#saw T for the first time since the convo and we talked a lot more

[eversncenewyork]

oh you guys 🥰🫠 i need a combination of these emojis

[metoidionasty]

Hey buddy. You look the same in both pics, BUT you shouldn't want to look different anyway. It's a good thing you weren't altered too severely, honestly. I'm sorry the pharmaceutical/biomedical industry was able to penetrate your psyche so deeply that you started to believe you needed to change yourself. It really is a tragedy that you couldn't see the perfection in yourself that was there all along (regardless of gender). Blinded and brainwashed, and then physically altered by a system that wants you dead... I'm truly sorry this happened to you and so many others.

Hi so I wasn’t going to answer this. I get asks like this on anon a lot and it’s best to just delete and ignore. But since this is my one year on t I’m going make an acception this once and talk about my transness

First thing I will address is that, yes! My face has not changed much yet. One year on hrt isn’t much time for any real big faces changes. But in terms of other parts of my body I have had major changes, lots of body hair, 2.5 inches of bottom growth, loss of breast tissue, and lots of emotional changes as well.

Next thing I’ll get into is my personal story. Not to be the stereotypical ‘I always knew’. But I did always feel an out of place feeling I struggle to explain to others. This will be an extreme over simplification of my story but here we go. This feeling was always placated by expressing myself as male. When I was in grade school I’d wear boys underwear and clothes only, and would often stuff the crotch with my socks. Entering middle school I’d have days where I would duct tape my chest, go to school and tell everyone ‘I’m a boy today.’ And this was all before I knew what being trans was.

When I was around 13/14 I started to learn about being trans and spent a little time toying with possible ways to explain how I felt. Until I came to realize I was trans. I came out to everyone, switched schools so no one would know my birth name, and just completely socially transitioned. Unfortunately when I was 16/17 I went through very bad trauma and mental health issues, so due to many reasons I don’t feel comfortable getting into I decided to detransition. It was a totally humiliating process and sent me into the deepest depression of my life.

I spent the next 3.5 years trying to make up for lost time learning how adult women should act. I over compensated and over feminized and made myself miserable constantly. I was in the hospital for suicide attempts 2-4 times a year. It was such a deep dark time for me. As time passed and I allowed myself to start getting better and process everything, I realized I am still trans and always was. I ended my relationship I had been in for 2.5 years and moved across the country so I could start my hormones and be the person in my soul I always saw myself as.

And now in this last year I have BLOSSOMED!!! I have found my love for life, God, and myself again. I love my body more than I ever have, every time I see a new change closer to my goal it’s like a total head high. It’s like in finally allowing myself to do this and be myself, I’ve been totally set free.

I know this is super long winded and rambly. I just never plan on explaining any of this in detail on here again so I’m getting it all down. But basically, I’ve known I’ve been trans for almost 10 years, I’ve been to gender specific therapy on top dbt, cbt, and trauma processing. This wasn’t some crazy rush choice I made cos of a discord convo, this was me finally getting to do what everyone tried to stop me from my whole life. There’s no secret pharmaceutical man pushing hormones on me, I was self medicating my t for my first 5 months. There’s no groomer lurking behind me, I’m a grown man who can make his own choices.

[thrashmaiden]

Evilutione5150

@evilutione5150   

Writing this here seems like a better idea then hammering it out in my physical journal since this is where our friendship began.

Preparing to age myself heavily as I pour my thoughts out into the tumblr void. Thinking about how online culture helped shape me, helped me find friends and connect with the various fringe subcultures littered around the country. What started as a way to pass time in a telco job with unlimited access to the net and a barely basic understanding I started this Tumblr roughly 12 years ago and Acky aka @evilutione5150 was one of my first friends. 

He joked with me about music, art, 80s t.v or movies and never missed a pun or 10 deep simpsons quote. He was kind and abrupt and not once did he slide into my DMS looking for an ass pic. 

For a girl on tumblr into heavy metal facing the brunt of aggression from men for ‘doing it for attention’ combined with the misstep of using the hashtag #metalchick to try and find other girls into metal and finding only hate, he was a breath of fresh air. No hate, no pick up lines or sleeze. We just chatted like we were stood next to each other at a show. 

The first time he posted about one of my fave local and best mates band I instantly reblogged it, excited, they were going to absolutely kill it and they were making people happy and here was the proof, in Ackys words, they did it! He enthusiastically chatted with me about them and would tell me about their shows from across the country. 

He was not shy with coming forward about what he did and did not like but more then anything he was inclusive and passionate. Seems like everyone is striving to be exclusive these days, which is wonderful, but he didnt need to learn that, or be shown, he didnt need to be shamed or bullied into it, it was just a small part of the foundation of Acky. 

His passion saw him front of the gig, supporting the scene with promos, podcasts, designing shirts and sharing information on pretty much every platform, and for free. 

He did so much, just this one guy and now he is just gone?

His shirt designs are still in my top 3 rotations and I have taken my ‘ big sunglasses, very important’  shirt on every trip I have been on and it has been the best conversational piece. His humor translated well through his art and shirt designs. The dry blunt Aussie humor mixed with heavy metal references have lead to me meeting so many new people and each time I would let him know....dude....people LOVE your shirts! 

so whats a t shirt? whats the big deal and how does this make him inclusive?

Ackys humor made me feel seen and made me feel like I had somewhere when for most of my life I have been a nomad. He created a way for people to talk to me, to point at my shirt, laugh and strike a convo and some of those interactions have turned into life long friendships. 

I'm sure now there are plenty of fifth element or robocop album cover mash ups but at the time he was doing something really cool for so many people involved in fandoms that spanned so far. I chat to so many people about wrestling, or troma films or sci-fi and retro gaming because of Acky. His humour just translated well enough and was not at the expense of others (unless you were a politician) nor was it just a cash grab because pizza+ninja turtles+slayer=profit. He just threw his passions and artistry together and ran with whatever came out which in turn created a wicked community around him. 

We initially bonded over BLS, we had the same necklace charm with the logo on a dinky ball chain straight from the 2010s and would discuss at length what shows we would go to, albums we liked, new projects Zakk worked on and he would share his own musical talent which he had a lot of. He spoke kindly of his son and quite frequently would sacrifice his time or skip shows he had been talking about and dreaming about to spend time with him and not once did he complain about the trade off. 

I truly think that over the years he has been my biggest supporter in whatever I do. My strongest confident and kindest advocate. We shared our rough times and he would recommend songs or thow me a meme to let me know he understood. 

Now as his name slips down my message inbox, and as I post, his notification isn't the first to pop up anymore I feel a new kind of lonely. 

Its a kind of lonely I haven't felt since we met from a feeling that goes deeper then a romance or a family bond. He made a community and he let me in.

I hope I made him feel less lonely and I hope I could be there for him the way he was for me. I hope he knew he was loved and that his art and the community he built will live on in some way. I hope his spot at shows is filled and someone else is there to reach out to let others know they have somewhere to belong, if not in person then just online.

He went through a lifetime of pain and discomfort so the idea he is relaxing with his guitar, or cracking his fingers to write out another review or chuckling to himself as he edits his face into another metallica meme is a nice one. 

But most of all I hope he found some happiness or comfort in the really wonderful way he impacted those that had the pleasure to know him.

As time unravels and my tears settle, I will have more to say and share but for now Im posting this knowing he wont ever see it, when after so many years on here, he was one of the only people I kept this blog alive for, for so long. 

[soliloquyepistolary]

What’s going on behind the scenes?

In the dream, I was having a full on TG convo with Clea. It was a back and forth messaging as if it was happening in real life, it was going on for awhile. She sent me a lollipop which appeared in my hand and I was sucking on it, really happy. We were just chatting about how we felt about things, I think I was the one that reached out first. I said I don’t think the recall is happening anymore and as I said if felt quite resolute about it like well this is the information I’m getting but I was soft launching it on her. I don’t think she was on board with it just yet, in fact I don't know that she read what I said or acknowledged it at all. She was talking about something she was struggling with, it felt like I was the one consoling her and being patient. Like I was the one 'waiting' on her this time round. She was the one that was unsure, and I am sure about things. She was showing me pictures she taken on earth of nature and one of them was of a green spindly looking bush that I seemed to recognise. It was a weird image though almost like a reverse image, the foliage was blending into the atmosphere. I could feel her energy during our conversation.

I had to get go work in the morning and MN had forgotten on his key or lost it somehow. We were both starting at 9 but usually he opens and so at the last minute, I had to. I wasn’t freaking out though, like I was getting ready at a rapid pace but it was fine I knew I’d get there in time. In fact as I was walking to walk, I saw Antoinette in her truck driving to work so I just hoped in. We were only a few minutes away and I messaged MN saying as much. Then when I showed up, he was already there standing out the front and maybe had gotten there just as I had. I think he’d managed to get it open himself like he ended up getting his key somehow and I could see someone was with him like probably another coworker who had helped him out much like how Antoinette had helped me. I never needed to rush so hard I knew it was going to work out and there was nothing to freak out over either way. I thought it was up to me but actually we’re all working together to open the door lol

This feeling like I'm the teacher, I'm the one teaching the course now, there was a sense of anticipation but I have it under control

My mum was making me mi goreng but then she must have forgotten that the water was boiling because I didn’t end up getting it until ages later like an hour later. She was in my room trying to feed it to me too but I stopped her since I can eat it without help

I was with AJ and some other guy with blonde hair and I was cuddling up to AJ like holding his arm and getting his hand and saying omg your hand is so cute but he’s an NPC now, he felt floppy like a doll, and submissive and there wasn’t really any energy coming from him. I made him and the other guy kiss and here was a lot of chemistry, it was very passionate and convincing little kisses I knew I was creating it. Then we were hanging out in a house and then some people came to shoot at us I think they were zombies or something. We were in high school uniforms and then the two of them protected me they ran out to the front of the house, had guns and were shooting. I was creeping around the house trying to find my way out without making a sound but I needed my shoes before I wanted to make my escape. I could walk out right now but I needed to be comfortable with my shoes on I didn’t want to run away and damaging my feet, getting cuts. I saw AJ had successfully killed them or chased them off and he walked past me giving me this bemused look like what are you doing just leave. I went to the back to get my shoes and leave again but I had this feeling there might be one more zombie lurking about.

I was at work and I didn’t know how to counsel on a new medicine that looked like a black crayon in a box. It was a young female customer so I stalled and went to go print out the cmi and learn about t the medicine like I usually do when I don't know what it is. But I just couldn’t really comprehend it at all, I kept flipping through the pages trying to find the important part which is how to actually use it but I can't find it. I think it’s for cancer or something and you draw it out on your arm to take the dose. I got AL to help me, she managed to get the proper cmi out I had some other info that wasn’t a cmi it was official product info but different somehow, like a knock off and she ended up handling the situation for me. I asked her to help me since I didn’t know what to say. She had that standoffish energy about her but I was glad she helped, I knew I created this.

[aezyrraeshh]

15-20 for sasha/candy pretty please :D

15. How adventurous are they?

i'd say they are pretty adventurous in the relationship since the kind of relationship they are in is so new for both of them. they experiment with what they like and don't like silently (even if maybe they should talk about this first, but the communication is not their strong suit), simply watching the other's reaction and if it's okay or not.

if we are talking going on some sort of adventures together, then i'd say yeah, somewhat. their whole plan is an adventure on its own, they regularly drive around the city together or sit on the roofs somewhere really high up. other than that they keep the relationship quiet, just enjoying each other and each other's company.

they are adventurous in, um, other things in their relationship, however. if you get what i mean.

16. Do they keep secrets? Lie? Cheat?

oof. it depends.

in the beginning of the relationship, when it was just fwb they didn't really trust each other much, so there were a lot of lies and untold truths from both sides and they knew it, and both of them didn't care much.

when they got into a romantic relationship prior to the confrontaion about sasha's betrayal, there was this huge lie hanging over them. they opened up more at this point, testing the waters of what they can and can't tell, eventually ending up telling things they didn't tell anyone before or were scared to do so earlier; it was scary for both of them, that realisation, that comfort. neither of them trust comfort for they see it as a golden cage that will eventually close and they'll be left inside at the mercy of another.

but the comfort wasn't a cage, it was a bear trap, and it snapped finally, when candy confronted sasha about what they figured out. at this point, sasha felt guilty, which was unfamiliar for the guilt is usually the feeling he drives away quickly with the mindset he does what he has to, but each time he saw how candy learns to trust him and open up (which is hard for him and even harder for them), he felt even more and more guilty. he didn't regret what he did, he regreted keeping it a secret for so long, because at this point he wanted them to trust him and be a part of his world.

so the Rooftop Convo happened, and the trust is broken completely. candy goes away, them comes back, because they are still in the trap of comfort and they still care for him, and they can understand why he did what he did, because he did it out of a desire to survive and candy can respect that and they can eventually forgive.

after that, the trust is slowly rebuild, and it gets stronger as ever to the point where both of them become a person they trust the most to each other, and the trap becomes an embrace of a loved and cherished one.

it's still hard for both of them to be completely honest, as time and time again they prove to each other that they won't use that trust again, it becomes easier.

i went off again :/

17. What would make them break up? Would it be permanent?

for candy it would be another betrayal; if they learn once again that he used them, they will not only break up, they would probably want to rip his throat out. which.. would be considered a permanent break up, i think.

now, for sasha it would be candy's ties to the camarilla. candy uses them for both of their advantage, but if sasha were to learn that all of this time they were spying on him, and working for the camarilla in secret, that would be a deal off. idk if he would kill them or even want to do it, but it would be permanent, yes.

also, cheating could make both of them break up.

but since both of them are, ahem, obsessed with each other, neither of them would do the things above, so you can be sure that evil little guys will stay together for the rest of their long, long existence <3

18. What are their dates like? How long do/did they date? Do they ever feel the need to take a break from each other?

What are their dates like?

rides in candy's car is the most popular date they go on. candy is a good driver so the ride is smooth and pleasant, and it gives them a chance to be together, just the two of them and no one else, to talk about whatever they want or to be silent and holding hands on the center console (because sasha is touchy and candy certainly doesn't complain).

the other thing they do is sit on the hospital roof. this is always the unplanned date, they just.. drift there. they also like to watch movies in his appartment and laugh and tell jokes and make out and simply be comfortable.

so as you can guess, their dates are pretty chill most of the time. but they also like to do more loud and out and about things. both of them LOOVE clubbing, and they often do so, dancing together, feeling the other near. sasha also likes to take candy out, but they are not good in being in expensive restaurants, so they sometimes go to a ferris wheel or to some bars.

How long do/did they date?

as for how long they've been dating, ummm.. i'm still reworking the timeline (so don't look at it, it's all wrong now) and the numbers are rough. but counting fwb they've been together for about six years, without the fwb five (excluding the year apart).

Do they ever feel the need to take a break from each other?

not really, as i said they are obsessed with each other and with how they make each other feel, so i'd say they are too attached and in tune with each other to do that.

they did take a break, if you can call it that, after the confronation though. but the circumstances were unique.

19. What do they fight about? What are their arguments like? How do they make up?

What do they fight about?

they don't really fight much, but they do bicker when their personalities clash (ex. how to do certain things, when candy is being too stubborn, when sasha doesn't want to do housework), which resolves pretty quickly.

fight happen for two different reasons- candy's anger issues and sasha's being vague again. candy is bad at controlling their anger, and they don't want to take it out on him, but it still happens. sasha also tries to be more honest, but telling half-truths is a big defence mechanism of his.

candy snaps easily because they always expect an attack from everyone, and sasha is used to people using his emotions and words against him. when they first fought, they expected the other to weaponize their reaction and use the moment of weakness, because that's what they had to endure time and time again, but hurting each other is the last thing either of them want, and once they see that, they do become better (only when it comes to each other lmao).

What are their arguments like?

quiet. not that they talk like sensible people, but they are quiet, in a "quiet before the storm" way. with both of them being too stubborn to see each other's point at the heat of the moment.

How do they make up?

after the fight happens, both of them want to be alone for a while. after they've had some time to mull over things, they would gravitate towards each other silently. like one of them would come out to the living room, seeing another sitting on the couch and they would approach it and sit near them, eventually ending up with their hands around each other.

apology is still hard for both of them, but they know they are sorry by the look in each other's eyes.

20. What does their home look like? Their room?

they live in sasha's appartment, and it's big with lots of things around, because he is a hoarder. it's nice, spacious, and soon candy's things join his.

he bought lots of cushions for the couch, because candy likes them and candy lets him take their shampoo, because he says it smells better than his. both of them try to make it their home in all the different ways, and it worked for them for both of them love to spend time there (which is surprising because candy doesn't usually like to spend time in one place, and sasha has never used his appartment for anything other than a place to sleep). candy still gets itchy after staying in one place for long, and sasha is still a workaholic, but they know have a place to come back to!

their room is nice-- there is a big bed, which is enough for three people, but they still end up with sasha clinging onto candy in his sleep, there's also a shared closet with the clothes inside all mixed, because at this point they share them. there are nightstands on the both sides of the bed, with sasha's being full of different things and candy's almost empty save for the charger for their phone and some spare maps.

there are also vases of flowers in the apartment and the bedroom, which candy gifted him, because it makes him happy (despite what they say, candy can be romantic. don't belive them when they say otherwise).

[nightferns]

How c!Ranboo's attitude towards c!Wilbur lines up with everything he's been told | a quote list

All /rp of course

So on Tubbo's last lore stream (my new purpose) Ranboo said this:

"-thats why im here so when he does something that does redeem himself then someone can be there that will be able to see it and everything, and honestly i'd rather have it be me the person, rather have the person that be there be me instead of maybe someone else[...]"

And then this, when asked why he didn't tell Wilbur about marriage:

"[...]From what i've heard from Tommy and everything the Wilbur that 13 years ago- at least might've- he used stuff against Tommy and everything so just in case- "

And it made me wonder what exactly lead him to that opinion so i spent a day ghathering quotes in which Ranboo heard/or was told something about Wilbur, before the revival. Its a bit of a long one so strap in.

Convos about Alivebur that Ranboo either listened to or was a part of, pre-meeting him.

Vod: Tubbo and Tommyinnit Start To Break Apart…

TommyVods

Tommy [talking about Techno]: -Wilbur died in action, so he doesn't- so he didn't live long enough to face the consequences, but that guy he is a fucking bitch.

Ranboo: So he was fighting with you and then he decided to go against you.

Tommy: yeah. He decided that the last minute "Hey! Hey what im gonna do is fuck everyone over."

Ranboo: Oh… so he was sort of a vigilante of sorts? His own-

 [...]

Tommy: sit down [on the bench]…  fuck. I just want back the discs, that's all- thats all I've wanted everytime im sat on this bench, that's all we've wanted.

Ranboo: Yeah, I can tell... You seem pretty adamant about those.

Tommy: Yeah! It's because-! Literally bro- since the- four months! [...] four months ago is when I first started trying to get these discs! And it was just me, Tubbo- there was no Technoblade on this server! There were like 6 people- and it was just me and tub- there was no nation there was no- it's always been about getting back the shit dream stole from this very chest!

So now Tubbo's gotten this position of power and is doing it- it's dis- it's disappointing.

B-but thank you, for sticking up for me, no one did that, you saw big Q fucking turning on me- you saw Fundy- they're-  they're just sheep bro, they're just sheep. Thank you

Ranboo: Well, you stuck up for me when you could've easily pinned it on me. You could've just said "oh, he was the one that did it", because- i mean, my name was being said in there too, but then you just decided to take all of it and now we're in this situation.

So I couldn't just let that happen, I couldn't stand by, have Tubbo call you selfish when you did something- the opposite.

Tommy: Thank you-

If they evict me through- that is it he-

Ranboo: yeah.

Tommy: -dude, you know i'm worried- i- i don't want to, i know there's that one line that we- that rings through my head as i sleep l of Wilbur going "Tommy, let's be the bad guys." But I wanna- i don't wanna be the bad guys. I just want-

Ranboo: I don't think that's- that's not a good thing to do.

Tommy: The reason- do I say this now? Yeah-  The reason I didn't make Tubbo the leader, when I had- and I could've chose anyone, and I chose Wilbur, the man who was already half-insane but I knew he was coming back around, and I didn't choose Tubbo.

Is because i knew that if tubbo was the president,

it would pull us apart Ranboo, and look at him he's picking his nation over me. And i- and if he does on Friday I don't know what I'm gonna do with myself.

Ranboo: No matter what happens on friday i'll help you. I'll-I'll figure it out- I'll try to talk to Tubbo, i'll try to see if something better can happen.

.

Vod: *Archive* Mar 6, 2021

Philza

Phil: [places down a picture of Wilbur] my son.

Ranboo: Oh. There he is.

Phil: I wanna put his picture in the-in the meeting room, cruz i want to be reminded, i miss him, it's lik- he's been gone a long time.

Ranboo: He has. He really has. He's been gone, before I even came here.

Phil: He did some dumb shit y'know. And my hand was forced, in a sense, but I miss him everyday, I do miss him.

Ranboo: Oh, yeah i heard about that

Phil: I do wish he'd come back.

Ranboo: Yeah, Well… well I mean, wasn't he a ghost for a little bit?

Phil: Yeah, but that wasn't really him-

Ranboo: Oh.

Phil: That was- That was like the pure kind of innocent version of him if that was to exist I think, he was very kind of uhm- it was just not him though, it was just not him. So it was kind of like talking to a doll of like- someone.

Ranboo: I mean- I mean it's the most you're able to get at least. Like-

Phil: Yeah…

[...]

Phil: -sad, miss child, miss, maybe i shouldn't have stabbed him but you know.

Ranboo: Yeah, well i mean- yeah.

Phil: I Bet if- i bet if- if i was to talk to him again he' would- he would probably forgive me, he- he definitely was at the end of his rope and i dunno maybe he'd think of it differently.

Ranboo: I mean, it was his wishes, I mean he wouldn't- it was his wishes, it wasn't- like- he wouldn't- he wouldn't not forgive you for following what he asked you to do.

Phil: Yeah. I dunno.

Ranboo: But- one day hopefully-

Phil: Can't help but think if i did the right thing or not sometimes.

Ranboo: I mean, when you think about what he would have done if you hadn't, you know?

Phil: Yeah, he was out of control.

Ranboo: Like if you- if you hadn't like- would anything- would anything have changed?

Phil: I dunno, I kinda showed up at the most chaotic time possible and yeah it was just- didn't really have a lot of time to process things. It was like "Hey I should probably stop him from blowing up this place" that I had no real knowledge of other than that he helped build it. That's all I heard. I got- i got like letters from him just like telling me what he'd been up to and stuff, and that he was having fun with this friends and then the letters stopped, and i got worried so i started to like- 

Ranboo: mhm.

Phil: -make my way over to this area.

Ranboo: Yeah.

Phil: And I was right to worry, apparently.

Ranboo: I mean, I don't know, I think- I mean, I think there's really- there's really nothing you can do about it now, you know? There's- it's really like- you can- you can try and get closure but I mean, the ghost- Ghostbur is missing in action and he has been for a little while, and...

Phil: Yeah, whenever I talked to Ghostbur I didn't really feel like I was talking to him though, like it wasnt really- It was him but it wasn't him, like-

Ranboo: Yeah.

Phil: It's hard to explain.

Ranboo, I mean you just- i- i think you did the right thing even though its not- it wasn't the optimal thing, you know? I mean, was it the best solution? Probably not, but it was still a solution so.. I'd say you still did a good thing even though in your eyes it's probably not good, but what else were you gonna- what else were we gonna do?

Phil: Yeah, true.

Ranboo: yeah.

.

Vod: Tommy's Plan to Kill Dream

TommyVods

Tommy: Tubbo, I died. I spoke to Schlatt, I spoke to Wilbur, Wilbur Soot, alright?

Tubbo: Has Schlatt changed his ways? Or is he still smoking and drinking-

Tommy: Tubbo, they've been in there for so long, and so many years, alright?

Tubbo: Years? They've only died months ago-

Tommy: Tubbo, I was in that prison for about… month and five days, alright. Time in death though? I was here for months and months and months! Time's different when you d- Don't tell anyone this- Time's different when you die.

Tubbo: So you're older, now curz-

Tommy: I don't, I don't know! [...]

.

Tommy: -But Listen to me! I've seen everything! I know so much more than you now, I've been with the dead and I know so much more! So much more I'm not willing to explain. But listen to me we need to kill him, before it's too late-

[...]

.

Tubbo: Why is it different now? Why are we killing him- why didn't we just kill him to begin with, when we had the chance? Why did you put it off?

Tommy: Because Tubbo i thought he would use the revive book for go- ok, this is what he said to me he said he will only use the revivebook to revive Wilbur, and he said that that when he gets out out of the he's gonna hurt, not just you, but everyone i care for, he's gonna hurt everyone. So please we need to kill him.

[...]

Tubbo: So why don't you want him to bring Wilbur back now? What suddenly changed? 

Tommy: I've spent months in the death area- well- let's call it the death zone, with Wilbur, right.

Tubbo: the death zone? Like limbo-

Tommy: I've spent months there, I've spent months and months and months there and I was only there for a few days, Wilbur's been there for real months, he is so different and he is powerful and you know how he molds me like a piece of clay Tubbo. I don't want him to come back, we can't let him come back, and Dream said to me that he'll revive Wilbur.[...]

.

Tommy: No, i spoke to you, not Ghostbur, i spoke to you

Ghostbur: But i am Ghostbur

Tommy: I spoke to Wilbur,

Ghostbur: You don't wanna talk to him.

Tommy: I know, I never wanna talk to him again.

Ghostbur: He's not very nice, he's not a nice guy.

Tommy: Acu- Ghostbur i've got a question for you, do you want him to come back?

Because i- i don't, i don't think i do ever ever.

Ghostbur: He's a- i- uhm.. t-the world needs- needs structure and order and he he's good at that, he did that but- i-

Tommy: No, the world needs less villains, and he was a villain if I've ever seen one.

Ghostbur: But a villain is just a- sometimes the line's a little blurry, you could say, a little blurry it's a tiny bit, it's like a villain- a villain is just a hero you haven't convinced yet.

Tubbo: I'm not sure I follow you.

Tommy: No, but he started as hero, he started as a hero and then he was the villain.

Ghostbur: Well-

Tommy: I don't think we should bring him back ever. 

Ghostbur: Oh…

Tommy: I think you should-  you like being a ghost don't you? Hey! Look bl- Red! You can stand on the red! [...]

.

Ghostbur: Yeah,i- i- i like it here but  we were talking about this and i thought we wanted to bring back Wilbur, because he understood-

Tommy: No-

Ghostbur: -because, because L'manburg got blown up-

Tommy: No! No no no no, We don't want to bring back Wilbur, i've spent months with Wilbur, wh-when you die times different Ghostbur, i know i can speak to you 'cause you don- you keep secrets, times different, alright? i've spent so long with Wilbur,

Ghostbur: How- how long?

Tommy: Months and months and months alright? And if i was here for months, he's been there for years, possibly decades, he can't come back.

This isnt a-

Ghostbur: How- how- so what's the corversion? What's the- how long-

 Tommy: What's the conversion rate?-

Ghostbur: yeah, what's the-

Tommy: -God, you sound like a fuckin' bitcoin miner.

Ghostbur: -If time's different in the- in the- in the dead land then what's the- what do you call it? Limbo- if time is different in limbo then what's- what's- what's the difference?

Tommy: I don't really know. But I was there, apparently, I was dead, according to the Dream but he does lie, I was dead for- for 3 days. And i was there for-

Ghostbur: And how long, how long was that in months?

Tommy: I don't know, i can- i can say  months and months, i- i'd- i'd say between three to seven?

Ghostbur: Okey.

Tommy: So the middle, four point five.

Ghostbur: -So Wilbur's been dead for ten to twelve years.

Tommy: And there's a lot to learn when you're dead, innit?

Ghostbur: What did you learn? I've just forgotten things.

Tommy: Oh I learned about bad shit.

Ghostbur: Yeah?

Tommy: Do you know what Wilbur did? He very slowly and excruciatingly, over an entire month, explained to me what hemorrhoids was and it hurt me so much.

And then he'd go on about all the books he has been reading. It was terrible, it was the wor-

Tubbo: Did you see each other? Or were you just-

Tommy: Oh, Don't make me talk about it! Don't make me talk about it! Oh, it was- it was the worst!

.

Ghostbur: Tommy why didn't you want Wilbur back?

Tommy: Well… I spent a long long time speaking to Wilbur in- when I was dead. And i- and when I wanted to bring him back I thought he- I thought there was still some brotherness there, I thought maybe he's still my pal. And I found out he's not- he's only grown worse.

Ghostbur: He spent a lot of time around a bad guy, he spent, like a decade you said, around- around Schlatt and Schlatt's the bad- Schlatt's the bad guy right?

Tommy: I don't think Schlatt's the only bad guy.

Ghostbur: He's a bad guy right? Him and Eret are the bad guys right? That's the- that's the-

Tubbo: Yes, more or less.

Ghostbur: That's what you told me.

Ranboo: And Dream of course.

Tommy: There's a lot more bad guys.

[...]

.

Vod: Ranboo prepares with tommyinnit to take down dream on the dream smp full stream (VOD)

Ranboo Vods

Ranboo: [About Dream] He's trapped in there and we thought he was powerless but even in there he still has power that's why we're killing him actually. Its because-

Ghostbur: What's the worst he could do with the power?

Ranboo: He could bring back the people that are- well, technically the villains in this story, and then get out. And then start to do what he did before he got into prison, just again, and probably worse honestly!

Ghostbur: He's gonna bring back Schlatt?

Ranboo: He can bring back anyone that's died.

[...]

Ghostbur: Also- um, so are we- are we not bringing back Wilbur anymore? Is that… off the table? 'Cause Phil and Technoblade and- and- and people are still keen- and Eret is keen to bring back Wilbur. And i- i'm- Ranboo i gotta tell you i'm really scared. I- i'm not scared of Wilbur i think.

Ranboo: Yeah.

Ghostbur: I'm scared of going back to.. nothing. I- I'll be gone again. I dont- I- i kinda like being here and i like all my friends and i don't...

Ranboo: Yeah. See it's different with me because I never knew Wilbur, i never met Wilbur. I've only met, well you… so...

Ghostbur: I- I think im pretty- I like to think im pretty neat.

Ranboo: Yeah i think you're pretty neat too. I don't- i don't think-

Ghostbur: Yus!

Ranboo: I mean, Honestly i'd- i never knew Wilbur, i never met him but I mean,  what i've been told, he seemed like he had good intentions and- and i mean, i think that's kinda what you are, you are his good intentions.

Ghostbur: In a pint sized glass.

Ranboo: yeah.

Ghostbur: in a little package, little package.

Ranboo: yeah!

Ghostbur: I've read his memoirs Ranboo, i've read- they are all gone now they were blown up when my library was destroyed, so many really important pieces of history were blown up when that library was destroyed.

Ranboo: Definitely yeah.

Ghostbur: But I have- i read his memoirs and he- he was- he was pretty ok! Most of the time, he seemed like he was- people liked him but then- then- then he lost this election and- and- and you know the story, everyone knows the story. 

Ranboo: yeah, yeah.

Ghostbur: But i just- i- from seeing how much everything went down and how Tubbo was- was really badly you know? Scared with- by- by- you know? the explosion and things which- thinking about it that's- maybe was Technoblade's fault and Phil's fault, but um, because of all this now more than ever it's really important that we have a leader and that's why i was on the side on bringing him back

and if- if things have changed, if you tell me i'll go along with whatever you say if- if you think Ghostbur sticks around, i'll stick around but if you think Wilbur- Wilbur sticks around i'll- i'll do whatever it takes to help you! I just- I just wanna help! I just wanna help Ranboo!

Ranboo: yeah, im-

Ghostbur: -And i can see it in you that you know what's best.

Ranboo: The thing is i- i really don't. i mean, Ha- Wilbur... he seemed good, when you read anyone's memoirs it helps them… kinda rationalize the way that they think so- i honestly don't know, because-

Ghostbur: History is written by the winners.

Ranboo: Yeah and he, he technically won, I mean he did what he wanted to.

Ghostbur: but then he lost and everyone hates him.

Ranboo: I don't- i don't think everyone hates him. I don't really hate him. I mean, it's like hearing about a historical figure. I mean he did good things yeah, but he also did bad things so. I- i'm indifferent as i am with a lot of things.

Ghostbur: I'm sure- i'm sure that you'll figure it out

[...]

.

Ranboo: I haven't even heard of Wilbur honestly, i- i've barely heard of Wilbur, i mean, Tubbo really has not told me much about Wilbur other than i mean, he's the one who blew up Manburg the first time. 

But i like Ghostbur i mean, i like- i like Ghostbur i'd say a lot more, because Ghostbur seems nice, i don't think that anything is going wrong right now, i mean if we- if we kill dream then… then uh- ' cause we don't need a leader. 

I really don't know... I really don't know, I don't think we need a leader, because if- if someone rules everyone then- i mean if the leader becomes corrupted, when the leader becomes corrupted then we see what happens. We- we see what happens when someone who leads becomes corrupted, heck i'm a part of an anarchist organization So… I really just don't know what to do.

Because I mean, Tommy doesn't want Wilbur back.

I don't think anyone wants Wilbur back, so why is it even a question?

All I do know is that we definitely have to kill Dream, right? We definitely have to kill Dream. I mean, we gotta- we gotta kill Dream.

I mean, i don't even know if anyone wants him back, i mean, the only person that i would think would be Phil, right? The only person that I'd think would be Phil, so… but Phil's ok now, he's doing alright, shure he's sad now, but I think he'll be good, yeah I think we'll be able to kill Dream and everything will be good!

I mean, if we kill Dream, Wilbur isn't coming back, we won't have to worry about much- we'll still have to worry about things but not on the scale Dream was doing right? Right? [...]

[...] So if everyone's ok without him, I mean, everyone's ok already… right? Everyone's- Everyone's good, I mean, I like Ghostbur, I think that Ghostbur is awesome. I don't know-[...]

.

Ranboo: Oh my goodness. Yeah see, i like Ghostbur a lot more, i like Ghostbur a lot more.

.

Vod: Wilbur's Revival Dream SMP

TommyVods

Tommy: No you don't understand, It's not that he's dead it's that Wilbur's back.

Tubbo: What?

Ranboo: What do you mean Wilbur's back? No, you mean Like- Wilbur? Like-

Tommy: Let's go-

Ranboo: "Press button and blow up" Wilbur, that one?

.

Tommy: No, no ok, listen to me, Did you think I liked Wilbur? Is that what you think this is about Ranboo? Why are you being so unempathetic?

Ranboo: I don't know what you mean! Like-

Tommy: Wilbur is back, Ranboo! Ghostbur is dead!

Ranboo: Yeah-

Tommy: No, no there's only one way to know.

Ranboo: What do you mean? Like- like THE Wilbur? The one that- like your friend?

Tommy: We are not fucking friends, Ranboo.

Ranboo: Wilbur wasn't-? I mean, I knew he did some bad stuff but I thought he was at least kind of your friend. 

Tommy: No, Wilbur was nothing.

Ever since i died Ranboo, we- i spent so long with Wilbur-

Ranboo: Yeah?

Tommy: -and i thought he changed, every time i thought he changed, but Ranboo he never changes, Wilbur never changes… and now he's back.

.

Ranboo: May- Maybe- Maybe he's different you know? I mean, he's been spending a lot of time in the afterlife-

Tubbo: Yeah, he's been dead for a while,

Ranboo: -he probably might be different, you know?

Tommy: He's not different Ranboo, i've been there Ranboo, and he's so much fucking worse. When we go up to him, you two just stand back-[...]

.

[dreamties]

Slashers W/ a Punk S/O

T/W- q*eer is used a few times- in a positive, self affirming kind of way. But I can add other trigger warnings if needed. :)

A/n- Literally no one asked for this, but I wanted to make more HCs like the soft pastel one...so I just went wild and made them. 

I included a little bit of punk culture into this as well, because it’s not just about the fashion, but since there’s such a vast variety within punk culture I mostly stuck with my experiences in the community, and some bits and pieces from documentaries(mostly live footage from “The Decline of Western Civilization”).

Characters: Billy/Stu, The Lost Boys, Norman Bates, Michael Myers

Will make one(s) for Brahms, Amanda, Helen or Daniel if asked

Billy Loomis + Stu Macher

so early 90s, the Riot Grrrl movement emerges

bands like Bikini Kill, Bratmobile, Heavens to Betsy or Sleater-Kinney

it’s a very female-powered oriented movement, but I notice that a lot of minorities tend to be drawn to this music and community (LGBT folks, people of color, etc).

both boys, and yourself, being outside of the norm and all (polyamorous relationship, gay/bi) are sort of drawn to it!

and sure there’s a lot of really great queercore/homocore bands, and there’s probably a good LGBT+ punk scene out there somewhere, but in a little town like Woodsboro? Hell no. Sticking with this fem punk movement, while again mostly a space for women in music- it’s the most accepted the three of you have felt outside of you’re relationship. 

you’ve always been pretty into the music, stuff like Dead Kennedys, Black Flag, or the short-lived Germs- but it wasn’t until you stumbled upon Riot Grrrl that you really got into it. 

the music, making zines about local-ish political issues(probably not so much Woodsboro stuff, more Cali in general and neighboring towns) and a few ones with queer themes and hand-drawn illustrations of your partners, and DIYing all your clothes

since you’re so experienced with DIYing your clothes and sewing on patches, you’ve helped repair the Ghostface costumes on numerous occasions. they kind of adore this(Stu is the only one that will- and does, frequently- admit that)

Let’s face it, the three of you do everything together- but you especially enjoy when Stu tags along for thrift dates. 

he’s the more fashionable one, and he makes the whole experience more enjoyable- cracking jokes and just being his all-around goofy self.

Woodsboro is a very little town, so they don’t have much...but they do have a few small stores- usually you’ll make a whole day/date out of it though. driving to the next town or so over, since they have more stores and a better selection, and spending hours looking for cheap, old t-shirts, belts, clothes with funky patterns. heading out for pizza after.

Billy’s more likely to get into the music and everything with you(he’s kinda,, angsty, no offense to him)- will definitely go to shows with you.

just- imagine Billy in ripped jeans. and he’d have like one or two patches sewn on to it- one of them is your all time favorite band, and the other is a band that he found on his own time, and actually really enjoyed.

Stu is dragged along with you guys, you can’t just leave him at home- he’s gonna feel left out and sad. :(

He’s mostly there to keep y’all company- he really likes the energy of the shows though!

the two of them are such a chaotic duo though, so much so that you have definitely been kicked out or banned from a few venues. all for varying reasons. good grief these men can not be tamed.

The Lost Boys

as we all know, these vampires are total punks. so they’re gonna appreciate having a s/o who’s also into that whole scene.

How you meet:

you’re a baby punk, and it’s your first show ever, and you look so nervous. you’re dressed up in pretty plain clothes, a single homemade patch for your favorite band barely hanging to your jacket side(you were mid-way sewing it, when you realized you were gonna be late if you didn’t leave asap).

it’s a few local bands, ones you’d never really heard of really. you look anxious. but when they start playing? you look so unapologetically yourself, you’re so in the moment dancing- it’s completely mesmerizing to the boys. the music isn’t even that good, but you seem to be having the time of your life.

they greet you after the show, and you’re a tiny bit flustered- cause gosh, heck, they saw you. dancing. so embarrassing. 

David is the one that introduces himself and the group, and initiates conversation. Dwayne’s a pretty quiet guy, so he just listens to what you have to say. 

Marko’s pretty excited about you, and initiates in some small conversation, he may have complimented your little patch(Marko- patch jacket KING, complimenting your jacket?? more likely than you’d think) 

and oh, oh- Paul is out there being a total chatty-cathy, and is absolutely bombarding you with questions. like, okay, Paul is pretty talkative, but the other vamps are a little worried that he’s scared you off. and you had seemed so cool :(

you end up pretty engaged in your convo with Paul though, even if all the attention is overwhelming. He ends up snagging a date for the five of you the following week.

once you start hanging out/dating:

y’all just hit it off so well those first few days. they all love how sweet & shy you are- but also how much of a badass punk babe you are.

Marko helps make your patch jacket(collecting ones for bands you enjoy, how to make your own, sewing them on, etc). you probably could have done it w/out his help, but my gosh- you weren’t going to pass up this opportunity. Marko gets really soft around you sometimes, since he doesn’t really do this activity with anyone else, it’s saved for you. 🥺🥺

Dwayne likes listening to you talking about the local scene(outside of the shows you go to- mostly about stuff he can’t attend, protests and meetings during the daylight.)

all of them(especially David) are very protective of you. I mean, generally. but also when you go to shows. they let you do whatever the heck you’re gonna do, but the mere second that someone even thinks about starting shit w/ you?? well, y’know. those vampire instincts kick in.

the four of them obviously share a lot of similar tastes in music- but they all have different favorite bands, & fave parts of the community. which, they can’t even fully participate in,, but it’s okay.

they, individually, introduce their favorite bands to you. and they get it in their head that oh, they said they liked it. they must like it as much as I do. and awkwardly coming out to the four of them, as they argue about your favorite band, “Well, actually- this *insert band they’ve never heard of or barely listen to* is my favorite.” and their just kinda like, oh, okay. please tell us more about them. 

so it’s sorta like,, you’ve been learning all this cool knowledge from them, now you get to share cool knowledge with them.

idk. I think it’s cute. 💕

Norman Bates

so first off- let’s just pretend Psycho was in at least the 70s/80s for a moment. because realistically- the punk subculture didn’t really exist back then.

baby boy is absolutely fascinated by the way you dress (mother is less thrilled though)

imagine your jacket is getting a bit weathered, and needs some repairs- so he helps you to sew edges closed, and make sure the patches aren’t on too loose, etc

he enjoys hearing your stories of all the past shows you’ve gone to. you always get so excited about them, and he finds that so endearing. But he pretty much leaves the actual punk scene to you because of these stories.

he was already worried from the stories, and made sure you were well prepared for any trouble every time you left for a show.

but one time, you were able to get him to join you. never again though. he was so nervous!

the music was too loud! and he could hardly understand what they were saying- it was so confusing!

you stayed with him most of the night, standing near the back, holding his hand. he’d gently bob his head to the music occasionally. 

but you accidentally found yourself swept into the crowd, but you looked so blissed-out in the moment, that he figured it would be okay for you to dance* over there for a little bit...right?  

*Norman is still unsure if you’d even call that dancing.

Thankfully, nothing bad happened in the mosh pit.

you gotta give him lots of attention and reassurance afterwards though- you almost scared Norman half to death D:

He’s happy enough helping you out and listening to you though- and that’s okay for you, too. you still love each other lots, even if this particular interest doesn’t overlap.

Michael Myers

he thinks you’re outfits are pretty interesting. 

he’s a little worried at first, when you start experimenting with putting things like safety pins in your ears. cause like- that’s not supposed to be in your ear, Y/n, what the fuck

if you make zines at all, Michael really enjoys watching you make the illustrations for them(not that he’ll admit to it though), and helps to find newspaper and magazine clippings to incorporate into the spreads.

you always show michael the final booklet before distributing it

he doesn’t talk a lot, so he doesn’t ask questions- but he often does the little head tilt once you give it to him. since he’s not very privy to current events, and a lot of your zines are political, you spend a lot of time explaining them in depth.

he has no use for any of this knowledge, but he listens on, intently.

Important note:

dear god do not bring this man to concerts and local shows with you.

it is a nightmare, to say the least

Michael is sort of,, emotionless sometimes, doesn’t really care for people at all, and if he does? definitely not in the same way most people do. 

so imagine combining that part of michael, the fact that he’s also a giant stabby man, with super loud, energetic- almost aggressive- sounding music and a bunch of strangers that aren’t respecting any personal boundaries. 

you need to keep him at the back of the venue- lest your local scene may go missing.

[satanpurrs]

hi, love!!! i cant get the idea of a reverse au out of my head, where the brothers are exchange students in the human realm, would you by any chance be willing to write that? if you’d like me to narrow it down, could you write for levi, mammon, and maybe satan? only if you’d like to, of course, and if you do choose to do it, please don’t feel pressured to rush or anything💓💓 i love your writing already and i cant wait to see more of it💕

Levi, Mammon, and Satan as transfer students in the human realm

How Levi, Mammon, and Satan are as students in the human world

( btw they’re high school students in this and the human students knowing they are demons or not is up to your imagination <3)

Word count: 747

A/N: Thank you for requesting~!!🥺 This honestly wasn’t supposed to take more than a week to write but I spent my time grinding on obey me for Satan’s beach card worth it 👁👄👁

Levi

‣ At first, he was like

“Pfft, as if I’ll be friends with those normies!”

‣ But on the first day of school, one of his classmates saw him reading a manga that caught their eye then decide to come over to talk to him, after that they instantly become friends because of shared interests

‣ You happened to be friends with that classmate, so you were introduced to Levi

“Hi, I’m Y/N, Nice to meet you Levi!”

“U-Uh Y-yea nice to m-meet you too.

‣ Levi was hella shy at first, stumbling on all his words not being able to complete his sentences since it’s his first time ever speaking to a human girl aka a cute normie. Well, other than having late-night convos with his Ruri-Chan body pillow every night before going to bed oh-la-la

‣ He’s antisocial and doesn’t like to stick out; he usually avoids being in those big talking circles with his friends

‣ During lunch, he and his friends, including you, would eat somewhere less crowded away from those stampeded areas. After you guys finish eating you would talk, mostly about anime/video games or play on your phones

‣ When doing group projects, he will cooperate with his partners, helping and giving ideas. Once everyone is working instead of chatting h will just quietly listen to music while doing his work

‣ You usually come over to Levi’s desk to talk with him when the classes you guys were in together hasn’t started. He always stays put in his desk doing is own things without anyone around him; just having little talks helps Levi open up his personality to you more and helps you guys into becoming closer friends

Mammon

‣ He agreed to transfer because Dollar Store exist

‣ Mammon didn’t mind being around humans unlike his brother; he just thinks he’s better than them all hail Mammon the great they say

‣ His stupidity makes him funny and fun to be around, so on the first day he came he was already making a lot of friends

‣ For all the 3 classes you have with Mammon you always find yourself either sitting beside, behind or in front of him, due to that you started having conversations with him when you’re bored or when your finished all your assignments

‣ You find it funny every time he gets in trouble by the teachers for being too loud; his apologies be like “Sorry Mrs/Mr. T/N, my dear favourite teacher!, I’ll make be sure to keep my voice down next time <3 <3”

‣ Mammon always hangs out around you; ever since your guy’s first talk he has already taken a liking to you, you guys became like to peas to a pod doing everything together as best friends

‣ You’re always there to help Mammon with his school works; the amount of homework he receives is horrifying. He kept saying he didn’t have time to do them, but are you really going to believe what’s coming out of that mouth of his?

‣ He’s voted #1 for dropouts oops

Satan

‣ Satan arrived not too long ago and is already claiming the class top student spot

‣ Doesn’t really like being around humans but it’s better than going to school with Lucifer Satan’s dream school

‣ He’s always chilling in the library, reading his books; you usually come to the library often to see ahem stalk him since he is quite a mysterious guy. You thought Satan wouldn’t notice, because you weren’t someone who sticks out, but he did

‣ He stuck up behind you one time while you were at your locker, almost giving you a heart attack

“You’re Y/N L/N, I am correct?”

‣ You nodded, that was the first time he ever spoke to you since his transfer here; you never dared to come forth to talk to him either , it's just that something about Satan makes you fear him his name bruh

“Here, our English teacher told me to give you this”

‣ What he gave you was your homework yayy, but after that little interaction you decided to make an effort into becoming friends with him, he sounded like a genuinely nice person

‣ Satan is pretty popular amongst the students in your school thanks to his so-called charming personality, though deep down he’s not the same person we see from the outside, on the inside he has no respect for anyone, but no one knows except for his brothers

‣ He’s definitely, one of the teachers favorite student, I mean he does his work, is incredibly smart, polite to his fellow classmates and greets them, also has a nice smile can’t relate

‣ You and Satan eventually became friends; he’s okay with you being around him, since you listen to him go on about the books he has read 24/7, it also cute hearing his little detective quotes that he uses sometimes when solving problems

[bestbouy]

Sick

By -Me! Person for: @rubystar2​ Summary: Ikor Isn’t feeling very well, But he thinks nothing of it, refusing to tell anyone. -Well, Until he collapses In the middle of Battle. Character Focus: Ikor (Ice herald), Riff (Fire Herald). (Other characters are mentioned) Warnings: idk how to spell ikor's tribe thingie, Or Riff's, And it's quite long. Don't judge me. I got carried away. Oh, and Riff has no clue how to make Eggs And Bacon. When Ikor first felt it, He was in the forest with the others Trying to find a shard of the Elestar. His head was Aching slightly, And he felt like he might fall over. at first, he just rubbed his head and brushed It off. Riff was talking a lot today. And that was that, Til tomorrow. The next day, He was feeling worse. His Headache was Bigger, he had a Stuffy nose now, And he wasn't looking so hot either. He looked like he was sick. He didn't notice. . . Or he didn't want too. Nobody else noticed, Not until the fifth day. Ikor figured out what was happening by now. He felt so *Cold*. he *never* Felt cold. He was an Icey! How was he *Cold?* He didn't want to Admit it. for all he knew, He was the first Icey to get sick like this! ~Third day, Morning~ Ikor was hobbling down the stairs, Yawning. He wasn't feeling great, As always. His head hurt anytime he tried to move- or think. He just felt so cold- "Good morning!" Ikor looked over and saw Riff sitting with Ao-ki, Trek and Eron. He attempted to look like he didn't Want to run back upstairs, surround himself in Pillows, and cry silently for the next Hour or two. "Hello Riff, good morning everyone." He responded. they all had their "Hello"s and "G'morning!"s. "How's it going, Icemen?" Riff asked. He sounded... A bit worried, But ikor was too stressed to care. "I'm fine. How are you today?" "I'm just great! Y'know, Fireys(?????) being the best, And all." Ikor snickered, Riff never missed a chance to sneak in how his tribe was the best. "Listen, we All know MY tribe is the best, Riff." Ikor said, and (Attempting not the stumble) He walked over and sat down next to him. Eron continued his ramble on about something, Something about a Wind shard in the wind realm, Something about ice cream or something? Ikor wasn't listening, He was to busy arguing with riff about Who's tribe was the best. "us Fireys have cool Dances! And crazy dangerous homes!" "Iceys are the best, We life Calculated and safe. And your "Cool dances" are quiet Stupid." "Hey! our dances are the coolest!" "Nuh-uh." "Yuh-huh!" "Oh yeah? well i think-" They where inturruped by a large BOOM as the ground shook underneith them. Ikor wobbled, And then tumbled to the ground. The shaking stopped, And Riff got up to help ikor up. "Woah! Ikor, You good?" Riff asked, Alarmed. "I'm fine, Thank you. What was that?" He asked. They ran outside, Ikor close behind Riff as they ran. It was Gredd, and it looked like he had a new power. Or something like that, Ikor was to distracted by that gosh darn HEADACHE! It hurt so much it was hard to focus. Riff seemed to notice Ikor's Struggle, So he turned to Ikor and said; "Don't worry, I got this Joker!" Riff exclaimed, And began to summon a Gormiti. Ikor just stood next to him as he did the whole "Elemental knights!" Thingie, You know. Ikor was just standing By, looking around and trying to look normal. As riff summoned Hurik, Gredd seemed to grin Wider. "Your Fire gormiti don't scare me Now, Herald!" He said, And with a shout of "Darkwave!" The fight was on. "Blastblaze!" Hurik shouted, the fire gormiti summoning his attack. Ikor noticed something. Something important. There was something... off about gredd's attack. It was more- Powerful? He didn't know, He was sure he miss saw. If only he did. The darkwave went straight through the Blastblaze, And hurik Dodged. "How is he this powerful?" Hurik shouted. "I quite like your elestar shards, Heralds!" Gredd shouted out, Summoning another darkwave. Then ikor saw it. one hand focussing attacks, and Gredd's other hand, Holding Two shards. Ikor was stunned, and not

long after he saw them, riff saw them too. Just as riff was distracted by the shards, Gredd had grinned evilly. with a shout of "Dark wave!", hurik was too weakened to do anything, So he put his hands up to shield himself. But gredd wasn't Aiming for hurik. Riff looked up, And saw it was heading right for him. He gasped, and right before it hit him, Right before he was taken care of . . . What happened? The dark wave Exploded on the target, and Dirt went up everywhere. As the smoke cleared, Gredd had not, in fact, Hit what he intended too. No, he hit a much more. . . Icey, target. Ikalos stood, Still as ice, His shield in hand and blocking the attack from gredd and smiling. "What do you think you're doing, Darken?" Ikor stood, Shaky as grass, Trying with all his might to keep in position. But it was hard, and he couldn't Focus well. As Ikalos Blocked and threw off attacks at Gredd, Ikor weakened and Weakened. How long did he have to do this? it was beginning to tire him. . . Ikor heard something. He ignored it, Head spinning. He felt like he needed to rest his eyes. Just for a second, Y'know? Close them, Open them, he'd feel soo much better if he just closed his eyes. Just for a second. just. . . For a. . . second . . . ? Riff's P.O.V When Ikalos blocked gredd's attack, Riff was almost down in tears. but instead, taking his chance, He scampered away. Moving towards ikor as he Focused on Ikalos. As ikalos threw attacks and blocked others, Riff reached ikor. "T-Thanks, Ikor. Guess icey's aren't as bad as i thought!" he laughed, Stumbling over to the Icey and grinning. Ikor didn't answer, So Riff slightly poked him. "Ikor? Gorm to Ikor? Sheesh, Maybe you icey's ARE bad." Riff snorted. Ikor still didn't reply. Instead, He had stumbled back, Closed his eyes, And fell straight over. Riff gasped, And the others ran over. "What happened to Ikor?" Ao-ki asked, worried. "I don't know! He just fell over!" "Did gredd do anything?" Trek asked "Not that i could see- He just- he-" Riff stumbled over his words, Looking at the unconscious Boi sadly. Trek looked over At ikalos and Gredd. "Wait! Guys, If ikor's Unconcious, He can't focus on Ikalos!" "Which means i will have an Easy Pickings!" Gredd laughed, Throwing a DarkWave and hitting Ikalos directly on the chest. "What happened to Ikor? He needs to focus or i can't fight!" Ikalos shouted at the others. "Uhm- We have a bit of a problem, Bud! He's kinda. . . Asleep?" "WHAT? If he's asleep, I can't-" Ikalos was cut short as an icicle when he quickly disappeared. Trek looked over at Gredd. "We need another gormiti!" he said quickly. "But gredd's got two ice shards! How're we gonna beat him?" "Hey!" Eron piped up. "Remember when we summoned all four of the Lords all that time ago?" "Yeah, Why? We can't summon a Lord,-" "Buuuuuut we can summon two Normal gormiti! I mean, It must be so much easier, And gredd can't focus on Two gormiti!" Riff paused, Looking at the others. "...It might just work." Ao-ki said finally. (Don't ask. don't ask why gredd's just been watching. you'll know why if you have ever watched gormiti. the pauses for convo's are so insane.) Trek and Eron stood up, Beginning to focus as Ao-ki and Riff carried Ikor inside the Tower. Riff assumed that they where successful, As he could them cheering as they got ikor inside and Laying down. Riff took a better look at Ikor. "Sheesh, He looks terrible. How long has he been like this?" "He's sick. I'd say he's had the cold for awhile. . ." Ao-ki explained. "Well why the howling didn't he tell us about that?! That's like, Super important!" "I don't know, But hopefully when he wakes up he'll provide an answer." Ao-ki said. "Hopefully. . ." A little while later, Eron and Trek came back in, Looking exausted. "Is Ikor any better? What happened?" Eron asked, Hopping quickly over to an Unconscious Ikor. "He was Sick. We assume for at least a couple of days." Ao-ki explained. "And for SOME REASON-" Riff crossed his arms, A pout on his face. "-HE DIDN'T TELL US!" "Well obviously, But

i hope he's Okay." Trek sad, Looking down sadly at Ikor. 3rd Person P.O.V Ikor slept for a good while, So the others decided to keep busy. . . . If "keeping busy" Is "Juggling Jewels" or "Taking a nap" or "Worrying about the ice boi". after about half an hour, The compass suddenly made a farmiliar "BEEP BEEP BEEP" sound, Starttling everyone. Ao-ki walked over, picked up the Compass, and Looked to everyone else, excited. "It's a Shard of the Elestar! There's one in the forest!" She exclaimed. "Well then what are we waiting for? Let's go!" Eron said, Shaking trek awake. "W-Wha? A shard? Shouldn't we be with Ikor?" He yawned. "I'll stay with Ikor in case he wakes up, Y'all should go get the shard." Riff said, Looking down at Ikor. He had been worrying about Ikor all day, Ever Since he collapsed. "Okay. . . Let us know when we come back if he's okay." Ao-ki said, Beginning to beckon the others to the door. "C'mon guys!" she shouted as they left. Riff's P.O.V Silence seeped in afterwords, As ikor seemed to shift in his sleep. Was he waking up already? No, Ikor was just moving. He wasn't awake yet. Riff groaned. He was bored already. What was he gonna do while Ikor woke up?? It suddenly came to Riff's attention, A small Kitchen off to the side of the tower. It wouldn't hurt to try it out, Would it? Nah, Fireys can do anything! Ikor's P.O.V Ikor woke up to the smell of something Burning. He groaned, Sitting up and reaching his hand up to rub his head. Ikor actually felt much better, His headache was basically gone, And he felt unbothered. But, Y'know, All things have their end. as He Looked around, he Noticed the trail of Smoke coming out of the kitchen off to the Side. "Agh! Uh, This needs suger!-" a pause, Then a yelp. "-THAT'S SALT- Oh wait i was supposed to put that in, That's good. Wait, How much salt Do i need again? Eh, I'll just pour in the whole bag. What's it gonna do wrong?" Another pause, And ikor heard something falling over and spilling. "Oh sheesh- OH NO THE CINNAMON-" Ikor eventually figured out it was Riff, But one question Remained. What the howling was riff making? Ikor slowly got up, attempting not to wince in pain as he moved his Legs. He looked towards the Kitchen and began hobbling over. Apparently, His moving had made a Sound, as Riff poke his head out the kitchen Doorframe. "Ikor! You're awake! I'm making you some eggs and bacon, Just give me a second!" Riff exclaimed, But his smile dipped a bit. "Oh! And you need to explain a lot of stuff when i'm done!" It took ikor a second, But he found it in him to Snap at the Firey. "R-Riff, Why the Howling would EGGS AND BACON need SALT AND CINNAMON?" He hissed at him, Grabbing the door for Support the moment he got near it. "Uh- Well, I'm putting everything i like in them, then adding the eggs and bacon together! That's how you make eggs and bacon, Right?" "You've NEVER made eggs before? Seriously?" Ikor snorted. "I'm guessing that's a no, Then?" Ikor raised an eyebrow, And Riff Shrunk down a bit. Ikor sighed, Walking towards him best he could, and sitting down on a stool. "Don't worry. I can't make them right now, But i can tell you how. Okay. Get rid of all this- Stuff, and get out a Pan, Some Butter, and- FOR LORDS SAKE, YOU PUT THEM IN THE OVEN?-" That went on for awhile, Ikor telling Riff what to do and Riff (Kinda) doing it. with a couple of "NONONONO *NOT* THE SALT AGAIN-" And one "Why the howling would you cut the bacon up???", They eventually finished the bacon and eggs. Or eggs and bacon. LISTEN I DON'T KNOW WHICH WAY TO PUT IT- "For a firey, You actually did pretty well following commands." Ikor said, taking a bite of his charred Bacon. "But you cooked the bacon too much, You idiot." Ikor joked. "At least *I* didn't say to cook it to your liking." Riff said. "These are perfect for me." "At the ice kingdom, We don't even cook them. We eat raw." "WHAT?" They sat there, Talking about anything that came to their minds. It wasn't Exciting, almost relaxing. "I was never one to study our dances, But i

can't see how they look stupid!" "It just does! I don't understand why you do it, Is all." "We just do!" As Riff finished his Bacon, he looked back up at ikor. "And Hey! you never explained why you didn't tell us about you being sick!" He said, Pointing his fork at him. "Ah. . . I was hoping you'd forget, You fireys always do." "Hey! We are not, We're very- Heeyyyy, Stop changing the subject! Tell me!" "I kinda. . . Thought you guys wouldn't like me, And in turn would get rid of me, Because honestly, Who just keeps a Herald around that nobody likes? And you would replace me with some stupid Icey, And my father would hate me, And y'all would go on without me, Never giving me a second thought, And maybe just hating iceys more then ever." Ikor spilled. "But" he said. "Now that i think about it." He added. "I know you guys wouldn't do that to me. Y'all are my friends. You always will be, And i trust all of you to know that." He smiled at Riff, And Riff smiled back. Maybe this was going to be okay. Maybe he didn't have to hide all his problems anymore. Maybe. . . Just maybe. . . He could be a part of a new family. //Note: I took WAY too long\\ //I'M SO SORRY\\

[yamithediaperdork]

Crime and Punishment: Jail Bird Diaries (MHA)

Crime and Punishment: Jail bird diaries

*The following is the entries from a diary recovered from the cell of one Katsuki Bakugo after serving his time in the regression jail. certain entry's have been removed as the writing was unable to be made out.*

Week 2, Day 1

So after a fucking week in this stupid fucking hell hole they dare to call a good idea, It's been suggested to me by the stupid AI I have to refer as daddy that I might calm myself down and stop adding time to my stupid fucking sentence if I vent in this stupid fucking book. I pointed out I can barley hold this stupid fucking crayon with the mittens i have to wear but a hand just came out of the wall and patted my head, telling me I'm a clever boy and I'll figure it out. I would of added anther two months onto my sentence right then and there if it wasn't for these fucking glove, even if Maybe kinda sorta..the head pat felt nice. ANYWAYS! to any assholes reading this, expect lots of fucking cursing because daddy said I can swear all i want in here and I have a back flow I need to get out. I mean with all the stupid fucking bull shit I have to put up wi- And fuck me, shitting myself again. fuck this place sucks.

Week 2, Day 2

You just know it's gonna be a shit fucking day Diary when you wake up to the feeling of having a uber load in the seat of your pants patted and rubbed and being praised for being a super good pooper. I'm already not a fan of the super bulky diapers these bastard keep me in but 'daddy' has apparently registered me as a super pooper and states anything thing less wouldn't hold up to my boom booms. refer to my statement about earning more time in here from the last entry for my feelings on THAT! I had figured with the massive bulk of these things at least I wouldn't have to worry about any cutesy outfits save for some t-shirt but since apparently I pissed off god, guess fucking what? No really, Guess. If you guessed they went and adjusted some of the sleepers that all the other big babies in here sleep in to fit over my massive diaper ass then ding ding ding! winner winner chicken dinner. Picture me, a man known as a murder god..and in a blue full body fuzzy care bear style with a white tummy and 'har har' the grumpy bear symbol on the belly. Fucking thing even has a hood! I swear if it wasn't for the fact the thing was soooo soft and kinda comfy, I would of found a way to rip it off. and I don't care WHAT daddy claims, I only dropped right off to sleep in it because he drugged my milk, not because I felt warm and safe. Fuck this place!! I never thought I'd be semi ok with the stupid paw patrol t-shirt and my giga diapers on display.. anyways wrapping this up, apparently I'm having more fucking visitors today. fucking yay..

Week 2, Day 3

Oh my fucking god. yesterday would just NOT fucking stop. apparently it was some sort of official visitors day or some bull shit like that. 4 fucking visitors and three of them not fucking Deku who's trying to make it a point to show up every day as support. first up was mister shock and awe himself Denki. He just couldn't get that stupid grin off his face and kept gushing about how cute I was and how much he wished he could of came in and given me butt pats. I was about ready to snarl that he couldn't when a couple of daddies arms came and took a firm hold on me to keep me from bolting and then the cell door opened up. "Come on in! Katsuki can use all the butt pats he can get. I know he'll act like he hates them but all little guys like him love them." Daddy said. Like, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK! So in from that stupid blond and the door shuts and daddy tells me to turn around and present my rump for pats. Like I was gonna fucking listen to THAT and turned around to tell the speaker box his voice comes from as much and well.. Ok You see my mistake? I swear I was turning to tell daddy off but according to him and Denki I turned around like a good little boy eager for my bum pats and before I could get a god damn word out that's what was happening. talk about major fucking blushing going on and gah, not proud to say this but without a second thought i spread my legs a little so that he could get a better pat going on and it MIGHTA of sorta felt nice for all of 0.0000001 seconds! Daddy and Denki are lying sacks of shit when they say i coo'ed! Basically spent the rest of Denki's visit after that over his lap, getting butt pats and back rubs and being told just how cute I am and how much he prefers me like this. if it wasn't for the fact punching a visitor would of netted me a extra year I woulda slugged him. that the only reason i went along with it..

after a hour he left and Daddy was praising me for being a super good boy and rewarded me with chocolate milk in a bottle instead of the normal formula and put some power rangers instead of paw patrol on TV.  I mighta zoned out holding my bottle with both hands cuz of the mittens and chugging and watching that I didn't notice my next guest till I heard the giggle. whipping my head around and giving me one hell of a neck ache thats still kinda here, I saw what looked like a school girls outfit standing up on it's own and knew it was Tooru. "oh my gosh don't stop because of me! that was sooo cute! I wish they hadn't of taken away my cell phone i would of taken the cutest video!" she gushed and clapped. I held up both hands and because of the mittens she thought I was showing I wanted uppies but I think you know what i was really doing Diary. Of course daddy let her in too and she kept giving me heads and patting my head and asking daddy all sorts of questions about my treatment and like.. ugh. I felt like a toddler getting hugs and attention but ignored while the adults talked. she tugged me onto her lap and kept rocking me and tickling my tummy and it took me awhile to figure out what she was trying to do, she was trying to make me crap myself during her visiting time! well she left half disappointed because even though i was cramping, all i did was wet my diapers so I'll count it as a win. ...that said about 10 seconds after she left I was squatting and totally loading these stupid diapers to the brim.

Thankfully for what tiny bit of pride I've managed to hold onto, while my diaper change took what fucking seemed like forever, I was re-diapered and daddy was in the process of tossing the stinky one when my next guest arrive. because I'm Mr. fucking popular. It was Deku of course and because he's been here so often he's got a special pass that just lets him come in. He was in the middle of saying hi when his nose wrinkled and then he covered it and coughed a little . "oh, somebody just had a diapie change I uh..smell." he said sheepishly. "Oh yeah, little guy is living up to his label as a super pooper." Daddy said. "oh my god freaking stop calling me that!" I whined and uh..Maybe didn't help with trying to give off a big boy image because I was still on the changing table and grabbed a stuffed bear and put it over my face. "oh my gosh, CUTE!" Deku squealed and daddy was laughing. Like..fuck. it's bad enough when the shit they're making me do gets that reaction..then i fucking set myself up for it. getting off of the changing Table me and Deku did our normal catch up and I once again begged him to try and get the other kids in 1-a to stop coming here, telling him about Denki and Tooru. the green haired bastard just told me everyone missed me and wanted to make sure I was doing ok and not to be such a grumpy Gus. I swear I almost took the extra year right then and there. Instead I switched the convo to talking about what was going on at school and what I had missed and yeah.. it was kinda nice catching up a little bit. I hadn't dared asked till now worried it might just trigger a fit that was going to add time on you know? and Deku was nice, not rubbing it in or at least trying not to that they were going on bigger and more exciting field trips and shadowing full on heroes this week. I think it helped that while we talked I started to color in one of the coloring books Daddy provided and Deku joined in, though his picture was colored in a lot better then mine cuz well he has full use of his hands. As his time ran out and it was time for him to go, Deku made me blush like crazy when he asked if he could have the picture I colored to hang up on his wall and asked if I'd color more pretty pictures for him. being at a lost of words, I just nodded my head.

After Deku left daddy said it was time for a quick lunch and then a nap, I was clearly worn out and had one more person to go. I just sighed and went along with it because it's not like I would of really had a say in it anyways. again apparently my behavior for the day was having a effect on my dining choice because while I was put in the same high chair I normally was, instead of yucky baby food I got some cut up chicken nuggets and fries. I wonder how good I'll have to be to score a medium rare steak? anyways, after lunch and a burping I was put down for a nap and woke up to the sound of the door to my nursery prison. I was still groggy and stuff so when I rolled over and looked up to see the face of my mother, i just thought I was dreaming for a second and gave a tiny giggle and ugghhh.. say "hi Mommy." it wasn't till she broke out laughing I realized she was really there. She was..very amused to say the least and told me she had canceled the cruise she was on and flew back home as soon as she could when she'd found out the news. she mentioned that she had been made aware that there WAS a option to give me a form of parole in that I could go and move back in with her for the term of my sentence and she could let me get away with just pull ups and she had been thinking about exercising it..Until she fucking saw me in here and saw how 'natural' I looked like a big baby! I'm...I'm not proud to say I mighta of broken down bawling and begging her to let me come home with her, and ugh.. as I got more hysterical I ended up promising to be the bestest little boy ever. Mom just hushed me and picked me out of the crib I'd been in and hugged me to her chest, patting my squishy bottom (Hey, all the milk i had before going night night, you'd of wet yourself too!) I realize i never covered this before but i had been put down for my nap in just my diapers so there's THAT fun mental picture of me in my booties and mitts and soggy huggies and Mom cuddling me and trying to calm me down. I was bawling and hiccuping when she popped a paci in my mouth and sat down on a rocking chair that daddy provided and with me curled up in her lap rocked back and forth talking about how I had just proven this place was doing wonders for me and then started to ask daddy questions about where to get supplies. curled up close to mommy and hearing her heartbeat.. I..Fell back asleep.

Thankfully no ones coming today, not even Deku since he's busy..I just don't know if I could handle it after yesterday. and yeah, the rest of the day after I fell asleep in mom's lap was just a blur. fuck.. I need to get out of here.

Week 2, Day 6

Know I ignored you for a bit there kinda Diary, I went to write in you but just came out all mixed up and crossed it out. I've mostly docile since Mom's visit and uh..kinda sorta.. I dunno. Kinda wish Deku would come by. I know he's got that big shadowing All might thing going on but..Fuck. I dunno. Daddy keeps going on about me almost hitting a critical point in the program and I don't know about that..I just..I almost wish mom HADN'T of told me about how i could of been at home you know? I was struggling with this before finding that out. I'm spending the day in my sleeper t'day, I just wanna feel all..I don't fucking know.. small and safe? and that helps with it and daddy was more then understanding when I asked to. It just has to come off when I'm eating and stuff and well, semi gone back to the baby food but still getting milk milk. and the baby food is a yummy flavor at least. I dunno Diary, I think thats it for today. Katsuki out.

Week 3, Day 5

Man, looking back on the past couple of entries I did between here and last week and even I can't make out what the heck I wrote. guess a semi recap is in order. Midoriya ended up visiting me during supper on day six of last week and asked if I had any more pretty pictures for him. I hadn't thought I'd actually done any but I guess in the semi daze I'd been in I had and daddy brought them out for him. I told him about mommy visiting and he was really sympathetic and agrees that she shouldn't of told me about the possible parole if I wasn't gonna get it, He had known but well.. knowing my mom like he does had already figured out what she'd picked. He just didn't wanna get my hopes up. Daddy let him take over feeding me and I dunno..it was kinda nice and stuff. we watched a bit of TV after till I started farting lots and Midoriya tactfully left before I ended up going poopies in front of him saying he knew I was in a fragile place and promised to visit the next day. Day 7 was basically the normal same old same old, got out of my sleeper, breakfast and a diaper change then playing with my toys and watching tv till Midoriya showed up. He joined in on a awesome game of Teddies VS Building blocks and I was uh.. kinda giggling like a real little guy and sooo relaxed that I didn't notice something till he brought it up, wrinkling his nose. "Katsuki, did you go poo poo?" He asked. Well, of course I said no because I hadn't felt myself go but then I got a whiff of myself and god, that was sooo embarrassing!! Midoriya ended his visit early as he knows I hate being watched during a change, but told me how much of a good boy I was and that made me blush and smile. After he left and I was all nice and clean from the poopie diaper daddy didn't dress me though, it was time for a bath and a section of the wall opened up and I was led to a fair sized tub and allowed to get in myself. Daddy got me all washed up as the tub filled up and even trusted me without my booties and mittens, though with the wall having sealed up behind me there wasn't really anywhere I could run to. with me all squeaky clean he let me play in the tub for a while as there were some toy boats and a few sea monsters and it was wayyy more relaxing then the quick showers I'm used to. finally when i was all pruney daddy drained the tub and dried me off with a nice fluffy towel and got me redressed though I was mayyybe a little more relaxed then I thought from the tub cuz I took my nap early, and ended up missing a visit from Ojiro. (Daddy said the only reason he'd interrupted my other nap was cuz well, Mom is my real mom.) Is it weird I felt bad he came ALL the way here to see me and couldn't because I was a sleepy little guy? I dunno. Man.. this place is getting to me ya know? basically lather rinse repeat for the next couple of days, being fed, playing with toys, watching cartoons, and filling my diapers. getting to see Midoriya and hand out and yeahh. Yesterday Ojiro tried again and this time I was awake and heh.. he was really nice about it and told me he forgave me already when i whined out a sorry for being asleep the last time. in his own words he really should of called ahead since little guys like me are prone to impromptu naps. After that we played blocks for a little while and he just kept smiling so much and squirming about till daddy asked if he needed to use the potty. Ojiro blushed uber bad which in turn made me giggle like crazy and said no, but took off shortly after. I wonder what was up with him? I tried to ask daddy but he just patted my head and told me to color a picture for Midoriya, so I guess I'll ask him when he comes over today.

Week 3 Day 7

Midoriya just laughed when i asked him my question  and still won't answer it, even after i threatened NOT to make him any more pretty pictures. Daddy and him both found my threat to be funny and cute though so I guess that's good. Denki came to see me again and was all about patting my butt again and playing peek a boo with me.. which Ok. was fun for like a little bit buttt he reallly carried it on for too long but when i said I was getting bored we swapped over to playing with stuffies till his time was up. Well ok, I played with them and told him what was going on and he just smiled and told me how creative I was and made me grin like a dork. I asked HIM about Ojiro's odd behavior before he left and he got a BIG grin on his face and said he'd be back for more details and then daddy scolded me about not sticking in other peoples affairs. I'm so confused. The next day Midoriya was here and something reallly 'brassing happened.. I had gone boom boom once again and He was going to leave..but daddy asked him if he wanted to help change me!!! I don't know who was blushing more, me or him! In any case, after Midoriya helped cleaned my butt up and daddy re-diapered me, He took off all squirmy and blushing and daddy joked about me having a effect on all the boys.. whatever THAT'S suppose to mean. Mommy is coming by later today and I hope I don't spend her whole visit sobbing again like a crybaby.. though daddy said it's ok if I do cuz it's a big part of my rehab.

Week 4 Day 1

Sooo..who's got two thumbs and ended up crying himself to a early bedtime in mommies arms yesterday? THIS guy. she came in as I was having supper and technically it was too late for her to be there but they made a exception. I was already kinda.. whinny.. when it looked like she wasn't going to show but then daddy said she could only be there for half a hour. Mommy explained that she got stuck waiting on a delivery of things she's going to need for me in the future and took over feeding me the rest of my supper while I whined and huffed that I had waited allll day on her. It wasn't till after she had given me my ba-ba in her lap and burped me I thought to ask what she had ordered. She just smiled and told me not to worry about it and to be a good little boy and kissed my forehead and I.. I totally fudged my huggies, in mommies lap. Cue meltdown and I don't even really know why..it's not like I haven't been pooping my pants for awhile now right? I don't know whether it was because I was being held, or who was holding me, or just her reaction as i did it that got to me. "Oh! Somebodies making mommy a present!" with utter delight in her voice and patting my bottom as i kept filling my pampers to the brim. I just..I just started to bawl and sob and buried my face in her shoulder and no matter how much Mommy and daddy told me it was all ok, I couldn't stop. I don't even remember going to sleep or getting a diapie change..I just woke up this morning in my crib in a soggy diaper (Yeah I've become a bed wetter, so what!) and yeahhh.. Daddy says he'll tell me who changed me, him or her when he thinks I can hear it without bawling.

Week 5 Day 5

After holding up for journal for daddy to read, he told me I need to start taking time to calm down and focus before writing, my last couple of entries were all scribbles again. he told it was very cute and brave of me to wanna share it with him though and gave me lots of awesome head pats. I guess since i didn't make sense when i originally gushed about it, i should go back over it. Just shortly after the thing with pooping my pampers in mommies lap, i just started to really like head pats and daddy took notice and has been showering me with them. just makes me all giddy and I've started to lean into them. Midoriya noticed the love of 'em took and started to give'em out! Jirou came by with Asui and it was while I was watching some Micky mouse club house and singing along. I had just went "OH TOODLES!" and heard giggles and clapping and well blushed a bit..but daddies been trying to help me embrace what a little guy I am so I forced a smile then blew a raspberry at them. told'em if they wanted to come in and visit they could, but they had to join in and help Micky out. they giggled but agreed and well for a couple of stinky girls they weren't half bad to hang out with.

They weren't as fun to hang out as Mommy when she came and visited, though I said sorry a BUNCH of times for my fit she just gave me head and butt pats and told me it was all ok. She's been twice since the stinky break down and I've managed NOT to bawl both times for the most part. I mean..i get a little teary when she has to go buttt i get it. wish she could visit more but between work and setting my room up she's been a busy bee. I asked about why she'd hafa set my room up since I always figured after this I'll be going right back to school but she just chuckled and took out the action figures she'd brought from home for me and her to play hero's and villains with. (I mean, don't get me wrong, LOVE the stuffies I have in here, and Midoriya, Denki, Kouda and Tenya have gotten me others..but action figures are sooo much easier to have do cool stuff.) Oh guess i forgot to mention a bunch of boys showed up, Kouda, Tenya, Satou, Eijirou, and ughhh.. Mineta. They showed up as a group with some presents and while 4 of them were all cool and nice.. well, one guess who was a little butt? he actually got me so worked up with his teasing I swore for the first time in ages and daddy had to wash my mouth out but he also banned him from coming back. Back to playing with mommy, it was super fun, she was the evil baddies trying to attack the peaceful stuffie village and I was the heroes saying the day and giggling as i was in just a t-shirt and my uber diapies.  there was slight almost crying moment though while playing with mommy.. I went to lean forward to grab a action figure and just with like.. NO control blorted. It was loud and stinky and I guess I had the cutest look on my face. Maybe asked if I wasn't to stop playing while i finished or keep going and well..I didn't want her to be bored just sitting there watching me go blort. (Blort is a nick name for going poopie I picked up from Ojiro when he visited again, though his butt looked all puffed out and he seemed wayyy more into hugging stuffies then me. eh, go figure) Anyways, we finished up the game and I have having so much fun I MIGHTA pretended I was still blorting even after it was all out so we didn't have to pause again. I know I know, that meant sitting in my own poopie for awhile when I didn't hafa but I'm not really worried about a diaper rash or anything, they use like the best creams and powders here, and well I maybe kinda sorta like the squishy feeling.. though when i told daddy he said that's just because I haven't been able to make a big boy mess in awhile. I'm shocked my hair didn't ignite i was blushing so bad when he said that. Before you even ask diary, I waited till it was just me and daddy ta mention that.. though he hinted mommy had known I was done. He said maybe tomorrow if I'm super duper good today I can get a milking which confused me at first since I don't have boobies.  thennn he explained it out and um yeah.. lots of blushies and gonna try and be on my bestest behavior.

Week 9, Day 3

Sowwy been 'noring you. dis too busy hasing fun wiff everyone. daddy said it's otay though and told me to make at least one last entry in ya. Ummm otay. Sooo Turns out dat Ojiro and Denki are now all dating and kissy face and and Denki was a wanna be daddy dom and the reason Ojiro got all squirmy and silly? he was all jelly of me and my kick butt nursery! Apparently he was gonna -GIGGLE- try and git locked up in here so he could be babied and Denki just spanked his butt RED and pampered him. He's a super good at going blort too, and when they visit we have blort offs. (Score 4-3 in mah favor) Let's see...what else....Oh! Midoriya went and got a part time job as a daycare worker and 'ppently it's at a speical daycare where big babies like Ojiro n me can go, once I get out. kinda silly since i'm gonna be a uber big boy n stuff when i git out butttt daddy is always telling me to be polite sooo i nodded. He's been helping out wiff my diapie changes when he's here and even put in a few volunteer hours here to help out. (Such a good guy!) Mommies been by A LOT more latly too and can't stop gushing bout the appent change in my attuide. she's been bringing in and taking home my action figures cuz her and daddy agreed those are toys for use only under special supervision and I kinda ended up admitting to her I like sitting in my poopies now, at least for like.. umm.. 10 minutes. She just laughed and said noted and that it worked out with one of the additions she put on my room.. whatever dat means. She still wont tell me what she's done or why I'll be going wiff her when I get out, but eh, asking too many questions is a good way to lose a milking and the way daddy does'em.. dun what dat. Ummm I fink dat's everything Diary..fanks fer helping me get though the first bit of life here n being a friend! Daddy asked me to leave you here wiff him when I get out, but he'll print a copy for me and mommy.

After half a year in baby Jail, It was a fair different Katsuki who stepped out then had gone in. and that wasn't just referring to his change in attire. His quirk had more or less been nullified over the course of his treatment via special drugs in his drinks and food though it would return if he weaned himself off of said drug. Katsuki for his part didn't seem to mind since it got him out of his baby mitts and let him use his fingers for fun stuff like finger painting. (though even the daddy AI had learned it was best to strip him to just a diaper when he was painting, the little guy liked to draw on himself and had a massive fit when daddy had washed a turtle he'd drawn on his tummy off before he could show Midoriya.) He didn't even seem to mind that he'd been released in his now familiar bulky diaper and one of his many baby tops, wearing a pair of Winnie pooh socks and sneakers and holding onto his mom's hand as he was checked out. The warden smiled and waved bye bye to him as he was signed out and Katsuki semi hide behind his mom but waved bye back and then they were heading home.

"so Um..Mommmmmy?" Katsuki asked, sitting in the back seat of mommy's car, buckled into a customized car seat just for his puffy diaper butt. "whatttty?" She asked, looking back at him via the rear view mirror and smirking. "Can you tell's me now why we're going back home and not ta school? Like..is it so I can get's my big boy clothes on?" he asked, kicking his legs ideally. "welll you've missed most of the school year as is, there's no way you'll be able to catch up. so it's been agreed that you'll just take the rest of the year off and stay with me. and Besides, you need to re-potty train buddy." his mom pointed out. "...no i don't. I can hold it." Katsuki huffed, blushing and hugging one of the stuffies he'd been able to take with him and holding it to his chest. "Katsuki..what don't good little boys do?" She asked him. "...Lie." he huffed and looked down. "and what was that you just did?" "..Lied Mommy..I sowwy.." Katsuki said and he just looked SO sad and had tears welling up. "It's ok sweetie. Mommy isn't mad. but you need to tell the truth so you can have lots and lots of head pats ok?" she said quickly. "O-Ok..I..I guess..Maybe i kinda don't have pee control anymore..but I mostly know when i hasa blort." Katsuki said. "Mhhhmmm..well we'll be keeping you in your diapies for awhile and working you back up to be kid undies for the fall unless you decide you like being mommies little guy." "pffft, wike I'll PICK ta stay like this.." he huffed and squirmed. "Well if you do..a lot of what mommies been doing while you've been in there is baby proofing the apartment and turning your room into a nursery like the one you've been in, just no daddy though." "I..wait..wut?" Katsuki asked, and squirmed. "Yup, a changing table, a crib..I got you a high chair and got a baby bouncer for you because daddy told me it's your favorite way to make big boy messes after you've blorted." She giggled. Katsuki was squirming BIG time now in the back seat, and ended up popping his paci into his mouth and sucking on it big time and hugging his stuffie to his face. "oh it's ok sweetie. Mommy knows a growing boy like you has your needs. Just make sure to get mommies help if you wanna go bouncy bouncy ok?" She asked. The poor red faced boy couldn't speak, just suckled and nodded lots. the old Katsuki would of had a bitching fit and blown his way out of the car and stormed off..but Baby Katsuki just realized maybe just because he was out of baby jail..didn't mean he wasn't still a baby. 'I'm not a jail bird anymore..this is gonna be a longggggg summer..' He thought and then sucking on his paci and the noise of the car and vibration of it, drifted off to sleep like the big baby he was.

The end

[spaceorphan18]

i really liked your s6 blaine meta! would you be willing to do something similar for season 5 episodes 14-20?

Hi Nonny! Sorry for the delay, this is kind of a huge undertaking.  I’m going to be honest, this will be more of an abridged answer.  I really recommend looking over to my Finding Kurt Hummel Meta, because a lot of Kurt and Blaine’s stories are intertwined, and I do talk a lot about Blaine and his motivations there.  That said, let’s dig in! 

Pre-New York Arc

So, as Blaine tells us when before he’s going to graduate, his senior year has been really hard and really weird.  He broke up with his boyfriend, dealt with a school shooting, suffered the loss of a good friend, and then got engaged.  (Y’all should check out my Glee Timeline to see just how squished all of this stuff really was.) By the time his tenure as a high school student is over, he’s desperate to fast forward to being a full fledged adult -- living out his dreams in New York City.  The problem is trying to force your dreams come true doesn’t always work, especially when a) you’re still a kid trying to figure things out and b) you still have a lot of insecurities and mental health issues to deal with.  

So Blaine (and Kurt) still have a lot of growing up to do.  And a lot of the New York Arc is figuring out just that.  

Let’s talk about the proposal for a second, too.  Blaine jumping to marriage is, yes, a bit pre-mature.  He’s was so desperate to get his relationship back on track with Kurt, and so wanting to prove his commitment, he jumped about fifteen other steps and went straight to what he would be the ultimate band-aide -- marriage.  Well, just because you’re married (or engaged) doesn’t mean you don’t have a lot of issues in your relationship.  Blaine and Kurt were too young for their engagement -- and not necessarily because of their age, but because they really hadn’t dealt with a lot of things the move to New York, the cheating, and the first break up did to their relationship.  However, Blaine wants to ignore a lot of the red flags because he feels since he has Kurt back, and put a ring on that finger, he should be fine, right?  His insecurities about Kurt not loving him or wanting to leave him should be squashed because -- ring.  Right??  Oh, Blainey. 

New New York

So, what we don’t see is the six-to-nine months of Kurt and Blaine living together.  Which is a shame.  Because we don’t see how it started, and how they probably were so head over heels wanting to live together and do all the fun things Burt listed off in his conversation with Kurt before the proposal in Love Love Love that they did not have any kind of conversation about how living together would ultimately work.  So, it’s nine months later, and things aren’t so rosey.  

Blaine is trying very hard to make them the old married couple he wants them to be (which is no shade on Blaine!).  He’s singing old timey songs, and basically trying to show his love through acts of servitude, and kind of trying to ignore the nagging feeling that Kurt’s unhappy about it.  

Blaine is a giver by nature, and wants to make Kurt happy, and he thinks if he can be the perfect boyfriend (because he wasn’t before, made a mistake, didn’t take into account that Kurt really was part of that issue, and blames himself for the relationship woes) that his relationship with Kurt will be fine.  The problem is that Blaine is losing himself in the relationship -- trying to be the person he thinks Kurt wants him to be, and the person his own imagination thinks he should be, instead of the person he really is.  

The other thing is that Blaine is a bit clingy.  There’s nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with your significant other.  But Blaine wants to spend every waking moment with Kurt so they can share their magical journey together.  You see -- in high school, they were joined at the hip, and did do a lot of things together.  But they also had a lot of time apart.  They both had groups of friends to do things with, and different households to go home to.  But now, all aspects of their life are jammed into that little loft.  And for Blaine, it’s fine, (though it’s not - he has to learn how to be an individual person, too), but Kurt is struggling with it. 

Here’s the part where I do need to bring up Blaine and his homelife.  Blaine being who he is - is somewhat just his personality.  But part of it is also his homelife.  We can infer that unlike the Hummel household, Blaine’s family wasn’t exactly ones to unconditionally supportive in the same way.  He always had to compete for attention (and possibly love) with Cooper.  He has always felt that no matter how ‘good’ he is -- he’s a failure.  And he is, by far, his own worst critic.  These are things that Kurt cannot fix for him, and while Kurt can continue to love and support him, Blaine himself has to reach a belief that he is a worthy individual of love, support, and happiness.  

Also, because Blaine is trying so hard to make life perfect for Kurt, he’s not being able to make his own experience uniquely his own.  He tries to find a cute couch -- but it’s rejected (rightfully because bed bugs, but still).  He tries to make himself a space in the loft, but Kurt shuts that down.  Everything is about how Kurt thinks and feels, and because Blaine’s giving in on these things, he starts to go inward on himself, and thus they fight over dumb things.  (Kurt needs to learn how to share and compromise, Blaine needs to learn to stand up for himself and his own wants and needs.)  

As an aside, Blaine isn’t really jealous of Elliott -- that’s a bit of displaced anger.  But going to Elliott does help (wise sage that he is), and while that convo is a little weird, there is some good advice in Elliott saying you have to figure out who you are, and maybe not be so clingy.  Boundaries are good and don’t lose yourself in the relationship. 

So, about their decision to live apart -- my Kurt meta had a good paragraph: 

I’d also like to mention that Kurt isn’t really thrilled with Blaine’s idea.  He doesn’t want Blaine to leave, but he recognizes that something has to change.  Unfortunately, they’re still young and growing and don’t have the tools or experience to figure out how to fix what’s wrong.  So - in a way, I get this solution.  Blaine doesn’t know how to give Kurt emotional space - so let’s try physical instead.  

Blaine wants to fix the situation, so it’s no surprise that Blaine is the one to comp up with the solution.  It’s not great (honestly, they should have moved out and found their own place but alas tv show logic), but it’ll have to work for now.  Blaine is more interested in salvaging his relationship the only way he can try to.  Unfortunately there are some other, bigger issues going on, but for now, they’ve come up with something that might help.  

Bash

It’s a shame we don’t get more Blaine during this episode, because I think it’s really important.  There’s a story here about the frustrations a gay couple can have when one of them is going through a major trauma, and the other can only sit and wait to see how it turns out -- adding in outside factors such as, hospitals not allowing the partner to visit because they aren’t legally “family”.  

So, one of Blaine’s biggest fears is losing Kurt.  And this time he does to an external power.  Blaine, who likes to control things just about as much as Kurt, feels like he should be able to protect Kurt no matter what, and comes out of this episode feeling like it’s his duty to do that.  

You see, Blaine doesn’t think he’ll survive very well if anything ever happened to Kurt, and kind of ignoring the fact that Kurt kinda jumped into the fight himself, Blaine decides that he’ll do everything in his power to ‘save’ him.  Problem is, that’s not at all what Kurt wants or needs....  Which will be discussed more in the next episode. 

Meanwhile, Blaine manages to piss off Carmen Tibideaux with he and Rachel’s little duet idea.  Not liking anyone mad at him, he does go retake the final (or whatever it is), and pours his own fears and sadness into the song.  I do kind of wonder if Blaine’s involvement in this is a slight nod that Blaine won’t be finishing his college career at NYADA.  (Which is fine - the school is utter shit.) 

Tested

Okay, god.  Here’s the Kurt Meta because this is one really complicated episode that I won’t do justice in the little blurb I’m going to write here.  There’s A LOT going on, and it’s helpful in understanding the story as a whole, and I do write about both their sides in the Kurt Meta. 

So, here we are -- Blaine is trying to make Kurt’s New York life and experience perfect, and he kind of ignores his own.  But, he is indulging himself (as young people in new places often do) and not taking care of his physical health either.  He does gain some weight (or Glee tries to suggest that he does), and this latches on to his insecurities from before.  

A lot of this episode’s issues comes down to identity --- Blaine saw himself as the White Knight in Shiny Armor -- the one who protected Kurt from Karofsky, and made him smile.  The one who was the prince who got to give the other prince the Happily Ever After.  The problem, though, is all of this is magical fairy tale talk that doesn’t work in the real world.  

Kurt isn’t a delicate flower who needs rescuing.  He is very physically fit, and is seen as attractive by other people.  And Kurt is trying to find his own, individual identity that isn’t solely connected to Blaine.  All of this activates Blaine’s major insecurity about being rejected -- about not being loved enough.  He doesn’t understand that he doesn’t have to be the person who another person needs for them to love him.  He can just be the person who someone wants.  But Blaine has a very hard time with this concept.  His value of himself is wrapped up in how much he thinks he’s needed, which of course, causes all the problems.  

What’s making it worse is that Blaine begins to manipulate the situation -- trying to make Kurt ‘need’ him again, which is very unhealthy (don’t do that guys!).  But also starts to do what he always does, and we see a repeat of the issues had back in season 3/4.  Blaine starts to pull away physically because he fears he’s not good enough, and in turn, Kurt pulls away emotionally, and it’s just a downward spiral that they keep doing.  

The thing that Blaine is not doing is expressing how he actually feels to Kurt.  When he finally does that at the end of the episode, when he reaches out and says ‘hey I need help’ Kurt is finally there for him.  (Yes, Kurt is still pissed, but at the end of the day, Kurt is not wrong about the fact that he’ll never stop loving blaine -- no matter what happens.)  The problem is, no matter how many times Kurt can say it, or even show it, until Blaine actually trusts him, it’s never going to work.  

As an aside -- one of the reasons I think the second break up actually was good for them, is that Blaine learns how to love himself, and live with himself, after Kurt’s gone.  He’s too attached to defining his self worth based on what Kurt thinks of him -- and that’s not healthy.

(Also, I encourage you to read the Tested Meta -- there is so much to dig into in this episode!) 

Opening Night

There really isn’t much Blaine in this episode - but we do see him use his acts of service love language towards Rachel.  Usually, she’s much better in her response, though.  

I also want to point out that it’s Blaine’s idea to go to the gay bar.  I’m all for Blaine starting to learn where his places in the city are.  Makes me wonder if Kurt and Blaine frequented there together, of this was a Blaine only thing.  Hmm.  

The Back-Up Plan

So... the June Dolloway stuff.  Okay.  

June plays to Blaine’s romantic ideals of what life as a successful performer would be.  And, as we’ve talked about, Blaine’s self worth is based on the idea of how much people need him (or want to use him).  So, he kind of falls into June’s trap, and lets her try to mould him into who she thinks he is.  The problem is, that entails getting rid of Kurt.  But a big part of who Blaine is - is loving Kurt.  

There’s also the issue of competition again (which came up in Tested, too) that I kind of roll my eyes at.  I’m not going to say that Hollywood, or the performing arts, isn’t competitive.  Because it is, in a lot of ways.  However, I feel like media and society are often the ones pushing that narrative.  You can be successful and still support your friends and love ones.  

There’s an entire conversation to be had about how art is subjective, and this idea that this painting is better than that one is just kind of stupid, so all of these fancy awards for things are really, often times, just rich or powerful people stating what they think is the “best” and puts a false equivalency on things that can’t or shouldn’t be pit next to each other.  

So, this whole idea that Blaine is ‘winning’ because June picked him is just -- whatever, Glee.  The thing that I do like, however, is the fact that, despite Kurt being disappointed in the situation, he is still supportive of Blaine and his career.  The thing that I think is a bit contrived is Blaine’s eagerness to please everyone leads him to lie to Kurt instead of be honest about what’s going on with June.  But alas, television. 

However, as we’ve talked about earlier -- Blaine’s ultimate goal is to make everyone happy at the expense of his own happiness, so it isn’t out of nowhere that Blaine would try to please June and Kurt at the same time, in an attempt to ‘fix’ everything before someone rejects him. 

Old Dogs, New Tricks

So... this episode really isn’t about Blaine or the Klaine issues at all.  Chris was perhaps wise (and maybe mandated a little) not to even get into it.  

The thing, though, we do see is that Blaine’s spending a lot of time on his fantasy career ideas with June.  He does recognize that Kurt isn’t really happy with life, and while the Klaine issues will eventually hit the fan, that’s not what this episode is about.  It’s about Kurt trying to find his own place, and make his own happiness, when everyone around him is becoming more successful.  It’s really not Blaine’s issue -- and I’m glad Chris didn’t make it out to be.  

Instead, Blaine plays the supportive partner here, and while they do need to work more of their shit out, I’m glad they do get a softer, and more emotionally aware moment here.  

The Untitled Rachel Berry Project

So, Kurt mentions in this episode that he and Blaine have had some long conversations about their relationship.  And while I’m sure that’s true (probably a lot after Tested), I do have to wonder if Blaine wasn’t listening as well as he should have been.  I think, in order to preserve things, Blaine probably nodded along, and took more notes on how to be the world’s perfect boyfriend, while maybe not actually comprehending some of the issues Kurt laid out.  All the while, I’m guessing that Blaine didn’t express many of his wants or needs, in order to not rock the boat.  Unfortunately, all of this holding back, on both their parts, comes back to haunt them. 

The big lie comes out, that Kurt isn’t in the showcase, and this plays a lot on Kurt’s insecurities, partly about being a failed performer, and a lot about his trust issues with Blaine from the last time they broke up.  Blaine is the type of guy who tries to make everything perfect until he literally can’t anymore, and he’s left there being forced to tell the truth, even though he knows it’ll hurt himself and Kurt.  And while this, normally, would be a minor thing, because of their past history -- this self-imposed forced disappointment is what he expects.  Because he believes that sooner or later, he’s going to eventually disappoint everyone he loves, and they will eventually leave him.  

The thing is -- Blaine has a tendency to push people away, because he thinks that’s what he deserves.  But interestingly, Kurt comes back to him -- and they talk about it.  

And, I’m just gonna quote my Kurt Meta cause I don’t feel like writing it all out, but the Klaine scene here is important! 

So - yeah, let’s break this down…  Kurt’s pretty stiff when he comes to Blaine, arms crossed, looking forward out at the birds and not at Blaine.  He’s thought through is anger, but these kind of conversations are still hard for Kurt.  But then there’s Blaine – who outright says to him that the showcase doesn’t mean anything without Kurt – that /Kurt/ is more important to him than his career.  And Kurt visibly relaxes when he hears this.  Because its confirmation of something he does already know – that Blaine really does love him.  He seems to fuck it up, but he loves him.  And it’s something Kurt really did need to hear again.  

(Obviously vise versa needs to happen, too, but more on that in a second.)

So - Kurt goes on talking about birds, and builds this elaborate metaphor around them – about how taking a step out of the nest is freakin’ scary, but you can’t stay in that nest forever – at some point you have to trust that you can fly.  And even if you fall and hit the ground, you have to keep on trying.  

Well, Kurt comes to the smart conclusion that relationships are like his bird metaphor – you can’t have a relationship unless there is implicit trust there as a foundation.  And he’s learned, the hard way, that yeah, sometimes one of them is going to fuck up and they will hit the ground like a stone, but if you hold on to your faith that it’ll be all fine in the end – that you can help each other out keep that solid foundation, it’ll be okay.  Because at the end of the day, you can’t ever be 100% that someone won’t hurt you again, you can’t control anyone else but yourself (oohh and Kurt letting go of complete control is huge - HUGE).  

And yeah, yeah this little speech is nice and all but what about what’s about to happen? What about the second break up?  Do you guys remember in Dance With Somebody when Blaine says to Kurt - if you’re unhappy talk to me don’t cheat on em?  Well - this is almost the inverse of that.  Kurt says to Blaine that you don’t even know if or when someone’s going to break that trust – and this is true, because yeah, Kurt is going to fuck it up not that long after this conversation.  

But this is a resolution to the original issue back in season 4 – Kurt’s finally understanding that in order for this thing to work, he has to choose to trust Blaine.  Blaine can’t instill that in him – it’s something Kurt has to do for himself.  And for better or worse, he does choose to trust Blaine, to love Blaine, to let Blaine in implicitly.  Blaine has been desperately trying to break through Kurt’s shell since the whole cheating incident, get back into that place in Kurt’s heart.  But what Blaine doesn’t know - or realize - and what Kurt’s just figuring out himself, is that it’s not about Blaine’s ability – it’s about Kurt allowing it to happen.  

Kurt doesn’t let people into his world, past is exterior, implicitly into his heart – but on a smaller scale, this whole June ordeal kind of just puts things into perspective.  Yeah – he was mad about Blaine’s lie – but he realizes that the way Kurt was acting about it, he was going to be hurt either way.  And he can be mad and be angry, but at the end of the day, they all have choices to make, and Kurt makes the decision to still stand by Blaine through the hard stuff as well as the easy stuff.  

(But what about season 6? Well – we’ll talk about that when we get there ;))

I will say this – Kurt never breaks his promise about loving Blaine no matter what.  Even through the stupidity of the second breakup, it’s really not because he doesn’t love Blaine.  That’ll always be apart of him, and the more they go on, the more he understands his own heart will always feel that way.  

Meanwhile – Kurt actually can be (gasp) a loving and supportive partner.  Yeah, it’s hard on him to feel unwanted by June – he’s been fighting that fight since forever.  But he is proud of Blaine, wants Blaine to fly incredibly high – and much like way back when in season 3 with Tony – he’ll be there giving Blaine flowers and telling him how amazing he is.  Which is reassurance that Blaine needs, but doesn’t always get.  

(I realize that’s mostly Kurt’s POV - but it covers what’s going on with Blaine, too.)  

The thing though, while Kurt’s learning what it means to trust again, Blaine really just wants everything to be fine.  And gives in to Kurts wants and needs immediately.  The one problem, really, that’s still lingering is the fact that Blaine is still only defining himself through his relationship, and that’s not good, and is part of the reason Kurt’s going to pull away, and ultimately break up with him, the second time.  

But, we do end the season on a happy note.  Blaine, feeling the love and support from Kurt, is able to stand up to June, and is able to have a moment for himself, where he gets to express his true self, in the form of showing everyone his love for Kurt at the showcase.  We also get a moment of a small step forward when Kurt let’s Blaine have a bit of the loft -- a small space to call his own.  

Yes, ultimately it’s going to break down again, but it’s a first step.  By the end of the season, Blaine and Kurt have started to learn what being in a real, adult relationship is like, but ultimately, for Blaine, he needs to learn to be okay with himself first and foremost, and that is what Season 6 was about... 

If you’d like to continue on, here’s the Season 6 Blaine Meta! 

I know there are things I didn’t get into -- like Blaine’s relationship with Sam, but idk, I don’t think there was much to pick apart there.  

If you guys have any questions on specific things, let me know! :) 

[hikari-writes]

❅A Love Letter I Have to My Lovely and Beloved Friends❅

(I just know that 30 july was a national friendship day and today is like 31 july already at where I am but,,, just pretend that this is also for National Friendship Day 🤡🔫)

As you all know, it's been confirmed that I'll be going on a hiatus two days from now that I really don't know how long it will go on. So, with that in mind, I wished to leave this message to all the wonderful friends I've made while I was active here on Tumblr during quarantine.

I've started this writing blog a few months ago, to be precise, on May where life in quarantine was starting to become a norm. In the few months until now, I did my best to start writing and drawing more using all the free times that I have.

I wouldn't have expected this blog to grow so much in such a short time. To me, it was really mind blowing, seeing that there's a lot of other great content creators here on Tumblr. Yet, the 300+ people who stumbled upon my blog still decided to follow me.

I was really happy to have made many contents that I'm actually proud of posting. And I still can't believe there are people out there who love them. Seeing every one of your comments and reblogs and likes really, really, squeezed my heart and I couldn't be more thankful for your support.

And during these fun times, I was able to make friends with many amazing, talented, fantastic and all the good words I could find in the dictionary people on here. You all are a real gift to me and I hold you guys close to my heart.

I still can't believe I was able to befriend you guys though, like, y'all are so amazing and I was just here like squeaking my name to you like a shy mice lmao. =///= Anyways, thank you for all the good and fun times. Thank you for being with me and helping me with lots of things. Just, thank you for everything. (I'm writing this at 1am like it's sad hours yall I'm crying :')))

If you are ever feeling down, do not ever forget that, even if it's only me, I'll support you to the end of the world because you're just so amazing and fantastic. I love you and never let any hate that's thrown at you let you down because they aren't worth your time.

The people I'll be mentioning below are my dear friends or just people that I have been interacting with during the times I was online, little or not, I still consider you guys to be my friends (very self-proclaimed here sorry)and I'm still honoured by that fact.

@your-local-bnha-writer -Bean, you and your posts are always so wholesome and cute and I love them. Keep being amazing, and we may not interact much, but I still appreciate every little convos we had. Also, wish you luck on tpn, that shit hurted :')

@identifybby -Liaaaa, omg im so v v grateful we became friends. You've helped me with a tons of things and I can't thank you enough for everything you've done to me. You're just so amazing and thank you for always putting up with me, i love you sm.

@minteasketches -Mintea! You're such an amazing artist and I rlly enjoyed our conversations! You might not see this since you're off socmed but just wanna let u know that thank u for being my friends.

@yandere-of-your-dreams -Heyyy sis,, you're always such a sweet bean to me and showering me w love and i appreciate them, stay amazing and I'm sure you'll become an amazing writer.

@shotobabe -Ren, wifey, ilysm thank u for always being with me. You're such an awesome person and keep on being yourself. You're perfect and talented, don't let others tell you otherwise. AND while I'm gone, don't forget to drink lots of water okay? I won't be able to remind you while I'm on a hiatus, but please always remember to drink water. That'd be the first thing I'll ask you once I'm able to be online. And please try to eat more okay bb? I love u.

@takumipineapplexd -Taku! Amazing writer and amazing editor, yes I'm talking about you. You're amazing and keep on making cursed content and being crackhead, i love them.

@bnhabadass -We might not talk much, but I just want to let you know that you're so amazing and I look up to u v much. Literally had a heart attack when u commented on angel wings lmao.

@tomomoni -Mon, love, soft bean, I LOVE U. You've always been so wholesome and cute to every one of your followers and seeing ur interactions literally heals my heart. Your art is amazing so continue being amazing ilysm thank u for being an amazing advisor and listener, I'm v grateful for that. You have no idea how blessed I am to have you as a friend. Meeting you through turn on your airdrop's fanart was F A T E.

@kamabukokompachiro -First time u asked my permission to read my fanfic, I legit teared up. Thank u sm for asking, I couldn't be happier to know that my fic is worthy to be read over for a yt channel. Keep on being amazing and ily.

@kaminii -Kamiiiii, sweet child, you're always so matured and calm and I really adore and respect that part of you (unlike me im v childish and rash) You're an amazing writer and editor and ur aesthetic? 100/10. Love it. You're so talented despite being so young and I'm just, WOW. Ily and thank u for being friends w me. And please fix your sleeping schedule bb. It's rlly not good for your health, like please? Ily.

@katsucutie -I love you and your writing so v much, and I rlly enjoyed talking to you, discussing about Burn Book was rlly fun. I might not be able to know the ending since im gonna go on a hiatus but I'll be sure to catch up to it once im back. Keep being amazing and awesome.

@isolshi -CHERIE, I LOVE YOU AND YOU'RE AMAZING. Don't be so insecure about your writing. They're amazing. And you're also one of the sweetest and cute person I've met here. I always love teasing you cause your reaction is always so funny and cute. Keep being awesome. And please, please, please get enough sleep and drink LOTS of water. I legit would cry if you don't drink more water cher.

@mirakeul -BIANCAAAAA LOVE YOU'RE SO AMAZING AND SWEET LiKE--- please, I love talking to you and thank you so much for always reminding me to eat. Your calligraphy and handwriting are awesome, shshh i don't take criticism. Never stop writing, I love them. And please never forget I love you and you're my best friend okay?

@roxybefab -You've always been the first to ask me to be on my taglist and I'm so v happy because of that. Thank you for everything, and keep on being awesome. You can do this, ily.

@princessofdawn718 -Talking to you about Hamefura has been so fun! I haven't talked w many ppl about isekai so im rlly glad I could talk about them w you. Katarina x nicol ftw! Thanks for talking to me, it was such a pleasure rlly.

@softkodzuken -Maam your writing is A M A Z I N G. I love anon sm and you're rlly so sweet for always replying to every single comment on them. Don't be so insecure about them, they're amazing and i will always stand by that point. Wishing you the best of luck for Undercover!

@lolitsleia -Your art is *chef's kiss* i love them so much, I still can't believe you hadn't had more recognition like why?? Ur oc alex is the cutest thing ever and i love her. Thank you again for drawing Yuki. She looked really beautiful and cute in your drawing.

@samanthaa-leanne -We may not talk much, but when you first followed me back, my heart goes B O O M. You're so amazing and keep being like that. And uh,, good luck with Violet Evergarden if you ever plan to watch it. Prepare a couple of tissue boxes....or dozens.

@miyumtwins -Fellow android users! I first saw you through Bean's post about a tag game and i was like *gasp* another androiders..! I swear that one time i was interacting w you, I didn't actually meant to go off anon,, yes im dumb lmao. Anyways, you're rlly amazing and I'm rlly honoured to be followed by you.

@kawasuno -Your smau? 100/10. Your sense of humour 100/10. They're just so perfect *chef's kiss* I love every one of your updates and they always managed to put a smile on my face, i was like, how did you do that? My sense of humour is nonexistant, teach me your ways sensei. But anyways, you're rlly amazing and awesome. Keep up w that.

@kukusbabe -Tsu, I've never said this, but it's you. It's always been you all along. What i mean is, I've followed you first (i knew u through zara's flopping server yeah!) And when i looked at my dash and saw all your interactions w your moots, despite me haven't legally started haikyuu yet, i decided to follow all of them, soooo if it's not for you, we may not have met each other. Everyone in the kita family, Tsu is the MVP here muah. Also your aesthethic and writing and everything is so kajsjhendnd amazing i LOvE---

@iwaixiumi -King Nami, you're so awesome and amazing,, and I'm really glad to be able to interact w you. All those songs you recommend? Yeah, I'm going to listen and love all of them, thank u so much for the recs. Keep being amazing and to everyone reading this, PLEASE INTERACT WITH KING NAMI MORE SHE DOESN'T BITE---

@shoutodoki -Hello, you're so amazing and talented and im just,,, kekkdjfjdj when you followed me--- and when u figured out i was the anon talking about oboro i was OAKSJEJDDJ please, i was so honoured u know, like ???? Anyways, keep on writing what you love and your art maam? THEY'RE AMAZING LIKE BOTH YOUR ART AND WRITING IS SO KAJSJDJDN pliS im so v honoured to be able to talk to you.

@lisarillia -Please excuse me while I go shout in the corner of how much i LOVE your arts. They're amazing and being able to talk to you was a real pleasure. Keep on doing what you love. They'll be amazing no matter what i swear.

@cutiedrawsbnha -Cutie, honey, you're amazing and your art is so cute! Don't let what haters said get to you. You're going to grow into an amazing artist. If you give in and listen to what they said, you're going to end up like what they said so ignore them honey! I believe in you so keep shipping izuocha, todomomo, and kamijirou and making arts. Lotsa love!

@lilikags -Heeyyyy you sweet cute innocent bean! Don't ever stop writing what you love, you'll grow into a big blog soon enough, before you know it. Just keep making what you love, and as time pass by, I'm sure there will be many people who will find appreciate everything you do. I'm always supporting you.

@baeshijima -SOPHHHHH YOU SWEET CUTE CINNAMON ROLL WAKATOSHI'S WIFE EYE--- You have NO idea how much i love you,, you're so sweet and I honestly don't know what did i do to deserve you. Srsly you're a blessing to me. Thank you for the sweet daily reminder in my inbox, i love each and every one of them. Keep being so cute and wholesome, love you.

@shinsuque -ANAAAAA Thanks again for the Bakugou's memes! I may not be able to do it before i go on a hiatus though *sobbing* Keep being so awesome! I love seeing all your interactions and you're so amazing i honestly don't know why you followed me----

@semiluvr -LYDIA *SOBBING* THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR INVITING ME TO THE KITA FAMILY. Even though we've known each other in less than a week, it already felt like I had known you guys for so long like whotttt. Keep being an amazing and sweet person ily muah

@dumbass-lev -MOMMY, MUI, ILY THANK U FOR ALWAYS BEING SO SWEET YOU'RE AMAZING,,, u have no idea how happy (and also flustered) I am when i saw you asking you want to adopt me like,,, whot I've never been asked to be adopted online b4 so you asking that was a big surprise to me and just,,, remember that i love you and you're an amazing mommy. Hope i wasn't too much too handle as your child lol and thank u, for asking to invite me to the server. It has been a real pleasure to me to be there.

@pudding-head-kenma -DANIE!! We haven't talked much and I've only known you for a short time but I really love your detailed analysis. They're amazing and you're amazing. Thank you for being so sweet and cute. Ily.

@/🦋 nonoi -🦋 NONOIIII!!! IF YOU'RE SEEING THIS, I JUST WANNA TELL YOU THANK YOU FOR BEING MY EMOJI ANON! I love you you're so sweet and bb please please please don't forget me id cry,,,

@astereim -Rein!!! I know we just talked and all but you seem to be a reaally cool and amazing person,, we might not be able to interact much since I need to go prepare things b4 i go on my hiatus though, but just wanna let u know that ily!

@tokoyamis-luv -please don't come for my neck i haven't been active on the server Lol but anyways, zara, you're amazing and your simping for Kurapika is always fun to watxh. Also all the lin manuel edits are *chef's kiss* we may not talk much but i was rlly honoured to be able to interact w you, even a little bit.

@engel-hageshii - YOU, MAAM are a literal angel, and your comments on my fics always managed to make me smile so much. I love you, please never stop being such a sweetheart.

@laylahoran -I've always loved and appreciate every comments you make. I'm v happy I was able to create a content that you can love. You and engel has been some of my firsts followers and I'm really blessed to have you two.

@oyasenpai -Diemmy! You're so sweet and cute and seeing your interaction w my moots (kami) was what made me follow you. Don't let what others said bring you down, okay? Just do what you want because there're always many people supporting you for it.

Special message to the kita family server;

Meanwhile while you guys were talking about me there, I was just innocently scrolling through Tumblr, not knowing what kind of fate I'll be receiving 👁👄👁 No wonder I was sneezing so much 🤧🤧🤧

So, I was just scrolling through the pinned messages and I saw tsu said "mui: can we invite hikari? Everyone here: kakskejdjdjdn" and i was just like,,, ??????? I wasn't expecting u guys to have that kind of reaction i--- yall have no idea how much i was grinning while I scroll through those messages. Thank you so much for inviting and accepting me, it's really fun to be with you guys and your crackhead energy 🥰🥰 Thank you to mui for suggesting you had no idea I was really really happy. 😭 Y'all are so amazing and sweet and cute and beautiful kakjdjdd

To all of my dear friends that I've mentioned above, I LOVE YOU LOTS YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GRATEFUL I AM TO MET YOU GUYS. Quarantine time has been stressful for a lot of people, and Tumblr can sometimes (a lot of times) be kinda whack but I was really happy to met you guys during my time here. Our time together may have been short, but i feel like we've known each other for more than a year, no caps. I love you all very very much. Thank you for talking to me and befriending me. Remember to get enough sleep, drink lots of water, stay safe and healthy, eat enough meals and, take care of yourself. I love you guys.

And lastly, to everyone reading this, whether i know you or not, or interacted with you or not, or follow you or not, or you follow me or not, just REMEMBER that you are worth it and I love you. Keep on being awesome, and always remember to smile, laugh and live. Don't forget to always DRINK LOTS OF WATER, GET ENOUGH SLEEP, and EAT ENOUGH MEALS.

Signing off,

Hikari.

[fromzerotoeuphoria]

The Way Haru Gets Sentimental When He’s with Rin

This is gonna be a long one, so I put the rest under the cut. There's just so much to say about RinHaru and how they get all cute and sweet when they're together ^_^ Hope you guys enjoy this as much as I did writing it!

✧ ✧ ✧

So I noticed in the Drama CDs and some of the character interviews that Haru readily gets sentimental when he’s with Rin; you’d think that, sensitive crybaby that he is, it’d be Rin who would initiate the sentimentality, but surprisingly, oftentimes it’s Haru getting all up in his feels while Rin is the chill one.

And coming from a non-expressively sentimental person as Haru, I die and come back to life every time these moments happen because they’re just way. too. PRECIOUS 💜 I don’t know what it is about Rin, but for whatever reason Haru is just more open with his sentimental emotions with him—it’s like Rin brings out the “romantic” in Haru ^_^

For example, from the BD Extra Rin and Haruka Special Talk:

Rin: Yeah, those guys, in the time I hadn’t seen them they’ve become much more senpai like.

Haruka: I don’t really know how to say it but, I feel like our feelings and bonds will be passed down forever……

Rin: Haha, you’ve become sentimental huh?

Haha, Rin even calls Haru out on his sentimentality! Haru randomly texts Rin to tell him he left his water bottle at Haru’s place when they were hanging out with each other. As Haru can’t type to save his life, he ends up calling Rin and they start chatting about the All Japan Selection and the after party. Not exactly a sentimental conversation, and yet still Haru openly gets all tender and feelsy. We don’t often witness Haru get all like this, so seeing him do so in a random convo with Rin is so adorable and really highlights how their relationship is something special (and not just a rivalry like some people try to make it out to be).

We get another display of it in the RinHaru Character Song Duet Series Drama, Track 3:

Haruka: The futon’s over there. Lay it out yourself.

Rin: …Are you even listening to me?

Haruka: Or do you want to sleep together in the bed again like old times?

“Or do you want to sleep together in the bed again like old times?” FOLKS THE WAY I TOTALLY LOST IT WHEN I FIRST HEARD THIS DRAMA OMGGG. Haru is canonly offering Rin to share the bed with him. Like they used to before. And Haru isn’t being facetious about it, listen to the way Haruka says this line and you’ll hear how he was 100% sincere in his offer. And Haru strikes me to be the type that isn’t all that touchy-feely, so for him to offer someone to share a bed with him is just…not a normal Haru thing to do. But he offers so to Rin and like PEOPLE. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS ACTUALLY CANON AHAHAHAHA I’M THRIVING XD.

And then on top of “wanna sleep together?” (as if that wasn’t enough death for us), we have a very caring Haru pulling a Mamakoto and asking Rin a bunch of questions to make sure he’s good:

Rin: Oh. Thanks for pulling out the futon.

Haruka: You didn’t bring your pillow?

Rin: As if I would.

Haruka: Will you be able to get to sleep?

Rin: Don’t make fun of me.

Haruka: Are you leaving early tomorrow morning?

Rin: I’ll be waking up at 6 to go for a jog before I go. If I miss even a day’s training, it affects my performance.

Haruka: Then I’ll run with you.

[more sentimental-when-with-Rin Haru under the cut ⬇️ #bless]

Haru is firing off all these questions to Rin, asking him if he’s gonna be able to sleep without his pillow, wanting to know when he’s gonna leave in the morning, telling Rin that he’s gonna run with him in the morning so he can spend as much time with Rin as he can before Rin even has a chance to offer Haru to run with him. We get a glimpse of clingy!Haru, and the way we see this side of him come out around Rin (is too adorable) says so much. Haru is so involved—and you have to listen to the audio to really experience the way Haru is asking these questions, for you can hear just how concerned about and interested in Rin he is. 

[Haru quietly enters his bedroom. RIN is sleeping]

Haruka: [smiles] Good night, Rin.

This part killed and then resurrected me, omg HOW AM I EVEN ALIVE?? Haru not only takes a moment to smile while watching Rin sleep (you literally hear the pause and Haru’s little laugh in the audio), the way he whispers “Goodnight, Rin” is so soft and caring; Haru sounds so content and happy to have Rin back in his life, just like old times, and it’s too much for my soft RinHaru heart to handle 😩.

​The impression I got from this entire drama cd track is that Haru is just so happy to have Rin back in his life, but not only just back in his life, but back as a friend. After all these years and heartache, they’ve reconciled, reunited, and they’re doing things like they used to back in elementary school. We know that Rin’s friendship in elementary school meant a whole lot to Haru (just watch Starting Days, read High Speed 2 and rewatch all of Season 1 if you want to doubt that), and now the two of them can resume that precious friendship. Haru’s whole demeanor and actions read as excitement, contentment, and a touch of anxiousness that he and Rin and doing things together again like they used to—Rin spending the night at his place being one of those things. 

I’m sure Haru felt a little anxious about it all, similarly to how someone finally gets that thing they’ve been yearning for and wants to make sure it’s taken care of. We see it in his “clinginess”, in the way he offers Rin his favorite t-shirt, in the way offers Rin to share the bed with him; we see it in the way Haru fires off questions wanting to know if Rin’s gonna sleep well and when he’s leaving in the morning. It’s the way someone who lost someone they cherish but gets them back in their life would act—it’s attentiveness and anxiousness, eagerness and contentment and wanting to spend as much time with the person as they can. 

There was also a brief but still very cute Sentimental Haru moment in the Free! Illustration Works CD Drama, Track 8: A Promise of Rainbows

MAKOTO: The four of us swimming together like this reminds me of our days in the swimming club. Like how Rin tried to make rainbows while we were playing in the pool.

NAGISA: That sure brings me back.

MAKOTO: Rin back then was a lot more open about his emotions.

RIN: Lay off it. […]

[(Makoto and Nagisa) jump into the pool, leaving Rin and Haru standing on the side]

HARUKA: Rin.

RIN: Hm? What?

HARUKA: …Make rainbows again, okay? [jumps in]

RIN: Make them?

NAGISA: Rin-chan, come on in!

RIN: …Heh. Okay. I’ll make rainbows for you.

Again, you really have to listen to the audio track in order to fully appreciate the softly tender way Haru tells Rin to make rainbows again. And the fact that Haru waits until it’s just the two of them to say this to Rin makes it extra intimate and special.

​

Also in the Free! DF Drama Cd, we see Haru’s sentimental side crash right into the party, no invitation needed (Track 10 - Haruka and Rin’s Drive):

Rin: There’s… still another 3 hours until we reach the training camp. You can sleep if you want, Haru.

Haruka: You’re such a rough driver that I’m too worried to fall asleep.

Rin: Heh, speak for yourself.

Haruka: Besides…

Rin: Huh?

Haruka: This is the only time we can talk properly.

You guys already know how I lost my mind over this drama cd track (if you like to witness my meltdown, you can do so here) for this entire drama is everything and more. Haru would rather spend the long drive to “talk properly” with Rin instead of sleeping, since it’s one of the only chances they’ll get. It’s so sweet and shows that Haru does value the time he gets to spend with Rin, whether it’s swimming-related or not.

Haruka: What is it like living in Sydney?

Rin: It’s pretty good. I train with my friends every day, then we go eat after training.

Haruka: So you made new friends there.

Rin: Yeah. There’s David, Chris, Johann, my coach Mikhail, and many more.

Haruka: Were you able to see a sight you’ve never seen before with these friends?

Rin: Eh? I wonder… I probably did see it, but…nothing compares to the sight I saw when swam with you and the others, I don’t think. What about you, Haru?

Haruka: Same here.

So the guys are just chatting about their life in Tokyo and Australia when suddenly, Haru brings up the “sight you’ve never seen before” motif. Both Rin and Haru cherish that “sight” they saw together, the one that Rin promised to show Haru during their first ever relay as a team. For Rin, “Nothing compares” to it and Haru agrees. (Also, can we please appreciate how Haru wants to know if Rin’s new friends can show him that “sight?” Hahaha Haru, luv, your jealousy is showing).

Rin: Let’s nap for an hour?

Haruka: Okay.

Rin: Do you know how to put down your seat?

Haruka: Right here?

Rin: Yeah.

(silence)

Haruka: This reminds me, around this time last year, we slept together like this, Rin.

Rin: Huh? …oh you mean the hotel in Sydney?

Haruka: My whole world changed since that day.

AHAHAHAHA omg—Rin is all, “Great let’s sleep” and after a few moments of silence, Haru’s suddenly goes “REMEMBER WHEN WE SLEPT LIKE THIS TOGETHER IN THE BED RIN??? IT WAS LAST YEAR AND RIGHT NOW TOTALLY REMINDS ME OF HOW WE SLEPT TOGETHER LIKE THIS IN THE HOTEL ROOM” KSSFKSDKDKK I’m CACKLING, omg Haru’s too much 😂 Rin’s tryign to sleep and out of the blue Haru starts reminiscing on RinHaruralia and how they slept together and he wants Rin to reminisce too 😂 Haru’s so sentimental around Rin it’s so friggin precious. And Rin’s just all “YAWN oh yeah…the hotel YAWNS” and I imagine Haru with his hands behind his head, reclining in his seat and smiling up at the stars through the windshield as he says “Yeah and my entire world’s been changed ever since that day we slept together like this Rin.” People this drama cd is too much omg.

Haruka: I want to… swim relay again.

Rin: Let’s swim together. But on the world stage this time! I don’t know what the team will be like, though.

Haruka: Yeah. One day, definitely.

Haruka: Rin?

Haruka: He’s asleep.

Haruka: One day, definitely, we’ll see a sight we’ve never seen before again.

THE END

~

Sentimental Haru is too precious for this world. I love that when RinHaru is together, our sensitive and quick-to-tears shark prince is the one who’s all chill and laid-back while it’s Haru—the prince of bare-minimum expressiveness—is the nostalgic, sappy one. Do you see what these two bring out in each other? They complement each other in such a dynamic and interesting way, it’s lots of fun to watch/hear them together, especially now that they’re friends again (though they’re entertaining to watch as rivals, too).

Before I end this, I’d like to leaves some quotes about Rin’s effect on Haru from KoyAni staffs/the actors:

“Haruka can’t ignore Rin, he’s concerned for Rin, and of course he loves Rin–that’s the kind of existence Rin is to him.” — Shimazaki Nobunaga {x}

“Haruka rarely shows emotion and uses water as his reason to live. However, when Rin appears in his life, his entire world changes.” — Producer Shinichiro Hatta {x}

“The one who is always able to *stir feelings in Haru’s heart is Rin.” — Nobunga Shimazaki, cast interview in the Haruka and Rin Mook

(*Other translations for “stir feelings” included fire up/arouse/put in motion) [translation via: hinalilly]

​

It’s never too late to jump aboard the SS RinHaru, people. We have cherry blossoms and loosy-kun t-shirts—oh, and a whole lot of canon material to feast on 😉 

[caranfindel]

Recap/review 15.17: “Unity”

THEN: Chuck is destroying all his worlds. Dean tricked Amara into going along with their plan. Empty!Meg is on Billie's side because she just wants to go back to sleep. (Don't we all, dear.) Billie wants Dean to be ready. Dean finally told Sam the truth and Sam was MAD.

NOW: Amara is enjoying a hot pool and a glass of wine in Reykjavik, Iceland. (She's pretending to read but there's no way she can see that book. Although I guess she could have super vision. Why not? And I'm sure the book itself is significant and maybe I'll look that up later but let's face it, I probably won't.) Her glorious view of the Milky Way is punctuated by what seems to be a falling star. But there are more and more and more and she knows what it really is. "Welcome home, brother."

Title card!

Bunker. Sam is on the phone with Cas, who just found out a possible lead in the "Basilica of Guadalupe" was useless. I wonder if he means the Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe in Mexico? A 35-hour drive from Lebanon? "That's all right," Sam says. "We'll find a way." {Sidebar: Eternal optimism or simple bullheaded refusal to accept the inevitable truth? Discuss.} Dean enters and asks if that was Cas, but Sam doesn't answer.

So, this is how it's gonna be? You're gonna give me the silent treatment?

I'm not sure what you want me to say.

That you get it. Like I said, killing Amara, Jack, dying, that's the only way.

Sam huffs and imitates Dean: "The only way. Our one shot. Our last chance. You ever get tired of saying stuff like that?" The guys are interrupted by a noise, and I'm just going to stop here for a minute, because I need to talk about Sam's anger. Sam's delicious anger. Apparently some people thought it was inappropriate for Sam to be so mad at Dean last week. At least that's what I read on the Tumblr. I'm sure no one reading this post feels that way. I mean, anyone who found Sam's anger inappropriate would have stopped reading my crap a long time ago, right? I just don't get it. This isn't an "I can see both sides" situation. Dean withheld information from Sam - lied to Sam - and I know they've both lied to each other before, but this was something catastrophic involving someone he loves. And when confronted, Dean doubled down. He didn't say "sorry, I just couldn't bear to tell you" or "I was hoping Cas would find some other way" or "I was trying to think of a way to break it to you easy." He blamed Sam. He told Sam he wasn't qualified to have that information because he would have done something about it. And after Dean spent the entire episode whining about having no control over his life, being a hamster in a wheel, he sentenced Sam to the same fate - he told him that he didn't have the right to know about Jack because he refused to just accept that this is their destiny.

I mean, I'm not bitter or anything.

Silver lining: Dean treating Sam so horribly at least means I got some tasty, tasty Angry Sam. (Mandatory disclaimer: I love Dean. I love that he is heroic and self-sacrificing but also deeply, deeply flawed.) Moving on.

Wait. I also love that Sam's justification for the silent treatment isn't I'm punishing you or even I'm mad at you, but is literally there is nothing I can say to you. Nothing I say will mean anything to you. All right, now we're moving on. Searching for the source of the noise, the guys find - Amara! Drinking their beer! Wearing pink again, but this time it's sparkly! "We should talk," she says.

Or, you know, we could just look. Looking is good. We have a little time jump in order to gather Jack. Amara tells the boys that her brother is back, and Jack knows this means it's time. She asks how they're going to cage Chuck, and Dean lies that Jack will be able to do it. Amara hopes she and Jack can get to know each other afterward, and Jack lies that they will. He just has to complete one final ritual. Sam doesn't lie to anybody; he just stands there looking unhappy. Amara asks what she can do to help, and they cut away from any discussion of what she's going to do, but then we get this. When the time comes, we can count on you, right? Like I told you when we first met, you and I will always help each other. Awkward! The way Amara is looking at Dean, I'm pretty sure she knows he's lying, and is just waiting for him to break down. (Spoiler alert: why do I even try?) But Dean and his lying, lying eyes do not break down.

But those eyes don't exactly hide any secrets either, do they? Meanwhile, Jack is concerned that Sam is angry at him. Or disappointed. Sam manages to express both support for Jack doing the thing and a strong desire for Jack to not do the thing. "Sacrificing your life for a cause takes a lot of courage," he says."I still think it's wrong, though." OH SAM. YOU WOULD KNOW. AND YOU WOULD DO IT ANYWAY. Apparently Jack's final ritual is taking place in Santa Fe. Dean's ready to go, and says they can be there by morning. (Oh, I hope she tells us if that's possible, they said sarcastically.) Hey, anyone who doesn't want a deep dive into the logistics of Winchester travel can write their own damn recap skip this part. I think the guys actually went to Santa Fe last season? Ouroboros? Anyway, it's 10.5 hours away. 11 hours if you avoid highways, which we know Dean likes to do, although that route would take you on some mountain roads that would probably be a little much for the Impala. So yeah, depending on what time it is now, "by morning" is doable. I know you're relieved. I think the bigger question is when will Cas get back from Mexico City? (Yes, I'm sure he drove - he was standing by his blue truck. Yes, I know no one else cares.) Dean is surprised to find that Sam's not going. He accuses Sam of "taking a knee," but Sam says that's not what he's doing. He's still looking for another way. Sam, you and me, we have to do this; it's in the book. Oh, Chuck's death book, right? Come on, man! Blindly following orders, sending Amara to her death; does any of this feel right to you? It doesn't matter how we feel! You know what? Stay. Stay. But somebody's got to be the grownup here. Yeah, well, someone has to keep fighting for Jack. He knows what he signed up for! Last I checked, we don't give up on family. Jack's not family! I know how you feel about the kid, okay? I feel for him too. I do. But he's not like you. He's not like Cas. He's just not. I have to confess, I maaaayyyybeee haven't been keeping up with the A plot as much as I should have, because I wasn't aware they were actually operating from a book. (Or I was and I forgot. Stranger things have happened.) I thought this was just Billie's plan. But if it's a book, that means it was fated to happen, right? Um, like the Ma'lak box? And why isn't Sam pointing that out? Why isn't Sam saying "we've already changed one of Billie's unchangeable endings, what makes you think we can't change this one?" But, you know. That's not important. What is important are two things: 1, the way Sam reacts when Dean says "Jack's not family," and B, the fact that Jack has entered the room at some point and heard some of that. Again, awkward! How many times has Jack come up behind someone and overheard something like that? Why don't they put a bell on that poor kid? Jack says he's ready, Sam gives him a sad, broken little smile and Jack and Dean hit the road. Boy, that's gonna be an uncomfortable 11 hours.

Whatever you think about this scene, you have to admit Jared is acting the hell out of it. Bunker. Cas is back, so I guess it's been 35 hours since that phone call. "Stayed behind to find another way, huh? I would have done the same." They research together. Wooded park. Amara. Chuck shows up. A title card weirdly informs us this is Amara. Yeah, we know that. I don't really care that much about their convo. All you need to know is he wants to do a "hard reset" - another Big Bang? - and can't do it without her. But she cares about this world now and wants to protect it. He thinks humans are lame and boring, and she says "what about your first children?" and zaps him into Heaven. He's welcomed by a small, adoring group of angels, but Crystal (an angel named Crystal?) annoys him so much that he snaps them all away. Amara offers him balance, darkness and light, here on this Earth, but he's not interested. So she zaps him into the bunker, which she has made into a trap for him. Impala. Dean, says the title card, unnecessarily. (Now that I've figured out what they're doing, I'd say the odds are 50:50 that Sam will have a title card.) Dean starts to talk about what Jack heard - not necessarily to apologize, but Jack says he understands that he's not like Sam or Cas. Okay then. Morning. They show up at a jewelry store and are greeted enthusiastically by the man and woman inside. "I'm Adam," the man says. "You know. God's primo. First dude off the assembly line." The woman with him is not Eve, but a hippie angel named Seraphina. I guess that means she's a seraph? Get it? (Sorry, I have to amuse myself sometimes.) She proclaims Jack's aura is "like Skittles," and of course it is. What else would it be like, other than something sweet and rainbow-colored? {Sidebar: Or should it be like nougat? Discuss.} Adam and Seraphina are very into Jack and also very much into each other. They separate long enough for Adam to take Jack for a "pop quiz." Seraphina says she knows Jack will pass because she saw it in a dream, which annoys me because angels don't sleep, but it turns out she means a mushroom-induced hallucination. She tells Dean that so many things had to happen for Jack to end up here, it was obviously "meant to be." Which doesn't sit well with Dean. Meanwhile, Adam explains to Jack that because of what God did to him and his sons, he's been wanting to kill him for a very long time. Billie is working with him, and kept him alive so he could finish the job. They've just been waiting for Jack. Adam shows him a tray of crystals and tells him to pick the one that was touched by God. Jack points to one, and Adam is disappointed. That's your choice? Yes. And... the others. All of them. They're just rocks, but their existence makes them divine, because God is in everything. And that's the right answer! Jack and Adam return, triumphant, and Seraphina celebrates by plunging a knife into Adam's chest and prying out a rib. Ew. "Everything can contain the spark of the divine, but this puppy? Is packing enough punch to create life. Or in this case, destroy God." With the power of the rib, Jack will turn into a "metaphysical black hole for divine energy" that nothing can escape. Not Amara, not God. But once is starts, it can't be stopped, so Jack shouldn't use it until "game time."

I'm pleased that Adam is a Middle Eastern guy. Back in the Impala, some hours later, Dean pulls over right before they get home. He apologizes to Jack for hearing what he heard. Not for saying it, but for Jack hearing it. He tells Jack that he hasn't been free his entire life. "But now, now me and Sam, we got a shot at living a life. Without all this crap on our backs. And that's because of you. So, I want to say, I need to say, thank you, Jack." Well, that's a nice emotional moment, but isn't Jack doing this to save the world? Not just to get Dean off the hamster wheel? Dean's phone buzzes. It's time. Jack takes the rib out of its baggie and absorbs it into his hand and oh, Jack, I don't think I'd have done that just yet. Bunker. Is this Sam's section? Yes, it is! \o/ Sam hurls a book to the floor in frustration and is comforted by Cas. Guys, Sam and Cas tend to do some crazy fucked-up shit when they're left together unsupervised, and I am here for it. Sam wishes he could talk to Billie about her plan, and Cas immediately assumes he's going to kill himself and puts his foot down. But Sam suddenly remembers what Sergei said about the key to Death's library. "Oh, is that why I invited Sergei here to the secret bunker," Cas says, "because now that makes sense." They start digging through old wooden chests and I'm fairly sure these are boxes full of cursed objects, although all they find are a large novelty chess piece, a gold leaf cross from Hobby Lobby, and the Holy Grail.

Tell me you didn't think the same thing. But Cas eventually does find the box with the key. The box has an inscription in Latin, which Sam reads out loud. By the way, Sam Latinating is always hot, even though he looks like he doesn't understand what he's saying. As the guys watch in amazement, a portal and keyhole appear in the wall. Cas wants to go with, but Sam asks him to stay and buy him some time if Dean comes back before he gets out, even if that sounds crazy. "Sam, for what it's worth, I don't think you're crazy," Cas says. "I think your internal compass is functioning perfectly." And Sam's all, aw, that's the nicest thing anyone's said to me in a long time.

"Donde está la biblioteca?” He puts the key in the keyhole and opens the door into the W section of Billie's library. I want him to start pulling books off the shelves and reading versions of his death, but he's distracted by a dead reaper on the floor. And more dead reapers. And the sound of one begging for her life and then noisily dying. He finally sees Empty!Meg (\o/) sitting at the circulation desk, as another reaper pleads for his life. "Please," he cries, "she won't come!" He prays unsuccessfully for Billie to come, and gets his neck snapped for his trouble. Sam immediately tries to nope the hell out of there, but Empty!Meg snaps her fingers and he appears in front of her. Sam Winchester? Meg? Sorry, she's still dead. Just borrowing the queen's pretty face cause really? I'm empty. {Sidebar: Why would Meg's meatsuit go to the Empty with her? Discuss.} Empty!Meg is trying to get Billie's attention, and she drops a bombshell on Sam. Billie intends to become the new God. "Classic narcissist, right? So tingly for the rules, the good old days. Everyone back to where they belong. Realities, dimensions, graves. What should be dead dies, angels off Earth, demons back to Hell, and I go back to sleep!" Oh, wait. Graves? So anyone who was dead at some point, and was brought back to life, would go back to the grave? She tells Sam that he's in God's book - the ornate book in front of her that only Billie can read. "She always talked about how you should be so dead, except she needs you." Empty!Meg decides that hurting Sam might get Billie's attention, and well, y'all know I'm not opposed to that. (If you're new here, hi, my name is caranfindel and I have a problem.) She brings Sam to his knees, but he finally manages to say "Billie sent me." Oh, Sam. He claims Billie sent him to get the book, because she's trapped on Earth. Empty!Meg can't go to Earth unless she's summoned (hmmm, wonder if that will come up later), and Sam says he has a message for her, from Billie. "Billie will honor her promise. God, Amara, they die. And you, you can go back to sleep." Empty!Meg decides to believe Sam, even though he didn't even know who she was or why she was there when he got there, or that Billie had even made any promises, but I'd have a hard time saying no to that face too.

I'll believe your lies. When Sam comes back through the door into the bunker, Cas greets him with "finally" as if he's been gone a long time, so time must flow differently in Billie's library. Cas tells him Chuck and Amara are here, and it's time. "We can't let that happen," says Sam. "We have to stop it." In the trap, Chuck narrates what's happening elsewhere in the bunker. "You hear that? Dean. Brought to the edge of doubt. His sense of duty, his rage, winning out in the end." As Dean drags Jack through the hall, Sam tells him about Billie's plan to take advantage of the power vacuum and become God. Dean doesn't care - he doesn't mind being duped as long as it's not by Chuck. "And poor Sam," says Chuck. "Always gotta know everything. Can't leave well enough alone." Poor Sam stands in front of Dean, trying to stop him. Dean yells that Jack already "lit the fuse" and they can't wait any longer. "This is my ending," Chuck says. "My real ending." And just as I'm wondering if he means his preferred ending, where one brother always kills another, Dean pulls his gun out and points it at Sam's heart. "Move, Sam. Move!" Sam's horrified. Cas and Jack are horrified. I'm horrified. And also, I'm ashamed to say, very entertained. I mean, I don't want the brothers fighting, and yet for Dean to lose the plot so badly that he'd actually shoot Sam in order to get off the hamster wheel? That's some gloriously messed up stuff, friends. Amara is shocked that Chuck orchestrated all of this. "What part of omniscient do you people not understand?" he says, and YES. THIS is something that has long needed to be said. He says that even though he can't read his death book, all he had to do was plant a few visions, mess with a few outcomes, bada bing bada boom! Nobody's killing him! Hallway. Sam pleads with Dean. "I don't want to do this," Dean says, "but this is everything!"

THIS is everything. Trap. Amara tells Chuck they're going to cage him, not kill him. Hallway. Dean does that thing you do with a gun when you want someone to know you're serious. Clicks off the safety, or whatever. Sam makes a have we really come to this? face and yanks Dean's gun hand away. Dean punches him and he drops to the floor. Trap. Chuck tells Amara that TFW is planning to kill both of them. Hallway. Dean drags Jack toward the trap and Sam tackles him. Dean punches him again. Cas just watches all this. What the hell, Cas. Trap. Chuck says the Winchesters are using Jack to destroy them. Amara says that can't be, because Dean can't hurt her. "No, but he can lie to you. He can send you into the meat grinder with a wink and a smile." But isn't that hurting her? Hallway. Dean orders Cas and Jack to go. Sam yells for Jack not to do it. Cas asks why not, because... Cas has suddenly forgotten what side of this argument he's on? "Because if Billie takes over, then everyone goes back to where they belong!" Sam says. "That means everybody from Apocalypse World - Bobby, Charlie - they get sent back to a place that doesn't exist any more. And everyone we saved! Eileen, she just dies, again! And that's just the beginning!" Trap. Amara is devastated. Hallway. Dean yells that they don't have a choice, and Sam says "we always have a choice!" Trap. Chuck tells Amara "the only ones who ever really get us is us." Hallway. Dean says there's nothing they can do but get out of the way, and he doesn't care if Billie becomes God. I'd trade it all, I'd trade 'em all, for Chuck! In a heartbeat! What about me? Would you trade me? Okay, is this Sam pointing out that if Billie becomes God, he dies? Because it's awfully subtle, and I think he just needs to come right and say "that's fine, Dean, but when I told you everyone we saved would die again, I meant everyone, and that includes me!" And Dean would probably also want to know that angels will be banished to Heaven, don't you think, Sam? Anyway. I saw this on Tumblr, and I can't get to it now because Tumblr is being a little bitch, but basically: Sam Winchester may have low self-worth, but he absolutely knows what he means to his brother, and he does not hesitate to use it. Trap. Chuck offers Amara the balance she said she wanted. "Us, starting fresh, creating something new, something beautiful, peaceful, together. And we can finally forget about all this pain. No baggage. Only balance." He extends a hand. Amara takes it and dissolves into smoke, which is absorbed by Chuck, who now has one demon-black eye and one angel-blue eye. And a sadistic grin. Hallway. Chuck has to die. He has to! Otherwise he'll keep us tap dancing forever, and I can't live like that, man! I can't live like that; I won't! I know you feel like that right now, okay? I know you do. But you gotta trust me. My entire life, you've protected me. From Dad? From Lucifer? From everything. I didn't always like it, you know, but it's the one thing in the whole world that I could always count on. It's the only thing I've ever known that was true. So please, put the gun away. Just put it away. We'll figure it out, Dean; we'll find another way. You and me. We always do. Gotta admit, I'm torn about this scene. I mean, on the one hand, it's beautifully done, so much emotion and angst and anger and teary-eyed, shaky Sam. Once again, Jared is acting the hell out of it. (And Jensen too, but come on.) And yet, on the other hand... how bad is Sam's Stockholm Syndrome? "You protected me from Dad?" Have we seen any evidence of that? I'm sure Dean was forced to be the referee sometimes, but have we seen any evidence that Dean ever said "no Sam, you're not disowned just because you want to stop hunting and go to college" or "no Dad, I'm not even going to pretend I'll kill Sam," rather than consider it an option until he was actually faced with it? It seems like "protecting Sam from Dad" mostly meant "trying to get Sam to do what Dad wanted, so he'd stay out of trouble." And Lucifer? When Sam told him he was Lucifer's vessel, and the Devil was coming to him in his dreams, Dean basically said "sucks to be you, now pick a hemisphere." Now, I'm aware that Dean has actually protected Sam from many, many things. In good ways and in bad ways. And yet he's also hurt him in some pretty awful ways. I mean, he just now threatened to shoot him for refusing to accept his destiny is to help Dean escape the slavery of his destiny. So for Sam to say "you protect me" is one thing. Dean absolutely does that. But to say it's the only thing that's true, and to specifically mention John and Lucifer, well. Hmmm.

Let's just concentrate on the pretty. Anyway. Dean puts the gun away, Sam sighs a tearful shaky sigh of relief, and then the door to Amara's trapped room explodes. Chuck walks out dramatically - not nearly as hot as Demon!Demon dramatically walking through his own destroyed door - and yells at them. "Are you kidding me? After everything, after all that, you did it again!" He tells them he absorbed Amara, mocks Castiel (which is kind of funny), and says they're all stupid, stubborn, and broken, and he's done with them. "You know what you do with broken toys? You throw them out. So, kill each other, don't kill each other, I don't care." Then he tells them to have fun watching Jack die, and zaps on out of there. Jack collapses, and bad things are clearly happening to him. Well, it's hard to get worked up over Jack dying again (what would this be, the third time?). After all, as Dean said, he's not Sam. I'm more interested in finding out if Dean understood he was sentencing Sam to death when he said he didn't care if Billie became God. {Sidebar: Would Dean die too? Or would everything that happened because Sam was brought back be erased? Discuss. And maybe fic.} And now Amara is gone. But, conveniently, destroying Chuck will also destroy her, so. Balance! Unity! Hugs and puppies all around! Oh, friends. The end is near, and I don't feel good about it. I'm anxious about a lot of things happening next week, and the third-to-last episode of Supernatural is one of them. How do you feel? 

Please help me stay unspoiled, including episode titles and casting info, thanks!

[sidecarghost]

Suptober Day 16: Switch It Up!

Destiel Chatfic  - College!AU where Dean and Cas are both dating the same girl. Cas finds out and sends Dean an instagram direct message, and Dean gets an insta-crush on Cas.

~~

Gabriel texts Cas - 11:19 am ~~ Gabriel: Yo little bro! Cas: Hello Gabriel. Gabriel: Are you and Tessa still dating? Because I just saw her kissing this guy in the campus parking lot next to what I assume was his car. Cas: Uh yeah, are you sure it's Tessa? Gabriel: Hold on a sec. Gabriel: Yes, I just walked over and said "Hi Tessa, do you remember me Cas's brother?", and she responded "Oh yeah, hi Gabriel, how is Cas doing?" Cas: That does sound like something she would say. Gabriel: I asked her to introduce me to her friend, and she said his name was Dean Winchester. Cas: what do you want me to do with that name? Gabriel: Hell if I know, I guess fight for fair Tessa's honor? Cas: I'm sure I won't do that, but thanks for letting me know Gabriel.

~~ Later that day, Cas looks up Dean Winchester on IG and finds a likely looking profile and sends DM - 5:48 pm ~~

Cas: Hello Dean, I know you don't know me, but I think we are both dating Tessa. Dean: Welp, that explains somethings. Have you been dating Tessa long? I wasn’t sure if she was playing the field still or not. Cas: Not very long, just a few weeks. Dean: I assumed we were exclusive when Tessa asked me to be her boyfriend, so I guess it's on me for assuming. Cas: Um ok, I just thought letting you know was the right thing. But if you’re upset I understand. Dean: S'okay Cas, you seem cool, and I'm happy I'm getting to know you. Cas: Um, thanks you seem cool too. Dean: Can I call you my boyfriend-in-law? Cas: Well, I was going to break up with Tessa after confirming this with you. Dean: If that is the case, can I call you my boyfriend? Cas: Huh? Dean: Confession time. Since you sent me a dm, I started stalking your IG account, and you look all kinds of hot. I kind of understand why I was being cheated on now. Cas: Uh, that is flattering... I think. Dean: Hold on, I'll break up with Tessa first. Cas: Wait, what? I just wanted to give you a heads up about Tessa, and I'm not sure what is going on in this convo anymore.

~~ Dean texts Tessa - 5:52 pm ~~ Dean: Sorry to break up with you over text, but this is a life & death emergency.  Dean: Btw, the painting of Baby you made for your art course is awesome! I saw it in campus center. Tessa: Oh wow, I hope everything is okay or that it will be.  Tessa: No worries about the break up, I think we are better as friends.  Tessa: And I'm glad you like the Baby painting! ~~

Dean: Okay done, do you like pie? Cas: Um... pie is okay. Dean: Seriously? You like pie? I knew I was in love with you! Cas: I am not sure if you are kidding or serious. Dean: Sorry! I tend to ramble when I'm excited. Want me to pick you up for a date later? We can get pie at this diner I know. Cas: Sure, I'd like that Dean. Dean: Okay, text me where you want me to pick you up at 7pm. I'll be driving a black 67 Chevy Impala. Cas: Okay, I think I saw pics of that car on your feed when I was trying to find you on IG. Dean: What did you think of her? Cas: Her? Dean: Yeah, I tend to think of my Impala as female. Have you ever watched this really old tv show Knight Rider? Cas: Sorry, I don’t think I’ve heard of it. Dean: No worries, I have the box set on Blu Ray. We can watch together some time if you’d like. But I brought up because it’s about this guy that solves mysteries with his talking Pontiac Trans Am “KITT.” Cas: Oh, that’s an interesting premise for a tv show. Dean: Ikr! Anyway, so that’s me and my car, Baby, too. If she had a voice box, she would totally help me solve mysteries. Cas: Like the mystery machine? Dean: asdfasfasgwe You like Scooby doo?!? Cas: Well, I watched some when I was little. And I think I remember the gist of it. Dean: Scooby Doo was my show growing up!! And yeah, Baby is like that. A lot of things just get thrown away when they wear out. But some things transcend the mundane, and throwing them away would be like losing something divine. Cas: Uh, she sounds really special Dean. I’m looking forward to meeting you and her later then. Dean: Ok, Baby and I will show you a good time! Cas: Sounds good, bye Dean. Dean: ttyl Cas!

~~

Cas texts Tessa - 6:13 pm ~~ Cas: Hello Tessa, I don't think we are right for each other, but I hope we can still be friends. Tessa: Oof, the other guy I was seeing just broke up with me over text too. I'm having a rough day. Cas: Was it Dean? Tessa: Yeah, he seemed nice. I wasn't sure how interested in me he was though, he mostly wanted to talk about his car, little brother, and classic movies. Cas: Actually, I met Dean because I found out we were both dating you. So I let him know, because it felt like the right thing to do. Tessa: Oh, it hadn't occurred to me that I was serious enough with either of you to talk about being exclusive. Sorry if I hurt you or Dean's feelings. Cas: I was a little hurt, but Dean seemed okay about it. Tessa: I'm sorry Cas! You are a very sweet guy, and I hope you find someone that doesn't hurt your heart. And I'd be happy to still be friends if the offer stands. Cas: Thanks I do want to be friends, and as for finding someone, well I actually have a date with Dean tonight.  Tessa: Omg! I'm so excited for the two of you! My advice, wear your blue henley and skip the trench coat. Cas: I've never gone on a date with a guy before, so I'm feeling kind of nervous. And also, I’ve never gone a date with someone I hadn’t met in person already. This is definitely a little overwhelming. Tessa: I think you'll be fine Cas. Dean is a nice guy, and if things get too silent and awkward just ask him about his car, brother, or favorite movies. Cas: Dean did tell me about his car a bit already, and it was pretty touching how much she meant to him.  Tessa: Yeah, Dean has a huge heart. I feel like once he loves someone, Dean would wage war against Heaven or Hell to protect them. Baby is definitely part of his family, and while a lot of people tend to take things for granted, Dean is more likely to show reverence for the things that have held him together. Cas: That sounds almost spiritual. Tessa: Spiritual is a good way to describe it. Also, Dean does tend to be all highs and lows, like he either loves something or he hates it. There is really not much middle ground. You seem a lot more level-headed Cas, tbh I think you and Dean are perfect complements for each other.  Cas: Well, we haven’t even been on a date yet. Tessa: Haha, I know. I’m just being sap ig. But I have good feeling about you guys.  Cas: Thanks Tessa, I appreciate it. Tessa: Anytime hun! And I have been seeing this girl, Charlie, maybe we can all go out on a double date sometime. Cas: You were seeing three people? Tessa: yeah, and I should tell Charlie I was seeing some other people, and I'd like to just commit to her. I really like her Cas, and I don't want to ruin it. I think she knows, but I also thought you and Dean knew so I should be more upfront. Cas: Yeah, that's a good idea. And maybe we can all go out some time in the future. Tessa: Yay! I'd like that. Let me know how DeanCas goes tonight. Cas: Ok, I've got to go get ready. Tessa: Later hun!

~~ Tessa texts Charlie - 6:26 pm ~~

Tessa: I really like you, do you want to be exclusive? Charlie: Did the guys you were dating break up with you? Tessa: Lol yes, but it saved me trouble of breaking up with them. And actually they kind of found each other through me, so I'm feeling like their fairy godmother or something. Charlie: omfg! I'm imagining you as a fairy godmother now, and that image is burned in my brain. Tessa: Lol it is pretty funny, and I think Dean and Cas would hate me forever for even saying that. Charlie: Don’t worry I will keep your role as their fairy godmother secret. Tessa: So, you didn't answer my question... Charlie: Sorry, Tessa. I really like you too. But I'm not ready to commit to a serious relationship yet. Can we keep dating each other and other people for a little longer and keep it casual? Tessa: Sure, but when you are ready let me know! Charlie: Ofc, darling! Tessa: Also, Cas and I chatted about four of us going on double date in future. They are both nice guys, what do you think? Charlie: Sure, maybe we can recruit them for LARP. Tessa: Don't worry my queen. I will get them recruited to follow your flag. Charlie: I knew my fairy godmother wouldn't let me down. Tessa: Ofc, not even remotely possible for me to ever let you down, my queen.

~~ Dean texts Sam 6:35pm ~~

Dean: Sammy, remember the girl Tessa I was dating? Sam: yeah, you were forcing her to watch an Indiana Jones marathon with you last weekend. Dean: "forcing" seems like a strong word, everyone loves Indiana Jones. Sam: sure they do Dean. Dean: Anyway, we broke up. Sam: oh, sorry man Dean: No worries Samantha, I've got a date with her other boyfriend, Cas. I’m actually getting ready to pick him up in just a minute. Sam: oh, good for you then Dean: I'm kind of nervous tho, I was stalking his ig, and even though he's really hot I don't think we have much in common. Sam: well, they say opposites attract. Dean: He posts math and physics joke memes. Sam: so what? Dean: I don't know any good math or physics jokes. Sam: Don't bother picking up a bunch of lame jokes. I think this guy would rather get to know the real you. Dean: Well, I did ramble a bit about Baby earlier when we started messaging. Sam: And he still wants a date with you? He sounds like a keeper Dean. Dean: What do you mean? Everyone loves Baby. I gotta text you a pic of this painting Tessa made. Baby looks so badass. Sam: Okay,  well try not to only talk about Baby with Cas. Try to learn about him and open up about yourself too. You keep saying your tired of casual flings, but if you don’t let people in that will be all you ever get. Dean: Ugh, I'm a mess. Getting to know the real me is a really great way to scare anyone off. Sam: hey, I'm still here. Dean: yeah, you're my brother. You are stuck with me no matter how much of a dumpster fire I become. Sam: you're not a dumpster fire. just don't overthink it. do you want me to ask Jess out tonight so we can double date? Dean: no, I can do this, showing up to a first date with my little brother as chaperone would be weird. Sam: it's only weird if you let it be Dean: well, I'm not letting it be Sam: ok, whatever Dean: later moose Sam: drop dead squirrel

[chaoticspacefam]

(Fandom meme) B and N 👀

Thank you for the asks, Pinky! @palepinkycat I’m gonna stick to SWTOR for this one since I p much live in this fandom now, y’all are never getting rid of me. I’m like the lil funky ghost that comes with the apartment 🤪😂

This got long again oops, so under a cut to avoid eating/lagging ppl’s dashes bc of the gifs. No specific trigger warnings tho, so continue without a worry, this is just because it got kinda long :P

B - A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind 

I have a couple, actually!

1) Lana/Koth (and by extension Saarai/Lana/Koth) - this one actually started as a silly animatic idea to the song “Sorry I Stole Your Girlfriend” by Stereo Skyline (which, yes, is also where their ship name comes from ;) XD) which I shared with one of my friends on Discord (who afaik doesn’t have a tumblr, but they’re gr8 and I love them very much owo), and then in a cider-tipsy 3am revelation my brain gremlins took control and put to me the idea of “But what if they ALL kissed?” basically. Fren encouraged me to do it bc they thought it sounded cute af, and around that time I also started vibing with Bagel over Discord, who further jumped on the “polyam triad gremlin train” and that was that. So y’all can blame my anonymous amazing Discord friend and @darth-bagel for encouraging me to make the OT3 a thing even tho there was pretty much NO content of the sort (I think there’s one other Lana/Koth fic on AO3??) So this is literally a case of:

They’re very cute, I love them SO much they are literally my new favourite ship to write. I would die for all three of them 🥺🥺🥺 & the haters can die mad about it lmao

2) Sith Inquisitor(F! mostly for me but ya know, I think M!Inquisitor could work just as well :’3)/Andronikos: at first I was very reticent to try this one, bc I started out with a M!Inq and I was worried Andronikos would be like Doc 2.0, but I saw a lot of nice fanfics for them and decided to try it out with Ni’kasi and that’s it. I love them now. I would die for them just as much as the OT3 XD

3) F!Jedi Consular/F!Sith Warrior: Again, because there is just a stunning lack of this content on AO3, see the gif in #1 😂  This is 100% Ariano’s fault, they’ve wormed their way into my angstyfluff brainrot. This pairing has so much potential guys. THE DRAMA. THE ✨A N G S T✨ I cannot talk about it enough 🥺

Honourable mentions for: Jaesa/Vette and Ashara/Jaesa which are rlly darn cute, and also bc it was the first longfic I ever read, and idk the author’s tumblr or if they’re even active anymore, but I need to go back and re-read the fic one day: F!Jedi Knight/F!Sith Warrior and Jaesa/Vette/Kira because the way they wrote them in that fic was so good I cri ;A;

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice)

1) Repeatable 👏 Companion 👏 and 👏 romance 👏 cutscenes!!! BIOWARE. GIVE ME. NOW. I don’t care if it’s the same 3 - 4 animations/cutscenes that can be replayed at my leisure/whenever I want, I WANT IT. ghsyugyudfd

2) More vanilla companion and romance content in general. A lot of my toons have romanced either Koth or Lana so we get a fair bit in KOTFEET but after that even they haven’t had much. Poor Vano hasn’t had a decent convo with Vette, who she considers like a sister, since her re-recruitment in KOTFE. GIVE ME CONTENT, DEVS, I MISS THEM *stamps my tiny feet* Also, leading in from this: more “neutral”/non-romance dialogue options without having to be a dick to ppl, please?!?! Just bc I don’t wanna smash doesn’t mean I wanna be mean (to everyone. Some of them deserve it, but most of them, I would actually like to be friends with, pwease?! XD)

3) More varied companions!! There’s a whole goddamn galaxy of REALLY COOL interesting species, why are like 90% of our perma-companions all human Bioware?! I know you can do better than that. Gimme more Purebloods, Nautolans, Mirialans, hell, every species tbh. I just think they’re neat ok.

Honourable mentions: POLYAM RELATIONSHIPS IN CANON: LET ME KISS THEM BOTH BIOWARE, YOU COWARDS! ✨ Vaylin “redemption” arc ✨ (and by that I don’t necessarily mean that she has to join the Alliance but at least a tiny sort of rapport with an Outlander who is willing to try enough to plant the thought in her head that they hate Valkorion as much as she does, who can help Vaylin get away from all the conditioning and let her disappear off to Voss or wherever she needs to go to heal herself from all that trauma bc Vaylin deserved better goddammit!), more “repeatable” content in KOTFEET style, I know it’s probably reaching/impossible but I really want the option to rerun the class stories without having to make another clone ok. I’m gonna run outta those slots eventually bioware P L S 🥺 , options to “recruit” long-running NPCs from the other expacs that we never see again e.g. Cytharat and others I can’t think of rn but like...lemme?? pls, bioware 🥺🥺, aaanddd finally, more female companions that aren’t your padawan/apprentice/significantly at a power loss in comparison to you??? it’s super creepy c’mon ughh.