#reylo isn’t even brought up in the post

[kittenfangirl20]

I hate it when someone does something like this, the post doesn’t mention Reylo at all, yet the person felt the need to tag the post anti Reylo. Reylo really living rent free in their heads if they have to mention being anti Reylo in a post where Reylo is not brought up in.

[no-where-new-hero]

omg I need your thoughts on the terminally o line author culture bc ngl it makes my eye TWITCH, there are authors I deliberately avoid even tho I've heard their stuff is good bc they're like that 🙈

HHHHH oh good lord, okay, from how I see it, there are two angles on this, both aggravating and sad: the official decree one and the spontaneous ecosystem one.

The officious one is that the nature of publishing nowadays demands an author have an online presence. You need Twitter/X. You need to let every potential reader know your book is coming out. You need engagement through reviews and pre-orders incentives (if you buy now you’ll get a special keychain!!) and word of mouth assurances from your peers that yes your book is as cool as you say it is. You need a newsletter with links (more buying! more voting on lists that are simply popularity contests!) and promises you’re still working on the next thing, don’t forget about me in the morass of everyone else doing the same thing. You need an Instagram and TikTok now to post pretty pictures and videos because one or two authors made it big off this kind of promotion and now everyone thinks it’s the ticket to the bestseller list (sadly, it seems to be working). You need an OnlyFans (a joke but I do recall a twt spat that was a joke/not joke about how rupi kaur will always be more beautiful than her critics and people who took issue with the conflation of beauty with talent). At the end of all this, you’re basically an influencer, a content creator creating content for the content you should be focusing on creating, the finished novel. And the novel itself seems to be disappearing behind the masks used to promote it (fanfic-style tropes, moodboards, playlists, memes) until I now no longer trust the book that I’ll pick up to have any resemblance to the enticements that brought me here. I’ve seen an author or two complain about the stress all this self-promotion generates, but it’s become such an entrenched part of the industry, I think people just accept it. And thus spend too much time online hoping that if they tweet just a little more, produce just one more reel, maybe that’ll be the difference between a sale and no sale.

The other side of this, distinct but obviously connected, is the ecosystem created by this panic of being perpetually visible coupled with the fact that so many of the new authors came of age during the rise of internet fandom culture. That opinionated community mindset that blurs the line between anonymity and friendship is the lens they bring to their own work. I mean, it makes sense I suppose—if you love yelling about characters and words, why wouldn’t you do that once you start to produce your own? This really came home to me hearing about that reviewbombgate “scandal” and how people involved were in reylo circles and that was used to provide receipts. You’re interacting with your readers and peers about your intimate work but they are also all strangers. They will not always give you the benefit of the doubt, and now—as opposed to the past when maybe the worst that could happen was a handful of bad reviews in newspapers—you will either be tagged in hate reviews, sub-tweeted, explicitly called out, demanded to atone for your sins. It’s no longer the morality of consumption but the morality of production. Of course, the easy answer is just log-off, touch some grass. But that can work only when you and everyone else are separated by anonymous accounts or when you have no platform to maintain. As an author trying to make your livelihood from this, suddenly it’s do or die. We’re in a strange moment of authorship bringing the Internet’s echo-chamber and claustrophobic into the real world (this is a lie: publishing now is no longer the real world. But it looks like it) and thus you can kind of no longer escape things.

Will the average reader who isn’t aware of all these machinations care about reviewbombgate? Would a reader browsing at Target think about the controversies around Lightlark? Very likely not. But the impression I’m getting more and more is that the average reader isn’t the one buying all the books. Or shall we say—a bestseller’s status relies on bookstore stock. Bookstore stock is only huge when they know a book will be a good investment. They’ll only know a book is a good investment if it and its author has street cred based on booktokkers, bookstagram, bloggers and reviewers (have you noticed how many books out these last maybe 1-3 years have these kinds of accounts thanked in the acknowledgments? Yeah), and THESE are also chronically online people who will Know. And decide the cast of fate.

Honestly, @batrachised, I see why you avoid these kinds of writers, though I wonder how long it’ll be before the disease becomes epidemic.

[sagemcmae]

20 Questions - Writer’s Edition

Thank you for tagging me @chierafied​ 💕💕💕

How many works do you have on AO3? 79

What’s your total AO3 word count? 1,820,522

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? Technically, 2 (Star Wars and Inuyasha), though it looks like (5) because of the cross-overs

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Hit Me With Your Best Shot (Reylo) He angled his head away just enough for her attempt to miss before he brought both her arms down in front of her, so he could wrap his hand around both of her wrists. With his free hand, he cupped her face, forcing her to look at him.  “It’s done.” He had a warning tone in his voice. “Yield.” MMA fighter, Kylo Ren is suspended from the league and sentenced to community service at his uncle’s martial arts academy. There he meets Rey Niima, a recent graduate with a natural ability and incredible potential. Two Truths & a Lie (Reylo) “My favorite color is black.” “I prefer pizza over cake.” “I think I'm falling in love with you.” Or in others words, Kylo Ren, Editor-in-Chief, should not drink alone with his beguiling staff writer, Rey Andor after hours. Silver & Gold (SessKag) Kagome finds a wounded stray in the park and takes him in. Seemingly indifferent to her, the dog serves as a quiet companion who eases her loneliness. He becomes a constant in her routine until one night changes everything. Kagome wakes up to an arm draped around her waist — a pale arm with purple markings. Lessons in Parenting (SessKag) Sesshomaru finds Rin not as a child but as an infant. Unsure how to care for a baby, he seeks help from the only trustworthy human he knows: his brother's miko. *2nd Place Winner - 'Best Characterization' for Feudal Connection's 2021 3rd Quarterly Inuyasha Fandom Awards!* If Found, Please Return (Reylo) Rey knows what it's like to be abandoned, so when she returns a lost dog to his posh Manhattan address, she gives his owner an earful. The only problem is, the dog's owner isn't the arrogant redhead she screamed at. It's Ben Solo, the world-renowned actor. And he's just offered her a job.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not? Yes (or at least I try to). If someone takes the time to read my story and leave me a note, I want to thank them. Each time I see a new note in my Inbox, I’m like 😍😍😍 And I understand how busy RL can be so I appreciate anyone who takes the time to let me know their thoughts.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? If you’ve read my work, you know I’m not big on sad endings. I prefer happy ones, mostly because life is draining enough as it is. But in terms of fic endings, if I had to pick one, I’d say: Before the Dawn.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? This is a tough one. I guess it depends on how you define ‘happiest’. If you categorize it by the fluffiest (it’s all about the feel-good vibes 🥰 ), then I’d have to go with Melt or First Words for the SessKag fandom and Sight Unseen for the Reylo fandom.

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written? Yes. I’m not sure if it’s the craziest one, but the one I’m most proud of is Happenstance which is my Inuyasha/Harry Potter crossover, featuring SessKag. I put a lot of research into it to meld the worlds together without compromising what makes each fandom so special to me. It’s definitely the fic that I’m most proud of writing.

Have you ever received hate on a fic? Yep, a lot of people think Reylo is a toxic relationship. And there are those who have strong feelings about SessKag too. Some have commented to me about the fact that Yashahime is canon and SessKag is dead....which makes me laugh but whatever helps you sleep at night.

Do you write smut? If so what kind? I have but lately it’s been a struggle. I focus more on intimacy (in whatever form that takes depending on the pace of the story).

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I’m aware of...

Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes, a few have been translated into Spanish and Russian.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Waaaaaaay back in the FFnet days, a friend and I co-wrote a fic together but between our RL schedules we never finished. I actually don’t even know if it’s still posted since it was under her account.

What’s your all time favorite ship? That’s another tough one. TRoS really burned me and my love of Star Wars has suffered for it.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? Of Scales & Sky. I was so excited about this fic but my motivation has died from all the discourse in the fandom and the on-going saga of bad decisions Disney makes in regards to the SW franchise.

What are your writing strengths? Characterization is very important to me. Even if I’m putting the characters is a very non-canon premise, I want them to remain as in-character as possible.

What are your writing weaknesses? Finding the time to write. 🥲 This year has been particularly chaotic for me for several reasons.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? I did write some Japanese when I re-entered the SessKag fandom with Silver & Gold. I had one very adamant reviewer who kept DM-ing me that I sounded stupid and should stop. It was very discouraging. After asking around in the fandom, other writers suggested doing what I wanted but if I’m writing in English, the primary language should remain English.

What was the first fandom you wrote for? Labyrinth. When I was 13, my friend and I used to go to her house after school, sit on separate couches across from each other on our separate laptops, and write fanfiction. (*smiles* those were great times!) I often wrote in my notebooks (instead of taking notes in class) and was constantly posting on FFnet. But I also never finished anything because I was constantly distracted by other things.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? That’s like asking which child is my most favorite. 😂🤣😂 Happenstance is the fic that I’m most proud of. I feel like as a writer, it was the most challenging for me because of the continuity of the story line with the element of mystery. Shadow Song was written on a whim and quickly became one of my favorites and then there is Sanguis Sanguinem Meum which flowed so naturally that I wrote the entire thing in a couple of months.

Tagging: @sereia1313 @harlecorn @tmwillson3 @reysexualkylo

[anironsidh]

AnironSidh 2020 fic and moodboard masterpost

I didn’t write very much this year between the general mess of 2020 and senior year, but here’s what I did manage to write this year (sorted by fandom). If there’s no chapter count for a fic, it’s a oneshot

Queen/BoRhap

Just Keep Losing My Beat || jimercury Hogwarts au. Freddie Mercury/Jim Hutton (jimercury), Brian May/Roger Taylor (maylor). Hogwarts au, found family, maylor, jimercury, i will post more soon. Chapters: 7/?

Summary: Hogwarts is not ready for Freddie Mercury. Not even close.In which Brian May is trying to be successful, Roger Taylor is just confused, John Deacon doesn't want the spotlight, and Freddie Mercury just wants to find somebody to love and make his place in the world.

(Love Of My Life) Don't Leave Me || hardzello (for borhap summer cast event) for the @queenandborhapevents and written for @johndeaconshands. Hardzello, fluff, happy ending, love confessions, first kiss

Summary: Joe's worried about what kind of future he and Ben may have once the movie is no longer keeping them in the same place, and he may find something more waiting for him to ask. - Written for johndeaconshands on tumblr for the BoRhap Summer Event 2020

Love Was Such An Easy Game To Play || tyob 2020 gift fic for xofunghoul / @heybuddy-drabbles. This fic was for the @queenandborhapevents two years of borhap event. hardzello, flashbacks, fluff, picnic, proposal.

Summary: A look back at how Ben and Joe figured things out, got together, made a home with each other, and in which Joe has just one question in mind. - A gift fic for xofunghoul and the two years of borhap exchange on tumblr (modded by @maz-zello and myself). Prompt was for hardzello, fluff, domestic moments. I think I did pretty well, let me know what y'all think in the comments!

Phandom/Dan and Phil

For The Dreams of Youth || phandom reverse bang 2020 parent!phan au for the @phandomreversebang 2020. art by @akikaji and beta @rainbowchristy. Dan/Phil, fluff, parent!phan Chapters 2/3

Summary: Dan isn't quite sure about a kid of his own. It hadn't felt like a possibility, not until recently. He may find that he's more ready than he expected. Dan and Phil's journey towards parenthood told through a series of videos to one day hand over to their child.

I Wonder When We're Gonna Make It || phandom reverse bang 2020 (1980s au), for the phandomreversebang 2020. Dan/Phil, queen references, 1980s au, period typical homophobia, happy ending, angst with fluff. Chapters 1/2. art by @luisaloveshoney and betaed by @i-might-leave-soon / @eilidh 

Summary: When a new neighbor moves into the town that Daniel Howell has lived in his entire life and finds his safe spot in the town's vineyard, he will challenge Dan's view of himself and his town. Soon enough, they find themselves in an attraction nothing like Dan's ever known and one that those around them cannot understand. This may be Dan's only chance to escape and truly be himself. - A fic for a phandom reverse bang 2020 prompt in which Dan and Phil live near a vineyard, sneak grapes, drink stolen wine, and fall in love despite the times (1980s). Also, in which I project my love for queen onto Dan, because Muse doesn't exist yet and because I can.

I Ain't Gonna Face No Defeat a good omens au for the @phandomreversebang 2019, masterpost and art by @hiwatari-art here. Dan/Phil, good omens au, post bookshop scene, Crowley!Dan x Aziraphale!Phil. betaed by phanandpenguins/ @ringsandbutterflies

Summary: Daniel Howell has been stationed on earth for six thousand years, his only constant companion Phil Lester, an angel of Heaven. When his angel is nearly taken away from him he begins to realize just how important Phil is to him. -the bar scene in ep6 of good omens where Aziraphale is discorperated and Crowley is in the bar mourning him- Please be sure to check the art by hiwatari! Thanks to phanandpenguins for their beta work!

Good Omens

Songs Full Of Sad Things || Ineffable Husbands Raphael!Crowley for the good omens big bang. Crowley was Raphael, eventual happy ending, angst and fluff, wip. Chapters 8/15

Summary: -Crowley and Aziraphale are quite happy in their new Tadfield cottage five years after Armageddon, or rather, the armageddon-that-wasn't. They've settled into a routine with each other and the Them. Everything seems fine. Anathema and Newton are even getting married soon. -And then everything Crowley has built up for the last 6,000 years comes tumbling down with a visit from Gabriel and the revelation of his past, of how high he Fell. He hadn't wanted to remember his past as an archangel. Not now. His past is told bit by bit while those brought together by the almost-end of the world must pick up the pieces. - aka Crowley was the archangel Raphael, Gabriel's a dick, and Aziraphale just wants to help. Also, Warlock WILL fight anyone who hurts his Nanny, even God.

As You Wish || Good Omens/Princess Bride au, inspired by @anotherwellkeptsecret. Princess bride au, another one I promise i will get back to, eventual happy ending. Chapters 2/?

Summary: Warlock is sick and Nanny Ashtoreth reads him a story of romance and swordfights, perhaps inspired by a certain angel she knows. In which Aziraphale is Buttercup and in love with the handsome Crowley, a farm boy. When he is reported dead, killed by the Dread Pirate Nutter, Aziraphale falls into despair and eventually agrees to marry the devious Prince Gabriel. He is kidnapped by a con artist, Beelzebub, and their two henchmen in order to start a war. Crowley, who survived his rumored attack, rescues him from the trio. They must now free Aziraphale from Gabriel's clutches if they wish to have a new life with each other. Inspired by anotherwellkeptsecret on tumblr (penumbra on ao3)

Before I Lose You || gomens holiday swap gift for @gregayy and the Good Omens Holiday Exchange. post-canon, fluff with a sprinkling of angst but there’s barely any tbh, ineffable husbands, (technically for the gomens 2019 holiday swap, but it was posted on the third of january so I’m including it)

Summary: Armageddon has been averted, and yet their troubles are far from over. Heaven and Hell want their revenge for a Plan foiled. Crowley knows this far too well, knows he has far too little time for what he's wanted for so many centuries... Aziraphale. Believing they may not live to see another sunset, they take a step usually taken by humans. They've only got this one chance, don't they?aka they get married, believing they may not have another chance to, as requested by gregayy/scmnz

Can't You See || good omens ficlet for @wheeloffortune-design. Ineffable husbands, ficlet, happy ending, first kiss

Summary: Crowley being brave - wheeloffortune-design on tumblr. Based on this art, I think I wrote this instead of studying for a midterm lmao

Hobbit/LOTR

By His Side || Happy Hobbit Holiday 2020 Bagginshield fic for KeyWolf25888 for the @haveahappyhobbitholiday 2020 exchange. Gen, M/M, Bilbo/Thorin, happy ending, fluff, bilbo stays in erebor fic

Summary: Bilbo Baggins is just staying in Erebor for now, just until he knows every member of the Company will be alright after the Battles, but his feelings for a certain dwarven king may change his plans just slightly.Or, a Bilbo Stays In Erebor fic as requested by KeyWolf25888 for the Have A Happy Hobbit Holiday 2020 exchange! I haven't done much Hobbit fic in a while, but it was nice to get back to these characters. 

Reylo

you're nothing, but not to me || reylo fix-it. Rey/Ben Solo, poe/finn, tros fix it fic bc i was mad after watching that movie, I promise I’ll get back to it soon I just need to work out the plot (and it could also use a beta, if anyone’s interested) Chapters 3/?

Summary: The aftermath of the victory. They may have won, but what comes next? What happens when the battle is won, when the fight is over, but a former enemy is brought into their midst? What happens when Rey brings a near-death Ben Solo back with her? The remaining Resistance is not willing to forgive him easily for what he has done as Kylo Ren. It will not be easy, but it must be done.

Moodboards

Phandom/Dan and Phil

Phandom Reverse Bang 2020 Pride Au Moodboard, fics by @judearaya and @counting2fifteen Summary: Dan goes to pride for the first time, traveling to London on his own. He hasn't come out to his family yet, just a random person online called amazingphil. At pride, he sees a man (Phil) on a float and decides he has to talk to him. Eventually (maybe after a few times hanging out/dates) he finds out that Phil is amazingphil. The moodboard for my prb 2020 pride au, with fics by counting2fifteen and judearaya!

Queen

Royal Maylor au honeymoon in Japan

Queen Iliad au with hardzello, maylor, and deacury

Brian’s Birthday moodboard

Maylor Hamilton au

Jimercury Sad moodboard (hurts like hell)

Reylo

Titanic au

Moodboard for You’re Nothing, but not to me

Reylo good omens au

Moodboard for the Heartbreak Prince, fic by the wonderful @kylorenvevo (Thea)

Reylo Frankenstein au, idea partially by @indefinitelyindia

[halfemptygirlrps-archive]

Polyamory CAN work (long post)

As a black, queer woman who could very well be poly, I am always looking for content to feed my soul and have for a few years now. I know I grumble about white/het couples a lot which makes me sound some kind of way but I ship a ton of white couples, that isn’t the problem. It’s the way representation is stepped on these days with toxic white couples being seen as true love that upsets me. And this is coming from a chick that lowkey ships Reylo.

I don’t understand and never will why writers in 2020 think that the only demographic there is are the people who can’t handle seeing anything but a white male and a white female be together. Interracial relationships CAN and DO work and f/f or m/m relationships or any race CAN work, so guess what, so can relationships involving three or more people and while difficult, it can work, even if the people are different races.

My annoyance also stems from Poly woman really getting shat on when writers hit a wall. Very few times have I seen it work out and that’s so stupid to me because she shouldnt’ have to choose.

I start with Wynonna Earp, a CLEARLY Poly woman with a strong sexual appetite that never gets shamed. She loved both Dolls and Doc and though Shamier left the show effectively forcing her to Doc, they still made it clear that she was poly and capable of having feelings for more than one man when they brought in Charlie. He was patient and sweet and while all three men wanted Wynonna to themselves, they NEVER gave her an ultimatum and even while PREGNANT WITH ANOTHER MAN’S BABY  Dolls still loved her and held her in bed. I believe that had Shamier (Dolls)  not left that they would have went on waiting for her to choose but also letting her know that she didn’t have to.

Then there’s my first real Poly stan, Bo Dennis from Lost Girl. Unapologetically bisexual and poly, Bo was in control at all times, both of her relationships and her sexuality. While she needed sex to feed like a vampire needs blood,she also enjoyed it and didn’t view it as a curse or burden and her partners were alwasy consenting, which was amazing. Lauren never shamed Bo (in fact she praised her sexuality and wished she could keep up) for liking men (thus not being toxic to bi women, which is an issue in the community I wont get into) and Dyson, Bo’s male lover never pressured her to submit to him. Here she is pictured with Tamsin, Dyson and Lauren, all her lovers, at once.

If all three of them can be respectful and understanding while each of them were with Bo alone, not a quad, then why do they make it seem so hard to have three people love each other? And yes, I know that couples break up, but on Tv they just dont need to when it’s what a show is based on.

I could go on about Bo all day but I will move on to one of my favorite movies: Prof. Marsden and the Wonder Women.

Now real or not this story had everything. It showed how slowly and steadily they grew to love each other, the highs and lows and the shame of the community that made them all stronger together. Was there jealousy at times, yeas, but they addressed it and learned that they didnt’ need to be and that they could all be together happily and that it could be easy to be in love with more than one person. Sure, it was the 40s but in this day and age it’s nothing to hide, and if they could have a happily ever after back then, why couldn’t it happen now? 

Could it be because of race? Without kidding ourselves, we know that every fandom is capable of being toxic and that it’s just fact that the black girl is often hated. I call it the Iris West treatment, where the clear canon couple is hated and the black girl is trashed for the white option. I quit Supergirl after Season 2 but I hear that Jimmy’s sister is getting said treatment now from a friend that still watches and I am not surprised.  You can’t force an actor to stay on a show and I get that having their ship destroyed build animosity, but I really can’t help but feel like had the other girl been white it wouldn’t have been such a huge issue. A Stefan vs Damon issue none the less, but still, less so. I say that because I have seen actual people defend Mon El in that fandom but saying “what’s wrong with owning slaves?” NUff said. 

Another reason I bring up why it could be race is because of You, Me, Her.

I really enjoy this show and will be sad to see it and and while I recommend it, there are flaws, but none of these flaws seems to be that the three of them can’t work past it and get back together. 

Emma and Jack are married, Izzy comes in and shakes up their world and they both fall ass over elbows in love with her and her with them. They go through the usual things:jealousy, favoritism, hiding their relationship then coming out, but they always work through it. When Jack leaves to date an ex, he comes back. When Emma leaves to date and ex, she comes back. When Jack and Emma think about moving away and Izzy doesn’t want to, they come back. When Izzy has a thing with a co-worker, she still chooses Jack and Emma because they know they all need and love each other. They even have babies together! Izzy sees the sonogram and her heart stops. She realizes that she is going to be their actual mom and they all get married and even look into tri custody because they know they are a family and that it’s not an odd man out type of thing. They try it with other people and with just one another but they know where they’re hearts belong. It works. Does it work because they’re all white? NOPE

Sense8 was a brilliant show. Here everyone was represented and it was such a shame they killed it. Still, they showed us that sexuality can be fluid and that a fandom can be supportive. Raj and Kala married in spite Kala loving someone else. They never made her choose and in the end, they accepted that she was poly and wanted both and guess what? The two guys even fell for each other! Here is a white, bisexual male with his Indian partners. India isn’t the greatest with being gay so for Raj this must have been stranger and scary but they both made him feel safe and comfortable, loved and supported and in the end it was canon that they were all going to be together and learn as they go. Like with You, Me, Her, the fandom is supportive of this and while we didn’t get much of Rajalagang, it is clear that they can work regardless of skin color, religion, and even long distance.

So then why not Polymarine? It was clear it tested well with the audience, haters aside, so what made them feel like they couldn’t carry on? Sure, people fall out of love, but in the show, they just didnt’ need to. Before Ryn Ben and Maddie were together without issue for almost a year. It was made clear every time that he was in love with her, that they had chemistry and that he was attracted to her, so how do they justify saying that this:

Wasn’t real and meant nothing? That this

Wasn’t the same?

If other relationships can survive and thrive then what is it that was so hard, so difficult for the writers that they remove the credit that they themselves paved the way for and throw it aside for something that has been done literally thousands of times? Why throw away what made you unique to fall in line? Why does a show about mermaids have to have this be the “realistic” thing?

[galacticidiots]

Your Reylo + domesticity posts about them slow dancing and such has me YEARNING 🥺 👉🏻👈🏻 spare more ma’am

They’re not particularly good dancers, but they don’t care. It’s not about getting the steps right, it’s about swaying together to the rhythm of a beautiful song and feeling like the only two people in the galaxy. That’s what Leia told them the night before their wedding, when they were stressing about their first dance as a married couple, and it’s something they remember every time a familiar melody comes on the radio and Ben pulls Rey into his arms with a smile as soft as the early morning suns.

Neither one of them is particularly artsy, either. But then Rey takes up painting because it soothes something within her and it helps her think. She paints stars on the ceiling of their bedroom and when she’s done she fetches Ben and tells him to cover his eyes.

“Open.”

He looks up.

“They’re the stars on Jakku. I used to to lie down on the sand at night and look up at the stars and wish for family and love and belonging.” She reaches for his hand holds it tightly between both of hers. “My wishes came true. The stars brought me you.”

They kiss, and it tastes like home.

Because home isn’t four walls and a roof. It’s the arms that hold you when you’re scared and the eyes that look into yours and know, without words, what you’re feeling, and the smile that makes your heartbeat speed up.

Home is feeling loved and safe.

It no longer pains Rey to remember the time when she couldn’t sleep through the time because she was too scared of getting robbed by rival scavengers because that hasn’t been a reality for a long time. She can sleep anywhere now - if Ben is near. Her friends still reminisce about the time fell asleep in the middle of a party with her head on Ben’s lap while he ran gentle fingers through her hair.

“He’s really good with his hands,” she says with a smirk that leaves nothing to the imagination, and everyone makes fake gagging noises, but deep down they’re all happy for them.

Because even though at first it surprised them how tactile and domestic Ben & Rey were with each other, they’re quick to understand why. Despite their drastically different upbringing, there was a long stretch of time during which neither of them received much in terms of tenderness or caring, loving touches.

They’re making up for lost time.

So they understand when they notice that Ben and Rey always choose to stay within sight of each other, especially at first, when their relationship is still knew. Or how one of them always seems to know when the other needs them and they’re quick to stand by their side. Or how they always seem to be having a silent conversation between them, even making each other laugh sometimes, despite the fact that neither of them spoke a word.

Or when they decide not to join the group on a night out and choose instead to stay home, curled up on the couch, Rey’s feet tucked under Ben’s legs and their hands intertwined on top of her round belly as he reads out loud from an Alderaanian book of fables that Leia was able to find and gifted to Ben on his birthday.

They understand.

It’s love. It’s theirs.

[frumfrumfroo]

People don't want to admit TLJ wasn't perfect either. Rian gave way too much screentime to the side characters and their storyline. I love Kelly, but even Rose had more screentime than Adam, the protagonist, who played the Skywalker in the Skywalker Saga. FinnRose took over the "Reylo" screentime. The main romance. Literally. Rian directed Leia as an ignorant mom who cares more about Poe then her own child. Pple give him too much credit. Kylo even had less s.time in TLJ than in TFA ffs🙏

I’m not one of those people. I’ve always said that TLJ isn’t perfect, you can scroll back, but it was genuinely good, thoughtful, and sincere which is more than can be said for the rest of the st. It’s thematically on point, it understands sw, it’s full of life, and it made it briefly appear that LF knew exactly what they were doing with the basic emotional outline even if the execution could have been a lot better.

I’d just... have to take issue with some of your reasoning. Ben is the thematic centre of the story, but he was not the protagonist. Rey is the protagonist. We can discuss why she isn’t a good protagonist and why she has no business being the protagonist if the point of her journey isn’t to save Ben (the Skywalker) with unconditional love, but that inarguably is her position in the narrative.

I agree he should have had more screentime, though quantity isn’t everything. The weight of his presence dominates the entire Force plot and drives all of Rey’s character development, so it feels like he has more content than he actually does, but definitely a few more intimate moments would have greatly benefited the story. I’m not going to rail on Rian too much for the structural issues the film has, because he was written into numerous corners by the slapdash nature of TFA which left him a lot of difficult problems to solve and he was obviously trying to be as respectful as humanly possible both to his predecessor and his successor. He left the plot wide open and trusted LF to finish the character arcs he’d built without having their hands tied, which he shouldn’t have in retrospect. He was trying to have TLJ be its own film with its own identity as well as backinterpreting TFA into coherent arcs for both the OT characters and the new characters and it’s too much to deal with.

Leia treats Poe like what he is- a subordinate whom she likes. There’s no competition to be drawn between that relationship and her feelings towards Ben- she is not Poe’s mum and doesn’t ever act like his mum. I’ve discussed the lack of intimacy between Ben and the OT characters a couple times, but TLJ is still a massive improvement over TFA, a lot of it is again inherited structural wonkiness, and if she were to reach out to him a third time there’d be no final movie because he would have come home. The Ben/Leia and Ben/Luke relationships are set up to be fleshed out/resolved later as Ben becomes more receptive and able to consider forgiveness, they just never were.

Some of this is also a problem with how sw movies work, what their priorities are and how they treat serious drama (as giant tableau moments, not with psychological realism), and I’m not going to single TLJ out for something that is consistent across the entire franchise. He could have done more, but if the foundation had been strong he wouldn’t have had to and he shouldn’t have had to (for Leia, that is, we can blame him for the lack of emotional content in Luke’s relationship with Ben, but the film already spends huge amounts of time on Luke and it’s not feasible for him to discuss this with Rey so I can see the dilemma he must have had). The main emotional threads being in separate post codes was a hard thing to overcome without having Leia just sit down and exposit about her feelings. This would have been solved by a good third film that brought the threads together in the first act.

The Fathier chase is too long and that would be time better spent on nearly anything else, won’t argue there. But Rose is a key character who gives the thesis statement of the film and her substantive screentime is not misplaced. Less substantive stuff could have been trimmed, sure.

The whole st is... unfocussed... and there was only so much that could ever be mitigated by anyone coming in after the fact, no matter how talented. Under the circumstances, I find TLJ’s weaving of straw into gold very, very impressive and I am going to keep giving Rian a tonne of credit for that.

[agir1ukn0w]

Attention Reylo Fam!

After hearing some disturbing rumors on social media that Lucasfilm may be considering pulling back the release of The Rise of Kylo Ren in order to change some major plot details of Ben Solo’s journey to becoming Kylo Ren (specifically his involvement in the destruction of Luke’s academy), I have decided to write a letter to Lucasfilm asking them, if the rumors are indeed true, not to do so. Obviously it is more than likely that the things I’ve been hearing are no more than supposition, given that I’ve only seen them on Tumblr, however I would still like to voice some of my concerns and the collective concerns of the fandom to Lucasfilm if there is a small chance they will receive my letter and take it seriously.

I have just finished my first draft, and I wanted to post it here so that you may read it and give me suggestions on things I should change or add on in the comments. I value the input of my reylo family, and I want to be as truthful and accurately representative of the feelings of the collective fandom as I can. I will post the draft below the cut, and also, if you would like your name to be included in the signing of the letter (either your blog url or, if you are comfortable, your real name), please let me know and I will add you to the list.

Dear Disney Lucasfilm Ltd.,

I would like to preface this letter by saying think you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for all the wonderment and inspiration that you have given me these past four years of my life. These movies, tv shows, books, etc. have been a cornerstone of my cultural upbringing since before I can remember and I personally believe that Star Wars is the single greatest tale in the history of the world. I thank you with all my heart for carrying it forward so honorably.

That being said, I still very much believe in this story’s potential to be a beacon of empowerment for those who feel so disenfranchised and even oppressed in the real world. I still believe that this story is capable of making children look up and believe in themselves and their power to make a difference.

I don’t think I’ll ever fully understand the reasons why you made the choices you made with regards to Episode IX: TROS. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a fine movie, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. No work of art can possibly please everyone, and I would also like to thank the cast and crew for working so hard and putting their entire souls into these projects these past several years.

This has all been a roundabout way of coming to the main point of my letter to you. Specifically, this letter concerns the character Ben Solo.

I’m sure that you have been hearing and seeing a variety of heated emotions on social media concerning the fate of this character. The first time I met him way back in TFA, I knew that he was someone special; even then I felt a very deep connection with his struggle and began to root for him. The arc that you gave him in TROS was beautiful, and everything I really wanted to see. I’d been hoping for his redemption for a long time, and to see it so beautifully acted on screen was truly inspiring. Although I must say that I really could have done without his death, for the purpose of this particular letter, I will digress from that opinion, even though I know for a fact that I am not the only one who holds it. At the end of the day, Ben’s storyline was fulfilled because he overcame the darkness within him, helped Rey to defeat the ultimate Evil, and brought her back to life with his love. I couldn’t have asked for more.

However, I have been hearing rumors on social media which are very concerning. A few people have suggested that Lucasfilm plans to pull back the release of the comic The Rise of Kylo Ren by Charles Soule in order to change some of the major details of Ben Solo’s story to better fit with what happened in the movie. Specifically, I am referring to the very important fact that Ben actually didn’t kill his fellow students in cold blood and that he didn’t set his uncle’s academy on fire. I don’t know if this rumor is even true, and I pray that it isn’t. The fact that I have as yet only seen these rumors on social media leads me to believe that there is little probability to it.

However, I cannot convey to you the depth of my despair should they turn out to be true. And I know that I am not alone. The fandom has already seen the plates, clearly showing that it was not Ben who set fire to his uncle’s academy. It would be a huge mistake to completely redo them now, and I can tell you with absolute certainty that you would lose the good faith and trust of many people in this fanbase.

I have written this letter to implore you all at Lucasfilm, if these rumors are indeed true, to please rethink your strategies; Speak with your fans directly, understand their viewpoints and how important this character is to so many. I won’t tell you how much I personally love and care for the character of Ben Solo so as not to take up too much space in the letter, but there are many others who love him feel a much deeper connection with the character than I. Should you chose to do this, you would not only be drastically changing important details of the character’s life, but you would also be taking his own past from him. So many dedicated fans will feel disenfranchised. Furthermore, your sales would go down drastically. I cannot tell you how devastated the vast majority of your fans would be. We all want justice for Ben Solo, and if we cannot have it through him living a long and happy life, we deserve to see it through the truthful telling of his past.

Both Disney and Lucasfilm have been major centers of hope and inspiration for me throughout my life. The messages that you send, that even those who have made terrible decisions in their lives can be gravely misunderstood by others, and that they can always make things right, is extremely important to me. And the story of Ben Solo is one which I have followed closely since I saw The Force Awakens for the first time. I believed in his ability to redeem himself even before the information that what happened at Luke’s academy wasn’t his fault came out. Even when it was assumed that he had killed his fellow students, I believed in him because that is what Star Wars is about. Belief, hope, and understanding. In The Last Jedi, Leia says, “Hope is like the sun. If you only believe in it when you can see it, you’ll never make it through the night.” I have held on to that message ever since I heard it, and it has gotten me through many tough, emotional times in my life. I know that you respect your fans, and we as a fandom have not given up hope that you will do what is right for these characters.

Once again, before I close out this letter, please accept my deepest gratitude for all that this company has done to bring Star Wars into a new generation, inspiring us to go forward and create our own stories and modern myths. I am, and always will be proud to be a Star Wars fan.

Sincerely,

…………

Let me know what you guys think, I am excited to mail this letter!

Peace, Love, and Reylo💜

[junhaoshua]

my ode to fandom

2020, the start of a new decade, is ending. 2021, the start of my adulthood, is beginning. I’ve always wanted to do a post about my fandom journey, and I’ve also decided to change my url starting next year: from the old faithful @moonlightmasquerade to a url for my new fandom, @junhaoshua. So before taking such a huge step, this felt like a perfect time to thank all the media that has shaped me as a person throughout my journey of youth.

This is half-chronological, half-remembered. This isn't comprehensive, because it doesn't have to be to be meaningful. It can't list every single fandom that has made its mark on me, because there are too many to count. 

This is about many people’s stories, including my own. This is about love and power and growing up and changing. This is about how transformative work can transform lives. 

To fandom: this is my ode to you.

To Frozen, the fandom that was my first love: thank you for being the place I discovered fanfic. Thank you for teaching me that it was okay to be myself. For teaching me that my parents could make mistakes when raising me even though they love me. For showing me that villains can be redeemed. 

To MLP, the fandom of my early teens and beyond: thank you for being such a big part of my life. Fallout Equestria, making me realise the impact of war and giving me hope that people can heal from the worst, that we can make a difference in the darkness. The Immortal Game, telling me that trauma can be overcome and my fate is in my hands. Hard Reset, teaching me to persevere despite the odds. Turnabout Storm, introducing me to the franchise that would inspire my future career. Freeport Venture, guiding me as I grew into my own person. These are lessons that kept me going throughout the rough years. Thank you for teaching me to write magic systems and epic fight scenes. Thank you for giving me hope that one day, even a shy bookworm like me would find my friends. 

To Wicked, the fandom of my tumultuous years: thank you for teaching me that I could be beautiful and loved no matter how I look. For opening my eyes to the cowardice of people. For helping me to understand why injustice can thrive. For telling me that sometimes you lose your best friend but you don't stop loving them. Thank you for preparing me to face all this in real life. 

To Star Wars, the fandom I was “born” into: thank you for creating a world that inspires writers. For the trilogies and the beautiful fics that were born from them. For the flaws in canon that made fans want to fix them, and write wonderful stories. Double Agent Vader and the questions of agency and power and justice and the need for righteous indignation. Reylo fics and redemption and atonement and forgiveness. The sequel trilogy stories, too many to count, about finding your family and being your own person and healing from trauma.

To Marvel, the fandom that has brought me comfort for years: thank you for starting a franchise that lasted me throughout my childhood. For the stories of X-Men and being ostracised for being born different. For the ideas of Avengers Tower and the Defenders and Spider-verses and other teams, which may not have been well handled in canon, but which inspired so many stories about dangerous people coming together and being accepted for who they are. For Daredevil and making me decide that yes I’m going to be a lawyer and no my disability will not stop me. 

To DC, the fandom I grew up in: thank you for the DCAU that I spent hours watching as a child. Thank you for inspiring so many amazing, creative people to write. Batfamily fics and the stories of well-meaning Dad Bruce who screws up despite his best efforts. Babs Gordon and being a total badass from her wheelchair. bricklaying and its discussion of power and class issues and trauma and identity, a story that I go back to time and time again. 

To Hamilton, the fandom that inspired me: thank you for introducing me to the wonderful genre of rap and hip-hop. For helping me to realise that there are villains, there are people who make mistakes, and there are people who exploit others’ mistakes. For awakening a fire and ambition in me that I had long tried to douse to try to fit in and be more likable, and telling me it was okay to be young scrappy and hungry. And for reminding me that the people I love are important, too.

And now, to the grand prizes, to the fandoms that have been the biggest part of my life.

To Harry Potter, the fandom I first participated in: thank you for opening my mind and broadening my horizons. For helping me to move past my conservative upbringing and my prejudices (the thanks is all to the fandom, not to canon). For helping me to find my first fandom family, my best friends @reapersbarge and @a-symphony-in-vellichor. For being full of stories about healing just when I needed it. For Dramione, a ship that would lead to me publishing my very first fanfiction, inspired by the wonderful @colubrina. For Drarry and my second fic that gave me the chance to tell a story with my best friend and the other half of my brain. Without HP, without these friends, I would never have found the courage or inspiration to finally finish and publish my stories.

To Six of Crows, the fandom I grew in: thank you for being my first experience with representation in stories. For opening my eyes to the world of YA novels and so many wonderful, amazing stories. (SoC was literally one of the first YA novels I ever read and I wouldn’t have gotten into bookblr without it). For helping me learn how to work with an ensemble cast of characters that all got a chance to shine. For inspiring me to come back from my long writing hiatus and rediscover the joy of being an author. 

To Taylor Swift and Marina, my two favourite solo artists: thank you for music that perfectly fits whatever I’m going through. Thank you for reputation and Electra Heart when I was hurt and angry and trying to build a shield to hide my scars. Thank you for Lover and Froot when I was trying to learn to be happy again, to conceal my hurt with a smile. Thank you for folklore and evermore and Love + Fear when I was finally ready to unbandage my scars and confront everything that I had faced and declare that it did not break me.

To Seventeen, my biggest current fandom: thank you for bringing me joy during this tough year. For always giving me something to look forward to every Monday when the days passed in a blur. For the new friends I’ve met here who welcomed me to caratblr, especially @soonhoonsol, @thekidultlife, @haosvteen, @myunqho, @xuseokgyu and @haoranghae. For reminding me what it feels like to fall deeply into a new fandom for the first time. For the amazing fics and gifs that always bless my dash (there may be another, separate post on that). For awakening my desire to write fic again after a long drought where I couldn’t think of a single thing, and giving me more plot bunnies than I know what to do with. Thank you for being a safe space that helped me to grow and heal and smile again.

To conclude this story:

Throughout my journey, I’ve seen the same threads and themes over and over again. To be my own person and not the person that others moulded me into. To be ambitious and hungry and the hero of my own story. To find my own family, to choose the people I claim as my own. To see injustice and apathy and evil and hopelessness, and to be angry and stand up against it. To believe that people can change, can atone for what they’ve done, can be redeemed. To believe in the power of hope and light against the darkness. 

Fandom is a part of my life that I truly can’t imagine being without. It has been the lifebuoy when I was stuck in trauma and unable to escape. The bandage when I was broken and bleeding and despondent. The glue to put me back together when I shattered into a million sharp-edged pieces. The armor when all I wanted to do was rip out my feelings and put up stone walls around myself. The candle that guided me through the night until I was ready to step into the daylight. 

For the fandoms of my past: I may have become less active, less involved, but I still return to the songs and stories that have been an integral part of my youth. I see them now with older, wiser eyes, and recognise bits and pieces of my personality that I absorbed from them. I’ve never truly left a fandom; how can you leave something when it’s part of you?

For the fandoms of my present: I want to live in the moment and enjoy my experiences for as long as I can, even if I’ll outgrow them one day. I know that even if I move on from them one day, I’ll always treasure the lessons learnt and the memories made, and they’ll have a special place in my heart no matter what.

I believe in the power of stories, of movies, of music, of fandom. I would not be who I am today without it. Every fandom I’ve been in has left an impression on who I am, made its mark on me, a golden tattoo. I can look at them and trace the way each and every one has shaped me into the person I am today. 

And as I hover in the in-between of childhood and adulthood, as I stand now a kidult, I’ll embark on this new phase of life with all the lessons that fandom has taught me, and will continue to teach me for many years to come.

[janiedean]

Just seen a post like "y r reylos upset? they kissed. I have a ship where they don't even meet" and I was ready to go "I Don't Know How To Explain To You That knowingly shipping a crackship and seeing a ship that's been set up since the beginning get turned into some emotionally manipulative little trick by hacks who dgaf abt the characters and only want to cash in on every single part of the fandom are very different things." But I gave up. Not worth the effort.

it’s not, but... honestly?

this thing is... like... I don’t want to say mildly worrying me, but... it is. (beware the next post won’t probably make much sense but bear with me this thing isn’t sitting well with me lmao)

I mean, like, let’s get it out of the way that I didn’t care for reylo either way until tlj and post-tlj I was like ‘oh okay they’re definitely the romance of the trilogy fine sounds nice I’ll be here being happy for them when they inevitably kiss’, because it’s like.. star... wars. I mean. sw is like the one franchise that until five days ago I’d have cashed in on being the ONE thing that would always end up cheesy/hopeful/not disappointing you know, so... I didn’t even consider that there was another way it could end. because it’s goddamn sw, redemption stories with happy endings are the damned brand.

so like... the fact that the thing was obviously set up and they tore it to shreds along with everything else in the movie is bad. like, bad. but people who didn’t realize how fucking insulting it was just... don’t seem to get that the moment you go watch movies whose brand is making you feel better about things and they turn into calvinism central NO HAPPINESS ALLOWED and they don’t even do it with sense - bc rots made no fucking sense at any point ever and that’s outside reylo - it just... makes you feel betrayed? like, again: in 2015 when I came out of the cinema the only thing I banked on was poe dameron not dying and I couldn’t care either way about kylo ren, but like - tlj made me care. as it was supposed to be. I was supposed to care about kylo ren’s pull to the light and guess what I did because that movie wanted me to, and it wanted me to do 2+2 and realize that he and rey were soulmates and fine I was down with that because I like myself a nice love story.

and then like... you give it to me, like that, and the moment you have the character who has had a shitty life, has been groomed since he was born if not before by Worst Person In The Galaxy if the new canon wants me to buy that - or by snoke but it’s the same -, is an abuse victim and is 100% sure that everyone hates him and no one understands him or wants to understand him, you make that character related to one of the most iconic ones in the franchise to the point that you tried to make han every other member of the trio tbh, you actually have that character taking his life in his hands after talking to han and like embrace what he always wanted to be and show that he’s actually happy with it (like ffs guys it’s also probs because adam driver is an excellent actor but you can see the ben solo vs kylo ren difference in the span of five seconds, and you’re supposed to root for ben solo to win ffs), have him actually win, have him being happy for the first time in the entire canon and then you kill him a second later with rey in tears over it except that then we forget to give him a funeral........... like.......... sorry but I feel robbed because as lowkey as my effort on banking on ben solo’s redemption was because I was sure it was coming and I took it for granted it still felt like they were being unnecessarily cruel. like, they could have killed him in ten other ways that wouldn’t make you feel like someone stabbed you in the kidney as another anon put it. but no, let’s give people the prospect of HEY THEY’LL BE HAPPY just to tear it away from them ten seconds later. like, what the fuck? that’s not what anyone signed up for.

especially when the entire thing was obviously set up for the happy ending. like, if you actually misread the audience so much that you think star wars audience wants grimdark when it’s a movie marketed at children then you don’t deserve the money you’re most likely getting paid.

like, again: as someone who wasn’t even diehard reylo or whatever even if I absolutely shipped it, I felt like these assholes took my money and punched me in the kidney since rey palpatine was a thing and the moment he died I about screamed fuck you out loud... along with most of the entire room which was screaming fuck you, because guess what, not a single person in that room actually was banking on the ben solo redemption to fail and each single person in the room was clapping when they kissed because we were fucking waiting for it already, and like......... obviously ppl shipping it are upset. they were given an unsatisfactory movie up until then that didn’t give the characters justice but which could have still been more or less decent if it saved the spirit of the entire thing... which it didn’t because sw is not fucking calvinist central and hasn’t ever been until now. and then they were given canon after being the target of the vilest shit (guys seriously I unfollowed antireylo people way before shipping reylo myself bc that crap was out of line for shipping fictional stuff)... just to have them take it away by killing the one character that was there to show you that there’s always hope for you to do the right thing?

like, let’s be fucking real: the message is that if you fucked up and want to be better it won’t ever be enough because sorry but you’ll never get another good start and if you care about someone who fucked up and want to help them be better it’s wasted time because people who want to do better can’t actually live and have a chance to keep on doing it.

and sorry but fuck that message with a chainsaw. the beautiful thing about this ship imvho was that in tlj it made it overtly clear how rey helped him out of being a genuinely nice person who listened to someone who thought no one ever would and at the same time kylo/ben couldn’t believe that someone actually said that he wouldn’t be alone either bc the two of them are extremely lonely people and feel that acutely....... and they even threw in the soul bond to make it extra obvious. it was a hopeful story because you had girl who never had anyone who was also innately good who could put her prejudices aside to see that someone who also went dark side because he thought no one loved him and then kept on being abused his entire life actually had good inside them and wanted to help him see that instead of writing him off as a lost cause. like. that was a good romance. nothing exceedingly new under the sun, but in sw it was pretty fresh and a good spin compared to the two other main love stories of the trilogy. also, anakin/padme was what it was and han/leia was immensely better but hey someone decided to kill off the entire original trio so whatever... and if these two ended well they’d have been a constant improvement, never mind the symbolism - you had anakin who was a no one and married a space princess but ended up tragically because he went to the dark side and she could do nothing for him, then anakin’s daughter who was a space princess and married han who is also technically a no one since he didn’t even have a surname on his home planet, and if rey/ben had actually not.. had that ending you’d have closed the circle with space prince descended from both anakin and leia being brought back from the dark side with the help of another no one and finally the damned skywalker line would have gotten one 100% happy ending because it was supposed to be the ending.

like.

that’s something that thematically made so much sense I didn’t even think they wouldn’t do it.

and they did. and guess what of course people are pissed. because this movie about ignored themes, its own canon (from tfa and tlj) and didn’t accomplish one single thing except chewie getting his damned medal.

which, while something we all hoped would happen at some point, is hardly the one thing you should accomplish in a star wars movie supposed to end the goddamned cycle and which eventually ended up being prequel-level if not worse. because I mean, objectively I think the phantom menace was actually a better movie, and I would rewatch this over 2 and 3 just because the cgi in this movie didn’t hurt my eyes, but as bad as lucas got with the prequels, he never did a single character as dirty as disney did all the characters here. no, not even padme, and he did do padme dirty.

tldr: if people don’t get why you’d be pissed at how this movie ended idk what to tell them... but shit if it’s not worrying me that people apparently can’t get that it was a disaster on each single level it could have been. peace.

[ludopisgone]

ReyloCon

Hello everyone, I hope this message finds you well. I am writing this with a heavy heart. ReyloCon used to be something I was truly excited to be a part of, and I feel that the joy I had has been taken away. I’ll probably leave this fandom as well, as it has been proven to be toxic and way too fast paced (and I am talking specifically about Twitter, where most of the community has found their home).

I struggled long and hard with the decision to post this - personally, I just want to be over and done with this. But now that the call for "minority creators" has gone out, I just want to protect people from getting hurt in the same way I was. In addition to that a new survey has gone out, and I'll explain why it's an issue for me later in this post. I have tried to reach out to members of ReyloCon in private, but all I received was silence.

I got into the ReyloCon Discord server as soon as it was created, because I found some tweets about it. Being very excited about it, I started planning about what could have been, writing in a Google doc every workshop/activity/panel I could come up with and invited other people to the doc hoping that they could add something of their own. That doc is still something I hold close to my heart, it’s simply the very first step towards a more completed spreadsheet that would have been created later to keep track of everything.

I’ve collected these screenshots from a very early conversation I had with one of the “leaders” of ReyloCon. Details about my complaints under the cut.

EDIT: I want to clarify that I don't wish for the con to be canceled. I am still enamoured with the idea of a con for reylos by reylos. I don't wish I'll to any of the organizers any. Maybe all I'm looking for is an apology, but I can safely say that even I don't know what I want from them. I wanted for me to get this off my chest. I needed to do so.

When the formative meetings were called, it was not taken into account that I was not available at 2-3 in the morning because I’m mentally ill and take medication to regulate my sleep cycle. I was then blamed for missing those meetings. Could they not have been rescheduled? Or the results shared with me? Could some form of accommodation not have been found?

I brought a lot of ideas to the table, and several of them are still being used. Good enough to use but I’m not good enough to receive the credit or remain part of the team? I found it especially insulting that the Ancient Mythology project was taken away from me - an Italian, and was given to a BNF from another country. This is something that closely resembles cultural appropriation, it’s not your history, you don’t have a language formed by Latin and Ancient Greek for at least a good 80%. You probably have never seen a Roman anything, or a Greek vase. That’s my history. It’s not yours. It’s Italian history. 

The final nail in the coffin was a simple miscommunication. As you can see, I was asked if I could do some research so that we knew what to ask to creators. I should also point out that even though my English is decent, there’s definitely a language barrier. I will never understand English the way that a native speaker does, and that’s just because it’s not my language. I decided to contact these creators because I like them and think they’re great. I’ve since spent much time listening their YouTube videos. As you can see, we see that message from two different perspectives, hers from a “implication” side, and mine from a “didn’t say it, didn’t mean it” side. I decided to leave the Discord server after asking her if I should have and got out of the private messages and I realize now it was a mistake. I contacted one of the mods to get back into the server to talk with this leader so that I could at least explain my point of view.

As you can see from the screenshots it didn’t end well. I tried to reason with this leader and I tried my best not to remove myself from this situation, because that’s what happens to me when confrontation happens due to past trauma. I don’t take it badly when people tell me to calm down, because I know it can get too fast in my mind. And then the objectives. I didn’t know what their objectives were because, to put it simply, they were nowhere to be found. I was asked how old I was and to somehow “prove my credentials” like having passion for a shared project isn’t enough to give what you can give. I did say I was going to reach out to these creators, they didn’t tell me not to do it.As I understand, US American non-profits must be accessible and transparent - ReyloCon in its present state is neither.Is this the kind of thing you support? Is this the kind of people you want in your project? Can anyone be blamed for not wanting to be any part of this? Look at this whole mess, and this is from one of your “leaders”? They try to style themselves into a "safe space" for minority creators. And yet they expelled me for being a minority creator. There is no place for non-US folks on this team, and any attempt on their part to be "inclusive" can safely be taken as mere lip-service.Non-US fans need not apply.

TLDR: They stole my ideas, are still profiting from the work I put in, and then they kicked me out because I have health issues, don’t understand English perfectly, and live in a different timezone.

[theoriginalsuki]

Because if you like what I write, we probably have the same taste!

There’s a glut of well-written, well-crafted post-TROS Star Wars fanfiction out there, from fix-it to AU’s – not that I’m complaining! – but I’m-a just throw out some of the ones that have hit my sweet spot.  Please reblog!  It keeps the fic life cycle going.

Complete

The Ocean: A TFA Divergence by Journeying_Jane

I’m a die-hard TFA Kylo Ren fangirl (it’s my favourite of the trilogy, I know), and this divergence tugs the threads unravelled in the interrogation scene to a very satisfying conclusion, re: Rey and Kylo see their shared future a lot sooner, before the elevator scene in TLJ, and start to understand what they mean to one another.  Soooooo good.  (Rated G)

Air and Water by Flaignhan

The tender and thorough examination of Ben and Rey’s relationship, what it is, how it completes her, and their wholesome being-together that we ache for across three films.  Better than cozying up with a hot cup of cocoa on a rainy day.  (Rated G)

What She’s Worth by g_girl143

If Rey had been taken in by the Jedi Academy as a child and basically raised by Ben Solo.  Hear me out.  This love story is innocent and organic and is so well navigated that by the end you’re just like, yeah, of course, there was no other way that could have happened.  The *potential* is what it gives us.  I need to read it again, slowly and to savour, and happily await the sequel!  (Rated T)

Dead Space by Solia

Kylo Ren sacrifices himself to save Rey when they are stranded in a malfunctioning ship.  If you’re like me, and you like angsty grand gestures of love more than sexy times, this one is gourmet Reylo.  I’m so into the not-looking-directly at their feelings and extending that sweet pain for as looooong as possible.  Because, one brain cell!  (Rated G)

Paradise by englishable

Post-TROS, the only epilogue I will accept (except for Cleave, also by englishable).  Ben is brought to trial; Rey stands by him throughout; they figure out how to go on together.  It’s so wholesome and satisfying.  Let the healing begin!  (Rated M)

Near Kinsman by englishable

In post-Civil War America, Rey answers a bachelor ad and the most classically romantic love story since the Brownings unfolds.  (Rated T)

Delicious Ambiguity by Juulna

Some people like smut.  I like dangerous male-types harnessing their aggression toward protecting women and their unborn children.  That’s hot.  Some good TFA Kylo Ren being inexplicably soft with Rey and her Force-conceived twins.  Both of them have issues.  Both of them really, really love those babies.  It earns the happily ever after, which you know I appreciate so much in a fic.  (Rated M)

until you return to me by lovefrompluto

Rey accesses the WBW and looks in on every incarnation of Ben, all the lives they live together.  Such a cool meta on fanfics with a satisfying ending, giving Rey the agency she was denied in TROS.  (Rated M)

Killing Me Softly by AlbaStarGazer

I’m not a big AU person but the premise of this is so good and works really well with the characters as we know them in canon.  I also really appreciate a fic that isn’t afraid to look at the work of love.  

Ben and Rey, childhood sweethearts, married, are put to the test for three years after Ben gets in a terrible accident and forgets Rey.  She’s won’t give up on him, but she’s too hung up on the past.  He’s in love with her but afraid that all she sees is a memory, and not the person he is now.  Some really good character study and hurt/comfort with a happy ending.

WIP’s

The Argent Coda by BetweenTownleys

A deeply involved and well thought-out fix-it that makes me soft.  It’s not happily ever after (yet) and I am 100 percent okay with that.  The Force bond intimacy between Ben and Rey hurts soooooo good!  (Not Rated)

Conversations by acowlorsomething (suchlostcreatures)

Takes place after TLJ and moves effortlessly into the kind of interaction we want to see between Maybe-Ben and Rey.  Okay, what *I* want.  Nothing too easy, nothing too sexy, more of the same of the tender conflict we got from The Last Jedi, playing out in a believable way.  (Not Rated)

Bride of Fortune by SharKohen

Cute arranged marriage AU.  Rey is supposed to be a lucky bride.  So Leia Organa-Solo brings her into the household as her son’s wife.  They’re only young, so will they have time to chose one another before the age of consummation?  (Rated T)

Chains by Veggieheist

Rey is a slave on Jakku.  Kylo Ren picks up on her Force sensitivity and “buys” her.  Cue side comments from everyone that he just wants to sleep with her,  to which he is bewildered and frustrated.  Kylo doesn’t understand why someone so powerful would act so lowly, but when he pushes Rey hard, he finds out there’s more to her than he bargained for.  Or did he see it all along?  (Rated M)

hear my plea (and come save my life) by nouveaulove

Rey finds Ben alive but with amnesia.  I’m so soft for pining and protective Rey having to woo back Ben.  (Rated M)

Halfway, Between The Black and Grey. by PunkForTheMoment

Anakin helps Rey go back in time to the interrogation scene in TFA and she is anything but smooth.  Inspired by that meme.  Very promising!

My Fic

Epilogues by TheOriginalSuki

My initial self-help fic in the wake of The Rise of Skywalker.  Kinda dream-like with a hazy plot that is basically me just making myself feel better.  Maybe you too?  Some mature content, I don’t think it’s smutty, though.  (Rated M)

Rey goes into self-imposed exile on Tatooine.  After refusing to let Ben go, they break the laws of physics to be the family to one another they never had.  Healing can at last begin.

Battlefield by TheOriginalSuki

After The Rise of Sywalker I could see things getting worse before they got better.  If Kylo Ren had buckled down on the darkness after soul-crushing rejection from Rey and the trauma of seeing Luke again, how in the world would he walk back from that?  I’ve got it tagged “dominant Kylo Ren” but I’m not into abusive stuff, so don’t expect that!  I do however love the angst.  (Rated T)

Kylo Ren took the galaxy, and Kylo Ren takes Rey.  There’s nothing left for him to accomplish, Vader’s vision is complete – only he’s still in pain.  And no matter how he manoeuvres around the scavenger girl, it’s not easing up.

what stars are made of by TheOriginalSuki

Me trying to make a place to dump one-shots and dead-end ideas and probably failing.  Every time I pull a thread of “how things could have gone” in this universe, a whole world unravels!  Oops!  The tone of this one is completely different, inspired by the adorkable Ben Solo we got a glimpse of in TROS, and how he and Rey’s relationship plays out afterward.  (Not Rated)

Rey has a minor objection to being abducted.  Good thing Ben didn’t ask her, then!

The Stray by TheOriginalSuki for itsinthestars

Written for the RFFA fic exchange.  A modern AU!  (Rated T)

Rey moves in across the hall from Ben; a former foster kid alone in the city, aspiring to be an actress. Ben is a ladder-climbing white collar businessman with a horrible boss and zero social life. Which is just the way he likes it. So why in the world has this insufferable creature made it her life’s work to adopt him? From sharing her dinner to doing his laundry, she seems determined to make a connection. In the end, it’s easier for Ben to just let her. But opening up means letting your heart be vulnerable.

Hiraeth by TheOriginalSuki

A passion project.  I even have a plan!  Bonus – there’s Tai!  (Rated M)

Rey crosses over the World Between Worlds and finds herself in a time before Kylo Ren.  it’s been twelve years since her Ben dies, and she’s achingly in love.  But he has no idea who she is.

Beatrice by TheOriginalSuki for englishable

Illustrates the principle that good art generates good art.  Rinse.  Repeat.  (Raged G)

A brief character study from Ben Solo’s point of view, encompassing the three films and then a positive resolution.

[the-scavengergirl]

Be Delicate ( not the title )

Haven’t written a Reylo or any Fanfic in a hot minute. Thought I wrote this for someone, perhaps it was just for me. Who the fuck knows. And I’m teetering on maybe seeing my way out of the fandom, still not sure. So if you like this. Thank you, if not, that is fine as well. 

Per usual I own no one. Not that characters, especially not the lovely Daisy or Adam. And certainly not the horrid song exile feat that got this stuck in my brain by miss T.swift.feat. the glorious Bon Iver So that being said. Lets carry on. Also some parts are memories so there are no confusion. Also may post this on AO3 same pen name <3 on with the Bullshit. Also the pic that was inspo isn’t mine, it was a screenshot from the movie clip.

It didn’t take her long. She’d always spot him out in a crowded room. It didn’t matter how many there were she’d always see him over everyone else. But it didn’t appear to go both ways. She’d been four drinks in when his head turned, the girl at his hip catching where his attention had gone off to, and everything came to a stand still.

I can see you standin', honey With his arms around your body Laughin' but the joke's not funny at all And it took you five whole minutes To pack us up and leave me with it Holdin' all this love out here in the hall

And she’d never hated him more in that moment. She had to press her fingers against her face to look at him properly in the lighting, the flickering catching the frame of the stupid issued glasses. The way the lights gave his nearly translucent skin an odd sort of glow. Never before had he looked more perfect.

She was already three steps ahead of his one as he came towards her, her head shaking slightly beneath the hat Poe had found her, stating it would go in the ridiculous outfit she was currently mucking around in, Her drink pressed so tightly to her mouth she was sure the glass would shatter. “ Please don’t--we can’t do this anymore Ben. There is nothing more to talk about.”

Rey watched the way his jaw shifted. Sometimes it was the only way to tell his mood, as he could be a man of few words. But Ben Solo was annoyed, he didn’t like being silenced. But they’d been down this road too many times. And she was done.

“ It is quite obvious what has happened, and I’m tired of it. You’ve played me as a fool, and I let myself believe you actually had feelings for a girl like me. I believed you Ben--”

I think I've seen this film before And I didn't like the ending You're not my homeland anymore So what am I defendin' now? You were my town Now I'm in exile seein' you out I think I've seen this film before

The tears were never part of the game. She thought when she and Poe had shared a bottle of wine prior to coming, and his grand idea of changing her style that had her ready to face the real issue...Ben Solo.

But he always had a way of looking about her that made her feel as if he were undressing her. And not always in a way that sent shivers down her spine. As if she were to be reprimanded at any given moment, the way she had been time and time again back in the home and she hated it, because he knew that about her. He knew everything about her. She’d laid herself open for him like an open book, and he’d thrown it in her face. Just as he’d promised not to.

“ You’re running Rey. You know you can’t run forever. Not from me.”

It was as if Poe could see her panic, pulling her from the place where she shook, and yet remained rooted in place, unable to walk away. Because Poe knew, she’d never be able to walk away. She did have that power, no matter how toxic their relationship had grown. And their last fight had done her in, Ben’s words a seething venom that even Poe felt hit extra hard, especially hard when he knew where she’d come from, promising to love her, to fix all the pieces that had been broken. Split wide open.

I can see you starin', honey Like he's just your understudy Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me Second, third, and hundredth chances Balancin' on breaking branches Those eyes add insult to injury

“ You come from nothing. You’re nothing.” She couldn’t describe the sound that left her, only the feel of the glass as it slipped from her fingers, shattering to pieces, one shard catching her in the pad of her foot, due to the stupid sandals that Poe said would be a smart purchase.

Her body pitched backwards as if she’d been thrown, an invisible force propelling her away from him as she felt something along the plains of her cheeks, doting them like the constellation like freckles she hated so. *Tears*.

“But you said--”

“Who the fuck cares what I said Rey. What about the things you said. What about the promises you’ve made, and broken. I’m done. I told you that. Rey it’s been 6 months. I told you, it was time to let old things die, and you couldn’t--you wouldn’t do it so I’m done. We are done. In case you didn’t notice that one.”

Of course he’d use her past against her. The one thing he promised he’d never do. If there was one thing Rey wasn’t proud of it was how she’d treated him. In the end. She knew in the process of finding herself she’d treated him horribly. His childhood had been difficult as well, and perhaps after their first breakup, when they stood shouting at one another, anger radiating off of them in waves as they stood in the rain outside his uncles they should have called it quits. But they were electric, like two magnets, when things were bad nothing could bring them together. But when things were good, they were drawn together so tightly, it was like they seeped into each others every being.

“ Yes--I’ve noticed Ben. You’ve made that very clear. In every text. In every call. In every attempt at getting into touch with you. Yes this is some plot, such a great one, poor Rey, so desperate she had to involve your Mother.”

Rey hadn’t realized the magnitude or the moment in which the octave of her voice changed, only that everything sounded like she was trapped in a tunnel, and everything around them seemed to fade out. The noise around them suddenly reverting to  nearly nothing.

“ I forgot the world revolved around Benjamin Organa Solo. Maybe if you answered your fucking phone I wouldn’t have to search you out, but forget it. And just so you know, this wasn’t about us. I give a fuck about us. I’m actually packed up, I won’t be a problem to you anymore so don’t worry. It’s your dad Ben….he’s sick. Thought you’d want to know since you won’t speak to anyone but what’s her name right here.”

I think I've seen this film before And I didn't like the ending I'm not your problem anymore So who am I offending now? You were my crown Now I'm in exile seein' you out I think I've seen this film before So I'm leavin' out the side door

She didn’t wait for Poe, or remember her feet carrying her to the car, only the feel of the way the shard of glass dug further into her foot, and the way the blood seeped and flowed across the bridge of her foot freely as she pushed down on the break.

Seattle rain had always been one of Rey’s least and most favorite things about where she lived. Some Days it made her want to do nothing more than tuck herself away in the depths of her blankets and sleep until little glimmers of sun broke through, and that could be days. It wasn’t until she met Ben, with his boundless bursts of energy, and his stupid need for a dog, the one she ended up with that gave her an excuse to pry herself out of bed on the harder days, after copious amounts of coffee of course.

But as she pulled away, Ben screaming her name the rain made her more unsettled than it ever had. She was glad she couldn’t see her phone, knowing she’d forgotten to remove that picture of him. Her fingers reached for the dial to turn whatever song was playing.

All this time We always walked a very thin line You didn't even hear me out (You didn't even hear me out) You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs) many signs) So many signs So many signs (You didn't even see the signs)

It sounded like the blade of a handsaw being pressed against her ear despite the fact she was in her own car. Her eyes widened in horror as she watched the car from behind her hydroplane across into the other lane hitting not only the oncoming car, but the guardrail. It took another 30 seconds for her to realize, and the moment her head made contact with the widow a sickening crack reverberating through the cab. It was then and only then through the sticky trickle of blood she realized it was Ben’s car that had slammed into her after ricocheting across the two lane highway like some sick game of pinball.

They always said in moments of trauma, your body floods with adrenaline, the shock taking over so the pain becomes nearly nonexistent. But with Rey this was not the case. The lights were blinding, and she couldn’t for the life of her figure out where the horrifying screaming was coming from, until she realized it was coming from her. But nothing she was saying made sense, and then there were hands, soft, soothing.

“ Hi honey, my name is Rose. You’ve been in an accident. Can you tell me your name?”

“ Ben--is”

“ Your name is Ben? I need to keep your head still sweet girl, you have a cervical collar and some facial swelling.I need to know your name if you can.”

“ No my name is Rey--the other was he brought in? He is Ben--I’m fine I need to know if he is alright.”

But she wasn’t fine. The swelling in her brain was severe enough it took 4 days under constant watch, and intervention to get it to a point where the doctors felt she was out of the woods. 4 days before they lifted her from that dark and heavy underwater feeling where time never changed. 4 days before she saw Rose again.

The human body at nearly 200lbs endures the average impact force of 43,050lbf traveling at 65mph, assuming the driver was wearing a seatbelt. Meaning the body feels like it's getting hit with a mass of 43,035lbs. But knowing Ben, in his anger, and the fact on more occasions than not he would forego the seatbelt all together, complaining that they needed to survey people his size as to make proper seat belt placement so they weren’t so fucking usless and uncomfortable.

Therefore changing the schematics drastically, a person Ben’s size, of nearly 200lbs, because he’d taken up the gym again, and quite diligently from what Rey could see, a man of Ben’s size at nearly 200lbs traveling without a seat belt at 65mph would endure the average impact force of 215,248 lbf. Meaning on initial impact with the oncoming car it felt like getting hit with a mass of 215,174 lbs.

An African Bush Elephant weighs 13,000lbs.

Ben was hit upon impact, with the weight of sixteen African Bush Elephants before hitting the guardrail, and bouncing off of her. *Sixteen*. And didn’t die upon impact.

That had to speak for something.

She thought she could see his face, in the darkness. Perhaps it had been wishful thinking, or the drugs they pumped through her veins. She didn’t hear anything Rose said to her after that, the number sixteen playing over and over in her mind like some annoying buzzing noise that wouldn’t go away.

Of course she didn’t need to be told he was gone, she could feel it. She startled awake, the only thing to greet her was the beep of the machines hooked to every bit of her being. And she just knew. She couldn’t feel him, from the moment she’d seen him across the library there was something about him. The way he’d smiled at her, making her shift uncomfortably from where she was hidden in the stacks, there was this connection. Like he’d split her whole being open with that one look and nod of his head. She was done for.

“Do you believe in soulmates?”

His voice was low and lulling. And she could honestly listen to him speak about anything well into the hours that would make her regret life in the morning. And that was exactly what was happening. She’d just been dozing off when he fired off one of his questions, the bed dipping with his weight which meant he’d turn to face her. His fingers brushing a curl from her face and removing the glasses she’d forgotten to remove in her drowsy state.

“ What? Soulmates--what are you on about?”

She didn’t turn on her side the way he had, instead opting to simply turn her head a bit on the pillow. Perhaps afraid of what she’d find if she really looked at him.

“ Yes, soulmates. I mean I’m not sure I believe in the everyone has someone made for them and that fucking garbage, but we’ve gone to the same school for years. We’ve had classes, and not said a word or given each other a glance.”

“ You did lop me in the head with your paper while I was at the pottery wheel that one time.”

“ Yes, but it wasn’t intentional, and you didn’t move. So irrelevant. But never once did we really pay each other any mind, brushed shoulders, passed things without glances, or words beyond our work. Then one day, it was like something just aligned, and you were right there, and you looked up, and I knew you felt it too.”

She wanted to tell him he was fucking crazy. To ask him if he’d eaten one of Hux’s fucking edibles again. But she could tell from his tone he was serious.

“ Yea, maybe. It would be nice you know…”

Ben didn’t answer, instead allowing his fingers that he’d held in the air like a giant web, as if tracing the stars to fall over her face, giving it a gentle squeeze before tightening his hold to place a kiss on her lips. No further words exchanged. Only the soft sound of his breathing as it evened out in sleep.

Rey had wanted to pretend she was asleep that night.She was selfish like that. She’d been exhausted from being hunched over the pottery wheel all day, and then her shift at the gallery seemed never ending. And so when they finally climbed into bed nearing 1 a.m. She just wanted to sleep.

She was glad she stayed up that night.

Because he’d been right. She had felt him the moment he looked at her. And now she couldn’t and she’d never felt so alone. And she’d grown up alone. She knew loneliness. Until Ben came along, filling all those spaces as if they’d never existed.

“Rey--”

The noise caught her off guard, causing her to bump herself against the bed in a way that made her realize just how poorly she was, her eyes falling on the frame of Leia Organa nee Solo and then once again Solo. Her normally pristine appearance looking about as wonderful as Rey was sure she looked.

“ You had me as your next of kin, in case of emergency, after Ben…”

It was not only the tone in which Leia spoke, but her last words that solidified Rey’s assumptions. Between that and her hesitant and careful approach, and the emptiness and fluttering anxiety that was threatening to burst from her chest, Rey wasn’t sure if she could handle it, her finger reaching for the button hoping for at least some small miracle that the kind woman Rose would appear, because if she was about to be told what she knew, she didn’t think she’d be able to bare it. It would kill her.

“ You’re awake. Miss Organa you’re here. Oh honey--”

One look from Rose’s face Rey knew the woman was slowly piecing everything together.

“ Alright, let's get this in and sit you up a bit yeah?”

Rey didn’t ask questions, allowing the small womans hands to do its work. She watched as she scurried out, Leia remaining rooted in her place, but out of the way, a syringe making its appearance and then disappearing again. As she suspected the medicine was for her nerves, a wave of calm settled over her, followed by Rose as she sat besides Rey, her fingers plucking at the small brush.

“ Ms. Organa, why don’t you take a seat.I did this while we had you sedated and resting. You got horrible knots. So let's keep that up, what do you think?”

Rey was used to this sort of talk, the social workers would use deflection to let her know her parents, or her mother in particular, weren't coming. She supposed it was to make the let down easier. And in a way it worked. It was soothing she supposed.

“He’s gone isn’t he?”

I think I've seen this film before And I didn't like the ending You're not my homeland anymore So what am I defending now? You were my town Now I'm in exile seein' you out I think I've seen this film before So I'm leaving out the side door

She figured she’d save them both the trouble. Rose was a godsend and Leia looked as if she couldn’t do or say another thing.

“ He is, would you like to see him?”

The sheer thought of him still being in the same place as her, but not really existing, sent Rey’s stomach turning, and poor Rose didn’t have a moment to escape, not that there was much. It was violent, and clawing. And it rolled through her in waves.

“ We wanted to give you the option first.”

It was Leia this time. Who’d finally come to Rey’s side. Her fingers holding Rey’s as Rose held the small basin, whispering nonsensical words of encouragement.

“ No--why would I want to see him. He is gone. I killed him.”

Her cries must have been loud, she vaguely remembered a passing nurse placing a sign outside her door before closing it. Apparently it was something they did. All Rey knew was she wanted to be alone, more alone than she already was.

“ No my dear, you didn’t kill him. You more than anyone else knew how Ben was with his temper, and the rain that, especially up the pass.It was no one’s fault, no one but his own. He drove like an idiot. It could have happened to anyone.”

She could tell even Leia had a hard time believing her words. And yet she said them with no blame, so kindly. As if she really believed Rey was completely innocent.

“ We’d been fighting though, at that damn party. I’d gone by to talk to him, because he wouldn’t answer me. He was avoiding me. And we fought, he doesn’t even understand anything. He would hear me out, he was making assumptions. And it wasn’t until I mentioned Han. But I needed to go. I was just going to let him stew in his own misery for a bit. But he followed me--if I’d just spoken to him. Or answered my phone. I could have told him to pull off.”

---------------------

She hadn’t attended the funeral. Rey was released three days before. Instead she fetched what was left of her life, and with Poe driving headed back to blistering Arizona.

Staying away was simple. At least for a while, until she couldn’t. Demons always had a way of making themselves known. And she couldn’t run away from what had happened and Ben forever.

Of course the weather would be the exact sort she hated when the plane landed, cold and drizzly. The sort that clung to you, damp, unrelentless. Ben’s favorite. Especially if there was a fog.

It took them a bit longer to get off the plane, with an infant, and cripple. Poe’s wheelchair being placed in the back of the plane rather than the front.

“ Just think when I get my Prosthetic--”

“When you get your Prosthetic you wont be fucking useless, this is like having two kids. Come on, there is your wheelchair, hold Brynlee.”

Rey watched as her best friend slid over magically with her three month old daughter, with one arm, she could barely do anything with two, and yet he managed it impeccably, having only one leg.

“ Come on Benny, your mama is in a mood. I think she is nervous. But you shouldn’t be.”

Benny was Poe’s name for Brynlee, whose given name was Brynlee Lynn Organa Solo. Lynn after Poe’s Mother. At first Rey had been livid, but the more he did it, opting to do it quietly, or in the other rooms, or passing, the more she got used to it, and it was a tie to Brynlee’s father. As if her looks weren’t enough.

“ There you are, I’m sorry we are late, oh my.”

Rey knew exactly what Leia meant. Her daughter's firm stare from beneath the dark waves of hair, the bow of her lips when she was concentrating on something, was all her father. She even had his fingers.

“ Yes indeed, she has quite the temper and appetite. Would you like to hold her?”

From the moment her daughter had been brought into the world, with her best friend at her side, three weeks early, Rey had kept her mostly to herself. That emptiness she’d felt when she lost Ben, slowly felt as if it were dissipating. As if pieces of herself were being woven back together. As if somehow through their daughter.It was as if he was with her again. Although she knew she’d never feel complete without him again.

“ Hey kid.”

Rey had become so enthralled in watching Leia with her granddaughter, her fascination making it obvious she too was feeling much of what Rey often felt, and saw. That she hadn’t noticed the approach of Ben’s dad until his frame loomed over her, pulling her into a one sided hug, tucking her into his frame.

Han wasn’t as tall as his son, but he was by no means short in stature, tall enough to provide the relief Rey needed in that moment.

“How are you feeling? Is--”

“ It’s good, it’s good. I’m still taking it easy. It’s weird some days. Like some days I’ll be in the shop working on the Falcon, and it’s like I can just feel him more with it you know. Or does that sound weird. I am getting old, you know.”

She knew it would happen, the topic would be approached, the flood gates would open, the tears would be shed. But she didn’t think it would happen in the middle of Seatac airport. And certainly not because the discussion of the donation of Ben’s heart to his Father.

“ Can I hear it? Please--I just.”

“ Come here kid.”

“You know if you press your nose like this and stare really hard you look like a cyclops.”

He had to be high, she was sure of it. Hux always used him as the guinea pig, and with his sheer size he felt the need to eat the entire whatever the fuck it was Hux was testing. And it never ended well. Never. It was the only logical reason. And now his face was pressed so tightly to her own she couldn’t breathe. And he was laughing the most hideous laugh she’d ever heard.

“ Thank you? I think.”

She couldn’t get much out of him, a hum before a fit of laughter again, and then just like that he was serious again.

“ I liked the cyclops things, you know like in where the wild things are. That was one of my favorite books when I was little. Dad was the one I actually made read it to me nonstop. I think he finally hid it.”

She could only shrug her shoulders, her head shaking gently as she watched him lift his head, his fuzzy gaze taking her in as if to see if she were simply joking.

“ Wait, you don’t know where the wild things are?”

“ Not everyone gets goodnight stories Ben.”

Her past wasn’t something they often got into unless Ben pried. And it usually ended in argument, which was why she avoided it. She often tried to justify bad behavior, and why she was the way she was, and Ben wouldn’t stand for it, especially when it caused her to act a certain way towards him.

“ So what did you have? Didn’t you have something you liked like that?”

“ Yes, I had a stuffed bear, and I’m sure at some point it talked, but no one would replace it’s batteries. So when you pressed its hand the sound sounded like a heartbeat. And at night I’d lay with it and press it. It made me feel safe.”

Ben had never experienced such things that Rey had gone through. Of course his parents had been busy with work. So often he’d get taken to his Uncle Luke, whom he’d been close to until they had a falling out. And then there was the nannies. It was his parents' lack of presence that finally sent him out on his own at 17, as soon as he graduated. While he stayed in the state, he refused to have many interactions other than the ones that were obligatory. Not until his parents accepted fault and their wrong doing, without excuse.

“It got taken away, and I’m assuming it was thrown out. I was told I was too old. And that was that.”

Rey could see his face clearly, even with her eyes closed. Her arms wrapped tightly around Han, who she’d hugged plenty of times in the past at family gatherings. Knowing exactly what his heartbeat sounded like, and the one she currently was hearing was not that. It was Ben’s.

And she later learned there were no Cyclops things in Where the wild things are.

“ That is why you always fall asleep with your head on my chest.”

She wiped her eyes quickly, her fingers pressing against Han’s chest as she released a shaky breath. Part of her having a hard time wrapping around the fact she’d just heard the heartbeat of someone she’d thought was gone forever. A heartbeat she’d longed to hear for the rest of her life.

“ I know kid, I know. Lets get home.”

Rey opted to sleep the entire drive, taking one of the proffered anxiety pills that had been prescribed and collected per Leia. Leia sat in the back with Brynlee nestled tightly and safely between them, sleeping peacefully, while Poe chatted with Han from the front.

It was dark by the time they reached the house, and the rain had  begun to pick up. And for a solid five minutes Rey stood in the doorway of the house, listening, and waiting, wondering if she’d made a mistake.

The house was too quiet, Rey kept expecting Ben to jump out from the corner scaring her half to death, causing her to drop her coffee, or throw him a punch.

It wasn’t until she’d gotten Brynlee to sleep that she finally had a moment. Changing, and sitting in the living room, surrounded by so many things that were him. And what should have been overwhelming for the first time was comforting. Seeing so much of him.

Rey found Ben’s parents chatting with Poe, as she expected, dropping into the space her friend had made, handing him the baby monitor, signaling he was on baby duty, minus feedings. Removing her glasses to wipe the gritty feeling from her eyes and buy her more time, Rey finally settled in her place.

“ I want to tell you what happened.”

There was a shift in the atmosphere, a tangible one. And for a moment it set Rey on edge, making her wonder if she was picking the wrong time, or if she were making a mistake. But was there ever a right time?

And if she were going to be living at the Solo’s until she got a place of her own, and moving back wouldn’t it be best to get it off her chest right from the get go?

“ I need you to know.”

“ Rey, we’ve never once questioned, or thought--”

But she wouldn’t hear any of it. They deserved the truth. The truth their son wouldn’t hear. She wouldn’t be silenced again. She didn’t want anyone else thinking differently of her.

“ I didn’t help my mother. I didn’t break my word. He told me if I helped her again we were done. She was sober, and one of the times she was sober before she’d told me one of her case workers was diagnosed with cancer, that they had an amazing Oncologist. That doctor specialized in certain things. I only called her and spoke with her because I needed that information. Leia...Han. Other than Ben, Poe is the only family I had.”

“ You had us Kid…”

Han’s words tore through her like a molten blade, hot and leaving her raw, and for the first time since the accident, it left her feeling as if she couldn’t breathe.

“ Yes, but Ben was making it very clear there would be consequences if I continued to have contact with my Mother, she was causing issues in our relationship. But this time it wasn’t that sort of interaction, but he wouldn’t even listen to me. But in his respect she did fall off the wagon 3 weeks later. But I just needed the doctor's name, for Poe’s leg.”

“ Yea, might not be alive now if it wasn’t for that doctor. Not only was he amazing, but the cost. I’d never have been able to afford it, and that is with my wheelchair, they’ll pay for a prosthetic if I want one, and car modifications.

Rey was thankful for Poe’s chime in, although she was quite sure it was unnecessary, she knew Ben’s parents didn’t need nor necessarily want a play by play as to what took place. They more than anyone knew their son’s temper and what he was capable of.

It was Leia who collected Rey, followed by Han as he ushered them towards the room.

She stilled at the doorway, she’d slept in the room nearly as many times as her own at one point. And if she breathed deeply enough it was like she could smell him there, a notion she knew was crazy.Not with the way Leia was about cleaning. But the more she stood rooted, the more it permeated around her. Making her feel crazy.

“There is a box, well boxes. In the closet. We thought you’d like to go through it”

So that was it, she wasn’t crazy. And perhaps Leia wasn’t attuned to it the way she was, her head nodding as her legs magnetically seemed to draw towards where she’d been directed.

A sound behind her signaled perhaps Leia had wanted to say more, before Han had ushered her out, opting to check on Benny from what Rey could guess, and join Poe once more. There were more than a few boxes, each one marked with his name. But it wouldn’t be hard to figure what was what. Her arms straining to reach the top one, Leia ever the logical one, and Rey had been right, it was the one she’d wanted, the touch of fabric greeting her fingers at the handles nearly causing her to drop the box.

Setting the box on the bed, Rey closed the bedroom door with a quiet click. Before moving towards her favorite window. Their window. Flashes of moments with Ben playing behind her eyes as she grasped the box settling on the floor. She wanted no other distractions. Just this.

She was surprised to find his pants on top, the order making no sense to her, but as she unfolded the clean fold of the heavy material she knew she wouldn’t be able to hold the tears in long, not when remembered the last time she’d seen this exact pair, draped sloppily over her corner chair, the one that she hunched over to study in the earliest hours of the morning.

“ Ben--your pants please.”

She could hear the thundering footsteps, most likely in their kitchen, followed by the giggled that he saved for when he knew he was going to annoy her.

“ No, they’re fine. You worry about too many things Rey. Just live a little.”

His words, had done their job, because she now stood before him.And just the sight of him in his work shirt and underwear and stupid beanie made her a little less annoyed. Especially when he looked at her the way he was.

“ Ben you’re a nightmare. Pick up your fucking pants.Please, because there will be another pair on top of their friends tomorrow and--”

“ And you are too uptight, and isn’t that what I have you for? And to make sure I don’t starve.”

He was lucky she was shoe less that day, an entire mouthful of milk falling from his mouth and onto her shoulder, making her gag. But it didn’t stop him. It never did, instead he simply shoved another spoonful of the disgusting matter before pressing his lips to hers firmly, pulling away only to chew twice and swallow.

“ You won’t ever get rid of me, remember. That feeling. You and me.”

She could only nod, untangling herself from him, unable to take him seriously when he spoke like that. The intensity shaking her to her core. And in the next moment, he was swatting her in the bottom with an old piece of mail. Another thing he promised to take care of, and forgot.

“ Hey Rey--I love you.”

His words stopped her retreat. They weren’t said often, and the fact he’d stopped grazing on his awful bowl of cereal, his voice so soft she actually had to focus or she wouldn’t have heard it, she knew he meant it.

“ I know--”

She always felt sometimes she should have said more, she often professed her love, and they’d decided there wasn’t a need to reply to it every time it was said, there were moments like this, in which sometimes it needed to be one sided.

“ Ben--put your fucking pants away though.”

The simplicity of words after such a moment was worth hearing his laughter again, although the combination between it and his eating is what nightmares were made of, and in the end she put the pants away. And as she held them, she was thankful Leia kept them. But knowing Leia she kept everything.

It didn’t take her long to find it, and she didn’t look at it at all, he had three, one being the one he’d worn *that* night, but it had been very clear, that had been the newer of the set. The one she fetched out was the oldest, torn in one spot, stretched out, and soft. And every fiber of it smelled like him, and she slipped it over her head, feeling the sleeves reach past her finger tips for a single moment it felt as if he was holding her.

There was no concept of time as she sat at the window, a soft knock interrupting her thoughts, Poe sliding through the door on his crutches, face softening at the sight of his friend. “ Lets get you to bed kiddo. Want me to fold these up?”

A wave of panic rolled through her, causing her to jump up from her place, grabbing the pants and few other items that had gathered around her.

“ Okay kiddo, no worries. I get it. You don’t want it smelling like anyone else. I was like that when my mom died. But when you’re done, I’ll tuck you in okay? And before you worry, Han fed Benny, she’s all sorted. Used some of the milk you pumped. So for tonight just rest. Please Rey, if not for anyone else, Benny included, for Ben. You know it’s what he’d want.”

That was the downside to Poe Dameron, he was one of the most entertaining people she knew, he was ravishingly handsome. And many a time Ben thought there had been an interest beyond friendship, until he himself had taken the time to get to know Poe and then he said in his own stoic glory. “ I totally get it.” Because that was Poe. But the thing that annoyed Rey the most, was his way of being right.

So often he was happy and go lucky, she supposed having cancer and later losing a leg to it did that to a person. But he also had a seriousness that he approached with sheer positivity. If he knew he wasn’t right, he didn’t push at it, he might mention it but that was all that would come of it.

Unlike Ben who would argue the sky was green if need be.

But Poe was right, if there was a heaven or whatever, and they really did look over you from above. Perhaps Rey should ask Leia what Jewish believed, but then she could hear Ben rattling on about how she isn’t even really Jewish. Only when she sees fit. Holidays, and the naming of children. Or child in his case. 

Another conversation that had lead to endless laughter and the promise if they had children they’d absolutely not name their children anything biblical, simplify because Ben knew it would send Leia into fits, a bit of a fuck you for making his childhood rough. He wanted something modern, but not too fussy. And if they had a girl and fuck him if they did, somewhat girly. But nothing fucking stupid like Fanny, as he heard those names were making a comeback.

But Rey knew if there were such a thing, Poe was right. Ben would have wanted her to take care of herself, and this entire process, returning back to Seattle, making it home again, forgiving herself, that was going to be hard enough.

The morning was quiet, a soft rain, or drizzle as she learned they like to call it here fell softly outside. The smell of coffee lulled her to the kitchen, but the ache in her chest let her know there were other matters that needed to be dealt with first.

She wasn’t surprised to see Han in the kitchen, Benny tucked contently in his arms, her eyes, another thing inherited from her father gazing intently at her grandfather as he walked and poured cream into the cup before him, sliding it across the counter.

“ Who do you think taught him to make a proper cup? And I think this little lady is ready for her breakfast. Go take my chair, I can sit in Leia's. She went to the market.”

Han let Rey get settled, both herself, and Benny before taking a seat in the other chair, his finger reaching out. “ So you found the stuff. I told Leia you might like it. She wasn’t sure. She wanted to donate it at first. But I told her you might like it for something. There are somethings in there, perhaps we can cut them to make a blanket for Benny. I don’t know that might be silly I’ve just seen--”

“ No it’s perfect, thank you Han. For everything. I know this isn’t easy.”

“ You loved him Rey. Probably more than any of us. Hear me out please. You’ve always come here and seen us, and we’ve loved that. We knew you were it for him. And before you argue that you weren’t together when all this happened, none of that matters my son is pigheaded. He gets it from me, well and his mother, but don’t tell her I said that. You were it for him. I know that soulmate gibberish he talked about. But what you don’t know is it’s because that is what I believe, he probably heard it from me.”

Rey could only imagine what her face must have looked like, and she must have been surprised because she heard Benny make a noise, meaning she’d pressed her into her a bit, but she’d been so blindsided by the omission. Han Solo foul mouth, and dry humor extraordinaire, romantic and believed in soul mates.

“Did you know Leia and I weren’t together when she got pregnant with Ben? Bet he didn’t tell you that. Or that she was dating someone when I first saw her, not met her, saw her. And it felt like someone electrocuted my feet, and I walked up to her and told her she was going to be my woman one day. She tossed a drink at me and called me a neanderthal. But I genuinely felt it in my soul. It was out of nowhere, and we’d been sitting two tables away for hours.”

It was weird, hearing the parallels. Even weirder hearing the soft side of Han, but now that she looked deeper, having seen her with her daughter, *their* daughter, someone so reflective of the man they both loved, and had lost, it made perfect sense.

The shuffle in his pocket didn’t go unnoticed, although whatever she’d expected him to produce certain wasn’t what he held. It was in better condition that she’d expected. Considering it held no case, something Ben griped her for endlessly. The sticker of the shop he worked for still somewhat holding it place firmly, although its corners were beginning to pull and fold. Like the petals of a wilting flower, fitting given the circumstances.

“ There is something on there. You can call the company it turns out, and they can save it permanently. I figured you’d want it. Perhaps take it to the Hollow.”

Of course he’d be there, the trek was a bit of a hassle, and how Han had made it after a heart replacement, she’d never know. But then of course he would, if he died making his way to his son’s final resting place she knew he’d have left content.

“ You know he was a weird kid, always running up there to talk to his Grandpa, they’re buried next to one another.And old Chewie.  Get bundled, I’m sure that ugly plaid jacket of his is in that box too, I’ll watch the Princess. What you say kiddo? Hang out with Pop-pop?”

The phone felt hot in her hand as she clutched it, tucking it away so she wouldn’t be tempted by it. She dressed quickly, her fingers throwing her hair that she’d grown after the accident into a plait in record time. An old pair of jeans and T-shirt before throwing the Old Black sweater overhead. Han had been right, the eyesore of a jack lay folded neatly in a second box, along with one of Ben’s rattier beanies. “ The perfect lumberjack.” He’d have called her.

With one last check to be sure everything needed for Benny was present, and a reassurance from Poe, Rey headed up the trail behind the Solo’s property. Their homestead sat on 200 acres, most of it undeveloped forest, including its very own small stream and what could have been called a waterfall, because of course it did.

It was so perfectly simplistic, it nearly looked as if it came from a time well before they ever existed, and perfectly Ben.

*Benjamin Organa Solo*

*Beloved Son*

*Father*

*Soulmate to Rey*

*November 19, 1993 - January 15,2018*

two souls are sometimes created together    And in love before they’re even born

                                 f.scott fitzgerald

She hadn’t expected it, the star of David of course was a bit of an overkill, and it was probably good that Ben wasn’t around to see it, but it was a good distraction, but Ben would have been horrified, and knowing that and hearing his voice in her head, it made Rey laugh.

She sat on the mossy dirt, the rain having slowed to a light but chilled drizzle. The phone felt like a brick in  her pocket. But she knew what she had to do, it was the only way she’d get any closure, if this could be called that. But her anxiety was through the roof.

It appeared Han, or Leia had taken the initiative and charged the phone for her. The homescreen screamed at her, of better times. A picture she hated, but Ben insisted on, but of course he would, it was mostly him, his arm wrapped around her tightly, her eyes pinched closed as his face took up most of the screen his tongue nearly touching his chin as he refused to take a proper picture, in protest of her requests to look like a normal couple. And to infuriate her more he set it to her screen shoving the phone back at her his tone petulant as he tugged her further down the pier.

“ There, we don’t need some typical picture to prove we are a couple Rey, I’ve been inside you 50 million ways, besides this is far better than any cliche picture we could have taken, I can see your freckles, and you can see proof I no longer have tonsils, and that my parents should really have invested in braces, cheap fucks.”

Her passcode was the last step to whatever Ben had to say, his last words. To her at least. And part of her didn’t want to know, but then again she wasn’t sure if their exchange at the party was what she wanted to remember as their last moments together.

It made her wonder, did he know? Did he have any sort of inkling of what was to come?

Her finger hovered, but only momentarily, because she knew if she waited anymore she wouldn’t follow through.

It was static at first, and then she heard it, muffled, but there, rich and quiet, even behind the slap of the rain as it beat violently against the windshield.

“Rey--it’s me. But you know that. Please, pickup the phone. I know you won't, you’ve probably flipped your phone over, or tossed it in the back, and it makes me hate you that you wouldn’t let me install one of those smart stereos, the one with the bluetooth, and navigation. Because you are horrible at navigation, and then you’d have to see my phone calls, and it would disrupt you. But anyways.”

Even in the middle of a fight, Ben knew how to be somewhat humorous and she wasn’t sure if that made it worse, or better.

“Look, I’m sorry. And if you’d just answer your phone, perhaps we could pull off, have a romp? I’m sorry that was crude and I was kidding, unless you know you wanted to. But no really, we can get coffee. I wasn’t fair to you. And it’s obvious we have things to discuss, just please answer me. And Rey--”

She could hear the pause, the skid of his tires, through the other line, and for a moment she was sure the call would drop, hoped it would, because she couldn’t bear hearing it.

“ Rey--I love you. I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”

The phone call dropped, and she wasn’t sure if he knew what was happening, the way his voice sounded, the change in his breathing said perhaps he did, perhaps it had indeed happened and he’d saved her from hearing it. She wouldn’t doubt it. He’d always been somewhat of her White Knight.

But in the end, she couldn't help but be relieved, their last exchange wasn’t completely that of anger. He loved her. Despite it all, even in the end. She knew he knew. He always had been good at reading her, she’d been nothing but an open book from the moment she met him. And it was no different in the end. Even if she hadn’t gotten the chance to tell him. She knew he knew. And that gave her a bit of peace.

“ I miss you so much.”

The trek back to the house left her feeling heavy. But the emptiness had somewhat lifted. And when she reached the living room, she was somewhat surprised to see Han and Benny in the same place she left them, as if a pause button had been pressed. The only thing that had changed was the fire that had been started.

“ Hey kid, better?”

It was the first time Rey realized she had placed the phone back in its hiding place, her hand rotating it towards Han.

“ Yes, Better.”

[reylo-love-theme]

Specific personal reasons why Ben dying really hurt

Disclaimer: i know people have had many dif reactions to this movie and for those of you that liked it good for you. this is my personal opinion on my own blog so please don't attack or debate me in the comments just go make your own post please if you feel that. I respect you all and I'm just trying to cope.

This post is for people who are in a similar situation as me and want a place to relate or their thoughts turned into words.

1. I'm a childhood abuse victim myself and 2019 was a terrible year full of my trying to deal with my past and my cptsd and my toxic shame. I barely made it.

Ben Solo was a reminder that it's not too late to save yourself and that people you love do care for you. I literally leaned solely on reylo fanfiction during my darkest times for this aspect of hurt/comfort and redemption and recovery.

2. I had never went to watch a movie of my own free will (see number 1). Doing this was terrifying since I had to overcome so many triggers. I chose to watch TROS so that it would end my year on a happy note with a postive message of hope, love and recovery.

3. The only reason that I shipped Reylo was because I had investigated very throughly and had become certain they would get a happy ending.

I have a tendency of relying on fictional characters for the support I do not have in real life so I needed to choose who I love very carefully or else when I loose them I'm actually in terrible pain.

The worst thing was that I wasn't prepared for it. (Preparing and being nihilist had given me depression and I literally pulled myself out of that thought process for this hope of Ben living. It seemed so close to happening and I got stabbed in the stomach and left in a puddle of blood)

Now, I'm struggling really hard not to blame myself for falling for false hope again (I had made that mistake once and swore off hope for like 11 years) (even though I know that being so cynical is terrible for my health)

4.I stepped on Reylo in 2018/2019 fully and spent a whole year looking forward to this movie. It brought me so much joy and I tamped out my inner cynic that said "putting your hope in something you love will only let you down".

I told myself that even with all that has happened in 2019, making it to December and watching the movie would be symbolic for me (a way of saying "look world, I made it.")

5. The message the movie sends me is just.... I really can't. I don't understand why it couldn't be a happy ending for Ben who literally redeemed himself. For me personally, I don't consider a kiss and a smile and then death a happy ending. What does that mean for me? A person who related so heavily to this broken struggling character. Does it mean that all my pain was worth nothing in the end? That those who I love will never love me back or remember me or even care that I was abused and my trauma made me a literal walking self-defence mechanism? That the only ending the general population accepts as morally correct is for "bad" abuse victims to die?

And the message of Ben dying for someone he loves (while not a bad trope) is toxic because of the way it is shown. Even with the emoting on Rey's behalf, it's not enough to justify someone dying for that. (There just isn't enough romance or support from Rey (unlike TLJ)) It seemed like an unbalenced love (because of the way Rey just kept on rejecting him and hurting him without really trying to help (until the end where literally he sacrificed himself, would someone who loved you do that?)

And the additional message that Ben's family would help a random stranger but not the person that literally needed them and still loved them after all the abandoment he went through. My family literally turned a blind eye (or just blamed me as a weakling for reacting to it) to my abuse and that is what happens to Ben. Even at his death, not one single member of his family (Han was just a memory) was there to mourn him or even help him (Leia's disappearance thing I'm so confused on what the heck happened, why the heck did Maz smile if Ben just literally died and his mom died trying to save him.)

And no one bothered to be on his side, he literally had to redeem himself the whole way. That isn't a good message to people who need help. It's literally saying that you are the only one who can save yourself (not a bad message by itself but the strength of the message comes from the fact that others can stand by you as you save yourself not BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE WILL OR WILL HELP YOU)

Anakin sidelineing him for Rey was just salt in the wound.

As someone who's pain was literally ignored and laughed at by the whole family, this was immensely rage inducing.

And what about rey and her character development? I also had related to her for being abandoned by her parents and left to fend for herself. She was a nobody who was strong on her own. She didn't need to be related to a strong lineage. Additonally, ending up all alone on the same kind of desert she started at is not a good message. ( I get the nostalgia thing but they could have literally used any other character, Rey wasn't a good choice for that scene) First off, she wanted to get off jakku. She wanted a family. Ben told her she wasn't alone. Next, she needed to realize that being a nobody didn't mean she was worthless ( a strong and powerful message to ordinary girls) (not find out oops i was from a loving family all along!!!) That isn't good plot when she literally spend two movies recovering from her parents abandonment (it makes it seem like ohhh they loved you and this was the only best

thing they could do!! XOXO (this is a common victim blaming trick abuse apologizers use to silence victims pain)) it would have made sense if she found this out earlier but to do this to an already developed character arc is just sucky. Her turning dark influenced by palp is not as good a message as her turning dark influenced by her past and her overcoming it anyway. For star wars, a theme has always been hope, love and redemption and I feel like the theme was picked up but not carried through in one character, instead spread throughout everyone but leaving a sense of unsatisfactory ending since no one really ended their arc. (In my opinion, you can have a different one)

6. Ben dying. That is just cruel and sadistic..there were already so many "surprise they are alive illogically!" Moments that JJ could literally have pulled one for Ben a final time and no one would have batted an eye. It would have suited the style of the movie. It was such a bad shock for me. The movie already baited my heart several times with Ben nearly dying and I cheered internally when he came back. I held out my hope till the very end of the credits and this movie just made of fool of me. I was ready to gloss over any and all flaws and buy merch if only Ben had been loved and lived.

7. The way it affected me. (Warning this might be upsetting to read so skip if you don't want to hear about mental health right now)

I was in so much shock as I stumbled out of the theater that I literallt thought I was going to be okay. I couldn't feel anything and I felt sick and empty. (That's not a reaction a star wars movie should give or any "hopeful" movie)(this is coming from someone who has watched the sacrifical death trope many times and cried (it was a good hurt))

This wasn't because there was literally no resolution or purpose to the death. It seemed like a cliche trope failure of redemption=death. But with the added on "no mourning, superfical loss". (It would have been more acceptably had it been a side character, bad writing can excuse it, but for a main half of the protagonist this is just sick)

I wandered home mechanically on Friday and then as soon as I thought back to the scene where Ben smiled and died I broke down crying. And I lost all my appetite and felt nauseous for an entire two days. I barely ate two meals during that time because I was so distraught and my mental health crashed completely back into my worse cptsd symptoms and nightmares and insomnia and waking up to panic attacks. I wasn't functioning, I kept trying to pull myself together but my only postive coping mechanism(reading reylo fanfiction) was gone. In fact I felt betrayed that my coping mechanism would actually be the cause of my pain.

I completely felt like those two days were actually traumatizing and as someone who has actually experienced traumatic events I'm using the word in a serious way. Anything can hurt you badly enough if you put enough of your heart and vulnerability into it.

Now it's Monday I'm just trying to recover enough to go outside again but I feel really tired. I'm trying to salvage my christmas and my life as a big middle finger to whoever decided that abuse and mental health could be used as convenient plot points and just discarded and laughed at.

[pandoraspocksao3]

What Are You Reading?  TROS fix-it edition. 2/16/20

Hi, fellow Reylos!!!  

It’s been a while since I did one of these.  It’s been a while since I have had any time to READ!!! Like most of you, I was really disappointed by the TROS movie and I’m looking mainlyl at TROS fixits these days, or AUs with happy endnigs.  I’m still following stories from my previous posts, but many authors are on hiatus or are working on something new, so let’s see check out some fresh stories for our star-crossed lovers and see if there are any happy endings in sight for them?  

*Note: Most of these are WIP given the fact that it’s only been a couple of months since TROS!

And if you reblog this, please add your own recommendations and why you like them!  My finds are below this line (because it will be a long post).

1.  I Am Beautiful With You by @greyforceuser​.  1/?  (Mature)   

Based on the prompt,  “Rey was found and trained by Snoke while Ben never went dark.“

Summary: Rey has been emphatically single-minded since the moment her parents were murdered when she was 10.Taken in by her savior that awful day, he has taught her everything he knows, training her for the one thing he promised he could help her get: revenge.

She is closing in on her target when a complication arises, in the form of a handsome starfighter racing pilot named Kylo Ren, to whom she feels an immediate and unusual connection.Their coming together will change both of their lives in ways they couldn't have imagined.

Why I like:  Love the role reversal here with a Dark Rey. I love other works by this author, so I’m looking forward to where this one goes. 

2.   Soft Wet Kisses that last 3 Days...is this Heaven? by Scyfymom13 (ao3 user name - no tumblr account)  3/10  (Mature)

SUMMARY:  Rey is a minor league catcher brought on to help nurture the new pitcher. Ben is a self exiled ball player living on a Jogan Fruit farm or the AU Field of Dreams - Bull Durham mashup. 

Okay, this isn’t exactly a TROS fixit fic, but it’s a baseball AU that is so refreshing, and if you have a background in softball or a kid in ball, this will make you laugh! And Rey and Ben are on a romantic trojectory.  If you haven’t seen Field of Dreams or Bull Durham, they are great films! This one is just a lot of fun.

Why I like:   Enjoying a large cast of Star Wars characters and baseball lingo - fun escapism!

3.  Across Alternate Universes by @intp-slytherin​  19/25  (Mature)

SUMMARY:  Rey Niima couldn’t comprehend why her former foster brother turned friend/co-worker, Ben Solo looking circa 2012, ended up in her apartment, demanding what ‘force dream’ she was imposing on him.

Somehow two Ben Solos from different universes switch places, leaving their Reys to figure out how to handle a Ben vastly different than their own—not to mention the finicky thing called a force bond.

Why I like:  This is an AU I started a long time ago and I’m so into it! I love the “nerfherders” couple Ben and Rey and then when NH-Ben and Space Kylo somehow get switched, it makes for some hilarious and tense situations! I love the concept and the writing is geat!

4.  Lovesick by @perrydowning​  21/?  (Mature)

SUMMARY:  Rey travels back to when Ben is 19 and training with Luke.

This, this is what, who he’s been waiting for. Which is especially odd since he wants to be a Jedi Master, and Luke has never been seen with anyone. Is it even allowed? He’d never thought it would matter much to him.

But now, now it godsdamned matters, because he’s in love. At least he thinks he is. He’s 19 and he’s never felt like this before, so it’s hard to tell. And he’s not going to ask anyone. He has a hard enough time hiding her from the voices as it is.

Because that’s one thing he does know. Rey isn’t to be shared.

With anyone.

Why I like:  It’s a Perry Downing story, so it’s going to be good, but particularly in lieu of the disappointment of the TROS movie, this is definitely comfort tea and a reimagining of our favorite couple as it might have been. And her stories always end with HEA, and who doesn’t want a heavy dose of that right now?

5.  The Call of the Light  by Moongrim and @nancylovesreylo​  28/28 COMPLETED FIC, (Explicit)

SUMMARY:  Post TLJ – Rey is now part of the Resistance and Kylo Ren is the Supreme Leader of the First Order. Will their paths cross anew? Will the Force once again be able to unite these two beings for whom everything seems opposed?

Why I like: It’s got very well done action scenes.  It takes place after TLJ and ignores TROS. Disclaimer:  I haven’t had time to finish it yet, but what I’ve read I’ve really liked! 

 Okay, that’s it for this week.  I try not to overwhelm people with fics, so I usually go with about 5 fic recs on these.  But feel free to reblog and add your own recs or fics.  Just be sure to put in a link to the fic, a short summary, and why you recommend it!

That’s all for now, my ravenous readers!  Enjoy the recs, and please tag me if you need to reblog a fic of your own or someone elses.  I eventually check my Tumblr and will reblog!  *The only caveat is that I have a lot of younger people following my blog, so if it’s really racy or has kinks, give me a heads up or make that really clear in your post! 

Good vibes to you all from Auntie Pandora! Stay groovy!

[chriscdcase95]

How not to debate Ships and Shipping

I am writing this from personal experience, and from noticing bad cases of Ship Policing going on in the Hazbin Hotel and Star Wars fandom as of late. I figured a bunch of kids got too much computer time from their parents and are in need of education, because this is a more extreme throwback to the shipping wars that occurred in the Twilight and iCarly fanbase from way back when. 

Since 2010, I have found myself a little immersed into the practice of shipping. At the start of this decade, I was Team Edward/Team Jacob levels of ship crazy, and here I am now with a new perspective on things. 

I've even devolved into multi shipping, but I apply that when it comes to compartmentalizing fanfiction and canon. I have my share of OTP's and NOTP's (although Jemma of Every Witch Way is personally my top NOTP for multiple reasons).

Anyways, welcome to my TedTalk where I will educate you ten to fifteen year old's about how not to debate ships. Take it from an old geezer with ten years of experience, I was there in the middle of ship wars at the start of the decade.

I said in previous posts that ships are a funny thing. They should be small in the grand scheme of things, and fans put them on this great and grand pedestals. Some to the extent where people become downright psychotic bullies about the ships they like or don't like, going as far as to police ships to other fans, and sometimes creators. I think we can agree Ship Policing should be seen as toxic behaviour, right ? Well, no. I'll admit that is a complex issue, even for a multi shipper like me. I brought this up in two Facebook groups I'm in, and the basic consensus is that Ship Policing is toxic behaviour -  except when they romanticize domestic violence, rape, pedophilia, etc.

But what is Ship Policing ?  Simply put, telling people who they are or are not allowed to ship; bullying and shaming others over their ships; and in the biggest extreme, sending death threats and rape threats to other fans over these pairings. The Jemma fans of Every Witch Way for example, are probably the biggest example of Ship Policing, seeing as they literally got the showrunners to rewrite the show to fit their ships fanfiction AU image. But that's neither here nor there, but the point is, AU's are best left to fanfiction or It's A Wonderful Life plots.

Similarly, the Hazbin Hotel fandom had this (hopefully/mercifully one) really bad apple coming the Chalastor fandom, who went on homophobic speeches and demanding that the showrunners make Chalastor canon over Chaggie because and RadioDust- in their own words - "Gays are gross" and went as far as to send death threats to the creators. Because that will certainly make your ship canon, and not make you and yours look like the Jemma fandom.

A less malicious and more hilariously petty example comes from The Loud House fandom, where Luanny fans tend to get butthurt over fans, fics and art of the Luaggie ship, despite the Luanny already being canon and Luaggie only ever existing in fanworks. It was such a one sided non-issue, that it was the Spec Ops the Line of ship wars.

Also within the Loud House fandom there is an artist who made OC's based off of his ships AU. I'm not into the ship or AU, but I saw him getting death threats not just to himself, but his OC's as well. I may not be fully aware of the situation (like I just said, I don't follow the ship or AU), but even I can call this a toxic and illogical way of thinking.

To make a primary and personal example for this lecture, I am going to bring up the most outlandish ship discussion I was part of the past year. Some time ago, I ended up in a debate regarding Kim Possible ships in a Facebook group I posted on. In it I said I wasn't into non canon but popular ship called Kigo. When I re-watched the series, the Drakgo and Kim x Ron (the latter of which I just realized didn't have a ship name) just kind of grew on, and I felt that there were some problems with Kigo as a romantic relationship.

Now I want to make sure to point out that if you like Kigo, that is 100% okay, it is just in my opinion that it would be problematic. It's my personal opinion that if you apply their canon characterization, you'll run into the same problems Anti Reylos have with Rey and Ben. Anyways, when I said my peace, most of the Kigo's didn't make a big deal about it; they took it in stride; calmly disagreed with me and stated their stance. This is what a proper ship discussion should be. It would have been one of the most stable, non toxic discussions I was a part of. Nothing memorable was supposed to happen.

Then she came along.

Since she isn't internet famous on this site or others as far as I know, I am not going to use real names because I don't want this person to be doxxed, stalked or cyberbullied, but I will us LP as a substitute. She will be our example of what a toxic anti will look like, and our example of how not to debate or discuss a ship. Simply put, if she had the fame, she would be the TrueLoveHeart94 of the Kigo fandom (look up Dumbsville's videos on him YouTube, and you'll get a good idea of what I'm talking about).

One of the first things to use is a simple explanation for your stance. When I was explaining my stance, I explained how I came to my conclusions simply by watching the show, putting some thought into it, and making my own opinion based on what I observed. Like I said these were my opinions, observations, and at no point do I claim it to be some objective fact. At no point to attack Kigo's, at no point did I call them toxic. The most I did was explain why I find it problematic. Like I said, if you like Kigo that is 100% fine and dandy, you'll get not hate or bullying from me.

LP on the other hand, well she just couldn't accept that someone didn't like Kigo. How dare I prefer two canonically heterosexual characters in a canon het ship. How dare I commit the crime of having an unpopular, differing opinion. Even worse how dare I try to explain my reasoning. 

It was one of those fan discussions. Now when I thought this was going to be a civil discussion, I asked her just why I was wrong not to ship Kigo. Why is Kim x Ron or Drakgo so toxic ? She didn't really give me a real answer; the closest she got to a coherent response was a borderline Darwinist rant about how "strong women shouldn't date weakling men".

That was what should have made me think "is this discussion worth having ?" (For the record, some of my favourite ship dynamics is with a tough or strong woman with a meek, even nerdish man so the whole "the strong shouldn't be paired up with weaklings" is a non argument to me).

Pretty soon she began breaking the following steps one should take in a debate

. Don't use double standards or Non Sequiturs - First thing you should be aware of in any debate is to actually listen too and answer you're opponents points. The talking points of dodging questions, or ignoring answers - a well as using those same answer to support your points - is an inherently dishonest tactic. If you have a point or counterpoint, it'll do you good not to use dishonest tactics to try to "win" your debates.

One of the things I had issues with regarding Kigo was one of the same points (if not the main) LP raised for the ship. As I said above one of my problems was some of the same talking points Anti-Reylo's raise. I pointed out how Kim and Shego have tried to kill each other a few times in the series, something LP both acknowledges and ignores in the exact same sentence. LP's own talking points for their relationship was their romantic/sexual chemistry could be seen in their fight scenes. This is an example of a Double Standard.

When I pointed out the abusive implications of this thought process, rather than directly answer this, LP went on to equate my point as accusing professional wrestlers of being abusive to their wives. This is an example of a Non Sequitur. She doesn't answer or address my points, and my points don't count unless they support her argument.

Double standards and Non Sequiturs in general should be avoided in any kind of debate. If a talking point is raised against you, it has to be addressed. Not doing so is a less dignified admission that you don't really have an answer.

Another example of this can be seen in the Team Edward vs Team Jacob noise; a Team Jacob fan could say that Edward was a stalker towards Bella, ignoring and dodging a counter argument of Jacob's "Nice Guy" attitude towards Bella and how he forcibly kissed her (also there's Charlie's non reaction to this, but that's beside the point). The same goes vice versa; both are problematic.

Use canon evidence to make your point - Admittedly this one can only really apply if you are making a case for a non canon ship, or pointing out problems with a canon one.

Now the reason LP was so impassioned about her arguments was her insistence that Kigo had to be canon. As she said, it wasn't enough that it was popular enough as a fanfic ship; it wasn't enough that I had to ship it; but she was trying to make the case that Kigo had to be the canon ship of the show, and she was trying to make the case for it.

TrueLoveHeart94 thought process aside, if  you want to make a canon case for your ship, it'll do you good in ship debates is use canon evidence. What I am saying is there are some ships that work in canon, others in fanfiction. If you were to make a point to prove your ship would work in canon, use canon examples.

For example, I mentioned above someone in the Hazbin Hotel fandom tried to make the canon case for Chalastor....by citing their personal homophobia and making death threats towards Ashley and Vivziepop.

In the debate, I used the show to explain why I wasn't into Kigo (as well as my above mentioned reasons) and I mentioned how I didn't see much in canon to see a romantic relationship. Now I want to be clear, I saw Kigo as a fanfic based ship and I am aware that Drakken and Shego seemingly reform at the end of the series, but with canon at best I see Kim and Shego as having a sisterly relationship. I also want to be clear I am not a canon purist. There are many non canon couples I like, I am a multi-shipper after all and I can compartmentalize fanfic couples with my canon OTP's. And I am a supporter of AU's. Hell, there's even Hero x Villain ships I am into...it's just Kigo isn't one of them. I am not an anti; I don't hate the Kigo relationship or it's fan; I just wasn't into it and the canon ships just grew on me when I revisited the series.

When I asked for canon examples that Kigo could work as a romantic pairing, LP's response was to cite fanfiction and fan art as proof.

Let me repeat; I asked for canon examples to prove her point, and why my stance was wrong....and she used fanworks.

I don't think I need to explain the problem here.

To my knowledge, not even TrueLoveHeart94 uses fanfiction/art to make a canon case for Sonamy. This is the kind of straw grasping I can see Chris Weston Chandler making. I don't even know what else to say about this. I still get slacked thinking about it.

Anyway, when I said the fanfiction isn't considered canon, LP responded thusly...

Avoid Ad Hominems and slander

Okay, this one should be a no brainer; when you are in a debate of any kind, there is one thing you can do that means you immediately loose your debate. Your points no longer become valid, you surrender any argument you may have, and you prove that you are not worth debating.

Ad Hominems, personal insults, death/rape threats, racist/homophobic ranting, slander, etc.

Let's just say the nicer things LP said was calling me retarded. I am not sure if that was a coincidence since I mentioned that I was autistic earlier in the discussion.

Keep in mind, all I did throughout the discussion was answer LP's questions, and explain my stance. I even said that it was just my opinion and at no point did I claim it to be objective fact.  At no point did I accuse LP of being racist; a nazi; biphobe; rape/abuse apologist; self-misogynist or misandrist; I never called her abelist (despite some of what she said above).

As for what she said to me ? Like I said, being called a retard was one of the more tame things she said of me. She kept sending me notifications that included angry, barely coherent rants, TrIgGeReD tExT, the whole nine yards.

See, this isn't how you win debates, this is how you rage quit these debates. To give you an idea of the way she was saying, I refer you to Dumbsville's videos on TrueLoveHeart94; the resemblance between LP and TrueLoveHearts comments are rather uncanny. Now for context, the discussion started approx. 6:00 to 7:00 PM...these notifications have been ongoing well into 1:30 AM.

And all this because I said I wasn't into a ship she liked.

That is when I put a stop to the discussion. I blocked LP and deleted the discussion just to be safe.

Conclusion

So as we start the new decade, I look back at how much I've seen making mountains out of molehills (shipping wars). I have seen, heard, even been part of these ship wars and discussions since  2010. My disastrous "debate" with LP is a recent example.

I do believe there is nothing wrong with discussing ships, but it has ben ten years and ship wars are just as bad as they were when Twilight hit the scene. I have heard stories of people getting threats of rape, doxing, threats to people families; people pushing others to self harm for liking "the wrong ship".

I wrote this to educate the young and impressionable in the 2020's not to repeat the same mistakes both I and others made in 2010. The fact the LP incidents is from 2019 and the incident with the Hazbin Hotel fandom are from December 2019 alone, shows that you good folks need some learning to do. Something that should be considered fun shouldn't be something worth hurting yourself or others over.

If you ever find yourself in such a debate, always remember to actually address points raised against you; don't dodge questions; if asked to provide canon reasons for why something should be a canonical OTP or NOTP, please remember that fanfiction are not considered canon examples; if you ever find yourself throwing nasty accusations, insults or threats to people's safety in a debate, then that means you lost the debate.

Hopefully you can follow this advise, and help make shipping fun again, and not something to start World War III over.

This had been my Ted Talk.