#she likes punching fascists in her free time

[hellsite-trickster]

As an apology for the flesh cup post. My art.

[powderblueblood]

HELLFIRE & ICE — eddie munson x f!oc as enemies to star-crossed lovers

CHAPTER THREE — EDDIE MUNSON COMMITS TREASON (BREAKS UP a CAT FIGHT)

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summary: you deal with the fallout of your fight at steve harrington's party... in the passenger seat of eddie munson's van. so much for pretending you didn't exist to one another, huh? content warnings: as always, MINORS FUCK OFF, because we have *deep breath* implied fantasy smut, lots of swearing, confused yearning, themes of threat, heavy snark, another mention of the drink tab which i feel like is/was gross word count: 7.2k

Dear Dio, Tommy Iommi, Gary Gygax, Pee-wee Herman, Ronnie Ecker — forgive me for what I’m about to do. 

I know I’ve done a lot of stupid shit in my life. Like the time I lit all my hair on fire and spent middle school with a buzz cut. Or the time I almost trapped myself in a spread eagle with my own handcuffs. Or the time I got my arm stuck in a wall for an entire afternoon when I was trying to rescue a feral cat. 

I’ve done a lot of stupid shit. But the stupidest among it all has got to be saving this girl from the bare knuckle wrath of Carol Whatsername. You know the one. 

Tonight, for whatever reason, this insane ex-rich chick has decided to teeter on the edge of a pool of boiling hot lava and for whatever reason, I feel like it’s my responsibility to yank her back.

Which sucks, because she’s a total bitch to me. 

Even if she just told everybody Tommy Hagan had crabs and has been cheating on his girlfriend in such a deranged way that it almost made me pop a semi. 

Anyway. Tell my guitar I love her. 

The world around Eddie slows to the tick of a football game replay as you let the last incendiary word you speak to Carol bounce around the goddamn Roman amphitheater Harrington’s back yard has become. 

This is insane. What he’s watching is insane. Like, he knew you and your dumb little court of Hawkinsites bickered back and forth, but you’re the last person he’d ever expect to air their dirty laundry like this. 

It’s incredible to watch the fascist leadership that he and the rest of the social nobodies have suffered under for so long rupture in real time. 

What’s even more incredible is how little hesitation there is on his part, shoving through the crowd when he sees Carol leaping for you. Eddie’s nearly jostled backwards by some slobbering roid heads— they’ve already called CAT FIGHT! and a crowd is clamoring. But Eddie’s got years of thankless equipment lugging behind him, giving him deceptively strong arms.

And thank god, because you are not an easy girl to hold onto. 

Carol lands a decent punch to your face, slamming with a dull knuckle-on-cheekbone crunch that makes all the onlookers, including him, go ooof! You stagger back in a state of shock (though, c’mon, you heard what you said just now, right?) and Eddie takes his shot just as you dive forward to retaliate.

He grabs you under the arms so you can’t like, elbow him in the fucking nose, a pale imitation of an illegal wresting move that Al Munson had forced him to learn at the tender age of seven. His dad had fancied himself a wrestling manager at the time— you can imagine how that worked out. 

But Jesus, can you ever squirm! Your body writhes against him—stop—hips bucking—don’t go there—as you try to get free. He doesn’t even think you realize who’s dragging you away from the screaming harpy, otherwise you’d probably turn your fury on him. 

He takes full advantage of the rage blackout and manhandles you through the party, earning a baffled look from Steve Harrington, who’s finally graced his own party with his presence. A pinch-faced Nancy Wheeler lingers behind him, but then again, Wheeler’s always all pinch-faced.

“What the fuck?!” Harrington breathes, exasperated. 

Eddie struggles against you struggling, just about dragging you over the front doorstep. Trust this guy to be upstairs in a domestic dispute, missing all the action while getting no action. 

Even in the chaos, Eddie will never pass up an opportunity to fuck with Harrington.

“You gotta start hidin’ your bath salts, man! Chicks are going crazy in there–Evil Dead type shit!” 

—

“You’re dead, Lacy! Monday morning, you are fucking dead!” Carol screams down the hallway. 

“It’s a date, bitch!” you screech, Munson’s nelson hold on you stronger than your thrashing. With a lot of work, he manages to haul you as far as Harrington’s front yard before you wriggle out of his grasp. You shove him, hard, all white hot and punch drunk and regular drunk on top of that. 

He yelps, high and frightened. You weren’t expecting a noise like that to come out of a surly-looking dude like him. 

So you do it again. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” you spit, and Munson flinches.

“Cutting you off!” he exclaims, this half-yell, half-laugh. It stings, the way he’s looking at you– like your anger isn’t anger, like it’s just amusing to him. 

“Well, who gave you the right? Who died and made you my parole officer, Munson?!” 

“Oh, I’m not– but I also didn’t feel like being woken up at home when the cops come looking for you after you go all Raging Bull on Carol. You haven’t been around the park long enough to hear ‘em, but those sirens really perforate the eardrums!”

Your jaw sets itself stiffly and you bind your arms over your chest. Unfuckingbelievable. “I would’ve, you know,” you breathe, seething, “Beat her up.” 

Munson’s dark eyes glide over you, like he’s checking you for concealed weapons or signs of a zombie bite— you avoid his gaze entirely, staring square into the middle distance. 

You promised that he didn’t exist to you, yet here he is. Driving you off the road. Breaking up your fights. Existing.

“Yeah, I know you woulda. You’re scary,” he says. You shrug, and he reaches to massage his shoulder. “And strong. Shit.” 

Your eyes flick over to him, but you don’t feel bad. You don’t feel bad because he’s grinning at you now and despite yourself, despite everything that’s transpired and the everything about him, you’re trying your hardest not to grin back. Adrenaline and vodka are still burning a hole in your chest. 

“Stay out of my way, then.”  

“Noted, but,” a couple of steps from Munson’s end closes some space between you. He’s peering at your face, right where Carol clocked you. A hand reaches out, angling your chin closer to the Harrington’s glaring porch light with his fingertips. You stiffen and squint, performatively wary, but you don’t stop him. You just let his eyes pan over you, looking anywhere but into them. “You might need a little first aid first. And a ride home.” 

“I was actually planning on carjacking Hagan,” you say coolly, the smile you were trying to beat away edging its way across your face. Munson releases your chin and the spot where his fingers were buzzes. It’s just the cold. It’s just your slutty librarian outfit, you tell yourself. You have to swallow in order to speak again. “Seems like fitting payback.”

“Jesus, sweetheart, what did I just say about cops?”

—

Eddie tolerates your eyes rolling back in your head when he props the passenger door open for you, helping you into the cluttered van with an outstretched had. 

See, I’m not the kind of asshole who doesn’t open doors for girls wearing stilts for shoes.

Those things were not made for clambering into a vehicle like this, sure, but they’re– nice. For what he knows about shoes, which is nothing. They make your legs look more… leggy, and for whatever reason this is making his brain soft. 

In your other hand is a cold can of High Life, which is the closest thing to an ice pack he could nab. That bruise blooming under your eye is going to be nasty, and he’s a little curious how you’re gonna look with it. You, with nary a hair out of place on a bad day, with a big ol’ purple shiner in a place that’s hard to hide.  

Gunning out of Harrington’s hood, a silence settles between Eddie and you. The radio hums in the background– a mainstream station for once. He thoughtfully figured that an aural assault by Sabbath would kinda rub salt in your wound. 

He’s thoughtful, but he’s not not nosy. So, of course he’s gonna ask– 

“That whole… verbal smackdown back there,” Munson starts after clearing his throat. “With Tommy H and everybody.”

On your end, the adrenaline has worn off and the numbing effects of the booze have amped up. You feel loose and warm, apart from the beer can cooling your bruise. There are twice as many streetlights streaming past you as usual. This is going to blow later– if you don’t blow chunks first. 

“All that about your dad pimping me out?” God, I mean, Hagan couldn’t compose a written sentence to save his life but maybe he had a future in speculative fiction. Did he just come up with that on the fly? “Take a wild guess, Munson.” 

Eddie recoils in his seat– gross. Gross. “Not the– the shit with Tina and Carol and–”

“Oh, the crabs? Yeaaaah, that’s true,” you slur, “But I rejected Tommy waaay before I knew that. Call it my brilliant instinct. And then he has the nerve to call me frigid, which– trust me, I’m anything… anything but.”

Munson seems a little surprised at this. You can see it in the way his eyebrows dart under his curly bangs. 

But you’ve had your share of disappointing experiences with the blandly acceptable boys in your circle– it’s par for the course, it’s part of advancing in the field. You can’t throw your cat into the street completely, but god forbid you be choosy about the boys you want to copulate with. The ones you’ve hooked up with, all unremarkable and perfunctory, always seemed so smug afterwards. Like they’d conquered something. 

But from Eddie’s purview, you always held yourself like you were above everyone else; not just the underclassmen and the social rejects, but even your own friends. He’d watch you sometimes, because it’s hard not to watch you. He’d wait for the few flickering moments you let your guard down, when you thought no one was paying attention as you sat at the lunch table or walked the hallways. So achingly unamused by the guffawing, the backslapping, the forced camaraderie of your forced high school persona and your forced high school friends. Then, one of them would say something like, Right, Lacy? and your brow would unarch and you’d be right back in the groove with the rest of them, giggling dumbly and glossing your lips. 

He always wondered how you did it, tolerated it. And why.

“Now, far be it from me to agree with a shithead like Hagan–and I don’t, before you get scary–but I kinda get where he’s picking that up,” Eddie winces, throwing a glance to you, glassy-eyed with your head against the window. You’re looking at him with narrowed eyes, eyeliner smudged. Even that look could cut down a man with twice his ego. “You’re a little bit frosty. Cold shock in the middle of a summer’s day– which, y’know, could be–”

You absolutely do not let him finish the thought.   

“It’s caaaalled being aloof, Munson,” you drawl, shuffling your shoulders against the passenger door and pulling a stray thread from your skirt with a sharp snap. “Playing hard to get, duh? Leave them wanting more? You wouldn’t get it because you’re so goddamn big and obvious all the time…”

“Obvious!” he brays, letting his jaw hang open with theatrical flair, “Obvious! Lacy, you wound me, I–”

“Obvious,” you bark back, “Obvious like a neon sign, obvious like a circus tent, obvious like– like– look at me, look at me, I’m a weirdo!” Your Munson impression, complete with devil horns, is a little dorkified but it shuts him right up. That loose little tongue of yours has trasmuted your mood from wrath to barbed silliness. “So obvious you wouldn’t know that kind of subtlety. Not if it hit you in the face.” 

A familiar tune whistles from the radio, distracting you. “… or cause you’re a virgin.”

“Okay—!“ Eddie starts, immediately assuming the position of point guard. His hackles are raised, but to be honest, he’s so willing to let you ramble on. It’s the first time he’s heard you talk this much, ever, save your little tête-à-tête by the lockers the other day. 

Eddie doesn’t want to stem the flow just yet. He’s not thinking about it too hard.

“Oh shit, do you hear that?” Like a Virgin pumps from the tinny speakers and you reach to turn it up, your head drunkenly bobbling on your neck. Eddie winces; it’s so weird, watching you like this. It’s like dream logic. It’s like opposite day. “Munson’s a virgin! I’m gonna touch him for the very first tiii-iime! Munson’s a vii-iir-gin—“

“First off, no I am not and no,” he audibly swallows, positive you didn’t realize what you just sang, “no, you are not, ‘cause— well.” He clears his throat. A flare of heat burns around his collar. “I’m not the type to bone and tell.”

“Bone and tell.” You guffaw, a sound so unbecoming yet so endearing coming from you, and slump back in your seat. That tight little skirt you’re wearing rides up about an inch and a half. “Sounds like something a virgin would say.”

Eddie huffs; no way around this. You’re fucking with him, and it’s the indefatiguable male ego that’s not going to let him let you win. 

He fucks, okay? Or has fucked, prior to this. 

Not that there’s anything wrong with not fucking. 

But he’s done it.  

Eddie’s eyes dart between you and the road, and you’ve got him like a stuck pig with that expectant glare. His eyes linger on your exposed upper legs for a half a second. 

Christ, you’re annoying. It occurs to him that wants to bite the soft flesh of your thigh and hear you squeal about it, but you are annoying as hell. 

“Fine. Fine. You wanna know?”

Your head lolls against the rough upholstery of the seat and you bat your lashes at him. “I really wanna know.” 

And Munson will tell you, you know, because you’re the kind of person people tell things to. 

“Nicole Summers.”

“Bullshit. Nicole Nicole? My Nicole?”

“Nicole Nicole. Nicole, formerly yours. The only-girl-meaner-than-you Nicole. It was tenth grade,” he snorts bitterly. “Most unforgettable thirty seconds of my life.”

“Nicole told us she got her v-card stamped by a board waxer in Maui.”

“I’ve got a lot of side gigs. You don’t know about me.”

You snort too, despite yourself. That’s a lot of despite-ing tonight, Lacy. You sit up in the seat a little, interest catching. Flame to a candle wick. 

“How was it?” you press. 

Munson furrows his brow, like duh. “Most unforgettable thirty seconds of my life, I just told you.” A beat. “Until— …Cass Finnigan.”

Now, an encounter like that is less surprising, but still you holler, “Bullshit!”

“I’d say the same shit if it hadn’t, y’know, happened to me,” he stage whispers, “In this van.”  

Your eyes widen, a flicker of a grimace sailing across your face. You wonder how he pulled that off, but all that comes to mind is the start of a bad porno– Cass meets him at that dingy little bench out back of the school to pick up and he’s, I don’t know, test driving some of his new supply and offers her a toke. She’s all, why the free samples, Munson? and he’s all, I only let the prettiest girls test the product. And because Cass is notoriously insecure–who among us, girl–she’s all, who, me? and he’s all, come back to my van, and she’s all, but I’m going steady with Mikey B, and he’s all, I won’t tell if you won’t and then he fucks her in the ass. 

Because Cass is saving the first hole for marriage and you know that. You’re the kind of person people tell things to. 

What you don’t expect is a weird pull of… envy. Why, in this imaginary scenario, had he never invited you back to his van? Well. You know why. But you’re drunk, so logic begone. “When did all this go down?”

“Uh, right before school got back,” Munson answers, kind of apprehensively. He could be lying, you figure.

“Well, Cass has been having a weird year,” you mumble, meaning to think that rather than say it. You know, because you’re the kind of person people tell things to.

“What’s that supposed to imply exactly?” Eddie says, an edge in his voice. He can’t help the way something in his chest flares; like he forgot to wait for the other shoe to drop with you, and now it’s dropping. 

“It stands to reason that she’d wanna, like, do something stupid,” you explain, and you know how it sounds. It’s mean. But honestly, you’re so drunk, and so past the point of attempting to spare people’s feelings.

“Like hook up with the local freak,” Eddie finishes for you, tone flat. You couldn’t not put him in his place, could you? Not that he thought Cass liked him or anything, he could feel her (literally feel her) going through the motions like a social experiment but– God, a little delusion doesn’t hurt now and again. 

“Exactly!” and even in your inebriated state, you can feel the tension in the air, hanging between you like a balloon full of noxious gas. Rather than cut it, you want to poke at it, unfeeling as to whether that’ll make it worse or better between you and the boy in the driver’s seat. You hike yourself up further, leaning toward him, pulling the can of High Life from your face. 

Munson’s profile is this beguiling mix of hurt and irritation, lit by the scuzzy orange hue of the passing streetlights. 

“What, did you want me to act impressed? Did you want me to lie to you?” 

“What? No– look, I know what girls like that– think of me, but,” Eddie’s voice shrinks in his throat, making him sound completely pre-pubescent. He notices you lean forward in his peripheral vision, like you have to strain to hear it, “that doesn’t make it any less shitty.” 

Oof. He did not need to unleash that little piss-shake of earnestness right now. He mentally steels himself for a ribbing from you, a cackling, piercing laugh like you let out before Carol punched you. 

“Of course it doesn’t!” you froth, “Just like it doesn’t make it any less shitty when guys act like they’re settling a bet with their buddies when they hook up with me.” You cross your arms to your chest with a quickness, slamming back into the seat. “Bet you couldn’t make it with Lacy, she’s got a combination lock on her pussy. Fuck you, dude.”

That coaxes a bark of a laugh from Munson, which makes you giggle a little in turn. It’s a weird feeling. It’s not quite relief; more like satisfaction. One point to Lacy, you made him laugh. 

“Combination lock, huh?”

“Allegedly.”

“Bet none of those losers even know how to crack a lock.” 

Your head tilts in his direction, forward this time. “And you do?”

Munson’s eyes flash at you, a dangerous orange glint sparkling in the darkness of his irises. “My criminal skillset is pretty diverse.”

He pins you down with this look from the driver’s seat and for a heartbeat or two, and you let him. Just long enough that a stab of sobriety sneaks in– and you can’t deny it, but you wish it didn’t. 

You’re drunk. 

If you can stay drunk, all bets are off. 

If you can stay drunk, whatever you do doesn’t matter, because you were drunk. 

You could reach over and press your fingers into the soft denim between his legs, make something hard there. You could squeeze the thickness of him over his zipper and kiss the shock of alabaster skin on his neck, where his pulse goes all jackrabbity under your touch. You could make him forget he ever heard the name Cass Finnigan. 

And it would mean nothing. 

And you wouldn’t have to justify it, because you were drunk. That’s what you’ve always been taught.

But you uncross your arms and you pull at the hem of your skirt and look to the road, just as the van swerves into the trailer park. Munson doesn’t take such a hard turn at the corner this time, probably wary of your risk of ralphing all over the van if he does. He pulls into that negative space between your trailer and his and instructs you to wait in your seat. 

“Trust me, the descent out of this baby is much trickier than it looks,” he assures you, jogging to the passenger door, a jingle of keys and pocket chains and belts on leather, “and you’re way too gone to make it in one piece, princess.”

So he holds his hand out again (“M’shitfacedlady,”) and gingerly you take it, and it becomes very apparent very quickly that your legs have turned to rubber on the drive home. 

“Oh, shit!” 

Your attempt at gracefully exiting the van is ruined by an unsteady ankle, sending your weight right into Eddie Munson’s chest. Luckily, he was braced for it– just about. “Told you you couldn’t make it without me,” he breathes as you clutch a handful of his Metallica shirt, vision quadrupling. He’s warm, and you suddenly realize that you’re freezing.

Trembling.

“Stop flirting with me,” you hiss to one out of the four Munsons in front of you. “I need to go to bed.”

Eddie forces himself to bite back another double entendre, which is a shame, because they’re doing an awesome job of covering up how goddamn nervous he suddenly is. He moves his arm to your waist, helping you haul ass to your front door. He’s got to keep one arm outstretched behind you in case you lose your balance again– which you almost do, a couple of times, wavering around like a dashboard Jesus. 

He watches you like he’s trying to commit this to memory, the rare case of you being so beyond your usual composure. He’s even got to intervene after the first five minutes, making unlocking your front door a two idiot job.

Eddie’s about to wave you off and disappear to scream and something else into his pillow when he sees you take a dangerous lunge into the darkness of the trailer. “Woah, girl–” 

But you recover, in a kind of brainless way, taking a measured Bambi-like step forward. One after the other. 

Fuck. He can’t leave you like this. 

You’re gonna trip and brain yourself on a Fabergé egg or whatever the fuck it is you and your mom have in there. 

“Uh– Lacy?” 

The trailer is eerily quiet. You feel like you’re trespassing in your own place. Boxes of out-of-place, too-expensive ephemera are still strewn everywhere, but you navigate the maze of them like it’s nothing. Sense memory. You don’t even entirely register that Munson is following you inside, that he’s frantically whispering after you, until you reach your bedroom door. 

A coldness shoots up your spine as you turn on him. You didn’t invite him in here, did you? 

“What do you think you’re doing?” you ask for the second time tonight. This time, it comes out a little fearful. 

Eddie picks this up, right where you’ve erroneously dropped it. His chest gets a little tight. You didn’t think he was trying to–? 

“Making sure you lie down in the recovery position, that’s all,” he throws his hands up in total surrender, Scout’s honor, all that shit. “I’m not tryin’ to pick any locks tonight. I swear.” 

“I don’t need your help, Munson,” but just as you twist the doorknob, you keel over through the door, hitting the floor like a lead balloon. 

“Yeah, you keep telling me that,” he blearily smirks down at you, “And yet.”

But Munson’s not such an asshole about it that he just leaves you there. He hauls you up, again, and you stagger towards your bed, flopping face down on top of the comforter. He says some variation of okay, well, that’s how you choke to death on your own vomit, Jimi Hendrix and bullies you into the recovery position. 

“Don’t freak out, I’m just–” and Munson sits gingerly on the edge of your bed, taking one of your high heeled feet in his hands. 

What the fuck, you mumble, either aloud or in your head. But he’s fiddling with the tiny buckle at your ankle, gently undoing it. Another chill runs through your body but you don’t move, not an iota. You just… let him do it. His hands on your aching feet aren’t a totally unwelcome touch. He’s being featherlight about it, almost afraid to touch you even though he had no problem sheepdogging you into bed. 

“You could do anything to me right now,” you hear yourself saying. “No one would even know. No one would even care, I bet.” 

It’s meant to sound like you’re goading him, or even flirting with him, but it comes out sounding pitiful. You cringe, your hands creeping up to cover your face. 

“I’d care.” Munson’s voice is a tiny mumble– you know he’s just defending himself, but it kind of sounds like something else. He slips your right shoe off and sets it on the floor next to your left one. He hesitates for a moment before getting off your bed. 

“Alright, well– we can forget this ever happened. Resume being assholes to each other on Monday. Don’t, like, die in the meantime.”

“You say resume like we ever stopped being assholes to each other.”

“Have a fun hangover, Lacy.” 

–

You do not have a fun hangover. You wake up late Saturday afternoon after Friday’s bacchanal and don’t emerge from your room save from the occasional bathroom trip to puke up what little dignity you’ve got left. Sunday morning is when your mom hammers on the door and drags you to the kitchenette after confirming that you’re still, y’know, alive. 

“This is your game face, hm?” she says, pulling at your chin to examine your violet bruise that seems to have developed its own heartbeat. She doesn’t hold your face the way Munson did, gentle and searching, just tugs into the sparse light streaming into the dingy kitchenette.

You attempt to steel your jaw, but your bottom lip is starting to waver. 

“What happened?” your mother asks, and beneath all the jagged broken glass, there’s a tiny sliver of tenderness. 

Call it your pride, but you don’t reach for it. 

“I went out,” you say tightly, “and I made a fool of us.”

She hacks up a scoff through her smoker’s cough and disappears into her bedroom, leaving you alone to pick at a cold waffle. The few moments of consciousness you’ve had since Friday night have been spent trying to piece the party together– you remember clearing the better part of a bottle of cheap, cheap, shitty vodka with Robin Buckley’s help (weird), you remember getting into it with Hagan and Carol and getting wailed on. You remember getting a ride home with Munson, but the finer details of that are fuzzy. 

You think, and this is a thought that turns your already 180’d stomach, you let him into your bedroom, but you can’t be one hundred percent sure. All you know for an absolute is that your shoes came off that night, and you would never bother to take your shoes off after a night like that. 

So somebody must have. 

Meanwhile, Eddie’s been having a hell of a meanwhile. 

Fact of the matter is that you managed to detonate a nuclear bomb at Harrington’s party just under an hour after your arrival, which has got to be some kind of world record. It was also a world record for how little product he’d managed to sell during one of those parties, because he was preventing the manslaughter of a teenage girl– could’ve been you, could’ve been Carol. He nearly wishes he let that fight play out, as he stares into his empty wallet. 

Eddie’s gotta busy himself somehow, gotta do something– weirdly, he’s not in the mood to make a whole lot of noise. It’s not such a terrible day for working on his van, so he slams his toolbox on the ground and gives a couple dozen casual glances toward your bedroom window.

Your blinds still aren’t fixed. That’s got to have been shitty when you woke up with a splitting vodka headache and a shiner the size of Canada. 

Eddie keeps finding excuses to pace back and forth in perfect view of your window. Not in a peeping Tom sort of way, but in a way where he’d kind of like to see any sign of life from you. Even if you just rose from your bed like Nosferatu and gave him the finger. Then, he could relax. 

“Ed,” a gruff voice comes from the makeshift trailer porch, “fuck’re you doin’.” 

Those dulcet tones would belong to his beloved Uncle Wayne, who, ever since his hours got cut at the plant, has become unbearably observant of Eddie’s every movement. Wayne’s not a neglectful kind of father figure, not like his blinders-wearing real dad is, so he actually gets concerned when Eddie’s acting out of sorts. 

“Engine,” Eddie mumbles, pivoting fast like a kid caught doing something he shouldn’t, “Engine’s making hinky noises.”

“Sounded alright last night,” Wayne levels him instantly, “when you came home.” 

“Didn’t mean to wake ya,” he twists an oily rag in his hands, avoiding Wayne’s stony stare. 

“I was up.” He crosses his arms, leaning against the doorframe. God, whenever Wayne susses him out, it’s like drip torture. He’s slow as molasses with the confrontation on purpose, making Eddie sweat and out himself on every little fuck up he’s ever made. “You go in there?”

Chin jerks towards your trailer. Eddie’s shoulders shrug towards his ears, head tilting back. “Wayne, it’s not– she was real drunk, like blotto, I just–”

“You steer clear of that one.” It’s the definite nature with which Wayne says it that makes Eddie’s stomach drop. No prelude to it, no I know, kid, you were just tryin’ to do right by her. Nothing. 

“Wayne–”

“She ain’t what you think she is. Not if she’s anything like her bloodline.” 

He says this like the realization hasn’t hit Eddie like Carol hit you on Friday fight night. 

He says this like people haven’t been saying the same thing about Eddie for years.

–

Monday morning comes and you’re still somewhat suffering. A headache nags at your temple, but you pin that down to anxiety rather than an extended play of your hangover. 

It occurs to you that you should dress as down as possible today– realistically, of course, as you’d never be caught dead in sweatpants. You need comfort, you need something that feels like a well-worn blanket so you opt for a deep burgundy sweater dress that actually belonged to your mom in the 60s. 

You’d found it in the back of her closet when searching for a belt you knew she’d stolen from you and pulled it out. Mom! you chirped, How cute! How come you never wear this?

Oh, God, she’d cringed, batting the garment out of her way as she passed you in a cloud of Shalimar, Just throw that ratty thing out for me, would you?

But you didn’t. You kept it tucked away in the back of your closet and took it out when you needed it. When you needed to bury your face in it. Substitute it for a comfort she refused to give you. Which you realize is terrifically sad, but so’s life. 

The warm red is a distant cousin in the color family to the bruise under your eye. That bruise, it’s a glaring reminder of what a fucking loser you’ve become. The old you, the real you would never have stooped to that level– never had let them drag her down like that. But now you’re the kind of girl that screams and starts fights at parties, you guess. 

Your rage feels ugly in the cold light of day. 

You’re locking the door of the trailer behind you just as Munson emerges from his humble abode and it’s nothing short of awkward. Like you’d both seen each other naked or something.

You both stand there, in your relative doorways. His mouth gapes like he’s about to say hi, say something, and a memory comes back to you. Cold shock in the middle of a summer’s day. No one likes that. No one wants that. 

Regret stabs at you.

“Can you see it from there?” It’s the only thing you can think of to say, because you’re sure as fuck not saying hi. 

“What?”

“The bruise. Can– can you see it from over there?” 

Munson sort of half-snorts. “Not from here–”

“Ugh, thank god.”

“--but this is like, over fifteen feet away.” 

You roll your eyes, which hurts a lot, thanks guy, and walk toward his van. 

“Now?” you say, waving a hand under your eye, right where you’ve applied and blended and applied and blended a criminal amount of concealer. Munson leaves about a foot of space between you, on purpose, and you crane your neck back, on purpose. Reinstating the forcefield between you. 

“Oh yeah, you can barely even see that you got your ass kicked.”

“It’s not even eight in the morning, Munson. Do you really want to start your day with a knee to the balls?”

“You’re right. That’s usually an after-dinner activity,” he grins and jerks his head toward the van. “Need a ride?”

Need a ride? Like it’s the most ordinary, everyday thing in the world, Eddie Munson offering you a ride to school in his deathtrap of a van. Your stomach pulls at the sense memory of being in there on Friday night, and what you’ll look like getting out of it in the parking lot of Hawkins High. 

“No,” you say, shaking your head, definite and resolute. “I’m walking.” 

He scoffs. “C’mon. It’s too late to start walking now. You’ll be late for first period.” 

You scoff back, imitating him. “So what?”

“You’re never late for first period.” 

“I can be late– how the hell do you know I’m never late for first period?” 

“Because, dummy, I’m always late for first period,” he tells you, yanking open the passenger door, “And I sit behind you in History, and you’re always there when I come in, leaning back with your nose in some dumb book and your stupid hair all over my desk.” 

It’s true– you are always reading in history, because Kaminsky can’t teach for shit and you’ve already read ahead on the coursework anyway. You liked to rub that in his face by pulling out some unprescribed literature during class. Plus, no one you really care about is in your class, so you don’t have to worry about getting made fun of for having your nose in some dumb book. Illiterate jocks would never try that shit with you– nobody there would. 

Until now. 

And it’s true that Eddie Munson sits behind you, and barrels in like an idiotic excuse for a hurricane with some idiotic excuse for being late that you always scoff at, because does he ever get tired of his own bullshit. But after that brief cameo appearance in your day, you really do forget about him. 

Until now. 

“So?” he says, all expectant. 

And you consider it for a second, you really do– but you don’t think you can handle the blowback of leaving a party with Eddie Munson on Friday then turning up with him on Monday. Going to the same class. Where he sits behind you. It’s just… overexposure. 

The same realization must hit him, because all of a sudden he’s slamming the door shut with a roll of his eyes. “Whatever. Your tardy slip, babe.” You can’t help but think he sounds a little wounded. 

But fuck it. Fuck it! Since when do you stand around feeling sorry for Eddie Munson? 

Before you know it, the van roars out and leaves you in the dust. 

You don’t make it to school until after second period, because that so-called bus route a fifteen minute walk from the trailer park must not even exist, so you forge a note from your mom in the parking lot. 

As your fountain pen hovers over the paper, brainstorming an excuse, you consider pulling out the big guns– say you had to attend visitation day at the penitentiary. Use this disaster to your advantage for once; but you pull back. Scribble something about a doctor’s appointment and dot your mother’s ‘i’s with eerie precision.  

You make quick work of dropping the note off in reception– the uptick of being the kid of the town’s gossip beacon is some people still feel sorry for you. Some people weirdly include Janice, Principal Higgins’ secretary, who snatches the note from you before you can even reach the actual receptionist’s desk. 

“I’ll file that for you, dear,” she says, all coo-cooey with an unwelcome hand on your shoulder, “How are you and your poor mother doing these days? And your,” her croaky voice drops to a whisper, “dad? How is… he being treated?”

You blink at her, gripping the fountain pen in your hand. “Do you know what a shiv is, Janice?”

Just then, the bell trills and you take your leave, stepping out into the linoleum. 

Someone calls your name from down the hall. You crane your neck to see Ronnie Ecker jogging toward you, paper in hand. 

Now look, you’ve never had a problem with Ronnie Ecker. You can’t say you’re particularly fond of her but she’s smart; she keeps to herself and she was a decent lab partner during your junior year of dissecting frogs together. Squeamish, but that’s why you were there, to handle the scalpel. As much of a social outcast as she is, she’s not nearly as odious as the rest of them. That’s pretty goddamn remarkable amongst the Hawkins student body. 

She is also, you’ve come to notice, a resident of Forest Hills trailer park. 

“Hey!” she says, “Um, I noticed you missed first period and Kaminsky was handing our papers back so I figured you’d want yours…” 

“Why is everyone so obsessed with me missing first period?”

“Huh?”

“No– nothing,” you huff, taking the paper from her. A solid B on A+ material– told you Kaminsky couldn’t teach for shit. He’d be hearing from you about this. “Thanks for this, Ronnie.”

You start down the hall but notice Ronnie’s keeping in step with you. “I also just wanted to say– I heard about what happened Friday. And I think it’s sick, you standing up to Hagan like that. Asshole needed to be put in his place.” 

Well, there’s only one person she could have heard the nitty gritty of that news from. You know she’s trying to flatter you, but all you feel is a flame of embarrassment, plus a touch of anger– even though the news has easily circulated the school hallways by now. 

Along with the rumors of you taking Hargrove, Buckley and Munson, and not in a fight. 

“Well. Y’know. I was pretty wasted,” you attempt to brush it off and you see Ronnie deflate a little. 

Like you’re not the blazing hero someone made you out to be. 

“Okay, but is it true you had a threesome with Billy Hargrove and Robin Buckley and Robin was wearing the Tigers mascot suit?”

“Oh, Jesus Christ.”

–

Classes pass in a monotonous blur, like most Mondays, but worse. That would be thanks to the extra shot of dread that’s served with your cafeteria meal of a wilted salad and soda. Last week at lunchtime, you at least had a tenuous standing with your former circle– you could still sit between Tina and Nancy Wheeler and suffer Tina’s thinly veiled jabs at you with a semi-placid look on your face. Nancy would look at you with eyes full of pity, and you’d want to punch her face in, but you’d be fine. 

But now, as you stand in the cafeteria swirling with people and catch the death glares from your old table (save for Nancy and Steve Harrington, who just straight up refuse to make eye contact with you), you’re just about ready to snap. 

Your flight instinct tells you to toss the tray out of your clammy hands and run, and keep running, until you disappear into the woods behind the school, never to be found. Your body becomes mulch before anyone remembers to look for you. Maybe you make really good fertilizer and a couple of pretty weeds sprout up from where you die. 

Your bruise, under its flaking layers of concealer, throbs twice– as if to say, don’t you fucking dare.

You make a confident beeline for the table, chin tilted and eyes set in a stare that could be categorized as withering, if only it was trained on anybody in particular. You grab a chair that some dumb underclassman is about to sit in and drag it with you, legs screeeeeching across the waxed floor. 

Who gives a shit who you were on Friday night. 

“I can sit here, right?” you say, and place your tray on the table next to Ronnie Ecker. 

She just stares at you for a hot second. That’s too long to stay standing in uncertainty, so you settle your stolen chair at the table and sit next to her. 

Ronnie isn’t the only one staring, however– the rest of these dorks, all in their matching t-shirts with Satan’s fiery head emblazoned across them, are watching you with their mouths agape. 

“Is this a prank or something?” one of them, a curly-haired freshman, says. 

This question is directed toward their fearless leader, decked out in denim and leather at the head of the table. That is to say, the direct opposite end of the table that you’re sitting at. 

“That’s no way to greet a lady, Gareth,” Munson says, feigning coolness but you can tell he’s a little flustered. The dead giveaway is in the way he misses his mac and cheese with his fork, the way his solid gaze double-blinks. You’ve thrown him off game– and because he’s impossible not to overhear sometimes, you know that game is all he’s got going on at this table. 

There’s that feeling again– point to Lacy. 

“To what do we owe the pleasure?”

This is Munson’s version of what the hell do you think you’re doing, but you choose to ignore him. It’ll drive him insane, and you know that, glaring red warning sign that he is. Instead, you flash a smile at the freshman that almost makes him pass out, Cupid’s arrow struck straight through the heart. 

You cross your legs and angle your body toward Ronnie– and by extension, in the direction of your old table. You can see Carol burying her face in Tommy’s shoulder, the both of them on the verge of losing bowel control with laughter. Laughter at you. 

Who gives a shit who you were before Friday night.

“So, Ronnie,” you say, taking a sip of your Tab, “You get up to anything fun this weekend?”

author's notes: let me get ahead of everything and say yes, i am absolutely fucking with the timeline. suspend your disbelief, my beautiful babies, and enjoy steve, carol, tommy and ronnie ecker still being in high school because I SURE WILL. but on an absolutely serious note, thank you so much for all the support and each and every note you’ve put on the chapters so far. i seriously, seriously appreciate it. now, the notes: - you think eddie munson doesn’t fuck with pee-wee herman heavy? you think he didn’t watch this movie in reefer rick’s, high out of his gourd, and think oh yeah i love this freak? get REAL! RIP paul reubens, this one’s for you. specially every time i mention a handjob - eddie munson also has charlie kelly disease - speaking of iterations of always sunny characters, much like frank reynolds, there’s not a get rich quick scheme al munson hasn’t tried. we’ll get into that a little more… later - admittedly, the whole ‘face eating on bath salts’ thing didn’t gain traction until the 00s, but if hawkins is going to be ahead of its time in anything, it’s fucked up shit happening to people! - did you notice how i blended eddie and lacy’s povs in the van? i’m going to continue doing that in moments where they’re on a similar ~wavelength~ - jimi hendrix did unfortunately die of asphixiation, but instead of thinking about that, watch this sick video of him playing guitar that eddie definitely has committed to memory - RONNIE ECKER KLAXON. i know that in flight of icarus she’s described as tall, but that hasn’t stopped me fancasting her as ayo edebiri in an eddie munson wig - at this point, you might be thinking damn, everyone sure seems to hate each other in this story. like, why is nancy wheeler catching strays? i’m here to remind you it’s the 1980s and teenagers kind of suck. play the track - thanks again for all the love! you can keep this crazy train going by liking, commenting, reblogging and generally showing me the same kindness you’ve shown me so far. love u my little hellcats

[weebsinstash]

Alright bestie I’m on that shit again

So yandere Superman, right? Like obviously your fucked. The only other yandere in existence that might just be able to keep you from him is Batman, but even then he’d probably sooner work together just to ensure your safety- but that’s a prompt for another day.

Back to yan Superman, imagine you’re his darling and he is “keeping you safe”. But one day, you get snatched up by some organization that wants to use you as leverage or some shit, but you are just sobbing in relief at maybe being free- only to have Superman show up and do some not so super things to everyone who “stole” you

There are just so many casually horrifying things about Superman that people don't realize until you start like digging into his lore. "Oh he's super strong and a super fast flyer" actually he can do basically anything at those super speeds to the point he can literally even PROCESS THOUGHTS at near light-speed which means he has Absolutely Terrifying reaction times and can make plans and schemes on a dime, which, you know, can be even better utilized by him being intelligent. He has natural invulnerability so if you throw a punch at him too hard you could literally shatter the bones in your hand and he can't even control that, like you could literally hurt yourself with him on accident! He can see across INSANE DISTANCES and his x-ray vision doesn't have like a set range so he could do anything from, peep inside buildings to spy on you, to looking under your clothing for any bruises or injuries or even self harm marks, to peeking behind your hero disguise to learn your true identity, to seeing if there's anything inside your stomach and seeing if you're eating properly. Like jesus christ he literally found out Lois was pregnant from waking up one morning and suddenly hearing the heartbeat of the FETUS, there's literally nothing from him pulling that stereotypical "I know you're nervous or lying or afraid because I can literally hear your heartbeat increase" scary bullshit

And let's talk about Lois for a sec because my god her death was literally what kicked off the Injustice timeline? And there are other forms of Superman media where she just straight up dies naturally of cancer! Sure we could take the easy way and say "in this au Lois never existed or was just Clark's friend and he loved YOU" (which is my preferred default tbh bc, no competition for Reader lol) but I mean if you're going for that angst, that real whump, a yandere Clark Kent that just lost his wife/unborn child to either the Injustice incident or cancer, now overcome with grief? And in those cancer timelines they usually already have a son, Jonathan, and sometimes Jordan, and here's Clark thinking, well, his boy needs a mother, and he's got these weird feelings for you, and lil Jonny clearly has affection for you, maybe bring a bit of a platonic yan himself who sees you as either a big sister or even a secondary mom, so... be his wife maybe?

Like my god if Reader somehow helped him through the grief of losing Lois and managed to avoid "fully activating" Superman's anime villain arc, like he's going full fascist in the Injustice 2 Bad Ending, then some shit DEFINITELY goes down when Reader gets taken away. It just reactivates all his trauma. No! He can't lose anyone else! Jonathan can't lose anyone else! You're not just someone he loves, you're his FRIEND!

You're just huddled in whatever cell you've been kept in with your black eyes and bruises and knuckles bloodied from trying to fight back when you hear Clark's voice and you look up with excitement that just falls immediately off your face because holy shit did he just unlock that thumbprint scanner with a severed arm, and suddenly you're realizing there are other shades of red on his costume and dripping from his fingers

I can only imagine like, ngl I considered a sequel to my fic Doubt where Reader escapes the manor and runs into Supernan as the only other person who can protect you, so here we would have the inverse: you're the only one who knows about Clark's increasing instability and, while you still have your own freedom and autonomy, try to speak to Bruce about it, and now you have Batman Vs Superman: Competing For Your Heart Edition. I can only imagine what sort of unhinged reactions there would be if you think you've got Batman alone and you're beginning to cry all "Bruce I'm really worried about Clark, he isn't acting like himself, there's something wrong with him" and. Clark is like literally using his x-ray vision to read lips through the walls if he can't use his super hearing to outright eavesdrop.

Of course as you suggested, I'm always a slut for ideas with"oh shit I ran to this guy to help me and he's ALSO crazy, now they're teaming up and I'm in some weird shared/poly situation with TWO nutjobs". Lmao you go to Bruce concerned about Kal and Bruce goes to confront him and Clark just drops "did you know Y/N has been hiding self harm cuts under their hero suit also wow they smoke HELLA weed and im worried about their lungs and all the stuff they do when they're alone that no one else knows about 🥺" and suddenly here's Bruce " thanks i hate this actually :)" and there's a scheme concted to spy on you or move you elsewhere.

I've even thought of "Reader oh nooOoooOo, that, giant monster or villain attack or whatever also coincidentally destroyed your shitty little apartment complex? You mean Clark 'accidently' got sent flying into your building or smacked some giant creature into it and now you don't have a place to live? And you're broke too? Oh no 🥺 Well, BATMAN has this nice big house with lots of room in for you to stay toooootally 'temporarily', we PROMISE uwu"

Batman is the one who can put a tracking chip injected into your skin or even disguised as a filling in one of your teeth, and Superman is the one who can zoom off to rescue you/retrieve you "faster than a speeding bullet". I think one of the only people who could bring them down together at that point would be like. Fucking DARKSEID and, Jesus no, you definitely don't want HIM treating you as a pet 😭 the evil Batman that was brainwashed by him in the Apokolips War movie was scary enough (and scary HOT, lmao, let him keep me as some sort of prize and the only luxury Darkseid will allow him as a reward for his obedience. Lord Batman goes from having a meeting talking about like enslaving people to returning to his quarters and railing tf outta you because he's still holding onto some slim vestiges of humanity where he cares about you but also using you as his personal anti stress fuck toy)

[paradoxcase]

Gideon the Ninth audiobook, rest of Part 1

One thing you can say for audiobooks, they go faster, especially since I'm not essentially reading everything twice now. But I don't feel like I would retain it in the same way I do when I read visually, if this were the first time through

I am getting used to the pronunciation of "Nonagesimus", as expected

More voices:

Teacher is not at all what I expected, I expected more disconcerting jollity and less creaky old person voice. The nonbinary priest I expected to be more creaky, but their voice is not creaky at all

Cytherea's voice is basically exactly what I imagined, though

Also, Teacher's pronunciation of "Naberius" doesn't match the pronunciation guide here, or the pronunciation in the Dramatis Personae, which is odd

More stuff I noticed:

Aiglamene said, when looking for a sword: "I'm looking for a blade in the style of [Ortus's] great-grandmother's." Is this the great-grandmother who owned Nonius's sword that Ortus was talking about with Abigail in Harrow the Ninth?

Gideon asks "How are you going to get Ortus back, anyway?" and Harrow has a moment where she reacts to that - originally I though this was just reluctance to break it to Gideon that she was replacing him, but I now I think it's that they have gotten the news that the shuttle exploded

Gideon makes a joke that by being Harrow's cavalier she would be responsible for aiding "Harrowhark Nonagesimus's fascist rise to power." But what historical reference does she actually have for fascist rises to power? Nobody remembers WWII anymore. Arguably the only fascist rise to power they have a reference for is John's if you want to label him that way, and certainly none of them objected to that (or, I think, even have much information about it). I don't think this universe has the historical and political depth for a character to be making a joke like this

Aiglamene tells Harrow that if she doesn't free Gideon after attaining Lyctorhood, she would consider it a betrayal, because she's trying to secure freedom for Gideon in order to get her to go along with the plan to go to Canaan House with Harrow. I think this goes a long way to explain why Aiglamene is very angry at Harrow at the end of Nona when she finds out that Gideon died

Harrow says "we're not becoming an appendix of the Third or Fifth House" when talking about why it's important to not reveal the state of the Ninth to anyone. I missed this the first time through, but it's making more sense to me now why Harrow didn't want outside help

Harrow says "I'll mix bonemeal in with your breakfast and punch my way through your gut" which I have seen other people comment on, although I can't remember if I ever said anything about it myself. But my thought is that the reason Harrow was able to conceive of and execute the soup assassination while incredibly sleep deprived was that she had already worked out and finalized the whole plan back on the Ninth when she was coming up with ways to torment Gideon. It was probably just lucky that that plan also turned out to be effective against a Lyctor

I know the sunglasses are mostly a meme, but I'm wondering now why there were sunglasses on Pluto for Gideon to find. That seems like the last place in the universe for there to be sunglasses

The description of Teacher's belt doesn't really resemble the friendship bracelets, I don't think, although it is described as being rainbow colored

The narration says "her legs ran as swiftly as her awful judgement" when Gideon is running to rescue Cytherea, which seems a bit like foreshadowing, since I think on the first readthrough the reader doesn't have a reason to find fault with her judgement here

[doomdoomofdoom]

Since it keeps getting brought up together with Nimona (which is currently free on YouTube and you should watch it a thousand times), I decided to watch Disneys Wish and,,,

I mean it's not an awful movie. I'm on the fence whether I'd call it bad, but it definitely is inadequate.

The movie refuses to commit to anything. The animation style is caught between storybook and refusal to let go of their 3D formula. The story has several beats it could play off really strongly, but refuses to engage with: The kingdom can't decide if it's a fascist state or a free land under a kinda wack dude. It can't even decide if the people there are happy or not. The dissonance in language is ridiculous, especially within the songs. Your villain song by the medieval king sorcerer should not start with "Peep the name" or randomly talk about genetics?? (I'm pretty sure they only included this so they could make a vague joke about his ass, since the line is "I got these genes from outer space", with "genes" sounding the same as "jeans" - which also have no place in the setting.) I don't think anything could have prepared me for the sucker punch that is a bunch of woodland creatures singing about being shareholders.

I also feel like the audio mixing during the songs is off, I think it's because it doesn't account for atmosphere and the acoustics of its locations, but I do not have a good audio brain. Someone else is more qualified for that.

There's a bunch of cinema sins level criticisms I could make about the story, like "why doesnt anyone outisde the kingdom learn magic" or "mathematically it makes no sense to assume every wish would be granted", but I think that goes against good faith criticism.

The movie also has a huge problem with showing vs telling. We have two characters dedicated to hyping up how much Asha cares for everyone, and within the movie she acts pretty much opposite to that claim. Similarly, we're told that the king clearly rose to this power and status by being so cool and charismatic, but every time he opens his mouth he sounds like a pseudo-intellectual twitter thread.

And don't get me started on the whole self-references thing. I'm normally fond of easter eggs like that, but these just shatter immersion into little pieces. There's a scene where the villain just describes the plots of three different Disney movies. Instead of giving the protagonist a distinct outfit, she spends half the movie wearing the Fairy Godmother's cloak. The entire movie's premise is just "When You Wish Upon A Star".

I do like the attempt at diversity, Asha's best friend using a crutch to get around is never pointed out as unusual and her friend group is presumably diverse in character and race. Unfortunately, I can only name two of them. I can't even tell you how many people the group consists of, that's how undefined they are.

I don't like shitting on a piece of media/art because even if it was created by a shitty greedy garbage studio to hit their ridiculous release schedule, there are always genuinely passionate artists involved in the production. It's a shame they didn't get to shine in this mediocre disappointment.

Anyway, go watch Nimona.

[starlingsrps]

i'll tell you everything about being free.

they’ve got ten days before they’re supposed to report at camp dix and then bound for an RAF base in england and god only fucking knows what from there. the plan had been to split for a few days to say goodbye to their families before meeting up again in new york for a little hell raising.

and then indigo had met eliza.

instead of those plans, he’s sweating his ass off in his dress uniform inside a jewelry store in los angeles waiting for indigo to finish picking out a wedding band for his blushing bride so they can meet at the courthouse. california holds zero charms for him and he doesn’t understand how people actually like this shit, let alone live here year round. there’s sweat in places he doesn’t usually care to have sweat, he’s five more minutes from smelling like wet dog, and needs a drink in a way that he should probably worry about more but that feels primal at the same time. 

he likes eliza just fine. she’s sharp as hell and indigo looks at her like she’s made of solid gold. if he didn’t know they’d only met three times, he’d assume they’ve known each other for years. it’s enough to make a man believe in love but that doesn’t mean he thinks this is the best idea indigo’s ever had. the odds aren’t exactly in their favor once they get to europe but david figures that if he takes down enough fascists in the process, it’ll even itself out. indigo had had the same point of view but now that he’s going to have someone back home, david has his concerns.

indigo calls him over to the counter from where he’s languishing by a fan for his opinion on a band. he squints at it and shrugs. it looks like every other wedding band he’s ever seen in his life - gold, round. nothing flashy but eliza’s a pilot too. chances are it’ll live on a chain around her neck. “aren’t you supposed to get her a gouger?”

indigo makes a little pffing sound and hands it back to the salesgirl, telling her he’ll take it. “gouger after the war.” 

“gouger makes a statement.”

“y’know, we’re the same rank and i know i’m sure as hell not making gouger pay so i’m wondering where you’re getting that from.”

david shrugs and goes back over to the fan. “i see movies.” indigo pays the clerk and they make their way out of the store. “still time to run,” he comments. “we can be in tijuana by sundown.”

“you can be in tijuana by sundown,” he says, holding out the ring box to david. “i’m getting married.”

david pockets it and slips his sunglasses back on. even if he thinks this isn’t the best idea, he’s determined to hold up his end on best man duties. holding the ring and offering to facilitate an escape feels about the best he can do under the circumstances. “you’re sure?”

indigo smiles but it’s dead serious. “never surer. you’ll get it one of these days.”

david snorts. “yeah, you can shoot me first.”

eliza is waiting on a bench at the courthouse with her friend claire. david hates the pang he feels when he watch them greet each other. she’ll take care of his friend. she’ll keep him sharp and they’ll have their six kids in the seattle suburbs and he’ll be uncle david who comes to visit once a month. the future will be fine - they all just have to survive this fucking war first.

he doesn’t really talk to claire until it’s all said and done. she’s a tiny little thing, especially among the the rest of them, and while the happy newlyweds drift ahead of them on the sidewalk on the way to dinner, david tries to hang back so she isn’t walking alone. indigo and eliza are in a world of their own anyway.

“they’re sweet together,” claire says.

“the timing’s shit.” david doesn’t realize that he’s said it out loud until claire’s very frosty “oh?” and now he feels like he has to finish the thought.

“think about it. we’re - he’s leaving for who the fuck knows how long in a week. we’re pilots.”

“eliza’s a pilot,” claire interjects and david scoffs.

“not like this.”

“don’t let her hear you say that. i think it’s bad luck for a bride to punch someone in the nose on her wedding day.”

he doesn’t doubt for a second that eliza would punch him in the nose. “i’m not dumb enough to talk shit about a wasp. our odds are worse, that’s all.”

she doesn’t say anything, just gives him a cool look that makes him sigh. he feels trapped in this conversation and he just didn’t want her to get lost.

“it’s 50-50 every damn time. he’s a lucky son of a bitch but you can’t get lucky every time.”

“and does that apply to you too?”

“of course. but i’m not leaving anyone behind.”

“no friends, no family…?”

he scoffs. “i wasn’t hatched.”

“you don’t think they’d miss you?”

indigo and eliza have turned the corner ahead of them and they stop on the sidewalk. if david is going to have it out, it’s probably best to do it just the two of them

“that’s not what i meant and you know that. i’m not leaving anyone that relies on me.”

“well aren’t you optimistic?”

his smile is tight and he knows it. “that’s what the other fifty is for.”

“are we done? i’d like to get back to celebrating.”

“we’re done.”

screw it, she can get lost.

[mylesstories]

incorrect quotes !!

==========

mari: wake me up-

marco: before you go go

julia: when september ends

caleb: WAKE ME UP INSIDE

==============

mari: you know, marco gives caleb flowers everyday, i wish you’d do that too.

julia: okay

*later*

julia: *gives caleb flowers*

caleb: ???

julia: i don’t know, i’m confused as well

==============

caleb: stop doing that

marco: doing what?

caleb: saying things that make me wanna kiss the hell out of you

==============

marco: be a better person!!

caleb: why?!

marco: because someone needs to have morals in this relationship, and it sure as fuck ain’t gonna be me, sweetheart!!

==============

marco: i owe you one

caleb: that’s okay. you can just date me and we’ll call it even

==============

marco: would you slap lucas-

mari: yes.

marco: i didn’t even finish!

mari: sorry, continue.

marco: would you slap lucas for $10?

mari: i would do it for free

lucas: rude…

==============

caleb: you get turned back into a baby, but you retain all your skills and memory. what do you do?

mari: eat a nickel

caleb: a reminder: you have retained all your skills and memories

leo: eat a nickel

caleb: okay.

==============

lucas: hey, do you know anyone who can teach me to play the trumpet?

marco: why?

lucas: i want to wander around playing it to annoy leo

marco: technically, you don’t actually need to know how to play the trumpet well for that

lucas: marco, you have opened my eyes

==============

caleb: julia doesn’t look very happy

mari: that’s her happy. she’s just a bitch

==============

leo: hey, you want a tarot reading?

caleb: those are pokémon cards

leo: you got a magikarp

caleb: …

leo: it means “fuck you”

==============

mari: i’ve been dropping her the most insanely obvious hints for, like, a year now. no response

julia: wow. she sounds stupid

mari: but she’s not. she’s really smart, actually. just dense

julia: maybe you need to be more obvious? like, i don’t know… “hey! i love you!”

mari: i guess you’re right. hey julia! i love you!

julia: see? just say that!

mari: holy fucking shit

julia: if that flies over her head then, sorry mari, but they’re too dumb for you

mari: julia.

==============

mari: i am so cool. i am an absolute chad. i am the epitome of coolness and awesomeness-

julia: hi!

mari: *melts down in a flustered heap of softness*

==============

julia: being gay is a constant battle between “i wish to sit on a window bench with my girlfriend, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds” and “hey, let’s go throw rocks at fascists” and i think that’s very sexy of us

mari: if the window’s open and you time it right, you can do both

==============

“you’re straight”

caleb: the fuck, no i’m not

leo: excuse the hell out of you?

lucas: ding dong, you are wrong!

julia: who told you that? and why did they lie?

mari: rude

marco: *punches the person*

==============

caleb: marco and i were crossing the street, and this man drove by and honked at us

julia: what did you do?

caleb: he chased him to the next red light, and reached into his window and-

marco: *walking in* who wants a steering wheel?

==============

lucas: can you cut me some slack, leo? i’m sort of in love

leo: i’m sorry, but that’s not really my problem

lucas: i’m in love with you

leo: *blushes* oh. that brings me in the loop a little

==============

leo: count me in!

mari: who the hell are you?

leo: oh, you know my brother! he worked at wendy’s

mari: oh yeah, caleb! how is he doing?

leo: oh yeah, not too good. he’s been dead for the past month

lucas: what the hell, he didn’t tell us!

==============

marco, wearing shades: rule one of destroying the world

marco: *does finger guns* you gotta look good while doing it

==============

lucas: do you want to explain this text you sent me last night?

leo: it was autocorrect

lucas: autocorrect wrote “you’re so hot. please step on me”?

leo: yes.

==============

caleb: being gay isn’t a choice. it’s a game and i’m winning

==============

marco: yeah, well, i’ve never died so how do i know that god is real

==============

caleb: ugh, crushes are so dumb

marco: i know. whenever i’m near the person i like i just start acting stupid

caleb: but you’re always acting stupid?

marco: …

marco: yeah, don’t think about that too hard

==============

lucas: my level of gay has reached “sighing deeply whenever anything extremely heterosexual happens near me”

==============

marco: i’m gonna nickname my hypothetical child “lil bitch”

julia: i see you’re passing on your name

==============

marco: i know you love them

leo: i am not in love with lucas!

marco, staring at leo: i never said who…

leo: *realises*

leo: shit. well, anyways-

==============

julia: i’ve invited you here because i crave the deadliest game

marco, nodding: knife monopoly

julia: i was actually gonna play russian roulette, but now i’m really interested in whatever knife monopoly is

==============

julia: italics

marco: yeah, italians

==============

caleb: i’m an expert in identifying birds

mari: okay, what about those ones flying over there?

caleb: yeah, they’re all birds

==============

lucas: my life is a little too much panic and not enough disco

marco: my life is a little too much fall and not enough boy

mari: my life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance

leo: my life is a little too much imagination and not nearly enough dragons

==============

mari: you know what i asked santa for this christmas?

julia: if you say me, i swear i’ll-

mari: you? what? no, i asked him for that cool ninjago set we saw in target!

==============

mari: i think we can all agree i’m the ten amongst these threes

==============

lucas: i started school with straight a’s. now i’m not even straight

==============

caleb: do you guys hear something?

mari: i hear the sound of you shutting the fuck up

==============

marco: i don’t need to go to bed. i’m not tired, i’ll be fine

caleb: but, darling, i’ll be so lonely without you. come curl up in my arms so i can feel whole again

marco: o-oh. well. are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns?

caleb: is it working?

==============

lucas: i believe in you, julia!

julia, to herself: god, i must suck. the nicest thing lucas can think to say to me is that he doesn’t doubt my existence

==============

noah: go to sleep or you’ll hate yourself in the morning!

leo: i’ll hate myself in the morning regardless

==============

caleb: let’s all agree that going up the stairs on all fours is actually the best experience on earth

noah: conversely, going down the stairs on all fours is actually the most terrifying experience on earth

==============

*marco and lucas enter a dive bar*

marco: look, i know you’re disappointed but could we at least have a drink

lucas, in a scuba diving suit: i would like to leave, please

==============

lucas: guys! i found a 100 dollar bill!

lucas: *looks around* … should i keep it?

julia: lucas, just do the right thing

noah: and put it in your bag

julia: no—

==============

leo: *spits a mouthful of blood onto the floor* you’ve become far more powerful since we last crossed paths

dentist: please stop, there’s literally a sink right next to you

==============

mari: where are you going?

marco: hell, eventually

==============

lucas: wanna head some dark humour

mari: yeah, i love dark humour

lucas: alright

lucas: *turns off the lights*

lucas: knock knock

mari: turn the damn lights back on

==============

lucas: im bored, any suggestions?

julia: sleeping is nice

lucas: i acknowledge your suggestion, and i’m deciding to ignore it

==============

marco: you remind me of the ocean

mari: because i’m deep and mysterious?

marco: no, because youre full of salt and you scare people

==============

julia: can i have your number?

mari, visibly texting: i don’t have a phone

==============

noah: here you go, mari, a nice hot cup of coffee!

mari: it’s cold

noah: a nice cup of coffee

mari: it’s horrible!

noah: a cup of coffee

mari: im not sure if this even IS coffee

noah: c u p

==============

caleb: i’ve been described as a “heartless villain” and a “little shit”, but i prefer… “has alternative ways of having fun”

==============

julia: team a will consist of myself, marco, mari and lucas

julia: team b will consist of caleb

==============

marco: *dies*

julia: timer starts now! when is he coming back? i say two months!

lucas: bullshit. one month

mari: nah, half a month

noah, sobbing: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? MARCO JUST DIED!

caleb, scratching his chin in thought: one week

==============

marco: did you wash the dishes?

leo: i thought you wanted to do that…

marco: *chuckles* you were WRONG

==============

lucas: why does julia always do the laundry so loudly?

marco: so everyone knows that no one helps her out in the house

julia, in the distance: *slams the washing machine shut*

==============

caleb: if i had a face like yours, i’d put it on a wall and throw a brick at it

leo: if i had a face like YOURS, i’d put it on a brick and throw a wall at it

==============

lucas: so, according to my university, it is, quote, “my responsibility if there is an internet outage to contact the faculty and the department”

lucas: now, if you’re a critical thinker like me, you might be wondering one thing

lucas: HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO EMAIL THE DEPARTMENT?!?!?!

==============

noah: if julia and i were drowning, who would you save?

mari: you two can’t swim?

noah: it’s a hypothetical question, mari! who would you save?

mari: my time and effort

==============

leo: julia, take out the trash

julia: sure, noah, will you go out on a date with me?

==============

caleb: remember everyone, violence is never the answer

noah: you’re right, caleb… violence can’t be the answer

caleb: correct, noah. now, onto the next lesso—

noah: violence is the question

noah: and the answer is yes!

caleb: noah, no!!

==============

leo, upon learning how julia did a magic trick: so you’re not magic?

julia: well, not really

leo: you’re just a liar

==============

caleb: quick! you must come with me! you’re in great danger!

mari: why?!

caleb: because i’ll kill you if you don’t

==============

mari: what are your three best qualities?

julia: i’m hot, i have soft hair, and sometimes i cry because i love my friends

==============

leo: are you trying to give me a fucking aneurysm?

caleb: pretty sure we all are

lucas: i wasn’t

marco: i was

mari: i was trying to stop him, for your consideration

julia: i just cause aneurysms naturally

==============

mari: what do people in relationships even do?

marco: care about someone with your whole heart and dedicate your life to making them happy

mari: okay. didn’t ask

julia: asks question

julia: “didn’t ask”

mari: thanks for the play by play, captain fuck

==============

noah and marco: *speaking spanish*

noah: i know, i know

mari: you speak spanish?

noah: no, i just know the phrase “this is all your fault” in every language marco speaks

==============

julia: i am 39 cheetos tall

leo: why… are you measuring your height in cheetos?

julia: because we’re out of doritos

==============

noah: do you love marco?

caleb: yeah, i do

noah: julia! i told you i knew it! you owe me 100 bucks!

julia: we all love marco. you should’ve asked if he was IN love with him

caleb: i thought that was implied

julia: …

noah: …

caleb, looking straight at julia: congrats noah, you just won 100 bucks

==============

marco: can you PLEASE peer pressure me into doing my project?

noah: do it or you’re straight

marco: i said peer pressure, NOT THREATEN!

==============

lucas: would you rather kill julia, or—

leo: yes, kill her

lucas: i didn’t say the other thing—

leo: i don’t to hear it

julia: … i’m feeling a little unsafe

==============

julia: i’m proud to identify as morosexual. i’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. someone asked me what the spanish word for “tortilla” was once, and now i dream of kissing them under the moonlight

mari: what kind of animal is the pink panther?

julia, already taking off her clothes: god, mari, you’re so fucking stupid

==============

leo: hand me the people opener

caleb: …

caleb: pardon?

leo, annoyed: the…— just hand it to me!

caleb, stressed: WHAT THE FUCK IS A PEOPLE OPENER?

leo: how do you not know what a people opener is? it’s pointy- you know? with a handle?

caleb: knife. it’s called a knife

==============

caleb, about marco: can i tell him he looks nice?

noah: sure

caleb: can i tell him i respect him?

noah: maybe, if he asks

caleb: should i show him an oil painting i made of us surrounded by our three cats and four dogs?

noah: …

noah: i’d save that for later

==============

lucas: i thought i told to you to stop reading my emails

marco: well, i thought i told you to stop keeping secrets!

==============

caleb: well, mari, is there anything you would like to say to noah?

mari: how do i put this delicately? you’re a horrible roommate and no one likes you

caleb: how about we frame our statement with “web you do this, it makes me feel this”?

mari: when you live here, it makes me angry. because you’re a horrible roommate and no one likes you

==============

the squad: *walking to the mall*

marco: hey, have any of you guys seen mari? they’ve been gone for a while

lucas: eh, nope

noah: no, i haven’t…

leo: probably ran off to mcdonald’s or something

mari: hey

marco: ooh, there you are—

lucas: what the fu—

leo: i— where were you?!

mari: walking right behind you guys

==============

julia: hey, thanks for checking in, im ✨still a piece of garbage✨

==============

marco: i just got the best idea i’ve ever had in my entire life!

*later*

lucas, to marco: that was the worst idea you’ve ever had in your entire life

==============

lucas: you’re mean!

julia: you’re meaner!

lucas: yeah, well, you’re ugly too!

julia: you’re uglier!

lucas: you’re a dumbass!

julia: you’re a dumberass!

lucas: you think “dumberass” is a good insult!

==============

mari: julia’s refusing to wear her glasses!

julia: mari, look, i wore the glasses for a day. my eyes are much better now. watch

julia: *points to marco* marco

julia: *points to noah* noah

julia: *points to caleb* sasquatch

==============

caleb: thanks for opening my message and not responding

lucas: all good dude, any time

caleb: fuck you

==============

julia: why do you think i don’t like you? i do. i would kill for you

julia: ask me to kill for you

mari; … first of all, calm down—

==============

caleb: i can’t take you seriously wearing that

marco: aw, you take me seriously at all?

caleb: fair point

==============

mari: alright, listen up you little shits

mari: not you noah. you’re an angel and we’re thrilled you’re here

==============

julia: *sees someone doing something stupid*

julia: what an idiot

julia: *realises it’s mari*

julia: wait, that’s MY idiot!

==============

mari: i’m sorry for being annoying

mari: it will happen again

==============

marco: underestimate me. that’ll be fun

==============

noah: how late were you up last night?

marco & julia, in tandem: me?

noah: no, not you two. you stay up late all the time

noah, to mari: you

==============

julia: can you be serious for five minutes?

caleb: my record is four, but i think i can do it

==============

mari: hey, do you know anyone who can teach me to play the trumpet?

julia: why?

mari: i want to wander around playing it to annoy caleb

julia: technically, you don’t actually need to know how to play the trumpet well for that

mari: julia, you have opened my eyes

==============

mari: please confirm to your knowledge that you are not a fully robotic being, were born an organic creature, and do in fact posses what many cultures would call a soul

julia: what? “to my knowledge”? do a lot of people not know if they’re robots?

mari: thank you for your confirmation

==============

caleb: can we get a birthday cake?

leo: it’s not our birthday

caleb: the cake won’t know!

==============

lucas: the best part of an oreo is the cookie part, not the frosting. deal with it

mari: darkness without light is an abyss. light without darkness is blinding. you cannot have a coin with one side

marco: YO SOCRATES! IT’S A FUCKING COOKIE!

==============

caleb: could you be any more annoying?

mari: yes

==============

caleb: i don’t even use tubberware anymore

julia: what are you saying? say it again

caleb: tubberware

julia: say it again. slow

caleb: tubberware

julia: slow, very slow — actually, say the first syllable

caleb: tub

julia: wrong

caleb: what do you mean, wrong?

julia: i thought i caught that. you’re saying tub. it’s p

caleb: what are you talking about?

julia: tupperware. tupper

caleb: it’s tupper?

julia: it’s tupper, always has been, always will be

caleb: i thought it was tubberware because it kind of looks like a tub

==============

lucas: you have any sunscreen?

leo: you can’t get sunburnt from a bonfire—

lucas: it’s for my marshmallow ya dummy

==============

caleb: can i go to the pool?

noah: sure, we’ll go as soon as i’m free

caleb: no, can i go by myself?

noah: you don’t want to go with me?

caleb: you just go around challenging random people to cannonball contests

noah: it’s the only way to establish dominance

==============

mari: why are you doing this?

caleb: same reason i do everything, mari. to get someone to like me

==============

caleb: truth or dare?

julia: truth!

caleb: do you—

mari: i dare you to kiss me

julia: *kisses mari*

caleb, to lucas: she said “truth”, right?

==============

mari: *sighs* i have no friends…

lucas: …

lucas: *coughs* bitch, what am i? a roach?

==============

noah: *closes a cabinet*

*a crash is heard behind the cabinet door*

julia: what was that?

noah: the sound of someone else’s problem

==============

lucas: look, leo, if you can fit your head down the gun’s barrel, you can assume it doesn’t have a non-lethal setting

==============

lucas: money… is like president trading cards

==============

mari: ew. what kind of tea is this?

marco: i boiled gatorade

==============

lucas: what’s your greatest weakness?

leo: interpreting the semantics of a question, but ignoring the pragmatics

lucas: could you give me an example?

leo: yes, i could

==============

marco: you’re a lying piece of shit!

mari: oh yeah? you’re the idiot that thinks you can get away with everything you do, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!

leo: i’m leaving and i’m taking lucas with me!

julia, gathering cards: aaaaand that’s enough monopoly for today

==============

mari: look, i’m glad everyone’s on the same page

mari: but it’s the last page in a book titled “we’re all going to die”

noah: that’s not even clever

==============

leo: slams books down in front of marco*

leo: boils up some mountain dew. it’s gonna be long night

marco: you could of said literally anything else

leo: cauldron boil and cauldron bubble, baja blast to fuel my trouble

marco: i’m going to just stop challenging you when you say random shit. i won’t win. i realise this now

==============

mari: impossible burger? please

mari: through christ, all things are possible

==============

noah: ask me anything. go ahead, i’ll give you a straight answer

marco: why are we so fucking awesome?

noah: that’s the best fucking question anybody’s ever asked

==============

mari: let me copy your homework

caleb: i was gonna copy yours

mari: well, shit

caleb: guess i’m not doing it

==============

noah, texting marco: roses are red, tony hawk is a skater

marco’s phone, auto-replying: i’m driving right now—i’ll get back to you later

*later*

marco, texting back: fuck you

==============

leo: mari has never seen star wars? lucas, the only people in the universe who haven’t seen star wars are the characters in star wars and that’s cause they lived them, lucas! that’s cause they lives the star wars!

==============

mari: hey marco, have you seen the photographer?

marco: nope. have you seen the meat tenderiser?

mari, confused: what?

marco, grabbing the meat tenderiser out of the drawer: no reason, cute guy things!

==============

julia: i have a problem

marco: kill it

julia: can you chill for like, two seconds?

==============

caleb: there’s no i in happyness…

mari: there is if you fucking spell it right

==============

marco: why is noah making me do the dishes again? you haven’t washed them in a week, julia!

julia: it’s because i’m noah’s favourite

marco: i hate you

==============

leo: so, julia and marco

leo: according to this, you two are being accused of: armed robbery, vandalism, drug abuse, grand theft auto…

julia: we had a bad day

leo: and… MURDER?!

marco: it was a pretty bad day…

==============

julia: you’re a horrible person!

marco: maybe. but i’m rich and pretty, so it doesn’t really matter

==============

noah: rules were made to be broken

lucas: they were made to be followed. nothing is made to be broken

caleb: uh, piñatas

julia: glow sticks

marco: karate boards

mari: spaghetti when you have a small pot

noah: rules

lucas: …

==============

mari: are we fighting or flirting?

julia: i’m pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck—

mari: your point?

==============

julia: you want to know why people are so afraid of clowns? well you know what people say about how their feet aren’t the only thing that’s big? and how people who drive really big cars have small dicks? well clowns are out there with their big feet and tiny cars…

==============

julia: how gould you like your pancakes?

caleb: plain

leo: with sprinkles!

mari: chocolate chips

lucas: potatoes

*caleb, leo, and mari look at lucas*

lucas: what? they’re good

==============

noah: that’s greatly offensive to my people

leo: college dropouts?

==============

leo: so we’re gonna read what we wrote down so we can tell everyone in the class something about ourselves

noah: okay, my name is noah but you can refer to me as lord farquaad

leo: okay tha ts not happening— how about you!

mari: i’m mari and i like the movie white chicks!

leo: … okay… whatever, i respect that

caleb: my name is caleb and i hate this place, it actually sucks here…

leo: okay… and you…

marco: *nervous* uhhh my name is marco and my favourite colour is… math

==============

leo: what does a winner to when life gives them lemons?

lucas: um, make lemonade?

leo: no, they squeeze them right back into life’s eyes!

==============

lucas, dramatically: they called me a fool

marco, sick of lucas’s shit: they weren’t wrong

==============

mari: but who gets which pencil?

julia: since they’re my things, i get the good one, leo gets the broken one and you don’t get one because fuck you

==============

mari: okay, but what if we went to dinner not as friends this time?

julia: AS ENEMIES?!

mari:

==============

caleb, smugly, fate security arrives to escort leo and marco out: to, do you wanna walk out of here or do you want to be carried out?

leo, in defeat: let’s go

marco: wait

leo: what?

marco: i’d kinda like to be carried out…

==============

caleb: hey, if you type in your password, it’ll show in stars

caleb: ********* see!

lucas: hunter2

lucas: doesn’t look like stars to me

caleb: lucas: *******

caleb: that’s what i see

lucas: oh, really?

caleb: absolutely

lucas: you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2

lucas: haha, does that look funny to you?

caleb: lol, yes. see when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******

lucas: that’s cool. i didn’t know this site did that

caleb: yup. no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as *******

lucas: awesome

lucas: wait, how do you know my password?

caleb: er, i just copy pasted YOUR ******’s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause it’s your password

lucas: oh, ok

==============

mari: you’re ignoring all your problems

lucas: i know

mari: you also know it’s an unhealthy coping mechanism?

lucas: i’m ignoreing that fact as well

mari:

==============

caleb: due to personal reasons, i will be fucking sinking to the bottom of an ocean in a large metal box

lucas: did marco say “i love you” and you said “thanks”?

caleb: THE REASONS ARE PERSONAL—

==============

julia: my only talent is being stress

lucas: don’t you mean stressed?

julia: no

==============

lucas: wow! leo made you cry?

marco, tearing up: yea, and he said some really mean things that are only partly true

==============

marco: *yawns*

caleb: yeah, being that pretty must be tiring

marco: then you must be exhausted

leo: will you two shut up? some of us are lonely

==============

lucas: have you heard about murphy’s law? the one where if something can go wrong, it will go wrong?

caleb: yeah, i have

lucas: have you heard about cole’s law?

caleb: is this a joke about coleslaw?

lucas: … maybe

==============

lucas: hey, caleb, where are you going?

caleb: well, it depends. when i die, probably hell

caleb: but right now i’m going to mcdonald’s

==============

marco: how do you connect with a fictional character?

caleb: what?

mari: what?

lucas: what?

leo: *pulls up a 500 slide presentation* i’m glad you asked

==============

mari: do you take constructive criticism?

caleb: not without crying

==============

caleb, teaching julia to drive: okay, you’re driving and mari and noah walk into the road. quick, what do you hit?

julia: oh, definitely noah. i could never hurt mari

caleb, massaging his temples: the brakes. you hit the brakes

==============

mari: you know what bothers me? bats. why can bats fly?

lucas: not again!

mari: no. seriously, who gave them the right, they’re mammals! mammals walk on land, no exceptions

julia: just wait until you hear about whales

mari: what now?

==============

marco, knocking on the door: leo, open up!

leo: it all started when i was a kid

marco: that’s not what i—

mari: let him finish!

==============

marco: i’m so happy two of my favourite people are getting along

leo: uh, julia and caleb are not getting along

marco: they’re not trying to kill each other

leo: you may have a point

==============

caleb: if i say i love you, will you say it back?

marco: yes

caleb: i love you

marco: it back

*later*

noah: why is caleb crying face-down on the floor?

==============

*leo is reading a clifford the big red dog book*

julia, watching: how did he get to be so big? do they ever explain that?

leo: well, emily’s live for him grew, and so did he

julia: well, your dog is pretty small. guess that says something about you, huh?

leo, angrily shutting the book: YOU’RE SMALL! WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT YOUR PARENTS?!?!

==============

marco: mint is just cold spicy

his friends: …

mari: what the actual fuck is wrong with you

==============

noah: okay! let’s play kiss marry kill!

noah: first who would you kill?

*leo points at marco*

*julia points at marco*

*caleb points at marco*

marco: *shrugs* i would kill me too

==============

julia: remember, if you die in the simulation—

lucas: yeah, yeah, i know, if you die in the simulation you die in real life

julia: what? no! you need to reset the simulation with the terminal! what is WRONG with you?!

==============

noah: how did you break your leg?

mari: do you see those porch stairs?

noah: yes

mari: i didn’t

==============

julia: tell me a little about yourself

lucas: i’d rather not, i really like this group

==============

marco: *holds a gun out to leo*

leo: i-i don’t believe in guns

marco: well, trust me, they’re very real. now take it

==============

marco: leo? i mixed redbull with coffee and now i can see sounds, should i worry?

leo: marco, i swear to god—

==============

julia: you know what they say: you snooze you lose. and it looks like you snost and you lost

==============

leo, watching noah: ah yes. the mysterious and beautiful noah, so demure…

leo: … i wonder what sort of melodic sounds this wonderful being makes

noah: *screaming*

==============

caleb: i wanna die

leo: we all do, you aren’t special!

==============

mari: cool, any other secrets?

noah: i still sleep with the blanket i had as a baby

mari: aww—

noah, stern: i use it as a gag when taking peoples pets hostage

mari:

mari: there’s no punchline ‘cause it’s not a joke isn’t it?

==============

noah: the path to inner peace begins with four words… not my fucking problem

==============

marco: what is everyone for halloween?

leo: i’m superman

lucas: a clown

marco: so i’m guessing we don’t need to get you a costume then?

==============

caleb: i’m not superstitious… but i am a little stitious

==============

julia: i’d make fun of your height, but there isn’t enough to make fun of

==============

lucas, on the phone: uh… hey, noah, i uh, i’ve been stabbed

julia: WHAT? WHERE ARE YOU?

lucas: wait— you aren’t noah. sorry— i didn’t mean to call you—

julia: NO, WHERE ARE YOU? IM COMING THERE. IM NOT GOING TO LEAVE SOMEONE ALONE THATS BEEN STABBED

==============

caleb: evil never sleeps!

marco: but ugly gets plenty of rest

==============

lucas: who would you swipe right for? caleb or noah?

julia: i would delete the app

==============

noah: if it pleases the court i would like to say that my opponent is TALKING SHIT!

lucas: …

==============

lucas: i’m going to get myself some soup

noah: be careful not to burn yourself, it’s hot

lucas: pfft, i won’t burn myself

*30 seconds later*

lucas, entering the room: i burned myself

==============

marco: i haven’t slept in 72 hours…

julia: i haven’t slept in 80. i’m the insomnia queen!

caleb: ha! i haven’t slept in 90 hours, i’m aiming for an even 100

leo: what the fuck is wrong with you people

==============

noah: if i die, my funeral will be the biggest party ever and you’re all invited

marco: “if”

leo: great, the only party i’m ever invited to and they might not even die

==============

mari: yeah, i don’t like people

marco: oh, well now that’s not fair mari. have you met all of them?

mari: i’ve met enough of them. people. what a bunch of bastards

==============

caleb: so, marco, do you have a crush on anyone?

marco: the only crush i have is this crushing anxiety

==============

marco: time freezes for everyone but you one day. what do you do?

caleb: oh… i’d mildly trouble everyone

marco: alright, so what would you do?

caleb: i’d shave a one inch thick line in every thick beard i saw

caleb: i’d twist all the lightbulbs just a little bit so no one would know when they aren’t working

caleb: id make every wing on girls eyeliner just a little bit higher than the other one

caleb: and i’d tie everyone’s shoelaces together

caleb: and then lastly, i’d snip a little hole in every tea bag

marco:

marco: remind me to never allow you to have power

==============

leo: good morning!

lucas, checking his watch: correct

==============

mari: where is noah?

leo: i’ll do you one better, who is noah??

julia: here’s a better question, why is noah?

==============

caleb: i did it! i memorised everything in the book! i’m gonna ace this test!

noah: ok, caleb, i’ll give you one more question before you go. what ended in 1918?

caleb: 1917

noah: … you’re ready

==============

marco: i’m a witch. i mixed some herbs and crystals together and now my cat knows the f-word

==============

julia: *points at leo* a human turtleneck, *points at lucas* a narcissistic monster, *points at noah* and literally the dumbest person i’ve ever met

noah: and who am i? describe me now

==============

julia: there’s beer in the cooler

leo: what about for the children?

julia: you can get water from that water fountain and use it to water down the beer

marco: why don’t we just give the kids water?

julia, angrily: i suppose you could do that!

==============

leo: go fuck yourself

lucas: come over here and fuck me yourself you coward

==============

noah: life is like julia. it’s short

==============

julia: caleb! i thought you were dead!

caleb: no, just in deep cover

julia: … but it was an open casket

caleb: it was very deep

==============

noah: you think that’s cringe? moms around the world wait 9 months just to end up naming their kid leo

leo: hey, fuck you

==============

lucas: why is marco crying on the floor?

mari: he’s drunk

lucas: and?

mari: he saw a picture of caleb’s husband

lucas: but he’s caleb’s husband

mari: i know

==============

julia: *writing a letter*

julia: dear santa, i’m writing to let you know i’ve been naughty… and it was worth it you fat, judgemental bastard

==============

lucas: did you bring marco?

mari, gesturing to noah: no, but i brought the next best thing

lucas: noah? the next best thing would be julia

noah: i would be offended, but julia is freakishly strong

==============

lucas: i think leo is in trouble

caleb: alright. struggling to give a fuck, if i’m honest

==============

marco: if i’m extra sarcastic with you it probably means i’m flirting with you or you really annoys me and i can’t handle your crap… have fun figuring out which one

==============

lucas: what do you call disobeying the law?

the friendgroup: a hobby

lucas: *crosses his arms*

the friendgroup: that we do not engage in

==============

noah: it’s not that i don’t trust leo, i just… don’t trust his impulse control

==============

marco: lucas! what did i tell you about lying?

lucas, looking down: … that it only works on caleb

==============

julia: you have you’re weirdly sincere humility

leo: i prefer the term “self-loathing”, actually

==============

caleb: if i fall down these stairs, i’m just going to lay down and accept my fate

==============

marco: don’t weep for the stupid. you’ll be crying all day

==============

mari: which country has the most birds?

mari: portu-geese!

marco: that’s a language

mari: portu-gull?

marco: good recovery

noah: don’t you mean good re-dovery

julia: TURKEY. HOW DID WE MISS TURKEY?

==============

leo: editors note: what the fuck?

==============

marco: silence is golden

julia: duct tape is silver

==============

leo: we’re going to defeat you with the power of friendship

mari: we’re not friends

leo, holding an axe: we’re going to defeat you with the power of incredible violence

==============

julia, entering the room: *sees caleb and leaves*

caleb, watching julia leave: there’s my monthly dose of julia

==============

julia: good news!

noah: you found where i hid your phone?

julia: …

noah: you found your phone?

==============

lucas: do dragons fart fire?

caleb: i don’t know

lucas: i thought you went to college

==============

noah: what’s the most efficient way to burn calories?

marco: exercise more!

julia: set yourself on fire

leo: there are two kinds of people

==============

julia: if you think i’m playing favourites, you’re wrong. i love all of you equally!

julia, earlier: i don’t care for caleb

==============

marco: just a minute. i need to go take out the trash

caleb: oh. we’re going out?

marco: wh…

==============

caleb, texting: answer your phone

marco, texting back: wait a minute, i can’t find my phone

caleb: understood

caleb, 5 minutes later: you’re a terrible person. you know you’re killing me. you’re killing me, marco

==============

lucas: i am convinced marco and mari share a braincell

julia: and it’s not in use very often, it seems

==============

mari: can i offer you a nice stick in this trying time?

==============

mari: i feel so burnt out

caleb: don’t worry, it’ll be over soon

mari: are you gonna… assassinate me?

caleb: well not if you’re expecting it

==============

caleb: do you support gay rights?

mari: i’m literally gay

lucas: she’s avoiding the question!

==============

lucas: hey, are you okay with swearing? asking for a friend

marco: yeah?

lucas: bitch

==============

[nataliesnews]

I am in a state of shock. This was the most violent demonstration I have ever been to in my life. This is the sort of thing I expect in the occupied territories. I never expected anything like this to happen in Jerusalem. I thought it was only going to be a quiet demonstration in the main street of Jerusalem , maybe 40, 50 people, as we have often had.  No one  making a noise or screaming slogans.

Just signs asking that every effort should be made to free those captive in Gaza. I think we should have expected something. The amount of police and police vehicles far exceeded that number of demonstrators, all of whom were quiet. Until a fascist whom I think is called Miron appeared amongst us nearly attacking people physically.

The police did little to control him.....they were too busy photographing us. He wandered around us at will. At one stage 3 of them tried to hold him but they did not arrest him. At Sheikh Jarrah I have seen six police holding down a young woman.

 Here nothing was done. He was allowed to come back again and again and other animals such as he is. I think we should have realised that something here had been planned by this animal and the police. I think this whole thing was arranged so as to frighten us from demonstrating in future. Otherwise there is no explanation for what happened this evening. And I would not be surprised if a law should be passed in the next few days that it is forbidden to demonstrate.

Suddenly the police went wild. They started running after people and trying to grab the signs. They actually protected Miron as he marched in amongst us calling us traitors and  worse. And then they simply ran amok.  I had been sitting on my chair and felt I was being knocked over by them. Two people trying to help me get up and out of the melee were attacked by the police. I saw people trying to go up the road and leave leave and the police following them,  running into the women to push them from the back onto  the ground.My friend wrote that as they were going quietly up the road leaving the demonstration,  two police called after them, "prostitutes"  I do not know who the other two women were but Bettina is one of the top neurologists at Sha'arei Zedek. That is the IQ of the Israeli police. I once told a policeman who called me a prostitute that I was glad that he had such an inner knowledge of  prostitutes.

I was brought home by two friends, Leah and Rafi. They are in their 70s. Rafi was punched both by the police and by anti-demonstrators.

Leah had her phone snatched out of her hand and thrown into the crowd by some religious schmuck. She was also thrown to the ground.

I need time to get my thoughts together. But already two demonstrations of tomorrow have been called off.

Ar3e we going to be frightened off so easily? This is the era and Ben Gvir and the stormtroopers.

[obsessive-aspie-girl]

I came across THE ABSOLUTE BEST comment on an AO3 MCU fic!! The person who commented it even cited their sources proving what they were saying by turning part of the sentence into a link -- multiple times! Idk how to do that so I'll just leave a link to the original for anyone interested in those, and paste show off the comment here!

**Warning: Please mind the tags! Within the MCU you either hate this type of fic--and therefore comment--or you're still just a salty and full of rage as you were when it all first started going downhill in 2015. In other words: Civil War Team Iron Man.**

THE COMMENT (which was a reply to a hate comment about how "amazing" and "perfect" Captain America is):

"Yes, Steve Roger is all of those things. In the comics. 616 Steve can do things like defeat two other Super Soldiers when his Serum has been turned off. He's actually a Captain instead of it just being a stage name, due to, depending on the writer, either actually going to Officer School and blitzing through it, or receiving the equivalent of Officer School training while "on the job." In the comics, Steve Rogers earned his rank under the code name of Captain America, and his "secret identity" was that of the bumbling Private Rogers. MCU Cap actually is the bumbling Private Rogers, but is treated like a trained genius tactician undeservedly.

Comics Steve Rogers is also of far better moral character. He's the sort of person who would throw his shield to alter the trajectory of someone falling in order to avoid civilians being hurt. MCU Steve Rogers is never shown caring about the people hurt in Bucharest, and has no problems treating a German SWAT team the same way he did Crossbone's goons. When in the comics everyone finds out that it was Cap's evil Hydra clone who did all sorts of terrible things, Steve admits to HYDRA Cap that he's actually glad that, thanks to HYDRA Cap, people no longer trust him as much as they did in the past, as he's actually never been comfortable with people blindly trusting him or anyone else. MCU Steve demands that people blindly trust him to have their best intentions in mind. 616 Steve has enough willpower to break free of mind control straight away; MCU Steve got stuck in Wanda's illusions like everyone else.

Also, when 616 Tony isn't being written by stupid writers as a fascist, Steve is pretty much the founder and president of the Tony Stark Defence Squad. Anyone talks crap about him, Steve reminds them of how many people his tech and charity work has helped, and on a more personal level actually appreciates how much Tony has done for him instead of accepting it as his due for saving the world once a year.

Comics Steve is respected because he deserves it and has earned it; MCU Steve demands it like an angry toddler, claiming that he's a good man when in reality he's just not as big of an asshole as the Red Skull.

The sad part is, it would have been so easy to salvage Steve's character. Show him sending a coded message to JARVIS during WS, and later say Fury mention that Tony, even with his suits all blown up, was standing by to ensure that all the non-Hydra stuff was taken off the net so that no innocent SHIELD employees were hurt and no US secrets were leaked. About 5 seconds of footage.

Show him trying to contact Tony when Wanda talks crap about Ultron being just like him to prove her wrong, and getting concerned when there's no answer and heading back to Stark Tower just to be sure. Don't show him already be in the process of charging forwards and drawing back his fist to throw a punch at Tony before his chest piece ever arrives. Add two seconds of footage where Steve tiredly asks whether Tony can call another suit to pick him up from Siberia after their fight, and have that letter include an actual apology instead of Steve just trying to justify his actions. Give Wanda an actual redemption arc and have Steve feel like, even if she was HYDRA and people don't like her, she still deserves a chance to show she's not a monster like the Red Skull was. Show Wanda being horrified that the Hulk wandered into Johannesburg, and be reluctantly grateful to Tony that he stopped her from ultimately being responsible for the deaths that a rampaging Hulk would have caused.

Instead we have MCU Steve, who seems less and less heroic the more you think about his actions, and spoilt brat Wanda."

Link to original comment thread:

https://archiveofourown.org/comments/188589974

[m111nho]

What was the conversation between Jean and Eren in the paths during chapter 139?This is my take<3

warnings:swearing,kinda angsty,spoilers of snk chapter 139

About 900 words,,,Ik it's small leave me be😌

"Now I remember...you conscientious piece of shit."

Jean woke up back in the training corps' canteen.He felt different,he subconsciously reached up to his chin to feel his precious beard and almost groaned when instead of a thin layer of facial hair he touched smooth teenage skin.Looking around he saw someone vaguely familiar making his eyes gulp,no it can't be.There it was,a more young,scrawny version of Eren.Then he realised that he couldn't feel his hair prickling his nape anymore,it was almost as if he's traveled back in time,back in his first night as a trainee.Turning to the green eyed teen he felt his anger rise up,what is this?

"Jean,hey."Eren said and made his away from behind the table,now infront of his foe.It might have been the anger,it might have been the overwhelming oblivion and confusion but Jean found himself sending a punch on Eren, scoring a hit square on the jaw.

Eren couldn't say he was completely surprised by Jean's actions but it sure as hell caught him of guard.Holding his jaw he looked up to a very angry looking Jean,reaching for the collar of his shirt.

"Not you too Jean,fuck."he spit out.

"Eren what the fuck is this?Where are we?Is this all a twisted game of yours?Am I dead?Is that why we're back in the training corps?And if I am then why the hell am I with you?"he yelled on his face,making Eren flinch.

"Calm down you're not dead,at least not yet."Eren shrug off Jean's hands off his shirt."I just wanted to talk before we head to war.This is a kind of throw back, you'll see in a while."Jean raised his eyebrows,no longer angry just completely confused.Then his brain dinged when Eren said the word <<talk>> and his anger came back in an instant.

"What the fuck did you say to Mikasa?"his mouth speaking before his mind could process his words.Eren stiffed up.

"Ah I see you know then."his gaze fell on the ground,mood shifted.

"No,when you and your army of fascist suicidal blockheads locked us up I saw her,and she looked like her heart had been ripped off from her chest.She took the fucking scarf off! I'd never seen her without it so I assumed it was you who'd done something.Armin just informed us that you said hurtful things to her so please tell me Eren what the fuck did you say to her."he almost growled and Eren sighed.

"Well I practically told her that she only follows me around because of her Ackerman blood,that she's a slave with no free will, blindly following orders.Then I told her that I've always hated her,ever since we were kids."Jean gapped,hands snatching Eren's collar once again.

"Are you serious Eren?You had her love and you just threw all that without even thinking how lucky you are for being the one receiving her affections.You're so fucking stupid."his screech rarely affected Eren whose gaze was now dropped to the ground."Look at me you ungrateful bastard."Jean started to scream once again but stopped the moment he saw Eren's eyes filled with tears.The shorter teenager shrug off Jean's hands off his collar once again.

"You think I don't know that?You think that I haven't been hating myself for this?Fuck you don't understand what I went through to get those words,those utterly ridiculous words out,much less seem believable!"he screamed,the person that Jean had almost forgot existed was once again in the surface;an angry,loud and passionate kid.Eren.

"Wait,you didn't mean any of it?I knew it."he said looking back at his former comrade,who was wiping his tears.

"Of course I didn't mean it,how can I?Mikasa is the person I imagined spending my whole life with."

Realisation flashed across Jean's face.Spending his whole life with her? Surely that can't be platonic! Does he mean-

"You love her don't you."his words laced with heartbreak.Of course he did,how could anyone not love her.

"Now that buddy,is something we have in common." a bitter laugh escaped his lips saying these words."Everything I ever did was for you guys,for you to become heroes,to live freely.That's why I need you to fight me,kill me.The rumbling will wipe out about 80% of the world's population,after that I leave it all to you."he continued and Jean finally understood.

"You played the devil so that we could..."he trailed off and Eren nodded.

"There will no longer be Titan powers in this world by the way.After I die,all eldians will no longer be able to shift into titans."

"Fuck Eren you really are a suicidal blockhead."he smiled and the other laughed.

"Since day one...for now you will forget everything we said but you will probably remember it after everything's over."Eren finished and Jean pulled him in a tight embrace.

"Take care of her for me horseface."he felt him whisper on his neck and nodded frantically.

-

The next thing he remembers is waking up feeling his skin boiling,around him Reiner,Connie,Annie... everyone was alive.

"Now I remember...you conscientious piece of shit."

-

After seeing Sasha smiling at him and Connie he turned himself around and saw her.She was holding something in her hands lovingly,it was Eren's head,a blonde now running towards her.She really did it huh.

Don't worry Eren,I'll keep her safe for you.

ok don't hate me I hurt myself writing it too.

[nurvuss]

I Watched the First Episode of Every New Spring 2021 Anime Airing on Crunchyroll

Hey, are you like me, and feeling like you're not getting the most out of your Crunchyroll subscription? Sure, there's stuff on there that you know you like. But whenever I look at the big long list of simulcasting shows, my eyes glaze over and I don't even know where to begin.

I wanted to change my habits and see if there were any shining gems that I should be watching. So, as per the title, I watched the first episode of every new Spring 2021 anime on Crunchyroll. And guess what? There’s a lot of crap! But indeed, there’s some stuff that’s worth your time.

Some clarification: I've only watched shows that began their first season in April 2021.

Backflip!!

Show Link

The Lowdown

As Futaba Shotaro comes to the end of middle school, his interest in baseball has begun to wane. Soon he notices the Ao High Boys Gymnastic Club and becomes enthralled, especially after seeing them perform. Once he learns they're down two members, he chooses to sign up and pursue the art of gymnastics. The club is also joined by Misato Ryoya, a star solo gymnast looking to expand his technique through teamwork.

Our Thoughts

Pretty formulaic shoujo sports anime: you've got your himbo, your thug, your ladies' man, your stoic guy, with Shotaro rounding out the cast as the shy and awkward audience surrogate. It looks wholesome enough, and the choreographed routines employ CG in a way that's quite convincing without being hideous.

Who It's For

Fans of  FREE, or Yuri!!! on Ice, or any similar shows about cute boys who succeed at athletic feats. 

Borscht Rating

Burning Kabaddi

Show Link

The Lowdown

Legendary high school soccer star Yoigoshi Tatsuya has given up on sports! That is, until he's blackmailed to join the high school kabaddi team, under threat of his online persona being leaked to the entire school. Although Tatsuya initially writes kabaddi off as stupid, the unexpected happens as he begins to have fun.

Our Thoughts

Kabaddi is kinda like competitive tag, or dodgeball but with your body instead of a ball. Burning Kabaddi is basically the shounen alternative to Backflip!! above, replete with nosebleeds, pratfalls, and dudes punching each other. The main cast don't seem to like each other very much; that probably changes as the show goes on but at first blush it's a dynamic I always find annoying.

Who it's For

Fans of Haikyuu!!? Maybe?

Borscht Rating

CARDFIGHT!! VANGUARD overDress

Show Link

The Lowdown

The newest series based on Bushiroad's collectible card game, featuring character designs by the beloved collective CLAMP. Petit middle schooler Yu-Yu just doesn't know how to say no. As his older students dress him in drag to use as live makeup practice, he suffers a panic attack and flees into the streets. After being accosted by a pickup artist, he's befriended by Megumi, who invites him to witness a Cardfight match at the local abandoned amusement park. However, Yu-yu is too shy to tell Megumi he's actually a boy…

Our Thoughts

What an unexpectedly weird concept for a show about a card game. Our hero spends the whole episode in drag, whimpering and simpering at the sight of any conflict. Then they show off the latest series of cards, which all seem to be giant buff knights with names like "Bad Steve" and "Violent Bruce". Your guess is as good as mine.

Who it's For

Cardfight!! lovers, Japanese gender studies majors, or the most desperate fujoshi. 

Borscht Rating

Cestvs: The Roman Fighter

Show Link

The Lowdown

The year is 54AD, and Nero has taken the throne as the youngest emperor of Rome. At the bottom of the population, Cestvs is a young slave training to be a colosseum boxer. Reluctant, his only choice is to fight or die.

Our Thoughts

Seeing Nero depicted as a gentle little twink is pretty funny. It's also pretty funny that the central character is named after a Roman boxing glove. The animation style transitions to some very uncanny CG when a major fight takes place, and I didn't like that one bit! This seems like a pretty average tournament anime but with a historical setting. It's currently unknown if any of these dudes are fucking each other. I'm gonna say probably.

Who It's For

The venn-diagram of Greco-Roman history buffs and lovers of tournament series?

Borscht Rating

Don’t Toy with Me, Miss Nagatoro!

Show Link

The Lowdown:

Hachioji Naoto is a nerdy, introverted student who spends his time studying and avoiding socialising. When pages from the fantasy manga he's drawing fall out of his bookbag, they catch the attention of a younger student named Nagatoro Hayase. Nagatoro begins to tease Naoto for his otaku interests and awkward demeanour, peppered with some suggestive flirting.

Our Thoughts:

What would you do if a younger girl flirted with you? Would you cry? Piss your pants maybe? Maybe shit and cum? Don't Toy With Me… attempts to barely conceal its BDSM fantasy with its comedic elements, but it's incredibly apparent as Nagatoro always wipes away Naoto's tears as a sort of aftercare. It's like a lighter, comedic version of Aku no Hana, but lacking any of the ponderings or danger that made that work so special.

Who It's For: 

People who search Pornhub for "bratty sister femdom".

Borscht Rating:

86 Eighty-Six

Show Link

The Lowdown

The Republic of San Magnolia and the Giad Empire, have been at war for nearly a decade. Using advanced military technology, the frontlines are fought by giant mecha drones called Juggernauts, controlled remotely by Handlers. Major Vladilena Mirizé is one of the military's most talented Handlers in the 1st District, and one who is constantly teased by her peers for the humanity and empathy she shows her squadron. The government line is that drone warfare has kept casualties to zero, but unbeknownst to the public these "drones'' are piloted by 86ers—the lowest class of citizens, forced to live in military internment camps in San Magnolia's 86th District.

Our Thoughts

This is incredibly my kind of thing. We've got a dual narrative being set up here: Vladilena as the kind, reluctant officer of a fascist regime, and the Bad Company-esque antics of her new ragtag squad, Spearhead. The first episode is split pretty evenly between the two, with each story converging at the end as Vladilena "meets" Spearhead for the first time through her comms station. It's an explosive and enticing first episode, and I can't wait to watch more of it.

Who It's For

Fans of Fullmetal Alchemist, Psycho-Pass, Gundam, or any number of anti-imperialist war stories.

Borscht Rating

Fairy Ranmaru

Show Link

The Lowdown

In a quiet corner of the city sits Bar F, a modest drinking establishment staffed entirely by five hot young men. Unbeknownst to the general population, these men are a crack team of fairies sent to the human world to gather the latent energy of "attachment". They do this by solving the problems of young women, taking their hearts in the process.

Our Thoughts

Hubba hubba, a little something for the ladies! It's Weiẞ Kreuz with a bar instead of a flower shop, fairies instead of assassins, and some pretty revealing outfits. There's definitely a little Persona 5 inspiration here too, from the punctuating phrase "Take your Heart!" to many of the visual cues. Make of that what you will.

Who It's For

Fans of Weiẞ Kreuz, slash fic authors.

Borscht Rating

Farewell, My Dear Cramer

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The Lowdown

Onda Nozomi was once the star player of her middle school football team. Completely unmatched, she no longer plays as there's no opponent she deems to be on her level. Meanwhile Suou Sumire far outpaces her teammates, causing her frustration. By a twist of fate, these two girls find themselves joining the scrappy Warabi Seinan High School FC as they begin to learn the value of teamwork and friendship.

Our Thoughts

I don't know sports. And I really don't know football. I had to look up what the title meant, and now I barely know who Dettmar Cramer is. I'm really not the best person to judge this, but it seems like a pretty good female-driven sports anime. 

Who It's For

Fans of Ace o Nerae! or other sports manga/anime about those ever burning bonds between young teammates.

Borscht Rating

Gloomy, the Naughty Grizzly

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The Lowdown:

Pitty lives with his pet Gloomy, a massive pink bear. Can a boy and a bear truly get along?

Our Thoughts:

This is a series of minute-long gag episodes in which Gloomy mauls Pitty and blood squirts everywhere. It's definitely meant to be a morbid parody of Sanrio or San-X; it might be a Rilakkuma parody in particular? Gloomy is the kind of thing you might laugh at if it came on in between shows, but it's pretty slight to go through the trouble of putting on.

Who It's For:

Gag anime fans with one minute to spare.

Borscht Rating:

Higehiro: After Being Rejected, I Shaved and Took in a High School Runaway

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The Lowdown

After a night of drinking in Tokyo, slovenly salaryman Yoshida encounters a teenage runaway sitting under a lamppost. She offers to sleep with him in return for letting her spend the night in his apartment. Yoshida refuses her offer but allows her to stay. The next morning the girl, Sayu, reveals she's travelled all the way from Hokkaido, sleeping with random men in return for lodging and money. Feeling responsible for her safety, Yoshida agrees for Sayu to stay indefinitely in return for handling household chores.

Our Thoughts

This is kind of the inverse of Koikimo (see below), but without a scumbag character and from a male perspective. It's not nearly as nauseating as that show, but it's still a fantasy about living with a busty teenage girl.

Who It's For

Libertarians.

Borscht Rating

I've Been Killing Slimes For 300 Years And Maxed Out My Level

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The Lowdown: 

Office lady Aizawa Azusa dies of overwork in her early 20s, and finds herself standing before a lecherous goddess. Allowed a wish as compensation for her untimely demise, Azusa wishes for an endless life of leisure. The goddess reincarnates her as a 17-year-old immortal witch in an RPG-coded fantasy world. Thrilled, Azusa lazes about, brewing potions for her neighbouring villagers, and kills a small amount of slimes each day to supplement her income. After doing this every day for 300 years, she inadvertently finds herself at Level 99. Her peaceful life is soon upended as adventurers and dragons come from miles around to challenge the legendary witch.

Our Thoughts:

I'm not really an isekai fan, and that goes double for series which aren't set in an RPG, yet use RPG mechanics. Levelling up, grinding stats, min-maxing, as if it's a part of the fabric of the setting. I don't get it. I like watching numbers go up as much as the next dork, but I don't need to watch numbers go up in absolutely every piece of media I consume. Just play a fucking video game, Jesus Christ almighty.

I thought this might be setting up a fun series in which a layabout is reluctantly called upon to undertake a dangerous quest, but I don't think that's what's going on at all. When the red dragon Laika wrecks Azusa's house, she transforms into a cute young girl and the two begin living together, teaching each other the pros and cons of hard work and slothfulness respectively. The trajectory of the series might be as laid back as its protagonist in the end, which, ultimately, would be fitting.

Who It's For:

Isekai fans, slice-of-life fans. The twain have met!

Borscht Rating:

Joran: The Princess of Snow and Blood

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The Lowdown

In alternative history Japan the Meiji Period continued well into the 1930s, and the ongoing Tokugawa Shogunate has brought technological prosperity to the nation through a magical energy source called the Dragon's Vein. Sawa Yukimura runs a bookshop where she lives with her little sister by day, but by night she's an assassin for Nue, the shogunate's secret police. As the terrorist group Kuchinawa deploys transforming beasts in an attempt to topple the shogunate, Nue springs into action with their own abilities.

Our Thoughts

There are a lot of concepts competing here, and a few too many flashy transformation sequences for my taste, but I'm really into it! Nue are made up of sex workers and street musicians, often overlooked and therefore easily able to blend in. There's a supernatural Standalone Complex vibe to how the team operates, and they're almost assuredly on the wrong side. Worth a shot!

Who It's For

Fans of alternate history science fiction, Ghost in the Shell: Standalone Complex, Demon Slayer.

Borscht Rating

Koikimo: Koi to Yobu ni wa Kimochi Warui ("It's Disgusting to Call This Love")

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The Lowdown

Amakusa Ryo is a womanizing salaryman concerned with nothing but his own base desires. As he slips on the train station stairs one morning, he's saved by the swift action of Arima Ichika, a kind-hearted high schooler. When it turns out Ichika is friends with Ryo's younger sister Riou, he decides she's his soulmate, and begins to pursue her no matter how many times she refuses him. Comedy ensues!

Our Thoughts

Yeah, OK groomer.

Alright look, Korikimo is written by a woman and told from Ichika's perspective, so this is obviously meant to be a lighthearted "older man" shoujou romance. As an older man, all I saw were the adventures of a paedophile and the teenager he's stalking. Fuck off.

Who it's For

There's probably other stuff like this, right? If you like that, here you go.

Borscht Rating

Let's Make a Mug, Too

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The Lowdown

After the death of her mother, Himeno and her father relocate from bustling Tokyo to quiet Tajimi City in Gifu Prefecture. The former salaryman opens a quiet cafe using the remarkable mugs made by his late wife, while Himeno follows in her mother's footsteps and joins the school pottery club. Although her first project ends in disaster, Himeno makes fast friends with the eccentric pottery enthusiasts who make up the club.

Our Thoughts

It's no Eizouken, but I guess it's probably not meant to be. I'm not a big iyashikei genre fan, but if that's your thing, you might enjoy the wholesome non-adventures of three girls trying to make a mug. It's worth noting these episodes are only about 12 minutes long, with the remaining runtime segmented into live action episodes where the voice actresses tour Tajimi and unconvincingly pretend to be interested in Gifu's famous mino-yaki pottery. I think this must be a tie-in with a local tourist board. 

Who It's For

People who enjoy stuff like Aria, actually.

Borscht Rating

OddTaxi

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The Lowdown

In a Tokyo populated by anthropomorphic animals, a solemn walrus named Odokawa spends his nights driving his cab around the bustling metropolis, spending his free time drinking with his pals. Odokawa soon finds his quiet life disrupted by a caper involving a missing girl, some crooked cops, and the animal yakuza. 

Our Thoughts

A deft blend of working class slice-of-life with mystery, cute animals, and striking visual design. OddTaxi might be the sleeper hit of Spring 2021.

Who It's For

Fans of existentialist film noir with absurdist comedy, Polar Bear Cafe, walrus lovers.

Borscht Rating

Osamake: Romcom Where The Childhood Friend Won't Lose

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The Lowdown

Suehiro Maruo Sueharu Maru has his heart set on Shirokusa Kachi, the hottest girl in school. When she begins dating a young actor, Sueharu confides in his childhood friend Kuroha Shida, who's openly in love with him and he rejected in the past. Kuroha suggests the two get revenge on Shirokusa by pretending to be in love. Will Sueharu fall in love with Kuroha for real, making her dreams come true?

Our Thoughts

Give me a fucking break.

Who It's For

I don't know and I don't care.

Borscht Rating

SD Gundam World Heroes

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The Lowdown

The newest instalment of the SD Gundam media-mix franchise. In a world populated by super deform mecha, a burning meteor lands in the middle of Captain City. From it launches a terrible mechanized beast: Naughty Lion. When the police are powerless to stop it, a crack team led by Zhuge Liang Gundam and Liu Bei Gundam sorties to bring Naughty Lion to justice. When the beast stops rampaging, it transforms into Sun Wukong Gundam, a youthful amnesiac mecha horrified at the destruction he wrought. The Three Kingdoms Gundams welcome Sun Wukong into the fold to make sense of this mysterious event.

Our Thoughts

I'm an 80s kid, I know a 30-minute toy commercial when I see one.

No, seriously though, I'm aware of SD Gundam's merchandising—they're cute designs, and I even used to have a bunch of the gum rubber mini figurines. I've played the SD Great War Super Famicom games, they're fun! This is a vehicle to get kids hyped up about the latest toys, which are...based on  a hodgepodge of Journey to the West and Romance of the Three Kingdoms this year? There's even a little SD Guan Yu Gundam with a big long beard!

I kinda wanted to like the idea of a bearded robot, but the mechas are super busy and overdesigned. I guess there's only so much you can do to make your next series of toys bigger and better, so these guys are all decked out in gold accents, capes, horns, and antlers, and half the time I couldn't parse what I was seeing.

I'm so glad I don't have to watch any more of this. 

Who It's For

Very, *very* young mecha fans.

Borscht Rating

Seven Knights Revolution: Hero Successor

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The Lowdown

Long ago, the Dark God Nestra ruled the world through fear. Standing against him were the Seven Knights, seven brave warriors chosen by the Light Goddess Serrass. With their powers combined, Nestra was defeated and the lands returned to peace. Hundreds of years later the wicked Physis Cult seeks to revive Nestra, summoning undead beasts to ravage the countryside. With the Seven Knights long dead, the Granseed Academy has risen to train the next wave of heroes to combat this threat. Using special cards, the students of Granseed are able to call upon the power of the Seven Knights to guide them in battle.

Our Thoughts

As soon as the opening started with its transforming heroes and lovingly depicted weapon cards, I realised this must be based on a mobile game. Indeed, this is based on a free-to-play gacha from Korean developer Netmarble. Even before I was able to confirm this, Hero Successor failed to draw me in, eschewing details on the nature of its world in lieu of a glamourised marketing push for its source material. What's here is incredibly slight, and likely to be of little interest to anyone who isn't deep into this game.

Who It's For

Seven Knights whales, I guess.

Borscht Rating

Those Snow White Notes

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The Lowdown

Sawamura Setsu mourns the death of his grandfather Matsugorou, a talented shamisen player who refused to pass his secrets on. Not knowing what else to do, he leaves his remote village for Tokyo, taking nothing but his shamisen along with him. Soon he finds himself wrapped up in the complicated life of aspiring actress Yuna and her scuzzy rockstar boyfriend Taketo. When Setsu opens for Taketo's band, he stuns the audience with the raw emotion of his playing. However, his heart is still tumultuous. 

Our Thoughts

An entertaining first episode of a speciality music series, which is the kind of thing I have a place in my heart for. I couldn't shake the feeling of some latent misogyny that suggested the role of a woman is to inspire a tortured artist, but I might be wrong. The final few minutes take a twist by introducing Setsu's weird, horny mother who seems to have her own personal SWAT team, and it looks like the series becomes a more conventional high school anime from episode 2 onwards. Don't know about that!

Who It's For

Fans of Kids on the Slope, Sound of the Sky.

Borscht Rating

Tokyo Revengers

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The Lowdown

Former delinquent Takemichi is unsatisfied with the way his life turned out, living alone in a paper-thin apartment and working a minimum wage job under a boss who doesn't respect him. When watching the news one evening, he learns that his highschool sweetheart Hinata was killed, alongside her little brother. On the way to work the next morning, Takemichi falls in front of an oncoming train and wakes up 12 years in the past. Armed with foreknowledge, he attempts to turn his life around and save his onetime lover.

Our Thoughts

This is drawing from a lot of sources; the whole train sequence is lifted straight from Gantz, while the story itself initially seems like a Life on Mars kind of deal. In fact, Tokyo Revengers sees Takemichi jump back and forth between the present and the past, seemingly making small changes until he achieves his desired outcome. It feels like a very video gamey depiction of time travel, and one that's not super interesting.

Who It's For

Steins;Gate fans, maybe? Delinquent manga (Shonan Junai Gumi, Crows, etc.) fans, maybe? It's pretty self-serious compared to any of those.

Borscht Rating

To Your Eternity

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The Lowdown

An immortal being in the form of an orb falls to earth and becomes a stone. Years pass, an ice age sets in, and a white wolf stumbles onto the tundra and dies. The orb, able to take the form of anything that leaves a strong impression on it, transforms into the wolf and slowly learns how to use its newfound ambulatory body. The creature treks back through the tundra where it meets a boy living alone, after the rest of his village left in search of a better life. The boy recognises the wolf as his beloved pet, Johann, and the two begin living together in the harsh, lonely wastes.

Our Thoughts

I'm being a little coy with the synopsis here, and there's a major shake-up at the end of this debut episode. This one's based on a manga by the critically acclaimed Yoshitoki Ooima (A Silent Voice), and it's a depressing, compelling, and exciting start to a series. Lots of potential here!

Who It's For

Fans of NieR, Fragile Dreams: Farewell Ruins of the Moon, Last Exile, Kino's Journey.

Borscht Rating

So, there you have it. I'm hoping this will be of use to anyone who experiences a similar sense of dread when faced with so many choices. Maybe we’ll do this again during the Summer 2021 anime season.

Also, please don't get mad at me if I'm snarky about your new favourite show! It’s just TV and I'm a big idiot anyway.

[maxwell-grant]

So, we've talked about teaming up The Shadow with Superman, and with Batman. How would a team-up with Wonder Woman work?

I've sat on this ask for a while to catch up on the character and talked a bit with @jcogginsa about it to get some thoughts in order, although if anyone else would like to chime in feel free to do so. So here goes: I think a team up between The Shadow and Wonder Woman has a lot of ways it could go wrong for fans of either character, but if done right, I think it could be perhaps a much more substantial story than crossing over The Shadow with Superman or Batman again.

You'd be hard pressed to pair two characters as diametrically opposite to each other visually as The Shadow and Wonder Woman, a very casual viewer might even be confused as to why the hell is Wonder Woman standing next to this Freddy Krueger looking weirdo. Much of what I said about the immediate contrasts between Superman and The Shadow are applied more so here, because here we have two characters who dig back further than the superhero in their domains. Wonder Woman is a superhero, but she is rooted in a realm of folklore and myth and fairy tales, archetypal and dream-like and with strongly defined morals, with Diana as the classic heroine who takes all of the male fears of powerful women present in the old Amazon stories, and subverts them into a powerful feminist statement and a mission of love and peace minded towards a progressive future. The Shadow's stories, as I've argued in turn, were less hard-hitting crime tales and more urban fairy tales told in an urban setting, where the streets of New York City replacing the dark forests of yore and everything's gone so topsy-turvy that the Big Bad Wolf has to become the one to save us from those that would oppress and destroy us. Dracula meets King Arthur, as his creator described him, here to fight to protect us for little reason other than he can and it's the right thing to do, by turning the tools of evil against itself.

Sadly, the two of them also have a long, long and miserable history of being misrepresented and mischaracterized past their initial eras.

I've remarked often enough on The Shadow's downfall, how the clever, thoughtful, compassionate, even humorous and outright friendly (if theatrical about it) Shadow of the pulps, has been so far removed from those traits over decades of adaptations, that I have to link posts where I point out that these traits used to be there in the first place, because they've all been eclipsed by the image of a trigger-happy butcher if not outright barking fascist. And it's worse for Wonder Woman, because her main defining trait was her pacifism and kindness and loving diplomacy, the lasso as a tool for careful and non-violent submission when necessary, whose very first story goes to such lengths to describe the contrast between the Amazons and Mars, the stupid and brutish god of war who points a sword at the world where Aphrodite would point a finger proclaiming love, and now, The Sword has become an irrevocable part of Wonder Woman's image, as is the jokes about her being the member of the Justice League willing to snap necks and rip spines if necessary, the most direct anti-thesis of everything that defined her initially.

Perhaps you could tell a story about the conciliation of these traits, the how and why these have become such commonplace for the two. They may still be heroes and agents of justice and good and whatnot, but something has clearly been missing from them for decades, a spark of humanity and imagination and care that's made the two of them so, so much worse off for the lack of it.

Perhaps there could be a story about the two helping each other find it again. Perhaps no one knows better the dangers of getting lost in the darkness of man's world than The Shadow, and perhaps there's no DC hero that could cut through the darkness to pull it back moreso than Wonder Woman. Idealism and reality, light and dark, the way things are vs the way they could be, and most of all, Knowledge and Truth coming together in the fight for a better world that the two have been immersed in for so long.

There are some better opportunities for the two to meet compared to Superman and Batman, as Wonder Woman has usually been grounded in real life events around The Shadow's time period. The movie has placed her debut during The Great War, and several stories have been told about Wonder Woman fighting during World War 2, two conflicts that The Shadow lived through, the first of which being a highly integral part of his characterization. Little adjustments would be necessary to explain their intrusions into each other's worlds. Past the initial distrust and a conciliation of their differences? I could see the two getting along better actually than The Shadow might with Superman and Batman, or Wonder Woman with other pulp heroes. They are soldiers who chose to pick their battles, who only found their true calling once they've exhausted all other options as to what they could be, and who take on a myriad of roles for the sake of their missions. They confront the darkest aspects of the world in their own ways as they are both shaped by it, and they affect the world in their own ways, one far more discreetly than the other

So yeah I actually think there's a lot you could do with crossing these two, maybe more so even than crossing over The Shadow with Batman or Superman again. I was surprised over the course of researching for this ask at just how much I find myself liking Wonder Woman even better than the other two, and frustrated at the sheer mishandling of the character. I'd like these two to meet, maybe punch some Nazis together, maybe help each other reconnect with their original missions.

Or alternative, @jcogginsa pitched me the idea of Wonder Woman just taking The Shadow on a vacation to get him to chill out a little. Probably not on Themyscira, even if they let men in, the Amazons would be asking Diana why is she letting this unholy ghost from Tartarus or servant of Hades anywhere near the island, but somewhere where she knows how to set up a good party. I love when Diana's allowed to have fun, and she might be the only superhero strong enough to successfully force The Shadow to loosen up a bit, let him interact with the world on less controlling terms for a change.

Also I desperately want a crossover between The Holiday Girls and The Agents. I want Etta Candy and Margo to go shopping or shoot some Nazis together, either way works but I will not accept any crossover between The Shadow and Wonder Woman that doesn't let their long-neglected supporting casts shine.

[thewriterowl]

Hiya! Do you have any headcanons for reverse!AU dinluke? Or anything at all, really, your brain is A++ ❤

Hey! I do actually!

So, I see Luke still as Anakin’s son, but haven’t decided if he’s Force sensitive or not (if it’s true role-reversal not, but I always see Luke as being Force sensitive) and maybe something happens with Beru and Owen, maybe they are gone or dead, or they say they can’t take a child this special. And Obi-Wan is like, “this kid is really not having any luck with family. Screw it. Mandalorians love kids. And I’m good with some of them.” So he goes and meets up with Bo-Katan first, and yeah, no, she doesn’t get Luke. But she does connect Obi-Wan to someone who can get him and the baby somewhere safe. They jump from one place to another, getting very well hidden by these warriors. Finally they meet up with the Armorer’s teacher, she is probably in her twenties or thirties, and he asks for hep. They agree to take Obi-Wan and Luke in. Luke is raised and taught by both the Mandalorians and Obi-Wan to ensure he has a way to defend himself. 

Of course, since it’s Luke, he is still this ball of sunshine fluff. Just covered in a dangerous armor and is super good at throwing a punch to the throat. But he is always the one who looks over the foundlings. He takes on Bounty Hunting to help support the covert and the foundlings. Luke primarily keeps his helmet on, but Obi-wan raised him to still share his face to those he chooses the honor too, not necessarily clan or he would lose his right as a Mandalorian (Obi-wan had seen so many Ways and knew there wasn’t just one--so Luke is quite open and well versed in a lot of the Mandalorian lore and culture and history). He follows his “instincts” on what pucks to take and always finds his quarry with pretty much complete ease. He rarely has to kill any of them. He is rather good at calming a situation down with his “Hi! sorry, you broke the law...can I arrest you? It’s for a good cause. I wanna feed kids! :D”

He takes the challenge to find the mysterious maybe 50-year old wanted by the the Empire. He just knows it is something important that he has to do. And then he finds the child and is instantly, “LOL not giving you to the Empire. Wanna go get some cookies?” and he tells his covert who are all, “why not  pretend to give them the child, get the Beskar, and then take the child back?” and Luke is all, “only if my new son is ok with it!” to which Grogu, who can tell Luke his name, is all “I CRAVE VIOLENCE, NEW BUIR!” and...huh, ok, that’s very Mandalorian of him, but sure. Let’s go rob some fascists. 

They then leave to go find Obi-Wan, who disappeared a few years prior, so that this Force-sensitive child can see about being raised by a Jedi.

NOW DIN.

Din was seven to eight when Order 66 took place. He and his Master, he was just getting familiar with a few Masters with his age, were together when it happened, so he was protected. His Master took down the Clones that tried to assassinate them. She (maybe this is actually the Armorer) swept Din away to train and hide out for until they could figure out what to do. She is very well versed in stealth and using the Force to hide herself so she was able to smuggle her and Din of Coruscant.

Din is a very quiet and serious child and is haunted by the Order. He witnessed the fallen bodies of his friends and family and how it was done by the Clone Army he trusted so much. His Master is a bit jaded and rough, angry, as well but still stays in the Light and continues to train Din. They bounce around planets, meeting different people to train Din and stay hidden for a while. Din, too, stays with a Mandalorian covert (cause like Luke, I still love his connection with them) probably the longest. He works with Death Watch for a bit and it gets him a bit harder and more closed off but very strong.

When Din is about seventeen or eighteen he and his Master are found by the Inquisitors (and Vader) and she is killed. This is putting a lot of anger and pressure on Din and he is starting to pull away from the Jedi order. He doesn’t want to go Sith but he feels compelled for revenge. He wants revenge. So he goes back to Death Watch to get information and better find those that killed his master.

He goes on a “spree” in that he is taking down loads of Empire folks and locations and whatnot. He is approached by the rebellion a few times to join their cause but he’s not interested. He wants Vander. This goes on for a few years.

With this, it is possible that the Empire is still going and Din meets Luke and Grogu in his search for Vader. He doesn’t know how this Mandalorian is connected to the Sith Lord but that he is and is not going to let him get away until Vader is dead.

So, oh my god, there is only one ship, and they travel to find the rebellion where Obi-Wan hopefully is. Luke knows if anyone can tell them more about Vader it would be his Master.

So some things of the Original Trilogy happens and maybe Obi-Wan doesn’t die but Luke is still cornered by Vader on Bespin and he loses his arm and is stunned to find out he is his father. Din is around and is PISSED this monster not only killed his master but now hurt his totally only an annoying friend, nothing more than that, and is ready to kill him but then Luke falls and...Din just sort of jumps after him and oh no, maybe he isn’t just a friend????

Maybe they face the Emperor and Vader together. The Emperor wants Din to be his heir, to destroy Vader and be his right hand since he is more trained...but he also wants Luke cause he is of the Skywalker bloodline and powerful. Luke and Din are separated and Luke has to face Vader and Din Emperor. He keeps saying he just wants Vader, he’s not interested in becoming the heir of some fucked up system. He’s not a Jedi anymore. He will kill him and Vader and get this all done and over with.

Maybe the Emperor tries to tempt Din to the Dark side, seeing he has far more anger in him than Luke, and maybe he gets really close. Saying Din could protect Luke and Grogu this way. he just needs to strike him down in hatred and it’ll be that.

Luke faces his own anger but stops himself and comes back to the two and says the Emperor will not win. Neither of them would kill like that. Din was too good of a person for that. This sort of breaks the hold on Din and well...the Emperor can’t have that and so he attacks Luke with lightning and, yeah, ok, that get’s Din’s attention. He tries to take the Emperor down but he is Forced pushed against the wall. He says Din has to use his anger, get to his true power and save this man.

Din is starting to break at this point and is trying to get free and is, yeah, getting pretty full of anger and hatred. And then Vader comes in and throws the Emperor away to save his so and keep Din from the Dark Side.

After all of that they burn Vader and then stay together and raise Grogu and are just happy together. Or they have some more Mandalorian stuff happen?? lol

[m58]

three from Joshua Martin

Deserted Avalanche Hole in One

 firing squad DIMPLE & carry the two, added up, makes a vomiting like a crying ANTeater slipping on banana peel, joking, the jokester crawls through the landMINES minding his own business to a fault, to an average faced poolhall, there are Lessons LEARNED & seaWEEDs choking perfume gasping water buffalo time machine panache, trash, lashing out, strapped in for antigravity simulation /// look here, the banjo playing ballerina w/ the SNIFFLES,

                                    cough              cough              cough

                        COUGHING                                                   FIT

                                                Errol Flynn     diamond bracelet

            Archibald spoiled the party by playing himself,

meanwhile,

                        ALICE B. TOKLAS

                                    sped through RED

                                                            LIGHT

                                                                        drinking Fruit punch &

                                                eating cold cuts—

her & her historic parades of pondered pinochle games & peanut shell glass house dr., please, dr., don’t tell a soul how far gone we all are, in step & OUT OF WHACK, reading until dawn’s early farting, she in gin floating, she in a corner of a cart, all at former headquarters of cut rate keyboard destroyers—

                                    You see,

                        the flesh                      melts stubbornly,

            not unlike,

                        a                      ketchup&mustard                   dressing gown, hot

sauce PIE

            Chart, leaping

                                    dinner time in the shadow of hannah HOCH,

the                                           groom                         stripped                       NAKED

            &

pouting, doglike, thinned out, wearing glasses, struttin’, shut-in, a million sleeping paradises proposing enigmatic randomness, then loosed for THOU ART LOOSED &

            THOU ART a             STONE

                                                tho STAINED

w/ letters,

            Latinized, church to grave / easel to dumpster / blew to heaving blown up enough trash heaps to make the encyclopedia of information overload once a desire passes for a NEED &

                                                            then                 MARGOT KIDDER   bookends

brothers of

            LIARS,

                        peels of laughing bellhops at risk for calamities,

so very

            un

                        fettered,

                                    feathered, Absurdly drowned b/t stretches over park defined by barbarian coat of many colors, yes unknowns, yes CHAOS, yes you did hear the bookworm shoes correctly,

                        Carlos had another bat fancy

                        idea, see how it sets,

            see how                                   another crushing

PAVEMENT

                                    bellows                                               like GRENDEL

                                                                        flotsam&jetsam

je, tu, il, elle,

            didn’t You have a meeting with Professor Doctor Whatshisface????

                        or,

inside ambitions signals trained to have been promised, snickering, bickering on a beam of sclerotic light, laser, phased out diarrhea of the mouth, syndrome all too familiar, all CNN all the fucked up & leave it alone for the love of eyeball juice, sailing through rimless OCEAN liner house of a 1000 cracked skulls /

                                                                        really,then, You & Yours & the fountain

                                                                        taller than a maniac running

                                                                        than a mannequin squirming,

                                                                                    the sex of the baby

                                                                                                POINTLESS &

                        PROFOUND &                                                                                  Pounded

into head curved swerved hair follicle abundance, hairpiece missions, squirrels on EDGE, another PINOCCHIO for the ages, new decade to test the limits, white water rafting,

                                                TEST TUBE TOP,

                                                            Saturday had revealed

                                                            itself as sudden &

                                                            brief,

truncated sweet meats,

                        a STAR is

                                    RISEN, (deformed)

                                                a BUM is

            grown,

societal salad bowls brains splattered raised to be the spitting image of Wallace Beery, then uncovering plots to render butter tasteless, then VENUS slaps MARS who tells URANUS to go to hello how are you,

                                                not likely to have

                                                unveiled the TRUTHFUL

                                                acrobat cursing shoehorns (the kind)

                                                w/ teeth,

                                    even tho                                  THEY             DON’T exist,

            still, You

wonder,                                   then, in fact,

                        WHAT DOES????????????????????????????????????????????????????

  Preconceived LED Drunken Brawl

 damaged LIKED lifted horizon stumbles

lame duck truck NECK BRACE

                                                embrace

                        of                                 nothing            LIKE

            elephant rippling flesh hair nipple

                        VESTS…spun to gold thread spleen /

                                    rumpled vest/shirt/

ingested bleach substitute

                                                helicopter

PROPELLER…a jet engine                                       JAZZ

                        computer Streaming

                                                momentary lapse of

            un-

                        reasonable lingering push-pull

OF                                           BRANCH / trance

                                    D

                                    A

                                    N

                                    C

                                    e…saying in the round

table, chair, leg, ham, fist,

            grieving MUG / CHUG /

                        high heels down the

Rabbit Hole…fixing diamond,

                                                to Fist

                                                            s…

                        a slimy drop of

Perspiring                                                       ROCK

                                    gulf                 enigma

            ritual

                        sacrificial Hawk wing

of plentiful                              destroying

                                    stammering /

            POUNDING / DRIFTING…when to

find a how TO guide crumpled

up into ball of WAX

                                    reception.

  All Hail the National Disasters

 Swiss doughnut piles swirling green in jest

                                                in AN OUTSTRETCHED

                                    comma                        grinning

                                                                        wild

or (&this is where Simon turned to Simone who had shoes on her hands but no real sense               

       of three hole punching) rhythms pontificating Faustian approvals (at night the knight

       seemed to glow tho not properly enough to prosper like the GHOST of Ebenezer   

       Scrooge shirking his duties at dawn’s early lighter fluid mistaken identity culture

       dump).

                        Keith, the fascist extraordinaire

colored only between the lines,

melting melted snow

                                                HEAD ON

                                     (screwed        on                    BACKWARDS)—

                                                                                                            that

                                                                                                ‘s         enough

tho

                        may

            be                                                        NOT

enough

                                                AT

ALL.

            Cursed, cursed, cursed overlooking an overwhelmed bear scrounging around for

            centipede pill to sell on the black market.

                                                            an

                                                attempted

                                    assassination                           of a

                        FRENCH DIPLOMAT                                               failed

                                                            (how do you define failure?) / .

 Yourself a savior.

Your pants on fire.

Your spawn sweltering.

 This is

no time

for gymnastics! (Simon pulled the rug out from under)

                                                (Simone buried gold teeth under fountains)

             As

long                 toothless

                                    as

squirming                               in triangular imitation

                                                            leather kidneys.

 Cannot.

            Will not.

                        Should not.

Judgmental frostbite & the somehow misleading conditions of modernity.

                                                The UNIVERSE of ZERO

                                                            (0!)

Joshua Martin is a Philadelphia based writer and filmmaker, who currently works in a library. He is the author of the book Vagabond fragments of a hole (Schism Neuronics). He has had pieces previously published in The Vital Sparks, Breakwater Review, Ink & Voices, The Free Library of the Internet Void, and Paragraph Line. His films have screened at various film festivals including The Pineapple Underground Film Festival, New Filmmakers, Film Al Fresco, Views from the Underground, and The Shooting Wall Film Festival.

[c6h94]

10 songs with lyrics that don’t actually mean what you think they do

10 songs with lyrics that don’t actually mean what you think they do

These songs aren’t about a breakup, a love connection or a cute date in the literal sense. In fact, many of your favorite rock, scene and mainstream artists share a love for metaphors in their tracks, whether they’re talking about personal struggles or systemic issues.

These songs below cover everything from addiction to even scooter accidents during a competition. See if you know the backstories behind these tracks and realize what the artist really intended to say.

Read more: Here are 10 of the most unexpected collabs to come from 2020 Machine Gun Kelly – “5:3666” (feat. phem)

In his 2019 track “5:3666,” Machine Gun Kelly teamed up with phem to write the ultimate sad song about missing “her.” In this case, every reference to a lady is actually about cocaine. MGK is open about his struggles with addiction and doesn’t shy away from sharing how he sometimes thinks about it but ultimately knows his family, friends and fans need him more.

Green Day – “American Idiot”

We all know that Green Day have chanted “No Trump! No KKK! No Fascist USA!” in the past. So, it’s a little silly to see Trump supporters use this song to describe their opponents across the political aisle. Does someone want to tell them? It’s getting a little embarrassing, and Billie Joe Armstrong wants nothing to do with the former president.

All Time Low – “Dancing With A Wolf”

This song isn’t purely about a toxic romantic relationship. In “Dancing With A Wolf,” All Time Low are also sharing their negative feelings about partnerships in and out of the music industry. It’s a “big middle finger to anyone that’s fucked us over in the past,” Alex Gaskarth said in an interview. “There’s parts about our relationships. We’ve always tried to keep it positive and we’ve seen it pay off.”

Melanie Martinez – “Dollhouse”

Melanie Martinez used her album Cry Baby to illustrate the story of her character of the same name. This track not only discusses Cry Baby’s chaotic home life with an alcoholic mother, but Martinez shared how the deeper meaning behind “Dollhouse” is that “everyone has their problems, and you’re never going to truly see them… Everyone has shit they go through.”

YUNGBLUD – “parents”

Contrary to what you think, YUNGBLUD isn’t telling you to go flip off your parents. Instead, he wants you to tell anyone who has ever made you feel small to “fuck off.” In a Genius interview, he established that you know yourself best, and being authentic is more important than abiding by society’s standards. He just chose “parents” to represent things that make you feel lesser than and societal expectations as a whole.

The 1975 – “I Couldn’t Be More In Love”

If you’re merely a casual listener of the 1975, their ’80s-influenced ballad “I Couldn’t Be More In Love” may strike you as the perfect song for the first dance at a wedding. Unfortunately, the story veers on the tragic side. It’s actually about “what happens when people stop caring” and “trusting your instinct as an artist,” frontman Matty Healy explained in an interview. All in all, this is Healy letting his fanbase know that he’s afraid of losing them and doesn’t want to hurt them.

Oliver Tree – “Hurt”

You may think Oliver Tree was hurt in a relationship, but you would be sorely mistaken. In fact, this singer shared in a Genius interview that he was hurt in a scooter competition when he was 18. His pain stemmed from hitting a pebble on the course and losing his balance. He not only got a few injuries, including two broken wrists, but his pride was a little damaged, too.

Fall Out Boy – “Thnks Fr Th Mmrs”

If you thought that this famous Fall Out Boy hit was about a breakup, think again because Pete Wentz redefined it for us. While he may have left fans with more questions than answers, he shared how “Thnks Fr Th Mmrs” encompasses many meanings. The chorus, he described, is about “FOMO.” Feel free to analyze this one as much as you’d like.

Tyler, The Creator – “NEW MAGIC WAND”

In Foster The People fashion, Tyler, The Creator wrote a metaphorical track about gun violence and toxic relationships called “NEW MAGIC WAND.” His iconically metal performance of the song at the Grammys wasn’t intended for Harry Potter fans. Many music bloggers and writers theorized that he was referring to Photoshop and other objects in the song’s title. However, he disclosed on Twitter that the wand is a gun.

Ashnikko – “Daisy”

This may be the sexy TikTok song you know, love and maybe featured in one of your own videos. However, Ashnikko had much darker intentions. In a Genius interview, she described how she creates a character who feeds into the writing of her songs. In this case, “Daisy” isn’t describing the cute flower entirely. The song chronicles the whole story behind a character of the same name who seduces men and enacts a little revenge. “Daisy is this bad bitch who wears exclusively latex, blue diamonds and these glass platforms with an aquarium in the heel,” she says. “She’s sick, and she throat punches rapists and horrible, horrible people.”

[inkmemes]

sky high ( 2005 )  sentence  starters ↪  from  the disney movie that was ahead of its time.  alter  as  you  see  fit

“that’s me in the middle.”

“all i see is my dad wearing tights.”

“i just have one small problem.”

“i can feel the sand in my toes already.”

“maybe the next time i punch a meteor hurtling toward earth, i’ll be the one who shatters into a million pieces.”

“looking forward to it.”

“i noticed you had recyclables in the trash; i took the liberty of moving them for you.”

“apparently animals don’t like being eaten.”

“seems like yesterday you two were swimming naked in the kiddie pool.”

“i remember his first day of preschool. he wouldn't let go of my leg.”

“how does it feel to save the world again?”

“i just feel really good about this year.”

“she's just my friend.”

“hey, how you doin'?”

“to be honest, it was tough, man. T- U-P-H.”

“you have to wait and see like everybody else.”

“you ever running late, running early, or you just want to talk ... give me a call.”

“as representatives of the [school] welcoming committee ...we'd be happy to collect that new student fee.”

*’true’ by spandau ballet starts playing*

“sounds fascist.”

“for now, good deeds and good luck. let the adventure begin.”

“so let's get one thing straight. my word is law. my judgment is final, so there will be no whiner babies. are we clear?”

“what's humiliating him going to prove? this is so unfair.”

“if life were to suddenly get fair, i doubt it would happen in high school..”

“any day now, superstar.”

“this is the situation, and i'm demanding it.”

“you got a problem with me?”

“you're not supposed to use your powers outside of the school gym!”

“am i crazy, or is that guy really looking at me?”

“my first day of [school], and i already have an archenemy.”

“i thought you said he wasn't looking.”

“i don't think she really liked my skirt.”

“well, nothing seems to be broken.”

“the three of us, fighting crime together, side by side ... by side.”

“i'm gonna kick your butt at pool!”

“hey, he's got the ego the size of a giant robot.”

“so where were you after school? i was worried.”

“everybody expects greatness from me.”

“i can't make lemons. i don't know what it is.”

“i'm not into labels.”

“i'll get the nurse ... unless she's injured.”

“by the way, [name], you can't kill a zombie. you can only re-kill him.”

“i make a mean tuna fish salad sandwich.”

“hey, hand me that mayonnaise there.”

“i'm calling the school. the tuition we pay them!”

“uh, so i, uh, think we pretty much covered the undead. what's next?”

“hey, where's your hat?”

“hey, race you up the steps.”

“nobody talks about my father.”

“what if i said it's not just her twin? it's her evil twin.”

“i didn't do anything, though. he started it.”

“try to keep that in mind the next time you're about to do something stupid.”

“i say if you ever cross me again, i'll roast you alive.”

“okay. look, it's not ... it's not as bad as it sounds.”

“when the time is right, we'll have our revenge.”

“you know, time would move a lot faster if we had an xbox.”

“from now on, people mess with us at their own peril.”

“okay, i have no idea what i'm doing.”

“show me the justice in that.”

“once they start handing out grades for destruction of school property, i'll be in good shape.”

“man aims high. gotta give him that.”

“hey, you smell nice.”

“i feel bad, so let me make it up to you.”

“but you hate chinese food.”

“watch it, [name]. that big mouth is gonna get you in trouble.”

“i didn't say anything.”

“sorry. not helping.”

“hey! get your head in the game!”

“watch it, hothead!”

“and you topped mom's best score on the pinball machine? get outta here!”

“i'm sorry to barge in like this.”

“you want me to heat that up for you?”

“i was just gonna stick it in the microwave.”

“you want to sit down?”

“i think i can spare a minute.”

“others say she was smoking in the girls' room.”

“you have to stop caring about that.”

“and falling for him, was that before or after the lima beans?”

“he likes somebody else, and she's perfect.”

“wow. that is really deep.”

“see you around, hippie.”

“you don't have a date for homecoming?”

“your loyalties are clear when it comes to friends.”

“oh, god. oh. oh, i totally spaced.”

“i'm sorry. i know you must want to kill me.”

“when did you even start hanging out?”

“did i do or say anything last night to make you think this is okay?”

“i don't remember that being the plan.”

“hey. you did the history homework?”

“no one sits here but me.”

“i feel extremely dangerous.”

“does anyone else need a date for homecoming?”

“hey there, cutie. i was just thinking about you.”

“never call me cutie.”

“i'm not supposed to have anyone here.”

“how am i gonna get this place cleaned up in time?”

“i wish there was somewhere we could go to be alone.”

“could you go get me a diet caffeine-free orange soda?”

“have fun with [name]. you two deserve each other.”

“why would you do that? [name]’s been my best friend since first grade.”

“you're dumped!”

“i don't want to talk about it.”

“we're only going together to make you jealous.”

“dude, you're so stupid. she's totally into you.”

“you must have been a real jerk. because no matter what i do, i can't get 'em to stop talking to me.”

“you look like you could use a drink.”

“cheese cube?”

“you ever feel like you messed something up so bad that you'll never be able to fix it?”

“if someone is a true friend, you'd be surprised at how understanding they can be.”

“just because you have powers, that doesn't make you a hero. sometimes it just makes you a jerk.”

“oh, my god. i made out with an old lady.”

“look at those cute little legs.”

“i just want to say sorry because this whole thing was my fault.”

“i can't do anything more to help you. i'm not wonder woman, you know.”

“i went through puberty twice ... for this?”

“this is so sweet, i could hurl.”