#same goes for arson jokes

[jewishicequeen]

I burnt like 25% of my left hand last year, like a full 2nd degree burn over the whole spot, and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. Since your scar is way cooler looking than mine, you really really REALLY have my sympathies. Burns are horrible, I don't wish them on anyone.

Oh god that sounds awful😣

Yeah, I have 3rd degree burn on 30% of my body so. Not fun. Don't play with fire, kiddos. Or hot water, oil, or weird chemicals you don't know, and obviously, OBVIOUSLY, don't fucking AIM THEM AT OTHER PEOPLE.

[billkaulitzwife]

The Outsiders Nowadays (in 2024).

Ponyboy (born 2010)

on playstation 24/7

“FIVE MORE MINUTES, DARREL.”

his username is smth stupid like ‘smokersleftlung’ or ‘mylittlep0ny’

“wya?” when ur at his door

vapes.

SORRY.

noah kahan lover

jeans, steel toe boots, camo shirt, neon orange jacket.

would try to get his friends to read

but gets called a dork :)

“Something in the Orange” on full blast while thinking of Cherry

posts horrendous .5s of himself on snap

typa guy to hold a fish on his instagram

favourite show is probably yellowstone

Johnny (born 2008)

loves open boxing the gang !

sad he has an xbox and not ps like the boys

HATES fortnite.

unironically says skibidi gyat

“hey dal, look at that furry over there.”

its just some kid.

foster care.

dallas would add him on snap and getting annoyed when he said “wyll”

has a stupid bow by his name

“johnny🎀”

like bro you are not coquette.

cries to wlw poetry.

snap user: “ooh_achurch” insta: “cadecade55”

used :3 once and never did it again.

watched friends and says “hes so me” whenever he sees ross.

Dallas (born 2007)

“wyll”

typa guy to yell GYATTT in public

barks at emos and furries

vapes in the school bathroom

racist.

would call you a slur for looking at him for more than a second.

mullet + perm combo

jumped a 7 year old and got on the news

male manipulator core

owns a husky named after himself

knife enthusiast.

screams at his dad for ten more minutes on the playstation

“do u send?”

no i do not thank you very much.

suicide boys. lil peep.

thinks he’s dean from supernatural

same username everywhere: “imnottexan”

fav show: big mouth

Adelaide (born 2010)

regina george but on a mental level

gatekeeper.

arsonist !

had a friend group with “bug” “kai” “arson” and “alex” in 2021 and nearly khs.

almost thought she was bi.

fought a girl in the locker room at school

takis, cookie monster pajama pants, latina makeup

SABRINA AND CHAPPELL LOVER, used to be a swiftie

sturniolo triplet fan (owns all of space camp)

buys clothes from shein

usernames: “addiethebaddie” “adelaidecurtis”

fav show wld be shameless

BEDROTTING.

grew up on spongebob and bubble guppies

writes poetry in her notes app

Darry (born 2004)

“live laugh love” sign somewhere in the house

“Doesn’t know how to text normally .”

(jkjk)

“PHONE ON THE TABLE WHEN YOU GET HOME.”

has a pinterest board full of pumpkins and dogs

invested in the kardashians

the therapist friend

facetimes the gang when he’s on lunch break

doesnt understand what skibidi is

ONLINE COLLEGE!!!

blasts dad rock when he drops off the twins at school

duct taped two-bit to the top of his car during freshman kill week

did the same to steve

class of ‘22

lowk eats up lana del rey

hates twitter and instagram

username: “darrel_curtis”

believes in angel numbers (me too king)

has a picture of him holding a fish on his instagram to ‘attract the females’

Sodapop (born 2008)

boycott

belittle

boyboss

owned wizz for less than a day

trolled little kids on roblox with steve

saw too many… things on omegle.

scrolls on tiktok for hours.

usernames: “thispxssytasteslikepepsi” “sodap0p08”

binges twilight in hiding

also barks at emos and furries

laughs at any kinda fart joke

showed pony a picture of a horse and said “found u online”

they fought.

threatened to break the tv when he couldn’t play slime rancher for three hours

turns his life360 off when he goes out with sandy or to a car show

Two-Bit (born 2006)

broke four controllers when he played seige

trolls on fortnite

finally fucking finished high school (class of ‘24)

ice cream scoop hair

binges bojack horseman

bo burnham’s biggest fan

made a huge deal when the queen died

refused to wear a mask during quarantine because ‘ITS FOR SISSIES’

preaches the second amendment “MERICAAA”

username: “twobit”

sends random memes in the gc when the others are fighting

hates xbox users

complains about adelaide using shein

“tummy hurty” posts on his insta story

would slap the shit out of you if you said seige was just a game

Steve (born 2007)

trolls on dti

eats goldfish like his life depends on it

username: “handletherandle”

also preaches the second amendment

and the first

and the fifth

PROUD TO BE AN AMERICA—

went on a school trip to dc and hated everything he had to eat

doordashes when he has enough

hypocrite

wld call you a slur for a GOOD reason

avid minecraft player

and overwatch.

mountain dew addict

reposts politics and cars on twitter

hates minion memes

“wyll”

THAT’S ALL FOLKS!

[kenlvry]

how the main 4 would react when the new kid was getting too close to you

note: THANKYO FOR THE LIKES, hope you guys like this one too! this one is a bit long sorry!!

♡ ˂͈⁠ 

kenny mccormick

there was a new kid at school, and he was real popular with the ladies because of how handsome and how he talks to the girls.

and it looks like he took a liking to you, he would alwaysssss talk to you, even at lunch he would ask you to sit with him and his gang instead of kennys gang

you were an angel so of course you accepted his friendly demeanor,

at first kenny was okay with it but when you two were getting TOO close he got suspicious

he hated how touchy and how you were laughing at the new kids joke, you were even slapping your knee at how funny it was!!

you reassured him that you didnt think of the new kid like that but he was worried on how he thought of you, he even gave you flowers?!?, you obviously threw them away.

kenny went to confront him but the new kid said that he had liked you for long and was willing to fight for you, oh kenny was burning fire at that point

he told his friends and being the supportive friends they were, they made a plan. the same night the new kid told kenny that he liked you, kenny and all of his friends sneaked into his bedroom and thrashed it!

luckily they ONLY thrashed it, kenny was about to commit arson. he left a note on the bed saying "don't touch my girl again."

the next day the new kid kept his distance and you asked kenny about it and he acted as if nothing happened, same goes for stan kyle and cartman. kenny didn't care if you knew or not as long as you were his again it was okay <3

stan marsh

when the new kid first approached you it was when you were with stan and the others, it went quiet. the new kid had asked you to go to movies with him this weekend. remembering the plans you had with the other you declined but he insisted.

stan was suspicious but he let you go and said you can hang out with them the other day because he thought the new kid just wanted to make friends and since you were the friendly type he approached you first

but just incase, he bought the same tickets and spied on you with kyle, you guys were watching a romance movie and stan bought tickets directly behind you two, kyle thought it was a stupid idea but went with it because he had his suspicions too

and guess what the entire movie the new kid had his eyes on you, no like every time there was a funny scene or a sad scene the new kid would immediately look at you to see your reaction, this made stan annoyed and mad tbh

not only that the new kid tried doing the yawning hand on the shoulders thing, it didnt work because you sneezed and it made him jump

oh at that point stan was hella mad, the movie ended and as you were gonna get up the new kid pulled you down to sit again, stan was seeing blood fr, you two were talking and laughing

all of the sudden you texted stan "call me and act like its an emergency, this new kid weird lmao" stan was smiling and almost laughed, he quickly left the cinema with kyle behind him and called you acting like you needed to be home, when you exited the cinema you were surprised to see the two of them waiting for you

you kinda knew but wasnt sure, you didn't care as long as you were away with that freak new kid, stan was also happy he got his girlfriend back :))

kyle broflovski

one day when kyle you and the others was on their way to the class, arriving and your desk was crowded with people, stan asked what was going on and bebe said you got flowers from the new kid, you were surprised and pushed your way to the nosy people and saw a big bouquet of flowers with a note beside it saying "these remind me of you - new kid"

you smiled a little out of respect but in all honesty you hated it, you felt uncomfortable to say the least, you looked over at kyle who now has his arms crossed and glared at you, you smiled and just sat down puting the flowers on the floor for throwing away later, when everyone was just settling in the new kid came in and came over to you "hows the flowers? they looked pretty just like you" he said while smirking

you wanted to kill him, so gross, you said it was okay and told him he didnt need to all of that because you already have kyle , and you wanna know what this boy had to say? he just smiled looked at kyle and said "well lets fight for y/n then kyle"

kyle wasnt about to fight anyone and refused, (although he almost jumped that man right there and then) and guess what the new kid called him a chicken!! "OOO FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT" "shut the fuck up fattass"

before kyle could say anything in return mr garrison came and told everyone to sit down, during the whole class the two of them were glaring at each other.

lunch came and you Wendy bebe and the other girls went to have lunch tgt, all of the sudden butters burst through the canteen doors and yelled "FIGHTT, KYLES ABOUT TO FIGHT THE NEW KID"

you were shocked and asked butters what happened, he just said that after lunch the new kid challenged kyle and now their fighting

going out to the playground you saw a big group of people and saw glimpses of kyle and the new kid fighting, luckily you came in to break the fight apart (bc tbh kyle would've lost that fight)

kyle was sent to detention with the new kid which was stupid bc that would just cause another fight, you sneaked kyle out bc tbh the teacher was sleeping and could care less, kyle was now inside your room getting treated by you, you told him it was stupid to fight over you like that

in his defense the new kid was irritating him sm he couldn't hold it in, you reassured him that you already threw away the flowers and loved only him

after that you two cuddled and talked shit about the new kid tgt <33

eric cartman

at first he didnt care when the new kid would play with you on the playground, would laugh so hard with you, always gave you gifts, being by your side 24/7, being extra touchy with you, not paying attention in class and even having inside jokes tgt!! ..... or maybe it did bother him..

as time went on you were spending way more time with the new kid than him, he was so mad. he wanted to rip every bone from the new kids body, you told cartman that you thought of the new kid as your close friend and nothing more and he believed you but wbt the new kid? what did he thought of you??

cartman approached him and asked tons of questions abt you, the new kid knew you two had smthn and decided to play with cartman saying he liked you and wanted to date you but oh no he shouldnt have said that, the new kid was well obviously new so he didnt know what cartman was capable of

that night cartman went to the new kids house and saw he had a dog (sorry guys 😞) cartman made a very obscure plan to kill the dog and put a note next to the corpse "never ever touch her again"

for two days the new kid didnt come to school and you texted him but he didnt reply, the third day he came to school his eyes were puffed up and he looked scared and nervous, when he made eye contact with cartman he flinched and got scared you were curious but thought nothing cz most kids were scared of cartman

the new kid was distance to you and tbh you were pretty sad but you didn't care and was back to your usual self hanging out with cartman and the gang,

cartman couldnt be happier ;)

[rayshippouuchiha]

Hey Ray! Hope you're doing well. Was going through the Uchiha Nip AU again and I gotta say I love those asks with the other jinchuuriki! Like they're pulling off those found family vibes. Also considering they're all famous I know Uchiha Nip AU social media is going wild that these celebrities all know each other.

My two cents is that some of them did know each other before they all came together as a group but not in the way anyone imagined.

Naruto would cheerfully clarify that no Gaara is not an Uzumaki and yes Gaara did try to kill him once. No-one can tell if he'd joking or not.

Utakata and Yagura are low-key relatives but they met each other while being kidnapped by the same group.

Yugito and Fuu met while they were being questioned by the police for two separate cases of arson.

Roushi and Han know each other not because they're from the same hometown but while standing in line for their favourite author's book.

And so on.

Then they met as a group... And Japan was doomed really

You're picking up on the exact kind of chaotic vibes I want them to have in this AU so fuck yes.

Social media absolutely goes insane over this unexpectedly large group of very random celebrities knowing each other but through chance or sly design, Naruto is normally the one taking all of the pictures of their private gatherings.

Also, Naruto is absolutely not joking, Gaara really did try to kill him in a situation that involved a back alley dumpster and a raccoon. In the end they were both bleeding and it cemented their decision to be friends for life.

Yugito and Fuu both got questioned about arson and they're both guilty but, luckily enough for them, they're each guilty of the arson the other one was actually being questioned about so they both ended up getting away with it.

[evilkaeya]

Let's talk about teenage soukoku and the first time they steal a car.

Sixteen years old Dazai Osamu wakes up one day and decides he's going to learn to drive today and because drama is his middle name, he asks (threatens) their chauffeur to teach him about car parts and what they do. After learning each part and its function (mind you he hasn't tried driving once yet) he happily goes to get his partner.

Fast forward to 3 hours later the infamous double black is being chased by a crowd of angry citizens for unsupervised vandalism (property damage, arson, causing ruckus you name it). Between Chuuya yelling profanities and threatening to kill him Dazai pick pockets a car key and to his luck, it's a pick up van parked on the side of the road.

He only hopes the functions are as same as the limo they use in port mafia.

He gets into the car and Chuuya follows, but he doesn't do it quietly.

"What the fuck are we doing?" He asks as he slams the door shut, "bastard can you even drive!?"

"No, but I'm going to learn now," is Dazai's reply as he pushes the key into the ignition and twists it. The engine starts with a roar.

Stage one: accomplished.

Ignoring Chuuya's scream of protests and threats he slams the gear stick and hits the pedal and they're immediately on the road, crowd chasing behind them.

Laughing, Dazai speeds up and Chuuya holds onto the seat for dear life, all while screaming on top of his lungs. Dazai can't feel his face from the gush of wind but he doesn't stop. It's crazy, it's stupid and it's absolutely thrilling.

Somehow he manages to drive them far away from the people, the city (the fucking police if they saw them, Dazai doesn't know) and he stops the car to a side of the road.

He turns to look at his partner and the older boy is still next to him, clutching on Dazai's arm, hair completely disheveled by the wind and breathing heavy.

Their eyes lock and Dazai opens his mouth to tease him, make a joke about how chibi looked like a dog even more now, but then Chuuya starts laughing. He drops his hand from Dazai's arm and he's laughing like a madman, hand on stomach. A giggle escapes Dazai as well because this is new, this feels amazing, he wants to do it again.

They sit there and laugh for god knows how long before a limo is pulling up next to there car and Hirotsu is driving them back, telling them how he won't cover up for them again. They thank him (Chuuya thanks him, Dazai sings "No promises~" and gets pinched by Chuuya) unaware of the fond smile on the older man's face.

[just-someone-online]

Just had a fun idea for a filler ep. Basically, while the team are out on a job, they encounter a modified form of the Changeling spell that switches their magics instead of their bodies. Now, it's a race against the clock to figure out how to use each other's powers and defeat the guy that did this to them before the effects become permanent. And unlike the original Changeling, the swaps aren't paired together.

Gray ends up with Erza's Requip, mostly because I think it's funny that the accidental stripper ends up with a magic that lets him change into a million different armors. Speaking of which, Erza absolutely keeps an eye on him the whole time to make sure he doesn't lose anything.

Erza ends up with Wendy's Dragon Slayer magic. Truthfully, I don't have much of a reason for this one beyond liking the idea of Erza using dragon slaying magic. I feel like the first time she tries to roar, she takes in too much air and actively begins lowering the oxygen levels around her.

Wendy gets saddled with Lucy's Celestial Spirit magic. I'm going with this mostly because I remembered that girl from the Infinity Clock arc that Mest thought looked like Wendy and decided to sorta reference her. For the most part, I can see her doing pretty well with it, aside from maybe forgetting which key goes to which spirt.

Lucy winds up with Happy's Aera, mostly because I can see Happy teasing her about not being able to fly and I want to see her divebomb into a Lucy Kick.

Happy gets Carla's abilities, mainly because I can imagine there being a joke about him being bummed that he basically stayed the same until he has a vision or transforms.

Carla is stuck with Natsu's Dragon Slayer magic, purely because that kind of destructive power does not gel well with her. Like, she gets the hang of it, sure, but not before accidentally committing at least three acts of arson.

And last but not least, Natsu ends up with Gray's Ice Make and Devil Slayer magic. I imagine that at first he's pissed at how friggin' cold everything is now, but once he gets used to it he'd keep trying to Ice Make a dragon, only it for it to be the worst looking thing you've ever seen.

By the end of it, they've committed a record breaking amount of property damage for Fairy Tail.

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Patrick Verona

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

(One of the titans has finally been completed. Amen.)

- When you first heard about the rumors that surrounded Patrick Verona, you’d genuinely thought that they were jokes. Lit a state trooper on fire, sold his own liver to buy a new set of speakers: were your classmates like actually serious? 

- It was funny the first few times the gossip came up in conversation but after a while, it just started to get a little sad. You were in high school and your peers were still just as gullible as the kids who got scared by the drip, drip story or the tale of the clown statue. 

- Admittedly, the delinquent occasionally intimidated you as well, but you were scared of him the same way you’d be scared of any other person at your school; particularly someone as openly hostile as he was. He wasn’t an arson enthusiast or a criminal in your eyes, he was just a guy who’d maybe humiliate you or purposefully inconvenience you if you happened to get on his nerves one day. 

- And yet, regardless of this fear, you still couldn’t stop yourself from looking at him and developing an interest. You considered him completely out of your league and entirely unattainable: someone who would never even think to look your way and who probably already had a beautiful girlfriend who was way cooler than you in every conceivable way possible.

- It’s the reason why you placated yourself with silent devotion instead of actually acting upon your feelings: why you opted for secret glances and daydreams that nobody else would ever find out about or catch on to; unless they were monitoring you 24/7 and/or had a probe in your silly little lovestruck brain. 

- Yet someone did catch onto it, the exact same person your affections were pointed towards....

- A lot of people look at Patrick; a lot of people stare and a lot of people look away quickly when he manages to catch them. He’s generally pretty used to it. What he isn’t used to is a pretty girl acting all timid and embarrassed when she accidentally meets his eyes: not disgusted by or scared of him but actually kind of shy.

- It takes him a little while to realize it; to notice the difference between your gaze and everyone else’s, but when he does finally manage to put a finger on it, he finds it sort of amusing. You like him. Cute....

- It’s not cute for you though, not when he confronts you at you locker and asks you why you’re always staring at him, a fake smile plastered across his face; grin looking more like bared teeth than an actual sign of genuine kindness. It’s not cute when he begins putting words into your mouth as you struggle to explain, watching you closely as you nervously deny his ideas; up until he mentions how “maybe you just have a crush on him”.

- It’s completely humiliating staring at the floor as you anticipate his response, waiting for his laughter or something equally cruel to come after the realization inevitably dawns on him. Yet all he does is let out an interested hum before he turns and walks away, leaving you standing at your locker, wondering if you’ll even be able to face him the next day in class. 

- Fortunately for you; or perhaps unfortunately, you’ve officially sparked his interest, and now that he knows you have a thing for him, he’s determined to get to know you and see how deep this infatuation of yours goes; along with whether or not you’re actually worth his time. 

- He doesn’t ask you out just yet but he does start to hang around you a bit, testing you every now and again, pushing your buttons in order to get a grasp of your personality. In the beginning, he tries to intimidate you: corners you a little, gives you blank stares, takes your things and refuses to give them back until he decides he’s gotten what he’s looking for. 

- That’s how the shift in his personality begins: he snatches your pencil case off your desk just as the bell rings and subsequently forces you to follow him, letting you tail him awkwardly down the hallway as he tosses it up and down in the air. You expect his usual tough guy attitude but when he finally whirls around to face you, he gives you a slightly curious look and “asks” if you’re afraid of him. 

“You’re not afraid of me, are you?” 

“Not really.” You sigh in response, slightly nervous to find out what he’s trying to get at. 

“Most people are.” He comments, his hands ceasing their throwing and catching as he walks closer to you.

“Most people think you ate an entire duck.” You respond.

“Maybe I did,” He says before he begins to grin. “Though I do prefer eating other things.”

“Pencils?” You ask, glancing down at your pencil case that he’s still holding onto. 

- When you look back up at his face, you’re somewhat surprised to see that there’s a genuine smile pulling at his lips. He hands you the pencil case and you take it, glancing at him one last time before walking away.

- Like I said before: shift in behavior. Suddenly, everybody's favorite juvenile delinquent is acting like the two of you are best friends, sitting with you like it’s the most normal thing in the world for him to do and conversing/flirting with you whenever he can. He even starts following you around after school, somehow constantly running into you and almost always teasingly insisting that he goes there all the time. 

- After a while, you just start to get used to it: expect him to be there and sit with you and flirt between every other breath of his. You start to flirt back too, loosening up as you realize he isn’t out to get you and bantering with him whenever he tries to go around and tease you. 

- The two of you just start to click: your true personalities shining through and molding together far better than either of you could have ever anticipated. He surprises you with how different from your expectations he winds up being and yet, he’s everything you could have wished for and more. He feels the same way about you. 

- So it’s no surprise when he tells you that he’ll take you to that one event you’ve been gushing about whenever you see flyers for it on your daily hangouts or pass the part of town it’s being held in. And in the middle of it, when he looks at you and your excited face like you hung the moon and the stars, its no surprise when he grabs you by the face and kisses you, gentle and loving and sweet. 

- And it’s no surprise when you find yourselves unable to stop for the rest of the night, clinging to and kissing each other like two lovestruck dorks. You’re certain you’ll be that way for the rest of your lives....

- One of the best parts of dating Patrick is seeing him go from an intimidating badass to a clingy lovestruck fool who worships the ground you walk on. He might of let his more sensitive side show before the two of you started dating but nothing could have prepared you for the sheer amount of affection and devotion that pours out of him the minute he decides that he loves you. Suddenly he’s doting on you like his life depends on it: holding and touching you as much as he can and adoring every inch of you. Not to mention his infatuation with receiving the same level of affection from you. 

- That being said: he still likes to portray himself as an intimidating badass so the pda in your relationship is definitely a little varied. He almost always likes having some form of contact with you but it changes depending on your company: cycling through handholding, arms around your shoulders, tight grips on your thighs, and full on makeout sessions. When you first start hanging out, people wont be able to tell if you’re close friends, dating, just plain hooking up, being held hostage, or hiring him as your bodyguard. 

- He particularly likes kissing your neck but he tends to just kiss everywhere he can reach. Wrists, hands, shoulders, face, head, neck: everywhere. 

- Slow, soft, loving, and deep kisses: that’s a lot of adjectives but his kisses deserve and warrant them. The two of you get lost in them and he tends not to care who sees; hopefully you aren’t terribly embarrassed by your peers catching him tonguing you on the school benches since most of your kisses evolve into makeout sessions. 

- He smacked that security guards ass, you're telling me he wouldn't pat yours on occasion as well?

- That being said, on a sweeter note, he also has a habit of brushing your hair behind your ear. You both keep extra hair ties on your wrists for each other; regardless of how common it is for either of you to use them or not. 

- He typically chooses to be the big spoon when the two of you cuddle but more often than not, you just wind up in a tangle of limbs and hair. He’s a pretty big fan of cuddling so you’re found in bed together pretty often; usually with him using you as a teddy bear or doing other things....

- He likes being called “pretty boy” and I refuse to believe otherwise. 

- Speaking of terms of endearment: he tends to call you girlie and “my girl”, as well as princess, angel and a menagerie of other pet names. Sometimes he uses them just to make you roll your eyes but he doesn’t necessarily use them sarcastically: he just makes his affectionate outbursts look like jokes. 

- He likes to praise himself for you but he also just loves when you say nice things about him in general; though he takes your insults as compliments too so anything you say to him is generally appreciated regardless of it’s contents. Love language isn’t really the right way to describe it; since he partakes in pretty much every single type, but for lack of a better word, praise is a big part of his love language and it being used totally unprompted is perfectly normal for him. 

“How did I get such an amazing girlfriend?”

- That being said: gift giving is also a pretty big part of his love language; even if he doesn’t always have the money to buy you an $800 dollar guitar. He proves that much to you when you first get together and he gets you a necklace with his initial on it; or something of the sort. He was a little shy about giving it to you since you were still getting used to each other but he was fully prepared to carve your name into his chest so he was kind of just hoping you loved him as much as he loved you. 

- But money isn’t everything, especially when you frequent thrift stores! I’m not entirely sure if Patrick would have gone to them on his own but he’d definitely develop a fondness for them after being introduced to them by you. 

- Your smile is his favorite sight to see and your laughter is like music to his ears: seeing you happy makes him happy; even when he wants to be annoyed with you. It’s part of the reason why he sort of just goes along with whatever you want to do and acts like a bit of a pushover. When he really likes a girl, his reputation and machismo goes out the window: he’s willing to look a little lame if it really means something to you; even if he puts up a bit of a fight in the beginning.  

- He’ll pull out some random grand and extravagant gesture just to make you forgive him after a fight or cheer you up after a rough day, and he’ll deem any consequence that arises from it as worth it. If you asked him for a rock, he'd give you the moon and you’ll be well aware of that from the start of your relationship. 

- Speaking of his unyielding devotion: it isn’t uncommon for him to act like your knight in shining armor whenever an unfortunate situation occurs. Got stuck babysitting? Guess he’s babysitting too. Car broke down? He’s driving four hours at midnight just to come and pick you up. Left your important assignment at home? He’ll cut class just to get it for you. 

- Him cutting class is an unfortunate habit of his and more often than not, you’ll also be involved in it in one way or another: whether he’s cutting just to come and sit with you in your class, in order to walk you to your next one, or forcing you to actually cut with him. 

- Patrick getting in trouble isn’t going to go away anytime soon but he does tone it down a bit for your sake. You can’t spend a whole lot of time with him when he’s in and out of detention and all it took for him to prioritize that over being a little shit was you canceling your plans, hanging out with someone else, or telling him sadly that you really wanted to see him. The thought of it became like 80% of his impulse control whether he wants to admit it or not. 

- He genuinely gets frustrated when you don’t get to spend a lot of time with each other. He can spend days with you at a time and not get tired of it so when you have to keep cancelling plans or have your dates hijacked by friends of yours, you’ll find that he gets huffy over the fact that he can’t be alone with you. He’s not afraid to admit that he only came somewhere because he wanted to be with you or that he’s upset over the fact that you forgot you were supposed to go out with him and you find it kind of adorable. 

- It’s probably part of the reason why he’s willing to drive cross country with you in order to go see some special event that’s taking place a couple states away; or whatever other day/road trips you’d be willing to go on. It’s like micro dosing on being married to you and having you all to himself and he secretly loves it to death. 

- Random fun little dates. Going to the amusement park, the circus, bowling, laser tag, paint ball, paddle boats, etc. He loves just letting loose and having fun and though they might be slightly juvenile, you guys can put the juvenile in juvenile delinquent. 

- Friendly competitions. 

- Play wrestling. He doesn’t just let you win so I hope you’re somewhat dedicated to beating him; even if it is a losing fight. You might think you’re getting the upper hand on occasion but he almost always perseveres and wins; mainly because he was only momentarily letting you think you were getting the best of him. That being said: your dedication is probably due in part to the fact that wrestling with you gives him a bit of a hard-

- Beach dates. The place reminds him of home; his childhood home at least. 

- Movie dates. He doesn’t even mind if you want raisinets! But he does somewhat force you to hold his hand the entire time, even if it’s a little impractical whenever you want to get some popcorn, so I guess that’s how you pay him back for it. 

- Going to his favorite bars and clubs with him. If it isn’t your style than he isn’t going to force you into doing something that’s arguably not in your best interests, but he may try to “broaden your horizons” and he’s certainly always over the moon and all smiles when you decide to surprise him with your presence. 

- Dancing along to music with each other.

- Going record/CD shopping. He has a surprising affinity for oldies and every now and again, he’ll play them on the radio or on vinyl and you’ll tease him about being an old soul while he gathers you into his arms. It probably started during the time he spent with his grandfather if we’re being realistic. 

- Doing random couples crafts. I don’t even know why, I think it’s the tank top and the tied up hair combo we saw on him: it just makes me think of you guys like tie dying shirts in your backyard or doing pottery together, etc. 

- He definitely gives you his shop(?) class projects and at a certain point, begins to tailor them towards your own personal tastes. He’ll sit down beside you and act like he’s semi-disgusted by his work while he inspects it with you, nonchalantly offering you it while ignoring how it perfectly matches your room décor and acting like he’d just throw it away if you didn’t want it. 

- He definitely offers you sexual favors in exchange for you doing his school assignments or things of the sort. He also probably “taxes you” when he does favors for you: almost always asking for kisses; even though he’ll joke about “settling for them”. 

- He definitely makes jokes about your sex life to random people while you sit at his side with your face in your hands; he gets amused by their flustered reactions. It’s usually things like wiggling his eyebrows and telling your friends that you “were with him all night” when they ask where you were or turning to you and asking if you “think he has the skills of a pornstar” when someone asks about the rumors that get spread around school about him. He makes a lot of sexual remarks and innuendos in general so it’s just sort of something you’ll have to get used to. 

- Teasing and playfully bickering with each other. 

- Stealing each others fries and shooting the paper off your straws at each other when you go to fast food joints. 

- He has a slight oral fixation: almost always being caught with something in his mouth. Toothpicks, cigarettes, pens, you, gum, etc. 

- He doesn't listen or adhere to any of that “astronomy bullshit” but he suddenly acts like he’s a true supporter and believer the minute it mentions true love or points to the two of you being soulmates or something of the sort. 

- He has a shrine to you in his room; that’s the only way I can describe it. Photos of you, all of the gifts you’ve given him; no matter how small, that he cherishes, etc: it’s all there and on full display. It’s truly adorable. 

- Patrick genuinely enjoys taking care of you: like not only does he consider it his job as your boyfriend but he genuinely loves the feeling of being needed. Catching you when you fall, urging you not to do something stupid, giving you little massages, fetching things for you, etc. He’s not easily deterred or grossed out and he’s also particularly hot when he’s playing babysitter/nurse so you don’t usually mind it. 

- It might take him a little while to open up but he does enjoy telling you about himself and all of his secrets. He also likes to hear everything about you as well: what you’re thinking, your favorite childhood stories, your family life, your day to day drama, etc. He’s surprisingly good at lending you an ear and giving you advice/comforting words. You often find yourself having long and deep conversations. 

- He’s honestly more invested in your life than you are. He’s very passionate about gossiping with you and finding out about all the drama in your friend groups and family. He acts like anyone who’s wronged you personally wronged him. 

- Speaking of: he’s the kind of boyfriend who you send to talk to your friends/little siblings when they’re having a rough time and need to hear advice from someone who doesn’t particularly sugar coat things/care about hurting them. He’s very good at consoling your loved ones without fucking them: like, you never have to worry about his comforting pats on the back turning into groping.

- He also just talks to your friends in order to be better and do nice things for you. He’s an honorary member of girls night because he’s so chill and able to blend in without acting like a creep or like your boyfriend™. 

- Speaking of friends: he has that one punk friend and I think if your parents or friends are really conservative, they’d be horrified to see that you’re both dating Patrick and subsequently friends with a kid that looks like every parents worst nightmare. He’s chill though: and he’s good at passing on messages or comforting you when you’re arguing with Patrick.

- Patrick finds it really hot when you get jealous over him. He likes the feeling of you being possessive over him and wanting everybody to know that you’re an item: probably because he wants to; and already has, announced over the loudspeaker that you’re his.

- Speaking of: Patrick is a pretty jealous person but not necessarily in the way that you’d probably expect. He doesn’t mind that people find you hot and trusts that you aren’t gonna cheat on him, but he still can’t help but dislike when people show obvious interest in you or encroach upon his time with you. Most of his jealousy arises from you showing favoritism to somebody else; even if it’s purely platonic. He knows that you’re just friends but playing second fiddle to somebody else just plain irks him. 

- Considering his reputation, it’s pretty rare for anybody to mess with you. You get to turn off your brain for a while whenever you go out with him and just focus on enjoying yourself. That being said: he can turn from wild bad boy to protective father in an instant if he feels a situation calls for it. 

- The two of you don’t argue a ton; at least not seriously. You’re more likely to bicker like an old married couple than you are to have a genuine fight. Although, when you do fight, he tends to remain as calm as he can or leave for a while so he can sort himself out; occasionally making a biting comment or trying to kiss you which only winds up making things considerably worse. 

- Patrick is a man who begs and grovels and bothers you into working things out with him whenever you’re mad at him. He hates the silent treatment and borders between miserably keeping his distance and doing everything in his power to get you to talk to him; even telling people you’re sitting with to scram because you keep insisting you’re busy with them instead of speaking with him. 

- If you’re the one in the wrong, he might also give you the silent treatment; or hold a bit of a grudge, but he’s typically pretty quick to forgive you; mainly because he misses you and wants to be together again. He definitely makes you laugh and promise between kisses that you’ve both forgiven each other and that something “like this” is never gonna happen again. 

- The two of you joke around a lot when it comes to saying “I love you” but he does genuinely enjoy saying it and hearing you say it back to him. He’s kind of obsessed with it actually, and he sometimes smiles at you and says it so sincerely for no good reason at all that it genuinely makes you feel like crying; in the nicest way possible.

- Good luck getting rid of him because he’s genuinely kind of obsessed with you. He’s never really had such an honest and real connection with someone before and he’s kind of convinced that he’ll never have another one again so he’ll fight to the death to keep you by his side. So yeah, expect a ring on that finger in the future and a near perfect Aussie husband. 

[tatertato]

life series smp winners playlists part 1

okay so i've been just absolutely brainrotting over this for like weeks now and its time to finally post it!

i've basically just been compiling songs that i think fit each of the life series winners, and they're either songs i've seen work really really well in animatics already or songs that would probably work really well, but are less popular or not associated with this fandom (yet)

i'll be linking+listing them here as well as providing little snippets of explanation for why i think the song fits, but i don't feel like making actual spotify playlists or smth, so if anyone else wants to do that, be my guest.

ofc i still had trouble finding good songs for some of them- if anyone seeing this has a good idea that i missed, lmk and i'll update these posts (no promises tho)

i was originally gonna put all of them into one post, but fortunately i have come to my senses, so this is part 1. here we go!

update:

pt 2 (LL!scott)

pt 3 (DL!pearl)

3rd Life: Grian

Eighth Wonder - Lemon Demon: this song gives major Watcher!Grian vibes imo

Extra clever Earth-bound spirit Ghost in the form Of a mongoose (watcher in the form of a player)

Hello, I'm here I'm living in the wall I know I might be small (common headcanons of short grian, also living surrounded by cactus walls!)

Jim, let me go I watch like Hell (self-explanatory)

2. A Big Day for Grimley - AJJ: this one is because of this animatic, and also the lyrics fit the characters almost too well

I went back to the desert, little Midwest in me And now I am colder than I used to be (it feels like him reflecting on his experiences in 3L)

I came back to the desert, and the desert came into me And now there’s a quietness, and it’s deafening (returned to the desert for the final duel, and now that he's the only one left, the absence of his partner is deafening)

i could go on much longer about this song, but i feel like the animatic sums it up really well so GO WATCH THAT GO GO GO

3. Take Me to War - The Crane Wives: i know that everyone and their mother has done desertduo crane wives, but i've yet to see anyone use this song, which is a shame since its one of my favorites!

I've earned myself a reputation That my bark is much worse than my bite But I keep snapping at Goliath's hands With all of my tiny might (technically, he's not red, and also his traps keep failing, so the threats are pretty empty, but that will not stop him from being a menace)

Take me to war Honey, I dare you I'll be the sweetest thing To ever scare you Give me a fight I can't resist Give me something to break with my fists Take me to war Honey, I dare you (same thing as the last one, but i had to put the chorus in this post, it's just too perfect)

So I will leave it where it's standing And instead I will find me a match I'll turn it all to kindling I'll burn it all down to ash (we love a bit of arson in this fandom)

4. Community Gardens - The Scary Jokes: this is watcher!grian again, sorry not sorry- i do have a really vivid image in my head of an animatic for this song tho (the brainrot goes deep, i cannot escape)

Full disclosure, I am a monster A creature of despair, not that that should be a cause for concern (its so watcher coded im gnawing on the walls)

You'll be fine, you honeycomb Who could ever hurt you? Who could be so cold? You'll be fine, oh, honey pie Who could ever hurt you? Who could be so unkind? (ok so remember when i said i had an animatic idea about two sentences ago? ya. so i imagine this part as watcher!grian going through and causing the final deaths of all the winners (except scar we'll get there i promise) for instance, smiting scott at the end of LL, severing pearl's soulmate string in DL, and checking the time left before killing martyn in LimL)

The culmination of man's mistakes came the day The sun ran so hot, it turned the desert to glass (this is the whole "hail mary" thing where they blew up the whole desert and still didn't kill anyone)

If there's something to be learned from all these losers It's that the price that you pay For arrogance and a false sense of immunity Is to face the wrath of a dying star (false sense of immunity is scar's no kill passes, reputation points, etc., which really didn't mean all that much in the end (see: Bdubs))

5. Passerine - The Oh Hellos: aside from the obvious bird symbolism (passerine are songbirds), the overall theme of this song fits the character pretty well! (i think it could also apply to DL jimmy if you squint)

You were the song that I'd always sing You were the light that the fire would bring But I can't shake this feeling that I was only Pushing the spear into your side again (3L typical desert/light/sun/fire imagery, with a bonus helping this time of 3L typical self doubt and/or survivor's guilt! you love to see it)

My palms and fingers still reek of gasoline From throwing fuel to the fire of that Greco-Roman dream Purifying the holy rock to melt the gilded seams It don't bring me relief, no it don't bring me nothing (more arson what can i say- also the hollow existentialism that comes with killing your friends)

When he comes a knocking at my door What am I to do, What am I to do, oh lord (ok i like to imagine this line as grian realizing that scar's SL win means he goes to hang out with the winners now, meaning uhoh reunion time! that's about to be awkward!)

6. Do It All The Time - IDKHBTFM: yeah i know it doesn't seem like it fits at first, but i think parts of it captures the spontaneous silliness of 3L pretty well

No reason why I'm only doing anything I want to do Because I do it all the time We're taking over the world A little victim-less crime (making monopolies (or trying to) really just because)

Now we're so young But we're probably gonna die It's so fun We're so good at selling lies (this one's pretty on the nose, but you get the idea)

and that's all for grian! stay tuned for LL!scott next!

[hotchs-bitch]

Fluffy Feb Day 6- Coffee Order

Warnings: platonic relationship (if I had another 2k in me they would have fucked in the broom closet though), BAU reader, mentions of arson case

Pairing: Hotch x blank slate Fem!Reader (no use of y/n)

Word Count: 665

When you’re on a case, you require caffeine. It’s a plain and simple fact, akin to how oxygen is required for breathing. That means that whenever necessary, any member of the team is ready to make a pot of bitter precinct coffee that you all have to swallow down. No matter how awful it tastes, you’ve always reasoned that caffeine is caffeine.

At least, that was your reasoning until a series of arsons lands you in Kansas at a precinct with some of the worst coffee you’ve ever tasted in your life. “It’s like drinking tar,” you had complained to Emily on the first day, your voice lowered so as not to insult any LEOs. 

She had smirked at you and tipped her mug in your direction. “Tar tastes better than this,” she joked, and that was the end of the conversation.

For all your work in body language and human behaviour, you don’t work hard to have a poker face when it seems like no one is watching. The next few days contain countless cups of coffee lifted to your lips, each swig followed by a grimace. How can the officers stomach this stuff?

You don’t figure it out. On day four, you’re at the precinct with Spencer going over the geographical profile to work in the location of the newest fire while everyone else is spread between the morgue and the crime scenes. Your colleague is stirring his tea, mumbling something under his breath about equidistance while you scroll through police reports of interest that Garcia has sent your way.

“How is it going?” Hotch’s voice enters the room before he does, commanding attention before his presence can. When he steps through the doorway, your mouth waters at the sight of the Starbucks cup clutched in his left hand.

“It’s going well, actually. We found two points of intersection between the fires that could be a potential hideout or location of significance to our unsub, and if we cross-reference that with our profile…” You love Spencer, but you’ve been stuck in this room with him for two out of the four days you’ve been in this city and you’re half a ramble away from losing your mind, so you close your eyes and try to tune him out momentarily.

They don’t reopen until Spencer has fallen silent and Hotch speaks up to ask him a question. The Starbucks cup is sitting on the table in front of you now, your precinct mug nowhere to be seen. ‘Aaron’ is scrawled on the cup, but familiar handwriting has drawn a neat line through that and written your name underneath.

You’re hesitant, but Hotch catches your eye and gives you a nod midsentence so you reach out to wrap a hand around the cup. It’s warm, the perfect temperature for a Wichita November drink.

When you take the first sip, you tip your head back and allow the flavour of the coffee to sit on your tongue. It’s the same thing you order every time someone goes on a real coffee run, but Hotch is never the person collecting that information. How did he know?

 Paying no heed to the conversation between the two men, you butt in with one hand raising the coffee. “You didn’t have to do this, Hotch. How much do I owe you?”

He shakes his head, sparing you a quick glance. Hotch never looks at you for longer than a moment at a time; as far as the members of his team go, you’ve been operating under the assumption that you fly under his radar for the most part.

Apparently, that’s not true. “Nothing. I can’t have one of my best agents drinking tar on the field, can I?” He shoots you a wink that’s just between the two of you, completely missed by Spencer as the younger agent turns back toward his profile.

In turn, you smile at him and bring the cup to your lips. Under his radar, indeed.

Fluffy Feb masterlist | < Prev Day | Next Day >

Fluffy Feb tags: @doctorsteths-fluffyfeb @iammirrorball @hausofwhores @allthefandomstogether @myweepingangel @hotched @spacecowboyhotch @chibsytelford @honeybrowne @formulapierre (send me a dm or ask to be tagged!)

[carefulfears]

Yes! It’s especially insane with Phoebe bc like the show goes out of it’s way to explicitly show how fucked up she was idk how people forget it

yep yep yep!! it's quite literally the entire point of the episode. but i still see people all the time like...calling mulder stupid for "trusting" her and making jokes about the way he behaves around her and it's just like...please don't piss me off. same exact thing with diana.

fire is one of my favorite episodes though i think it's such an interesting look at mulder's character and example of the ways that he views and interacts with people close to him

because he understands and acknowledges from the very beginning that phoebe's just there to fuck with him, that she made the trip from boston to DC to bring him in on the investigation for no reason other than knowing that it will scare him

he knows what she’s doing, and he still agrees to help her

his only concession being that scully not be involved

noting that he's not going to "put her through" phoebe's games

this is something that we've seen him do before, with his former partner jerry earlier in season one, who broke into his office and stole his work.

it's clear throughout ghost in the machine that mulder isn't comfortable working with him, but helps him anyway because jerry asked him to

and builds him up when jerry is feeling insecure

he infamously does it again with diana, always affording her the benefit of the doubt and defending her

and with his parents, consistently coming whenever they call, despite all of their lies and neglect

(side note from pulling ghost in the machine caps but his ties in this ep are soooo classic baby spooky i miss s1 soooo much)

anyway, this is the dynamic that fire circles around, and the only time in the episode that mulder pushes back against phoebe is when he cracks this joke about having a "refined technique" with women who cheat

which he apologizes for instantly, recognizing that it upset her

fire is also one of the best portrayals of the true sign of a toxic/abusive relationship: not realizing anything is wrong with it until you tell your best friend

i see criticism of this episode sometimes that interprets it as glorifying phoebe, portraying her as sexy and her behavior as righteous, but i disagree.

i don't think that you can base the episode's stance on phoebe on mulder's behavior, he's responding to her through a very warped and controlled lens. just because he views her in a positive light, doesn't mean that we should as the audience.

whereas, scully is immediately wary of phoebe and critical of her, even before knowing the context for her actions.

this shot is my favorite lmao. she is contemplating murder. she is wondering if she could get away with it.

her lil passive aggressive "bye bitch" finger wave

her "mmmmyeah sure sherlock"

her watchful eye as she hangs in the doorway while mulder and phoebe meet with the arson specialist

she literally sits at his desk in his chair and waits for him just to make this sherlock holmes joke 😭😭😭 they are BEST friends

now, this is when she finds out the true history with phoebe, and the reason behind her visit. and it's when mulder tells her that she's off the case.

and from that point, scully starts investigating the murders herself, consulting her own sources to put together her own theories

while these two do absolutely fuck all

she shows up uninvited at the event in boston, having SOLVED THE CASE HER-FUCKING-SELF

and she's the only one who gives a fuck when mulder gets hurt

while phoebe shakes hands and schmoozes at the party

sweetie pie making sure her partner gets some water and some rest

now, dana 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

after making sure mulder is okay (and getting a peek at him shirtless) she shows him the evidence that she found, telling him that she just "didn't know a whole lot about arson" so took the opportunity to do some research "for my own edification, of course" GIRLLLLL

and they identify the groundskeeper as the murderer based on the information that she gathered

the face of a woman who single-handedly solved a string of serial murders to get her best friend's bitch of an ex away from him. she is truly an inspiration to us all.

and she has 1 more sherlock holmes joke in her.

so, anyway, mulder is visibly uncomfortable around phoebe from the start, and this is something that scully picks up on immediately, even before being told any information about phoebe or her motives

and this is an ongoing theme from the very beginning, as mulder is generally unaggressive and compassionate to a fault, leaving scully feeling a responsibility to be conscious and wary of their surroundings.

scully isn't being jealous towards phoebe, just like she isn't "taking things personally" with diana. she understands this about mulder and how exploitable it is, and she's fiercely protective of both him and the kindhearted qualities that leave him vulnerable to these situations

anyway TLDR let me see any of you call either of them stupid again

[bracketsoffear]

Tyler Durden (Fight Club) "Tyler Durden uses his charisma to create a cult of personality built on bitterness surrounding masculinity. He takes a group of men and breaks them down, telling them, "You're not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We're all part of the same compost heap. We're all singing, all dancing crap of the world." He also has the men beat each other bloody in underground fights.

He inflicts a chemical burn on each new member of the Fight Club, even himself, and he sends the men out to cause destruction in the community. They perform "harmless" "pranks" like vandalizing statues, damaging cars, destroying every VHS in a store, and threatening to kill people with unloaded guns and then stealing their licenses. By the end of the story he plans to blow up several skyscrapers. Tyler claims to have a philosophy but its all just reckless violence to express fear and hate.

You also get quotes like, "I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe smoke."

Video CW: Violence, blood, smoking

Arthur Lester (Malevolent) "Arthur destroys everything he touches. Any time he creates a positive relationship or friendship, he inevitably burns the bridge down or the person dies. His parents killed themselves when he was a child, he chose to leave his wife as she was giving birth only for her to die in child birth, he ruined the friendships he built with others due to his own choices, due to his own negligence his daughter drowns as a child, and when he finally finds a stable work partner and friend, his body is used to kill him. Wherever Arthur goes, people die. Sometimes he kills them and sometimes it's just because they're collateral damage. He also commits some arson, but most of his Desolation traits are more with the total destruction of himself and everyone around him. He also always carries a lighter. Malevolent fans regularly joke that Arthur Lester is the ultimate Desolation avatar."

[lordrethandus]

Daily Writing Challenge November 2023 Day 2

Success / Sin ( @daily-writing-challenge @kthalentia )

World: Final Fantasy 14

Theme: Steven Lynn - Main Theme

U'tova and Aurant had camped out on this cliff for half a dozen bells, waiting for the searing Thanalan sun to stop pounding on the badlands and disappear beneath the horizon to rest. As the sun dropped, so too did the temperature, with the sweltering heat giving way to the bitter cold. Why anyone would willingly live in such an extreme place is something the Ishgardian could never understand– but to Tova, this place was home.

Aurant had spent his nights in the warmth of seedy taverns that he never learned the golden rule of Thanalan, but he was learning it now. The night chill cut through his light clothes like a hot knife through butter, and it was particularly windy all the way up here from their vantage point. U’tova, on the other hand, simply draped her tail over her legs to block out the wind, with a collar stuffed with chocobo down to keep the cold from creeping down her neck. Her green gaze held a golden glow in the dark, allowing her to see much farther than the Elezen could– even if wasn’t missing an eye. With just a smidgen of moonlight her vision was sharper now than it was midday, and making her the perfect candidate for this trial.

“I see someone…” She whispered, catching his attention. He shuffled forward on the ground to lay beside her, but he couldn’t see anything himself. 

“Describe them.”

“Short black hair. Hyur. Kind of stocky.”

“Scar on his face?”

U’tova inhaled sharply as she focused. He was walking with a chocobo behind him but he turned at just the right angle all the same. “Starts near his lips and goes all the way past his ear.”

“That’s Tigrund Waterstep all right.” Aurant glanced over at the Miqo’te beside him, almost tempted to ask if he could use her tail to help fight off this brutal wind. “Be a dear and take the shot, won’t you? And avoid a headshot… or he won’t be recognizable.” U’tova clenched her jaw as she prepared to take his life. She pulled back the bolt and slid the round into the chamber, flicked the safety of her rifle off, pressed it against her shoulder and took aim.

“Wait…” She muttered, feeling her heart run cold. Behind Tigrund atop of the chocobo was another person– this one considerably smaller. “There’s a child with him… a boy…”

“Don’t shoot the boy. Old Tigrund is the only one that needs to taste some dust tonight.” Aurant replied, seemingly trying to half-bury himself in the warm dirt. She couldn’t tell if he was serious or if this was more of his dry Ishgardian wit, but if he was joking he would usually admit it shortly after. “Tova…? You have a clear shot, don’t you?”

“I do but…-” 

“Tigrund is a Black Adder. Wanted for armed robbery, murder, arson, and kidnapping.” He even consulted the bounty note he was using to help warm up his chest. “He helped kill a lot of good people and he’s part of the reason why I have to wear an eye-patch. The bounty on his head is fifty million.” He paused to let that sink in– if only for a moment. “You wanted to join us… this is what we do. We kill Black Adders and turn in their corpses for gil. If anything you’ll be doing the boy a favor by getting that monster of a father out of his life so get your smallclothes untwisted and take the bloody shot!”

U’tova could feel her heart racing– all she could think about was the devastation that boy would endure. Someone killed her mother in a similar fashion, cut down in front of her adoring husband and seven summer old daughter; setting both on a course from which they could not veer from. Yet her mother was not a criminal. She wasn’t wanted for murder, for kidnapping, for armed robbery– none of it. She was just a humble merchant madly in love with a cranky gunsmith.

Her mouth was dry when she took aim. Her ears flattened against her head to help block out the sound, and she closed an eye to better line up the shot without distractions. All it took was a gentle squeeze of the trigger and a handful of heartbeats.

BLAM! 

A cup of dust kicked up from the other side of the man, with the startled chocobo flailing from the sudden sound echoing down the valley. Tigrund took three shaky steps forward as he rubbed at his chest, but he didn’t even have time to look down at the blood soaking his fingers before he collapsed into the dirt.

“Papa…?” The boy asked after getting the bird under control. He jumped off the saddle and ran toward his father, still in shock over what just happened. “Papa…?! PAPA!”

“A clean hit.” Aurant sighed, before pushing himself up to his feet. “Stay here… I’ll get the body.”

And a clean hit it certainly was. The bullet vaporized his heart and took him out before he could even feel a thing… which is far and above a better death than most of the victims of his crime sprees got. U’tova lowered the rifle and watched the boy try to shake his father like he had fallen asleep, but she didn’t say a thing back to the Ishgardian. There was nothing for her to say, really.

[beetlebug-bii]

Heya, first of all im sorry for that terrible joke i made in the comment section xD

I'd like to request a Solomon x Reader

I'm a sucker for him and can't find good ffs or more like not much of him TT

Scenario:

Song to listen to if you want too

( hammock - then the quiet explosion)

So I've been thinking of a scenario where MC is kind of annoyed from the brothers always near them and clinging on them, so that they have no privacy.

Solomon ( who has a crush on them) sees that the reader is exhausted and takes her to a quiet place to rest with him ( the rest is your imagination)

I loved the joke so much lmaooo

Alright this is my first one in a long while so please cut me some slack! I did my very best so I hope you like it! O7

How To Cure Depression (Solomon x GN!Reader)

You

Cannot 

Be

Serious

This is the third time this week

THE THIRD TIME THAT YOU HAVE WALKED INTO YOUR OWN ROOM TO HAVE IT BE IN SHAMBLES 

IT IS TUESDAY!?!?

HOW IN THE WORLD

IN A HOUSE THIS BIG

IS YOUR ROOM ALWAYS THE CENTER OF ATTENTION 

OH THATS RIGHT

BECAUSE EVERYONE WHO LIVES HERE BREAKS IN

AND THEY START FIGHTS WHEN SOMEONE ELSE DOES THE SAME THING

You just

Cant

Take it anymore

Lucifer is always critiquing your organization and how clean the room is

Mammon is always stealing your stuff

Levi and Satan are judging your interests all. the. time.

Asmo steals your clothes for selfies

Beel gets food on the floor

and Belphie messes up your bed at least six times a day

Why do they always have to do this

They have their own rooms

Why cant you?

you are so sick of cleaning up after their mess

so tired of always having to mediate fights

and that's why you're here you suppose

You couldn't even handle being in the house to listen to their excuses anymore

So you came here

The courtyard of the Royal Academy of Diavolo

It's the only place you can even feel like you can breathe right now, and even now you're struggling to keep the tears in

You close your eyes and take a breath, your head resting on your knees

Theres a nice breeze today…

It smells like flowers almost…

You can feel the sun shining on your skin too…its so warm…you missed that feeling…

Wait a second

aren't you underground right now?

Why is there a breeze??? Even if there was a breeze, why does it smell like flowers?? 

And there definitely shouldn't be a sunlight feeling??

Finally taking a moment to look up, you lock eyes with the one and only shady wizard 

You almost want to sigh

There goes peace…goodbye peace…you will be missed…

But the way he's looking at you is…different

He's missing his signature smirk that always seems to be plastered on his face

Instead it's been replaced with something slightly softer…kind…

"Hey" he took a few steps forward

Leaning down next to you, and wiping a teardrop from your cheek

"...hey…" you said back, still unsure

Solomon sits beside you, leaning against the large stone wall hiding you from the rest of the world

"What happened?"

And with that

You broke

You cried on and on and on

Sobbing about how overwhelmed you were, how nothing you did was good enough, how exhausted you were all the time

You really hadn't meant to

But by the end you were just a bundle of tears

You were expecting a comment on how small your problems were

or maybe even a laugh because what did you expect? They ARE demons after all…

What you weren't expecting

Was Solomon gently taking your hand

And whispering a slight follow me

Gently he led you deeper within the courtyard, getting ever so slightly lost between the hedges

"Close your eyes" he said, with a slight smirk

and in that moment you werent sure if you should trust him

On one hand, he has yet to bully you

On the other, you might commit homicide if he starts now

You sigh and close your eyes

After a few moments of absolutely nothing happening you open them

And poof the wizard is gone

Are

You

Serious

He led you into what is basically a hedgemaze and then left!?

You huff, more annoyed now than you were before

You could go commit arson

You could ask diavolo so politely

He would probably say yes ri-

AAAAAAAA

you let out a short scream as a hand shoots out from within one of the hedges

You can hear Solomon laugh slightly from inside 

oh you motherfu-

The hand grabs you and pulls you in

After being yanked through the bushes, you find yourself in a small cove…

Flowers filled the ground, and the grass was so soft….and there was sunlight- how?

"Where…" you whispered, still a bit awestruck 

A place like this definitely shouldn't exist in the devildom…

"This is a little piece of home" Solomon explained, while taking a seat on the soft ground, "I made it with an illusion spell of sorts…I come here when things get difficult" 

You gently sat next to Solomon 

Taking it all in

Who knew the shady wizard had a soft side…

Solomon pulled your head down to his lap, one hand gently running through your hair while the other pulled out a book

He softly began to read

"I don't trust stairs…they are always up to something"

…huh

"Where do ghosts become pilots?...fright school"

…no

"Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It was feeling crumby"

…you were going to kill him

…but maybe later

You laughed and gently swatted Solomon's book of "1000 dad jokes to cheer up people with depression"

How sweet of him

Solomon laughed and poked at your cheeks

you really were beautiful when you smiled

Not that he could say that of course

…not yet

He wanted to savor this moment by your side for just a bit longer

Just the two of you

Safe in your little bubble

Away from the rest of the world

Solomon gently pet your hair until you fell asleep

Watching with a gentle smile

Before placing a small kiss on your forehead

He would give the brothers a piece of his mind later

[the-kingshound]

Well how can I say no to this??

Idk I y’all notice but Morien and I have the same love language: gifts. So this whole cane thing is actually really fun.

This IS an Arthurian IF so of course there has to be a dragon cane! I can actually see the MC gifting this to Morien (Kal let me give this to them I wanna spoil them so bad).

This is a flask cane. Yes you read that right, a flask cane. I know Morien has a little bit of a problem with alcohol but… listen I saw it and thought “perfect for my baby” you CANNOT tell me they already don’t have a cane like this. With time they can change it to poison instead of alcohol, ✨character growth✨

What time is it? Is appreciation Morien time ❤️ with this cane they can be petty in meetings and do the 🕰👀🤨🙄 face when someone is taking forever.

I- LISTEN I NEVER SAID I WAS A GOOD INFLUENCE. Morien deserves a smoke break from time to time ok 😭🖐 but wait… how are they gonna light up the cigarette??

Boom, lighter cane. Perfect for smoking (or arson, but that ain’t my business what Morien does with the cane 👀)

“Wait, what are those two idiot soldiers doing over there? Ugh I have to walk all the way over there to see if I have to beat their asses” WORRY NOT MY LOVE, WITH THIS CANE YOU DONT HAVE TO MOVE. Can watch all the tea from a distance 💅 (and have a closer look at certain people that are training, wink wink).

This has to be the coolest cane ever. ITS A VIOLIN CANE! This thing costs almost 20K $ by the way. Still so cool. Imagine Morien pulling up to a fancy ball with this. Also a good torture method 👀

TIME FOR THE CANES!

You are spoiling the grumpy physician, I see... I love the most decorative ones, Morien would use them to parade in the nobles' and soldiers' faces. (You know, because it makes them cool and weird and terrifying). The first one in particular is so in character!

And the clock cane is insanely useful for Morien to pull their grumpy face when someone is wasting their precious time!

The flask cane is something Morien already has (jokes on anyone who thought the contrary), but they hide it and use it rarely because they know Yniol will find a way to take it away from them.

STOP GIVING MORIEN VICES OMG COVA-

Lighter cane would probably be used for arson, so when the property or bed or room of a certain person goes in flames you will be the one to blame...

And the violin cane (which is so cool btw!) Would likewise be used for specific purpose of annoying someone to death because Morien is such a petty bitch.

Lastly, the spyglass cane. Morien would be so happy to have that. It lets them see everything without moving too much, it lets them supervise the recruits like a scarecrow to see they don't stupidly injure themselves and, certainly, it can be used to ogle a certain someone while in training... maybe half dresses... making use of those powerful muscles...👀

[squishmallow36]

It's all I wish to hear tonight, and you're all I wish to be, and this is how we all fall down - Chapter Three

Summary: Garvarioli but it's Alvar's character arc in Flashback and Legacy. Also please send help I accidentally made a character arc out of disconnected oneshots.

Word Count: 3040

TW: swearing, Alvar's troll goop illness, death

Taglist (lmk if you want to be added/removed!): @stellar-lune @faggot-friday @kamikothe1and0lny @nyxpixels @florida-preposterously @poppinspop @uni-seahorse-572 @solreefs @remember-me-in-another-time @rusted-phone-calls @when-wax-wings-melt @good-old-fashioned-lover-boy7 @dexter-dizzknees @abubble125 @hi-imgrapes @callum-hunt-is-bisexual @xanadaus @callas-pancake-tree @hi-my-name-is-awesome @katniss-elizabeth-chase @arson-anarchy-death @dizzeners @thefoxysnake @olivedumdum

And bonus Garvar tags: @tw-5 @camelspit

On Ao3 (users only because, you know, AI) or below the cut

Previous chapter :) in case you missed it

    Garwin stares up at his ceiling, watching the fan slowly rotate around. Yes, he gets blinded by the light being on at the center, but that’s preferable to reloading his Imparter screen every two seconds for an update from Alvar.

    No less than three hours ago, he got summoned by Fintan, and the last time he was gone this long, he brought back a kid. That better not happen again. 

    Garwin doesn’t have the patience to deal with a child. Or Ruy. It’s basically the same thing, but at least Ruy can scavenge for his own meals most of the time. 

    He may have developed an unhealthy habit of going to the Forbidden Cities and flexing his extensive Spanish vocabulary at least three times a week, but, hey, at least he brings food home most of the time, so Garwin can’t complain. 

    How he’s able to get food with an addler on is also questionable. As is how he acquired human money to pay for it, cause it sure as hell ain’t coming from Garwin’s extremely broke bank accounts. 

    With that thought, the sound of a correct Duolingo answer echoes through the silent room. However annoying it may be, it keeps Ruy entertained, so, once again, Garwin can’t complain. 

    But sometimes he does anyway. 

    “Have you lost your headphones again?”

    “No. I know right where they are. I just can’t move to get them with someone laying on top of me.”

    That is a valid point, which is why it should be ignored at all costs. 

    “Oh no! Whomever could that be?” Garwin asks, shifting to his side to snuggle in closer. And stare at Ruy. Both things that are very important to do. 

    He’s so pretty. 

    Garwin may very well have dozed off much to Ruy’s dismay, because the next thing he knows, the orange light of sunset is shimmering through the windows. 

    Ruy and Alvar are deep in conversation, speaking in low voices presumably not to disturb him.  

    Ruy ruffles his hair. “Good evening, mi corazón.”  

    Garwin yawns. “What did I miss?”  

    Alvar opens his mouth to explain, but Ruy beats him to it. “Your boyfriend told Finny about his batshit amnesia plan.”

    “Oh, he’s my boyfriend now? Why do I always have to deal with him when he’s being an idiot?”

    “Because you didn’t get accepted to Yale.” Ruy presses a kiss to Garwin’s temple. 

    Garwin rolls his eyes. The first time it was funny. The 8123rd time? Significantly less so. Half of those were his own self-deprecating jokes, so he does share some of the blame, but that’s less satisfying than projecting his problems onto everyone else. 

    Garwin looks at Alvar. “You do realize this is a really, really fucking bad idea, right?”

    “Alden’s hiding something. Unless you have a better plan, I’ve had more than enough of that man’s bullshit. Whatever the ‘Vacker Legacy’ entails, I’m sure it’s going to be messy, and I think the trade off is more than worth it.”

    “What if you’re fucked up irreparably? What if something goes wrong with your memories?”

    “Bold of you to assume I’m not already fucked up irreparably, and, well, I fell in love with y’all the first time. I’ll do it again if I have to.”

    That’s the exact kind of answer Garwin was hoping he wasn’t going to answer. 

    That’s the exact kind of answer that isn’t going to take any form of criticism. And once Alvar has his mind set on something, it might be possible to stop him, but Garwin hasn’t figured out how yet and it’s unlikely he ever will. 

    Garwin looks at Ruy. “Bitch, I don’t know.”

    Ruy stres into his soul, betrayal etched into every line. “Dude. You were supposed to fix him. Fix him. Make him, I don’t know, not an idiot?”

    “What do you want me to do? I can’t convince him to do shit. I can’t even convince him to give me the fucking remote.”

    This is a real, actual issue Garwin has to go through every single day. He suffers so much for it. He’s the human here, and it’s not like any of the intelligent species produce their own TV shows or movies or whatever. He’s the only one with any personal experience watching human media his entire life, and yet that isn’t enough to dictate what is and is not watched. 

    “Well, to be fair, your taste in movies is horrendous.”

    “That’s not fair. That’s not fucking fair at all. And now out of spite I am going to leave you two to your own devices.”

    He could choose to worry about Alvar, but worrying won’t accomplish anything. So might as well go along with his dumb shit because then at least you can have an idea of what he’s doing. 

    Then when he realizes he’s bad at making life choices, you can tell him I told you so.

    And then you’re the moral high ground. 

    …At least until you do something stupid. And so the cycle continues. 

   The first week without him, it’s just like he’s on a normal Neverseen mission. Well, at least normal in comparison to other things they’ve done. 

    Gisela took over again, Sophie and co. fucked up Atlantis. The usual. Actually, technically, Ruy undid the force fields and Sophie found a hydrokinetic friend to just like. Hold the water in place. Because that makes logical sense. Fluid physics definitely works like that. But Garwin chooses to blame Sophie because he can. 

    One of the very few times Garwin wishes there was some form of news or social media in the cities is when Alvar is found by the Bullshit and promptly scheduled for a tribunal. You know, completely normal shit.

    It’s ruled that he’s going to get to go back to Everglen. Which was the goal. So that is a good thing. Even if Garwin isn’t too excited about it because Fitz is probably going to slit Alvar’s throat in his sleep. 

    Why are the elves so pretentious that they have to name their houses? Eh, whatever. It’s probably more effort to ask than it’s worth.

   At least it’ll be fun watching Mr. Golden Boy Vackerpants getting himself banished again or Exiled. Unmapped stars, that would be so fucking hilarious. 

    The real trouble with Alvar being gone is that it keeps going for literal fucking months on end. 

    Him moving in got postponed because Umber needed to practice with their shadowflux bending with actual people and, well, Sophie and Fitz were good targets. At least it can still be on schedule for the Lunar festival thing that happens during the lunar eclipse.  

    Ruy definitely didn’t have lasting damage from seeing that. Definitely. If elves are supposed to break when they see blood and/or gore, he should be so far gone he doesn’t know where he started, but maybe he’s just cool like that. Or the exilium training did that. Or the Neverseen has made him desensitized to things. 

    Or watching Sharknado every time Garwin manages to claim the remote…maybe Alvar and Ruy have a point about his choice in media to consume.

    Nah. They just don’t understand the concept of so-bad-it’s-funny. 

    The Second One--no, seriously, that’s the subtitle--in all of its horrific magnificence comes out while Alvar is notably still absent, and while it may be sacrilege to watch it without him, the sharknado is too strong and Garwin is too weak to resist temptation.    

    The Celestial Festival finally comes on October seventh and eighth because nights do that sometimes so long as google is to be trusted to know what day it is. 

    But what happens during the Celestial Festival is nowhere near according to plan, instead being filled with fucked up troll babies. 

    Garwin is assigned the job of floating around in the crowd at the festival itself because he’s a useless pathetic human, so he gets the privilege of watching both of his boyfriends risk their lives in glorious technicolor. 

    Ruy escapes unharmed aside from a bit of splatter from Umber and a shit ton of inevitable nightmares, but Alvar is another story. 

    In all of the chaos, his memories are returned, so he’s left to figure all that shit on his own while avoiding mutant trolls, both the newly hatched ones and the ones named Fitz. 

    And it turns out, the one named Fitz is the one to watch out for. Who would have thought? This would have been a great time for an I told you so if it wasn’t so fucking terrifying. 

    Garwin starts praying to every single god he can think of, from human ones to the entire fucking troll pantheon and even Ogdy of the gnomes because apparently they have their own tree god thing, not just the magic four seasons tree thing. 

    If there’s such a being that can control the fate of the universe like that, he hopes it has a sense of humor because that’s the only way out of this. 

    He ignores Gisela’s screeching and leaps to Candleshade--their pre-discussed meeting place should shit go down--because shit has most certainly gone down and begins pacing. It’s not long before Ruy arrives, but it could’ve been hours for how long it felt. 

    Hours feel like years until the first rays of dawn begin flickering across the horizon and a troll goopy Alvar-shaped mound shambles toward them. 

    Garwin won’t admit it, but tears escape his eyes when he sees Alvar and tackles him in a hug that probably was a bad idea in hindsight. 

    A shower and a hot meal can do a lot to revitalize a person. That being said, the hot meal is Kraft mac and cheese, so it’s not exactly the most homecooked of meals, but it's better than burning a kitchen down. Even if Keefe would absolutely fucking love seeing its childhood home burned to the ground, it’s much more fun when the arson is intentional. 

    There’s no way to tell how bad the reaction from the Neverseen will be or if they’re even technically members anymore after everything that’s gone down. So, being the semi-responsible one of them by comparison, Ruy figures they should stock up on food, and that means human food because the gnomes are still pissed about the whole attempted genocide thing.

    Which, in all fairness, does make sense. 

    While he’s gone, Garwin and Alvar make themselves at home by borrowing into one of the bedrooms, becoming so blanket burritoed it’s likely they’ll never be seen again. 

    Garwin cups his hand to Alvar’s cheek, whispering, “I’m glad you’re not dead.”

    Alvar presses a soft kiss to his lips. “Thanks.”

    Normally he’d be full of sarcasm, but this time it’s genuine and that scares Garwin more than he’d like to admit. 

    Because once the sardonic walls are gone, then actual emotions may have to be accessed, and that’s not fun. 

    “How are you doing? Considering everything?”

    “Great.”

    He’s fine. That means he’s fine. 

    It’s easier thought than believed though. 

    Alvar elaborates, “I mean I couldn’t really figure out why my brother hated my guts so much the entire time I had zero memories or why the fuck Darek was so hot because apparently I forgot gay was an option.”

    Garwin laughs, remembering the near-fistfight that ensued between Ruy and Alvar over which of the councillors is most fuckable and let’s just say it became a forbidden topic. And also good motivation for taking the government down because they aren’t fucksble until that stupid no relationships rule is abolished. 

    Well, technically, nothing happens so long as you don’t get caught, but that’s beside the point. 

    And for the record, Darek’s the hot one. Ruy can suck Terik’s dick but that doesn’t change the truth. 

    “Lots of confusion overall. Still trying to put the pieces back together because they are nowhere near chronological order. Also feeling a lot of emotions in this Chili’s tonight and it’s been a while since I’ve had emotions so I’m still trying to deal with that.”

    “Would you like me to go harass some other room in this place?”        

    “No!” he answers, too loud and too fast, terror shining in his eyes. 

    Garwin takes his hand, squeezing gently. 

   Alvar takes a shaky breath. “Don’t leave me alone. I don’t want--I can’t think about being in that place again. You’re a good distraction.”

    “Everglen or the Troll hive?”

    “Yes.” Alvar smirks. “Both of them have my murderous little brother, so is there really that much of a difference? Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of him for willing to do what needs to be done, but that anger can be aimed in a better direction.”

    “I feel like it would be funny if you were like ‘I lived, bitch’ and then sent him ideas of how to be more of an anarchist.”

   Alvar smiles--the first since his return. “Hey, Fitz, I know you tried to kill me but here’s a to-do list. One: realize like half your anger is just repressed queerness and you’re pissed because I have two whole boyfriends and you’ve got that probably comphet whatever the fuck is going on with Sophie. Two: fuck up that matchmaking system because damn the eugenics are strong with this one. Three: figure out how to ask out that Dex kid you were so insistent about for reasons likely related to item one. Four: profit.”

    “Is the Dex kid the strawberry blond that’s for some reason friends with the Sophie?”

    “Good job, you remembered one person’s name. I’m proud of you.”

    He’s only at three-quarters the normal sarcasm level, which is, once again, honest-to-god terrifying. 

    He just needs time. Everything will be fine. He’s had a long day. He’ll be his usual asshole self in no time. 

    It’s just hard to not worry when he’s been gone for so incredibly fucking long. 

    What if something during that time has messed him up? He doesn’t seem to care that his brother literally tried to kill him, but what if he’s simply in denial? What will it be like when it becomes real?

    What if Alden’s presence made him regress back into the closet? Nah. He seems just as gay as ever. That’s the only thing Garwin has any confidence in. 

    What about the council? They kept him in their prison for weeks on end and there’s no telling how many violations of the Geneva convention they could’ve committed, even despite the elves’ supposed inability to process violence. 

    Those councillors could’ve just wiped their own memories afterwards, and no one would be the wiser. Or used Goblins. And if Alvar chose to come forward about it--which seems unlikely now that he has his memories, he’d instead use it as fuel for his villain backstory--it would be his word against theirs, a surefire way to lose a legal battle. 

    “Hey, don’t hurt yourself. Think any harder and you might have smoke coming out your ears.”

    See? Right there? He’s fine. But, once again, easier thought than believed. 

    He was fine after Dimitar’s torture, he’ll be fine after this. That’s what Garwin has to convince himself. Because he can’t let himself imagine what it means otherwise.

    Alvar drifts off to sleep, and Garwin spends a long time studying his face, etching every last detail into his mind. His long eyelashes, his unusually unkempt hair, the stubble that’s just barely starting to make itself visible. His shamkniv scars. 

    He’s been through more shit than elves are supposed to be able to go through, but he’s still here. 

    And the cherry on top: he’s still an ass. 

    He is all right, at first. He’s all right for weeks. Some may argue that he’s even more insufferable than usual, but that could just be because both Ruy and Alvar became used to not having to deal with his snark every day. 

    Although, to be fair, they have had to tolerate each other, so it wasn’t that much of a break. It’s just funny when Alvar drops some deranged bullshit that’s a direct consequence of growing up with Alden. Like his stories of traveling in the human world. Man’s a fucking professional con artist to feed his caffeine addiction. 

    And then he starts to slow down, unnoticeably at first but accelerating faster than anyone would like to admit, taking more time to climb up the stars, his appetite going to shit, having a normal sleep schedule for once in his life. The occasional nap. 

    Garwin can see in Ruy’s eyes that he’s noticed the same things, but maybe if they don’t talk about it, it doesn’t exist.

    By the time Sophie and Keefe come crashing over to look for god knows what, Alvar is barely strong enough to light leap. How he doesn’t completely fade away is anyone’s guess. 

     Garwin wishes he could just duct tape all of Alvar’s particles-cells-molecules-quarks together, but apparently that’s not how that works. Also duct tape probably wouldn’t be a safe choice for keeping an organic lifeform’s parts together, but that’s less of a concern. 

    And they’ve all simply agreed to not talk about it via the lack of talking about it because they’re all firmly in the first stage of grief and not going anywhere anytime soon. 

    To someone who hasn’t gone through losing a whole ton of people in his life, Garwin can’t help but draw parallels to when his grandfather passed away about a year before he came to the lost cities. 

    Three weeks in the hospital. 

    The day-to-day details are fuzzy, even having hope most of the time, unlike with Alvar. But Garwin never went to see his grandfather. His parents wanted to protect him or something. But that’s a luxury he can’t afford this time, watching Alvar slowly decay like a zombie in front of his eyes. 

    There has to be a cure or a treatment or something we can do. This is elvin medicine for fuck’s sake! They always advertize how advanced they are compared to humans, but they can’t fucking fix this so what’s the point? 

    I’d give anything for him to be alright. I don’t care what it takes. 

    I got a lot of people I can blame. 

    And Sophie, you better believe you aren’t going to fucking take anything else from me. 

[ourladyofmaplemurder]

So, I loved the finale...BUT! Hear me out.

Jason walking Betty through her last day instead of Narrator Jughead.

Betty dies in her sleep and wakes up to find Jason Blossom standing at her bedside. He smiles.

"Jason--? But you're..."

"Yes, Betty. And so are you."

He takes her back to Riverdale, to the past. Part of me wants it to be more like Our Town where Betty can't change anything because I love the pain of her having to watch herself live normally when she knows, in death, that didn't (and couldn't) appreciate what she had when she had it. But her sort of straddling the line between being there and this being nothing more than a memory is fine too. I'm not super picky about that.

Much of it plays out the same with her seeing all of her friends and remembering what became of them.

However, when we get to Cheryl, Jason talks a little bit about how much he loves her. He tells Betty how proud he is of her. As an addition to Cheryl's story, Jason tells Betty that she still carried out the occasional arson when the mood called for it.

"And what about Toni?"

Jason winks.

"Well, who do you think drove the getaway car...or motorcycle?"

"They were always a pair, weren't they?" Betty muses.

"Sometimes change means burning everything down and starting over. Cher Cher has always understood that, but she hasn't always known how to rebuild, not really. Thankfully, she has Toni and always will."

Betty then asks,

"Why didn't you come back? When Angel Tabitha brought us here?"

Jason chuckles.

"Well, Betty. I did die twice, you know. Not to mention being sacrificed to Moloch. Let's just say, I've been otherwise engaged. But honestly, I'm glad I didn't come back. Without me, Cheryl was able to be herself instead of drowning in my shadow. Besides, it's not like we never--Ah, I'm getting ahead of myself."

"What do you mean?"

"You'll see."

They continue their tour with many of the same scenes. Betty echoing Emily's doubts and pains about reliving her old life are good. More Our Town references are fine and encouraged.

Archie still reads his silly poem. Jason and Cheryl laugh together at the line about him being kept in the "cellar".

The rest plays out as it does with the visit to Pop's grave. Jason looks up and we see Narrator Jughead.

"Hey Jughead." Jason smiles.

"Do you mind if I cut in?" He asks.

Jason disappears and Jughead joins Betty on the bench in the graveyard. He seems very sad, like he does't want to say goodbye to her. Perhaps that's why he sent a proxy. Saying goodbye is very hard.

They talk about what became of them in the 50's timeline, as it plays out in the show.

Betty then goes from location to location saying goodbye.

Finally, it's time to go to Pop's. Jughead takes her there.

Jason lets her in and everyone is there, just like it was in the episode. One small difference is Jason sitting at Cheryl's and Toni's table. He and Toni are sharing a joke at Cheryl's expense.

And then Narrator Jughead plays us out.

So yeah, that's probably my ideal finale. I really, really wanted something to be tied up with Jason. He's the inciting incident and his significance to the opening of the story would lend itself to being very significant at the end, I think.

Thanks for reading. <3