#second to last paragraph is too real :c

[streetlight11]

I Remember You

Summary: You grew up with your foster parents who found you at their doorstep when you were a newborn baby. They raised you up ever since and treated you like their own. When you turned 16, you started to keep getting the same recurring dream with the same scenes playing again and again. Until one day, it began to unveil more and more secrets to the dream which ends up showing you the bigger picture

Theme: supernatural au, strangers to lovers

Genre: slowburn, romance, fluff, a pinch of sadness(?)

Warnings: mentions of partial drowning, slight bullying, fights, injuries, cosmos, those paragraphs in italics are the dreams

W/C: 17.8k (sorry)

Pairing: Celestial!Jungkook x Human!FemReader

a/n: Hello hello! I'm back with a new fic✌🏼I wanted to try and write a theme I've never tried before so I honestly don't know if this is good or not. I'll let you decide :) *characters and storyline is completely fictional*

“Y/N, sweetie! Don’t go too near the lake!” Your foster mother said as she walked side by side with your foster father. Your 5 year old self was running around the park, trying to diligently catch the beautiful sky blue coloured butterfly. You ignored their calls of asking you to be careful because of course, kids will never listen. You got further and further away from your elders as you were so close to catching the butterfly when all of a sudden, your feet missed a step on the wooden bridge.

Within a split second, you plunged into the lake before your elders could chase after you. Water flushed down your nose and mouth, accidentally swallowing it in huge gulps while you were desperately crying for help. Since you were just a 5 year old kid, you didn’t know how to swim nor were you taught not to open your mouth and breathe underwater.

You were growing unconscious due to the large amount of water that had already started to fill your lungs. You were ready to just accept your fate that you were going to die right then and there. Except, luck has a different plan for you. Just when you were on the brink of completely drowning, a sudden new figure dives into the lake and swoops you into their arms before bringing you back up easily. Once you were on land, they began to do CPR on you until you finally managed to cough out a huge amount of water that had gotten into your lungs.

After you have recovered slightly, the voice of the person who had just saved your life, rings in your head like a lingering memory.

“Are you okay?”

It was a man. You glanced up but all you can see is a shadowy figure looming over you. Nothing about him or his appearance is clear and so it was pretty useless to even guess who or what he looked like.

Right after you’ve gotten a glimpse of his presence there with you, everything goes white. Even though this is just a dream, everything about this felt so entirely real. Almost as if this same exact scene happened before in your life.

And it did.

You just don’t remember it. Not yet.

And then you awoke.

You’ve been getting that same recurring dream ever since you turned 16. They’re all the same dream where it stops abruptly after your savior asks if you are okay. As much as you want to figure out the details of the dream, you couldn’t because you don’t have much to work with aside from it being what looks to be an old memory of what happened to you years ago. Nevertheless, you lived your days like every other normal teenager until you were now in your last year of university.

That’s where you met two of your current best friends and their names were Hwang Hyunjin and Han Jisung.

You were like three peas in a pod ever since college days. Everywhere one goes, the other two follow. Except the toilet of course. There isn’t anyone on this earth (aside from your foster parents) that you could trust more than you trust them. Only reason being you were an only child. Not to mention, adopted. So everyone in school used to make fun of you a lot. They called you all kinds of nicknames and said that your real parents never loved you enough to take care of you.

It hurts a lot, having to hear those words being thrown at you when you were barely a kid. However, you loved your foster parents so much, you tried so hard to ignore the bullies and carried on with your life just to make your elders happy. You couldn’t bear to see them sad so you made a promise to yourself that no matter what happens, they will always come first and you will do whatever it takes to give them a happy and successful life when you’re older.

It wasn’t easy of course but you made it through. Not only that, who knew college would let you cross paths with two of the most genuine individuals who actually cared for you and not expect anything in return. For that, you’re thankful you met Hyunjin and Jisung.

Everyday is such a blessing with them around and today was no different.

You were heading to the parking lot after your class ended when you saw a group of four guys gathered at the near entrance of the campus building. Both Hyunjin and Jisung still have yet to finish their lectures so you told them you’d wait for them by the car. You were about to walk down the stairs when one of the guys blocked your path intentionally.

“Hey, um… Y/N right?” He asked, to which you frowned. You don’t seem to recognize him so how did he know your name?

“Yeah? Sorry, do I know you?” Your voice was timid and almost inaudible.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve introduced myself. My name’s Changbin. This is Wooyoung, Yeonjun and Haknyeon. I’ve uh… been wanting to talk to you actually but I didn’t know how. So I kinda asked your friend about you…” He said while scratching the back of his neck nervously. Upon this revelation, you frowned as you tilted your head slightly in confusion.

“My friend?” You asked.

“Han Jisung?”

“Ah… Right, Mr Dumber…” You said casually, earning a few chuckles from them.

“So… I was wondering, if you’d wanna hangout with me tonight? I know this really awesome billiard place downtown.”

“Um… Sure. Yeah, I think that sounds good.” You said as he asked to exchange numbers with you and so you did. Once you were done, you bid them goodbye and soon walked over to your car. It didn’t feel weird or creepy talking to him but it did catch you off guard slightly considering you’ve never gotten someone to actually come up to you bravely like that and asked for your number. So for that, you kinda respected Changbin for that.

A few minutes later, your friends finally came and Jisung seemed happy as he was seen bouncing in his steps over to where you were standing.

“You look overly happy and satisfied. What’s up?” You asked, only for him to smirk.

“A little birdie told me that somebody’s got a date tonight…” Jisung teased you in front of Hyunjin who looks like he had absolutely no idea what’s going on.

“It’s not a date.”

“Really? What time is he picking you up?” He smirked at you, ignoring Hyunjin’s wide eyes staring back and forth between you and Jisung.

“We haven’t set a time yet, Ji. Now shut up and get in.” You said in annoyance as you unlocked your car doors and entered the driver seat easily while the other two followed suit.

“I’m sorry but what is going on? Can some kind soul please fill me in on what’s going on?” Hyunjin asked as he turned his body 90° to face you and turned his head back to glare at his same aged friend. Finally, Jisung explained the situation to Hyunjin and you were thankful that Hyunjin was just letting it slide without actually teasing the shit out of you.

A few hours went by, and you were finally done getting ready to meet up with Changbin. You opted for a simple crop top, skinny ripped jeans and a thick oversized jacket in case you got cold during the night. Changbin soon picked you up at your apartment with his black mustang, bringing you to the billiard place downtown. You were quite surprised with how easy your conversation turned out with him in the car. He was quite bubbly himself so it wasn’t difficult for him to start the conversation every time. And so far, you feel pretty comfortable with him.

Once you arrived at the location, the place was dimly lit to give off a relaxing vibe to the venue. There were many pool tables occupied so there were a few empty ones near the back. Changbin and you went to book a table for yourselves, only to get the last table at the very last corner of the room.

The other tables near you were empty so essentially, you had the space to yourselves. Changbin took the cue sticks for you and him while you carried the tray of billiard balls.

“Just so you know, I have no idea how to play this.” You said as a disclaimer, only for him to chuckle.

“It’s fine. I can teach you.” He said casually, making you smile.

After you had both settled down your things on the table, he began to prepare the balls into the triangle and soon called a start. He was the first to break it up. Right after that, he walks over to you and asks which colour you wanted to aim for, solids or stripes. You glanced around the table top to see which one was the easiest target and soon chose the stripes. He led you over to where the ball you were aiming for and began to guide you on where to stand, how to hold the cue, et cetera et cetera.

Apparently, you were holding it wrong and had completely no idea what to do so Changbin came over to stand behind you while he reached over to position your hand properly. His left hand was guiding your hand while the other hovered over your waist, knowing not to touch you without your permission.

So when you could feel his awkward hand beside your waist, you glanced down at it and laughed slightly before you turned to him and said, “Isn’t your hand tired from being in the air for that long?”

Changbin glanced over to your waist, only to laugh a little as he got shy.

“Sorry, I just… I don’t know where to put my hand.”

“Just hold my waist if you want. It’s fine.” You smiled at him, earning a little giggle from him.

“O-Okay.” He replied shyly before gently putting his hand on your waist. He resumed teaching you and once you got the shot, both of you cheered excitedly. The game continued with laughter and occasional lessons along the way but so far, you were enjoying it. After you were done playing, he offered to pay for the game so you told him you’d pay for the food afterwards and he said okay.

You were walking back to his car when you didn’t realise there was someone walking ahead of you. It wasn’t until the sudden crash against your shoulder made you turn around. A young guy locks eyes with you from under the brim of his baseball cap, black mask covering his nose and mouth.

“Sorry.” He said softly to which you simply smiled and shook your head.

“It’s okay.” You said as he then walked away. For some reason, your heart was starting to palpitate in your chest.

Soon after, Changbin drove you to a pretty cafe a few blocks down from where you were, only to gush over the cute decorations outside the cafe. It was decorated with pretty fairy lights and small strings of roses attached to it. So minimal yet so pretty at the same time. Both of you went inside to get your food first before sitting outside.

The night was young, people were seen walking about the streets in all ages. You were chatting about your hobbies and what you do when you’re bored. You realize that he is a gym-addict and that he does dance occasionally and rap most days when he feels like recording a song. He is multi-talented and yet, his hard work is not published anywhere. Nevertheless, you found him charming and an absolute sweetheart.

You just… don’t have any special feelings towards him. So when you were ready to call it a night, he sent you home all the way to your doorstep.

“If it’s not too much to ask, is it okay if we do this again? It doesn’t have to be a date if you don’t want it to. I just… kinda like spending time with you.”

“Of course. I’d love to. Anyways, I should go in. It’s getting pretty late… Drive safely. Goodnight Changbin.” You smiled, before entering your apartment once he said goodnight.

Looks like you’ve gained a new friend.

It was a bright Wednesday afternoon. You were seated at one of the wooden tables at the rooftop garden of the engineering building, waiting for the boys to finish their lecture. You had your headphones on so the world around you was just a blur to you. Mind focused on your assignment, you didn’t even realise the two individuals that had just entered the rooftop until one of them slams both hands on the table top to scare you. As expected, you didn’t flinch.

“Boohoo… You’re no fun.” Jisung pouts as he takes a seat opposite from you while Hyunjin slides into the bench beside you.

“What are you doing?” The long haired blondie asks.

“A research on Thomas Edison. I mean, come on. That man might have invented the light bulb, telephone and motion picture camera, sure. But did he figure out how many times the earth orbits around the sun? I’m pretty sure that’s more fascinating than inventing a device that most people would have come up with eventually.” You didn’t realise you were ranting until you finished talking, earning a soft scoff from Hyunjin.

“Relax, Miss Know-It-All… What’s with the ‘tude? It was just a simple question. Geez…” Hyunjin said as he flips his hair sassily before taking out his phone to text someone.

“Sorry… I’m just a little stressed from this stupid thing, I kinda need a break from it.” You sighed heavily with your head against the table. Jisung cooed softly as he suddenly clapped his hand together and suggested hanging out at the empty music room that nobody seems to use anymore.

“I don’t know, Ji… You tend to overlook some important details sometimes…” You said while packing your stuff, only for the male to huff at you.

“Trust me. I’ve done my research this time. It’s safe. Besides, if anything happens, you have two hot guys to protect you.” Jisung smirks at you cheekily, earning a roll of your eyes.

“More like two cowards.” You said quietly but still loud enough for them to hear, only for you to giggle right after. All three of you finally made it back to the ground floor and were soon walking towards the music production building on the other side of campus. Jisung was standing in the middle of you and Hyunjin. As usual, he was being chatty and bright like how he always was. You were just listening to the chatterbox called Han Jisung when you naturally looked forward to see where you were walking.

Almost instantly, you caught sight of two males walking in your direction, parallel to you.

One had striking neon blue hair while the other had bright purple hair. The purple haired one would be right next to you once you crossed paths with them too. You kept your eyes on them as they got closer and closer until they were about 3 feet away. As if on cue, the purple haired individual just happened to turn his head towards you, causing you to lock eyes with him.

Suddenly, a weird feeling washes over you while you felt as though your heartstrings were being tugged. It was as if there was an invisible thread being pulled.

The minute he had walked completely past you, a small sense of longing lingers in your veins. You frowned as you glanced over your shoulder to find that the two males were casually talking to one another like nothing happened.

You were confused. Yet, there was nothing to say or do so you turned back in front with the thought plastered onto the back of your mind. A few seconds later, the feeling of longing and heartstrings being tugged, suddenly evaporates. Almost as if it never existed.

What’s going on?

Who were those guys?

Why did you feel like you knew the purple haired one?

Days passed since you first saw the colourful haired duo on campus. And it was pretty noticeable that you’ve been seeing them more often than not now. Even if they were on the other side of campus, you’d still spot them thanks to their brightly coloured hairs. You aren’t even sure if that’s a pro or a con at this point. What’s pretty sure though is that whenever the purple haired one is anywhere close to your range, you would casually lock eyes with him and that feeling you encountered the first time you saw them would come back again.

You still have no idea why but you weren’t one to dwell on it for too long. So after he leaves your radius, you’d either forget about it or you would just pretend like maybe it was pure coincidence and that you didn’t in fact know this guy because if you did, you would’ve recognized him… Right?

And yet for some reason, the one with purple hair seemed to linger in your thoughts more often than you wanted him to.

It has been 8 weeks now and today is a bright Tuesday afternoon. You just remembered you have a Netball tournament this evening in the indoor sports hall. They promised to come down and support you, despite knowing they’ve never missed a single game of your to begin with. All three of you were currently seated in one of the wooden tables right outside the main campus building, just hanging out there while waiting for your break time to pass before you had to go for your respective lectures.

“Omg, you know what? We should really check out that new club downtown this weekend! I heard they sell some amazing booze there.” Hyunjin suggested with a cheeky smirk on his face, one that leaves you rolling your eyes at him and Jisung to fake a gag.

“Sure, let’s see who drops dead drunk in less than 5 drinks first.” Jisung said, giving you a silent high five while Hyunjin straightened his back to retaliate.

“In my defence, I was already pre-drunk with beer the other night. That doesn’t count.”

“Yeah… Sure. You can’t even walk straight after a bottle of soju.”

“Shut up Han.” Hyunjin scoffed as he slapped a packet of wet tissue to Jisung’s face, causing the latter to dramatically stumble backwards. You were quietly watching the two children banter back and forth while your curious eyes began to wander around the campus ground. It wasn’t until two very bright, very prominent blobs of hairs were seen crossing the parking lot from the music production building to the main building, caught your eye.

You had to mentally rip your gaze off them by turning to Hyunjin who was sitting next to you to avoid looking like a creep. About 3 seconds later give or take, you casually turned to pretend like you’re looking around again and that’s when you almost panicked.

When did they get so close?

The purple haired one locked eyes with you as they were just 6 or 7 metres away from your table. Before it got any more awkward, you quickly turned away in hopes that he didn’t think you’re a creepy stalker of some sort because that is the last thing you’d wanna be labelled as. With that being said, the three of you left the table about 10 minutes later to head to your respective classes. You were just listening to Jisung rant about his crush’s kissable lips when you noticed your bracelet was missing.

That was your birthday present from your foster mother a few years ago and you’ve been wearing it ever since. So to know that you’ve lost it, really wouldn’t sit right with you.

“Shit! My bracelet! Where is it? Oh shit, she’s gonna kill me!” You panicked as the two boys couldn’t help but mimic you.

“How could you not feel it dropping from your wrist?” Hyunjin asked while staring at the ground and taking a few steps back to try and retrace your steps.

“Because I was too busy listening to you two idiots trying to differentiate between lipstick and lip gloss, for god’s sake.” You said only to glance at the time and realize that you were almost late for your lecture. They told you to go to class while they try to find the bracelet for you. With a heavy heart, you ran off to your next lecture, leaving it all in the hands of dumb and dumber whom you call best friends.

Hours later, you were in the hall where your tournament would be taking place. Hyunjin and Jisung already tried to find your bracelet but to no avail. You were devastated but what’s done is done. Maybe someone took it. Maybe someone used it. Maybe someone even threw it away. Only God knows. However, that’s not your main concern right now. The golden trophy is waiting for you tonight and you’re determined to bring that trophy home for the team and that’s exactly what you’re gonna do.

You were just stretching by the bench, facing the crowded bleachers where students from Hankuk U came to support you girls. Of course, Hyunjin and Jisung were amongst the crowd. In fact, you saw them earlier and even gave them a wave to acknowledge their presence.

As much as you’re upset about the bracelet, you promised yourself you shouldn’t let it affect your performance today during the game. It was hard, but you can do it.

The game was about to start in just 5 minutes. Your coach had already briefed your team about the rules and regulations, standard procedure, techniques to use, etc. you were just cracking your knuckles when your eyes naturally found its way to a few rows above Hyunjin and Jisung, only to find the coloured hair duo just calmly seated there. What made you not notice them at first was the fact that the purple haired one was wearing a baseball cap while the blue haired one was wearing his cap backwards.

This essentially hides their coloured hair so you didn’t quite spot them first straight away. Nevertheless, you locked eyes with the purple haired one and suddenly, the feeling of your heartstrings being tugged was present. You had to look away to make the feeling stop but it left a lingering tug in your chest. You were distracted for a second but was quickly brought back to attention the minute the whistle was blown.

Immediately, you went into alert mode as your game attitude comes on. The game was intense as you tried your very best to guide your team. You did a pretty good job until the end, claiming the victory title for Hankuk University. After everything was done, you were just gulping down your bottle of water when Hyunjin and Jisung suddenly ran to you and lifted you up on Hyunjin’s shoulders. A scream left your lips as you gripped his hair for balance.

You yelled at him to put you down and once he did, you slapped his chest a few times for nearly giving you a heart attack. They both broke into hysterical laughter as you shoved them away and told them to just go home and not wait for you.

The boys apologized after they'd stopped laughing and soon told you to have a safe journey home before bidding you goodnight. You didn’t leave the hall without taking a quick shower like you always do after every practice. About half an hour later, you’ve already changed into your earlier outfit you wore to classes which were ripped skinny jeans, a fitted tank top, an oversized jacket and a pair of jordans.

Once everyone was done, you all started walking to the entrance to head home. You were just walking ahead slightly from everyone else when you saw a familiar figure leaning against one of the pillars outside. The closer you get, the clearer it is for you to recognize them. A few more steps and you were finally just 6 metres away from him when he pushed himself off the pillar and turned to face you.

“Hey? Um… A-Are you looking for someone?” You asked, hoping he was there for you and not anyone else.

“Actually, I was looking for you.” The purple haired male said with the most gentle smile on his face. His lips curled upwards, reminding you of a bunny. An odd sound leaves you unconsciously while your head tilts in confusion naturally. He couldn’t help but chuckle upon seeing your reaction before he continued from where he left off.

“I wanted to congratulate you on winning 1st place today… And also to return this…” He said as he reached into his front pocket and soon took out your bracelet which you lost a few hours ago.

This made you gasp softly whilst staring at the item in his hand in disbelief.

“How did you-”

“I was sitting at one of the tables when your bracelet fell. I was gonna return it to you but you were gone. I didn’t know how else to contact you until I saw a poster on the notice boards all over campus about the tournament today so I decided to meet you here instead. I hope this doesn’t come off as creepy or anything.” He explained to you in detail, making you shake your head eagerly.

“No! Absolutely not! You have no idea how devastated I was when I realized it was missing… Thank you so much…” You said as he gave you a smile. Both of you were silent as neither of you clearly knew how to keep a good conversation going. Nevertheless, you broke the ice after not wanting him to leave just yet.

“I don’t think I’ve seen you before on campus… Not until recently at least. Are you new here?”

“Yeah. Me and my friend just moved to this city two months ago.”

“Where were you guys from?”

He looked like he was hesitating a bit but was quick to compose himself.

“Far from here actually…” He chuckled and for some reason, you didn’t feel the need to interrogate more.

“Well, I hope you guys will have good memories here so you don’t have to move again.” It went silent for a few beats before you asked, “Pardon my rudeness… My name’s Y/N. What about you?”

“Just call me Jungkook.” He smiled.

“It’s nice talking to you Jungkook, and… thank you again for my bracelet.” You said, to which he brushed you off.

“Anytime… Hey, uh… do you have a ride home?” He asked in the most gentle tone possible.

“Yeah. I drive to school everyday. It’s okay.”

“Alright then. Drive safe. I’ll see you around.” He smiled again, making you do the same. He then walks off with his hands in his pockets and he couldn’t look any hotter than that. The entire drive home, you couldn’t stop thinking about him. How his smile could melt your heart in a flash, how your heartstrings tug whenever you lock eyes with him, how he makes you feel like you’ve known him for years, how he makes you feel comfortable, etc.

You just wished you'd known him sooner.

“Y/N, sweetie! Don’t go too near the lake!” Your foster mother said as she walked side by side with your foster father. Your 5 year old self was running around the park, trying to diligently catch the beautiful sky blue coloured butterfly. You ignored their calls of asking you to be careful because of course, kids will never listen. You got further and further away from your elders as you were so close to catching the butterfly when all of a sudden, your feet missed a step on the wooden bridge.

Within a split second, you plunged into the lake before your elders could chase after you. Water flushed down your nose and mouth, accidentally swallowing it in huge gulps while you were desperately crying for help. Since you were just a 5 year old kid, you didn’t know how to swim nor were you taught not to open your mouth and breathe underwater.

You were growing unconscious due to the large amount of water that had already started to fill your lungs. You were ready to just accept your fate that you were going to die right then and there. Except, luck has a different plan for you. Just when you were on the brink of completely drowning, a sudden new figure dives into the lake and swoops you into their arms before bringing you back up easily. Once you were on land, they began to do CPR on you until you finally managed to cough out a huge amount of water that had gotten into your lungs.

After you have recovered slightly, the voice of the person who had just saved your life, rings in your head like a lingering memory.

“Are you okay?”

It was a man. You glanced up and saw what looked to be a figure of a man looming over you. Though his overall appearance and face was somewhat a terrible blur, there was one thing you could easily make out. And that was the silver pendant necklace hanging around his neck. You couldn’t really see it that clearly but it was an oval shaped pendant, similar to the ones where you can open and close it.

This was new to your dream. All these while, you’ve always seen a shadowy figure, with unclear images of your dream. This time, things were slowly beginning to become clear.

Maybe this is a memory.

A recurring memory that your brain is trying so hard to remember every piece of detail that was left untouched at the very bottom part of your brain.

So you knew, this wasn’t just any ordinary dream.

And then you awoke.

It was a Friday afternoon, your two best friends wanted to go to the club that night for some drinks and just lay off some steam. You, of course, could never get away with whatever plan they had so you had no other choice but to go. You were all gathered to do your assignments at one of the tables where the study building was. Suddenly, a thought came to mind and you just couldn’t get your mind off it.

“Hey, do you remember the dream I keep having? The one where I fell into the lake?” You ask as Jisung stopped chewing his sushi while Hyunjin stops typing and slowly glances up from the top of his laptop screen.

“Yeah? What about it?” Jisung asked curiously before looking at Hyunjin to see if he knew something.

“You know how it always stops abruptly after the voice asks me if I’m okay and I see a shadow figure standing there?” You explained, earning nods from the two children.

“Well… It’s not really… a shadow figure anymore…”

“What do you mean?” Hyunjin asked, his laptop long closed to pay full attention to your story.

“I saw… a male figure. Everything about him was blurry but I could see that it’s a man. And… he had this silver pendant necklace around his neck. Those where you can open and close.”

“You mean the ones where our grandmothers would put a picture of us in it?” Jisung asked.

“Yes. That kind.” You said.

“Hmm, do you recognize it?” Hyunjin asked, earning a firm shake of your head. “How did you feel when you saw him?” Hyunjin asked again. You couldn’t bring yourself to answer right away as your mind began to recollect the feeling you had when you saw that part of the dream.

“I… felt safe.”

“Well, that’s a good start, right? I mean, if you feel scared then it’s probably a nightmare.”

“But that’s the thing! I-I don’t think it’s a dream.”

“What do you mean? Of course it’s a dream. You were sleeping when that happened, weren’t you?” Hyunjin asked with a confused tone in his voice.

“I mean yeah, technically but… I think that actually happened to me when I was young. If not, why else would I keep having the same dream over and over again?”

“You’ve got a point.” Jisung shrugs while Hyunjin still tries to process this. He brings both hands up in front of him after waving it in a circle, closes his eyes to let the information sink in before he speaks up.

“So… you’re telling me… that the universe is somehow trying to make you recall this memory of yours through a dream?”

“It’s possible isn't it?” You asked.

“Okay? And then what? You’re gonna go to the place where you almost died and somehow meet up with the person who helped you?”

“No? Yes? I don’t know! Look… I think I’ll just ask my parents about it and see if they remember anything about it. I mean… there must be something they can tell me?”

“Good luck babe. You’re gonna need it.” Jisung said, making you sigh.

That evening, you were having early dinner with your elders in the small living room of their one bedroom house. Everyone was quietly eating their food, she was peeling some roasted sweet potatoes while your he was just folding some banana leaves to sell tomorrow. You glanced over at them once or twice before taking a deep breath and dropped the bomb.

“Hey grandpa?” You call softly as the old man pauses his actions and turns to you with a smile on his adorable little face.

“Yes, darling?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Ask away…”

“When I was young… did I happen to… fall into a lake by any chance?” You asked as he frowned in thought. He couldn’t seem to remember anything of it until she spoke up.

“Oh dear, how could I not remember? You were so busy catching the butterflies that I couldn’t even stop you in time.” She giggled as you couldn’t help but smile. “But then this brave young man jumped into the water without a shadow of a doubt. We thanked him for his gratitude and tried to offer him a lunch treat but he rejected us so nicely… I wonder where he is now…” She continued, making you frown.

“Do you guys remember what he looked like?” You asked.

“I’m so sorry dear, I can barely remember anyone I met.” He said to which you let out a soft sigh. Just then, her eyes lit up only for her to raise her finger up in thought.

“Oh, the only thing I could remember was his name… If I’m not mistaken, I think he said his name to be JK like the letters… Yes, yes… That’s it.”

With that being said, you tilt your head to the side in confusion before you stare into the bowl of potatoes, “J… K?” The name sounded like there was a hint of familiarity in it but you can’t seem to point your fingers at where it’s focusing. Nevertheless, you took your attention off that topic and chose to think of what to wear for later instead.

A few hours had passed and you were finally waiting outside the club with Hyunjin and Jisung. The security checked all of your ID’s before letting you in. Hyunjin locked fingers with you just so that you wouldn’t be lost or separated from them as Jisung stayed close behind you. Once Hyunjin has managed to navigate his way around the place and finally save a booth for the 3 of you, he lets go of your hand and allows you to sit in the middle. Jisung went to the bar to order drinks for you all while you stayed with Hyunjin.

Not long after, Jisung came back with a tray of 2 shot glasses, a bottle of tequila, along with a small plate of lime slices and a glass of mocktail for you. The club was pretty much alive with the endless amount of young adults enjoying their drinks and dancing freely to the music.

You had just finished talking to Jisung about the hot girl dancing on the dancefloor when Hyunjin tapped your thigh and soon said aloud in your ear, “Don’t look now, but I think that dude is into you… 10 o’clock.” With that being said, you took a sip of your drink while you let your eyes wander over to where Hyunjin told you, only to find yourself locking eyes with a familiar pair of eyes. It was the purple haired guy from school. Jungkook was his name if you remember correctly.

“Jungkook…” His name rolled off your tongue naturally, sounding so right.

“You know him?!” Hyunjin asked, making you scoff.

“He returned my bracelet to me the other day after the tournament. He told me his name then.”

“And you didn’t tell us this, because…?” Jisung asked, sounding offended almost.

“Not everything in my life has to be told to either one of you.” With that being said, you stood up and soon made your way to Jungkook. Once you were behind him, you slipped into the empty space next to him, dropping an order to the bartender. Right after you were done, you glanced over to him who was just running his middle finger over the rim of his glass.

“Hey… Jungkook right?” You were the first to break the ice as he finally turned to you and smiled.

“Hey, yeah. Y/N, correct?”

“The one and only.” You giggled, earning a soft chuckle from him.

“Are those your friends?” He asked with a slight jerk of his head to the side, referring to the two boys in your booth. You hummed in response before asking if he was here alone or with his blue haired friend.

“Nah, he’s in here somewhere… I just told him I wanted to get a drink at the bar.” He explained, to which you frowned.

“Well, I’m pretty sure he’d be occupied by now.”

“Are you tryna say he’s hot?”

“Am I wrong?” You smiled, earning a chuckle from him.

“Absolutely not. Anyways, enough of him… Do you wanna dance with me?” He asked, turning his body to face you now on the stool. You glanced at the dancefloor, seeing the group of people dancing freely to the music like there’s no tomorrow. You knew you wanted to, especially since he was the one offering it so you easily accepted it. Jungkook got off the stool and held out his hand to you. Without having to think much, you gently place your hand in his as he leads you to the centre of the room.

Once you were with the crowd, he turned around to face you. You comfortably placed your hands around his neck, swaying your hips to the rhythm. Both of you were moving your bodies in sync to one another despite everyone else stumbling and crashing into you. At one point, he twirled you around but you lost your footing. Hence, crashing into him.

You started to burst out laughing and he did too when he realized you weren’t injured. You didn’t notice his hands on your waist until he gently squeezed it to gain your attention. That’s when you glanced up to meet his eyes, your laughter died down as your heart began to beat rapidly in your chest. Heartstrings started to tug everytime he looked at you and it’s unhealthy. For your heart at least despite loving it.

“Are you okay?” He asked softly, his face was just inches away from yours. Suddenly, a part of your dream flashed through your mind upon hearing his question. You frowned a little from the abrupt thought. However, before you could reply to him, a frantic voice to your left made you jump only to meet Jisung’s heavy frown.

“Y/N! You have to help me! Hyunjin got into a fight!” With that, you basically tear yourself out of Jungkook and rush over with Jisung to where the fight was happening. Hyunjin was in a fist fight with two guys who were not much taller than him but were definitely bulkier than he was. You yelled for them to stop but they of course couldn’t hear you. Jisung went in to help Hyunjin but he got punched in the jaw.

“Stop it! Please! Hyunjin stop!” You yelled as he fell in front of you. His lip was busted, his cheek was bruised and his knuckles were bleeding from having a cut. You kneeled down beside your friend as you watched the guy charging over to you and Hyunjin.

So you got up and pushed the guy away with whatever strength you had. But instead, you got slapped across the cheek.

You collapsed to the ground with a hand to your face. Everything happened so quickly because right before the guy could throw a punch to Hyunjin, Jungkook swooped in from the side and landed a hard punch to the guy’s jaw making him fall to the ground with a harsh thud.

“Enough! Get lost before I call security.” Jungkook warned as you watched the two guys who were in the fight with Hyunjin began to scramble away. You crawled over to Hyunjin who was holding his jaw with a hiss. You cupped his face worriedly while you scolded him.

“What were you thinking?! You could have gotten even more hurt…” You frowned, only for Jisung to come over. That’s when you cupped Jisung’s bruised face as well.

Just then, Jungkook kneeled down asking for all of you to leave before the security came. Soon enough, Jungkook’s blue haired friend appears as well and the five of you leave the club through the back door. Once you were in the back alley, Hyunjin used Jisung as support while you held onto his waist and allowed him to sling an arm over your shoulder.

“Come on, our apartment isn't too far from here. We’ll need to get those cuts treated.” Jungkook said, only for Jungkook’s friend to come and ask for you to switch with him. You asked for his name, in which he told you it was Taehyung, so you thanked him afterwards. While they were walking ahead of you, Jungkook stayed next to you as he took off his coat and placed it over your shoulders. Eventually drowning you in his big coat. He chuckled at your ridiculously swallowed body, only for him to speak up.

“You were really trying to be a hero back there, huh?” You glanced up to him, seeing the small smirk on his face but it didn’t annoy you at all.

“He was going to hurt my friend. I can’t just sit there and do nothing...” You pouted slightly, to which his smirk melted and he sighed.

“No matter how dangerous it may be?” He asked as you frowned upon him. Nevertheless, you gave him a firm nod which left him to sigh. Silence falls upon you two, your gaze settles on the three boys walking ahead of you. Just then, Jungkook’s voice is gentle and soft, as if he didn’t want the rest to hear him.

“I’m sorry I didn’t help you sooner… If I did, you probably wouldn’t get hurt…”

“No… No it’s okay… it’s not your fault.” You said softly, making him shake his head. He feels responsible for not jumping in to help Hyunjin when Jisung came to warn you earlier. He felt like he could’ve done better and for that, he couldn’t forgive himself. So when you noticed how quiet he got, you carefully reached for his hand that was just beside yours and soon locked fingers with him to give him some kind of support. And maybe more than that too but he doesn’t have to know.

He glanced down at your linked hands, only for him to lock eyes with you again and this time, a small smile grew back on his face. You gave his hand a little squeeze for reassurance and was about to let go, thinking he might feel that it’s weird considering you barely know him. However, he held your hand tighter and said, “Keep it there. At least until we’re back at my place.” With that being said, you nodded as a blush creeps up on your face.

Once you arrived at Jungkook and Taehyung’s shared apartment, Taehyung tended to Hyunjin while Jungkook tended to Jisung. You were just walking around the living room when you saw a necklace on the table top. It was a silver chain necklace with a round pendant on it. What was even more intriguing is the fact that it looked so familiar to you and it was one of those pendants where you could open and close.

The question is, why did it look so familiar?

Just when you were about to open it, Jisung’s voice called for you as he reappeared into the living room while Hyunjin was still in the bathroom with Taehyung.

“Y/N, hyung asked me to call you over. He’s in his room, the last door on the right.” You gave Jisung a nod as you placed the necklace down and went to the said room. When you arrived, you gave the door a few soft knocks before Jungkook looked up and smiled at you. He told you to sit down on his bed next to him.

“Are you okay? Does it still hurt?” Jungkook asked and there it is again, a weird tug to your heartstrings made your breath hitch. Jungkook stared at you quietly before he asked if there’s something wrong. When you denied it, he went ahead and took a cool pack as he then pressed it against your cheek where you got slapped. You couldn’t seem to bring the words out so you opted to just put your hand over his that was holding the ice pack to make him look at you.

“This is random… but have… have we met before? Like before all this… Before university. I don’t know why but I feel like- like I’ve met you before. I keep getting this same feeling everytime I’m near you.” You said as he stared at you deeply without faltering.

It was nearly impossible to read his expression and thoughts but a part of you was telling you that he’s hiding something from you.

“Maybe we’ve bumped into each other before on the street or something.” Jungkook said as a small smile creeps onto his face. A genuine one at that. So without prying further, you nodded and gave him a soft smile. You thanked him for helping your friends as you excused yourself to let him and Taehyung rest. Jungkook offered to send all three of you home but you refused his kindness politely, opting for a cab instead so as to not trouble him any more than you already had.

“Are you sure? It’s really late out and I don’t mind driving you and your friends back.” He said as you both stopped at the foot of the hallway only to find Hyunjin semi-passed out on the couch after swallowing two aspirins you assume. Jisung was talking to Taehyung, well, more like ranting to the blue haired male about what went down at the club earlier.

With that, you turned to Jungkook and gently reached for his arm, holding it to give him some reassurance, “We’ll be fine. I promise.” You smiled as his eyebrows began to connect in the middle.

You let go of his arm, walking over to Jisung and Taehyung to retrieve your drunk friend.

“Thanks Taehyung. So sorry to disturb your night.” You apologized as Taehyung simply shook his head and told you that it was okay. Once you’ve gotten the green light, you snapped your fingers at Jisung and soon pointed to Hyunjin’s distraught figure.

“You take right, I’ll take left.” You said to him as he nodded. Hyunjin began to stir awake slightly but was still groggy and drunk. You struggled to get his arm over your head so Taehyung helped you with that. After you were ready to leave, Jisung and you began to walk towards the door where Jungkook was patiently waiting. Hyunjin tiredly opened one of his eyelids and was starting to slur over his words.

“Where am I? What are you doing? Where are you taking me, you kidnapper!” You slapped his chest quite harshly before earning a loud groan from him.

“We’re at someone’s house because your stupid drunk ass just had to get into a fight with two bigger dudes. You should be ashamed of yourself, you dimwit.” Hyunjin lets out a weird sound as he leans himself more towards you.

“H-Hyun… H-Hyunjin! Hwang Hyunjin!” You yelled as you were about to fall and get squished by him when a firm arm wrapped around your waist while the other hand was pressed firmly against Hyunjin’s rib to support his heavy weight. In addition, your side crashes against someone’s chest. You glanced up to find Jungkook’s chin directly above your line of sight. Jungkook pushed Hyunjin’s body slightly to stabilize the said man as you managed to stand up straight again.

Except, his arm was still around your waist. Almost as if he didn’t wanna let go of you. Not that you were complaining anyway. However, when he noticed this, he slowly retracted his arm from your waist and apologized to you. You shook your head, to tell him that it’s okay. After you left, Jungkook closed the door behind him only for Taehyung to smile at him.

“Ready to admit yet?” Taehyung asked simply, earning a thick eye roll from Jungkook who began to walk over to his couch.

“Shut up, hyung.”

“What? It’s just me…”

“You’re not seeing my vulnerable side. Uh uh. No way.” Jungkook shook his head diligently, causing Taehyung to laugh as Jungkook continued, “Besides, they’re gonna kill me if they find out.” With that being said, Taehyung sighs at the younger male. Knowing that he had a point.

“No they won’t. I won’t let them.”

“How? Stopping them is nearly impossible, you know that.” Jungkook said firmly.

After a few seconds of silence, Jungkook finally took a deep breath and said, “Whatever. I don’t care.” Jungkook was about to leave the room when Taehyung’s words lingered in his memory like a broken record player.

“You and I both know that’s a lie.”

“Grandma! Grandpa! We’re here!” Your 5 year old self exclaims the minute the cab driver brings the vehicle to a stop right at the entrance of the park. You hurriedly got out of the cab whilst your foster father was busy paying the driver for the fare. You run to the end of the footpath as it separates into two directions, leading you to different parts of the park.

“Grandma! Hurry! I want to see the swans!” You yelled excitedly as the elderly couple began to walk slowly towards you. Since they were just a few metres away from you, it was the perfect chance for you to run off towards the path on the left where the lake would be. Occasionally taking breaks while waiting for your foster parents to catch up with you. People around you give you smiles whenever you pass by them and say hello.

You were walking down the footpath, trying to find a pair of swans when a beautiful sky blue coloured butterfly suddenly hovered in front of your face. You flinched back in surprise as it landed on the tip of your small nose. A soft giggle left your lips as you reached up to touch its wings when it began to flutter away. Being the child you are, you started to trail after it.

The butterfly flaps its wings delicately across the park, freely and happily while you try to not lose sight of it. Unfortunately, your carelessness has brought you closer to danger than you would’ve thought at the time.

“Y/N, sweetie! Don’t go too near the lake!” Your foster mother said as she walked side by side with your foster father. Your 5 year old self was running down the footpath, trying to diligently catch the beautiful sky blue coloured butterfly. You ignored their calls of asking you to be careful because of course, kids will never listen. You got further and further away from your elders as you were so close to catching the butterfly when all of a sudden, your feet missed a step on the wooden bridge.

Within a split second, you plunged into the lake before your elders could chase after you. Water flushed down your nose and mouth, accidentally swallowing it in huge gulps while you were desperately crying for help. Since you were just a 5 year old kid, you didn’t know how to swim nor were you taught not to open your mouth and breathe underwater.

You were growing unconscious due to the large amount of water that had already started to fill your lungs. You were ready to just accept your fate that you were going to die right then and there. Except, luck has a different plan for you. Just when you were on the brink of completely drowning, a sudden new figure dives into the lake and swoops you into their arms before bringing you back up easily. Once you were on land, they began to do CPR on you until you finally managed to cough out a huge amount of water that had gotten into your lungs.

After you have recovered slightly, the voice of the person who had just saved your life, rings in your head like a lingering memory.

“Are you okay?”

It was a man. You glanced up and saw what looked to be a figure of a man looming over you. Though his overall appearance and face was somewhat a terrible blur, there was one thing you could easily make out. And that was the silver pendant necklace hanging around his neck. You couldn’t really see it that clearly but it was an oval shaped pendant, similar to the ones where you can open and close it.

“Y-Yes… T-Thank you, M-Mister…” You stumbled over your words as you saw your elders rushing over to you. That’s when the man said something that wasn’t quite understandable to you.

“I promise to keep you safe from any harm.” He said over a whisper but you heard him.

This was new to your dream. All these while, you’ve always seen a shadowy figure, unclear images of your dream, missing details, unknown situation. This time, things were slowly beginning to become clear with more details given to you in the form of this dream.

At this point, you were confident that this is in fact, a memory.

A recurring memory that your brain is trying so hard to remember every piece of detail that was left untouched at the very bottom part of your brain.

You just have to let time do the magic and fill you in with what’s left of the missing dream.

And then you awoke.

Days passed gradually as both Taehyung and Jungkook started to become friends with you, Hyunjin and Jisung. Well, they were dragged by Jisung at least. That one just doesn’t know how to stop his bargains until he gets what he wants. So eventually, both the coloured hair friends decided to just accept the welcome to be part of the friend circle. Later on in the weeks, you began to have growing feelings for Jungkook. The butterflies in your stomach and tugging heartstring were still present whenever he was near but you’ve grown accustomed to it.

It was a nice, warm Friday afternoon. Taehyung and Jungkook were nowhere to be seen while Hyunjin and Jisung were seated at the wooden table with you near the garden. Your mind was somewhere else and the boys noticed this. It was easy to know that because your fingers were hovering over your keyboard but nothing was being typed and it’s been a good 10 minutes of you just staring at the pond. Just then, Hyunjin’s voice broke your train of thoughts.

“A penny for your thoughts?” He asked, to which you turned to him with a confused face.

“Huh?”

“You look like you’re grieving over there. What’s wrong?” Jisung was the one to ask this as silence falls over you for the next 5 seconds, give or take.

“Something… new appeared in my dreams. It doesn’t just start with my mom telling me to avoid the lake anymore.” You began to explain as both boys soon stopped whatever they were previously doing, just to listen and pay full attention to you.

“Then what does it start with now?” Hyunjin asks curiously as he and Jisung exchange looks before turning back to you.

“Me in the cab with my parents and getting excited once we arrived at the park… But that’s not the only change in my dream that’s new. The dream doesn’t just stop at the part where he asks if I’m okay… This time, the last thing he said to me was…” You paused for a second to try and remember the exact words. Once you got it on the tip of your tongue, you brought your gaze back up to meet theirs and told them what you remembered.

“I promise to keep you safe from any harm. And then I woke up.”

The two boys were shocked at how much details your dream was showing now but they just can’t decipher why these changes were happening so suddenly. What caused your dreams to be more clearer as if it wants you to slowly remember that day, that incident, that specific person.

None of it was making sense to them.

“I just… I don’t understand. Like, why now? Why after all these years, only now your conscience is showing you all this. Why didn’t it show you from the start? What is it hiding? I don’t get it.” Jisung said as he dramatically pulled at his hair.

You couldn’t help but giggle at his figure before speaking up, “It’s my dream but why are you the one stressed?”

“Aren’t you?! I mean come on. You’ve been having this dream for years, aren’t you even a tad bit curious as to why this is happening to you?” Jisung asked with his eyes wide open. He has a point.

“Maybe the universe just wants me to remember that tragic incident for the rest of my life.”

“Or it wants you to find the hidden clues in your dreams that might lead you to something big.” Hyunjin shrugged his shoulders at you, earning a shake of your head.

“What could possibly be bigger than my near-death experience?”

“I don’t know? Meeting your savior and thanking him for saving you that day?” Jisung said with his arms bent on either side as his palms faced upwards.

“That’s ridiculous. I don’t even know what he looks like. Besides, if he really was in his early 20s when that incident happened, he would be like what? Early 40s now? He probably doesn’t even remember me.”

“Fate works in mysterious ways.” Jisung smirks at you, earning a ball of tissue thrown to his face.

You thought his theory was a whole load of nonsense because theoretically, your savior would be in his 40s by now and it’s nearly impossible for him to remember who you are. It wouldn’t make sense. However, in other circumstances, the universe has different layers to it. So the chances of something out of the ordinary happening, would be a solid 1 out of 10 chance but it’s not completely impossible. It just depends on how you wanted to see it.

Your attention soon diverted past Jisung’s head only to see Taehyung and Jungkook walking over to your table so you warned the two, not to mention anything about your dream when they’re there. Nobody knows about your recurring dream except for Hyunjin and Jisung and you intend to keep it that way.

A few hours later, you were at the supermarket to get some groceries for the house when you stumbled upon Jungkook who was searching through the shelves for something so you spoke up first, “Jungkook? Hey. What are you doing here? I thought your apartment was like 20 minutes away from here?” You asked him casually, earning a smirk from him.

“Ah shit. Looks like I’m busted…” Jungkook said, knowing he was just fooling around. He soon laughed as he continued from where he left off, “I’m just kidding. I needed some stuff that my nearest supermarket didn’t have so I drove over to this one.”

“Well, at least that's better than you stalking me right?”

“Why should I stalk you when I already have you at one phone call away?”

Smooth.

“Maybe you’re just clingy and want to see me.” You teased him to see what he says. You didn’t really know what to expect until he gave you his answer.

“And if that’s true?”

You were quiet as you didn’t think he would be that bold and straightforward. Sure he can be confident and maybe just slightly cocky sometimes but he was never over doing it when he’s with you. For that reason alone, you found that side of him charming.

“Then… you need to see a therapist.” You joked but he took it lightly. A small laugh leaves his lips while he grabs the can of sweetcorn from the shelf. At the end of your shopping spree, he offered to send you home after seeing the amount of bags you had to carry after you told him your car was recently sent to the workshop and wouldn't be repaired anytime soon. Of course you told him you could make it home on your own the first time because you didn’t wanna trouble him. And of course, he brushed you off by saying he wouldn’t be able to sleep if he knew he didn’t help you tonight.

With that being said, he drove you back to your home while he chatted with you comfortably about a series on netflix. Once he finally pulled up in front of your home, he glanced down to where your home was and soon turned to you with a smile.

“You didn’t tell me you lived in a cute little house.” He said effortlessly but it made you frown slightly.

“Well, to many, it's a ‘tiny shack’.”

“Well, those people are assholes.” His words made you laugh softly. You knew he was trying to make you feel better about it so you secretly thanked him for that. Both of you fell silent for a few seconds before he turned off his ignition completely and clapped his hands together once to liven up the mood.

“Come on! I’ll help you carry the groceries!” He left the vehicle before you could stop him, finding it cute that he was eager to help when he really didn’t have to. After he stubbornly carried three bags in each arm, you were left with none despite wanting to help him. You rolled your eyes at his persistence even though your smile never lies. Jungkook walks with you to your front door, only for you to unlock it and is soon greeted by your foster mother.

“Oh hello dear, I was just about to see if you were making your way home yet.” She said as her gaze soon fell onto the male beside you.

“Oh? And who are you, young man?” She asked with a fond smile on her face.

“I’m Jungkook, Ma’am.”

“You seem like a handsome young man, Jungkook. And well mannered too. I think you’d be a great partner for her.”

With that, you gasped softly and scolded her politely. Jungkook simply laughed as he brushed her off saying that it’s okay. Just as he was keeping the groceries with you in the correct places, your father walked out of his room and greeted Jungkook warmly. They talked for a bit while you kept the last bag of celery into the fridge when you overheard your father ask, “You should stay for dinner, Jungkook. My wife and I would love to get to know you more, especially if you are someone special in Y/N’s life.”

Jungkook was too kind to reject their offer so he ended up staying, just like they asked. Thankfully, your elders were mainly focusing on Jungkook rather than trying to convince him into dating you or anything like that. At the end of the dinner, he excused himself so as to not disturb your parent’s privacy. He bid them goodbye whilst you told them you wanted to walk him back to his car.

Once you made it to the top of the steps, you glanced back at the house and naturally, a smile grew on your face. He noticed this and he couldn’t help but ask, “You seem a little happy.”

You turned around to find him staring at you fondly with a smile.

“I just… can’t imagine my life without them.” You whispered sadly to yourself, suddenly a whole series of emotions just got washed over you. It took you a while to come back to your senses with the help of Jungkook. Who gently cups your face in his hands, caressing your cheeks lovingly while he does. Jungkook’s sparkly eyes bore into yours but the connection feels stronger than ever tonight. Your usual tugging of heartstrings and feeling of longing just felt stronger tonight. As he was holding you, a small part of you was yearning for him.

You felt a sense of safety and comfort with him but you don’t seem to understand why. Jungkook could read you like an open book, it was fascinating. Just then, he said something that made you genuinely shocked.

“Your foster parents are really nice. I should’ve thanked them for taking care of you well.” This made you pull away from him slightly in shock.

How did he know they’re not your grandparents?

“How did you know they’re not my grandparents?” You asked as Jungkook visibly froze.

“What do you mean?”

“You said ‘foster parents’ instead of ‘grandparents’...”

“Uh… You must’ve told me before that they’re not your grandparents.” He chuckled softly while rubbing the back of his neck. You weren’t fully convinced by his answer because if you had told him that, you would’ve remembered. However, you weren’t in the mood to question him further so you simply stood there in thought. Jungkook didn’t want you to occupy your mind with it, leading him to take a step closer to you until his forehead gently pressed against yours. Both of you stayed like that for a second or two before he leaned over to the side and kissed your cheek.

“Goodnight Y/N.” He said with a small smile on his face that you couldn’t help but mimic. The minute he drove off into the distance, the thought remained stuck in your mind as you found it difficult to move on from it. And yet for some reason, a part of you knew that he might be hiding something from you. You just don���t know what it is.

Even so, the feeling of his soft lips on your cheek, lingered in your head. Feeling giddy at the thought of him kissing you even if it wasn’t on the lips. You felt like a little girl having a crush on a boy all over again.

But that night, you had the same recurring dream again. Except, a new change happened this time as your dream was slowly becoming clearer.

“Grandma! Grandpa! We’re here!” Your 5 year old self exclaims the minute the cab driver brings the vehicle to a stop right at the entrance of the park. You hurriedly got out of the cab whilst your foster father was busy paying the driver for the fare. You run to the end of the footpath as it separates into two directions, leading you to different parts of the park.

“Grandma! Hurry! I want to see the swans!” You yelled excitedly as the elderly couple began to walk slowly towards you. Since they were just a few metres away from you, it was the perfect chance for you to run off towards the path on the left where the lake would be. Occasionally taking breaks while waiting for your foster parents to catch up with you. People around you give you smiles whenever you pass by them and say hello.

You were walking down the footpath, trying to find a pair of swans when a beautiful sky blue coloured butterfly suddenly hovered in front of your face. You flinched back in surprise as it landed on the tip of your small nose. A soft giggle left your lips as you reached up to touch its wings when it began to flutter away. Being the child you are, you started to trail after it.

The butterfly flaps its wings delicately across the park, freely and happily while you try to not lose sight of it. Unfortunately, your carelessness has brought you closer to danger than you would’ve thought at the time.

“Y/N, sweetie! Don’t go too near the lake!” Your foster mother said as she walked side by side with your foster father. Your 5 year old self was running down the footpath, trying to diligently catch the beautiful sky blue coloured butterfly. You ignored their calls of asking you to be careful because of course, kids will never listen. You got further and further away from your elders as you were so close to catching the butterfly when all of a sudden, your feet missed a step on the wooden bridge.

Within a split second, you plunged into the lake before your elders could chase after you. Water flushed down your nose and mouth, accidentally swallowing it in huge gulps while you were desperately crying for help. Since you were just a 5 year old kid, you didn’t know how to swim nor were you taught not to open your mouth and breathe underwater.

You were growing unconscious due to the large amount of water that had already started to fill your lungs. You were ready to just accept your fate that you were going to die right then and there. Except, luck has a different plan for you. Just when you were on the brink of completely drowning, a sudden new figure dives into the lake and swoops you into their arms before bringing you back up easily. Once you were on land, they began to do CPR on you until you finally managed to cough out a huge amount of water that had gotten into your lungs.

After you have recovered slightly, the voice of the person who had just saved your life, rings in your head like a lingering memory.

“Are you okay?”

It was a man. You glanced up and saw a young man probably in his mid 20s looming over you. His facial features were a blur but you could somehow see how defined and sharp everything was. The bridge of his nose, his beautiful doe round eyes, the silver hair falling down his forehead. Except, there was one thing you could easily make out. And that was the silver pendant necklace hanging around his neck. You couldn’t really see it that clearly but it was an oval shaped pendant, similar to the ones where you can open and close it.

“Y-Yes… T-Thank you, M-Mister…” You stumbled over your words as you saw your elders rushing over to you. That’s when the man said something that wasn’t quite understandable to you.

“I promise to keep you safe from any harm.” He said over a whisper but you heard him.

This was new to your dream. All these while, you’ve always seen a shadowy figure, unclear images of your dream, missing details, unknown situation. This time, things were slowly beginning to become clear with more details given to you in the form of this dream.

At this point, you were confident that this is in fact, a memory.

A recurring memory that your brain is trying so hard to remember every piece of detail that was left untouched at the very bottom part of your brain.

You just have to let time do the magic and fill you in with what’s left of the missing dream.

And then you awoke.

A few days later, you were going to your next class when Hyunjin told you he forgot something in the other lecture hall. Leaving just you and Jisung. Your mind was swirling around the latest dream you had where the image of your savior was starting to get clearer as the days went by. Jisung could easily sense your distraction because you had not paid attention to any of the things he just said. He got his answer when he snapped his fingers in front of your face and saw you flinch.

“Earth to Y/N? Are you okay? You’re barely listening to me…” He pouted at you sadly, making you sigh.

“Sorry Ji… I just have a lot on my mind.”

“Like what?”

You took in a deep breath and exhaled right before explaining to him what was bothering you, “You know how my dreams are starting to get clear?”

“Mhm?” He hummed in response to which you continued.

“I can almost make out what the person looks like now.”

“Wait! Wait… You mean… The person who saved you?”

“Yeah.”

“Really? That’s great! I mean… Isn’t it? Didn’t your dad tell you the guy’s name the other day? Maybe you can try and find him to say thank you.” Jisung laid out the options you could take but somehow, a part of you still wasn’t sure if this was enough for you to go find the person.

“Ji… How am I supposed to find him?” You asked desperately, thinking his suggestion was insane.

“We have advanced technology now! It’s not that hard.”

“I don’t know, Ji… I don’t think we can find him.”

“Y/N, don’t give up before you even start. We’ll find him together and I’ll be here with you, okay? So will Hyunjin once we tell him…” Jisung said with a bright grin, his full cheeks on display for you. Hours later, you were walking to the parking lot with Hyunjin and Jisung when you bumped into Jungkook and Taehyung coming from the music production block. They were busy talking to each other, not realising the three of you were right there until Hyunjin called their names. They finally turned towards the front only for you to lock eyes with Jungkook.

“Hey guys, wanna go check out that new horror movie?” Hyunjin asked, making them both shrug their shoulders.

“Sure. We’re not doing anything anyways tonight.” Taehyung answered for both himself and Jungkook.

“Great! Shall we meet at the mall?” Jisung asked as he turned to you knowing everyone had their rides except for you. However, before Jisung could offer you a ride, Jungkook had offered it first which you of course, couldn’t reject.

Once you had all separated to go to your respective vehicles, you followed Jungkook to his. You walked along the front of the parked cars with Jungkook behind you. Just then, right when you were about to take a step forward past a tall jeep, Jungkook harshly tugged your waist back. Exactly 1 second before the sports car speeds out of the parking lot right next to the jeep where it was hiding from plain sight. If he hadn’t pulled you back to safety, you would’ve been run over.

A heavy breath left your lips after you gasped in shock. Your heart was racing in your chest, unable to calm down after your second near death experience. Suddenly, you could feel his hands run up and down your arms in attempts to calm your tense muscles in which it worked.

“Are you okay?” He asked as you slowly nodded.

Jungkook whispered a soft ‘okay’ before he guided you to his car safely. As soon as he drove out of the school compound, you felt a huge relief knowing you didn’t die in your school’s parking lot. He must’ve noticed your trembling hands at some point too. Hence the reason why he reached over with his free hand to hold yours softly to give you comfort. When you looked down to find him doing that, you couldn’t help but glance up at him to see his gaze focused on the road ahead of him while he had one hand on the top of his steering wheel.

The ride to the mall was peacefully quiet, with his hand never leaving yours except when he had to park and change the gear stick to reverse. The minute he finally brought the car to a stationary position, you took this opportunity to thank him for helping you earlier.

“Thank you for saving me earlier… A-And for calming me down on our way here.” You said softly to which he smiled.

“Of course. I wouldn’t wanna lose you.” He said easily, making you blush.

“How did you know the car was driving out?” You asked him a bonus question that made him freeze for a split second.

“I saw the tail lights turn on, red light flashing onto the tree behind it.” Jungkook said, which was pretty logical if you think about it. You decided to let the topic slide as you met up with the rest at the entrance. Upon buying the movie tickets, you were all going to get snacks to sneak it into the theatres. After a few debates, you have all agreed to buy some seasoned fries and popcorn chicken bites from FiveGuys. While Hyunjin was queuing to buy the food, the four of you wandered around the same level to see if there’s anything else you could buy.

You were just looking at some stuffed toys through the glass windows of a shop when someone wrapped an arm around your waist comfortably.

“Planning to sneak one in or what?” Jungkook asked teasingly, to which you couldn’t help but giggle.

“And use it to shield my vision from the horror movie? Yeah, why not.” You said, feeling your heartstrings tug upon hearing his laugh. You stood up straight to walk away, only for him to do the same with his arm still around your waist. None of you wanted the other to pull away and you could tell. When you saw Jisung and Taehyung at the other shop ahead of you, Jungkook was debating on whether he should pull his hand away from your waist.

Unfortunately, his thoughts were cut short when Jisung’s voice sounded from a few feet away.

“Hyung… Y/N… Is there something you’re hiding from us?” His voice sounded cheeky and you could tell. You looked at Jungkook and he did the same to you, not sure of what you should reply to your friend. Partly because neither of you declared anything of your status with each other. Upon realising this, Jungkook decided to answer for both of you.

“She got cold so I’m just offering her some warmth.” He said without a single hesitation, successfully convincing Jisung.

“Really? Do you want my jacket?” Jisung asked you as he unzipped his jacket and grabbed the hem, ready to tug them off his shoulders but you stopped him saying it’s okay.

After you had all managed to head into the theatre, you sat in between Jungkook and Hyunjin in the centre of the row. Halfway through the movie, you naturally snuggled closer towards Jungkook who easily noticed this. Your heart was beating so fast in your chest but you ignored it. At one point, Jungkook whispered something to you but you couldn’t hear him so you glanced to your right only to feel his lips brush over yours when you did that. You saw him glance down to your lips briefly as he smirks softly at you, causing your heartbeat to pick up its speed.

“I said… Do you wanna hold my arm? I’m sorry I don’t have a jacket to offer you.” He repeated his words to you, earning a soft nod of your head. You proceed to slide your arm behind his bicep, wrapping your hand over his forearm. Jungkook smiled as he leaned in softly only to feel him kiss your cheek so gently, you would barely feel it if you weren’t paying attention.

After the movie ended, the rest of them wanted to get ice cream before you went home. Once it was time to call it a day, Jungkook sent you home without being asked to do so.

When he finally arrives outside your house, he told you he’ll walk you to your door.

The minute he joins you by your side, he slips his hand into yours as you easily let him. He locked fingers with you, holding you close to his side as if he was afraid of losing you. When you made it to your front door, you turned around to face him. He had a bright smile on his face, eyes twinkling under the moonlight.

“Thank you for sending me home.” You said, earning a soft chuckle from him.

“No worries. Besides, how would I get my goodnight kiss if I didn’t send you home, right?” Jungkook teased you, making you blush hard.

“G-Goodnight kiss?” You repeated those two words in a whisper, catching his attention.

Jungkook laughed at you, not expecting to see you react so shyly like that. Jungkook reaches up with his free hand to cup your face, caressing your cheek softly with his thumb. You watched as he began to lean down, closing the gap until his lips were hovering over yours. Unfortunately, your fairytale thoughts were cut short because the minute you felt his soft lips brush against your own pair, your front door opened and there stood your mother with a bright smile on her face.

You jumped away from him in shock, clutching your chest where your heart is.

“Oh my! Goodness! Grandma! You shocked me…” You said with a heavy sigh, earning a soft giggle from her.

“I’m so sorry dear. I saw Jungkook’s car outside so I was wondering where you two were.” She said, making you sigh.

“You should go. It’s getting late. Goodnight Y/N… Goodnight Ma’am.” Jungkook said before he gave your hand a light squeeze before walking away. After he left, you entered the house with her only for her to ask you something you never expected.

“Are you finally dating the nice boy? What’s his name again? Jungkook, is it?”

“H-Huh? Oh… N-No, no. Jungkook, he… he’s just a friend.”

“Are you sure? I can see that he likes you a lot and I’m pretty sure you do too.”

For the first time in your life, you were speechless. You didn’t know what to answer. So you simply kept quiet as you guided her further inside before you head to your room.

It’s been a week since the ‘almost-kissing-him-goodnight’ incident which neither of you dared to acknowledge it outwardly. Just hugging and holding hands and occasionally kissing your cheek like he’s been doing all these while. It was a Saturday evening, you were in your bedroom when your mom came knocking on your door and said, “Dear, someone’s here to see you.”

With that, she pushed the door open to reveal Jungkook standing there with a shy smile on his face. He was wearing a white shirt, a black and white large flannel unbuttoned over it and a pair of slightly loose denim jeans. You ushered him in as you patted the mattress, asking to sit down.

After she had closed the door to give you two some privacy, that’s when you giggled softly. Clearly not expecting his arrival.

“What are you doing here?” You asked.

“I was passing by the neighbourhood so I decided to come and say hi. I hope I’m not a disturbance to you or your parents at this hour.” He apologised to you as his eyes began to wander around your bedroom.

It was small but really cosy to you. All there is, was a small desk for you to do your school work, a super single mattress laid on the floor at the corner of the room beside the window, a drawer to keep your clean clothes and a full length mirror. You smiled as you watched him quietly, finding his curious face pretty cute with how his eyes grew round and his lips were parted slightly to show his adorable bunny teeth.

Minutes ticked by so fast when you’re not paying attention. Both of you were just joking around at some point when you saw his necklace fall out of his shirt where he had hid it. It was the same necklace you saw that night on his tabletop but what was even more intriguing is that it was the exact same one that the guy in your dream was wearing.

You reached forward for his necklace but stopped halfway. Jungkook knew what you were going to do so he held the pendant in his fingers and asked why you were going to reach for it.

“I’m sorry, I just… I feel like… I’ve seen the necklace you’re wearing, somewhere before. It’s okay. I must be mistaken though.” You said as you let out a soft laugh. Jungkook remained quiet as he nodded. Suddenly, you watched as he took off the necklace and soon put it around your neck. You frowned as you glanced down at his lips where his face was just inches away from yours, only to meet his gaze after he’s successfully clasped the necklace hook in the loop.

“Why did you put it on me?” You asked in total confusion, having absolutely no idea as to why he did that.

“Keep it.” He said.

“B-But I can’t! It’s yours!”

“I mean it. It’s yours now.” He said as he gave you the softest smile you’ve ever seen. With that, you simply clutched onto it like your life depends on it. When you finally walked him out to his car, you suddenly felt like you didn’t want him to go just yet. Jungkook could sense your hesitation so he lightly chuckled.

“Do you really have to go?” You whispered shyly, earning a laugh from him.

“I have to, besides, it’s getting late. I don’t want to disturb your parents. They need their rest.”

“Hmm… Okay…” You hummed sadly, only for Jungkook to chuckle. Just then, Jungkook takes a step forward as he slides one hand over your waist while the other hand cups your cheek. He tugs you closer as you glance up to lock eyes with him. Jungkook’s eyes glistened under the moonlight as he caressed your cheek with his thumb while his eyes flickered down to your lips. Neither of you said anything as he closed the gap and soon kissed you. Your heart pounded against your chest while you snake your hands around his slim waist.

You felt him smile against your lips before he pulled away to leave barely any space between your faces only for him to whisper, “I love you.”

You were about to reply but he stopped you.

“Don’t… Don’t say it yet.”

“Why?”

“You’ll get to say it when the time is right…”

“When will that be?” You whispered to him, unsure of what was going on and you couldn’t help but feel like something’s wrong.

“You’ll know it… I promise.” Jungkook said as you frowned upon him. You didn’t understand why but you obeyed his words nonetheless. Jungkook breathes out through his nose before he kisses you again longingly, making your heart swell for him. When he finally pulled away, you could feel your whole world slowly begin to crumble.

Something’s not right.

With a heavy heart, you watched as he got into his car and drove off into the distance. There was a voice in the back of your mind telling you that there’s something off with his behaviour. You just don’t know exactly what it was.

That night, your questions were answered.

That night is when it all happened.

That night is when your dream finally became crystal clear to you and all the memories came flooding back like a tsunami.

“Grandma! Grandpa! We’re here!” Your 5 year old self exclaims the minute the cab driver brings the vehicle to a stop right at the entrance of the park. You hurriedly got out of the cab whilst your foster father was busy paying the driver for the fare. You run to the end of the footpath as it separates into two directions, leading you to different parts of the park.

“Grandma! Hurry! I want to see the swans!” You yelled excitedly as the elderly couple began to walk slowly towards you. Since they were just a few metres away from you, it was the perfect chance for you to run off towards the path on the left where the lake would be. Occasionally taking breaks while waiting for your foster parents to catch up with you. People around you give you smiles whenever you pass by them and say hello.

You were walking down the footpath, trying to find a pair of swans when a beautiful sky blue coloured butterfly suddenly hovered in front of your face. You flinched back in surprise as it landed on the tip of your small nose. A soft giggle left your lips as you reached up to touch its wings when it began to flutter away. Being the child you are, you started to trail after it.

The butterfly flaps its wings delicately across the park, freely and happily while you try to not lose sight of it. Unfortunately, your carelessness has brought you closer to danger than you would’ve thought at the time.

“Y/N, sweetie! Don’t go too near the lake!” Your foster mother said as she walked side by side with your foster father. Your 5 year old self was running down the footpath, trying to diligently catch the beautiful sky blue coloured butterfly. You ignored their calls of asking you to be careful because of course, kids will never listen. You got further and further away from your elders as you were so close to catching the butterfly when all of a sudden, your feet missed a step on the wooden bridge.

Within a split second, you plunged into the lake before your elders could chase after you. Water flushed down your nose and mouth, accidentally swallowing it in huge gulps while you were desperately crying for help. Since you were just a 5 year old kid, you didn’t know how to swim nor were you taught not to open your mouth and breathe underwater.

You were growing unconscious due to the large amount of water that had already started to fill your lungs. You were ready to just accept your fate that you were going to die right then and there. Except, luck has a different plan for you. Just when you were on the brink of completely drowning, a sudden new figure dives into the lake and swoops you into their arms before bringing you back up easily. Once you were on land, they began to do CPR on you until you finally managed to cough out a huge amount of water that had gotten into your lungs.

After you have recovered slightly, the voice of the person who had just saved your life, rings in your head like a lingering memory.

“Are you okay?”

It was a man. You glanced up and saw a young man probably in his mid 20s looming over you. His facial features were a blur but you could somehow see how defined and sharp everything was. The bridge of his nose, his beautiful doe round eyes, the silver hair falling down his forehead. Except, there was one thing you could easily make out. And that was the silver pendant necklace hanging around his neck. You couldn’t really see it that clearly but it was an oval shaped pendant, similar to the ones where you can open and close it.

“Y-Yes… T-Thank you, M-Mister…” You stumbled over your words as you saw your elders rushing over to you. That’s when the man said something that wasn’t quite understandable to you.

“I promise to keep you safe from any harm.” He said over a whisper but you heard him.

This time, when you glanced back up to meet the face of the man who saved your life, it was like the blur finally faded away and you could see clearly whoever was standing in front of you. That’s when you realised. The man who saved your life, the man that has been appearing in your dreams as nothing but a black shadow to begin with, the man who you owed your entire life to for giving you the opportunity of a second chance at life, was the same guy who you met a few months ago. The same guy who you became close to. The same guy who you eventually fell in love with.

It was him this entire time.

It was Jungkook.

But how? That’s impossible… right? How could he not age? How is he not in his early 40s by now if he really was in his early 20s when he saved you 20 years ago?

All these questions began to swirl around your head, filling you with a million different emotions.

And then you awoke.

It was 3 in the goddamn morning but sleep was no longer in your to-do list. You quickly changed out of your sleeping shorts to your sweatpants, putting your bra on and an oversized jacket as you rushed out of the house without waking your parents up and soon made your way to his place. You gave it a few knocks, hoping he was still awake. A few seconds later, the door swings open only for you to be greeted by a shirtless Taehyung. He seemed fully awake as he gave you a confused smile.

"Y/N? What are you doing here at a time like this?" He asked as politely as possible.

“I’m looking for Jungkook. Is he here?”

“Uh… He’s not home… He probably won’t be for the next few days…”

“Why? Where did he go?” You asked a little impatiently. Taehyung stared at you in worry as he wasn’t sure what to say to you.

“He, um… He has a very important business to handle somewhere else. I’ll update you once he’s back-”

“I really can’t wait that long, I need to see him now…” You partially begged as Taehyung pressed his lips into a straight line in defeat.

“He went back to the cosmos…”

Now it was your turn to get confused.

“Cosmos? What cosmos? What are you talking about?”

“Me and Jungkook… We’re not from this universe.” You stared at him in disbelief but for some reason, you knew he wasn’t lying.

“T-Then… Then does that mean you’re… immortal?”

“Correct. How did you find out?” Taehyung asked as he stepped aside for you to enter. Once you made it inside, he guided you over to the couch where you decided to come clean.

“When I was five, I almost died… But someone saved me from drowning. I never got to remember who it was. Right after my 16th birthday, I started getting these blurry, recurring dreams about my accident. The dream wasn’t clear but I kept seeing the same scenes happen again and again. A few months back, my dream slowly began to get clearer but I still couldn’t see who saved me that day… And just now… just now is when my dream finally became crystal clear and I saw everything. Now I remember.” You said. Taehyung smiled as his eyes travelled down to the necklace around your neck.

“He gave you his necklace, huh?” He asked softly. You held it in your hand as you reached forward with your other hand to hold Taehyung’s forearm gently.

“Taehyung, I need to see him. All these years, I’ve been trying to figure out who saved me that day but I have no idea who it was. Now that I know, I have to tell him.”

“There is something I have to tell you.” You remained quiet as you stared at him desperately so he took that as his cue to continue.

“Jungkook was never supposed to save you that day. His task was to simply watch over you. Sort of like a guardian angel. He can’t help you no matter how fatal the situation was for you because that’s just how it works for us. But that day, he couldn’t bear to see your parents cry. He didn’t have the heart to watch you drown in front of your parents…” Taehyung paused as you slowly began to piece this whole thing together.

“So that’s why he saved me…”

“Correct. However, because of that, the higher deities did not approve of his actions… So, he had to receive punishment. And his first punishment was that he has to watch over you from afar as you grow up without getting into close contact with you until your 16th birthday. The recurring dreams you had since you turned 16 was the second punishment. You were made to slowly remember that it was him who saved you that day. And once you fully remember that it was him…” Taehyung stopped abruptly as if he was afraid to continue.

“What happens if I remember it was him? Taehyung tell me! What happens if I remember?” You asked desperately as Taehyung frowned at you sadly.

“He will forget that you ever existed.”

“What…?” Your heart stopped as you couldn’t get this thought through your thick head.

“That’s his punishment.”

“N-No… No he… he can’t forget me. He’s been there for me my entire life, he can’t just forget me… No…” You began to get anxious as Taehyung felt bad for you. You were determined to not let Jungkook forget you so you begged Taehyung to bring you to the cosmos and see Jungkook. Taehyung didn’t want to risk it at first but after seeing how determined you were and knowing that Jungkook would not want to forget you, Taehyung decided to help.

Jungkook stood in the middle of the courtroom up in the cosmos, ready to receive his punishment. Though his heart was already shattered into a million pieces, he told himself he had to stay strong in order to have even the slightest bit of hope that he would somehow remember you after all this was done. He couldn’t bear to lose you. Not again. Not ever. He has loved you from the start. He fell in love with the little girl he was told to look after. The minute he laid eyes on you on the day you were born, he knew that he would look after you to the best of his abilities.

He made a promise to himself that he would do whatever it takes to protect you from any harm that may come in your way. Jungkook wouldn’t know what he would do if he just watched you get hurt no matter how little or fatal the accident may be. And on that unfortunate day where he was just watching over you from afar, running along the edge of the lake trying to catch the butterfly, he already saw it coming. He just wasn’t sure if he should obey the words of his deity or defy them by doing exactly what he was told not to do.

In which he ended up choosing the latter for he could not bear to see your parents crying and struggling to save you. Jungkook wasn’t heartless and he wasn’t planning on becoming one. Hence, why he decided to dive into the lake that day and save you. He knew his actions would result in a heavy consequence but he didn’t care at the time. All he wanted was for you to have a second chance at life and thanks to him, you got it.

So as he stood there, his mind was filled with memories of you. From when you were a kid to now. Every single memory he had of you, lingered in his mind like posters and pictures pinned to a bulletin board. Suddenly, all he could think of was kissing you. How soft your lips were. How good it felt to finally tell you how he feels about you. To be able to hold you in his arms and tell you he loves you because he wouldn’t get to say it to you again after tonight.

It broke him but he was satisfied.

“Jeon Jungkook. You were called upon the courthouse to receive your punishment for the offence you committed years ago. Are you aware that the girl has finally seen the truth in her dreams?” His deity asked, earning a scoff from Jungkook.

“If she hadn't, I wouldn’t be here.”

His deity leaned back in his seat feeling slightly furious with how Jungkook was showing lack of respect for them. Nonetheless, they continued with Jungkook’s sentencing.

“Very well then. By the power vested in me, thou shall have no memory of the said girl after tonight. Every single memory of her shall be erased, leaving no traces of her behind. In addition, thou shall not remember any mortal from the past 2 years and vice versa. It shall be as though they never existed in each other’s lives. If there are no objections-” As soon as this was said, a familiar voice catches Jungkook’s attention.

“I object!”

He whipped his head up in search of the owner of the voice. The minute he found it, his eyes grew wide as he stared in shock upon witnessing this discovery. There you stood, at the very top of the stairs in the courthouse right next to Taehyung. He knew he had to stop you but he didn’t. He wanted nothing more than for his best friend to be happy so he decided to let you do what’s right to get his best friend out of his misery.

“Who dares to go against our ruling?” The deity said, making you speak up bravely.

“I do.”

He whispered your name under his breath as he watched you descend the stairs while keeping your eyes locked on the higher authorities.

“And just who do you think you are? Strutting about and bravely make your call to stop this trial?”

“Someone that will stop you from carrying out his final punishment.”

“Ah… you must be the girl from the lake… You must be stupid enough to think that you could leave this place alive.”

“No! Please! I’m begging you, don’t hurt her please. Give me my final punishment, just leave her alone.” Jungkook said as he stood in front of you to shield you from them.

“What are you doing? Don’t you wanna remember who I am?” You asked in confusion as he turned to you with tears in his eyes.

“Of course I do. But I also want you to leave this place alive.”

“I don’t want you to forget me! I can’t lose you again. Jungkook please!”

“You won’t lose me. Because you remember me. Promise me that you’ll make me remember you.”

“I promise.”

With that, Jungkook cups your face with both hands as he pressed his forehead against yours softly. Your eyes were closed, feeling him caress your cheeks with his thumbs. Just then, you didn’t want to lose this chance so you pushed your head forward only to kiss him. You let your lips stay there for a while before pulling away. The minute you did, you wrapped your fingers around both of his wrists while you whispered against his lips, a sealed promise.

“I love you Jungkook and I promise I’ll make you remember me.”

Suddenly, everything happened so fast as a blinding white light began to fill your vision. The next thing you knew, you were in your bedroom. It all felt like a dream to you. Except, you remembered everything vividly.

The next day, you made your way to school, only to find Hyunjin and Jisung seated at the wooden table in the garden. You came over and soon asked them curiously about the other two. However, what they answered came as a surprise to you.

“Who’s Taehyung and Jungkook? Are they your friends?” Hyunjin asked, making you frown.

What the…

A few hours later, the three of you were walking to the CS building across the campus when you caught sight of two males walking in your direction, parallel to you. One had striking neon blue hair while the other had bright purple hair. The purple haired one would be right next to you once you crossed paths with them too. You kept your eyes on them as they got closer and closer until they were about 3 feet away. As if on cue, the purple haired individual just happened to turn his head towards you, causing you to lock eyes with him.

Your heart began to race in your chest the closer you got to them. The minute you walked past them, with the purple haired one being the closest to you, the same feeling you felt the first time this happened a few months back repeated again today. The feeling of a string being tugged at that was invisibly linked to your hand and his, a small sense of longing lingers in your veins. However, you continued walking despite sensing him turning back to look at you.

So when you felt like it was safe to turn, that’s when you glanced over your shoulder to see him tilt his head in confusion but nonetheless continued walking. You whispered something under your breath, feeling your heart shatter with every word you say.

“I remember you.”

You turned back in front, your mind was already somewhere far. There was absolutely no way in hell that you were going to let this slide.

Why? Because you were determined to make him remember you for you had made your promise to him.

[blortch]

Hi it's me again

I didn't plan on replying but then I saw you wrote several paragraphs in response and then so did I and then my phone crashed so here's a shorter version. (future me here: it was not shorter, it was longer and maybe a little more frustrated because I've been working for the last 14 hours on what was supposed to be my day off and I'm tired and I hope it doesn't come off mean spirited.)

I never made any assumptions about how much you watch them and I have no feelings about how you use Tumblr. I don't follow you and we don't know each other, but I hope your year at school goes well.

It comes off like you don't like them anymore because a lot of your criticisms aren't well thought out. They sometimes involve things they've been doing for literally over a decade (the long jokes thing, they did it in BOTW 21 and again way back in 2012 in a HITB) and if anything I think they're just continuing to do what they love doing and they don't care what anyone else thinks about it.

I don't have a problem with your criticisms inherently and I'm glad you feel like the community here is chill, but I also think it's fine if people like me disagree with you without you putting a bunch of words in my mouth. My one sentence about how it comes off like you don't like them didn't *really* warrant three paragraphs made up of stuff I never said nor implied.

The problem I *do* have with your criticisms is they come off as parasocial fan theories a lot and I feel like I'm reading YouTube comments where yet another person has done numerology theorycrafting on why they think THIS is the last RLM video for REAL THIS TIME. Or Reddit dreaming up that Jim and Colin aren't friends because they aren't constantly standing in the same room with each other.

I really think the Zoomers thing is *not serious* and it just makes Mike laugh. They've almost always had an adversarial relationship with their audience and I think he's fully aware that Gen Z is part of it.

And I never said you didn't care. I think you probably care too much. And that is informed by your regular habit of making assumptions about their personal lives (is Colin wearing a hat so important? He's done it before. Sometimes he wears hats. Sometimes he doesn't.) and their emotional and mental states and how that reflects in their videos. You may have issues with fandoms who treat their figures like idols, but you have a tenancy to represent the other side of that coin. I think that's unfair to the RLM crew when they are very clear about *not wanting* people to speculate about their personal lives.

Long jokes can get old, long jokes can be forced or done wrong, or at least be done wrong more frequently, there are Mike-tangents I tolerate better than others, the latest ones I have a hard time in finding them interesting. And this doesn't affect how i feel about the ones I liked and still like of theirs.

Your theory that Mike's Zoomer talk is just another version of earlier jabs he's made at fans since forever I think makes sense.

I think you have a point that although I try to discourage too much speculation about their personal lives, the second step I do after criticizing their choices in what they present publicly in their channel is to look for motive which certainly falls into speculating about their personal selves.

More generally, I think it can even be said that I do try a bit too hard in finding motive behind people's actions, I did so for your ask and I do so for RLMstuff because I see it as part of the whole game. I've seen certain behavior before so I connect the dots from there and assume RLM are doing of the sort, or I project stuff of mine onto them. I think this subjectivity of course comes with my claims and I've said before that because of it I don't like treating my own opinion as anything like "objective", "the absolute best" or even reasonable to make. I try to use language that hints towards this but probably more often than not I omit the "to me personally it came off like... [example:] Mike's just an asshole". and instead say the easily misunderstood shorter version "I think Mike's an asshole" or even "Mike's an asshole."

A lot of the times it's for the sake of discussion. There's nothing much I could say about an anon ask about a theory concerning Colin's hat that I never would've considered otherwise so I make up whatever on the spot to keep up the conversation.

You're explaining to me how you made an observation that I read too much into, where I assumed that you wrote me an ask in the vein of "why are you doing this when you could just. not". But like I just explained I took the ask as an excuse for me to just blab about. I apologize if it felt to you like I was putting words in your mouth but anon asks aren't conversations, I see them more as the template of a post because I approach them with the knowledge that there's no way for me to know who you are or what your intentions are with certainty, so any claim I make in response is inevitably going to be full of assumptions or not be the specific answer you wanted.

Anyway, I hope you get your well-deserved rest, 14 hours of work sound horrible

[starsandmoongay]

@shewhosleepsalotincemetaries did their favorite OMWF lyrics from each song, and I decided it looked like fun! So i’m going to do it now. (I am listening to the soundtrack as I type this out.)

Starting at the beginning:

Going though the motions, gotta go with 

“I can't even see if this is really me / And I just wanna be... alive” 

I have no real reason, I just like this line! The dramatic irony (please let me know if I used that wrong) of wanting to be “alive” after being brought being back to life. Honestly this whole song is great, I like the cut-ins from the vamps/random guy!

I’ve got a theory: 

“t could be witches, some evil witches! Which is ridiculous 'cause witches they were persecuted. Wicca good and love the earth and women power and I'll be over here.” 

Don’t get me wrong I LOVE the bunnies bit but the delivery of this Xander line is just TOO good. 

Under your spell:

I genuinely cannot pick even like two this whole song is too good. 

Like @shewhosleepsalotincemetaries said this song has SO MANY layers! and I love all of them (even the ones that make me sad!) I listened to this for the first time like three days ago and I kid you not it is in my top thirty listened to songs for all time on spotify! (I don’t know how either leave me alone.) I am still shocked that (at this point in the series) they have been together for over 30 episodes and only kissed once (Because it was 2001) and then they go and show THIS. 

If everyone could ignore the fact that I used parentheses FOUR times in that last paragraph it would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

I’ll never tell: 

“The name I made I'll trade for his / The only trouble is... / I’ll never tell”

that was kinda a boring choice? but this song is so fun! And it addresses a lot of the issues Anya and Xander have with each other!

Rest in Peace:

“And since I'm only dead to you / I'm saying stay away / And let me rest in peace“

THE BEAT DROP THING. This song is my third favorite, (After Under Your Spell and Walk Through the Fire) and it’s genuinely just so fun. Like almost all the songs in this episode, surface level it’s fun and I love that, but it also signifies a deeper issue between characters, and I love that too!

Okay I’m gonna do the second half tomorrow because I am A) less familiar with the second half so I’ll have to listen to the songs a few times B) really tired and C) This post is getting really long

[bg3trashcompactor]

Chapters 9 and 10 (or 9 and 9.5) of The Long Way Down

Link to entire work on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54050866/chapters/136837372

Chapter 9

Wyll got did dirty, so I’m REALLY gonna fill in some of the blanks. We’re talking big male Libra energy. He’s not like the other nobles. He’s got some extremely specific likes and dislikes and some eccentricities. He’ll also cut a bitch who would hurt his friends. That’s the real reason he’s the Blade of the Frontiers.

Or maybe it’s not, I didn’t play through his story a whole lot because I was too busy being Astarion’s juicebox, I need to jack back in to the Matrix and check out more of the datamined dialogue.

I’m thinking that the “thing they came out on the other end of” was probably some kind of fake engagement/fake dating where one of them was in a situation and they had to pretend be a thing for a few months until it blew over. I haven’t really decided yet, we’ll see what I end up writing.

Either way, Wyll has some GREAT Tav stories and he’s going to tell ALL OF THEM TO EVERYONE. Tav pending to be a lady did not go well. AT. ALL.

I’m ambivalent about the last paragraph at the end, but I think I’ll leave it as is to be a warning that this is going to take a really smutty nosedive really fast for a lot of chapters.

Chapter 10

SPEAKING OF SMUT.

This is smut #2 in this fic. I was extremely happy with how chapter 3 turned out but there’s something about the way this one reads that bothers me. But I don’t know what it is? I also don’t have anyone beta-ing for me so……it be what it is until I can figure it out. I figure the more I write just in general, the more I’ll improve. TBH I find that when I start something new I have some trouble at the start but if I stick with it then I can work out some of the kinks (heheheh).

I’ve had the dialogue written for a few weeks, and when I started to work on it for the update this week I thought….. what if I made it worse? Much MUCH WORSE?

So BUT OF COURSE I have to put in some Bloodweave “Don’t neg me or I’ll cum”.

I headcanon (or maybe it’s canon compliant?) that Astarion has a lot of paradoxical beliefs in Act 1, and that with time, space, and support he begins to untangle some of it. One of those beliefs is extremely loathes treating people like property/slavery but also that if they’re weak or he sees them as inferior to him that they deserve it.

If we go deeper, it’s a distortion he uses to justify HIS OWN very recent 200 years of slavery.

Basically:

“The (insert enslaved here) deserves their situation because they are too weak or inferior to (whatever he’s comparing them against)”

IS EQUAL TO

“I deserve my enslavement and torment at Cazador’s hands because I am too weak to overcome my situation”.

In an extremely fucked up way, negging Gale while he gives him a lap dance he didn’t want is Astarion re-claiming his own personal power.

How?

1. Astarion is pissed that a) Gale called him stupid and b) that he’s trying to call dibs on Tav without her being involved, which doesn’t give her a lot of agency in what SHE wants. He’s angry on Tav’s behalf because he’s projecting himself in to her situation without a second thought because he’s not grounded in who HE is yet.

2. Astarion uses his trap card/bankai/ultimate weapon aka sex to “teach Gale a lesson“. By doing this, he is enacting a fucked up justice where he is not only showing Gale but he is showing HIMSELF that this line of thinking isn’t okay.

3. By pinning Gale down and bullying him until he cums he is reclaiming his power. It’s in a perpetuating the cycle of violence and a not very healthy manner, but here we are.

He is also doing a big magnification cog distortion on Gale. Telling your tadpole bro “Hey dude I really like Tav, can you help a wizard out and move out of the way so I can wife her up” is VERY DIFFERENT from the horrific sexual/emotional/physical/mental abuse he has suffered at Cazador’s hands.

He can’t see there is a spectrum between the two, it’s all or nothing. That’s a cognitive distortion called “all or nothing thinking”. Why does he have that, you may ask. Well, I can imagine that either he did things perfect, or he was punished. He’s so fresh outta the abuse he is still reeling from his new found freedom and cannot yet remember there are different levels/a spectrum to such things outside of the framework of his previous situation.

Astarion hasn’t gotten to the point where he has the emotional intelligence to understand the “why” behind HIS OWN actions. While I’m pretty sure that he also has the full package Courtesan training of active listening skills, he has never, ever, in his whole life thought about doing this for himself. I’m sure my CPTSD treatos who have a fawn response (like myself!!) will know that brand of BS when they see it.

Tav and the rest of the team can’t fix him. Only he can do that.

Also, can you imagine living on the Sword Coast in 1492 DR and trying to raw dog that life without therapy?

TL;dr: I wrote something sexy and problematic, and I know why it’s problematic and I’m gonna do it again.

Cognitive Distortions info: https://www.pacwrc.pitt.edu/curriculum/313_MngngImpctTrmtcStrssChldWlfrPrfssnl/hndts/HO15_ThnkngAbtThnkng.pdf

[jungw8ns]

GOING TO AN ESCAPE ROOM WITH ENHYPEN !

PAIRING: boyfriend!enha x gn!reader. GENRE: established relationship, fluff, crack. WARNINGS: profanity (not that much tho), mentions of death (?). WORD COUNT: 100 - 200 each member.

HEESEUNG:

the two of you were so pumped playing an escape room together for the first time that the other people in line had to calm you guys down (which was trully embarrassing to say the least 🤐🤐)

he was looking at the ranking board filled with pictures of players that had succeeded in the shortest amount of time and he just wanted nothing more than to see both your faces on there

but anyways, we all know how competitive heeseung gets 🕴️

oh boy let me tell you, this guy WAS SPEEDRUNNING IT but not the kind you were thinking

the second the timer had started he was literally SPRINTING AROUND THE ROOM LOOKING FOR CLUES YET COMPLETELY MISSING THEM 🏃‍♂️💨💨💨

while he was busy running around, you were picking up the little details in the room and in no time managed to open a few locks

"y/n look i found– oh 😐😑😐"

HE WAS SULKING PLSSS 😭😭😭

when you noticed him standing from afar staring at you with his arms crossed, you called him to solve this one puzzle you already did

*gasps* "oh no! babe i don't understand how to do this, please help me 😔😔🤥🙏🙏"

he had to bite his lower lip to stop himself from letting out that cocky grin but it got out eventually

"oh it's so easy sweetheart, just put this here and then voila! 😉"

when the two of you escaped you suprisingly got to take a polaroid with him home after ranking 2nd in the records

heeseung was the one who held onto it tho, placing it underneath his clear phonecase for safekeeping <3

JAY:

GOD THIS DUDE

THE ESCAPE ROOM WASN'T EVEN THAT SCARY AND YET EVERYTIME YOU GUYS OPEN A LOCK OR A DOOR HIS FIGHT OR FLIGHT INSTINCTS COME UP 😭😭👊👊

"y/n stay behind me >:(("

"um, babe, you do realize that's just a door right?"

"WE'LL BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY?? THE STAFF COULD'VE PROGRAMMED IT TO GROW LEGS?? 😵🧐🧐"

you knew you shouldn't have played horror games with him a few nights ago cause he looked like he was about to lose his mind 😔

you had to shove his ass aside and move on to the next mission cause the both of you knew that he was stalling 🏌️‍♀️

jay was being extra clingy the whole time you were playing, he'd either link arms with you or hold hands (he's literally so adorable) 💞💞

BUT THEN YOU THOUGHT OF DOING A PRANK ON HIM

while you were roaming around the room trying to solve a puzzle, you saw this horse mask on a nearby table

and so you made sure jay was distracted and put on the mask

you could've NOT worn the dusty old thing but where was the fun in that?

"jay can you come here for a sec?"

you hid behind the wall beside the door frame waiting for him to come into your sight and attacked him

now, how about we guess what happens next?

a. he faints

b. he runs away

or c. he slaps you in the face and forces you to buy him food for the rest of the night

if you guessed c then YAY! YOU'RE CORRECT 🥳🎉🎉🎊

THIS HOE SLAPS YOU AS HE SHOULD

"$##/@+(+'£%(:?!!)&£**/*%@"

when he finally takes off the mask like those scenes in scooby doo he's never felt so betrayed in his life

"i- I TRUSTED YOU 😭😭😭 YOU BETTER BUY ME FOOD LATER, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS, THE BETRAYAL???? LITERALLY UNPROVOKED?????"

he wouldn't stop side eyeing you until you guys finally pulled up on the mcdonalds drive thru

"hi, can i get two um– bts meals please? 😒😒 and two oreo mc flurries 🙄🙄 and also large fries 😐😐"

sane (1/3)

would be trailing behind you like a little puppy (i love him so much 😭😭😭)

he either has his arm linked with yours or held hands every five minutes

JAKE:

really focused on the puzzles he's doing but the second he hears you call out his name for help he's there beside you with the sweetest smile

but anyways, mans was POPPING OFF the entire time you were playing

he was solving problem after problem in no time (he wanted to impress you is why he activated his inner flash ⚡⚡) but he did let you play tho, the last thing he wanted to do was make you pissed at him for hogging all the games

def buried jake with compliments and forehead kisses right after ❤️__❤️

and so the two of you got out in like an hour and a few which you were very proud of

"you were so cool today babe, good job !!"

"aww thank you angel 😊😊"

sane (2/3)

SUNGHOON:

would be linking pinkies with you the whole time, only letting go whenever the both of you had to solve something that needed two or more people

there was this one game tho where he had to arm wrestle this literal hand lever to open the door to the last room (yea...don’t ask why, the staffs were pretty weird 😬😬) 

it made him enjoy the experience a bit more as it was only the two of you playing instead of getting accompanied by strangers

HGAWAHSGDHSGHDA PLSS THIS GUY

“oh this’ll be easy, y/n step aside, i’ll handle this 😏😏😏”

idk if you were supposed to think about how handsome he looked with his serious expression on and his veiny hands coming into frame or be worried for him because the lever was REAL HARD to pull that his veins looked like they were going to pop any second soon, you stepped in and helped him tho cause you were a good s/o <3

from a spectators point of view, the two of you looked like y’all were about shit your pants but the two of you eventually succeeded on beating it, immediately dragging him to the next room which had a sofa in it, laying down to catch your breaths

cliché moment ahead ⚠️⚠️

the two of you shared a few laughs before standing up on the empty space, held hands and started to jump in circles to celebrate your success 💃💃

yupp, y’all were never going back to that hellhole again

very stubborn at first, he wanted nothing to do with the game but then you held him at gunpoint by saying:

SUNOO:

"please just this once or else i'll revoke your mint choco ice cream rights 🔫🔫🔫"

"BUT IT'S SCARY IN THERE BABE :((("

"it won't be that scary sunshine, besides, i'll be ready to 🤜💥 yk?? trust me babe i would never let anyone hurt you <33"

kinda pissed since you blackmailed him into the place and also bc he wanted to play bumper cars and dance mania but he yea he caved in pretty quick 😋😋

(y/n let him play his games in peace tf >:(((( )

once you guys got in tho he realized how normal it was and that it was not terrifying at all

THE EPITOME OF CLINGY OMFG

he wouldn't stop back hugging you and you couldn't bring yourself to push him away to play the games so you just let him walk behind you with his arms on your shoulders 😩😩

(y'all were walking kinda funny but don't tell sunoo that 🤫🤫🤫)

yea the two of you ended up escaping with a whopping 2 hours and a few minutes

but it was the effort that counts so A+++++ for the both if you 😜👍👍👍

sane (3/3)

JUNGWON:

was the one who suggested going, he even searched on naver about really good escape room places to visit and was overall really looking forward it

he liked going to places and having fun with you so it wasn't a shock how his eyes were literally crescents and his dimples were so evident

yea he literally rushed the both of you to the place that you were the first in line 😵

while waiting for the staff to finish setting up he was playing with your connected hands like 🖐️✊🖐️✊ (so precious 💞💞)

"y/n why are you taking so long 😭😭 what if they close and we end up not solving a single lock, hurry up por favorrr 😩🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏"

when they finally lead you to the room he was kind of surprised that they had separated the two of you into different spaces (like the one with txt where they had the answers to the other member's puzzles yk???)

he was locked inside a telephone stand while you were handcuffed in the main room

dw the two of you reunited after a few minutes cause jungwon was rushing his lock to get to you 🤭

you both were progressing at an average pace and it made you guys a lot more closer (not that you guys weren't before but you get what i mean)

after you guys escaped the two of you went to eat curry and talked about the whole experience 😋✌️✌️✌️

this boy literally dragged you in the escape room with him

NIKI:

HE DIDN'T EVEN GIVE YOU TIME TO REFUSE HE JUST 😐👉🚪

"ok masterchefs, in order to test your abilities we must go through series of puzzles and make it out alive, understood?"

he tried ignoring how confused you were and went on to try and get you guys to escape

HE'S LAUGHING AT YOU FOR WHATEVER REASON AND OBV YOU LAUGH ASWELL CAUSE WHO WOULDN'T??? his laugh is so contagious pls 🤖🤖 he was so close to d wording cause he couldn't breathe from laughing too much

yea.. you guys spent so much time laughing at each other for being so dumb at this that you ended up playing 'till closing time

spoiler alert: he fails on doing anything cause the second you made eye contact with him this child collapses 😍🤩

GIRL SO EMBARRASSING 🤡🤡

THE STAFF KICKED THE BOTH OF YOU OUT AND NOW YOU GUYS WERE BANNED FROM THE PLACE ☠️☠️

"haunted house next weekend???"

"BET"

NOTE – god they were WAY funnier in my head but yeah.... i love them so much AND OMFG HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN HEESEUNG’S SELCAS LAST NIGHT???!?@??#?@?!?@ HE’S NOT REAL WTF ⁉️❓❓⁉️

also, idk why BUT EVERY TIME I SAVE A DRAFT the paragraphs get scrambled?? £!?) 6=6) 🤣😂💔💔🤣🤣😂💔 it's so annoying but anyways, ilysm pls stay safe and have a great day <33

[kusagrasskusa]

Michael Myers X Murderer! Reader - Headcannons - "Death Card"

Also, thank you (Wattpad Person) for requesting this :) I know your the last request I got, so I prolly should have done someone else's request first, but your's was just easiest to find. (Also, I have it bad for Michael so )

Have fun reading this! I'm writing this on my laptop instead of computer so sorry if the formatting turns out worse than usual :/

Also...someone made fun of me for putting, "eight," and, "11," in the same sentence. I guess not many people know this, but anything under ten is supposed to be written out unless their fractions or decimals.

By the way, these basically aren't headcannons lol. It's just me wanting to write out a story but not being good enough to so I just write it down in simpler terms.

Enjoy~

Not only is Y/N just another famous murder who casually takes the lives of people, but she's amazing at hiding

..........until-

Y/N was an abusive home after her parents died when she was a toddler. Her aunt and uncle neglected her but karma came back at them when their car fell off a bridge, causing the pair to drown. The downside for the young Y/N was that she was put into a foster institution. And we all know by now that foster care are full of fights, drugs, weed, alcohol, and shitty employees.

As a young girl entering such a bad place, she was always a target. You know that sense of fear, worthlessness, and loneliness fucked with her head to where she felt lashing out felt great.

She would be unable to stop herself as she plunged a sharp object in and out of this prick that held her down for so long. But once she heard voices from other kids, she ran.

The story made headlines as the next big attack from yet another child. That's right, next. There was someone who inspired her to do what she did.

Of course, she always had that memory in the back of her head. That boy's violent actions filled her with immeasurable awe when she saw the news. However, she always had something more important to think about.

With so much dissatisfaction with her past, she could only fill herself up with adding things on to her in the present, and more in the future.

Y/N would steal Poker cards from people and always use the Ace of Spades to mark her kills by sliding the card into a wound. After all, betting games were the highlight of her day in the foster institution. She was always so good at it that it became her pride.

All these headlines and stories about how evil she is became such a big deal in her head. Such an overwhelming feeling of adrenaline every time she heard the name people would call her.

"The Death Card," is another name for Ace of Spades in most English countries. It was the perfect fit for Y/N.

(Ya'll, I feel like a fucking genius for coming up with that lol)

She was so good at hiding, truly. Kill someone in Kentucky, then move to Missouri. Killing someone there and move to Georgia, and so on.

Only in her hometown was she caught.

Michael was the one who started it all for her, as their same age and hometown made her feel connected to him, and finally where he got caught would be the same place she did.

14 years of hiding and killing led her to meeting him

Michael spent these 14 years sitting in complete silence. No talking, no humming, no singing, nothing. It's like he was always in his own world of thought, too busy in his imagination to interact with the real world.

Of course, there was times when he did pay attention to what's around him.

The news was the only thing he'd really pay close attention to. After all, what if something happens to Haddonfield while's he's stuck in there, and that causes plenty of people he once knew to move away?

But per usual, there was nothing about it

But there was something that caught his attention even by a little

"After 14 years, the notorious Death Card or Card of Death has finally been caught," says the Haddonfield Police Department. "While we're unsure of her motives thus far, we have been able to learn of who she is. Y/N L/N made the headlines once in 1980 at the age of eight as one of America's biggest crime cases with children as the culprit, having brutally stabbed a 15 year old boy. This happened just two years after the Michael Myers case, when a six year old boy stabbed his older sister in 1978. All else the HPD are saying is that her frantic behavior may lead her to a mental institution rather than letting her make legal decisions in court."

Michael paid attention to all the details of the report. For this report to be made about Haddonfield, chances are they'll be meeting each other soon.

The Death Card was a violent killer Michael heard of plenty of times however he never paid close attention to.

(Holy shit these are just headcannons so why am I writing long paragraphs)

He had to say, hearing about her violent stabbings were the highlight of his week. Even if he never felt strong about hearing other people having fun with their lives like she was, he couldn't help but almost feel pushed to do what she is. Living freely and ending those who cross his path...

Saying he was jealous or inspired would be a stretch though

He would spend his days painting paper mache masks while thinking of doing what she was for sure but he hated how she would show off by using those cards as if she didn't have a goal in mind, which was annoying to him. If you have nothing to live for, then kill yourself was his mindset.

Michael watched as Y/N stepped into court. He know hundreds- no thousands- of people watched as this woman of pure evil stepped into the courtroom. Her H/C hair flowed as she walked passed everyone, glaring at them with her cold E/C eyes.

A look of slight intrigue replaced his normal dull expression as he watched the girl stand up before the judge, smiling sassily at the cameras as to tell them to fuck off. Michael can recognize that look of intrusion on her face as she was practically interrogated. Clearly, she hated it there.

He watched contently as all the mystery surrounding the Card of Death was revealed to everyone in this world. Days went by of this court case before finally, she pled insanity. After all, she was known to have some underlying mental conditions as she remained so calm when talking about the varies of ways she would kill.

It's easy to see that many felt bad for the girl. Such trauma growing up led to the creation of this unfortunate human. But Michael? He didn't feel bad at all.

He never was sad or truly sympathetic however...he did feel pity. Somewhere in his soulless eyes held pity for this sad, sad girl he was soon to meet. Not exactly sympathy, but simply pity. And with that came respect.

The day that Y/N stepped foot into those doors was the day the two would meet for the very first times. Over 63 counts of first degree murder in 14 years led to the meeting of these two serial killers. At the time, they were both only 20.

Tables were scattered across the room with people talking or simply sitting alone by themselves on them. There was TV in a few different places around the room and board games in a couple of shelves. In the back of the large room was windows that showed the outside that felt so out of reach forever.

As the metal doors slammed behind her, she felt eyes on her immediately. Y/N slowly scanned the room as she gulped back the intense fear gathering in her stomach. Her lips parted open as she began to breath heavily and press her back on those metal doors.

She was so trapped and scared when she first entered that foster institution. She couldn't help but think of karma when her aunt would hurt her so badly for those five years before she died. But 63 murders are so much worse, so what could karma do to her to balance her evil deeds with punishment?

Laughter and giggled filled her ears as she shut her eyes tightly and covered her face with her arms. Her vision was going blurry; she was having a panic attack. Tears fell from her eyes as she whimpered quietly to herself.

She may be the Card of Death however she never had to be in a large group of people in so long.

Her body jerked as she was suddenly pulled away from those metal doors. She cried out when she saw a large man, around 6'7 (204cm), pull her away.

In just a few seconds, she was pulled to a metal table and forced to sit as the large man stood behind her with his hands on her shoulders.

Her body tensed unimaginably as they remained still for a few seconds, quiet aside from the occasional sobs of Y/N.

Then suddenly, the pressure on her shoulders disappeared. She heard nothing until the sound of creaking from the seat in front of her interrupted.

Y/N felt eyes on her. They were so intense over her.

A minute passed before her own eyes fluttered open, meeting the man's eyes in front of her.

A shiver ran down her spine when she came face to face with stone cold blue eyes that seemed to hold nothing within them. No light, no soul, and no sympathy. Not only that, but a orange mask made of paper mache covered the rest of his face as well.

The man tilted his head before lifting his hand onto the table, sliding something over to her. Y/N looked down at what he gave her.

"Don't speak. Write."

Michael had given her a paper with these words. His handwriting was hard to read considering he nearly never wrote anything so it took a moment before Y/N got the message. When she did, she looked back up at the man and nodded just a little so it was barely recognizable.

Obviously this conversation was to be secretive so she knew to barely show signs of interactions. The camera couldn't pick up on such a small nod to what evidence is there of them even interacting?

Michael slid the paper back to him and brought a pencil to the paper after erasing the original text. When he slid it back to her, it read, "Don't let anyone know what we say Y/N. They watch everything." When Y/N looked back up at him, she saw him dart his eyes from something behind her to something on the wall between them. She turned her head slightly to the side, noticing a camera on the wall. So she understood.

Michael had dropped on the pencil on the table, meaning it was her turn to reply. She erased the previous text before writing down, "Who are you? How do you know me?" When she slid it back, Michael took the pencil in his hand again.

"Michael Myers. I was a well known case two years before you. We heard a lot about you on TV."

"As in the boy who killed his sister at the age of six?"

"Yes. You know me?"

Y/N's eyes widened slightly as she frantically wrote down a reply. Without even noticing, the knot in her stomach had completely disappeared without a trace.

"I remember seeing your case. I thought about everyday."

Michael didn't reply immediately after reading. Instead, he waited a few minutes and stared down at the table. A look of confusion remained on Y/N's features as she impatiently waited. Then suddenly, Michael erased what was on the paper and simply drew a masked person looking somewhat like himself with a knife in his hand. He drew dead stick figures around it with blood splattering everywhere.

Michael knew that this picture would cover up all the eraser marks and writings that were still slightly visible. So when the guard that walked up behind Y/N without her knowing popped up, he didn't see any text.

Of course, this did lead to the paper being taken away. Then minutes after that, both of the pair was taken away.

If there's one thing as scary as analyzing The Shape and caring for him, it's that person who cares and analyzes him finding him interacting with someone else for the first time.

Whenever Y/N got sat down in her cell, she knew what was about to happen. She was sat down in her bed as a man she'd never seen before sat down in the chair that came with her little desk in her cell with a guard next to him.

Have you ever spoken to Michael? Are you related to him? How do you know him? How does he know you? Have you ever met his family? Why did he interact to you? Why was he drawing things for you? Does he like you? Does he hate you? Did he write to you? Did you hear him talk?

So many questions were asked by this Dr Loomis in such short amount of time. "No, no, I don't, no, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, no, no," and mostly these were your responses. No matter how many times Loomis asked, you dully replied.

You simply said he sat you down and you began to draw together, both filling in a piece of the drawing together.

And eventually, you got out.

Another day went by of "talking" to Michael.

And another.

And another.

The talks were nice and casual. What goes on in the asylum? What goes on in the outside? Who should I avoid? What's the reputation of the HPD?

Do you want to escape?

But it was only a matter of time before finally the two were friends.

Y/N was kinda just in her cell one night in bed. Then she just gasped and widened her eyes. Wait, are we friends? We're friends, right!

Michael already knew of their friendship like two weeks before she did. It felt so...wrong for him. He had always been alone and silent. How could someone like her even be so likeable to him? He didn't really understand it but he knew he hated it.

One day, the two were writing to each other per usual. Michael unintentionally added a pun in one of his comments, causing Y/N to giggle. Michael cocked his head to the side in confusion, strangely feeling heat rise his face and his heart speed up. It was air conditioned so he suspected he may have gotten sick.

Whenever the two had to go back to their cells, that feeling suddenly disappeared. Then it hit him. Oh fuck-

Hell, only a week later did Y/N feel herself experiencing the same symptoms. Michael notices that Y/N would shake and fidget a lot when they interacted, making him wonder of she was cold. As a friend, it was only right for him to sit next to her and hold her close to keep her warm, right? Y/N's face went red and damn that was embarrassing. But of course, that didn't mean Y/N wouldn't hug him back.

Eventually the two were basically cuddling. The two hugging each other warmly as Y/N rested her head on his chest, struggling to stay awake as they got more comfortable by the second.

But of course, Dr Loomis caught eye of that.

The doctor had been looking deep into al the interactions these two evil beings have had. They act so casual, so normal with each other, surely more than just drawing is happening between them, right?

The doctor had pulled them into his office separately to interrogate them. While Y/N bluntly answered his questions to make him just shut up as quickly as possible, she couldn't help but think to herself. She knows that she and Michael are mentally ill, but he should definitely be fixed by now. He's smart and creative and can casually talk to people, so it's like the only thing keeping him here is that the doctors are so ill-equipped that they can't make the necessary breakthrough to save him.

Of course, just a month later, another incident happened like this. Y/N was having a bad migraine so Michael got her to just sit down and wait for him during lunch. He brought over two trays of food for them and was sure to trade with Y/N so she can eat the things she likes and he could have the things she dislikes.

Another time, a bipolar guy ran into Michael and shoved him as if it was his fault. Michael shoved him back instinctively, causing a fight to disperse between the two. As security guards took notice, Y/N was quick to push Michael away softly and ball a fist to punch the fuck out of that guy- like a, "YO WHATCHU SAY ABOUT MY MAN?" type shit. Y/N did this to seem like she was hitting back and that Michael hadn't done anything wrong.

And when each other's birthday's rolled around, they had their own celebration. Y/N was given her own paper mache mask as a gift and a small cupcake from the cafe. Michael was given stolen art supplies that were taken from other guests and also a cupcake.

Y/N slowly stopped having panic attacks, but she definitely had her moments. Of course, Michael sat with her through it.

Dr Loomis recorded all this shit so he can gather data on Michael. Then the question hit him: How would Michael react if Y/N was gone for a few days? Does he truly care about her or is he just using her?

If you think Michael hated Loomis before, wait til he pieced together the disappearance of girlfriend and the extensive eyesight on him from security guards. For the hell he raised about it, he had to get sterilized and put into a cell without being able to get out for a few days.

Y/N remained bored in her cell for days. So what better could she do than annoy the guard watching her? She would just talk nonstop for what felt like hours and hours. The dude watching her was just getting more pissed off by the second.

"Would you shut up? Crazy bitch," he hissed, hitting the cell door. Y/N giggled cockily, shaking her head. Even if she deserved to be yelled at for continuing to talk, the Card of Death refused to back down. But when the guard went inside her cell and locked the door behind him, she got a bit worried.

Y/N got off her bed and threatened him cockily, to which he responded with physical force.

Of course, Smith's Groove is ill-equipped so even with proof of being hit and tazed, Y/N couldn't do anything to get the guard fired. But Michael?

A full month without seeing each other was like a slow suicide. But when they finally got to see each other again, the two was sure to write so much about their time alone as if they were teenage friends discussing their fun weekends. However, things turned dark whenever Y/N brought up the guard.

Michael didn't show any emotions at all, no matter what happens. But Y/N learned to guess how he's feeling depending on how long he takes to respond. Slowed blinking as if he was in thought, and slower reading as got analyze her writing closer were typically bad signs.

About a year had passed since they met at this time. A year to plan to escape. By now, the two were both 21 and fully prepared to leave once and for all.

Whenever that security guard had walked passed Michael's cell one night, Michael had knocked on the door to signal him. Michael slipped a paper through the doorslot, as he was given paper since he doesn't talk, saying he found a dead mouse in his cell. The guard just huffed and let himself inside. Michael pointed to where the mouse supposedly was; and that was a mistake for the guard.

Right as that guard went to look, Michael got behind and covered his mouth before stabbing him in the neck with a paint brush that's but carved into a small blade. Within moments, the guard dropped dead onto the floor.

Taking the keys from the guard, Michael was able to let out nearly every single prisoner to this hell out of their cells. Including Y/N.

The world sister was the only thing left of the pair as it was engraved into the door of Michael's cell. And just like that, the two were gone.

How they got there so fast doesn't matter but eventually Y/N and Michael found an abandoned house to station at until the search around the area disappeared and they could move around quicker.

"I can't fucking believe it," Y/N cheered as she felt tears run down her face from happiness. She swayed across the room, taking in the smell of dust and air. Even something dirty felt so new to her that couldn't help but love it at the moment.

Michael would watch her as he sat down in an old wooden chair, cocking his head. His body was in complete shock as the realization of all that's happened in the past years came crashing down on him. This was the real world? This is what dust smells like? This is what shattered glass and broken wood looks like? This is what trees look like up close? This is what things look like without glass tinting the color?

This is what it feels like to celebrate with someone you love? Michael reminded himself that the girl in front of him changed his life so much. His urge to harm all around him was always so strong, but the thought of her being hurt felt a bad taste in his mouth.

He stood up from the chair, walking towards the ecstatic girl as she cried happily to herself and picked up random things to remind herself of what they feel like and all she takes for granted. She turned her head to him, smiling, "Michael, look, I found a-"

Y/N gasped as Michael gripped his mask and slowly moved it. Y/N watched in awe as for the first time, she saw her only friend in this world's real face. That pale skin and soulless eyes that she grew familiar with became so new to her again.

"Michael..." she whispered, stepping closer to him. Her face heated up as she felt the weight his eyes staring down at her. She lightly bit her lip, a shiver going down her spine.

He took a few steps closer as well, making the two remain inches away from each other. Now at this point, Y/N is questioning if Michael is gonna kill her or is gonna kiss her as he awkwardly put his hand to her cheek, brushing her hair away. She leaned her head into his hand, keeping eye contact with him the whole time.

In just a matter of moments, the two came together in a soft kiss. The moment was quiet as the two did their best to remain calm and together as this moment that was little way's overdue continued.

When the two pulled away, Y/N was quick to wrap her arms around him. Now she wasn't going to cry about it, but damn was that contact she needed so badly. The Death Card and The Shape were basically Yin and Yang with how one is emotional and the other in emotionless but their need for pain and each other is what kept it healthy.

Just imagine how much suffering families went through since the two got out.

[existslikepristin]

Please, No Virginity Puns

The most recent thing I posted before tumblr. It was on Choerry's birthday, and I am proud of that.

Tags: TheLounge, Loona, Choerry, male reader insert, it's her birthday!, 100% butt stuff, I ate a thesaurus

~~~~~

It didn’t matter what you had to say anymore. Choerry was already on top of you, nude and keeping you muted with her tongue. How did you get there?

Well, moments prior, you were sitting next to Choerry at your small dinner table. She’s always insisted on sitting as close to you as possible in order to enable near-constant snuggling. It’s gotten a little annoying here and there, but you can’t help but concede to her innocent demands whenever she smiles.

Of course, and not that you’ve ever complained about this, that’s not to say that her demands aren’t always entirely innocent. Most of the time they are, but not always.

That day, for example, you woke her up with breakfast in bed. It wasn’t tradition, but you were just getting her back for the last time she did it for you. And what better day to present her, prone, with a pancake, pulverized potato, and porridge parfait platter… with toppings… than her birthday?!

It can be hard to tell if Choerry is acting or not at times, but you’d like to think that her cartoonish level of enthusiasm for the treat was entirely real. She carried that sunshine throughout the rest of your day, skipping through the park, greeting everybody on the way to, inside, and on the way out of The Lounge, at the surprise party that you helped all of her members get her with, and when she dragged you to her room.

Not a drop of alcohol had touched her lips that night, so it was all the more surprising when she shoved you onto her bed and stated matter-of-factly-but-also-vaguely that she wanted you to put a thing in her butt. Her words came out of her mouth like shimmery soap bubbles.

You had to pause for a moment to process her words. You were certainly up for some sexy times with Choerry. You had anticipated it was going to happen when she put your hand down her pants near the end of the birthday party with no attempt at subtlety. But her exact word choices had you rubbing your temples out of exasperation, even as she stripped herself down to her ridiculously cherry red lingerie.

Your chance to admire that rare view was lost to history, however. She removed the lingerie from her body while she claimed your lips. Your disappointment at not getting the opportunity to remove it yourself quickly faded when she popped back up though.

Her breasts were as perky as her attitude, and also your dick. She was quick to notice the latter and made quick work of your clothes too. She sighed satisfactorily at the sight of your sword and stooped to supply it with a suck and some slickening slobber, so you suspected the sex was starting summarily; more swiftly than standard, it seemed.

Concerned for her well being, you made sure to ask if she had lube available. Again, you weren’t going to complain about her gusto, but she lacked the anal experience that some of your mutual friends had, at least you assumed. Sure enough, there was a bottle mere feet from her reach in her drawer. She grabbed it and jumped back on top of you, pouring it generously over her ass crack and your cock with surprising accuracy for someone so engaged with a hot and heavy kiss.

You were sure you had something to say on the matter. Perhaps some additional words of caution, maybe some other words of encouragement. It didn’t matter what you had to say anymore. Choerry was already on top of you, nude and keeping you muted with her tongue. How did you-- come back around to the exact same thought that the story began with?

“It’s okay, right?”

You attempted to blink away your stupefaction. “O-okay?”

“Mhm! For me to… you know!” She leaned in and whispered directly into your ear, “Put your penis in my butt.”

Ah, yes. The demand that you had nearly forgotten in her flurry of kisses, now slightly reworded to include your dick in the equation. “Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?”

“Just checking!”

“We’ve… done this before.”

“I know!” Choerry swooped back in to continue kissing you, implying that she had no intention of expounding further. Her fingers wrapped around your cock, massaging the whole length to ensure that the lube had maximum coverage.

Your breath caught as you felt her readjusting you, tapping you around between her legs as she tried to match you up with her intended target purely via exploration. Your cock was ground between her ass cheeks, the tip slid over her clit, and dipped briefly into her pussy. A groan was the only complaint you could give to only being given a half second of her fantastic heat.

You didn’t have to wait long to get it back. Her ass opened up to the pressure she applied against it with your dick, but exceptionally slowly. Choerry released a series of little exclamations into your mouth as she pushed. She tossed the lube bottle to the side and snatched your hand, curling her fingers into your palm.

Finally, the last pop came, and was followed by a short slide. With no more manual guidance necessary, she grabbed your other hand as well, which promptly slipped out of her grip considering the amount of lube present.

Choerry released you from your kissy bliss to look at her slippery hand, a mixture of anger and amusement on her face. She tried a couple more times to hold your hand with it, but you liked this look. You easily slithered your hand out from under hers every time she slapped down. It was like watching a cat trying to catch a laser pointer.

It was just another reminder that no matter how deep inside Choerry you may physically be, she’ll never stop bringing a goofy-ass smile to your face.

Finally, you relented and entwined your fingers with hers, locking your knuckles together so you wouldn’t fall apart. She glared down into your eyes, but a grin still crept through. “Thank you,” she said, lips tight and nose scrunched up.

With you fully in her grasp, Choerry straightened herself up, allowing you the opportunity to look up and down her sublime figure. Though her movement caused her to cause you to penetrate her a bit further which caused her to flinch slightly, she kept herself aloft on her knees to not go too far all at once. She closed her eyes and took a series of deep breaths there, as calmly as if she was meditating.

As much as you wanted to go ham on her ham, you didn’t want to hurt her, so you contented yourself with watching her chest rise and fall. “Happy birthday…” you whispered.

“You’ve already told me that today,” Choerry intoned, eyes still closed like she was drifting off into her own little world.

You laughed. “I was saying it to myself! Have you seen you?”

She smiled again, and said three words in a voice that made it seem like she was speaking to an audience on the edge of their seats, “Okay, I’m ready.”

Her fingers constricted around yours, so you questioned if she was, in fact, ready. But you wouldn’t be the one to stop her.

Choerry’s tight tush trucked its way toward the top of your tower twice to tighten her take on the task at the time, before torturously trending testicle-ward. She temporized without taking your entire tool.

So hypnotized were you with her graceful movement that you didn’t even notice the frustrated moan coming up your throat until it was too late.

Her eyes popped open. “I’m sorry!” She sounded like she meant it, too. “This is… tough.”

“Take your time,” you said, straining your voice for comic effect.

“Could have used that four paragraphs ago,” she said, continuing her extremely slow descent down your shaft.

The odd statement distracted you just long enough for Choerry to finish her drop. No longer did space separate your pelvises. You grew concerned again when she winced and bit her lip from the inside.

“Choerry, we really can do something else. Don’t hurt yourself please.”

She gave you an exaggerated, indignant gander. “Rhetorical question: Who gets to choose the cake on her birthday?”

You held in your “cake” joke.

“It’s me,” Choerry’s voice was far too chipper to make this talking-to sound as stern as you were sure she wanted it to come across as. “As birthday lady, I get to pick the cake, and I get to feed it to you if I want to.”

You held in your “cake feeding” joke.

“And tonight, the cake I pick is my bum.”

You opened your mouth to comment on her most excellent selection of the word “bum” in the midst of a scenario where your cock is fully inside of said bum, but you instead gasped a sharp breath.

Choerry ground forward, pulling your dick with her and anointing the lowermost part of your stomach with the juices being lightly sprinkled from her clit.

“Besiiides,” she continued, re-angling her hands to she could tickle the backs of yours, “We have all the lube! Even some that’s got a certain special flavor to it!”

“Just some?”

“Yeah, ooh,” she crooned, apparently quite enjoying the grind back down your pelvis, “I didn’t get it all at once. Now guess the flavor!”

You waited for her grinding to pause again to be able to think straight, “Does it start with a ‘C?’”

Her smile grew. “Yes!”

“Is it a fruit?”

“Yes!”

“Is it… cherry?”

“Failure!”

“Wha--”

“It’s coconut!”

If you weren’t so established in your hand holding with Choerry, you’d have palmed your face. Thankfully, thoughts of how she could have possibly expected you to guess that were pushed to the back of your mind as she resumed her removal of your breath with a series of fanciful body rolls.

Finally fucking her fanny felt fictional. For while not the first foray there, far-fetched was the philosophy that it was fielded often, the front being the favored fornication fissure for the foreseeable future. Unless, of course, you could make this an especially special session.

But woe was unto you. Choerry had the upper hand(s) figuratively as well as literally. But, perhaps, you thought, this was exactly what she wanted and you could wait your damn turn to take control.

And you liked letting her anally probe herself this way, so, you know, what were you to do but enjoy the ride?

Over the course of her self-imposed ravaging, Choerry’s meditative breaths became ragged. Her eyelids fluttered at regular intervals. Through it all, she held her phantasmagorical demeanor. A couple of times she reached for the lube bottle and shotgunned it somewhat inaccurately between her legs, but it did the job. You were happy to see that she was still considering her own comfort.

In fact, to your surprise, her mouth opened wide in a silent shout. Her core trembled anticipatorily. Her hands held yours with a colossally increased lewdness. And those two mystical words trickled from her tongue with a high-pitched susurration, “I’m… cumming…”

Choerry’s grinding came to a grinding halt. Her body jerked and she fell onto you. Your cock sprang free of her ass in, and as a result of, the same motion.

You untangled one of your hands to stroke her back in the most adoring fashion you could muster. After chewing on a thesaurus for the prior hour, you were sure neither of you really needed any more words.

She stayed there for a spell, and you were happy to let her. It was so late it was nearly no longer her birthday, but her birthday it still was. She deserved the rest, along with the rest of your undivided attention.

Her whole movement consisted of her back going up and down as her lungs attempted to revive her fighting spirit, and her thumb lovingly shifting over the divinatory lines on your palm. You wished she would do something about her hair plastered on your chin, but ninety-nine percent of paradise is paradise enough.

You were disappointed when Choerry rose once more, slimily straddling your stomach. She detached her hands from yours to give the hair on either side of her face a good backward flick over her shoulders, and she sighed with contentment.

It was a shock to hear her speak again after such a prolonged reticence, but her unerringly cheerful voice was entirely welcome nonetheless.

“More please.”

You couldn’t then, and you still can’t help but concede to her innocent demands. Her smile just touched the corner of her lips. Sure, some of her demands aren’t so innocent, but… How did you get here again?

[speutschlish]

Promising Young Woman (tw: abuse, assault, r*pe, trauma)

Two days ago I saw Promising Young Woman at a drive-in theater, and it was the most cathartic film experience I’ve ever had. I was bawling, ecstatic, and deeply triggered all at the same time. It was beautiful. I couldn’t even stand up afterwards because I became nauseous and light-headed. In therapy I’ve been learning how to reconnect my body sensations to how I’m feeling. Watching this obra maestra made me feel all the feelings, and I had such a powerful physical reaction in response to that - it was a good learning experience in that way as well.

That paragraph may sound too contradictory to make sense, but it makes perfect sense to me, and if you want to read more (with spoilers), you can expand this post.

If you don’t want to read spoilers, then let me just say that as someone with C-PTSD caused by childhood abuse (sexual, emotional, psychological), r*pe and sexual assault who is finally in a safe enough place to look back and face it all in the hopes of healing, this movie SAW me, and that means A LOT.

PYW is a realist film. There is an unreliable narrator in Cassie (though there is no narration that happens, just that Cassie’s is the only vantagepoint through which the plot progresses). She is perfectly imperfect. She is drowning in her trauma, and as I’ve learned through uncovering and attempting to heal my own trauma, I know intimately how the trauma brain distorts your actions and reactions and feelings, so is Cassie doing “the right thing™”? No. But she’s doing the only thing her trauma brain can tell her to do - keep Nina close, keep Nina alive, don’t give up, don’t let them win, don’t move on because Nina can’t, so why should you?

The thing is, this movie shows that the only one who ISN’T crazy is Cassie. 

Cassie is the only one who cares as much as someone should care that a woman was drugged, raped, mocked, discarded, demeaned, dehumanized into suicide.

Let’s look at everyone else’s response:

Nina’s mom: obviously traumatized, grieving, but has compartmentalized and wants (needs) to “move on”

Cassie’s dad: expresses sympathy, is one of the few characters who mentions Nina without Cassie’s prompting, but ultimately takes no real “action” to help Cassie, and most likely did not take action to help Nina (sympathy without support)

Cassie’s mom: desperate for Cassie to “move on” so that her family life can seem perfect again

Madison (ex-friend of Nina and Cassie): victim blames, repeatedly calls the r*pe of Nina “gossip” and admits she laughed at the video

Ryan (Cassie’s snuffed out love flame): after seeing video evidence that he witnessed the r*pe of Nina, he says he did nothing wrong and proceeds to attend the wedding of the r*pist like it was all normal

Cassie has long ago tired herself out screaming “LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED! THIS IS AN INHUMAN ACT! THIS IS A CRIME! NINA IS SUFFERING! WHY AREN’T YOU DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT?” And at the point of the movie, years later, Cassie lives in the theater of the absurd, where no one wants to remember Nina or take any action on her behalf. Was the path that Cassie took the best path? The healthy path? No. But it’s not a stretch to understand why she thought it was the only one she could go down and still live with herself.

It hit me when someone called Cassie crazy, and she says, “No, I really don’t think I am.”

It hit me when Ryan tells her “Can we think about this for a second?”, and she says “You have NO idea how much I’ve thought about this.”

It hit me when she wrote “In the event of my disappearance...”

It’s so clear to me - Cassie didn’t want to die. Cassie didn’t even really want “revenge”, per se. She wanted the world to make sense. She wanted the gravity of Al Monroe et al’s crimes to be recognized and treated as the horrendous, inhuman, vile acts that they were.

The movie is real - Cassie can’t have that. She can’t have that because there are r*pists sitting on the highest courts of the land. There are Presidents who support, applaud, and participate in r*pe. There are terrorists who blow up bombs in public, but not before torturing and abusing those closest to him at home and the authorities do nothing after he is reported. There is a man living his normal life out there after r*ping my mother, molesting and r*ping me as a child, and turning the other way after his son r*ped my sister.

If someone is so monstrous that they can drug and r*pe a woman - they have already shown that they have no regard for the personhood of girls and women. They will not hesitate to wretch her personhood away from her, do as he likes with it, and choke the last bit of life-sustaining air from it. It is no surprise that Al Monroe is capable of murder, and it’s no surprise that his friend laughs when he finds out she’s dead.

Lately I’ve been feeling some regrets - why didn’t I fight more? Why didn’t I scream at him, find a weapon, run away, something, something to show him how deeply wrong he was to do those things to a girl, to a woman?

This movie was a peek at an alternate path that I could have taken. It showed me a part of my life unlived, a part of my life that I could have had in another universe. It didn’t look away. It gave viewers the thing that Cassie was searching for - the recognition that (Nina / I / all victims) matter and that what happened to (Nina / me / all victims) matters. It has weight. It takes up space. The evil of what happened to (Nina / me / all victims) dripped and oozed and infected everyone that it touched. Cassie wasn’t wrong to recognize that, and if we all did, the world would be a better place.

[fbfh]

light up the dark [VI] - leo x reader

genre: mid adventure domestic fluff overture, romance, smutty lemony bit towards the end

word count: 3k

pairing: Leo x gothy!child of eros!fem reader

requested: very much so, yes

warnings: magic manipulation powers, feelings are hard and weird and scary, some innuendos, the phrase hot gusher out of context, the word dirty talk, trying to "proposition [someone] in front of two for one cookie crisp", brief credit card theft, jason thinks ketchup is spicy and gets clowned on for it, one use of the word lube in reference to mechanical lubricant, shirtless leo remember that one piece of shirtless leo viria art?????? remember the caption?????, your facade is beginning to crack, deadpan joke about being dead in space, making out, whole lotta sexual tension, brief mention of a boner, teeny tiny bit of grinding, getting interrupted, c*lypso

summary: after an extensive shopping trip, you, Leo, and Jason settle into your airbnb and wait for the others to arrive. Jason takes a nap, and Leo helps you dye your hair. You return the favor by helping him make dinner which leads to two things; a well timed boner, and a poorly timed visitor.

listen to: power and control - marina, 100 bad days - ajr, all I ask - adele

a/n: let's play spot the zack and cody reference within the first paragraph

also surprise the series isn't dead!! a shock to all but mostly me!!

as with all smexy smutty nsfw content, all characters are aged up to 18+

Standing in front of a wall of hair dye taller than you are should have been exciting. It would have been, except for the fact that all the colors were various shades of honey mist auburn. You really don’t want to have to make a separate trip to a beauty store for hair dye. Your eyes land on a firetruck red box, and gratefully, you realize you won’t have to.

“Perfect,” you muse, throwing it into your cart, along with the other stuff on the list you’d divided between you. You grab a few other things from the beauty section while you’re there; some makeup, eyeliner, a glass nail file, and a tiny pair of oil slick cuticle scissors.

Nearby is a guy a little older than you in a varsity hoodie and sweatpants squinting at a two in one shampoo label.

Perfect, you think, beginning to approach. You work your magic - literally - and within a few minutes you have his credit card. It takes way less time than it used to. You also didn’t have to smile and flirt nearly as much as you used to. You’re relieved that you don’t have to fake enthusiasm around rich douchebags the way you used to, and a new inky drop of fear begins to stain the corners of your mind. You can’t even bear to admit it to yourself, but you’re kind of scared. Before you can begin to question if you know what love is and if you’re capable of experiencing it without the influence of your divine heritage, you shove it all away. Not the place, not the time. You speed up a little, passing an endcap of candy, and knock a box into your cart.

On the other side of the store, Jason checks off items from their half of the list as Leo tosses items in the cart, talking along the way. Of course, you came up in conversation rather quickly.

“She’s… a real piece of work.” Jason says, treading lightly.

“You said it, man,” Leo agrees, sliding a pack of coke onto the bottom of the cart. Jason thinks for a moment before continuing.

“She seems to,” he tries to figure out how to phrase their dynamic, “not hate you as much as everyone else.” Leo laughs at the accuracy of the statement. He can tell Jason has something else to say, so he’s quiet while putting paper plates and napkins into the cart.

“Hey, Leo?”

“Yeah?”

“Just… don’t let her hurt you, okay?”

He stops for a second. He’s so lucky to have a friend like Jason, one that will genuinely look out for him, but sometimes people caring for him still catches him off guard. Really off guard. With no idea how to begin to verbalize that complicated mess, he takes a split second to collect himself.

“Thanks, man.”

His smile is sincere.

Don’t let her hurt you. Can he just do that? Not let someone hurt him? Especially someone like you. He’s only had a few long term crushes before, all just out of reach and only getting further away. Only one had amounted to something - not that he could call what he had with Calypso ‘something’. She certainly wouldn’t. He looks around, trying to shake off the sting. He starts to get that unsettled, itchy feeling when he focuses on stuff like that for too long.

‘At least I got some good stories out of it,’ he thinks, messing with the back of his hair and fixing his hoodie strings.

“Here.”

He turns around, coming face to face with you, holding out a box very close to him.

“Hot gusher.” You say softly. What? His cheeks heat up, pulse speeding up suddenly. He glances at Jason, who’s at the other end of the aisle asking an employee something. Are you implying something? Are you trying to proposition him in front of two for one cookie crisp? He’s unable to look away from your gaze, intense and striking. You couldn’t possibly mean what he thinks you mean. Your fingers brush and he’s struggling to find an elegant way to say ‘hey, maybe the grocery store isn’t an ideal place for dirty talk’.

“W- uh, sorry, what?” he says, laughing in an equally hushed tone, needing to make sure you meant what he thought you did. You glance down, then back up.

“They’re spicy gushers. I thought you’d like them.” the feeling is gone in a split second, the same time it took to arrive, and is replaced with relief. He looks down at the box, realizing he’d taken it from you at some point. He laughs at the ridiculousness of his previous panic.

“Thanks,” he says, a reflective smile on his face.

You realize how comforted you are to see him smile, really smile, when you catch yourself having to keep a neutral face. One of the first times your resting bitch face has been intentional. Before you can say you’re welcome, Jason comes back over. You hand him the card.

“Pin number’s 0401.”

They both stare at you, skimming the label of a granola bar, completely unperturbed.

“How…”

“Credit card theft.”

The logical part of Leo’s brain starts to speak up, telling him to raise his guard, that his stomach should be twisting. If you can just take someone’s credit card without a hint of remorse, who knows what the hell kind of damage you could do to him if he got closer to you? And he really wants to get closer to you.

“Oh,” you pull a small pop top tube out of your cart and hand it to Leo, “this is for you too. You know, since you don’t like coffee,” you trail off as he reads the label. Caffeine and electrolyte drink tablets, red berry rampage flavor. He looks up at you, feeling warm and… something else, something ineffable, at the gesture.

You stare at each other, eyes locked, surprised at the strangely intimate feeling stirring in both of you.

“What are those?” Jason asks, snapping you out of whatever that was.

“Spicy gushers,” Leo says, smiling again, “I didn’t even know they made those.”

“Hot mango,” Jason reads from the side of the box, “that actually sounds pretty good.”

“No way dude, you can’t handle spicy food.” He starts to protest, and Leo continues, “You think ketchup is spicy!” He looks shocked.

“Okay, that was one time! It was a weird brand and there was way too much pepper in it!”

You bite back a giggle at their bickering, taking note of how much better Leo seems to be doing and finding surprising comfort in their banter.

It doesn’t take long to get to the airbnb and get set up. You all dump your bags in your rooms, bring in the groceries, and shove everything into the cabinets in a reasonably organized manner.

Jason heads upstairs to unpack and call Piper, announcing a few minutes later that they should be here in less than two hours.

“Perfect,” you pull out your hair dye from the last bag. It’s not exactly the manic panic wildfire red you’d initially wanted, but it’s definitely better than nothing. You stare at the box for a second, then up at Leo who’s trying to get one more bag of chips to fit in with the others.

“Hey,” you say, just loud enough to get his attention, “do you… can you get the back of my head?” He looks at you, questioning, and you hold up the box dye. He smiles, once again noting your softened edges around him.

“Yeah,” he agrees, and minutes later you’re in the bathroom, adorned in a big tee shirt covered in all your previous hair colors. He’s staring at your shirt, eyes dancing over the swirls and splatters of color. It reminds him of a painting he’d seen once, unable to remember the name.

You shake the bottle, skimming the instructions again, then start speaking to him, eyes still on the box.

“Take a section of hair, about this much,” you demonstrate, holding out a section of hair, “rub in the dye like this…”

You hand him the second bottle of red dye, and he starts on the back. His fingertips start separating out a section of your hair, and you still, a shiver running up your spine. He hesitates for a moment, then continues, and you hope he hadn’t noticed. His breath fans your ear, and you can feel the heat radiating off his chest. Your lungs are shallow suddenly, squeezed tight like a bouquet clutched in a shaking hand. You find it almost impossible to focus on dying the front half of your hair.

You don’t want it to stop, you realize. His fingertips dancing along your hair, the glimpses of his incredibly focused face in the bathroom mirror, the way he’ll gently turn your head to make sure he didn’t miss a spot.

“Shit,” he leans back, hunching forward. You look behind you, eyes landing immediately on the spot of red dye on his shirt.

“Shit,” you echo. He looks back at you, waiting to see how he’ll react.

“Oh, it’s all good - no worries. I already have a ton of motor oil and lube - lubricant… machine grade, petroleum based engine lubricant-” he laughs, “stains on this shirt anyway. Don’t sweat it.”

You almost laugh. A giggle bubbles up from your chest and stomach, but catches in your throat. Before it can come out, he slips off his dye stained gloves, and tugs off his dye stained shirt from the back. It seems to happen in slow motion. In a mere moment, your eyes engraving every detail, every line and curve and freckle to memory.

There’s really no delicate way to put it; he’s fucking jacked. Deceptively so. You’re frozen in place, cheeks flushed. You suddenly wonder what it would be like to be wrapped up in his arms, held so close to him.

You snap yourself out of the thought, all of that occurring in just a few seconds. He leans past you, setting the dye stained shirt carefully on the counter, glancing at you intensely.

“Are you checking me out?”

You make yourself roll your eyes and turn away, replying, “I’m sure you’d love that.”

Angled away from him, you momentarily reprimand yourself, squeezing your eyes shut and mouthing oh my god. You turn back to him, not recalling the last time you had to deliberately keep up your aloof front around someone like this.

“So, are we finishing my hair or just gonna leave it like this?” you ask rhetorically, motioning to your half done hair.

He watches you do this, confirming his suspicion that you’re really not as cold as you let on. A smile blooms on his face, and he doesn’t think he’s ever seen anything as… cute as that.

“Yeah,” he replies, slipping his gloves back on. The things you do around him seem to mean more now. He notices the way your eyes flutter closed for a moment when he plays with your hair, working in the dye, or the way you still for a split second when he gets a little too close to the side of your face, checking that he didn’t miss a spot.

He doesn’t want this to end either. But eventually, your hair is fully saturated with dye, the timer on your phone counting down slowly. There’s still some dye left. He sits on the closed toilet.

“Your turn. Do me.”

“What?” you laugh.

“Yeah, a little streak - up here.” He leans forward, sectioning off a part of his hair.

“Seriously?” you ask.

“Yeah. Unless you don’t want to match…” he muses. Your eyes get this dreamy look for the briefest second, then you’re turning back to shake the bottle some more.

“I guess… I mean there’s too much dye to throw out, we might as well do something with it.”

It’s his turn, now, to feel the warmth from your body, your hands running through his hair. His eyes want to close, and bask in the feeling, but he refuses to miss out on the view of you so soft, so close to him. It doesn’t last nearly long enough for either of you, and much too soon you’re pulling away and throwing away the gloves and empty bottles.

By the time you finish cleaning up and throw out the garbage, it’s time to rinse your hair. Hanging your head over the tub, you let the water flow over your head until Leo tells you it’s running clear. He does the same, and you point out too late that he only had to rinse the dyed part, not his whole head.

You both laugh as you wrap a towel around your hair, teaching him how to do the same.

“Sweet, I’ve always wondered how to do the spa snail towel thing.”

“The spa snail towel thing?” You try in vain to fight another laugh.

“Yeah, you know… cause it looks like a snail, and they do it at spas…”

“Oh… my gods…” you laugh, exiting the bathroom and heading down the hall, “I”m going to get changed.” you call.

“Am I wrong?” he asks after you, and you bite your lip to stop yourself from laughing. He heads to his room to do the same.

A few minutes later, you’re carefully pulling on your top, when he calls through your door.

“Hey, I’m gonna be in the kitchen, come down when you’re ready.”

“...Okay,” you agree.

You check your outfit in the mirror. You can still feel his fingers brushing your neck. Your head tilts at the memory. Snapshots of him pulling off his shirt in slow motion flash in your memory.

You realize how much of an affect the last hour has had on you. Your stomach drops.

You can’t possibly be falling in love. No way. Not a snowball’s chance in hell.

You’re not the falling in love type. At most, you’d hook up with someone a couple times on the rare occasion you thought they were hot, too.

Oh, you decide, that must be what’s happening. I just think he’s hot. I mean, duh. Of course he’s hot. Did you see him in there?

That’s all you have to do; hook up with him once, maybe twice, then you’ll get over it. It’ll make his ex jealous, and they’ll get back together. It will go just like it always has. Then you can move on to whatever the next crisis is.

You take a breath, resolving to follow the plan, exit your room. You throw yours and Leo’s old clothes and towels in the hamper, and head down stairs. He greets you, and pulls you into the kitchen.

“I have something to ask you.” Your brow furrows.

“...Okay.”

He takes your hand in his, the other behind his back.

“Will you…” he looks at you, gaze piercing, “...be my sous-chef.” he finishes, holding out an apron, matching his.

You study him, a hopeful, surprisingly confident look on his face. His hair is still damp. You’re sure yours is, too. You wait a beat, before replying slowly.

“Yes. But I’m not wearing that.”

“That’s fair,” he says, setting the apron on the counter, “I will have to dock your pay for being out of uniform, though.” You let out a puff of air from your nose, biting back a laugh. He pulls out a skillet, bowl, and oil, and begins preheating the pan. You watch him pull out more ingredients, and begin to set things up.

“Right now we’re waiting on that,” he says nodding at the stove. You nod, inspecting a bottle of seasoning he’d pulled out, and settle into a comfortable silence.

He thinks back to the last time you had time like this - playing twenty questions at your apartment. A pit forms in his stomach as he remembers the conversation veering to Calypso, as it always seemed to. He shoves it away. Not this time. He steadies his nerves. “So, you want to play twenty questions?”

You agree, coming closer to him.

“If you could go anywhere, where would you go?”

Your eyes flick over to the clock. You have a solid hour, hour and a half before the others are supposed to get here. You stare at him, brushing hair out of his face.

“I’d be dead in the endless void of deep space.”

He cracks a smile at how on brand that response was. Your fingertips trail down to his neck, rethen shoulder. The smile doesn’t leave his face, not completely. Your heart beats loudly in anticipation.

“My turn. Do you want to make out?”

His head snaps up, eyes locked with yours, trying to tell if you’re serious or if this is another example of your distinct sense of humor. But he can tell it’s not - there’s something a little too close to the surface in your eyes.

“Yeah. Yes, totally-”

You grab his collar, pulling him in for a kiss, and leaning back against the empty counter.

His lips are soft and warm, moving gracefully with yours. You barely register that the first kiss ends before you dive back in. You angle your head, deepening the kiss. He plants one hand on the counter, the other making its way to the small of your back. You flick your tongue past his lips, and his grip on your waist tightens. You clutch his collar tighter, other hand moving through his hair, still damp at the ends.

You can tell he’s enjoying what you do by the way his mouth quirks up ever so slightly at the corners, and by the way he starts to harden beneath you. You roll your hips into his, and he falters, sighing, breath fanning your lips. Not quite a moan, but you’re getting there.

The front door opens before you can.

Leo pulls away reluctantly, very reluctantly, and turns off the stove.

“That was fast,” he says, panting slightly and still very flushed. They’re not supposed to be here for a while, still.

A tall girl enters the kitchen, dark strawberry blonde hair pulled over her shoulder. She looks between you and Leo with a sour expression on her face.

“Calypso,” Leo says.

"...Hi."

[asleepinawell]

Been having a lot of Thoughts about the nier series recently and the larger themes of both games and wanted to jot them down and toss them into the void of the internet.

Massive spoilers for nier automata follow, including for ending e. Do not read this if you ever intend to play nier automata. There are spoilers for nier replicant as well, though not for ending e.

One of the biggest themes both nier games tackle is the tragedy of an uncaring universe. Bad things happen to good people, people who think they're good and doing the right thing find out they were actually committing atrocities, the very idea that there's 'good' and 'bad' people is dissected and rejected. At the end of the day, the universe doesn't give a shit about any of us and none of it matters. Enjoy your existential despair!

In nier replicant, the main character starts off as an optimistic young boy who wants to save, not only his sister, but the entire world. After the time skip, nier is a young man whose optimism has (partially) been tarnished and whose goal has narrowed down to just saving his sister. As you move through each route you understand more and more how tragic the world is and how, despite your best intentions, you are only adding to the tragedy of the world. The original 4 endings of nier replicant are all tragic in some way. Ending D has a glimmer of hope in it in the form of nier being able to save kainé at the cost of his own existence, but it's a bittersweet ending and the world is ultimately doomed anyway.

Which brings us to nier automata. Even more so than replicant, automata hammers home the meaningless of everything, the uncaring universe, tragedy both avoidable and unavoidable. The main characters are locked in an endless loop of violence and despair. The worst that could happen, does, again and again. It thrives off the type of tragedy porn I usually hate.

Except....

Except it doesn't. If endings a and b are the opening statement, endings c and d are the facts and body of the essay, but then there's ending e, the concluding paragraph which takes everything we've been told and gives you the chance to draw your own conclusion from it.

Route e starts after you've gotten both ending c and d and is no longer about the characters in the game at all. Route e is about you, the player, and what you believe. It says "we've given you a story of complete despair, we've shown you the universe is unfair and doesn't give a fuck about you, we've shown you things that end in tragedy. despite all of this, do you still believe it's worth fighting for the hope of something better?"

And then it asks you to prove it.

Route e is the ending every fan has asked for when they've said "I'll fight the creators to give my favs a happy ending." Today is your lucky day!

Route e is the ending credits of the game, except that the ending credits have turned into a bullet hell mini game. In fighting the actual credits themselves, you are fighting the game devs. You are saying fuck you I don't believe that everything is pointless. Fighting for better is always worth it. The meaning that we imbue in life is important to us and that matters.

The bullet hell of the end credits starts out fairly simple and gets harder and harder as you go, lasting something like 15 minutes total, which is a brutally long time to be playing something that requires split second timing and 100% of your focus. It's meant to feel insurmountable, just like the challenges the characters in the game faced (the larger plot challenges, not the combat). You will likely die a lot and check points are few and far between.

But there's more to it than that. The first time you die, a prompt comes up:

And then when you die again:

Except now, there’s a message on the screen. A message that appears to be from another player, somewhere in the world.

And again:

(this one really fucked me up, but that’s for a different post).

And then finally:

(thank you user MR-YE-1996)

When you accept the rescue offer, you go back to the bullet hell again, but now you have a wall of other players around your weak little avatar, shielding you from harm. The music, which has been a single vocal track up until now, gains an entire chorus of voices to represent the army of actual players who’ve shown up to save you (and there’s a lot I could say about the use of the (exquisitely good) music in the nier games, and especially about the difference in lyrical themes between ashes of dreams and weight of the world). Every time a bullet hits one of the players surrounding you, there’s a message saying that user’s data has been lost. Users from all over the world are sacrificing themselves to help you. It’s a very nice, heart-warming moment that you still don’t understand the full impact of quite yet.

After you beat the credits, you’re rewarded by a final cutscene. The android protagonists have been reconstructed and will receive a second chance at life. The narration at this point talks about how life exists within the spiral of life and death we are all trapped in. One of the two pods talking points out that even though the androids are being given a second chance at life, there’s a possibility that things will go just as poorly once again. And the other pod agrees, but adds: “However, the possibility of a different future also exists.”

And then the scene ends with this quote: “A future is not given to you. It is something you must take for yourself.”

And this is really the final conclusion of the game. There is no inherent meaning in the universe, so the meaning we give our lives is the most meaningful thing. (And the ‘you’ here isn’t necessarily an individual either. It can be, or it can be humanity as a whole, or even one group). And you, the player, thought that it was worth fighting to give these characters a second chance, and other players out there in the world thought it was worth helping you to do so.

It’s such a wonderfully beautiful piece of meta interpretation posing as a game ending, and also a departure from the final conclusion of previous Yoko Taro games. It feels like a much more mature and nuanced interpretation of the world than the ending of replicant was (I won’t comment on the new ending e of replicant just yet since it didn’t come out that long ago). (Also, for the record, I love nier replicant and the characters in it with my entire heart. This post is not bashing it).

But the game has one more surprise in store for you. After the cutscene ends, you’re given one last choice. The game asks if you have any interest in helping other players the way you were helped. And if you say yes, you’re told that the only way you can do this is to sacrifice all your save data.

I think that sacrifice hits differently for different people. Some people genuinely won’t mind that at all. As someone who probably still has save data from games I played 20 years ago, it felt like a gut punch. To me, save data represents all the time and emotion and energy I’ve put into a game. Games are so deeply important to me in so many ways and have been since my childhood when they were one of the few ways I could escape from a lot of terrible shit going on in my life. (There’s a reason my blog title is what it is). I could talk a lot more about that point, but I’ll leave it by saying that when I saw what the game was asking of me it felt like someone had knocked my legs out from under me.

For more practical players, it also is locking you out of chapter select, the best way to go back and get all the things you missed and grab the achievements/trophies you still need.

The game will point out that you’ll get nothing in return for this (not a lie, there’s no secret reward), that you will likely never know if or who you helped, that you won’t be thanked, that the person you help could be someone you intensely dislike, etc. And with all of this comes the realization that all those people who came to help you in the credits had already done this. Those people whose data was sacrificed to help you get to the final cutscene had already sacrificed their save data to help you.

We’ve now gone from a world where everything is meaningless, to a world where other real actual human beings out there have sacrificed something that represented hours of their time and a varying amount of emotional investment without any hope of reward to help a stranger see a message of hope.

When I was younger, I was more drawn to dark, hopeless stories. Stories about how dark and meaningless the world was. The world was a terrible place then too. 9/11 happened when I was in highschool (an incident that influenced yoko taro’s creation of nier replicant and had a huge impact on me at the time), the pointless wars that happened after and the recession and a million other things seemed to infuse everything with hopelessness. In that world, stories about everything being meaningless and hopeless felt correct. They felt validating. Yes, everything really does suck that much!

That sort of story lost its appeal for me later on. Pointless and horrible things continued to happen, and still continue to happen. The world events of the last few years have been an unnerving reliving of those earlier years, except even worse. The cycles of tragedy are still there with no end in sight. I’m exhausted from all of it. It really does feel hopeless a lot.

But stories that stop at that point no longer appeal to me. Stories like nier automata--stories that say yes, things are terrible, but there’s always hope, you can create your own meaning, it is always worth it to fight for better even if you fail, your life is worthwhile simply for existing--those stories are the ones I think we all need more than anything.

[supernatural-jackles]

Owe You One - Part 5

Title: Owe You One - Something Old and New

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 4,371

Warnings: Minor Angst, Workplace Drama, Light Smut, Dry Humping, Fluff, Implied strained relationship.

Summary: Dean Winchester has been your best friend and neighbour for the last year. A year of finding comfort in random drop ins and casual conversations, but neither of you know the pasts that the other has. Not fully. Pasts that come back to haunt you, and ruin everything you want in life. Can you find what you’re seeking in a couple of favours and a good time between the sheets or is history doomed to repeat itself?

Owe You One - Masterlist

Square Filled: Mechanic AU ( @spnfluffbingo)  Friends With Benefits ( @spndeanbingo ) Clothed Sex ( @spnkinkbingo)

A/N: Happy Tuesday! Here is part 5! I hope y’all enjoy this part! Please leave your thoughts in a reblog, reply or send me an ask! The reason I share is to get a response from you! Happy Reading! 

You let out the biggest yawn as you typed away on your work computer. It was just after one on a Tuesday afternoon, and you were more than ready for Friday to be here. You weren’t sure if you could handle another three days of the same boring work. You needed to find something new, instead of this fashion magazine crap. There was no way you were going to work her for the rest of your life.

 You finished up your last paragraph, saving the file before exiting. Charlie walked past your desk, giving you a wink before she entered the conference room right next to your desk. You were having an afternoon meeting in there to discuss how things were going, along with a bit of a late lunch. Since your floor was all women, getting off topic was a given. It was basically a gossip session in a professional setting.

 You put your computer on sleep mode, getting up from your chair. You decided to bring your sweater into the room, in case you got cold later on. Charlie had picked her usual seat at the end of the table so she could look at the boss directly. You always took the seat next to her, since she was one of your only friends in this place.

 As soon as you took your seat, the rest of the ladies piled into the room, taking their respective seats. Ruby took her seat next to you, and Meg beside her. Across the table, Bela and Lilith sat down. Your project leader Abaddon, walked in last with a platter of sandwiches from the diner down the road.

 “Ladies,” she greeted you as she placed the platter down on the table. “Welcome!”

 “I hope you got vegetarian,” Meg side-eyed her.

 “Of course I did,” Abaddon stated. “Let’s get the boring part of this meeting over-”

 “Please!” Charlie interrupted.

 “As I was saying. Asmodeus gave me the rundown in this morning's meeting about how things are going on our end. Right now, sales have improved by three percent, which isn’t terrible but it’s not what he is expecting out of us. Considering we cater towards women, he thinks we should be doing better. The guys on the floor below us are doing slightly better on their fishing magazine, let’s put it that way.”

 “Who the fuck wants to read a fishing magazine?” Lilith pointed out.

 “Exactly,” Abaddon replied. “Anyway, if we keep at the rate we’re going, odds are we are going to improve. We just need a couple of good hits and maybe a celebrity cameo cover story to sell and we should be on top. With Charlie on website duty, that reels in a whole other audience and we need to keep that up. I’m going to have Y/N do more articles to keep readers coming back. Ruby, I’m thinking of sending you out in the real world to grab some more perspective since you know how to talk to people. Lilith and Meg, you guys will continue working on graphics.”

 “What about Bela?” Charlie asked.

 “Well I'm actually leaving the company next week. I’m going back to England for a few months,” she smiled sadly. “I’ve got something to do back there.”

 “We’ll be sad to see you go,” Abaddon told her.

 “Yeah,” Ruby frowned.

 “Alright, I’ve given you the just of what you needed to know,” she said, taking a seat on the chair before grabbing a sandwich. “Gossip is now in session! Who is first?”

 “I started seeing this girl a few weeks ago,” Charlie started. “I met her in one of my weekends larping. She became one of the queen’s handmaidens in Moondoor and we just clicked instantly. I mean, I have never just clicked with someone like I have with her. She’s hot and not to mention, one of the best kisser’s like ever!”

 “I’m happy for you,” you smiled at her.

 “I’ll have to bring her around sometime. She’s amazing. I think y’all would really like her,” she beamed.

 “Look at her, she’s getting all blushy,” Abaddon teased her.

 “Shut up,” she scoffed. “I’m not!”

 “You are,” Ruby let out a laugh.

 “Someone else share,” Charlie stated.

 “Cas and I are talking about adopting a dog,” Meg shared. “Our schedules finally match up to the point where one of us would always be there. Our relationship is in a really good place and I think this would be as good a time as ever.”

 “For a second there, I thought you were going to say you’re adopting a child,” Ruby smirked.

 “No. Not yet,” she shook her head.

 “And to think, a year ago you thought Cas didn’t feel the same about you. Now look at you guys,” Lilth reminded everyone. “It’s only a matter of time before you guys get married!”

 “That’s still a long way off. But Cas is my best friend. I love him with all my heart,” she smiled.

 “Lilith and I are having a get together at our house next week,” Ruby spoke up. “You guys can all come and bring whoever you want. It’s been too long since we had one and getting all of us together is so hard.”

 “That’s true,” Charlie said. “I’ll bring my girlfriend.”

 “I’m in,” Abaddon smiled. “Count Crowley in too.”

 “How are you and Crowley, by the way?” Charlie asked.

 “We’re good for the most part. You know us. We still argue like an old married couple. Last night we argued over who was cuddling with Juliet. He likes to hold her and I like to have her head in my lap while we watch tv. There was no settling it last night. You know what he’s like,” she shrugged.

 “Do you think he’s going to propose soon? You guys have been dating for what-”

 “Eight years,” she finished. “I don’t know. Maybe? Maybe not. I’m not expecting him to. I’m happy as long as I’m with him. Even though all we do is argue, there is no one I’d rather be with than him.”

 “That’s what matters,” Meg smiled.

 “What about you, Y/N? Any guy in your life?” Abaddon asked you. She was staring directly at you. You didn’t want to say no, because it was a lie. But at the same time, you didn’t want to say yes because what you and Dean did in the bedroom was between the two of you. It wasn’t anyone else’s business.

 “Nope,” you stated.

 “Oh really? What’s with the hickey on your neck?” she smirked. Everyone turned to face you in sync. Your hand instantly reached up, covering the spot you knew she was talking about. You felt your cheeks turn warm. So much for keeping it quiet. Dean’s fucking lips. “You’ve been caught. Spill now!”

 “I’m not dating anyone,” you shrugged, trying to make it seem like it was nothing.

 “But you have a hickey?” Ruby furrowed her brows. “What, just a hook up?”

 “Something like that,” you breathed out.

 “Or is a friends with benefits kind of thing?” Meg cocked her eyebrow. “‘Cause there is nothing wrong with that.”

 “Sorta,” you answered vaguely.

 “What do you mean there is nothing wrong with friends with benefits?” Bela scoffed. “It’s only going to get complicated for one. Two, what is the point to it?”

 “Have you never just had sex with someone?” Meg argued. “There is nothing wrong with two consenting adults having sex.”

 “That is true,” Charlie nodded. “So what if you are. Is he a nice guy at least?”

 “Yes, he is,” you told them. “Look, I’m not ready for what all you guys have. You are all dating someone, or married or getting married. I don’t want that. I like sex and this guy just happens to be awesome at that. He doesn’t want to date. I don’t want to date. This is better than hooking up with random strangers on a constant basis to get what I want. At least with this guy, there is trust.”

 “With trust comes love,” Charlie teased you. “Why don’t you want something more?”

 “Yeah really?” Abaddon added in. “Out of everyone in this room, you are the only one who has never had a significant other.”

 “I just don’t want one. I’m perfectly happy on my own and I don’t need to have a man to make me feel like I’m getting somewhere,” you shrugged.

 “You never know though, Y/N. You might find this guy is worth it in the end,” Abaddon winked. You could hear the judgement in her voice. It was very clear that she thought the friends with benefits thing was stupid. She had been with the same guy for eight years and all she did was fight with him. What did she know about relationships? Better yet, what did she know about you and your life?

 You needed out of this workplace as soon as possible. You didn’t want to continue to be included in the bi-weekly gossip session. You were fucking tired of being judged by them. Even Charlie, who was supposed to be your friend. Granted, she wasn’t as judgy as Abaddon, the queen of drama. But why couldn’t you be happy with just having sex with someone you trusted. With someone who knew how to get the job done and made you feel good?

 You couldn’t have been happier when the meeting was over and you finally got to head out for the night. You needed away from these women and the drama that they exhaled. You made your way back to your desk to gather your things. You checked your phone to make sure you didn’t miss anything from Sam especially.

 *Hey, you wanna stop by the auto shop when you’re done work. Wanna show you something* - Dean

 You smiled for the first time all day. Finally, some normalcy. Someone who wasn’t immersed in drama. You couldn’t have been happier that he was your best friend after a day like today. You grabbed your sweater, pulling it on before throwing your bag over your shoulder. You swiped your card on the way out of the building, making a beeline for the bus.

 You were thankful that Dean’s work wasn’t too far from your own. It was a few blocks away and thankfully, the bus stop you were getting off at wasn’t too far away from his shop. You sent him a quick okay, you were on your way message to let him know you saw it. You had never been inside his workplace before. Not his day job anyways. You were kind of excited to see what he looked like as a mechanic.

 You got up from your seat, heading over to the back doors of the bus to get off. You could see Winchester’s Auto Shop from where you were. It wasn’t too far. About three buildings away from the bus stop. You just hoped that John wasn’t going to be there. Not if you were going to go in. You definitely weren’t up for another fight with one of the Winchester’s.

 The front door of the auto shop was mostly window with Winchester Auto Shop painted on it in red and black window paint. You pulled it open, hearing the ding of the bell shortly after. There was carpet set down, leading to the front desk where a blonde woman sat. You took a deep breath, finally taking a step forward.

 “Hi there hun, what can I do for you?” she greeted you with a smile. You looked down, reading the name Ellen on the metal bar sitting on her desk.

 “Hi,” you smiled at her. “I’m here to see Dean.”

 “Ah yes! You must be Y/N,” she beamed. “Go right on in, sweetie. His office is at the back on your right. Just be careful. They are still working back there.”

 “They?” you dared to ask.

 “Dean and Bobby,” she told you.

 “Thank you,” you said with a soft smile before heading into the garage. It was a big space filled with a lot of different cars and tools. It smelled exactly like a garage. All the oil and metal you expected. You heard someone working on a car to the left of you. By the sounds of it, it sounded like a tire change. Nothing too extensive like you were somewhat expecting. You looked to the right, finding Dean’s office in the corner like Ellen said.

 You could see Dean from the doorway. He was sitting at his desk, writing something in a black notebook. He was clad in a pair of jeans and a snug grey t-shirt that was covered in grease spots. He was solely focused on what he was doing.

 “Hi,” you greeted him, giving him a warm smile. “You wanted to see me, Mr Winchester?”

 “Hey sweetheart,” he grinned. “Yeah, I did. I have a bit of a surprise for you.”

 “A surprise? Dean-”

 “Just, follow me before you protest, okay?” he stated. He got up from his chair, motioning for you to follow him. He lead you both to the back door of the garage, allowing you to step out first before he joined you. You saw a bunch of tires stacked up, and rims to go with them close by. A couple of scrap cars and a two door truck sitting close by.

 “What are we doing out here?” you asked.

 He walked over to the truck, leaning against the bed of it before resting his elbow on it. “I know you’re stuck taking the bus because you can’t afford car payments right now. I mentioned something to Bobby a few months ago and he came across this in his salvage yard. It’s a little beat up and it needs a bit of repair work. I figured I could fix it up and you could have it.”

 “Dean, I can’t accept this,” you breathed out.

 “Yes you can,” he nodded. “It’s going to cost me nothing to fix it up. I can even teach you a thing or two about it,” he smirked. “It’ll save you on bus money and this way you’ve at least got a vehicle to get you from point a to point b.”

 “Thank you for this, Dean. Bobby too,” you beamed.

 “What about me?” a gruff voice said from behind you.

 “Y/N, this is Bobby Singer. Bobby, this is my friend Y/N,” Dean introduced the two of you.

 “It’s nice to meet you, Bobby. Thank you for the truck. I really appreciate it,” you smiled at the older man.

 “It’s no problem. It was just sitting in the yard, taking up space. Dean mentioned that a friend of his needed a vehicle. Better use this way. It was mine for the longest time,” he told you, looking at you a little strangely. You swallowed hard, hoping you weren’t about to get another warning from yet another person in Dean’s life. “I have to say, you look a lot like your mother.”

 “Y- you knew my mother?” you cocked your head, swallowing hard. God, did everyone know your mother?

 “A long, long time ago. Way back when she was a kid on my street,” he revealed.

 “Interesting,” you nodded. “Seems like a lot of people knew her.”

 “She was a popular gal,” he chuckled. “I’m heading out now, Dean. Gonna take Ellen home. See you tomorrow.”

 “See ya, Bobby,” Dean waved him off. You heard the door shut behind you a few seconds later, leaving you and Dean alone once more.

 “You look kinda cute covered in grease,” you commented.

 “It’s a dirty job,” he side-eyed you. “Little miss casual Tuesday.”

 “I had a meeting earlier,” you told him.

 “You mean a gossip session with those girls who don’t know how to do anything else?” he chuckled.

 “Yeah, that,” you breathed out. “I guess I kind of owe you one for the truck.”

 “No you don’t,” he stated. “Not for this, Y/N. You need this truck instead of taking the sketchy ass bus. Now you can take up parking spot twenty six. Right next to Baby.”

 “Dork,” you shook your head with a smile.

 “Well, you could always give me a bit of a thank you in my office,” he wiggled his eyebrows as he made his way over to you.

 “You replace the condom in your wallet?” you asked him.

 “Fuck,” he frowned. You gave him a smile, taking his hand before dragging him back inside the auto shop. There was no sign of Bobby or Ellen anywhere as you walked straight into Dean’s office. Space was a little limited, but you could make do with what you had.

 You shut the door tightly behind the two of you before pushing him down on his office chair. You couldn’t have been more thankful that he didn’t have arm rests like your chair at work did. He was a little confused at what you were doing, and truth be told, you had no idea what you were doing. You just wanted to make him feel good.

 You threw your leg over his lap, settling down on top of him. His hands wrapped around you, resting on the small of your back. His eyes were a little darker than they normally were. You leaned forward, slipping your arms around his shoulders.

 “I’d take you right now if I had a freakin’ condom,” he muttered as he leaned in, his lips inches away from yours.

 “Doesn’t rule out all of our options,” you whispered as you wiggled your eyebrows.

 “No, but we don’t got a whole lotta space in here,” he reminded you as his fingers traced the top of your pants. “My office is kind of small.”

 “Then we’ll make do,” you winked. An idea slipped through your mind. You didn’t necessarily have to have sex right here, right now. There were so many different ways to have fun. One of your personal favourites from way back when was something you hadn’t done in a while.

 You balanced yourself on his broad shoulders, finally closing the space between you, capturing his lips with yours. They were soft and wet, and god, when he kissed you back. His kisses were intoxicating and that’s what kept you coming back. You rolled your hips against his. Holy - did it feel good. You couldn’t have been more thankful for wearing yoga pants to work. You could feel everything so much better.

 “Mhh, what are you doing?” he almost chuckled, breathing out against you. His voice was laced with that same lust that was evident on his face.

 “Saying thank you,” you growled. You gripped your fingers into his shoulders, grinding your hips slower on his lap. You could feel him hardening in his jeans, and that made you smile. It made you feel confident about yourself. That same comfortably that you had the first time you were on top fell over you once more. “You okay with that?”

 “More than okay with that,” he nodded, pecking your lips sweetly. His hands slipped down to your ass, squeezing you with just the right amount of pressure, helping you grind on him with ease. The friction of your center pressed against his bulge had you going. You could feel your slick coating your panties, making them incredibly uncomfortable. His tongue parted your lips, gliding along yours in a smooth motion, tasting you.

 Your hands made their way into his hair, feeling the softness as your fingertips grazed over his scalp. He was as hard as a rock in his jeans. God, you felt like a fucking teenager again. Making out with a guy, trying to get as close to having sex as you possibly could. Only this time, you weren’t worried about someone walking in on you. It felt so euphoric to be this close to him, but still be so far.

 “Fucking hell,” he panted, his fingers digging into the flesh of your ass, causing you to let out a whimper. His eyes fluttered shut as he bucked his hips into yours, pulling you on him. So thankful for wearing yoga pants, you thought to yourself.

 His chest was heaving, just like yours. His lips were parted, the tip of his tongue peaking passed his lips as he breathed heavily. It felt so damn amazing to feel him the way you were. The pressure against you clothed pussy brought you closer and closer with each movement.

 “God, Y/N, feels so good,” he groaned. His eyes peered open, meeting yours as he adjusted his grip on your ass, curling his fingers into your flesh. One long movement on his crotch dragged perfectly along your clit, causing you to throw your head back in pleasure as you let out a loud moan.

 “Dean!”

 His lips crashed to yours once more, his tongue sliding against yours, deepening the kiss instantly. You wrapped your arms securely around his neck, your chest pressing against his. The kiss didn’t last longer than a few seconds, the need for air becoming too much too quickly. You could taste the saltiness on his lips, a thin layer of sweat covered both of your bodies, the clothing making it that much worse.

 “F-fuck sweetheart,” he grunted before letting out a whimpering sigh. You knew he was getting close. He was making the same face as he was the last time before he came. He was panting, trying his hardest to get his breathing under control. He was fucking sexy before he came.

 “De - I’m gonna-” you warned him.

 “Come for me, sweetheart,” he urged you on. “Wanna see you come undone again.”

 Your legs began to quake on either side of his as pleasure soared through you. You let out a moan. Your fingers digging into the muscle in his shoulder, trying to ground yourself as you came. Dean’s hands gripped around your body as he bucked his hips up to yours.

 His eyes slammed shut as he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, biting down just hard enough for you to see he was holding back a moan. “Son of a bitch,” he breathed out.

 You continued to ride his lap, letting him get as much pleasure as he possibly could from it. You were over sensitive, and your panties were ruined. But you felt so satisfied. You felt even better knowing that you made Dean feel good.

 He smiled at you with his half swollen, cocky grin that had you smiling along with him. He leaned forward, pressing his forehead to yours. His nose nudged against yours before his lips pressed softly to yours.

 “Fuck sweetheart,” he breathed out. “I can’t believe you just made me come in my pants like a fucking teenager.”

 “You’re welcome,” you giggled.

 “Good thing I have a change of clothes,” he chuckled. “I gotta say, you look hot as hell when you come undone.”

 “Thank god I wore thin pants today,” you let out a laugh. “I haven’t done that since I was sixteen.”

 “I’ve never actually done that before,” he admitted.

 “Never?” you cocked your head to the side.

 “No,” he shrugged. You carefully climbed off of his lap, feeling incredibly uncomfortable in your lower region now that your panties were ruined. “I never did the whole make out sessions for hours on end when I was growing up. I’ve worked here since I was fifteen.”

 “Well, I’m glad I was your first,” you smirked.

 “Alright, how about I clean and close up shop. I’ll drive you home so you can get cleaned up and we can go out some place tonight and grab a bite to eat?” he suggested.

 “Go out?” you furrowed your brows.

 “Burgers, fries and pie. We can hang out some place afterwards,” he said nonchalantly. You were all for eating and hanging out, but you didn’t want to run the risk of his parents seeing you together. You didn’t want to endure more drama than you already had today.

 “I’m all for burgers and hanging out, but I don’t want to run the risk of your parents seeing us together, Dean. Why don’t we pick something up on the way home and hang out in my apartment. We can play video games or something?”

 “Okay,” he nodded. “But just so you know, you don’t have to hide out in fear of them seeing us together. I don’t care what they think. I told them straight up that I wasn’t going to stop talking to you, or being friends with you. ‘Sides, I’m thirty. What are they doing to do? Ground me?”

 “No, but they could stop talking to you or something. I don’t want that to happen on account of me,” you frowned, crossing your arms over your chest. “Your mom told me I wasn’t good enough for your family. I’m not going to come between you and them. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I was the reason why you didn’t have a relationship with them.”

 “My mom is a bitch,” he stated, getting up from his chair. He reached beneath his desk where he had a bag. He pulled out a pair of jeans, clean boxers and a shirt. He reached for his belt, making quick work of removing both his pants and boxers. You almost felt bad for looking at him, even though he was stripping down right in front of you. “Trust me, Y/N. You won’t be the one to come between us. It will be them that destroys everything.”

 “Sounds like you’ve got some issues with them,” you said lowly.

 “Let’s just say you’re not the only one that had a rocky relationship with their mom,” he said, pulling on the clean, blue boxers.

 “I’m sorry,” you frowned.

 “It’s not your fault, sweetheart,” he said softly. “We’ve all got our issues. Just remember that you could never destroy my relationship with anyone. I’m a big boy and I can make my own decisions.”

 “Noted,” you nodded. “I’m thinking we get burgers and pie from Jody’s.”

 “Done deal,” he agreed. “I’m down to play a few rounds of Mario Kart too.”

 “Sounds like a good night,” you smiled.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part 6 coming Sunday!

Did you like it? What was your favourite part? Any theories? Please share your thoughts with me via reblog, reply or send me an ask! Nothing is stupid! I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU! Your response is the ONLY thing keeping me sharing this story!

Dean Babes

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[astroninaaa]

Hot take a talk about technoblade:

Okay look I've been part of this fandom since August(thank god cuz i watched it all live and it woukd be a nightmare to caatch up) I bring this up cuz i want to discuss my problem with technos character. I have watched every single techno livestream that he made on dream smp and believe it or not i used to be a techno sympathiser that is until doomsday. (By techno apologist standards i am qualified to talk about his character hooray..)

Now techno like every character is flawed if he wasn't he would be boring fandom. One of his biggest flaws is being a hypocrite. That is not something you realise until you compare what he says all the time so you need to look a little deeper to realise it and i don't blame people for not seeing it.

This wouldn't be that much of a problem because that is a character flaw among with many others but the problem that his character has faced is that he doesn't develop much.

Now i hear techno apologist jump at me every single time noooo he isn't a stagnant character he has developed a lot. I am not saying that he hasn't developed at all the problem is that he has developed very little especially when you consider everything.

His goals his ideas his perception of the world what he believes him everything that makes his character him hasn't changed much and that is not a good thing from a writing perspective. Now why do i bring this up. Firstly I'm not saying this to say techno is a bad writer far from it he can be very good when he puts his mind to it. The problem with keeping a character in this state is that it's very harmful for said character first and to the story and other characters second. Look even at yourselves i can guarantee that you aren't the exact same person you were like five years ago for example because during that time you made mistakes learned from them and you grew. Just like in real life you also can't stay stagnant in fiction.

Okay so that's the main problem with technos character that he is stagnant as a character. Now this wouldn't be as big of a problem if he didn't have the role that he has.

You see techno both c! and cc! are very good at the game basically. Now why do i bring this up. The reason why i bring this up is bc of where this places techno whuch is at the very top of the chain don't try and seny it. This means that he is one of the most powerful people on the server if you are going to try and go against this point just look at lmanberg guys that's living proof of how powerful and how terrifying he actually is. I know a lot of you are gonna say but every can get stacked or play the game but you guys forget that even if you are stacked you just don't have the skill and cc! Techno of the best people when it comes to that which bleeds into his character. Saying that is like looking at the upper class than looking at the lower class saying just get rich like it doesn't work like that.

Because of his role techno is literally the 1% by rl standards which means he can a lit of things free of consequences bc no one can give him said consequences. The butcher army was ig an attempt at that but they failed miserably let's be real here.

Because he is in the 1% is incredibly skilled at pvp and can do anything bc no one can challenge him this places him on a pedestal and creates a power imbalance a very big one at that.

And that leads to his biggest problem he has practically everything as said by Techno himself and is never challenged, but that's not an interesting character. An audience gets tired for a character that always wins or loses. Because if it happens repeatedly it just takes all the suspense oh he will win immediately. He will go and slaughter them problem solved. That's it every time. Something that techno himself confirmed is then when he has a problem he just stabs it (both of these were said during the egg stream).

And if you are going to bring the things he went through to say he's changed don't cuz as long as he doesn't act on it it means nothing. Like examples Red festival killed tubbo an ally. Traumatic experience right? This is a good moment to develop his character and give us more insight. What happens? Techno tries to dismiss it and shows us his anxiety and gives us insight on his character Great! Character development? Starting to question himself just a bit or any sign of that event having an effect on him? Nope! Why? Cuz he doesn't act on it instead he tries to hide the fact that ever happened and changes to a different topic bc there is no justification there and he knows it. Nov 16th c!technos pov he just got betrayed caused some damage wished death upon his former allies and left. Quite a dramatic scene. He feels betrayed time for some good old character development. Him thinking about himself and his actions. Reflecting on them. Great moment! Problem: literally everything that shows this is done off camera and now suddenly he's retired... Okay you know what fine it's alright he would probably expand upon and did a timeskip to explain the ling time he didn't stream. I see where it's comming from. The butcher army ge gets hunted down bc actions have consequences techno and you can't just run away like that not after doing that. Great point from the butcher army. Go give him some consequences his character needs it. And then he gets executed alright a bit too far but i guess that's how it goes in this server. Techno gets his life back immediately.. well that was a bit pointless but alright a cool scene for the animatic fair. Then he kills quackity.. the butcher army lost.. this.. what? But this was the moment of consequences... and quackity didn't get it back like techno the butcer aemy lost more than techno what? Moving along he teams up with tommy aannnd the 50 withers are up and ready of course you didn't fully retire what was i expecting. And now team up with tommy perfect way to learn about dream and give more insight on lmanberg and how dream is a tyrant and everything techno is supposed to stand against. The green festival tommy chooses tubbo over techno techno feels betrayed understandable.... and then he teams up with dream lmanberg is destroyed and the underdogs are beaten to the ground loose everything they ever worked for and are taught to be scared of the anarchists?!?!?!?!

Okay now hold up a sec I'll have to stop you right there. What. did. you. just. do. Cuz there is a limit to the amount of stuff you can let a character get away with. The line was crossed months ago this is not good at all.

Also what are yoi guys talking about consequences. Lives? All 3 home? Right there pets? The ones that died were the ones he brought expecting to not live he brought them there on purpose so they don't count. He is one of the most wealthy peoole on the server (no one beats ranboo lol) what did he exactly loose? Friendships? Was that all the hardships you guys have?

Lmanberg lost their home their lives their wealth their pets their friend everything they loved and lived for everything they stood for they lost a part of themselves in the end.

Look at the last 2 paragraphs and how imbalanced that is. How are you guys blind to this How?! And why did doomsday happen? Because the butcher army failed. And if anything techno proved them that they should have punished him harder with this.

So what was the lesson of doomsday?

That you shoukd obey the people on top and never go against them or you will loose everything you love.

Great lesson guys this is exactly the lesson the rich class and every single tyrant tried to teach society and this lesson is being told by the anarchist great job....

Do you see the problem now. This is the reason techno needs a consequence bc if he keeps going like this he will become a Mary Sue. And that is a horrible direction for a character that has a lot of potential. That potential is why i liked his character that much in the beginning but now it's almost non existent. Anyway I'll end this now cuz this went on for too long. That's basically my opinion on it feel free to share your thoughts.

okay. okay. i read this like three times bc. because look

i agree in some very specific points, but i disagree in very broad manners.

(this entire......... essay is all /rp and /nm!!!!)

anyways. send me hot takes!!!

i like c!techno. i personally think he's one of the most fun characters to watch because i enjoy the mess, the crazyness, the chaos of it all. watching doomsday through c!tommy's eyes was painful. watching doomsday through c!techno's eyes was just so fucking hilarious and exciting and fun. he's just a fun character to watch. he's just Funny. i am a fan. however

for starters: ctechno is, 100%, out of the park, an stagnant character. he has little to no development throughout the story. we see no changes in how he acts. that's not necessarily a bad thing, but considering the type of character he is, watching him develop (be it to an actually full-fledged villain or towards a redemption arc) would be ideal to keep him a character people can actually support.

i wouldn't say he's a hypocrite. c!techno has a very strict moral code and he follows it with no hesitation, with no doubts. the point is that his moral code is flawed and skewed. that doesn't make him a hypocrite, that makes him someone with bad morals.

calling c!techno "the 1%" is a stretch. for one- c!ranboo has as much resources, if not more, as c!techno does. he has dozens of totems, thousands of emeralds, and probably has one of the higher counts of diamond and netherite on the server. why is that never brought up? because it doesnt matter. c!foolish has so much gold and diamonds and netherite and just everything, really, and it's also never brought up/a reason for people to be afraid of him. the dream smp isn't a capitalist universe, there's no "1%". specially bc there's, like, i don't know, 20 players? that makes c!techno 1/20 OR 3/20 if we count c!ranboo and c!foolish. but that's not the point at all: the point is that ctechno is feared bc he's skilled and has a relevant personality, not bc he has resources. c!wilbur has no shit and he's still terrifying, there's no character willing to oppose him. not because of resources, but because of who he is. when c!techno first fled from l'manburg into "retirement" he had no shit either, it took him a while to be rich again. no one attacked him either way.

why, you ask? bc he fought against c!quackity with a fucking pickaxe and won. that's why. c!techno doesn't need resources to be feared. the power imbalance doesn't come from his resources, it comes from others’s fear. and they have a reason for that fear, bc c!techno hasn't been defeated yet. that has nothing to do with "upper class" and "lower class". because, one, not a capitalist system and class disparity isn't as simple as that, and two, even without his "riches" he still wins, bc he's got the skill. if you take out the skill, him being rich means nothing and he wouldve been easily killed by the butcher army or c!tommy or whoever decided to kill him. a good example is, once again, c!ranboo: if he wasn't friends with everyone and someone decided to actually fight him like was done with c!techno, he would've died. easily. being rich in the smp is relative.

c!techno will be challenged when we have a character strong enough to challenge him in a way that matters. it's important to be smart about it. that's why i'd love to see, out of everyone, c!philza turn against him, but that's a how other discussion (WHICH I'M WILLING TO TALK ABOUT.......... everytime i make these and i add little point i dont elaborate on and then say i'm willing to talk about them and no one ever asks me to <//3 PAIN /nm /lh).

i do think he's a character that just Always Win in narrative ways and that's very frustrating. he does need to get pulled a few notches down. again, that will only happen when we have a character that can step up to him and challenge him in a way that matters (woooo c!philza you want to hold c!techno accountable for his bullshit so bad woooo........)

now, onto c!techno's trauma. he doesn't need to show it. he- he doesn't. that's........ not how trauma works, and that's one of the points that make his trauma so forgettable for the viewers. c!techno is, from inside out, a character that hardly shows his emotions, but that doesn't mean he doesn't display symptons of trauma. he does, they're just a lot more subtle than other characters's. that doesn't mean he doesn't have any or that he isn't affect by it. c!techno is, in a lot of ways, a lot like c!tubbo: both of them don't mention the shit they've gone through and don't react to it and bc of that some of the viewers don't see how important some traumatic events were in their characterisation. that's why you analyse those characters's trauma through behavior, not through easily seen displays of trauma.

i do think it's taken a little too far with c!techno. the way he reacted to c!tommy's death was...... disappointing, to say the least. c!techno is an underwhelming character in many ways. as said before, it's because he's stagnant. that definitely needs to be worked on.

about the syndicate? yeah, no. theyre not teaching others to fear them. others just Do That bc of their history on the server, but they have literally talked about how they want to better their reputation, bc they don't want to be seen as murderers or oppressors in any way. are they flawed? yes, very much. they have no indicators of what is or isn't a government and they show no regard around the importance of a difference between an oppressive and a democratic government.

they had no right to show up at c!tubbo's door and interrogate him, because they can't appoint themselves as government police. for starters, that's not how anarchy works (they should've had everyone's permission for that. they obviously don't), but also it's just... stupid. it makes it seem that they're trying to boss everyone around so that they live like the syndicate wants them to, which goes directly against the syndicate's own ideals. however, c!techno thinks he has that right. he thinks this is what he's supposed to do. he's just following his moral code - his moral code is just deeply, deeply flawed. what he says and what he does contradict each other but not for him, not to his interpretation. to his interpretation, he's following his strict moral code.

what happened at doomsday was horrible and c!techno has to be held accountable for it, yes, but, again, no character knows how to work around c!techno enough to hold him accountable for it. that's not c!techno's fault.

l'manburg just deserved better, honestly, but to be fair c!techno has been taken advantage of time and time again (sometimes purposefully, sometimes not) and he's fucked up in the head, god bless LMAOOOOOOO

i agree that things need to change otherwise he's just gonna keep being a stagnant character who can get away with everything. i do think he has more to him than meets the eye, tho. meh idk that's still just analysis!!! we have no way of knowing the intent behind c!techno's characterisation, at least not for now. i hope for the best tho cc!techno don't let me down <3

[bokutoskneepads]

Some of my favourite HQ FanFics (without any Major Character Death)

JUNO

By: perennials & majunju

Astumu x Hinata

Fantasy/Royalty AU

A simply beautiful piece of written work. With is gorgeously poetic writing style, it will drag you along as the (very well-y plotted) story unfolds. Has a proper use of foreshadowing and plot twists that will leave your with that ‘OH!’ moment when all the puzzles pices fall into place. The chemistry between the two range from flirtatious banter to ‘I will give up my life to save you’ and many points in between. This is the kinda work that inspires you and motivates you to go and write something of your own (or at least it did that for me). Go read it now!

Leave Me Your Stardust

By: starlitcities

Iwaizumi x Oikawa

God & Goddess AU

When I was in that mythology/gods fic reading phase, it stumbled across this. Oh boy is it good. Centered around a chaotic god who becomes a little too interested in humans than he should be. He stumbleds a cross a human who seems to be unlike any other he had seen, and he become a little too interested in him than he should be. But he’ll worry about the consequences later.

Duel of Fates + Shadow of Greed

(Everything You Fear to Lose series)

By: SuggestiveScribe

Iwaizumi x Oikawa

Star Wars AU

If you like our Haikyuu boys and you like Star Wars, you will like this. Once I started I could not stop. This story places you in a place where there relationship is tarnished. Leaving you hints and pices here and there you quickly figure out the background story. Then with this knowledge in hand and your reading the last few paragraphs your heart breaks. Then you find your way to the second work, and you understand everything. Then your already broken heart shatters. It’s a fun experience.

Your Summer, My Fall

By: oujitino

Tsukishima x Yamaguchi

Collage & photography AU

Starring emotionally confused Tsukishima and punk photographer Yamaguchi, Tsukishima reluctantly acceptes a modeling gig and it was definitely not because of the hot photographer. The relationships between the characters are so dynamic and makes it fun to watch. And don’t even get me started on the well written sexual tension between Tsukishima and Yamaguchi. So. Good. This was another fic that displays wonderful creativity that motivates me to go out and get creative.

You’d Fit My Lonley Arms so Perfectly

By: boxofwonder

Daichi x Suga

Called the wrong number AU

Ever called the wrong number and been so terribly embarrassed? Not me b/c I don’t call people. Hahahah. Well that wasn’t the case for Suga who was so mad at his oven that he had to call and rant to his friend about it. Accept he actually didn’t call his friend, but he didn’t find out that fact until after the excessive rant. This fic will have you laughing until you are crying (my cheeks where so sore after I finished reading). It is so funny and so sweet and so wholesome. With a very awkward Daichi and a eccentric cat owner Suga and a lot of overthinking, nerves and a possessed oven, every interaction will leave you smiling or laughing (mostly both). It’s he perfect cure to any sadness, whether inflicted from real life or a really sad fanfic you decided to read at 2a.m.

Sometimes Second Is Best

By: perilouslips

Bokuto x Akaashi

18+

If you appreciate Akaashi, you will appreciate this work. This is probably the best representation of Akaashi I’ve seen in any written work so far. When Akaashi doesn’t get his fill of ‘kissing practice’ after a game of drunken spin the bottle at training camp, he heads off to bed with Bokuto. Accept they end up in a janitors closet with Akaashi getting far beyond what he was expecting. Is a wonderful work of poetic eroticism (witch is something not often seen in the fanfic community). This work does a suppressingly amazing job mixing its lyrical writing style with closet sex.

[shiftytracts]

Stop Wanting More, part 1 of 2 (T/M/A fic)

In which season-four Jon tries to quiet his hunger for live statements by gorging himself on paper ones, and Daisy tells him what she used to do when she got shaky between hunts. Part two here.

…For almost ten thousand words (~5.1k in this half, ~4.3 in the other), beeeecause of course I did.

Content warnings:

Disordered eating (mainly of the statement variety, but mentions also the literal kind)

Nausea, and brief descriptions of prior vomiting

Brief but not-ungraphic description of Jon’s (canon) Boneturning incident—so, injury, very mild body horror

Vague discussion of Daisy’s passive suicidality (in part two)

Animal cruelty and death: Daisy talks about hunting rats for sport (in part two)

—

Jon paused the tape recorder, closed his eyes, and tried to breathe. A statement’s second-to-last page was the hardest to get down. The dull ache that had begun under his ribs twenty minutes before now stretched down far enough to converge with the one in his stiff hips. His pulse throbbed in his stomach; he could feel it swell and recede beneath his hand with every beat. Nausea boomeranged up from somewhere under his navel. He reminded himself he could stop for now, finish this later—and, as always, that thought made him feel even colder than the sludge of other people’s fear pooling in his stomach. With his free hand Jon pressed Record again, and turned to 0101702’s final page. Oh, god, there was barely anything on it. Just the rest of this paragraph and then one more. He kept his eyes on the page, didn’t stop speaking its words, but fumbled blindly for another statement with his fingers.

“Knock knock,” Daisy said as she entered. “Christ—you’re still recording?”

In a flash Jon folded his hands on the table, sat up a little straighter, tried to suck in his gut. “Er—”

“Thought you said you were gonna do one more.”

“I’m almost done.”

“You’ve got another one right there.”

“I…” he considered I’m sorry, but then she’d say For what. “I don’t know what to tell you. It is my office.”

“Yeah, and your home,” Daisy scoffed—“and mine. Sort of.”

“D—did you want…? You’re welcome, to. Sit down, or….”

She did, on the arm of his couch. “I know, Jon. That’s not what I meant.”

“Okay.” To show he’d meant his welcome, Jon pushed his chair back from his desk and turned in it to face Daisy. Hopefully she’d remember he couldn’t ask What did you mean.

“I mean, don’t pretend this is work. How many statements have you had today? You don’t think that one can wait til tomorrow?”

Seven? Or would this one be eight. Jon forced himself to exhale out the portion of gut he’d been holding back since she arrived; it hurt too much to keep sucking in anyway. “A lot. I’m just.”

“Hungry, yeah.”

“Even when I’m stuffed I’m hungry.” He snarled a laugh, and set a rueful hand over his stomach like a fig leaf.

At first he’d tried sating the hunger with garden-variety food. That didn’t help much. Way back when he’d first transferred to the Archives Jon had fallen back into the old habit of forgetting to eat—which, yeah, not great, but, it did mean he remembered well how amazing it used to feel to cram down even a stale biscuit after too many hours’ inanition. All the hidden notes he’d found in yogurt and dry toast. He even remembered tearing up once at the taste of a banana, early in 2016. Before that he’d been sure he didn’t like bananas; afterward, for a short while he’d eaten one nearly every day, hoping vainly to recapture the ecstasy of banana after 14-hour fast. No luck, of course. After a few weeks he’d concluded he still didn’t much like banana as final course of healthy lunch. He’d especially disliked peeling them: how sometimes the stems bent without breaking, and the more times you tried the warmer, softer, more flexible they got. How little strings of peel still clung to the banana after you peeled off its main body, like static when you pull off a jumper. Or like the lint it leaves behind on your shirt. And the way bananas bruise, like people do. All these vestiges of its previous life—reminders it had lived to feed itself rather than him.

Since the coma, all people food—er. That was, all food intended for human consumption—tasted like that chase after a faded spark. Cloying and mushy and… organic, reminding him too much of the garden it came from. And the way it landed in his stomach was far worse. The original banana, the one Martin had pressed on him in the Archives in April 2016, had gone down like nectar, ambrosia, manna from heaven, &c.; the ones afterward, like an unwanted dessert always does. (Cloying. Mushy. A biology lesson mildly tapping its watch.) These days, though, eating regular dinner on a stomach empty of other people’s trauma felt like trying to fill up on cake. Not like cake after fourteen hours of nothing; Jon was pretty sure his 2016 stomach would have welcomed that. But like cake at dinner time. When you’re expecting, you know. Dinner. It gave him the brief, fake-seeming energy of a sugar high, and made him sick before it made him full.

Especially when he was otherwise ailing, for some reason? After Hopworth he’d treated himself to a lie down and a sandwich. The rest had helped, but he’d squandered most of the energy it gave him on the effort to keep the sandwich down. At that moment nothing, not even the coffin, had scared him so much as the thought of what it would feel like to throw up when you had only ten ribs on one side. He hadn’t expected losing them to hurt, at least not for long—had expected the rib to flow out of his skin into Jared Hopworth’s hand like an ice cube through water, which in retrospect was stupid given the testimony of Mr. Pryor in statement 0081103, but he hadn’t had time to reread that one beforehand and at the time Jon remembered only that Hopworth didn’t break his victims’ skin when he pulled out their bones. Turned out that wasn’t much comfort: he’d still had to break the ligaments attaching Jon’s ribs to his spine and chest. It had felt like a bad dislocation (four of them, technically), only instead of the feeling of bone pressing on things it shouldn’t there was an equally violating sense of tissue wallowing in holes that shouldn’t be there. He’d had this horror that if he were sick the flesh would crumple and pop where his ribs used to be, like when you try to suck the remaining water out of a near-empty bottle.

A few months after that he’d caught cold. (A point in the still-human column, Daisy had called it.) You know the first day or two of a cold, before the encroaching mucus takes out your ability to smell or taste properly, how innocuous olfactory phenomena like cheddar and laundry soap suddenly become Bad Smells, on par with the olive bar at a posh supermarket? Well, in a similar way, this one seemed to sharpen the dichotomy in his body’s opinions of people food and monster food. His lack-of-ribs had mostly healed by then though, so either vomiting with only ten ribs on one side did not cause the anomaly he’d feared, or, if it did, it hadn’t hurt enough for him to notice it in the cacophony (pucophony?) of other sensations.

(Daisy liked to play on words, so he’d been doing it more lately. This project the Eye seemed happy to help with, though in this case the suggestion arrived in his mind at the exact same moment as a reminder that, technically, the word cacophony can apply to sensations other than sound only by synecdoche.)

And then, a few weeks ago, when the whole Archives went down with norovirus… well, it wasn’t a fun time. He’d at first mistook the lethargy, weakness, trouble concentrating for signs of hunger—the new kind of hunger. Ms. Mullen-Jones’ statement about the Divine Chains cult hadn’t seemed all that bad, when he’d first recorded it. Scarier than if he’d read its events in a novel, of course; that was just how statements worked. He experienced them more vividly than stories, though less so than the events of his own life. (Because the people they happened to thought they were real! he’d told himself when he first took this job. It’s empathy, that’s all. Nope, sorry—evil magic.) When he read a paper statement these days, though, the knowledge it wouldn’t give him nightmares never quite left him. And he’d thought he was growing desensitized to the kinds of horror most people came to the Institute to report. Coming back up, though—maybe it was the fever, but god, the visions he got on that statement’s way out, of Agape and the soft, sticky hivecorpse of Claude Vilakazi’s followers—the way it made the donut he’d shoved down that morning (in a show of team spirit, god help him) come back up tasting like rotten rice wine—it was worse than the dreams. Worse, he could have sworn, than even the first time he ever dreamt Naomi Herne’s empty graveyard.

While hanging over the bowl of the Archives’ toilet waiting to see if he’d got it all up or if there was still more to come, Jon remembered thinking again of the banana Martin had given him. A few days earlier Daisy had made him watch the video of the I don’t understand this meme and at this point I’m too afraid to ask man vore-ing a banana; Jon had confessed to her, in a conspiratorial whisper-laugh, that for him vore itself had been one such meme until that very second, when the Eye had seen fit to inform him. But when applied to a banana, the term apparently just meant eating it peel and all. In 2016 Martin had broken the banana’s stem and pulled back a section of peel before handing it to Jon, so as to brook no argument. Was it really the banana itself he’d cried over? Not the gesture of friendship, when Jon deserved it so little? The thought of someone caring for him enough that when he got hangry at them they handed him a snack. Martin had been living in the Archives then, like Jon did now. Sleeping in Document Storage—a guest in a room owned by pieces of paper. Those bananas may have been the only thing that felt like his.

A Guest for Mr. Spider was about vore, technically. Not an uncommon topic in children’s literature. Some surmised that was where the fetish came from, though others maintained kinks like that were inborn, and the stories merely alerted their hosts to them for the first time. Red riding hood, three little pigs, little old lady who swallowed a fly. The Leitner touch was only the part where he drew you to his real-life lair and real-life ate you.

Looking back, that was probably the first thing he’d ever admired about Martin—how easy he’d made it look to skin a fruit. Not at the time admired, of course, but in those weeks afterward, when every banana Jon ate made him claw at the peel til his finger joints throbbed.

That stomach bug had struck the Archives with serendipitous timing, though. If he’d not found out how thin abstinence from the Hunt had made Daisy on the same day he’d barfed up a statement, Jon might not have pieced together what their combined evidence meant. Until then he’d put down his own post-coma weight loss to the fact he rarely ate more people food than a donut in twenty-four hours. Lots of avatars were scrawny, after all. Jane Prentiss, Mike Crew, Justin Gough, Annabelle Cane, John Amherst, Simon Fairchild. Jude Perry and Jared Hopworth could mold their respective fleshes however they wanted, so he didn’t count them as exceptions. True, Trevor Herbert’s bulk had struck him as odd; surely a homeless man wouldn’t waste cash on food his body no longer wanted. And what about Breekon and Hope? Did butterflies and a quartermaster’s pen and tongue sustain them? But maybe, Jon had told himself, it was like with alcohol. Maybe the avatars with more flesh on their bones had worked to develop a tolerance for (air quotes, heavy sarcasm) people food, for the sake of their physiques, or. So they could, he didn't know, eat socially? Without feeling sick, like Jon did whenever one of the others brought donuts.

Preposterously stupid, this theory seemed in retrospect. The truth was much simpler. It was like Jude Perry’d told him. She was strong and he was weak, because she fed her god with her actions, while Jon’s had had to resort to eating his flesh.

He wasn’t going back to live statements! That wasn’t an option; he knew that. He couldn’t feed his god with his actions. But he could have more paper ones. Maybe they were like the candles poor Eugene Vanderstock used to bring Agnes—the ones she’d sat over for hours. Hours and hours, inhaling the suffering that made them. They’d kept her strong enough, right? At least in body. All those people in charge of her care, all so much in her thrall—if she’d looked hungry one of them would’ve mentioned it in a statement.

During Jon’s school days, back when he was still trying to learn how to be a girl, this brief window had opened up right around age thirteen where the girls around him had enough self-consciousness to start developing eating disorders? But not enough to keep them secret. Thirteen had been this phase of, like, I’m a teenager now, see? I’ve got the teen angst now—SEE?! Where after they’d finished the day’s maths assignment, or while setting up microscope slides, one could overhear girls swapping self-harm anecdotes and tips for how best not to eat. Anne, whom he’d been almost friends with, went through two packs of chewing gum a day for a while. She would shove three or four sticks at a time in her mouth, then spit them back out into their wrappers as soon as they lost their flavor. Eventually they made her sick, and she switched to chain-sucking butterscotch discs. (Most artificial sweeteners, as the Eye now informed him, had mild laxative properties—including those used in gum.) Other acquaintances had brought comically large thermoses of coffee to school every day, and scurried to the toilet between classes. But it was another polyurious crowd that Jon kept thinking of, these days—the kids who would chug water every time they felt hungry. Trying to fill up on paper statements felt just like that.

He’d never understood that urge until now. Hunger was already a bad sensation; why would it help to add the further bad sensations of nausea and stomachache and cold? But now it made sense: feeling better was not the point. The point was to stop wanting more. He couldn’t get rid of the hunger, exactly—not in a way that mattered. Not the shards of glass in his belly, not the itch in his esophagus like a finger tapping behind his gag reflex, not the way simple motions like soaping his hands made his whole body ache. Not the sharpening of his senses to such a fine point that he jumped whenever Thérèse in the office above him shut her desk’s sticky drawer. (He hadn’t known that was what made the squeaky noise until a few weeks ago when the Eye decided he might like some office gossip. Even now he didn’t know which of the faces he sometimes passed up there belonged to Thérèse. She had no statements to make.) Nor the fog in his mind, though he tried sometimes to blame that on the Lonely. He couldn’t sate his hunger with paper statements—couldn’t make himself full, in the rosy way we usually connote that word. All warm and carefree and pleasantly sleepy. But he could cram the hole inside him with enough stale horrors that the temptation to chase down a fresh one momentarily left him.

And that was the new plan—to stuff himself with paper statements.

Tomorrow would mark two weeks since the day he’d first tried it. Brian from Artefact Storage had a statement to give him, Jon could feel—either Stranger or Spiral, it was hard to tell quite which. Something that caused paranoia. Not a great fit for that department. Good fit for a temple of the Eye, Jon supposed, remembering Tim and Michael Shelley. But Artefact Storage? God help him. He wondered if Elias had done it on purpose, hiring a paranoid man to work in a room full of objects that wanted him hurt. If so it must’ve been this one—this purpose. And on Wednesday mornings Brian manned the place all alone. Poor soul was already clinging to this job by a thread, though (so, Web…? That could cause paranoia too, as Jon well knew). Surely if Jon made him relive his trauma that would break it. Though perhaps that’d be a mercy. And but besides, two weeks ago Melanie had still lived here, and sat all morning between Jon’s office and Artefact Storage. Until she went to lunch. But by that time the woman whose laugh Jon could sometimes hear through the walls (Pooja, the Eye had since told him her name was) would have joined Brian. And it’d just be too weird, too risky, to go in and ask him about it with a third person in the room. Even if it wasn’t also evil.

So he’d read 0132210—the statement of Sierra Talbot, regarding a swimming pool whose depth changed every time she entered it—in hopes that’d make him quit thinking about the paranoid man down the hall. It didn’t, not really; paper statements didn’t take up as much of his attention as they used to. But he couldn’t get up and walk to Artefact Storage in the middle of one. When he finished and still couldn’t think of anything but Brian, he dug out another statement (this one from 1938, regarding a bad penny). Just to keep himself chained to his desk til lunch. And then a third (Liza Ho, attack of the killer seagulls). And by the end of that one he felt too heavy and cold inside to want to go anywhere but the couch. It made his stomach swell until it hurt to sit up straight, and the thought of shoving anything more inside made him feel sick—exactly like chugging water every time he felt hungry.

Basira had said maybe the Web just wanted to keep them so afraid of their own impulses they sat and did nothing so they couldn’t be puppeted. Maybe she was right. He’d never felt more like a spider, with his weak, skinny limbs and bloated stomach. Lying on the couch massaging other people’s horrors into more comfortable shapes inside him. Thank god he’d already given up tucking in his shirts, when he came back after the coma. Jon had worn the same trousers for three days in a row, now—shucked them off at the end of the day, hoping if he left them on the floor that’d convince him they were too dirty to wear again, and then slipped them back on over clean boxers in the morning. They were the only trousers he had that stayed up with the button left unfastened.

(Technically, the noun bloat refers to the feeling of weight or tightness in the abdomen. To describe a belly which has expanded beyond its typical size, one should use the word distended. Though these phenomena can occur separately, most people conflate them under the single word bloated. This trivia had seemed worthless when Beholding told him of it. But now he knew better. Every morning he woke up feeling like he’d had his whole torso replaced with the aching void of space, empty but for silver glints of pain that were the stars. And then he’d look down and find his belly still distended.)

Melanie and Basira didn’t know—at least not officially. They both seemed to have noticed how much more often lately they’d walked in on him recording, but Jon was pretty sure they suspected him less of bingeing on statements, more of pretending to record so as to avoid talking to them. He welcomed this misapprehension.

It was also possible they knew but declined to comment, since. Well, it was kind of a pathetic habit? Physically, a bit pathetic. Morally, though, such a big improvement over compelling statements by force that maybe they figured they ought to let him have it. If so he should be grateful, he reminded himself. Their pity, after all, was humiliating only in principle; Daisy’s teasing and concerned questions embarrassed him in practice.

“Enough navelgazing,” Daisy scoffed, but when Jon looked over at her he could see a smile creeping its way onto her face. “Look—finish the one you’re on, then come over here and I’ll. Tell you a story.”

“I—what?”

“Don’t know if it’ll count as a ‘statement,’” she said, with air quotes; “not much fear in it, more just.” She looked at the floor, then shrugged. “But it seems worth a try, yeah? Might make you feel better.”

“I-I, er. I really shouldn’t?” He meant in case it had a taste of human blood effect, but set his hand on his stomach again in hopes she’d think he meant he was too full.

“Yeah, you should. I want you to hear it.” Daisy shrugged again. “Think it might do you good to know.”

Jon turned back to his desk, unpaused the recording and wrapped up the statement. He’d quit bothering to record end notes on most of these—told himself he could add them in later, like he used to when he’d first taken this job. How proud 2016 Jon would have been to see how many statements the 2018 Archivist got through in a week.

He paused for a moment before standing up, to take as deep a breath as he could manage when stuffed full of paper. The end of that statement had gone down easier, since he’d had that few minutes’ break talking to Daisy, but he still didn’t love the idea of standing and walking. Especially since he knew once he got to the couch he’d be glued there by fatigue. If he didn’t pee now, he’d spend most of the night far enough into sleep to be paralyzed, but not far enough to numb his bladder. He excused himself to Daisy, promising to come right back. Then hauled himself up, with help from his cane and one arm of his chair.

Six limbs it took to maneuver this body now. Two more and he’d’ve gone full spider.

Three quarters of the way to the bathroom—that’s how long it took before the ache in his legs outpaced that in his stomach. He arrived on the toilet seat shaky and out of breath, as always. Months ago he’d given up standing to pee. When you sat you could rock back and forth, and cross your arms tight over waves of quease.

Not much came out, as was also usual lately. As far as Jon could tell, his body now required only enough water to keep his mouth from drying out while recording. Dehydration no longer made his head hurt, so, why bother. Good thing, too, he supposed—the last two weeks he hadn’t needed much non-metaphorical water inside for his body to parse that as needing to pee.

He let his trousers stay pooled around his ankles until after he’d washed and dried his hands. Then pulled up his shirt, to judge from his reflection whether they’d stay up with the fly undone. If he kept his hands in his pockets, yeah. Could you tell the difference, visually, once he put his shirt tails back down? Not for such a short distance. They wouldn’t have time to get disarranged.

It didn’t matter; Basira didn’t even glance at him on his way back, and all Institute staff who didn’t live here had gone home.

Jon opened the door to his office, said hello to Daisy but didn’t manage to look at her, and sat himself down on the other side of the couch. From the corner of his eye (or someone’s anyway) he saw her rise to her feet. “I’m gonna pee too,” she told him, picking her way toward the door; “get yourself comfortable, like you’re going to bed.”

“Where will you sit.”

“I’ll squeeze in.”

“I don’t mind leaving room for—?” Finally he made himself look up at her, in time to see her shake her head. Daisy hadn’t been strong on her feet either, since the Buried; she held herself up now with a hand on the doorjamb, elbow bent so her shoulder leant against that wrist. He regretted quibbling. “Never mind; I’ll just.”

“Really? You’re comfortable like that? You look like a sheep in clover.”

The knowledge came to him before he could ask her what that meant—complete with a nasty visual of what happens in cases acute enough to require rumenotomy. Jon swore he could feel himself swelling to accommodate this tidbit. His eye twitched in discomfort.

“Think I prefer ‘windbag,’ if it’s all the same to you.”

She made a face like that was grosser than what she had said. “You ruined my joke. I was gonna say I won’t let you have any more leaves til you look less like you might explode.”

“Sheep in clover suffocate,” Jon frowned; “they don’t explode. You must be thinking of how they cure them when—”

“Leaves. In. A. Book, Jon. That joke.”

“Oh. Yes, I see.” He made himself chuckle.

Daisy sighed and shifted on her feet. “I’ll be right back. Just lie down, alright? Like you’re going to bed.”

Jon agreed to lie down, but couldn’t decide whether to face the wall (as he would to sleep), leaving her to slide in between him and the back of the couch the way she had a few times before when she’d walked in on him catnapping, or whether he should lie on his back, where he could see her as soon as she opened the door. It was important to make sure she knew he appreciated her offer to give him a statement. Or, no—to tell him her story, he meant.

Ultimately he picked the latter course.

“You sleep like that?”

“Sometimes."

“I’ve never seen you sleep like that. You always face the wall.” Daisy crossed her arms, blew hair out of her face. “That for the tummy ache, or for me?”

“Uh….”

“Would it hurt you to face the wall.”

“No, I just.”

“Turn around, then. I’ll squeeze in,” she said again.

“I-if you’re sure.”

He rolled onto his side, gritting his teeth as the cramps in his stomach swirled in new directions. What made it slosh like that, he wondered. While he fought to regain his breath Jon watched Daisy climb up onto the back of the couch on shaking elbows and knees, then avalanche down hands- and feet-first so she fit between him and its cushions. He’d never watched her do this before—always either startled out of a doze at the sound of her thumping down next to him, or simply woken up to find her there.

“You’re just like the Admiral,” he informed her.

“True words spoken in jest,” muttered Daisy. Too quietly for him to hear what she said over the couch’s tortured creaks, but half a second after she finished speaking the words appeared before his mind, in white, all-capital letters with a black background like closed captions on the news. “That’s Georgie’s cat, right?” she said aloud.

“Yes.”

Her knee jostled the cap of his; when it made him gasp she snarled under her breath. “Sorry. Can you move your leg?”

“Yes, it’s fine, just—”

“I mean would you move your leg.”

“Oh.” He did so.

“Thanks. Ugh—you’re cold,” Daisy accused him; “where’s that blanket.” He pointed behind her to the arm of the couch where it lay folded. She shook it out, and draped it over both of them. Reached around behind him to make sure it covered his whole back. Jon tried to ignore the way his stomach lurched every time Daisy’s weight shifted against the cushions. Finally she settled next to him to catch her breath. Their foreheads touched; her stomach pressed into his, though not as tightly as the last time they’d lain like this. “Can you breathe or am I crushing you?”

“Not at all, you’re fine—in fact, if the couch cushions are chafing you too much you can—”

Daisy huffed, and scooted herself in closer to him. “That better?” She set her warm hand down right where his belly diverged from pelvis. Jon tried to keep both voice and tremor out of his exhale. Since the coffin, Daisy’s hands and feet suffered at night and after any exertion from the same excess of heat his sometimes did. So the cold inside him probably felt nice on her hand, if not to the rest of her.

(Like snuggling up to a hotel mattress, she’d described it, after the first time she joined him for a nap when he’d just had a statement. Cold, hard, covered in lumps and dents, and creaks when you roll over on it. “I’d prefer you didn’t,” he’d replied, while praying her elbow wouldn’t come any closer to the crevasse where his ribs used to be.)

“Christ you’re stuffed,” commented Daisy. For emphasis she lifted her fingers, then set them back down on his gut.

“I don’t know what you expected.”

“You won’t pop if I tell you a story?”

“Not literally,” Jon said, blinking.

“Of course not literally,” she scoffed; “you know what I mean.”

“Do I?”

“Will it make you sick. Don’t want you throwing up on me; this is Melanie’s shirt. If you ruin it she’ll hit us with her cane, and I don’t trust you to hit as hard back with yours.”

“Mine’s shorter and thicker,” he mused. “I don’t have to hit as hard.”

“Stop. Avoiding. The question.”

Jon sighed to show her he capitulated. Then thought about it. He felt cold and sick, but the idea of saying no to a statement made those feelings worse, not better. And the sharp clusters of pain in his belly were harder to sleep through than quease.

“I’ll be fine,” he decided. “It’ll help.”

“Alright. When you’re ready, ask me what I used to do when I got shaky between hunts.”

--

Read part two here.

[firemblem-fics]

SFW alphabet. | seteth

-> Pairing: Seteth x GN!Reader

-> Warnings: None

-> Genre: Fluff, Headcanons

-> A/N: this was chosen by a poll on my discord server except i gave no context in the poll so this is for y’all :) also uh im sorry if i’m not active in the next week, i rlly just had the absolute worst nervous breakdown ive had in a long while LMAO so uh ya might stay away from the internet for a while

warning, long post.

A -> Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

with seteth, affection STAYS private. it will never ever be displayed out in the open, especially not around the students. he prefers to keep personal relationships out of professional life

when he does show affection, though, it’s super slow and gentle. he always hugs you from behind and just sways side to side, pressing little kisses against your temple and cheek while you lean i to his embrace and close your eyes.

B -> Begin (How did the relationship begin?)

it didn’t really have a solid beginning. you just kind of wormed your way into seteth and flayn’s hearts unknowingly. when he asked to court you, you were super super hesitant because you didn’t want to replace his late wife. he assured you that she’d want him and flayn to be happy and that she’d 100% approve of you.

you still have your doubts, but seteth is always there to reassure you.

C -> Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How do they cuddle?)

cuddling is saved for nights or early mornings on a day off. seteth is always itching to get up and get things done, so it’s a little on the tougher side to get him to stay. eventually he caves and lays in.

you cuddle facing each other, your head tucked underneath his chin and his legs entangling yours. his hand that lays underneath you plays with the ends of your hair while the other rests gently on your thigh, which is hiked over his hip.

D -> Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How good are they at cooking and cleaning?)

seteth’s thoughts rarely every go astray, but when they do, he imagines what life would be like, just retiring from the monastery and living a nice life with you. he’d like to settle down eventually, but not any time soon

he’s super good at doing his part in chores and duties! of course he is, but he’s very very reliable and does things when asked. it’s nice

E -> Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

he would sit you down and explain his reasonings and such. it hurts him, definitely, but he does well at hiding it. until you leave his office, that is.

F -> Fiancé(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quickly would they want to get married?)

not any time soon, as said earlier. seteth really will not stop his obligations towards the monastery and to fodlan. he wouldn’t have time nor would he want a very extravagant wedding, either. a simple ceremony would suffice.

G -> Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

physically, seteth is the epitome of a soft, romantic man. his touches make you melt and he’s always trying to keep you comfortable and happy. if you’re content, hes content.

emotionally, not as much. seteth has trouble sympathizing with some things. he’s used to pushing his feelings aside for the sake of fulfilling a duty or doing something, so he struggles sometimes to understand why someone else can’t do the same. give him time, though, and he’ll get better at comforting

H -> Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

seteth’s hugs are firm and warm. they’re always like a passionate embrace, as if it would be the last time he’d ever touch you

seteth really enjoys hugs and physical affection with you, but as i said earlier, it’s always behind closed doors. sometimes he calls you to his office just so you can sit in his lap while he holds you.

I -> I Love You (How fast do they say the L-word?)

NOT fast. seteth is kind of in denial that he even had feelings for you at first until flayn pointed it out, so it’s rather hard for him to wrap his head around the fact that he loves you.

he does say it first though, as you’re half asleep, making you wonder if you even heard it correctly. you did.

J -> Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

seteth doesn’t get jealous, really. there’s really nobody around to even like, make him jealous. he knows that a bunch of weird ass teenagers like sylvain aren’t going to actually come in between his and your relationship. honestly, most people in the monastery probably don’t even know that you’re both in a relationship.

if he is jealous, he stays relatively nonchalant about it, asking you to help him with a task somewhere else to take you away from the person

K -> Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

seteth’s kisses are very loving and passionate. every single one of them are full of adoration, even the little pecks. they never fail to warm up your entire body as everything melts away around you

he loves to kiss your neck. not just for more intimate reasons, but because he absolutely adores your giggles as his beard tickles your skin

this only happens when your relationship has been going on for a while, but seteth really enjoys it when you kiss his ears. they’re super sensitive and they always tinge as red as his cheeks when you kiss them.

L -> Little Ones (How are they around children?)

seteth is super good around his own child, of course, but he doesn’t so so hot around other children. theyre often too rambunctious for his liking, but he’ll tolerate them enough to entertain them sometimes.

M -> Mornings (How are mornings spent with them?)

three words. soft, soft, and soft

you usually either wake up in the same position that you fell asleep in, or you’re spooning. seteth’s always the big spoon, no acceptions. if you’re spooning, he kisses your shoulders and the back of your head until you wake up enough to turn over and give him an actual kiss.

N -> Nights (How are nights spent with them?)

also soft, but a little less.

seteth is always so busy during the day that when he lays in bed, he falls asleep almost instantaneously. if you want to stay up and talk or cuddle, he’ll try his hardest, but please don’t be upset with him if he accidentally dozes off. he’s a hard worker

O -> Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything at once or wait to reveal things slowly?)

this depends on who you are. if you’re the professor, you more than likely already know everything by the time you get in a relationship with him

if you’re not, then he trusts you enough to catch you up on most things in the early weeks of your relationship. sometimes there’s a little tidbit that he may have forgotten to mention in the talk that comes up later on, but that’s really it

P -> Patience (How easily angered are they?)

seteth has the patience of a saint

hehe

but no, literally. very rarely does he get irritated or impatient with you. you know how he is and know how he likes things to happen or be done, so you do them. kind of like in the Domestic headcanon, he does his part so you try your hardest to do yours. he doesn’t ever have a reason to be impatient with you and is actually rather understanding now that he knows how you function as well

Q -> Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

seteth remembers everything. literally everything. you’d think in his 1000+ years of life, he’d be an old ass man with shit memory, but no. to seteth, you and flayn are his number one priority and he’d never forget a thing about yall.

R -> Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

seteth’s favorite memory is when he accidentally walked in on you hanging out flayn. you two weren’t doing much other than reading and talking about your books, but it warmed his heart to see his two favorite people bonding

S -> Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

insanely protective, but like in things that matter. if you’re doing something that could get you hurt, he’s in defense mode trying to get you to safety. if you’re in battle, he’s sure to always know where you are just in case.

he’s not one to appreciate being protected- he feels like he failed to protect his people in the past, so to be the protected instead of the protector makes him a little iffy- but he’ll always admit that he needed the protection and will always show his gratitude

count how many times i said protect in that second paragraph wow

T -> Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, etc?)

seteth is romantic. he’s not much for physical gifts, but the memories and sentiment and feelings are so real and present that you really don’t need material things to know that he loves you

of course he does give you gifts, like a pretty bouquet of flowers that he saw in the greenhouse, or a necklace or something from the market that reminded him of you

U -> Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

seteth tends to forget to slow down and take a break every once in a while. he’s constantly finding tasks to do around the monastery and doing things to help rhea that he often neglects his own well being. you always remind him and try your best to help him out, but he never really breaks that habit

V -> Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks? Do your looks bother them?)

seteth is rather concerned about how he’s seen in the public eye. how could he not? he’s a very prim and proper man. this, however, doesnt extend to you as much.

he doesn’t expect you to dress up to the nines every day just to be seen around him or whatever. he may be like “darling, are you sure you want to be walking around the monastery in your pajamas?” but the minute you’re like “hell yeah” he lets you be.

W -> Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

this is a tough one, because i feel like seteth would do just fine on his own and would still feel relatively whole. but there would always be like this tiny little sliver of him that constantly misses you when you’re not around

X -> Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

seteth has a secret, super playful side that only comes out when you’re alone in your shared bedroom. he likes to play wrestle you and mess around just to hear your laugh and see you smile.

Y -> Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, in general or in a partner?)

in a partner, seteth wouldn’t really like someone who’s obnoxiously loud and blatantly disrespectful. it’s one of his biggest pet peeves and he wouldn’t date someone like that.

this doesn’t pertain to people who like, don’t realize their volume or is disrespectful to someone who deserves the disrespect, though. he doesn’t like just overly rude and jnconfiderate people who are like that for no reason

Z -> Zzz (What’s a sleep habit of theirs? Does it change around a partner?)

seteth is the lightest sleeper in the history of the world. he’s always on guard for something to happen. i dont blame him, but sometimes even the littlest bumps in the night wake him up almost completely. don’t ever try to sneak out of bed because chances are, he woke up from you just opening your eyes.

if anything, this habit becomes even more prominent when you start sharing a bed with him. he’s just afraid of losing you is all 😃

[tosikoarts]

SFW Alphabet | Tsurumi Tokushirou

Wow, this one seems to be the apogee of my writing.  You can check tosikowrites tag for more. Warning: there’s a lot under the cut.

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Finally, a man who knows what he is doing. Tsurumi is a sly devil but he also got a taste of love, and those two points combined made him a danger to anyone he puts an eye on. The entire 7th division holds their breath watching how skillfully First Lieutenant pulls the unsuspecting victim into his snares.

Understandably, his main weapon would be the art of word. Tsurumi knows how to keep dialogue entertaining; moreover, he is well versed in complimenting his favorite person. He murmurs sweet nothings into their ear in public and in private, under the sergeant's condemning gaze and right under the nose of the jealous Second Lieutenant. Tsurumi does it wisely though, avoiding Usami’s uncontrollable obsession.

Gallantry is his middle name. As soon as they appear on the horizon with a bag or a stack of heavy books, Tsurumi miraculously finds himself next to them taking all of their stuff in his hands. Always accompanies them on the way home, from time to time pleases them with a small bouquet of lavender, moves the chair away from the table so that they sit down. At the same time, his gestures and moves, all looks natural like Tsurumi has been born with it.

Oh, also, he likes to spoil his loved one, pamper them without any limits. If they want to take a picture together, he will hire a western artist to paint a portrait of them. If they want a bar of chocolate, he will order to find the best dessert chef in Hokkaido. This is not his constant behavior, but Tsurumi quite often goes over the board with his affection.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Let’s be honest, to be best friends with Tsurumi you have to be at least no stupider than him and, better, even a little bit smarter. Otherwise, he will treat the person like another pawn in the game. Mind is a measure of strength, and those who are weaker than him do not deserve more than condescending attitude.

His best friend has to be patient and steadfast as a tin soldier: the hole in the head and lack of a brain piece deprived the First Lieutenant of poise so he is prone to outbursts of unwarranted violence. He may jokingly threaten to bite off their nose. Likewise, he may introduce them to the general madness of his division in the face of Usami or Nikaidou. They just have to deal with the crazy without going bonkers themself.  

In addition, they have to have a wide range of interests or be willing to learn new things. Tsurumi is the one to offer to go to horse race, win (or lose) some money, and, without delay, go to the nearest theater. His broad knowledge in various areas makes it possible to boast in every possible way on every possible topic and he expects his best friend to keep the conversation going. Of course, his favorite topic is war and weapons so they must be familiar with it.

The advantages of friendship with this remarkable individual are: respect in all circles he is in; initiation into his plans or most of them; life will seem a lot easier than before since obstacles become suspiciously fewer…

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He has a weird desire for them to look into his face while cuddling. To be mentioned, Tsurumi takes off his enamel head plate in private and it works like a magic: his expression transforms into one of person who has been gone for too long, who was yet to see the horrors of Russo-Japanese war. So, Tsurumi likes to keep them on his lap, hands placed on their thighs or waist, and talk, talk, talk. For some reason avoids spooning: if they try to spoon him, he will slip away from their hands, turn around, and plant a gentle kiss on their forehead.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

It’s complicated. Considering his past with Fina, the whole idea of settling down evokes the unconscious resistance in Tsurumi. Grand plans for hidden gold are the one thing that interests him at the moment, or this is what he convinced himself in. Even in the case of having the most suitable partner, Tsurumi will choose treasure hunt over binding relationship. Same goes for children. His henchmen are his kids, his hellhounds, his creations that he nurtured with distorted version of love and adoration. It is unlikely that he has even a little healthy parental affection left. Great at making desserts, mediocre at cooking overall, doesn’t care about cleaning and leaves it to the partner.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Break-up can go different ways.

In the best case scenario, Tsurumi acts like a gentleman until the very end. On the designated day, he invites a partner to a quiet place and makes sure nobody disturbs their conversation. Even if it happens in the barracks, all soldiers are strictly ordered to stay away from the First Lieutenant's office. There are two cups of a soothing herbal tea on his table as well as dessert associated with them. In calm steady voice Tsurumi explains why they have to break up and how it would be inevitable in the future if they choose to stay together for little longer. In the end of his speech, they feel almost like they initiated this break-up and Tsurumi just conducted their thoughts like his own. It is harmless and easy break-up with no hard feelings after all.

Other options aren’t that innocuous. He can easily make up a kidnapping scheme to remove them from the sight. It may or may not be violent, may or may not leave them traumatized. In the worst case, Tsurumi with heavy heart will give the order to eliminate them and hide all signs of their existence. It is a pity that one cannot erase the marks left on him and his life.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

As mentioned in the previous paragraph, formalizing a relationship is far from the first thing on the Tsurumi’s To-Do list. His partner can try to hint at marriage but he will either completely ignore it or adroitly dissuade them from such stupid undertaking. In a relationship, he remains faithful despite the absence of some fictitiously important pieces of signed paper.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Well, even if he is gentle in any variation, this gentleness carries a sadistic undertone. Tsurumi’s physical affection borders on pain and it is impossible to tell if his vulnerable moments are a theatrical performance or not. He can laugh endlessly, kiss their fingertips and bare knuckles, purposely tickle their neck with his long eyelashes or handlebar moustache but the very next second a predatory grin distorts his face, sending thing in darker direction. Only God knows what is going on in his head, really.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

A truly romantic hug so often shown in films and described in books: his hand rests on their waist, pulling them closer, and other hand catches theirs as if in a slow dance. Each time the distance between him and his partner becomes less and less, but what remains constant, it is a subtle smile and piercing gaze of dark eyes. When in a cheery, exclusively friendly mood, Tsurumi likes to give the partner a tight bear hug or a short greetings-like hug with resting his chin either on their shoulder or on the top of their head.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

It takes years for Tsurumi to say “I love you” out loud. About 3-4 to be exact. Either because he cannot call his feelings real love, or because he does not want to let them ease off. Confession imposes the stamp of some kind of completeness on the relationship and it isn’t fun at all. In his speech, the magic three words are replaced by softer analogues like “I really like you” or “Aren’t you my sunshine” so his partner does not put much thought to why Tsurumi avoids confession. Oh, one hundred percent the day he finally chooses to confess will be an anniversary date. Expect a day dedicated solely to satisfaction of his partner’s desires.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Oh no no no, please, we don’t have that much space in the cemetery. Flirting with Tsurumi’s partner is like playing Russian roulette with five bullets in cylinder – highly lethal game of chance. After spotting unlucky admirer, Tsurumi tries to identify them and dig up as much information as possible. Their fate depends on it. If it's some kind of midge, a cockroach, First Lieutenant forgets about this situation pretty fast. He doesn’t want to deal with such squalor anyway. If this is a more serious figure, Tsurumi may want to teach them a lesson how rude it is to encroach on someone else's love. Probably pulls a couple of strings to get them into some kind of trouble. Get them fired, discharged, robbed, assaulted, whatever. At the same time, he doesn’t even mention them while talking to the loved one.  

Provoking Tsurumi to jealousy is just as dangerous. His actions are not as radical as in the first case but his partner will have to learn that this is not an acceptable behavior. It is hard to imagine how far he can go though, methods may vary from simple manipulation to straightforward psychological abuse. The latter is the last and the least appealing option, which Tsurumi won’t use unless he is forced to.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Sometimes you just wonder where he learned all these tricks with his tongue. Tsurumi is a playful skilled kisser with excellent flair to where and when to apply fine knowledge of French... technique. Bites are not uncommon either. He has a habit of marking his loved one so everybody around knows who they belong to, and at least one hickey has to flaunt on their neck to keep him satisfied. Tsurumi prefers to kiss his partner wherever they want to be kissed, especially if they ask nicely, and to where to be kissed… a straight line from razor-sharp cheekbones to the notch between the collarbones is a great start.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Stranger’s kids are terrified of Tsurumi. Little ones burst into tears as they notice his wide smile, and those who are a little older stare at him with confusion. Teens try to stay away from this man since he fits the stranger danger statement very well. Thus to say, Tsurumi isn’t fond of being near children and prefers to pass the buck to the subordinates. If we are talking about his own (highly hypothetical) kids that is another story: they get the best of the best, they are spoiled rotten just like his partner. Of course, as kids grow up, Tsurumi switches to the carrot and stick approach spoiling them only as a reward for good behavior. Not that bad around children, really. It's not his fault that he fits the description of Boogeyman.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

On rare days when Tsurumi decides to spend the day with a partner, he never rushes. Those mornings are complete opposite of his usual mornings: they are slow, lazy, maximally filled with intimacy. No one is in a hurry to get out from under the blanket and if his loved one tries to sneak out, Tsurumi deftly catches them by the waist and drags back. I think it is clear that he is immensely touchy in the morning hours. The rest of the time is spent in a kitchen over a cup of green tea, in lively conversation on a variety of topics. No, he is not going to leave the house until the late noon.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Get ready for experiments and new experiences. Have they ever tried horseback riding? No? Good, he will be their teacher. Calligraphy? He will help to put their hand on a brush correctly. Nyotaimori or nantaimori? He will ask either Koito or another twunk to serve as a model. Tsurumi presents every evening date as a surprise that will not leave one indifferent and still he somehow manages to not overstep the bounds of decency. When their mood doesn’t fit his own adventurous impulses, the choice falls on a more classic pastime like late night walk or dinner date but there is not much that can be said about it.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

His partner won’t hear a bit of personal information, a single bit, until Tsurumi is one hundred percent sure that they are here to stay. Until then, he will feed the partner common unremarkable phrases which cannot compromise him in any way. Even after this, a lot of uncertainties remain: Tsurumi seems to describe events only in positive or neutral light, avoiding situations that obviously carry a grim implications. For example, not a word will be said about Fina or Olga and even if partner witnesses him fiddling small bones in his fingers, Tsurumi will make some fable up. Revelations happen but it is not something they will have a chance to get used to.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Easily angered but pulls himself together in the blink of the eye. His malice usually spills out in a form of nervous thrill so it is rare to see Tsurumi screaming his lungs out or getting into a fight. In a relationship, he puts on a mask of an eternally patient partner so his loved one won’t even guess about his anger issues.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Liar is obligated to have a great memory, do you get where I’m coming from? Now only he remembers what his partner has to say but also somehow knows what they hide from him too. If the information seems to be of low priority, Tsurumi immediately forgets it. Like what is he supposed to do with the fact that theirs first dog was called Akira? Best of all he remembers theirs crucial ups and downs both to establish the emotional connection and have some control levers in the future.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Difficult question. Not any of “first experiences”, not anniversary. Probably, the first time he introduced them to the group of closer soldiers like Tsukishima and Co. For the first time Tsurumi decided to “show off” his partner in the headquarters just to establish a clear boundaries between himself and subordinates. Of course, he was well aware of the risks and consequences but chose to do it anyway. The reaction of some was quite expected: Koito's face expressed unpleasant surprise and qualm, he couldn’t switch back from Satsuma dialect and when it finally happened, there were more awkward pauses than comprehendible words; Usami screwed up his eyes as if he was evaluating a competitor simultaneously deciding on the best method to eliminate them. Nikaidou didn’t really cared. Kikuta did neither. Tsukishima’s reaction was the most adequate of all: he politely bowed, mumbled words of courtesy, and got back to his routine. However, on the way to the office he decided to warn them that lovely Tokushirou might differ from their expectations. At the end, Tsurumi was extremely pleased by the flaunting and gave them opportunity to choose how he will thank them for the shown patience.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Tell me, who in their right mind would want to provoke this man? Like, who? His very presence is enough to scare any foe away, not to mention how lethal his overprotectiveness can be. Tsurumi is great at managing resources to make sure his partner is okay: there is always an armed invisible observer in the city they are staying in, sometimes they are sent letters in which Tsurumi takes interest in how their days are going, etc. On the other hand, in moments of real danger, his subordinates are those who take care of his loved one: soldiers are obliged to protect them since Tsurumi usually holds a leading position rather than actively participates in the dirty work. Has no need to be protected, however, partner’s impulses to do it are always met with tender emotion and sincere drawling “aww”.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Tsurumi has an enviable ability of being seemingly the most caring and charming man in the world without even trying. He is natural in wooing, it feels like the whole world is on his side: if he forgets to buy a present for the anniversary (which never happens, may I assure you), a hurrying seller will be selling cute necklace at discount price. Whenever he decides to go to another city with his loved one, there will be a festival or celebration. To be fair, Tsurumi does put efforts in the relationship and keeping his partner happy. He just has it easier than most of your common men.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

His own motives and desires will always be prioritized over his partner’s. It is reality that they just have to deal with. If his partner feels confident in enough, they can try to fight Tsurumi with his own weapon - flattery, ruse, and equivalent exchange, - but success still entirely depends on his mood.

Military career implies long partings with the risk of never seeing the partner again. For the person who cannot live without their loved one’s physical presence, relationship like this will feel like living hell.  

To mention something more lighthearted, Tsurumi is constantly surrounded by subordinates that have questionable… adoration towards him. It asks for deep dive in military psychology, workplace psychology, and additional peek into sexual psychopathology but you get what I mean. Usami gets off talking about how First Lieutenant will be upset with him and, probably, will punish him, okay.

Tsurumi is shady man overall, damaged both physically and emotionally, he is missing a piece of the brain and it is already a long list of reason why one should think twice before getting in with him.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Tsurumi actually cares for his looks. He takes his time to shave the moustache and goatee just the way he wants it to be, thoroughly washes the hair twice a week, keeps the head plate clean by wiping it with wet cloth and disinfecting with alcohol. The main reason of his concerns is desire to look presentable and influential, not a banal narcissism. Does the face scar bother him? When there’s nothing to occupy his mind – yes. Tsurumi understands how drastically it changed his overall look and sometimes regrets what happened but what is the point of overthinking unalterable? Right, there is none.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Break-up is a huge deal in the sense that Tsurumi's reaction could be anything. Unpredictable. Up to monstrous consequences. The safest option would be drop everything and run away since he won’t chase them to the end of the world. Yes, he would feel betrayed and fueled with anger but whatever, it is not the most important thing on the agenda. Sooner or later their paths will cross again and it will be the chance for Tsurumi to show his disinterest. You know, this “I am a bad bitch, you can’t hurt me” style. Direct confrontation leads to a passionate interrogation on why they decided to leave. Is there anything he can do to prevent them from such imprudent step? Does their relationship lack anything? This conversation quickly escalates into preparation of feelings during which Tsurumi scrutinizes all their ins and outs. If they successfully survive this psychological torture mixed with all kinds of manipulation – congrats! – they are allowed to leave. Now he has left his mark on them, on their heart and soul, so they have to carry it wherever they choose to go.

In the case of their death, Tsurumi grieves. How does a man like him grieve? Through sublimation, of course. To stop thinking about the time spent together, he pays more attention to treasure hunt. Tsukishima unobtrusively plays the role of a First Lieutenant’s personal therapist, listening to his pensive monologues, but it doesn’t make any difference. Just like his Sergeant, Tsurumi has difficulties with experiencing repeated loss, and second time feels even worse than the first one.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Remember this clear liquid oozing from under his head plate? It is actually сerebrospinal fluid that provides mechanical and immunological protection to the brain. Constant leaking of CSF leads to a condition known as orthostatic headache: this type of headache intensifies while person is standing and eases when lying down. Tsurumi has extreme headaches after his excited leaks that are usually weakened by general thrill. Once agitation excitation wears off, he becomes incredibly irritable and searches for a quiet place to lie down. The one person who knows about such side effect is Tsukishima. He has saved a dozen of lives already by preventing fellow soldiers from talking to resting First Lieutenant.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He has specific requirements for his environment and a list of traits its members have to lack.

For example, curiosity did kill the cat. People by his side should not pry into his personal business unless they want to get bitten. It is dangerous for them, for Tsurumi, and for plans he has built, so his partner has to either be incurious or keep themself in check when it comes to bunch of stuff.

Freedom-loving and willfulness are the worst enemies of manipulator, no wonder that First Lieutenant looks for someone submissive. Guess, for those achieving high ranks, powerplay is an integral part of social interaction.

Ah, but at the same time, lack of personality makes Tsurumi yawn. Such people do not provide the kind of entertainment he is looking for and it is natural for him to overlook them in the crowd.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Sleeps suspiciously well for a person who bites people’s fingers off. Brain injury left him dreamless for the rest of the life so as soon as Tsurumi’s head touches the pillow he immediately goes into a deep sleep. His sleeping schedule is nothing special too. Obeying the laws of army life, First Lieutenant wakes up early at the same time very day and goes to bed no later than 10 pm. Lies on the belly with arms straight up along the body. Without the head plate, obviously.

With the advent of a permanent partner in his life, Tsurumi’s sleep became more restless. Now he feels way too energetic, tosses and turns in bed, and cannot find a comfortable position in the bed. Since most of the time they still sleep apart (he has a reputation to maintain, blah-blah-blah), Tsurumi has to take a walk to blow off steam and get rid of swarming thoughts. Sometimes it does not help at all so he rushes to their house hoping to find peace in their arms. And so it happens. Tsukishima has almost come to terms with the frequent absence of the First Lieutenant in the mornings. However, Koito is not that happy about it and keeps bothering sergeant with questions to which he has no answer. Poor young man.