#sex feels good but i think she's really infatuated with the idea of making love .

[005198s]

if i knew how to write smut.... it'd be over for everyone who's w honeybee

[katarh-mest]

finished Apothecary Diaries light novel 9

Bah, now I have to wait until January 18th for the 10th one to come out in English, but that was some good binge reading.

Spoilery thoughts under the cut. No holds barred. Stay out if you mind. Mostly just trying to untangle stuff that's been rattling around my head as I've inhaled a novel a day for the last week.

JinMao

Maomao quickly got adopted by the aro-ace community (for good reason) but as the series goes on, I think she's probably more of a graysexual / sex neutral. She's not sex repulsed. She was simply raised to view sex as a transactional thing, not a romantic thing, and never saw how it could apply to her. (She lacks certain assets.) She also saw women around her using men and being used in turn, selling their talents and bodies, and decided she wanted no part of that aspect of being a courtesan, because she could see the damage it could do to both parties of the transaction. Her own mother died of an STD. Men in the pleasure district waste all their money chasing fantasies that are not real.

That said, she was trained as a courtesan and knows exactly what women need to do to please men, to the point where she was the one running the darn sex ed class for the rear palace.

I don't think she'll ever change her views on sex as a transaction, but Lahan planted the idea in her head that she'll probably want to have at least one kid for the experience, and there's only one way to do that. So there's her incentive. It's funny because she objectively knows Jinshi is attractive (and has a decent frog, ahem) but that isn't the same as being attracted to him. He makes her flustered sometimes and there's a massive level of denial that comes from her perceived status difference, but as the story progresses, we've learned that status difference isn't nearly as steep as she thinks it is. And you can come to care for someone, even love them in a non romantic way, without being sexually attracted to them. This seems to be about where she is as of volume nine. She doesn't reciprocate his feelings, and she really doesn't understand why he picked her, but there's an affection and some level of resignation that his infatuation hasn't cooled yet, and may not ever. (She hoped it would.)

Then there's Jinshi. I pinned him as the classic nonbinary bisexual stereotype at first too, but he's more of a pure monogamist demisexual type, if anything. (Or as someone put it, he's "Maomaosexual.") Which is a disaster to have as a position such as "imperial male" whose only real job is to try to father as many children as humanly possibly.

I realize now that pretending to be a eunoch in the rear palace was his way of avoiding getting forced into his own political marriages he wasn't interested in. Taking the "eunoch medicine" (was it some sort of proto-spirolectone? was it just a libido blocker? who knows? pretty sure it stopped erections and maybe suppressed facial hair growth to some extent) wasn't a big deal for him because he, too, wasn't particularly interested in sex. Not with the randos who only wanted him for his pretty face. Probably the Emperor being a lusty bear and the horror stories about his grandfather had him also decide he wanted none of that either.

Until he fell in love with Maomao, and then he wanted to have her no matter what it was going to cost him, no matter how long it took. (And no matter how long it took him to convince her to come around to the idea - which he still hasn't done, although it seems she's finally starting to get resigned to it.)

Too bad for him, Maomao being the La princess means that's going to be a messy political marriage too. (And it's what he was trying to avoid! Who could have known that the cute little apothecary that was working as a laundry girl was the missing daughter of General Lakan?) The whole nation is apparently already aware she's been proposed for the position of the Imperial Brother's consort - and her getting dragged on the trip west with Lakan and Jinshi in this current arc is all but declaring her the front runner and daring the other factions to do something about it. I keep thinking back to the hairpins - she has Jinshi's, Gyokuyou's, and even Lihua's hairpins still. At the right place and time, those three could make a powerful statement about how many allies she has in the court.

Other Character Thoughts

The real nonbinary beauty Ah-Duo, who had a hysterectomy alongside Jinshi's birth. (I had one of those myself a few years ago. Its been swell. 10/10 highly recommend if you don't want kids.) In a modern setting you'd probably be able to keep your ovaries, but she likely lost those as well during the traumatic birth, so she went through menopause at the age of 16. That's, uh, not great from a health standpoint, but hey, she's alive, and thanks to the intentional baby swap, her son's alive. She is the mom friend everyone deserves. I'm so happy that after she "retired" that she got her own estate and became the local zookeeper for People Who The Government Had To Pretend Died For Reasons But Didn't Deserve It.

(On that note: We now know for sure that Ah-Duo knows Jinshi is her son. She proposed the swap! Anshi knows; she agreed to the swap and loves her grandson much more than she did her second real son. Suiren knows. The Emperor knows but can't say anything. Luomen knows but won't say anything. Maomao figured it out but also won't say anything. I suspect the women in the Ma family probably figured it out as well - Taimao, Maamao, and Chuo, all independently, and all tacitly keeping the secret. Gaoshun may suspect but like Maomao, knows not to think too hard about it. Gyokyuou does not know; she thinks of Jinshi as a brother-in-law, not a stepson. Probably a good thing, considering they are close in age. I think she knew that the local eunoch running the rear palace was the missing Imperial Brother, and that's how their relationship has always been. And I don't think Jinshi knows he's Ah-Duo's son. It's going to break him if he ever finds out. Being "the spare" his whole life has been bad enough. He definitely never wanted to be first in line.)

There's the bisexual Big Sister Pairen, who could have quit being a courtesan long ago if she wanted to, but she likes sex work and has a libido the exact opposite of Maomaos. Maybe some day her prince Lihaku will be able to afford to buy her out. (Hopefully Maomao gives him tips on how he needs to ride into town. On a white horse. With a parade and stuff.) Having a true sex positive character in the same series as an aro-ace spectrum character to act as a foil is a great contrast. (The fact that Pairen is also implied to be a succubus sucking out men's energy to stay youthful is also funny as heck.)

Then we've got the one off characters, like the Shrine Maiden. They never call her this by name, but today we'd flat out call her trans. Not that she had a choice... she was castrated at birth. I'm happy her tale didn't completely end in tragedy and she's now got a place on Ah-Duo's Government Secret Farm. Same with Suirei - sure, she directly or indirectly caused the deaths of a lot of people as part of a conspiracy to kill Jinshi, but she was ordered to do it by her stepmother. So she didn't have much of a choice.

Same with Lishu. Her life has been one of misery but maybe she'll finally get a chance at a happy ending in a future volume. Hated by her dad. Married to a pedophile (that her father thought might be her real father - fucking EW) .... who promptly died. Sent to the nunnery. Sent right back as a bride to his son, still as a 9 year old. Even more ew. (The emperor absolutely treated her like a daughter the whole time, thank god.) Multiple assassination attempts. Bullied by her own maids. Treated like shit. Threatened to get swapped to the Imperial Prince as a consort. Falsely accused of infidelity because stress stopped her period. Humiliated. Ended up locked in a tower. Drugged. Almost driven to suicide. Saved, but sent right back to the nunnery since clearly she wasn't fit to be a consort.

That poor girl.

But she's still got a chance at happiness, if Basen gets to claim her as his reward. Crossing my fingers for them.

Going Forward

I can't wait til volume 10. Is Lakan getting dragged over there because the Empress's brother is trying to snag Maomao (the only La family princess) as a consort for one of his family members, even as he tries to force a marriage between Jinshi and his own daughter? (Or worse, make her become a middle ranked consort to the emperor as a snub to Gyokuyou?) Or is it genuinely because there's war brewing and the general is needed to help make plans?

[kteezy997]

The Other Man- Part Eight// t.c.

I am so very sorry for the delay!

Warnings: cursing, kissing, brief smut, maybe some angst?

“Amelia?” Timmy couldn’t believe it. “What are you doing here?”

The model looked at him and at you with a perplexed expression. “I came to surprise you. And you always stay in the same room when you’re at this hotel. Are you…fucking her? Isn’t she married?!”

“Amelia, it’s none of your business what I do, or who I do it with. You and I are not together!” Timmy started out speaking calmly but remained extra firm in the last sentence.

“On paper, we are! So you don’t think I have a right to know who you’re screwing behind my back?!” Amelia yelled at him and began to cry.

“Okay, okay. This is crazy, Amelia, I never made any promises to you. We have a contract, but that’s it. I care for you as a friend, I do, but-"

“Timothée, I love you! I would do anything for you to love me back.” The poor girl was full on sobbing now.

You felt wildly uncomfortable. You wanted to shut the door in Amelia’s pretty, crying face and forget about all of this. But that couldn’t happen.

Timmy took a breath, picked up a shirt to throw on, and walked over to you, “Just let me talk to her, only for a minute.” he squeezed your hand, “Stay here, baby, please.” he pleaded with his eyes as well as his words.

You didn’t like the idea of him leaving you to go off with some other woman. But perhaps it was good on his behalf to try and let her down easy. You were confident in your relationship and in Timmy’s feelings for you, so you weren’t worried that he’d choose her over you or anything like that. He had informed you that he'd didn't like her that way, and he had just said it to Amelia herself.

You didn’t know what to do with yourself. At the least, you could put some clothes on.

You put on some pajamas and waited for him to come back. The pizza was delivered, but you set it on the counter, and it remained untouched. There was no way you could eat; you were growing more anxious as the time drew on. Amelia must have been really upset by his rejection if it was taking so long to get her calmed down.

It was a half hour before Timmy came back to your room. It was only a matter of seconds when you realized he was not himself. Whatever happened, whatever it was that was said between him and Amelia had an impact on him. He looked so downtrodden.

“Timmy, are you okay?”

He inhaled sharply, shaking his head, he said, "She's pregnant. And it's mine."

Your heart sank. His news hit you like a stiff gust of wind. You felt like your world was crashing down around you, and you had no power to stop it.

You were really at a loss for words. "Oh, shit."

"Yeah, that's what I said too." Timmy responded, "Apparently she's known for weeks but she's just now telling me."

"And you believe her?"

"She showed me the ultrasound."

"But how can you be sure it's yours?"

"She said she's three months along, and that's the last time I had sex with her." he ran his fingers through his hair, sighing. He seemed so exhausted and mind boggled. He looked at you, "I'm so sorry, y/n. I never thought in a million years this would happen. She told me that she was on the pill. She said there was no way she could get pregnant." He walked over to sit down on the couch.

You honestly felt so sorry for him. This was the man you loved. The possibility of him having a baby with someone else wasn't going to make your feelings go away. If he was hurting, you were hurting too.

Now you were growing suspicious of Amelia. Was she so deeply infatuated with him that she would deceive him into impregnating her, just to keep him for herself?

"Do you think she got pregnant on purpose?" you asked him, sitting next to him.

"That's the fucked up part: I think she did. She didn't come out and admit that," he put his chin on his balled up fists, "but she did say that if I don't stay with her and claim her and the kid, she'll tell the media that I made promises to her and now I'm abandoning her and our child. She'll try to ruin my career."

"What a fucking bitch." you said, you were fuming mad at this realization. You had it in your right mind to find Amelia and beat the hell out of her. But if she was really pregnant, that would be a no go.

He scoffed, "Yeah. What the fuck am I gonna do? Why is this happening?" he put his hands over his face and crashed backwards into the couch.

It was killing you to see him so distressed. You just hated the situation, and wanted it to go away, even if not permanently. You put your hand on his head, and softly started to pet his hair. “Is there anything I can do for you?"

Timmy put his hands down and he sighed, "I don’t know. Do you still love me?" he asked, looking in your eyes.

You laughed, "Of course I do. You haven't done anything wrong, so why would I stop loving you?”

He sat up, leaned in and kissed you. "I just don't want to lose you." He then rested his forehead on yours.

You put your hands on his upper arms, lovingly rubbing them. "You won't lose me. I'm here for you, Timothee, just like you've been here for me. I love you." You pulled him into a hug. You wanted him to feel comforted more than anything. You would be his security blanket.

He nuzzled his face into your neck, "I love you too, baby." he said against your skin. After a moment, he looked at you, kissed your lips, and climbed on top of you. "Let me love you." he cooed.

You welcomed the warm pressure of his body on yours, you held him close as he kissed you tenderly. He pushed your pj shorts to the side, slid down the front of his pants, and nudged his cock into you. He bucked into you softly. This was the sweetest, most intimate sex you'd ever had. Despite everything, you loved and had eachother.

The next morning, Timmy told you that he was going to sort things out with Amelia. He was sad to leave you, of course, but told you to enjoy your last day of the little vacation. You knew that he was scared and concerned for the future. Your heart ached for him, but you knew that things would work out. You would make the best out of things, together.

You decided to stay in for the day and just relax as you mentally prepared yourself for getting back into work mode tomorrow.

Then you got a text from Billy.

"Hey, how are you?" it read.

"I'm fine, Billy. What do you want?"

"Well I was just wondering if maybe we could try to patch things up."

"No. I don't think so." You were more than moved on from your marriage to Billy. You surprised to even be hearing from him.

"Please? We could grab coffee and talk about things. I can change."

"People like you don't change. You only get worse. I don't want to talk to you. I just want a divorce. Please respect that. Goodbye, Billy."

You hoped that would be the end of it. That he would accept what you had to say, and move on. But that was not the case. Soon after the text conversation, Billy called you.

"What do you want?" you answered, angry and annoyed that he wouldn't leave you alone. "We're done, Billy. There's no going back for me."

"And why is that, huh?" his voice was smug on the other end of the phone. "I saw some pictures of you online."

Your heart started to pound in your chest. "Wha-what do you mean?"

"Actor and hearthrob Timothée Chalamet spotted with mystery woman as he leaves the set of his new commercial." It sounded like Billy was reading from a headline or something.

You took it upon yourself to Google: Timothée Chalamet You were speechless. You had no idea that the paparazzi caught you and Timmy together. But there they were: the photos that Billy was referring to.

"That's right, y/n. You were out galvanting with your boyfriend. He was supposedly my friend. Some friend to be hanging out with my wife after she kicks me out! Let me ask you again, y/n, were you fucking him while you were married to me?" Billy was clearly angry, and rightfully so as he had technically been cheated on. And you were sorry for that. It was wrong to sleep with someone else outside of your marriage.

But you weren't concerned about Billy at all. He was never good to you. He was a terrible husband and person. You were worried about Timmy. These photos were just another thing piled onto his plate that he'd have to deal with.

"Billy, it really doesn't matter at this point. But Timmy and I are together now. Please, just stay out of my business." With that, you hung up the phone.

You were certain that if Amelia was going to lie to the press about Timmy abandoning her and her baby, she'd definitely use the pictures of the two of you together against him also.

.......

The next day, the weather was cold and dreary. It was fitting because that is how you felt on the inside. It was melancholic traveling back home all alone. You missed Timmy with every fiber of your being. You wanted to call him but decided that it was for the best if he had time and space to think. You wondered how his discussions with Amelia had gone.

@gatoenlaciudad @thebetawolfgirl @musicandbooksaremyhappyplace @softhecreator @tchalamss

my tag list is growing😊🥰

[johaerys-writes]

TW: Non-consent mentioned. No pressure on answering this, but I figured I’d ask you since I value your opinion way more than Google/Reddit.

There’s an assortment of superstitions out there around childbirth. It varies among cultures but sometimes the superstitions overlap. I’ve heard suggestions about the position the birth parent is in during conception influences the (assigned) sex. I’ve heard suggestions that if the birth parent has sex while pregnant they will have twins. Now, there’s this other curious superstition that if the birth parent has sex with multiple partners, a number of things could happen including all sperm donors become the (biological) parents. I was wondering to what extent this last one is believed as part of Greek mythology? I’m assuming to some extent it is believed given the myth of Leda.

I bring all this up because of the infamous Scyros scene in The Song of Achilles. Miller is a really great storyteller from a writing craft perspective. Very subtly, she weaves layers into her scenes. For this scene in particular, it is generally understood that the sex between Patroclus and Deidamia was non-consensual. I’ve seen some suggestions that the scene was included to further support the idea that Achilles and Patroclus are two halves -the pain of one is the pain of the other. I was wondering that in addition to such interpretations, that the scene exists also to make Patroclus Pyrrhus’ father? Because Deidamia slept with both, they are both the father. Does this fit with general beliefs/superstitions around sex in Greek mythology?

I wouldn’t really go so far as to say that the sex scene with Deidameia and Patroclus is meant to be non con. I always found it a bit dubcon-ish instead of fully noncon, although the lines might be a little blurry. I think that the scene is meant to be awkward and weird, and my understanding of it is that it wasn't so much to show Patroclus' and Achilles' pain, but to sort of... shed light on Deidameia's situation? She's a young girl that really has no options right now: she got into this marriage without really wanting to or understanding what was going on-- imagine a goddess showing up to you and telling you you have to marry her son or else? I doubt many girls in her position would have been able to say no to this. And then she sleeps with Achilles, she is his wife, and as a wife she has to love him now, he's meant to be her whole world. Like this is how Deidameia has been brought up, this is part of her culture, and as a young impressionable girl I assume she had some very confused feelings for Achilles at this point. Of course Achilles is gorgeous and a demigod and that plays into Deidameia's infatuation with him.

But then, Patroclus shows up. And whatever little interest Achilles had in Deidameia is gone. She is married to him and pregnant with his child and yet none of this matters because Achilles just wants nothing to do with her now. So I feel like the whole sleeping with Patroclus thing might have been... her trying to take control of the situation in some way. If she manages to seduce Patroclus, then perhaps she will manage to hurt Achilles as he has hurt her; or perhaps she might even come to be included in this very exclusive thing these two have going on.

It's a muddy situation with no good outcomes for her, but don't forget that she's a very young girl. And young people often make bad decisions. So, for me, this scene is less about making Patroclus and Achilles "even" or focusing on their bond (although there are elements of that here), but more so to highlight the pretty awful position Deidameia is in. (Of course people are allowed to have different opinions, if someone's reading of the scene is different to mine then that's fine.)

As for whether Patroclus and Achilles are both Pyrrhus' fathers, I.... am not sure. Like, I don’t really see it that way. To my knowledge, there aren't really many myths in ancient Greece to support this particular angle? The most you'll see when two men and one woman are involved is the woman having twins, which is what happened with Leda: she slept with both Tyndareus and Zeus, so she had two sets of twins, Helen and Clytemnestra and the Dioskouroi (Castor and Polydeuces), of which one child was mortal and the other a demigod. I really can't think of an occasion where a single child was the product of two fathers. And I also don't see the symbolism of it working for TSOA, since Pyrrhus is a psycho when he shows up at the end lol. Like that's no love child that right there 🥲

EDIT: Theseus was mentioned as having two fathers, Aegeus and Poseidon; I didn’t include him because in the version I'm familiar with he's just Aegeus' son, but in other versions of the myth he is also Poseidon's son. So I guess it depends on what version one has heard/wants to go for.

Anyway, that's my two cents! I hope I answered your questions 💙

[1moremilgram-enjoyer]

Yuno T1 Cover - Sticky Bug

More covers! This time, Yuno's Trial 1 cover, Sticky Bug! Yuno is another character I'm not super familiar with, but she's pretty interesting! Anyways, here we go!

CW Sex work

This one is thankfully pretty straightforward, especially because Yuno does have lover(s) to sing this to. Sticky Bug is about someone professing their deep love to someone else.

I love that voice of yours Every single word you say… [...] I love that face of yours too Your smiling face, your embarrassed face as well [...] Hey, I love you! I really love you! I super-duper love you! I love you so much I don't even know anymore! That’s just the tip of the iceberg, so please let me keep filling you with this love!

(Translation)

And it is somewhat implied that Yuno also felt infatuated by at least one of her clients.

[Tear Drop] The wanted wanting the wanter The overlap, isn't that some sort of perfection? [...] If you want “me”, come marco, I'll polo Let's just do it, please smile?

[Umbilical] Just the two of us, I feel a little tingle inside Our love links us together Just me alone, the warmth starts fading away Let’s reload the warmth

(Note: There are also very possibly some clients she doesn't like. See the "'Naive little girl'? So off the mark, what's it to you? It's just absurd" line in Tear Drop. However, that could also be speaking to Es/the audience. However, there are quite a lot of things which make me think she does enjoy aspects of her sex work other than the money, not all of which I can get to without derailing the post too much)

Hell, there's a particular line which almost seems mirrored in the songs, one which happens to include the name of the cover.

I say “goodbye” only so that I can go to meet you once more I say “goodnight” only so that I can say “good morning” tomorrow I want to be your stickybug for a bit each and every day From now on keep thinking of me fondly, OK?

[Umbilical] “Good morning” “Good night” I want to be with you as many times as I can

Speaking of the song's title, "sticky bug" doesn't refer to any actual insect, but rather to the idea of someone who always sticks to the other person's side.

If I’m lucky, we’ll stay like this till the day we’re covered in wrinkles Since I’ll surely be just as smitten with you on the day I die I want to make all your dreams come true As for my dream, it’s to be that stickybug right by your side

Again possibly alluding to the idea Yuno wanted to stay by her client's side for reasons other than the money (see: Hachiko statue).

One thing which is sorta odd, however, is how much the singer seems to have to prod to get their lover to profess their love back.

Say that you love me, say that you love me Since there’s nothing else I need Hey, say that you love me, so it won’t ever be forgotten Since I don’t need anyone but you

This is the chorus, repeated three times. You could argue the singer having to repeat this request so many times implies the lover doesn't fully reciprocate, and you could use that as possible evidence for the 'pregnancy entrapment' theory. I find that theory quite interesting, though I don't quite subscribe to it. Instead, the way I read this line is that it shows how much the singer feels like they need the other person's love, regardless of whether or not they reciprocate. For Yuno, this would be about feeling like she needs the 'warmth' of her clients to feel good. See: the seemingly kinda important jacket she's given in Tear Drop.

[Umbilical] Just me alone, it really is lonely Let’s reload the warmth

There are obviously other ways to read this, though. You could claim Yuno is simply lying in this cover, and she's only presenting herself as completely smitten to satisfy her customers. Alternatively, did you know Sticky Bug appears in Umbilical?

You could argue Yuno is making one of her customers sing it in that scene, so despite the cover being sung by her, it's possible it's actually meant to be one of her customers singing it to her.

However, I don't think those two readings really work that well with Vampire, her Trial 2 cover, though I won't get into it in this post. Which is why I'm more convinced by the first reading, the one where Yuno is at least somewhat genuine towards at least one or more clients. Obviously you're free to believe what you want though!

Finally, last note, Sticky Bug contains this ‘lyric.’

Pafupafu nya nya, pafupafu nya nya

‘Nya nya’? Like a cat? And in Tear Drop Yuno is associated with a cat. Easy. Had to add in at least one silly observation.

Anyways, I haven't thought too much about Yuno, so I'm sorry if I got some stuff wrong. Regardless, take care!

[orange-peel-candy]

How's everyone's sexuality for

Huayin

Guen

Hilal

Haru

Ginger

Basil?

You already know I'm not interested or feeling hot about micro-labels/labels. So this is really more about how their sexuality influences their experience in the world, which in turn shapes their personality in one way or another. I wanna learn more about their personhood, that's why!

Huayin: Romance or sex aren't on her radar at all. Not because she's uninterested, but because... she doesn't think anyone would want to do those things with her. Even if she starts feeling that way about someone, she represses it. As for who she feels that way towards, their gender doesn't matter all that much, but she tends to prefer women. They're all so beautiful (unlike her).

Guen: She dates a lot of guys, right? But she's not really attracted to them. She wants to be, part of the human experience is falling in love, right? So if she can't do that, she must not be... (Guen isn't aroace. She's likely demisexual/demiromantic: that means she only feels romantic or sexual attraction after she's formed a meaningful relationship with another person. And the guys she dates are never around long enough for that to happen.)

Hilal: He's asexual—but only because he's been repulsed by all of his sexual encounters thus far. He claims he'll only date someone who's at least as good-looking as he is. I've toyed with the idea of him having a crush on a girl, but... there's already so much going on with him, I'm not sure I can fit it in! It is, at least, hypothetically possible for him to experience romantic feelings. If he were to fall in love with someone it would more likely be a woman, because he thinks that all men are scum with no exceptions, including himself.

Haru: He has an especially complicated relationship with his sexuality. Or to be more accurate, Hilal has a complicated relationship with his sexuality that transferred itself onto Haru like an infectious disease. The majority of clients Hilal's slept with are men, so he sees homosexuality as something dirty. Apart from just being a shitty stance to take, his best friend is bisexual. So Hilal's worldview is actively harming a person he cares about. For a long time, Haru has kept his feelings hidden out of consideration for his friend. He's internalized the belief that he's dirty, too.

Ginger: They're asexual, but they still get crushes fairly often. It's never progressed to a full-blown love though. It's better described as "infatuation." It's actually a roadblock to their forming meaningful relationships. The person they like won't necessarily want to commit to a relationship with no sex, so Ginger remains isolated.

Basil: Aromantic. I like to joke that he and Ginger collectively make one aroace person. Basil starts relationships with people who he enjoys talking to and having sex with. But there's still a communication gap... Even though he really likes spending time with them, it always feels like they want something that he can't give. And eventually their relationship progresses to the point where the other person asks Basil to say "I love you..." and he can't. It's usually over after that.

[valentinoappreciator]

Tell me about your WIPs!!!! You're awesome!!

😭😭😭😭😭😭

thank you, dear anon!! I'm ALWAYS happy for a chance to blabber about my WIPs, but beware, for they are plentiful, and this will probably be a semi-long post 😅 For the Hazbin WIPs, I'll leave links where available!

Hazbin Hotel WIPs:

I have two (three) Hazbin Hotel WIPs that are sooo so so dear to me. One focuses on Vox x female OC, the other on Valentino x female OC. Yes, I have a type, and so what 😔 anyway - the Vox one actually has Vox as a good guy, although he fumbles a lot with his relationship with female OC. He's VERY new to loving and healthy relationships. Vox and his lover flee to the Hazbin Hotel to seek refuge from Valentino's wrath, and he even forms a semi-sorta-kinda cordial, albeit strained, friendship with Alastor (who will ALSO have a partner!). Character development all-around, yippeeee!! Tonight I'm Saying Goodbye Valentino is the title, and it currently has two chapters up on AO3!

The Valentino x female OC WIP focuses on female OC as being new in Hell and landing in Valentino's clutches. Quickly rising in the ranks of sex work, she eventually becomes a top earning girl, "competing" with Angel Dust although they're actually really good friends. At some point, Valentino becomes so unbearably infatuated with female OC that he accuses her of working succubus magic on him. Eventually, she knocks it into his thick skull that she's not a succubus, and that if he's feeling this way about her, there must be some good fucking reason. Long story short, they become the evil power couple of hell that makes everyone cower <3 This one has the (mouthful) title of As the sun sets on your mortal life, the moon will shine on your afterlife! 3 chapters up so far on AO3!

The third Hazbin Hotel WIP focuses on Vox AND Valentino as they stalk and harass female OC in true staticmoth fashion. I haven't really written a whole lot on this one, but I can already tell I'm gonna LOVE it 😭 Since it's still very new, there's no link for it yet 😔

Original WIPs:

Hitman-inspired novel, my beloved 😭 this one is incredibly dear to me. It focuses on this female straight-A student whose only career wish is to become a hitman. She gets into a crime syndicate where she starts working as a brothel girl, and then steadily "grows" throughout the book. I'm thinking it'll be two books, at least. The first one to kinda explore her background and her relationships with everyone around her, and then the second one to focus on her as an actual assassin / hitman. Eventually, she does reach her goal, and having hitman'ed for a good decade or so, she has accumulated so much money that she can settle down with her partner and their army of dogs in the Swiss alps 🥺 It features some LGBT (bisexuality and trans people) and mental illness without outright demonising either. I'm very proud of it so far! It sits at like... 108k words 😅 just for the first book. I plan on getting this published - whether traditionally or self-published, I dunno yet.

I also have this other original WIP that's a sci-fi / romance novel idea. It features a bisexual / pansexual lady who gets gifted a state-of-the-art phone by her work. This phone has some seriously well-developed AI (think Siri from Apple, only far better), and since this leading lady is quite handy with engineering and very crafty, she fixes up a body for her phone's AI, and kinda like takes the AI and installs it into the frame? It's made of scrap and old janky robot parts, but neither of them cares, because now that AI has arms and a body, they can finally hug and kiss each other 😭 ❤️ eventually, the AI-turned-android will get upgrades. An important part of this story is the fact that android-human relationships are VERY frowned upon, and our leading lady and her android """friend""" will be the leaders in a revolution, of sorts, to make android-human relationships legal. This story will, maybe obviously, very much be a social commentary, but made to cater to me and the robotfuckers 😎 I do also plan to publish this one, at some point!

Okay I'll cut it here 😅😭

thank you so much for letting me talk about my WIPs 🥺 Writing is the passion of all time, and I could talk for HOURS about any and all of my projects

[caseyarchived]

thomas   weatherall.     he/him.     cis   male.      ›      spotted   at   the   met   steps   ,   casey   rutherford   ,   most   likely   listening   to   if   so   by   atlas   genius  with   their   airpods   pro   .   the   twenty   four   year   old   gained   quite   a   reputation   ,   known   to   be  - closed   off  yet   + amiable   to   anyone   who   knows   them   .   you'll   easily   spot   them   when   you   hear   about   overworking   and   restless   nights   ,   vegan   recipes   ,    being   forced   to   become   an   adult   when   you   were   just   a   kid   ,   playing   the   piano   at   three   am   ,   followed   by   dark   woods   by   joseph   abboud   .   latest   nepoupdates   article   talks   about   our   theories   on   why   casey   rutherford   shaved   his   head   and   eyebrows   that   one   time   (   are   you   currently   doing   okay   casey?   )  ,   but   i   guess   any   reputation   is   good   reputation   . 

basic stats ;

⟶ full name: casey anthony rutherford  ⟶ nicknames: usually just goes by casey  ⟶ three things he likes: passion fruit boba tea, australian accents, dreamcatchers ⟶ three things he dislikes: hospitals, his father, the idea of anyone bullying his little brother ⟶ gender: cis male ⟶ height: 5 ‘ 9 ⟶ age: 24  ⟶ birthday: february 14, 1999  ⟶ zodiac: aquarius sun, virgo moon, capricorn ascendant   ⟶ right handed or left handed: right handed   ⟶ eye color: dark brown ⟶ hair color: black ⟶ piercings and tattoos: no piercings, a tattoo of the name ‘lukas’ on his left wrist ( little brother’s name ) ⟶ languages spoken: swedish and english ⟶ sexuality / romantic orientation: bisexual / biromantic ⟶ place of birth: brisbane, australia ⟶ last five songs listened to: change ( in the house of flies ) by deftones, stand by me by oasis, lesser things by barcelona, broken by lund, stadium arcadium by red hot chili peppers ⟶ five aesthetics: restless nights attempting to write, crying out of stress, a smile so kind and warm it can cure it all, the best kind of hugs, warm vegan cupcakes ⟶ character inspo: lexi howard from euphoria, maeve wiley from sex education, malakai mitchell from heartbreak high

background story ;

casey was the first born son of corey rutherford and amalie peterson in brisbane, an accident if you must, as his parents never intended to have him. his mother lived in sweden but was in australia visiting some relatives when she met corey, one thing lead to another, and nine months later, casey came along

his mother was infatuated with his father, while his father liked his mother, but not in the way that she liked him. regardless, his family forced him to marry amalie to give casey a ‘stable’ life, but it was anything but that

growing up, casey really loved his mother. the same thing couldn’t be said for his father. from a fairly young age, he got the feeling that his father considered him the reason that he was ‘forced’ to stay with his mother, treated him like garbage, making casey strongly dislike him from early on

he was emotionally abusive, to him and to his mother. casey didn’t know why she stayed with him. things were cool when it was just him and his mother, but as soon as his father came along, the vibe shifted

things only worsened when amalie became pregnant again, with casey’s little brother, lukas, who was five years younger than casey. from that moment on, casey was determined to defend his little brother from whatever emotional abuse his father could even think to throw at him

but when lukas grew a little older, they knew that he was different. he didn’t like to talk much and whenever he did, it was avoiding eye contact. he didn’t like to be touched often, he had melt downs, and well, after several tests and doctor visits later, lukas was diagnosed with autism

from that moment on, things drastically changed. his father didn’t know how to handle the news and ended up leaving. his mother didn’t have much in australia without him, so she moved back to stockholm with casey and lukas when casey was ten and lukas was five, where thankfully, lukas got the treatment he deserved

casey thought this move was for the better, but things only seemed to worsen from that moment on. his mother was severely depressed over what his father did and on some days, refused to even get out of bed

casey was forced to become an adult when he was just a kid himself. clean up the house, look after his little brother and mother, it was really hard for him, and as much as he loved his mother, she only added onto the baggage he felt forced to carry

as soon as he was old enough, he had a job. between going to school, working, and practically being the parent in the house, he always lacked sleep, he was always tired, but he swears, he worked really hard than anyone his age, it’s not like he had a choice

it was a lot to deal with, and soon enough, he was finding ways to try and stay up. coffee only worked for so long, even strong shots of espresso became nothing to him. through this desire to try and stay awake during long shifts and school, well, this… this is how he discovered the ‘wonders’ of adderall, through one of his classmates who would sell his prescription to make an extra buck. casey soon realized that it worked perfectly for his dilemma, it kept him going for ages

so this is how he became a frequent customer. it was an unhealthy habit of red bull, adderall, under eating, not sleeping, repeat – he was practically a zombie at one point. this went on for a while. a little over a year of this unhealthy cycle is when it caught up to him, in the worst possible way

! tws for hospitals, eating disorder and stroke ! to be clear, he can’t recall a lot of what happened beforehand. the headache, the dimness in his vision, soon followed by him passing out, are all very faint memories in his head. the thing casey remembers most is waking up in a hospital, and being informed that he had a stroke… a stroke. he was also told he had malnutrition and was underweight which was most likely linked to an eating disorder and his abuse of adderall, but he didn’t hear anything else, all he heard was stroke. frankly, he didn’t even think someone his age could have a stroke, it was all really scary news for him. this happened two months before his graduation, and thankfully, he had all the credits needed before this, but he still had to finish school virtually

the aftermath of it all is what sucked the most for him. the therapies, medications and countless check ups even though he swears, he felt fine, the way his family was treating him like he was made of paper or something, even his grandmother, aka his mother’s mother, got involved, which was a huge mess because all she did was blame his mother for dumping all of their problems on casey and causing all this. long story short, but his grandmother didn’t think his mother was mentally well enough to take care of casey and lukas, which wasn’t exactly a lie. after casey’s graduation, they moved with her to her house in new york, which his mother didn’t even fight her on, claiming she had to work on herself

and as much as he didn’t want to admit it because a part of him really missed his mother and he didn’t blame her for what happened, but, casey really liked new york, as much as he wanted to hate it. he felt a lot calmer there, he wasn’t constantly stressed over taking care of his little brother, or his mother, and still finding a way to make ends meet, he was done with high school, eighteen, had everything in his favor, took a gap year but didn’t travel the way other people do, really just focused on his therapies and bettering himself, focused on writing and playing the piano and sundae sundays with his grandmother and little brother, practically became a whole different person ( crazy how not being completely stressed 24/7 can drastically change someone )

he ended up going back to school when he was nineteen, to nyu to be exact, majors in literature because he wants to be a writer, even if it won’t make him much money in the long run

he really had no intention of ever going into the spotlight. even with his first published book heart shaped box ( literally his pride and joy, a horror novel he’s been working on for over three years ), he only made a decent following on social media when his book hit new york’s best seller list, with most of his followers being book nerds which, he was okay with. he just wanted to write and hopefully one day, publish another book. he didn’t care if he made it to the best seller’s list again or not, he just wanted to do something he was passionate about and stay under the radar

anyways, long story short but that under the radar shit doesn’t end up happening when he meets abel in nyu, when he’s twenty one. they date for a little under a year before he says he has to leave and then just… stops answering casey’s texts and calls altogether, whatever, fuck him, is all casey can think. but then people somehow find out they dated and he starts getting all this attention because they used to date and really, he didn’t even know abel had that influencer status, so the attention just annoys him. he feels like he’s worked so hard to even get his first book published and instead of being only recognized for that, he gets recognized for dating a boy, literally… wants to stab himself with a fork

the past two and a half years have just been him working on another novel, and a comic book, illustrated by his little brother, that he has hopes of finishing and hopefully releasing one or the other by next year. now the question is, will people soon enough recognize him for his talent in literature, or will he forever be known as ‘that guys ex boyfriend’?

headcanons ;

he’s a vegan! became one about five months after he had a stroke and has never looked back. his health has gotten a lot better since then, been a vegan for over five years already

casey really doesn’t like entitled people who have just had stuff handed to them and never had to work for anything, so basically... most nepo babies let’s be real. he’s had to work really hard for everything, even getting his book published was hard as hell, and then lots of people recognize him for a guy he dated forever ago rather than his hard work which really, really makes him angry

he isn’t a mean guy, he’s really patient and kind and understanding and will never be rude unless provoked, but if you get him to a certain level of angry, he can literally be the worst person ever. very nice and sweet and people tend to think they can walk all over him because of that, but if you really do something to upset him, he’s like a different person. black and white in that sense if you must because he can go from one extreme to the other, especially if you’re a mean or manipulative person, he see’s right through that shit

he writes about anything, romance, science fiction, fantasy, but his favorite genre is fantasy and horror based. his career claim is similar to joe hill, and his upcoming comic book will basically be the first comic of the ‘locke & key’ series, basically joe hill but modern day

he doesn’t tell people he had a stroke. mostly because he doesn’t want sympathy, but also because he wants to make a new life here. no one really knows about his life in sweden. no one really knows about his life before he was eighteen and he likes it that way

doesn’t do anything besides occasionally smoke weed ( boring boy i guess ), mostly out of health but also because he has alcohol intolerance. alcohol, even in small amounts, makes him really sick so he prefers to just avoid it, obviously would never go to serious drugs because that incident he went through scarred him

he see’s his little brother frequently, he’s literally the illustrator of the comics he plans on publishing soon enough. he has a really big soft spot for little kids, especially if they have special needs. he would probably be an amazing dad if he ever decides to go that route

he loves music, especially old school music. the idea for heart shaped box literally came to him when he was listening to heart shaped box by nirvana. he has a very old soul, literally owns a type writer and a vinyl player

he has a female dog named opal, named after his favorite australian stone, opal. the dog is a goldendoodle, he loves this dog with his entire heart, she is two

the rumor in his app is true. he once was undergoing a mental breakdown so bad, he impulsively shaved his head and eyebrows, it was a true monstrosity. this happened like four months after his break up with abel, so he was around twenty two. thankfully, hair grows back because otherwise... no comment

wanted connections ;

heart shaped box lover: a book lover or horror fanatic who liked his novel and just wants to be his friend, wholesome connection

it’s meant to be, look, we’re both vegans!: simply put, a fellow vegan. watch them go to vegan restaurants together and let each other know about the hottest vegan spots

not your biggest fan: someone who doesn’t like him. could be because they think he’s boring, because they think his book sucked or because they just don’t like him, i’m open to it all

dog sitters: someone who walks their dog at the exact same time as he does, and they’ve just bonded over their pets, bonus if their dogs really like each other

devil on my shoulder: a bad influence, or at least, tries to be because he isn’t easily convinced. a muse who just wants him to let loose

former college friends: someone he went to college with, they could be friends or not

...perhaps something more?: maybe friends with benefits, one night stands, something romantic?

or we can brainstorm!

birthchart ;

[gergthecat]

Farmer's Infatuation PT 2 - No POV Kady/Ezra

He’s decided that it’s the air. That’s the reason that Ezra can never seem to let go of Kady. Why they seem to wake up a little slower here, even though they just about have the weight of the galaxy on their shoulders. Why she sits just a bit closer to him at breakfast than normal. And why when he exits his room in his work clothes, she stays in his arms for a second longer before kissing him goodbye. 

He craves being with her, instead of stuck lugging around hay all day with Hanna. It’s all he thinks about. 

Kady wishes she had time to let her thoughts wander to Ezra, but she’s got the files to worry about. All with keeping them safe and making sure her Dad heals properly, she’s (to say the least) overwhelmed. He knows this, and as he leans to catch a glance of her through the window of their farmhouse while he carries piles of hay, he considers what he could do to improve her mood. Of course, there’s the obvious answer, but he feels as though he should do something more. 

Just as he lets go of his last bale, arching his back to relieve some of the stress it has fallen victim to, he notices Nik glaring at one of the other hands and receiving a seemingly well-deserved scowl in response. He watches, intrigued, as Hanna slips in a path of mud, and both boys dart to catch her, so as to make sure not a single inch of her is dirtied. 

Nik’s opponent reaches her first, and grabs her hand, just barely making it in time. Of course, Nik grumbles, and Ezra is hit with a stroke of brilliance. Thus begins the bargaining. 

In the end, Ezra wins his battle, switching jobs with Nik and winning his position to lord over the fields instead of spending all day in a tractor. Trailer. Whatever. His plan is in motion already; now, he has access to all the gardens on the farm. He is unstoppable ( mwah ha ha ha ha ) on his mission to make his girlfriend a fantastic dinner, one just like those he would make for her on their nights staying in back on Kerenza IV. He’ll need a lot of help.

After pretending to work for another hour, Ezra departs from his family of cows to consult Issac, and perhaps to acquire some nibbles as well. 

“That’s a… creative idea. I like the premise of throwing her a surprise dinner, but do you really think you’ll be able to pull it off?” Kady’s father says skeptically, “We know better than anyone that she is not easy to fool.”

“I’m confident enough,” Ezra responds, crossing his arms over his chest in an effort to make himself seem more self-assured.

“Confident enough about what?” A disembodied voice questions behind them.

The pair swivels around to find a dubious Kady leaning against the kitchen counter.

“Oh, it’s nothing. Just some farming stuff is all,” Ezra returns, eyes darting everywhere but to meet hers.

Her eyes narrow, beautiful ocean blues meeting his dusky brown ones. She leans forward, and Issac sighs, laboriously lifting himself from the stool he was sitting at and making as swift of an escape as his injury would permit. 

“You okay? You seem a little… weird. I was watching you while you were working,” she questions, concern swimming on her face.

He grumbles as he paces over to her, pressing her against the counter, burying his face in the crook of her neck, and wrapping his arms around her torso.

“I wanted you to have a good night. Not just sex, I wanted to make you dinner and we’d watch Super Turbo Awesome Team VS. Awesome Turbo Super Team on the couch. I just want you to relax,” he mumbles into her shoulder, “You’ve been stretched too thin; you’ve got too much to do by yourself.”

Kady sighs into his chest and lifts her hand to his face. He rises to look at her as she whispers to him,

“You’re so perfect,” she sighs, “Can’t we do that anyway? Sans surprise? I’d love it anyways; I just wanna spend time with you.”

The couple presses their foreheads together. They stay there for minutes. Used to the familiar feeling of each other’s arms, sharing a hug just like their final one on the Mao. Finally, they detach from one another, and while joking and giggling, they make dinner. They fall asleep on the couch, plates piled up on the coffee table, as Kady’s head lies tranquilly on her boyfriend’s shoulder, his arms thrown over her torso. They fit together like a perfect puzzle, manufactured to slide in place like they do nearly every night, like they do tonight.

Check me out on AO3 :)

Farmer's Infatuation Part 1

Masterlist :)

[andvys]

For the next Everlong chapter, and please forgive me for the length of this, I'm just really vibing with this story 😂 -

Fuckboi!Steve could either give reader the cold shoulder because he's still mad she "cheated" or "broke her promise" or whatever he thinks (because of how he's still fuckboi-ing about 😝) and it could just absolutely break her heart but ultimately help her grow a thicker skin

OR he could try his damnedest to apologize and make amends and, seeing that he's losing her and this might be his last chance, tell her he's done sleeping around and he's ready to be with her now (he's not ready, but he'll swallow that for her)

But either way, reader still chooses Eddie. Because things have changed, things have clicked into place, and she understands things that she didn't before. What she felt for Steve was... infatuation. She cared about him, cares about him, she probably always will, and IF he had ever gotten his head out of his ass, maybe they could have been great together. But in the end, all of that was just wanting something she couldn't have, made stronger because of the "almost" of it. And he knew that and toyed with it and that wasn't fair and she deserves better.

And what she has with Eddie is so. much. better. She knows what it is like to be loved now. Properly loved. Seen, appreciated, cared for. She's not a backup, he goes out of his way specifically to be with her. Because, by god, does he WANT her. Now, not later. And she wants him. This is what it's SUPPOSED to feel like. Someone who loves you doesn't hurt you on purpose, they make you feel better - And Eddie really, *really* does. He makes her feel better. He makes her feel good. Steve didn't make her feel good.

And hey, she is *not* giving up this sex for anything. Like, not a chance. 😝

Also would love to see Eddie and reader admit to each other that this is real for them. They don't have to tell each other it's love yet, but... They should know they didn't just get their hearts broken and friendships lost over a fling. They mean this, they're in it... It's for real.

Also also could you please add me to the tag list? 🥺👉👈

First of all, I'm so glad that you love the story so much! 🥺 AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS LONG ASK AND YOUR AMAZING IDEAS, I'M LOVING THEM!

I actually love the idea of him apologizing and begging for forgiveness. It would definitely go will with the realization he has in the next part! Plus, he's gonna have a conversation with his dad, one that will lead him to realize some things!

He's gonna have a not so little breakdown when he realizes how bad he fucked up!

Reader and Eddie will definitely have a little heart to heart moment soon 😌

Thank you so much for this! You just inspired me more to write the next part 🥺 I'll definitely add you to the taglist!

[kitkatt0430]

Fuffy, Spangel, Dawn/Connor, and Angel/Riley for the ship bingo!

Fuffy:

I do enjoy Fuffy as a good fix-it fic because it's nice when Faith is able to not go down a bad path that leads to prison and gets a cute girlfriend too. But their canon relationship is so fascinating to me too, I've gotta admit.

I genuinely think that, canonically, Faith's in love with Buffy. But she's just so screwed up and let down by the adults in her life that Faith can't deal with it. She goes after guys that are infatuated with Buffy too - Angel, Xander, Riley, Spike, Robin - but she's not really happy unless she's the center of Buffy's attention. And when things go bad, well... if she can't have positive attention, she'll take the negative.

I... really do enjoy villains that are in that vein don't I? (Eobard Thawne, the Master from Doctor Who...)

That said, Faith is pretty devoted to Buffy, which we see both before and after her little jaunt on the dark side.

On Buffy's part, her actions towards Faith really do read as someone with a crush, pre-accidental manslaughter incident. Her feelings were probably too different from what she was used to for her to recognize the crush for what it was. But especially knowing that Buffy has at least one lady lover in the comics (that I've heard of anyway?) it makes a lot of sense to me that she had a crush on Faith. Faith was good at keeping up this veneer of being everything Buffy wished she could be - free of expectations and comfortable with being the Slayer.

So while their canon relationship is... a mess, I do think there was a window of opportunity where, had things gone a bit differently, they could have been girlfriends.

Spangel:

They've definitely had sex during their fanged four days. They're exes. They're divorced (yet still married). They love each other. They want to murder one another in convoluted loony tunes style plots.

They're Spangel. And they bring out the best and the worst in each other. If I were in more of a mood for vampires, I'd probably feel the need to go through their ship tag but I'm currently too focused on other fandoms.

I think one of my favorite ship fics for these two had Angel saving Spike's life and it caused him this moment of perfect happiness because the idea of perfect happiness was tied to what the caster of the curse believed it to be, deep down. And since the last time Angel had his soul shoved back into his body it was a Willow who'd lost Tara... very poignant but also now they've got Angelus around and his idea of love was... um...

Okay, so maybe I do need to dig that one up and re-read it now. :D

Dawn/Conner:

Since they never met in canon, I don't really have a lot to say about them. I do think they'd have an interesting dynamic - they're both of weird origins and struggle with being not normal - and I've liked fics that included the ship. But they're very much ships that pass in the night.

Angel/Riley:

Canonically these two very much bring out the worst in each other. Angel got his hackles up over Riley being the first guy Buffy was serious about after him. And Riley straight up accuses Buffy of cheating on him with Angel - admittedly likely out of guilt that he'd unwittingly had sex with Faith in Buffy's body and was dealing with having basically suffered rape by deception, so I do cut him some slack even if the accusation was incredibly shitty of him.

While I think scenarios where the two of them become friends would be interesting, with Angel actually acting older and wiser for once and seeing in Riley someone who is suffering and pushing the people who love and support him away... I just don't see anything romantic between them and I don't think I'd ever really want to either.

[stclenrelic-a]

@captaincandycane​

It's not very often that Loki goes out. She doesn't generally like going to clubs. Most days she prefers to go to a local bar, order a few glasses of wine and spend the evening having conversation with her friends or her husband. Yet, considering how Loki felt their marriage had been in a little bit of a slump lately, her friend suggested trying something completely new: go out to a club, get shitfaced and party til the break of dawn. She had told Ben about their plans, using her friend's birthday as an excuse as she's not quite willing to tell him what's been on her mind, and told him to not expect her back until morning. A good thing, really, considering the events that followed. Instead of dancing, Loki finds herself stirring a cocktail of some sort. She doesn't even really know what it is, but it tastes fruity and it's helping her get shitfaced. As planned. But it doesn't make her feel like partying. At least not yet. What she does do, however, is complain to her friend about her relationship. "Ben is amazing.. He's perfect. He's a gentleman, he opens doors for me, he kisses my hand a lot, brings home roses... Hell, he asks about my day and actually listens when I talk to him. So why is it that I don't feel like I'm in love anymore? Why is it that I don't get butterflies when I see him? Or feel sad when he's gone.. like I cannot wait for him to come back. I know people say that the infatuation fades after time but---" But she doesn't WANT it to. Loki is a lot of things, including but not limited to: incredibly smart, beautiful, successful, rich and, if she has to believe the people she's slept with, also good in bed. But she also really hates how her life has become so incredibly bland. She craves chaos, passion and she longs to be excited about things again. Do something different. It's not her work, she knows that much at least. Being one of the best lawyers in the country she gets a lot of different interesting cases to dive into. So, the only thing it can be is her love life. Oh, and she didn't even mention the fact that Ben really wants to be a dad, and even the thought of it has Loki feel like she's going to suffocate. She's not even sure if it's because she doesn't want to be a mom, or because she doesn't want to tie herself to Ben that much. Her friend, who is equally drunk, soon points at a handsome stranger near the bar. "I tell you what  ---  you go kiss him, I won't tell Ben, I promise. And maybe that will give you some clarity on what it is you want." Now. Sober Loki would have immediately argued that that is a terrible idea, but drunk Loki thinks it is genius, and also loves the thought of causing a little chaos in her own life. She might regret it in the morning, but that's not a problem for present Loki. With a determined nod, Loki sets her glass down, slides off her wedding ring and hands it to her friend, before she makes her way over to the stranger. Or, Steve, as she learns soon enough. They chat for a while, share a few drinks, dance, and before she knows it... well, it technically still counts as a kiss, Loki just never meant to take it this far. Had her friend been sober, Loki's sure she would have stopped her. Alas, she doesn't. And so, Loki ends up going home with the stranger. They make out for a while and then end up having sex. Mindblowing, amazing sex that is definitely the best sex she has had in her ENTIRE life. As wrong as it may be, and as much as she would feel guilty about it in the morning, this moment... being here in bed with Steve and having such an incredible time.. it's the most alive she's felt in years. The next morning, however, she wakes up before Steve does. Luckily, because that is definitely not a conversation she is ready to be having. Her head is throbbing and she's feeling guilty even more than that, and while staying in the stranger's arms seems very tempting, Loki knows she has to go. She slips out of Steve's hold and out of the bed, quickly taking her underwear and dress back on. She fixes her hair in the mirror and finds her heels near the front door. When she gets home, she's sure Ben knows what she has been up to.. After all, she probably kind of smells like Steve, and she's sure she has a couple of hickeys, but... as mentioned before, Ben is perfect. And he proves that once more by not asking any questions and simply getting her a glass of water and some painkillers.

[millenialfanfictionaddiction]

🐺 Being MSBY's Manager 🐺

Being Atsumu's Crush and Pregnant

Atsumu Miya with/MSBY x Female Pregnant Manager

Warnings: reader is pregnant, swearing, angst to fluff, toxic behavior from YN (drinking to cope, unsafe sex), description of birth (dramatized for funsies)

AN: This was a suggestion from kitty 😺 anon!!! Its based off my MSBY Group Chat, Team Disappointment!

🦋 please like, comment and share to support my art 🦋

Ok I'm wasting zero time getting into this one

Because it's about to be LONG

We have 9 whole months to cover people 👏🏻

At this point, just consider it a short story in bullet point format 🤣

Enter Miss YN LN, manager of the division 1 team the MSBY Black Jackels 🙌🏻

I love that for you 🥰

You are so loved and adored by all your boys and they support you so much 🥺

However there's one team member that you have an extra special relationship with

One, Atsumu Miya ❤️

I know, shocking right?

But there's always been something about Atsumu

You two just get along really well

He teases you, you throw a volleyball at him 🥰

We love a strong relationship

It wasn't long before you developed a crush on Atsumu

But you learned quickly that Atsumu didn't feel the same way about you 😕

Or at least you thought 🙃

Sakusa was the first to notice your infatuation with Atsumu

He's amazing about observing and noticed how your eyes lingered on our favorite setter

Sorry Oikawa 😶

But you are too nervous to say anything

You go a while thinking you might have a chance with Atsumu

Until you overhear him talking with Bokuto and Hinata

"YN is a real catch right? Any guy would be lucky to date her!"- Bokuto, our hype king

"Yeah I guess. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like YN but she's just not my type"- Atsumu 🤡

It's a hard pill to swallow 😔

Hearing that is a total bruise to your ego

The tears start to well as you turn around to leave, seeing Sakusa standing right behind you

Great now your all embarrashed 😫

"YN are you ok?"- Sakusa, concerned

You smile "Yeah I'm good. I just- I gotta go clean up"- you quickly making your exit past Sakusa and the rest of the team

"What was that about?"- Meian, looking at Sakusa

Sakusa narrows his eyes and turns to leave

It's not his business to share and he doesn't want to say anything

However, what you don't know is that Atsumu is full of CRAP 💩

This man is in such denial that the girl who has become his best friend is also perfect for him

Fucking clown behavior istg 🙄

Atsumu is having such conflicted feelings for you and he has no idea what to do

He's never had turmoil like this before people 👏🏻

Unfortunately for him, things start heading south

You start to pull away from him at practice and he has no idea why

You still talk with him but its not the same

"Hey YN, you wanna hang out this weekend?"- Atsumu

"I'm sorry Sumu, I can't! Im going out with friends but thanks"- You, running back to practice

Atsumu is confused because you always made time for him

However what Atsumu doesn't know is that his "rejection" of you caused a downward spiral

Every weekend you've been going out, dancing with friends and drinking excessively

When you'd drink, the pain of your one-sided attraction to Atsumu went away

You were the center of many guys affections and ended up going home with several of them

Atsumu began to talk with you less and less, noticing you pulling away

Sakusa and the team watched as you two, once good friends became practical strangers

"Anyone feel weird when Atsumu and YN are on the court together?"- Inunaki

"Yeah, it's like being in the room with two divorced parents"- Thomas adds

Sakusa knows exactly what's happening and he wrestles with telling the truth or letting it go

Ultimately he sides with keeping it quiet

Please he still feels like it's nOnE oF hIs BuSiNeSs

A few weeks pass and tournament season kicks into gear

You've been forced to settle down with your wild nights because of your new rigorous schedule

Not to mention how tired you've been

Your body seems more worn down than usual and you figured you were just getting sick from all the extra practices

One morning you woke up, and your breasts were extremely sore

Like tender to the touch sore

"Geez ouch- I can't even wear my normal bra"- you say to yourself as you slowly dress

You honestly didn't pay any mind to the soreness, figuring you pulled a muscle in your chest for the previous practice

So you pop a few Tylenol and head to the gym

You enter the office as Meian and Barnes are sitting and talking

"Hey YN"- they say as a sudden wave of nausea hits you

Your eyes widen as the smell of coffee hits you and you sprint from the office to the bathroom, throwing up

Barnes and Meian take after you quickly

"Jesus YN are you ok?"- Barnes says knocking on the bathroom door

"Yeah YN, what the hell? You sick? Why are you here!?"- Meian

"YN's sick! "- Bokuto 😱

"Stay away from me YN. It's still flu season"- Sakusa

Please they are all so supportive 🤣

"I'm not sick! I don't know what came over me"- you say as you stand up, flushing the toilet and going to the sink

You wash your hands and begin to process what's been going on

Your exhausted, your breasts ache and you got sick off the smell of coffee?

How strange 🙃

Well it's a good thing there is a well placed tampon/pad machine right by the door to the bathroom to remind you of one teeny tiny thing

Your face pales as you look at the machine, mentally trying to calculate when your last cycle was

You feel sick and hot as you splash water on your face and try to figure out what to do

Good thing you have the most supportive team 😍

"YN ARE YOU FEELING BETTER YET? ATSUMU ISNT HELPING ME WITH MY SPIKING DRILLS AND I NEED YOU!"- Hinata crying through the door

"HINATA LEAVE YN ALONE!"- Meian screaming

Please you need to be alone and think about this

Probably after you buy a test 😅

You figure your best bet is to attend morning practice and run to the store on your lunch break while the guys head home to rest

"I'm coming"- you say, trying to shove all thoughts of being pregnant out of your mind

The morning drags on as lunch finally hits

The guys leave and you run to the nearest pharmacy, quickly running 🏃‍♀️ back to the bathroom of the gym

You read the instructions, as you mentally thank yourself for consuming extra water during practice

You pee on the stick and wait

Now, having taken multiple pregnancy tests in my life, I can say that 3-5 minite wait is arguably the scariest wait of someone's life 😅

It's a life changing thing YN!

You pace as you await the results, trying not to freak out

"Ok ok YN calm down! You don't even know if you're pregnant or not. This could all just be a giant fever dream. Or maybe your period is just really really late! Yeah that happens all the time"- you trying to talk yourself down from the cliff 😅

The timer on your phone goes off as you slowly approach the test...

You peer over, seeing a giant "Pregnant" on the screen

Your body gives out as you fall to the floor and sit there is shock

Ok but me when I first found out I was pregnant with my son 😆

Luckily or unluckily there seems to be a team member who hasn't yet left for home 🙃

Atsumu is walking by the girls locker room when he hears something fall

He stops, listens and knocks, slowly opening the door to make sure no one is in need to help

By this point, you're full on sobbing

He opens the door, seeing you on the floor, eyes wide and tears streaming down your face

"Yn! Omg are you ok?? What happened?"- Atsumu now running to you, falling besides you as he check you over

"Atsumu-" you say crying

Atsumu looks at your hand, seeing the test there

He picks it up, seeing the "pregnant" that brought you to your knees

"Where did you get this yn? Geez I knew you were an empath but YN this is a bit too far don't you think?"- Atsumu

Like I said 👉🏻 🤡

You 👉🏻👁💧👄💧👁 Atsumu it's mine...

It takes him a few seconds to process

Man goes through the 5 stages of grief

"No no- it- it cant"- Atsumu, in full denial

"Atsumu I'm pregnant"- you say, crying

"How YN??"- Atsumu

You 👉🏻👁💧👄💧👁 seriously...

"I know how YN but like HOW"- Atsumu

"I- I don't know! I thought I was being careful"- you, embarrassed now

"Jesus YN, is this why you've been pulling away from me?"- Atsumu says sitting next to you

Your head snaps to him

He noticed you'd been pulling away?

As much as you want to tell him, you feel like it will only add more to an already complicated situation

So you decide to keep quiet

"Yeah I- I didn't want to bother you"- you

"YN you're not a bother. Please I want to help" Atsumu says

"I don't want your pity Atsumu"- you say as you wipe your tears

"Shut up YN! It's not pity! You're my best friend and I care alot about you!"- Atsumu

You just stare at him, still crying

"Ok let's just think about this YN. Do you know what you want to do??"- Atsumu, jumping into adulting mode

"I think I should call the doctor"- you, wiping your tears

"Ok let's do it now"- Atsumu standing up

"Now- but Atsumu"- you

"No buts YN let's get going"- Atsumu says pulling out his phone and dialing

Please, assertive men 🥵

You just stand there as Atsumu talks to the receptionist

Atsumu tells the receptionist your birthday and name

"Yn they have an opening tomorrow afternoon is that good?"- Atsumu, putting his hand over the speaker

You 👉🏻👁👄👁 yeah-

Honestly shocked by Atsumu assertiveness and protectiveness

"We will take it! See you tomorrow"- Atsumu, hanging up

"Atsumu what are you doing?"- You

"If you think Im letting you do this alone YN, you're wrong"- Atsumu

Your heart swells as Atsumu smiles at you, hugging you tightly

He hasn't let the full situation sink in yet but don't worry, it will happen soon enough 🙃

You manager to get through afternoon practice and the next morning practice before you head to your appointment

Except you don't head there alone

Oh no no

Atsumu is right by your side

"Atsumu you don't have to-" you say, as Atsumu opens the door for you

"YN- enough! I told you I'm here for you"- Atsumu, grabbing your hand and pulling you into the clinic

In the clinic, Atsumu acts like a nervous father 😅

Honestly we love him for that

"Atsumu chill out, I'm the pregnant one"- You

"I know- I know but like I'm worried"- Atsumu pacing as the doctor comes in the checks you over

You get an ultrasound to check for due dates

And now, for moms educational time 🙌🏻

So sometimes, a person will have an ultrasound done to check on the fetus

And this ultrasound might be a probe ultrasound, which is done vaginally

Yes, it can be uncomfortable but it's sometimes easier to see the fetus this way and get a more accurate gestational age

I'm not doctor or nurse, this is just my own personal experience from having been pregnant 3 times

So let's just say that's what you do

Atsumu is still in the room when the doctor goes to perform this ultrasound

His face goes from 😐 to 😳 to 😱 real quick

"Whoa whoa you have to do that!"- Atsumu says interrupting the doctor, standing right by your wide open legs

"Atsumu, please"- You

"Sir I promise, your wife will be fine"- the doctor says, reassuring Atsumu

"Oh he's not-"

"I'm just worried about her that's all"- Atsumu says walking up to you, grabbing your hand and smiling

The fact that he didn't correct the doctor is both reassuring and confusing 🙁

You are already in a super emotional state and this isn't helping

"Well it's looks like you are 8 weeks YN and if you look here, you'll see what your body is working so hard for"- the doctor says, turning the screen to show you the fetus

It hits you all at once as your situation sets in

You're pregnant, actually pregnant

And you have no idea who the father is

You sit and stare at the screen as Atsumu stares with you

Except Atsumu is so amazed and in complete shock

Please he's so excited 🥰

The doctor prints you a picture as you clean up and get an updated folder of appointments and a book to read

You walk out with Atsumu, not speaking as you head towards your car

"YN, hey are you ok?"- Atsumu

"No- no im not ok"- you say quietly as the tears start to form

"Hey come here"- Atsumu says pulling you into his embrace as you sob loudly

"Atsumu, I- I'm scared to do this on my own"- you confess

"Don't you want to let guy know you're pregnant?"- Atsumu

Atsumu can't help but feel a little jealous

He never expressed his feelings to you

Heck his feelings didn't really make sense until just recently

You dodge the question and huddle closer as Atsumu holds you

"Hey yn- shhh you aren't going to be alone!"- Atsumu says rubbing your back

"What about the team? What about my job? Oh my god Atsumu"- you sobbing

Please those hormones can hit HARD

"Hey hey now! I'm here for you YN! I care about you and you're my best friend"- Atsumu

Please it pains him to say "best friend" but he basically friend zoned himself 💅🏼

"You- you really mean that?"- you 🥺

"Of course! And trust me, Meian and the team would rather go without a manager than see you go YN. I promise, we can tell them together"- Atsumu

You smile as you hug him and kiss his cheek

Please he melts from that act alone 😭

The next day, you walk into practice nervous

Atsumu is waiting for you at the door as he grabs your hand and leads you in

Immediately, when you enter the gym, all eyes land on you

"Ok what's wrong?"- Meian, sighing as he crosses his arm over his broad chest 🥵

You 👉🏻👁👄👁 seriously!!!

"It's just weird that you and Atsumu are acting so close when you've all but ignored each other for months"- Sakusa

"Yeah we are just a bit skeptical"- Inunaki

"Just spit it out already"- Barnes

"I'm Pregnant" "YN's Pregant!" - you and Atsumu say at the same time

The guys 👉🏻😐😳😲

"Atsumu you idiot! You knocked YN up!!"- Barnes yelling

"What the hell dude?? We talked about condoms!"- Meian

"I love how YN isn't getting lectured"- Sakusa 🤔

"She should know better too! Jesus christ!"- Inunaki

Please their overreaction isn't helping

You start to tear up and sniffle as your embarrassment sets in

"Hey! Knock it off you guys"- Thomas coming up to you

Atsumu hugs you as you continue to sniffle

Meian puts his fingers on the bridge of his nose and takes a deep breath

"We're sorry YN. This is just shocking"- Meian

"It's ok. But please, it's not Atsumu's fault"- You, protecting Atsumu

Bokuto and Hinata 👉🏻🤨🤨

"YN you do realize how a baby is made right?"- Bokuto

"Oh dear god"- Sakusa, walking away

"Yes Ko, remember I'm the one who taught you"- you 🙄

"She's saying I'm not the father guys"- Atsumu says calmly

Everyone stops and stares at you

Please where do they go from here 😅 this is so awkward

So leave it to us to blaze a trail

"I havent contacted the father yet. I- I'm pretty much on my own"- you explaining it gently

"YN say less, we are not here to judge"- Inunaki, his hand up stopping you 🤚🏻

"Yeah YN, we are only here to support you"- Barnes

"Have you decided what you plan to do YN?"- Meian

Atsumu stands next to you holding your hip and squeezing lightly

"I want to keep it. But I also want to stay your manager..."- You, whispering and trying not to cry again

"YN of course you can stay on!! We could never replace you"- Meian

"Really?"- you, now crying happy tears instead of sad ones

"Omg YN you are crying so much and I'm not sure whether it's happy or sad tears"- Hinata, panicking 😰

"It's happy tears Sho"- you say as you hug him tight

Atsumu is so happy and smiling bright as the team and you embrace

A month goes by things are progressing

"Good morning YN, little YN"- Meian says rubbing your belly as he walks by

First off, he asked and you said it was fine 🙂 always ask a pregnant person if you can touch them please!

Ask anyone if you can touch them... consent 👏🏻

Secondly, your bump has become a bit of a good luck charm for our boys

Inunaki swears it's the reason they are on a winning streak

Last week they beat EJP and this week they managed to win against the Adlers

Hinata and Bokuto come bounding at you as you brace for impact

But their force is stopped by a brick wall in the form of Atsumu 🧱

"What did I tell you two about jumping on YN?? She's growing a little YN!"- Atsumu 😡

Please he's so protective 😫

Sakusa walks up to you and pulls you into a side hug, whispering in your ear

"Hes got it so bad for you YN"- Sakusa, strolling away leaving you confused

Sure Atsumu has been attentive and very caring the last few weeks

He's taken to driving you places, making sure you have something to eat and taking you to appointments

He's stepped in as a friend and your biggest supporter

Too bad it's become more confusing than it was at first

Atsumu acts super protective of you and so loving

But then why did he say you weren't his type?

Maybe he's just being nice? Maybe he's caring for you as a friend would?

That must be it

You shove Omi's comments about Atsumu down as you proceed with your day

The weeks go by and soon your 20 weeks

Yay for half way through with your pregnancy 🙌🏻

You've been through alot these past few weeks and it's been entails and emotionally exhausting

You hadn't told anyone but you contacted as many of the guys you slept with as you could

None of them showed any interest in being a father, nor did they want anything to do with you 😔

It's was a big hit to your ego and your emotions

You spent the weekend crying and dodging all Atsumu's attempts to hang out

Claiming you were too sick

It honestly worried Atsumu who wanted to make sure you were OK

Mans was willing to drive to your place at 11 pm to take you to the urgent care if needed YN 👏🏻

But you just wanted to be alone and process everything

You never felt so alone and it was honestly so scary

Despite all the love and support you received from the team, it wasn't the same

You managed to hide your sadness from the team and soon it was time for your twenty week ultrasound

Atsumu asked to come with you and of course you said yes 🥰

It felt so nice to have someone with you, supporting you even if it was just as a friend

"Ok YN, would you like to know the babies sex?"- the ultrasound tech says

"Yes please"- you say, watching the screen as the tech moves the probe around your stomach

"Looks like a baby girl to me"- she exclaims as you begin to cry, tears flooding your eyes as Atsumu stands up, kissing your forehead, his tears mixing with yours

Please supportive Atsumu 😭😭😭

Guys I can't 🥺

The next day, you walk into the gym only to be bombarded by the team

"It's a girl right?"- Bokuto says as Meian pushes him back

"Knock it off Bokuto, we all know it's a boy"- Meian says smirking

"What? So you can tell what the baby is just by looking at YN?"- Barnes 🤨

"I told you it's captain intuition! I'm in tune with my team"- Meian say proudly

"Well you need to retune Shugu because the baby is a girl!"- you say as Bokuto and Hinata jump up and down, celebrating with you

Inunaki, Thomas and Barnes all laugh at Meian as he glares back

"Ok ok- fine I was wrong! But everything is good right YN?"- Meian

"Yep! She's perfect!"- you say, smiling as Atsumu puts his hand on your belly and kisses your forehead

Sakusa looks at you both questioningly

"Alright let's get changed for practice! YN do you got everything?"- Meian says

"Yes captain"- you say rolling your eyes as you take your jacket off, revealing your MSBY shirt covering your now growing bump

"Don't lift anything YN"- Barnes says

"Thomas and I will do the nets YN"- Inunaki says

"And I'll get the towels"- Bokuto chimes in

"Guys I'm fine!! You can help with the nets and carrying the water but I'm still capable!"- you throwing your hand in the air as you walk away

The guys all move the the locker rooms, a permanent smile stuck on Atsumu's face

"You look happy dude"- Hinata says

"I am! YN and I have become really close again. It's nice!"- Atsumu

"So you only plan to be her friend?"- Sakusa

Please he's held out as long as he could 😅

"What are you talking about?"- Atsumu

Hinata, Bokuto, Meian, Inunaki, Barnes and Thomas are all like 👀👀👀👀

Nosey bitches

They will purposely change slowly just because 🤚🏻

Sakusa sighs, he really doesn't want to say anything but he also knows your in a fragile state and he doesn't want you to get hurt

"Listen Sumu-"

Oh shit he's broken out the nickname 😱

"A few months ago, YN heard what you said about her not being your type-"

Atsumu's face pales, Sakusa continues

"I think it really got to her man. Listen, I knew she liked you but I didn't want to interfere. Maybe I should have but I didn't know she was going out and doing what she was doing"- Sakusa

Atsumu states at Sakusa in shock, sitting down on the bench, all the color now gone from his face

"What was she doing Kiyoomi?"- Meian interjects

Sakusa sighs and continues

"She was going out with her friends, getting drunk and going home with different guys. Listen I don't want to speculate but hasn't anyone wondered why YN has mentioned the baby's dad?"- Sakusa

"I mean I just figured he didn't want to be involved"- Thomas

"Are you saying that YN doesn't know who the father is?"- Barnes says sitting down

Sakusa nods and looks at Atsumu who is sitting quietly

"Holy shit-" Hinata says

"Sakusa, what the hell man? Why are you bringing this up now?"- Meian says

"YN is really fragile right now and I don't want her or you getting hurt. I know you care alot about her but-"

"I want to be with her Kiyoomi"- Atsumu interjects

The room quiets as Atsumu looks up to see his teammates gaping at him

"Dude are you-" Thomas says

"Atsumu, nobody expects you to take that on. I mean, not even YN would"- Barnes

Atsumu knows its alot but he can't help but recount his feelings the last few months

He remembers how sad he was when you pulled away and began ignoring him

How upset he was when you continued to shrug him off week after week

How the knot in his stomach grew when you told him you were pregnant

The jealousy he felt knowing he wasn't the baby's biological father

It killed him to see how upset you were the day he found you in the bathroom

Then to see you so happy again your ultrasound

It made him want to be apart of everything

"I think you need to talk to YN first Atsumu"- Thomas

"Yeah I mean, she's the one who will need to ultimately decide"- Inunaki

Atsumu sighed as he went about getting changed and then heading to practice

He knew he needed to talk to you and he had just the plan to do it

A few weeks went by as you and your belly continued to grow

Being almost 27 weeks was exhausting and taking an emotional toll on you

Your body was always sore, your feet hurt and all you wanted to do was sleep

You took it as easy as you could at practice

Atsumu made sure to constantly have a chair available for you as he pushed you into it more than necessary during the day

"Sumu really I'm fine"- you, being set carefully in the chair

"YN, sit!"- Atsumu says, grabbing another chair and putting your feet on it

"Sumu-"

"Here YN, Samu made you some Onigiri"- Atsumu said handing you the package as you grab it from him

You start eating as your eyes fill with tears as you chew

"YN Jesus, there's no need to cry!"- Atsumu

"It's just so good Sumu"- You 😭😭😭

Ok then 😐

That weekend, Atsumu asked over for dinner

Your agreed, enjoying your time with him

During dinner, Atsumu decided to approach the subject he's been avoiding for weeks

"YN, listen I want to talk to you"- Atsumu

"Sure Sumu, what's up?"- you a tad bit nervous

"YN, I want to be involved in the baby and your lives"- Atsumu

"Sumu you already are"- you confused 😕

"No- I mean, I want to be more than just a friend YN"- Atsumu

Your eyes widen as you sit back, your hand going to your belly

"Sumu I-"

"Listen YN, Sakusa told me what you heard and I just want to let you know, I was confused"

"Wait what? Sakusa told you"- you now standing up, mortified

"YN listen, it's ok! There's nothing wrong! I know you dont know who the babies father is and thats ok!"- Atsumu

You're absolutely mortified and feeling sick

If Atsumu knows, does the whole team know?

You feel so cheap and it's breaking you 🥺

"No everything's wrong Atsumu! God I can't believe Sakusa told you! Told you about everything! God I'm so embarrassed!"- you now stumbling around the chair, rushing towards the door

"YN please wait!"- Atsumu chasing you

"Sumu no! I don't need your pity! I got myself into this and I can do this myself. I know I'm 'not your type' or whatever but I'm not just some charity case"- You, crying

"YN Please stop!"- Atsumu, trying to get you to stay

"Leave me alone Sumu! God I can't believe I was so stupid!"- you, completely emotional and irrational

You take off out the door as Atsumu stands there, not sure if he should go after you or not

He calls Sakusa who answers right away

"Hey man-" "YN left! She fucking left! God I fucked up so bad! And now she's out on the streets alone. God what if she gets hurt or something happens to her!! Oh my god! What do I do??"

"Fuck- ok I'm going to call her, you go down and look for her. Follow her if you have to and make sure she gets home safe. I'll call Meian and see if he can go check on her"- Sakusa, our planning king

"Ok"- Atsumu says hanging up as he runs down the stairs to try and find you

Only your gone 😔

Your phone rings and rings as you sit on the train

You look to see you have missed calls from the entire team including Atsumu

You put your phone back in your pocket as you head to your apartment

Once inside you strip your clothes off, shower and put comfy sweats on

At this point, your just going through the motions, your brain on auto pilot

A pounding on your door jolts you from your trance

"YN OPEN UP NOW"- Meian shouts

You walk to the door, opening it to see Meian, Thomas and Inunaki all standing there

"Jesus woman! Could you answer your phone maybe?"- Thomas says

"I'm fine. There's nothing to worry about" you say in a monotone voice

"Well that's not what Atsumu said YN. He said you ran out of his apartment when he tried talking to you"- Meian

"Listen I don't need Atsumu or anyone's sympathy ok? I know I'm a fucking slut! I know I fucked up! I don't need anyones pity!" You now shouting as the tears fall down your cheeks

Seriously the theme of these headcannons is alot of crying 🥲

"YN"- Inunaki says as you look at him, his eyes sad

"I just want to be alone ok? Please let me be alone"- You, begging and tears falling

"Text us later ok?"- Meian says, taking the hint and turning to leave

You nod as you close and lock your door

Your tears falling steady as you turn to head to bed

The next few weeks go by in a daze

There is a odd unsettling in the air at the gym as you go about your job, steering as clear of Atsumu as you can

He watches you as you try and put the towels up

"Let me help" "I'm fine but thank you"- you say as you put the towels up and walk away

He's miserable, you're miserable, everyone's miserable

And you know what we love to do here 👀

Make everyone more miserable before we make them better 🙌🏻

So let's bring on some more pain, shall we 🙃

At 30 weeks, you wake up feeling exhausted

You haven't been able to sleep much and your body is constantly tired and sore

You make it to the gym just as you feel a sharp pain stab your back

You bend over, grabbing a chair as you curse

"Fuck" you squeak out as the pain dissipates

You wonder what's going on as the guys flood the gym and you straighten up

Atsumu looks at you as you smile lightly, turning to walk away

You come out from the office, a stack of papers in your hand as another pain shoots from your back

"Oh fuck"- you scream, as the papers go flying and your legs buckle

The teams heads snap your way as they rush to support you

"YN what's wrong?"- Atsumu

"My back- fuck it hurts Sumu"- you say, crying as the pain continues

"Shit, get her a chair Bokuto"- Meian says as Bokuto runs to grab you a seat

"Here YN"- Bokuto says as Sumu and Sakusa help you sit

The pain continues as you moan and cry through it

"We should take you to the hospital YN"- Thomas says as you nod

You're scared and it's about to get scarier

You stand up, and Barnes gasps

"Fuck YN your bleeding"- Barnes says as your face pales, looking at the seat seeing your blood soaking through

"Ambulance now!"- Meian shouts as Sakusa calls and Atsumu supports you

You start crying frantically as Atsumu holds you

"Sumu, the baby!! It's so early!"- you cry as Atsumu hugs you

"YN shhh- it's ok! Hey it's going to be ok! I'm not leaving you!"- Atsumu says reassuring you

"Atsumu, I'm so sorry- please" "shhh none of that! You have nothing to be sorry for baby!"- Atsumu says holding you close

The ambulance arrives as you are loaded in, Atsumu riding with you to the hospital

When you arrive, the doctors whisk you away to the maternity unit

Atsumu tries to follow up is stopped

"I'm sorry sir but only family from here on out"- the nurses says

"Fuck-" "He's the babies dad! Please let him come"- you shout as Atsumu looks at you, his eyes wide and tears filling the ducts

"Ok come with me sir"- the nurse says, bringing you both to a room

Hours go by as you sit and wait

The doctors were able to locate the babies heartbeat within seconds, reassuring you and Atsumu she was still ok

Atsumu sat next to you, holding your hand as he watched you

"YN, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for everything. Please I never wanted this to happen"- Atsumu says

"Don't apologize Sumu. I should have listened to you. But I didn't. I'm sorry for this whole mess"- you, saddened

"YN, I love you and our baby so much! Please don't apologize for anything. I want to be here with you the entire way. That is, if you'll have me?"- Atsumu

Please now I'm crying 😭

"Atsumu, you mean it?"- You 🥺

"YN, if I didn't think it was inappropriate, I'd propose right now"- he says, smiling at you

"Please don't yet, I've had enough excitement for one day"- you say, laughing at Atsumu smiles

The doctor walks in

"Well good news YN is that your waters haven't broken and baby seems ok. It looks like you had a small subchorionic hematoma. It wasn't noted earlier on your ultrasounds, probably because it was so small. However it could have grown and then burst, causing the bleeding. It looks like everything is fine but just to be safe, I want you on bedrest for the next few weeks. That means laying down 23 hours a day, only getting up to use the bathroom"- the doctor says

Your eyes widen and you nod your head, you look to Sumu

"Sumu, my job. I cant-" the tears are falling again

Seriously so many tears 😢

"Hey- hey, it's fine YN! I'm here to help you. Let me help ok?"- Atsumu says as you nod, placing trust in him

The doors to your room fly open as 7 giant men enter

Please they probably scared everyone on the floor 😅

"Hey hey hey YN! How are you feeling?"- Bokuto

"Much better thank you guys!"- you say smiling as you place your hand on your belly

"Is that the baby's heartbeat?"- Sakusa asks

"Yep that's our baby girl"- Atsumu adds

"And she's staying in for a while??"- Meian 😑

"Yes, unfortunately I'll have to go on bed rest so I won't be able to manage for a while. I hope that's ok?"- you, really hoping it's ok

"YN please you think we could ever replace you?? Plus Atsumu would never allow it"- Barnes

Atsumu nods as you laugh a little

Suddenly your belly moves as the baby shifts

"What in the hell was that??"- Hinata 😳

"Oh she's just moving and kicking. She really hates these straps. Do you want to feel?"- You being freaking cute

Hinata nods as he approaches and feels the baby as she kicks

"Omg thats SO COOL YN!"- Hinata

"Hey me next!"- Bokuto

Like I've said before, literal children Yn

The guys leave soon and you spend your night trying to sleep

Astumu stayed by your side the entire time

The next morning, you were discharged and Atsumu drove you home

Only it wasn't to your home 🤨

"Umm Atsumu... this is your place"- you say, questioning

"Yep! You're staying with me so I can take care of you"- Atsumu says getting out of the car and walking over to your door

You 👉🏻👁👄👁 uhh ok...

Atsumu opens your door, lifting you into his arm as he carries you to his apartment

He sets you down gently on the bed and kisses your forehead

"You know, I can walk right?"- You

"You're growing my baby YN and the doctor said 'only get up when you need to use the bathroom' so no you can't just walk"- Atsumu

You roll your eyes as you hear the doorbell ring

Atsumu leaves and returns with Osamu who has brought food

"Hello my future sister in law"- Osamu, just stating the obvious

"Hey Samu! It's so nice to see you!"- You hugging your future brother in law 🥺

"I brought you food and enough to help feed you for the week. Because I don't trust Atsumu to make sure your feeding my niece enough"- Osamu

Atsumu 👉🏻😐 🧍‍♂️ I'm right here-

"Oh I know you are, that's why I said it"- Osamu 🙃

The weeks go by as you slowly approach your due date

At your 37 week appointment you are cleared to go back to work as long as you take it easy

The next day you waddle your way into the gym

"Whoa YN, you smuggling a couple volleyballs under that shirt"- Inunaki 🤣

You 👉🏻 😐 and I'm leaving

"Jesus christ we just got her back! Don't make her leave!"- Thomas

"YN!"- Our two bubbly boys say running at you

Sakusa steps in their way to stop them from mauling you

"Do you two have any other speed besides full steam?"- Sakusa

Meanwhile, Atsumu is dragging in two chairs, one for you to sit and another to put your feet up

He's also brought a bag full of water, refreshments and snacks for you

"Jesus Atsumu, did you bring the bag for the hospital too?"- Barnes jokes

"Yeah it's in the car! Do you think I'll need it??"- Atsumu ready to run to the car

"Atsumu love, chill out! I'm fine"- You

"YN the doctor said the baby can come anytime now, I'm just preparing ok!"- Atsumu

"Sumu I'm not even dilated yet! I doubt it's going to happen that fast"- You

Famous last words YN 🙃🙃🙃

Ok now before I get to the labor part, I just want to say that every labor is different

Like VERY different and I'm exaggerating this for funsies

Because who doesn't like chaos???

So let's get to it!

39 weeks 🙌🏻 congrats YN you made it to "full term"

And honestly, you are SO done

You can't sleep, your back hurts, your constantly going to the bathroom, your feet hurt and your body is just done

Not to mention, your patience with pretty much everyone

Most days, you sit in your chair in the corner of practice brooding 🤣

Hinata and Bokuto are scared to approach you

Heck all the guys are 😅

But today is the day YN and oh boy is it going to be painful

You wake up that morning feeling off

Atsumu is out on his run while you go about showering and getting ready for practice

At your last appointment your cervix was barely dilated and the doctor said it could be another 2 weeks before they see anything happen

But today just felt strange

The baby is lower and there is alot of pressure in your pelvis

Your back hurts and you are struggling to walk

You lean over the counter trying to relieve some pressure as Atsumu walks in

Immediately our man is on alert

"Whats wrong? Yn are you ok?"- he says running up to you

"Yeah Sumu I'm ok. Just alot of pressure and my back hurts"- you say as Atsumu applies pressure to your back to help

He kisses your neck as he rocks you

"Maybe you should stay home today?"- Atsumu

"Nah I'm ok. Maybe walking will get this little one going"- you say

"Ok baby. I'm going to change and we can head to practice"- Atsumu says, kissing you as he goes to change

As he's changing, you feel a pressure build in your back, stay and then leave

I'm no expect YN but I think that was probably a contraction

Spoiler alert: it was 😏

You sit there after the pain leaves and wonder what exactly is happening

It's one of those "I think I might be in labor but I'm not sure and I don't want to get too excited" moments

You brush off the contractions and move to get ready to leave

At the gym, you are sitting in the office when another contraction hits

It's your 3rd one in a half an hour and you start to think you are actually in labor

But you don't tell Atsumu yet 👀

Because you know exactly what will happen

Alot of panic, very little disco 🤣

You vow to tell him of your contractions start coming closer together

Which happens alot sooner than you plan

"Hey YN! Can you bring the copy of the new roster out?"- Meian yells as you grab the paper

You make it to the gym floor just as a huge contraction hits

You grab onto the door frame and feel a slight pop as your leggings begin to dampen

"Shit!"- you cry as Meian and Barnes heads snap to you

Barnes notices your leggings dampen and looks from your legs to your eyes and back down

"Oh holy SHIT!"- he yells as Thomas, Inunaki and Sakusa come running out

"What??"- Thomas says

"Yn did your..."- Meian

"Yep, my waters broke"- you, still gripping onto the door frame

There's a good 1 minute of silence before sheer panic sets in

Meian and Inunaki run to you and help you to make sure your supported

Meanwhile, Atsumu, Hinata and Bokuto come in from the back after filling water bottles

Atsumu sees you being supported, looks down, sees your pants, looks back up and sees your face

That's all she wrote people

Those water bottles are done for because Atsumu is SPRINTING to you just as another contraction hits

"Shit YN!! Are you ok? Tell me what's happening?"- Atsumu

You breath through the pain as Atsumu and the guys watch on

"I think I've been having contractions all morning but just now I'm pretting sure my water broke or I peed myself"- you

"Eww YN really"- Sakusa

You glare at Sakusa who is now your enemy

"We have to get to the hospital"- Atsumu

"Sumu remember the doctors said it could be hours or even days! We have time-" you growl as a contraction hits

"You think you have time YN? Because those contractions are awfully close together"- Barnes

"How do you know about that?"- you, gritting through the pain

"Atsumu sent us all an emergency birth plan with details that we all had to read"- Barnes say shrugging

You 👉🏻👁💧👄💧👁

"Now is not the time to deal with this! We have to get YN to the hospital NOW!"- Atsumu in adulting mode

Meian and Inunaki support you as Atsumu runs around

Please he's so excited, nervous and scared he can't function

"Tsum tsum calm down!"- Bokuto

Everyone looks at him like 😲 because Bokuto being the voice of reason 🤨

That's strange, that's weird

Suddenly a huge pressure hits you as your knees buckle and you begin to fall

"YN holy shit-" Hinata says running to you

"It hurts so bad"- you, screaming

For real tho, I screamed so loud they said they were lucky the birthing floor was empty 😅

And imagine the echo of a gym at that 🤯

"What hurts YN?"- Sakusa

You're head snaps to him like bro... seriously

"MY VAGINA SAKUSA!"- you, screaming

"I know that you idiot I mean what are you feeling?"- Sakusa

"Hey don't call the mother of my child an idiot ya idiot!"- Atsumu, ready to fight

"WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP"- You, gritting your teeth

Any chance you had at a serene birth experience is long gone YN 😅

"Ugh I feel like I have to push"- you shout as everyone freezes

Meian and Inunaki are still supporting you

Thomas and Barnes 👉🏻 👁👄👁 here???

Bokuto and Hinata just stand there 🧍‍♂️ 🧍‍♂️

"Wait- now? You said we had time YN!"- Atsumu, panicking

"Clearly I was wrong Sumu"- you say gritting your teeth as another contraction comes

"I'm calling an ambulance now"- Sakusa says running

You feel pressure as you move your hand to lower your pants

Please everyone is about to lose their minds

"YN I don't think the gyms insurance covers this"- Meian

"Seriously are these floors even stain proof?"- Barnes

"I mean their water proof right?"- Thomas

You glare at them as they all stop talking

"You're right YN not the time"- Meian says, holding you as you move your pants down

"The ambulance is like 5 minutes away"- Sakusa says running back in

"We need towels"- Atsumu says, realizing this is not waiting

Hinata and Bokuto run 🏃‍♂️ as fast as they can and grab towels

"Ok YN, you need to breath. Remember in and out, good job baby!"- Atsumu says praising you

Please he's a rock in a tough situation

He just goes into autopilot

"Sumu, it hurts so bad" you say gritting your teeth

Atsumu checks under your shirt to see

"Oh my god ok this is really happening. Yn the babies head is right there"- he says his eyes as wide as saucers

"WHAT??"- you scream as another contraction hits

"Ok ok YN when the contraction hits, bare down on and put your weight on Meian and Inunaki"- Atsumu

"God YN, I'm so sorry some man did this to you!! I'm scheduling a vasectomy tomorrow"- Inunaki states

You scream as you feel the pressure hit a new high

"The ambulance is a minute away YN just hold on"- Sakusa screams from the doors as he waits

"Sumu I cant- I can't! I was promised drugs! You promised me drugs!"- You scream

Fun fact 👉🏻 actual quote from me

"YN, hey, I believe in you and I love you"- Sumu says as he looks up at you smiling

You nod, bearing down as you feel the pressure build and then slip from your body

"Holy shit"- Barnes shouts as the gym floods with first responders and Atsumu holds your new baby girl

"You did it YN! You did it baby! I fucking love you so much! Omg she's so perfect!"- Atsumu says crying as he holds your now screaming daughter, the ambulance crew handing him towels and checking her vitals

"Hello YN! I'm Mai, let's get you to a gurney ok??"- Mai says as you nod and Meian and Inunaki help you on the gurney, you daughter still attached by her umbilical cord

"Dad would you like to cut the cord? Then we can help YN get the placenta out"- Mai says handing Atsumu the scissors as he holds your baby close.

"Wait I'm not done yet?"- you say panicking

"It will be quick YN. After birth contractions will help"- Mai says as she helps you deliver the placenta

Atsumu hands you the baby as you look at her and start to cry

"Sumu she's perfect"- you say looking at him

"Just like you YN"- atsumu says, kissing you as you head the to hospital

✨️ Bonus ✨️

1 month later...

[chosonore]

infatuation

infatuation [noun. strong but not usually lasting feelings of love or attraction]

pairing: kamo choso/f!reader

summary: in a spurt of recklessness, you hire an escort to help you learn about relationships and intimacy. what you didn't expect was to fall in love with him along the way. [part of the kamo escorts collab]

wordcount: 23.3k

content/warnings: escorts au, slow burn, language, smut!!!, fluff, soft dom!choso, reader is very oblivious and painfully awkward, awkward firsts, dry humping, handjobs, oral sex (m + f receiving), fingering, uh somewhat public sex, loss of virginity, oral fixation, praise kink, lowercase is intended [VERY VERY UNEDITED]

a/n: hello here it is and finally done!!! i've been sitting at this for a week straight now and while i'm not super happy with it, it would've been a shame to just throw it out tbh. writing improvement is a slow progress after all! i'm dedicating this to @sukirichi who always hyped me up while i was writing this, happily welcomed me to the collab and who always supports my writing and i really appreciate it. thank you, from the bottom of my heart! (argh i have so many cut scenes that i ran out of space for dividers, sorry! hope the reading flow still makes sense though)

"that's what you were so worried about?" nobara looked at you incredulously, as if you grew two heads and asked for her firstborn. "you were scared that guys don't like you because you've never dated anyone?"

you let out an embarrassed whine, pushing at her arm in an attempt to get her to shut up. it wasn't your fault that she jumped to (multiple and very wrong) conclusions when you'd called her and maki, asking them to meet up so you could ask for advice. even maki looked mildly amused, patting your head apologetically. you were well aware of how ridiculous your issue sounds - the topic of dating had always made you anxious. you came from a very wealthy family that always sheltered and protected you from everything. you were their precious little girl after all; your father would rather drop dead than have you mingle with people who didn't treat you well and didn't deserve you. they meant well and it had never been an issue until you moved out to attend university (your parents had acted like you were leaving to travel the world and would never return, when really, you only moved two hours away from home).

even though nobara, maki and you had quickly become friends after you'd met at an event, you were wary to tell them about your background. it worried you, knowing how some people would treat you differently just to get on your good side and use you, so you opted to skirt around it as much as possible. it took you months until you opened up to them when you finally mustered up enough courage and trust to do so. they kept your secrets ever since, always protecting you and looking out for you. you were truly glad to be their friend. the two of them had grown suspicious when you kept declining their invites to join them for parties or to simply go to a bar and you were slowly starting to feel more and more guilty until you couldn't take it anymore and just confessed, asking them for advice.

"so that's why you're nervous even around inumaki," nobara concluded, propping her chin up in thought. "i didn't think your parents would be this protective. do they know that you want to start dating now?"

"no…" you confessed, fidgeting in your seat. "my dad, he um- he means well and usually has a good radar when he says that a guy doesn't deserve me. but i thought it was time to venture out on my own. it's good to have some experience, right?"

"i mean you're not wrong but i don't want you to be asking for advice simply because you feel pressured about dating since everyone else is doing it," maki retorted, giving you a concerned look.

you quickly shook your head. it wasn't that you felt pressured about not having any experience yet. you didn't necessarily want to admit to them that you were a hopeless romantic and liked the idea of being with someone; in the end, it was your own decision to venture. men made you nervous, you didn't know how to act around them and the thought of approaching a stranger by yourself was too scary. maybe it was a better idea to find someone to show you the ropes first, you felt embarrassed about your lack of knowledge and skills and - it wouldn't hurt to have some kind of dating training, right?

"i mean, technically, you could just ask one of the guys to take you out on a fake date. i'm sure megumi wouldn't mind," nobara was already pulling out her phone, making you grabbing her hand in panic and furiously shaking your head.

"i don't want to get them involved in this! it would make things pretty awkward and that's the last thing i would want. isn't there any other solution?" you explained quietly, playing with the hem of the dress. you felt bad for rejecting all their suggestions but you simply didn't want to be a burden to your other friends either.

"well," nobara and maki looked at each other grinning. "you could hire a fake boyfriend."

"really? you can hire tho-"

"escorts, y/n, escorts," nobara pushed her phone over to you, pointing on the screen. frowning, you read the little description. kamo escorts. you'd never thought about hiring someone, let alone knew enough about the topic. judging from nobara's face, she seemed to be well versed and it made you slightly suspicious.

"it's the easiest way for you and you have enough money to pay for their service. it's convenient, you can adjust it to your schedule and they'll send someone who fits your preferences. you choose the spot for your date and they'll make it happen, right? it's perfect and you don't have to worry about getting anyone involved," she explained, tapping at the bottom of the screen. "just give them a call, they'll walk you through the entire process. if you don't like it, you can find someone else or just abort mission."

"what do you mean they'll send someone who fits my preferences?" it did sound like an easy process, almost too easy. something was bound to go wrong, you could feel it. "i don't even know what my preferences are, so how could they possibly-"

"y/n, you might be blind but we are not," maki flicked your forehead playfully, she was more perceptive than you. "if you want, you can call them right now and we'll help you with the preferences, okay? maybe that'll ease your nerves a little."

"now?" you squeaked, eyes widening in horror. you weren't prepared at all; when you invited them over you were only planning to gather advice and then act on it.

"yeah! come on, it'll be fun and it's not like they can see your face," nobara grinned and was already dialing the number, moving away from you agilely before you could snatch the phone out of her hands. you wanted the earth to swallow you, why did they think that this was a good id-

"good evening, thank you for calling kamo escorts. my name is ijichi, how may i help you?" a male voice sounded from the phone, you instinctively dove behind the couch but maki was quicker and pulled you back with one fluid motion. curse her strength and speed.

"yes, hi, my friend here would like to hire an escort but she's too shy to do so, so we're helping her with the entire process. i hope you don't mind?"

"if it helps to ease the nerves, not at all."

nobars nudged you, holding the phone out. you pouted at her, shaking your head like a stubborn child. she rolled her eyes and pushed the phone into your hand forcefully, making you panic as you didn't want ijichi hearing your wrangling.

"um, yes, i- i'd like to hire someone but- ah nobara already mentioned that! it's for… for dates! i just need someone to go on dates with me."

"i see. is this a formal event?"

"n-no! i just need dating training of sorts, so casual is fine… if i do need to attend a formal event in the future, would that be a problem?"

"not at all, simply let us know when booking. our escorts are trained to be able to adapt to any situation and event, there is nothing you need to worry about, miss. do you have any specific preferences?"

"uh i-"

nobara leaned over your shoulder. "she prefers more mature guys! someone who's caring and attentive, someone who's not too outgoing and loud, it has to match her energy! since this is date training, there's probably going to be a lot of awkwardness so we'll need someone who is patient too. someone who can act like the best boyfriend to ever boyfriend. as for looks, i think she's fine with everything- although wait, maybe dark hair. yep, dark hair."

you couldn't believe her, she practically directed the entire call for you as if she'd made a plan beforehand, knowing that it would come to this. there was no doubt that she'd had this in mind, this was nobara after all. maki, on other hand, was watching you amused; she didn't usually engage in whatever shenanigans nobara was up to but she was always a bystander who very much enjoyed your reaction just now.

"miss, do you agree with the listed preferences?" ijichi asked after a moment of silence. you could hear him typing and occasionally scribbling on paper.

"yeah, yes, that's fine. is it possible to book him on weekends? i don't know if this is going to work out just yet so maybe once a week on fridays? i've never done this before so yeah."

"that is doable, yes. if you wish to engage in sexual relations, you may discuss it with your escort. these services come at an additional cost, of course."

"i don't-"

nobara interrupts you again, smirking at you cheekily. "it would be beneficial, so please take that into consideration when choosing the escort!"

"alright, thank you," ijichi went silent for a minute while he was organizing the files and schedules. "there are some possible candidates with whom i have to check with first. i will get back to you, should they agree to the job. after that we can exchange personal information and contacts so we can discuss the matter further."

"okay um. thank you, mr ijichi, i appreciate your help," you thanked him bashfully, giving him your number before thanking him again. you were already so deep in thought that you didn't even listen to his reply. now you've really gone and done it. were you crazy? what if your parents found out? they'd riot and be immensely disappointed in you. getting some dating experience through dating an escort, only nobara could ever come up with something like this.

"how do you feel?" maki inquired and rubbed your shoulders in concern, seeing how quiet you suddenly grew. weakly shrugging with your shoulders, you grasped the fabric of your shirt and nervously fiddled with it. the entire ordeal filled you with anxiety, a myriad of thoughts circling in your brain. it was the first time doing something "reckless" and it left you feeling nauseous.

"i'm not sure." you hesitated. "i'm curious to see how it goes but it just makes me really nervous. how do i act around him? and what if he finds me weird?"

"i don't think he's going to think you're weird just because you get nervous around guys. and besides, ijichi said he'd find the perfect guy for you, yeah? don't worry about it too much. if you don't feel comfortable after the first date, we'll figure something out."

"i guess so… um, but you guys don't mind accompanying me to it? just to make sure it's not some weird guy?" upon seeing your hopeful face, the two girls couldn't say no - of course not, you were their precious, innocent friend. as amusing as this situation was to them, they wanted nothing more than to support you and see you happy as well. you had already done a tiny step out of your little, sheltered world and much more was to come.

the ring of your phone nearly scared you to death, making you drop the book you were holding. quietly cursing, you picked it up and placed it on the table before answering the phone. who was even calling you at this time? everyone knew you were busy in the evening, slaving away on your assignments. it must be really important to interrupt your workflow like this- you almost dropped your phone in shock when you recognized ijichi's voice on the other side. admittedly, you forgot about the entire ordeal and didn't expect him to get back to you so soon. "good evening, ms y/n. i'm calling you regarding your inquiry so we can finalize all the details."

"u- uhm yes! thank you for calling!"

although ijichi was kind and patient, you were still nervous as you scribbled the details on a piece of paper. your escort's name was choso, he was a few years older than you and his schedule was very flexible. there wasn't more info, ijichi had announced that choso would call you as soon as possible. dread filled your stomach - it was nerve wracking to meet new people, not to mention someone you hired to be your fake boyfriend for the day. and now that you knew he was calling, all focus and concentration was thrown out the window. silently, you sat at the table and stared at your phone, waiting for the screen to light up. maki and nobara didn't need to know about this new development just yet as you wanted to navigate this on your own before telling them.

not too long after, your phone rang again, an unknown number flashing across the screen. it had to be him. even though you mentally prepared yourself for minutes, the anxiety came back full force. with trembling hands, you picked up, holding your breath as you waited for an answer. a deep, rather dulcet voice greeted you from the other side. you liked the sound of his voice, it almost put you at ease if it wasn't for your mind that constantly reminded you what was going on. you hastily introduced yourself to him and told him why you were requesting his services. the entire time, he was silent and let you speak - although you appreciated that he didn't interrupt you, every second that was passed in silence agonized you.

"hello y/n, my name is choso and i'll be your escort for the time being. ijichi told me you were looking for someone to pose as your fake boyfriend?"

"ah, uh yes sort of! i don't… have any experience when it comes to boyfriends and that kind of stuff. and i- i just wanted to learn what it's like to d- date and- and," your voice got smaller and smaller, until it was a mere whisper that was filled with all kinds of embarrassment that you felt. you couldn't help it, hopefully choso was still able to decipher what you were explaining. "you know, k- kissing and all that stuff. i've never done it with anyone before."

"i see," choso paused for a second, making your heart race. "i can't say i've had this situation before but i'm confident in my skills to guide you through this. before we first meet, let's set some boundaries so you feel comfortable at all times, okay?"

you hummed and nodded, although he couldn't see you over the phone. choso sounded like what nobara had described your ideal type - ijichi really had delivered and chosen the best possible match. choso knew what to say and how to steer the conversation in such a way that it didn't make you feel helpless or anxious. and you, in turn, felt like you could trust him with this issue.

"y- yes! uhm when i first called ijichi, a friend of mine helped me with the process and requested someone who was comfortable with sexual relations but… uh, to be honest, i never thought of requesting them. i'm not entirely sure if i want to do it either… i want to approach this in a slow manner, as slow as possible."

"alright, i can work with that. as for our first meeting, have you picked a time and location?"

you sighed in relief. choso seemed like a really nice and understanding person, leaving most of the options up to you. you knew it was part of his job but it felt nice to know that he was so forthcoming and accommodating. for the first date, you’d chosen a nice restaurant that had good reviews and little private booths. even though there was no way your father would ever magically appear and find out about your escapades, you were still trying to be secretive and cautious. the restaurant was situated in a widespread estate with beautiful gardens, the perfect spot to take stroll after dinner. in all the romance books you’d consumed, these type of dates seemed to be very popular - you thought to yourself why not? as you discussed your plans with him, you briefly wondered what he looked like. it felt weird asking him about it and you'd meet him soon anyways. maybe he looked like what you thought his personality was - like a prince charming? the prince that your dad had always assured you would come along. a small giggle left your lips at the thought of it; it was silly to believe it would turn out to be the love of your life. though it made you giddy thinking of your prince charming.

“is everything okay?”

“ah sorry, everything’s fine! i just had a silly thought a moment ago, that’s all,” reassuring choso quickly, you rubbed your cheeks in embarrassment. he must’ve thought that you were going crazy. “anyways, thank you for um, everything. i feel more comfortable now that i’ve discussed the details with you, thank you for being so patient. i look forward to meeting you!”

on the other end, choso hesitated, startled by your sudden enthusiasm when you were rather shy and timid before. it seemed that you were willing to open up a little more. he was curious himself, never having dealt with such a case before. usually, only experienced people who were looking for eye candy to accompany them to fancy events would hire him. he couldn’t imagine what you were like before meeting - it was nicer to get to know you in person after all, for the sake of a date setting. still, how were you able to afford the services? considering you were most likely a college student, he couldn’t fathom what lengths you went just to gain some experience. though he supposed, he shouldn’t judge you too quickly.

“i look forward to meeting you as well. see you on saturday, y/n.”

for hours you’d gone back and forth between outfits - casual? or more cute? maybe a mix of both? maki wasn’t much of a help either, mostly just giving you a thumbs up for every outfit while nobara had something to criticize about every outfit. you sighed, tossing yet another shirt onto the heaping pile of clothes. it was hard trying to impress someone that you didn’t know. the last item on your list was a simple, flowy dress and it seemed to be the best fit. you didn’t want to agonize over the choices any longer, seeing that the date was inching closer and closer. maki looked like she was bored out of her mind as well, scrolling through her phone as she was lounging on your couch with nobara. “are you sure you’ll be fine?” maki questioned you again. she was relieved about your good mood, how you were less apprehensive about the entire ordeal. when you first told them about choso after the phone call, you sounded slightly excited and were gushing about how nice he had been. you were hopeful that you could learn a lot from him. however, maki couldn’t help but worry about you, constantly making sure you were feeling okay.

“i’m sure i’ll be fine, don’t worry! we agreed to just have dinner today and let me test the waters… we’re really just doing whatever i feel comfortable doing for now,” you explained to the two of them, smoothing out the dress before grabbing your bag. “so yeah, i’m ready, i think. i mean if anything was to happen, i’ll let you know right away. i really have to go now though, you guys coming?”

nobara made a noise of protest, not wanting to get up from your bed which promptly earned her a nudge from maki. you giggled at your friend’s antics, grasping her arm to pull her up. as lighthearted and happy as you acted, you tried to hide your nervousness in front of your friends. worrying them did no good. as the three of you made your way to the restaurant, you checked your phone to see a text message from choso who asked to meet you in front of the building. you agreed, telling him that you would be there soon. the phone pinged again, choso had sent you a simple smiley. it made you grin a little, earning a suggestive glance from nobara whom you gently shoved.

"text us if anything happens, yeah? we can also pick you up afterwards so don't worry about it," maki reminded you again as you rounded the corner of the street, stopping mere meters in front of the restaurant so you could say goodbye to them. again, you reassured them that you would do as they suggested. you would be fine, because after all, choso was a professional. waving at your friends’ retreating figures, you slowly walked towards the entrance and let your eyes wander. the streets were busy, you couldn’t immediately make out anyone who was waiting in front of the restaurant. not that you really knew what choso looked like, you just hoped your search wouldn’t get more difficult with people waiting in the front. glancing at your reflection on the windows of a parking car, you made sure that you looked presentable and approachable.

“y/n?” your soul nearly left your body as you got startled by a deep voice behind you, now suddenly being aware of the figure behind you. whirling around, you almost hit the other person with your small bag with the swing. your eyes widened and you apologized profusely, fussing around to make sure the person was okay until you paused. wait a minute. this person knew your name. abruptly leaning back so you could look at the person’s face - they were very, very tall - you incredulously stared at them before spluttering: “c- choso? you’re choso?”

the taller male nodded, gently grasping your shoulders to steady you. on your bare skin, his hands felt scalding hot, making you painfully aware of how close you stood to each other. choso, for a lack of better terms, looked nothing like you’d expected but you couldn’t complain. he was attractive, very much so. he almost fit into the bad boy category, the type of men your dad would never let you close to. you felt inexplicably drawn to choso, like a moth to flames and you just couldn’t look away. he stared back at you, dark eyes glinting with concern as he took in your form. as your voice had suggested, you appeared to be a rather shy and timid person, looking at him like a deer in headlights. choso thought you were adorable, the way you were holding onto the sleeves of his shirt to not fall.

“i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to hit you! you just really scared me there,” you apologized again, letting go of the fabric in embarrassment. luckily, he didn’t seem to mind, patiently waiting until you were composed again.

“don’t worry about it, i’m okay. it’s nice to finally meet you. should we head inside?” he offered you his arm which you gratefully took and followed him inside. truth to be told, you were starstruck by him, still too flabbergasted to say another word. thankfully, choso had picked up on your speechlessness, silently chuckling to himself as he led you to your private booth. you sat across from him, quietly thanking the waiter as he handed you the menu. eyes flitting back and forth between it and choso, you fiddled with the hem of your dress. what would you even talk about? you felt awkward, not knowing what to ask him; your confidence had suddenly vanished with the earlier incident.

“you look like you’re about to faint,” choso teased you, giving you a cheeky smile. “i’m not gonna bite you, i promise. i’m supposed to be your fake boyfriend, right? ask me whatever you want, just act like we’re good friends. it’ll get better with time.”

you nodded eagerly, face heating up at the mention of boyfriends. how does one even act around them without prior experience? let’s not dwell on it for too long, you thought to yourself. fidgeting on your seat, you pointed at the menu. "do you already know what you'll be getting? a lot of people online recommended their signature dish so i thought we could try it… but all of their dishes sound really good!"

“how about we order different dishes and try from each other then?” choso suggested in response, amusedly watching how your eyes lit up at his idea. you nodded quickly, delving back into the menu to find your desired dish. glancing over to his side to see what he was looking at, you then pushed your menu over to him, pointing at the dish you would be ordering. choso nodded in understanding, skimming the pages until he found a dish that complimented it. not wanting to let you wait any longer, he gave the waiter a sign, ordering for the two of you. across of him, you stayed quiet, still contemplating what to ask him.

“feel free to ask me anything,” choso reminded you again, propping his chin on his hand and leaned closer to you. “when you first get to know someone, dates are really just to spend time with each other and getting to know the other person. if there’s something you two have in common, you’ll just go from there and bond over it, yeah?”

humming in thought, you nodded and looked up at him. “so uhm… what do you like to do in your free time? i’m still in uni, so i spend most of my days studying. but i really like reading when i’m free and i also volunteer at an animal shelter. the pets there make me really happy!”

“my job takes up the majority of my time, so i try to spend time with family and friends as much as possible. my younger brother has gotten me into surfing and paddle boarding, i really enjoy doing that. what do you study, if i may ask?”

“i want to become a veterinarian in the future! it’s been my dream ever since i was younger, so yeah… you said you have a younger brother? i have an older sister but we don’t have much in common since she’s a lot older than me. but um surfing! so you spend a lot of time at the beach, right? i haven’t been there in a long time.”

“if you still wish to continue after today’s date, we could go to the beach next time? i can teach you, it’s not that difficult.”

surprised, your eyes widened at his suggestion. he seemed to be confident that there would be a next time and you couldn’t even deny that possibility. so far, you were easing into the conversation more and more - the process was more natural than the whole setting suggested. though he still made you nervous, he had been nothing but respectful of your space and friendly. not to mention that you were attracted to him as well; if you hadn’t hired him, you could imagine actually getting close to him.

"i- i'd love that." as you told him more about yourself and listened to his stories, you didn’t notice how much time had passed until the waiter suddenly appeared in front of you, presenting you the dishes. your mouth was watering at the sight of the delicious dishes, you couldn’t wait to dig in. quickly thanking the waiter, you then took a bite from the dish after he left. you sighed in satisfaction, taking your time to properly taste the first bite.

“this is so good, you need to try it!” you gushed, pushing your plate closer to the middle of the table. choso chuckled, sharing his plate with you as well. as you took in all the side dishes, he'd already taken it upon himself to pick up a smaller piece with his chopsticks, nudging it towards you. you looked at him confused, then back at the small piece of food. was he trying to-? carefully, you leaned in and let him feed you, confusion and hesitation immediately melting at the taste. the food made you happy, but the unusual intimacy and closeness that he just showed you wasn't lost in between the myriad emotions.

as you had dinner, the previous conversation continued. choso was a few years older than you, has been working in this industry for two years now and preferred coffee over tea. he disliked early mornings and liked to sleep in until noon. his most precious and valued object was a polaroid camera, he wanted to have photos commemorating important occasions or moments that were special to him. all these little details made you feel like he was less of an escort that you'd hired but more of a friend. much to your surprise, the conversation ran smoothly and there were no awkward, silent gaps. you supposed it was only natural; you felt comfortable with him so it was easy to talk. had it been any other guy who didn't understand you or your intentions so well, you probably would've closed up.

"do you want to take a stroll around the estate? i heard the gardens are really beautiful," you asked choso, a hopeful glint in your eyes. dinner was finished long ago, silence filled with light conversation and teasing from choso’s side. you weren’t sure where to go from this or how to suggest being… more intimate. choso had suggested you would go slow - but how slow was too slow? and if you were to go with the flow, when would be the right time?

“i would love to,” choso’s reply pulled you out of your thoughts, focusing your attention back to him. lost in your thoughts, you nodded and called a waitress over to pay the bill. you felt choso’s gaze on you, making you queasy. what did he think of you? or this entire ordeal? you wondered. as he stood up and moved behind you, you nearly jumped out of your skin when he placed his hand on the small of your back, guiding you out of the restaurant. the touch was unfamiliar, heavy and scalding even through your clothes, but not unwelcome. a strange feeling welled up in your chest, crawling its way up your throat, constricting it in such a way that it distracted you from coherent thoughts.

seeming to notice your conflict, choso stepped to the side, offering you his hand. you glanced at it, hesitating. “boyfriend experience, remember?” he grinned at you, patiently waiting until you took his hand. his hand was much bigger, almost entirely engulfing yours as you intertwined your fingers. gently swinging your arms back and forth with the flow, choso lead the way through the paths of the garden. having looked forward to it, you suddenly found yourself too distracted by him. the flowers and trees were beautiful and so were the statues but he was the one that caught your attention.

“my hands aren’t sweaty, are they?” you asked after a moment of silence, stopping to face choso. he laughed and shook his head, flicking your forehead gently.

“stop worrying about things too much, you’ll be fine. you don’t see me complaining, do you?”

“i mean that’s true… but i can’t help it! there’s just a lot to uh, think about…” your voice trailed off, you let his hand go to cover your face in embarrassment. choso inched closer to you, grasping your hands to pry them off your face. remaining stubborn, you pulled them back in, a giggle breaking from your lips when he tried again, playfully pinching your cheeks.

“want me to take your mind off said things?” he asked with a low voice, inching in further until your back hit a tree trunk behind you. he was so close, too too close. weakly, you pushed at his chest, trying to get him to back off. the sudden closeness that threw you off - your heart was racing at a million miles an hour, the endless possibilities dancing around your head. “how so?” your voice came out quiet and breathless, as if you were anticipating anything, something… his touch perhaps?

“do you feel comfortable with me?” without hesitating, you nodded in agreement. choso didn’t question you any further, simply gave you a knowing smile before diving in and pressing his lips against yours. instinctively, you stiffened, hands clenching around the fabric of choso’s shirt. breath caught up in your throat, you struggled to ease into it. you pulled away from him, squeezing your eyes shut in shame.

“i’m sorry that-”

“don’t apologize,” choso comforted you quickly, clasping your hands in his and intertwining them. thumbs gently rubbing the back of your hands, he lifted one of them to press a kiss against your knuckles. you blinked perplexed; your heart fluttered at the gesture. “don’t overthink it, there’s no science to it, yeah? just follow the flow, whatever feels good. we’ll go from there.”

giving you a moment to collect yourself, he leaned back in, silently waiting for permission. again, your breath hitched but this time, it wasn’t the nervousness. it was his eyes that drew you in, demanding all of your attention. dark, with unknown depths, that glimmered with mischief. ever so slightly, you tilted your head up to meet his lips. his warm lips pressed against yours, slowly testing the waters and letting you set the pace before deepening the kiss. now less hesitant, you kissed him back with more fervour, losing yourself in the feeling. it felt awkward and strange now that you let him guide you, leaving more space for you to ponder about the feeling that it evoked inside of you. you were glad he was holding your hands, otherwise you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself. the kiss brought forth a pleasant, tingling feeling - the sort of feeling that pulled you in, lulling you in warmth.

when choso pulled away, you almost mewled in disappointment, chasing after him. he let out a breathy laugh, cupping your cheek. “how did that feel? was it okay?”

“y- yeah, i liked it. felt very strange at first but once i was able to ease into it, it was… more natural and felt really good,” you explained to him shyly, leaning into his hand. longingly, you gazed at him. would it be weird to ask for another kiss? you wanted explore the feelings more, the intimacy of it, wanted to feel more of him. as if sensing that you were craving more, choso leaned in again, stopping a few centimeters in front of your face. with a sudden surge of boldness, you closed the distance between you, leaning up to kiss him. choso's arm snaked around your waist, pressing you closer to his body. gradually your body felt hotter, a dull ache accompanying it, spreading across the expanse of your stomach.

before you could act on the urge, choso pulled away again, pressing an apologetic kiss to the corner of your lips. "sorry, i don't want to get too carried away and we're… uh in public," he laughed at your horrified expression upon realizing your mistake. "i take it that you're still comfortable with this? do let me know if it gets too overwhelming for you.”

“n- no, it’s fine! it was uh, an interesting insight. i just wasn’t expecting to really get into this, considering- considering i hired you for this and don’t really know you.”

choso hummed in agreement. “i guess there has to be at least a smidge of attraction for it to work, yeah?” you looked at him stunned, trying to decipher the look in his eyes. you couldn’t place it; couldn’t place the feeling of longing that was emerging in you. when he looked at you like that, it was difficult to remind yourself that he was just an escort that you hired for your personal problems. when he looked at you like that, it filled you with warmth, making you want to pretend that he really cared about you as if you were in a relationship.

“yeah… yeah, i guess so.”

nervously, you were twiddling with your phone, contemplating whether to text choso or not. after the last “date”, you felt confident enough in continuing your… relationship of sorts. he was great at guiding you, always making sure you were comfortable and moving at your pace. you did let him know that you would book another session, you just hadn’t set up a date or time yet. and casually texting him felt awkward. hey, how’s your day? oh by the way, i wanna book another session so we can make out haha? maybe calling was a better idea. there was no plan ahead, never did you think you would even get this far.

the dial tone made you nervous. you chewed on your bottom lip as you waited for him to pick up, bouncing your leg up and down. maybe he was busy? it was early in the afternoon after all, he was probably already out with other clients. “hello? y/n?” choso sounded groggy, his voice raspy and deep as if he’d just gotten up. it sent electric shocks right down your spine, raising goosebumps across your skin. never had you thought about a man’s morning voice before, but choso had you wondering, imagining. you spluttered: “oh hey uh are you busy? i’m not interrupting you with something, am i?”

“not at all, i just got up,” choso admitted with a quiet chuckle. “everything okay? are you calling in for another appointment?”

“ah, yeah! i thought that we worked quite well and there’s still a few more things i want to learn with you, if you’re up for it? if you’re comfortable with it too, of course!”

“mhmm, i wouldn’t mind,” choso pondered from the other side. sounds of rustling and a few clangs resounded before you could clearly hear his voice again. you were glad that he agreed to it, meaning that you weren’t entirely… hopeless in that department. for days, his words were ghosting around in your head, a constant reminder that he seemed to find you attractive as well. not that he showed it, staying professional despite the nature of your relationship. it was nice to imagine that someone would look at you like that, at your shy and timid self.

choso was meticulous about his work, working on every detail and concern until he was satisfied. even though he looked so easy going, from time to time he had to admit that he was a perfectionist and easily frustrated when something didn't go the way he expected. so when you rolled around, so innocently asking for help, it threw him off. the feelings of confusion grew when he first met you, unable to pinpoint the origin of this urge, possessive and demanding, reaching its tendrils out to you. the way you reached out to him for help, the fact that you wanted to continue, wanted him to teach you. it thrilled him to the core when it really should not. he had to remain professional. but he was curious, so curious. indulging a little wouldn't hurt, right?

to choso's surprise, the next venue you'd chosen was the own comfort of your home. you were barely acquaintances, more like strangers, and yet you felt confident to invite him here. at the phone you had told him that your friends thought you had weird ideas about dates due to only seeing glorified versions of them on tv shows and movies. it embarrassed you enough to take their advice, inviting choso over for a movie night as opposed to visiting another fancy venue with him. prior to the date, you went through movie suggestions and rented the ones that you thought were interesting and enjoyable for the two of you. despite your put together attire and look, your apartment did not reflect the sentiment. it was a little chaotic; books and paper stacking up in every free corner of the apartment, pens strewn across surfaces and here and there choso could spot memorabilia and photos.

you gave choso an apologetic look when you let him in. despite your best efforts to clean up, you were still not happy with the outcome. tidying wasn't your strong suit but you tried to make it as accommodating as possible. choso assured you that he didn't mind at all, telling you that it added to the charm of the apartment. it was unusual to have someone other than your friends or family in the apartment - your home was your sacred space that you rarely ever showed anyone else, let alone someone you had hired. choso took a seat on the couch, turning to look at you as you went to grab some glasses and drinks.

"i uh, told my friends about my plans and they just told me i have weird expectations of dates," you explained choso, placing the items you'd grabbed on the coffee table and rubbed the back of your neck sheepishly. "they said it would probably just be better to have a simple movie night since a lot of people do that. and it would… make things a lot easier i- if we go fu- further…" the implication was hanging in the air, you didn't dare to speak them out. choso gave you a knowing smile, patting the empty space beside him. gingerly, you sat next to him, squeaking in surprise when he snaked an arm around your waist and pulled you to his side. with wide eyes, you stared at him, still trying to wrap your head around the casual close proximity with the taller male.

wordlessly, you started a random movie, trying to focus on it. throughout the duration of it, choso would ask you questions about your day, how uni was going or whether you felt comfortable. you couldn't focus, not with him being so close. how you made it through the first movie you didn't know. you were hyper aware of choso's wandering hands, the ghost touches his fingers left, how he absentmindedly rubbed your legs that were resting on his lap. straining to keep your eyes on the screen, your neck already felt stiff from the tension.

"i can tell that you're distracted, you know?" choso hummed, hands squeezing your legs gently to catch your attention. pretending to not be affected by it, you shook your head. you didn't want to show him that you wanted to proceed, not yet.

"i'm trying to concentrate," you shushed him quietly, playfully pushing at his arm but still not looking over to him. silence. you assumed you'd convinced him that there was nothing wrong until you felt his hands innocently move a little higher, rubbing the top of your thighs. clenching your fists, you stayed put, unwavering in your resolve. choso's hands wandered, alternating between featherlight touches to using more pressure. he kept his eyes on you, gauging your reactions to him. you brought your hand up to cover half of your face. it was embarrassing, the way your breath came out laboured in response. without warning, arms were hooked under your knees, dragging you across the couch and seated you on his lap. you made a noise in protest, now finally paying attention to him. choso wasn’t sure why but it had bothered him that you were so adamant on keeping your attention on the movie as opposed to keeping your eyes on him.

choso wasn’t sure why but he craved your attention, wanted you to look at him only. his resolve crumbled when you looked at him with wide eyes, grasping the sleeves of his shirt to steady yourself. he couldn’t help but kiss you, swallowing your surprised mewl before you returned the kiss. pleased at your eagerness, he gradually deepened the kiss, licking at the seams of your lips. you gasp in surprise and parted your lips slightly, whimpering in anticipation. it felt unfamiliar and yet thrilling at the same time, fueling and flaring up the dull ache in the pit of your stomach. before choso could go any further, you pulled away and hid your face in the crook of his neck. “what’s wrong? did i go too far?” he questioned concerned, rubbing your back in soothing circles.

“no, no, not at all,” reassuring him quickly, you awkwardly turned in his lap, legs still thrown over it. “i uh just wanted to try to take initiative myself, figure things out without getting hints from you… if that’s okay?”

a sigh of relief left choso’s lips. silently, he gave you his approval and leaned back, watching as you shuffled clumsily. finally, you straddled his lap and placed your hands on his chest. in the dim light, you couldn’t make out his face expression - choso was glad that you couldn’t, otherwise you would have been able to see how much it was affecting him, how he was slowly losing his composure and control around you. but this was about you, he was there to help you explore this type of intimacy. releasing another shaky breath, you then leaned in and softly kissed him. you kept a languid tempo, slowly and surely cracking his restraint. trying to mirror what he’d done earlier, you pushed further, timidly licking into his mouth as he parted his lips.

seemingly not being able to hold back anymore, choso pushed against you with equally as much fervour, gripping your chin and tilting your head ever so slightly. his lips moved against yours, sucking your bottom lip, eliciting a whimper from you. again the ache in the pit of your stomach was flaring up, uncomfortable and yearning for relief; you moved against his lap, pressing your body against his when your crotch dragged against the bulge in his jeans. choso groaned, hands flying to grasp your hips and steady you.

dazed, you gave him a confused look. choso cleared his throat, lifting his hips ever so slightly so you could feel his arousal again. when the realization hit you, your face heated up - you were surprised to find out that he felt aroused… by you.

“oh.”

“yeah.” choso retorted dryly, hands rubbing at his face in embarrassment. “fuck, i’m so sorry. it wasn’t meant to get out of hand like this, i don’t know how far you planned ahead for today but i-”

“uhm if you don’t mind…” you hesitated. but curiosity simply got the better of you, you wanted to see him breathless and feel as hot and bothered as you did. “could i uhm. you know? give you a handjob? only if you don’t mind because i want to know how to please uhm, please people.”

choso swore under his breath. you had no idea how painfully hard you were making him. quietly encouraging you, he leaned in to kiss you again and guided your hands to his jeans. you fumbled with the button and zipper, hands trembling slightly. it took you a few tries until you were finally able to unzip his pants, a giggle left your lips at the thought of how clumsy you were. your hands gently rubbed at the tent in his boxers, breath hitching as choso’s hips jerked. gaining some courage, you slightly put on more pressure and watched fascinated when choso’s fingers digged into the fleshy skin of your hips in anticipation. slowly, you pulled the waistband of his boxers down until it revealed his cock. choso hissed at the cold air that was biting at his skin.

carefully, you wrapped your hand around the shaft, marvelling at how the skin felt on your hands. sensing your cluelessness, choso wrapped his larger hand around yours and guided you into a slow rhythm to get you used to the movement. sucking in a deep breath between his teeth, he praised you: “you’re doing good, y/n. fuck, you’re being such a good girl.”

your heart soared at the praise. eagerly, you leaned up to kiss him, still stroking him in slow movements. choso moaned against your lips, the deep sound spurring you on, eager to hear more of his reactions. when you finally felt more comfortable continuing on your own, choso pulled his hands away and instead settled them on the small of your back, sliding them down until they were resting on your bum. you wrapped your other hand around him as well and paid attention to his reactions, adjusting the pressure and pace accordingly. choso buried his face in the crook of your neck, whispering sweet praises in between his moans. eventually your name left his lips; it set your entire body in flames, desperate want clinging onto your bones.

“fuck, i’m close,” he groans against the skin of your neck, hips rutting up to meet your movements more frantically now. you weren’t entirely sure what to do, opting to simply match the pace. shudders wrecked through choso’s body as he came, warm cum painting your small hands and running down your fingers. he was panting, leaning back against the couch and watching you with hooded eyes. the sight in front of you stirred something inside of you - choso’s flushed face, the slight sheen of sweat on his skin, his kiss-bitten lips. with curiosity, you inspected the liquid on your hand. lazily, choso grasped your wrist, holding them away from you. “‘m sorry. do you have a tissue?”

you tilted your head, tugging on the sleeves of his sweater with your other hand. “uh i- i’ve heard from others… um. can i try?” you asked quietly. choso’s grip on your wrist weakened; he gave you an incredulous look, as if you few two heads. out of all things, he didn’t expect you to suggest that. fuck, he felt the blood rushing right back down to his cock. just the thought of you, doing that - it was enough to make him cum again. “go ahead, if you feel like it,” choso whispered in a low voice. dark urges overcame him again, begging him to give in, to make you bend to his will, to submit, to-

his thoughts came to a screeching halt when he saw you unashamedly pop a finger in your mouth, licking the come from it. there wasn’t any reaction from you really, you gave him a sheepish smile afterwards and gratefully took the tissue he offered you. he helped you wipe your hands, diving in for another kiss. “sorry, i think i just short circuited,” choso laughed embarrassedly, another kiss was pressed to your temple. “that was just… uh- fuck.”

“r- really?” you stammered, hiding your face in your hands. “it’s okay if it wasn’t that great for you, it was my first time after all, i-”

choso hushed you, going for another open mouthed kiss, eliciting a whimper from you. “yeah, really. fuck, the things i want to do to you,” he shook his head, not wanting to get sidetracked again. “but this is about you. we’ll only go as far as you’re comfortable. did you feel like you learned enough for today?”

“mh- hmm. thank you,” you leaned your head against his chest, closing your eyes as a sudden tiredness washed over you. choso’s fingers dancing across your skin were slowly lulling you into a comfortable slumber. “what is it that you want to do to me? will you show me one day?”

choso cursed, shivers running down his spine.

“if you want to, of course.”

-----------

now that you’d met choso a couple of times, it was pretty obvious that you took some liking to him. after that fateful day, nothing else had happened as you wanted to work on easing into relationship dynamics and feeling less insecure about things - choso had been nothing but sweet and mindful about it, even went out of his way to find suitable locations for your dates. somewhere along the way you had started to text more casually, the strictly business type texting long forgotten. gradually, the two of you opened up to each other, the lines between escort and client slowly blurring and intertwining.

choso had promised to pick you up after your shift at the animal shelter for your next date; for today he had suggested you come over to his place for a change. the thought that he was willing to let you in his home, let you have a glimpse into his personal life, it made you giddy with anticipation. despite getting closer to each other, he remained a mysterious person and you didn't want to pry. after all, you were merely his client. but what if you were more- patting your cheeks to put some sense back into you, you leaned down to pet the dogs. unbeknownst to you, choso had already entered the building and watched you with a soft smile as you gave each of the dogs their deserved belly rubs before you left.

you didn't take any notice of him until some of the dogs perked up and carefully trudged over to sniff at the stranger. turning around on your heels, your eyes widened as you took in choso's tall figure. you quickly apologized, telling him that you would be joining him right away to which he simply shook his head and reassured you that you were fine. your co-workers were eyeing choso curiously, one of them wiggling their eyebrows at you. in response, you waved it off, too embarrassed to set the record straight. choso looked so awfully much like a boyfriend in this moment - the way he was dressed in casual clothes that accentuated his physical features so well, the soft smile he gave you as he offered you his hand to take, the way he sounded genuinely interested and curious when he asked you about your day.

silently, you took his hand and followed him out of the building - you could feel your co-workers’ inquisitive gazes like laser beams on your back. while they were never particularly nosy about your personal life, it was unusual that someone would pick you up from work; much less someone that you seemed to be romantically interested in. surely, they would grill you the next time you would return to work. “they think you’re my boyfriend,” you explained to choso sheepishly, glancing down at your intertwined hands. choso squeezed your hand and nudged your side gently. “am i not?” he winked at you cheekily, making your face heat up. he had asked in such a serious voice that you’d briefly questioned yourself.

“n- no, not really,” you replied quietly, looking away from him. choso reached around you to open the car door for you. in the window reflection you could see his face expression; it was rather somber, almost as if your words had hurt him in a way. the emotion was gone from his face when you blinked. maybe you had just imagined it. getting close to him on that level was unattainable, no matter how you twisted it. it just wasn't right.

the car ride was mostly quiet, only the sound of choso's car playlist accompanying you. somewhere along the way he had reached out to intertwine your fingers, resting his hand on your thigh. holding hands was almost natural to you now, the way his hands automatically sought out yours whenever possible. in response, your heart was racing, filling with the all too familiar feeling of yearning. whether you were simply yearning for the intimacy and closeness of a relationship or for him, you weren't entirely sure. while choso had told you about himself for the sake of the fake dating, there were still unknown facettes. it was impossible for you to get to know all of him, not when he was selling a fantasy to you. and yet, you found yourself craving more of him, beyond what he was willing to show you.

choso parked his car in the garage, turning his body sideways so he could look at you. "you okay? you look like you were quite lost in thoughts," he hummed curiously, rubbing circles on the back of your hand. what could you possibly answer to that? hey i'm questioning our fake relationship and it's going beyond what i expected? abruptly, choso hoisted you across the seat onto his lap as if you'd weighed nothing. "a penny for your thoughts? or should i take your mind off things?"

"i- i think i would… rather not talk about it," you whispered quietly, gaze skirting away from his eyes. choso frowned, slightly irritated - he had a small inkling why he reacted this way but banned the thought to the back of his head. he understood that as a client, you wouldn't disclose details of your private life to him. but he found it difficult to circumvent your dropping mood when he couldn't tell what was going on.

"i understand," choso was about to open the door when you suddenly cupped his chin and dove in for a kiss. he was caught off guard - rarely did you ever initiate kisses, usually shyly asking beforehand. feeling bold, you pressed you pressed your hips down, grinding against his crotch. choso groaned, gripping your hips to guide you while thrusting his hips up to meet yours. he enjoyed how you shuddered at the newfound pleasure, the delicious friction making your toes curl. "does baby want me to take her mind off things?" he murmured with a raspy voice, peppering kisses across your jaw.

"please," you mewled needily, hands grabbing onto his shoulders, fingers digging into his skin. choso complied, sliding his hand up to tangle in your hair and gently pulled at it, tilting your head back. you were panting by the time he was moving down the column of your neck, nipping and sucking at your skin. lower and lower, until he reached the top of your breasts; with swift movements, he yanked your shirt and bra upso , pressing open mouthed kisses to them before wrapping his lips around your nipple. your voice cracked as you moaned his name, hands flying up to bury your hands in his hair. distracted by the ministrations, you didn’t notice choso’s free hand sliding down your front until you feel the coldness of his hands on your skin. you squirmed, giggling at the cool sensation - the giggle died abruptly when he dove lower, fingers rubbing your clothed pussy languidly.

“c- choso! we’re still in the g- garage, people can see!” you stuttered scandalized, tugging at the tips of his hair to grab his attention. choso simply hummed, carrying on as if you hadn’t just told him your concerns. rubbing circles on your clit, he watched with satisfaction how your legs were trembling, writhing in pleasure. just the sight of you - hickeys on your neck, slightly swollen lips, shirt pushed up to reveal your tits, his hands down your pants - it was so arousing and thrilling, he almost didn’t want to stop.

“the windows are tinted and no one’s around at this time… do you really want me to stop?” he murmured with a low voice, fingers pushing your panties to the side to gather the slick up on his fingers. “look at you, how much you’re craving it. the want is written all over your face, baby. do you want to stop now?”

before you know it, choso’s hand is suddenly hovering over your face, fingers glimmering with your arousal. you shot him a dazed look, confusion evident on your face. “open,” he instructed softly, slowly and carefully sliding his fingers in your mouth. almost instinctively, your hands gingerly grasped his wrist. your lips wrapped around them, tasting the liquid curiously. his breath hitched, blood shooting down his groin - fuck, you were going to kill him. tentatively, he thrusted his fingers, slow enough so he could gauge your reaction to it. you didn’t know what it was - the taste of yourself, the weight of his fingers on your tongue, the way he was looking at you with hooded eyes and a hungry expression on his face; it made you squirm, eagerly for more. choso immediately took notice of your sudden mood shift. barely noticeable, your hips were rocking back and forth as you sucked on his fingers, cleaning them of your slick.

with a pop, choso removed his fingers. you whimpered his name, gasping in relief when he slid them back down, moving your panties to the side. his thumb found your clit, rubbing the little nub gently in slow circles. as if he was in no hurry and unbothered by the prospect that someone could actually spot you, he continued his ministrations. your legs jerked, threatening to close when you felt his fingers prod at your entrance. excruciatingly slow, he sunk a finger into you. the feeling was unfamiliar, almost uncomfortable at first. seizing up, you clenched around the finger. “relax, ease into it,” choso whispered reassuringly, capturing your lips in a kiss. “it’ll feel good, i promise.”

choso inserted a second finger, letting you get used to the feeling of them. the kisses he was peppering on your chest were distracting you from the burning stretch, creating a confusing mix between pain and pleasure. “how are you feeling?”

“f- feels good, i- i-” you were struggling to form coherent sentences, too focused on how he was lapping at your nipples, sucking and kissing them gently. “y- you can continue…”

steadily, choso started to thrust his fingers into you - gradually, the burn was disappearing and replaced by a delicious stretch, pleasure that was spreading throughout your body and setting your nerves on fire. desperately clinging onto his shirt, you hid your face in the crook of his neck. choso placed a kiss on the crown of your head, whispering sweet praises and telling you what a good girl you were. it felt good, so good but something was missing, you needed something, maybe more. you started begging and despite blabbering nonsensical things, choso understood what you were asking of him. his fingers hit a peculiar spot inside of you when he curled them, making you jerk in surprise. “o- oh!” again and again, choso was hitting the spot, making you writhe on his lap.

something was building up in the pit of your stomach, like a tightened coil that was about to snap at any time. panicking slightly, you grabbed choso’s hand and tried to close your legs, wiggling away from him: “h- hey wait, i-” another moan broke from your lips when choso sealed your lips with his and wrapped his arm around your waist, locking you in place. “it’s okay, let go, baby. cum for me,” he whispered against your lips, sinking his fingers in you one last time. and then the coil snapped, the high crashing over you like a riptide, so blinding and intense that it took you a while to come down from it. your thighs were still trembling by the time you came back to your senses, ripples of pleasure still cursing through you.

you slump against choso's chest, exhausted from the intensity of your orgasm but feeling wonderfully blissed out. choso removed his hand from you, licking your arousal from his fingers before wiping them off on a paper towel. he brushed his fingers through your hair, pressing a kiss on your forehead. "how are you feeling? can you move?"

"my legs feel like jelly," your voice came out muffled, face still pressed into his chest. "'m feeling good though. that was… really nice."

"i'll carry you upstairs," choso declared matter-of-factly, hoisting you up so he could carry you. you slung your arms around his neck, pecking the side of his neck. his scent was faint but calming, lulling you into a sense of home and comfort. you wanted to stay close to him like this, just having him hold you in his arms. a myriad of emotions welled up in you, swallowing all your doubts until all that was left was the budding blossoms of your feelings for him, nurtured by his soft touches and adoring treatment. you wanted to cherish him, keep him close for as long as you could, as long as you could still have him.

"thank you."

"for what?" choso sounded surprised.

"taking care of me? i mean i pay you for it but i still wanted to let you know that i appreciate it."

“everything for you, baby,” choso replied softly, tightening his grip around you. as you got to his apartment, choso placed you on the couch and knelt down, hands wrapping around yours. “do you want to get changed? i’ll lend you some of my clothes, you can get changed in my room or in the bathroom if you want to freshen up.”

he was so so considerate, you couldn’t believe someone as nice as him existed out there. as you agreed, choso disappeared in his room; the sound of opening doors and drawers as well as rustling resounded from his room. you took the opportunity to observe his home. it was a small but cozy apartment, despite being sparsely decorated. in the back of the living room, you could spot some bags and boxes, presumably choso’s surfing equipment, as well as posters and photos cluttered on a pinboard. here and there, some little figurines and trinkets were spread across the apartment. although it was cozy, the apartment lacked some kind of presence, some warmth. you assumed that it had to do with choso’s job - he probably was rarely home between work and spending time with friends and family.

“here you go,” choso handed you a big sweatshirt and some shorts as he came back, patting your head teasingly. “go and get changed, i’ll start preparing dinner, yeah?”

you hid in the bathroom and got changed, neatly folding your clothes and stacking them on the counter. inspecting yourself in the mirror, you admired the size of choso’s sweater - it was a simple and cream coloured sweater that was entirely dwarfing and engulfing you. the sleeves were way too long and the hem almost reached your knees. but it was soft and comfy, coming close to choso’s hugs. you pulled the shorts up your legs, awkwardly securing them by tucking them underneath the sweater. choso had set up some boiling water and was silently chopping vegetables by the time you left the bathroom and tip toed towards the kitchen. “can i help you with anything?”

“no it’s okay, take a seat. do you want anything to drink? water? tea?” reluctantly, you sat at the small table on the side, pouting at him. choso simply laughed and shook his head, bringing a glass of water over. your heart jumped in surprise when he kissed your forehead as he placed the glass on the table. “i’ll take care of you for today. boyfriend duties, remember? the past times you’ve always taken us out on restaurants and incredible locations and now it’s my turn to show you the boyfriend magic.”

sudden dread filled your stomach. how could choso be so warm and kind-hearted to you, when you weren’t even in a relationship? you keep having to remind yourself that this was what he was doing for a living, that you might possibly never know the real him. that this might just be a mask that he kept on for the sake of your requests. you didn’t reply, deep in your thoughts as you stared at the glass of water. choso returned back to his previous task, cooking dinner in silence. your chest felt heavy with uncertainty and disappointment - you tried your best to push the emotions down. they were irrational, you knew full well what you were getting yourself into when you asked for his service.

thankfully, choso didn’t seem to have picked up on your sullen mood, even throughout dinner - you let no emotions shine through when you conversed with him, choosing to keep it lighthearted. you offered to wash the dishes, not wanting him to lift another finger when you could help him in return. as you scrubbed the bowls, choso creeped up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, placing his chin on your shoulder. “you wanna watch a movie? or go to bed already? you’ve had a long day at work after all.”

“hmm, yeah. i think i’d prefer going to bed, if that’s okay for you?”

“i could never say no to cuddles,” choso hummed, capturing your lips in another kiss. you whimpered against them, not being able to resist him. he moaned against your lips, grip on you tightening. “please don’t tempt me, it’s so hard to say no to you,” he warned you with a strained voice.

your face grew warm at the memories of a few hours ago. you couldn’t believe you let him do that, let him finger you in his car in the garage. no one had seen you and you were thankful for that but you wanted the ground to swallow you whole at the thought of someone possibly snitching on you. your father would lose his mind. “is- is it not what you want?”

“of course i do, but not today. baby steps, remember? we have all the time in the world. and i can assure you that i very much want you,” with one last peck on your lips, he removed himself from you and disappeared in his room. he wanted you. your heart was soaring at his confession. you were relieved to know that he was craving you as much as you were yearning for him. maybe you would indulge, just for a couple more times until you would inevitably have to cut off the relationship. you felt at peace with your decision, you told yourself. nothing good would come from false hope.

after washing up, you joined choso on the bed, shyly crawling towards him as he opened his arms and welcomed you. he pulled you into his chest, nearly crushing you with his weight. it made you giggle and squirm in his arms, trying to wiggle out of his hold. choso was having none of it, peppering kisses all over your face as he trapped you in place. gasping for air in between your carefree laughter, you weakly pushed at his head, squealing when he dove in to blow raspberries on your neck. he showed mercy and let up, instead curiously inspecting your neck as he pulled the neckline of your, no his, sweater down. something dark was glinting in his eyes as his eyes zoomed in on the hickeys he had left on your neck and chest - he felt strangely satisfied, pleased with his work of art. a sliver of possessiveness overcame him as he traced the trail of red marks on your neck, humming quietly.

“something wrong with my neck?” you questioned confused, not having spotted the hickeys yet. choso shook his head, simply laid back on his side again to look at you. “not at all. was just inspecting the hickeys i left on you.”

“you left marks?” you gaped at him, mildly shocked at the revelation. though he was preoccupied with your neck earlier, you didn’t expect him to actually leave so many marks, much less ones that were visible. “is… is that a common occurrence?”

“for couples? i think so. but i can’t speak for everyone; if it was me, i would do it frequently. stake my claim on you, let everyone know that you’re mine,” choso replied and casually draped the blanket over the two of you, as if he didn’t just admit to doing something he would normally do with a lover. did he think of you as his? you struggled to decipher his actions, not being able to match it with a specific reason.

“that’s uh-” your stuttering was interrupted by another horrifying thought. “oh god, i can’t let my parents see this, they will kill me.”

choso shot you a confused look. you hadn’t told him about your parents yet or how you were hiding this from them.

“my parents… especially my dad, are very cautious about letting me venture out in romantic relationships. it’s mostly because he didn’t feel like anyone was good enough for me and because he didn’t want me to get hurt. sometimes i felt like those princesses locked up in a tower, you know? so i decided to explore and uh, hired you. i didn’t want to burden my friends with having to help me gain some experience,” you explained to choso, eyes widening when he suddenly grabbed your hand and pressed a kiss to it. he winked at you cheekily before leaning over you to turn off the lights. you felt him press a gentle kiss to your lips but you couldn’t make out his face expression in the dark. choso preferred it like this, so you couldn’t tell the vulnerable look on his face, the ache of knowing that he could never fully be yours.

“then i’m glad i get to serve a princess such as you.”

----------

“you’ve been spending an awful lot of time with choso,” nobara commented as she took a sip from her coffee, reaching out to grab one of the muffins you had ordered. you looked away in embarrassment. it’s been nearly two months since you’ve started to meet up with choso. your dates became more frequent, even the casual texting continued. and yet you hadn’t really told your friends about your progress or how you felt about him, either brushing it off or giving them vague details. it was only natural that nobara and maki grew suspicious, vowing to grill you about it the next time you would meet up. “have you done the deed?”

“n- no! not yet,” you answered hastily, the topic still making you feel bashful. though you had talked to choso about it; he had agreed and hinted that you might go all the way the next time you would meet up. it was weird, scheduling something like this. but you felt more at ease knowing that it was approaching and you could somewhat prepare your nerves for it. “we talked about it though… next time, maybe?”

“i see,” maki nodded slowly, deep in thought. “you’ve been skirting around this escort thing a lot. is there something you’re hiding from us?”

“nope! not at all!”

“y/n… we’re looking out for you as friends. i know you told us that you trust choso and that he���s the nicest person you have ever but is there something more?” maki gave you a gentle nudge. the serious look in her eyes told you that you better not give her a lame excuse. even nobara, who was usually playful in nature, looked mildly concerned. as much concern as she could muster up anyways. sheepishly, you stared at your mug, watching the milk swirl with your hot chocolate. surely, they would tell you to stop seeing him, to stay away. because catching feelings for someone whose true feelings and self you could never uncover… should have been something you could have prevented. if only it hadn’t been so easy to give in, so easy to develop feelings for choso.

“uhm. i just realized that i like him, like a lot. i know i shouldn’t and should have circumvented the issue somehow but now i’m stuck with my feelings. and it’s just confusing. before you get mad at me, i’ve already decided to cut it off after our next date. i can’t dwell on it for too long because realistically, nothing is going to happen.”

wordlessly, nobara gave you a hug, patting your back to soothe you. “is he really that great though?” maki lightly swatted nobara’s arm and gave her an eyeroll. her comment made you laugh, she knew how to lighten up a situation.

“i think so. very gentleman-like and just takes good care of everything. i really appreciate how well he’s been taking care of me this entire time. he just is the perfect boyfriend, you know?” nobara nodded but you could tell from her face that she was trying to put the puzzle pieces together. it made you laugh again, pinching her cheek playfully. you didn’t want to worry your friends too much. they always helped you in every situation and now it was time you would take care of everything yourself.

“i can’t believe this entire time we were trying to find you a perfect partner and you’ve gone and went the whole nine yards, boyfriend experience and heartbreak all together,” maki joked and ruffled your hair, giving you a reassuring smile. “you know we’re there for you if you need emotional support in this, right? we might not be much of a help while you go through the fake breakup but we can help you take your mind off afterwards.”

you sniffled a little at the thought. your next date was fast approaching and you were grateful to have such great friends, who would always look out for you and be understanding even if you made dumb mistakes. your next step would be to learn how to mend a broken heart.

everything had to be perfect. the entire evening you had been on the move, busy cleaning your apartment and room and spending time in the bathroom making yourself look presentable. you still felt nervous exposing all of you to choso, never had anyone seen you naked before. the thought of it had made you so anxious that you’d called nobara who promptly suggested you wear cute underwear and something comfy to ease yourself into it. chances were that choso didn’t really care and wouldn’t judge you anyways; he had always been generous with compliments, always telling you how pretty you looked, how cute you were, and what a good girl you were for him. you didn’t think you could feel so fired up from praises nor did you think that you would be craving to hear them so much until choso came along. the feeling of euphoria that overtook you whenever he praised you, along with the pleasure he gave you whenever you were fooling around - it was a deadly combination.

knocks at the door made you perk up, hastily racing over to the door to let choso in. he chuckled when you immediately wrapped your arms around his waist and buried your face in his chest. “hey baby, missed me much, huh? i missed you too,” choso admitted, softly combing his fingers through your hair. you peeked up at him from below, closing your eyes as you leaned into his touch like a cat. “mhmm, missed you a lot,” you mumbled, humming in content as choso pecked your lips briefly before waddling inside the apartment with you in his arms, closing the door behind him

“what am i going to do with you?” he mumbled amused and sat down on the couch, pulling you onto his lap. he squished your cheeks between his hands, kissing your pouty lips with a broad smile. “you always make it so hard for me to leave.”

your heart sunk at his last words, remembering how you were planning to proceed by the end of this date. surely, it couldn’t be so hard and he wouldn’t think much of it since it was all business anyways. and yet, you couldn’t help but seize up with dread, not wanting to hurt him. if, and only if he would actually be affected by it. you placed your hands on his, sticking your tongue out at him. you teased him: “you leave but you always return, right? doesn’t that give you something to look forward to?”

“yeah, always come bouncing back…” choso trailed off, a faraway look on his face. you couldn’t tell what he was thinking - each emotion that surfaced was only fleeting and quickly wiped from his face expression as if it never existed in the first place. perhaps he was keeping his heart as guarded as yours, for baring the most vulnerable parts of yourself could be your downfall. he ran his hands along your thighs, rubbing the bare skin gently, fingers teasingly slipping under the hem of your shorts. your breath hitched in your throat, expecting him to move his hands up further. but by now, choso knew how to play you like a fiddle, what drew beautiful moans out of you, what made you whimper in anticipation and how to build up tension. he knew how to tease you and use it to his advantage; knew well that you would follow his instructions like the good girl that you were, never disappointing him. “gotta take care of my princess, hm?”

choso dipped down, brushing the strands of your hair out of the way, showering it in kisses. you mewled quietly, tilting your head to the side to allow him more access to your neck. he was still murmuring between kisses, telling you how sweet you were, how he was going to make you sing his name, how he was going to take care of you. the whispered praises were getting to your head, you easily melted into his touch. “c- choso,” you gasped, already drowning in him as his presence clouded your senses, wrapping around you as if nothing else but him existed. “please touch me.”

“your wish is my command,” choso lifted you up as if you weighed nothing, carrying you to your bedroom with ease. gently, he dropped you on the bed, simply hovering over you without saying a word. the look in his eyes knocked the air out of your lungs; you loved his eyes, his dark brown eyes that were filled with so much warmth and love, now darkened and filled with lust. he observed you, waiting for you to make a move - you stayed still, tense with anticipation. with every single intimate encounter you had with him, you gradually learned that choso enjoyed being in control, overjoyed when you were obedient and remembered what he had told you. he liked having you at his mercy, being the first and only one to discover the expanse of your body, to pleasure you in ways you were yet to familiarize yourself with.

choso’s tapped your lips, carefully sliding two fingers in when you willingly parted your lips and sucked on them. the weight of his fingers on your tongue, the dazed look on his eyes as he watched you - it was all so erotic, so arousing. you lifted your hips, grinding against his thighs for some kind of relief. it drew a slightly irritated click of the tongue from choso, gently pressing his fingers against your tongue. but he enjoyed the view, seeing how you wanted him so much, how you were seeking relief by humping his thigh. you could already feel yourself soaking through your panties and your thin shorts, arousal smearing across choso’s thigh and leaving a wet spot on his jeans.

pulling his fingers out of your mouth, he slid them down, lower and lower, smearing your spit across your skin. his fingers stopped right at the buttons of your blouse, playfully rolling them between his fingers. slowly, he unbuttoned the blouse, pushing the fabric off your shoulders to reveal your bra. you squirmed, suddenly feeling shy and embarrassed about being so exposed in front of him. “you’re beautiful,” choso reminded you. “don’t hide from me. i want to see all of you.”

reluctantly, you kept your arms at your sides, instead clenching your fingers around the fabric of your comforter. teasingly, his hands dragged across the tops of your breasts before dipping lower. “look at you, how soaked you are already. you’ve even left a spot on my jeans. i haven’t even touched you properly yet… has my princess missed me this much?” he mused, gently rubbing circles across your skin. he was careful not to move anywhere close to your crotch, resolutely keeping his hand near your navel.

“yes, please touch me,” you mewled, grasping his hand to guide him towards the hem of your shorts. his hand splayed across your mound, rubbing in deliberately slow movements, making you sigh in relief. choso tugged on your shorts, dragging them down your legs with ease. you clenched your eyes shut, hiding your face behind your hands. choso stayed silent for a few seconds and simply admired you in the dim light of your room. he could tell that you'd chosen a nice set of underwear to impress him - you looked so cute in it, like a present waiting to be unwrapped. he took notice of the dark patch on the crotch of your panties, how they were clinging onto your skin and how your arousal was glistening on your inner thighs.

"you look breathtaking," choso complimented you, gently removing your hands from your face. "i told you not to hide, didn't i? give me all of you, baby."

you blinked a few times, sheepishly thanking him. his praises overwhelmed you, making your chest swell with pride. but still, you didn't know how to react when he was singing your praises, too bashful to reply coherently. choso removed your panties in painstakingly slow movements, leaving trails of kisses on your inner thighs up to your ankle. throwing your panties to the floor, he then pulled your legs over his shoulders. you watched him bewildered, not sure what to make of it. the position made you feel oddly exposed; all of your senses were heightened, strained to focus on choso only. the oversensitivity caused your hips to jerk when choso’s breath hit your pussy, keen on receiving attention. the swipe of his tongue on your slit was something you didn’t expect - the sensation was new, uncharted territory, so different from his fingers. it drew a whimper from your lips, making your toes curl against his back.

languidly, he was lapping at your folds, taking his time to get you used to the feeling. it wasn’t until his tongue dragged across your clit, lips wrapping around it to suck gently, that whines and whimpers spilled forth from your lips. your hips automatically lurched forward, rocking against his face. you couldn’t wrap your head around the pleasure it provided you, how it rendered you into a babbling mess with only his name on your lips like some mantra. needing to busy your hands otherwise, you clenched your fingers around his hair, subconsciously pressing his face into your pussy. choso groaned against you, the slight burn turning him on beyond relief. you felt like you’re floating, higher and higher, rapidly approaching your high and it was still a feeling you’re trying to get used to, a feeling that you readily welcomed and craved.

it was a combination of all the touches that bring you closer to the edge; how he was sucking at your clit before flattening his tongue against your clit, paying close attention to it, how it was repeatedly and rapidly dragging across your folds. it made you sob, begging him to make you cum. choso pulled you even closer, fingers digging into your thighs as he lapped at your swollen clit, again and again until you come with a loud moan, barch arching from the bed, heels digging into choso’s shoulder blades. clenching your eyes shut, you attempted to push his face away from you, now feeling too sensitive. your legs were trembling uncontrollably, you gasped for air as your high washes over you and slowly ebbing away. choso sat up on his knees and only then you see the arousal smeared across his chin and lips. the sight sent electric shocks up your spine, breath hitching in your throat. he looked so fucking hot like this. he gave you no time to be embarrassed about it, wiping the slick off his skin and licking it off his hands.

“c- choso, what-” you croaked, voice all raspy from your relentless moaning. choso didn’t reply, instead kissed you open mouthed - the taste of your arousal was still present on his tongue. in the back of your mind, you thought about how dirty it was and yet so thrilling, eliciting a hunger for him. desperately, you were tugging at his shirt, trying to get it off. you were struggling, huffing in frustration as he didn’t budge. choso laughed, pecking your lips apologetically before taking it off along with his pants. even in the dim light you could make out the bulge in his pants, a testament of much he wanted you. the sight made you salivate, your pussy clenching around nothing. he took notice of your dazed look, grabbing your chin to tilt it up. “are you sure you want this? do you want me?”

you nodded quickly, eyes widening at his question. “of course, i want you, never wanted anything more. please, choso.”

“you have me, all of me,” he retorted, a tender look in his eyes. again, your heart clenched. just one more time you would get to see him like this, pretend he really was your lover. but when he looked at you with so much adoration in his eyes, it was hard to believe that there wasn’t a spark between you. unbeknownst to you, choso had always looked at you with stars in his eyes, hoping that you would return the sentiment. no matter how hard he was keeping his feelings at bay, the cracks were widening, allowing more and more feelings to seep through. with each touch, each word that you exchanged, the dam was weakening and threatening to spill everything that he was keeping inside.

choso gently pressed you back down onto the mattress, fingers fumbling with the condom that he’d pulled out of his jeans. you watched with fascination as he put it on, not being able to take your gaze of it. he grinned, deciding to indulge you, pressing his cock against you. arousal was still leaking from you, allowing him to easily slide against you. deliberately, he nudged the head against your clit until you couldn’t take it anymore. you wiggled your hips, signaling him to do something, do put you out of your misery. choso glanced at you for permission, suddenly seeming to be nervous himself. you gave him a small nod, leaning up to cradle his cheeks and kiss him. choso began to push, slowly slipping past your folds and- the stretching burn, it was there again and made you tense up.

choso grasped your hands, intertwining them and showered your face with kisses, whispering sweet nothings and encouragement. the feeling was familiar and yet strange at the same time, the girth of his fingers were nothing compared to his cock. it was a tight fit; you were aware of him, so aware of him. muffled, you heard choso telling you to relax, that he didn’t want to hurt you, to take your time. he was still pushing, distracting you from the uncomfortable pain with kisses. with one last thrust, he’s pushed the entirety of him in you. faintly, you could feel pain gradually ebbing away. the fullness of him, the throbbing; you clenched around him, a quiet moan leaving your lips as choso’s hips jerk in response.

“you okay? can i move now?” he whispered against your lips. you nodded, feeling choso smile against your lips. your breath hitched in anticipation as he pulls out ever so slightly before thrusting back in. you let out a whimper at the sudden thrum of incoming pleasure, hands squeezing his. choso thrusted his length in and out of you slowly, still wanting you to get used to it. the drag of it against your walls, the way his cock ever so slightly bumped against that spot inside of you that made your body sing - you sobbed out his name, hips tilting up to meet his movements. choso had no qualms obliging to your unspoken wants, upping the pace once he’s made sure you felt comfortable.

slowly, his inhibitions fell apart upon seeing you desperately cling onto him, moaning out his name as he pulled out and drove back in, deeper than before. you saw stars when he hit the spot inside of you, burying himself inside of you completely. it’s been a short amount of time but choso was quick to figure out what made you shake in pleasure in particular, memorizing every little nudge and wiggle that would have you gasp out his name. the closeness, the intimacy, it easily beat everything else that you’ve ever done before but it was now that you realized that no one could compare to choso. while your initial goal was to simply learn and gain some experience, somewhere along the way, you veered off the path. perhaps your goal was never to find out what it was like engaging in sexual activities but rather to experience it with someone you loved. it was then that you realized you didn’t care about these things unless you could experience them with choso.

while choso was no stranger to having people in his bed, the sight of you was one he would never be able to get out of his head again. how your moans and whimpers were getting more frequent with each thrust, how you were sobbing his name whenever he hit particularly deep inside of you, how your small hands were holding onto his, how you clenched around him whenever he praised you. he wanted to keep you for himself, to impale himself in you in such ways that you could never look at other people the same way anymore. “i- i’m close,” you hiccuped between sobs, back lurching from the bed. “choso, p- please, i wanna cum, i-”

“i’ve got you, princess,” he assured you, diving down to kiss you feverishly. relentlessly, his hips pistoned against yours, desperate to make you cum. choso couldn’t hold back any longer, he was close, so close. wanting to cum with you, he reached down to rub your clit. your reaction was almost instantaneous, legs pressing against his side as you came, his name on your lips like a prayer. he came with you, burying his face in the crook of your neck as groans left his lips, mixed with your name and curses. his hips stuttered as they pressed against you one last time, staying in place until he’s spilled all of him in the condom. you felt like you were floating, still dazed from the intensity of your orgasm. absentmindedly, you wrapped your arms around his neck, hand absentmindedly playing with the hair at his nape. choso let out a noise, akin to a cat’s purr, nudging his head against your hand. his gesture made you giggle and you strained your neck to press a kiss against his forehead.

slowly, choso removed himself from you, letting out a breathy laugh as you protested. you made grabby hands at him but he simply tutted, disappearing in the bathroom to dispose of the condom and came back with a wet towel. it felt comforting, the warmth of the towel as well as his gentle touches, lulling you into a sleepy state. it didn’t take long for him to join you again once he was done, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into his chest like the countless times he’s done so before. “how are you feeling? i didn’t hurt you, did i?”

you shook your head, trying to find the right words. in the end, nothing came into your mind to appropriately tell him how mind blowingly good he made you feel so you just settle with: “felt good, really good. didn’t hurt, jus’ felt uncomfortable at first. but you made it okay, it’s okay when it’s with you.”

“i see,” choso let out a relieved breath, laughing as you blinked at him stunned. you looked adorable, still floating and coming down from your high. “i’m glad i was your first, glad i could do it justice. just wanted you to feel good.”

“mhmm, thank you,” you slurred sleepily, arms wrapping around his waist. you felt so warm and loved, not wanting to let go of the feeling just yet. “can we do it again some other day? you promised to show me what you still wanted to do to me.”

“y/n, sweetheart, when will you be coming to visit us again? i know it’s your summer break right now and you’re busy but we thought it might be nice to go on a short family trip. what do you think?” your mother pleaded over the phone. you could see her pout on the screen, her attempt at guilt tripping you into visiting more. truthfully, you felt bad about not having been able to see your family so much - the amount of assignments and final exams was swamping you and you just wanted to get through them before going on vacation. that and the fact that you couldn’t properly look them in the eyes anymore ever since being with choso.

you just couldn’t let go of him, nor could you admit your feelings to him, in fear it would make him uncomfortable. it was irrational, reckless even, to keep paying for a service you technically didn’t need anymore. simply to keep a person you had feelings for around for longer. nobara and maki didn’t know about this either, you knew they would have your head as soon as you confessed. it was irrational and you knew it. and yet it was so hard to let go. with every waking moment, you craved choso, his tenderness and loving gaze, the warmth of his arms, the domesticity that the two of you shared, how natural it seemed when you spent time together. and so you kept returning to him, over and over again

“i’m sorry, mum, i’m just really busy right now. but i promise i’ll let you know when i’m free, okay? i’m sure we can find a fitting date for the trip,” you attempted to soothe your mother, giving her an apologetic smile. she rolled her eyes at you playfully but shrugged it off, knowing that you didn’t mean anything by it. before you could tell her goodbye, your mother suddenly stopped you, waving at the screen.

“sweetheart, one of my friends- her son, i told him about you. he’s a very nice young man and i think you would get along well. when you come visit us, i’ll introduce him to you, yeah?” she explained, a giddy smile creeping onto her lips. “i’ve told him a little about you and your father doesn’t mind either. he has a good background too, i’m trying not to swoon.” she giggled as if she was the one who was to be set up on a date with him.

your eyes widened ever so slightly at her revelation but what shocked you more was that choso had seemingly heard what your mother had said. he was still sleeping when your mother had called you, so you hid in the kitchen to talk, not wanting to disturb his sleep. he stood in the doorway, blinking at you confused. you made sure to turn a little so your mother couldn’t see him. “mum, i told you i’m not really interested yet and want to go at my own pace-”

“honey, i know but the opportunity was just there. i couldn’t pass it up and you can still reject him, no? just try to meet him at least once.”

you sighed. “we’ll talk about it again when i’m home, okay? but don’t put too much hope in it, please.”

“i know, i know. i’ll talk to you again another day. love you, sweetheart,” your mum said goodbye to you and hung up. you groaned, tossing your phone to the side and buried your face in your hands. choso was not supposed to hear any of that. even though you two weren’t really in a relationship, and he had assured you that he wasn’t sleeping with anyone else, keeping his work at accompanying clients only, you still felt like you were somewhat betraying him. you felt choso’s presence moving behind you, then his arms wrapping around you, his chin being placed on your head. you couldn’t see the slightly irritated look in his eyes, the jealous glint that told you he didn’t want you to look at anyone but him.

“your mum seems to be eager to find you a partner,” he commented amused. you groaned, swatting at his arm.

“i don’t know why they’re suddenly so persistent after not deeming anyone as suitable for years,” grumbling, you turned slightly, pressing a kiss to choso’s chin. “i’m not really in the mood to go on dates just yet, so she’ll have to deal with it.”

“not in the mood for dates?” choso echoed, pinching your cheek. “not even with me?”

you whined, burying your face in his chest. you didn’t want to let him see how his words excited you. “no, i’m always in the mood for you, for dates with you.”

“that’s good to know. we’re going out later after all,” choso laughed, combing his fingers through your hair. “i did promise to take you to the beach and teach you how to surf.”

one of the reasons you didn’t come visit your parents immediately when your summer break began was because you’d already planned a short trip with choso. weeks ago choso had proposed you’d go to the beach together and you were thrilled by the idea, not having been by the sea in years. you’d rented a little cabin by the beach for the two of you while choso had prepared everything for the car ride. the car ride would be rather long but you weren’t worried about it at all - in the beginning, you’d been apprehensive, rather awkward with him. he eased you into everything, showing you not to be scared of relationships and to just be yourself. conversation was easy with him as if you’d been long term friends, with no worries or restrictions. for weeks, you’d looked forward to the trip, to spend more time with him.

the car ride was filled with laughter and calming music, you shared stories and secrets with each other, you fed him the snacks that you’d made the night before. you felt blissful, happily ignoring all the consequences that might be coming your way - you wanted to enjoy your time with him as much as you could. the dance that the two of you were engaging in, it was romantic and felt so domestic, while skirting around the important issue. inspecting your intertwined hands, you clasped your other free hand around his, rubbing the skin gently. choso shot you a concerned, questioning look but you brushed him off, assuring that nothing was wrong. “i’m just happy to be sharing this uh… boyfriend experience with you, really. i wouldn’t wanna do it with someone else.”

choso shot you a wistful smile, lifting your hand to press a kiss on it. “i’m glad you feel that way. you deserve only the best, someone who treats you like the princess that you are.”

the feeling of the grainy sand below you, wind blowing your hair in every direction, sun on your skin, water splashing against your shins - you felt like suddenly all your worries were washed away. you were still running through the shallow water, giggling as you saw choso catching up on you. upping your speed, you jumped through the water until he managed to grab you by your wrist, pulling you into his chest. he lifted you up, twirling you around in his arms a few times before setting you back on your feet, leaning in to kiss you. “you can’t just run away like that, all our stuff is still stranded over there,” he scolded you, playfully flicking your forehead. you glanced behind you, seeing how choso had already placed all the towels, cooler and bags on the beach chairs.

“it’s okay, we have the beach to ourselves anyways,” you retorted cheekily. choso couldn’t argue, instead rolled his eyes. the beach house that you had rented for the weekend was on the outskirts of the city, a rather quiet spot that also had a private beach. the paranoia that your parents might possibly spot you somewhere was running deep and so you didn’t want to risk anything. choso could teach you how to surf in peace, without any bystanders or crowded spaces. but now that you were sitting on the beach chair, you noticed that choso’s mind seemed to be elsewhere as he clumsily fumbled with the bags. you gnawed at your bottom lip, hoping that your earlier conversation with your mother wasn’t on his mind.

“you okay there? can i help you with anything?”

“huh? yeah,” choso answered after a second of processing, shaking his head. “uh i just get distracted looking at you. you look good in that bikini.”

“oh shut up,” you retorted but hid your face from him, still growing bashful even though you were used to him complimenting you out of nowhere. he shot you a wink, resuming his work. “but… choso, you can talk to me if anything bothers you, you know that?”

“yeah, i know… but don’t worry, i think this is something i have to figure out for myself first before i tell anyone,” he padded over, kissing your forehead. “but i appreciate it.”

deciding to drop the topic, you joined him, watching how he demonstrated his surfing skills. if he didn’t want to talk about it, you would respect it; and maybe, just maybe, he would open up to you about it. you watched as choso surfed through the waves, the sight filling you with bright happiness. he looked so happy to be surfing again, the usual tired look on his face wiped away as if it had never been there in the first place. he looked like he was truly at home, comforted and surrounded by the crashing waves. you understood what he meant by being distracted - choso looked good in his trunks as well, the water drops that were rolling down his body, his exposed upper body, the way his loose, slightly damp hair was falling over his face. you very much enjoyed the sight and almost felt creepy for staring so much.

as per usual, choso was a wonderful teacher, remaining calm and patient while he gave you instructions, comforting you when you weren’t doing so well and was always right by your side encouraging you. you hadn’t had this much fun in a while, especially not with someone other than from your close friend circle. it was easy to lose the track of time when being with him, all your thoughts and anxieties washed away like the seashells at the shore. by the end of the day, you were utterly exhausted, your muscles feeling like jelly. as you laid on the bed, you still felt like you were rocked and swayed back and forth by the waves. it was relaxing, almost lulling you into a deep slumber if it wasn’t for the sound of the running shower and choso’s humming. you opened the window, before returning to bed, wrapping the blanket around you. the sound of waves sloshing against the shore echoed through the room, making you feel like you were actually sleeping at the beach.

it didn’t take long for choso to return; you felt the bed dip beside you before you heard him. pretending to be asleep, you waited until he said anything but were instead greeted with a kiss on your nape. you squirmed a little, the feelings of his lips tickling the sensitive skin. a giggle broke from your lips, unable to stay silent any longer. “did i make you wait for too long?” he asked quietly, grabbing you by the hips to turn you around to face him. you shook your head and gave him a smile, leaning in to peck his lips. “no but i did miss you. did i tell you that i now get what you meant by being distracted? you looked really hot in your trunks and so serious while giving me instructions.”

“ah, really?” choso hovered over you, placing his hands beside your head. you’d only offered simple compliments but he was already so fired up, making you grin. “you can’t just tell me that and expect me not to do anything. don’t you know that i’m always hungry for you? i’ll ravish you right here.”

“what if i want you to ravish me?” you bravely retorted, your voice slightly cracking at the end. rarely were you ever bold with him but at this moment, you might as well indulge him. as an reward for teaching you how to surf and being so patient about it. choso clicked with his tongue, pleased with your reply. before he could move, you suddenly felt an urge to go further, wanting to be the one to initiate intercourse for once. you placed your hands on his chest, pushing gently. he looked at you confused, cocking his head to the side. if it wasn’t for the hungry look in his eyes, you would’ve cooed at how adorable he looked. “uhm can i… suck you off for today? i mean you’re always the one who- who makes me feel so good and i know you said you liked it but i just wanted to return the favour…”

choso short circuited at your request, momentarily leaving his mouth wide open as he stared at you. “y- yeah of course, if that’s what you want,” he spluttered hastily, sitting up on his knees. feeling giddy, you shuffled off the bed, positioning yourself at the edge of the bed and waiting for him to move. choso gulped, slowly moving towards the edge. he leaned down to kiss you, your hands snaked towards the waistband of his sweatpants, some doubt overcame you again, slowing your movements. sensing your hesitation, he patted your head and ruffled your hair. “you don’t have to do it, if you feel too nervous about it.”

“no, i want to, really,” you assured him, grasping the waistband and dragging it down. choso lifted his hips slightly, helping you remove his pants. his boxers followed soon after. gently, you wrapped your hands around his semi-hard cock, giving it some gentle strokes. choso exhaled shakily, leaning back on his hands as he kept his watchful eyes on you. you leaned in, flattening your tongue against the underside, running your tongue over the underside, tracing it until you reached the cockhead. gingerly, you gave it a few kitten licks before wrapping your lips around it. hands still stroking him, you delved in, taking as much as much as you could. choso tilted his head back, moaning loudly. it spurred you on, eagerly you bopped your head against him, paying close attention to the sensitive head as you licked and sucked at it. curiously, you licked the slit, tasting the precum on it. the taste was unfamiliar, nothing like you’d ever had before but you weren’t sure what to make of it. but you weren’t grossed out by it, thankfully.

choso’s hips jerked when you touched a particularly sensitive spot, not being able to control his own body anymore. usually, he was more composed, holding himself back for the sake of you - immediately, he stopped and apologized, staring at you with wide eyes. “fuck, i’m so sorry, that wasn’t meant to happen. did i hurt you?” he cupped your cheek, guiltily examining you.

“‘m okay, don’t worry about it. it just surprised me a little, that’s all. but if it’s what you like… i uh, don’t mind,” you reassured him.

“f- fuck, you can’t just say that because i will and-”

“like i said, i don’t mind. i want to make you feel good too.” reluctantly, choso nodded and relaxed again, letting you proceed. you were eager to make him cum, enthusiastically moving your head along the shaft. you welcomed choso’s shallow thrusts, glancing up to watch his reactions. his skin was beautifully flushed, eyes were closed, groans muffled as he bit his bottom lip. you struggled to take his cock in deeper, instead wrapping your hands around the parts you couldn’t reach. when choso’s thrusts got sloppier, you could tell that he was getting close.

“y/n, fuck- i’m gonna- wait, you-” unable to finish his sentence, he moaned, hips stuttering again as you swirled your tongue around the sensitive tip. you suckled on his length eagerly, hands pumping the base faster and choso couldn’t keep it in any longer, coming with a loud moan. you continued suckling on the tip, helping him through his orgasm until he’s spilled all of him in your mouth. sitting back on your knees, you removed yourself from him.

eyes wide and glossy, you looked up at him as he pulled away slightly so he could look at you. choso brushed your hair back, then lifted your chin up, tapping your bottom lip. "show me," he said in a low, hoarse voice, patiently waiting until you opened your mouth and showed him. showed him his cum that was still pooling on your tongue. a few seconds passed until he finally reacted - just the sight of you on your knees, obediently following his orders and showing him your work had his insides stirring with something dark, possessive. "swallow," he whispered, adoringly cupping your cheek as you eagerly swallowed. your face felt hot, whether by embarrassment or pride, you didn't know. quietly cursing, he pulled you up while leaning down, meeting your lips halfway.

unceremoniously, choso dropped you on the bed, making you giggle quietly as you bounced on the mattress. hovering over you, he captured your lips in yet another kiss. you wrapped your arms around his neck, hugging him to your body. choso pressed his groin against yours, experimentally rolling his hips to elicit a reaction from you. burying your face into the crook of his neck, you couldn’t help but writhe from the pleasure - and even though you’ve been sleeping with each other, you still felt too shy to ask him for… more. how could you express what exactly you wanted when you were craving all of him? when you wanted to engrave everything into your brain; the feeling of his body against yours, his touch, the sweet as well as the dirty words he whispered into your ear. it was almost unfair how easily he could draw a reaction from you, as if he’d memorized every little aspect about you already.

choso nipped at your neck, about to leave a mark when you frantically pushed at his chest. “no visible marks, i told you!” you reminded him, almost feeling bad when you saw his disappointed face. but rules were rules, you didn’t want your parents to find out you were sneaking around with someone; you were barely able to look into their eyes as is. he huffed against your neck, burying his face in the crook of your neck in frustration. seconds passed without a reaction before he finally sat up on his knees, hands reaching out to tug on your shirt. “but everywhere else is fine, hm?” he mused, dragging his warm hands across your chest to your shoulder to push the fabric off.

“i- i guess,” you spluttered, barely having any time to react as he’s already moved on, lavishing your breasts with kisses while leaving a trail of hickeys on them. you whimpered, hips rolling up against his. through your panties, you could feel the outlines of his cock; the anticipation of him filling you up made you salivate. choso was quick to remove your panties and rolling a condom on upon hearing your desperate whimpers that were urging him to move faster. no matter how many times you’d already slept together, he could never get enough of you - you made him feel like a teenager again, like he was constantly insatiable and hungry for you. judging from the look in your eyes, you seemed to feel the same way.

choso angled his cock against your entrance before sinking in, moaning in unison with you. he grasped your hands, pinning them against the pillows as you reached out, trying to touch him. you sobbed in disappointment, just wanting to feel him but choso was having none of it. the complaint was quickly forgotten when he started thrusting, the sound of his hips smacking against yours filling the room. he was diligent, hitting that spot inside you over and over again, enjoying how your legs that were wrapped around his waist were trembling. you were drowning, drowning in him, in the pleasure he so graciously provided you. choso painted your chest with marks, placing them dangerously close to where they would be peeking out underneath clothes. he knew you didn’t want anyone to see them but fuck, he wanted people to keep their hands away from you, wanted them to know that you were his.

you sung his praises, hips quickly bucking against his as he buries himself in you to the hilt. he filled you up so well, always dragging against your walls so deliciously. almost feral, choso fucked you harder, putting all his frustrations and emotions into the strength of his thrusts. it left you feeling breathless, clenching around him hard as you climbed higher and higher. never had choso fucked you like this before, like he was trying to prove something - you sobbed, tears springing forth from the intensity. it felt good, so good and you wanted to cum so bad, wanted to release. the pleasant warmth was spreading throughout your body, almost unbearably hot as you neared your climax. it erupted within you explosively, leaving you writhing in a babbling, incoherent mess. for many moments, your orgasm wrecked through you, making you see white and stars. in your euphoria, you didn’t notice how choso had cummed with you, whispering sweet praises in your ear as he rode you through your high. you didn’t notice how he disappeared, returning with a wet towel as per usual, how he kisses away the tears at the corner of your eyes. through your hazy mind, you could tell that he wrapped the blanket around you before disappearing again.

it took you a while to return back to your senses, marvelling about the sex you just had. what had possessed choso in that moment? could it be because you’d offered to suck him off? or was he so pent up the entire day? the click of the door made you lift your head towards the source of the sound, cooing when you saw choso padding towards you. he yawned quietly, crawling under the blanket and wrapping his arms around you. "exhausted?" you questioned him, nuzzling into him.

"mhmm, i feel like i could sleep in until noon tomorrow," as usual, he ran his fingers along your spine, drawing shapes on your back. sometimes you thought you could feel him spelling something out on your skin but the touches were always so fleeting that it was impossible for you to make it out. whatever it was, he must've been too wary or scared to share it with you. you were reminded of your earlier conversation - choso still hadn't said anything so you wanted to bring it up, not wanting any issues to arise between you.

"choso? do you want to talk about what was wrong earlier? i know you said you wanted to think about it, but i was wondering…"

choso interrupted you. "are you going to go on a date with the guy that your mum mentioned this morning?"

you shot him a bewildered look. so he had been thinking about it. you hesitated, not sure what to tell him. should you be upfront and tell him how you feel? or give him a mild version, so he didn't feel cornered by you?

"i'm… i'm not sure yet. the thought of going on a date with someone else is kind of daunting but i think i'll do it just so my mum's happy."

"i see." uncomfortable silence seeped between the two of you. you could tell that choso was irritated, the frown on his face clearly indicating it. and yet, he didn't elaborate, leaving you to figure out what he meant by that. not daring to move, you stayed still, waiting for him to continue. choso sighed, placing his forehead against yours. "i think this is selfish of me but i can't stand the thought of seeing you with someone else. i wish… i wish it was only me that you looked at."

"you don't want me to go on a date with him?"

"yeah. i- i can't tell you why that is. it's selfish and dumb, hence why i didn't want to tell you. and it's not something that you should worry about. i'm just your escort after all, there's nothing more between us."

his words stung. even though it was the truth, the words still stung, driving a knife right into your heart. it was the very thing that nobara and maki had warned you about. but here you were, heart breaking in a million pieces. perhaps it was the fact that choso didn't tell you the reason, didn't seem to trust you with it, that made you recoil immediately. the walls around your heart were immediately put back into place, safeguarding you from any further harm. he wasn’t obligated to tell you anything and you knew that - there was probably also another reason why he felt that way. any further digging would probably make him recoil as well, it wouldn’t do you any good. whatever was growing between you, it had to stop now. choso simply saw you as a client, probably had been this entire time. again, you were reminded of the fact that he might have been acting this entire time, none of the affection he showed you ever being real.

“i- yeah… i guess,” you replied dejectedly, looking away from him. “i’ll figure it out with him, don’t worry. i’ll just keep my mum happy with it, there’s nothing more to it.”

choso bit his lip, refraining from replying to it any further. you already knew more than you were ever supposed to, he should have never let it slip that he didn’t like seeing you with other potential love interests. it pained him to keep this hidden, keep it a secret from you - but the less you knew, the better. he couldn’t imagine you being okay with being in a relationship with him while he was still an escort, nor did he think that your parents would be thrilled about it. from what you’d revealed to him, he could tell that they treasured you and wanted to minimize any possible harm as much as possible. and that included hand-picking a suitable partner for you. he might never be what your parents envisioned for you and he might never become your love interest so every session that you booked was a blessing to him.

sighing, he placed one last kiss on your cheek before wishing you a good night. but even when he closed his eyes and tried to sleep, he was wide awake, not being able to stop the onslaught of thoughts.

weeks passed without you ever contacting choso again. your resolve would have never been this strong, hadn’t nobara intervened. while you were moping and still feeling restless, helpless even, she made sure to delete his number and made you take care of the bills before cutting off contact entirely. normally, she would have commented on it - but seeing how you were struggling through your first heartbreak, she decided to let it be. and because maki wouldn’t have hesitated to have her head if you’d ever snitched. maki had encouraged you to take your mind off things, dragging you along to some of the sports classes she attended. it did lift your mood ever so slightly, much to your surprise, it was more fun that you’d originally anticipated. maki attended so many different classes that seemed so intense that you were scared to join at first. in between the classes, you spent more time with your friends. gradually you opened up to them, explaining them the entire issue with choso and how you had struggled to let go. you told them one by one, until it was finally time to let megumi know.

out of everyone, megumi scared you the most - not because he was intimidating or violent but because you knew how he would react. he’d most definitely be upset about it because he was protective over his friends, not wanting them to be harmed in any way. you’d pleaded that at least nobara should tag along to knock some sense into him, should he snap - but megumi’s reaction surprised you. when you finished your story, he was awfully quiet. you assumed he was boiling in anger, reaching out to appease him but he was frowning, making a contemplative face. “uh listen, i think that choso’s yuuji’s brother.”

“he’s what?” nobara’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. megumi had recently started going out with someone that he’d met during work and though he hadn’t introduced you to said person yet, you did know that his name was yuuji.

“yuuji’s brother. i haven’t met him yet but he’s been complaining about his brother for weeks now,” megumi explained, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. “choso’s an escort, right? it has to be yuuji’s brother. i’ve stayed over at yuuji’s place a couple of times… yuuji was venting, asking me about advice on how to get his brother out of a rut. apparently, choso’s been affected by this uh… somewhat breakup as well. yuuji’s suggested to him that he should reach out to you to talk but he said something about his work and your parents...”

“huh. what an interesting coincidence…” nobara mumbled but narrowed her eyes at you. “but you’re not going back to him, right?”

all the blood in your body froze. why had choso brought up your parents? they had never been a part of your relationship, you had only told him how overprotective they were and how they liked choosing your partners and friends for you. could it be?

“no, i don’t think so. i’m… very conflicted about our feelings to each other. it was stupid to give into my feelings for him in the first place. i hired someone to act as my fake boyfriend, someone who does this for a living. i think they know better than to catch feelings for their clients,” you sighed frustrated, shaking your head. there was no way in hell this situation could ever turn back around, even if you now knew that choso had also been affected. and still, he never reached out to me, you thought bitterly.

“i think you should talk it out though, if he does reach out to you,” megumi chimed in, awkwardly patting your shoulder in an attempt to comfort you. “from what yuuji’s told me, it does seem like his feelings are genuine. he didn’t outright push you away, right? who knows what could happen?”

in the end, you couldn’t help but confess to your parents. secrets were bound to be revealed one way or another and you figured it was better you opened up before they found out from someone else. the uncomfortable silence that spread through your apartment created a gloomy atmosphere; the tension was thick and palpable, making you shuffle in your seat in unease. your father hadn’t uttered any word while your mother had completely lost it, not understanding why you hadn’t instead chosen one of the boys she’d always introduced you to.

“all this time you were seeing this boy? and not once did you let us know. i could have asked my friend if they knew someone, their sons are so nice-”

“mum, i already told you i wanted to find someone on my own without having my options being presented to me on a silver plate. and you’re always so disappointed when i end up rejecting them after going through all of the hassle,” you interrupted her, giving her a defiant look. it wasn’t often that you opposed your parents like this but you felt like it was needed - your mother didn’t understand you, nor did she try. you were an adult, for fuck’s sake. you were very much capable of making your own decisions and mistakes to learn from.

“and yet you went to hire an escort! why didn’t you go and meet some of your classmates? i don’t understand why you went such lengths and then even ended up falling in love with them! how would you even pursue a relationship with them?” your mother seethed at you, knuckles blanching from how hard she was gripping her handbag. your father placed a hand on hers, whispering some soothing words in her ear.

“darling, i think y/n knows well that she’s made a mistake and is hurting from it. we don’t need to add to the stress, do we?” he assured her, then looking at you. “y/n, you know that i’m disappointed in you as well. but i don’t blame you for it, i think it’s partly my fault that you felt the need to hire an escort just to… gain some experience. i did take away all your possibilities of a relationship after all…”

“don’t encourage her! this problem won’t just be solved by you spoiling her again, do you know what kind of consequences it could h-”

a loud knock interrupted your mother’s rambling. you were confused - you didn’t expect anyone else for today. it was too late for someone to bring packages. who could it be? you excused yourself, padding towards the door to see who it was. you swore that you briefly suffered from a heart attack when the door swung open to reveal choso. he stared at you equally as stunned, seemingly not having expected you to open and greet him. “w- what are you doing here?” you asked, hating how shaky your voice sounded. how your heart soared, having missed his presence around you. the feelings had never been properly buried, only hidden by a thin layer of pretense that was now quickly being washed away.

“i’m sorry for just turning up unannounced… i was hoping- hoping to be able to talk to you for a bit? i wanted to explain myself,” choso replied, unaware of the two persons in your apartment that were straining their necks to be able to get a look at him.

you groaned. why now? the timing was just too comical, fate must really hate you. “i’m sorry, my parents are here right now. maybe, another t-”

“aha, so this is the boy my daughter has been sleeping with,” your mother appeared behind you, snarling at choso maliciously. panicking, your father had followed her quickly, holding her back by her arm. “you have some nerve appearing here as if nothing happened, what is it that you-”

“darling.” your father cleared his voice, shooting daggers at her. “there’s no need to be rude.”

swiftly, he introduced himself and your mother to choso, politely shaking his hand. choso remained calm, as usual, and introduced himself as well. if he was shocked by the entire ordeal, he sure didn’t show it. his face remained a perfect poker face, no emotions seeping through. “i wanted to talk to your daughter, ma’am. i assume she’s told you about our relationship and how we broke apart. there is no ulterior motive here, i just wanted to explain myself and talk it out.”

“that’s-!”

your father interrupted your mother again, not giving her another opportunity to spit venom at choso. “i think that is a good idea. though she has not opened up about everything, i can tell that she is hurting as much as you are. i believe a discussion would be very productive. but what is your intention? what are you going to do once you’ve explained yourself?”

suddenly, you felt like you were forgotten or invisible in the entire discussion. were they ignoring you? you were standing right there and yet no one was addressing you. you huffed, trying to pull their focus back on you. “nothing’s gonna happen, dad. there was nothing for us to work with and there won’t be.”

choso felt like he’d been slapped. he didn’t know what to make of your reaction but he came here for one reason only: to give you the closure that you deserved and he wasn’t going to leave until he accomplished just that. “i intend to apologize to her. judging from your wife’s reaction, you don’t seem to like me very much. i can’t imagine you would ever accept me, i know i don’t live up to your standards. i don’t deserve your daughter, she deserves so much more than what i can offer. and i’m aware of it. but if she’s willing to have me, i’ll try my very best to live up to your standards, to prove myself to you. i just want to be with her and make her happy. i’m in love with her and that’s what i intended to tell her.”

your heart stopped at his confession. all this time, choso loved you? megumi had been right all along. choso returned your feelings and he was here, so close and yet so far. dread filled you as you realized your parents could possibly drive him away, make him disappear from your life with just a snap of their fingers. you cherished choso more than you were aware of, the adoration running deep in your veins even when you were trying to reject him.

“i see. that’s reason enough for me. we’ve already let her have a piece of our mind, i don’t think she needs more telling off. my little girl has grown so much and it’s time to let her make her own decisions, growing and mistakes,” your father shot your mother a look. she’d calmed down, choso’s explanation seemingly having brought her back to her senses. she looked away, not wanting to look him in the eyes. “we’ll let you deal with this. but know that if she does take you back, i won’t go easy on you, alright? the bars are high and i don’t intend to lower them just because you love her. prove to me, that you’re worthy of her.”

“i will,” choso sounded so sure and confident that it made your father grin - you sure had found someone who took great care of you and wasn’t afraid to stand tall in front of your father. and that he liked, someone who wasn’t scared to back down from a challenge, someone who would be the perfect partner for you. as your parents said goodbye and left, he gave choso a pat on the shoulder before exiting the apartment, leaving the two of you to your own devices.

you didn’t know what to say, how to start. standing in the hallway was awkward but you couldn’t move just yet, instead wanting to hear what he had to say first. “you love me?” you croaked, your voice failing you. now that your parents were gone, you could freely show your emotions, not being able to hold the tears back any longer. choso panicked, fussing over you as you started to cry. furiously, you wiped the tears away with the sleeves of your sweater.

“i do. i uhm wish i had found a better way to tell you this. i figured that you probably thought that everything we did was simply a facade but i promise you that it was all real. i don’t know when exactly but i started falling for you along the way and it was hard… to remind myself that you were a client and i was just there to provide the service to you, you know? i had no right to get mad at you if you decided to go and see other people. and i wasn’t sure of your feelings for me, it was…” choso trailed off, struggling to find the right word but you knew what he meant and nodded, signaling him to continue. “i just didn’t want to tie you to me when you… when you might not like me back or even want to be with an escort.”

you sniffled quietly, wrapping your arms around him immediately, with such a speed that it almost knocked the air out of his lungs. confused, choso wrapped his arms around you, tucking your head under his chin and rubbing your back soothingly. he was relieved that you didn’t push him away at least and let him explain everything in one go. he felt more at ease now and was at peace with the decision to immediately leave and never butt in your life again in case you rejected him.

“all this time, i also loved you,” you mumbled, an upset frown on your face. “i- i just kept thinking that you’d never return my feelings and that you were just playing boyfriend because i hired you to do so and-”

you hiccuped, another sob tearing from your throat.

“when you told me not to go on that date and immediately followed it with you only being my escort and nothing more, it hurt me so much and i know it was stupid and childish of me to react in such a way but… i was just spiraling, i love you so much and didn’t know where to place the anxieties and negative feelings.”

choso shushed you quietly when your sobs grew more frequent and you let him pick you up, clinging onto him as he walked over to the couch and sat on it with you on his lap. “shh, you’re okay, we’re okay,” he mumbled against the crown of your head, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “i’m sorry i hurt you so much, i was not aware that you already liked me back then and that my words would have such an effect on you.”

over and over, choso apologized quietly until you calmed down, slumping against his chest. you stayed silent, trying to piece your thoughts and feelings back together so as to present him with a coherent and logical question. your mind was in shambles and you hoped that choso would at least get what you were hinting at. “so w- what do we do now? where do we- we go from here?”

“as i’ve already told your dad… if you’ll have me, i’ll make it up to you, all the hurt that i’ve caused you. i love you, so much. i want to be your boyfriend, and this time officially.”

“i like the sound of it,” you mumbled, tilting your head back to look at him. “will you be my boyfriend?”

“it would be an honour, princess.”

with a kiss, choso sealed the deal, easily catapulting you back on cloud nine. who would have thought that the escort you’d hired to be your fake boyfriend would turn out to be the prince charming you had always hoped for, surpassing even your wildest dreams and expectations. choso was everything you wanted and more - he was the person you wanted to wake up to every morning, the person you wanted to come home to. he was the person with whom you wanted to spend your life with, the person that loved you so unconditionally and never expected anything in return. you were lucky that he chose you, that he loved you back. out of all the persons in the universe, it was him.

he was perfect and he was yours.

p.s.: if you've made it until the end: thank you so much for reading!

[hansensgirl]

not all who wander are lost.

summary. | He’s got your name on his tattoo, wearing the same damn clothes since three days ago. A bottle of gin in his hand, and you’d say he’s just wandering.

warnings. | Strangers to lovers, smut, naive reader, mentions of trauma, angst, fluff, slight violence, slight dub/con, slight blasphemy, drinking, DD/LG, daddy kink, corruption kink, ring/hand kink, size kink, creampie kink, teasing, spanking, choking, spitting, manhandling, praise, male masturbation, handjob, degradation, a bit of humiliation, oral sex, virginity loss, marking, and more. 18+ MINORS DNI.

word count. | 11k

pairings. | Daddy!Destroyer!Chris x Little!Reader.

a/n. | one of the few fics inspired/based off of chemtrails over the country club. please heed the warnings and don’t forget to reblog. ily! thank you so much to @dragon-of-dreams @mypoisonedvine @tenuntilfightcall and everyone else for helping me out with some information! and thank you to my bb sara @asadmarveltrashbag for beta-ing and being there for me during this insane month, ilysm!!

The first time he laid eyes on you, was six months ago.

Meadows like the ones that surround him only exist in movies and Instagram posts. But even those need editing for perfection. Yet, the ones around him made him feel as though he has camera lenses for his eyes. Each piece of grass is a beautiful green, and some had flowers between them. His thighs may hurt but the view is a reward for all the trouble he just went through. A cute cottage lies on the hill he stands on. It resembles one from a Pinterest board but he doesn’t mind.

Birds chirp, sheep bleat, cows low and chickens cluck amongst Ella Fitzgerald's rendition of Summertime. Chris walks a few more steps and onto the porch he goes. This isn’t his destination. Well, technically, it is. But he isn’t supposed to be knocking on your door like he is now, and his heart shouldn’t be beating out of his chest. To the right of this cottage — Chris’s right — is another cottage.

It’s more modern than he’d prefer it to be. It only looks so because inside lives a drug lord who is on the run. It’s truly unfortunate his girlfriend sold him out for immunity. He knocks on the wooden door and takes a step back. Who knows what kind of person is behind it. “Coming!” your sweet voice calls. Chris doesn’t let go of his grip on his gun that’s down the waist of his pants.

Even the sweetest seeming things can always end up being sour.

You struggle not to trip over your own dress. The tail of it drags behind you and sweeps the floor, too. But it makes you feel just like a princess, so you don’t care. On your hip is a basket, and inside is Cotton. Your bunny. She’s been your company for years, and you don’t know what you’d do without her. Barely anyone visits anymore, only because cars can’t handle the long drive up and many people hate nature. But when the occasional knock on your door echoes throughout the house, you can barely keep your excitement inside.

You open the door and gasp. The man… is brooding. And he’s not the type of broody that would grumble insults under his breath or the type that would stalk people, either. He’s the dreamy type, the man your parents say is bad news when really he just needs love. You take in his form. You can tell he’s slightly tired and you just have to give him credit for walking up to your home. He has no flaws, except for the dirt that stains his clothing.

“Hi, do you live here?” the strange man asks, looking around the inside of your home. You jump and you’re not sure why but your skin raises with goosebumps. His voice is deep yet so soft-spoken. For some odd reason, his hand is reaching backwards and you assume that it’s because he has some sort of ache from the walk. You finally register his words and look up at him.

“Y- yes, do you live here?” you stupidly ask. You don’t even realize what you just said until you noticed his puzzled look. “Oh, sorry,” you look down and notice that his black boots are covered in pollen, something that can be oh so bothersome. “‘S’alright, I was hiking a- and I don’t have anywhere to go… Do you think you could let me stay here?” he asks, letting go of the gun. “Uhm, s- sure, what’s your name?” you ask him, moving out of the way.

Naive, so fucking naive.

“Chris, what’s yours?” he asks, stepping inside. You give him your name and he nods. He goes to wipe his shoes on the rug in front of the door but there is no rug. You hand him a rag and he gratefully takes him, mumbling a small ‘thank you.’ “Are you a tourist?” you ask him, setting your basket down onto the floor. Cotton hops out of it and runs off to the kitchen, probably to chew on your apron. “No…” he solemnly answers. He hands you the rag back and you shyly take it.

“O- okay… Are you a photographer? I’ll tell you God’s truth, the most beautiful photos are taken when the sun rises, when it sets and when it’s raining,” you pointedly inform him. You drop the rag into your basket and turn back around, your dress spinning in a slight swirl. His eyes rake your body up and down, taking in every inch of your body. Red cloth with white polka dots covers your body and your mushroom earrings bring the entire outfit together.  Chris has to assume that the heavens above or whatever the fuck else is there have handcrafted you to absolute perfection.

He’s never read any stories about Greek gods, but he knows that Zeus would be absolutely infatuated with you. He takes note of how your body tenses up when he makes eye contact with you, and he gives you a small smile.

“I’m not a photographer,” he clarifies, looking around. He can’t believe you let him in just like that, but the more he found, the more he understood why. A lonely, innocent little girl like you doesn’t have anyone to tell you right from wrong. “Then what are you, sir? Are you lost? I can call the Consulate if you’d like,” you offer, walking towards him. “I’m not lost… I’m a wanderer,” he whispers almost hesitatingly.

“But you only ever wander when you’re lost, no?” you confusingly ask him. He clicks his tongue and shakes his head, before peering out of the window. Luckily, he has a direct view of the other cottage. He really did hit the jackpot. “Not all who wander are lost, little girl. Now tell me, why would you let a stranger inside your home?” he asks you.

Cotton hops from the kitchen to your bedroom, and you stand in place. “I… Well, I’m not sure. You didn’t give me any reason to not let you in or to make me believe you’re dangerous, sorry…” you shyly tell him. “Don’t apologize, just know that not everyone in this world is good. There’s always going to be someone with a little more darkness than the rest of us…”

Chris unzips his duffle bag, and you let out a giggle. “Quite ominous of you, but then again, it suits your whole aesthetic. The cool, bearded man, with his cool words,” you smile at him, but it carries a bit of sadness. “Treat this place as your own, make yourself at home. And if you need anything, I’m always here.”

Chris stays at the window for most of his days. Always with a pair of binoculars and a pack of saltine crackers. Sometimes, he pulls a juice bottle out of his duffle bag, You’ve countlessly offered him something that’s actually filling, such as angel cake and sandwiches. He rejects them all, and you wonder if he’s some sort of super-human. But technology hasn’t invented wireless technology yet, so it’s impossible.

“Uhm, Mr. Chris-Sir? I don’t think those crackers are good for you, they’re all you eat…” you sheepishly admit, carrying a cup of water to him. The mug has a little frog painted on it, but the green paint has chipped away over seven years. You set it down gently, onto the table next to him and Chris just stares out at the cottage. “Bird-watching is so cool, isn’t it? If you see a robin, let me know, they’re so beautiful,” you tell him, before walking off.

At first, he doesn’t take in your words. But once they’ve settled deep in his mind and sunk in, he realizes that you assume he’s bird-watching. He’d honestly take any other assumption, but at least you don’t know he’s spying on the criminal next door. He looks down at the table with a sigh and then notices what you’ve done. Not only did you set a cup of water down, but you also gave him two slices of toast. One has strawberry jam on it, and the other has melted butter.

His mouth surprisingly salivates, but it also doesn’t shock him. Every day he sits there, basking in the beautiful smell of your food and humming. His personal favourite is the smell of focaccia bread being baked. He watches and waits until you leave the room to go tend to the chickens. Apparently, one of them laid a few eggs. He quickly shovels the two slices of toast into his mouth and downs the glass of water like a starved man. Because he is one.

Cotton hopes around once again but all Chris sees is a fluffy white blur. He recalls his memories from when he was younger. Younger him always wanted a pet. Even a fish that would die in the span of two weeks would suffice. But his mom couldn’t afford it, so he dropped the idea. Sometimes, he wishes he had dropped other ideas, as well. Like the idea that he’d enjoy life as an undercover agent, or the idea of sacrificing himself for Erin.

His fingers are sticky with jam. He hates the feeling. He spreads his fingers out and goes to get up from his seat. “Shit,” he curses, realizing that something may happen while he’s away from the window. He stands there, contemplating whether or not he should risk his mission just to wash the fucking jam off of his stupid fucking hands. He calls your name, loudly, hoping you’ll hear him all the way outside the cottage.

“Is everything alright?” you shout, running inside the house. He didn’t expect that reaction, but he’ll take it. You’re holding onto the corner of two walls, slightly bent over. Your chest, your beautiful chest, is the first thing Chris lays his eyes on. He nearly chokes on his saliva, and he just can’t seem to take his eyes off of you. “Uh, hi, I need help,” he gruffly says, his voice a bit deeper than usual. He clears his throat with a loud ‘ahem’ and you begin to stand up straight, much to his dismay.

But he doesn’t think the image of your tits nearly falling out of your dress will leave his mind any time soon.

“Of course… Did you enjoy the toast? I can make you some more if you’d like,” you shyly offer him. “It was good, but I’m fine, thanks though. Can you stay here, right at the window, while I go wash my hands? If anything happens, you have to tell me.” Chris doesn’t leave any room for argument, but your curiosity and naivety get the best of you as always.

“What happens if I don’t tell you?” you ask him, walking towards the window. He blocks your path and suddenly personal space is no longer a thing you need. “You don’t want to know what I’m gonna do if you don’t, little girl,” he warns with a hint of lust in his tone. You nod your head and feel tingles bloom just above your core. You’re not sure whether they’re butterflies or those tingles.

Chris walks past you and you quickly rush to the window. You never realized how beautiful this view is until now. The sun is bright, angled in the most perfect manner so that it doesn’t shine directly in your eyes. The sky is so clear, even with the occasional fluffy cloud that always manages to look like some animal. The window blows gently, shaking the sheer curtains that frame you. You sigh and fold your arms, resting them on the windowsill.

You lay your head on your arms and stare out the window with joy filling your heart.

Chris watches you as you look out the window. You’re slightly bent over, once again. Your ass sticks out, and you subconsciously sway your hips side to side, almost purposefully teasing him. Your white dress has a few strings hanging from the hem, but it doesn’t make you look any less gorgeous. He feels like he’s in a dream.

Not only because of the beautiful scenery, and the beautiful woman in front of him but also because he’s trying his hardest to wash his hands quickly, but his movements are so slow. He looks down and rubs his hands together at a furious pace. Chris hears you gasp and he looks up. “Did you see something?” he asks you, turning off the sink.

“Yeah, my neighbour! I haven’t seen him in months, I need to go say hi,” you tell Chris, before rushing out the door. He only then registers your words once you’ve run out of the house and into the unknown. “Fuck- Wait!” he yells after you. He runs behind you and is so grateful when he notices you haven’t gone too far. But you’re still running and Chris’s target is about ten meters away, so he decides to do what he does best.

He decides to save you.

Chris’s feet hit the ground harshly, crushing the flowers beneath him. Running in socks isn’t fun, but at least he has something to protect him. He calls your name and crashes into you with all the force in his body. You both go down and hit the ground from his fierce tackling technique. You go to cry out in pain and lose your mind, but Chris clams his hand over your mouth. “Shh, be quiet. You’re not hurt, okay? I’m sorry I had to do that, but you can’t go running off like that,” he lectures, throwing his right leg over your body. He frames you down, and you don’t have much room to move. You’re frozen in place, chest heaving, and you furrow your eyebrows at his words.

“Listen, I need you to listen. You may not know me and I may not know you, but when I tell you to do something, you’re going to listen. Understood?” he chastised with a harsh tone. You nod meekly, like a little kid who just got caught with their hand in the cookie jar. “And just so you know, that sweet neighbour of yours over there is wanted by the Feds.” Chris looks over his shoulder and doesn’t see the man there anymore, so he begrudgingly climbs off of your body.

You gulp thickly, out of fear and nervousness. Chris doesn’t seem to want to add on to this newfound information, so your anxiety makes work of it. For all you know, your neighbour could be a murderer. Chris senses your nervousness and gives you a pat on the head, almost as if you’re his pet.

Unbeknownst to you, the sight of you under him, helpless and with his hand clamped over your mouth is something that gets his blood (and hand) pumping. He helps you up, and you don’t even realize it until he brushes some dandelion seeds out of your hair. “Thank you… and thank you for saving me, I’m sorry I didn’t listen,” you shyly speak to him. He nods and shoves his hands into his pockets, finding an old cigarette from before he quit.

“‘S’alright, I just need a few things from you,” he gruffly reassured. “O- Of course, anything for my guest and for the man who saved my life,” you beam with a small giggle punctuating your words. He basks in it, almost as though it’s sunlight over a beach. “Ah, you flatter me. Just tell me about yourself, I’m going to be staying for a while,” he says as he turns around to walk back inside.

A bottle of gin is in Chris’s hands. The colourless yet pale yellow liquid swishes inside its rightful bottle. It’s half full, only because last night, he downed the rest. He hasn’t drunk in a while. Since he got over being left for dead. And that’s only six months ago.

He’s shirtless. Only left in his grey jeans and jewelry. His rings clink against the glass bottle and his bracelets hang a little past his wrist. The gunshot wound on his left side had a faint scar on it. He hates it. Every single time he stares in the mirror, that fucking scar just stares back at him.

His father told him it makes him seem more ‘manly’, but it just feels like a point of weakness. Maybe if he was a little quicker, he would’ve saved that bank teller. He would’ve gotten Silas behind bars. He would’ve been able to be proud of himself.

Chris groans at the memories and spins the cap off of the bottle. It flies somewhere across the room, probably hitting one of the wood walls. He mumbles a ‘fucking hell’ and brings the bottle to his lips. The last time he drank like this was three months ago, and he ended up fucking the bartender.

She was bent over the counter, her tits spilled out of her bra and his cock pummeled into her sloppily.

She ended up kicking him out after they were done.

Chris groans again and sits down on the bed, kicking his legs up. His pants are stained with the pigment of dandelions and grass. The splotchy stains are juxtaposed to the grey of his old jeans. They have wear and tear all over them, but he doesn’t care.

Every now and then, he sighs — he sighs quite deeply. The puffs of air come from deep inside his chest. He tilts his head back and stares up at the ceiling, thinking back to earlier today. He smiles to himself, recalling the way you looked so innocent beneath him.

He’s only known you for a few days, and he already has lewd thoughts for you. Fuck. He just can’t help himself, though. Especially with your innocent doe eyes and pretty little dresses. He closes his eyes slowly, using that memory to fuel his much-needed mental images.

You’re beneath him once again, but you’re naked. His hand is wrapped around your throat, and he’s naked too. His cock is slowly driving in and out of you. He’s teasing you. Your pulsating, wet walls hug his fat cock, and you’re both moaning softly.

“Daddy…” you whisper to him, clenching around his cock. “What’s wrong, baby?” he softly asks you. “Please fuck me harder, please, Daddy,” you beg to him, before biting down onto your bottom lip. “I don’t think you’ll be able to take my cock like that, baby,” he shakes his head.

“I can take it, Daddy, I’m your good girl.”

Chris opens his eyes and his right hand has found its way down his boxers. His cock is all swollen and hard, hard as a rock. He places the bottle of gin down on the bedside table and gets himself all comfortable. Chris slowly begins to stroke himself gently. He goes from the base all the way to the top, and then back down. His thumb occasionally swipes against his leaking tip and all he can think of is teaching you how to make him — your Daddy — feel good.

“Fuck, baby,” he moans, feeling a vein throat against his hand. He moans your name and speeds up his movements. His fingers are slightly sticky, but it’s the type of sticky he doesn’t mind. He begins to slow his hand down, and he sighs, not wanting to come just yet. He hasn’t been this hard in ages, and touching himself feels so fucking good.

“Did you say my name? Is everything alright?” you ask, barging into his room. He jumps and his hand flies out of his pants. You both stare at each other, not even daring to blink. You eventually break eye contact and notice the bottle of gin sitting on the bedside table. There’s only a sixth of it left, and you frown. You don’t like it when people you care about drink. “Uhm…” he awkwardly scratches the back of his neck and then takes in your form.

You’re in a nightgown, and it’s sheer as fuck. The gin gets to him and his mind has a slight buzz to it. His heart beats rapidly and his cock throbs with want and need. Chris’s eyes rake up and down your body like how they usually do whenever you’re in front of him. His mother would scold him for ogling at you, but he just doesn’t care anymore.

“I- I am so so so sorry, I should’ve knocked. I just thought you needed help with something because I heard you say my name, but sometimes I just tend to hear random things, so sorry,” you apologize in a panicking manner. You slowly walk back to the door, but you don’t turn around. Your bare feet leave a faint imprint on the floor from the cold sweats that have taken over your body.

“Come back here,” he orders, sitting up on the bed. Chris’s unbuckled belt clanks quietly, and he begins to remove it in one quick motion. You gulp thickly and exhale shakily. You slowly walk to where Chris is sitting, and he pats the spot next to him. You’ve never had such an interaction with anyone, ever. You sit down next to him, but you keep your distance.

Alcohol should not be called alcohol in Chris’s utmost humble opinion. No, it should just stick to its nickname ‘liquid courage’ because it’s more accurate than anything else. He may not seem like it, but he’s just a man who doesn’t have the heart to do much. Adrenaline doesn’t exist for him anymore, not since the incident.

Chris turns his head and stares at your pretty face. You look down, unable to make eye contact with such a God-like man. You have to assume that even Apollo is envious of Chris’s beauty. “How’d you hear me? Because I know these walls aren’t thin enough, and I know I wasn’t being loud, so tell me; How’d you hear me?” he interrogates you like one of Silas’s companions, but this time is slightly different.

Lust is what’s pumping through his veins, not rage.

“Uhm, well… My room was right there, and I wasn’t doing anything but thinking, and since your bed is against the wall, I- I heard you say my name,” you explain shyly. He hums, and you’re not sure whether it’s a hum of delight or disbelief. “Thinking of what?” he presses, inching his body closer to yours.

You continue to stare at his hand, even though you can feel his heavy breathing against your face. “I… Well- I was uh,” you stutter embarrassingly, and it makes you burn up with shame. “Spit it out, little girl, and don’t think of lying to me,” he growls, placing his hand on your thigh. Your gaze follows his movements, and you take in the set of rings that adorn his fingers.

They’re all black and of similar styles. One has a skull, one is completely plain, one has a cross on it and the last one has the word ‘Daddy’ engraved on it. His veins are so prominent. They bulge out with intensity, and you’d just love to trail your fingers along each of them. “Am I going to have to force an answer out of you?” he roughly asks. His other hand goes to the back of your head and he brings your gaze to his face.  

You quickly shake your head in objection, and he raises his eyebrows for you to spit your answer out. “I was thinking about you, and the way you tackled me…” you admit to him in a low and soft voice. “You liked the way I was on you, little girl?” he asks, moving his hand to the back of your neck. “Y- Yeah, made me feel all… Tingly…” you whisper to him.

“I want to hear you say it, little girl,” Chris ushers, squeezing the back of your neck slightly. “I liked the way you were on top of me…” you tell him breathlessly. “Good girl,” he praises in a slightly deep voice. He pulls you onto his lap and you gasp. His hard, wanting cock is right under your thighs, and you exhale nervously.

“You feel that, little girl? That’s all because of you, you did this to me. And you’re proud of it, aren’t you? Got me so fucking hard just because of you.” Chris squeezes your waist, and you really can feel it all. He’s not wrong, either. You’re so proud that you’ve made a man like him so desperate for you. “Do you know what I was doing, little girl? I was jerking off to the thought of fucking that cunny of yours until you’re begging me to stop,” he growls in your ear.

You moan softly, and the picture comes to mind, making your pussy gush with want. “Bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” he asks, placing his hand on your inner thigh. You nod, and he raises his eyebrows in warning again. “Yeah, I want that so bad,” you murmur to him. You and your pussy want him so bad. Chris’s hand inches further up your thighs until he’s just an inch away from your bare pussy.

Your thighs are already slightly sticky from your arousal. “Do you know what jerking off is, little girl?” he asks, pulling his hand away from your pussy. You hold back a pathetic, child-like whine, and he begins to lift up your nightgown until he sees your naked body. “Kind of… Isn’t that when a man touches himself? Like how women touch their… down there?” you innocently ask him.

Chris chuckles at how cute you are. So innocent yet oh so slutty. “Have you ever touched yourself, little girl?” he asks, lifting the nightgown over your head. It’s strewn across the floor behind you, and neither of you cares. But you quickly use your hands to cover your most precious, most private parts. “No, no, I don’t want to see any of that. You’re so beautiful, baby, you’re built like an absolute angel,” he husks, and you feel so flustered that you can’t help but giggle.

“T- Thank you… And I’ve done it a few times,” you inform him. Chris nods and smirks, catching the way your nipples have pebbled up. “Have you ever made someone feel good before?” he questions, trailing his broad hands up and down your body. “N- No, it’s pretty lonely up here…” you almost-ashamedly admit. He coos at you. “Do you want me to teach you how to make me feel good, little girl?” he questions, palming your tits.

You moan softly and rub your thighs together as he pinches and pulls at your hard nipples. You’re so small in his large hands, it makes him even harder. You nod your head fervently, wanting to make Chris feel so fucking good. Chris takes his hands away from your body and shifts you in his lap. He reaches down his pants and pulls his cock out of his boxers.

You gasp, having never seen something as big as that. He smirks and uses his right hand to grasp the base of his thick cock. Chris brings your dominant hand down to where his cock is and guides you to wrap your fingers around him. Chris shudders at your soft touch, and he moans softly. “Good girl, yeah,” he praises. “Wrap your hand around me a bit tighter, baby,” he urges, and you do exactly that.

He groans loudly and a small smile stretches across your lips. “N- Now, you’ve got to move your hand up and down. Start off slowly, go all the way to the tip, and then back down,” he instructs, even though he’s helping you out. His hand brings yours all the way to the tip, and then back down; just like he said. His hand leaves yours and goes back to feeling up your pretty body.

“Now do it by yourself, but in a twisting motion, little girl.”

You listen to his words and jerk him off, feeling yourself get wet as his cock twitches in your hand. Your clit throbs and so do the veins on the side of his shaft. Chris curses, and you bite down on your bottom lip. “Good girl, just like that. Fuck, your hand feels so good around me,” he moans, squeezing your waist. You focus on his cock, watching as pre-cum leaks from the tip and down the side of his dick.

It drips onto your slow-moving hand, and you exhale as your movements grow a bit faster. You look at him, watching as his pupils darken with lust. You can tell — it’s written on his face — he wants you to go faster. Your hand speeds up around his cock, making him a moaning mess. “Fuck, you’re such a good fucking girl. You like making me feel good, don’t you? So eager to please like the good little girl you are,” Chris husks.

His praise goes straight to your needy cunt and he knows this because he can just tell. Your thighs rub together, your breath hitches, you let out a giggle and squeeze a little tighter around his cock. Chris’s hand goes up to your head and smashes your lips against his. You both moan into the kiss, and you straddle both his thighs to get more comfortable.

You place your other hand on his cock and mimic your dominant hand’s movements. You try to keep up with the kiss, but you just can’t. Teeth clash and so do tongues as Chris moves his mouth against yours. He pants and his chest heaves as you continue to stroke him. “Go faster, baby,” he urges, and he pulls his mouth away from yours. He can feel you soaking his jeans, your wetness joining the abundant amount of rips and tears in the material.

Your hand moves faster, twisting perfectly and occasionally squeezing his most sensitive spots as well. Chris pushes your hands away abruptly, and you’re confused. Did you do something wrong? Does he not like you anymore? What happened? “Shit, wrap your mouth around the tip, little girl. Trust me, you’re gonna fucking love it,” he says, and you quickly do so.

You’ll do anything to please him. His mushroom tip is leaking and a raging red. It’s the same red as the rest of his cock, and you could swear it’s almost purplish. You can tell he’s aching because you’ve been through a similar thing. You drop down to the floor and kneel in front of Chris. Your lips smooth around the tip of his hard cock, and you can taste him as soon as he hits your tongue.

He tastes of musk and manliness, along with a hint of saltiness, and it’s oh so addicting. You keep the tip of his cock in your mouth like it’s one of your favourite lollipops and smile around him. Chris smiles and wraps his hand around himself. He jerks himself off quickly, desperate to come in your mouth. “Fucking shit– god, you’re such a good fucking girl,” Chris rasps as he reaches his climax.,

His balls tighten up and his blue eyes roll back into his skull. White, hot, thick ropes of cum shoot out of his tip and fill your mouth. You’re not sure why, but a moan escapes past your throat, and it only makes Chris’s high much better. Chris places both hands on the sides of your head and holds you there, gently. You swallow all his cum as it fills your mouth and leaks from the corners of your lips.

Chris so desperately wants to push your head farther down his cock, but he knows he shouldn’t. Plus, there’s always going to be more time for things like that. He pulls your head away from his cock and watches as a string of saliva tries to keep the two of you connected. You gently lick your lips, still savouring his taste and he smiles down at you. You can’t lie — you feel giddy. Giddy in a way in which you crave his praise and approval like no other.

“You’re such a good girl, you know that? Thank you for helping me out… I do suppose I should return the favour, right?” he teasingly says, lifting you up into his lap. You shake your head out of nervousness. “No? … Why not, baby?” Chris asks, and you gulp thickly. “Don’t wanna rush it… I- never mind, you wouldn’t understand,” you look down and fiddle with your fingers.

The grooves of your nails are smoothed over by your pointer finger. Some dips and rises make you cringe, and others satisfy you. He looks down at your hands and notices the skin picked on the sides. He knows how painful those can be, and he doesn’t want you to feel any pain at all. “I’ll try to understand, darling, but if you don’t tell me, then I’ll be completely clueless,” he speaks to you lowly. “I like the way your words make me feel…” you shyly admit to him.

“Aw, how do they make you feel, baby?” Chris presses, grasping your two hands together. “All warm and small… makes me feel like I have it all. Hey, that rhymes!” you exclaim, bubbling in the utmost adorable giggles ever. “You’re a natural poet, darling. But tell me more…” he urges, rubbing his coarse thumbs against your soft skin. “I get butterflies, and I feel all shy and safe. Your words make me so comfortable yet so vulnerable…” you describe to him even though words can’t describe what you feel.

“Is that right, baby? You’re so cute… Do you- Do you get all tingly and babyish when I use my words?” Chris hesitatingly asks. His voice is so gentle and soft, a low whisper that is so soothing to your ears and rough edges. You nod meekly and smile to yourself. Your cheeks may hurt from all the laughter he caused earlier today but that doesn’t refrain you from hiding your smile.

Now, Chris is no doctor. He’s no professional, he’s no master. He’s just a broken man, but he knows exactly what you’re talking about. But he won’t explain what it is, because he needs you to learn on your own. Maybe with some guidance from him, but he won’t trick you into thinking something completely off base.

“Let’s get cleaned up, okay? Then we’ll sleep, you need the rest. We both do.”

He’s got your name on his tattoo, wearing the same damn clothes since three days ago. A bottle of gin in his hand, and you’d say he’s just wandering. But he isn’t. He was never. The stick-and-poke tattoo may seem a bit much, but he doesn’t regret it one bit. Your name is written in your pretty handwriting. The ink is in his skin, and he’s practically marked as yours, now.

The days go by slower, much slower than he’d like them to. But it doesn’t matter now, because his mission is over, and he’ll be leaving soon. But Chris doesn’t want to leave. His wanderlust has found an end as he finally has a place where he’s meant to be. He’s found heaven in the hills, and between your legs.

“D- Daddy…” you whisper under your breath, loud enough for him to hear. Your hands are locked with his, and they rest at your sides. You’re just in a small bralette, and your hard nipples poke through the fabric. Your legs are thrown over his shoulders and your ankles lace together behind his head. Your neck aches from the angle your body is in, but the pleasure blooming from your core is much more powerful.

Chris is between your legs, and he hums against your wet, throbbing pussy. You moan loudly and squeeze your eyes shut from the feeling. He sucks on your clit harshly, and wetness seeps from your hole. “Feels so good… Oh, my…” you pant. Your hips gyrate and you subconsciously grind your wet cunt against Chris’s face. He pulls his face away from your pussy and licks a broad stripe against you.

You moan again and squeeze his hands tighter. His tongue swirls around your swollen and throbbing clit, bringing you closer and closer to your release. Your taste is addictive, and he could stay between your legs for hours on end, if not for eternities. His beautiful, lovely rings dig into the sides of your fingers, but you don’t care. Chris may treat you like a delicate doll, but he should know how much you love it when he’s rough with you.

“I think I’m gonna come, Daddy…” you cry out to him before a strangled moan leaves your mouth. Chris pulls away from your pussy once again, but this time he spits on your lips. His saliva drops down your cunt and mixes with your wetness, and he goes back to devouring you. He eats you out like a starved man, and you’re squealing at the overwhelming pleasure.

If he was on death row, he’d have your sweet pussy as his last meal.

His tongue works over your clit and brings you closer and closer to your release. It’s coming fast. A searing, heated feeling takes over your body and abdomen as your back arches off your couch. Chris is as hard as a rock, staring you directly in the eyes, and he makes you come on his mouth.

“Oh- Daddy!” you cry out loudly, your mouth falling open into a silent, voiceless scream. Your eyes roll back into your skull and in Chris’s past words, you look like a brain-dead slut. Your wetness gushes out of your drooling hole, and he laps it all up with no problem. He drinks up everything you give him, and then some. Your hands are still laced with his and your chest rises and falls at a fast pace.

“Shh… You did amazing, little one. Taste so fucking sweet, just like nectar,” he hums like a hummingbird, before smacking his lips. You slowly come down from your high as he strokes your hands with his thumbs. Your lids are slightly heavy, but you don’t want to get any shut-eye. Time away from Chris is practically a sin in your eyes. “Thank you, Daddy,” you gratefully reply.

“You’re welcome, little one. Got me so hard,” he husks as he moves to get up. He carefully handles your body and pulls out a handkerchief from the pocket of his jeans. They’ve been washed and scrubbed but there are still faint dandelion and pollen stains that he just doesn’t care enough about. Though the adorable face you were making whilst washing them is something that’ll never leave his mind.

Just like the mental image of you coming undone beneath him.

“Can I make you feel good, Daddy? Pretty please?” you ask sweetly and Chris knows he could say yes, but he doesn’t want to. Making you feel good pleases him, but he doesn’t want to sound so poetic so he chuckles. “Soon, little one, I need to clean you up properly,” he tells you and you jut your bottom lip out, pouting. He coos at you and you scrunch your nose up at the attention.

“But I’m all clean, Daddy!” you reason, reaching over to palm his hard cock through his jeans. Chris chokes on his saliva at the feeling of your touch. “In a bit, little one, you need to listen to Daddy. Okay?” he rasps with a warning in his voice. “Okay, Dada…” you trail off with a deep sigh punctuating your sentence. You fiddle with your fingers as Chris carefully cleans up your pussy.

The damp washcloth is gentle against your sensitive skin. Each movement of his is carried by gentleness and love. “I have a question, Daddy,” you hum after a few seconds of silence. “Go ahead, mushy one,” he says with a smile. You giggle at the nickname before calming yourself down. “Were you really wandering?” you bluntly ask him. Chris’s eyes nearly fall out of their sockets, and you gasp.

“What do you mean, little one?” he asks, looking up at you. “Well… You said you were a wanderer! And that’s how you found me! But you don’t seem like a wanderer, you’re too clever to be one,” you explain with a smile on your face. Chris begins to chew on the inside of his cheek, and the skin has already been filled with bite marks and scars. At this point, he should tell you, right? You already know the deepest, most darkest pieces and part of him.

You’ll love him no matter what.

“Well, I wasn’t wandering. You’re so smart, little one. The smartest baby in the world!” he cheers and moves to get up. He sits in the empty spot next to you and lifts you into his lap. You’re still naked and Chris has his shirt off (as usual), so the skin-on-skin contact has you feeling even sleepier. “Sometimes, we lie to protect people. I lied, to protect you, along with many other people. Myself included, of course,” he starts.

“I was sent here with the sole purpose of bringing in your criminal neighbour,” he pauses “and I did.” You nod along with his words, your mind only allowing the most important phrases to sink in. “I arrested him around a month ago, and I was supposed to leave three weeks ago,” he sadly sighs. You look up in a panic, and you’re in shock. “Two weeks ago, I turned in my resignation. I’m not going anywhere,” he quickly adds and your face lights up.

“I’m staying with my best girl, okay?” Chris smiles and leans in to kiss you. You let him do so because God-damn, you’d let him do anything he wants to you. “T- Thank you so much, Daddy!” you squeal and hug him tightly. He laughs in a beautiful cacophony of sounds, and it’s right in your ear.

Chris feels a weight being lifted off his shoulders as you writhe around in his arms. You wiggle around on his hard cock and Chris suppresses a groan. His hands trail from your shoulders to your waist, down to your hips. Goosebumps erupt on your skin and excitement runs in your veins at his touch. Your head rolls back and you exhale shakily. He grips your hips tightly, and you involuntarily buck your hips against his crotch.

Both you and Chris moan before he moves both his hands to your ass. He gropes you roughly, feeling a bit of your wetness on his fingers. “Oh, baby… What’s all that for? Hm? Didn’t Daddy just eat your sweet little pussy out?” he asks in a slightly worried tone. “Y- Yeah… But I can’t help it, Daddy, you always make me so tingly…” you admit to him, shyly.

“Mmm, I like knowing I do this to you. Gets me so fucking hard,” he groans, slapping your ass. You yelp in surprise, but it gets cut off by a whimper. Chris caresses the hit skin and soothes you down from the shock. He smiles at you and then lands another hit. Then another, and then another.

The sting is addictive, just like he is. It leaves you writhing in both pain and pleasure and yet you still want more. “M- more, please,” you quietly beg and Chris coos at you as if you're a pet. And the truth isn’t far off. The coolness of his rings is both brutal and comforting. It soothes you yet acts as if they didn’t just hurt you. “You want more, baby?” he asks in that sweet yet sultry condescending tone of his.

You nod your head and chew on your bottom lip. “‘S too bad you’re gonna have to take what I give you and keep quiet, baby,” he husks, and you whine loudly. Chris flips your bodies around and suddenly you’re on your back, and he’s leaning over you. He locks lips with you and you try your hardest to keep up with the kiss.

His lips move sloppily against yours, but you don’t mind because you’ll take anything he gives you. You moan into true kiss and Chris wedges his knee between your legs. You’d hump him like a bunny because that’s what the demon on your shoulder is telling you to do. But the last time you did something without his permission, you weren’t allowed to make him come for a week.

You just know you’re soaking his jeans but neither of you cares. Chris kisses the corner of your mouth and trails down to your neck, peppering kisses behind as if he’s leaving a trail on your body for when he’s going to explore you later. The stubble on his cheeks and jaw tickles you and Chris falls even more in love with you as your laughter fills the air.

“D- Dada…” you whisper to him as you tilt your head back. His lips land on that sweet spot of yours and your back arches off the couch. Chris smiles against your skin and begins to suck on that sweet spot. Your breath hitches as he bites, licks and sucks on your skin. He marks you up like no other, and you know how much he loves to know that you’re all his.

“Dada… No teasing, please,” you sweetly ask in your soft tone. And how can he turn you down? “In a bit, little girl, be patient for Daddy.” Chris continues to mark you up until he’s satisfied. The feeling of his teeth against your neck and collar bones makes you even wetter than you already are. Possessiveness is carried in his movements, and it only drives you to be needier.

Chris moves further down from your collar bones to the valley of your breasts. Each curve of yours makes him want to sin without any repentance afterwards. He places a kiss there and then looks up at you. “Please, Daddy,” you whisper so quietly it takes him a few seconds to realize what you’ve said. Chris’s hand wraps around your body to your back.

He slowly unclasps your bralette and drags it away from your body at the same pace. You both maintain eye contact all whilst he undresses you to your vulnerability. Chris throws your bra somewhere behind him and places his hands on your body. “Aw, baby… You’re so cute and small,” he sweetly says in an almost shocking manner. Almost as if he doesn't use the size difference as a weapon to make you all soft and mushy.

“Hm, thank you, Daddy,” you tell him because good girls always have manners. “So good, using your manners for Daddy,” he praises, and you wonder if he can read your mind. Your Daddy can do anything, so it would be no surprise if he can. Chris sits upon his knees, but he remains in his towering position. Gently, and with care, he spreads your legs open until he’s satisfied.

He watches as you clench your needy pussy. He just knows your clit is throbbing, and you’re tingly because he just has that effect on you. “Poor baby… Is this all for Daddy?” he asks, and you quickly nod. “Say it, tell me it’s all because of me,” he growls placing his hands on your thighs. Chris slowly moves his hands further down your thighs. His touch is gentle, and he can feel the goosebumps on your thighs beginning to raise.

“‘S all yours, daddy. It’s all because of you,” you tell him breathlessly. “And this pussy is all mine, isn’t it, little girl?” he asks, inching closer to your wet pussy. “Mhm, only yours, Daddy!” you happily assure him, and he smirks at you. “That’s right, little girl. And since it’s all mine, doesn’t that mean I can do whatever I want with it?” he questions, and you nod with no hesitance at all.

Chris traces your wet pussy with his ring-donned pointer finger. “Oh my…” you gasp at the feeling. It may not be much, but your sensitive little pussy struggles to handle it. You clench around nothing again, and he watches, before chuckling at you. “Such a pretty pussy you have, baby, I can’t fucking wait to ruin it,” Chris growls, and you whimper. “Gonna fill you up with my cum after I fuck you, little girl,” he promises, and you never wanted to be fucked so badly until now.

He wonders if his cock could even fit inside you. Usually, he’d want to eat you out and finger you to prepare you. But he’s now thinking with what’s between his legs, and not what’s between his ears. He trails that same pointer finger on your pussy, and becomes mesmerized with the sight. Chris watches as your hole drools with want and need, whilst you watch him.

His already dark eyes are blown out with lust, and it only turns you on even more. Chris knows you’re watching him. He’s not one of the best agents in the FBI for no reason. He looks up at you, and you lock eyes with each other. He smirks and pulls his hand away from your pussy. You hold back a whine, but you still pout in disappointment. Chris begins to unbuckle his pants, and you’re filled with eagerness.

You smile widely, and he coos. “Aw, you’re such a desperate little slut, it’s adorable,” he chuckles, and you shy away. He pulls down his jeans along with his boxers slowly. Chris takes off his jeans and boxers completely, and throws them somewhere around the house. You watch as his cock bounces up and leaks with pre-cum. You just know he’s aching because of how red his cock is.

He’s big, and you already know that. But seeing him in all his naked glory is just something else. The simple yet not so simple idea of Chris’s cock being inside of you is electrifying. It’s both terrifying and exciting. He grabs the base of his cock and the prickly hair pokes the soft skin of his hands, but he doesn’t care. His left hand goes back to your pussy, and begins to rub circles on your clit.

“Oh… Daddy,” you moan quietly. The pleasure is almost overwhelming, so you involuntarily try to shut your legs and keep Chris out. Your knees touch for a brief moment, and he’s having none of that. He separates your legs and climbs on top of you, all while staring you directly in the eyes. His cock drags against your inner thigh. “Oh, is it too much for you, little one?” he asks with faux pity in his tone. You nod and clench your fists to control yourself.

“Too fucking bad, you’re gonna take whatever I give you, and you’re not gonna complain. Isn’t that right, little girl?” he sneers, and you gasp. Usually, you can’t handle someone who raises their voice in the slightest. But hearing Chris do it makes the butterflies in your stomach fly. “Yes, Daddy,” you hum delightfully, and he smiles. “Good girl,” he praises. Chris presses harder on your sensitive pearl of nerves and rubs you in faster circles.

“Daddy…” You moan and it goes straight to his cock. He looks up at you and just knows you’re beginning to drive up that cliff. He slows down his ministrations on your nub, and you bite back a loud whine. “You’re so needy, baby… Already so close to coming, it’s kind of pathetic…” he trails off and more wetness leaks out of you. You’re absolutely soaked and are a little bit ashamed of it.

“Please, Daddy! I’m so close, I’ll do anything,” you beg, but he just doesn’t buy it. “You’ll already do anything I tell you, baby, begging is so useless,” Chris chortles. You let out a small huff and move your hips in a circle, grinding against his thumb. In a flash of blurry moments, Chris pulls his hand away from your pussy and wraps around your neck. He squeezes the sides of your throat, and you gasp quite loudly.

He raises his eyebrow in warning, and you nod in understanding. “Good girl, I don’t want to put you over my knee when I’m feeling so gracious,” he assures, and you smile. Chris brings the tip of his cock to your swollen, needy clit and his pre-cum begins to mix with your wetness. You both moan softly as he rubs his tip on your clit. Your bottom lip finds a home between your teeth and Chris’s tongue swipes over his.

The sight and feeling of his cock on your silky pussy make him so weak in the knees. “Fuck, baby, do you like that? You like it when Daddy makes you feel good with his cock?” Chris asks in a deep, gravelly voice. “Yeah, Daddy… love it so much…” you tell him through a mushy haze of pleasure.

“You’re getting all dumb and stupid already? You’re so cute, little one,” he purrs, and you giggle at his words even though there’s nothing funny about them. “Do you want my cock, little baby? Say it, tell Daddy you want his cock,” he urges, and you look down to where you’re both nearly connected.

“I wan’ your cock, Daddy. Want it so bad, I need it, Daddy,” you beg, and Chris hums. “Just a little more, little girl, it’s like music to my ears,” he smirks, and you bite your bottom lip. “Sing for me, hummingbird,” he pushes, and you just go with whatever your neediness tells you to do.

“I wanna feel your cock deep inside me, Daddy. I want your cum to fill me up until I’m leaking and all stupid. Please, Daddy, please fuck me. I really want your cock, I need it,” you beg and blood rushes to his face and cock. “Fuck, yeah, I’ll give you my fucking cock, and you better take it like the good girl you are,” he growls, and you whimper. Chris slowly drags the fat tip of his shaft down to your drooling, slutty hole.

You whimper loudly, and he looks back at you. Fear is written all over that pretty face of yours, and Chris knows the exact reason why. “Don’t worry, baby, I’ll be gentle, okay? If you want to stop just say so, and I’ll listen. I won’t hurt you, darling. I promise,” he gently reassures you. You sigh with an almost heavy yet full heart.

You then nod and Chris thanks you for allowing him to fully make you his. “Wanna hold your hand, Dada… Please,” you ask pleasantly, and he nods. “In a bit, little girl, I just need to be careful,” he whispers. Chris slowly begins to push into your wet, tight cunt. You swallow him slowly, and the sight is mesmerizing.

The tightness of your cunt squeezes him in a strong hug, and he wishes he could be buried deep inside you for the rest of his life. “Fuck- Baby, you feeling so fucking good,” he moans while trying to compose himself. You’re still whimpering from the pain, and your chest is rising and falling at a fast pace.

“C- Can I push all the way in, little one? It’ll only hurt for a bit,” he asks, and he looks deep into your eyes. “Mhm… Wanna feel your cock deep inside me, Daddy, please,” you beg, and Chris tries his hardest not to come right here, right now. He thrusts his hips forward, and bottoms out inside you completely.

Your mouth falls open, and you’re silently screaming. The pain isn’t too much, but you feel as though the wind is being knocked out of you. Chris shifts a bit, and that’s when you start to feel it more. He’s so deep inside you, and he’s splitting you in two. “Breathe, baby, breathe,” he says.

You realize you’re holding your breath and it’s no wonder why your heart was beating out of your chest. “You’re doing so- so well, darling. Your little cunny looks so nice when it’s stuffed full with my cock,” he groans, and you whimper. “Dada, is hurtin’...” you whisper, and Chris wants to pull out because he can’t stand the thought of his little girl being hurt.

“Do you want me to stop, little one?” he asks, but you quickly shake your head in objection. Even though the pressure in your core is dwindling, and even though you feel a little too full, you don’t want him to stop. “No stopping, Daddy, please,” you whine and flail your arms towards him. He shushes you soothingly, and you calm down as soon as he flashes a stern look.

The pain soon burns away into nothing but dust and ash, and you finally see why he was so desperate to shove his cock inside of your cunt. It turns into pleasure and your pussy leaks around him. You’re soaking Chris’s cock with no shame at all. “Oh, fuck, baby… You feel so fucking good,” he moans, and you follow with a gasp. “I like the way y- you feel inside me, Daddy, makes me all tingly…” you admit shyly, and Chris chuckles.

“Yeah? Bet it makes you want to be fucked stupid, right, baby?” he questions with a playful smirk on his face. “Yes, Daddy,” you moan. You’re never aware of your surroundings because you’re too caught up in the moments. It’s something Chris scolds you for, but you never learn. But in this moment, you can feel everything. The veins on his cock throb against your silky walls, and you can feel his balls against your ass. His hot breath fans over you as Chris struggles to compose himself.

He slowly drags his hips backwards, pulling out of your pussy until his tip is the only thing in your cunt. The sudden almost-emptiness is surprising, but you quickly get used to it. Chris then pushes back into your pussy, and you moan loudly. “Fucking hell, little one,” he curses under his breath as he bottoms out again. He begins to fuck into you slowly and gently, careful to not hurt you. Even if he wants to fuck you until you’re crying.

The sound of skin on skin is quiet and almost unintelligible. The squelching sounds from your wet pussy and moans fill the room. Chris gently grips your hips and watches as your face contorts into a frown of pleasure and not pain. “Daddy…” you pant softly as you look up at Chris. “Yeah, baby? Am I hurting you?” he asks out of worry. “N-No, it feels so good…” you trail off as one particular thrust lands near your g-spot. And he knows that.

“Wan’ you to fuck me hard, wan’ you to destroy me, Daddy. Please fuck me like the slut I am…” you gently beg and Chris halts his thrusts. His cock twitches inside of you because of your words. Only he can corrupt an innocent angel such as yourself. “Shit- Little one, I don’t want to hurt you, that’s why I’m being so gentle,” Chris explains, but you shake your head. “You could never hurt me, Daddy. Please, I need you,” you beg for one last time, unaware of what you’ve done to him.

Chris roughly pushes his cock back into your cunt without warning. “Awe, I see. My little princess wants to be fucked like the whore she is, hm? Well, whatever princess wants, she gets,” he growls because beginning to fuck you roughly. You moan loudly at the feeling as with each thrust, his cock pummels against your sweet spot roughly. His pelvic bone rubs against your swollen clit and his grip on your hips tightens.

“Daddy!” you cry out as Chris pounds into your poor pussy. The room fills with moans, groans, curse words and wet sounds that all come from the art you two are making. “Aw, what’s wrong, little girl? Can’t take daddy’s cock anymore? Hm? Well, I don’t really give a fuck, you’re just gonna lie there, and take what I give you like a good fucking girl,” he sneers, and you push at his chest.

“It’s so sensitive!” you wail like a little bitch in heat. “But I bet you don’t want me to stop, do you?” Chris asks as a moan bleeds past his plump lips. “Uh-uh, please don’t stop, Daddy!” you squeal after a harsh thrust. The stretch of Chris’s cock is amazing, and you never want the feeling to stop. Chris’s hand leaves your hip and crawls all the way up to your neck. He wraps his fingers around your throat, and squeezes the sides, making you clench tightly around his big, thick cock.

He lowers his face to yours and watches as you react to the way he’s being rough with you. “Oh, God!” you cry out as he makes his thrusts more powerful. “Actually, it’s just ‘Daddy’, but I’m fine with that too,” he slyly smirks. You’re too fucked out to even laugh at his joke. Your eyes roll back into your skull and your back begins to arch off of the couch.  “Awe, are you gonna come around my big fat cock already, slut? How cute,” Chris mocks.

You nod your head and begin babbling like a baby. “But remember, little girl, I have to give you permission to come, okay?” he reminds you, and you whine. Chris’s hand around your throat moves up to grab your jaw, and he stops thrusting into you. “None of that is allowed. Don’t forget your place, little girl,” Chris warns with fury seething through his words. You mumble an apology, trying to formulate the proper words to speak.

“Seems like I really did fuck you stupid,” he chuckles, and you moan at his words. You clamp down on his cock, tempting him to do what you want, like a siren using her voice to lure men into the sea. “Open your mouth up first, little girl,” he orders, and you obediently listen. The searing arousal in your core begins to fade away, and you feel a panic beginning to rise inside you.

Chris drags his hand back down to your throat and rests it there. You watch as he puckers his lips up, and suddenly, he spits into your mouth. You open your mouth even wider and stretch your tongue out. His saliva lands directly on your tongue, and you wait for further instructions before you give in to your desires.

“Swallow it, little girl,” he instructs, and you do exactly so. You open your mouth back up just to earn some praise. “Good fucking girl. The best baby ever,” he smiles and presses a kiss to your forehead. “Thank you, Daddy! … Can I have cummies now?” you lovingly ask your Daddy.

“Of course, little one,” he says as he smiles down at you. Chris begins to fuck into you again, deep and hard. With each thrust, he pounds your g-spot and his balls slap against your ass. His remaining hand on your hip moves down to your clit, rubbing your little button with rough circles.

“Daddy… ‘m gonna come!” you moan loudly and Chris fucks you harder. “Come one, baby, come all over my big cock like the good girl you are,” he urges. The building feeling inside you increases, and you feel yourself getting closer to your release. “Fucking come, little girl, wanna hear you sing for me,” he growls. And with one specific thrust, you find yourself coming undone beneath him.

The sight is so fucking beautiful. Watching you as your eyes turn up, your mouth falls open and your cunt hugging his cock just gets him going, and he wishes he could take a picture of you right now. “D- Daddy! Oh, my-” You cut yourself off with a loud moan and Chris keeps on rubbing your clit and fucking you through your orgasm.

You soak his cock until it’s dripping and even then you’re still coming. You moan loudly and Chris can feel himself getting closer to his orgasm. His balls begin to tighten up and a droplet of sweat drips from his neck down to his chest. “Daddy, are you gonna come?” you sweetly ask as he fucks you through your orgasm whilst chasing his own.

“Yeah, baby, Daddy’s gonna fill you up with his cum. I’m gonna leave you leaking with my seed,” Chris growls as he fucks you faster. “Please, Daddy… Please, I want your cum so badly! Please fill me up with your cum, Daddy,” you beg and Chris tosses his head back.

“Fuck, yes, yes yes,” he shouts as his balls tighten up again. He quickens his pace until white, hot, thick ropes of cum spurts out from his aching tip. He fulfills his promise and your wish, filling you up with his cum until there’s nothing left. His cum mixes with your juices as he paints your walls with no expertise whatsoever. Chris slumps on top of your body, engulfing you in a bear hug as his cock remains buried inside of you.

You’re both panting and struggling to come down from the euphoric feelings. You look up at Chris make lock eyes with him for the nth time. There’ll never be a day where you don’t get lost in his eyes. They’re beautiful, absolutely beautiful. “You did so fucking good, little one,” he praises, pressing a kiss to the side of your head.

“Thank you very, very much, Daddy,” you slur, feeling yourself beginning to sleep into little space. “Daddy?” you call out, tapping his bicep after a few seconds. “Yeah, baby?” he asks, lifting himself up to get a better view of your face. “Will you really stay?” you ask with a bit of worry in your voice. He sighs with a full heart.

“Always.”

[chemicalpink]

Pairing: Jungkook x Female reader

Words: 4.7k

Genre: smut, angst, fluff if you squint really hard, childhood friends to lovers AU

Warnings: unprotected sex, bathroom sex, infidelity, JK is a heartthrob that is bad at feelings, YN realises she’s been in love with JK all along.

A/N: this is me trying to write longer fics, I liked how this one came out yayyy. This goes out to the @thebtswritersclub​ monthly prompt _____ to lovers, in this case it’s childhood friends to lovers. I just- I really liked how it came out, I’m so excited to know what you guys think of it.

Summary: Falling in love is such a curious thing in life, Jungkook would know best, after pinning over you for years on end, only to have his best friend take away his opportunity, or does he?

The sun was shining brightly over the park as you made your way down the slide, hot skin scorching at the contact with the yellow plastic, although you couldn’t bring yourself to care as much as your mother would, meeting Sungho at the end of it, who was covering his eyes as best as his arms would allow him to do, summer was almost coming to an end and you two had decided to spend every single second of it together, much to both of your mothers’ dismay who had long decided to take turns to tire both of you out by the neighbourhood park, nothing too exciting, if it weren’t for your young imaginative minds combined, which turned you into the closest a six year old could get to being a menace.

As you smiled brightly at your friend, you couldn’t help but turn your head towards an almost inaudible whimper coming from the shaded side of the park, finding a kid around your age plopped down by the tree, desperately drying his eyes with the back of his hand, small sobs coming out of his lips as three other kids, which you knew to be a little older than you and quite disrespectful at that, kept laughing at the boy, so really, what else were you supposed to do if not come in to save the day. “Come on Y/N they’ll make fun of us too” Sungho said as he tried to tug you away, only to have you stand your ground firmly

“If they make fun of me, I won’t cry” you crossed your arms stubbornly over your chest

“Y/N let’s just go”

“You go, Sungho” Sungho was always the type of kid that your mother kept reminding you to be more like, always righteous, never picking fights like you were known to do, but you really couldn’t stand watching the mysterious kid crying by himself while no one else did anything in the slightest. So you stood between him and the three kids that were still making fun of him, head high, fists up by your sides in a superhero pose “You shouldn’t make fun of others”

“Why don’t we make fun of both of you then, Y/N?”

“At least I can put my shirt shirt when I’m dressing myself, Areum” the girl looked down for half a second before staring you down, full of rage before huffing and turning around in true mean girl fashion.

You turn back to find a pair of bambi eyes staring at you, sobs silenced, although his chest still showed him trying to fully catch his breath. You extend your hand for him to take it so that he could stand up “I’m Y/N what’s your name?”

“I’m Jungkook” you were quick to grab his arm and pull him to where Sungho had watched the whole scene with Areum, now staring at the way you dragged the slightly shorter boy towards him

“Well Jungkook, this is Sungho and I just decided that all of us three are going to be best friends forever” the small boy smiled at that, bunny teeth showing in the process, eyes sparkly with wonder and pure appreciation, contrasting the look on Sungho’s face.

“Y/N I think you need to have girl friends to have these sleepovers with, Jungkook and I are boys” Sungho says as soon as you pass him the mirror and he is left staring at his reflection with a ton of glitter eyeshadow on his face, you turn to look at Jungkook, who is currently sprawled out playing with his nintendo, a set of pigtails adoring his head along with the hottest pink lipstick you could find

“I don’t mind it” he stuffed his mouth with chips as he continued to play on his console, not sparing any of you a look, although you smiled at him fondly, grateful to have him play along whenever Sungho didn’t feel like it, which seemed to be more and more as all of you grew older.

“Well I’m going to take this off” he said as he ran into the bathroom to wash his face. Good luck trying to get rid of glitter.

You huffed out a sigh at how boring it was getting if Sungho didn’t like to play your games, along with Jungkook being stuck inside his own little world. “This is so boriiiing”

“It was your idea Y/N”

“Yeah but you guys are no fun”

Jungkook pauses his game to turn to look at you “We can watch a movie if you’d like”

If someone were to tell 6 year old you that twelve years later, the kid that used to make fun of you would turn into your best friend, you would have probably laughed in their face, although as years went by, Areum had finally gotten better in terms of personality, up to the point where she had a full on talk with you before you decided to give it a try, even more so as she now took it as her job to protect you in high school, seeing as she was a year older than you.

“Jungkook has changed” the brunette said while taking a seat next to you inside the cozy smoothie shop, crumpling up her receipt inside her bag distractedly as you just stared at her, not knowing what had prompted her to talk about your best friend, Jungkook wasn’t exactly what one would consider popular, especially amongst the higher grades, especially not given the bickering grudge he held against Areum after all those years.

“What do you mean?”

“Just- seems like before summer he was this scrawny little thing, deer eyes, soft smiles” you looked at her intently, Jungkook had gone on vacation with his family for weeks as soon as finals were over, leaving with the promise of hanging out for the few days before school started again, similar to how you were now hanging out with Areum, her having arrived back a few hours before Jungkook “Now- well”

There were a million thoughts running inside your mind, some seemingly more plausible than others, tow hich yopu found yourself asking “Areum, did you fuck Jungkook?”

“I mean- we were both staying at the same hotel Y/N” Areum sipped on heir smoothie as a way to act coy about it, wide eyes turned the other way at the prospect of having said out loud that her latest conquest was none other than little Jungkook, the guy she had always made fun of for one or another reason

“Oh god you slept with Jungkookie” and you really tried to picture her, accepted into college, beautiful Areum, long lean legs, model faced Areum, flirt queen that always seemed to go for older guys Areum, paired up with sweet Jungkookie, sure, your best friend was cute, handsome even, there was no denying it, he was just not- Areum level handsome, Areum liked going out to party, let men shower her in drinks while Jungkook absolutely loved staying home battling Sungho in the newest video game that was around “I-I have no words”

“Y/N- Y/N don’t judge until you’ve tapped it” your friend seemed to space out for a second, as if looking back at her time with Jungkook, dreamily. “The guy got buff”

And sure he did, not only did Jungkook was now full of muscle, he also apparently had renewed his wardrobe, bought a motorcycle and apparently had even grown a few centimeters taller, or at least that much was said by Sungho as you three met up for lunch the day before classes started again, trying to catch up as you did every year when the three of you didn’t get a chance to hang out much.

“So are we getting that newly released game Kook?” Sungho mentioned in what appeared to be the background, your eyes completely fixated on whomever the man sitting in front of you was, definitely not your best friend Jungkook.

“Nah dude, I sold all my consoles and games to buy my bike” your eyes widened at the confession, probably mirroring the uttermost shocked look that Sunho was also sporting. Jeon Jungkook selling his videogames was definitely a sign of the apocalypse. You were about to make a comment before you heard a very familiar voice behind you, making you turn your head towards it.

“Jungkookie, you wanted me to come over?” her eyes had that sparkle in them which you have come to recognise as her being infatuated by someone, even if she didn’t really talked about it openly, you turned towards Jungkook in disbelief

“Yeah, Areum, lose my number”

You consciously close your mouth at the exchange as Areum backed away from the table muttering an ‘oh..okay’ as Jungkook smiled daily at her, your eyes lock in surprise with Sungho’s, both of you silently agreeing that this Jungkook was certainly a new side neither of you could yet guess whether or not you would continue to be able to befriend, although the history between the three of you spoke volumes.

And just like that, enough to get whiplash from it, Jungkook’s lazy uninterested eyes were replaced by the squinty smile you had learned to adore over the years, bunny teeth showing as his laugh resonated in the restaurant “Oh god you guys should have seen your faces!”

Your eyes travelled along the expanse of the space you three were in, looking at Sungho for a clue to pick up about what was happening, coming up empty handed as he spoke first “Dude I almost had a heart attack, I thought you had sold your games!”

“Oh no that I did” Jungkook took a sip out of his drink calmly

You tried not to show how nothing made sense in your mind “And that thing with...Areum?”

He placed his cup down, looking at you with wide eyes humming softly “Yeah that was a thing too, she’s been texting me non stop after we hooked up. I’m just glad I’m back with you guys”

So Jungkook had changed, that much was true, just not as much as he let people believe. Sure enough, the guy was now pure muscle, rode a bike everywhere, and made it his lifeplan to conquer as many girls as his schedule allowed him too; he also made a few other friends outside of your friends' circle, enough for rumours to go around about him being involved in shady business, or him hooking up with somebody’s mum. Either way, if you were to turn a blind eye to his social persona, Jungkook was still your and Sungho’s little Jungkookie, bambi wide eyes that teared up whenever it was movie night and you picked some chick flick, bunny teeth and loud giggles as he played a prank on Sungho, even though you could tell his heart just wasn’t in it as it was before.

“I’m gonna ask Y/N out” Sungho has asked Jungkook to meet him outside of campus on the first weeks of college as all three of you decided to attend together, uninterested on whatever it was that he was about to tell him, but trying to keep up his fractured friendship with the man (and you) he had shown up, even so a little fashionably late to make his point clear.

“And you’re telling me this because..”

“I don’t want to make it awkward, Jeon” Jungkook scoffs before rolling his eyes at Sungho “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you little boy crush on her for years”

“What I think you haven’t noticed is that I don’t do feelings” Jungkook retorts as he approaches him “And although I find Y/N to be quite fuckable if you ask me, I appreciate her enough not to put her in a weird place like you’re about to do, asshole”

Once weeks rolled around, things kept on being as the were after that fateful summer where Jungkook completely reinvented himself, even as semesters came and went, Jungkook grew a bit more separate from both Sungho and yourself, although it became a little harder to discern whether it was because of Jungkook or due to the fact that Sungho and you had started dating during the first semester of college. Sungho had no real answer to give you when asked about it, saying that outside of the scheduled movie night you three kept on sharing, he barely even texted Jungkook on his own.

“I heard your girl is getting married” his friend said as he handed him an opened beer, taking his place back against his bike in the middle of the night after some race they had gone to near the outskirts of Seoul.

Jungkook took a swing out of the bottle, squinting at the questionable choice in alcohol “I don’t have a girl Jihoon”

“Oh? Then what’s Y/N?'' he felt the blood draining from his face, heart heavy, breath hitching inside his throat as soon as your name left his lips. Of fucking course Sungho would try to marry you before you graduated. That bastard.

It was quite funny really, Jungkook knew from the very start, back when all three of you had 6 years old and you had saved him from a set of mean kids in the park, that Sungho was never fond of him, or rather, of the relationship you had developed with him, sure, the two men had bonded over a few shared interests as they grew up, but the only thing that kept them together was you. Sometimes Jungkook guesses it could have been him instead of Sungho, asking you out, sharing nights together, even being about to get married. But those thoughts were only wishful thinking, he had long ago decided that you deserved so much more than what he could give you, what with his eternal fear and inability to give himself up to others. So he had let you go, never thinking about the possibility of Sungho taking a place he wasn't worthy of either.

"Good for her"

It wasn't long after learning that you were engaged, that the invitation arrived to his apartment, just a few days after graduation. It wasn't really a surprise anymore, even back when he first heard the news, it wasn't that surprising, he guessed it was the years of knowing both you and Sungho, learning your patterns, that he had somehow seen it coming. It didn't make it any less hard to wish you weren't about to walk down the aisle to a man that wasn't him though. But he kept repeating to himself to stop being selfish, he had lost his chance, not that he ever had one to begin with, but as long as you were happy, he would be too.

And you really did seem happy, so he was willing to just ignore the way that his chest seemed to constrict every time your eyes locked on his from across the room as the rehearsal dinner, you were sporting a gorgeous emerald dress, the same colour as when you two first met eighteen years back, his mind spinning with impossible scenarios as each minute that passed really just turned out to be a minute closer to watch you walk down the aisle to another man, one that was supposed to be his best friend at that.

“Bride’s or groom’s” A sweet female voice called him as he sipped on his fifth? sixth? champagne flute, finding a woman staring at him with what he has come to recognise as lust.

“Eh.. you could say both”

A glimpse of recognition could be seen in her eyes before she spoke again “You must be Jungkook then, the overseeked bachelor”

“In the flesh” He smirked at her as she took a hold of his hand, guiding him upstairs to where you and your soon to be husband had booked bridesmaids and groomsmen alike for the night. Not that the blonde had anything to do with how utterly horrible he was feeling about the whole wedding situation but perhaps fucking his frustrations out would help just a little.

Jeon Jungkook was never the one to stick around until morning, that much was true, and although he might be known for a varying of unspeakable things, nothing could have prepared him for what he had to witness at ungodly hours.

He picked up the rest of his clothing after half dressing himself, not even sparing a second glance at the woman that was laying on her bed peacefully, careful not to make more sounds than the inherently necessary, his curiosity is peaked as he hears faintly moaning and skin slapping skin coming from the room next door, seeing the door barely open, and against his better judgement he peeks inside only to feel his heart pounding against his chest, blood rushing inside his ears as he can’t seem to look away from the image presented to him. Sungho, your soon to be husband, the one that he used to consider his best friend for years on end, the oh so righteous Sungho, ever morally correct Sungho, bending your other so-called best friend and maid of honour, Areum, over the comforter as he fucked into her. A few hours before he got married to you. After everything that he had put him through, making him believe that it was in your best interest top let you go, that he should have handed you over to him, that he was the best option out of the two of you to build a life with.

Jungkook sees red and doesn’t quite remember anything other than Areum running out of the room as he punches Sungho in the face, receiving some punches back.

“You absolutely disgust me”

The bastard has the guts to laugh at him “You know, Jeon” he goes to inspect his face in the mirror “If you burst Y/N’s bubble, you’ll forever be remembered as the stupid little boy that was jealous enough on her wedding day to ruin her life”

Jungkook clenches his fists by his side before deciding to turn his heels and leave the room, vision still blurry in anger, breathing ragged, a small trickle of blood making its way down from his eyebrow as he almost automatically walked himself to the other side of the hostel where he knew you must have been resting, taking a few too many second to decide to knock on the door.

“Jungkook? What are you- oh god” sleep seems to leave you as soon as your eyes lock on his beat up face, him smiling at you in a futile attempt to have you not worry that much about his well being, but of course you were already searching for a first aid kit as he took a seat on your bed “Jungkookie, what happened?”

And perhaps he didn’t think it through that much, but he couldn’t let you walk yourself into a marriage blinded by the persona Sungho had always made you believe he was. “Y/N” he took your hands in his, stopping you from rubbing any more antiseptic into his cut “You’ll hear,a nd probably have already heard, too much shit about me”

His eyes beg you to stare at him intently, and although the whole scenario had you giggling out of nervousness, it soon died down “Kook, what are you talking about?”

“Y/N- Sungho is not the man he’s made us think he is” your eyes scan his face for any more clues on what he’s saying a syou feel a beeping sound closing in on your ears, overwhelmed by the situation “And he’ll probably say this is me just being a jealous asshole after being in love with you for more than half of my living years but-”

You stare at him in horror as your hands remove themselves from his hold as if he was burning, standing up from where you were seated next to him, feeling your whole world being crushed down a few hours before what was supposed to be the happiest day of your life “No” you take a step back as you hold your chest, feeling hot tears welling up in your eyes “Jungkook please don’t do this shit to me”

“Y/N just- don’t marry Sungho” somehow he had willed his voice to remain calm

Your head shook fervently at him, as if somehow the action would make him retreat his words “Sungho loves me, Jungkook”

His eyes were ice cold at your words “He loves you enough to fuck Areum a few hours before making you his wife”

He really didn’t mean the bite on his words as he said them, this had nothing to do with you and everything to do with that asshole you called finacé, so he could completely understand when through your tears, chest heavy with rage and head spinning you asked “Please leave”

And he did.

Everything seemed like a fever dream. The words that Jungkook had said, the implication that it had. And really, if it weren’t for the fact that Jungkook was gone from the whole ordeal, you could have sworn your life that it was nothing other than a nightmare, Areum was as bubbly as ever, helping you get ready. Sungho’s good morning text still found its way into your inbox. Jungkook had not only accused you fiancé of cheating, but had said he had always been in love with you, no further proof to his words, so you decided to go as planned, yet you found yourself hyper aware of every move Sungho made, especially when they involved Areum.

You stood in your pristine white dress in front of a couple dozens of guests as traditional words were spoken, your mind a thousand miles away as you kept on looking towards the door, hoping that maybe, just maybe, they would open up, Jungkook would show up and stop you from making what could potentially be the worst mistake of your life.

"If anyone objects to the marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace." your eyes trail to the soor, yearning to hear Jungkook’s voice amidst the otherwise silent chapel, but it never came.

“Hey, Y/N come dance with us,” one of your bridesmaids say as the night progresses after dinner, some loud beat taking over the venue at the reception, making everyone stand up to dance, including your now-husband as you find yourself sulking sitting on your designated table.

“I’m fine, you go” you try to flash her the biggest smile you can as she goes, leaving you once again with your thoughts. Thoughts that mainly involved Jungkook, figuring that after all these years, life had managed to finally separate you, heart yearning to have him close to you, the more you became aware of your current life path, the more you realised what a humongous mistake you had made. You had always thought that marrying Sungho would give you a sense of utter happiness, of fulfillment, whether what Jungkook said was true or not, as you watched your husband having the time of his life without you. If he were Jungkook, he would be seated right by your side.

Jeon Jungkook, as deviated as he appeared to be to everyone, as much as he slept around, he had demonstrated to be the most loyal human being by your side up until the last second of your friendship, unlike Sungho, he had always been interested in what you wanted to do, had always let your voice be heard, had helped you through rough times when Sungho was nowhere to be seen, perhaps you had chosen the wrong best friend to fall in love with a few years ago, the wrong man in your life to marry. It had been Jungkook all along. It could have been Jungkook all along.

Your eyes fixate on the way that Sungho whispers something on Areum’s ear and you feel your blood boil, more out of self-pity and annoyance at letting such a man manipulate you rather than jealousy as you stand up to make your way to the bathroom, in hopes of freshening up before coming up with a plan to fix this mistake.

You sigh as you hold yourself up by the sink, looking at yourself in the mirror, pondering just how deep you’ll have to dig to come out of the mess when you hear an all too familiar deep chuckle behind you “So you realised”

You turn your back to the mirror to face Jungkook “That Sungho was an asshole or that I’m in love with you?”

His eyes turn into those deeply surprised deer shape you remember from when he was younger for a split second before they’re filled with something else between lust and deep appreciation as he backs you up further against the sink, a tattooed hand coming up to your chin “Does that mean I get to kiss you with no regrets now?”

“Would you kiss a married woman, Jungkook?” you ask playfully, matching the brattiness in his tone

“Only the ones whose husbands are assholes” and so his lips capture yours in a sweet quick kiss that has you wrapping your arms around his neck, leaning in once again, escalating from a very much due kiss filled with words that are unable to be said, into a fiery pit in the low of your stomach at the prospect of kissing Jungkook while still being in your wedding dress, just a few hours married and kissing another man.

Jungkook’s hands have abandoned their place on your figure in favour of trying to undo the little buttons on the back of your dress, breaking the kiss to complain “God just how many buttons does this dress have?”

Soon enough your dress lays forgotten on the floor, matching lingerie covering your body as Jungkook has most of your body up against the mirror, panties aside in favour of having him fingering you, arms almost failing to keep you upright as he mouths at your skin, moans escaping your lips regularly as he pumps and curls his fingers inside you, lewd noises taking reverbating on the small bathroom’s walls, a faint trail of bass coming in from the party “God you’re so perfect Y/N” he grunted as you heard his zipper coming down before feeling the tip of his cock teasing your entrance, his hand coming up to grip your hair making you face the mirror, makeup completely wrecked, the sight almost unrecognisable to you, a slight burning but pleasurable sensation on your scalp “I bet that bastard Sungho wouldn’t be able to wreck you like this” without further notice entering you from behind, your walls clenching against him as you felt him slowly but firmly making his way in and out of you at a building rapidly pace, a moan slipping past your lips and Jungkook shushing you in exchange as he increases his speed and you bit your lip to forbid any noises from coming out, afraid of being heard even when you knew it would be almost impossible to do so over the loud party noises, this bathroom being so far away from it.

Jungkook had placed your right leg up the sink, hitting an even deeper spot that had you building your orgasm at an incredible speed, throwing your head back in pleasure, feeling him completely inside you as heat pooled in your lower belly.

“K-Kook I’m gonna-ah! I’m gonna cum” a few flicks on your clit with his expert fingers as he helped you keep yourself upright did the trick as Jungkook made sure to somehow thrust even deeper, a loud moan scaping you as he spilled his warm seed inside you, quickly adjusting back his boxers and trousers as one of his fingers collected some cum that was dripping down your thigh to push it back in, letting go of you to hold yourself up against the sink, pulling your panties back in place.

“Think that counts as a wedding gift?” he turns to leave the bathroom, leaving you heaving to haphazardly step inside your dress as you trail behind him, finding him resting against a wall, his bike roaring a few meters away as he smiles your way knowingly as he puts on his helmet, throwing another one your way "So.. all ready to leave that asshole of a husband now or should I wait another 15 years?"