#rumpy pumpy

[vintage-tigre]

[bananafiction]

that olivia benson story rocked my world, but my cravings are not quite sated. could you possibly rustle up a lust-filled, earth shattering romp between olivia and reader, perhaps she is in a sun dress… perhaps there is a cheeky picnic blanket involved? 👀👗🫦

I saw mariska in a skirt dress earlier today. it was quite sexy. mhmm maybe I will 🤔

[galwaygirl83]

"Rumpy pumpy humpy"🤭😂

👆Clip from Rob Beckett's Smart TV via colbridgey on Twitter👇

[28dayslater]

Me: you've not been yourself lately, I'm worried about you. Are you feeling alright?

My friend The British Incel: No birds want me... I can't get a shag

Me: it's ok British Incel.

[spiteslucanis]

films i've rated 5 stars [2/∞] ⇢ the nice guys (2016)

I work in a cesspool. Sex. More sex. My wife, she used to say I make a living off rumpy-pumpy. Whatever. She was English. I don't know what the fuck it means either.

[wishingonjellyfish]

♡ Soaking with Sevika ♡

synopsis: you and sevika just got done doing the rumpy pumpy and take a bubble bath together

A/N: hehehehhe ;)

Sevika gently sets you on the counter before turning around and turning the tub faucet on.

Sevika tries to avoid looking at your body, wanting to get the bath started first.

She doesn’t trust herself not to get distracted by you.

She can still see and feel you on her fingers. She pushes those thoughts out of her mind.

You sit quietly on the counter, eyes fixed on Sevika as the tub slowly fills with water.

Sevika notices you staring at her and glances back, her eyes roaming over your body.

“You look incredible sitting there, waiting for me,” she says, her voice low.

A slight shiver runs through her as she struggles to keep her focus on the task at hand.

“Almost ready,” she adds, turning back toward the tub, trying to hold herself together.

“Okay,” you mumble, more to yourself than to her, absentmindedly swinging your feet back and forth over the edge of the counter.

Sevika glances at you, then toward the tub, and says, “The tub is full.”

Sevika reaches down carefully, testing the water with her good hand, making sure it’s just the right temperature—warm enough to soothe, but not hot enough to burn.

You shift slightly on the counter; the cool air contrasts with the warmth radiating from the tub.

There’s a quiet tension in the space between the two of you. “I’ll help you in,” Sevika says softly, stepping closer with a hand outstretched.

Her fingers brush lightly against your arm, sending a small shiver through both of you.

She clears her throat, trying to steady her voice. “Careful, the edge is slippery.”

As you carefully slide off the counter and lower yourself into the bath, the warm water laps around your skin.

Sevika looks at you. “You alright, love? Comfortable?” she asks.

“I’d be more comfortable with you in here,” you grin, wiggling your eyebrows suggestively.

Sevika can’t stop herself from laughing, her eyes rolling with playful amusement.

“Please,” you beg, looking up at her with puppy dog eyes.

She nearly bursts out laughing at your puppy eyes—the cutest, goofiest expression. She can’t believe how much power you hold over her with just one look.

“Alright, love, I’ll get in with you—just give me a second.”

You quietly let out a heartfelt “Yay,” mostly cheering just for yourself.

Sevika laughs softly at your excitement—seeing you so happy is absolutely adorable, she thinks.

Sevika moves to undress her lower half; her upper half is already bare.

Her gaze never leaves you, her breathing shallow.

You watch her undress, your eyes locked with hers the entire time, your mood shifting from playful to intense desire.

Sevika feels your gaze burning on her, her body still sensitive from earlier, her mind craving you. She tries to hold herself back, but the way you’re looking at her makes her feel almost feral.

The room feels smaller now—more intimate. The scent of lavender and sage from the bath salts fills the air, mingling with the faint sound of water dripping from the faucet.

Sevika finally lets out a shaky breath.

“You’re… perfect,” she admits, voice barely above a whisper. When your eyes meet hers, the silence between you speaks louder than any words ever could.

Sevika slowly steps into the tub, the warm water swirling around her legs before she lowers herself completely beside you, her prosthetic arm resting outside the tub on a folded towel.

The heat wraps around you both, dissolving the lingering tension. Beneath the surface of the water, her hand finds yours—fingertips brushing gently—a quiet promise exchanged without words.

She leans in just a little, the steam curling around her face, making her look even more ethereal.

“I’ve missed this,” she confesses, voice husky. “Missed being close to you like this, where nothing else matters.”

You shift closer, the water lapping gently against your skin as you wrap an arm around her waist.

Her breath catches, and she presses her cheek to your shoulder, the warmth of her skin grounding you.

Sevika’s fingers trace lazy circles along your arm, sending sparks up your spine.

“I still think it’s ridiculous,” she mutters, cracking one eye open. “Me. Bubble baths.”

You smirk, scooping up a palmful of bubbles and flicking them toward her. “Oh please,” you say.

“You’ve threatened people for less. Don’t act like you’re not enjoying it.”

Sevika lets out a low huff—not quite a laugh—and sinks deeper into the water, letting it rise to kiss her collarbones.

“Maybe I am. But if you tell anyone…”

You lean over with a grin, brushing damp strands of her hair behind her ear.

“I won’t. Promise.”

For a while, silence stretches comfortably between you.

Just the occasional drip of water, the quiet hiss of cooling steam.

Her eyes flick to yours—sharp, searching, but with a gentleness few ever get to see.

“You calm me down,” she says simply.

You reach out, your fingers brushing hers under the water.

“And you make me feel safe.”

Sevika doesn’t say anything at first, just watches your fingers intertwine with hers beneath the surface, her thumb brushing soft circles against your skin.

Her lips part slightly, as though she wants to say more but doesn’t trust her voice.

Eventually, she leans her head back against the tub’s edge, closing her eyes.

“You know… I never thought I’d have this. Peace. Someone to come home to.”

You shift a little closer, your leg brushing gently against hers.

“You deserve it,” you say quietly. “More than you know.”

Her eyes open slowly, turning toward you—something raw and vulnerable flickering just beneath the surface.

“Sometimes I think I’m just waiting for it all to fall apart,” she murmurs. “For someone to take it away.”

You give a firm shake of your head.

“Then we fight for it—together.”

Sevika’s jaw tenses slightly, emotion thick in her throat. She turns toward you more fully, her wet fingers reaching to cradle your cheek.

“Damn it,” she whispers, voice rough. “You’re going to ruin me.”

You lean into her touch, your gaze gentle yet unwavering.

“Then I’ll handle every broken piece with care.”

For a moment, all she can do is look at you, her thumb gently brushing over your cheekbone.

Then, without warning, she leans in and kisses you—not rough or hurried like before, but slow, reverent.

Like she’s memorizing the shape of you, the feel of you, for a world where maybe this doesn’t last—but here, now, it does.

The water sloshes gently as your bodies press closer, the kiss deepening with each breath.

The heat between you grows—not just from the bath, but from every whispered promise, every soft sigh exchanged between lips and hands.

When she finally draws away, Sevika presses her forehead against yours.

“You’re my peace,” she murmurs. “And my fire.”

You smile softly against her lips.

“Then we’ll burn quietly, side by side.”

She chuckles, low and warm in her chest.

“Quiet’s never really been our thing.”

“No,” you admit. “But it’s nice… once in a while.”

She nods slowly, pulling you gently into her arms, your back pressed to her chest as she settles behind you.

Her chin tucks against your shoulder, her breath steady and slow.

For the first time in a long time, the world outside doesn’t matter. It’s just you. Her. And the warmth that wraps around you both—body and soul.

[bludpudding]

hate scripting smut when one of the characters is british. don’t ever call it ‘rumpy pumpy’ again.

[telomeke]

ONLY FRIENDS SEASON 2

I just watched the trailer for Only Friends Season 2 (Only Friends: Dream On) and I am afraid. 😳

I do profess to be a fan of all the actors (especially Ohm! Joss! Gawin! and Earth! 😍) but the show looks to be veering dangerously toward melodrama for the sake of melodrama (like Only Friends S1 did).

And if there's anything that its predecessor season showed us, it's that no amount of male beauty and simulated sex can ever distract us enough to make up for a lack of substance underlying the onscreen histrionics. (Not that the rumpy-pumpy on display could ever be anything more than the titter-titter chuckle-chuckle variety, simply because it's GMMTV and not Be On Cloud. 🤣)

Pity, because I'm quite taken what must be Joss Way-Ar's most underrated talent so far: filling out a pair of loose cotton boxers so well they look like tight briefs instead. 😛😂

The actors will probably have fun filming this, if the suggested lack of directorial restraint is anything to go by! But I'm not holding out much hope that it'll be the same for the rest of us BL-watchers though. 😔

‌

[loveislandthegame]

thoughts on todays volume ! remember how i said bringing back jace after he’s been gone for one singular day would be ridiculous, even for FB’s standards ?😭 well here he comes, dressed like he just came off of a yacht. at least esme won’t get dumped 🫶🏽

of course kane picks mc ! (not like he had a choice, but he’s still my babygirl)

next up is rumpy pumpy ! it’s silly but whatever, at least FB is actually using challenges from the show. (side note, i think physical challenges like these are better to read nowadays because of how MC hasn’t had any sort of internal monologue since the AI takeover. does that make sense ?) obviously, we won. i figure that it’s impossible to lose for the sake of MC/LI going on the date with esme/jace, but i was surprised i got the 2nd question correct lol (42% ??? for real ???😭) the double date & diamond scene were very sweet ❤️

zabrina coming for MC is one thing, but arguing with ruby ? she better sleep with one eye open

“bombshell beer-less pong” 😭 my poor MC is gonna need a proper drink to deal with these childish islanders. of course some drama is fun, makes it more realistic, etc, but the whole thing with zabrina/ren is just pointless. this absolute goober brought it on himself for choosing her when he was already upset about her kissing callum

that dressing room diamond scene with ruby tho 😳 if you ever heard that “what is it finna play …WOAHHHH” audio, that was my exact reaction 😭

me—a piano player that is constantly fumbling—reading this: 😭😭😭

afterwards MC and zabrina are sent to hell a sleepover villa. ngl my initial reaction was “now wtf is a sleepover villa ??” but this seems to be based on the bombshell sleepover twist that has been in the show (funnily enough, i think the current all stars had some weird hideaway bombshell double date sleepover, i haven’t been keeping up with it though)

anyways, we meet the bombshells, harvey and tunde. i think that tunde is one of the most adorable guys, at least in the “churning out seasons with a month long break” era of LITG sprites. harvey is certainly an islander

we play never have i ever, just reading that made me miss season 1 💔 my MC was giving teetotal because i didn’t select a single drink option (especially not to dance for them, tf 😭) until she randomly decides to drink for “never have i ever blocked someone 🤓” i assume the someone in question is dominic. i think FB needs to make up their mind with his backstory. is he not just some stranger who stole our job opportunity ? you would think he’s our ex with the way everyone is acting

this isn’t giving sexy getaway. MC could have a billboard that says “not interested” strapped to her head, with 10 neon arrow lights pointing directly at it, and these lads still wouldn’t take the hint. at least we have the choice to sleep alone later on

eventually we are presented with a choice between the two of them. unfortunately there isn’t a “neither” or “hop off the terrace and sprint back to the villa” option. whatevs, i picked tunde. honestly i was thinking that they should just couple up with each other, but i assume FB was trying to go for that “competing for MC” tension, rather than romantic tension (speaking of missing season 1, please give us bi/pan men 😭🙏🏽)

harvey, babes…considering the current size of your head, that may be beneficial 😭

when it comes down to choosing which boy to bring to the villa, i picked neither (i would’ve picked tunde but i didn’t want to deal with “MC picked this guy !!” drama later, however, i think that’ll be inevitable) so zabrina ends up choosing tunde. i assume she always picks the guy you said you’re interested in, probably for some cheap drama later (i can practically envision it. some bullshit like “i wasn’t interested in either of those guys, MC BEGGED me to bring tunde 🤥🤥🤥”)

i know the game is trying to make us think that our LI cheated on us, i’ve played too many seasons to be fooled, swayed, and upset by FB’s “another woman is trying to steal your man” antics.

what i am mad about, is that it’s so unfair we had to be sent off to the world’s shittiest sleepover while the villa had vida, this BEAUTIFUL woman 😭 an absolute 100/10, and she’s definitely gonna be some half-assed delusional rival instead of a LI ! i’m SICK !!!

overall, the energy of that sleepover was too foul for me to say i “enjoyed” this volume, but excluding that it was alright. esme is a sweetie and i hope she doesn’t end up doing a random 180 in her personality (if FB is using more elements from the show, you’d think that they would want to create an actual friend group to capitalize off the success of PPG in love island USA. but they’re lazy misogynists so…)

i wonder if jace will end up being a LI, i can’t really imagine it right now but i’m sure FB has some catastrophic event up their sleeve. my unpopular opinion is that i’m fine with unromanceable male islanders, as long as the game makes it clear at the beginning, like with season 3 (even though i’m still heartbroken over seb & nicky 💔😭) we desperately need islanders that have a personality outside of being a cardboard cutout that’s obsessed with MC (or the equally obnoxious inverse, the trope of guys like season 6 hamish, liam, and dean being horrible to MC for literally no reason)

i wish vida was an LI, but based on previous seasons, what will actually happen is probably more along the lines of “poorly written rival is convinced that LI is in love with her, & makes it her life’s goal to attack MC at every given opportunity. LI is too spineless kind to outright reject the rival, so players believe he is turning his head even though this exact storyline has happened for 5 seasons straight” 🫠

[sunshine-soprano]

having some Thoughts about the captain and julian. specifically the fact that they have the same cause of death and yet their deaths were so different. julian probably had no idea he was dying since he was so caught up in what he was doing, and the fear and confusion only hit him once he was dead (as we saw in his flashback). contrasted with those agonising moments of the captain dying in pain, he has always been so conscious of his physical health that he was probably fully aware of what was happening to him and that there was nothing he could do to save himself. julian died in the privacy of a bedroom, presumably in a bed (although who knows for sure), in the middle of a conference for a political party he seemed to have completely fit in with, the captain died on the floor surrounded by a roomful of people who had been judging him moments before and were probably still judging him then - a group of people to whom he never truly belonged. do you think the captain is jealous of julian, that he resents the fact that julian is so blasé about what he was doing when he died (“a bit of rumpy pumpy and then off”, “going out with a bang”), and even that it was possible to do what he was doing when he died, when the captain couldn’t even hold havers’ hands, he had to take hold of havers’ swagger stick instead as he lay dying because doing any more than that would’ve put havers in danger?

and yet.

and yet pat mentioning that he didn’t get to be with the people he loved when he died is pretty significant. because neither did julian. i doubt that what he had going on with his secretary was any more than an affair with a problematic power dynamic, let alone love. he didn’t get to die with margot and rachel beside him just as pat didn’t get to die with carol and daley beside him. but the captain died with havers beside him. he may not have been able to tell havers he loved him, but havers knew, and i’d like to believe that those feelings were reciprocated (and that the captain knew that he was loved too).

idk where i’m going with this but just Thoughts i guess

[miss-celestia13]

For Fun! Scottish Smut 😌

I wrote this ages ago as a joke for my friends, a smut scene written in Scottish slang! After all, all Scottish people are bilingual 🤣 I just discovered it in my notes as I was cleaning them out and thought I’d share it here for the laugh. I hope it makes you chuckle because it won’t set your knickers on fire 😂

Without further ado;

Jimmy and Senga’s mad night oot!

Words: 585

What some words mean:

Swalleys - swallows

Boattle - Bottle

Stoatin - stumbling

Spunked - Cummed

Tadger - Cock

Pump - Fuck/Sex/shag - rumpy-pumpy means the same thing!

Fanny - Cunt

Bean - Clit

I just had a full body cringe typing that last one, so you can figure the rest out or ask me if you get confused🤣

They wur passin the boattle ae Bucky between thum. Takin huge swalleys as they walked hame fae the pub. Stoatin’ aboot like a clumsy gazelle oan her primark special high heels, Senga wiz clingin’ tae Jimmys arm while he grabbed hur arse, and whispered sweet nuttins in hur ear.

“Jist you wait tae we git hame, doll. I’m gonnae pump you rotten.”

He always kent jist whit to say to make her knickers wet. No that she wiz wearing any. He’d gied her a gid wee finger poking in the pub loo’s jist afore they wur kicked oot for arguin way the barman when he widnae serve thum anymare vodka ridbulls. She’d loast thum somewhere ‘atween the mens loos and the bar. Stumblin upti the frunt door, Jimmy drapped hur keys twice afore he managed tae unlock it and dragged hur in.

He hud hur shoved against the door afore she kent what wiz happenin. Jimmy gied hur the sloppiest kiss ar hur life, tastin like drink, and regret as he forced his tongue doon hur throat. The hawf empty boattle ae Buckfast clattured tae the flair as he shoved a haund up her skurt and poked aboot until he foond her bean and gied it a wee flick so she jumped.

“Cannae wait any longer, doll.” He said, breath soaked in Bucky.

“Dinnae then, i wanted yeh tae shag me back at the pub.” She replied as he hiked hur skurt oer hur hips and pulled his hard tadger oot ae his best trackie bottoms.

She wiz soon oan hur knees in the hallway, Jimmy grabbed haud ae hur hips afore he pushed inside her wet fanny, sayin’ filthy hings as she shouted in surprise.

“Yer jist a wee durty. Ye’ll no be able tae walk the morra.”

Usually, when it came tae the auld rumpy-pumpy, Jimmy wiz a two-pump-chump in bed, bit when he hud a drink in him, he lasted at least ten and she’d only coonted two so far.

“Shut yer moof and dae it then.” She said and yelped when he smacked her arse and thrust harder.

Jimmy laughed as she pushed back tae make him go fastur and called him a useless basturt when he slowed right doon insteid.

“Calm doon wuman, a ken whit am dain!”

He did and he didnae. She’d coonted seven thrusts noo, and kent he didnae hae much left in him, so she took maetturs intae hur ain haunds and balanced oan wan elbay so she could fiddle wae hur bean. Jimmy was gruntin and groanin, sweaty haunds slidin oer hur arse as he loast all sense ae rhythm. A flew flicks and she wiz almost there, fingurs moving so quick as Jimmy pounded intae her fanny once, twice, and she felt her fanny flutter aroond his tadger jist afore he spunked in her.

There wiznae fireworks or stars when she came. No wae Jimmy, bit it felt gid and her boady wiz fizzing fae the drink and orgasm. Jimmy fell oan tap ae hur and crushed her intae the carpet. She wiznae comfy, but couldnae be arsed movin noo. And so Jimmy and Sengas mad night oot ended wae them both passed oot in hur hallway. Senga couldnae mind if he’d locked the door. Ah well, any cunt that tried to burgul thum wid be in fur a shoack when they foond thum bare arsed and covered in spunk. The thoat sent hur tae sleep wae a grin oan her face.

……………*

Oh, fuck me gently 🤣 I forgot how bad it is and I’m crying laughing that I’m posting it here 😂 hope it made you giggle or smile, at the least 🤭❤️

[carlos-in-glasses]

8, 9, and 20!

Neha! Thank you!!!

8: Who goes to bed first? Falls asleep first?

Carlos goes to bed first - and I think I think this because he asked TK to go to bed in 2x12 - and yes it was for rumpy pumpy, but think he coaxes TK to bed for sleep too. Or, indeed, backrubs! I think Carlos struggles to fall alseep, but once he drifts off, he's typically a deep sleeper. TK falls alseep pretty quickly but struggles to stay asleep/ is a lighter sleeper, hence eating at 2am sometimes! Or waking up sometime before 3:18am because he needs to propose!

9: Who is more likely to take longer to get ready in the morning?

Carlos. Generally, I think TK can put outfits together quite quickly and feels confident in them, but Carlos can feel a bit unsure about his choices. He struggles to choose between button-up shirts. He also does more to style his hair on work days.

20: Who does the grocery shopping the most?

Carlos. He finds it a soothing activity and likes to go at typically quiet times and pad around the aisles. He loves cooking and thinking about the process and ingredients, so it's an errand he's happy to run! But his favourite is when they shop together!

[mollyannice]

I want to use the sentence “oh go rumpy-pumpy yourself, Batman!” But I can’t think of a character in dc that I can see saying this

[amuseoffyre]

Thinking about the "you dumped him"/"he dumped you"/"we were on a break" and realising this is probably while Stede is chasing Ed around the Caribbean so both things are true.

Stede dumped him - the beach

He dumped Stede - after the initial reunion and rumpy-pumpy I am manifesting (after the headbutt scene)

"we were on a break" - Stede is being positive that they'll get back together

Olu is warning Stede against going after him, because "you dumped him" as Stede begins his campaign of Random Meetcutes In the Caribbean

[myreallovelymind]

If you get together with the couple again for a bit of rumpy pumpy, would you feel comfortable with licking/being licked by her? It's the logical next step from the sounds of it from your previous session with them.

Also rimming, yes or no generally?

I should be seeing them again now that they are back from holiday! Absolutely want to be with a woman fully!

It’s something I wanted the first time but she was reserved about it (I think maybe because she wasn’t sure I liked her because I was a nervous wreck and hot woman are scared 👉👈)

But she said next time, we do more than just kissing and fondling! And I’m actually grateful it was baby steps for me!

Rimming yes! Though I would have to know they were ready for it clean wise.

[tail-blazer]

U pumpy rumpy 🥵😫 Fööööq

And here I was wondering why I muted my Asks.