#sa mention cw

[dailyfigures]

hey guys just a little heads up if you rb my posts with long detailed rape and gore fantasies about minors in the tags you will be getting blocked and also i hope you explode. just so you guys know

[feydfuckernation]

so i finally got around to watching poor things last night and i couldn't stop thinking about how much it resonated with me as a csa survivor. i know there were a lot of people who were critical of the film and how it took advantage of bella's sexuality because she wasn't in a position to consent to it, and that's okay! art is meant to be looked at and discussed and even criticized! but for me and me alone i looked at her and her journey as a woman working to reclaim herself from the very people who tried to take the very notion of her self away. the more bella learned about the world and grew into her own person and her own ideas and how she began to reject the abuse she suffered at the hands of men like duncan and alfie and was instead drawn to the love and warmth she felt from people like max and toinette, how quickly she was labeled both a whore and a cunt and how her worth was only ever defined by the men who abused her, and yet it never stopped her from being herself, from pursuing who she was, what she wanted, how she felt. this movie was gorgeous, artistic, and entirely unapologetic in its weirdness and its satire, but at the heart of it was something so beautiful and personal and philosophical that i think it will always be a favourite of mine.

[txttletale]

i've just read scp-1168 and i have no idea what its point is or what its trying to say, i feel like im missing a reference to something. can you give me some pointer s?

it is a direct response to scp-1800 both in and out of universe--the fundamental critique is that the 'early era' of the scp foundation which gets mythologised on the site quite often as an idyllic and carefree utopia of unbridled creativity was also just like shockingly blasé and blithe about deploying sexual assault as a plot point in quite frankly uninteresting and misognistic ways

[hiro-doodlez]

Average vocaloid experience

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

so i've been writing up a lot of sdmi meta lately, sometimes pretty scathingly and sometimes with a lot of praise, and man it is a real whiplash to go from 'sdmi did a fantastic job showing how a marginalized person--a villain, even--being body-shamed even one time is Fucked, and a major signal that the person who does it is abusive and about to do him serious harm,' to

'so people in the show constantly make unnecessary, derogatory, degrading comments about the abuser's body. he is an extremely marginalized person who has been dehumanized from birth for having that body, up to and including being considered legal property; he has been tortured in a pressure cooker of abuse targeted at his minority status for a quarter of his life. this is Quirky and Witty and Whimsical, no one has a problem with it, and we are going to just skate right on by that without ever even acknowledging that he's oppressed. moving along now'

like, in pericky's case it's interesting to explore how ricky does say some genuinely extremely shitty, bigoted things to pericles that are presumably part of why he snaps and hits him, but he's doing that in the context of being abused, and pericles is reacting to it in the context of abusing him. ricky's not a great person and does not spend his time around great people, but he's trying to stand up for himself with the verbal and emotional vocabulary he has available. the person he's trying to draw on for the strength and the beliefs to do that with--the language to do that with--is his only real example of someone in pericles' life who has never, ever bowed to him.

......aaaaaaaand she's super fucking racist. and is the one who makes the bulk of the body-shaming comments about pericles in the show. so no wonder ricky turned around and incorporated that into trying to imitate her.

but see, she also has a reason to be racist/ableist to pericles: he preyed on and traumatized her and the people she loved, and ruined all their lives (and tbh, my personal read is that he was probably pretty emotionally abusive to her when she was a teenager). like, sure, that's a lot less of an immediate reason not to take someone to task over being shitty about their abuser than Currently Being Abused the way ricky is. cassidy's a grown adult who's had two decades of distance from him to heal, and has had plenty of opportunity in the meantime to unpack that hey! your abuser was one (1) shitty person from this extremely vulnerable demographic of people who have otherwise never done jack shit to you! maybe don't do things like call them 'it' and threaten to put them down because you're mad at that one guy! just a thought.

but still, she had a reason, right? right.

and when marcie uses the fact that he's much smaller and weaker than her to grab him and threaten to break his neck; tortures him in a way that can only be done to him because of the kind of body that he has; and intentionally calls him the wrong species to compare him to a nonsapient animal, with the connotation of preparing him to be cooked and eaten ('one wrong move and i pluck this ugly little chicken').... well shit, dude, you can't exactly hold that against her under the circumstances, can you? just, like, gestures at EVERYTHING that's happened, including the fact that he'd just spent god knows how long torturing her by keeping her trapped in a box, and she's a teenage girl who's doing this to hold the line with the knowledge that she's about to die violently. which she does. at pericles' orders. like, jesus, that's not exactly a situation to lecture someone about Problematic Language.

after all: she had a reason. right?

right.

this is something i see over and over, especially in sci-fi/fantasy settings where it's easy for the writers to make up their own social contexts, exaggerate Bad Things to the extreme, or both.

on the one side of this equation you have the hatebait: a minority character who's written to be Super Evil and Monstrous and Hateable, who says slurs and kicks babies into traffic and often as not is a sexual predator--the worst of the worst, and you'd never defend someone like that, would you? they deserve any bad thing that happens to them, don't they? anything they say they don't like about their situation (god forbid want to change) must just be an excuse, a sob story, maybe outright hypocritical given how they treat other people, right?

awesome, glad we've got that out of the way. now we can move on to the part where you cheer for brutal violence targeted at that minority, or at least go 'well, that's rough i guess, but they're a Really Bad Guy, so....'

(one of my least favorite examples of this ever is the trope where the villain in their True Form(tm) is physically small, weak, disabled, and/or Really Really Old, and when they're defeated they're stripped down to that state to hurt/humiliate/imprison/kill them. and/or watch horrific things happen to their body as a direct result of being removed from the source of their size/youth/power/basic fucking life support. it is DEEPLY distressing and i hate it so much.)

it is really fucking upsetting how well this works. i tend to get really invested in characters like this.

so we have our object of 'justified' bigotry, hatred, and violence. but then you have the other half of the equation:

the person who Always Has a Reason.

there's been a lot said about the appeal of bodice-ripper fantasies: they're popular in large part because in a sex-negative society women are shamed for their sexuality and for wanting sex, and there's catharsis for some people in stories about being Allowed to cut loose and enjoy it because you had no choice in the matter. nobody can blame you for that, right?

(in real life they can and will, because society is shit about survivors and hates us. but that's real life; this is the safety of your own fantasy to work things through, with no voices spouting bullshit at you except the ones you're allowing to talk for the express purpose of telling them to shut up.)

so there's that. and somewhere there is an excellent post about SPN, and similarly full-of-whump shows marketed to the same demographic of men, being maybe the same thing for those men in a different way: if Every Possible Terrible Gutwrenching Devastating Loss and Trauma and Torture happens to you, then surely it won't make you any less of a man if you cry and break down, show weakness and pain. nobody can blame you for that, right?

(i don't know where that post went. if anyone has the link to pass on i'll add it here, because it is a Really Good Post and worth reading.)

all well and good so far. understandable.

and then you get to the person who Always Has a Reason. and what they Always Have a Reason for is bigotry, hatred, and violence toward minorities. or representations of real-life minorities with a hasty oppression-swap fantasy AU slapped on.

they oppressed the character's people. they tortured them. they murdered their family. they genocided their planet. they're abusing them. they raped them. they ruined their life. maybe the character is a kid who's young and in over their head and going through enough shit already, and can't really be held up to the standards of an adult who's not currently experiencing War Crimes.

you wouldn't begrudge them defending themself, right? you wouldn't begrudge them hating their tormentors and lashing out at them when they get the chance, and savoring it when they land a blow (no matter how low)? you wouldn't expect them to be a hundred percent progressive and politically correct and careful of their language in the face of that?

nobody could blame them for that, right? right.

right.

(funnily enough: it doesn't go the other way. the minority hatebait is always a hundred percent responsible for any shitty thing they do in retaliation for what they're subjected to, or attempt they make to stop it. often as not, their actions mean that whatever injustice they were yammering about should be dismissed for everyone suffering under it, because this guy used it as an Excuse and that's why you can't have nice things (basic rights).)

anyway, yeah, this is. a Thing and i see it a Lot. and it does really chap me how extreme and totally unaddressed it is in sdmi, because if you don't let the framing get away with hatebait and Always Having a Reason, then pericles makes for a really really complex and compelling exploration of someone who's been dealt a shit hand and suffered terribly also happening to be the miserable, hateful old cunt who wrecked generations of your family because they desperately needed help and didn't get it.

[artigas]

Loved your thoughts on Saltburn! Out of curiosity, did you enjoy Promising Young Woman? In comparrison to Saltburn, it seems like way more people enjoyed that movie

At the risk of yucking anyone's yum, I did not like Promising Young Woman. Absolutely nobody has to agree with me here, but I personally find Emerald Fennel to be one of the last women I want to get my political and social criticism from; at the risk of making a very insensitive comparison, I felt about PYW the way I feel about Barbie: for some audiences, these movies represent the most cutting-edge political criticism they may have ever encountered. I think there's intrinsic value to that. I think that all progress towards a healthier and more conscientious ethical framework is a good thing and if a twelve year old in Iowa watches Barbie and that gives them their first taste of feminism or gender critique, then god bless. if somebody watched Promising Young Woman and that lit a real fire in them against rape culture, that is a valuable thing.

that said, it did nothing for me. I'm a survivor of sexual assault myself, so I empathize deeply with the subject matter. I also strongly believe that we ought to tell and share stories and art that addresses rape culture. but i didn't enjoy the movie as a work of art and it did nothing for me on a profound level. that's probably partly on me. that's probably also partly rooted in the fact that fictional critiques of rape culture that exclusively (or nearly exclusively) center white people appeal very little to me.

again, just take this all with a grain of salt and I hope I have not offended - I know this is sensitive subject matter, so please know i mean no harm. thanks for asking for my opinion!

[angldsts]

I WANNA EVENTUALLY ELABORATE MORE on this since it's late now and i don't think i'll be able to get all of my thoughts down , but my angel doesn't always act incredibly flirty / touchy / etc . whilst hypersexuality is definitely a part of angel's natural response to trauma ( and especially sex - related trauma ) , it's not how he reacts all of the time .

my angel tends to flip - flop between periods of hypersexuality and periods of aggression / not wanting to be touched or interfered with at all . i think one of the last scenes in the addict mv is a pretty good example of this : he jumps when charlie reaches out to touch his shoulder and sneers at her . in his line of work , angel has to deal with being touched near constantly , and sexualised at almost every opportunity . whilst hypersexuality and a high sex drive is partially a trauma response fuelling him to take control of his own body back , outside of work he has the tendency to avoid any unexpected or lingering touches at all , especially those that could be perceived as domineering or threatening .

touches on areas such as the wrists or neck are generally no - nos , and angel also doesn't enjoy people intruding uninvited on his private space ( especially so if he's just come home after work ) . whilst he is fine being around other residents of the hotel , there are certain scenarios that angel finds a tad bit difficult : being with one other person in a limo , for example , makes him incredibly wary of their intentions . being touched in any way and having to watch it in a mirror or other form of watching freaks him out . being restrained in any way when he hasn't explicitly given the okay will get you snapped at and bitten if your hands are within reach .

the only person who he permits in his space or touching him without prior permission even on his worst days is cherri , and that's solely because she is the person he trusts implicitly , and i like to think that after seeing angel through so much , it's likely that cherri understands how to navigate these times .

[pyreshe]

one day I will write out my lil arthuriana thing where m.erlin raises a.rthur and loves him like a son but he still loses him and is more or less doomed to an agonizingly long life where he is constantly reminded that he failed his boy and is looking for a reincarnation he can't even be sure will ever come,,

[iomadachd]

What is some new oc lore you haven’t talked about- any of them, lay it on me

For Munday, anonymously ask the mun something you want to know about them, their portrayal, or what they will/won’t write. (accepting)

Oh gosh, there are so many things I could talk about.

Uh... let's see. I've mentioned that Leila loves sour candy, but it's really an obsession. The more sour, the better and she'll seek out the most sour things to test her limits on what she tolerates. If her mouth doesn't pucker, it's not sour enough. She loves lemon and lime flavored things as well for just this reason. She even enjoys salted plums because it's sour, but it's complex at the same time.

She's likely got a 'half-sibling' or two out there because I don't think she was the only time her demon father attempted to create an antichrist. Whether it was successful or not is hard to say.

In an all-human AU I used to write for her, she had a lot of half-siblings due to her sperm donor being a serial r*****. He's an entitled fucker who used his charm and good looks to take advantage of religious shame in the Bible Belt before moving on to the next con. It became a matter of having a child out of wedlock or having an abortion and both were pretty shameful.

[firstcurse]

Eleven and Henry Lab scenes analysis / headcanons.

So  this  is  a  repost  of  an  analysis  I  wrote  quite  a  while  back  on  the  scenes  of  Henry  and  Eleven  in  the  lab  since  the  current  fanon  take  on  that  is  that  Henry  tricked  and  manipulated  Eleven  into  removing  the  chip  from  his  neck  so  he  could  commit  the  massacre.  Which  I  personally  will  always  find  strange  because  the  canon  shows  something  completely  different  in  my  opinion  in  regards  to  what  Henry's  "intentions"  with  helping  Eleven  actually  were.  My  response  was  to  an  Anon  I  got  about  the  subject.  

AS  A  NOTE  and  as  TW  for  SA  /  reproductive  abuse  /  child  abuse  etc  because  we  were  also  discussing  the  concept  of  Henry  possibly  being  Eleven's  biological  father  amidst  this.  Although  my  personal  take  on  it  will  always  be  that  I  don't  believe  Henry  had  "relations"  with  Terry,  if  Henry  is  Eleven's  actual  father  it  was  artificial  insemination  on  the  behalf  of  the  lab  against  the  knowledge  of  both  Terry  and  Henry  which  is  why  Henry  is  oblivious  and  Terry  assumes  her  boyfriend  who  had  left  to  fight  in  the  Vietnam  war  was  the  father.  

That  would  not  surprise  me  honestly.  It  wouldn’t  be  something  I’d  put  past  the  canon.  Its  very  skin-crawlie  honestly  but  I  think  people  are  getting  "bad  vibes"  from  the  lab  and  the  possible  experiments  there  for  a  reason, like there was def a lot of rights violating going on with the lab  and  I  just  don't  think  that  anything  like  that  would  be  outside  of  the  canon  surrounding  the  Lab  and  Brenner's  associates.  Particularly  because  Henry  implies  that  a  lot  of  the  people  work  at  the  lab  for  bad  reasons.  

There  is  a  heavy  suggestion  they're  present  /  former  criminals  or  people  with  bad  things  in  their  pasts  that  are  being  exploited.  And  that  would  make  sense  given  it  would  take  a  "special"  kind  of  person  to  work  at  the  lab, not  to  mention  the  scientists  obviously  have  to  be  the  type  to  view  the  subjects  as  subhuman  in  order  to  treat  them  in  any  type  of  way,  the  lab  would  be  a  playground  for  psychopathic  personalities  and  we  know  Brenner  was  pretty  fitting  to  that, and we also know MK Ultra was the basis of this and we know where MK Ultra was hijacked from,  which  is  why  thats  my  headcanon  on  that.

( Note,  I  also  just  want  to  say  I  personally  do  not  HC  that  Brenner  assaulted  terry  personally  but  he  obviously  had  no  problem  using  her  for  his  experiments  and  then  discarding  her  after  literally  stealing  her  new  born  daughter  fresh  out  of  her  womb  so  you  know. I  may  not  HC  Brenner  as  a  r*pist  in  the  personal  sense,  but  he  def  seems  to  think  science  comes  before  human  lives  and  rights,  and  will  use,  exploit  and  abuse  human  bodies  and  minds  however  he  sees  fit  and  i  cant  /  wont  deny  canon  with  that. The  worst  part  is  he's  absolutely  the  type  who  is  out  here  thinking  hes  the  one  making  the  "difficult  choices"  and  the  "sacrifices"  for  science  /  the  greater  good,  like  bruh.  Fuckin'  Shou  Tucker  ass  man  this  one. )

But  anyway,  I   think  what  makes  it  most   believable  to  me  is  Eleven’s  powers.  Like,  as  far  as  canon  goes  it  seems  Eleven’s  powers  are  “explained”  by  Terry’s  participation  in  the  experimentation  from  Brenner - but  since  Eleven’s  powers  seem  to  be  so  much  stronger  and  I  suppose  "more  natural"  than  some  of  the  other  subjects  it  would  also  make  sense  if  they  weren't  actually  “artificially”  induced  as  is  apparently  the  case  with  a  lot  of  the  other  subjects.  Like  there  is  no  reason  for  Eleven’s  potential  to  have  been  so  great,  "equal"  to Henry’s,  if  they  were  artificially  induced  just  like  what  seems  to  be  the  case  with  the  other  subjects  who  were  very  much  shown  as  “inferior”  to  Henry  and  Eleven  power / potential  wise.  She  wouldn’t  be  a  stand-out  as  she  was,  or  thats  how  it  feels  anyway.  It  feels  like  there  should  be  a  “reason”  for  why  Henry  and Eleven  stand  apart  from  the  others. 

As  for  Henry,  I’m  not  sure  I  understand  father-ness  the  same  way  as  others  if  that's  the  case.  A  father  can  be  a  lot  of  things  and to  be  fair  if  we  define  a  father  as  an  older  person  who  teaches,  protects  and  cares  about  someone  else  then  Henry  actually  did  hit  those  marks  to  me.  He  wouldn’t  have  known  it  and  I  don’t  think  Eleven  ever  actually  being  his  daughter  crossed  his  mind  once,  but  he  did  empathize  with  her  deeply  as  a  child  who  he  could  see  himself  in  more  than  many  others.  I  guess  it  really  comes  down  to  whether  or  not  you  believe  Henry  was  just  trying  to  manipulate  her.  I  personally  don’t  believe  he  was  and  as  far  as  canon  goes,  I  think  it  makes  more  sense  that  he  wasn’t  -  or  at  least  his  moments  of  manipulation  were  not  as  self  serving  as  people  think.

 I  think  there's  a  lot  of  evidence  for  this  but  particularly  here  are  some  key  moments  for  me:  when  we  see  Henry  is  “punished”  for  stepping  in  and  trying  to  help  Eleven,  Henry’s  reaction  to  the  punishment  of  Two,  Henry’s  reaction  to  Eleven  offering  to  help  him  in  return  and  the  scenes  with  Eleven  and  Brenner  in  “Papa.”   Like,  for  me,  there  had  to  be  a  trigger  for  Henry  suddenly  escalating  in  his  efforts  to  help  Eleven.  If  you  think  about  it  he’s  been  there  for  twenty  years,  he’s  presumably  had  casual  contact  with  Eleven  for  about  nine  of  them  ( her  whole  life )  and  while  he  might  have  always  felt  a  sense  of  kinship  with  her  he  only  started  going  out  of  his  way  to  help  her  to  the  point  of  risking  his  own  safety  at  a  specific  point  in  time.  Henry  claims  the  trigger  was  that  he  over-heard  Brenner  and  his  associates  planning  to  “allow”  the  other  children  to  attack  Eleven  and  potentially  kill  her.  Whether  this  was  because  Brenner  saw  potential  in  Eleven  during  their  1  on  1  sessions  or  because  he  thought  she  was  falling  behind  isn’t  clear,  it  could  have  been  either.  But  we  see  this  did  actually  happen  so  Henry  can't  have  actually  been  lying  about  this.  Its  also  noted  the  cameras  were  mysteriously  turned  off  during  the  time  Eleven  was  being  attacked. 

( My  personal  take  on  this,  FOR  NOW,  until  canon  gives  us  more  on  this,  if  that  does  happen  at  all,  is  that  Brenner  was  actively  trying  to  create  an  immense  power serge  and  he  was  using  Eleven,  Two  and  a  few  of  the  other  more  "promising"  test  subjects  to  do  it.  In  my  takeaway  from  canon  Brenner  didn't  care  about  the  children  like  he  pretended,  perhaps  he  had  his  favrioutes,  but  I  don't  believe  Eleven  really  became  one  of  them  until  she  showed  her  potential  and  even  then  I  don't  believe  Brenner  became  interested  in  her  outside  of  using  and  possibly  sacrificing  her  to  achieve  his  grander  goal  until  he  lost  Henry  and  the  other  children. 

So  basically  in  season  1  it  was  explained  that  if  another  dimension  exists a  massive  power serge  would  be  needed  in  order  to  "open"  a  portal  to  that  world. Once  again,  I  believe  Brenner  knew  about  the  Upside  Down  and  he  knew  such  a  "power serge"  was  needed  to  "open"  this  other  dimension. He  also  knew  the  type  of  power serge  that  was  needed  could  be  achieved  through  the  psychics  and  their  powers  as  I  headcanon  he  learned  all  this  through  experiments  particularly  on  Henry  in  his  boyhood.  We  are  explained /  shown  a  similar  thing  with  the  Soviets  in  season  3.  They  were  using  a  crazy ass  machine  to  create  a  power surge  strong  enough  to  chip  away  at  and  eventually  re-open  the  gate  to  the  Upside  Down.  This  should  also  put  into  perspective  the  kind  of  terrifying  power  Henry  and  some  of  the  other  subjects  were  capable  of. 

So  yeah,  anyway,  as  far  as  my  headcanon  goes  right  now  Brenner  was  planning  on  pitting  Eleven  against  Two  in  the  hopes  of  them  causing  a  power serge  great  enough  to  open  the  Upside  Down  for  him.  In  my  opinion,  at  this  point,  he  viewed  Eleven  as  disposable  and  Two  as something he wouldn't cry too much about because  even  though  Two  was  very  powerful  Brenner  didn't  seem  to  like  the  guy  that  much  and  ultimately,  in  my  headcanon,  the  only  one  of  the  numbers  Brenner  truly  placed  value  on  was  Henry,  hence  why  even  after  Brenner  took  away  Henry's  powers  he  refused  to  let  Henry  go.  He  has  a  very  creepy  obsession  with  Henry,  honestly,  but  YEAH. )  Side  note,  I  also  think  the  cameras  being  off  had  to  do  with  Henry’s  own  assault.  He  was  taken  into  one  of  the  test  rooms  and  had  the  hell  beat  out  of  him  while  Brenner  watched.  Why ?  What  where  they  doing  that  for,  it  couldn’t  have  been  ethical  or  something  you  want  to  record  for  everyone  to  see  and  we  do  know  Brenner  messed  with  the  tapes  and  removed  footage  which  seems  to  further  incriminate  him  in  this  and  bring  more  truth  to  Henry's  words. 

So  what  did  Henry  say  or  do  that  made  Brenner  decide  he  needed  a  pummeling ?  Obviously  he  interfered  in  a  way  Brenner  didn’t  like.  He  might  have  even  spoke  against  Brenner’s  plan  to  let  the  other  subjects  ambush  Eleven  or,  as  is  the  case  in  my  canon,  they  were  beating  him  so  he  couldn’t  intervene  which  adds  up.  Like  while  Henry  was  going  through  this,  Eleven  suddenly  gets  jumped  by  the  other  test  subjects  who  were  let  out  of  their  rooms  for  some  reason.  Henry  can’t  be  lying  because  all  of  that  is  suspicious  and  wrong  on  so  many  levels,  and  we  know  Henry  was  occupied  at  the  time  the  other  test  subjects  were  mysteriously  freed  from  their  rooms  and  the  cameras  were  shut  off.  It  adds  up  completely  with  what  he  says  about  Brenner's  plan  to  harm  Eleven.

 Eleven  didn’t  fight  back  and  survived  the  initial  attack,  and  Brenner  “punished”  Two,  further  exasperating  Two’s  hate  for  and  competition  with  Eleven  which  could  easily  escalate  things  further.  Henry  mentions  Brenner  was  manipulating  the  other  subjects  so  its  likely  Two  was  receiving  signals  to  encourage  him  to  hurt  Eleven  outside  of  just  being  shown  up  by  her.  I  completely  believe  Eleven  was  at  risk  of  being  attacked  again  and  possibly  killed.  We  have  a  moment  when  Brenner  approaches  Eleven  and  goads  her  over  the  other  children  laughing  at  her  and  mocking  her.  Who  is  to  say  Brenner  wasn't  whispering  similar  things  in  Two's  ear  to  make  him  angry  and  make  him  think  he  had  to  hurt  Eleven.  Henry seemed to literally be trying to help Eleven master her powers entirely to protect her from this.

The  canon  seems  to  show  that  Henry  tried  to  guide  her  toward  success / protect her  because  he  empathized  with  her  as  a  lonely  child  who  was  mocked  and isolated  from  others  which  we  saw.  He  straight  up  tells  her  she  reminds  him  of  himself.  We  know  Eleven  is  mostly  on  her  own.  She’s  shy  and  she  lacks  confidence.  The  other  children  make  fun  of  her.  We  saw  all  that  so  this  isn't  some  kind  of  misinterpretation  by  Henry. 

Henry  empathized  with  this  and  wanted  to  help  her  with  her  powers  but  he  realized  this  was  a  mistake  because  Brenner  saw  the  test  subjects  as  lab-rats  first  and  humans  never.  No  one  was  exempt  to  this,  no  matter  how  talented  they  were.  Showing  talent  didn’t  mean  safety, especially not from Brenner  and  Brenner  makes  a  point  of  emphasizing  this  in  the  scene  where  he  “punishes”  Two.  

You  can  see  Henry’s  reaction  to  this  is  one  of  fear,  discomfort  and concern.  This  resonates  badly  with  Henry,  probably  for  a  lot  of  reasons  but  we  def  get  to  see  that  reaction  out  of  him  for  a  reason.  It  backs  up  a  lot  of  things,  particularly  what  he  said  about  wanting  to  help  Eleven  but  only  making  it  worse  and  his  guilt /  remorse  for  that,  hence  why  he  seems  to  have  escalated  his  efforts  to  rescue  / protect her. In  the  test  scenes  previous  to  this  we  did  see  Henry  helping  Eleven  in  a  friendly  way  and  if  you  pay  attention  to  Brenner  whenever  he  is  in  the  room  with  Henry,  Brenner  is  noticing  Henry’s  “friendship”  with  Eleven  as  well.  He  does  not  seem  to  take  too  kindly  to  it  either  and  as  a  result  he  starts  taking  an  interest  in  Eleven  himself. 

So  to  me  this  means  Henry  tried  to  help  Eleven  show  her  powers  in  a  way  that  wouldn't  harm  her and help protect her from Two  but  instead  of  this  satisfying  Brenner  like  Henry  hoped  it  only  furthered  Brenner's  interest  in  Eleven  and  the  ways  in  which  he  could  use  her  powers  for  his  own  means. This  doesn’t  seem  off  to  me  with  all  of  Brenner’s  other  behaviors  and the  characters  general  MO.  

The  facts  that  I  can  see  is  that  Henry  literally  risked  his  life  and wellbeing  to  help  Eleven.  He  escalated  from  just  reassuring  her  and giving  her  tips  and  standing  up  for  her,  to  full-blown  trying  to  break  her  out  of  the  facility  and  this  was  all  directly  related  to  the  way  Brenner  was  treating  her  and  the  danger  she  seemed  to  actually  be  in.   Which  are  the  other  key  parts  in  figuring  out  whether  Henry  was  always  just  manipulating  her  or  he  was  genuinely  trying  to  save  her  like  he  says,  imo.  I  mean  aside  from  Henry’s  own  reaction  of  hurt  and confusion  when  Eleven  accuses  him  of  tricking  her, which  I  think  is  also  something  to  consider  and  that  seems  to  be  overlooked  to  me.  Like  why  did  he  react  with  such  hurt / confusion  if  he’s  an  emotionless  monster  who  planned  all  of  that ?  Wouldn’t  his  reaction  to  this  accusation  be  more  of  a  “lol  u  got  me”  instead  if  that  were  the  case ? 

Henry  literally  takes  Eleven  to  a  place  she  could  escape  and  sends  her  on  her  way.  He  doesn’t  try  to  stop  her,  he  reassures  her  that  she  would  be  okay  and  not  to  be  afraid.  If  Eleven  never  offered  to  help  him  return  what  would  he  have  done ?  Stopped  her  and  told  her  not  to  go ?  Literally  all  Eleven  had  to  do  was  say  “thanks”  and  crawl  into  the  tunnel  as  Henry  instructed.  That  seems  to  be  a  huge  gamble  to  take  if  this  was  all  a  super  carefully  planned  manipulation  and  all  he  planned  to  do  was  use  her  to  facilitate  his  own  escape. Eleven  has  a  good  heart  and  she  assumed  Henry  had  to  leave  with  her  because  he  was  in  extreme  danger  himself,  which  is  the  other  thing.

 Henry  had  no  way  to  know  Eleven  saw  him  being  tortured  which  is  what  ultimately  swayed  her  decision  to  help  him  back  and  he  doesn’t  make  it  about  him. Consistently  its  always  about  helping  her,  its  Eleven’s  idea  based  on  what  she  saw  to  help  him  in  return,  something  Henry  didn’t  know  about  until  AFTER he  had  already  put  HER  escape  plan  in  motion. and  of  course  he  takes  her  offer  to  help  him  because  why  wouldn’t  he ?  Theres  no  reason  he  wouldn’t  jump  at  the  offer  when  given  to  him  just  like  there's  also  no  way  he  would  know  how  she  would  react.   

Like  I  said  all  she  had  to  do  was  say  thanks  and  crawl  into  the  tunnel,  its  an  insane  and  illogical gamble  to  take  if  it  was  all  just  for  his  own  means  imo.  Further,  his  reaction  to  the  offer  came  off  to  me  as  one  of  surprise  but  also  an  extreme  giddy  sense  of  elation  to  finally  be  presented  with  a  way  out  of  that  nightmare  for  himself.  Something  I  really  think  he  had  probably  given  up  hope  of  until  that  moment.  (  * I  just  want  to  say  since I wrote this the  script  has  since  confirmed  this  is  true.  The  script  described  Henry  as  surprised  and  moved  by  Eleven's  offer  to  help  him  back.  Which  kind  of  proves  he  can't  have  planned  for  Eleven  to  help  him  or  else  his  reaction  /  feeling  would  be  different. )  For  me,  almost  every  single  thing  Henry  said  to  Eleven  rings  true.  From  his  monologue  about  how  she  was  nothing  but  a  animal  to  Brenner  and  that  he  had  saved  her  by  doing  what  he  did,  to  him  telling  her  he  was  glad  she  was  born  and  that  he  believes  in  her.  It  really  seems  to  me  that  everything  Henry  did  he  did  to  help  her  just  like  he  said.  

Any  manipulations  in  Henry’s  actions  seems  quite  minor  and  well  meaning  in  the  grand  scheme  of  things.  And  I  think  the  only  manipulation  /  trick  I  can  actually  see  from  Henry  is  the  fact  he  told  her  to  wait  in  the  store  room  while  he  found  a  way  out  when  he  didnt  just  do  that.  Honestly,  in  a  lot  of  ways  Henry  parallels  Brenner.  They  are  extremely  similar  in  their  behaviors  but  I  think  Henry  becomes  an  inverted  parallel  of  Brenner  as  a  twist  here  due  to  his  intentions  being  much  more  genuine  and benevolent  than  Brenner's  actually  were.  

And  I  think  the  scenes  in  the  ep  “Papa”  emphasize  this.  Initially,  Eleven  believes  Henry  is  the  monster.  She  was  so  young  and at  the  time  of  their  confrontation,  Brenner  and  the  other  test  subjects  were  the  only  family  she  knew.  She  rejected  the  truth  Henry  told  her  about  Brenner  not  really  caring  about  her  but  in  every  experience  she’s  had  since  then  she  starts  to  realize  maybe  this  was  true  even  if  she  doesn’t  want  to  at  first.

 In  the  episode  she  initially  accuses  Henry  of  being  the  monster,  she’s  even  angry  and  confused  as  to  why  Brenner  would  allow  someone  like  Henry  to  be  around  the  children  in  the  first  place,  but  throughout  the  ep  this  thought  process  breaks  down  and  she  begins  to  see  through  all  Brenner’s  gaslighting  and  lies  and excuses,  and starts  to  believe  that  no,  Henry  wasn’t  “the  monster,” and she wasn't the monster  at  all,  Brenner  was.  Brenner  was  the  only  “monster”.  Henry  was  ultimately  right  about  everything  like  it  or  not.  And  Eleven  directly  tells  Henry  that  he  isn't  the  monster  in  the  piggyback  episode.  The  big  tragedy  is  this  realization  and  validation  has  come  far  too  late  to  reach  Henry  now  because  overall  Henry’s  now  a  supernatural  terror  whose  on  an  absolute  mission  and Eleven’s  still  a  confused  child  who  has  stepped  up  from  being  a  lab-rat  to  a  super-hero  and it  turns  out  that's  not  the  upgrade  everyone  wants  to  think  it  is.  And  yeah.  Thats  my  analysis  on  that  thanks  for  reading  sjfkdkfd. 

[madeimpact]

10, 26 for the munday meme??

Shh pretend it's still munday || @beinfriends

Gonna answer 10 under a cut because it talks about some of the, uh...more difficult subject matter in End of Evangelion

∗ 26﹕ who  was  your  very  first  muse ?  would  you  consider  writing  them  now ?

I answered this already, but just to humor the question, I'll refer back to my other answer last time this question came around the blog. Old Vocaloid self insert that predates tumblr.

Hm...I dunno if I'd consider writing her as she last was before she kinda retreated into the recesses of my brain. I'd probably end up completely reworking her into her own OC ( she was already sort of evolving into her own character in her later stages anyway ).

∗ 10﹕ is  there  a  piece  of  your  character’s  canon  that  you  refuse  to  accept ?

I've talked at length before about how I feel about the infamous hospital scene in End of Evangelion. EoE Shinji is just overall a very different, more vitriolic character compared to what we see in the anime. I'll go ahead and link this meta I reblogged a while back because I basically directly quote it whenever I'm asked about this, they were able to put the vague feelings I had into words way better than I ever could LMAOSDHKDFJLG

I don't really outright say it didn't happen, but rather I try to figure a mental process that's a little more in line with the anime that would result in...yanno...that. I just feel like it's a little bit more of a challenge to do it that way you feel? Writing it out entirely feels like the easy, "it's problematic therefore it doesn't exist" solution, which really doesn't work for what Eva tries to be. In the past I've explained it as a lapse in judgement that not even Shinji knows how to explain ( not the most satisfying or in-depth, I know, but this is something I've been struggling with for years ). With him strangling Asuka on the beach, I've written it as some combination of him acting on pent up rage about how Asuka treated him, plus him needing to know he exists in the physical world again, therefore being able to touch someone. Mind you — holding up a big flashing neon sign here so no one gets it twisted — that's not to say any of this is justified behavior. It's not. EoE Shinji does fucked up shit, there's no two ways about it. I've just...tried getting into Anno's head about the whole thing, I guess. I've tried to think whether there's a universe in which this stuff happens. And of course, I'd NEVER actually write this shit out in RP. Not the time or place.

I just...I have a lot of complicated feelings about End of Eva. I don't actively dislike it as a film overall — it has some good things that can connect back to the anime, like "anywhere can be heaven as long as you have the will to live" and Shinji's ultimate rejection of Instrumentality. But it's hard to reconcile several elements of it with the ending of the anime ( which I prioritize over EoE as the conclusion to anime Shinji's character arc ), even though I've tried over the years. Maybe it's just my weird reluctance to just outright change shit about canon, idk.

If anything, I guess my answer to all of this is my post-EoE verse where things start to rebuild and look up for the cast. It's something I like about the manga and rebuild — they're a little more unambiguously optimistic, which I think ultimately does Eva's message of self-love and self-improvement better service. Post-EoE Shinji is generally in a better place mentally and regrets his actions in EoE. He chose a world of individuality, which means he needs to take ownership of those actions and do better.

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

man i have not posted enough pericky-specific content lately. i need to fix that. partly because it's a quality ship i love very much, and partly out of spite because tumblr is a garbage website and blocking does not keep me from seeing popular blogs around who talk about murdering pericky shippers and people who just, like, acknowledge that it's canonical SA/CSA/domestic violence survivor rep lol

[queerexpressions]

“that he’d been vindicated somehow”

[bouquetofalliums]

wilbur soot's statement is the furthest it can be from an apology. its vague, baseless, lacks Any sort of accountability, and feels like some shit chatgpt made up. two pages, four paragraphs and... Not a single Im Sorry. and to think i expected any better of him and i REALLY DID. his response to his other mild controversies were genuine and decent at best. this just lacks Everything. i read the first two sentences and my eyes rolled to the back of my fuckin head

disregarding that the way he downplays his own abuse astounds me. because WE KNOW EVERYTHING. we've heard from the victim and there were Witnesses. you say you were snobbish, disrespectful and selfish, but aside from the biting thing; do you ever address that time you pinned her down to claim you were stronger than her although knowing shelby has gone through past sexual assault? how you weaponized her safe word? how you locked her up in your house for days? how you never cleaned up over yourself and made her do all the work? how you gaslit her and her friends and Humiliated her in front of them ????? no amount of therapy or change you've claimed to have gone through can excuse any of your vile behaviours ESPECIALLY when it comes WITHOUT an apology. you cry about how you've changed to us but you don't care at all! because it was all about fame and money to you, right? us and our words mean so little to you, right?

you could've taken more time to polish this and to come from a place of genuinity and none of us would have complained. rather you put out some flat disingenuous slop and expected us to eat it up. No! youve lost your devoted fanbase wilbur. if you didn't want your shitty actions to come out you shouldn't have been a shitty person in the first place.

whatever . i have more to say but i dont want to waste my words on him. im so so fucking disappointed in that man and i hope to never see his face on the internet ever again . to think i spent the last 3 years and more just blindly supporting and loving his music and content without thinking anything else of it .... i feel so sick . I feel so so sick

sending all the love and support to shelby, lexie, rhana, sophie, and to anyone and all who have been deeply hurt by his actions in any way whatsoever

[capricious-magician]

"Mathematicians call them twin primes: pairs of prime numbers that are close to each other, almost neighbors, but between them there is always an even number that prevents them from truly touching. Numbers like 11 and 13, like 17 and 19, 41 and 43. If you have the patience to go on counting, you discover that these pairs gradually become rarer. You encounter increasingly isolated primes, lost in that silent, measured space made only of ciphers, and you develop a distressing presentiment that the pairs encountered up until that point were accidental, that solitude is the true destiny. Then, just when you’re about to surrender, when you no longer have the desire to go on counting, you come across another pair of twins, clutching each other tightly."

Paolo Giordano

[catboymoments]

Hi all I’ve been wanting to make something with huntlow and re: trauma processing for a while now, they mean a lot to me in terms of how I relate to them and how sweet they r… however I chose not to sugarcoat the dialogue because I feel like topics like these shouldn’t be shied away from and Should be discussed, but because it’s triggering I’m putting where it starts under a readmore so!! Heed the warnings pls

cw for talk about c/sa

They make me so emotional and soft guah… thank you for supporting me and encouraging me to write about this stuff I love you all