#sammy’s summer writing challenge

[dannythedog]

Collage by @stardust-chords-enthusiast

Pairing: Sam Kiszka x fem!reader

Word Count: 11.1k

Summary: You've grown up with Sam Kiszka as a best friend. As the two of you get older, you realize your feelings may be morphing into something more. What will happen when Sam finally invites you to the annual Kiszka lake trip where a string of crimes have taken place?

Warnings: mentions of marijuana, alcohol consumption, swearing, body image issues, talk of death

A/N: I just want to thank @gretavanfran for encouraging me to run with this idea and offering to help me write. We've never written something like this before so we're a little nervous to post this lol but feedback is appreciated and let us know if you want a part two!! We have so many more ideas for where this can go and would love to share with you guys

_

“Let’s go!” Sam calls from the front door of your house. The patience in his voice is wearing thin and it makes you zip your bag faster, accidentally pinching the skin of your forefinger. It’s time for the annual lake trip the Kiszka family takes at the beginning of summer. Sam usually opted to take his other best friend Danny, leaving no room for you, but this year there was an extra space. You’ve known Sam since seventh grade, the both of you meeting on the junior debate team. He was the only student who actually challenged you and he liked your passion, so you two quickly became inseparable.  

Heaving your duffle up, you rush to the door. “Sorry,” you breathe. “Just had to make sure I didn’t forget anything.”.

 “Yeah, yeah, just give me the bag so we can get going.” Reaching for the bag on your shoulder, Sam lets out a breathy chuckle.

“Wait, Sam, I ha-,” you were quickly interrupted by the long haired man.

“I already checked the back door, walked through the house and unplugged everything. Bug, everything’s going to be okay. Learn how to relax a little, alright?” 

“I’m always relaxed,” you mumble in a grumpy tone. 

“Oh really? When’s the last time you genuinely had fun without having to worry about anything?” He got you there, you were always anxious - anxiety was practically your name and overthinking was your game. You couldn’t help but think about if everything was going to plan, constantly worrying about safety. Except for when you're with a certain golden retriever boy. Sammy. He was fearless and lived life without a care in the world, that’s why you believed that you two quickly became friends. Opposites attract after all - he made the overthinking disappear in you and you made him pay more attention to the things that surrounded him.

After tossing the bag into the back seat of his beat up Jeep Cherokee where his own luggage rests, he clambers into the driver’s spot. “My mom’s gonna be so mad if we’re super late. She only agreed to let me drive as long as I was semi on time.”

“Well, maybe you should’ve let me drive,” you tease. The entire Kiszka family had a bad habit of being late, something that irked you to your core. Turning your head to look at the man in the driver seat, you watch in amusement as he lets out a scoff, throwing the car in reverse. He places an arm on your seat and checks for traffic both ways before entering the road.

“What, so we could be there four hours early? Leave at six am? No thanks, I’d rather sleep.”

“You know, backing into a main street is illegal right?” Now turning to face you, Sam dramatically rolls his eyes and flashes you that beaming smile of his.

“Bug, I want you to relax on this vacation. Mommy and Daddy won't be there to make sure you dot your I’s and cross your T’s.” 

As much as you hated to admit it- Sam was right. It’s been forever since you’ve actually relaxed. On top of your chronic over thinking - your parents watched you like a hawk. They always told you the strictness was because they wanted you to get into a top of the line college. Ever since you got the acceptance letter from the University of Michigan, you were expecting them to ease up. Wrong - if anything they tightened the reins more. Even though you were eighteen and freshly graduated high school, you had to practically get on your hands and knees begging them to allow you to accompany Sam all while reassuring them a million times that Sam’s parents were going to be there. 

“I am relaxed. Let’s get going. You know we'll never hear the end of us being late from Jake,” you breathe out, crossing your arms across your chest. As if his smile couldn’t get any bigger, it was practically ear to ear as he watched you slowly come to the realization he was right. 

“Aye aye, Captain. No more funny business. Wouldn’t want to keep Jacob waiting,” he replies to you in a teasing tone, while throwing the car into drive.

A warm breeze pours through the windows as the journey starts. It rustles the haphazardly placed locks on Sam’s head, a messy bun being his go to for the summer, and it somehow manages to make him look softer. Your eyes trail down to his plump lips, only landing there briefly before moving onto his outfit. He dons a denim button up that only has the bottom few buttons done, a pretty tiger’s eye pendant resting on the exposed skin of his chest, a pair of the tiniest khaki shorts you’ve ever seen, and of course his trusty Birkenstocks. While his outfit was casual, it still made you feel a little frumpy. You just wore a pair of black biker shorts and a tie-dye shirt, two sizes too big, with some black Tevas. 

“So why couldn’t Danny go this year? Not that I’m complaining, I’m really happy to be invited.”

His brown eyes glance over to you for a moment, lips forming into a small frown. “His family planned their own vacation. It’s kind of ass that I’ve never invited you before, huh? I’m sorry that I’m an idiot.”

You wave him off, trying to play it like you never felt an ache in your chest when you watched the family drive off every year. “I get it, it’s a boys thing. No biggie.”

He still looks guilty despite your casual reassurance, but doesn’t press any further. Sam really did feel bad that he never invited you before. He wasn’t sure if you would like hanging out with him and his family for a week straight, emphasis on his brothers. His older twin siblings could be a lot sometimes. Josh was a little over-friendly and Jake could be too cold. Inviting anyone on vacation was asking for trouble - especially a girl and most definitely if that girl was you. The twins have known you for just as long as their little brother had. But Sam knew that they wouldn’t let up on the teasing - it would be relentless.

 Unbeknownst to you, they would wait until you left the room or have your back turned and would always make kissy faces at the younger boy - mocking him about how in love he was with you and how you were his ‘little secret girlfriend’.  Sam could take the teasing one day at a time, but he felt like a whole week’s worth of teasing would be too much for him to handle. So, he always opted to bring Danny. Plus, he wanted you all to himself, but no one had to know that.

“Hey, you know what I brought?” He grins a little too widely. “Check my backpack. The small pocket in the front.”  

You reach into the back, very obvious suspicion settling across your face. Pulling his beat up tie-dye bag into the front with care was not an easy feat. It was stuffed full and piled under a bunch of other luggage. With just a bit of grumbling, you dig into that small pocket and pull out a baggie filled with joints.

 “Sam!” you hiss. “Did you forget your parents are going to be with us?”

He reaches over and gives your arm a gentle shove. “See? This is what I was talking about earlier. You never have fun without worrying about everything.”

 “I’m sorry,” you sigh and put the baggie back. “You’re totally right. I don’t know why I got weird about it.”

Your face flushes and you feel embarrassed. He was right. Why couldn’t you let loose and just enjoy this time being close with Sam? Don’t ruin this for yourself. 

“Hey,” he says softly, that same frown from earlier returning.

“No, it’s okay. You are right. It’s not often I’ll admit that, so take it while you can,” you grin.

The few hour drive is peaceful, filled with laughter and good music. Sam never fails to keep you entertained. That was another checkmark on the long list of things you adore about him. You weren’t sure how Sam didn’t realize you were falling for him. You didn’t try to make it obvious, but you figured he would at least see the little things - the way you’d always make sure to have his favorite snacks around, wake up at absurd hours to make Walmart trips, how you’d do just about anything he asked. Honestly, you’d probably follow this man to the depths of hell if he asked you to.   

“Where are we?” you garble, not noticing that you drifted off at some point, finally waking when Sam turns onto a rather bumpy back road.

“About five minutes from the house. Our place is in a pretty secluded spot, not many neighbors.”

The road is covered with rocks and potholes, making it impossible for your bodies to stay still, rocking side to side with each bump and sway of the vehicle. Lush trees fill the spaces on either side of the road and overtake your senses. It’s hard to see through the thick greenness of the vegetation, but it’s beautiful and makes everything feel so serene. Like you weren’t still in your home state of Michigan. The trees began to thin the closer you got to the house, opening to a small clearing with a great view of the sparkling lake. You could see an expanse of sandy beaches spread out at the back of the property with a hole dug out near the house as a makeshift fire pit.  There’s a small dock a bit further down with an old rowboat attached to it, gently bobbing in the mild waves. 

Sam parks his Cherokee next to the family’s Suburban and shoots you an excited smile. “Ready for the chaos?”

“As I’ll ever be,” you scrunch your nose at him. 

The both of you pull yourselves from the car to collect your bags. The thick summer air soothes the goosebumps that formed from the air conditioning that Sam insisted on blasting. He claimed the AC barely worked at the lake house. 

“OI!” a voice rings from above you, disrupting the gentle call of some sparrows. Your eyes flick up to see the long haired twin  leaning dangerously over the railing of a balcony. 

“It’s about time you made it!” Jake spins around and heads back inside before either of you can answer. Your eyes trail from the balcony to take in the rest of the house. It’s a moderately sized cabin-esque looking building with sloping green roofs that match the color of the doors and window frames. The rustic vibe is a little cheesy and slightly outdated, but it’s welcoming. 

“Hi, Bug,” Jake grins when he emerges from the front door. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.”

 You think you can hear Sam grumbling about how that’s his nickname for you, but you ignore it. 

“C’mon inside. We saved a room for you two.” Jake takes the bag off your arm and offers a side hug, giving you a gentle squeeze. 

You flush at the thought of sharing a room and possibly a bed with Sam - you hadn’t considered that when you agreed to come along. His parents were pretty lenient but you figured you’d be sleeping on one of the couches. 

The house offers reprieve from the unforgiving sun. Despite being quite cold only minutes ago, you can feel a bead of sweat trickle down the back of your neck. The inside isn’t as cheesy as you thought it would be. There were picture frames hung up along the walls, displaying memories from previous trips. One of young Sam catches your eye and brings a small smile to your face. He’s submerged in the lake with a bright orange life jacket on that looks like it could strangle him at any moment, smiling widely with little gaps in his teeth. 

“We’re here!” Sam calls out and ventures towards the bedrooms. 

Just like clockwork, the shorter twin pops his head into the hallway. “This one is your room.” 

The three of you meander to the room Josh was currently in, only half wondering why he was in your room anyways. 

“Shut up!” Sam gasps and almost drops his bag, trying to think of something else to say but his mouth just hangs open. Out of the corner of your eyes you could see the twins beaming - not wanting to be left out, you poke your head into the room and see a lanky, curly haired man lounging across the queen sized mattress. 

“Hey, guys,” Danny says with a shit eating grin. “Heard you might have extra room.”

Finally over the shock of seeing his best friend, Sam turns to his brothers with confusion written all over his face.

“Mom and Dad didn’t come this year. They figured since we’re ‘all grown up’ that we’d want a week here alone. We coordinated the Danny part just because it was fun,” Jake speaks nonchalantly. 

Sam simply can’t contain his excitement any longer and bounces on his best friend, rambling on about how much fun they’re going to have.

“That was sweet of you guys,” you murmur to Jake, watching as his face twinges pink. He simply shrugs and sets your bags near the dresser. Once the enthusiasm calms a bit, the other three clear out of the room to let you and Sam unpack. Your eyes travel over to the queen sized bed over and over, worry settling deep into your chest.

You clear your throat. “I can take the couch if you want. Or I could see if maybe Danny wanted to switch rooms.”

Sam doesn’t even look up from putting his shirts into a drawer as he chuckles a bit. “Why would you do that?”

Your face scrunches in embarrassment. You’re not sure why you’re embarrassed about this discussion. It’s just Sam. Just your best friend who you are hopelessly falling for and now have to share a bed with. Not a big deal at all.

“Just wanted to give you options, that’s all,” you say a little too defensively, praying that he couldn’t see the pink blush starting to cover your face. 

“I think you’re trying to get away from me. I can’t stop you from taking the couch, but I promise I really don’t mind if you sleep with me. In fact, I think I’d like it if you joined me.” Sam flashes you a smile as he finishes unpacking. With that he walks out of the room, leaving you to internally panic about what his words could possibly imply. Was he just flirting with you? Or perhaps it was just your feelings muddying his statement.

Fingers tug on the hem of your shirt, startling you out of your panicked daze. It’s Jake inquiring if you’ll come out to swim with everyone since it’s ‘hot as balls outside.’ Not giving you an option to say no - or to even give him an answer, he makes his way over to the door and slams it shut. Rolling your eyes at the loud noise, you head over to your bags, silently thankful you brought your good bikini.  Lifting up your shirt in hopes of changing into the swimwear sooner than later, you found yourself being interrupted by someone clearing their throat. Startled by the intruder, you whip around at a lightning speed to find Sam and Danny casually standing in the doorway. 

“Don’t you guys know how to knock?” you huff out at the boys. 

“Sorry, we didn’t expect you to be changing already. Sammy boy just needs to grab his trunks,” Danny speaks softly, shooting you an apologetic smile as he makes his way into the room sitting down on the bed. Sam, on the other hand, seemed to be frozen in his spot. Geez, what is up with him today. 

“You going to come in or are you going to keep standing there like a creep?” Danny chuckles out at Sam. It worked. You watch Sam as he keeps his eyes on the floor, heading over to the dresser, reaching in one of the drawers and pulling out his favorite pair of red bottoms. 

“I…Sorry. C’mon Danny. Let’s go downstairs.” Sam ignores your eye contact and walks over to the long haired curly man sitting on the bed, pulling him by his shirt sleeve over to the door and making sure to close it. 

Deciding not to think about the way Sam was acting, you quickly change into the baby blue and white floral print bikini. Standing in front of the mirror, you take a second to study your reflection. This swimsuit was new and if you were being honest with yourself, you were absolutely terrified to bring it at first. After all, this was supposed to be a ‘family trip’ and you didn’t want to have Sam’s parents look at you in an ill mannered light. Why would they? Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it’s the fact your boobs were practically spilling out of the cups and the bottoms are leaving little to the imagination. 

You couldn’t help but to have some insecurities cross your mind when you thought about if Sam would like this specific suit on you. Sure, you’ve been around him countless times in the water, but you always wore a one piece. After graduating high school, you felt yourself trying to be a little more bold in your outfit choices. Not to mention that Sam always likes his girls to be on the skinnier side and you just so happened to be a little bit more curvy.  Fuck it, what do you have to lose. You trot down the stairs, slowly building up more and more courage to walk out to the lake where you could see the four boys splashing around through the window.  

“Ooh mama! Looking good!” Josh yells as you approach the lake, making the other  three boys turn around to take a glance at your form.  

Their watchful eyes make you feel bashful, especially after Sam’s weird reaction in the bedroom. You try to fight the urge to cover your body up but it’s slowly winning. Every dip, bump, and stretch mark suddenly feels like a neon sign that reads, ‘Look at me! I’m insecure!’. Feeling defeated, you grab your towel and begin to wrap it around your torso as walk slowly to the beach.

The sun’s rays are vicious. Sweat is already beading at your brow and the tops of your shoulders feel hot. A small breeze ripples through the trees and gently caresses over your heating skin, giving slight relief. 

“Put your towel down! Get in!” Danny calls out as he splashes water at an unsuspecting Jake. This earns him a punch to the shoulder and a small grumble.

You hesitate, insecurities still running wildly through your mind. What if they laughed at you? What if Sam was disgusted by your flaws? You knew you wouldn’t be able to handle that. 

“Hey, let me see you,” Josh encourages. “I’ve never seen that bathing suit on you before. Is it new? Do a little twirl for me!”

“It’s just a bathing suit,” Sam bites at his older brother. This makes you clutch your towel tighter to your body and cast your eyes to the sand. You knew it. Sam thinks you look hideous. 

Watching the boys in front of you - you couldn’t possibly think of actually going into the water and exposing yourself to them. You know that Sam takes after his older brothers when it comes to finding his type in women. 

Plopping down into the grass and giggling to yourself, you watch as Josh rolls his eyes and smacks the back of his younger brother’s head.

Trudging through the shallow water in your direction, he lifts his chin as a beckoning gesture. “C’mon, Bug. Get in the water.” Your knuckles were practically white from how hard you were gripping the towel now that Josh was stalking through the sand.

“Josh, I don’t feel like it.” 

“I will carry you in there if I have to.” 

“You and I both know that’s not a possibility,” you spit out at him, trying not to let your insecurities show. Instead of replying, Josh moves even closer to you and starts looking like he was trying to figure out where to place his hands to hoist you up. 

“No. No. No. Stop right there,” you protest. 

“Relax. I’m not going to hurt you. Just come into the water.” Josh looks to you with pleading eyes. Fuck those, baby cow eyes get you everytime. Reluctantly nodding your head, you get up - but not without making sure the only thing keeping your sanity was wrapped around you securely. 

“You won’t need that in the water,” Josh hums at you as he takes your hand in his, leading you over to the dock. 

“I know. I just want to leave it on the dock.” He looks like he doesn’t want to believe you at first, eyeing you suspiciously, but ultimately choosing to drop the issue at hand. 

While you’re distracted with Josh, Sam’s eyes are glued to the two of you. What the hell is he doing? Why are his hands on her like that? Sam didn’t care that you were friendly with his brothers. He actually loves that you get along with them, but his fear was steadily coming to fruition. You were his person and his brothers seemed to have no problem robbing you from him just as they did with Daniel. 

As he watches you sit on the edge of the dock he hopes and prays you’ll look at him, but only sees your eyes follow Josh’s form into the water. His chest tightens when Josh grabs your legs. “What are you doing?” you panic slightly. The older twin simply gives you his widest smile before pulling you into the depths. 

The lake is colder than you expect it to be and it shocks the air from your lungs. It’s a good few seconds before you can let out a screech at Josh. He clutches you tightly to him, not caring that you’re desperately grabbing at the sopping fabric of your security blanket as it drifts away with each of his movements. “See? Not that bad, huh?”

He was right. Being submerged covered you in a way and it felt nice to cool off. “Okay,” you break. “It’s not horrible, but you’re a real dick for pulling me in.”

Sam can’t stand seeing his older brother’s hands on you. They way they hold you so delicately. It feels far too intimate to Sam. There’s this horrible clawing in his stomach that pulls him to the shore and up to a grassy area, listening to your giggles as you splash around. Having fun without him.

Your eyes finally drift over to Sam when you notice him get out. Water droplets cascade over his tan skin like rivulets and his thin frame is stretched out to soak up the sun. He’s completely in his element. You think he looks most beautiful like this. Sam has always loved nature - he begs you to come on mini hikes that turn into impromptu picnics of trail mix and granola bars, long trips to the beach where you spend your day swimming and kayaking, hell, he even loves it if you just come lay in his hammock with him.

“Alright! Me and Danny will be partners, so that leaves you and Josh,” Jake declares. You tear your eyes from your best friend and look to his older brother - that honestly could be his twin - to give him a questioning look. Jake rolls his eyes. “I just said we’re playing chicken.” 

The insecurities begin to creep back into your mind and you quickly glance to the sunbather only feet away. 

“Stop that,” Josh murmurs. “Climb on my shoulders. I’ll swim under water.” You don’t know how he knows what you’re thinking, but you don’t have too much time to question it before he’s swimming between your legs and hoisting you into the air. The curly one lets out a warm chuckle as he hears the shriek leaving your lips. You think you see Sam start to sit up as he sees his older brother securing his hands around your thighs even more- claiming it had something to do with ‘safety’. 

“She’ll need all the safety she can get,” Danny teases. “Jake and I are gonna kick your asses!” “Are you sure about that? What if we have a plan?” You grip onto Josh’s hair, knowing you don’t have a plan. You just hope it’s something easy to go with. “Like a sneak attack! Get them!”

Josh lurches forward and your hands fly up to push at Jake’s taut shoulders. Surprisingly, his spontaneous plan does work and you manage to knock the opposing team over. Unsurprisingly, this lights a fire inside of Jake. The next half hour is constant games of chicken, switching teams, hitting the water a little too hard, but still no Sam. One final stinging slap against the small waves does you in. You put up your white flag and head to the beach, fingers and toes beyond pruny anyways.

“Decided to come join me?” The brunet sunbather mumbles as he senses your presence - eyes still closed.  

“How’d you know it was me?” 

“I always know when you're around.” 

“Uh-huh. Sure,” you mock him. 

“Peter Parker has spidey senses and me? I have y/n senses.” Your best friend sits up, grabbing your hand and giving you a little tug. It seems like he was trying to get you to lay down with him, but you weren’t budging, the insecurities creeping back in. Sure, you’ve laid down next to Sam before, but that was then and this is now. Something about the air in between you two feels different. The only problem was that you weren’t sure if it was good or bad. 

You try to pull your hand from his soft grip. “I’m gonna go grab another towel.” 

“There’s room on mine,” he replies, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“No there’s not.”

Sam wasn’t going to waste another moment. He needed to stake his claim in front of his older brothers, you’re his. Suddenly you feel the air leaving your lungs as you’re pulled downwards. Expecting to hit the ground, instead you are met with a soft groan and the feeling of hot skin. 

“See? There’s room.” Opening your eyes from the sudden impact, you’re face to face with a tan chest. Slowly lifting your gaze, you see Sam with his eyes shut, smiling sheepishly at you. 

“Sam, I’m on top of you.” 

“I know, I like you like this.” Peeking an eye open, Sam was met with the visual of your mouth parted in shock, trying to find the right words to say. He could see the gears turning in your head. You felt the boy beneath you taking a deep sigh before parting his lips. 

“Bug…don’t act so shocked.”

“Sam, just let me go please,” you try pleading with the man.

“No, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this….and now seems like the perfect moment.” 

Trying to move yourself into a sitting position, you’re met with failure as sunkissed arms wrap around your back tighter, holding your body close to his. You could feel your chest getting tighter as the nerves course through you. He has no idea what kind of effect this is having on you and you really don’t want him to find out.

“Awww look at the love birds.” Of course Jake would have to ruin a moment like this.

“Yeah right,” Danny snorts. You hated to admit it, but that single laugh alone had you ready to cry. 

“Shut up guys. You know it’s not like that,” you mumble, pulling yourself out of Sam's embrace. You swear that you see Sam’s eyes glaze over with hurt, but that quickly disappears with him chuckling and smiling. 

“I’m hungry,” Jake whines, rubbing his stomach - looking over at his twin slowly making his way over to the group.  

“That sounds like a you problem,” Sam grumbles as he sits up. What is up with his attitude today? 

“No, it's Bug’s problem.” Jake makes a move towards you to grab your hand and hoist you up, but is stopped by his younger brother swatting his hands away. Josh and Danny let out eerie chuckles trying to ease the awkward tension that was forming. 

“How is it my problem?” 

“Cause I want one of your grilled cheeses.” 

“I told you the re-“

“Zip it.” Jake grabs your arm, pulling you to your feet. “We can’t have Sammy knowing that I’m the only person you trust with the recipe. Think about how jealous he’ll get.” 

The two of you start towards the house. “You know he heard that right?” You whisper to Jake as he loops his arm into yours.

“Don’t worry. I know what I’m doing, Bug. Trust me,” Jake winks at you. 

You grip his arm tighter and don’t speak until you’re in the safety of the kitchen. You find that Sam was right, the AC doesn’t work very well in this cabin. 

“Alright, spit it out,” Jake says, not bothering to look at you while he grabs the ingredients. “I can see it all over your face.”

Other than Sam, you were the closest with Jake. When he was younger he was very quiet and wasn’t in your face like Josh was and you found comfort in that. He made you feel comfortable. That meant you could tell him the things you couldn’t tell Sam. As your feelings for Sam grew, Jake could see past your little unbothered facade. He’s been there through every up and down.

“I don’t know,” you groan and plop into a chair. “He’s just being so weird. One minute he’s normal and happy, then the next he’s moody and avoiding everyone. And don’t think I didn’t notice that you purposefully put Sam and I in the room with one bed. You’re setting me up.”

He laughs and flits about the kitchen preparing the meal for everyone. “I thought you’d appreciate that. You could always share with me.”

Flipping him the bird didn’t feel like it would be enough, so you throw a random pair of socks that you see balled up on the floor at his head. He ducks and lets a belly laugh fill the room. “Come on, y/n. It won’t be that bad. I really was just trying to help you out. How about this,” he sets an old, worn spatula on the counter and approaches you. “I’ll help you this week. We’ll get Sam to notice you the way you want him to.”

You eye his outstretched hand. This could potentially end your friendship with Sam if it goes badly, but you decide you couldn’t pretend much longer. So you grasp Jake’s calloused hand, putting all of your trust into this shake. “Deal.”

———————-

After some much needed food and a couple of beers, the boys decide that it would be a good time for them to go down to the pier and do some fishing. You opt to read the book that’s been sitting in your bag forever, figuring you could sit on the front porch so you have a perfect view of the boys on the dock. ‘Life can’t get better than this,’ you think and let out a big sigh. The buttery beams of the sun wash over you, bringing the feeling of sleepiness that you knew oh so well. Hours must’ve passed, you found yourself waking up to the feeling of someone trying to pry the book out of your hands. 

“A Court of Roses and Thorns? I didn’t know you read fantasy,” Sam smiles in small victory when he peels the book away from you, closing it and moving it to the table beside the chair. 

“I know, I usually read nonfiction but I’m trying something new. Don’t hate,” you mumble to him as you slowly stand up from the chair, stretching out your back in the process. 

“Hate on you? I could never,” Sam whispers. It was almost as if he was terrified of you hearing the little confession that left his parted lips. 

“How long have I been out?” 

“Well, considering it’s dark now, I’m gonna say about a few hours.” You look the boy over and see that he put his hair back into a low bun. You were always a sucker for that hairstyle. You take advantage of Sam being quiet and study his face some more. He looks good. It was only day one of this vacation and the sun gave him a kissable tan. You weren’t sure how you’d be able to survive the rest of the six. 

“So...what do you think about a movie night?” Sam suggests, throwing you a side smirk when he notices that you were checking him out. You silently thank god that it’s dark out, you didn’t want Sam to see how flushed your cheeks are. 

“With your brothers?” 

“No. Just you and me. Jake said he wants to have a bonfire,” he points towards the direction of the small pit that sits in the middle of some thoughtfully placed chairs. 

“I mean, sure. Yeah, we can do that.” 

A loud voice nearly has you jumping out of your skin. “Nope. Nada. Not happening. You have to be joking with us. I don’t want to be an uncle yet,” Jake bursts through the door of the cabin, protesting the movie night idea. Casting a glance over to Sam you see him rolling his eyes. You could tell he was starting to get fed up with his brothers interrupting everything. 

“Jake, c’mon. It’s gonna be so comfy inside. Can’t I join you guys tomorrow?” You ask the man, with a little bit of confusion lacing your voice. He was supposed to be helping push you and Sam together, not keep you two separated.  He gives you a look that lets you know you won’t be winning that battle, so you let the older man drag you over to the pit where the other two boys were standing. Looking over your shoulder, you could see Sam trudging behind you, obviously not wanting to participate tonight. Maybe he was hoping just to have alone time with you. 

“Bug, we’ll make you a weiner!” 

“Josh, I don’t want a hot dog right now.” Your body betrays you by letting out possibly the loudest stomach growl the group had ever heard. 

“Clearly that’s a lie. Plus, we know how much you love sticking them in your mouth,” Danny tries to speak in between laughs. You could tell that he’s proud of himself for that joke. 

“Relax, Sammy boy, no one’s gonna try to steal your girlfriend,” Jake teases as he slaps his back, trying to change his little brother’s mood. Based on what you could see through the flames of the fire, Sam’s face was red - beaming with frustration. 

Sam seems to ignore his brother’s ‘girlfriend’ comment as he sits down in the seat directly across from yours, separated by the fire. Jake plops himself into the chair next to you, mysteriously pulling out an acoustic guitar. 

“Where’d you get that?” you nod towards the guitar.

“Darling, I’m full of tricks,” Jake shoots you a wink, absentmindedly strumming the guitar. Looking around, you notice there was a black guitar case lined with a maroon velvet laying on the ground - instantly feeling dumb for asking him where got the acoustic from. If anyone knows Jake, then they always know there’s bound to be a guitar somewhere around him. Sure he was in college for business, but everyone knows being in a band was his true dream. 

“Jake you gonna play us Wonderwall? Or tell us all about how you’re meant to be a rockstar?” Sam snickers at his brother. What has gotten into him today. 

Sam was truly fed up with his brothers. Especially Jake. Every fear he ever had about bringing you to the lake had happened. Why couldn’t they just let him have something good for once? Sam had fully been planning on telling you about his feelings at multiple points in the day. He even made it obvious that he was being serious, but no one cared. 

Looking across the flames, you sat in awe of your best friend. A pain forms in your chest as you think back to a certain night sophomore year where you were sat in the same position. 

“Wooooo!” 

“Sam, stop yelling! You’re gonna get us in trouble.” 

“C’mon, Bug! Live a little,” Sam slurred at you, slinging his arm around your shoulder. He was drunk off the bourbon that his older brother just had to provide him with because it was ‘homecoming’. You rolled your eyes every time Jake said that. Maybe it was something that your parents engraved into your brain. God, you could hear the lecture from them already. Bitching at you for letting yourself be surrounded by ‘drunken idiots’.

You weren’t positive about the exact moment you started to like Sam, but one thing was for certain. This year you realized you were in love with him. It happened in between all the study dates, the late night texts and the random phone calls to see what you were up to.  

But tonight? Tonight felt different. Granted, you guys were each other's dates to homecoming, but something just felt different. You couldn’t quite place what the emotion was. Maybe it had to do with the way you two slow danced tonight - your arms placed delicately around his neck, while his hands were wrapped around your waist, pulling you close. His toffee colored eyes staring into yours-giving you soft smiles all night, not to mention all the little touches and forehead kisses. 

Your mind kept wandering back to those moments as you looked up at the man, watching the soft orange glow flicker across his face. His eyes were closed and he was starting to sway, you knew what this meant - you had approximately five minutes to get him up to bed or someone would have to carry him up there. You look around to see if there was anybody sober enough to help you get the lanky boy up the steps with no avail. 

“C’mon, Sammy. Let’s get you to bed.”

“Bug, are you trying to seduce me right now?” Rolling your eyes, you let out a huff as the tall boy leaned more of his weight onto you, trusting that you would be able to get him upside and to bed safely. 

“Sam, I know you're plastered, but you’ve gotta help me out here.” 

“I always help you out. You’re my girl.” 

You knew better than to believe his words, after all he was drunk and just rambling. Hearing the words ‘my girl’  was your downfall. You hated the way it made you blush. You silently thank god that you were able to make it into his room in one piece. After plopping the boy down onto the twin mattress, you were wondering how on earth you were going to get this boy changed. Finding a pair of sweats and grabbing a loose shirt, you turned around to find Sam standing in front of the bed. 

“I thought I told you to stay on the bed.” 

“Ooo. Bossy. I like it.” You knew he was a lot to deal with when he was drunk, but this was new. 

“I’m not being bossy. I just want you to go to bed. I’m tired.” 

“I don’t want to go to bed.”

“And why’s that?” You replied back, mocking the way he was whining. 

“Cause you’re not gonna be here for me to cuddle.” 

“Sam. Stop. You don’t mean that.” 

“I do mean it,” Sam responded, stomping his foot like a two year old having a tantrum in the middle of a grocery store. 

“No you don’t.”

“Stop telling me what I think,” he demands.

“Sammy, I know you. You don’t mean it. I’m not the girl you go for. Just please go to bed.” Your heart is aching with every word you speak.

“You can’t see it?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’ve had a thing for you for the past two years.”

“No you haven’t,” you scoff. As much as you wanted to believe him, you just couldn’t. 

“Yes I have,” he insists. “Why don’t you believe me?”

“Sam, look at you and then look at me. We don’t go together.” Your arms were crossed and your eyes found purchase on anything but him. His gaze never let up.

“Bug, you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.” 

“Please stop.” You could feel your breath slowly leaving your body as the young boy made his way to stand in front of you, placing a finger under your chin tilting your head up - silently begging for you to make eye contact with him. 

“I wish you could see yourself the way I see you,” Sam whispered as he licked his lips. He leaves your eye contact briefly to look at your lips and then looks back into your eyes. Closing your eyes trying to find the right words to say - you were interrupted when you felt a pair of chapped lips meeting your soft ones. 

Not believing what was happening,  you opened up your eyes, only to be met with the sight of Sam’s eyes still closed focused on the task at hand. Closing your eyes, you could feel yourself melting into the kiss and slowly kissing the boy back. Sam could finally feel you relaxing into him - taking it as a sign to wrap his arms around your waist, pulling you in closer, running his hands through your hair. Not pulling or tugging, he was just holding you there. 

Sam shoved you away when he heard the wooden bedroom door being opened and slammed against the beige wall. Looking over at the intruder, you could feel your chest tighten up again when you saw that it was Sam’s other best friend. 

“Did I interrupt something?” Danny quizzed the couple in front of him, noticing the swollen lips and rustled dress shirt. 

“Nope,” Sam replied nonchalantly.

 After going to the bathroom that night, you decided to crash out in the boys basement, not being able to find it in yourself to face Danny after he walked in on the tender moment in between best friends. Waking up the morning afterwards, it took a couple of minutes for the realization of what happened- Sammy kissed you. Not only that, but he told you that you were the most beautiful person he ever saw. How were you supposed to address this situation with him?

Part of you wanted to run for the mountains and never face him again. Realistically you probably could live off the grid - but that would never happen, your parents would forbid it. Deciding that you needed to just talk to him, to figure out where you guys stood, you found yourself climbing up the steps of the quiet house. Placing your hand on the doorknob to turn it, you stopped yourself upon hearing muffled voices on the other side of the door. 

“So you kissed y/n last night?”

“Dude. I fucked up.” 

“But I thought you liked her?”

“Y/n? No, I think it was just the alcohol talking.” You could feel your heart breaking in two as you registered the words being spoken. 

“How are you gonna fix this?” 

“I just gotta tell her that it was a mistake. It meant nothing. I regret it.” 

If only you could be in the room and see the raven haired boy shaking his head at the lanky haired man laying on his bed hungover. 

The sudden feeling of a warm hand squeezing your knee brought you back to reality. Following up the arm of the man touching you - you were met with Jake’s coffee irises giving you the same sad sympathy look  he had given you the morning after the kiss.  You didn’t mean for any of Sam’s brothers to get involved with your relationship with him, but it just happened. After hearing Sam say the word ‘regret’, you ran outside onto the back porch in hopes of calming yourself down. 

Instead you were met with Jake smoking a cigarette and asking if you wanted to talk about it. Did you want to talk about it? It just so happens that your brain was telling you not to, while your heart had the opposite. You needed someone just to listen to you and the mysterious twin just happened to be there. That was the moment you and Jake became close. He held you as you cried - repeatedly telling you that his brother was a ‘fucking idiot’ and ‘if he doesn’t see how amazing you are, fuck him’. 

After that much needed pep talk from Jake, you pushed your feelings deep down inside and kept things as normal as you could with Sam. Meanwhile you and Jake were growing closer, but it was nothing in comparison with his little brother - the only issue is, Sam doesn’t know that. You were unaware of the fact that there were countless times the boys had been fighting over you. Well, more like it was Sam screaming at his  brother to leave you alone and to stop trying to ‘fuck you’. Jake would just look at him and give him a little smirk that would just push Sam over the edge. 

Jake moved his hand from your knee as a twig snaps in the dense woods just feet away from the group. Everyone’s attention is focused on the sound and you could feel your heart rate pick up. “What was that?”

“Probably just a deer,” Sam mutters as he peers into the darkness of the foliage. 

“What if it’s that killer?” Danny says all too casually. Your palms begin to sweat and you shoot him a death glare, challenging him to tell a cruel joke again. 

“What, you didn’t hear about it? It was on every local radio station around here.”

Sam meets your eyes then looks back to Danny. “No, we didn’t listen to the radio on the way here. I had my road trip playlist going.”

“You know how he is. ‘The radio is too mainstream,’” you roll your eyes, quoting Sam perfectly. 

Josh’s grin almost makes it seem like he could be the killer. “Oh, so you really don’t know then, huh? Well, when we got here we heard that there were several dead bodies found in the woods and the lake. They’d all been murdered.”

Your skin begins to crawl. You had just swam in that lake. The woods that once felt so serene now seem dark and foreboding. Like something was lurking, waiting for the right time to slip through the darkness and into the house of some poor, unsuspecting vacationers. 

“That’s not funny,” you mumble. 

Josh’s head snaps to you, looking near evil. “No, it isn’t. Not funny at all.”

“Cut the shit, Josh,” Jake scoffs. “Josh is just being a dickhead, but they are telling the truth. There were bodies found around here and they never found the killer.”

“What do you mean they never found the killer?” The hairs on the back of your neck standing up as you felt like something or someone was watching you through the trees. 

“Guys, knock it off. You’re scaring her,” Sam orders and moves his chair to sit next to you. “Hey, they’re just being douchebags. There’s nothing to worry about.” 

“All jokes aside, the story itself is true.  They never found the killer.. Rumor has it, one lady was slaughtered. Completely butchered. I guess the killer left a blood trail, the cops followed it into the woods. It stopped after twenty feet….whoever it is….they know how to hide. There really were bodies found around here, about three miles north.  But, I doubt anything will happen to us. He probably left town. Well, I’m hoping he did,” Danny attempts to comfort. 

“Danny,” Sam reprimands.

While you’re appreciative of Danny’s efforts, your stomach is queasy with fear. You don’t feel happy and carefree anymore. The moon shining down on the lake isn’t comforting like it once was, it’s ominous and holds secrets. The blowing wind seems like small whispers filled with said secrets.

“Can we go inside?” you ask quietly, eyes frantically scanning your surroundings. Feeling a hand cover your own, you recognize it immediately as Sam’s based on the way a crooked pinky finger is grazing against your own. 

“Hey, it’s okay. We can go in,” Sam murmurs as he laces your fingers together. It doesn’t take more than a small tug to get you out of your seat and heading towards the house. The rest of the guys decide to join you, hastily cleaning up their mess.

“Now you two can have that movie night,” Jake ribs. “We’ll be joining you, though.”

Josh immediately launches into a list of movie suggestions, but you can’t find it in you to care. Between the scare of the murders and the jumble of feelings for Sammy, you just needed to stare mindlessly at a screen for a while. 

The boys settle on the movie Psycho. You’re not sure if they’re intentionally trying to be dicks or not, but your mind is too busy to scold them. After gnawing on the skin of your thumb for a solid fifteen minutes, Sam slings his arm around your tense shoulders. The room is dark save for the glow of the tv screen and lamp that was hardly ever turned off, everyone is quiet. It could’ve been one of those world stopping moments you had with Sam whenever he danced along the boundary of friendship and maybe something more. The atmosphere was all wrong though. With the tension in the air and Jake’s worried eyes glancing at you periodically, there was no way you could indulge in this sweet moment.

Halfway through the movie, Jake stands abruptly. “I don’t remember if I put the fire out.”

“It’s been long enough. It probably went out by itself,” Josh mumbles, almost entirely distracted by the movie. 

“Do you really want to be responsible for a forest fire that could kill all of us? I’m going to check.” 

He moves through the living room and grabs his pack of cigarettes before breezing through the door. Your gut twists at the thought of Jake going out there alone. What if that killer was still around? 

You know you’re probably overreacting, but the sinking feeling in your chest wouldn’t let up, so you start to pull from Sam’s grasp. He only wraps around you tighter, shooting you a half smile.

“I wanna go with Jake,” you whisper, trying not to disturb the other two boys.

Sam’s full brows furrow, grasp still not letting up. “Why? He’s fine out there. We can see him through the window so we’ll know if something happens.” Standing your ground with a pointed look, the boy sighs and rubs your arm. “I would really like it if you would stay with me. I’ve missed you today.”

Oh. Your resolve melts a bit at his statement, some warmth returning to your heart. The puppy dog eyes he’s giving you are absolutely killer. How could you deny him? You sink back into your spot, safely tucked into his side and decide that Jake could wait until the movie was over. After all, you were being a little ridiculous about all of this. 

But when the movie is over, Jake is no longer in sight. Anxiety nearly consumes you as you lift from the creaky old couch and press your nose against the dusty pane of the window closest to you. “Guys? Why isn’t Jake back? Why can’t I see him?” 

Josh groans as he stretches out, foolishly opting to take a seat on the hardwood floor for the entire length of the film. “You know Jake. He’s probably off on one of his late night excursions.” The eldest joins your side after a moment, brown eyes scanning the darkness. “Look, he’s right there at the dock.”

There is a silhouette standing along the edge of the water at the beginning of the dock. It was far enough away that you couldn’t see any features, but the outline was there. You strain your eyes looking at the form. Was that Jake? You couldn’t tell.

“Are you sure?” you worry. “How do you know?” 

Josh claps you on the back, an amused smile gracing his youthful face. “I’m his twin. I think I could pick him out of a crowd of probably like, a thousand.”

“Let’s go to bed, okay? You’ll see Jake in the morning.” Sammy comes up behind you wrapping his arms around your midsection pulling you away from the window and towards the stairs. 

“None of you guys are going to check on him?” You ask them, trying not to be annoying but you just can’t shake this unsettling feeling in your gut. 

“Bug, he’ll be okay. Besides, we have this cool thing called twin telepathy. I know when something is wrong,” Josh tries to reassure you. 

“Y/n. He’ll be coming in at any minute. He’s gotta help me with the kayak’s tomorrow and you know he hates getting up early.” You took a deep breath continuing your journey up the stairs, trying to have faith in Danny’s sentence. Maybe I’m overthinking this. Deep Breaths y/n. 

Sam left you in the bedroom alone for a total of five minutes to change before you found yourself calling out for him frantically - you’ve never heard the man move faster. At lightning speed Sam came crashing through the door searching for your figure. Nestled into the wall closest to the window, the boy could see your hands shaking uncontrollably. Stalking his way over to you, wrapping you up in his arms, whispering ‘you’re okay’ into your hair. 

“S…Sam. There’s something in the woods over there,” you tremble into his chest, shifting all your body weight onto him, seeking as much comfort as you possibly could. 

“Bug, there’s nothing out there.” 

“Yes there is! I just saw the bushes move. There’s something out there watching us.”  

“Y/n it’s pro-”

“Don’t tell me that it’s just a deer. It’s the killer Sam. I know it is,”  you cut Sam off desperately. To be fair, your intuition never lied to you when it came to things like this.  “We need to leave now.”

“Look at me.” He didn’t give you a chance to object as he put his fingers under your chin, firmly tilting your head up. “I will not let anything happen to you. Okay? I’m gonna kill the guys. They shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Well, I’m glad they did. Sam I'm not crazy, there’s someone watching us.” Your gaze returns to the forest. You know you saw something. You hadn’t imagined things like this before after hearing your fair share of campfire ghost stories. There was something different about this time. Something sinister. “Let’s go to bed okay? I think today’s just been long and we just need to sleep it off.” 

“Okay,” you sigh and feel his hands tugging you towards the bed as you keep looking out the window. Your intuition was screaming at you to get out of there as fast as you could. Crawling into bed, you opted for the spot closest to the door incase you needed a fast escape tonight. 

“Nuh-uh. Move over,” Sam grins, towering over your figure that’s already nestled into the sheets and slowly dozing off. 

“I’m comf-”

“Don’t even finish that sentence. Move it missy. I need to be by the door.” Sam starts pulling the comforter away from you, acting like he was about to sit on top of you in hopes that he would make you giggle. He knew your mind was racing about the possibility of the killer breaking into the lake house - he needed to try to take your mind off of it, even just a little bit. 

“Okay, okay. Bossy.” You find yourself starting to get nervous as the reality kicks in that Sam is laying next to you. Flinching as you feel his forearm rest against yours, you take it upon yourself to roll over onto your side, facing the wall. You couldn’t possibly bear to face him in such a moment that seemed as intimate as this. 

If you were facing him, you would’ve seen the way that he was staring at you, having a fight with his inner monologue that told him to roll over and pull you into him, but he was scared - scared that it would ruin the friendship although Sam knew that this was his moment. Now or never. Everytime that he tried to tell you how he felt, one of his brothers had to interrupt the moment.  Following his heart this time instead of his head, he pushes himself up against your back, throwing his arm over your midsection. Your eyes fly open at the action, you knew that you were going to be in close proximity - you just never expected this. 

“Relax,” Sam murmurs into your ear. Fuck maybe he felt me tensing. 

“I am.” 

“No you’re not. Just let me hold you for a minute.” 

“I’m going to go look for Jake,” you mumble, moving his arm off of you. Trying to find an excuse to get away from him. Thinking about how he must’ve drank in those five minutes you were parted, there was no way Sam was sober and speaking to you like this. Finally succeeding and moving his arm, you sit up, getting ready to crawl out of bed when you hear Sam letting out a groan behind you.

“Why are you so worried about Jake?” The boy explodes. Shocked by the sudden outburst, you turn around to find him sitting up, red in the face. He was pissed.

“Sam, he’s outside by himself.” 

“Bullshit.”

“Excuse me?” At this point you were out of the bed making your way over to the dresser, looking for a sweatshirt to throw on before you went outside. 

“I said bullshit, y/n. Just tell me that you’re into my brother instead of leading me on.” 

“Instead of leading you on?” You whip around to face him, hands trembling from the confrontation.

“Wow. Do you need a hearing aid or something? Do you know how obvious it is that you like Jake? The way you’ve been hanging all over him since sophomore year? You’re supposed to be the person that’s closest to me, yet you still decide to go after my big brother. Newsflash, y/n, he’ll fuck you and leave!”

Sam’s posture is rigid, face and bare chest flushed with passion of the moment. You hate yourself for thinking he looks pretty.

“Sam, what are you talking about?” 

“You’re fucking unbelievable,” Sam spits out at you in a venom laced tone. 

“Me? Me? I’m the unbelievable one?”

“That’s what I just fucking said.” 

You scoff and tug your sweatshirt over your head. You can’t believe what he’s saying to you. He had the audacity to call you deaf, yet didn’t realize just how blind he truly is. 

“Tell me,” you seethe. “Tell me when I’ve been all over your brother, Samuel.”

He rattles off different instances, starting with sophomore year and how you suddenly grew close with Jake. He told you his perspective of those secret moments with the older Kiszka, not knowing you were actually lamenting over your own best friend. Sam suddenly grows quiet and his chest heaves. “I just wish I could be that person for you. I want that to be me. I have looked up to Jakey for so long - my entire life - and somehow I keep falling short. Even with you. I just want you to feel the same feelings I feel for you.”

Your lower lip trembles and your nails dig into the flesh of your palm. “Don’t,” you say through grit teeth. “Don’t say that to me. Especially when you regretted it so much last time.” 

His honey eyes that are darkened with distress flick from the comforter to look into yours, pink lips shaping into a small ‘o’. He stares at you for a moment before whispering, “You heard that?”  

“I had my hearing aids on that night.” 

“Y/n…I didn’t mean it.” 

“Please stay over there. Don’t come closer to me,” you plead with Sam as he gets out of bed and starts moving towards you. As much as you want the comfort of him holding you - you have to stand your ground and admit to him how much he destroyed you at that moment. 

“Please...just listen to me.”

“You’ve got two minutes,”  you bite, leaning back against the dresser and crossing your arms. 

“I was fifteen. I was scared, y/n. My brothers would tease me about you being my secret girlfriend all the time and I just- I don’t know, Bug. There’s no excuse for it. I don’t regret our kiss at all. If anything, I regret not coming to you the next day and kissing you again…this time sober.” 

You hate to admit it - your heart is aching as Sam expresses his feelings. Maybe this is the universe finally bringing us together. 

   “I came downstairs that morning looking for you. You know where I found you?” You shake your head at the man in front of you, trying to hold back tears as he makes his way slowly over. His large hands cup your face, gently rubbing his thumbs over your cheeks. 

“I saw you outside with Jake. He was holding you…something I should’ve been doing, not him. I got closer to the screen door and I realized you were sobbing into his chest. I thought you regretted the kiss. I figured the tears were because you didn’t want me the way I want you, so I just pretended that it never happened. I stood by on the sidelines, hiding how bad I wanted you, y/n.” 

“You want me?” You try blinking away the tears and Sam catches the single drop that rolls down your right cheek, gently wiping it away.

“Why wouldn’t I? I’ve been in love with you for the past two years. Thanks for noticing by the way.” Sam presses his forehead against yours, letting out a soft chuckle. 

“I’ve been in love with you too,” you whisper, looking into his honey irises. 

“God, we’re idiots.” 

Both of you softly laugh whilst staring at each other, trying to press this memory into your mind. You silently wish that you could see this look of love on his face everytime you close your eyelids. 

“Hey, Sam?” 

“Yes, bug?” 

“Kiss me.” Your heart is pounding, but not in the uncomfortable way it had been for the last hour. Any worries you had are thrown out the window. Your mind is enveloped with Sam’s presence, his scent. He consumes you.

“Well, if you insist.” You find yourself closing your eyes as Sam leans forward, finally capturing your lips in his. It was short and sweet - nothing less than electric.

Pulling away, you two start giggling uncontrollably. 

“Can’t believe we haven’t done that since we were fifteen,” he chortles and pulls you flush to his chest. His visage grows serious as he gazes down at you, strands of hair falling and framing his face. “I’m not gonna run away this time, I promise. This time I’ll show all of them that I love you and that you are mine.”

The electric feeling flows from your lips down to your toes at his confession. This situation didn’t feel real. “I believe you,” you whisper. “Now let’s go to bed.”

The two of you lay side by side, but quickly end up being wrapped in each other. You’re almost certain that you’re flying, floating through some dreamland that only your brain would cruelly make up. You’re terrified that you’ll come crashing to the ground and none of this will be real. But in the morning, he’s still there. His soft locks are splayed around him after having fallen out of his bun in the night. Supple lips are parted as gentle breaths escape him. He’s an angel. You decide you wouldn’t leave his side until he woke. This is the perfect time to admire him uninterrupted. 

“You know it’s rude to stare right?” You flush with embarrassment knowing that you just got caught in the act. 

“Sorry.” 

Sam grins, looking down at you laying on top of him with your face as red as a tomato. He loves watching you get flustered.“Why are you apologizing? I didn’t say I hate it.”  

“How’d you sleep?” you mumble as you tuck your head back into his chest, wrapping your arms around him and squeezing tight. You couldn’t believe that this is real. Sam is yours. 

“Really?”

“What?” 

“We’re doing small talk now?” Sam giggles. 

“I’m nervous. I don’t know what to say.” 

“Stop. It’s just me, Bug. I told you last night I'm not going anywhere.” 

You open your mouth to reply, but you’re cut off by the sound of pans hitting the floor and a loud ‘fuck!’ from the kitchen. Both of you laugh out loud at Josh’s exclamation.

“We should probably go down there.” You pull yourself from his arms and slowly make your way over to the door, pausing to look back at the god-like man in bed. “You coming?”

Sam moans out a small protest. “Why? We can stay here. We don’t need to interact with them.” 

“He’s gonna burn the house down without supervision. You can stay here, but I’ll be damned if we all die in a house fire,” you joke and head out of the bedroom. It’s only a few seconds before you hear the padding of feet behind you and a set of bony fingers rest on your hips. He presses a kiss to your hair and descends the creaky stairs.

“Morning,” Josh grins as he spreads out ingredients for a large breakfast. “Day two at Camp Kiszka! How are you feeling?”

You steal a glance at Sam, forcing back a secretive smile. “I’d say we’re feeling pretty good.”

Before Josh can even ask why, the screen door is slamming open. Danny rushes in, looking pale and frantic. That same dreadful feeling from last night returns and his expression sends shivers down your spine.

Sam steps forward. “Dan, what’s wrong?”

Danny stands there shaking and wide eyed then nearly chokes over his words. “J…Ja..”

“C’mon, Danny, spit it out!” Josh moves beside the six foot man, slapping him on the back.

“Jake’s dead.”

[dreamersbcll]

“Ink Blots”

for @krikeymate

2/4

—————————————————————————

May 30th, 2017

Dear Sam,

It’s strange. I don’t hate you anymore. I don’t really know if I did, but I don’t anymore.

A whole year and then some. You’re gone. I kept thinking you would come home and love me again. That front door never opened. I never felt your warmth creep back in.

It’s strange. The house is colder without you. I can never get warm. Even in the summer heat, I’m shivering. It’s like you took all the warmth and sun to wherever you went.

Mom isn’t really here anymore. She got a new job. She travels a lot. Don’t worry; she still drinks. And she still hits. But I don’t have to see her as much anymore.

Amber stays over a lot now. I mean, more than usual. It’s as if she can’t get enough of me. It’s weird having someone crave me. It’s been a while. A long while.

Even when you were here, you weren’t here. I guess it was those pills you took. You floated up and away, and I could never quite reach you.

I have to go. Amber wants to watch the sunset at Cedar Park.

Your sister, Tara.

——

July 4th, 2017

Dear Sam,

It’s the fourth of July. Do you remember when we used to call you Uncle Sam for fun? And you wore that stupid top hat and ridiculous striped shirt? Chad even gave you a fake white beard. Mindy took so many pictures. I still have them, if you’re wondering.

It was stupid. But it was fun. You always made me laugh. You always made me smile. This holiday is ridiculous and meaningless, but it’s another holiday you’re not here for.

I didn’t see the fireworks last year. I don’t think I'll see them this year. I can only imagine how the fireworks reflect in your eyes and how big you smile. You outshined the lights in the sky every time.

In hindsight, I should’ve told you that. I should’ve told you all the little things that I love about you. Like how you used to squeeze my hand three times every time we had a serious talk; or how you would kiss my head when I pretended to be asleep.

The little things. That’s all I have now.

I hope you enjoy the fireworks this year. They should be good.

Your little, little sister, Tara.

——

September 3rd, 2017

Dear Sammy,

I really need you. It’s my first day of high school. I’m fucking terrified. I need you, Sammy. I’m so scared.

What if they hurt me? What if they push me around? What if I raise my hand to talk and forget everything? Who is going to help me with homework and tests?

I’m so scared. I’m not ready for this.

Please send love.

Your baby sister, Tara.

——

November 1st, 2017

Dear Sam,

Sorry that I haven’t written in a while. The school has been challenging. I never realized how much I needed to pay attention. I get why you were so distant. Even though I was too much, high school was probably hard too.

I’m hungover. Amber threw a Halloween party. I dressed as Uncle Sam. And drank a lot. I don’t think I’ve ever been so sick in my life. I’m writing this letter from the bathroom floor.

I know you never wanted me to drink, and I never wanted to end up like Mom. But alcohol is so delightful. It turns the volume down and makes everything more manageable. I understand why you drank now. I feel stable.

I know once this hangover clears up, I’ll feel awful. But right now, on Amber’s bathroom floor, I think I will be okay. Nauseous, but okay.

When did you first get hungover?

From, Tara.

——

December 13th, 2018

Dear big sister,

Tomorrow is my birthday. I am turning fifteen.

Fifteen is the year you first got arrested. I remember that night well. Mom nearly put her fist through the living room china cabinet. You swore a lot and then slammed your door so hard that I cried.

Funny how time shakes out. I’m fifteen, too afraid to do anything in case you return. You do know you can come back, right?

If you don’t find what you’re looking for, or in case you get bored of running, you can come back. You always can.

Just, don’t wait forever. I don’t think I’ll make it much longer without you.

Can I say I love you? I do. I love you, Sam.

I hope you still love me.

Love, Tara.

——

January 1st, 2018

Dear Sam,

I miss you.

Love, Tara.

——

February 14th, 2018

Dear Sam,

It’s Valentine’s Day. You always hated that day. You hated the cheap cards and stupid chocolates. You always said it was just a holiday meant to sell cards.

I know your secret, though. I know you got me cards and gifts and candies so I would know I was loved. I should’ve done it back. I was just so delighted to know you cared. I was afraid to acknowledge that one day you would go, and I would have to buy my flowers.

Well. You did go much earlier than expected. Amber bought me flowers. Red roses. And she gave me a little card telling me how much she loved me.

It’s sweet. I love her too. She’s my best friend. But I’m not too fond of flowers. I like lilies.

Oh well. Beggars can’t be choosers.

I am sending love and cheesy hallmark cards, Tara.

——

April 26th, 2018

Dear Sam,

I hurt myself today. To see if I still feel.

It turns out I do. Just enough. The razor blade was sharper than I thought.

I’m not stupid, Sam. I saw the marks on your arms and legs. I know what a cigarette burn looks like. You were never kind to yourself. Why did you expect me to be kind to myself?

I don’t know what you were punishing yourself for. I don’t know why you felt that the final straw had to be deserting me.

Jesus Christ, Sam, can you not see how awful it’s been for me? How lonely and miserable am I? I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t function without you. I’m fucking lost.

It’s almost two years since you left. And I’m still right here in this gutted house, in that same lonely room. I yell at the sky, but God doesn’t listen. I hurt myself to try and reconcile with the fact that I push away every person I’ve ever loved. I write letters to someone who would never receive them.

It’s fucked up, Sam. What you did was fucked up.

Fuck you. Tara.

——

May 12th, 2018

Dear Sam,

You told me you loved me. Why did you go away?

Amber says I need to get over you. That two years means you’re never coming back. That you’ve moved on and you’ve found things that make you happier. Maybe so. But I thought the happiest thing in your life was me.

What the hell did I do?

Everybody around me keeps growing up, keeps finding new things. Mindy is the captain of the debate team. Chad is the only freshman to crack the football squad. Amber is the co-captain of the forensics team.

I’m still here. Alone. Waiting for you. Everyone tells me I need to move on, join clubs, and find new hobbies.

I can’t. And that’s your fault.

I hate you.

(Spoiler alert. I don’t. I fucking love you)

Please come home.

Love, Tara.

(Do you love me?)

[edge-oftheworld]

Luke Hemmings Is a Fountain of Existentialism on His New Single — And He Doesn’t Want to Turn It Off 

In an exclusive interview, the 5 Seconds of Summer singer tells Rolling Stone about "Shakes," planning for the future, and exploring childlike wonder on his upcoming solo project Boy, out April 26

BY LARISHA PAUL

MARCH 6, 2024

IT’S NOT OFTEN that Luke Hemmingsfinds himself on his own. For the better part of the past 12 years, the 27-year-old singer and songwriter has shared the stage with his three bandmates in 5 Seconds of Summer. The Australian pop-rock band has built its career around being a relentless touring act, playing to thousands-deep audiences on nearly back-to-back runs in support of five studio albums. Four years ago, when that cycle was interrupted for the first time, Hemmings retreated into himself. 

His first solo album, When Facing the Things We Turn Away From (2021), was a meditation on a decade’s worth of experiences he didn’t have time to process as they were happening. That kind of self-interrogation would continue as he sought to understand himself more deeply on an individual level, and recently, he realized he felt inklings of isolation while deeply immersed in crowds. He felt it while glancing out of car windows in Los Angeles, his home away from his native Sydney; touring the world with 5SOS; and walking the streets of New York, where he wrote most of his second solo project, Boy, out April 26.

“It has this loneliness and this yearning to be home again, but in different ways,” Hemmings tells Rolling Stone over Zoom from L.A. “I’m surrounded by people all the time. I’m in hotels and planes and playing shows and all this stuff, which obviously has great parts in that. But for some reason, I’ve found it more difficult to be on tour recently, just mentally and within myself as a person.” During those stretches of time away from home, the singer found himself transfixed on watching his world change in real time. “People are having kids, people are getting married — or they’re not and they’re stressed about it,” Hemmings, who is married to songwriter Sierra Deaton, explains. “Life starts happening whether you’re checking in or not.” 

“Shakes,” the first single from Boy, sifts through this sense of wonder. Reuniting with producer Sammy Witte (Harry Styles, SZA, Halsey), Hemmings moves through a haze of perspectives marked by different distortions of his own voice. Even when he’s alternating between narrator and protagonist — like when his yearning for comfort is interrupted by the whispered realization “the city tends to move on all the same” — it’s all still him. “Whenever I try and write from other perspectives, I’ll get across some things and some details will come in,” he says. “But then eventually, particularly with the nature of this as a solo thing, it always ends up being autobiographical to some extent. If I try and run from that, it always seems to catch up to me.” 

Here, Hemmings tells Rolling Stone about exploring existential, childlike wonder on Boy, challenging the boundaries of his anxiety while becoming more confident outside of 5SOS, and what he’s most excited about exploring musically and visually as a solo artist.

“Shakes” essentially being a love song is such a contrast to When Facing the Things We Turn Away From, where you were mostly sitting with and interrogating these dark and complicated feelings. What made you want to lead with it? It initially started in New York as one of the earliest songs that was written for this. I was experimenting with writing from other people’s perspectives and observing. Almost in a Lost in Translation way, where you’re observing the world and real life seems a bit intense. That’s where the chorus came from. The chorus was written a year and a half ago, and then some of the verses were written two months ago. The story sort of changes, and it becomes this mix of different feelings because over those nine months since you wrote the first part, you’ve obviously lived even more. Songs take on new meanings even as you’re writing them, which was really cool to experience. It still has the feeling of the first album, but it is different and I wanted to lead with that, which I think is really a bit braver.

How did that inform your creative direction? Because it’s a short album, or a long EP — whatever way you look at it — I really wanted to make it [cohesive]. We went down to Bogota in Colombia and worked with a director there. There’s going to be a “Shakes” video, but there’s going to be other videos along with it. It’s all tied in together. I tried to do that on the first album and we did a good job, but I think on this one it feels like you’re getting lost in it a bit. It feels like more of an all-encompassing world, and I really was striving for that. Even before the songs were fully finished, we had a good idea of what they felt like and I made a big deck of my references, which pulled from all different places. It was a lot of Lost in Translation and Paris, Texas — things where, obviously, I’m the protagonist, but the background is also a star in it. The landscape is very much a part of it.

Your first album emerged almost subconsciously from a time of stillness and reflection. What was it like exploring this new project more intentionally? I’ve been thinking about that a lot. When you write all these songs, you forget that you’ve got to relive it again and be like, “Why did I write these? What are they about? How did we get here?” And I think you’re right, that first album I didn’t really plan it to happen until it was like, “Oh, this is an album.” I really fell in love with having a different outlet, musically and emotionally. It was really fun this time to dive into the things that I loved about the first album and just expand on them. Even small moments like “A Beautiful Dream,” which was kind of an outlier on the first album.

With this new one, there’s an emotion I can tap into within myself to write songs for this project that I found really freeing, and I’ve understood way more about myself as a person from doing this. It has this loneliness and this yearning to be home again, but in different ways. I’m surrounded by people all the time. I’m in hotels and planes and playing shows and all this stuff, which obviously has great parts in that. But for some reason, I’ve found it more difficult to be on tour recently, just mentally and within myself as a person. I can still tap into that same emotion from the first album, but it seems more refined in a different way because it’s that same feeling, but in a new environment.

Was that a linear process for you, having to get something out on that first album in order to settle into the mindset of this one? Yeah, 100 percent. I think the first time, I needed to do that in general in my life — whether it was putting it out, or just making it. It just needed to happen because whatever was going on with me needed to be put into song form. It’s how I deal with things. I wouldn’t have put out this next batch of songs as a first album. I needed to ease into it. The first time was like: It needs to sound exactly like this, and it’s exactly these stories. This second batch of songs, “Shakes” included, is a bit more up for interpretation, which I really like because I’ve been leaning more towards artists that have songs and lyrics you can make your own story to. Obviously there’s moments that are very personal to me, and there’s stories that are mine, but I write them over different periods of time.

You’ve always seemed to be deeply protective of your relationship, keeping those really meaningful moments as insular as possible. What has your experience been navigating that public and private life balance? Me and Sierra are very, very private. Songs and the music I make are windows into moments in my life. If you’re looking to understand more of me, that’s definitely the way to do it. Because the band started so young and it was all very public, naturally now I’m such a homebody and such an introvert. Getting older, I understand more about myself and what makes me happy. I love the fact that the band and myself can put out music and people will listen to it. That’s such a blessing and a gift — playing big shows, and we can talk to you at Rolling Stone. I’m so thankful for that.

But I think I’ve just gotten better at setting boundaries for myself. I’m such an emotional person that anything anyone says, I really take to heart. So separating myself from that a little bit is super important. And Sierra is the same; it’s a big influence from her. We have our own little world. There’s moments where you let people learn, but we just protect some of it and keep some of it for ourselves. Some of my favorite artists are like that. It makes me a bit anxious to be sharing everything.

The first proper album you ever made,5 Seconds of Summer, came out almost 10 years ago. What do you remember about experiencing that process for the first time? When I think back to it now, it was like there was no overthinking at all. There was a buzz around the band, but we hadn’t put out an album yet. I didn’t really know what that meant, exactly — putting out an album and then going on tour. All these things were very new. It’s crazy that it’s been that long, but it feels — I mean, it feels like 10 years ago. It feels honestly like 20 years ago. I still come back to some of those songs now. We play them live and people are transported to another time. I remember it being so much fun. It’s fun now, but when you’re doing something for the first time, you’re sort of like, “I don’t know what’s going on right now.” It’s a really exciting time. I just remember being really naive and having lots of fun. As lame as that sounds, it was so childlike. There’s no jadedness yet or anything like that.

It’s jarring how fast that jaded feeling comes on and replaces that carefree feeling, especially being in your twenties now. I started writing this when I was just turning 27. And when you look around, you look at your friends and you’re looking at family or people around you and you’re like, “OK, shit’s getting real now.” People are having kids, people are getting married — or they’re not and they’re stressed about it. Life starts happening whether you’re checking in or not. It’s funny you bring that up because that’s such a big theme across the whole album.

Why was Boy the most succinct title to capture this particular record? It comes up a few times on a couple of songs. It’s existential, childlike wonder. It has that feeling to it of trying to understand the world around you and why I am the way I am. A lot of it is questioning, why do I feel like this? Why do I interact with the world like this and see it this way? I think there’s a certain point where you have to decide whether you’re going to face life or just stay in the place you are. Boy is a really lovely way to simplify that.

Is this self-interrogation providing you with comprehensive answers, or are you coming out on the other side with even more questions? I’m always gonna have questions about it. I don’t know if there will ever be an end to it, but it’s certainly getting a bit closer every day, every time I write about it, or as the years go on. The things that I was emotionally chasing after on the first album, I’ve held onto those. And then you have a couple of years of wisdom under your belt to look back and be like, OK, I’ve done this. I’ve emotionally worked through these things. You’re always self-analyzing your life and as a songwriter, unfortunately, that’s just the way my brain works.

You’ve been on two tours with 5SOS in the past two years, but you also played two solo headlining shows in 2023. How did those songs change for you once you were able to play them to an audience for the first time? Going into making new songs, I think it was really important to play the first album live to see: Do I like this? Can I do this on my own? So much of my … self-worth is a bit harsh, but so much of my character is attached to being in a band for so long. But I think inherently when you do something on your own, even if you’re still in the band, it still is like, “Can I do this?” So it’s just a hurdle to get over mentally.

It was so cool to see people singing the words back. In Covid, I wasn’t going out and doing things, so I was thinking, “Did people even like this?” Having that when you’re playing shows, it felt good. It made me more confident in making more music. I was like, there’s a space for this — for me to make more tunes in this project and expand on it. It made me more excited to see how far it could go in its own little world and its own little bubble of melancholy.

What do you remember thinking right before you walked out? I was very nervous. It’s so funny because I’ve played with the band so many shows, hundreds of shows. And it gets to a point, especially when you’re on a 100-date tour, where as soon as you get past the first couple shows, you’re not really nervous anymore. It’s still fun, but you’re not anxious or apprehensive or on your toes. You just are doing it. You’re onstage playing it. I’ve been trying to get better at this — because I’m such an inherently anxious person — doing things that are outside of my comfort zone. So that was a big hurdle to be like, “I’m really, really anxious for this, but I know after I do it, I’m gonna be so glad I did that.” As soon as a few songs went by I was like, OK, this is cool.

Instead of existing in silos, it feels more like you’re creating a universe where your own music and some of the sounds and content of the band’s music are in conversation with one another. Yeah, definitely. We’ve been a band for 12 years, which is so crazy. I was 15 when we started; now I’m 27. I know solo projects can be scary for fans of bands, but for me it’s the way that the band can live on forever. In my eyes, that’s the way I see it. And I encourage everyone else in the band to follow whatever they want to do — if they’re having time off, having a kid, mowing their lawn. Whatever makes you happy. I’m just always writing songs, and at this point in time, I feel like I have so much to express and so much to say. I just feel so lucky to be able to put these songs together and have people want to hear them.

[umichenginabroad]

Week 4: Midterms, Friends, Mallorca!

Hi everyone! Sorry this post is a little late as I had a crazy week so just had the chance to sit down and write this post.

Monday, we had our physics midterm which was open note, 10 multiple choice questions, and 10% of our grade. I scrambled in the morning to get my notes printed but figured it out just in time for our 9:00 am exam. The exam was not too difficult. After, we had a physics tutorial and then I wrote my history essay that was due at 9:00 pm. I procrastinated the essay but ended up finishing around 7:00 pm. That night, we went to student night at Dicey’s Garden Club and had a (too) fun time.

It was a struggle to get up Tuesday, but luckily we just had physics lecture and history lecture in the morning and a screening of the film Belfast that afternoon. The rest of the day was nothing too interesting, just laundry and planning upcoming trips.

Wednesday morning, I woke up early because my friend Kate from home flew in around 6:00 am! She arrived at UCD around 7:00 am and after getting ready we headed into town. We headed to breakfast and then explored Dublin. We were able to see the Book of Kells and The Long Room(most of the books are not there which was disappointing) at Trinity College as well as go into Saint Patricks Cathedral. We then shopped around and stopped in for Lunch before heading back to UCD for my lab. This lab was particularly challenging and long so we used the full three hours. After lab, I came back and got ready and we headed into town for dinner along with Sammy. We ate at Boeuf which was amazing steak, potatoes, and vegetables. After dinner, we met the rest of our friends in Temple Bar area and hopped around to different pubs until around 2:00 am. It was a wild but super fun night.

Thursday morning, Kate, Alex, and I got up early and ran to Blackrock for coffee and a quick bite to eat. We bused home and Alex and I headed to class while Kate took a nap and then exploded Dublin more. After class, Kate and I headed to the airport to catch a flight to Mallorca, Spain. Our flight got delayed so we didn’t arrive at the place we were staying in Magaluf until around 2:30 am. In Mallorca, we met up with my friend Jordyn who is studying in Madrid this summer and her friend Isa from her program. I was so excited to see Jordyn but exhausted from the long day of travel so we headed to bed.

Friday, we woke up, grabbed a croissant and coffee, and headed to Cala Cap Falcó via taxi where we relaxed, swam, and ate lunch. It was an amazing day and so good to relax by the ocean. It was difficult to find a taxi back so we ended up taking the bus which was easy to use and worked well. We got back and showered and headed into Palma to explore and for dinner. It was St John’s Day Saturday so there were festivities Friday night by the beach which were super cool/ The cathedral there was also gorgeous along with the palace and the restaurant was amazing. We got a taxi back and headed out to explore the night life in Magaluf. We had a fun night but had an early morning planned Saturday so didn’t stay out too late.

Saturday, around 9:30 we got picked up in a van to go to 3 of the best beaches on the island. It was also Jordyn’s birthday so I was so happy I got to spend the day with her. We first headed to Caló Des Moro, then Cala s’Almunia, and finally Cala Llombards. All three were absolutely beautiful and we were able to go cliff jumping, snorkeling, paddle boarding, and off a rope swing throughout the day. It was the perfect day and we had so much fun. We arrived back at our place and rested, got ready, and headed to dinner in Puerto Portals. The dinner was amazing and the restaurant was gorgeous. After dinner, we took a quick nap and then headed to BCM which was a huge club. We had a great night and ended up in bed around 5:00 am.

It was a struggle to get up the next morning, but we packed up, checked out, and headed to get brunch. The food was amazing(a common thing for this trip). Kate and I then said bye to Jordyn and Isa and we headed to the airport to catch our flight back to Dublin. We arrived back to UCD around 7:45 and headed into town to get some fish and chips. They were amazing and along with our lack of sleep immediately sent us into a food coma. We got back to UCD and headed to sleep immediately.

This morning, I woke up and Kate left before I headed to class :(. We only had class until 1:00 pm today so my plans for today include laying in bed. This week, like most, is going to be another crazy fun week so I can’t wait to show you more!

Elsa Pater

Industrial and Operations Engineering

BIG 10 STEM and Irish Studies: University College Dublin in Dublin, Ireland

[wondershawns]

My Muse [S.M.]

A/N: I didn’t think I’d get this done so fast, but a few days ago I saw @t-holland2080​ posted a writing challenge and I figured I’d participate because they’re always fun! So here I am with my fic, the prompt I used was  “Stop being cuddling material if you’re not going to cuddle me.” I hope you guys like it!

Word count: 2355

Warnings: None, just tons of fluff

.

              Saturdays were for tidying, cleaning, and reading. It was your weekly routine. All those things were brightened when Shawn did them with you or played guitar in a corner of the condo you shared to give you something to listen to. Now that he was working on his album things had changed a little, he wanted to be in Toronto to write so that he could see you, but it still meant endless hours in the studio.

              On weekends Shawn tried to spend more time at home, which usually meant he’d sleep in with you. The rest of the week he was up early to go to the gym and went straight to the studio from there.

              It was just after lunch when Shawn went to take a quick shower. You had gotten up earlier than him and tidied the condo, he helped cleaning as soon as he was up. Breakfast was forgotten when you started cooking, and he joined you for lunch before he had to get ready for the day.

“Bubs are you going to be home for dinner?” You asked him, reading from the couch with a blanket draped over your lap.

“I’m not sure honey, just don’t wait on me,” He was in a pair of grey joggers and a slightly oversized hoodie when he walked past you. “I’ll try not to be too late to come to bed, I hate it when you stay up for too long,”

              You closed your book and kept a finger between the pages you were at. “You’d stay up too if you were expecting me to come home,” You stared at him rather than at the words on the old yellow paper. Poetry was beautiful but Shawn was a prettier sight.

“Yeah, I would,” He pushed his wet hair back, the curls slowly taking form on his head as they dried in what you knew would soon be a mess. He never cared what he looked like when going to the studio, he just wanted to be comfy so that he only had to focus on his writing.

              He looked adorable in this outfit. Shawn was a giant teddy bear and the only thing you wanted to do today was hug him, so you asked exactly for that. “Can I get a hug?” You opened your arms expectantly, your book forgotten on the coffee table with a pen between the pages.

              Shawn didn’t answer, he only smiled brighter and strode over to you to engulf you in his arms. You sat up straighter to be able to hold him better, pulling on his shoulders to make him bend further down to your level. The smell of his shower gel made you swoon, and you buried your face against the warm skin of his neck.

“Honey,” Shawn cooed, and he sat down on the edge of the couch since he couldn’t stand back up with you clutching his shoulders. “I need to get going,”

“I want to cuddle,”

“I won’t be home too late, and we can cuddle all you want then,” He promised with a kiss to your forehead. “Alright?”

Shawn got up, straightening his hoodie out and going to the front door, about to leave. “But that’s not fair,” You whined, making grabby hands at him and pouting. “You’re all fresh out of the shower in the comfiest clothes, I wanna cuddle now,”

“Don’t,” He groaned quietly, torn between you and the songs he wanted to finish. He knew he had been neglecting quality time with you for the past few days, and it showed. You were acting like a baby and you knew it, but you were extra needy for him considering you barely got to do anything together lately.

“Stop being cuddling material if you’re not going to cuddle me.” You dropped your hands back in your lap, bringing the comforter higher up on you and bending your legs to curl up on yourself.

              Shawn bit his lip, trying to find a good solution to this situation. “Why don’t you come to the studio with me?” He offered before he could overthink it.

“Really?” You didn’t think he was serious, he never let you stay when he was writing. You had been there often, but never when it was a proper jamming session and he was trying to write. “I thought you didn’t like that, I don’t want to distract you,”

“You’re not going to be a distraction love, you’re my inspiration, I need you with me today. If you want to come, that is,” He fiddled with his keys and beamed when you nodded, dashing across the living room to get your things before putting shoes on and following him out the door.

              Watching Shawn work was fascinating. He had a few people around him to help him, but they were only additions to him. He was at the center of everything, this album was entirely him, the others only helped him bring his thoughts together.

“Alright man, we need to put real lyrics on this,” Teddy tried to get him to find a line or two, something they could work with. “Just because it’s going to be a love song doesn’t mean we’re not going to make sure we find the right words,”

“Yeah, yeah I’m thinking,” Shawn nodded, pacing around the studio, snapping his fingers rhythmically and bobbing his head as he hummed a melody to try to form words that would fit.

              He was frustrated. It wasn’t hot in the studio yet Shawn was getting too warm, he had taken his hoodie off a little while ago and was only left in his t-shirt, something that would surely come off in the booth when he tried to record vocals later on. You were wearing the hoodie now, comfortably drowning in it as you turned the pages of your book and focused on reading. Listening to Shawn working was nice at the start but you didn’t have any input in his process, so you ended up needing a distraction.

              Scott squinted at the board as if that would magically make words appear on it. They ran through the melody over and over again, playing the song and humming along to it in hope it would spark something.

“That’s not working,” Shawn plopped back down on the couch where you were sitting, but he wasn’t paying attention to you. His knee bounced rapidly, and his bottom lip found itself caught between his teeth.

“Okay, talk to us then,” Scott sat cross legged where he was, turning his attention to Shawn rather than the white board. “What’s the purpose of that song? Why are we writing it?”

“Because it’s about how I feel when I come home,” Shawn’s answer came without hesitation, he knew where the song came from, it was one of the deepest feelings he had ever experienced.

“Define home,” Teddy encouraged him to dig deeper, and it seemed that she hit the right spot.

“It’s you,” Shawn nudged you with his elbow, making you look up from your book.

“Mmh?” You hummed because you hadn’t been listening, and he smiled softly.

“Teddy asked me to define home, you’re home, that’s easy,”

“So home is about who is there with you, it’s not just about a place,” She continued, putting him on a path so that he could go down it on his own.

“It’s never just been about a place,” Shawn shrugged. “I mean, I’ve always toured a lot, I had to deal with everywhere being home. It’s related to people for me, not places,”

“So now our love song isn’t just a love song, it’s about feeling at home with a person. What else does she make you feel?”

Shawn thought for a second before he answered. “She makes me…” He began, correcting himself quickly as he turned to you. “You make me feel like I always belong,”

“Don’t interrupt him,” Scott told you as a warning. “We gotta let him ramble on his own for as long as possible,”

“You make me feel like I belong, yeah,” He nodded to himself. “Like… Whenever I feel stupid for saying something that doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t matter. You get it anyway, or you ask me something so that you can understand. It puts me at ease and… and when I’m having one of those weird days and all the fans and people are getting to my head I just look at you, it’s just, it’s like none of it is important, because I’ve got you, you’re steady, you’re normal, you’re home,” Shawn continued, trying not to let himself get distracted by the way you teared up. You both vaguely heard pencils scraping paper as the others took note of what he was saying so that they could go through it again.

“It’s what I crave the most when tour ends, you know, just being alone with you with nothing else happening around. It’s also something I feel when you come see me on tour though, I always get stressed out before you join because I miss you and the anticipation makes it worse,” He fiddled with the hem of his shirt, glancing down at it before looking at you again. You were having trouble not crying. “But then I get to hug you and we’re cuddling, and you start playing with my hair, it’s just so relaxing. It’s like I could live anywhere in the world as long as I’m with you, because for a little while I don’t care about how stressed I’m going to be before playing the next show, I don’t care about what kind of questions will get thrown at me from the fans, I know I’ve got you at the end of the day.

“I overthink a lot, sometimes having so many eyes on me makes me feel like a caged animal, you know they’re just always looking and commenting without caring that I hear them, or that I’d like some privacy,” He reached for your hand, continuing his ramble with a small smile while he played with your fingers. “But then when I’m kissing you the whole world disappears, I don’t care about what’s around, it’s just us, it’s grounding. You just feel like home,”

              You sniffled quietly, nodding along to what he said without interrupting him like Scott had asked, but Shawn had turned silent. He scooted a little closer to you, his knee touching yours while you wiped your thumbs under your eyes.

“Keep it going Shawn, these are good tears it doesn’t matter, just keep going,” Teddy didn’t let him get distracted by wanting to hug you or make you feel better.

              You would have loved a hug and a chance to say something back to him, but if this was working for them to find what the song was supposed to be you didn’t want to ruin it.

“Okay,” He breathed out, closing his eyes for a second and searching for what he wanted to say. “I was really scared of that, for a long time. You being home was… It was terrifying, it had always been my family, you know? I’d go home to Pickering, to my parents, to my sister. But then I met you, and when I came home, I spent more and more time in Toronto, mostly to see you. I didn’t want it to be you though, I didn’t want to be that attached because shit, I’m twenty-two, commitment scares the hell out of me,” He let out a pathetic chuckle, clearing his throat before he kept on going. “I thought I was gonna get my heart broken, that I’d leave for another few months of tour and come back to you telling me we should end it.

“Thing is… that never happened,” He swallowed heavily, remembering how insecure he had been of your relationship for a long time. “You stuck with me through everything and coming back to you was the best thing in the world. It only really hit me when you came on tour though, I was gone for what two months?” He checked and you nodded your confirmation. “Yeah, so two months with only calls and texts, shit that was hard. It was hell honestly, I was so insecure then, I just wanted a break and some time at home. That never happened, obviously, but you came when I was in Italy and… and suddenly I didn’t need to come back to Toronto or Pickering or whatever, you were there, you were home.

“I always say that home is where the heart is, and well… truth is my heart is in your hands now, so you’re my home.”

              You were full on crying before he even finished, and he didn’t hesitate to pull you into his arms. You hugged back as tightly as you could, burying your face in his shoulder and getting the fabric of his shirt wet with your tears. Shawn rubbed your back, squeezing you hard against his chest while you cried quietly.

“I love you so much Shawn,” You whispered, but you knew he could hear you. “So much more than you can imagine,”

“I know honey, I love you too,” He leaned back into the couch slowly, letting you pull away enough for his lips to be able to meet yours.

              It was soft but you kept it short, neither of you were very keen on PDA, you’d have plenty of time for that tonight when you were alone. You got a few fake coughs and ooh’s from everyone else in the room, but Shawn only rolled his eyes.

“Alright, alright,” He said, scratching the back of his neck as he took in everyone that had been listening to what he said without making any noise. They were good at erasing themselves and he was good at blocking them out so that he could pour his heart out without being too self conscious. “Can we work with that?”

“Yeah, we can definitely work with that,”

“Told you you wouldn’t be a distraction,” Shawn nudged you with a soft smile. “You’re my muse.”

.

Please let me know what you thought and give this a reblog!

[imagine-that]

Surprise!

Words: 1,768 words

Warnings: mild swearing, fluffy I guess?

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

An: I don’t usually do titles but I’m trying out new stuff on here lol. I can’t tell if this is good or if it’s word vomit so I’ll let y’all decide 😂. This is for @t-holland2080 ‘s summer writing challenge, I used prompt number 24 “quit arguing and let me kiss you.”

Just as you shut your locker door at the end of the school day, your boyfriend Peter latches onto your shoulders, gently enough that it didn’t do anything to harm you but still scared you.

You let out a yelp in surprise and the surrounding student body turned to look at the two of you, only somewhat confused until they realized it was the two of you.

By then, everyone had grown used to Peters tendencies to jump behind you or sneak up on you anywhere you were. Of course, no one knew that he had his Spider-Man powers to help him with that but they were still used to it nonetheless. Everyone was. Other than you.

“Surprise?” He says into your ear, making you groan a little.

“Jesus Peter you have to stop doing that!” You groaned, making him chuckle slightly.

“Sorry.” He mutters sheepishly, pecking you on the cheek as an apology as you begin to make you way out of the building at a steady pace.

“I’m sure you are.” You say sarcastically, giggling a bit as he holds his hands up to say he’s innocent.

The two of you walk to the bus stop where Peter usually leaves you to get home and on your separate ways but this time as you go to get on with the line of others leaving, his hand gently clasps your wrist to stop you.

“Happy is picking me up today so why don’t you come along? Happy loves us it’ll be fun!” He says enthusiastically.

“Peter, I’m pretty sure Happy is actually more annoyed by us than anything.” You argue with a laugh.

“Ok but he does love you so let’s uh... let’s go!” He says with a very nervous looking grin.

He begins to charge through the crowd with your hand in his own, shocking you as you bump shoulders with several strangers and hear the grunts of irritation from your fellow classmates.

“Peter slow the hell down!” You cry, tugging on his arm to bring him to a halt.

“I would but um... Happy’s uh... waiting so we gotta go!” He rambles, starting to move again.

You cross your arms over your chest, raising an eyebrow at him as he finally stops and refuses to meet your eye.

“Are you... are you coming?” He stammers, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

You eye him suspiciously, questioning in your mind for the hundredth time how he was ever able to keep the Spider-Man secret from anyone or even just sneak up on you the way he usually did when he could hardly hide whatever the hell he had planned for the two of you.

“I’ll come.” You say, arms still crossed. His face lights up like a Christmas tree when you say so. “If you tell me what’s going on.” You add, letting your arms drop back to your sides.

His face falls into a childish, puppy dog faced frown. “But y/n! It’ll ruin the surprise!” He whines.

Your y/e/c eyes become saucers as he goes silent and groans, clearly upset with himself for spoiling it.

“Peter!” You sigh, leaning on him as you walk to the car parked by the curb. “You know I hate surprises. It usually means you jumping out at me and terrifying me.” You lecture, entertwining your hands as you walk, swinging them back and forth to distract yourself.

“I know, I’m sorry.” He says with another sheepish grin. “I just like making you happy.” He adds with a smile.

“You can do that without scaring the bajeezus out of me!” You counter with a giggle as you snuggles yourself into his side for a second, letting go only to get into the car.

“Hi Happy!” Peter says, trying to get himself out of the situation. Happy grunts in acknowledgement, glancing back in the rear view mirror as he starts to drive.

“Oh hi y/n!” He says somewhat happily when he finally notices you nuzzling up to Peter,already knowing how much it would bug the boy beside you. Peters mouth drops open, looking between the two of you in shock.

“I- that hurts Happy, I thought you were in charge of me!” He cries.

“I am. But I actually like your girlfriend/boyfriend/significant other.” He responds with a shrug, smiling a bit at you while you giggle and Peter sulks.

“Don’t touch that! Or that!” Happy starts ordering about fifteen minutes later as the car pulls into the long driveway of the avengers compound and Peter reaches around like a child to press the buttons in front of him.

You palm a snicker as Peter once again pouts like a kid.

“And you wonder why he pretends not to like you.” You murmur jokingly into Peters ear, giggling even more as he scoffs in protest.

“Thanks for the ride Happy.” You say gleefully, stepping out of the back and pulling your school bag over your shoulder.

“Yep thanks.” Peter says, pretending to be bitter.

Happy rolls his eyes and drives off to go park the car, leaving you with Peter who once again grabs your hand and yanks you up the steps and into the compound.

“Where are we going?” You shout as the two of you run through the halls.

“A secret.” He says and you sigh again.

“Peter-“ you start but you’re quick to stop when you step through the doors into the lab where Tony Stark himself stands, working on one of his famous suits.

“Holy shit.” You breath, staring at him nervously.

“Uh.... Mr Stark, this is y/n my uh... my girlfriend/boyfriend/significant other. Y/n, this is Mr Stark.” Peter says nervously, waving stiffly at the man.

“Hello there y/n. Only Peter really calls me Mr Stark, call me Tony if you want.” He offers and you blink at him, not sure how to react.

“H-hi Tony.” You muster with a wave of your own, mouth opening and closing like a goldfish.

“I felt the same way the first time I met him. Also, surprise!” Peter whispers from behind you, causing you to jump around and realize how close he was.

“Jesus!” You mutter, a hand over your heart.

“A little jumpy?” Tony asks, lowering his sunglasses to look at Peter.

“A little would be kind of a um... an understatement mr Stark.” He responds, laughing as you turn to glare at him playfully.

“Well... what was it? Y/n, right?” Tony asks, turning to you. You nod your head rapidly, too awestruck to speak.

“You can feel free to watch me work while Underoos does whatever it is he’s planning to do for you two if you want.” He informs you, turning back to his work desk.

You snicker again at the nickname and Peters face falls in shock, blushing profusely, the tips of his ears burning a furiously bright red. He pushes you over to the desk, knowing you need a push to get up the courage.

You cautiously watch over Tony’s shoulder as he tinkers with the build of the suit, explaining a little what he’s doing as he goes.

A minute later, you find yourself suddenly swinging through the air in someone’s arms.

You scream, caught fully by surprise. “Peter!” You shriek, scared out of your mind as you quickly grab hold of him until your knuckles almost white.

“Hi.” He murmurs through his mask, clearly scared by your scream. On the ground, Tony winces at the high pitched noise.

“You know that would terrify me! You knew- oh my god we’re basically flying. Holy shit!” You cry, laughing a little to yourself.

“Yep. Pretty cool isn’t it?” Peter says, moving his mask slightly so you can see his regular toothy smile.

You giggle a little, stopping abruptly. “No! You could’ve killed me- jeeze you... you could’ve given me a heart attack!” You wail, looking at him with wide eyes.

He tries and fails not to chuckle at your dramatics, swinging himself low enough to put you safely on solid ground. He flips himself upside down, clearly showing off for you as much as he can without looking awkward.

“Just quit arguing and let me kiss you.” He says, moving his mask again so you can clearly see his deep brown eyes and his goofy grinning face. When he sees the the quirked up eyebrow on your seemingly unimpressed face, he blushes a little, his ears going red. “Please?” He adds, smiling as adorably as he can muster.

You bite your tongue, trying to hide the giggle tickling your throat but quickly burst out into a laugh, grabbing his head with a shake of your own. “You’re lucky I love you, you dork.” You say with a smile, moving forward and kissing him smack dab on the lips.

His grin widens from ear to ear. That’s when you finally fully notice his suit, a grin spreading across your own lips at the sight.

“I’m actually dating Spider-Man.” You state, looking at him with a disbelieving laugh.

“Haha... yep!” He exclaims as he uses a web to swing around you in a circle, making you squeal as he lands quietly behind you. Your eyebrows furrow as you look around for him, not sure where he could be.

“Surprise!” He shouts in your ear, making you scream again. Tony is quick to cover his ears this time, still wincing.

“You look good in that suit.” You inform him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and smiling up at him.

He blushes again, smiling awkwardly. “Thanks babe...” he stammers, avoiding eye contact. “Now come over here cause I believe I said to let ME kiss YOU.” He reminds you, and you roll your eyes, letting him bend down and place his lips on yours.

Tony groans, clearly pretending to be grossed out.

“Ok, teenage love birds. Take it out of the lab!” He orders, pointing at the door. You blush, staring at him in shock again but Peter is quick to scoop you up in his arms, swinging the both of you out the doorway and through the compound with your arms tightly around him.

Your afternoon is spent staring at the other Avengers in shock, chatting with a few of them and swinging through the air on Peters webs.

“So... good surprise?” Peter asks sheepishly when you’re finished, grinning excitedly as you laugh for the millionth time that day.

“Yes Peter, for once it was good.” You admit with a smile of your own.

Peter dances around the hallways of the compound goofily, making you fall into a fit of giggles.

You shake your head as he swings around in celebration, knowing full well how much of a handful he is and knowing it would always be worth it for him.

[cali-holland]

Sammy’s Summer Writing Challenge!!!

Sooo I’ve never held my own writing challenge before, but I really wanted to do this because writing challenges are always a great source of new fics 🥰 I’m really excited about this, and I hope you all have fun & enjoy this too! Let’s see how this goes! 💕💕💕

Read all the fics here

Rules:

Deadline to submit is midnight pdt (aka california time) on Sunday, August 16th, 2020- message me if you need more time

Anyone can enter; you don’t have to follow me (but that’d be great if you did haha)

Please send me an ask/message with which prompt you’d like to do (and preferably which character)

For right now, 2 writers per prompt (if more people participate, I’ll allow more). I’ll be updating this post with who’s doing what prompt!

Can be fluff or angst

Smut is also allowed, but please no full smut fics because i won’t read it :( and i really wanna read all of these (note: i’ll skip the smut if it’s like a section of it). If it is smut, please make your characters 18+ and mark it as nsfw.

Minimum word count is 500 words; no maximum

Can be one shot or a series

Can be either “x reader” or with an original character

AU’s are allowed too

Please use trigger warnings if your fic is on a sensitive subject

When you post your finished fic, please tag me and feel free to message it to me as well so I see it. Also, use the tag “sammy’s summer writing challenge” when you post it too.

All fics will be reblogged under the same tag (“sammy’s summer writing challenge”) on my account and posted on a masterlist

Characters:

Tom Holland

Harrison Osterfield

Harry Holland

Sam Holland

Peter Parker

Shawn Mendes

* If you want to do another character, please check with me first *

Prompt List:

1-36 are one liners

37-50 are multiple liners

Italics indicate the prompt is no longer available

“You’re like my fairy godmother.”

“I just don’t know how much I can take. I can die hanging on the words she/he says.”

“You snore when you sleep.”

“Why do we always end up like this?”

“I swear, if you don’t get your ass out of my face.”

“You think girls are dramatic, but you’ve clearly never seen a guy die in a video game.” ~ @anapocalypseinmymind​

“You’re a terrible kisser.”

“Believe me, I’m not going anywhere.”

“I just really want to kiss you right now.” ~ @tombob2005​

“This is all my fault.”

“I’m never falling in love again.”

“Did you just lick me?”

“I will do everything to make this right.”

“Don’t kiss me like you’re never going to see me again because you will, I’ll always be with you.”

“Why did you call me at 2 in the morning?”~ @duskholland​

“Now, watch and learn.”

“You wish you were as cool as me.”

“Stop being cuddling material if you’re not going to cuddle me.” ~ @theshawnmendesstorycollection​

“Wanna run away with me?”

“You’re cute when you’re mad.” ~ @theamazingtomholland​

“But what if we aren’t meant to be?” ~ @parkersbliss​

“My heart’s always been yours, dummy.”

“I don’t need [insert hot celeb], I need you.”

“Quit arguing and let me kiss you” ~ @imagine-that

“Hey, hey, it’s alright. I’ve got you.”

“I promise.” ~ @unsaidholland

“You’re not exactly serious boyfriend/girlfriend material.” ~ @harrysleftchelseaboot

“Do you want a massage?”

“If you want cookies, then make your own damn cookies.”

“Always.” ~ @musicalkeys & @petersoftboyparker

“She/he lied to me. I’m so turned on right now.”

“Falling in love with you was never a part of the plan. It just happened, but it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” ~ @chloecreatesfictions​ & @kickingn-ames​

“I can’t just talk to him/her. That’s not how I flirt.”

“You make me feel fireworks again.” ~ @bi-writes

“Last time you had a good idea, I got a black eye.” ~ @sinceweremutual

“Why are there rose petals all over the floor?”

“I’m the reasonable one here.” “You’re drunk.” “Are you saying that I can’t be drunk and reasonable?” “I’m saying you’re too drunk to be reasonable.”

“I need help.” “I’m not helping you pop a zit, if that’s what you’re going to ask.”

“You look like shit.” “God, you suck at flirting.”

“Why did you make me do this?” “It was your idea.”

“I think I miscalculated something.” “You think?”

“You’re not very good at the walk of shame.” “What makes you say that?” “Your pants are on inside out.”

“If you say golf one more time, I will beat you with this stick.” “That’s a golf club.” this is very holland + co but it’s great

“Stop looking at me like that.” “Like what?” “Like I’m your everything.” “But you are.” ~ @peachyxholland​

“Why are you bleeding?” “It’s just a flesh wound.”

“I love you.” “I’m not going to say ‘I know’ like Han Solo.” ~ @hollanderfangirl

“You’re so dramatic.” “That’s rich coming from the person who acts like everything is an Adele song.” ~ @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh

“I think I hurt you.” “That’s not possible.”

“Are you mad?” “No, I’m fucking furious.”

“You’re different than I thought you’d be.” “Why do you say that like it’s a bad thing?”

* Prompt list is inspired by other prompt lists, movies, & songs as well as just random little one/multiple liners I’ve thought of *

Tagging my wonderful mutuals (even if you’re on a writing break haha, im gonna tag you anyway because i love you): @theamazingtomholland @saysomethingspiderman @duskholland @unsaidholland @parkersbliss @etoileholland @chloecreatesfictions @harrysleftchelseaboot @hollandsamor @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh @bi-writes @demureland @cosmicholland @petersholland @fallinfortom @sunshinehollandd @sunkisseddreamer

[duskholland]

Say Goodnight | Harrison Osterfield

Summary ↠ you and Harrison broke up before he left to chase his dreams in Hollywood. With 5,000 miles between you, you’re both struggling to adjust to life without the other; exes to lovers; prompt: “why did you call me at 2 in the morning?”

Warnings ↠ angst with a happy ending, a breakup, one curse word?

Word Count ↠ 2.7k

A/N ↠ I miss Harrison. A lot. And I haven’t written enough for him, so...here ya go! This is definitely inspired by Ariana Grande’s song goodnight n go, which never fails to hit me in the feels (listen to the version from her live album... it’s magic).

This is also my fic for @t-holland2080​‘s writing challenge! Thanks so much for hosting such a fun challenge Sammy - I hope you enjoy this :)

(a repost because tumblr decided to block me out the tags lmao)

You didn’t think it was possible to cry this much.

Harrison’s standing in front of you, glistening tear tracks running down his rosy cheeks. His eyes shift over your face, guiltily running the lines and curves of your cheeks and your forehead, trying desperately to stay away from your eyes, because you both know that seeing the heartbreak reflected in his icy blue gaze will be too much. Your chest hurts and you’re shaking, but you know that everything he’s said is true. You know that breaking up is for the best.

But that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

“I still love you,” Harrison tells you quietly. He rocks back on his feet, his teeth grazing his lower lip before he adds, “I’ll always love you, Y/N. The timing just…”

“The timing isn’t right,” you finish. With shaky hands, you reach up behind your neck and your fingers fiddle with the clasp of the necklace Harrison had draped around you, all those months ago. He makes a small sound of objection as the chain falls heavily into your hands and you hold it out in front of you. “Keep it,” you urge. You finally let yourself meet his eyes, and you try to stay strong as you grab his hand and push the chain into his palm. “So you don’t forget about me whilst you’re off being a movie star.”

Harrison reluctantly pockets the chain, his eyes lingering on the solid curve of the H. “I could never forget about you, Y/N.”

It’s not fair. It’s not fair that the only way Harrison can pursue his dreams is 5,000 miles away, across the Atlantic in America. It’s even more unfair that you can’t go with him because you’re enrolled in university in London. But worst of all, neither of you signed up for a long-distance relationship when you first began dating, and now you’ve had to come to the mutual, heartbreaking decision that breaking up is going to be easier than stringing out a virtual relationship together. It doesn’t matter that you love Harrison more than you’ve ever loved another person, nor that he holds you so closely to his heart that he’s certain you’ve somehow intertwined yourself with his soul: long-distance is too much, and you both think you’ll be too busy to maintain your relationship. Neither of you want to sit by and watch your relationship break down.

So breaking up is simpler, supposedly.

“You should go,” you find yourself saying, swallowing down the lump in your throat. Your hand rests on your front door knob, the cool brass feeling icy against your warm skin. You use your other hand to sweep beneath your cheeks, trying to stop the endless flow of tears from your eyes. “Don’t want you to miss your flight, Haz.”

He runs his hand through his hair, a grimace spread across his face.

“I- Are you sure this is the right choice?” He asks, echoing the words you’ve both been saying for days.

You shrug helplessly. “I don’t know,” you admit. “But I know that I can’t stand here waiting for you to walk away any longer.” You release a deep breath. “Just go, Harrison. Please.”

And he looks like he really wants to stay. His feet twitch, as if he’s about to push his way back into your flat and throw himself down on the sofa like he’s done a thousand times before. But his eyes pass over your tearful, heart stricken face, and he finally sighs, slipping his hands into his back pockets as he manages a weak smile.

“Goodbye, Y/N,” he says softly, his lips curving around the words with ease. The way he says your name so fondly causes the pain in your chest to crack and expand.

“Bye, Harrison.”

And then he turns, slowly, and you watch as he drags his feet down the corridor. Harrison pauses when he reaches the staircase, one hand on the door as he casts his eyes back towards you. Your mouth twitches into a smile instinctively: the sight of his face, his loose blond curls, and his friendly smile never fails to make you feel warmer - even now, as he walks out of your life, taking a piece of your heart with him.

You raise your hand in a final wave, and then Harrison steels himself and walks through the door at the end of the corridor, leaving you standing alone in your doorway, a lump in your throat and a weight hanging so heavily in your heart that you know you won’t be forgetting him any time soon.

[-----]

Life without Harrison is hard.

Before you’d started dating him a year ago, you hadn’t believed love could feel so fulfilling or right. But then you’d stumbled into him at Tom’s birthday party and you’d immediately hit it off, and everything had changed. You think it would be hard not to instantly fall in love with Harrison: he’s charming, witty, and he carries such a bright light in his eyes that he had you hook, line, and sinker within the first ten minutes of your conversation.

As you try to move on, you find Harrison haunting your every move. You open Instagram and you see his posts and stories staring you right in the face, broadcasting his life out in LA with his new friends and castmates, and it stings. When you strike out and find yourself in the pub with Sam, all you can think about is how you used to frequent the place with him, and your eyes find the corner booth you’d used to sit in, your figure usually curled up in Harrison’s lap. You can almost feel the presence of his slender, delicate fingers wrapped around your waist as you gaze longingly at the booth.

And the most frustrating part of it all? Harrison seems fine. He seems completely unbothered, which just serves to twist the knife further into your chest every time your thumb hovers over his contact photo, or you start writing out a lengthy, emotional text. You’ve heard nothing from him, and it makes you question everything you’d thought you’d had together.

Everything changes one Wednesday night, around six weeks after Harrison had left.

You’re woken up by the loud, shrill ringing of your phone. You try to ignore it at first, groaning as you roll over on your side and try to press your head into your pillows, but it just keeps going, and it seems to rattle louder against your skull the longer it prattles on. So, after releasing a stream of your best expletives, you roll over and snatch it off your bedside table, accepting the call before you’ve even had time to check the caller ID.

“Hello?” You croak, clearing your throat immediately as you hear the fatigue hanging heavy in your throat.

“Y/N.”

Suddenly you’re wide awake.

“Harrison?!” You exclaim, sitting bolt upright. You bring your knees to your chest as you pull the duvet around you, trying to hide beneath the warm sheets as if they’ll protect you from the way that hearing his voice unleashes an onslaught of painful emotions. “What’s going on?”

Harrison doesn’t reply for a few moments, but merely the sound of his level, familiar breathing is enough to bring tears to your eyes. You try to push them away as your heart races in your chest, so many emotions flying through your heart that it feels consuming.

“Uh, nothing,” he eventually says softly. “Sorry. It doesn’t matter.”

“Then why did you call me at 2 in the morning?”

The sound of his chuckle is forced, but it’s so lovely to hear him again that you can’t stop yourself from smiling. “Oh, I didn’t realise it was so late,” he says, “‘m sorry, love.”

“It’s okay. I missed your voice.” It slips out before you can really stop it.

“I missed your voice too,” Harrison admits, voice thick. “I miss you so much, Y/N.”

You swallow deeply, running your fingers over the crinkles of your duvet as you think. Your mind runs slowly, clouded with your fatigue and your emotions, and you really don’t know how to take this all, but you know that hearing his voice makes you happy - more happy than you’ve felt in weeks.

“I miss you too,” you mumble down the line. Your fingers ache from how tightly you’re gripping the phone. “How’s LA?”

Harrison chuckles, and you hear a noise in the background as if he’s climbing into a bed. You can almost imagine him: his lanky legs spreading out over the sheets, a low groan slipping past his lips as he stretches out his arms and back. That lazy pink smirk hanging freely from his perfect lips. The image burns into your eyelids.

“LA is mad,” he tells you honestly. “It’s a whole different world over here, Y/N. It’s… It’s exciting, but it’s so different to London. I wish it would all slow down.”

“You’re really busy then?”

He hums lightly. “Yeah. I’m either on-set or doing fittings or rehearsals.”

“Are you having fun?”

Harrison takes a while to ponder your question.

“Yes,” he says, bringing a swell of tears to the front of your eyes. “But I’d be so much happier if you were here too.”

You try to disguise your sniffles, but you’re almost certain he can hear them. “Well… I’m not,” you manage. “I’m glad it’s giving you everything you wanted.”

There’s a very awkward, very thick silence that envelops the line, and it makes you shift uncomfortably in your sheets.

“I should let you sleep,” Harrison says, guilt lacing his words. “I’m sorry for waking you up. I shouldn’t have called you.”

“Oh, okay.” Your free hand clenches into a hard fist as you try to stop your lower lip from wobbling. “Don’t worry about it, Haz. I’m always here if you want someone to talk to.” A small smile flicks out across your lips. “Doesn’t matter what time it is.” I love you - those three unspoken words hang between you. You can feel them, surrounding you, smothering you, and you can almost hear them on the tip of Harrison’s tongue, so you jump in to add, “Goodnight, Harrison,” because you really can’t bear to hear them.

You can feel his reluctance, but you release a deep breath as he says, begrudgingly, “Goodnight, Y/N.”

You hang up quickly, your fingers trembling as you toss the phone down the bed. The blank screen stares at you, taunting you, and you’re overcome with such a strong sense of regret that you almost reach out and call him back. Your body craves him - his soft, melodic voice, his gentle words, his love.

Your phone starts ringing, and you snatch it back up, eyes taking in the image of Harrison’s contact photo as he flashes over the screen. You accept it without a second thought.

“I don’t want to say goodnight yet,” Harrison says immediately, words falling into one another. “I don’t want to stop talking to you, Y/N. Can we please keep talking? Just for a bit.” He pauses, his voice breaking. “I miss you.”

The relieved smile on your face shows no sign of budging. “I don’t wanna say goodnight either, Haz.”

[-----]

It’s a bad habit, but for the entire time Harrison is away, you end up on the phone with him each evening. The first few times had been fairly spontaneous, but soon it becomes a habit: every day, as Harrison finishes filming, he gives you a call and you have a long, rambling conversation. It breaks up your sleep, but you grow so used to it that you start setting an alarm at 1.50am just so you can grab a cup of tea and wake yourself up before he calls.

It’s definitely inadvisable to stay so connected to your ex-boyfriend, but it feels too good to quit. Harrison is your drug, and every time you hang up the phone, you’re left feeling sad and hollow inside. But it eases the pain of having him so far away, and maybe a part of you deludes yourself by reasoning that your calls are helping you get over him: cutting him out completely was too hard, but maybe sharing these phone calls will help you. Eventually he’ll stop calling, and you’ll be able to heal, because you’ll have practised saying goodbye so many times it’ll feel normal.

But Harrison doesn’t stop calling, and you don’t stop answering, and soon enough, he’s been away for six months, and he’s preparing to move back to London, his film complete.

You don’t really know where you stand with him, if you’re being completely honest. He’s still your ex - but you’re still helplessly in love with him, and you’re fairly sure that most exes don’t spend hours on the phone each day, chatting and laughing like you’re still together. You try to bring it up with him, but every time you start the conversation, your heart clenches in your chest and you wimp out.

You ignore the difficult conversation for as long as you can - which lasts until you hear a loud knock on your front door, and you know that it’s him.

It feels almost like a gravitational pull, drawing you back to his figure. You’ve spent all day pacing your flat, fussing over your hair and your outfit, but for the entire time you’ve spent waiting on his flight arriving, you haven’t been sure if you’d be able to open the door and face him. But now you know that he’s here, your heart seems to act of your own accord.

You wrench your door open, and immediately you’re pulled into a tight, crushing hug. It knocks the air out of your lungs and you wheeze as you feel that familiar set of curls brushing up against your neck, and you feel a few tears slip from your eyes as you take it all in. He’s back.

“Haz,” you exclaim, your voice choked with tears. His hands move over your back, clinging to you, drawing you as close as possible as his rich, earthy cologne invades your system. It doesn’t even matter that his jacket has a collection of chilly raindrops clinging to the leather, because it feels so fucking perfect to have him so near you again that you can’t focus on anything other than him.

“I missed you,” he whimpers, as he pulls away from your neck. His large hands fall on your shoulders as he stares at you intently, his focused eyes whipping the air from your lungs. He looks so cute that you can’t really stop yourself from shifting closer and pressing your lips to his. Immediately you relax, and he does too, and he kisses you back softly. Your mouths are tender at first, pressing together softly - testingly - but as you wrap your hands around his waist and bring him closer, it deepens. Your mind spins with dizzy, overwhelming happiness as you revel in the feeling of Harrison, enjoying him utterly, your heart thrumming happily against your ribs.

“I missed you so much,” you mumble against his lips, kissing him between each word. Your fingers drift into his hair, and you smile as he hums in agreement.

“We are so stupid,” he says, drawing a laugh from your lips. “Can’t believe we ever thought breaking up was for the best.” His mouth shifts up to press a lingering kiss to your forehead. “I love you so much, Y/N. Please, can we get back together?” His words are desperate, but they echo the things you’ve been feeling for months, and hearing them is such a relief that you simply have to kiss him again.

“Yes, yes, yes,” you whisper, moving to rest your forehead on his shoulder. Harrison brings you into a warm hug, and you let him hold you as you breathe him in. “I missed you. I love you.” You tilt your head back, meeting his eyes gleefully. “I’m so glad that you’re back.”

Harrison reaches down and pulls a familiar, glinting chain from his pocket. Your gaze softens as you pull away from him and tilt your head, letting him wrap the necklace back around your neck. The H pendant settles gently over your chest, and it feels like coming home.

“Perfect,” he comments, and you’re not sure if he’s talking about you or the necklace, but you’re willing to accept either.

With a warm smile on your face, you move aside and welcome him inside. “D’you want a cup of tea?” You offer.

Harrison steps across the threshold and presses a final, loving kiss to your lips. “There’s nothing I’d like more.”

----

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send me some feedback?

[petersasteria]

Rumor Has It - Tom Holland (High School AU)

Pairing:  Jock!Tom x Musical!Reader, BFF!Haz x Reader

This is my entry for @t-holland2080‘s writing challenge, but since I took a writing break from here, I didn't write it. The prompt was an Adele related quote and tbf, I've had this idea for about a month. So, I thought of mixing them up together. I've been re-watching Glee. Hence, the high school au and the Glee inspired stuff throughout this one shot.

Prompt: "You're so dramatic." "That's rich coming from the person who acts like everything is an Adele song."

Add yourself to my taglist if you’re cool x

5.3k words omg lmao hope y’all enjoy I guess

Part 2

* * * *

Rumors. No one liked them, but every day there seemed to be a rumor made up by someone. Rumors tear other people down in a lot of ways. The idea of lies spreading everywhere wasn't ideal for everyone, yet people seem to really believe them. No one knows who starts a new rumor and no one knows how they come up with it. Rumors are basically the outcome of a person's creativity put into terrible, terrible use.

Last week, someone spread a rumor about you getting your lips fixed even though you didn't. Whoever said it was clearly false, because you wouldn't want to put your talent at risk even though it wouldn't really affect your voice.

The rumors had different themes every week. Last week, it was all about someone getting any part of their body changed. This week, however, was all about break ups. Of course, your relationship with Tom wasn't spared by that rumor.

You were dating a popular guy. Of course they'll be rumors about you two breaking up. Only this time, it felt real.

Everyday you felt like Tom was slipping away from you and you didn't want that. You didn't want your favorite person out of your life yet. You've only been dating for a year and a half and you actually planned to have a future with him. You were sure.

You already had everything planned out. You were moving to New York to pursue your Broadway dreams and Tom would move with you. Both of you were applying for colleges there and you were so excited.

You were settling with him. The only question you asked yourself every night was: 'Is Tom settling for me too?' You weren't stupid, though. You knew you were losing him to the captain of the cheer leading squad. How cliché, right? He would always talk about her, he would talk to her, walk her to class and go as far as comparing her to you. It hurt. What hurt most was that he didn't even notice he was doing all of those things.

"So what'll you do with the whole Tom and what's-her-name thing?" Harrison asked you when you both entered the glee club's classroom. "I know this week's rumor is all about break ups and shit. I don't even know why rumors have themes but it is what it is, I guess. But anyway, I heard from Lauren who heard from Samantha who heard from Dylan who heard from Adam that Tom was leaving you for her."

You sighed and shook your head, "Let's not talk about it, okay? But I'm expecting that he'll break up with me soon. I mean, I won't be surprised because the rumors of our break up are beginning to come true."

"Just know that no matter what happens, I'm here for you." Harrison smiled as both of you took your seat. You looked at him and smiled as you took his hand in yours and squeezed it. It was your way of saying thank you.

This week's glee club assignment was to sing an Adele song and you loved it. You loved Adele. Her songs held so much angst and you live for it. Sometimes, you thought that Adele was taking over your life because some of her songs matched every situation in your life.

Out of all of Adele's songs, you didn't know what to sing. Thankfully, Tom helped you out by breaking up with you the next day over the phone.

"Tom, we had plans for New York!" You pleaded.

Tom rolled his eyes and huffed, "Those are YOUR plans! If you want to move to New York so much, then move there with your loser best friend, Harvey!"

"His name is Harrison-"

"I don't fucking care. Move there with him if you want to move there so much. I want to move to L.A. I don't fit in at New York, Y/N." Tom sighed. "We both want different things and with her, it's different in a good way. We both want the same things and I can see myself having a great future with her."

"What about me?" You asked softly.

"What about you?" Tom furrowed his eyebrows. He just wanted to end the conversation already because he was preparing to get ready for a date.

"A-At some point, " You started. "Did you ever see yourself having a great future with me?"

Tom paused for a second and thought about it. Did he? Sure, he loved you at some point and he cared about you. He didn't know when he stopped. But he knew that he still cared about you. You were his first real girlfriend.

"I, uh, honestly? Of course I did. We've been together for a year and a half and I loved you and cared about you. Please don't doubt that." Tom answered.

"Well, what does she have that I don't?" You questioned even though you wished he wouldn't answer it because it would hurt you.

"She's all the things you're not, Y/N." Tom said. "She's not too focused on her career. She's not too competitive and she doesn't sing show tunes all the fucking time."

You stayed quiet as tears streamed down your face. 'So that's what he thinks of me.' You thought to yourself.

"Look, Y/N. I'm really really sorry." Tom said through the phone as you cried your eyes out. "I loved you. I really did, but I don't love you anymore. There's someone-"

"There's someone else. I know. It's the cheer leading captain." You cried. "I get it, though. She has everything that I don't have and it makes sense how you'd go after a girl like her because both of you are perfect for each other. But just remember that there's one thing I can do that she can't."

"What's that?"

"She can't love you like I can. But you're willing to throw that away so goodbye, Thomas." You sniffed and wiped your tears away with your free hand.

"Bye, Y/N. Don't be a stra-"

You quickly hung up and cried. You hastily called Harrison and he went to your house as soon as he could with post-break up items. When he arrived, he ran straight to your room and you pulled him in for a hug.

"He's an asshole, I swear!" Harrison said as he pulled away and put the stuff he brought on your bed. You wiped your tears and looked at it, "What the hell is that?"

"It's a post-break up kit that I made." Harrison proudly said. "I know it's a little big than a usual kit but I don't know what else to call it. Inside, there's a bottle of wine, some popcorn, chips and a ton of flyers from different pizza places all stapled together for when you want to buy some pizza."

"That's so thoughtful of you." You chuckled. "What made you do this?"

"Well, my sister had her first ever heartbreak a few months back and as her older brother, it's my job to make sure she gets treated the way men should treat her. Then my cousin got heartbroken and I gave her a post-break up kit too. She told me it works." Harrison smiled. "You're my third customer, y'know. I refuse to let my favorite girl get heartbroken over some guy."

"Hey, he's not just some guy." You argued as you peeked inside the post-break up kit.

"Fine. He's not." Harrison said as he got the stapled flyers from the kit. "He may not be just some guy for you, but you're just some girl for him. I don't want my best friend to be just some girl. In fact, I don't want the girls in my life; my mum, my sister, my cousin, my niece when she grows up or who else, become just 'some girl' to some guy who can't appreciate what they have. All of you are special and you all deserve to feel special because all of you are amazing." He looked at you as you sat down on your bed. He sat next to you.

"I'm sorry if it sounded harsh, but you deserve the truth and the truth always hurts. I'm just keeping it real with you." He added.

You sighed, "I just- I miss being his, y'know? I miss being his girl, his everything and all that."

Harrison scoffed and shook his head, "In case you didn't know, you haven't been his girl ever since he started looking at what's-her-name's way. You haven't been his girl ever since he didn't walk you home. You haven't been his girl when he didn't pick you up after glee club meetings and you haven't been his girl when when started comparing her to you."

"You deserve better than that, Y/N. I know it's not my place to say anything at all, but you should've left him when he started slipping away because that's when it usually starts." Harrison said and suddenly the wall started to look interesting to him. "They start slipping away but you stay because you believe that they'll come to their senses and come back. But they don't. Then you blame yourself for not being good enough when they leave you. It's always like that. So, if you ever feel like someone's slipping away from you, just leave and make your life easier."

"I don't know what to say except you're right." You nodded. "Also, you're so dramatic." You chuckled as you looked at each other.

Harrison playfully rolled his eyes and smiled, "That's rich coming from the person who acts like everything is an Adele song."

"Speaking of Adele, I know what to sing for the glee club assignment." You said as you took out the bottle of wine from the kit Harrison gave you.

"And what song would that be?" Harrison asked.

"Someone Like You." You said as you stood up and walked out of your room to get two glasses for your wine.

When you left, Harrison said to himself, "Huh. Queen shit right there. I love that fucking song. Now, I don't know what to fucking sing for the assignment."

You came back in the room and Harrison said, "I'll order us pizza."

"Okay. Thanks." You smiled.

When Monday came, it was hard to look at Tom because he was with that girl he left you for. Lucky for you, Harrison was there and never left your side. When the time for glee club came, you told your teacher that you were ready to sing your song.

"I heard that you settled down, that you found a girl and you're married now." You sang beautifully and everyone was in awe. Especially Harrison. It was at that moment that he knew he liked you and that he'll do anything for you.

"Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead." You ended the song and smiled as everyone clapped. You went back to your seat next to Harrison and he smiled at you.

"You were great." Harrison grinned. "I think you'll do just fine without Tom."

You smiled at him and didn't say anything. Eventually, he was right. You were able to move on from Tom after two weeks of moping around for him. You realized you didn't want to waste your time in moping around for some guy who left you for someone else. Great stars became great stars when they were single.

Rumors. Rumors spread everywhere and they spread all the time. This week's theme of rumors were about new couples. Of course, Tom and that other girl were being talked about. They were the new 'it couple'. Rumors about you and Harrison dating were being surfaced. Of course, you didn't confirm nor deny them. No one should really care whether you two were together or not.

The truth was, you only went out on a couple of dates which you both enjoyed. You and Harrison weren't official yet, though. You were taking it slow.

On the flip side, Tom was bothered that you seemed to have forgotten all about him. He thought you would beg for him and he was kind of hurt that you didn't beg for him. It hurt his ego.

So when you were alone one day, Tom approached you when he saw you putting your things in your locker. "Hey Y/N." Tom smiled at you.

You looked at him and raised an eyebrow at him. It was weird that he spoke to you at all after the break up. He was the one who broke up with you over the phone and it confused you that he was talking to you. "Um, what do you want?" You asked.

"Ouch. Is that how you talk to the love of your life?" Tom put a hand on his chest, pretending to be hurt.

You rolled your eyes and closed your locker as you clutched your book tighter, "You haven't been the love of my life for, like, two weeks now. Get over yourself, Holland. If you're to ask help in studying, I won't help you. That's what your girlfriend is for. You told me that she's all the things I'm not. So, I assume that she's smarter than me."

Tom was about to talk when Harrison interrupted and looked between you and Tom, "What's going on here?"

You've never been more relieved in your life. You smiled at Harrison and shook your head, "Nothing important."

Harrison nodded and turned to you, "C'mon! I promised I'd take you out for lunch today."

You grinned, "Oh, right!"

"You'd love the place, I swear!" He offered his hand to you and you happily grabbed it.

"Bye, Thomas." You smiled politely before Harrison dragged you out of school. You laughed causing Harrison to laugh too.

Tom watched both of you leave the school premises and frowned. You've never rejected him before. He kind of always expected you to choose him all the time above all circumstances and he was surprised that you didn't. What did Harrison have that he didn't? He knew it was kind of silly to react this way, but he wasn't used to it. Right now, he hated Harrison for changing you. He never really had a problem with Harrison before, but right now Harrison was his enemy because he stole you away from him.

Tom had been acting weird around you lately and you wanted to file a restraining order, but Harrison said it was too much. At this point, you've been going out on dates with Harrison two months now. Both of you wanted to make it official, but both of you didn't know that.

"I'm sorry I can't attend glee club today and walk you home." Harrison said guiltily. You shook your head and said, "Haz, it's alright. Your family is important and tell Charlotte I said good luck."

Harrison smiled, "I will. Don't enjoy glee club too much without me."

"Trust me when I tell you that I won't enjoy it all without you. You make my glee club experience easier and more fun." You looked at him and tucked your hair behind your ear.

Harrison laughed and shook his head, "Oh, I could just kiss you right now!"

Your jaw dropped and his eyes widened in realization. You looked at each other and he spoke up, "Uh, forget I said anything."

"Did you mean it?" You asked. Harrison sighed and nodded. You smiled and said, "Kiss me, then."

"But I thought we were taking it slow? I don't want to force you in any-"

"Shut up and kiss me, Haz! We've been going on dates for two months now. I think it's time we make it official." You chuckled. "So if you want to kiss me so bad, go ahead, Osterfield. I dare you."

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

“Fuck yeah!”

He smirked and leaned in to place a sweet kiss on your lips. You kissed back and smiled through the kiss. Both of you pulled away and blushed.

"Okay, Charlotte will kill me if I'm late to watch her performance. I'll text you, okay?" Harrison held your hand and placed a kiss on it. "See you tomorrow!"

"Okay. Tell me all about it." You grinned as you watched him leave the school. You turned around to walk to the glee club's room and bumped into Tom.

"Where's your best friend? I don't see him around." Tom said as he put his hands in his pockets.

"My BOYFRIEND just left. He had to leave to watch his sister's performance at school." You told him and went around him to leave. Tom grabbed your wrist and you sighed, "What now, Thomas? Isn't Madison going to be jealous or something? I really don't have time for drama in my life."

"Leave Harrison. I want to be with you again." Tom blurted out and you laughed, "Sure, you do. Bye now." He let go of your wrist and you walked away and went to glee club.

It's been three days since that encounter with Tom and Harrison wasn't pleased with what happened. You assured him that you wouldn't leave him for Tom no matter what happens. You and Harrison have been rehearsing non-stop for sectionals with the rest of your glee club and today's the day that you'll perform.

All of you were backstage getting ready and Tom made his way to you. He huffed and he saw you kissing Harrison so he cleared his throat causing both of you to pull away. Harrison glared at Tom, but he didn't want to start a fight. He was better than that.

Harrison pecked your lips and said, "I'll check with Mike, okay?"

You smiled and nodded. He left and you looked at Tom with your arms crossed, "What're you doing here?"

"I'm here to see you perform. It's a big crowd out there." Tom chuckled as he handed you a bouquet of flowers. "These are for you."

You took them and set it on the vanity, "Thanks. You never came to any of my performances so why are you really here?"

"I came to watch you perform. I realized that I haven't really been supportive of you when we were dating and I wanted that to change. And if you liked New York so much, I'm willing to do long distance and I could visit you whenever I can." Tom explained.

"It's too late for that, don't you think?" You laughed. "Besides, we don't match. L.A. screams your name and New York screams mine. New York also screams Harrison's name and we already agreed that we'd move there together. You have Madison now and you're the one who broke up with me, Tom. Not the other way around."

"I know, but I'm leaving her for you. I'm planning to." Tom said.

"What the hell is your goal here? You came all this way to tell me this?" You asked. You were annoyed and kind of pissed. You just wanted to perform now, but the fifteen minute intermission was taking too long to end.

He shrugged, "Well, yeah. I know that once you leave him for me, you'll be all over me and we could be happy again. Then maybe I could convince you to move to L.A. instead of New York. Broadway is dead, anyway. You could audition for tv or movie roles and-"

"No, Tom!" You hissed. "Broadway is my calling. I've been preparing my whole life for Broadway and you can't take that away from me. If you want to move to L.A., that's on you. Don't drag me into it and I won't leave him for you. If leaving your partner for someone else is your cup of tea, then leave me out of it. I can't do that to Harrison. He's amazing and we're moving to New York together and that’s final."

"Show time, everyone!" a voice called out. You looked at Tom and said, "You're welcome to stay and watch, but don't bother me and Haz anymore. You don't get to do that after you've made up your mind on leaving me for Madison."

You walked to your glee club members and put on a smile. You refuse to let Tom's presence distract you. After all, you were performing with Harrison and you were finally getting the solo you deserved. It was your time to shine indeed. Nothing can ruin it for you.

Tom left and went back to his seat. As soon as he sat down, a familiar tune started to play and your clear and beautiful voice was heard in the whole venue. Tom was glad that his seat was on the third row from the stage and he was able to watch you properly. This was his first time seeing you perform and he wanted to make the most of it.

"Times have changed and we've often rewound the clock. Since the Puritans got a shock when they landed on Plymouth Rock." You sang as you stood on the center of the stage with your other glee club members still standing on the side of the stage, waiting for their cue to enter.

"If today," Your eyes met Tom and he gave you a smile and a small thumbs up. You stayed in character, though and paid no mind to him which he didn't take personally. The rest of the club marched on stage and went to their positions.

"Any shock they should try to stem 'stead of landing on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock would land on them." You pointed at the audience with a smile.

You glanced at Harrison and you both shared a small smile before you looked back at the audience for all of you to sing, "In olden days, a glimpse of stocking was looked on as something shocking, but now, God knows... Anything goes!"

"Good authors, too, who once knew better words, now only use four letter words writing prose... Anything goes!" You sang and dance with Harrison as your partner, of course. As part of the choreography, you slightly pushed Harrison away and pointed at him, "Anything you can be, I can be greater. Sooner or later, I'm greater than you."

You stood at the side as everyone sang the "no, you're not" part while you sang the "yes, I am" part of the song. All of you danced beautifully when the instrumental part of the song came and everyone clapped and cheered. You were preparing yourself for the high note as everyone sang the ensemble part.

"I can hold any note longer than you." You sang as you walked to the center of the stage while everyone still danced behind you.

"No, you can't."

"Yes, I can. Yes, I..." You sang and held the note. You've been practicing it for weeks and you were glad that you pulled it off really well. Your voice was loud, clear, and powerful and it overpowered your fellow glee club members' voices.

You took a deep breath for the climax of the song, "Yes, I can!"

Tom was the first one to stand up and cheer as soon as the song ended. The rest of the audience followed. All of them sat down when all the girls left the stage for the boys to do their performance. You sneakily kissed Harrison on the cheek for good luck and Tom saw it and he was admittedly jealous. He couldn't believe that he thought leaving you for Madison was a good idea.

He wanted to leave then and there, but he wanted to see what you saw in Harrison that made you choose him. The music began and Tom sat comfortably on his seat.

"Boy, boy, crazy boy, Get cool, boy! Got a rocket in your pocket. Keep coolly cool, boy!" Harrison sang as he moved around on stage with the rest of the boys just standing behind him like they rehearsed.

"Don't get hot, 'Cause man, you got some high times ahead. Take it slow and Daddy-O," Harrison looked at Tom and continued, "You can live it up and die in bed!"

Tom glared at him as Harrison continued to sing and dance with the rest of the boys. "That bastard, I swear." Tom mumbled under his breath.

Harrison finished the song with a cool pose. Everyone clapped as Tom rolled his eyes. All the boys ran off the to the side of the stage.

"Good luck." Harrison whispered in your ear before you went out there. All of you girls went on stage to sing 'It's All Over' from Dream Girls. You didn't have the main solo for this one, but you still had a solo. You were singing Beyonce's lines and you were excited. Besides, this was your time to put your acting skills into use.

Mercedes, your main soloist for this song, was doing so well and you were really glad that she got the solo she deserved.

"She ain't better than anybody. She ain't nothing but common!" She sang. You got into character and walked towards her, "Now, who you callin' common you self-indulgent, self-absorbed and unprofessional?"

"You! I'm calling you, I'm calling you, the common piece is knocking off!" Mercedes sang with a raised eyebrow and walked past you. You turned around and walked after her, "Now you listen to me, Miss Blame-It-On-The-World; see I put up with you for much too long."

"I have put up with your bitchin'." You pushed her.

"I've put up with your naggin'." You pushed her again. "And all your screamin' too!"

After a few more lines, it was your solo again, "She had nothing to do with this change. It was you! It was you always thinking of you. Always thinking of you!"

When the song ended, the boys joined the rest of you as all of you formed one straight line on stage with you and Harrison in the middle which annoyed Tom so much, but he didn't react.

You and Harrison looked at each other before looking at the audience. Both of you started the song without music, "Do you hear the people sing lost in the valley of the night? It is the music of the people who are climbing to the light. For the wretched of the earth, there is a flame that never dies. Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise."

The music started and the rest joined in for the next lines. When all of you harmonized together, you could've sworn you saw someone crying on the first row.

"Tomorrow comes!" You all sang and it gave the audience goosebumps.

When your group was announced as the champion, you were really happy. Tom cheered too. He now understood why you loved glee club. He saw your passion for performing and you were right; New York was screaming your name. Broadway really was for you. He could picture you in two different places, on stage and in his arms. It was cheesy and probably corny, but it was true.

-

Today was the day you and Harrison were moving to New York and you were excited. Both of you got accepted into NYADA and you already bought an apartment together using both of your savings and with some additional help from both of your parents.

Tom knew you were leaving today that’s why he rushed to the airport to catch up with you. He looked around and saw you hugging your parents goodbye with Harrison next to you. He smiled to himself when he was able to get to you on time.

“Y/N!” Tom called out as he ran towards you.

You pulled away from your mom and furrowed your eyebrows when you saw Tom. Harrison wasn’t pleased to see him at all and you were tired of seeing Tom after he tried to get you back multiple times since sectionals.

“Tom, what’re you doing here? I’m leaving.” You frowned at him.

Harrison looked at your parents and his parents and said, “Um, let’s leave them to talk.” He gave you a small smile before walking away with your families. You sighed and crossed your arms as you stared at Tom.

“I know you’re leaving that’s why I’m here.” Tom said. “I wanted to tell you that I won’t stop until I get you back.”

“Tom, I’m with Harrison and I love him too much to leave him. We’ve already planned our future together and you’ll have that too, Tom. Just not with me.” You told him.

“Then I’ll move to New York too and- and I’ll look for jobs there and I’ll study there too. I just- I really, really want to be with you again.” Tom begged. “What do you want me to do?”

“Why are you doing this, anyway? You’ve been like this ever since Harrison and I started going out. What’s your deal?!” You said angrily. “Okay so, what if we got back together again and the same thing happens? I don’t want to go through that, Thomas.”

“It won’t happen again, I swear!”

“How do I know that? Because you said so?! Geez, how fucking assuring!” You scoffed.

“I thought I was the only one you loved. How come you love Harrison all of a sudden?” Tom said sadly.

You rubbed your face and sighed, “You’ll always have a special place in my heart, Tom Holland. Trust me. Maybe someday, we can be friends but not now; not when you’re fucking insane. You’re my first love, yes. First loves never really go away, but we do move on from them. I’d really want us to be friends, I really do. I want you and Haz to be friends too, but you’re making it difficult.”

Suddenly, it was announced that your flight was already boarding. You looked at Tom and held both of you hands, “On behalf of me and Harrison, I forgive you for all the times you tried to sabotage our relationship. If only you used all that energy in trying to be friends with me and Haz, then none of this wouldn’t happen and maybe I’d visit you in L.A.”

You pulled him in for a hug and Tom immediately hugged back tighter, “I’ll miss you, Y/N. I really will. I especially missed you when you weren’t with me.”

You lightly chuckled and pulled away, “No matter how much you claim to miss me, you can’t keep coming back to me whenever it’s convenient for you. Goodbye, Tom.”

Harrison walked towards both of you and he nodded at Tom, acknowledging his presence. You waved to your family before leaving with Harrison. Tom looked around and called out, “Hey Y/N!”

You looked at him and waited for him to say something.

“Don’t be a stranger!” Tom shouted and waved goodbye. You smiled at him and waved back. “I won’t!” You shouted back before you and Harrison boarded the plane.

“So, what did he say?” Harrison asked.

“We just said goodbye.” You responded. Harrison pursed his lips and nodded.

“Hey,” You grabbed Harrison’s hand and he looked at you. “I love you.”

He smiled, “I love you too. New York, here we come!”

You giggled as you went to your respective seats. You couldn’t wait to spend your time in New York with Harrison. Your dreams were finally coming true... with the right guy this time.

* * * *

𝐓𝐎𝐌 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @abrielleholland​​​​​​ @poguesholland​​​​​ @superheroesaremytea​​  @marshxx​​​ @ella-whyte @buckys-little-hoe @harryismysunflower

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @marvelousell​​​​​ @justasmisunderstoodasloki​​​ @rubberducky-jrr​​​ @petersholland​​​ @osterfieldnholland​​​ @miraclesoflove​​​ @god-knows-what-am-i-doing

+ @greenorangevioletgrass bc musicals x

[serendipitystyles]

Bad Reputation

Pairing: Frat!Tom Holland x Reader

Word Count: 11,573

Summary: You meet Tom at the coffee shop that you work at, and you never think you’ll see him again, but the world seems to be on your side.

Warning(s): mentions of sex, I think the word hell is used (i don’t think there are any other bad words), some self doubt by the reader, frat!tom (yes, that’s a warning hehe), mentions of tom being a boxer oops, it wasn’t edited (my wife was gonna help me edit it bUT i started overthinking and decided to just post it :))

A/N: This is officially the longest one shot I have ever written. This is for @t-holland2080 ‘s summer writing challenge. I never thought I was going to get it done, there was a lot of writing and deleting and questioning, but here we are! I hope everyone enjoys, and as always, feedback is highly appreciated!!

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*

You were stressed, to say the least. Today had been a busy day and it was only getting worse. Working at the coffee shop on campus had its perks, sure. Like having some extra cash and getting free coffee. But it also had its downsides. It was always busy. Some days, like today, even more so. A lot of the students were absolute jerks and couldn’t bother to wait more than thirty seconds to get their drink when it obviously took longer than that to make, and every one of them always had something snarky to say or a loot to throw you to let you know just how ridiculous it was that you couldn’t snap your fingers and the drink be done.

To say you were having a bad day was an understatement. You had opened the store, today being one of the only days when you had no classes, so you could work for longer, which meant that you had gotten up at five this morning so that you could get ready and be at the shop by six. Every person that you had greeted seemed to be in a hurry, hurtling snide comments at you over and over. It seemed to be the busiest day of the week, even though it was nowhere close to the weekend.

And to top it off, another customer just walked in. Thankfully, he took his time walking up to the register, spent a little while gazing at the sweets arranged in cases around the room. When he finally did make his way to you, he flashed you a bright smile. 

“What can I get you today?” You ask, going through the motions.

“Hmm, can I just get a regular coffee, love?” He’s still got that heart stopping smile on his face, and you can’t help but give him a real smile back.

“Sure, will that be all for today?” You ask, wanting to put the order through so that it will get done faster, just in case he is in a rush. It’s just a black coffee, so all you have to do is pour it into a cup, but you’ve had multiple impatient people get upset over it taking you “too long” to pour it.

He wants to say no, wants to say that he wants your number too. He thinks you’re beautiful, and he secretly really wants to tell you that. He wants to let you know that he saw you through the shop window and that he only came in here because of you. He wants to tell you that he secretly hates black coffee but it’s the cheapest option and he had to buy something to talk to you. 

But he says none of those things, doesn’t want to come off strong. He’s never seen you before, after all. He doesn’t know who you are, if you’re the kind of girl that would want to even give him the time of the day. If you’re the kind of girl that gave any boy the time of day.

So he settles for saying, “Yeah, that’ll be all,” he looks at your name tag, “y/n.”

You tell him the price and go to pour his coffee as he swipes his card. Once you’re done, you struggle to put a lid on it; trying, and failing, to not get coffee onto your hands.

You quickly wipe the slight spill off of the cup, not wanting him to get anything on his hands, and then hand him the cup, thanking him and wishing him a nice day.

Once he leaves the store, you let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding. He was cute, really cute actually. And he looked like a nice enough guy. You don’t know how you’d never seen him around before, knowing that there’s no way you had, you’d remember a face like that.

*

Apparently, you wouldn’t remember a face like that. Not until he ordered coffee from you, anyway.

You went to your English class the next day, hoping that the lecture wouldn’t make you want to rip your hair out. When you sit down in your normal seat, a place near the middle, but a little closer to the back, you see him.

You can’t believe you had never noticed him. You had noticed every other person that he was sitting with. They were all the guys that came into class late every Friday morning because they were too hungover to get to class on time. They were the frat boys.

Did that mean…? No, it couldn’t. He didn’t look like the rest of the frat boys.

But he fit right in, really. He was perfectly in place in their group. Honestly, it looked like they all watched what he was doing, following whatever he did, almost as soon as he did it. It was like they were waiting for his instruction. You had heard the rumors, they only did that with the head of the fraternity, Tom Holland.

But no, that would mean that he was Tom Holland. 

Even though you heard continuous rumors about the way that he partied, got blackout drunk, slept with random girls, and then never called them again, you had never once seen the infamous face of Tom Holland.

And nobody questioned it when you told them. You weren’t the kind of girl that would know who he is. You’re not the kind of girl that goes to parties every chance they get and hooks up with the first guy that you can get your hands on.

If your assumptions were correct, however, he had been right under your nose this whole time, you had just never paid attention to him.

*

He had been looking for you, had been trying to find your face in the sea of others the entire day. He had absolutely no luck doing so, though, seeing as apparently, you were nowhere to be found.

He even tried to ask about you, but according to everyone that he knows, you don’t exist. And if you do, you don’t go to school with him. But he’s determined. He will see your stunning face again, experience your heart warming smile one more time, at least.

For the time being, however, he’s trying to push the thought out of his mind, knowing full well that he has to focus on whatever his English professor is going to drone on and on about today. 

Once he had turned in slightly in his seat to see where Harrison was, though, there was absolutely no chance that he would be paying attention to anything but you.

You were right there, you had been right under his nose this whole time and he had spent so much time trying to actively ignore everything to do with English that he completely overlooked you, the prettiest girl that he had ever seen. 

Your eyes were downcast, looking at the notebook that you had brought to class. Yeah, you seemed like the type of girl that would rather hand write notes than type them. 

Your cheeks and your ears were tinged pink and he couldn’t help but wonder what made you blush, but then you looked up and met his gaze, and every thought left his mind. He could do nothing but stare back at you like a fool until Harrison finally walked in, sitting down beside him and nudging him with his elbow.

“Who’re you looking at, mate?” The blonde asked.

“Nobody.” Tom quickly replied, not wanting to have to listen to his best friend nag him about being enamored about a girl that he had only talked to once. And it wasn’t even a real conversation, he just ordered coffee from you, there was no flirting, there was no getting to know each other. The only things that either of you had learned was that he ordered just black coffee when he drank it and that you worked at the campus coffee shop.

You tried to sit through the rest of class as if you hadn’t just, maybe, held full eye contact for like a whole minute with the head of the biggest frat on campus. But really, he’s all you could think about. You were usually pretty good at not getting distracted during class, at not having to worry about whether or not you missed something because you were lost in your own head. But today, you probably zoned out and missed over half the lesson.

This was crazy, right? No person should be this intrigued by a person that they’ve only talked to once and seen only twice, should they? 

If it was crazy, though, you were completely embracing it. There was something about this boy, something about Tom, that was messing with your mind. You weren’t the kind of person to believe in soulmates, but you did believe that the universe brought people together. You believed that there was a reason for everything. Which means that there had to be a reason for Tom to have walked into the coffee shop that you worked in, on the day that you needed a little brightness the most. There had to be a reason that he was in your class, that your paths had crossed yet again.

*

He never paid attention to the things happening around him while he was in class. He had never before paid the slightest bit of attention to the people that would filter in through the doors. But ever since he saw you in his English course, he started paying attention. And he realized that he had two other classes with you, his history course and his biology course.

He saw you every time that you had class with him, but he never had the guts to walk up and just talk to you. He had never had that problem before, usually going up to any girl he thought was attractive and sweet talking her into the palm of his hand in a matter of minutes.

Something about you was different, though. There was something about you that made him almost scared to just walk up to you. The fear of rejection when thinking about you was high, and that wasn’t something that he had felt in a long time. 

It was almost like he felt that you were too good for him. He felt like you were too innocent, too pure to be bothered by him. 

He was the resident fuckboy on campus, and there was no way that someone like you, someone that he had never seen at a party, or at any other social event, would want to be around him. 

There’s no way that he’s anywhere near good enough for you. He thought that if he walked up to you and asked you anything, you’d scoff in his face and then walk away. 

So, he doesn’t go up to you. He doesn’t talk to you. Doesn’t ask about your day, about your favorite subjects, about what your dreams are. And he sure as hell doesn’t ask you what he really wants to, for you to go on a date with him.

*

It had been a few weeks since you had seen him last, always making sure to get to class super early so you could sit closer to the front, not wanting to be too distracted in the classes that you had with him.

You have to admit, though, that you had spent many hours in your dorm room, debating on whether or not you should go out to one of the frat parties that you knew Tom would be at. Ultimately, you decided against it, knowing that you’d just make a fool out of yourself, showing up to a party in which you weren’t invited to see a boy that probably hasn’t thought about you since you gave him his receipt.

You had all but given up on him, realizing that the chances of ever even talking to him again was slim to none, and hoping for anything more than that was absolutely ludicrous.

So, pushing him to the back of your mind, you walked from your dorm to the library. For the first time in what felt like years, you didn’t search the faces that you passed by, you didn’t hope that one of them would be him, and you didn’t feel disappointed to not run into him.

You made it to the library just in time to say goodbye to your favorite librarian, Joan, before she left for the day. She wished you a good evening and then went on her way, shooting you a warm smile as you entered the rows of books that could all be used for reference on the essay that your English professor had assigned.

He hates essays. He really, truly does. He would rather do literally any other type of assignment than an essay. But here he was, walking into the library to search through numerous research articles just to find a sentence or two that he could use for his 5 page, minimum, essay that was due in less than a week.

He trudges over to the shelves, knowing which books that he needs to grab, but not really looking forward to doing so.

Right before he gets to the aisle he's about to wander down, he sees you. The girl that he’s been paying more than enough attention to since the day he walked into the coffee shop that he had never been to before. The girl he had been too scared to go up to and just simply talk to.

Until now. 

He finally had a reason to go up and talk to you. He hated essays. He was complete trash at them. He always failed them no matter how hard he tried.

But you didn’t. You always did great on your essays. He knew you did, not because he was paying a weird amount of attention to you, it’s just that after he realized who you were, he started remembering some of the times that you had been there, but he just didn’t notice you. Some of these times were when every single time the professor would pass back essays, he would ask for yours back for ‘example pieces.’

So he cautiously made his way to you, walking slow to see if anyone was with you that would pop up. Thankfully, nobody did, so he walked the last couple steps to the table you had chosen as your study area and put his hands on the back of the chair opposite of you.

You look up and a wrinkle automatically comes between your brows, one that he can’t help but want to smooth with his fingertips. 

“Can I help you?” You ask after he doesn’t say anything for a moment, just standing there.

“Um, yeah. I- you have Professor Stephens for English, right?” He tries to keep his eyes locked on you, but he can’t, can’t help but let his eyes wander over your features. The way that your eyebrows are furrowed and your forehead continues to be pinched, still confused as to why he’s here. The way that your cheeks seem to be a natural rosy pink. The way that your lips look so effortlessly full. 

“Yeah, why?” He’s beginning to think that this was a bad idea. He had been right when he first thought it, there’s no way that someone like you could even want to be around someone like him. But it was too late to back out now, so he continued the plan that he had conjured up with the two brain cells that he had left.

“So, um, feel free to say no, of course. No pressure or anything.” He chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. “Just, you see, the thing is, I’m awful at essays. I try my best and still fail, and every time we do one, the Professor always keeps yours for examples when he does them next year. So, basically, I was wondering if you’d maybe wanna help me write mine?” 

You look taken aback for a moment before agreeing, nodding your head and telling him which dorm was yours.

“Um, do you maybe want me to give you my number so that you can text when you’re available?” You ask him, and he tries his best to not let his face light up too much, but he definitely feels his stomach flip at the thought, even though you’re not even doing anything but trying to make study plans with him.

He says a quick thank you and a goodbye before promising to text you the next day as soon as he was done with his frat duties.

Why you had agreed at all, let alone so easily, was a mystery to you. What could he possibly want out of this? Yeah, he seemed like he worked a lot harder and paid a lot more attention than the majority of the other frat boys, but he was still one nonetheless, which means that he had to be up to no good.

Did he want you to just write your paper for him? Was that why he was asking?

A small part of you wants to believe that maybe he asked you because he had been feeling the same way that you have been. But that’s crazy. He’s the most wanted frat boy on campus, there’s no way that he’d want anything to do with you.

He was just trying to get his paper done. Whether he was trying to get you to do it or if he just wanted help like he said, you weren’t completely sure yet. But you knew one thing, you had to clean your dorm before he came over.

You rushed back to your place, throwing things where they belonged and hanging up the clothes that you had neglected for days. 

You’re not entirely sure why you’re freaking out so much, trying to get your dorm as close to spotless as possible. It wasn’t like you needed to impress him. You were a uni student. You weren’t expected to be perfect, to be spotless. Yet, you still felt the need to make sure everything was perfect for him.

And that’s when you remember the cute little cafe that you had been dying to go to. Every review said that it was perfect for studying, and that the food there was amazing. 

So, when Tom texted you that evening to make sure that you had his number, you responded telling him that when he was finished the next day to shoot you a text and then meet you at the cafe.

You’re relieved when he agrees, that place being a lot less personal, a lot less intimate than your dorm room, making you feel much more comfortable.

*

The next day, he texts you around noon, telling you that he’ll be able to meet at two at the cafe that you had suggested. 

He’s more excited than he should be, especially since this is just a meeting for you to help him with the most atrocious thing that English professors can assign. But he can’t help it, it’s you. He gets excited every single time that you glance in his direction.

He rushed back to the frat house, taking a thorough shower and picking out a nice button down and a pair of dark jeans. The outfit was nice, he dressed to impress, but not like he was going to a formal dinner or anything.

This was just a study session. Nothing more.

The thought wasn’t getting his emotions in check like it should. Hell, he shouldn’t even have any emotions going into it. He had talked to you a grand total of two times. He shouldn’t feel like he had been pining over you for an absurd amount of time when he had known of your existence for approximately a month.

He shouldn’t feel like he had been pining over you at all. He was Tom Holland, for goodness sake. He wasn’t the guy that caught feelings. Everyone knew that. 

But there was something about you, something about the way that you smiled at him, that made him want to be better. Something that made him want to throw away his reputation and start fresh, to not be seen as the boy with a new conquest every day, to be seen as the boy that’s looking for a girl to fall in love with.

Could that girl be you? He has no clue, but there’s something about you that’s begging him to find out.

So, he makes his way to the cafe, taking enough time to not seem too eager but still getting there almost fifteen minutes early.

You were already there as well, though. You had been just as anxious, if not a little more. You had spent hours getting ready, making sure that you were perfectly put together, not a hair out of place. You also spent at least an hour getting your supplies together and then checking, and rechecking everything to make sure that you wouldn’t forget a single thing.

You had arrived at the cafe half an hour early, wanting to make sure that you were there and everything was in order before he arrived. You had half expected him to be late, leaving you more time to calm your nerves. Your expectations were proven wrong, however, when he walked up to the booth you were sat at nearly a quarter to the hour.

“Hey.” He greets, sitting down a notebook, a few writing utensils, and his laptop. “Thanks again for agreeing to help me.”

“Hey! It’s no problem.” You assure, not wanting him to think that this is a burden for you when you’d rather sit around with him and work on an essay than sit at your dorm all alone, especially since you had been so caught up in him as of late.

“So, um, where do you want to start?” And so began the study session that the two of you had been looking forward to. You got so lost in the material, explaining to him what certain aspects of the essay should pertain, letting him write a paragraph or two and then tweaking them slightly, allowing him to do the same, that you didn’t even realize that the diner was about to close until the waitress came to inform the two of you.

He looked just as surprised as you felt to see that the two of you had been there for almost eight hours. 

You both said a quick goodbye and set a time to meet again to continue with the studying, the time conveniently being in a few days, giving you enough time to get most of your essay done so that you could focus on him more.

After he said his final farewell, he made his way down the street, heading back towards the frat house. He couldn’t stop thinking about the way that your smile has been permanently etched into his brain. How your laugh is the most precious thing that he’s ever heard, and he’ll continue to do everything in his power to keep you laughing as often as possible. 

You’re not in a much better headspace, thinking constantly about the way that his smirk is overly annoying, but also so hot that you want to kiss it off of his face. How his nose is slightly crooked, but in a way that accentuates his features in the best way. 

You had asked if he had broken it before, not being able to help your curiosity. This had left to him laughing, throwing his head back, and telling you that he’s had more broken noses than he could count. He’d been boxing for most of his life, and that’s just the kind of thing that happens, knuckles get bruised, noses get broken.

Something about that had made you swoon even more. The thought of him boxing got your heart racing. You had no clue why, you’d never been a fan of any form of violence, but something about picturing him in a boxing ring had your stomach tying in knots and your face heating up.

You fell into bed that night with a smile on your face, feeling more excited than you should have to see him again.

He laid awake in his bed, across campus from you, thinking of the same things. When he’d see you again, if your conversation would venture more towards each others’ personal lives instead of strictly on the material. 

It’s safe to say that neither one of you got that much sleep that night.

*

The two of you decided to meet at your dorm room this time, seeing as how you had spent hours studying the time before and weren’t even done when the diner closed. This way, he could stay and study as long as necessary. 

He was pacing around his room, three hours before he even had to leave for your dorm, trying to find out what in the world he should wear. He thought about asking one of his frat brothers, seeing as the majority of them had a pretty good taste in clothes, but he knew that they’d all take a dig at him if he had to explain why he was so worried about his outfit choice. 

He wasn’t embarrassed of you, not in the slightest, he just didn’t want to make a big deal out of something that wasn’t even a thing yet. If you ever did agree to actually go out with him, though, he would take all the jokes and the comments from his frat brothers that he had to. He’d be too happy to care what they had to say, even if you only agreed to one date and then never wanted to see him again.

He ended up settling for a pair of black jeans and a hoodie, wanting to be comfortable for the long study session, but not wanting to look like a bum. You had also mentioned to him that your building tended to be a lot more chilly than others around campus, and advised him to either wear a sweatshirt over or to bring one with him.

Although he’d never admit it to you, there was a part of him that was already trying to figure out a way to get you to come to the frat house for the next study session. It was abnormally cool in the house as well, but he wasn’t planning on telling you that. If you didn’t bring one on your own sweatshirt, he would give you his. 

Because, no matter what all the boys thought of him, or what he let his reputation get to, he was the kind of guy that yearned for the domestic things in life. For waking up next to the girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with. For waking her up with kisses and then making her breakfast. For her to be wearing his clothes and for him to be able to come up to her and randomly love on her.

He had never had the chance to be like that with someone. He had come to college, joined a frat, and thought that he had to be the guy that had a new conquest every night. And he had been completely fine with it, content even. Until he met you. And something about the way that you made him feel in the brief time that he was around you in the coffee shop made him realize everything that he was missing.

He was missing you. 

And you were all he could think about anymore, because he wanted his life to be complete, and he knew that with you, it would be.

How you could be this intrigued by someone after literally interacting three times is unknown to you, but you had to admit to yourself that you are. You’re so intrigued by him that you find yourself thinking about how it would feel to fall asleep next to him, or how it would be to walk into the kitchen in the morning to find him fixing something and just wrap your arms around him without a care in the world.

You shake the thought from your head, realizing that there’s no way it could ever be a reality, so why fantasize about it?

What you focus on instead is the study session the two of you have in just a few hours. You had cleaned your room before the first session the other day, but you had been deep cleaning since last night, trying to make sure that everything looked decent and presentable. You didn’t want him to think that you were a slob.

You were glad that you had remembered to remind him to wear or bring something warm, seeing as today was one of the cooler ones in the building. The thermostat that you kept in your room reading a chilly 64 degrees (17 degrees Celsius). Why it was so cold in your building, leading you to dress warmly, only to go to a lecture where the room felt like you were sitting on the sun, you would never know, but you never complained or requested a dorm change because you genuinely loved the one that you were in, regardless of the temperature.

With a quick glance at the clock on your bedside table, you decide to get dressed. You put on a hoodie and a pair of leggings. You decided to just put your hair up in a bun. It was just Tom, after all. This was just a study session. Nothing more. There was no need to get all dressed up. It’s not like this was a date. You were just helping him with his English essay. Within the next week, this whole thing would be over and you’d probably never see him again besides in class, much less have an actual conversation with him.

*

“Hey,” you mumble as you open the door for him. You’re still slightly nervous about what he could be thinking. 

Will he think your room is a mess? You had cleaned the entire place, going over everything at least three times, but the thought still crosses your mind.

Will he think that the amount of books you have in the oak bookshelf to the left of your bed is weird? Would he think you were too nerdy? Who were you kidding, he probably already thought you were a nerd, he had noticed how the professor asked to keep your papers. At best, he had to think you were the teacher’s pet or something. That’s probably why he even asked you to help him. He probably figured that you would put in a good word for him, that you would let Professor Stephens know that you had helped.

“Hey.” He replies, sounding almost as nervous as you felt. Could he possibly be? Why would he even be nervous? The only thing that you could think of that he could even be slightly nervous about is the impression that he makes on you, if you were impressed or not. He had no need to feel like that, though.

You wanted to tell him that, but you couldn’t. There was no way in the world that you could possibly just come out and say it, let him know that he looked great.

“So, where are we starting today?” You ask, trying to steer your mind back on the right path.

“Um, I was actually maybe thinking that we could just read over what we had worked on since last time, if that’s okay? And then give each other notes that we have if there are any?” You look over at him and see that his hands are slightly tucked into the sleeves of his hoodie, giving him cute little sweater paws.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” You pull your eyes from his hands, walking over and plopping down on your bed, looking over at him expectantly.

He seems a lot more nervous than you had initially anticipated. He seems almost as if he’s scared to come sit next to you. There’s something about that thought that makes him seem even more endearing than he already was.

“You can come sit, you know?” You say, smiling at him to let him know that it was alright.

He gives a nervous chuckle that sounds more like a cough and you can’t help but to laugh along. There’s something about hearing his laugh that makes your chest feel a sudden rush of warmth.

He slowly makes his way closer to the bed, still approaching with caution and you can’t help the smile that’s glued to your face.

“So, what’s your story, Holland?” You blurt, not thinking about what in the world you were doing. You didn’t even stop to ponder the possibility that he wouldn’t want to talk to you about his life. There was still the completely possible idea that he actually only wanted to be around you to study. Although, you can’t help but have an itch in the back of your mind that keeps telling you that isn’t the only reason that he’s here.

“What do you wanna know?” He takes you by surprise with that, with the fact that he seems to be willing to tell you any and everything.

“Anything.” you breathe, watching him settle into your bed. You had situated yourself to where you were sitting against the headboard, and he shuffles to lay on his stomach, opening his laptop beside you.

“Well, um, where do I start, I guess is the question.” He looks over at you and you just give a shrug, so he continues. “I could just start at the beginning. I’m Tom, as you know.” He chuckles, running a hand through his chocolate locks, and you can’t help but follow the path that his hand takes through the tendrils of hair, over his neck, and back to the bed. “I have three brothers, all younger. Sam and Harry are twins. Sam’s really into the whole culinary thing, and Harry’s a photographer. They’re really good at what they do.” You can tell by the way that he talks about them that he's really proud of them. “Paddy’s the youngest, still can’t believe how big he is every time I see him. It seems like only yesterday he was a little baby that I could carry around everywhere.” The look on his face seems as if he’s guilty for leaving his brothers when he went to college, and you immediately want to assure him that it’s okay, but you don’t feel like it’s the right time.

“I’ve got a dog named Tessa, she seems to miss me a lot, gets really lovey and excited whenever I go back home for the holidays.” The smile that breaks out on his face makes your heart swell. “Mum and dad are still together, raised me right, taught me how to treat people and how to make the right choices. If we’re honest, I don’t think that they’d be too proud of who I’ve become.” he meets your eyes and gives you a sad smile, and you want to lean over him and envelop him in a warm embrace, but you don’t think that would be the best move.

“What do you mean, why wouldn’t they? You seem like a pretty good guy, Tom.” You’re not lying, you think he’s a great person. You see no reason why they wouldn’t be proud of him.

He chuckles, looking up at you and wondering if what he’s about to say next is the best thing to do, but he decides that he might as well. “I am a pretty good guy, when I’m around you. But when I came here and joined the frat that I did, I thought that I had to be a certain person.” He looks away from you, not wanting to have to see the way you’re going to react to how he really is. “And, for a while, I really liked who I was, you know? I thought that was who I was supposed to be, and it kind of felt right. The whole partying every weekend and taking a different girl home each time I went out thing was fun for a while. And then something changed. Something in my life shifted and I figured out that it wasn’t really that fun. That there were other things that I could do. I don’t want the reputation that I have.” He sighs, running his hand through his hair again, still refusing to meet your eyes. “I’m surprised that you haven’t heard about it. You’d probably run for the hills if you did.”

You chuckle, and his eyes immediately shoot to meet yours. “I know about your reputation Tom. I have since before I even agreed to help you.”

“Then why would you agree? You had to have known the kind of person that I was. There had to have been at least one person that warned you away from me.” He genuinely can’t believe that you knew about his reputation, about all the things that everyone said about him, both true and false, and still decided to be around him.

“Yeah, there were quite a few that warned me about you, but I don’t listen to what people tell me to do. And I definitely don’t listen to what people have to say about others. I like to find out for myself, which is exactly what I did, and I’m glad that I chose to do what I did. If I had listened to them, I wouldn’t have found out how great of a person that you are.”  Without putting any thought into it, you reach down and run your fingers over his palm, letting him know that you’re there, that you know who he really is and that you don’t think what everyone else does.

He looks up at you, looking a bit startled, and confused, but he makes no move to pull away, just relaxes even further into the bed as you continue to trace random patterns into his hand.

“Hey, this may sound weird, but I haven’t been sleeping well lately, too nervous for my brain to shut down, so do you mind if we maybe, um, take a nap? Or maybe just me? I don’t know, I could lay on the floor or something, I just feel really calm right now.” A blush rises to his cheeks and you can’t help but agree, grabbing your stuff and placing it on the floor beside your bed.

“You can stay up here, Tom.” You murmur, not wanting him to be too far.

He nods an agreement, helping you shuffle under the covers before doing the same. You hear him sigh in content behind you and the smile that spreads across your face stays there as you drift off into the most peaceful sleep that you’ve had since Tom walked into the coffee shop.

*

Weeks passed, and you were still keeping up with the study session, you finding it a lot easier to get things done when Tom was around, and him still needing the occasional push in the right direction on certain assignments. You had both found that it was just simpler to stay study buddies than try to get through it on your own.

You had become a lot closer with Tom, the weeks spent together really letting you get to know one another quite thoroughly.

And, if you’re being honest with yourself, which you hadn’t loved doing lately, you had developed quite the crush on Tom. You suddenly saw what everyone would ramble about when talking about him.

He was sweet, caring, funny, and a lot smarter than he gave himself credit for. When you had told your select few friends about him, they had immediately warned you away from him, told you that he didn’t really need a study partner, he just wanted to get in your pants.

All those speculations had gone away, however, after you explained to them that you had gone the initial week without him trying to make a move whatsoever. At first, they had been surprised, but then you just ended up getting the occasional offhand comment about how it wasn’t all that hard to believe. “I mean, look at him and then look at you.” was one that was used quite a bit. And you hated to admit it, but it really got to you. So much so that you had decided not to make the first move yourself. 

You had grown up being told that women could do anything that men could do, that it was okay to make the first move no matter what the situation was. But there was something about your so-called friends that made you question that in an instant.

Maybe they were right. They did seem to have all the ‘evidence’ that they needed. How could he possibly have the reputation that he had and not have made a move yet? The only plausible explanation was that he simply found you unattractive.

But then your brain would drift back to the conversation that you had shared a few weeks prior. He didn’t want to have that reputation anymore, didn’t want to be that guy. He wanted to be the guy that he was before starting college, before joining the fraternity that made him into a completely different person. He didn’t want to be the womanizer with a brand new girl in his bed every night.

Those thoughts set the peace back in your mind. Maybe he really was different. He certainly was around you, he had been since the very beginning.

You had made him want to be different, want to change and be known as the guy that wants to fall in love, not as the guy who wants to sleep with as many girls as possible. You changed it all for him and he couldn’t help but realize that he may be falling for you. 

He had been completely enamored by everything about you since the moment that he had first laid eyes on you, and in the short time that the two of you had been hanging out, he had come to grow extremely fond of your personality. Of the way that you saw the good in everything and made him feel as if he wasn’t the crappy person that everyone assumed he still was. Of the way that you made every room brighter, no matter what.

He hadn’t felt as strongly as he did for you in as long as he could remember, and usually feelings would scare him, but there was a certain aspect of the way that you made him feel that took all the fear away, made him feel completely secure in admitting that he had feelings for you.

Not that he could ever admit them to you. No, he was nowhere near fearless enough to come out and let you know how he felt. There was no way that you could possibly like him back. There’s no way that you could have just ignored every bad thing that he had opened up and told you about. There was no way that anyone could love him despite all of that, let alone you.

You were sitting in his room at the frat house, typing away at a project that had been assigned for English, when he looks up at you. He studies your features for a moment, how perfect they all look. How the crease you get between your brows when you’re trying to concentrate makes you somehow even more beautiful than you already are. How the way your tongue sticks out and runs over your full lips makes you look almost angelic, how your hair frames your face perfectly, making him want to run his hands through it.

“We’re having a party here tonight.” He blurts, making you look up from the screen of your computer and give him your undivided attention.

“Oh, that’s fun, do you need me to be gone by a certain time or something?” You ask, slightly bummed that you may have to leave earlier than usual tonight. You’ve gotten used to spending most of the day with him and then going your separate ways at almost midnight every time that you studied together.

“No, no. not at all!” He spits, wanting to smack himself for being so bad with words. Of course he didn’t want you to leave. He wanted you to be around him as much as you were comfortable with. He could spend every day and night in your presence and never get bored. “I was actually wondering if, um, maybe you’d want to go?” 

You almost chuckle, thinking how ridiculous the offer is. He knows you, knows that you’re not the girl that goes to parties, much less parties at the biggest frat on campus. You don’t laugh, however, because you see the hopeful look in his eyes. “I mean, I don’t know, Tom. I’m not exactly the party type, you know?” 

He scoffs, “What makes you say that? Everyone’s the party type.” 

You give a slight eye roll at that, “That’s not true. I’m nowhere near what would be considered the party type. I’m the girl that stays in her dorm or at the library studying, not the girl that goes to parties on the weekends and gets wasted.” You look down at your hands, realizing yet another reason why he wouldn’t like you. Why would he want to be with someone who’s never experienced that aspect of his life? “I mean, props to those girls that do that, it just isn’t me.”

He leans over towards you and hooks a finger under your chin, lifting until your eyes meet his again. “Please? I promise you’ll have a good time. I’ll make sure of it.” Your cheeks heat up at this, your mind immediately going to the gutter. You shake the thought from your mind, surprised that you would even think such things.

 It’s not like you and Tom would ever do something like that anyway. He had explained to you multiple times that he didn’t want to sleep with people that he didn’t have feelings for anymore. He didn’t want the meaningless sex anymore. He wanted something that actually meant something. And even though it would mean something to you if something were to happen, it would be meaningless for him, so the chances of anything occurring if you agreed to go to the party was zilch. 

So, you find yourself nodding, agreeing to go. He looks extremely shocked, like he had every doubt in his mind that you would ever say yes. 

If only he knew how you felt, then he would have been aware of the fact that there’s no way that you could ever say no to that face, to the puppy dog eyes that he gives you when he asks for something that he really wants. And he hadn’t stopped giving them since the initial question had rolled off of his tongue, so he must really want you at that party, so of course there was no way that you were going to miss it.

*

Frat parties are weird. They’re kind of gross too, people spilling drinks everywhere, dropping cup after cup into other people and on the floor. You were glad that you had decided to not get dressed up, the room felt like it was a thousand degrees. You had settled on a pair of black denim shorts and a slightly cropped top that came down to just above your belly button, wanting to fit into the atmosphere without looking like you were trying too hard.

You had gone home around thirty minutes ago, getting ready before heading back. By the time you had returned, Tom was nowhere to be found, and you weren’t planning on actively searching for him. You’d let him do his own thing, and maybe catch up with him later.

Another thing you noticed, after pouring yourself a drink and settling against a wall near the corner of the room, was that frat parties are loud. Not just the music, that’s continuously playing, no breaks that would make people want to leave to do something else. There was something about the way that every song made the occupants of the party roudier and roudier. After a few songs had played, almost every person in the house was screaming along at the top of their lungs. So yeah, frat parties were loud.

As you scan the room, you realize that this could maybe be thrilling. If you had someone that you could have asked to come with you, if you had someone to dance with. You had a few friends, sure, but none of them would ever be caught dead at a party like this one. They were all like you, they’d rather stay home and get some peace on a Friday night than go out to a party. 

Were you really like that though? The girl that you had thought you were before, even just three hours prior, would’ve never agreed to this much less be enjoying it.

The last thing you notice before joining the crowd, a girl grabbing your hand and leading you to dance with her, is that, just maybe, frat parties are fun.

He had been pulled into a game of pong by his brothers. He hadn’t even noticed that you were here yet, but the second he sees you dancing with a few girls that he’s never even seen before, all the air is knocked from his body. You look ethereal. The light sheen of sweat making the dim lights reflect off of your body, casting a light around you. The way that the strands of hair that have come loose from your updo stick to your forehead and neck make him want to fix it for you, run his hands through your hair, no matter how sweaty it would be, and redo the ponytail that you had been sporting.

There’s a churning in his gut, and at first he doesn’t realize why. But then it hits him, hits him like a freight train. He wants to be the one dancing with you. He wants to make you smile like you’re smiling at those girls. He wants to be the one that riles you up and makes you dance and have the time of your life.

So, without finishing the game, he makes his way to you, ignoring the questions and shouts to come back from the boys. He walks up to you without a care in the world and wraps his hands around your waist, burying his face into the crook of your neck.

You tense up for a split second and he feels like an absolute idiot for just coming up behind you like he did, but then you lean back into him, turning your head slightly to the side to murmur a “Hey, Tommy.” into his ear, and his entire head goes blank.

Tommy? He could get used to that.

“Hey, love. You look like you’re having fun.” He fights every urge in him to not kiss into your neck, to not leave the marks that he’s been dying to for weeks on end. 

“I am. I really never thought this would be my scene, but it’s a rush.” You giggle, still dancing to the music, his swaying along behind you, still holding onto your waist.

“Told you that you’d like it.” He breathes, still resting his face in your neck. You can feel his warm breath fan over the expanse of your skin and it sends shivers down your spine, which doesn’t go unnoticed by him, the smirk that you can feel appear on his face lets you know for a fact that he felt it. “Hey, do you maybe want to go upstairs? Take a breather?” 

At this, you turn to face him, “Tom…” you say pointedly, knowing what people will think if you head upstairs together. You can already hear the things that people will say. “Is that the best idea? You know what people are going to say.” 

He flashes the puppy dog eyes, and he immediately has you, but you can’t let him know that, so you continue to put up a fight. “Tom, the rumors aren’t going to be pretty.”

“I won’t let anyone say anything bad about you, darling. I don’t wanna do anything, just wanna take a beat, cool down, spend some time with you.” You smile, wanting to just give in to him, to let him lead you to his room that you’ve been in way too many times before, but you’re still a little worried.

“People are going to say things regardless of what you do. And it isn’t just me they’ll say things about.” He leans down, pressing his face back into your neck.

“Please? I really want to just be with you, I’ll fight anyone who says anything bad if I have to.” He promises, making your smile grow.

“There’s no need for violence, come on, let’s go to your room.” You finally agree, letting him take you by the hand and push through the crowd.

You slowly make the trek up the stairs to his room at the very end of the hallway, stepping inside and letting him close the door behind the two of you.

You flop down on his bed, laying on your stomach and looking around the room that you’d already scanned countless times before. The books on the shelf are calling out to you, but it’s not the time. This is a party, not a study session. You let your eyes roam again, landing on the family photo that you’ve admired more times than you would care to admit. He looks so happy, posing on a golf course with his brothers and dad, Tessa sitting at his feet.

“You’re gorgeous.” He blurts, not thinking of the consequences that could come from his words.

You can feel your cheeks heat up from the compliment, your ears beginning to burn. “Thanks, you’re pretty gorgeous yourself.”

“Thanks, love.” He chuckles, and then the room falls silent for a few moments, your head resting on the bed, eyes closed and trying to get your heartbeat to slow down. He’s still standing by the door, leaning on his desk and playing with his fingers.

You continue observing the room, noticing for the first time that there was a little hole by the bathroom door. You wonder how it got there. Your brain is shuffling through a few options of how it could have appeared when Tom clears his throat and catches your attention.

You turn your head, locking eyes with him again and quirking your eyebrow, sending him the message to continue, to just spit out whatever he has to say.

“I walked into that coffee shop that day and ordered a coffee. I was in a hurry and I needed to make it to an important meeting at the house, but I saw you through the window. You looked so stressed, I didn’t just want to bombard you with yet another order, so I took my time by looking through the pastry cases, letting you have a second to breathe.” He pulls out the chair by his desk and plops down in it, looking too nervous to continue standing. “I strolled on over to the counter, ordered the simplest thing I could, and patiently waited for you to get it. I saw that you spilled some on yourself and wanted so badly to take your hand in mine and kiss it better. I don’t know why, it was just an urge I had.” He chuckles slightly, as if realizing how utterly ridiculous the action would have been if it had actually been carried out. “After that day, I couldn’t get your smile out of my head, couldn’t get the way that your eyes lit up to stop replaying in my thoughts.” He runs his hand through his hair, looking around the room before landing his eyes back on yours. “I looked for you for a while, asked about you, but to no avail.”

You chuckle this time, you’re not surprised that he couldn’t find you by asking around, you didn’t associate yourself with many people. 

He flashes you a smile and then continues, “Everything about you makes me smile, I don’t know what it is about you, but you’re the best person I’ve ever met. I can’t keep you out of my head no matter how I try. You drive me crazy in the best way possible. I caught feelings for you. I feel so hard and that scares me to death at first.” He sighs, looking away from you again. “I don’t usually do the whole commitment thing, as my reputation suggests, but thinking about the things that I could have with you makes me want the commitment, makes me want to be domestic and lovey with you.Don’t get me wrong, it’s still terrifying.” He locks eyes with you again. “You just have this way of making me feel like everything’s going to be alright.” He cracks a smile before continuing with, “I think that the world could be ending and you’d make me feel like it was fine.”

You’re smiling so hard that your cheeks hurt. Tom Holland, arguably the hottest, most popular boy on the entirety of campus is into you. And not only is he into you in the way that everyone had thought he would be, he actually wanted something real with you. He didn’t just want to have you in his bed for one night. The way that he was explaining it, he wanted you in his bed every night for as long as he could have you.

You have to take a second to catch your breath, his confession leaving you feeling as if you had just run a marathon at a full sprint.

Once you calm yourself back down, you let everything you had been dying to say fall out of your mouth. “That day at the coffee shop, all I needed was one thing to make me smile. I just needed that one thing to let me know that it was going to be okay. And then you walked in, and you didn’t just make me smile for a minute, you made me smile for the rest of the day. I looked for you too, searched every group of people I walked past. I didn’t ask anyone because I doubted anyone that I know would know someone that looks like you.” You chuckle awkwardly, trying not to put too much thought into what’s coming out of your mouth. If you did you would immediately psych yourself out and that’s definitely what you needed.

“I caught feelings too. I really tried not to, if we’re being completely honest with each other. I never thought that this would be me.” You look down at your hands, playing with the silver band that you keep around your finger. “I didn’t think that I would be that girl, you know? The girl that falls for the cute frat boy, even though they were repeatedly told to avoid him.” You smile despite yourself, still twisting the ring mindlessly. “I fit the cliche perfectly, don’t you think? The nerdy girl with barely any friends that meets the boy that needs a little help studying and then falls for him.” You scoff at how predictable the whole thing was, it was almost laughable. Honestly, it was, and you’d be laughing along if it wasn’t your life. 

“But the thing about it is, I was fine with being that cliche. I was fine with falling for the boy I’m not supposed to because it wasn’t just any boy, it was you. And I haven’t been able to get your stupidly perfect face out of my head since the minute you wandered into the shop. I can’t stop thinking about holding your hand when I see you tracing seemingly random things with your fingertips. Can’t stop myself from wanting to lean over and kiss you every time that I’m helping you study and get a little pouty because you want a break but we’ve only been working for like five minutes so I say no. Can’t stop myself from thinking about how sometimes we nap together and wake up tangled in each other's arms, and how we could do that every day.” Your cheeks begin to burn at the things that you just let slip out of your mouth, but you’re quickly distracted by the embarrassment as you feel the bed shift under Tom’s weight.

He settles in beside you, taking your hand in his and running his thumb over your knuckles. You look up at him, wanting to see his reaction to what you had just said, and as soon as you see his face, you’re floored.

He has the biggest smile splayed across his face, and you can’t help but mimic his expression, glad to see that he wasn’t repulsed by what you had to say. Which, honestly, it wouldn’t make that sense if he was, but there’s always a possibility.

“Y/N, I know we haven’t known each other for that long, and yeah, we’re definitely the cliche, but would you maybe wanna be my girlfriend?” Tom asks, a hopeful look in his eyes.

You want to say yes. You really do, more than anything in the world, but your voice of reason is asking you why someone in him would really want to be with you. Sure, he said that he didn’t want to be that guy anymore, but that’s literally who he is. Why would he really just throw all that away all of a sudden? 

“No offense Tommy, but you’re not exactly serious boyfriend material, and I’m the girl that wants to have a serious boyfriend, to have a relationship that’ll last. I want to be able to take my boyfriend home to my mom and dad. I don’t just date for the hell of it, Tom. I date for real.” You say, fighting an internal struggle with yourself. So much of you wants to just say yes, but he has to know what you want in a relationship. “And don’t freak out when I say this, because a lot of guys do. But, really, if you’re not dating someone to see if they’re the person that you’ll spend the rest of your life with, why are you even dating them? That’s how I view relationships.”

“I get that, it doesn't freak me out. I used to be like that, used to want a serious relationship.” You give him a look, the way he’s wording his sentences not helping his case. He gets the hint and rushes to continue what he was saying. “I just lost myself here, but being around you made me realize that the part of me that wants to be in a serious relationship, that wants to be domestic was still in there.” He’s getting more nervous by the second, you can tell by the way his fingertips are tracing patterns into your hand. You give his a quick squeeze in reassurance. “I don’t expect you to believe me right now. Honestly, I wouldn’t believe me either if I were you, but I’ll prove it to you. I’ll show you that I can be the guy that you want. Screw my reputation, forget what everyone thinks about me. I just need you by my side, I don’t care what anyone else has to say.”

You smile, feeling your chest swell with his words. There’s not a single part of you that doesn’t think he could prove it to you, so you don’t hesitate to agree.

“Fine. prove it to me Holland, and then I’ll think about being your girlfriend.”

*

Ever since that night, he’s been even more perfect than he already was. He really meant it when he said that he’d prove it. Not a day goes by that he doesn’t show you that he could be everything that you need and more.

He walks you to class from wherever you had spent the night before. If you had slept over at the frat house, he would let you shower there and wear some of his clothes if you hadn’t brought any of your own with you - or if you just wanted to wear his clothes - and then he would walk you back to your dorm so you could finish getting ready. If the two of you had slept in your room, he would always make sure that he woke you up by nuzzling into your neck, then letting you get ready while he checked to make sure you had everything you needed for the day. 

Once you were ready to head out the door, he’d grab your stuff for you, slinging your bag over his shoulder and either grab your hand or throw his arm over your shoulders. He’d walk you all the way to class and then leave you with a kiss on your cheek.

During those that you have together, though, he walks in and you sit near the back. You moved where you normally sit so that he can whisper in your ear during the lectures without bothering anyone else. You had ended up needing to invest in a voice recorder so you could catch the content and listen to it later.

The classes that you shared that took place in the early mornings were by far the worst, for you anyways. He seemed to not have a problem with getting up at the crack of dawn to get ready. But no matter how tired you were, he was always there to make sure that you were well put together. And, after he ensured that the voice recorder was on and running, he would let you lay your head on his shoulder and get a little more sleep.

On the nights that you’re not too worn down from classes, he’ll take you out to dinner. He always lets you pick the restaurant and then takes you to a new scenic destination to watch the sunset. 

You still spend a lot of your time at the library, still having to study even though you’re spending a steadily increasing amount of time with Tom. Any time that you need to sit at the library to study, he’ll tag along if you want him to, even if he doesn’t need to study. He’ll sit across from you, knowing how you like to have an ample amount of space to spread out your materials, and read a book.

Even when you didn’t go out anywhere, just stayed in and spent time with each other, everything was perfect. Everything was completely perfect.

And what really took you by surprise was the fact that he didn’t even seem like he was trying very hard. It seemed like acting like this with someone that he cared about was just second nature. It was really pleasant, knowing that if you did say yes, it would be like this all the time.

One of your biggest fears going into this was that he would be perfect until you said yes and then completely change, do a full one eighty and make you regret your entire decision. But the way that he acts comes naturally to him that you don’t have a doubt in your mind that it will stay the same if you agree to date him.

*

A few weeks later, you’re sitting on his bed, scrolling aimlessly through your phone as he sits at his desk, working on another essay. You had finished yours a few hours prior, so you were waiting for him to complete the rough draft so you could read over it.

“Yes.” You blurt, not thinking to elaborate.

“Hmm?” He wonders, not even looking up from his laptop, fingers still clicking away at the keys.

“Yes.” You say, a little louder this time. His fingers stop moving, coming to a rest on his keyboard.

“What do you mean , love?” He asks, not wanting to get his hopes up as to what you could be talking about.

“I’ll be your girlfriend.” He jumps up from his chair, a smile breaking across his face. He bounds over to the bed and picks you up, spinning you around and planting kisses all around your face.

You giggle, trying to wiggle your way out of his grip to no avail. After a few moments, he lets you down. He clambers onto the bed beside you and puts a hand on each side of your face, smooshing your cheeks.

“I love you, in case it wasn’t obvious.” He says, looking at you like you’re the reason that his world spins.

“I love you too, Holland. Couldn’t imagine life without you.” And it’s true, although you’d only known him for a span of a few months, he had completely changed your life.

And suddenly, you’re really thankful for a busy day at the coffee shop.

*

Permanent Taglist - @spideygirl2003, @jackiehollanderr, @scarletsoldierrr, @thewayilookatbacon, @parker-barnes-af, @lost-in-the-stars03, @kisses-holland, @josiemara, @god-knows-what-am-i-doing, @fanficscuziranout, @akila-stilinski @babebenhardy @write-from-the-heart, @slytherinambitious, @miraclesoflove @tomshufflepuff, @quaksonhehe, @a-different-brand-of-beans, @dummiesshort, 

Tom Holland Taglist - @cyrusandhiscollaredahirts, @thorsangel, @perspectiveparker, @sucker-09, @tom1year, @averyfosterthoughts, @the-crazy-fanfictionist

People who wanted to be tagged in this piece - @sleepybesson, @xoxohollands

[yangrdn]

Electric Love

pairing: Harrison Osterfield x Fem!Reader

a/n: this is for @t-holland2080‘s summer writing challenge! I had so many different ideas for this propmt, but didn’t get to write them so i told myself i’d just write other fics with those ideas hehe...but this is it for now; so i hope you’ll like it!! alos had a lot of fun writing it.

prompt is in italics (i used prompt 32 of her list)

Summary: A dumb tik tok challenge makes you and your roommate kiss, and maybe confess to each other.

words: 1.5k

Warnings: none really

m.list

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“Say hello to the camera!” you say as you jump in front of Harrison, your roommate. He smiles and waves to the camera, sending you a wink. You smile back and walk back to the living room to let him cook in peace. You throw yourself on the sofa and exhale as you think about what to do next. He’ll need to be with you to be able to film the video, so how are you going to make him think that it’s just a normal tik tok? The video is now in your drafts, and you just have to finish it later...

You woke up today with the great idea of kissing your roommate. Well, it was actually the tik tok you watched over and over again that brought you this idea. It was a girl sitting in a car next to her crush, whilst music was playing in the background, and she tried to play it cool until she grabbed his face and kissed him. He kissed her back, but you don’t know if it’ll turn out that good with Haz, too. 

You had a crush on him for a long time now, your heart always beating faster when he talked to you or just looked at you. You felt a warm spread through you every time you laid next to him on the sofa watching a movie, or just talking - which would often end up with you falling asleep on the sofa. 

“Can you do your own laundry? I’m tired of waking up every day and finding your clothes on the floor.” You groan and crouch down on the floor to collect the dirty laundry. You only get a chuckle back as an answer. A sigh leaves your lips and you continue to get Harrison’s and your clothes. 

“Tom and Harry are coming over later, so I’m going out now to buy some things,” he explains.

“Are you-” a sock is being thrown in your face- “also going to buy the yoghurt I told you, like, three days ago?” you huff and take the sock as he puts on his shoes and leaves. 

Only 10 minutes later, you get a text from him saying he’s almost there, and that his friends are with him. Quick, you take your phone and think about how you’re going to make it seem like you’re just recording, but not really obvious. You decide to just press record every time you do something and then do the big thing once you’re alone.

The bell rings and you hear keys, signaling you that they’re here. Your eyes enlarge and you take a deep breath before opening the door. You’re greeted by the three boys and big smiles on their faces. 

“Hey!I’ve been waiting to see you guys.” You shake their hands and smile. 

“Yeah, me too!” Harry smiles as he hugs you. 

“So, uh, what do y’all want to drink?” you ask whilst walking to the kitchen and trying to act as calm as possible. 

“Nothing, really. We just wanted to talk and ask how it's going.” Tom says as he plants himself on the sofa and gets comfortable. You nod and sit next to Harry, as Harrison sits on the other side of you. Since the sofa is not that big, your knee is touching his and he lazily stretches his arm behind you and lets it rest at the back of the sofa. You feel his gaze on you as you straighten your back and try to act normal, in which you instantly fail you notice when he coughs and pulls his arm back. The boys seem to have noticed the tension, because Tom decides to break the awkward silence in the room. 

“Uh, what did you guys do today?” he asks. You resist to slap your forehead at his question. 

“We just cleaned around the room and that’s it, I guess,” you shrug and laugh in hope to sparkle a conversation. 

“Should we watch a movie? I got-” you cut him off as you jump up and run to your room.

“We’ll watch Rapunzel!” you yell on your way. The last thing you hear are groans and a “we should’ve known”. 

You come back with the DVD and give it to Harrison, so he can start the movie. Almost two years of watching the movie non stop, and you can still not let go of it. There’s just something about Rapunzel being alone and then living her life, happy and free at the end, that makes you smile. 

When the movie finishes, Harrison gets up and walks to the bathroom. Your eyes follow him and you wait a little, before going up yourself and walking to him. Harry and Tom get up and walk to the kitchen to probably get a snack and something to drink. 

Standing in front of the bathroom, you play with your hands and wait for Harrison to finish. When you hear the bathroom door open, you motion for him to come with you. He furrows and walks behind you. 

You grab his hand and pull him closer to you as you sit on the floor of your room and put your phone in front of the water bottle. You click on the sound and make sure that Harrison and you both are in the camera angle. 

“What are we going to do?” he asks and looks around your room. He’s been there often. And that’s when you feel a blush creeping up your face. You pulled him into your room without having an idea on how you’re going to do this. 

“Uh...there’s this new challenge on tik tok where you-” 

“No.” 

“But you didn’t even-”

“I don’t know if you remember this, but the last time you wanted me to do a challenge with you you almost killed me with your bag in your car,” he states. You hide a laugh as you remember the actions of last week, when you asked him to go shopping with you. You lean forward and press play on your phone, so that the video you started earlier continues, and make sure that only you can hear the music through your ear bud. 

“Oh, come on! You gotta admit that was funny!” you laugh. He looks at you as seriously as possible but fails as a smile grows on his face. 

“I’m not,” he says and starts to get up,”going to do a stupid challenge with you.” You panic and look back at the camera before grabbing his arm and pulling him down. 

“Y/N come on, you know that these challenges are stupid,” he whines and throws his head back. 

“I don’t know but this is a different challenge,” you say before grabbing his face and giving his lips a peck as the chorus of the song sounds in your ear. You pull back and let your hand fall next to you, chewing your lower lip as you wait for any reaction from him. He sits star struck next to you. 

You’re about to take your phone and stop recording, when he pulls you closer to him and presses his lips back to yours. You put your hands around his neck and pull him even closer, whilst he brushes his thumb against your cheek. 

You pull away breathless and look at him grinning. 

“I- uh, the challenge was kissing your crush,” you breathe out.

“Oh, I didn’t know!” he gasps and smiles. 

“Haz?” 

“Yeah?” he asks, his eyes trained on your phone, where the video keeps repeating. 

“I like you.” His head snaps to you and a big grin spreads across from it. If the butterflies in your belly haven’t exploded yet, then they sure did now. 

“You know about that party from three weeks ago?” he asks. You furrow your brows and nod.

“Tom, some other boys and I were playing truth or dare and-” your smile fades away at his statement. His eyes widen when he realizes what this sounds like and he immediately reaches out for your face. 

“No, no! It’s not what you think, I promise. They dared me to kiss you. And with no feelings involved. But I should’ve known. Falling in love with you was never a part of the plan. It just happened, but it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he breathes. 

You look at him through wide eyes. A warmth spreads through you again, and you can’t help but smile even more. 

“And I was in love with you far before the party, trust me. I just thought that with that I’d have an excuse to kiss you, if you ever said you wouldn’t want me…” he whispers and looks away. 

“You- I’d never not want you! Did you forget that I just said I liked you!” you grin and press your lips against his again. 

“And guess what? Now that I finally got you, I can’t let you go.” You part your lips to say that. 

You’ve been struck by his love. The one that kept you up every night, your mind running around it so loud that it was the only thing you could hear.

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》feedback is appreciated!《

[unsaidholland]

carbonara | s. holland

“I promise.” prompt #26 in @t-holland2080​ ‘s writing challenge :)

this was so fun to write and participate in!!

warnings: none !

liam was the greatest boyfriend you could have ever asked for, that is until he completely ghosted you, deleted everything that you were in or had to do with you off his social media, and became active on tinder again. there were no words exchanged to insinuate the breakup, it just happened. 

you were left with so many questions and not enough answers. why would he leave me? what did i do wrong? the sad part is, not once did you ask how you could get him back. he was gone and you knew it, but he left his sweaters, he had left behind every single thing that would have reminded you of him. none of your friends knew why, and if they did they didn’t tell you. his friends hadn’t answered any of your texts. just like liam, they all had ghosted you.

maybe it was easier for you to pretend like he had never happened, but you were still processing everything. you couldn’t just forget him while you were figuring out what was happening. 

after a week of staying at home sulking, sam decided that enough was enough. he came by your apartment and told you to get ready because you were going to spend the day at his house. as much as you tried to refuse, he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. he was ready to give up anything and everything to make you feel better. he was your best friend, and he took it upon himself to take care of you even if you couldn’t take care of yourself. 

you laid under the covers, on your side in full fetal position, in silence. you didn’t even realize your mom had let sam in, and that he was standing in your doorway until you heard a camera shutter. you sat up and looked over at the doorway to see sam standing there with his phone out. predicting what he was going to make you do, you laid back down onto your bed and pulled the duvet up over your head, earning a small chuckle from sam. 

“come on y/n, it’s been a week and you haven’t even left your house.” all sam was doing was stating facts. you didn’t need to hear this from one more person. you were heartbroken, but anyone would be able to tell. 

“go away sam,” you sighed out. you didn’t wanna go anywhere, and you were not planning on going anywhere, but then sam gave you an offer too good to turn down. 

“if you get out of bed and come over, i’ll make you all the carbonara you want.” how could you turn that down? he was willing to make you unhealthy, copious amounts of your favourite food. never mind the fact that it wasn’t healthy to only have carbs, it was the only thing that made you voluntarily get out of bed, put on a different change of clothes and get out of the house. 

soon enough you found yourself sitting on sam’s couch. the house was empty, his mom was out on a shoot, his dad was out having a meeting, and paddy was at school. tessa sat beside you as you were curled up under a blanket despite the sweater and sweatpants you were wearing. 

sam came back to the couch from the kitchen with two bowls of carbonara, one for him and one for you. murder on the orient express was playing on his tv as the two of you began to eat. neither of you were actually paying attention to the film playing on the tv. sam was waiting for you to open up, while your mind continued to race, thinking of all the possible answers to your questions. 

you took a bite of the pasta and closed your eyes as you relished the dish. sam always made the best food, especially since he started taking cooking seriously and chose to major in it in university. although you were always honest with him with his food, you always loved everything he made. you swore that he had to be your wedding caterer if possible. 

“sam, why did he leave me?” you asked, turning to face him. the bowl of carbonara sat in your lap, half-finished as the movie played in the background unnoticed. 

sam let out a sigh and ran his hands through his hair. “honestly y/n/n, he’s an idiot for leaving you. i don’t know why he did it, but,” sam paused, wanting to choose his words wisely, ”you’ll find someone better.” did sam have feelings for you? he didn’t know. he knew he would do anything for you, but that’s just what friends do, right?

“i’m sorry, this is stupid.” immediately you felt bad. sam was trying to cheer you up, but instead, your mind kept pulling yourself back into a constant cycle of overthinking. “i shouldn’t be thinking about him right now, not when you’re right next to me.” 

your words rang in his head. not when you’re right next to me. what did that even mean? “you’re allowed to be upset y/n, you just shouldn’t have to be alone. i’m here for you, always,” he said, voice getting quiet towards the end of the sentence. he was always there for you, you knew that and so did he, but he wanted to be there for you forever. he wanted you to stop crying over these guys who don’t know how to treat you properly, he wanted you to find the perfect guy just so you could be happy, he didn’t even realize it, but he wanted to be the one to make you happy. 

before he could even think, sam said, “every single time you want carbonara, i’ll make it for you. if you’re heartbroken, if it’s three am, if it’s the middle of the day, it won’t matter. i’ll make it for you.” he had put his bowl down on the coffee table, tessa being good and not eating it. he took your hands in his, looked into your eyes and said, “i promise.”

“don’t make a promise you can’t keep sam,” you said lightheartedly. did you want to take him up on this offer, yeah, of course you did, but you also learned from all the breakups you’ve been through that promises were made to be broken. that’s just the way the world worked, and unfortunately, you’ve fallen into its trap one too many times. 

“i swear to you, i’ll make you carbonara anytime.” his brown eyes shone with determination, determination that wasn’t hidden to you, determination that you picked up on immediately. unfortunately for you, sam was quite stubborn and set in his ways, and he knew he was going to make you give in. 

“i’m holding you to that samuel.” you turned back to the screen, not knowing where the characters were in the plot. your brain was focused on how he was willing to give himself to you through carbonara anytime you asked. 

•••

it had been five years since sam got you out of bed by making carbonara. a few months after that day, he finally realized his feelings for you. now, after dating for a year and ten months, everything stayed perfect. he went from your best friend to your boyfriend, to hopefully your future husband. 

he had a whole plan. he even asked your parents for permission to propose, not that he needed to, but because he wanted them involved in this process. both of your families had decided to go on a christmas/new years vacation together. before you knew it, you found yourself in bali with your family and your boyfriend’s family.

sam was riddled with nerves as you all went to the beach that day. the only person who knew about his plan out of all the hollands was harry, but to be fair, how could he hide anything from the person who has been with him before even being born?

“are you ready?” harry asked him, though he knew the answer. sam was never going to be ready, but he was itching to make it official. he can’t live without you.

“you know i’m never going to be ready, but i’m still gonna do it.” harry gently punched sam’s bicep.

“you got this.” harry smiled at his twin.

sam looked over at you at the volleyball net. sporting a pair of shorts and a blue bikini top, he watched as you were tossing the ball back and forth over the net with paddy. he saw the way his family just got along with you and how they all had accepted you into the family, but now it was time to make it official.

as if on cue, nicola had called paddy over, leaving you alone at the net. tom was in the ocean swimming, but harry had caught his attention, and he came back to where both sets of parents were sitting. sam was forever grateful that he had found a villa that had a private beach connected to it.

“hey love, let’s go sit with them,” sam said when he approached you. you nodded, immediately grabbing his hand. was sam even ready? was he prepared? he swore he practiced what he was going to say over and over again in the shower all the days leading up to this. though he knew he would never be fully prepared, he had a sense of hope that he would be more prepared than he felt now. 

everyone was lost in conversation, mostly talking about how nice the villa that you all had rented was, but harry looked at his twin and saw nothing but nerves and fear. sam thought for a second, here goes nothing. “wait guys can i say something real quick?” harry smiled as he realized what was happening. a chorus of ‘sure’s echoed between the families as he turned to you. 

“i honestly can’t believe we’re all here together in bali, but i actually had a surprise planned for you.” a confused look painted your face as the brown-eyed boy spoke. “i know we’ve only been together for less than two years, but this just feels right - our families together. i promised you years ago that i would make you carbonara whenever, but i have a few promises to add to that if you’d let me. i promise to always be there for you, to always make you happy, to always give you cuddles whenever you want. i promise to love you forever and always,” he paused to get on one knee, pulling the ring out from his pocket, causing everyone to gasp except for harry. “i swear to you, i’ll be the best husband you could have if you would marry me, y/n. so, will you marry me?” tears sprung at the corners of your eyes and rolled down your cheeks. you nodded, not being able to find the words to say. sam smiled, stood up, and captured your tear-streaked lips in a kiss, and when he pulled away, the diamond engagement ring was placed on your ring finger.

as your families celebrated over the engagement, you turned to him. “when we get home, can we have celebratory carbonara?” he laughed, nodded, and kissed you again.

[hollanderfangirl]

Rain | Harry Holland| 

A/N: This is for @t-holland2080 ‘s writing challenge. I absolutely loved writing this!

Prompt 46. "I love you" "I'm not going to say 'I know' like Han Solo"

It was a cloudy day in southwest London. The ground was still wet from the showers of the night before. Harry hated rainy days, he liked it when the sun was shining and everyone was outside their homes to enjoy the sunshine. But you, on the other hand, adored the rain. There was just something about rain, the soft noises it makes when it reaches a windowpane or the lovely petrichor it gives out when it hits the earth. Usually you would sit by the window and read when rain is trickling outside, but today you wanted to go out, to be one with nature.

You both walked around a park, holding hands and smiling at each other. The park was empty, so seemed the whole city. You couldn’t blame anyone, it was early morning and a lazy Saturday. The only voices were that of the birds chirping.

“Tell me again, why did you wake me up so early to do this?” Harry asks you.

“Don’t you see it’s such a beautiful day!” you run towards the centre of the park.

“It’s so gloomy, darling. And nobody’s here”

“That’s why it’s so cool! It’s like we’re the last two people on the planet”

He runs behind you and wraps his arms around your waist, nuzzling his nose on your neck and slowly kissing the skin.

“If that is so, why don’t we-”

“No Mr Holland, don’t ruin the mood,” you push him away.

“Oh I’m ruining the mood now?” he chuckles.

“Yes you are” you gasp, causing him to pout.

You pull him closer again and attach your lips against his. He holds your cheeks with his big hands and your tilt your head to the side, deepening the kiss. He reaches one hand to entwine with yours. You smile into the kiss before pulling away slowly to say “I love you”

“I’m not going to say ‘I know’ like Han Solo”

“Oh I know” you laugh and kiss him again, rougher this time, your tongues briefly touching and your hands exploring each other’s bodies.  It was an inside joke between you both, from the time you watched The Empire Strikes Back. Saying ‘I love you too’ seemed too common, too cheesy and Harry being the little cheeky lad he is, said you should recreate the iconic Star Wars scene.

You would’ve stayed like that if it wasn’t for the rain to start pouring again. Thunder burst loud in the sky, causing to startle you both. At first it came as drizzle, then within seconds it came rushing down. You start to run towards the house and see Harry still standing behind.

“What are you doing? Let’s go home”

“I thought you liked rain”

“I like to watch it from inside the house, not getting drenched in it!”

Either way, you danced in the rain, not caring about anything. Nothing seemed important anymore, he was all you had and needed and that was enough. He looked so beautiful then, with his curls wet and his little smile wide across his face, his eyes still groggy and sleepy, it was a sight that would remain in your memory for a long time. He picked your up and twirled you around, you closed your eyes and little rain drops fell down on your face, the ground wet and swampy beneath you. You felt really sorry for the people who were sleeping or inside their houses at that time. They missed an encounter with the tears of the sky.

“I love you” he says, pushing a strand of hair from my face.

“I know” you smirk.

“Hey you don’t get to be Han Solo in this relationship, that would mean I’m princess Leia then”

“You could be, I’ll be the scoundrel,” you give him a little kiss on his cheek. “Come on, princess, we gotta reach home before we catch a cold” you wink and race each other home.

[spinachgarden]

Hi! Would you mind writing for number 74 for that drabble challenge?

Hello! Sorry this took me so long to get to!

YES I WILL DO #74!

SamBucky - Can you taste the rain?

Outside, the rain is pouring down in sheets, thundering against the roof incessantly. Bucky sighs and wedges himself deeper into the corner of the couch, a book propped on his knees and a mug of tea in his free hand. He’s never been a big fan of the rain - it’s cold and miserable and gloomy outside, and he much prefers the sun, warm and bright and cheerful. 

Sam comes into the living room only a moment later. He seems to be in a good mood, bright eyed and bushy tailed despite the dreary weather. 

“Mornin’ Buck,” he chirps. On his way to the kitchen, Sam stops to wrap the blanket from the back of the couch around Bucky’s shoulders, making sure it’s tucked tight before he goes to pour himself a mug of coffee. 

“Morning,” Bucky says. “Sleep okay?” 

“Yeah,” Sam says brightly. “The sound of the rain knocks me right out. Slept like a baby.”

Bucky snorts. “Yeah you did,” he agrees. “Didn’t even wake up when I got out of bed.” To be fair, that’s not unusual for Sam - he tends to enjoy sleeping in on his weekends, rarely crawling out of bed before ten, grumbling and grouching at Bucky to come back to sleep, to snuggle, to at least bring coffee if he’s going to be up so damn early. Today, though, Sam didn’t even stir when Bucky got up around six. 

A long, silent moment passes between them while Sam takes his first few sips of coffee. Once he’s drained half his mug, he comes to the couch and snuggles up close, resting his head on Bucky’s shoulder and breathing a deep sigh of contentment. “I love the rain,” he says, unprompted, “but it’s even better right after it stops, when the sun just starts coming out again.” 

“You mean when it’s all wet and muddy outside?” Bucky asks with a raised eyebrow. 

“I mean yeah, it’s wet and muddy, but it’s nice. Peaceful. The air feels clearer, like you can taste the rain. You know what I mean?” 

“Sammy, I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about,” Bucky says with a small chuckle. Sam snorts and takes another sip of his coffee, making an absolutely obscene noise as he does, and they fall back into comfortable silence. It’s easy to pass the hours of the rainstorm like this, snuggled on the couch together, a good book in hand and a hot mug of tea on the end table. After a while, Sam flicks on the TV and Bucky splits his attention, half focusing on HGTV while he rereads the same pages over and over again. It’s nice, he thinks, even if it’s gross outside. Spending this time with Sam, winding down - he’d do this forever, if he could. If the world didn’t need saving. 

Three episodes of house-hunters later, Sam perks up. “The rain stopped,” he says, already half-standing. “C’mon, Buck.”

“Sam,” Bucky says, deadpan, “I’m in the middle of a page.” 

“You’ve been reading that page for eight minutes,” Sam retorts. “C’mon. I wanna show you what I mean.” 

Bucky grumbles a bit more about it, just to be contrary, but ultimately allows Sam to lead him outside. 

Maybe he’s right. The air seems clearer, like the rain has finally washed away the clinging humidity of late summer, and there’s a clean taste to it, something he’s never really cared to pay attention to until now. He supposes Sam brings that out in him - an ability to appreciate the little things for what they are, like the moments just after a rainstorm. Beside him, Sam has his eyes closed, head tilted up so that the sunlight is glinting across his face, and he sucks in a big breath of air, open-mouthed. He looks beautiful like this, unabashedly content to bask in the moment. 

“Can you taste it?” he murmurs, eyes still closed. “Can you taste the rain?” 

“Yeah,” Bucky says. “I can.” 

[philtstone]

Listen LISTEN u already KNOW I am nothing if not a HO for the way u write casual intimate touches,,,,,,,,so how about,,,,,,,“don’t want to let go hugs” for,,,,,,drum roll pls,,,,,,,sarah/bucky 👀👀👀

part of this verse and specifically relevant to a plot point in "clover". shoutout to @firstelevens for gently coaxing me through the unreasonable volume of nerves i experienced posting this. there be angst ahead. im a little sorry in advance

you can also read this on ao3 :)

Sarah's been thinking of her mother all afternoon.

She's not sure why. Maybe because her back and feet ache, that dull tiredness that comes from a long week of work. Or maybe because the house is so full. People are moving in and out through the porch and the living room and the kitchen and the backyard. Her mother always ran a full house. If there was a person needing something, they were let in through the front door. Sarah's long come to realize that the most prevalent need was for a friend, even if it was wrapped up in an ask to borrow plastic tablecloths or extra sugar or get a recipe they just couldn't crack.

So she's got her mom on her mind. There's a tenderness to her remembering. Also a fragility. Her mother, who had given up college not because of some oppressive social tragedy but because she had wanted to. Her mother, halfway pregnant without meaning to be and jumping feet first into a new business she didn't know much about running, her husband’s hand held firmly in her own. There's a reason there used to be about four years difference between she and Sam. More or less nullified now, but anyway. Sarah wonders what her mother had felt, in that moment, filled with love for the life she had but faced with the unchangeable reality of what she never was given to mourn the loss of in the first place.

Sarah is thinking of all this when she enters the house, laughing at some nonsense Sheira's spouting. Sheira always spouts nonsense when tipsy on coolers, and she's outside on the porch now, perched in her husband's lap and hooting her head off at Mr. Liu's whacky stories. Annette's in the backyard, mediating an age-old debate between her mother and Ms. Gloria regarding some brand of seasoning, and Annette’s boyfriend's talking knitting patterns with Carlos by the landing floor bathroom.

Sheira protests Sarah's leaving, but it’s loose, distracted, the way comfortable friendship can be at this hour and with the knowledge you're all home.

"No, I'm just gettin' some water –” Sarah’s saying. “I'll be right back, you keep on making a fool of yourself, girl."

"Now Sarah, you know my wife's always foolin'."

"Mr. Langston you better keep your thoughts to yourself, or I'm leavin' this lap. Go on, Sam honey, deal the next hand. Look at this. I’m bettin’ on him, ‘cause Captain America won’t cheat."

“Yeah, but old Sammy will.”

“Aw you know my poker face ain’t worth a damn, Lou, c’mon –”

Sam's losing at cards to some of the dock guys. He's got a full smile on, one that he's shot over at her every so often since about four thirty when she passed him by in the kitchen. It's closer to eight now. They've got half the street over -- Sarah's not sure how it happened, but one thing led to another. Maybe it's 'cause Sam's home. It's close to the end of the summer, wind turning, kids feeling some kind of way about going back to school. Cass has been babbling all week about how he's gonna have to start thinking of college next year -- a whole three hundred and sixty-five days from now. AJ is already scandalized on his behalf.

Just now, the kids are running up and down through the house. She heard something, an hour or so ago, about a game of cops and robbers tangled up in a Tik Tok challenge Sarah's had just enough Mom Bandwidth to declare acceptable for consumption – vaguely, she's aware that Bucky's been corralling 'em, and that is enough for her. It's nice and cool indoors when she slips through the screen door and pads her way toward the kitchen. Laughter filters in through the windows from all corners of the place. There's music playing. There's a kind of loving in the air. Sometimes, Sarah thinks she tricks herself into not savoring it as much as she should.

You're so practical, Mama, Cass told her a few months ago, grave in the kitchen while he helped her with the overfull garbage bags. I think you run our house a sorta way and it makes everyone forget that's not just how things are, like, everywhere.

Sarah has to stop her pilgrimage because Elling Clancy's string bean self has just raced patter-footed past her, holding an old nerf gun with her hair in its customary tangled nest and hollering something about Sugar shorin' up their defenses.

"Elling! Don't be slipping on my hardwood and bustin' your head open now!"

"No Ms. W!"

She is about to move on when she hears the much quieter murmur of voices coming in through the living room. Sarah pauses, leaning back, and looks in through the door. She feels her whole self soften, one hand coming up to flutter against the slipping strap of her sundress.

Bucky is with little Nina Calleigh by the foot of the couch. Sarah's sure Nina must have tired out from the older kids' game, needed a rest or a break or a distraction; there's a bent copy of The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe open but abandoned on the floor by their legs, and one of AJ's old dinosaur figurines discarded by what must be Bucky's half-finished glass of sweet tea. They're engrossed in something, he and Nina, heads bent low together over it, a secret little conversation all of their own. At four, Nina's started loving those. She's determined to communicate everything either as a yell or a lispy whisper in your ear, both done with equal force and conviction. Doesn't help that her older sister is Sugar, and Sugar sees it her God-given duty to full body slam the whole world at any given opportunity.

Bucky moves his arms, lifting Nina up from her place on the floor to prop her against his chest. For the first time Sarah spots Alpine as a raggedy little ball of white in his lap, one of her tiny white feet poking out over the strong bend of his knee. Nina wants to cuddle with the cat, Sarah realizes, but keeps grabbing at her with abrupt movements and getting scared when Alpine startles.

"Gentle, we gotta be gentle," Sarah hears, feeling her lips twitch up into a small smile when it's followed by Nina's protesting,

"But I am been' gentle."

"'Kay, give me your hand. See? Like this." Together, they pet the cat once, Nina's chubby brown hand held delicately under the smooth metal plates of Bucky's fingers. "She doesn't get scared like that."

"Oooh," says Nina, pretty and wide-eyed, small bubbly voice filled with wonder. "She's so sof'."

"You wanna pet her again?"

"Yah! Can I pet her the whole night?"

Sarah can’t tell what it is. The way he is holding her, maybe, bracketed carefully upright but with enough space that she can be her own little person as she overbalances in the generous movements that four-year-olds so favour. Or the look in his eye, an open, selfless thing with no one around but Nina to see it, not quite adoring because he would never allow himself that with a child that wasn’t Sarah’s. This is something she has come to learn about him, has had to work to understand. But God, she feels it, that look, right in the center of her own chest. She watches him continue the conversation, listening intently to Nina’s small declarations, one hand reflexively coming up to cup the back of her head and tuck back the loose, flyaway curls haloing around her dimpled cheeks. Something sweet, aching, and long-forgotten wells up from a deep place in Sarah’s heart.

She makes it the rest of the way to the kitchen, slides down against the cabinets beneath the sink. By the time she has wrapped her arms around herself her cheeks are already wet.

She doesn't really know why she is crying. She tucks her hands around her mouth, tries to keep it quiet. It's not too hard at first; it's a quiet emotion that she's feeling. She pulls her knees up, and closes her eyes as tightly as she can, like maybe it will stop that way.

Footsteps creak on the kitchen landing and then she feels a warm body beside her. Her brother’s wide familiar hands cup her shoulders like he used to do when they were kids.

"Hey now," Sam says, somewhere above her.

"How'd you know I was gonna be here?" Sarah mumbles, face still covered, not without a touch of frustration.

"I'd like to think I know my sister."

"Shit," Sarah says, sounding far more watery than she means.

"You've had this look on your face all afternoon," Sam says, more gently than Sarah expects. "Been keepin' my eye out. You need a minute?"

Cass is nearing the end of high school, AJ about to start it, both turning into beautiful young men. She's so much older -- different body, different heart, different mind. Last week she heard on the news about another Black child in Baltimore, hurt by the people meant to protect her, and felt some measure of relief at her own decisions.

"I'm bein' so silly," Sarah whispers. She can feel Sam waiting on her, listening. "I don't know what's wrong with me, Sam. I don't know --"

She knows – he’s always been good with them. Even at his lowest points, those early days he’d visited, she had noticed. With her own boys, and their friends, and their cousin Lola’s brood last Thanksgiving – and there has been a quiet acceptance to it on both their parts, that this is it. They’re happy. Sarah is so overwhelmingly, achingly happy sometimes, at the fullness of the life she’s fought tooth and nail to build.

"I don't -- can you be grateful, like so grateful, I don't even know -- but there is a part of your heart that breaks anyways, I, Sam --"

"Oh," Sam says. "Oh, Sarah, yeah, of course. What happened?"

"Nothing," Sarah says, which is not a lie, and begins to cry in earnest. Sam wraps her up in a hug. She can still hear the sounds of the party, too-close, like it’s just outside the kitchen door waiting to jump in.

Sam shifts against her and Sarah realizes there is another presence pausing at the doorway. A child’s small voice asks a question. She stills, trembling, unable to calm herself. There is a rustle of movement, then toddler feet against Sarah's cracked laminate tiles.

"Hey bubba. You know where Cass is?"

"Yah. He’s playin’ in the backyard."

"Can you go hang out with him a minute?"

"'Kay."

"Okay. Thank you."

Three swift footsteps, and then he is there beside her.

"What --"

"Hey, hey, it's okay.” Sam, firm and reassuring. “She's fine."

"Sarah." There's quiet urgency to it. "Are you hurt anywhere? What happened?"

"She's just feelin' a little fragile right now," she hears Sam say, quiet above her.

“What …”

Sarah looks up, chest gasping, feeling a bit cracked open at the edges. Now that she has started crying, she does not know how to stop. It's always been like this. She hates crying, she remembers, ‘cause it’s always been like this.

Bucky is looking at her intently, brows drawn together in a soft shape, mouth parted slightly in the middle.

"Hey," he says softly, when she meets his eye. She is suddenly desperate to explain herself. She lets go of Sam, grabs onto him, brings her hands to his face. She presses one to either side and pushes her thumbs uncoordinated over the warm shell of one ear and the high curve of a cheekbone, feeling as though if she does not touch him she will fall apart.

"I love you," Sarah says, breath stuttering with the force of it. She is still crying, but she's moved beyond caring now. "I love you. I love you so much, I don't say it enough, but I --"

"Okay," Bucky says quietly, like he understands. "Okay." Then he folds her into a hug, letting her face press against his heart, beneath his chin. It’s not tight, not like the kind that squeezes, but there’s an unquestionable firmness to it. She can feel him press his mouth against the top of her head over the uneven crown of her braids. He is steady and present. She's pulled into his lap. She doesn't want to let go. She doesn't know what to do with all the grief that's so abruptly welled up inside of her, tangled into something beyond words. She can feel the murmur of some exchange above her head, and then the creak of Sam's feet leaving. They sit there for another minute, and Bucky is warm and solid and thrumming around her, and Sarah cries.

When he eventually shifts beneath her, Sarah operates on instinct and tightens her hold, nails digging into the hard curve of his shoulder blade. There is a beat, like he is making a decision, then Sarah feels a slight tensing of muscle, and the small swoop in her belly as she is lifted easily into the air.

She keeps her face pressed against the soft t-shirt covering his shoulder as Bucky walks them quietly from the kitchen into the living room, then beyond, to the den. The quiet click of the door shuts behind them, and Sarah is placed gently down on the rusty orange cover of the daybed, before he climbs up behind her on sock-clad feet and pulls her to his chest. He wraps himself around her from behind -- arms solid around her torso, knees bracketing her wide hips where her skirt has crumpled up around her thighs. He leans back against the wall, takes Sarah with him, and keeps them there, pressed together, only breathing steadily in the mundane fresh-laundry smell of the room.

The change in location helps her recalibrate. It's been so long since he’s stayed in here, Sarah thinks. Bucky’s a tidy creature by nature and habit, so he hasn’t really left much clutter behind. His books are on the shelf though, now, by her filing cabinet of tax stuff and the laptop Sam keeps at the house. Beside that is the small stack of college brochures she knows he’s collected in case Cass’s anxieties flair up again. Meticulous, like she said; over-prepared. Sarah has dealt with the hard press of survival by becoming a crisis-to-crisis kinda person. She’s always joked that there’s someone in her corner, throwing her in with Bucky and his compulsive twelve-step contingency plans.

She can hear a quiet echo of kids' laughter through the window, out into the backyard.

"Sarah," he says quietly, after a while. "I love you too."

"I know that," Sarah says. Her voice is stronger now, but raw. She looks down, rubs her thumb over the strap of his watch.

"You tell me you love me all the time." She stays quiet. “What’s going on?”

It is hard to explain. For many reasons, but foremost, because she doesn’t know if she can do it in a way that leaves him forgiving of himself.

“I think I had to grieve a little,” Sarah says.

He shifts around her, then runs his hands down her arm. Again, it is a movement light but unquestionably firm, and present. She can feel him press a kiss to her neck.

“Okay,” he says, and does not ask further.

They will go back out in a bit, she thinks, and be full of love for the life they have again. But in a minute, in a minute.

[jay-and-dean]

Yet another thing to celebrate

Dean x reader

Summary (I used the requester’s words) :  Reader’s birthday is on Christmas Eve, which generally sucks because everyone is either skint or celebrating Christmas.

Warnings : Fluffy fluff with a little fluff whipped cream on top. Very implied smut.

Wordcount : 3.6k

Note : This is my fic for @girl-next-door-writes Secret Santa (I reaaally hope you like it lovely, merry Christmas and happy birthday) hosted by @negans-lucille-tblr​ on @spnsecretsantaficexchange​.

I also made my participation to the amazing @acklesterritory​‘s celebration challenge, in the fic, my prompt was “I saw that, you just checked me out”, it’s bold in the fic.

The song refered to is She’s always a woman, by Billie Joel.

The text dividers are from the great @firefly-graphics​

Jay’s Masterlist

          Christmas…

           Before you even open your eyes, you sigh, grabbing the soft pillow in your fist and nuzzling on its softness in a sleepy grunt.

You don’t hate this day, but it often makes you a little sad despite your will to enjoy it fully. It is your birthday. December 24, the busiest day in the country, damn, in the whole West. And even if you are not the kind to want the full attention on you, to be spoiled or anything, you just wish sometimes that, for once, you could have a proper birthday.

           When you were a teen, you more than once even dared dreaming of a party you could throw, but Christmas is about family and basically about everyone. Not you.

           You dream of a little birthday party with friends, some drinks, music, maybe dancing a little... But it would be impossible unless you do it way before or way after, and it wouldn't really be the same...

           This year is different though.

           This winter, even if the celebration of your birth was totally forgotten, you don’t need anything more than what you have now. And what you have is Dean Winchester. Nothing is more important than that, nothing can make you happier.

           In fact, nothing can really make you feel any other way than blessed after this summer. After Dean kissed you on that hunt, after you two had sex in the Impala on your way home ; after later he asked you to stay in his bed for the night that other evening you both ended up naked. And finally, after he asked you to stay in his room for good a few weeks later, and started calling you his girlfriend.

           You smile thinking of waking up next to him and move your feet to find his behind you. But when you don’t, you turn and rub your eyes before opening them.

           Empty. Your shared bed is empty.

“Dean ?” is the first word you say, but the room stays cruelly silent.

Of course… It’s Christmas. He must be busy, like everyone is always on that day… The sting on your heart comes back... You have woken up with the man you love every single morning for the last few months, but not today.

           That is how lame your birthday can be.

           After staying in bed almost one hour, trying to shake that blues off by thinking of how blessed you are, you finally are about to get up and face that stolen day, but the door opens slowly.

           You close your eyes, not really knowing why, maybe just to avoid having to find an explanation for not getting up before if you were awake. The bed moves under Dean’s weight as he crawls on it slowly but you don’t move, even when he clumsily crushes your arm a little while hovering you.

“Happy birthday Baby” he whispers with his coffee breath close to your face. “Have you decided to skip today ? It’s almost noon.”

“Mh…” you hum, lifting your arms to reach his neck, desperate to feel his skin. “Thank you.”

You hesitate a second, wanting to ask him why he got up without you today, why he didn’t wake you with kisses and sweet words like he often does, but you don’t say anything, grateful enough that he got tired of you not being with him and came to get you.

           He lets a part of his weight fall on you, making you huff and laugh softly. His scruff scratches your shoulder, the rough fabric of his jeans is uncomfortable and his belt is digging to your hip but you wouldn't change a thing.

           Your hand goes to his neck and massages it softly, he hums, and you feel his body softly relax. You always know just how to calm him, how to make him fall back asleep after a nightmare, how to make his muscles calm after the roughest hunts. But after less than a minute, he grunts, sitting up.

"No, no" he shakes his head. "You're not making me skip that day with you ! Get up Baby."

He grabs your shoulders and playfully shake them, not realizing that even his kidding strength is huge.

"Geeet uuuup" he chuckles when your whole body is shaken and your laugh sounds funny because of it.

           The warm water runs along your hair and down your spine, and a soft steam fills the bathroom. For sure, that was a great late breakfast, with pancakes Dean had made for you, and his little stolen kisses.

           He is really making this day better.

           Maybe you can forget about your birthday now, and just enjoy Christmas like a normal person. You are loved, and you are happy, you don't need anything else.

           Washing your hair, you smile thinking of the tree the boys have bought, so big that they struggled to carry it up the stairs. You chuckle at thinking of Dean grumbling about the thorns covering Baby's seats. They even bought bags mysterious decorations and fairy lights they never let you see. The library now smells like Christmas tree.

           We're celebrating this year, Dean said. And in the years you have known the Winchesters, you indeed never saw them put so much effort in a holiday.

           A lot of things keep surprising you.

           Sam once told you that his brother had changed a lot since he was with you, making you worry more than anything else. You never wanted Dean to change, you love Dean just the way he is... Then you understood what Sammy was saying...

           You understood in the little things. Like Dean's new love for late mornings in bed, like him drinking a little less, being a little less reckless during hunts, humming in the shower, letting go more in bed, allowing himself to give up the constant control he has on himself... And in his will to celebrate Christmas. Dean is not different, he is just happier.

           Your eyes get a little wet with joy at the thought while your rub your body with the delicious smelling foam.

           Forget your birthday, if Dean's happiness demands this day to be the Christmas he didn't have as a kid, the Christmas he is finally allowing himself to want, then you are honored to help him make it perfect.

           You step out of the shower and your eyes meet the big mirror. In the middle of it, written with a big finger on the thick steam : "I love you Y/n".

           Your choice is made : This will be Christmas. This will be anything to make that man as lucky as you are.

"How can I help ?" you say, entering the kitchen where Dean is apparently trying to make cookies, wearing this apron he only puts on for great occasions.

"I'm making cookies men like in Shrek" he says pointing to the not-so-bad gingerbread biscuits he already cooked with his finger covered in dough.

           You come behind him and wrap your arms around his middle, forehead on his back, just feeling his breathing for a second. Dean doesn't stop what he is doing because he is used to you tenderly and randomly holding him, his clean fingers only come to gently caress your arm for a second before he shapes another cookie, chuckling when he adds a tiny penis to the little guy.

"I love you too" you murmur, nose grazing his back to bath in his smell.

He hums.

"We will eat dinner pretty early, I hope you're hungry" he says, looking at his watch. "I want to enjoy some time with my girl after."

You smile, getting on your tiptoes to kiss the uncovered skin of his neck above the collar of his flannel. He wants a lazy evening, making love like you do, or maybe try a kinky thing ; what is sure is you will gladly give him what he wants.

           Time goes by sweetly as you watch this deadly warrior check the turkey while his equally legendary warrior brother prepares another round of eggnog for the three of you. They move around like busy bees in the room and it's a perfect show.

           You sit on the counter, talking about silly things, sometimes doing something to help, when your boyfriend lets you. You keep sipping from the sugary drink, and watching the beauty of Dean just be before your eyes. Unaware of how perfect he is in his every moves, he just works with his strong arms and skilled hands.

           Your eyes linger a little along his thick thighs, and you bend your head to the side to enjoy the exquisite sight of the sensual curve of his butt.

"I saw that, you just checked me out" he says in a smile without even turning around.

"And ?" you let out in a chuckle. "What are you going to do about that ?"

At your surprise, he starts to rock his hips from right to left slowly in clumsy funny moves of his butt, like he wanted to sexy dance for you without stopping what he is doing, earning an eye roll from his brother when his hip hits him on his way.

           Christmas is already perfect.

           The table is beautiful. Different courses in pretty plates you didn't know the guys had filling it like you have only seen in the movies. There is way too much food for three people but you are so happy that your beloved Winchester can eat like they want for Christmas eve.

           Everything is pretty, the giant messy tree has real bright decorations on it and there are even a few presents at its feet, wrapped messily in colorful papers.

           But their most impressive work is the light in the room, changing the place completely. Almost none of the artificial lights of the bunker is on, and a subdued ambiance with fairy lights and candles make it look even more magical than it usually is.

"When did you find the time to do all that ?" you smile with unintended wetness in your enthralled eyes. "It looks... enchanted in here."

"You stayed in bed until noon" Dean says in a light chuckle, pulling a chair for you and putting a kiss on your cheek. "Merry Christmas baby."

"It's perfect, Deanie" you turn your head so his next kiss lands on the corner of your mouth. "Merry Christmas guys."

Sam sits, rubbing his hands at the sight of the turkey, and starts reminding his brother of an old memory of a past Christmas you listen with all your focus. Everything that can make you know more about their life always catches your full attention. You are, after all, their biggest fan.

           The story is about a Christmas when Dean was a teen. He had spent the night between 23th and 24th December with a girl and was really late to come back to the motel. Sam thought maybe he wouldn't be back for diner, he had already taken the cereals out of the closet when Dean showed up carrying the whole cooked Turkey he had stolen from the girl's parents.

           You look at your boyfriend with all the love in the world and bend to give him a kiss on the forearm while he cuts a piece of this not stolen meat for you.

"Her parents were dicks, and I couldn't let you starve, dad would have killed me" Dean chuckles, filling your plate.

           But you know the story must be really different from just that, Dean never brags about how great he was with Sam.

           You let out a little moan, tasting the food and Dean’s face is lit by a wide proud grin.

“It’s good ?” he asks before he even tastes, an excited hope in his eyes.

“Delischious” you answer with your mouth full, a hand before it.

           And indeed, everything is perfect. Dean, as much as Sam can playfully denies it, is a great cook. He has no technique, no cooking education, but what he has is a real love for food and comfort, a great experience on mixing things and tasting that gives him a perfect intuition. And, above all, the strong selfless will of saying "I love you" with food like some people have.

           Sitting on the floor next to the tree, you hold against you the red flannel Dean finally agreed to give you, and the books Sam bought for you. Your head is leaning lovingly on your lover's shoulder while he looks, exited, at the vinyl records he got, humming his favorite songs.

           You crawl between his thighs and rest your back on his chest, your head back, temple grazing his scruff.

"Best Christmas ever" you smile, feeling his lips graze your cheek. "So what is the program of a Winchester Christmas after that ?"

You close your eyelid and take a deep breath of Dean's scent, expecting a sexy proposition.

"We're going somewhere" he smiles, and, when you open your eyes, you see Sam put on his coat.

"Now ?" you frown, a little confused. "Where ?"

Dean gets up, putting you on your feet with his strong arm, and takes his coat and yours from Sam's hands.

"I'm not telling you. Take your jacket and get in the car."

           He is silent on the road despite all your questions.

           You listen to the car's purring and look outside to try to guess where they are taking you. The white snow covers the sides of the road with a very thin and delicate layer, the headlights are hit with little swirling snowflakes, and no clue betrays their surprise.

           Sam is smiling, looking out the window. You know they have been planning something, and you know you will love it. Maybe they will show you a place they used to go when they were kids, maybe take you to a special place where you can see the stars so clearly, like this time last summer.

"Come on Dean" you say, kneeling on Baby's back seat to wrap your arms around him from behind, going down a little to feel his firm chest though his shirt under your palms. "Tell me."

"You can't wait just five minutes" he tries to grunt, but it sounds more like a chuckle.

           You fall silent, not letting go of him, holding him like the precious treasure he is, occasionally smelling his hair, kissing his shoulder and tracing the contours of his ear. You just can't stop touching him, and since that talk you had after sex once, you know how much he loves it.

"Aw" Sam mocks you like he often does. "You two are so cute."

"Fuck yeah we are" Dean groans, turning right to a one way road.

"You know Christmas is already perfect" you smile. "You don't have to surprise me again."

"Yeah, I know" he says, parking in front of a bar. "But, it's not only Christmas today."

           You look around, confused. The guys open the door, letting the freezing cold enter the Impala, and get out in a perfect sync. You follow them, lifting your eyes to the colorful neon lights reflecting in the snowy night. Around on the parking lot, more cars than you would have expected are parked, and you wonder who would spend Christmas eve in a bar like this one.

           But before you can wonder why they would have taken you there, to this bar you never heard off, your boyfriend's hand wraps around your waist and he guides you inside, pushing the heavy doors.

           The first thing that hits you is the perfect warmth of the inside. The temperature is perfect but not only : the music is smooth like honey, it's this kind of blues that is paradoxically happy and comforting, it smells like wood and whiskey ; and above all, here too, there is something about the light that feels like a hug.

           The second thing that hits you is the welcoming familiar face of Garth smiling to you.

"Garth ?" you frown and feel Dean's lips graze your ear. "Happy birthday Baby."

He lets go of you to walk to the people there at the bar, arms open to greet them, letting you stunned.

           You are recognizing all you friends there, still in their Christmas clothes, walking to you to hug you and bring you drinks and for a few seconds, your body just stays still.

           No one is missing, not one person. And, even if you don't have hundreds of friends since you joined the hunter life, you have never seen a room so full of love.

"Let me take your coat" Jody says, seeing you froze to the spot.

"I... You're here for me ? Th-they planned all that ?" you stammer with some watery emotions filling your eyes.

"Dean did" Jody smiles. "We followed."

             You're sipping from that delicious drink the bartender made according to your tastes, unable to take that smile off of your face. Donna, a little tipsy in her pretty outfit, is telling sexy jokes with a full dimpled smile, making Sam chuckle and Charlie high-five her, spilling a little of her drink on you.

           From the corner of your eye, you look at him.

           He is bending on the pool table with a smirk, his beer next to him. From here, you can't hear what he is saying to the other players, but it seems a little cocky. After only a few seconds staring at him, it's like he felt it and he looks up, giving you the cutest wink.

           And you blush. Because even after all you have lived together, even after the kinky experiences, the intimate moments, after seeing him cry, yell, suffer or come... A wink is still enough to turn you to a blushing mess.

           All evening, he has been keeping his distance just a little. Not avoiding you at all but not clinging to you, to let you enjoy your friends, to let you have the full experience of a birthday party like you dreamed of since you were a teen.

           A birthday with loud silly discussions, a lot of drinks, inventing silly tipsy games with your best friends, trading your clothes in the bathroom, catching up as much as dancing with each other... And you never felt loved that much.

           Dean's love is the sun in the middle of your world, but now you can also see the stars, and it is probably the best night of your life so far.

           He managed to do something you never could for years and all your friends agreed with his crazy plan. They all had an early Christmas diner to be able to drive here, offer you too many drinks and be there for you. They all made it about you and you're both incredibly grateful and emotional. And since most of them will come sleep at the bunker -and eat all the leftovers with you tomorrow- you don't have to care about the time.

           Suddenly, a music note catches your ear.

           You know that note by heart. It is the first note of your favorite love song, it is the firsts notes of what Dean hums in your ear sometimes when he holds you after making love to you, pushing your hair on the side to see your sweaty bliss face.

           You turn you head and meet green eyes, closer than you expected.

"Hey" he says, taking your hand.

"Hey" you smile.

He tugs gently at your arm, pulling you away from the bar to wrap his arms around your waist.

           You have missed him. Of course he was here, but after everything he has done for you, you really have missed holding him, smelling his skin and kissing his lips.

           He starts to sway his hips really slightly, humming the love words of the song, and you throw your arms around his neck, looking up at his perfect face.

"She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes..." he whispers the lyrics, fingers grazing the skin of your neck.

And for the hundredth time today, your eyes fill with happy tears while his fingertips go down on your back to hold your waist again.

"Are you having fun ?" he asks low, one hand stroking your lower back tenderly, thumb pushing your shirt up discreetly to feel your skin.

"It's the best night of my life" you give him your most sincere smile. "Dean... You are really incredible, you know that ?"

"Yeah" he nods, hiding his shyness in a kiss on your lips.

"I really was ready to chose Christmas, you know ?" you state, swaying your hips slowly with him, forgetting the rest of the world in your bubble of love.

His plumb lips gently raise on the corner, and he lets go of you to search his pocket.

"I didn't have to choose between hunter life and happy life thanks to you, so I'll make sure you never have to choose between your birthday and Christmas" he murmurs in your ear, before kissing your temple.

His hand reach yours and he opens it to put a little thing on your palm.

"What do you say we had yet another thing to celebrate on that day ?" his breath tickles  your neck and you look down to your hand, discovering a little golden ring with a tiny blue stone in the middle of your shaking palm.

"Dean ?"

"Marry me Baby ?"

FEEDBACK IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME

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