#shadowless night

[sometimesthatsbetter]

FL spotlight: Dame Rosalyn Aster of house Red Wagon Wheel

[murasaki-cha]

He's so pathetic I love him🤣

[chozoremake]

THEYRE SO CUTE

[waaanderingluna]

🥀 𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝕹𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙 𝖂𝖎𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖚𝖙 𝕾𝖍𝖆𝖉𝖔𝖜𝖘

[365filmsbyauroranocte]

The Shadowless Tower (Zhang Lu, 2023)

[meaningofaeons]

hello, its oi anon!

somehow i feel like there's going to be a twist with the emperor that's 'limited in public appearances'... i bet all of my stellar jades that he'll be some puppet ruler for the destiny faith faction.

how often do you read non-oi manhwas? shadowless night and blinded by the setting sun (i know i recommended this before but i love it it's so good the ml and fl makes me feel things and the actual character development and worldbuilding makes me go hrrgrgggggh) have to be some of my favourites outside of traditional reincarnation oi. fl of shadowless night reminds me of stelle in the 'deadly trash panda' way, her head may be empty but her hands sure are filled with knives (and food). ml also got that jing yuan vibes

FU XUAN BRONYA AND SEELE YOU WROTE THEM SO PERFECTLY THEIR ROLES ARE PERFECT IT MATCHES SO WELL!! i am so so excited for this series if you can't tell already sdafghm,lkjbsdflnjk

luocha honestly gives off saint/cardinal/priest vibes. that clothing and his coffin, fits right in tbh. caelus ig could be at the xianzhou empire, who also lost his memories and is looking for his sister, lumine/aether style? he could be friends with sushang and helps out the cloud-knights quite a bit whilst also just wandering around doing odd jobs here and there. kinda unsure he's hard to place\

anyways!! take care!! eat and rest and sleep well, majesty is coming along great!!

hi again oi anon !! (≗ᆽ≗)ﾉ

hehe I am super excited to write more on the emperor since he's the only original character really in the series thus far, and most of the others will probably just be side characters like servants or minor nobles... （๑´ﻌ｀๑）

I will read blinded by the setting sun asap!! I have seen it around before and it's so pretty I love it I don't read a whole lot of non-oi/reincarnation manhwa mainly bc they're either usually hard to find or translated in such a way that is difficult to understand hdjsjhfnjd ;w; but I have read some! I rather enjoy the more typical medieval-style world ones with magic and stuff, and the lead finding their way on their own merit, like the remarried empress. navier obv isn't reincarnated or isekai'd, she's just a badass!!

THANK YOU BY THE WAY!!! I had some trouble finding places for the xianzhou charas but I thought that role did fu xuan justice! I was going to add yukong as well but unfortunately I don't know much abt her yet :< as for bronseele, yas teehee I am very excited to write them together. they won't be a huge part of the story but I wanted them to have roles that fit! （＾・ﻌ・＾✿）

your ideas are awesome for luocha!! I love the saint/cardinal idea, I counter with this: he's from the Destiny religion in Stellaron, but he went to the Xianzhou Empire to "spread the word" (but really, he's there for his own means, perhaps something to do w/ that coffin in canon if more info about him comes out soon). this is because in the quests he's in, luocha mentions that "luocha" is just the name he goes by on the xianzhou, not his actual name! I did want to throw in sushang as well tho so I'll see what happens!! (=♡ ᆺ ♡=)

thank you for the care & support!!! I'm glad you're enjoying how it's coming along thus far!!!! (=◕ᆽ◕ฺ=)

EDITED I FORGOT ABT CAELUS !!! I was gonna mention him LOL I don't have a planned role for him but I like your idea oi anon!!! will keep it in mind :3

[presumenothing]

hi yeah it's me again. au where

li lianhua sees ghosts

no, really

and of course not in any useful way either; violent deaths like the ones they have to solve often occur too abruptly for any coherent impression of the spirit to be left behind

(or at least that's what he guesses to be the case. it's not like anyone has written a treatise on this, even in the jianghu with its myriad of ways)

(and scarcely useful now, but not that many years ago, for someone thrown into a world newly-foreign without much care for what others might think of him now – or did you think planting radishes from seed was easy?)

the old (literally) farmer couple he first learned that from have since moved on, but some of the others still visit when he trundles by their area, and (though not without some initial misgivings) hulijing contents to curl within patting distance and bark warning when fang duobing comes within sight

because boy would that be an Awkward Conversation if he's ever seen one! no thanks, wow

and it's not like all the ghosts are chatty old grandmas, either; sometimes all he catches is glimpses of shadowless figures out the corner of his eye

but the sightings happen less and less, over time, save that he's too caught up in everything he discovers to think much of it until one day when hulijing whuffs greeting at something he doesn't see, and –

– oh, li lianhua exhales, blinking. but of course. even this has always depended on the energy he has less and less of, these days, and it's almost the least of it all

or it should be, and yet

(hulijing quiets against his side; the rush of the river where jiang-popo had shown him how to fish rings loud in his ears)

flickers, out the corner of his eye. i'm sorry, li lianhua offers in apology, my eyesight is getting quite awful these days–

flickers, until finally he catches a glimpse against the light of a full moon, at the end of it all, and –

"what's wrong?" fang duobing asks, concerned, and li lianhua shakes his head with a smile.

(above him, li xiangyi dances, red ribbon leaving not a shadow in the brightest of night.)

[apoemaday]

True Love

by Sharon Olds

In the middle of the night, when we get up after making love, we look at each other in complete friendship, we know so fully what the other has been doing. Bound to each other like mountaineers coming down from a mountain, bound with the tie of the delivery room, we wander down the hall to the bathroom, I can hardly walk, I wobble through the granular shadowless air, I know where you are with my eyes closed, we are bound to each other with huge invisible threads, our sexes muted, exhausted, crushed, the whole body a sex—surely this is the most blessed time of my life, our children asleep in their beds, each fate like a vein of abiding mineral not discovered yet. I sit on the toilet in the night, you are somewhere in the room, I open the window and snow has fallen in a steep drift, against the pane, I look up, into it, a wall of cold crystals, silent and glistening, I quietly call to you and you come and hold my hand and I say I cannot see beyond it. I cannot see beyond it.

[rust-is-a-car-disease]

I was going to take a nap but suddenly my brain said shapeshifter kenji au-

Aand then it went omg estio or shadowless night au

Im going with estio bc i like that one more (spoilers for estio)

Basically estio is where a boy is mistreated by his family and the village for his ability to read peoples hearts (emotions and memories and styff) later we find out hes a dragon baby they found (killed his guardian wolf and was too afraid to tell the church when they came looking for him) he finds out abt this later when he goes to visit the village on request of a client and that he mimiced the form of humans and how they aged

So in kenji au we get shapeshifting kaiju kenji who his parents found and to add to it, his parents couldnt have kids due to their different species(?) And were happy to have a lil baby even if it was a kaiju. How he became ultraman? By tacking on the hc that ultra stuff isnt genetic but is based more on emotional bonds and stuff! Kenji probably doesnt know this which makes it really fun when he comes of kaiju age to develop more. I imagine kaijus age differently and kenji would be a kaiju that aged slower but since hes mimicking humans aging, his age wouldnt be displayed outwardsly.

I imagine he eventually grows into the age for kaiju development or smtg and it goes from there. Idk what it would be but i think itd be fun if the kaiju he was would pick a species to mimic and grow up as for a while and then when they come of age they start needing to learn to mimic properly and maintain their forms etc. They would have a base form and a default shifted form they grew up in since theyre used to it and the rest is more moldable.

...im a sucker for kenji poorly hiding stuff abt himself and reveals and styff ToT

[cb-writes-stuff]

Project Opal Infodumps

The Keital and Geital

A keital is a square piece of cloth worn by people in the Vandeth Desert to protect their head and neck from the sun, as well as to keep sand and dust out of their mouth. It also keeps them warm at night. All in all, it’s the perfect protection in the desert’s blazingly hot days and unforgivingly cold nights. The prescribed measurements for a keital are 42 inches by 42 inches (106 cm by 106 cm).

A geital, in comparison, is twice the length of a keital, making it 84 inches by 42 inches (212 cm by 106 cm). The extra length allows it to be draped over the shoulders, somewhat like a shawl.

Fig. 1: Sketches of a keital (top) and geital (bottom) from the four sides.

A keital is very functional. It’s comfortable and easy to wear. Everyone has one. Different colors and materials are cheaper or more expensive, as you might guess. Even the beggars of the desert wear keitalen.

A geital, on the other hand, is tedious to put on and thus not worth taking off. Optimally, you only want to put it on and take it off once per day. They’re also more expensive on the whole, being twice the length of a keital. As such, they’re preferred by people who don’t want or need to take it off, such as travelers or the rich. For the former, it even doubles as a blanket in a pinch.

Behind the Scenes: A keital is pretty much just a keffiyeh in everything but name (and real-world cultural associations, of course). It’s put on the same way too. However, I had to figure out how to put on a geital myself. Turns out, you just need to fold the two far corners in to make two triangles, forming one big triangle, then you put it on like normal.

Parts of the Day in the Vandeth Desert

In the time period the story is set in, clocks are a commodity. Not everyone has them. This is especially true in the Vandeth Desert, where resources are scarce and importation is difficult. As such, the day isn’t usually measured by hours. Rather, it’s measured by the length of shadows.

(Okay, so, sundials probably are a thing, but most people aren’t gonna go out of their way to find one to check the time. They have places to go.)

The day cycle begins in irital, or all-shadows (night). Then comes ven ir-sa, first light (dawn; when the sky brightens but the sun hasn’t come up). After that is lashive, sunrise. After that is malantal ir-sa, first long-shadows (early morning), then konital ir-sa, first short-shadows (late morning). Then there’s noon/midday, which is called lon-tal, “shadowless”, because the sun doesn’t cast shadows from directly overhead. Then follows konital ir-gi, second short-shadows (early afternoon) and malantal ir-gi, second long-shadows (late afternoon). Finally, there’s virlashi, sunset, and steiven, “buried light” (dusk; when the sky is still bright even after the sun has gone away). Then we finally return to irital.

[tsukigamiteiru]

"On a shadowless night, you're the most constant mistake"

ai voice sound sculpture (w/headphones), resin printed yu-gi-oh! cards and tesa film outline, demotivational video loop on a 3d fan, stream of lies 3d sculpture

[murasaki-cha]

My favorite flavor of Ricardis is when Roselyn reduces him to nothing but a pathetic blushing wet cat

I mean I don't blame the man like me too. Roselyn goes from adorable precious little angel to absolute badass queen that can step on me in a matter of seconds. Like Ricardis is incredibly valid

[instruth]

THUNDER OF THE MOUNTAIN

THUNDER of the mountain,

as I descend,

with great difficulties,

I hear the roar of lions

It is a shout, out of wrath

THAT ushers a madding rush

of a sudden shadowless fog,

unexpectedly, unnoticed

and brings with it

the shadow of death

MIRRORED on the faces

of the incorrigible,

the non-repentants,

who have been warned

I hear the sneering of curses

WITH defying obscene gesturing

by fingers, gnarled and deformed

The terrifying night was stifling,

strangulating, suffocating

dried out of their strength

THE fumes in poisoned flow,

emptying sticky fluid from a jar,

soliciting for want of attention,

like strumpets in the street

that could have been avoided

WHAT a total chaos of insanity

with a pinch of sane loyalty,

chastised for hardened thoughts

in the proud hearts of stone,

an arrogance stuck into the mud

BY this undigested experience

in obedience, I pray that mine

may not be harsher than

those in my recurring dreams,

the visions projected therein

AS I reassess my chance,

oh, strangely,

I had never felt I was a slave,

but right now,

I do not feel I am free at all

©Johnny J P Lee

24 December 2023

A Gogyoshiren Poem (40)

Photo Credit J. P. Lee

[pure-garbage]

Versatility Of Peace! The Unleashed Imagination

Chapter Warnings: Violence, Injury

Lana stepped up to join her crewmates in the shadow of the monstrous Moria.

"Does he always look this... swollen?" she asked Robin.

"No. He's consumed every shadow on the island to increase his power," Robin summarized.

"Ah. Sounds intense."

"Lana! There you are!" Nami exclaimed, slapping her friend in reprimand. "We were so worried about you! Zoro couldn't focus all night and it's your fault for running off!"

"Hey, that's not true!" Zoro snapped, crossing his arms with a deep scowl. "I was focused!"

"We thought you were dead!" Nami went on, ignoring the swordsman's protests.

"I told Luffy I was going to find Zoro and Sanji's shadows!" Lana grumbled. "He said it was fine!"

"Well next time, let someone else know too! Luffy didn't tell us anything!"

"I'm sure he was just busy. Anyway, you guys should know by now I can take care of myself," Lana sighed.

Nami's attention was stolen by Luffy, stepping up to take Moria head on. All the straw hats watched, breathless as the battle raged before them, the stakes as high as ever.

'Luffy... I tried and failed all night to recover those shadows,' Lana thought as she looked on. 'I couldn't do it, but I know you will!'

Her captain's victory was as breathtaking as it was complete, but the sun's rays were an enemy that not even the future king of the pirates could keep at bay.

'The shadows should be free, but...'

Lana's shadowless friends were all in the path of the rising sun's blinding light.

"Luffy! No!" she shrieked, throwing herself between her captain and the sun's rays, spreading the tattered remains of her cloak like wings in an attempt to shield him from the harsh light. His form was shrunken, the effects of third gear still lingering. They proved to be a blessing, for once. The technique's side effects allowed Lana to keep the sun off her unconscious captain. Even so...

She locked eyes with Zoro, transfixed with horror. It was only a split-second, but she saw unmistakable relief cross his features.

'He's only worried about Luffy too, but...'

Lana didn't even have time to cry out as Robin, Sanji and Zoro all caught fire, blazing like torches everywhere the sun's light hit them. The sight was surreal, devastating.

'Not like this!' she thought, overwhelmed with panic and despair as reality set it. 'Zoro! Not now! Not before I tell you..'

Lana was too consumed by shock and grief to notice the shadows flying through the air. As she looked on, her crew stopped burning as suddenly as a candle wick blown out by a puff from a child. At their feet, shadows stretched long, cast by the extreme angle of the sun.

'He's... he's not dead! They're all fine!'

Lana hesitantly moved her cloak away from Luffy while the rest of the crew celebrated. When conflagration failed to take her captain, Lana heaved a shaky sigh of wary relief. Her first duty fulfilled, she turned her attention to Zoro, who was busy flexing his fingers experimentally in the warm light of the sun.

"Zoro!"

He looked up just as Lana slammed into him, wrapping him in a crushing embrace.

"Uh!"

"Don't ever scare me like that again!" she berated him. "I thought you were dead!"

"I think I was dead for a minute there," he grumbled. Hesitantly, he returned her embrace, unsure arms winding loosely across her back as she clutched him.

'Oh, that's right. We haven't spoken all week. This is the first time I've touched him since our fight. He's been waiting...'

"You scared me too, you know," he informed her softly. "We couldn't find you all night. Nami's right, you have to tell someone besides Luffy next time you go off on your own like that."

"Fair enough."

He pushed her away, looking over her myriad injuries with a discerning eye.

"My shadow gave you a good fight, huh?"

"Your shadow mopped the floor with me," Lana admitted. "A few times over."

"Hm. You're still standing though," he pointed out, a small smile sneaking across his features.

"Barely. Zoro... there's something I need to tell you," Lana began. "Something important."

Commotion broke out around them again, interrupting the burgeoning moment.

"I'll hear it later," Zoro grumbled. He knew from her tone and expression that she was about to give him the answer he'd awaited, but the enormous man on the roof above demanded his attention. Lana saw him too.

"Another enemy?" she asked, eyes narrowing.

The murmurs rippling through the crowd were all rumor and unease.

"Sounds like it," Zoro surmised. "A second warlord?"

"Luffy's not getting up anytime soon," Lana observed grimly.

"We'll have to take care of this ourselves. You ready?" Zoro asked, drawing Kietetsu.

"Always," Lana managed. Her bones ached, her battered body protesting every step she took at Zoro's side.

"The rest of you stay back," Zoro instructed the rest of the crew. "We'll handle this."

Despite the resolve in his words, Lana could see Zoro was in terrible shape. The night had exacted a heavy toll on the swordsman. He controlled his breathing with incredible focus, but his forced composure didn't fool Lana.

'He's stared down death probably a half dozen or more times tonight. So have I ... strength of will can only get either of us so far. If this warlord decides to fight us...'

"Kuma, the tyrant!"

His name echoed among the crowd while the pirate hunter and the lockbreaker waited to see what would happen.

The warlord struck swiftly, unveiling powers that puzzled Lana. Moreover, they posed a huge threat.

"He's a power holder. If I can touch him, I can end this," Lana informed Zoro. "All I need is one touch!"

"He's fast," Zoro growled. He had no idea what Lana was talking about, but he trusted her. "Think you can swing it?"

"Not alone. Good thing I've got the world's greatest swordsman backing me up."

Her words coaxed a tight smirk from Zoro, despite the gravity of the situation looming over them.

Lana intuition returned, going to work once again now that her opponent operated by a will of his own.

"Behind us!"

Kuma materialized before she even finished speaking, casting his shadow over them. His aura was absolutely crushing, to the degree that Lana found herself unable to move for a second. Zoro felt it too. He grunted softly, but overcame the warlord's presence and turned to face him.

"One touch, you say?" Kuma asked. Lana forced her body to obey her, a drop of sweat rolling down her brow as she turned to face him. Kuma's voice was soft, a shocking juxtaposition of the imposing presence he exuded.

'I need to move,' she told herself. 'He's so close... I can do it!'

"One touch," Lana assured him. "Zoro?"

"Let's go!"

They attacked together, but Lana's intuition warned her ahead of time that Kuma's speed would save him.

'He's unbelievably fast!'

She knew he would appear behind her and that knowledge gave her just enough time to dodge an attack. The shock of his power left a paw shaped hole in the ground where she'd been standing.

From Zoro's perspective, the exchange that followed was almost a blur. His trained eyes could just barely follow the cat and mouse pursuit of shaves and intuitions between Lana and Kuma.

'She can't touch him! She's not fast enough! She can only dodge him because she already knows his next move! But she's falling behind anyway!'

"Lana! Get out of there!" he warned. Experience told him that Lana was hopelessly outmatched. Grimly, he realized he might even have a hard time dealing with this warlord. 'The best course is for her to fall back and let me handle him!'

"Like hell-"

Kuma caught up with her, repelling her body with a mere raise of his hand.

'He didn't even touch her!'

Lana went hurtling away, crashing into the remains of a stone wall. It crumbled, burying her while Kuma turned his attention to Zoro.

"Lana!" Nami cried.

Franky and Chopper rushed to dig their friend out while Zoro engaged Kuma in a furious losing battle.

By the time they freed her, it was all but over.

"What... what the hell is he doing now?" she managed, watching as Kuma patted a thrumming bubble, slowly making it smaller with every touch.

"Nami thinks he's using his powers to compress air into a bomb," Chopper explained grimly.

"At this rate, he'll blow us all to kingdom come!" Franky exclaimed.

Lana watched as Kuma's paw print bubble shrank and shrank, awe washing over her even as dread seized her heart.

'He's so creative with the way he uses his devil fruit powers... his techniques are amazing! They're going to annihilate us, but still...'

Lana had never felt so much admiration for an enemy before. His prowess and imagination were inspirational to watch, even as the looming threat of death struck her through with mortal terror. She struggled out from beneath the remaining rubble, taking a stumbling step forward before she fell to the ground.

"Lana, don't try to move!" Chopper cried. "You're hurt really badly, I need-"

"Nothing you can do will matter, not if Kuma blows us all sky high," Lana panted, exerting herself to push away from the wall that had entombed her only moments earlier. She didn't get far, but she figured she didn't need to.

"I'm going to counter his attack," she said, voice low and resolute.

"Huh? How?!" Franky demanded.

'Creative warlord... you've taught me that my imagination is the only limit to this power that I've gained. I'm grateful for that.'

Lana closed her eyes. She couldn't bear to look at her bloodied friends for another moment. Zoro looked to be in the worst shape of all. He'd taken quite the beating at Kuma's hands and the rage his ragged appearance brought out in Lana wasn't helpful.

'I need to focus. Center.'

She allowed herself to drop to the ground, crossing her legs despite the unbelievable pain plaguing her body.

"His bomb... any impact based attack relies on sound and vibration to deal most of its damage," she reasoned aloud. "Without reverberation, the initial impact will be all that's left. It's all chaos and disruption. I can calm it all."

Chopper and Franky murmured behind her in confusion, but Lana blocked them out, focusing on the pulsing vibrations that already emanated from Kuma's bomb.

"I will become..." she muttered.

"Now suffer..." Kuma declared.

"... the eye of the storm," Lana sighed. "Calm in the tempest."

"... the Ursa Shock."

Lana created an enmeshment of silence that swelled out from her to engulf the whole ruined courtyard. Up to now, she'd mostly suppressed sound in a created bubble. Now, she envisioned her power reaching deeper, stopping everything at its source, holding vibrations hostage in her grip to keep them from spreading.

Kuma's bomb went off, but no sound heralded its detonation. A strong, scorching wind swept over the pirates, forceful enough to move stones and send the survivors of Thriller Bark flying. Lana didn't budge from where she sat, debris swirling in the air as everyone screamed voicelessly around her.

'If they're screaming, they're still alive. It worked! I did it!'

The initial impact of the explosion still packed enough of a punch to knock almost everyone out. Lana and Kuma were, apparently, the only two left upright. He approached her in the soundless void, reaching her just as exhaustion overcame her. The effect of her devil fruit wore off as she fell forward, gasping for breath at the warlord's feet.

"I didn't expect to find such a versatile paramecia power holder among the straw hats," Kuma said. His voice was so gentle, startlingly so when paired with his imposing stature and devastating aura. "That attack should have destroyed this ship. Your counter impressed me. Tell me the name of your devil fruit."

Lana's panting grew more ragged, vision going fuzzy around the edges. She'd pushed herself past her limit more times than she could count throughout the night. Now, the price of her stubbornness came due devastatingly.

"Go to hell," she managed weakly, slumping against the rubble beneath her. She couldn't move a muscle, not even to keep her eyes open.

'Kuma's going to kill me... then my friends. I can't stop him... I failed.'

"I'm curious," Kuma told her. His voice sounded faint and far away.

'Luffy... Zoro... Sanji... please, someone wake up. Please save the others.'

Lana took her silent prayer, her last, fading hope with her to the dark void of defeat.

_____________________________________________________

<== Previous Chapter

Next Chapter ==>

== First Chapter ==

[365filmsbyauroranocte]

The Shadowless Tower (Zhang Lu, 2023)

[gearsandbranches]

Why am I here? It´s storytime

Today I want to write about something different. About something personal. About the reason this blog exists and why I´ve created it in the first place. About nature and love and anger and hope.

In 2020, the profile picture of this blog was taken:

It was taken on a solo hike through Sweden, a hike that didn´t go as planned from the beginning, but couldn´t possibly have been more impactful and fantastic and marvellous than it was.

I wanted to follow the Southern Kungsleden, a hiking path from the southernmost mountain ranges in Sweden northwards. I had planned this meticulously, every single day, every grocery store availiable (there were three spread out over the 18 day hike), every ecological zone I would be in, every possible spot to spend the night. And I got stopped in my tracks on day two, because I landed in the middle of snowmelt and bad weather and it just wasn´t doable, even less so alone. I had to reconsider, get out of there, back to safety, and plan again. And when I set out on the second part of that adventure, after a few chaotic days, my planning consisted only of a biking map in a way too big scale to be of any use, the actual map, diverted into 10 pdf´s on my phone, and a vague scrolling through a few travelling blogs.

The second hike was the Siljansleden, a hiking path around one of the biggest lakes in Sweden (but when they say "around", it means, 30 kilometers away from it and then back in a biiig sweep). It was me, alone, in deep forest, populated by moose, wolves, bears, wolverines, lynxes, and many other things that hikers are afraid of. But you still have to sleep somehow, so you have to find your peace with that. And I did it by seeing myself as just one more creature of that forest going about my business. Trying not to bother anyone. Trying not to get into anyones way. Just one of the many beings roaming the vast forests, not to disturb and not to be disturbed. I slept in a tent in the middle of the forest, and in the depth of night, when nothing was to be heard but the whistle of the wind in the trees, when the bright midsummer night spread a soft, shadowless light around, I felt safe, calm and deeply at peace.

And so I went on, for 2 weeks, alone with the forest except for 2 stops in small towns where I stocked up on food and rest. Just me and the forest and the occasional chat with a friendly stranger. I encountered animals of different kinds (including a lynx, that was magical, but to be alone with a cat whose head is almost as big as yours at 2,5 meters distance in the middle of the night is, let´s say, INTENSE). I had good and bad and fantastic days, and while I wouldn´t necessarily say that hiking alone in the wilderness is an easy life, it is a simple one: stay warm, stay fed, stay hydrated, stay dry, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. During those two weeks, I turned from a stranger and a visitor in the forest to someone who was at home there. Coming back to civilization afterwards was shocking and jarring, as dramatic as that sounds. I had to walk along a road to the campground in the town of my destination, it was 1,5 kilometres and it almost drove me to tears. The asphalt was too hard and too hot, the sun getting reflected off of it weirdly, the road wasn´t even super busy, but the cars where so loud and it was just TOO MUCH! Was that really meant for us humans to live in? Why? It took a long time to get used to it again, and I never did the way I was before. I also never step into a forest in the same way I did before. Even though I don´t think I could immediately sleep as calmy out in the forest as I did then, the feeling of being at home there still echoes. I know it´s possible. I know what it feels like, to just be one more creature of the forest, to be embraced by it. I know if I went back for a few days, I would feel the same simplicity and joy and peace again. Now, imagine what it feels like when that forest is cut down.

There was a strip of forest that was a former nature reservation close to where I live. Ten acres of it got cut down last year to built a bigger road with three roundabouts. I´ve known this patch of forest. I biked on a trail in it back from work. I´ve explored it with skis and by foot and collected mushrooms there. It was beautiful and it was erased for a stupid road project that won´t solve any of the problems it´s being built for, because bigger roads have seldomly led to less traffic, quite the opposite. We protested, we talked with the city government, we screamed and begged, but it still happened. Our local community then met up after the forest was cleared, to celebrate our activism if nothing else, to mourn together and to find comfort in community. I went there and I saw the destruction and I was FURIOUS! I´m normally a positive, peaceful person, but that made me just BURN with anger. I wanted to DO something, SCREAM at someone, throw a molotov cocktail into the office of the municipality and watch it burn, just as they had watched that forest fall without feeling anything. Quite possibly without knowing what they had destroyed, because they had never been in or with the forest in the same way. I was so incredibly angry and I wanted SOMEONE who was responsible for this to hurt as much as I did. And then I started to collect cones. Because more destruction wouldn´t lead anywhere and because I wouldn´t change anything by being sued for vandalism. It wouldn´t make anything better. But I collected cones and dried them and put the seeds in one of the planting pots on my balcony. And now I wait and hope that they´ll grow in the spring and that I will find a safe place for them to grow big. The trees that were growing in that spot are gone, but maybe their offspring will have a chance.

I still struggle with that anger. It makes me hateful and cruel and I think about spitting that hatred into the faces of every person responsible for environmental destruction. But I start to understand that this anger is not leading anywhere good. My mom once told me a proverb that says "holding a grudge is like poisoning yourself and hoping the other person dies". Being angry won´t lead anywhere and throwing that anger at the immovable wall that is world politics is only going to leave me drained and depressed. So I try to put my energy somewhere else. Planting trees. Working together with the local activist group. Finishing my studies and working for a better future. I still get angry. But I will try to channel it in a different way. Like writing a blog post about it and trying to update more often to spread the knowledge I gained at university and elsewhere.

Thank you for reading this far and I hope you have a wonderful day!

(PS: if by any chance (which is close to 0) that story about the hike sounded familiar, I do have a side blog where I wrote about it before, named @theopeneye)