#she knows im not straight i came out to her as asexual back in high school | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stormyoceans · 5 months

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Monica, you often write about your bisexual ass. Is that true? May I ask how you understood that? I'm going through a metamorphosis of myself right now, and you give the impression of a person who cares, who can share experience of findingself.

hello, anon!!!!

i can confirm i am very much bisexual and that i've dated both men and women, although my actual serious relationships count amounts to a shocking number of...... two. so you know. im hardly an expert ;;;;;;;;

realizing i was bisexual was a bit.. tortuous for me, but im gonna try my best to keep it short. im also gonna put it under a read more since it's personal stuff and people may not want to see it, so if you're still interested about my personal experience you can find it under the cut!!!!!

right, so. basically i had this best friend who i had known since elementary school and we were very close and very affectionate with each others: we would cuddle and hold hands and even exchange little pecks on the lips as an hello. no one worried about it when we were kids and we never really questioned its 'normalcy', but as we grew older (around 11/12 years old) our families made it clear that that was not 'appropriate behavior', because certain things were okay to do only with boys

then high school happened and that was.. pretty much the worst period of my life ;;;;;;; my friend and i went to the same school and were in the same class, but while she was well liked and had quite a few relationships with boys, i was bullied a lot, until one day they started to refer to me as 'that lesbian', as if it were an insult. my friend started to pull away from me a little, but she would also buy me a rose for valentine's day every year and say she missed me and that no boy made her happy as i did, so i was. a bit confused ;;;;;;;; i also felt jealous of her, but i wasn't sure if it's because i wanted to be her or if i wanted her to just be with me

and you know, i was already deep into fandom spaces at the time, but it was also very different back then: there wasn't a lot of genuine queer representation (brokeback mountain came out when i was 15 and the only other queer relationship depicted on screen at the time was tara and willow from buffy the vampire slayer), shitting on female characters was considered 'cool', and you could find essays on how liking yaoi and being interested in MLM was 'completely normal because those stories are made exclusively by straight women for other straight women' (which is why i now hate this mentality but that's a whole different matter)

ANYWAY. after high school, my friend and i grew apart, then i met a guy in university who i REALLY liked, who shared my same interests and gave me back a little of self-confidence, and we dated for almost two years. then one day my friend contacted me out of nowhere to catch up and when we met she confessed that she had always liked me, and when she kissed me i didn't stop her. so we got together and were in a relationship for three years before it ended (badly), but the important thing here is that i was in my 20s at that point, and queer representation and awareness had started to slowly get better, especially in fandom spaces where there wasn't just heterosexuality and homosexuality anymore, but people were starting to talk about bisexuality and asexuality and gender identities too, so reading about all of that kinda did the trick for me. it's when i looked back and realized that there was a reason why i was obsessed with both sailor moon and dragon ball as a kid, and that i did indeed have a crush on harrison ford as han solo in star wars and heath ledger in a knight's tale but also on keira knightley as elizabeth swann in pirates of the caribbean and katie mcgrath as morgana in merlin. it wasn't an either/or situation, i liked both and that was who i was

okay so this still ended up being long as hell ;;;;;;; and im not sure reading any of this was actually helpful, or if im even the best person to talk to about this, but i do wanna say something that i find to be true for my experience, which is: i feel like a lot of people think about bisexuality as a.. perfect balanced proportion, for lack of a better term, like it means that you're attracted to men and women (or men and non-binary people, or women and non-binary people, etc.) in equal measure, but that's not true. you can be attracted to idk.. 9 men and 1 women, or 6 women and 2 men and 2 non-binary people, and you're still very much bisexual in all cases!!!!!!

and the thing is.. i think labels in this case are important when it comes to give you a sense of self and a sense of community, but they don't have to limit you. i also think it's completely normal to maybe feel scared and confused when reading about sexual orientations and romantic orientations and gender identities, because there are some people who just connect with a definition and know who they are right away, but there are also people who don't know if something actually applies to them or not and that's okay!!!!!!! you can take all the time you need to figure it out!!!!!!!!

and if you're not sure what to identify with, but you do know that you're not straight, then it's perfectly fine to identify as just that: not straight (i know some people are not comfortable with the term 'queer' but i personally like it because you can use it as an umbrella term with that meaning, however there's nothing wrong in simply using 'not straight')

so, um, yeah ;;;;;; again, idk if this can be helpful in any way, because figuring out about being bisexual to me was just a mix of.. liking someone and trying to be in a relationship with them and then realizing you can like both men and women and thinking 'oh that's me!!', but everyone's experience is different. i don't think i have any advice to give you, except maybe 'be open to possibilities and talk to more people to hear about as many point of view as possible', but also you were right to say that i care and if you need someone to talk to, im here for you

hope you'll find the answer you're looking for, anon, and please know im holding your hand through this journey!!!!!!

#this was probably tmi and not helpful at all but im too embarrassed to re-read it and fix it sorry ;;;;;;;#still. im glad you've reached out to me and hope you can do that to more people as well because having a support system is always good!!!!#and i really am here for you if you need a listening ear or anything #sending you a big hug and wishing you the best of days!!!!!!#💜💜💜#m: ask #m: personal

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possessionisamyth · 2 years

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things i need to unpack

-the gender thing

I remember bringing up the possibility of talking T to a sister in university to which she immediately dissauded me saying i didn't need it and shouldn't do that, no idea what her intentions were or if she was trying to be supportive but i guilted that idea out of me by doing research and convincing myself its not worth the effort, i still dont know if i think its worth the effort or not, but i do need to sort through this

i also remember discovering the term androgynous and running with it only for a group of well meaning friends to further prod me on the definition as if that weren't enough (this was during the time where a bunch of lgbt terms were being brought back into the normal language while others where being created) so I don't blame them but it did kinda make me hate labels if mentioning one meant id be asked to constantly elaborate

-the sexuality thing

I floated between a lot of labels as i was learning them, the first one being bisexual since in highschool there was only gay straight or bi, and a lot of queer online discussion changed between me graduating high school and me leaving university

did latch onto the term "demisexual" when it dropped because it felt like me, but was questioned again when trying to explain it and was told "isnt that just what everyone does?" didn't take this response as maybe they were on the same wavelength and proceeded to have the most uncomfortable and irritated relationship with the concept of asexuality ever since, resorted to sorting myself into simply having a low sex drive and maybe not having met the right person yet, didn't help that the people i was dating or interested in at the time were all some level of shitty or uncommunicative sometimes with the bonus of expectations on me I couldn't meet

realizing now that ive guilted myself out of the idea and it just mixed in with my weird and fluctuating relationship with my body making me feel justified for being a dick

-other thoughts

Also realizing now my people pleasing habits, desire to not be a burden on anyone, and letting my own feelings be ignored or bottled up for the sake of other people's comforts did just as much hindrance for my personal journey as learning all the new information helped said journey

i lashed out at people i shouldn't have, over stepped boundaries i didn't comprehend, and came off all wrong when i was learning to set my own boundaries and trying to hate myself less, there were a lot of pivots trying to curb that self hatred, some better than others, others that resulted in me having to navigate around these coping methods i no longer need and no longer help me

I think i do have a lot of unspoken anxiety about whether im allowed to be angry or sad or upset about myself and my relationships because there have been many times where i try to voice those feelings and I'm told I shouldn't respond that way, and ive unfortunately done the same to others, and i think i do need to let myself sit in my bad moods so i can actually process them instead of trying to constantly shove it to the back of my mind and pretend it isnt there

and i can recognize ive said things that have hurt people or made them upset because of all of this shit ive listed and i cant go back and fix most of it because my running into those people are very slim and thats just the nature of life

But, i think to really sort of heal I'll need to start saying whats for me and that what i say is enough

So I think i am demisexual and androgynous nonbinary and I think if i ever want to start taking T that'll be my decision and no one elses and i still have to unpack the baggage and the guilt but i can keep moving forward, and if those labels change than thats good too and it wont be because someone else made me feel bad directly or by accident for making a decision

#aris advents #gender stuff #body stuff

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we-are-inevitable · 3 years

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HEYO!! so!!! cddm!!! ik you get a lot of asks about javid (fair), but i was wondering—are there any headcanons for the side/bg characters in cddm? (like race, albert, the other newsies in general) and what has been your favorite scene you've written so far??

I HAVE SO MANY OTHER ASKS TO ANSWER BUT I SAW THIS ONE AND CAME RUNNING

OK SO:

i'm gonna answer the last part first, and then go into headcanons!

so, my fave scene so far HAS to be the audition scene. i just,, i love it so much, and i feel like it's some of my best writing!

however, my OTHER favorite is the scene where jack comes out to kath, just for the Emotions. i'm not ecstatic about the final product and the way i worded the scene, but i feel like it's really authentic emotionally ?? and i just !! AUGH i live for jack kelly angst

MOVING ON TO HEADCANONS !! im not gonna talk about davey, jack, kath, sarah, or charlie, but they are Here In Spirit

Antonio 'Racetrack' Higgins:

pronouns: he/him ; sexuality: gay

so we know that he's dating Spot !! they've been together for a while now, at least 6 months, and they just,, click

but more onto Race by himself !! he's playing vlad, obviously, and is amazing at playing comic relief characters. it's what he Does; he loves it, and loves making people laugh !!

he's also a dancer; i imagine that he's been dancing since he was about,, five years old. used to be on competition teams, but traded the competitive dance for theatre once he got into high school

he actually met albert in dance !!

he and jack also go way back!! not that jack was in dance or anything, but Medda would often go to the dance recitals and bring Jack and Charlie (because some of her theatre kids were also in the recitals). so, jack and race met through that, and have been besties ever since !!

Sean 'Spot' Conlon:

pronouns: he/him ; sexuality: bisexual

dating race !! he's very much the Strong and Silent Type in the the relationship, but thats ok because he'd gladly let race talk for HOURS just to listen to him.

he started theatre when he was fairly young; he's been in more productions than Katherine, actually, but a lot of those were just small roles in local productions.

pretty good dancer; not the best, but he's getting there

he's very protective of his friends, which is also why he takes such a liking to davey. i feel like they'd have a solid friendship- they're both on the quieter side at first, but if given the chance to talk and develop that friendship, they'd be SO close

he sees medda as a second mother and also just like. shows up for dinner sometimes, so his relationship with jack is more like "bickering brothers who also sometimes get dairy queen together" instead of friends

Albert "Red" DaSilva:

pronouns: he/him ; sexuality: pansexual

besties with race !!

he's not an actor, though; he helps with choreography, and also works tech! it's very hectic but him and race are both medda's right hands when it comes to choreo

he's dating Smalls (sam), and their relationship is pretty new !! he's really happy with them

in his free time hes rlly into engineering (which is why he's so into tech work with the theatre), and also works on cars a lot

he just really likes getting his hands dirty !!

also he's kind of shy but he's also a HUGE flirt, which is very uh. interesting for him to deal with, but he makes do

OTHERS:

Sam "Smalls" O'Brien - she/they, bisexual, dating albert. they like skating, and play Lily in the show!

Specs (they/them, bi) and Romeo (he/him, gay) - both a package deal. best friends, both freshmen in the ensemble!

JoJo de la Guerra - he/him, straight, freshman like Specs and Romeo!! also besties with them !!

Benji "Buttons" Davenport - he/him, trans, asexual! he's a senior, good friends with Charlie, and doesn't rlly do *that* much with the theatre stuff, but he helps Charlie with his stage manager things !!

#thank u for this holy shit #newsies #racetrack higgins #spot conlon #sprace #albert dasilva #smalls #smalls newsies #specs newsies #romeo newsies #jojo newsies #jojo de la guerra #buttons newsies #newsies musical #newsies live #livesies #ask a jac !#cddm #courage don't desert me

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bunnyblooms · 4 years

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OKAY FUCKER ALL THE QUESTIONS FROM THAT ASK MEME THE LGBT ONE

1. Identity and pronouns.

I'm agenderfluid and they/them pronouns. My sexuality is aroflux and asexual.

2. How did you discover your sexuality?

Pretty much at 14 was like "idk i don't relate to everyone else i don't find celebrities hot or sex remotely something i want. If i could reproduce without sex i would. Oh. I'll just call myself asexual, like a sponge!" (Which asexual is incidentally what the creators of Spongebob were going for, fun facts. Spongebob is ace rights.)

3. Have you experienced being misgendered? How do you overcome it?

Mmmm I am constantly misgendered bc I'm nonbinary and live in a binary society and the way I compartmentalize it is basically just dressing how I want and not making an attempt to pass as anything tbh. The only time I feel misgendered is when someone knows my pronouns and doesn't use them anymore tbh. So basically. Letting go of how I want to be perceived helped. I will say tho, I refuse to come out to my dad bc he won't respect it and it'll be more painful hearing him misgender me knowing how I identify, but. That's certainly a privilege I have since I'm not transitioning. (ATM at least.)

4. Who was the first person you told? How did they react?

I technically didn't come out as ace. My ex-best friend knew bc I talked about it, but neither of us knew it was an identity. So the transition upon finding the label was virtually nonexistent and all of my friends were LGBTQ as well so it wasn't stressful or shocking. It helps that around the time I discovered the label I'd met two friends who were ace and felt the same way I did. My experience with my asexuality is definitely the model that should be the norm with the community and what we as a society should aim for.

As for my gender I'd made comments in the past that I wished I could just be genderless and it really kind of sat with me when my ex-best friend came out as trans bc I was like "Oh? You don't have to be the gender you are at birth?" Belial from Angel Sanctuary was a character that resonated with me at the time, and this was right around the time I made my ace friends. It wasn't until a year later that I discovered the nb community and one friend who was genderfluid that I decided to start trying different pronouns. And basically I came out as questioning and transitioned to nb without a formal declaration, which I also feel should be the goal for society.

I was at a con with my best friend at the time who was trans and he'd come out with my now ex-best friend while they were dating. And I was really anxious bc I felt like ppl would assume I was a transtrender and shit, and my friend said something about gender and I kind of awkwadly implied I might not identify as female and he was really great about it! He was like "If you wanna talk about it or try different pronouns you can." :D

5. Describe what it was like coming out.

I pretty much did this im question 4 hehehe.

6. If you're out, how did ppl react?

I'm not out to family, that I know of. They found my facebook which has my identity listed in my about, so I'm in limbo with them where none of us talk about it so idk if they register it as an LGBTQ thing or not.

My friends were all supportive! It helps that I have like no cishet friends lmao.

I also came out to my class on TDOV two years ago for a project where we step outside our comfort zone. I'm luckily in the social work program which has social justive built into the tenants of the profession so it was pretty positive! People still misgendered me after and were more concerned with "but i'm scared of ppl getting angry at me what should i do to talk about this with them" which. 9__9 Not surprising. But there was a mom whose kid and her kid's partner are both genderfluid and bigender so it was a good experience and I had an ally which made me comfortable in sharing it in the first place.

7. What is one question you hate ppl asking about your sexuality?

Inevitably when I say I'm ace, non-aces assume I have no interest in dating which. Way to conflate being aroace with ace and ignore that there are aros and aces who want relationships. That's my biggest pet peeve.

8. Describe the style of clothing you often wear.

I wear flannels and ripped jeans or shorts mainly. I basically dress like a butch lesbian. I'll wear dresses and stuff but I do not like dressing femme and prefer to offset softer things with hard things. Like. When I wear dresses I have to wear clunky combat boots with them or have short hair or something.

9. Who are your favorite LGBTQ+ ships?

Hmmm. Depends if you mean canon or not. Canon, it's probably FigAyda from D20 and Catradora from She-ra. Shion/Nezumi from No.6 is also one of my faves. There's also Chie and Ai from Virgin's Empire. Blupjeans from The Adventure Zone and JonMartin from The Magnus Archives.

As for Not Confirmed ships, I like Flick/CJ from Animal Crossing, Tsuna/Enma from Katekyo Hitman Reborn, uhhh. Reigisa from Free!, Kanji/Naoto from Persona and Chihiro/whatever the fuck his name is Mondo? Or the other guy I forget, from Danganronpa. Also RenLaw, RenStrade, and VinceLaw+VinceFarz from BTD.

(I am including straight relationships involving trans ppl obv.)

10. What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?

I hate how I look with make up it makes me dysphoric. But to me makeup is a good expressive outlet and bomb as hell, so when I do wanna wear makeup, I prefer wearing eyeliner and lipstick (esp in black or blue or green or purple) and glitter.

11. Do you experience dysphoria? How does it affect you?

I experience what I refer to as Silhouette Dysphoria a lot. I experience chest dysphoria but a lot of times it's less about me having them at all and me not liking how I look with them. The same goes for my hips and overall shape. Hence silhouette. I also experience genital dysphoria to a lesser degree, and when I do it's less hating my genitals bc they should be different but more just having any at all. Luckily I was born with internal genitalia so I don't have to think about it as much. Social dysphoria I also experience, but I've talked about that already.

How I deal with it is binding and stuff.

12. What is the stupidest thing you've heard said about the LGBTQ+ community?

Hmm. The ppl who genuinely argue that accepting the community means you'll be forced to accept pedophilia or beastiality. Like. Lmao no?

13. Favorite thing about the community?

I just love how great it feels to be in it tbh. It can be so positive and loving and just genuinely make you feel good about yourself.

14. Least favorite thing about the community?

Exclusionists.

15. Have you ever been to your city's pride event?

No, but I went to Pride in Des Moines!!! IT WAS GREAT!

16. Favorite LGBTQ+ celebrity?

I don't really follow celebrities, but probably Ian McEllen and Tim Gunn.

17. Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?

I was in a relationship for a while with a friend of mine and it was wonderful tbh. We met in a server and started talkng more, and started out as qpps then became partners and like we broke up, but I still enjoyed the experience and wouldn't go back in time and stop it from happening. My other qpp tho. That's something I would do lmao.

I also have a bf but that's a secret~

18. Favorite LGBTQ+ book.

I haven't read a lot of books, so I guess I have to say The Raven Cycle bc that's the only one I remember reading.

19. Have you ever faced discrimination?

Mmmm the only time I have experienced direct discrimination I was giving a friend valentines chocolate in high school and some kid called me a d*ke when i walked past him.

The other stuff is like. My therapist telling me to check for a hormone imbalance when I said I was asexual.

20. Favorite LGBTQ+ movie/show?

She-ra, "To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything", The Runaways (the movie not the show), No. 6.

21. Favorite LGBTQ+ bloggers?

I don't have any lmao.

22. Which slur do you want to reclaim?

Queer, bc it's already been reclaimed and it fits me.

23. Have you ever gone to a gay bar or drag show? How was it?

Nope. Never, but it'd be fun!!

24. How do you idrntify your gender?

Already answered this lol.

25. Interested in having kids?

Nope. I'd be too scared of screwing them up.

26. What identity service would you give your younger self?

I wish I'd known there was an ace community before I was older tbh. So that, probably.

27. What do you think of gender roles in relationships?

I personally like playing a feminine role, but I also think gender roles are unecessary, so like. As long as I'm an equal I don't care what role I play lmao. If you wanna treat me like the handmaiden, as long as you're not doing it bc you see me as a woman I don't care.

28. Anything else you wanna share about your gender?

Nah. Just. I don't bother trying to pin it down anymore bc the more I analyze it the less I understand it.

29. Something you wish ppl knew about being LGBTQ+?

Hmmmm not really. It's fun outside of the systemic oppression?

30. Why are you proud to be LGBTQ+?

For me it's less about pride in being LGBTQ+ and more being proud to express myself authentically. 🤷

#lemonadelyric #lgbtq ask meme #long post

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a-queer-human · 5 years

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genderqueer

/ˈdʒɛndəkwɪə/

adjective

adjective: gender-queer

denoting or relating to a person who does not subscribe to conventional gender distinctions but identifies with neither, both, or a combination of male and female genders."the genderqueer community”

Over the past 10 years, I have been thinking about Gender, on and off. The only things LGBT on my TV when I was a child was Gay hosts in the closest and Paul O’Gradys drag act Lily Savage. People didn’t talk about it. When I was a teenager in upper (high) school there seemed to be a ‘craze’ of Bisexual girls not so much men, but suddenly everyone was out that way, I didn’t come out for a while, knowing for sometime I wasn’t straight, I wasn’t gay either, I didn’t have terms such as Asexual and Demi, Pan and such, and it was the age where the internet wasn’t used as much and because I didn’t know, I didn’t look for it. So as a bullied teen I told only a few people of how I identified back then.

I thought I had to dress in a certian why and i HAD to be attractive to get through life so I tried to be as girly as I could be. not that it did anything, I still couldn’t get to grips with dresses and heels, the typical ‘femme’ style. it caused a lot of stress, a lot of wasted time trying to fit in with my peers. Things got easier when I went to collage, for a while anyway. I had some crushes I never acted on, I dressed how i wanted with less pressure and I got a job with mostly men which despite portraying myself as a girl i felt more then commutable with them. I met my best friend and I like to call my Platonic soul mate who I love in a way I cant put down. She saved me, when I wanted the world to stop and end, she was come to my house and just be there. When I met Psy at collage and became friends with them, it felt like I was starting to find my place, I got invites to house parties and met some really great people, I even went to my first Comic-con with them, and that was opening a whole new world, because of that I met people, I met people who came out as Trans and non-binary and with these terms, with the freedom to express myself I stated to think. For many years, I thought alone with my thoughts, not sharing, now asking questions until it clicked but the self doubt I felt was bad so I didn’t fully come out. I started to experiment with my name. I didn’t want my deadname I was either Shrew or I tried Francis for sometime. I didn’t play with pronouns until I came out. I came out as Julian, I came out having conversations with a few people and It felt good. I came out as Trans and things felt lighter for a while.

The problem with coming out, isnt so much being misgendered most days and still waiting to hear from the gender Clinic after years of waiting and not being able to afford going Private, the hard thing is people telling you HOW you should be as a man, the comments ‘ thats not very manly’ and ‘ I thought you were trying to be a man’ Why should I have to change who and how I act because the world views Cismen in such a way. So I have to conform? Do I have to tell people I am a Trans but ‘femme’ man. Of course I don’t I dont need comments of ‘ people will never see you as a man if’ How would you know? Your not me, your not Trans.

in the past year (2018) I have struggled with myself, not only my mental health conditions but how I present myself.

I am NOT a woman, Im not, Im not a she/her/lady I never want those pronouns, but the more I see of the LGBTQ world, the more I feel Im finding I don't really stick in the man section either. He/him/his are nice but at the same time They/them are most welcome. Does this make me an enby A male presenting Non binary? Transitioning will change my life, chest surgery and T would mean the world to me.

I don't really get it yet, My sexual Orientation has gone through many labels and maybe my Gender Identity will as well.

I know I need to not stress too much. but its something there.

#LGBTQA+#LGBT #LGBTQ #LGBTQA #Trans #nonbinary #Genderqueer #Queer #transmasc

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telling-our-stories · 5 years

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Coming out stories

A heads-up. These are the original stories, however, they are anonymous. This wasn't intentional, I just screwed up and didn't tag. These stories, aren't mine, so if I've posted yours and you want it taken down. Please, just ask me.

Alright.

I am tired of people who are against the LGBTQ+ community. Its alright to have an opinion. It is not alright to put people down for being themselves. The first pride was a riot, a fight for what they believe in. I'm trying to do the same. I'm trying to gather the stories of the fallen, the ones who are still standing, the people who are willing to fight for everything they are. And I am fully willing to take a stand and fight to prove we exist. To prove that we're here, and we aren't backing down.

Hello, my name is Dustyn. I'm here today to collect stories from the LGBTQ+ community. There's a lot of people who are against us, which is exactly why we need to stand our ground. I'm not asking for a fight, I'm asking for your stories. My story is not yet finished, though I'm a bisexual trans male. Our stories are important, because they show who we are and how far we've come. I've struggled a lot in my life, but I've made it. So have others. Here are some of those stories. We'll start with mine. I've gone through many identities, mostly trying to figure myself out. I'm still doing that. My family doesn't accept me for me, but I have many friends who do. There are so many accepting people in life, and I appreciate all of you who are proud to be who you are. Whether closeted or not, you are all valid and amazing.

"Hello my name is Melissa and i am bisexual. My family didn't really have a harsh reaction to it other than the fact that they didn't understand it at first. That was most of my trouble was people saying that bisexual wasnt valid. Im sorry mine is so short but i think the moral is that you are valid. No matter what you identify as on any spectrum in the LGBTQ+ community. Also even if your outside of the LGBTQ+ community and your just an ally. We love you and you are all valid.”

"Salutations everyone. My name is Talan. I am non binary, panromantic and i am currently between asexual and demisexual. I was raised in a very christian household where my mother and father had very strict beliefs. They believed that being anything but straight and to me being anything other than my assigned gender was a sin, and many people still say that to me. When I came out to my dad he flipped, he took me out of school for a year and put me in online school. During this time in my life I had reached a dark time where i thought that it was never going to get better but trust me it does. I am still living with my dad who does not accept me and at this point we don't talk that much, but it does get better. We have gotten to the point where we can have a civil conversation with each other and im back in school. I have an amazing girlfriend and multiple qpps who i love very much. Everybody at school is very loving and supporting. Remember that family is not chosen for you, you make your own family. If you ever feel down than just know that there are so many amazing and kind people in the world who love you for who you are, no matter what that may be. You are loved."

“I'm glad you reached out to me, anything to help people understand more about the LGBTQ+ community. I am 19 now and I came out to my family at the age of 14. My parents were the typical ones who said it was just a phase and it would not last but here I am five years later and I made it through. There was a point where I had no one to turn to but then i met my amazing boyfriend. He helped me through the good and the bad and showed me that there were things to stay for. I am now in college and pursuing a career in photography at the University of Arizona. I hope that could help a bit!”

"Okay. Well. My coming out experience was definitely not expected in the slightest. I was in the 5th grade. Realizing that I liked both boys and girls was quite the revelation. I had a lesbian friend who was the first ever gay person I met or knew. I remember being backstage of a show I was in and just crying through the words, "I know I'm supposed to love guys, but I love girls too". After that. I didn't tell anyone else, until 6th grade. I was a track meet and a group of people I sat with was talking to my lesbian friend about kissing. I forget the exact conversation, but I spoke up and said I would kiss her. A Christian girl in my class was nearby and heard. She was disgusted. Therfore by the end of the week, I was completely outed to my entire school. It was ugly, but it got better over time I guess. I'm a junior in high school now. I have yet to come out to my parents, but at least I know that I am finally comfortable in my my sexual orientation and gender identify (demigirl, which I didn't figure out until a few short months ago)."

"Hey, I haven't actually come out to everyone yet but I have told a few people and all of their reactions were positive "oh you're bi? cool" and that was it. No "so do you like me?" or anything which was super great. So I was "straight" and when I heard about the LGBT community I was "straight" for about another five days. I did some thinking and realised I'd actually liked girls before, and shortly after came out as bi to a few of my close friends at the time. They were all supportive, bar one who said "you're just looking for attention lmao".Coincidentally, she had also come out as pan and had received the usual "you're attracted to pans?". I go to a Christian school, so it would be pretty disastrous if the news leaked out, but naturally it did. Not everyone knows, maybe about 10% of my grade. I suspect some teachers found out about how some people were LGBT (not many though, there's about 5 of us), because our dean of year gave the "you're too young to know that" talk. Mostly at school we get sheltered from all LGBT news and details at all, and my parents hadn't told me much about it either, even though they are supportive and would be okay if I came out as bi."

"I'm bisexual. I first came out to my elementary friends over the phone 3 years after we went to different middle schools. They were mostly all so accepting and I was so overwhelmed I hung up on them. I spent a few minutes laying on the ground clutching that phone to my chest, I'd never felt so loved. I cried and cried and cried because these people atleast the ones who accepted me see me different now but are okay with it. Two years later, now, I still haven't come out to my parents. I still need a few years but I'm a little bit more open at school now most of my friends accept me. Others were cut off, I can't do that with my family so they still don't know. Not as if they would take me seriously either way. I want to get past college get a place a stable life then maybe I'll be ready, just maybe. Thank you for listening to my story."

"I was surrounded by my Uncle and his husband for years. I always knew that gay people existed. When I was younger I never thought anything different of myself; I thought I was one of the boys.

It never really clicked that I was the only one who saw it that way.

When I was 7, my mother and sister suggested I take dance I shot them down saying "that's for girls."

They didn't get it.

I wasn't entirely sure what came over me in that moment either but I know it felt right.

As myself and the people I knew grew up I realised I wasn't happy with the way I looked. I tossed it up as your typical dislike.

~every girl went through that at my age didn't they~

All the girls I knew were so happy that they were becoming women and I just sat in the back wondering why I didn't feel the same way.

I still didn't get it.

Once my depressed state got worse I decided to read into ways to love yourself and your body.

I started taking selfies, dressing up, wearing heels and makeup, forcing myself to sing even though I hated the way I looked and sounded.

It got worse.

I broke down when nobody was looking and acted like it was fine; like I wasn't praying that whatever I was feeling would go away for even a second.

And one day I looked in the mirror and I thought "this isnt right. This isn't me. This isn't what I want. Who in the hell is that person staring back at me?"

And I accepted it. That I would never be who I should be. That I would never be happy. Because nobody would love me. Nobody would want me. And nobody would accept me. Because if I was happy then that meant my family wouldn't have had the little girl theh thought they had gotten.

And up until recently no one knew that I broke down every night, that my thoughts got so bad I wanted to drown in my own tears so that maybe it would all be over. Because to me coming out to them was worse than death.

And here I am years later. My family knows but they don't care. They don't try to comprehend that this repression it kills me all the time. So I gathered my money got myself exactly what they told me they would never let me have and I lie. I go behind their backs and I live like the man I really am online. I bind my chest and I hide from their sight and when they ask I say it's just their eyes.

Because if they knew - if my mother knew - they would rather me suffer day after day than be who I am."

"heyo, i read your post and id like to put something to it.

i am a part of the community, havent came out to my parents yet, because i know for a fact id be sent to a psichologist or thrown out. but i am me online

an old friend of mine is a trans guy and found me a few weeks ago. he said he saw that i support LGBT+ and it was so comforting for him. a friend who i haven't talked with for 9 years!after he told me that he lost half of his family for being himself, his dad ignores him since, but he has a boyfriend and got his life together

and that i could be a little comfort for him is really nice. even the people who are closeted can be helpful in the community."

"Well, my mom took it well. I had gotten stuck in my closet and then she got me unstuck and I told her I was queer.

My brother, we were sitting in the car and he told me he always knew, but I had to keep it a secret from my dad or else bad things would happen.

My friends hugged me and started to use my name and pronounsSo coming out to my dad and stepmom, it wasn't even a coming out but a forced outage.

They took my phone away the night of a Panic attack that I still have nightmares over and searched it. They read all my messages.... everything.

I wanted to scream for it to stop, but I knew it wouldn't. They told me that they loved me, but I had to stop being me and I have to go back to being a girl who was cishet

But once you have a taste of freedom of who you really are, you can never go back ...I couldn't hide again. I just had to wait till I could spread my wings and be free somewhere else."

"Ok so for the thing you tagged me in, I don’t exactly have a coming out story yet, and I’m not sure of my identity entirely. I’ve tried out tons of labels and am sticking with queer at the moment just cuz it takes the stress off of picking an extremely definite word to describe me. I came out as queer last year, but I don’t consider it a coming out story because 1) I only told my friends and not my family, and 2) queer doesn’t completely define me. In real life, I’m doing my best to go back in the closet, but I think my “friends” may have told other people who spread rumors around my school, so it’s been difficult. A bunch of people make random references to me liking boys (I’m amab) and it made me uncomfortable enough that I started telling them I’m straight. I’m planning on staying as far in the closet as possible until people get more accepting and I understand myself fully."

"It's not a coming out story (mostly) but it's a realization of sorts.

Yesterday our Social Studies teached asked us to form groups and discuss a contemporary issue that we would present at the front in a few minutes. Long story short I suggested LGBT+ community and rights, which my group mates accepted. I live in a really conservative country (with at least 81% of the entire population identifying as Christians) and that's an extremely taboo topic. It ended up leading the teacher asking us to raise our hands if we believed the lgbt community should be allowed Civil Union, not considering religion an all. I was so afraid to raise my hand, but it was what I believed in and I couldn't live with it if I didn't show it, so I raised my hand. I didn't really do this as a member of the community, I wasn't thinking of myself. I was thinking of a world where this is accepted in my country, where I can go outside and be open and love whoever I wanted to, and I guess the idea of standing up for what I believed in was what pushed me to do that. A big majority of the class was against, and I was just so afraid even though some small logical part of me knew they would not do anything.Today, our Civics teacher had us grouped again to make a live news report and once again, my group (international news) got assigned lgbt+ community because of our listed problems yesterday. I suggested interviewing a member of the community and basically came out to two people I knew were trustworthy (nearly all three other members in that group but thank God I think the third one did not hear) and we agreed that I could be used if I only had my voice recorded and edited to not sound like me. Just a few hours ago I found out that one of my classmates, who I thought was a nice sweet boy, turned out to be a big homophobe. "Sodom and Gomora and Liberals are teaching unnatural things" kind of guy.I guess that broke something in me, because another thing I was really passionate about for when I grew up was this certain job, though no one supported me. I used to want to do that so much the idea of anything else repelled me, sometimes the idea of the other more "acceptable" jobs brought me to tears. Somehow this one admission that I thought everyone should have the right to at least a civil union and finding out my classmates didn't believe in that crushed something in me hard enough that I lost the passion to do that job I wanted. It makes no sense how this connected with that apart from the fact that neither are things I have been or would be supported on, but I guess seeing that this world isn't really safe made me lose hope.I felt scared to raise my hand, almost like I was actually coming out (which I now realize I'm absolutely never doing to many of those people) and the realization that some place I thought was a safe space for me, because all of those people in that class, I thought I could trust them. I've been with them since before I could spell "friend" correctly, they're family to me, I believed I would be safe and accepted, and then came to find out that wasn't quite the case...But well, basically I was terrified then crushed to find out that I could have outted myself to a group of people who would not take my news lightly

Found out some people I thought were friends thought people like me were broken

Found out some people I used to have the biggest crushes on didn't even believe in letting people have a civil union."

"I’m very excited to see brave people like you ready to start a revolution, so I thought I’d share my, sorta, coming out experience.

So I have divorced parents meaning I’d have to come out to four parents. This happened mainly last year. I was pretty sure I was bi, (tho I now identify panromantic demigirl) I knew my dad and stepmom would be great with it, and they were. But when it came to my mother, well, she wasn’t really homophobic, but she had different ideas about how a gay person should behave. She outed me to her after overhearing a convo with my friends. She then told me I was too young, and gave the “its a phase” talk. She knew I was fairly open about it because I lived by a motto to “be so myself that other people feel brave enough to be themselves too” But she believed a gay person should keep it a secret. Nowadays I don’t believe in the process of “coming out” I am open about my sexuality and gender but I don’t do formal coming outs. I always believed that if straights don’t have to, neither should I just because I “don’t fit a default” My mother wants me to come out to my stepfather even tho he already knows. I thought sharing a coming out story that also showed you should never feel obligated to come out. My mother guilt trips me about it, but I remain rooted in my beliefs that I shouldn’t have to come out, which I think is valid.

Hope my story can help anyone and just wanna say you are so so valid, amazing and powerful and should never feel pressured to be open if you don’t want to. Long live the revolution!!!🏳️‍🌈."

"Hello! I read your post about collecting LGTBQA+ stories and I thought Id share my brief experiences as a bi girl from Germany ^^

Tbh I never made a big deal about coming out, as I personally feel it goes to show that we're revealing a wierd secret, and Id like my sexualtiy to be something normal, not a main identifying characteristic. And everyone of my friends or classmates that I mention it to appear to have no problem with that whatsoever, and as far as I know Im not percieved as predatory either.

My family, however, is a whole different matter. While Im sure that my mums side of the family would be perfectly fine and my parents know already, when youve heard your fathers parents talk about eastern europeans and other immigrants using only slurwords and your uncles parents have expressed their absolute disgust about seeing a gay couple enjoy a nice picnic at the park, you get very cautious about who you tell. Especially since I dont want to put the supportive family in the position of having to consider whom they can talk to about this.

Another thing that Ive noticed after my exchange year in Sweden and seeing my first pride, though not having the time to attend, on my way there in Copenhagen, is how little support my country gives to this community from a social perspective. At my swedish school, all the teachers had a rainbow keyband from a *seminar about LGBTQA+ people*, something Im sure Germany would never do, and all of them kept it. There was no question whether you support us or not, it was an acceped part of social life and no big deal; we even did a private introduction round for pronouns!

And then I came back here. During pride month, there were no rainbow decorations, the most I saw of a parade was two discarded paper flags on the ground afterwards. When I vented about this to my ally friend, she only said that "some people and companies just like to stay neutral". Try all of them in Germany, but sure.

I know our community has come far, but I can also see that it isnt fsr enough, and that is the fight I am still fighting.

Hope this helps ^^."

"Alright. Mine isnt that interesting but I'll do my best :)

I came out as bisexual when i was in the sixth grade. It wasnt a huge deal to my mom. She said okay and we went on with our lives. Around the end of that year, i told her i thought i was trans and she said i wasnt. I came out to her again six months later and she said the same thing. There was a lot of yelling. Mind you, she isnt transphobic at all. The third time... she was so done with me. She yelled and so did i. It took four different times for her to accept me, and even then, i had to do the last time over text because i was scared of her reaction."

"So, my name is Ell. I identify as queer and demigender. I don't know what to say here really early than it's important to find others like you when you're not as close to your family as you used to be. Because of your identity. My family is more accepting than most, but still. The community online is so so important to me, and this project makes me really happy. So thank you. "

"I was at sea world and my mom was in the car I was talking about how my dad was super homophobic. My mom says that my dad acts like it’s a disease I said will if it is then I have got it, My mom is understanding and says that she will love me no matter what."

"So, I’m non-binary and bisexual. That’s a big no-no in a latino family like mine, it’s always grow up, get married with the opposite sex, and have kids. I don’t know why I felt that I could just say anything to my mom one day and she immediately objected. “Are you sure you’re not a lesbian or just confused? You can’t like more than one gender. Also, what’s this about a non gender? You’re either a boy or a girl, that’s it.”

Thankfully after a lecture and me apologizing (though I did nothing but tell her more about me) she let the subject go. I’ve never told my dad because I know mom just will get in the way and say I’m lying again, but at least my friends are understanding and almost completely LGBTQ+."

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neurodivergentchaosking · 3 years

Text

Loving someone with NPD

It fucking sucks! I have bpd and if i was completely untreated, i would have been narcissist chow...more than i already was.

I have pretty decent intuition but it took a long time for me to actually follow it. I met (lets call her Mary) before i listened to it and created a huge blindspot that took me 6 years to fix.

We both arrived on Okinawa Island 24 hours a part, we shared a name and a birthday ( naturally my dumb ass was like OMG SOULMATE- after i stopped hating her). when i first met her, i hated her. I knew she was two-faced and i said so to her face. Few drunken weekends set that unfortunate Trauma bond in place.

I felt so special. She's two-faced and cruel to everyone but ME. my BPD ate that shit up. she even told me that she thought i was the category of “bimbo friend” until she got to know me.....and i actually took that as a compliment and mentally lorded it over her bimbo friends. it was a disaster. love-bomb, cruelty, rinse, repeat.

We were just friends at first, she thought she was straight, and i thought i was a girl- neither are true. We kissed once in a drunken haze and it was absolutely terrible, so it really never happened again. you know justgirlythings.

I was quite notorious (just because im built like a coke bottle and was put into the marine barracks and you know how boot lickers be) on the island because the Navy is just high-school 2.0. Mary never had my back through it all, she stayed friends with the people who started it and she ditched me all the time at her convenience . I was only on the island for 6 months, and right when i almost cut things off with Mary, i left on an expedited transfer (another tragic story for another tragic time). We stayed in contact via snapchat but honestly we didnt talk much.

Her bf was a bit of a loser and she was planning to leave him while planning their life together...look at that, another red flag that i took as a compliment because she left him for ME. fuck im so needy #narcissistchow.

I made a joke about her living with me, and she just went full throttle with that shit. So we got an apartment together, twas the beginning of the end and i fucking KNEW IT. i felt it in my gut and i remember thinking...but she’s so mean sometimes... like whyyyyyy dont i just listen to me???? ug anyways

Right before we got the apartment she released my cat into the urban wilderness and he was GONE, presumed dead. Quinn, my beautiful fur-baby, a 13 lb maincoone, fucking HATED HER, and he only hated dicks. so yeah she got rid of him and blamed it on my husband (my life is complex okay). we were obviously not doing great and i didn't think about it too hard until later (even though he has never left the door open, like ever).

It started out so much fun! the adventures and stories that we created together were amazing. she made me feel like it would be like this forever. Bit short-lived. she would insult, demean, and play fucked up mind games. Luckily for me she didn't get to feed of my pain the way she wanted because i don't exibxit vulnerable emotions (working on that), despite them eating away at me.

Her toxicity mirrored the way i was treated as a child, so i did what i did as a child. i shut down. I stopped therapy because i was masking too hard for it be helpful. i stopped my medications because idk if they're working because I'm so disconnected. My ocd tendencies that i got rid of as a child came back. Im never not high on MJ (still am because i don't want to FEEL)

And you know why i stayed? because she made me feel special, and wanted, and even more so needed. She is so fucking insecure and i was a constant source of validation and love. we had conversations and conversations about how we were meant for one another and the future we would create together. We even talked about the children we would raise together. we talked about how it was weird that we didn't want to fuck each-other (she looks like an incest muppet lmao) but we were in a beautiful (toxic*) polyamorous asexual relationship.

i was def not perfect in the relationship. i would do so much petty shit (like i did as a child). she would make me feel shitty about something, so i would show off one of my many talents that also was one of her many insecurities. hell, i would fuck up her hair ON PURPOSE. She had this insanely long blue hair that ended in a short red Karen cut lmao i am such a fucking asshole lmao. no regerts

but like also lets not forget the times she literally threatened to murder me....just saying. i may have been a dick, but she DESERVED it.

She kept treating me like shit and i did the non-traditional BPD thing and started setting boundaries for myself. like when she starts being a jerk, just walk away. just leave. also make her jelly with something to feel better lol.obvi that made her MEANER. so i took her out to eat and told her that she was treating me like absolute shit and it needed to sop...she starts bawling...making up shit about how her anxiety this and that and she's not gonna stop being a cunt so shel just move out.

idk why i even tried after that lunch but like whatever. i even sold her my car at a discount price - but now she has the perma reminder lol. i tried. she kept changing the date of her leaving, she just got meaner, and what FINALLY made things click. was she started ditching me and lying about it ( i may have tested it out and made her confess to it without her knowing- she is incredibly stupid). that was the one thing. the one thing i told myself if someone does that to me again, im done. so heyyy at least i stuck to my boundary even though i almost talked myself out of it. so i simply stopped talking to her. for WEEKS. she tried to start conversation, i ended them. she insulted me and i would flip it on her. i was DONE and she knew it. so our 6 year relationship literally ended by me in person ghosting her.

Finally the lease was up and that kinda forced her stupid ass into moving, however. she like half left and half left her stuff. but she left ferret shit fucking everywhere. on the deck, in the closet, smooshed into carpet, random bits of poo strewn about the room. shes fucking Nasty. i cleaned up the ferret poops with her clothes that was left behing...and i rubbed it on EVERYTHING including her dishes. i broke a couple items (some on accident even). stole a bunch of stuff...even a dead mans gift...yeah im PETTY... but i stacked all of her shit at the enterence of the apartment.

Time for pickup! she allotted herself 1.5 hours to pack everything and go to her new apartment that is 45 plus mins away. she comes in- overly exaggerates on thanking me for stacking her shit by the entrance. i immediately ask for the keys ...says okay but then “got distracted”, we did that 3 times till she finally gave me the keys... then i told her about the ferret poo and she claimed that she was gonna clean it today...BITCH IT TOOK ME OVER 3 HOURS FOR THE POOP CLEANUP ALONE...so yeah fuck her.

later that day i hang out with my new friend, lets call her Anna, who is on Marys snapchat- while Mary was putting her stuff in storage (something she swore shed never do) she was saying how pissed she is and how horribly i am for stacking her shit at the entrance. glad to see she's as two-faced as ever.

POST BREAKUP DRAMA:

1) she tried to get rid of everything i gave her but she cant unbuy my car lmao.

2) she got stranded in Texas because she ran out of gas....even though the car tells you how many miles it has before it runs out...like i said, she incredibly stupid

3) she tried to slither in my life by sending a pic via snap to Anna and then said “oops my finger slipped” ummm its snapchat and thats not how it works stupid ( and this is one of her go to ploys so like lol why?) it was also a pic of a boot that she gave me but its ugly so i gave it back. idk what her whole plan was but it backfire because Anna just blocked her.

4) Quinn came back <3

5) i am obsessed and cant seem to stop stalking her so now imma try just being crazy in blog form to see if my needy bpd self can CHILL. cuz ug i just want to stab her...like 37 times...in the face (it would be an improvement)

#long reads #long story #abuse #narccisistabuse #bpd #npd #neurodivergent love #queer #lgbtqia #petty #younglove #mental illness #chaos #crazy

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mirajens · 7 years

Text

boyfriend material

pairing: yukino/rogue/sting rating: t genre: humor found on ff.n and ao3 follow up to this

Which boyfriend do you take home to meet the parents when you have two?

"You what!"

Yukino almost winced at the twin exclamations of disbelief. Sting and Rogue stood before her wearing not much but the aggravation on their faces which would have been intimidating were she not accustomed to either state of undress or irritability. She twisted the hem of her dress and stared at the space where their shoulders touched. "It's not like I lied!" she said in her defense.

"You told your family," Rogue inhaled and held it until it swelled in his lungs. His face was still red. "That you have a boyfriend."

"Technically, I do." She replied, her voice small.

"Technically, you have two boyfriends." Sting pointed out. He looked less exasperated than their notoriously high blood pressure Rogue so it was him that Yukino looked to.

"Well, my family doesn't want to hear that. So they don't need to know." Conservative Catholic parents tended not to understand polyamory or any of its complex subcultures and what people did not understand, they vilified. Yukino would much rather avoid that. Nothing turned family gathering unpleasant faster than sex talk.

"Now you want one of us to go meet your parents?" Rogue's tart tone was back, just a little bit discomforting. "And just pretend the one who's not coming doesn't exist?"

Sting lit up like a bulb, his silly smile chasing warmth into Yukino's chest cavity. "I'm boyfriend material, right, Yukino? Straight girls ask me out all the time! I'll go with you. And besides," he snickered as his gaze slid towards Rogue. "Solano hates this guy."

At the reminder, Rogue colored and Yukino chuckled. "Supposing Sting does go with you, what does that make me? Chopped liver?"

"Very kind, considerate liver?" Yukino tried. Obviously things were not as grim as they initially seemed since Sting was smiling now. If it was two against one and the two happened to have the most adorable sets of puppy dog eyes, it probably wouldn't take much more.

"Nice try. I'll be going with you, Solano be damned. Sting doesn't make a very convincing straight person." Rogue slapped a hand on Sting's back. "No offense."

Yukino exhaled. It didn't matter much to her who came with her as long as one did. She never had any patience for her family's obsession about her love life since she couldn't imagine her father understanding how a sweet girl like her could have two boyfriends who were sort of full blown gay or how asexuality worked because "normal" girls her age answered to the call of lust. No, these things were best kept away from the Agria home. Yukino couldn't stand the idea of her family misunderstanding her sexuality and saying something that could hurt her. She was quite easily hurt, too.

"That works out. Sting might say something that would destroy all this effort." At Sting's sound of protest, Yukino grinned sheepishly. "No offense."

Sting huffed. "I don't think you guys understand this 'no offense' thing."

Yukino simpered, trying to be empathetic. "I am sorry we have to hide, but you know people don't really understand." And you know I really don't like explaining because I don't owe anyone an excuse for being myself.

The boys' features softened on queue. They had such fierce feelings for their girlfriend and hated seeing her so upset. "Now don't start acting like you're imposing on us. We love you." It was Rogue who spoke, and his easy confession which almost always never came so easy startled Yukino and Sting. Now it was them who shared expressions, both of their mouths forming a small O.

"He truly is boyfriend material," Sting remarked with an awed voice, so silly of him, just to thin out the air. It felt like a victory when Yukino smiled.

"We'll just have to make sure you don't grab my boob in front of my sister and you'll be good."

Rogue's neck went red. "How many times do I have to tell you it was an accident!"

So now, imagine the classic boyfriend-about-to-meet-the-family scenario straight out of every heterosexual romcom: Rogue in a dark dress shirt that Yukino had to properly iron for him, barely concealing his fidget and Yukino fussing with his collar beneath his outercoat since he somehow managed to rumple it during the fifty minute drive from their dorms.

"Stop, stop." Rogue hissed as his hands swat at Yukino's fingers buttoning up the shirt to the last suffocating button. "Chill out or this will be over before it begins."

Yukino clenched her hands into fists at her side. "That doesn't make me any less nervous, you know."

"Please, let's just get this over with. I'm already too hetlagged and its barely 12." Rogue began rapping the knuckles of his longest fingers on the door.

And of course it was Solano who answered. God was just a really funny dude that way.

The older Agria sister didn't even greet her beloved sister before aiming her biting look at Rogue. "I was hoping it was that blond one you hooked up with, sis."

Rogue almost scoffed and said 'fat chance' but he remained silent against the abuse. This was exactly why he was the better option than Sting. He had so much more self-control and a lesser likeliness to drag all the cats out of the bags. "It's nice to see you as well, Solano." He said back tartly. And since the farce wasn't progressing, he put a hand on Yukino's lower back to urge her forward.

Yukino grinned at her sister instead of saying anything and pushed inside. The door closed behind Rogue.

"Where are mom and dad?" Yukino asked as she removed her jacket.

"They're just about done cooking." Solano, in a rare show of propriety, reached out to take her sister's coat, then turned to Rogue and cocked a brow, as if waiting for his.

Always, always, always missing cues with his girlfriend's unnerving sister, Rogue jerkily shrugged out of his parka and handed it over with a low thanks. Solano wasn't an easily tempered creature and many times Rogue knew not if she was going to laugh at something he'd say or stick a fork in his neck for it. He'd always tread softly around her even before she'd witnessed the infamous moment that Rogue accidentally grabbed Yukino's breast. Sting had laughed at that but wasn't that easy for himꟷ Sting didn't have to do a safety sweep of his apartment every time he came home.

"Well, come on, lovebirds. Dinner shall be served."

Mother and Father Agria were all too pleased to meet the first ever boy that their baby brought home.

"We'd been worrying, you know," started Yukino's mother as she piled on marble potatoes, chicken and asparagus on Rogue's plate. Rogue balanced eye contact with too much at once: Yukino's father, Yukino's mother, the easily overflowing herbed gravy on his chicken, Solano's icy look and Yukino's uneasy one. "She never showed an interest in boys. We were starting to think she was, uh, one of those les-beans."

"Mom, honestly," Yukino just barely resisted rolling her eyes.

"And you're the first one she brought to meet us." Yukino's dad stated cheerfully with a raised glass. "Now, Solano has brought a lot of boyfriends home. And" he continued hastily, just before Solano could gripe, "There's nothing wrong with that, darling. You're a woman capable of making your own choices and I did like some of them. I just wish they'd stay around, you know? I really liked that Jellal fellow. The engineer, right?"

Solano scoffed. At twenty-five, she still managed to look like a sulky teenager as she stabbed at her carrots. "I told you, he wasn't my boyfriend. He was my lab partner and you just made him sit down for dinner. That's ways away from bringing someone home."

"I thought you two suited each other." The older man said with a sniff.

"Did you get that impression between the first and fiftieth time he mentioned his girlfriend? Dr Firecrotch with a PhD in Renaissance Warfare?"

"All right, you two, don't get snippy." Just like that, Mother Agria put the kibosh on a steadily rising tension. "We don't want to look bad in front of our guest."

"Don't worry about it, Mrs Agria." Rogue, in an effort to avoid more eye contact, stared intensely at the potato his dinner knife was splitting in half. Baby, he could hear Sting sneer in his mind. "Your home is lovely." That seemed like a nice, heterosexual thing to say. They said shit about lovely homes and good scotch and great gravy. Oh, he should comment on the gravy. "This gravy is great. It reminds me of what my mom used to make."

Yukino stared at him as if he'd grown a second head. Oh, right. He'd never met his mother. Rogue shrugged at her, as if by that action he could relay the panicked message of sorry im just trying to speak like a straight person!

To which Yukino's glare deepened. Well, stop it. You sound stupid, it seemed to say.

"Oh, thank you, sweet boy." Mrs Agria chirped, and to show her appreciation, dumped more food into Rogue's plate, much to his dread. He could never eat well in tense situations.

"Ah, mom, not so much. Rogue… takes medicine. He can't eat too much." Yukino finished lamely. It dawned on her how dangerous it was to say lies that have not been preplanned. Rogue's annoyed look confirmed her newfangled sentiments.

"Medicine for what?" Mr Agria said from the head of the table, in the tone of a man suspicious of drugs.

"Ah. Uhh…" Rogue could feel Solano's irritated stare despite not seeing her face. "I'm, uh, Midichloric?" Yeah, real nice, dumbass. Tell them you can Force control the cutlery next. "Uh, it's something or other in my blood. Kind of like anemia."

The Agrias looked confused and were all in telepathic agreement that any medical conditions were too delicate to be discussed in the dinner table. Yukino looked mortified.

They were all saved from furthering the conversation by loud banging against the front door.

"Yukino! I know you're in there! I've come to fight for your hand!"

Rogue began to choke on the bite of chicken that had lodged itself in his throat. Yukino's face made a play on several different emotions before settling on astonishment. The other Agrias exchanged what was not the first look of confusion tonight.

"What on earth?" Mr Agria began, before pounding on the door cut him off.

"YUKINO! It is I, Sting! Let me in and face the emotions I have for you!"

Mrs Agria looked apprehensive before deciding to open the door. Not long after, Sting came into view (not after a noisy detour into the kitchen he mistook for the dining room). He found his girlfriend slapping a hand on Rogue's back.

"Rogue, you bastard! Unhand my woman or you will have these fists!"

Teary-eyed from the near death experience a la chicken, Rogue aimed a bark-peeling glare at his boyfriend. "You stupid little-"

"What is going on here?" Mr Agria boomed from the head of the table, having had enough of the puzzled glances he exchanged with his wife and eldest.

"Hello, Agrias. I am Sting. Rightful lover of your fair Yukino." Despite the odd speech he seemed to adopt (and Yukino could only guess that while Rogue based his heterosexual persona from whatever CW Prep School Bullshit he saw on TV, Sting assumed his from period dramas), he sat down on the vacant chair beside Rogue, an innocuous look on him. "The feast looks amazing."

"Please, help yourself." Mrs Agria offered instead of the what is going on? that she wanted to say.

"Lover?" said Mr Agria this time.

"What the fuck?" said Solano. "You have two boyfriends, Yukino?"

"No!" Yukino shrieked, panicked at hearing the words she never wanted any of her family to utter.

"I'm the boyfriend!" Rogue said, exasperation clear on his face, all of it directed at Sting who had begun to help himself to the food.

"I've come to fight you for her. You don't deserve sweet Yukino." Sting countered.

"So you're two-timing them?" Solano said. "Way to go, sister. Who knew you had it in you?"

"No you don't get it-"

Mrs Agria looked pleased as she aimed a pointed look at her husband. "Oh, honey, and here we were all worried about Yukino never having a boyfriend. Now she has two."

Mr Agria nodded.

"There were a dozen men fighting for Yukino when we began. Rogue and I eliminated the competition. By combat." Sting volunteered. When Rogue and Yukino gave him exaggerated looks that angrily suggested he shut the fuck up, Sting sent them a subtle thumbs up.

"Oh, is that right?"

"Sting's joking, mom." Yukino cut in before Sting could say anything else. This was bad. This was so bad. They didn't plan all the lies out and one of them might say something incriminating. "I think we have to go now, mom, dad. Sorry. Rogue has to be home. Uh, for his medicine. You know, the mitochondria thing-"

"Midicloric," Rogue corrected, not helpfully, by the fed up look Yukino sent his way.

"Isn't that from Star W-" Sting began to say. Rogue slapped a hand over his mouth.

"We don't want to ruin lunch with my gruesome diagnosis, do we?" Rogue said before laughing a fake, strained laugh.

"Yes, so we really have to go." Yukino started to rise, pushing her chair back.

Sting licked at Rogue's palm before Rogue drew it away, disgusted. "But I haven't even started eating yet."

"We can have McDonald's on the way back to school." Rogue said through gritted teeth. He rose, same as Yukino, dragging Sting up by the collar of his shirt. "The food was really good, sir, ma'am. And it was nice to meet you."

"I'm sorry, mom, we'll come back some other time, when Rogue is well." Yukino already started inching towards the doorway, hoping Sting wouldn't say anything else and trying to tell both boys to move faster by telepathy.

"Nice meeting you, Agrias!" Sting called out before Rogue's hold on his shirt choked him and he was dragged out of the room.

The front door sounded and the remaining three occupants of the dining table listened to an inaudible but loud argument as Yukino, Sting and Rogue got into the car.

When the car sped away, Mr Agria finally piped up again. "What did the boy say he was sick with again?"

"It sounded serious," said Mrs Agria. "But anyway, I can't wait to tell Angela. She was always bragging about how many suitors her daughter has."

"Angela? From church?"

"And you gave me grief for dating around. Yukino has two boyfriends, dad."

"I said I didn't mind the quantity, just the quality."

"I can't believe you, Sting! That was the most irresponsible thing you've done to date." Yukino huffed hard enough to send her bangs flying. "Now my parents think I'm dating two men!"

"Well, you are!" Sting cried defensively. "At least they seemed excited."

From the passenger seat, Rogue shook his head. "That's not the point. You could have made things very bad for Yukino. We had a plan, Sting."

"Oh yeah? Did that plan include you being terminally ill with Jedi Powers?"

Rogue sputtered. "That was not my fault!"

"You could have come up with an actual disease, okay?" Yukino said.

"Oh, sure, I'll prepare a better list of serious ailments just in case you randomly decide to tell people that I have time-sensitive dosages."

"Meeting the parents seems like a lot of work." Sting remarked.

"Maybe we can scale back on the lies for Christmas," Yukino suggested.

"Maybe you can pretend to be single for Christmas," Rogue muttered. He could feel a headache throb behind his eyes.

#Yukino Aguria #sting eucliffe #Rogue Cheney #stingueyu #what is that awful ship name #is there an official ship name for the three of them?#something that doesnt sound like an insect repellent brand?#college au #modern au

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spacegayapollo · 7 years

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some bad news and why I havent been on much lately

its not that i feel the undying need to justify my lack of posting but more so to just get it all out in one spot, publicly. Most the people this all involves has hard/long explainations to how they are related to me.

So just before my mom came back from her spring break vacation, i get a phone call from my step dad (he WAS married to my mom, they broke up but me and him are still very close and i view him more of a healthy father figure than my own dad) that my dog has stomach, liver and intestinal cancer and has around two weeks to live. Beyond heart broken i pack as much shit i can and head over there (he lives about half an hour away) to spend as much time with my beloved Mulligan as i can. Every night was filled with booze and scream-crying.

Cindy, my step dad Randy’s girlfriend who lives with him, confesses to me shes scared Randy is going to up and leave us to move to Squamish (a very small beautiful town a few hours away). Cindy runs a foodtruck in the city and her 7 year old daughter just started school in the city. plus her kids dad lives in the city, too. making it impossible for her to move with Randy.

Now having spent two full weeks living at Randys my mom is starting to get pissed off, and very very jealous. When i told my dad whats been going on (i havent lived at his house for almost two years now) he become even more angry and upset that i have hardly been spending time with him. He even tried to bribe with the fact that hes going to see my little sister (havent seen her for over 4 years) this weekend to talk with her mom and try and figure out if she can visit us, Then to make things even more stressful, Randy asks if im moving in forever. Not the first time hes asked me to move in with them either.

In my dogs honor and memory, i get the same tattoo he has in his ear on my wrist. This upsets whos relationship with me i can only truly capture by discribing it as an asexual relationship. Me and Efrat have an incredible bond but she is straight and im not super duper into sex with others anyways. She is convinced by our mutual friends that right before my dog dies is a perfect time to tell me she is hurt and upset about my tattoo. She also has the same tattoo as her dog. I get beyond upset. I start crying my eyes out and yell “do you think youre the only one with this kind of tattoo in the whole world? My fucking dog is about to die and you seriously thought right now is a great time to bring this up?” she replies by admitting “I dont know what i am trying to get out of this conversation” and before i think to do anything worst, i storm out of her house.

Its a very common thing for people who are close to me to completely avoid me when i am very angry. So Efrat doesnt talk to me for three days. In those three days i call her of a total 15 times. She sent me one text saying “cant talk right now.” desperate to get a hold of her i call one of our friends to see is she is with her. Our friend tells me she went to the Island to visit my friend Eden.

This is where i get livid.

Eden has been my bestfriend since we were 4. She sadly had to move away in highschool so i saw her a lot less. After highschool she moved to the Island. Her roommate is a very charming guy. Efrat went to visit them once with her at the time boyfriend (who was a trash human to me all through highschool) and she falls for Edens roommate.

To make this situation perfectly clear; Efrat left to go try and hope on some dick and get high while i was losing my mind over my dog dying and the fact that Randy might ditch. All of this she knew very damn well about. And she ignored me and did not say she was going to the Island.

The day comes where we have to put down Mulligan. I can say with a sure fact that i have not lived a worst day. This was 5 days ago and i still have yet to stop randomly breaking down on the bus, at work and waking in the middle of the night crying my fucking eyes out. I dont hear a single fucking word from Efrat. We held a bombfire by the beach that night in honor of my pup that all my friends came to. She told others she was coming, but as you can guess did not show up. Didnt even send a simple text saying “cant make it, sorry.”

Two days later my best friend says her girlfriend cheated on her. Their breakup quickly gets out of control and all i will say is that the cop are involved. So she and my other friend stay the night with me at Randys place. While feeling like i am losing all control of everything important to me i somehow manged to comfort her. I finally get a hold of Efrat.

In prior nights my friends had seriously brought to my attention how damaging my relationship really is with Efrat. They encourged me all through the week to stand up to her and basically say cut the shit.

Being the stupid piece of pathetic shit i am, i crumble at the sound of her voice. Eventually we get to the point where i ask “what now” she tells me she doesnt want to cut me out but maybe slowly ease me back into her life. Somehow in all of this i am now treating her like the victim.

We have been planning a trip to Isreal (where shes from) since the beginning of the year to go in may. I have the whole month booked off and tons of money saved up. But after all this i dont think i want to go. Thankfully the tickets arent bought so i still have a little bit of time to figure that out.

I also thought shit at work was FINALLY getting better having my Chef fired and my sous chef that i so dearly idolize come back. But now hes acting really really different towards me. We have what is pretty obvious the closest relationship anyone has at work. We get alone perfectly, and deeply respect eachother. He even confessed i was the real reason he came back to our kitchen. But we arent roughhousing like we normally do, he hardly asks me to come out for smokes with him and i cant remember the last time he told me one of his amazing stories from when he was younger. Its crushing me that i have no idea if i have done something wrong, or if hes jealous of how close im becoming with our new chef, or if its something so unrelated to me and hes just taking it out on me because he knows i can handle it. I look up to him so much and it was so fucking hard the first time he left that i couldnt handle losing him again. so this is driving me fucking insane.

It really feels like every aspect of my life is going up in flames and the only positive thing i have to look forward to is American Gods coming out soon. Theres hardly any good shit happening in my friends lives so i cant even be happy and proud of them. Theres close to no healthy distractions avalible to me.

#this is super long btw #like very very long #i have a lot of shit going on rn

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