to his own and taking a long, leisurely sip as he listened to the sound of his husband rustling around in his morning routine. su-jin has come to cherish the silence, the comfortability with waking up to soft snoring and the heartbeat beneath his cheek. to having someone so snug in his arms, tangled in him. a crooked smile curls across his features at the thought, feeling the warmth spread in his chest that had nothing to do with the coffee.

head tilts, slanting a glance toward his husband, sliding the other mug toward him. they stand, enjoying sips of their coffee in silence, neither really awake but aware of one another. once they're somewhat awake, he rinses their cups out before leaning against the counter, tugging václav close, brushing his hair off his forehead then tenderly kissing his lips. ❝ ━ morning...❞ the word rumbles in his chest, calloused hands cupping his husband's face, drawing him for another kiss.

these parts of the morning, when he has the lynx all to himself, without the outside world butting in, is when su-jin finds himself at peace. when he can bask of the weight of václav against him, the taste of coffee and mint an odd but interesting taste as they kissed. slow and languid, just exploring and indulging in one another -- no rush, just a lazy morning where the world could wait just a little while longer.

#nvrcmplt #🕊️. ◦ ✧ ✩ ( fighting spirit ic. )#vÁclav. ╱ » we will be monsters in this world with only each other.#mmmm the way clav grounds him is so fascinating to me #👑ˑ » ( answered. ) ᶜʰᵒᵒˢᶤᶰᵍ ᵇᵉᵗʷᵉᵉᶰ ᵈᵉˢᵗʳᵘᶜᵗᶤᵒᶰ ᵃᶰᵈ ᵖᵉᵃᶜᵉˑ

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the-void-i-scream-into · 3 years

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White Tulips - a JunJin fanfic 1/3

Full Story: Part 2, Part 3

Hello everyone! I hope everyone who is reading this is healthy and safe. This is a fanfic about my favorite characters, Kang Sujin and Han Seojun. I really love these two together so I wrote what I had hoped to see in True Beauty. This is my first time writing fanfiction so its not that good. But I hope you still enjoy it. I didn’t change anything from True Beauty, rather continued the events from the ending with a focus on giving Sujin the redemption arc she so rightly deserved.

I really have to thank everyone on the shooters gc, especially @prodmina, for being so amazing and awesome. Never before have I come accross such amazing, wonderful, open and friendly group of people. I’m not that active on the chat, but I am so grateful it exists. Thank you to everyone on there. This is dedicated to you all.

Pairing: Kang Sujin x Han Seojun

Romantic Trope: Haters to friends to lovers

Word Count: 5.9k

Rating: T

PART 1

If you asked Han Seojun why he loved Lim Jukyung, he wouldn’t be able to answer. His feelings for her overwhelmed him to the point of inarticulation. His heart still skipped a beat every time he saw her at dinner with their group. He still found himself staring at her from time to time, unable to look away from her beauty. He even wrote songs about her, his only form of expressing his love for her.

He still thought of her in every free minute he had between practice, performance and recording sessions. When he couldn’t see her, he would watch her make-up tutorials online. He was proud of how far she had come with her career as a make-up artist. Her popularity was a source of delight for him. It was only appropriate that everyone see how amazing she was.

The only problem was, Lim Jukyung didn’t belong to him. She belonged to Lee Suho, his best friend.

Seojun was happy for the two of them. They were the best people he knew and even he had to acknowledge that they belonged together. Which was why, having these feelings were burdensome for Seojun.

It was burdensome, seeing them all lovey-dovey with each other and talking about their lives together. Normally Seojun would have faked a smile, but when they were all together in a group he scowled without reserve. He got away with it because right beside Suho and Jukyung, sat Taehoon and Suah who were the kind of cheesy couple that made anyone barf.

In fact, just the thought of Suah and Taehoon fawning over each other made him cringe. Even now as he walked into the special private room they frequented for their gatherings—private due to Seojun’s and Jukyung’s popularity—Seojun was pushing back his gag reflex at the squealing he could hear outside.

He scolded them as he entered the room. “Guys! I can hear you all the way from the front entrance. Why are you always so—” He stopped in his tracks. There, between a giggling Jukyung and beaming Suah sat the worst person Seojun had ever known.

Her.

He had heard peripherally about how she had changed now, having reformed as a charity worker. She had apparently apologized to Jukyung about the shitty things she had done before. As if an apology could change anything.

Han Seojun knew Jukyung had forgiven Kang Sujin. That woman had even attended Heekyung’s wedding. But Seojun didn’t understand why she had to invade their special gatherings.

The room had fallen silent. Everyone awkwardly stared at Seojun, then Sujin.

“It’s been a while, Han Seojun.” She said with a polite smile. Her voice deeper than most girls’. He always hated her voice and its lack of femininity.

Ya Han Seojun, are you a gangster?!

Seojun pushed the memory away.

“Ah-aah! Han Seojun. You must be surprised.” Jukyung said with forced cheerfulness. “I invited Sujin to join us today.

Seojun merely flicked a cynical brow at Jukyung and took his usual seat besides Suho. Suah and Jukyung nervously returned to their conversation.

The uncomfortable air in the room subsided after a while and everyone chatted cheerfully with each other. Everyone except Han Seojun.

“I saw your performance on TV. You looked good.” Suho told Seojun.

“Why the hell have you invited Kang Soojin?” Seojun asked Suho in a hushed tone.

“She’s a friend, of course she’s invited.”

“Why are you friends with her again?”

“Seojun, its fine.”

Seojun opened his mouth to protest but before he could, Sujin interrupted him.

“Ya, Han Seojun. I saw your performance on TV. I didn’t know you could sing so well.” She said, not sounding too impressed. “You were great.”

It was a peace offering. A way to start off on the right foot.

Seojun gave a sarcastic smile and tilted his head. “You should have known I was that good. I performed in school, didn’t I?”

“Oh right. I guess I didn’t really pay attention before.”

“You were too busy giving all of your attention to Lee Suho. I don’t expect you to have noticed anybody else.”

This time, the silence in the room was palpable. Taehoon audibly gulped. The only person unfazed was Sujin.

“Yeah. I was obsessed with Suho.” She said simply. “But now that I look back,” she made a frame with her forefingers and thumbs, “I think what the hell does Jukyung see in you?”

“Ya!” Suho protested so seriously that Jukyung giggled, breaking the tension.

“Honestly Jukyung. You’d be better off with me as your boyfriend.” Suah and Taehoon joined the laughter.

“Ya Kang Sujin, you stay away from my girlfriend.” Suho protested, pouting.

“You’re too serious, Lee Suho. Jukyung needs someone more fun.”

“At least I don’t go around kicking people in the face.”

“You wouldn’t be able to do it, even if you tried.”

“I know jujitsu, you know.”

“Okay, okay!” Jukyung said. And that was it, the friends were back to normal.

Seojun kept out of the conversations, eating and drinking on his own. No one dared to bother him lest he say something else to ruin the mood.

Han Seojun didn’t care to maintain a good mood. He had no tolerance for people like Kang Sujin; people who were bullies. And especially not when said bully had hurt someone he cared about very deeply. He didn’t buy this act that Sujin was pulling. He knew, that people never changed.

The conversation turned to Sujin and her charity work overseas. She talked animatedly about the children she and her non-profit group worked for. It made Seojun’s blood boil, how she was using a noble cause as a front for her true cold-hearted personality. That angel bullshit may work on others, but it would not work on Seojun.

He kept a close eye on her the entire time, almost glaring to the point where Suho had to poke him with his elbow to get him to look away. But Suho was blind, he should have seen how Sujin’s face gave the barest of glances of pain when he and Jukyung kissed each other and pulled each other’s cheeks and talked about living together.

“Oh, you guys share an apartment?” No one else noticed the high-pitchiness of Sujin’s voice when she asked this. No one, expect Seojun.

And then there was the stolen glances at Suho. That was the final nail in the coffin. Seojun was convinced that Sujin was pretending to be over Suho. She was still in love with him. And that was a problem.

“What’s wrong with you?” Suho confronted Seojun outside, when it was just the two of them waiting for the others to leave.

“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you? Don’t you know the kind of person Kang Sujin is? How can you let her in again?”

“Calm down, Seojun-ah. That was all years ago.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that she hurt Jukyung.”

“She’s not a bad person. I know her better than you. She made a mistake.”

“She knew what she was doing.”

“Haven’t you ever made a mistake before? Or are you telling me that blaming me for Seyeon’s death was the right thing to do?”

Seojun was quiet.

“Seojun-ah, don’t take this the wrong way. You have a tendency to judge too quickly, and misunderstand. If you really hate her that much then talk to her and ask her about her reasons. Don’t just go on assuming something is the way it is because you think so.”

Seojun grit his teeth.

“Shall we go?” Jukyung came up from behind, taking Suho’s arm. The rest of the group was behind her.

“Yeah. Bye everyone. See you next time.” The couple waved as others waved back. “Seojun, I hope you’ll think about what I said.”

Seojun just nodded and waved too. He watched Jukyung and Suho disappear into the crowd on the street.

The rest of them said their goodbyes and went their way, Seojun leaving after giving Sujin a distrusting side-eye.

ii.

I don’t want to be a fool like you and be just friends, only to like him one sidedly.

It had been such a long time ago when Kang Sujin had said this to Han Seojun, but he remembered it like it was yesterday. That and a couple of other memories that played in his mind, causing whiplash.

Ya Han Seojun, are you a gangster?!

Those words especially felt like a slap on his face. He could actually feel his cheek burning at the image of Kang Sujin standing there in her uniform, telling off him and his boys about bullying Jukyung.

He had respected her back then, for having the guys to stand up for her friend. Even though she had been all haughty like some arrogant princess and thought him a fool, he had still respected her. He had never expected her to turn out to be such a vile person.

Am I handsome?

Yes.

No, no, no. That was one incident he refused to remember. It meant nothing. Only a source of surprise at her bluntness, nothing more.

“Seojun, we’re going to hit the showers now, are you done?”

Seojun didn’t hear Chorong as he ran on the treadmill. His body was in the gym but his mind as fully occupied by Kang Sujin, as it had been for the past week.

“Han Seojun, are you listening?”

She must have had a reason for suddenly showing up out of the blue. She had disappeared completely when the truth about her had been revealed online. Obviously, she ran away like a coward. If she was back now, it must be because she wanted something. Kang Sujin could be very calculating and manipulative.

Was it because of Lee Suho?

“Han Seojun!”

Chorong’s voice snapped Seojun out of his thoughts and he fell backward from his treadmill.

“OOOH! Are you okay?”

“YA! Why would you do that?!” Seojun snapped at Chorong as he got back up. He checked himself for bruises though his dignity caught the worst of it.

“Ah-nee, I called you so many times. You were totally checked out.” Chorong explained.

“Does that make sense? Why would I be checked out?”

“Well… you have been out of it this past week. Has something been bothering you?”

Something had been bothering him; something with silky, black hair and long legs.

“What? You met Kang Sujin?” His entire posse sounded as he told them about her return. Seojun put a finger in his ears as he was bombarded with questions.

“Did she apologize to Jukyung? Are they friends now?”

“Did she tell where she was all that time?”

“Is she still pretty?”

“Is she single?”

“What is she doing these days?”

Seojun ignored all of these useless inquiries.

“Hey! Did you al forget the kind of person she is? How could you ask if she is still pretty?”

“She must be. I bet she’s still the same.”

“She was never pretty.” Seojun declared. “I can never understand what people see in her.”

“That’s because you only have eyes for one.” One of them teased and the rest of them Ooh-ed like school girls.

“Ah, shikkeureo! Shut up!” Chorong said in defense of Seojun. Out of everyone, Chorong understood best how much Seojun still pined for Jukyung. “So, what exactly is bothering you about Kang Sujin?”

“I don’t trust her. Especially around Jukyung.”

“Wae? Do you think she might still be after Lee Suho.”

“Yes. At least I suspect so. I’m not sure what game she’s playing at but I’m not buying this angel persona she has on.”

“So? You can’t exactly stop Jukyung from choosing to be friends with her.”

“I feel I can convince Jukyung if I talk to her.”

“She might just tell you to try to get along with Sujin.”

This was true. Jukyung was too nice and trusting with people. Seojun thought long and hard.

“I’ll have to protect her. I’ll have to keep Kang Sujin away from Jukyung.”

iii.

He had been on his way to the studio, casually riding by on his bike, when he saw her. She was in some blue vest, clearly a uniform of some sort. She was handing out fliers to people who passed by, smiling widely with that fake innocent look she had perfected. What a crock of shit. Seojun swerved around and parked his bike, then sauntered up to her with an amused expression.

She lit up when she saw him approach, waving animatedly at him. Her happiness upon seeing him surprised him so much that he stumbled and almost fell. He played it off as nothing, hoping she hadn’t noticed.

“Ya Han Seojun, gimme your autograph.” She grinned as she pushed forward a petition to help kids in Africa.

Seojun didn’t take it. “What are you doing?” He asked rhetorically, looking at the pictures of children she had set up for people to see along with information as to how to donate. So she’s using these poor kids for her own selfish reasons?

“Huh?” Sujin hadn’t missed his tone. “Just sign it, its for a good cause. And being charitable will help your image too, no?” She tried appealing to his logic.

“Ooooh,” Seojun mocked, “So you keep up the pretense even when you’re not around Jukyung? Isn’t this a too much, Kang Sujin?”

Sujin’s smile dropped into a snarl, “What?”

“I’m on to you, Kang Sujin.” Seojun got up in her face. “Ah-nee, if you’re going to pretend to be all reformed then you shouldn’t make it too obvious. Charity work is a little too on the nose, don’t you think?”

Sujin stared at him in shock and anger. Seojun suddenly recalled how well Sujin had kicked those thugs who had kidnapped Jukyung back in high school and gulped. He hoped she wouldn’t try to kill him in public but it was too late to take back what he said.

“Han Seojun…” Sujin said through clenched teeth and Seojun prepared for the worst.

Ya Han Seojun! Are you a gangster?!

But she said nothing. Instead she calmed herself, exhaling through her mouth.

“I probably deserve that.” She said, not backing away or cowering from him. She pushed the flier in his chest, “But don’t make these kids suffer because of your anger towards me. They could really use the support.”

Seojun looked down at the flier. He couldn’t sign anything without the consent of his agency. So he folded it up and pocketed it. Along with his pride. He could put his ego aside for a good cause.

“These kids deserve a better person representing them than you.” Seojun said. Sujin pressed her lips tightly.

“Aren’t you being a little too harsh? I’m not the same person anymore. And Jukyung has—”

“You may have everyone else fooled, Kang Sujin. But I will always remember what you are.” With that, Seojun walked away, his hand twitching.

iv.

The next time they all met up, Seojun made sure to sit between Sujin and Jukyung. He felt uncomfortable because he had to bump shoulders with her, but he would bear it for Jukyung.

Suho gave Seojun a warning look when they all sat down. Don’t do anything excessive, the look said. Seojun ignored it.

He could feel Sujin’s stiffness beside him. This was uncomfortable for her too. Good. If I’m suffering, she should too. But she kept up her polite façade, smiling like nothing bothered her.

Seojun made sure to keep her isolated from Jukyung. He didn’t let her speak to Jukyung, didn’t let her participate in the competitions. He even didn’t let her eat properly.

“Jukyung-ah, did I show you my pictures from—”

“Jukyung-ah, has your sister told you about the tour we’re planning?” Seojun interrupted.

Jukyung would be at a loss as to who to answer and Seojun would move forward, blocking Sujin.

When Suho or Jukyung tried to ask Sujin what she wanted to eat first, he took the first dish he saw and shoved it in front of her.

“Here, have this Kang Sujin.”

“I don’t want it.” She said with an unamused look.

“Take it.” He ordered in his intimidating baritone.

They glared at each other , Sujin’s face twitching with annoyance. Seojun mentally dared her to snap at him but she swallowed her pride, quite literally, and put on a fake smile.

“Thanks.” She said dryly.

By the end of dinner, Han Seojun had successfully managed to annoy Kang Sujin. Her fake persona was slipping as she clenched her jaw and exhaled excessively to keep her temper in check. Seojun guessed he would have her true personality on display by the end of the night.

“Han Seojun what are you doing?” Suho confronted him outside.

“What did I do?” Seojun feigned ignorance.

“You need to sto—”

“Han Seojun. Let’s talk.” Sujin strode up to them from behind, her face set with determination.

“No.” Seojun said.

“I wasn’t asking. I was telling.” And there she was, the old Sujin. Gone was the politeness and friendly demeanor. She stared boldly at him, almost challenging him to refuse again.

“Seojun-ah, just hear her out.” Jukyung broke through their staring match. Seojun could never say no to her. But he didn’t get a chance to say yes either.

Sujin simply commanded, “Follow me,” and grabbed the collar of his jacket, dragging him away.

“Ya! What are you doing?!” But Kang Sujin was stronger than she looked and Seojun found himself being pulled against his will.

The rest of them could only stare.

“Do you think they’ll be alright?” Suah asked, concerned.

“Nope. I’m certain they’ll kill each other.” Suho replied nonchalantly.

“My money’s on Sujin.” Taehoon and Suah said together.

“You’re on.” Suho replied.

iv.

“Are you crazy? How could you grab me like that?” Seojun smoothened the collar of his coat that Sujin had bunched up in her fist. She had let go when he had said that he would follow enough times. They walked together, Sujin going ahead of him. He quickly put on his mask. “How can a girl be so strong?” He said under his breath. Then spoke aloud, “Is this any way to treat an idol?”

Sujin suddenly turned on her heels, stopping Seojun in his tracks. She was a little too close for comfort and looked intimidated with that unfiltered anger on her face. “Just shut up and follow.”

Seojun put his hands on his hips, tilting his head. He was unimpressed by her tough attitude. He gestured forward with his chin, “Then move.”

He followed her, keeping a small distance between them. She marched forward, taking long strides with her long, long legs. She looked like a general going to war.

“She calls me a thug. She should look at herself.” He mumbled.

Sujin led them to a secluded pocha, street food vendor with small plastic seats housed inside a plastic tent. Seojun adjusted his mask.

“Relax, no one here is going to recognize you.” Sujin said, sensing his discomfort. Indeed, when Seojun looked around, all he saw were hold ahjusshis getting drunk and babbling nonsense. None of them seemed like his fans.

Still, Sujin led them in a corner table and sat where he was hidden by her. She ordered two bottles of soju and side dishes for him. He simply watched with his arms crossed.

The silence between them was awkward and heavy. Neither of them said anything. Han Seojun openly stared at Sujin. Kang Sujin looked everywhere but him. The lady brought them their order. Sujin effortlessly opened a bottle and moved to fill his glass. Seojun put his hand on top of his glass to stop her.

With a sigh, he took the bottle from her and poured for himself. She followed suit. They both took a shot.

Sujin sat up straight, shuffling in her seat. She first looked down at her hands in her lap, then looked up, straight in his eyes.

“Mianhae.” It took him by surprise. More than that, the regret on her face moved him. If only by an inch. “I’m sorry, Han Seojun. What I did back then… I was going through some personal issues, and I took it out on Jukyung. But even that is not a good enough excuse. I shouldn’t have done what I did. And even what I said to you… even after you gave me a chance to delete the video… I’m sorry.” She gulped and Seojun mirrored her. “You were right. I was only destroying myself. I should have seen that. But I have changed now. I’m not the same person. I know you’re important to Jukyung. So I hope we can get along from now on.”

Seojun took another shot. He took a minute, considering her words.

“If its forgiveness you want, then Kang Sujin, there is nothing to forgive between us. Your fight was with Jukyung. Not me.” Sujin appeared relieved till Seojun added, “However, my problem with you isn’t because of old grudges. I just can’t trust you, Kang Sujin. I believe you still will hurt Jukyung, even if you don’t mean to. And I can’t let that happen.”

Sujin’s mouth became small. She jutted her jaw, pouring another shot for herself. She downed it aggressively before responding. “I’m not the same girl anymore. I’m not in love with—”

“I keep hearing that you’ve changed. But have you really? Can you honestly tell me that you’re over him?”

“I am over him.”

“Bull shit. I saw the way you were looking Suho. All throughout dinner—”

“Aren’t you just projecting your own feelings onto me?” Sujin interrupted.

Seojun laughed incredulously, “What?”

“The one who’s not over their unrequited love is you. You’re not over Jukyung.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes. All these years you’ve been pretending to be her friend. Aren’t you the one being two faced?”

“I’ve already confessed to her. We even went on a date.” Seojun crossed his arms with a smirk.

This was news to Sujin, “Aah. Is that so? Then isn’t that more pathetic? Even though she clearly doesn’t want you—”

“Ya, Kang Sujin.”

“—you’re still not over her. I too saw how you looked at her. With that pathetic puppy dog expression on your face. Don’t you think this is awkward for Jukyung? Sitting there with her boyfriend and—”

“Shut your damn mouth.”

“Wae? Don’t like it when the tables are turned on you?” Sujin and Seojun glared at each other with hatred. Seojun poured and downed a shot. Sujin swallowed and looked away. This was not how she imagined this conversation going.

“I’m not in love with her.” Seojun declared.

Sujin snorted, “Hul. Then why is it you who is giving me this lecture and not Lee Suho? If I’m really such a threat to Lim Jukyung, then shouldn’t her boyfriend be the one to confront me? What gives you the right to treat me this way?”

Seojun paused. “I can give you a million reasons; that I’m her friend, that even though I’m not her boyfriend, she stills relies on me, that I’m doing this out of humanity.”

Sujin scoffed.

“That I don’t want to lose another friend because of bullying.”

Sujin’s face fell. She licked her lips as she considered his point of view. Then, wordlessly, she poured him a drink.

“I’m not a bully. I never was. I did a shitty thing that I’ve apologized for and now I’d like to move on with my life.” She poured herself a shot of soju too. “I care about Jukyung. I will always regret what I did to her. But I still have a chance at friendship and I am going to take it whether you like it or not.”

They both took the shot. Sujin poured them another.

“We both care about Jukyung. And she would want us to get along, or at least pretend to for her sake.” Sujin gave Seojun a pointed look. The ball was in his court now.

Seojun remembered how uncomfortable Jukyung had been because of his hostility towards Sujin. True, Sujin wasn’t the kind to be trusted. Seojun was a man of action, he didn’t believe in hollow words. But it was also true that fighting with Sujin all the time would cause problems in their peaceful little group. And although he was sure that when it came to it, everyone would choose him and not her, he still held up the shot glass and said, “For Jukyung’s sake.”

The two drunken enemies staggered on the sidewalk, each supporting the other while trying not to fall; a drunk trying to steady another drunk.

“Ah-nee-ya, I’m not *hic* not in love with Jukyung. I don… I don…”

“Arassssso. And I’mf the Pwincess of England.” Sujin slurred, pushing Seojun upright as she tried to hail a taxi.

“Na ah-nee-ya. I’m not. Nope.” Seojun hiccuped.

“Ah just sstand still!” Sujin pushed his body away but his arm was still draped over her shoulder.

“Ah sshutup! Shut up you stupid Suijin!” Seojun started snickering at his own statement, “Hehehe. Stupid Suji. Sujinnie phabo.” Seojun pushed his weight onto her, still chortling.

“Ah stand still!!” Sujin wrapped an arm around his waist to hold him up. She was suddenly very aware of just how tall he was. Even with her own impressive height, he seemed too big.

A taxi finally stopped and Sujin struggled with pushing Seojun inside. She pushed him in with her legs when he bent over on the seat but refused to move further to give her room.

“Where to?” The driver asked when they both were seated.

“Han Seojun, tell him your address.”

Seojun fell to the other side, passed out. Sujin, who herself felt like passing out, leaned over to tap his face, “Han Seojun? Ya! Wake uuup.” He did not.

“Are we leaving or not?” The driver asked impatiently.

Sujin shook Seojun again. He stirred, only to mumble Jukyung’s name and pass out on her shoulder again. Sujin looked at the driver helplessly.

vi.

The first thing Seojun felt was the pounding headache, it brought him out of a very nice dream he’d been having that he promptly forgot. He could feel his legs sticking out from the side of the bed. In turning over, his elbow punched into something.

“Oof! Ow! What the hell!”

Sujin kicked at him as she pressed her ribs in pain. They both were surprised to find themselves tangled in each other. It took them exactly three seconds to start screaming.

They both flew off the bed, Sujin hitting Seojun repeatedly with her pillow.

“Ow! Ow! Ah! OW!”

“Why. Are. You. In. My. Bed?!”

“Why am I here? Why are you here?”

“This is my room asshole!”

Seojun grabbed Sujin’s wrist to keep her from hitting him. He looked around and indeed it was Sujin’s room.

“What the hell happened?” He asked.

She kicked him in the shin, “How the hell would I know? Explain yourself, Han Seojun!”

“You explain! How can I end up here if you didn’t bring me?”

Sujin’s raised foot, about to kick Seojun, slowly lowered. She was suddenly hit with the memory of last night. Drunkenly trying to enter the code to her door as Seojun whined about missing Jukyung, stumbling into her apartment and dragging Seojun by his collar to the couch, falling on top of him as he fell and then immediately picking herself up and going into her room to pass out.

Seojun put his hands on his hips defiantly, “Kang Sujin. We got drunk last night didn’t we? Aish, chincha. I never thought you’d be the kind of girl to take advantage of a guy like that.”

“Ah-ni-godun! That would never happen! I only brought you here because you wouldn’t tell me your address.”

“Ah, what a nice excuse. And whose idea was it to go drinking any way? Was this your plan all along? Of course, its understandable that you’d want a rebound with the most handsome guy around.”

Sujin scoffed in disbelief. “That’s not the case!” She protested. “And what handsome? I find you laughable.”

“And I find you detestable.”

“Then why did you come into my bedroom when I left you out on the couch?”

A flash of memory sparked in Seojun’s mind; of getting up, using Sujin’s bathroom and going into the bedroom thinking he was at Chorong’s place.

The red spreading on his cheeks was a dead giveaway to Sujin that she had him.

Seojun cleared his throat, “No matter what, this isn’t what it looks like.”

“Of course, it doesn’t.”

They stood there awkwardly for a moment as they wondered what to do next. They both spoke together.

“You should probably go.”

“I should leave.”

A rare agreement. They both nodded in sync.

“But… is there a back door to your apartment? I can risk having my face seen leaving a girl’s apartment.”

Sujin licked her lips as she considered this. “I think I have an idea.”

From the outside, Kang Sujin’s apartment door cracked open, just enough for two heads to poke out to check if the coast was clear. One of those heads was wearing a beanie, a mask and sunglasses. The other was Sujin. They both sneaked out of her apartment and beelined for the emergency stairs.

“Why is your apartment so up high?”

“We can always go in the elevator where my neighbors can see you.”

“I hate you.”

Finally making it out the back exit, the two relaxed.

“How are you going to get home?” She asked him.

“I’ll take the bus. Nobody will recognize me when I’m like this.”

“You shouldn’t underestimate fangirls.”

Seojun chuckled, “Never do. Bye then.”

Seojun turned, then paused, then turned back. “Kang Sujin.” He called out to her just as she was about to go in. “Thanks… for not just abandoning me last night.” It was the most difficult thank-you he had ever said.

Sujin simply nodded. “Get home safely.”

vii.

Sujin didn’t remember going back up to her apartment, just the click of the door shutting behind her that pulled her out of her daze.

She had just spent the night with Han Seojun. Admittedly, it meant nothing, but it still felt weird and she didn’t know what to do about it.

Maybe I should have asked him to eat before he went. He must have been hungry. She thought. And then scolded herself, Ah-nee, why would I care about him? He doesn’t matter to me anyway.

Traces of Han Seojun still lingered in her apartment; the bedsheet that had fallen on the floor, along with the pillow she had assaulted him with, his spicy scent on the bed and a metal ring on her bedside table that he must have taken off during the night.

Sujin held up the ring, looking through it. She would give it to him later, if they met again. She hoped they didn’t. She was already dreading the thought of encountering him again.

Kang Sujin didn’t let herself think too much about last night. She changed her sheets, showered and firmly put all thoughts of a certain idol out of her mind. He was just a silly twerp who had been a thug in high school and was now just an idol. He had nothing to do with her, nor she with him.

She had better things to do, like her work.

If you’re going to pretend to be all reformed then you shouldn’t make it too obvious. Charity work is a little too on the nose, don’t you think?

Nope, she wasn’t going to let that idiot get to her. Who was he to treat her like this? Next time she saw him, she would kick him in the face. Yes, that’s what she would do.

I keep hearing that you’ve changed. But have you really? Can you honestly tell me that you’re over him?

All day long Sujin’s hand twitched with the need to be scrubbed clean. They kept getting clammy and sticky. She wanted to scrub, scurb, scurb them of all the dirt and the grime and the filth of her past self. Sujin had believed that she had kicked this bad habit of unnecessarily cleaning her hands, but apparently she hadn’t.

My problem with you isn’t because of old grudges. I just can’t trust you, Kang Sujin. I believe you still will hurt Jukyung, even if you don’t mean to.

“Well who the hell wants your trust?” Sujin argued with the wind.

“Is everything okay?” One of the girls she worked with asked.

“What? Oh-um-yeah. Everything is fine! Just… talking to myself.” She put on a fake cheery attitude and shook her head.

It was only when Sujin’s day was finally over, and she was back in her empty apartment, leaning against her front door, that let herself feel the misery she had been suppressing.

Of course that Han Seojun hates me. What reason does he have not to?

Even the person who had been obligated to love and protect her, had only ever seen her as worthless. If her own father, couldn’t treat her with decency, then why should she expect a stranger to?

Her small apartment suddenly seemed so much bigger now. Big and empty, with shadows extending from the ground to the roof.

Kang Sujin, were you always such a piece of trash?

She hadn’t answered him back then. But in these quiet moments, she allowed herself to admit, “Yes, Han Seojun. I was always such a worthless piece of trash.”

Back when she had been a kid—running away from her problems in school, from what she had done to Jukyung—she would let this darkness take over. It would eat her inside and out till she was just a shell. However, now that he had grown up, she had learned how to deal with this on her own.

Sujin pushed herself off of the door and walked into her room, turning on all of the lights. Rest, she needed rest. And food, before anything else. Most of the time her depression would just be weakness caused by hunger. She was indeed careless with her health.

Her phone buzzed suddenly. It was a message from Jukyung. She would respond later. First she would spend time on herself. But then, almost immediately, there was a message from Suah. Then Suho. Even Taehoon. Then the phone lit up with a call from Jukyung.

“What’s going o—”

“Kang Sujin, have you seen the articles?”

“What?”

“There’s articles about you and Seojun dating.”

“WHAT?” It took Sujin a full minute to process what Jukyung was saying. She was speaking but Sujin didn’t hear the rest. Jukyung’s voice was muted from the speaker as Sujin searched through Naver for her and Seojun’s name.

“It’s all over the internet.” Jukyung was saying. “Someone’s posted pictures of you and Seojun together. Sujin-ah. Is that really you? Are you and Seojun dating?”

The room began to spin and Sujin had the urge to kick someone in the face.

“Jukyung-ah. I’ll call you back.”

What the hell happened?”

The articles Sujin found showed her and Seojun exiting her building. It was from this morning. Seojun’s face was well hidden but she could be clearly seen. From the way the pictures were taken, it looked as if the two were involved in something together.

Sujin’s phone suddenly lit up with an unknown number. She knew it could only be Han Seojun.

She pressed answer.

Some JunJin images I came up with just for fun

#junjin #Kang Sujin #Han Seojun #True Beauty #True Beauty Kdrama #Kdrama Fanfiction #True Beauty Fanfiction #Seojun x Sujin #Kang Soojin #Kang Sujin Fanfiction #Han Seojun Fanfiction #kdrama #fanfiction #park yoona #hwang inyeop

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dreamingsushi · 4 years

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Eternal Love - Episode 7

So excited for another episode of Eternal Love!! This is stupid since I know all of the story, or almost, but oh well. Whatever makes me happy just makes me happy!

Zhe Yan tells Si Yin that he won’t wake up, so she gets really desperate and begs Zhe Yan to save him as he is known as the best doctor in the Heavens. However he can’t, Zhe Yan’s soul has been given out to seal and stop the Dnoghuang bell. Sh feels bad because Mo Yuan wasn’t fully healed after receiving three lightning bolts for her, so that’s why he couldn’t escape from it. But then Bai Zhen tells her to remember what Mo Yuan said to her before sealing the bell: “Wait for me”. He says that if Mo Yuan said it, he’s going to come back for sure. She gets convinced easily. So she decides to look out for Mo Yuan’s body. Bai Zhen asks her if she’d rather not go back to Qing Qiu, but she declines the offer, she wants to stay by her master’s side. Both Zhe Yan and Bai Zhen leaves her alone. Oh, so little lotus flower isn’t dead. It flashes and flower lotus boy comes out to stay with Si Yin guard Mo Yuan’s body.

So Bai Zhen doesn’t think that Mo Yuan will really come back, he only said that to comfort Bai Qian, but Zhe Yan tells him that he really doesn’t understand what kind of person Mo Yuan is. He says that if he wouldn’t be able to come, he wouldn’t leave that hope for Si Yin.

Bai Qian is sad sad sad. Lotus flower boy hugs her, but then she runs back to Mo Yuan’s side and starts striping next to a knife. She stabs herself, but not where she took out her clothes, so why take them out? Oh well, she has a really nice shoulder, Yang Mi is just one of the most gorgeous women in the world, in my opinion. Lotus flower boy seeing her doing so tries to stop her, but of course she doesn’t hear, nor see him. The nine tail fox’s blood can help to preserve someone’s body. So she’s feeding it to him so he won’t rot away.

Time for the Yi brother to fight. Li Yuan isn’t really happy that Li Jing questions him being so in a hurry to take over the power. And reminds him that he always promised that as soon he would become king, he’d kill him. Well he’s already trying by strangling him. He acknowledges that he killed Li Jing’s mom and Li Jing pushes him away. The soldiers are also pointing against him. Seems like he agreed to Siming’s help. They want Li Jing as king because, one he’s stronger than Li Yuan, two the army has been deflated and Li Yuan already plans on going again to war. They don’t want that. He accuses them of betraying the crown, but they say they aren’t, they just want to switch the crown prince to one who will really care about the Yi people. Moreover the Tians said that if Li Jing becomes King they will accept their letter of surrender. Li Jing sends Li Yuan to jail and orders that Yan Zhi never be told about that situation.

Li Jing pushes away Xuannü again, but agrees that they must have been fated to be with each other as they both are... well not nice people. I think Li Jing could have been a nice guy though. Just things went wrong at some point.

The Heavenly Lord isn’t so happy that they can’t get back Mo Yuan’s corpse because Si Yin is sending them away. He sends his elder son to take care of the matter and remember that disciple that he put at risk the truce by wanting to avenge. Then Lexu comes in with a little girl. I hate so much the man bun on Donghua. The Heavenly Lord names her Sujin, in memory of her whole who sacrificed themselves at war and takes her in as a princess in the palace. Sujin is so cute as a child. So sad that she becomes what she will become ): The Heavenly lord entrusts Su Jin to his elder son Yangcuo. Lexu promises to take care of her as if she was her own daughter. She’s worried that’s because he blames her for not having kids. Even though they have been married for 30,000 years, she doesn’t know when she will have kids. Then Donghua tells her to go to Kunlunxu, there she will find her answers. Wow. I love how he says things without explaining.

Yang Cuo asks Si Yin not to look for revenge. She doesn’t agree and still wants to take revenge. Die Feng asks for forgiveness and says that nobody from Kunlunxu will look for revenge.

Lotus Flower boy feels that somebody touched the golden lotus. When he becomes a person, he won’t be back here and won’t even remember her. Then when he slowly disappears, he calls her name and for the first time, she hears him. She mistakes his voice for Mo Yuan’s voice. I feel so bad for that poor lotus flower boy.

When Lexu sees the lotus flower, she feels attracted to it and touches it than it gets into her. Die Feng tells her that this lotus flower was only staying in Kunlunxu waiting for it’s owner, so seeing that it disappeared, she must be the one. And she’s like how come is it me? They don’t know.

Die Feng goes to check on Si Yin and talk him into not going for revenge, but actually she doesn’t intend to. After all Mo Yuan lost his life to bring back that peace. She’s indeed the disciple that understands most Mo Yuan. Die Feng is wondering how come Mo Yuan’s body still hasn’t degraded. He then tells Si Yin about a jade the Yi have which can prevent the body to never rot.

She decides to go see Li Jing and ask for it, in the name of their past friendship. At first Li Jing thought she came for revenge, but she says that on the battlefield she was unable to know what’s wrong and what’s right, now she just came for borrowing the jade. He asks her if she wants it for Mo Yuan, but she won’t say. Then he says that because of their history, he should lend it to her even though she won’t tell her reasons, but he says it was lost. She leaves, depressed. And of course she has to bump into Xuannü on her way out who offers her to stay and rest a while before leaving. Already acting like an annoying queen. She also says that Li Jing gave her the jade and that and if she wants she could give it to her. When Si Yin tries to catch it, she moves her hand away. The Si Yin pushes Xuannü and she falls on the ground. I think she’s exaggerating, that push wasn’t strong enough to make her fall down, Si Yin isn’t fully healed from her injuries and she kept feeding her blood to Mo Yuan. Li Jing comes right in and helps Xuannü to get up while Si Yin points to the jade, saying here’s the thing you lost. She’s so hurt and before leaving she says her biggest regret in her life is meeting Li Jing. He tries to run after her, but Xuannü ties him down and he uses a lot of strength to push her away, to the point that she coughs blood. Or is it from her past injuries? Maybe, but I like it better if it’s Li Jing who hurt her. He’s really mad at her and she tells him again that Si Yin only liked Mo Yuan, never, that he didn’t want to give her the jade because he’s jealous of Mo Yuan. My heart hurts for Li Jing. I don’t believe Xuannü is in love with Li Jing.

All the disciples all eat together. And drink. That scene is beautiful, with all of them pouring the alcool and bowing in direction of their lost ones’ usual sitting place and pouring he alcool on the ground. Si Yin propose another toast. To thank them for taking caring of her, even though she wasn’t a good student. Si Yin reminds them of one time they went to the Junji mountain to look at the sunrise and Die Feng says that once the mourning is done, they should go back again.

Then they all fall asleep suddenly. Looking at Si Yin, she clearly had something to do with it. She bids her farewell to them while they can’t hear her. Since she couldn’t get the jade, the only way to preserve Mo Yuan’s body would be to go back to Qing Qiu. On her way, she meets a girl being beaten by bad guys. Did she save her? Well she’s back to Qing Qiu and feeds her blood to Mo Yuan again. Or is it just some kind of unknown grotto? We’ll see next episode! Probably tomorrow, it’s too late tonight to keep looking, plus Netflix won’t load more than 24% after midnight for some reasons hmmm.

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silhouetted-beauty · 5 years

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“Run In: Fate” - Part 8

Genre: Fluff and Angst

Word Count: 9.5K

A/N: Sorry guys, I had every intention of posting this yesterday, at its scheduled time but personal matters gotten in the way and I had to wait. Not only that, the chapter was also only 80% done at the time. FML!!! With that being said, chapter 9 (more than likely the final chapter) won’t be posted until March 2nd. Hopefully that’ll give me time to get the chapter in order. *fingers crossed* Happy Readings!^^

The two of you sat in each other’s arms, not saying a word. For you, there were no better words than being right there with him. Yoongi didn’t want to let you go, even if his body was in pain. Feeling your heart beating against his chest soothed him greatly. As reckless as he behavior was, he didn’t regret escaping the way that he did especially now that he knew you were safe.

The machines continued to go off and it wasn’t long before you felt a wet feeling soak into your clothes. When Yoongi moved away, you both realized the two of you had a large bloody spot on your clothing. Almost on cue, the doctors poured into the room.

“Looks like you tore open one of your stitches, Mr. Min.” The head doctor stated.

You looked back over at Yoongi, more specifically his hips. Blood was escaping his gunshot wound on his pelvis, covering more of his hospital gown. You immediately stood to your feet, moving aside to let the doctor take your place.

“Will he be okay?” You asked, becoming worried.

“I’m fine, y/n.” Yoongi stated, reaching out to hold your hand.

“He should be fine.” The doctor spoke. “Unfortunately, you will have to get stitched up again to prevent infection.” He prepared the bed to be rolled out of the room. The others copied information from the machine, writing it down on their clipboards. “I’m sorry but after what happened with your condition, we want to take extra precautions as to not have a repeat.”

You stood next to Yoongi’s mother, watching as he was pushed out of the room.

“What did the doctor mean?” You asked her. “What happened with his condition?”

Instead of answering, his mother just shook her head; walking towards the door. You wanted to follow but she told you to remain in the room as she walked after them to make sure her son would be okay. Sitting back in the chair, you tried to take deep breaths as you waited. Something was going on yet you weren’t getting answers. A part of you was scared to even find out.

“Y/n?... Are you okay?”

When you looked up, you saw Jimin standing by the door. He was worried for you but you tried to pretend you weren’t having a panic attack, trying to figure out what was going on.

“I’m okay.” You lied, fumbling with your hands.

“Where’s Yoongi? Is he awake?”

You nodded. “The doctors took him away. He had opened a wound and they didn’t want to wait to patch him up.”

He came over, placing his hand on your shoulder. “If that’s all they’re doing, then you don’t have anything to worry about.” He comforted you.

“Jimin?,” you called out before looking up at him. “What happened to him?”

“Y/n, I’m not sure you’d-“

“Please... I deserve to know.”

“I’m not saying you don’t, but now is not the time to think about the negative. Let’s looks at the positives, like having Yoongi back safe and alive.”

“Yeah...” you looked away, not wanting to argue about it. After all, Jimin did have a point. Yoongi was safe but what worried you was his condition and the state he was left in.

“Thank you,” Yoongi spoke, staring straight ahead as the doctors worked to get prepped for stitching. “For watching over her while I’ve been away.”

“Of course,” his mother simply said. “Did you think I would abandon her and let her fend for herself, pregnant and all?”

She sighed. “Honey, I love you and I’m glad you’re okay. Now I don’t know where you stand as far as the pregnancy and you may not want to hear this but Y/n took your disappearance the hardest. She was very worried about you so don’t be hard on her about the baby.”

“Alright Mr. Min, we’re ready for you.” The head doctor interrupted, leaving Yoongi unable to answer.

~~~

Yoongi and his mother had returned to the room an hour later. Once again, he had drifted back to sleep which left you to watch over him. His mother and Jimin were whispering amongst themselves as to not alert you but no matter how hard you tried to eavesdrop, you couldn’t understand a word.

When Yoongi had woken, he found you asleep, laid across his legs; holding on to his hand. He didn’t want to disturb you, especially when he saw how peaceful you were sleeping but knew you couldn’t have been comfortable in that position. Him moving slightly was all it took for you to instantly wake up and check on him. You quickly noticed the small smile on his face.

“I’m sorry to wake you.”

You shook your head. “I’m okay,” you met his smile. “How are you feeling?”

“A lot better than before.”

“Are you sure? Do you need me to call the doctor?”

“No, I’m okay for now.”

As the two of you stared off, there were so many things you wanted to say to him. You wanted to tell him how much you’d missed him but you also wanted to know what happened. Knowing Yoongi, you also knew there was a strong possibility of him not telling you.

“Yoongi, I-“

“Good afternoon, Min Yoongi.” The new police chief said loudly, interrupting you as he entered the room with a few officers. Yoongi’s mood instantly darkened at the sight of him. “I was alerted by the staff of your... mishaps. I’m here to go over the details of your accident.”

Yoongi’s mother huffed, turning her nose up at the men.

“If you call getting kidnapped an accident-“

“Mom.” Yoongi stopped her but couldn’t blame her for her attitude.

After his run in with the police the previous year and his truce with your father, he still didn’t trust them. With mobsters running the city, they could secretly be trying to find a way to bring him down. For all he knew, Sujin had a few spies on the force, ready to report his condition and possibly strike. However, it wouldn’t hurt to toy with them for a bit. It’s the least he could do since they planned on wasting his time.

“Could you take y/n and get me something to drink.”

His mother scoffed, reaching out for you and leading you out of the room; although you would have rather stayed behind. Jimin, however, stayed in the room with Yoongi.

“Alright, let’s get this over with.” Yoongi began carelessly.

“Listen, big shot. I don’t want to be here anymore than you don’t want me here but it’s protocol that I come.” The police chief stated.

“You’re wasting your time either way. I don’t need the help of the police.”

“Yeah, you look like you’ve done great job handling it on your own.” He scoffed, stepping closer towards the bed; leaning his face in. “I know that you think you’re big shit since you’ve been fucking the old man’s daughter and scared him away. But he and I are completely different. I don’t get frightened very easily or by thugs. You can either accept my help or try to do everything by yourself.”

“Let me think about it. In the meantime, you can go back to the office and sit on your ass; I’ve got a city to run. And while I’m doing that, I’m more than happy to do your job for you and capture the ones who targeted me.” Yoongi stated, lying comfortably on his back. “Thanks for the detailed talk but I think we’re done.”

The police chief had no choice but to back down. He took his men and left the room. If Min Yoongi didn’t want to cooperate, then he would have to open his own investigation. He had a feeling that the person who burned down the Min property were also behind the other explosions and he was going to get to the bottom of it.

~~~

“Now you do know that she will be against the idea.” Jimin stated as he turned his attention away from looking out of the window to look at Yoongi. “But if anyone could tell her, I think it should be you.”

“I agree.” His mother chimes in.

Once you had left the room to use the bathroom, Yoongi discussed you leaving the hospital. With Sujin and Insu still at large, he didn’t want to risk you being there with him in the case they attacked the hospital. However, it was the matter of getting you to leave was the problem. They all knew that you were still worried about Yoongi’s health. Which was why they believe he should be the one to tell, he could convince you better than anyone else.

You emerged from the bathroom with all eyes on you. It caused you to stand rooted in place with a weird feeling coming over you.

“What’s going on?”

Yoongi held out his hand for you to take in which you eagerly did. “I want you to leave. Go home with my mother and get proper rest.”

“No way! I’m not leaving you h-“

“Y/n..” Yoongi interrupted, letting out a deep sigh. “I’m not asking you to leave because I don’t want you here; I’m telling you to go because I want you safe.”

“But I’m safe right here with you.” You said, letting the tears fall from your eyes. Yoongi reached up and wiped them away. He didn’t want to see you cry but this was for your own good whether you liked it or not. He needed you to trust him.

“I hate to say this but you’re not. The people who kidnapped me are still out there, possibly waiting to make another move. Keeping you here will be putting your life in jeopardy and I can’t have that. So I’m telling you to leave with my mother for the night, I’ll see you first thing when you wake up.”

“But what about you? I’m going to be protected but you’re not going to use yourself as bait or just let them hurt you again.”

“Of course not!” Yoongi’s mother stepped in. “Now that we have him back, we will fight to the very end to keep him safe.”

You knew she meant every word and you trusted her. They didn’t want you there in the case the enemies attacked you to hurt him. Whoever it was already tried once and they were going to go through great lengths to prevent it from happening again.

“Okay, I’ll go,” you agreed, wiping away the fresh tears that had fallen. “But I’ll be back the moment I wake up.”

You leaned over to kiss his lips which almost made you want to change your mind and stay with him. Yoongi held your head in his hand, dragging out the kiss. He, too, almost didn’t want to let you leave but fought against his heart and let you. He finally broke the kiss to stare into your eyes.

“I love you, don’t ever forget that.”

You nodded. “I love you too.” You kissed him one last time.

“Alright, you two, that’s enough.” His mother stated with a smile. “It’s only for the night and not a lifetime.” If she had to be honest with herself, she was over the moon happy that the two of you had made up. Now you both could come together as a family and raise the baby properly.

~~~

“How bad was it?” Yoongi asked ten minutes after you and his mother were gone. Once he knew exactly how long he was held captive, he wanted to know everything that happened in his absence.

“It was bad.” Jimin admitted with a sigh. “Your house is a mess; bullet holes and blood stains are everywhere. Besides the death of Wu Shiwon, we were able to keep everything else down to a minimum.”

“And y/n?... they told me that she died when they shot up the bakery. Sujin even gave me her book covered in blood but I guess its all bullshit.”

“Actually, they were telling the truth for the most part. The bakery was shot to pieces.”

“Shit,” Yoongi sighed deeply. “What exactly happened?”

“According to y/n, men suddenly begun firing into the shop. Thankfully, majority of the staff were out that day.”

“How did she make it out alive?”

“Another employee was with her at the time. Now unfortunately, he was injured while trying to protect her. He was shot while she escaped with minor grazes to the skin.”

Yoongi nodded in silence as he listened along. It wasn’t too bad but it was still bad. Because of him, you were a target and were almost killed because you were used as a pawn. The enemies didn’t care whether you lived or died, all they really care for was bring him down in any way possible.

“I gotta get out of here.” Yoongi mumbled but his words didn’t go unnoticed by Jimin.

“You are aware that you’re still in critical condition, don’t you? You are aware that you can’t go moving about so freely.”

“I am but what do you suppose we do if Sujin suddenly made a move? Clearly I’m in no position to help. Am I supposed to call the cops?”

“No, you’re supposed to let us protect you.”

“Then what? Continue to risk your lives until I’m left with nothing?” Yoongi stated in anger. He didn’t want to lose his friends and family just as easily as before. “I can’t just sit around here and wait. I have a doctor. He’ll care for me in a more private setting. Once I’m healed, I’ll deal with everything that’s happened.”

~~~

True to his word and with the help of others, Yoongi was carefully snuck out of the hospital the following night. He stayed in one of the rooms at his parents’ house where he was medically treated.

You were ecstatic to have him home and under protection where he couldn’t be harmed again. Day after day, you would keep him company until his eyelids grew heavy and needed rest. You would either take a nap with him or find his mother in the kitchen and help her prepare lunch for him.

That particular day, you were placing everything on the tray to take to Yoongi since you figured he would be hungry. His doctor was also present in the home for a standardized checkup and to write any prescriptions he’d need.

“Okay, sweetie, now you can take the food to Yoongi.” His mother said after placing a bowl of soup on the tray.

You carefully carried the tray through the house and upstairs, balancing it on your belly. Hoseok had just emerged from the bathroom when he ran into you just as you were about to go into the room.

“Hey, y/n. I’ll take that to him for you.”

You smiled at his kind gesture. “Thanks but I got it.”

“I insist.”

“That’s kind of you but I want to see Yoongi.”

“I’d rather you don’t... at least not now.” He nervously joked, trying to take the tray from your hands but you wouldn’t budge.

“Is there a reason why you don’t want me to see him right now?”

Hoseok stared at you with hard eyes. You and him were close, he always looked out for you, and was there when you needed to talk. Right now, all he wanted to protect you from seeing Yoongi in the condition he was in.

“I just... don’t want you to see him.” Hoseok spoked after a minute or two.

“And why not? I’ve seen him plenty of times...”

“Not like this.”

An unsettling feeling came over you as you nibbled on your bottom lip. You have seen Yoongi since his stay at the hospital, you would know if something was wrong with him. It didn’t make sense until you realize, Hoseok was talking about something else.

“What happened to him?” You demanded answers and you planned on getting them. No more getting the run around. When he didn’t answer, you answered for him. “Let me guess. Even though I deserve to know, you’re not going to tell me.”

“Y/n...”

“Listen, Hobi. If you don’t want to talk to me, I’ll walk into that room and get answers from him myself.”

Hoseok sighed. He was almost certain that Yoongi didn’t want you to worry but he figured you’d find out eventually. You were very persistent. “According to Namjoon, Yoongi was in very bad shape when he found him. He was severely beaten and was shot twice.” Your heart dropped at the news. This was bad. “It was a good thing that Namjoon got to him when he did. The moment they walked through the emergency room doors, I was told that Yoongi had stopped breathing and doctors rushed to save his life.”

The more you listened, the more your stomach sank and you felt sick. Yoongi had died and you had no idea.

“They managed to get his heart beating again and closed off his wounds so he couldn’t lose any more blood. He had been unconscious until that day you came to the hospital.” Hoseok continued. He took the tray from your hands while you were in a daze. “Promise me that you’ll see him once the doctor leaves.”

You nodded, watching as Hoseok turned the handle of the door and disappeared behind it. A variety of thoughts flooded your mind and you stood in place. Eventually, you walked over to the door and placed your hand on the knob. You tried to remain as quiet as you could as you turned the handle, gently pushed opened the door, and peeked through. Your eye widens and immediately watered at the sight before you.

Yoongi sat up in bed as the doctor examined his torso. His body was covered in bruises; some faded, some still fresh. Both bullets, which thankfully missed vital arteries, veins, and bones, were surgically removed and the scars were covered with patches. You also overheard the doctor explain to him the condition of his broken ribs and getting more medication for the pain. The cuts on his back were still healing and all of his organs detected no signs of failure.

You watched what you could before you closed the door and escaped down the hall to the bathroom. There, you silently cried with your hand covering your mouth. You could only imagine what he went through while in the hands of those monsters.

“Oh, Yoongi. What did they do to you?”

~~~~~

The time now read five o’clock when you woke from your nap. You sat up in bed with your legs hanging over the side. A cloud of sadness still hung above your head at the thought of Yoongi’s condition. Even though he was getting better physically, you wondered if his mental health was okay. You, of all people, knew what it was like to not only get kidnapped, but tortured too.

When you opened the door to the room Yoongi was staying in, you found him quickly hiding something under the blanket from view. When he realized it was you, his demeanor relaxed a little bit; pulling back out his phone.

“Oh, it’s just you.”

It suddenly felt like deja vu as you thought back to over a year ago, closing the door behind you.

“I hope you aren’t trying to sneak around to do work on your phone, Mr. Min?” You teased, walking closer towards the bed to take a seat. “You know your mother wants you to rest.” Yoongi rolled his eyes, pulling you closer to him by your hands.

“I promise you I’m not,” he stated with a lick of his lips. “Where have you been all afternoon?”

You shrugged. “I just took a nap in the other room. I guess I was more tired than I thought.”

“Why didn’t you take a nap with me?”

“I didn’t want to bother you. I know the doctor was here and I didn’t want to get in the way.”

Yoongi’s hand roamed over your backside, gently rubbing your ass. “I’m not going to lie; I was a bit disappointed when I was told my beautiful girlfriend was sleeping without me.”

You smiled, leaving over to kiss his lips. “Well I’m here now.”

“Yeah.” He let out a peaceful sigh.

The two of you, fell quiet as silence took the room. His eyes gazed over your figure, stopping to stare at your large stomach. Without much thought, his hand rubbed over your bump. You stared at him with a smile while Yoongi stared at the baby hidden away in your belly with a serious expression on his face. It wasn’t long before the baby didn’t like the pressure as it tried to sleep and pushed back again its father’s hand. Once, twice, until you felt it moving around constantly.

“Looks like you woke someone up.” You said with a smile. Yoongi looked up at you in surprise before turning his attention back to your stomach.

“The baby is up?”

He tried to hide the tremble in hand as he touched your person. There, in your stomach, is a baby created by both; you and him. He didn’t want to let on how scared and nervous he really was at the thought of becoming a dad. From life as a teen until now, there wasn’t a person Yoongi was afraid of. Now, there was a baby; his baby, that had someone like him shaking in his skin. It was almost comical. However, thinking back on the night he was kidnapped, Yoongi didn’t want to see you hurt by his actions. No matter how unsure he was of the future, he was going to step up and be the man you needed him to be.

You smiled, placing your hand over his. “Yes... He is.”

Yoongi’s eyes widened and quickly met yours. “HE?! You mean... it’s a boy?... we’re having a boy?”

The moment you confirm his questions, Yoongi was pulling you against his body to press his lips against yours. You never expected him to be this excited over the news but you should have known. When he moved away, Yoongi was running his hands down his face, letting out a deep sigh. He still couldn’t believe the news. You were having his son; his first born was a boy.

When he caught you staring, he smiled. “Could you get me something to drink?”

“Like water?”

Yoongi shook his head. “No, alcohol.”

“Are you sure you’re allowed to? I don’t know if you should.”

“I only want a little... To take a shot in honor of my son.”

Since he put it that way, you guessed a little of liquor couldn’t do much damage. You had left the room to pour him a small shot of soju and returned shortly after. Just as you were about to turn the doorknob, you heard sniffles and light crying coming from the other side. He was crying. Yoongi was crying.

As you walked into the room, he wiped his face but the evidence was still there. Sitting on the edge of the bed, you brought your hand up to his face and wiped away a tear that he had missed.

“You don’t have to be ashamed to cry in front of me, Yoongi.”

He held onto your hand before removing it from his face. At first, he wouldn’t meet your eye contact but he quickly noticed how concerned you were.

“I’m not ashamed,” he sighed. “... at least to cry in front of someone.”

“Then what’s wrong? Is it the baby?”

“It’s the three of us. You, him, and I.” Yoongi feels you shift uncomfortably, suddenly becoming tense.

“Are you not happy?”

“Let me explain,” he said and you watched as he positioned himself more comfortably. “I was informed that you and the baby were dead. I really thought you were gone. In that instance, I didn’t care whether I lived or died because I didn’t have you anymore. I gave away to my injuries and it felt like I was asleep. I slept because I was afraid of waking up and settling into a life without you. But now that you’re alive, safe, and healthy; I feel ashamed for giving up. For how reckless my behavior was and allowing myself to be easily fooled. The baby...” he sighed. “My son would of had to grow up without me because I wasn’t strong enough to open my eyes.”

“But you did and you found out that it was all a lie. You think you’re weak for what you did but in reality, you opened your eyes despite how unsure you were and that’s what makes you stronger.”

Yoongi took the drink from your hand and sat it down on the nightstand. He took both of your hands in his and kissed over the back of them.

“I fucking love you so much... both of you.”

It wasn’t just because of the hormones from the pregnancy and you were emotional that you begin to cry but how Yoongi opened up to you about one of his fears and insecurities. It felt as though you both entered a new understanding of your relationship.

~~~~~

In the span of five weeks, Yoongi was running back on track. With his injuries almost healed, he was up on his feet every day. He continued to stay at his parents’ house while hiring a team to fix his home. While there, he became hands on with your pregnancy, helping out anyway that that he could. From making sure you were comfortable to sending his men to fetch whatever you were craving at the moment. He would massage any part of your body that was sore and complimented you daily. What you suddenly realized and didn’t appreciate was that the baby woke up from his slumber whenever he heard his dad’s voice. It was as if he fed off Yoongi’s energy, staying awake until he was no longer around or you both fell asleep for the night. That was one thing you planned on keeping a secret.

Everything else seemed to have gone back to normal and Yoongi even returned to work. He gathered all of his men together for a meeting. He introduced Oh Sujin, the mastermind behind the madness and Kun Insu, her right hand and the one responsible for the deaths. As luck would have it, Ujin; Jimin’s right hand man, provided insight on Insu. The two were mercenaries and fought alongside of one another. Hoseok and Namjoon couldn’t believe the person they were looking for was not only a woman but Frankie’s sister.

“That explains why we couldn’t find her under the name y/n gave us.” Hoseok mentioned.

“She stayed under the radar, using her brother to get stronger.” Namjoon added. “But now she’s gone into hiding, how are we supposed to find her?”

Jimin joined in. “He’s right. She’s a step ahead of us every time. The property you were held captive in didn’t even belong to her but to our good old friend Hwang Jongsoo.”

“We have to figure out a away to lure her out but until then, I want you all to watch your backs. Keep your eyes open and stay alert, they can strike at anytime.” Yoongi stated. This was going to be the end of the attack on him, his family, and his business. He was going to make sure of it.

~~~~~

Jungkook sighed, leaning against the counter, taking extra care not to hit his arm, which was now in a sling. He was too distracted to notice a black car pulling up outside. It’s been weeks since that unfortunate day and the last time he seen you. He had left you in the care of Jimin, not thinking that he’d never see you again.

Thanks to Jimin, the bakery was back up on its feet and business was booming as usual. His grandparents had to hire new staff and Jungkook had to remind himself that it didn’t include you. Some days he found himself wondering when you were going to come in, only to remember that you weren’t.

“Dude, are you still hung up over that mobster chick?” Taehyung asked, nudging his shoulder.

Jungkook immediately straighten his posture. “W-What are you talking about? I was just wondering if she is okay. She was shot at too.”

“I can’t believe you were thrown in the middle AND gotten shot.” Taehyung scoffed, shaking his head. “Face it, man. That chick is too hardcore for you. Leave her to Min Yoongi.”

When the bell on the door rung out, everyone’s attention was drawn to it. There in the doorway, stood Yoongi with a few of his men guarding the entrance.

“Holy shit, dude! It’s Min Yoongi!” Taehyung yelled, ducking behind the counter, signaling for Jungkook to run.

As frightened as Jungkook was, he remained rooted to the floor, unable to move. Yoongi walked over to address him, standing on the other side of the counter.

“Are you Jeon Jungkook?”

“W-Who wants to know?” Jungkook had begun sweating bullets but tried to act unfazed in front of the crime lord.

“Me. I wanted to meet the man that saved y/n’s life.” His answered taking Jungkook by surprise which showed on his face. “It takes a good person to save a life but to sacrifice yourself to protect them, takes brawn.” Yoongi admitted.

“Well thanks but... I didn’t do much.” Jungkook was definitely taken back by Yoongi’s choice of words. Never in a million years would he ever picture a powerful mafia boss, thanking him for saving his girlfriend.

“Y/n told me what happened, Jimin too.”

“Y/n?! You mean, she’s okay?”

Yoongi nodded. “She’s fine but until things blow over, she will no longer be working here.”

He could tell that Jungkook was disappointed by the news and could only guess that your presence in the bakery brought others joy. Despite losing everything after what happened, the Jeon family still wondered about your safety. Yoongi wouldn’t dare separate you from them even if Sujin had stopped her reign of terror. If you wanted to work at the bakery again, Yoongi wouldn’t stop you.

“I’m sure you’ve taken notice, but y/n is a special person. She is someone I hold dear to my heart that I couldn’t imagine living my life with her. And for you to protect her and my child while I was away, means a lot to me. You and your family have my deepest thanks and will have my assistance whenever it is needed.” Yoongi pulled out an envelope from inside his black suit jacket and handed it to the younger man, along with his card. “If, by any chance, you need anything; here’s my number.”

Jungkook took it, smiling soon after. He watched as Yoongi walked out of the shop and gotten into his car. He and Jimin were supposed to be the most powerful, scariest men in the city, yet they came to him as if they were everyday men off the street, all because of one woman. Maybe Taehyung was right, maybe you were too hardcore for him. You had a power you weren’t even aware that you possessed.

~~~~~

While Yoongi’s parents were out for the day, you decided to make yourself lunch; seeing how you still couldn’t leave the property. With everyone busy, it was easy for you to feel lonely and you didn’t want to hold someone hostage over the phone just to ease your comfortability. Thankfully, Hyolyn was coming to visit once she left work.

You smiled at the thought of a girl’s night and hoped that Yoongi would let you out of the house for a couple of hours. Your smile widened, you couldn’t wait to see her and thought about hanging out at your apartment. There was so much you had to tell her. One of them being you wanting to tell Yoongi how you thought about moving into another house. You wanted her opinion as well as her thoughts on how Yoongi might reaction might be.

As you stood by the oven, stirring the contents inside the pot, a sudden feeling of discomfort came over you. At first you tried to shake it off; assuming it was just nausea but soon you felt lightheaded and couldn’t see clearly. Stumbling a little, you reached out for the counter in hopes to help you keep your balance but you felt weaker and weaker until it all faded to black.

~~~

Before heading to his club, Yoongi stopped by his parent’s house to check on you. He hated that you were left alone some days and figured that you didn’t like it as well. Maybe if he had time, he could stay until his mother came to keep you company.

When he entered the house, he could instantly smell something burning and walked towards the kitchen.

“Y/n?” He called but didn’t get an answer.

His heart sunk in his chest at the possibilities that something happened and walked even quicker. Yoongi found a pot on the stove with light smoke filling the air and rushed to turn off the pilot light before it could do more damage. Upon further inspection, he found your unconscious body on the other side of the island. In an instant, Yoongi was on the floor; trying whatever he could to wake you up. As panicked as he was, he tried to remain calm and keep a leveled head.

“Yoon... gi...” you mumbled as you tried to come to.

“I’m right here,” he held your head in his hands. “Try not to move, okay?”

In less than five minutes, paramedics were in the kitchen checking you over. You were alert but still felt a bit weak. They ask a series of questions while examining your head and body. Initially, they decided to take you to the hospital to make sure you and the baby were okay and Yoongi was right by your side.

His parents arrived as you were being loaded into the ambulance. His mother was out of the car in seconds rushing up to the scene.

“What’s going on? Is she okay?! Is the baby okay?!”

“I don’t know. I found her passed out in the kitchen. They’re taking her to the hospital to check her over.” Yoongi admitted, running his hands through his hair.

“I’m riding with her.”

His mother climbed inside followed by Yoongi while his father was escorted to the hospital by his car.

Everyone watched in silence as the doctor tried to locate the baby’s heartbeat. You nervously held Yoongi’s hand, unconsciously biting your lips to control your anxiety. You weren’t sure how long you had been out but you just hoped your baby wasn’t affected.

The strong rhythmic sound soon flowed through the speakers as everyone gave a sigh of relief.

“There he is,” the doctor stated proudly. He moved the machine and pressed against your stomach until you both felt the baby pushing back. “He seems fine; his heart is fine but we’ll schedule a few ultrasounds to make sure he is in top shape. If, by any chance, you feel a change in his movements or he stops moving, come back. But I’m sure he’ll be okay. For you, dizziness and/or fainting aren’t rare or uncommon during pregnancy. It comes when the baby puts pressure on your blood vessels. If you are feeling lightheaded, it’s good to have a seat until it goes away. Putting further pressure on your body can result in what happened earlier.” The doctor gotten up to leave. “I’ll keep you here over night and release you in the morning.”

Once you were moved into a room, Yoongi watched from the hallway as he spoke on the phone. He explained to Namjoon and Hoseok your condition and how he’ll be away for a few days until you get better.

“That’s some boy you have,” Jimin said, making his presence known as he stood next to Yoongi. “He’s been giving y/n a hard time since the beginning.”

“I guess I’ll have a little talk with him”, Yoongi teased with a light chuckle and a shake of his head. “Listen Jimin, I didn’t have a chance to say it before but I want to thank you for looking out for her. I understand it all now and why you were protective of her.”

“Y/n is as much of my friend as she is your girlfriend. I chose to look after her for her sake,” Jimin soon smiled, looking over at Yoongi. “And because a friend asked me.”

He returned his smile. “Thank you.”

Jimin shrugged. “What will happen now?”

“Until y/n is well enough, I going to take a break and I want you all to do the same.”

“You got it,” Jimin turned to walk away. “Give y/n my regards.”

You watched as Yoongi slowly walked into the room and up to the bed. He took your hand and kissed the back of it.

“How are you feeling?”

You cleared your throat. “I’m okay, although I was a bit scared of what happened. I didn’t know what to think.”

“You were scared?” He lightly chuckled. “I assumed the worse. I thought someone had gotten to you and hurt you.”

You didn’t laugh with him. Instead, your face held a serious expression. “Yoongi... what do you think about moving into a new house?”

“That’s random. Why suggest that?”

“It’s been on my mind for a while now. I just think that we need a fresh start, one where your enemies can’t find us so easily.”

Yoongi thought it over and realized you had a point. He didn’t want to risk your lives especially when his house was just shot up. “Is that what you want?”

You nodded with a smile. The talk went easier than you thought. Maybe the relationship has definitely taken a turn for the better. “I want us to be happy... and safe.”

~~~~~

You let out a sigh as you stood up straight with your hands on your back. The time has finally come and you had entered the last month of pregnancy. With how big your belly had grown and your son’s constant moving about, made you want to go into labor immediately. It was safe to say that you were over the feeling of being pregnant and wanted him out already.

Unfortunately there was still so much to do before he arrived. Although the two of you talked about moving, Yoongi has been too busy to take the initiative. The two of you returned to his house stay but during the day, you didn’t feel comfortable being there and stayed at his parents’ house until he finished working. However, Yoongi made it clear that you would no longer need your apartment and needed to cancel your lease. He planned on sending a few men to clear the place out but you had rather you been the one to do it, it being your apartment and all. Thus, here you and Hyolyn were cleaning and packing up.

“Who knew I had so much stuff?” You groaned, tossing your shoes in a box before letting out another loud sigh.

Hyolyn laughed. “You didn’t have to do any of this. I thought you said Yoongi was going to take care of it? He’s going to flip when he finds out, especially when he thinks you’re putting too much pressure on Jihyun.”

Jihyun... the name both of you were able to agree on after a week of going through baby names. It was a memorable week of randomly shouting out names at any given moment and having a debate over it. It didn’t matter where either of you were, if an idea came up; the two of you talked. Everyone had somehow gotten involved, giving their input from both sides.

You rolled your eyes. “Yoongi needs to loosen up a bit. He always thinks I’m doing something that could potentially hurt him. I can literally go to the bathroom and sit on the toilet and he’d lecture me for leaning over instead of sitting with my back straight. It’s as if I can’t do anything. Maybe he should be the pregnant one.”

“Now I’ll pay to see that.” She laughed and you joined her.

It would certainly humble him a bit. At first, you’d just argue with him about being so overbearing but when that didn’t work to get him off your back, you’d start crying to make him feel bad. It would work for the most part.

“Are you excited for shower?”

You shrugged. “I’m more excited to see my parents. It’s been over a year since I’ve seen them.”

“I know Matt is excited. It all he’s been talking about.”

“Hopefully, we can all get together for one day and nothing goes wrong.”

Hyolyn stood by your side. “You worry too much, y/n. Everything will be fine. Isn’t that right, Jihyun?” She rubbed your stomach. Seconds later, he responded by pushing back against her hand.

“Great! Now you woke him.”

“Aww! He just loves his aunt!” She gushed.

“In any case,” you spoke as you handed her car keys. “Let’s take a break and get some food, we’re both hungry.”

~~~~~

Yoongi checked his watch for the fifth time in less than two minutes. He was trying to exercise patience but being late was somewhat a pet peeve of his, especially for business meetings. However, this was different yet he still felt the same.

Instead of shouting out his frustrations, he marched upstairs to see what was taking you so long. He found you in the bedroom, staring between two dresses you had picked out. You really like the white one but everyone was ordered to wear some type of blue in their outfit; via Yoongi’s choice instead of black. You loved the color; you just didn’t like the type of dress it was.

He sighed, picking up your least favorite choice dress and putting it over your head, helping you as if you were a child. “You do know that we’re on the verge of running late because you can’t decide what to wear.”

You pouted. “But Yoongi, I don’t like this dress.”

“Then why did you buy it?”

“It looked a lot different in the store yesterday. I woke up and hated it and now you’re forcing me to wear it.”

When Yoongi noticed that you were about to start crying, he grabbed some tissue and handed it to you before going back to getting you dressed. By now, he was use to all your games and tricks. If you wanted to make him feel bad for a dress that you had bought, you’d have to do it in the car.

He helped you slip on your shoes then held onto your hand as he led you to the exit and out of the house. The baby shower was being held at his parent’s house and Yoongi was sure that you two were the last to arrive.

“Despite what you think, you look beautiful.” He commented, glancing over at you as you applied your lipstick. You mumbled a ‘thank you’ but he could tell that you were still upset over the dress. When you both made it back home, he’d have to make it up to you. That’s how most of the days ended when you were mad at him.

Just as Yoongi expected, everyone was waiting for you both to arrive for the party to begin. When you saw your mother, you cried as you hugged her for five minutes straight. You missed her terribly and wished they didn’t relocate so far away. Thankfully, they planned on staying until you had the baby which made your day so much better. The party soon began to thrive as everyone relaxed to celebrate. They ate, drank, and played games. The living room had become filled with gifts that they were all moved to a bedroom upstairs to make room for all the guests.

You were enjoying yourself a lot more than you did at your birthday party. Yoongi mingled around but he mostly checked up on you, making sure you were okay before walking away. You took a lot of pictures and mingled around, talking amongst your guests. You made sure to thank Jimin and Hyolyn for all of their support through the pregnancy. Of course they both waved it off, laughing when you suddenly broke into tears. You couldn’t help but laugh with them over your hormones which increased especially in your third trimester.

As the sun began to set, people soon started to leave until the house only held family. Yoongi shared a drink with his father, Matt, and your father while you and the other ladies stood nearby, talking.

“I can’t wait until he gets here!” Yoongi’s mother gushed.

“Please take care of my daughter and make sure she stays healthy.” Your mother told her. “It’s easy for her to focus on other things and put her needs second.”

“Mom! I am healthy.”

“Well how should I know? You don’t call me as often as you use to and I start to worry. Just because I’m away doesn’t mean you can’t visit. I expect to see my grandson regularly as well as pictures of him.”

“Jihyun is such a wonderful name. Have you both decided on his surname?” Yoongi’s aunt asked.

“Min,” Yoongi joined the conversation from across the room, unintentionally combining the conversation between both groups. “Min Jihyun.”

“Well done, son. He needs a strong name.” His father spoke.

“Wait a minute! We’ve never decided on whose last name he’s going to take.” You challenged, staring at Yoongi. The two of you held eye contact, silently having a conversation. You had a reason for why you felt the way you did.

“Of course he will take on his father’s name. It’s tradition.” His dad jumped in.

“Certainly a strong name but it depends on what tradition you are talking about.” Your father countered. The room suddenly became tense but the four of you weren’t backing down.

“Let’s not play dumb,” his father chuckled. “My family’s tradition existed for decades. It’s only natural for my grandson to take after his father as Yoongi will do with me.”

“Now see, we have a problem. Just as you already have a future mapped out for my grandson, I disagree with this tradition.”

“I think you’re the only one.”

“No he is not.” You challenged, standing up for your father. “Your last name, your tradition but he is my son too and last time I check, Yoongi and I haven’t decided his surname.”

“We didn’t talk about it but it should have been clear whose last name Jihyun will have.” Yoongi told you.

“And why is that, huh? What if I disagree? What if I want him to have my name?”

“Is there a problem with him having my name? Or better yet, do you have a problem with it?”

“Yes, I do!”

“Speak on it,” Yoongi stated with the cross of his arms.

But you weren’t; not after what happened when you blurted private matters out loud in front of people the last time. Instead, you looked around only to find eyes staring back at you; waiting for your answer that you didn’t plan on giving. You wanted to have this talk with Yoongi without any outside influences but you also weren’t going to let them gang up against your father who only was concerned about your son’s safety.

“Well... I’m waiting.” He tore you out of your thoughts with his sassy impatience.

“Who wants more cake?” His mother interrupted the intense atmosphere, balancing plates in her hands. Your mother was right behind her carrying plates as well.

Although you were happy for the distraction, you knew the conversation between you and Yoongi wasn’t over. Thankfully, it had worked and everyone had focused on something else. Yoongi had followed his father into his office while you eavesdropped on your mother scolding your father.

“I simply stated what was on my mind. What was wrong with that?” He asked taking a sip of his drink.

“If it’s between y/n and Yoongi, let them talk it out. You shouldn’t get in the middle.”

“Actually, I’m glad he did it.” You joined in. “It makes me glad that I’m not the only one who feels this way. Yes, I want Jihyun to be close with Yoongi, but I don’t want his life to be in danger because of some tradition. As his mother, I think I have a say on his life just as much as his father.”

“Exactly!” Your father exclaimed, causing your mother to sigh.

~~~

Twenty minutes later, everyone said their goodbyes. Matt and Hyolyn went home, your parents stayed at a nearby hotel; courtesy of Yoongi while the two of you headed home.

The car ride was silent as you looked out of the window in thought. Yoongi spent the rest of the party talking to his father; you could only guess what their conversation was about. With the way his father felt about you, you wouldn’t be surprised if his motives were to push you away after Jihyun was born.

Yoongi helped you out of the car and inside his house once you both made it to the property. He undressed you and himself, pulling you into the shower. You let him bathe you, washing off the soap after and even let him dry you off. Yoongi led you to the bedroom and laid you back on the bed before climbing between your legs. He made sure not to bump your stomach as he kissed along your neck. He was in the mood for sex; you, however, weren’t and Yoongi quickly noticed.

“Please don’t tell me this is about the baby shower.” He sighed into your skin.

“Yes, it is,” you nudged him off of you. “Just because you say something doesn’t make it set in stone. I have a voice too.”

Yoongi sat up and went into his closet to find clothes to sleep in. When he came out, he was dressed in pajama pants and had one of his flannel pajamas shirts and loose shorts for you. He helped you get dress before standing to his feet.

“Why don’t you use it and tell me what’s the problem?”

“The problem is that you and your family are doing everything to welcome Jihyun into your family while I feel left out. It’s not fair!”

He narrowed his eyes at you. “Are you really being that selfish and making everything about you? He’s my son; you shouldn’t compare yourself to him.”

“But I’m your girlfriend! We’ve been together for almost two years with a baby on the way. Is it wrong for me to want a little more? It’s like I have to settle for everything because you say so or go by your standards because you haven’t step up and made a move!”

Yoongi rolled his eyes and let out sigh but when he saw you wiping away tears, he went to get you something to help wipe them away. “Today is supposed to be special, you shouldn’t be crying. If this is about the dress, then I’m sorry.”

“Fuck the damn dress, Yoongi! It’s not about that!”

“Then what is the fucking problem?! I’m tired of playing these guessing games! Tell me what is wrong!”

“Does what I want even matter to you?!” You cried out. “I don’t want to live in this house! I don’t want to raise my son in this house and people have died here! But here we stay! Your enemies know where you live! Does that not matter to you?! They attacked me, they attacked you; are you waiting for something to happen to Jihyun?” Yoongi fell silent as he listened. “Today we argued over a last name for our son but you have yet to ask me to take on your last name. Do you know how embarrassing that is that I have to stand in front of family and friends and be known as the pregnant girlfriend?! Does that not matter either?!”

“Of course it does.” He finally responded but that was all that he said. Yoongi was unreadable sometimes and it drove you crazy. Sometimes you wish you knew what was going on inside his head; what his thoughts were.

You wiped your eyes and climbed into bed, feeling exhausted from getting nowhere with the conversation. “Let me make one thing clear to you, Min Yoongi. If we aren’t married, why do I have to give Jihyun your name? There’s really no need since his parents don’t share the title.”

~~~~~

The next morning, you had awaked to an empty side of the bed. Yoongi wasn’t there nor could you hear him in other parts of the house. He was gone but instead of letting it bother you, you gotten up and dress for the day. After breakfast, you had gone back to the bedroom to pack your things. If he wanted to continue living in this house then he could do it alone because you and Jihyun were finding a place of your own. You couldn’t help but beat yourself up mentally over giving up your apartment. Yoongi had you thinking different only to settle into his comfort zone.

Once it was all bagged up, you went to get a snack from the kitchen. You were honestly surprised when you heard the opening and closing of the front door in the process. You thought you had time to write out a note and make a clean escape to the hotel where your parents stayed but unfortunately, you didn’t.

Yoongi emerged from around the corner with a questionable look on his face; no doubt about why your things were at the front door.

“Going somewhere?”

“I thought about it.” You responded carelessly while throwing a couple grapes in your mouth followed by a sip of juice.

“There’s no need.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out something small.

You had trouble seeing what it was until he sat the little black velvet box on the island countertop and slid it over to you. You were impressed at the shining ring inside once you opened it. The ring itself must have cost a fortune. So that’s where he’s been all morning...

“What’s this?” You asked him.

“It’s what you wanted, wasn’t it?” Yoongi stated, taking off his jacket to get a drink from the fridge. “Now that you’ve gotten what you wanted, Jihyun can have my name. Everyone’s happy.”

And just like that, you lost your appetite. You closed the box and your eyes, taking a deep breath.

“Keep it.” Was all you had to say to him as you walked away.

“Hey!” He yelled after you, leaving him no choice but to go after you; grabbing the box off the counter. He followed you upstairs and into the bedroom. “What do you mean ‘keep it’? What’s the problem now? Isn’t this what you bitched about yesterday? And now you don’t want it? What the fuck, y/n!”

“Poor Yoongi, you think you have life all figured out, don’t you? You think you can fix any situation by throwing money at it or ‘buying’ what you want. My feelings are not for sale and I refused to be pacified.” You spoke as you maneuvered around the room with no specific goal in mind. “Did you know that one of your aunts asked me when we’re going to get married and all I had to say on the matter was a shrug. I didn’t bring up last night for you to buy a ring today but I can see your true intentions of why you did. Are my feelings that hard to read, Yoongi? Would you rather marry me for a name and not because you truly want to?”

“So now you’re trying to say that I don’t love you?”

“You’re certainly not acting like it. I want you to act like my opinions matter. Moving is one thing and a name is a fucking name but I wanted you to at least consider marriage. You only want to proceed with it right away if you can get what you want out of it. It’s insulting to me that you think I’m that stupid. So no, I don’t want the ring if it’s just your charity and your way of getting your way.”

~~~~~

Jimin had just come home and all he wanted was a hot shower, food to eat, and to relax a bit.

As he washed his hair, he thought he heard a faint noise and froze his movements to listen closely but the quietness of his house was all that answered back. He rinsed his hair and washed himself before getting out, wrapping a towel around his wet body.

Jimin walked into his bedroom and into his closet when he heard something else. Coming back out, he found a masked man; dressed in all black, standing in the doorway. Jimin was instantly caught off guard when he suddenly pulled out a gun and fired.

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rkwon · 5 years

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✦*⋆ JAN 1ST, 2019: ONE YEAR WITH WONGYU !

we're breaking free; we're soaring, flying, there's not a star in heaven that we can't reach. if we're trying, yeah, we're BREAKING FREE.

JANUARY 1ST, 2018: FIRST KISS & CONFESSION watching the fireworks together, new years eve ‘17.

“I’ll be your boyfriend. So… this means you’ll be mine, too, right? You’ll be my boyfriend? If so, I can promise that you’ll be the best treated boyfriend on the entire planet. I love you more than anything in the universe, Jeon Won.”

I love thee, I love but thee, with a love that shall not die. till the sun grows cold, and the stars grow old. — bayard taylor’s ‘bedouin song’. written in won’s journal january 2nd, 2018.

FEBRUARY 15TH, 2018: FIRST DATE a local arcade, evening time after work.

I love you with every piece of me. I will love and love and love until I have nothing left, and then, I will make more out of the nothing that lives where everything once did. I would dismantle me to put you back together again. — tyler knott gregson. written in won’s journal february 16th, 2018.

MARCH 24TH, 2018: CHOCOCON lost within coex convention centre.

“A drink sounds like a good place to start. I’m sure there’s water around here somewhere… Maybe we can snag a cup from someplace and locate a water fountain if there aren’t any bottles being sold. But yeah, I agree about taking the stuff home. I want to feed you chocolate and kiss your cute, perfect lips.”

of a youth who loves me and whom I love, silently approaching and seating himself near, that he may hold me by the hand, a long while amid the noises of coming and going, of drinking and oath and smutty jest, there we two, content, happy in being together, speaking little, perhaps not a word. — walt whitman’s ‘a glimpse’. written in won’s journal march 26th, 2018.

APRIL 6TH, 2018: MINGYU’S 19TH BIRTHDAY their bedroom, tucked in the safety of one another’s arms.

“Thank you… so, so much. It’s perfect, baby, all of it is. You make me so happy, I feel like I could cry. I love it. I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. I can’t wait to learn… there’s no better one… this is the best one. The best gift from the best boyfriend.”

I live within a safe and steady world, because you love me unconditionally. your easygoing ways mean that I'm blessed with peace and joy and blissful harmony. to me your birthday is a precious day; I hope it brings you joy in every way. — joanna fuchs’ ‘a birthday sonnet for my love’. written in won’s journal april 6th, 2018.

MAY 21ST, 2018: SUJIN & HYUNWOO’S WEDDING unusually comfortable suits, flowers tucked in pockets.

since there is no place large enough to contain so much happiness, you shrug, you raise your hands, and it flows out of you into everything you touch. you are not responsible. you take no credit, as the night sky takes no credit for the moon, but continues to hold it, and share it, and in that way, be known. — naomi shihab nye’s ‘so much happiness’. written in won’s journal may 24th, 2018.

JUNE 18TH, 2018: MGA AUDITION & START cj e&m building; shaken fingers, rapid heartbeats.

“I’m so, so proud of you. But, I’m tired, too… I’m also kind of hungry, though. Before going home, we’ll stop and get something to eat… then we can snuggle up and nap for the rest of the day. Sound like a plan?”

then slowly but surely over the weeks, in the gap a new tooth grew, and now it makes me wonder, if people are like teeth, too. — erin hanson’s ‘teeth’. written in won’s journal june 18th, 2018.

JULY 17TH, 2018: WON’S 19TH BIRTHDAY their bedroom again, nestled in warm sheets.

thank you. — jeon won. the entire entry written in won’s journal july 17th, 2018.

AUGUST 29TH, 2018: TWO-DAY-OLD ROYAL TRAINEES personal trainer gyu & exercise-phobe won tackle the gym!

“Hey, are you mocking me, Jeon Won? I’ll have you know that I would only do this simply in return for mere c-cookies for you. What’d you ask if it was again? Mates rates? I suppose it is.”

sitting next to you is like taking a sip of eternity, the sun, the stars, the sky, never tasted so good. — christy ann martine. written in won’s journal september 1st, 2018.

SEPTEMBER 8TH & 9TH, 2018: BUBBLE FESTIVAL & SUJIN’S BIRTHDAY holding hands on won’s third ( sorry, mum! ) favourite day of the year.

“You will. It’s effortless for you. All you have to do is spare me a glance that only lasts a second and you fill me with happiness, Jeon Won.”

how, when the chiding gale was still, when peace fell soft on fear, you stayed one golden hour to fill my dream with singing, dear. to-night the self-same songs are sung, the first green forest heard; my heart and the gray world grow young— to shelter you, my bird. — sophie jewett’s ‘to a child’. written in won’s journal september 10th, 2018.

SEPTEMBER 16TH, 2018: CARVING THEIR NAMES INTO WILLOW HALMONI following the royal ritual in the only way they know how— together.

“Kind of romantic, right?”

the woods are lovely, dark, and deep. but I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep. — robert frost’s ‘stopping by woods on a snowy evening’. written in won’s journal september 16th, 2018.

OCTOBER 28TH, 2018: FIRST FIGHT can’t sleep. it’s too cold without you.

“I wish I had someone to hold my hand, too. My naturally warm body feels awfully cold without you.”

I’m sorry. — jeon won. the entire entry written in won’s journal october 28th, 2018.

DECEMBER 25TH, 2018: CHRISTMAS after training, exchanging kisses & gifts.

sitting under the mistletoe (pale-green, fairy mistletoe), one last candle burning low, all the sleepy dancers gone, just one candle burning on, shadows lurking everywhere: some one came, and kissed me there. — walter de la mare’s ‘mistletoe’. written in won’s journal december 27th, 2018.

BONUS // CONTENT:

autumn vibes, october 22nd

pepero day, november 11th

healing kisses, november 12th

#rkmg #wn.hc #( you are the music in me. )#( first bit is a quote from mingyu )#( second is an excerpt from a poem chosen by won for his journal entry about that event! bc he's a big sap! )#( in the absence of a thread/solo; just won's poem! )

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cwkrp · 6 years

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have a little imagination, will you?

INTRODUCING son sujin, she/her, 17/12/95 COURSING ba in applied arts, second year AFFILIATION ursa ANNOTATIONS n/a

a note from the past.

TOKEN.

slender fingers combed through freshly dyed hair, a smile aimed at her from behind the barber chair.

“you look so beautiful, my love.”

it’s a compliment, so eight year old son sujin smiles back through the mirror. after all, a compliment is such a rare thing from her mother. she’ll take what she can get, even if it only comes after everything about her has been modified. if that’s what it takes, then maybe the change was needed.

heels clicking with every step and sneakers slapping against linoleum, a little girl trying desperately to keep up with her mother. she looks out of place next to her, a clumsy child with rubber bracelets and scabbed knees to accent her school uniform while the woman is anything but. she’s all elegance and curves accentuated by a tight red dress and red lips to match. they’re a site to see as son mirae guides her child into an expensive shop, littered with mothers and daughters who looked to be in the same boat.

“try this on,” she suggests, holding out a simple white dress to the schoolgirl. sujin takes it, albeit reluctantly, and lets herself be shown to a changing room. that’s where it begins. she exchanges her bland school uniform for something more glamorous and before she can even show her mother, more dresses are being handed to her through the curtain. galactic shades of blue and purple, oranges and yellows that could put the sun to shame. she’s made into a doll, so she might as well play dress-up.

“what is all of this for, mama?” she asks as they exist the store, now wearing a soft yellow dress and white wedges. she doesn’t quite like it and she’s found that walking feels weird when she isn’t wearing sneakers, but she doesn’t say that. how can she, when her mom is smiling so widely at her, radiating happiness? how can she ruin that?

she learns that it’s for a pageant. she’ll get to dress up like a princess. it will be fun. she’ll be the envy of all the other little girls. that’s what mirae tells her, anyway, and sujin still doesn’t say anything because that doesn’t sound very fun to her but she was never taught how to say no. even if she had, something told her it would be a losing fight.

one pageant turns into two, and then the number multiplies. she can’t eat her favorite foods anymore because she has to stay skinny. “it’s only until the next pageant,” her mother tells her, but the pageants never end and neither does the diet.

she blinks and she’s sixteen, a petite teenager in high heels and a pink dress, short in the front and long in the back—but it’s a little too short in the front, so she keeps tugging the hem down, but it just inches up more every time. in the end, she gives up and just smiles as she’s awarded with a crown, a sash and a bouquet of flowers.

“give it up for the beauty queen, son sujin!”

it’s a title that fits her, almost. it fits her soft smile and softer features, her pink lips and doe eyes. but it’s not who she wants to be. she’d rather be at home in sweats and a t-shirt, an easel in front of her and a paintbrush in hand. she’d rather be creating beauty than being judged for her own.

she doesn’t say anything, though, because no one had ever taught her how to speak up for herself.

STEREOTYPE.

she’s trying to study for the csat. she’s in her bedroom with the door closed, a compilation of edith piaf’s best hits spinning on her record player. she doesn’t mind studying, not really—it’s relaxing to her, in a way. it’s much more simple than anything else she could be doing.

but her peace doesn’t last for long. the music is drowned out by an incoming phone call and the ringtone is a stark contrast to edith piaf’s relaxing voice, so sujin answers as soon as possible just to get the person off her back. “what is it?” she asks, her voice tired. defeated, almost, although the conversation hasn’t even started yet.

“there’s a party tonight, sujin. go with us.” it’s one of her best friends and she can hear her other friends in the background, laughing among each other. no doubt getting ready for the party. “i don’t know, i’m studying for the…” she tries to explain, but she can’t even finish her sentence before her friend is speaking over her. “c'mon, it’ll be fun. don’t be a wet blanket. can’t you meet us at hyeri’s place?”

sujin says yes, but she means no and she meets them there at seven o’ clock sharp so they can all get ready together. after all, that’s what they want.

the party is loud and crowded, filled with people that she doesn’t know and people she wishes she didn’t. there’s a distinct stench of marijuana in the air and she tries to ignore it but it’s difficult when it’s in every corner, every crevice of the house. she resorts to standing near the dance floor, an unimpressed look on her face because her friends are nowhere to be found now and she doesn’t know what else to do. she isn’t a party girl. she never has been.

there’s a boy standing near her, his gaze lingering on her. predatory. he’s tall, dressed in leather and dark denim; a complete opposite to the petite girl in white. maybe that’s what gets his attention. he approaches her with a cup in each hand, filled with some mixture of alcohol that she’d never want to taste but when he looks at her with those deep eyes and asks if she wants a drink, she says yes even though she means no.

she takes one sip, and he takes a sip of his, and he asks her if it’s good. she says yes because she knows that’s what he wants to hear, and she’s right; he smiles then, and he tells her to drink up. she does, even though she hates the taste and it takes all the willpower she has not to spit it back out.

that’s how sujin’s story goes. every chapter is a series of “yes, yes, yes” even when she so desperately wants to say “no, no, no”. it’s the tale of a marionette and the strings which keep her bound, always grasped in someone’s hands other than her own, even when the puppeteer is unaware of the power they have over her.

a color for the present.

GREEN.

every time they pass the playground, sujin looks the other way. she’s tired of seeing mothers pushing their daughters on the swings and the merry-go-round, tired of seeing children playing on the jungle gym together. the worst part is that when they fall, they don’t frown; they just keep smiling, dust the dirt off of their knees, and get back to climbing. she knows it’s petty to be angry over such a thing, but it feels like she’s the only elementary school kid on the planet who isn’t allowed to play and she can’t help but turn green with envy when she sees them having so much fun.

when she’s in middle school, the father-daughter dance rolls around. it’s all her friends talk about and she wants so badly to go, to feel like she’s part of something, but she lacks one thing; a father. of course, her mother’s man of the month offers to go with her, but there’s something not quite genuine about it and she’s not dumb. he doesn’t want to go. he only wants to earn brownie points with her mother so maybe she’ll keep him around longer than the other men that she lets into her bed. sujin knows that, so she politely declines and he doesn’t push it.

then she’s in high school and she’s in her bedroom, watching some new drama on her television. it’s cute and she almost thinks it might be worth watching until it cuts to a scene of a family on vacation. there’s a mother and a father who appear to be so madly in love despite their three kids bickering in the backseat of the car. it instills a heaviness in her heart so strong that she reaches for the remote and turns the tv off.

as far back as she can remember, she’s always craved a family. maybe if she had a father, there would be someone to control her mother’s reckless spending, her mistreatment of sujin. maybe if she had siblings, she wouldn’t feel so much pressure to be the perfect daughter. maybe there would be someone that she could share her thoughts with, someone that could understand her.

and she knows that family isn’t perfect. she knows that there would be pointless arguments and misunderstandings would arise along the way, but if anything, that only makes her wish she could experience it more. after all, it has to be a step up from the lonely life she’s been given.

RED.

she’s a dreamer. it’s one thing that no one can take away from her—not because she’s fiercely determined, but because she’s quiet about her wishes. she keeps her daydreams under lock and key because she knows herself well enough to know that if someone tells her she can’t do it, she’ll give up.

but when she closes her eyes, she doesn’t see darkness. she sees paintings hung neatly on pristine white walls, floors so clean that the whole place seems to shine. she sees families, couples, kids, critics and everyone in between walking from artwork to artwork, observing. understanding. appreciating.

there’s one painting that sticks out to her, although it’s blurrier than the rest. she can’t quite see the contents and she can never seem to remember the colors, but there’s one part that’s crystal clear—her signature in the bottom right corner. it’s a new painting, freshly unveiled, and that fact doesn’t change no matter how many times she lets her mind drift away to this safe place. there are people crowded around this painting, voicing words of praise and admiration for the new artist.

for someone who doubts herself so much, this dream is one thing that she’s trying desperately to hold on to. trying to believe in. because if she lets herself have one goal for the future, then even the worst days don’t seem so bad. and almost, almost, her black and white world turns to color.

#cwk // profile #cwk // ursa

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saotome-michi · 7 years

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Top 10 Manhwa of 2016-17

I used to rarely read manhwa, maybe just one or two a year, but then I discovered Lezhin and Spottoon - online platforms that host Korean webcomics with English translations available. The first few chapters are usually free but after that you have to pay to read, which actually appeals to me because I like being able to support writers and artists. And even if you find the prices unaffordable, reading the free chapters still helps because you’re increasing the view count and their popularity. The only complaint I have is that the quality of the translations can differ greatly between series, especially on Spottoon. Sometimes it’s pretty good and sometimes it’s really bad.

Anyway, I’ve read so many manhwa this past year that I thought it’d be nice to make a manhwa rec list! Except for a few exceptions, I tried to only recommend series that have a good number of chapters out or that are already completed. These are my personal top 10. Enjoy!

10. Reversi (양극의 소년) by Eun Song

In the year 2016, a never before seen virus decimates 20% of the world population. Moreover, survivors of this virus either transform into man-eating creatures called “worms” or into super-humans with tremendous physical abilities called “heteros”. Over the years, heteros start the ISO, an agency that protects people from worms. Haru, our protagonist, is a young hetero who wants to join the ISO, but it may not be that easy or straightforward…

Once in a while I find a scifi-action comic that manages to capture my interest, despite me being rather tired of the genre as a whole. This manhwa is on this list more for its potential than anything else- there are only 37 chapters out and the story’s still in its beginning stages, but I think there’s a lot of good material that, in the right hands, can make for a really interesting and entertaining story.

Despite the impression the synopsis may give you, the story starts out in a peaceful privileged high school setting and you don’t get to the nerve-wracking parts until around chapter 25. But the beginning achieves its purpose. It sets the scene with its conflicts: the segregation of those infected with the virus and those uninfected, the mixed treatment of heteros, and the still-existing class privilege. It also sets up the main characters; impulsive but sincere Haru and his best friend, level-headed and determined Leo; the other heteros in their school year; and members of the ISO. We don’t know much about them, but again they’re intriguing and the rest can come later. It’ll probably take another 30 chapters or so before we can see whether this manhwa fulfills its potential or not, but take this as a heads up - this one just might be a winner. At the very least, the beginning’s pretty engaging. And with clean art that’s easy on the eyes, it’s definitely no chore to scroll through.

Warning: Blood, death, murder, violence, body horror

Available on: Lezhin (first 24 chapters are free). Not on scanlation sites yet.

9. The House Cat (상상고양이) by Kim Kyoung

(Also known as: The Imaginary Cat, Cat’s Imagination)

Cat lovers rejoice! Here’s another comic for you to read for your daily dose of cat shenanigans. “The House Cat” looks at Webcomic Artist Jong Hyun and his cat Bok-Gil (Jill in the english translation) - or as Jill would tell you, Cat Jil and her human who she allows to live with her. Like so, the comic presents their different viewpoints of their life together, with Hyun’s viewpoint on the left in red and Jill’s viewpoint on the right in green. The intersection between their viewpoints is cleverly done and will often leave you smiling one way or another. Cat owners will probably find many of their interactions familiar. On the other hand if you’re like me, you’ll start realizing that you are basically Jill and should’ve been born as a house cat instead of as a human. All in all, “The House Cat” is a pleasure to read and certainly not a bad way to pass the time.

Warning: Alcohol mention, brief depiction of pet abuse and neglect

Available on : Spottoon (first 4 chapters free). Was adapted into a kdrama called “The Imaginary Cat”

8. Peak (피크) by Hong Sung-Soo and Lim Gang-Hyuk

If “mountain rescue manhwa” stirs any interest in you, this may be the manhwa for you. “Peak” centers around Ryu Yeon-Seong, who’s been stationed on Mt. Bukhan to be a Rescue Ranger for his military service, along with four other men. The story follows his experiences as he learns what being a rescue ranger entails.

I initially didn’t have high expectations for this manhwa, but the realistic and suspenseful storytelling ended up impressing me. I always like it when manhwa go into the specifics of the particular subject they’re covering and “Peak” does that extensively - from what’s covered in training exercises to the challenges of navigating throughout the mountain in subpar weather to how to conduct oneself when administering first aid to fatal injuries. And except for a few brief respites, the pace is remarkably fast from start to finish, emulating the break-neck speed the rangers have to move to save lives. It would not be an exaggeration to say that I’m constantly sitting at the edge of my seat when reading this manhwa. The rescue missions themselves are no joke; from an accident in the middle of the pouring rain to a helicopter crash, this manhwa is constantly upping the stakes.

Personally, the art isn’t my favorite but it excels in two areas: conveying the physical exertion of being a ranger and the harshness of the mountain landscape. And when the story is all about survival, that’s really all that matters.

Warnings: Blood, fatal injuries, death, murder

Available on: Spottoon (First 30 chapters are free). 92 Chapters can be found on mangago.

7. The Sock Monster (양말도깨비) by Manmulsang

(Also known as: Socks Goblin)

Is it too much if I said “The Sock Monster” would rock your socks off? Ehehe :P

But actually, this is possibly the cutest manhwa I’ve ever read. From the art, which resembles something you’d find in a children’s storybook with its crayon lines and oil pastel backgrounds, to the story itself, a young girl making her way in a wintery town, “The Sock Monster” radiates a quirky fairytale sort of charm. It’s slow to start but when it finds its rhythm, it strolls off, as our plucky protagonist, Park Sujin, learns the ropes at BigFoot Bank, finds the Sock Monster living in her room, and befriends Mr. Lara, her cat-man neighbor whose dream is to explore the deep ocean. Despite its lighthearted tone, the manhwa ends up covering some surprisingly heavy topics from the tension between Big Foots and Humans to animal experimentation (in a world where animals are more like humans). But it does so in a tender sort of way, never losing heart or the hint of wisdom that comes with classical storytelling.

What the manhwa excels at especially is taking advantage of its fantasy world to sculpt all sorts of interesting plotlines for the characters. There is no limit to the creativity displayed. If children’s books and fairytales appeal to you, then you’ll probably appreciate the charm of “The Sock Monster”. Who knows, it might just become your favorite bedtime read. And you’ll probably end up cooing over how cute the sock monsters are.

Warning: Child neglect and abuse, animal cruelty, death

Available on: Spottoon (first 19 chapters are free)

6. Myojin Tales (묘진전) by Jelly Bean

A smallpox goddess steals an eye from a celestial god to help her sightless baby. A young boy wonders why his father doesn’t love him. A girl who’s lived a miserable life curses her capturer with her last breath. The celestial god, the father, the capturer - all of these titles refer to the same being: Myojin, a god who has been sentenced to forever live among humans as punishment for his crimes, forbidden to ever return to his former post as a zodiac deity. This is a compilation of the stories surrounding him and the people whose lives he’s touched.

This manhwa caught my attention with its art alone. Each panel is meticulously rendered in a style resembling traditional ink paintings, fitting for a story drawn from Korean mythology. Although the style is usually semi-realistic, like the panel above, when it comes to frightening and visceral scenes it leans towards abstraction. There is one particular chapter near the beginning that I could not read with the lights turned off. However, the story itself is also fascinating and from beginning to end, it reads like a folktale told from centuries ago.

Let’s get this out of the way - Myojin is not a likable person in any aspect really. But he, like everyone else, is both victim and perpetrator of unfair systems, and has the capability for both good and evil. Therein itself lies the core of this manhwa and “Myojin Tales” is ultimately a story of recognition and redemption, where there is no moral absolutes, but only the choices one makes in certain circumstances. If you’re a fan of mangas like Mushishi, this could be your next favorite.

Warning: child neglect, abuse, body horror, blood, murder, death

Available on: Spottoon. Normally only the first 10 chapters are free, but this week (March 18, 2017) the first 17 are all free!

5. Hwaja (화자) by Hong Jac-Ga

At 9 years old, Ryu explores “the Haunted House” in his neighborhood and meets Hwaja, a girl who looks a few years older than him. Hwaja never leaves the haunted house, except to sit on the rooftop, and spends most of her time drawing. Visitors, she says, have to bring her something, like food. Eventually, Ryu introduces his best friend Jay to Hwaja. She doesn’t seem like a ghost, but there is something is strange about her and the house…

At 19 years old, Ryu, who moved away and hasn’t been in the neighborhood for years, is struck with the news of Jay’s death. His last text message from him reads, “Don’t ever come back.” But Ryu does come back and sees Hwaja again…

As you can infer from the synopsis, there’s a 10 year time skip in the manhwa. Personally I didn’t find myself that interested in “Hwaja” until after the time skip (in Ch. 8), where the art style changes and things get a lot more intriguing. The art goes from crisp line-art colored in bright blues and greens to blocks of color in murky purples, browns, and blues, conveying the suspicion and suspense as Jay learns more and more about the truth behind Hwaja’s existence. The story ended up going places that I didn’t expect it to go and the ending was surprisingly heartfelt and touching. If you like ghost stories or just stories about the interaction between the supernatural and humans, give “Hwaja” a go.

Warning: Violence, child abuse, sexual abuse, rape, murder, kidnapping, death

Available on: Tapastic (Only the prologue is free). It can be found complete on scanlation sites on mangago. But if you end up liking it, support the author!

4. Hongdo (홍도) by snowy owl

In a world of shamans, gods, ghosts and other mystical creatures, the illegitimate son of a prominent general, Hong-do Lee grows up to be a powerful exorcist. When he decides to abandon his job, he becomes the target of bounty hunters and stumbles upon a plot that threatens his life and the fate of the world.

So begins Hongdo, a swashbuckling fantasy adventure that has gorgeous art and gives me Fullmetal Alchemist vibes if only because Hong-do is incredibly similar to Edward Elric, minus the insecurities about his height. That’s not to say that Hong-do is an Edward copy; he’s clearly his own unique character, but the style of humor is similar and the situations he gets into resembles the beginning of FMA, where Ed and Alphonse traveled around Amestris looking for strange happenings possibly caused by a Philosopher’s Stone- only in Hong-do’s case, he’s looking for a mysterious man named Crow. What for? Well, you have to read it to find out.

But although elements of the story are reminiscent of FMA, the exorcist practices and the setting that make up the backbone of the story is clearly based on Ancient Korean and Chinese mythology and history. Architecture, clothing, the gods and spirits, all are richly and beautifully illustrated. I have at least a dozen screenshots saved in my phone and my current iphone lock screen is a panel from Hongdo. The worldbuilding is fascinating to say the least and the story just gets more and more interesting as you go along. In short, don’t miss this gem of a manhwa.

Warning: Violence, murder, some body horror-ish stuff

Available on: Spottoon (first 9 chapters are free). Chapter 1-34 are on mangapark.

3. Dark Heaven (다크 헤븐) by JUNS

In the US, same-sex marriage has been legalized but racist and homophobic hate crimes still regularly occur. Connor is Korean-American, and together with his friend and lover Simon, they have a band called “Dark Heaven”. But things can’t stay this good forever. Fast-forward to the future and the band has split up. Simon is pursuing a solo career and Connor’s working as a writer in a news agency. What went wrong and can they be together again?

This manhwa pushes all of my buttons, so it’s no surprise that it’s on this list even though I’m only 15 chapters in. I mean, come on, a Korean-American protagonist? Check. Angsty Band Premise? Check. True love between two boys who care about each other so much, they find life lonely without having the other by their side? Check. And to top all of that, really good art? Check. Check. Check.

I think what’s so refreshing about this manhwa is that it looks at racism and homophobia and actually does a good job going about it. When Connor finds himself in love with Simon, he not only faces opposition from the outside, but also from the inside. Internalized racism and homophobia can be a bitch and the author does a good job depicting that with Connor’s struggles. And the love that Connor and Simon have for each other is just so touching, you can only fervently hope that they find their way back to each other again.

Warning: Homophobia, racism, racist and homophobic slurs, hate crimes, prostitution, child abuse, violence

Available on: Lezhin (first chapter is free). Scanlation sites only have up to chapter 5-6 I think.

2. Annarasumanara (안나라수마나라) by Ha Il-Kwon

Yoon Ah-ee struggles to keep her and her little sister fed, clothed, and sheltered, but that’s easier said than done, especially with her father’s debts weighing down on her shoulders. Her only hope is to keep her grades up so that she can go to a good college and then get a good job and become a good adult. But when she meets a mysterious magician in the abandoned amusement park, she’s reminded of her childhood dream to learn magic…

This has been on my “to read” list for years, but I’ve finally read it and I can only hit myself on the head for not reading it sooner. Annarasumanara is a story for those who have had that moment when, verging at the brink of adulthood, you’ve wondered “what is happiness”? Will going on this road that everyone has predetermined for me, “study hard, go to a good college, get a good job,” make me happy?

What happens if that’s not what I want?

The art here is unique to say the least. The author goes for a mixed media approach of combining drawings with photographs, which is not uncommon in Korean webcomics. What is uncommon is for it to be done well, creating stark, unforgettable imagery that, at times, blurs the lines between reality and construed reality. Which is exactly what this manhwa needs; after all it’s a story about finding real magic in what seems like a miserable reality.

Warning: Suicide Attempt, Violence, Sexual Harassment, Blood

Available on: Line Webtoon (All chapters are free!)

1. Vengeance (벤전스) by Aji

Have you ever really wanted a noir mystery about a female police detective trying to solve the case of her girlfriend’s murder? I did, I just didn’t know that I did until I started reading this and then I thanked the gods above for delivering my unconscious wishes.

Hyun Seol-ah is an experienced police officer who’s known for her cool head and rational approach in dangerous situations - but all that cool headedness goes flying out the window when she arrives at a murder scene and realizes that the victim is her girlfriend, Hwan Hara. From then on, she is focused on only one thing: finding the monster who killed her and then exacting revenge.

I know what you’re thinking… another sad lesbian story? Yes, it’s sad, but the relationship between Seol-ah and Hara is depicted so profoundly, you can feel how much Seol-ah loved Hara and how much Hara loved her in return. As Seol-ah chases down the murderer, we see flashback after flashback of their relationships, from the fights to the cuddles to the declarations of love. What makes this even more heartbreaking is that their relationship was a secret, and so Seol-ah must solve Hara’s murder while hiding that they were lovers.

But also, the art is fantastic. I could go on and on about it, but I think the panel above speaks for itself. Solid blocks of color used to great dramatic effect that mimics the atmosphere of noir films. Seriously, do not let this pass you by.

Warning: Murder, blood, body horror, homophobia

Available at: Lezhin (first chapter is free). You can also read the whole thing on mangago and then buy some chapters later on Lezhin to support the author.

#manhwa #comics #manga recs #manga #this has been sitting in my drafts for a loooong time #spottoon #lezhin

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thesinglesjukebox · 5 months

Text

RACHIKA NAYAR - "HAWTHORN"

youtube

It's rare for us to cover instrumental songs, but Nortey is making sure our bases are covered...

[7.38]

Nortey Dowuona: The first seconds of "Hawthorn" are looped guitar. They keep spinning in the back, a solid place to step on for the listener, just waiting for the song to begin, and slightly slipping beneath the newly added guitar and synthesizers, lush and full playing in a loop as well, then building and growing, smothering all other sounds beneath them. Meanwhile, the looped riff just keeps swirling in the left hand channel, waiting for the rest of the song to dissipate -- before it is immediately cut off. [10]

Ian Mathers: I liked the idea of Nayar's Heaven Come Crashing LP more than I actually wound up playing it, but what "Hawthorn" suggests is: A. I should give it another try B. maybe I like Nayar better at miniature length C. It's time for Caribou's Up in Flames (originally released when he went by Manitoba) to get another revival D. All of the above. [8]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: The best parts of Heaven Come Crashing were explosions of sound -- the breakbeat shattering the ambient guitars and vocals of that album's title track, the way drones and percussion creep in and envelop "Tetramorph" over the course of nine minutes. "Hawthorn" is too neat of a fragment to have quite that impact, but as Nayar brings in layer after layer of guitar she reaches some alternate catharsis -- less a breakthrough and more a resolution, everything in its right place for just a brief moment of grace. [7]

Kat Stevens: Very pleasant! A bit like when Karl H manages to persuade Rick S to let him do some guitar noodling in the middle of an Underworld album. [6]

Michael Hong: Gorgeous and glassy, yet I keep waiting, not for it to go somewhere, but for it to settle into stillness. [6]

Will Adams: The loops, the ascending chord progression, the build-up paced like a rising sun: I was surprised to learn that "Hawthorn" was released as a standalone single and not the intro of a longer body of work. But those intros are works unto themselves, too, and gorgeous is still gorgeous in isolation. [7]

Leah Isobel: My favorite Kate Bush song is "A Coral Room," for its drifty musical simplicity and complex emotional tenor, slipping gently between images and passages and memories. The question the whole song hinges on -- "What do you feel?" -- is both plainspoken and vast, impossible to answer. To write words on a page or musical notes in a sequence is to reach into the water and see what it's like. How does it feel? How does it feel? How does it feel? Earlier this year, I wrote about Vines' Birthday Party, a relatively experimental record for my listening habits; I spent weeks listening to it again and again in different settings, trying to come to a conclusion, pushing for an idea. I still think it eluded me, that I didn't have the capacity to get my hands around it. And yet it's slipped into my favorite records of the year, maybe because it's an outlier. I spent most of my formative years listening to either pop music or Pitchfork-approved indie rock, in the turn-of-the-decade boom times. That music worked to be articulated and likable because there was money to be made in it. Now, of course, everything is contracted. As a sometimes writer and occasional musician, I have (mostly) made peace with the fact that my art will not sustain me economically. I don't even know if I'd want it to. A music made to be monetized probably wouldn't hold what I'd need it to hold. In 2021, when I was living in New York, I met Rachika not at a show or via an interview, but through her day job as an electrolysis technician. She played incredible music while she worked. I didn't know that she was a musician herself until she told me about a show she was playing -- not as an invitation, just as idle chatter. I didn't go. Then I moved away, and then I found out that her music was incredible too. A cross-country move, two lost friendships, a new relationship, a new job, new and unformed ideas and fears and hopes: my context for "Hawthorn," inseparable from how it feels to me. The song curls upwards out of a maybe-sample, maybe-guitar, maybe-synth pulse; I'm stuck on the high plink that opens and closes the phrase, keeps the time, remains somehow unreachable. When the guitars and bass come in, folding and lacing around each other, that plink still sticks out, like the composition is either pulled in its wake or pushing towards the sound. It could be a radio transmitter or a metronome or a distant star, blinking, turning. It's corny to say but it pulls me, too -- whatever it is I'm searching for, however time reveals it or I distort it with my own insistence on rationalizing or controlling myself. I reach my hand into the water. What do I feel? What do I feel? What do I feel? [7]

John S. Quinn-Puerta: Catchy loops and post rock guitar that doesn't overstay it's welcome. It beats the sleepy allegations perfectly. [8]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

#rachika nayar #music #music writing #music reviews #music criticism #the singles jukebox #Youtube

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thesinglesjukebox · 4 years

Video

youtube

PHOEBE BRIDGERS - GARDEN SONG

[7.00]

And we managed not to write "tonic" or "balm"...

Vikram Joseph: The deep, soft ache in the bones of every Phoebe Bridgers song feels that much more poignant right now. The muted flicker of "Garden Song" sounds like an underwater pool sequence in a film, and plays out like a fractured montage, a string of unconnected visions and recollections which form not a narrative but rather an oblique window into Bridgers' psyche, a thousand stills coalescing into a single image capturing something devastatingly precise. The image of a movie screen turning into a tidal wave sticks with me, as does the strange, lovely line "The doctor put her hands over my liver / she told me my resentment's getting smaller." It ends by (probably inadvertently) echoing Billie Eilish -- "I have everything I wanted" -- in both cases, a line so loaded it weighs the song down like an anchor. It's hard to think of a voice in music that moves me more right now. [9]

Alfred Soto: It begins with a scratched, warped string loop. If we could see memories, they would also look scratched and warped. Gnomic lines ("The doctor put her hands over my liver/She told me my resentment's getting smaller") suit Phoebe Bridgers' furtive approach. She sings as if she holds secrets close, which can be off-putting. [7]

Michael Hong: Throughout "Garden Song," Phoebe Bridgers' voice seems to shake with nervousness, like every thought is sung apprehensively in case someone might overhear. The rest of the track takes shape around her voice, like a calming wisp of smoke, but that shakiness reverberates across, never letting the track fully form and creating the unsettling feeling that it'll blow over with the slightest draft. [6]

Katherine St Asaph: I think I just need my folk music to have venom and spikes. [5]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: "Garden Song" both succeeds on the virtue of and is held back by its skeletal nature. Its solo guitar and vocal arrangement (give or take a deep bass backing vocal) is less folky than ghostly, lending the whole song something the feeling of waking up from an afternoon nap in the sun, still dazed and incoherent but full of warmth. It's an insubstantial feeling, but Bridgers handles it well. [7]

David Sheffieck: Balancing halfway between unsettling and elegant, but teetering between the two; like a chaotic good take on an early Animal Collective track, this is beautiful even as it disorients. Bridgers starts out threatening to murder a skinhead and winds up in a meditation on aging and contentment; somewhere in between there's a kind of transfixing peace. [7]

Ian Mathers: It kind of surprises me each time "Garden Song" ends as soon as it does, because between the looped or almost-looped guitar (very soothing), the little bits and pops and crackles applied to it (somehow even more soothing) and how good Bridgers' voice sounds over it, I could easily sit here for another ten or twenty or thirty minutes, just letting the narrative unspool. It's the kind of song that briefly makes all other songs feel slightly awkward because they're not just further unfurlings of this beautiful, melancholy thing. [8]

Alex Clifton: It's the musical equivalent of Lady Bird, which is to say it's a beautiful collage of memories related to change and growing up and finding yourself, but I will cry if I think about it too much. [7]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

#Phoebe Bridgers #indie rock #rock #music #music review

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silhouetted-beauty · 5 years

Text

“Run In: Fate” - Part 6

Genre: STRONG ANGST!

Warnings: Mentions of torture, gore, death, and miscarriage)

Word Count: 6.6K

“Hey, Yoongi. It’s Hoseok. Give me a call back, there’s something I want to go over with you before today’s meeting.”

“What up, stud! Hoseok and I are waiting at the club. Wake up, lazy, and get your ass down here!”

“Yoongi, hun, answer the phone. This is my third time calling you, please answer. Don’t make me have your father send for you. Pick up your phone!”

“Yoongi... its Jimin. I just spoke with Namjoon, he said you missed today’s meeting. What’s up with that? If you needed me to go on your behalf, all you had to do was ask... well, just give me call when you get this message.”

“Son! Answer your phone, this is important. I received some disturbing news and I’m having my men stop by your place to check everything out.”

“Yoongi... please answer. I’m sorry you’re mad at me but please come home. I know it was selfish of me to keep you in the dark but please come back so we can talk about it... please... I just want to know that you’re okay.”

The first day of not hearing from Yoongi didn’t upset you like the following days but you cried all the same. You knew Yoongi was pissed at you and didn’t want to talk to you. It actually scared you that this was the beginning of the end of the relationship. Yohan brought you food yet you didn’t have the appetite to eat and how could you? Yoongi wasn’t there and on top of that, he hated you.

When a series of black cars crowded the Min property, everyone knew it was important. It was best not to interrupt what was going on as several men dressed in black stormed the house, escorting one person. You had stayed hidden in Yoongi’s bed, trapped under the blanket until his mother came to free you.

“Get up, y/n! This is ridiculous!” She stated, pulling the covers off of your body. “Yohan called and said you weren’t eating. How long do you plan on staying in bed?”

Your eyes watered as you covered your face and sobbed. “But it’s all my fault! Yoongi ran away and now he’s not answering my calls.”

His mother sighed, sitting on the bed and rubbing your back. “You’re not the only one he’s mad at. He’s not responding to my calls and messages either.” She offered. “Just give Yoongi some time. When he is done behaving like a brat, he’ll emerge like a kid who has been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.”

You wiped your face and looked up at her. His mother was so stunning but you also envied her strength. You knew she was hurting just the same as you, if not more, at Yoongi’s absence. She was worried but tried her hardest to hide it for your sake.

You had gotten dressed for the day, wearing clothes that were a bit more fitting. There was no point in continuing to hide your pregnancy now that it was out.

You had found his mother in the kitchen, talking with Yohan. When you entered, they both went quiet. His mother stared at you with hard eyes; you could almost feel the frustration in them.

“Yohan will make something for you to eat and you will eat it, y/n.” She commanded. “You are carrying and caring for my grandchild and I want him or her to be healthy. No more starving yourself.”

“But... I wasn’t... Yoongi...” you answered brokenly as you fought to hide your tears.

“He will be okay. His father is on his way back to town. We will find him and drag him out of hiding.”

Just hearing the reassurance made you feel a little better. But what will happen when he comes home? Would he even come home? Is this the end? You ate what you could before heading to work that day. Knowing that within a few days, Yoongi would be back at home and hopefully then, the two of you could find some kind of understanding.

~~~~~

“I’m sorry, sir, but there’s nothing to go on.” One of the men told his father. “Your son’s cell phone signal cuts off after a few blocks from his house. His friends are still checking all places he is known to go. Maybe they’ll have better luck than we did.”

Yoongi’s father thought hard, rubbing the hair on his chin. It wasn’t like Yoongi to be this hard to find no matter if he was mad or not. His wife had told him all about the other night at the party. He had come home the moment he couldn’t get in touch with his son. Even now, he had been home for less than twenty four hours, and yet he still couldn’t find one sign of Yoongi. He had a bad feeling about this.

~~~~~

“Yoongi? It’s Hoseok. Namjoon and I have been trying to get in touch with you but we keep getting your voicemail. If it’s about what happened at the birthday party, don’t let it affect your work. Your father came home and is looking for you. Give us a call back...” he sighed. “Look, just let me know that you are alive.”

Hoseok ended the call just as Namjoon gotten into the car.

“Any luck reaching him?”

“Nothing.” He responded, causing Namjoon to sigh. “What do you think is going on? Do you think Yoongi is in hiding or... something worse?”

Namjoon slowly shook his head. “It’s hard to say. When we last saw him, everyone was public enemy number one. But this is Yoongi we’re talking about. No matter how mad he was, he wouldn’t go days ignoring his parents or be this hard to track down. I hate to say it but something else is going on.”

~~~~~

Yoongi woke up on his couch to the sounds of a crying baby. He slowly shook his head, realizing that he had woken up from a nightmare. Getting up, he followed the cries up the stairs, through the upper floor, and into a room he never knew was decorated in baby decor. There you stood over the crib, soothing the small child until she fell off to asleep. Yoongi approached you, wrapping his arms around your waist, resting his head on your shoulder, and staring down at his daughter.

She was so beautiful with a head full of dark hair and round face like his own. Her tiny mouth parted, releasing light coos of peacefulness. Yoongi couldn’t help but smile looking down at her. He knew that she would occupy the space in his heart, right along with her mother. But when he leaned away to look at you, he noticed that your appearance had changed. Your hair was long and dark and it made him take a few steps away. You turned your head, sensing a change in his demeanor. Yoongi took an inhale of breath, because the face he was looking at was not the face of his beautiful girlfriend but his ex.

“What’s wrong, baby?” She teased with a smile. “Cat got your tongue?”

“Mina?” He asked in shock. “What the hell are you doing here?”

She turned around to fully face you. “What are you talking about, Yoongi? I live here. We live in this house together. Me, you, and our daughter.”

“Y/n... where is she?” He asked not believing a word she was saying.

“How hard did you sleep, baby? Did you forget everything while you were asleep?”

“I’m not playing games, Mina! Where the fuck is she?!”

Mina rolled her eyes with a scoff. “She’s gone. Out of our lives for good.”

“Why?”

Mina walked across the nursery, organizing the changing table as she spoke. “Well, after she had aborted your baby, you were angry and drunk and came to me. We had passionate sex and afterwards I became pregnant.”

Yoongi couldn’t believe his ears. There was no way it was true. You weren’t gone, there was no way in hell that he would leave you and settle down with Mina.

“In any case, I’m glad she did it. I would have had to do it for her, especially after seeing that she was pregnant by you.” Mina continued as she turned around to face him with a gun in her hand, raising it in the air. “Only I can be with you. Only can I can have your baby. Only I can be your wife. Only I can have you!” And with that, she pulled the trigger.

Yoongi awoke from his unconscious state at the touch of cold water hitting his body. He slowly raised his head, watering dripping from the tips of his damp hair. He was sitting upright yet he couldn’t move; his hands and legs were bound to the chair he was sitting in. He came face to face with his captors in the room, none of which looked familiar. They stood around staring at him as if they wanted to make a move but were under strict orders not to.

Suddenly, the door open to the room and in walked two more to join the party. A woman’s heels could be heard clicking on the floor. The way she was dressed screamed ‘money’ and she walked as if she was of great importance. Yoongi studied her features, narrowing his eyes at her. It wasn’t her long dark hair or her red lipstick covered lips that kept his attention, but her eyes. Something in them, he felt as if he knew them somehow.

She smiled. “That’s very perceptive of you, Yoongi. Let me easy your conscience and let you know, we do share a past.”

A single eyebrow rose on his forehead. “We do, huh?”

“Of course.”

“And that fact alone gave you permission to kidnap me?” He stated in a deadpan voice. Who knows how long he’d been held captive. Everyone must be looking for him and you... he averted his eyes away at his last memory of you.

She placed her hand on her chest. “I’m sad to admit that I’m hurt you don’t know who I am.” She shrugged. “But I guess that comes with preeminence and ignorance. I shouldn’t have expected you to remember, especially after you slain my brother.”

It was then that Yoongi remembered. It clicked and he suddenly remembered who she was. All the memories of when he was younger came flooding back.

“That right, Yoongi. You thought correctly. Frankie was my brother. I am his little sister, Oh Sujin.” She stated proudly. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to hunt you down and execute you like you did my brother, at least not yet. No, I’m much more fair than that.”

“Then what do you want?” He asked unmoved.

“You know, my mother was deeply hurt when Frankie’s body arrived on her doorstep. The funeral was equally depressing, in case you wanted to know... I’m sure you don’t even think twice about it.”

Yoongi remain quiet, only staring a hole through her face. Sujin motioned to the tall man beside her. “This is Kun Insu. He is the muscle behind all the explosions you’d experienced with your business. He is also my right hand man.”

The mention of his business, made Yoongi’s blood boil. All of the money he lost, and not only that, all of the bodies he had to bury because of a woman who wanted to fuck with him.

“If this is some revenge scheme to avenge that dumbass-“

“Revenge is the furthest thing from my mind.” Sujin stated, walking closer. “Frankie was, in fact, a dumbass so it was no surprise to me that it happened. But I’m not here for that.”

“Then once again, what do you want?” Yoongi asked with anger in his voice. It earned him a punch to the face by Insu. Sujin walked away, turning her back to the scene until it was done.

“What I want is very simple... I’ve come to take over.”

“Like hell!” Yoongi yelled but all it did was earned him another beating.

“Unfortunately for you, you heard correctly. I’ve come to take over the city.” She walked back over to him, bending over to look him in the eyes. “You see Yoongi; I inherited money and decided to make investments, building a bigger portfolio. Starting a business of my own and collecting clients was just the start. Even with the help of some of your clients, I was able to gain more power.”

“Hwang Jongsoo.” He mumbled.

“He was one of the many men I secretly had working for me. Unfortunately, I had to terminate my contract with him sooner than I had wanted. He was an excellent service dog.” She teased. “Anyways, my empire is advancing but there’s just one problem stopping me from reaching the top... or should I say someone.”

“Well, get in line.” Yoongi smirked, spitting out blood. “Do you know how many people are waiting on the day my business fails, but let me ease your conscience and let you in on a little secret... I’m not going anywhere and neither is my business. The Min cartel is the biggest syndicates around. I’m not easily defeated.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, baby.” She said seductively. “I’m not waiting in line or let others claim what is rightfully mine. You will sign off your company, giving it to me.”

“Why don’t I tell you were to stick your grand ole plan instead?” He replied smartly. “It’ll be a cold day in hell before I give you a penny.”

Sujin sighed, addressing her right hand. “Insu.”

He delivered a punched to Yoongi’s stomach, causing him to lean forward and when he did, Insu kneed him in the face blooding his nose. He continued by delivering punches to Yoongi’s face until Yoongi sat leaking from his wounds.

“Why don’t we talk again when you’re less hostile.”

The door opened and Sujin walked out, followed by Insu and their other men. Yoongi was left in a dark room, battered and sore.

“What makes you so sure he will hand everything over?” Insu asked. Sujin simply smirked.

“Because I have an ace in the hole. The ultimate plan to bring Min Yoongi to his knees and bowing before me.”

~~~~~

No matter how sick you felt, you forced yourself to eat. If you didn’t, Yoongi’s mother had people report to her on your condition. She couldn’t let you worry yourself sick thinking about Yoongi but what could you do? He had been missing for a week and a half. The thought of him in hiding was thrown out and replaced with something more sinister especially when his video surveillance showed him getting picked up by a black van outside of his property.

The details of the car were too grainy to pick up as well as who had him but his family finally knew what had happened to him and they order Hoseok, Namjoon, Jimin, as well as anyone else not to tell you about it. Yoongi’s mother didn’t need you to worry anymore than what you were doing. As much as she didn’t want to, she had to think realistically. If whoever this was planned on killing her last son, she needed a piece of him to live on.

She had begun staying at Yoongi’s house with you in the case you needed her. On the positive side, this situation made the two of you closer which brought you comfort, seeing that your mother wasn’t there to go to for support. Eventually, you gave up all negative thoughts you had about your pregnancy and beginning thinking of what you had. Never ending support, friends, and a child that will grow and depend on you. Now you were giving Yoongi a choice. If he wanted to be there, he was welcome with open arms but if not, you would begin building your world without him. A sad thought, but his mother was right. This was about you and you had the right to make decisions concerning your life and health.

That particular day you and her had went grocery shopping for dinner once you had gotten off work. You walked down the aisle, pushing the cart as she placed items inside. She planned on cooking her famous soup which she had learned to make from her mother.

“Wait right here, y/n. I’ll go get the chili paste for the sauce.”

As she walked away, you looked around before glancing at your stomach. You had already reached five months and you could actively feel the baby moving around. You smiled rubbing over your bump.

“Are you excited to try grandma’s soup like I am? I bet your dad ate it all the time growing up.”

When you felt something hit your cart, you looked up; ready to apologize until you realize who it was. In fact, the shock hit you both at once.

“Mina.” You mumbled angrily.

“It’s nice to see you too, y/n. Or shall I call you by the name you’re use to which is ‘whore’?”

“Still bitter, I see.”

“Not as bitter as you were when Yoongi put you in your place for me.” She countered with a smirk. “Get use to that. All dogs have to follow orders eventually.”

“And what was your excuse? Clearly you have no home training, shooting someone when things don’t go your way. That will be a life lesson you’ll have to get use to. Yoongi won’t be able to solve your problems for you.”

“Speaking of, when was the last time you seen Yoongi?”

You were initially taken back by the question but tried not to play into whatever she was planning. “Why are you so interested in my relationship with your ex boyfriend? If you must know, Yoongi and I are great and have great news you may enjoy.” You moved to the side and rubbed your stomach, showing off your baby bump. “We’re having a baby.”

The look on Mina’s face was as satisfying as you imagined it would be. She looked like a deer caught in headlights and rightfully so. This was another thing you had taken from her; a chance to have Yoongi’s baby.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, Miss Choi. My mother in law is waiting on me.” You walked away but stopped to add. “Try not to take the news too hard.”

You walked away to find Yoongi’s mother but if you were honest with yourself, that little confrontation; even though it didn’t last long, didn’t make you feel good. In fact, it made you feel the complete opposite, bringing forth your insecurities. Why would Mina bring up Yoongi’s whereabouts unless she was hinting at something? Had he been staying with her this entire time? The two of them were left alone even after you had arrived to the diner. What was said to make Mina believe that she had the upper hand concerning your relationship?

“Y/n?” His mother called after she found you staring off. “Are you okay?”

You nodded, giving her a reassuring smile but once she turned away, your smile faltered. You didn’t want to feed into it but the thought wouldn’t go away. Even after you both made it to Yoongi’s house and you were both eating the stew she had prepared, it wouldn’t go away.

“Mrs. Min, you wouldn’t lie to me, would you?” You asked her, catching her off guard as you helped her wash the dishes.

“Of course not, sweetheart. Why do you ask?”

“Well I saw Mina today at the market and she had mention Yoongi. Asking me when was the last time I’d see him.” Your admission made her straighten her posture.

“What did you tell her?”

“I didn’t tell her anything except for the fact that I’m pregnant.” You paused. “Do you think he’s-”

“Enough of that.” She scolded you. “You should know Yoongi better than that. Despite being mad, I doubt he would turn to Mina, out of all people, for support.”

“It’s just that, what if Yoongi doesn’t forgive me? What if he doesn’t come home and our last conversation will be the last things we ever say to each other?”

“Y/n, I’ve told you. Yoongi-“

“You don’t have to lie to me, Mrs. Min. I already know.” You interrupted. “I know that Yoongi is missing.”

“Who told you? Did someone tell you?”

You shook your head. “Yoongi would never go days, let alone weeks, ignoring you. He’s selfish but not that careless. If he didn’t want to see me, there were many ways to do it and still communicate with you guys. But since he hasn’t done that or came to work, Yoongi has to be missing.”

She let out a sigh, rubbing her hands through her hair and down her face. “You don’t know how hard this is for me. Losing one son and possibly, losing another. Besides my husband, Yoongi is all I have. I... I can’t lose him.”

You hugged her tightly. “You have me too,” You sniffed. “And a grandchild that will love you just the same as its dad did.”

She wiped her eyes and let out a chuckle. “Yoongi would be proud.”

You nodded in agreement. The two of you finished cleaning up and you excused yourself for bed. His mother watched you walk upstairs and disappear around the corner. She listened for the door to close before pulling out her phone.

“Namjoon, sweetheart. Meet me at Yoongi’s house in twenty minutes.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Everything is fine. Also, look up what you can about Mina.”

~~~

Less than an hour later, both Namjoon and Yoongi’s mother were knocking on the door of an apartment in a quiet neighborhood across town. Mina opened the door and froze in place at the sight of her guests. Maybe Yoongi was serious about not speaking to you. Perhaps you had went home and told him about the exchange.

“Good evening, Mina. Sorry to intrude at this time of night but I would like a word with you.” His mother spoke. Mina was hesitant at first but she opened her door wide and invited them both inside.

“S-Sure, come on in.”

She motioned them to a couch before taking a seat opposite of them. “Would you like me to make you something to drink? Or get something for you to eat?”

“No thank you, we won’t be staying long. I actually had something I wanted to ask you and I want the honest truth.”

“Okay.” She answered, unsure of what it could be.

“Earlier today, you had exchanged words with y/n, asking her when the last time she saw my son was. Why?”

She put her hands up in defense. “I just wanted to tease her that’s all. Yoongi had told me not to speak to her but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to mess with her.”

His mother felt somewhat disappointed. “So you haven’t seen or spoken to Yoongi?”

Mina shook her head. “No, why?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Namjoon answered quite harshly, but his mother placed a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s okay. It wouldn’t hurt for her to know, perhaps she may know something. Any little detail could help.”

“Know what?” Mina asked.

“Yoongi is missing. The last time anyone has spoken to or seen him was almost two weeks ago.”

Mina placed a hand on her chest. She couldn’t believe the news and hoped it was some joke. Yoongi couldn’t be missing. There had to be a mistake.

“No, not Yoongi.” She mumbled to herself.

“Yes, well, we came because I thought you may have known something but I was mistaken.” She went to stand but Mina held onto her hand.

“Mrs. Min, I know I’m not your favorite person right now but I am truly sorry for what I’d done. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t relive that moment. If I could go back, there are a million things I would have done to change the outcome.”

She smiled, releasing her hand from the grip it was in. “Whatever agreement you have with my son, I will respect his wishes and not get in the middle of it but I will say this...” her smile vanished. “Don’t step out of line. Even though Yoongi isn’t around, I’m fully capable of taking out the trash for him.”

She walked to the door, having Namjoon escort her out.

~~~~~

You walked down the street, staring at the ground as your feet appeared out in front of you. Eventually, you kept walking until you bumped into something hard. You stumbled backwards until hands shot out to catch you and that’s when you realized, you hit someone; not something.

When you looked up, your eyes watered when you saw his familiar dark cold eyes staring back at you. Yoongi smirked; using his thumb to wipe away tears that you didn’t know had fallen.

Taking your hand in his, he led you down the street. A woman with long dark hair appeared out of nowhere and stood by as you and Yoongi enjoyed the scenery. He was the one who noticed her first as he turned to face her. You held onto his arm, watching as the two of them had a stare off. An uncomfortable feeling came over you when you tried to speak but nothing came out. This caused a smile slowly appeared on the woman’s face. Just as Yoongi turned to say something to you, the sky darkened and blood poured from his mouth. He walked towards her, breaking the hold you had on his arm.

You wanted to go after him but you were rooted in place, unable to do so. His body suddenly crumbled into pieces before disappearing out of view, leaving you and the woman to stare at each other. For some odd reason, her face became blurred from your view as nothing but her lips was the only thing that was visible. Her mouth opened and your entire world began to crumble and fall apart. Blood poured from her mouth, spilling out in a nonstop fashion like a broken faucet. You tried to cover your ears but noticed your hands were covered in blood. Something felt wrong, something felt very wrong.

When you looked down at your stomach, you noticed how flat it was and not only that, a pool of blood stained the white dress you were wearing, right between your legs where the baby would have been.

“No!” You cried as you began to fill with fear. “NOO!”

You try to run away but no matter how far you ran, the woman would only get closer. You cried harder as pain surrounds your lower half. It had gotten to the point where it felt as though your insides were falling out. Placing your hand between your legs, you felt something there. As scared as you were, you kept your hands in place until you felt something solid, fall into them. When you looked down, you held a dead baby in your arms.

“NO!” You screamed as you cried.

“NO! YOONGI!” You screamed into the night, throwing yourself out of your sleep state. You scurried out of bed, stumbling as you tried to escape your thoughts. The cold air blew the tears that were streaming down your face. Despite being awake, it was as if you were still dreaming and you had to get away.

Yoongi’s mother and Namjoon were up talking when they both heard your screams. They quickly stood to their feet, ready to go to you until you suddenly came into view. Namjoon held on to you tightly to keep you from running out of the door. He was having trouble holding you due to your stomach. He didn’t want to risk restraining you and hurting the baby.

“Y/n, calm down before you hurt yourself.” He stated, holding your head in both hands but you tried to break away. He could see the fear in your eyes and wondered what had scared you so badly. “Listen to me! Everything is okay, alright! You’re okay; everything is okay.”

When you finally found your voice, you could barely form a coherent sentence. “Yoongi... Yoongi! Blood! The baby... the baby!-“

“Is okay, y/n. See, take a look.”

You were afraid to look down for fear that nothing would be there but blood. You screamed out, begging for him to let you go before she came to kill you. Yoongi’s mother took over, holding you in a warm embrace until your crying slowly dissipated. Neither one of them had never seen you so frightened before. It seemed as though you were taking Yoongi’s disappearance the hardest.

She brought you to the couch, rubbing your back as you hiccuped through your breathing.

“Now talk to me.” She demanded. “What just happened?”

You took a deep breath as you thought of how to explain it. “I-I’ve been having nightmares and it’s been of the same dream.”

“What is it about?” Namjoon asked, after taking a seat on the other couch.

“It starts off with me and Yoongi. Everything is fine until a woman appears but I can’t see her face.” You took a deep breath. “She’s just there and Yoongi leaves. He tries to talk to me but I can’t understand him because blood is leaking from his mouth.”

His mother and Namjoon share a glance before turning their focus back on you.

“It’s the same with the woman. Every time she opens her mouth, blood comes out but whatever she says destroys everything.” Yoongi’s mother feels you tense up.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. Go on.”

“This time, she is after me and I give birth to a dead baby. The blood of the baby is on my hands. What does it mean?”

“Nothing,” His mother spoke up. “It was just a dream. Nightmares occur from any worries you are experiencing. Before you went to bed, we did have that talk about Yoongi. You are worried about him just like we are but it is important not to stress yourself. You are okay and the baby is okay. We will find Yoongi and we will get him back.”

~~~~~

The door open and in walked Sujin inside the room with Insu following behind her.

“Okay, Yoongi. Let’s try this again.”

It has now been week three since she had been trying to get him to break but nothing was working. His face was all bloody and battered as he sat against the wall with his hands and feet tied down. Sujin roughly grabbed him by his hair, making him look her in the eyes but also made sure not to get any blood on her outfit.

“Wow, Yoongi. You’ve grown up nice.” She said with a smile. “It’s hard to believe that you were the kid that all the boys wanted to be. But I have to admit, you look very handsome now.”

Yoongi still refused to say word, causing her to shove his face away.

“I have to admit that my patience is running rather thin with you. Now I have no problem keeping you locked away for as long as it takes but you have to give me something for my wonderful hospitality.” She teased. “What do you say, Yoongi? Are you ready for this to be over?”

When Yoongi nodded, she let out a relieved sigh. Now was finally the day to get what she wanted. She would run the city and everyone will know her name. All the lowlife mobsters would have to work for her. She will have everyone eating out of the palm of her hand.

“Go... go...” Yoongi struggled to say. “Go to my club office... You will find a big hard statue, why don’t you fuck yourself on it.”

Insu moved forth and delivered blows not only to Yoongi’s face but his abdomen. At this rate, he’d rather be beaten to death then to give up his empire.

“That’s enough, Insu!” She yelled, causing him to stop immediately. “If Mr. Min wants to play hardball, then so will we.” She stared down at him. “I want you to take as many men as you need and head to Mr. Min’s house. I want you to kill everyone who is there. Don’t come back unless everyone has been executed.”

Insu didn’t waste a second and left the room immediately. He and ten other men were in the car and heading to Yoongi’s property. On the way, they prepared their weapons for war. It was going to be bloodbath. The type of gun and bullets he carried, we sure to cause extreme damage to its target.

“Now that we’re alone, I’ve got something special planned for you, Min Yoongi.” Sujin spoke as her men drug Yoongi out of the room and into a much larger one, filled with different devices. “These are my babies. Torture devices that I had made myself, I’m very proud of them. Not one man, who has experienced them, lived to tell about it. Maybe you could be the first.” She stated.

At the admission of her words, her men and grabbed Yoongi and strapped him down to the first machine. Sujin took a warm wet towel and wiped away the blood that dripped down his face. She cleaned him up until his skin was clear of everything except purple bruises.

“I want to see how much blood you will lose by my hands.” She stated, leaning close to look him in the eyes. “Let’s begin, shall we?”

~~~~~

You were at work, organizing the desserts while you had a break from customers. The bakery was empty but that gave everyone the chance to take a breather and straighten up. Jungkook watched you closely out of the corner of his eye. Lately you seemed down; maybe something had happened that he wasn’t aware of. You had also been missing work occasionally and he wondered if it had to do with your pregnancy. Your stomach was definitely growing but you still looked beautiful.

“Hey, y/n-“

“Jungkook, could you carry these cinnamon rolls for me and put them away?” His grandmother interrupted.

“Yes, ma’am.” He walked over to her but not before sparing you another glance.

He had done what he was told, finishing up in five minutes. He also helped with other chores around the shop, all the while, staring at you to see if your mood had changed.

“Y/n-“ he began a moment later.

“Jungkook! Stop all that blabbering and help me deliver this cake.” His grandfather said sternly, tearing him away from you yet again.

“Yes, sir.”

He gave you one last glance, not that you had noticed, and grabbed his jacket to help load the desserts into their truck. You had stayed behind and continued to help the customers that entered the bakery. You had just come from the kitchen when two men, dressed in black, had entered through the door.

“Ms. Y/n?” One of them spoke.

“Yes.”

“We need you to come with us.”

“May I ask why?” You asked confused.

“We were ordered to get you by Mrs. Min.”

You didn’t say another word as you followed the men out the door and into a black car. They closed the door behind you before getting into another car and driving off.

~~~~~

Insu watched from behind tinted windows as three black cars pulled up to Yoongi’s property. That’s went he made his move. He and his men stormed the property with guns drawn. Armed with stolen automatic weapons, they fired dozens of bullets into the cars, killing anyone inside. Next, they stormed the house.

Insu kicked opened the front door, firing before he had taken a step inside. The bullets had broken vases and glasses. It tore through the fabric of the furniture and through the walls, leaving devastating holes everywhere. Insu slowly walked inside and realized that the place was empty, or so he thought. Mr. Wu and Yohan were in the kitchen when all the chaos erupted. They quickly armed themselves with guns that were stashed away in the room and waited to make their move.

“I want four of you to head upstairs and check for anyone there. If you see someone, kill them.” Insu ordered.

He continued on, slowly walking through each room; looking for someone to kill. When he made it to the living room, gunshots rung out in a blazing battle. Mr. Wu was armed with a handgun while Yohan had a shotgun ready to use. They fired repeatedly, catching Insu off guard but he managed to duck behind the nearest furniture and return fire. His men had heard the shots and came to help but they also underestimated who they were up against.

Yohan fired a series of rounds, piercing the bodies of two men, killing them. Blood poured from their bodies onto the floor as the war raged on. Mr. Wu fired, emptied, and reloaded his weapon, not giving the enemy a chance to strike. He aimed for the furniture, hoping to draw out the leader behind it.

More of Insu’s men appeared, firing at the two men. One by one, they took down and killed an intruder. Insu knew he had to make a call. Risk losing his men or retreating to safety. Clearly, they had underestimated their opponents but he was still ready to fight to the end.

Signaling to his men, he had a few of them escaped out the door, fleeing to the car. When Yohan and Mr. Wu, assumed the men were gone, they ceased fire but kept their guns in the air just in case. Insu quietly reloaded his weapon before he popped up out of hiding and pulled the trigger, two of his men joined in to help him. Mr. Wu was hit multiple times and fell to the floor. Yohan disappeared around a corner for the time being.

Insu walked closer to his body, ready to aim for his head but Mr. Wu raised his gun in the air, catching him off guard. Yohan appeared and both of them fired away. Lucky for them, Insu was hit twice but he managed to escape out of the door before they could kill him.

Yohan dropped his gun and ran to aide Mr. Wu, who was bleed profusely. He pulled out his phone and not only called for an ambulance but also their employer. A quick look around showed how bad things really were. The house was a mess, blood and bodies we scattered around, and the amount of bullet shells strewed over the floor; were too many to count.

“Come on, Shiwon! Stay with me! Help is on the way.” Yohan stated, placing pressure on the wounds but there were too many.

“You did well.” Mr. Wu coughed as blood ran down the corners of his mouth. “Mr. Yoongi will be well protected in your hands... look after him...”

His eyes closed and Yohan knew that he was gone. He remained in place, holding on to his good friend until help arrived... only they were too late.

~~~~~

The black cars pulled up to the Min’s estate, where Yoongi’s parents were waiting. The car door had opened and you and emerged from inside. While his father spoke to his men, his mother had greeted you, pulling you into a hug.

“I don’t get it,” you questioned. “What’s going on?”

“Until we find Yoongi, you will stay with us. You will be protected until we find out who is behind this.”

“Did something else happen?”

“Why don’t we discuss this inside?”

You followed her inside the house, hoping it wasn’t anything too bad.

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thesinglesjukebox · 5 years

Video

youtube

HAIM - SUMMER GIRL

[7.92]

We think it’s fly when these girls stop by for the summer...

Nellie Gayle: I'm not exactly the least biased observer when it comes to Haim's music. I owe a good portion of my close friendships and my longterm relationship to the Twitter fandom they cultivated around the time of their first release, when I was a tiny baby in college. But, still, I think my respect and affection for them doesn't disqualify me from having a valuable opinion on them. In this case, I can especially appreciate "Summer Girl" as the rare Haim song celebrating longevity and long distance in all of its pangs and nuanced happy moments. Written for Danielle Haim's partner during a serious illness, Summer Girl is a painfully sweet momento of that moment when we realize exactly what we are to other people and walk toward that version of ourselves. There's an easy breezy quality to the song that's underpinned by the fear and trauma that can visit a relationship. To be a summer girl, here, is less about wilding out for yourself in global warming record highs (still an admirable pastime), and more about how we can find strength by viewing our own selves -- malleable, fragile, messy -- as the strength and release someone else needs. This shift in perspective creates love for both ourselves, and the vessels of care and affection in our lives *collective 'awwwww'* [10]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: Lou Reed knew how to make these sparse, simple songs that felt content with life despite knowing its many shortcomings. "Summer Girl" feels imbued with that same gritty hope, not least because its "Walk on the Wild Side" influence is patently obvious. The backstory of this song -- that it was written for Danielle Haim's partner Ariel Rechtshaid after he was diagnosed with testicular cancer -- makes this feel all the more heartfelt. But really, it's there in the music itself. This is the sort of song that feels like the product of a jam session between friends, where repetition and marginal changes in dynamics are a reflection of lazy summer days and a desire to just do something with the people you care about. Danielle Haim grounds the song with her vocals, but it's the music -- ever-loping and easy-going -- that signals the message here that everything will be all right. I'm reminded of Pavement's "Gold Soundz," specifically the notion of a mutual emptiness. What Malkmus spoke of was a romanticized ennui, but any emptiness I sense here is of a different sort: a willingness to empty oneself completely, to be filled with nothing but the love of another. [7]

Katie Gill: Thankfully, the four minute long showcase for a saxophone riff features a REALLY GOOD saxophone riff. [6]

Michael Hong: Haim may have described "Summer Girl" as an attempt to emulate "Walk on the Wild Side" by Lou Reed, but its aesthetics also seemed to be partially informed by Danielle's recent stints across Vampire Weekend's Father of the Bride, especially, the jazzy-vibes of "Sunflower" and "Flower Moon." And similar to Vampire Weekend, Haim have a strength for distilling decades of influences to make their music sound simply like the present. On the surface, "Summer Girl" sounds exactly like a summer breeze, but it's deceptively chill. The burden of forced positivity leads to a sadness and the feeling that the group is holding back that creep into the track's breezy atmosphere. That sadness and restraint should be worrying; however, Danielle's reassuring vocals flip any anxiety into peace, and everything else disappears in the meditative way she repeats the line "I'm your summer girl." [7]

Ashley Bardhan: I love how soft Danielle's vocals are and how the saxophone peeks out from behind it, like the twinkling of an ice cream truck on a sticky July night. I feel the heavy summer breeze passing when she says "You walk beside me, not behind me/Feel my unconditional love." It's a whispered command breaking into love and heat, opening the grey clouds to see the "angels coming now." As the song ends, amidst steely drums and saxophone swelling, you reached the beach in your favorite town. [8]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: Songs about summer love take place at the beach, on bright sunny days, end at parties; they are flirtatious, playful, even dangerous; they sound like the rush of falling in love at an irresponsible pace, but being too young and dumb to give a care about the eventual season's change. To be sure, these songs are great, but "Summer Girl" is so arresting and gorgeous precisely because of its subversion of this formula. It begins after the thrill of the chase has already subsided, and focuses instead on the emotional intimacy and complexity that percolates afterwards. When Haim whisper, "I can see it in your face/I'm relief/I'm your summer girl," it's the portrait of romance so intoxicating that pillow talk doesn't require talking at all in order to understand connection -- no matter how brief. The meandering saxophone soundtracks this all sublimely, tinged with bittersweetness as if to ruminate on the nature of love that, by definition, has an expiration date. I know I'm young and supposed to be at some club hooking up to whatever song of the summer dominates the airwaves, but this year, all I want to do is lay in an open field gazing at stars, surrounded by nothing but the sound of crickets chirping, the crackle of bonfire, and this song playing in the background as I fall asleep in a stranger's arms. [9]

Josh Buck: An unexpected and disarmingly smooth four minute swerve that makes a compelling case for Haim's longevity. [8]

Alfred Soto: A minute before the "doo-doo" hook I knew the drum pattern and sax were drenched in "Walk on the Wild Side," and it fits: Danielle Haim on a casual stroll across Hamptons dunes, cheering herself up with the musical memories competing in her head. [7]

Kayla Beardslee: An absolutely perfect summer song, "Summer Girl" would work best when played on a lazy August weekend, sitting on a screened-in porch or sprawling on a wooden dock, watching the sun slowly dip below the horizon and turn the sky pink and orange -- but I'm listening to it at a dining table on a Tuesday afternoon, and it still sounds wonderful. Danielle Haim is restrained, voice gliding smoothly over the bass with a contentment that matches the lyrics, but her emotions break through on the stellar bridge, where she describes her memories of earthquake drills and tears behind dark sunglasses. These images, which in a vacuum would seem sinister, are instead imbued with a surprising nostalgia, and the best lines in the song follow moments later. Danielle sings, "Walk beside me/Not behind me/Feel my unconditional love," and you can feel a lifetime's worth of emotions -- infatuation, frustration, longing, respect, happiness -- wrapped up in those ten seconds. And behind it all are the joyful bursts of saxophone, echoing like they're coming from just around the next street corner: the instrument, like the song as a whole, blissful, content, and yet always in motion. [8]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Summer in Southern California is, perhaps counter-intuitively, a dreary time. As a kid in the vast suburbs below Los Angeles, summer was mainly characterized by the absence of things -- of the structure of the school day, of the friends you picked up (gone away to various sleepaway camps), of the will to do anything that would risk your leaving the cool darkness of your room. The weather the rest of the year was good enough to be summer, and so the season itself became a sort of filler period, a tone-setter lost in the tone. "Summer Girl" is a song that captures the feeling of an endless Southern Californian summer perfectly, its lazy backbeat and drifting saxophones rattling around in my ears until the track's disparate parts melt together. For a band that's tended towards studio perfection even in their jammiest moments (c.f. "Little of Your Love"), the move towards chill is almost disconcerting. But afternoons spent waiting out the sun deserve soundtracks as much as any of the more kinetic times of summer, and "Summer Girl" fits that bill better than anything I've heard in a while. [8]

Kylo Nocom: "Summer Girl" hearkens back to weird memories of hazy 6th grade school buses playing Kendrick Lamar on the radio and 9th grade memories of looping Radiohead by myself thinking about all of the memories I was going to make in high school. It obviously doesn't resemble the former two artists at all past any invented superficial resemblances (well, the outro does resemble "Separator" a little...) but it captures something specific that I haven't felt in a long, long time. Much of this is like one long blur of looped familiarity, but the bridge is a sweet moment of lucidity quickly whipped into yet another river of pure daydreaming music. Summer's been rough on me; it's my last summer before graduating and I'm still so confused by what I want to do. This, in all of its reassuring and affirming glory, is a pleasant reminder that I've got all the time I need. [9]

Vikram Joseph: "Summer Girl" derives much of its power from the pull and tension between the crisis of health and love that inspired the song (hinted at when they sing about "the tears behind your dark sunglasses") and their determination to present the season as an airy, carefree thing nonetheless. The minimal, pastel tones of the production are impossibly classy -- there are shades of Broken Social Scene at their most light-handed here, and a saxophone part that suspends the song a few feet off the ground, like a balloon perpetually on the verge of carrying the whole thing off into the stratosphere. [8]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

#Haim #pop #music #music review #writing

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rkwon · 6 years

Text

the curtains will quietly fall.

( ★ ) mgas season four → 4.1: team beagle’s 2018 bop ! → love scenario cover ( line dist. ) !

placing so low last week reminds him that it’s never enough to believe in yourself or your team, to feel confident and comfortable in what you have achieved not only over the course of the week but in the real, final performance, too. it reminds him that there’s more to this than doing your best; that trying hard only works in academics when you already have potential, only works in sports when you already have a physical background. because at the end of the day, no one else knows you feel happy, no one else feels what you feel, they only see what’s on the surface, and it hadn’t been enough.

it hits harder than he expects placing second from bottom, and even more so when changmin goes home. seeing someone he’d watched work so hard leave is another reminder that no one is safe. regardless of age, skill level, upbringing, popularity — no one is safe.

( except the producers’ picks, of course, but from the inside and being so painfully inexperienced socially, he can’t tell who they are, anyway, so for all intents and purposes, no one is safe. )

he can’t even bring himself to be happy for mingyu who placed higher than him ( where he rightfully belongs ) because even his team places sixth and sees a member go home and won doesn’t really understand. after three weeks, he thinks it should be obvious to him what they’re looking for by now but he doesn’t understand. it’s a knee-jerk reaction; to wonder what lacked from the whole package that is his boyfriend, and from himself who had been so proud of what he and his team had achieved. he draws a blank.

he wishes he could say it motivates him to do absolutely everything he can to be better in the following week, but maybe it’s just the timing of it all, but instead, he draws further into his shell, wonders things he hasn’t thought about since december as he listens to his group chat around him.

instead, what motivates him, and what he wishes was his main driver for the week instead for its healthier repercussions, is his team. having sua’s familiar ( and reassuring ) personality around makes him feel safe, and junhoe’s fire sparks his own, pulling him momentarily out from behind his protective shield every so often to quip back a playful tease. he’d never met donghyun or guanlin before, but he’d seen their other performances, seen their names pop up online in comments he certainly shouldn’t be reading at three am when he can’t sleep. after a little time with them, he warms enough to pitch in a nod of the head when he agrees with something said in discussion and this is how they decide upon a song, having thrown around close to a million before settling on one he agrees is a strong enough release in its own right to give them a chance of at least grabbing attention. that seems like half the fight with so many contestants and groups at this point.

having seen mingyu rarely come home the week before, he wonders if that’s the difference between eighth and sixth place, wonders if he didn’t do enough in the ceos eyes to help his team push towards the top. maybe he comes across as uninterested because he happily went home each night to see mingyu’s family and sleep in a comfortable, albeit cold and lonely bed. it’s difficult to persuade the others to let him stay behind, and one night in particular there’s nothing he can say to convince them to leave him once they all go over to sua’s for a sleepover. ( and when mingyu asks him to come home on tuesday, the guilt of evening thinking about saying no begins to eat him alive. ) nights he can, he sleeps on the practice room floor for a few hours a night, wakes up before the others can arrive and quietly shrugs if asked if he’d been here all night or what time he’d arrived. he doesn’t call sujin, not after seeing himself on television the sunday before; in fact, he barely even touches his phone at all, only to text mingyu back and turn off his alarms as he stretches out tired arms.

halfway through the week, he decides this group is less familiar than his previous, even if he already knows half the members. they bicker more than he had seen in team g, particularly junhoe and sua’s unaligned perceptions of leadership. ( even somi, who he had started the week petrified of, had become someone he could at least make eye contact with for longer than ten seconds without trembling. ) luckily, they vibe well in performance mode from what won can tell.

( but he doesn’t know a thing, really, does he? )

despite his uncertainty, and despite learning the choreography himself that week, he does his best to help those struggling. he’s not the most talkative instructor, but he is precise in his movements and patient in his teaching. he’s sat in on enough of the lessons at the studio he used to clean to know that getting frustrated doesn’t help anyone. some things take time, even if realistically, they don’t have too much of it.

he just doesn’t want to be a bother, or worse; useless.

he doesn’t want to be eighth again.

another motivator for their success, strangely, is meeting sua’s beagle. in a week where won struggled to find anything that made him truly feel at peace, seeing the wagging tail of a new dog had made the brightest smile stretch his features. maybe it’s stupid, but it makes him feel a little more energised seeing the endless, carefree happiness of a pup. once, years ago when he was young, he had been like that. he doesn’t need to ask himself what happened, but he does ask himself why he can’t still fight to be now that things are better for him. why is he letting so many things drag him down?

it’s not what they want to see, but why isn’t he just focusing on enjoying this opportunity?

he smiles as they bow. “lo-o-ove scenario! hello, we are team beagle!” hearts shoot from each member towards the audience, a refreshing, cheerful change from how he’d felt the rest of the week. it takes more than overnight to change an entire mindset but standing on stage, knowing that this is the defining moment and afterwards, all the stress will be over for another week, he feels some relief, some peace. his fingers still tremble slightly with nerves, but there’s no lingering worry or upset. this is it. soon, hopefully, he’ll understand.

it’s unclear if it’s his insecurities or truth, but he feels like he takes less of a role this week, the song feeling overall more balanced. there’s more rapping, for sure, though he doesn’t think the dance is as impressive ( though he also thinks that’s strategic given that this group isn’t as strong at the skill ). honestly, he practices the dance alone very little, finding it more beneficial to run through the performance in its entirety, singing as he moves, precise movements made in time to smooth vocals.

once, before they start, he pats his chest, feels the small key against his skin remind him of why he’s here.

나 살아가면서 가끔씩 떠오를 기억 그 안에 네가 있다면 그거면 충분해

his first line isn’t until almost a minute in, giving him time to feel comfortable with their synergy as a group. with tensions earlier in the week, he had worried silently for a little time if they’d be able to come together and appear a well-oiled machine by the end of the week but it became apparent quickly that regardless of disagreements, regardless of his shy nature worsening this week, they were all talented in their respective skills and loved to perform more than anything. that doesn’t mean anything for teamwork, really, but when their desires to go forth with the competition and their dreams outweighs whatever they might have bumped heads on ( and he knows this himself, as it’s something he struggles with internally, too ), they can come together surprisingly well to form a team that is as passionate as it is talented.

besides, perhaps how easy it had been to choose a song last week, how easy it’d been to mesh together, was their downfall, as ridiculous as it sounds to him. the last thing this competition has reminded him this week is that anything is possible.

the beat isn’t particularly fast, and the dance isn’t particularly complex bar a few choice moments ( at least not for someone who’s been dancing as long as he has ), but he thinks it’s intricate enough to show the skill any dance takes to those who are only seeing snippets through a television screen, or who don’t know dance as well as the ceos and many of the other contestants here do. but it’s fun. it’s not a dance that takes itself too seriously, nor is it too far in the other direction either. the song itself is calm, but not boring; upbeat, but not overwhelming. he thinks the vibe of their performance, streetwear and all, suits their leader especially, even if he wouldn’t tell the oldest.

( he’d never hear the end of jeon won complimented me, does he have a fever? after all. )

네가 벌써 그립지만 그리워하지 않으려 해 한 편의 영화 따스했던 봄으로 너를 기억할게

his next vocal part is the bridge once again, his second favourite part of the choreography that conveniently follows his favourite. it’s honouring getting such important parts of the vocals, though the pressure to do well isn’t as exciting. he’s lucky that his parts aren’t demanding dance-wise, allowing him full control over his voice and its stability in particular. his vocals are smooth and calming at their best and this is one of those times where he can really take advantage of that.

he doesn’t forget what sua had taught them last week either; how to really flourish in front of the camera once it hones in on you, how to command attention when the time is right and you’re front and centre. he doesn’t forget the patience she’d taught him, and he doesn’t forget the passion junhoe had drawn out of them this week. he’s humble as a member of a team, something he couldn’t have expected always having lived in a world for so long that was only ever against him and never with. every time he feels the lens following him, he meets it momentarily to flash a confident gaze, the bright smiles of last week’s pinocchio not feeling as appropriate for this performance. maybe if he exudes confidence without taking a moment to consider that he feels it is what the ceos want to see. maybe. he’ll probably never know.

우리가 만든 love scenario 이젠 조명이 꺼지고 마지막 페이지를 넘기면 조용히 막을 내리죠

then, they all come together. it’s a mix of voices, tones, but after so much practice, they match well in a light harmony that feels as wistful as the original’s. again, it’s a part of the song that doesn’t feel like it takes itself too seriously, their voices filling the stage with ease rather than forced perfection and their movements relaxed and free, as long as they end in the correct formation for the small parts of organised choreography in the final chorus and two-part outro.

as a dancer, he feels like he should love this part allowing him to show off how naturally his body moves to a beat but the ‘disorganisation’ ( of course, they had practised it a million times, so it’s never truly freestyle ) of it all makes him nervous. it’s all too easy for one of them to bump into another, step on someone’s feet, and he has to resist the urge to look down at his feet to make sure that person isn’t him. forcing his head high, he sings along with the others, quietening his voice so his deep tone doesn’t stand out too much with those understandably higher.

they’re so close to the end now that won can taste it, can taste the relief he’ll feel sitting down to watch the others ( until the stress settles in as he wonders where everyone will place, of course ). he jumps the final hurdle with revitalised energy, desperate to show a strong performance worthy of much higher than they had placed last week, if not for himself, then for sua.

우린 아파도 해봤고 우습게 질투도 했어 미친 듯이 사랑했고 우리 이 정도면 됐어

finishing on the youngest feels like a strong decision, the young boy certainly the main appeal ( in his opinion ) of their group with his fresh, youthful visuals and aura.

as the instrumental behind them fades to silence, won thinks the cyclical nature of the song is his true favourite part of it all. it makes him feel like the end of their performance truly is the end; that there’s no more to do, that nothing feels incomplete.

it’s crazy how quickly three and a half minutes can pass under the heat of the stage lights, but with a pounding heart and the rapid rise and fall of his chest, he smiles. he’s proud of his group, but he reminds himself before he can get excited: anything is possible.

#rkmga4 #rkmga4new #wn.solo #wn.mga4 #wn.live #( wc; 2182 )

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rkwon · 7 years

Text

surprise.

@rkmg

Just as they were finishing their meal, an empty pizza box on the counter and several pieces of cake missing from its whole, Sujin gestured to the rest of the cake. “My mother made this for you. As much as I’d love to take credit for it, not even I can bake that well.” She softly laughed, standing up from her seat. “That’s not all, though. Both of my parents have something they asked me to give to you.” She walked into the living room where there were several wrapped presents on the sofa. “You can all come in here, if you’d like. I feel like it would be a more comfortable place for Won to open his gifts.” She waited there as Hyunwoo walked in there to join her, Daisy trailing closely behind him. Mingyu pushed out his chair and waited for Won, gently placing his hand on his back and walking directly beside him.

Mingyu sat down and patted the spot next to him, wanting the younger boy to be next to him. Once the boys were all seated, Sujin took a box and handed it to Won for him to unwrap, a card placed on top. It was signed by Mikyung and Sungsoo, and as soon as it was opened, it would be revealed that they had given him a new pair of shoes. Of course, Mingyu and Sujin helped them with the details, but it was their own idea to give him something upon discovering it was his birthday.

Next, she picked up the item from her sister, her husband, and their children. A smile formed on her face as she let out more soft laughter. “Mijin told Misook that if Mingyu was going to be giving you things for your birthday, that they had to, too. She’s really fond of you, isn’t she?” Mingyu laughed with her and turned to face his lap. He was the one to inform his cousin and aunt what albums Won would be interested in receiving, but he figured he’d keep that to himself and let them have the glory. The card was signed by all four of them (Misook, Sanghoon, Minkyung, and Mijin) and as soon as the gift was opened, he would see that they bought him f(x)’s 4 walls album.

“Now it’s time for you to get your stuff from the most important people.” She laughed at herself, wanting it to be very clear she was only joking. “Mingyu said his things for you are in his room, so I guess after we finish here, I won’t take up a lot more of your time. I know he’s been excited about today for a few weeks now.” As she spoke, she ran her hands through Mingyu’s hair, which only caused him to blush. He sheepishly looked away which only caused his mother to giggle more before patting him on the back and walking over to get the card signed by the family. Sujin and Hyunwoo had signed it, as well as Mingyu writing in Daisy’s name, but his name wasn’t actually on this one. Mingyu leaned over to softly inform him, “I wanted to give you one on my own, so… It’s in there with everything else.”

Sujin looked over to Hyunwoo who was quietly sitting in his chair and asked, “Do you want to give him yours first, or should I go?” He smiled, giving a nod in her direction before relaxing back into his seat. “You can go.”

Excitedly, Sujin clasped her hands together for a moment before picking up a large gift bag and then sitting next to Won, despite not having much room. She squished her small body next to him, not minding how closely she was pressed to him. “Look what’s inside…” Once the gift was pulled out of the bag, it was simply just another bag— a book bag. It was new and made out of good material, so it wouldn’t damage well. She beamed at him, wrapped her arm around his body and resting her hand on his shoulder furthest away from her. “There’s more inside of it.” After it was unzipped, Won would soon see that there was a book inside— ��The Complete Works of William Shakespeare. Also, a metal box. “It’s a lock box.” She briefly thought about his journal that he had shown her not that long ago, and she knows he likely has more things he’d like to keep private. “This is for the things you don’t want anyone else to see. You can store them in here, so you can feel a little more at peace about them. I bought this to go with it.” She wiggled a bit, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a chain. “You can put the key on this and wear it under your shirt, that way it’s on you at all times. No one can get it if you don’t want them to.” She leaned in and pressed another kiss to his temple, wrapping her other arm around him and hugging him tightly. “I love you, but you know that already. Still, I can’t say it enough. I hope that you have a great day, because you’re so special to me, and you deserve it. I’ll let Hyunwoo give you his things now, but if you boys get hungry again later after you head to Mingyu’s room to hang out, don’t be too afraid to let me know, because I can cook something else, too, okay?” Giving him one more kiss, she let him go and stood up, letting him have his space once again.

Since it was his turn, Hyunwoo reached beside him and picked up the two small boxes he had wrapped for the boy. He stood up and handed him the slightly larger one first, and once unwrapped, proved to be a new shirt that he bought for the boy. “I saw it and thought you might like it. It’s not fancy or anything, but… I’m not so great at this.” He let out a short chuckle before offering up the second one, which was much smaller. When it was opened, it was the Titanic DVD which made Hyunwoo quietly laugh again. “Mingyu won’t watch things with me, so I figured I could maybe rope you into having a movie night with me. Just us two… It can’t be that bad, can it?” He reached down and patted Won on the back before smiling and walking back to his chair.

Mingyu turned to Won once everyone else had given their presents. “Does this mean it’s finally my turn?”

Table manners have never been Won’s strong point and as Sujin begins to explain the cake’s origins, he can be seen stopped in his tracks with his index finger in his mouth to clean off all the icing. “It’s so—” Voice muffled, he removes his finger. “—good.” Hearing that anyone else besides the three people (and one dog) in the room with him were even slightly involved in his birthday has his heart swelling and that lump in his throat becoming harder to ignore. Honestly, Won can barely believe three people (and one dog) care about him enough to buy him a cake, let alone anyone else in the family. Mingyu, he can understand. They’ve spent almost every day of their lives together since they met; they’re practically inseparable. Sujin and Hyunwoo, too — the two of them pretty much raised him alongside Mingyu, but for the older’s grandparents to have baked him a cake and gifted him something… Won could never have imagined as a child that he’d ever receive this much love. Sure, it’s his birthday and it’s human nature to give on these special days but no one has to. His biological parents have done a wonderful job of not doing anything for him for years besides handing over a couple extra weeks’ allowance to keep him quiet. (It works.)

He allows himself to be guided into the living room, a quiet, short gasp leaving his lips at the wrapped presents on the sofa. Even when he reads the card, holds the gifts in his hands, he struggles to believe that anyone would spend their time, money and effort on him. Each year, it overwhelms him in the best way, and he wonders where am I going to put these cards on display? amongst what did I do to receive so much love and how did they know my size? Carefully examining them, he smiles. It’s been a while since he had a new pair of shoes and his own are starting to look a little worse for wear. No matter how well Won takes care of them, wearing the same pair almost every day doesn’t do them any good, so he’s grateful that he now has some he can slip into when the occasion calls for smarter dress, or when his current pair finally break beyond repair.

He delicately pulls the paper off Misook, Sanghoon, Minkyung, and Mijin’s gift (as he does and will do for everything he’s handed), silently cooing at one of the albums he’d spent many a pitiful trips to the store staring at with sparkling eyes. He’s desperate to delve into it, find out what photocard he got and see every page of the photobook in all their glory, but he’ll have time to do that later. For now, much to his amazement, he has more gifts to open.

Sujin jokes, and Won should really feel guilty about it, but she’s right. As grateful as he is for everything the rest of the family have given him today, Mingyu, Sujin and Hyunwoo will always be the most important people in his life. They gave him hope, shelter and love when he had none, and Won doesn’t think he could name many people that would do that, especially for a kid like him. Any teasing from Sujin that heads Mingyu’s way always has Won grinning, and the reactions the older gives them are half the fun. Won can understand Mingyu being excited for awhile; after all, he’d been excited for Mingyu’s, too, but he’d had no one to point it out, make him blush crimson over it. On the surface, he’s grateful, but deep down, he wishes Mingyu would get to see how happy and flustered he makes him, too.

Nodding delicately to the older’s words, he gently traces his fingers over the written words inside the card as Sujin and Hyunwoo decide amongst themselves who will be first to give him their gifts. He’s not surprised that the former is to go first, and he’s not all that surprised either, when she fits into the space next to him. He’s certainly not complaining; Sujin is the mother figure in his life that he’d always wanted and he’d take every cuddle and kiss from her that he could with open arms. Her arm wraps around his shoulder as he pulls out the bag from the other bag, feeling the material beneath his fingers. It’s stronger than his backpack, that’s for sure; stronger than any bag he’s ever had, and Won’s excited to pile his things into it and proudly hang it over his shoulder every day for school, work, everything. But it doesn’t stop there. He digs inside, cradling the fresh book on his shaky palms, sighing contently at the pristine condition. He knows that in good time, he’ll break the spine and fray the corners with love and extensive use, but it’s been almost as long since he’s owned a brand new book as it has since he last got new shoes. Also tucked away inside the bag is a box, and he’s curiously brainstorming what he can put inside when Sujin elaborates. Sucking his bottom lip in between his teeth, he bites hard, but it’s impossible. Nothing can stop him at this point. A loud sniffle can be heard before the first tear is seen, but it’s no surprise at this point that he cracks. He cries every year because it’ll never not touch his heart to see so much thought and effort go into getting him gifts he never expects. He never asks for anything, yet they always seem to gift him the things he never knew he needed until now. “Thank you.” He mumbles quietly, a little deeper than his usual tone as he wipes at his cheeks, taking the chain from her and tucking it into the bag for safe keeping for now — until he can starting putting things in the box and lock them away. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you, too — so much.” He repeats, over and over, as she presses kisses to his temple and hugs him close. He wishes he could say more, but coherency isn’t his strong suit when he’s this emotional, tears still quietly streaming down his cheeks, no matter how furiously he wipes them away.

Hyunwoo is next, and whilst he’s clearly unsure of himself, Won still sniffles just as loudly, cries just as hard, as he unwraps a new shirt and a classic movie, laughing softly at the man’s comment. He, too, knows how hard it can be to get Mingyu to sit still for longer than ten minutes. “I would— r-really love that. Thank you.”

Finally, he turns to his best friend once his voice reaches his ears. His stomach flips once more as he nods. “Your turn,” he confirms, though he’s not sure he’s strong enough to make it through more gifts, especially with that breathtaking smile on the older’s face, but he’s determined to give it everything he’s got.

#rkmg #wonday2017 #( I' M SO BB IN G NUIH AUSHFU )#submission

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