#she was really shady in hindsight

[sweetestdesire]

EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED

WARNINGS: hair pulling, extreme domination, public sexual acts, exhibitionist kink, etc. 18+ readers only

PAIRING(S): Trevor Zegras x Hughes!Reader

SUMMARY: in which Hughes!Reader gets some alone time with her brother’s best friend.

Y/N slung her bag over her shoulder and wandered down the paved pathway that led to her parents backyard. A trio of butterflies floated past while trees and lush plants overflowed from raised garden beds, creating a shady oasis from the summer sun. She drew in a breath and let it out in a contented sigh.

She pushed open the side gate and stepped from the enclosed area into the open backyard. Late-afternoon sunshine bathed the in-ground swimming pool and gardens bordering the property in a warm glow. An expanse of decking accommodated a couple of sun lounges at the water's edge.

Y/N dropped her bag beside the nearest one and slipped off her sandals. She pulled her hair into a ponytail and secured it with the tie that she kept around her wrist. She stripped off her shirt and dropped it onto the lounge, then shoved her shorts down and added them to the pile. She wandered over to the pool in her bright red bikini, taking time at the edge to indulge in a long stretch.

Just as she let out a breath and prepared to dive in, the creak of the side gate sounded behind her. "Hey, little Hughes."

Y/N didn't have to turn around to know who stood there. If his deep, husky voice hadn't been a dead giveaway, the fact that no one else ever called her by that name told her it was her brothers long-time best friend, Trevor.

Y/N turned to face him. "Hey. What are you doing here?" Her heart thumped harder at the sight of him. She hid her reaction behind her usual smile and let her gaze slide over him.

His board shorts sat low on his hips and his white tank top showcased a lean, muscled body. She wanted to sigh at the vision then slap herself for being so easily affected by him. The way his sensual mouth kicked up at one corner made her feel as if he could hear her thoughts.

"I'm staying in the spare room for a few days.” Trevor said.

"Really? Jack didn’t say anything."

Y/N had developed a crush on Trevor back when she was seventeen, and although he'd never shown the slightest interest in her, she'd figured making a move on him would help open his eyes to her appeal. With the benefit of hindsight and a little maturity, she could see now why that idea had been destined for failure.

Years later, her cheeks still grew hot at the memory of him laughing at her inexperienced attempts at seduction. It had been so awkward she would have laughed too if she hadn't been completely mortified.

Trevor grinned as he walked over to her. "I guess Jack didn't feel the need to tell you since... you know, you don't live here anymore." His gaze dropped to her breasts for a fraction of a second as he bumped his shoulder against hers.

Y/N knew she was in trouble when just that brief flicker of interest could get her pulse racing. "I guess you're right.” She said.

It amazed her that he had this power over her and had absolutely no idea, or at least appeared to be oblivious. Many times she'd silently admonished herself for being such a wimp about the whole situation. She should’ve been having fun trying to turn the tables on him, but the embarrassment from the last time she'd tried was still too fresh in her memory.

"Here for a swim?" Trevor asked.

"Yep." She adjusted the tie on her bikini top, not intentionally trying to draw his attention back there, but it had that effect on him. "Feel like having your ass kicked over a few laps?"

Trevor’s gaze returned to hers. He let out an amused breath as if he knew he'd been caught looking. "Yeah, why not."

He pulled his keys and wallet from his shorts and strolled over to her clothing to drop his belongings beside hers. Once he'd kicked off his shoes, Trevor grabbed the neckline of his tank top and tugged it over his head. He let it fall from his dangling fingertips then turned to face her. Y/N had to fight not to close her eyes and sigh. He was just too damn appealing.

Her eyes followed his movements as he walked back toward her. She took in the relaxed set of his shoulders, the smile that hovered at his mouth. She'd only had the opportunity to be alone with him for brief moments in the past because her brothers were always been around. Y/N wasn't sure she could handle the temptation and the torture now she had him all to herself.

"Why the frown?" Trevor asked, coming to a stop before her.

She tried her best to shake away the thoughts and rolled her shoulders. "Just mentally preparing for a win, that's all."

Trevor flicked her ponytail, the gleam of amusement in his eyes telling her he knew there was something more to it than that. "Well, are you going to get in or just stand there all day posing?"

Y/N tried to glare at him, but laughter bubbled up inside her. "There's only one poser here and we both know it's not me."

He grabbed her wrists and held them out to her sides. "Why were you doing that thing with your boobs, then?" He asked.

The rising laughter burst from her in a surprised breath. "What thing?"

"Pushing them out to get my attention. You don't need to do that. Believe me, I already noticed."

Y/N made a show of trying to tug her hands free, even though the sensation of his fingers tightening on her wrists made her skin tingle with awareness.

"I don't need or want your attention.” She said.

"Really?" His gaze wandered down her body.

Y/N held her breath, her heart pounding at his blatant appraisal. She had to keep reminding herself he was only teasing and trying to make a point, but a shiver passed through her and her nipples hardened under the weight of his stare.

When his eyes met hers again, her breath hitched and her cheeks flooded with heat. "Liar.” Trevor said, smiling. "You're still into me, aren't you?"

Y/N tried to laugh, but it came out more like a choking sound. "No!" Could he see it on her face? She'd always tried to keep it her own little secret. Not even her closest friends knew the depth of her feelings for him.

Trevor tugged her closer. "You can tell me the truth. I won't make a big deal out of it."

"It's been years. How sad would it make me if I'd been carrying a torch for you all this time?"

"Maybe it would make you dedicated or romantic. I don't know these things, I'm a guy."

"Don't worry; I'm well aware of that fact." Y/N forced herself to look him straight in the eyes. "I've moved on, okay. It was just a silly crush."

"You sure?"

His words sounded casual, but she heard an underlying tone there that she'd never noticed before. "Uh-huh."

Their gazes meshed. Her breaths came hard. It gave her a small sense of satisfaction to see that for whatever reason he appeared to be struggling, too. He'd pulled her so close that her hardened nipples brushed against his chest. Y/N gasped at the contact; Trevor swore under his breath.

Trevor let go of her wrists and turned away from her. She took in the hard lines of his profile, her pulse racing at the sudden change in mood.

"What?" Y/N asked. "What did I do?"

"Nothing." Trevor shook his head and stared at the ground.

Several tense seconds passed where she stood waiting, not knowing how to respond. While she was still trying to figure out what had happened, Trevor scooped her up in his arms and tossed her into the pool.

Her screech of protest cut through the air as the cool water crashed over her. Y/N held her breath and felt the splash beside her as he followed her in. She pushed to the surface spluttering and swiping the hair from her eyes.

“I can't believe you did that!" Y/N sliced her hand through the water to send the spray into Trevor’s face.

Although he appeared more at ease now the strange moment between them had ended, the glint in his eye told her he had retaliation in mind. Before he could make a move she took off, trying to put some distance between them. Several strokes in, Trevor grabbed her ankle and dragged her back toward him.

Y/N let out a laughing scream and kicked to no effect before suddenly finding herself twisted around and pressed against a hard, wet body. Her thigh slid between his as they disentangled themselves. She unintentionally rubbed her knee against the bulge in his shorts and a sudden craving hit her hard. Her mouth opened; unfortunately she'd forgotten how to speak.

Y/N couldn't look at him, but she couldn't look away either. "You're...”

"Jesus, Y/N. Shut up."

She heard the reluctant humor in his voice. The water came up to his shoulders, but she had to work to keep afloat. "Why's your cock hard?" Y/N asked. "I mean, around me?"

"Please, Y/N.” Trevor appeared to be struggling between amusement and embarrassment which only made her more curious. "Don't say that word."

"What word?" Y/N asked. "Cock?"

Trevor growled and grabbed her elbows, dragging her against him. She'd never seen him look this uncomfortable before. "I swear, if you say that one more time."

Y/N couldn't stop a wide smile from spreading across her face. She felt like she had the upper hand for the first time ever with him. "Cock.” She said. If the word came out sounding a little breathy and seductive, it wasn't her fault. Not really.

"Y/N." The warning look Trevor gave her only made her want to push him further to find out what happened when she went too far. He scrubbed his hand down his face and sighed. "Quinn’s going to fucking kill me."

"What are you talking about?" The way he looked at her had her stomach lurching in hope and despair all at the same time. His gaze lowered to her mouth, lingering there long enough to have her self-consciously wetting her bottom lip.

"Trevor?" Y/N drew in a sharp breath, trying not to care too much too soon. His eyes remained on hers, his expression resigned. "That's why you asked if I still had a thing for you, because you're into me?"

Something grew to bursting point inside her, something big and happy that made her feel full and alive. Her heart pounded. Her fingers clenched on his shoulders.

"How long?" Y/N asked.

"A while."

"You big idiot. Why didn't you say anything? If you had any idea how much I…” Y/N shook her head at the amount of time they'd both wasted. "Why did you say Quinn would kill you?"

"Have you met Quinn? He made it pretty fucking clear that I can't make a move on his little sister.”

Y/N laughed. She couldn't help herself. This was just too ridiculous for words. "So you're going to stand back and do nothing? Is that how it goes?"

"Until I think of a better idea."

"Is this some kind of man-code thing? I thought women were supposed to be the complicated ones?”

"We're protective of our sisters. If he tried it on with mine I'd be pissed, too." Trevor looked like he was trying to suppress a smile which only made her want to bring it to the surface more.

"You're telling me that no matter what I say or do, you're going to stand your ground and not take this any further?"

"Yeah, that's what I'm saying."

As far as she was concerned he'd just given her free rein to tease him mercilessly until he cracked under pressure. Y/N couldn't think of a better way to spend a Saturday afternoon, especially since she'd just expected to come here for a quick dip and head home.

"Are we going for that swim?”

She looked up at the sound of his voice, feeling the sudden urge to wrap herself around him and kiss him senseless. Y/N settled for pulling him closer with her fingers curled over his shoulders. "I have a better idea." Her legs parted, hugging his waist to draw him against her.

"What are you doing?"

"Testing the limits." Y/N held back a smile and flattened her palm against his shoulder, sliding her hand down to his chest. Her pinkie grazed his nipple and she felt the sharp jolt that went through him. "You're really going to play hard to get?"

Trevor swept his thumb over her temple. "Only until this is all out in the open. I don't want to sneak around with you."

Hearing him talk about her in this way made her heart thud. Y/N lifted her hand to comb back his hair, watching the way his eyes closed to soak up the pleasure in her touch.

“Please, Trevor.” Y/N said. She pressed a soft kiss beside his mouth then brushed her lips across his skin to play at his ear. "I've been waiting years for you."

Trevor groaned and rubbed his cheek against hers, his arms coming around her waist to pull her even closer. His erection pressed against her insistently.

Y/N sank one hand into his thick hair while the other swept up and down his spine. "I think you should kiss me.” She said.

"I can't." His arms tightened around her briefly. "I'm trying not to fuck everything up."

Y/N smiled and touched her lips to his earlobe. "Just let me seduce you and you can blame it all on me.”

A laughing breath left him. He smoothed his hand over her shoulder. "Nice idea, but that's not going to happen."

Y/N figured it wouldn't take much to get him to change his mind. She pulled back to look at him, enjoying the warmth in his gaze as it traveled over her. Her knee slid between his again, lifting higher until the top of her thigh met the rigid length hidden in his shorts. She rubbed him slowly, watching his expression change from one of amusement to arousal.

“You're so hard.” Y/N said.

Trevor groaned and closed his eyes. Her mouth pressed to his throat and she felt his pulse flutter against her lips. She left a trail of kisses behind as she moved to his strong jawline. She kissed him there and continued on until her mouth hovered over his, their warm breaths intermingling. The taste of him, the feel of him, she couldn't hold back now she'd had a sample.

“I want you inside me, Trevor."

"Y/N." He clasped her face in his hands, resting his forehead against hers. "I want you so much I can't fucking breathe.”

A bolt of heat shot straight through her. She gasped as a feeling of wildness tore through her. "You can't expect me to leave you alone after that."

Y/N held onto his shoulder, slipping her other hand behind her to tug on the tie that held her bikini top in place. Once she'd loosened the bow, she pulled the soaked material over her head and tossed it behind her onto the pool ledge.

Y/N should have felt self-consciousness being half-naked in front of him, but she was too turned on to care. Her arms wrapped around his neck, her bare breasts flattening against his chest as she crushed her mouth to his. Trevor didn't put up a fight. He held her tightly and kissed her back, his lips warm and wet, his fingers clutching her to him. She moaned at his touch, caught up in the sensations charging through her.

Trevor’s tongue probed gently at first, becoming bolder with each passing second. She clenched her thighs around him and immersed herself in his strength, his heat. His hands lowered to her ass, gripping her ass to support her weight.

They continued exploring each other's mouths for long, luxurious moments until Trevor finally dipped his hand beneath her and worked his thumb inside the elastic leg of her bikini bottoms. Y/N held her breath, her heart racing with anticipation. His thumb found her clit and she gasped at the contact. He smiled against her mouth, rubbing her in firm circles while he kept up his deep, lazy kisses.

Y/N shuddered as desire built inside her. She always got so worked up around him that it wouldn't take long to push her over the edge. She clasped his shoulders and held on as he massaged her clit. His free hand moved to the tie on her bikini bottoms. She took the hint and helped out by loosening the one on the other side. He whipped the material from her and droplets of water rained down on them as he flung it over her shoulder.

Y/N pulled her mouth from his and took a couple of panting breaths. She gave him a quick once over, her stomach dipping at the intensity in his expression. Trevor sank his fingers inside her, delving deep and drawing back again while he worked her clit with his thumb.

"Oh, God.” Y/N’s teeth bit into her lower lip. The pleasure from his touch left her breathless.

His mouth lifted on one side, his gaze warm and intimate as it roamed over her. Her hips jerked to meet the thrust of his fingers, her breasts mashed against his chest. Desire rose inside her until she couldn't take any more. Then, it all came to a stop.

Y/N cried out in protest and made a grab for him. Trevor chuckled as he planted a kiss on her mouth and gripped her hips. He walked further down the pool with her until the water just reached his waist, then lifted her onto the side and left her sitting there. She would have felt rejected if it hadn't been for the way he looked at her.

Trevor worked on the button at the waistband of his shorts, curving his other hand around the back of her neck and pulling her to him for a long kiss. His tongue swept over hers, his lips caressing and arousing.

When he'd pushed her to the point that she wanted to beg for more, Trevor broke the connection and whispered against her mouth, “Finish yourself off for me, beautiful.”

Her stomach quivered at the thought. She'd pleasured herself before but never with an audience. Y/N glanced down at her body, taking in her hardened nipples, the goosebumps dotting her skin, the way her stomach tightened with each harsh breath that left her. Her legs were slightly parted, her calves dangling in the water, and Trevor stood there drinking in the sight as if he never wanted to look away.

"I haven't done this before.” Y/N said. "I mean... not in front of anyone." She wanted to do it though, just for him. She sent him an imploring look as she parted her knees. "If you laugh..." Any indication that he found her efforts amusing would have her clamping her legs shut again.

"Y/N, the last thing I want to do is laugh." Trevor pushed his shorts down and stepped out of them.

Unfortunately, Y/N couldn't get a clear view of what they revealed because his lower half was still mostly hidden by the water. He threw his shorts onto the deck where they landed with a wet slop. She gave him a small smile, taking comfort in the fact they were both naked now.

Trevor rested his palms on her knees and urged them further apart. He leaned in to press his lips to hers, kissing her in such a slow, sensual way that she moaned deep in her throat. Her fingers slipped between her thighs and began teasing her pussy.

The first caress made her sigh; the second caused her to moan. Trevor touched the back of her hand and let out a deep breath through his nose. His palm slid up her thigh, traveling further over damp skin until he cupped her breast.

Y/N tilted her hips, rubbing her clit in a circular motion with her wet fingers. Trevor’s tongue thrust against hers as his thumb worked her nipple into a tight, aching nub. A whimper left her. She clutched the back of his neck with her free hand, holding his mouth to hers. She wanted to stay in the moment with him, to make the most of every second, but she couldn't stop herself from wanting more.

Her desire grew at the thought of him sinking inside her. The pace of her massaging motions increased. Trevor ended the kiss and rested his mouth beside hers, drawing in air as she pushed herself closer to that peak.

"Does it feel good rubbing your pussy while I watch?" He asked.

Y/N heard the husky tone in his voice, and the way desire had deepened the sound. She nodded quickly, giving his cheek a breathless kiss. She kept up the smooth movements of her fingers, rubbing, teasing, getting closer and closer until...

"Fuck, Trevor." Her thighs clenched around his hips. Panting breaths left her. A feeling of intense pleasure tingled beneath her fingers and flooded her body with warmth. She let out a hoarse cry that left her shaking, weak.

Trevor groaned and clasped her face in his palms, kissing her hard. His tongue slid over hers, his mouth firm and demanding. She should have felt more settled now she'd already came, but it just made her need him even more.

Y/N gave Trevor a quick kiss and pulled back, trying to catch her breath. Her attention dropped to the water, settling on the shadow barely hidden beneath the rippled surface. She wanted him laid out before her so she could touch him and see him properly. She knew the best way to make that happen; she just hoped her trembling legs would hold up.

"I bet your cock's just aching for some action now, isn't it?”

His gaze lowered to her bare breasts then returned to meet her eyes. "Pretty much. What are you going to do about it?"

Y/N let out a deep breath. "Catch me and find out." She pushed off the edge of the pool, drew her feet under her and sprinted naked through the backyard.

Y/N heard his laugh behind her and sent a fleeting look over her shoulder. Trevor vaulted from the pool in one fluid movement, the view of his impressive body making her suck in her breath. She turned her head to watch where she was going, barely able to believe that in another moment or two that man was going to be all hers.

Trevor caught her in a few strides, hooking his arm around her waist and lifting her from her feet. He swung her in a wide circle then dropped to the lush grass with her. He shifted his body to break her fall and she landed on top of him, laughing breathlessly.

The scent of roses surrounded them, the warmth of the sun heating their skin. Droplets of water clung to Trevor’s hair and a smile hovered at his mouth. While the mood was still light between them she straddled his waist and flattened her palm on his chest. Before he could figure out what she was up to, Y/N used her other hand to grab his cock and guide him into her.

"Jesus, Y/N.” Trevor tipped his head back and gripped her hips, his fingers digging into her flesh.

Y/N sank down on him fully, watching desire cloud his features as his rigid length disappeared inside her. She sighed at the feeling of fullness, settling on top of him with her thighs cradling his body. She rested her palms on his chest and rocked back and forth on his cock, riding him slowly.

Blades of grass tickled her knees and the breeze caressed her bare breasts. She noticed the muscles in his stomach tighten as he lifted his ass to give a couple of slow thrusts. The sensation was almost too much.

“Having you inside me..." Y/N moistened her lower lip. "God, I've wanted you for so long."

Trevor dragged her against him, pressing his lips to her throat. His arms came around her as he pulled back and sank inside her again. Her breasts flattened against his chest, the warmth of his skin comforting her even as his touch and his plunging cock excited her senses.

Y/N turned her head, kissing his jaw then covering his mouth with her own. She couldn't hold back anymore. She thrust her tongue between his lips as he drove his cock inside her. Her hands sank into his hair. She shoved her hips back to meet each glide of his shaft, needing to deepen the connection, to take in as much of him as she could.

She pulled her mouth from his and pleaded, "Harder. Fuck me harder."

Trevor made a growling sound and kissed her again, the pressure of his fingers on her upper thighs increasing. His hips lifted in quick, shallow thrusts that had her breasts jolting against his chest. She was still so sensitive from the attention she'd given her pussy. Each plunge of his cock only intensified the lingering sensations.

Y/N wanted more. She gripped his hair and pressed her mouth to his, pushing her hips down hard against his thrusts. She imagined all the things she could do to him now their feelings were out in the open; she pictured him pressing her against the wall in her shower, bending her over the couch, taking her on the kitchen bench.

A long moan slipped from her and she begged him again. "Harder.”

"God, you're fucking demanding." She heard the humor in his voice as he pulled out of her and urged her off him.

Y/N’s eyes widened. "Don't stop.”

Trevor flipped her onto her stomach, using his hand on the back of her neck to press her into the grass. "Stop talking and open your legs."

A surge of need took over and she did just that, beaming inside at his gruff tone. Her thighs parted and Trevor wedged himself in between them. She closed her eyes, biting her lip as he eased his cock inside her. He filled her completely in one smooth thrust, then drew back and drove into her again.

Y/N cried out, trying to push her ass up but he held her firm. One hand kept her in place at the base of her neck while the other flattened against her spine. She worked her hand beneath her body and touched him, feeling the slick glide of his rigid flesh each time he withdrew and plunged into her, again and again.

Y/N used her wet fingertips to massage her clit, her movements restricted now he had her under him. She pressed and rubbed, gasping for breath as his thrusts grew more intense. The sounds he made just pushed her closer to losing it.

Trevor braced his hands either side of her head and rested his chest against her back. She felt him lean in to kiss the water-slicked skin behind her ear. "You like that, baby?"

Y/N moaned and her hips writhed beneath him. A breathless yes came from her open mouth. Her fingers moved with increasing speed over her slippery clit. She clenched her thighs around him, trying to pull him even closer.

Trevor groaned and kept pumping away inside her. "Are you gonna cum nice and hard all over my cock?"

A feeling of urgency claimed her. "Yes. God, Trevor. Fuck me." She wouldn't last much longer.

Trevor pressed his lips to her throat and slammed inside her. His roughened jaw abraded her skin. His warm breath slid over her. The tensing of his stomach against her lower back told her he was close.

Y/N rubbed faster, her fingers shifting from side to side. Her gasps came in time with his thrusts. He strained against her ass, shoving his cock inside her. He shuddered and pumped hard a couple more times before finally coming with a loud groan. The knowledge that he'd filled her with cum sent her tumbling over the edge with him, releasing a sobbing moan as her orgasm streaked through her.

They both took a moment to catch their breath, then Trevor pulled away and rolled her onto her back. He leaned over her, bending his head to tease her lips with his mouth.

"God, you make sexy sounds.” He said. His eyes filled with tenderness as he looked down at her.

They shared a few seconds of silence, but the longer it dragged on the more she thought about everything else she wanted to do him and it made her grin.

"What are you smiling about?" Trevor asked.

"You." Y/N linked her fingers at the back of his neck and urged him closer for another long, searching kiss. She pulled back and rubbed her lips together. "What do we do now?" She asked.

"I guess you go home and in the morning, I'll let your brothers know how we feel about each other. If I survive, I'll come see you so we can celebrate."

Y/N laughed, knowing it wouldn't be anywhere near as serious as he imagined. "I think you can take them all in a sprint.” She said. “But while you're running, don't forget to duck and weave."

Trevor let out a low chuckle. "Wow. Thanks for the advice."

"You're welcome. When you're done talking, how do you plan on celebrating with me?"

Trevor trailed his fingertips down her throat, caressing her collarbone before he dipped further to cup her breast. "It's probably best if I just show you.” He said.

[propertyoftoru]

Something in the Air | L.F

wc: 4.5k

pairing: Lee Felix X Fem!Reader

warnings: smut MDNI, sex pollen AU, felix goes to a witchy apothecary and finds himself in a predicament, Switch!Felix, Switch!Reader, Felix has somewhat of a dom drop, thigh slapping, lots of teasing, felix is kind of a pervert, creampie/mentions of breeding, unprotected sex, tiny bit of choking, dumbification, lots of praise (giving and receiving), just pure filth (i’m sure i missed some stuff)

A/N: This is not proofread. I was so fuckin tired but i really wanted to finish this so i hope you enjoy :>

Lee Felix is a fucking idiot. At Least that's what he repeatedly tells himself as he paces around his apartment. A frustrated groan falling from his lips as he made another lap around his couch, tugging on the ends of his hair painfully. 

He should have known better really, not to trust that shady shop in some desolate corner of town. But he really wanted to get you something special for your birthday and you had a penchant for the more peculiar things. So he asked around and a friend of a friend told him about this witchy apothecary, known for its jewelry and other trinkets. He was so sure he would find something there that would suit you, so when the woman who ran the shop left him unattended while she ran out back he didn't think twice before looking around. He wandered against his better judgment and ended up in some back room that he most definitely should not have entered in hindsight. 

The walls were lined with bookshelves overflowing with hundreds of books, some barely holding together by their bindings and others seemingly brand new. His eyes then fell to the glass cases holding items that he wasn't quite able to identify. Finally he spotted it, certainly out of the ordinary, the leaves being a strange purple color with red veins. But the flowers are what caught his eye, the delicate white with swirls of lilac and pink. He was certain you would adore them, despite not really being a flower person he knew you would appreciate their peculiarness. He had to be sure they smelled as pretty as they looked before he bothered asking the kind woman how much they cost. So when he carefully opened the glass and leaned in to inhale deeply, he was almost startled by how potent the scent really was. It was like his hand had a mind of its own as he reached out to touch the petals, noticing the purple powder that was now dusting his fingers. Felix jerked away when the woman spoke from behind him shaking her head with a teasing glint in her eyes. “Oh sugar, you're in for a long night.” 

His head was spinning as you continued to speak “Binnie made me workout with him...” He could practically picture you pouting with your arms crossed over your chest. “He’s being so mean Lixie! Tell him to let me leave so I can come over and stuff my face full of your sweets.” Normally Felix would’ve chuckled at that but the idea of you being around him right now sent him into a goddamn spiral. The metaphorical alarms were blaring in Felix’s head telling him that under absolutely no circumstances could he let you come over. 

Felix had already been fighting his natural urges to cuddle the ever living hell out of you every time he saw you for months now, and that was putting things lightly. He would never admit outloud the amount of times he’s fisted his cock to the cute selfies you would send him. He would certainly rather die than ever admitting to stealing your panties when hanging out at your apartment, just to rush home and fuck into them until he was a drooling and whimpering mess.

In his current state there was no doubt in his mind that he would get on his knees and beg for you to use him. He wouldn't be able to stop himself from telling you just how obsessed he was with you.  So when he spoke again he was sure he had a masochistic streak but he just needed to see you.

“Tell Changbin I need you for something. It's important.” If you replied he didn’t hear it because he quickly hung up and flung his phone onto the counter with a loud clatter. 

He made quick work of stripping his clothing off as he rushed to his bathroom, turning on the shower to a freezing temperature. He prayed to any god that would listen that his body temperature would go down, but as his eyes landed on his painful erection he knew that his prayers would go unanswered. He reached out a timid hand to gently drag his fingertips along his shaft, his other hand flying out to stabilize himself against the wall. His throat tightened and warmth bloomed across his chest and down his abdomen at the small touch. He hesitantly wrapped his hand around himself, squeezing harshly and slowly moving up and down. He nearly sobbed at the speed his orgasam approached, his thighs trembling, eyes clenched tight, as he came all over his fist and the shower floor. When he realized his erection showed no signs of going away he did sob. He quickly washed up avoiding touching his sensitive cock as much as he could before throwing on the loosest sweats he owned. 

Fast forward to now as he continued to pace around his living room awaiting your arrival. He wasn't even sure you were actually coming or not having not looked at his phone since he hung up on you. Part of him hoped that you would just go back to your apartment and question his odd behavior the next time you hung out. But a much larger part of him desperately hoped you would come, because even your presence would soothe him if not the tiniest bit. 

A rhythmic knocking on his front door signaled your arrival, he recognized the knocking pattern to be the one that only you ever used. As he made his way to his door he swiftly reached down to tuck himself under the waistband of his pants, quietly whimpering at the pressure but anything was better than the obvious tent it presented. As he swung the door open you immediately took notice of his disheveled appearance. The splotches of red across his chest and collarbones, his hair sticking up in different directions seemingly from being pulled on, and his bottom lip red and swollen from being chewed on. Your eyebrows shot up as you took in the sight of him your mouth hanging open slightly.

“Uh… is this a bad time?” You fought the urge to peek over his shoulder to check for who might’ve turned him into the pretty mess in front of you. “If you have someone over I can just come over tomorrow.” His eyebrows pulled together in confusion as he reached up to his forehead to swipe away the sweat coating his skin. Your eyes dropped to the way the fabric of his thin tank top swayed, exposing his sides when he moved. But your attention was quickly drawn to his nipples poking through the fabric and the way his chest seemed to heave with every breath he took. 

“No, there's nobody here.” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously “I was just… My air conditioning broke! It's just really hot in here!” He laughed nervously before moving aside gesturing for you to come in. You took note of the fact that the temperature was completely normal and that you could hear the faint hum of his air conditioner but you chose not to mention it. 

“Are you sure everything is okay Lixie?” Your back was to him so you missed the way his eyes squeezed shut at the nickname. He pulled in a quick breath before faking a smile when you turned to face him. “Yep! Everythings totally fine!” 

You hesitated a bit but gave him a nod before making your way into his living room, plopping down on his couch. “Hey, do you mind if I take a quick shower before we do anything? I’m still all gross from the torture that Binnie calls a workout.” Felix’s head felt like it was gonna explode at the thought of you showering in the very same shower that he just jerked off in not even 20 minutes ago. Still he nodded and offered you a pair of his clothes to change into once you were finished. 

Once he heard the water turn on he bit down on his knuckle harshly, his mind going wild at the idea of you naked on the other side of the wall. He started his pacing again as he fought the urge to touch himself, his cock still painfully throbbing against his hip. He decided to change into basketball shorts, his sweatpants suddenly way too hot for him to be wearing.

As he made his way down the hall he noticed the bathroom door cracked open, the heat and the steam from your hot shower making its way through the opening. Felix’s poor heart felt like it was going to stop as he stared at the door. Did you just accidentally not close it all the way? How did you not notice it wasn’t closed? And why didn't you lock the door behind you? He didn’t even realize he had moved forward until his hand made contact with the handle of the door, about to nudge it open. He quickly jerked his hand back and internally scolded himself for being such a pervert. But in his moment of weakness the thought of just a tiny peek didn't seem so horrible.You would never find out right? He just needed a little glimpse, just something to help him get through the intense jerking off he was planning on doing once you left. So when he reached his hand out and carefully nudged the door open he certainly didn't expect to see you standing under the water staring back at him with an evil smirk plastered on your lips. He yelped and began to stumble over his words trying to offer you something between an apology and an explanation. But much to your amusement the entire time he was rambling his eyes were greedily raking over your naked body.

You smiled to yourself as you thought that your bold action of leaving the door cracked open just might have paid off. When you noticed Felix was so out of it upon your arrival you tried to get a closer look at him as you walked past him. The subtle bulge near his hip gave him away and you hoped that if you played your cards just right maybe tonight would finally be the night that your friendship blossomed into something more. 

“You forgot to tell me where the towels are Lixie” you reached to turn off the water before making your way to stand directly in front of him. You could almost see his brain malfunctioning as he opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water. He quickly bent down and grabbed a towel out of his cabinet before practically shoving it into your hands. 

You gave him a soft smile before saying thank you and beginning to dry off like normal but when you looked back you saw Felix still standing there like he was glued to that spot. Whatever kind of internal war was happening inside his brain you quickly interrupted by reaching out and touching his cheek.  

“Maybe I could thank you properly?” He opened his mouth to reply but quickly shut it before nodding eagerly.

“Words baby…” You stroked your thumb over his bottom lip and tugged it down gently before releasing it. “I need words” Felix swore he must've fallen and hit his head because there's no way that this was real. But when you said his name with a gentle yet stern tone he realized that this was real and this was happening and he was just standing there like an idiot. 

“Yes p-please” Felix couldn't bring himself to care how pathetic he sounded and thankfully it only seemed to spur you on further. 

A smile stretched its way across your lips as you raked your fingers up the back of his neck and into his hair, grabbing a fistful and tugging his head back harshly. “Let me show you just how thankful I am Lixie” You mumbled against this throat as you ghosted kisses across the skin there. You heard him choke back a strained whimper as you nipped gently at the spot behind his ear. As you pulled away to scold him for holding back the loud gasp followed by a needy high pitched whine at your absence told you it wouldn't take much more for him to completely fall apart. 

You continued your kisses down his neck and across his collarbones, being sure to pull back every so often to gently blow over the wet areas. Felix’s knees felt like they were going to give out any second and with the way his head was spinning he wasn't entirely sure he wasn't going to faint. You felt him cautiously take your hips in his hands and hold onto them for dear life, and he hoped you wouldn't be upset with him for touching you without permission. 

“B-Bedroom… please.. I-” He cut himself off with another gasp as you pressed against his bulge with your palm, a faux sympathetic look taking over your features. “You can wait just a little longer, can't you baby?” You continued to lightly squeeze him through his sweats as you kissed across his chest. “ Wanna keep playing with you some more.” You kitten licked his nipple before taking it in your mouth and swirling your tongue around it, nibbling on it gently. The sounds leaving Felix were pure sin, a mixture of your name with high pitched whines and low groans.

“So pathetic Lixie… I’ve hardly touched you and your a fucking mess for me” You giggled at the way his moans only seemed to increase at your taunting.

When you applied more pressure to his aching cock along with the work of your busy mouth on his nipples his poor body just couldn't take it any more. His knees buckled and his brain turned to mush as you pushed him backwards to pin his hips between you and the bathroom counter. You helped lift him up onto the counter as he wrapped his arms around your neck and he pouted down at you. Tears were pooling in his eyes and his lips were swollen and glossy from him chewing on them.

“Pleasepleaseplease…” Felix’s hips started to roll against you as you held on to him tightly, allowing him to relieve some of the pressure that had been building between his thighs. A deep groan ripped from his throat as you began sucking marks into his chest while he continued to grind into you. You could feel the wetness of his precum seeping through the fabric of his pants and you let out an appreciative hum as you looked down to see the dark patch. “Feel good baby?” He nodded against the crook of your neck where he was drooling and nibbling at the skin gently. “Mhm…want more.. please touch me more”  

“Such a good boy lixie hmm? So polite for me” You slipped your hand under the elastic of his pants, taking him in your hand and feeling him throb against your palm. “Good boys deserve to be rewarded.” Felix was practically sobbing into your neck now, the feeling of you finally touching his cock overwhelming him instantly. As you began to twist your wrist gently and brush your thumb over his slit his cries only got louder mixed with babbles about how good you made him feel and him begging you not to stop. Somewhere in the mix of his rambling you heard him choke out that he was close so you sped up just enough along with your lips mouthing at his neck to send him flying over the edge. His thighs trembled as he came in his sweatpants and he was gasping for air as you continued to stroke him into oversensitivity. His hands shot out to gently nudge your hand away “t-too much p-please… I just need a s-second” so you continue to place gentle kisses along his throat and across his chest as you let him come down from his high, being sure to whisper sweet praises about how good he did for you. 

When he finally pulled away you noticed how dark his eyes were, pupils still blown and suddenly that innocent and needy glint was replaced with something else entirely. The intensity of his gaze made you feel like squirming so you looked down to try and avoid it but your jaw dropped when you saw him still straining against his pants. 

“How are you still hard?” You asked in slight disbelief but mostly just pure shock. Felix didn't respond but instead slid off of the counter, walking you backwards until you were the one pressed up against the wall. His pointer finger slid under your chin tipping your head up until you met his eyes again.

“Listen to me sweetheart” He paused to slide his palms under your thighs and lift you up, wrapping your legs around his waist. “I don't know why the hell my cock wont calm the fuck down but..” He began to walk you both towards his bedroom where he all but tossed you onto his mattress. “You're gonna be a good girl and take everything I give you until it does yeah?”

He made quick work of ripping his clothes off, his angry red cock slapping against his stomach, before he was crawling over you. You nodded eagerly attempting to reach your hands out to wrap around his shoulders but he was quick to grab them and pin them back to the mattress. He leaned down and brought his lips next to your ear “Don’t you think you were greedy enough earlier? You had your chance to touch all you wanted and you chose to be a fucking tease instead.” The way he snarled the words harshly had you attempting to clench your thighs together but his own thigh lodged between yours, just barely brushing against your cunt.

“Don't worry kitty I'll make sure to fuck you until youre sobbing and begging me to stop just like you had me.” The rapid switch in dynamics left your head buzzing and your heart pounding with excitement. You whined and bucked your hips forward trying to reach his thigh, desperate for any kind of friction or touch. Despite how much you teased him earlier you desperately wanted him inside of you, to be as close as possible to him. 

When you continued to whine and squirm underneath him he raised an eyebrow at you. “You had so much to say earlier and now youre so quiet…Cat got your tongue kitty?” His condescending chuckle pulled another whine from you. “Please Lixie… n-no more teasing just want you to ruin me.” You were slurring your words, practically drunk on lust, on top of the way your eyes were hooded and your lips were poking out in a pout Felix had no choice but to fold. He would take his time to dom you properly another day but right now you're both just as desperate for this to happen.  

As he brought his hand down to your soaking cunt he kept his eyes locked on yours mumbling “Gonna take care of you pretty girl” and “gotta get you nice and ready for my cock yeah?” He began dragging his middle finger through your folds gathering some of the wetness and bringing it up to your clit. You couldn't help but buck your hips at the sensation even with his other hand pressing down on your abdomen to hold you in place. Your whines got louder as he began to circle your hole with his finger. You were about to complain when he finally pushed it in immediately curling upwards and searching for the spot that would make you see stars. He started out slow and teasing but eventually sped up after adding a second finger. Starting to scissor them and rocking them upwards, the heel of his palm grinding against your clit, the combination quickly bringing you close. 

“Feels so good lixie” you tried bucking your hips again to get even more friction and you earned a harsh slap to your inner thigh. The stinging sensation mixed with the pleasure his fingers were bringing you tipped you over the edge as you creamed around his fingers. Your high pitched moans and grunts drove Felix crazy as you sucked his fingers deeper into your cunt. 

“Such a greedy little pussy baby” he finally pulled his fingers out to suck your them clean before leaning down to attach his lips to yours. It was the first time you had kissed since this all began and it made your head spin in a completely different way. You could taste yourself on his tongue and lips and that made you whimper into his mouth. He dropped his hand in between your bodies and guided his cock to your drenched cunt. He slid it back and forth between your folds a few times to coat himself in your wetness before lining himself up. He captured your lips in another delicate kiss as he sheathed himself inside of you in one swift thrust. Capturing every gasp and moan that attempted to leave your mouth with his lips, drinking in each one hungrily. The contrast of his soft lips kissing you gently and his rough hips snapping into you forcefully making your headspin. 

“Take my cock so well baby. Fuck.” He was mumbling into your neck now telling you how pretty you were and how good you were being for him. All you could do was sit there and take what he gave you, your mouth hanging open with drool slipping past your lips, too fucked out to even care. 

“Gonna fucking ruin you.” He slapped your thigh again.

“Fuck you so good that you’ll never even think about anyone else ever again.” His hand was sliding to wrap around your throat now, applying just enough pressure on the sides to make your head feel fuzzy. 

“Gonna breed this cute little cunt until it's stuffed full of my cum.” His pace increasing but not losing the force behind each thrust. 

“So fucking good letting me use you like this. But you love this don't you? Taking my cock like it's what you were meant to do.” More kisses, some on your lips while some were just around your mouth and scattered across your cheeks. You just hummed in response loving the affection and praise you were getting.

The combination of his filthy mouth, with his powerful thrusts, and his gentle kisses quickly had the knot in your stomach forming again and you could feel your legs begin to tremble against his sides. 

“Wrap your legs around me baby… that's it…fuck… just like that.” With your legs wrapped around his waist he was hitting even deeper inside of you and your cunt seemed impossibly tighter.

You so badly wanted to wrap your arms around his waist and sink your nails into the skin of his back but you tightly gripped the sheets under you trying to ground yourself. “Want you to cum around me, pretty girl. Can you do that for me hm? Cum around my cock like a good girl?” His voice was strained and his arms were trembling next to your head as his third orgasam of the night began its approach. You nodded and whined hoping he would give you the tiny bit of friction on your clit you needed to reach your high. Like he could read your mind his hand made its way between your bodies and began to rub gentle circles into your clit. Your orgasam twice as intense as the first one violently washed over you. You squeezed your eyes shut as you spasmed around his length that was still pounding into you. 

The sounds of your wetness and your squeals of oversensitivity filled the room and Felix found himself following shortly after you as you continued to milk his cock. He allowed himself to collapse on top of you after he emptied himself into you, careful to position his weight so it wouldn't hurt you.

His cock was still hard but his brain felt like mush and he wasn't sure how much more he could take. He noticed the way your hands remained by your sides and he suddenly felt more desperate for your touch than ever before. 

“Baby?” He whimpered against your chest. You hummed in reply too fucked out to even attempt to talk.

“Want you to hold me please…Miss your touch already.” The way he asked so timidly had your hands flying to his hair and back, one hand scratching gently at his back and the other ranking through his sweaty locks. 

“Did so good lixie.” He hummed happily at the contact and your words, nuzzling into you further. “Took such good care of me” 

You both just laid there for a while soaking in each other's presence and attempting to gather more energy to help Felix deal with his problem. Tomorrow you would talk about where this left you two but for tonight you would help Felix get this out of his system and Felix would enjoy every ounce of attention he got from you.

[awesomefringey]

Is this just my perception because of tumblr or do people actually care less about this stunt than any others before? like theres nothing to “chew on” for the gp either. they just do their thing and some harries get excited im sure but at what point does this become boring for them too?

I can only speak for myself, but yes, I’m hardly fazed by it all. Holivia has really bruised us in so many ways because they’ve gone off script so much.

Olivia herself was extremely attention hungry from the beginning. She would seek to be near Harry all the freaking time since her calendar was empty with no job in sight and split custody.

She would take her tired kids to the final show knowing very well People would drop the Holivia BUA less than 24 hours later.

Which took way too long in everyone’s opinion anyway, with all of her shit reflecting so badly on Harry. Hooking up with a subordinate, their shady stunt kickoff with Sudeikis hinting him and her weren’t done at the time, the embarrassing drama around Florence and Shia, the nasty custody battle that followed, the whack DWD promo interviews that revealed her twisted views on feminism, her arrogance towards Harry’s fans and calling us “mosquitoes”. Even Harry’s het fanbase bailed on her eventually, and they usually idolize any girl Harry lays his eyes on. I will never understand why Harry dragged her along for so long.

Olivia meant bad news in every way for Harry and in hindsight it looked like she needed Harry with his “good guy image” in her life to prove she’s not a terrible person.

With Hussell, Harry used familiar patterns from the beginning. The VIP tickets to the shows, the soho house roof top sun bathings, the strolls through London. We’re back to things being predictable. Taylor Russell has even received the same gold star package Olivia did, gets into Vogue, Harry Lambert takes care of her look and overall getting a huge push in the press for holding Harry’s hand. As long as TR doesn’t turn out to be another awful person in Harry’s life, we’ll be all but eye rolling from afar and yeah, possibly not care at all until the next BUA.

[sunnismaine]

You know what I would love? What would really make the world perfect? David Tennant and Michael Sheen in the new season of Downton Abbey.

I can just see them as a pair of rich-heir-turned-broke-gambler-turned-successful-businessman best friends, who, in passing, give genius financial advice to the Crawleys. It’ll be the end of the 30s – or already the 40s – the aristocracy needs that sort of help. They’ll be hella shady at first and we won’t know whether to trust them (but we don’t really care, ‘cause it’s the ineffable husbands, we would love them whatever they did) and then in hindsight they turn out to be the sweetest boys.

Just think about it. Lady Mary going for an important business meeting to secure a gold-mine of a deal and the ineffable boys will just remove all the other contenders for this particular deal to make sure she gets it.

It’ll just be a sketchy montage of the boys taking the contenders out – putting one on the wrong boat, snatching the letter explaining the meeting away from the footman carrying it to the recipient, getting one stuck with an old aristocrat lady who won’t stop talking and it would be rude to leave, etc. The possibilities are endless.

They ultimately won’t make it to the meeting themselves and will ask about it later, to which Lady Mary in her uppity way will respond: “We won the deal, naturally. No thanks to you, though. Where were you?”

We then get David’s indistinct evasive noises which go just about like this: “Dywnwnwwywm-” which Michael saves with an equally evasive, “We were about,” because the two dumbasses forgot to make up an excuse for themselves.

They are in everything these days, it would make so much sense. And I would just die.

Also featuring:

Mrs Hughes being overly protective of the quirky and sometimes socially awkward Scotsman.

David’s character finding a way to make an easter egg of a remark about the Crawleys’ name.

Thomas being envious of what the two ineffable husbands have between them before finding out that the two are, in fact, just best friends and are married to lovely blondes, Sadie and Dottie (cue cameo opportunity for the wives!).

[ceescedasticity]

I think my current headcanon is:

Caranthir had heard about Eöl from the Dwarves, including the information that he had a kind of weird and possibly messed up marriage going on, and he didn't keep this to himself — although it may not have spread outside the Fëanorians since I doubt they made a habit of passing on Caranthir's harsher opinions.

Even though they knew she'd been in the area, it never occurred to Celegorm or Curufin that Eöl's messed-up marriage might involve Aredhel. She's a princess of the Noldor, mighty and strong-willed — surely no mere dark elf could get the better of her.

She probably just went back to Mystery Location. And there's no need to inform Barad Eithel because they already know, surely. Turgon must be in some kind of contact with Fingolfin anyway.

Then: Curufin sees Aredhel and Maeglin fleeing, and the situation rearranges in his head. Shit.

He stalls Eöl as much as he can without breaking laws/treaties.

And then he does tell Maedhros, who does tell Fingolfin.

Now — Aredhel was last seen heading into Nan Dungortheb. Presumably she was heading for either Gondolin or maybe Barad Eithel? She never appears on the road to Barad Eithel, but one knows where Gondolin is.

And then she dies, and Fingolfin can tell she died, but not where or how — Eöl? Random monsters? They just don't know.

Fingolfin asks Maedhros to detain Eöl if he shows up again and tells Finrod to go discuss this with Thingol. Did Thingol know Fingolfin's daughter was in Nan Elmoth? What's the deal with this Eöl character, who by the way we will be detaining for questioning when the opportunity arises.

Important note: Melian does not like Eöl at all, and when she comments on his dark heart to Beleg Thingol doesn't argue with her.

On hearing about Eöl's apparent involvement with a missing Noldor princess, Thingol sends some people to investigate Nan Elmoth. They find no Eöl, just some servants and some evidence of shady shit going on. (Quite probably not all the servants are 100% voluntary.)

Thingol is not going to say his vassal committed abduction and rape. But he will concede there was apparently some shady shit going on, and if and when Eöl reappears Thingol will make sure he answers Fingolfin's questions and faces justice for whatever offenses he's committed.

(Melian supports just handing him over to the Noldor outright but Thingol needs convincing.)

With hindsight, he sees keeping a closer eye on Nan Elmoth would have been to everyone's benefit.

He even grants permission for some Noldor to poke around Nan Elmoth.

But since Eöl is still missing himself, there's not really anything else to be done at the moment.

Oh well.

It's not a diplomatic relations breaker, because Thingol is supporting finding out what happened and is not insisting on his vassal's innocence. But it doesn't do anything good.

(At the time of his death, Fingolfin knew: Aredhel died; Aredhel's marriage was messed up; Aredhel had a son; whether her son or 'husband' were alive and what the circumstances of her death were still a mystery.)

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hey Raven! 👋🏻 I just went through your #my art, and i wanted to tell you that i really really really like your artworks of Miss Raven and Co. You truly put a lot of effort into your artwork, and it shows! With each new drawing, you seem to be getting better! ✏️💕

As i mentioned earlier, i really liked your Miss Raven drawings! they're so cute! especially when you drew Miss Raven in alternative clothing. I also like how much detail you put in your designs for Miss Raven, like the ones for the Fairy Gala or Masquerade Ball are so beautiful 🥺 and still fit her character!

The one you did with her wearing different dorm uniforms from each dorm was such a cool idea! it was interesting to see how she may have appeared if Miss Raven was transferred to said dorms! call me biased, but i liked the octavinelle design the most 😂 but poor Miss Raven. If she had to work part-time in Mostro lounge, she'll have to avoid two predatory Eels 😭 One wants to tease her while the other either wants to squeeze her or dump all his work on her cuz he isn't feeling it today, then there's Azul who takes advantaged of the fact that Miss Raven is close to headmaster Crowley and makes profit 📈 Run Miss Raven Run!!!

Anyway, I think i'm going to steal her away and fight off a certain dangerous and manipulate Eel, a Skilful Hunter, a Lazy Lion, and a dude with the power of christ (idk is Rollo x Raven even a thing?!).

I always look forward to seeing a new artwork of yours truly~

[Referencing this tag!]

Wehhh 😭 I’m glad you find enjoyment in my silly little doodles! Art is definitely an area I’m less comfortable with, but I do like dabbling in it when the mood strikes.

There’s something therapeutic in designing a new look for your OC! You take the time to consider their individual style, the overall theme, and how you can marry the two to create a cute outfit~ I’m really happy with how Raven’s Fairy Gala Couture came out; it’s definitely one of my favorite looks for her. The Masquerade outfit was also fun for me to assemble, but it seems a lot less cohesive in hindsight (probably because I didn’t line + color it, so it’s harder to distinguish individual elements??).

The NRC dorm uniforms (+ the sequel with RSA and NBC uniforms) was another cool project! I think my favorites from those are the Heartslabyul look (just because I’m a sucker for the Alice in Wonderland aesthetic + Raven is twisted from the raven in its infamous riddle), the Diasomnia look (it gives “fairy tale princess turned knight” energy), and the Noble Bell look (because the extra fabric is nice and flowy). You can see how the environment and the personality of each school/dorm influences her, right? ^^ It’s also interesting to think about how differently Raven might have turned out if each of these places had more of an influence on her life.

Bruh 💀 I think she’d die if she worked at the Mostro Lounge, dealing with customers and shady coworkers and employer… though that’s not to say that any of the other dorms would necessarily be better! Miss Raven would have gripes with or rivals in each of them somehow. It’s the Night Raven College way, I guess??

One of these things is not like the other… Looking back on it, 3 out of 4 of those are basically predatory-prey dynamics there there’s a type developing and I don’t know if I like it/j 😂 I’d say Jade’s the “main” love interest, while Rook’s the “oh, he’s cute” one… L*ona kind of started as a crack ship but now I think it’s more of a one-sided thing?? Like, Miss Raven still sees L*ona as sort of a rival, whereas he’s grown a little fond of her but knows he can’t do much to sway her… It’s the eternally “second place” syndrome… 😔

Rollo has the most complex relationship with her (sure, call it a ship if you want 😂), built primarily on a strange savior complex. He did some heinous stuff and dislikes her because she’s very pro-magic—but I think there’s a part of him that feels like she’s a lost lamb that’s been led astray by Draconia and therefore he needs to “save” and “correct” her. Problem is, he’s bad at Emotions so his anger gets redirected at Miss Raven herself. Meanwhile, Miss Raven realizes the similarities between herself and Rollo, so she wants to be a friend to him. She sort of forces him to be her pen pal (thinking that writing down how he feels will help him cope with what happened). So weirdly enough, Raven wants to “save” Rollo and Rollo wants to “save” Raven (but both suck at communicating well).

Who knows, we’ll see how things play out from here Nd when the whim to draw strikes next 📝

[transingthoseformers]

SG Earthspark: Still not sure about the human Maltos' personalities, but Dot wasn't immune to propaganda (soldiers usually aren't). Not sure how she reacts to things. But then it turns out that the government she fought for and lives under allied with the evil aliens for some kind of ideological/profit reasons (as USA often does), did all those war crimes and post-War crimes, tried to use her children, and when all of that comes to light the government tries to cover it up with genocide, which almost kills her five youngest children. Dot isn't happy, that's for sure.

There's no canon about what actually happened to baseline Dot's leg in the friendly fure incident besides her ending up losing that leg. But maybe in SG it was something shady or callous even by war standards, if that's possible? Like if an Autobot fired right at her and the other soldiers at close range to (try to) get an enemy??? And Dot thinks about that and other Autobot behavior in hindsight....

I don't really know either but yeahhh the US does that a lot

Interesting proposal of how Dot might've lost her leg in this au because in context of the SG autobots yeah they'd do that!

[cricket-reader]

Stowaway

Masterlist | A03 | Wattpad | Recommendations | Inbox

Summary: Bucky takes home a woman he found whilst out on a mission. Quickly he learns that it might have been too rash of a decision to make.

Warnings: language, past abuse/torture, murder, antisocial Bucky, Bucky (he’s trying though), conditioned whumpee, injuries, self harm

Word Count: 4,166

Prompt: (past) Captivity, creepy captor, conditioning, pet whump

A/N: day 2 of March Trope-A-Thon by @amonthofwhump Also, it’s more of a past experience, so Bucky isn’t the bad guy.

Bucky had to hide her somehow. He had acted on an impulse, and he tried to help. He did help. But if he didn’t hide the woman he had just dragged to the compound right now, he would be in so much trouble. More trouble than he already was in for his past crimes as the Winter Soldier. They’d probably think that he had kidnapped her. In hindsight, he basically did, but it was for her own good!

He walked into the hallway silently. The team didn't go into his room so, at least for now, he would hide the woman there.

The hallway was empty and silent. The team was elsewhere; he made sure to ask Friday before even stepping foot in the building.

The woman behind him was trembling and terrified. After everything, it would be strange if she wasn't. She had just seen her “owner” die, and had been dragged away by the very man who killed him.

Bucky would deal with the woman’s fear later, he just had to get into his room.

They went up the stairs and entered a big room, big enough to fit a small apartment building in it. Bucky closed the door behind him, letting out a sigh of relief.

“So…” He started, but the woman fell to her knees before he could say anything else.

He thought back. The job he was assigned was a simple “clean up”. Some people were doing some super shady shit. He just had to collect some documents and arrest some people.

Not only had he killed the leader, who was supposed to be taken alive, but he had also taken the target’s “pet” back with him.

Steve wouldn't be very happy about that. Not at all. He didn’t even want to think about what Tony would say.

He had killed the leader because of the woman. The whole thing had really angered him. How could they do something like this? With an innocent person? It honestly had hit a little too close to home. Being treated like a worthless mutt. He couldn’t handle seeing someone else subjected to such torture and humiliation.

Bucky sighed and the woman flinched. Looking at the trembling shape kneeling in front of him, he knew that nothing he could say now would calm the woman down. She sees him as the monster he is. The horrible Winter Soldier. He hadn't much time right at the moment to ease her mind so, for that night, treating any injuries would be enough.

He came out of the bathroom after bathing the woman and treating her injuries. The sight was a lot to take in; whipping marks, bruises, open cuts, broken bones, old and new scars. How much had this woman suffered? It made his stomach churn.

“Come here,” Bucky quietly murmured, trying not to make it sound like an order. The woman obeyed immediately, even if she was clearly frightened.

“You can sleep on my bed tonight, I will be out for the whole night anyway.”

The woman looked up at him confused as if trying to find a trap.

"Look, I meant it. You should sleep on the bed, rest well, tomorrow we’ll talk more," Bucky asserted, going towards the door.

"Oh right," he turned back at the woman, who curled up on herself, "as I said, I will be out the whole night, but there are other people living here, so for now don't leave the room or make loud noises, okay?"

She obediently nodded her head, still not making a sound.

Bucky got out of the room and took a deep breath. The whole situation would be difficult. He didn’t even know how to help, and if the—no—when the others found out, what would be their reaction? Steve did have a huge soft spot for him, but would he allow him to keep the woman there? If not, what would he do? He couldn’t just kick her to the curb. She deserved to be looked after.

He shook his head, making those thoughts fade. At that moment, he had to get the information he should've got from the leader. He did arrest some people so that would be a good place to start.

He felt like a child picking up a stray dog without their parents knowing. Bucky took another deep breath trying to take some energy in. He might have to pull at least two all-nighters to get the information they need, but that would be worth it, he would make it be worth it.

Everything had happened so fast, she was with Master—Former Master now—when she heard noises, shots, and screams. The people who worked with Former Master seemed frantic and scared.

Former Master closed himself in his room, but a man—her new master—broke in and… and... he looked so angry.

He shouted at her former master and shot him, not once, but five times. Why would he need so many shots?

The man then looked at her and said to follow him. She was so scared, but what else could she do? She had no choice but to obey.

Was that man her new master? She really hoped not; he was scary. He had a gun. He had murdered her master. He was angry and was taking her somewhere new.

What would her new master do to her? Was he going to hurt her? Why? Had she done something wrong? How could she have done something wrong when she had never even seen that man before? Was he going to hurt her because of her former master?

They got into a car, and to her surprise she wasn't put in the trunk or tied up and gagged.

Maybe it was a test to see if she would behave. And she would, she would do anything so Master didn’t need to hurt her.

It took a long time until they got to the large building, and it was huge. She hoped she wouldn't be expected to clean all of it alone. She would certainly try, of course, if Master ordered her to do so. But she wouldn't be able to do it all and would be harshly punished for it, she was sure of it.

New Master pressed his index finger to his lips, a signal for her to be quiet—even though she had tried so hard to not make a noise the whole time. Was she breathing too loud? She held her breath just to be sure.

She walked behind Master to a room. Master’s room was huge—bigger than her previous master’s room.

“So…” Master drawled off.

She suddenly realized she wasn’t on her knees yet, useless bitch. Her former master hurt her because she was useless. New Master would hurt her too, right? Of course, he would. She was useless. She had been noisy and not even knelt to show she knew her place. She was going to be in so much trouble.

When she was taken to the bathroom, her mind thought of all the things that New Master could do that would lead to pain.

Instead, Master gave her a bath and put medicine on her injuries. She wished to be allowed to talk so that she could beg Master to stop.

What will she have to do to earn all of this? Was Master trying to erase her old master’s marks? If so, would he create new marks over those?

She felt her heart crush in her chest. She can’t take any more.

Master said she could sleep on the bed. That he would be out the whole night, but she knew better. She wasn’t allowed on the bed, and she was afraid of what she would have to endure to earn it.

As for Master being out? That was what cameras were made for! Master always, always, knows.

Master also said to be quiet because there are more people in the house. Were there more masters? Would she have to serve more than one? Would she be able to? She swallowed hard at those thoughts.

Master had left, he wouldn't be back until morning.

When Master did come back, she would have to learn how to please her master again and would be punished for not knowing the rules again.

She wasn’t allowed to cry, she knew it, but she couldn't help it. Everything happened so fast. It was all so scary, and she just wanted to cry.

She hugged her knees in the corner of the big room and cried herself to sleep.

It was already past noon when Bucky came back, and he had yet to eat. That made him remember that the woman also hadn’t eaten anything. He cursed his self care habits that were now affecting someone that deserved to be cared for.

He brought a simple soup for her. He didn’t know what she had eaten or when, and soup would go easy in her stomach, at least he guessed so.

He knocked on the door before opening it in an attempt not to scare the woman—or not scare her too much, at least.

She was already kneeling when he entered, well, he was expecting this much. She was shivering like a leaf.

It felt so wrong.

Bucky wasn’t really in the mood to deal with the woman. He was hungry and tired. Fortunately, he did gather enough clues to proceed with the investigation, but it would take longer than expected. All he wanted was to rest right after eating. Plus, he still didn’t like being around people.

“You must be hungry, I brought some food for us,” Bucky uttered softly, focusing his remaining energy on looking harmless—which didn't seem to be working since the woman was still staring at the floor and didn’t respond in any way. “You are allowed to speak. Did you sleep well?”

“Y-yes master, than-thank you f-for your ki-kindness,” she whispered, even more scared than before.

Bucky regretted killing the man the way he did. He should have taken him away from this poor young woman's sight and crushed him until he became just a shell of himself, and only then killed him. There’s not much he could do now, though.

“That’s good,” He lied, looking at the untouched bed. “Look, I know it is hard to believe, and you don’t need to believe in me now, but I have to tell you anyway, I won’t hurt you, not now, and not in the future, keep that in mind, okay?”

The woman nodded. Of course, she didn’t believe it, though.

“Can you stop kneeling? Sit there, please.” Bucky pointed to a chair at the table where he usually had his meals, all that kneeling was really bothering him.

She looked at him as though he had two heads before looking at the chair. “M-master, on the-the chair?” She looked on the edge of a breakdown making him sigh. The woman flinched at the sound.

“It’s okay,” he assured her, making a mental note not to sigh anymore, “you can use the chair. We are going to eat, both of us, so we should sit properly, don’t you think?”

He smiled and tried to sound convincing but failed. He hadn’t really smiled since he got caught up with Hydra. He wasn’t even sure if he remembered how.

Bucky could hear her unregular deep breaths as she stood on shaking legs. She looked like a damn baby deer walking for the first time. Before sitting, the woman looked back at him as if to make sure that she wouldn’t be punished for something as simple as sitting in a damn chair.

The woman, Bucky thought, does she have a name? Probably not, but it would be better if he didn’t worry about it this instant. He didn’t even know what to do with her yet.

It took a long time trying to convince the woman to eat, and Bucky was getting impatient. Why is it so hard to make her do those simple things? He shook his head at those thoughts.

I’m just tired, he said to himself. She is just trying to not be punished. I would have done the same if I were in her position. Bucky took a deep breath and tried to not look more scary than necessary in front of the poor woman.

After finally convincing the woman that she was allowed to eat, they ate silently. The woman seemed even more anxious now that she was eating. Bucky didn’t have any idea why.

He tried to decide what to do. He could send the woman to a clinic or something, where she could get real help with someone who knew what to do. He didn’t know why he cared so much about her. It would be better to just send her away, so the woman could recover. Plus, if he slipped her out quick enough, the team would be none the wiser.

“I need to leave again. I will be back soon this time, okay?” Bucky said as soon as he finished the meal, and the woman nodded.

She took a shower and brushed her teeth like she had done every morning for four days.

They were harmless showers. Not the ones that were too hot or too cold like her old master’s. The thing that was even better? Showers alone, without Master with his hands and-

No! She was meant to please Master, and if Master wanted to… to touch her, Master would. No, not if—she reminded herself—when.

That was the reason she has been kept clean, wasn’t it? To look a bit less disgusting and dirty and broken.

She looked at her wounds. The green and yellow bruises, and cuts which had been taken care of for the past few days.

She was not clean. She was used. She was dirty.

New Master wanted her to be clean, so when she would be all healed up, Master would take her to the bedroom to fuck her until she would be a sobbing bad pet, begging for him to stop.

She wished she healed more slowly so it would take longer for her to need to pay for the kindness of getting her wounds tended to, and for wasting so much medicine and painkillers. She shouldn’t want anything but to please her master, but she desperately wanted more time until Master dragged her into his bed.

The pain brought her back to reality. She flinched, surprised. Her breath turned into panting until she realized the source of her pain; she had put her finger in a healing cut, opening it all over again.

Master would be angry. He spent money on ointment and bandages for his ungrateful pet, and his pet wasted it.

She looked at her hand, stained with her dirty lowly blood and… maybe, just maybe, if the wounds heal slower. Maybe… she could start to reopen the cuts. Maybe, she could hit the old bruises… Maybe…

She was being bad, she knew.

She would be punished when Master found out. Maybe he was watching her—even if she had searched for cameras and didn't find any—but even if she was punished for it, even if she was beaten raw, at least she would be too dirty for Master to take her to the bedroom.

She repeated it in her mind over and over because it hurt so much, but she had been in more pain before. She could take it. She could take it.

She put her clothes on in a hurry, wondering if she had spent too much time in the bathroom.

Once out, she knelt waiting for Master to come into his bedroom.

“Good Morning, Master,” she murmured when the man came into the room. She had learned that he wanted her to talk for some reason. He told her it was okay. That he wanted to hear her voice.

She briefly looked up at him. He was tall and strong. He could probably crush her like a measly little ant.

“Good Morning, doll,” Master greeted, with the same “ordering tone” that he always used, be it an order or not, reasserting who is at the top.

Doll.

Master liked to remind her that she was small and weak—as if she didn’t know it already. How she was nothing more but an object for him to use and play with whenever he pleased. She would prefer if Master cursed at her rather than always remind her of how worthless she was.

She stared at the man’s boots, big and heavy. It would be so, so easy to crush her bones or pin her down.

Master has done it, not to her but she knew Master did it to somebody else; sometimes his boots were bloody, an unspoken warning saying she isn’t the only pet Master has, showing a glimpse of what would happen to her if she steps out of the line.

She felt the wound that she had worsened earlier ache and hoped there truly were no cameras in the bathroom. Desperately hoping that Master wouldn’t find out.

“Let’s eat,” the Master ordered, smiling.

That was the other weird thing; food.

Three meals a day, every day. It’s not dog food. It’s actually human food. She eats sitting on the chair near Master.

She didn’t understand why she was being fed so well. She would probably be punished more for wasting his food, or maybe it was a short service where she would be healed and fed then fucked and beaten, then she would be thrown out or killed. Maybe soon her own blood would be on Master’s boot.

The mealtime was always overwhelming; she tried to eat, but she could feel Master’s gaze burning a hole through her, looking at her every move.

She probably let her thoughts show on her face because Master asked if she was okay, or if she was in pain anywhere. Master would ask her sometimes, and sometimes she almost believed Master was being sincere. She would believe it if Master at least hid the anger under his voice, but his voice was always angry.

“I’m fine, Master,” she mumbled, she trained to speak without stuttering, and the training was paying off.

“That’s great, doll,” Master smiled. “How are your wounds?”

She dryly swallowed. If he was going to check, he was going to be mad. She was wasting his medicine. She was being a bad pet.

“B-Better, Master,” she tried, stuttering a little.

“That’s good, tell me if anything bothers you, it is not good if you get hurt, is it?” Master questioned, probably because he knew. He saw right through her façade. He was threatening her.

“No, Master, I-I won’t get hurt,” her heart was racing, and she lowered her head to not show her face.

“Okay, tell Friday if you need anything, I will be in the common room,” Master said, and she nodded.

After Master left, she started to re-clean the room. She never left Master’s room. They were on the second floor, that was about the extent she knew. The room was too big for her. She wished she had a cage, a small and safe cage.

Master said she could clean it if she wanted—as if she was allowed to want anything—but even so, she liked to clean. It made her feel like maybe she wasn’t as worthless as she really was.

One thing she liked about the room was the big windows.

At first, she thought about escaping, but she had given it up quite quickly.

Even if there were no guards or dogs—even if all the doors were open and signaling the exit she couldn't leave.

Master had won because every time she would think about it, she remembered her old Master dying, and the blood on New Master’s boots.

She started to tremble and her breath went out of control.

She wouldn’t escape. She couldn’t escape. Master was right, she was just a little, worthless, and weak doll; a toy. A broken toy.

“Can I come in?” Bucky asked in a low voice. The question was somewhat foreign to him. He rarely invaded other people’s space, but he felt that was only fair to invade her space—seeing as it was actually his room.

“O-of course, m-master.” A faint voice answered, it was a beautiful voice, or it would be if used in a more brave tone.

Bucky entered the room, and the woman backed away. He wasn’t even sure how tall the woman was with her desperate attempts to look smaller and smaller.

The wounds on her arms were still visible as if they hadn't healed a bit, but maybe her metabolism is just slow? Or is that how normal people’s metabolism is?

She was trembling like always. When Bucky realized he was almost used to the trembling he forced himself not to think about it. Humans are adaptive beings; he knew this, he easily turned blind to all the violence and death around him, but he didn’t want to be blind when looking at the woman.

Of course, the young woman was on her knees, like that was how she was born to be. Although, sometimes, Bucky could see a fire in her eyes, just for a fraction of a second. The woman was still there, somewhere within the walls built by the trauma, locking people out and herself in.

“You don’t have a name, do you?” Master questioned as he set up some containers of delicious smelling food.

She didn’t want to speak more than necessary, but she was allowed to talk.

“I-I don’t,“ she hesitantly spoke. Her old master didn’t like it when she talked, dogs—bitches—don’t talk. New Master wants you to speak, she reminded herself.

Master left the table and neared her. He got down on his knees, two meters from her, too far to his hands to reach her. That somehow made her feel better. Not being in reach of his hands and at eye level. When was the last time she saw someone eye to eye? Did she ever? She didn’t remember.

Master seemed to be looking at something that was not there, something far away. He took a deep breath after a while and looked at her with a non-violent look—one that she didn’t understand the meaning of.

“So I’ll give you a new name.”

A name. She never dared to say it out loud, but she had always wanted a name. Even some plants are given names when someone liked them. Things that were cared for have names, so it couldn’t be true that a broken toy like her got to have a name. It was such a mean joke that she felt like crying.

“Your new name is… Nova,” Master mumbled slowly.

Her eyes widened, and she focused on hearing more than seeing. Nova is not a curse, she would know if it was. Old master would have used it to curse at her if it was. Maybe it was really a name. She shouldn't believe it… but what if?

“Nova means new.” Master continued, his soft voice unlike the commanding tone he always used.

New.

She was anything but new. She was broken and used and dirty and-

“Because you have a new life ahead of you, and even if you can’t see it yet.” Master took a deep breath, his eyes held a far off look. “It is all yours to claim.” Master’s voice was firm, and Nova felt that it was impossible to lie in that tone. “So, Nova, I want you to do whatever you want with your new life.”

Nova was now facing the floor, so Master was unable to see her face. She didn’t believe those words, but her heart was racing anyway. She shivered more, not from fear this time. Her mind almost forgot the very presence of the dangerous man in front of her. She shivered, trying to hold the tears in.

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” Master muttered, “I’ll be taking my leave.”

And just like that, he left.

“Nova...” she tried in a low voice. “Nova.”

She wanted to hear her name. She wanted to be called in an affectionate way.

Master was joking, he had to be, but… she truly had a new master, so she somehow did have a new life, so… she could be new.

Only things that are cared for have names, even if Master was joking and didn’t care about her, she could care about herself, couldn’t she?

At least she had something good. She had a name, so she could care for her name. She could care a little bit about herself.

She started to sob faster than she could notice, feeling the hope that she almost forgot, the same dangerous hope that broke her so many times before, the same hope that kept her, well… her.

She couldn’t see it, but her eyes lit a little bit, a new light that refused to extinguish.

[w3ath3r-0f-sw34t3rz]

as many ttpd thoughts as i can coherently write down

first of all grateful for the folklore x midnights x 1989/rep sound we have going on here. i hate comparing artists but seriously the best way i can explain it is phoebe bridgers this album sounds like phoebe bridgers. not like it's a bad thing it's phoebe fucking bridgers!!!

i feel like it's so easy to call music "intimate," whether because of lyrics that feel personal or just a certain raw sound, or whatever else, but this album truly is the most intimate thing i think taylor's ever given us. i don't know what sets it apart, cuz at this point she's written plenty of deeply personal lyrics, but the way i best know how to describe it is that it truly feels like she trusts us.

anyway i'm willing to admit that this album isn't a spectacle or a revolution or game changer, and i know it won't satisfy everyone (ngl i'm scared to see what everyone else is saying bc they'll never understand Like I Do) but damn it sometimes that much is more than enough. without further adieu

fortnight a solid vibe. i'd literally love any song with the lyric "i love you it's ruining my life"

ttpd love that lucy and jack cameo that's about it. but really who else is gonna hold you

mbobhft AUGGGHHH THAT HOOK. you'd think you'd be able to tell which tracks are entirely self-written but you'd never guess some of the best tracks would you? jokes on me. love the metaphor (as i tend to do), big fan of infantilizing men (no like actually)

down bad this song was not clicking at first but it won me over with the alien abduction theme

so long london aw fuck yeah i knew i was right to claim this one. that hook is delectable. every verse is like a juicy kiss on the mouth i love this song yOU SWORE THAT YOU LOVED ME BUT WHERE WERE THE CLU

but daddy i love him this was the point where i thought to myself "wow this album is a lot more romantic than i would've thought" which, in hindsight, idk if that can be the consensus but still--this is such a feel good happy lovely time

fresh out the slammer evermore would love this one. yee haw

florida i mean there was really no way for this song to be bad and damn. twas not. this is a screamer fs. how on earth they managed to make a song about fucking florida feel like this mysterious shady world that we the people are not apart of is astounding to me

guilty as sin yas girl let your freak flag fly!!! successor to false god fr

who's afraid of little old me oh. o,h my god. taylor. taylor r u good honey. this song is fucking batshit wild oh my god YES GIRL TELL EM i will never be the same i could end the california drought with these tear ducks holy shit im gonna go set something on fire

i can fix him i love this bc this is literally my best friend and now they're gonna know how they look. that "woah maybe i can't" both absolutely slaps and is hilarious. also love how horny that bridge was yas girl let your freak flag fly!!

loml oh god. lmao my ass rlly thought this album wasn't gonna be too depressing. they had me in the first half ngl. i'm not crying you're crying nahhh we're both crying and you know it. the lyrics here really popped off, like more than the rest of the album and that's saying something. bonus i remember seeing someone theorize that it was actually gonna be "loss of my life" instead of love, and while i was listening i had that in the back of my mind, but then i was like "ok no it's actually love" but then THEY WERE RIGHT and i felt so accomplished for no good reason. so if ur that person who called it, good job brother

i can do it with a broken heart this one shocks me so good oml why is this making me wanna throw it back. with all do respect if you didn't want us to enjoy your suffering why did you make your suffering such a bop. /j that "i'm miserable and nobody knows!! :D" gives me chills but like in a good way. "try and come for my job" literally get it queen i love you

smallest man who ever lived it's quite funny to me that literally nobody was claiming this track and then it permanently altered my brain chemistry. back at it with the hooks damn. wow this one really. this one is really sticking with me guys

the alchemy yay the vibes are back!!!! sweet simple romance you gotta love it

clara bow you had me at that intro. shove that guitar down my throat if u will. this is the better version of the lucky one (im not sorry.) damn "you look like Taylor Swift in this light" gets me every time i'm sorry that will never not hit

the black dog OLD HABITS DIE SCREAAAAAMMMIIINNNNNGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG i did not expect to like this one as much as i do but i can't stop thinking about it

imgonnagetyouback i had really mixed feelings but i literally can't dislike this song it's straight up good (also this song is so gorgeous-coded its wild)

the albatross idk i just love this one it is so sweet to me. in the way molasses is sweet but still

chloe or sam or sophia or marcus this melody has wriggled its way into the few folds of my brain and i don't see it leaving soon. i love me some good whimsy. fr as i'm listening to it again rn i'm realizing how good this production is. anyways bi rights

how did it end? you know................... i was really trying to not tie her real life into any of these songs, since i really don't know that much lore + i'm not a big fan of obsessing over celebrities personal lives--relationships most of all (especially when it comes to taylor)--in general, but damn i immediately did just that with this song and.. wow. but aside from all of that oh my god welcome back to Songs On This Album That Absolutely Haunt Me

so high school this one's kinda crazy bc damn it's such a taylor swift song but the sound is so new to her and it kind of makes me cry. but anyhow "touch me while your bros play grand theft auto" is the funniest fucking line i have ever heard in my life

i hate it here oh wow hahhahahhahahahha taylor what the fuck :3 imagine relating to this song on an cosmic level lmfaooooo

thank you aimee removing from irl context, putting this song next to mean genuinely makes me want to cry. like the maturity and growth both happy and sad is so evident it's like watching my child graduate

i look in people's windows another stellar string hook thank you and goodbye. ok but fr the visual here is inherently funny

the prophecy claiming this one for the neurodivergents

cassandra yeah yeah drama i know but damnnnn greek mythology BANGER

peter *taking notes* never... trust.. a man.. named..... peter.........

the bolter she's a runner she's a track star (can you tell i've run out of things to say it's just a good fucking album)

robin ohohoho i am an absolute SLUT for a good ode to childhood

the manuscript now that's a story

and at last--my current rankings:

who's afraid of little old me?

so long, london

how did it end?

chloe or sam or sophia or marcus

the smallest man who ever lived

florida!!!

clara bow

the alchemy

loml

i can do it with a broken heart

the albatross

my boy only breaks his favorite toys

i look in people's windows

cassandra

fortnight

i hate it here

the black dog

but daddy i love him

thanK you aIMee

the bolter

guilty as sin?

robin

i can fix him (no really i can)

the prophecy

peter

the manuscript

so high school

fresh out the slammer

the tortured poets department

imgonnagetyouback

down bad

now i know being critical is not one of my specialties but seriously it's a solid album ok. midnights is literally my baby and it has a skip for me so

now naturally my enthusiasm for each song will potentially decrease and most certainly increase over time cuz that's how i process albums buttttttt yuh 👍

almost any other artist building an entire persona about being an emo poet would make me roll my eyes but damn it she's so right

[adricthemindnimon]

Man, it's so refreshing watching The Fall and seeing actual good police work in a show. I don't just mean that the cops are presented as good or likable people, not all of them are. But for once, the cops do not go rogue. They don't do shady things that are "justified" by the severity of the crime they are investigating or the monstrosity of the criminal. They are repeatedly shown to be following protocols and respecting rights, and that is not presented as a bad thing or as an impediment to their jobs.

We are shown integrity. We see the DS reporting herself and her partner for failing the victim (ok that one's a little dicey, there's nothing official about her report, but also their negligence was only really apparent in hindsight so I'll forgive that). We see Gibson immediately disclosing facts about her personal life when they become relevant, even when potentially embarrassing, like the fact that she'd picked up a cop at a crime scene for a one night stand. And the one guy who tips off his superior that his son is in trouble, he's called a weak man and the show encourages us to agree with that.

More importantly, we're shown respecting of rights, including those of the man we know to be a serial killer. They sequentially get different warrants as the case progresses and as the evidence justifies. A man finds evidence while planting surveillance and Gibson says "we don't have a warrant for that; pictures only". They never interview minors without a suitable adult present. Someone says that they should try to limit the length of imprisonment of a minor, and Gibson says "yes of course". Gibson wants to wake the suspect up in the middle of the night and is reminded that he is entitled to 8 uninterrupted hours and that that clock resets if she interrupts his sleep and she will lose time the next day. And she nods understanding and does not protest or get upset about that at all. They're not allowed to show graphic pictures to a minor, and when the supervising adult protests at the way the interviewing officer is speaking, he acknowledges her and stops. (So yes, he pushes that line, but still, there is acknowledgement of legal/moral boundaries, he doesn't push it far, and again, at no point is there any complaining about that limitation). It's also explicitly mentioned that showing graphic crime scene images to anyone is considered legally and morally dicey.

Mysteries are fun. Cop shows can be engrossing. So it's really refreshing to find one that presents the procedural, legal, rights-upholding parts of the investigative process as good and necessary.

[goongiveusnothing]

ok this is hard to put into words but even back when i obsessed over harry and loved him, before i realized that he’s just manufactured mediocrity, i thought him dating kendall jenner was shady. not in an “i’m a misogynistic delusional fan who just doesn’t want him to date other women” kind of way. in a “she’s a kardashian-jenner” way. back then it didn’t make sense to me why this pinnacle of morality had dated someone who, along with her family, committed cultural appropriation, belittled the struggles of so many marginalized groups, and was openly and unapologetically elitist and classist. i was able to chalk it up to “it’s probably just pr because it brings attention to his solo career” but even then he would look bad for choosing to associate with her. now that i’m not as delusional and have hindsight, i really don’t give a flying f*ck if it was real or not and the same thing can probably be applied to a lot of the other women he’s publicly dated.

I think a lot of us went through this. It seemed so shocking they'd associate. All the fans immediately dismissed it as PR and we all pretended of course Harry wouldn't really be into her, what would they even have to talk about? But I think all those things start a little gnawing away at the back of your mind, because they all just build up. So it's not just one thing, but you have all these little things gnawing away at your ideas about him.

And now it's just obvious. This man is a simpleton and he's a total fuckboy. He will date any super pretty girl, he doesn't crave intellect or someone with great "treat people with kindness" morals. Kendall is famously incredibly rude to people. That didn't bother him as he chased her about for a year. Cheated on that flight attendant he was seeing to be with her. And to be seen with her. Was so into how it all worked out that he did promo for his own album using her in that interview.

I think many of us wondered what would he and Kendall even have to say to each other. Now we know it's probably shit about how movies are like movies and that if you wanna experience something you would probably have experienced it if you wanted to experience it. An intellectual tour de force. She probably made him feel really smart and sophisticated.

[theteasetwrites]

okay, here it goes. my first language isn't english so sorry in advance, i might not be able to express correctly what i intend.

its not exactly about twd, but going through your masterlist i saw your disclaimer about SKS (i totally understand why you feel that way) and that you no longer write reader under 25. but you're 22 (if im not mistaken, if i am pls no need to answer this) so i was wondering that if you had the chance to be in a relationship with daryl, apocalypse or not, would the age gap be an impediment?

PLEASE do not see it as an attack or me being shady, is just a genuine question from someone who is younger and grew up in a family where age gap is normal and basically a rule (i'm trying to not find it normal, but im still in the process, its hard when its about your family and the way your were raised)

Hello! And your English is perfectly fine, no need to worry. This is another long answer so I will add a cut. My full answer is below. <3

Ah yes, I recently added that actually, and I am glad you are bringing that up. You are correct, I am 22 (turning 23 on Nov 15 rip). So to your question, I am not sure. I don't really think about it because Daryl is a fictional character and whenever I imagine the reader, it's a mid-late 20s/early 30s woman or a woman exactly Daryl's age (give or take) because that's just sort of the vibe I like to go for. But if we are speaking purely hypothetically, I probably would not pursue a relationship with Daryl if we're talking later seasons (so when he's in his late 40s), but if we're talking the very beginning of the series (when he's late 30s), maybe. It depends. I mean, I never said that I think either Daryl or the reader in that series was wrong for pursuing that relationship, I just think that in hindsight, it was something I shouldn't have written because 19 is very young. Like, super young. Insanely young. 22 is also super young, but there's definitely a difference between 22 and 19. Still, I don't think I would be too persistent about starting a relationship with him. Waiting until I was older, maybe, would probably be more comfortable for me, because that's just really young and older men are known for taking advantage of younger women and there's often a power dynamic.

Personally, I could never see myself seriously going for someone over say, 5 or 6 years older than me (so age 30 basically is my hard cut-off for my personal preference). I don't even mind the idea of dating someone slightly younger than me (like a year or two, nothing younger than that because those are babies. If you're under 20, you're baby).

Don't get me wrong at all. I am not against age gaps, not in the slightest. It just depends on the age of the younger person, I think. When I wrote Some Kind of Stranger, that was a reader who was 19 and Daryl was about twenty years older than her. Now, if she was, say, 25 and Daryl was 45, I don't really see anything super wrong with that age gap. So that's the same number of years, but the difference is that the woman is older. She's not 19, she has much more experience and is more likely to be able to hold her own in the relationship than a 19 year old. That's not to say 19 year olds are immature, but let's face it, they are very young and still vulnerable in a lot of ways. We have all heard the fact that the human brain doesn't stop developing until around age 25.

I think I added the large age gap rule because I want to prevent that from happening again. When I wrote that rule, I was not condemning people who participate in large age gap relationships, but I do think that these kinds of relationships can be toxic more often than not and that women especially should be wary of pursuing older men because there is definitely a power imbalance there. Of course, it is always a case-by-case basis, and some age gap relationships with a particularly young woman (never underage) are perfectly happy. It just depends, but for the most part, I think it is good advice to always be careful in those situations, just in case. Older men might not always have the best intentions, and sometimes they are downright creeps who like younger women for very sinister reasons.

And no worries, I don't see your message as an attack! I think it's fair to ask about that, and I want to be open about how I feel about writing for readers younger than 25 now. I know that I am 22, but the way I see it, there is a difference between me being 22 writing about a relationship with a much older man and being an actual 22 year old in a real relationship with a much older man. Plus, tbh, I never ever imagine my actual self in the place of the reader lol. I always imagine a different woman who is older than me (and also much prettier/cooler than me).

I don't hate that mini-series either, I just realized after I wrote it that it was kind of not the kind of relationship I want to write and that even when I was writing it I felt a little uncomfortable. I prefer to write Daryl with an older reader, or just an unspecified age (but always implied to be older than 25). That's just what I feel most comfortable with, and when I wrote Some Kind of Stranger, I was still new to writing and trying to figure out what I wanted to do, so I think of it as an experimental time. <3

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

K mako I know but why is yukari the worst thing to happen? I'm not upset I just don't remember/know if I've seen ya go into that

I started a post but....man this is gonna take a long time. And I need to go through P3 on both sides again. Partially cause info is inherently different on each side, and/or timing of said info. Such as, Yukari apologizes about something in her first SL rank (which is completely optional on both sides), but what she apologizes for between the Male and Female is completely different (due to when the SL can start). And I need to see if she apologized for the OTHER thing on the other side and vice versa (I think she does, but both are....optional.....so her apologies are optional).

But if I could give a run down on my issues with the char without elaborating (I’ll make a separate post about it in detail, I just don’t want to leave you hanging kfjsdaflk T0T). (I say this but spent hours typing this out...8U)

(oh boi...under the cut. Is this a rant or a therapy session? Maybe it’s Maybelline? The world may never know! Jk jk, I do try to relate some real life experiences to drive home why it annoys me. Basically “Why does this trope annoy me? Is it because I’ve been placed in that tropes situation 100 times, and each and every time it did not turn out the way the trope turns out even tho I did exactly as I was supposed to? Oh.” no I don’t go into situations with a trope in mind, hindsight is just 20/20.)

Basically her and Makoto surprisingly have similar things that irk me. 

Both are suppose to be chars we root for, but then do things that are not on the up and up, but we are suppose to be fine with it because they are the good guys and we are suppose to root for them/feel sorry for them. (and while this is relatively new for my hate on Yukari, both ironically harm a char I like. Makoto vs Anne, and her insults towards Anne and the whole Kamo incident, and Yukari vs Mitsuru and the whole.....everything...but mostly the Answer and Slap....and undermining >_> Not a complete 1:1, I find Yukari/Mitsuru dynamic to be more paralleled with Makoto/Eiko....and Mako ironically made me feel more sorry for Eiko lkdjsalfjdsa But again this is NEW for my dislike on Yukari, like the past 3-4 years......I’ve been playing Persona since 2009 so.....yeah bit of a gap. Anyway found that tidbit ironic)

(oh boi...under the cut. Is this a rant or a therapy session? Maybe it’s Maybelline? The world may never know! Jk jk, I do try to relate some real life experiences to drive home why it annoys me. Basically “Why does this trope annoy me? Is it because I’ve been placed in that tropes situation 100 times, and each and every time it did not turn out the way the trope turns out even tho I did exactly as I was supposed to? Oh.” no I don’t go into situations with a trope in mind, hindsight is 20/20.) 

An issue I’ve found with Yukari is that she can be VERY self centered and selfish. Any supposed empathy some how comes back to relating to herself. She goes behind SEES back (mainly Mitsuru and MC, aka the leaders, but we’re all in this together), and doing so knowingly is fine with jeopardizing operations (her reasonings aside, she could put us in more harms way with her digging around and it really should be hurting the teams trust than it does. “What about Mitsuru” Mitsuru isn’t a lone operator like Yukari, she has people she has to report to and even she doesn’t have all the answers.... gotta do what the Game and Yukari won’t do, consider Mitsuru’s situation more >_>). 

She continually acts out and it’s her way or the highway. She wants answers? She gets someone to hack the Kirijou group. She hates Junpei’s ghost story? She goes out of her way to prove him wrong, even if it means going to a shady part of town that gets them hurt. She hates the (albeit fake) info she gets about her dad? She goes off running and acting out. She hates the MC died? Well fuuuuuuck everyone else and how they feel. “What you guys can’t move on already? Just do it! Ugh, great now I can’t move on! I want to see him more than any of you! Screw you Aigis, why do you get Orpheus???? You’re just a sucky robot with no feelings, how dare you run away! WHat i”m not running away you guys are-” (I think I got a rough abbreviation to what happened, have to rewatch). 

“Wait Silly, you’re getting a bit unreasonable! She’s grieving.” Yeah so we should smack her. Smack some sense into her. She keeps acting out. It’s not fair to everyone else. She says and does things that hurt other’s or puts them at risk for her own goals. She could hurt their feelings on top of it! And it’s been like 10 years since her dad died. How dare she. She deserves to be smacked! >:(

“Silly, brah, why are you saying that??? What is wrong with you??? You don’t just smack people when they are grieving!”

Me: 

*cough*

Hmm huh? What was that? I couldn’t here you guys over the hypocrisy of this game. So Yukari gets to go around making an ass of herself. Gets mad when you try to console her at Yakushima (she flips on a dime like twice). “Oh but she apologizes” She (and Junpei) apologize throughout the whole damn game. After awhile, it starts to lose it’s meaning. Sometimes you can’t just “Sorry” your way out of situations. And these two tend to say some really harsh and line crossing things but it gets waved away with a sorry. It’s a bit infuriating. 

Oh, and that’s just the Journey. Let alone The Answer. Until my last playthrough like 3 years ago, I was like “I can’t be too harsh on her she is grieving.” But after replaying it I was like “Oh....you know what? That mentality is stupid. Everyone is grieving. Why does she get to act out the entire time. Why is her grief allowed to reign over everyone elses? No Mitsuru, stop defending her! Ahhhhhh I cannot buy your friendship she’s just been an ass to you the whole time and slaps you at your lowest! Slap. Her. Back! She’s gonna get us killed!” 

“But Yukari is realistic!” Yeah a realistically horrible person. 

Yes I completely hold any and every apology against her for this moment. No dramatic effect is not a good excuse. It’s just shitty. Mitsuru lost her dad like 11 days ago? Two weeks? And she’s still doing her Student Council duties? She now has to run a company? All while she literally lost her meaning of fighting. This is ignoring all the other bullshit she’s been put through. From lab experiments, to being the only user who could explore the Dark Hour for like 5ish years (give or take)? To have all the sins of her company, of all the adults, on her shoulders while she had no say. The fact she’s trying to clean up a mess that was never hers. The fact she is only a year old than Yukari but has been put through so much  than Yukari could ever dream (this is not measuring hardships, Yukari has never been put in all these same situations as Mitsuru). But Yukari thinks she can get up on a high horse and start smacking people around? What is she not grieving the right way for you Yukari? 

It’s just....so infuriating. Mitsuru has soooo much going on with her an we barely scratch the surface! Yet she has to constantly minimize herself for the sake of something/someone. She restricts herself to be prim/proper/mature for her company and to be able to take responsibility. She lets Yukari smack her around when she’s grieving. She let’s Yukari go off the rails in the Answer and sides with her, putting aside her own feelings because “Yukari needs her.” Mitsuru you need someone. 

It’s just.....Yukari always rubbed me the wrong way, same with Junpei. They are the main reason I dropped P3 the first time. Never made it to Aigis (I think I JUST made it to Fuuka/she just joined), Aigis is the reason I stuck with P3 when I gave it a 2nd chance. But the more I learn about Mitsuru (and god do I have to dig for info ;w;), the more upset I get with how she’s treated vs Yukari. (but this is only something I’ve started feeling the past...3-4 years, prior to that it was just Yukari’s conduct.....)

“But there’s no right or wrong way to grieve!” You’re right. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. But if your way of grief is lashing out at other’s, closing yourself off, and all around being harmful. It’s not other people’s fault if they don’t want to have anything to do with you. And that’s fair for them.

It’s not them abandoning you(Yukari).

It’s a gray area, on one hand “How could you just abandon them???” but on the other..... you have to take care of yourself. There’s personal boundaries and people can cross them, even ones you love. 

Again, all I’m saying is, yes you can be volatile when you grieve. You may watch your world burn. But don’t be surprised when everything around you is ash. 

I’m usually an optimist, but it’s a tough pill I have to swallow too.

So how do you confront such a complex situation? Well you could just simplify it and be like “We’re your friends, and we’ll be here for you! Yes we’ll ignore you insulting us, almost killing us and the world! Because we’re friends! :D” Yes, that is certainly an option you can do. Do I think it’s a good one? No. But it’s what we got.

And going through the Journey, knowing where Yukari will end up, and how yeah....it’s perfectly in line with her character.....It makes me dislike her more. Journey!Yukari might be tolerable by itself....MIGHT, but then you  recontextualize her reasonings in The Answer and how Answer!Yukari acts, then Journey!Yukar is just the blueprint laying the toxic foundation on what Answer!Yukari is going to be like. 

There’s also the message of (mostly in the Journey but also the Answer) of “I need to put in the effort so you can open up to others and be a good person, but I have to deal with your issues the whole way through to get to that.” Why? Why do I have to put all the work in so you can be decent? Why do I have to be the front runner of this emotional baggage? 

Can you tell I’ve dealt with these people before, and why I don’t like this trope? (I’m a bit of a people pleaser irl). Here’s the thing about this trope.....doesn’t always happen irl. If someone doesn’t like you and it’s almost a pain to hang out.....it probably means they don’t like you. You can try, I tried cause of friends of friends, but it doesn’t matter how nice you try to be....they just won’t like you. But when you see it, it’s like “oh if I just try harder!” but nope. 

I guess how I view it, it’s similar to the bastard boyfriend trope (and girlfriend), in which they are toxic and horrible but you just need to unlock that hidden sweet side! But no honey, you’re in a toxic relationship. 

Tldr; Yukari gets away with stuff because she’s grieving. Ignoring the fact that everyone else has emotions and is grieving too. But we’re suppose to give her a pass. But no, if you don’t give her a pass for her grief then you “lack reading comprehension” or some bullshit. Well maybe I understand why she’s acting that way, but I still don’t think it’s proper? What then? I should just be ok she’s being mean to Aigis cause she’s jealous? That’s bullshit. 

*gets hit with multiple flashbacks as a kid and teen where people were mean to me because they were jealous of something outside my control, despite me being nice and trying to befriend them* Oh.....yeah we’re getting to the root of my issues I see. Maybe that’s why I didn’t like her even back as a teen, I was thinking about that subconsciously. Hmmmmm......

(”Well aren’t you just perfect Silly?” No, like I said I was a people pleaser. I know I could be annoying but I was never a malicious person. If you couldn’t tell I like to hyperfixate and talk about stuff. That can annoy some people. And that’s fine. The difference between back then and now is that if I feel like we aren’t vibbing, I’m not gonna push it/force it. I’m also gonna hold my tongue for a lot of stuff because I’d rather keep a situation peaceful.....to an extent. I don’t like to rock the boat...... unless it’s Persona fandom boat, then I’m rocking it like a seesaw! kdljafl jk jk do I rock the boat here? I dunno. While there’s overlap in how things that happen to me irl influence how I view a medium..... I approach issues that arise irl vs fiction differently. I’ll get really passionate about fiction, maybe it’s because I have no control over it. I can get passionate about irl stuff in private, never online....but I usually figure out how to solve it if it’s long term.

Sorry went on a rant of trying to understand my thinking....maybe I shouldn’t leave it in there, possibly gonna regret it. But.....it does give insight on WHY I think that way, so it might be helpful in understanding my point of view? Or maybe this is just a sleep deprived rant..... *shrugs*)

Oh! Wait. One thing. I was joking about the “slap her back.” I don’t think the slaps should be there at all. But if we are gonna be all around fair, I’m still gonna question why Yukari never gets slapped. 

[assassyart]

Me again. Odd question. Of all the Ratchet & Clank games which one would you say has the weakest story? I barely remembered anything in All 4 One but it did give Dr Nefarious some development. Not saying it’s the weakest, I just forgot a lot of plot details. I’m just curious.

I like All 4 One's story, it's the only thing I can speak fondly on when it comes to that game. Nefarious working with our faves was a treat and Susie was adorable, I only wish the adventure was referenced in Rift Apart.

The reboot is below average, but its story is too boring to be mad about. Full Frontal Assault's story is pretty weak, especially when compared to All 4 One, since it's the shortest and didn't really have much going on because Zurgo was the main villain and Talwyn was cut from it for no reason, but in hindsight I guess she dodged a bullet LOL

But...let me just throw a wild one out there...Going Commando,,,,

Going Commando, as a main line game, has an extremely bad story. The Bad Corporation gets away with everything and it's treated like it's a good thing. Angela, who has been criticizing corporations the entire game behind the mask, suddenly ignores all of that once Fizzwidget is back. The big bad being Qwark is very in-your-face (which is fine), but even then, pinning all of Megacorp's misdeeds on Qwark when it's very clear that Megacorp has been doing so much shady stuff before he came into the picture is very weird?

If they acknowledged the hypocrisy it'd at least still be satire like "aha the corporation gets away with everything because it has a scapegoat to blame everything on" but it does not do that. Going Commando doesn't have a good ending and definitely doesn't criticize capitalism like everyone claims it does. We spend the whole game learning about all of the awful things Megacorp does, and there is no conclusion to that. None of it is uncovered for the public eye to see that Megacorp is bad. Ratchet doesn't question Fizzwidget about everything he learned. The characters just act like the real evil has been defeated and that Megacorp is ☆good☆ now that Captain Qwark is gone. And we never go back to Bogon Galaxy, so honestly, everything in Going Commando doesn't really matter in the long run. You could skip it and probably not miss much, unless Angela finally decides to come out from the rock she's been hiding under.

Going Commando isn't a bad game by any means but its story is very weak when you spend more than 5 seconds thinking about it. It also has just zero emotional beats and feels like you're going through the motions, but that's more of a nitpick from me. I'll say, the humor is pretty damn good, so it gets props for that. <3

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

i still don’t get how we could hear & communicate with Jacob just fine although he’d apparently been in a painting for years but it wasn’t like that for Beatrice. like she couldn’t hear us & we couldn’t hear her so we couldn’t communicate with her anymore after a while even though she’d only been in the portrait for like 10-11 months which isn’t anywhere near as long as Jacob’s time in the portrait. i’m not saying it means he’s evil or an impostor or anything cause i honestly never bought into that theory, but it’s pretty weird.

Because we weren't communicating with Jacob, anon.

Okay, okay, I know you said you didn't believe in that theory, and I'm not even saying that I do either. At this point, it's unlikely to be true. It's sort of like the theory I had about Moody. At this stage, this late into the game...Moody's not going to be a spy. Neither is Jacob. But the clues are still there. Maybe it just comes down to everyone being a little suspicious in this game, or maybe I'm just paranoid. We all know Jacob is shady. But let's really stop to think about this.

If Jacob was sealed in the Portrait, and he had the ability to call out to other Legilimens...why did he have to wait for MC to turn up? Dumbledore is a Legilimens too. He's much more accomplished at it than MC, even if Jacob and MC supposedly have the "Queenie" gene giving them natural talent. MC didn't even know they were a Legilimens at this point, and Jacob also never told them? He never explained. He just told MC to stop "her" from finding the Vaults. But he never said a name, either. In hindsight, I think we can assume he meant Rakepick. Could have been Merula too, for all we know. Nah, Jacob didn't know about her. But then, like I've said before, I don't understand how he knew Rakepick was evil. She had no time to give an evil speech or anything, she was immediately forced out.

I guess the Legilimency could also work in the opposite direction, and MC and Jacob both having it could explain why he was able to communicate with them, but not others...still, again, the problem of other existing Legilimens' comes to mind. And Jacob was clearly able to communicate physically as well, as he and MC spoke shortly before MC freed him from the Portrait Vault. (Complete with a major choice to trust him or not, and I have not forgotten this happened.) Beatrice wasn't able to do this. I know she's younger than Jacob but she still knew how to talk, so what's the distinction here?

Most likely answer? The writers could do with a bit more proofreading. It's very likely that some details were just plain forgotten, or not mapped out completely, or were lost in transition. The writing team has shuffled a lot, after all. But there's just so much about Jacob that doesn't add up, but the story has all but dropped the question of whether or not MC should trust him. Jacob claimed that he didn't start working for R until after he was expelled. Duncan's story contradicts this, he claims that he and Jacob were working for R before he was killed. Then there's Jacob's notebook (Followers, take a drink) which Rakepick, for whatever reason, just denied the existence of - rather than say, attempting to use it to win MC's trust. What happened there?

[richardjamesxo]

Knowing this is for the best. For the both of us hurts. I never realized that we lost ourselves being together. I always told myself different. Selfishly holding on to her for my own happiness. It’s crazy how losing someone really important to you can make you honestly reflect. All the problems I caused were not worth it. During our fights I forgot how to communicate to her. Ended up closing myself off as if I was an emotionless wall. She’s the one person who would’ve listened to me no matter how bad the problem was but again like how my other relationships fell apart. I wasn’t honest and didn’t leave a choice out there for her. Things probably should’ve been this way sooner.

Scared to communicate with the one person in the world who loved me for me. My feelings in general have been just so conflicted. I started feeling like I was living 2 different lives. 1 being truly happy with her and the other 1 having this insatiable desire to seek thrill. The thrill seeking side was me going through the stresses of my life without her. Whenever she’d leave my side. I talked to other girls who didn’t mean anything to me at all. At the time I just convinced myself that they did. Giving them power in my head when they don’t even know the real me. I convinced myself that it was fine talking to them because they talked to me about things I could never talk about with my now ex girlfriend. I mean she didn’t even give those topics the light of day. It really bothered me that she didn’t. I wish it didn’t but somehow it always did matter to me. That in itself manifested my thrill seeking side. Thinking back she told me all these things about how we wouldn’t even know what those other girls I would be talking to would be saying about us low key. Prob hoping for us to split or gossiping. I just couldn’t understand it and stop at the time.

My girlfriend at the time being the person I always looked forward to seeing made me forget about all my problems. The problem with that is when she leaves everything began to hit me all at once again. I didn’t even consider doing things with other friends or homies. When plans came up I adjusted to her schedule because that’s how in love I was with her. I didn’t value hanging out with anyone else or picking up more shifts at my job. I relied on her so much to keep me happy. Honesty with your person shouldn’t be so hard. I just made it. In my case, my girlfriend I proclaimed to have loved for 9 years. Who I told that I wanted to marry. Caught me cheating on multiple occasions on my phone. Talking to these other girls not telling her about it. Yeah, I didn’t do anything but just talk to them but that part of me became absent my relationship with her. In hindsight, my words to her didn’t match my actions. She felt it. She knows me better than anyone ever could.

By the end of the relationship I ended up becoming a really shady person. A person that I’m not proud of becoming. Doing what I done. I forgot what it meant to be her boyfriend. The little things which should just be natural. I became so selfish and only thought of my problems. I told myself that finishing school and getting a job would fix all of it. The future we planned would finally be obtainable and all our problems would go away with it! So I thought. Little did I know you were slowly drowning in all your own problems by yourself which you tried not to stress me with. I wish I could’ve been there for you.

Talking to my homies, family and my final talk with you made me realize that I shouldn’t keep things to myself. Doing that led me here where I’m at today, alone. I can honestly say that I lost the love of my life. Everyone tells me that I need to distract myself and focus on myself. Tbh I’ve been trying but it’s hard. Whenever my mind wanders it goes to her my so called me ex now. Reminds me how I won’t ever be hers and she mine. Thinking about whoever’s next in your life will give you the world that I couldn’t kills me. I can honestly say that I wish we could’ve grown old together. Living a life without you is so strange to me. I feel like I’m living someone else’s life.

If ever we run in to each other again I’d just like to say “Thank you for breaking up with me.” It’s a super bitter pill to swallow but we need to understand ourselves and regain our individuality. I know that it took a lot for you to make this decision. I will always respect you so much for doing that which I couldn’t. All the effort, love and support in this relationship you have given me. Made me the person I am today! I may have not have given you all that you gave me but I hope you know that no matter what happened I never looked at anyone the way I have you. I hope you could say I made you happy for atleast 7/9 years. Even losing myself at the end I want you to know that these past 9 years have been the best years of my life so far! You growing up with me saved me through so much trauma. Even made me laugh through so much of it. Whenever I think about myself truly happy I think about driving with you. Singing our fav songs to which ever destination we’re going! Tbh the prep time and car jam sess’s of ours were what I looked forward to the most!! You being so on key and me being so off key! Made the best duet of its time.

Even though I won’t be there for you like I have been. Just know that I’m rooting for you from a distance. I will always love you. No matter what. My feelings for you will never change. You’ll never mean any less to me but nothing more too. We can’t expect us to resume our relationship in the future. We’re not going to ever be these people again. Meaning we got to live our lives like we’ll never be together again. Isn’t that the whole point of us regaining our individuality?

- Value The Moment 💫