#sexism in the industry

[orenji-iro-no-sora]

We all know that haikyuu is packed with life lessons, especially about growth and competition but one of the things that brought me so much comfort in life is the story of Miya twins. Both Osamu and Atsumu were hard workers but what differentiated them when it comes to volleyball prowess was their priorities. Osamu being a naturally gifted athlete was a major push in Atsumu's life; they made each other better (and worse in some ways). But it was Atsumu's choice to become a professional player and a great setter that pulled him ahead. Atsumu was dedicated to it and if Osamu wanted he could've reached the same skill level (or maybe even more).

Basically as long as you love and want something enough, despite there being "better" people out there, you'll reach greatness in your own right. And I think it's beautiful that consistent effort, even if it takes longer than "natural talent" (which is a topic for another day), will get you where you want to be.

Also, you can be good at something and even have potential to be greater and yet not choose it. You don't HAVE TO pursue anything just because it's expected or even possibly the most natural course for you to take. What matters is what you love.

[i-used-to-be-an-anti-feminist]

Makeup-free women, please help!!

So I haven't worn makeup in years, and I don't know if I should break that streak for my job interview tomorrow. Unfortunately, I know that people are subconsciously primed to view makeup-free women as less professional. I am desperate to end my unemployment before my severance payments run out, and I'm debating playing the game and just wearing makeup to increase my chances. But also, the thought of putting makeup on after so long hurts in a way that I don't have adequate words for and feels a little like comprising my ideals. What would you do?

[intersectionalpraxis]

Women will never win.

We're 'ugly' if we don't adhere to white supremacist western hegemonic beauty standards and yet we're fake/vain/vapid/plastic hearted if we do go under the knife or get cosmetic procedures done because of the ways in which we are taught cross-culturally that we must place value on our appearances or no one (aka men) will find us lovable, desirable, or worthy of attention and respect.

We are encouraged to change or enhance ourselves constantly by mainstream media and the beauty industry (especially by those trashdashians), and depending on which industries shake hands with these mentalities to fully exploit those insecurities that are taught to us from the time we learned what would happen if we CHOOSE to walk alone at night -that if we do no matter what some fucking person will have something to say... and in this case a plastic surgeon whose entire business relies on these ageist and sexist double standards when it comes to one's looks because goodness forbid we don't look 25 at 50.

I don't care if these women look mature or older for their age and neither should anyone else. Watching this video was just another painful reminder that women can be put on blast by anyone and our societies often just accept it and laugh at it without critically unpacking those feelings/reactions.

[daisiesonafield-blog]

For everyone who thinks Harry (or any celeb) doesn’t need PR 🥴

link

[goldenhallyu]

Why Sulli is one of my biggest inspirations

Hello i'd like to share some of the reasons why Sulli (aka Jinri) is one of my favorite people in the korean entertainment industry and why she is such an inspiring woman. I also provided links to several articles so you can read more in depth about certain amazing things she's done.

!Note that south korea is a highly conservative and misogynistic country. Especially in the idol industry, women are judged for every single little thing they do. Sulli however decided to lean against the standards set for female idols and always did as she pleased and what she thought was right. It's sad that only now after she passed netizens are being nice and supportive towards her. I'd like to share some of the reasons why she was such an inspirational woman and why she should never be forgotten!

1.Going Braless . Sulli didn't like wearing bras

and would often post pictures of herself while not wearing one. Of course this shouldn't be considered an issue at all but even western countries often still take offense to it fsm so obviously highly conservative korea was very unhappy about her decision and would send her lots of hate and call her vulgar names for it. She never stopped doing it though.

2. Abortion Rights

Sulli is pro choice! She celebrated South Korea changing their anti abortion laws which ofc was yet another reason for people to hate her.

3. Raised awareness on her public instagram about comofort women and showed her sympathy despite knowing she'll make her japanese fans upset by shedding light on it .

Japanese people often don't like to acknowlage their war crimes and felt very offended by Sulli for talking about it on her social media. Being the woman supporting feminist she is, she thought it was an important topic to discuss and posted about it regardless.

4. Openly shared her relationship

Dating is often completly banned for kpop idols altogether and only few dare to make their relationship public. Only in recent years have idols slowly starting sharing their relationship status. But back then idols tried their absolute hardest to hide that they're dating in fear of facing MASSIVE backlash, sometimes even receiving death threats. Yet Sulli openly posted photos of her and her now ex boyfriend on her instagram like any other normal person would.

5. Openly expressed her sexuality

making her own choices on when or how she decides to be sexy, taking all power from netizens sexualizing her against her will. This is a big issue in the idol industry, especially due to conservative views, a woman openly showing herself to be a self empowered sexual individual is looked down upon and seen as offensive. Netizens often called her mentally unstable, dirty, nasty and a wh*re for simply not wearing a bra or showing cleavage (which is quite scandalous in korea) or taking sexy photos as an adult woman! She talked about this and the double standards in depth in Persona:Sulli!

6. Defended herself

It's very rare for idols to stand up for themselves especially in such a blunt, forward way. Usually when idols have to apologize for the most mundane stuff, an official apology is issued through the agency but Sulli always took matters into her own hands.

7. Endured a massive amount of hate and ultimately left f(x) for the sake of protecting herself from hate and persuing her true artistic visions

She was constantly harrassed from her "attitude" to her looks, her views, her behavior and her talents.

8. Publicly discussed mental health, inlcuding her own struggles,

and based her solo debut around DiD. Mental Health was and still is very stigmatised in South Korea. While it's slowly changing, talking about such things back then was seen as highly controversial and people wouldn't be very understanding at all. Moreover netizens would think of idols to be ungrateful if they'd ever talked about their struggles.

9. Just overall always supported women and their rights. (girls supporting girls shirt, talked about being a feminist and wanting women to be equal on tv and defending fellow female idols).

Again, with Korea being a very conservative and sexist country, people sent her a massive amount of hate (mostly men) for speaking up about womens rights. This still happens to other female idols today when they declare themselves to be feminists.

10. Was unapoligeticly herself no matter what.

Always showing her personality and interests and voicing her opinions. She loved showing everyone how fun loving and free spirited she is . All she ever wanted was to be loved by others but she still didn't want to change her identity for others to do so.

11. Loved herself and her beauty

and would also voice it yet she was never arrogant or felt like she was better than anyone because she's pretty (Persona:Sulli)

12. She critizised the idol industry and the publics treatment towards idols (see Persona:Sulli)

13. Sent a low income student a feminine hygiene package for free

and planned to regulary send out packages to girls who couldn't afford to buy these products themselves. Unfortunatly she passed away before she had the chance to do so.

Theres so much more to Sulli. But these are some of the main points as to why I love her so much.

She endured the tremendous amount of hate for such a long time and despite feeling hurt she always remained true to herself. She struggled a lot but always continued doing what she thought was right and didn't apologize for simply living her life and being a feminist.

[hussyknee]

cant put my finger on it, but Taylor Swift feels like walking racial microaggression

[just-an-enby-lemon]

I think we need more stories about how even if you are genuinally a bad person or did something truly atrocious that does not justify the suffering of the mordern Prison Industrial Complex and how prison more than punishment should be about making sure if not all at least most people can go back to society and never do crimes again.

I mean it. Most stories about how bad prison is either follows a thief that did it out of necessity or an innocent man wrongfully arrested and we should think of those people ofc. But we should also think about how prison is not supposed to be karma is supposed to help society (plus we need more assistencial programs to suport victims of violence as well asap).

[inkskinned]

you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.

(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)

but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.

(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)

there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.

(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)

you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.

(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)

you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.

in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.

but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.

they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.

it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.

[redditreceipts]

as it seems, women had better international solidarity in the 1980s than they have now

On the sign in the middle, it says: "Stop the export of Norwegian Sex buyers"

Here is an article from that time:

and the best thing: The women's organisation won the trial! (and Norway has adopted the Swedish model by now)

(source for the first article, source for the second article)

[soracities]

Hi! So I tried not to say anything about some anti makeup posts I saw on your blog but I need to say this. I think you're very wise and I agree it's very important for us to love ourselves as we are. But some people like myself doesn't care about 'empowering' of makeup or whatever but we just have fun with it and we just love it. I say we because I know there is a lot of people like me. Yeah, we are feeding capitalism or whatever, but world is beautiful and it's also terrible so people trying make themselves feel good, have fun, ect. I see a lot of people who don't wear makeup and i'm happy for them! I didn't wear makeup until i turned 20 i think and felt good.

One thing I wanted to add is in response of post about feminine girls. I think everything needs balance and sometimes people tend to overreact in their opinion and divide everything in black and white. Personally I never cared how women around me looked and what they were wearing. But I would like to have same treatment, and not to feel silly for wearing pink or feminine clothes.

Sorry, I don't know English very well so maybe I can't translate my idea entirely. What I'm trying to say i think everyone should do what they like and leave each other in peace.

Sorry for this essay, just wanted to share my point of view.

Hi, anon! I'm sorry for the delay in getting to this, but I appreciate you writing this (and your English was fine, don't worry)

I think the main argument of those posts (and my own feelings about this) is not about makeup on its own, or even judgement about who does and doesn't choose to wear it--what they are criticizing is a particular part of the society we live in which puts a huge emphasis on women's beauty and appearance in order to fulfill an idea of what a woman "should" be, and the role that makeup plays in that as a result. Because whether we like it or not, whether we believe in them or not, whether we feel pressured by them or not, these expectations do exist. How we personally respond to them does not change that.

I personally don't have an issue with makeup or the concept of it (in almost every culture on earth, humans have been using makeup of some kind for literally thousands of years)--but what I do have a problem with is when we treat makeup, or other traditionally "feminine" forms of expression as neutral things when they are not. A comb or a hair tie is neutral--it's just a thing. Lipstick and eyeliner are also just things, but only when they exist by themselves--and in reality they don't exist by themselves: they exist in a world where we value women on their physical appearance before we value them for anything else--lipstick and eyeliner exist to emphasise parts of your appearance, to make you look a certain way--and in a society where we put so much importance on women looking a certain way, they aren't just ordinary things you toy around with for fun. You can have fun with them, but it doesn't change their role. They can't be treated as exceptions from the world they are used in.

I think sometimes people assume that being anti-makeup is the same as being anti-women-who-wear-makeup, which misses the point (and also suggests a very dangerous idea which I think, sometimes, is why people respond so angrily to these criticisms: because if we believe that being anti-makeup = being anti-women, then therefore makeup = womanhood, and this is simply not true). Whether you wear these things just for fun and to enjoy yourself isn't what is being talked about because these criticisms are not about you on a personal level: they are about looking at a society that is as image-obsessed as ours, and asking why makeup has the role that it has when 1) it is almost exclusively aimed at women--women who, as a group, have been historically marginalised, and whose value, historically, has almost always been measured in terms of their beauty before anything else and 2) the makeup that is emphasized, the trends and styles that come and go, are often not so much about self-expression (if they were, people would be freely wearing all sorts of wild colours and styles: when we talk about "makeup culture" it's not the same kind of makeup used in the goth, punk, or alt scenes for example where makeup plays a very different role) but almost always about achieving or aspiring towards a type of beauty that is valued or expected: to make you look younger, to make your eyes brighter or larger, to make your lips bigger or sexier, your cheekbones more prominent etc--again, on their own, these things may not be a big deal, but they exist in a world where having these looks means you are valued in a certain way as a woman. And when this exists in our kind of world, where the power dynamics we have automatically mean women's perceived power is through beauty, and where we insist so much on women being a particular kind of beautiful (and this starts in childhood) we have to ask and investigate WHY that is--why this type of beauty and not another? why (almost only) women? who benefits from this? who suffers as a result?

The argument of "not all women" wear makeup for empowerment misses the point of these criticism, because it is focusing on a person's individual choices in a way that suggests our choices can define the world we live in, and they can't. We are deeply social animals. Therefore, how we appear to each other and to ourselves is a socially influenced phenomenon. This applies for race, for sexuality, and for gender. How women are perceived at large, in different social structures, is a social phenomenon influenced by the societies we exist in and the values of those societies. These criticisms are about the society we make those choices in and how that can affect us. For you, makeup may be something fun and enjoyable and that's fine. I'm not saying that's untrue or that people don't feel this way or that you are wrong for feeling this way. It's also not saying that you are brain-washed or oppressing yourself for it. But it doesn't change the world we live in. Someone feeling perfectly happy to go out with makeup or without makeup, and feeling no pressure to do either, is great--but it doesn't mean there aren't a lot of women who do feel pressured into wearing it, and that pressure is a social one. It doesn't change the inequality that exists between how women's physical appearances are judged compared to men's. It doesn't change the fact that almost every childhood story most kids hear (that aren't about animals) have a "beautiful princess" (and very little else is said about her except that she is beautiful) and a "brave" knight/prince/king/whichever: the princess (or maiden or whatever young woman) is defined by how she looks; the male in the story by how he acts.

It also doesn't change the fact that so many young girls grow up hearing the women around them criticize various parts of their bodies and that they carry this into their lives. It doesn't change the fact that we expect (in Western countries at least) for women to have criticisms about their appearance and they are "stuck-up" or "full of themselves" if they don't. It doesn't change the fact that magazines photos, red carpet photos, films, tv shows etc., feature actresses who are beautiful in a way that is absolutely above and beyond exceptional (and who either have had work done cosmetically, or are wealthy enough to be able to afford to look the way they do through top-class makeup artists, personal trainers etc) but who we think are within the "normal" range of beauty because faces like theirs are all that we see--how many famous actors / entertainers can you name who look like they could be someone's random uncle, or "just some guy" (writing this, I can think of 5). Now how many actresses, equally famous, can you think of that are the same? Very, very, very few.

The point of those posts, and why I feel so strongly about this, is that we have a deeply skewed view of beauty when it comes to women, because, as a society, we place so much on how they look in such a way that it is not, and was never meant to be, achievable: therefore anything that contributes to how women look, that markets itself in the way that the makeup industry does in this day and age, needs to be questioned and looked at in relation to that. No one is saying don't wear eyeliner or blush--what they are trying to say is that we need to be aware of the kind of world eyeliner and blush exists in, what their particular functions as eyeliner and blush do in the world that they exist in, that we exist in, and how this does impact the view we have on makeup as a result. Your personal enjoyment may be true to you and others, but this doesn't change the role of female beauty in the world because, again, our personal choices don't define the world in this way. Often, it's the other way around. And we cannot deny this fact because, while it may not affect you negatively, it does affect others.

I absolutely agree with you because I don't care how other women around me choose to dress or express themselves, either--that's their freedom to wear what they want and enjoy themselves and I want them to have that freedom. But my view is not the world's view, and it's certainly not the view of a lot of other people, either. I don't care if another woman loves pink and wearing skirts and dresses--but, like makeup, pink, skirts, and dresses, are not neutral things either. They're tied to a particular image of 'femininity' which means they are tied to a particular way of "being a woman" in this world. I'm not saying, at all, that it's wrong to wear these things. But I'm saying we can't treat them as though these are choices as simple as choosing what kind of socks to wear, because they aren't. They are choices that have baggage. If a woman is seen as being silly, childish, or treated unequally because she enjoys cute tops and ribbons and sundresses, that's not because we are demonizing her choices, or because being anti-makeup is being anti-woman (again, it is absolutely not): it's because we as a society demonize women for any choice. That isn't because of anti-makeup stances--that's because of sexism.

You mentioned that you want to be treated the same as anyone else for wearing feminine clothes--but the fear that you wouldn't be isn't because of the discussions critiquing makeup and other traditionally "feminine" things--it's because we live in a society where women are constantly defined by how they appear on the outside, and no amount of our personal choices will make this untrue. Whether you are a girly-girl or a tomboy, you'll always be judged. And, in reality, when women follow certain beauty standards they do get treated better--but this doesn't mean much in a society where the standards are so high you can never reach them, and where the basic regard for women is so low to begin with (not to mention the hypocrisy that exists within those standards). This is what all those criticisms towards makeup and "empowerment" are about: it's about interrogating a society that is built on this kind of logic and asking why we should insist on leaving it as it is when it does so much damage. It's saying that that if we want everyone to truly feel free in how they choose to present themselves we have to go deeper than just defining freedom by these choices on their own, and look at the environment those choices are made in. And that involves some deeply uncomfortable but necessary conversations.

Also, and I think this important to remember, views on makeup and the social place of makeup will also depend on culture and where you are, and the beauty expectations you grew up with. And when it comes to the internet, and given American dominance online, a lot of these posts criticizing makeup and the way makeup is being used to sell an idea that wearing it is "empowering" to the woman (which is basically saying: you are MORE of a woman when you wear it; you are stronger and more powerful because, in our society, beauty is portrayed as a form of power: it tells you, you can battle the inequality women face by embracing the role beauty plays in our lives but it doesn't tell you this emphasis on beauty is part of that inequality), are based on the way makeup is portrayed in mostly English-speaking Western countries. My views are shaped by what I grew up seeing, and while a full face of makeup (concealer, primer, foundation, mascara, highlighter, contour, blush, brow tint, brow gel etc) may not be daily practice or even embraced in a place like France or maybe other places in mainland Europe (but that doesn't mean they don't have their own expectations of feminine beauty), they are daily practice in places like the US and Britain, and this is what most of those posts and criticisms are responding to.

We can argue as much as we want about makeup, but when you grow up in a society where women feel the need to put on makeup before going to the gym there is something seriously wrong. Embracing makeup and enjoying makeup is one thing, but it cannot be a neutral thing when so much of it is about looking like you're not wearing makeup at all, or when we assume a woman is better qualified for a job or more professional when she wears it. It cannot be a neutral thing when a singer like Alicia Keys goes makeup-free for a red carpet event and it causes a stir online because people think she looks sick (what she looks like is normal--I would argue above normal--but wearing makeup to cover up "flaws" is so normal now that we genuinely don't know what normal skin is supposed to look like because the beauty of these celebrities is part of their appeal: they are something to aspire to). It is absolutely very normal for me, where I am, to see young girls with fake lashes and filled in brows: it's not every girl I pass, but it is enough. I'm not saying they are miserable, or brain-washed, or should be judged. I can believe that for them it's something enjoyable--but how am I supposed to see something like that and not be aware of the kind of celebrities and makeup tutorials that are everywhere on TikTok and YouTube, and that they are seeing everyday? How am I not supposed to have doubts when people tell me "it's their choice!" when the choices being offered are so limited and focused on one thing?

I never wore makeup as a teenager and I still don't, but a lot of that is because I grew up surrounded by people who just didn't. Makeup was never portrayed as anything bad or forbidden (and I don't see it like that either)--it was just this thing that, for me growing up, was never made to be a necessity not even for special occasions. I saw airbrushed photos and magazines all around me, for sure, and I definitely felt the beauty pressure and the body pressure (for example, I definitely felt my confidence would be better if I wore concealer to deal with my uneven skintone, and I felt this for years). But I also know that, growing up, I saw both sides. No makeup was the default I saw at home, while makeup was the default I saw outside. And that does play a part, not just in the choices you make, but in the choices that you feel you are allowed to make. No makeup was an option for me because it was what I saw everyday, even with my own insecurities; but if you do not see that as an option around you (and I know for most girls my age, where I grew up, it probably wasn't) then how can we fully argue that the decision you make is a real choice?

If I wanted to wear a cute skirt outside, for example, and decided to shave my legs--that isn't a real choice. And it cannot ever be a real choice, no matter how much I say "this is for me" or "I prefer it like this" because going out in public with hairy legs and going out in public with shaved legs will cause two completely different reactions. How can I separate what I think is "my choice" from a choice I make because I want to avoid the negative looks and comments? And how can I argue that choosing to shave is a freely made choice when the alternative has such negativity? If you feel pressured into choosing one thing over another, that's not a choice. Does this make sense?

This is how I feel about makeup most of the time, and what I want more than anything else is for us to be able to have a conversation about why we make the choices we do beyond saying "it makes me feel good" and ending the conversation there. Again, I'm not saying people need to stop wearing makeup or stop finding enjoyment in wearing it, but I think we tend to get so focused on our own feelings about this and forget that there is a bigger picture and this picture is a deeply unequal one. That is what this conversation is about. I hope this explains some things, anon, and if I misinterpreted anything please feel free to message me again. x

[theconcealedweapon]

They'll gladly go to war, risking their lives and spending months at a time away from their loved ones, in order to protect this country. But they won't get a vaccine.

They'll gladly go to jail or die for their children. But they won't analyze how their own treatment of their children affects them.

They'll gladly fantasize about the opportunity to beat up abusive sexist men. But they won't do anything to stop normalizing that behavior.

They'll gladly put themselves in danger in order to feel big and tough and live out a hero fantasy. But they won't do something much easier that would actually help.

[lesbiancolumbo]

tell me why on the sole film podcast i listen to three grown ass men in their 30s and 40s, one of whom is a literal producer and writer for game of thrones, one a former critic for entertainment weekly, and the other an indie actor and filmmaker, had the audacity to tell me that they either 1. didn’t start watching agnes varda films until this podcast brought her up (her episode was a year ago), 2. have never even heard of her most famous film, an iconic inclusion of the french new wave genre, or 3. just straight up don’t like her

[jess-frances-b]

I've been wondering about why I'm so bothered about the music industry being so male-dominated even today and I realised: It's because it makes it look like women are less musically talented than men are. I mean, the majority of female pop groups and solo artists have their music written for them by men, they're just the ones performing it. A lot of bands with female singers have no other female members, and the singers don't usually play their own instruments. That's not to say that women who only sing or perform songs written for them should be looked down on, I just wish there was more representation for all kinds of skills in music and performance.

[lilacsupernova]

Women are ... much more than men, expected to look younger than they are. As Susan Sontag wrote, in an essay called 'The Double Standard of Ageing', '[For women], only one standard of female beauty is sanctioned: the girl. The great advantage men have is that out culture allows two standards of male beauty: the boy and the man. The beauty of a boy resembles the beauty of a girl. In both, sexes it is a fragile kind of beauty and flourishes naturally only in the early part of the life-cycle. Happily, men are able to accept themselves under another standard of good looks – heavier, rougher, more thickly built. A man does not grieve when he loses the smooth, unlined, hairless skin of a boy. For he has only exchanged one form of attractiveness for another: the darker skin of a man's face, roughened by daily shaving, showing marks of emotions and the normal lines of age.

'There is no equivalent of this second standard for women. The single standard of beauty for women dictates that they must go one having clear skin. Every wrinkle, every line, every grey hair, is a defeat. No wonder that no boy minds becoming a man, while even the passage from girlhood to early womanhood is experienced by many women as their downfall, for all women are trained to continue wanting to look like girls.'

This has implications for how seriously women are take. Girls are taken less seriously than middle-aged women, yet middle-aged women are expected to do all they can do to look more like girls. As Elaine Chao put it to me, "There is much more pressure on older women to look younger than they are than there is for men. Which is horrible. It's a paradox. On the one hand, as we get older, we actually get wiser, more assertive, and more able to occupy equal footing. On the other hand, our looks work against us.' Mary Beard echoes this in Women and Power: 'Craggy or wrinkled faces signal mature wisdom in the case of a bloke, but "past-my-use-by-date" in the case of a woman.' No wonder over 90 per cent of Botox users and 92 per cent of cosmetic surgery patients are female.

– Mary Ann Sieghart (2021) The Authority Gap: Why Women are Still Taken Less Seriously Than Men and What We Can Do About It, pp. 250-1.

[madam-miss-fortune]

Yk something that pisses me off SEVERELY? People saying a woman's prime is in her early 20s. Like...no??? That is a baby. Whatcha mean???

At that age, people are still figuring stuff out. Like, who are you without your parents? How to live alone? School??? We consider a man's prime to be in his 30s. Why isn't it the same for women?

Women at their late 20s to 30s are at their best imo. They're intelligent, gorgeous, and have begun to feel secure in themselves. While everyone creeps on young and impressionable 19 year olds, women in their 30s have got it mostly figured out, more or less.

People's obsession with youth is seriously crazy to me. Like, no that 16 year old is not attractive you're just weird. Youth is not automatically hot nor should it be. Influencers like Belle Delphine are seriously terrible because they market their childlike traits intentionally. It's just so weird.

Kids are not attractive. Teenagers are not attractive. Not to adults, anyway. And I seriously don't get why people hate crows feet or laugh lines or love handles or anything even remotely humanlike on women. It's like being human is unattractive these days. Do people seriously want women to be objects? Real women have body hair, cellulite, hip dips, stretch marks, saggy skin, crows feet, and whatever else. I hate the beauty industry that makes it seem like being a real woman is a terrible, terrible thing.

This is why I seriously feel like 'natural' beauty will seriously come back into popularity eventually. There's nothing wrong with getting surgeries and botox or whatever, but I feel like that's seriously harmful for a person's mental and physical health if you feel like you gotta get surgery to be pretty. And one day, people will want natural beauty back. Women's 'imperfections' won't be considered faults anymore because society and beauty is weird that way and a society's definition of beautiful changes aaaaall the time.

Like, seriously guys. Instead of trying to make your looks appealing to everyone, be appealing to yourself. Don't focus on what others think of you because that's a one way ticket to insecurity and mental illness.

[possiblyunhinged]

So the only industry I ever 'worked' in was the music industry, and it made me very sick when I realised working in the music industry was basically babysitting sex pests and turning a blind eye, lol. Don't get me wrong, I know many people are trying to change that - but sometimes it feels like those voices just exist in an echo chamber whilst the status quo is maintained.

I wish I could write about these things eloquently, but frankly, I wanted to work in music as soon as I figured out that was a thing you could do. So naturally, I just feel an immobilising level of sadness when I think about it.

Getting to uni and digging into a local music scene felt what I can only imagine all your dreams coming true like - despite how much I was struggling with agoraphobia and depression, I somehow felt like the luckiest person alive. My life completely revolved around gigs, all in a town where venues were a walking distance from one another.

However, it became clear that women in that scene were in and out quickly. Women who worked as promoters would soon make a ghostly exit. I didn't even realise that I was shapeshifting my personality to a pick-me formation just so I could dodge the sexual advances and plant myself firmly as an asexual entity.

"One of the boys" would often be muttered to me by girlfriends who explained that they hated me for a distance until they met me and essentially realised what a blubbering, unsexy idiot I was. Naturally, I'd stand there like a cactus and pretend I hadn't witnessed their boyfriend's misdemeanours. Because I am a coward, I was desperate not to be seen as a 'dramatic woman'.

This naturally didn't stop me from getting sexually assaulted by a man who people had pinned down as a hearty, kind man. He wasn't the type to sexually assault people, despite the fact multiple women I made friends with would come to tell me of a story they had to me - waking up with him having sex with them, dragging them down the stairs so they could have sex with somebody else, ghosting and yada yada yada.

I guess those stories didn't stick out that much to these men because they'd all convinced themselves their behaviour towards women was very normal because they weren't like other guys - their hair was soft, they had moustaches and exposed ankles.

Honestly, once I started to come down from disbelief, my life appeared to be working out, and I realised I was just a coke fiend with transactional friendships with other people desperate to feel less alone; I realised I was basically in a creche for sex pests.

It was probably the biggest catalyst for me to find out I was autistic. Once my brain started processing what was actually happening, I felt like I was in a housefire. Everybody was choosing just to focus on the television instead of getting out.

There was injustice everywhere. The venues I once loved felt unfriendly. The bands I listened to sounded vapid. The sound of seagulls and the sea breeze made me feel lonely. The behaviour I was perceiving seemed grossly inconsiderate. No amount of alcohol or delusion could regain my rose-tinted glasses.

And without wanting to sound like a whiny little bitch, my 'dreams' were decimated by a group of men who couldn't even spell necessary and who had a legion of men and women alike who were STILL willing to turn a blind eye.

I won't pretend I know why because I don't. It took me two years to disappear; frankly, it felt like a year too late.

It became pretty clear to me that you either shut the fuck up about it or get out... Or, in my case, have a menty b (hehe), go back home and lose your shit on social media before deleting everything.