#sh: burning with love mad with sadness

[sl003]

SESE's Fic Recs Part 2 (ATEEZ)

Hi and hello! Today, i present to you the second part of my fic recs because i spend waaaay too much time reading stuff on here when i should be working on my own stories, hahah :) I just have so many ideas that it's hard to stick with one, you know?

Anyway, it's the same as before, the fics will be sorted by members, my all time favourites are marked with a "♡". And as this one is a bit shorter than the previous one, you can be sure that this one will be updated from time to time.

You can find the first part here:

SESE's Fic Rec (ATEEZ)

And as you can probably notice by these fic recs, i'm a sucker for long ass fics, i just love them so much! (no hate to shorter fics, they're just as good!!!)

Warning: Some of the fics will have a bit of "commentary" from me below them, these might contain spoilers for the fics, just so you've been warned.

Once again, a giant thank you to all the incredibly skilled and talented authors out there for creating these masterpieces!!! <3 You deserve all the love for doing what you do and allowing us to read and take part in that!

And because I have a habit for reading and recommending a lot of fics from the same authors, i'll just tag them once in this even if there's more than one fic. hope that's okay :)

Anyway, have fun reading!!!

PS: if any of the links are wrong or don't work, feel free to tell me so i can try and fix it.

KIM HONGJOONG

Philoselene - @ncteez (6.2k)

alt!stoner!hj x kinda!detached(?)!reader

♡ It Can't Be That Hard - @seung-hwa (12k)

brother's best friend!hj x reader / college au / exes to lovers

i'm a sucker for the "brother's best friend" trope, so it was already quite clear that i was going to love this. and well, i was right with my suspicion. the dynamic between all the characters is just so *chef's kiss*. i kinda felt bad for yunho, though... that guy has been sneaking his way into my heart lately, so no surprise there... (i mean the thing with the knitted hat? so damn cute!)

Cry For Me - @yeostinys (3 parts)

ceo!hj x secretary!r

this is normally not a plot that i read very often, but this was so incredibly good, oh wow. reader is really a bit of a crybaby, but like in a so not annoying way, you know? i loved it, read it.

♡ I'll Let The World Burn - @koyagifs (3.4k)

dragon rider!hj x dragon!r

this was such an interesting read because reader is a dragon in this one. but i love how their close bond was portrayed and it was so sad... i was this close to crying, i'm telling you. but i loved every second of it.

PARK SEONGHWA

Where Water Turns To Flame - @sungbeam (6.1k)

dragon!sh x dragon!r

♡ Playing With Fire - @ateezmakemeweep (5 parts)

(kinda)sugar daddy!sh x daughter's bff!r

hoooly shit. this was a rollercoaster. a real good rollercoaster. the relationship between the reader and seonghwa is so sweet and hot at the same time. (tbh, during the time eunbi and mrs. park were mad pissed at reader, i was kinda on their side, because if i was in their shoes, i'd be as well, but like i get the reader too, cause it's hwa) and i also love the dynamic between reader and eunbi, especially after the whole shitshow that went down, when eunbi is chill with reader and seonghwa's relationship, it's so hilarious.

JEONG YUNHO

Love Again - @xomakara (6.1k)

single!dad!y x single!mom!r

Guerrilla - @sorryimananti-romantic (27k)

doctor/serial killer!yh x crime author!r

♡ You Can Run But You Can't Hide - @bvidzsoo (25.8k)

vampire hunter!yh x vampire!r

i've been a little vampire fanatic since i was a child, so i really like vampire tropes. and i've especially come to like the vampire x vampire hunter pairing (probably cause of my love for enemies to lovers). the tension between them is crazy and i love it. the detail that did it for me though is the one with feeling pleasure from the biting and drinking from each other. i remember that i've read something with that a very long time ago, and it stuck with me since then. so finally seeing this in a fic again was sooo cool, it's just so intimate. and the small cameos (if you can call it that) of mingi and seonghwa? so tragic, yet so sweet.

Summer's Dive - @santheestallion (30k)

brother's bff!yh x reader

i've actually only read the first part to this, somehow i haven't gotten to read the other two (i think it's two other parts?). until now i totally loved it, and i'm sure the other parts are just as good, i'll have to read them as soon as possble!

KANG YEOSANG

♡ Don't Lean On Me - @sweetinsaniiity (27k)

tsundere!outcast!ys x semi-stalker!r

i'm writing this one day after i read it for the first (and the second) time (11.01.25) and holy shit. in my previous fic rec i've stated that "entropy" (also a ys fic) is my all time fav fic, well this one just tied with it, if it has not even surpassed it (no hate to entropy, it will always have a special place in my heart), cause this is incredible. i love these type of fics and the way yeosang was portrayed here made me feel some type of way (in the best way possible). the small details and gestures from him, oh my god. seriously, if you're as yeosang biased as i am, you definitely need to read this. or just read it anyway, i'll force you if i have to <3

A World In Your Colours - @ bvidzsoo

daycare teacher!ys x florist!r (soulmate au)

CHOI SAN

Stay Focused - @beginningofwonderland (12.5k)

office worker!san x uni student!r

SONG MINGI

My Way - @ sorryimananti-romantic (18k)

guard!mg x princess!r

Orange Soda - @atozfic (13.4k)

single!dad!mg x reader / fwb to lovers

By Her Side - @arilevenatz (8.5k)

bodyguard!mg x princess!r (modern royalty)

i've never read anything like this before. obviously the bodyguard x princess trope is pretty common (and i eat it up every time) but not in the way this was made (with the age gap and all). when i read the summary, i was a bit unsure but i knew i just had to read it, and i was not disappointed. their relationship is so sweet and this fic? AMAZING. and as i'm writing this i'm realizing that i've literally just recommended two mingi fics with this trope, well what can i say? bodyguard!mingi is just *chefs kiss*

♡ Love Me Like A Rockstar - @ bvidzsoo (15 chapters)

uni student/local rockstar!mg x uni student!r

oh dear, i can't even begin to describe. as you can probably tell here, mingi has been on my mind a lot. and this series, wow. i've read this in one evening, i was so invested. tbh, reader was unnecessarily rude to mingi a lot, but like i get it because of her past (though letting it out on mingi wasn't really cool of her, i mean, it wasn't his fault). but seriously, this story is so amazing. from the detail of her suddenly starting to draw mingi instead of yunho to how mingi just suddenly starts being nice to her even if she's still behaving like a jerk. and just when their friendship (love their texting, by the way) starts to progress, reader goes and pulls that shit? i was hooked. and i also was totally on seulgi's side for a second when she called just to shit on reader hahah. anyway, such an amazing and sweet story!!! <3

JUNG WOOYOUNG

coming soon ... (i need to read more about him again, this is my sign)

CHOI JONGHO

♡ (Not) Another Love Song - @yourlocaljonghoe (11.5k)

uni student!jh x uni student!r (roommates to lovers)

her basically only being able to sleep when she listens to jongho's covers on youtube? so cute. and how socially awkward she is? it felt so relatable, because honestly? i'm the same way. normally, i enjoy reading fics with a more confident reader (something that i'm not, but i like to pretend) but it also feels so amazing to read something with a socially awkward reader like here. and the way he covers the song she was talking about to him just like a day earlier?? now that, folks, is love.

POLY/MULTIPLE

♡ Compass Of The Heart - @velvetvisionsaurora (ongoing series)

pirate au // hj x r / sh x r / mg x r / yh x r / wy x r

oh my god. this story is so precious to me you don't understand. the scenes from when they were children? i could have cried. and the way each of the boys has a nickname for her is so cute. and i'm such a sucker for her relationship to mingi. i love the way he is written as like the guy that doesn't talk much and the deep connection between them is so sweet. and generally the way everyone treats her, i love it. i get so excited everytime a new chapter of this gets posted.

Hope you enjoyed these, because i certainly did!!

'Til then, bye bye <3

-Sese

[scekrex]

TW(If you dont want to do it it's completely fine)

Can you do a adam x male reader where the reader is depressed because his life when he was living was shit and he thought it would be better but it still haunts him, and he starts to date adam and a few months into dating Adam saw reader SH and gets all sad but becomes more protective of reader and explains to reader how much he loves him and he bandages reader and they cuddle together(I love your writing BTW, you don't have to do this if you think it's shit)

I absolutely do not think it's shit, I hope I did it justice - as a person who suffers from depression myself this kinda is/was my view on the world. Really hope it's to your liking :3

Burning, I feel it too

pairing: Adam x male!reader

warnings: language, hurt/angst, suicidal thoughts, self harm

note: not beta read bc fuck you I don't have beta readers

With him around, heaven seemed brighter. With him around your past life felt less heavy, the burdens you carried were easier to lift and he seemed to bring a reason to all of existence.

But when Adam wasn’t around for a couple hours, the world turned dark again, like he was purposely taking all the bright colors and the joyful emotions with him when he left. The burdens turned insanely heavy again, unable for you to lift, let alone carry on your shoulders and every reason that caused you to take step after step was gone. Adam knew your life had been a dark pit of hopelessness and tiredness. There had been nothing that held you, what was holding you now? A single person and that person wasn’t even yourself how it should have been. It was Adam.

Heaven, the paradise of afterlife that everybody dreamed of, not you though. You just wanted to rest, not continue to suffer above earth in another world. You wanted peace and quiet, eternal rest. But that had been denied, not only by God, but also by Adam. The first man was worried about you and while others thought of it as cute, you felt like a burden to him by making him worry so much. He cared, that you were aware of, he let you not only hear you about it, no, he also showed you that he cared about you. And that caused the clouds that covered your view to lift temporarily. But once Adam left - even if it was just the room - the clouds came back, painting the worlds in black, white and gray again until he came back.

Extermination days were the worst, not only was your partner gone the entire day, no, he was also at risk of getting injured, maybe even killed. Who was there to promise you that Adam would make it out alive? And what would you do if Adam wouldn’t make it out? If Lute would come back alone, nothing but his halo in her hand that she would hand over to you as proof. Would it hurt? Would it hurt worse than the pain you inflict on yourself?

You flicked the lighter on and for a short moment you watched the flame dance in front of your eyes, then you moved the lighter close to your thigh until the flame licked on your skin, the burn that followed felt save, it felt like coming home after a long trip, it welcomed you with open arms and you were so used to it that you closed your eyes and enjoy the silence the pain brought. That was a thing you had missed so much, the silence in your mind that pain brought with it whenever you invited it to visit you. You had been so lost in the quietness that you hadn’t heard the door to the bedroom slamming open. Your eyes cracked open when the lighter was harshly ripped from your trembling fingers, the usually so calming voice of your boyfriend was now the reason for you to flinch away from his body, “What the fuck are you doing?” He sounded mad and you hated the way anger made his voice sound. Why was Adam back already? Was it already that late, had you lost track of time again? Did it even matter if he was back earlier?

Paralyzed you watched as he pulled you off the bed, you weren’t reacting to his words at all, not because you didn’t want to, but because you found yourself unable to. The brunette pushed you flush against his body, you felt the soft golden feathers that wrapped around your nude body to shield you and just like before, there was silence in your head - not because of any pain, but because of Adam. Adam, who had returned the colors to your world, Adam, who was drowning you with his body warmth. “I don’t want to fucking lose you,” he mumbled against your head as he buried his face in your hair. He spun the both of you around slowly, then he let himself fall backwards onto the soft mattress of your shared bed, pulling you with him. “You can’t fucking leave me too, I- for fucks sake Y/N, you can’t fucking-” he interrupted himself and it was only then that you felt the salty tears that were streaming down his cheeks. “I don’t fucking want you to-” he tried again but failed yet again, a sob fell from his lips and you couldn’t help but hate your self for making him feel that way. Adam deserved better, you had tried to explain that to him ever since the both of you had started dating. Yet the brunette had always disagreed. “Please,” he whispered and his voice sounded so unusually broken it tore you apart from the inside. You hated the way it voice was able to sound so unstable, so broken, so sad. You hated that you had caused Adam to feel that way within seconds. “I fucking love you, Y/N,” he mumbled, clearly out of words. You knew he wanted to scream and yell, that he wanted answers. And he knew screaming and yelling would only push you further away from him and that you’d give him answers once you were ready to. So he bit back all the questions he wanted to ask you, all the things he wanted to get off his chest and placed a soft kiss on your head instead. “I’m sorry for being such a mess,” you whispered quietly and maybe, secretly, you hoped it had been too quiet for him to hear. But it hadn’t been, “You’re not, babes, you’ll never fucking be.” But the both of you knew that wasn’t true, that he was lying. You were not only ruining your own mental health but also his. It was only a matter of time until Adam would either drop you or fall into the same hole you were already sitting in.

[perpetualexistence]

Alley Cats AU: What Izzy Did

Ditzy Izzy was her first nickname.

She got it in elementary school. Her teachers would call her in from recess and she'd have to be dragged back to school each time. They put her in the front of the line every year when the school nurse held the listening test.

She kicked her legs as she tapped the headphones each time.

Listening wasn't her problem. Her problem was that her teachers never had enough to say.

Why bother listening to people who would go on and on and on about the same thing over and over when she got it on the first try? It was much more fun to play around. Learn from the trees instead. Let loose all that energy they were trying to stifle. Climb up and watch people. Much more fun to watch than to listen. She learned a lot that way.

No one else got it. They'd call her a ditz and move on.

It wasn't until she bit her first kid that her parents bothered to show up at school.

It wasn't her fault, of course. No matter how he tried to whine that he was just trying to get his ball back. She'd been playing a Warrior guarding the Moonstone. It wasn't fun always by herself, so she jumped at the chance to play when he approached. Then he tried to steal it away from her. What other choice did she have?

Her parents didn't see it that way. Which wasn't fair, because they never saw much of her anyways. They left her to be raised by her mom. Her real mom. The one who was actually grandma. She was too old to do much of anything besides watching her. But she was the one taking care of her while her parents were away and telling her to keep them being away the family secret. So grandma was Mom, her parents were Her Parents, her dad was That Guy (whoever he happened to be that week), and her mom was A Good Mom if Anyone Asked.

It led to the creation of Flee the Freak. Izzy chased, and they ran. She didn't see much difference between her laughter and their screaming. The other kids liked it a lot too. They must have. They never stopped playing.

Even when she wasn't chasing.

This continued into middle school. Same students, same games. But now there were more options. Electives were a thing now!

She chose marching band. It'd surely be the most fun. She'd get to walk around, make noise, AND no one would get mad at her for it? A bonus! Sure she had to do things like 'follow the sheet music'. And she did, because you can't really get kicked out of recess but you can get kicked out of band.

But there was still room for more excitement.

With a baton from cheerleading tryouts (their loss, she would have totally killed nationals), and a stolen lighter from her Dad of the Week, she had everything she needed.

One burned living room later, Izzy was starting to regret something for the first time in her life.

She didn't even know her mom could still scream that loud. Didn't know she could move that fast. So much still left in that frail body.

They were okay. The old woman made sure of that.

Until Izzy shared how fun it'd been to see her still have that fire in her. The same as the fire that had been around her.

That earned her a trip to fire setter school, to work that habit out of her.

Which. Was fine, she guessed.

They went on and on about how fire was bad. Which wasn't true, because fire wasn't good or bad. It just was, and wanted to do its best to keep going.

They tried to get at 'the root of her love for arson'. Asking so many personal questions and clearly fishing for answers. If they weren't going to respect her, then she wouldn't respect them.

Like always, no one ever wanted to listen to Izzy. Except this time they really could keep her forever if she didn't behave.

So, fine.

She could play at being normal.

Her sob story was about a family who didn't love her and a fire that did. How she longed to see the world burn because deep down she was just a sad, miserable angel.

They bought it. Hook, line, and sinker.

There were only two things she learned from that program:

How to rig a proper explosive.

She really loved acting.

And, then, finally high school hit.

Everything was new, and bright, and vast. She could lose herself here. Not that she would ever want to. Everything was different.

She didn't stick with the normal schtick for too long. Not that she couldn't have. She was an expert when she wanted to be. It'd just be for too long, be too boring.

Anything had to be better than boring.

Flee the Freak looked different this time. No more running and screaming. It was whispers, this time. From teens older and teens her age who knew her in middle school. The stories spread like fire.

Izzy, the feral. Izzy, the arsonist. Izzy, the psycho hosebeast.

She could laugh it off. She always did. Words only mean as much as you let them. She wouldn't let these words break her.

Wherever she went, conversation stopped. She'd fill up the void. She did enjoy going on and on, even if the looks on their faces meant no one else did. She'd throw herself into a group if no groups would let her in.

It was fun to see which response she'd get this time.

There were the ones who nodded along and squirmed the whole time.

The ones who talked without saying anything.

The ones who had the guts to say they didn't want her around to her face. Those she respected the most. They would bite with words to make her go away. Not that it'd ever work, but she appreciated their effort.

The worst ones were the polite ones. They had advice to grow up, be more mature.

Grow older? No, duh. Grow wiser? Every day. Grow up? Ha!

Izzy would make a perfect friend without doing that.

Despite popular belief, there was nothing wrong with Izzy.

She just wished that belief wasn't so popular.

But oh well, there wasn't much to be done about it. Not without changing. And she's not doing that.

If nothing new was happening outwards, then it was time to focus inwards.

She wanted to take up baton twirling again. Personally, she thought it'd be sick to be in the mascot costume juggling fire. REALLY get the crowds pumping.

Still, she needed more practice. Safer practice. She didn't want to ever see that look on her mom's face again.

So she found an alley behind the school.

It looked all nice and decrepit, only garbage to burn back here. That's what she assumed at least. Until she heard the voices coming from deeper in.

She followed the voices until she saw two people who she didn't think even knew each other. Eva and Noah. Noah and Eva. It made sense the more she talked and laughed and poked.

Their experiences showed in the ways their body spoke. She looked for tension first. That was the easiest to spot when Izzy joined a conversation. Disgusted and annoyed tense came hand to hand with other people.

Angry and scared and worried and trying to hide it tense? That one was new. They could hide it all they liked. Izzy always saw through everything.

It was just them here. Not really much of a group.

Not yet. She thought as she hatched a plan so great she couldn't believe she hadn't thought of it before.

She's always tried to jump into groups that were already together. Cliques formed quick if you weren't paying enough attention.

But these guys had been kicked out of their cliques. Lost to the wind without any purpose.

So why not give them one? These guys were outcasts from everyone else, just like she'd been for as long as she could remember. They got it. Or could get it. They just needed someone to show them the ropes to being a screwup! Might as well be her since they clearly weren't doing anything about it.

Izzy dubbed them all Alley Cats, and she was ecstatic to have a group of her own.

Even more so when their group grew.

<- What Eva Did | AU Masterpost | What Owen Did -> (Coming...eventually)

[dragonstar2568]

✨Zane Ro’Meave headcannons ✨

(Does contain explicit content and has mentions of SA and SH (under the cut) if you don’t like that please scroll)

Has a box of everything his brothers have made or gave him like drawings or bracelets that mean so much to him so he takes them out when he’s sad

When he gets dysphoric Travis comes over to distract him whether it’s playing Minecraft or watching my little horses he is all ways gonna be there to help.

Likes his hair being played with it helps him fall asleep

Sleeps better next to someone

Is really good with kids and often baby sits

His room is mostly pink and he owns pink clothes he just sleeps in them

Bites his nails or scratches his arms when nervous

Always has bandages in his pocket and suckers

Needs glasses but thinks they look stupid

Like sketching and painting but is scared people will make fun of him more

Loves when his brother hugs him but is also scared of Garroth because he looks like dad.

Has snake bites and a lot of ear piercing and has hip tattoos

Dante once forced him to dye a piece of his hair blue (Zane really liked how it looked)

Will stop to pet every cat he sees

Vylad runs to him when scared or hurt because he views Zane as a motherly figure (he once accidentally called him mom)

Loves strawberries and mango

Knows how to play piano

Zane has a biting kink and a praise kink and definitely cry’s during and has an oral fixation

Loves to pet Ein’s ears

Has crooked teeth and is really insecure about them

Just wants someone to love him instead of hurt him

Has a sparkly dildo (you can’t change my mind)

⚠️Mentions of SA and SH under the cut⚠️

⚠️TRIGERING HAS MENTIONS OF SA AND SH⚠️

Travis sits beside the tube when he when he bathes because last time Zane almost drowned himself but stopped before he blacked out and called Travis who ran over to comfort him. now Zane tells him when he’s about to bathe.

Has problems with SH and smoking he promised Vylad he would stop but hasn’t

His father used to SA him growing up. It started when he was drunk and mistook him for his mom but it kept happening he tried to tell Garroth but he didn’t believe him.

Zane puts his cigarettes out on his arms.

Gene rap3d him in school and took pictures to show his friends then laughed at him saying it was his fault

Is scared someone will hurt him again if he dares love them

Once Garroth got angry and hit the wall beside Zane’s head (brining back memories of their father) making him cry and gorroth got mad at him for crying when he didn’t do anything. he felt really bad about it once he calmed down and Zane said it was fine but is scared to be near him alone.

He burns himself because he told Vylad he would stop cutting (he also thinks the flame is pretty)

Keeps a gun or knife on him at all times just in case someone try’s to touch him again

[taylor-swift-bracket]

Battle of the Bridges!

Round One

Debut Era 🦋

Tim McGraw vs. Picture to Burn

A Place In This World vs. Cold As You

Stay Beautiful vs. Should’ve Said No

Mary’s Song (Oh My My My) vs. Our Song

I’m Only Me When I’m With You vs. A Perfectly Good Heart vs. Invisible

Bea utiful Eyes vs. I Heart ?

Fearless Era✨

Fearless vs. Fifteen

Love Story vs. Hey Stephen

White Horse vs. You Belong With Me

Breathe vs. Tell Me Why

You’re Not Sorry vs. The Way I Loved You

Forever & Always vs. The Best Day

Ch ange vs. Jump Then Fall

Come In With The Rain vs. Superstar

The Other Side Of The Door vs. Today Was A Fairytale

Mr. Perfectly Fine vs. We Were Happy

That’s When vs. Don’t You vs. Bye Bye Baby

Speak Now Era 🎆

Mine vs. Sparks Fly

Dear John vs. Mean

The Story Of Us vs. Never Grow Up

Enchanted vs. Better Than Revenge

Innocent vs. Haunted

Last Kiss vs. Long Live

Ours vs. Superman

Electric Touch vs. When Emma Falls In Love

I Can See You vs. Castles Crumbling

Foolish One vs. Timeless

Red Era 🧣

State of Grace vs. Red

Treacherous vs. I Knew You Were Trouble

All Too Well vs. 22 (Taylor’s Version)

I Almost Do vs. We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

Stay Stay Stay vs. The Last Time

Holy Ground vs. Sad Beautiful Tragic

Everything Has Changed vs. Starlight

Come Back…Be Here vs. Girl At Home

Ronan vs. Better Man

Nothing New vs. Babe

All Too Well vs. 22 (original version)

Forever Winter vs. Run

The Very First Night vs. Safe & Sound vs. Eyes Open

1989 Era 🏙️

Welcome to New York vs. Blank Space

Style vs. Out Of The Woods

All You Had To Do Was Stay vs. Shake It Off

I Wish You Would vs. Bad Blood

This Love vs. I Know Places

Clean vs. Wonderland

You Are In Love vs. New Romantics

Slut! vs. Say Don’t Go

Now That We Don’t Talk vs. Is It Over Now? vs. Sweeter Than Fiction

Reputation Era 🐍

I Did Something Bad vs. Don’t Blame Me

Delicate vs. Look What You Made Me Do

So It Goes…vs. Gorgeous

Getaway Car vs. King Of My Heart

Dancing With Our Hands Tied vs. Dress

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things vs. Call It What You Want vs. New Year’s Day

Lover Era 💘

I Forgot That You Existed vs. Cruel Summer

Lover vs. The Man

The Archer vs. I Think He Knows

Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince vs. Paper Rings

London Boy vs. Soon You’ll Get Better

You Need To Calm Down vs. Afterglow

ME! vs. Daylight vs. All Of The Girls You’ve Loved Before

folklore era 🌲

the 1 vs. cardigan

the last great american dynasty vs. exile

my tears ricochet vs. mirrorball

seven vs. august

this is me trying vs. illicit affairs

invisible string vs. mad woman

epiphany vs. betty

hoax vs. the lakes

evermore era 🍂

willow vs. champagne problems

‘tis the damn season vs. tolerate it

coney island vs. ivy

cowboy like me vs. long story short

marjorie vs. closure

evermore vs. right where you left me

Midnights Era 🌌

Lavender Haze vs. Maroon

Anti-Hero vs. Snow On The Beach

You’re On Your Own, Kid vs. Question…?

Vigilante Sh*t vs. Bejeweled

Karma vs. Sweet Nothing

Mastermind vs. The Great War

Bigger Than The Whole Sky vs. Paris

Glitch vs. Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve

Dear Reader vs. Hits Different vs. You’re Losing Me

The Tortured Poets Department Era ✒️

Fortnight vs. The Tortured Poets Department

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys vs. Down Bad

So Long, London vs. But Daddy I Love Him

Fresh Out The Slammer vs. Florida!!!

Guilty As Sin? vs. Who’s Afraid Of Little Old Me?

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) vs. loml

Clara Bow vs. The Black Dog

imgonnagetyouback vs. The Albatross

Chloe Or Sam Or Sophia Or Marcus vs. How Did It End?

So High School vs. I Hate It Here

thanK you aIMee vs. The Prophecy

Cassandra vs. Peter

The Bolter vs. Robin vs. The Manuscript

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived vs. The Alchemy

Other 🎸

Carolina vs. Beautiful Ghosts

Christmas Must Be Something More vs. Christmas Tree Farm

Crazier vs. I Don’t Wanna Live Forever

Renegade vs. The Alcott

[justvent314]

Tw: idk don’t read it if you don’t want to get triggered? SH ig

I feel like I’m just dancing on a fucking edge man, like nothings ever real for me. I cut myself but not like girls in our school who actually cut themselves, I don’t have an eating disorder but I get so fucking happy when that number on the scale drops, I’m at 98 pounds and I’m scared to go over 105, but I’m not starving myself nor throwing up, even if I try attempts are always short lived. I don’t really want to die but I can’t bring myself to throw away my old prescription because what if I want a way out, I love my mother and she doesn’t hurt me physically nor mentally like yours does but she never really knows how to react, she says ‘I want you to stop cutting yourself’ not like she’s truly sad, but like this is a teenage thing that just frustrated her, similar to ‘I want you to stop drawing on your arms’ like you think I fucking want to do this? That I wake up with the intent to make her mad, at this point if I attempt and survive I think she’d be more disappointed than sad. I’m not ‘gifted’ but I’m not dumb either, I know I’m intelligent but I can’t seem to bring myself to put any effort into anything, I can’t call it burnout because when have I ever even tried? I’m not hardworking like Rhea, or naturally smart like any of you, I’m not dedicated like Rahaf either, shit I honestly don’t know what I’m good at, I know random useless shit and I feel like I can’t change anything in the world. I like to pretend I have a plan, ‘be a psychology professor’ but honestly I don’t know if I’ll make it that far, hell a plan is all I have bro, without it. What am I? Mediocre, a 13 year old girl toeing the line between ‘brilliant’ and average, unable to ‘apply herself’ All in all I’m just glued to a line, but no matter how bad I want to let go, how fucking bad I want to suffer, and let everyone know, how I want to burn, and make everyone see who the hell I am, how I want to relish in their fucking disappointment, to truly give up, I can’t bring myself to do so. I can’t bring myself to try either honestly, I’m just second in all I do, never enough to fall into a category, good or bad

[holorform]

Sibling's Love.

A door slowly closed as to not alert anyone inside his home and tip toeing his way to his room upstairs. "Now what were you doing outside, little man? Or should I call you: little woman?" A voice stopped his track, he look over to his shoulder and saw his older brother standing behind him, looming his smaller figure. His single eye that inherited their mother is looking down at him. He was tall like their father, about 8 feet high and Teviallio needed to crane his head high to look at his brother. "!ʎoq ɐ ɯ'I ʅɹᴉᵷ ɐ ʇou ɯ'I" He sighed and crossed his arm over his chest. "We all know that your a girl, Teviallia. Your mind is just telling you that your a boy."

"!ʎoq ɐ ɯɐ I ʇnꓭ" Turning around fully to face him with that emoticon of sadness as he stomp his way back downstairs to be in front of him, clearly upset. His brother look down and sighs "Listen, you've been out there recently, don't know why you did that and you only come home at night almost bed time! You could've been kidnapped or something worse could happen to you, your a girl remember that."

"--ƚuᙠ"

"No buts"

"!uɐǝɯ os ɹno⅄"

He ran upstairs as he yell those words to his brother, crying. "Wait Tev I didn't mean it!--" The tall TV man then hears a door shut, he admitted he is mad that his little sister came home late. But he just need to remind her that she's a girl not a boy, she's been going out lately. He remembered she was not always like that, not an outdoor person but an indoor person. And he also noticed she's been avoiding him and their father as best as she could do. She really did changed after what happened to their mother...

After their father killed mother....

He shook his head, he shouldn't be thinking that incident years ago. He walk upstairs and head towards to his sister's room, due to his height he crouched down to knock on the door lightly. No response. He knocked again but he was met with silence, he lean his head on a door and says. "Teviallia, it's me. I wanted to apologize for what I said to you."

"...."

Still, no response from his little sister. "I didn't mean it, I was just worried when you weren't coming home. You've been coming home lately than normal, you weren't always like that. And I thought you were kidnapped or-- or worse! Killed..."

"...." Once again, he was greeted with silence. He sighed as he lean away from the door and stood up. "I understand that you don't want to talk to me... Please remember that I still always love you." With that, he walked away from her room. Giving her some space, and maybe she'll come out from her room and talk to him again like they always do before the incident.

He was right. He's not a boy, he's a girl. It was a harsh truth. But she wanted to be a boy rather than to be a girl. She wanted to be with Tâe forever, but she remembers the rules in Porcelain Kingdom where Tâe lives. A man can marry a woman, but a woman can not marry the same gender. It is impossible to bear a children when both individuals are the same genders.

If she confessed to her, then she'll immediately rejected her because of their rules. She will never have a chance, nor have a future with just the two of them. It was sad, really. Or one should say, cruel reality.

And if-- ah... She's over thinking again. Her small figure curled up into a fetus position as she wrapped her arms to herself like hugging by just herself. She needed a distraction to push those thoughts away. She sat up and slid off the bed, opening a drawer near bedside, she grabbed a headphones and closed the small drawer. She then picked up her phone underneath the bed and turned it on if it is still in full battery, she put out her headphones on and connected it with her phone's Bluetooth.

"Bluetooth connected." After hearing that monotonous voice she immediately scrolled her phone for a perfect music that could sooth her down. And she picked a song called 'A burning memory.' the music sounded old but that's what makes her like it.

Approaching her desk, she pulled the chair and sat down as she lean both of her arms on the table. The music is slowly putting her at ease. Her mood had lighten so she grabbed her sketch pad, pencils, and an eraser from her drawer and begin to draw on what's forming on to her mind. Let her hands control on it owns.

Teviallio-- I mean Teviallia's brother was in his room, sitting down on his desk as he holds a picture of him and his little sibling. If only their mother is still here, none of these would've happened. Tev wouldn't be avoiding him and father every day. Avoiding them like a plague... it hurts, his chest ached when seeing his only sibling avoiding-- ignoring him every day..! If only father did not kill her, then Tev would have been happy like always, not upset like now.

Three days ago, he purposely pretended he was busy with something so father could ask Teviallia. He did that for a reason, he saw how father was pretending like he wasn't hurt by her actions, always avoiding him like a plague. But on the inside, he is in pain-- no, in guilt. Guilty because of what he did, and he should be. He was the reason why she is like this, and the reason why she avoided them both.

When father tried to approach her, she ran away from him. When he tried to make a small talk to her, she stayed silent and did not spoke a single word. That's why he lies about being busy so father could have time with Teviallia. He knows that father wanted to bond with her again after an incident years ago…

The same goes for him too, he wanted to bond with her again and not avoid him like when they were first introduce to each other.

He still remembers how they met, how she had black tv before painting herself to a baby blue colour. He also remembered how Skittish she was when seeing him because of his height that loomed over her small figure, how scared she was when his near. He remembered every detail.

So it is sad to see the progress he did all years ago to gain her trust only for it to be broken to a million of pieces when an incident had happened.

And he wished it never happened.

The image inside the picture he is holding:

[geekbarprincess]

I have a normal relationship with food and my perception of myself

Ever since I was young my dad was weird about food. I mean, when I was really young he was in the army and not home so I don’t even know. But then as I got older he eventually got fired for not being fit enough (I think?). After that he lowkey went crazy. Well, no. This man was crazy from the start. But he went more crazy. This time it was about food.

I remember in elementary school coming home from what felt like a long day, but what was probably just a ‘long day’ of learning multiplication. Whatever. I had math hw to do and I knew it would end with my dad yelling at me and me crying. My thought was “I should eat a snack BEFORE hw so that when dad makes me cry I can just go to my room and go to bed.” It was a rule to ask for food before you ate anything. I always thought it was normal to have to ask before you ate anything. Honestly I’m still not convinced that it’s not normal. I mean it does kinda make sense. If ur kid wants to eat a bunch of junk, they should ask so if it’s around dinner or smth you can tell them no so they’ll have room for dinner. But I had to ask before literally anything. If I hadn’t eaten in 3 days and I was starving, and I went to get something without asking, my dad would freak out.

I remember one time in 9th grade after my parents broke up. I was alone at my dad’s. My dad’s car pulled into the driveway while I was cooking ramen. I hadn’t asked to eat the ramen. I immediately freaked out. Thankfully I didn’t put the noodles in yet. I had only boiled the water. I was so scared my dad would get pissed at me for making something without asking. I was doing online school at the time and he was at work. I hadn’t eaten anything yet that day. It was like 5 pm. I just wanted ramen but I got so scared that he was going to yell at me about it. I got scared I was going to make him mad, and I don’t like being around angry men. He is the reason for that. My first thought was to get rid of the water and put the pot away and take the noodles to my room to eat dry. I picked up the pot, but too fast apparently, because it splashed the boiling water on the side of my lower stomach. It hurt so bad. I was crying. I didn’t want my dad to know. I went to my room crying and put ointment on the burn. I ate the dry ramen noodles.

I guess that’s just some backstory of part of why my relationship with food is weird. Here’s another part of it- I’ve felt fat for my whole life, but I’ve only BEEN fat for a year or 2. When I was in middle school I weighed around 110 lbs. I felt so insecure and big. I wanted to be less than 100. I wanted to be skinny. I started restricting, counting calories, fasting, and purging. I was cutting myself a lot too. I was just doing really bad. I was heavy into sh and ed instagram. I was literally 12. That’s so sad. Thinking about it being me isn’t sad, but like if it was any other 12 year old I would feel awful for them. Whatever though. So my disordered eating behaviors started around 2018/2019.

It got worse again in 9th grade. I was dating a girl who would constantly talk about how she hadn’t eaten in days and how skinny she was getting. I was jealous. I was super skinny at the time, but not good enough. I weighed about the same until the end of 10th grade. Or like the start of 11th grade. I started meds and I gained weight. I’m genuinely convinced the meds are what made me gain weight because I didn’t change my eating habits. It makes me so sad to know that if I never started these stupid fucking meds that don’t even work, I would still be skinny. Maybe. I honestly don’t know. It’s a hunch. Whatever

I’m now 170 something and I hate myself. I have a tummy, which I even had when I was skinny, but obviously it’s bigger now. I hate it. I started going to the gym w my fwb but we stopped talking because I got back w my ex (I mean it’s a W bc I have the love of my life but an L because I lost gym buddy). But ig the perk is, I got boobs. I don’t really know if it’s completely a perk. I mean I kinda like them and they’re really soft. Also I got my nipples pierced and it’s sick asf. If I didn’t have boobs it would look more weird. Whatever. My point is, I used to have a really skinny waist. I’ve never had hips, but I at least was skinny. Now I have no hips, no ass, and I’m fat asf. I hate myself so much.

I’ve been eating so much less lately. I mean when I do eat, I usually eat more calories. But I don’t eat more than a meal a day. I’m trying to cut down to nothing. I’m fasting right now. I’ve decided to go until tomorrow, I mean basically the day after tomorrow. I got a cute little app. I hope that I don’t fold. I don’t have money to be ordering anything and there’s nothing I desperately want here at my house, so I will probably do fine. As long as I drink a lot of water it should be fine. I hardly get hungry anymore. Idk what it is, but I’m really glad. I love it. I’m not losing weight yet because this started fairly recently and I don’t have a scale to know how much I weigh. But I can definitely notice the difference in how much I’m eating and I’m really proud.

This isn’t like…. And Edtumblr account.. I just felt like since nobody will find my page this is an okay place to talk about it. Idk. I mean it went on forever lol nobody would read this all.

Something else that kind of contributes to my issues in this department is that the love of my life also had food problems. He used to/maybe still does, maybe fast and purge, and occasionally work out. It makes me really sad to think about it, but also it feels like competition ? I know that’s an awful thing to say, that you view your romantic partner as competition. But I just felt if he was going to lose weight then why wasn’t I going to? I felt fat. And then after him I did talk to a couple gym bros and they also made me more self conscious about eating and working out. Whatever. I just felt like that part was an important contributor.

I don’t really have much else to say and I don’t know how to end this. More recently I’ve been an observer on edtwt…I just look at thinspo and save weight loss tips. I don’t post anything, god no. Also more recently, as I previously mentioned, I’ve had less appetite lately. I don’t know the reason for that. Maybe it’s because I feel so fucking depressed and suicidal. Literally all I want is to fucking die. I try not to think about it but it’s bad right now. Ermmm LOL sorry for turning emo right there. Anyways, my point is that I have less appetite and GOD BLESS THAT….

Seeing my psychiatrist today! Wish me luck

[mitchellwrites]

ADAM HAYWARD & DANIELA SANTOS | @kirkewrites

How do you make love stay? You don’t. You just ache. You just ache.  // Haunted Heart

Send me “♔” for an aesthetic of our muses’ relationships.

[deaththcekid]

RENGOKU SH COMFORT

Sorry if I haven’t been writing a whole lot guys I’ve just had school and other stuff lol. OKAY SO UHHH…yeah

I’ve been wanted to write a Kny sh short comfort story for a while. As a person who has suffered with sh for a long time I’ve been wanting someone to comfort me for the longest time. So let’s get to it.

Warnings: Self-Harm, Blood, Scars, Blade, insecurities

Rengoku Sh Comfort

When you first got Rengoku you didn’t talk to him about your problem with Self Harming. You’ve tried to stop, and stop, and stop but the rush of pressure and insecurity kept creeping back up to you. One day you just wanted to rot in your bed, you didn’t have any motivation to get up, you just wanted to lay down and cry. You also didn’t talk to him about your insecurities since you have always bottled you your emotions. You just couldn’t take it anymore. You got up opened a secret drawer you had in your room, and pulled out a blade, still has blood on it since the last time you used it. You hated how you look, you hated everything about yourself, your body, face, your personality, your past scars from where you cut, you hated everything. You put the blade up to your wrist and started cutting. The pain, the burning sensation of the blade when you cut deeper into your skin. Blood seeping down your wrist. You stared to cry and cry, nothing was stopping the flow of your tears. You kept cutting deeper and deeper the more cuts you did. Rengoku was away for a mission so you expect him to not be home in a couple on days. The more you kept looking back at your insecurities and your past, you kept going deeper. The flow of insecurities kept getting the best of you. The rush of blood falling down your wrist onto the floor. Before you were gonna do another cut you heard a voice calling out to you. “Oh my little flame in ho-“. As soon as he opened the door he saw you on the floor, crying, bleeding, cutting. He rushed over to you “I-…why?!”. Not knowing what to say. He reached his hand out, “p-please give me the blade!”. You gently gave him the blade still crying. He threw the blade across the room then pulling you into his arms. He started to tear up, “darling why would you do this to yourself”. You started to cry even more. “I’m sorry Rengoku..it’s just that… I cant cope with all of this stuff I’m going through”. You said, “oh little flame, I’m always here for you and if you need someone to talk to I’m right here”. He pulled from the tight hug and looked at the red marks you made on yourself. “Wait here I’ll be right back, don’t move please” he got up and went to get something. When he came back he had Bandages and some alcohol to clean the marks. He sat back down and reached out his hand, “Can I please see your wrist”. You slowly gave him your wrist. He started to disinfect the cuts. Once he put the disinfectant on your wrist you flinched at how bad the stinging was. As he was bandaging it you asked him “A-are you mad at me Kyo?”. “I could never be mad at you.. it’s just that… why didn’t you talk to me about this Y/n?”. Once he was done bandaging it he pulled you into a tight embrace. Tears stared to fall from his eyes. “I was scared to tell you… and I didn’t want you to worry about me”. “Oh Y/n… don’t be scared to talk to me if your feeling sad or insecure”, “I love you so much I never want to see you like this”. You tears stared to creep up on you again. “Shhh it’s okay I’m right here, I’ll always be here for you, and if you need to talk about something I’m right here.” The warmness of his embrace made you feel safe and comfortable. You pulled back and looked into his pretty eyes. “I love you Kyo, and I’ll try to open myself up to you” A big warm smile appeared on his face “I love you too my little flame”. After he said that he kissed you on your lips. Then he started to leave small little kisses all over your face. Then he grabbed your wrist and kissed it very gently. You felt so safe around him. Then he picked you up bridal style “Now lets go get something to eat I’m starving!” You laughed and gave his a kiss. “I love you so much Kyo..” “And I love you so much too my little flame”.

[petersbaby]

This is rough, probably the most triggering thing I’ll ever post. It’s very emo, very dramatic, very stupid but I digress. This sucks but I wanted to get it off my mind. It’s probably best to skip this one

TW SEWERSLIDE TW SH TW DRUGS ANGSTY AND SAD, POTENTIALLY UPSETTING CONTENT ‼️

Eddie x su!c!dal reader

-

“Hey, eds, I love you and I’m so sorry.” You weakly said into the phone.

“I love you too but wait-“ the receiver clicks.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.” He scrambles to throw on a jacket and shoes and stumbles out the door. He jumps in his van and prays it doesn’t go dead this time, because it was a life or death situation. Thankfully, it turned over right away and he started to speed to your house.

The front door was unlocked, but nobody in the driveway so you were definitely there alone. He enters, and starts calling out your name growing more and more desperate each time. He checks your room first, no sign of you. He starts to freak out, he looks down the hall where the bathroom door is closed with the lights on. “Oh fuck.” He goes to try the doorknob but it was locked. “Hey, let me in. Please fucking let me in.”

You heard him faintly, but couldn’t really move or speak, so you stayed on the cool bathroom tile floor. Outside the door, he fumbled with his wallet, digging out an old gift card and starting to unlock the door. The knob clicks open and the door swings in on you. He finds you in the corner, balled up and spaced out.

“Hey hey hey, what the fuck did you do?”

You just start crying. You failed and now he was mad at you.

“Pl-please don’t yell at me..” you slurred, with fear and upset in your voice

“Okay no I wasn’t trying to, I need to know what you did. Let me see your arms.” He grabs your wrists, pushing up the sleeves of your sweater. There were some cuts from a few days prior, nothing recent.

“Hello? Can you tell me? Please tell me.” He scans the room, finding 3 empty medicine bottles lying next to the trash can. He grabs them, frantically trying to assess the situation. One was just a higher than average dose of ibuprofen. One was fluoxetine, your antidepressants. The last was something he did not recognize and it wasn’t your name on the bottle.

“What were these? Who’s were these?” He shows the bottle to you.

“I-dunno, found em in the cabinet…”

“Okay, shit. You’re not gonna die but I do need you to throw up.”

“Please let me. It could still work, I wanna leave.” You beg him desperately.

“You can’t fucking leave, okay??” He shouts, and you flinch. “Now come here.” He grabs you from under your arms and tries to maneuver you to the toilet.

“Please try. The quicker the better, try to get it out.” He asks, as he slides the hair tie off your wrist to messily put your hair back.

“You won’t FUCKING TRY.” He’s just so scared. He gets closer and puts two fingers in your mouth harshly, hitting the back of your throat and making you gag. He does this a few times before you start to finally show signs of being close to vomiting. Eventually, you start to throw up right as he removes his fingers to get them out of the way. You continue, esophagus burning and tears streaming down your face.

“It’s okay, you’re okay, keep going. I know there’s more.” There was, and once you had nothing left in you, you weakly fell backwards, almost hitting your head on the wall. “Umm, shit, stay here.” He runs to the kitchen to get a glass, filling it up with sink water and then handing it to you.

“Drink it, please, for me.” You still had not stopped crying, so upset that you failed again and that you just ruined your friendship with Eddie forever. Not only that, but you probably scarred him for life. You do your best to drink between sobs. He sits in the floor next to you and pulls your body to him, holding you with his arms around you. He pets your messy hair, getting the sweaty strands off of your forehead.

“I’m so tired.” You murmur against his chest.

“I know.”

He doesn’t know if you mean literally or mentally, but either way, he understands.

-

About an hour later, he helps you to your bed and sits on it with you.

“You’re gonna tell, aren’t you? I’m gonna get sent away.” You say, staring blankly into the distance.

“I know you don’t want to get sent away, trust me, I don’t want you to either. I’m gonna have to talk to your mom, okay, and we’re gonna figure out what’s best to do for you.

“Okay.” You confirm, defeated.

“God, just- just let me appreciate the fact you’re still alive. I’m so glad you didn’t take more than you did. You scared the fuck out of me.”

“I’m sorry. We’re not- I know we’re not friends anymore” you say, having already accepted that. You fucked up really bad and there was no coming back from it.

“What? You don’t want to be friends with me anymore?” His expression is hurt.

“No, you.”

“Me… me what?”

“You,” you slur, pointing at him, “you hate me after this. If you don’t already, you will. I promise you will.”

“No, no, I could never hate you. Never. I’m not mad at you. You’re hurt, you’re just hurting and that’s not your fault.”

You start to cry.

“Do you mean that?”

“Yeah, of course. I mean it.”

“You aren’t gonna leave like everyone else?”

“No, I’m not leaving.”

“I love you,” you say meekly between sniffles.

“I love you too. I’m gonna go see if you have anything to eat, okay? You need to eat, soak up any shit that’s still in your stomach.”

“Okay.”

You drift away to sleep as soon as he steps out the door.

[absolutewhore101]

I'm Here When You're Ready

Pairing: Luke Hemmings x GN!Reader

Summary: Luke is there when you're ready to let it all out

Warnings: depiction/talk of mental health

Word Count: 800

Minors DNI

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The love you and Luke shared was nothing short of pure.  

The light touches, the lingering stares, the soft words – it was innocent, the definition of love.  

You could read each other easily. It was easy to tell when the other was having a rough day, when they needed a little help.  

The only problem was, after years of practice, you got incredibly good at acting like everything was okay. Like you weren’t entirely breaking inside. Like you were fine.  

Luke could see right through it. Right through the carefully constructed mask that fooled the rest of the world, right to your heart. It was very, very frustrating.  

The look on your face immediately gave away how you were feeling. Your lips were slightly turned down, your brows furrowed just barely, but it was the look in your eyes that truly gave you away.  

The look of desperation and hopelessness. The look of sadness and anxiety.  

Luke knew that you had a hard enough time with him knowing how you felt, so it was easy to imagine how you would’ve felt about the rest of the boys knowing.  

So he kept it to himself, waited until he could get you alone to ask what was bothering you so much, how he could help.  

Your eyes followed Luke around the room, watching as his eyes flicked over to you every few seconds. You wished you could be mad that he knew, but you truly couldn’t. There was no feeling quite like someone knowing you enough that you didn’t have to say anything was wrong for them to know.  

Ashton got up to go to the bathroom, leaving you, Luke, Mikey, and Calum in the room.  

Mikey left to get food, leaving you, Luke, and Calum.  

You were hoping that Calum would stay until one of the other boys returned. You knew Luke wouldn’t say anything in front of them, and you weren’t quite ready to talk yet.  

Unfortunately, Calum got a phone call and left the room to take it, leaving you and Luke on your own.  

You quickly pulled out your phone, busying yourself with scrolling through whatever app you clicked on first.  

“Honey,” Luke started, making his way over to you, “do you want to talk about it?” 

“No.” You answered shortly. Luke couldn’t say he was shocked by your answer or your tone. It was always a challenge to get you to talk about how you were feeling, even harder to do when you were upset.  

He nodded, sitting down next to you. You leaned your head on his shoulder, enjoying the warmth he provided. His arm wrapped around your shoulders, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, bringing a smile to your face.  

Ashton walked in, taking his seat back on your other side. You turned your body, kicking your legs up into his lap as you laid across Luke’s lap.  

Luke’s hand immediately fell into your hair, Ashton’s resting across your shins as he allowed your legs to stay there.  

A few hours later, you and Luke were finally alone for the night, and he could tell that whatever was on your mind was bothering you more than it was a few hours ago.  

“If you still don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine, but I’m here when you’re ready.” Luke told you as you were cleaning up the kitchen.  

“I know.” You said, not turning from where you were.  

He nodded, slightly hurt that you didn’t seem to trust him enough to talk to him.  

His words were bouncing around in your head.  

I’m here when you’re ready. I’m here when you’re ready. I’m here when you’re ready.  

Tears burned at the back of your eyes, but you willed them not to fall. You finally turned around, and one look at Luke made it all spill out.  

The thoughts plaguing you for the past week were finally out in the open, finally in Luke’s head just like they were in your own. 

When you were finished, there was a few seconds of silence before Luke reached out to you, gently grabbing your shoulders and softly pulling you into his chest.  

When you were firmly situated against him, he leaned down and placed a sweet kiss on your forehead.  

Within seconds, you were broken down into heaving sobs, your entire body shaking as you finally let it out.  

Luke held you, not saying anything, just rocking the two of you back and forth. You weren’t sure how long passed before your eyes were dry and your throat sore, but eventually you pulled back to look up at Luke.  

“No one’s ever done that for me before.” You told him.  

He smiled, squeezing your waist.  

“I’ll always be here to do it for you.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tell me your thoughts! Thank you for reading :)

[parchmentedpetrichor]

➳all the king's men ♡ ☾

in which all the king's men couldn't put the pieces of y/n l/n together. we all have the days where we're insecure and broken, this is one of hers.

fred weasley x fem!reader

word count: ±1.8k

tw: insecurity, bullying

please if you are having overly harmful thoughts about yourself, talk to a friend or a professional. you are perfect the way you are and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

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it's so sad that the best people tend to think the worst of themselves

all the king's men

y/n, for lack of a better description, was feeling like humpty dumpty. she had seen herself in the mirror last night, and felt positively traumatised. she had come back from a quidditch practice session, and the results were quite terrifying.

she didn't understand. quidditch made the guys more toned and even a few of her teammates had abs. what did it do to her? well, it made her shoulders broad, which she thought was highly unattractive to anyone, and not at all slim! sure, it was fun and kept her fit, but terribly horrible, in her opinion, in trying to fit in to the beautiful girls that went to hogwarts.

she admired angie johnson and cho chang and ginny. she really did. y/n knew how hard it was to be beautiful, and she liked when other people were so beautifully beautiful. it just made her feel terrible, because what was the chance of her keeping her boyfriend in fred weasley when fiercely pretty girls were dancing elegantly around her?

there wasn't any time to be mopey and sad, so she gathered all her books and immediately went to breakfast. she didn't even bother going over to fred and greeting him. she saw how happy he was laughing with george and lee. surely she wouldn't bother him. instead she plopped down next to alicia.

"you ok?" alicia spinnet asked her.

she nodded, "fine."

"you sure?"

"no."

"wanna talk about it?"

"do you think it's too early to get plastic surgery?" y/n joked in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"what the fuck, no. what's up?" alicia's eyes were lit with concern.

"i don't feel pretty," her voice was but a whisper.

alicia caught it.

"why? you're literally adorable."

"you're my best friend, you're supposed to tell me that."

"hmm, nah, i truly believe it."

"well i don't," y/n said miserably.

"oi, l/n, your hair down today?" adrian pucey snarled, "it's gonna give me aids."

a few students snorted.

"you can get aids then. shut your mouth," y/n retorted back.

the whole school look startled. was this the same, prefect, goody-two-shoes y/n l/n?

adrian pucey opened his mouth.

"i said shut. your. mouth."

fred weasley watched in a mixture of furiousness and pride. he knew that pucey had a crush on y/n too. he was just terrible in expressing it. fred didn't like the way y/n's eyes sadly flitted to alicia afterwards. and she hadn't come up to him and given him a kiss today. maybe she just wanted a bit of space??

"see?" y/n sighed, "not even my hair is pretty." she tied it up.

alicia laughed, "adrian just wants your attention."

that made y/n laugh. "why? why?" it was a rhetorical question. she got up, and smiled at adrian in the most menacing way that he shrunk.

"miss l/n, your outburst was quite rude-" snape began.

"my apologies professor, of course, i was in the wrong. adrian pucey brought the topic surrounding my hair up, called it ugly. now what would you do if a student called your hair ugly?" y/n said, eyes burning with fury but conscience too good to lose her temper.

"i-i would give them a scolding."

"likewise. good day, professor."

"fucking hell, he is such a sh-" alicia muttered as she got up and followed y/n out to class.

"ali, that's enough," their retreating voices could be heard.

fred kept his eye on y/n through the day, giving her the space he thought she needed.

she looked very like her normal self, until she encountered pucey again.

"l/n, nice squinty eyes," pucey laughed.

y/n's shoulders sagged. her eyes dimmed and she let her ponytail fall in front of her face.

"ponytail won't fix them," he laughed meanly, "can they fix your dumpling body?"

fred frowned deeply, "fuck off, adrian," he angrily said, "that's my girlfriend you're talking to."

"oh, you have someone like weasley to save you? i don't even think you deserve him as a boyfriend."

y/n didn't answer, fearing that tears would spill out of her eyes. she had just been feeling worse and worse about herself. instead, when the bell signalled the end of classes, she hurried quickly off to wherever, trying to pull herself together.

she felt like she was at the bottom of the earth. her eyes finally let go of the tears that needed to be spilt. she leant sobbing against a stout tree in the forbidden forest, head slumped gloomily against the trunk, eyes trying to find anything, anything, that could be remotely comforting and hands fiddling nervously with the flowers that bloomed happily around her. her whole body shook in anxiety. she wished she had her mum or dad here to help her. but they were back at home.

how did fred love her?

she wished she didn't have stupid hair or squinty eyes or a dumpling body. but she couldn't ignore the mean, yet so true, remarks about her body adrian made. they were morally wrong and he deserved to be stabbed, but they were factual. she used to just laugh and joke about him too, but now she realised that maybe she should pay more attention to the way she eats and works and the way she talks and looks and presents herself and put more makeup on and-

fred found her crying there, by the little pond, shrinking away from the mere sight of her own appearance. he didn't get it.

well, he did, but he didn't know why such a beautiful girl like his girlfriend was crying.

"y/n?"

she flinched and stopped crying.

"sorry, i'll leave. i don't think you want a dumpling of a girlfriend sharing this nice space," she attempted to joke, but it fell short. she wasn't joking anymore. her tone was serious and genuine. the unexpected good nature pucey's remarks were received in usually was gone, and for good reason. it had broken her into the tiniest little pieces.

fred felt it. he felt his heart stop.

"is this about what pucey said to you, lovely?" he asked gently, cupping her cheek, and pulling her close to him.

she nodded, feeling immensely better already. the smell of him made her calm down insanely.

"so you don't want space?"

"n-no, i was just..." she trailed off uncertainly.

"mhm?" he looked at her and waited.

"it's silly."

"well, it's got you crying, i don't think so."

"the stuff a-adrian says is true," her voice was quiet and small.

fred frowned.

"i'm not cute or elegant or even hot," she continued, "i-i'm not as pretty as anyone here."

"well, my little love, if my opinion even matters, you are stunning. i think you're the prettiest person in the world, both on skin and in here," he patted his own heart, "do you know how long i pined after you?"

"no?"

"i'm still pining after you, gorgeous."

"d-do you mean it when you say gorgeous?" her eyes were broken and teary.

"of course. it hurts me when you are upset. because you are gorgeous and much more because you are so nice and good to me and to everyone else too. pucey's a complete shithead and when i next see him i will bash his head in. i'm so sorry i didn't notice, love, i thought you were mad at me."

"no it's fine, i just don't understand. you're fred weasley. so many girl's want you and you-you choose...me?," a sad frown was etched on her face, her tone confused.

"y/n, you're my only choice. i don't want the other girls. i can see the appeal of you. i-i know i'm not the best with words like you, but i really care about you. i love you, i adore you, you're the bestest person i've ever met."

and he knows he's brought the happiness back in her. she giggled. he felt relieved, because he knew he wasn't good at all at comforting people and y/n was so special to him- why didn't he say that earlier to her?

"bestest isn't a word, freddie."

"well you get what i mean, right? you're really special to me," there it was.

she nodded slowly, a small smile forming on her lips as she kissed him on the lips, before snuggling closer to him.

"darling, wouldn't you rather go back to the castle to cuddle?"

hesitantly, she shook her head.

"why?"

"'drian's there."

"adrian cannot hurt you, okay? whatever he tells you is wrong. he's wrong," he gently says, pulling her close to him, "besides, if he does, i'm here, and you're strong."

"i just cried about it, i can't be strong."

"crying doesn't mean you're weak, darling, sometimes we all cry and that's okay."

y/n nodded.

"here, i brought this for you, maybe it's a comfort??" he blushed as he handed her his quidditch hoodie.

she grinned and put it on.

he couldn't stop blushing at the sight of her, so he tilted his face away to save himself the embarrassment.

noticing and mistaking his turned away head for disgust, y/n took the hoodie off, downcastedly handing it back to him.

"sorry," she gave a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes as fred looked at her in confusion.

"y-you can have it back, yeah, there's no need to hide your shame, here, s-sorry," she stuttered out.

"shame?" he asked, looking worriedly down at her.

"mhm," she fiddled with the hem of her shirt, "sorry."

he finally understood.

"angel, look at me."

she reluctantly looked up at him.

"i wasn't feeling disgusted at all. i-i was actually embarrassed because i was blushing," his cheeks heated up again, "like i probably am right now. you're too beautiful. i was blushing too much."

"oh."

"yeah. now put it back on," he demanded, as he cheekily tugged the jumper over her head, blushing again as he saw her standing there in his jumper.

"c'mon!" he said, carrying y/n's school bag as they made their way to the castle, his arm wrapped protectively around his waist and the bright gold letters on the back of his sweater shining for anyone and everyone to see.

they didn't see pucey, thank goodness and they ended up talking with george and katie bell and angie and alicia by the fire.

as y/n smiled and giggled with katie over something highly scandalous, fred had his eyes on her, not so much monitoring her, but he couldn't keep them off of her.

when he had noticed her words start to become short and slightly slurred by tiredness, he lead her back to her dormitory.

"feeling better princess?"

she nodded, "you're so good to me, freddie. i love you."

it made his heart swell with happiness.

"i'd go to the moon and back for you, y/n."

she smiled drowsily, "and i, you."

[httpdabi]

"Swallow it“

Step siblings, enemies, to lovers.

Word Count: 8.1k

Genre: romance, smut

Warnings: 18+, spit kink, public sex, creampie, unprotected sex, fingering, stepcest (THEY ARE NOT BLOOD RELATED)

,,Open your mouth’’ little Touya said, hiding the small piece of sweet chocolate behind his back happily. Tapping in one place as he waited excitedly. You did as he told hoping he won’t pull any of his stupid pranks. But somehow, you always end up doing what he wanted, trusting your Niichan.

You excitedly clapped your hands once you tasted the sweet taste of the chocolate, smile appearing on your face. ,, Don’t swallow it so fast’’ he said, a little bit disappointed that you didn’t enjoy the taste a bit longer, but it was already done. Chewing few times, you swallowed it.

At the age of 6, your father met Rei. Divorced mother, giving her best to raise her child as good as possible. It didn’t took them long to fall in love with each other, finding the comfort in each other. They both suffered the same way, so it was like a match made in heaven.

Once they married and Rei moved in with her son that was just one year older then you, your heart was almost blowing from all the happiness. You always wanted to have older brother to play with, to protect you and to love you. And Touya was all you wished for. Touya accepted you, not minding that you aren’t blood related. None of you didn’t mind it, since your parents taught you better.

,,Kids, dinner is ready’’ your stepmother said loud enough for you two to hear her. Annoyed that you have to stop the play, you and Touya made your way downstairs, Touya mumbling under his breath how he’s not even hungry.

Your smiled widely once you saw that Rei made your favorite dish, Lasagna. Jumping on the chair, you took the fork and waited for everyone to sit down so all of you could thank God for the dinner and finally eat.

,,Ahhh’’ Touya said, ready to feed you with your favorite dish. Opening your mouth you couldn’t wait to taste it finally, it was such a long time since you’ve ate it. Chewing it fast, you swallowed it in a second, making Touya roll his eyes on you ,, Don’t swallow it yet omg ‘’ he said frustrated with you, making your parents laugh finding it adorable how their kids get along.

,, He told me that I’m ugly Niichan’’ you cried out loud, feeling embarrassed and disappointed. It was your first crush, and yet he called you ugly in front of everyone in the class. You didn’t cry in front of them, but once you found yourself in front of your older brother, you couldn’t stop the small sobs coming from your mouth. You knew that kids were rude, but you still expected less.

,, You are the most beautiful girl in the whole world’’ he said angrily. How dare someone breaks his little sisters heart ? Even tho he was so mad he could burn everyone down, he calmed down, taking one small Schoko-Bon out of his pocket and unwrapping it.

,,Close your eyes’’ he said smiling, his hand on your head patting it slowly. You did as you were told, tears rolling down your cheeks. He didn’t even have to tell you what to do, you opened your mouth waiting for Touya’s surprise. Once he placed the sweet in your mouth, you started chewing it.

Touya’s blood was boiling, that’s not how you eat Schoko-Bon. If you weren’t so sad, he would definitely lecture you how you have to let it melt in your mouth to feel the beautiful sweet taste, but he simply let you have it your way.

,, Should I swallow it ?’’ You rubbed your eyes, cleaning the tears away. You hoped you ate it how he wants, but every time you eat something, you simply had to eat it fast.

,, Swallow it’’ Touya said. It was already too late, you’ve already destroyed the real pleasure the candy was offering you. You were so weird, he thought to himself.

It was midnight, when you tiptoed into Touya’s room, not being able to fall asleep. At your luck, Touya was still awake, playing with his Dragon your father bought him. He was happy that you were there, even tho you were a girl, he always loved to play with you.

,, Oh my god, yess, yess, yess. ‘’ you two heard Rei, giving each others confused looks. ,, Niichan, what is mommy doing?’’ you asked, petting his Dragon slowly.

,, She’s praying, obviously’’ your Niichan said proudly, telling you how it’s probably the best if you two pray too. Of course, once again you did as he told you, praying together with him.

At the age of 16, you found yourself having more friends then you expected. Even tho your parents were encouraging you to live a little, you loved more to spend your time with Niichan then with your friends. If you could, you would spend every minute, every second with him. Your lovely Niichan. If only he felt the same. You were sad when his friends would come over, and he would ignore you.

Once he finally called your name, even tho his friends were over, you almost died out of happiness. Making your way to his room happily, you hoped they will let you spend some time with them.

,, Sit here’’ Touya was tapping with his hand beside him. His friends sitting on the floor. You sat fast beside him, listening to your older brother not wanting to embarrass him in front of his friends.

,, Want something sweet ?’’ Touya asked, making you smile innocently. Once you closed your eyes and opened your mouth , you felt one long and sour Haribo in your mouth. It wasn’t so sour as it was supposed to be, but you still didn’t like the taste of it. Still, chewing it fast and swallowing it, making a weird face.

Touya and two other boys laughed, while Touya was petting your head. ,, Go do your homework, your Niichan will correct it later’’ he said smiling. Once you got out of the room, you could hear the boys laugh saying something about indirect kiss, which you didn’t understand.

,, IT’S HER FOULT TOO! ARE YOU BLIND ?? SHE WAS LEADING HIM ON ALL THE TIME’’ you heard your stepmom scream, not sure what was going on you just ignored them and made your way upstairs slowly.

,, YOU ARE INSANE, HOW DID SH-´´ your father was cut of in the middle of yelling. ,, CAN’T YOU SEE WHAT SHE’S WEARIGN? HOW SHE’S BEHAVING??’’ Rei screamed, loud steps coming your direction as you were about to knock at Touya’s door.

,, DON’T YOU DARE GET INSIDE THAT ROOM’’ Rei screamed. You didn’t understand what was going on. When you left home, everything was very normal, but just two hours later you faced the scary fight your parents prepared.

Their first and last fight. Since after that fight Rei packed her and Touya’s stuff leaving that same night. Looking at Touya, he just passed by you, afraid even to look at you, while his mother was pulling the sleeve of his sweather.

After that night you didn’t see Touya or Rei. Your father was trying to explain to you what happened that night, failing completely. Every night you would cry yourself to sleep, missing Touya. Every day your father would tell you tons of shit about Touya, saying how that boy was devil. How it’s much better it ended this way.

You remembered how your parents weren’t that happy as he was feeding you with the strawberry. Both of them looking at each other as if you did something so terrible.

As the years passed, instead of sadness, you felt so mad. You developed so much hate toward Touya. Why didn’t he contact you ? Not even once. You heard that he and Rei moved in other city shortly after the huge fight. No one told you directly, it was just a rumor for you. Sadly that rumor ended up being truth, since after that night every trace of him disappeared.

Every night you would check your phone, getting mad after seeing that he didn’t contact you, even tho it was so easily to. With instagram and facebook, it was so easy to contact anyone these days. Every time you saw a message or call from unknown number, your heart would go crazy only to find out it was a mistake and on the other line wasn’t him.

,,You have to keep your elbow up and don’t move your upper arm once you throw it’’ Shiggy told you calmly, trying to teach you how to throw that fucking dart. If someone told you that you will start hanging out with your ex brothers best friends, you wouldn’t believe them. Throwing the dart, it ended up at the end of the board, giving you no points.

,, She’ll never learn’’ Kai chuckled, wrapping his arm around your best friend Momo. Rolling your eyes, you wanted to prove yourself, throwing another one but missing again.

Shiggy’s cellphone started vibrating. Not paying any attention to it you just continued throwing the darts around uselessly, while he was facetiming someone. ,, Look who I’m hanging out with’’ he said, placing the phone in front of you, as his head popped beside your own with a big smile formed on his face. Once you moved your focus from the dartboard to his phone, you felt your heart sink, making you feel sick in your stomach.

,,Get that motherfucker out of my face’’ you hissed, pushing the phone away from you and throwing the darts with all the power your had, not giving a shit about the instruction Shiggy gave you few minutes ago. The fact that Touya was in contact with him almost made you throw up from all the anger. Shiggy froze in shock, not expecting that kind of reaction from you, fast moving away from you.

Years passed, and he never contacted you even once.

NASTY MOTHERFUCKER, you thought to yourself, biting your lip in anger.

After the call ended, none of them had courage to ask you what was that about, letting it go simply as that and never mentioning anything about it again. Not even Momo.

You were excited for your hard earned summer holidays. You didn’t plan much, but you were just happy that you could spend the time with your friends without stressing about work or anything.

,,What movie do you want to watch tonight ?’’ your father asked, placing the pizza you just bought in the oven, while you were preparing all the snacks.

,,Hmm..’’ you sighed, thinking. ,, Dumbo’’ you said happily. Momo always laughed at you for watching Disney movies. But in your defense, no one is too old for Disney. You just loved to cuddle yourself in blanket, with warm cocoa drink in your hand and watch some old Disney movie.

Your father laughed loudly once he saw you tearing up, then sobbing when those assholes started separating Dumbo’s mom from him. You were a crying mess every now and then.

,,So, do you have a boyfriend?’’ your father asked, trying to be a good father figure to you and open a conversation, telling you that he would love to meet your boyfriend in the future, only to push his lips into a think line once you told him that you don’t have one.

You laughed when he asked you if you are a lesbian, telling you how he would support you. ,, No dad, I’m not ‘’ you laughed out taking your phone and opening your Instagram feed.

,, Darling, you are really paying so much attention to that silly device ’’ he said. He was always against phones and almost any electronic, always telling you how was it when he was younger.

,, Dad, I want to delete all my social media so bad, but what the fuck am I gonna do ? Go for a walk?’’ you said, as you replied to a text from Momo.

,, Ah whatever, I’m gonna take a nap.’’ He said, standing up as he took the glasses from the table, making his way to the kitchen to clean them.

,,And I’m gonna make your wish come true, and go socialize with people’’ you said, helping him out with cleaning.

Since it was pretty warm, you wore your plaid skirt and simple white shirt. Hopping into your nike airforce, you took wallet and made your way out, to meet Momo in the café.

She wasn’t alone, of course. Shiggy and Kai were there as well, waving their hands at you, like you couldn’t see them. You loved the dull lightning of the café you spent so much time in. Greeting them all, you hopped in the armchair beside Shiggy, crossing your legs as you decided what you want to drink.

,, Dabi, my man’’ Kai said, standing up, hugging the man that just walked in. Still focused on the small menu with different kind of drinks. Looking up at the tattooed man, your felt your blood boiling as he offered you his hand. You just ignored him, acting as you still didn’t decide what to drink.

A knot formed in your throat, giving you the feeling if you say even one word, you will end up sobbing in front of them.

,, It was about time’’ Shiggy said not hiding his happiness, while all you wanted to do is vomit all over the table.

,, Yeah, I wanted to visit sooner, but I couldn’t’’ Touya said, as you played with your phone, trying to ignore his whole existence. In the moment the waiter asked you what you want to drink, you were too scared to say anything. Knowing that you were about to break down any time.

,, Hot chocolate please’’ you said quietly, smiling softly to the waiter you knew now for the ages. Standing up, you excused yourself and made your way to the toilet. Taking few deep breaths, you took a cigarette out of your bag and lit one in the toilet.

Trying to think about how much he hurt you. You made yourself believe that he doesn’t deserve your sadness. ,,Get your shit together’’ you said to yourself, inhaling the smoke of the cigarette deeply, before going back to your friends and that fucking asshole.

,, Hawks bought you a cake’’ Shiggy said, pointing at the cake beside the hot chocolate. You turned off cigarette and sat down, fixing your skirt.

Touya couldn’t keep his eyes of you, the fact that you were ignoring him was eating him alive. He didn’t give a fuck about all the questions coming from Shiggy’s mouth, all he wanted to do is talk with you. Looking you vacuuming the cake in front of you, he couldn’t help but smile.

,, I love youuu Hawks’’ You screamed, eyes closed and mouth full. ,, Taste’s good?’’ you heard his voice and you nodded happily to him, thankful that he noticed your fucked up mood.

,, How’s your mother ?’’ Kai asked, curious about Touya’s life.

,, Yes Touya, how’s your mother?’’ you gritted, finished the cake. If a stare could kill, Touya would be long dead by now. Momo looked at you confused by your sudden behavior.

,, She’s good. Always stressing me out’’ he laughed, taking a cigarette and lighting it up. You did the same thing as he did. Every word coming out of his mouth making you more angry if that was even possible.

,, I saw a photo of you two on your instagram, I’m glad she’s good’’ Shiggy said genuinely, being a good friend as always.

,, Yes Touya, I saw it too. I love the feed of your instagram. So aesthetic’’ you hissed puffing on your cigarette. At this point you didn’t care about the fact that you made the air hard to breath for everyone. They didn’t know what actually happened.

Touya’s eyes were getting darker with every word you spat, like he was getting mad about it. None of your friends dared to say anything, afraid that you’ll spill more oil onto the fire.

,, Anyway..’’ Shiggy broke the tension. ,, your username is so weird’’ he said, trying to find words that won’t make the situation worse, but failing miserably.

,, Such a weird username Niichan’’ you said, saying the last word thru your gritted teeth as you bit hard onto the straw, finishing your hot chocolate.

,, What’s your problem ?’’ Touya hissed, leaning over the table.

,,You are my problem, you tattooed piece of shit’’ You hissed, biting the straw even harder as you leaned over the table. Your behavior surprised him. He didn’t expect from you much after everything that happened. But what he didn’t expect at all, was the rude behavior you were giving him at the moment. You were always so sweet to him.

,, Guess you’ll have to deal with it then’’ he said. You wanted to wipe that fucking smirk from his face away. In your opinion, he was the one who was supposed to stay quiet. He was the one who didn’t bother to message you even once, he was the one who hurt you.

,, I dealt with your shit for a long time, so sell it to someone else’’ you said, as you placed the money on the table, getting ready to leave. Sure, you could sit there and argue with him till tomorrow, cursing him out and saying anything that got on your mind, but there was no need for it. He didn’t deserve even the bad words coming out of your mouth.

,,Ah come on guys, don’t fight’’ Shiggy said awkwardly, standing up once he realized that you were about to leave. You just ignored him, as you took your bag and made your way out.

,, Wait’’ you heard Shiggy’s voice once you got out. You didn’t want to turn around or stop, but of course he was fast enough to catch you. If he thought that there was even the smallest chance to change your mind, he was so wrong.

,,What ?’’ you snapped, still walking. You didn’t want to listen to anyone at all. Not even Shiggy, or Momo or anyone on this fucking world.

,,What was this all about? Don’t you think you’re overacting ?’’ he asked as he stopped you from walking. Your eyes widened at his words, almost shaking out of anger that he dared to say these word without thinking at all.

,,OVERACTING? WHO EVEN INVITED THAT MOTHERFUCKER’’ you yelled, ready to burn the whole place up.

,, We did, we thought you’ll be happy about it too’’ he said placing his hands in the pockets of his black hoodie. Happy? Happiness was the last thing you felt the moment you saw him.

,,Well, I’m not. Call me when he leaves’’ you said, leaving Shiggy all alone. Shiggy didn’t have his hopes high, but he still wanted to try to stop you from leaving.

Once you finally got home, you were glad that your father had change of plans. You were keeping your shit together, not wanting to wake him up. But once you found a small piece of paper on the kitchen counter saying that he’s out with his friend, watching some soccer game, you started crying. Loudly.

You wished he was dead.

How could he do this to you? Come back and act like you were someone he just met. You cried a lot because of him, but nothing could compare to tears that were rolling down your cheeks at the moment. You forced yourself to wash the make up of your face, before you found yourself buried into your pillow, sobbing into it.

The moment you heard the lock of the door and your father entering the house, you chocked your last cry, not wanting to worry him or to find out that Touya was back.

,, Did you fight with your friends?’’ Your father asked as he ate the eggs you prepared for him. Of course your father noticed the sudden change in your behavior. Of course he noticed that you didn’t leave the house last three days.

,, Yeah’’ you lied.

The three of them contacted you more times, begging you to meet them. Saying how you can simply ignore Touya and just meet them. It was easy for them to say something like that, since they didn’t know what happened. They didn’t know how much you suffered all these years.

When your father left for work, you found yourself alone once again. Since it was pretty early, you thought it would be alright if you go grab a coffee. As much as you remember, Hawks has morning shift on Friday, it wouldn’t harm you to chat with him a bit.

You wore your simple skirt, and choose a random baggy shirt, before you lazily made your way to the café.

Even tho the morning sun was really strong, the dark windows and the dull lights of your favorite café killed every sign of it. You loved the chilly and relaxing atmosphere of the café, and you loved that always the same people visited it.

,, What’s my favorite girl doing here so early’’ Hawks smiled, once he saw you sitting on the table he chills at when there aren’t many costumers. Somehow he always managed to figure out your feelings, trying to cheer you up with a cake or too much whipping cream on your hot chocolate.

,, Missed me a bit?’’ he joked as he prepared your favorite coffee for you. You just rolled your eyes lazily at him, as you took one cigarette and placed it between your lips.

,, You make the best coffee Hawks’’ you said honestly taking a sip of it. The too sweet taste of it made you close your sleepy eyes and enjoy it fully.

,, It’s because it’s made with love’’ he said as you cringed on his comment. You took the cellphone out of your bag and scrolled your Instagram feed, liking some photos of the strangers you follow.

While you were just scrolling thru your phone, and chatted with Hawks, every now and then he would sit down with you, you noticed the tall figure that entered the café. Eyes meeting with his, you broke the eye contact like it never happened.

He sat in the armchair on the other side of the room, facing you as Hawks made his way toward him happily.

Not paying any attention to him, you just tried to stay focused on your phone and the tasty coffee Hawks made for you. But you could feel him stare. You felt his eyes burn into you and once you looked up, you were right. Touya was simply sitting there, his head leaned back into the armchair as he looked at you shamelessly, not trying to hide it.

The whole time he sat there, he didn’t even touch his phone or coffee, totally focused on you. Not caring if he’s making you uncomfortable or anything like that. At one point you were done with his shit, you rolled your eyes and told Hawks that you will go out on the terrace. You didn’t really want to go out, but you wanted to avoid his stare in any way possible and going home wasn’t really a solution for you, since you would show him that he’s winning again.

You didn’t want to watch his face.

There were more people on the terrace, since everyone normal would like to enjoy the sun and beautiful weather. Greeting the people you knew, you sat under opened window where Hawks table was.

,,Want another iced coffee?’’ Hawks asked, his upper body peeking from the tall window. You nodded your head, as you placed your legs on the other empty chair, getting yourself comfortable and trying to ignore Touya’s presence.

,, How are you and I missed you is more appropriate way to greet someone you didn’t see for such a long time’’ you heard a deep voice you didn’t want to acknowledge. Looking on your phone and acting as you were actually busy with it.

,, Fuck off’’ you hissed, looking up at him when you realized that he isn’t leaving.

,, That’s not a nice way to talk to your Niichan’’ he said as he comfortably sat beside you. You were about to stand up and leave him, but a firm hand was on your tight putting you back into the chair.

,, You’re not going anywhere’’ he said, his hand still on your tight.

,, Would be much better if you just ignored my existence like you did all this years’’ you said, trying to push his hand away, only to end up failing. He got so much stronger over these years. Touya swallowed at your words, taking a deep breath not knowing what to say, as you tried to wiggle out of his grip once again.

,, Didn’t think you would hate me this much’’ He said as he took one cigarette and lit it up, doing it all with one hand, while his other hand was still making sure you won’t leave.

The message you’ve received from your father made you forget about the person sitting next to you for a second.

,, I don’t know what happened between you and your friends, but don’t let some silly reason break your friendship. You will regret it later. Say if you need some snacks, ly’’

He was right. Why would you ignore your friends just because this piece of shit came back after all those years.

He. Was. Not. Worth. It.

,, Move that dirty hand away from me before I break it ‘’ you hissed at him.

,,Ouch’’ he said sarcastically acting all hurt suddenly, placing the same hand over his heart. He was about to say something, but was stopped with Shiggy’s voice all of sudden.

,, Finally’’ he said hopping beside you two. You were about to leave, but your fathers words were in your mind.

You sat there quietly, answering to Shiggy’s question every now and then and ignoring Touya’s existence. Shiggy didn’t want to push you, so he just let you be, he was glad that you were with them at that moment.

,, We are going to Momo’s holiday cabin this evening. Come with us!’’ he said. Momo planned to visit you today and ask you, but since Shiggy already met you, he hoped luck will be on his side.

,, Sure. What time ?’’ you simply asked. Touya raised his eyebrows in surprise, while Shiggy gave you a high five happily.

,, We’ll pick you up at 17PM. OK?’’ he said and you just nodded in agreement. There’s no way you’ll let him ruin your summer holiday you were so looking forward to. You deserved to have some fun with your friends. Fuck that tattooed grinch.

Since a sleepover was planned, you packed your pajama, phone charger, hoodie and few things you needed into you bag. You sent a message to your father thanking him for his message, and saying that you will spend your night with them.

When they arrived, you saw that Momo was sitting next to the Kai who was driving. You were about to hop behind Kai, but Shiggy told you to move in the middle since you were the smallest one and don’t need much place as he and Dabi need.

Discrimination, you thought to yourself, as you sat in the middle. Trying to cuddle yourself to Shiggy and get away from Touya as much as possible. Acting like the smallest touch of him would actually kill you.

,, Can you move your fucking legs away, you are acting like you own this fucking car’’ you hissed pushing his long legs to the side with your knee.

,, Then sit in his fucking lap if I’m bothering you so much’’ Touya snapped back while taking even more place from you on purpose.

,, Who let this sidekick tag along anyway?’’ you said pushing his legs once more, making Momo laugh. Dabi found it cute how you weren’t even try to hide all the anger that was boiling in you and he only wanted to trigger you more if it was possible.

It was 8PM when you finally arrived. Maybe you could have arrived sooner, but every time Kai would speed up a bit, Momo would start to scream around how he drives like a maniac, and how he will get you all killed.

You were glad when you finally got out of the damned car. Stretching your body out, you took a deep breath. Making your way to the cabin, you placed your bag on the old couch once you got inside.

Not wasting any time, all of you started making plans. Momo and Kai prepared the dinner, while you were changing the sheets for everyone.

Shiggy and Dabi were preparing the table and everything that was on the terrace, like cleaning the chairs and everything else.

You sat on the swing seat, slowly moving with your legs while you waited for food to be ready. The smell of the food made you much hungrier then you expected, making you wish it will finally be done so you can dig in.

The evening was really beautiful. All of you were enjoying it to the fullest, talking about random things and choking on the food. The cold wine was also helping you all with the good atmosphere.

,, Yeah, Toga was always so sick’’ Shiggy clamed as he talked about the girl you all knew from your high school days. He talked about his experience, saying how she turned from such a cute girl into a crazy psycho, stalking him all the time.

,, She seems so cute tho’’ you said taking a sip. You never talked with her, but she looked too cute to be such a psycho.

,,Yeah right, if she had a chance, she would skin you alive’’ Kai said laughing a bit.

,,True, she couldn’t stand you at all. It was all Touya’s fault’’ Shiggy laughed, explaining to you how she had such a huge crush on Touya back then and how she couldn’t stand the fact that you were spending so much time with him.

,, We have a little problem’’ Momo said, coming back to the terrace. ,, We forgot the bag with the rest of the alcohol’’ she added, smiling awkwardly.

,,That’s fine, I’ll go buy us some wine or something’’ you said standing up. You wanted to take a walk anyway.

,,Shiggy get your ass up, you’re coming with me’’ you added as you pulled the sleeve of his hoodie a bit, making him whine loudly.

,,I’m coming with you’’ Touya said, grabbing your arm, not giving you a chance to protest normally. Your friends laughed loudly once they heard your loud curses coming from the inside.

,,Don’t be such a brat and just go, why are you making every single thing so complicated’’ Touya hissed as you were bragging how you won’t go then at all.

Rolling your eyes, you took your wallet and made your way out, speeding up as much as you could, trying to walk away from him.

Maybe it was the wine that was already in your blood, but as much as you tried, you couldn’t escape him at all.

,, Can’t you see that you ain’t fast at all’’ he said annoyed. You raised your eyebrows, ready to complain. You were pretty sure that you were fast as fuck there. At the end you finally gave up, deciding it would be the best to ignore him and deal with it.

,, How long will you keep this shit up?’’ he asked, walking lazily beside you. The fresh air was brushing your skin, as you hugged your wallet close to your chest, ignoring his words once again. When Touya realized that you won’t speak up, he rolled his eyes as he grabbed your arm and pulled you with him into the small alley, left from the sidewalk. Your eyes widened at the sudden change of his behavior.

,, You think you were the only one hurt ? ‘’ He said looking you in the eyes. ,, You think I didn’t want to contact you every day ?’’ he added while his grip got stronger.

,, Oh please, if you wanted you would have contacted me long time ago’’ you said, as you tried to pull your arm away from him.

,, You stupid little girl. There wasn’t a day I wasn’t thinking about you. Every time Shiggy sent me a picture of you, it was eating me alive’’ he said as his eyes were getting a shade darker.

,, I was going thru a fucking hell and you think I had it easy ?You think that you were the only one that suffered ? Doll, I was so in love with you that my mom found me a fucking therapist ‘’ he said not breaking the eye contact. You froze once he started saying all those words.

In love ?

,, You fucking drove me insane’’ he said, pushing you against the cold wall of the building. You couldn’t progress what was going on at all. You never knew that he had that kind of feelings for you. You never knew anything about it. You wanted to think about it, to try and figure out what happened back then. But you couldn’t. His face being so close to yours didn’t let you focus on anything else besides of him

,, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry that I couldn’t contact you. But I didn’t want to make things any worse for you’’ he said making you even more confused, unsure of what he meant with that.

,, But I’m back. Can’t you see ?’’ he said placing his forehead on yours. You could feel the pain in his voice. You didn’t know what happened back then, but at that very moment you decided to forgive him and purge all the terrible feelings that were choking you for such a long time now.

Once you two got back with more wine, your friends were surprised when they realized that you didn’t bark at him like you did just 20 minutes ago. They were surprised that instead of being all aggressive, you were trying to avoid eye contact with him, but none of them tried to question it.

It’s not that you were shy, but guilt was eating you alive at the moment. The fact that he went thru as much as you did or even worse, made you feel bad. But hearing him laugh at Shiggy’s jokes and thinking about how he’s here now, you decided to get drunk with them now and think about it later.

,, What took you so long that day anyway?’’ Shiggy asked you, as you guys talked about that one time when Shiggy and you visited your old friend and his girlfriend Melissa one year ago. Talking about how he accidentally came in her, and you had to go buy the DAY AFTER pills for her while she was bawling her eyes out thinking about of the risk that she might get pregnant.

,,Bitch, I didn’t know the city at all. How the fuck could I know where the pharmacy is ???’’ you raised your voice in defense. ,,Not even google maps could help me. How the fuck can I know what HEAD WEST IS ??? I’m not a fucking sea captain’’ you hissed making everyone around you laugh, as you mixed your fourth glass of wine with cola.

All of you laughed and talked about everything. Talking about intimate topics as much as about crazy ones. Kai talked about how he fall for Momo, when she liked his picture on Instagram from 2016. ,, You just didn’t look good in a while’’ Momo said, kissing him on the cheek with a huge grin on her face.

They were so cute.

First one to go to bed were Kai and Momo. The things were getting hotter between them with every new drink they had. Next one was Shiggy, saying he wanted to face time Melissa before bed, leaving you and Touya all by yourselves.

At first none of you talked, focused on the drinks you were too scared to say anything somehow. But you wanted to say so much to him, you really did.

,, So, how have you been?’’ he broke the silence, making you laugh at the random question he asked. The fuck with the formalities.

,, Oh shut the fuck up, don’t how have you been me’’ you choked out while drinking your drink, making him smile at how you were trying to break the tension.

You weren’t sure if it was the alcohol, or if he was always like that, but he totally opened up, talking about his stupid therapy and about everything his mom was telling him on a daily basis. He was joking around about it, but it broke your heart when you learned about what he went thru.

You talked about all the anger you had for him, about how much you were waiting for him to contact you. You told him about your work, and about billion small and unimportant stories that he gladly listened to.

,,Yeah, I remember that day’’ you laughed as you remembered the day when Touya fed you with the sour candy in front of Shiggy and Kai. ,, But I don’t understand what you did with that candy ‘’ you said as you placed your glass in front of you.

,,I literally sucked it’’ he laughed out, making you roll your eyes at him.

,,Let’s go buy some candies’’ he said as he stood up. Tipsy like that, you clapped your hands and hopped up. Since the night air was getting a little colder, you wore your hoodie and followed Touya outside.

The two of you bought all possible sweets, happy that the shop was the one that was 24h a day opened. Once you got out of the store, you opened the pack of Schoko-Bons, immediately unwrapping one and eating it fast.

,,Oh my fucking God stop it’’ Touya hissed while smile was forming on his lips. ,, Open your mouth’’ he laughed as he grabbed the pack out of your hands. You laughed with him as the memories of you two were going thru your head.

Touya unwrapped the candy, as he explained to you how to eat it. Once he placed the candy between your lips he told you how you shouldn’t chew it at all, how you should just melt it down and enjoy the taste.

,, You are crazy, I don’t see anything special in this method of eating’’ you said trying not to laugh.

,, Sure, nothing is special to you if you can’t vacuum it in a second’’ he said as he ate one of the bon’s. He couldn’t keep his eyes of you, smiling as he watched you trying to melt the candy in your mouth. He missed you so much.

,, Wanna know a secret ?’’ he mumbled to you as you nodded your head in a second, curious what he will tell you. Ready for the tea.

,,Come here’’ he said, leading you to the small alley you were few hours ago in.

,, Wanna know what happened that day ?’’ he asked, smirk forming on his lips as you choked onto the candy not expecting him to start that topic at all. You nodded your head still, wanting to know what made your father and Rei break up in less then one day.

,, Rei caught me masturbating with your panties in my hand’’ he whispered to you, making sure only you heard it, even tho only the two of you were standing there. All alone.

,,Wha-‘’ you caught out in shock. You thought about many reasons of what could happened that day. But nothing dirty as that was on your mind. You immediately started laughing loudly imagining Rei’s reaction.

Thinking about it, you would lie if you said that the image of him masturbating with your panties in his hands didn’t turn you on. Maybe you would be freaked out if you found it out few years ago. But in the image you had in your head wasn’t Touya as your ex brother, it was the attractive tattooed Touya that was standing right in front of you.

He saw the little blush on your face, and immediately commanded you to close your eyes and open your mouth for him. Leaning on the cold wall slowly, you did as he told you.

He placed the small candy in your mouth again. You ate it your way, finding it funny how easily he gets frustrated over it. A quiet laugh escaped his lips, as he got a little closer to you.

You twitched once you felt his gentle hand around your neck, making you open your eyes immediately. ,, Close your eyes’’ he commended again, as his thumb was rubbing your neck gently. Touya told you again to open your mouth.

You smiled and opened your mouth, waiting for the sweet taste of the candy, totally ready to provoke him a little more.

You froze when you felt a warm and watery texture, instead of the sweet candy. Realizing that he literally spat in your mouth, you opened your eyes in shock. Touya tightened his hand around your neck, forcing you to close your eyes again.

,, Now, swallow it for your Niichan’’ he whispered in your ear, spitting loudly in your mouth again. You were surprised when you found yourself obediently swallowing it. The moment you swallowed it, he crashed his lips with yours, pulling you up in his arms with his free hand, only to smash you back against the wall again.

You could feel him smirk into the kiss when he realized that you didn’t hold back at all. Holding onto his arms and kissing him back. Every time his grip around your neck would get tighter, you would open your mouth without him telling you to do it as he would spit all over again.

,, Don’t swallow it yet’’ he said spitting again. ,, Your Niichan has to teach you how to enjoy things properly. ‘’ he added as his hand left your throat alone and made it’s way toward your clothed pussy. Pushing the shorts to the side and rubbing your clit gently.

Once you moaned, Touya spat into your mouth again, while sticking his one finger inside you, slowly pumping it in and out of you. You found yourself swallowing the saliva inside your mouth, a quite but now more clear moan escaping your lips.

Touya added his second finger in, as you started to breath more heavily because of his touch. Wrapping your legs around him, you threw your head back, leaning onto the wall more while his fingers were thrusting in and out faster and faster.

,, Oh my fucking god’’ you moaned out, while his fingers were doing wonders on you, rubbing your walls like no one ever did.

,, Oh, you wanna pray, I see’’ he said, making you laugh unlocking the memory from the past. You tried your best to get the closer you could to him, moving in his arms and trying to get off on his fingers.

,, Does my doll want to cum?’’ he asked, as he sped up turning you into a whiny mess. You wrapped your arms around him and burred your head into his neck, trying to hold your moans since you were in public. Once your orgasm hit you, you had to bite onto his shoulder to keep your moans down.

Touya once again grabbed your throat, and pushed your head against the wall. You whined at the sudden loss of his fingers. Taking his chance he spit into your mouth once more, and placed the two finger between your lips, making you taste yourself.

,,Suck’’ he said, playing with his saliva in your mouth. The fact that you were obeying to every word, was driving him crazy. All he could think of was fucking your brains out.

,, Swallow it doll.’’ He said, and you swallowed it gladly.

The way home felt like forever. The moment you entered the old cabin, you were again in his arms kissing him passionately. Both of you having trouble walking, too focused on each other, you didn’t give a shit if your friends were maybe awake.

Touya couldn’t keep his hands to himself, grabbing your ass while kissing you with desire. Once you finally got into the room prepared for him, he pulled your hoodie together with your shirt over your head and threw it on the floor. Grabbing your hair, he yanked you towards the bed, pushing you onto it and immediately hovering over you. He started kissing your neck and chest, leaving wet and sloppy love bites all over it. Grabbing both of your wrists into his one hand, he pinned them above your head, trying to give you biggest hickey on your neck for everyone to see.

He wanted everyone to know who you belong to.

,, Touya please’’ you beg. You wanted to feel every part of his body. You wanted to touch him, to feel him inside you.

Leaving your arms alone, he pulled your shorts and panties down, not being able to wait any longer. He wanted to tease you, to beg you for him more. But he couldn’t, he had to be inside you. He was waiting for this moment for too long. Without a warning he slammed into you. You were still wet from all the fingering, so he slid in without a problem, still stretching you out with his size making you moan in both pain and pleasure.

,, So tight for your Niichan’’ he breathed out, as he started to move in a steady pace. His hands on your hips now, holding you firmly in place. Every move was getting faster and stronger, making the bed shake and hit against the wall.

You were a moaning mess, hands grabbing onto the sheets as was fucking you hard. Rocking into you roughly as the bed shakes, you didn’t give a single fuck if your friends could hear you, moaning his name out loudly and shamelessly.

,,Touya, I’m so colse’’ you managed to say somehow, as he was kissing your neck roughly, his hips getting more erratic.

,, Cum. Cum all over my cock’’ he said as he started rubbing your clit roughly, while fucking you even harder. Closing your eyes, you moaned his name out loudly as you finally cum again.

,, Fuck’’ he breathed as your walls squeezed his dick. Closing his eyes, he started moving roughly reaching his own climax. His dick twitching and spilling all his seed inside of you.

Just when you thought that he was done, he flipped you over onto your stomach, and started roaming into you again. Grabbing your hair, he pulled your head back harshly as he abused your neck with his lips.

,, Touya, ahh, too much’’ you moaned as he pushed your head into his pillow.

,, You are taking it so good.’’ He moaned as he fucked you recklessly. At this point you were sure that your friends were awake listening to you two.

,, Such a good girl for Niichan’’ he said. Touya wasn’t turned on because he was fucking his ‘’EX sister’’. You two weren’t blood related anyway, but once he felt your walls tighten around his dick again, while you called him ‘’Niichan’’ he knew he wouldn’t last much longer.

Fucking you thru your third orgasm, Touya pulled out of you, commanding you to get on your knees.

,, Open your mouth’’ he said, wanting to do something he always wished for. Stoking his dick, one look at you, with your mouth open and tongue out was enough for him to cum in your mouth.

,, Swallow it’’ he said, breathing deeply.

,,I already did’’ you said, as he pulled you up and kissed you passionately.

The next day, you didn’t know how to face your friends. Dabi was acting quite the opposite, looking at you proudly, yet so lovingly once you showed up in his shirt, with bruised neck. No words could describe how much he loved you, how much he was ready to fight for you.

Pulling you into a warm hug, he kissed you in front of everyone. He didn’t know how will he go against your dad and his mother. But in one thing he was sure, he will never let you go again.

You are his, and only his.

[oceanwithinsblog]

ok nobody asked for this but let me present you

✨my personal evaluation of each eurovision 2023 entry✨

where should i begin? i've decided to quickly comment this year's participating songs !! these are all personal opinions so don't take them too seriously ! hope you enjoy this sh!tpost of mine and, most importantly, happy eurovision grand finale day to all those who celebrate !! 💙💛

a quick legend: ❌ = song i don't like | ✅ = song i enjoy | ♾️ = song i have on loop (and is therefore among my faves)

as for the order of the songs, i'm using the eurovision 2023 playlist on spotify ^^

tell me more (turalturanx) ✅

this song is very simple and cute imo, still i'm not surprised it didn't make it to the final

aijā (sudden lights) ✅

this song is soooo good once you listen to it a couple times !! they were robbed, i really wished for them to qualify :((

we are one (wild youth) ❌

honestly? no. this doesn't quite do it for me. plus their staging was pretty awful during the 1st semi so yeah ... hopefully ireland will do better next year !

dance (our own party) (the busker) ✅

can i be totally honest ???? I DO NOT UDNERSTAND HOW IN THE EUROVISION THEY DIDN'T GET THROUGH THE FIRST SEMI I WAS AND STILL AM IN AWE WTH i have to admit the song didn't really catch my attention the first time i listened to it on spotify, but the performance they did on tuesday night left me speechless. so much fun ! so much color ! so much dinamicity ! plus those references to michael jackson the king of pop ! not my fave entry but they deserved to take part to the finale imo :(<3

burning daylight (mia nicolai, dion cooper) ✅

this song is actually pretty good to hear on earphones (on spotify), the chorus got stuck into my mind for days lol but after watching their performance i do agree with the televote - the live singing wasn't really nice. unrelated but the netherlands should try singing in their native language more often at eurovision !!!

like an animal (piqued jacks) ❌

i'm sorry fellow italian compatriots but i don't vibe with this song ... you tried and did your best on the thursday night tho !! kudos to you and good luck for your future ^^

d.g.t. (off and on) (theodor andrei) ❌

romania ... what happened to you ... don't tell me that hola mi bebebe was your peak at eurovision .... i don't wanna believe it .... but this whole song and performance really isn't it ... deeply unsettling for me

what they say (victor vernicos) ❌

greece ! i don't really know what to say about this, the guy has a nice voice but the song just doesn't work for me. i'm sad he didn't qualify 'cause he was very excited (and you could easily see it during his performance) but i think it didn't qualify for the best..

breaking my heart (riley) ✅

might come off as a surprise but i do enjoy listening to this song from time to time (on spotify) ! this boy is a personification of tiktok and that scares me ngl but i think the song itself is catchy. surely not suited for eurovision tho. the live version of breaking my heart loses all its catchiness but it's ok he tried

echo (iru) ✅

WHAT ! A ! VOICE ! iru's tone is so powerful and beautiful to listen to !! too bad i can't understand a word she is singing :// i was actually rooting for her to qualify on thursday but apparently european are deaf lol

power (diljá) ✅

i genuinely like the song and i think she has a great voice ! the performance at the second semi wasn't even close to one worth of qualification tho :( she was left alone on the stage and it felt pretty empty imo :( she's the cutest tho <3

mama šč! (let 3) ✅

OH MY LORD !!!!!! THIS IS MADNESS !!! THIS IS EUROVISION !!! HEAVILY POLITICAL LYRICS FIREWORKS COLORFUL CLOTHES THOUSANDS LIGHTS SCREAMING TRACTORS SILLY COSTUMES HIGH HEELS HEAVY MAKE-UP ROCKETS GO CROATIA FEED US

ps. i wrote that i enjoy the song - which i do - but i never listen to it on spotify honestly

blood & glitter (lord of the lost) ✅

germany has finally submitted a good entry !! love the alt rock vibes !! still no idea what the live performance looks like but i feel pretty good knowing these guys have a lot of fun on stage ^^

bridges (alika) ✅ ♾️

she's like a goddess ... vocals are super on point !! i'm kinda rooting for her, the staging is very nice, simple and neat. love the details !! go estonia !!

because of you (gustaph) ✅ ♾️

OMG PLEASE I'M LOVING THIS !! the live performance is even better than the studio version imo; the stage presence, the '90s vibes, the VOGUEING, the back up vocals, the dancer EVERYTHING IS SO ON POINT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT totally my cup of tea <3 GO BELGIUM !!!

eaea (blanca paloma) ✅

it took me a few listens to really get the vibes and the lyrics, but i have to say i love this entry ! most importantly i love that spain is always doing spain ! vamos blanca ! love the union of traditional and modern elements into this, i hope it does well in the final ^^

break a broken heart (andrew lambrou) ❌

big no for me. any straight man singing about heartbreak is a big no for me. we don't care. ok, yk, you have a nice voice mr. lambrou, i'll give you that, but you shouldn't have gotten to the final imo. no hard feelings. plus wearing a tuxedo and singing on stage shoeless ??? ugh.

promise (voyager) ✅ ♾️

hell yeah !! aussies doing rock'n'roll and showing up on stage in a random car are also my thing !! they understood the assignment and i'm glad they did. can't wait to watch their performance again tonight !! kinda rooting for them ^^

ai coração (mimicat) ✅

again, kudos to portugal for always being portugal and bringing such gems to eurovision. i like this one. i don't listen to it often, but i for sure enjoy it when i do ! wishing her the best for tonight's finale !!

samo mi se spava (luke black) ✅

it took me a while to appreciate this song ngl ... luke gives an incredible performance on stage tbh, i'm happy he qualified for the final. plus singing in your native language and naming yourself after the dead serbian music panorama are big reasons to give you bonus points. slay king !!

due vite (marco mengoni) ✅ ♾️

i might be biased (i'm italian after all) but i love this song. i relate to this song. a lot. marco's voice is sublime imo, i'm so very glad he is representing our country in liverpool. <3 tbh i actually can't wait to see what he prepared for the finale !!!! i have really high expectations but i know he's gonna leave me awestruck <3 vai marchettooooo <3

stay (monika linkyte) ✅ ♾️

my lithuanian queen !!!!!!! love the song ! love the live vocals ! love the lyrics ! love the orange themed performance ! love the interactions with the back up singers ! totally 10/10 for me. sending her a big hug !

duje (albina and kelmendi familja) ❌

i don't know how to feel about this song. i personally don't get the hype. it's very albanian and very traditional and i appreciate it a lot, but i can't quite come to like the final product :(

watergun (remo forrer) ❌

sort of the same scenario 've already described for greece, he's got a nice voice but the song isn't right. plus it's a bit funny to hear a swiss guy saying he doesn't want to be a soldier ....

solo (blanka) ❌

poland is another big no, rigged. rigged. rigged. if anybody asks me, poland didn't participate to eurovision in 2023. shoutout to jann, i hope you're having a wonderful day <3

carpe diem (joker out) ❌

very much appreciating their outfit and vitality and sort of silly joyous queer vibes, but i personally can't come to like the song. still, i'm glad they made it to the final ^^

soarele si luna (pasha parfeni) ✅ ♾️

moldova has me clapping and singing and dancing and trying to learn how to play the flute. 10/10 chef's kiss. constantly on loop. great job pasha and friends, i'm partially rooting for you tonight !!

future lover (brunette) ✅

very interesting song, from the lyrics to the musical structure, from the outfit to the staging. brunette's voice is lovely. i wish she had sung the entire song in armenian, but still - it's good!

unicorn (noa kirel) ❌

a total ... skip for me ! shouldn't have qualified for the final ! and as i keep saying for years, israel shouldn't be allowed to participate to eurovision anymore ! good bye.

my sister's crown (vesna) ✅

the song is great, the message is nice (if i understood it correctly) but the whole pink outfits don't match any element of the performance. still, a nice entry for czechia !

[hotdamnhunnam]

I Cum in Peace

A/N: Here’s the second of 12 filthy imagines to be written for my 500 Followers Kinkfest Celebration!! Based on the below request for cum play with Mr. Ray Smith 🤤

Pairing: Raymond Smith x F!Reader Warnings: smut, swearing, dirty talk, dom!Ray, cum play (filling up reader’s cunt then all over her face) Request: Kinkfest request from anon

Word Count: ~2.7k

So you just saw your man getting mad with a whole crew of troublesome lads. You’re not usually with Ray when he goes about gangster business; he never wants you to have any involvement in it. But today’s little incident... you were quite glad, to have been watching him from the car while he did this. His dominance over those impudent cunts was a wonder to witness. In less than a minute, Ray made them his bitches. Your man went ahead and did that.

“I come in peace,” he’d said, at first. But the idiots wouldn’t abide by his orders. That left Ray with no choice: so he raised his voice, suddenly reaching for one of his biggest toys. Fired his gun in the air till they scurried away like scared, lost little boys.

As he calmly slides into the driver’s seat, leaving the scene at a gentleman’s speed, you look over at him and can feel your cunt throbbing with heat. Get the urge to just bury your head in his lap and start sucking his cock. But he’s not one for road head—Y/N, I will not have that lovely mouth held to account for a damn traffic accident—so you decide against pushing your luck. 

Still, you cannot help but gush about how fucking hot that was. “Ray, that was just... oh my Goddd, honestly hot as fuck.”

Raymond pushes his specs up the bridge of his nose, keeps his eyes on the road. “Was just doing my job, love. Just doing my job.”

“But I mean, did you see just how savagely you fucked them up?” you go on, not even close to being done. “Without even touching them once? You just whip out your gun, and they all fucking run. What a sad bunch of cunts.”

“Cunts indeed,” he agrees, car still cruising along at this slow-as-fuck speed, while you squirm in your seat. Pussy aching with need.

“And that whole ta ta ta thing...” you sigh, recalling how your man had dismissed the last lad, with a click of his teeth and a flick of his hand. So damn hot you could die. “Ray, you’re a motherfucking king.”

He’s driving so slowly it feels like you’re crawling. “You quite finished singing my praises now, darling?”

You laugh as he once again pushes his glasses up. “What, so you want me to stop? I’m just proud of how masterfully you do your job.”

“Get a hold of yourself, love.”

“No, I think you should get a hold of me, Mr. I Come in Peace,” you tease, scooting toward him as your juices slick up the seat. “Ray, please—as soon as we get home... fucking need you to cum... inside me and all over me.”

Thankfully, for the sake of your dripping wet pussy... those words finally get Ray to pick up the speed. Steady as he may be, the king also has hungers to feed. You notice as his knuckles whiten, his grip on the steering wheel tightens. He’s biting his lip, burning with the desires he’s fighting. Lust threatens to rustle his calm, bringing sweat to his palms, and he despises being compromised like this when he’s in the driver’s seat.

Now that Raymond is fully aroused, careening at full speed toward his house, your flirtations get braver and bolder. “What’s the matter—distracted now, soldier? You know we can always pull over...” you murmur, caressing his jacket-clad shoulder.

“You keep your mouth shut, you insufferable slut,” Raymond mutters. “Stay quiet the whole fucking ride home. Touch me again while I’m driving, and I’ll spend the rest of the night denying you the right to get fucked and get soaked in my cum.”

Oh, good lord. You’re not even home yet, and already your man is taking on his role as your dom. This is what you live for. You’re so wet...

“Now is that what you want? Are you desperate for that kind of punishment?” Raymond demands, impatient, as you’ve not yet removed your hand. “Show me you understand. Or are you still determined to be a dirty disobedient cunt?”

You immediately move your palm off of him, biting your bottom lip as you settle back into position in your seat and bow your head low in submission. “Understood, sir.”

“There, that’s a good girl.”

Ugh, those words—the way Raymond seamlessly transitions from pure degradation, so savage it hurts, straight to sweet praises coated in sugar... it’s a damn revelation. You’ll never get over your love for this smooth-as-butter motherfucker. You’re so lucky to be his lady, his lover. His good little cocksucker.

The big dick energy radiating from Ray is delicious and vicious and violent, and all the while you sit in silence, the rest of the drive. You eagerly jump from the passenger’s seat the instant you arrive.

“Did I tell you to move, cunt?”

Oh fuck. You stop dead in your tracks at once. Shudder and choke, stutter out a response. “N-no, sir...”

He steps out of the car to come toward you where you’re standing, tall and commanding, controlling you more and more thoroughly as he comes closer. “Well, fortunately for your desperate, slutty little ass... I’m feeling generous enough to let that pass. But the next time you dare make a move without my permission...” Raymond threatens in a ruthless rasp, “... love, I promise it will be the last. And I’ll make certain you remember your position.”

By this point your entire body is quivering so badly that you’re probably in critical condition.

Ray runs his forefinger across your lower lip and snickers as he feels it fucking twitching. You’re so thirsty you can’t even think. “Now run along inside and pour your man a drink, you pretty little thing. By the time I come in, want to see my woman waiting for me naked in the kitchen.”

Ugh, you can’t even?!? Why is every word off of Raymond’s lips literal heaven? In a sex-frazzled flurry, you scurry to follow your master’s directions, though it’s fucking hard when you’re reeling from feeling the full effects of his perfection.

Stripping off all your clothes as you step in and rush to the kitchen, you reach for your man’s favorite bottle of scotch. End up frantically flinging your clothing all over the place, which you know Raymond hates. He hates messiness so fucking much. But you cannot be bothered to worry; you’re in such a hurry. Spurred on by his words, and obeying with haste. Not a moment to waste.

By the time Raymond enters, the drink must be poured, sitting pretty on the kitchen counter, and of course you had better be naked and waiting for him like a good little whore.

You’ve managed to pull that off without so much as a second to spare, when he promptly appears at the door. Owning you with his bright blue bespectacled stare. Clearly proud of how you’ve been so dutiful. God, he looks so fucking beautiful, standing there. You’ve never wanted him more.

At some point in the past twenty seconds, apparently Raymond had changed into your favorite cardigan. When did that happen? He wore this the last time you fucked in the kitchen, and now here he is going at it again. This sumptuous sweater just makes him look so fucking lovely, so cuddly and comfy. He knows you’re obsessed with this color on him, the color of some kind of sweet, spicy, super gourmet honey mustard. Goddamn sexy bastard.

Raymond struts in and helps himself to the fine scotch you had poured. Holds it up to his lips, drains the halfway-full glass in a single long sip. Evidently he’s thirsty, you think. At least his thirst was quenched nice and quick, with one swig of a drink. Unlike yours. As you watch your man swallow his scotch, the heat builds in your crotch, and you’re ready to burst. He gets off on seeing you so desperate and wet, because he is the worst.

“Mmm, now I really needed that,” Ray states as he deliberately sets down his empty glass. “To calm my fucking nerves. To fight the burning urge I had... to spank your naughty ass... turning it red, just the way you deserve, for behaving so bad.”

Oh shit. You don’t want him to fight it—the thought has you so damn excited. Of course, Raymond knows it. He studies the blow of your pupils, your silence so truthful, the hitch of your breath as you hold it.

You can’t bear to breathe in this moment, when his stare is cutting you open.

“I do hope you’ll excuse me for being so rude,” Raymond playfully purrs. “Satisfying my thirst, while denying yours. That scotch was really quite good. You just put me in such a damn mood. Now does my lovely lady want something to drink, too?”

Ugh, he knows it’s true. Your gaze follows his hands, as he reaches to slowly unbutton his pants, where the bulge of his cock is in full fucking view.

“Mmm, of course you do,” Raymond sadistically coos. “Well, that’s too fucking bad for you.”

“Ray...” you can’t help but say, as you instinctively start sinking down to your knees.

But he’s not here to play, or to tease; he is here to use you however he may please. And right now that means bending you over the counter and fucking you numb, and then filling your cunt with his cum, while you beg for the privilege to suck him. To swallow his load, down your thirsty whore throat. Today that’s how Ray wants to perform his role as your malevolent, merciless dom.

So he hoists you back up to your feet, refusing you the right to kneel down before him and devour his cock just the way that you need. Denying you the privilege of tasting his seed.

He bends your body forcefully over the kitchen counter, destroying you with his raw power. You scream his name louder, before quickly shifting to use the correct word—address him as Sir.

“Scream all you want,” he taunts. “Won’t change your punishment. Won’t keep me from driving my cock fucking deep in this dripping wet cunt.”

Good lord. How exactly that counts as a ‘punishment’... you’re not quite sure. It sounds like a blessing, much more than a curse. If your man wants to teach you a lesson, then someone should tell him that’s not how it works...

Reading your mind as ever, Ray now lifts your torso up to press against his sweater, with a feral sneer as he brings his hot mouth toward your ear. You feel his lips curve as he wickedly smirks.

“You know how every time we fuck... I always let you suck my cock, before or afterwards? Or both, as you prefer? Because you’re such a shameless cum-guzzling whore? We both know swallowing my cum is the sole purpose of this dirty little mouth of yours.”

You’re fucking drooling from the sheer force of his words. And then he rubs his massive cock against your pussy lips and starts bucking his hips, plunging inside your soaking wet heat as it throbs and drips, and God it feels so good it fucking hurts...

“You know I almost crashed my fucking car? All thanks to what a filthy fucking slut you are? Well, let me tell you how I’m gonna make you pay, for your fucking disgusting behavior today.”

There’s no way you could have prepared for what Ray is about to say.

“Tonight I am going to fuck you for all that you’re worth... fill you up with my cum till you feel set to burst... then deny you dessert.”

Oh my God. You moan out at the thought, hating him for being such a coldhearted bastard...

“That’s the punishment you deserve,” Ray growls as he begins fucking you harder and faster. Reminding you that he’s your master. That your place is to serve. “Why don’t you go on and tell me just how much you want to taste my cum, you dirty little cunt. I know that’s what you’ll always want. If you beg hard enough, then perhaps by tomorrow you’ll have some. Whereas if you’re a naughty slut and keep pissing me off... then it won’t be till days or weeks after.”

“Please—please, sir...!” you pathetically answer. Your senses are overpowered from the sound of his cruel mocking laughter, the feeling of being so full of his cock and smothered by that damn mustard sweater. There is nothing worse. Nothing better. “Please let me drink your cum, sir—I just want... I fucking need it more than anything, ever...”

You keep on spouting filth as loudly as you can, hoping to satisfy your man’s demands. He pins you down onto the counter with brutal hands, pounding into your soaking wet pussy again and again, getting so fucking heated that he has to strip off that beautiful cardigan. Rips off his tie and shirt, as he rails you harder and harder till you reach a whole other dimension of heaven-sent hurt.

Then the instant his thick creamy cum fucking spurts... you feel your cunt explosively squirt, and you’re pretty sure that you just permanently lost all hope of ever being able to form words.

You have never felt so swollen, so completely and utterly split open, as you feel in this moment. From the vigorous violence of that vicious fuck. When Raymond pulls out of your cunt after so savagely wrecking you with his cock, you can only imagine how ravaged and ruined it looks. Painted white with his cum as it drips, slick and shiny all over your soaking wet pussy lips.

“Good fucking lord,” Raymond groans at the sight of it. Staring between your spread legs. He adores seeing you like this, with his cum leaking out of your slick pussy after hot sex—always did love it, but never more so than in this very minute. “Such a good little whore. Ugh, just... shit. Love, you’ve never looked so wrecked. Just give me a second to memorize this. God, it’s perfect.”

It’s not as if you can resist or protest. Even if you had wanted to, you were just hammered so senseless, there’s honestly nothing you can even do.

Apparently Ray is already experiencing the... effects of this view. “Fuck, Y/N. Seeing you like this got my cock hard as a rock again.”

Um... how long has it been since he flooded your cunt with his cum? Twenty seconds? Well under a minute, you reckon. It shouldn’t be possible that he’s already erect—but Ray is a fucking stallion, a beacon among men, a living breathing god of sex, and he cums by the gallon.

“Get on your knees,” he says, as you obey with desperate haste. Yes, sir. Yes, please... “And keep that filthy mouth shut, you pathetic fucking slut, so that I can cum on your pretty whore face.”

You cannot even process just how hot that sounds, as you excitedly kneel down. Gazing up at his gorgeousness like a goddamn donut waiting to be glazed.

Though you don’t want to miss a thing, as you receive this divine blessing from your king... you end up closing your eyes just in time, before his white hot load sprays all over the place. And the sensation is seriously sublime.

You have never taken him this way, since Ray loves to explode down your throat. To feed you full of his luscious load, let you savor his flavor, the seed you so desperately need. But you had to be punished today—this is how. He commands you to sit and remain fully soaked in his cum as you are now, without taking so much as one precious drop in your mouth. Denying you the cum that you can’t live without.

You feel like such a whore, degraded and destroyed to the core... and the truth is you only want more.

The best part of it is—now that you and Ray know just how much you enjoy being punished like this, that the feeling of his cum all over your face is complete fucking bliss—there is sure to be much more in store.

There’s a whole world of kinks you have yet to explore, and you’ve only just opened the door.

***************

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