#school bathroom after school let out because we were both girls in a homophobic school

[beepboop358]

My Byler theories/predictions for S4

Since s4 is already confirmed to not be the last season, I don’t think Byler will officially get together in s4. I do think that we are definitely going to get a large amount of Byler’s development in s4 though, we just aren’t at the finish line yet. Since Byler has been being developed all through each of the seasons, I think the writers are playing the long game with Mike and Will. I really appreciate a queer romance that is so well developped, especially in something so popular! I think the season will end on a note where it’s understood what Mike has been struggling with, It’s made known that Will is gay, and that Mike has feelings for Will, and Will has feelings for Mike.

My predictions/theories for Byler in s4:

Mike might be acting a little off at school and Dustin is going to notice his odd behavior and ask what’s up

I think Mike will be getting in trouble at school and at home (based on whenever he doesn’t have Will/El around he does stupid things - like graffitti the bathroom wall, plagiarize essays, curse at adults, etc.) I don’t know if Mike knows about Eddie dealing drugs, but he might and he might get drugs from Eddie and do them to cope with everything he is struggling with. His parents might ground him for doing drugs, and forbid him from going to visit the Byers, and then we could get our runaway smalltown boy montage! LOL

Lonnie might come to visit the Byers in California for Will’s birthday. He will probably show up because he thinks they have money now, or he wants to sue Starcourt like he wanted to sue the quarry in s1. Mike will also be there visiting for Will’s birthday. Lonnie will mock Will and make fun of him like he always did, but he will also hate Mike. Lonnie will definitely notice Will and Mike’s dynamics and he will definitely comment about it. He might even call them homophobic slurs like we know he used to do with Will when he was younger. Lonnie will probably make Will cry and Mike upset. Lonnie might possibly “out” him and Mike before they are out and confirm it themselves. Some of the movies on the stranger writers twitter for s4 also hint at this, as well as having the baseball references. There are also hints to Will’s birthday throughout the show: The rainbow happy birthday mug seen in the crazy together scene, the “sorry i forgot your birthday card” in Will’s room from Lonnie, and Joyce’s speech in the shed discussing Will’s 8th birthday and his “rainbow ship”. Jonathan also mentions how Lonnie made him kill a rabbit on his 10th birthday and he cried for a week after, just more hints that if Lonnie shows up for Will’s bday, it’s gonna be bad.

Mike might get Will a watch for his birthday. This would reference the clocks being central to the s4 plot, and “not wanting things to change/turning back the clock” in Hopper’s letter

Will is being homophobically bullied at his new school again, possibly references to Will having HIV/AIDS because the height of the epidemic was in the 80’s and it was very stigmatized

Mike will call Will more than he will call El. Will might be slightly surprised by this, El’s frequent calling will annoy Mike and he might turn off his walkie talkie. (basically the reverse of what Mike said would happen in the s3 ending mileven scene)

Mike and Will will be in the same location for most of the season, like s2. They will not leave each other’s sides for the majority of the time they are together.

S4 Group Predictions:

- El, Will, Mike trio together with Jonathan and Argyle. (we will get some obvious tension between El, Will, and Mike, and Mike will hate Argyle at first)

- Robin, Steve, Erica, Max, Dustin, Lucas, Vickie, Eddie, Nancy

- Joyce, Murray, etc?

- Hopper and the other Russians (Dimitri, etc)

The rift between Mike and El will continue to grow.

When Mike comes to visit, she will notice he seems much more interested in Will.

El will ask why the bullies call Will those things (queer/fairy/gay/homo, probably f slurs too), what it means and if he really is “a queer”.

I don’t know if Will is going to come out to El. They have never interacted before, and I doubt Will trusts her or really likes her much mainly, because of Mike. Unless they get super close during the time not portrayed on screen between s3 and s4, or by being all each other has in California, I don’t know if  he will come out to El. I could see this going either way depending on how their friendship develops. I definitely do not think Will is going to tell El he likes Mike, even if he does confide in her he is gay. I think she will find out eventually but in some other way, probably just from Mike’s behavior towards Will.

El will eventually realize she doesn’t actually love Mike and let go of the ‘romance’ aspect of their bond, but still highly value him as a friend.

Mike might be called homophobic slurs at school as well. Mike will definitely be teased (regardless of his sexuality) because he is in the hellfire club and since satanic panic is sweeping the town, people look at D&D as if it is a satanic game, and he will be teased because of that.

Based on the leaked bts pics, I have a theory a cheerleader, or someone else, might show interest in Mike.  Mike will not reciprocate and she will call him out for it asking why he doesn't like her because “any other guy at this school would” or something like that, maybe even ask “what are you gay or something”. It would certainly be good for Mike’s narrative but idk if it will happen.

Will may confide in Jonathan about his feelings for Mike and the things the bullies say to him at school. Jonathan will be supportive of Will, as will Joyce. I think he will also try to protect Will from Lonnie and they will both defend Will to Lonnie.

I think we need a scene of Mike with his Mom telling him to follow his heart, like who you like, etc. because life is too short to waste it being miserable or something like that. This could be inspired by Mike’s parents seperating, but idk. This could also encourage Mike to initiate more romantic things with Will.

I would love to get a scene of Will confronting Mike for “Joining another party”, after Will said he wouldn’t.

Will and Mike need to discuss what was said in their fight.

I think since Mike's been holding in a lot of turmoil and struggling with his sexuality for so long we might get a small breakdown scene from him, of him telling Will he’s really sorry for how he treated him last summer, and for all the things he said to Will. Mike will profusely apologize and also hint at how he’s confused and been dealing with a lot.

I think Mike will be the first one to break down and confess he has feelings for Will and has been struggling with coming to terms with his sexuality.

Once Will has confirmation Mike is also struggling with his sexuality, Will might come out to him. I would love for him to reference the fight being like “You were right. I don’t like girls.” (from @itsonlystrange ‘s 4x07 byler script it’s so good!) I don't know if Will will confess he likes Mike to his face or not. I don't think it's likely given how shy Will is and how afraid he is of Mike not reciprocating, but who knows.

Mike may initiate a kiss between him and Will - towards the end of the season probably (eyewitness parallel - explained in my byler proof google slides)

I think Mike and Will might write letters to each other, with some love-y connotations. There is a lot of evidence for this in the canon comics of them writing notes to each other, and that cryptic tweet from stranger writers twitter with a blocked out message and the date Will went missing saying it wasn’t about a couple or hopper. Maybe byler related? This tweet may not be a letter but it might be. The most popular theories are that the message is to Will, “love mike”, which I love. https://twitter.com/strangerwriters/status/1184945905973153792?lang=en

Will has a new haircut (bts pics) and Mike will gush over it. Maybe some gay-panicking too hopefully

I think El will be either physically or at least emotionally distant the entire season from the other kids (again following the pattern of even and odd seasons) El needs some personal development this season, since she didn’t get any in s3.

El might confront Mike and ask if he is gay and if he likes Will, which could be El’s motivation to go off on a journey of her own to learn more about her own life. I don’t think it will be a huge fight, but El might make some references to him always lying to her. I think Mike might just kind of try to talk his way out of it at first, but he will eventually break. This might be a two part discussion and Mike doesn’t admit she is right until later. I don’t think it makes sense for El to be heartbroken (explained in my byler proof slides), just slightly annoyed. This is based off of the movie Tootsie which they borrowed the “gift” idea from in s3 already. In the movie, the girlfriend then after receiving the gift asks “Michael” if he is gay.

I really think eventually El will realize it’s okay because she doesn’t love him romantically either, and once she realizes that her own personal development can really begin.

I think we will see a noticeable change in Mike’s demeanor. I think Mike will mainly just be trying to hide that he is gay now. He joined the hellfire club so we know he’s playing d&d again meaning he is reverting back to his true self, not the weird act he put on in s3 trying to be straight and change himself. He is still struggling, but he knows he likes Will. Regardless that doesn’t mean he is going to be super clear about how he feels. He is going to be extremely afraid of opening up and then getting hurt by Will. He will probably do some of his usual ‘lead Will on and then shut it down’ thing. And I really want Will to call him out on this. This could also lead to Mike breaking down in front of Will and confessing. I think we are going to get a lot of 'Mike gay panicking' moments, he's going to be extremely afraid of being found out/suspected.

Byler things I really want to happen that we may get because they would have narrative significance:

I really want flashbacks to those 3 months of summer between the starcourt explosion and the Byers moving, of moments between Mike and Will when they hang out alone together, with some obvious romantic tension. Like where they are super playful and almost kiss, or they are kind of touchy, or something in the realm of that. I think we need a flashback of something that explains Will’s flirty nature at the very end of s3 with Mike, because he doesn't normally act like that. I want noticeable “is something going on with them?” vibes. This could also happen during the thanksgiving/christmas flashbacks.

I hope we get flashbacks of Mike going to the Byers for Thanksgiving, and the Byers coming back to Hawkins for Christmas. Preferably of some Mike and Will moments that hint at Mike’s confusion or how he feels “so alone” without Will, maybe with some “crazy together” references too! I’d also love some tension between the 3 of them, maybe this is when El starts to get suspicious of Mike liking Will.

Hopefully we get some shots of Mike biking past the byers old house and going to look at castle byers and reminiscing.

I’d love to get a flashback of Mike the day the Byers moved away, of him crying or being upset, alone in his room/basement while looking at Will’s drawings or pictures of Will and him together. Mainly to confirm for people that Mike was upset about Will moving, not as much El.

This one does not seem super probable, but it is a very popular theory. Idk if it’s possible because of location logistics, but if they spend enough time together, I’d love for Mike to get to know Robin better, and Will too. Maybe once everyone comes together at the end of the season, she will notice their dynamics and could help guide and inspire them to be themselves. Hey maybe thats for s5 :) But I do think it’s a possibility that Mike may work at the video store with Steve and Robin, and she will pick up on Mike’s behavior and understand, whether she communicates that to him or not.

[jadedxrealityw]

-Truth Or Dare- Pansy Parkinson x Female Reader

    ☼-☪-☼

   Kody: Happy Lesbian Visibility Day!

   Movie/Show: Harry Potter 

   House and Year:  Slytherin / 7th year

   Request: Good morning/night! Hope you’re having a lovely day and make sure to drink water ! Can you write a Pansy x Fem!reader where they’re playing truth or dare and get dared to makeout in front of the people they’re playing with 

   Possible Triggers / Warnings: cursing, makeout, slytherin’s being dumbasses, if you don’t like girls kissing unfollow me please, 

    ☼-☪-☼

   slytherin’s were considered the most poised and proper house since most came from wealthy pure-blood families who acted like they were born with a stick up there ass. To everyone else the house of Slytherin was also the rudest people alive.

   those people have never been in your friend group clearly. 

   it was true, most of you came from wealth, but you also had shitty, racist, probably homophobic parents. It was the main thing that brought you together, the fact no one else knew what you had to go through just so you weren’t written out of an will or disowned. 

   it sounded shallow to most outsiders, but you needed the money to start your own life and finally be free to do what you want without the constant reminder from your parents about how to act, what to wear, who to hang out with, how to be a proper lady and all that bullshit. It was suffocating.

   enough of the emotional shit. It was a godsend that school year’s at Hogwarts were as long as they were because it meant you had all the time in the world to hangout with your best friends. Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini, Theodore Nott, and Pansy Parkinson. 

   Draco was the biggest hot head you knew and easily offended, but he also had a big heart under all that angst. When he attached to someone it was impossible to get rid of him. He clung onto all of you like a lifeline and even if he’s a little overbearing you loved him all the same. 

   Blaise was a calm collected fellow, very sarcastic and condescending sometimes. He talked so proper you couldn’t tell if he was insulting you really. Like Draco he also had a big heart, but would never ever show it unless you was with with Theo and to Theo only.

   speaking of Nott. Theo was the ultimate loner avoided all of you for your first year of Hogwarts, then he met Blaise and they connected very well. You all thought it was funny when Theo would be all quiet around you and suddenly light up like a star when Blaise walked into the room.

   he was like that with all of you now though

   and Pansy. She was the embodiment of ‘fuck you and your mom’ kind of person. She took no ones shit and you admired her for that. She was also a giant flirt towards you and only you. Compliment your looks, body, anything really. You thought of it as a joke t first and casually flirted back.

   you suppose Pansy saw that as an invitation to try something more. She’d randomly place her hand somewhere on you and trace random shapes in agonizing slow patterns. A tease at it’s finest. There were also the sides of her you found comforting. 

   you were always prone to panic attacks, something that developed from your parents nonetheless. She would always cradle your face and make sure you were breathing just fine or slip you chocolate frogs randomly because she knew you liked sweets. 

   she was your best friend, but with time your feelings changed and every little thing she did set fire through you like no other. Your heart would start beating so fast you were afraid she would hear it if she got to close. Sometimes you wished she did

   unbeknownst to you Draco, Blaise, and Theo all knew both you and Pansy liked each other and were both pussyfooting around your feelings. Pansy always thought she wasn’t good enough for you and you on the other hand thought that she just didn’t like you like that at all.

   the boy’s were adamant to see you two together

    ☼-☪-☼

   every other friday night all of you would crowd into Pansy’s room to have a sleepover- well you stopped calling it that after fourth year because Blaise said it was to immature for your guy’s age. He shut up real quick after Pansy said he wasn’t invited then. 

   each of you had your sacred tasks bestowed upon you if you wanted to be allowed entry to the dark cave that was Pansy Parkinson’s private dorm. Draco was in charge of getting butterbeer, Theo got sweets, Blaise had to collect extra pillows and blankets for you all to sleep on.

   and you and Pansy would watch idly as they ran round for said things. 

   “Finally, only took you three an hour” Pansy taunted as the three Slytherin boys walked through the door “Your not the one sneaking butterbeer into the dorms at two in the morning you lazy ass” Draco snapped back, holding the case of glass bottles in his hand. 

   Theo set the basket of sweets on Pansy’s trunk that was at the foot of her bed so he could help Blaise set up the blankets on the floor “Yeah shove off” she waves her hand before falling back onto the bed “Where’s Y/n? Is she not coming? She’s okay right?” BLaise asked, looking around the room.

   Pansy had to hold back a fit of laughter “She’s in the bathroom changing. Your dad is showing by the way” she snickers. Blaise scoffs and goes back to putting down the pillows.  “Why does she need to change?” Theo spoke up, taking a seat on a pillow.

   a grin made its way to Pansy’s face “Spilled some water on her clothes- she spilled water on her clothes” she quickly corrects herself. Draco narrows his eyes and looks at Blaise who gives him a knowing look. “Right” Draco says, knowing full well what happened. 

   the bathroom door opened and Pansy sat up quickly. You walked out, running a hand through your hair as the Slytherin girl eyed you up and down, unable to hide her grin at her shorts and matching black shirt on your body. “Hey Sexy” Pansy sends you a wink. 

   fuck

   you have learned to tone down your emotions around her, but still- “Hey” you reply simply nad go over to sit at the foot of the bed “Sorry for the wait” you say and they shake their heads “It’s fine, want some butterbeer?” Draco asked and you nod rapidly. 

   Draco begins to distribute the butterbeer amongst you all and that's when the chatting started. Pansy sat behind you and wrapped her arms around your waste, one hand holding her bottle of butter beer and the other wrapped tightly around you. 

   at one point she slid her hand up your shirt, stopping at your belly button to rub the cold metal of her ring along your skin. It made you choke on your butterbeer a bit and cough up “Are you alright?” Blaise asked and you nodded quickly, pointing to your throat “Went down the wrong pipe”

   Blaise seemed to believe your answer or faked it well because he went back to talking to Theo.

    ☼-☪-☼

   an hour later

   you all had pretty much devoured most of the sweets and were out of topics to talk about though Pansy could continue to insult Draco’s hair until her dying breath. “I’m fucking bored” Pansy whined, laying her head on your shoulder. Y/n.Exe has stopped working.

   “Not my damn problem” Draco retorts, popping a flavour bean into his mouth. You exhale, shaking your head. Weren’t your friends just the nicest people alive. “Good thing i didn’t fucking ask you then huh Malfoy!?” Pansy shouts. Blaise copies your previous actions and sighs.

   he reached up to rub his temples “May we not yell for the sake of my head and Theo’s” he says. Pansy was about to go in one Blaise when you spoke up “Yah, your yelling in my ears Pans” Draco shot her a smirk, knowing she wouldn’t yell after that. 

   Pansy flips him off with a grin “Sit and spin on it” she mouths to him and he just shoots her a glare “We could play truth to dare, heard a couple Hufflepuff girls talking about it. They said it was fun” Theo cut in, looking at his hands. Blaise’s face scrunched up a bit t the idea, but he didn’t say anything. 

   “Yes- your mine bitch” Pansy lets out a maniacal laugh as she points at Draco who looked more weirded out then scared “I’ll play since Theo is, what about you Y/n?” Blaise questioned. You shrug your shoulders “Sure, i’m always down to try things once”

   Pansy’s face lights up “Thank you babes. Now who goes first?” she asked. Blaise lifted his wand nd tapped the empty Butterbeer bottle, causing it to levitate “Pansy, spin it” he says. She shrugs and reaches over your shoulder to spin the bottle. 

   it took a couple seconds before it landed on the Slytherin prince himself. Draco scoffed, rolling his eyes “Fuck my life” he muttered as Pansy gave him a sickenly sweet smile “Draco, truth or dare prick” she said, keeping her wide smile. Draco looked like he was weighing his options in his mind. 

   “Truth”

   “What house did you want to be in when you were ten?” She asked. What a weird question. Draco’s face darkened s if he had seen a boggart, before he scowled “You fucking bitch” he seethed making you snicker a bit as well as Theo. “Say it~” she says in a sing song voice. 

   “Fine!” he shouts and takes a deep breath, crossing his arms like an angry child “I wanted to be in Gryffindor, like Harry Potter” the room was silent for a moment as you all stared at him blankly “Loser” Pansy laughs and he throws his arms in the air. 

   “I hate you”

   “Okay cool it Gryffindor” BLaise interjected, making all of you snicker. Draco narrowed his eyes at his mate “Your laughing now Zabini, just wait until i get you and your fucked” he threatens, but Blaise doesn’t have an reaction “Right...good luck with that”

   Draco spins the bottle and you all watch as it spins around for a couple seconds until it stops on the one and only Blaise Zabini “Well shit” he says with a deadpan look. Pansy gasped and covered her mouth “I can’t believe dad just cursed in front of us” she mutters to you, making you smile. 

   “Truth or dare Zabini?” Draco asked, a evil smirk on his face. Sometimes you forgot you were surrounded by Slytherin’s and your friends were assholes. “Dare since i’m not a pussy unlike my fellow housemates” Blaise grins, making Draco shake his head. 

   “Tell Theo you love him...in front of us”

   now Blaise wasn’t one for PDA and neither was Theo, probably one of the reasons they fit so well together. Draco was a dick for this one “I choose truth” he said instantly. You look at Theo who’s half smile turned into a grin. What was he planning? His face drops to a frown and he looks at Blaise.

   “You don’t love me?” he asked, his lip quivering a bit. What in the? All of you looked at Theo as Blaise stared at his boyfriend in shock “What?! No of course i do!” Blaise protests, but Theo doesn’t break from his character “Then say it” he persits. 

   all of you were stunned into silence, even loud mouth Pansy. Blaise looked like he was going to breakdown, which was an interesting look on his face actually “I- uh- what? I-” ne sputters, not knowing how to answer. Theo looks down at his lap “It’s fine i get it” he replies.

   he starts to sniffle, to make Blaise think he was crying which seemed to push - him over the edge. He grabs Theo’s face and makes him look at him “Oh my- i love you Theo. I’m in love with you. What has gotten into you?” he asked rapidly. Theo finally breaks and gives him a tired smile. 

   “I love you too. Who’s next?” he says, breaking away from Blaise who looked like he just went through all five stages of grief and is deciding to go through it all a second time. “Damn- that's tough” Pansy says, breaking the tension “Fuck you” Blaise snaps instantly making you all go wide eyed.

   you guys needed a dad swear jar

   Blaise huffs and spins the bottle, his usual smile with bad intentions coming back to his face once it lands on Pansy, who just sighs, mumbling some curses under her breath “Pans, truth or dare?” he asked. Pansy eyed him with a glare before smiling “Dare” she says. 

   you knew it was a bad idea

   “I dare you to make out with Y/n” he said casually, causing you to choke on your butterbeer “Excuse me!?” you interject “I didn’t laugh at you!” he shrugs his shoulders “Your just collateral damage Y/n, very sorry” he says. but you knew he wasn’t.

   “This is bullshit” you mutter, though the thought was making your heartbeat against your chest. Pansy shrugs nonchalantly before using her hand to tilt your head up so you were looking t the ceiling. This way she could reach you since she was sat behind you.

   Pansy leans down and plants her lips onto yours, leaving you shocked. You lose your grip of your butterbeer, causing it to fall, but Theo catches it. Pansy Parkinson was kissing you, the girl you fell in love with. This wasn’t a teasing touch or flirty comment. It was the real thing.

   and you loved it

   you reach up to put your hand on the nape of her neck to pull her in for  deeper kiss, feeling her grin against your lips. As you both got more heated the boys slowly left the room, leaving you two alone to do whatever the hell really. Good thing too, because it was only going to go further. 

   Pany’s free hand reaches up to wrap round your neck, not squeezing, but just gripping firmly to keep you in place. Fuck. Her tongue ran along your bottom lip and you opened your mouth slightly for her to slip her tongue in and connect it with yours.

   you always forget she has tongue ring

   it was nice to latch onto, hearing Pansy moan into your mouth was an added plus as well. You guessed Pansy was fed up with the current position because she pulled away and pushed you roughly back onto the bed, pulling your legs so you were closer to her.

   she leaned down, hovering over you “I should probably tell you i’m in love with you before anything else happens” hse spoke, a wide smile spreading across her face “Why?” you asked. “because- answer the question Y/n, do you love me too?” she spoke, you could tell she was getting anxious. 

   “Of course i love you. I have for a long time” you say, matching her smile “You're telling me i could have been kissing you like this sooner?” she asked with a small pout. You reach up and loop your arms around her neck “Then let’s not waste anymore time then huh?”

   Pansy grins before kissing you again. 

    ☼-☪-☼

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   @the--queen-of-hell @sonbelleame @dracosathenaeum @spaceconstellationss @marrymetheonott 

    ☼-☪-☼

   Kody: How come every Pansy fic i write so far is just really horny? Anyways, i haven’t slept yet and peace!

[phlox238]

i wrote a pretty long rymin fic and half of it is min being anxious and getting advice from a lesbian at a gay bar,,, it sucks but here it is anyway

2.5k words this is the most ive ever written

"So," The girl began, gesturing wildly with her hands. "You think you're in love with your best friend, who you've known since you were born, and you're in a band and traveling across Canada and the USA with. What did you say your name is?" 

"Oh, fuck." Min-gi sighed, letting his head rest in his hands. "This is weird, isn't it? I barely know you."

"Nah, I just thought that, if we're going to have a slightly drunk chat in the back of a gay bar, then we should know each other's names. I'm Eryn, and you?" Eryn stuck out her hand, the many bracelets she wore on her wrist clanking together. 

Min chuckled a little, then took her hand and shook it. Her dark skin was warm, which was surprising, since this part of the bar was near freezing. "Min-gi. But you can call me Min." 

"Awesome. So, tell me about it, Min." Eryn tightened her ponytail, leaning forward on her arms. 

"Tell you what about it? There's so many things that I could say." He was so caught up in this gay crisis stuff that he hadn't even considered stopping for a moment to really think about it.

Eryn shrugged. "Whatever you want to say. Get stuff off your chest, just let it out, if you want to. There's like, nobody else back here. Doesn't really matter, right? I'm not judgy." 

"Okay...well, he has a girlfriend, first of all; has had many of them. So he's not into dudes." Min crossed his arms. 

"Hey, he could still be. Just because he dates women doesn't mean he's straight. Could still be into guys. Don't give up hope just yet, okay?" Eryn laced her fingers together, as if she was planning something. The dark lighting of the bar didn't help anything.

“Damn,” Min rubbed his eyes. “I didn’t know you could like both.”

Not without laughing at him first, Eryn started to explain. "Oh, wow, you really are new to this, huh?" She chuckled a little more, shaking her head. “That’s okay. There’s a lot of different ways to love people, you just gotta figure out what works for you. Oh, also; it isn’t just both. There’s the genderqueer people, too, don’t forget about them!” She smiled. 

Min didn’t quite know what genderqueer meant, but he figured he could find out later. He was asking too many questions already. "Damn...how do you know all of this? I only realized I was, er, gay, like six months ago."  Min marveled at her, the same way a nerd at school would marvel at the 'cool kids.' And honestly, she really looked like one, with her ponytail and undercut, her yellow, patched leather jacket, even the flashy jewelry she wore.

It made Min want to start dressing differently. Dressing cooler, like Ryan, like Eryn. Maybe he could.

Eryn grinned wider. "Oh, you know. It's just things you pick up along the way. I've known that I'm lesbian for a long time, since I was like 11. And I'm 21 now, so that's a long time. Lots of experience." She shuffled a little in her seat, taking another drink of beer. "Anyway. We're getting off track, aren't we? Keep talking, man." 

Min laughed, a real laugh. "Okay, okay. A year ago, we, er…" He reached desperately for an explanation for the train, but decided that, just maybe, he could tell her. Really, the worst that she could think of him is that he's a drug user. "Can I tell you something? It's going to sound absolutely insane, probably, but I just. Need to tell someone." 

She looked concerned, her dark brown eyes wide, but nodded anyway. "That's real ominous. But sure, go for it."

"Okay. So. Stick with me, here. A year ago, him and I got on a train, right? But then, there was another train door within the train. We just...went into the door. Well, the bastard threw my keys into it and then ran in, so how could I not follow?" Eryn was looking at him intently like she understood. Min could tell he was pretty drunk by now; he'd never be able to open up to someone this much sober. But that's okay. More than okay, really. 

"It gets even weirder from then on. Ryan- that's his name, by the way- and I woke up on a giant, infinie train in the middle of nowhere. Gotta be pretty unbelievable, though. You probably think I'm on drugs." Min sighed.

Eryn was silent for a moment, but it was obvious she was getting ready to explode. "Dude, no fucking way!" Yep, there it was. "I got on that train! When I was eleven. I was super conflicted on my sexuality, had a shit ton of internalized homophobia as a result of having homophobic family. I felt like a disgusting person. So I got on the train, and it actually helped me through it." She'd completely lit up when Min mentioned the train. Looked like she was going to grab him by the shoulders and shake him. 

For a moment, Min was speechless. Soon, though, he regained his voice. "You're kidding," was all he could muster.

"Nope." Eryn's grin nearly reached her ears. "Did you have someone to help you along, too? There was a white cat named Samantha for me. She was French, for some reason. But I miss her." 

"Oh! Yeah, Ryan and I had a floating, talking bell named Kez. Weird, right?. I miss her, too. Wonder how she's doing." Min thought for a second, completely and utterly relieved to have met someone else to share an experience with. Then something clicked. "Hold on...I might have met this cat you speak of. Yellow eyes? Uh, blonde...hair?" 

"Blonde hair? Well, she didn't have that. But yeah, yellow eyes, French accent." Eryn nodded. They were silent for a moment. 

Min chuckled, suddenly getting the urge to continue on with their story. Telling someone about the train would feel wonderful. "We had a lot of...issues...regarding our friendship, at the time. That's why the train picked us up in the first place." He fiddled with the hem of his shirt. "The train did help us. But we had a lot of weirdly intimate moments on it, and that's where my sexuality crisis started. Like, there was a car where we had to perform a song with each other to get out of it, and of course I got stage fright right before it. I left him alone on stage. Again." Min paused, the guilt almost making him feel like he was living through that moment again. 

Eryn nudged him. "And? That doesn't sound intimate. What happened next?" 

"I hid in the bathroom. So he came in, and at first he was angry, but I was having a full on anxiety attack. We sat in the bathtub, hip to hip, knee to knee. It was weird, but nice. He helped me calm down. And like...in our last year of Highschool, I gave him a shirt with our band name on it. In that bath tub, he had it with him. He kept it. Said he'd never done a show without it." Min laughed, but there wasn't much humor about it. "Man, I wanted to kiss him so bad right then and there. But I didn't." 

Eryn had a soft look in her eyes. "I dunno about you, but that sounds pretty damn gay to me. Maybe he's just dating other people to distract himself from his crush on you, who knows! All I'm trying to say is, don't give up on this, Min. You two have something going on, I don't know what, but it could blossom into a relationship." She patted him on the shoulder, then took another drink of her beer. 

Min did the same. "What if he's not gay?" His voice was small. "Worse, what if he's homophobic? I don't know...fuck, it's terrifying. I could lose him because I'm gay." 

"Well," Eryn paused for a moment, "you could try and subtly bring it into conversation. Maybe, like, bring up a celebrity who's gay. See his reaction." She gestured with her hands a lot, Min noticed. 

Min nodded. It seemed simple in theory, but he knew he'd manage to fuck it up somehow. The logical part of his brain knew Ryan wouldn't leave him for being gay, but at the same time, there was this voice in the back of his head. Irrational thoughts, irrational fears; that's all it spoke of. 

"Thank you. Really. It's been nice to talk about this, especially with someone who's been on the train. That thing is...a freak of nature. Maybe not even nature, I don't know. I'll try that with him, too." Min said finally, after some silence. Eryn laughed. 

"Yeah, it absolutely is." She smiled widely. Eryn glanced around, her eyes finally landing on the only visible clock in this part of the bar. Her eyes widened. "Shit, I should really get going! Sorry. I told my girlfriend I'd be back around now." She, out of nowhere, gave Min a hug. It'd been a while since he'd hugged anyone, he realized, and it felt nice. Although, very unexpected. 

Min hugged her back, sort of awkwardly. They separated soon after.

"That's okay. Again...thank you, so much. I should get young too." By now, it was almost 11 pm, and he figured he should leave as well. Ryan should be back at their apartment soon enough. 

Min was about to turn and leave, but Eryn stopped him.

"Hey! How about we exchange phone numbers? This was a good chat, eh? I'd like to stay in contact." Eryn searched her pockets for a pen and some paper, but only found a marker. "Can I, like, write it on your arm and you can do the same?"

Min knew Ryan would tease him over it, but oh, well, he made a new friend. "Yeah, that's fine." He laughed, offering her his arm. She quickly scribbled her number on it, and honestly, it was barely legible. But he could read it, somewhat. 

He then wrote his number on her arm, they exchanged goodbyes, and were on their way. Min dreaded returning to Ryan, who would definitely start to go on and on about his girlfriend, and just prove to make Min feel worse about his stupid crush.

But maybe, just maybe, Eryn was right. Maybe things would finally go his way for once. 

•••

Min's walk home was quiet (as quiet as New York can be at night) and cold, it being the middle of November. Snow was just beginning to fall. Being outside Eryn's words stuck in his head like glue. Talk to him. As if he could do that. The idea of even just mentioning anything close to being gay made anxiety rise in his throat like bile. 

He couldn't. Probably.

Before he could think much more on it, he was home. Home. Back to the decent one bedroom apartment they'd scraped up all of the money in their pockets to buy. Back to the scent of cigarette smoke in the air, back to the strange stains on the carpet in the hallway. Most importantly, back to Ryan. No matter how much resentment Min-gi might hold to him for having a girlfriend, Ryan usually made things better. 

He walked up the stairs and down the hall to apartment number 202, ironically. Unlocked and opened the door to find it dark inside save for a single lamp. Min walked in, curious, just to find Ryan curled up in the fetal position on the sofa. That really made him anxious.

"Hey...Ryan? You good, man?" Min sat on the empty portion of the sofa, near his head. 

Ryan stirred, rolling over onto his back. His head was resting a bit on Min's thigh, and it felt kind of nice. 

"I dunno…" He mumbled. "She broke up with me." 

"What?" Min looked down at Ryan, surprised. "Lisa? You're kidding." 

"Nope, not kidding." Ryan laced his fingers together over his stomach. "The thing is...I'm like, kind of relieved that she did it? How fucked up is that?"  

Min tilted his head in confusion. He really wanted to run his hand through Ryan's hair, but that was a really inappropriate thought for the moment. 

"She, uh...said some things. When she broke up with me." He sighed. "Called me a fag." Ryan laughed, like he found it funny. Min didn't. 

"Dude, what? Why?" Min's voice was a little shaky, for no other reason than that they were talking about gay people. 

Ryan sighed. "Take a good look at us, Min." He brought his forearm up to cover his eyes. "We're two dudes, living in a one bedroom apartment together. We do everything together. Of course she's gonna think there's something going on." 

Min felt like he was going to fucking disintegrate. "U-Uh...and that's a bad thing?"

"I mean...no. It just kind of clicked that...maybe she's right. Maybe I am gay." Ryan sat up, his back facing towards Min. He didn't look back. " I always assumed that I'd be straight, but this...it makes sense. None of my relationships have ever worked out. With women." 

Min reached out and gently touched his shoulder. "Ryan...it's okay." 

Ryan looked back, now, and his eyes were watery. Min frowned.

“How could it be okay?” His voice cracked as he spoke. “It’s just another reason for people to hate me. For my parents to hate me. Hell, maybe even you.” By the time that he finished talking, his voice was almost inaudible. 

"No!" Min almost shouted, jolting forward. "No. Ryan, I could never hate you." Fuck, how was he supposed to tell Ryan he's gay now? Part of him wanted to shout it out impulsively, but the other part, it just wanted to keep hiding. Because what if something goes wrong? What if Ryan's in love with someone else? All what ifs. He really needed to stop. 

Min inhaled deeply. Here goes. "This is gonna sound really coincidental, but...I'm gay too." 

Quickly, Ryan turned around to face Min. His eyes were wide behind his glasses. 

"What? No fucking way. You're kidding." Ryan was leaning forward, using his fists to prop him up. 

Min shook his head. "No...I'm not. I was gonna tell you soon anyway, but now seemed like a good time." He scratched his head awkwardly.

Then, Ryan launched at him, hugging him. Arms wrapped around his neck, knees touching Min's thighs, the whole package. Min was sure he'd die with how flushed his face was; but thankfully, he didn't. 

After what felt like a while, Ryan finally spoke. 

"I love you." He mumbled into Min's shoulder. 

Min paused. "In a gay way, or…?" 

Ryan laughed. "Yeah, you idiot." He shook his head in amusement. 

"Good. That's...great." He hugged Ryan tighter, finally letting himself run his fingers through his hair. It was soft, just like he expected. "I love you too." 

[positively-patroclus]

Weird Things That Happened and I Was Taught in American High School and Middle School

Tw: vomit mentions, MAP mentions, School Shooting mentions, tw blood, and tw sex

-Sex Ed. 

Ours was watching three ladies give birth. There was blood and it was gross. No, I didn't learn anything about my body, and we learned nothing about sexual health. Just babies being born. 

-Sex Ed. A different year. The importance of chastity and not having premarital sex. Also asecuals don’t exist. (I exist textbook)

-Weight: 130+ is bad. Don’t get over that. If you do you are fat and ugly. Also watch this video where they throw up :) you totally won’t throw up too

-Peeing is bad. You don’t need to pee for six hours. Changing a pad is impossible to actually do. You can handle not changing it for almost six hours

-If one person misbehaves, you must all get punished so they feel bad

-Is it really a math class without someone causing the ADHD queer kid to have a panic attack because the homophobic girls are telling him to k*ll himself and he gets in trouble?

-You can only miss a class ten times a semester. Oh you missed 11? Well now you have to retake that class.

-Oh you are being bullied and defended yourself? Bad Student

-Oh the three kids who died in a car wreck this year? After that we had to watch a video of people literally dying to try to scare us. There was so much blood

-There were two school sh**ting threats when i was in eight grade. They didn’t tell us till the day it was supposed to happen and didn’t let anyone go home. Same with the second time. I had a panic attack both times and my standpartner had to take me to the bathroom both times so i could actually calm down. 

-Food? You have fifteen minutes to eat before we start kicking you out of the lunch room

-Pledge your allegiance to the flag everyday 

-my hours for in person school are 7am-3pm. When i take drivers ed it will be 7am-5pm so longer than an average american workday before the homework

-5+ hours of homework a night

-walking to school in -15F (-26C) or colder weather and that being normal 

-the fact that a lot of people i know refuse to miss days even if they are super sick on testing days. In 2019 i went to school with a fever, pneumonia, and bronchitis, because missing my test was a death sentence. 

-PE teachers being pedos. I was 13 and had the other teacher (a pedo) stare at my boobs as i ran

-If you don’t run the mile in less than 12 minutes, you have to redo it because it wasn’t good enough. 

-I ran the mile with pneumonia one year and in an ankle brace a different year 

-history class only being about America (at least the required history. You can take the world history but you don’t need to to graduate) where slavery is literlly glorifed and christoper columbus is hailed as a hero. And War Propaganda 

-having to pay to take drivers ed. Art classes, cooking classes, home ecc, etc.

-i took a multicultural studies and a sociology class this year, i found out last night they don’t count for my credits so i have to take two extra classes next year.

[kraiyan]

i made my own little headcannons to fit in if michael and jeremy were dating and a bunch of other stuff that i don’t want to spoil so take my headcannons and please don’t pay attention to my overuse of the words ‘so’ and ‘like’

i wrote this headcannons for me in my notes so there are mentions of panic/anxiety attacks, light mentions of an eating disorder, nightmares, and self harm but i’ll just put a trigger warning for when those parts show up and if i missed anything that is triggering please let me know

- michael is trans and gay and jeremy is bisexual

- i think they would’ve been friends since kindergarten so they grew up telling each other EVERYTHING

- i feel like michael was really girly as a kid but in like 6th grade he just completely switched to like tomboy but he didn’t do on purpose it just happened

- then in seventh grade michael told jeremy he wanted to be a boy then after that with help from jeremy he came out to his moms

- michael had a crush in jeremy since 7th grade but i don’t think jeremy was his first crush

- i think since michael was straight when he was a girl he just assumed he was straight as a boy and his sexual awakening was captain sparklez

- michael has two moms and jeremys mom would’ve died in a car accident so it’s just him and his dad

- i imagine they confessed to each other in their second year of high school

- (TW: mentions of abuse) jeremy realized he liked michael in freshman year and it was really bad he could not stop thinking about him so when he got squip squip l would not stop punishing him for it

- so jeremy definitely has some problems with his bisexuality

- after years of pining for each other when they finally kissed jeremy could not stop panicking about it

- like they went to sleep fine but he was internally panicking and he tried to keep it together but the next day he absolutely broke just started sobbing saying over and over again “is this okay, are we okay”

- michael is the type to listen to a vulgar music to help his dysphoria

- so him and jeremy are in his car michael plugs in his phone and just starts singings “hoes want to be seen with me and i like their big thick titties”

- and jeremy can do nothing else but be like michael what the fuck

- they decided to keep their relationship a secret and not tell anyone bc of jeremy still coming to terms with himself and he didn’t think his dad would understand

- but i feel like michael moms had already pieced together that they were dating and jeremy didn’t mind that they knew bc they’re literally lesbians but every time jeremy came over from that point forward they had to keep their door open

-(TW: mention of an eating disorder) in a different angstier au jeremy would struggle with eating as a control thing after squip

- (TW: mention of an eating disorder) in an angstier au michael would have an eating disorder cause dysphoria

- i feel like once he realized he was trans he had really bad dysphoria but like with therapy and stuff he got over it

- so i think michael really liked afycso and had it on a vinyl and now jeremy knows all the words

- they don’t do anything at school because jeremy is still uncomfortable so they just pursuit their relationship between closed doors and michaels car in an empty parking lot

- i feel like they both got really excited when michael got referred to as sir for the first time

- jeremy and michael grew up together but ironically when puberty hit michael started to wear baggy clothes than he wore a binder than he wore super baggy clothes to hide his tits after coming out but during squip he had time to self reflect and work on his dysphoria so when jeremy saw michael outside of school he kinda said TITS and was so caught off guard by them

-(TW: mentions of self harm scars) i think michael has sh scars due to losing his childhood best friend and the whole panic attack in the bathroom thing and jeremys seen them but didn’t bring it up to michael because they’re fading so he obviously doesn’t do it anymore but it was a huge shock for jeremy to find out

- they never brought it up tho and it was never discussed bc who cares it was in the past

- michael pants his nails black and i think on some very rare occasion jeremy would paint his nails too (like the way karl paint his) and michael has lots of nail polish cuz on the rare occasion he paints his nails different colors and he repainted his nails every two weeks

- no matter how many times michael has changed in the same room as jeremy even let jeremy help take off his binder jeremy will never not get shy when he changes and will always ask to go into another room

- jeremy is a coffee person but not hot coffe because he always drinks it too early and burns his tongue

- he originally bought his hoodie™️ in really huge size to battle dysphoria but that just made the hoodie last for years

- jeremys name in michaels phone is something very gay and lovey and shit and michaels name on jeremys phone is just michael :)

- jeremy would come home all suspicious and and red faced after him and michael came from an empty parking lot that his dad would not stop begging him to meet this girlfriend of his

- i don’t think jeremy told his dad him and michael were playing a game or something and they kiss jeremys dad comes in and is like what 😦

-and his dad is shocked that he has been pushing girlfriend but he has a boyfriend and is just soooooo awkward about it and never sees michael the same but never makes any rules about them bc he doesn’t want to be homophobic 😭

- i don’t think he was really not supportive but it took him a bit to get used to it but it was so new to him and he was just so phased he just kinda talked to jeremy about his sexuality then left it at that

- they are like gendebend bubbline (marshal lee and the other one yk)

- michael has a queen vinyl the listen to a lot

- so i think michael would still smoke a bit and one time he convinced jeremy to do it with him and jeremy mainly coughed a lot then they just made out the rest of the time but they didn’t tell their parents they would be staying out after school and they both got in trouble

- michael gets blue raspberry and jeremy gets cherry but he also gets coke sometimes too (slushy flavors)

- at the beginning of their relationship they had to take it really slow so that jeremy would feel coqmfortable

- (TW: mentions of panic attacks) so jeremy has nightmares of squip and he wakes up having panic attacks and it’s really tiring bc he only gets 2 hours of sleep if he has these nightmares

- (TW: mentions of panic attacks) i feel like along with his nightmares he also had panic attacks that squip would punish him for pursuing a relationship with a guy let alone michael

- so after he got over his nightmares he just struggled with sleeping and nighttime in general like just fear around going to sleep

- so he often stayed up alll night to avoid sleeping and would like go to bed at 6 or on a good day 4 or 5

- so i think to get over his fear he had to make a routine first he would make some sort of hot drink or just water (mostly sleepy time tea) then he would text michael that he was going to sleep he also wears the same pajamas every time he goes to sleep just to make sure the routine really works then lastly he reads a comic book then he goes to bed

- i think the reason jeremy couldn’t sleep well after getting over the nightmares is because even if squip doesn’t haunt him enough to show up in his dreams anymore it still haunts him enough to stress him out constantly so he doesn’t sleep well

- to conclude the nightmare and sleeping saga jeremy basically has a night routine and sleeps with a night light

- i feel like they both go to therapy but we’re to scared to tell each other (and they both started going to therapy before they started dating)

- so fast forward they’re dating and are trying to plan a date and jeremys like i’m busy on monday at 1 and my dad needs me to help him with something on tuesday so how about wednesday at 3 and michaels like i have somewhere to be like at 3:30 and jeremys like where do you have to be and michaels like where do YOU have to be and so they count to three and say where they’re going to be and they both say therapy and then they’re like you go to therapy i think that would be so cute

- so michael has really thick glasses like his vision is awful so if jeremy is mad at michael he would wake up early and move his glasses over so michael would have to struggle to get out of bed and look for them with his poor ass vision

- he can see things right in front of his face but as soon as it moves a bit too far it’s blurry

- and speaking of his galsses if they’re really kissing along the way jeremy would take of his glasses so they could get closer to each other’s faces (like how elle and tao do in heartstopper )

- michael and jeremy have been friends way too long to not have practiced kissing with each other

- i think christine was a long time crush for jeremy so he definitely practiced kissing michael a lot since they were in 6th grade and michael was just soaking that shit up

- he’d be like what if she wants to make out we should practice that and jeremys like oh yeah you’re right and michael would be so freaking happy

- but they definitely got caught by jeremys dad and he laughed it off cause what else are you meant to when your 11 year old son and his 12 year old best friend are kissing each other

- they didn’t do it anymore after that cause they were soooooooooo embarrassed

- so i don’t talk about the rest of the characters but i’m about to make a headcannon including them so i’m gonna say my headcannons

- so chole is demisexual and panromantic

- brooke is a lesbian

- rich is bisexual and trans

- jake is pan

- jenna is questioning or straight

- and christine is aro/ace

- so i think jeremy and christine dated for a bit then christine broke up with him cause she was all like i can see the way you look at michael and also because she realized she was feeling intense platonic attraction not romantic

- and also i think they’re all friends so they have a group chat where they send homework answers and stuff

- so i think one time jeremy is doing his nighttime routine but this particular night he’s really tired so he texts michael goodnight bby <3 love u then skips the comic book reading and goes to bed but he sent it to their group chat so as soon as he got situated into bed all he hears is his phone going off so he has to check and it’s just everyone freaking out

- so he like fully sits up is looking at his phone in complete shock then realizes he never said a name so they are like who’s this mystery girl

- so he calls michael tells him about the situation then decides he’s ready to come out

- so the next day they’re more handsy then usual like jeremy wiped something off his face michael saw that he was cold and pulled him real close and their friends are like okayyyyy

- but mind you christine knew that jeremy liked michael so she knew exactly what was happening

- so at the end of the day their friend group is making plans to hang out but everyone was busy so jeremy goes well i’ll see you guys tomorrow waves at everyone kisses michael then starts walking to his house then michaels like yea i’m gonna head home to and like drives away and from that day forward their friends would not stop teasing them and were impressed they could keep there secret for so long

- so i feel like michaels moms both have jobs that run late so mom #1 is an er nurse and mom #2 is an account so this leaves michael a lot of time of being alone in his house so naturally you need to take advantage

- so one time mom #2 gets home and walks in just to see jeremy fully on the counter making out with her son

- i don’t think they got in trouble but his mom was like please not on the counter

- and then there was another time where mom #1 came home on her break cause she doesn’t live far from the er so she like yells to michael that she’s home

- and so naturally you come down to hug your mom so he comes down to greet his mom with a red faced jeremy behind him and his mom thought this was so fucking funny but as soon as she’s done laughing she immediately goes anytime jeremys over the doors open and that was the end of it

- everyone has this one thing that someone does that make them all blushy and stuff

- for jeremy it’s when michael wears fitting clothes cause michael is known to wear hoodies or just baggy clothes in general so when michael does get hot and needs to like put something on he puts on one of those body fitting v necks and jeremy losses his shit like he’s fully blushing and avoiding eye contact and since michael changed cause he was hot he’s sure that jeremy is so hot that his face is turning red and he’s embarrassed to say to take off his cardigan so the entire time jeremy is being full homo for his boyfriend michael is thinking he’s about to pass out from a heat stroke

- so i think jeremy enjoys this so much that for the first week of spring michael will only wear fitted clothes because jeremy loves it

- for michael it’s when he’s kissing jeremys neck and jeremy runs his hand thru his hair and pulls it a little when this happens michael loses all common sense one because jeremys enjoying himself so much that he has to kinda tug on michaels hair and two he’s enjoying it so much he doesn’t have time to think that squip is going to punish him and that makes michael just lose his mind so by the time they’ve pulled apart jeremy as sooooo many hickies and they both look at each other like what the fuck did we just do

- moving right along i feel like when jeremy wakes up at night and is terrified to go back to sleep if him and michael are sleeping together he will like hug him until he gets back to sleep and it works every time

- when they were like 7 jeremy got really sick with the flu and michael was so scared that he was going to die so he kissed him while he was sleeping because if his best friend was gonna die so was he and the next day he got really sick with the flu and jeremy would not stop crying because he thought that since michael refused to leave his side he got him sick…they’re idiots

- jeremy is the type to go to school with the worst fever ever he could throw up in the middle of the school day and still not go to the nurse and if he got sick during junior year forget it you had to strap him down to his bed if you wanted him to take a day off like michael had to sedecue him into staying in bed and taking medication so that he could feel better

[hnychn]

𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐀 𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐄

pairing: mina x fem! reader

summary: no one every thought you were capable of exploding, but they also didn't know they were only lighting your fuse. and it was slowly getting shorter.

note🐝: warning: homophobia!! i love this girl too much not to write a headcanon about her. also! i know i said i would be working on a hawks fic, but it's a lot harder than i thought it would be lol. so instead, i'll be working on smaller headcanon fics while i work on it! i have a little angsty one coming up next with class a's big three :) as always, lmk what you thought! 🤍 -honey

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

so to begin with, your relationship with mina is very much ✨yes✨

like bro, she's so hype and energetic and ready to do just about anything

and you're so calm and down to earth and ready to do just about anything

you just go along with her ideas, no matter how crazy they can be

because you're 🥰whipped🥰

but i mean who wouldn't?

anyways, so as much as I'd like to believe this world is 100% a utopia, it isn't

so when you and mina came out with your relationship,

obviously all of your friends supported you guys,

but there were some people who would give the two of you disgusted looks in the halls

and they would talk shit behind your back,

but never to your face, assholes 😤

but y'all two are some ✨bad bitches✨

so you don't fucking care 🤪🤪

like talk yo shit bitch

but we all know you're just scared 🥰🥰

but recently you notice mina has been a bit reserved with her love for you in public

like, normally she's all over you and kissing your cheeks and shit 24/7 🥰🥰

ugh i love her

and she's a confident girl and you know she doesn't pay much attention to all the nasty words people throw your way

so you don't really worth much

but she has been reserved like i said

and you start to worry 😔✋🏼

in your dorms during cuddle time, you ask her

"is everything okay, amor?"

please i'm spanish let me have this 😩

and she just nods, "of course, babe."

so you leave it at that

because the two of you are so communicative in your relationship

you think she'll tell you when she's ready

but she doesn't

so you get even more worried.

and you go ask jirou about it

and she looks at you a bit weird because

"bitch you don't know?"

you shake your head.

jirou sighs, "some people have been cornering her after school and calling her some. . .not so pretty names for being lesbian.."

and you just-

I SEE REDDD,

REDD

you have never been one for confrontation,

and actively avoided it

but being friends with bakusquad only riased your chances of being in arguments or fights

you were the passive one of the group

the one hat kept bakugo in line

but everyone had their limits

and yours was just pushed 🥰🥰

completely disregarding the fact that first class was about to start,

you for their names and class number from jirou

and off you were 😌

the rest of bakusquad, who weren't too far off and heard jirou spill the beans to you, were hot on your trail

kiri was trying to rationalise with you, they all were,

🦈 "c'mon, y/n, classis gonna start soon, this isn't worth it."

💥 "be smart about this, dumbass! you'll get suspended!"

⚡️ "maybe you should calm down a bit y/n!"

mina and sero weren't there

the two went off to get some drinks before class started

and were chilling in class thinking y'all just went off to the bathroom or whatever

now, when you get to their class you just-

bURST IN

your hands curled into fists by your side and a calm look on your face

but your eyes were bringing with pure rage

their teacher wasn't there yet either

and you-

"where the fuck is nishida and akame?"

your voice was chilly calm and it sent shivers down everyone's spine

kirishima had a grip on the back of your shirt to make sure you shouldn't do anything stupid

bakugo and kaminari were just standing at the door

a boy and a girl then stood up, a condescending look on their faces

"what's it to you, bitch?"

i'm sorry i just can't write a homophobic slur it physically hurts me 😭✋🏼

"is this about us cornering that pink bitch?"

"you concerned about your lover, freak?"

"the pair of you are nothing but disgusting."

you didn't really take any of their comments to heart

but obviously mina did if she started to be more reserved

and your heart begins to race from all the r a g e burning in your body

because you start to imahinehow mina must have felt

have to face such harsh words alone

and bottling it all up

and how harsh they must have been to have her, a girl so confident and optimistic, become reserved

and in the blink of an eye, you

fUCKING LUNGE AT THEM

and begin to bEAT THE SHIT OUTTA THEM

kiri, baku, and kami are low-key cheering you on

but also ready to jump in if you start losing

which you don't 🥰

because you're a bad bitch 🥰

and you know how to fight 🥰

but you also don't realise that some people begin to record

oops-

i won't go into detail about the fight, you can imagine it however you want

plus i'm terrible at writing fight scenes 😭✋🏼

but eventually the teacher shows up

and goes to get aizawa because she recognises the four of you as 1-a students

so he comes, ahaha 😅

and he sees you going at these two students

(highkey proud you're winning).

now, aizawa isn't stupid

he's heard the whispers

and he hates that two of his students are being bashed for just loving

dadzawa

but he's a teacher first and foremost,

so he binds you up and pulls you away from the students

some students groan from the entertainment being over

aizawa glares at them

he gives you a little glare when you struggle a bit in his binds

"kirishima, bakugo, kaminari," aizawa's voice booms through the silence that settled over the class, "detention for not stopping this when i know you three could have very well prevented it."

but i know why you didn't - words unspoken on aizawa's tongue.

"you're coming with me, l/n"

so he unbinds you and the two of you walk to his office

it's silent when you get there and he gestures for you to take a seat

"do you know why what you did was wrong?"

you nod.

"you you regret it?"

your answer came almost instantly, "no. and i would do it again in a heartbeat."

aizawa nodded, "good."

and you-

HUH???? 😀

"i understand why you did it and i don't blame you for wanting to confront the people who hurt mina, but you also understand why i have to suspend you, right?"

you nod.

he nods.

it's a mutual understanding he wouldn't suspend you if he had the choice,

but he has to

so you're suspended .

and the videos the other students took blow up

and it gets back to mina

so she watches it obviously

and 😳😳😳

she was bLUSHINGGG

like bro-

tHATS YOU??

her calm bundle of joy??

absolutely hammering those two students??

she has a hard time believing it

but lo and behold, there's the charm bracelet the two of you add to every anniversary on your wrist

the one you're punching the boy with 💀💀

and -

she has never in her life been more turned on like-

hOLY FUCK THATS HOT 😫😫

"CAN YOU BEAT ME LIKE THAT PLEASE??"

like queen, what? 😀

she bursts into your dorm after school

and throws herself onto you

and

"baby the was both the scariest and hottest thing i've ever seen.."

while peppering kisses to your neck

and her hand slithers its way up your shirt

c h i l l s

"yeah?" you smirk

she hums and sucks hickies onto your neck-

😌😌😌 yeah. . .

shit gets a little steamy after that 😌😌

after,

the two of you are just chilling in the after glow,

the sweat sticking you two together a bit, but neither of you minded

mina traces over the hickies she left on your chest and neck, "you should get angry more often."

"if it'll lead to more of this, then you know damn straight i will."

after that no one cares to even look in either of your directions 😌

[xclusivetism]

Debunking ‘gender identity’ by gender ≠ sex.

Having gender identity may seem noble divergence from our gender rigid society, the solution to stop such and embrace self-expression.

However after examining it through, ‘gender identity’ the way the ideology says doesn’t really exist and actually still perpetuates gender conformity.

And no, there’s no need for “there’s only two sexes” or any science  argument at all to disprove gender identity. Gender ideology so f l a w e d that it can do it perfectly itself out of any of above the fastest just by Gender ≠ sex.

You probably read many things that try to disprove gender and thought it was wrong or outdated that scientist have discover there’s people with XXXY.

But after reading this, If it doesn’t peak you or at least make you question gender, then i honestly really don’t know what will other than to call you deluded.

What is Gender

Gender ≠ sex is the essential foundation of gender.

To order to know the difference, we need to know what individually each are.

Gender is a social construct

Gender Identity

Gender expression

That means.

Sex is a physical construct

Sex

Sexual orientation

The first thing that instantly break Gender ≠ sex

“Sex is not binary, Sex is a spectrum or intersex exist”

That already outed you as a hypocrite especially when responding to “there’s only two sexes” saying that they’re conflating sex and gender.

Why should sex being binary or not be relevant to gender identity?

LGB and T are antithetical.

Since Gender ≠ Sex, LGB and T shouldn’t be consider one.

Sexuality is a Sexual orientation not a gender orientation, to suggest it means gender too is conflation.

For a trans-woman to say they’re lesbian or a trans-man to say they’re gay is incorrect & impossible because they’re straight. Gender identity doesn’t shift sexuality status because they’re separate things and to suggest so is homophobic. For a trans to say that invalidates their identity is another conflation of gender and sex.

LGB is a sex-based group while T is a gender-based group. One’s based on sexual attraction and the other is based on changing gender, they are absolutely nothing alike.

‘Cis’ is enough entitlement to be trans exclusive.

Terfs don’t like being called ‘Cis’

But let’s say they drop the belief that “transwomen aren’t real women” and say “transwomen aren’t ciswomen” and want spaces of their own

They put the ‘Cis’ prefix 

Cis woman schools

Cis woman attracted

Cis woman bathroom

Cis woman sports

Cis woman locker rooms

Cis woman administrator 

Cis woman health

Cis women history

etc.

Instead of saying “only women can breastfeed” they use “only AFAB can breastfeed”.

According to TRA logic, all that would be valid.

To for one to say that’s segregation, you would also have to believe separation of men and women or other types groups is segregation as well. A Cis person doesn’t have the trans experience and that goes the other way around.

‘Transwo/man’ is transphobic itself.

Gender ≠ Sex physical transitioning would be a conflation.

If it’s not a conflation, that would imply that physical features are social constructs which includes reproduction, sexuality etc.

Gender is a social construct, all you need to be a gender is identify.

Gender dysphoria is only a social dysphoria, if it’s about the physical then it’s really sex dysphoria. To say it isn’t is conflation.

But even identifying as a ‘wo/man’ itself also is transphobic because the meaning behind it is sex base.

the definition of wo/man.

Adult human fe/male being

What does fe/male mean?

(Female) of or denoting the sex that can bear offspring or produce eggs, distinguished biologically by the production of gametes (ova) which can be fertilized by male gametes.

(Male) of or denoting the sex that produces small, typically motile gametes, especially spermatozoa, with which a female may be fertilized or inseminated to produce offspring.

One can go down in the definition to point that it also means this.

Relating to wo/men or the fe/male gender.

To say wo/man in the definition also refer to gender, isn’t that a conflation and breaking Gender ≠ Sex? My oh my so many usage of the word conflation.

Gender identity.

Non-binary is not a gender, nothing of it say it’s a gender. It’s just non-binary of something which is usually assumed of not being man or woman. But not being a man or woman doesn’t say of what it is only of what it is not. If the binary part is something else that mean a person who identifies as a woman or man (including cis) can be considered non-binary. Non-binary is really just a slot. 

So far the solid identifies are

Man

Woman

Neutrois

Queer

Agender 

Androgyne is both man and woman. Genderqueer wo/man is both of queer and wo/man. Pangender is all.

Everything else is either a flux, degree, combination of the above or based on a different concept. Things like such as bigender are umbrella because it doesn’t specify if it’s man or woman or something else.

That being said, the only one that’s truly gender non-conformist is agender. Queer is still gender conforming just not to man or woman.

What are the distinctive qualities of each identity?

It’s said that gender expression is different than identity and that someone who identifies as a boy can be very feminine still.

So we’re not gonna use association of masculinity, femininity etc. to define it then.

So what identity mean is it’s usually answered as someone’s ‘personal sense.’

If it’s a personal sense that mean it would be mean it’s a personal construct.

Personal or social construct regardless, it doesn’t say the characteristics. If you can’t point out what to define the labels become hallow. 

There’s many things that aren’t concrete that can show one it’s existence.

An abstract thing like 1, can present it’s existence.

A thing we cannot fully see of like the 4D can present it’s existence.

Even pseudo scientific like zodiacs signs have specific qualities to describe, personality types and even religion has something to define.

In the means of gender, all the identities really sums down to meaningless labels. In the means of sex, the word woman or man are names for physical characteristics that is observed at birth. 

Problem with “assigned gender identity at birth”

No one was “assigned” at birth, “cis” people don’t match what their doctors assign. Assign word implies duty and a job. Assign is often a thing that doesn’t always taking what the subject is to account, for example you being assigned to a seat is sometimes random and not based your rowdiness or attentiveness. 

The doctor characterised people a ‘wo/man’ based on observing them. Woman and Man are distinguisher (just like fruits and veggies) of physical characteristics.

People are assigned a gender expression at life.

Gender identity doesn’t exist other than being a label, gender identity is based on sex hence that label. What’s assigned is actually gender expression.

What Society does

(Biology) Sex → gender identity ↓ ←gender expression (Society)

↓ Gender identity → gender roles

What TRAs think to solve it

gender identity ←gender expression (society)

Gender identity → gender roles

Sex ← gender identity (society)

Sex Ⓧ gender identity (society)

Sex → gender identity (different)

↓ gender identity (different) → sex → society → expression = gender roles

What Gender critical think to solve it

Sex → gender identity → gender expression→ society = gender roles

Putting it to perspective

Whenever GC say this:

Sex → gender identity

This is how TRAs view it:

gender identity ←gender expression (society)

Gender identity → gender roles

Sex ← gender identity (society)

↓ 

Sex → gender identity = gender roles

and thus GC = society pushing gender norm

and the TRA misses this:

→ gender expression→ society = gender roles

Gender ideology pushes gender conformity, just in backwards.

Society enforces femininity on women and masculinity on men to maintain a heteronormative hierarchy aka patriarchy. 

Gender ideology is a patriarchal chest play to keep people from actually breaking such status quo by putting the gender role but backwards.

Societal gender roles

Women must be feminine

Men must be masculine

Gender ideology

Feminine is woman

Masculine is man

Neither is non-binary

Anything else it’s a new gender

‘Cis’ means comfortable of the societal gender role

‘Trans’ means not comfortable of societal gender role

GRA say expression is different from identity to hide the fact that it in a way still pushes gender conformity. They confuse the names for physical characteristics ‘wo/man’ as entire gender construct and expression. 

Here’s the damage Gender ideology does.

So far GRA activist blur what sex and gender is, despite their gender ≠ sex.

Blurring gender and sex create problems for the LGB and women, by making anyone able to appropriates them by identification and transing so long as they feel it, remember these two groups are on the oppressed side. There isn’t even a qualification (not even dyphoria) to be considered trans. Growing kids & teen are getting into this as well ruining their bodies, ask yourselves how are they old enough to block puberty but not drink alcohol?

People’s motivation for why they want to of certain gender is not look thorough enough. 

People in general again who again don’t fit with gender norms

Women with internal misogyny/trauma

Gay/Lesbian with internal homophobia/trauma

Men who want more access to women for misogynistic reasons.

You cannot ever feel something you cannot comprehend.

And you cannot ever comprehend not feeling it.

One’s thought of feeling or not like a boy/girl comes were form by the brain cells of XX or XY chromosome or whatever.

Here’s a color analogy i have to show case the difference between one who feels like wo/man vs someone who actually is.

Identifying as one.

Actually being one.

The gender dysphoric pandemic

The correct word for what people mean by gender dysphoria would be sex dysphoria people who are dysphoric of their physical sex body.

Sometimes transsexual need mechanical intervention to relief their sex dysphoria.

Most people who are ‘trans’ aren’t transsexual as that is rare and projecting the gender dysphoria to their bodies instead should be towards society. There’s some types of transwomen who have autogynephilia (reverse heterosexuality, which is nothing wrong in of itself but alot of them are doing bad with it) are motivated by sexuality and is projecting that thing of wanting to become the opposite sex.

Gender dysphoria

A lot of people in the world have gender dysphoria some in more degree than others. 

Many movement where brought out because of gender dyshoria 

LGB because gender roles often link to heteronormative.

Feminism/Women’s rights including the ‘Terfs’ is a inherently gender dysphoric movement.

Gender criticals are inherently gender dysphoric.

What trans movement doing is conflating gender dysphoria with sex dysphoria but they are actually perpetuating gender norms.

The only gender construct that matters is identity which is woman or man because that exist to distinguish people of certain biological characteristics. “Masculinity” and “Femininity” isn’t real, they’re just many expressions boxed into one or the other enforce to people into gender roles which are by large hierarchy called patriarchy. If there is natural patterns that’s sex behavior.

Most people in the trans community aren’t bad, they’re being exploited by the people who are bad. The people who are bad are motivated to destroy children, LGB and women’s rights, depressedly under all this is essentially a men’s right movement but left wing. We need to take those men (and few women) with evil intent to account now.

Right leaning and traditional etc. people role in this whole thing. 

Conservative/traditionalist/religious people who claim to be gender critical, are most of times far from it and are in fact gender rights activist but trans critical that’s the only different between them and the bad trans people above. The trans movement is mostly a side-effect and these people are kinda the reason for it. Gender roles are toxic considering that people especially have to resort in changing their bodies for not fitting in and the gender ideology is a outlet. 

So it’s pure insanity conservative/traditionalist/religious people to keep insisting that be men masculine and women be feminine and that’s it’s all fine and fail to acknowledge, comprehend or disregard people who are gender dysphoric to those roles (feminism being the biggest example) making them seem pathological abnormalities when complaining about them. 

There’s truly a lot of people who are non-conformist but were too scared to be themselves because people like them and it has been rampant for thousand of years. They use not seeing alot of them as prove to enforce their patriarchal rhetoric.

Conclusion

What people need to talk about is their gender dysphoria (but not ideology kind) but of the roles in society. Let transsexuals be their own group without the gender nonsense in peace. We need start embracing gender non-conformity without needing to change our biological identity.

[achliegh]

Positive

Hello, I asked how everyone would feel if I did a prequel to O&O. I got a lot of yes’ and screaming so I decided it was best to do it. I have been thinking about this ever since chapter 17 of Olive and Otto. So here it is! If you have any questions about characters just send me an ask and I will gladly answer! (Also I just get so happy when people want to talk to me)

Leo and his family belong to @lumosinlove <3

Thank you to: @walking-crisis, @clearsuitcasecookienerd, @blingywitch, @waltzintherain, and @moonofthenight, @onlydreamofmysoul (If I missed anyone who answered my asks please let me know! I know some haven’t answered yet but I am hoping they will)

TW/CW: High school bullies, Coming out to homophobic family, Slurs, Homophonic languages and attitudes, mentions of sex, and pregnancy, teen pregnancy, probably food and drink. Oh! And cigarettes and underage drinking.

Chapter 1

The Night Of

Halloween 2015

“We are never doing that again!” Indigo was laying in her bed next to Leo breathing hard. They just had sex… for the first time ever!. It was horrible and sticky and she never imagined doing that with Leo. They both thought it was a good idea especially because it was Halloween, they were at a house party that one of their cheer friends had put on.

“Agreed” Leo sighed next to her and put his hands on his face. Both here silent for a couple of minutes until they suddenly turned to face one another at the same time and blurted out.

“I’M GAY!” Both slapped a hand over their mouths and just stared at the other like they had a fish strapped to their head….

“What?!” they both said at the same time again. Indigo slapped his shoulder hard causing him to wince, she sat up and hugged her knees resting her forehead on them. Oh god, both of them were just playing the part of the perfect partner when neither really wanted each other like that.

Leo had gotten up to toss the condom they had used, because neither of them wanted to have kids especially that young, he slashed some water against his face and rubbed it down the back of his neck. Resting his hands on his shoulders he looked into the mirror, he saw an idiot, his shaggy blonde curls that he didn’t know how to control, the bags under his eyes from constantly being at practice. Cheer or Hockey, Gymnastic or Band it didn’t matter. With all his school work he had no idea how he hasn’t slept less than he has. Maybe he should stop taking naps during study hall.

He was lanky but trying to build up his muscles, the cigarettes weren’t helping, yeah they suppressed his appetite like his cheer coach told Indigo, but it wasn’t what he needed to be able to bulk up. He sighs and grabs his boxers from the floor and slips them on as he sits next to Indigo. Yes, he was gay, he had known he was different since he was thirteen. He dated Indigo to prove that he could love a woman and he does love her, but not in that way. He wraps an arm around her and holds her close. Rubbing her side as he hears some sniffles.

“Was that the first time you ever said it out loud?” He feels her nod and kisses the top of her head. He first said it to his mirror about a year ago, he was going to tell Indigo but never got around to it because he really thought he loved her romantically, but tonight proved it wasn’t that. “ It’s gonna be okay, I won’t let anything happen to you. I swear on my life.”

“Leo, you don’t understand! M-My parents, they will kill me! They would kill me if they found out we just had sex, and that straight! Oh god, I’m gonna get murdered or sent to conversion camp like they almost did Peri because he dyed his hair pink last week.” She cries harder when she remembers her baby brother being screamed at because his good friend dyed a pink streak in his hair. They called him a Faggot and a Tranny and just horrible horrible names that didn’t even fit him. Peri was straight and cis, so they just threw these horrible insults at him for no reason. He was the oldest out of her six brothers, a year younger than her. Being the oldest of the family and the only girl there is so much pressure to be perfect. She is trying so hard but she can’t help but find her captain good-looking and sweet and she makes her heart flutter in a way Leo never could.

The family tree of the Khalid’s is one that everyone in town shoves their noses into. Indigo’s mother, Valentina, is from Argentina and immigrated to the USA at the same time as her father, Francisco, who is from Mexico. Since they were the immigrants on the block everyone already thought low of them or so their parents thought. So, if the kids did anything not by the parents standards, they were in huge trouble. The family was also highly religious, very Catholics Christians. But they pushed it to an insane level, a debilitating level. Indigo remembers getting a ruler across her hands because she said “OMG” when she was in third grade.

Indigo has six younger brothers, everyone is named after an odd color. Her parents thought they were being creative. There is Indigo the oldest. Peri (short for Periwinkle) the second child is only a year younger than her. Viridian is the third child of the clan and the most rebellious three years younger than Indigo. Vermillion and Crimson, the twins of the family, four years younger than her and the most mischievous little shits. Aurelian is the second youngest and the sweetest little child you will ever meet, he is six years younger than Indigo and her favorite sibling. Gent (short for Magenta) is the baby of the family, 7 years younger than Indigo and the biggest little brat you will ever meet.

Leo doesn’t have siblings or crazy strict parents, he just doesn’t understand that and sometimes Indigo gets angry with him for not understanding. He is always so positive and it really gets on her nerves sometimes.

She leans into him and cries into his bare shoulder, they were both still sweaty from their earlier activities, she didn’t care though. She finally admitted out loud that she was gay, not only to herself but to her best friend.

“Are- *hiccup* Are we gonna break up?” She looks up at him and he sends her the most soft and understanding smile she has ever seen. He always knows what to say, how to hold her, how to treat her, how to calm her down. Whoever he got with would be so lucky.

“Do you want to? I mean, there is such a thing as a beard.”

“Leo, you can’t grow a beard.”

He laughs, “No!” He flicks her forehead making her laugh a little. “I mean a queer beard, its when people act like they are dating so people don’t ask questions about their sexuality. We could do that.”

“Like a double beard.” She smiles at him a little, still sniffling. Wiping her eyes, spreading her makeup all around her face she groans. “Can we take a shower?” He nods and stands up quickly making her fall off the bed. He laughs and runs to the bathroom before she can throw something at him. She hears the water running and smiles a little.

She has the best, best friend. She slowly stands, flinching a little at the slight tightness in her hips, annoyed she walks into the, now steamy, bathroom and slaps Leo’s ass really hard.

He yelps and looks back at her, glaring he rubs his butt, knowing he probably deserved it. They step under the hot stream of water together and sigh. He grabs some shampoo and washes his hair, then hers. Scratching her scalp in a way that he knows she loves.

“Do you think people will figure us out?”

“If you ever want to come out just let me know and I will be there for you 100%”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“But I know what you meant.”

They finished up the shower and were both yawning by the time they finished brushing their teeth. Leo in his boxers and Indigo in her sweatshirt and sweatpants, they curled up in bed together. Her head on his chest as they drifted off. They knew this night had an impact on them, but they never would have guessed how much of an impact.

[bechloeislegit]

25 Days of BeChloe Christmases - 2020

Day 2 - Making Breakfast

Prompt from FanFiction User electroniszappa: The full prompt is noted at the end because I don't want to give anything away. NOTE: I didn't follow the prompt exactly, but I hope you like what I did with it.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Bellas were in the Bellas House when Chloe came in, talking on the phone.

"I don't know, mom," Chloe said. "I'll let you know as soon as I decide. I'll call you later."

Chloe ended the call and ran a hand through her hair. She let out a heavy sigh as she shoved her phone into her back pocket.

"Everything okay, Chloe?" Beca asked.

"No," Chloe said sadly.

"What's wrong?" Beca asked, getting up from her seat and walking over to the redhead.

"My parents are getting a divorce," Chloe said. "And they're both trying to get me to spend Christmas with them. They want me to choose between them. God, I hate this."

Beca, in an uncharacteristic move, pulled Chloe into a hug. "As a daughter of divorced parents, I know how you feel."

"Is it always like this?" Chloe asked, falling into the hug and pulling Beca closer.

"I would say it gets better as you get older," Beca said with a grin. "But you're already old, so I can't help you there."

"Beca!" Aubrey chastised.

Chloe pulled back from Beca and slapped her arm. "I'm not that old."

The other girls chuckled.

"You have to remember, I was only five when my folks divorced," Beca said. "And my dad didn't care about seeing me until I graduated from High School. At least your folks still want to be around you."

"What are you going to do, Chloe?" Stacie asked.

"I don't know," Chloe said. "My mom is going to my Aunt Sarah's in Savannah. I haven't seen her or my Uncle John in years. My dad is staying in Tampa and spending Christmas with my grandparents."

"Which one would you rather visit?" Beca asked.

"Neither, really," Chloe said. "My Aunt Sarah is very anti-LGBTQ and since my mom told her I was bi, she's given me the cold shoulder. My dad's parents are very conservative and would be worse. So, it wouldn't be any fun for me in either situation."

"You can hang out here with me and Beca," Stacie said. "My folks are doing their Doctors Without Borders work. And, my sister lives in L.A. and is spending Christmas with her in-laws. So, there's no one for me to spend Christmas with."

"And I can't afford a ticket to Oregon to see my mom," Beca said. "And my dad and Sheila will be going to the stepmonster's sister's house in New Orleans."

"Unbelievable!" CR practically yelled as she stomped down the stairs.

"What's up, CR?" Chloe asked when CR reached them.

"My family doesn't want me to come home for the break," CR said. "Apparently, my great-grandma is going to be there and they don't want to upset her by having their gay daughter around. She's ninety-seven, homophobic, and as mean as they come. So, I'm dodging a bullet if I don't go home; but it hurts that I won't get to see my family for Christmas."

"Jessica and I aren't going home either," Ashley added. "Like Beca, neither of us can afford it. And our folks don't have the money to help us."

"I have a great idea," Aubrey said. "You should all come with me. My folks are going on a cruise with both sets of my grandparents. So, I'm going to spend the holiday in our cabin in Upstate New York. If you all come I won't have to spend Christmas alone. It could be fun."

"Aubrey," Beca said. "We all just said we can't afford to go home. How are we going to afford to go to New York?"

"We can take the Bellas bus," Aubrey said. "That way we'll have room for everyone. I'll cancel my plane ticket and use that money to pay for the gas."

"Driving will take like fourteen to sixteen hours," Stacie said.

"We can take turns and share the driving," Aubrey said. "And we can save money by packing food and drinks for the drive, so we won't have to stop at restaurants to eat. I'll have the lodge's caretaker stock the refrigerator and pantry with plenty of food and drinks so none of us have to worry about spending much once we get there."

"I'm in," Chloe said enthusiastically.

"Me, too," Jessica said, nodding her head.

"Thanks, Aubrey," Stacie said. "Count me in, too."

"Me, too," Ashley said.

"I'll go," CR chimed in.

"What about you, Beca?" Chloe asked. "Are you coming with or staying here by yourself?"

Beca thought for a moment, looked at CR, and asked, "CR, didn't Denise say she wasn't going home either?"

"That's true," CR said. "I'll stay behind so Denise isn't alone."

"She's welcome to join us," Aubrey said. "We can ask her when she gets back from class."

"If Denise says yes," CR said. "I'll go, too. I just don't want to leave her here alone for Christmas."

"Same here," Beca said.

"That's sweet of you two," Chloe said, hugging Beca.

"Whatever," Beca mumbled.

"I really hope you go to New York with us," Chloe whispered to Beca before ending the hug.

~~ Day 2 of the 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases - 2020 ~~

After some last-minute shopping for coats and warmer clothes, the girls were on their way. CR took the first driving shift. Each of the girls took a two-hour shift of driving ending with Aubrey, who took over just as it started snowing.

"We're here!" Aubrey called out as she pulled into a long driveway.

The tires made a crunching sound as the bus moved through the light covering of snow that had covered the drive.

"Wow!" Beca exclaimed as the cabin came into sight. "This place is awesome!"

The rest of the Bellas agreed and started gathering their belongings.

"Hopefully, it will snow again while we're here," Aubrey said, as she exited the bus. "It's even more impressive with snow all around."

"Brrr," Beca said as she stepped off the bus. "It's really cold."

"We're right on Lake Ontario," Aubrey said. "The northern winds coming down across the lake makes it feel colder. It's late. Let's get inside and figure out who's sleeping where. There are only four bedrooms so we'll have to share."

"I'll room with Beca," Chloe quickly called out, causing Beca to blush.

"Denise and I are roommates already," CR said. "So, it makes sense for us to share."

"Jessica and I can share," Ashley said. "If that's okay with her?"

"I'm good with that," Jessica said.

"Awesome!" Stacie exclaimed, winking at Aubrey. "That means I get to share with Aubrey."

Aubrey opened the door and ushered the Bellas inside.

"Wow!" The Bellas exclaimed as they entered.

Everyone looked around wide-eyed at the Christmas decorations.

"Ooo, a fireplace," Stacie said, winking at Aubrey. "How romantic. I can picture us now, snuggled up together with a cup of hot chocolate, whispering sweet nothings into each other's ear."

"Take it down a notch, Stacie," CR said. "I think you're embarrassing Aubrey."

"I, I'm not embarrassed," Aubrey said, her cheeks pink.

"Beca," Chloe said as she stood next to her. "Why don't we go pick out our room?"

"Why don't we all pick out our rooms?" Aubrey said. "Follow me."

The girls grabbed their bags and followed Aubrey upstairs.

~~ Day 2 of the 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases - 2020 ~~

After the rooms were assigned, the girls were tired from the long road trip and decided to turn in. Chloe walked back into the room after using the bathroom and saw Beca standing in front of the window, staring out into the night.

"Whatcha thinking about so hard over there, Becs?"

Beca looked over her shoulder and said, "Not thinking, just watching the snow falling."

"It's snowing again?" Chloe squealed and ran to stand next to Beca. She stared out the window and whispered, "It's beautiful!"

Beca just looked at Chloe and smiled. "Yes, it is."

Next door, Aubrey and Stacie were laying in bed, quietly chatting. They heard Chloe's squeal and raised their heads to look at the wall separating the two rooms.

Stacie chuckled as she said, "I gather from that squeal either Beca finally told Chloe she likes her, or. . ."

"Chloe saw that it was snowing again," Aubrey finished the sentence with a laugh.

"It is?" Stacie asked, turning to look out their window.

"Yep," Aubrey said. "According to the latest weather report, we'll get several more inches by morning."

Across the hall, CR and Denise were also looking out the window at the snow.

"It's so quiet," Denise whispered.

"I love the snow," CR said. "Looks like we'll be having a White Christmas."

Next door to CR and Denise, Ashley and Jessica were snuggled up together, fast asleep.

"We should go to bed," Chloe finally said after watching the snow for a few minutes.

Beca nodded and turned toward their beds. She climbed under the covers and turned off the lamp on the nightstand between her bed and Chloe's.

"Goodnight, Chlo," Beca said.

"Goodnight, Becs," Chloe replied.

The two fell asleep within minutes.

Stacie and Aubrey continued talking about the snow and having a White Christmas.

"I always loved when we'd have a White Christmas," Stacie said. "Sledding down the hill by our house, snowball fights. One time my sister and I built a snow fort. We always had a blast together."

Hearing the wistfulness in Stacie's voice, Aubrey looked over at her.

"You miss her," Aubrey said.

"Yes, I do," Stacie said, snuggling into Aubrey. "She's five years older than I am and moved to California for college and made a life for herself there. I haven't seen her since she graduated. That was three years ago."

CR and Denise continued to watch the snowfall.

"I've never had a white Christmas," Denise said. "This will be my first."

"We'll definitely have to have a snowball fight," CR said with a big grin. "It's kind of the law when it snows."

"I can't wait," Denise said, causing CR to chuckle.

"I'm going to turn in," CR said as she made her way to her bed. "It's late and I have a feeling Aubrey will have us up at the crack of dawn."

Denise climbed into her bed and turned to face CR. "I have a feeling Stacie will keep her busy until a suitable hour."

"Stacie and Aubrey?" CR asked. "You really think there's something between them?"

"Yes," Denise said, covering a yawn with the back of her hand. "Don't you?"

"I really hadn't noticed anything," CR said. "They're not as obvious as Beca and Chloe."

"You mean as oblivious as Beca and Chloe," Denise responded with a light chuckle.

CR chuckled and settled under her blankets.

"Hey, Denise?" CR said a few minutes later. "Are you still awake?"

"Barely," Denise mumbled. "What's up?"

"I was wondering if, once we get back to Barden, you would maybe want to go out with me sometime?"

Denise sat up and switched on the bedside lamp; she looked over at CR.

"You're asking me out?" Denise asked, smiling.

"Um, yeah?" CR said. "It's just, I really like you and I'm hoping you might feel the same way."

"I do like you," Denise said. "And I would love to go out with you."

"Yes!" CR yelled.

"What the Hell?" Beca called out as she sat upright in her bed.

"That sounded like CR," Chloe said, reaching to turn on the lamp.

"Let's check on her," Beca said, climbing out of bed.

Chloe did the same and was surprised to see Stacie and Aubrey coming out of their room as well.

"Was that CR?" Aubrey asked.

"It sounded like her," Chloe said. "Do you think we should check on her?"

"I don't know," Stacie said. "We may walk into something we don't want to see."

"What do you mean?" Beca asked, furrowing her brow.

"CR and Denise may be hooking up," Stacie said, chuckling when Beca's face reddened.

"Really?" Aubrey asked.

"Yes, really," Chloe said. "Haven't you seen the way those two look at each other? I guess one of them finally said something."

The four Bellas heard moans through the door. Beca's eyes widened and she looked around at the other three. Chloe and Stacie were smirking and nodding their heads. Aubrey's face was flushed.

"I'm going back to bed," Beca said, throwing a thumb over her shoulder at her room.

"Me, too," Aubrey said, turning and going into her room.

Beca turned and entered her room; Chloe and Stacie looked at each other and laughed.

"Goodnight, Stacie," Chloe said as she went to her room.

"Goodnight, Chloe," Stacie said.

~~ Day 2 of the 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases - 2020 ~~

"Good morning, sweetie," Jessica said, kissing Ashley awake.

"Mmm, good morning," Ashley said, stretching and leaning into the kisses.

After a brief make-out, Ashley pulled back and looked at Jessica.

"I want to tell the girls about us," she said. "I want to be able to kiss you and hold your hand in front of everyone."

"Okay," Jessica said. "I'd love for them to know about us."

"Let's go make breakfast for everyone," Ashley said, reluctantly letting go of Jessica so she could slide out of bed.

"That's a great idea," Jessica said. "Let's go."

The two girls left their room and quietly made their way downstairs.

An hour later, Stacie woke to the smell of bacon.

"Mmmm, someone's making breakfast," Stacie mumbled, reaching for Aubrey.

Aubrey was not in the bed. Stacie sat up and looked around to see Aubrey standing by the window. She got up and padded over to Aubrey, putting her arms around Aubrey's waist.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Are you regretting last night?"

"God, no," Aubrey answered quickly, turning to face Stacie. "It was one of the best nights of my life."

Stacie leaned in and kissed Aubrey; Aubrey quickly returned the kiss, pulling Stacie closer to deepen it. Stacie pulled back so their lips were barely touching.

"As much as I'd like to continue this," Stacie whispered against Aubrey's lips. "I smell bacon and I've worked up quite an appetite. Let's go eat."

Stacie reconnected their lips before Aubrey could say anything.

"Mmm," Aubrey whimpered, pulling back from the kiss. "Let's go see what's for breakfast."

Stacie sighed and took Aubrey's hand, leading her out of their room and downstairs. The couple walked into the kitchen to find Jessica and Ashley kissing.

Aubrey cleared her throat, causing the two to jump apart.

"Um, sorry," Ashley said. "We were just making breakfast."

"Yeah," Jessica said, blushing. "Breakfast. We were making breakfast."

"If that's what you're calling it," Stacie said with a smirk. "Then Brey and I made breakfast last night."

Jessica and Ashley's jaws dropped; Aubrey blushed; and Stacie looked very pleased with herself.

"You two?" Ashley asked, pointing between Stacie and Aubrey.

"Yep!" Stacie answered. "How long have you two been, um, making breakfast?"

"Since a month after we started rooming together in the Bellas house," Jessica said. "We both liked each other and, finally, one drunken night we confessed our feelings."

"Maybe we should get Beca drunk," Stacie said, looking at Aubrey. "And get her to confess to Chloe."

"Those two are so oblivious," Ashley said. "It may take more than getting Beca drunk."

"I have an idea," Aubrey said. "It's the perfect plan. By the time Christmas is over, those two will have what we all have."

"We're listening," Jessica and Ashley said and then giggled.

"Okay," Aubrey said, leaning in conspiratorially. "Here's what we're going to do."

Just then, CR and Denise entered the kitchen.

"We smelled something burning," CR said, causing the four girls to jump back.

"Oh, crap," Jessica said, grabbing the potholders. "The bacon."

She pulled two pans out of the oven and dropped them on top of the stove.

"It doesn't look too bad," Ashley said, looking over the pan of dark bacon.

"It's ruined," Jessica said, huffing out a breath.

"It's fine," Denise said. "I like it dark."

"When it comes to bacon," Stacie said. "Crispy is always better."

"They're right," Aubrey chimed in. "What else are you making?"

"We were planning on just bacon and scrambled eggs," Jessica said.

"And, toast," Ashley said. "Aubrey, where's your toaster?"

Aubrey didn't respond verbally, she walked over to the pantry and brought out a toaster.

"Here you go."

"Thanks!" Ashley said and set the toaster up.

CR handed Ashley a loaf of bread as Denise got butter from the refrigerator.

"Who wants coffee?" Stacie asked, holding up the coffee pot.

"I do," rang out from the five Bellas.

~~ Day 2 of the 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases - 2020 ~~

"Chloe?" Beca mumbled as she woke with Chloe wrapped around her. "What are you doing?"

"I got cold," Chloe said.

"And you couldn't find the blanket that was at the foot of your bed?"

"Didn't even try," Chloe said, giving Beca a wink. "This was way warmer and more fun for me."

"You're ridiculous."

"You loved it," Chloe said. "You even sighed when I started spooning you."

"I did not!" Beca whispered-shouted as she sat up to look down at Chloe. She glanced up and shouted, "Oh, my God!"

"What?" Chloe asked, concerned.

"Look," Beca said, climbing over Chloe to get out of the bed.

Beca hurried over to the window and stood looking out at the snow. "There must be a good eight to ten inches of snow out there, and it's still coming down."

Chloe squealed as she stood next to Beca, and looked out the window at the snow.

"We have to get dressed so we can go out and build a snowman," Chloe said, pulling Beca back toward the bed.

"Why?" Beca whined.

"Because it snowed," Chloe said. "It's like a law or something."

"There's a law that says you have to build a snowman when it snows?"

"I'm sure there is a law about it somewhere."

"God, you're adorable," Beca said, and blushed as she added, "I can't believe I just said that out loud."

"Thanks!" Chloe said, smiling at Beca as she kissed her on the cheek.

"I smell burned bacon," Beca blurted out. "Let's go eat before we go outside."

Chloe laughed as her stomach made a growling sound. "I'm in."

The two left their room and could hear laughing and talking as they made their way to the kitchen.

"Coffee, please?" Beca said as soon as she stepped into the kitchen.

Stacie laughed and pointed over to the coffee pot. "I just made a fresh pot."

"Good morning, everyone," Chloe said, entering behind Beca. "How'd everyone sleep?"

The six girls said 'good morning' to Chloe as they sipped their coffees and looked at each other.

"We slept great!" Stacie said, smirking. "Making breakfast with Aubrey was a dream come true."

Aubrey blushed; Jessica nearly spits out her coffee; Ashley started laughing. CR and Denise looked confused.

"I thought Ashley and Jessica made breakfast," CR said.

"They did, too," Stacie said.

"What?" Beca asked, confused. "Wait, is that one of your euphemisms for sex? It's too early to hear about your sexploits, Stacie. I haven't even had my coffee for God's sake."

"It's not too early for me," Chloe said, winking at Stacie. "Spill!"

"Chloe!" Aubrey yelled, turning to glare at Stacie, she added, "Don't you dare!"

"Oh, my God," Beca said, laughing. "You two DID hook up last night. I guess hearing Denise and CR going at it, got you motor running, huh?"

"What?!" CR asked.

"Um, sorry," Beca said, flustered. "We, uh, heard you yell, and, um, got up to check to, uh, see if you were okay."

"And, then we heard moaning coming from your room," Stacie added. "Kudos to you both by the way."

"CR confessed she liked me and asked me out," Denise said. "I kissed her and one thing led to another and we, uh, made breakfast." She smiled and added, "Several times."

Stacie whooped and high-fived Denise. CR smiled and kissed Denise. "I guess the cat's out of the bag."

"Don't you mean the pu-"

"Do not finish that sentence!" Aubrey said, covering Stacie's mouth. "Okay, so a few of us hooked up last night. Is anyone really surprised?"

"I am," Beca said. "I always thought Jessica and Ashley were a thing. You and Stacie, and CR and Denise are more of a surprise. I did not see that coming."

"Chloe?" Stacie said, causing Chloe to look at her. "Got anything to confess?"

Chloe blushed and shook her head as she whispered, "No."

"What would she be confessing?" Beca asked. Her eyes went wide. "You think that we? That Chloe and I? Why would you think that we would do that?"

Chloe turned and ran out of the kitchen. It was a few seconds later when they heard a bedroom door slam.

Everyone turned to look at Beca. "What?"

"Way to go, Mitchell," Aubrey said, glaring at Beca. "I'm going to check on Chloe." She moved to follow after Chloe, stopping in front of Beca. "You'd better be prepared to grovel and beg Chloe for her forgiveness when I bring her back down here."

"What do I have to apologize for?" Beca asked.

"Think about it," Aubrey snapped. "I'm sure even someone as emotionally stunted as you can figure it out."

Aubrey left the kitchen, leaving the other girls staring at Beca, shaking their heads.

~~ Day 2 of the 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases - 2020 ~~

The girls sat down to eat, saving a plate for Aubrey and Chloe. The two best friends were still upstairs forty-five minutes later when the others finished eating and cleaning the kitchen.

"Should we go check on them?" Beca asked, looking toward the stairs.

"Are you ready to apologize to Chloe?" Stacie asked.

"Why?" Beca asked. "What do I have to apologize for because I haven't got a clue."

"You hurt Chloe's feelings, Beca," Jessica explained.

"I did?" Beca asked surprised. "How?"

"Think about what you said when we were talking about everyone making breakfast," Ashley said.

"Yeah, Beca," Denise said. "You acted like being with Chloe was the worst thing that could happen. We all thought you liked her."

"She's my best friend," Beca said. "Of course, I like her."

"That's not what she means," Stacie said. "And you know it."

Beca let out a heavy sigh as she ran a hand through her hair. "Do you think Chloe wanted to, you know, make breakfast. . .with me?"

"YES!" All the girls shouted.

"Beca," Stacie said. "We've all seen the way you two look at each other."

"I don't look at Chloe in any particular way," Beca said quietly.

"Yes, you do," Stacie said. "And Chloe's seen you looking at her. You may be oblivious to Chloe looking at you, but you aren't very discreet in the way you look at her."

"How do I tell her?" Beca asked. "I don't want to chase her away. I like having her around."

"Just tell her, Beca," Denise said. "That's what CR did and look at us now. We're going to start dating."

"But, you two already, um, made breakfast together," Beca said. "I don't know if I can do that without dating Chloe first."

"Then date her first," Ashley said. "Making breakfast will come in your own time."

"Can we please stop calling it making breakfast?" Beca asked, causing the girls to laugh.

~~ Day 2 of the 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases - 2020 ~~

It took quite a while before Chloe and Aubrey came downstairs, dressed to go outside.

"Where are you two going?" Denise asked.

"We're going to build a snowman before we start making dinner," Aubrey replied. "Anyone care to join us?"

The girls all agreed and ran upstairs to change. Everyone except for Beca was back downstairs about twenty minutes later.

"Where's Beca?" CR asked.

"I'll get her," Stacie said and ran back upstairs.

Stacie barged into Beca's room without knocking. Beca jumped and looked at Stacie in the doorway.

"Let's go, Beca," Stacie said. "Everyone's waiting for you."

"I'm not going," Beca said.

"Come on, Beca," Stacie implored. "It won't be the same without all of us out there."

"Could you ask Chloe to come up here?" Beca asked. "I'd like to talk to her so I can apologize for earlier."

"I'll send her up," Stacie said with a smile. "Good luck."

"Thanks," Beca said, smiling back at Stacie.

Chloe appeared in the doorway about ten minutes later.

"You wanted to talk to me?"

"Yes, please come sit over here," Beca said, patting the space next to her on the bed.

Chloe took off her coat and gloves and sat down next to Beca.

"So?"

"So, um, I wanted to apologize for how I reacted earlier," Beca said.

"And?"

"And, I hope you can forgive me?"

"What would be so wrong about you and me being together?" Chloe asked.

"Oh, you're going for the tough questions first," Beca said, wiping her hands up and down her thighs. "Um, okay."

"Well?"

"Um, nothing?" Beca said. Hearing Chloe scoff, Beca turned to face her, taking both of Chloe's hands in hers.

"Look," Beca said, staring into Chloe's eyes. "I know you want to know how I feel, but I'm not good with sharing my emotions, so bear with me, please?"

"Okay," Chloe said.

Beca nodded her head and cleared her throat. "I let you hug me and that's something I don't let just anybody do. I always bring an extra water bottle to practice because you forget yours. . . a lot. I watch movies with you even though we both know I don't really like them."

"What are you trying to say?" Chloe asked.

"I'm trying to tell you that I, um-" Beca said and stopped for a moment before continuing. "Let me try this. Some people can have feelings for someone, but never say it; some people can say it but don't feel it. Do you know what I mean?"

Chloe nodded her head. "I think I know what you're trying to say. But I want you to say it and mean it before you actually say it, okay?"

Beca opened her mouth but nothing came out. She tried again with the same result.

"Dammit," Beca muttered, dropping Chloe's hands. "I'm making this worse aren't I?"

"Take a breath, Becs," Chloe said, taking Beca's hands in hers. "And come find me when you're ready. I won't be hard to find. There's like a foot of snow outside."

"Okay," Beca said. She scrunched her face and looked at Chloe. "Are you mad?"

"No," Chloe said and sighed. "Let's go build a snowman. Then we can help with Christmas Eve dinner."

"Okay," Beca said.

~~ Day 2 of the 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases - 2020 ~~

The next morning, Beca woke and looked over at the other bed expecting to see Chloe; she wasn't there. Beca sat up and looked around.

"I wonder where she is?" Beca mumbled as she got out of bed. It was Christmas morning and by now she usually has Chloe hopping up and down on the bed waking her up.

Beca huffed and left the bedroom. She could hear the others downstairs so she made her way down. When she reached the bottom of the stairs she saw Denise sitting on CR's lap in the chair with their backs to Beca; Aubrey and Stacie were huddled together on one end of the sofa; Jessica and Ashley were sitting together on the floor in front of the fire. They were all sipping from cups; it was either coffee or, knowing Chloe, hot cocoa. She looked around the living room but didn't see Chloe anywhere.

"It's about time you woke up, Beca," Chloe's voice came from the kitchen door, causing Beca to jump. "We've been waiting for you so we could open presents."

"Why didn't you wake me like you usually do?"

"I heard you tossing and turning all night," Chloe said. "So, I thought I'd let you sleep in a bit. And, btw, me keeping everyone from bothering you is one of your presents. Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas, Beca!" the other Bellas shouted out.

"Um, thanks," Beca said. "Merry Christmas."

She followed Chloe over to the sofa and sat next to her.

"Sorry, everyone," Beca said. "You could have started without me."

"We wanted to," Stacie said. "Chloe wouldn't let us."

"Thanks, Chlo," Beca said, smiling at Chloe.

"Let's get to the presents," Aubrey said. "My breakfast casserole should be ready in about forty-five minutes."

"Okay," Stacie said, sitting up. "Who's first?"

"Um, if you don't mind can I give Chloe one of my gifts first?" Beca asked. "I don't want to wait any longer to give it to her. She's waited long enough for it."

The girls looked at each other. Chloe looked at Beca with raised eyebrows.

"Go ahead, Beca," Stacie said, sitting back to cuddle Aubrey.

"Okay," Beca said, clearing her throat. "Chloe, I love you!"

The girls and Chloe gasp; shocked that Beca would just blurt it out like that.

"I love you and I have for a while now," Beca continued. "I want you to know I'm not just saying it, I mean it, too!"

A big smile came to Chloe's face as she jumped up and crashed her lips against Beca's. The girls started cheering and clapping.

"I love you, too, Beca," Chloe said as the cheering died down. "Merry Christmas to me!"

"Merry Christmas to us," Beca said, leaning in for another kiss.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Full prompt from FanFiction User electroniszappa: Hey, I don't know if you're planning to do a 25 Days of BeChloe Christmas or anything like it this year, if you are, while it's on my mind, want to send in the prompt that crossed my mind. It's nothing too complex, was thinking during their first year, the Bellas get snowed in at Aubrey's Family's cabin over the holiday break, and it serves to get the couples (BeChloe, Staubrey, Jessica/Ashley, and CR/Denise) together in time for Christmas.

[kairos-in-wonderland]

Day 1: Ladies First

Okay, so this is actually the first piece of Merlin based writing I’ve ever posted anywhere and technically (in my time zone) I’m a couple hours late, but this is my day 1 submission for Camelove 2021! I hope that whoever reads this enjoys it - it was originally gonna be about 1000 words but it ended up being about 3500 😅 Here it is!

Pairing: OC/Morgana, with Arwen and Mercelot

Modern AU, fake dating AU

Trigger warnings: forced relationship, arranged marriage (attempted), violence, abuse (mild), homophobia

“Wylla!” someone called after her, and she turned to see Morgana running towards her.

“Morgana,” she greeted as the girl came to a halt in front of her, “are you okay?”

“I really need a favour and I didn’t know who else to ask, can we talk somewhere?” Morgana asked tentatively, and Wylla nodded, dragging her into the currently deserted school theatre, “Brilliant, okay… This is gonna be really weird and it’s okay if you say no – really, it is, I jus-”

“Morgana!” Wylla exclaimed, letting out a short laugh, “Calm down, what do you need?”

“Well, you’re friends with Arthur, he’s told you what my step-father is like?” Wylla nodded for Morgana to continue, “He’s hosting a party this week for investors and he’s trying to set me up with Will Sarrum; he’s the heir to Amata Motors, my step-father wants me to marry him for when he takes over the company, to make sure they continue to use Pendragon Financing.”

“Okay, that’s seriously messed up, but why do you need my help? You need someone from the law a-level classes, not drama, I can’t help you get out of this.”

“But you can,” Morgana was grinning, despite the clear panic flashing in her eyes, “if I were to be dating someone else, he’d struggle to get me to do it. And he’d struggle even more if I were to be dating a girl.”

“Are you suggesting what I think you are?” Wylla laughed.

“Yes. You don’t have to, but I think that Sarrum would be put off dating me if he knew I was dating a girl – his entire family are homophobic bigots.”

“Does Uther know that you’re into girls?”

“I’ve told him, but he doesn’t believe me,” Morgana muttered, and Wylla sighed.

“So, you want me to go to this party with you and pretend to be your girlfriend to a) prove to your dad that you’re a lesbian and b) prevent an arranged marriage that your father wants for a business alliance?”

“That’s pretty much the gist of it, yeah.”

“Okay, I’ll do it,” she said, and Morgana’s eyes widened, “you need this.”

“Oh my god, thank you!” Morgana exclaimed, hugging her tightly, “I owe you so bad for this, how can I make it up to you?”

“Dinner and a movie?” Wylla suggested, “Imagine Uther’s face when you tell him.”

“You are amazing,” Morgana laughed and Wylla joined in, “right, okay. The party is on Saturday, formal dress – I’ll help you decide what to wear – and Geoffrey will pick you up at 4pm. Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

“Yeah, of course, and I can’t wait to see Arthur’s face when I show up as your date,” the girls giggled a little and Wylla leaned against the stage, “so, are we keeping up the pretence of this relationship within school? Or just at the party?”

“I think it might be a good idea if we make it look like we’re dating for the next few days within school, otherwise Sarrum and some of our other classmates who will be at the party could suspect that it’s fake. Unless there are people you don’t want to think that you’re dating me?”

“That’s not a problem, Morgana, don’t worry,” she looked up at the clock and groaned, “right, when’s your lunch break? There’s gonna be a class in here for a couple hours but I’m done for the day after that.”

“I’ve got history for two hours so I can meet you here afterwards?” she suggested, and Wylla nodded as her peers started to enter the room, “I’ll see you then,” Morgana pressed a cheek before leaving, and Wylla couldn’t help but blush as the other students looked towards Morgana. To be fair, she was staring too, trying to wrap her head around what she’s just agreed to.

“Was that Morgana?” a voice whispered behind her, breaking her trance.

“Oh, yeah,” Wylla let out a nervous laugh as she turned towards Merlin, “she just popped in to see me before going to her lesson.”

“And since when were you close enough with Morgana for her to think of doing that?” he questioned, and she blushed.

“Uh, since we started dating,” she lied, and his eyes widened, “apparently her step-father is hosting a party on Saturday and she wanted to invite me.”

“Oh yeah, Gwen told me that Arthur’s taking her, to give him a chance to avoid some of the other people who’ll be at the party – all the posh and privileged students who think they’re above us. You do realise that most of Uther’s ‘friends’ are homophobic, right?”

“Why do you think I’m going? Morgana already told Uther, and word is bound to spread about our relationship, I don’t want her to be alone with them for that long,” Wylla argued, and Merlin smiled.

“How long has this been going on?” he asked as they sat down on the edge of the stage, waiting for their teacher to arrive.

“Not long, we’ve kept it a secret till now but we thought it was about time people knew. I’m sorry, I would’ve told you, but-”

“I get it, you wanted to respect her privacy,” Merlin finished for her.

“Yeah. That, and just remember that you didn’t tell me that you were dating Lancelot until you’d dragged me along to three of his and Arthur’s football games.”

“Okay, point proven,” he laughed as their teacher entered the theatre to start the lesson.

The lesson dragged on for Wylla, who was not only eager to see Morgana but also had to endure stares from her classmates because of her new ‘girlfriend’. The whole idea kept going around in her mind – she’d never thought of Morgana in a romantic way before, and yet she couldn’t get the raven-haired girl out of her mind – even when they were meant to be memorising their monologues, her eyes trained on the page, Morgana was the only thing she could think about. She was only woken from her daze when someone clicked in front of her face, “Seriously, Wylla, everyone’s already gone,” Merlin laughed, and she groaned before resting her head in her hands, “how were you that distracted?” she didn’t answer, but she looked up from the table when there was a knock on the theatre’s door which they saw Morgana leaning against, “ah, got it.” Wylla blushed and Merlin grabbed his bag from under the stage.

“See you tomorrow Merlin!” Wylla called as he left and Morgana walked towards her.

“Are you okay?” she asked, and Wylla let out a nervous laugh.

“Yeah, just thinking. Apparently I managed to zone out for most of the lesson.”

“Oh, are you tired? Do you want me to go and get you a coffee or something?” Morgana offered, but Wylla shook her head.

“I’m okay, I was just thinking about us – that is, what we’re going to tell people about us. Merlin asked and I just said that it hadn’t been long, but more people are gonna ask us and we need to be on the same page about this.”

The two girls chatted about what lies to tell and just sat enjoying each other’s company until someone walked into the theatre.

“Morgana!” Arthur called from the door, startling both of them, “What are you doing in here? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you set foot in the theatre, I thought Merlin was joking when he said you were here.”

“Well, I wouldn’t expect you to be paying attention to my whereabouts at all times, Arthur,” Morgana rolled her eyes and subtly reached for Wylla’s hand, “I was just here chatting with Wylla, what do you want?”

“Geoffrey is waiting for us outside, come on,” he beckoned, and Morgana sighed.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said, planting a long, soft kiss on Wylla’s cheek before winking and following Arthur out.

-

A couple days had passed and Wylla still hadn’t decided what to wear so she dragged Merlin and Gwen round to her house in the afternoon to help her decide, “Gwen, what are you going to wear?” she asked as she frantically looked through her wardrobe.

“I don’t know, I’ll probably just decide on the day or the night before,” Gwen admitted, and Wylla groaned, “why are you so worried about this?”

“Because Morgana is gonna look like, well, Morgana and I don’t want to look totally disappointing. We’re going to a party with some of the biggest names in business and the richest kids in our college – they’re all going to hate me for being there because I’m not rich and I don’t want to make Morgana look bad.”

“You won’t be the only person there that isn’t rich,” Gwen reminded her, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder

“But at least you and Arthur are a heterosexual couple, most of Uther’s friends are homophobic bigots. They won’t be focused on you and Arthur when there’s me and Morgana to gossip about,” she sighed, running her hands through her hair.

“How about some kind of suit?” Merlin suggested, walking over to grab a red floral blazer out of her wardrobe, “what’s Morgana wearing?”

“Uh, dark green. She sent me a picture, hold on,” Wylla grabbed her phone out of her pocket and scrolled until the found the picture before passing it to Merlin.

“Okay, yeah, you’re definitely wearing that jacket,” Gwen said, excitement lacing her voice.

“I have matching trousers,” Wylla added and Gwen practically screamed, “are you trying to deafen us?”

“Sorry, sorry. Merlin, find some shoes that could go with the suit,” Gwen reached into the wardrobe and pulled out a plain white shirt before shoving it all into Wylla’s hands, “shoo, go put it on. Oh, make sure it’s inside out!” Gwen grinned as she pushed her friend into the bathroom; Wylla emerged a couple minutes later and Gwen immediately rushed over with a bunch of pins and started tapering the suit.

“What are you doing?” Wylla asked as Gwen busied herself putting pins in the suit.

“You called me to help you choose and outfit and I do textiles – I’m tailoring your suit dummie. You want to look good in front of all of the rich people? This is how you do it. You make the, what, fifty pound suit look like it cost a couple hundred, because it only fits you, not anyone who wears that size.”

“Have I ever told you how amazing you are Gwen?” Wylla laughed, and her friend smirked.

“Now would be a good time.”

“Uh, Wyl, you literally have no shoes that you can wear with this suit,” Merlin added.

“What about my black converse?” Wylla suggested.

“Let me rephrase: you have no shoes that you can wear to this event if you don’t want to look like a basic lesbian hipster,” he said, and both girls laughed, “right, what size are you?”

“Six, why?”

“I’ll be back,” was all he said before walking out, and Wylla saw him get in his car to drive off.

Merlin returned about an hour later with three pairs of heels and forced her to try each of them on, “Can we please go with the short heels? I’m gonna be shorter than Morgana anyway and I don’t wanna kill my feet if I have to stand up for hours.”

“Agreed,” Gwen chipped in, “right, go take off the suit, I’ll give it to you Friday.”

-

Days passed and finally the Pendragons’ chauffeur was driving Wylla to the party – when she arrived it was in front of huge mansion and it was Arthur who opened the car door for her, “Hey Arthur,” she greeted, and they started walking towards the front steps.

“Wylla, are you sure you’re prepared for this?” he asked, putting a hand on her shoulder as the got to the front door, “The rich kids at school will be worse here, and their parents will be ten times worse than that. Geoffrey hasn’t left yet, there’s still time to go home.”

“I promised Morgana that I’d be here, I’m not backing out now,” she said, meeting his gaze as he opened the doors into the hall. Whatever she’d been expecting, it hadn’t been quite as extravagant as what she could see in front of her. Even the entrance hall was bigger than her entire house, and decorated with marble and what was probably solid gold. Everyone there was staring at her, and she scanned the faces until she saw who she was looking for – the raven-haired girl in the emerald green dress. Wylla bid farewell to Arthur before walking over to where Morgana stood, eyes a little wider than usual, or was that just the makeup?

“Wow,” was all Morgana said, and Wylla grinned as she pressed a kiss to her cheek, “you-you look amazing.”

“I have Gwen to thank for all of it, thank god she knows how to tailor,” Wylla laughed nervously, looking around at the still staring faces, “I… I may be dressed up but I still feel like I don’t belong here.”

“You do. You belong here, with me,” Morgana assured her, taking her hand, “you don’t have to stay long. I just need you here long enough to be able to deny the arrangement from my father,” they stayed in the entrance hall and made small talk with whoever walked past, both of them still hand in hand; Wylla assumed that Morgana was just doing it for appearances, but to her it was comforting – an anchor in an unfamiliar environment, “do you want to go up to my room for a bit? Get away from all of these people?”

“Yes, absolutely,” Wylla breathed, still gripping Morgana’s hand as she led her up the stairs and into smaller, brighter room. She ran her hands through her hair as Morgana sat down on her bed, “how do you deal with these parties as often as you do?”

“You get used to it, I guess. I’ve been going to these parties for almost a decade now, but I still hate it.”

“People will notice that we’ve gone upstairs, how long do you think there is until word gets to Uther?” Wylla asked as she sat down next to Morgana.

“Not long, and we’re gonna have to keep up the lie… But I don’t want you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with…”

“What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking we should be kissing when they walk in,” Morgana said sheepishly, and Wylla’s heart started beating faster, “my father will undoubtedly have Mr Sarrum with him, it’d help get the point across.”

“Okay,” Wylla agreed, probably quicker than she should’ve. She was about to say something else when she heard footsteps getting closer to the room; without a second thought, Wylla cupped Morgana’s face in her hands and kissed her. Morgana let out a small noise of surprise but soon melted into the kiss, pulling Wylla closer by her waist. It took more than a few moments for them to realise the door hadn’t opened and stop kissing, but their foreheads still rested together, “okay, I guess I have to say something now.”

“Say what?” Morgana asked, breathing heavily.

“I like you Morgana, I really like you, and not just as a friend. I-I don’t think I realised it before, but this whole fake girlfriend thing brought it to the surface. I just… I want to be honest with you,” Wylla had closed her eyes as she spoke, and when she finally opened them, she saw Morgana grinning with tears in her eyes, “are you okay?”

“There’s a reason I asked you to pretend to be my girlfriend, Wylla.”

“Because I’m a drama student and I’m literally doing a whole course on pretending to be something?”

“Because I think you’re really sweet, and funny, and kind… and you’re gorgeous – even more so in this suit, you’re killing my Wyl,” Morgana laughed nervously, and Wylla stroked a thumb across her cheek, “I really like you too. I asked you to be my fake girlfriend because I really want you to be my real girlfriend.”

“Are you seriously asking me out?”

“Well, if I remember correctly, we already have dinner and a movie planned, so the date is sorted. I just have to ask the question…”

“Then ask it.”

“Will you be my girlfriend? My actual girlfriend?”

“Take a wild guess, Pendragon,” Wylla grinned as she pressed her lips against Morgana’s, kissing her passionately. And then the door opened.

“Morgana!” Uther gasped loudly, the sudden noise breaking the couple apart, “What is going on here?”

“Father…” Morgana started, standing from the bed and taking a step towards Uther and the man Wylla assumed to be Mr Sarrum, “this is my girlfriend, Wylla Lionel.”

“I thought we agreed that you were going to date Will Sarrum,” Uther argued through gritted teeth, “he’s a nice young man-”

“Exactly!” Morgana exclaimed, “Young man. I told you already, I don’t like men.”

“It’s just a phase, Morgana,” Uther sighed, and Wylla tensed, clenching her fists and moving to stand beside Morgana, taking her hand and squeezing it gently.

“It isn’t a phase, Mr Pendragon,” she said, “my father thought the same, he left us the day my mother decided to fight his idea of sending me to therapy to try and change what gender I love. I hate to break it to you, trying to prevent Morgana from being herself will just distance you from her, and forcing her into a relationship with a man to serve your business goals will make it worse. I love your daughter, Mr Pendragon, and nothing-” Wylla was cut off when the back of Uther’s hand made contact with her face and he grabbed the corner of her jacket.

“Get out of my house, now!” he shouted, and Wylla threw a terrified glance at a crying Morgana as someone grabbed her arm and dragged her from the room. She tried to fight it but it was pointless, she was dragged out of the house and thrown to the ground outside the house. Wylla was crouched there for a few moments, gathering her thoughts as tears fell, before she picked up her phone and dialled the first number she thought of.

“Wylla?” Merlin answered, “Aren’t you meant to be at the party?”

“Ca-can you come and pick me up, please?” she choked out, “I’m still at the house, I don’t know how to get home.”

“I’ll be there in 15, hang in there Wyl,” he said before hanging up, and he was true to his word – just shy of 15 minutes later, Merlin’s car parked up outside the gates. He rushed over to her and helped her get in the car, driving to the nearby park, “come on, you need some air,” he walked around to help her out, and they started walking through the park together, hand in hand, “do you want to talk about what happened?”

“Uther,” she muttered, “he wants Morgana to date, well, marry Will Sarrum.”

“The snobby prick from Arthur’s business class?”

“The very same – Amata Motors uses Pendragon Financing to manage their accounts, Uther wants them to be together to make sure that continues when Will takes over the business. But, of course, Morgana isn’t into guys at all so she asked me to pretend to be her girlfriend to go against Uther.”

“Wait, you’re not actually dating?” Merlin questioned, and Wylla sighed.

“Let me give you the full story first,” she said, and he nodded for her to continue as they sat down on one of the benches, “I agreed, of course, because just the idea of it was horrible. But, in the days approaching the party, I realised that I actually really like Morgana. I confessed to her, and she said that the reason she asked me to do it was because she liked me too. We were kissing when Uther walked in with Will’s father, and he got really angry. I tried to stand up for her, but he hit me and threw me out of the house. And now, I-I don’t know what he’s going to do to Morgana for not obeying him,” Wylla’s voice broke as she cried, and Merlin hugged her tightly.

“Morgana is strong, she’s really strong, I’m sure she’ll be okay,” he assured her, and then there was a shout from across the park.

“Wylla!” it was Morgana, running towards them, so Wylla got up to meet her halfway.

“Morgana,” she sighed, relieved as she embraced her girlfriend, “you’re okay. Wait,” she pulled away from the hug and held Morgana’s face in her hands, “are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Morgana assured her, before wincing away as Wylla touched a rapidly forming bruise on her jaw.

“He hurt you,” Wylla cried, “I’m sorry, I should’ve fought back harder, I-”

“It’s okay. We argued for a while and he hit me, but then he threw me out.”

“Oh god…”

“No, this is good,” Morgana assured her, wiping away the tears that were spilling down Wylla’s cheeks, “I have the money I inherited when my real father died, I’m finally free from Uther, and now we can be together,” Wylla let out a relieved laugh and pressed her lips against Morgana’s, tears streaming down her cheeks as they kissed. But they were happy tears, Morgana was safe and they were together – and that’s all she needed.

I really hope I got all of the warnings that I may have needed but feel free to let me know if there’s anything I missed and I’ll add it to the tags.

Happy Camelove 2021! 🥰💜💙

[the-shiftshop]

Hey Diary Side Story: What Happened to Peter and Tom?

I had made a huge mistake when writing this series. You see, I have included Keith’s friends, Peter and Tom, to the changes that Felix created about making them live the false rumor they had spread about him. I had no idea how I’ll put that in the story and I had no other choice but to write it as a side story which doesn’t seem like the best choice, but I’m doing it anyway. PART 1, PART 2 and PART 3 of the Hey Diary Series

Everyone’s gathering around Felix right after he lost consciousness and fell down the ground. Within just a few seconds, Keith rushed to get him out the crowd. Tom and I looked at each other, finding Keith’s reaction kind of weird. We just watched Keith pick Felix up and brought him out the cafeteria.

Tom and I were left there sitting at our table, still with mouth agape.

“Hey Thomas.” I called. “Did Keith just...”

“Yeah...” He replied.

The fact that Keith helped Felix out instead of just letting him on the ground still left us shocked, but we then just shrugged it off and continued eating.

I suddenly choke with the food I was eating as I feel a sudden warmth grow from my head to my chest, and soon down to my feet. I tried to look tough by acting as if nothing’s wrong and just let the food go down my throat on its own. I looked at Tom and noticed that he seemed like he’s deep in his thoughts as well.

When everything was okay, I continued eating my food. Drinking from my tumbler, I had a short glimpse of Tom staring at me. His eyes locked on my chest. When he noticed I was looking, he panicked and looked away. I found it weird, but at the same time, he looked cute. I laughed to myself as I put my tumbler down.

“What’s so funny?” Tom looked at me, looking a bit mad.

“Nothing.” I replied, still with a wide smile.

Tom huffed and took another bite from his food. Throughout the new few minutes, I keep seeing Tom checking me out. The tank top I was wearing under my jacket was a little loose and I can see Tom finding chances that my chest would be exposed, and yes, he would look away whenever he notice that I’m staring back at him.

“I’m going to the bathroom, bro.” He said and ran off. I got a good glimpse of his hard on in his jeans. Once more, I laughed to myself and just followed him to the bathroom, leaving our food and bags on the table.

--

“Peter, stop.” Tom said, pushing me by my chest and I try to kiss him by his neck, my hands on his back and holding him hard.

My right hand migrated to Tom’s hard on. It may not be my first time seeing my bro’s cock, but it made me happy to feel that he’s rock hard.

“Peter. I’m serious, what brought this on, bro!”

“I know you want me, bro. I know you can’t resist me.” I whispered in his ears and I grabbed hard through the fabric of his pants.

Thomas moaned softly. His hands now moving above my shoulders. He pushed me to the sink and now he’s the one taking the lead. He helped me remove my jacket, then proceeded to kissing me with his right hand moving up my hair.

“Fuck, bro. You’re so hot.” Thomas remarked.

“Just shut up and kiss me bro.”

Fuck. My hormones are taking over me. For some reason, I just wanted Tom so bad. My bro ever since high school. I’m pretty sure I’m straight as a pole and I’ve fucked tons of girls before, but now, damn, I have a man to try my cock out.

“We’re still going to be bro’s after this, right?” I asked.

“Of course, Pete.” He replied and came back to kissing me.

He took off my tank top and kissed me slowly from my neck to my abs, licking my nipples on the way, which sent me straight to heaven.

“Let’s take this in the stall before someone sees us.” I said, pulling Thomas into the stall in the very end of the room.

I came in first and Tom followed, locking the door. Tom then knelt down while I remained standing. He opened my jeans and pulled my raging boner out. He slapped my cock on his face a few times before finally putting it in his mouth.

The pleasure was taking me to places I’ve never been to. I placed my arms on the walls beside me before I lose my balance. Tom was really working on my cock to the point that it never compared to any girls that did the same. With his free hands he pulled my jeans down to make himself more comfortable. My right hand then held the back of his head as he bobbed up and down. I helped him by pushing his head so that I can reach his throat. He gagged a few times but I know he’s enjoying it.

“Thomas, bro. I’m gonna blow.” Right after I said that, Tom pulled out, leaving me hanging.

He then stood up and pushed me so that I’ll be sitting on toilet with the seat cover on. He sat down my lap and started kissing me again. His right hand on my cock and he jerk me off. I then removed his shirt off and released his python out too. He was already leaking a huge amount of precum. We both jerked each other off while kissing each other, making the very softest moan we can do.

“Thomas”

“Peter”

“I’m near.”

“Me too.”

“Faster.”

“Shit, bro.”

“Bro, that’s so good.”

“Oh yeah-”

“Tom, I’m gonna-”

With that, I released my load all over my torso. Some splattered on to my face too. Tom took a few drops of cum on my chest and licked it from his fingers. Meanwhile, I’m still jerking him off. While I do, he cleaned me by licking every cum on my body.

“I guess I owe you a favor.” I said grinning at him.

I pushed Tomas so that I can stand up and this time, make him the one sitting on the toilet. I knelt down, and now I’m the one sucking him off. While I do so, Tom was speaking in between his soft moans.

“You know. I would have a small confession to make.” He sounded so sincere despite making to moan in between words. “I know you and Keith are straight, and I know you thought I am too.”

I listened to him carefully, slowing down my pace.

“But I was just trying to fit in. Peter, I’m gay ever since you’ve met me in high school.”

I stopped sucking him off and looked him straight in the eyes. With those words, I was suddenly brought back to my senses. I know I am straight, and now I just realized that I’m sucking my best friend off, but for some reason I still wanted that. Although, I can’t focus to myself right now. I was filled with worry about Thomas.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” I asked.

“Because I thought you guys would ignore me for that. You guys... I mean... We... We bullied Felix and making rumors about him being gay. I thought you guys hate men like me, but I don’t want to lose you guys. Especially you.” He explained. “Actually, I never had feelings for you. You never made me get hard. I learned how to control myself around you and I even had myself a girlfriend to help that, but for some reason, today, there’s this stirring inside me. As if everything I was doing suddenly disappeared and now I’m wanting you.”

I was left silent for a few while, thinking about what’s happening between us. Come to think of it, I was homophobic before, and I am sorry to make Tom feel like that. I then smiled and stood up to meet him.

“Well, now I guess there’s no point in pretending anymore, right?”

Peter looked at me with shock. I just kept on smiling at him until he gave me a smile back.

“You’re gonna break up with Alice, right?” I asked.

Tom looked away and the smile fades from his face. He sat properly on the toilet and I moved my face away from his.

“I don’t know, man. I mean... if you’re implying that we should starting going out together... I don’t want that.” He explained with a very down but assuring voice. “I mean, I wanna stay friends with you and only stay like that.”

“I understand.” I replied, trying to cheer him up. “But, well, you’re still breaking up with her, right?”

“Yeah. Just to let go of this. I’m coming out the closet.”

We both smiled at each other. Finally, I understand my best friend more than before. This probably created more bond between us.

“But hey. You’re not gonna leave me unfinished, right?” Tom said, pointing at his cock.

“Correct.” I then knelt back down and returned to sucking him off.

[alchemist-shizun]

have you ever do coming out? how it was?

I did, and let me tell you, I'm really really lucky, even if not every one of them was a good experience.

I've only fully come out to my other LGBT+ friends, online or irl, who are of course very accepting of everything.

I've come out about my sexuality only (the one I identified with at the time, which actually I realized wasn't for me this year) to a very few number of irl non lgbt+ friends in different occasions, it went really well in both, one quite literally made me feel like it was the most normal thing in the world since I was telling a story and he was completely unfazed when I mentioned I had a gf. The other two were really happy I could open up and trust them and were really supportive and would always ask me how it went with the girl I was with at the time. (these two were around 2018)

Then my family. Well.

This one's a little complicated because it's not that they hate me or kicked me out or anything I just kinda.. Feel like they don't care. And it's the type where you would be scared to bring up anything about the community because you're convinced they wouldn't care nor want to know anything. It's the type of "as long as you don't bother me I don't mind." which is the type of mindset my dad has a lot in regards to my sister's bf (just fyi, she's 21 and he's 23 so like... Wow thanks. Sometimes I feel bad for how he treats her about her bf.)

So when I came out about my sexuality to my mum, she was fine with it, we just talked about some lighthearted stuff.

Then she asked me something where I made a huge mistake, she said "do you want me to tell dad for you?" and I said yes, since I'm too scared. Well in hindsight I should've kept my mouth shut about it: see basically at the time I had an online girlfriend who was a couple of years older than me, and I mentioned that to mum, and basically when my dad confronted me, he did it in the worst way possible.

He was mad I was in a relationship with this person and he claimed she promised me something out of it?? Like I was with her only because of something and not because we liked each other. He hated (I think he still does, softened up a bit because my sister has had a long distance bf for 1 year) internet friendships or relationships and my mum lowkey did too because she kept saying how basically it's not real because it's all digital and digital life isn't real. (this really upsets me because what, then you would excuse cyber bullying with that type of reasoning? But whatever, not the topic)

So he was really mad at me and demanded he looked through my phone, to which I couldn't say no or else he would think I was hiding something (and anyway, if I said no he would've done it anyway), and he started looking through the entire chat (and other ones with my friends) and read thousands of texts.

Now at the time I had only said I liked both boys and girls cause I know the concept of nonbinary is already too complicated for them to understand and unfortunately my dad came across the label pansexual (since the gf at the time was pan), I explained it to him and he just said I read too many things on the internet.

Imagine how hurt I was because that was actually how I used to identify back then.

Things escalated during those months, everytime he got mad at me, he would randomly take my phone and read conversations I had with this girl and he would comment on them just because and make me feel even worse, he basically hated her and lowkey hated the fact that I was with her.

The worst thing was that I sadly vented to her about him sometimes and he would basically prohibit me to vent and that's how I ended up deleting every single vent moment I had right after we talked. Years later I come to know that my sister had actually access to my chatting app and would tell my dad what we said, which is why he told me back then "I know you're deleting texts".

My mum wanted to send me to therapy because she didn't understand a single thing of what I said when I said I wasn't sure whether I liked boys girls AND more or just boys and girls. She thought I meant I didn't know if I was straight or not, I meant I didn't know if I was bi or pan, which is why I never mentioned gender identities to them and why I am closeted about me being nonbinary to them. (btw this was the understanding of the difference between bi and pan at the time, I was 15, I now know it's more complicated than that.)

About my sister, she came to know in the worst way possible too. For some reason I was afraid she would be homophobic and after I told mum, there was this one time I was at a restaurant with family friends and my cousins, aunt and uncle.

May I say I was sitting right between my cousin and my sister and in front of my aunt.

Unprompted, she asks me if I'm gay, but like she used this Italian phrase that I really don't like much, since it's usually used to make jokes by straight people about someone being gay.

I was there like GOD FUCKING DAMN IT we're LITERALLY next to our cousin and aunt COULD U SAY THAT LOWER. I told her I wasn't straight and, I don't remember much really, but she was offended I didn't tell her first. Like, wow, okay, coming out is difficult as fuck, but go on, be offended.

I had to go to the bathroom right after because I had an anxiety attack.

After things quieted down with my parents (as in my dad wasn't taking my phone as much), things started escalating with the girl I was with, she assumed a rather toxic behavior and I ended up dumping her.

Can still remember how my sister told me dad had said "thank goodness" when he learnt I wasn't with that girl anymore.

How also my mum said "cmon maybe next time you'll get a boyfriend". Wonderful comfort mum yes I already had a bf before, he dumped me one month after because he liked someone else not sure I want to try the experience again!! :)

Anyway, this is the reason why I do not talk about my relationships to my parents anymore. I had a girlfriend for almost 2 years and my dad knew nothing. My sister did because she actually grew a little bit better about this stuff (she's the embarrassing questions type, but at least she's not a bitch) and my mum knew around 6 months in, because she asked and we were alone. (I still think she thinks I'm a lesbian)

Also the reason why, when I got a pride flag while on school journey in the UK, I hid it in my drawer. And the reason why I'm terrified of asking of going to pride.

As of now, I have a lovely partner and yes, my entire family absolutely doesn't know and will not know if not strictly necessary. Maybe I will tell my sister, I was thinking about it, because that could probably make some personal stuff less difficult to do.

See, technically it's not that bad now, we just never bring it up at all and I never think about the clusterfuck of things that happened in 2016.

[i-know-like-four-things]

The First Pride

Rating: gen

Warnings: none

Parings: Destiel

Summary: Dean never had a good experience with the gay community, and between his homophobic dad and the hunter lifestyle, that wasn't out of the ordinary. But maybe this pride would change things for Dean.

A/N: so @malmuses and @lizleeships wrote and drew, respectively, for a fic called “In Your Own Time” that I absolutely loved. Anyway, I’m feeling gay and since I can’t go to a pride parade, I’m making the boys go. 

Read on AO3 here, or continue reading below. Thanks so much, love you all.

The first time Dean heard about “the gays” he was ten. Dean remembered it fairly vividly, not because of the gay thing, but because it was the same night that Sammy finally started to figure out his math flashcards. He was only doing addition, and it's not like little six-year-old Sammy really knew the addition yet, but Dean saw the logic of it click in Sammy’s eyes. Dean could always remember the little things like that, when Sammy got something, because Sammy was always so proud of himself, and Dean was even more proud.

But that's not the point. Right as Dean was explaining to Sammy that “there is more than one way to make ten,” John was having a very heated conversation with some other hunters. They had just gotten back, and Dean was trying his hardest to not throw himself at his dad’s feet and prove how good he was. Instead, Dean was being more subtle. Good boys help their younger brothers with school work, and surely his dad must realize that. Anyway, that was the only reason Dean wasn’t in the middle of the conversation.

But hunters are a loud breed, and they were talking about politics. Really, they were only talking politics because every hunter there had had at least four beers and the room reeked of the stuff. They were wasted and wanted to complain about something. So they did. Mostly, Dean didn’t understand what they were talking about, but he caught a couple of things. He heard the words “dirty” and “homo” and “fag,” but that was about it.

Dean was ten, so of course he knew completely what all of those words meant. “Fag” and “homo” were things you did not want to be. You did not talk about those things, unless you were saying that you didn’t like them. So this was simply normal background noise for a slightly memorable day.

------

When Dean was 17 (well 22, according to his I.D.) he was trying to prove to his dad that he could handle talking to witnesses. This witch was killing young, attractive people, and they couldn’t figure out why.

So Dean decided to go to a bar and ask around, see if anyone knew anything. Dean, being the clever kid that he was, accidentally went to the only gay bar in that tiny town.

He didn’t notice at first. He just thought that the owner hired a weird decorator who couldn’t pick a color palate to roll with and who liked glitter more than any person should. Dean didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary, until he saw a boy barely older than himself, wearing nothing but obscenely short jean shorts.

Dean just went with it because he was working, after all. He went to the bar, hoping to flirt with some ladies. He sat, ordered a beer from a guy (girl?) who was dressed in all black and had piercings all over his (her? their?) face, and who gave Dean a disapproving look at his drink order. Dean paid the bartender no mind and just waited for someone in the crowd to sit next to him.

The only person who did was a huge man, with well-defined muscles, and a beard for days. Dean made some awkward chit-chat with the guy until he had had enough beers to lose some of his inhibitions. Dean made an excuse to use the bathroom.

He was washing his hands and checking himself out (he looked hot, thank you very much), when the guy from the bar came in. Dean said a half-aborted greeting before the man threw him against the sink and attacked his mouth.

Now, Dean had had plenty of affairs in his short life, but he had never been kissed like this man kissed him. It was all tongues and teeth and hot breath that tasted like alcohol, and it was the best experience of his life. This man was power and dominance and sex incarnate, and Dean felt like he could have fallen in love right there.

They broke the kiss and just breathed in each other’s air. Dean could barely breathe, but this guy looked about as bothered as someone who had just gotten off the couch. Then, the man took his large, beefy hand and placed it on Dean’s shoulder. Dean’s knees started to bend before a panic sounding like the boys who said “that’s gay” and his father screaming “faggot” resounded in his head. Dean lost it. His palms started sweating and his ribs started suffocating his lungs and his tongue was twice its normal size for some reason. And someone was screaming. They were screaming these horrible words and part of Dean hated that person and part of him thought they were right.

It turns out that Dean was the one screaming, and he barely dogged the guy slapping him before he ran out of the bar. Dean didn’t sleep that night, and he just told his dad and brother that the bar was a dead end.

They never did solve that case. Dean never figured out why.

------

There were many more instances like that throughout Dean’s life, but he mostly blocked them out. Dean was a man and a hunter at that, so he didn’t need to concern himself with things like sexuality or romance.

It's not like he was never curious. He did some googling once or twice, trying to figure out what he was, and why he likes the things he does. But he never let himself call himself anything. Also, he basically gave up on romance after Lisa. If she couldn’t handle his life, then no one could.

But that’s not important.

------

It was a disgustingly muggy summer day in Kansas and Dean was dying. Normally, Dean didn’t mind a little heat, but he did not like the heat and humidity combo. It made him feel like an animal and he hated it. It was eight o’clock in the morning and Dean was sweating like a whore in church. He was sitting in his room in the bunker trying to cool down, when Cas walked in the room.

“Hello Dean,” Cas began, as usual.

“Hey Cas. What’s up buddy?” Dean asked.

Cas’ face had not changed at all, except for a tiny little microscopic wrinkle between his eyebrows, which told Dean that he was uncomfortable. Dean turned his full attention to Cas and waited for him to speak.

“There is an event in Kansas City today. I would like you to take me. I think we should go now.” Dean raised his eyebrows at Cas’ determined tone, but stood up all the same. He put on a plain grey tee shirt and jeans (Dean Winchester does not do shorts) and tied a flannel around his waist. Dean didn’t say anything, just walked out to baby and expected Cas to follow.

Cas did just as Dean expected him to, and they both got in the car and left.

Another thing about the heat that Dean hated, was that it always made him feel bored. Like, it was too hot to wash baby or do anything really interesting. So the excuse to drive around with his best friend was a lot more appealing than sitting with his thoughts.

“So,” Dean began once they were on the main road, away from the bunker, “what’s in KC? A bee convention?”

The corner of Cas’ lip twitched a little, and Dean knew that Cas liked it. Cas twisted his mouth in a way that told Dean that Cas was in a mood to be stubborn.

“I’m not telling,” was all Cas said as he crossed his arms over his chest in a way that was painfully human.

“You’re not telling me?” Dean asked, incredulous. “Then how will I know where to go?”

“I’ll direct you to a parking lot, and then we will walk.”

“We have to walk?”

“Yes, Dean. We will walk. Humans evolved to be bipeds and walk on two legs, so that’s what we are going to do. Walk.”

Dean gave the biggest eye roll he could muster and kept on driving. Cas put in the mix tape that Dean made him, that he always seemed to carry around everywhere. (Cas was also the only one besides Dean who could choose the music, but that is neither here nor there.)

They drove for a while. When they got to the outskirts of Kansas City, Cas started giving directions. Dean felt that they were arbitrary directions, like Cas was just taking him around. Eventually, Cas directed him to a parking lot, and Dean put baby in a corner (heh) as far away from all other cars as he could get. Cas got out with and started walking purposefully away. Dean locked the car and followed.

Cas walked out of the parking lot and down the street, never speaking once. They walked for just a bit, before they turned a corner and Dean felt the wind get knocked out of him.

There were fucking rainbows everywhere. Men in banana hammocks. Women with only pasties on. People in leather and fluffy outfits. There was so much glitter Dean felt like he was choking on it.

They walked into the most crowded part of what was evidently a pride parade. Cas was walking close enough to Dean that he could feel the heat of his body, but not so close that they were touching. Dean was just following Cas’ lead, too beside himself to make any decisions of his own.

Good lord, it was hot. There were so many goddamned people, so many colors, so much glitter. God, everything smelled like sweat and bodies. Normally that smell meant a hunt, but now Dean was just trying to convince his heart that nothing was trying to kill him. He was fine. There was no danger, no need to run, he was fine.

Cas was walking over to one of the booths, filled with colorful fabric that made Dean’s skin itch. Dean was following Cas, walking just a half-step behind him, when he was struck with the smell of stale beer. That, with the stench of bodies was not an unfamiliar smell, but for some reason it turned Dean’s stomach in the most unpleasant way.

Cas was standing off to the side of the booth, looking at flags or something, when a man passed by Dean. It was the most casual gesture, but he pushed on the top of Dean’s shoulder in a way that had Dean’s knees shaking . If he didn’t feel like vomiting before, he sure as hell did now.

Apparently he had stopped walking and Cas was calling his name, but all Dean could think of was his dad screaming at him. How dare Dean not have a date with a girl? Why did Dean like Harrson Ford so damn much? Was Dean a homo? A pussy? A faggot?

“Dean. Dean. Dean!” Cas was screaming at him and Dean was hyperventilating. Jesus it was hot. There were so many people.

And then Dean was hotter but the world was brown and soft and smelled like the air before lightning and grass after it had rained. Cas was wrapping his arms around Dean, crushing Dean to his chest and stroking his hair. Dean shoved his nose into Cas’ shoulder and just tried to breathe, tried to not hear his dad anymore, tried to not hear the voices of hunters he knew from long ago, tried not to hear the voices of mean boys in the locker room.

Eventually, Dean’s breathing became more regular, and the tears that he would deny having shed stopped flowing, and he was okay. He stayed like that for a moment longer than necessary, just breathing in the smell of Cas. After a while, he pulled himself away from Cas, ready to deal with whatever the hell that was.

“Dean?” was the only thing Cas said, eyes open and pleading. He just wanted to make sure Dean was okay, and that made him feel worse.

“Sorry, man,” Dean said, running his fingers over the back of his head, “I guess I had some sort of panic attack or something. Sorry to be such a bummer.” Dean was deflecting harder than he ever had before. This day was one for the books, for sure.

“Dean, it’s okay. Every person’s first pride can bring up different emotions. Would you like to talk about what is troubling you?” And, of course, Cas saw right through his bullshit.

“Nah, man. I think I just got overwhelmed with all the people. It's no biggie. Hey, why’d you wanna come here, anyway? Not that I don’t support… this,” Dean gestured wildly, “but I just thought, ya know, you aren’t human so this wouldn’t apply to you. Or whatever.” Eloquent, Winchester.

Cas just gave his version of a grin and made no comment on Dean’s rambling. “I may not be human, but I pass as one. And, either way, I am living in the world as a human and I do not exactly conform to human standards of gender and sexuality. I am a genderless wave of celestial intent, and I feel attraction to all genders. I thought that, if I am living as a human, I may as well celebrate in the ways they do. Besides,” for the first time in Cas’ speech he looked away from Dean, “I thought you might enjoy it.”

Dean was baffled by this. How could Cas think he could enjoy this?

“Cas, I’m not… you know. I, uh, like chicks, man.”

“Dean,” Cas looked at him sympathetically, “it's okay. I know.”

Dean stood up then, pissed right the fuck off. “What the fuck do you mean ‘it’s okay’? What the fuck do you mean you know? You don’t know shit, Cas. You don’t know jack shit about me, or what I’ve been through, or who I am. You don’t know Cas!”

And people were looking now, and Cas was standing up and holding out his hands like he was trying to calm a spooked stallion. “Dean, stop. I did not mean to imply that I know what your experience has been. I just-”

“You just what, Cas? You don’t know how awful my dad was. You don’t know--. God, Cas you don’t know.” Dean was looking at Cas now, swept up in the depth of his eyes and all he could think of was blue and how much Cas simply did not know.

“What, Dean? What do I not know?” Dean couldn’t tell if that was fear or pity in Cas’ eyes, maybe it was both, but he decided he did not like it.

“God, Cas, you don’t fucking know --” and then they were kissing because for some reason, that was the thing that made sense to Dean in this moment. Later Dean would question why, in the middle of a gay panic, he would decide that making out with his best friend, who is a dude, was the most logical thing to do, but right then it was. Dean unceremoniously crashed his lips into Cas’, and they were the best fucking things Dean had ever tasted.

Cas seemed like he didn’t understand what was happening at first. He just stood there, until Dean almost stopped slobbering all over Cas’ face, before he got with the program. Cas fisted Dean’s short hair, pulling until it hurt, and he was kissing him back. Cas’ tongue was in Dean’s mouth and his chest was pressed against Dean.

They pulled off after a few minutes, and there was some cheering from off to their left, which made Dean blush. He hid his face by burying it in Cas’ coat, when Cas said, “What don’t I know, Dean?”

“That I fucking love you, you big asshole.” Dean grinned and punched the shoulder that wasn’t currently hiding his face.

Cas was silent for a moment, but eventually he replied. “I knew, you dummy. I know, and I love you too.”

Dean pulled away, and looked at this man, this angel, in complete awe of how he was in Dean’s life. But he decided to ride this wave of maybe-a-little-bit-more-than-nothingness that he was feeling and not overthink anything. He was just going to hold his angel’s hand and enjoy this parade.

[ravenbrenna09]

Sobbe Childhood Friends Snippet #2

On this epsiode of Brenna Avoids Studying because she’s avoiding it, here have some childhood friend Sobbe angst. Depending on how this next bit goes, it might end up not being reunion/makeup at the beach (years later), but we’ll see how it goes. I’m still gunning for it. 

@well-who-needs-angels-anyway

...

With Sander’s sudden and abrupt departure, combined with Nathan leaving for college and never coming home, Robbe clung a little too tightly to Jens. Sander had been Robbe’s oldest friend and Nathan was his brother, but both of them, constants in Robbe’s messy life, were gone, vanished like smoke and leaving Robbe clinging to fight for them. Jens invited him to the cabin and Robbe knew that Jana didn’t want him there but he went anyway. Moyo showed up too and that only pissed him off even more. 

Moyo and his homophobic jokes and comments, who also had no problem with Jens calling his ass tight and slapping him there. 

And, the worst part was Jens didn’t seem to realize the effect that it had on Robbe. 

Sander would.

But, Sander was gone. 

The night in the bathroom hadn’t been the first time that Robbe had considered the fact that he might’ve liked guys. In fact, his browser history could attain that. But, that night in the bathroom had been the final lock in the rattling of the cage, his feelings for guys breaking through with a fury. Robbe had known that he had feelings for Jens, especially with the lengths that he found himself willing to go through to break up Jens and Jana (even as he told himself it was because she was stealing his best friend away, and somehow that made him feel worse). 

But, that night in the bathroom had been his unlocking for his feelings for Sander.

All too quickly, his dreams of Jens, the one that made him feel dirty and guilty, Jens with his black hair and his too-long legs towering over Robbe, were quickly replaced by Sander, with his brown hair and his leather jacket and every single thing that they managed to do drunkenly in the bathroom at Senne’s party. Occasionally, Jens would still pop up, but only if Robbe forced him too, because he wanted to forget Sander because Sander had left and he wasn’t coming back. 

Robbe couldn’t imagine himself being with anyone else, didn’t want to, so he tried to fall into a blissful piece of whatever Jens had with Jana. And, surprisingly, there were a handful of girls that were more than eager to kiss Robbe, much to Moyo’s absolute annoyance. Robbe would date a girl for a couple of months, make out in her bedroom, at parties where everyone saw, let her push him up against the brick wall. He would stop their hands when they got too low, made up some excuse when they pouted, and had gotten pretty good at hiding that it didn’t do anything to him.

Sometimes, he wanted to try, to be normal, but he stopped because he knew that they wouldn’t do anything. 

After a bit, Robbe would make up another excuse as to why he needed to break up with her. He didn’t have time for a relationship, his mom was a little much, they deserved better than someone like him.

With each passing relationship failure, Jens and Moyo were loud in their complaints that he was a fucking idiot. Robbe pretended that he didn’t feel the same way because it was all an elaborate ruse to hide from them, hide from himself. The only person he wanted to be that close to was a guy, and that it was Sander, his oldest friend, but Sander was gone, moved to France, dropped off all contact, and never was going to look back.

He was never going to come back.

Until he did. 

To visit Senne. 

Robbe was half-propped against the brick wall of the courtyard, using his bag as a cushion to protect himself from the bricks behind him. This time around, his girlfriend was kissing him a little feverously, open-mouthed and tongue, and it felt a little too hot and heavy to be having before school had even started and somehow Robbe felt like that might’ve been the entire point. Her hand was pressed against his chest, moving faster and faster down his body, until Robbe managed to snag it by the wrist. 

His girlfriend let out a groan, looking up to stare at him. 

“We can’t,” Robbe started. 

“Why not?”

“We’re right outside of school!” 

His girlfriend started to respond back, opening her mouth in a way that should’ve been cute or seducing, but wasn’t, likely to fire off some flirtatious response about a bathroom or a shower, and Robbe prepared himself to deflect it. But, they’re both cut off. “Hey.” 

Robbe twisted, so fast that he might’ve been worried about his neck, feeling his breath leave his body and his blood boil in anger all in one coordinated, single flip. 

Sander. 

Despite having gone to France for almost a year, he hadn’t changed that much. He still wore dark jeans and a leather jacket, all for the aesthetic, and a David Bowie t-shirt. He had gotten taller, a little bit, and he now wore a pair of Doc Martens on his feet. He had dyed his hair a brilliant platinum blond and it looked a little too good for Robbe to be mad at him. He stood there in front of them like he had always been able to be there and his green eyes darted to his girlfriend with a guarded look on his face. 

No, Robbe inwardly hissed. He does not get be jealous.

“Senne is in the courtyard,” Robbe edged out, his grip on his girlfriend’s side getting a bit tighter. Sander’s eyes snapped towards him, his pupils dilating slightly, and Robbe forced himself to stare at him. “You might have to try a few times to get his attention. He’s been pretty wrapped up in Zoë lately.” 

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you too,” Sander started. 

“Now?” Robbe questioned, his eyebrows raising. Sander nodded. “I’ll see you inside.” His girlfriend looked confused, but nodded anyway, pressing a kiss to his lips, making it a little more filthy than a peck on the lips should be, before disappearing into the courtyard. Robbe crossed his arms over his chest. “What do you want?”

“Does she know?” Sander questioned, gesturing over his shoulder. 

Robbe swallowed. “Know what?” he questioned. 

“You’re seriously going to make me say it?” It’s a joke, light one at best, but Robbe is tired. 

“What?” Robbe questioned, glancing around. 

They were the only ones alone now, but Robbe didn’t want to have this conversation here and now. All it took was one person around the corner to catch steam in a high school rumor mill. Robbe was already dodging rumors and Moyo’s homophobic comments, to begin with, and if anyone heard what he was about to say, it would only make it worse. 

But, Robbe needed to know if Sander remembered too, “That you sucked me off in a bathroom at Senne’s party, disappeared without warning to Paris even though you’d known for months that you were moving there, and left me here wondering what the fuck I did wrong with no explanation?” 

Sander blinked, looking shameful, and somehow, that made it all worse.

“Is that what you were going to say?” Robbe questioned. 

Sander was quiet, biting down on his lip. 

As Robbe moved into the courtyard, which was loud and crowded, he turned back to Sander, who had feebly turned to look at him and replied, “Senne’s over there, wrapped up in Zoë, but I’m sure that he’ll be glad to see you.” 

“Robbe,” Sander was staring at him now. “How can I fix this between us?” 

Robbe didn’t have an answer, and Sander knew him well enough to know that, so he walked off into the courtyard, putting on the happy smile for his girlfriend, silencing her question with a kiss, and flipping off Moyo over her shoulder when he let out a catcall.

...

I’m going back to studying I swear. 

[nonbinarypoststhings]

Hi, irrelevant, I know, but do you remember anything about the highschool period of your life? I swear this part is the most stressful part of all my life, first I figure out my sexuality, then I move away from all my friends, then my gender, and as if it's not enough, add to that school and standardised tests and all the typical drama of being a teen. Oh and also don't forget that you're somehow supposed to make choices that will affect the rest of your life.How does anyone even survive it?

I do remember my high school life, and as I have reconnected with one of my old classmates recently, I've even talked a bit about it with her.

(Warning for Homophobia, transphobia, Sexism, Racism. Only the homophobia is like explicit, but the others are mentioned. Feel free to tell me if there is more warnings I should have. Also, long post)

High school is a tough period of time for everyone. Everyone is struggling with who they are, and what they want in life.

And add in the layer of being Lgbtq+ it becomes more frustrating.

I have a hard time translating the school things from my country to others, but I believe I graduated what would be translated into high school only this year, but I will still talk about my old school which I graduated from three years ago.

My class back then was not the best place for anyone who is lgbtq+. Me and the classmate I mentioned earlier connected well back then, and still do now, but the rest of them..? Not so much (I will also exclude two more people from that rest, who also is my friends now).

We were a class of 22 or 23, and yes I believe that most of us probably were at least somewhat accepting of the lgbtq+ community, we still only had, from what I know, 2 people who actually is in the community. Neither of us accepted it at the time, even though we both were proudly supportive of the community.

The thing is, she struggled with internalized shit about her identity and that delayed the realization.

I was genderfluid, and same thing there. I denied my own gender because, my friend was nonbinary, I couldn't also be, right? So internlized shit that delayed the realization.

Neither of us came to term with it until after we had left that school.

But I have a clear memory of us both Hating our class, we were a class of mainly guys, and every single guy was white (tbf, we had 1 person who wasn't white in our class all together).

We all know what white cis straight men are famous for...

Being bigots.

I don't know if anything has changed these past years, I haven't talked to them. But back then,

At least half of them were openly sexist, homophobic, transphobic etc.

I have a clear memory, that still Disgusts me so much to this day, of a sex ed class where the teacher, bless her, tried to be inclusive and ask us what we thought about gay couples. (Not how it should be done, but it was atleast a try in the right direction) The guys, who always ran the show (the ones I hated more than I think I can explain), said (TW for Homophobia):

"Gay guys are disgusting. Lesbians are hot".

I was so mad, my skin was crawling with disgust, still is when I think about it. To everyone who only accept lesbians because they think it's hot, you are disgusting. Lesbians are real people and they are not there to please some man. It's not for you, it's between the lesbian and her girlfriend and you should Stay Out Of It!

It wasn't a great place to be out in, so maybe it wasn't weird for us to ignore our own identity, to not want to be lgbtq+ in that space, because if we had been out back then even just to ourselves we would've had to face these people every day and therefore face these kind of things knowing that they are talking about us like this. Even though they didn't know it, they were and it was disgusting and terrible.

(I am not saying repress your gender or sexuality until you are older, you don't have to do that at all. Just be safe, and know that if people are mean or ignorant, they are wrong. You are valid and loved and we all support you so much. Find support, and don't let bigots tear you down. You are Valid and you are who You are no matter what others tell you)

I wanted out of that class, from those people, ever since I was like 6-7 years old. I hoped when we switched school when we were 12-13 that I would end up without a bunch of them. I did still have that same class, which really I had expected even if I hoped differently.

At 16 I got a change to move across the country, I took it. Actually, I kinda fought for it, and I was lucky enough to get it.

Moving away from all my friends were scary even if I had made an active choice to do so. I was terrified that I would be lonely, and that everyone at this new school would be terrible and I had to move back home and face that shame of failure (obvs, it wouldn't be actual failure to get out of a toxic place if it has been that, but I saw it as such)

When I came to this new school, everything was super different from back home.

My class was, to my standards, filled with so many different people with different cultures. All of them different from mine because I was from across the country, from a small town. And suddenly here I was in a gigantic city.

Anyway, this school taught me a lot, about everything. My class had openly Lgbtq+ people. My new friends were suddenly all queer or questioning, and I was in awe, because... It could be like this?

Also, everyone was super nice to me. Asking for my instagram on day 1 so we could be friends on there, showing me how to get back home in this new city when everything was so new to be, starting conversations and being just geniune good people. Like, huge shout out to those people.

I learned so much about oppression, and how to stand against it in this school, not because I myself was oppressed, I'm white and at the time I thought I was cishet.

No, I learned because our teachers wanted us to learn about all these things that I knew were real problems but I had only heard of in fiction, never in real life.

I got to a safe space, where racist teachers got fired asap. Where teachers were openly queer and my classmates could come out as trans to the class simply by stating their new name and pronouns. No questions asked. I got to a school where every introduction included name and pronouns. Where we were all shown that we can be who we are and that is okay. And where teachers apologized to students in a real and honest way when they did something wrong.

In this environment I got to figure out who I am. Yes it took two years, but I figured it out and felt safe enough to tell my new friends in weeks, because they accept everyone.

So, the question, how do you survive high school?

My answer is simply, you hold onto the belief that you will survive, and that things will get better. And you will get there.

You can try to find other lgbtq+ people in your school, I know some have groups you can join (mine didn't).

And with the tests, I guess I recommend you study, and remember that a bad grade isn't the end of the world. You are worth more than a grade.

I wish I could promise you that you could enter a school like mine, where everything certainly wasn't perfect (you never get rid of high school drama...), but it was still a very friendly space.

But I can promise you that you are not alone and things will be better. If it gets better in high school or if it gets better years later, I can't tell you. But it does get better. And you will survive.

Also, sorry for this extremely long answer, it was probably not what you're looking for. But I hope you find an answer in there eitherway.

Long story short, high school is a shitshow, but the show must go on.

Also, gender neutral bathrooms in schools should be standard (it has been in all schools I've gone to and no one is complaining here, not even the transphobes).

Also, the reason why I barely mention the girls in my old class, is simply because there were almost none and nothing any of them have said when I've been around has been relevant to this answer.

Tell me if you want things tagged or added to the warnings at top.

[jobethdalloway]

Did a riff on the first prompt of @thepriceisrizzoli‘s list here! Hoping to get to more soon! Academy-aged Jane agrees to go to Frost’s family’s Thanksgiving dinner as his fake date, but is sidetracked by the presence of a certain med student...

~*

“Soooo, Jane.”

“What do you want, Frost?”

“What makes you think I want anything?” 

Jane swiveled around in her chair to face him, and he was relieved to see that despite her deadpan tone, she was at least smiling. “Whenever you come in like that, like saying ‘so’ with a bunch of O’s on the end, it’s because you want something. So let’s just cut the small talk and get to it.”

His shoulders slumped, but he stayed resolved. “What’re your Thanksgiving plans? I promise this isn’t just small talk.”

“Oh, Uh, I dunno, I kinda figured I might just go to Boston Market.” She shrugged. “My family’s going to Maine to spend a few days with my aunt’s family, and on top of being really obnoxious, they’re homophobic as hell so I may have told Ma I was gonna be way too busy studying up for our written exam to take a vacation. Even a short one. Took a lot of convincing, but to let her feel okay with leaving me here alone on a family holiday, but she knows how important this test is.”

“Oh, and I bet you’re planning to study real hard,” Frost chuckled.

“For sure,” Jane said with mock seriousness. “Gonna, you know, kick back with a beer and really hit the books. And by books, I mean ESPN.”

“Cool, sounds good, sounds good...but what if I had a counter-offer? At least for the holiday itself? Like, say, an undercover mission?”

Jane frowned thoughtfully. “I’m listening.”

Encouraged, Frost grabbed a nearby chair and sat down to be at Jane’s eye level. “Speaking of obnoxious relatives, my mom invited my aunts’ families for Thanksgiving, and if I show up to another family function without a girlfriend, my cousins will eat me alive.”

“You’re afraid of your cousins, dude?”

“They’re teenagers, Jane. Merciless. I am still getting guff about an unflattering pair of pants I wore to my uncle’s wedding three years ago. Pants that, say, a girlfriend might’ve warned me were unflattering. If I had a girlfriend. Isn’t it so sad that Barry doesn’t have a girlfriend? What’s wrong with Barry? Have we tried setting up Barry with Miles’ neighbor’s niece’s single friend?”

Jane held her hands up, trying to keep her friend from spinning further into a tizzy. “Okay, okay. So.., you want me to pretend to be your girlfriend,” she deduced.” Frost nodded mutely and Jane leaned back, putting the tips of her fingers together. “Interesting proposition. Haven’t pretended to be straight in like, three years. Maybe it was the same day you wore an ugly-ass pair of pants and I saw you while I was crossing the street or something and I was like, that’s it. I’m ready to declare my intent to swear off men altogether.” 

Frost laughed in exasperation. “Sure, let’s say it was that same day. Now what about this upcoming Thursday?”

She pretended to think about it for another minute. “Hmmm. Sounds like it’d be extremely difficult and dangerous. But Jane Rizzoli never backs down from a challenge.” She reached over to grasp his hand, as if they were making a solemn oath. “I’m down, man, let’s do it! And afterwards, if you want to spread it around how great I did on an undercover assignment with you, well...”

“Everyone will know you’re a pro!”

Unfortunately for Frost, things did not go quite as smoothly as he’d hoped.

He and Jane made a great first impression on his family, His mother Camille made a fuss over them, and Frost was almost a little alarmed by how smooth a liar Jane was, coming up with creative answers to all of Camille’s questions about how they’d come to start dating. She had her arm looped through Frost’s, and would swing them or squeeze his hand at choice moments in certain anecdotes when his aunt and cousins come by to also pester the new couple with inquiries. His cousins thought it was "so adorable!” that they’d come wearing matching football jerseys, an evaluation Jane had been banking on, which came with the benefit of not having to wear a nice dress.

“You’re doing good,” Frost whispered in an undertone in a rare moment alone—they had volunteered to go to the kitchen to get more appetizers out for the endlessly snacking children. “Maybe laying it on a little thick, though?”

Jane whirled around from the fridge, slamming her hands on the counter on either side of him and leaning in close. “Sorry, baby, this is what you signed up for,” she said in the huskiest voice she could muster.

“You...almost had me,” he squeaked. “But then you said ‘baby.’“ 

“Oh. Too much?”

“Little bit.”

They resumed their work of emptying bags of candied nuts. “You’re just lucky there’s no single or age-appropriate women at this party,” Jane said with a smirk. “Otherwise, I mean, I don’t know if I could reign in all this Rizzoli charm. But just to clarify, you said your sister was coming, right? She’s very cute...”

“Yes, she’s coming, but I regret I have to remind you she’s straight,” Frost snorted. “So it’s gonna be no dice with Abby. I guess there’s that friend of my mom’s we met. Robin? I think mom said she’s recently divorced, although from a husband. Could be bi, though.”

His tone made it clear he was teasing, and Jane opened her mouth to reply, but didn’t say anything right away. She was pretty sure she had picked up some heavy vibes between Robin and Camille, but if Camille hadn’t said anything to Frost yet, Jane certainly wasn’t about to speculate. “Yeah,” she eventually said. “I dig older women, for sure. But uh, I’ll keep my raging attraction in check for the sake of the mission.”

Her commitment, however, only went so far. When a woman showed up who was single and whose sexuality was undetermined, all bets went flying off the table.

Some of the cousins had started a football game in the backyard, and Jane was fast to get into the fray. Some were surprised to see that the composed young woman they’d been introduced to turned out to be one of the most aggressive in the game, tackling guys twice her size. Jokes were made about her and Frost trying to out-perform each other. Jane was running to catch a pass when the porch door opened, and Frost’s sister Abby walked out with a friend. Jane did a double take, locked eyes with Abby’s friend, and the football smashed her in the face.

She wondered if she’d blacked out for a second, because it seemed very all of a sudden that she was on her back on the ground, and this beautiful girl was hovering over her. Frost had come to her side as well, but it sounded like the game was still going on without them.

“What the hell happened there?” Frost asked, trying not to laugh. “That catch was yours to lose!”

“And I did,” Jane groaned, sitting up and instinctively shifting to touch her nose.

But the girl gently took hold of her hand and said, “Leave it alone for now, let’s get it cleaned up.”

Jane looked at her as if still very much in a daze, and Frost frowned, connecting the dots. He cleared his throat loudly, giving Jane a pointed look. “So, Jane, this is Abby’s friend, Maura. They’re classmates. And Maura, Jane is m-”

“Abby’s classmate?” Jane asked with a smile, which Maura reflected. “Med school, huh? So, you could tell me if this is broken?”

“I’m inclined to say more like a fracture,” Maura said, helping Jane to her feet. “Why don’t we get it washed off first, though? Then I can give you a more proper diagnosis.”

Frost half-heartedly stood up with them, but stopped at the porch rather than follow them inside. Abby was sitting on the steps, and she got up to give him a hug. “Do you know if your friend is like, available, and/or interested in women?” Abby asked. “Because mine is, and we both went to help when she went down and I’m pretty sure Maura tripped me on purpose to make sure she got there first.”

A flurry of concerned Frost friends and relatives surrounded Jane and Maura once they got back inside, but Jane reassured them all that the bleeding made it look worse than it really was, and Camille was proud of the chance to remind everyone that Maura was a classmate of her daughter’s from BCU’s medical school. She steered them to the nearest bathroom to clean up in, and handed Maura a dish towel she was prepared to sacrifice to a bloody nose.

“Normally, I’d prefer something sterile, but I think in this case beggars can’t be choosers,” Maura said, shutting the bathroom door after herself. “Are you sure you’re feeling all right? You look very flushed.”

“I’m...yes, I’m fine,” Jane said, clearing her throat.

The problem was that she’d seen way too many movies where people snuck off to bathrooms at parties to make out, and it was a hard image to get out of her head, and that had made her blush and it got worse when Maura had commented on it. As Maura set about dampening the cloth, Jane rolled up her sleeves as best she could and leaned against the wall, trying to strike a pose that was casual but also showed off her arm muscles in a not-too-obvious way. She shifted a few times, and couldn’t help flexing as she crossed her arms when Maura looked back at her. Maura’s eyes indeed lingered on her arms, and Jane tried to mask how pleased she was.

“So!” Such a declaration obviously required a follow-up, but now that Maura was looking her in the eye again, Jane’s stomach flipped and she could feel her bravado slipping like air out of a balloon. “You...come here often?”

“Abby’s mother’s bathroom? I’m afraid not,” Maura chuckled. She wiped away most the blood, and Jane flinched a little. “You should hold this, I mean, you were pinching your nose before, and you ought to keep doing it for a minute to make sure you’ve stemmed the blood flow.” Jane hastily obeyed, but neither of them was good with silences, so Maura asked, “Have you been here before? The house, I mean?”

“Actually, no—”

But answering while pinching her nose meant that Jane’s voice came out in a muffled nasally register, sending them both into peals of laughter. Maura tried hard to get a grip on herself because it was clearly hurting Jane to be laughing so hard; Jane winced as she tried to control her wheezing, grasping onto the sink to steady herself. They couldn’t look at each other, because the giggling was contagious, and just seeing Maura smile made Jane want to laugh at how stupid this all was. Finally they’d had enough time to regain their composure, and Jane said she was pretty sure the bleeding had stopped.

“So where are your folks?” Jane asked, focusing on the mirror as she cleaned herself up. “I’m guessing you’re not from around here?”

“What makes you say that?”

“Well, I mean, you’re not with your family for Thanksgiving.”

Maura shook her head to clear it. “Yes. Oh, right. My parents are traveling; they’re often abroad. What about you?”

“My family’s out of town. I stayed home to be studious, but I’d just have been at my place watching the game alone if Frost hadn’t invited me over. You like football?”

“Mm, not much, to be honest.”

Jane shrugged, dropping the towel. “Not for everyone, I guess. Phew. Doesn’t look too awful, right? What’s the proper procedure from here, like, do you think you could fix this for me?”

With a delicate touch that sent shivers up and down Jane’s spine, Maura took her face in her hands. “I think so, yes.”

Eager to prolong the conversation as much as possible, Jane bit her lip as Maura continued to assess her. “Um, so, if football is off the table, can I ask what you do like?”

“Hm. While as far as I know I don’t like sports, I’m open to having my mind changed because I really like learning. I like poetry. I like going for walks in the rain. I like modern art and going to zoos and I like when girls wear baseball caps backwards. And...” She popped the hairline fracture back into place, prompting Jane to squeak “ow!” but before she could lodge a formal complaint, Maura said, “I like brunettes.”

“Whoa,” Jane breathed. 

It seemed like her turn to add something to the conversation, but then Maura seemed to remember herself—or rather, remember her medical responsibilities. “We should get some ice on that,” she mumbled, as if embarrassed all of a sudden by how forward she’d been. “Or you’ll start to look like Mike Tyson.”

“Hey! Nice sports reference,” Jane said. 

Trying to assure Maura that she hadn’t found the flirting weird (in fact, quite the opposite), Jane reached around her to open the door for her. They were back in close proximity now, and Maura might’ve been ready to close the door again to see what might happen if Frost hadn’t seen his window to barge in.

“SWEETHEART!” he boomed in a theatrical voice, Jane assumed was intended to be loud enough for relatives down the hall to hear. “Thank goodness you’re all right!”

He put his arms around her, and in a moment where it might’ve seemed appropriate for an actual couple to kiss, he suddenly looked weirded out and Jane looked disturbed. Maura noticed the oddness of the exchange, amplified by the fact that they seemed frozen in awkward position, but she was nonetheless mortified and ducked out of the room.

“Dude!” Jane hissed, pushing him away. “We were vibing!”

“Dude, you’re supposed to be here as my date!” Frost whispered back. “Can’t you just keep it in your pants for one day?!” 

“Frost, you don’t understand, she flirted with me!”

“Oh, you are so toast if you ever have to deal with a hot girl while you’re actually undercover.”

Jane gave his arm a light punch. “Okay, okay. You’re right, I’m sorry, I did accept this invitation on the promise that I’d convincingly act like your girlfriend. And I will continue to do so. But... aw, man. Can I please at least tell Maura? If she sees me being all cute with you, I dunno, I don’t want her to think she messed up trying to make a move on me.” 

Frost glanced down the hallway, checking to make sure no one else had wandered over. When he looked back at Jane, she was giving him the bambi eyes and puppy dog pout combo that meant instant death to any and all ill will. “Ugh! Okay, fine, I don’t wanna crotch-block you. But make sure she’s the only one who knows!”

Jane grinned and gave him a real hug. “Ahh, thanks man! Oh, and I gotta borrow this. Don’t worry, people will think it’s super cute.” She nimbly removed his baseball cap as she walked by, and flipped it around backwards. Camille directed her to the kitchen, where she had sent Maura to get an ice pack. Frost was hot on her heels, and as his mother had started bringing food out into the dining room, he loudly insisted that she relax while he brought everything in—to ensure no one else overheard whatever conversation Jane and Maura were about to have.

“Here,” Maura said, handing Jane an ice pack with a dish towel wrapped around it. “That should help. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? What’re you sorry about?” Jane asked.

“F-for...” Maura rolled her eyes, sighing. “Abby just told me you’re her brother’s girlfriend, and I totally threw myself at you and—”

“No, no, no,” Jane whispered. “It’s cool, it’s cool, um, it’s not real. Me and Frost. He’s my bro and I love him, but not like that.”

Maura raised her eyebrows hopefully. “Oh?”

“Yeah, he was self-conscious about coming home without a girlfriend, like, I guess it’s something his family ribs him about a lot so I agreed to come along and kinda help him out. Just this once,” she hastened to add. “Like, just for today. Come tomorrow, I’m gonna be free as a bird. Hell, come tonight. As soon as we leave.”

Her eagerness was obvious and flattering. “Oh, thank God,” Maura sighed feeling much lighter. “It wouldn’t have been the first time I misread a social cue, so I thought maybe you weren’t...” She trailed off, and they exchanged a shy smile. “I may not know a lot about football, but I do know that you looked pretty good out there. Really nice form, for a few seconds.”

Jane snorted. “Yeah, well, I do like to think I’m pretty good. But, uh, turns out I can get distracted pretty easy when there’s a beautiful woman around.”

“That’s going to make your mission of acting as Barry’s girlfriend pretty difficult today, then, isn’t it?” Maura asked.

Following Maura’s line of vision to the counter she, Jane, was leaning her arm on, Jane finally noticed that instead of casually resting her hand on a hot pad like she thought she’d done, she had accidentally let her fingers slip into a cooling pan of baked macaroni and cheese. They both stared for a few painfully long moments as Jane cast about for some witty remark she could make about this situation. That option was not afforded her, though, when Frost came hurrying back in and saw his friend’s hand in a dish. He pulled his sweater up over his mouth to muffle a shriek, which jolted Jane enough to yank her hand out. 

“You useless lesbian!” he said, voice still muffled by his sweater, as he ladled out the portion of the macaroni that Jane had touched.

“Hey, wait,” Jane said, stopping his hand as he prepared to toss the contaminated food into the sink. “That’s still good, don’t let it go to waste, I’ll eat it.” 

Grumbling, Frost grabbed a spoon to smooth over the mussed mac & cheese, and took it out to the dining room. As Jane cleaned the ladle she had just eaten out of, the last of the straggling kids had come running in from the backyard, and she figured it was probably time to make good on her word to Frost and go make a show in front of everyone else. She turned fully away from the sink only to see Maura standing much closer.

“You’ve got some cheese here,” Maura said, pointing to the corner of her own mouth. She held out her thumb before Jane could do anything about it, though. “May I?”

“Sure,” Jane said, hoping she sounded much cooler than her dangerously thundering heartbeat would’ve implied. 

Unbeknownst to either of them, though Jane had kept her word by making sure Maura was the only person she told about her and Frost’s secret plan, they were sharing this cutesy moment in full view of Camille and Robin, who could see it all unfold from the dining room through a small wall opening over the kitchen sink.

“Hmmmm,” said Robin, watching as Maura made the quick but obvious gesture of licking the cheese of her finger. “So, uh, Barry’s girlfriend...?”

“Oh, she’s gay as hell,” Camille whispered. “Mm. This is gonna be rough. I know I said I wanted to tell Barry about us tonight, when everyone’s gone, but it might be too much to hear about his girlfriend and his mom on the same day.”

“What makes you think he’ll find out about Jane today?” 

Jane and Maura came into the dining room chatting animatedly, and Frost rolled his eyes but managed a small smile as Jane blindly reached for his hand. With her other hand occupied holding the ice pack to her nose, Jane used her foot to nudge a chair out for Maura.

“Hm. Y’know, maybe he already knows,” Robin mused.