#retail therapy with money I don't really have

[trickster-kat]

Feel free to ignore this!

Wanna know something beyond frustrating?

Being disabled, but not disabled enough to qualify for help/ benefits.

Depression, Anxiety, ADHD, and Arthritis. Even chronic pain, though apparently that doesn't count.

But because I have no choice but to force myself to function beyond all of this every day (a learned behavior from no one ever believing me) to make a meager amount of money to help with living expenses, I don't qualify for anything.

Every day, I am mentally, emotionally, and physically drained and in pain and exhausted.

Not to mention the light sensitivity, and my pcp officially diagnosed me as "allergic to the outside." All potential jokes aside, do you know how much it fucking sucks to develop a migraine and nausea every time you step outside your home?

[ladyyatexel]

So, inspired by being treated like dipshit garbage at my job, I would like to make a recommendation:

When you are having a bad time, especially when you are having that bad time because someone was a real fucking shit head at you, go to a store. You can retail therapy if that is useful and not like a slippery slope or something for you, whatever, I'm not your mom, but the critical thing I want to suggest in these situations is to just be very kind to a few people.

Of course you should always be nice to people working in retail environments, because they are frequently being absolutely worked within an inch of their life for not enough money, but here I mean things like:

Tell the folks in the small store at the mall that their store looks really nice and you can tell they work hard to maintain it.

Fill out the little surveys you get on receipts or whatever and be sure to mention especially how good the staff of the store you were in were. People who are mentioned specifically in feedback like this often get at least praise and like a $5 gift card from upper management. It is not a lot, but it can feel nice!

Tell the barista stuck at the coffee shop that their hair looks awesome.

Say the same thing to your fellow lost souls of humanity in Walmart. No one is in Walmart because they are having the best time.

Tell someone her leggings are really cute.

Tell your cashier that you hope that the rest of his shift goes quickly and painlessly!

Thank people, but do it specifically and sincerely. Tell them not just thank you but, "Thanks for your help, I really appreciate your time." "Thanks for the work you put into this." "Thank you for getting that for me, that was really nice of you." That sort of thing. People are used to 'thank you" as a ritual phrase that is just kind of a default. It can stop sounding sincere or like anything except the sounds you expect to hear after you do a task. But if you recognize what somebody did, even if it is a small thing, and personalize it, they will actually hear the thanks, they will remember it.

I often do this on my instacart feedback. I say "Thank you for your hard work/effort/service today, you really helped me out," in all my little comment boxes. Because they really do help me out. I can't carry all my groceries up the stairs, so they do a lot for me.

Don't lie or be insincere, just think a little bit about all the people who could just use a little extra positive feelings from other folks to get through the day, just like you. People like knowing that the work they're doing is not mindless bullshit.

All of these interactions make people feel nice about themselves and then they feel nice about you and then you feel nice about yourself and then your manager who is a dick can fuck off because not only did you get over their poisonous bullshit but you help some other people out of theirs too.

It will help you toward feeling better after people being nasty to you when you see surprised and delighted reactions from other people who didn't expect to be told that they were doing a good job or that their hair looks nice.

It's like a ranged attack of serotonin and dopamine and you can hit just like everybody within range of the checkout line, yourself included.

[crackedpumpkin]

a/n: drabble? drabble. tired? extremely. @urfavarab ur wish has been granted heres one au drabble i wrote here have this idk who its for LOL ive got a whole fucking pile of them, and might post deoending on the poll results^^

pardon the typos or grammatical errors i wrote most of these at like 5am.

The boy who lives at unit 85C pisses you off.

Maybe it's the way he always tilts the magnetic tags on your door when you liked them to be neat and orderly, and maybe it's the way he constantly ignores your angry protests of getting him to stop blasting his god-awful music in the early hours of the morning, but it's definitely the way he still tries to flirt with you even after all that.

"Shut the fuck up and leave me alone," you reply snarkily, shooting him a glare from where your preoccupied arms are busy trying to balance the insane amount of parcels in your hands.

You'd given in to your retail therapy comfort, but who could blame you when your boss at work was being so unreasonably stubborn?

You're so close to calling it quits.

Unfortunately though, you need the money, and it's not like any companies are out there hiring for the niche job you currently hold.

"What's got that smile upside down?" The teasing lilt in his voice is only made more apparent by his wide smile when you glare at him again, choosing to lean himself against your doorway and watching you struggle.

You finally set down the parcels next to your sofa, wiping off the small beads of sweat that have formed on your hairline.

"Literally get out of my apartment." You order, frowning at the fact that he's still here.

"Don't be like that," He pouts, though the mischievous glint in his eyes suggests otherwise. "Let's hang out!"

You collapse on the couch, muscles aching from the long day you've just had. You exhale slowly, staring up at the ceiling while you mull over exactly how done you are at your job. You need a stress reliever. You need a distraction.

You toss him a dubious look, watching his brows raise in response as his lips tug up into an intrigued smirk.

"Y'know what? Fine. Let's hang out."

"Really? No take backs." He grins, kicking off his shoes and inviting himself into your home with a happy hum. He closes the door behind him, making his way to your fridge and scanning its contents before grabbing a bottle of orange juice and chugging it straight from its container, all while you watch from your comfortable position on the plush cushions on the couch.

[dentiststoothfairy]

🎻 Violinon here!!! I will so happily gush about him with you, the more love the better!! ☺️ I hope you’re having a lovely day and getting time for yourself, you always deserve it!! ✨✨

This request is for The Pic-Squad (especially Nene!!) with a friend who loves taking them out places, treating them, baking for them.. The whole shabang!! They’re getting affectioned!! 🥺 (And this is as always whenever you feel up to it!! 🥹 You’ve done so many requests for me already!!!)

[𝚃𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝙷𝙰𝚂 𝙱𝙴𝙴𝙽 𝙳𝙴𝙻𝙴𝚃𝙴𝙳 𝙱𝚈 𝚃𝚄𝙼𝙱𝙻𝚁 𝚃𝚆𝙸𝙲𝙴.]

🔫💣🔪 𝐏𝐢𝐜𝐨'𝐬 𝐒𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐝 🔪💣🔫

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐜 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦!

🔪𝐍𝐞𝐧𝐞🔪

OH MY GOD?? SHE'S SO EXCITED.

NO NO I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND. SHE'S ECSTATIC.

It is HARD being the ONLY girl in this group. Like, these boys don't understand the BEAUTY of days out!! Like. They don't wanna get their hair done, don't wanna try on new clothes? It's like living with two broke hobos!!

So if you ever give her the opportunity to take her out? It'll genuinely be really fun, for the both of you.

Retail therapy is her favorite kind of therapy so expect to have a ton of new, expensive clothes.

You two get to chat, gossip and just have a nice day! Nene would spoil you as much as you spoil her. God a day out with Nene would be so much fun. Memories would last forever.

And if you're baking for her? She'll happily eat it BUT PLEASE. PLEASE. LET IT BE DAIRY FREE. SHE'S LACTOSE INTOLERANT AND YOU ACCIDENTALLY WILL KILL HER.

She wouldn't tell you that, though.. It's probably Darnell who does. Lucky you.

Bro, just give her that princess treatment and she'll love you forever.

𝐏𝐢𝐜𝐨

When you drag him shopping, he groaned so much. He's so used to carrying Nene's stuff, he expected you to do that to him too.

Not that he doesn't like spending time with her, or you. But.. It's just annoying. He could be spending this time getting high or something.

Wait.. You're getting something for him?

He looks at you like you're insane for a minute, just searching your face for any kind of sarcasm... What's the catch?

He feels pretty bad taking your money, he insists that something small will do. Again, he's used to Nene draining the ever loving FUCK out of his bank account. He has no idea how this kept happening.. How did she keep figuring out his information??

He ends up just getting lunch with you. He'd rather just spend the time chatting with you. He's not big for matrialistic things.

And he may be reluctant to take your money, but he absolutely will take your food. Good GOD your cooking is good.

Also, take him to a shooting range! That's where you'll get the most fun. Although, pico doesn't do the safety precautions and probably gets you kicked out-

𝐃���𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐥

He also thinks you're dragging him to carry your stuff. What has Nene done to these poor men??

But, he also takes you clothes shopping, but unlike Nene doesn't prioritize things via expense. He is actually reliable. If it's comfortable and you feel nice in it? We're getting it.

Introduces you to some pretty neat designer companies though.

And, honestly? He'd bake with you. You two could chat recipes, he loves baking. Cooking too. Exchanging foods after you two both went nuts in the kitchen. Just uh.. Don't let him near the stove top. He gets a little trigger happy with the gas.

And his dream chill? Sitting in a park, setting fire to a tree and watching that shit burn. Hope you're chill with that!

And if you're looking for a little more thrill? You WILL be running from the cops afterwards! So!

[i-cant-sing]

How do you're ocs treat Reader to a self care day?

Theodore is beating his chest with thunderous hands and opens his arms wide and that is your cue to fucking jump on him and let him cuddle you- cuddle the sadness, the depression, the fatigue OUT OF YOU. At least thats his idea of self care (that and shooting people... and breaking stuff... and causing chaos and destruction) but he'll compromise and do whatever you wanna do, as long as he gets to grumble and hold your hand (at least, he loves physical intimacy). Honestly, u can get him to agree anything u want if u just give him a kiss on the nose- and he will instantly melt. He will still complain, thats non negotiable.

Dimitri is a man of money. He will spend his entire account on you if it pleases you, and if retail therapy is your thing, girl u just hit the jackpot. Of course, hes down for seggsy times too, but thats really his idea of self care and if you wanna do something else, he can put his needs aside for now even though he promises you would've felt 100000 times better by the time he was done with you. But like i said, he's a rich guy, he will give u his credit cards and money if u wanna do something else. Hell, he's even rained them bills on you. "Do you want to jump on a pile of money, pchelka? Hm? I can arrange that for you, darling." (pchelka = little bee)

Eros... the golden boy, the charmer. He will literally sweep u off your feet with how sweet and caring he is omg he will actually drop everything he's doing the moment he hears you sigh out the wrong way. Like you take one breath way too deeply and he's right in front of you, holding your face ever so gently and asking you whats wrong. And you dont even need to tell him anything because he's just so darn smart and he can read you like an open book and thus, he knows what you need. He knows if its a "retail therapy" kinda day or "stay at home, do face masks and watch comfort movies" or "take long bubble baths together" kinda day. Please rant to him, he pays close attention to all of it and has the best and most appropriate reactions and... he just loves your voice. And the thing with Eros is that he doesnt just make it a self car day- no, its a self care days/week/months or however long HE deems that you need it. He's the best, i love him.

Magnus is... not the dude u wanna self care with. Like dont come to him and say "can i have some space/leave the house for a while because I desperately need some me time." because to him that means he needs to STEP TF UP and be there more for you as if u werent already tired of him breathing down your neck 24/7. "Hm, what did you say? You want some space? Oh but angel, that's not what you need. No, silly! God made us for each other, we're soulmates! And we need to be there for each other, in sickness and in health! Aww but I don't blame you for getting confused about what your body needs! Its what happens when you dont have a baby in you. And it has been a while since we had our last! I think its time for baby number 8! :D" And you best believe the cult members are glaring at you through the windows of your house, pointing their pitchforks at you to fucking follow your husband to the bedroom and let him put another baby in you or they will come in to help him do just that (and maybe beat u up a little when he's gone for baby shopping).

You say self care and Lucifer's mind goes to torturing souls and eternal damnation. But thats what he likes, and now that he likes you, he will let you express your preferences. I mean, personally he would kinda try to get u into adding more oil into the fire that burns souls, but he knows you dont like it when they scream... maybe he can pull their vocal cords out?? Hm, maybe. Lucifer allows u to do whatever you wanna do as long as you do it in hell/within the premises of his home(castle, really. Real edgy dark, satany theme going on). One time, you wanted someone to just hold u and since Lucifer is the only one who is allowed to touch you, you climbed into his lap and let him hold u for hours as he sat on his throne, and he swears he's never felt more content in his life than with you softly snoring in his arms and shuffling closer to him every now and then, with him carding a hand through your hair and kissing your soft cheeks.

[onmyyan]

seeing the surge of Delmont brothers content on my feed has my brain churning so I have arrived once more to feed content/ideas

Its high key inspired by the prev anon talking about wanting to cuddle with the boys but I just love the idea of being spoilt rotten since I've never experienced it personally skjfdh

If you're following me so far, consider- princess treatment from the boys. Like Sugar Daddy TM level treatment.

Caspain would never let his darling raise a single hand when he's around. He'll put on a full spa treatment for you, using those skillful hands of his to work out the knots in your shoulders and spine. I mean- he works with dough plenty enough that it's no problem for him to reduce you to a mess. I can also just see him on his knee, taking your foot in his hand and sliding on heels- new ones he's just picked up just for you. How does he know your size? Because practically every other fancy piece of clothing you own was a gift from him. Just imagine his large hands carefully fastening a necklace on his darling, warm fingertips lingering for second before he'll lead them downstairs for a full 3 course meal he's made and a night of fun together out in the town. Show, movie, the whole works!

With Gabe around there's no shot that you drive anywhere. You leaving work? He'll pick you up. Hanging with friends? He'll drop you off AND pick you up afterwards. Delete your uber and lyft app from your phone because there's no shot he'll let some random person take HIS darlin around. He's pulling up in a custom car he's been working on, the pristine V6 engine purring like a kitten by the time you exit your house/apt. Gabe'll be waiting against his car, relishing the opportunity to open the door for you and greeting you with a kiss. If you're hanging with others then he takes the extra steps to escort you to your ride, a firm hand guiding you by the small of your back. Lowkey, okay, maybe high key enjoys the sugar daddy position and just giving you small orders like having you leave your coat at home so you can wear his jacket or having you put on the new choker he's gotten you before he'll arrive to pick you up. Seeins his girl be so good for him just gets him going, ya know?

Ricky finds the retail therapy to be relaxing, especially after a long day of work. Hell, if the work day is real bad I can see him in his office absentmindedly scrolling through his phone while he multitasks- if just to look for new things he wants to put you in. And when going out to shop with you in person, the guy gets a free show, having you do a lil twirl so he can take in all angles so there's no complaints from him. And when he sees the smile on your face??? The shine, the sparkle in your eyes when you find a new scent you want or a blouse that's practically made for you- the mere sight of it melts the tension in him instantly. What he really loves though, is taking out the frustrations of the day on your clothes- the very same one's he's bought for you! The sounds of your torn buttons clattering to the floor as he gets his helping of sugar from you is practically music to his ears. No need to worry though, he'll happily replace them if you behave~ Or don't behave, he'd probably like that better tbh- if just so he can show you who's in charge.

Marcos has expensive tastes as is but with the extra money he makes selling drugs he's more than capable of giving you proper princess treatment. Think VIP lounges and tables at fancy restaurants, he'll even pay a lil extra under the table so you get some much needed privacy for some one on one time... or imagine him presenting you with the prettiest pair of earrings you've ever seen... before quickly turning away so he could wipe the blood off of them proper. Best not to ask about where he gets some of the fancy shit he gives you, the challenge of physically getting the stuff he gives you just appeals a little more than clicking a button on his phone or swiping his card. That aside though, he'll take you wherever you want and likes giving you freedom to dress however you'd like so each time you get together he'll get a cute lil surprise by seeing how you put his lil gifts to use. Out of all the brothers he'd buy you the least amount of clothing, preferring to have you in the fancy stuff he already owns and wears since it really makes him feel like your his.

Manny takes a while to realize that the two of you are in a real sugar daddy kinda thing lol. For him it's only natural to go 110% and spoil your one and only soulmate. When he does realize that his darling really likes that princess treatment though he's going all out. He'd travel the world together, staying and banging in only the finest of hotels and airbnbs. All that romantic stuff you see like people riding gondalas or having dinner at the top of the Effiel tower? He wants to do that with you and will. Probably the least dommy bout spoiling his princess bc he just really wants affection, okay? Not like you could ever deny the puppy dog look he gives you when the guys practically begging for you to try on a new set of lingerie for him.

FLAWLESS OMGDNDMX DMD SLSI S.DI LOVE????? THANK YIU

[mcromwell]

Ayo! New follower here. I love your art and your mind set of just messing around to make cool stuff. but I’ve also seen you love been to at least one convention (I didn’t scroll far enough to see more about conventions) and I wanted to ask. How you did it? I really enjoy making art and I would love to make it a career so this boils down to :

how did you do it? And how can I do it too?

not just like first steps but what happens after that? I’m young enough that if this doesn’t work out I have plenty of time to look into other careers before worrying about paying for rent or necessities with money from my future occupation. I know that everyone’s experience is different but I still hoping you can give me a somewhat clear answer.

thank you for inspiring me

(sorry this ask was so long)

Hello there! Thank you for your message.

These questions are large and hard to answer. Being more specific in your questions helps. "How I did it" is very... large in scope. That question could be answered just by saying, "I did it by never wanting anything else and never losing sight of my goal." But that doesn't help you much. So I'll just try to touch on some key points and contexts.

I'm 32. Only in the last couple years has my practice been enough to make a living doing it. I've always wanted this and literally everything I've done in my life has been to get here. I've worked two jobs my entire working life (age 19-now): retail/customer service and art stuff on the side. Because of the pandemic, I got double unemployment and stimulus checks, which became my initial investment into merch and savings safety net to get started. I started therapy to address my fears of asking for help, my negative self-talk, and catastrophic thinking. (Therapy has helped me with my art so much.) Then I was laid off for real in 2020 and hit the ground running with art. I split rent with roommates, I live very very cheaply, and art is my passion. If art for a living is what you want to do and you're happy to make lots of concessions to get it, this career works. It takes a while to get momentum and regular sales/attention-- just don't quit. The more stuff you do the more people will recognize you and like your work.

It would be dishonest to not address my privilege here, too. My parents have always emotionally supported my practice, my friends too, and I got to go to art school with no debt. I did outside of school art mentorships. My art education experiences taught me a lot of art techniques and self-employed skills and that only happened due to the support of my folks. I had resources a lot of people don't. (Which is why I want to help new artists learn this stuff as much as I can; not everyone is as lucky as I am.)

My advice for you if you want to do what I do, which is being self-employed making and selling art and art merchandise for a living:

Get used to making concessions right at first. Your art career will probably not start out gangbusters, so get used to low sales and saving money and working hard. Make things within your means and grow from there.

Fuck around and find out. Try making merch, try making videos, try things you see other artists doing, try everything and see if it works for how you like to make stuff. I learn so much from YouTube, to be totally honest. Artists are good sharers.

Follow a shit ton of artists and see what works for them. Join artist groups and ask thoughtful, specific questions to learn from those already doing it.

Learn how to write about your art. Write about why you make it. It helps make it more compelling to others. "How to Sell Your Art Online" by Cory Huff is a good book to read for tips on this.

Develop a healthy relationship with art-making. If you sit down at a blank page and it terrifies you: address that first. Don't try to start a business if you're still struggling with making art regularly.

In fact, don't start a business until you're really ready. Art comes first. You can easily do art and build skills and do commissions and run an online shop along with working a job that pays bills reliably while you grow into the artist you're meant to be.

Don't pigeon-hole yourself into only one channel: don't JUST apply to cons, try street fairs too. Don't JUST sell online, get your work into cafes as well. You'll see which routes are more profitable/worth the time as you try them out. Eggs in many baskets, you know.

There's probably a whole essay I could write on this. And you're right--mileage varies between person to person vastly. The part of the world you live in, your access to transportation, education, your mental health, what type of work you like to make, etc. Art careers almost never look the same 1:1 even in fandom spaces like furry/anime. If you're self-made, it will reflect that.

I recommend the YouTube channels Rafi Was Here, Robin Sealark, Cat Graffam, and the website The Abundant Artist (again by Cory Huff) for more resources.

Don't be afraid to take leaps of faith. Try everything. Be true to what works for you and what doesn't feel sustainable. Be authentic with your art and stay true to your interests. And good luck.

[voidpetrova]

lose to love II — stefan salvatore x reader

part 1 can be found here

☄. *. ⋆

content warnings and genre: swearing, miscarriage, grief — angst

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

synopsis: synopsis: all he's ever wanted was a child, and all you've ever wanted was to give him one

✧.*

in the aftermath of the heart-wrenching loss that had shattered both your world and stefan salvatore's, the air around the salvatore boarding house hung heavy with an unbearable silence. the vibrant life that once filled its walls now seemed replaced with an oppressive emptiness that left everyone grappling for words.

stefan, his eyes cast down, became a master of isolation, retreating to the depths of his pain. the vibrant spark that used to animate his every move had dulled, leaving behind a void that even his brother struggled to breach. the relentless pain held him captive, a prisoner in his own grief-stricken heart.

meanwhile, you fought your own battle. your face, a masterpiece of concealment, wore a mask of strength that belied the torrent of emotions within. each shopping trip, each new addition to your wardrobe, was a stitch in the elaborate façade you wove - a tapestry of normalcy hiding the jagged edges of your sorrow.

one day, as the sun cast a warm golden glow on the streets of mystic falls, stefan's voice, raspy yet tender, pierced the veil of your apparent normalcy. “i love you,” he whispered, the words drifting through the air like fragile petals.

but it wasn't stefan who appeared by your side in the wake of his heartfelt confession. instead, it was damon, his gaze a curious mix of concern and amusement as he noted your shopping bags. “you really think retail therapy is gonna fix this?” he quipped, a glint of understanding in his eyes.

you scoffed, slinging your brand new bag that contained a fresh pair of heels you had just purchased, over your shoulder. “leave me alone, damon. it's called coping.” he scoffed, leaning into the reclining chair on your front porch as he eyed you. “i've heard of crying and alcoholism, but shopping the pain away? are you joking?”

“mind your own business, damon,” you shot back, your tone curt as you turned to face him. his lips curved into a half-smile, undeterred by your dismissive response. “oh, i intend to mind my business,” he said, a glimmer of seriousness entering his eyes. “but i also happen to love my brother and sister-in-law. i'm doing what stefan asked me to do—i'm watching over you.”

your eyebrows knitted together, caught off guard by his unexpected sincerity. "this isn't something you can fix, i don't need to be watched over.."

damon's gaze held yours, his tone softening. “i'm not trying to fix anything. just offering a reminder that you don't have to bear this burden alone. stefan loves you, you know.”

you clenched your jaw, a mixture of frustration and sadness welling up within you. “stefan has his own way of dealing with things, just like i do.”

damon's expression remained unwavering. "and isolating yourselves isn't helping either of you. sometimes the pain becomes less unbearable when shared."

your resolve wavered, the walls you'd built cracking slightly under the weight of damon's persistence. “this is our struggle, not yours.”

days turned into weeks, and your life settled into a surreal rhythm. yet, as the sun set and the moon took its place, you found yourself increasingly aware of a persistent presence - damon, watching from the shadows, a sentinel of emotions too complex to put into words.

and then came that fateful day, a crisp breeze carrying a note of change. as you exited the store, your thoughts consumed by the contents of yet another bag, you turned to damon with a determined glint in your eye.

“here,” you said, offering him a folded check, a token of your desperate attempt to buy space for your own grief. “take the money and stop following me, stefan won't know about a thing.”

damon's lips curled into a wry smile as he accepted the check, eyebrows shooting up in surprise. "that's a big load of cash," he mused, his gaze unwavering as he led you to his car. you nodded as your grip tightened around the bag. "i don't exactly have a bank account set up, you mind if we go and cash this?" you nodded, relief flooding you as you obliged, happy to get rid of him once and for all. “no problem.”

the two of you entered his car, with you right next to him. damon folded the check and slid it into his pocket, just before he locked the car doors. you tensed up, a fearful look on your face. “i gotta admit something, (y/n),” he began, his cold tone sending nothing but fear down your spine as he began driving. “stefan didn't really send me to protect you.”

you had missed the bank by a long shot. damon had pulled up into the local park, unfortunately surrounded by the sound of silence and lack of people. “would you look at that, nobody else here. got it all to ourselves,” he murmured as he unlocked the doors. “let me get something from the trunk, go find us a good spot.” your eyes fell on the shovel in the depths of his trunk.

you didn't waste a second getting out—you ran, ran like your life depended on it. your heart pounded in your chest, your anxiety escalating as the gravity of the situation began to sink in. you didn't waste a second; you seized the opportunity and practically threw yourself out of the car, your instincts screaming at you to escape. you ran, your footsteps echoing through the desolate park as if each one carried the weight of your fear. your breath came in ragged gasps, and you pushed yourself harder, driven by an overwhelming need to get away. you glanced back, eyes falling on damon.

“where the hell are you going?”

with a balloon.

“you're not gonna kill me?” your words were nothing but serious, but damon couldn't believe what he was hearing.

“i hadn't planned on it, jesus,” he was exasperated as he stood there like a bobblehead, the string attached to a red ballon in his hand. “if i was gonna kill you, i wouldn't use a balloon. vampire, hello?” he walked towards you, clutching the balloon the way you did your shopping bags.

“what am i supposed to think?” you snapped, your tone defensive as he stood there, now a foot away. “you lie about protecting me and then you lock me in your car and drive off with a shovel in the trunk.”

damon sighed as he met your eyes. “stefan sent me to help you with your grief.”

“you're kidding, right?”

“no!” he exclaimed, wishing his original plan had been to kill you. would have saved him most of the trouble. “look, i know a little something about loss. it can take you to some real dark places, especially if you don't face it head-on.”

he extended his hand, the bright, red balloon now just under your nose. you hesitantly accepted, the toy now in your hand. “what's this for?” damon sighed, but he was grateful you had at least taken the balloon. “the balloon represents the spirit of the life lost. by letting it go, you're acknowledging the pain you feel, and releasing it at the same time.”

you rolled your eyes at the sentiment, but the balloon never left your hand. you couldn't help but scoff, feigning disbelief all the while knowing it pulled at your heartstrings. “that's ridiculous,” you countered. “besides, i don't feel what you think i'm feeling.”

“then it should be real easy.”

“fine. if i do this, will you go?” you were determined to prove your point, as much as you were to get rid of him. he nodded, a silent agreement falling into place.

with a deep breath, you rose from your spot on the ground, your fingers gripping the balloon's string. you stared at the vibrant red balloon, its color standing out against the backdrop of the park. as you gazed at the balloon, memories of your loss flooded back—fragments of joy, excitement, and dreams unfulfilled. your façade of strength began to crack, revealing the raw pain beneath the surface.

“should i say something?” you questioned.

“only if you want to.”

“not really, no.”

“that's cool.”

your gaze dropped to the balloon, back facing damon as you let out an exasperated sigh. the grip you had on it tightened. in that moment, you realized you didn't wanna let go. having a baby, it was all you ever wanted. having a family with your loving husband, who was drowning in his own pity, knuckles bruised and eyes heavy from no sleep—it was all you wanted. you wanted a child. you wanted to be a mother. you wanted to spend your early mornings making your family breakfast and cradling your baby in your arms late at night.

“any time now,” damon said gently. he watched with knowing eyes as you spent the minute holding the balloon, instead of letting go like you insisted on doing.

“this is stupid,” you laughed shakily, your entire body trembling as you stared down at your feet. “i didn't even want this baby.” lies. all you could do was lie to yourself and your brother-in-law. he listened, murmuring a small 'yeah' despite sensing the way you lied to yourself to mask the pain you felt. “and i would've been a terrible mother.”

“if you say so.”

your fingers grazed the round side of the balloon gently, your heart heavy. tears welled up in your eyes as you brought it to your chest, the material digging into your skin. you imagined it to be your unborn baby, their whole fist clenched around one of your fingers, toothless smile stretched on their face. it made you smile, despite the ache in your heart and the tears that slowly began to fall after two weeks of being held up.

“if it was a boy, i was gonna name it giuseppe, after your father,” you trembled as you held onto the balloon, earning another soft 'yeah?' from damon as he listened carefully. “and a girl, lillian. after your mother.”

“whose idea was it?”

you spoke, voice thick with tears. “mine.”

damon smiled, pleased with the sight of you coming to terms with your feelings. “thank you,” you whispered, blinking back your tears. he nodded in response.

damon's eyes held yours, his voice a mere whisper. "let go."

tears welled in your eyes as you struggled to release the string, your knuckles white with the effort. it was a battle against the fear of losing the pain that had become strangely familiar.

and as the balloon soared higher, a tear traced its path down your cheek, the release of the string mirroring the tentative release of your grief. it was in front of you, for a good second—a mere five finger touch away from your face. you so desperately wanted it back in your hands, to cradled it the way you would have your child. it was too late, the balloon only drifting farther and farther away from your reach.

with the park around you, the weight of your emotions began to dissipate, leaving a raw vulnerability in its wake. the balloon continued to float along, just as life. in no time, it disappeared from your sight, leaving you with nothing but the ache in your heart.

[voidandabyssal]

My Horrortale brothers HCs!

horror sans = axe

horror papyrus = crooks

Axe:

much like the actual horrortale comic, Monsters resorted to eating human flesh in order to survive, in my HC, this includes Sans. Years of despreation and hunger eventually drive him to start eating the humans he hunts.

Axe used to feel guilt, at least in the beginning. Once Undyne cracked his poor skull, well, he was just too lazy to feel anything.

He's too far gone to care anymore, and fuck anyone who tries to make him feel guilty. He kept his brother alive, his community alive. That's all he cares about.

He's quiet, The skull injury makes it difficult for him to speak. He's not entirely mute but he his mind moves to fast for his mouth to move. So a lot of the times he'll say parts of a sentence, and it may be disjointed, or he may speak slowly.

he also struggles with memory loss. Remebering things that have happened recently is really tough on him. So hes taken to carrying around a notebook, when he wants to or needs to remember something he writes it down. Then he can just check whenever he needs to.

he stares. Seriously, when he likes something (or someone) he just looks at them. You can tell when he's looking at someone he likes because they'll have his full attention, and if he likes, likes them? His remaining eyelight will be all blown up.

It's cute, creepy, but cute

Once the barrier is broken he struggles to find something to do. Axe spent years just surviving, he never had to worry about what other people thought of him, or how to get a job, or how to get and maintain finances. His skull injury and processing issues make this even harder.

so he bounces jobs for a while, somedays he's a hotdog vendor, sometimes he's a retail clerk, sometimes he's a security guard. Sometimes he's unemployed. You can never guess what he's up to.

he, and every other Monster, receive government money. As restitution for their whole species being locked under ground to suffer. So him and Crooks aren't poor, they're doing pretty okay for themselves

Crooks:

Crooks feels horrible surviors guilt. In the first few years of being on the surface it's something that made him horribly depressed. Even if he hide said depression. He suffers from nightmares of the Underground and all the friends and neighbours he lost for years. It's something he never really gets over.

He wears braces! Crooks needs a lot of dental surgerys and treatments in order to correct the years of abuse Queen (horrortale Undyne) put his teeth through.

When all the identitys of the humans who fell underground and were killed are revealed, Papyrus writes letters to all their families. Apologising on behalf of everyone.

He gets a job as a nurse! After years of study (and therapy) he starts working in Ebott hospital.

He consitently wins employee of the month once he starts working

He and Axe still live together, they don't ever want to live apart from one another. Not after what they went through. So if you wanna smooch Crooks or Axe. You gotta accept the other brother. they're a package deal

he forgives Queen (ht undyne) and Doctor (ht Alphys) for what they did. He doesn't speak to either of them, however.

He largly still remains the same happy skeleton as before, just a lot of his naivite and innocence has been washed away. He's more of a hopful realist then an optimist now.

He and Axe have a cute three bedroom home in the suburbs. It's a quaint cottage. Perfect for the two of them. It's quiet to, which is important for when either of them are struggling with an episode.

did I mention that? Yeah both of them occasionally have flashbacks to the Underground. Sometimes they forget they're not starving, sometimes they're so stuck in a flashback that they end up physically lashing out.

Feel free to send me any askes! I'll answer anything!!

[mordcore]

for those of you like me, who are poor and can't afford to buy things just because they are pretty, and who struggle with spending or impulse control, some advice on how i learnt to stop buying the pretty things anyway:

notice which websites and stores make you buy things and spend too much money. and stop going there. don't open that online store. just do not. block it from your browser if necessary, there's probably plugins for that.

don't go into the irl store, or limit visits to a few times a year, and make a budget. eg. "i can spend €50 in darkstore today" because i actually have the €50, and if i don't, i better don't go at all. yes your friends who want to go with you might be annoyed or disappointed, but if they really are your friends, they'll understand that poverty is no joke and neither is impulsive spending. you can hang out in the park or at your home instead it's gonna be okay.

notice things that make you want to seek out those stores. for me it was the rush of buying new things to cope with feelings of loss of control over my life ("retail therapy"). find better coping methods. i find that badly playing a song i like on the guitar and singing along, or making a drawing or collage about my feelings or about something else is a great way to cope with difficult emotions, and there are other good skills as well like talking to a friend, taking a walk, cutting or dying my own hair, exercise such as hitting a punching bag, doing as many pushups as you can, running as fast as you can; watching a comfort show or playing a comfort game, taking personality tests online, and there are many other options because not everything works for everyone nor for every situation: dbt skills pdf

identify your needs and find activities that help you with them. 👍 this goes for any kind of emotional struggle and maladaptive coping btw it's just that impulse buying lead me to so much more stress down the road but i got a lot better at it and thought i'd share some of what helped me

[life-winners-liveblog]

Oh I hope she sings 7 wings! That one's my favourite!

(get it because parrot wings grian)

Ariana Griande:... That's a classic! Well then, let's do this.🎶🎵 Yeah, breakfast at Tiffany's and bottles of bubbles, girls with tattoos who like getting in trouble, lashes and diamonds, ATM machines, buy myself all of my favorite things.🎵🎶

Scott: This songs doesn't really fit Grian but it does at the same time?

Pearl: Well I think he makes it work.

Scott: Oh he definitely does.

Ariana Griande: 🎵Been through some bad shit, I should be a sad bitch, who woulda thought it'd turn me to a savage? Rather be tied up with calls and not strings write my own checks like I write what I sing, yeah.🎶

Martyn: Ironic considering he didn't even wrote this song It's just karaoke.

LimL!Jimmy: Why do you have to be so...

Martyn: You just gestured to all of me.

LimL!Jimmt: Yeah... I did didn't I?

Ariana Griande: My wrist, stop watchin', my neck is flossy. Make big deposits, my gloss is poppin'You like my hair? Gee, thanks, just bought itI see it, I like it, I want it, I got it I want it, I got it, I want it, I got it, I want it, I got it, I want it, I got it. You like my hair? Gee, thanks, just bought it,I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it.

LimL!Jimmy: I got lost halfway...

Ariana Griande: 🎶🎵Wearing a ring, but ain't gon' be no "Mrs." Bought matching diamonds for six of my bitches. I'd rather spoil all my friends with my riches, think retail therapy my new addiction, whoever said money can't solve your problems must not have had enough money to solve 'em. They say, "Which one?" I say, "Nah, I want all of 'em"Happiness is the same price as red bottoms, my smile is beamin', my skin is gleamin'the way it shine, I know you've seen it I bought a crib just for the closet, both his and hers, I want it, I got it, yeahI want it, I got it, I want it, I got itI want it, I got it, I want it, I got it.🎵🎶

Martyn: How does he do that thing with his mouth when he censores stuff?

Scott: I... uhhhh... don't know.

Ariana Griande: You like my hair? Gee, thanks, just bought it I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it Yeah, my receipts, be lookin' like phone numbers, if it ain't money, then wrong number. Black card is my business card, the way it be settin' the tone for me, I don't mean to brag, but I be like, "Put it in the bag, " yeah. When you see them racks, they stacked up like my ass, yeah.

Pearl: Wooo!

Scott: How does he have the breath for it?

Ariana Griande: 🎵🎵Shoot, go from the store to the booth, ake it all back in one loop, give me the loot. Never mind, I got the juice, nothing but net when we shoot. Look at my neck, look at my jet. Ain't got enough money to pay me respect, ain't no budget when I'm on the setIf I like it, then that's what I get, yeah.🎶🎶

LimL!Jimmy: Why did my Grian never do this?!? It's damn impressive!

Ariana Griande: I want it, I got it, I want it, I got it I want it, I got it, I want it, I got it You like my hair? Gee, thanks, just bought itI see it, I like it, I want it, I got it.

[silk-fleur]

seeing such a soft, kind woman in finance is really interesting! i hope you know women like me are clapping for your achievement. if you feel comfortable, share some tips about personal finance with the girlies, too!

Thank you dear for your kind message!! And for the personal finance tips, I'd start with the most basic one but so so important - stay away from any unnecessary debt, especially credit cards. They give you the false idea of the funds you actually have. I've never had a credit card but I'd only get one to use in very urgent cases (like an accident or medical costs) and even in those scenarios I'd recommend to treat the credit card money as what they really are - a loan from the bank. Besides that, I suggest regularly going through you bank account statements (at least once a week!!!) to analyze all your transactions and see on what you're spending your money. It's very important to actually see the numbers, because now when most of the transactions are digital many people don't have the seanse of "reality" when it comes to spending money. And my last tip (disclaimer: might sound a bit extreme and unnecessary but I've been using this method for 4 years and it works great for me) is to after you get your salary and you pay all your bills/ the things you have to pay - transfer at least 50 % the money left to your savings account and to leave it there. Then every time you go shopping or want to purchase something you have to take the money out of the savings. This method made me way more cautious with my spendings and made me thing twice before I buy something (and I have a tendency to impulse buying and love good retail therapy) 💌

[natreads]

life has been so strange recently and I'm not on here as much. I work extra at the bookstore and it makes me both happy and impatient, because that's not where I WANT to be, you know? happy and grateful for a job at all in this economy, but I'm so so tired of fighting for the life I want and not getting anywhere close to it. the bookstore is probably the best case scenario of retail jobs though. I'm surrounded by books and (mostly) lovely customers and I do really like all my coworkers and I'm comfortable and it doesn't give me any anxiety like every other job I've ever had, but it also messes with my energy so my freelancing is all over the place. but maybe I can't fully blame that. I felt I didn't give it my all last year either. everything is understimulating and not challenging enough but I'm also just. so tired.

I'm going back to therapy next week because I need to finally get some help for the random depressive episodes I have. the first half of january was so good. SO good. and for no particular reason. then it became so bad. also for no particular reason. I just have random bursts of not finding life worth living. but I love life. I love my family and friends and art and books and writing and traveling and the moon and sunshine and laughter and going dancing. but I sometimes kind of just don't want to be alive. it's been like this for 15 years. I don't think it's normal.

I ddin't get that job, but I might have an internship opportunity, but since it's not via school I need to figure out how to go about it. if I can get financial aid or something. it's at a publishing house and while I'm 99% certain it won't lead to a job, it will most definitely give me knowledge and experience that I lack. so that's good if I can figure all that out.

I've been reading. I find my hunger for reading is back and it's beautiful. I'm trying to save money. I'm trying to figure out what I need in order to not feel so behind in life. I feel so pathetic all the time. I can't reach the main things I need. the bigger ones. so I'm trying to change things by changing small things. I'm super discouraged after my most recent depressive episode. I don't know if I'll ever be where I want. a character in the book I'm reading (yerba buena by nina lacour) is having similar feelings. it's comforting but also stresses me out, because she's younger and has more things figured out after all. but it's also nice to see I guess. I went out to dinner with my extended family to celebrate my mom's birthday and my cousin, who's the same age as me but married with a child, was joking about being on top of the chain now, even though he has an older sister, and I joked about how my younger brother, who is getting married in the summer, has passed me and I'm in the bottom now. my aunt was actually really offended that I was putting myself down like that, but it helps to make jokes about it, because I definitely think it's true even if I don't necessarily think that's the case for other people who are in my position. but I think I'm a failure. it's getting worse. I don't know what to do. but on the other hand, there are worse chains to be at the bottom of than this one. I'm so lucky. I'm so so fucking tired.

[boltedfruit]

Employment Struggles

I'm going to do something shocking and use this as an actual blog post.

I am SO sick and tired of applying to jobs, only to be ignored completed, or even worse the interview is scheduled and then the role is filled before I can interview. Today the interview was cancelled a minute before the scheduled time. Then the person who would be interviewing me ignored me on email and phone.

I am mentally exhausted. I am broke all the time. I don't get unemployment because I've never been eligible for it. The only good thing about this is that I have full healthcare coverage and food stamps.

I am a medical assistant with experience, I am a certified professional medical coder with internship experience, I have experience in retail, yet I cannot even get a call back from McDonald's, let alone a good healthcare job.

I've considered becoming a behavioral health tech, but I just truly don't want to be hit/bitten at work. I also couldn't deal with the families of children disagreeing with a preset therapy plan while I'm physically stuck in their home. The other options I was looking at was security, or 911 dispatcher, but dispatch classes are few and far between into next year, and also expensive. And security can be dangerous.

At this point, being 30 and just defeated by how unsuccessful I am in life, I am considering going to a trade school. Like welding. Or automobile tech or something that is actually in demand. There is literally no other options for me and I'm literally five minutes outside of San Francisco. I am mildly considering an IT course, but tech is so unstable and unsafe while also being over saturated right now and I don't trust it. But then, you have to deal with stereotypical personalities in 'conservative' trade jobs too. The other risk is I spend time and money doing a trade school and then no one wants to hire me (like I've done twice now). I don't know what to do.

The trades I'm considering:

Electrician

Welder (part of machinist trade) (honestly this is most appealing to me)

Aircraft Maintenance Technology (Can't hurt with SFO next to me and their planes literally falling to pieces in the sky every week)

HVAC (still don't really understand what this job even is)

The guilt I'm feeling is that I am about to finish my BA in psychology next month, and I'm waiting to hear back from the two colleges I applied to for a Master's to become a therapist. If I get in to my top choice, that's $60k+ I'll need to fund. If I get into the state school, which is slim, that's likely covered by school loans, but I'll still want to make some kind of income for three years I'm in the program. If I don't get into either program, then my last choices are: work while getting med school pre-reqs done, or work while doing an online MFT program (which I really don't want to do an online only program but if it's accredited at the end of the day I don't care.) The online only school would also be $60k+ so I'd need to work regardless.

I'm feeling guilty too because I've never been the fanartist who can drop a new print and have thousands of followers want it. I can't make money that way. Commissions have always been my most lucrative offering as an artist, but it's often mentally very taxing. It's also unstable. I don't have a lot of followers to drum up a successful pays-my-rent-every-month Patreon, and with the way of algorithms and sites are these days, I likely won't ever. I'm not trying to complain for sympathy, but this is just how it's been for me.

I know it's stupid to feel guilty for things like this, but I just am in this nebulous space between being apparently unemployable while also not being unemployable enough to receive livable benefits while continuing job hunting.

So I guess I'm looking for opinions on trade professions. I'm trans, but I pass masc in public save for my voice really. I also am not the kind of person to wear pride pins or color my hair rainbow, which would draw attention that way. I'm not too concerned about mean people in a trade job, because honestly the rudest people I've worked with have been in healthcare anyway. And a trade job would mean no customer service positions/working with my hands, which requires little mental gymnastics.

Also pointless, but true, I keep thinking of Debbie in Shameless getting her welder certification after becoming a teen parent.

I guess the takeaway here is, I'm more willing to be hurt on the job by a machine mistake on my part than I am willing to be hurt by other people assaulting me (very real in healthcare jobs/security) while working.

What do you think?

[itsmeanyango]

The Luckiest week in Astrology 2023: What is Jupiter in Taurus bringing you?

The Sun, Moon, Mercury, Jupiter Uranus and North Node in Retrograde are in Taurus, the patient planet of beauty.

The Sun represents spotlight.

The Moon represents feelings and emotions.

Mercury represents communication and neighborhood.

Jupiter represents luck and expansion.

Uranus represents revolution. The type of change that brings restructure.

North Node represents whats meant to be, in retrograde it means review what is meant to be.

This energy with the sun in Taurus will last until end of Taurus season on May 21st.

The Moon will impact your feelings for three days until May 19th

Mercury will impact your communication and neighborhood until June 11th. Mercury was retrograde and you felt the stagnancy, resistance and strain then. Now you slow but surely will see the beauty of it all.

Jupiter will impact you until May 24 2024. Take advantage!

North Node in Retrograde will impact you until July 12th when it leaves Taurus.

Let's talk a little bit about the New Moon in Taurus.

On May 5th there was a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Scorpio. I made a post about it here. Scorpio is directly opposite Taurus, they are in opposition. Go back to what the Eclipse brought, removed or taught you. Which house was the eclipse in? Now look at this Moon in Taurus and see what the new beginnings are, Taurus softens the harshness of that eclipse because the universe does not pelt rocks at her children. One hard transit does not mean it's over for you, the universe ALWAYS has your back and will ALWAYS bring softness and tenderness to you. All you have to do is pay attention.

There's a prayer that can help you, the serenity prayer. You can customise it to suit you but here is how it goes:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

This is what this transit may mean for you depending on the house you have Taurus in your chart using whole sign:

In the 1H: People's perception of you, spotlight on you, being talked to beautifully or longing kind words and encouragement,self image success, review who you really want to be known as.

In the 2H: Your money looks good, emotional spending or retail therapy,money mantras or being told how money you seem, growth in income, review your relationship with money.

In the 3H: Beautiful relationship with siblings/cousins or wishing for such,be careful not to butter up the wrong person, postive affirmations, reviewing your conversations and self talk.

In the 4H: Making a beautiful home, memories back then, My home essay, expansion in family whatever family means to you, review what family is to you.

In the 5H: Beautiful face because of hair, your hair is beautiful please don't believe the negativity,letter to my younger self, nurturingy inner child, review how I treated younger me and how younger me and as treated.

In the 6H: Creating beautiful routines,only seeing the good of something,writing down plans,I have grown and evolved from that, review how you do things and figure out how they have worked for you so far.

In the 7H: Spotlight on Beautiful relationships(not just romantic), feeling like the beautiful relationships are too good to be true, self sabotaging beautiful relationships because of old mindsets, relationships bringing growth but remember growth can be painful, review the growth you have gone through.

The 7H has a lot. When Jupiter was transiting your 6H(Aries), you really had a hard time because things were moving so fast and your health was not at its best then so many plans were burning down. While others were enjoying Jupiter in Aries, you were in a hot oven. It must have been very hard, you deserve comfort. You deserve a break. It's going to be slow, but you will heal and get back up. Get back up again from the animation Trolls(and sung by Anna Kendrick) would be a good song for you, have a listen or play it on repeat.

In the 8H: Noticing how beautiful others resources are, jealousy or gratitude, asking for help(might be talking to investors), receiving support that propels you,healing from trauma, review your perception of who deserves and who does not deserve to be wealthy.

Someone is healing from sexual trauma and shame. I'm happy you get to experience this peace and freedom ❤️

In the 9H: Learning about beauty,reviewing your perception of beauty, talking or writing about beauty standards, expanding your knowledge on beauty, review your beauty standards objectively

In the 10H: Spotlight on career, zero in on what is most attractive to you career wise, feeling called to a certain career direction, writing the most beautiful cover letters and applications,promotions or getting into the career you wanted,review your career choices, they keep changing, why do they?

In the 11H: Seeing and desiring beautiful networks, going to places around you to see if you can get networks or making beautiful networks around you, meeting someone and realizing you landed a stroke of luck, review your networks especially on social media, are your connections good for your wellbeing?

In the 12H: Being open to mental health practices, feeling the fog lift, journaling, realizing what seemingly beautiful thing is making your mental health tank, reviewing what works and what does not work for your mental health.

The Moon was in Taurus on Wednesday, a good day to communicate your feelings because Mercury rules Wednesday.

The Moon is still in Taurus on Thursday, a good day to get philosophical about what you love because Jupiter rules Thursday.

The Moon is still in Taurus on Friday, indulge in beauty self care because Venus rules Friday.

The New moon in Taurus is on Friday, a good time to start or restart something beautiful.

Taurus is also ruled by Venus, love yourself ×10

Taurus rules the voice, honor your voice.

You can book a reading with me here follow our Tiktok here our Twitter here our YouTube here and our Pinterest here

Astrology and Human Design Simplified. AHDSimplified.

[lcurencc]

LAURENCE PLAYLIST;

primadonna; i know i've got a big ego i really don't know why is such a big deal though.

anti-hero; it's me, hi, i'm the problem it's me at tea time everybody agrees.

oops, i did it again; i've played with your heart got lost in the game, ops you think i'm in love?

s&m; cause i may be bad but i'm perfectly good at it, stick and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me.

bubblegum bitch; i'll chew you up and i'll spit you out cause that's what young love is all about.

7 rings; think retail therapy my new addiction, whoever said money can't solve your problems must not have enough money to solve them.

glamorous; we flyin' the first class, up in the sky poppin' champagne, livin' my life in the fast lane I won't change by the glamorous.