#see i’m more open ab this now bc i’ve outed myself lol

[padfootastic]

H E L L O jfp-eyes pen (thats your new name btw)

i know its a little late but my mind keep going back to it and i also talked about a similar issue w several other people on here since and i was wondering if you can/want elaborate on what you said about this:

"like, u want potters to be desi? it’s not just the cute clothes and good food and linguistic differences u need to keep in mind. there’s so much more where it comes from, including several practices that will be considered highly objectionable by this rigidly judgemental crowd."

((i am v v interested but no pressure to answer this, i totally get if you dont want to get into this discourse))

dani—you’re gonna pull me into the desi potters discourse one way or the other, eh?

so. i’m not sure how much sense this’ll make because it’s like…half-baked thoughts but my problem with this scenario actually stems from a more macro, general trend i’m noticing in fandom behaviour. for some reason, puritan culture & veiled conservatism is coming back in the guise of progressiveness? and that’s leading to a lack of critical thinking in these spaces & randomly attributing buzzwords to things out of context bc u don’t have more than a shallow understanding of it.

which means that that comment was directed at a very specific subset of fandom that decided that idk ignoring the Bad Things & Flaws would somehow make them cease to exist. let’s only take the most ‘exotic’, fun aspects even if it’s a completely one dimensional reading & run with it. they wouldn’t be able to tell u what desi is beyond the barebones.

so, you’ll have people vehemently arguing that the potters can’t be anything but desi and white james is gross and i’m just like—why. why are u, as a non-desi person, so attached to this headcanon that you’ll ridicule real people for it? and then their attitudes as well. the incest thing, for example. there are communities in india that marry their first cousins—if i write a story tomorrow where james marries his mother’s imaginary brother’s daughter, then depending on how i HC him, that’s perfectly culturally acceptable (and desirable). if i write a story where euphemia and fleamont use corporal punishment for him, and he takes it super lightly and jokes about it, that’s also fine. (which is a direct contrast to how the western black family & sirius’ abuse is treated). there’ a community in india where the man ‘drinks’ from his mother’s breast, publicly, at his wedding to symbolise the last time he’d be her son before he becomes someone’s husband. another where a new mother can’t feed her son until her sister-in-law washes her breast thoroughly. caste is something that’s not even touched upon. it’s so complicated. but how do u think it’ll be received by most of the desi potter crowd if i actually do write any of this? will i be praised for my ~representation or called out on twitter for being a freak?

and that’s really where i get annoyed. the attitudes most of this crowd hold does not have any space for cultural subjectivity, what is ok to them has to be universally ethical. there’s no way other cultures do things their way and if they do, it’s barbaric/backward/problematic etc etc. pseudo-colonial, like i said.

(disclaimer: i want it to be made very clear i’m not demanding people nclude this stuff in their fics. i’m well aware of how escapism works, being the premier advocate for it. im just saying it won’t hurt to be mindful of these facts, that this is a whole culture that’s ridiculously diverse that doesn’t just exist for the sake of people’s headcanons)

and this isn’t even going into the cultural nuances of how desi families work. you can’t bring in american/european individualism & have james move out at 18 & write everything transactionally & do everything the way u would for a white character but only pay lip service when saying they’re brown ykno? when u say they’re a certain identity, there’s so much that comes with that. and if u don’t include any of that, then it really just makes me wonder why u want a brown james—feels like ego appeasement and falling to peer pressure half the time tbh.

another important thing for me is that so much of this crowd intersects with the ‘fandom is activism’ crowd and i just. fundamentally disagree with those people. and find their words/actions incredibly performative. by which i mean, the way they treat real people—people from the communities they’re adopting as HCs for their beloved characters. there’s this…hypocrisy, yeah? what i mentioned above, about how if i wrote some culturally different practice, i’d probably be attacked. they don’t want desi potter, they want white-lite potters that is palatable to & tailored for their own constitution but in a form that they can pass of as ‘oh look, my characters r diverse which makes me Morally Good and i can use that to shit on others’.

i think my problem is just that i don’t like it when people use the identity headcanons to portray themselves as being inherently better because they have ~equal representation. fandom is not a government institution—lateral visibility & membership is not a prerequisite to wanting to write about x and y fucking or going on a date or hugging or having a conversation. making a marauder group where each character—functionally an OC—is from a different community (often w/o considering how intersectionality works) for the sake of saying ‘oh i have a x in my HCs’ does not make u some radical leftist, yeah? and i strongly dislike people who pretend it does.

[iwaisa]

request. trynna think of a request for u rn 🧏‍♀️ how ab tsukki w a best friend who’s so grade conscious bc ppl have high expectations of them n one day she breaks down bc she b afraid of failure n he’s like .......ok ill comfort them bc theyre my best friend but im also secretly in love w them trope😝 definitrly not because this reminds me of a certain someone who is not myself and i definitrly dont need to hear this😭 - @tsukisemi​

a/n. sue you are a GENIUS I LOVE YOU AND YOUR BIG BRAIN. i absolutely adore best friends to lovers/childhood friends to lovers tropes they make me so happy ugh once again THANK YOU

► now playing...

- pairing. tsukishima x female reader (pronouns not specifically stated, but there is ma’am lol)

- warnings. make out session! lol oops. suggestive content

- word count. 1.8k+

it was a friday evening, and you found yourself studying at kei tsukishima’s house. again. no matter how many times you tried to convince him to do other things while hanging out in the warmth of his bedroom, he always insisted that academics came before baking and movies.

the two of you have been friends since your last year of junior high, after yamaguchi was too busy looking up at his tall companion to realize another figure was about to collide with him. the two of you made contact with the ground, before jumping up to apologize quickly.

tsukishima found himself instantly infatuated with you - you were gorgeous. your breathtaking eyes, the way your school uniform seemed to fit just perfectly, the way he imagined your smaller hands and fingers slotting in between his - he was absolutely intrigued. yamaguchi would say love at first sight, the taller male would call him ridiculous.

the three of you instantly clicked, with you and yamaguchi being the more talkative ones of the trio. tsukishima acted as a parental figure, scolding you two constantly for doing things you weren’t supposed to.

upon overhearing a conversation with sensei that you would be heading to karasuno for high school - the same place tsukishima and yamaguchi were planning on going - he let out a breath he never knew he was holding in. he continued listening to sensei urging you to plan on going somewhere more academic based - like shiratorizwa or fukurōdani. you put it simply that you would rather go somewhere more balanced. sensei was hesitant before he approved of your plans.

you had always been good at doing homework and classwork, but you weren’t so good at taking tests. they intimidated you, making you worry that you would end up receiving something lower than a B+. tsukishima and yamaguchi knew of course, since the two of you held frequent study sessions at each others’ houses. this tradition carried on even when the three of you made it into karasuno, just not as frequently due to the boys’ volleyball practices.

today, however, yamaguchi was helping yachi teach kageyama and hinata english since tsukishima blatantly refused. the two of you headed back to his house, and instantly began flipping through your textbooks. he was quietly scribbling words and numbers on his papers, seemingly flying through assignments. you were sat on his bed, stuck on one section in particular.

“why the hell is ap chemistry so hard?” you sighed, scratching your scalp. tsukishima turned his head to see you rubbing your eyes, which adorned deep blue bags underneath. he sighed, putting his pencil down as he walked to sit on the edge of the bed alongside you. he looked over your shoulder, reading the complex chemical equations. “you know this one, l/n. you got it.” 

you shook your head quickly, “no, i don’t tsukki. i have no idea what i’m doing and sensei literally didn’t even teach us this. see, this is why i’m glad i didn’t end up going to an academy because this would be ten times harder. i hate that people are always assuming i can handle this with ease. i can’t.” you finished, blinking back tears.

tsukishima sighed, rubbing his eyes underneath his glasses before readjusting them to focus on the question. he began rubbing his finger over the numbers, slowly explaining each process. you were surprised he was being kind, but you didn’t want to take this soft moment for granted. you simply nodded your head, hurriedly scribbling down what he was saying in your notebook.

“tell you what,” he turned, looking into your eyes. “if you can do these next four questions by yourself, i’ll give you something i’ve been meaning to for a while.” you tilted your head, “tsukki, my birthday was months ago.” he chuckled, getting up to sit in his chair, which was now facing you. “i’m aware.” the two of you stared at each other for a while, before you turned your attention back to your textbook.

using tsukishima’s explanations and whatever strategies you learned from sensei, you flew through two of the questions with ease, getting stuck on the third one. tsukishima explained once more, telling you to use a different equation for the next two. you nodded, finally understanding.

the next two questions were hard to figure out, but you finally got through them. you placed your pencil in between the crease of the pages, looking up to tsukisima expectedly. when he didn’t move, you were confused. did he just trick you into doing homework?

tsukishima gulped, attempting to calm his erratic heart and shaky legs. was he ready for this? no, he wasn’t. but even as yamaguchi said; he’s been putting this off for long enough. he knew he liked you, but had no idea just what to do about it. he knew he would be jeopardizing your friendship in some way, but tsukishima couldn’t deny that he wanted some sort of affectionate skinship to happen between the two of you.

he released his lower lip from his teeth before shaking his head. he stood up, walking towards you with slight hesitation. he plopped himself next to you, your shoulders brushing against each other. tsukishima lifted his glasses off his nose before leaning forward, pressing a quick peck to your lips.

your mouth fell open, and your eyes widened more than you believed they ever could. your face exploded with heat, and you began spewing out incoherent words. he stood up, returning to his seat. “tsukki?” you asked in disbelief. “yes?” he responded, seemingly unphased. “w-what was that?” he watched you run your middle and forefinger over your lips, “my gift.” your jaw dropped open once more, earning a rare chuckle from your blond friend. or maybe, not a friend anymore.

“if you finish the next four questions, i’ll give you another one. if you want,” his last words were muffled by the back of his hand. you smiled at the sight; tsukishima, the most stoic boy you’ve ever met, was embarrassed. nonetheless, you were going to earn another kiss from your friend, not to mention the boy you’ve been in love with for the past two years.

you were quick to pick up your pencil, reading the questions as quickly as possible. “and don’t rush either, idiot,” tsukishima jested. you stuck your tongue out at him, feeling your heart flutter as he let out a soft chuckle.

you made sure to complete each question thoroughly, wondering if you would get extra points for doing more work. tsukishima stood over your figure, eyes scanning over each question. he pointed at one, “the equation was right, but check your calculations again.” you sighed, turning back to the book. 

tsukishima bent over, pressing a light kiss atop your head, making you jolt in surprise. he staggered back holding his chin, and you stood up waving your hands frantically. he held his hand up to stop your word-vomit, letting a light chuckle escape his lips.

you pressed your lips in a line, sitting back down. you began calculating the equation once more, finally coming up with the right answer. “there you go. see? you only have four questions left now.” you lifted your chin expectedly, watching him squat in front of you. you pursed your lips as he began to lean in, pressing teasing kisses to both of your cheeks. you groaned in annoyance, before sandwiching his face in between your palms. “stop teasing,” you muttered sternly. “yes ma’am,” he joked, finally closing the distance between you two.

this kiss was a tad bit more passionate, the two of you moving your lips together excitedly. it would’ve been a make out session, if tsukishima had not pulled away with a grin. “last four questions.” he smirked at you before standing up, returning to his chair once more.

these questions were possibly the worst. there were multiple equations in each separate question, and it left you wondering why someone would ever want to major in chemistry. tsukishima watched your face contort into borderline anger, your lower lip between your teeth. he swiftly stood up, placing himself next to you on the bed. he reached his arm around you, rubbing circles into your lower back as you continued writing the wrong equations.

“here,” he spoke up finally, removing the pencil from your grasp. he began writing in a clear fashion which numbers were to be plugged in where, and it finally clicked for you. he glanced at your profile, watching your mouth fall open. he smiled to himself as he watched you solve the equations with ease, his hand never leaving your back.

you finally finished, looking up at the blond with long-awaited anticipation. “you’re eager,” he whispered, his eyes becoming soft. his gaze flickered between yours and your plush lips - the one’s he’s been waiting to feel on his for so long. and the feeling wasn’t disappointing. they felt amazing, and he was on cloud nine. a little voice that sounded like yamaguchi resonated in tsukishima’s head saying, “finally.”

the two of you began moving forward at a slow pace, until you gripped onto his shirt pulling him into you to finally close the gap. this kiss was definitely not like the last ones. this one was ferocious; two pining friends finally earning exactly what they’ve been patiently waiting for. 

tsukishima’s right hand made its way to your hip, prompting you to lay down. he hovered over you, not once pulling away. your tongue brushed against the seam of his lips, and he eagerly allowed your tongue to meet his. your hands began roaming, feeling tsukishima’s pecs. they slowly moved down to his abs, which were rock-solid, much to your surprise.

you gasped as he pulled away to press open-mouthed kisses on your jawline, moving down to your neck. your hands gripped his hair as he sucked on a particular spot that elicited a whine from your throat.

he pulled away, looking down at you with golden irises filled with lust. his gaze fell on the newly formed red spot on your neck, and he sat up pushing his glasses back to rest on the bridge of his nose. “sorry about that,” he whispered, his voice filled with nerves. “don’t be. i liked it,” you smiled, watching his gaze soften for the umpteenth time that day.

“do you like me?” he asked hesitantly. you paused, your eyebrows furrowing in mock confusion. “you know, for one of the smartest in the class, you’re pretty dumb.” he opened his mouth to protest, before you sat up to give him a quick kiss. “yes, i like you.”

his arms wrapped around your waist, pushing you back down onto his bed. “can we cuddle,” he said it as more of a statement than a question. you chuckled, wrapping your arms around his back. “can you be my boyfriend,” you pretend to mock, causing his head to snap up. he nodded hastily before burrowing his face into your chest once more. 

“i love you,” he said, his words muffled by your shirt. “i love you too, kei.” you smiled as you ran your hands through his golden locks, hearing a content sigh escape his lips.

[makeusfreefromthisfandom]

just sending some appreciation and good vibes to my people for the new year <3

kisses from me bc you all hold a very special place in my heart 💝

Also veryyy long post ahead I’m sorry I had to include everyone Aakklaksks 😭😭

@ominous-meme 🖤 sabah! You were my very first mutual on here I hope you know that! I can’t even begin on how excited I got when I found out you were a fellow desi girl and I will always appreciate you being there and advising me! <3 I love our street racing au! talks ! I’m glad I have someone to share ideas with <33

@weebsausage 🖤 dude omg!!! 😭😭😭 pls I literally forgot how we became moots I’m so sorry I have a tiny brain 😪 but I think we literally just messaged each other and started talking about free! ANYWAYS TYSM FOR PUTTING ME ON HXH I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU FOR THAT WTF ITS LIKE MY FAV ANIME EVER I HAVE BECOME HXH TRASH AJSJSJBS ❤️❤️ but other than that thank you for being a really great friend to me and I hope this year is nothing but good things for you <33

@dokifluffs 🖤 you were also one of my first moots on here! I honestly could not believe when you followed me back bc ur like my biggest inspo! 😭 you’re so precious omg I always look forward talking to you and get excited when I see a notif from you still! I hope the new year treats you well and brings good things in your life! Lots of love from me bae 🥰❤️

@syrenblubs 🖤 ah my most relatable person LOL. Omg syren ur my little bestie on here and I’m so glad we’re mutuals! I love our natsuya talks and OML THE C****** RAID! ALSJJSJSJSJJS AND DESI PARENTS AKSJJSNS. Just thank you for always interacting with me even tho I SUCK at responding 😭❤️❤️❤️ ilyyysmmmmmm

@linak 🖤 baby omg where do I even begin. Back when I had literally no one to talk to on here, you would be the one NEVER failing to send me a gm/gn message! You always bring a stupid smile to my face 😭 I’m so freaking glad that we are friends I literally cannot put into words!! Ty for always listening to me and letting me open up to you ❤️ love you always.

@croctears 🖤 vixxx ahhh!!! I’m so glad we became mutuals on this shitty app! You’re one of the highlights of my day and I love talking to you sm 😫 especially if it’s about Sou 😏😏 keep being amazing bae! Kisses mwuah mwuah 😽😽

@xakusa 🖤 Marty bby! 🥰 literally the only person I’m going to share my man natsu with 🙄 our conversations are always so RANDOM and out of nowhereeeee lollll but we also just go along with it and I love that! You are an angel and this year better be giving you what you deserve! Lots of love from my end 😽😽😽 kissies from me and natsuya <3

@cafelixie 🖤 I will keep saying this and I will never stop. YOU!!! ARE!!! THE!!! ACTUAL!!! DEFINITION!!! OF!!! PRECIOUS!!!! Need I say more? You’ve made my day countless times and I always look forward to seeing you in my messages/inbox!! Baby I freaking love you I really don’t know what else to say 😭❤️

@skippyskeppy 🖤 I will never forget the first time we interacted my Kisumi enthusiast 😙🤝 I love it sm whenever I see you pop into my inbox with a random hc about semi semi or Kisumi, Albert now too! You are an amazing person. A really amazing person. I hope you know that ❤️

@keeijiakaashi 🖤 I remember seeing your little comments under my posts before we became moots and OMGGGG YOU ARE SO CUTE AISJJSJSJS ALSO RIN ENTHUSIAST??? YES PLEASE!!! Tysm for always interacting with me and making yourself known as the ultimate sweetest person on my blog! Ilyyyyy ❤️❤️❤️

@animatedarchives 🖤 we have your fellow love of the kirishimas to thank for us becoming moots! You’re so cute soph omg 😫 I love how we literally have brainrots of the same characters LIKE MR GOJO LEECH SATORU!!! GET OUT OF MY HEAD OR PAY RENT!!! Ahh you’re irreplaceable soph! Never fail to make me smile like an idiot <33

@natsuya-enthusiast 🖤 how did we not become moots sooner wtf??? Do yk how alone I felt when I had no one to discuss my obsession of natsu with when I first made this blog 😪 AND THEN I REALIZED U WERE ONE OF MY FIRST FOLLOWERS???? ANYWAYS U ARE THE BIG SIS I NEVER HAD ALWAYS PULLING THROUGH W THAT LIFE ADVICE BAHAHAHA ilysm gaby wtf 😭😡😡😡❤️❤️❤️

@moonlitspring 🖤 do you even realize how happy I got when I realized there was another ACTIVE free! blog 😡😡 ajsjjsjs you are such an amazing writer and PERSON sky!!! You’ve been nothing but the sweetest and I hope we get to interact more this year and share our love of free! together <3

@ayumiko 🖤 laís you are such an angel! I absolutely adore both you and your edits/gifs smmm 🥰 you are so kind and I hope 2021 is also <333

@dalggina 🖤 omg??? YGO bae??? 😤😤 I thought literally everyone had forgotten ab it LOL THEN YOU CAME ALONG ❤️❤️ I’m really glad we interacted precious person! And I hope that you have a great year! ALSO YOU BETTER NOT STRESS YOURSELF OUT TOO MUCH FROM WORK OR IM MANIFESTING MR ATEM TO COME GET YOU 😡

@stormikujo 🖤 omg bby! We haven’t talked in awhile! I hope you are doing well! ❤️❤️❤️ ahhh I’m glad I got you into free otherwise we wouldn’t even have interacted 😫 I love talking to you stormi!! And I hope this year brings great things fro you! Lots of love ❤️❤️❤️

@aj-writes-here 🖤 omg hey girl 😼😼 you’re definitely one of the coolest people I’ve talked to on here for sure! Hope you’ve been enjoying hq and free! Your welcome for putting you on that simp train 😼 anyways, ilysm aj!! I really wish the best for you this year! Stay amazing as you always are, ily!! ❤️❤️

@attackonfics 🖤 wtf 😭😭 I don’t deserve you???? You’ve been nothing but the sweetest to me and also responsible for my unhealthy obsession with mr 5’2 angry gremlin >:(( jkjk but seriously, ty for the food 😌. ANYWAYS QUEEN I HOPE YOUVE BEEN TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF AND TREATING YOURSELF AS!!! YOU!!! SHOULD!!! VIRTUAL HUGS 😽😽 💝

@browsing-my-favourite-fandoms 🖤 Shizen! You are too good for this world! 😭 you are such a genuine person, you deserve nothing but happiness ❤️ I really hope that this year does that for you. I’ll keep checking in from time to time! Ilysm! ❤️

@inum4ki 🖤 sera...please...just invest in a personal guide or smth. Asksksknsjs n e wayzzz seeing you in my inbox is always so much fun! Sousuke really deserves more love and you are bringing it to the table hun 😤😤 also you’re a fellow inumaki enthusiast too??? Yes please. You deserve all the happy things in 2021 <3

@sneezefiction 🖤 Gracie!! I love how easy it is to get along with you! You are truly one of the best people I’ve met on this app and I’ll forever be grateful for our friendship <3 you give off such great vibes all the time omg giving you a huge virtual hug and here’s to more interactions this year! 🥰😽😽😽

@velvetfireworks 🖤 bbyyy!! 🥰 everytime we interact even if it’s not a whole lot, you’re always the sweetest what 😭 I love you and you’re writing so much omggg you are so talented!! I get super excited when I see myself get tagged in one of your stuff 😆 I hope we get to interact more in the future! Have a great New Years ❤️❤️❤️

@a8mine 🖤 stop being so mean to me 😡😡 !!!!!! ig ily anyways tho 🙄 you’re energy is honestly unmatched (in a good way!!) and it’s rare to meet people like that! You’re so funny omg and your random hcs and cursed discourses always have me dying 😭😭 you’re so cool hanna ily 😪✌️ <333

@giorvanna 🖤 ahh rena! Your blog and edits are *chefs kiss* I love our random semi brainrot sessions 🥰🥰 I hope we interact more in the future but in the meantime I’m sending you good vibes and lots of virtual hugs bc you deserve them queen ❤️❤️❤️

@seijohlogy 🖤 hey hey jaestar 🤩🤩 you are such a cool person??? Omg I’m so glad that we’re friends and randomly invade each other’s inboxes 😆 you are so kind! This year better be kind to you too or else 😡😡 I hope that after Ms rona decides to move her ass over, you get to go to Disneyland and take!! Me!!! With!! You!! Love you jae bae ❤️❤️

@prettysetterbaby 🖤 hey sexc 🤩🤩 no idea why you followed me but glad you did bc you are such a sweet and chaotic person!! I loveeeeee <333 I hope we get to interact more bc you are just genuinely such a fun person to interact with! Ilyyy

@datecho 🖤 yet another just genuinely sweet person! The world doesn’t deserve you! You’re so fun to interact with and a hottie??? omg shoto and kags better get off their asses rn and come get you or I will 🤩🤩 ly bae! have a great New Years! ❤️❤️

@miyasangel 🖤 we haven’t interacted much yet but ahaha talking about suna and sending my fanart to you is sm fun! Did I tell you that I also have a wip of Atsumu as a street racer? 😏 have a great year Arden bae! Kisses 😽

@aikk00 🖤 hi hi! We don’t interact on a daily or anything but when we do, omg!!! You are the most easy person to get along with 😭 you have such a good heart along with the talent???omg??? You are UNMATCHED babe! I hope this year brings you many more opportunities! Stay amazing love ❤️ ily and your art very much ❤️ I’m also still very embarrassed from fucking up the credits from last time. I’m so sorry bae 😭❤️❤️

@kurooskult 🖤 ma’am you might as well be the definition of bad bitch 😪🤝 ok but besides that, interacting with you is sm fun??? Like we don’t even have to be moots on your blog to feel just as included and loved! You are such a queen for that! Here’s to more mila x kuroo content in 2021 and he better be doing special for you as he should !!

It’s still the 31st here but THANK YOU ALL FOR MAKING MY COUPLE OF MONTHS ON HERE BEARABLE!!! This sounds like a goodbye post Oml-

I love you all very much. I suck at words, but I hope you know that. ❤️

[fanfic-me-up]

okay so i kinda got carried away with this one??? i just really love this idea and how freaking fluffy it is! so thank you for submitting it @peachy-yabbay​! 😊 also lowkey im sorta falling in love with kaminari?? like he’s so fun to write and i had a smile the entire time. anyway i rlly hope you enjoy!

Feel free to request more here. I write fics, drabbles, and headcanons 💖

Also, I have a yoga fic already posted with bakugou x fem!reader so if this doesn’t satisfy your need of bakugou being a flexible pretzel and failing you can read more here 😂

Bakugou Katsuki

THE STRUGGLE IS REAL

like Bakugou prides himself on going to the gym everyday, but he focuses on strength training and muscle building

the art of flexibility takes time, effort, and perseverance

he gets super frustrated when he can't get the splits in 2.5 seconds

“Careful or you might pull something.”

he ignores you ofc bc for some reason he thinks he’s gonna get the splits if he just - forces himself???

“seriously, Bakugou, don’t push so much-”

“Shut up I know what I’m - OW SHIT FUCKING HELL”

poor bby is on the ground cradling his thigh bc he pulled his hamstring

And lemme tell you THAT SHIT HURTS 😭

he’s literally screaming bloody murder

-like he’s faced a lot of pain from hero training but pulling your hamstring is just so. much. worse???

you grab an icyhot pack (aka you grab Todoroki lol) but Bakugou’s just like “hell no fuck off half n half”

“Must be bad. I heard you crying from downstairs-”

“I SAID FUCK OFF” Todoroki shrugs and leaves.

you roll your eyes at Bakugou’s stubbornness and grab some muscle balm instead

“Tch. I can do it myself” but you ignore him and rub the balm on his thigh, he doesn’t fight it

after that whole fiasco he finally listens to your warnings when you tell him that's enough

he’s in the splits in a little over a month!

“Oh my god, Bakugou, you’re doing it!”

“Tch. I know.”

you don’t miss the small smile on his face

he goes up to you later and shoves something in your hands

“Um. What’s this?”

“A movie ticket” you stare at it blankly, he rolls his eyes

“I’m taking you to the movies tonight, dumbass.”

“Like a date?” you stare up with hopeful eyes

“The fuck? No! As payment.”

you blink, clearly confused

“You know… for helping me with my stretches.”

Oh.

you blush in embarrassment at the misunderstanding

“I’ll meet you out front at 7. Don’t be late.” he walks off, but before he reaches the corner he stops-

“Ugh fine! It’s a date! Happy!?”

you erupt in the biggest smile

he wants to be the only one to make you smile like that from now on

Todoroki Shouto

Todoroki is impressed with how flexible you are, and you’re quite surprised when he asks you to help him

the most aloof - and handsome - guy in your class you’ve barely spoken TWO words to has come to you for help??? is this a dream? someone pinch you 👀

but there you are, the next day in his dorm, gently pushing his hips down

Todoroki’s working on his warrior/scorpion pose (ya’ll there's so many names for this pose jfc the one where you’re standing on one leg, back arched, and you’re holding the other leg above your head)

he’s sweating and breathing heavily, and when you go to steady him, you actually burn your hand on his bicep.

“Ouch!”

“Are you okay?”

he’s hovering over you the next second, you show him your hand, a blister already forming

“Damn it. I still have trouble controlling my left side,” he looks away from you, clenching his fists, “I’m sorry, Y/N.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” you blow cool air on the wound to stop the tingling, “all better,” you smile up at him

“Here, let me,” he pulls his shirt up to reveal his stomach and places your hand on the right side. You sigh in relief as your hand is instantly cooled.

Uh oh.

you realize where your hand is currently pressed against 😳

you’re so tempted to trace along the hard contours of his abs

“Y/N? You’re burning up.” he touches your cheek, your heart doing somersaults at the closeness

“Oh-kay, that’s enough for today!” you squeak, running away from a thoroughly confused Todoroki

Todoroki shows excellent progress in just a couple weeks. He says it’s because he has a great teacher, but you know it's his work ethic and how he listens to your advice and applies it flawlessly.

He’s even gotten better at controlling his left side since he’s constantly relaxing his muscles to get deeper in the stretch.

it happens during warm-ups before training

Class 1-A goes into some stretches when you see Todoroki go into a perfect scorpion. His back perfectly arched and his leg reaching above his head.

“Oh my god, Todoroki, you’re doing it!” you clap your hands in excitement

“Am I?”

...is this boy for real? lol

“YES” you laugh at his stoic expression

“I see.” He softly comments before going into another stretch.

your shoulders deflate, disappointed at the lack of enthusiasm

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” he cracks a small smile and your breath is taken away by the simple gesture. It’s rare to see him with such a soft expression, and the fact that you’re the reason for it sends your heart aflutter.

AND bc he’s totally oblivious to your current state, he goes up to you and whispers, “you’re an amazing teacher, Y/N”

“It was n-nothing re-really it was a-all you!” you laugh awkwardly, unable to meet his eyes.

“How can I thank you?”

“It-it’s really n-not necessary!”

“Hmm…” he walks away deep in thought and you’re just standing there like the stuttering mess you are bc how dare he walk away like nothing!?

Mina’s got your back tho bc frankly it's quite sad how awkward you are and how oblivious Todoroki is that she NEEDS to become the captain of this ship stat

She “casually” suggests to Todoroki that he should take you out to eat as a thank you for helping him.

and when he walks you to your door that night he says, “I hope you enjoyed our date”

“D-date?” cue the butterflies in your stomach

“Was it not a date?” You’re pinned by his intense gaze, but you manage to squeak out a “yes!” in your confused daze. He chuckles at your nervousness

“Have a good night, Y/N.” he kisses your cheek

and when you give Mina the details of your date there’s a bunch of squealing from her end and you’re just like 😳 the entire night

Kaminari Denki

“Woah, Y/N, you’re really flexible. Can you put your foot over your head?”

You show him and he’s totally amazed. “Cool! Can you teach me? I wanna put BOTH legs over my head!”

first day of stretching with Kaminari is… def a day you remember

“Ow ow! Y/N, don’t break me!”

“Denki, I’m not even touching you!”

He looks up where your hands are on your hips

“oh... heh” he gives you a sheepish smile

You roll your eyes. How you’re gonna get this boy flexible enough to put his foot over his head is beyond you, but you’re happy it’s going to take a while - it means more time spent with your crush

You spend an hour with Kaminari each day to perfect his stretching routine (It should only take about 20 minutes, but the boy’s got the attention span of a newborn puppy)

“Woah check out that cloud, Y/N.” Kaminari looks in awe at the sky. You sigh, not again

“Denki, we’re not done, get back in the stretch”

“Look Y/N,” he points, “doesn’t it look exactly like baby yoda?” He lies down on the grass to gaze at the clouds

“Oh my god, Denki, I’m gonna kill - oh wow…” you gaze up in awe at the cloud, “baby yoda…”

You and Kaminari spend the rest of the hour cloud gazing

After literal MONTHS of getting on Kaminari’s ass he can FINALLY put his legs over his head.

He calls out to you during a training exercise, “Y/N LOOK I DID IT!”

“NOT ONE BUT TWO!” he points at both of his legs with a huge smile

You feel a rush of happiness because even after how frustrated you were with him at times, you would do it a million times over if it meant getting to see such a pure smile.

“Congrats!” you say, “Now, stand up so I can give you a hug!”

“Um…” he sheepishly looks up at you, “I’m kinda... stuck?”

You roll your eyes affectionately, “the things I do for you.”

You’re about to help Kaminari when Bakugou shoves him backwards giving everyone in class a clear view of his ass in the air 😂

“Hah, dumbass.”

Kaminari waddles helplessly side to side

“Y/N?” he squeaks, “a little help here?”

Later that week he tells you he found a yoga class for both of you to take and you’re surprised. He still wants to spend time with you?

But then he says, “Are you crazy? Why wouldn’t I wanna spend time with the coolest person I know?”

You choke on your tea, in disbelief at his words - that was a huge compliment and you know Kaminari is a very open person so you just brush it off with an “Oh stop it…”

“No I’m serious, Y/N, you’re awesome. Like super awesome,” he gives an awkward laugh while rubbing the back of his neck

“I’ve been thinking… maybe after yoga, we can, i don't know... hit up the arcade or something? Or it doesn’t have to be the arcade, it could be anything really!”

You’ve never seen Kaminari this flustered before. He’s the type to brush off his mistakes with a laugh, always moving on to the next moment.

“No, the arcade sounds fun!”  

You reassure him and the confident light in his eyes returns

“Oh and Denki?”

“Yeah?”

“Prepare to get rekt in mario kart”

This starts a whole ass play fight about who’s gonna get dunked on when racing down rainbow road

[rainingpouringetc]

🖊️ + Siean

anon you’ve made me so happy siean is my fav to write and talk about :)

siean is 20 years old at the beginning of the story and they’re nonbinary and use they/them pronouns. 

when i first came up with siean’s character it was solely bc i wanted a nonbinary character somewhere in the story. i’m nonbinary so yeah i wanted to write a character i could see myself in. however, i did not expect their personality to develop so much and now i’m lowkey convinced i’m gonna end up writing a spin off story with them as the mc. they kinda straddle the line of main character and side character. they don’t have a pov but they’re very involved in the events of the story.

one of the things i’m playing with in this fantasy world i’ve made is an absence of gender norms and transphobia that our society has forced on us. in this world, it’s not out of the ordinary to change your pronouns/name or go by they/them or even ask not to use pronouns at all. it’s been very therapeutic lol. so yeah, siean is the first character you meet in the story who is very obviously trans, even if that language isn’t used exactly (there are also a few generals who are trans and many background characters who are as well). 

i got very bored one day and decided to give siean the most complicated and secretive past i could come up with. i won’t say too much about it bc i haven’t even entirely fleshed it out lol but siean is extremely guarded about their past, which the others find very sus bc siean is usually one of the most open characters. they like to joke around and smile easily and tease and flirt and fill the room with laughter, but any time someone asks about their past, they shut the conversation down immediately. it is 100% bc they’re involved in some shady shit that comes up later in the series lmao.

they also have a love interest bc i’m a hopeless romantic. part of me considered being an ass and putting them in a love triangle, but i don’t have the patience for that as a writer and i never have the patience for that as a reader so i said ‘nah’ and decided to let them just have a healthy mutual pining slow burn instead.

another thing ab siean is that they’re actually very religious. i’m still fleshing out the religions in this world, but i know that it’s going to play a big role in their life. i’m excited to play with how they balance that and their life as basically an assassin. it’s gonna be fun.

anyway yes takeaway is that siean is much more complex that i intended and is slowly stealing the show from the other characters lol

[coridallasmultipass]

Tmi / personal / surgery / endometriosis / medical talk of uterus and related organs ((I'm really only posting all these super personal things in the hope that it might be informative in some way for people to know about my experience, so sorry if some of it is gross.)) 1.5 weeks since hysterectomy update: I'm feelin good! No more (surgery-related) severe bloating, cramping, abdominal pain, shakiness, etc. I can sit and move around in bed with no pain. I was having slight fevers on and off (around 99.3 F) but that's gone down, too. I only had one spot of blood after I got cleaned up the evening after surgery, and none since. Honestly, the worst part of the surgery, and my last cystectomy, is how my upper body strains so hard to guard against the pain, that it's hard to relax when you're only breathing from the chest and trying not to move your abdomen. It's really exhausting!! But that was for maybe only the first 4-5 days, gradually getting better, and now I can definitely relax without guarding myself if I sit. I am still having aching pain (I guess deep vaginal pain?? where my cervix was removed?) between my legs, inside me when I stand too long or sit in one spot too long. Or when I walk too much, like at the grocery store (around the house has been fine). But I'm assuming that will only get better, too, since I'm not even 2 weeks out yet. Extra tmiiii: (I have still not discovered how far inside me that goes until I reach the incision, and I'm scared to find out tbh. It's been uncomfortable cleaning myself in the shower, even with a slight decrease in skin sensitivity around it/general crotch area, the actual opening is very unpleasant to feel around, and has normal sensitivity. Which isn't to say much, I've almost always been uncomfortable with it, but usually shower stuff isn't uncomfortable. I'm gonna ask about the sensitivity thing at my next appointment, but I would guess it's probably normal.) And the incisions. I thought they were only glued, except 1 of 5 also had a stitch, but since I've showered a few times, I can see that each one has a stitch under the glue! I was like trying to pull back some of the glue so I could clean off the extra drips/trim it closer to the wound and I found a stitch I was pulling on and it REALLY grossed me out, lmao. (And I'm someone who has had [still has] a ton of piercings in my life, but stitches are STRING so it's different and gross. I would have rather been stapled.) The incisions still hurt when I move, either the topical wound, or even a little deeper still hurts, but mostly only if I'm bending over or lifting something or standing too long, etc. OH That's a story: so we've been having our roof fixed, and it's been so loud in my room (the one right under the roof) that I had things jumping off shelves and off nails because the banging has been making the whole house shake! So a candle, on a shelf above my toilet, fell, hit the porcelain, and shattered all over my carpeted bathroom. I was freshly post-op and I decided F it, I can just step around it... the next day I'm on the toilet doing my business and move my feet to start getting up, and a piece of glass wedges itself between my pinky toe and fourth toe! And I'm bloated as hell, in a ton of pain, and I can not for the life of me reach my toe to pull the glass out, and every time I wiggled my feet, the glass only wedged deeper between my toes, I was like yelling and groaning and my mom was freaking out hearing me. I don't remember what exactly I did, but I think I like, slapped the part of my foot I Could reach and that knocked the glass away. And then my foot started bleeding and I had to ask my poor mom to wipe off the blood, because I still couldnt reach, ugh. It sucked. But yeah, the incision stitches suck, my post op appointment is in a few days, so I hope they'll be taking it out for me at that appointment! One of the five stitches was tied too tightly so it's really uncomfortable when I move to have that pinching feeling. And they get a little itchy (not like something is Wrong, just that it's irritating to have something pulling your skin.) I've also been able to do a little bit of stretchy warm up type exercise. (Though. Tbh. I was already doing that the same day I had surgery, just not as thoroughly. The hospital bed for the overnight was so uncomfortable, and I wasn't allowed to take my sleeping pill, had an allergic reaction, and the pain, so I wasn't sleeping and needed to move around the room.) But yeah, the exercises don't feel bad! I've been promising myself that as soon as I'm healed from surgery, I'm gonna do everything I can to get abs lmAO! We'll see if that ever happens, but the whole endometriosis thing is the reason why I haven't been able to do much by way of abdominal exercise - it always made the cramping a ton worse. So with a uterus out of the way, who knows. But for now, I'm doing my gentle squats and calf raisers and hip rotations (painful bc of the incisions), and arm stuff (also painful to stretch my arms way up! Lol.) I'm also still sweating a TON with any exertion. And I don't know if it's residual from the lupron I was taking before surgery, or has to do with my recent (starting Oct 2019) weight gain. I friggen love summer, but being so sweaty is unusual for me and it's getting old. I'm so ready for fall rn. TLDR: Feeling great after hysterectomy, it's looking very hopeful as a treatment (though obviously not a cure) for my endometriosis! Oh, also: what we colloquially refer to as a "partial hysterectomy" (removing only the uterus) is actually surgically called a "total hysterectomy" because the "entire uterus" is removed. Removal of any ovaries is called an oophorectomy, which I did Not have, since ovaries can still be beneficial to your body's health after a uterus is no longer in use. I forget the name of the removal of the "tubes" but I did have mine removed as well, along with the cervix (which, I think cervix is considered a part of the uterus, but don't quote me on that I'm not a doctor.)

[taylornock]

how cell phones made our lives better while simultaneously ruining them

hi fam!! it’s me, again. are you tired of hearing from me? me too. that’s why I’m here to rant about social media / phone / technology. bc i hate it… but in a loving way???

everyone remembers when they got their first iPhone. seriously. why is that such a monumental moment in our lives? i can hardly remember what i felt like freshman year of high school but can pinpoint the feeling of sheer glee unwrapping my iPhone 6 in eighth grade. i have this thing that is attached to me 24/7 - when I go anywhere (even downstairs) without my phone i feel weird. that is f***ing SAD! PATHETIC. i hate feeling that dependent on what is essentially a pocket robot.

for what it’s worth - phones have done INCREDIBLE things for the world as we know it. for example, this quarantine shit has been testing all of us; and our phones are helping us get through it in so many ways. our phones let us see the faces of those loved ones we are missing, our phones provide us with stupid tik tok content to keep everything light hearted, and our phones let us check in on each other. all amazing things! when we are at school, we have instant access to our lives at home . being able to call my mom whenever i want is something i definitely abuse. “mom, I’m on my way home from Thompson right now and i think i have a brain aneurysm but my bio final is at 11am tomorrow will i make it” … an actual conversation i had with my mom at the end of freshman year. needless to say i was medicated shortly after THAT meltdown. I am such a brat that i don’t know what i would do if i couldn’t text my dad and have him immediately get me the password again to our Uverse account…… god forbid i miss an episode of the bachelor. i have this phone, and that’s what i do with it? abuse its powers to ask my parents for medical advice or a password i forgot? have we lost sight of everything here?

throughout life and especially throughout quarantine… my phone is the definition of a possession that is a blessing and a curse. I’m so grateful to have the ability to bother my friends - whenever i want! the options are endless! i love keeping in touch with people i thought id never hear from again, and being able to talk to so many people in my life and make my heart swell. now, when a conversation with someone other than my two roommates (shoutout parents) is so rare ⎯ that phone is my weapon and i use it to help flatten the curve: flatten the curve of covid19 and flatten the curve of my mental illness 🙃 [humor is a coping mechanism okay let me live] but like, i KNOW i’m not the only one that looks at my screen time and immediately wants to die. how can i honestly be looking at my phone for that long? picking it up THAT many times?????? my phone is the best distraction and also the most toxic - it makes me feel better but has a tendency to bring up all my issues and blast them into the reflection of my blue light glasses...... its called fashion look it up.

to give some examples - let’s open up my most used app: snapchat. I go on snapchat with the best of intentions - to see a memory from a year ago that makes me smile. to respond to my friends and see what their mood today is based on the look on their face. to creep on snap stories and see what everyone’s cooking and doing with their lives. somehow, tho, after spending a few minutes on the app.. i end up with a pit in my stomach most of the time. the person i want to respond hasn’t responded in 4 hours. oh god lets overthink this- they don’t like me anymore and are no longer interested in speaking to me and only respond every once in a while out of pity or because they are uncomfortable. everyone hates you. oh and GOD FORBID someone leaves me on open??! I am not funny nor interesting nor worth a reply - suddenly, i have equated my value to receiving or not receiving a photo of someone’s blank stare. this is extreme, and this is dramatic. but trust me —— this is the hamster wheel always turning in my head. I’m not even going to touch on snap maps; that feature is pandoras box and someone better fucking shut it.

second most used app is instagram. i scroll for hours, i have time limits set for the app acting like i’m actually going to listen to them and get off. lmaooooooooo. i love looking at aesthetic stuff and dogs and food and recipes and my friends’ beautiful faces. but you know what i don’t like? constant nudges to compare myself to others. oh look at her having a party with all of her friends even though we aren’t supposed to be. am i a loser for trying to be safe? oh look at her washboard abs, i’m never going to look like that and will never live up to the standard of beauty society has set for me. look at all of these people in their happy relationships. why can’t i have that? it goes over and over and over. its not like i sit there and think of these things just like that, its a precedent in my mind when i stare at everybody else that i am going to size my own life up against theirs. for years i followed every single elite model / VS angel on instagram to motivate me to do better - to start being psycho about what i did to my body so i could be as gorgeous as them. what kind of fucked up mindset is that? i would literally watch their footage of them eating rice and vegetables once a day and try to copy it. i would watch their runway walks obsessively trying to recreate them in heels alone in my house - like that was all i could imagine doing with my life. did i ever stop for a second to look at that photoshoot of gigi hadid and wonder if she was happy? wonder if the constant pictures she saw of herself ever made her insecure? what was i doing? the day i unfollowed those girls was a monumental day in my journey to a better self image. i didn’t realize the people i thought were my “motivators” were actually my triggers. i have grown to a point in life now that i would much rather eat a stack of chocolate chip pancakes that make me dance in my chair like an infant than practice my runway walk and shame my body in the mirror. and i am so freakin happy! 

i could go app by app for hours. but moving on to the next thing i hate about cell phones - how they have destroyed our biological methods of communication. you hear about those psychos who think the world is destroyed by technology and we are going to be overrun by robots. but hey, I’m with the psychos on this one. i have this amazing friend, Trevor Wright, who without fail at EVERY dinner announces “phones off friends on” and collects our phones into the center of the table. yes, we are 20 year old adults. yes, we hand our phones over to Trevor and let him yell at us for trying to see if ~that person~ snap chatted us back. i have so much respect for him because of this. there is nothing worse than staring at your phones when you could be having a good conversation about life, about love, about laughter + memories, about “do you think hellen keller is real?” anything, bro, anything. anything but snapchat messaging your hoe of the week or mindlessly playing tetris to twiddle your thumbs. we all need to start loving a little harder, and the first step to doing that is to communicate better. communicate smarter. I’m guilty of alllll of the above, don’t get me wrong. and I am ADD asf and constantly playing mindless games just to stimulate my brain. but i need to stop that! even writing this is taking some time away from the dumb shit on my phone - and encouraging me to communicate how i     r e a l l y   feel to my homies that will read this. communication - especially body language - is fascinating. I’ve studied it in  psych, I’ve learned the neurological bases of behavior and why we do what we do. I’ve learned how much our life experience impacts who we are as a whole...and it! is! fascinating! i also think that’s why i love film so much. because it can capture the raw moments of your friends just being your friends, of you just being the person you are, and the world around you just existing as it exists. i love the raw moments; and not just because indy blue posted one youtube video of her slow mo laughing and now thats the only footage i find myself shooting. 😚

im not quite sure what this post is, lol. but - just a rant on technology. so listen to me:

take advantage of technology + social media! it CAN BE GREAT. for so many reasons. but, don’t let technology + social media TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU. stay true to you - know how to communicate with yourself and your loved ones without the use of a robot. remember that feeling when you setup up your first iPhone? imagine if you could feel that again, with your phone nowhere in sight. if you don’t know how to communicate with yourself yet, start by journaling. WRITE! TYPE! SPEAK! do what you want. getting your thoughts down even without an audience is so crucial to understanding yourself and others. if you don’t like to write, reflect. breathe. meditate. make art. do what makes you feel at peace, and do whatever makes you feel like the world makes a little bit more sense than it does. 

IF YOU ARE READING DOWN TO HERE, I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU, SAY IT BACK! LIFE IS A FUCKING HIGHWAY. AND IM SO GLAD YOU’RE ON MY INTERSTATE. <3

xoxoxoxo

gossip girl

[brownornaterugs]

2018 reflections

lol it's the last day of the year and I've been working on this for weeks! I'm gonna make a separate post for 2019 goals bc this will be long.

obviously i MOVED OUT!!!!!! i made it with the help of my best friends and was fueled with the clear sight of a much better future, much better surroundings and a much more supportive family. it was getting a lot worse than i could really handle for yet another year and I’m really proud that i just did it.

it def felt worse in the beginning, as it seems to happen with trauma escaping/aftermath. i started off feeling extremely small and that was really embarrassing but something i couldn’t vocalize.

but i got a new job within weeks and that definitely helped alongside my friends. it’s another space where i’m able to be Me, an individual, and over time i’ve meshed more and more with my home. this is my home.

so here’s the things i wanted to happen this year (just copied from that goals post)

1.) ***exist for myself first and foremost***

2.) open art commissions

3.) move out

4.) call school to figure out loans/transferring

5.) consume and surround myself with art

6.) be able to ask for help (emotional or otherwise) without feeling guilty or as though i’m a burden for asking

7.) finish my next trauma book (The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma)

8.) being proactive and have initiative. learn to be Aware and stop coasting

5/8 isn’t bad! even tho i crossed off the first one, it’s still a work in progress. breaking away from being the entertaining fawn is a difficult thing. and ofc i moved out. and already called schools way back in february. and working at this job has definitely encouraged me to ask for help. it’s still tricky because it’s a business and despite that i’m trying to be pro-Self Improvement right now and will just Sell Sell when it excites me (and like 89% of this job excites me so it’s not hard). and also i applied for a lot of jobs and didn’t self sabotage when i got called for things.

as for the other things, i haven’t had the brain cells to finish any of my trauma books. that’s ok. i’ll keep working on them (even tho i just started reading alison bechdel’s are you my mother (tho not Academically a trauma book but still........))

and art has been. a struggle especially since moving out. i talked ab it before ab how it’s weird that it’s no longer a coping mech because i’m no longer in a traumatizing environment. what would i be coping from. i’ll think more about it when i make the goals post tho. but actually after my trip to New Orleans and even more especially after visiting the Edgar Degas house museum, some gears have been turning for me.

i think in the end i really got everything i needed from this year, and a good amount of that was being able to see my family for the kinds of people they are, who and how they’d be when push comes to shove and just as i said last year, i was going to be the one to really change in the end. i wanted to see that, and see it clearly enough this time around to be able to really be confident in leaving them. 

ultimately, I'm extremely proud of myself. I'm a big deal tbh. to learn better and actually do better are, while related, two different things. this was the hardest year to get through, but certainly not the worst year I've experienced (shout out to 2014 and 2016📣📣📣) anyway that's enough reflecting! thank you 2018 for kicking my ass to make moves towards a better future!!

I know this year has been pretty uh.. gruesome for all of us but!! I do want to say I'm incredibly proud of all of you, my friends irl and online, for making it through to the end!! I know somma'y'all feel like and believe this might not be true, but y'all are absolutely incredible!! and you deserve to know it. regardless of what you've accomplished or haven't accomplished! we talk about it all the time on this site that Product ≠ Worth, and even tho this site is hell, we're fucking right. you're incredible, and will continue to be so no matter how little or how much you put into the world! someone somewhere feels like y'all put something good into the world, and I believe that about all of you. don't make me come to your home!!!

anyway I love you, and I've meant it every time. thanks so so fucking much for being here and for living!! fuck... my emotions... happy new year!!!!!!

[leamen]

Reassurance

my friend met a friendly homeless guy the other night who showed him a community shelter and the idiot gives him acid as thanks even though the homeless guy was already clearly on other drugs and at the shelter the homeless guy blacked out and they kicked my friend out well they told him to come back a few hours later but my friend just ran away scared today a group of homeless guys went up to him at the park and said "well look who decided to show his face" he ran away he's been hearing things all day and a couple hours ago he told me he was hearing people talking about him as the killer bc he thinks he killed the homeless guy i really don't know if he's delusional or if something really really bad happened but he can't spend another night on the streets it's cold in montreal now i booked him a hotel room in the city and told him to rest up and we'll figure something out tomorrow and this fucking guy sends me a dick pic as a joke saying it was a selfie i'm sure he's just exhausted and delirious but i'm kind of upset he better be embarrased and apologize tomorrow morning i spent 300 dollars on his hotel bc he's in downtown i was so worried

lol he seems a funny guy the best he can do rn is get some good rest n food n water in him. hopefully getting his basic needs fulfilled will get the voices away how’d u two meet

we haven't met yet but i've known him on discord for a couple years he moved to montreal from alberta on my insistence he was depressed and his life was going nowhere and i felt the same living in new york until i moved to toronto i really opened up there and i thought him moving to montreal would be the same for him

did it end up worse?

but he ran out from his job last month yea couldn't pay rent and now he's homeless

wdym he ran out

he had a panic attack and stopped showing up

what was his job

at a restaurant i feel like an idiot when i moved to toronto i had at least a couple friends there and my mom knew people there i lived on couches my first month there and my friends helped me a lot but this guy went in totally alone i really should have known i feel really bad that's why i'm moving to montreal next month to help get him out of the mess i sent him in he thinks i'm being a good friend right now but fuck i'm really an idiot

so ur just gonna throw away everything u have in toronto?

i already did over a year ago when i lost my job in toronto and had to come back to new york at the start of the pandemic i lost all my friends way of life a lot of things important to me

cuz of the pandemic?

the pandemic

ah

i met a girl i loved very much and i watched our relationship crumble and turn bitter over the course of a year we should have broke up when i left i thought going back to school would help fill me with purpose but i just crumbled in school too and now i'm taking another gap year im just fucking everything up

no ur not. ur putting in as much effort as u can in one shitty situation after another whatever the outcome is, ur heart is in the right place eventually things will straighten out. there’s no changing the past, but u seem to have a lot of options ahead of u. u just gotta play ur hands right i’m glad u found sweetness when u did. it changed my life n i hope it’ll change urs

i dont know where my heart is i haven't been myself in over a year

from what i can tell ur an amazing person

u kno when someone u know is just out of it one day and not being themselves it's been like that for a really long time for me

i definitely know what ur talking ab the haze

i don't know who i am anymore i'm not good with words right now but i don't want to be who i used to be that version of me is too far away but i don't know who to become i can't describe it properly right now im just blabbering at this point im glad my friend didn't get mugged or arrested or worse i had a discord b4 but i tried to disconnect myself from anything to face my fear and to be totally alone but im back so i failed

u didn’t fail

the ppl in sweetness are nice

i tried that too n when i returned i was ashamed then i realized i had to accept those ppl into my life. i had to let them let me connect ya know ya know i haven’t known who i am for a long time as well. what helps me is getting into art, in whatever medium it may be. i personally chose conversation as my art form, hence the dream conversations in my story. just having a conversation whether it be with real ppl or made up ones that i write up helped me think ab myself i’m terrible at introspection and my own identity so i literally just ask ppl to describe me or what what they think of me lol ppl r always ready connect

i used to be the opposite i don't know myself anymore and im not really paying attention but i used to be so aware of my own state and attuned to subtleties i used to be really upbeat and happy go lucky but it's been so long since i've felt naturally like that i'm not sure if it's true for me to say that's the real me anymore maybe who i am now is the real me

i learned a long time ago that there’s no such thing as a “real me” the you before was the real u n the you now is also the real you. you are always you, it’s just that ppl change

what about personas and masks

ur going through a rough arc rn, but that doesn’t mean that it’s u forever

to me the true self is the one with nothing to hide you wrote about it in your story how you change a bit of yourself to everyone a different you tailored to different people but the most unchanged version of you i thought that was true self it's hard because i'm in a rough arc now but it's not the first time ive beat depression before and won but it feels like cancer it feels like remission is way harder to beat and it hurts the most to see your progress crumble and you go back to right where you started

definitely, but the fact that ur talking to me rn means that u haven’t been beaten yet letting it out to someone definitely helps a ton

[a different you tailored to different people] i believe those r all just different parts of one you

i wonder

because ppl can’t be one thing all the time. ppl r too complex for that it’s the ability to adapt and change that makes us human. knowing that things will always end up changing for u can be scary but it can also be comforting there’s always room for a new or a more

thanks for reminding me i already know this deep down inside but it's very deep down and i don't feel it there's a lot down there i'm not ready to face yet

as long as u know it’s down there n as long as you’ll get to it eventually, it’s ok to take ur time

i cant be taking my time not when i have so much time to make up for agh

just make sure ur not pushing urself too hard

sorry i think im just being difficult thank u i at least needed someone to talk to about what happened tn

no definitely not i very much enjoyed this conversation feel free to talk to me any time !

u as well

[ultraspideysense-blog]

Surprises (Tom Holland Imagine)

request: “Do you think you can write a tom holland x reader where they are dating and she surprises him on set in his trailer...” (requested by anon)

short summary: ^^^with a funny lil twist lmao

length: 1.4k words

warnings: i didnt label this as smut bc it’s not inherently smutty and i didn’t rlly  write any legit smut in here, this is mostly fluffy shits.

A/N: i didn’t put the whole request above bc i didn’t wanna spoil the whole thing but the anon knows who they are hope u like it bud kinda short but eh also sorry i suck at titles

“Thanks Harrison,” you smiled gratefully as he led you into Tom’s trailer on set.

“Of course, Tom’s been whining about how much he’s been missing you so I’m sure he’ll be pretty excited for this surprise,” Harrison replied shaking his head. His phone buzzed with a notification. “I’ve gotta go, but Tom should have a break in around 20 minutes if I remember correctly.”

“Cool, I’ll just chill in here I guess,” you said, taking a seat on the couch in the corner. He then bid you goodbye, leaving you on your own. Your curiosity got the better of you as you started to inspect his trailer. And it was loaded with a ton of cool shit.

Damn, you thought to yourself as you opened up the fully stocked mini fridge in the corner and took out some Fiji water. You know they aren’t playing around when they’ve got a mini fridge full of Fiji water.

After poking and prodding with a few more items in Tom’s trailer, you settled yourself back the couch. Checking your watch, it was just about time for his break. Instead of just staying seated and acting nonchalant for when he came in, you decided to hide behind the couch and freak him out a bit.

Just as you’d put yourself in a position where you’d be able to pounce, the door to the trailer opened. Taking a risky peek above the head of the couch, you see your boyfriend all decked out in his Spider-Man suit from head to toe, minus the mask. You’d never actually seen him in the full outfit in person and it took everything in you not to geek out at how real and amazing it looked, especially on him.

Ducking back down before he noticed you looking, you waited. You heard him take a seat on the couch, tapping away on his phone. Slowly rising up from behind the couch, you rested your head on the top next to his. After waiting a few seconds, he still hadn’t taken note of another presence.

“Whatcha doing there pal?” you asked coolly with a teasing smile on your face.

Tom’s head immediately whipped to the side, knocking your head in the process, as he let out a surprised yelp. You groaned a bit, rubbing the side of your head.

“Y/N? Holy shit, what are you doing here?” Tom exclaimed excitedly, jumping out of his seat.

“Apparently trying to get a concussion,” you grumbled as you stood up. Tom reached out his arms to steady you a bit as you got up from the ground.

“Sorry about that,” he apologized, scratching the back of his neck. You took a few more moments to adjust yourself and you felt fine, so you just gave him a smile in return.

“Harrison kept complaining that you were complaining about how much you missed me, so I decided to come out here for a few days,” you explained. “That, and I kind of really missed you too.”

Your boyfriend pulled you into a hug. “I’m really glad you’re here,” he mumbled into your hair. You hummed against his chest in response, trying to memorize every aspect of his body. His strong grip, his slight scent of the woods.

“Remind me to never go this long without seeing you again,” you said quietly as you held him a bit tighter. Between Tom’s shooting for Spider-Man: Homecoming and your commitments to university, you two hadn’t been together in almost a month.

He pulled away from the embrace, his hands sliding down to hold you by your hips. “Deal, darling,” he replied with a cheeky grin on his face.

“Okay, I have actually never seen you in the suit in person, and this is actually pretty badass,” you said as he released you to playfully do a pirouette. “Now I kind of want to get myself one of these.”

“Trust me you, don’t,” Tom laughed. You cocked your head quizzically.

“I mean it’s really cool, don’t get me wrong, but it takes a village and about 45 minutes to get this thing on completely. And it is tight in places where it should not be tight,” he said, shuddering a little bit.

“I still want my own suit,” you replied stubbornly. “It can’t be that bad.”

Rolling his eyes, he grabbed your face by the cheeks and pulled your face to his for a proper kiss. You relished in the warmth of Tom’s lips, and the careful yet forceful way he responded to yours.

Tom began backing you up, without breaking the kiss, until the two of you fell into an ungraceful heap on the couch. He was situated on top of you, but pulled back for a minute to study your features. You did the same to him.

You were in love with this boy. You loved way the light never seemed to leave his deep brown eyes and the way there always seemed to be a strand of hair out of place, sweeping across his forehead. You reached out a hand to adjust it, and ended up softly caressing his cheek. He grinned.

“I love you,” you said quietly.

“I love you more,” he said, booping your nose with his finger. You giggled quietly at his antics.

“When do you have to be back out there?” you inquired as your laughter died down. He got off of you to grab his phone to check the time.

“3 minutes,” he groaned with a frown. A wicked smile overtook your face as you thought of a way to spend those next few minutes.

“Don’t frown, I’m here for a couple days. Just shut up and kiss me before you go,” you said grabbing him by the hand and pulling him back on the couch, this time climbing on top of him.

Initiating the kiss this time, it got heated faster, the added pressure of time making the two of you antsy. After sharing a few gentle, careful pecks, you went all in, losing yourself in the moment as Tom’s arm wrapped around your waist.

Your hands seemed to have a mind of your own as they ached to feel Tom everywhere. They spent a few moments mussing up his hair, another few around the back of his neck, then down to his abs.

He moaned into your mouth as your fingers started to draw small patterns on his abs. a few inches above where he probably needed you most. You made a move to unzip his pants, but realized he was in this goddamn Spider-Man suit.

Despite your inability to go any further, you could feel him growing hard against your thigh. You didn’t have the heart to stop, so you just continued making out with him, slyly introducing your tongue to his mouth to further things.

“Tom, are you in there?” you heard Harrison outside the trailer. You scrambled off of your boyfriend in case the door was to be opened. Tom looked a bit mortified as he realized his unfortunate predicament.

There was no way he could hide his hard on in the skin tight material of his suit, nor was there any way he could get rid of it before he had to go back to shooting in the next few moments. You burst out laughing as Harrison opened the door.

“Come on, we’re on a tight schedule today, Jon’s not gonna be happy--” he stopped mid-sentence as Tom tried to grab a something to cover the evident bulge in his suit. You were in hysterics, mentally patting yourself on the back for your handiwork. Harrison joined you in your laughter.

“Now that is rich,” Harrison got out as he tried to subdue his chuckles and gave you a high five.

“Shut up and help me!” Tom whined, desperately looking between the two of you. His face was flushed and contorted in a grimace.

“No way that’s not my job,” Harrison said with his hands up in defense.

“Sorry, babe, if you’ve gotta be on set then I don’t have any time to help,” you replied teasingly, giving him a brief kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you later,” you called out as you ran out of the trailer.

“Y/N, god, I’m so getting you back for this!” he yelled after you.

Tom jumped up to chase after you, but as soon as he opened the door he remembered his little problem and jumped back inside, where Harrison was doubled over in laughter yet again.

You were definitely in for it the second he was done for the day, that’s for sure.

please give me feedback what did y’all think? didn’t rlly know where to end it lolz sorry. requests are always open tbh (it might take me a minute to get to ur request though so be patient bubs) <3

also the full request was this lol: “Do you think you can write a tom holland x reader where they are dating and she surprises him on set in his trailer they kiss and things get heated *wink* but they realize that they can't do anything cause he's in his spider man suit”

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 10: “It’s Like Giving A Baby A Glock” - Mo

I’ve been tricked, I’ve been backstabbed and, quite possibly, bamboozled.

So like here’s the thing, the person I thought going into merge I could trust the least is apparently now my closest ally. That’s Julia. I thought everyone was on the same page of voting out Tom like oh we’re gucci. But fucking quick fake out, no such thing as Tom getting voted out. I literally started hysterically laughing because no one was answering me when I asked what happened on the call. Now I don’t know what to do but I’m still just gonna have fun.

operation vote alex was a success. i feel really really awful because he looked so upset, but he was just too powerful and couldn't stick around any longer ahh. in other news sleeping beauty tom is so funny, he almost self-voted himself out of the game I am truly screaming. i was determined this season to make up for the last time we played together and i think i got to do that ahh.

in other news... i need to go into hiding. i have done way too much in both of the last votes, and its really gonna start getting me some attention unless i really really go under the radar. me and jules are the only people who voted both ian and alex, and on call with jason i think its obvious to him now that us two are close eek!

i feel like mo is a good next vote, he is much more of an outsider than jones and is an easy vote which is what i need since im in such a highlighted position at the moment eek, i really think i'm gonna go like 8th or something, so we will see how that little pickle goes eek!

New Goal Bootlist: Mo > Jones > Jason > Julia > Mitch > Me/Caeleb/Jules/Benj/Tom F5, ahh I love everyone left way too much this is gonna become such a pickle when I don't wanna vote out like.... half the tribe EEK. lets just hope its all smooth sailing till i idol someone out eek.

i do not expect to make FTC, but I just wanna use my idol correctly before I go askljdfa. Also new jury rankings if I get booted 10th:

Jules > Jason > Benj > Caeleb > Mitch > Jones > Julia > Tom > Mo

Caeleb shot up my rankings for being open to a move, Jason would be a major underdog if he makes it to FTC, Jules is too woke and deserves votes, and Benj is playing a super smart game ha! We will see, but I sure do not expect to last much longer in this game KLASDFA

HELLO!!! This game has been chaos lately. Firstly Ian gets blindsided and I knew it would be a split vote but had no clue he was leaving wow... but then this round all the people who organised that got blindsided with the Alex vote hehe. I didn't vote him bc my vote was publicized by Ian even tho I didn't vote him smh but I fully knew about it and kinda helped with it even tho its mainly caelebs move

Alex was super nice I liked him but it was purely for game he was the biggest threat and we were almost certain he had durmitor idol so! Even with tom self voting it worked wowow so I guess jules also voted with ali/caeleb/mitch/Jason

I don't talk to Julia or mo but IM SO SAD ABT JONES I DONT KNOW IF SHE KNOWS I KNEW OR NOT BUT I LOVE HER AND HOPE SHE DONT HATE ME

But whew this merge has been so crazy and I love it. Im kinda becoming floaterish again but that's fine bc we see threats leave early like ian and alex so! this should work for a while... altho im terrified to even make the end cuz its a live finale tribal AHHHH but idk if I will make it there anyway we will see. prob not .

Current rankings (strategically)

1. Ali - MY KINGGGG FOREVER!!!! Best duo ever and I don't think anyone knows it... we have voted differently again so its like perfect cuz despite doing diff stuff we still tell each other everything. and I hope we find merge idol so we have 2 hehe

2. Caeleb - Omg we have been working together a lot more closely lately and I really like it hes fun to work with im so sad I voted him 2 rounds ago LOL but its ok since its going to well now! king

3. Mitch - Only person ive been on every tribe with, usually always on the same page w stuff

4. Jones - LOVE HER QUEEN! she would be like tied 1st for personal but so far we have voted diff both times at merge oops! but still wanna go far with her

5/6. Jules/Tom - Without really talking about strategy we were still on the same page. Tom aussie king. JULES FRIENDLY QUEEN!

7/8/9. Jason/Julia/Mo - I just don't know how to talk to them really lol but all nice . my fault cuz maybe im so inactive... love u guys still

IDK WHATS NEXT BUT I WANNA MAKE TOP 9 ATLEAST!! Single digits again yus

Ok ok after tending to my needy cat, taking a shower, and taking a short 6 hour nap that others may call sleep,,, I’m 60% in the right headspace to gather my thoughts I think.

Last nights move was so good, I hated it Bc I wasn’t included in it but it was so good. But also seeing Alex literally on the verge of tears was NOT so good. That was actually depressing. Granted he WAS the biggest threat to win and he was on the verge of becoming an extremely controlling paranoid person - but dammit the combination of Mitch/Ali/Jason/Jules/Caeleb/Tom (to an extent) got us SO good.

BTW I can say with like 95% certainty that those were the 6 people involved w Alex going. It only makes sense to me that it would be? Ali/Mitch/Tom straight up TOLD me why they did what they did, Jason Bc why the fuck would he vote out Tom, Caeleb has expressed so much paranoia ab Alex that I’d be shocked if he wasn’t on board w it, and honestly Jules just hasn’t said anything ab anything and Alex went home w 5 votes, Benj and Julia voted Jason, Mo was VISIBLY shaken by Alex going, and I know I didn’t do it. So unless I’m missing someone in my process of elimination, those are the 6 people involved in the murder of Alexander Crooks.

Also on a couple unrelated notes - I’m thinking ab willing my vote cover to someone. I just don’t understand why I should be afraid of being exposed - I feel like I shouldn’t have anything to hide yk? Assuming I have to expose my vote I mean, hopefully I don’t! But ya

Also literally the round Before last round I think Caeleb actually exposed the plan to blindside Alex to me ? Like he was talking to me ab Tom and Ali wanting to get him out and then I approached Ali ab it and he was like no that’s not a thing BUT IT WAS A THING!! I think Alex was supposed to go last round, but Bc I confronted Ali ab it then it got pushed back??? Or it was legit just meant for this round smdmmdmd but um ya that’s might be the same plan?? So maybe I’ll expose Caeleb a bit hehehehe.

But honestly tho I think this could be really good for me in the sense that every single person thought of me as a duo w Alex - now I’m kind of a free agent who can do whatever the fuck I want!! Which is fun, the only true alliances I have w people now are just w benj and mo, which is cute and also I doubt anyone would target them anytime soon ? Tom seems like he’s still open to working w me, so are Ali and Mitch. Julia was also blindsided hardcore so maybe she’d be down to work out something too ? Right now I’m just holding out hope knowing for a fact that I CAN make this situation better. I’ve literally BEEN in this situation 2 times already?? I can do this! Just like Co-Star always tells me.

Wait just kidding on the Julia thing I can’t trust her either, I can only trust Jones at the moment.

So I found out from Benj that there was another split vote led by Alex. Last tribal he failed to tell me that they were going to vote out Ian instead of Jason. So this time around, when I found out that they were going to do the same thing to me again, I knew there was no going back with my new connection with Ali. The more I talked around with everyone the more the pieces started to align. Tom and Jason were targets so they would be easy to get involved. With me and Ali that's already 4. Mitch was going to be the fifth, and Jules as well if we felt like he wasn't going to go for it. I honestly wanted to vote Jules first tho, and I talked to Ali and Benj about that originally, but Ali had reservations as Jules is SUCH a flipper. AND THEN Julia voted so early, so I kinda went up to everyone in this new group and was like, "okay that was arrogant I think she's trying to be funny but thats enough for me to vote her," and Ali was way more into that so for a couple hours we had that going. BUT MITCH WAS NO WHERE TO BE SEEN. Like we had our four and we were ready but Mitch didn't come on line until like 40 min before tribal. And when he did he was like I'm voting Alex. I really didn't want to go for Alex right away because of a couple of reasons. One being that if he heard of this vote in anyyy way he might be able to get Jones to play her idol for him and that could destroy everything. SECONDLY, I knew that if we voted him then I was gonna have to do some SERIOUS damage control with Mo and Jones but if I had the opportunity to vote out Julia instead, I can go back to them and say that I knew I had to take the opportunity to be involved in the decisions but I didn't want it to be any of them. SOOO last 40 min I had to make a really big decision if I was gonna vote Alex or Tom and ultimately, I chose to vote out Alex. It just would put me in a better position.

I am so glad I did it to be honest. The moment I saw Alex's name five times I knew I made the right decision. I felt Happy and I felt Free. Alex was clearly using me as a failsafe, an easy first vote out once Me, Mo, Alex, Jones, Julia, Jules, and Ali were left. Now, this game is open up not just for me, but for everybody. I seriously think anyone can take control at this point. I don't need it to be me, I just need it to be someone who likes me. I think Jones is the most dangerous player right now, because of her idol. But I have kept that to myself, as well as her advantage, because while I might have to play the middle ground, I'm not a snitch.

Everyone is always so obsessed with being a hero or a villain. Going into Tumblr Survivor as a new player I really wanted to find out what type of player I was going to become. If I was gonna fit into one of those roles. I don't know what I am. I kinda feel like a villain because clearly that was a devious move, and I broke a strong alliance, but also I feel like I was a villain by default. I didn't necessarily want to be that player, I actually would've loved to have felt safe in that group. But trust has gotta go both ways, and if you show me two tribals in a row that you don't trust me to tell me the whole plan, I'm not gonna stick true with a group that sees me as expendable. So sure I was a villain, but it wasn't about vengeance or deceit or ill-will. It was to put this game back on a balance, and move me into a new spot that can work for me.

Okay, something I have learned about Survivor is that you have to put your Pride in Check. Tom is so nice to me, says a lot of things along the lines of "thanks for saving me," "you and I can go far in this," and such. And he told me he wasn't going to vote me in the first merge vote, and I think he believes that he fooled me. I know he voted me. He's literally the only person that would think voting me was the majority vote, except Ian and Jason. I wanna tell him that I know so badly so he doesn't think he's pulling one over me but I can't because I want him to think he can work with me, that I am in his pocket because he "stuck his neck out for me" or whatever.

Also ummm Mitch told me that Alex had a planned assassination on me for the last vote before merge. But he didn't tell me until after the Alex vote and said Jones was in on it. I know better than to trust what Mitch tells me for sure, so I don't think I will even go and fact check him on it. I honestly don't know how that would've helped Alex in the slightest so I don't know if its true, but also Alex likes to throw out my name as a "just in case" so god who knows. Regardless, I doubt I'll use this information for anything because it honestly doesn't matter going forward, other than that Mitch is a little bit of a snake.

hehe

So I won the reward challenge because I’m cool.

I

Have

No

Fucking clue

What to do with this

Like all three of the people voted Alex off without telling me about anything and I was in an alliance chat with all three of them (Ali & Jules in Space Jam, Caeleb in Durmitor Dominators) so like of course I was sad because that meant I was on the outs. Truth be told I kinda wish I didn’t win this because it’s like giving a baby a glock. Because I don’t know how to come out of this without people thinking I’m holding a grudge.

okay so mo won reward which is okay! I dont really wanna ask him to save me, because that will require making promises that I dont know if I'll be able to keep. I expect to be cursed this round.

touchy subjects is going to tank my game like CRAZY. I'm worried that Caeleb, Benj & Jules could all say they trust me most which is highkey terrifying, because if I win that it'll send red flags to all of them. I expect to win the shady game ones, about lying and flipping on alliances and stuff which is not as bad because I can just blame that on Space Jam which I told Caeleb about.

My big fear and this could just be ego-talking, like when I thought I was gonna win the lists challenge and then came second last but I'm so worried about getting the will win if they make it to the end category, thats... a death sentence in my opinion.

Wanna do like a quick update for each person too, just so I can look back when they all hate me at the end of the season:

Benj: my KING. He is such a legend, I love talking to me and do not think I would ever be able to vote for him, except at FTC! Wanna go super far with him, super super far!

Caeleb: Oh god I'm already realising the problem, which is that I love everyone. Caeleb I did not expect to get as close to, but he is so so fun to talk to! I'm really giving with him, and I think he is close to Benj too, so could be a good endgame person too. Will see on that one.

Jason: I love him! I for some reason convinced myself that he hated me during the swap, but I dont think... he does? he is SO smart and fun, I'd love to vote for him at an FTC. Ideally he needs to go before then, but I've lost Ian and Alex who were great shields so he acc probably needs to stick around.

Jones: Okay Jones is tough. Like... we stan becausee she is so much fun and I love talking to her. But talking game with her right now is tough because we have this weird poor communication and I'm conscious of not making empty promises when I want to see her go soon. I really like her on a personal, but I see either me voting her out or her voting me out.

Jules: what can I say except we stan. I talk to her and Benj the most by far, they are just consistently showing why we love them! I think they are such a threat, but I cant face the idea of voting them out eek! Wanna go super far with Jules because I LOVE THEM and they are a great friend and ally!

Julia: I messed up with Julia BAD. I should've told her about the Alex vote, I really think she would've been down, and it would've been so much better. Now she is upset and paranoid, and I feel so bad. I did her wrong and need to make it up to her, but I dont know if I will be able to eeek!

Mitch: he is so funny HDJDKDKD, like the way he talks is so funny. I've had a real rollercoaster relationship with him this season, but I could see some sort of alliance of me/Caeleb/Mitch/Benj coming together in the future! We will see ahh!

Mo: I've been quite harsh about Mo in confessionals this season but I feel like this vote gave him the kick he needs? Like he was playing it super safe and while it frustrates me seeing him say stuff like just keep me to F7 and such, he is, as always great to be around and a lotta fun!

Tom: Sleeping Beauty Tom. It's so funny to me that he stayed despite self-voting and sleeping. He is so much fun, I was determined to make up for our last game and I think I have ahh.

Summary is I wanna see Jones and Mo out next, then Mitch & Jason, then Julia leaving a F5 of Caeleb/ Me/ Benj/ Tom/ Jules? Thats the dream anyway ha!

Maybe I'm just paranoid but I feel like I've backstabbed/betrayed a good amount of people in this game and it's hard because sure they were moves that had to be made, but I hate being THAT PERSON. I don't know. Here's a confession Johnny, I'm trying but I'm bad at these.

So Mo said he was going to give me the reward tonight. He definitely doesn't talk to me as much and is much less excited and fun to talk to but I think I need to just accept that. The fact that he came up to me to tell me he's giving it to me, rather than me asking, makes me think he's telling the truth.

Plus I am being honest with him when I tell him that I don't want it to be him next. I hope he knows that.

Jones meanwhile has yet to say anything to me after last tribal. I finally messaged her last night, saying that I didn't mean anything towards her when I voted Alex. I hope she'll come around, but if not, then umm I kinda have no choice but to be wary of her and her idol and might have to do something about it. I don't want to though, I do wanna work with both her and Mo.

I actually think Julia is on my side. I can’t tell if she’s lying but she seemed upset because apparently no one talked to her about the plan to vote out Alex.

I'm bored at work. This tribal council is Odd as Hell. No one wants to throw out names, no one wants to seem too schemey, so everyone is just talking about being nervous and concerned. I honestly don't know who I want to go home because I think this vote is going to determine the course of this game post-Alex. I know I sure as hell don't want to come off as someone who is dictating the votes, so I'm trying to make it clear that I am willing to go with the flow with anyone who needs a vote rn.

I think there are people who have my back hopefully that will tell me if I need to be worried at least. Ali hopefully would, Tom *hopefully* would (but who knows hes sneaky), Mo was nice enough to give me the reward but um the Alex vote has changed him, I miss the old Mo. come back. Jones finally is talking to me again, but she's still trying to keep some secrets about the last couple of votes so I don't fully trust her. Benj hopefully would, but I was surprised he talks to Julia so much. Jason hopefully would, but now with Alex gone his game opens up tremendously. Julia would never tell me. Mitch wouldn't tell me unless it helped himself which I can't imagine happening. Jules probably wouldn't tell me because she's the easiest to convince into doing something no matter what Touchy Subjects said. She's literally flipped allegiances like every single vote ever. I hope I can survive tonight because I think this is going to be a pivotal vote and literally anyone can go home tonight (except Benj who has the sweet immunity).

HI um I think this game is broken? No one will say anything to anyone. Did I do this? Did I break this game? Or maybe we all did? Maybe Ali did maybe Jules did maybe Mitch did because us four are the middle people and we created an atmosphere where no one trusts anyone? or everyone trusts some people and none of that fits into a substantial person to vote?

I'm literally laughing rn. I am logging off. I am not going to focus on this game because literally every person just says "I don't want to throw a name out" "I haven't heard anything" "what have you heard" Like the gravity of this is crazy. This has gone on for HOURS. I don't know what to do so I am going to ignore my messages for like an hour and then reanalyze because Damn.

APPARENTLY NO ONES SAYING SHIT. But like part of me is like “Hm.... Yeah ok sure...” thinking it’s gonna be me. Because either everyone is lying to me or everyone’s genuinely confused.

okay i did a video confessionals that's uploading which has my thoughts from a couple of hours ago.

since then jules is pushing for mitch to go... but its so tough. mitch i think has my back, i just wanna vote mo and delay this war by a round. I just want someone like Mo or Jones gone, its getting tough. I'm playing the middle and am in a web of problems.

I have to have Jules back above all. Benj is safe, so I need to keep them safe. I need to get the vote on like Mo or someone, but Caeleb wants to vote Mitch or Jules too... ugh this is getting really messy and I'm worried and tired.

Idk if I sent this yet but

At the moment rightnow it seems like it’s Jules or Mitch, right now I think,,,, the best way to vote is Mitch. I’m Trying to get everyone on the path for mitch because I think Jules is falling in the “I’m a big threat wah” category and I want that to keep growing,,, I just feel,, so awful.

Mitch if you’re reading this ily w my whole heart and I still wanna crash Drew’s library w you some day

i am... what we call in the business, trash. i upset mitch and deserve to be voted out for it. i'm snappin' hearts on my way to FTC LORD.

[kmackenz]

I’m ab to blog the fuck out of my feelings bc it’s not like I know anyone who follows this shit anyways. And I heard blogging can help so... A year ago on February 12th I started seeing a girl. The first girl i’d ever tried to carry out a relationship with. I knew nothing ab my sexuality I was confused as fuck so for me, it started off somewhat experimental. But within like a week of talking to this girl, I couldn’t put my freakin phone down. I thought about her all the time, I was so excited. We met when I went to ATL for a concert, I had my location for tinder on so I was able to pick her up from Athens, GA. This girl was crazy for me because she was so opposite. She loved country music and had loving protective parents, she grew up in a traditional Christian home. I didn’t have any of that, I liked rap and pretty much all music except country(surprise was that I grew up with a country ass daddy and loved country music but when he died I didn’t like it as much), I had parents who chose drugs over me and God was not on my radar. That’s a whole different story though.

I loved everything ab her tho. Even her name.... I thought Rachel was the most beautiful name. She was so gorgeous and I couldn’t ever believe she actually went for me. We had such a fire connection it was crazy. We would stay up all night because we didn’t wanna stop talking. We had so much to catch eachother up on yet it felt like we had known eachother forever. What we shared was literally the definition of soulmate. I drove out to see her as much as I could, almost every weekend. Every time I saw her it was like a child seeing their favorite Disney character or something I mean I was so fucking excited dude it was crazy, I would be jittery the whole drive there and when I’d get in the car it was like I hadn’t been home in years and I was finally home. Don’t even get me started on the chemistry dude we were so turned on by eachother lol it was like all the freakin time. I had never really had a crazy sex drive before but with her it was so natural. Touching her felt so right and I know she felt the same. We were crazy about eachother. We got serious real fast and I was dying to tell her how much I loved her so I decided not to wait. We caved for eachother. I dropped my guard completely because she was so safe, so sweet, so protective. I knew she would never hurt me.

Nearly 3 months later I just couldn’t wait. I needed my girl and she needed me so I jumped and I found a place in Athens and I quit my job and found a new one and like that, I was there. Life with Rachel was beautiful but I was sort of sad because I had moved there for her and we still only got to see eachother fr once or twice a week starting off. We fought ab that... I wish we hadn’t. She would spend more time with her family and we fought ab that too.... again, I freaking hate myself. Why was I so jealous that she had family? Deep down I was happy for her but I behaved selfishly and wanted to be her family. It’s hard not having anyone ever choose you man it’s not supposed to be that way. I couldn’t help but want her to choose me but I don’t blame her for being hesitant. I should have been more hesitant. Things continued to be strong tho and we knew the other was far worth it.

I remember when I started going on grand openings for chickfila it just broke her little heart to watch me leave and it just wrecked me. But I needed the money so bad my new job just wasn’t adequate and I wanted the opportunity to travel, I never wanted to see her hurting or missing me, I never wanted her to go through that man I hated it for her I hated it too but I won’t lie, I wasn’t nearly as attached as she was either by this point. But it wasn’t because I wasn’t in love with her, it wasn’t because she loved me more, it was because I thought we were in it forever. I thought she wasn’t going anywhere and I thought I wasn’t either. I felt safe in knowing we could get through anything and come out of it still holding hands. Time was just time to me at that point....

Around August my friend logan moved down to be my roommate and she started school. This is when things got too tough. This is when I fucked up everything. Logan got there and I hadn’t had anyone except Rachel in a couple months. I was so excited to have my friend again but he had changed and that really hurt me... at the time I thought his changing was my fault. I thought he was mad at me for leaving earlier or for choosing Rachel instead of our initial plan in ATL. I felt like I needed to make it up to him, like I needed to earn his friendship back and for whatever reason he stopped supporting me and Rachel. I was so desperate for him to be my friend and I don’t even know why man. I don’t know what fucked my brain and made me think Rachel was not enough for me. I mean it’s probably true that she never could have met every single one of my needs it’s just not humanly possible, that’s more of a God thing I think. But I didn’t need logan, I needed Rachel. She was my girl, my soulmate, my lover, she was the one who was gonna walk with me forever.

I kept trying to take space so I could make my own friends, I was sick of being criticized for smoking too much weed, I was tired of having to cater to all of her feelings. I thought that meant I wasn’t right for her. I started to worry i would hurt her. That was the last thing I wanted so I kept trying to push her away. When I was alone and by myself I would think about marrying the freakin girl. I would think about our wedding and our home and our dogs and kids. But when I spoke to friends from home I would get so insecure. So fucking insecure. I felt ashamed and judged and I don’t know why. I still don’t know why I felt that way.

All I know is I kept putting both of us through unnecessary hell. I loved that girl so fucking much and I still love her that much. My heart has never stopped skipping beats for her, my brain has never stopped thinking about her, my heart has never stopped longing for her. I can’t be with anyone else. I can’t stop loving her. I can’t forgive myself for letting this happen. I can’t breathe or sleep or even eat. Food has no taste, I throw up what I do eat usually. I’m so lonely but I have all these friends.... I really got what I asked for man....

I want my baby back. I want my sweetheart, my “soup”, my stinky. I miss all those stupid little nicknames. I miss the way your body fit perfectly next to mine. I miss the way we would both snuggle with puppy. Of course I couldn’t let you know I was snuggling with him too bc I just had to come off as some tough chick even though I’m just as sappy and sensitive as you are. I just had to make sure everyone thought I hated country music, I didn’t actually believe in god, that I thought you were wimpy. Because I’m insecure. I put those insecurities off on you. I’ll never make that mistake again. I’m better than that now. I understand the consequences now. I’m so fucking sorry baby. We are the same but I was ashamed. You are so beautiful for being so confident in yourself.

I miss our trips we would take and staying in Air BNBs I miss our breakfast dates and waking up to you every morning. I miss cooking spaghetti for you. I miss coming home from work to your sweet little face. I miss saying soup with you and coming up with our funny words. I miss all of our laughs. Baby I miss you so much if you could only feel my heart bleeding for you. I’ve never been like this. I thought I was fucked up my whole life but now I realize that I’m fucking broken. How can I fix this? I can’t... you’ve met someone else. You’re moving on. And I’m stuck back here begging you not to go. I threw my forever away.... I didn’t know it would turn into this.... I just want to cry out to something to take away this pain but I don’t even know what anymore. I can’t ask god to bring you back because apparently god doesn’t approve of same sex love. I’m so hurt.... this pain is so unbearable. I just keep waiting for my love to come home and she never does....... she never will

I love you so much Rachel I always will. Please come home one day..... you are my forever baby

[survivorwakea]

Episode 7: “I just don’t think that makes sense” - Jared

Hello Elmo - welcome to your tape. We once again meet in an org. I was very excited to 1. make merge 2. to meet up with u in another org and to have the chance to work with you. However my excitement was almost immediately ruined. I asked if you want to work together and was greeted with "if our plans align". This was my first red flag of a few tonight. "If" not hey lets make our plans align nd work together, just a sort of ok sure if it swings that way. So I said that to you, we should make them align. You replied with "kk." BITCH TF DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING. And then you're all like I'm so happy you made merge you deserve this. Ok whatever I know that's just you trying to change the subject, which you do a lot when you want to avoid things hmmm. Then we start discussing HvV nd I made a joke about you maybe fucking me over here after I said I trusted you...you left me on read....so I'm not just gonna sit there and take that. I was like ok I see where I stand with you. And you're like nooo I want us to work together but also if you think you wanna vote me out because it's best for your game then don't be afraid to do that ~ and trust me I'm not scared to vote you out. I did it once before, I'll do it again. You did say that wasn't you plotting against me, and I sure as fuck hope you meant that because my dumbass does want to work with you even if right now I feel similar to how I did before and like I'm not your closest person, which really did affect us I think oops. We love having no trust in a duo. I let this go because I fully understand that hey maybe things won't work out for us in this org, although I'm really hoping they do. Then you're like hey lets guess for the idol together. Okay sounds promising doesn't it? think again. Turns out you gave your guesses to Justin and Zack. I'm glad you did tell me this though because it shows there's a little bit of trust, but I am wondering where that puts me in all of this. How close are you to Justin and Zack? I adore you and if you do feel you need to vote me out then so be it, I respect that and there wont be any hard feelings, but don't think I won't fight you for this. Hopefully I am just reading too much into things and you are wanting to work closely with me. I do pray we end up working together, I plan on trusting you more even if I do feel right now that is going to be a risk, but it's one I am willing to take. I know you're an absolute social king. I am the social queen, a king needs a queen but a queen does not need a king. Remember that.

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YEEHAW BITCHES I MADE MERGE. Been to every tribal council so far, plan on being here until the final tribal council. I'm not a threat I swear.

I made it to merge! This is very exciting considering this is my first discord game and I can sorta function on it so thats good. I've had the pleasure of hardly participating in any challenges and only going to the joint tribal where Dean was voted out. I pretty much have no real relationships in the game since I haven't had to really count on anyone in a tribal. The good news is a lot of people were messaging me last night even those who I haven't had a chance to be on a tribe with yet like Chloe and Bodhi. Well...I've played with Bodhi in several other seasons before and I'm glad I have an excuse to talk to him again but I also know how cut throat he can be. The good news is that Johnny told me that Jared along with Bodhi, Joey, and Asya would potentially work with us. This is good. As long as people are interested that should at least keep people away from voting for me. I've also been reunited with Justin. We were on our first tribe together and I thought that we could work well together. There is also Ben and Elmo. I think I've done surprisingly well and being connected with those in the tribe despite my "inactiveness". Johnny is def my number one but I also don't want our games to be the same. I also have a lot of trust in Elmo and it doesn't look like he is as well integrated or at least maybe is a little UTR too. If it looks like Johnny and I are just making the same decisions, I think people may side with Johnny. So its important that I stay alert to new opportunities and make sure that I'm looking out for myself. I think I've been playing an UTR kind of game so far and I'd like to continue doing that. If people like me or at least don't mind having me around then no one will throw out my name as a target. I submitted my video for the talent challenge and just hope that I don't get negative comments.

I MADE MERGEEEEEE FUCKING FINALLY.

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I need to rely heavily on an outside social presence, I need to keep up the fact that I’m working to ensure a heavy background role. I have a lot of ORG experience, and I often want to draw from the best players that I know, and combine most of their unique gameplay qualities. A few examples I’m going to be using is Michael mepole’s strategy for Touchy Subjects when he puts all his positive answers on much bigger targets than him in order to create a narrative and slide into the background. TJP, one of my best friends outside of games plays a game built heavily on strategy and sociability, which while I’m at my new place, is giving me more flexibility to play games and work on my one big flaw: my social game. I said previously that in this game, I have nothing to lose, and EVERYTHING to gain. Survivor is the closest thing to being a good running back in football. Some running backs like Le’Veon Bell are very patient, and wait for holes to open up so they can explode. If I can have 15% of that patience in this game, the entire season will open up BEAUTIFULLY for me. It is absolutely imperative that I make sure Jared and Johnny are the two most vocal players in our alliance, because I have more freedom than anyone else in this game, having never made merge in an ORG game(Fuck you Trevino) before, the sky is the absolute limit. I need to keep others at bay, and kind of do what Ian did: build a wall and make it nearly impossible to have a social game with me.

Just found an advantage, so im pretty much a king. thanks lov u

i’m so annoy eeeeed

johnny really lost his vote for a legacy advantage that now serves literally no purpose so that’s sexy. now we (me, johnny, jared, bodhi, joey) have to depend on anabel and i guess lily for this vote. also they wanna kill chloe which is ugly and not what i want so like.

i know anabel doesn’t wanna kill chloe but that might just be because she’s a facebook person. anabel and myself both wanna vote lily and for some reason that’s just not translating to these people. like y’all want lily to be our extra vote but that could easily be chloe, especially when anabel is the one who can swing it in our favor and she wants lily out like.

anyways my alternate solution was just to vote out one of the facebook men. idc who. then we can get lily on board and probably chloe, and we don’t need anabels vote. like if y’all are so worried abt facebook people then what i’m saying makes sense. chloe has shown an interest in working with me and none of y’all have heard shit from the others so?

anyways i get mad when i don’t get my way so sorry for all the ugliness i know will follow after this,,,,, ur all beautiful except for stinky johnny and his stinky legacy advantage

so this is my first tribal ever, im immune, and thats super cute and hot and everything, but u know what’s cuter and hotter?? this bitch right here is ab to do somethin crazy and perhaps stupid but it’ll provide good television!!! jared johnny bodhi joey asya and maybe lily and all want me to vote chloe and i have said that im down w that. HOWEVER, elmo justin zack chloe and ben are voting joey and they think im doing the same. im a bit conflicted rn. i am thinking i want to go w elmo bc he’s the person i trust a lot, but i really need to talk to like johnny bc he can’t vote this round, and i also trust him a lot!!! so basically we’re looking at 5 voting chloe, 5 voting joey, and then me. and whatever i do is what happens. not really quite sure if this is a good position to be in, i have 11 ppl who think im with them and that ill do whatever they say, but im not really ab that... i just rly need to talk to johnny bc he’s the person who’s gonna give me answers and insight and everything i need but he’s at WORK and this rly sucks. stay tuned for my decision LOL

________________________________________________________________

idk if i mentioned this in my last one but... the condition for me voting joey is that chloe zack justin elmo and ben have to say it was lily and NOT me. if this works im going to pee myself..

________________________________________________________________

so everyone except zack knows ab my big huge plan and if he would JUST FUCKING GET ON i would love to tell him.... i feel like all this shit is so unnecessary for the first merge vote, but they started it. so if they’re gonna be crazy, i am gonna be crazier.  and that’s just the tea. putting on my big girl panties and walkin into tribal w a plan in my head, a smile on my face, and lies on my lips (wow that’s poetic)

this is copied from my thread but thats fine:

SO ANABEL SAYS TAHT SHE WANTS TO CALL! so we call and she drops a bomb that there is a big grp of tumblrs working together trying to get chloe out and im like hmm huh and she asks me not to tell anyone and im like thats fine i think that i convinced to anabel that she can flip to our side bc if she does that then joey should leave 6v5 bc johnny cannot vote i also convinced anabel to tell everyone on the other side aka FB + Ben side so now i dont have to tell them and i dont incriminate my alliance between anabel i think that if this works it would be so good for me... like even if chloe leaves i should be in a good position its much favorable if joey leaves but chloe leaving is not HORRIBLE for me that being said theres no way i would vote chloe out bc it doesnt make sense considering they are not even including me in the plan but yeah im kinda excited that my social game is snapping rn

UPDATE: i think that i got anabel to flip and i rly want chloe to stay now bc i think she'd rly wanna work w me if she gets saved. ZACK FLORES U BETTER NOT SELF VOTE OR ALL OF THIS WILL GO TO SHIT!

PRAYS TO HAWAIIAN GODS FOR THIS TO WORK.

OMGGGGG THIS IS CRAZY. queen anabel is honestly doing what i think will be the best thing for her game and informing us (me, elmo, justin, chloe, ben) what the rest of the cast is doing and voting out chloe. anabel a snake QUEEN and wants us to blame lilly after all of this and i am SO FOR THAT. i just hope anabel isnt really working with them and the other side plan on like blindsiding me or something. idk.. if joey winds up going home then this will be so good and i will love anabel so fucking much. all HAIL the snake queen! anabel legend. just pls dont be lying to me bc idk our call we just had did seem a lil quick and shit..

today i am voting out johnny. i hate the judges of the last challenge except for anna dad. anna dad is cool..

This round is crazy i wish i had recorded audio.

{ ok this is part is written today: i forgot that my confessional was so shitty last round. everything below this will be falsified confessional trying to get back into my head from last round }

So tonight chlohie should be leaving. We have majority but Joey is getting some votes too. It'll be 6-5 and joey will be safe. I would be totally shocked if Joey were to leave.  

What time is it? *clap clap* it's that time where I over share my feelings in here yeehawwwwww. So going into this tribal this morning, ya girl was nervous. It was quiet. Too quiet. The first name I hear is Joey, I'm kinda like oh no I like him but he's not too active so okay. As the day progresses and I'm still not hearing anything, the alarm bells start to go off a bit. I'm trying to tell myself I'm just being over paranoid, it's okay, I am fine, it's just a simple merge vote. All of a sudden I get Anabel rushing into my messages telling me she wants to call, I'm like ok cute bonding experience I'm here for it. Ben then in my messages saying to be prepared for the shit show that Anabel is about to tell me. I can feel my pulse rising I be looking like spongebob up in this bitch just shooketh. I call Anabel. She's like sis ur being targeted. Im like you're fucking kidding. Shocked but not surprised. Asya, who I thought was my homegirl, now up in this bitch wanting to vote me. People I been talking to all day being like wow I'm nervous be wanting to vote me. And why? Am I a threat? AM I REALLY A FUCKING THREAT? I been to every tribal council yea, but at the same time I'VE BEEN TO EVERY TRIBAL COUNCIL. PLEASE GIVE ME A BREAK AND STOP TARGETTING ME FOR 2 SECONDS. So where I think I stand right now - I'm working with Zack, Justin and Elmo hardcore. We have Asya, Bodhi, Joey, Lily and Jared on the other side. Then in the middle there's Ben and Anabel. But then Johnny I'm shitting myself about because I've no idea where he stands right now. If this goes to plan Joey will go home tonight instead of me. Watch yourself Asya, I thought we had each others back. You apparently just want to stab me in mine.

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just made like a pretty lengthy lowkey negative confessional. So here's a positive one. I've decided that I love Elmo again and I adore him fully as a person he makes me so so happy and I'm happy to actually have a shot at fixing out broken org relationship. He's fully one of my favouritest people I've ever met EVER. and I'm so so so happy I get to play with him again. Zack I also love so much, I feel we've never had the proper chance to connect but we kinda highkey doing it here and I want to go far with him. He always makes me smile no matter what. I just really really hope he's having fun. Justin I also love a lot, at first I was kinda unsure about him. He reminds me a lot of myself. But now I couldn't imagine this game without him. He is a strong player but I fully admire him. I'm glad I got to meet him for the first time ever in this game and I sure hope we continue to be friends even after it ends.

These 3 people make my little heart sing and although I'm not in the position I thought I would be in right now, part of me is glad. I think we're just going to be brought closer and I'm excited to see what future tribals hold for us.

DUDE CAN WE JUST VOTE OUT CHLOE SO I CAN ACTUALLY STAY

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Joey is voted out 6-5. He becomes the first member of the jury.

[survivormuxloe]

Episode #10: "This is why people hate the gays” - Michael

Oh my fucking god did y’all see that tribal I was like butch it’s me I’m going like bye bye omg but NO it was simply a vote reveal and the idol WILL be mine

So a few things to go over...

One, the plan to get rid of Felix was successful and bought me and Michael another day...HOWEVER, it would appear that I was not the first person to make it to the end of the bridge, which is a shame cuz I REALLY needed this idol, but it's okay.

Because Michael is still gonna be considered a bigger threat than me, and the most likely to go home if we both don't win immunity. That being said, I'm REALLY hoping I can pull this immunity off cuz it'd just be nice to not have to worry about it being me at tribal.

i'm on highkey alert starting now.... this round (and honestly for the rest of the game) is prime time for blindsides and the waters are ripe for it... i really wouldn't be shocked if i'm targeted and have to play my idol hmph. i really really really just want to be able to use it successfully and i will feel content af with my game no matter what happens...

my plan to take out jones is slowly unfolding, i worked on ryan earlier, and got him to see jones as a ringleader.. and he wants her out soon.. which is perfect for me hehe.. i just dropped some hints here and there that she has a lot of connections.. and now he's paranoid that she's gonna bring together a group of michael/david/mo/ahrre... which is perfect for me since i can use him to take her out... funny enough im not sure when i should take out ryan, he's definitely a threat going forward... but if i play my cards right i can take both of them out because i'm also painting ryan as a big target to some of the others hehe.. im trying not to overplay rn bc my ass is not on the line for votes currently, one misstep and I'm gone

im so mad.. rn LMAOAOAOAO like. jones is overplaying as hell n i want michael gone SOOOOOO BAD but i gotta be fake af.. almsldndg

me n ryan r the best duo tho like.. i think ive convinced everyone thet we arent as together as they think umu

So Felix went home. Which I knew about despite voting for Michael. I thought it was gonna be like 5-5 and tobi was considering to flip to avoid rocks. I didnt want Felix gone personally so I sent in a vote for Michael knowing it wouldnt change the outcome.

Jones is really overplaying wanting this next vote to be a split vote. Like no its 3-3-3 that way. THATS NOT SAFE. ITS ASKING for someone to flip. NO. Jones is going home this round or next round. Thats the T.

extra shit.. me tobi rhys ryan are all mad susp of miss jones and i think im tryna convince all of them to stick wth her plans until f7 and us 4 can cut her ass out of the equation :) yayayaya im excited. girl deserves it after her overplaying last week as much as i love her

Wiggling my way out of danger was a huge success, now i'm just hoping to lay low and not cause much drama and basically let the larger players; David, Rhys, Jones take one another out which will allow me to hopefully slip through the cracks and make it far.

nvm idk how to feel ab my position anymore ignore all previous confessionals that i praise myself LMAOAOAOAOA

It’s critical that I try my best to win immunities since my name and David’s is on the line and I’d rather he’d go than me. My best plan is to use Jones to my advantage she has a lot of sway with the other side and by playing off her need to be the leader and to have power to keep me in this game. Everybody wants power and everyone wants control and if Jones thinks that she has control over both sides of the tribe then she’s not gonna get suspicious and take me out.

So I’m a little disheartened by the touchy subjects results. I won “the biggest goat” and “who doesn’t deserve to be here” and it sucks because these people are my friends and I guess most of them think this. But water off a ducks back, I’m going to smile and keep moving forward. I wanna win.

Another day another update. So from were we left off Felix did end up going home good shit he didn't have an idol. He did play the vote reveal thing but I doubt that changed anything in the slightlest lel. That attempt from Scott to save face by also voting Felix is cute tho hehe.

Anyhow so after that we went to touchy subjects which tbh I was waiting because that would be an opening in my game. So Ryan and Rhys think I'm a goat which it's not suprising considering they're the ones I talk to the least. However most importantly Mo was picked as the goat by the most people.

Now this is a tough game and everyone is putting a lot of effort into it so imo it's not easy to point out a goat and Mo is understandably feeling down because he's as much into this game as everyone else. So I knew this was my opportunity to make a move because Mo will be wanting to prove himself to others so if I'm gonna try something this is my best oportunity to get his vote.

Now I grab Michael and David as well who are in a desperate spot and BAM we have the underground boys. So now the plan is simple. Tobi told me they want to split the votes between Mo and Michael in case Michael has an idol, so we get them to split then Mo and me flip and hopefully get someone.

That someone should be Ryan IMO because he's def a duo with rhys and even a stronger duo with Scott. So birds one stone. Plus he called me a goat so hey thre's that :)

lmfao i'm getting dead silence from half the tribe and totally awkward conversation from Jones... definitely getting the vibe that i'm the target. I know Scott got tea from Tobi that Jones has concocted some scheme to split the vote on me and/or rhys or something to that extent? idek i need the full picture tomorrow but lol. should be a fun show no matter what happens

Ok so Michael, David, Fabricio and I formed an alliance because were kind of on the outs. I know this is weird because I had rough pasts with all of them but I really like this alliance. Now, do I trust Michael? Absolutely fucking not, he already lowkey threw me under the bus after the alliance was made. By telling Jones I told him. So I want him gone soon.

bih.. i aint in the mood today at all..

first of all last night touchy subjects. david wins lol x. i get most trusted n least trusted bc thats a thing ig. werk mama.

then to make matters worse... miss jones wants to split on either me or ryan incase michael idols ...

n now ive told tobi abou  t my idol n idk why im just feelin quirky n cool lol

I have to laugh... this game gets wilder by the minute... my position right now is really fragile but its good if i play it right... right now i have a lot of influence over what happens hehe... like i swear to god i feel cocky but lets review some things. 1. Jones is wrapped around my finger... i've been playing this whole super supportive ally and she even gave us the name "kermit and miss piggy" for our duo (me being miss piggy obv) and i've been working hard on her.. i got her to realize michael was actually super manipulating and was using her for a lot of things.. which is funny because that's exactly what im doing to her... she even showed me some stuff he wrote to her and i was consistently telling her that im trying to protect her from being manipulated by him... i swear to god im evil HAHA and like i love her and all but she's a huge social threat and if i see a clear shot im gonna take her out 2. scott scott scott... we were sharing idol guesses a few days ago and he went ghost on me on the guesses... i had suspicions that he was close to getting/had the idol... AND HE LITERALLY TOLD ME HE HAD IT I WAS LIKE OMGGG like this made me SO relieved because that means that i don't have to worry about the merge idol popping up without me knowing, but after i leaked his idol in Saint Vincent i have NO idea why he told me again... like this obv makes me wanna take him out and do stuff but im not gonna leak it again... i think. But like im not here to play fiddle to him... im here to win and if i have to take him out later i will... but the thing is that i don't know when a good time to take him out is, if im in f6 with a bunch of goats, the target is gonna be on me... so i have to think more about what im gonna do about him 3. ryan... i haven't been working hard on him, but he did come up to me with a plan to get me, him, rhys, and scott to the f4 like omg thats pretty iconic but going to f4 with a challenge beast like ryan? i have to laugh... im not stupid... challenge beasts have been the bane of my org career and im not about to let it happen again here... i have a lot on my plate right now, and im playing hard, but what's lovely is that i dont think im a threat to anyone? at least in comparison to the scott/ryan/jones clusterfuck that im gonna try to orchestrate, im lowkey... i swear to god if i actually pull this shit off.... my mind... but then again i might just flop again like usual so who knows hehe

now that ik my name has been thrown out im so nerv ALMFNHFg like i dnt wanna be blindsided 5-4 o.o but uhm i hope for the best n hopefully im smart enuff to play idol ?

i just want jones gone is that so much to ask

idk How to make confessionals apparently Bc I KEEP FORGETTING AHHH Michael comes to me right after the Felix vote and says “hey David crossed the bridge the idol’s gone” and I’m like MOTHERFUCKER. I WAS THIS FUCKING CLOSE. And it obviously scared me because either of them could be lying and one of them could have the idol. And I OF COURSE PANICKED. The next day I went to try and cross the bridge (Bc I was on 90) and I ACTUALLY DID IT!!! but guess what,,,,, THERE WAS NOTHING!!!!! HORRAY!! Idk what I’d do with myself if I got an idol tbh,, that shits scary. But yeah knowing that the idol is gone AND THAT I heard it from Michael first is hella scary and that could mean 3 things - A) theyre felling the truth and it’s gone, B) Michael’s a liar and Has it, or C) David lied to Michael and David has the idol. So right now this information is fucking with my head. And it’s deeeefinitely going to in the next vote.

So David wins immunity and I’m not THAT bothered by it? Of course it just makes things harder for everyone else Bc the original plan was to split between Michael and David, BUT NOW WE CANT. Either way Michael has to go home. He has a really terrible way of getting into everyone’s head and it’s not good for anyone. Plus if he makes it to the end he has such a good chance at winning with an underdog story it’s not even funny ajddjkf. BUT Theres still the possibility that one of those two has an idol, and we really have to think wisely on who would go in case that happens. Tobi thinks Mo is the safer move, but I really don’t think there’s a point in getting rid of someone that everyone thinks of as a sheep. Plus I’d like to sit with him in the end soooooo yeah. My personal preference on who the “blindside target” would be is Ryan. I love him to DEATH and Sweyn to the end, but he’s a challenge threat, and we have to pick off Sweyn eventually if the Muppet alliance wants to be victorious. Michael and david are already on board with getting him out anyway Bc they think he and Rhys are “tight” lol. But right now the vote split should be 7-2 on Michael as far as I know, there’s a solid chance that Mo will get a vote and if he does I’ll actually DIE. Also /according to Michael/, he said that Mo came to him and told him was voting for Michael. AND LIKE THATS THE THING MICHAEL IS PLANTING SEEDS IN MY HEAD THAT MO ISnt some I can trust and that /scares me/ which is why he has to go. If the tribal goes right, Michael goes, if Michael plays an idol, Ryan goes. If it’s a tie between Ryan and Mo, Ryan goes.,,, hopefully.

So, Touchy Subjects, Im almost irrelevant, atleast im honest.

Anyway, The vote plan is Michael. However Jones is scared of an idol. I dont really want to split a vote but Jones is persistant on it. Ive been talking with people and apprently the split vote is on Mo.

However I talk to Ahrre and he knows this information too? Im on the bottom of whatever this is. Like I NEVER hear stuff first. I NEVER feel like I acctually know whats going on.

So to be honest. I dont feel like im going to win. Atleast not on this path. So I need to take a peck at the leader. Jones. Mo and Ahrre are said to be in her pocket. This is bad for 2 reasons. Jones has more power, and they arent doing much thus will be dragged to the end. So removing power, and increasing my odds of getting to the end will be great.

So the split vote is set to be 5-2-2. However, I can safely tell Michael that its 2 on Mo. So Michael & David both vote Mo. This is 5-4. We just need 1 flip to make this happen. So that could either be me, changing my vote to Mo. Perhaps someone else could flip beside me. Fingers crossed.

So it seems like once again I am getting voted and with the amount of idols and such out there it’s getting more and more scary being this bitch who’s constantly getting voted because at any point I’m either getting the majority or I’m getting idolled out. I’m just hoping and praying that everything goes well and I need to start winning immunity

i like don't know what's happening fahsdfhas. i kinda snapped and messaged michael for some reason, i think to see if he was gonna vote me.. and i kinda told him/he asked and i confirmed that there's a split plan in motion and he told me him/david are voting Mo and i was like well if you don't want me out i don't want you out... and Scott tells me he heard throuoght the grapevine (from tobi who heard from ahrre who was told by michael fjasld) that Michael said it was RHYS that let him know??? i'm. so idk faksdjf but i'm floundering a bit tbh. there's like less than 3 hrs until tribal so i hope i figure out concretely whats gonna happen

Alright so let's go through a couple of things.

I WON IMMUNITYYYY. Omg, it felt so good to get redemption after losing this same challenge in my first org. (I got the tiebreaker there too and was WAY off, LOL fuck me) And anyways, it feels good to not have to worry about it being me tonight and to have a spot in the final 8. Hopefully this shows people that I've BEEN here to friggin play.

So now as it stands for tribal tonight...myself, Michael, Mo and Ahrre are gonna vote Ryan out. The other side are planning to split their votes 3 for Michael and 2 for Mo cuz they think Ahrre and Mo are voting for Michael. If all goes well and no idols get played, then we're in for the biggest power shift this season has seen and I cannot wait to be a part of that shift, cuz it's FUCKING GO TIME BABY

ugh the idol paranoia i'm having rn........ i can't if i go home w the idol im gonna hate myself n if i misplay the idol im gonna hate myself jlskhfd like this vote is so uncertain to me.. i could be overthinking but i just dk... so like i almost want to just be messy and get the other 5's votes on me and idol myself…

ok so messy ryan jumped out and acted on his idolinpocket paranoia flaksdhf. i talked to both mo and michael and threw jones under the bus pretty bluntly.. mo seemed to already knoow that jones created the split plan w him as the vote, and is just acting like he thinks he's going home so idk if thats genuine or not. michael on the other hand, seems genuinely thinking it was between him or mo and now wants to get ahrre and me to vote mo with him and david and rhys who already voted mo. fladfjas so i've realized i was highkey overthinking but. this is interesting

Right so idek where I left off but I think it was right after the underground boys were formed. Anyhow so Jones was weary of ryan so she thought about voting him, thing is he only wanted him as a backup plan in case Michael played an idol because everyone and their mums want him dead at the end of the day I guess.

So I'm like ok let's get michael and david to vote ryan with us and then while one of us still votes michael to make it a 4-3-2, (without letting her know Mo was with us and that I would vote ryan anyways lel) but then she freaked out and so did everyone really and they suddenly didn't want to split anymore and everyone was voting Michael.

However I managed to convince Tobi (and by proxy the rest of sweyn cause let's face it tobi is on top of this game that's another guy I've got to get rid of) to split the vote anyways, so as it stands Tobi and Rhys are voting Mo and Ryan Scott and Jones are voting Michael. But the thing is that they think Mo and me are also voting Michael but in reality we're gonna vote Ryan so it SHOULD be 4 votes Ryan 3 Michael and 2 Mo.

Now my worry is that if Ryan plays an idol it all goes to shit but I'm trying my hardest to make sure he doesn't know. Anyhow let's see how this plays out.

It doesn’t feel good to be facing elimination especially now that jones is voting me. Any slight deviation from the plan for anyone could lead to my elimination but I hope that now ryan is voting mo that I might just scrape by once again and with jones’ Transparent game she shouldn’t be Long behind Ryan.

lmao so they (michael, david, ahrre, mo) tried to pull off a rly good move flipping their votes onto me. and if only rhys hadn't had to sleep early and didnt vote Mo, I'd be sitting pretty but they did that.... unfortunately for them, apparently Jones fucked up heavily and immediately voted Michael in the revote? did i hear that correctly? KLFSJLDFHS WIG. i kinda feel bad bc... i really should be leaving here but.... wig. I had done some campaigning to Mo before I found this out and think i was making some good groundwork to get him to keep me and he was at least oon the fence, so i might have had a shot even if jones were gonna vote me. but wig.. if she really did that, then that means me and scott have made the final 8 and we still have 2 idols in our pockets WHEW. big moves is coming ladies

This is why people hate the gays smh. Please be ryan please be ryan please be ryan go home Ry ry

ugh can't believe my best friend michael is leaving tonight ): LMSHNBG am i fuck..

legit im sooooo happy ryan is staying altho a little peeved as well tbh.. i coulda had 2 idols :flushed: but i wont complain.............

anyway. i still think jones is crazy n her idea of trying to get me to flip on ryan is absolutely absurd ALMJFNFG like bitch.. i know im on the bottom if i flip im not dumb why do u think i didnt vote mo like u told me to lAMNFHBFG IJS!!

i just gotta win immunity next week n im confirmed at least f5? hopefully? LAMNHFBFG like. i dont wanna. be tied on. and i wanna keep this idol for the l0ong haul. which is why i told ryan and tobi. oooop. LAMNJHBFG.

PROB NOT A GOOD IDEA TELLING TOBI but i rly do trust him this time around... he gives me legit all the tea n i do the same back :flushed:

lolll i lvoe having the worst jury management :))) love sticking to sides :)))) like i aint gunna clear that perception up by voting ryan suck my dick he trusts me and thats all i care about..

like. im gunna be hounded on for not flipping to a side who wants me out n thats so annoying!! i rly cant win aLMFHFG. these cunts can fuck off idc ill argue with every single one of them

michael... he's a cockroach... he wont just DIE like there have been so many times where there was something stopping him from leaving... last round jones wanted felix so we obliged and now its this stupid tie revote kjflkjdf like this is exactly why i wanted him out earlier... getting numbers against him is gonna be hard and i really hope his ass leaves in the revote... he should anyway hehe.. i have a few options going forward and i feel like i could possibly do a lot but the question is do i want to be doing a lot??? if people start thinking that im a threat then shit LMAO but the thing is there are so many goats and pawns (mo, ahrre, david) that if you do anything significant, your threat level is obvious and like i want to take out some of the threats but im worried if i take out too many,,, the goats will become sentient and take my ass out... i just need to take this one vote at a time while planning for the future its simple :^)

ITS BEEN A MESSY 24 HOURS AND HERES THE FUCKING TEA so the vote ended up being a tie. NOT THE ONE I PREDICTED. It ended up being a Michael/Ryan tie. AND IMMEDIATELY AFTER AJ EXPLAINS THE RULES MICHAEL BLOWS UP MY WHOLE FUCKING GAME (almost.) he says “Jones you orchestrated this vote follow through with it” AND IM???? LITERALLY??? Ryan was never a target of mine,,, never the main target I mean BUT NEVER A TARGET. David Mo and Michael all told me that Ryan was gunning for me though,, but that was AFTEr I revoted for Michael sooooooooo that’s the tea. But like,, Michael is,, kind of being an asshole. Very much so. I feel like he’s taking advantage of my emotions to try and manipulate me into Saving him, but I really wouldn’t mind if either him or Ryan went?? Preferably Michael obviously lol. He was never someone I wanted to take to the end anyway, so it’s better to get rid of him while we can lol. Also!!? That dumbass shit that Michael said on hangouts??? Rhys and Ryan made a whole ass 180 in our relationship Bc THEY THOUGHT I VOTED FOR RYAN BC OF WHAT MICHAEL SAID AKDJKDFNJF. Thank god I was actually able to work it out with them, but like,,, fuck that scared me. This is why Michael needs to go Bc he’s a loose cannon and will DESTROY MY GAME. OFF WITH HIS FUCKING HEAD

i finally understand why no one respects Mo as a player lol, he really has no back bone of his own at all..

The vote ties 4-4-1, and Michael is sent home 4-3 after a revote.

[survivormuxloe]

Episode #7: “david smokes WEED. thats his personality in a nutshell.” - Scott

this merge is TEA!!! like honestly i have no idea what i'm gonna do because i actually have so many things i can do in this merge... like i have the choice of realigning with my old tribe or jumping on the other side with some of the others like.... this is exciting!!

MERGE, MOTHEREFFERSSSS. Man, what a time to be alive. Not only did Danielle and Michael survive their tribal, but the original Mercia has now come into the merge with numbers. Beneficial at first, but eventually they all gotta go, haha.

Right now, I'm sitting pretty with two major alliances, both of them have Felix in them as well. The one with Danielle and Michael and the one with Ahrre. Combining these two alliances will be beneficial to me, as well as continuing my social connections with Mo and Tobi. Tobi is a target for me, cuz I know how well liked he can be, so I have to get him before he gets me.

As far as this first immunity challenge, I wanna win to make a statement. I wanna show everyone that I am a fierce competitor in all aspects of the game. And as far as the vote goes, I'm hoping we can get an original Sweyn out. Don't know who yet, but we will have to see based on these challenge results.

Merged? This early WHAT. (Malik was fukin robbed)

Lowkey am nervous, while I dont want to play tribal lines as I think thats boring. I dont want to assume it wont happen. Im in the minority tribe so its something I have to be cautious of. I have to try to branch out to new people and start something soon to put myself into a powerful positon.

Ryan, Jones and Tobi are all good with me from my old tribe. So is Scott from the first tribe. I think this could easily work aswell, as I think Scott is close to ryan and tobi, and maybe if im not mistaken Jones aswell. So this is an easy platform to start from.

However if im honest. I dont think im anyones 1st choice in that allaince. Malik was the only person I knew they had my back. So im going to try to play the line of being inbetween for the first couple of rounds so i can get a solid footing.

WOOO, I MADE THE MERGE. This is the best thing bc now i have options now and im not limited. It seems that it will devolve into a tribal game which i dont want to happen but ill just go with the flow.

okay so hi we MERGED! WHICH WAS MY BIGGEST FUCKING WORRY BC its 7-5 mercia-sweyn now.. and missus david already trying to get mercia to stick together on og lines 24 hrs in.. LMAOOO. like when has that ever fucking worked out saying that dumbass.

like the tea is.. nobody on sweyn is close to wes so its basically 8-4. but i have tobi + michael to make it 6-6.. and im working on mo/ahrre rn just so that they wouldn't personally vote me bc i need to limit the targets so if we need to use ryans idol we can lol.

i still dk how to feel ab dani tho. i feel as if she could play both sides really effectively and thats scary af.. it's just tellin people what they wanna hear to prove im with them and getting them to keep quiet hehe LAMFJNHFBFG

david/wes are the primary targets to go first for me tho. and hopefully i win immunity so my ass aint grass lol

Ayee it's mergeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

So malik is dead and I'm back with all the lads from my og tribe, and I've been getting to know the guys from the other tribe. So scott flipped on Malik last week because it seems that Michael is close to him. Michael already told me David is all about keeping things Mercia strong and he's not feeling it that much, as for me I have no reason to target anyone so I'm gonna lay back and keep my options open.

Unfortunately the I couldn't find the Mercia idol so someone else probably has it I think. However my alliance with Felix and David is still pretty useful because now we're working on getting the merge idol, hopefully we'll get there before anyone else.

As far as the challenge goes the wikipedia search is always fun but I won't try superhard, it might be risky but I would rather be vulnerable these first couple votes instead of making myself a challenge threat.

Oh also the name of the tribe is Kirby, the best smash brothers character, so that's nice

david smokes WEED. thats his personality in a nutshell. cant wait 4 him to leave.

we merged <3__<3 i'm happy. i'm not playing a good game at the moment but i'm here bitch. i'm seemingly in a minority 7 to 5 based on og tribes but i'm not sure if that's strict or not. Scott told me Michael told him that David said he wants og Mercia to stick together... but why would Michael say this to Scott lol idk. I think there are cracks but I'm not going out of my way to find them right now....

also right when we merged, Scott mentioned to me that Jones told him the idol was found... which is funny lol she ran right to him at merge, and has never mentioned idol searching to me. Not surprised or suspicious at all, but noteworthy

omfg you know what's weird.... right after i sent the last confessional i get a pm from Jones and she just brought up how she knows the idol is gonefkadhfasd is she psychic

Hiiii, okay so didn't come close to winning immunity, LOL. But honestly that's actually okay with me. People will probably start to see me less as a physical threat.

Right now, Michael and I are working towards getting Wes out, and then Mo next. Tribe lines are still very much there at least from my perspective, which is better for me cuz I'll always have many options on who to take out.

I have a lot to talk about so I'm just gonna write a whole ass ESSAY IN THIS BITCH (something minor but cute) I CAME UP WITH THE TRIBE NAME!! It's perfect since the color scheme is pink, it's "Kirby Muxloe Castle", AND Kirby is just a pleasant video game character?? I loved it, the tribe loved it, and even if they didn't, AJ picked it anyway! SOOOOO,, life is swell in this chilis tonight,, RN everyone on the merge tribe seems p chill! I've talked with mostly all of them, so I feel like I can give my opinions? I adore Mo and Michael since they're my irl friends obviously,, but I'd love to actually work with them in game more yk? I've only said hi to Felix, but he seems nice. David is a comp threat and apparently he's already thinking about staying Mercia strong like,,,ok bud. Dani seems like a mess btw - A FUN MESS, but we told her twice that the immunity challenge was out and she was still like ????? oh wow???? she seems neat though. ALSO I LOST IMMUNITY. BY A FUCKING LOT. seriously how the fuck does someone get 3 for each wiki link like ???? I'm convinced Rhys is a wizard. Thank god one of my allies is a wizard. Scooty tried making me feel better by telling me I did better than the abstainers like :^) thanks king! um but yeah, it seems like right now the name everyone's throwing out is Wes and I'm totally fine with that - wes hasn't talked to me since we got back together and has proven that he's a challenge threat yk? so yeah, that's my life rn, I'll probably spam the hosts with more confessionals in a few minutes so you're welcome <3

Ok so I just got off a call with Felix and it seems that everyone is voting for Wes which I’m fine with because it isn’t me. BUT. David was the one who threw Wes’s name out to begin with and as we’ve known previously David dropped my name first the round Jose was eliminated and David also immediately threw my name out to Felix during the puzzle round like “If we go home because of Mo we’re voting him out” meanwhile we were on a team with Wes, him being the only person from another tribe on the second Mercia so we know he’s not loyal. So my concern is that next round unless I’m immune, my name will be the first name he drops. I don’t want that and neither does Felix. So Felix is going to talk to some people about voting David out next round and I’m going to talk to Jones about it. I’m close friends with Jones and I know she won’t talk about our conversation to anyone. So if the plan backfires and someone tells David that we’re trying to backdoor him. They’ll tell him that it was Felix who dropped his name thus he’ll probably want him gone over me. I know that’s shady of me but I’m still allied with him and I wouldn’t betray him but it’s more of a last resort plan ahead of time if that makes sense.

i've been quiet for the first few days of merge and just letting people come to my pm's and chatting with them and i think it;s working out rly well for me, i'm laying low and don't think i'm a target... apparently Wes is the prominent plan going around and i haven't heard anything else. Felix messaged me for the first time and we talked for a lil and then he realized who I really was and that was funny fsdjkf. Then he brought up how he thinks David is arrogant and a threat, and how he's preaching to keep Mercia strong.. and he wants to blindside him next round after Wes leaves. wig? i'm down sis lmfao. He was like "I have Mo, who you got?" and i mean idk why my 3 other ppl from Sweyn wouldn't go for that as well, so bam.

but i'm not gonna run to everyone and start initiating that shit bc it aint necessary. i did mention it to Jones on the sly though just bc we were chatting anyway and idk it doesn't hurt to share some tea sometimes lol.

so tribal is Looming. uhm. as far as i know wes is the target by like EVERYONE lmaoo i thought mercia 2.0 was gunna keep him around but nope.. little do they know OG sweyn dont give a shit ab him

and then missus felix goin around saying david is next after wes? bold move cotton lets see if it pays off lol liek we aint even done with this tribal.. and his ass is def gunna overplay doin it WATCH

luckily for me i have michael tellin me everythn.. i have jones who trusts me and we are gunna work with mo.. ryan rhys and tobi all love me. thats at least 6 ppl who have my back so thats 7 votes on my side so.. im kinda untouchable atm and if anyone tried to come for me id know LANDKDNG

ig my hitlist rn is wes > david > dani > felix tbh but thats just tea

These birches. They tried to beat me. But this bitch outsold. I won immunity. Lowkey only tried to win it cause I thought there was a reward and there wasn’t whoops. I also probably only won because I knew what to look for in the challenge cause I’m English.

Anyway this tribal is kinda boring. Like I woke up to the plan being solid and set, on Wes. Which worries me, if this is reoccurring that the plan is sorted when I’m asleep I’m gonna be a goat. This can’t happen.

So I’m told Wes is this vote and next vote is David. Which I’m happy about. As Wes is a goat it seems due to his terrible social game. Which if he stays he would be used as a space which makes it harder for me to stay and set up a winning game. David is someone who probably wouldn’t work with me, so that benefits me him being gone. However i need to make sure I’m 100% safe this next round and the one after. So I need to work on my connections outside people I knew before merge and make an alliance.

Im VERY nervous about this vote i havent been as active as Id like this round so I could be in HUgE trouble let me talk to people and figure out how screwed I am

Working together is for sure the smartest option just to get that damned idol two heads are after all better than one so me and Scott are gonna have that idol. To me the vote is pretty clearly on Wes I’ve heard no opposition and I can’t see anything changing in 3 hours but I’m gonna keep an eye out because who know what will happen.

uhm so. mercia stayin silent in my dms. gr8. :)

im always nerv that im gunna be blindsided but its impossible rn i think ? bc ryan/rhys/jones dont vote me.. tobi wouldnt.. and michael wouldnt.. so itd be 6-6 at best if it was to come down to it. and i feel as if id hear it by now LAMFHNBG

idk i just hate these mercia ppl.. theyre so dry n awful. can og sweyn - wes just be the f4 pls?

Ok so I MERGED and i was so shook because it happened all so fast. This game is flying by for me. I had to abstain from the challenge because I was still on vacation. I’m trying the best I can to stay active and shit but I’m finally home. Wes is gonna be an easy vote this week since everyone says he isnt active and shit LMFAO  

Wes is voted out 10-1-1.