"take half a pill before bed for one week then increase to one whole pill" there on the label and i already know what i am in for, that transitory period of starting new medication.
this is all incredibly recent, february. i have been suffering through it all, 27 years, until i found myself crying at work because of "ocd tendencies" they say, i say, because put that way, it's not definitive, but a maybe.
and since february, i have lost myself in the haze six times. six. already. (and one abrupt withdrawl period as an experiment from one doctor which was ill-advised by every subsequent professional i have seen after). and tonight we risk another. for these unanswered for tremors.
they say before bed as it will "make me drowsy" and at first that was exciting, it is what i wanted, but as it gets later, as the light outside grows dimmer, i am scared of becoming tired.
"i have a phobia of sleep" she told me and i told her "i have been scared of my dreams since i was five." this past week i have been dying every night that my body, my brain, something, has been refusing to let me drift back, there is no peace. i didn't fall asleep until 930 this morning, phone in hand, an hour and a half of mismatched baggage under my eyes before another appointment in the city.
i have spent the last several months dreaming on schedule, waking every two hours, all night, dying, panicking, resetting my mind to hit replay. but i don't think i am ready for this, what if i get stuck, trapped, will i spend six hours experiencing the nothingness of death? is it worth it? there was a time in my life i could rest. wasn't there?
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i am taking you up on your invitation to ask about the incarnadines!
:3c
right so first thing, a little historical background is needed to explain how and why the incarnadine family ended up in the position that they did: the current period began about three hundred and fifty years ago with the expansion of what was then called the valende republic through the mountains into a region of northeast sanus called the marquetry, which was overwhelmingly populated by a mainly sea-faring people called the alenbo. (ozma was an alenboic sailor at the time.)
(sidebar: due to the tides there’s a strong tendency for sea-faring groups to be fairly small while also developing a technological edge over their land-bound neighbors, because of the extreme difficulties that subsisting on the ocean entails; it’s similar in practice to the real historical tendency for pastoral nomads to be pushed onto marginal land by sedentary agrarian competitors, except with the complicating factor that the sea peoples have a subsistence base that requires them to be really skilled with dust. for the alenboics specifically, think "mongolian horse archers, but with boats and dust-based weather magic")
the marquetry wasn’t conquered per se so much as valende went "this is now a valendian province and if you disagree no you don’t :)"—because valende was massive and had the requisite numbers and military excellence to annex smaller neighbors "diplomatically"—but a significant number of alenboics went "fuck you" and sailed north to found tumak on the west coast of solitas. over the course of the next two centuries the tumakian gradually spread inland to what is now mantle and the coastal settlements were eventually abandoned as the dust deposits they relied upon were depleted.
MEANWHILE, the northwest end of sanus—the vitrine peninsula—is home to a mix of nomadic and semi-nomadic peoples collectively called (in vytali) the glass folk. the lowland parts of the region are boggy and absolutely crawling with grimm; it is nearly impossible to travel straight north from the heart of vale in the maragda valley to the vitrine peninsula.
(that is why it took cinder three days to travel from hellebore’s crossing to vale city: she hopped a ferry north to where VIGL—the vytal intergovernmental league—is headquartered on the isle of vytal, took another ferry east and then a coach cross-country to couloir, on the northeast coast, and then the overnight express southwest through the mountains to vale. because to take a more direct route you’d have to cross about five hundred kilometers of grimm territory.)
so for valende, half the point of annexing the marquetry was to use it as a staging ground to finally conquer the vitrine peninsula—long, long history of enmity between the people of the maragda valley and the glass folk, who historically have dealt with grimm in part by adopting a style of warfare that can be best described as "get the grimm to fight for you by terrorizing the fuck out of your enemies." anyway, the glass folk were none too pleased about this, but once the republic had a corridor into the vitrine peninsula from the east it became sort of a forever-war situation; valende’s armies could penetrate into the region, capture some territory, start to build forts, and then the glass folk would rile up the grimm to drive them back again. rinse and repeat for a couple centuries.
around 240 VE (~115 years ago), tumak and other coastal settlements in western solitas are formally abandoned for mantle. about a decade and a half after this is where the incarnadines come into the picture, with frida incarnadine. she’s from one of the glass folk groups and shrewd enough to recognize that this perpetual stalemate with valende is just not going to end if nothing changes. meanwhile alenboics still living in the marquetry are becoming increasingly dissatisfied with valendian rule and mantle is, with mistrali backing, beginning to test the waters by making ominous noises about liberating that region—after all, mantle is an alenboic state.
(on top of all this, there are also the canonical pressures that contributed to the outbreak of the great war: imperial mistral stakes a claim on and occupies a region of eastern vale further south, slave trade between mantle and mistral is booming, oz—as osiander—inherits the throne of what is now a republic-in-name-only after centuries of an elective monarchy being slowly corrupted into a hereditary one, and does what he can to clean up the mess whilst preventing the simmering international tensions from boiling over.)
in every other respect besides her displeasure with the ongoing stalemate of valende’s effort to annex the vitrine peninsula, frida is in political alignment with osiander but it’s anathema among the glass folk to even consider siding with the republic on anything while there is still an active valendian campaign into their homeland. and there aren’t an abundance of other options, besides throwing in with the marquetry alenboics and soliciting aid from mantle. so frida does that. around 259 VE, she persuades the mantelian chancellor to formally recognize ‘the vitrine federation’ as a sovereign state. both ratify a mutual defense treaty.
osiander is desperate to avoid a war with mantle, so he withdraws valendian troops from the contested territory in the west and makes an attempt to establish diplomatic ties with the new federation which are, for obvious reasons, very coldly received. in any case the upshot of all this is that frida winds up being a key player in the marquetry conflict a few years later, when the alenboic population declares independence, because that mutual defense pact she orchestrated included language obliging the vitrine federation to support the liberation of the marquetry from valendian occupation, and that was not a hard sell for any of the glass folk.
the marquetry conflict isn’t what sparked the great war—that happened a few years later when fighting broke out between mistrali colonists and valendian forces in the southern provinces, which rapidly snowballed—but it did presage a wider conflict and nobody involved wanted it to escalate, particularly. during this period frida is one of the most determined voices on the mantelian side advocating for a diplomatic approach and lives in mantle full time.
historians generally credit her as the main reason the marquetry conflict didn’t erupt into open warfare despite extremely high tensions in the region and occasional skirmishes. it was a bit less than a decade of cold war for independence before rioting in the southern provinces struck a match, and…
…a contributing factor as to why those riots ignited such a horrific war is they coincided with frida incarnadine and the mantelian chancellor, ijsbrand, having a falling out over what came to be known as the Interdiction—draconian censorship laws forced through on the pretext that it would keep the people safe from grimm. frida objected quite strenuously until ijsbrand froze her out of his circle of advisors, whereupon she resigned from her post as the federation’s ambassador and became an outspoken critic of the regime. which was, obviously, illegal.
so she gets arrested and (like many of ijsbrand’s political enemies) flown out to the coldfire waste—around the north pole—and dumped there to die. unlike most of ijsbrand’s political enemies, frida is a master konurge and also completely fucking unafraid of the grimm on account of where she came from, so instead of dying she makes the long trek back to mantle specifically to go "i lived, bitch" and then make him regret making an enemy of her.
consequently once the great war began, the vitrine federation sided with valende (and ended up getting carpet-bombed almost to oblivion for its trouble. most of the territory “lost to the grimm” during the war was in fact lost to Being Bombed, with grimm hordes moving in after. this is a distinction the glass folk in particular tend to be very precise about). frida herself spent most of the duration of the great war in mantle, underground, organizing popular resistance to the ijsbrand regime.
after the war, the vytal accords obliged ijsbrand’s government to pay very substantial reparations not only to what was now called the republic of vale but also to certain key figures in the mantelian resistance who had been individually targeted for persecution, which made frida incarnadine very rich,and then frida went "…the accords abolished slavery without making explicit provisions for what is to happen to all the slaves, and i received more money than any one person needs" and established the incarnadine foundation to solve both problems.
initially the incarnadine foundation, headquartered in mantle, functions as connective tissue binding together a coalition of political groups and charities united by the project of uplifting emancipated people; the foundation itself provides legal aid to formerly enslaved persons pro bono, but frida’s reparation money and existing web of political connections lead to the foundation also becoming sort of the central organizing hub because she knows everybody.
frida never marries but she does adopt a daughter, amanta, a couple years after the war ends. amanta incarnadine is reclusive and intellectual—her biggest political achievement is setting up a research grant through the foundation after frida passes away, and flatly resisting the migration of wealth from mantle to what was then the upperclass suburb of atlas.
what amanta incarnadine is really known for though are two things:
publishing a seminal paper on the koniolytic reaction, the interaction between aura and dust that makes the magic happen, that more or less created the modern scientific field of catathymic mechanics*, and
killing herself by jumping off the coastal cliffs less than a year later.
(*this is like the esoteric equivalent of quantum physics in a world where alchemical theories turned out to be scientifically sound and the human soul is a tangible material reality)
her reasons for doing so were and still are unclear; prior to her death, she was notoriously aloof and kept very few friends, none close. her then-fifteen-year-old daughter inherits everything, fights for and wins emancipation rather than become a ward of the mantelian state, and proves to have both amanta’s intellect and frida’s general disposition.
she enrolls in ambergris college in mantle at sixteen to study dust, graduates with high honors just three years later, divides her time between hellebore’s crossing (where she rehabilitates the long-vacant family winter house) and continuing her post-grad studies in mantle (where she builds upon amanta’s research and theories to help pioneer the emerging discipline of catathymic mechanics + keeps up with the foundation’s work as it begins to expand to encompass advocacy against practices like indentured servitude).
all of this happens in the late 20s/early 30s. (amanta dies in 326; sable finishes her undergrad at ambergris in 329 and completes her masters in 332.) around the same time, the situation in mountain glenn is becoming untenable with the retreat into the under-city occurring in 331.
sable’s research concerns subatomic auraleric interactions between dust and (controversially) grimm, but her interest in grimm is stymied by international civilian restrictions; no one is allowed to travel into ‘bleak zones’—uninhabitable grimm territory—without a license. most grimm researchers handle this by hiring huntsmen to act as a security detail. sable handled it by living on the fringes of grimm territory in hellebore’s crossing for close on a decade and then passing the atlas academy licensing exam.
(no one ever, ever remembers that sable incarnadine is a licensed huntress. she does the absolute bare minimum necessary to prevent her license expiring—which means taking a contract about once per quarter—and strictly takes the sort of backwoods minimum fee gig most professional huntsmen avoid, because when she is in the public eye she wants the spotlight to be on her research.)
she gets her license the same year the mountain glenn under-city is overrun, 334.
(that incident is also how ozpin, then thirty-two, winds up headmaster of beacon academy without ever having been a professor: when the valean council gives the order to seal off the tunnels rather than risk an evacuation that might bring grimm into the valley en masse, ozpin puts out a call and steals a couple bullheads along with a handful of other huntsmen, to save whoever they can reach. most of the survivors—there are only about a hundred altogether—were rescued and flown out by ozpin et al.
sacrificing mountain glenn is politically disastrous for the valean council as the official narrative of pragmatic necessity immediately gets derailed by "the heroes of mountain glenn risked their lives and licenses to save dozens, more could have been saved if the council had tried," so the council appoints ozpin to the headmaster’s office as a last-ditch effort to salvage public opinion before being, predictably, slaughtered at the polls.)
less than half a year later sable delves into the ruins solo, over the protestations of, like. everybody. to study the grimm there; all the relay towers are down so she’s out of contact the whole time and blows past her planned return date by long enough that she’s missing, presumed dead by the time she emerges unscathed with a fuckton of data that she synthesizes into a paper entitled on the eusocial structure of grimm hordes: conclusions drawn from a survey of mountain glenn. her conclusions are WILDLY CONTROVERSIAL (she suggests that grimm communicate with each other via konurgic signaling and that hordes display complex organization similar to that of bees or ants) but mostly borne out by subsequent studies.
for the next decade or so she churns out research like she’ll die if she stops, and when she isn’t doing that she’s in mantle making common cause with the fauni there—during frida’s time, the incarnadine foundation and its allies were very successful in seizing the opportunity and post-war mantle became a bastion for fauni civil rights, but by sable’s time the migration of (human) wealth from mantle to atlas gives rise to the alsius meritocratic party (AMP) and the reactionary backlash is in full swing.
ozpin isn’t initially involved in the plan to raise atlas—that’s an AMP scheme—but when he hears about it he goes 😬 because he’s thinking ahead to maybe a couple centuries down the line when the city runs out of dust. he and ironwood (who is at this point atlas’ headmaster but otherwise politically irrelevant) are old school friends and ironwood has some limited understanding of the divine mandate due to having been around when ozma reincarnated into his teammate. neither of them has anything like the political power necessary to put a stop to the ascension project so the priority is damage control: either the city flies on a massive but finite load of gravity dust, or… the two of them position themselves close enough to the project to sneak the staff of creation into the works with no one the wiser.
to that end they both become publicly enthusiastic about the project until the AMP-controlled atlas council starts to bring ironwood into the loop. meanwhile sable, who a) is more urgently concerned with the immediate socioeconomic and political ramifications of raising atlas than the logistical problems of the distant future, and b) only knows what the general public knows, emerges as one of the project’s sharpest critics.
(she starts writing scathing editorials about ironwood and ozpin around this time and then just. never stops. ironwood thinks sable incarnadine was put on remnant to be his personal nemesis. ozpin has never met her but feels that arguing with her via dueling opinion pieces constitutes a friendly rivalry.)
picking fights with the powers that be in atlas and then (when the fauni insurgency in mistral begins about a year later) vigorously voicing support for the rebels is what elevates her from "notable grimm expert" to "notorious crackpot" because the average person on remnant is only familiar with her work through several distorting filters of interpretation and summary, although she is very highly respected within her field. controversial but meticulous about her conclusions is her general reputation among other experts.
the politics did get her blackballed by a lot of academic institutions in atlas but her answer to that was to look over at the fauni who’d just won a war and established a state on menagerie and go "can me and my posse of brilliant scientists set up our own research institute down there," to which the new qilinese government replied "please do" and that’s the PRISM Institute.
<- all that was a decade ago, with the fauni revolution ending in 347. in the interim she kind of slowed down on the pace of her research on account of adopting a child and writing a handful of books for laypeople, most of them nonfiction but also one incandescently strange historical fiction novel. she summers in mantle, winters in hellebore’s crossing, and sometimes lives in qilin for months at a time when her research can’t be done in the field.
(the incarnadines aren’t wealthy by any measure now—frida poured most of the reparation money into the foundation and amanta transferred her remaining investments to fund the research grant. sable makes a living off of being one of the few people in the world who can make really high-content konurgic alloys without blowing herself up—these can’t be machine-manufactured because molten dust is too volatile, but they’re extremely valuable, like "every CCTS tower was built with several tonnes of hand-made wire" valuable, so the master-konurges capable of creating them make bank. sable does like 3-4 spools a year and smaller ad hoc commissions and never worries about money.)
the reason tdt cinder is… the way she is is sable’s social circle consists almost entirely of 1. other scientists who are leading experts in their fields, 2. firebrand mantelian activists, and 3. eccentric denizens of hellebore’s crossing, many of whom herd domesticated deer through grimm territory for a living. we’re only on the top of the iceberg right now but the CHASM between what cinder thinks is common knowledge and what’s actually common knowledge is extremely funny
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