#but once again when it comes down to whether i want to spend my limited time writing or drawing?

[monster-noises]

I love this phase in 'writing' something (thinking about writing it) where I psych myself out about it and become convinced i will never be able to write it because the things i'm trying to write are Impossible to find a solution for

But like.. the things i'm trying to write are 'make a character who struggles to appropriately express himself communicate a vunerability without point blank communicating a vunerability' and 'make it clear the character being communicated to picked up on that without point blank acknowledging the vunerability verbally to the person or reader'

Which is like

Normal Writing Shit

And i am simply stressing myself out for No Reason and yet i Cannot Stop

[schwarzkatje]

'50s!au with butch!ellie and married!fem!reader || part 2

part 1

ellie wants you to come with her at the gay hideout she spends the majority of her nights at. she may have sounded sly and even flirty when she asked to go together, but now she is starting to get the feeling like she crossed a line there.

it's ironic because ellie seems to take pride in showing how confident and unbothered she is, whether it's with joel or her group of friends. she always speaks her mind and loathes the thought of being silenced or when she's asked to be someone she is not.

if only this time there wasn't more at stake than the protection alone of her being: there's you. ellie doesn't want it to be over before even getting the chance to try. she knows deep down that losing you or scaring you away would be too much to take.

she mentally slaps her face with how ridiculous she's being. because you actually accepted the invitation. but still, ellie thinks she may be reading into it too much, not wishing to fall into the trap of false hope.

but then again, it's not like ellie asked you out: the only reason why this is happening is because your husband, joel and other friends of theirs gathered to play card games, leaving you alone and bored. the opportunity presented itself, that's what ellie makes of it. you, on the other hand, told your husband that it would be nice to get to know ellie and to get some fresh air, since you aren't exactly used to it, being a stay at home housewife.

except that you of course lied about the location ellie and you are headed to. you know deep down it's wrong. on so many levels.

all this mental torturing results in ellie scoffing while she gets dressed, tying her trusty necktie and spraying cologne all over her suit. this time, it's a black one. perfect to be worn for the night.

you don't have a driving licence so it's ellie that picks you up. this excites you in a way you can't exactly put into words. for this reason when you see her car on your patio, your heart gives in to said excitement and almost leaves a hole in your chest.

you grab your purse and your coat, give your husband a kiss to which he doesn't respond in the most loving way, barely acknowledging you, too fixated on his cards. you don't have time nor the energy to let this affect your mood, not when you are once again busy trying not to make a fool of yourself in front of ellie.

she looks out of this world. the suit is not something you haven't seen. but the suit alongside the slicked back hair turns out to be a deathly combo. why don't you feel half the things you experience with ellie?

"you must like this place a great deal if you're going dressed so fancy," you attempt joking while getting inside the car because if you take it seriously you know you will get yourself embarrassed beyond limits.

ellie has to clear her throat the moment your leg enters the car, giving her the premium seat vision of your charcoal stockings and your red velvet dress, temptingly hugging your chest. she likes to think she's playing cool but she doesn't manage to steady her voice completely. "and you must be taking the "gotta make a good impression at all costs" rule maybe a little too far". wow, ellie, that's how you talk to a woman, congratulations. "i mean yeah you look good, obviously i was pulling your leg".

"i know, ellie, don't get too serious with me" i already have my whole current and future life for that, you prefer not to add. "and thank you. you don't look so bad yourself".

the whole ride is spent with silences and stolen glances taking the place of unsaid words. you appreciate it but you also make this your defence shield against any possible embarrassment. ellie, too, doesn't seem to mind, only asking you if she can light her cigarette.

you have to take a few hidden roads to arrive to destination but overall you must have taken fifteen minutes or so. ellie parks and she maybe too obviously speeds the whole turning it off process because you see her on your right opening the door. she tops it off with her giving you her hand to help you get out. needless to say, you forgot how small things like this used to make you happy.

"i promise you'll love this place. music is top notch and don't get me started on the drinks," ellie really wants you to enjoy it and it's not just the excitement in her voice that gives it away, rather how her big eyes that exude such a pure sweetness that even if the hideout turns out to be a flophouse, you couldn't find it in you to show disappointment. then again, ellie seems to care especially about you, so you highly doubt she invited you over just to take you to some dubious taste pub.

as soon as you two set foot in there, you are stunned: there are areas with decorated tables and chairs, long counters filled with shot glasses and distant niches which you can enter by scooting the velvety curtains right before these areas. your prejudice had been faster than your open mindedness: you assumed this place would be chaotic and with different music than soft jazz.

instead your eyes wander and a smile creeps on your lips. you don't notice right away all the gay and lesbian couples. well, of course you notice but the fact is... this doesn't shock. you see them dancing, kissing, drinking, having fun and you can swear a weight you didn't realise until now was being lifted off your stomach. so it's normal, you mentally slap yourself for what you just thought.

"told you, you're gonna have a blast," ellie's voice brings you back to planet earth and the hand that swiftly hugs your waist to guide you into the pub nearly sends you into space once again.

you don't blush but at the same time your legs quiver, imperceptibly so. still, ellie's touch is not one you simply dismiss. it marks you, it's hot and firm, yet so gentle you sometimes could doubt she even touched you. to obliterate any confusion, your skin reacts to it. every. single. time.

ellie leads you both to another room in the hideout. the classy interior continues to impress you and this time you spot leather couches instead of thin wood chairs. this can only mean you and ellie are going to sit real close to each other. you can't help but gulp.

the hand ellie placed on your waist disappears only when you take a seat on this small yet comfy sofa. before you is a coffee table with a numbered card and a list of all the drinks. you pick it up and turn to ellie, who has also taken a seat, legs open and elbows planted on the sofa back. fuck.

she bursts out laughing and your puzzled face only eggs her on. "i bet 50 bucks i can guess which drink you are gonna order," ellie is sure of herself on this and too bad for you her laugh spread across you as well. "am i so easy to read? wait, two can play this game. let me guess your drink too," you seize the opportunity to hammer your shell. after all, if you can't do it here where and when else would you?

"alright, then. shoot," dares you ellie. your eyes glint, filling with the excitement of a trivial game. "you're gonna have a beer. easy as that. maybe a little bit basic if i can say so myself but everyone loves a good beer".

"ouch, you just called the best drink in the world basic. like, i would totally agree if it wasn't for the fact that your choice is a martini, so..." this way of playing engages you and dares you to come out more and more.

"without olives," you punctuate. "it doesn't matter. i still won and you," ellie points at you wiggling her index finger "you are starting to look like a sore loser".

"i'm not. if anything i'm impressed," this comes out genuine since it's the truth. it's thrilling to have someone with whom to create a natural connection, someone who must have watched you over time because how else could she have guessed? what is the meaning of this? what are you doing?

the waitress finally arrives and ellie, still high on the eagerness of having guessed, decides to tease you a little more. "a martini, please," she declares while her shit eating grin is directed towards you. she's daring you once again and your pride makes you take the bait immediately. "and a beer. not too cold if that's possible, thank you".

once the waitress is out of sight, ellie shakes her head, still wearing that breathtaking smirk and fishes out another cigarette and she puts it in between her lips. "damn, what were you saying about not being a sore loser?" ellie fiddles with the lighter, looking right at you. "you are making fun of me so you get a lukewarm beer," you cross your arms, pushing your breasts together and you inch closer to ellie.

"a beer is a beer," ellie takes a puff and drops some ash into the glass tray. "and by the way i'm too happy you came to even be bothered". she sounds so sincere and innocent it physically hurts you. you feel more and more like it's your job to protect her. "i'm happy i came, too. i needed this," what you meant by 'this' is unknown even to you.

your drinks don't take too long before they are placed on the small table and you take them. as if you had previously agreed, you raise them, tilting to bring them closer. ellie is the first to talk. "a toast to happiness, then." "a toast to happiness," you repeat.

it hits you when the alcohol starts its descend into your veins just how much ellie is exposing herself to you. again, it's not like most people in town don't know, but still, with you feels different. ellie generally shows her nature because she hates suppressing it and also to prove people wrong, to be a nuisance in their eyes. it's not because she's 100% at ease with the situation, it's more of a retaliation thing.

with you, it's a whole new ellie. she's not fed up, she doesn't need to be defensive and she shows her true colours because it's the only thing that comes natural, not to piss someone off.

while you take small sips you keep telling yourself now it's your turn to be vulnerable. or at least to initiate something. before it's too late and you regret and your lightheaded feeling wears off, you turn to ellie. not only that, your knees bump into each other and ellie shivers. your face get nearer and nearer, gaze fixed on ellie.

for the first time you see those puppy eyes open wide, taken aback and visibly surprised by how bold you are being. but it's when you take her hands into yours that an inaudible gasp leaves her chest and lands warm on your face. you both squirm and get restless the more your skin prolongs the contact.

"let's dance"

[misc-obeyme]

XOXO

Happy Valentine's Day!

I wanted to do a cute and quick little headcanon, so this is the brothers reacting to MC giving them a box of conversation hearts. If you'd like me to do the other characters as well, feel free to send me a request for it. 💕 ETA: Part two is here!

GN!MC x the demon brothers

Warnings: none!

Lucifer

He does understand that there is limited space on these tiny chalk hearts, but is that really an excuse for the terrible spelling? LUV U and U R CUTE really make him frown.

Despite this, Lucifer does think it's very cute of you to give them to him. He will keep them on his desk, safe in their box, and woe betide anyone who even dares to touch them. He won't even touch them himself and no, it has nothing to do with getting chalky candy dust on his spotless black gloves.

He may not fully understand your human customs, MC, but he truly does appreciate your thoughtfulness. When you're spending time with him while he does paperwork, he will actually pick one out to give to you. It's the one that says ALL MINE.

He waits to see if you blush. If you do, he's out of his seat in an instant, pulling you to your feet so he can kiss you. He'll whisper in your ear about how you are, in fact, all his.

Mammon

At first he's too busy being flustered by the fact that you gave him something so cute to consider anything else. But once he's calmed down, he starts scheming. Hey, MC! Don't ya think Devildom variants of these'd sell like hotcakes? You'd both be rich!

You get to decide if you indulge this idea or not. Though admittedly, it'd be pretty interesting to see what kinds of phrases you might come up with for a Devildom variant. They might say things like LUV POTION or SPELL ON U or maybe even HEART HEX. The two of you have a fun time coming up with these, whether or not you actually make them.

Mammon might think that you're only giving these to him because it's what humans do on Valentine's Day. He thinks it's cute, but he doesn't know if it means anything special. You can remove his doubts by choosing a specific message out of the box, though.

Put one that says KISS ME in his hand and it's all over for you. If you're around other people, you can be sure he's dragging you into the nearest empty room.

Leviathan

Ahh! MC! Did you know they actually made a promotional version of these for the anime I Made A Cake For My Crush Decorated With Candy Hearts But They Turned Out To Be Cursed And Now She's A Dragon? They had some in the box that were actually cursed and would turn anyone who ate them into a dragon for a day! They were pulled from the shelves, but he still has three boxes of them that have never been opened.

You listen to this in amusement, but you're quick to let him know that these are just regular human world candy hearts. As far as you know, there are no curses on them. Levi finds he's actually quite excited to try the real thing.

That is, until he starts to read the messages. Each heart he reads makes his blush get worse until he eventually asks you if you realize what these candies say. That blush goes deep red when you indicate that you are fully aware.

He'll get it together and actually try one, though. He's trying not to think too much about the messages. They taste kinda funny and they're a little chalky, but he loves them because they're from you. Give him one that says HUG ME to watch him blush all over again before he reluctantly puts his arms around you. Wait a moment and he'll melt in your embrace.

Satan

He's heard of these, though he's never had the occasion to try them for himself. He's skeptical of their texture, but he finds the little messages charming. He will eat some if you insist. He's grateful you thought of him, MC. He truly appreciates your gift.

Then again, these little conversation hearts are like a puzzling challenge. How can he make them say what he wants to say to you? They're so brief and they don't make much sense even when strung together. He spends half a day staring at them and thinking about it.

You eventually find a set of them lined up neatly on the table in your room. They say U & ME, FOREVER, SAY YES, MY LOVE. You look around for him, but Satan isn't there. He left these here for you to find on your own. You'll have to go looking for him in another part of the house.

He's in his room, blushing behind his book, acting like he doesn't know exactly what you're there for. All you have to do is take the book out of his hands and say yes. That single word is all he needs. You won't be leaving his room until morning.

Asmodeus

Oh, wow, these are absolutely adorable! Not as adorable as him… or you… but still so cute! Help him set them up so he can take a picture for Devilgram. He knows it'll do numbers because everybody is so into human world trends right now. Plus, he's going to throw in a selfie of the two of you eating them.

Okay, wouldn't it be cute if he painted your nails to look like little conversation hearts? He does it immediately and gives himself a set to match. You're amazed at the skill it takes to write the words so small and perfect, but Asmo is more than up to the task.

Ask him which one is his favorite and he'll say all of the ones that remind him of you. He'll start putting them into your hand - CUTIE, SWEETIE PIE, and XOXO. He makes kissy faces at you as he puts that last one on your palm.

When you laugh, he joins you. You're radiant and that's all he can see for a moment. And then the candies are forgotten because he can't resist your sweet lips. He doesn't need candy, MC. He has you.

Beelzebub

Surprises you by not inhaling them immediately. You have several boxes for him because you anticipated this reaction. Don't worry, though, he'll still eat everything you've brought him.

But he stops because he's curious. They say stuff on them, right? That's really cute, MC. He picks out one that says only LOVE. He doesn't need a lot of words, candied or otherwise, to let you know how he feels about you.

Turns out you're the one who's flustered now. You cover it up by telling him to try some. He does as you ask and he's happy enough to eat them all. You tell him about the different ways they can be used to decorate other desserts as well. Eventually he realizes he's really hungry. He wants to take you out to get something a little more substantial soon.

He tells you that he's full of sweet candy words now, but he would rather just hold you than say them. You're okay with that, of course, and it's not long before you find yourself covered in kisses.

Belphegor

What are these? Are they for Beel? You'll have to explain that you wanted to give them to him. Tell him about how popular they are in the human world and he'll start to understand. He might even be aware of what they are, but he certainly wasn't expecting you to give him any.

What a nice gift, MC. He's happy that you thought of him. He tries them out of curiosity and finds he's not too fond of their thick texture. But he likes the words. He arranges them into a little sentence for you. SWEET, DREAM, YOU & ME.

You see him blushing slightly when you read them together out loud. Well, that could mean a lot of things, right? There aren't enough words to make a real sentence. But he's just coming up with excuses to cover the fact that he's nervous about hearing you say the words.

It's easy enough to distract him with some kisses. He forgets his embarrassment pretty quickly when he's suddenly far more focused on how you feel in his arms.

xoxo part two with the side characters

masterlist | Thank you for reading!

[milesmolasses]

Trust Don’t Work (Earth 42! Miles x black! fem reader)

Earth 42 miles finna make me act up hes so damn fine

AND I THINK HE MY AGE!!!

don’t y’all just love thug livin?

on my tupac type beat

Warnings: kinda toxic relationship, mentions of blood and killing

From what you knew, Miles Morales was a hard working guy. Always around doing God knows what  as he barely has time for anything else, other than his work. The time that you get to spend with your boyfriend is very limited throughout the day, whether it be short-lived dinners when he comes home, or his lips on yours as he’s about to walk out the door and go back to work.

When you first asked Miles about what kind of work he does that has him out and about all day, he told you, “Don’t worry about that mami, just worry about getting your pretty little nails done.”

And that’s exactly what you did. If Miles didn’t want you worrying about what he did for work, then you thought that you should respect his privacy and his wishes. However, respecting his wishes became difficult when he began coming home in the middle of the night with specs of blood on his jackets and shirts.

Lord knows you would stay up late until Miles finally came home, and when you would try to talk to him, his response would always be “Don’t worry about it ma.”

“What the hell is this... Jesus, Miles are you bleeding? Who did this to you? Did you get in a fight? Miles talk to me-”

“Yo, didn’t I say you don’t gotta worry about it? Dios mío I’m fine ma, now take yo ass to bed,” he said in annoyance whilst walking past you.

It was becoming an ongoing cycle of you questioning Miles every night when he came home and him brushing it off like it was nothing. That was until one day, Miles came home days after he left. He didn’t call, he didn’t text, he didn’t even leave you a note telling you he would be gone for a while.

The first time he left for a couple of days, you almost had a panic attack. For all you knew he was dead already. Thoughts of him being found dead somewhere on the streets plagued your mind, sending you into a frenzy of calling him and texting him, desperately needing to hear his voice. It wasn’t until he came home two days later to see you angry crying when he apologized for scaring you so bad. 

“Mami, you gotta understand it was a stupid mistake. I was out on business for a couple days, and I forgot to tell you. Por favor, I’m sorry. I ain’t mean to scare you like this Ma.”

Learning his lesson, whenever he had to go for a couple days he left you a note on your refrigerator, saying that he would be gone and not to worry about him. This is when you really began to want answers as to what your boyfriend was doing. There was no way he was working no 9 to 5 and being gone for three days. You needed an explanation as to what was going on. 

You chose to try asking Miles what he did for work once again. You sat him down and tried having a one on one conversation with him, slowly leading him up to the big question you wanted to ask. When you had finally asked it, Miles seemed upset with you. He had told you multiple times not to worry about what he did because as long as it paid the bills, you shouldn’t have to worry about what he does. 

“Miles, you come home with blood on you and I don’t see you for three days and you expect me not to ask you these questions? Do you think I’m fucking stupid? You want this relationship to work, you need to put in the fucking work. I need you to tell me the truth,” you said as you paced around your apartment.

What you wanted to be a calm conversation had quickly turned into an argument between the two of you. At this point, it wasn’t even about what Miles did for work, it was about the fact that he was lying straight to your face 24/7. 

“What happened to you saying that a relationship needs boundaries? What, now that I have my boundaries set straight you wanna cross them?” he asked. “If I don’t want you to know what I do for work, then that should be that! You trying to press me to say something that I don’t feel needs to be said, is crossing my boundaries!”

Arguments, like these became frequent; the longer his lie went on, the more your trust for him began to crumble. The more you tried to question him, the more walls he put up between the both of you. It wasn’t until one morning when you turn on channel 2 news to see none other than New York City’s newest vigilante in the limelight.

He had a mask on so you couldn’t see his true face, but cascading down from his head you recognized those two long frizzy braids anywhere,

“Oh my God…”

It was like your whole world was falling apart — the man you loved, was out in the world killing people. Though yes, these people were terrible people who were wreaking havoc upon New York City, that still didn’t change the fact that your boyfriend, Miles Morales, was killing people.

Your breathing began to pick up, your eyes searching the room frantically for something, anything to make this horrible feeling go away. You gripped the edge of the couch, shaking your head, praying a mantra of denial and trying to convince yourself that this wasn’t real.

“No… no no no no no this can’t be real- this can’t be happening, no it’s not him.”

When Miles came home the next day, you couldn’t even look at him. You knew. You knew what he was doing for “work,” that he was killing people and making deals with others. It wasn’t until a few weeks later that Miles realized you were acting strange toward him.

“Mami? Mami ¿qué tal? You’re acting weird,” he said as he sat next to you on the couch, nudging you. You had both legs up with your hands wrapped around your knees; almost like you were cradling yourself.

“I’m fine baby.. just a little tired,” you tried getting up from the couch, not wanting to be near him now that you were fully aware of what he was doing. You didn’t know how to feel about him anymore.

Miles pulled you back down to the couch by your shoulders as he said, “Nuh-uh, hàblame. I’m not just gonna let you get up and leave me without talking about this first-“

“Who said I was gonna leave you? Huh? Is that what you think Miles, that I’m gonna leave you-” you questioned him with your eyes wide open looking at him. He looked at you, surprised by your small outburst.

“What? N-no mi amor I meant leave the couch.. are you good you’ve been acting like this for a while now?”

It was happening. You know you would have to tell him that you found out what he was doing, but you just didn’t think it would have to be so soon.

“I know what you’re doing.”

“Huh-? Baby what are you talking abo-”

“I know you’re the vigilante on the news. I know it’s you Miles, I seen the braids on his head so don’t even try to deny it!”

Miles slowly took his hand off your shoulder, surprised at what you just told him. Jesus Christ how could you have guessed just by the braids on his head?

“Okay… you know… what do you want me to say about that?” he said, careful not to tread too close to your emotions.

“I want you to tell me why,” you said, putting your head in your hands trying so hard not to let the tears flow. Miles could hear the way your voice cracked as you tried to get the right words out. “Why are you doing this?”

“I’m doing it for you Ma-“

“No you’re not, cause I ain’t never ask for you to go leave this house and kill people! I never asked for that shit man!”

Miles sat there, bewildered. Just looking at you and your convulsing body as you were full out sobbing into your hands. He couldn’t think of what to say. Nothing would fix this, nor what he had done. You were right, we was a killer. But he had always tried his best to keep that side of him private. All he wanted was to protect you from the ugly side of his life. If he had openly told you he was the Prowler, a target would be instantaneously attached to your back.

Just as he was about to open his mouth to say something, his phone rang in his pocket. He slowly sat up to grab it and tell the person calling that now was not the time. But when he heard his uncle Aaron telling him he needed him outside to complete unfinished business, he had no clue what to say in the moment. After a few silent beats and a sigh, he quietly agreed over the phone to meet up with him.

You turned your head to the side to see miles ending the phone call. He turned to look at you, head scrambling to find an excuse to tell you he needed to go in the middle of an argument.

You turned your head back into your hands as you told him with no emotion evident in your voice,

“Just get out man…”

ooooooooo milessssssssss

lol this was fun y’all!

I love Miles G. so imma be sure to write smth more light hearted for the next one

Idk if he’s a lil OOC but we don’t really even know what his character personality is yet

y’all I don’t speak spanish, so for the little spanish I put in here I hope I ain’t screw it up 😭

and if I did, feel free to tell me!!!

[ambriel-angstwitch]

My Commentary on Tim Drake: Robin

Because it’s my blog and I can do what I want

Starting off strong with the panel that made TimKon shippers go crazy

Ahhh! I love them calling eachother the Batfam it makes me happy

Then look at how small Bart looks

Small boy

A couple commentaries not connected to any particular panel but I adore the art style and I’m so happy Tim and Stephanie worked things out.

But I think Tim might have a type

TimKon shippers, TimBern Shippers and Platonic Tim and Steph fans somehow all got fed with this Pride Comic

People say Jason is the book nerd when Tim Spends this whole story recognizing and remembering the plots of detective novel not to mention he recognizes that he lost four books and figured which ones they are not to mention just the collection of book he treats like his most precious items. Like I acknowledge Jason and Jane Austen and love it but he should not be the only one joked about being a book nerd.

These clone escue thingys show up and Tim’s thoughts about them are so interesting.

I adore that even as he’s fighting them he’s saying praise for all of them, though he’s got the most for Dick. And the first read through I thought he didn’t compliment Jason and that made me sad.

Close up on Damian’s because you can’t really see it in the full page pic and the my baby brother just really got to me. I am very susceptible to Batfam moments

But Gosh even knowing they’re not his actual family it’s got to hurt to hear them confirm all his worst fears of never measuring up.

Well like father like son I guess. It’s not like Batman hasn’t figured out how to take down almost any hero he meets.

Little does Bernard know.

I love the TimBern in this. Their relationship is still developing, it’s clear that Bernard is comfortable in it from the start of the volume but Tim has his doubts of where they stand, of whether this is a good idea because he’s just dragging Bernard into his mess. But Bernard has his own messes and struggles and they can just be with eachother through all that

Tim. Timmy boy. That’s not a good thing. You should learn how to have some more self preservation, just because your family are all self sacrificing doesn’t mean it’s the healthy way to be.

Why is Superboy’s biggest fan what Tim finally responds to? Also why does Bernard call him that? Is Tim talking about him all the time? Also I love that Bernard calls him his boy wonder once again little does he know. (This is another scene I’ve seen TimKon fans go crazy for)

That’s the last picture on this post as I’ve hit the limit but the book was very good! I loved the villian, loved how they explored Tim. Love the Tim Bern. Tim coming to the realization that it’s ok not to know who he is yet is amazing. He’s figuring things out and that’s ok.

[animeyanderelover]

My Mizuki brainrot is still strong so here we go again.

Image

"If I could, may I ask you a question?" the female owner of the shop asked as you were busily packing in the packets of ice cream and, to your delight, candied apples you had bought. You felt quite content, knowing how much Mizuki loved this food. It would be a good way to surprise him and thank him for all the work he was doing for you as a familiar.

"Of course. No need to be shy." you replied in a chipper voice as you lifted up the bag which was bulging a bit due to all the stuff inside of it. "From where did you get this beautiful kimono you're wearing? It's so pretty!"

"My kimono?" you asked, unable to help the smile that made it's way up your face when you saw how the woman looked amazed at the light-blue kimono you were wearing, gorgeous patterns of snowflakes embroiding it.

"I'm sorry to tell you but I didn't buy this. It was a handmade gift from my fami-...from my partner."

You had to quickly stop yourself from mentioning the word "familiar" in front of a human since she wouldn't know and shouldn't know either.

"Ah, really? That's a pity. You must be really happy though to have a lover who spends so much time sewing such a dazzling kimono for you." she sighed almost longingly, causing a laugh to spill from your lips. "Well, I am happy. He's really attentive and tries everything for me, including things he isn't good at. Embroidery and sewing are a few things he wasn't very good at at first so I treasure this very much." you replied, smoothing your hands over the silky fabric.

"Sounds like you found yourself a dream man. Is it possible that all the sweet stuff is for him?"

A wise observation from this human woman, one you wouldn't deny.

"Indeed. He has a bit of a sweet tooth." you answered. "In that case, take this with you. It's on me." the shop owner replied before handing you another packet of ice cream, one you had initially thought was sold out.

"Are you sure?" you asked a bit stunned, looking at her whilst holding the cold package in your hands. "Yes, yes. Please take it. I insist. It's somewhat of a limited edition so make sure to feed it to your lover." she replied slightly grinning.

"Thank you very much." you said gratefully, bowing your head lightly before taking the bag and leavind, returning the wave the woman did. "Please come soon again! And try to bring this lovely boyfriend of yours with you the next time!" You chuckled slightly when you heard her words. What a enthusiastic and nice human she was.

You weren't sure whether or not you should take Mizuki into a big town such as Tokyo though. He had lived so long in his shrine before you came, you were worried that he might be overwhelmed with a buzzling and big place like this. You personally valued the serenity of the Yonomori shrine over Tokyo but it was nice once every while to mingle under the humans.

"This should be far away enough." you mumbled softly to yourself when you reached the stairs that led to the shrine of another god, no human in sight.

A icy gust passed through the tree, contrasting strongly with the summer weather as a small cloud started forming under your feet, lifting you up. Snowflakes were trickling softly down as you were lifted up in the air, flying back to your shrine.

...

You couldn't help the smile when you flew over the river, seeing the newer, albeit smaller, shrine that had been built near the bank of the river. It was for you a sign that you were doing a good job as the new kami of the shrine Mizuki treasured so much. You still lived with your familiar in the submerged shrine from his previous god though as you hadn't wanted to force him to leave a place that held so much memories for him. You drove slowly down near the surface of the water, gently diving your fingertips in. The moment you made contact with the river, the water started parting a bit, allowing you to go inside. You quickly jumped down, the cloud dispelling the moment you left it.

You were floating down, landing softly on the ground when you finally reached the bottom. You were walking in a quick tempo back to the shrine, giddy to surprise Mizuki with all his favorite food. You hadn't told him that you were leaving as you had wanted to surprise him, combined with the fact that you wanted to take slow steps with him. Throwing him into a city like Tokyo right away might be a bit too much.

You were in a good mood until the shrine came into your view and you started hearing distinct shouting and crying. The air felt tenser now, not as harmonious and peaceful as it had been when you had left. You started running the moment you recognized Mizuki's voice being the one who you were hearing.

When you got near the entrance, you saw one of th spirits cowering there. You sank down on your knees, taking them gently into your arms to help their shaking.

"What happened?" you asked, trying to hide any sign of concern in order to give them a sense of stability.

"M-master (y/n)!" the little thing exclaimed happily and relieved, "It's terrible! When Mizuki couldn't find you, he started losing it! We've been doing our best to keep him from leaving the shrine but-but he was so scary!"

Was this your fault? You couldn't help the question rising to your head as you stood up, caressing the spirit fondly. You had no time to dwell on insecurities, you were the god of this shrine so you had to make sure that everything was under control.

"If you're scared, stay outside until things have cooled down. I'll find your friend and send him to you whilst calming Mizuki down, alright?" you spoke softly. The spirit nodded, anxious eyes looking up at you.

"Please help Mizuki."

"I will."

With those words, you left the bag with the spirit and quickly entered the shrine. You found the other spirit of the shrine in the halls, pressing itself tightly against the wall. You saw one of Mizuki's snake who was right in front of it, staring at it with agitated eyes. Why were his snakes acting like that? Was it because they reacted to the shikigami's outburst of negative emotions?

One swift movement of your hands was enough to blow the snake away from your spirit, an icy gust causing little ice crystals to appear on the little one's skin. The snake on the other hand was frozen solid although you had made sure not to kill it.

"Master (y/n)! Oh, I'm so glad you're here!" the spirit cried out when seeing you. It stormed to you and jumped on you, the poor thing trembling all over it's body.

"Mi-Mizuki is-"

"I know, I've been already informed by your friend. Please go outside and stay with him for a while. Don't enter unless it's been quiet in here for a few minutes." you replied, petting it a few times reassuringly before nudging it gently in the direction of the entrance. It gave you one last look before it quickly made it's way out. You let out a relieved sigh knowing that those two were at least safe and unharmed.

The only one left now was Mizuki.

It wasn't hard to find him, all you had to do was following the heartbreaking cries and whimpers from him that filled you with guilt for not telling him.

He was chanting your name like a madman.

"(y/n)! (y/n)! (y/n)! (y/n)! (y/n)! (y/n)! (y/n)! (y/n)! (y/n)! (y/n)! (y/n)! (y/n)!(y/n)! (y/n)! (y/n)! (y/n)!"

It didn't stop although he choked multiple times on the next sob that clawed it's way out his throat.

You slid open the shoji door with more force than intended, worried for your familiar.

The room was luckily nearly empty because you knew what would have happened to possible decorations otherwise judging from the few broken bowls on the ground. Mizuki was standing in between the shards, seemingly numb to the fact that he was stepping into the broken pieces which were cutting into his feet. You could see a trail of blood on the ground as Mizuki was pacing back and forth.

He stopped when he heard the noise of the sliding door, neck turning back so unbelievably fast that you were for a split second concerned if it was possible to break a neck by snapping it around too quickly. When you saw his bloodshot eyes and his cheeks, red and stained with tears, it felt like someone had plunged a sharp needle into your heart.

"Mizuki!" you called as your body was moving inside the room with fastened steps. Mizuki on the other hand bursted out into a new wave of tears as he made one big jump and crashed into you.

“Mizuki. You’re hurt.” you spoke as you went down on your knees, pressing him gently against your chest and taking him with you so no broken glass pieces would embed themselves deeper into his skin.

Mizuki on the other hand was clutching onto you distraught, long arms wrapped tightly around you and his head pressed against the crook of your neck. Tears were freely flowing down his face, staining your skin and kimono. He was shaking terribly, his breath quickened and his heart drumming harshly against his chest.

“(y/n). My (y/n). My god.” he was stuttering out in between his sobs like a broken record, taking deep and shaky breaths to take in as much of your scent as possible. He loved your scent so much. It smelled like a clear, fresh and cold, yet pleasantly cold, winter day with a tinge of sweetness.

“Mizuki. It’s fine now. I’m here. Focus just on me and my voice.” you whispered softly, running one of your hands through his white hair and pressing soft kisses against his temple and ear shell whilst continuing to murmur in a soft tone calmingly to him.

You knew that this was the best you could do as of now, holding him tightly against you and reassuring him.

You noticed the two spirits peeking in after a while, checking if everything was fine.

“You two. Please bring me a bowl of water, a rag and bandages.” you told them and signaled with your head to leave you two alone when you noticed Mizuki stirring up inside your arms when noticing the intrusion. You only caught a glimpse of his green eyes, pupils only visible as slits as he was staring dangerously at the two. You were glad they hadn’t seen his gaze. Your familiar decided to quickly forget about those two when you were calling his name softly again, pressing his head against your chest this time. You put your chin carefully on top of his, still stroking his soft hair gently.

When you saw that the two little spirits had bought you your requested items, your body moved up. Or tried to at least before it was pulled back down by Mizuki who let out a panicked cry when you tried to move away from him.

“Mizuki. You’re wounded. I just want to tend to your cuts. I won’t leave, don’t worry. I’ll stay right here. You can still see me and touch me. Please let me bandage your wounds otherwise I’m going to feel like I don’t treat you well enough.”

Green eyes were staring shakily up at you, tears still swimming inside those orbs. His grip tightened around you, his stare filled with distrust.

“I promise. Don’t you believe me?” you asked which finally seemed to work. He let cautiously go although one trembling hand was still holding onto your kimono just in case. You could finally move enough though, quietly thanking the two spirits before asking them to leave again when noticing Mizuki’s unnerving glare at them.

You shuffled closer to his feet when both had left, feeling a little bit better when you saw that there were only a few pieces of glass stuck in them.

“W-wait. Let me do this. You might cut yourself.” Mizuki suddenly stuttered out, bending his upper body so he could reach his feet and take out the broken glass. He was stopped by your sudden sterner tone which held the power to control the shikigami.

“No, Mizuki. You will let me do this.”

He instantly stopped and laid back down. A moment later he was curling his upper body enough so that he could lay his head on your lap. You had started picking delicately and carefully out the broken shards and cleaning the blood from the wounds and his feet. When you felt the weight of his head on your thighs, you occasionally caressed his face with the knuckle of your finger.

It was done within a few minutes and you were glad that nothing more serious had happened. You doubted that you could leave him alone already though. He was still shaking and crying and now that you had bandaged his feet, he was quick to crawl up your body to have more body contact with you.

“Where were you?” he hiccuped up between his softer sobs.

“I was out in town, Mizuki. I wanted to buy ice cream for you and thank you for everything you do for me.” you admitted with a sigh, welcoming him once again in your arms.

“Then why didn’t you take me with you?! I was scared. I was so scared when I couldn’t find you.” he cried out, his voice raised out of panic and confusion.

“I…was scared that I’d overwhelm you with the city if I’d take you with me. You haven’t left the shrine in so long, I was worried. I wanted to start slower with you.” you admitted, feeling sorry because your attempt to be considerate had ended in a catastrophe.

He had sat up properly right now, arms still tightly encircled around you as he pressed his forehead against yours. He shook his head when hearing your statement.

“I don’t care about being overwhelmed and the changes during my absence. But (y/n), I’m your familiar! You should take me with you since I’m there to serve and protect you. If I can’t be with you, what am I here for then?”

His voice broke a bit at the end, paining your heart even more. One of your hands cupped his cheek and wiped away the tears spilling out of his green orbs.

“Please take me wherever you go. I don’t care where that is, I just want to be with you. Don’t leave me! Please don’t leave me alone! I’m scared when you’re not by my side.”

You knew that the loneliness after the death of his previous kami was talking out of him, a severe separation anxiety the result of it. You hadn’t expected it to be that bad though.

“Promise! Promise that you’ll take me with you from now on everywhere!” he sobbed terrified when he noticed your silence.

You looked at him before letting another soft sigh out. You were really coddling him too much.

“Alright, Mizuki. I’ll take you from now on with me when I have to leave the shrine.”

“Promised?” he mumbled softly, green eyes staring infatuated at you.

“Promised.”

The moment you promised, he leaned closer to give you a needy kiss.

“Then I swear to make sure that you never forget your promise. I’ll be with you. Always.”

[a-b-riddle]

False Vows: Chapter One

Evelyn

I get why some people give themselves self-inflicted wounds. Maybe it's the masochism that comes along with loving a man like James, but it's euphoric centralizing the internal pain elsewhere. Although, where some used razors or snapping rubber bands against their skin, I let James get underneath mine.

I was his willing victim. I took whatever shred of affection he gave me in the form of fucking me roughly into our mattress, like he was right now. I'll have bruises on my hips tomorrow by the way his fingers dig into my flesh. Scattered love marks with go down my neck and chest leading resorting me to wear make up or even a scarf around the staff. Humiliating, but that was always his goal.

In a few minutes he'll cum, not worrying about whether or not I've climaxed too. Sometimes I do. It feels earth shattering in the moment. But once he pulls himself away after he's done he'll head to the shower and I hear the sound of the shower running, my world shatters again in a completely different and familiar way. He'll spend the next few minute scrubbing the feel of me off of his skin.

James doesn't kiss me. He did about eighteen months ago, but hasn't since. He doesn't hold me after sex or even while we sleep; very visible no man's land between us. He doesn't come to my side of the bed and by now I knew better than go to his.

I have a husband who hates me. It's so painfully obvious I would be a fool to think otherwise. He never fucks me because he wants to. I'm not just something to keep his bed warm. He looks to a certain Carter girl for that. No I have a greater purpose apparently.

The man has been obsessed with getting me pregnant since we got married. It took a while to realize the window for knocking me up was a limited one, he tracked my cycles.

He had the chef prepare meals that would best benefit me hormonally and if I believed for a second it was because he honestly wanted to have a family, the sentiment would be endearing. Instead, it makes me feel like livestock getting ready to be bred. I had to sneak out of the house just to get something that didn't taste like fucking wheatgrass.

It hadn't even worked. Two miscarriages in eighteen months of marriage. After how colder than usual James had acted after the first one, I didn't tell him about the second. I silently mourned the loss of our second child, just as I did the first.

The sound of the shower comes to a stop. It'll take him less than five minutes to dry off, brush his teeth and come to bed.

His hair is still damp, but he was meticulous in making sure not a single square inch of his body was wet. He was sure to rid his body of angry lingering scent I may have had on him even though the room wreaked of sex. His body wasn't marked like I knew mine was. I didn't even need to look at the damage that had been done. James pinned my hands down on the mattress following the time I had dared to scratch his back while lost in ecstasy.

Who knew fucking my husband was the least intimate thing I would ever do with another person?

He scrolls on his phone. Looking at what, I don't know and I don't care. Suddenly, the feel of his so close and so far is too much. Almost two years of this is suddenly too fucking much. I had planned to do this earlier, having prepared a long and thought out speech on why this was for the best. I'd tell him over dinner.

But he didn't show up. His food that Maria had set out had turned cold. He came two hours later. A meeting ran late. I wish he wouldn't lie. I already knew he was fucking other women. He didn't even deny it when I first confronted him about how the papers ran stories about him and her.  He laughed and told me to stop being ridiculous.

Sounds played from his phone, no doubt he was scrolling through reels or tik tok. Still didn't care. The constant changing of sounds and the constant sound of his breathing slowing down, indicating he would soon be asleep was too much.

I pulled the covers off of me and threw on the oversized shirt he had pulled off of me earlier. My panties had probably slipped on his side of the bed where the usually landed after he all but tore them off my body. I got a pair of old Christmas pajama shorts that I had in what James referred to as my "grubby" clothes. He tried buying clothes two years ago that had me feeling like a beached whale. Even with the weight I lost out into consideration, I still felt disgusting in them. Even more so when James was around and not a single part of me felt beautiful.

Which is why I should have spoken my piece instead of letting him fuck me.

Pathetic.

"Where are you going?" He didn't ask until I headed toward our bedroom door. I looked back at the bed to see he hadn't taken even taken his eyes off of his phone. The screen light reflecting in his terrifyingly beautiful eyes.

Those eyes that I wish for once in our time together wouldn't be filled with so much hate. Did he ever look at me without resentment? Did he even look at me when we had sex?

I thought the next five words would make me choke. "I want a divorce, James."  I shut the door behind me before I could look at his face.

I couldn't bring myself to look at him knowing I would be met with a bemused expression. James had never brought up the prospect of divorce, but he had showed it in so many unsavory ways both in private and public.

Images of James and model, Sharon Carter, were the primary reason I gave up Instagram. Tiktok was more tame, but it didn't help when tabloids loved the story about a philandering billionaire and his recluse heiress of a wife.

Eventually, it got so bad I had to stop going out in public. The gnawing shame I felt every time someone side-eyed me standing next to James as if I didn't belong there. They were always right.

I slept in the guest room down the hall. James never followed.

...

I didn't cry myself to sleep like I thought I would, mourning over my complete failure as a wife. Instead I didn't feel anything. Not sadness or remorse at my words. Not even anger for everything James and his family had put me through. Hell, not even numbness.

My first thought wasn't even a replay of last night's events. I thought about my impending deadline. I needed to check my e-mails and get ready to print out the copies of my latest book to those I selected to get ARCs. Fuck I needed an assistant.

But anytime I thought about it I thought about my anonymity being ruined. No. I didn't have a job outside of writing. I could do the work. My work didn't merit difficult enough to need an assistant anyway.

"Mrs. Evelyn." I heard Maria's voice on the other side of the door. Evelyn. Not Mrs. Barnes. James was sure to correct the staff anytime they said otherwise. I didn't care. I would have preferred if they just called me Evelyn. "Will you be taking breakfast downstairs with Mr. Barnes?"

The question gave me the same shock as if she had just dumped cold water on the bed. It's 9:30. What the fuck was James still doing home on a Monday?

I didn't bother returning to the master bedroom to freshen up. Nothing I do would have been good enough. I could have my hair curled and a full face of makeup and James would find something to criticize.

I tried to steady my heart as I went past Maria and headed downstairs. There was no way James would stay home unless something had happened. No. She was wrong. James probably had ran late and was running out the door and assumed he would stick around for breakfast.

But

He's home.

James Barnes enjoys missing work as much as I like going to the dentist. The man is more married to his job than me. So seeing him shirtless wearing nothing but a pair of joggers was surprising to say the least.

"You're home." I said as my eyes tried to refrain from soaking in his god-like body. Fuck, it wasn't fair for someone to be that attractive.

"I do live here." He said, not taking his eyes off his phone. "My first meeting isn't until 2 so I figured we could discuss whatever the fuck that was last night." His eyes flickered to mine. "You and I both know there is only one way out of this marriage."

"Death?" The sarcasm leeching from mouth surprised both of us. "Because being married to you comes pretty damn close." His cold eyes flashed to me. James had never laid a hand on me, but the man was intimidating. But I stood barefoot in the kitchen, unmoved and not afraid.

"A marriage you wanted, Evelyn." His hateful gaze narrowed at me and it was like he was trying to imagine me bursting into flames on the spot. "Or have you forgotten your vows?"

"You obviously have." I shot back. "I've stopped guessing which nights you actually have business to attend to and the nights you're fucking Sharon Carter." I went to pass him, headed toward the fridge to heat up whatever speciality meal the chef had prepared for today when he reached out and gripped my arm.

Hard.

His voice was low and threatening as he warned me not to mention Sharon to him again. Okay. Now a little afraid. "Let go of me." I ordered, my voice surprisingly unwavering. His grip didn't loosen. "You're hurting me." I bit, but didn't flinch from the feeling of his fingers digging into my arm. More bruises courtesy of James Barnes although these were far less pleasant.

It only took James eighteen months of a loveless marriage to hurt me. Physically at least. He released my arm. "Do your job, have a baby and we can both go our own separate ways." He downed the rest of his coffee "Those are the terms, in case you've forgotten them."

We never had terms in regard to our marriage. To love and honor, sickness and health and all that bullshit was there. All things he failed to do. But suddenly having a kid was that important to him. Did this fuck head not realize having a kid was pointless when it meant tying you to someone he hated for the rest of his life?

"I have a business dinner tonight." He said standing up, leaving his empty mug on the counter before heading out of the "Don't wait up."

He was out before I could tell him that he and his terms could fuck off. I didn't need his permission to leave this marriage.

Fuck. Him.

[honestly-oceanie]

YOU PUT ME ON AND SAID I WAS YOU FAVORITE || soft bois edition pt. 2

Synopsis: You draw something(s) on their arm/wrist/hand

《Ijekiel Alpheus, Felix Robane, Isis de Elmir, Erden Astar Halstead, Erudian Lu Soledo Belgoat, Cassian Eckard, Felix Chamberlain, Anakin, Zachary de Arno, Kiyu Ahn | gn! reader》

{Fluff♡ | ▪︎imagine/scenario▪︎}

A/N: here's part 2 cause there's image limit😑. So I decided to remove 'Eli' cause I feel like I'm going to be redundant and I don't like that.

Into The Light, Once Again

Isis de Elmir

"Crown Prince of Elmir Empire"

🦋 It would definitely happen during his break. I mean he's the Crown Prince so yeah he's pretty busy.

🦋 You were both just sitting on the drawing room, silence over taking you. You started to feel anxious, you didn't want to bore the Crown Prince to death, today he has a break and he should definitely spend it wisely not just sitting here with you doing nothing.

🦋 He noticed you were so unusually quiet and decided to take matters in his own hands.

🦋 While you were drowning on your own thoughts, Isis picked up a pen and called out to you. Yes he was the one who ask not you

"(Name), can you give me your hand?"

🦋 You just obliged, curious to see what he was up to. Then all if a sudden he started drawing on your hand, you were very surprise at first. I mean, the Crown Prince doing something like this is already surprising.

🦋 After a while, you started to relax and enjoy what the Isis was doing to you, your eyelids fluttering until it finally close.

🦋 When he'd finished, he turn to you and was about to ask you to do the same to him so you'll be even, he found you fast asleep. The sight in front of him made him smile.

" *sigh* What did I told you about overthinking again (Name)."

Seduce The Villain's Father

Erudian Lu Soledo Belgoat

"Emperor of Belgoat Empire"

🦋 *every ml's on fanfiction*

🦋 Ah yes, from Crown Prince to Emperor, this man is even more busy. Tho Idk how he could be a freelancer in the manhwa.

🦋 It happened because you were pestering him in his office whilst he was busy with his paperworks.

"Come on! You deserve some break, stop that for a meanwhile."

🦋 He only give in because you just wouldn't stop. When he put down his pen, you suddenly got an idea.

"Ru, give me your hand!"

🦋 He obliged without questions then you started drawing on his (hand or wrist). He was very amused then chuckled.

"What is this for?"

"Nothing! Just wanted to do it."

🦋 He just let you do as you pleased. He won't admit it but he liked it too. Would definitely tease you about your "artisticness".

Once Married

Cassian Eckard

"The Monstrous Duke of the East"

🦋 This man is willing to do ANYTHING for you!

🦋 He can say one thing for sure and that is: his heart is completely for you😉

🦋 Now back to the topic. He'd of course want to try some things with his wife and he'll partake in any request you ask of him. For him it doesn't matter whether it is small or not. Anything that has to do with his wife IS. A. BIG. IMPORTANT. DEAL.

🦋 even if its just small things such as this, he takes them rather too serious.

"I—Cassian, it's not really that big of a deal you don't have to take it seriousl–"

"Yes, I must. Now what may I do for you, my wife."

"...."

🦋 Although you only meant for this to become a little fun activity because of your husband's stiffness and seriousness, you put your guard up, constantly looking at his face for some indifferent reaction.

🦋 After a while, you both finally chill and relaxed with each other, realizing how silly you two were just a few minutes ago😆.

🦋 idk but ig I just liked his puppy demeanor😅 eventhough it only appears shortly. This kinds is my type of guy.

-honestly, Oceanie-

[sio-writes]

A Botanist's Guide: Chapter 11

<< Chapter 10

<< Chapter 1

Tags for this chapter (spoilers ahead): This chapter is nsfw, and contains vaginal sex

The week brings zero resolution, and zero answers. The constant onslaught of nothingness and boring procedure has kept me in a state of limbo, between wanting to ask and being afraid of the answer. And in either situation, the milestone and whatever the fuck is happening with Kri, it's driving me crazy. My leg keeps bouncing up and down as my brain tries to spread out the extra energy. I keep thinking of what could go wrong-- what will go wrong-- in the days leading up to the review. 

The results from the presentation are due back any day now, and I haven't heard anything. Sometimes that's a good thing, like hearing your name called last and you win the regional award for best baking soda volcano at the science fair. But in my experience here, no news is bad news. It means they're mulling it over, that I didn't do as well as I thought I did. Maybe all those jokes and pats on the back from the board were meant to soften the blow. Maybe I celebrated too early.

Jillie's hand on my shoulder makes me jump, dropping the pH scale on the floor.

"Are you alright?" she asks, her perfect eyebrows pulled down in concern as she bends down to pick the scale up and hand it to me.

I'd been spacing out-- again. It's been happening all week, and no matter what I do, I just can't get it together. There's too many thoughts trying to take up the limited space in my brain, with so many of them revolving around the single presence in the room that I can't ignore.

Kri has returned to his auditing routine, but only shows up when it's mandatory, now once a week. The time we all spend together has been cut to a fraction of what it was, leaving just enough room for him to bicker with me over the water and nothing else.

I should be glad for it-- he's putting distance between us like I wanted, he's back to his super professional self instead of the curious, sarcastic, blindingly earnest alien I wanted to know better. But maybe it's for the best. After thinking it over, his hesitance at coming into my apartment was a refusal, no matter what cultural lens it's seen through. A rejection, clear as day. And I'm trying not to focus on it too much, I'm really not, but it's hard when the guy is sitting fifteen feet away from me.

I allow my scattered thoughts a brief reprieve, and sigh heavily before patching it over with a limp smile. "Nervous."

She pats me on the shoulder. "About what? You knocked it out of the park."

I chew on my nail because my bottom lip is bleeding from biting at it all day. I can't ask Kri, because he's not talking to me. I thought he was being professional for the presentation, but his aloofness has extended into the week. He probably wouldn't tell me anyway, but at least he'd explain why instead of looking at me like I'm a stray mark on his stupid clipboard.

Thinking about anything for too long puts me in a spiral, but I don't know any other method to deal with it other than let it play out in my brain until I have a panic attack. My thoughts, my emotions, they all feel too big for my head, and letting them overflow like a stupid baking soda volcano is what it takes to sort things out. I won't have any answers, but it would stop my leg from bouncing up and down for three hours straight.

Jillie pats my shoulder and turns back to her laptop, and I hazard a glance at Kri across the room. He's deep in something on his clipboard, but that alien-sixth sense must've kicked in because he immediately stops writing and glances up at me.

This crush hasn't gotten any better, to put it mildly. Even when he's acting like the coldest of the cold, he's still considerate. Taking time to leave quietly, never raising his voice, things that seem to be constants no matter whether he's pissed at me or not. The few times we've gotten in each other's face he still radiates warmth, he still smells like fresh water, crisp and clean. Jillie's presence is keeping me grounded, keeping me from hopping into his lap while I twirl a piece of my hair around my finger. I'd gladly suffer in silence for the rest of the year if I could have the Kri that helped me grow plants back.

Kri raises his brow at me, annoyance clear on his face. "Yes?"

Caught, my cheeks burn as I shake my head. "Nothing," and I turn back to the planters.

The relaxation celebration from last week has burnt out of my system, leaving in its place a sour, empty feeling that liquid anxiety likes to fill in.

I'm not glad for this…whatever our friendship has evolved into now. It's like the beginning all over again, like he hit the reset button on his personality and left the rest of us to figure it out. I've even been messing up on purpose. Nothing that would hurt the plants, they're delicate enough as is, but enough that would usually make him stare at me oddly, or mention I was doing it wrong, something that told me that he was paying attention and would start an argument.

Instead, he just glanced at my hands, shook his head, and noted it on his board. 

I want to tear my hair out. I know what I did wrong, inviting him to my house was a mistake, but is that really cause to shut us all out completely? He and Jillie were just getting the hang of speaking to each other, and me and my big mouth had to go and ruin it. Maybe he never changed to begin with, if his commentary on my clothing is anything to go by. To think I could have offended him that badly is a thorn in my side. That the idea of being with me made him take a look at our friendship and tear it to pieces? 

Even so, every time we make eye contact, the words are just underneath my tongue, so close I have te clench my jaw around what my heart desperately wants to scream out. A confession, loud and clear, like the movies-- "You can have me, body and soul," and then I sweep all the (very, very expensive) lab equipment off the table and strike a sexy pose that has him on his knees and everything is okay, it's all gonna work out fine. And then I get my milestone results back and the board is so impressed they decide to give me two greenhouses instead of a communal one.

Yeah, right. I'll suffer alone, thanks.

We all spend the rest of the work day in silence, the speakers from my mp3 Player useless against the litany of emotions crashing against my mind like a pissed off ocean current. But I have work to do, and I'm going to do it well. Now isn't the time to be caught up in petty disputes, no matter how important I feel they are.

A lot gets done, but I'm not satisfied as we close up the lab. In fact, I want to fall into another drink. Kri is long gone, having packed up his shit almost in a hurry before stepping out, leaving Jillie and I on our own. It's like old times, just the two of us as we wander the halls back to the cafeteria for dinner.

I grab food through sheer muscle memory-- an orange, a sandwich, some chips and a drink, knowing full well that I need to eat it, but with zero desire. My appetite is gone, my stomach is in so many knots I was lucky to get a smoothie down at lunch.

I don't say much, and Jillie seems as exhausted as I am as we find an unoccupied booth and slide in. The lack of work and distractions leaves space for my mind to wander like I'd been pushing off all day. 

I could be mad at so many things, and I feel my anger like a rolling thunderstorm as I take a pointed bite of sandwich. It's pushing past the other emotions, making itself present, unavoidable.

The sandwich is bland, and tastes like soap as I chew angrily.

What the fuck was in his audit-- I mean really, notes on my outfits? What the hell, Kri? And why is he suddenly acting like the past month hasn't happened? I know it did, and I know I fucked up, but isn't it a common courtesy to explain these things? We're both adults, I can handle rejection, but it he's going about it in such a juvenile way. I need to know, in no uncertain terms, that he wants nothing to do with me anymore. Then I can sigh, maybe cry a little, and fucking move on with my life.

I thought we had something. Clearly I was wrong, but I thought we could stay friends at the very least. That would be the adult thing to do, but he's been acting like a child. Pissing me off.

Jillie sits up suddenly, patting her pockets, and her face drops. "Oh, shit."

I'm pulled out of my whirlpool of self-pity. "What's up?"

She grimaces. "Could I ask a huge favor?"

I raise my eyebrows, indicating she should go on.

"I think I left the oxygenator on for the last planters." She grimaces, patting over her pockets again. "And my keys in the lab."

Jillie doesn't usually make mistakes like that. It must be a weird day for everyone. 

"I got it," I say, pushing away from the table, wanting to feel useful at least once today. I grab the mandarin orange from my tray and start to peel it as I head towards the door, hoping the smell will activate my stomach.

"You're the best!" Jillie says over my shoulder, and I flip her off as I walk away.

I head towards the lab, grumbling to myself the whole way. It's not a far walk, but I'm working myself into an angry tizzy by the time I slap my key card to the door and it slides open.

Yep, the oxygenator is still on. I click it off and the room falls silent

Jillie's desk is organized, which is strange, but I can't find the key in any drawer, no matter how many times I open them. I move to the countertop that lines the wall, sorting through the mess of papers, plastic pipettes and junk food wrappers. God, we need to have a cleaning day in here.

I'm sorting for another few minutes when I hear Jillie's footsteps come in behind me.

"Sorry, Jills," I start to say as I straighten, and then I stop. It's not Jillie. Kri is peering into a shelf on the opposite wall. 

I frown. "You're not Jillie."

Kri turns his head to face me, looks down at himself, then back to me. "No, I suppose I'm not."

I roll my eyes. "What're you doing here?"

"Picking up the last of my things, apparently." Kri says, his tone clipped like just talking to me is an inconvenience. "I am missing a notation board, and I believe I left it somewhere…" He trails off, switching from searching the shelf to my desk, and I'm struck by the image of our first meeting when he did the exact same thing.

"Hey--! Get out!" Jillie's keys forgotten, I stomp over and pull his arms away from the drawers. Kri doesn't budge, instead tearing himself away from my grip and walking back to the shelf he already checked. Shame burns through me, bright and heated, and I have to clamp my mouth around the words it wants to say.

"Why're you acting like this?!"

Kri sighs, weary, and folds his arms over his chest. "Professional? We are coworkers, as you say."

"This isn't professional! You're back to--" I wave my hands around as if that'll convey what I want to say. "Like when we started out." I start tossing garbage to the ground, hoping to find Jillie's stupid keys so I can leave. "Look, I know I pissed you off--"

"You've never angered me."

My hands close around Jillie's lanyard and I rip it from it's hiding place. I shake the small plastic card at him as I stomp towards the door. "Don't! Lie to me!"

"And I have never lied to you."

"Withholding the truth is still lying!!" 

"Respectfully, I think--"

"Shut up! Shut! Up! Don't you ever stop talking?!" I smash the buttons for the door--wrong code, shaky fingers-- once more, right code. The door almost opens but stops halfway before sliding back. Oh, you've got to be-- I punch the code again. "And what else have you lied to me about, huh?! What else could possibly--" The door cuts me off with a droning buzz, and a strip of lights in the ceiling go red before it shutters closed.

Well, fuck.

"No no no--" the door buzzes, shuddering as it attempts to open, fails, and falls still. I run my hands over my head and pull on the ends of my hair. "Fuck!"

I smack the "Open" button again. The door jolts, there's the sound of creaking metal, and the resounding buzz of an error message. The door flashes red, and I smack it with my open palm.

Vigorously pressing the button only loops the buzz of the error message, and I hold back a scream.

I gesture to the door. "You're strong, can't you…?"

Kri stares at me for a second, expression blank before his eyes roll dramatically. He sets his hands to the door, all four of them, and heaves his shoulders. Once, then again. The door doesn't even shudder.

I hear Jillie's voice on the other side, "Cass?"

"Jill--!"

"You were taking too long! I came to find you." and she says something else, but the door shudders again and the creaking metal drowns her out. "Sit tight, I'm gonna grab maintenance, okay?"

"Great, just fucking perfect." I start to pace the room. "Of all the people to get stuck with--!" I smack the keypad for the door again, and it responds with the same error beep. Why today? Why now? Things were just starting to flow in the lab again until--

I groan, pulling at my hair. "She set us up! Now I'm stuck in here with you! Why would she do this to me?" I groan and slap the door again. It doesn't help me feel any better and the metal hurts my hand.

Kri steps back and leans against my desk, his arms crossed tightly over his frame. He's not looking at me and-- oh, right, I told him to shut up. Just because the guy is stoic doesn't mean he's emotionless.

I self-consciously rub my arm. "Sorry, I shouldn't have told you to shut up."

Kri looks at me, his expression calculating, before he sighs. "I don't believe she acted alone."

I glare at him. "What do you mean?"

He shrugs. "I asked Ari to deliver my things to my home, they likely colluded with Dr. Masters to get us in here."

I groan. "Perfect, that's just fucking perfect. Stuck in here with you."

I feel it coming, a panic attack, like the shore emptying out before a tsunami. First the presentation, then learning I accidentally invited him into my bed, and now this? It's overwhelming, it's too much. For fucks' sake I don't ask for much, all I want is answers!

I press a hand to my tightening chest, my breathing picking up and my heart starting to race. Yep, there's the panic. 

Kri's voice is tight when he says, "You've mentioned that," before ke kicks off my desk and continues his search. Is he serious?

I plant my hands on my hips. "Why are you ignoring me?"

Kri sighs. "I am searching for my board."

"It's not in here, you idiot!"

Kri heaves a larger sigh, annoyed. "Dr. Rowland, is this really conductive to--"

"Cassie! My name is Cassie! Cassandra! Or are we not friends anymore?! Were we even friends to begin with? Or is that something else you've lied to me about?!"

We're gonna be stuck in here for a while. Maintenance is on the opposite side of the building, and they take their sweet ass time going anywhere. We could be in here for over an hour. I could be stuck with him for over an hour. I bend over, hands on my knees, and try to gulp down air.

Kri rests a hand on my shoulder, and I wrench away from him. I need something to focus on so the attack doesn't start up again.

"Look, I know I fucked up asking you into my house, but that's no reason to be a dick!"

His brow furrows, and he walks to the countertop, putting space between us. "What're you talking about?"

I take a deep breath, something to steady myself within this rising storm. The panic is ebbing, slowly but surely with each breath, but on it's heels comes a flush of embarrassment. "I know what it means, I'm not an idiot!"

He goes tense, his shoulders set back, his hands gripping the countertop behind him. "You knew?"

"Well, I didn't then! But I do now! And I'm sorry that I fucked with your delicate sensibilities! Because I know it's a fucking travesty to imagine yourself with me but that's no excuse to treat me like shit!"

"Is that what you think?" And oh, he's angry now, his voice is deep and dangerous and it's doing things to my head that I can't begin to process because I'm still set on being angry.

My panic is gone, replaced with something that burns in my chest, trying to claw its way out. "Yes! I know it! Because you don't have feelings for me the way I do!"

The world goes silent.

I didn't mean to say that, I really shouldn't have opened my mouth. My face is on fire, but I can't take it back. It's out there now, if it wasn't obvious before. My brain is screaming, my heart is pounding, the room is too warm and I feel like I'm going to throw up.

And for once Kri seems at a loss for words. Like I’ve stunned him. He's not saying anything, but I can make up for that.

“Every fucking time when--it's--“ the words catch in my throat and my voice pitches up. It feels like I'm clawing out my throat. “It's not the same, that's fine and-- I can keep going. But I thought maybe-- I thought we were okay! I thought we could at least stay friends! But if you don't feel the same you could at least tell me or--"

Kri is on me in half a second, hands on my face to keep me still as he presses our lips together, and what I meant to say instantly crumbles to dust in my mouth.

I smell rain; fresh dirt and rain, sharp and crisp. He's soft around the lips, and so warm. His hands are on my face, cupping me gently but with purpose, and I wish my hands would do something other than hover uselessly in the air because I want to grab. I want to touch. I want to sink into the comfort he's offering.

And then it's over. He pulls back, just enough to whisper against my lips, "How could I not want you?" 

My heart flutters and-- No, no, absolutely not! I'm still pissed off! He can't just kiss me and make it all better and-- He leans in and kisses me again. It's just as good as the first, if not better because it's the second time and we may even kiss a third. 

This feels like whiplash, and I should be upset at the back and forth, the push and pull of a stupid man trying to come to terms with his feelings. But right now, as his arms go around my waist, I just melt, my brain turning to mush. Because he feels the same. 

Maybe that sexy pose idea would've worked after all.

I'm the one to pull away this time, if only to catch my breath. I murmur, "You're infuriating."

Kri looks like I slapped him. "I apologize, I--"

"Shut up," I breathe, pulling his face back in and kissing him a third time. My eyes flutter shut, and Kri's hands cup my jaw. We slot together like we were made for each other. 

I'm so relieved, so glad, relaxing into his chest and winding my arms around his neck. What a way to find out the feeling was mutual. I hate that we had to be forced into this situation, but I'll let Jillie slide this time, just because I'm thankful. 

I have to pull away to breathe. The moment lapses, and I feel a twinge of hysteria bubble up in my chest. "So you're not rejecting me--?"

His responding laugh is sharp. "Never."

I tilt my head into another kiss, opening my mouth on a soft groan as Kri slips his tongue between my lips. I wrap my arms over his neck, and the plating under my hands is soft. My fingers map the edges as they overlap, memorizing the small divots of his glow-channels as they trace around his wings. I idly draw my finger over the divot and Kri shivers, his groan vibrating through his chest. The sound drips heat through my nether regions that I affect him so easily, and I want to know what else makes him shudder, what makes him moan. I wonder if he wants the same for me.

"I can't believe you," I say between one kiss and the next. "Holding out on me like this." 

Kri finally leans back, taking a moment to look over my face. "Allow me to make it up to you," he says, his thumb brushing over my cheek. His eyes are lidded, hazed over and soft. I swallow past a lump in my throat and welcome him into my mouth as he leans forward to kiss me again because neither of us can get enough of it. 

Kri leads me backwards, his tongue rubbing against mine in small thrusts as the fingers on my waist begin to poke underneath my shirt, that simple brushing of skin making my muscles jump. I have to let go of his neck to shuck my lab coat, and I step over it just as my back hits the wall. 

The cold demeanor he's been wearing all week is gone, melted away by his own warm hands cradling the back of my head so it doesn't hit the wall. The familiar, confident being with gentle touch is back, exploring under my shirt, grabbing my ass through my jeans. 

Cornered in like this, I'm acutely aware of his height, his size, blocking me in like I'm not allowed to leave. I push up onto my toes and wrap my arms around his neck, only feeling the hands on my thighs at the last second as Kri picks me up and sets me against the wall.

And oh, this is nice. I've never been picked up like this, and the position does something to my head. The height, the hands under my thighs holding me up and the gentle way they squeeze, almost as if in appreciation.

My legs go around his waist, the shift making me taller than Kri, so he pushes up into the kiss, his tongue running sensually along mine before he pulls away. He presses his lips to my neck, parting for that hot tongue against my skin, and I gasp against it, arousal pooling between my legs.

My jeans are too tight, my t-shirt too hot. So I pull my arms back and throw my shirt to the floor, my bra quick behind it. I expect the air to be cold, it always is, it's why I wear long jeans in the lab even through summer, but Kri radiates warmth. 

"There's a perfectly good countertop over there," I say between kisses, gesturing with a hand to the general idea of the countertop.

"But I am right here. And," his wings flutter, and he presses his face into my neck. "I confess this has been a prevalent fantasy of mine."

My eyebrows shoot up in pleasant surprise. "Oh," I say, and a smile, unbidden, finds its way across my face. "Was this fantasy also inside the lab?"

Another wing flutter, then, "If you would prefer that I--"

"No no, this is good. This is…" His teeth bite into my shoulder, and I inhale sharply. "This is perfect."

Curious hands sneak up my shirt, pushing it up around my waist, and my clothes are too scratchy, too restricting. The urge to strip, to be bare and feel Kri against my naked skin, it moves behind my ribcage like a snake, has me arching into him so my sensitive nipples brush his soft matte plating. The hard line of his cock, covered in plating at the moment, brushes the bottom of my thigh. His tongue swipes along the skin over my collarbone, the combined sensations pulling a small sound of pleasure from me and making my arms go right back around his neck.

The hot point of his long tongue over my skin makes me break out in goosebumps as he tastes me. He moves down, over my breasts, pulling a nipple into his mouth with a sensual lick over the tip that has my toes curling in my boots.

He focuses his mouth on the one, teasing the other with a small, tortuous movements of his fingers, pulling sound after sound from me like he's playing an instrument. I forget if ento are into oral at all, but by god do I want to find out.

I'm dizzy with arousal as he licks into my mouth again. Kri kisses me like he can't get enough, like I'm going to disappear if his lips stop touching mine. It's hypnotic, I've never felt this intoxicated by one person.

He pulls away to rest his forehead against mine. "Can I fuck you?"

I did not expect him to ask so directly, and I did not expect to find it so hot. I squeak instead of responding, and he chuckles, the sound low and erotic. 

The fingers digging into my ass squeeze. "Please," he murmurs into my skin, his breath huffing onto my chest. 

I clench my fingers and clear my throat to find my voice. If I was turned on before, I'm soaked now. 

"That--that sounds great." Not the sexiest response in the world, but fuck it, if it gets Kri inside me I'll say what I have to.

He starts to work open my jeans, pulling them down over my hips and taking my underwear with them. He makes to set me down, but the idea of being completely naked in my own laboratory is too much. Too intimate with the alien in front of me, at least right now. So I squeeze my legs around his waist and he takes the hint, hoisting me back up, keeping my jeans mid-way down my thighs. 

My anxiety creeps in, here to ruin the mood. "What if they fix the door?" 

Kri nips at my skin. "We'd better hurry up then," and he sounds far too confident, too level-headed for how taken apart I feel. 

One of his hands moves off my body, reaching below and inwards towards his pelvis. Something shifts with a wet noise, like lube out of a bottle, and Kri sighs out, resting his weight into me. 

I try to lean over, just to see what I'm working with, but as steady as Kri's hands are keeping me, I don't trust myself not to overcorrect and bust my ass on the tile. The scientific portion of my brain wants to see, to examine and study. We got a brief overview of ento anatomy before landing, but that was three years ago. Besides, each human dick is slightly different, the same should apply for ento dick. And I really, really want to see Kri's. 

But the crotch of my jeans are in the way, and Kri's fingers tweaking my nipple are distracting, and I'm more turned on than I have been in years-- including when I was with Stephen. So looking can wait. 

I pull Kri in by the neck, burying my face in the slope where it meets his shoulder, and holding tight. The heat simmering beneath my skin has turned into a broil. I need to forget about everything else, I need to focus on what's here and now. I need him. 

Kri adjusts himself beneath me, shifting my hips in his grasp, and-- I feel his cock at my entrance. It's hot, hotter than the rest of him, and slick as he drags it up to my throbbing clit, although that slickness may just be me. 

That slight brush over my clit sends a jolt of sensation up my spine, and I want him to do it again, over and over. But he runs it down the center again, positioning his cock head-- if he has one-- at my core, and knocks his head against my temple. 

"Tell me if it is too much." 

My mouth opens on a cheeky retort, but it's ripped away when he pushes in, instead coming out as a moan, open-mouthed against his plating, my fingers digging in as I feel ridges and a distinct curvature that pushes deliciously along my walls. He's big, no surprise there, but I wasn't prepared for how full it would make me feel, how as his hips sit against my ass, I feel like I'm being split open. 

Kri sighs out next to my ear as he bottoms out, and I crook my elbow to wrap a hand around his head. "You okay over there?" 

"I'm not going to last," he replies, sounding absolutely wrecked. Even as he takes another breath, his cock twitches inside me, sending a spiraling heat through my abdomen. 

Still, I pat his head, placating. "Quit showing off and fuck me."

He doesn't argue, instead taking another steadying breath before he pulls out almost completely and thrusts back in, starting with a slow pace that helps me adjust to the sheer size of him. It starts as a stretch, which turns into a burn, which dissolves into a bone-deep ache for more, which Kri happily obliges by canting his hips forward and pressing me into the wall.

My soft, feminine panting turns into open-mouthed moans as the curved end of his cock brushes my G-spot on every thrust, making me dizzy with arousal and my clit ache to be touched. I don't care how I sound, I don't care if the whole building can hear me, I only need Kri to know how good he's making me feel.

One of Kri's hands wraps around my jaw, his fingers splaying over my hair as he presses his lips to my neck and licks a slow line up to my ear. The other hand travels-- teasing my hardened nipples, walking over my stomach and thighs, not trying to evoke any response, but feeling just because he can. He squeezes my waist when I moan his name, responding with an equally wrecked sound and slamming me down onto his hard cock.

"I'm very close," Kri breathes into my shoulder. "Do you want me to--"

"No," I shake my head and press a heated kiss to his temple, locking my legs around his waist. "Please, stay."

He moans a short sound into my shoulder, the hands on my ass squeezing as his wings flutter over my feet. "Whatever you want."

I'm lost to the sensations, lost within Kri. My spine goes taut and my toes curl inward, I'm so close to coming from this alone, and I want to stop just to draw it all out and do it again. This feels like finding a puzzle piece I didn't know I was missing. Something has slotted in my brain that I didn't realize was off-kilter. Not the sex alone, but the validation. That Kri wanted me as much as I wanted him.

His cock hits a spot inside me that makes my vision white out, and I'm pushed over the edge. My muscles go rigid and I clamp my arms around his head and I think I gasp out his name as I come hard. The world goes silent as I'm flooded by sensation, blossoming out from my spine to the tips of my toes.

As I come down, there's hands petting my hair, over my face, the outsides of my thighs. Kri is mumbling, not in English or even Universal, but in his native tongue. It's a watery, flowing language, interspersed with chirps and rolling R's that sound like he's purring. I don't know what he's saying, but the attention warms my heart.

His hips have stilled, and there's a liquid warmth drawing a line down the cleft of my ass. He must've come right after me, and my chest tightens at the idea that we came together. I've always been a sap for that kind of thing, it feels like an emotional connection.

Kri's hands wind around my middle, up my back to cradle my head as he catches his breath.

My mind is in similar tatters, I'm running on pure instinct, and right now I want to kiss him. So I tap his head with one hand. "Up."

He tilts his head back far enough to give me a perplexed expression, and I take a second to drink in his face. There's no hair to be messed up, but there's little signs. His lips are swollen and parted as he stares at me, his gaze is lidded as it lazily searches my face. The expression behind his black eyes is heated, not the fiery passion of a few moments ago, but a subdued, long-lasting heat that tells me he's not done with me.

I lean forward and capture his lips in my own, and he accommodates me easily. We make no moves to separate from each other, and I like it that way. Kri slips out of me, and I realize too late that he's tucking himself away before I had a chance to see anything, but I can blame it on his very distracting lips against mine. 

Carefully, he lowers me to the floor. My legs are unsteady, but he keeps me pressed against the wall for balance. He helps me back into my jeans, hands careful and even working to rebutton them, all the while not detaching from my lips. I adjust my underwear until it's comfortable, flinching at the wetness trying to escape and tagging this pair of panties as a lost cause. That's okay, I decide

I could do this forever, I could kiss him for another hour and not get tired. But I'm starting to feel the cold of the lab seep into my skin, making me shiver even with his warm body pressed into mine.

I smile against his mouth and pull back, my smile turning to a grin when he chases after me. 

"Come on, I have to put my clothes back on," I say as he starts on my neck. I give him a weak shove that only spurs him on. 

"No you don't," he grumbles. "You humans and your clothing. All it does is get in the way." 

"Think about it this way, you can tear it off." Kri backs off, his expression falling, then rolling through several other emotions as he thinks through the concept. The final wide-eyed, very interested stare he lands on makes me snort into laughter.

I pick up my bra off the floor and pull it on, laughing again at how Kri scuttles behind me to see how the clasps work. 

"So your grand plan to ignore your feelings," I say. "What was it?"

Kri scoffs as he hands me my shirt. "It was rather stupid."

I grab my labcoat, throwing it on before I step to the center countertop and hop onto the ledge, kicking my feet. "Tell me so I can laugh at you."

He sighs, grabbing my hands and interlacing our fingers. "I believed we were getting too…familiar."

I purse my lips. "And you didn't think to let me know instead of just doing a one-eighty?" 

"I was thinking with my emotions, not my head."

"Yeah, well, you're an idiot."

He smirks, pressing a quick kiss to my knuckles. "I am." Another kiss. Kri's eyes scan my face, and he looks wholly content. He cups my cheek with one hand. "Is it crossing a line to tell you I have dreamt of this?"

"Sap," I say, hiding my grin in the collar of my labcoat. "How, uh…How does it compare?" 

Kri gives me a curious look, scanning my face, then gives me a half-smile while tracing a finger down my arm. "My raw data is inconclusive. I require a larger sample size." 

I bat his hand away. "Oh my god." 

"But," he adds, kissing me gently, but still containing enough heat to short circuit my brain. "As far as first impressions go, my imagination has some catching up to do."

I smile at his words, wanting to tuck my face into my coat again. It may just be the post-sex haze talking, but Kri makes me feel so cherished. I could lose hours under his attention. Even outside of sex, he makes me feel special, and a small, quiet part of my brain is telling me that's how Stephen acted too, but I'm too content, too mushy to worry about it right now.

A yawn creeps it's way through me, and I fall against Kri's chest. I hear his heart beating, slow and steady, and when he hums it travels down his chest and into my head.

"Tired?" he asks, running a hand over my hair.

"Don't get smug about it," I grumble, half of my face pressed into his plating.

"Come," he says, gathering me in his arms and lifting me off the counter. My arms go around him immediately, and he sits us both down on the ground. 

Shifting so I'm laying down, I rest my head on his thigh, and his two left arms fall over me, one stroking my shoulder, the other on my waist. It's slow enough, warm enough, that I'm lulled by it, and I yawn again.

"Wake me up in like, ten minutes," I mumble, my eyes already starting to fall shut.

"Of course," Kri says above me, and his voice is the last thing I hear before the world fades to black.

Chapter 12 >>

[gyuphorias]

SVT &&. ROMANCE TROPES

PAIRING — ot13 svt / reader

WORD COUNT — 0.8k+

GENRE &&. WARNINGS — romance, fluff &&. no warnings

FROM THE AUTHOR — as a connoisseur of books, especially contemporary romance, i feel that it is my duty to assign seventeen some of my favorite tropes. (also sorry for being away so long this summer has been ... less than great but we're powering through)

— seungcheol &&. billionaire / ceo

choi seungcheol is the heir to some company or another. you're an emotional companion, a secretary, maybe just a college student with big dreams. maybe he's got conditions to fulfill before he receives his dues: grow up, hold down a steady relationship, prove that he's mature enough to head up a multi billion dollar company.

— jeonghan &&. forced proximity

for as long as you've known yoon jeonghan, you've found him a pain to be around, argumentative and sharp at the edges. even since day one, you longed for the life that was distinctly before jeonghan. you've made a point of keeping your distance until you're forced into a position where you have to spend time with the only man on earth who has ever compelled you to commit a violent crime against another human being.

— joshua &&. best friend's brother

when you were younger, you never really gave a fuck about your best friend's older brother. he was just some guy lurking on the outermost parts of your peripheral, a ghost of your childhood memories. just a few years older than you, he was always expressly off-limits, per the best friend law. after he graduated and left for college, you never thought much of him... until you reconnect later in life.

— jun &&. will they, won't they

maybe you're best friends, just acquaintances, playful rivals. any way you cut it, you and moon junhui are playing circles around each other. you've both got feelings for the other, but due to incompetency, nervousness, both, or something else entirely, you won't admit it. the onlookers have a bet going on.

— hoshi &&. love at first sight

kwon soonyoung loves loud and he loves hard, and the first time he sees you, he knows he has to make you his. you're wary and quarrelsome about his feelings, truly putting him on the ropes to prove it to you that he loves you the way he says he does. he's over the top and annoying, but at some point, it becomes endearing instead of irritating.

— wonwoo &&. strangers to lovers

he's a student circulation assistant at your campus library, you're a frequent patron to use the nice macbooks and editing software provided to you through your college tuition, always booking your study rooms and equipment for you. alternatively, you're the sweet barista who gives him extra whipped cream on all of his cold drinks or slips him a fudge brownie every once in a while, free of charge. they're small kindnesses, but sweet.

— woozi &&. i hate everyone but you

you and lee jihoon are an unlikely pairing; a chemistry-biology double major and a music major just don't come together so well in some people's minds. he's quiet and closed off, content to be with someone in complete silence, with an air of "everyone in the world sucks." that's the jihoon everyone else sees, but you get a different version of him, a special version that's reserved just for you.

— dk &&. slow burn

lee seokmin is every bit the hopeless romantic. he reads contemporary romance, loves romcoms, and fawns over relationship videos on tiktok. whether you start out as strangers or friends, your relationship with him takes a while to turn into full-out romance, but it's certainly worth the wait, especially for a man who gets all of his smooth lines and tricks from his romance novels.

— mingyu &&. second chance

your first romantic foray with kim mingyu really wasn't that bad: he loved you, took care of you, treated you the way you deserved to be treated. but you were at different points in your life, you wanted different things, so you broke up. when you cross paths again, you've got a lot more in common now than you used to.

— the8 &&. grumpy / sunshine

xu minghao has always had a bit of an... attitude problem, at least according to most of the people who have ever talked about him around you. at first glance, you'd believe it - he's prim, proper with an air of superiority that surrounds him. the more time you spend around him, though, the more he drops that guard around you.

— seungkwan &&. enemies / rivals to lovers

childhood slights or adult disagreements, academic rivals or professional competition. boo seungkwan has been your arch nemesis for as long as you care to remember. you long for the days you've deemed b.s., before seungkwan, which is fitting considering he's full of bullshit. your relationship is turblent, to say the least, but the people around you are tired of putting up with it.

— vernon &&. one of us is famous / celebrity

maybe vernon chwe is still a kpop idol, maybe a famous video game streamer, maybe something else. whatever his occupation may be, he's the famous one and you're seemingly the only person on the face of the earth who is both chronically online and completely unaware of who he is, despite his status. it doesn't irritate him, perse, but rather intrigued.

— dino &&. bad boy / good girl

lee chan is the town heathen, the boy with nothing to lose, no success in the foreseeable future. truthfully, he's an enigma who has always intrigued you, the town sweetheart, the one with everything to gain. your parents, of course, warned you to stay away from him when you were younger, but now that you're an adult, they can't stop you from unraveling the mystery of him.

© gyuphorias, 2022. please do not copy, repost, or translate my work without my permission.

[iwahajii]

• scars fade (Chapter 6)

Iwaizumi’s sins cost him the one thing he didn’t want to fuck up. Yet he still did.

Oikawa can count on one hand the actual times he punched Iwaizumi in the face. This was one of them. And it wasn’t just once that he did.

This is the story of how Iwaizumi fucked up so bad Oikawa had no choice but to step in and save the day. And whether it’ll be a happy ending or not, it’s all up to you.

warning: contains cheating, explicit language, mature themes

taglist: @jcrml @on-crows-wings

then • now  • next

When Oikawa heard that Iwaizumi's voicemails started getting through again, he was beyond pissed, not only because his ear probably sustained irreparable damage because of Iwa's screaming, but also because he can't contact you on his own at the moment without incurring huge financial loss. He was in Rio for heaven's sake!

Still, it was a loss he could forego, no matter how much he needed to pay nor how he would probably get ignored anyway. It was something he'd still do, regardless of the consequences.

So he did.

Sent a text with lots of emojis he knew you'd definitely call obnoxious, to make his money worth.

He left it at that, didn't wait for five minutes for a reply that he knew would never come. Instead, he went on his day, focusing on practice, polishing his serves and setting brighter than the sun. They were on a break when he found his phone blinking because of a notification. He picked it up, expecting some Twitter or Instagram notification. What he saw made his heart literally stop before jolting back to life in an abnormal speed. In a haste similar to a toddler opening his Christmas gift from Santa, Oikawa messed up twice on his PIN before he was able to unlock it.

Then he laughed, then screamed, then laughed again, jumping all over the place, in glee, happiness, excitement and relief all bundled tight in his long limbs. His coach and teammates, bless their patience and tolerance, only shook their heads at his display of wild craziness.

He replied before dialling Iwaizumi's number, fees be damned.

"Iwa-chan!" He gushed at the first click of the phone. "Oh my god! You won't believe this- oh my god!"

"Trashykawa, what the hell? It's-it's two am!" Iwaizumi grumbled.

Oikawa stomped his foot, but he was still smiling like an idiot. As though Iwaizumi could see him. "Iwa-chan! Yuki replied to my text! Just now, she replied!"

A loud thud and a groan before Iwaizumi was shouting in Oikawa's ear. Questions pouring out of his mouth like bursting fountain, but Oikawa was laughing again, hard enough he fell to the floor gasping.

"Did-did you-" Oikawa couldn't force the words out in between his laughter. "Iwa-chan, did you-"

Oikawa snorted, laughter taking over his whole body until he was crying happy tears. Iwaizumi, realizing his actions, and hearing Oikawa switch between snorting and laughing, felt himself loosen up before he himself was also snorting and laughing on his bedroom floor, a thousand miles away from the person he was laughing with.

Two beeps rang in their ears before it was silence, and they both stared incredulously at their phones before cracking up, two grown men, on separate floors, laughing their hearts out.

A few minutes later, Oikawa was settling down, lying on the floor unmoving, staring at your words on his screen. Then, the device was ringing, Iwaizumi calling via FaceTime.

"You hang up on me," was Iwa's accusation and greeting, all grumpy and hoarse.

"No, I didn't! My spending limit was reached," Oikawa explained calmly.

A beat and then Iwaizumi was laughing on the other side. "So you spent how many million yen to call and laugh?"

Oikawa felt himself go red in embarassment. Indignant, he replied, "I was happy Yuki replied!"

Calming himself down, Iwaizumi muttered, "alright, alright" before clearing his throat. Then, in a more firm voice, "What did she say?"

"Like I'd tell you after you just laughed at my financial misery," Oikawa grumbled.

He heard Iwaizumi sigh. "Oikawa, just tell me. I'd even pay half of the bill if you do."

"You will?" Oikawa asked, bright and chirpy real quick.

"Hmm," Iwaizumi hummed. "Depends on what Yuki said."

Oikawa groaned, rolling his eyes. "You guys are so mean to me."

"You make it so easy, Oikawa."

Oikawa imitated Iwaizumi's line in a petulant way, throwing the two of them in a fit again. They quickly sobered up, and Oikawa took a deep breath before reciting your reply.

"Stop the emojis. They're obnoxious. And stop texting me. You're in another side of the world for ducks sake, Tooru," he finished. "Do you think she misspelled the f-word or it was on purpose?"

"Definitely on purpose," Iwaizumi answered without pause.

Oikawa shrugged, actions justified now that Iwa could see. "Well, it was worth asking," he mumbled.

They were both quiet, before Iwaizumi was groaning loudly over the phone.

"God, Oikawa, I miss her so bad."

"I know, Iwa-chan," Oikawa soothed. "I'm a god, after all."

Iwaizumi snorted. "Definitely obnoxious."

Oikawa cried in protest. "I am not obnoxious! I'm just awesome and you're all envious!"

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say."

They were both quiet before Oikawa was sighing, sadness bubbling up at how badly he misses you. "That's so like her, though..."

Iwa nodded, smiling a little. "It is."

"We'll get her back, right?"

They stared at each other, two men sharing in the same agony from your absence. Oikawa's eyes burned with hope beneath the sadness. Iwa's burned with determination beneath the regrets.

Then, at the same time, they both said, "We will."

And then, they laughed.

Because what else were they supposed to do with their misery when they're miles away without you?

-

The loud, high-pitched cry of 'Iwa-chaaaaan!' rang in the large expanse of the arrival area of the airport. Iwaizumi thanked all his stars he decided to wear a face mask and a cap when he went out to pick up Oikawa. As suspicious as he may have looked, he didn't care. At the very least, the only thing the people staring at Oikawa's grand entrance will remember was the name 'Iwa-chan' and nothing else.

"Shut up, Trashykawa," he greeted.

Oikawa shamelessly hooked his arm with Iwaizumi's, giggling like a fifteen year old, as he waved goodbye to his laughing teammates. Iwa wanted to bash his head on the nearest wall, or maybe throw Oikawa back to wherever part of South America he came from.

"I know you missed me, Iwa-chan!" Oikawa said haughtily. "After all, I'm the only one who willingly hangs out with you with less judgement."

Iwa sighed, his annoyance replaced with guilt, because Oikawa's words were true. But he didn't need a verbal reminder of his poor, for some, even strained, relationship with his family and friends after what he's done. One look in the mirror was enough for that.

"I'm sure Makki will come around soon," Oikawa rushed, sensing Iwa's immediate withdrawal.

He shook his head, smirking. "We both know he'd rather bury me six feet underground for what I did. Matsukawa will probably help."

Oikawa turned to him with a dark glint in his eyes, a blatant contrast to the smile plastered on his lips.

"You too, of course."

The only reply he got was Oikawa's boisterous laughter, before he bounded off to Iwaizumi's car, leaving his suitcase for Iwaizumi to lug around.

'You cleaned up well' was Oikawa's first comment as he looked around the apartment.

Iwaizumi scratched the back of his head, shrugging. "I have time."

Oikawa only nodded, Iwaizumi noting the raised eyebrow but kept quiet. Iwaizumi watched as he proceeded to the refrigerator, probably to get a drink as he kept on whining in the car how thirsty he was. A loud gasp escaped his mouth, probably at the sight of the contents of the fridge, or maybe its lack of contents. Iwa just shrugged, taking a bottle of Pocari for himself, downing half of it.

"Are you even eating?" Oikawa asked, anger and pain evident in his voice.

Iwaizumi pursed his lips, keeping his mouth shut. He watched Oikawa snatch a bottled water, before slamming the refrigerator shut. The appliance shook at the force of it, but Iwa remained mum.

Oikawa sighed, shaking his head as he stared at Iwaizumi long and hard. "Don't think we don't notice your drastic weight loss, Iwa-chan..."

"I just don't have the appetite, Oikawa."

Oikawa's eyes flared. "Oh yeah? Well, sorry to bust your ass but the starving look don't fit your image."

Iwaizumi snorted but stopped as Oikawa glared daggers at him. They stared at each other, Iwaizumi trying to stop the laughter pouring out of him because of Oikawa's words, while Oikawa was still staring daggers. Oikawa's lips lifted to the side, his composure cracking. Iwa burst out laughing, Oikawa joining a second later.

When Oikawa sobered up, he faced Iwaizumi, his lips set in a tight line. "But seriously, Iwa-chan. Please don't make me worry about you too. I'm stressed enough as it is with Yuki!"

Iwa sighed, nodding at Oikawa's words. "Mom also said the same," he muttered.

"It’s not that difficult to see, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said solemnly. Shaking his head, he steered away from the topic. “Does Yuki contact them?" he wondered, immediately picking up that Iwa meant your mom, not his birth mother.

"At least, that's what I think. I couldn't really ask since…" Iwa replied, his whole body slumping in defeat.

Oikawa simply nodded in understanding. "That aside, any idea where she is?"

Iwa shook his head. "I already went around the places we used to hang out to," Iwa replied. "Even went back to Miyagi for a week and tried searching with Mattsun, but she wasn't there. Nobody has seen or heard from her."

"Well," Oikawa said, sitting down exaggeratedly on the couch and patted the seat beside him for Iwa. "It's time to use my secret weapon!" Oikawa exclaimed before whipping out his phone, grinning wide.

Iwa, for all its worth, felt alive once again, as though Oikawa's words injected all the hope in the world in his bloodstream. It was a risk he dared to take every day for eight months now and for all the days he has yet to live, dedicated in leaving a voice mail once a day, praying to all the gods that one day, you'd reply. At first, they were all sorrys and begging and telling you how badly he fucked up. And then, when his voicemails resumed getting through, he decided to tell you about his day, the neighbor and his loud metal rock, the plants you had in the balcony, the renovation on the park you liked hanging out to.

His luck seemed to run out since there was still none from you.

With Oikawa, maybe, just maybe, you'd answer. You already did. Once. Knowing how much you adore Oikawa (he was your favorite, after all, no matter how much you lie), Iwaizumi hoped that little extra affection you had for him gave him much higher chances of you responding.

"Let's hope she doesn't ignore me, alright?" Oikawa mumbled, looking pale and hesitant despite his initial bravado.

Iwa could only nod, palms shaky and sweaty with anxious hopefulness. He started praying to all the gods he knew in every religion he was familiar with, because maybe, one of them would take pity on him and make you answer Oikawa's call.

On the first try, Oikawa's fingers were shaky enough to press the wrong number, accidentally calling his own mother. You were registered as My Wife on his contacts, much to Iwaizumi's chagrin.

"Beggars can't be choosers, Iwa-chan!"

Oikawa listened with absolutely zero interest while his mom took a good fifteen minutes of talking his son's ear off about not coming straight home from the airport. At Iwaizumi's kind interruption, his mother changed mood so quickly Oikawa had to roll his eyes, because despite Iwa's recent misgivings, he was still Oikawa's mother's favorite. Oikawa's only consolation was that his mom made Iwa sit in seiza every time he was in her presence, because 'he had to realize his mistakes' (which was good because his mother always drops by unannounced to Iwa's apartment, at Oikawa's request mostly, to check on him).

On the second try, Oikawa succeeded in pressing the right number, but it went to voicemail after ringing. They both sighed, one with impatience, one with despair.

On the third try, they both jumped at the click after the fifth ring, and then a child's voice rang out the apartment from Oikawa's phone.

"Hello?" 

Oikawa screamed. Iwa froze.

Oikawa was the first to recover. Quickly, he snatched the phone off the table, grasping it in his hands, staring at it like it came from aliens. 

Iwaizumi remained frozen in his seat. It felt like every fiber of his being stopped, except for the loud beating of his heart which he can hear loud and clear.

A thud and a loud static. Then, it was your voice coming from the speakers.

Oikawa screamed. Iwa stopped breathing.

"Oh fuck!" The curse loudly bounced off the walls. "Ren!"

And then a beep.

then • now  • next

[fandomcrazyshit]

Thinking about how ‘Forever Winter’ by Taylor Swift screams Jason Grace around others.

Specifically Jiper during their time on the Argo ii.

“He spends most of his flights getting pulled down by gravity”

After Percabeth fall into Tartarus, Piper mentions in her POV how Jason starts looking worse than before.

Jason once again had to become a leader, which he’s okay with doing for the hell of it but obviously doesn’t want to since he doesn’t find himself good at it.

“All this time I didn’t know you were breaking down”

Piper sees Jason pushing himself beyond his own limit and doesn’t know what to do. But she cares. She cares so much.

Dating or not. Romantic or platonic.

“Too young to know it gets better”

She realizes that Jason has no faith in himself and actually doesn’t care at all whether he lives or dies. It breaks her heart.

Jason’s been a soldier his whole life, it’s always been life or death, never it only hurts now but it gets better soon.

“He seems fine most of the time, forcing smiles and neverminds”

Jason has his guard up all the goddamn time. Piper knows she hasn’t seen Jason to his full self. She’s pretty sure only his Camp Jupiter friends have. He doesn’t jump the gun and he doesn’t defend himself.

She doesn’t know how he can stand there, shoulders straining and eyes blurry, and just listen.

“Long gone, not even listening”

Jason works like a machine. He always has and Piper’s 90% sure he always will. Leo’s not around. He’s dead. So to say. And persistent as the son of Jupiter is keeps looking until he gets an answer.

A final cutoff.

“He says, “Why fall in love, just so you can watch it go away?””

Piper breaks up with him for herself, not because of him. Although Jason doesn’t fully agree.

He’s actually thrilled that Piper wants to learn about herself. It’s not easy. He stopped doing that.

Jason knew she would overthink when it came to him and he hated it. He wanted to end things because of it. Except he was too selfish to do it since that’d cut them off completely.

Whether he did it before she did it was still his final cutoff.

“My voice comes out screamin’”

Jason’s dead. Piper doesn’t know what to do. He took the quest as his distraction.

A distraction from his loneliness

[homestead-owl]

Traditional Gender Roles, The Bible and The Family

Genesis 2:20-24 -- "So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.

And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.”

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

One reason why christian relationships last is because of Love. Honest, real Love. We think we know love, yet we don't until God loves us first.

1 John 4:7-11 -- "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."

Ephesians 5:2 -- "And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma."

It isn't perfect. No one is. I put holes in doors and walls. We all yelled. Yet as I have grown, so has my understanding and love. It is easier to forgive as well when one is a believer.

The forgiveness is a good point. And devotion?

Definitely devotion. The likely hood of cheating, lying, arguing ect all go down. Again, we are not perfect, we will slip. Yet true believers are way less likely to hit their spouse or children, drink in excess, or cheat.

Love also grows. It learns. I can see that in my parents.

1 Corinthians 13:4-10 -- "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away."

Women & Femininity are often a focus point in society. Different social groups and trends have grown in the last 20-30 years. Tradfem is short for Traditional Femininity also Tradwife = Traditional Wife. Traditional Female Gender Roles include, yet not limited to, being a stay at home mother, cooking, cleaning, raising children.

The tradfem groups get hate in many different aspects. They are considered White Supremacists, White Nationalists, "baby canons", obsessed with putting the husband first, to name a few. Naturally feminists like to twist things as well. So women are now having to define themselves. Defending their beliefs, decisions and life choices, while some also specify whether or not they are christian.

Things have gotten confusing and now there are different 'cores', e.g. cottagecore, familycore ect., because people don't want to be associated with trad fems or christians or feminists what have you.

What happened to cause a shift? The wife was once the home caretaker, a housewife. For many years she lived in the shadow of her husband. Told what to do, how much she could spend, how to dress ect. Then women stood up and demanded independence. They wanted fair pay, equal work opportunities, praise. The children were left to the schools, daycare or on their own.

There is another thing that affected such a shift as well. God was removed.

The women that were oppressed, in my opinion, were not christian and neither was the husband. Why does this matter? Because God said so. He created man & women.

Genesis 2:24 -- "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

2 Corinthians 6:14 -- "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?"

Traditional Gender Roles are not black and white anymore. Yet the foundation, should be preserved. The Husband and The Wife. This is not a race matter, one is not an extremist or racist for wanting to be a housewife. There are happy families with a broad range of backgrounds and religion that are living as God designed it to be.

Yet religion is where separation tends to begin.

John 14:6 -- "Jesus said to him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me."

For christians we read about the bride of Christ. Which the bride is the church, and the church is the believers (not a building).

Acts 2:42-47 -- "And they continued steadfastly in the apostles’ doctrine and fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and in prayers. Then fear came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were done through the apostles. Now all who believed were together, and had all things in common, and sold their possessions and goods, and divided them among all, as anyone had need.

So continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they ate their food with gladness and simplicity of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily those who were being saved."

Why is Traditional Gender Roles predominantly associated with white christians?

Because that is all that is shown on the surface. To create a divide. A biblical marriage as God intended is alive and should grow and shine.

Why is submission such a focal point?

Ephesians 5:22-33 "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 

So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

Also this applies to both parties, husband & wife and this fact tends to be left out.

The husband also has to submit to the wife?

Yes. In the passage above, vs 22 is a commandment to the wife, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord"

25 & 28 is commandments to the husband, 25 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her." 28 "So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself."

So does that mean she has to do whatever he says, but he does not have to do what she says?

No. If they are both true believers he would never ask her to do something or force her to do something she doesn't want to do.

The husband is the head of the house hold. The leader. Ultimately they should discuss things together and come to an agreement. The Husband should respect her choices and her opinions. Example most household the finances are handled solely by the husband. The wife trusts his decisions. My parents share financial responsibilities. Both can balance a check book & right checks. My father handles the taxes. They talk and discuss what needs to be done, what is more important ect.

Not every decision needs to be passed by the spouse, that is legalistic and controlling.

Can a woman be masculine & feminine? Can a male be feminine & masculine?

Yes. There are two genders. And one gender can have traits of the other. At their core they are either women or male; and if the female wants to be a firefighter or a doctor or a stay at home mother, all are vaild. If a male wants to be a nurse, or a dancer or a barista, all are vaild.

The husband can cook and sew; the woman can cut wood and change oil. The Home, the Family is ever changing. Yet one thing that most agree on is the nurturing and care of the children. How ever it is done. If the Father becomes the stay at home parent, that is fine.

What is important is the family structure that God intended. A Father & Mother caring for their child, with love and honor and respect.

Ephesians 5:33 -- "Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

1 Peter 3:7 -- "Husbands in the same way treat your wives with consideration as a delicate vessel and with honor as fellow heirs of the gracious gift of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered."

Husband or Wife, they are a creation of God. And God loves everyone.

1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 -- "- that you also aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you, that you may walk properly toward those who are outside, and that you may lack nothing."

Dancing and the Dreaming

Biblical Family

Traditional Principles

Marriage outside the Faith (Unequally Yoked)

Preparing for Rain

Traditional Wife

Traditional Husband

Traditional Masculinity

Go for your Dreams

Embracing Traditional Femininity

Mulan and Shan Yu

1 Timothy 2:12-14 -- "And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression."

[nagdabbit]

LONG ANSWER, PLEASE. Come through callin' broke me and put me back together, I want to know EVERYTHING

yall are fast this morning! 💜

im sorry for how long and overshary this is gonna be

so, like, i really haven't been shy about talking about my mental health and shit, and especially how writing this fic kinda became part of my therapy, right? like it really became "how do i talk about burnout, this thing that i have no fucking words for because at no point in time have i ever let myself recover from it and have spent literal decades of my life letting it compound to the point that i have no idea whether or not ill ever be able to really heal?"

so this kinda came about in talking with my therapist about, like, how to move on and forward and start actually healing. and the fic definitely didn't end up a 1:1, cuz i still had to translate therapy into science fiction and romance. and obviously this is in no way a universal experience, this is just how my brain works. kay? kay.

the thing is i just get absolutely bogged down in the "this is whats happening and i need to stop it," not "this is what's happening to me and i need to start recovering from it." ive got a brain that likes to get extremely bogged down in the thing (burnout, depression, anxiety, etc) and not the broad causes of the thing (overworking, trauma, etc). i fixate on an unsolvable problem and don't allow myself enough room to actually think about myself as a person experiencing said problem—and therefore tend to ignore the limits of what i can actually take before i fall apart. i am absolutely the type to see a massive crack in the side of a dam and put a batman bandaid on it, thinking that'll fix it and it's safe to carry on business as usual.

preserving kayfabe and all that, in the lead up to revolution mox is getting terrorized by kenny, still missing his best friend who he's gone to war with, got betrayed by the bucks mid-match, oh were about to put on one of the most iconic gimmick matches of all time i hope it lives up to the unreasonable hype, etc. like, if wrestling were real life, i would need to lie down for a long time after all that. the start of the fic, we find mox in "i cannot fix this singular thing, so i have stopped trying" instead of "i am going to try and heal the things that caused this." cuz moxs life is now just sunday. saturday doesn't matter, only sunday. he's fixating on the thing, and not thinking about fixing what caused it.

cuz jeezy, and i cannot stress this enough, chreezy, it is nigh impossible to see the problem when you're in the middle of it. especially when you're isolated, by choice or circumstance.

i also struggle with asking for help in any kind of normal way. like, i with either bottle things up until they overflow, or i put way too much on another person with no real regard for what they can actually carry. and when that support system that i have piled on top of fails, i get angry a blame myself and everyone within reach and then cycle back around to the not talking about it with anyone, ever part. i am all for being selfish, humans need to be selfish, but not at the detriment of the health of the people they care about. it's a real fine line that i often forget exists until i cross it.

mox spends the fic placing too much on people who have no way to carry it all. once again, not exactly 1:1. there's a lot that he does, and conversations that are had, that would be so much healthier if the fic weren't, you know, a time loop. it's the "i am going to hang absolutely everything i have left on this sliver of hope that you have provided me" thats fucking him over. none of these people, no matter how well he explains it, are going to be able to fully understand what hes experiencing. and through no fault of their—or his—own are going to let him down. whether he admits it, or not. see: the final conversation with eddie at the end of chapter one. every conversation pervious has yielded no change in his circumstances (because he's not analyzing himself, so much as the space he's occupying) so he goes into that conversation angry and frustrated that eddie can't fix or fully understand this impossible thing.

a thing my therapist has tried very, very hard get me to understand in a very practical sense is that doing something that feels good is still healing. that thing that makes my bandaid-on-the-hoover-dam coping mechanisms not work is the amount of guilt ill throw at myself at the idea that im just ignoring the problem—which just adds more pressure trying to break through the dam.

mox spends this entire fic finding ways to feel better and heal emotionally, and then writing them off because they aren't the Big Bad. he noticeably feels better after talking to eddie and cooking with renee, but because those don't fix the issue, they don't matter. he chases those moments, and then feels guilty that he's found these moments of respite because he thinks he's not fixing the actual time loop part—even tho he very clearly is. he gets bogged down going after science and brain scans, not realizing that talking through those trials with renee is the part that's actually helping.

so the time loop finally breaks the day he gets up and says "i have decided to feel good today" and doesn't try and punish himself for it. the previous cycle to that, he still gets in his head about that guilt. another not 1:1 part, he has guilt of realizing that he's using this to break the cycle, and not because he wants his two people together.

that bit in the sessions where he was like, "i make a point to have my fake beer, and make it specifically a part of my routine, so i don't just accidentally forget and have a regular beer." that is, objectively, an extremely adhd fucking thing to say. do you know how often i accidentally buy grapefruit juice even tho i am on zoloft, and have been for years? that's also not a thing that simply happens in a physical sense, it can happen in an emotional one, too. to get back to the personal oversharing bit, decemeber of 2020, i got so excited to get a care package from my brother that for like ten minutes i forgot i had covid and that both my parents had died of it just weeks before. brains are stupid.

so, like, "i got so caught up in the euphoria of loving these people that i forgot i was trapped in an unknowable hellscape." it wasn't so much that he remembered that kept the cycle from breaking that day, it's the guilt of thinking he's ignoring his problem and then taking two steps backward. again. because thats kinda the theme of the fic.

the loops well and truly start to unravel when he sees them together in the kitchen and just goes fuck it. im gonna enjoy tonight and not punish myself for it. but it breaks when he gets up the next cycle and let's himself have it. the shadow of these loops is still there, and he knows it, and he acknowledges it to himself, but he's not feeling feeling guilty for letting go himself have a nice day.

and going back to the putting too much on people, it's that final conversation with eddie that really fixed it. there's a thing i kinda started to examine in an earlier fic i wrote, lamp-bright rind, about healing as a person so there's room for the people you care about, and not building yourself around those people. that people are people, not scaffolding, i guess. you can rely on people, but you can't build yourself in an image that will make them love you, cuz you're a person not a painting that's going to hang in the house of someone's life.

that last morning, he realizes that every conversation he's had, outside of renee (and even a couple of those), has been for his own gain in a way. like, he's spent so long talking about himself and his problems and what he needs, that he forgot that eddie is also living a life and that he always wants to hear about it. "i got so fucked up by groundhog day that i forgot that i care more about who you are than what you can do for me." brains. it happens. hell, speaking from experience here, i am old fucking hat at this revelation.

the "oh, hey, i love you and i love knowing about you, and i am extremely tired of not actually indulging this thing that i love, which is just having a no-strings conversation with you."

so, long therapy short, the thing that broke the loops was mox just letting himself have a healing moment without the guilt of doing so. letting himself go "hey, this feels nice and i am going to let it feel nice and accept this, and not feel bad about it." because that is recovery. that really is healing, and it's small and it can feel insignificant, but it is actually extremely fucking huge.

so.

i have no idea if that all is coherent or makes as much sense laid out as it did in the scrambled mess of my brain. but. that's the logic i kinda built this fic around.

anyway, my best friend refers to mox as their "emotional support wrestler" and i really have started to feel that. especially after reading his book and that most recent episode of renees pod.

is this healthy? i do not know or care, but my therapist gave me a gold star sticker, so it doesn't fucking matter.

thank you for letting me overshare my thought process

[mrhomebodii]

How to Have 2 Perfect Days in Portland

So you’ve decided on a quick visit to Portland, Oregon and you wanna make the most of your time, get a full Portland experience, and come back with a pocket full of memories and a gallery full of pictures to look back on. Let me assist you in this exciting venture. I lived in Portland for 2 years (No I'm not an official local but I do think I've got enough intel to advise you on 2 days in the city. Don’t be a hater.) and when I would plan visits before I moved, I was always overwhelmed by the myriad recommendations on sites like Trip Advisor (I still linked their list of activities down below. You’re welcome.)

Anyway, here’s how I would spend 2 days in Portland if I were planning a trip…

When to visit: This is extremely important especially if you consider yourself especially partial to the sun or gloom. Personally, I believe summertime is THE MOST amazing and beautiful time to visit. The whole city is in great spirits, nature is in full bloom, and no activities are off limits due to rain or snow. That being said I recommend planning your trip between late June and early August.

Hotel vs. Airbnb + where to stay: I definitely recommend staying in one of the many airbnb’s listed in Portland. Airbnb is huge in the area and many homeowners have created beautiful stays as it is part of their monthly income. I will include a photo on what part of the city I recommend staying in below. I have had great stays in tiny homes, guest houses, and even in shared spaces! I would recommend however, avoiding basement apartments.

Day 1: Let’s get into the actual activities. I would recommend flying in early, around the time that you can check in to your stay. Contact your host and see how early they are able to take you; the earlier the better.

Day 1 Activities:

Coffee and breakfast at Petite Province Boulangerie and Patisserie

Walk off breakfast at Mt. Tabor park

If you’re into shopping, explore the many shops on Hawthorne Blvd.

Go back to the airbnb to reset, change if necessary, and get ready for lunch

Enjoy many different cuisines in one meal for lunch by visiting one of Portland’s many food truck lots (My favorite food trucks are Demarco’s Sandwhiches, and Jojo’s). Alternatively, great traditional lunch spots I would recommend are Devil’s Dill, and Pizzacato.

Head to Forest Park and hit as many of the activities up there that you can before attractions close. Attractions I highly recommend are The Japanese Friendship Garden, The arboretum, The Lan Su Chinese Garden, and The Pittock Mansion.

Now it’s time to eat again because you’re gonna be hungry after all that activity! Dinner spots I would recommend to end the first day with an bang include Farmhouse Kitchen Thai Cuisine and AFURI Ramen.

Day 2 Activities: You’ll want to rent a car for today

Start with coffee from Kind Coffee Cart and breakfast from Pine State Biscuits or City State Diner and Bakery

In your rental car, make your way to Multnomah Falls OR The Trail of 10 Falls (The second is a 10 mile walk but it’s worth every step). If you’re gonna go to the second stop, bring lots of water and snacks!

On your way back into the city, stop by The Columbia River George Scenic Area if you have time (if you’re like me, I would also recommend Collin’s beach… it’s a nude beach.)

Once you get back into town, pick a dinner spot whether that’s a food truck or traditional brick and mortar (I’ll leave this one up to you).

If you’ve got time left in the evening and still have some energy I recommend hitting up Quarterworld for some late night arcade and bar vibes. (Most games require more than one quarter. I’m letting you know so you’re not disappointed like I was.)

That’s it! I plan on revisiting this blog once I learn formatting and integrated links on tumblr to provide more recommendations, photos, and videos of my visit. All in all, Portland is an amazing place and I hope you enjoy your stay!

P.S. Besides the incredible nature and food scene, Portland is also known for having the highest amount of strip clubs per square mile. Just throwing that out there as I have visited my fair share and have always had a ball. That’s just me.

With Care,

Mr. Homebodii

https://www.tripadvisor.com/Attractions-g52024-Activities-Portland_Oregon.html

[thehibernatedmind]

cats and short-lived happiness

(How should I even start this?)

It's been almost 3 years since I've posted anything on this blog. All I can say is, life happens, struggles happen. I had one horrible school year, then spent the next two years trying to pick myself up while handling work and everything else. There were some good times, I mean it wasn't all bad, but I couldn't really find myself. I could go about my days, completing one task and one responsibility after another, but I felt this deep unhappiness within me.

It's really hard to explain. All I can say is that my heart felt like an huge knot that was difficult to untie. Some things triggered me and it might suddenly strap the knot tighter, then I would break down. Then the knot would loosen a bit. I'd feel a bit better, but then another trigger would come.

"Maybe it's time for a change." A close friend and mentor told me.

I think he may be right.

Every year, my church holds a retreat camp during Easter. Because of the pandemic, this practice stopped for a few years and just resumed this year. I awaited eagerly for it. One, I haven't been to a trip / camp where I can relax and enjoy myself since the pandemic started. Two, I really need to be in an environment where I can find space to quiet myself.

So Good Friday came. Onwards to the camp.

We were encouraged to spend some time with ourselves once we arrived at the campsite. It's a free time where you can just walk around, or sit at a particular spot, and talk to God.

The campsite was much smaller than I pictured. Some parts were also under renovation, so there were a lot of barriers when I walked around it and the places where I could choose to meditate were very limited.

Then, I saw a cat bathing in the sun within one of the sites that was under renovation.

Yes, I love cats, and this particular cat looks similar to the one I adopted.

I tried to find a way to get closer to it, but all the barriers blocked every possible entry point, so I resigned to simply stand at the spot and look at its relaxed pose. The cat rolled and stretched on the ground for a few minutes. Then, as all strays do, it decided it's time to leave and I watched it strolled leisurely away from the campsite.

I asked, God, please let me see the cat again! That would be a miracle.

Then immediately, my head started conjuring amazing, unbelievable stories where I meet up with this miracle cat again during this retreat camp.

But right after, I knew my hopes would not come true. Who am I kidding? Why would a stray return? Why would God listen to me?

Amidst my two contrary thoughts, I started asking - why then let me see the cat, if it won't stay forever?

Eventually, God prompted me to think at a different angle -

Do I need the cat to be happy?

There are many things in life that make me happy - cats, books, food. None of them lasts forever. No matter how great these things may be, one day I will finish eating that dish, or read the last page of a great novel, or the cat has to wander to a different place. And sometimes, there may be barriers to prevent me from enjoying these things.

It's no one's fault that I cannot enjoy these things forever. It's just how life works.

The question, I guess, is whether I can be happy despite not attaining the kind of happiness I want.

***

Before the cat left, I did take a video of it rolling on the ground. I replayed the video again and again during the camp. Every time I watched it, I find myself smiling.

It didn't stay. It didn't appear again. But it did appear. That's already a blessing from God.