#seems like kanej are parents now

[sweetsault]

One day after taking over another ship Inej finds a baby lynx there in the hold

The cub was probably taken on board to be sold or killed for fur later

Inej gives her a name which means “hope” in Suli

And when the Wraith moors in Ketterdam again Inej shows her to Kaz looking like a proud mother of a 2-year-old

[ruins-and-rewritez]

DAY 8: KNIFE WIFE: Kanej

Sometimes it's hard to know whether the skills that you've adapted to survive are something to be proud of or not. If they've allowed you to keep going shouldn't they be seen as a badge of honor rather than a mark of shame.

Inej often walks that delicate balance between the two never able to decide which side to fall to if she'd ever lost her footing. The choice will be made later, after she's had enough time to make a proper decision, but for now she lets her newfound skills shine.

Her family can't seem to believe that these abilities she's gained with a knife are real and not some sort of trick. As performers they all know quite well that seeing and believing are two very different things.

Inej hits the target, marked on the trunk of a tree, again and again. One blade after another, slice into the bullseye, until the bark in the center has all been chipped away, and her collection falls to the ground with a clang.

Her parents, cousins, the whole family, take a collective pause before bursting into applause. Her uncle (a former knife thrower) gives her a pat on the back for her dexterity. Her cousin Miri asks with bright eyes if she can teach her how to do that (at 8 years old Inej is inclined to say no).

Everyone appears to take this new talent of hers in stride not questioning the reasons behind it or where it was learned and refined. The adults not wanting to turn the conversation to something unpleasant and untouchable, and the children only knowing the Inej was 'away' and not the circumstances that led to her being gone for so long.

Inej knows that the story is probably something they'd want to know, they don't refrain from letting her talk about her trauma but they don't ask either (save simple 'how are you' interactions). Inej can't blame them, she doesn't, they're there when she needs them but they still don't try to force it, it's something she has grown to appreciate, especially on the rarer growing bad days.

They might not ask for the story, but she can't help but watch it replay in her mind with every throw.

Kaz's dark attic room, an over cast sky, training dummies on the far end, bright splotches of red where their hearts would be.

"If you're going to make yourself useful to me, you need to be able to protect yourself when the time comes."

When he first pressed the handle into her palm she flinched, steeled herself, and tried to focus.

"Think as though its and extension of yourself."

Inej grips it better, making it comfortable in her hold, he doesn't correct her, so it must be sufficent.

"Put the weight behind it when you release."

He circles behind her to correct her stance, fear rises in her throat, being unable to see him, but she's the one holding the knife, and that helps.

"Bend your wrist. Like this."

He stands besides her, curling his own small blade toward his arm. She doesn't know whether him not touching her is for Inej or himself, but a small part of her is grateful.

"Dominant leg first."

She follows.

"Sight the target. Breath in. Pull back. Throw. Out."

She watches his every move filing it away, catalouging it, memorizing. It hits the target, a little right of the center.

"Now you."

His instructions are meager, straight to the point, and somehow, all she needs. She visualizes and follows through. She hits the target almost dead on.

Kaz seems relieved at this, or maybe angry, she can't read his expressions, not yet anyway. But the practice continues, and for the most of it she is near perfect. A natural.

He eyes her as their session ends, calculating something in those cold eyes of his.

"No doubt you'll be deadly with a knife. Wraith."

And no doubt, she is.

[sprnklersplashes]

jump then fall (ao3)

part two of the secret lives of ketterdam's teachers. kanej edition.

She is not going to cry.

The staff room is deserted when she enters, emptied out by luck or divine intervention. Inej hurries to the corner of the room, safely tucked away from any nosy Year Ten who would glance through the window. She’s always had a strange gift for fitting into small spots. She never imagined that'd help her teaching career.

Wedged tightly between the computer desk and the wall, she wraps her arms around shoulders and wills herself to be calm. When she tries to breathe, it’s a shaky, shuddering thing, like a car engine that won’t start. It hitches in her chest, once, twice, three times, and then her eyes burn. 

The promise she made to herself slowly slips away, pushed back by a lump in her throat, a tremor in her hands, a wave she can’t hold back. She pushes into the wall as if the shame is a physical thing in front of her. She’s pathetic; she hates it but she knows it. She’s crammed into a corner, sobbing harder than she has in years, all because of a child less than half her age-

“Miss Ghafa?” 

Inej starts. If not for the wall behind her, she’d have jumped ten feet backwards. Heat burns in her cheeks like coals, her gut sinking heavily when she looks up and sees who’s joined her.

“Mister Brekker,” she croaks. 

Kaz Brekker is in all honesty, a mystery. Inej likes to think she knows him better than some others; they co-teach personal development during the spring term and she sat beside him at the school show. They even got roped into doing the Year Seven day trip last year, although Inej wasn’t under any pretences that it’d meant anything. They’ve worked together for years and she knows as much about him as she did at the start. 

Regarding the students, they either think he’s the best teacher to ever exist or they hate him with all they have. He’s not popular with the parents either; he currently (and proudly) holds the record for “most parental complains”. And as for the staff, well, there’s a running joke that they’re not sure he exists. Outside of an odd friendship with Jesper Fahey, he’s clearly not one for socialising. He appears at briefings and meetings and occasionally wanders into the canteen. Staff social events are foreign to him, and the same goes for staff email chains. Mr Brekker is seldom seen outside his classroom, the door to which if kept shut as often as possible. 

Except for now, it seems. Because he’s walking slowly across the cheap carpet, looking at Inej with brown eyes that crease with… dare she say it, concern? Worry?

Saints, has she gotten the famously reclusive teacher out of his nest to come and check on her? Is that where she is right now?

“Is everything quite all right, Miss Ghafa?”

“Yes, yes everything’s fine,” she replies. With a deep breath, she turns her gaze out to the window, her cool fingers ghosting her warm cheek. She feels, rather than sees, Brekker grow still. She even senses his hands folding over his can. He always cuts quite a foreboding image in his all-black ensembles, making students and staff shrink in his presence. Here though, in this empty room, he’s a very different kind of chilling. Inej can wrap herself as tight as she can, but it doesn’t stop the feeling of Brekker seeing past her defenses, right through to the humiliation swelling inside her chest. 

There’s a long, long pause, and then Brekker says quietly, “You don’t look fine.” 

And that’s all it takes.

The tears come in thick, heavy gasps, burning like acid through Inej’s hands. Her shoulders shake, followed by her whole body. The events of the past hour pull back and crash into her like a car driven with a vengeance. Not even the ringing in her ears can block out that students’ words, the way his peers chuckled under their breath, the muttered comments as they left her class.

She grabs the side of the table, and she may have hit the floor, were it not for the chair pushed her way and coffee placed beside her. She takes it almost instinctively, somewhat desperately, the way one would grab a lifeboat in an ocean. Warmth seeps into her hand, and as it does, her mind clears. She feels the carpet against her boots, the chair against her spine. And she also becomes aware of the presence standing a few feet away from her, eyes trained on his own cup. 

Brekker just blinks and then nods to her cup.

“Oat milk, right?”

“Right,” she answers. Under his unreadable gaze, she takes a few sips. As the heat floods her chest, her lungs expand and she can breathe. It doesn’t stop the way shame burns her cheeks, hotter now that Brekker is here witnessing it. But it does keep her where she is, and she isn’t unhappy about that.

Brekker doesn’t press, not initially. He keeps sipping his own coffee, occasionally casting her a glance or rifling through his folder. 

“Rough lesson?” he asks when she’s about halfway through her cup.

“You could say that,” she mutters. She places the cup on the table and looks out the window, keeping her hand tight on the ceramic. Her eyes wander to the window again. The mid-afternoon sun turns the carpark a weak gold, and the third-floor window means she can see all the way to the canals on the other side of Ketterdam. Sights like this usually calm her, but not today. Views and cups of coffee do nothing to quiet the scenes in her head.

“Do you want to perhaps… talk about it?” 

“Just… kids being kids,” she sighs bitterly. “Kids being… awful, terrible kids.” And her, apparently, caring about what those awful, terrible kids think. She leaves that part out though. Just the idea of saying it makes her cringe, let alone saying it to Mr Brekker. His icy glare has sent even the toughest lads scurrying. If she admitted to him what the words of a few obnoxious not-even-teenagers did to her? 

She doesn’t know if he’d laugh. She doesn’t want to find out. 

“You know how it is.”

“Indeed,” he responds. He straightens up and takes another, long sip of coffee. Inej does the same, considering returning to her classroom and hiding out in there, only for Brekker to speak again. “I saw you at the beginning of this period. You had Year Sevens, correct?”

She blinks. “Yeah.”

Brekker’s lip curls into a knowing smile. The motion reminds Inej of a snake.

“And I believe Alby Rollins is in that group, isn’t he?”

Inej stiffens. Saints only know how Brekker figured it out. Maybe he heard Alby saying something, or maybe he overheard her lesson. Maybe it was a lucky guess given the amount of teachers who’ve had issues with Rollins. Whatever it is, just the sound of his name turns Inej’s blood cold, and her mind is blaze once again.

“She won’t do anything. She’s such a useless bloody teacher and this is a stupid fucking-”

“Inej.” She jerks, just barely avoiding spilling her coffee, and suddenly Brekker is closer to her. There’s still enough space for her to breathe, but he’s close enough that she can see the light catch in his eyes and he can certainly see the tears gathering in hers. 

“Sorry,” she mumbles. She clears her throat. “Yes. Yes it was Alby Rollins.” Her sigh is loud, heavy, laced with everything she so desperately wants to get off her chest. “He had some choice opinions on my lesson.” She swallows again. “And my ability to teach it.”

“Well I think the last thing Alby Rollins should be critiquing is someone’s teaching ability,” Brekker sighs. “Not when he’s near the end of Year Seven and couldn’t explain to my market research is important.” Inej frowns, confused, and when Brekker sees it he just shrugs. “I had him for business studies last term. I hated it.” She laughs at that, the sound both unfamiliar and welcome, and pulls her chair closer. “Doesn’t help, of course that his father is an absolute wanker.”

“Brekker!” she scolds. “You can’t just say that-”

“Can’t I?” he asks. His grin is wicked sharp, and his eyes light up when he asks, “Have you ever dealt with his father?” She shakes her head, and now its his turn to laugh. “Last term, after I’d given Alby a detention for disrupting my lesson again, he came in proudly saying that if I tried that again, his father would get me replaced, just like…” He snaps his gloved fingers. “That.”

“Wow,” she breathes. “So did you try it again?”

“I tried it the next lesson,” he responds. “Just had to see what the almighty Mr Rollins had in store for me.”

“And…”

“Well I’m still here, aren’t I?” She’s laughing before she realises it, her smile not disappearing as she downs her coffee. It feels good, really good, sitting and laughing like this. Even if it’s with Kaz Brekker of all people and even if it doesn’t stop the doubts crawling over her like ants.

His bitter-coffee eyes narrow then, and his gaze seems to go right through her.

“Listen, Miss Ghafa,” he tells her. “Alby Rollins is a brat. He’s a brat with a father who thinks he can do no wrong and one day is going to find himself in water so hot even Daddy’s money can’t save him.” He raises his cup. “And when that happens, I personally will be laughing and opening a 70-year-old Scotch and I would be more than happy for you to join me.”

The corners of her mouth curl and she bites back a laugh.

“One would say that’s unprofessional, Brekker.”

“I would say to hell with professionalism.” He pulls on his glove and avoids her gaze. “And I would say that you are a damn good teacher. No matter what some pithy hormonal preteen has to say about it.” He leans back then, leather fingers flexing. With a demeanor as nonchalant as this, he doesn’t look like he should be a teacher. He looks like he should be on a street corner somewhere, running a less-than-legal business venture. He should be changing the world, for better or worse.

“You teach Alina Starkov, don’t you? Year Ten?”

“Yes.”

“She’s in my form,” he tells her. “And according to her, you taught the Suli culture unit better than anyone else could.”

“I am Suli,” she reminds him. “So it’s hardly a fair competition.”

“Tamar Kir-Bataar too,” he says. “This year they said that if they didn’t have you for religionthey would, and I quote, throw themself off the top of this saints forsaken building.” He smiles then, a little bit crooked and with a fondness that doesn’t match his reputation. “I only remember that because I was legally obligated to log it as a safeguarding concern.” Inej huffs a laugh, the sound soft, delicate, like an early spring breeze. Her fingers once again drift to her face, but this time, it’s to hide the growing smile. Even though tears dry under her callouses.

“My point is…” he says. “You are a good teacher. Far too good to care about the opinion of some rotten little twat who drives half the staff here completely insane.”

And then it’s her turn to duck her head. Warmth spreads over her cheeks, but this time it’s not from shame.

“Thank you, Mr Brekker.”

There’s a long, long moment where he says nothing. She watches as he picks up his cane, rolls it between his fingers, and downs his coffee. Without a word, he heads to the door. Unease slowly creeps into her then, threatening to block out everything that’s come before. She doesn’t react as his gloved hand sets on the door handle, forcing herself to look out the window instead. And then-

“It’s Kaz.”

Her head whips around, hair falling in front of her face. He’s still standing at the door, expression unreadable, hand tight around his cane. Even his voice is restrained, tight like the laces on a corset. More like the Mr Brekker the school knows, except-

“We’ve worked together for a few years now. You can call me Kaz.” She nods. The words feel clumsy in her mouth, the syllables unfamiliar, but when she says them, she finds they’re more than welcome. 

“Thank you… Kaz.” 

He nods at her, the gesture charged with meaning she feels she can’t grasp, and then he’s gone. She turns the mug around on the table. A brown ring is already forming beneath it. The clock tells her she has half an hour before her dreaded lunch duty. She could go back to her classroom, open up the admin she needs to get done for the day. Make a dent in it so there’s less to keep her here after three.

She doesn’t. Instead, she tucks her legs beneath her and looks out the window, all the way to glittering canals across the city. She can almost feel what it’s like to be there, salt spray on her face and wind in her hair. Just like how she can still feel Kaz Brekker, tucked in his classroom on the other side of the corridor, somehow brand new and more of a mystery than he ever was before.

[patrocool]

i would love to hear about pekka rollins:( torture fic, honey in your ears, spice in your mouth, slaz crack fic, and trying to change!!!

ooooh okay, so!!

pekka rollins:( torture fic is a rewrite of one of my 'verses from band-aids on our bullet wounds (chaps 21, 25, and 31 i think?) that has been expanded a Lot. it is now 15k words with 6/18 planned chapters written entirely. its @randomcat1832's fault that it is now so long. in this fic, kaz was taken by rollins and tortured for six months. he ends up blinded and Very Fucked up and traumatised, the the fic is over the course of roughly a year after being rescued as he slowly heals and becomes himself again. also trans kaz for the win:)

honey in your ears, spice in your mouth is a companion to my sick fic, and i hate myself every day that's dealt that i couldn't comfort you, where kanej have a fight, inej leaves on the wraith, and kaz ends up getting deathly sick, all in kaz's pov. honey in your ears is inej's pov of all of that!!

slaz crack fic is uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh well. if you know me irl please dont read this. the fic is basically what if,,,, the slat,,,,,, fucked kaz,,,,, and also inej was there

trying to change is a short lil thing inspired by the mother mother song of the same name. it sits unfinished bc i thought it was bad but now reading it, i think it could actually be an interesting start to something. i just,,, dont have a plot for it. but basically, kaz is beating himself up for not immediately becoming Better for inej post-ck

snippets under the cut!

pekka torture:( fic

TW: implied past torture, extreme trauma response, a bit of racism, violence, poor mental state, all around Bad Time, and its in 2nd person!

Most of the townsfolk think Inej is your nurse. You know you should be angry and you think you are, but it feels muted. Distant. As if behind a thick curtain, or perhaps on a separate floor of a house.

(As if you were still in that cellar while your heart was out of your chest, far, far away while Pekka was too damn close–)

You consider using the knife strapped to your arm underneath your sleeve to take a stab at some of the particularly nasty commenters, but it feels more like a learned behavior, a routine you can fall back into rather than an urge in the moment. You think you might be so used to violence that it's become your default, and you hate that you even have to resort to your default when you should be angry. You should be furious–

But you’re not. You’re just numb.

-

honey in your ears, spice in your mouth

Once the letter was in her hands, Specht subtly nodded towards her captain’s quarters. He knew as well as she did that whatever was on that piece of parchment was important– and likely sensitive information.

She didn’t need to be told twice.

She barely even registered Wylan’s wax seal as she cracked it open to Jesper’s familiar scrawl.

It didn’t say much but what it did made her stomach plummet in the worst way.

Wraith,

KB is sick. Raging fever. Called-me-Jordie-again-and-didn’t-seem-to-know-he-was-wrong sort of sick. Don’t know for how long, finding medik.

He keeps mumbling your name.

-J

Within half a bell, the Wraith was heading towards Ketterdam with a vengeance with only the little dinghy sent ahead as a warning.

Tell him I’m on my way, was all she wrote on the return note.

-

slaz crack fic

cw: nsfw lmfao

No one understood Kaz like the Slat did. No one knew what he needed like it did either.

Kaz couldn’t stand the touch of another person, the very thought of skin against his repulsed him, but he was still a man with certain urges and, well. The Slat didn’t exactly have skin, now did it?

-

trying to change

tw: implied parental and child death (kaz's backstory), self hate

“What’s wrong?” She asked, looking him over carefully– he felt her eyes lingering on his still scabbing knuckles and the stiff way his leg was laid out. 

I missed you, he wanted to say. I didn’t have you by my side. I couldn’t do even the one thing you asked of me. I’ve failed you at the very simplest of things, things that Jesper had managed within days of knowing you and yet I still have nightmares about. I can’t do this, I can’t be what you want. I can’t be the man you want me to be– I only know how to be the monster the Barrel made me into.

He turned back to his books. “I’m fine,” he said, stiff as dry wood.

“You’re not,” Inej said, her words cutting through him like a knife.

(Like a plow.)

Kaz swallowed down a lump in his throat and his eyes found the date of the most recent log in his book. He hadn’t changed, and Jordie would never get the chance to. Because that was what it was really about, wasn’t it? That’s what it always was– he couldn’t even just move on with his life. He was forever stuck in this limbo between dead and alive, crumbling under the weight of his dead forever-13-year-old brother.

[winterdawnzephyr]

don't slip away from me // six of crows; kanej

Summary:

“Keep talking, Wraith. Don’t slip away from me,” he had said while he was carrying her back to their boat.

“But it’s what I do best.”

He wondered how, even as he was walking towards her, closer to her, it felt like she was slipping away from him, yet again.

┈┈┈┈․° * °․┈┈┈┈

Kaz's POV at the very end of Crooked Kingdom as he watches Inej be reunited with her family, ready to sail away from Ketterdam for good.

Word Count: 658

Link to AO3 post:

Kaz’s hand still tingled from Inej’s touch as she sprinted down the quay, towards her parents.

He wondered what it would feel like to reunite with long-lost family. He would never know himself. He didn’t want to.

Jordie’s ghost seemed to creep around the edges of his vision. Kaz closed his eyes and forced the ghost’s whispers out of his mind. He would never see Jordie again--Pekka Rollins had made sure of that.

Brick by brick. 

Monsters like him didn’t dwell on such things. Dirtyhands didn’t have the right.

The Wraith was different. She deserved it. After all that she had been through--the slave ship, Tante Heleen, the Ice Court, himself--she had somehow remained kind and gentle and strong, always seeing the good in everyone. 

Kaz wanted to destroy Pekka Rollins for revenge. Inej wanted to hunt human traffickers because it was the right thing to do. Because it was a noble cause. Because she didn’t want others to suffer like she did.

She deserved to be with her family. She deserved to devote her life to hunting down slave ships. She deserved to be free.

He didn’t deserve to be with her, and he sure as hell would not hold her down.

The look in Inej’s eyes as she saw her family on the ship--he had never seen her so startled and speechless before. Inej, the Wraith-- to whom the laws of physics did not apply, who was always light on her feet, who defied gravity--had grabbed onto the sleeves of his suit to steady herself. Kaz could still feel the rapid hammering of her heart when he had put his arms around her, holding her up. 

For a moment, he had thought he’d done the wrong thing. Maybe Inej didn’t want to see her parents after all. Maybe he should have asked her before he planned everything.

But now, as he watched the three figures hugging on the distant platform, surrounded by the grey sea, all the poise and the grace of Suli acrobats vanished, he knew it wasn’t a mistake.

A waving hand shot up among the huddled figure, beckoning him to join in on their reunion. 

Leave. You have to leave, now. Every fibre in his body urged him to walk away. It wasn’t something foreign to him. He had done it so many times, with Jesper, Wylan, Nina. What made this different?

It was easier to let go.

He could turn away right now. He knew Inej would understand. She was used to it, anyway. 

But he had promised her. This was the least he could do. 

It was a joke, really, how after the two of them had spent so many hours plotting and taking on jobs together, spent so much time side by side with knives drawn, pistols blazing during the countless attacks, ambushes and heists, watching each others’ backs, he still felt uncertain about something as simple as meeting her parents. 

But of course, ‘simple’ had been taken away from them long before they had the chance to grow up.

As he made his way hesitantly across the quay, he couldn’t help but remember what Inej had said to him as she was on the verge of dying in his arms--how long ago was it? A year? Months? The Ice Court heist seemed so long ago. 

He had found her, almost lifeless from a wound meant to kill that she made by digging the point of her sharpest dagger into her chest. She was ready to kill herself to avoid dying by the hands of the Dime Lions. She had single-handedly saved them all. 

“Keep talking, Wraith. Don’t slip away from me,” he had said while he was carrying her back to their boat.

“But it’s what I do best.”

He wondered how, even as he was walking towards her, closer to her, it felt like she was slipping away from him, yet again.

[inejswag]

the thing is that i absolutely cannot see kanej becoming parents because i do think their respective Traumas will rule out the possibility of ever having biological children And even though adoption is always an option older!kanej to me are a hot mess at any age and definitely not like. people with their lives together enough in the conventional sense to consiously make the decision to adopt & raise a child BUT all that being said i absolutely absolutely absolutely adore the idea of inej saving a preteen boy from a slaver ship who has already learned to steal & be quiet to survive and has developed some seriously sticky fingers and so she has no choice but to train him in espionage and acrobatics to be a spider of his own and him looking up to her as a cooler older sister and meanwhile in ketterdam kaz is breaking into a rich merchant’s house late at night and runs into a little merchling girl kinda like in the beginning of crooked kingdom but instead of a child he can terrify right out of her wits by simply being Dirtyhands he finds a bird of a feather in the face of a seven year old whose Weird Little Girl phase is in full swing and she is immune to Dirtyhands because she fully believes in morbid supernatural forces but is very nonchanlant and unphased about it all. if anything it turns out she’s very good at understading the adult world especially the merchers’ buisness and she and kaz form an unlikely alliance where she tells him about the comings and goings in her house in a very matter-of-fact telling this new adult friend i just made about my day way without like. being Fully aware that kaz is a dodgy character/she’s giving away sensitive information she shouldn’t be but clearly something is Up with this child and she knows not to tell anyone about kaz but she also trusts him without a second thought. verious shenanigans lead to the girl spending more time in the slat/around kaz - either the good old capturing her for ransom razzle dazzle or she gets lost in the city and found by kaz or simply a neglecting governess. he denies feeling any sort of affection for the girl to everyone even jesper even though he very clearly enjoys her presence and how they can exchange deadpan one-liners in a way that shows they’re the only two people in the world who truly Get the other until inej’s ship rolls in for the first time in a while and she’s being tailed by this bright-eyed boy who looks up to her like she’s the coolest person alive and they both sneak up on kaz who is probably playing an unneccessarily complicated chess-like game of their own creation with the girl and/or telling her a horror bedtime story except they’re taking turns weaving the story until she or both of them fall asleep. like on that moment he kinda has to admit to inej Yes i missed you its been so long also i see youve made a new friend. i must admit i might have made one too.

[frick6101719]

Your Father’s Day Kaz fic has me in my feelings IT WAS SO GOOD would love to see more even just headcanons of Kaz as a dad

Ooooh boy... Anon there is so much more where that came from! I have told myself not to write a Kanej-as-parents fic until after I've finished the one I'm working on now, but that hasn't seemed to stop me from dreaming up almost every detail of Kaz and Inej's lives as parents.

So. Heeeere we go

Kaz and Inej aren't exactly trying, per se, the first time Inej gets pregnant.

They're a little shy of thirty at this point, Jesper and Wylan have two kiddos already, and one night they're at the Van Ecks' for their weekly Monday night dinner (a tradition over a decade strong) and Kaz is playing chess with their oldest, or teaching card tricks to their youngest, and Inej is just overtaken by some maternal instinct watching them she wants one.

She brings it up to Kaz that night that maybe they stop with the preventative measures, and he is completely terrified. I mean, he's always known he likes kids--he thinks they're funny and kind of weird and despite himself he finds their guilelessness and wonder at the world absolutely endearing... but that's not the same thing. I mean a child? Him, a father?

He's not sure. He's not sure he'd be a good dad--he's not sure he's even allowed to want to be, after all the children he's left fatherless, all the fathers whose children he's taken away.

He's never allowed himself to think about it, actually, even after he married Inej. It felt like the whole topic of parenting and fatherhood was off-limits; any time he got close it was just too tender to touch.

But they talk about it a lot, and they eventually decide that they'll stop with the tonics. For a child of Inej's... he can do it.

Inej is away at sea, many months later, when she realises she's pregnant. She had a visit planned to her parents in Ravka which ends up taking up her whole trip because she has a lot to work through--a lot of questions, a lot of fear at the sudden reality of it--and her parents and extended family are a huge help

I have so many thoughts about Inej and motherhood and entire nights spent talking with Mama Ghafa during this trip about what to expect but I'm staying on-topic goddamn it

She's early in her second trimester when she lands back in Ketterdam, and all her plans of how to tell Kaz, and how long to keep it a secret from the Van Ecks go right out the window because she's already in the early days of her second trimester and our tiny little Wraith has nowhere to hide that bump

Kaz is with Jesper and Wylan at their place when Inej arrives, and they all go to meet her at the docks and as soon as he sees her crossing berth twenty-two he knows because he knows her posture, the way she moves, her shape, everything about her so well that he notices immediately the changes to her body and it nearly brings him to his knees.

So she doesn't get to tell Kaz, but she DOES get to tell Jesper and Wylan who--and really I cannot emphasize this enough--could not be more excited.

They make a big scene at the docks; Kaz is still just a little too stunned to tell them to calm down

Over the next few months Kaz definitely spends many sleepless nights just watching Inej sleep, her belly growing more and more noticeable beneath the blankets, wondering if he's going to mess this up somehow, and why he already feels like a part of him has been ripped out and laid bare before the world, vulnerable, delicate.

He would already do anything and everything to keep her safe, to make her happy, even though little Rosanna Marya Rietveld is still months away from joining him in the big wide world.

(They decide to go with Rietveld to keep her safe, because she's only a baby, and growing up with the name Brekker or Ghafa might make her a target, and they will do anything to avoid that. So while they have other roles and names in their other lives, as a family they're the Rietvelds 🖤)

He's a fucking mess all throughout the birth--Inej's parents come over weeks before her due date so Mama Grandma Ghafa can deliver the baby, and thank the saints Grandpa Ghafa is there because Kaz is a mess--he can't bear to hear Inej in pain--and he could use a distraction. Stories of his wife as a baby, told in the calm, soothing voice of her loving father = just the distraction he needs.

Kaz barely sleeps the week after Rosanna is born, which Inej doesn't mind because it means she gets rest, but when he finally confides in her that all he can think about is Pekka Rollins, on his knees, begging for the life of his little Kaelish prince and how easy it would have been to actually hurt the boy... well, they have to deal with that.

He lies with his head in her lap and she plays with his hair in the way she knows relaxes him, and tells him that Rosie is safe, that no one can protect her like the two of them, that there isn't a person in the world she would trust with their baby's life like she trusts him.

It works pretty well.

Of course, Kaz being the control freak that he is, and being more than a little anxious about Rosie, means that Inej also has to constantly tell him no, he can't pick her up any time she even thinks about crying, she needs some discipline and she needs a schedule Kaz stop it she needs to go for her nap not another walk around the garden!

Yeah from day one he is absolutely wrapped around her little finger.

About two years after Rosanna is born, they're lying in bed, tangled together in the sheets on a hot summer night, and Inej takes his hand and gently spreads his fingers across her stomach. Kaz is like "ahh nice" and then "wait a minute" and sits bolt upright and doesn't even have to ask, Inej is smiling and laughing and nodding and this time there are no mixed emotions he's only excited because they're having another baby

Another baby girl, it turns out--Jasmijn Anaya Rietveld. Inej is shocked by the almost red hue of her hair--a drastic contrast to Rosie's near-black--but Kaz just shrugs and says Jordie's hair was kind of red when he was a kid and Inej is delighted she had no idea!

Now that they're evenly matched, parents to children, life becomes more complicated, and even with all their money Kaz simply does not trust almost anyone to help take care of the girls (Marya Hendricks is one exception). He ends up stepping a bit back from Dreg business to help take care of the girls when they're very little. Thankfully by this point the Dregs business practically runs itself, and he can take meetings at the house with his most trusted lieutenants (like Anika and Pim) to stay on top of things.

He's super involved, but his actual parenting takes a long time to get right. It's many, many years before he loses the instinct to praise the girls when they find a creative way to skirt the rules

Just kidding that instinct never goes away; he always feels proud when they manage to disobey without breaking a rule. He just gets better at being stern while reprimanding them and waiting until he's turned away to beam with pride.

He also makes the rules increasingly elaborate and detailed--he'll get rid of vague wording and imprecision as best as he can, and then it's a win-win: either they learn to follow the rules or they get really good at finding loopholes.

"Contracts, Kaz. You've got our daughters signing contracts"

"Don't be ridiculous Inej; any thinking judge would spot lesion a mile away--there's no way these 'contracts' are valid."

Then there are their little rituals; both girls know if they wake up early they can have a hot chocolate with Da before he goes to work, and they know that if they ask very nicely, and it's not too close to bedtime, he'll play them their favourite songs on the piano, so they can dance around the parlour like little hooligans until they're so tired he and Inej have to carry them upstairs to bed.

They also know that when Kaz is working from home, if they're quiet, they can go sit with him in his office. Jasmijn always climbs on his lap--she knows she has to stay on his good leg--which is lovely (years of hard work with Inej mean he never recoils at his daughters' touch), but it's never long before Jas gets chatty. Kaz never tells her she has to go, but Rosie (who is usually sitting in a chair in the corner of the office, reading a book) will repeatedly tell her to shhh Jas, Da is working.

Kaz teaches them to be dangerous girls, just like their Mama. He'll make sure they never ever need to be, but he and Inej agree that they're going to be straightforward with the girls about their lives, and that means they learn how to pick locks and fight dirty at three and six years old.

They get their knife-throwing lessons from Mama too. Strangely, no one has to teach them how to climb the side of a building.

Anyway. Rosanna and Jasmijn grow up loved to death by their Mama and Da, and of course all their numerous "aunts" and "uncles" (aka any of the higher-ranking Dregs with enough guts to teach the girls to call them aunt or uncle).

And every time Inej wakes up to find the other side of the bed empty, she doesn't worry. She knows she'll find Kaz in the chair in the girls' room, awake and watching them silently. She'll fall back asleep thinking how her Papa was right--she did find a boy who gave her her favourite flowers.

[simplylupin]

if you haven’t read Dealing with Our Demons by @ravenyenn19 on ao3  .......what are you doing with your life tbh

it’s one of my favourite fics ever i would marry it if i could

it’s a kanej fic but there’s actually a plot as well, and when i tell you the plot is ✨flawless ✨. so far, it’s 400k words long and i haven’t been bored of the plot once. AND if you do get bored (weirdo) the fic is split into ‘seasons’ and around every 20 chapters there is a clear stopping point. i recommend reading the whole thing because it is actually a piece of art. i want to hang it on my wall. i want to paint the words on every building, i want to stick the quotes on my forehead.

it starts pretty much straight after Crooked Kingdom, which to me is perfect because i never want CK to end (leigh you ruined my life) and the kanej development throughout......*chiefs kiss*

IT’S EXACTLY HOW I IMAGINED THEIR RELATIONSHIP

IT’S NOT RUSHED AND IT STAYS TRUE TO THE BOOKS IN THAT SENSE AND AHHAUFJKDSBFSKL IT’S SO PERFECT PLS JUST READ IT

and ofc there’s wesper and characters from SOC but it is mainly focussed on inej and kaz. also the POV switches between them so you get the best of both worlds!!!!!!!! you also get to meet inej’s parents and......i want them to adopt me

the ratio of angst : fluff is PERFECT, the amount of times i’ve cried because of this fic is unreal i can’t lie. BUT it’s also made me laugh. out loud. at 2:00AM. i’ve had to cover my face with my pillow because i was laughing too hard (same with the crying but we don’t talk about that). 

bare in mind i started reading it when there was around 80 chapters (there’s 108 currently) and 300k words, I READ IT IN 3 DAYS

3 DAYS

IT WAS SO GOOD I READ 100K WORDS A DAY

AND NOT EVEN A FULL DAY

PROBABLY 4 HOURS AT NIGHT

it’s so good omfg

kanej’s trauma is a significant part of it (hence the title) so be mindful of that, but it is written so so so well andddd there are necessary content warnings at the start of those chapters. 

it isn’t finished yet (thank god i couldn’t cope if it ends soon) but the updates are pretty regular and consistent and literally no chapter disappoints. 

apart from the recent chapter made me sob ha lol

anywayssssssss

the author makes me so happy IF YOU’RE READING THIS @ravenyenn19 HI YOU SEEM LIKE SUCH A NICE PERSON AND I LOVE YOUR CHAPTER NOTES AT THE START I GET SO HAPPY WHEN I SEE HOW LONG THEY ARE BECAUSE YOU INTERACT WITH US AND YOU’RE SO COOL AND NICE AND HI

read it. right now. 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27852922/chapters/68193662

[wagner-fell]

I am still very new to this website and I don’t know how link a post but this fic is based on a post by @sandersgrey

(If someone reading this knows how to link a post please either explain it to me or link it in the comments because that post is *amazing*)

“Hmmm,” said Tessa, depositing Mina into Kit’s waiting arms and examining her buzzing phone critically. She shot a quizzical look in his direction.

Jem looked up from his novel. “What is ‘hmmm’, my love?”

Kit mimed vomiting but stopped dead in his tracks when she replied, “it’s Astrid’s mother. You remember her from parent teacher night, don’t you, my darling?” Kit swears they were being extra insufferable just to mess with him but he didn’t have the time to be annoyed when Astrid’s. Mom. Was. Calling. Tessa.

To understand why Kit was panicking as much as he was, you must know that Astrid’s mom was incredibly chill. She never got mad. The worst punishment she’d ever given her daughter was taking away her iPod for a week so she couldn’t listen to Mitski.

Was she calling about last night when Astrid, Mari and Kit threw eggs at the Shadowhunter’s that were giving Mari’s pack a hard time for no reason? No, that couldn’t be it. She’d given them the eggs.

Could the call be about the day before yesterday when Kit and Astrid got distracted doing homework and ended up snapping the coffee table clean in half while battling gladiator style with pool noodles? No, that wasn’t it. She’d just handed Astrid a twenty and told them to go to Kevin’s parents' shop and get a new one. Was she pissed because they ended up spending the money on ice cream instead? No, they ended up finding a table for free in the rubbing bin outside a fancy hotel.

Kit clutched his sister to his chest and prepared for the worst.

“Seo-yoon! What can I do for- Oh, hello Astrid!” Tessa paused briefly, presumably to listen to Astrid speak, and Kit sighed in relief.

“Kit is occupied at the moment but I can relay the message.” Another pause. “Oh don’t be frightened of me. I’m a tots rad mom. Your secret is safe with me.” Kit felt his face flush red as he heard his best friend’s laughter echo across the living room. “Okay! I’ll let him know. He has to get Mina to sleep before he can leave though. Lord knows he’s the only one who can these days.” Tessa chuckled at something Astrid said before wishing her good luck in her endeavour and ending the call.

She turned her attention back to Kit. “Astrid needs your help breaking into your teacher’s home to retrieve her cell phone.”

Kit blinked at her, dumbfounded. “You aren’t mad I’m going to go break the law?”

Because of course he was doing it. Astrid’s dad had bought it for her and he was extremely cautious about money. That was one of three things Kit knew about her dad. He was cheap, he lived in America and he loved the movie Fight Club.

Tessa ruffled Kit’s hair affectionately. “Please. I’ve raised two other Herondales. At least I know about this particular adventure beforehand.”

Mina began snoring softly and Kit handed her back to her mother. He grabbed his bag and started his journey to the door when Tessa added, “she also told me to say hi to a ‘daddy Kit’. Are you ‘daddy Kit?’”

‘Daddy Kit’ closed his eyes and wished for the sweet release of death.

“Why is Kit a daddy,” Jem asked, genuinely confused. “Aren’t I the daddy?”

Kit swung the door open so fast not even a speed rune could have aided him. But not before I heard Tessa reply, “Lily Chen certainly thinks so.”

Mrs. MacNamara clapped her hands together. “Why don’t we all go around and say a few things about ourselves?”

Kit buried his face into his hands. He’d been relieved when no other teacher had fulfilled the Disney channel stereotype of making every student introduce themselves to the new kid. But Mrs. MacNamara didn’t even seem to realize what she was doing.

All Kit’s fellow classmates groan. Expect one. Her hand shot up immediately. She was short, like smaller than Clary short. She wore a baggy pink shirt with the words ‘Queen Glimmer of Etheria’ sewed on with purple sequins and tight black jeans. Her colourful, choppy hair was in a low ponytail and she flew a few strands out of her eyes as her hand wiggled in the hair.

Mrs. MacNamara pointed at her. She stood up and smiled at Kit. “Hi. My name is Astrid. My hobbies include making my little cousin’s girl Barbies kiss, as it should be, and watching television shows where everyone is a terrible person so you can love all of them!”

“And what shows might that be?” asked Kit, already in the process of pulling out his phone and opening the Notes app.

“Grey’s Anatomy, Glee, Grey’s Anatomy again because it’s seventeen seasons as of right now. And to be fair it practically became a different show when they killed off Mark Sloan.”

“That’s enough, Miss Yang,” said Mrs. MacNamara. Astrid sat down and winked at Kit. Then she took out her phone and airdropped him a complete list of all her favorite shows, along with her number.

After Blessica’s pre-birthday birthday party, they went to Cirenworth and stayed up till four A.M. binging them.

They met outside a queer dry bar called Aries Not Welcome, the unspoken gathering place of the Merry Hoes. It was run by a poly lesbian couple in their mid-thirties. Quinn, Sydney and Aliyah may not have served alcohol but at least they were open 24/7.

“Did you bring the shit?”

Kit gave her a look. “The shit? How conclusive.”

“Shut up. You know, the shadowhunter thing.”

“The shadowhunter thing?”

“The, the, the glow stick that you draw with.”

“The glow stick that I draw wi-“ Kit closed his eyes briefly. “Do you mean a stele?”

Astrid snapped her fingers. “That’s it!” Kit shook his head in exasperation, smiling fondly. “I borrowed a torch from Quinn, let’s move.”

“Should I be worried that you know where Mr. Smith lives?” questioned Kit as he followed Astrid’s lead through the park.

“Should I be worried that your mom was fine with us breaking and entering?” she shot back playfully. Kit pushed Astrid and she fell off the path, laughing all the way.

“You called me ‘daddy’ to my mom’s face.”

She just laughed harder, slinging her arm around Kit’s shoulder. “It was over the phone, Christopher. And as I should.”

“Pffffttt. Why did you get your phone taken anyway?” She put her hands into her jumper pocket and looked at the ground. “Astrid.” She remained silent. “Astrid?”

She mumbled something under her breath. “What?” asked Kit.

“I WAS READING NINEJ FANFICTION!” she shouted.

Kit gasped. “I thought you were a die hard Kanej shipper,” he whispered.

“I’m a multishipper, okay?!” she replied, equally quiet.

“Does Blessica know?”

She shook her head. “And she will never find out.”

Kit saw the opportunity and he seized it. “She’ll never find out as long as you never call me daddy in front of either of my parents.”

She removed her arm from his shoulder and guided them out of the park, in the direction of the many apartments that lined this side of town. “I hate you.”

“Well, so does Mari. You're not special, Ast.”

She rolled her eyes. “You know Mari doesn’t actually hate you, right?! They’re just still in the enemy phase of your enemies-to-lovers romance. She only dislikes you because they feel something for you but they don’t know what so she interrupts it as loathing. In reality, her inner soul knows you’re hot and shmexie.”

Kit didn’t know how to process this so he just nodded and follow Astrid in silence to Mr. Smith’s house. (Plus, he was kinda glad that, according to his best friend, he had a little more time for Mari to ‘discover their true feelings’. If Kit screwed this up, he was out of countries to run off to.)

“Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me.”

“What,” asked Kit, turning around to face Astrid and closing the drawer he was rifling through. “Did you find your phone?”

“Yeah. But I also found Blessica’s. She was Snapping Kevin. Platonic my ass. But he took the fucking trans flag out of her phone!”

Kit snatched Blessica’s phone out of her hand to examine it for herself. She was telling the truth. Where the glitter pride flag usually rested was just a clear purple case. Kit couldn’t believe his eyes.

“It’s one thing to misgender her every day.” Blessica had forced all four of the other Merry Hoes to sign a contract saying they wouldn’t do anything to harm him because of it. “But this is the last straw. You know what we have to do.” Oops.

“Yeah, but we don’t have any spray paint.”

Kit eyed Mr. Smith’s pink sofa, blue bar stool covers and white picture frames. “I think I have something better in mind.”

It would have been easier for both parties to just zip off the sofa cushions and tape them to the wall but by ripping them off in strips, they ensured he would have to buy new ones. And judging by the car he drove and the fiji water in his fridge, Mr. Smith could definitely afford it.

That reminded him, “I’ll finish up with this. Go put all his fiji water into my bag.” Astrid saluted him and ran off. “Wait.” She stopped and looked at him. “Steal all the remotes you can find.”

“How is he not awake?,” asked Astrid as they ripped the fabric of his seating from the stool.

He shrugged. “Don’t question it.” He shoved the bundle of cloth into her arms. “Glue this above the pink. I’ll handle the frames.”

“Say the magic word,” she sang.

“Please?”

“No. Lesbian. Come on, I thought you knew me better than that.”

Kit laughed quietly. “Can you lesbian glue this above the pink?”

She grinned at Kit. “It would be my pleasure.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hello! Sorry I haven’t written anything in so long. School just restarted and it has been…a lot.

@adoravel-fenomeno @thechangeling @the-blackdale @the-wckd-powers @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood @im-not-ruined-im-ruination @ithurielkeepsgettingkidnapped @noah-herondale-lightwood @arangiajoan @shelvesofgold @maxboythedog @book-dragon-not-worm @hardlymatters

Very sorry if I forgot anyone. Lmk if you want to be addEd/removEd from the tag list.

[manikas-whims]

for quick headcanons: soc ships proposals

these are simply my take, you don't have to agree. and if you wanna add something, reblog and do add your own spin :3

⚠ Warning ⚠ Long Post.

WESPER

• Since their anniversary as an official couple is coming up soon, Wylan decides to propose.

• But he realizes planning isn't exactly his best forte and seeks help from none other than Ketterdam's best schemer Dirtyhands himself.

• Kaz is flattered but even he is weak when it comes to the matter of hearts. He still agrees though, provided Wylan invests a bit in his newly brought club around the Lid. Wylan agrees.

• So Kaz simply asks Wylan to bring Jesper with him to the Fifth Harbour on the day of the event. Wylan is suspicious but he agrees in the end.

• Wylan manages to keep Jesper busy by portraying as a model for Marya's next painting, just so he can go out and pick a ring.

• When the day arrives, Wylan asks Jesper to meet him at the Fifth Harbour by 6 bells.

• Jesper being bad at dates doesn't remember if its because of some special occasion. So he decides to keep it safe and buys a bottle of expensive alcohol.

• When Wylan and Jesper arrive on time, they're both too shocked to speak, their mouths wide open.

• Kaz being Kaz has got the whole harbour decorated in traditional Kerch and Zemeni colors for the duo. There's fairy lights hanging all over, varying cuisines that Jesper has never seen in his life before and a band hired to play throughout the night.

• As they walk in, they spot Nina speaking with Colm Fahey who got invited earlier on by Kaz and Inej gave the man a lift on her Wraith as she herself didn't want to miss two of her favorite people's proposal.

• Jesper is slightly worried because of his father's presence, even more worried because he believes today's supposed to be some big event that only he can't seem to remember.

• Matthias is standing with a Priest and he comes over to congratulate Wylan & Jesper.

• The pair is very confused and so Matthias quirks his brows and tells them: "Brekker said you're getting married."

• The bottle of alcohol in Jesper's hand drops and Wylan is stuttering, unable to form coherent words. He finally yells: "This isn't what I asked Kaz!"

• Kaz finally shows up, Inej at his side. Everyone's staring at him and he shrugs. "What? Too much."

• After a few minutes of yelling and chaos between their squad, the situation is finally calmed down.

• Wylan rummages out the ring from his pocket— a golden band with their initials 'W+J' engraved in it along with intricate patterns. He looks at Jesper. "So amongst all this extravaganza, if I tell you that I want you to adore my stupid face for the rest of our lives, will you?"

• Jesper is wide eyed and has that kinda dubious expression because Wylan has managed to surprise him yet again. So he just tries to collect himself and goes, "Ofc! I already told you I like your stupid face."

• They hug and kiss and everyone cheers. Nina proposes an after-party with waffles.

• Kaz suggests they could still get married cause we know he's secretly the biggest Wesper shipper xD

Thankfully Inej drags him away.

• The actual wedding takes place a month later and yes, Kaz is the wedding planner. Kuwei is that uninvited guest..:)

HELNIK

• Nina keeps joking about wanting Matthias to propose. But she doesn't realise all her meaningless teasing has actually spurred him into action.

• He's secretly making plans and has only told Inej and Wylan about this because he knows Jesper will end up babbling. And Kaz is the last person he wants to take help from.

• He needs a place and proper timing. Inej takes up that task on herself and somehow convinces Kaz to let them use The Crow Club for just one evening.

• Wylan helps Matthias in purchasing a custom ring with a heart-shaped ruby. With his newly acquired mercher title, Wylan’s got connections with the best jewelers in Ketterdam. Marya also tags along cause she believes they'll need a woman's opinion on this.

• So on the day of the event, when Nina is coaxed into wearing the best replica of a Ravkan Kefta and brought into the Crow Club by Inej, she's excited but also wondering whats up.

• Wylan is playing some romantic melody on his flute.

• The whole club is lit by candles and as the members of Dregs part slowly, at the end is Matthias in replica of traditional Fjerdan garbs (another courtesy of Kaz).

• Nina's eyes keep growing wider and she's at a loss of words when Matthias bends on one knee. "Nina Zenik, will you be the beguiling Drusje to this mighty Fjerdan till the end of time?"

• There's tears in her eyes and she looks around everyone. Wylan is smiling, Inej gives a nod, Jesper gives a thumbs up and winks, even Kaz's eyes flash somewhat in approval.

• She looks back to the brave blond soldier she fell for. He must've planned for them to be unified in their own lands' traditional clothes. She smiles, already tearing up. "Saints Matthias, I'm supposed to be the one full of surprises." She messily wipes her eyes and mumbles, "I..will."

• The whole Dregs break into a roar of cheers as Matthias glides the ring on her finger. Marya is clapping her hands in joy.

• Rotty yells from somewhere in the crowd, "KISS HER YOU PODGE!!!" And Matthias tilts his face down. The newly engaged couple share a passionate kiss.

• Their wedding takes place in a Ravkan forest. King Nikolai himself decides to give his blessings (in disguise ofc). Zoya and Genya are there too.

KANEJ

• It will be super vague. Like Kaz and Inej's relationship is built more on silent gazes and fleeting touches. So they've got this unspoken thing going on. They both know they're each-other's but never actually address it.

• Inej has returned from another of her sea adventures and taking a short break in Ketterdam. She's casually sitting by Kaz's window, feeding the crows while he works on his papers.

• He glances at her, mesmerized by the sight of her glowing skin in the evening sun. Her long hair (free for once) sways due to the wind as she peacefully smiles and looks out at the city.

• He just speaks out of nowhere, "Inej?"

She turns her head and looks at him, the smile never leaving her face. "Yes Kaz?"

"Do you want to tie the knot?" he asks.

The smile immediately leaves her face and she frowns, unsure about his words. "I'm afraid I don't understand."

• He puts his pen down, passes a hand through his hair and huffs out a breath.

"I'm saying my dear Wraith," he starts, methodically taking off his gloves and then joins her at the window. He offers his palm and she gladly places her own in it, her eyes somewhat expectant. Kaz quirks his lips slightly and continues, "would you like us to exchange vows and make it official?" He squeezes her palm and gestures between them.

• She's stunned for a moment because between the two of them, its always her initiating any sort of new action— a hug, a kiss,..making love. And it has taken them a good amount of years to reach this level of intimacy without triggering the other’s traumas so its even more shocking that Kaz asks her first. A small part of her had even wanted to propose him some time in the future but now he's clearly beaten her to that.

• "Inej?" Kaz rubs the back of her hand, "if you don't want to—"

"NO! I do!" she says hurriedly before he can take it back and he breaks into that crooked grin of his, fishing out a simple silver band with a single black feather atop it, its end pointy like a knife.

He smoothly slides it onto her finger and they exchange a gleeful smile.

• After a few minutes he goes, "So like..do you want to do this my way or yours?"

And she's confused so he explains. "If its your way, we can have a traditional Suli wedding, whatever your people do and take your parents' blessings."

He adds a dramatic pause later, "If its my way, I'll just ask Specht to put our names on a marriage document and be done with it."

She rolls her eyes.

• In the end, Inej tells the other Crows. Jesper wiggles his brows, teases Kaz but also gives him a big hug. Wylan is surprised but also happy. Matthias is slightly displeased at the holy bronze girl for letting herself be charmed by this notorious demjin. But he does believe that the two belong with no one else and congratulates them.

• Nina takes it upon herself to plan the wedding and decides it should be a Suli one. She wants to see Inej draped in red. But also wants to see Kaz out of his fitting suits for once and in traditional Suli clothes for men.

• Mr. and Mrs. Ghafa find their son-in-law quite odd but give their blessings happily because there's no one else who'll be more suitable for their lovely daughter.

.

Send your SoC Headcanon requests via asks

SoC Masterlist

[vanilla-vivillon]

Hey so I have some ✨Kanej✨ kid headcannons that I’m gonna bother you with

Kaz and Inej never really thought they could have kids

Even without there problems with being intimate

Barrel bosses weren’t suited for spouses and children

And with Inej being gone 75% of the year hunting slavers it was never something they thought they could have

Until one day when Kaz meets a small seven year old suli girl

Kaz was 30 and with him being the king of Ketterdam he kept close track of everyone entering and leaving Ketterdam.

No one could get in or out of there without him knowing.

So imagine his suprise when he walked into his office to find some kid sorting through his papers

At first he simply couldn’t believe it

Then he thought she could be one of his dregs children

With business booming Kaz had more members then ever.

In fact being dregs was more seen as being an employee then a gang member

Especially with how many casinos Brekker owned

So he was positive one of his members lost track of her

He tapped his cane to the floor “You shouldn’t be in here”

The girl looked up from where she was playing with the things on his desk

Straight Black hair that reached her shoulders and watchful hazel eyes peered up at him. She was wearing a black shirt and a small hood. She looked sorta like a spider.

Could she be a spy? Kaz thought

No

She was far to young

Unless was heavily tailored...

Okay he was definitely grasping at straws

“Where are your parents?”

The girl didn’t answer instead looking at him

As if she was sizing him up

This girl was Kerch born and bred alright

“Gone”

Kaz sighed.

An orphan would be annoying to deal with

And how the hell did she even get inside the slat?

“Alright get out then” Kaz snapped

Suddenly Kaz felt the familiar tingling in his neck.

“Kaz what’s going on?” Inej said peering I to the office where the suli girl was

“Who’s this?” Inej asked

“Yes wonderful question Captain who are you?” Kaz snarled turning towards the pest of a human.

Her back stood a bit straighter

“Azriel”

“Is that your real name?” Kaz asked

“No”

“Alright”

“Inej I found this girl here in my office” Kaz said finally turning to Inej

“Your an orphan?” Inej asked

Azriel slowly nodded

“Then I can bring you to the orphanage” Inej said

Azriel hopped off Kazs desk “alright”

Inej picked Azriel up “alright I’ll take her to St. Anastasia’s and then we can finally chat”

Inej had just gotten back from a four month long expedition in the southern colonies and Kaz wasn’t to happy to have to wait Even more

“Then i guess I am doomed to wait for you here” he said sarcastically

Inej laughed the laugh and went with the girl

Kaz and Inej thought that would be the end of that but it seemed the universe wasn’t done toying with them

Kaz was tired

He always was but this time was different

Lately more and more priests and politicians have come to clean up the barrel

This would’ve been a simple annoyance but the problem was they were working. Certain parts of the barrel were better

Really they weren’t even fixing the problem

Just erecting some statues of Kerch Saints

But they were driving away business and Kaz couldn’t keep ignoring them

He could kill them,

Then They’d become martyrs

No he needed a better solution

On top of that Azriel kept getting into the slat

The second time she came back was a lot more destructive

Somehow the little demon got her grubby hands on some pink dye

And the next day a quarter of his members had to go bargain with The Razor Gulls wearing bright pink clothing

It was pretty easy to figure out who did it when kaz found some documents about the laundry gone from his desk. The very desk where Azriel sat on days ago

Azriel was a pain

The priests were a pain

The only balm was that Inej was here and would be for a couple months more

And Kaz loved his ever patient Inej but it seemed this girl was getting on her nerves to.

But Kazs brilliant brain thought he had a solution.

Azriel walked up to him. Now that he saw her again she looked mostly the same. Same cape and hood and black clothing she wore when they met

The timid teacher at the orphanage shook a little

It’s not every day Kaz Brekkker shows up asking about an orphan

“You can leave” Kaz Brekker said

The teacher rushes away hurriedly

“You dyed dregs laundry pink

With a small smirk Azriel said “Yes I did”

She was probably quite pleased with herself

She also has evidently no regard for her life

“I would like to offer you a job”

“I’ll start tomorrow”

“You don’t know what the job is”

“You want me to get rid of the priests”

“That’s right”

A small part of Kazs brain thought that she was to young

But then he was only a bit older when he started working

“Head to the slat and go to my office I’ll get someone to get you a room

Azriel had been working for Kaz for a month now and already three priests have been driven out

It seemed Azriel was quite effective at her job

He had taken a likening towards her although he would never admit it

She was smart

And had quite the sense of humor

“You like her” Jesper said after Azriel walks out of his office after giving a report

“She’s a good employee”

Ignoring Kaz Jesper continued “if she’s your employee why does she live in your apartment?”

“Easier to keep an eye on her. The other dregs haven’t forgotten that there clothes are still pastel pink.”

“Plus” Kaz added “Inej likes her”

It was true Inej had taken a liking to the troublemaker. The girl spoke her Kerch well and spoke not a kick of Suli

Even tho Azriel seemed to enjoy Inejs company she kept locked lips on where exactly she came from.

One day she just appeared in Ketterdam and that was that.

“Is she like your kid?” Jesper pressed

Jesper and wylan themselves had adopted a few and fostered many. Wylan in fact helped start St. Anastasias Orphanage

“Of course not Jesper don’t be a podge”

Of course Jesper was right when five months later Kaz and Inej signed semi legal papers adopting her

Hey y’all this is my first head canon thingie. I take asks about anything in the Grishaverse. Give this a reblog it you made it to the end. Sorry for any grammar errors I made.

Part two https://dablackdahlia.tumblr.com/post/650718731093327872/the-black-dahlia

[bee-a-lover]

I am not completely against the possibility of Kanej having kids; I think it’s possible, but for it to make sense with their characters it would have to:

a.) be far into the future. Years and years from where they are currently in the timeline

b.) their characters would have had to actively been progressing in their healing process across the course of those years, which IS WHAT WE’RE HOPING TO SEE (cough cough SOC 3)

c.) I don’t think their child would be planned. That could mean two things, depending, once again, on where they’ve gotten in their healing process: sudden adoption (which doesn’t seem far-fetched for Ketterdam since the government doesn’t do anything to help its parent-less children) or the kid’s an accident

d.) Either way, Kaz would be the one to have a really difficult time wrapping his head around the thought of him being a parent. Inej might also struggle, but the support of her entire family would help (the kid would have some awesome acrobat grandparents). It wouldn’t really sink in for Kaz until he literally holds his kid for the first time, and then it clicks. He wouldn’t really know how to place the strong emotions he feels at first, but I rly think he would love their child more than he thought capable of himself loving anyone other than Inej

e.) AND THIS ONE IS IMPORTANT: they would move out of Ketterdam right after she (I see them with a daughter) is born, completing Kaz’s character arc because he’s finally leaving the city that he made (almost) everything to him because it took everything from him. Kaz Brekker achieved everything he sought out to do in Ketterdam. The only surprise is, that he now gets to be free at the end. So he sells the Crow Club, the Silver Six, and everything with it. And as he and Inej and their daughter sail away and he watches it disappear on the horizon, the city seems so much smaller than he ever thought.

f.) this is my personal take, but I think they’d join the Suli with Inej’s family in Ravka. It’s a life of movement (I can’t see them settling-down settling down) and Inej gets to raise their daughter the way she was raised, a childhood full of joy and love (that kid would also be a killer acrobat in the future) and Kaz and Inej would go to the ends of the world to keep her safe and protect her.

g.) And just like that, Kaz Brekker is dead. Not actually dead of course (pls, I’m not Leigh Bardugo writing SOC 3 (which better stay a joke)) but he dies when Kaz leaves Ketterdam, in the same way Kaz Rietveld died in the harbor

h.) Kaz and Inej didn’t plan on getting married. They’re already in love, everybody knows it, a ceremony won’t change anything. But Inej’s parents insist on a proper Suli ceremony, and Inej wants to humor them, Kaz is only a tiny bit horrified at the idea, but if Inej is in, so is he

i.) the wedding is small and low-key at the Suli settlement, but of course the guest list includes Jesper, Wylan, their family, everyone’s favorite DILF Colm Fahey (for legal reasons that is a joke), Nina, Hanne, and even Nikolai and Zoya BECAUSE KAZ AND NIKOLAI ARE FRIENDS I DON’T MAKE THE RULES. I also feel like Kuwei would somehow find out and crash the after party because…, he’s Kuwei? And obviously Inej’s parents and Kaz and Inej’s daughter

j.) Kaz hadn’t planned on taking another last name. He’d just been Kaz, but then Inej’s father, who’s conducting the ceremony, refers to him as “Kaz Ghafa” before they make their vows and yeah, that sounds right. He’ll stick with that.

k.) things aren’t perfect after that, but they do their best, for each other, for their daughter, to be people their teenage-selves wouldn’t recognize, would never have expected to be in their future. Their trauma doesn’t just go away. Kaz still finds skin-to-skin contact hard sometimes, but the gloves are long gone. Inej sometimes fears for their daughter because of what happened to her. But for every bad day, there are more good ones, and they’re still capable of getting better

Bonus: they name their daughter Kruge

For legal reasons, that is also a joke (but her middle name is Jordie)

Just…, Kanej happy and at peace. They could use some of that.

OH also, I should mention that this is all after Inej tears down the entire slave trade and Inej has convinced (with help from Queen Zoya of Ravka, King Rasmus and Queen Mila of Fjerda themselves) each country’s government to outlaw and place ample protections against slavery cause c’mon, we all know she could

[neithrain]

kanej physical contact headcanons

*for the record, i have not read king of scars or rule of wolves, only six of crows and crooked kingdom. i’ve also watched the netflix show. this is all just thoughts squeezed from my brain juices for your entertainment

nearly two years

that’s how long it takes for kaz to be able to initiate an embrace

by the end of crooked kingdom, he’s held inej’s hand in his own ungloved grip

two years later, he can finally wrap her arms around her without every nerve in his body screaming to get away

there were moments of remarkable improvement, and then relapses where it seemed he was regressing back into the worst depths of his fears

days where he felt he could hold her hand for hours and others where he could barely let her stand close without being on edge

the random, unpredictable nature of it all demolished every sense of stability his gloves and aversion to touch had gifted him

omitting all physical contact in one’s life was so much simpler and required so much less thought, and his days had just gotten so much harder

but he figured if he had somehow adapted before, he would just have to do it again

inej never pushed or pressured him, but she never coddled him either

and he loved her so much for it

any moments where kaz was struggling to maintain their contact, any doubts cut into his face were only met with patient neutrality from her

her unchanging, steady dark eyes were all that kept him sane sometimes

no irritation, no expectations, no pity, no gentleness

a stare so clear it was a blank slate, an empty page where he could write new stories

perhaps even a story of a man who deserved her

but those days where he reached out first, where he intiated a new touch, those were days where her eyes crinkled as she smiled

sometimes it would take hours, maybe even days of preparing himself for a new wall to tear down, a new piece of armor to remove

other times, he would let his sense of adrenaline take over and force himself to step past his comfort zone

and then inej would readily meet him halfway

one evening, she had been sitting near him on his desk

it was the same sort of conversation they’d had dozens of times before where they planned a new mission. she had tracked down a particularly elusive slaver in ketterdamn and she needed backup to corner them

but now, she was just closer

he had been completely fine with it. it was inej, and there was a familar comfort in her proximity

soon though, after the plan was agreed on, she didn’t seem intent on moving unless he asked her to, and kaz had desperately wanted to take the advantage of the quiet, almost peaceful moment and do something affectionate

a hug was still far too much, but he felt only holding her hand was cheap and easy

“inej,” he murmured

she looked up with those same weighted eyes that anchored him, expectant, waiting for him to finish

so, he extended his bare hand out to cover hers, and raised his other to her cheek

he nearly yanked his hand away upon the heat of her skin, as if she would burn him somehow

but it was just that, the heat, that drove him to settle his hand there

it was warmth. life. better yet, it was hers

she deserved this. deserved affection from the man who loved her without him pulling his hand away in disgust

she deserved a touch laced with trust and free of blood

and maybe, just maybe, he deserved her dark eyes melting in golden candle light instead of moon-soaked ocean water

“we’ll find them, inej,” he told her, taking a deep breath to calm his pulse. “you’ll find them, and they’ll wish they were lost out at sea instead”

she stared up in slight wonder

and then, she grinned

her hand flipped over to intertwine with his, and she watched him give the smallest smile as well

it betrayed his continued effort, and he did not try to hide it

but he was winning

the control was reversing, settling into his hand, and they both knew it

it was progress. visible. palpable.

inej would have thanked the saints, but for once, she felt there was nothing to thank them for

this was kaz. kaz in his entirity.

she was having him without armor, and it was unimagineably better than never having him at all

the weight of his hand was so light it was almost eerie

how could a man named “dirtyhands” have a touch this gentle?

“i know we will,” she said, still smiling, “we’ll find them, and they’ll be drowning before they see us”

“that’s my girl”

one year later, and that moment they shared is haunting kaz

it had been haunting him every day, every time when inej bid him good night before heading off, every moment when he wished he could hug her but couldn’t

he thought he could never see her happier than when she embraced her parents that day at the docks

if he could free her from trafficking, save her from a volcra attack with his cane, and find her parents for her, he could bring himself to do this

he expected the moment he finally hugged her to be something momentous or tragic

momentous as in she somehow managed to slaughter every single slaver in the entirity of ketterdam, or tragic as in she was crying

those were really the only two extremes he could possibly imagine himself finally biting the bullet for

but like when he’d held her cheek, it was another quiet, solitary moment with her

inej had been exhausted from a busy day

their conversation had run dry when they silently realized and agreed that neither of them wanted to talk but both still wished to be in each other’s presence

so they sat on the couch together in front of the fireplace

inej still kept an inch of distance between them in case it was a bad day for kaz, all except for their hands

if nothing else, he had gotten much better at that

the fire had burned into pitiful flames still desperately clinging to the charred wood, and both of them knew it needed fuel

neither were willing to get up and get it though

it would have been uncomfortably dark had they been with literally anyone else

after they had survived the fold though, anything that wasn’t ink-black darkness failed to unsettle them

kaz looked down at their hands, and with much more peace of mind than he ever could have imagined, decided it was time

without a word, he inched closer to inej, turned to face her, and slowly guided her into his arms

he felt her breath still, her eyelashes tickle his neck as she looked up at him in silent shock

his spine stiffened out of instinct, and his heart began thundering

but his touch never wavered

the oddest disconnect between his body and mind raged within him

he had never felt so physically threatened yet so mentally peaceful

his cheek rested on her head, and her breath returned as she gently hooked her arms around his back in return

he knew she felt his heartbeat. knew she felt the unsteady intakes of his breath against her chest

but inej, his wraith, truly the treasure of his heart, smiled against his collarbone and simply rubbed her hand over his back in the most comforting manner possible

she embraced him like he was the most heartbroken man in the world somehow

and he loved her for it

[mostly-delusional]

A Kanej diwali fic

"That's the third time you've tugged on your sleeve in the same minute and it's setting me on edge for no particular reason."

Kaz halted his movements, his right hand hanging in mid-air as he was about to fiddle with his sleeve, unrolling and rolling it again. He glanced at Jesper standing beside him and raised his eyebrows.

Jesper continued, "Honestly, Kaz, it's only been a month since you last saw her. It shouldn't be that hard. Besides, you're going to need a lung transplant soon enough if you keep panting like a dog."

Kaz was thoroughly annoyed. He had been occupying the same spot for what felt like hours with Jesper's continuous babble ringing in his ears. The black leather gloves that usually covered his hands were safely tucked away into the pocket of his jacket. Without them, he felt as if he was stripped naked, all his scars put on display for people to gawk at. His clothes were different from what he preferred wearing. The regular white shirt had been replaced by a plain black kurta with a pathan jacket resting above it, the collar of which prickled his neck. The cane's head felt cold under his palm. Everything felt too foreign, too loud and too wrong.

The glittering lights, lavish rugs and sophisticated folk of Ravka were far cry from the sordid streets of Ketterdam, where crimes were committed as effortlessly as breathing. Everything about the land Kaz stood on screamed of elegance and culture. It made him want to hop on a ship and dive back into the mayhem the Barrel had to offer.

Crossing the true see and visiting the land of Grisha hadn't been a choice. Two weeks ago, Kaz had entered his office in the crow club only to be greeted by an envelope sealed with the double eagle of Ravkan royalty. He had contemplated tossing it among the pile of documents he deemed unnecessary, but a blue geranium placed beside it had changed his original course of action. There had been no whispers of the Wraith being in Ketterdam, but it was not a surprise. Inej was like a phantom passing from one world to another, keeping away from notice.

Although, why she had been the one to deliver a message from the king of Ravka was still a mystery to him.

Kaz did not know what he had expected to be in the letter but it definitely wasn't what he had found upon opening it. Apparently, things were getting a little too boring for his royal highness and he felt the need to organise a little "get-together" for all those who had dedicated the previous months in fighting against the Darkling. As it turned out, nothing about the occasion was little.

A multitude of people occupied the halls of the Little Palace for what everyone around him kept calling Diwali. Kaz remembered Inej talking about how she celebrated the festival with her parents and cousins as a child. But that was all he could recall from the day because he'd been too busy trying to count the moles on her neck as she had sat on the window of his office, her head tipped back against the wall. The setting sun had casted a glow around her and Kaz had been unable to look away.

"Where's Wylan?" Kaz asked in hopes of avoiding another rant from Jesper about how exquisite the palace looked or how much money even a single gem from the chandelier hanging above would cost. "Why don't you go and trail after him like a lost puppy, as you usually do?"

Jesper puckered his face into a scowl, his lips forming a pout that made Kaz want to smack his face repeatedly. "You shouldn't be the one to talk about puppies seeing that you almost drool at the sight of Inej. Speaking of which, where is she?"

"If both of you would stop bickering like an old couple, you would have noticed that she entered the room five minutes ago."

Every single muscle in Kaz's body seemed to tense at Nina's words. His eyes scoured the crowd in desperate attempts of catching a glimpse of the one person he'd been dying to set his sight on.

"Let's give the old man some privacy to collect himself or he might drop dead any second." Kaz could practically feel the identical smirks playing on their lips as Nina dragged Jesper away by his arm.

But none of it seemed to matter because as soon as he saw Inej, it felt like someone pumped a gallon of blood through his heart all at once. The voices around him were muffled, separated by an invisible wall, casting him in a shell of peaceful silence as he looked at the girl who raged a storm in his heart ever since she had entered his life.

There, amidst the cacophony of colours formed by the crowd, Inej looked like a diamond shimmering among shards of glasses in a kaleidoscope. Her hair was like waves of pure earth. Half of it was braided over her head like a crown, the rest openly flowed down her back, softly reflecting the light from the chandelier above. His fingers itched to touch them.

She wore a long skirt which was a red as deep as the most luscious wines found only in the highest scale shops of the Lid. It pleated in a million different folds sure to hold a dozen knives, and fell from her waist in a cascading waterfall that brushed her ankles. The pleats danced along her legs as she waded through the sea of guests, occasionally nodding at those she recognised. It appeared as if she hadn’t yet noticed him standing at the border of the hall.

His heart screamed at him to call her name, to make her look at him, but walking under the glittering lights, it looked as if she had just stepped out of a children's storybook about Saints. Regardless of how ridiculous it sounded, he felt that she would disappear if he got close enough. Her eyes were set on her destination— Jesper, Nina and Wylan standing near a table piled with a variety of delicacies. A soft smile played on her lips as she looked at Jesper arguing with Nina about what was better— waffles or the sweets layed out in front of them.

Kaz wanted nothing more than to shield her from the rest of the world and reserve that smile solely for himself.

Stupid Jesper. Stupid Nina. “Let’s give him some privacy.” What was the point of leaving him alone when Inej didn’t even spare him a single glance?

A part of him wanted to march right up to their little group and place himself in the middle, but his stubborn mind willed him to stay put. He watched as they exchanged hugs and smiled at each other. He watched as Inej asked Jesper something and he spinned around to point right at Kaz’s face. He averted his eyes right in time and hurled curses at Jesper under his breath.

Every passing second seemed to escalate his heartbeat, as if both were trying to outdo each other. His heart hammered against it’s cage, threatening to break free from the restraints and bounce off onto the floor. Kaz could sense Inej’s firm gaze on him as the distance between them shortened with every step she took.

"Hello, Kaz."

Inej had come to stand right in the line of his sight so that he had nowhere else to look apart from her. And saints did he want to keep looking at her.

Kaz let his eyes take in every detail of her face. Her bronze skin had become an even deeper shade after all the time spent at the sea and he wanted nothing more than to cup her face in his hands, caress her cheeks and make sure she was real. Her eyes were lined with kohl and some kind of golden powder covered her lids.

In those brown eyes was the warmth of an everlasting hearth, the laughter of childhood memories, the pride for what she had accomplished in the last few months alone, and there was affection. The way she looked at him made him feel like a broken vase being mended by that gaze alone.

He knew he was supposed to say something to her. Tell her that she looked beautiful. That ever since she had stepped foot in this room—in his life— he had hardly been able to breathe. That if she had willed it, Kaz would have gladly gotten down on his knees and swore his devotion to the saints she now looked so alike. But his mouth and mind never seemed to coordinate.

"Didn't expect I'd see you here." A lie. The only reason Kaz had even considered being a part of the celebration was that he knew Inej was staying in Os Alta to spend some quality time with Nina and Matthias.

From the smile on her face, Kaz suspected she knew he was lying but to his immense relief, she decided to change the subject.

"The aarti is about to begin, let's go." She nodded towards the huge double doors opening into the sweeping grounds and the groups of people leaving through them.

"To my best knowledge, there isn't a temple in or around the Little Palace."

"There wasn't. King Nikolai got one built after Zoya insisted." Inej adjusted the golden dupatta pinned to the shoulder of her blouse so that it covered her palm. With her hand safely enveloped, she grabbed hold of Kaz's wrist and started heading towards where the temple was situated.

The warmth emanating from her palm seeped through the thin fabric and sent shivers up his arm. The water was at bay and the ringing in his ears did not echo as usual. He could do this.

They walked through the doors and out into the open air. Kaz took in a deep breath to calm his nerves. A few paces ahead, the rest of the crows were chattering amongst themselves. Jesper's arms were flailing around as he babbled on about something. Beside him, Wylan was having a hard time keeping up with the conversation and trying not to get hit. Nina and Matthias walked arm in arm, the latter jerking his head in every direction, trying to catch a glimpse of all the decor layed out all around. Every few seconds he would point at something and whisper to Nina who would launch into an explanation of whatever he had asked.

"How is Matthias adjusting to all of this?" Kaz shifted his gaze back to the path he was walking on. Inej's hand felt heavy around his wrist, and he wasn't sure whether he wanted her to let go or hold on tighter.

"Not as bad as you'd think. He kind of isolated himself during the first week and avoided all the grishas, except Nina, of course. But it didn't take him long in warming up to Tolya." Inej explained. "However, he still refuses to be in the same room as Zoya, says it'll take him longer to get used to her."

"I can agree on that," Kaz muttered bitterly under his breath. His mind reeled back to the time when he had to work alongside her in order to help Alina destroy the fold.

Inej snorted on hearing his grumbling. "She's not that bad! Once you gain her trust she can be charming."

"I have no intentions of finding that out."

••••••

The temple was built amid the towering trees past the lake, it's white marble glowing amber due to the countless diyas lit all around it. It sprawled among the woods in its beauty, as if the gods themselves had decided to take a day off and stroll among their mortal devotees.

Walking up the steps to the main praying area was almost peaceful and Kaz was struck by the sudden realisation that he wouldn't mind spending an hour or two sitting right here in solitude.

A soft melody drifted from a group of musicians seated beside the huge altar where statues of gods carved out of marble stood. Bells crafted out of bronze hung from the ceiling and the entire interior was lit with hundreds of glowing candles and iron lanterns. Garlands of marigold wreathed around the circular pillars. A priest took his spot at the front of the room as people piled inside.

As the aarti began, Kaz's attention shifted to the girl beside him. Inej had let go of his hand now, her own raised in front of her chest as she joined her plams together to pray. His wrist felt cold without her warmth and he wanted nothing more than to slide closer to her.

His attention was snatched away from her by the beginning of the aarti, but he did not intend to pay any attention to it, not with Inej standing with him. Not with her being the only person he felt like worshipping.

But Inej seemed to have an objection to his plans because she reached out to lift his hands up and join his palms together.

"I know this is the last place you'd like to be in, but it won't take long, I promise."

And how could he resist when she smiled at him like that? Like his mere presence at this occasion was the only source of her joy. So his own beliefs be damned. He would stand here with his hands joined, listening to the priest begin the aarti. He would stand here until his legs started shaking, until he couldn't bear to be upright anymore, as long as it made Inej happy.

Soon, the prayer came to a close and Inej whispered to him, "Close your eyes and make a wish."

"Wh—"

"Just do it."

He couldn't understand how his wishes would come true simply by closing his eyes and muttering what he wanted in his mind. That was not how things worked. But he did what was asked of him regardless of how ridiculous he found it.

Sounds of explosion began ringing from outside and Kaz froze in his spot, his mind automatically shifting into defence. He felt a hand grabbing hold of his arm.

"Relax, it's just the fireworks." Kaz opened his eyes only to find Inej looking at him in amusement, her eyes glinting with delight. With her hand still resting on his, she dragged him outside, her steps hurried and excited.

The sky was littered with colourful specks of gold and green and blue and colors he couldn't be bothered to name. Everyone gathered in the grounds, their heads tilted upwards as something rocketed towards the heavens, soon bursting into a myriad of sparks, casting tiny star-like dots in the open.

Once again, his eyes found her. Kaz's heart skipped a beat as he looked at Inej, her eyes reflecting the stars above. Strands of hair had gotten lose from the crown atop her head and were now swaying with the breeze. He reached out to tuck them behind her ear, his movements catching her attention.

They were close enough that he could see the deep brown of her eyes along with the twinkle of the fireworks reflecting in those orbs. Close enough to see the mole on the right side of her upper lip. Close enough to feel her breath on his face.

"Back in the temple, what did you wish for?" Inej asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

His lips twisted up to form a teasing smile. "To bury under a pile of millions of kruge."

Another lie, of course.

What he had wished was for Jesper to find a solution to his gambling addiction and learn to accept his grisha powers. For Wylan to restore his relationship with his mother and build a bright future for himself. For Nina to find peace with her new abilities, because he knew she was struggling. For Matthias to find a way to forgive himself for the actions of his past. For him to build a new life with Nina.

But most of all, he wished for Inej to make a place for herself in the world. For her to live a life where she didn't have to worry about the likes of Tante Heleen anymore. And for him to be worthy enough to be a part of that life.

Kaz was so lost in his own thoughts that he did not see Inej raising her dupatta and covering the lower half of his face. He didn't realise he had zoned out until he felt the warm press of her lips against his cheek. His mind became void of thoughts as he felt his stomach somersault in response. The water was still at bay and whispers of Jordie in his head were silenced.

He pressed his forehead to hers as they stood under the glittering night sky. They were enveloped in each other's presence, the rest of the world frozen in time as Inej tethered Kaz to reality.

[turtleofdamascus]

Kanej baby fanon

so this is just a funny comment I have on kaz and inej’s baby in fanfics. I notice that quite a lot of fics seem to be in agreement that their baby would be a girl and I don’t know why it feels so right or fitting. Something about a crimelord having a little daughter is so right. Also, Inej being able to take care of a daughter to be protective over is like her fulfilling what her parents couldn’t do since she was kidnapped at a young age. 

Also find it funny that everyone seems to make the baby have inej’s eyes and kaz’s nose hahahahahah . Lol I have done this myself. 

Now I’m just imagining what it would be like if kaz and inej had a son and they had kaz’s eyes and inej’s nose or something. Or a girl with kaz’s eyes and inej’s nose woah woah. Or a boy with inej’s eyes and kaz’s nose awwww. The combinations that people rarely pick. I’m done. Okay idk why this amuses me so much

[serendipitystation]

Holding Hands - a Kanej fanfic

Read it here, too: AO3

Summary: Several times that Inej and Kaz hold hands and what follows. Slow-burn, oneshot.

Length: Short

A/N:  Writing for these two is difficult, but that's a testament to Leigh Bardugo's wonderfully complex writing more than anything. Cheers, friends :)

i.

The first time that Kaz and Inej hold hands, they stand together looking down at the ship that will take them far apart from one another. To Inej, it is a miracle, a blessing; to Kaz, it is a gift, a tool for good in hands cleaner than his own. They both understand how their paths are destined to diverge, but there is no peace needing to be made with this. Divergence calls to reunion as light calls to dark. Their souls have been in close quarters long enough that a few thousand miles won't shatter their bond. As they watch a boat unload its newcomers to the city, they feel a joy that only the knowledge of better days can create. The darkness will return, but not today. Today is for joy and reunions and the most shockingly pleasant smile that Inej has ever seen on the face of the lord of the crows. Her happiness knows no end. Any prick of pain in Kaz's soul is easily ignored.

ii.

The second time that Kaz and Inej hold hands, Jesper and Wylan are singing the absolute worst song either of them have ever heard. While Specht helps Inej hire a crew for her ship, she and her parents are staying at the Van Eck home at Wylan's insistence. In the moments during which she leaves her parents' sides, Inej watches Wylan graviate towards the warmth of her father's countenance and Jesper flirt in shameless jest with her mother (he backs off slightly when Inej threatens to revoke his skillet bread priviledges). Kaz is the lone statue in the waving grass- he is cordial and as friendly as he's ever been, which doesn't say much, but he keeps a slight distance. One night, after dinner has been devoured, Wylan picks out a folk tune and sings lightly, while Jesper accompanies him with the most off-key harmonies to be heard any side of Ketterdam. As Inej feels Kaz's discomfort like a fog seeping across the floor, she melts into the shadows of a hallway just slow enough for Kaz to catch on. Under the nearly-dark sky of the back garden, they sit on a bench and watch the stars wink to life. Inej gently eases the glove off Kaz's right hand, feeling him tense up and relax with a slow shudder as the glove comes free. As the discordant sounds of their friends float in the cool air, Inej traces the creases of Kaz's hands and Kaz wills himself to not react, to keep his head above water, to let desire overrule history. Each time they touch, he gets better at floating.

iii.

The third time that Kaz and Inej hold hands, Kaz watches Inej giving orders aboard her ship as they prepare for their maiden voyage. She takes to the role of captain like a fish in water, the surety in her actions a strength she will need as she meets the unyielding sea. If she seems green at all for a captain, her crew know better than to question her due to her reputation as the Wraith, if not for her knives. Kaz can see her in his mind's eye, acting as justice's henchwoman among the waves, a puzzle piece that fits perfectly into its surroundings and completes them. He respects her abilities as much as he loves her. Loves. Kaz's mind has used the word before, yet using it now feels like a revelation. If any god were to call out from the heavens and announce him a Grisha, it would be less discordant to Kaz's nature than love in any form. Still, Kaz knows better than to deny the truth. He loves Inej and, in a few days, he will watch her sail away. When Inej comes to stand beside him, a look of satisfaction on her face, Kaz shakily slips his hand into hers. As he does so, Kaz swears she begins to smile.

iv.

The fourth time that Kaz and Inej hold hands, they are saying goodbye. Kaz doesn't do goodbyes- sentimentality shows weakness and he's long vowed to never look weak again. For Inej, however, he makes an exception, at least in private. In the mist of the morning of the launch, he slips onboard the Wraith and down the bustling deck to the quarters below. When he walks into the captains' quarters, Inej doesn't turn her head- she knows he's there; she could hear his lopsided gait all the way down the hall outside. They trade pleasantries about the ship, the voyage, everything but the inevitable goodbye to be faced. It is Inej who breaks gracefully; as Kaz prepares to leave, she walks up to him until they are but inches apart, takes both his hands, and reassures him that she will return. She can see the ice of his eyes melt and lets him thaw. Inej has known that she loves him for some time- unlike Kaz, her trauma isn't rooted in betrayal and she never feared the vulnerability of caring. Her love is a candle that she chooses to let burn, even as she acknowledges that love and destiny are not one and the same. As Kaz bends towards Inej, his forehead touching hers as light as a feather, the candle's flame grows stronger.

vi.

The sixth time that Kaz and Inej hold hands, Kaz's fingers trace a scar on Inej's arm. They sit in Kaz's office in the Slat, where prying eyes can make no assumptions about anything. Inej spent five months at sea before returning to Ketterdam, a length of time that ticked by at a glacial pace on Kaz's end. After regaling Jesper and Wylan with tales of her exploits upon her return, Inej had stolen away to the quiet safety of the Slat where the company was quieter. As Inej answers Kaz's questions with the patience, she adjusts the buttons at her wrists, revealing a flash of ropy skin on one arm. With a frown that stretches into shadows, Kaz reaches out to gently slide up Inej's sleeve, bringing into light the full fresh scar that zigzags up her arm. Kaz's face settles into its familiar scheming expression as the red of rage clouds his vision. Only Inej's voice, the featherlight sweep of her finger across his creased brow, and the shiver that travels his limbs like lightning bring him back to reality. As he wills the anger to subside, he reviews what he knows to be true; Inej is capable, strong, and not needing to be saved. She's no longer his investment- she's here because she chose him. Why his ego is so unperturbed by it all, he doesn't really know. Until Inej speaks up, Kaz doesn't realize that he's smiling.

viii.

The eighth time that Kaz and Inej hold hands, the ghosts that frequent Kaz's room watch them. Night has long fallen over Ketterdam and the prospect of Inej embarking on her next voyage looms over Inej. Her desire for life has not changed, nor has her mission, though it hurts to leave. Tonight, Inej has lingered far past the setting of the sun in Kaz's company. Getting back to her ship would be no problem- captain or Wraith, she walks the streets free of fear- but she doesn't particularly want to leave. As Kaz removes his waistcoat in his bathroom, Inej lays back on his bed and watches him. Out of the corner of his eye, Kaz catches her gaze and sarcastically offers to share the bed. What he doesn't expect is for her to strip down to her vest and pants tuck herself in. When Kaz puts out the lights and slides into the bed that barely fits them both, there's a strange weight that settles in their chests. They stay apart, both unsure. Then Kaz slips his hands into Inej's and the weight lifts and it feels like the world has fallen into place. They watch the dim light of the city carve through the shadows on the ceiling and, as they fall asleep to each other's breathing, the ghosts take the night off.

xii.

The twelfth time that Kaz and Inej hold hands, their faces are grim in the coal-streaked dawn. The hour for casting off from the harbour approaches the Wraith too fast for anyone's liking, but especially for Kaz. Caring is a weary task and a luxury that shadows can't afford, even as his soul becomes more intertwined with the captain whose knives protect a heart he longs to hear beat next to his. In the light of day and surrounded by the waking city, Kaz looks the part of Dirtyhands, all sharp lines and sharper glances. Inej knows that the persona is just that- a front crafted with years of practice, however jaded and survivalist he has become. She can see his mortality in the tells only she knows- the set of his mouth, the crag of his brow, the care with which he watches the crew. She doesn't need to hide anything, not like he does, but no smile graces her lips all the same. When it comes time to cast off, Inej holds Kaz's palms in hers and takes a piece of his heart. Kaz wasn't sure he had one to give away. As he watches the Wraith disappear on the endless gray horizon, he feels the painful pull of it moving farther away. He'll never get used to the sensation.

xiii.

The thirteen time that Kaz and Inej hold hands, it's a bright afternoon. The sea air wends its way through the streets of Ketterdam close to the harbour, stray gulls slicing through the air of the nearby alleyways. Kaz doesn't pass the docks on his way across the city; he rarely needs to these days. With his shares in Fifth Harbour long gone and the sea busy only with the usual flurry of trading ships, there's no reason to visit. If he wishes he had cause to do so, he tells no one. Only Inej would know otherwise, were she present- secrets can't hide from her.

When Kaz makes it to the Slat, it's quiet, as most afternoons find it. The crew are out and about on their assignments, as they should be, even though a few stray folk keep the din of the house to a reasonable level. Kaz walks into his office, fully prepared for a day of reviewing the week's profits, but he knows that the day will prove eternally better the moment he walks in. He can feel Inej's presence before he sees her sitting behind his desk. Inej won't tell him that she bribed Anika to keep the news of her arrival away, nor does she need to mention that she took the rooftops to reach the Slat- he'll already have figured it out. He doesn't need to say he missed her- she can tell from his face and the way he comes around the desk and intertwines his fingers with hers, all while telling her to take her boots off his desk. Neither of them need to say anything. They both know they're where they belong- together.