#she is in MAJOR DENIAL we are the same person

[barnbridges]

my wifs is exiting denial, she sent me a tiktok about bottoming and was like "bunny corcoran" which is polically correct of her.

[ofjunemoment]

getting even | lee haechan (P2)

synopsis —  Haechan promises you that he wasn't the one behind the prank. But he also tells you that he likes you. You're torn between which one you want to believe more.

pairing - haechan x fem!reader

genre - university!au, strangers to friends to lovers, slow burn, very slice of life, eventual smut (MDNI)

Wc - 19k

content - camping, clubbing (again), smut (MDNI)

warnings: reader is drunk in one scene

a/n - YAYYYYYY here's the final part of getting even!! thank you for waiting patiently and I'm sorry it took this long,, thank you guys so much for your reactions and feedback on the first part, it definitely helped me finish this part quicker than I wouldve! i had so much fun with this haechan, and i hope you guys have fun with him <33 smut tags will be under the cut (not proofread sorry)

this is the second part of the getting even series! make sure to read the first part before reading this ^^

smut tags - fingering, unprotected sex (dont do this <3), oral (m receiving), praises, dirty talk?? like barely...., gets romantic and sappy in the middle sorry, lmk if I missed anything <3

“Is that everything?” Yubin scribbles at her clipboard as Juyeon closes the trunk of the van shut, clapping his hands together to rid of any excess dust.

“Seems like it,” Sohee speaks out softly, but her sigh is unmistakable. “But Jihoon is late. Again,” Everyone looks around for any sign of Jihoon, but it seems like your whole radio club is assembled but him.

“Ah, no worries. I just got a text from him saying he’s on the way. Something about Yubin wanting extra drinks…” Juyeon pipes up. Said club manager flushed as she got called out, waving her hand and scoffing in denial. “I didn’t say that! I just said, you know, that he should bring things to make the trip more… livelier?” For this semester's story scoop, your club had decided to make a trip to the rural farming areas just a few hour's drive south. Juyeon, the modern history major, had said that there was a grasshopper surge that he had decided to study for in his first year of course, which led to everyone being interested in how the farmers reacted to such a phenomenon. And so you all banded together and rented two vans and borrowed Yubin’s car, now filled with equipment and luggages, to stay in the town for two nights and conduct primary research on the topic.

Everyone seems excited one way or another for such an event, viewing this trip as a much-needed break from studying and assignments. Well, everyone except for your beloved friend, Naeun.

“I already feel sticky and we haven’t even started the trip,” Your selective germaphobic friend murmurs as she eyes the camping equipment that is being shoved at the back of the van by Minseok and Soyeon. 

You roll your eyes at her dramatics. “You wouldn’t be complaining like this if Jeno was in the mix,” You lightly shove your shoulder against hers, giggling when she glares at you.

“Jokes on you, I would be saying the same thing. Just with different context,” You grimace at her suggestive brows fluttering at you. Still, before you can let your impulsive thoughts take over and strangle her, you hear the crunch of tires against asphalt. You are met with a car pulling up at the waiting area where your club is waiting.

Jihoon steps out of the car and daps up Juyeon and Minseok, while bowing politely and apologising for being late towards Sohee and Yubin. 

“If it makes you feel better I bought a lot of alcoh—” Yubin's sharp laugh cuts off the rest of his sentence as she smacks at his shoulder a few times, her cackles bordering like a threat. 

“You’re so young and dumb, running your mouth. Oh, to be youthful…now get your shit out of the car.” She pinches his shoulder before gesturing towards the vehicle he’d pulled up in.

“Actually, I was gonna ask for a favour too…” The rest of the sentence goes unnoticed by you as your attention catches on the car that Jihoon has just gotten out of. It seems like he wasn’t the only person, and you hadn’t realised that until the car doors had opened and out stepped Jeno and Haechan.

“No fucking way,” Naeun pales next to you, and the feeling is mutual as your eyes widen on reflex. “We should really try being scared of good grades instead,” 

Jeno steps out of the car holding a box filled with what looks like alcohol and snacks that go along, his sleeveless shirt highlighting his flexed biceps as he carries the box towards where Jihoon is gesturing. Haechan, too, steps out with a box in his grip, adorning a simple shirt and summer shorts, and you can’t pull your eye away from him. Jihoon has his friends distract Yubin and Sohee from his late arrival (it works on the former, not much on the latter) as he guides Haechan and Jeno to shove the boxes in the back of the van you’re taking.

“I even brought extra sleeping bags, they’re new so you don’t have to worry,” His smile stays on even when Yubin pinches at his cheek. “Look at you trying. Hey, we have two extra seats in the vans if you two want to join?” She ignores the sharp look she receives from Sohee as she looks at Jeno and Haechan, who give a glance at each other and then Jihoon, and back to Yubin.

“Thanks for the offer, but I have a game to practice for,” Jeno smiles, and you feel Naeun grip at your wrist. He casts a glance at you, which sends you into a shock before a smile takes over his features. Everyone’s now looking at Haechan, and there’s only one way he can react when he has this much attention on him.

“How could I reject such an offer,” He bats his lashes as Jihoon grapples him into a friendly headlock. 

“I’m done,” You mutter, as everyone bustles around you to get their items in the car, Juyeon and Haechan are discussing how to ration their clothes for the latter to use, while Jihoon pulls out a fully inflatable flamingo from the trunk of his car, trying to somehow persuade Sohee on bringing it along. 

“There isn’t even a pool there!”

“But there’s a lake, no?”

Your shoulders slump in defeat. “Naeun, I’m so done,” Naeun relaxes his grip on your wrist when Jeno waves goodbye to everyone once Jihoon takes all his belongings out of the car. She pats your shoulder encouragingly, prioritising herself now that Jeno isn’t around to send her into a loop.

“You’ll be fine, I mean, he’s probably gonna be preoccupied with Jihoon. You probably won’t be able to even interact with him.”

True to her word, everything was fine. You didn’t even have to share an awkward greeting with him in front of everyone to save face and show that you get along well. Your tasks were assigned briefly by Sohee, and everything fit like it was planned to in the trunk of the vans.

You’re sitting in the back seat of one of the vehicles when the door opens and in comes Haechan. You do a mental check and realise that the only seats left are the two available ones next to you; although one was occupied by Juyeon’s massive skincare bag. As you were about to shove the bag in the middle seat and have Haechan sit on the opposite side, the bag was swiftly taken away by the owner himself.

“Ah, we need to make some space here for you to sit.” His sweet smile comes sinister in your eyes, as you see Haechan looking at the place before sparing a glance at you, the first of the day if anyone was keeping count. Not that you were. 

Seeing the caution in your eyes, he goes to settle himself on the opposite side, leaving the middle space empty for your comfort. As Haechan is trying to settle into the car seat, Jihoon takes a moment to glance inside before disappearing for a quick moment and returning with a pool toy, which he promptly hands to his friend.

“There’s no more space at the trunk,” He shoves it even more at Haechan’s side, making the boy tumble and fall into the middle seat instead, his hand coming in contact with yours. As you flinch, you just manage to realize what is happening before Jihoon closes the car door and heads to the passenger seat. Yubin starts the drive, and you find Naeun and Minseok in the middle row, with Naeun looking back at you with concern evident in her eyes.

You try to wave her off the best you can without Haechan realising, but it seems like he’s too preoccupied battling with the inflatable flamingo. “Why don’t you deflate it and inflate it when we get there?” He calls towards the front of the car at his friend.

Jihoon spins around from his seat and tries to look at Haechan through the gaps from the overshadowing pool toy. “This one’s weird, it doesn’t easily inflate again, so might as well just take it there while it’s fully filled. It’s not a tight fit for you two, is it?” 

Haechan gives the toy one more push and it’s angled in the least invasive way, yet his left side is pressed against you, and you can’t help but focus on the contact that his knee makes against yours, as the warmth of his skin travels easier with the skirt you’re wearing. You try your best to not look at the guy next to you, reminding yourself that it's only a two-hour drive, and you can probably try to sleep through most of it.

“No, we’re okay,” You ease Jihoon’s worries, who smiles brightly at you before turning back around.

Tucking yourself against the car, you try to find an angle that's most comfortable for you to fall asleep in, but while you’re shifting around something blankets your legs. When you open your eyes, you see Haechan placing a jacket on your leg. Where did he even pull this out from?

Looking at him, his gaze follows up from his jacket placed on your leg to your face, giving you a light smile as he tries his best to give you space even in the tight fit. Without a word, he folds himself against the flamingo toy and closes his eyes, ready to sleep. You want to thank him for his gesture, but as you see his breathing steady, you instead decide to follow his lead and shut your eyes, careful with his jacket against your legs. Soon, your eyelids begin to drift down, and your breaths become slower and deeper until you eventually slip into a restful sleep.

After what feels like a few hours, you awaken to find the van has stopped moving, and the rest of the club members have already gathered outside. You take the jacket in your hands and stretch your weary legs out before stepping outside, feeling the cool summer breeze against your face. Naeun’s the first person to realise that you’ve stepped out, waving her hand at you and gesturing you to join their circle.

“Good morning sleeping beauty,” She teases when you catch up, bumping her shoulder against yours.

“Alright guys, there are four tents, three of them fitting two people and one fitting three. You can pair up and grab them and set up at this area.” Sohee ticks off things on the clipboard, not taking her eyes off of it as she informs your group. “Try to be done by one, we’ll take a drive down to the village area and have lunch before we take a look around and see if there’s anyone who’s willing to be interviewed.” People have started to gather their bags from around their feet, ready to set up the tents. “And be careful about the space, we don’t want to be too crowded because it’s already hot enough. I know the lake is just a few minutes walk away from here, but refrain fro—”

“Let’s start setting up, yeah?” Yubin claps her hands together, effectively cutting her partner off and letting everyone disperse. 

As you find an area to set up your tent, you’re not even done with hammering in the corners of the tent into the ground before you hear your friend groan. 

"I never imagined they'd make us actually set up our own tents on this trip," Naeun sighs.

"Oh, come on, it's not that hard," you retort. "Besides, it's all part of the experience, isn't it?"

"Yeah, yeah, keep telling yourself that," Naeun laughs.

"Hey, I'm serious! This is meant to be fun," you reply with a smile. As you near the end of your process, you take a moment to look around the camping area. In the middle of a faux circle your tents are making is a general campfire and dock, where most of the snacks and drinks are placed, ready for consumption at later times in the day. Looking at everyone setting up their respective tents, you catch a glimpse of Haechan and Jihoon working diligently. Haechan’s back faces you as he hammers in the corner of his tents to the ground, and you’re only taken away from such a view when Naeun clears her throat.

“I’m innocent,” You don’t even look at her as you say this. Rolling her eyes at your helpless behaviour, your friend turns to the two of them setting up, before feigning a voice of interest. “Oh! Did you guys set up next to us? We’re neighbours now,” Jihoon looks up and smiles cheekily, indulging in your friends' reactions as he starts to talk about how excited he is about the trip. Meanwhile, Haechan merely glances at her, before his eyes shift past her figure and land on you. 

You shift in place at his gaze, meekly lifting a hand to wave hello, unable to think of anything else. A gleaming smile breaks out on his features as the corner of his lips tilts up, laughing at your awkward behaviour. You break eye contact, not wanting to spend another second subjecting yourself to being ridiculed like this. When you do, your eyes fall into the lent jacket folded and perched on top of your bag, a reminder that you’re yet to give it back.

When you and Naeun shove your bags into the tent and zip the entry close halfway, you hear a clap echo from behind you, where Yubin stands in the middle of the dock. 

“Is everyone done? Come around so we can do a quick brief before we go into the village,” When you all circle around her and the other club leader, a quick rundown is given to you of what is to expect when you head down to the village. You will all go around the village as a group, asking the residents about their knowledge of the grasshopper surge and if they’re willing to participate in a form of interview

The drive to the village was less squished as all the items you’ve packed have been unloaded, and you are able to view the beautiful scenery you had missed while asleep on the way here. Soyeon reaches over and tries to point at the best scenery for you to view, while Minseok tries to distract you by claiming to see a cow every few seconds.

You arrive at the village entrance, your windows rolled down to take in the fresh air and appreciate the charming farming fields spread out before you. The trees swing with the light summer breeze, while the shine of the sun highlights the bright-coloured fruits hanging off of the different gardens of each house. The houses are all clustered together, no doubt creating an easy atmosphere for friendliness between neighbours.

As you exit the van, your eyes slowly wander around to take in the sights of the village. Juyeon spots a few kids running around and playing with large hoola hoops, exchanging a friendly smile and wave with them. Both Yubin and Jihoon seem excited to wander around, quickly taking the opportunity to explore the quaint village by walking into the streets.

It’s quiet as you pass by the houses, with the people no doubt staying inside to have a nice lunch while staving off the heat. “I think there’s a good Naengmyeon store just a few minutes walk.” Sohee looks at both her phone and the clipboard alternatively, before starting her journey without a glance behind her. 

As you follow Sohee, you and Naeun walk side by side, taking in the fields and their vacancy. “It’s so serene,” she chimes.

You hum, “It must be so relaxing to live here, even the weather is good,” You stretch your arms out to get a better feel. “If I was living here I wouldn’t have a single complaint. I bet they all must be nice too,” 

“If I lived here,” Jihoon chimes, “I would be one of those old people that walks around with a stick I just found on the ground,” 

“I would live here with you,” Haechan adds with a smile. “Just so I can break your stick and laugh when you fall,” 

Jihoon jokingly goes to wrap his arms around Haechan, who tries to defend himself by delivering jabs into his friend’s waist. Your group laughs at their antics before suddenly being made to take a sharp left.

The quietness that existed two seconds before the turn is now all gone, as you’re met with the bustle of what you assume is the village centre. Market stalls litter around as kids run through their gaps. People gather around shaded decks, fanning themselves with various objects as middle-aged women gossip around. Even the two restaurants are bustling, but when Sohee goes to the one she had previously found, they miraculously provide tables for all nine of you, splitting into groups of four and five.

As fate would have it, you’re seated with Haechan and Jihoon, with the latter too oblivious to the stiff body language you and Naeun now harbour. Haechan provides a tight smile, but his friend goes on about how he’s starving. He calls for the owner of the place and orders your food.

The woman looks to be around sixty years old, and it’s obvious that you’re all thinking the same thoughts; she would be a good candidate to interview. “Anything else,” She jabs when you all silently look at her. 

Jihoon, ever the extrovert, sacrifices himself. “Ah, actually ma’am, I hope this doesn’t sound rude, but how old are you?” You can’t help but wince at his choice of sentence, now looking anywhere but at either one of their directions. Haechan purses his lips while Naeun coughs and goes to cover her face with her hand.

You feel more than hear her anger radiating off of the poor woman, as she shoves her hand into her apron pockets defensively. “My, talk about ‘not wanting to sound rude’,” She mocks. “Might as well ask what my income is, or better yet, the size of my br—”

“Please don’t misunderstand! I was just curious because I’m here to—”

“Just wait for your food and eat it diligently before I decide to kick you out,” Jihoon shrinks back in his seat, nodding his head solemnly. She tsks one more time before sauntering off, groaning and muttering under her breath as she goes.

“That couldn’t have gone any better,” Haechan pats his friend's shoulder, before tucking his chair further away from him, his foot bumping against you in the process. You share brief eye contact, about to share some awkward niceties before Jihoon goes to strangle him, something that occurs constantly it seems. You turn to Naeun, who looks back at you at the same time, with what you guess is the same bewilderment evident in your eyes. You burst out into laughter, leaning into one another as you take in what had happened

When you’ve all licked your bowls clean and had Jihoon semi-formally apologise for offending the lady, the group decided to saunter around the centre in order to find people to interview. 

“Okay, not a hard task.” Yubin looks at the clipboard that Sohee holds in her grasp, turning back to look at all of you. “We just need to be friendly, and boom, interview opportunity. But in case that doesn’t work, let’s have Jihoon-” The boy in question groans, “And Soyeon go around and try to conduct a mini questionnaire. Just simple questions like how long they’ve lived here, what their occupation is, and then find a leeway to ask about the grasshoppers.” Yubin clasps her hands together, and when no one budges, she starts shooing you off. Jihoon and Soyeon, the two clear extroverts of the group walk away, while Minseok starts dragging Juyon in the direction of a doughnut shop he wanted to try. Yubin and Sohee have their own way of handling things, which leaves you with Haechan and Naeun.

Naeun decides to be the icebreaker this time around, as she turns to both Haechan and you. “Yay! We’re our own trio now,” She makes some jazz hands as she says, “Just like old times in the Beehive club,” Your smile turns sour at the mention of the club.

You cross your hands in front of you in thought. “How can we approach someone about this?” You questioned out loud, but Haechan smiled at you before patting a hand on his chest.

“I can charm anyone over the age of fourty-five, it’s a hidden talent of mine. Alongside being able to juggle five things at the same time—”

“—There’s no way you can juggle five things at the same time.”

“... Do you want my help or not?” You and Naeun shove two thumbs up each in motivation before the boy takes a deep breath and starts scanning the area. With the bustle of lunchtime, there are a lot of people going around, some now setting up their dessert market stalls. 

Haechan shoots his chance by going up to a grandpa who walks by, wearing long sleeves and pants to stave off the burn of the sunlight. “Hi, sorry to bother but do you think you would be… interested…” The man kept walking as if nothing had happened, barely blinking when Haechan had come up to him. “Okay, that’s okay. Maybe he was hard of hearing?” As if on cue, the man waves as someone calls his name, going up to them and maintaining a conversation.

Now you have to find someone else. Simultaneously, all of your gazes fall on this one old lady pushing her cart, with a bit of a struggle if the minute movements of the cart are anything to go by.

Haechan makes his way through to her. “Aye, it must be hard for you to carry all of this alone. Let me help you miss,” He flashes his charming smile and you can’t help but find him endearing. In the summer heat, his cheeks look warmer than usual, as the shine of the sun reflects off his skin gleamingly. He looks cute, and you suddenly feel a sort of ache bloom in you.

The grandma squints for a while as she looks up at Haechan’s figure looming over her, and you would too if you were in her position; he’s practically beaming. But when she lifts her hand off of the handles of the carriage, it isn’t to give the boy reign but rather to deliver a hard-hitting smack at his shoulder.

You flinch and Naeun lets out a shocked shriek, as Haechan’s eyes widen, hand coming up to his bicep as he steps back.

“Damn city boy, you’re in my way!” She trudges off, and you all can’t help but look at her retreating back, the ring of her cart mocking your attempts.

It was difficult to try again after those failed attempts (you found it cute as Haechan would pout every now and then while he rubbed at his shoulder), but when Minseok and Juyeon had come back with three successful participants, you had all suddenly felt extremely competitive. 

And so you tried again, and again, and once more. Finally, a lady who was selling tanghulu had asked about your reason for visiting this town, to which she had nodded earnestly when finding out you were here to know more about the grasshopper surge. She later agreed enthusiastically when you had asked with your sweetest voice if she doesn’t mind being interviewed about it, going as far as to invite you to her house.

“Ah, we don’t wanna intrude on your privacy,” You had started shaking your hands about, but the lady merely tched at your behaviour. “Nonsense, if anything, you can do me a favour by coming in and keeping me company,” She gestured at her meek stall, and you couldn’t help but smile sweetly and nod.

With all of the interviews and mini-questionnaires secured, your group popped back into the van and ventured back to your camping grounds. Your village centre trip had taken a few hours to finish, and it was no surprise that by the time you had gone back, it was dark, and you were hungry once more.

Soyeon giggled next to you when she heard your stomach grumble. “I can make a mean shin ramen if you’d like,” You were about to bashfully thank her for offering before Juyeon loudly spoke up.

“You’re hungry too right? See Yubin, we should start the fire and barbeque now!” A bit more whining occurs before the fire pit is finally lit. In the dark of the summer night, a light breeze still comes around now and then. You drape a blanket stolen from your tent over your and Naeun’s legs, sitting on the log as everyone tends to a different part of the camping experience.

Yubin and Juyeon get busy with making the food, while Jihoon crowns himself as the bartender of the night, but instead of mixing drinks he merely passes them around and encourages everyone to take a sip before the food gets ready. Sohee quietly sets up a corner of the circle for smores to be made without risking the marshmallows from catching on fire, and a bit to her left sits Haechan, who sips at his bottle of beer while looking at the fire.

It seems like even the warm tone of the fire compliments his skin a lot, and you can’t help but look in his direction constantly, your eyes not wanting to look away. Naeun drones about a cute bag she had seen in the market earlier in the day, but your eyes are stuck on his features, pouted lips glistening after each sip of his drink, his fingers fiddling with one another against the bottle and then tapping at his knee. 

The sounds around you muffle as you focus on the contrasts of the dark summer night and the orange-yellow flame of the fire against the boy. You feel your stomach fluttering as you come to realise that the nervous feeling you harbour around him is a result of your blooming affection for him. 

Suddenly, you feel a warm gaze on you, and you turn to see Haechan's eyes fixed on you, with a gentle, understanding gaze. Your pulse quickens each moment you lock eyes, and it’s hard to bring yourself out of this reverie.

In the middle of enjoying this blissful moment with him, your heart fluttering and your eyes locked onto his, you startle as you feel someone tap on your shoulder.

You turn around to see Naeun looking at you, a slight frown on her face.

"What's wrong?" You ask her. Naeun shakes her head slightly and looks back in Haechan's direction.

"Have you been noticing Haechan's strange behaviour recently?" She whispers to you. Your brows furrow, but you can’t bring yourself to look at the boy anymore. “What makes you say that?”

She shrugs, “I don’t know, it kinda feels like he’s silently brewing something.” She taps her fingers against her chin as she thinks. “Or maybe I’m just making things up, I need a drink” She shrugs and quickly goes to stand up, heading towards Jihoon’s direction, who beams when your friend asks for a stronger drink.

The night continues with the food getting annihilated less than five minutes of it being cooked, and everyone mixing their spirits just to experience drunken fun quickly. A few impromptu singing sessions occur, and a very terrible round of truth or dare as Minseok decides to make everything hard by saying such as “I dare you to down two shots or give me fifty-thousand won”. No one was pleased with his low blow.

You know it’s time for you to head off to bed when your eyelids start drooping even when everyone is singing at the top of their lungs. You pat Naeun’s knee as you stand up, with her barely noticing as she tries to match her adlibs to the song. 

“I’m gonna head off to bed now,” As she nods back at you, you tuck the blanket back on her knees before shuffling away and towards your tent. Retrieving some things from your bag inside your tent, you hear some shuffling to your left as you head back out. Haechan stands at his tent situated next to yours seemingly calling it a night too as his hands carry his toothbrush and toothpaste.

You’re not sure where you got the confidence to speak first, but Haechan’s soft gaze illuminated by the moonlight eases you. “You’re heading to bed too?”

“Yeah,” He exhales. “I don’t think I can handle two more hours of a Bruno Mars medley. Even I have my limits.” The smile on his face grows as he looks at you, cheeks full of adoration.

As you stand there, a thought tugs at the back of your mind, a memory that you almost missed amidst the camaraderie and laughter earlier. With a sudden realisation, you remember that you still have Haechan's jacket that he lent you earlier. Feeling a little guilty and nervous, you quickly retrieve it from your bag, tugging at the sleeves of the jacket and straightening any creases.

"Actually, speaking of limits," you start, your voice a touch sheepish, "I kind of borrowed your jacket when it got cold. Sorry, I didn't know exactly when I should give it back."

His eyes widen in mock surprise, a playful grin curving on his lips. "You mean you stole my jacket?" he teases, an eyebrow raised.

You roll your eyes playfully. "Borrowed, Haechan. Borrowed."

He chuckles, his gaze dropping to the jacket you're holding out. "Well, I guess I can let you off the hook this time."

You let out a relieved laugh, a weight lifting off your shoulders. Haechan's fingers brush against yours as he takes the jacket from you, his touch lingering and warm against you. His eyes, usually full of mischief, now seem to hold a depth of emotion that you can't quite decipher. The playful smile he wore has softened into something more sincere.

"Thank you," he says, his voice gentle as he folds the jacket over his arm. "But you know, you could have kept it if you wanted to."

Your stomach dips at the implication as you let out a nervous chuckle, fingers fidgeting slightly as you meet his gaze. "I know, but you have to give back what you’ve borrowed,"

He tilts his head, his expression thoughtful. "Well, I'm glad you're honest, even if it's about jacket theft," he says, a hint of a teasing smile returning to his lips.

A comfortable silence settles between you, the tension from before now replaced by a sense of connection that feels even stronger. The distant sounds of the campfire and the rustling of leaves create a soothing backdrop, and when you look at the boy in front of you once more, you’re suddenly brought back to the moment you shared at the festival. 

“I thought you were rejecting me before I could even muster the courage to ask you out.” Was he joking again when he said this? Making some elaborate sick and twisted prank to make you feel better about the bucket of water that wasn’t even his own doing? 

Your curiosity gets the best of you, and when you go to clear your throat and voice your thoughts, Haechan's lips curve into a warm smile. "Well, it's getting late," he says softly, glancing toward his tent. 

You’re momentarily taken aback, now feeling lost on what to say. He takes your silence as a bid, zipping open his tent flaps and toes off his shoes. 

“Wait, Haechan,” Your voice surprises the two of you still, as Haechan looks over his shoulder and back at you with a hum, his eyes scanning your features. 

You shuffle in place, before bringing your hand up and waving at him timidly. “Sleep well,” 

This time, his reaction is different. He purses his lips, as if restraining a more exuberant smile, his eyes glinting with something unspoken. His nod is gentle, and he avoids meeting your gaze directly. "Goodnight, Y/n,"

The following day, after you’ve all washed up and had something to eat, you gather around the cleared dock in a circle once more. 

“Okay, so it seems like we have six willing participants. We’ve decided to split the teams as such,” With the crew only having access to three cameras, and today being the last day you all can visit the village, there will be three pairs conducting video-form interviews on three of the participants, while the rest do a one-on-one interview without any form of digital recording.

“These are the three pairs: Soyeon and Juyeon, you two will interview Mr Choi. Jihoon and Naeun, you’re on the Sim couple, and Haechan and Y/n can go to Mrs Kim,” You try your best to not seem as surprised as you really feel when you look at your partner, who beams back at you playfully.

Naeun raises her hand. “If my partner can’t shut his mouth and let the interviewees speak, do I have permission to smack across his head with the clipboard?”

“By all means,” Sohee replies without hesitation, while Jihoon raises his hand to his head protectively, looking warily at the clipboard that is being passed around to the groups.

X

You all depart at ten in the morning, hopping into the van and leaving your camping sanctuary. Yubin was kind enough to drive each of you to the houses of the interviewees, reminding all of you to meet at the village centre at three p.m. latest for dinner and then a drive back to the camp. 

Looking at the scribble of the address that the lady gave you yesterday (you’re still shocked that she entrusted you with such information) you look at the gate in front of you which sports the same exact numbers. With one simple scan around, you find that there’s only a handle attached to the door to indicate your arrival.

Haechan steps forward and knocks twice, before you hear a slide of a door and a few grunts. “Give me a few seconds, I’m not as agile as I was a few years ago,” Opening the gate, you feel like you’ve been washed anew, as Mrs Kim smiles widely at you two. “Come on it, I prepared some fruits for you two to eat,”

“Oh, Mrs Kim you didn’t have to,”

“Nonsense,” She tchs. “It’s important for you young people to stay healthy.” As you enter, you see the beautiful exterior of her house and a mini deck that adorns the fruits she had mentioned. 

Haechan adjusts the shoulder of the bag filled with equipment, his arm grazing yours briefly. “You have a very lovely estate, Mrs Kim,” He compliments, and his eyes squeeze shut when the woman reaches forward and pinches at his cheek. You can’t help yourself from laughing, as he contains his grunts.

“You flatter me too much young man,” She pats at his cheek once more, and you have to stop yourself from cooing when you see the red tone of his skin before he covers his cheek with his hand, rubbing it as a form of soothing remedy. “I have a few more things to bring. Did you guys have breakfast? Actually, doesn’t matter, even if you did you should eat more. It’s important to stock up on energy early in the morning.”

“Mrs Kim you don’t have t—”

“You guys can set up,” She shuffles back to her house, sliding the door open and shut behind her, gone before you could utter another word. Both of you look at the deck, which has a big bowl of fruits and three cushions for you to sit on.

Haechan is still rubbing at his cheek when he speaks, “I guess we can set up now, you wanna sit at the deck and I’ll adjust the camera?” The two of you work in harmony, with you adjusting the seats in order to achieve the best angle for the camera, while Haehcan looks at the viewfinder and asks you to shift when needed.

When you’re setting up the microphone and your clipboard with the provided questions, Mrs Kim comes back with two lines of kimbap lined on a plate and three sets of cutlery. Haechan lets out a sharp gasp in gratitude while your jaw slackens.

“Thank you, Mrs Kim,” You hum as you look at her, adoration no doubt filled in your irises. She waves shyly at you, before settling down at the cushion you had positioned for her. “Okay, there are a few questions that I have for you here, and it shouldn’t take more than fourty minutes if I don’t have any follow-ups.” You start explaining to her, and you look over at Haechan to check and see if your volume for the microphone is good or not. He gives you a thumbs up and a nod, which prompts you to continue with your debrief. 

“We can take breaks as much as you like, and if there isn’t anything you’re comfortable with answering please tell us. We’re not trying to make you feel bad with this interview, we just want more people to know about this because there isn’t much recorded at the moment,” You list off, not wanting to miss a detail. Situated behind the camera, you miss the way Haechan smiles fondly at your focused expression, but Mrs Kim doesn’t as she lets her gaze flit between the two of you.

“Whenever you’re ready,” You smile at her, and she smiles back before giving you a confirmation.

“Please introduce yourself!” As you ask her question after question, you munch on a few fruits to stave off the heat in the outdoor summer weather. You fill up your cups using the water jug Mrs Kim had brought and subtly shove it to the corner of the deck where it is closest to Haechan, who would try his best to retrieve it with as little disturbance as possible, After thirty minutes, you had only gone through three questions, stuck with asking her follow up questions about her farming and harvesting upbringing with how invested you were. You pause the interview recording as Haechan mutters something about needing the bathroom, and you finally get to dig into the food that Mrs. Kim has prepared for you.

You’re munching on the food when Mrs. Kim asks you a question. “Did you two decide to come here together?”

You cover your mouth with your hand as you speak, “Oh, we’re part of a group at university and our project was to research this topic,” You pour another cup of water for her when you see her reach for the jug. “Which thank you for accepting our offer, it was hard getting someone …” 

She laughs as she waves her hand at you. “The old people in this village are all grumpy because of the heat, don’t take it to heart sweetie,” Haechan struts back outside once more, and tampers with the camera to check the records. He brings it to you and asks about the angle which makes you two fall into a convo about the angles. You pick up a piece of kimbap and offer it to the boy, noticing he hasn’t had anything to eat as of yet.

You miss the fond look Mrs Kim holds, as Haechan shakes his head slightly with his mouth open, before engulfing the food and chewing, mumbling more about the camera settings.

“Mrs Kim, are you alright with changing the angle of the camera so it can focus on you?”

“You two are such a cute couple,” You almost get whiplash from how fast you turn your head to look at her, your utensils almost dropping the piece of strawberry you had picked up.

“Oh,” Haechan starts, and you’re not sure if the rouge colour of his cheeks is due to the sun or something else. “We’re—”

“And you’re such a gentleman too,” She gestures at Haechan before picking up an uncut fruit and peeling it. “I have five children, and a dozen of grandchildren. One of the younger ones is around the same age as you, so you remind me a lot of him.” She reminisces, and you can’t bring yourself to correct her statement when she gives you another piece of anecdote. “Although it’s been some time since I’ve seen them, I hope the next time I do they’ve grown as handsome and as kind as you are,” 

Haechan grows flustered as he occupies himself with a bite of a fruit, before developing a sudden tenderness. He saunters up to his side and holds his arms wide for a hug, which the woman grows mockingly agitated with, before accepting it. He whines cutely, “Mrs Kim, you can’t go all soft on me with no warning,” He rubs at her shoulder gently. “If you’d like, I’m more than happy to come back again to visit you, in exchange for your world-class food,” He receives a soft smack on the shoulder before bursting into laughter, and you can’t help but feel a sense of adoration at his words.

“You’re only gonna be a nuisance at my side,” She grunts when Haechan goes back next to you, plopping himself down to indulge more in the food. “I’ll let you visit me only if you bring your lovely girlfriend too,”

You start coughing on the grape you were munching on, as Haechan tuts at you and gives you a glass of water. Gulping it down, you stop yourself from having another fit when Haechan says, “I’ll bring my lovely, precious girlfriend with me too. Promise,”

Your interview with Mrs Kim was done three hours after your arrival, as you left with a full stomach and a massive hug from the sweet woman.

“Have a safe trip back,” She waves, and you and Haechan navigate your way through the neighbourhood and towards the village centre.

Haechan gives a wistful sigh. “What a sweet lady, I thought every person over the age of sixty wanted to run us over in this town,” 

“I think they just wanted to run you over.” You comment and are met with a light shove to your shoulder with his, a playful grin dancing on his lips. "Me? Come on, I'm nothing but a bundle of charm and charisma," he retorts while he stretches his arms out.

"Sure, if you say so," you reply with a smile, feeling the warm sensation before settling low in your stomach again.

As you both navigate through the village centre, the quaint streets bathed in the warm hues of the sun, Haechan's tone becomes a touch more serious. "You know, spending time with Mrs Kim was really nice," he admits, his expression softening.

You nod in agreement. "Absolutely. She's such a sweetheart. The way she talks about the village and its history, you can tell how much she loves it."

"True," Haechan agrees, his gaze distant for a moment before focusing back on you. "It's heartwarming to see how deeply connected she is to this place."

As you stroll along the cobbled path, a comfortable silence settles between you. The serene atmosphere of the village combined with Haechan's presence makes it feel like you're in a different world altogether, a world where worries and uncertainties can be set aside, even if only temporarily.

Eventually, the village begins to fade into the background as you approach your destination. With the fading light, the sounds of the evening grow softer, and you find yourselves in a quiet corner by the riverbank.

Haechan glances at you, a thoughtful expression crossing his features. "You know," he begins, his tone softer now, "I’m glad you were my partner for today."

You meet his gaze, a warm smile forming on your lips as you feel heat gather at your cheeks. "Yeah, it was fun." You cut yourself off short, scared that if you keep talking you’ll say more than you’d want to.

He grins, a hint of his mischievousness returning. "And who knows, maybe next time Mrs Kim will have some more matchmaking plans for us," he says, his eyebrows wiggling playfully. You laugh, shaking your head at his antics, but feel a nervous flip in your stomach. 

Before you can overthink and pick his words apart, you hear a honk from behind as a car drives up to the both of you. Yubin rolls down the window, gleaming at you from behind the wheel. “Great! You guys are done too, we were about to come pick you up. You guys had something to eat already?” You both nod your heads, now uncertain of Yubin’s enthusiasm.

“Perfect, because we aren’t heading to the centre for lunch anymore.” She tilts her head back to the van, urging you to get in. “We’re heading to the waterfall!”

It turns out that the man Yubin had been interviewing alone had mentioned a picturesque waterfall just a short drive from the town. The location came complete with a restaurant situated slightly downstream, but what had truly captured his nostalgic sentiment was his recollection of summers spent there during his youth. While she tells you all this, you don’t notice the passage of time. It's only when the car slows to a stop and Jihoon emerges from the trunk, his inflatable flamingo in tow and already sporting swim trunks, that you realize how far you've journeyed.

"Wait, are we actually going swimming?" Juyeon asks, his voice laced with surprise as Jihoon confidently strides towards the water, each step creating playful splashes. Sohee looks ahead at the water and Jihoon, expression blank once more. “We brought a few towels, some of them finished early so we drove back to the site and grabbed some things.” She shrugs her cardigan off, revealing her swimsuit from underneath. “You don’t have to swim if you don’t want to,” And she steps into the water, trailing behind Jihoon.

Naeun, who was one of the lucky ones to have finished early, is also wearing her swimsuit and is now trying to persuade you to join. “Just dip your feet in, you’re already wearing shorts! I brought some slippers for you too,” When she sees that you’re not budging, she huffs at your stubbornness before heading in. Even Miseok, who was fully clothed, went ahead and emerged himself into the water, squealing about the cold of the water.

You sigh in thought, looking down at your cladded feet, contemplating whether you should go in or not. You do feel the sweat built up from the whole day's work disappearing in the presence of the cold waterfall, but the body of water looks more and more tempting as droplets land at your feet, courtesy of Naeun and Soyeon declaring war against Minseok and drowning the guy with splashes of water, their laughter ringing through the air. Yubin clings to Sohee’s waist as she twirls her around in the water, and Haechan tries to coax Juyeong into making Jihoon sink by toppling him over the flamingo.

You sit by the edge of the water, your feet dangling in the cool stream, watching your friends enjoy themselves. Haechan, ever the observer, notices your conflicted expression. His eyes meet yours, and he saunters over with that signature mischievous grin that never fails to stir something in your chest.

“You coming in?” voice tinged with playful curiosity, he gets out to stand next to you, tousled hair dripping and his sun-kissed skin glistening. His shirt clings to his form, and it takes all of your willpower to look away from the dip in his waist. 

“I don’t know, I’m still thinking…” The cold water looks exceptionally inviting, but you wouldn’t have a change of clothes, and you’re not sure if the white t-shirt you adorn would help in not exposing you. 

“Hmm, I mean, you had a bucket of water dunked on you once, right?” He circles behind you as he says this. “So this time it shouldn’t be too bad,” Before you can turn to look at him and decipher what he means, you feel strong arms circle around your waist before you’re being trudged forward, a startled laugh escapes your lips as he carries you toward the water.

"H-Haechan, wait!" you protest, a mix of laughter and uncertainty in your tone.

He pays no heed to your objections, stepping in more and more into the cold and refreshing water. As the water reaches his waist, he takes another step forward, your laughter mingling with the splashes around you. The initial shock of the cold water is soon replaced by a rush of exhilaration as he swings you left and right quickly.

"See?" he grins at you when you turn to look at him, the playful spark in his eyes impossible to ignore. He takes another step forward, wanting to get the both of you close to the rest, but his foot gets caught momentarily as he leans forward more, making you squeal as you’re faced with your death for a few seconds.

Fortunately, you don’t fall in face first, as Haechan gathers himself just in time. His arms are gripped tighter around your waist, as he tries to fully regain his balance by grounding himself into you. You feel his chest against your back, and if it weren’t for the cool stream of water whizzing past your body, you would’ve been burning up.

“You almost killed us both,” Haechan loosens his hold around you as you say this, gently turning you around to face him instead, your grip going back to his forearm. Nothing could have prepared you for the view you’re met with, a smile gleaming across Haechan’s face, carefree and unfiltered as he revels in the summer sun and the cool water from the waterfall and riverbank. He looks like the embodiment of summer, and you’re slowly finding yourself wanting to bask in his light.

His smile slowly fades as his eyes start looking across your face, taking in your features one by one, from the corners of your eyes to the shine of the sun against your cheeks, and lastly your lips. You feel your breath hitch, the only thing grounding you being the grip you hold on the Haechan’s forearms, while his hands hover over your waits, before gently getting a hold on them, his fingers squeezing deftly. You’re not quite sure if you’re intently focusing in on his face, or if he’s slowly leaning in, but before you can figure out the air that hangs between the two of you, a deafening screech sounds in front of you, and in that suspended moment, your instincts kick in. Your arms reflexively rise to cushion the impact, and Haechan's body collides with yours. 

For the second time this afternoon, you close your eyes as you brace yourself for impact, the world briefly becomes a blur of sensations. The water is just deep enough to soften your fall, but you know the skidding of the pebbles under your feet would inflict some sort of pain. Neither of you gets to find your footing this time round, as you fall into the water, refreshing coolness sliding down on you before engulfing the two of you.

As the world comes back into focus, you find yourself near Haechan once again, his laughter bubbling through the water. His mischievous grin is evident even underwater, and it's easy to imagine the triumphant sparkle in his eyes.

"You really can't catch a break today, huh?" he teases, his words echoing through the water.

You can't help but let out a laugh. "You could say that." Haechan surfaces beside you, water cascading from his hair, his wet shirt clinging to his form once more. As you two recover, you look up and towards the direction of the commotion that happened to send Haechan and you toppling over. There you see Minseok, a look of uncertainty cast on his face before it falls to a cheeky grin, his face stretching almost uncomfortably.

"Guess I misjudged the distance," Minseok calls out, his tone light as he shrugs his shoulders. Your brows furrow, but you don’t say anything when Haechan playfully splashes water in Minseok's direction. "Nice aim! You almost gave us a heart attack and had us follow the stream,” He points towards the flow of the water starting from your feet, and looking down at your soaked-through shirt you realise that you’re more exposed than what you had planned.

Haechan’s gaze catches on you crossing your arms over your shoulders, a weak attempt of you trying to cover yourself. Quickly scanning the bags and mats huddled together just on the floor next to the waterfall, he gently offers his hand for you to take, swishing through the currents and stepping out, helping you do the same before he grabs the only available towel he could find, wrapping it around your shoulders.

“There,” He pats your sides, helping you to dry. Your heart warms at his gesture, smitten eyes looking at his while he looks anywhere but directly at you.

People start getting out slowly too, some grumbling about being hungry from not having a chance to eat before coming to swim. When everyone grabs a towel, you realise that Haechan is the only one left without one. Everyone’s too busy tending to themselves to notice, and you see a faint shiver coarse through his body, the cold of the water relentless even in the heat of the summer.

You shoulder off your towel, handing it to him without saying much. He looks at your extended hand and you know he’s about to refuse when he sports a sheepish and teasing smile, ready to refute your attempts by making some sort of joke out of it, or claiming you need it more.

Somehow, you know that he won’t give in until you also have a towel or something similar to help you, so you decide to do something else. You place one end of the towel around his right shoulder, and you see him open his mouth to voice his protest, but his voice dies in his throat when you stick yourself by his left shoulder, wrapping the other end of the towel around yourself too. He looks at you incredulously, and you’re sure now that teh heat on your cheeks can’t be blamed on the heat of the weather anymore.

You try to will away your flustered expression, now refusing to meet his eye. “You wouldn’t take the towel, so I had to make do,” You mutter, now feeling somewhat ridiculous for your attempt at wanting him to use the towel. Haechan, having never met with this side of yours, gets a bit giddy as he grins widely at you, reaching out from under the jacket to pinch at you. You smack away his hand, before muttering something about wanting to find Naeun, separating yourself from the towel and quickly stepping away.

Back at the campsite, everyone takes turns rinsing off and helping to prepare for tonight's round of food. Although most of the drinks that Jihoon had brought were dwindling to a finish, he pulls out an extra bottle of emergency vodka, preparing shots for everyone to have. 

As Jihoon’s tactics of making everyone drink to get drunk don’t go through, he tries something that never fails. “Okay, we’re playing never have I ever, and for every one finger you put down you have to take a shot,” Yubin immediately bites, saying “Never have I ever been named ‘Sohee’,”

Sohee's reaction is swift and accompanied by an indignant glare. Without missing a beat, she reaches for a shot glass and downs the vodka, setting it down with a determined clink. Jihoon grins, clearly delighted by the engagement he's sparked. "Only Yubin can pull something like that and not get torn in half,"

But Sohee doesn’t back down easily. “Never have I ever cut my own bangs,” Yubin purses her lips from laughing, lowering one finger as she looks at her shot glass in shame before downing it. A few other people drink too, with Haechan laughing at Jihoon who takes a hard-hitting shot.

“Why would you cut your bangs?” Naeun questions Jihoon as he recovers from the taste of vodka. “Sometimes times are tough,” 

Haechan scoffs. “He saw a video of a guy thirst trapping and the girl he liked at the time had liked it. So he thought a haircut would be a quick fix,” Jihoon scowls at being called out so easily. Before he could strike back with a question, Minseok suddenly speaks up.

"Never have I ever accidentally spilled a secret that wasn't mine to spill," Minseok announces, his eyes locking onto Haechan's with a knowing glint. The question lands like a playful challenge, drawing amused glances and ripples of laughter from the group. Haechan's expression shifts from surprise to a grin, lifting a shot glass and downing it seamlessly. Your eyes catch on the side of his face as he tilts his head back, throat bobbing lightly as he downs the drink, and amid all the ruckus and noise of the group, you can’t help but find his expression hot.

Not right now, you can’t start salivating in the middle of a friendly gathering and so you turn to look away. Your gaze instead catches on Minseok, and his once playful expression has suddenly faded into a displeased one, as he pushes his glasses back up his nose bridge. You grow confused at his sudden shift of mood, but before you can further contemplate anything, Naeun shrieks at a question that Soyeon had asked bringing you back to the group.

The game shifts into story time, as people talk about how they’ve broken bones to the times they were caught masturbating. You can’t help but grimace at Juyeon’s story of how the person he was with had kicked out his pet cat from the room only for her other cat to pop out of the closet, as she cooed at her pet not even a full minute after they finished. 

Someone reaches for a bottle of water and finds that the ones on the deck are all empty. “I’ll get some more from the van,” You volunteer, standing up and dusting yourself off. Yubin’s temple is resting against Sohee’s shoulder as she slurs, “Take s’meone witchu... Bottles heavy..” You glance around only to be met with Naeun excitedly asking Juyeon to tell her more about his embarrassing moments so she can exchange with him, while the rest egg him on. Your attention shifts to Haechan, his eyes already fixed on yours. With a subtle tilt of your head away from the campfire, a surge of confidence courses through you as you invite him to join you. 

The walk to the van is quiet, save for the crunch of your shoes and sandals against the floor, as you look at the sky and the trees, anywhere but at him now that he’s actually by your side. 

Haechan's voice breaks the silence, soft. "Was it fun for you so far?"

You turn your gaze to him, offering a small smile. "Yeah, I’m glad to have gotten away like this before the exams start up again." Subconsciously, you start treading closer to him, your shoulder now brushing against his every other step you take. “But I don’t think I can go to another social gathering until next year,”

He chuckles, a sound that seems to meld seamlessly with the night's tranquillity. "Tell me about it. Minseok’s been on a mission this whole trip, hasn't he?"

You nod, the playful note in his voice helping to ease the tension that had briefly gripped the atmosphere. “Your title is gonna be revoked soon if you don’t watch out,” 

You arrive at the van, and you feel the weight of the key in your pocket, but you can’t bring yourself to fish it out, as you now stand face-to-face with Haechan. Even with the sun’s shine bringing out the warmth and glow in him, you’re just as mesmerised during the night, the moonlight turning him blurry at the edges, and you can feel yourself softening even more. 

You’re brought back to the festival when Haechan had pulled you away and continued to laugh at you for being mad at him for pulling a prank on you. You’re still not entirely sure if he isn’t to blame, but that’s the last thing on your mind as you recall his words. “I thought you were rejecting me before I could even muster the courage to ask you out.”

He’s right in front of you again, looking at you patiently, gaze slowly flitting over your features, from your eyes to your cheeks, at your hair and fleetingly at your lips when you go to speak.

"Hey, about what you said earlier…” you begin, your voice steady but tinged with a hint of uncertainty as your hands fidget with one another. “Back at the festival, about asking me out,"

His eyes meet yours, searching for something in your expression. He seems to hold his breath, waiting for your words to unfold.

"Was that just... you know, another one of your jokes?" you ask, your tone light yet inquisitive. 

Haechan's eyebrows knit together for a moment, a hint of surprise in his eyes as if he didn't expect you to bring up the topic, not like this. He then lets out a soft chuckle, shaking his head slightly. "No, I wasn't joking," he says, his voice gentle but earnest.

His second confession hangs in the air between you, a mixture of emotions swirling beneath the surface. You feel your heart racing, your mind racing even faster. Your next words are caught in your throat, wondering if now is the time.

“I…” But Haechan’s anything if patient and kind, as he steps closer and gently clasps your hand in his, both of your gazes falling on your now linked hands before travelling up to your faces. “I really like you,” You breathe, and your gaze zeroes in on his plush lips. “And I really want to kiss you now,”

Your cheeks heat up at your sudden bluntness, but a tender smile graces Haechan’s features and he takes a step closer. Your hands remain linked, his touch warm and reassuring against your palm. His head tilts a bit, breath mingling with yours as his eyes fall to look at your lips, gaze growing hooded in the dark of the night.

His lips meet yours gently, the plush skin enveloping you, and all you can feel and hear is him. The summer breeze and the crickets chirping now fades away, as you feel his fingers clasped through yours and the brush of his nose against you. He separates slightly, pulling back as he slowly opens his eyes, but you’re barely done.

Panic overtakes his features when you let go of his hand, but then it's replaced with a look of surprise when you quickly but gently clasp his face in your hands, leaning in and kissing him once more. He can’t help the slight smile that urges to overtake his features, but he grounds himself by clasping your waist, pulling your body closer to his. He pecks your lips, again and again, his palms squeezing your waist deftly, as if he can’t get enough. Your arms link around his shoulders when he pushes himself closer to you, shifting from caring pecks to heated kisses, pushing you two closer together. 

Finally, when the soft breeze doesn’t help fight the heat, you separate from each other, but your bodies are still intertwined. You rest your forehead against his collarbone and he smiles, wrapping his arms around your waist now.

“Fuck,” You mutter, “Why was that so good?” He chuckles at your words, kissing the side of your head that’s still buried in his chest.

“Yeah?” He mumbles into your hair, and it takes all of your willpower to not collapse right then and there at his hot tone. “Can’t wait to show you more then,” He pecks at your cheek lightly before stepping back and towards the van, and you can’t help but silently mourn the loss of his touch.

When you get back to the campfire and sit next to Nauen, she comments on how warm your body is.

“Of course my body is warm, it’s summer. Did you forget?” Naeun looks at you with one of her eyes squinted shut, the other barely open as she tries analysing you through her drunken state.

“You’re right, I did forget. I just thought Haechan kissing you would’ve made yo—“ You smack your hand on her mouth as your wide eyes scan across the deck, scared that other people have caught on to her words. Naeun and her damn mouth, and really accurate drunk guesses.

After looking around, you’re relieved to find that everyone’s too busy with their own activities. Your eyes fall on Haechan, who must’ve felt your gaze as he quickly glances towards you, sending a wink and an air kiss. You roll your eyes, looking away quickly so he misses the fondness that overtakes your features.

Naeun leans on your shoulder as you two look at the blank space that once had your shared tent. 

“I’ll miss this place,” She sniffles, and you can’t help but scoff. 

“You were complaining just twenty minutes ago about how gross this trip made you feel.”

“Maybe the cleanliness of camping is the friends we made along the way,” She loses her footing when you move away from her, making her lose her position from being perched on you. Going to the van where everyone’s huddled at, you help give some of the items to be fitted into the truck.

Rubin tucks a strand of hair that’s sticking out from Sohee’s hair as the latter reads off of the clipboard in her hand. “Okay, everyone has their bearings?” Jihoon shuffles in with his flamingo plushie. “Wait, let me deflate this quickly and shove it at the back,”

“No!” You exclaim, and everyone looks at you with your sudden outburst. Without the flamingo, you wouldn’t have an excuse for wanting to squeeze closer to Haechan as you sit next to each other. You quickly gather yourself, clearing your throat and trying to seem nonchalant. “Uh, I mean like, don’t deflate it now. It’ll be hard to inflate it again.” You look away as you gesture your hand around. “There’s space at the back of the van anyway.”

You catch Haechan’s gaze, who is now covering his mouth with his hand to not burst out with laughter. Jihoon looks at Yubin with confusion, before the team leader shrugs, gesturing for the flamingo to fit into the van. When everyone shuffles into the van, Jihoon hands you the flamingo, which you happily grasp and tug at your left side, as you sit in the middle. Haechan fits himself at your right side, and you try your best to avoid Naeun’s suspicious yet knowing glare.

When the van roars to life, so does conversation between everyone, as Jihoon plays music through the aux cord, providing some background music. Now that you’ve achieved your goal of having Haechan sit next to you, you don’t know what to do, settling into your seat with the inflatable flamingo cradled in your arms. His thigh pressed against yours as the two of you relaxed back into your seats, and you couldn’t bring yourself to focus on anything but the warmth seeping through the fabric of your clothes, making it hard to concentrate on anything else.

As you steal a glance at Haechan, you find him already looking at you, a playful glint in his eyes and a mischievous grin tugging at his lips. You can never win.

He seems to find amusement in your flustered state, a knowing look passing between you as if sharing a secret language. And just when you expect him to tease you, he instead offers you an airpod of his (which you’re thankful for, you don’t know what suffices as an excuse for oggling him the way you did).

"Here," he says, his voice a soft undertone amidst the conversations. You're momentarily taken aback by his gesture, your fingers brushing against his as you accept the earbud. 

It’s when you’re in the middle of choosing which decade of music to listen to when Minseok turns around and is met with your bickering. Naeun joins in, a smile on her lips as she enjoys the banter between you and Haechan.

Then, Minseok's voice cuts through the chatter, posing a question that catches you off guard. “Did you forgive him after his prank?” It takes a moment for you to realize that it’s directed at you. You glance between Naeun and Haechan, uncertain of how to respond to his unexpected query.

Quick to step in, Naeun's voice rises above the background noise as she takes charge of the situation. “The water bucket? Haechan wasn't behind that one,” Minseok now looks at Naeun with a confused tilt. 

"But he was, right? I remember he was on his way to class and turned back at the last minute." 

It’s now your turn to be confused. “How did you know he was heading to class then?” You see a bit of colour drain from his face as you ask him, and before he can say anything, Juyeon and Soyeon call for his attention, giving him an escape from the conversation.

A glance is exchanged between you, Haechan, and Naeun, a silent agreement passing between you all. Naeun waves off the topic, assuring you with a casual gesture. "Don't worry about it for now. Let's get back to what we were doing." With that, she turns her attention back to the ongoing activities, allowing you to enjoy your privacy once more.

As you listen to the calming music he plays, you lay your head on his shoulder, finding solace in the rhythmic hum of the van's journey. His voice drifts into a lively monologue about his evolving music preferences over the years—tales of the artists he favoured in his younger days and those who currently capture his admiration. You can’t help but feel warm as he tells you personal anecdotes of listening to his parents’ karaoke sessions, and how his mum especially used to love singing.

Watching him speak animatedly,  a wave of endearment washes over you. Pouting as he sometimes speaks and moving his hands when he wants to emphasise a point, The surge of fondness overwhelms you and you let your urges take over, nipping lightly at his shoulder, not knowing how else to assert the cute aggression you feel so suddenly.

“What—” Haechan claps his hand over the spot you playfully bit, his mock protest making you roll your eyes at his dramatics. “That hurt!”

“It wasn’t even that hard! My teeth barely caught on.” You cross your arms. He suddenly wraps one arm around your shoulder, hand bumping against the barely alive flamingo as he pushes you closer to him. “Don’t go soft now. I didn’t say I didn’t like it. But just be careful now,” He leans into your ear, lips grazing your skin as he whispers. “I like biting too. Sometimes hard enough to leave a mark,” 

You glare when he parts from you. “Is that a threat?” 

He tilts his head in thought. “A threat for a good time? Maybe,”

You would be lying if you said the trip didn’t change anything. Naeun has been relentless, asking you every time she sees you smiling if it’s because of Haechan.

“You never smile for any other reason,” She barely misses the pillow that’s flung in her direction.

But as you return back, you’re suddenly met with your responsibilities you had momentarily forgotten about, as deadlines creep up. You’re only either at your classes, the library, at work or at home. So you don’t get to see Haechan, but you do text, which gives Naeun reasons to tease you. It hurts you to say that she’s right about you smiling because of him, so instead you deflect and threaten to spill the beans on her crush on Jeno. That stopped her for two weeks, and that’s all the time you needed to focus on your studies.

As everyone’s assignments and exams come to an end, a flurry of parties and gatherings are held, and people are ready to let loose before dispersing once the holidays start. 

And so here you are, at the first party of the week, taking shots with Naeun as if they’re water. Usually, one of you would opt to be just a bit more coherent and sober than the other, just to make sure no one makes any mistakes they’ll regret later; but the exams were hard-hitting this semester, and what else do you talk about the day after these parties if not your fuck-ups?

It’s Sunwoo’s house that you’re raiding, and Naeun has somehow convinced the host to give them unlimited shots as compensation for when he made her talk about Haehcan’s prank.

“You really hold grudges don’t you?” He says as she pours you two another round, almost missing your cups with how much he’s also had himself. She giggles as he says this before her expression falls as he looks at him with a scowl. “Say that again and I’ll show you what a real grudge looks like,” 

The night continues to be rowdy, as go around dancing to the music that’s being blasted and you stumbling yourselves into a game of truth or drink, where you would drink even with questions you were okay with answering. You’re now plastered to a couch, unable to move as your body feels unnaturally heavy.

“You know,” Naeun hiccups. “I love you, like, so much. You fucking bitch.” She slurs, tapping her hand against the couch in an attempt to find your hand. She gives up after three taps, hiccuping once more. 

You nod against the back cushion of the couch. “I love you too, but,” You blink open your eyes, wanting to look at your best friend as you say this. “I just want you to know that you’re deserving of so much love.” You also try to move your hand to find hers, but you quickly realise that you can’t even find where your hand is.

So you keep going. “Soo much love. And the fact that you’re still single? Crime, jail immediately,” Naeun starts tearing up, because she gets emotional easily after three shots. “You’re so right, like, how long has it been since I’ve had my back blown?”

You shake your head, “Not even that, you deserve someone who’s into puppy play as much as you are. You know what?” Somehow finding some strength, you push yourself up and place your hands on her shoulders to steady yourself, wanting to gaze into her eyes as you say this. “You deserve Jeno and you should confess to him; he would be a psychotic maniac to not want to date someone as hot and as pretty as you are.” You miss catching the tears falling from her face, but you don’t need to do much, as her expression contorts from sadness to realisation.

“You’r—” She hiccups briefly. “So right. You’re so right. You know what? I’m gonna go and confess now,” Naeun’s willpower comes back in full force, as she suddenly stands up, posture straight like never before. You’re flung off of her as she does this, collapsing onto the couch, not yet having found the same energy she has mustered. 

You’re not sure if your cry of good luck reached your friend’s ears from where you’re squished against the couch, but you can’t bring yourself to care as grogginess starts to take over, your eyes barely staying open even in the rowdiness of the party.

You feel yourself fall asleep just a bit, but are brought back to the lights and music of the party when you feel a gentle tap against your forearm. Opening your eyes, you’re met with Haechan’s crouched form as he smiles fondly at you, eyes scanning your face.

“You okay?” He asks, and you give him your best smile and a thumbs up. 

“Never... Never better.” You reach out your hand, wanting to have some sort of contact with the boy in front of you. “Actually, I’m way better now that Haechan is here,” 

Haechan’s smile widens into a grin, as he sees you flailing your hand around his general direction. “Haechan is happy that he’s here. Come one, let’s get you to sit up.” He clasps your hand in his, before gently lifting you from your horizontal position. You lean towards him, wanting to bask in his presence more, but he hums at you, urging you to sit back. Your face makes contact with the back cushion of the couch once more, and you can’t help the pout that sports your face. With your ears no longer buffered, the loud noise from the party rushes back to you at full force.

“It’s so loud here,” You murmur, squeezing Haechan's hand, to which he responds with a gentle squeeze of his own “So loud, ‘s annoying. Everyone’s annoying, but you, and Naeun is wetting her dick right now,” You don’t even care if your words are coherent or not, and judging by Haechan’s warm gaze, it doesn’t seem like he cares either.

He cups one side of your face, covering your ear from the ruckus of the party while having you look at him. “You wanna go home, baby?” 

You struggle just a bit to find his gaze, but smile at him anyway, pressing a gentle kiss against the palm of his hand that’s cupping your face. “Baby...yeah, wanna go home.” He pulls his hand back at your agreement, pecking his lips at the same spot you kissed him, before helping you to your feet. "Alright then, let's get you out of here."

[SATURDAY; 2:46 AM]

haechan <3: hope youre okay

haechan <3: drink lots of water when you wake up

[SATURDAY; 11:03 AM]

you: i wanna hibernate my life away

haechan <3: aw dont do that

haechan <3: maybe try a panadol first?

you: i will now

you: thank you for last night 🤍my prince charming

haechan <3: yours? 

you: ..

you: anyways.

you: how can i repay u :( 

haechan <3: dont gotta repay me for anything

you: let me have this one 

haechan <3: if you insisttttt

haechan <3: come over to mine tmr

you: how would i be repaying u that way??

haechan <3: i get to see your pretty face

you: 😐

haechan <3: ik you’re kicking ur feet rn

you: stop stalking me omg

You shuffle on your feet as you wait for Haechan to come to the door, feeling a bit stiff as you stand in the hallway of the apartment he lives in. When you had used the excuse of not wanting to annoy his roommates by coming over, he had attempted to reassure you that you won’t need to worry, because they won’t be here. 

The keyword is attempted. You feel far from reassured that it’ll just be the two of you for the rest of the day, afraid that the freedom of being home alone with him would lead to your mind jumping to places you’re not sure about. 

As you fidget in the hallway, your mind races with a mix of excitement and nervousness. You've spent time with Haechan in various places, but this is the first time you'll be alone together, let alone in his apartment. The possibilities and implications of this newfound privacy make your heart race.

Finally, the door swings open, and Haechan stands there with a welcoming smile. He's dressed casually, the hem of his white t-shirt hanging just at the waist of his grey sweatpants. "Hey, come in." he greets, strolling aside to let you in. Stepping in, you can’t help but let your eyes wander around, curious about the space he lives in. You’re surprised to find it in a messy-clean state— there are no stains or food scattered around, but there are many things clustered upon one another, as if either Haechan or his two roommates, Renjun and Jeno, were too lazy to put them away or thought they might need it in the near future.

He sees you scanning his living space and starts scratching at his neck in embarrassment. “Ah, I thought we could just hang out in my room, that’s why I didn’t make an effort to clean here..” He points back towards his room, and you feel shame bubble in you when your mind wanders. Maybe he just didn’t want to mess with his friends’ belongings scattered in the living room. Or maybe he wanted you in his room and on his bed.

Before you can dwell too much on those thoughts, you offer a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, it's totally fine," you say, doing your best to sound nonchalant despite the butterflies in your stomach. "Your room sounds great." 

He smiles at you warmly, before gently reaching forward and holding your hand in his, pulling you towards his kitchen. He pops open a cupboard, and in you see an abundance of snacks. “Wanted you to pick anything you like,” He chuckles when he sees your amazed appearance. “We spend, like, seventy percent of our monthly grocery funds on these things,” He grabs a few snacks to his liking, urging you to pick your faves too. Afterwards, you shuffle behind him towards his room, which you can’t help but study again. A single candle emits a soft, warm glow on his desk, and a few pillows, seemingly borrowed from the couch, are arranged neatly on his bed. You can’t help but feel warm at the prospect that he had gone out of his way to clean his room like this for you.

Heading towards his bed, you place the snacks down at the bedside table, curiously glancing around at Haechan as he roams around, switching on the TV that’s mounted opposite his bed, sitting at the edge of his bed where his laptop sits, trying to connect his streaming service. “Is there anything you want to watch?”

You hum in thought, “I’m fine with anything.” You settle at the edge of his bed, feeling a bit unsure of where to sit. Once Haechan puts a movie on, he smiles at your awkward demeanour, fiddling with your fingers as you look at his bedsheets. He goes up to the headboard of his bed and pats the space next to him, signalling for you to join him. Smiling at his initiative, you take a seat next to him, getting more comfortable against the pillows when he wraps his arm behind your back, sinking back into the pillows. 

You truly did try your best; you looked at the subtitles and read them along with the voices of the actors on the screen, and tried to encapture the scenes and backgrounds, but you couldn’t, for the life of you, fully focus on the movie. Not with the warm contact that is spread at your back, your shoulders pressed against Haechan. It also doesn’t help that your eyes travel to the ripple of the fabric of his sweatpants when he readjusts himself to a more comfortable position, or that you envision his soft grunts of moving around as something else whispered deeper into your ear.

It doesn’t seem like you’re good at keeping your feelings at bay, though. Haechan playfully squeezes your side after noticing you lost in thought, your gaze lingering on the tantalizing glimpse of skin between his shirt and waistband. “Is the movie too boring?” Your eyes snap up to his face, now feeling a mix of shame and guilt for letting your mind travel elsewhere.

“No! It’s just…” You trail off as you try racking your brain for an excuse. “Sorry, was jus’ thinking.” You feel another squeeze at your side, and if you were standing at this very moment your knees would’ve given out on you. You find it unfair that he’s able to do all this and drive you up the wall so easily.

He hums at your words before his gaze goes back to the movie playing. You almost scoff at his indifference, but also go back to looking at the TV. Two can play that game.

But you fall short once more when you feel him squeeze your waist once more, this time with his finger sleeping under your shirt, his pinky in contact with your skin. You can feel your heart racing and your palms getting sweaty. You try to tame yourself, to appear calm and composed, but deep down you know you can't help it.

You let your hand drop casually on his thigh, turning yourself to lean more into his body, trying to gauge his reaction. But he remains unfazed, expression unchanged as he merely adjusts himself slightly to accommodate for your new position. You decide to take it a step further, subtly squeezing your body against his, making sure to somehow slot your boobs against him, wanting him to feel more of you.

This guy's got a thick skin, you think, his demeanour as unyielding as ever. He doesn't show that your touch gets to him as he looks at you shifting closer to him. But if you look closely, there's a little twinkle in his eyes, a quick hint that suggests you're getting to him. 

"Can I hug you?" he asks, his voice a mix of curiosity and anticipation. He chuckles, clearly amused by your eagerness as you nod your head, and wraps both of his arms around your waist. You take this opportunity to finally feel more of him, and give him something to be distracted with. You straddle his thigh, accepting his embrace as you slot your head at his collarbone.

His hands stiffen at your back, no doubt from feeling the heat of your body against his so suddenly, but he doesn’t let anything else on, as he starts to stroke your lower back, now cooing at you. “What’s got your pretty head all occupied, hmm?”

You hate how easily he’s able to pin this on you, his hands against you and his words whispered in your ear making you feel hot all over. Another soft squeeze of his fingers at your side reminds you of his question, and you feel shame climb up your spine before you’ve even uttered your answer.

“You,” pulling back from him, you look directly at him when you say this, voice almost breathless. You feel his thigh against your core covered by your shorts, and you hope the light press of your heat against him goes unnoticed. “My heads full of you, has been. Thought about you, about this,” The drive of your hips against his leg is now done with purpose, as you feel him stiffen at your boldness, almost making you whimper when you rut down. “Can’t stop thinking about you,”

He lets out a soft sigh when you ground your hips against him again, brows furrowed as he looks at your desperate state. You see a blush spread across his cheeks and creep up his neck, while he tilts his head back slightly, breathing in deeply as if to find composure within himself. He’s both flustered at your sudden ramblings about him, all while feeling a swell in his chest that he’s the cause of your current desperate state. His hands now find claim at your waist, neither pushing you down on him stronger nor pulling you away, simply gripping you as if in need of something to ground him. His eyes are wispy when they look up at you, mouth parted open as he takes a shuddering breath in. “What did you think about?”

What didn’t you think about? His touch on you drives you further, urging you to feel more. You shift your knees to meet at his hips, as you settle yourself down at his groin. “Thought about kissing you,” Your hands splay themselves at his chest, your pupils no doubt dilated the way your gaze settles on his plump lips. He bites on them, no doubt teasing you for something so close yet so far from where you want it; on your lips, both the top and bottom ones. 

When you lean in to embrace his lips with yours, his head swivels around as his lips land on your cheek, gaze casts down as his fingers hover over your stomach, before descending down to your clothed core, your loose shorts giving him easy access. His breath fans hot against your face when he swipes his fingers ever so lightly against you, nail catching on your clit through the fabric of your panties. A soft, pathetic sound leaves your lips, as you feel your hole clench on nothing with the brief contact that he’s had with you.

You go to grind yourself down against his fingers, wanting to feel more of him everywhere, but his hands travel to your hips, grip strong as he stops you from pressing against him. He tuts at you, hooded eyes travelling up your body, catching on your chest, where you pant lightly, breasts going up and down. When he finally lets his eyes go past your boobs, his grip turns harsh as he presses you back when you try to ground yourself against him once more.

“My pretty girl,” His tone is sweet, but you can’t help but feel like he’s mocking you. “I asked you a question,” When he sees your faraway gaze, he chuckles against you before leaning in, letting his lips graze against your collarbone now exposed by him pulling your collar aside for access, nipping at your skin before soothing it with a swipe of his tongue. You scramble through your brain as you try to remember the question he asked, too occupied with his fingernails digging into you. 

As if he can sense what's running through your mind, he refreshes your memory.

“What,” another playful bite lands, harder this time at the junction between your neck and shoulder. “Did you think about, baby?” 

Gathering your thoughts, you now realise that he won’t be giving you what you need unless you tell him. You feel your stomach burn low as you recall the moments you’ve let your mind wander.

“Thought about your fingers,” You start, looking earnestly at him as if to convince him of your burning need. “Your fingers in me, fucking into me.” You pant when his hand drops the grip it had on your waist, his digits swiping at your core through your panties. When he presses the pads of his fingers against you, he curses lightly under his breath at how wet you already are. Using his other hand to tuck the seat of your underwear aside, his fingers meet your bare pussy, swiping up and down against your folds, spreading your slick around. 

“Fuck,” You sigh when he slowly presses his middle finger in, going till his knuckle meets your skin before pulling back out, his eyes seeking your face, wanting to see the pleasure in your expression. You squeak in surprise when he pushes another finger straight after, before building a slow rhythm against you. “Keep going pretty,” He sighs, his gaze captivated by your face. His hand that’s tucked against your underwear goes to your folds, thumb pushing against your clit in encouragement.

“Also,” You gulp down a breath of air. “Also thought of going down on my knees for you,”

“Fuck,” Haechan’s head falls back as you say this, his fingers quickening in speed. “Yeah? What else?” You whimper at his new pace and at his onslaught of touches against your sensitive clit, body clenching up when he taps at your bud quickly.

“Ab-about…about you fucking me,” You squeeze your body closer to him. “Fucking me until I can’t think,” You don’t realise that you’re moving now, grinding up and down against his fingers that are fucking into you.

Haechan groans at your words and actions, eyes squeezing shut as you start to chase your own pleasure. “That’s it baby, fuck. Wanted me to fuck my pretty girl dumb?” He hums against your cheek, placing a sweet peck against your skin, a stark contrast between his words and his grip on you.

You try to gather your wits, but Haechan lets his other hand wander up your body, shoving your shirt and bra away in favour of freeing your boobs. You moan when he pinches your nipple, your body shuddering at the different stimulations.

“Didn’t know my baby was so dirty,” He chuckles at your reaction, scratching his nail against your nipple before rolling it between his fingers. “When did you get like this?”

“In the car,” Your confession slows his movements, but you’re too busy chasing your high to realise. “On the drive when you were next to me. Your scent was jus’.. Everywhere.” Your hands clasp on his shoulder for support, thighs aching as you grind your core against his hand. “Wanted you to take me right there,” 

You just miss the sharp intake of breath he takes, eyes going unfocused at your desperate form trying to find some sort of release, getting off only with his two fingers in you.

“Fuck,” He moans breathily, eyebrows furrowing. “Shit— so fucking dirty, thinking of wanting to take me where anyone can hear, can look.” He keeps his fingers still for longer, wanting to see how far you’d go to chase your own high, slick sounds tightening the knot in his stomach.

His eyes look mesmerised as he watches your every move, even when you move yourself up and off of his fingers. You start shaking your head, clawing at his clothes. “Can’t,” You groan, “Can’t finish like this.. Need you, so bad.”

Haechan moans at your desperate hands before copying your movements, shoving your shorts and underwear away before letting you do the same. His cock bobs against his stomach once you pull it out of its confines, and you feel drool gather at your mouth at the sight, tip adorned in a pretty shade of red and glistening with precum, leaving a spot of wetness against his skin, exposed by you pushing his shirt up, wanting to see more of him.

Once all your clothes are off and discarded, you don’t hesitate to reach forward and kiss him, lips parting against each other as you press your bodies together. Your hand travels to his chest, nail catching on his nipple as you let your fingers descend down, the scratch on his sensitive skin making his body jolt, hips bucking forward as a whine falls from his lips.

Your hand clasps his dick in your hold, separating from the kiss to look down as you pump him a few times. He moans against your cheek as his eyes fall shut, not being able to look at you pumping him for long, scared he’ll finish right then and there.

“Pretty doll,” He pants. “Love —fuck, love having you against me,” At the pet name, you can’t help but keen, wanting to hear more of his praises. Planting one more kiss against his plush lips, you let your mouth travel down against his figure, only stopping when you’re right at his groin. You arch your back for better leverage, before guiding the tip to your awaiting mouth. You press your tongue against him, kitten licking around the head as you gather his precum, before pressing an open mouth kiss.

“Fuck,” He hisses when you let his tip go past your lips. “So good, such a good girl for me,” You keen at his words, humming around his cock before going further down, wanting to take more of him. When your tongue swipes at the underside of his head, you feel his thighs tense around you, hip stuttering a bit from wanting to fuck against the tight heat of your mouth. Haechan tilts his head down as he squeezes open his eyes, wanting to see you take him in.

You don’t get to test your limit on his dick before you feel a hand settle at your cheek, pulling you up and off of him. He leans down, meeting you halfway to kiss you, tasting a bit of himself when your tongues swipe against each other.

“Couldn’t,” he pants when you pull away from each other, hands gripping your waist as he manoeuvres you to lay flat against the bed. “Wanted to fuck you, couldn’t handle not being in you any longer.”

You smile at his desperation, letting yourself be handled into the position he wants you in. His cock shines with a mix of your spit and his precum, tip sensitive and red as he grips at his base, giving it a few pumps before tapping it against you. You whimper when his head meets your clit, finally feeling the pressure again where you want it the most. Haechan can feel his composure slowly slipping away, the control he’s had before withering as he sees you laid before him, chest heaving up and down and you wait for his next move. So pliant and so ready, all for him.

He says just as much, as he leans over you, placing a hand near your head while the other repeatedly taps his dick against your folds. “Look so perfect, so needy. All for me, right?”

“Yours,” You drape your hands over his shoulders, wanting to feel him all over you. “All yours,”

“Yeah?” His voice is soft as he says this, eyes lilting up from your pussy hugging his cock, as he slides over your folds, gathering your wetness onto himself. “All mine.” 

His eyes are now caught between your bodies, mesmerised by the way his dick looks between your folds. Straightening his back, you see him get hypnotised by the slide of your bodies together, keening into you further when you moan and writhe against him as his swollen tip brushes over your clit.

“Good for me,” he lets his hand slide down your body, gripping up and down your thigh before he grips himself at the base. Without another word, he slowly pushes himself into you, drowning in your moans as he bottoms out. You feel your walls clench tightly, sucking him in as you arch your body into him.

You curse when his pelvis stills at your hips, but he doesn’t move, staying fixed against you before dipping his head down, and landing a kiss on your lips. This time, his lips move with less fervour and more passion against you, suddenly slowing down the rush you feel buzzing in the air between you.

“Haechan, please,” You pant when he separates from you, hugging your legs around his waist and pushing your bodies together in lieu of wanting more. “Please move, want more,”

You don’t miss the shiver the throb of his cock inside you when you clench again, wanting to encourage him to do something. He presses a sweet kiss against your lips once more, and another against your cheek before pulling back; enough to be able to travel his gaze all over your face, taking in your dilated pupils and glistening lips. 

His eyes locked onto yours with a sincerity that sent shivers down your spine. "I like you," Haechan confesses, breath warm against your skin. "I want us to be more than just this; than just this moment." 

You’re taken aback by the sudden confession, yet you feel your body warm for reasons other than the heat that’s between your legs. 

"I don't want this to end either." Your voice is barely above a whisper, but Haechan’s relieved smile lets you know that he’s heard you nevertheless. Diving down, he kisses you hard, teeth lightly clacking against one another as the both of you smile into each others’ mouths. He moves back a bit, before thrusting in and filling you once more, letting you feel him fully to the hilt over and over again. He moans low against your lips, and you feel your thighs shake around his waist, feeling overwhelmed by his touch and sounds.

“Can I,” He pants as he picks up the speed, his hand going to your leg before pulling it up to press flush against your chest. “Can I be yours?”

“Yes,” You whine. “Be mine, all mine.” You clench around his cock again, making him groan out against you. “Fuck, Haechan. I’m all yours. Please,” You aren’t sure what you’re begging for at this point, but it seems like Haechan is just a step ahead, knowing what you want before you can want it.

Pressing your legs against your chest, he goes to drive himself right flush against you, pressing you into a mating press. “S-shit—”

“Oh my god,” You sob as you feel him deep inside. “S’ deep,”

“You’re so pretty,” His eyes cast down between your linked bodies as he says this. “So pretty and hot, taking me so well.” He moves to clasp your leg over his shoulder, stretching you open for him, the pain in your body is nothing in comparison to the pleasure he delivers with each plough of his dick into you. “Can’t believe you wanted me to do this to you in front of everyone,”

“God—” Haechan’s words combined with the join of his finger against your clit send you into a fury, body clenching as your back arches off the bed. “Gonna—”

”Fuck you with my fingers where everyone can see,” His fingers tap incessantly against your bundle of nerves, hissing as you grip his bicep. “Would you let everyone hear you come? Show everyone who can make you feel this good,” He’s now mumbling to himself, hips snapping with a whimper falling from his lips when he feels your walls tighten against him. “Look at you, all fucked out and pretty. Who else makes you feel this good?”

“You,” you gasp, now panting, body wanting to writhe away from the overwhelming amount of feelings you’re filled with. “Only you can make me feel this good Haechan, fuck—”

“Are you close?” He hums, and a groan slips out from his lips at the nod of your head, watching the way you bounce on his cock, tits bouncing up and down from each drive of his hips. “You’ve been so good, let go, baby,” He leans in to plant a kiss on your lips and cheek, and with a few more targeted taps against your clit and a steady thrust of his hips, you feel hot white course through your body as you reach your peak. He peppers kisses down your face and into your neck, hips slowing down as he burrows his head in your neck, allowing you time to come down from your high.

As he goes to pull out and move away, you channel all your force to keep your legs locked behind his back, keeping him in place inside of you. “Inside,” Your voice is hoarse from feeling fucked out. “Come inside me, please Hyuckie,” 

It seemed that your words were all he needed to push him over the edge, as his hips stutter once, twice, before you feel the twitch of his cock inside of you and spurts of cum fill your cunt. His whimper muffles against your neck, bodies running hot as sweat gathers on your skin. 

“You good?” His voice is soft when he says this, hand coming to caress your hair and cheek, a stark contrast against teh harsh plough of his hips earlier. You smile dazedly as you lean against his palm, nodding and kissing his hand, which he pulls back gently and places a kiss at the exact spot your lips landed, before coming to kiss you directly. 

“Bear with me,” He mumbles when he pushes himself up straight, and you wince when he slowly pulls himself out of you. You can feel the slow gush of his cum seeping outside of your hole, and Haechan’s eyes looked mesmerised once more as he looks at your cunt. Almost as if by reflex, his fingers reach out to your sensitive core, gathering the messy mix of your fluids before plunging his fingers back into you, plugging your pussy back full with his cum.

You whine loudly at the overstimulation, spent body twitching as you let Haechan do what he wants. “S-sorry,” He still seems dazed as he says this, eyes unable to stray away from your pulsing pussy. “Couldn’t help it…” He pulls out his fingers, spreading them and looking at the wet mixture of your sticky release.

“Haechan…” His eyes widen when you mumble his name, but soften when you reach out your hands weakly, gesturing him in for an embrace. “C’mere,”

Like a teddy bear, he cuddles into you without hesitation, body curving into you as he gently moves both of you around to lay comfortably. He kisses the crown of your head, cheek smushing against your forehead as he tries to get as close to you as possible. “Was that good?”

You hum. “Everything I wanted and more, you were so good to me.” Although you know he tried to hide it, you still feel the giddiness course through him, his skin now growing warm against you at your praise.

You can slowly feel the exhaustion catch up, the task of keeping your eyelids peeled open getting more difficult as time passes by. 

“Thank you, Channie,” You mumble tiredly, feeling his skin rumble beneath you as he hums. 

“Anything for my baby,” And before you know it, you slowly fall asleep.

It didn’t take long for people to realise the two of you are together, and it wasn’t even Naeun’s fault this time.

The one who makes it known to the whole campus that you’re together is Haechan, and you would be flattered that he can’t help but mention you every second sentence, always finding a way to say the phrase ‘my girlfriend’ in any given context, but you also can’t help but be embarrassed about the fact that he’s parading you around like this.

So, everyone knows you’re together. But they also know the water bucket prank, and how you both now know who it actually was. 

Being the partner of the campus prankster and class clown means that everyone knows about the incident of you getting soaked right before your mandatory class. But when you had thought that it was Haechan to blame, the car ride back from the village had raised your suspicions of Minseok, when he had tried to convince you that it was, in fact, Haechan who pulled it; his source being.. gut feeling?

Jihoon had also confessed a week after the camping trip about how Minseok had drunkenly confessed to wanting to prank the prankster, setting up the water bucket thinking Haechan was to attend that class. Unfortunately, his plan fell through when you walked in instead. 

You would’ve accepted Minseok’s apology for dunking the water on you, even if he didn’t intend to do that to you; but that’s the problem. He didn’t apologise and even tried to deny the fact that he had planned on doing that when you had brought it up to him. He had avoided both you and Haechan, which was such a petty thing to do. With the grudge you’ve been holding against Haechan when you thought he was the original pranker, you’re unable to tone it down with Minseok this time around. You don’t want to start with the fact that it was a simple, water bucket again. 

So it goes without further saying that the party that’s being hosted by Sunwoo again is not one without purpose. Haechan had always had something up his sleeve when something like this happened (which, taking into account his reputation, this wouldn’t be his first rodeo). But unfortunately (but fortunate for one), you’re nowhere to be seen yet.

Minseok is bouncing his leg as he sits on the couch, hand gripping his cup which was been empty for more than twenty minutes, too nervous to move off of the couch and get himself more in case anything happens to him. When people come up to him, offering him a dance or a shot, he shakes his head no vehemently, not wanting to take the chance.

When Naeun drops down next to him on the couch, drink swiping around in his cup, his eyes widen in fright as his heart starts beating erratically. The girl giggles at his cautiousness, going to smack at his shoulder, which he effectively avoids just in case that was part of an act.

“It’s so funny—” Naeun’s giggle gets cut off by a hiccup. “Because, you’re so scared now. Did you plan on gluing yourself to the couch or is that what they pulled on you?” On her claim, Minseok’s bouncing leg immediately ceases any movement, as his body suddenly goes stiff, now looking at the girl beside him incredulously. 

Naeun shrieks in the middle of her laughter at his expression, as Minseok suddenly shoots up from his sitting position, looking at the couch he was just perched on while his hands grasp at his ass, checking for any damage. Naeun almost falls to the floor with how hard she’s laughing now, heaving at Minseok’s expense.

“Not funny,” Minseok frowns at her toppled figure, now warily scanning around the place once more, feeling vulnerable now that he’s standing.

Naeun rubs at the corner of her eyes, careful not to smudge her makeup. “They’re not here tonight if that helps.” It took the wary man a few seconds to realise who she was talking about. “Haechan had a last-minute shift to cover or something early tomorrow morning, and so they both decided to skip out on this party.” She chuckles against her cup, taking a sip as she lets her eyes scan Minseok’s quivered stance. “So you can relax. For now. I'm gonna go find the love of my life.. I mean Jeno,”  

The gleam in her eyes grows as she stands when Minseok scans around the party once more, before heading to the kitchen, deciding that he finally needs another drink.

Walking next to Haechan, you shush him when he suddenly starts talking loudly, animated expressions making you laugh while you shove at his shoulder with your own. You walk down the campus hallways, making your way towards the broadcast club room for today's meeting, with Haechan insisting on dropping you off.

When you’re shoving Haechan away from poking at you, nearing the door of the meeting room, your attention catches on to another person lingering in the stark empty hallway. When you look to you’re side, you’re met with Minseok, his expression shocked still as he, too, heads towards the room.

“Oh,” You’re a bit breathless from trying to avoid all of your boyfriend's onslaught attacks. “Hey Minseok,”

“W-what..” He starts, before clearing his throat, not wanting to come off as weak or scared. “What are you guys doing?”

Haechan’s arm is slung around your shoulder, squeezing you to his side. “Just dropping her off at the broadcast room.” Oh, of course. The same reason why he’s also situated in the hallway. 

“Go on, Seok.” You motion towards the door, encouraging him to go ahead first. “I’ll say bye to Haechan and I’ll come i—”

“No!” Minseok exclaims with his hands stretched out, shaking them vehemently before dropping them down after realising how dramatic his actions were. “Uh, it’s okay. I’ll wait, and we can all go in together." He hopes his expression comes off as kind, but from the look on both of your faces, it seems to be more similar to a grimace than anything.

“Actually,” Haechan starts, wanting to get rid of the awkwardness swirling. “I’ll come in too. Jihoon needed my help with a sound system.” Even with Minseok closer to the door, it doesn’t seem like the boy is gonna make an effort to go in; not unless you two do, and prove to him that nothing is waiting for him on the other side.

“Well, okay..” You glance at your boyfriend with a questioning look, to which Haechan merely shrugs at you, his mouth turned downward. Stalking towards the door, you open it slowly stepping in while holding it open for the two men to get in. Minseok is still vigilant, looking at all corners of the open door for anything out of place, famously a bucket of something, maybe.

But when you head in and look back at him expectantly, he stalks in eventually, embarrassed at seeming so cautious about —seemingly— nothing in particular.

A chorus of greetings is shared, with you and Haechan waving hi to everyone and heading towards your friends, sitting down and starting conversation. Minseok doesn’t let up, getting a thorough look at the room he’s frequented a lot, scanning for any misplacements or outliers. He squats down to take a look below the table and cranes his neck to take a good look at the ceiling. He’s the last to realise the room going silent, as everyone looks at him expectantly, casting glances at each other at his odd behaviour.

It’s Sohee who breaks his quest. “Are you gonna take a seat or not?” At that, Minseok startles, before realising that everyone’s attention is caught on him. His cheeks warm up as he goes to his seat, tucking himself against the table before muttering a meek apology. 

As the meeting commences, Minseok can’t help but look around the room restlessly, feeling on edge even when everyone sends him weird glances when he bounces his leg endlessly or takes a look to his left and right periodically. 

But the meeting ends, and nothing out of the ordinary happens. Everyone gets out of their seats, and you head towards Haechan and Jihoon, who are huddled in a corner next to the stereo, fiddling around with it as they finish up their work. Minseok suddenly feels ashamed for suspecting the two of you; just because he was menacing enough to pull something doesn’t mean you would do the same. Packing his things from the table, he goes to stand up and heads towards you, repeating in his head how to apologise to you two. But even with a hand braced against the table to steady him, he couldn’t get to his feet.

“What—” He tries to stand up once more, both hands now braced against the chairs’ handles, but to no avail. The chair topples ever so slightly as he exerts all his force, and it's as if he’s glued to the chair.

“You—!” When you turn to look at him, you topple over with laughter, your hand finding Haechan’s shoulder to shake, wanting to bring his attention towards Minseok who’s struggling against the chair. Haechan grins, coming to a stand next to you and looking at the boy. Everyone else giggles along at the carried-out prank, slowly filling out the room but not before taking a quick picture and video. 

“Oh no, are you okay Minseok?” Jihoon’s fake worry makes shame bubble in said person's stomach. “It seems like you’re stuck,” 

Coming up to him, you place a pair of pants on the table near him, giving him a sweet smile. “I don’t think you’ll be able to come out in one piece, so here’s some emergency supply.” You give him a pat against his shoulder, before Haechan softly grabs your hand, bringing you towards the door before giving Minseok a wave goodbye.

thank you loads for reading till the end!! I'm sorry if there are any mistakes, its late rn and I'm not bothered to really go through it thoroughly once more. also, will I ever learn how to pace my fics after the two characters get together????? guess we wont ever know

if you liked this, please don't hesitate to let me know!

[comradekatara]

nothing too insightful to say just !!! toph is the disabled character of all time and it means so much to me, personally. thinking specifically about what you mentioned on the last post about how she learns to let herself be loved; it is often such a fundamental aspect of growing up with a disability that “love” is the guise that adults stripping you of agency wear.

it’s not just being helped in a way that harms and deemed incompetent. it’s being perceived as incompetent, receiving help for your disability that strips you of autonomy, being vulnerable to the abuse and unable to speak for yourself in response to it because you are too frail, helpless, all under the premise of “love.” when disabled love becomes the equivalent of burdening another and being taken from yourself, toph is kind of incredible because it took me nearly twenty years to even begin to unlearn all of that, but she managed to open herself up to others within a few months (to varying degrees, it’s also interesting she seems to trust sokka the quickest, maybe i will send another ask after breakfast rambling about that).

but toph’s ability to adjust her concept of what love is and open herself to it, is genuinely one of the most powerful disability arcs i have ever seen. she becomes able to accept help and not have that feel like embodying weakness, which feels dangerous when disabled because your perceived social weakness is why you have been stripped of all agency and dehumanized, esp. as a disabled child. toph is incredibly strong in regards to earth bending, but truthfully it is this ability to listen, observe and adapt that is her greatest strength. her character is soooo good and her arc is so fucking beautiful

YES 💗 i don’t talk about toph’s disability enough because i don’t like getting too personal on here but you really do articulate that struggle perfectly and i agree so much with what you said.

toph’s foundational trauma is tied not to her experience being blind, but rather the abuse she received due to her blindness. the struggle of being disabled is always twofold: firstly, and i hate when people sugarcoat or ignore this, having a physical disability does make life more difficult. we see toph struggle when she’s not in a position to use her earthbending as a mobility aid; there are aspects of life that are difficult or genuinely impossible for her to participate in due to her limitations. she can and does often compensate by being a brilliant earthbender, but there are still some things she simply cannot do.

but what’s more important to toph’s experience with disability is the way she is treated by those around her, especially her parents. toph simultaneously struggles with being coddled and smothered due to her unique needs, denied agency due to the assumption that she is somehow less able to dictate her own choices, and treated like a shameful burden due to her disability. so by the time toph joins the gaang, she is very afraid of being seen as a burden, but she also doesn’t want anyone helping her with anything or telling her what to do, because she associates that with her parents’ abuse.

she bristles when katara tries to get her to help out, because she wants to be the kind of person who respects everyone else’s space and lets everyone be capable of “carrying their own weight,” just as she wants to be allowed to be left to her own devices. she doesn’t yet understand that a community or support network is not the same thing as a denial of agency, and so she assumes that katara is overbearing and motherly instead of a kid who comes from a place where everyone does an equal share of labor and expects everyone else to do the same.

that’s why i think a lot of people who have never experienced any kind of major disability firsthand don’t really understand toph, and just assume she’s spoiled and brash due to being rich and entitled. but that’s not the case at all. she’s spent her whole life being treated like a fragile doll instead of a person, and it’s dehumanizing and isolating. she doesn’t understand the value of a community because she’s sick of people trying to help her, and due to her own experiences being “helped,” assumes that help is necessarily negative and a denial of one’s agency.

the last thing she wants in that situation is to be overbearing, to be the one telling other people what to do and how to live their lives (yet another reason why she would never become a cop). of course, she signed on to be aang’s teacher, so pretty quickly she does have to get over herself and actually instruct, and she’s not a gentle pedagogue either. but she also knows that she is supremely qualified to teach earthbending, and so it’s easier for her to tell others what to do when she knows that her wisdom counts for something and she isn’t just imposing her will onto someone else for the hell of it, or because she doesn’t respect them.

she also definitely takes iroh’s advice to heart, because unlike a certain incorrigible nephew, she’s really wise and emotionally mature, able to respond to measured advice and actually internalize what iroh is saying. so it doesn’t take long for her to develop a bond with sokka where she doesn’t feel afraid to rely on him. and it’s funny, because she accuses katara of being overbearing and motherly, but she does actually listen to sokka and follow his every command, despite her supposed disdain for authority. and i think it’s the fact that even though sokka does sometimes forget that she’s blind, he’s never purposely insensitive, and he never bosses her around for the hell of it.

unlike katara, who is genuinely unkind to toph in “the chase,” sokka never disrespects toph, and he certainly never disrespects her disability. he’ll banter with her about it, like when he says “well you’ve never not seen anything like this” in “sokka’s master,” but the joke isn’t at her expense, unlike “the stars sure are beautiful tonight,” which is straight up cruel and lowkey unforgivable (sidenote: as someone who has been bullied for being disabled, i do think that this is hands down the worst thing katara ever says in the show, and i understand why toph would continue to hold a grudge against her for that for a long time). whereas sokka always treats toph like a person, and toph recognizes that, so she thus not only accepts his help, but actively asks for it and enjoys receiving it.

toph does grow and accept her own vulnerability remarkably fast, but to the gaang’s credit, they are great friends, and they all treat her like a person instead of a burden or a doll (including katara). having people who love you and understand you, both in terms of your strengths and your limitations, is really necessary, for anyone, but especially for disabled people. i’m really lucky to have people in my life who love me like that, and toph’s arc is so beautiful specifically because she is given that love and care and never takes it for granted. i definitely think that toph is one of the greatest disabled characters of all time, and it’s because her disability isn’t simply incidental to her character, but rather the central pillar of her arc that informs all her motivations at all times. she learns to ask for help, and accept help when it’s offered. she finds a community.

[momentomori24]

I haven't seen anyone talk about it in detail if at all, so I'll just throw this out there: Is it just me, or are Ashley's feelings for Andrew very not romantic?

Just to be very clear-- this isn't me trying to sanitize the incest present in their relationship or twist it into pure unproblematic platonicness despite everything in the game being a hellish, dystopiant, grotesque, unapologetic mess (in a good way), just an observation that's been on my mind for a while.

We know Andrew is absolutely, 100% romantically attracted to his sister especially through both his inner monologues, relationship with Julia and of course, The Scene. But I never really got that same attraction from Ashley. She loves to degree where it can't be considered platonic, but there's a blunt edge to her affection I wouldn't call romantic either.

She's obviously been obsessed with him from a young age as he's the only person she had to cling to without worrying that he'd leave her. She doesn't treat him like a person, she treats him like a coveted toy that only she can play with. Between borderline neglegent parents, untreated apathy issues, a major abandonment complex and a parentified brother/psuedo-dad, unhealthy attachments and toxic tendencies can go real bad real quick. Go figure. It's possessive, referring to her brother as hers and something that's considered stolen the moment someone else has an interest in it, but it feels a lot more "innocent" than Andrew's possessiveness of her. Andrew is hers to have because he's her brother, just like how a plaything would be hers because it was bought for her-- there doesn't seem to be anything more to it than that.

I think the best example of that is their reaction to the Vision in the Burrial route:

Unlike Andrew, who is disturbingly flustered rather than reasonably revolted, she just... doesn't have a reaction to it. They've already trapped themselves in a box with each other and commited some of the worst atrocities imaginable, so she just chalks it up to another thing to add to their crimes list. Her causual playfulness and indifference to the situation is such a strong contrast to Andrew's desperate denial and really shows her feelings about the whole thing. Or lack of, as she isn't at all fazed about it. You'd think that she'd be thrilled, or excited or equally as flustered as Andrew at the thought of their relationship taking the next big step, but there isn't any of that here. Despite her jealousy, obsession, possessiveness and extreme closeness, it doesn't seem that there was ever any romantic intent involved on her end (or at least none that she knows of). Heck, she even voices her confusion when Andrew confesses he read her actions that way:

There is something funny about going through the story thinking ''ok i get it she's the obsessed yandere sister with a brother complex i see you game'' only to be hit with the revelation that it's the complete opposite way around. Basically just Ashley hitting both Andrew AND the players with the "wait you really saw me like that what did i even do to make you think that??" at the very end and it is baffling. The fact that she seems genuinely oblivious to how she comes off is both a little cute and unexpectedly innocent, but also cements just how little she grew up from when she was a kid.

But I think this line from her really encapsulates their relationship perfectly:

One way to keep him around. She won't sleep with him because of some repressed sexual tension or genuine (messed up) affection, but because she views it as transactional. She loves Andy, that version of her brother who went along with whatever she wanted and cared about her despite all her issues when no one else did. She always acts uncaring towards other people, but it's so obvious that she's lonely. That the people she cares about not caring about her has an effect on her. We see it with their mom, the way she continued to call her despite the abuse and neglect she put her through and immediately assumes she wouldn't have wanted them to find her because she feels that unwanted. We see it with her ''friends'', the way she felt so betrayed by how they basically left her for dead in that apartment without bothering to try throwing some food up their balcony. She didn't even care if they would've succeeded or not-- she just wanted someone to try. She clings so viciously to her brother because he's all she has left. She's been labelled unlovable by everyone else in her life, and the moment he leaves her for someone more stable, she's alone for good. Andy needed her the same way she needed him, but now he's gone, and Andrew is more unpredictable than ever. His nightmares have gotten better, so he doesn't need her to sleep easier at night (not that he did in the first place). He's better at having a social life too, so surrounding himself with others and getting his life together shouldn't be too hard. He doesn't need her the way she needs him anymore, but she knows that Andrew wants her, so she'll give herself to him before anyone else can if it means that he'll stay. Which, by the way, is such a good parallel to her mom's own mindset when it comes to relationships (like mother like daughter ammirite). It's so far from love; it's just blatant codependancy she doesn't acknowledge on her end, something we see Andrew both enable and take advantage of whether he realises or not. And I think that's a more nuanced, fascinating trait of her character rather than just the ''yandere sister in love with her brother'' trope.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed reading this messy, hopefully coherent analysis of our gravecest couple, mostly focused on Ashley. And who knows, maybe she IS in love with Andrew and I completely misinterpreted her feelings for him, but until proven otherwise I'll keep clinging to this theory. This GAME THE-- [GUNSHOTS].

[haggishlyhagging]

Women . . . have not needed such stringent social chains. Their bodies can be left free because their minds are chained long before they become functioning adults. Most women have so thoroughly internalized the social definitions which tell them that their only significant role is to serve men as wives and raise the next generation of men and their servants that no laws are necessary to enforce this.

The result is that women, even more than other minority groups, have their identities derived first as members of a group and only second, if at all, as unique persons. "Consider the following—When a boy is born, it is difficult to predict what he will be doing twenty-five years later. We cannot say whether he will be an artist or a doctor or a college professor because he will be permitted to develop and fulfill his own identity. But if the newborn child is a girl, we can predict with almost complete certainty how she will be spending her time twenty-five years later. Her individuality does not have to be considered; it is irrelevant."

Yet until very recently, most women have refused to recognize their own oppression. They have openly accepted the social definition of who and what they are. They have refused to be conscious of the fact that they are seen and treated, before anything else, as women. Many still do. This very refusal is significant because no group is so oppressed as one which will not recognize its own oppression. Women's denial that they must deal with their oppression is a reflection of just how far they still have to go.

There are many reasons why covert mechanisms of social control have been so much more successful with women than with most other minority groups. More than most they have been denied any history. Their tradition of subjection is long and even this history is purged from the books so that women cannot compare the similarities of their current condition with that of the past. In a not-so-subtle way both men and women are told that only men make history and women are not important enough to study.

Further, the agents of social control are much nearer to hand than those of any other group. No other minority lives in the same household with its master, separated totally from its peers and urged to compete with them for the privilege of serving the majority group. No other minority so thoroughly accepts the standards of the dominant group as its own and interprets any deviance from those values as a sign of degeneracy. No other minority so readily argues for the maintenance of its own position as one that is merely "different" without questioning whether one must be the "same" to be equal.

-Jo Freeman, ‘The Building of the Gilded Cage’ in Radical Feminism, Koedt et al (eds.)

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

Destiny & Deliverance: Chapter 23

Destiny & Deliverance Masterlist ||| Dieter Bravo X OFC New as of 10/06/2023

SUPPORT YOUR CREATORS. REBLOGGING & COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED.

Series Rating: Explicit (18+)

Series Summary: Natalia Cohen is experiencing major life changes, beginning with leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She is learning how to navigate life on her own while dealing with high functioning anxiety, depression, and mild PTSD. Everything is looking up for her. She is a highly respected consultant for a major LA firm, has her best friend, Lauren, by her side, and is on her path to healing. Everything changes when she meets a handsome and broken stranger on a work trip. He turns out to be a well-known actor, with a heart-breaking past. They quickly develop a connection that will forever alter their lives. 

Warnings: Themes dealing with mental health, emotional trauma, alcohol use, and discussions about suicide. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn type of story. Read at your own risk.

Chapter Quote: You meeting someone?

It had been three months since I left Dieter behind. All things considered, I felt like I had handled it well. Most days I managed to get through my routine without thinking of him, throwing myself into work and small craft projects. The paparazzi appeared to have gotten bored with following me around since there was no story to report on. I wouldn’t interact with them and there had been no sightings of Dieter and I together. The assumption was that we had split, and any drama related to said split had passed. Not having the paps shouting questions and sticking a camera in my face on my daily commute to the office made a huge difference in keeping him off my mind.

Staying away from social media and tabloid sites had also been crucial in being able to get back to some kind of normalcy. It had become vital to keep this distance, because Dieter was all over the news feeds due to his reinvigorated party boy ways. He didn’t seem like the same person anymore and it was too painful to see it over and over. As far as I knew he hadn’t been home during any of his filming breaks, and with the production of his movie wrapping up soon, I was anxious to know if he would finally come back to LA. Part of that anxiety was rooted in my concern about running into him. No matter how many times I had tried to imagine it, I wasn’t sure how I would handle suddenly being face-to-face with him again.   

I would be lying if I said that I was over him. There was no doubt in my mind that I will always love him. How could I not? He had changed me for the better and helped me through a rough time in my life. During the time that we had been together, and he had been doing well, life had been so much more fulfilling. He showed me what it was like to be loved and appreciated. What it meant to be truly happy. Perhaps even more than that, he had given me the confidence to be myself. I could honestly say that I didn’t know any of that until him. I was able to acknowledge that he did all that for me, but at the same time I had also become mostly numb about it all. Maybe it was the anger, maybe it was denial, or maybe I had figured out how to move on without him. Either way, I felt like I was going to be ok, and I had accepted that he wasn’t going to be a part of my life anymore. 

It was late on a Wednesday evening when I got news that he was back. Lauren texted me to let me know he had been spotted at one of the fancy restaurants that all the celebrities tended to hang out at. Unsurprisingly, he had been there with Anna and a handful of other people. I had asked Lauren not to tell me anything she read about him, but I still found myself grateful to get the warning. At least now I was aware that there was a possibility of running into him, so it wouldn’t catch me completely off guard. What I didn’t realize is how soon that would happen.        

The following morning, I was surprised to receive a call from Ethan Carrington. He called to let me know that he was in town and wanted to have dinner to catch up. I thought it was a little odd, but he was one of our top tier clients, so I agreed to meet him that evening. I wasn’t surprised when he proposed meeting at one of the most upscale restaurants in town. We made plans to meet there by 7 PM and he let me know a table had already been reserved under his name.   

To say I was flustered by the time I left the house was an understatement. All my afternoon meetings had run over, causing me to finish up work much later than I had planned. I had to rush to find something to wear, then shower, and get ready. To save some time, rather than trying to tame my hair, I blow dried it and pulled it back into a sleek low bun, then threw on a light layer of makeup. I got dressed in a navy sleeveless scoop neck A-line chiffon dress that had an asymmetrical bottom and was embellished with a sash around the waist. I dug out my matching navy peep toe high heels with ankle straps to wear, then quickly grabbed my purse and walked barefooted to the car. 

With traffic slowing me down as usual, I made it to the restaurant with only minutes to spare. Luckily it had valet parking, so I didn’t have to worry about finding a spot. I did feel slightly embarrassed about making the valet wait while I put my shoes on. He assured me that this wasn’t even close to the strangest thing he dealt with, and we had a good laugh about it as he waited patiently for me to exit the vehicle.   

As I was walking up the few steps to the entrance, carefully watching my feet to avoid tripping in my hurried pace, I was stopped in my tracks by a set of feet that had come to a standstill directly in front of me. When I looked up, my breath caught in my throat. Dieter and Anna stood in front of me, staring back at me and saying nothing. Dieter looked tired, the telltale sign of dark circles under his eyes revealing his sleep problems were probably still very present. His hair was longer than it had been the last time I saw him, and it was styled into soft, messy curls.  He was dressed in charcoal dress pants with a black button up dress shirt. As usual, the top button was open, and the sleeves were rolled up. He also had his glasses on. A little voice in the back of my mind begrudgingly pointed out that he looked just as sexy as always. Still, something was off about him; it was clear in his fidgety body language, and particularly the turbulent look in his eyes.

My eyes widened as I took him in, my body almost reeling just as strongly as my mind did. “Dieter…umm hi,” I stuttered out. I was startled by his sudden appearance and did not know what to say or how to act. His stare shifted into an unsettling smirk, his dilated pupils making his eyes look darker than usual, and by the way he tipped his head back slightly I could tell that he shifted into performance mode, emitting a boisterous energy that became even clearer when he spoke. 

“I’m surprised to see you at a place like this. You meeting someone?”

His tone sounded heavy, maybe even a little hostile. Ah, so that’s how this was going to go. 

“Yes, I am.” I inhaled deeply and straightened my shoulders, unwilling to play whatever game he was trying to set up here. 

“A guy?” He stared directly into my eyes as he spoke, unblinking, and it struck me how empty the expression on his face was. It was almost like he wasn’t in there and someone else was pulling his strings.

“Not that it’s really any of your business, but yes. It’s a guy.” I didn’t break eye contact, hoping that I was able to keep a neutral expression on my face. All of it felt like a test, but I wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to show him that I could easily pass it. Maybe the best response was no response at all. 

He pursed his lips and arched his eyebrows before he shook his head, his eyes shifting downcast momentarily before he looked back up at me. Straightening up as he gathered his composure.

“Well, I hope you get to know this one a little better before jumping into bed with him. Assuming he goes for this whole… polished stepford wife look or whatever this is,” he said, his voice having just the slightest slur to it.

I could feel my jaw tighten, my eyes blazing with anger that his words suddenly re-kindled in me. I gave him a tight smile in return. 

“Hmm,” I said, shaking my head slightly from side to side as I rubbed the fingers of my right hand across my bottom lip in disgust. He continued to stare at me expectantly, clearly wanting a response, and I had to look away for a moment before I met his intense gaze again. “I see what you’re doing, you know. Don’t worry, it’s still working.” I paused briefly, “So, fuck you.” 

“Ooh, you already did that, sweetheart. A whole fuckin’ lot.” He gave me a cunning smile, teeth bared for a moment as there was nothing friendly or sweet about it. 

I could feel my face tensing further at his combative remarks. I knitted my brows together and shook my head from side to side again. He was clearly trying to piss me off, and it was working. He knew exactly what to say to push my buttons. I wasn’t even going to attempt to understand why he was being like this, it simply hurt too much. I didn’t want to engage in an argument. I just wanted to protect myself from more pain.  

Anna chuckled as she leaned in to break the intense stare that I was giving Dieter, “Damn, you’re a feisty one, aren’t you.” 

I gave her a tight smile wrapped up in thinly veiled contempt. “I suggest that you don’t fucking speak to me,” I said very quietly, for a moment actually entertaining the thought of punching her in her smug little face.

She backed away slightly and grabbed onto Dieter’s arm, moving so that he was positioned between us. Clearly, my intimidation attempt struck its mark with her. 

My attention was drawn away from them when I heard someone call my name. When I turned, I saw Carrington walking towards me from the entrance of the restaurant. Trying to shift gears, I tried to relax my face and gave him a polite smile as he approached. He looked like he had just stepped off the set of a James Bond film in the expensive tailored suit he was wearing, oozing confidence, and looking just as handsome as I remembered. 

“There you are, I was beginning to think you stood me up,” he said with a joking tone as he leaned in to give me a small kiss on the cheek. “You look nice,” he added as he pulled away with a wide smile on his face, his eyes warm as he gave me a quick once-over. 

“Ethan, thank you! Sorry, I was just catching up with some friends,” I said dryly, glancing back toward Dieter, who was now radiating disdain. His jaw twitched as glared at Carrington, his eyes narrowing and somehow turning even darker as he glanced at Carrington’s hand that now rested on the small of my back. Correcting himself, his eyes quickly moved back up to meet my gaze.

I didn’t flinch as we locked eyes and spoke up, “I guess I’ll see you around. Have a good evening.” 

I gave them both a sarcastic smile. Carrington’s hand stayed on my lower back as he guided me toward the entrance. I may not have wanted to engage in the game that Dieter seemed to play, but part of me enjoyed that it clearly bothered him to see me with another man. A handsome one at that. Even if it was a work meeting, which he didn’t know. 

As we were being led to our table, I had to take a few deep breaths to calm myself. I wasn’t even upset about seeing Dieter, only livid about his attitude and the way he had spoken to me. The waiter seated Carrington and I next to a window toward the front of the restaurant, handing us the menus which we looked at in a comfortable silence. From the corner of my eye, I could see Dieter and Anna were still outside, waiting for their car. She was on her phone, but he had spotted me through the window and just stood there, staring with his hands pushed into his pockets. I tried not to look directly toward him, but that didn’t stop me from peeking over my menu every so often to see if he was still there. Despite all the bravado that had been there earlier, and the confidence with which he had carried himself, he looked like a broken man now. It tugged at my heartstrings as I wished I knew what was going through his mind. I could tell the cocky front he was putting up had diminished to something that resembled hurt or maybe even regret. All the showmanship had left his stance as he seemed to be unaware of what happened around him, Anna even needing to pull him aside when someone tried to walk past them. Luckily, the valet pulled up with their car right after that, so I didn’t have to endure that sight for very long. 

Carrington’s voice tugged me back into the present and out of my thoughts when he spoke up, “I would ask how you’ve been, but I think I may have a general idea of the answer.” 

He gave me a sympathetic look before continuing, “That was him, wasn’t it?” 

I smiled nervously as I glanced down at the table, wondering how much he knew. Probably everything there was to know publicly, be it true or false, “Yes, that was him.” I nodded as I looked back up at him, finding his eyes were as gentle as his voice had been when asking me the question. “I’m sorry my drama made me late and that everyone across the US knows about it, apparently.”   

“Yeah, it was all over the news.” He seemed apologetic about it. “Hard to miss. I wasn’t sure if you needed rescuing or not, so I’m sorry if I interrupted something…”

“Not that I need rescuing…but thank you for that.”  

He laughed, “Yeah, I doubt you do. You're pretty fierce on your own.”  

His eyes stayed focused on my face, briefly dropping down to my lips when I smiled at his comment. I wasn’t sure how to take that, but I felt like he was possibly flirting. We were interrupted by the server coming over to take our order. 

We proceeded with small talk while we waited for our food. He gave me an update on how the company was doing and mentioned the possibility of expanding soon, staying vague on the details. As we chatted, I noticed how attentive he was. Always looking me directly in the eye as I spoke, gesturing subtly to the waiter when he noticed I was low on water. We hadn’t really had a chance to interact outside of a business setting, so it was interesting to see him in a more personal manner and have an easy conversation. I was getting small glimpses of his personality that I hadn’t picked up on before. He was very witty and had a good sense of humor.

Once we started to dig into the main course, he got down to business. 

“Well, I think we’ve run the gambit on small talk. I guess I should get to the reason I wanted to meet with you and stop beating around the bush.” He gave me a nervous smile. I gave him one in return, unsure of where this was going. 

“I talked to Aubrey about this, and she indicated that you may be open to a change, given recent events and she’s supportive of it.” He gave me a small grimace, realizing that may not have been the best opener. 

I smiled and motioned for him to continue. 

“Our Chief Operating Officer will be retiring soon, and we’ll need a replacement. You’re the first person that came to mind for the position. I know, it’s a big change, so I don’t expect an answer now. I do, however, want to let you know that it’ll be a significant raise and we’ll cover the cost of any moving expenses and travel.”   

Whatever I had been expecting from the meeting, this wasn’t it. He had my attention. “How significant?”

“Seven figures, significant.” He gave me a smirk as my eyes widened. 

“COO…I mean, am I even qualified for that?” I laughed in disbelief. 

“Well, you’re already basically telling me how to run my company and saved me a lot of money in the process. I’ve seen you in action. You have a brilliant mind, and your problem-solving skills are unlike anything I’ve ever seen. You’re also really good at handling difficult situations. Why wouldn’t I want that?” 

He wasn’t wrong, he was indeed running his company based on my suggestions. I shook my head in agreement. 

“It would require moving to New York though?” I asked, trying to process the information and what this all would mean for my future. 

“Yes…and no. I would absolutely love for you to join us in New York. In fact, it’s my preference. However, like I said, we’re planning to expand. We’ll be opening another branch in Silicon Valley. I’ll need a COO there as well. Just know that if you choose that location, you’ll be building from the ground up. You’ll be fully involved with all planning. It’ll require you to spend some time in New York while we work out the details, but once everything is set, you would only need to travel occasionally. It also comes with slightly higher pay due to the extra work that’ll be involved.”  

This time I sat with my mouth hanging open in shock, “I don’t even know what to say.”

“I don’t expect an answer right away. We have some time before I need to know.” 

“I mean, it’s not a no. Umm, but I do have a lot to think through.” I reached for my water, taking a deep drink now that my mouth suddenly felt very dry. 

“Of course, I wouldn’t expect anything else,” He took a bite of his food as he studied me, obviously trying to figure out where I stood on the offer. 

He continued to tell me about the many benefits the company offered. He was trying his best to sell it to me. The offer was appealing and something I really needed to consider. We eventually moved on to other non-business related topics. It was nice getting to know him on a more personal level. Time seemed to fly by as we continued to chat, even after our meal was finished. 

We finally decided to call it a night after he insisted on covering the bill. We walked out to collect our vehicles. While we waited, he leaned in to give me a polite goodbye kiss on the cheek, lingering slightly longer than what is socially acceptable. I got a whiff of his musky scent. I couldn’t deny, he smelled amazing. I cleared my throat as he pulled away, trying to correct my train of thought. 

He smiled sheepishly, “Sorry, I lingered. I made it awkward. Forget that happened.” 

We both laughed. I caught myself biting my bottom lip, which seemed to briefly bring his attention back to my mouth again. Fuck. Was I flirting now? Thankfully, we were interrupted by the valet returning with his vehicle. Mine followed behind a few seconds later. 

“We’ll talk soon. Have a good evening,” he finally said as he took his keys and walked toward the driver's side door, giving a charming smile as he went. I agreed and gave him a wave as I collected my keys and moved toward my own car. 

My head was reeling during the entire drive home. I wasn’t sure what just happened, and I had conflicting feelings about the whole thing. Did we have vibes? Were we flirting? Also, what the hell was wrong with me for allowing that to happen? There was no way I could work for him under those circumstances. Not to mention what had happened with Dieter and Anna. I needed to talk through this with Lauren. 

When I got home, I quickly changed into my pajamas, then facetimed Lauren. She didn’t answer. I gave it a few minutes then tried again. She answered on the second round, a surprised look clearly visible on her face despite the dim lighting around her. 

“Talia? Something wrong? Why are you calling me back-to-back?”

“For starters, you signed up for excessive calls when you decided to be my friend,” I reminded her. “Also, don’t get me started on your texting habits.”

“Okay, what the hell has gotten into you?” She laughed as she shook her head, leaning behind her to switch a lamp on, which illuminated the view on my screen considerably. 

“You’re not going to believe how my night has gone. I’m turning the tables; I’m the one that needs life advice.”  

She had an odd look on her face and seemed to be distracted, her eyes trailing off as she looked at something off camera. 

“Hello? Did you hear me?” I was pacing around my bedroom by this point, bursting to spill all the details of what had happened. 

“Yeah, sorry, I heard you. What’s going on?” She seemed to have her focus back on me now. 

I went into all the details of how the evening had gone from start to finish as I continued to pace around my room. I was feeling flustered and anxious about the whole thing the more I thought about it. I wasn’t even sure how to begin to make a decision about the job offer and I was completely avoiding my thoughts on Dieter. While his behavior pissed me off to no end, I couldn’t help but feel hurt all over again. Which was a feeling I didn’t want to acknowledge out of fear that it would send me spiraling all over again.

Lauren sat staring at her phone, wide-eyed. She looked overwhelmed with the word vomit I had just thrown her way.

“Ok, I need a minute to digest all of that,” she finally said. Her attention was again drawn to something else as an exasperated look formed on her face. 

“What the hell are you doing over there? Is somebody there?”

“NO! No, it’s…” She appeared to swat at something before she continued, “it’s a cat. I have a cat. A stray. It’s not staying. It’s kind of an annoying jerk,” she said with a nervous laugh. I wasn’t sure if I bought that. I gave her a skeptical look. 

“So, Dieter really said all of that to you? Seriously?” she asked, quickly changing the subject. 

“Yes, he did. He was a total asshole. He looked like he was on something. He’s like a completely different person.” I shook my head in disbelief.

“Did you ever consider that maybe he’s trying to piss you off on purpose? To push you away?” 

She had a sympathetic look on her face now. 

“Oh, I know he was trying to do it on purpose. I know him well enough to know when he’s putting on a show. He’s just not usually so cruel about it. I don’t know why he’s being like that.” I shrugged, unsure of what else to say.   

“Maybe you should try talking to him again. He’s kind of hardheaded. Perhaps putting some pressure on him might bring him back to his senses.” 

“No, you know what, let’s just not focus on him.” I paused briefly, shaking my head again, “I don’t even want to think about him. He’s made it clear how he feels.” 

“You can’t avoid it forever.” She gave me a pointed look. 

I threw my hand up in frustration as I rolled my eyes, “I’m not avoiding it. I’m accepting the reality of the situation.”   

Lauren rolled her eyes in return, “No, you're locking all those feelings away in a secret room in that pretty little head of yours and pretending they don’t exist. I know how you are. You’re both so fucking stubborn.”

I was taken aback by how blunt she was being. That was usually my role. 

“Ok, whatever. Can we talk about Carrington now? What should I do about that? I mean, if I take the position in Silicon Valley, I wouldn’t really have to see him once things got settled. So, if there were vibes, it would be a non-issue, right?” I drew my brows down together as I contemplated that choice. 

Lauren sighed heavily before she responded, “Look, I can’t tell you what to do about that. All I can say is don’t make a choice based on a man. Any man. You’ve wasted too much of your life doing that. Don’t take the job just because you want to get away from Dieter and don’t not take it because this Carrington guy may or may not have been flirting with you. You do what you want, then we will deal with what comes after.” 

She was very matter of fact in her response. Even though that wasn’t the answer I wanted, I knew she was right. I needed to remove the men from the equation and figure out what I really wanted. Lauren spoke up again, pulling me from my thoughts, “Sorry to cut it short, but I gotta go. I need to feed this cat, so he’ll chill out.” She was fighting a smile. 

“Why do I feel like you're talking in code about something else?” I gave her a confused look as she started to laugh. 

“Oh, gotta go. We'll talk tomorrow. Bye.” 

She did not even give me a chance to say bye before hanging up, “What the hell was that about?” I shook my head as I set my phone down on the docking station. There was definitely something going on; her behavior during the call was kind of bizarre, so was the excuse about the stray cat. As if I needed something else to wonder about.   

I decided to finish getting ready for bed after that. Even though my mind was racing with so many different thoughts brought on by the day’s events, I was happy to settle in for the night. I laid there for some time, waiting for the melatonin to kick in. It seemed like it took a little longer than normal, but sleep did finally take me. 

Two weeks after my dinner with Carrington, I still hadn’t decided. Luckily, he was understanding and said I still had some time to think about it. Lauren was still being weird and dodging questions. I had reached a point that I didn’t care what she was up to. If she wanted me to know, she would tell me. I already had too many things on my plate to worry about. Of course, the universe still wasn’t satisfied with my long list of troubles and decided to add to it.

I was sitting on the couch, attempting to read a book in between my spells of wandering thoughts, when the doorbell rang. To my surprise, it was Gabby. We hadn’t talked at all since news got out that Dieter and I were no longer together. She would send the occasional text to check in on me, but that’s it. Honestly, it was too hard for me to talk to her. It only made me miss him and the life we were building together even more. 

Gabby greeted me with a tight hug. When she pulled away, I could see the worry in her eyes. 

“I’m sorry to just barge in on you, but I wanted to talk to you in person.”

She gave me a nervous smile as I waved her in and led her over to sit on the couch. She had a tentative look on her face as she asked me how I was doing. 

“I’m actually ok. I’ve just been keeping busy and focusing on work mostly.” It was hard to meet her gaze, because I knew that if I did, I wouldn’t be able to hold it together. Her eyes reminded me of her brother’s, which seemed to unearth the raw emotion that I had managed to keep locked away thus far. It was all simmering under the surface for me, and I knew it wouldn’t take much for it to start peeking its ugly little head out of its hidden room.

“Have you seen any of the gossip sites lately?” She started to rub her hands against her thighs, clearly nervous to bring up the topic of her brother. 

“Uhm, no. I try to avoid all that stuff these days. I don’t want to know what your brother is up to.” My chest tightened at the mere thought of him. I rubbed my shoulder with my right hand, trying to remain calm and grounded. It was impossible though. 

Gabby sighed heavily, “Talia, it’s getting bad,” she said, and I could hear how upset she was. “Every other night he’s out partying with Anna, and he’s gotten into several confrontations with random people at bars and clubs. He isn’t acting like himself at all. I think he’s using something, but I don’t know what it is. We tried to talk to him about it and now he won’t even speak to us. I’m really worried about him.”     

I could feel her eyes on me as I stared at a random painting on the wall. Focusing on the swirls of color and different brush strokes to distract myself from what I was feeling. 

“I’m not sure why you’re telling me this. I can’t do anything about it. He’s made it pretty clear how he feels.” 

“I don’t know what his fucking problem is, but he loves you. I know he does. We could all see it. I think he would listen to you if you would just talk to him.”  She had an edge to her voice as she spoke. She never took her eyes off me. I briefly glanced over at her. The fear in her eyes nearly broke me. I could feel the tears forming in my eyes as I looked back toward the painting. 

“I tried Gabby. The night he called and ended it... I had a flight booked for the next day and he told me not to come. He lost his shit when I asked him if he was on drugs. He doesn’t want to talk to me.” 

She reached over and grabbed my hand, squeezing it tightly, “You should have gone anyway. I really think if he sees you in person, he’ll listen.”

“I saw him… Two weeks ago. He was an asshole and made it pretty clear that he didn’t want to speak to me.” 

I let out a shuddered breath as I looked down at our hands. Telling her that I couldn’t do anything to stop her brother from hurting himself was one of the hardest things I had ever had to do. 

“Maybe if we all tried. I’m pretty sure he has blocked everyone at this point, but we could all show up at his house and talk to him.”  Her voice was strained. I could tell she was trying to keep her emotions in check as much as I was. 

“Gabby, I just don’t think you can help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.”

I looked up at her and watched as she knitted her brows together at my words. A mixture of frustration and anguish written all over her face. 

“You’re not even gonna try?” 

“I can’t,” I said quietly. The tears finally spilled down my cheeks. 

She shook her head from side to side, not understanding where I was coming from.

“Why not?” 

“Because…if I give in, he’ll completely consume me. And if I can’t get through to him, then you’ll lose both of us. I know I won’t be able to come back from it and that scares the hell out of me.”

I could see the fight drain out of her body as she took in what I was saying. I cleared my throat. 

“I guess I should probably tell you, I’ve uhm...been offered another job. I have a choice of going to New York or Silicon Valley. I haven’t made my final decision yet, but I’m leaning toward accepting one of them.”

She couldn’t hold back her tears any longer, “You guys are really over, aren’t you?” 

“Yeah, I think so.” I shook my head in agreement. The tears were now blurring my vision as I felt my face tighten. I gave up on trying to hold it back. She pulled me in for another tight hug.

“I want you to know that I still consider you to be part of this family. I don’t want you to forget that. I’m still holding out hope that fate will bring you guys back together somehow. I’m convinced you two are meant to be.”    

I pulled away, giving her a small smile as I thanked her for being there for me when she didn’t have to be. She left soon after that with promises to keep in touch. After she was gone, I laid down on the couch. I stared at the ceiling for who knows how long, completely disassociating. Once I finally came back to my thoughts, I couldn’t help but to question every decision I was making. I felt lost and now I had the added concerns of Dieter’s wellbeing. I had managed to ignore that piece of the puzzle thus far by isolating myself from the knowledge of what he was doing. Now that I was aware, it was going to be hard continuing to ignore it.

A/N: Happy Friday y'all! How are we feeling about asshole Dieter? That was some seriously rude things to say to poor Talia. How about that dinner with Carrington and his offer (and maybe flirting)? And what the hell is Lauren up to? Also, Gabby is seriously breaking my heart right now. So, just another warning...the next chapter is going to be A LOT. When I say they hit rock bottom, I mean it. It's all (slowly) uphill after that though... Chapter 24 is complete and currently with my beta. I'll post the teaser on Monday. The chapter will come as soon as we are done with final edits. 💜

Lastly, everyone give a big thank you to @for-a-longlongtime for her excellent beta skills. She never fails to take things up a notch.

Sound off about your thoughts and feelings for this chapter. You know it gives me life. 😉 As usual, I have included the mood board for this chapter below.

Next Chapter

Tag List: @rhoorl @bitchwitch1981 @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @for-a-longlongtime @hisandsnakes @chaoticfestninja @survivingandenduring @partyofone3413 @cakipy-blog @titlee78 @poodlebae @guelyury @weho2kcmo @missladym1981 @maried01 @alokaerza @samiamproductions @misstokyo7love @themonadiaries-blog @madnessofadaydreamer @pedrostories

Let me know in the comments below if you would like to be added to the tag list.

[lentendays]

Kuroshitsuji 209 Theory

Snake will be a bizarre doll.

Let me explain. I don't think Snake's role is over. Yana hasn't really been in the habit of fridging characters without payoff, and Snake's arc hasn't paid off yet.

When Snake reappeared at the end of the Murder Mystery arc, we established two things:

1) Snake wanted to kill "Smile" for doing something to his family, the circus troupe

2) Ciel employed Snake under the lie that they were going to find his family

These two things immediately foreshadow future conflict, where Snake will inevitably find out the Phantomhive household massacred the Noah's Ark circus. At the start of his employment, he wouldn't have hesitated to try to kill them for it. But we get to know Snake more - he's kind, insecure and shy, willing to give a job his all, and responds most to kindness from others. He gets treated well by Ciel and the servants; told that his looks don't matter, given an education and housing, and has saved Ciel on more than one occasion. We don't know who he would choose once the truth comes out, and that presents great conflict. With Doll showing up, we knew this reveal was going to come.

And it did, and it broke Snake, then he died saving a boy from Doll. But that doesn't seem to be the end.

The major deaths we've seen in Black Butler have all happened for a reason to drive the plot forward; Madame Red was discovered to be Jack the Ripper and her death served to introduce Grell and shinigami. Her story was over. Agni died at peace, protecting Soma, who has now turned into a vengeful possibly inhuman force. His story had little arc beyond protecting Soma and suspecting Sebastian, and it heartbreakingly concluded well. We are still picking at the mystery behind the Phantomhive parents' deaths.

Snake's death offered no new information and did not conclude his arc. He was still in denial and wondering what was happening in his last moments. If Yana wanted to kill off a major character for shock value, Bardroy could have died in the previous arc. We had his backstory and there was nothing new to share. But he didn't die.

For Snake - who has a lot more story to tell - to die for a child we just met, having been unable to process his love for the circus and the Phantomhives and what he's just learned about both or take any action, feels too abrupt for what's been set up. He *is* dead; the shinigami's presence and his reel proves that. But will he stay that way?

We still don't know how the bizarre dolls are made, only that they require a constant supply of blood. Snake's corpse is now in Doll's hands, and we know she definitely is a bizarre doll. We never got to see her actual death onscreen but it's extremely unlikely that Sebastian would miss a kill shot.

Hence: Snake will come back as a bizarre doll.

We do know that Bizarre dolls retain the memory and probably personalities of who they were before they died. Doll remembered everything and while she's more violent than she was in the past, that can be explained by the trauma she went through and her desire for vengeance. Same for R!Ciel and whatever he has planned.

Yes, there was a shinigami for Snake, but notice that this isn't anyone we've seen before. Why introduce a new shinigami when there are so many established ones?

One potential reason: because everyone we know is already investigating the Undertaker.

In the Campania arc, we know the prototype bizarre dolls were created by editing the reels. We don't know if this is still the case, but if it IS, and the Undertaker needed Snake's - it would be easier to get from a shinigami we don't know. We don't know their loyalties, or how strong they are, whether they've heard of the Undertaker situation. And if it comes down to it, we don't like them enough yet to feel any way if Undertaker ends up offing them for the reels he needs.

So it's not impossible that Snake comes back as a bizarre doll. And that would put his loyalties further into question. Does he side with R!Ciel and his friend Doll and the memory of his troupe, who were kidnapping and killing children for bone prosthetics - in addition to the fact that they would be the only faction capable of keeping him "alive" as a bizarre doll? Or does he help O!Ciel, who lies aside has treated him kindly and given him peace and an education, at what would be Snake's own "second life" as cost?

This would be a far more interesting story than him dying confused with little resolution.

Narratively, in a meta sense, there are a couple reasons this makes sense. We already have Soma vying for revenge; there doesn't need to be another similar story. We saw that it was possible for Lau to go back for Bard in the previous arc, despite having little reason to and not really knowing Bard in the first place. So why was Finny, who's always been shown as ride-or-die, the heart of the servants, who clearly cares about his colleagues and Snake, not allowed to do the same for Snake (in a narrative sense)? Because he needed to leave Snake behind to let a different story start.

Anyway that's my theory. Thoughts?

[juceynightmare]

dating 101 (18+) part 15 - cody rhodes x reader

my masterlist

dating 101 (18+) masterlist

pairing(s): cody rhodes x reader, roman reigns x reader

warning(s): swearing, reader is conflicted, cody is amazed by female anatomy, pussy slapping, reader’s a brat, cody just wants to sleep, jealous!cody in denial

genre(s): college!au, slow burn, fluff, light nsfw

|| previous part || next part ||

y/n had been staring at the bouquet on her desk since the moment roman had dropped her back at the dorms. they had spent majority of the day exploring the downtown area, talking, and having fun. it seemed as though it was a never ending date, as by the time roman had brought her back to the dorms, the sun had already set. as much as the two wanted to continue spending the night with each other, roman had to leave as there was a club mixer he was a participating in. coincidentally, ted’s own club was participating in the same mixer, and so the two had left with each other. this left cody and y/n alone in y/n’s room, although y/n wasn’t paying much attention to the man. and cody couldn’t figure out why he didn’t like that fact.

an odd taste was left in his mouth the moment he had seen austin’s text. this taste had turned into something that had cody wanting to throw up when he saw y/n attached to roman’s side and holding that stupid plushie bouquet roman had gotten for her. but something had churned in cody’s stomach when roman had kissed her forehead before he and ted left, and cody could not understand what he was feeling and why he was feeling something so disgusting.

“so, date went well?” cody asked, tearing y/n’s attention away from the plushie bouquet and making her turn to face him.

“yeah, we’re going to have a formal second date after midterms though.” she answered, a wide smile on her face. “until then, we’re going to be studying together so i get to see him way more often this week which is a major plus!” y/n giggled.

“ok, then what’s the label between you two right now? you dating?” cody asked, although he hated the way the word “dating” had felt on his tongue. it didn’t feel right.

“no, not dating.” y/n answered, and cody could see the way that the gears in y/n’s head were currently turning. “we talked about it. roman’s not sure if he wants a relationship right now and i’m not really sure what i want either. but, we both agree that we still want to explore whatever’s going on between us because there is something there.”

cody nodded his head, acknowledging her answer. although to him, all he heard was that y/n was still his, not roman’s and certainly not whoever the fuck austin is. “so, not exclusive then?” he pressed further, as if to confirm his own thoughts.

“no. we agreed that it’d be fine if we weren’t exclusive, because at that point we might as well be in a relationship. we’re still trying to work things out between us.” she answered with a shrug. y/n stared at cody, her expression faltering as she took in his figure.

god, that nap they took together was amazing, and y/n was sure it wasn’t because of the weed but rather because of the fact that she was in cody’s arms.

…

what?

cody watched as y/n had suddenly turned serious. she turned to look out into the hallway before getting up and shutting the door. he cocked a brow, staring right into y/n’s gaze once she turned back around to face him.

this is wrong. it has been wrong since the moment cody and y/n had first kissed after y/n had already recognized her feelings for roman. it had only become increasingly worse when y/n had let cody be the first one to bury himself in her and make her feel pleasure and pain in ways she has never previously experienced.

cody had turned into the unlikely person that y/n had come to trust the most in this world. he had helped her branch out to make connections and coax her out of her shell. he had shown support for her in ways that only cody could. he didn’t judge her or force her out of her comfort zone, and she admired the way cody attacked the world without a second to doubt himself. even though many had come to know him as just a “good fuck” whenever they needed a release, cody had proved himself to be so much more than his physical body when he would excel in his academics and be so attentive to y/n’s wants and needs. in a short amount of time, cody had carved himself a permanent fixture in y/n’s life, and y/n had no plans of evicting him any time soon.

and although roman had made her world stop with his kiss, she couldn’t figure out why she had suddenly grown so attached to cody.

“what’s going on in that pretty head of yours, sweetheart?” cody asked, tearing y/n out of her own thoughts. he motioned her to come towards him, patting at his thigh as if to tell her to take a seat.

she shouldn’t. not when she and roman had just had an amazing date. but at the same time, she had slept with cody in the literal hours before her date. it was as if her body had a mind of its own, and before y/n knew it, she was already straddling cody’s hips with her arms around his neck and her wide gaze peering into his.

y/m squeezed her eyes shut, leaning forward and burying her face into the crook of cody’s neck. she felt his arms wrap around her waist and one of his hands begin to rub circles into her back.

“sweetheart? what’s wrong i thought the date went well?” cody asked, worried by y/n’s sudden change in mood.

“no, it went amazing, cody.” she whispered. you’re not exclusive with roman, she could hear that little voice tell her in the back of her mind. that was just a way for y/n to cope with the fact that she wanted to feel cody hold her against him without feeling too guilty about it. “just wanted to be in your arms for a moment.” y/n found herself admitting. she felt cody’s chest rise and fall with the small laughs he had let out, and felt him press a kiss to the side of her head.

“my sweet girl.” cody whispered, hooking his arms under her legs and standing up. he walked over to y/n’s bed, supporting her with one arm as he pulled the blanket back before setting y/n down. he took her shoes off for her, while kicking his own slides off in the process, and scooted into the bed beside her.

cody pulled the blanket over them, laying on his side to face her and sliding his arm under her head. y/n turned to face him, scooting closer to him and pressing her face into his chest as his arm wrapped around her. she shivered at cody’s bare skin, and said, “jesus fuck, codes. have you been shirtless this whole day? you’re freezing.”

cody laughed, and answered, “it’s comfortable, and i’ve gotten used to the cold.” his hand trailed down, until it rested against the small of her back. “not too sore yet, right?” cody asked.

y/n shook her head, pulling her face away from cody’s chest to stare up at him. “no, but i’m still bleeding a little. i went to pee and when i wiped i saw blood and i was like ‘wow thanks cody’” she laughed, rolling her eyes at the cocky smile that had appeared on cody’s face. she brought a hand up, slapping his cheek gently in a teasing manner as if to tell him to stop being so cocky. “i’ll definitely feel it tomorrow though. it feels really swollen down there.”

“let me see.” cody suddenly jumped at the opportunity, much to y/n’s surprise.

“codes, what?” she breathed out, although she didn’t fight against cody when he moved out of her arms and adjusted her so she was laying on her back. cody shrugged the blanket off of him and pushed the fabric away from y/n.

“i want to see, i’m curious.” he said, pushing up the skirt of her dress and pulling down her spandex and underwear in one go.

y/n had never felt her face heat up so badly before, and she was sure she was as red as a tomato in that moment. but did she fight back? no. “this is so weird when it’s not sexual.” she said, causing cody to laugh as he spread her legs.

she jolted when she felt cody’s fingers part her lips, her eyes widening in shock. “cody what the hell are you doing down there?” she asked, lifting her head so she can look down at cody.

the man’s head was tilted downwards so he could stare at her core, and he was parting her lips as if to get a clearer view. “getting a better view.” cody answered, adjusting himself so he sat further back in the bed. cody kept one hand on y/n’s thigh to keep her legs parted, while his other hand was on her core. “are you sure you don’t feel anything right now?” he asked, worry dripping down his chin. he averted his gaze away from her core, meeting y/n’s eyes and seeing the embarrassed look on her face.

“is it that bad? it doesn’t feel like anything right now.” y/n asked, suddenly worried by cody’s own reaction.

“it just looks really raw and tender right now, a little swollen. but like in a hot way. i bet you’re extremely sensitive too.” cody said, experimentally tapping on y/n’s clit and watching the way y/n squirmed and reacted to his touch.

“no, no, mister. you are not getting me all horny when you already fucked me today.” she warned him, sitting up and pressing her hands to his chest.

“alright, alright. i hear you, miss y/n.” he laughed, flipping y/n’s dress back down and taking her wrists in his hands. cody pushed her back down to the bed gently, pinning her wrists to the mattress above her head.

“cody.” she whispered, her tone faltering.

“so, who’s austin and why do i have to pay him even though i’ve had you first?” cody questioned.

the possessive tone in cody’s voice had y/n’s eyes widening. “you know, if i didn’t know you better, i would dare say you’re jealous.” y/n whispered after a moment of the two just staring into each others eyes, although cody’s gaze had grown hostile with each passing second.

“you should also know that i love being first and the best in everything i do, and now that includes you.” cody replied, watching the way y/n had shuddered under him. “roman already pissed me off by telling me to get in the back of the line when i already have you running back to my arms after going out on a date with him. and then i learn about your little friend austin, and how he wants to bend you over and put that plan b to use. so, who is austin?” he continued to talk, venom dripping down his chin.

y/n knew she had already told cody that they would not be having round two any time soon, but the way cody was speaking in that moment had a pool of arousal dripping between her thighs. she had never taken cody to be the jealous type, and she prayed to god that he’d protect her as she played her next card. “austin’s just a friend, but he’s sort of been trying to get in my pants since forever.” she whispered, watching the way something like irritation flashed in cody’s eyes.

“well, i took your innocence, princess. so as far as i’m concerned, this guy can fuck off to the back of the line while i have my fun, and run me my money while he’s at it.” cody grumbled.

y/n giggled, leaning up and pressing a gentle kiss to cody’s lips that had the man calming down slowly. it was a short kiss, one that didn’t leave y/n feeling too guilty about, but it was enough to get cody to cool his anger. “jealousy is a good look on you, codes.” she teased, feeling cody let go of her wrists and watching him roll his eyes.

“i’m not jealous.” he mumbled, falling back to his spot beside y/n and draping an arm over her. “i’d watch that mouth if i were you. you’re not wearing anything under that dress of yours anymore and although you may be too sensitive for my cock, i’m sure you’d love to have my fingers in you.” cody threatened, shutting his eyes and letting his head sink into her pillow.

y/n knew she was playing with fire at this point, and cody had even looked peaceful beside her. she turned on her side, snuggling into cody’s chest and feeling his arm tighten around her. it truly was tragic for cody that y/n loved to play with fire. “actually, with all the talk austin’s been doing since i’ve known him, i think i should invite him to visit.” y/n mused.

cody furrowed his brows, reaching his hand down between y/n’s legs. his forced her to turn so she was laying on her back once again, parted her thighs with his hand, and a wet slap was heard throughout the room. y/n yelped, her eyes darting to look at cody’s face. the man’s eyes were still closed, and his face held no emotion.

“someone’s wet.” he mumbled, slapping her pussy once again and grinning when he heard her yelp and whimper. “now shut up and quit acting out. i’ve been studying all fucking day while you were out having fun and don’t have the patience to deal with you being a brat and trying to make me mad.” cody grumbled, bringing his hand back up and wrapping his arm around her figure.

y/n nodded her head, feeling her core pulse between her legs as she turned back on to her side to face cody. “sorry” she whispered, closing her eyes and pressing her face into his chest. she didn’t even want to know what else cody would end up doing if she continued to act out, and his reaction had already been enough to satisfy her.

“it’s ok sweetheart.” cody whispered. “i’m gonna nap, all i’ve been staring at are graphs, graphs, graphs, a pie chart, and a bunch of empty cells in a stupid excel sheet this entire fucking day and i have a headache just thinking about it.” he continued, his voice increasingly getting more irritated as he spoke. cody opened his eyes and reached out for the blanket, pulling it back over the two of them.

“i’m not sleepy though.” y/n replied, pulling her head away from cody’s chest to look up at him. he met her gaze, and y/n could see the frustration and fatigue that he had been hiding since the moment she returned up until this point.

“i said i’m going to nap, not you.” he mumbled, bringing his hand around to the back of her head and pulling her back into his chest. he shut his eyes, his eyelids feeling heavy. “my phone’s in my pocket. passcode is 3829. goodnight.”

y/n blushed, nodding her head and reaching between them to grab cody’s phone out of his pocket. she adjusted herself so that she could hold the phone up to her face while still being comfortable in cody’s arms, and she began to look for something to watch with the volume on low.

eventually, the only sounds cody could hear were the soft sound of some gaming video that y/n was watching and her soft laughs that’d follow a joke that was made. he smiled to himself, his eyes still shut, and leaning down to press a kiss to the top of y/n’s head. as he drifted off to sleep, cody couldn’t help but think:

this is way better than sleeping alone.

|| next part ||

[mofffun]

The elephant in the room: Rita's Gender

In manga ch12 and ep38, Rita is referred to with female pronouns. ch12 has a little girl call Rita お姉ちゃん (big sister) and ep38 has Minnogan call them 彼女 (she/her). This is canon text.

My argument proposed Rita does not bother correcting people who misgender them. Because their time is too valuable for that. Not that they don't mind, merely as King, they are above letting mere words hurt them.

In the manga, Rita certainly reacts more strongly to being told 'you look like a bad guy' than interested in picking a fight with a little girl. The girl first called to both of them and only Morfonia answered.

For ep38, there's no denial Idol Rita is dressed feminine so naturally Minnogan is led to think that way. Rita has no cause to oppose them or risk breaking their cover and lose his trust. To equate, another major villain, Kamejim, also identify Rita as male in considering them for Himeno's spouse.

My personal interpretation is, as opposed to a troubled age, Rita simply instinctively sacrificed everything personal in name of neutrality, for duty and country, including their gender. It's not like they identify as one thing or another, it's they don't identify with anything but King of Gokkan. Regardless of gender, it does not affect their competence to perform the duty of a sovereign. On a character level, it's more fitting for this person to identify as gender neutral, but I also don't think gender is a big part of their identity.

It's still a meaningful step we receive in Rita a messy but strong female character, it's just the difference how big the step is to have them also represent non-binary/trans people. It is the doylist symbolism they hold, and the authorial intention that I cannot put down.

I looked up "rita gender" on jp tweet and I get the impression they don't think today's episode is firm enough even for those who wished for it to confrim Rita is a girl. And their viewpoints is varied too, Rita's gender can also be "undisclosed" or "(just) Rita". So I feel better there. I overreacted.

All intents and purposes I might just be wishful thinking and they decided on making Rita a girl the moment Yuzuki was cast. Mah, it's been a good 37 weeks.

In the end, Rita's setting is "undisclosed gender". Truthfully I never expected Toei to keep a 37-episode streak, not only never referred to them with female pronouns, to making them more neutral in Chapter 2's styling, and even gave us episode 36.

Say, what about the occassional offscreen use of "she"? In their position, what would you ask Yuzuki/mass media to refer to Rita without official confirmation? The audition criteria are never made known to even Yuzuki herself now we're nearing the show's end. It's understandable she took to the character as the same gender as herself. The production crew doesn't share everything with the cast. Practically, gender issues is, not a safe topic to say the least, Yuzuki's own awareness, and whether higher-ups allow her to say anything about it, is another story. Again, businesses have no obligation to endanger their profit. Pretend Toei has the guts to come out and say Rita is non-binary from the beginning (which they kinda did sneakily), they will be accused of political correctness and using Rita as a gimmick, let alone the PTA complaints. If they stay silent, the same group is gonna say they are cowards. Why not just focus on making a good show and a popular/profitable character?

Under all that, lies the practical factors of Janpese grammar and where Janpanese society stands among conservative to progressive. It's a very complicated issue with histories to consider and I'm surely not the best person to ask as a non-native. But I guess the gist is, it's still not mainstream, so the media stick to the existent language when the official sources never said otherwise.

Another point is, I don't think too much people have the concept of "tiered canon" or "proximity to sources". I'm talking about throwing out EVERY website/interview, just looking at the show, there has been no concrete evidence what gender Rita is. While episodic costumes are feminine, the script consistently refers to them with neutral/masculine language. So you can make an argument for both sides really.

So I would like to end by parroting this excellent argument: may I remind you that cross-dressing is also a sentai tradition?

[thranduilsperkybutt]

GIRLS ON FILM

Photo sources:  1  |  2 

Pairings:  Steve Harrington/Reader

Warnings:  NSFW; smut; fluff; amateur corn production; literally no proof-reading; plot? what plot?

Word Count:  6,001 words

Reader Gender:  Female

Author:  Meg

Summary:  You need a subject for your photography class assignment. Luckily, your boyfriend is more than willing to help you out. Some pictures, however, might be better off left between just the two of you...

A/N:  Caught you in 4k 📸 Had to bang this out before volume 2 crushed my soul, so, here you go 🤡🤡 I’m in full clown-mode denial that anything is going to happen to my faves at all rn---

Hoisting your bag onto your arm, you make your way out of the lecture hall, still dwelling on the newest assignment your professor had given out. You were supposed to photograph someone important to you in your own unique portraiture method, which had set off a few groans in class when the professor had first announced it. There were clearly several people who had no idea who they were going to make the subject of their assignment, meanwhile your mind had immediately gone to one specific person.

Steve Harrington was perhaps the most important person in your life right now, which makes sense, considering your relationship with the man has been serious since last March. It was perhaps the only thing he was serious about at this current time in his life, with how he was still undecided on his major after nearly a year and a half’s worth of college courses.

His father wanted him to go into tech, but Steve had been so uncertain that any chance at getting into somewhere other than the community college a county over from Hawkins had flown out the window. It was still a touchy subject, and the fact that his wealthy parents still had him working part-time at the Family Video store, despite pursuing an education, was evidence enough that his father hadn’t forgiven him for not applying himself harder. He has a little over a semester’s worth of classes left until you both are set to transfer to state, and he has to decide on something to do with his life by then in order to appease his parents.

Well, something other than dating you, because you’re the only thing in his life right now that Steve’s absolutely certain he wants.

And you’re absolutely certain that Steve is the man for this assignment.

He’s already helped you set up a few of your other projects for this class, between studying for the few classes you share together, so you’re pretty sure he’ll help you out again, if you ask him nicely.

Pushing past the double doors leading out to the parking lot, it’s not difficult to find his beamer parked right where it always is. Steve’s sitting in the driver’s seat with the window rolled down, undoubtedly enjoying the temperate weather after having got out of his own class that ends thirty minutes before yours. The closer you get, the more you can hear the music on his radio, and it becomes clear that he’s either taking a nap or has his eyes closed behind the sunglasses perched on his nose, because he makes no move to acknowledge your approach.

Leaning on the windowsill, you bend into the car swiftly to place a peck on his cheek, “Guess who?”

“That better be my girlfriend, or I’m in trouble,” he grins, raising his head from where it had been leant back on the seat to look at you through his shades. “How was class?”

“Same old, same old,” you roll your eyes, pushing off the door to go around to the passenger side. Dumping your bag into the back seat, you slide in beside him, continuing, “Dr. Tanner gave us another assignment.”

“Oh?” Steve hums, shifting gears to drive out of the parking lot. “She likes to give you guys a lot of things to do, huh?”

“Yeah, she always is saying that the more we practice, the better our photos will be. I guess she’s right,” you sigh, sinking into the seat and deciding to test the waters. “How about your day? How’s it been?”

Steve groans, jaw clenching as he turns his blinker on, “You don’t want to know. My dad’s gonna’ kill me when I make a C in biology.”

“You got your test back?”

“Unfortunately. At least yesterday I still could live with the hope of getting a B—”

“I’m sure there’s some way to improve your grade. There’s still one more test before the final, right?” You lean towards him, reaching out to give his shoulder a comforting rub, “I’ll help you. I’m doing alright in biology since Dr. O’Malley explains things pretty well.”

“Yeah, but O’Malley at least teaches you what’s gonna’ be on the tests! I feel like every time my guy gives us a lecture, he’s telling us what not to study, because it’s never on his exams!” Steve huffs your name with frustration, “I made a fifty-eight. A fifty-eight! That’s like if a nuke hit my B-average.”

“I’m sorry, Steve. I know you studied hard for it,” you murmur, knowing there’s nothing you can do about it now, and instead focus on perhaps cheering him up, “Want to get drive-thru before we hit the interstate? Like KFC or something? I know you must be starving.” It’s about an hour’s drive back to Hawkins, and food is the only thing that you can think of that might make the situation at least a little better for now.

“Yeah, I guess I could eat,” he doesn’t sound convincing.

You give his shoulder a squeeze, feeling him relax slightly at the touch, “You’ll feel better after.”

The side-eyed glance he gives you lets you see a glimpse of his dark eyes beyond the sunglasses, and you offer him an encouraging smile that he returns, “You’re probably right. Man, I’m moping, aren’t I? Sorry to be such a downer.”

“No, it’s okay. You know you don’t have to be on all the time with me,” when he stops at a red light, he reaches from the gear shift to rest his hand on your thigh, leaning into your touch when you move to caress his cheek. “We’ll work through it together, yeah?”

Steve nods, smile spreading into something more genuine, something that reaches his eyes, when he sighs softly, “What did I do to deserve you, honey?”

“Probably something amazing, I’m sure,” you giggle, before retreating back into your seat and turning up the radio just enough to hear a familiar song you liked.

The wind flowing through his open window ruffles his hair as he continues driving on the turning of the light, “That assignment you were talking about— what’s it going to be this time?”

“Well, I have to take a series of photos involving someone I care about, and make them unique to my personal style.”

“Ah,” he begins, “so who’re you gonna’ ask—?”

Rolling your eyes, you snort, “You, obviously! Who else?”

“I don’t know! I thought, maybe, like, Robin, or your parents, or something—” he quickly runs through his options.

“Of course I was gonna’ ask you, Steve. You’re pretty much the most special person in my life—”

“Aw,” he grins, teasing, “I’m special to you? That’s so sweet.”

“Shut up,” you fight against the warmth rising to your cheeks. Even after all this time, he still can make you flustered, and you know he knows it, “Well, will you?”

“Will I what?”

“Be my subject!”

“Uh, sure,” he hums, “I just gotta’ work this weekend. I’m off Sunday, though, so we could do it then, unless you’re busy.”

“Sunday works,” agreement on your tongue, you’re glad you’ll have a few days to figure out what kind of set up you want for the photos. “You could bring your bio books, too, and we could study together.” Steve groans his reluctance until you point at him, “Hey, I’m gonna’ make sure you get the grade you need, mister!”

“Sunday’s supposed to be a day of rest or something, isn’t it?” he whines, taking the turn towards the restaurant.

“There ain’t no rest for the wicked, Steve,” you tease, grinning, as he shoots you a look beneath a raised brow.

“The wicked, and college students, huh?” Steve shakes his head, a smile lingering on his lips as he pulls up behind the cars waiting in line at the drive-thru, “Come on, tell me what you want.”

Reaching around the seat, you grab your bag to rummage through it in search of some cash, “I’m treating you today, okay? Because you had a bad day— no arguing!” You can tell he wants to, by the time you plop back into your seat with your wallet in hand, but you silence whatever protest he’s about to start into when you lean into his personal space, his eyes darting to your lips when you repeat, “No arguing,” before kissing him.

Trying to keep it proper, considering you were still in semi-public, you don’t give Steve much attention before you’re pulling away, and he’s pouting, but concedes all the same, “Fine, but I’m getting it next time.”

“Mhm,” you hum, biting into your smile as you flip open your wallet.

“I am,” Steve leans towards you, catching your attention with a playful look of determination, shooting your own words back at you. “See this face? No arguing!”

“I’m not arguing!” Gesturing to the car in front of you which had driven forward in the time it had taken for him to get distracted, you refocus him, “Pull up, Steve!”

“Uh-huh, that’s what I thought.”

A wide grin cuts along his teeth, like he knows he’ll get his way, which he will. He almost always does, when it comes to treating you to little things like this. Steve was the kind of guy who liked to feel like he was taking care of someone, but the truth was, he needed you just as much as you needed him. Maybe neither of you were truly reliant on each other financially, but when it comes down to the little moments of every day you spent together? Without that, you’re certain you’d simply wither up and die.

Steve had been your safe place, whenever something was going wrong in your life. You knew you could confide in him about anything, and he’d try to support you through it. Maybe that’s why you can allow yourself to give him the same, because Steve Harrington made loving you look easy, even when you knew it wasn’t always the case.

Comfortable is a forbidden word to some couples. They’re so used to the high of a honeymoon phase, or the anxiety of a struggling relationship, that when the lull of everyday comfortability sets in, it’s mistaken for boredom. For something being terribly wrong. You’d been that way once, before him, and judging by what he’d told you of his past relationships, he’d been victim to that same uncertainty in the past.

The truth is, you wouldn’t rather have him any other way. Slipping into this sneaky vulnerability that comes with the soft comfort which spreads through your soul every time he touches you, or calls you his, is a state you’d gladly live in for the rest of your days.

You’ve been head over heels for him for far longer than you ever realized.

That’s why the next couple of days were hard. Whenever you were separated by work, only able to see him between classes and shifts, as silly as it sounds, you’re missing him by Sunday. Sure, he called you the night before— he always makes sure to call you on the days you can’t see each other in person, but you’re still a bundle of nervous excitement as you set up the finishing touches for the photos of him you had planned.

It was a photography studio on a student budget, also known as a sheet pinned against your shoebox of an apartment’s wall, with strategic lighting positioned around it. You’ve decided on seeing what you can accomplish with polaroids, rather than the film processing you’d have to do otherwise.

You wanted to focus on minimalism, on just him, hoping that maybe the lack of focus on anything else would show how little everything else matters in comparison. Or, at least, that it’ll get you a good grade on the project.

Sighing, you plop down onto your bed to get as much a distant look at the set-up as you can in the cramped space, before deciding that it was as close as you had imagined in your head as you were going to get for now. The sound of the key in your lock lets you know it’s just in the nick of time, too, because within moments Steve is pushing open your door.

“Your model has arrived,” he calls out, before catching sight of you on the bed. He does a dramatic little spin to show off his outfit, which consists of a blue sweater and gray slacks, before shutting your front door behind him with a grin, “I’m ready for Vogue.”

Chuckling, “Perfect timing! I just got done setting everything up.” He’s tucking his keys into his pocket when you look around him, “Did you forget your biology book?”

“Ugh,” he groans before collapsing beside you on the bed, pushing himself up on his elbow to affix you with a reluctant, “it’s rotting in the trunk of my car. I was hoping you’d forget about bio…” blinking up at you, he bats his eyes as if to persuade you, “since I’m being such a great guy and helping you out with your project, and all…”

“Steve!” you huff when he pokes you in the side, swatting at his hands, “It’s for your own good!”

“I’ve just accepted my fate at this point—”

“No, come on,” you shift to turn towards him more fully, dangling one leg off the bed with the other crossed beneath your hands. “There’s more fight in you than that! Look, how about we do the shoot, then we can study a little, and spend the rest of the day doing something fun together? At the very least, we should go over your test together…”

A smile slowly parts his lips, as Steve jokes, “Alright, professor, we’ll do it your way,” before sitting up properly to sneak a kiss at your cheek. “So, tell me all about where you want me for this shoot.”

Escaping the way his hands have started to snake around your waist, you move towards the camera you’ve set up on the small space of a kitchen counter that you have, “I’m thinking, polaroids this time. I did regular film for the last project, but the professor is giving us more creative leeway with this one. Besides, I’ve been wanting to do something serious with this thing for class ever since you got me it for my birthday…”

“Oh, yeah,” Steve nods, as if he’s said anything different when you told him the last few project ideas you’ve come up with, “I think that’s a good idea.”

“I’m not finished telling you everything about my idea,” you begin, picking at the camera in your hands as you confess the one point you weren’t entirely sure if he’d be okay with. “I wanted to do a minimalist kind of thing, and you can totally say no if you want to. I’m sure I could make it work otherwise—”

Steve raises a brow at your rambling tone, “What?”

“I was thinking… about maybe taking a few pictures… without your shirt? Like I was going to pose you so it’s like, this artistically minimal kind of thing, and it would only be shots from the waist up, but I totally get if you’re not comfortable with doing that—” your voice dies in your throat when Steve stands up and simply tugs his sweater over his head, laying it over the rails of your bed’s iron footboard.

Moving closer, he smirks at having successfully silenced you, “You want me to sit on the stool?”

“Yeah, um,” you tear your eyes away from him, towards your setup, and the stool sat in the middle of it. “Kind of with your back to me— I’ll show you.”

When you have him successfully positioned, in the stool, pushing his hair the way you want it to look, he grins at your look of concentration, “Can’t get enough of this pretty face, huh?”

“Quit smiling,” you snicker, before pulling back to look at him through the camera lens, “I want a neutral look on your face in these shots.”

“Neutral, huh?” he proceeds to frown.

“Neutral, not frowning! Think of, like, clean laundry, or something that makes you feel calm—”

“Clean laundry?” he was heavily judging your choice, “That’s what makes you calm?”

“Steve,” you whine, lowering the camera from your face, “just think of something calming.”

“Okay, okay, just gimme’ a second,” he relents, as you bring the camera back up to line up the shot. Finally, he breathes, “Got it,” before his face settles into a calm neutral expression, dark brown eyes looking at the camera just the way you want.

“Perfect,” you snap the shot, before hearing the whirr of the film as it gets ejected. Fanning the picture until it starts to appear, you feel your smile spreading when you begin to make out the photo. It turned out great. Setting the picture on the counter, you turn back to Steve, “Alright, just keep doing that. I’m gonna’ get some different angles.”

“Okay. Just make sure you make me look cool,” of course that would be his one concern.

Before you can reposition him again, you try out some different angles. You want to have multiple shots to choose from, so you don’t wind up having to take more pictures of him later. You’d learned your lesson before about not getting enough shots, and it was more of a hassle in the long run than just taking your time while you had everything set up. You spend almost half an hour taking the shots between soft banter with Steve, which is honestly less time than you’d expected it to take, but Steve was more focused today than he usually is.

Flipping through the stack of polaroids you’ve taken, you hold out some for Steve to see, “Wanna’ take a look?”

“We done?”

“I think so. They turned out really nice. I’ll have to narrow down my favorite ones to submit for class…” Steve’s fingers brush yours as he takes the pictures from your hands, looking through them. You hope he thinks they look as good as you do, “What do you think?”

“I think,” his eyes flick up from the pictures to catch your waiting stare, “I’ve never looked better.” You let out a breath of relief, taking the pictures back from him to sort out on the counter, while Steve plucks the camera into his hands, “This is a nifty little thing, huh? I didn’t expect it to be able to make pictures that good.”

“That’s the technology of the ‘80s for you,” you joke, only for a flash and the sound of the camera going off to catch your attention. Whipping your head from the pictures on the counter to Steve, you find him grinning mischievously at you as he fans out a picture of his own, “Steve!”

“What? The photographer never gets to be photographed?” holding out the picture, you watch as the candid image of you sorting through the pictures comes into view, “Look at how beautiful you look.”

“Stop,” you can’t stop your giggles when he slides up into your personal space, positioning the camera like he’s going to take another picture, “you’ll waste the film.”

“It’s not a waste. I could use a few more pictures of you.”

Looking towards him skeptically, “You have pictures of me—”

“Yeah,” he sighs, brushing your hair out of his way to kiss  you against your temple, “I could always use more, though.”

“What you should use is that biology book that’s in the trunk of your car,” you turn to face him, leaning against the counter as he rolls his eyes at your cheeky changing of the subject. Backing up, he appears to be thinking, before he turns to go and sit on the edge of your bed, still picking at the camera in his hands.

“You said we wouldn’t study until after the shoot,” Steve mumbles, placing the camera to his side.

“Yeah, and I’m done. I got all the shots I think I need.”

“No, you haven’t,” he begins, and you know better than to play this game with him, when he gets that look in his eyes. You know whatever he’s got in his head can only be a bad idea, but you step forward anyway.

Arms crossed over your chest, it’s too fun to give into him to resist, “Oh? What makes you say that?”

“I was just… thinking…”

“That’s dangerous.”

“Shut up,” Steve chuckles, reaching out when you’re within arm’s reach to tug you closer by the loops in your jeans. “I was just thinking about, maybe… you letting me take some pictures of you. Just for me.”

“Just for you, huh?” you lean your hand on his shoulder, steading yourself from where you stand between his knees. “What kind of pictures?”

“Nothing too bad, just… the last picture I have of you is the one in my wallet, and it’s practically falling apart,” he sighs when you card your fingers into his hair, scraping your nails along his scalp. “How am I supposed to brag about my girl with a picture that looks like it’s been through a world war?”

“And who’s fault is that? I gave it to you brand new—”

“I know, I know, but,” and there are those wide eyes of his again, staring up at you with that pleading look that made you melt to his every whim just about, “I want to remember how you are now, when we’re alone together. Not just some professional photo— though, you look nice in those, too.”

Now, how were you supposed to say no to that?

“Okay, fine,” you sigh, knowing full well you’d let him take as many as he wanted to, “just one picture.” He could use the rest of your film up, if it meant seeing him grin at you like he was. Reloading the camera again is a small price to pay.

“Really?” when you nod, he urges you down into his lap with a firm tug at your hips, until you’re left straddling him. His hand finds the side of your neck, dragging your lips against his in a kiss that’s soft, slow, but laced with his hint of grateful excitement before he pulls away with, “Thank you.”

“Jeez, if that’s the thanks I get for letting you take a picture, I’ll let you take them more often,” you laugh, as he picks the camera off the comforter. “How do you want me to sit for the picture, Steve?”

“Hmm,” he hums thoughtfully, bringing the camera to his face to look at you through it, “that’s a good question. I think… I want you to take your sweater off for it.”

“It’s a cardigan,” you correct, reaching down to unbutton the garment.

“Whatever,” Steve lowers the camera, watching you toss the cardigan onto the footboard of your bed, where his sweater still hangs. It leaves you in the casual tank-top you’d been wearing beneath.

“Do you want to use the set?”

“No, no,” he brings the camera back up, still seemingly deciding on how he wants the picture, “I think I want you to sit on the bed.” Before you can move from his lap, he adds, “It would be more normal. I want it to be kind of natural.”

“Alrighty, then,” you shift, crawling off him and to the side in order to lay back on the bed, until he gets up. When you sit upright, Steve’s standing off the end of the bed with the camera, seemingly mimicking the way you had been lining up your shot earlier.

Noticing the strap of your tank top has slipped down your arm when you shifted positions, you go to push it back up, only for Steve’s voice to stop you, “Uh, can you leave it?”

“What?”

“It just makes you look comfortable,” is his only explanation, but you lower your hand all the same, leaving the strap hanging slightly off your shoulder.

“Is this good?” you ask, but there’s a tension in the air, and judging by the strain in his voice, he can feel it, too.

“Yeah, uh,” you watch as Steve swallows, “can you just, lay back a bit?” Doing as he says, you relax against the comforter a little, and he comes closer. His knees brush the edge of the bed between where your calves dangle off the edge of it. He takes another second, before the shutter goes off along with the flash, and then another picture is ejecting from the camera.

Steve fans it a little, while you raise your foot to press into his abdomen, “Did it turn out how you wanted?”

His eyes are a little glazed over, when he looks from the picture to you, as if he were lost in thought for just a moment, “Um, yeah, take a look.” You take the photo when he offers it to you, only to see yourself spread atop the bed, hair spread around your head like a halo, the strap of your tank top falling off your shoulder. The slight smile on your face only adds to how comfortable you look, and you have to admit, you don’t hate this picture of you.

Steve’s hand comes to your ankle, pushing your foot from his path as he kneels into the bed, settling over your body while you stare at the picture, “I did good, huh?”

“You’re quite the photographer, Mister Harrington,” you tease, casting your eyes upon him again to find that he’s so close. It takes only a shift of his body weight to lower himself enough to capture your lips with his, but while this kiss might be slow, it was far from soft. There’s an edge there, a need in the insistence of his lips against yours. The taste of his tongue scrambling your thoughts until you completely abandon the picture in your grip, leaving it somewhere beside you on the bed, in favor of the feeling of his skin.

Your hands snake up his sides, dragging him closer just as much as your legs do, while Steve kisses you senseless. His fingers splay beneath the end of your shirt, pushing until he can feel the soft press of your stomach, and inching upwards with each passing second. The last thing on either of your minds is studying for biology, and any chance you have at returning to the plan for the day is quickly slipping through your fingertips the more his body presses down into yours.

It crumbles away entirely when he pulls back just enough to utter a breathless, “I need you so bad right now,” before delving down your jaw, dragging his lips along the column of your throat.

“Steve—” you’re just as breathless, and you don’t know if it’s the few days you’ve spent apart, or the fact that you have both been so wound-up over school, but you need him just as badly.

“Please,” he groans against your throat, leaving open-mouthed kisses there that were undoubtedly going to leave a mark thanks to the fervor with which he’d descended upon you. You hardly mind. You’ve missed his marks on you, ever since the last ones had faded.

Your tank top is pushed over your chest, a fist in the fabric keeping it up while his other hand presses against your hardening nipples through the bralette you’d chosen to wear today. You hadn’t planned on going anywhere, and wanted to just remain comfortable, but that was backfiring on you now, because you can feel almost everything through the thin fabric.

As if arching into his touch wasn’t enough, Steve questions, “You want it, too, right?”

“Yeah, Steve,” catching him by the jaw to drag his head back up, you mewl against his lips, “I want you.”

His breath shudders from his lips before he draws you into another kiss. Taking his time to strip you down is nothing new, but the words he utters as he pushes his own pants from his hips are.

“I can’t stop thinking about how good you look on camera,” Steve groans, taking himself into his hand, stroking languidly as you shift beneath where he’s knelt himself over you on the bed. Fingers slipping down your thigh, he drags you a little closer, kissing the inside of your knee. You suck in a breath as he pushes himself along your core, spreading your wetness along his length, all the while with a heated look swirling in his dark eyes. When he finally positions himself against your entrance, your mouth falls open, sucking in a soft breath at the feeling of his familiar stretch, but it’s his words that set you on fire, “Now that’s a sight I’d like a picture of.”

It’s an off-handed comment, but now you can’t stop thinking about it. Drowning in the feeling of the slow, steady pace he sets, the idea has time to marinate in the back of your scrambled mind.

You’re reaching for him, brushing your fingertips against his abdomen as you moan his name, but Steve huffs, “Touch yourself,” as he drives his hips into yours once again.

Blinking up at him, you’re struck by the idea of how he would look if you took a picture of him at this very moment, and that thought is perhaps what sets the most foolish words on your tongue, “The camera— Get the camera.”

His hips stutter, and a choked sound comes from him, before he manages to form a sentence, “Are you serious?”

“Just for you,” you nod, and he abandons his grip on your thigh to reach for the polaroid that had wound up against the pillows.

His pace almost stills until he can get the camera in a good enough grip to lift it to his face, and that’s when his thrusts return in long, languid strokes that have you writhing beneath him with the assistance of your fingers pressing circles at your clit, “God, look at you.” His voice is heavy, wrapped around a moan of his own as he presses a hand down against your stomach, pushing your hips down onto his cock in a way that almost makes you cry out, “These are gonna’ turn out great.”

There’s a certain vulnerability to being in front of a camera, and stripped as bare as you were already, you’re practically raw, rubbed against him when the flash bursts upon your skin, camera shutter mixing with your moans as he fucks you slow into the mattress, “Steve, ah—!”

He abandons your stomach to take the photo that slips from the camera, fanning it until it develops enough for him to see the still image resulting from his touch, “Oh, look at how pretty you are.” He holds it out for you to see, but you barely manage a glimpse at yourself before he’s tossing the picture to the side, bringing the camera back up to his eyes.

“You’re— taking another?” you gasp, arching up into your own touch as he hits you deeper with the next roll of his hips.

“Yeah, that’s right. Just a few more—” Steve groans reaching to slip his hand down your thigh, pushing you open even more, “Can you spread your legs a little more— yeah, just like that—” and the shutter’s going off again, the image of you burned into the film as much as it will be in his memory.

You clench around him when the photograph falls onto your chest before he can reach for it, and you hope you’ll never forget the whimper that escapes him when he lowers the camera just slightly. A glimpse of teeth digging into his bottom lip to keep the sounds threatening to spill from him at bay, when he opens his eyes from the feeling, he sees you watching him in a way that seems to spell out your desire in every way words seem incapable of accomplishing right now.

All you can manage are your own sighs of pleasure, when his fingertips overlap yours to press into your clit. Lowering the camera to the bed, he refocuses on turning you into molten lava with every steady, sure stroke, building up the pleasure until it reached a boiling point. Lost somewhere between overstimulation and the peak of your desire, you’re both chasing this feeling and trying to draw it out for as long as it will last.

Your mouth is dry, so you lick your lips, thankful you’re able to think just barely enough to say, “I-It’s not fair. I won’t have any pictures of you.”

“You want some of me?” Steve repeats, as if he didn’t quite hear you right. For all he knows, he hallucinated it at this point, because he’s nearly out of his mind with how good you feel wrapped around him.

“I do,” you shift, using all the energy you have left to push him over, until you’re sitting on top of him. “It’s only fair.” Grinding your hips down into his, his hands catch against your thighs, aiding in your attempt at riding him with just a torturous pace as he had set. 

“Oh— Okay,” his head falls back against the bed as he moans, “Yeah— We gotta’ be fair.”

The camera’s in your hands as soon as you can reach for it, but you��re slower than he was. So lost in the feeling that it takes you more time to drag your mind back to the task at hand, until his lips part when you drop your hips down onto him a little quicker than before.

That’s the one.

The snap of the camera seems to only make him rock himself further into your thrusts, and you wind up quite pleased with the way your picture turned out, “Steve, look—” He squeezes your thighs before one of his hands releases you in favor of taking the picture by his index and middle finger, bringing it up to his face.

“Oh, fuck,” he whines at the sight, and you place your hand on his chest in order to get enough leverage to drag yourself almost completely off his cock, just to drop your hips again, and he nearly shouts at the feeling. You’re both shaking, and it shows in the next picture you take of him, but the blurriness is hardly obstructing the view of him, still looking at the photo you’d snapped moments before it.

He falls apart just seconds before you do, fingers digging into the flesh of your thigh as the photograph falls from his grip. Fingers carding through his own hair as you ride him through the brunt of it, desperately chasing your own pleasure at this point, until it detonates with the fullness that comes from his shuddering release.

Steve’s weak call of your name falls on deaf ears as you nearly collapse atop him. Shivering white-hot pleasure down your spine until it settles in the involuntary fluttering of your core around him. He supplies a few overstimulated, shallow thrusts as his arms wrap around you, holding you to him for dear life, until you both manage to float down from the devastation you’ve reaped upon each other.

You’re just glad you didn’t drop the camera, because you would hate to have broken it.

Instead, it lays against the mattress much like the rest of you, though you don’t think you’ll ever be able to use it again without thinking back to this moment. Steve’s fingers trace up your spine, as you feel him slowly beginning to even out his breathing beneath your chest.

“Holy shit,” he murmurs into your ear, and you giggle against him.

“Yeah…” moving off of him, you collapse into the bed, careful to avoid any stray polaroid pictures evidencing your love-making that were strewn along the bed.

Steve tilts his head to look at you, chuckling, “I think I should get a video camera for your next birthday—”

“Shut up.”

[sylvies-kablooie]

tbh, i think the whole thought process behind how sylvie is written is that she is not attached to loki and her happiness doesn't at all depend on him in any way.

was their connection deep? did he impact her? "shatter" her world even? yes. this is why she is so angry at him. bc in her mind, he had betrayed her.

but he doesn't take up much more space in her mind. she goes on to live her life just fine without him at the end of both seasons.

loki is a different story, he is obsessed with her to the point of doing something completely "out of character" and being ready to sacrifice everything for her.

i personally love how "unequal" their relationship is in this way, but i understand that it's not the majority of shippers' cup of tea kind of dynamic.

this is an interesting interpretation! i enjoy getting to hear people's differing takes on their dynamic, so this was a fun read. and hey if unrequited is your trope then all the more power to you. you're braver than me, that's for sure.

i haven't rewatched s2 (and tbh idk if i ever will- it just didn't do it for me the way i wanted it to) but the consensus that "loki fell first and harder" def seems supported by s1 and enhanced by s2. which i think made it all the more shocking when she kisses him first. i love that little detail.

i have a different take, which is informed by episode 5- particularly the bar scene contrasted with the record shop scene. she tells him to go and live his life and move on, then immediately goes to a record shop, tells the man at the counter she had a bad day, and then cries to the velvet underground (it looked like crying, also possible she was just laying there and basking it all in, which is just as compelling in my opinion).

to me that read as someone who is trying so hard to place their feelings in a convenient little box and ignore them and then running away when it doesn't work.

sylvie doesn't strike me as someone who can sit still, especially not after living through a million apocalypses and trying to ensure her survival. and while getting a job in oklahoma might not be the same frantic pace she's used to, i do think she threw herself into it (employee of the month placard i'm looking at you!) so she has a new life, a new job, time to do things like go to the bar and get a haircut and listen to music and do everything possible to just. not. process. the annoying feelings that the citadel situation brings up. just keep moving! just don't think about it! and so when loki rolls up at her work, she tries to push him away, tell him he's the last thing she wants to deal with, get him to leave. the tone in the bar scene felt like that to me as well. like she's saying just leave me so i can stop thinking about this.

of course, loki does not want to leave her- it's just that for some reason he is physically incapable of talking about anything but the TVA, who ruined her life and she justifiably wants nothing to do with hearing about how great they actually are. he is pretty skilled at killing the mood. (i take great pleasure in rewrite fics that make a show of addressing this)

am i blinded by shipping goggles and my own projection onto her? it's possible! but to me it read as someone in denial. when we hear sylvie talk about her love life on the train in s1 (a scene i LOVE because it seems so out of left field for her) we get a very clear sense she has no idea what she is doing when it comes to romance (and then flat out says so during the blanket scene). her experience with romance hasn't been anything real, to the point where i hesitate to even use the term "romance"- just centuries of numbing herself by staying busy with a fling. she is like a shark that will just collapse if she stops moving. which we get to see her do in the record store!

that's just how i read it though! your read on it is just as valid and i like hearing all of the different takes. i am by no means trying to persuade you to join my pining sylvie agenda, just using this blog as a means of idea exchange. which i love doing. seriously it's so fun.

[let-me-be-or-perish]

there is no denial in the fact that reading is a frorm of excapism, but till what point of escapism it can reach?

many would say that we should separate the art from the artist but it actually possibe?

i personally think not, if an author is alive this separation cannot be done. authorts, no matter how high the fantasy is, still put a lot of their ideologies and moralities in their works, that can be seen both as a good but as a bad thing too. and this is a fact that cannot be changed.

in my previous post i talked about sjm, that i do actually do not support, (i borrowed her books, out of curiosity, it should have remained that, a curiosity) but i wanted to put out what i thought, becuse there are things that need to be said.

no author is untouchable.

and well, if you felt offended by that, then i guess this is more of a you problem, i truly do not care. (so i will erase your comment. this is my space, i write what i want)

not only for her writing, but for her ideologies, that are so datated and wrong, and a more recent thing (not so recent, but for recent events, is better to put it out again) she's a z*ionist so if there is not a major reason for you to stop supporting her i guess you should think more about yourself. (if you wnat to know more about other authors to not support becuse of this belief of them, this creator as a whole thread)

not caring who the author is, where they come from and their ideology is wrong, people say that they read for escapism, and is it really then if for this escapism others get harmed from it?

those authorts, who are alive, breath and live like us, use the money of those who support them to contribute in the perpetuation in harming those, who differently from us, a lot of times do not even posses a way of escapism.

and in their writing there could be the continue use of harmful sterotypes and ideologies, that are actually really easy to fix, but again it falls in the question: do they really want to improve of they add diversity not becuse they mean it, and because well, those are fantasy book, so there the diversity should be the fondation, but only to chek them out and say that they did; nor becuase they mean it and it's needed but only to make count.

i am so tired of those authors who does the bare minimun and get so much praises; beause then, they are those who create standards, and becuse their works are mediocre, the works that are not, are not understood, dimmed down and ignored.

beacuse now, everyone only care about smut, tropes, finding the next "book boyfriend"

making every fmc bland and "not like other girls", with no goals, no depth, no reasoning whatoever, only becuase she need to be a lent used to make the readers fall for the mmc, or so called "book boyfriends"

and those book boyriends, are really something. every single one of them is the same, whether is it for appearance or perosnality, becuse they do not actually posses any, so there is not raelly much to work with

tropes do not make books, they are only part of them, you cannot bulid a book around them, coming naturally as you write.

we lost the charcaters a, the plot and the world (in case of it being a fantasy) beacuse of this.

an easy exemple coud be that now the enemies to lovers are no more enemies to lovers, becuse not possessing personalities the whole enemy part is not a thing, but so is the romance; and there is no natual mutation from enemies to lovers.

beacuse they are solely sexually attracted to one another, they do not exchange any dialogue that would make the other try to understand the others point of view. this is again because not possessing a personality is impossible to archive.

because talking, require a personality, likes, dislkes, flaws , goals and interests.

smut, is not essential to validate a relationship, and if you think so, then read erotica, this genera exist for this purpose.

so asking under every single post, of every single book if there is smut in it, it's out of place; especially if those books are YA.

romance and smut should not be required to make a book worth reading; they should not be seen as the standard to pick up a book.

because of it i feel that many people lost the chance to find books that they woud absolutely love.

and this whole obession with smut, as made many women miserable, how can you as a grown adult thirst like that? they're fictional yes, but going under post of men, at times minors too, and acting like horny teenagers, is really disgusting.

many women hate how man thirst over them and are extremly persistant in sexualluy assulting them, but this thing they do is not much different from what those men do to them.

so how can you hate on soemone and than turn around and do the exact same thing?

this not only for that, even in books, men are extreamly sexualised to the point of being revolting. if it was a female charater described like that by a guy everyone would lose it, but since it's not, well i guess it's fine, isn't it?

then, the rapresentation of this relationships, borderline abusive. this is not soemething to aim for, not something to want and wish to have.

and using the excuse of it being a dark romance is ridiculous, they are dark romances for the themes not becuse the fmc is constantly in the hand of abuse and abusers. the mmc shouldn't be the one to casue those harms, he should be the one to help them go through those things, the one they relay on.

i wish writers would actually love the work they do, putting actual effort in it, and not only doing it for the money; of course, money are part of it, but not all.

writing is an art, and as one it requires time and passion.

and i wish readers could do better, becuse those are not only books.

[melodramamatic]

This started as a multiple rambling drafts exploring my likes and dislikes about MDZS/Untamed characters as they are most often characterized in fandom, and I think I cracked the code here. I like the grumpy responsible ones and pretty much nobody else. In this essay, I will explain why. (For clarity, the vast majority of what I'm discussing here relates to how the characters are portrayed in the fandom. There's a lot of context and complexity and variation in canon that I really don't want to try and get into. I'll stick to the tip of the iceberg thanks.)

My favorite tired grumpy ones: Jiang Cheng, Lan Qiren, Nie Mingjue; you could get a coffee with any of them, bitch about work, and they'd get it. They have responsibilities they didn't ask for, but do their absolute best anyway. Because its not just them who goes down if they don't. They are tired, but they can't stop, they have people depending on them. They aren't nice about it, they don't have time for nice, nice doesn't run your sect. They don't like the petty politics and socializing involved with being in charge, they don't seem to like the power or the perks. They consistently give up or don't get things that would make them happy, because they're more committed to their responsibilities. (I could maybe add Wen Qing to this list, but she's more complicated given her complicity in Bad Things - while her family was being threatened, to be fair - and the fact that we see very little of what she wants as an individual. Though it's implied she would have married JC if he could have protected more than just her, but the Jiang weren't strong enough for that and both of them knew it. See later rant about the treatment of women in canon.)

Jiang Yanli and Lan Xichen are supposed to be the nice, likeable ones and I don't think I could handle more than small talk with them. They spend too much time keeping the peace and wanting everyone to get along and trying to pacify everyone as if that's the same as getting people to cooperate with each other. (Wen Ning could maybe be thrown in here, but it's implied the dude was bottling it up so intensely it was literally the reason Wei Wuxian was able to turn him into the most powerful (and conscious) resentful-energy zombie. Full Respect.) I don't like fighting either, but I'm allowed to not like things. I am allowed to have any opinion I want so long as I'm not hurting anyone else with it (I hate that I have to specify here, the difference between having an opinion and being a prejudiced asshole. You know the difference, and I know you know the difference. If someone is claiming homophobia, transphobia, racisim, etc is 'having a different opinion' they're in denial about being a dick and trying to hide it behind polite language). Which means I don't have to get along with every person I meet. It's easier to try and get along with the people I deal with regularly, that's just being professional, but I'm not turning step-ford smiler. I refuse. I can work with someone I personally disagree with and dislike, but anyone who tries to make me like them or spend time with them recreationally is being controlling. Also, I don't remember Jiang Yanli expressing goals or opinions that didn't relate to her being a sister or future-wife, and that's definitely a failure of the narrative and it's tendency to not really value women except in relation to the men around them.

(I get it, none of the women are the main characters and everything mostly revolves around the POV of the main characters. But. If they're there at all, they're there for the benefit of one of the men in the room. Even Mianmian is there to prove Jin Zixuan is not as much of an asshole as he comes off as, because she's willing to spend time with him and we see her later show she wouldn't put up with the rest of the Jin. Wen Qing is there to prove some of the Wen aren't bad and to be guilted by a charismatic young genius into performing experimental surgery to 'fix' his nonconsenting, traumatized, unconscious foster brother. My opinions on that surgery are only partially relevant to this conversation, but I will happily scream about that later.)

Feel free to yell at me for the next bit, but remember everyone can have any opinion they like. Disagreeing makes more interesting conversation than agreeing on everything.

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wanji drive me up the wall. I could not deal with them as a couple or as individuals. Neither of them are bad people and I want to say that now, on the record, before I make very general statements about them to avoid being here all night nitpicking. So. On the record. I like the narrative of the villainized man who did what he had to, finally getting his happily ever after with someone who never stopped believing in him, and that belief fully paying off with a reveal of the actual villain. That said, onto why I don't vibe with them.

As a couple, it's like the rest of the world doesn't matter so long as they're happy with each other. Life doesn't work that way. We live in communities, and we have responsibilities to those communities, even if those responsibilities are as simple as putting the cart back at the grocery store. (I am 110% judging you if you don't. Just walk it back to the cart return, and don't be an asshole.) But once these two get together, it's like everyone else can fuck off. It's fine to be a happy couple. It's great. But if someone you claim as family has just had something traumatic happen to them, you should check on them. Not just on your partner, for whom the experience was arguably less traumatic. (Not trying to measure trauma here, but Lan Wanji and Wei Wuxian were not emotionally invested in Jin Guangyao as a person and his entire betrayal reveal wasn't going to be nearly as upsetting for them as it was to his nephew, the person he co-parented said nephew with, and the person arguably responsible for supporting him through his rise to power.) Also, it isn't healthy to have your only close personal relationship be your partner. Friends are good and important. Canon and immediate post canon has them isolated for plot reasons, and then in a honeymoon phase, but I see them as having an uphill battle for any sort of social ties. The Juniors don't count. Cross-generational friendships are great, but the context of this (and I'm missing a lot of the historical/cultural stuff) puts Wei Wuxian and Lan Wanji as too much above them in a social hierarchy to be proper equals. Even if Wei Wuxian tends to disregard social norms, the Juniors are expected to defer to and honor him as their elder and as someone who can teach them.

As an individual, Wei Wuxian is inconsiderate and self-absorbed. To me, as a modern western audience member missing a fuck ton of the historical context and linguistic subtext of the story, he still comes off as someone who casually disregards rules, boundaries, and other people's opinions, and gets away with it all the time. If someone I wasn't very close friends with was that touchy-feely with me without permission, I would avoid them like the plague, and that's in a modern American context. He's got MCU Tony Stark characterization problems. He's a charismatic genius with wealth(y connections) who continually gets away with behavior other people wouldn't even consider (except for Madame Yu, who gives him his Complicated Childhood badge) and creates horrifying weapons of warfare that everyone wants on their side until they want him dead because he won't do what they want. Also he's a poor little meow meow who sacrifices himself for people and is misunderstood by the public.

He gets treated like he never had any agency, and none of it was his fault or choice, which would remove the significance of his sacrifices and all the genius work he put in to create the most terrifying and cultural-taboo-breaking method of fighting anyone ever used. I know I didn't get the cultural taboo of using the dead to fight at first, but I've seen explanations that compared it to the horror of finding out a modern person was mutilating babies. We're talking beyond the horror of cannibalism, which is understandable in a survival situation. This is a guy who was pushed to the edge and chose to do awful things instead of die. Understandable, but horrifying. The rest of the cultivation community had good reasons to be afraid of him after the fact, especially since he was rather publicly downward spiraling with PTSD and alcoholism.

But I could tolerate all that, if he ever once made progress toward considering how he affects anyone except Lan Wanji. Yeah, he and the Wen Remnants die very horribly and unjustifiably because of outside manipulation. But Wei Wuxian gets to swan off into the sunset with his man, an anonymous face, and a restored reputation. He tells Jiang Cheng, who just found out Wei Wuxian orchestrated an extremely violating nonconsensual surgery that affects him more than physically and spiritually and had his co-parent nearly murder his nephew, that it's all water under the bridge and they should start over. Jin Ling just lived through finding out one of his uncles was a murderous powerhungry villain responsible for the death of his parents, murdered his baby cousin (the man's own son!!) as an toddler, and nearly slit his throat like ten minutes ago. Lan Xichen (his lover's brother!) just found out his closest confidant killed his other closest confidant/childhood friend and was a murderous powerhungry villain, and that said murdered confidant's helpless baby brother had actually turned himself into a master manipulator for revenge, and was manipulated into killing said confidant/murderous powerhungry villian. Doesn't even seem to check on Wen Ning, the poor guy who's been used a puppet on both sides and just had his zombified corpse mutilated protecting Wei Wuxian's interests. But no, total focus on his happily ever after with his husband.

Onto Lan Wanji, he's a petty asshole and I could almost respect him for it, if he wasn't also completely incapable of communicating and a hypocrite. If the man had just had an actual conversation with his crush, or even expressed concern for Wei Wuxian in words, the whole downward spiral after the war culminating in a faked defection from Yunmeng and the Wen Remnants situation would have gone very differently. (I know you need conflict for a story, but I hate when the conflict is miscommunication based. Any story that could be completely derailed by two people having a five minute conversation that could have easily happened in canon makes me want to scream.) This man also spends years projecting his anger at himself for not sticking up for Wei Wuxian onto Jiang Cheng (who had a lot of intense political reasons that he couldn't do more), without a hint that he has the self-awareness to recognize why. He also spends years believing all the worst rumors about Jiang Cheng and Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian's relationship despite his whole thing being he loves Wei Wuxian and knows in his heart the man was never as terrible as he was portrayed. Is there not a hint of irony here?? How much faith and value he places on a person directly correlates to his personal relationship with them. And the narrative puts this man in charge of the cultivation community at the end??? As if he's not going to immediately show favoritism to anyone who hasn't been hostile to Wei Wuxian and be intensely petty to everyone he doesn't personally like?

He hides behind being an upstanding person as if he's entirely altruistic. His whole 'being where the chaos is' rep is because he's spent the timeskip trying to atone for not saving Wei Wuxian and desperately hoping to find Wei Wuxian. (As if Jiang Cheng hunting demonic cultivators wasn't the same thing with opposite PR.) He'll follow the Lan rules and enforce them for everyone but Wei Wuxian. As someone who has to work to understand social situations, the Lan rules provide a nice structure when you're with the Lan. A 'when in Rome' with an actual list. That said, their insistence that stripping away any passion, individuality, or general enjoyment from life will bring some sort of moral superiority is incredibly conceited. Especially when they basically admit its only enforceable in Gusu, unless you piss off one of the powerful Lan. Also guaranteed to create a culture where people learn to hide anything not the norm and/or experience internalized guilt for not conforming. What are they, catholic?

I can appreciate Lan Wanji's internal struggle to actually go after what he loves, especially in that social context. But he seems to have decided he's the only one wise enough to understand when the rules should and should not be followed. He still judges everyone (not named Wei Ying) for not living up to his standards without seeming to realize those standards are fundementally impossible (for everyone not name Wei Ying, who can be forgiven all things). He puts Wei Wuxian on a sort of impossible pedestal that does not bode well for a relationship with an actual person, instead of the idea of that person.

Anyway, the fanfic in this fandom that I like, either doesn't involve this couple more than superficially, or has them working and overcoming these issues and rebuilding relationships with other characters.

I'm so tired.

[inferablossom]

2, 18, 25 for Kyoko from PMMM and 1, 7, 23 for Mikoto from Milgram!!!

Kyoko

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

Hm, I think I'd have to say it's the way she contrasts with Sayaka, tests her ideals, and calls out the dangers in the self-destructive edge to Sayaka's selflessness.

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

Hm, I don't know if admire is the right word, but again, her relationship with Sayaka is probably the most interesting to me in how they contrast each other, seeming to represent extremes of selfishness and selflessness that, under more peaceful circumstances, could balance each other out, and how it's revealed that a lot of her anger at Sayaka comes from recognizing in her the same ideals of heroism and kindness she used to have which come more towards the surface of Kyoko again as she interacts with Sayaka.

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

Hm, I think Madoka Magica probably wasn't the first thing I saw to be more than it appeared, but even if it was, but the time Kyoko showed up I probably knew better than to trust appearances, so her having some element of kindness deep down wasn't a shock. At least I don't think so, it was a while back.

Her being more or less ex-Catholic was a surprise though. That element definitely made me connect to and feel for her more, with her shitty dad (even if she doesn't seem to realize how bad he was).

Mikoto

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

Ok, to start off, I know that some people use the tag Mikoto for the whole system, but I only use that for the first alter we as the audience met, the only member of the system to directly refers to himself that way.

With that said, my feelings on this character are complicated. I was at first excited at the theories of him being part of a system, and then when MeMe came out was disappointed and afraid they were going with a harmful and negative stereotype for the system (albeit more from who we now know as John than him), and then tentatively hopeful in trial 2 and relieved upon the release of Double that they seemed to be on to something or had potential to be after all.

Even so, I still feel somewhat conflicted on him. I do like a lot about him and find him relatable, in how adaptable he is and how he's learned to play the social games a bit as a form of self-preservation, and his anxieties and fears of being hated or rejected. Though the way his behavior effects John frustrates me a lot... Mainly because I see a lot of my own flaws in him when I was first learning about being a system. His denial, hesitation, and fear that lead him to demonizing and pushing away John even when he's trying to help due to how society makes people feel like those with multiple personalities are somehow "crazy" or "dangerous", and how he keeps on overworking himself and pushing down his emotions without actually solving the problem causing them, leaving John to deal with all the stress and making John only more worried over him... It feels familiar in a bad way. I don't like remembering times where I didn't handle being a system well or treat others in my system the way I should, even if I know it's realistic and probably a pretty common experience in this world that so negatively stigmatizes DID to the point a lot of people either fear that someone with a system might have a "dangerous alter" or just think the condition as a whole doesn't exist. Ultimately I probably like Mikoto more than I dislike him, but those aspects definitely do make me feel frustrated.

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

Well, while seeing the fandom react to this character and his representation as part of a system was definitely... A process, for sure, but I do appreciate that overall the majority of the fandom does seem to be making an earnest effort to respect real-life systems and hear them out, even if how they went about that has changed over time and it looks different ways depending on different perspectives.

23. Favorite picture of this character?

I didn't really have something already in mind so I had to go looking around a bit. I'm also not sure if you meant canon art or fan art, but I decided to go with the former for this. I think the art for Milgram got a lot better overall in trial 2, but due to how things happened I'd consider a lot the more elaborate art to be focusing more on John (as is only fair for his turn in the sun), but I think this frame of Double speaks to me and pulls at the heartstrings.

He just looks so tired, and like, I get it.

[ybyag-lil]

I just... LOVE Sunshrine as a ship and have my delusions and HC's about it and I needed to put these thoughts out on WHY I like them so much somewhere other than in my fics or else I'm literally going to explode, so—

Annoyed x Annoyance. Need I say more?

I will.

If we're talking purely potential ship dynamics, we have:

Flirty x oblivious, Denial/Dense, Sunshine x Sunshine protector, stoic vs pain in the ass, optimist vs pessimist, "why me?" "why not you?", Insecure vs showers them in love.

Sun and Moon/Day and Night yadda yadda y'know the drill

Complementary colors (orange/blue) that you can correlate with their difference in personality.

But I hate reducing them to basic opposites attract and other dynamics bec they're NOT completely opposite - they actually have a lot in common!

"Two sides of the same coin" is how I'd actually describe them.

They're both trying to find their own way in life, and the paths they're taking are so fundamentally different than what has come before them.

Their voice-lines about it. Love to read into those

("I'll walk a different path this time." "I'll find my own path." "The path shapes you." "That's the path you've found?")

Potential for shared isolation issues and fear of abandonment!!!!

I feel like Kiriko's life suddenly shifting one day when Sojiro was killed and her proceeding to lose a bunch of people she held near and dear (not even counting Kanezaka itself facing major power and societal shifts) is not talked about enough. The only real personal connections she knows she has left are:

Her mom, who is forced into inaction and can't move to help liberate Kanezaka or save-

Her dad, who is currently Hashimoto's leverage/hostage and she doesn't even know for sure is still alive rn bc she hasn't seen him.

and Hanzo, which, there's a load of angst there HC and actually in-game wise for her connection with both him and Genji that would be a while 'nother conversation. I don't know if Kiriko even knows Genji's still alive, actually? More issues!

Illari's pretty self explanatory with that isolation/abandonment point. That girl's riding the, "I don't need anyone else (because I'll only end up hurting them)" train so hard. So much so that she doesn't even really feel comfortable showing any positive emotions to people around her (cheer/hello/chuckle animations anyone?).

Kiriko/Illari are both "chosen".

That one's kinda out there tbh, but my logic behind it is that Illari is already notably special. She's prodigy that was quickly predicted to be the GREATEST fucking Inti warrior of her time, whose power was so great that she turned every single other Inti warrior to ashes unintentionally.

(which, by the way, is insane if we assume the augmentations have to give you some sort of resistance to solar power to be able to wield it in the first place?)

Kiriko is where I start playing fast and loose. I'd argue her having the power of the Kitsune (which is not fucking science idc what lore comes in the future, magic exists in this fucking universe!) to such an extent makes her chosen in her own way. Like I'm assuming the teleporting around, the self healing like, and everything else is not a standard affair but no-one talks about the Shimada FAMILY being able to summon dragons so. Maybe that's just the standard in Japan.

On that note — they also both have a responsibility to their people which sort of parallel each other.

Kiriko has happily taken up the mantle of a vigilante to protect the people of Kanezaka, and, as far as we know, she has no qualms about doing it. Her way of doing things is different to how her family served/protected for generations in the past, but she still upholds the duty like it's second nature.

Pure conjecture, but I don't think Kiriko's ever felt forced to do it either. There was never a, "you must protect the town!" talk or anything like that from her grandmother/mom, she's doing it because it feels right to do.

Illari, conversely was always told she had a responsibility to her people. If you read between the lines of her lore blurb on her OW2 page and listen to what she says in her origin video, you get the sense that it was a sort of... burden? Heavy is the head that wears the crown and all that.

I compare it to the "gifted-kid burnout" precisely because of this. Illari has always been molded to follow one path, a rigorous one she didn't really have a choice BUT to follow. You're told at a young age that you are special, that there's no-one else like you, that you will grow to become a legend. How could you even begin to refuse that?

You don't. And when it all starts to fall apart, you start to wonder what's wrong with yourself. Illari has lived a life dedicated to serving, and now there's no-one left but her.

She def has some self worth/esteem issues stemming from having to be this prodigal kid essentially groomed (not that way) her whole childhood to be strong and nothing else. Couple that with an overwhelming feeling of regret for failing to uphold her duty as a protector and you have someone who is just completely lost - direction AND sense of self wise.

And I think Kiriko could help with that. Say what you want about her, but you can't deny that Kiri is strong. Imagine Illari meeting her and realizing that for herself. That despite how careless and foolish Illari thinks Kiriko is, she somehow still manages to protect her people as her duty.

Imagine her realizing that she's been taught a lie her whole life, that she doesn't have to just be Illari, the strongest Inti warrior, she can also just be Illari - the scared 18yr old trying to find a new purpose in life after that choice was stolen from her.

Like Zen says to her, "true strength comes to those who accept their weaknesses". Illari's gotta learn that she can't just be strong, she has to learn to balance these aspects of herself.

and who has played a balancing act between conflicting ideals before? Who has carved her own path out of what she's known? Kiriko.

Ahem, back to a few more hehe haha shipping things

They're both pretty capable as fighters, and both trained since they were kids. They're both probably very disciplined because of it.

(I was going to say "though Kiriko is reckless despite that" but I refuse to believe Illari isn't equally as reckless.)

They're both very petty, check out those revenge voice lines—

("Forgive and forget? Nah..." and, "Forgiveness? Never heard of it." Are two examples LOL)

They're both smart assess. Kiriko is Kiriko so that one's obvious, and I'm looking at your Hanzo/Soldier/Sombra/Ana start up interactions, AND your sassy ass "I didn't do it for you," ally save voice line, Illari.

THEY'RE LITERALLY SPRING - SUN ILLARI, BREEZE/WHATEVER TF ELSE KIRIKO

And the two most important things....

They're just cute. Like seriously look at these little idiots, I love them both dearly.

And it's kind of a funny ship. I'm a firm believer that you don't need a reason to ship two characters, and Kiriko and Illari liking each other can lead into some hilarious ass dynamics, so why not?

Anyways, finished with my brainrot spew. If you've made it this far, check out my AO3 where I will be brainrotting even further in the future. Might post some dumb shitposts here about these two from time to time.

Illari and Kiriko's voice line pages for the things I quote.

(some of this, particularly parts regarding Kiriko, might be incorrect bec I haven't read a single lore comic and am going of things I can vaguely remember hearing about.)

[ukrfeminism]

A nurse has described her eight years of hell as she fought the NHS over its failure to properly investigate claims she was sexually harassed by a colleague.

Michelle Russell, who has 30 years of experience, first raised allegations of sexual harassment by a male nurse to managers at the mental health unit where she worked in London in 2015.

Years of battling her case saw the trust’s initial investigation condemned as “catastrophically flawed” while the nursing watchdog, the Nursing Midwifery Council (NMC), apologised for taking so long to review her complaint and referred itself to its own regulator over the matter.

With the case still unresolved, Ms Russell will see her career in the NHS end this week after she was not offered any further contract work.

Speaking to The Independent she said: “If I’m going to lose my job, I want other nurses to know that this is what happens when you raise a concern. I want the public to know this is what happens to us in the NHS when we are trying to protect the public.

“I have an unblemished career. They’re crying out for nurses. I’ve dedicated my life to the NHS. I haven’t done anything wrong.”

Former Labour health minister Ann Keen condemned the way in which Ms Russell had been treated: “This can’t be right. How is this happening?

“Pillars of society, letting not just one nurse down, but also potentially [failing] public safety. How, again, has it been demonstrated, that the NHS is not taking sexual abuse seriously?”

Roger Kline, who has led several major cultural reviews for the NHS, said: “It’s one of the worst cases I’ve seen where discrimination has been met with denial, avoidance and retaliation.

“Instead of dealing with allegations the trust brutally turned on her. This is not remotely how we should deal with allegations of sexual harassment made by competent experienced professionals. It has disgracefully ended Michelle’s nursing career.”

It shows “the general inability of the NHS to deal with sexual harassment until very recently. It is a scandal,” he added.

New figures show that the NMC is facing a growing backlog of 5,711 cases in December – up from 5,463 in June.

Last year our investigation revealed claims that a “culture of fear” in the NMC was leaving rogue nurses free to abuse patients. As a result of the stories, the NMC has launched three independent probes.

Ms Russell had worked as a nurse at North East London Foundation Trust (NELFT) for 20 years. However, in 2015, after months of alleged “unwarranted” touching and “inappropriate” behaviour from another nurse, she decided to report her concerns to her manager.

A full 12 months later, the trust’s HR department told Ms Russell her allegations were not upheld. During this time, she went off sick leave and as a result of being away from clinical duties for so long was unable to work as a nurse under NMC rules.

Throughout that time, Ms Russell said: “I was treated as the accused. I was isolated from any support that I may have had. It was like I had to explain why I didn’t move [during the incident]. Describe and draw on the desk what my personal space looked like.”

Her comments come in the same week as The Independent revealed tens of thousands of allegations of sexual assault and harassment have been recorded in mental health hospitals.

Despite her setback, Ms Russell persevered, determined for her story to be heard.

Standing in the rain outside parliament in 2018, holding a sign that read “I’m a nurse who was sexually assaulted at work and I’m going to lose MY job” she had a chance encounter with the NHS’ most senior nurse Ruth May.

This encounter prompted the NHS England executive to launch an independent review into North East London Foundation Trust’s investigation which later in July 2018 found the hospital’s report was “catastrophically flawed” and that it failed to understand its own HR policy on sexual harassment.

The catastrophic flaws also included trust officials communicating directly with Royal College of Nursing Officers who were representing both Ms Russell and her accused, which was against trust policy.

It also found the actions of the trust’s investigator had a “lack of impartiality” towards the issues Ms Russell had alleged and found the handling of her complaint was so “clumsy” it led to the breakdown of relationships and undermined the possibility of the nurse returning to her job.

A third independent report, by a consultancy called Vista commissioned by NELFT, finished in 2019 and upheld Ms Russell’s allegations, finding the male nurse’s behaviour “amounted to sexual harassment” and that “some aspects could be categorised as sexual assault”.

Both reports and a suspension letter cite allegations of inappropriate behaviour by Ms Russell’s alleged harasser involving the relatives of patients, one of which was withdrawn. The NELFT said it has not received any formal reports involving families, while the NMC claimed it could not find evidence of such claims.

In a statement to The Independent, NELFT said it had accepted the findings of the investigations in full, and taken the issues raised by Ms Russell “extremely seriously” and as a result has put in place new sexual safety policies and improved its oversight and training.

It claimed it had no direct formal complaints from patients or family members over the nurse.

Ms Russell first referred the nurse to the NMC in 2016. However, a year later, she found the NMC’s screening team had closed the case “without further investigation”.

Two years later the regulator reopened the case after a determined Ms Russell travelled to its offices and refused to leave until officials looked into the NHS England review.

During the investigation, Ms Russell’s GP was forced to write to the NMC and condemned it for failing to carry out its investigation in a “trauma-informed way”, a letter seen by The Independent shows.

The NMC’s delays worsened and it was not until July 2023 – after four years – that the NMC brought a fitness to practice hearing against her alleged harasser. In that period it found two other staff members at NELFT had made allegations of inappropriate verbal comments against the same alleged harasser. 

However, Ms Russell claims the NMC failed to investigate properly as it did not submit the NHS England review and Vista reviews as evidence to the fitness to practice hearing. The regulator said it was not able to establish direct evidence for the additional patient-related concerns in the reviews.

However, the defence was able to submit extracts from the first “catastrophically flawed” review by the hospital during the hearing.

Ms Russell says she was devastated after the NMC’s panel said her allegations could not be proved. The NMC’s panel did find there was a case to answer for a less serious allegation by one of the other two staff members.

The panel said there was not enough evidence to prove her claims on the “balance of probabilities”.

Since then, the NMC has referred itself to its regulator – the Professional Standards Authority – on the basis that its independent panel’s decision in Ms Russell’s case “is not sufficient to protect the public”.

She launched an employment tribunal claim against NELFT over its failures. This claim led to a settlement agreement in September 2022 for her to move to NHS England on secondment and for her post at NELFT to be filled. Next week that secondment will come to an end.

Andrea Sutcliffe, NMC chief executive and registrar, said: “I know it’s been an extremely difficult time for Ms Russell and on behalf of the NMC, I’m sorry this case took too long. There’s no place for sexual misconduct in society, and we took the concerns Ms Russell raised with us very seriously.

“We considered the evidence carefully and decided there was a case to answer, and we made that case at a hearing. However, an independent panel decided that the charges we brought in relation to Ms Russell were not proved. Understandably that has been very distressing for Ms Russell. We’ve asked the Professional Standards Authority to review the panel’s decision.”