#she’s been training this horse/having her trained when she’s no around Piper is her best friend out there

[fitzrove]

I noticed your tags on the "bad localisation"-post and now I must know the lore... the Finnish translator of Elisabeth didn't speak German???

Hehe, I'm glad you asked!!

Mind you, this production happened when I was a small child, so all I have is second-hand knowledge from the internet (and an audio recording). Also, I may have exaggerated for comedic effect in my original tags lol, I don't know if he genuinely didn't speak it. However...

The guy who translated the Finnish Elisabeth was a very famous (prolific, if nothing else) theatre director and musical translator, starting his career in the late 60s already with a wildly popular production of Hair. Elisabeth seems to be among the only German-language shows he ever worked on - most of it was translations from English and French. ngl I also sort of hate his musical translations from English LMAO - because of how prolific he was, they still haunt the Finnish musical scene today... One big one he did is Cabaret back in the 90s, and a theatre that put a big fancy production on in 2020 actually redid all of the songs and only kept his dialogue because the translation was so clunky lmao. But I once went to the library to dig up his original lyrics to the title song and omg they suck, I wrote better ones in two minutes because I needed a Finnish version quickly ahshshsh. So already, it's a bit of a bad sign - this man is not a translator by profession or training, he's a director who started out doing it for practical purposes, and has a pretty broad set of languages he works in.

But then again - maybe it wouldn't have been a problem, especially since he had such extensive experience. In fact, Elisabeth was the last translation he ever did before passing away rather shortly after (of old age), so maybe I shouldn't be too harsh on him... However, the fact remains that the translation, just as lyrics, is pretty terrible and nonsensical sjjsjsjd.

My initial comment was actually largely inspired by this blog post by someone who actually saw the prod live (from onenightintheatre on blogspot), quote:

It sounded like the translator hadn't really understood German, because many lines sounded like someone had taken a dictionary, looked up the most important words of the sentence and then written a whole new sentence(-ish) based on those words. An example that remained etched in my mind: ("Eine Kaiserin muss glänzen"; Finnish, the Finnish translation in English, and the original German text) Countess Esterházy: Suunne aukaiskaa! ("Open your mouth!") (Öffnen Sie den Mund!) Sophie: Keltaiset ei olla saa! ("[Teeth] may not be yellow!") (Die sind zu gelb, das darf nicht sein!) Elisabeth: Tammalla saa! ("Mare's [teeth] may!") (Bin ich ein Pferd?) So... Instead of asking why they're treating her like a horse, Elisabeth thinks she is a horse and can therefore have yellow teeth? Oddly, "Bellaria" was significantly better translated than rest of the musical and actually sounded beautiful and made sense. There were also factual errors, like Rudolf complaining to Elisabeth that he must get married, when at that point of the story he had, in fact, been married for several years. The translator passed away half a year after the derniere, though, so maybe he wasn't at his best anymore when he did the translation.

As for me, I don't know the Finnish translation by heart, but some of my favourite songs (well, mostly Schatten 2) which I do know by heart also had the ball dropped on them... in that song, Rudolf complains that the court is wasting money on parties (woah good job working in the "dancing around the golden calf" metaphor, I'm sure the original author didn't mean it metaphorically to go with the pied piper thing, he meant literal dancing - though I guess this is accidentally accurate to irl rudolf and his ranty pamphlet on the idle nobility xD) and it's just quite clunky and repetitive overall without getting the main point across too well. Which is such a pity! I mean, translations are hard, but Kunze's work has since been translated into Finnish well, with the references and thematic messages intact, it's not impossible. So in a way, I think this one is a case of someone well-established in the industry getting the job because he happened to be there and have an extensive track record, not because he actually had the skills to make the best possible translation...

Ahsdhsfhfs so yeah. There's no proof that he didn't speak German, but it's my personal theory. Also, according to a few sources, Kunze himself hated this translation......

[thaliagrayce]

Jasico argument! About something really stupid , and their friends Takes Sides

i had SO MUCH FUN with this, the hardest thing about it was narrowing down which stupid argument they could be having. hope you like it!!! send me a number or drop a prompt in my ask box for a jasico drabble!

“You can’t be serious.”

Nico is staring straight ahead as they walk, doing his best to ignore Jason. Unfortunately for him, Jason can see the way one corner of his mouth is edging toward a smile.

“Nico! I have personally watched you go up against a hydra without stopping to plan! How would this be any different?”

Nico takes a sharp turn toward the beach volleyball courts, where it looks like a few of the other demigods are taking a water break. He tugs on the sleeve of Jason’s jacket even though he doesn’t need to. They both know Jason would follow him regardless.

“You’re wrong and I’m going to prove it, Grace.”

A smile threatens Jason’s Argument Face as they get closer to the others. He can remember a time not that long ago when Nico would have grumbled at the idea of getting an outside perspective on even a serious problem, and here he is, all but dragging Jason to their friends over what is likely the dumbest argument they have ever had.

Hazel is the first to notice them, as usual. She breaks out in a smile and waves them over as if they weren’t clearly on their way already. Piper looks up and grins, and Percy and Annabeth stop whatever discussion they’re having. Or is it an argument? Sometimes debate and flirting look the same for those two, Jason has given up telling them apart.

“Hey, guys. You wanna play?” Piper ducks under the net to get back to what is presumably her side. “We were just resting for a bit, but three on three would be fun.”

“No thanks, we’ve got plans for later,” Nico replies. Jason blinks. He had been unaware they had plans, but if Nico says so, he isn’t going to argue. “We’re just here to settle something.”

Percy stretches from his spot next to Hazel. “Shoot.”

Nico looks up to Jason, expectant. He can’t help the dumb grin he feels. So much for the Argument Face.

“Okay, would you rather fight a hundred duck-sized horses or one horse-sized duck? No powers allowed.”

Annabeth raises an eyebrow. “Why are we fighting them?”

“Because they hate you. Which do you choose.” Nico looks around at their friends, who all appear to be giving it at least some level of thought.

Piper breaks first.

“The horses,” she says, grinning. “I might lose, though. Having a bunch of pissed off My Little Ponies after me could make me laugh myself to death.”

“But there are a hundred of them!” Jason interjects. “One hundred! And horses are pack animals, so they would probably have great teamwork. I trained with Lupa enough to know that I’d rather take on one creature on its own.”

“Wrong.” Jason rolls his eyes at Nico’s voice, but he’s smiling. “It’s not just any horse-sized animal, it’s a duck.”

“So?” says Annabeth. “I agree with Jason, we know how to fight solitary monsters. It would take a lot more time and effort to fight all the horses. I’ll take the duck.”

“It’s a duck, though,” Nico insists. “Waterfowl are assholes. You notice it more in swans and geese, but that’s just because they have a size advantage over ducks. This duck would be taller than me, and it would hate me.”

“The horses hate you, too,” Jason reminds him. “And you’ve met Arion. Horses can be mean, too.”

“What can they do, though,” Nico turns to face Jason more, “bite at my shins? They’re tiny, their teeth probably wouldn’t even be able to get through denim. That duck could decapitate me with its beak. You’re too tall to understand.”

“I would go with the horses, I’d just tell them to chill.”

Everybody turns to stare at Percy.

“Babe,” Annabeth finally says. “No powers. Normal people can’t talk to horses.”

“Right.” He squints at the volleyball in his hands. “I would still choose horses, though. I’ve always kinda wanted to punt one. Just to see what it was like, y’know?”

“Annabeth, can we switch partners?” Hazel calls out. “I don’t know if I trust him anymore.”

“Hey!”

She ignores him. “I would choose the duck, because I would never want to hurt a horse. Doesn’t matter how much the horse hates me. I trust it, it probably has its reasons.”

Jason leaves them to their squabbling as he leans down toward Nico. He lowers his voice so just the two of them will hear.

“That’s three on three. I don’t think you proved me wrong, here.”

Nico tries to shoot him a glare, but Jason can see a tiny bit of a blush creeping up his cheeks.

“Yeah, well. They’re wrong, too. Let’s go.”

The other four don’t even seem to notice them leave, absorbed in their own version of the argument. That’s alright with him. He leans down a bit, trails his hand to the edge of Nico’s jacket, and brushes Nico’s palm.

Nico stares straight ahead as they walk, but he interlaces their fingers. Jason grins.

They have plans, apparently.

[badolmen]

:(

[bright-eyes-strawberry-lies]

Rating PJO Ships

I already made the PJO shipping jar meme (not linking because tumblr hates links) but thought I’d write it out anyway. 

***

Solangelo - (5/10) Will is Nico’s unnecessary rebound because Rick couldn’t let someone walk around with a crush on Percy without pairing them off with someone or making them live a life of chastity. The fandom went wild with this ship despite all of their “development” being off the page. Would be better if the building attraction and relationship was given actual page time to develop instead of being rushed. 

Frazel - (10/10) My only complaint is that we didn’t get more of them being the awesome couple they are. The way they went from friends to lovers is perfect. Looks cute but can kick your ass. Very supportive of each other. I am here for biracial power couples. 

Lukercy - (10/10) There are literally dozens of parallels between them and Rick wrote them as soulmates. I love that Luke trained Percy so hard that Percy’s never lost a sword fight except to Luke himself and still hears Luke’s voice in his head guiding him through fights. The subtle ways that Luke constantly gave Percy (and Co) chances to escape from Kronos’ grasp even when he still believed in Kronos was golden. Luke was the only person who was kind to Percy at Camp Half-Blood and trusted Percy to help other demigods when he died? My heart. How Percy now shares all of Luke’s views on the Olympians? Bittersweet irony. I wish that Luke hadn’t died because I’m tired of writing resurrection AUs. 

Percico - (10/10) The most powerful power couple. Nico’s youthful hero worship giving way to love? Sign me up. Percy spending winter looking for Nico to keep him safe and trying to reassure him that he has a place at Camp Half-Blood? Give me more. Making mistakes and forgiving each other for them and their relationship strengthening because of it? Gods, yes. Going to Italy to go gift shopping and flirting? Thank you for this blessing, Rick. If only they had been endgame. 

Thaliabeth - (7/10) Thalia is the only person that Annabeth respects and Thalia has extremely protective feelings toward Annabeth. They would be the nightmare power couple. Murder wives who slay anyone who stands in their way of power and glory. Neither of them would take shit from the other. And honestly, I’m here for it. 

Perachel - (10/10) Mutual respect and open communication are extremely sexy in relationships. Rachel being Percy’s mortal tie and his chance at a normal life; Percy being the one to help Rachel with her powers and clear sight? Please yes. They were really cute and sweet and had so much chemistry. It would have been great if Rick acknowledged that the Oracle isn’t a lifelong job and that Rachel can still date and have sex as long as it isn’t vaginal penetration. 

Percabeth - (0/10) Annabeth hits, pinches, pokes, kicks, ribs, and punches Percy too often for my tastes. She’s got a superiority complex and makes herself feel better by calling him stupid, crazy, and insane. Constantly threatens violence. Annabeth is possessive, jealous, refuses to communicate, and doesn’t respect Percy or allow him to have autonomy. She constantly wants to control what he says and does or doesn’t say/do. She victim blames him multiple times for incidents that were beyond Percy’s control. Percy is scared of her, refuses to argue so that he doesn’t set her off, and thinks Annabeth is going to hurt him every time she so much as looks at him. Percy deserves better. 

Jiper - (5/10) It would have been cool to see them work past the lies and false memories to make a real romantic relationship but I don’t really have a horse in that race. They’re alright. Not bad, not the best. 

Pipeo - (7/10) If the theory that all of Piper’s memories of Jason were actually memories of Leo is true, then I’m here for this. The fact that they were friends before they even knew they were demigods was fantastic. Give me that friends to lovers dynamic and the chaotic trouble they would get into together. They would be unstoppable. 

Caleo - (5/10) Pairing Calypso up with a man boy instead of a man man was a strange choice but Rick likes pairing up teenagers with beings that are over a thousand years old. It’s terribly romantic that Leo kept his promise and came back for Calypso. I like that they decided to leave the demigod life behind to do their own thing. They’ve had enough of the gods! Let them figure themselves out and enjoy each other and life. 

Connabeth - (4/10) The idea is cute if you don’t think about it at all. I think Connor would stand up to Annabeth but she’s been known to wear down three thousand year old centaurs [Chiron] so that he’ll do what she wants...so I’m not sure that Connor actually stands a chance of holding his own against Annabeth. 

Lukethan - (4/10) It would be really cute but they’ve never even spoken to each other in canon. Ethan spoke with Kronos. 

Thaluke - (2/10) Thalia doesn’t like Luke. She withheld a lot of [trivial] information from Luke just because she could and didn’t tell him important info either. She almost definitely knew that Luke would do whatever she wanted him to because she’s got a Look that makes him melt. Thalia is incredibly eager to kill Luke and eventually does. Luke is too dependent and blinded by how much he wanted someone to love him. They’ve got an unhealthy dynamic and I don’t see either of them changing to become better people together. 

Valdangelo - (6/10) They’re both small and cute. That’s all I’ve got. There’s no reason not to ship them. Oh, and Leo warming up a cold Nico with his fire powers is so sweet that I’ve got cavities just thinking about it. 

Jasico - (9/10) Rick was really writing them with romantic troupes during Mark of Athena and House of Hades. When they were paired off with other people, I was actually really surprised. The way that Jason supports Nico’s queerness and the way that Nico can teach Jason that he doesn’t have to live up to stereotypes and other people's expectations...that would have been really good to read. The way that Jason’s death affected Nico really tugged at my heartstrings. I like to think that Nico visits Jason in the Underworld. 

Thalianca - (6/10) The potential of Thalia and Bianca could have been so good and also good for comedy. Imagine Thalia - who missed the past five years - trying to catch Bianca up on the 21st century and being behind on the times. Both of them getting caught up together? Yes. Training together, friendly games and competitions. Midnight rendezvous at Camp Half-Blood. Bianca slowly showing Thalia that not all Hunters of Artemis are bad. Girls supporting each other and growing as people because of their relationship. This is what we could have had. 

[itsapapisongo]

A Prince’s Tale | PRELUDE

Offering context, a warning, and setting the tone, the Narrator wishes you to lower your expectations.

Genre: Adventure | Comedy | Fantasy

Word Count: 916

Warning Content: Language

Taglist: @scriptura-delirus​ | @hyuckworld​

M. List (Part I) | M. List (Part II)

ONCE UPON A time, in a far away land, there was a princess—wait, was it a princess?

It could have been a prince. Or a pauper. Or was it a piper? Honestly, these stories tend to start the same way so it’s hard to keep track of which one is which, hard to remember the aesop—no, that’s for fables. What’s the term I’m looking for? Oh, yes, the moral of the story. Then again, I suppose they’re the same fucking thing.

Oh, Good Lord. Did the Narrator just—dramatic gasp—cuss? That did not just happen. Right in front of the kiddos, too. How could they? Once Upon a Time stories are family friendly. Why would I, the Narrator just make this tale all not-safe-for-work and thus family unfriendly?

Why, you may ask? Well, dearest reader, because I can. Besides, I don’t see another bloody Narrator. So I suggest you pipe down, get comfortable, and just go with it.

STOP ME IF you heard this one before:

Once Upon a Time, there was a beautiful princess. She’d been enchanted with magic of a powerful and fearful sort, which could only be broken by love’s first kiss. Locked away in a castle, guarded by a terribly crotchety, fire-breathing dragon, she was kept sequestered from the outside world.

Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison. None prevailed. Thus the beautiful princess waited in the dragon’s keep—stranded in the highest room of the tallest tower, in an ostentatious suite that no one but her had ever lived in—waited for her true love and love’s first kiss.

If you have, then you know the tale of an ogre, a talking donkey, a princess with a secret, and a short king with an inferiority complex. Our story is not that of an ogre who falls in love—though someone will save a princess, battle a dragon, be over their heads, and undoubtedly find true love—so if that’s what you’re expecting, which I hope you’re not, I exhort you to lower your expectations because no Narrator worth their salt can’t possibly fulfill them.

Well, truth be told, it’s not really a matter of can’t. More of a matter of won’t.

Now, without further ado, let’s get this shit-show on the road.

OUR STORY BEGINS in a familiar, if clichéd fashion. 

It goes like this: Once Upon a Time, in a far away land, there was a prince tasked with rescuing a princess. This fair maiden whom he had never met would become his betrothed. If his brothers didn’t take up the throne, she would thus his queen.

Thing was, this prince aspired to be a hero. He dreamed of being a brave, righteous knight that rode across the land and lent his sword and shield to the less fortunate and those aggravated by two-bit thugs, treacherous trolls, deadly dragons, and whoever had the audacity to burn the peoples’ crops, barns, houses, or, if they were petty enough, smack their children around.

From an early age, the prince was made aware that danger and evil roamed the Nation, concealing themselves on every corner and shadow throughout the land. He made it his responsibility to know how to defend himself so that he could defend others. And so it was done because he trained until he was sore and easily wielding a sword was second nature.

You see, the throne scared the prince but going on potentially dangerous adventures didn’t. He was very much aware of the irony and would jest to anyone that would listen that a troll or a dragon were nothing to fear compared to any royal advisor or pompous noblemen. He’d prefer to be out there—riding horses, sleeping in inns or camping on the edge of a forest, being among the common folk—rather than in the palace, among anxious aids and smug sycophants.

His mother, the beloved if unorthodox queen, had been an outdoors kind of lady in her youth. She understood her son’s yearning for a life that rejected the constraints of royalty and instead provided opportunities to thrust oneself into the unknown.

And so when the young prince was told that he was to embark on a high-adventure and rescue a beautiful princess, she gave the prince her blessing and made arrangements—dusted off maps and instructive survivalist tomes, readied horses, sharpened blades, packed clothes and food and healing balms and tonics—for her son to be ready.

It wasn’t surprising to everyone in the palace when the prince prepared himself for a thrilling, if arduous journey to the heart of the Nation.

The prince’s father, the king, wasn’t as accepting as he believed his son’s place was in the palace, learning of proper etiquette, diplomacy, foreign policies, taxes, and how to be profane and sarcastic in a gentlemanly manner. The king relented, however, when he realized he couldn’t keep his youngest son from paving his own path. And though he was the ruler of Han Do Province, he wasn’t a bumbling fool: arguing with his wife was an ever-losing battle and he’d learned bluffing or rebuffing was an utterly useless endeavor.

And so the prince left Han Do Province, accompanied by his trust steed, his best friend, and a bard. He rode at dawn, full of purpose, itching to save the day and pave his own path.

However, he wasn’t expecting two things: not knowing where the princess’ tower was and the exasperated, but handsome knight tailing them.

[fuckterfs-deactivated20221212]

Why every single one of the seven are the most powerful demigod of all time:

Percy:

Frank is powerful not just because he's a child of Mars but much of his power is because Poseidon was his ancestor millennia, so basically like a hundred generations ago, and Percy is a DIRECT descendant of Poseidon. Sure he doesn't have the shapeshifting stuff, but he can erupt volcanoes, kill gods, basically manipulate anything fluid, HE COULD DRAIN THE BLOOD FROM PEOPLE and he just doesn't do it because he's a good person, no wonder the gods feared him. If he'd helped Kronos that would've been devastating and he'd probably became more powerful than most of the titans. Percy hadn't really had much training in sword fighting and he'd already wounded Ares, the only reason he couldn't train to be much better is because he trained with "normal" good fighters and can take on a whole cabin alone. He obliterates armies and shatters bridges, he becomes a tornado when fighting. He breathes underwater and talks to fish and horses, he bore the entire weight of the sky. SoN showed us that he didn't need the Achilles curse to be an unstoppable fighting machine, and that's pretty amazing considering he's basically "just a boy". He went through tartarus, survived, and became even stronger from it. He is a great leader and loyal as fuck to his friends, also he's gorgeous. He steals drinks with his powers by manipulating the fluid. He's had childhood trauma and exhibits the fight and the fawn response.

Jason:

He bit a stapler when he was a toddler. He's the son of Zeus and summons thunderbolts. He can fly. He can literally ride the storm, and take it with him to breathe underwater. He can knock people unconscious by creating a vacuum around their head. He can drain the lungs of people. He can yeet pretty much everything. He probably jumpstarts his own car if he accidentally let the lights on over night. He's an excellent fighter and was pressured into being a good leader, but is actually pretty good as a teamplayer, and he's handsome. He steals things with his powers by manipulating the air around it.

Leo:

He can light pretty much anything on fire, he can determine the chemical elements of anything he touches, he can repair pretty much any machine, he is excellent in thinking on his feet and distracting enemies from his plans. He's a great cook. He killed pretty much the most powerful godess to have ascended from chaos. He can't lead, but can cooperate with his friends fairly well, though he works best alone or with machines, also he's hot "in a scrawny way". When he tries to steal drinks he accidentally vaporizes them. He's had childhood trauma and exhibits the fawn response.

Piper:

She can manipulate people's opinions and actions, she can animate "lifeless" things (Festus was an automaton until she made him come alive, he can't be turned off) and negate some elemental magic (Khione didn't do shit to her). She can fight with a dagger, something that's pretty hard, and wouldn't be expected from the average Aphrodite-daughter, she's lesbian (or bi? I'm not sure), she can suddenly turn (even more) beautiful, she can speak french, her nickname isn't without reason "beauty queen". She steals drinks with her powers by convincing people to give them to her.

Annabeth:

She's smart as hell (pun intended), is a great fighter with her dagger, but is good with a sword too, bore the weight of the entire sky, pretty much outsmarts everyone. She faced her worst fears to find out that she's the most powerful child of Athena ever, and outsmarted Arachne on her own hometurf. She went through tartarus, survived and became stronger from it, she's gorgeous and dangerous. She steals drinks with her powers by tricking the former owners of the drink into either giving it to her or leaving it unattended for a while. Her traumatic response is flight into activities, for example the redesign of fucking Olympus.

Frank:

He can be anything he wants, both literally and figuratively. His ancestor are two of the most powerful gods and he's buff even in human form. He knows how to defeat the chinese fingertrap, he can shapeshift, he can fight perfectly with his power, exactly timing his attacks and the shifting, slashing with his sword, biting with bear's teeth, shooting with his bow, and scratching someone to death as a dragon. He has the blessing of Mars, and has the authority to command undead soldiers, he's handsome and buff. He is an excellent roman leader and praetor, and very loyal to his duty and friends. He would never try to steal drinks.

Hazel:

She's come back from the dead but isn't undead, she can manipulate metals, minerals, gems and the mist, so basically anything, she's a sorcerer riding on a wonderful horse. She defeated Gaea's first attempt at waking single-handedly and befriended the untamable horse Arion. She can navigate the labyrinth, and bend it to her will. She can curse people by giving them gems and precious metals, she's gorgeous, and even if she wasn't, she could change her appearance anyways. She would steal a drink by making the owner believe she was actually giving it to them.

Bonus: Nico:

Son of Hades, the first one to find out that there's two camps, necromancer, gay, gorgeous. He drains people's life force if there is justifiable reason for it. He'd steal a drink by threatening the owner pretty effectively with either his sword or a skeleton warrior. His traumatic response type is freeze and fight.

[lukecastellandeservedbetter]

15. An Aggressive Dine and Dash

a/n: @book-lover-like-no-other comments on literally every single fic and it makes my heart so happy so this is another part dedicated to them! 

read the others!: Masterlist

There would’ve been bloodshed if weapons were allowed in the Forum. 

The shots were coming from the Argo II, and Luke saw Jason and Piper being surrounded by an angry mob. Piper’s charmspeak was failing, and Jason looked absolutely distraught over the people he grew up with turning on him, thinking he had turned on them. 

“I’m on your side! I’m on your side!” He shouted desperately. 

Luke’s heart ached for him. 

“Percy!” Hazel and Frank came running over to meet the pair, watching everything in horror. 

Annabeth and Reyna came over the hills as the cavalry marched in. Reyna ran past, trying to stop the legion from attacking, and Annabeth looked around before spotting the four demigods and headed over. 

“What’s going on?” Percy yelled to Annabeth, over the commotion. 

“I’ll tell you what happened!” A voice shouted from above. “The Greeks have turned their ship against us! Their friend Leo is shooting fire at us right now!” 

Octavian. 

“I don’t believe it,” Annabeth muttered. 

“I saw him with my own eyes!” Octavian continued. “Romans, kill the intruders!” 

“We need to get out of here, and fast.” Luke told them, looking over at where Jason and Piper were still struggling. 

“Please,” Jason looked like a scared little boy amongst all the chaos, and Luke could finally see the child Thalia had described to him once. “Please, Romans, I’m on your side!” He cried out, trying to shield Piper as best he could. 

A brick soared through the air, and Jason crumpled to the ground from the impact. Piper screamed, and the Roman’s hesitated. 

It wouldn’t last long. 

Percy gave Frank and Hazel a choice. Luke couldn’t hear what was being said over the commotion, and he elbowed a Roman that was coming for an unsuspecting Annabeth. “What’s the plan Perc?” He asked, watching Hazel climb onto a horse and take off. 

“Up to the ship, c’mon,” Percy took off, leaving Frank behind. 

Luke, Annabeth and Percy scrambled up the ladder, and Luke made the mistake of looking back. 

“Is that a fucking dragon?” Luke shouted over the wind to Percy, his scar throbbing for just a moment at the thought of his last encounter with a dragon. 

“No, that’s Frank!” He shouted back, helping Luke onto the boat. 

Luke figured Percy had to be joking. 

“Leo!” Annabeth yelled. “What are you doing?” 

Leo turned to them, his eyes glazed over. “Destroy them,” He said dreamily. “Destroy them a-”

Luke tackled Leo to the ground. Leo’s head bounced off the deck and he went slack. 

“Annabeth, get us out of here!” Percy shouted, rushing over to help Luke. “Luke, unload that canon, we don’t need it going off.” He commanded. 

Both demigods sprang into action as the huge dragon flew onto the ship, gently setting an unconscious Jason and hysterical Piper onto the deck before morphing into the body of a regular 15-year-old boy. 

Okay, so Percy wasn’t joking. 

The ship shot up into the sky, away from the burning of New Rome. 

-

Luke stared at the Imperial Gold short sword, though in comparison to his usual Celestial Bronze one he would call it more of a long dagger, and wondered how the hell he managed it. 

It was an instinct, he supposed. Even he wasn’t impervious to the Hermes kids' inclination towards kleptomania. In fact, before making it to camp, he was an expert lock picker and thief- he had to be. It was a matter of life or death back then. When he got to camp, he didn’t need to steal, so he didn’t. But some part of him thought he needed this dagger, so his fingers moved on their own accord. 

Percy came into the lounge and looked at Luke perplexed. “I didn’t even see you grab it.” He said surprised, Annabeth following suit. 

“Child of Hermes,” He reminded Percy, shaking the knife at him jokingly, before slipping the short sword into the sword holder in the chair, right with his celestial bronze one. “How’s Jason?” 

“Resting.” Percy nodded. “He’ll be fine though.” 

Luke nodded and looked at the images of Camp Half-Blood. “And what’s your verdict with Leo?” He asked, looking at Annabeth. 

Annabeth sighed, obviously tired as she took a seat next to Percy. “He said he did do it.” She said finally. “But he said it was like he was watching himself do things he didn’t want to do.” She looked up at Luke with a different sort of expression- for once all the anger she had against him seemed to dim. “I figured that would be your area of expertise.” 

Luke leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees, hands clasped together. “When Kronos…” He hesitated, swallowing a little bit, his eyes finding his hands. 

Talking about this while feeling the ship hit the water was putting him back in that space, and he didn’t like it. 

“It wasn’t like I was watching myself do it. When I was awake… I knew it was him doing everything. I was watching a lot from inside my own head, like, watching the memories as he made them.” He furrowed his eyebrows, the pulsing of a migraine behind his eyes coming like it always did when he thought too hard about his time trapped in his own mind. “I don’t know. But I wouldn’t describe it as watching myself do things I didn’t want to do. It wasn’t forced. He just took over my motor ability.” 

“You also wanted it, right?” Annabeth pressed, but it wasn’t full of the coldness it usually was- she was just making a point. “Maybe not all of it, but you knew what you were going into. You let him in.” 

“I highly doubt it was Kronos, or the Roman equivalent that possessed Leo,” Luke told her. “I had to dip into the River Styx, and train to get strong enough for my body to be strong enough to hold him, and even then he was slowly burning my body away from the inside. Any deity, even a minor god, would’ve killed Leo instantly.” 

“So your friend Leo did do it then.” Percy’s eyes darkened. 

“He was with Octavian, maybe-”

“No, he said Octavian didn’t make him do anything.” Annabeth interjected and sighed. 

Leo came into the lounge with Hazel and Frank in tow, and Percy got up. “Annabeth said you did do it,” Percy glared, taking a step towards Leo. 

Annabeth got up, placing a hand on his chest. “I don’t think it was Leo who was in control. But we’ll figure it out later,” She commanded. 

Leo looked at Luke, fear in his eyes. Luke nodded to him, hoping he looked a little more encouraging. He didn’t think the kid that made sure he had a training space in his room because of a hunch and used his test flight time to take him back to Manhattan to see Sally would intentionally try and blow up the allies they so desperately needed, especially with Jason and Piper on the ground. 

And he still didn’t trust Octavian. 

“We need to make sure we can fix the ship before we do anything.” She turned back to Leo. “What do we need?” 

“Festus did a scan, and there’s an island not far from here that has the lime and celestial bronze. We also need tar, but you can get that from any home improvement store.” He explained. “We should go out in groups, retrieve the stuff.” 

“Splitting up doesn’t really sound like a good idea…” Percy rubbed the back of his head. 

“It’ll be faster,” Hazel piped up. “Besides, demigods can only go out in groups of three anyways, or they attract too much attention.” 

Annabeth nodded. “That’s why we have the Argo II, it covers our scent, and protects us. But if we are going out it shouldn’t be more than three people.” 

Percy threw an arm around Annabeth. “Well as long as you’re my partner I don’t care.” He said finally. 

“Frank, that dragon trick was great, you should go with Percy and Annabeth, you can fly them into town.” Hazel told him. 

“I mean, I could, yeah. But what about you?” He frowned. 

Hazel shrugged. “I’ll go to the island with Luke and Sa… Leo.” She caught herself in time. “We can take Arion.” 

“Your horse won’t be able to take more than one or two people,” Luke told her. “I’ll stay here, that way Piper can stay with Jason and I can keep watch.” 

Everyone had their roles, and agreed to meet back at the boat before dark. 

As the two groups departed, Luke sat on the upper deck of the ship, taking a deep breath. “Well we didn’t die,” He mumbled, his eyes closed. “At this rate, I call it a win. Thanks dad. I’ll burn an offering at dinner, when everyone gets back.” 

The wind was soft and calm and for a moment, Luke could’ve sworn he heard an almost familiar man’s voice whisper ‘be safe’. 

But the wind fell silent once more, and Luke was alone. 

[orleans-jester]

Clopin & Piper HC

Clopin was so used to Esmeralda being a good girl, albeit with a huge sense of justice, that Piper becoming a little dictator was not what he was accustomed to. He should have known, though, with Kuzco’s genes being in her. He was a demanding little shit, and that was thought of in a loving way of course, so it would make sense that Piper could be the same way. And of goddamn course she was magic in the way that he wasn’t, making him all the more isolated in his own family.

One memorable moment was when Piper was four, and said that she wanted to go into town. They could go once in a while, as long as they wore disguises and didn’t bring much attention to themselves. The tourists get ups were ideal, but Clopin did love to bring out the Texas Cowboy that he had dressed as during one of their many departures from New Orleans. However, he was feeling too lazy and hazy to go into town. He’d taken up smoking a bit of the good shit when he felt stressed. Being stuck on this island meant no alone time in the slightest, something that he missed from his bachelor days.

So Clopin had sat down little Piper on his knee, stroked the isolation beard that he had been growing out - putting the cougar in Papa Cougar - and told her very nicely, “We’ll go tomorrow, ma petit, today is not a good day.” And he had thought that was the end of it, which was a very big mistake. She tilted her head at him, as if trying to figure out the best way to burrow in there and get her way. She got a determined look on her face - the same one she made when she had to poop and refused to go to the potty in order to get attention, and said, “But I’ll be sick tomorrow, so we have to go today.” Which of course ended up in Clopin dressing up in his Texan gear and taking Piper out for the rare walk through town, simply because she was too brilliant to say no to.

On top of having a mischevious side, she could also be very assertive. She was a little girl who knew what she wanted, and she always wanted it at that moment. Sometimes she would work around it, as she had when she wanted to go to town, but other times, she told you straight out what she wanted. More than once, he had been tinkering in the basement of their makeshift home, and she stood at the top of the stairs, five years old in total, and shouted down, ‘Come up here a minute, I want to talk to you.’ Other than being trained to be one of Kuzco’s guards, he never had a regular job. Just the jolly jester of the streets. But in that moment, he felt like he was getting called to the Boss’s office and getting yelled at.

There were times when having a daughter put a bit of a strain on his marriage with Kuzco. His husband was so very willing to try to get her everything that she desired, while Clopin - well, he still had his roots. He thought that a ten dollar doll was just as good as one that was five hundred. Hell, he was old fashioned enough to tell his daughter that even a stick could be a toy if she used her imagination enough. He didn’t have much patience for the fancy stuff, especially when Piper would present him with a Christmas list that took up five sheets of construction paper, both front and back written in crayon.

He’d give her stuff he made. He’d always been good with his hands. Just call him Jesus because he would have made a pretty good carpenter if he wasn’t so busy with the miracle of keeping his family alive. She wanted a pony for Christmas - well, he just made her a hobby horse out of some wood around the island and a few other supplies he had to go into town for. Always fun with the disguises. He just went the day before Halloween that year and went in a full Chewbacca costume. One of his favorites because he knew that his husband loved a hairy boy. Even took a couple of pictures with the staff, all of them unknowing who was underneath.

He loved her, of course he did. Nothing in this world would ever stop him from loving his child. He’d kill for her in a heartbeat, and would help to cover up a murder if she ever felt the need to do one. Probably wouldn’t even question it, honestly. After all, she was still her father’s daughter.

[bookworlders]

the wedding date - chapter 5

percabeth fake dating!au part 5!!!

part 1 

Cabin 3 was unrecognizable from when they had arrived the night before. Annabeth’s suitcase had erupted and her makeup and hair appliances now littered every flat surface. Thankfully, Percy had vacated their room to hangout with Frank and Leo so she could ready in private.

It had been awhile since she’d gotten dolled up to this extent, curling her hair, a full face of makeup, and heels. Annabeth hadn’t gotten this glammed up since Piper and Thalia moved away.

Annabeth went out with Rachel occasionally, but it was always to some hipster dive bar in the Village where a flannel and jeans would suffice. Sometimes, if Annabeth was going straight from work to meet Rachel, she’d even try to make herself look worse coming from a day at the office to fit in with Rachel’s grungier friends.

It was nice to take time to do her hair and mix-and-match and pick out an outfit that matched with the bachelorette party sashes Leo had acquired for them. Getting ready was especially relaxing after she had taken the best shower of her life. It was a much needed hot, relaxing session after the day they had all just had.

After brunch, all of the wedding guests had returned to their rooms to change, and rest up for an afternoon of camp activities.

Annabeth set down her curling iron, and shook her arm out, sore from their first activity after brunch — archery. Annabeth had never been spectacular at it in camp, and the years removed their camp training days had made her worse. Not as terrible as Percy, though. Annabeth spent the morning laughing at the cute face he made while he aimed for the targets.

Annabeth finished curling her hair, and got to work concealing a scratch on her arm.

After archery, a group had taken an excursion to the training arena to spar.

“Who’s next?” Annabeth asked, eyes sparkling as she swiped sweat from her brow. She held out her hand and helped Jason up.

“Hades, Annabeth,” Jason muttered, sheathing his golden gladius, “Can’t even give me a break on my wedding weekend?”

Annabeth grinned, “I was already going easy on you, Grace.” She looked around for her next opponent. Piper, Hazel, and a group had gone to the stables to groom the horses. Leo sat, bruised, physically and his ego, on the sidelines nursing a scrape on his arm. Frank messed with the straw poking out of one of sparring dummies, and refused to make eye contact with her. “Come on!”

“I’ll have a go,” piped Percy, standing up from the bench where he’d been sitting with Nico watching Reyna and Thalia spar across the arena.

Annabeth shot him a look, “Really Percy? It’s alright. These guys are just babies.”

Percy stood directly in front of her, “No, for real, I’ll spar with you.”

“Percy, no it’s okay,” Annabeth sheathed her knife in the holster of thigh, “We’ve all trained to sword fight since we were kids at this camp, it’s—”

“You scared?” Percy said, his wagging eyebrow challenging her.

Annabeth gaze darkened, “Alright, then.” She unsheathed her knife, “Pick your weapon.”

Percy picked up a bronze sword from the chest Chiron had brought out to the sparring area, swinging it back and forth testing its’ weight, “You alright with those little knives, Chase?” He stood in front of her.

Annabeth unsheathed another, “Perfect with them. They let me get closer to my opponent.” She stood directly in front of him. Thalia and Reyna had paused their spar to watch.

Percy grinned, “Rules?”

Annabeth twirled the knife in her left hand, using them to point to the markings on the straw covered sparring arena, “First person to step out of the boundaries.”

“Not to the death?” Percy grinned at her.

Annabeth smirked back, “Ready, Jackson?”

The two faced each other within the ring and fell into a fighting stance. Annabeth beckoned him with her hand to make the first move. Percy made the first strike, and Annabeth parried him with a basic block, but Percy struck again, this time disarming Annabeth. Her knife cluttered to the ground. Annabeth raised an eyebrow, her face failing to conceal the shock.

“Jason, I think she really was going easy on you,” Percy said, sweeping up her knife and tossing it back to her. “Don’t you dare go easy on me, Chase. Let’s call that a warm-up round.”

Annabeth’s expression was unreadable, “Fine, let’s go again.” This time, Annabeth made the first move, which Percy smoothly blocked.

Suddenly, they were dancing. The clang of bronze against bronze and the whip of blades flying through the air filled the training arena. Every strike from another was met by a perfectly in sync parry. They fought as if choreographed, his body occupying the space hers was in seconds before being interrupted by the clang of metal. Annabeth didn’t know if she was fighting against Percy or with him. He seemed to know exactly what her next move would be.

Annabeth’s muscles burned in a way she hadn’t felt since her camp days — the exertion required of an equally adept opponent. No one had matched her combat skill like this since, well since Luke, who had taught her to fight in the first place. Fighting with Percy was a dance, and she didn’t want the song to end.

Annabeth knew that she wouldn’t be able to outpower Percy, not due to her own strength or skill, but because she was three rounds of sparring in and he was fresh. His technique was a little rough around the edges, but his natural skill was apparent. Annabeth noticed this in his stance, and they way his arms extended when he swung his blade at her.

She would have to end this round with strategy. He had caught her off guard with his skill when he disarmed her in the first round when she was going easy on him, but now she truly was exerting herself. Percy was having fun, too much to stop or give in. She could tell from the way he almost had her disarmed a couple times, but also eased up just in time for her to inter his saber with one of her knives. How dare he go easy on her now, Annabeth thought as she swung her blade as his throat.

Clang! Percy blocked it. She saw him grin and couldn’t help a smile from spreading across her face.

But she had a plan. Percy swung his sword at her, and Annabeth resisted the urge to block, just for a second, but that was all it took. Percy’s arm faltered, just for a second, when she didn’t move from his attack. The tip of the blade grazed her arm. That second hesitation was all Annabeth needed to get close enough to shove Percy off balance and take a step out of boundaries.

Jason and the others whooped and cheered from the sidelines.

“That’s what you get for going easy on me, Jackson,” Annabeth said, holding out her hand.

Percy shook it, and didn’t let go, “Believe me, I wasn’t.”

“Where’d you learn to fight like that?”

“I’m an actor. Years of stage combat classes.”

“Nerd.

Annabeth finished concealing the scratch on her arm, and began tidying up her mess of makeup and clothes around the cabin.

After a couple more rounds that afternoon (Percy and Jason fighting round after round until eventually calling a tie), they left to meet up with the stable group in the woods for a game of capture the flag — bridesmaids and dates against groomsmen and dates. Annabeth’s team won, of course. “I always have a plan,” Annabeth said with a wink. That plan had just so happened to involve Percy as bait and a distraction while Annabeth claimed Jason’s flag right from under his nose.

A walk through the strawberry fields in the afternoon had allowed Percy to bond with her camp friends. They all seemed to love him, and she did as well the more she got to know him. Percy was charming and funny and retorted back to her witty remarks with clever jibes at her that made her laugh. They hung back from the group on the walk and Percy told her about his mom, Sally, who raised him as a single parent and faithfully supported his acting career, and his stepdad Paul, who was an English teacher.

Annabeth justified it as informing Percy on the need-to-knows of being her fake boyfriend, but the sun and the smell of strawberries had her spilling tales of her stepmom and the rough years with her dad and the move from Virginia to San Francisco that made her summers at camp the best times of her childhood.

When they had returned from the strawberry fields, Jason and the groomsmen had invited Percy for a couple of beers down by the lake. Annabeth said goodbye to him with a kiss on the cheek to get ready for Piper’s bachelorette party.

That had been an hour or two ago before Annabeth had taken the best shower of her life, and washed away the grime and sweat of the day. It had been an amazing first day of Piper and Jason’s wedding weekend, participating in her favorite camp activities and getting to know Percy — bringing him as her date was a great idea from the looks of today.

Annabeth looked in the mirror hanging against the wall next to the door of Cabin 3 and adjust the bridesmaid sash over the short black dress she wore. Piper had no idea what was coming for her for her bachelorette party.

~

sorry for the long wait, hope you enjoyed xx

[twelvemonkeyswere]

AFFC - Jaime III

aka Bear Pit Pt 2: That Time Jaime Takes a Long Ride that Proves his Compassionate Nature and That He Will Defend Brienne Even If She Is Not Around or in Immediate Danger

Thoughts on Jaime / Brienne:

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

“His hand shone dully in its light. No good for throttling eunuchs, but heavy enough to smash that slimy smile into a fine red ruin. He wanted to hit someone.”

→ HA! “a fine red ruin”. Get it, huh, huh? Because Red gets ruined? HA!

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

1/3 time Jaime actively mentions Brienne in his thoughts:

“Payne was as rusty as his ringmail, and not so strong as Brienne, yet he met every cut with his own blade, or interposed his shield.”

→ We do mention a lot how Brienne constantly says ‘he ain’t Jaime tho’ but Jaime is just the same: ‘Payne ain’t Brienne but he’ll do’

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

2/3 time Jaime actively mentions Brienne in his thoughts:

“Jaime found himself wondering if Brienne might have passed this way before him. If she thought that Sansa Stark had made for Riverrun . . . Had they encountered other travelers, he might have stopped to ask if any of them had chance to see a pretty maid with auburn hair, or a big ugly one with a face that would curdle milk.”

→ I’m a sucker for Jaime having Brienne’s same train of thought and thinking about her journey constantly. As others have pointed out, he is startled by his wondering and has to remind himself how ugly she is, right? The fact he wants to ask about Sansa (his vow) is nice, but the fact he also wants to ask about Brienne (his special interest), is very nice.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

3/3 time Jaime actively mentions Brienne in his thoughts:

“He passed beneath the covered bridge… before he realized where he was headed.”

→ Don’t fucking @ me. The bear pit is a direct, unquestionable straight line to Brienne and as soon as he gets a chance he, unbidden, goes to her memory.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

So Bear Pit Pt 2:

““Naked? No.” He wondered how that wrinkle had been added to the story.”

→ Kingslayer’s whore?

“The Mummers put her in a pink silk gown and shoved a tourney sword into her hand. The Goat wanted her death to be amuthing. Elsewise . . .”

“. . . the sight of Brienne naked might have made the bear flee in terror.” Connington laughed. Jaime did not. “You speak as if you know the lady.”

→ a couple of things:

what I LOVE about this moment is that Jaime is here genuinely trying to make some conversation and casually doing disrespectful impressions of the man who almost kills them and he’s actually concerned with explaining the truth and HE IS DISREGARDED by Connignton because Connington is an ass and THEN Connington disrespects his wench and it just.fucking.activates.him.

Jaime remembers the dress clear enough to describe it in material and color (this man is definitely not my father)

what was after that ‘elsewise’? ‘Elsewise, she would’ve killed it? She would’ve won? I would not have needed to jump in?’ Jaime respects (and admires!) Brienne SO FUCKING MUCH I wanna believe he was going to sing his praises here.

“That took him by surprise. Brienne had never mentioned a betrothal.”

→ He's SO OFFENDED lmao Heaven knows how much shit he talked during their walk across the Riverlands and he is like, Brienne surely would’ve mentioned something of SUCH importance but he also senses that if she DIDN’T it was because of REASONS and gosh does he make Ronnet spill the beans.

““I was the second. My father’s notion. I had heard the wench was ugly, and I told him so, but he said all women were the same once you blew the candle out.”

“Your father.” Jaime eyed Red Ronnet’s surcoat.”

→ Jaime taking notice of who Connington dad is because HE’S GONNA CUT A BITCH

→ (and also because he is trying to unravel why they would betroth Brienne to this idiot and he discovers it’s because they are poor and were going to use her to elevate his status and you can just feel his disdain, I fucking love it)

““The bear was less hairy than that freak, I’ll—”

Jaime’s golden hand cracked him across the mouth so hard the other knight went stumbling down the steps.”

→ the first time I read this I fucking TRANSCENDED because I wanted to smack each of Brienne’s wrongdoers myself. Jaime stood his ground as much as he could but the moment he insults Brienne with “freak” (and insults her bush, which we know he was gladly impressed by) he just fucking reacts. And my favorite bit is…

“You are speaking of a highborn lady, ser. Call her by her name. Call her Brienne.”

→ FIRST, Jaime hasn’t referred to Brienne internally as “wench” or anything else but Brienne in a fucking long time.

→ SECOND, this shows just how much he respects her as a woman, as a mf lady, and how much he’ll demand others will treat her as such.

→ And THIRD, it shows how much he respects her, PERIOD. We love a man who loves and respects his beloved.

Thoughts on Jaime:

Clearly even though Loras is young Jaime thinks he is worth his salt. And it’s not until Cersei brings up his gayness that Jaime doesn’t really anger. Even Cersei points out that Jaime’s “perception” of manhood has changed but I think it has to do more about Jaime respecting Loras and him self-actualizing his identity.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

More on Cersei:

“Cersei slapped his face. / Jaime made no attempt to block the blow. “I see I need a thicker beard, to cushion me against my queen’s caresses.” He wanted to rip her gown off and turn her blows to kisses.”

→ this looks terribly like conditioned behaviour because Jaime previously mentions he has to “beg” for her “affections” and that means “coaxing” her into changing that. Same thing happens when they are discussing the unmentionable knife and he sits her on his lap to stop her from being angry. which actually leads me to…

“Softer words might have swayed her, yet of late the very sight of her made him angry”

→ He balked her on purpose, though he seems to miss her somehow still (he’s horny, too) he gets angry at her and doesn’t let that impulse govern him at all. But he does allow himself to anger her because he doesn’t want to have to treat her kindly. It’s almost like he’s realizing how hateful she actually is.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

FUCKING KILL ME BRUH

“It had been long years since Jaime had named any of his horses; he had seen too many die in battle, and that was harder when you named them.”

→ Jaime: traumatized horse girl. Poor man.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Symbolism?

“Glory wore trappings of Lannister crimson; Honor was barded in Kingsguard white”

→ I’m sure this is symbolism but heck if I can put it into words. Like, it seems clear (?) they represent two sides of Jaime, the need to uphold the Lannister name (glory) and the dedicated vows of his knighthood (honor) but… that’s as far as I get.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Paralelism: 

Jaime’s “price” for going to the Riverlands is Ilyn Payne (a counterpart to Brienne’s Pod) and Ser Addam (a person from his past, like Brienne’s Hyle). I like their parallelism. Like, they’re accompanied by someone who reminds them who they were and what they have/are becoming while on a quest caused by their vows.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Jaime is not stupid:

“Robb Stark took me unawares in the Whispering Wood,” he said. “That will never happen again.”

→ besides this man turns trauma into learning points.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Jaime cares about others:

“Jaime had given stern commands that no man was to depart the column without his leave.” → He protects the land as they go, he scoffs at the “bored lordings” who could trample and attack the stock and farms along the way.

Little Lew Piper brings blackberries, Jaime orders him to share them with the other squires and fucking Ilyn Payne.

Feeling sorry for the horse and bear.

Pia!

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

More Paralelism:

I love this bit that calls back to Jaime’s first chapter ever:

“Riding at the front of the host with Ser Ilyn silent by his side, Jaime felt almost content. The sun was warm on his back and the wind riffled through his hair like a woman’s fingers.”

→ It’s like a more toned down “alive and drunk on sunlight.”. Instead of feeling alive, he feels almost content. Instead of drunk, warm. Instead of Cersei's fingers, a woman's. And it’s about being free from a former entrapment behind enemy lines.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Goldenhand

“Men shall name you Goldenhand from this day forth, my lord,” the armorer had assured him the first time he’d fitted it onto Jaime’s wrist. He was wrong. I shall be the Kingslayer till I die.”

→ I swear to God if they give him the nickname AFTER he dies I’m going to fucking scream (fingers crossed he won’t die)

“The golden hand was the occasion for much admiring comment over supper, at least until Jaime knocked over a goblet of wine. Then his temper got the best of him… After that there was no more talk about his hand.”

→ These fucking people omgggg fucking bootlickers. Besides he lets the common folk/his men see him as he is but has to pretend for "polite" company. I like that the hand is almost a second thought like, Well I suppose I ought to wear the hand to dinner.

→ He also says they’ll call him ‘Goldenhand the Just’ eventually because he is willing to impart justice even to the men who served his own house (he hangs a man in Lannister red for being a bandit), and if that doesn’t show AGAIN he is willing to do the right thing if necessary… well.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Jaime’s shames:

“They have lusty wenches in House Hayford. These are love bites, lad.”

→ Jaime Lannister, famously monogamous, thinks a fake hickey excuse is less shameful than his shortcomings. But also he needs to appear commanding.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Jaime, Horsegirl (contin’d):

““These are demons in the skins of wolves, sent to chastise us for our sins.”

“This must have been an uncommonly sinful horse,” Jaime said, standing over what remained of the poor animal.”

→ this line is not just funny but shows just how much Jaime has an affinity to the innocent.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

About Hoat:

since the description of how he died (tortured, cut up in pieces, fed his own flesh, then defiled in death) happens right before the goddamn Bear Pit Pt 2 I had completely forgotten about it. Jaime hears the tale, sees the head, and hi satisfaction at his death seems to curdle. I just like that of course, we know Jaime is not cruel. And that even though Brienne told him to “live and take revenge,” he is NOT finding pleasure in a death he might have gloated on if he were different.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

About Pia:

“She is a font of corruption,” said Ser Bonifer…

“I expect her flaunting days are done,” he said, “but if you find her that objectionable, I’ll take her.” He could make her a washerwoman, he supposed. His squires did not mind raising his tent, grooming his horse, or cleaning his armor, but the task of caring for his clothes struck them as unmanly

→ So first, this is one of the reasons I like Jaime. He is actually very very compassionate, and actually defends Pia. Second, does this seem to suggest he would’ve personally taken care of his clothes if he had two hands? Or just that this seems like an excuse to bring her in? Also, I love how the squires will do the cleaning but draw the line at washing clothes.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Jaime internally calling Ser Bonifer “Baelor Butthole” is infinitely amuthing to me.

[summerbummin]

PJO Equestrian Au

-Just imagine it

-They all go to a barn called SPQR Equestrian Center or maybe something like Neptune Stables

-Chiron is the head coach

-Silena is the assistant coach who is fresh out of college and always spoils the horses rotten with mints and sugar cubes from her dad's candy shop

-Her boyfriend Charles Beckonford works as a Farrier (makes horse shoe's and puts them on horses' hooves) and swings by the barn a lot, even if he isn't needed

-Then he bought a horse named Festus as an excuse to see Silena more (and because he loves horses)

-His apprentice/assistant Leo, tags along and Beckonford lets him ride his horse

-To be honest Leo rides that horse more often then Beckonford does and gives Festus loads of baby carrots so now he's basically Leo's horse

-Festus is toats in love with Silena too but I mean who isn't?

-Percy has the record for most falls off a horse, but it's not Blackjack's fault, it's because Percy does stupid shit

-"Hey Annabeth! Look! No hands- AHHH!"

-Blackjack will come over to his fallen rider and give his face a big lick and Annabeth will roll her eyes, trying to hide her smile

-Blackjack is also known as donut because once there was a box of shipley's donuts on a tack chest and Blackjack grabbed it and tried to eat the donuts, box and all

-Cue 4 riders simultaneously freaking out and trying to get the box out of Blackjack's mouth because that can't be healthy for a horse's stomach

-Percy is laughing and crying as he throws away the box of crushed and horse slobber coated donuts

-Tyson pats his shoulder, it was probably meant as a comforting gesture but Tyson is so big he nearly makes Percy eat dirt

-Tyson doesn't compete in shows like Percy because he gets way too nervous, but he loves riding his Clydesdale, Rainbow

-Grover is a stable hand and basically the guy you ask if you need help

-Percy wouldn't have survived his first month at the barn without Grover's help because "What the hell is a martingale? Do you think this is too loose? Which way do you wrap polos again?"

-(Percy was to embarrassed to ask Miss Perfect Annabeth for help)

-Annabeth has a horse named Yankee as a play on "Yankee Doodle came to town riding on a pony" (also her Yankees invisibility cap cause I'm so clever)

-Annabeth is the most experienced rider at the barn

-She's been riding since she was 7

-Yankee was an anonymous gift she got on her 12th birthday and Annabeth believes it was from her mother who mysteriously disappeared after she was a year old

-She's never told anyone this belief but her best friend Thalia who's house she practically lives at given her not so good relationship with her stepmother

-People often mistake her for Jason's sister and she loves it telling Thalia she'll trade her half brothers for Jason

-Thalia then hooks her arm around Jason and pinches his cheek saying "I wouldn't trade this guy for the world" and Jason is blushing like Thalia stahp

-Jason is a pretty skilled rider himself, competing in shows and earning ribbons with his horse Tempest who has an awful attitude around everyone, but loves his girlfriend piper who comes to hang out and watch him

-Jason glasses keep falling off when he goes over jumps, so he ends up having to tape them onto his ears

-Piper finds this very amusing

-Piper is at the barn just as much as the others and they forget that she doesn't even go there

-what Piper doesn't say is that she likes being there because it's better than her empty mansion

-Her dad once asked her if she wanted to start horseback riding but Piper has what she calls a cautious perspective of horses and prefers to just go on trail rides

-she steals... I mean "borrows" Tempest

-Hazel is the barn's best barrel racer and she adores her horse Arion who the others swear she trained to be an attack dog or something because if anyone tries to touch him but Hazel he freaks out and starts bucking and kicking and foaming at the mouth

-But then Hazel comes up and suddenly Happy Ears! He'll sweetly nuzzle her pocket, searching for treats and Hazel will hold up a horse cookie saying "give me a kiss first"

-and the others think he's gonna bite her but he just lips at her cheek then she gives him the cookie and a neck rub while he munches on his treat, cooing about what a good boy he is and the others are shook

-Nico comes to the barn to support his sister and absolutely does not look at Percy in those tight riding pants

-then one day a vet trainee comes by because a horse got sick and Nico is down like oh man he's got it bad

-the cute blonde is telling Chiron about the horses boo-boo's and scrunches up his face when he thinks hard about what they should do so Porkpie can get better

-Hazel notices Nico's not so secret crush and asks Will to take a look at her horse and oh by the way this is my brother Nico

-Nico ain't sure whether he wants to hug or strangle Hazel but he feels something because his stomach seems to have gone into his throat and gah!

-Frank is new to the barn and still kinda finding his way around

-He's given the tour by Percy then he sees Hazel riding Arion and looking fan-freaking-tastic

-And Frank is like whO iS thAT

-He has a total crush on her but Hazel is oblivious

-Percy ships it

-Frank has a huge draft horse he calls Gray

-Gray used to be his mom's army calvary horse and Frank got into riding as a way to be closer to his dead mother

-But Frank is terrified of that horse because he's ginormous and is prone to "moods"

-Reyna is the best rider in the barn and she knows it. Her and Scipio are always in perfect sync and look amazing

-Reyna really scored with Scipio because he's a total sweetheart and every one else is in love with him

-He was nicknamed skippy by Jason and it stuck

-No one calls him Scipio

-it's Skippy

-Reyna always shows up to practice early and goes up to the barn every day to check on skippy even if she doesn't have a lesson

-She's freaking dedicated okay

-to be honest the barn is basically the teens second home

A/N: I ride horses so I basically spit up a million head canons Sorry! Feel free to ask me about this au because I've fallen in love with it already. This is au is all that's gonna be on my board for the next month. You have been warned.

[toxickimi]

Ch 3 Day in the Town

After breakfast Azumiral had gathered the four as well as some royal guards to the main entrance. "We will be going to the town square today. Please don't hesitate to purchase anything if you see something you like." "Won't Kimikyo and Kigra join us?" Piper spoke up, causing Azumiral's smile to fade. "Kigra is to be shadowing mother today and..it is forbidden for the young Kimikyo to leave the palace grounds. Now if you'll please." Azumiral turned before Piper spoke back up. "Young? She's twenty years old. She's an adult." Azumiral began to giggle. "Did we not mention this to you? We live thousands of years. She's practically a teenager to us." "Th-thousands...of years?" Piper looked at Azumiral. "We age until we're about twenty-five and then it slows down to an almost halt. Mother is five thousand years old." "What...about you and Kigra?" Preston spoke up, as the group finally began to leave. "Kigra is five hundred and I just turn six hundred and twenty-two not long ago. Kimikyo really is the youngest. Once she turns twenty-one she will be of age. This means she'll be able to marry...if she wants and maybe even unlock her true form." "True form?" Piper walked next to Azumiral. "Yes. What you've seen has been just a training transformation though it is likely she will keep that form there is a small chance it'll change."

As the group walked there was an awkward silence. It dawned on the four visitors they knew nothing of this place. Piper began whispering to Preston, convincing him to get close to Azumiral to learn what he could and Piper would get close to Kimikyo. Soon enough they were at the town square the had shops all around and in the center was a wishing fountain that had a phoenix on the center pillar. "What's with the bird?" Preston walked up to Azumiral as the other wandered around. "That is the phoenix. It's said that it can heal any wound with its tears and antidotes can be made out of its feathers. He breathes this beautiful hue of fire and his wings are powerful enough to put them out. There is only one in the whole world, no one else can turn into the great phoenix." Preston looked up at the statue. "Are there others like him?" Azumiral shook her head. "No just the phoenix...but its been gone for quite some time. No one knows where it is at..." "You called it a him a moment ago...why the sudden pronoun change?" Azumiral looked at the phoenix then at Preston before whispering. "Because he is my brother." She turned walking away to a shop with Preston following behind.

Piper find a book shop that sold note books and pens. She had grabbed a few before going to the check out. "That'd be two silver pieces." "Oh...all I have is this gold piece." The shop keep looked up at her. "That'll do fine." Piper handed the gold to the shop keep who gave her fifteen silver pieces back along with an exchange card. "You're not from around here. This will help you. Each kingdom has different currency and exchange rates. This is ours." "Oh thanks!" Piper took the change and the bag of items with her as she left the shop. She went back to the fountain where Preston and Azumiral were, both having bags in their hands. "Ah, I see you went to the book store." Azumiral smiled at her. "Yea, I got some notebooks and pencils." "If you wanted those, you could have asked. I have plenty extra from the princesses studies." "I'll have to keep that in mind." Piper smiled at Azumiral then looked over to see Danse walking back over to them empty handed. "Did you not find anything?" "There's nothing here that peaked my interest that a single gold piece could buy." Azumiral looked at him curiously. "Oh and what is it that you saw?" "Someone was selling cats but wanted three pieces." Danse led Azumiral over to the person selling the kittens. "I see...Danse, these are lion cubs. Do you truly want one?" Danse had thought for a moment before nodding. "I see. Such a big softy for a serious man." Azumiral pulled out five coins to buy the cub and enough food. "You'll want to speak to Kimikyo when we return. She'll have to show you the animal pens and she'll help you train it." "That would be greatly appreciated."

Maxson had found him self in a weapons shop. He had looked around for some time before seeing a simple knife. He also happened to look over and see a small wolf plush. He placed both on the counter. "That'll be five silvers. Would you like these gift wrapped?" "Just the toy." The shop keep wrapped the plush then placed both in a bag. Maxson soon joined the group. "What's you get?" Piper was trying to take a look in the bag, which annoyed Maxson. "If you need to know, I got a knife." "That makes sense." Piper shrugged it off before the group began walking back to the castle.

Once back at the castle Azumiral excused herself before returning shortly with Kimikyo. "Azumiral said we have a new member to the family?" Danse handed her the cub which caused Maxson to raise his eyebrow at his paladin. "I happen to have a soft spot for cats." "Except this is a lioness, not a simple house cat. You do know this correct?" Kimikyo held the cub while looking at Danse. "I'm aware." "Are you also aware you can't take her back with you?" "You're mother said we were allowed to come and go as we please. If it's alright with you Elder Maxson, may I come back her on my free time?" Maxson stared at Kimikyo though it looked as if he were looking at the cub. "As long as it doesn't interfere with your work soldier." Danse nodded to Maxson before Kimikyo led Danse and anyone else who followed to the animal pen. "This is where we keep the animals. We have seven mythicals and seven normal, well now eight." Kimikyo turned to see only Danse and Maxson. "I'll introduce you guys to the family." She handed Danse back the cub before heading to the animal feeding pen. "This is where we feed them and it looks like Vi and Brohm are here." The brown dire wolf looked up from the carcass it was eating them. "Brohm here is our oldest good boy. He was papa's and is currently going blind. Then there's my good boy. Vi! Come say hi." Creaking could be heard from the rafters as the giant Antilles pinktoe tarantula, the size of a full grown horse, made its way down the walls. "This is Vi and he loves meeting new people." Vi walked over to Danse and Maxson, raising one of its front legs up as if the shake hands.

Maxson hesitated for a long moment before reaching out to the spider. "Very...interesting." Danse tried his best to not show it but he was terrified of what stood before him. "I find him when he was a hatchling, his family was killed by poachers and he was about to die." Vi turned to Kimikyo patting her on the head before climbing back up. "He thinks he's human." She whispered to Maxson, before giggling. "Danse, the cub can come over here for food. It's where all carnivores eat." She led them over to a trough that had bones and meats in it. "You can pull from here while it's a cub but they carnoes do like to just like to dig in. So be careful if there's others here. The food gets refreshed once a day, and is slaughtered fresh daily. The left over meats are cleaned and boiled then sold to the fishermen. It makes great predator bait." She continued walking through the feeding pen. "Over here are for the horses but it looks like they are out for their daily run. Over there is the water hole." She pointed to a large watering tank. "It is filtered and cycled constantly so it's always fresh." The three of them began to leave the feeding pen, Kimikyo remaining silent as she led them to the grounds. "This is the training grounds. You are welcomed to bring the cub here anytime but be careful, Iza does like to be out here at night. He's got a temper and is overly protective. Most of our animals come back at night so over here are the sleeping quarters." She opened the other barn that was on the other end of the grounds. "When the cub gets bigger, you'll have to leave her here. Mama doesn't like large animals in the castle...not after what Rose did..." Kimikyo looked slightly embarrassed before showing Danse to the baby pen. "This is where the babies stay...we haven't had a baby in a while so I'll get it cleaned up for you with new bedding. Any questions?" Kimikyo turned to look at Danse and Maxson. "Who's Rose and what did she do?" Piper had appeared, following them half way through the tour. "Oh she's my black widow. She...she gets excited and chased the captain of the royal guard around wanting to play fetch but all he saw was a giant spider...heh. By the time we found the two Rose had him webbed up and cuddled. Luckily she left his head uncovered." "A...g-giant...sp-spider?" Piper went pale. "Two actually." Kimikyo smiled at Piper before talking to Danse and Maxson. "Currently we house and feed A cobra basilisk, two giant spiders, a griffin, a dragon, three stallions, four mares, and two dire wolves." Kimikyo stepped out of the barn seeing the horses returning with the trainers. "Princess Kimikyo, Ganon has been stubborn today. He really didn't want to listen." Kimikyo sighed, shaking her head. "That's a Friesian for you. I'll take him out riding once I change outfits. You can leave his saddle on." Kimikyo turned to look at the others. "Have you ever rode horses?" "We have none in our land." Kimikyo smiled before nodding. "Can you also leave Ai, Kana and Sky saddled and have a few leads on stand by." Kimikyo turned to the group before bowing. "A moment please. I'll have to change out of this dress. While away Sena will give you instructions on handling if you want to ride a horse."

Kimikyo had left to change into a long sleeve shirt that had loose fitting sleeves and a pair of skin tight pants that were tucked into her boots. "M'Lady only one wished to ride so we had sent the other two to the groomer." "Thank you Sena." Kimikyo looked over to see Piper sitting on Kana's back. "Nervous?" "A little." Kimikyo smiled as she climbed onto Ganon's saddle. "Sena are you leading Kana?" "I am, my lady." Kimikyo nodded and looked at Piper. "You have nothing to worry about our mares, Kana expesially, are gentle. It's are stubborn stallions you need to worry about." Kimikyo ruffled Ganon's mane which made him shake his head. Maxson and Danse stood silently, watching Sena lead Kana out of the barn. Kimikyo pulled back on Ganon's reins before he bolted forward out of the barn. Ganon kept running around the training grounds before looking over at Maxson who was watching closely. Ganon bucked up, neighing aggressively before charging at Maxson. "Ganon! Halt!" Kimikyo pulled the reins back, trying to stop Ganon. "Halt!! Heel!" She kept tugging back finally Ganon stopped, inches in front of Maxson. Ganon stomped his hoof on the ground, watching Maxson closely. Maxson didn't move from his spot only stared back at the stallion. The horse turned to his side, before taking off again. Sena watched the whole thing go down before whistling over to Kimikyo and Ganon. "My lady perhaps Miss Piper would like to go on a run with you two." Sena handed to lead rope over to Kimikyo who tied it to Ganon. "R-run? Kimikyo, Ganon took off way too fast and I'm still pretty nervous." "Don't worry Piper, Ganon loves Kana and listens to her. He won't out run her." Kana looked up at Ganon, neighing at him as if upset at him. Kana turned away from Ganon who followed her every movement. The two horses began to gallop lightly, causing Piper to giggle. "He's love stricken isn't he?" "Oh yes he is. It's his turn to mate with her this year. Normally Kana mates with one of the royal guards stallion but Ganon is finally at that age. So we're going to breed them." Piper and Kimikyo went a few laps around the training ground before taking the horses to the groomers. "So this is how they end their day? Pretty lucky." "No, they get groomed once a week but today just so happened to be that day." Kimikyo smiled at Piper as the two walked back to the castle, the guys already having gone in.

Sena had made his way to Aiko's study room where she was busy signing forms. "My queen Aiko. Sena is here to discuss news with you." Aiko's butler stood at the door waiting for Aiko's word. "If it's about the horses I don't care." "It's about Kimikyo, my queen." Sena bowed before Aiko nodded. "What is it? Did she find another pet?" "No, my queen. She took Ganon for a ride but in the midst of it he charged one of the men visiting." Aiko dropped her quill, placing her head in her hands. "Oh Devine, he's dead isn't he?" "No, my queen. Ganon had stopped and accepted him, while our young princess was riding." Aiko looked up at Sena, awestruck. "Are...are you certain?" "Yes, my queen. As you know Ganon doesn't ever take to new people and most would take cover seeing him charge but not this one. He stayed put while Kimikyo was attempting to stop Ganon." "And what of my daughter? Did she have anything to say?" Sena shook his head. "No but I'm sure she's aware of the approval." "Very well. For now we will keep an eye on the two. This may be very good news for us." Aiko smiled at Sena before dismissing him. Hannah, the butler, looked over at Aiko, smiling. "My queen, do you believe this is a good sign?" "It's a sign but you know how Kimikyo has been with men. Always so serious and uncaring." Hannah had sighed lightly. "Perhaps we shouldn't get our hopes." Aiko remained quiet for a moment before looking at Hannah. "Well...they will be gone soon enough...the portal will be moved in four days and that is when they will leave. Whether they come back or not is up to them. When is your next surgery Hannah?" "O-oh uhm..in two days, my queen." Aiko turned to Hannah. "This is your last one correct? Are you excited to be a full woman?" "I am...I finally feel completed." The two remained silent. "Feeling completed...do you think that is what Kimikyo wants? To feel completed?" "I'm unsure of what are young princess wants. However, I do know she wishes to train. Why not let one of those new comers teach her? Show her their ways. To better our bond with them but also give Kimikyo what she'd like." Aiko thought for a moment. "Very well, Hannah. Ask one of those men if they'd be willing and info Kimikyo once you get an answer."

[agirlinthegalaxy]

Literally just me theorizing about next gen kids’ Warren powers, bc I’m failing rn at Paige’s kids, so like. Any suggestions would be nice, bc I am struggling, but also this is super ramble-y and also heavily features my own headcanon, so warning for that. I just really like the next gen and Charmed’s powers and power development

First, I guess it’s not that important necessarily, but I really wanna stick to my headcanon about the Warren powers. Basically, general a Warren witch’s first power (and because of this, generally primary power) is one of the three Warren powers: telekinesis, molecular immobilization, or premonitions. Depending on their strength as a witch, the actual strength of their power may vary. For example, P. Baxter (who later reincarnated into Piper) only had molecular deceleration (a weaker version of molecular immobilization, where she can only slow down time instead of outright stopping time), in contrast to her granddaughter Patty Halliwell and her great-granddaughter and future life Piper Halliwell who both have full-on molecular immobilization. 

The other part of that headcanon is that Warren witches only get one Warren Power, so Melinda Warren was the only one to actually have any kind of combination of telekinesis, molecular immobilization, and premonitions at the same time. So for example, Phoebe wouldn’t be get telekinesis or molecular immobilization because she already has premonitions. That being said, I’m open to the idea that a few Warren witches break that rule by not having any Warren power at all or even has more than one, but like as a super rare thing that’s like a “huh, that’s weird” thing.

Now onto the actual kids, bc wow, I talk too much. Obviously, Wyatt and Chris both have telekinesis. With Wyatt, it’s not... necessarily one of his primary powers? As much as Wyatt kind of doesn’t have a primary power, bc he has so many and honestly, if he’s gonna focus on training one, it’d probably be projection bc uhhh, sometimes Wyatt doesn’t think before he speaks anddddd now look, there’s a horse in the manor. (He was tired and thought they said horse, not hoarse, let him make mistakes. :( He’s trying his best.) 

Chris, however, is a hundred percent is a telekinetic witch, bc if we’re being honest, that’s pretty much his only power besides like orbing and telekinetic orbing. Telekinesis is just. So much more his style, because telekinetic orbing requires calling for an item and orbs aren’t exactly inconspicuous and it’s a lot easier to just move his hands, okay?

Melinda! My girl. She has molecular immobilization and, tbh, pretty much everyone is like “yeah, she’s gonna end up with all of Piper’s powers” bc she’s a spitfire and will also cuss you bc she can. Who cares that she’s not half-Whitelighter or half-Cupid or half-Manticore (his name is Sebastian and he’s chaotic and we love him), she can freeze and vanquish your ass all by herself.

Peyton!! My sweet child, I’ve been having feelings about her for awhile. She’s Phoebe’s oldest and inherited the whole premonitions thing. Like Mel, I’ve honestly never questioned my choice for her Warren power, bc it just fits her. Honestly, her power development is probably going to be a bit similar to Phoebe’s, but there are two roads there that I’m still deciding on.

Parker, however, probably has telekinesis. I’m reconsidering parts of her personality, but she’s a bit more rebellious and active. I originally gave her hyper speed as well, but changed my mind bc it doesn’t fit, so I’m still unsure about how to best develop her powers, I probably need to iron out her personality a little more first.

Patience is Phoebe’s youngest and also has premonitions. Honestly, I’m not sure about her power development either, but I’m lowkey thinking about the road I don’t pick for Peyton or maybe go a bit more emotional/mental based, especially since I’d originally liked the idea of her premonitions happening in her dreams. I don’t think I’ll stick with that, bc it doesn’t make much sense, but maybe keeping it in that same line by on a more intangible aspect.

Paige’s twins are Charlotte and Penny and I’m really stuck on what to do with their powers?? I don’t follow the comics, really at all, (in case the different names didn’t give it away) so I don’t really want to just divide Piper’s powers between them. It’s kinda the same reason why I ended up changing my mind about giving Charlotte cryokinesis/hydrokinesis and Penny pyrokinesis. I mean, it fits the whole “opposite twins” thing, but I don’t want to tie them together so closely like that. But also, I feel like it’s kind of expected to give them complementary powers, because they’re twins. I’d thrown around the idea of giving Charlotte telekinesis originally, but I don’t really know if I’d want another telekinetic witch when I already have three rn. But I also don’t know what I’d want to give Penny. Part of it is probably bc I don’t really know how I want their characters to be, bc I don’t really like my original ideas for them as much anymore bc they were pretty one dimensional.

As for Henry Jr., I’m literally so undecided on him, bc I completely discarded my original idea for his character and need to figure out a new one entirely basically. Like, I know that him being adopted is a popular headcanon and is comics canon and honestly, I really do like that. And like I could still make him a witch if ya wanna get into that, but it’s more like do I still wanna do a plotline that rested on the 9 cousins being able to use Halliwell magic? Idk. So like I don’t even know his background, much less powers, so yay me?

[3one3]

The Sequel - 903

Old Ways

André Schürrle, Juan Mata, other Chelsea/BVB players, and random awesome OC’s (okay they’re less random now but they’re still pretty awesome)

original epic tale

all chapters of The Sequel

“Hey man, do you know where Chris is? She’s not answering her phone.”

“Try Dirk’s paddock. Last I saw her was out there playing games with him. Tell her this one is ready in 10 minutes.”

“How many are left?”

“Him and two more.”

“Ugh. All right.”

Cartagena, petit in stature on the crossties in the very open, high-ceiling grooming area but far from slight or small in his impression, even with an oversized wool cooler covering much of his body, eyed André with a plain mix of suspicion and disdain. The player interrupted the curry job happening on his chest, and that was wholly unacceptable. Chest scratching via currycomb was the gray stallion’s favorite thing in the whole world. He stretched his neck out to its maximum and tilted his head and wiggled his lips and made savoring sounds. All he ever wanted from humans, besides hay and grain and water, was chest currying. André noticed the horse’s displeasure. He reached out to pat his nose just before Tom resumed making circles on his chest with the ovular grooming tool.  Cartagena had been around for a long time already, but he didn’t really know him the way he knew his wife’s other horses. The horse in the next grooming stall, with Isandro, was even more foreign to the player.

Christina, Heiner, and Holger teamed up to persuade the syndicate that owned the lion’s share of Rio to invest in a mount for Stefanie. They’d been passively scouting potential horses for her for months and she had a chance to try one of them at Madrid Horse Week. Christina wished she could watch the pair in person before a decision was made, but Heiner and Holger said it was a good match, and Stefanie was already in love with Color Up, or Pacha, as he was called around the barn. A Chacco Blue son out of a Contender mare, the young bay stallion had buckets of talent and a curious, disbelieving personality. The girls all thought he was a cuddle bug in hiding, and the guys thought he was cautious and untrusting. He was just 6 years old and had a lot to learn about himself, not just show jumping. A half sibling of his with the same dam-sire was already competing at the top level and doing well, and tons of other Chacco Blue progeny dotted the orders of go at big shows, though his daughters were thus far more successful on balance than the sons.

Pasha’s greatest asset was a direct inheritance from him. He had a beautifully tight front end. He jumped everything square and tidy, clean as could be. The Oldenburg first got on the radar of the trio of trainers at the Young Horse Championships earlier in the year. Christina only saw him on video, while the other two watched him in person. He competed under one of Christian’s associates. Pasha was “one for the future”, and the trio of trainers would have to help Stefanie bring him along the right way. He needed someone to trust, and he needed patience. What he had to offer was, on all visual evidence, a great willingness to learn.

The first two things he learned at Stall Schürrle was that Goose wasn’t very welcoming and the girls always have treats. Tom moved Kyle’s retired old schoolmaster across the aisle next to Pasha so that he wasn’t alone in the otherwise unoccupied block of stalls. Goose hated everyone though, and bared his teeth and pinned his ears when the new youngster tried to visit through the bars between them. Kimi and Optimus were nicer to him outside when he was introduced to their paddock. Dirk did try to kick him in the face from the other side of the fence though. That’s why Christina was still outside when André was looking for her. She walked down with Isandro when he was going out to bring him in for Stefanie, just to see how he was getting along with her apathetic “baby” and his adorable sidekick. The newest of the gold medal winners in the barn was trying to fight him from next door. She climbed into his paddock to “scold” him but ended up just playing with him instead, “to distract him”. There was some kind of bullfighting scenario going on out there when André arrived, in the snow.

“Is this what “training like a multiple times Olympic champion” looks like?” he questioned with facetious skepticism from the fence line. His wife had told him a few days earlier, on her recommitment to her old work ethic, that she ought to train like a multiple times Olympic champion if she wanted to be one. The rider was running back and forth with her arms out beckoning her best equine friend and then bolting in the other direction when he got close. Dirk was like a really, really big dog. The actual dogs were on their way, at maximum speed, down the lane to greet André. They had their Barbour blankets on and kicked up snow such that they, combined, looked like a very small snow blower.

“Yes,” Christina verified. “We’re training for the winter Olympics.” There was a big smile visible between her fur pouf-festooned beanie and the scarf wrapped many times around her neck. She nearly slipped and fell every time she stopped or started her short little sideways run, despite wearing rubber galoshes over the foot part of her paddock boots. Her Holsteiner was mostly just moving his front feet, and had no traction trouble.

“What sport?”

“Bobsled? I dunno.” The rider was laughing and out of breath. Dirk’s ears were tall and forward, and his eyes bright. He could play her game all day, whatever it was. Calvin was standing behind him, just watching, and probably worrying that something terrible was about to happen to him. André could tell he wanted to come over and visit with him but was afraid of the commotion going on in between.

“Tom says Cartagena is ready in a few minutes.”

“Mkay.” Christina took a deep breath and stood up straight, abandoning her game posture. Dirk stretched to literally sniff out the situation. He clearly didn’t trust that the game was really over. He thought she was luring him in and would then dart away, out from under his nose. “Relax, you idiot. I’m trying to pet you.” She held her gloved hand out, and he snorted, on alert, wide stance. The hot air from his flaring nostrils made a little cloud around her hand. It took a couple of seconds for him to decide that he wasn’t getting played. His human let him sniff her open palm, and then rubbed his nose, and eventually up under his forelock. The snow was still coming down in a picturesque kind of sprinkling, so he had little flakes in his mane. Some of the other horses had hood attachments for their heavy-duty turnout blankets. Dirk didn’t like them, and he didn’t seem to get uncomfortably cold. He’s so handsome with a snowy backdrop, Christina thought wistfully. I wish I could leave him out here to play. “Time to go in, dude. We have to work still. You’re next after Cartagena. Also I’m sweating.” She tugged her waffle knit scarf down a little for ventilation. She didn’t know she’d be running around getting warm when she put her down jacket on to go outside.

“Training is over?”

“This part is. How did round-two crisis talks go?” Please say well, she willed, turning around to head for the gate. Dirk’s halter and lead were on a hook next to it. He followed her, and so did Calvin. Luckily they weren’t the kind of pasture buddies who get so attached that they can’t be left alone. The Hannoverian would definitely try to follow his friend out, but wouldn’t have a breakdown when he was pushed back and left behind.

“It wasn’t a crisis talk. It’s not a crisis until Watzke and Zorc call Marco and Nuri to the offices to talk about what the players want. It was just the regular team meeting. It was...not pleasant. We’ll see what happens at the weekend. Are you coming in now?” André stopped petting Spencer and Lucky to unsnap the chain for the gate as the Pied Piper approached with her followers. He wasn’t in any mood to talk about the team talk. Real Madrid beat his club 3-2 and it should have been a hiding. No one took anything positive from the minor rally. He didn’t play a single minute. He felt extra bad about it after watching Christina retweet a video of Juan absolutely destroying defenders on a crazy, dancing run the night before, all day long. It was as if she was sitting around looking for every person who posted it just so she could retweet it again. She even posted it on her Instagram. Bosz still wasn’t fired.

“Yeah, Dirk too. Watch out, puppies. G’d up idiot stallion coming out.” Christina reached around the post for the halter and knowingly took the second one, not the one on top, without having to look. Calvin had already come in, worked, and been put back out, so his was logically on top. The silver plates on both of them just said Schürrle on them, not their own names, but Calvin’s was much too big for Dirk’s finer head. Christina paused after fitting his over his ears and snapping the throatlatch to get a hello kiss from her visitor, whom she did not expect to see at the barn, much less out in the cold. “How come you’re braving the elements?”

“I was hoping you were almost done and interested in sneaking into the house for a nap.”

“Sneaking into the house?”

“Well if you just walk in normally then Mausi wants to show you whatever he made today, and play some game, or eat snacks with him or whatever. If we sneak in then we can go straight upstairs and have a nap,” the footballer explained. He waved Calvin back so that he could close the gate right behind Dirk, even though his wife had the situation under control. She could lead one horse out and turn him around while keeping a hand on the gate and closing it before the other one could escape. She did it without thinking.

“By “take a nap” do you mean do things in bed other than nap?” A sideways glance conveyed her meaning about his potential hidden meaning.

“No. I’m tired, Prinzessin.” André patted Dirk’s blanketed flank on his way to falling into step beside her and playing with the faux fox fur ball bobbing atop her head.

“Oh. Well I would love to nap with you if I could. I have him and Cartagena and Rio left to do.”

“Are those the fleece-lined pants Rafa gave you last year?”

“No. It’s not cold enough for those. I went with the half chaps today though, obviously.” Christina gestured down at the brown suede chaps on her lower legs. They were a lot warmer than her field boots, and riding in her winter paddock boots meant there was room for thick socks inside that would never fit in the field boots.

“I’m freezing.” Her human partner had a longish parka on with a cashmere hat, and tennis shoes that didn’t really keep the wet out. Horse and rider walked in the middle of the path, which had been mostly cleared through a combination of salt and traffic, and he was forced to walk on the side, where there were a few inches of snow. I want to go get under the covers with her and be warm and relax for a while, he lamented. I know I could talk her into it but I also know I shouldn’t. She wants to train, and it’s making her happy to do it on a real schedule again.

“There’s hot cocoa mix in the lounge. Or are you gonna go nap solo?”

“I don’t know. What are we doing later? Are we eating home?”

“We’re having super herby skillet roasted chicken with toasted wild rice and mushrooms, onions, and carrots.”

“That sounds nice.”

“It was, yesterday, when I made it. Hopefully it still is,” Christina laughed. “I’m willing to forego leftovers if you want to go out though.”

“I want whichever dinner gets you on the couch with me sooner.”

“It’s only three. I’ll be home in a couple of hours. There’s plenty of time for the couch before dinner.” She let her left hand swing around a little to feel for André’s right one, but it was in his coat pocket. They texted about the match earlier in the day while he was on the plane back from Madrid. She didn’t think he’d want to get into it again. It just worried her some that he was so desperate for a nap. It wasn’t like they had to wake up early for the flight, and they didn’t train when they got back to Brackel. It was a meetings-only kind of day for them.

“Yeah. I’m going to get a head start, I think. Mausi was mad that I only stopped at the house to change before coming out here. I should go see him. Tim called me about the London property. I should call him back.”

“What about it?”

“I think he has someone who wants to lease it.”

“Oh.”

“I’ll find out and then we can talk about it,” the footballer assured. “I’m gonna go. Have good rides, Prinzessin.” He stopped at the double doors at the back of the barn to give her a kiss and pat Dirk’s neck once more. Walking down the shed-row and through the narrow gate in the hedge was a much faster and more direct route back to the house than going inside with them and going out the courtyard doors and around the hedge, though the second one was completely clear of snow and the other was not.

“I’m gonna have to put him on antidepressants if that team doesn’t get its head out of its own ass soon,” his wife told her Holsteiner. “I can’t even try to temper my frustration by apportioning some blame to him, because it’s not like he ever gets a chance to play. You and me will need to win some stuff next week to make him feel at least a little better. You ready to get back in the game? Ready for minutes?”

“Did Schü find you?” Tom asked as they arrived in the grooming stall next to Cartagena. Pasha was already in the ring with Stefanie.

“Yeah.”

“Don’t clip him in. He’s coming over here.”

“You can’t tack up a horse in Isa’s crossties?”

“No. My stuff is here.”

“Men.” Christina shook her head disapprovingly at Dirk and handed his lead to the groom. The Dutch stallion got a quick smooch and scratch on his muzzle before she grabbed her helmet off the hanging bridle hook and put it on in place of her hat, which she tossed onto the bench across the aisle. “I’ll be like 20 minutes. Can you make sure Socks gets wrapped when he comes in? I don’t know that he really needs it, but just in case...”

“Kyle is in there putting out quilts and bandages for 5, fresh from the dyer.”

“Make sure Dirk gets the black ones. No poultice.”

“Yes, Master.”

“Black on black Back On Track. Say that 10 times fast.”

“Rather not.”

“K. Let’s go, Mr. Kingpin.”

Cartagena did not acknowledge his brand new, random nickname she pulled from her general association of the city of Cartagena with drug trafficking. Nor did he bristle at the fact that she told Tom she wanted the Back On Track pillow wraps for Dirk and not for him. They came with special fibers in them that promote blood flow, which reduces or prevents inflammation. All of the horses were treated in some way after jumping, as nearly all of them did that day. Some had to have their ice boots, some just got cold hosing, and some were rubbed down with liniment. If it were a big jumping day or one with a hard gallop in the field, Dirk, Nick, Rio, Calvin, and Dezy all spent some time with the Game Ready wraps, plugged into the magical machine. After whichever appropriate treatment, there was wrapping. Some were wrapped completely dry with traditional white “shipping” quilts, or pillow wraps as they’re also called, and burgundy or black stable bandages- like polo wraps, but longer, thinner, and stretchier, to provide more consistent tightness up and down the leg over the bulky quilt. Some were poulticed first, with wet brown paper bag wrapped loosely around the clay-like stuff to protect the quilt. There were other gels and products that could go on before the wrapping too. Dirk and Nick were always wrapped with the Back On Track-brand black quilts and matching black standing bandages.

Christina’s collection of quilts included multiple brands and sizes, as front and hind legs require different widths, and because she’d accumulated them over decades. Her grooms needed a ton of them. They can’t be re-used without washing, and they were used constantly. The regular ones were used for shipping too. So putting out the wraps for later was no insignificant task for Kyle. It required a lot of hunting and matching. Christina, Tom, and Isandro all abided by the same rule- no mismatched wraps of any kind, because it can result in uneven wrapping, which is bad for the legs. Helpfully, most of the quilts and bandages were marked in some way. Some were embroidered with “MARTIN” or “SCHÜRRLE”, or the name and a number corresponding to the other one in the pair. Some had names and/or numbers added in permanent marker. There were a couple of sets of standing bandages made by adidas, with the three white stripes just on the last 12” or so of the wrap by the Velcro. Those were easy to pair.

That she had specific wraps on her mind as she pulled Cartagena’s halter off and got ready to head into the indoor was a further sign that she was back to working the way she used to, before her out of the saddle life got in the way and made her crazy. It wasn’t something she really needed to be thinking about. Her grooms knew what to do and what she wanted. But she liked to feel as if she was on top of everything, not leaving anything up to others. It wouldn’t be Tom’s mistake if Dirk didn’t get the treatment she thought was best for him. It would be hers, for assuming Tom anticipated her thinking. The rider almost forgot she once ascribed herself that level of responsibility, until Juan talked to Sid Lowe about it and inadvertently reminded her. That wrapping was on her mind in that moment instead of her husband’s football depression was a big change too. While she felt absolutely gutted for him and wanted to do whatever she could to improve his mood and empower him to perform well, she was able to drop that subject entirely the second she set eyes on her next mount- the next horse she needed to work with and train, not just exercise. For a long time, she would have been able to think of nothing outside the typical spiral of “ugh” that began with a Borussia Dortmund foul-up and ended in “and he uprooted our entire life to bring us here for this garbage”. It was a lot easier to work and train while thinking about how on top of things her guys were in terms of caring for the horses than it was to do anything while she dwelled on all the wrong turns taken by her co-pilot.