#shouldn't i be writing something else?

[scoonsalicious]

Pocket MCU - Captain America: Civil War 1/?

In Which Pocket Tries to Stop Steve from Taking the Quinjet.

Word Count: ~1k

Scene In-Movie: 1:41:42

A/N: I took a break to write WFLT. It's pathetic how little writing for that story I've actually gotten done. Instead, I do shit like this. Idk; Pocket stuff just flows out so much easier than anything else. #sorrynotsorry #pocket4life

You opened the hatch of the Quinjet and slowly made your way down the plank, hands raised above your head in surrender as Steve and the Winter Soldier approached. You couldn’t believe that he hadn’t been able to see reason. That it had actually come to this, had come to blows. You couldn’t believe he had torn your family in two.

That he had betrayed you.

“Pocket,” Steve called, “we’re taking the Quinjet. You need to get out of the way.”

“Or else what, Stevie?” you asked through your tears. “You gonna fight me, too?”

“How many girls you got, punk?” the Winter Soldier asked him with a sidelong look, but Steve ignored him. 

“I don’t want to hurt you, Pocket,” Steve said to you, instead. “You know that, don’t you?”

“But you will if you have to, right?” you cried. If you could just keep him talking, keep him distracted long enough for Tony or one of the others to get to you, to stop this insanity. “If I stand in your way. Then all bets are off, aren’t they?”

“Pocket.” Steve took a step toward you, but you took a step back, further up the plank of the jet. You didn’t miss the look of sadness and hurt that crossed his face at your retreat.

“You’re acting like you’re afraid of me,” he said softly. Pained.

“I just watched you try to kill our friends, Steve,” you told him, your voice breaking as you spoke. “I don’t know what to think about you anymore.”

“We’re not trying to kill anyone,” Steve attempted to reassure you, his voice sounding desperate. But you’d been watching on the airport’s security feeds. You’d seen everything. “But I need you to get away from the jet.”

“I can’t let you just leave, Steve,” you said. You were doing your best to keep your voice from shaking, but your entire body was trembling. “If you want the jet, you’re gonna to have to…” you swallowed, hard. “You’re going to have to go through me.”

“Pocket, be sensible, please,” Steve said, taking another step toward you. “You can’t seriously think I’m going to fight you. You're a civilian.”

“I never thought you’d fight Tony, either,” you said, choking back a sob. “But look where that got us.”

Steve took another step toward you, and you retreated once more, reaching behind your back and pulling out the weapon you’d holstered in the waistband of your pants when you’d first realized they were heading toward the jet, toward you.

“Please don’t take another step closer, Steve,” you begged, pointing the gun at him. “Don’t make me do this. Please. Don’t make me do this.”

“You gonna shoot me, Pocket?” he asked, his tone almost condescending. “We’ve known each other too long. You’re not going to hurt me.”

“Maybe not,” you agreed, readjusting your aim so that it was pointed at the Winter Soldier, instead. “But I fucking don’t know him.” You pulled the trigger, sending a blast of sonic propulsion toward the man who had been the catalyst for breaking your family apart. 

“Bucky!” Steve shouted, diving in front of his friend and catching the blast square in the chest. The impact of the blast sent him flying backward, slamming him into the Winter Soldier, and the two went flying into the rubble of the collapsed air traffic control tower behind them.

Steve shook his head, disoriented, as he tried to get his feet back under him. He reached down to help the Winter Soldier rise, as well. “A shock gun, Pocket?” he asked, almost sounding amused once he had checked that his friend was unharmed. “Really? You think that’s going to hurt us?”

“I think I like this one better than the blonde,” the Winter Soldier said to Steve with a small grin, but his words didn’t even register to your ears.

“I’m not trying to hurt you, Steve,” you shouted across the hanger. “I just needed to slow you down.” You darted your eyes behind them to where T’Challa was making his way over the accumulated rubble and Natasha had appeared , seemingly out of nowhere.

Steve’s eyes narrowed, and you knew you’d fucked up– that he’d clocked your nanosecond of distraction. 

Natasha stepped forward to position herself in the line of fire between you and Steve.

“Oh, thank fuck,” you whispered, breathing a sigh of relief knowing your friend had come to back you up.

“You’re not gonna stop,” Natasha said

“You know I can’t,” Steve said to her with a shake of his head.

Natasha raised her arm in Steve’s direction, electronic propulsor at the ready. “I’m gonna regret this,” she said.

To your absolute shock, she aimed it between Steve and the Winter Soldier, shooting a burst of electricity straight at T’Challa.

“NATTY!” you cried out in disbelief as you watched T’Challa convulse and stumble to the ground in front of you. “What the fuck are you doing?!”

She turned to make eye contact with you. “I’m sorry, honey,” she said, "but we have to let them do this." Then she looked back to Steve. "Go!” She fired another blast of electricity at the Wakandan king.

Steve and the Winter Soldier rushed the gangplank, and you knew there was nothing you could do to hold them back. The sonic propulsion had barely kept them down for a single second, and you weren’t fast enough to get them both.

“Please don’t do this, Steve,” you pleaded, one last attempt to make him see reason. “There’s got to be some way we can work this out, all of us, together. Please.”

“This isn’t personal, Pocket,” Steve said, using the shield to knock your gun out of your hand. You watched as it went clattering into a pile of crates at the base of the plank, leaving you completely defenseless and the nerves of your hand singing from the impact of the vibranium.

With super soldier speed you couldn’t hope to match, Steve was behind you, putting you in a headlock, his arms pressing on your carotid artery, and you knew you only had seconds of consciousness left. If he let you live at all.

“I’m so sorry, love,” he whispered, so low you thought you might have hallucinated it, and as your vision tunneled toward blackness, you felt the press of his lips to your temple.

[normal-thoughts-official]

i need mal to have a mental breakdown so bad it makes me look stupid

this is the part where i beg you to hear me out. listen. mal's been a bit more like himself these last few chapters but his route still feels stilted. i know you know what i'm talking about. every time there is one of those "one of the LIs reacts to you getting hurt or something of the surt" things, mal's is always the most lukewarm, if not outright cold. the passion and personality only really comes out when we kiss. and like, listen, i romance almost exclusively women and POC (usually Black or brown POC) in this app (I'm pretty sure Aerin is the only white male LI I've ever had anything with? lol), so i'm very very used to my LIs of choice having obviously had a lot less thought when their routes were written. but this is different. it feels almost intentional. and his book 1 route wasn't like this, either

and what calls my attention the most is that mal almost never smiles lately. in book 1 smiling was pretty much mal's default sprite. i think mal was smiling, like, 50% of the time he was on screen, if not more, and the other expressions had to share the rest among each other. but in book 2 we go entire chapters without mal smiling once. and if you pay attention he almost never looks angry or sad, either (he never looked sad a lot but he did look angry often enough, i know because i always laugh at his angry face. rip king ily but calm down). he is in his neutral expression sprite 90% of the fucking time. he looks neutral more often than tyril does (although tyril obviously smiles a lot more in book 2 than he did in book 1, it's noticeable. still, though, he's tyril)

and we know that mal used humor and an untouchable persona as a defense mechanism in book 1, it's been said. so it makes sense that mal was smiling all the time; i remember mal felt more real when his face turned neutral, at least to me. and mal keeps making the same jokes as before, so - why is he not smiling?

and like we know that mal is not okay. it's been shown. the self sacrificial tendencies, the overworking himself, the self doubt. it's been said in text. but i think the neutral sprite is the biggest clue here. because a lot of the time, mal is being objectively funny, but his neutral sprite makes his jokes feel flat. mal feels flat. and i think it's because he's trying to cling to his old coping mechanisms - charming, funny personality - but he doesn't have the energy to anymore, because he's changed, because he's exhausted. and he's said that he felt like he was trying to keep the group together on his own, and we know that mal, for all his damn posturing, takes his responsibilities seriously when he accepts them. he learned how to patch a roof at age 6 so wren could sleep better. he paid off her debt before he paid his. he built a fucking orphanage, for fuck's sake. when mal decides that he's gonna do something, he gives it his all, and he refuses to be stopped. he's going to the goddamn thieves guild to help MC. he's been on the run from the guild for fucking years and they never found him despite him being in whitetower. this mf is dedicated

all of that is to say: during this last year, mal wouldn't stop. he refused to stop. going to the garden every day. building the orphanage. keeping tabs on imtura (i'll never shut up about it HE KEPT TABS ON IMTURA). trying to keep the friend group together. taking care of and feeding a bunch of fucking orphans. the only way to keep yourself going with this much responsibility at once is by repressing every fucking feeling hard and not thinking about anything else. which explains the constant neutral face. mal can't feel anything, because he barricaded everything inside himself so he could keep going. the only way he can ever express himself is physically, when he kisses MC, and that's about it. and so he never quite expresses any feeling, even concern for MC, or smiling, or anything, because he's too busy not stopping, because if he stops he'll crumble

so like. for this to have any closure at all. mal has to crumble. i think he's past the point where he can talk about this healthily and avoid a major breakdown. there's too much threatening to burst, and he's too tired. i genuinely cannot see any way for this to be resolved that doesn't involve mal fucking breaking down, and finally acknowledging how much he's hurting. he's gonna have to stop and look at this, and clearly this will only happen once it comes bursting out of him

and i want it, god damn it! i want mal to fucking lose it. i want that catharsis and i want the angst and i want the drama. fuck!!!!

but if there was ever a time for mal to lose his shit, it was chapter 13. i even wrote about it at the time. i mean, he had just been talking with MC about how much he was hurting when they were gone. fixing the roof and talking about how he feels like he's dragging the group down and he's the least important one. and then MC disappeared. again. in the shadow realm. with valax. and he had no idea where they were. and... nothing. nada. "don't do that to me again 😐". so i struggle to imagine what could possibly be worse than that to trigger a breakdown. MC full on dying and ressurrecting nia style? i mean, seriously

and so i'm climbing the walls because if mal has a breakdown? then everything up to this point will have been good writing. the way every scene felt stilted, most jokes fell flat, everyone felt that distance between mal and MC, that shitass "reunion", it will all have been part of his arc and i'll love it and hold it dearly because oh yeah, i fucking love emotional repression for the sake of self sacrifice, sign me the fuck up. but if not then i don't see how any of this can be part of a coherent arc, and so it'll just have. sucked. after his route in book 1 being so good and satisfying they just, what, gave up? lost their groove the first few chapters and then regained it later but never really addressed it? i don't know, man. i really hope whatever's coming is good but i'm used to choices letting me down, so

this post doesn't have a beautiful conclusion or anything i'm just kinda anxious and frustrated. this is why i hate reading things that aren't finished. god damn it

[lovecolibri]

Oh I am *cackling* at the producers trying to claim the show was driven by Loki and Sylvie's relationship when she refused to lift a finger to help multiple times (while platonic bestie Mobius was living out romcom moments by the dozen with Loki), and honestly they could have not had her in the season at all and barely anything would change. Like, I don't like that ship but it's still SO deeply disrespectful to give them NOTHING on screen all season while giving all the cute classically shippy moments to Lokius, and then come out after and claim it was some grand, sweeping romance and also there was nothing intentional about giving all the shippy stuff to Lokius. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Also, as I said in some tags, the "we can't get into Loki's head" like is just....peek absurdity. My brother in Christ, YOU'RE the writers! This character has been in the MCU for like, 14 years, played by Hiddleston who is *obsessed* with Loki. Getting into Loki's head should have been a cake walk! And even if it wasn't, IT'S LITERALLY YOUR JOB TO GET IN THE CHARACTER'S HEAD. Maybe this is why shows are so shitty? Instead of letting the characters drive the plot by getting into their heads and making choices from that perspective, showrunners instead twist the characters into a storyline.

ANYWAY.

[stabbyfoxandrew]

:(

[rainybraindays]

If you're saying how Penelope needs to keep Whistledown, or how her giving it up harms the story, you may not understand the character I fear.

[weareuniqueandimportant]

EH... THAT WAS A PRETTY WORTHLESS 5 HOURS... THE COMMENTS ARE ALL VIRGINS... SOMEONE NUTTED OR SOMETHING THINKING THAT WILL ASSERT SUPERIORITY ON HER OR SOMETHING LOL... ABUSER BIGOT LOSER CRYING STOP TAKING THE THING THEY TAKE SERIOUSLY SERIOUSLY WHILE TAKING THIS VIDEO SERIOUSLY... SHE'S WORTHLESS HERSELF... ONLY OUR FEELINGS MATTER NOTHING ELSE IS RELEVANT... THIS IS SO BORING AND BIGOTED... SHE'S SUPER LAME... HARUMI IS THE VICTIM TBH... THE MAIN CHARACTERS ARE ALL EVIL ALL THE BIGOTED THINGS ABUSER BIGOT LIKE THE SERIES... THEM OR OVERLORD THAT DOESN'T MATTER WHO'S THE ONE MANIPULATING HER... WHICH BTW IS WHAT THE MAIN CHARACTERS ARE DOING... AS IS EVERY SINGLE ABUSER FAN OF THIS EVIL CARTOON... WE WILL WATCH ANOTHER EPISODE ONLY ONCE THEY PUSH THESE LOSERS TO THE SIDE AND SAY THIS STORY ISN'T ABOUT THEM ANYMORE WHILE INTRODUCING SOME LOVELY BRAND NEW MARY SUES THAT REPRESENT EVERYTHING IN A WOMAN SHE CLEARLY DESPISES... SHE'S A MISOGYNIST HERSELF... INFACT A SEXIST BIGOT QUEERPHOBIC BIGOT ABLEIST SANIST PARAPHOBIC RACIST ALL THE BIGOTED THINGS ABUSER BIGOT... I CAN'T BELIEVE THERE'S ITEMPHOBIA TBH... AND THIS ENTIRE MESS WAS ALWAYS DESTINED TO BECOME ONE... THAT'S WHERE EVERYTHING BEGINS... CAPITALISM... THE COMPANY... THE WRITERS... THE PEOPLE THAT APPROVED THEM... WHATEVER THEY BASED THIS ON... THEY NEVER CONSIDERED ANY GROUP... THEY NEVER CARED ABOUT ANYONE... THEY DIDN'T PLAN ANYTHING FOR THESE LACKING CHARACTERS AND ONCE THEY ADD THINGS TO THEM THEY JUST KEEP GETTING MORE AND MORE SEXIST... HER FAVORITE SEASON IS ASS HER FAVORITE CHARACTER MOMENTS ARE ASS... TORWARDS THE END OUR EMOTIONS WATCHING WERE MURDERED THEY DIED THEY WERE NO LONGER THERE... WHAT HAPPENED WITH OTHER CAPITALIST CASHGRABS LIKE THOSE MARVEL MOVIES... THAT HAVE NOTHING WOKE ABOUT THEM TBH BESIDES THE BANGER THE MARVELS... A NARRATIVE ABOUT HOW YOU SHOULDN'T CHANGE ANYTHING BECAUSE ABUSER BIGOT DON'T WANT YOU TO...

[broken-clover]

Bleh. I know it's stupid to let other peoples opinions dictate what I do and especially what I make but sometimes it's very difficult to not do when I know someone actively hates it when I do

[a-local-idiots-shitpost]

actually I think the reason why I despise things like Replaced AU (and other things like it) because I would just not care if they loved someone else, the only thing I would care is if they would ditch me and if they did I'll be a petty little bitch for the rest of my life time:)

[hannahchronism]

do you think the people making "tumblr is going to poison the AIs lolol" just. don't know about the decade+ many hundreds of old writing blogs that were writing genuine short fiction and no longer have the ability to login / even know that this is happening to toggle the thing on their old blogs and so are about to have their words scraped in what will be a hugely valuable Get for programs that are actively trying to supplant creative pursuits through parsing the works of every creative they can find, good and bad, or

[just-slightly-chayotic]

i think i should get another saturn tattoo. i don't think one is enough

[crying-tears-for-dc]

This might be a controversial opinion, but I'm not always the biggest fan when people write Cass as the Perfect Child™ while also writing her as someone who uses her skill in reading people against what they say they don't want and telling everyone when they are lying.

For example, if she knows someone is lying, she just tells everyone around that they are. I don't enjoy reading that all the time if it isn't written in a way that is useful to the plot because it's just intrusive and non-consensual. People lie for a lot of reasons. If she's always written as someone who constantly outs someone, it's eventually going to build resentment and be detrimental in relationships. Also, it's just rude? Idk I get that it's fanfics but it just makes me feel weird, and why wouldn't anyone around her teach her not to do that?

Also, using her ability to read peoples body language in fanfics often lead to her convincing people to do what they "actually want" and that just puts me off sometimes too. Again, that's non-consensual. If someone says they don't want to do something verbally, even if their body language is telling her they want to do something she shouldn't be trying to force them. They have reasons for saying no and even if those reasons aren't always good or healthy, no still means no and she shouldn't be trying to force that? I often see her written as pushing by asking over and over, using puppy dog eyes, acting cute, calling them out on the lie, etcetera and it's just off putting from the consent thing sometimes.

I see this a lot and it's just a whole problem for consent and being rude, in my opinion. Also baffling how no one calls her out on it.

[stackthedeck]

what I thought would happen with NaNoWriMo this year: I'm so busy with so many things, even on top of my classes and my jobs I've got a lot of commitments on and off campus, there's no way I'll actually carve out time to write

what I hoped would happen: even though I'm busy, giving myself the routine of a creative hobby is self-care, this will be good for me in this time of extreme busyness

what I never thought would happen in a million years, but absolutely should have seen coming: my other responsibilities can wait, I'm in the middle of a really good scene... oh god it's been two hours and 2k words what is happening

[monster-noises]

I love this phase in 'writing' something (thinking about writing it) where I psych myself out about it and become convinced i will never be able to write it because the things i'm trying to write are Impossible to find a solution for

But like.. the things i'm trying to write are 'make a character who struggles to appropriately express himself communicate a vunerability without point blank communicating a vunerability' and 'make it clear the character being communicated to picked up on that without point blank acknowledging the vunerability verbally to the person or reader'

Which is like

Normal Writing Shit

And i am simply stressing myself out for No Reason and yet i Cannot Stop

[death-rebirth-senshi]

Turning around Yuna at the end of ffx in my head. She was supposed to die and now she's here alive without the man who made her want to live, who had the nerve to sacrifice himself after telling her such things were wrong. A summoner with no aeons to summon or Sin to defeat, who brought the eternal calm and is now unexpectedly saddled with having lived to tell the tale. And worse still, everything she's believed in and was ready to sacrifice herself for turned out to be a lie, the entire foundation of her life crumbled beneath her. Nothing was supposed to be this way but here she is, having to find a way forward.

[imwritesometimes]

I think the huge chunk in the middle of my wip notebook that is just manic notes, outlines, time lines, entire chapters complete with edits from the last (almost) year that I abandoned should idk... have the decency to tear themselves out and set themselves on fire

[medicinemane]

Everyone's against cringe culture and shit like that, but pretty much everyone seems to have an arbitrary line they draw in the sand

I'm not talking concrete lines where like you have some quantifiable metric for it. You think I don't have lines? Of course I do, there's stuff that's blatantly stuff that causes direct harm to people, though at that point it's not about someone being weird, it's about someone doing actual bona fide harm

But that's the thing, a lot of people it's just they'll be like "no, we shouldn't make fun of people... but this person's being weird"

And it's like... you can say anyone's being weird. If that's where we draw the line then literally there's no reason for people not to make fun of you for innocent but slightly weird shit, and we're right back where we started

"Yeah, but this person's being weird", yeah, not shit, I think they're weird too but like... that's not the point, that's irrelevant. The point is that you can't just shift the rules. If it's wrong to shit on some people for being weird, it's wrong to shit on any people for being weird. You need to produce some quantifiable bad they're doing like say... going in to strangers in boxes to say stuff that makes them uncomfortable, now we've got a clear reason why what they're doing isn't ok

Though to be clear here, they're still not bad for being weird, they're bad for their other actions

Like... I don't want to give an actual examples, cause it honestly doesn't matter, but do you think I don't browse the internet and find all kinds of stuff where I think "could you fucking not"?

...but then I move on cause it's honestly not worth my fucking time. Either there's an actionable offense that needs reporting or I can just move on (or a need to change things so certain destructive or dangerous behaviors can be reported, though that requires being able to say why this needs to be a thing in concrete terms)

Just... I don't know... drives me nuts how people, including people I like, will talk a big game about cringe culture needing to die, but then do the exact same shit

"But you don't get it, this time they we're being too weird, it was creepy", yeah, but they weren't actually hurting anyone, and guess what? There's someone out there who'd be happy to use that excuse to shit on you

So there it is