#sigh... the anxiety is better. i managed to fall asleep/pass out.

[vanishingstarrs]

midnight dreams

katsuki bakugo x reader, slow burn, hurt x comfort, anxiety, fluff, sfw

part 2/3; not too sure how i feel about this yet... thinking one more part to this little drabble ?? (funnily enough only post these after midnight)

It was late. Again.

You’d actually managed to fall asleep pretty early that afternoon, but woke up shortly from a nightmare. One where your class failed at bringing Midoriya home and things went awry quickly after that, the guilt from your dream not being so far from reality plagued your conscious now as you sat in the living room by yourself. You had considered passing by Bakugo’s room since last time he'd extended the surprising offer to just... be there.

Despite this, you didn't have it in your heart to actually take him up on it. You'd made it as far as his door before marching yourself back the other way.

You sighed as you read the same page of your book for the third time without actually taking it in.

Bakugo still occupied your thoughts.

The morning after you two had spoke you had awoken to find all your dishes already clean for you. When you asked your friends which one of them you had to thank for the favor, they all looked at you with raised eyebrows and confused frowns, they’d believed you’d cleaned up after yourself. You thought long and hard about whether you did and maybe you’d just been hallucinating, but you remembered vividly writing a second note in regards to doing them later when you woke up. Momo had said she’d been the first one up and saw no such note, just the one to help themselves to freshly baked cookies.

And so that only left your sort of late night partner in crime…

Surely Bakugo hadn’t came back to the kitchen after walking you to your room to clean? Or wake up extra early to? You racked your brain for answers, but couldn’t think of a logical explanation for why he’d do any of that for you.

You felt a frown take over your face as these things resurfaced on your mind.

“What are you doing?”

You jumped, turning around to find Bakugo standing there staring at you as if you’d grown two heads.

“What?”

“Kirishima said you went to bed hours ago.” He stated,“Why aren’t you asleep.”

It didn’t even sound like a question the way he spoke to you. You stared at him now as you thought about it, and it was true, you had seen Kirishima last. You had noticed him making sure all the doors were locked and bid him a good night before going your separate ways. Your attempt at rest hadn't lasted very long.

You patted the space next to you as invitation just in case he wanted to sit down next to you, you gave him a shrug as he actually came around to your side of the sofa,“Slept. Didn’t take. How are your injuries?”

You hadn’t been brave enough to ask last time, and you couldn’t help notice he was still wearing bandages even now.

Bakugo placed his elbows on his knees and leaned forward,“They’re fine. Getting better. It’s mainly just the arm now, I gotta change the bandages every now and then. I woke up ‘cause I forgot to before I fell asleep and now Kirishima’s snoring loud as fuck, couldn’t wake him.”

“I can help.” You offered before you could change your mind. Your mouth had a knack for getting you into things like this, you’d just blurt things out and before it was too late…

He looked back at you,“Nah, it’s okay.”

“No, really, I can help.” You stood up, adamant as you grabbed his good arm and pulled him up with all your might,“C’mon, I’m pretty good actually, my father had a healing quirk.”

“Had?” Bakugo asked.

You didn’t turn around as you led him into the main bathroom where you knew there was a first aid kit, all you did was shrug.

“Oh.”

“Don’t worry about it.” You sighed, you didn’t really want to get into that. You flicked on the lights and pointed to the toilet,“Sit.”

He listened surprisingly and you dug around the cabinets for only a few seconds, successfully finding all that you needed and turning around to face your patient when you realized something. His injuries… they spanned well into his shoulder and they'd be hard to get to, unless...

You swallowed nervously,“Shirt off.”

Bakugo’s eyebrows flew up.

“Not like that.” You blushed,“Just need it off so I can get your bandages off. It’s on your shoulder, isn’t it?”

“And my stomach.” He revealed at the same time as he removed his shirt, exposing his chest,“Got stabbed a couple times.”

A couple times?!

Dear god, help me... was all you could think.

At first, you couldn’t help stare for all the wrong reasons, at him, at the hard work he’d put into his body. He was strong, that much was obvious. But he’d also been injured terribly. Your lips turned downward, no longer distracted by his abs and instead focused on removing the old bandages,“You’re brave, but it was stupid when you did that, no offense.”

“We’re heroes, aren’t we?” He asked.

“Yeah, but—”

“But nothing.” He faced the other way, like he was avoiding your gaze,“It’s what we signed up for, they needed our help, besides... my body moved before I could think.”

“We’re students actually.” You corrected,“Don’t you think it’s too heavy a burden for a bunch of dumb kids? And what about Midoriya? He’s still out there.”

“We’re not dumb. He is.” He rolled his eyes,“Thinks we’re better off, safer without him. He doesn’t know. But I’ve been talking to the others, we might have a plan.”

“Dangerous?”

“What do you think?” He asked.

Your eyes landed on the scar tissue on his shoulder, it wasn’t pretty. They’d done a good job getting him on the path to healing, nevertheless he still had a ways to go. If Bakugo could blindly take all this for someone he claimed to hate, what was stopping you from reaching the same level of bravery?

You'd been thinking about this a lot lately, you couldn't help feel they were asking too much of you guys sometimes. Then you felt guilty for thinking that. When you started at U.A. you'd made a vow to train like heroes, to learn from them. This was what your future would look like, why was it so hard? You thought back to your mentors and how they were always there to encourage you and your classmates, how they never hesitated to protect everyone against the several attacks you'd faced.

You worked in silence for a second, seeing him wince out of the corner of your eye as you cleaned up the area a bit.

"Sorry."

"It's fine."

“Count me in.” You said decidedly as you reached for gauze and tape,"Also you might wanna start letting these breathe, they're looking a lot better and I think that would help."

He looked up, shocked,“What?”

“Your cuts—"

"Not that, dumbass."

"Oh." You shrugged,"You know, whatever you and the others are planning. Include me, I wanna help."

He looked hesitant,"You sure?”

“Mhm.” You adjusted your glasses before pointing at his stomach,“Want me to check that one?”

He hesitated before sitting up straighter and nodding.

You quickly, but carefully removed the tape and peeled away the gauze. This one might’ve been worse, but you didn’t say a word as you prepared a few cotton rolls to clean around it as best as you could. You were sure both of you were holding your breath as you did so, and he inhaled sharply when you pressed a little too hard.

“Sorry.”

“Quit it, you're doing me a favor." He leaned back a little to give you better access,"You sure you're up for helping?"

You sighed,"I'm sure." Your fingers hovered over the injury, and you looked up just in time to find him already looking at you. “Kinda makes you seem like you don’t hate Midoriya, after all.”

He scoffed and you grinned.

“Bakugo—”

“Katsuki.” He cut you off, gesturing to his exposed chest,“You may as well call me by my first name at this point.”

“Okay…” you inhaled deeply, before saying,"Katsuki…”

You were sure he was expecting something serious as you finished covering up his injury, but you wanted to lighten the mood.

“Wanna watch some tv with me?” You smiled big,“There’s a new show I’ve been meaning to start.”

He eyed you in a way that was unfamiliar to you, it was hard for you to read him. It was making your head spin, and you quickly stopped trying.

He put his shirt back on and started helping you put everything away, he didn’t agree, but he didn’t disagree, and so you led the way back to the living room and sat back where you’d been before and then... he left the room.

You sighed, guess not. You reached for the remote anyway and glanced back again just in case he’d been messing with you, then again... he wasn’t the kind of guy that made jokes. At least, you didn’t think he was.

You turned on the tv and put it at a low volume, going through the provided streaming services in order to find the one you needed. You were just about to click start when he spoke.

“Weren’t gonna wait for me, brat?”

A blanket was tossed onto your head and you quickly removed it, surprise written on your face as Bakugo came around the same end and sat next to you. You stared at the blanket and then looked back at him.

“You get cold easily.”

You nodded, dumbfounded, it was true, but how did he know that? You were cold all the time, actually, it was a side effect of your quirk.

You placed the blanket over your lower half and pressed play, a part of you fixating not only on the fact that he’d noticed enough about you to bring you a blanket, but also that it was his blanket. For the first five minutes of the show, you couldn’t focus, you were surrounded by his smell. It was so strong with him next to you and his blanket on your lap. He smelled amazing.

Eventually, you relaxed. Both of you did.

Bakugo had initially scoffed at the choice of show, but didn't demand you change it and you took it as a good sign.

“These characters are fucking stupid.” He scowled and you giggled, you were wondering when he’d break the silence to make a comment. It surprisingly took more than one episode.

“He’s in love with her, Katsuki.” You didn’t notice how easily his first name slipped past your tongue as soon as that barrier had first broken, you went on to explain further,“People do lots of stupid things when they’re in love.”

He rolled his eyes,“The guy still sucks.”

You shrugged, but didn't disagree.

"No baking tonight?" He asked, out of the blue.

You shrugged. "Maybe tomorrow. Those cookies were gone before I even got to 'em, did you manage to snag one?"

"One." He said,"Or two."

You lit up,"Really? You liked them that much?"

He shrugged.

"Any requests for next time?"

Somehow, you’d gotten closer and you could feel his warmth just from the touch of his thigh. You couldn't cover up your shiver, hoping he took it as you still being cold.

He seemed to think about it,"Like muffins, I guess."

"Chocolate chip? Banana? Strawberry...?" You gave a few options, you wanted to make sure you knew exactly what he liked. He was doing you a favor as much as you'd done him one considering he was always the first one to head to bed. His company was… nice. You may as well bake him something as thanks after tonight.

"Apple cinnamon. And I like that shit they put on top—"

"The crumble?" You laughed at how he explained it.

"Yeah." He leaned back against the sofa. Neither of you had been watching the show anymore and the tv seemed to know since the screen had gone black and the words "Still watching?" took over. You didn't care to click yes or no, knowing it'd shut down on it's own.

"I'll make some especially for you." You said around a yawn.

He stood up,"C’mon, I’ll walk you.”

You couldn’t help it; you pouted. You really wanted to keep talking to him, you found that he was actually a good listener and when he did speak, his voice was soothing. Different from how you'd known him before, you didn't know what it was that had changed.

He rolled his eyes,“That shit's not gonna work on me, come on. You gotta sleep. And I’m tired.”

Bakugo extended his hand to you and you took it as a sign to return his blanket to him, he scoffed and moved it into his other hand before placing the same hand out to you again.

You didn't need help standing, but you took it and he helped you up before placing the blanket around your shoulders. Okay...

You started walking and thought you might've felt his hand at your back.

"I'll leave my door open again." He said, unprompted.

There was that offer again. Your heart felt full.

"Mine will be too." You smiled up at him just as you reached your room,"Night... Katsuki."

"Goodnight, Y/N."

[seariii]

"Dazzled" huh.... What a fitting word

[solarwonux]

Business Proposal || knj (9/?)

pairing: namjoon x f!reader || ex friends to lovers!au friends to lovers!au

Genre: fluff, angst, smut, slow burn, fwb!au, non idol!au, unrequited love

Warnings: slow burn, angst, fluff, flirting, semi-edited, smut, fingering, eating out, unprotected sex.

Rating: mature, 18+

w.c: 8.0

Synopsis: Namjoon is living on borrowed time, and it’s time to cash in. His father is months from taking his last breathe and his life long dream is to watch his oldest son say “I do.”

A/n: lol, hello, I'm sorry for being so MIA lately. I kinda have had half of this written since November but my mom came to visit me in Korea and I forgot about it haha. If you are still here thank you for sticking around! Enjoy! Let me know your thoughts!

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m.list | series m.list | wattpad

10 Years Ago

Things were finally looking up.

“If you just remember everything we have gone over you'll be fine.” He simply says like it's no big deal, waving you off. 

You on the other hand are filled with the gnawing pain of your nerves. As you look down at your notebook filled with an equal mixture of correct and incorrect answers. 

Maybe things weren't really looking up. 

“I think we should do a few more.” You rush out, flipping to a new page. In that exact moment, the buzzer in Namjoon's hand goes off, and he stands up. 

He pushes in his chair and walks to stand beside you, putting a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “Over studying is not the answer.” He says gently, giving your shoulder a light squeeze before walking away to pick up your drinks. 

Your protest dying as you burn daggers into his back. You aren't sure if it's a good thing that he has so much faith in you. When you don't have an ounce in yourself. Especially when in two days you'll hopefully end your misery with the dreaded math final. 

It's been two whole months since you've started your weekly tutoring sessions with Namjoon. You aren't completely lost in class anymore. If you are, you just come to the broad man and drown him in all kinds of questions. With this tactic you've even managed to get an eighty-five present in your last math test. 

The only thing left for you to pass is the stupid final.

You have been seeing Namjoon a lot more this week. Scheduling, and practically begging him to squeeze you into his tight schedule since Monday. A request to brush up on equations and gain some clarity on things you might have forgotten. To say the least, your test anxiety has reached a whole new level. You visibly look exhausted, your skin is oilier than usual, sporting a few painful pimples on your chin, and your hair looks so greasy despite just washing it in the morning. You should feel slightly ashamed for even leaving your house looking like a hot mess, but your thoughts are suffocating. Staying in would make the panic in the pit of your stomach worse. 

Especially when you and your tutor have recently discovered your inability to do word problems. The main reason why you keep calling Namjoon at three in the morning. Even though he thinks you're just being paranoid, especially with the silent sigh of defeat you hear through your phone speaker. He tries his best to reassure you that you're going to be fine at the end of the day. 

“There will probably be three, five at most. He had said last night when you called. 

Thankfully he had stayed up revising his final paper, instead of being three dimensions deep in dream land like on Sunday when you called. Still, even though he had muttered out a tiny complaint, he stayed on the line with you. Until you were calm enough to fall asleep again. 

In just three months your acquaintance has blossomed into a full on friendship. Along with your sneaking suspicion that both Taehyung and Jimin like him better. It was obvious last Friday night when Jimin had a small end of the semester get together at his apartment. Namjoon got so drunk he performed the entirety of Grease Lightning on karaoke. Including the dance break with special guest and step brother Jeon Jungkook. 

Later on in the night the older of the four cried about the final scene in the Titanic. It was a rollercoaster of emotions, but heartwarming to be able to see a different side of the Philosophy student. 

“Look who decided to join us.” You jump, placing your pen down in your notebook, closing it to hold your page. You turn around, feeling a wide smile come onto your face when you lock eyes with the other source of your happiness these last few months. 

“Hobi,” you exclaim, holding your arms out to him. He chuckles, and leans down giving you one of those awkward hugs one gives when the other person is sitting down. It only lasts a few seconds and then he is leaning his head back to plant a sloppy kiss on your cheek, making you cringe. 

“Ew,” you pout, wiping your cheek with the back of your hand. He chuckles, pecking your lips lightly and then taking the seat next to you. 

“Joon says you need a break from being a math wizard.” He chuckles, dragging your notebook to him. He places his arms over it keeping it hostage.

You whine crossing your arms in front of you, pouting like a child. “But what if I don't pass. I don't want to have to take the class a third time.” 

Namjoon shakes his head, sets your chamomile tea in front of you, and sits down. “I already told you, you won't. I did the math last night. Even if you get a sixty five percent, you'll still be able to pass the class with a B.” He states firmly and takes a sip from his coffee. 

You huff, sinking further into the chair. “I don't want a B, I want an A.” 

Hoseok snakes an arm over your shoulders and brings you close to his side.” “Then you will pass the class with an A honey cakes.” He kisses your temple before resting his cheek on top of your head. You take a deep breath, nodding and snuggling closer to him.

“So are you two dating now?” Namjoon leans back in his seat, crossing his arms in front of him.

Hoseok waves an arm, brushing off the question that has been surrounding the two of you these past three weeks. “You know it's not like that.” He answers before you can. He pulls his arm away and sets them both on top of your notebook. He sends you a knowing wink. 

“Yeah you out of all people should know it's not like that.” You back up Hoseok, sticking your tongue out at the other. “How's Rina by the way?” You challenge making the man next to you burst out in a fit of giggles. 

You see, most of the things Jungkook told you about Namjoon prior to your first meeting have all been lies. Or just not the whole truth.

Namjoon was a broody person. He did put his studies as one of his priorities in life. And he didn't want a relationship. 

Yet in the last few months you have gotten to know the career driven man. You've also managed to peel back some of his layers. 

He did have his moments of indignation, but he could also be very playful and funny. This side mostly comes out when Hoseok is around or when he wants you to get your mind off the things that have been stressing you out. He does have a strong work ethic, but he also knows when to take a break. 

There have even moments in your tutoring slash now study sessions when he forces you to take walks. He says it helps clear your head, but you also know it's his way to get his ideas to flow again whenever he feels stuck. 

During these walks you've managed to find out more things about him. He loves museums because he's shit at art, and knowing that there are people out there who aren't makes him appreciate the art a lot more. At least once every two months he visits the tree he and his father planted his mother’s ashes at to update her on his life. He cares so much for Jungkook and his mother even if he doesn't show it all the time. And despite not wanting a relationship he has been head over heels for the girl he's been casually hooking up with for the last two years. 

Though he won't come out and say it himself. You have witnessed the way his face settles down into something calmer. And his eyes light up whenever his phone rings and her name pops up on the screen.

He once spent thirty minutes talking about a joke she had told him one night. Spoiler alert, it wasn't a good one, but it was adorable watching him try to get it out in-between chuckles. 

You also know he shares the same negative sentiment Jungkook has about your current relationship with his best friend. But just like he claims that his relationship with Rina is complicated. So, is yours with the ray of sunshine you get to now call friend.

“She's fine.” He shrugs, clearing his throat and looking out the window. You share a look with Hoseok before letting out a fit of shared giggles. 

If someone had once told you that your strict math tutor slash friend would turn into a shy mess with just the simple mention of a name. You would've thought they were fucking with you. Even if it still surprises you a little bit. 

“You should just ask her to be your girlfriend.” Hoseok chimes in. 

Namjoon throws his head back groaning. “It wouldn't work out if I do, plus that would require for me to act like a boyfriend and I'm not ready for that kind of commitment.” He speaks with his eyes trained on the high ceiling of the cafe. 

You lean forward placing your elbows on top of the table and wrapping your arms around the hot mug. “You already do Namjoon. A switch of labels is not going to change anything. And don't you think she deserves some kind of confirmation and respect when it comes to your relationship?” You finish tilting your head to the side. 

“I do respect her though, which is why I don't want to ask her, like you just said a label won't change anything.” 

You let out a sigh, “I didn't say that you didn't respect her. I just think that from a girl's perspective she might be feeling a little bit confused with your words and actions. You say the two of you aren't anything serious but then you act like you can't live without her. If I was in her shoes I would feel very frustrated. So, maybe you don't have to make this big grand gesture or ask her to officially be your girlfriend but just clarify things between the two of you. If you aren't serious about her then so be it but if you are then tell her that.” You finish and take your first sip from your tea. 

“I agree with honey cakes, just be a little more straight forward that's all.” Hoseok shrugs before standing up. 

Namjoon rolls his eyes, and looks between the two of you. “And what about you?” He counteracts childishly. You knew it was coming. In his eyes the two of you giving him advice when you're in a similar situation is a bit hypocritical. Plus you and Hoseok are on the same page so it's di–

“That's different.” Hoseok speaks before you. “And this is about your love life not ours.” He states stuffing his hands in his pockets. 

“Whatever.” Namjoon brushes off. You sigh, aware that if you choose to continue the conversation it will end in the three of you having a petty argument. You look at Hoseok as he leans down, placing a delicate kiss on your cheek, making the man witnessing the affectionate gesture scoff in annoyance. 

If he wants to say something he doesn't voice it instead he opens his leather bound notebook to a new page. 

Hoseok ignores him and stands up straight. “Are we still on tonight?” 

You nod. “I can't stay for long though I want to catch up on sleep.” 

“Fine then just one movie it is.” He winks before turning on his heels. Leaving you behind with the grumpy man. He looks up from his journal, opening his mouth, but you raise a hand to stop him. “It's different Namjoon.” 

Namjon clicks his tongue in annoyance and shrugs. “Whatever, let's just do one more world problem before calling it a day.” 

“Fine,” you huff, sliding your notebook in front of you and opening it to a clean page. 

Just one more day and you'll be free from this torture. 

Hoseok's apartment is everything you expect from the maximest man. Just upon walking in you are hit with waves of bright colors. By the doorway there are different KAWS figurines that you can only imagine cost a fortune. Yet they greet you with their x'd out eyes as you remove your shoes. 

Then you have to pass by the Supreme beaded curtain to finally enter the living room. A bright red leather couch is settled in the middle. With wine colored pillows and a black throw blanket that you've adopted since the first night you spent in Hoseok's arms.

Abstract art lines the walls behind the television. There are more figurines lining the shelves in between books, records, and framed pictures of his friends and families. Along with a few miscellaneous items that he's told you he's obtained over the years.

His TV is huge. Takes up almost the whole wall, but your favorite to watch movies since he installed a surround system upon moving in years ago. 

You still remember the first night he invited you over. It was after spending two whole weeks texting non stop. He simply asked if you wanted to watch a movie with him and you thought why not. 

One night led to another and now another. It always starts the same. The two of you spend days teasing one another through text. Lewd texts along with pictures. You come over for a movie and then you end up underneath him. 

When it's over, he lets you use his shower while he orders takeout from the vegan restaurant a block down the road. And the two of you resume watching the movie as if neither of you were panting each other's names in pleasure. 

A simple arrangement with absolutely no strings attached.

It was what you were expecting when you came over tonight. Not that you don't mind the nights in which you do come over and nothing happens other than the deep hearted talks over a slow record playing in the background. But that wasn't happening either, because ever since you arrived at his doorstep, the overzealous man has been quiet. Biting the inside of his cheek and moving around you far enough to raise suspicion. 

It has your mind traveling back to the conversation that occurred in the afternoon. Was Hoseok having second thoughts? Or was there more to his actions than what you were picking up? 

“Hobi,” you whisper the minute he enters his living room with a bowl of popcorn stepping over your legs that were resting on his coffee table. He silently settles down next to you, on the other side of the couch with a gap wide enough to fit a person in between. 

Now you're more than positive that something is wrong. 

You groan, “I think I'll just go home then.” You mumble, pushing the throw blanket of your shoulders. 

This is enough to catch his attention. His eyes are wide behind his dark rimmed glasses and he sits up. “What why?” He tilts his head in confusion. 

A dry chuckle escapes your lips. “You obviously don't want me around, so I'll just go. I need to go to sleep early anyway.” You shrug, slipping your feet in his fuzzy slippers and swiftly start making your way to grab your stuff in his room. 

“No I–wait.” Finally, he speaks up, earning an eye roll from you that he can't see as your back is still turned. 

With haltered steps you spin on your heel to face him again, “What? You've been acting strange since I got here. So, if you don't want me around I will just go home.” 

At lightning speed he sets the bowl of popcorn on his coffee table, and stands up. He makes hasty steps towards you and when he is finally standing in front of you, he sets both of his hands on top of your shoulders. 

“Don't leave…I'm sorry.” Hoseok's eyes cast down past your face. They settle upon the graphic on your old washed out t-shirt. He takes a deep breath and looks up again. His face twists into something you can't decipher. It's a look you've never seen him wear, and it settles hard into your chest. 

He looks troubled, chewing on the inside of his cheek. His eyes dart to five different focal points. You know he's arguing with himself. When he finally looks at you in your eyes again. You can't help but shrink a little bit. 

His features have hardened, and you want to reach out to smooth over the little worry lines in the middle of his forehead. Guilt washes over you. 

For what? 

You don't know but you hope more than anything that you'll soon find out. 

“Can we talk?” He speaks up, letting his arms fall down, his knuckles brushing against your skin. 

For a second you think he's going to pull away. Retrieve into his body, but when he grabs your hands and laces his fingers with yours. The guilt in the pit of your stomach dissipates and you're left with confusion. 

When you don't answer his question, he repeats himself. This time differently, “I just think we need to talk, I've been thinking since this afternoon. I want to check up on you, and I guess us.” He clarifies, and now you're filled with a different kind of emotion. As much as you're relieved that you didn't do anything wrong per se. You are slightly annoyed that he couldn't just tell you that when you first arrived. Instead of ignoring you until you reached your breaking point. 

Frustrated, you say slowly, “Then just say that, instead of ignoring me.” 

Hoseok closes his eyes and sighs, nodding his head before speaking, “you're right I'm sorry. I just have a lot on my mind and I am not sure how to bring any of what I'm thinking about up.” 

“Hobi, just say it. We agreed on clear communication when we realized that this was going to be more than just a one night stand.” You sigh, beginning to walk in the direction of his couch, stringing him along. “Whatever is on your mind, just say it.” You push him onto his couch and take the seat next to him, your body fully facing his, and you fold your legs beneath you. 

He nods, running a hand down his face. “I don't think this is working anymore.” He whispers, eyes trained on his ceiling. 

Okay you were definitely not expecting that, but instead of voicing your surprise, you squeeze his hand. Encouraging him to continue. 

He does, “I think I'm slowly falling for you, well I don't know I'm confused about my feelings.” He whispers the end and falls quiet. 

As much as you want to run away and hide at his confession. He looks troubled and you wouldn't be a good friend if you just left him to wallow in his thoughts. No matter the pressure that has settled in your chest. Or the fact that your heart thinks you're running a marathon, making your ears feel like they're about to fall off too. 

With every passing moment you're finding that it's getting harder to breathe. You aren't dumb, the atmosphere has also changed, but it isn't because of his confession. It's because you are also a bit confused about your feelings.

You clear your throat, “W-What are you confused about?” 

He stops his staring game with the ceiling, shifting his whole body to finally face you. “Do you know why both Kook and Joon are so against us?” 

The question throws you off guard but you suppose it has to do with what he's going through. You do have an idea as to why your friends are raising a brow at your relationship. Jungkook’s warning the first day you met the barista is enough for you to get a rough idea of what they mean. But you want to hear it from him. 

Still you don't know if you can trust your voice so you shake your head. 

He continues, “I've never been in a relationship because I don't trust people to love me the way I know I can love them. So, I just sleep around, and when I get bored I break it off.” 

 “I know. They warned me about you when you immediately showed interest. And trust me I knew what I signed up for when we agreed to keep seeing each other. I don't expect anything more than what we are doing.” You tilt your head to the side.

“I know that's why I'm confused. At first that's all I expected and wanted. But then I don't know I feel so full and empty when I'm with you. I don't want you to leave when the night is over. You're the last thing I think about and the first thing I want to see. I've never felt this sure and comfortable with anyone ever, and I don't know what to do because we both know this isn't forever, your forever is with someone else, and so is mine. But for now I just want to be with you and know what it's like to fall in love and with you.” He takes a deep breath. “Even if it's just for a little bit. You know that next year I'll be leaving for that design school, and I'm sorry but nothing and no one is going to stop me. I've waited too long for this opportunity. I know I'm being selfish to ask you this, but can you please find it in your heart to let me be yours until then?” 

Hoseok finishes. And you're left to your own devices. To deal with your emotions as they spill out of you in hot tears. You've never had someone confess to you so passionately before. Actually nobody has ever bothered. And even though it's semi depressing you can't help but feel on cloud nine with all his words wrapping around you in the warmth that he radiates. 

Without thinking you kneel, and wrap your arms around his neck. “Okay let's do it.” You beam and he matches your smile. He leans in to kiss you but you place your hand over his mouth to stop him. 

Confusion plagues him like a bitter sting. You laugh, “But only if you agree that when everything is over there's no drama between us, and if I ever get married you have to design my wedding dress.” You remove your hand, and cradle his cheek, rub your thumb over his eyebrow. 

He chuckles, rolling his eyes. “You will get married.” 

“Nah, but it's okay. I've accepted my faith.” You shrug, resting your forehead against his. His hands come up your cheek, squishing them slightly.

“You will honey cakes, that's why I'm already planning your dress design in my head.” He wipes your forgotten tears, and tilts your head to the side. 

You feel your breathing get faster, as his heart shaped lips rest centimeters apart. “How are you so sure?” You whisper, swallowing thickly at the end. 

He smirks, with a glint in his eye. Like he knows something you don't, “because I know someone who is also falling for you but they’re to dumb to notice “ 

“Who?” 

“Secret,” he says before finally crashing his lips onto yours.

Hoseok’s room is equally as loud as his living room. It’s a little more diluted with simple decorations and a huge abstract painting on the wall in front of his bed. His bed takes up most of his space, adoring a black duvet with black sheets. He has three pillows and two of those you’ve taken ownership of. His brown dresser holds little trinkets of things he buys or finds in the pockets of his pants. It’s also home to a series of designer colognes. Your favorite one was definitely Terre d'Hermes. Somehow the smell always fills with comfort. 

Your favorite part of his room–other than his bed–was his desk. They say you can tell a lot about a person by just looking at their work space. 

He’s a messy artist. His sketches are always thrown around, or pinned on the corkboard hanging over his desk. He has two bookshelves filled with sketchbooks and magazines. Sometimes if you’re lucky he will leave his sketchbooks open, awarding you with a small glance of his work. He has different notebooks for different magazine cutouts. Each one labeled something like, ‘street’ or ‘formal’ or ‘one-day.’ The latter always peaks your interest but you’ve never thought to ask. He has a thousand different sketching materials, and so many colorful markers. You just know that he was that kid in class with the sixty-four crayola back. 

He's passionate about his craft. A passion that shines through everything that he does. Especially when he’s sharing that passion with you. Now, as he lays you down onto his soft mattress. He kisses his way down your neck, slowly pushing your shirt up to reveal your stomach and the few stretch marks that appeared one day in your early adolescent years. 

For years it was hard to be intimate with someone in fear that they would disgust your partner. But the one thing you learned while growing up was that most men didn’t give a shit unless they were getting it. 

Yet Hoseok, your boyfriend, now. 

He cares. 

In a good way. The first time he saw you naked he almost came in his jeans. Your curves were all in the right places. You have enough skin to grip onto, and he loves all the marks and imperfections your body has. 

He couldn’t understand why you were so beautiful in the soft glow of his bedroom lights? Why he didn’t have the words to describe how his heart was literally beating against his ribcage?  Why for the first time in his casual dating experience he feared he wouldn't be able to give you the pleasure you deserved? 

So, that first night together, he took his time. Trying to get his thoughts under control. He painted your body with featherlight kisses. Determined to leave his trace imprinted in your body for however long you two would engage with each other. 

Everytime you came over. He did just that. He took his time, choreographing a dance with your body. It was a no-brainer that he had fallen for you. Something he knew shouldn’t have happened. He had plans for himself. He had a future mapped out since he was teenage. Though, he had the sneaking suspicion that you wouldn’t stop him from achieving his goals. That you would support him through everything. He should’ve stopped his feelings for you from growing. 

He kept them quiet until his portfolio got accepted. Until he saw the brief glances Namjoon gave you when he thought you weren’t looking. Perhaps it was the jealousy that made him confess. Or that his time with you was now limited. Whatever the reason was that led him to his confession, he only hoped that you felt the same. 

You giggle, the beautiful melodic sound grounds him as he wraps a calloused hand around your right breast, circling his thumb around the pebble. 

You're his girlfriend now. 

He, your boyfriend and he will bring down the moon for you tonight if you asked him too. 

“What’s so funny?” His curious stare meets your amused one. 

You had failed to keep your giggles at bay while he made out with you on his couch. He let a few of his own out when he had had enough of kissing and grinding in his living room, and guided you into his room. 

He loved the sound, and he loved that it was only because after months of dancing this tango you were still shy underneath him. 

“Nothing, it’s just that Mickey is staring at us.” You whisper gasping when he grinds his lower half against yours. Hoseok playfully rolls his eyes, reaching and turning around the newly added picture of his family dog on his bedside table. No more prying dog or human eyes around to interrupt the two of you. 

His attention returns to you. Gaze burning with lust as he leans down, pecking your lips lightly. “Can you stay over?” He says, kneading your breast again. The teasing touches were driving you insane. But this is how you preferred it. Slow and intense, tangling your body with his, until the two of you became one. 

“I’ll make an exception if you promise to drive me to my class tomorrow with a free coffee.” You smile, pushing your chest into his hand. 

He shook his head, reaching down to your lips. “Hustler.” He mumbles, capturing your mouth in a slow sensual kiss. “You got yourself a deal baby girl.” 

Your body shudders at the nickname. He only used it when it was just the two of you. He knew the effect it had on you. “Can I take your shirt off now?” He smirks. 

You let out a pleasurable sigh, nodding your head, before verbalizing a soft, “yes.” 

He pulls away, sitting back on his heels, peeling his shirt off before helping you with yours. He discards the two of them somewhere behind him. He pulls you towards him again, resting his forehead against yours. A bright smile adorning his perfect face. 

It makes your stomach crumble, knowing that from this moment on.

Hoseok would always be the one who got away. 

Your big “what if.” 

Your biggest treasure. Your safe place. Your blueprint for a future with someone else. The love story that was made to end. But one that burned so bright that would have you telling your future daughter to never be afraid of love. 

“Can we go slow today?” You run your hands down his torso, playing with the belt buckle of his expensive belt. 

“I’ll go at whatever pace you want me to go, baby girl.” He reassures,  his fingers play with the bra strap that had fallen down your shoulder. 

You tilt your head, looking at him with soft eyes. And he swears he feels himself melt. 

The next few minutes were a mess of soft kisses and clothes being discarded. Each article of clothing, landing with a soft ‘thud’ against his bedroom floor. You’re on cloud nine, his lips kiss down your neck, your collarbone. His hands part your thighs, baring your cunt to him. He sits back, mouth watering at how wet you are. He couldn’t wait for a taste. 

He could never wait. And he never did. 

He kisses your mound before wrapping his lips around your clit. He savors the sigh that escapes your mouth. He smirks when he immediately feels you grip his hair, pushing him further. Just like he couldn’t resist, you also couldn’t.

He sucked, distracting you from his finger circling around your entrance making you gasp in surprise when you feel him insert one. Slowly thrusting it as he licked you like a man who has been starved for weeks. 

“Hobi,” You sigh, pushing his head further. He fingers you faster until he feels you clench around him, and he stops, making you whine. 

“Please,” you plead. He chuckles against you, inserting another finger. This time he doesn’t give you time to adjust. You feel him thrust into you with no hesitation. His mouth sucking on your clit, swirling his tongue around it playing with the nub. 

You were withering, moaning his name, and anything your mind could conjure up in this moment. 

Overwhelmed with blissful pleasure, you grip his bed sheets, bucking your hips into his face. He groans, knowing you were on edge from how tight your grip on his head was now. And he did the one thing he knew would drive you insane. He slowed down, until he came to a complete stop. 

“Hoseok,” you groan, slamming your hand onto his comforter. He chuckles, lifting his head. Your body was flushed, your lips swollen, your hair splayed out around you. He loves bringing you to this moment. 

“You said you wanted slow.” He grins, taking his fingers out of your pussy. Loving the way it clenched over nothing now. Almost as if it was begging to be played with again. 

You roll your eyes, pouting. “Not this slow. I want to come.” You say, sitting up on your elbows. 

“Oh baby you will.” He winks, licking his fingers clean. He leans over, pecking your lips quickly. “You will come as many times as you want. But I want the first one to be around my cock tonight.” 

You gasp at his words. You knew his mouth was lethal but sometimes it still surprises you. The lust lacing with his soft timbre made you weak in the knees. 

“Fuck,” you whisper, grabbing his face and kissing him hard. 

The word ‘slow’ is forgotten from either of your vocabularies, while the two of you kiss hungrily. Sucking on tongues, teeth clashing, hands touching and clutching onto anything and everything. 

Hoseok lays you down on your side, climbing in behind you. His teeth nips at your bottom lip and he wrapped your leg around his hips. He kisses down your neck, while you help guide his cock to your entrance. He locks his eyes with yours as he slowly pushes himself in. His arms wrap around your torso, and he pushes you closer to his chest. 

Both of your heartbeats are in sync. Racing against the clock, basking in pleasure that you never want it to end. 

“Move please.” You say, lifting your face to kiss him. 

He begins to move his hips, making you gasp into each other's mouths. It’s a sloppy pace from the start but you don't care. You want more, so you met his thrusts halfway. One of his hands palms at your breast. He alternates between swallowing your moans and leaving his mark on anything he can get his lips on. 

“B-Baby.” He moans, resting his forehead on yours. “I’m close, are you?” He thrusts, letting out a low moan when he feels you clench around him.

He didn’t give you a minute to answer, before he was lifting your leg higher around his waist, allowing himself to reach the deepest part of you. “Touch yourself baby.” 

You moan his name, letting go of his hand, your finger meeting your clit, rubbing it in circles. Trying to keep up with his unrelenting pace. And soon you feel him still behind you, eyes shutting in pleasure as he spills himself inside of you. His orgasm triggers the coil in the pit of your stomach as you feel your release wash over you in a tidal wave, making you push his cock and cum out of you. His fingers frantically come down to meet yours as he helps you ride out your wave. He whispers praises against your skin while you come down.

Hoseok kisses your lips slowly, chuckling before whispering words that you will forever hold near and dear to your heart. 

“I love you.” He pushes your hair away from your face. “I love you so much to know that one day I’ll have to let you go.”

You giggle, turning in his arms, nuzzling your head into his neck. “I love you.” 

You feel him laugh, twinkling his fingers down your spine, “Let’s get matching tattoos.” 

You look up at him, raising a brow before shaking your head. “You just made me squirt, told me you loved me, and now you want to get matching tattoos?” 

“What better way to commemorate the best ego boost.” He shrugs. 

“You’re insane.” You untangle yourself from his embrace. You stand up, putting on his shirt. 

“I didn’t hear a no.” He says smugly, putting his arms underneath his head. 

“Because you’re an insane idiot who makes me agree to things like these.” You smile, before walking out of his room. 

“Great, I’ll make an appointment.” He shouts after you, “I love you.” He adds after a moment. 

You enter his kitchen, and turn on the lights. You can feel your smile take up your entire face. For a moment you realize that for the first time in a long time you felt happy. 

So yeah, maybe, things were finally looking up. 

“You’re late.”

Namjoon says after taking a slow sip from his coffee. He looks at you from over the rim of his glasses. 

You roll your eyes, setting your bag down on the empty chair. “It's raining, and I forgot my umbrella. I had to wait for the rain to stop.”

“You could’ve texted to let me know.” He shrugs, setting his cup down on the coaster and flipping the page of his book. 

You sigh, before (gently) throwing your phone onto the table. “It’s dead. And before you ask, no I didn’t bring a charger. No, Jungkook wasn’t in class today so he couldn’t give me a charger, an umbrella, or a ride. Jimin is sick. And Taehyung doesn’t even go to our school. He's probably getting high with his new fling, so I wouldn’t have been able to ask him either.” You say, listing all the solutions he would’ve thought about in seconds. 

“Mhm,” he nods, closing his book. “And your boyfriend?”

Annoyed, you let out a whine, crossing your arms in front of you. “I don’t know, let me go downstairs and ask him. I’m sure he can stop managing a business to give me an umbrella.” 

Namjoon leans his elbows against the table. “Trouble in paradise?” He tilts his head, clasping his hands on top of his book. 

You shake your head, pulling out your chair and slumping down in it. “Hobi and I are fine. It’s not like he’s leaving in two months or anything.” You throw your hands up in exasperation. 

It’s month seven into your shining relationship with Hoseok, and you should’ve known that things would start to hit the fan sooner rather than Later. Your boyfriend was in the middle of the most tumultuous change of his life. Things were moving quickly and his time dedicated to you was bumped down his monstrous daily to-do list. 

Yet you couldn’t do or say anything because isn’t this what you signed up for? 

“Ah, so there is trouble.” Namjoon chuckles before opening his book again, setting his fancy leather bookmark aside. “This is exactly why I don’t do relationships, they just attract problems.” He adds, giving you a pointed look. 

You roll your eyes, “Shut up asshole, not all of us can be like you and Rina.” 

“Sure you can, it's simple just don't attach any strings to it.” He shrugs, underlining a sentence in his book. 

“Two people who have been only exclusively seeing each other for years literally the definition of strings attached. You can keep denying it all you want but she’s your girlfriend. You guys do all the couple-y stuff.” You grumble, leaning back in your chair, looking out of the window. The gloomy weather adds to your shitty mood. 

“She’s not, we are not dating, and I don’t need to talk about this with you again. Rina and I are on the same page.” He finishes, taking a long sip from his coffee.

“Well, how would you feel if Rina was spending time with another guy, completely ignoring your presence when you walk into her coffee shop all wet and angry because your professor basically told you your topic for your essay was shit.”

Namjoon smirks, leaning back in his chair. “Sounds like you’re jealous of Yuri.” 

“So what if I am?” You bite, “I understand that he’s training her to take over his position, but all he talks about is her and what he needs to teach her when we’re together. And whenever I come in they’re always laughing at something behind the coffee machine. And I know she’s nice and all but I would like his attention too.” You scoff. 

Namjoon hums, tapping his index finger against the table. “Do you trust him?” 

The question doesn’t catch you off guard, the obvious answer is on the tip of your tongue. But with how things have been going lately. You can’t help but hesitate. 

“I don’t know anymore.” You whisper looking down at your hands, turning the ring on your middle finger. “I know I should, and I do…I think I do. It’s just things have been so shit lately and I feel like a burden to him because of everything he has to do.” 

Namjoon lightly kicks your foot under the table, making you raise your head to meet his gaze. “I don’t know if I am being of much help, but he loves you. I know that whatever is happening he’s not doing it intentionally. Just talk to him about it.” 

If only it were that easy. 

“I’d love to but he never has time.” 

“Why not talk to him now then.” He says reaching into his bag to take out his cigarettes and lighter. 

“He’s busy downstairs with Yu–” 

“No, I’m not busy now.” 

You jump at the sound of your boyfriend's voice. You turn your head to look at him. A small tray with a mug of probably chamomile tea on top of it. His hair is shorter than the last time you saw him two days ago. He got a haircut and didn’t even tell you about it. That’s how low you have made it on his list. He can’t even send you a stupid picture of his new haircut. He can’t even send you a ‘goodmorning’ or ‘goodnight’ text. He also probably forgot that you were nervous for the meeting with your professor about your essay topic.

All these realizations make you want to roll into a ball and cry. You knew your time with Hoseok was limited. You just didn’t expect for the end to be so torturous. 

“That’s what I told her.” Namjoon speaks, narrowing his eyes at you for a second before turning his attention to his best friend. “She’s jealous of Yuri, because you’ve been spending too much time with her.” He shrugs, walking quickly to the stairs before you can bury him ten feet underground. 

You hear Hoseok let out a heavy sigh, and take the seat next to you. “Honeycakes,” he starts.

“Nice haircut.” You interrupt, slumping into your chair more. It earns another heavy sigh from the man sitting next to you. 

“Is Yuri the reason why you’ve been so upset lately?” He says placing a hand on top of your knee underneath the table. 

You let out a dry laugh before shaking your head. “No, it’s not her. It’s how you’ve been acting lately, it’s the time you’ve been spending with her. It's never having time for me anymore. It’s forgetting our date last week. It’s not even telling me that you got a haircut.” You finish, closing your fists to keep yourself from crying. 

Hoseok gives your thigh a squeeze before leaning back in his chair. “You know how things have been lately. I’m trying so hard to do everything I need to do. I don’t mean to be so dismissive but I can’t juggle everything at the same time.” 

You flick off a piece of lint from your jeans. “It’s nice to know that I’m just something you juggle around.” 

“That’s not what I meant. You knew what would happen when I started my application process. You said you understood.” 

“I did, or I thought I did Hoseok. I didn’t think I would become so secondary to you.” You sniffle. “I love that you’re chasing your dreams, but this is me trying to support you. I’m trying to understand how you’re feeling. But you stop me. You have shut me out and now I’m just something you remember sometimes.” You close your eyes, feeling the tears fall down your cheeks. 

The last thing you wanted was to be crying like this in public. 

“I-I want you to tell me when you’re having a hard time like you used to. I want you to feel like you can relax around me when we’re together. But every time we are together, we either argue, you don’t talk, or you talk about work, deadlines, or how you can’t wait to move. How do you think that makes me feel Hoseok?” 

Hoseok sighs, and wraps his arm around your shoulders. “I’m sorry.” He kisses your temple. “I wish you would’ve told me earlier before it got to this point.” He whispers, rubbing your back, while you lean your head onto his shoulder. 

“But Hobi like you said, this is what I signed up for. This is what I agreed to.”  You add bitterly. 

“Yes Honeycakes, but you’re still my girlfriend. And I know that I haven’t been the best boyfriend lately, but I do care about you and I do love you.” He lifts your head from his shoulder. He gently grabs hold of your face, making you look at him. “Just like how you want me to talk to you when something is bothering me, I also want you to talk to me.” 

You close your head sighing, “You’re right, I’m sorry that I keep making things difficult.” 

He shakes his head. “You don’t. I’m the one that can’t seem to keep my girlfriend from doubting me. I’m the one who hasn’t told her how much I yearn to be in her presence at every waking moment.” He says, his thumbs wiping away your tears. “I love you, and I think that’s why I’ve been so avoidant lately. I know that our days are numbered and I would rather ignore the fact that I’m moving away soon than cherish the moments I get to spend with my family, my friends and you.” 

You nod, holding out your pinky out to him. “I promise to keep trying my best.” 

He hooks his pinky with yours bringing your laced fingers up to his lips. “I promise to keep trying my best too.” 

“I love you,” You whisper, letting go of his finger and wrapping your arms around his waist. 

His low laugh makes his chest vibrate against your head, “I love you.” He adds, rubbing soothing circles over your back. “Now, can you please drink your tea before you get a cold. I texted you earlier asking if you needed an umbrella but you didn’t answer. And now look at you coming in here all pouty and wet.”  

You raise your head to look at him, opening your mouth to speak, only to be interrupted by the forgotten voice of your friend. “Her phone’s dead.” Namjoon throws his lighter onto the wooden table. 

Hoseok tsks shaking his head, reaching over to push the tray of your lukewarm tea closer to you. “I should’ve known. I knew you didn’t charge it last night, just like I knew that you left your umbrella at my place.” He pinches your cheek. “How did your meeting go?” 

“He basically said that I need to restart my essay topic over again.”

Hoseok laughs, bopping your nose with his own. “Well did he say those exact words?” 

“No but it was basically implied.”  You emphasize. 

“Fine, I’ll talk to your study partner if my baby isn’t being told that she’s a genius all the time, then what am I paying him for.” He jokes, which earns a glare from said study partner. 

“You’re not paying me, idiot.” Namjoon rolls his eyes, grabbing his brown leather messenger back and stuffing his cigarettes into the front pocket. 

He’s grateful that he came back to smiles and not tears. The stoicness of his actions makes the two of you laugh hard. Your laugh resonates longer in his mind. It always does. No matter how much he tries to deny it. You always resonate longer in his mind. But he pushes that fleeting thought aside. 

Namjoon is happy. 

His friends are happy. 

Things in his life were finally looking up. 

“I have to go, but don’t be late next time and charge your phone.” He says hoisting his bag onto his shoulders. 

You nod, saluting in his direction, before bursting out into a fit of giggles as Hoseok tickles your side. 

Namjoon doesn’t stay for longer than he needs to. He’s already running late to meet Rina, but he can’t hide the smile taking up his space.

He can’t help but feel proud that things were finally looking up for you too. 

a/n: I hope you have enjoyed it. I will try not to be so MIA and upload a little more frequently rather than every 6 months haha. But my life has been pretty busy lately. In the past few months. I have moved to a different part of Seoul and I got a new job. I basically just hang out with my friends when I have free time haha. I also do dance class 3 times a week, and I started personal training last week. But I will try to manage my time better because I do miss writing and this story!

[nikkialena]

That Time I Got Reincarnated As A Demon In Demon Slayer...

A heavy sigh falls from your lips as you balance on a single beam of metal hundreds of feet off the ground, you tilt and sway playing a morid game of chance. High up on the rooftops of luxury-end buildings, at a party where you don't belong. It's a beautiful night in May, so you're wearing a short black dress that reaches almost all the way down your thighs.  Your long hair is flowing around you like silk in the breeze. There are several people on balconies looking at the view, but they aren’t paying attention to you.

As per usual, you could jump right now, and they probably wouldn't even bat an eye. That's how it's always been, nobody ever noticed you unless they wanted something, and even then it was more like a passing interest rather than genuine curiosity. You didn't really have friends here, or even acquaintances. You just existed....which is why you decided to play this game, see how long you walk on this tiny little beam before the wind knocks you off, you wobble and fall, or until you make it to the other side. But even if you made it to the other side you'd still need to cross it again, no one would miss you if you were gone anyway.....no family no friends, no purpose, you were just another face in the crowd none probably even knew your name.  Just another nobody dreaming of doing something great but became stunted by student loans, anxiety issues, and a crippling sense of inadequacy. You can barely do anything right. So maybe in death people will notice....maybe people will change, and become better.

And if it takes a sacrifice then so be it, with a heavy sigh place one foot in front of the other...but your ankles buckle and your body tumbles off the side sending you free-falling. The wind whips your hair into your face and the cold air chills you to the bone. For a second it feels....almost euphoric, you feel right and weightless in a way that you never had in life. As you plummet to the ground you close your eyes, the last thing to reach your ears being a soft shout of "Y/N". Look at that someone did know you're name, when you hit the ground you expect pain. But it never comes, instead, the ground feels soft...nothing like a city sidewalk should feel.

There's no honking cars or horrified passerby's screaming either so you open your eyes, looking around confused instead of the city streets of L.A. you find yourself in a lush forest. It almost seems familiar but you don't really know from what. You can just barely make out the sound of voices speaking above you, everything's blurry and unfocused as your eyes try and adjust to the dark, you feel yourself being hoisted up by a set of strong arms you're cradled gently, and being moved. "A-....yo- ight?" The voice calm and deep speaks but it's like your brain was scrambled all you could make out was a blur of blue eyes and inky black hair, "I-I'm fine" you manage to stutter as you blink a couple of times to settle your eyes.

Looking up you saw a beautiful man with pale skin, he was looking down at you with glass eyes, so beautiful yet so....impassive. You were momentarily stunned, so much so that you didn't hear him asking you a question..."Are you injured he asked" and you slowly shook your head. "Um" is all you utter before he notices the trail of blood spilling down your face, "that's a nasty head wound...I know someone who can help hold on". You try and do as he says, but you find yourself slipping from consciousness as your head became light. A sharp pain in your head startles you awake, and your eyes flutter rapidly as you try and make sense of everything. The man from before is gone, and you find yourself kneeling in a circle with six other people. Only they weren't normal people, not by a long shot, one of them the closest was tall with flowing ash blonde hair and the most peculiar Iridescent eyes, his smile was wide but.....not friendly it was predatory in nature.

"Y/N-chan Y/N-chan falling asleep while the Masters talking, how rude" he spoke in a low tone while he crawled towards you. Your lips parted briefly to respond when suddenly your face was splattered with warm crimson spray, as another one of the people kicked the other male's head clean off. You flinch at the sudden display of aggression and furiously try and wipe the blood from your face as the new male was grappled by another one and forced into a kneeling position, "Akaza......Douma....the Master has called us here for important matters, not another one of your senseless battles. Handle your issues later and stop interrupting" the tallest of the three males spoke glaring down at you with his six golden eyes. 

"Am I boring you?" A  smooth accented voice emerged from the darkness, you felt your lungs constrict as you took in the ethereal beauty of the man before you, he had piercing crimson eyes that seemed to glow in the dimly lit room. A strong jaw that could cut glass sat under a flawless pale complexion with long wavy black hair that framed his face elegantly, it flowed down his back like ink spilling off a pen. Even his clothes were elegant, he had an expensive leather vest over a white button-up long-sleeve shirt, black slacks, and chestnut brown loafers.  He slowly strode towards you, lips set in a line and brows furrowed as he glared at you as if you were an....oddity.

He gingerly lifted your face with his thumb and forefinger to inspect you closer, taking in every detail of you with a slight tilt of his head. After a painstakingly long minute that felt like an eternity, he murmured, "I....didn't make you...who are you?"  You opened your mouth to speak when suddenly his touch became cruel, grabbing a handful of your [H/C] and in one swift movement yanked your head clean from your shoulders. He tossed your head aside like discarded trash as you gasped at your own body. Panic-stricken, tears well up in your eyes as you stared down at your own severed body, then up at him. He simply wipes his hand with a white handkerchief shrugging his shoulders and not even sparing you a glance "actually I don't care" is the last word you hear him speak before your eyes close. Your body lurches up and out of bed as you frantically grasp at your neck, sobbing and gasping for breath, you hit the floor and scramble into a corner eyes bouncing around the room as you try and piece together what just happened. 

Yet again you're in a different place, this time what appears to be a dimly lit infirmary, the sound of footsteps reigns in your senses as you look around for a weapon and settle on a glass vase. Dumping out its contents, you ready the vase and hide behind the door waiting until you see the first footstep through the door.  With as much strength as you can muster, you slam the glass vase over the head of the black-haired man you saw before, he stumbled a little bit clutching his head and you immediately feel remorseful,  "I-I'm so sorry" you whisper helping him to his feet only to be startled by a strange creature with body of a boy but the head of a boar charging into the room and running on all fours straight at you.

You instinctively pick up a glass shard and stab it before leaping out of the window, you slip and slide down the hillside before breaking into a full-on sprint. Where are you going, you're not sure but all you know is you want to put some distance between you and whatever that thing was. Although you don't make it far because you're not exactly in shape,  huffing and puffing you come to a stop at a babbling river leaning down to drink some of the cool water when you see something moving in the reflection. You pick up a sharp and toss it over your shoulder but the man from before catches it, "easy...if you move too much you could reopen your wounds" he spoke calmly slowly approaching you with his hands held out in front of him.

"S-stay back," you say taking shakey steps back, "you're hurt...you should be resting" he continued "I said get back" you shout weakly tossing another rock at him which he easily dodged. "You're hurt and confused you need to rest" he spoke softly stepping into the moonlight, as the light encased him you recognized him from somewhere, but you weren't exactly sure where. 

But Before you could put your metaphorical finger on where, you were tackled from the bushes by the strange boar man and your head hit the floor landing on a rock and sending you right back to unconsciousness.  Once again you woke up in a new place, this time somewhere in a forest. You stumble around aimlessly lost and confused until you misstep and fall face-first into a river, you flair about uselessly as the cold current hits your face and numbs you instantly. Splashing about as you try and fight against the current but you can't swim...and you'd never bothered to learn to because you were too insecure about your weight to wear swimsuits throughout the practice,  but now you're struggling for your life trying desperately to float or stay on the surface.

But the current proves to be too strong, and you're swept down the river like a ragdoll. Your arms and legs scrap against rocks and sharp thorns and eventually give way under the pressure of the current, you let out a muffled gasp before your body disappears beneath the surface of the water. However, as you sink below into the murky depths what looked like a thin black whip with a bone-like claw at the end plunged into the water.

Coiling around your waist hoisting you out of the water and carelessly dropping you on the bank, you gasp aloud coughing up water and sputtering softly as your hands slowly drag yourself further up the most muddy river bank and away from the cold river water.  "I see we meet again, I thought your scent smelt familiar..... you're a peculiar one huh?" A familiar voice spoke as you gazed up at the crimson-eyed man that had ripped your head off, "I-It's you" you wheezed rubbing your throat and drinking in air like it was your last.

"W-who are you?" You ask slowly repositioning yourself into a seated position as he glares down at you "I should be asking you that, I have no recollection of you, and yet my demons seem to". He pondered to himself pacing slowly, but your eyes were too busy tracking the whip-like tentacle slowly remerging with his body, what the hell was that? You thought and he peered over his shoulder at you, "It's one of my arm whips I have a question for you now, who are you, and where did you come from?" "That's two questions" you mumble and he glared at you, in the blink of an eye that same whip lashed out at you quick as light and you just barely managed to dodge. The whip effortlessly fell the tree behind you, then circled back around to wrap around your throat and yank you closer. The sharp tip prodes uncomfortably into the flesh of your chin as he stares deep into the very depths of your soul. 

"Do I look like the kind of man that enjoys  repeating myself?!" He yelled and you could taste the iron tang of blood on your tongue as his whip tightened around your throat painfully.  "I-I'm.... f-from California.... L. A." you squeak and he releases his grip, taking a step back as he gently rests his head in his palm.  "I've never heard of that place" he muttered to himself, "where is that on the map?" He asked turning his cold gaze to you once more, but you simply rubbed your throat and coughed. "it's like on the edge of America" you wheezed and he looked puzzled again. "America?" He echoed brows furrowing slowly, "what nonsense are you  talking about?"

He asked impatiently. "I've never heard of America or this" he scrunches his nose up as if disgusted "California...where did you really come from?" He hissed baring his sharp teeth, are those fangs? You whispered in the back of your mind, "yes" he snapped "Now answer my question" he growled and you flinched holding your head as if that would keep him from reading your thoughts.

"H-How are you doing that?"  you murmur mystified and he loses patience pinching the bridge of his nose, before you can even blink the whip is around your neck again. There's a flicker of pain and then your head's rolling down the bank into the river as he murmurs "I have better things to do with my time than waste it on an imbecile".

The next time you wake it's in the same room as you previously were, only this time you were tied down to the bed with thick obi sashes, panic began to set in before you saw something moving in the corner of your eye. "Oh good you're awake, It's been a day I thought you were going to be comatose" a calming yet slightly raspy voice spoke, blinking the sleep from your eyes you saw it was the same man you hit on the head with a vase.  You wince slightly as you see the slightly crimson-stained bandages wrapped around his head, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to hit you" you murmured softly as he looked down at you with those hauntingly blue eyes of his.

"Don't worry about that I deserved it" he replied flatly "I brought you to somewhere unfamiliar, then barged into the room without announcing my presence, I  must have frightened you terribly" he spoke in such a somber tone that you felt worse.

"Um can you untie me please?" You asked softly and he hesitated for a minute before looking over his shoulder and nodding once, he then began to untie the sashes slowly as you simply watched. He was quite the handsome man, with his raven hair that spilled down his shoulders and back like spikey dark curtains framing his face making him appear even more imposing.  His skin was pale like snow yet perfectly sculpted and almost ethereal in nature, complimented by his long lashes and almond-shaped eyes he was quite breathtaking. Yet he seemed sooo.....stiff and unapproachable, "thank you" you mumble rubbing your wrist and sitting up as he finished.

"My name is Giyuu Tomioka, sorry I should've introduced myself sooner" he spoke quietly "I'm Y/N L/N....w-wait did you say Giyuu....like from Demon Slayer?" Giyuu tilted his head at you brows furrowing slightly in confusion, "um" he spoke scratching his cheek "w-well I am a demon slayer....a Hashira actually...b-but I'm not from any place named demon slayer...I wasn't even aware that was a place" he murmured the last part to himself. Meanwhile, your mind was reeling, how the hell could he be Giyuu from Demon Slayer? It just didn't make any logical sense, and yet....he was an exact copy of Giyuu hoari and all....He simply looked at you confused and you stared back unsure what was going on or how to even process any of it.

But then an echo of footsteps drew your attention to the doorway, "Giyuu" a feminine voice spoke making the latter flinch "I see you've released our guest from their binds....after I specifically asked you not to" Giyuu's eyes hit the floor and he shuffled awkwardly clearly unsettled. "W-Well I thought, maybe she wouldn't freak out as much when she wakes if-",  " but I didn't ask you to think" the woman speaks over him and he looks up at her for a split second like a kicked puppy then quickly averts his gaze again in a huff, "S-Shinobu" he murmured. "I don't think she's a demon", he whispered looking at you and then back to Shinobu. " Well she's certainly not human, no pulse, she wasn't even breathing till a moment ago", Shinobu speaks smiling at you but the smile is completely fake, it is obvious she doesn't like you. 

As Shinobu took a step closer to you, Giyuu stepped in her path placing his hand on the hilt of his nichirnblade as she mirrored him "I don't care if she's not a demon, the first time we get a glimpse of Muzan Kibutsuji and she just happens to be around? And he didn't kill her on sight, she's either a demon an abomination or an accomplice  either way she dies tonight." 

You flinched back falling off the bed she lunged for you but Giyuu swiftly blonde her blade with his own kicking her in the stomach sending her sliding back on her feet, "what was even the purpose of bandaging her up then?" Giyuu asked as you stood to your feet looking at the window and debating how far you'd get if you tried to run again, "well I thought we could wrangle some questions out of her but after thinking it over, I think I'd rather see her dead". 

"What the fuck!" You mutter and she looks at you with cold purple  irises glaring daggers, "sorry not sorry rather be safe than sorry you may not be a demon, but what if you're something new, I'd rather squash any new threat before it begins don't you think?" Giyuu blocked yet another slash heading your way and backed you closer to the window which you were preparing to jump out of, Shinobu then glared at Giyuu "you know I'm really starting to question your loyalty to the  cause, this is the second time you've defended a demon is this your subtle way of telling us something we need to know Giyuu?"

She spoke venomously while attacking relentlessly "she's not a demon...we're surrounded by wisteria if she was a demon wouldn't she be having some sort of reaction?" Giyuu tried to reason but Shinobu wasn't having any of it knocking his blade from his hand and striking at you Giyuu pushed you aside taking a slash across the eye, "Giyuu" you shout watching the blood pool down his face like a crimson mask you turn to Shinobu with a hiss somehow flinging Shinobu through the wall with a flick of your finger.

Both you and Giyuu turned to each other shocked and perplexed as Shinobu hit the wall and let out a  small groan "SHE'S NOT A DEMON GIYUU?" She hissed in angry sarcasm as both you and Giyuu bolted out of the window and just ran, but you were slowing down so Giyuu scooped you up and tossed you over his shoulder.

"I-I didn't know that was gonna happen I swear" you said somewhat panicky to Giyuu as he gently set you down and peeked over the large rock to see if Shinobu was chasing, when he saw she wasn't he turned to you. "Answer me this one question" he spoke calmly "where did you come from?"  He asked and you looked down at your feet, you contemplated lying to him because you really weren't sure but he was the only one who hadn't threatened you. "I-.....I-I don't know, okay I woke up in a forest I think I might've fallen from the sky, I know that sounds ridiculous but I-I swear it's the truth" you plead as tears fall from your eyes and you began to break down in sobs.  

He gently rested a hand on your back and smiled gently at you, "I believe you" he murmured softly taking off his hoari and draping it over your shoulders, "why?" You asked confused wiping your tears and sniffling softly "I-I mean it happened to me and I wouldn't even believe me" , Giyuu simply washed the cut on his eye with some river water and tore a piece of his uniform off to wrap it up, "because I saw it happen" he peeked over the rock again to make sure Shinobu wasn't following once more but returned his gaze to you. "I was patrolling when you just out of nowhere fell on me from the sky, and at first I thought you were some kind of demon...but then you didn't get up, and you were injured and bleeding...and also you didn't attack me so I figured you're just a really strange person".

You feel somewhat relieved to at least have someone to rely on, but then you're struck again with the news....that somehow....you magically got transported to the world of Demon Slayer, what the hell am I supposed to do now? You thought clutching your head as Giyuu just watched you casually, "I might know someone who can help" he spoke snapping you out of your thoughts, "since when could you read minds?" You asked flabbergasted and he just tilted his head at you, "I can't I just thought you might need help, follow me" he said slowly and you tried to walk but your ankle gave out. You must have twisted your ankle while running, noticing this Giyuu offers you his back and you smile but hesitate, you're not exactly the skinniest girl...and you wouldn't want him to hurt his back so you simply shake your head "I-It's fine I'll just walk" Giyuu squinted at you before walking up to you and hoisting you up as if you weighed nothing.  He then slung you onto his back where sat comfortably at his hips, slowly wrapping your legs around them and your arms around his neck, "you shouldn't push yourself when you're hurt" he spoke softly and you rested your head on his back.

Enjoying his warmth and the gentle beat of his heart as well as the soothing sound of the flowing water, it was strangely calming, "thank you Giyuu" you mumbled into his neck and his ears reddened, "don't thank me for simple things". You find yourself slowly drifting to sleep as you yet again awake in a different place, gone was Giyuu, and the forest was replaced by a bustling city herds of people walked to and fro as you stumbled about in a confused haze, out of the corner of your eye you spotted a flicker of teal and black checkered hoari. "Tanjiro" you shout and he stops in his tracks turning towards you with a scowl and placing a hand on his nichirnblade, "demon" he hisses and you flinch looking down at yourself.

You were in the body of [S/C] demoness with ivory horns spiraling out of your head, long [H/C] hair and a long thin whip-like tail. "Huh I am a demon" you murmur to yourself as Tanjiro looks at you confused, "you smell funny" he spoke and you gawked at him "well that's rude" you retorted and his brows shot up. "No I didn't mean it like that, you smell sweet and pure kinda like honey but at the same time like vinegar....I can't tell what kind of person you are".

 You opened your mouth to speak when suddenly Giyuu walked up behind Tanjiro carrying...your other body, "Tanjiro" he spoke before he glared at you and gripped his nichirnblade "demon" he hissed sliding your limp body onto the ground as both he and Tanjiro took guard in front of it. "W-wait Giyuu it's me Y/N" Giyuu's brows furrowed as he looked between  the limp body and back to you, he tilted his head sucking a breath between his teeth.. "Look let me prove it" you said confidently and then slapped yourself as hard as you could, but instead of passing out you just hurt yourself and looked stupid. "Oh right this body is extra durable" you took a step towards your other body but Tanjiro and Giyuu stepped forward in defense of that one, you took a deep breath and sighed "guys look, just slap that body or shake you'll see" they both looked at you skeptically but Giyuu slowly did as you said and gently shook the body.

The moment he shook the body you collapsed and woke up in the other one gasping for breathe and looking up at Giyuu, "see I told you it's me Giyuu", Giyuu's eyes widened in disbelief "t-that's.....h-" he muttered as Tanjiro too stared at you in wide eyed disbelief as well. He then proceeded to shake the demon body and your human body collapsed as you woke up in that one, "okay test ov-" you tried to say but Giyuu shook your human body and the other collapsed as you woke int that one. "Sto-" you spoke but got cut off as Tanjiro shook the demon body, "ENOUGH" you snapped and they sheepishly looked at the ground. "S-sorry" Giyuu murmured and Tanjiro apologized too, "what.....happened?" Tanjiro asked and you shrugged "I'm not sure one moment I was falling off a building-", "why were you falling off a building?" Tanjiro asked eyes widening in alarm you stiffened slightly eyes darting to the ground as you tried to think of a plausible excuse.

Reading your body language Giyuu gently rested a hand on your shoulder, "so what are you going to do now that you're here?" You take a deep breath and stare down at your feet as you curl into a ball, "I'm actually not sure" you murmur only now realizing the truth behind his words for a second you thought about doing what most people would do. Try and force change amongst the anime, but actions have consequences and who knows what would happen should you intervene with the way things are supposed to play out. But at the same time you couldn't just sit back and watch these people die, if you had the chance to safe them shouldn't you take it? You could always tell the hashira everything you know about the demons, boom pow hashira wipe the demons everyone lives happy ending.

But not for the demons, they too are victims of circumstance even Muzan, you could always tell Muzan where the blue spider lily is....after all even though he's a bit murder happy he's never been one to want to commit genocide or rule the world....you don't really know his motives besides wanting to live. And he may be twisted but he's not entirely evil, in fact, you clearly remember reading an article stating he didn't even want to create the demons....he's just doing what's necessary for survival. Isn't everyone at the end of the day? You exhale a deep breath and rub the growing headache in your temples, "I think..." you start but stop when you feel a presence in your head...Muzan is nearby, you're not sure how you know you just know.

And your thoughts when confirmed when Tanjiro visibly froze before growling, but before he could run off and chase after him you grabbed both his and Giyuu's hand "we should go" you spoke lowly "b-" Tanjiro protested but you gripped his hand tighter "I know Tanjiro I know he's here but trust me when I say, he will kill you before you can even think to grab your nichirnblade". Tanjiro fought and hissed trying to shake off your grip but he eventually conceded "but what about you're other body?" Giyuu interjected and you froze suddenly getting an intense sense of fear, Muzan stepped around the corner and your inner voice screamed run as his plume red eyes locked with yours "you again" he spoke coldly but you were already dashing away without answering him, Giyuu turned around to face him head on when you heard the familiar whistle of his whip cutting through the air.

Without thinking you pushed Giyuu out of the way and yet again your head went rolling from your shoulders, "Y/N" Giyuu shouted followed by Tanjiro's scared and panicked "MISS LADY" as you began to slip away into the other body you managed to croak out "just run". As you woke up in the other body at his feet Muzan looked at the decapitated demon's body and then down at you connecting the dots instantly, "you truly are an enigma, tell me what happens if I cut this body's head off while the other one is headless" he asked and you suddenly got a deep-seated fear  "I-I'm not sure" you whsiper unable to meet his eyes "would you like to find out?"

He asked pulling your head tightly, "leave her alone" Tanjiro shouted rushing in but Muzan swatted him away with one of his arm whips without ever breaking his glare on you, his eyes then darted to Giyuu who flinched and looked towards you then Tanjiro and finally back to Muzan as if debating on what to do. He then decided to go after Tanjiro seeing as Muzan had taken no particular interest in him or Tanjiro, he offered you a pity glance before running off towards Tanjiro, leaving you to the mercy of Muzan who effortlessly scoops up both of your bodies. A strange pluck echoed out and

 you found yourself being carried in an infinitely looping hall. You wanted to speak but fear had glued your tongue to the top of your mouth, you simply curled into yourself and listened to the echoing sound of his steps.  As he walked you into his study he tossed your demon body on the floor, you looked down at your second body sadly but took note of how quickly it regenerated its head, "I'm going to run some tests on you" he spoke at you in a calm tone, that left little room for argument. You nodded numbly at him, his perfectly manicured nails sharpened to claws and he scratched your forearm tearing through the fleshy easily, you yelped in pain as crimson streams spilled down your wrist.

You watched him as he watched your other body for some kind of reaction but nothing happened. He then walked over to a desk pulled out a notepad and began scribbling in it, he then proceeded to continuously inflict wounds on you. Nothing life-threatening just small cuts, scraps, and incisions that would heal eventually, he seemed slightly frustrated that pain inflicted on one body couldn't be felt by the other. His brows were furrowed but his lips were neutral, as the test continued you noticed that your human body too could regenerate or heal.....just a lot slower than the demon one, but much faster than a normal human being should be capable of. 

He wrote that down too, he made you swap bodies a few times by brutally slapping you across the face, and then he ran tests and diagnosis on your human body while you watched from the demon one, "it's like a shell" he murmured to himself "every time you swap bodies the other goes limp like a puppet without strings". "But unlike the human body, the demon husk moves around when you're operating the other one....how strange, it moves in the direction of your other body...I wonder why, I'm half tempted to make you switch and just watch what happens....but it's too risky I'd like to run more tests on you in the future....so I can't let you die yet. Speaking of death, it appears no matter how many times I rip off your demon head off it's body it just....continues on as if nothing's wrong...kind of like a few of my stronger demons" he murmured writing in his notebook.

As he moved to grab a different book his hand accidentally brushed your other body's breast, specifically its nipple which made your demon's body jolt up and tense momentarily. When he noticed this he tilted his head, gently grazing his finger across the human body's skin. You flinched again as you felt his warm fingers sliding along your skin, "huh" was all he murmured before slowly slipping his hands underneath the layers of your human body's kimono and giving it's nipple a flick. When you yet again flinched and let out a soft gasp he paused in his movements, "so it doesn't respond to pain, but it does respond to pleasure....interesting" he muttered, and then began to massage the other body's breast lightly.

You gasp and whimper shifting your demon body on the couch as he toys with the human one on the floor,  you hide your face in the crook of your neck to try and hide the embarrassment as you try and hide the soft moans bubbling within your throat. "Maybe I've been going about this the wrong way" Muzan muttered to himself, "Instead of an aggressive approach maybe I should try...." your demon body's back arched off the couch as Muzan slowly dragged his delicate fingers down your human one's stomach, and traced the outline of your lower lips through your human body's panties.

You felt a sudden jolt of pleasure course through your entire body as Muzan's fingers slipped under the cotton fabric, peeling back your lips with two of his fingers before gingerly rubbing your human body's love nub and letting loose that first little moan from your demon body's throat.  Your eyes squeezed shut feeling your breathing quicken as Muzan's fingers trailed slowly downwards until he grasped the sensitive nub and pinched it, making you let out another moan of pleasure as he then slid his middle and ring fingers inside of you.

Pumping his fingers slowly as your demon body writhed dragging your claws along the couch and shredding the soft cushion as he phantom-fingered you,  "host body is responsive to stimuli inflicted on hostless body" he commented looking down at his notes."I wonder if I could perhaps replicate this" he murmured softly "could be quite useful having a second throwaway body" he murmured to himself "although, it does seem to have a weakness to  pleasure...but I highly doubt anyone will be trying to jerk me off midbattle.....mmm however.....I probably should find a way around that....anyway". 

He said slapping your human body and waking you up in that one, "that doesn't make any sense, you wake in the other body when you die or when I slap you but not when I inflict pain......hmmm maybe it's because death is instantaneous and you don't necessarily feel the slap because technically your other body is in sleep mode.....hmm".   He paused in thought for a moment "oh well, I'm keep that body for research if you have a problem speak now" he said pressing the sharp end of one of his tail whips you your throat, when you nodded he smiled briefly "good girl, now get I've wasted enough time on you" he said and in the blink of an eye you were transported to a random spot in the forest.

"What.....am I going to do" you murmur sitting down on a fallen tree as you readjusted your kimono "good question what are you going to do?" Asked a strangely familiar voice, as you glanced over your shoulder you were expecting to see Giyuu or Tanjiro but was shocked to see the pale apparition of Yoriichi sitting next to you......what the fuck?

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

You've done your ritual: made sure the blankets covered her body well and she's not cold, answered the questions she might have had, told her to come and get you if she needed anything and kissed her goodnight. For some reason, Joel isn't here (idk he has some night patrols or anything, it doesn't matter) and maybe Ellie feels uneasy? It's weird not to have Joel or you around the house, she's still terrified to be apart from one of you. As if not being near her made you disappear completely. You take the time to reassure her, tell her he'll be here when she wakes up in the morning and you can have breakfast together. It seems to calm her down, you start to leave but before you can open the door to go to your own room, she calls your name. When you ask her if everything's okay, she speaks with a timid tone— as if she was embarrassed or unsure of herself. "D-do you mind staying with me until I fall asleep?" Even if she's used to it and she knows you'd never turn her down, there is still some form of apprehension. But of course, you just smile and move towards her bed. You slide under the covers and pass an arm around her body. Your fingers gently trail through her soft hair and she can't help but let out a content sigh. Soon enough, her breathing slows down but her grip over your arm doesn't loosen. You don't mind. You stay there with her, offering her all the support she needs until you end up closing your eyes and falling asleep as well. When Joel finally gets home and doesn't find you waiting for him, he goes to your shared bedroom, expecting to see you asleep or reading. But your bed is empty. He doesn't worry though. He goes to Ellie's room and a smile stretches his lips when he finds his girls cuddled up under a pile of blankets. Joel walks towards you, makes sure you're well covered and gently kisses Ellie's forehead, then yours. You shift in your sleep but you don't wake up. It's a good thing. Joel doesn't want to disturb you. He quietly exits the room, a warm feeling radiating in his chest.

Aaaaand that's it for tonight!! what do we think?

I really really really hope you're already feeling better when you find this or at least that it could bring you some comfort and yeah, take care of yourself my little bubble ily <3

-🪷

Your or Joel's absence is very concerning to Ellie. And I feel like the first time she would voice it would take you by surprise. You always imagined that she's good with ether of you. Like she seeks you out for one things, Joel for others. You never thought about it as a unit. That it's both of you that she always wants to have around.

And you can just tell by the way Ell is pushing around her food. Most of her answers are mhmm and yeah. She's lost in her mind. Moving to rub her hands together as she keeps on glancing towards the door. "He'll be back soon, love. There's just a bit mire work there today", you try to reassure her and she nods her head but you can see that it doesn't little to actually make a difference.

And she's determined to stay awake. You might even be getting sleepy but her eyes are big as the moon as she sits on the sofa. When you finally manage to make her go upstairs and take a shower you can tell that the closet it gets to her actually needed to sleep the more anxiety she is showing. So of course she would ask you to sleep with here for the night. Ellie would be clinging to you for dear life, jumping at any little sound. And you would just keep on reassuring her that it's nothing that you both are safe and that Joel might be on his way too you already.

Yeah... i love them... love them and this a lot. 🤍

[leoluved]

lovers rock (j.l)

summary: marc & steven take interest in you the moment they lay eyes on you, but jake is the one who's truly intrigued. even though he likes to be invisible, longs to be invisible, he cant help the way he feels when he wants you to see him. warnings: established relationship, gender neutral reader, no use of pronouns, no use of y/n, language, mentions of alcohol, nicotine, sex but no explicit smut, not proofread. song playing: lovers rock - tv girl word count: 2.4 k

࿓

Are you sick of me?

Would you like to be?

I'm trying to tell you something,

Something that I already said,

You weren't even aware of him, the third man inhabiting the already crammed mind of the man you called a lover. Jake Lockley. Not that he showed himself to you, no. He showed himself no more to his other alters, either. You, technically speaking, were dating them for the better part of six months. 

He was more than just aware of you, you engulfed his every waking thought. You were a nightmare. The way little bits of you were scattered around their already cluttered space. Little hair clips on the counter, your jewelry in a small dish by the bed. It made the days and nights Jake took over hellish. He wanted to let you know. Push you further away so he could do his job. 

You like a pretty boy,

With a pretty voice,

Who is trying to sell you something,

Something that you already have,

Steven had been the one to spot you, Marc the one to pursue you. They had both taken to you like depraved koi being placed into a beautifully deceptive pond. However Jake felt like a fish out of water, gasping for air in the brief moments he had in the body. Especially when he fronted around you. 

Not that you had noticed, mostly Jake managed to try and fight for control during the night. At the beginning it worked perfectly, Marc using Steven’s ‘anxieties’ about his “sleeping disorder” as an excuse before they revealed themselves to you had kept you from sleeping over. But as time went on it was hard to not let you in, especially when you surprised them at the door. 

Marc definitely couldn’t turn you away when he noticed a bottle of wine in one arm and a bag of take out in the other. The sound of your voice was so clear in Jake's consciousness that night. The others still weren’t aware of him, yet. But somehow he managed to be a fly on the wall every chance you came around. 

“I just wanted to drop by, maybe we could relax tonight? fun ‘lil movie date?” 

But if you're too drunk to drive,

And the music is right,

She might let you stay,

But just for the night,

The night had ended with the two of you wrapped up in each other’s warmth under the covers. Jake was woken abruptly, seemingly no reason for him to be pulled forward. Perhaps Steven had fronted first and froze at the close proximity between you two. One moment Jake was floating in a stream of unconsciousness and the next his ears were ringing as he looked around the familiar surroundings. 

The only unfamiliar feeling was the one of you in his arms, sleeping so peacefully. Unaware that Jake could potentially take your life at your most vulnerable. Jake chuckles lowly to himself. He could never, would never. It was just interesting to wonder how you could be so at peace unknowing of the man who lay beside you. Guard completely lowered. He slowly began to untangle himself from you, stopping the second he heard a whine escape from your lips. Praying you’ll fall back asleep, he stills. 

And if she grabs for your hand,

And drags you along,

She might want a kiss,

Before the end of this song,

After a few passing moments he begins once more to untangle himself. This time you suck a breath of air through your teeth. Lifting your head from its position on his chest to look at him. His dark brown eyes meet your own before you part your mouth and manage to rasp out a whisper. 

“Marc?”

Jake stares at you wide eyed before he slowly shakes his head at you. His lips are pursed tightly into a thin line and you sigh before brushing a hand through your hair. Peaking at the alarm clock on the bedside table. You try to pull him back down before he shoves himself off you this time. You pout at him. “Steven..? Where are you going? It’s late.” 

He winces like you struck him with a bullet. He quickly goes to get changed. Shaking his head ‘no’ at you once more. “Not Steven either, conejita/o*.”

The switch in his dialect was quick to put you on edge, you sat up straight against the headboard. Staring at the man getting dressed in front of you. You hummed out to grab his attention in which he turned his head towards your direction. “Not Marc. Not Steven. Who?” 

Your question remained unanswered because whoever was in control of the body up and left without a second thought. You couldn’t go back to sleep after that. Especially not with the way he spoke to you. It sent chills down your spine even while completely covered with the blanket. 

Because love can burn like a cigarette,

And leave you alone with nothing,

And leave you alone with nothing,

Jake let the cool air of the night hit his skin, placing a hand on his forehead he felt that his skin was warm to the touch, the contrasting temperatures made his head spin. He scoffed and reached into the inside of his leather jacket. Pulling out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter he placed the filter tip in between his lips. His hand cupped the other end while he lit the lighter. Placing the scratched zippo back into his pocket alongside the pack. 

Inhale. Hold. Exhale. 

It was a pattern, Jake was good at those. Memorizing the perfect times to let himself out, spending his whole life marking the patterns in between his other alters. And while he hated to pretend he was one of them, when the time was right he would get into character. Steven’s accent was harder to grasp than Marc’s, though. So whenever he needed to speak for Steven it was more roughed out grunts than words. 

It didn’t matter now, Jake fronted for no reason but that hadn’t meant he was going to do nothing. He had a long mental checklist of things to do the second he got the body and managed to slip out of your grip. He felt he might have been a little rough with the way he shoved himself off you. But you didn’t know him. You knew the other two idiots who shared with him. 

While the others talk,

We were listening to lovers rock,

In her bedroom,

In her bedroom,

Jake was meticulous but it wasn’t enough. Eventually the two would come to figure out why they were missing dates and times. Steven was the one to point out how it had felt when Marc took over the body. So clearly they had another inhabitant. 

As soon as they came to the conclusion of another, they spoke to you. Jake was there of course, not that anyone else knew. You stood silent most of the conversation until the end when you told the others you had met Jake once. You didn’t know it was him. 

Steven was the one to suggest using multiple mirrors to try and communicate with Jake. It wasn’t rocket science but they were hoping for something a little more than waking up to the body covered in bruises and cuts. Marc was on board with whatever to get ‘this fucker’ to speak up. 

Jake was silent for the next couple months. He still fronted, took care of Khonshu's business. He chose to front a lot less often when you were around. You tried to not take it as personal as he seemed to make it look. You were still in a relationship with the others, he wasn’t going to deter your mind from them. He knew that. You knew that. Why try?

Jake thought he had made the perfect schedule for his fronting. Finally, with Marc and Steven’s week in mind he thought he managed to find the times he could front without any distractions. Especially you. The more the other two would spend around you the more Jake found himself thinking of you when he had control. 

It was a Wednesday night. Neither Marc or Steven had to work the next day. Jake thought it was the perfect time to front. Unfortunately he didn’t calculate you and your knack for coming over unexpectedly. He awoke to find himself in the same situation as a few months prior. This time he had a lot less tact. Shoving himself off you again and trying to ignore the way his heart ached at your whine. 

“Steven? Not nice.” 

“Not Steven.” 

You were fully awake after that. 

And if you start to kiss

And the record skips

Flip it over

And sit a little closer

You stand up and speed walk to the door before he reaches it. Placing your hands in his chest to stop him from moving. “Hold on a second. Hold on a a second. Don’t go yet, Jake.” The sound of your soft voice calling his name made him stop trying to move you from the door. “How do you know my name?” His tone was strict. Cold. You smile at him. “They told me they had a couple ideas… I’m glad I chose right..” Jake felt his exterior crack at the sentence. He shook his head and went to move you from the door again. 

You frown, grabbing at his hand and interlacing his fingers with yours. “Please don’t go. It’s late.” You whisper up at him, giving him your best puppy eyes. Jake scoffs but somehow still allows you to drag him back to the bed laid in the back of the room. His hand relaxed against your clenched one. His eyes rake over your form as you adjust under the covers. He chooses to sit over them. 

It was strange, to feel like a stranger around someone who knows your body so well. 

But if you're too drunk to drive

And the music is right

She might let you stay

But just for the night

Lifting his hand to your face you press and quick kiss against the back of his hand. You eyes trail his face. “I know we don’t know each other. But I’m hoping you’re at least a little interested in getting to know me.” He didn’t understand why you were making such an effort to try and get to know him. Jake’s face became sour before he stood up quickly. Making his way to the door before turning to look at you in the bed. 

“Lo siento, pero realmente no me importa*.” 

His words were sharp as the door slammed behind him. Part of him had hoped that maybe you wouldn’t have even understood what he said. He huffed out on his way down the hallway and into the elevator. If your plan was to make him wildly uncomfortable. Congratulations. 

He couldn’t comprehend why you wanted to make this effort. How this was something you could want. If Jake had found out the guy he was seeing had different people living in his head? He would run for the hills. Jake didn’t think Marc was that charming. How could he introduce Steven to you without you freaking out? Instead you had opened your heart and accepted him? Accepted both of them. 

Jake opened the door to the apartment he hoped was empty by now. Though he knew his hope would be short lived. Once he opened the door he found you curled up on the couch covered in a small throw blanket you and Steven had gotten together. “Primark dates ARE dates.” He remembered you saying with that signature smile on your face. 

You stirred the second you heard the door close. Lifting yourself from the position you stared at him. Silent. You were afraid if you said the wrong thing he would run again. It seems you would have to take a similar approach to get to know him like you did with Marc. Not Steven. You remember his slight accent so clearly. You wondered how many times he had fronted in secret. Pretended to be someone else. 

And if she grabs for your hand

And drags you along

She might want a kiss

Before the end of this song

Jake treaded slowly towards you as you stretched your arm out. He raised an eyebrow at you. Almost as if waiting to see if you would put your hand down after a moment. When you didn’t he let his hand lay in yours and took a seat next to you. He wasn’t holding your hand, more like letting his hand relax in your palm. You maneuvered his fingers to intertwine with yours and made a content hum. “What’s got you acting like a stray, hm? You think I won’t want this? Or do you think you won’t want this?” 

You felt him stiffen next to you, tightening your hold on his hand as he tried to pull it away. You made eye contact and softly smiled at him. His eyes were so different from the others. You thought you had put him on edge due to your forwardness but you never got close enough to notice, he's always on edge. 

Because love can burn like a cigarette

And leave you alone with nothing

And leave you alone with nothing

“A stray? That’s bold of you to claim.” Jake turned his head to meet an all too well thought out placed mirror. He smirked at his reflection. His gaze moved to your hands joined together. “I think.. You don’t know what you want.” You laughed at his statement and relaxed against his shoulder. A peaceful silence lingered around the two of you. After a couple minutes. Hands still tightly pressed together, you reached up and pressed a gentle kiss onto the side of his face. His head turned to you like you had singed him. “I think.. I’m old enough to decide what I want. Are you?” 

You stood up and began walking towards the back of the room to lay in the bed. Jake turned to face the mirror once more, and once you turned back to face him you noticed him nodding to the mirror. You smiled. Knowing someone was telling him something. He quickly stood from his spot. Turning on his heel towards you. Jake Lockley was somewhat of a mysterious man, but you were forever thankful for the chance to explore his mysteries.

conejito/a - bunny lo siento, pero realmente no me importa - i'm sorry, but really i don't care

[cyanidefilledcandy]

So....

I would absolutely love to stream right now, but I'm inable to.

One, because of whatever LOVELY person is blasting music like this is a fucking rave.

And two, and most importantly, I just am exhausted and don't have the energy for it; even after just waking up from a 1 and half nap.

And of course, I've narcolepsy to thank for that.

So, I recently went to a neurologist. I was hoping to finally get my face pain addressed and hopefully, diagnosed. But my new primary instead set me up with a sleep specialist. (I did not ask for, nor want this, btw. As I told the new sleep doctor, Narcolepsy is something I've just learned to live with and I'm manage it fine. It is not the severe, fall asleep at a split second kind, so I see no harm.) However, since my sleep study was so long ago and he'd likely be unable to get the records, he set me up with another that I had done last week. He said it might be something I have to "just deal with anymore" because that's been almost 15 years ago and medicine has advanced since then. He also said that there was a possibility I'd been diagnosed through process of elimination or that no other diagnosis fit at the time. So, I agreed, mainly for that last reason and because I was just curious.

So, I had it done and in it, I slept WAY better than normal and during the day, I couldn't sleep at all. (They ask you take naps throughout the day and only give you 20 minutes to do so. I don't care how tired I am, I could be literally passing out while standing, it I HAVE to sleep and especially if I know I have a small amount of time to do so, I can NOT sleep....like no matter what.) So, I was worried that the results wouldn't be accurate, one. And two, that I WASN'T actually narcoleptic and their was something else unexplainable going on (and thus, I'd have to start the process all over again).

Well, got the results today and I am 100% narcoleptic, though at this point in my life, that's a big Duh, but finding out what's wrong with me is always nerve-wracking. Anyway, they want to try me on some new medication for wakefulness during the day and......honestly, it's the whole reason why I didn't want to bother with any type of sleep study.

I'm not entirely sure why that kind of medication in particular makes me nervous. (And just now starting to wonder if I did indeed try some before and had a bad time because I honestly can't remember.)

But I think for one, it's a new medication. I have ALWAYS HATED medication with a passion and never want to be on too many pills.

Two, I'm worried about my insomnia. She mentioned that the staying awake or alert throughout the day can sometimes improve insomnia, but I'm 91% sure my insomnia is mostly anxiety and depression based. She also mentioned that getting regulated sleep can sometimes help with that....and that leads to another, unforseeable problem that arose.

They made me sign some kind of controlled substance contract and while I did scan through it and think I have a basic understanding, I have so many other issues that are far more pressing and I don't want to have issue with medications for those way more important things because I'm on some stimulant that I honestly don't want to be on. While my sleep definitely has an effect on my mental health, no part of me believes it's a CAUSE.

I have had mental health issues since I was a toddler; long, long before any type of sleep issues arose. So, *sigh*.....IDK. The whole thing just makes me nervous....

But, I AM willing to try. Maybe it DOES have an effect on my issues with my concentration and being able to complete tasks, especially my artistic pursuits (though again, I don't think it's the root). I will give it the college try, but if it keeps me up at night, or I just don't feel like it's doing anything, I will stop.

[rising-angelx]

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ catching up: a selection of memories. solo in chicago, again.

tw for mentions of abandonment, depression, anxiety, and depiction of a panic attack

୨୧

deciding to spend the first half of her break back in chicago was a decision made somewhat impulsively. her first run in her former city had been a mess of ups and downs for her, but she had hoped that with time to relax instead of running around with practice and performances and a legion of managers and security, she would actually be able to enjoy her time. not to mention, one of her closest childhood friends had just returned from a long-haul work trip in shanghai, and she could not miss the opportunity to see her again.

hannah oh, or as dahye knew her better as, hyunin, was practically the only friend she had outside of her ragtag group of musically inclined friends. she was the youngest daughter of the only other korean family in her building, and her first friend in america. she had helped her learn english outside of school and acclimate to the brand new world she never asked to suddenly belong to. dahye had tried to keep up with her friend after she left, and occasionally got to see her when she was in korea, visiting family or handling business, but it had been a few years since she had last seen her. now, she sprawled across her plush couch in the brand new high rise she had taken up residence in, sipping on a sweet moscato probably fresh from some fancy california vineyard, catching up on lost time. 

their cheeks had already begun to heat to a soft pink, a couple of glasses already passing through their hands over laughs and light stories. angel had been in the middle of one about making an embarrassing mess out of herself at the last company party on valentine’s day.

“y’know, i was crying about my family and like… all the ways i’d been wronged by love, all that dramatic stuff. i almost…” she paused, remembering the main cause of her drunken grief that night being a past relationship her friend knew about well. “my friend, you remember danbi, she told me she found me when i was uh,” she sighed, hanging her head slightly with a bout of shame hitting her system. “i was trying to hunt down malachi. make him apologize for leaving.”

hannah’s eyes widened in realization, a hand flying to her lips in a gasp. “i heard you’re working with him now! oh god, i remember the day after he left like it was yesterday,” she sighed, recalling the phone call she had gotten from angel, only hearing broken sobs on the other end when she picked up.

dahye took a slow sip of her wine, rolling her shoulders out as if the memory was a fight she was preparing for. maybe it was. “yeah,” she sighed. “me too.”

୨୧

that week in 2013 was a warm spot as the colder months began to come to an end. angel remembered the day before, her band making plans to skip their last class at school and head to some spot by the river someone had found before going to ahmed’s to rehearse. they had a gig coming up in some dingey bar they had booked once before and wanted to be invited back again. she didn’t remember anything off about that day, about the way kai acted or spoke to her. to any of them. she never would have guessed that it would be the last day of her life as she knew it. 

she didn’t notice anything odd until the next morning when she woke up to no new messages from her boyfriend. he had always stayed up much later than her, and she would often wake up to some of his 2 am thoughts. it didn’t really bother her, figuring he had actually allowed himself to fall asleep at a decent time the night before. it didn’t really bother her when she didn’t see him at school either, his truancy record definitely not spotless. none of the small things started to bother her until she saw ahmed in the hall, a sad looking scowl on his face. he didn’t even seem to notice her as he passed, a stark contrast to the way he would gleefully yell her name down the hall with a larger than life wave the moment he saw her head bobbing in the crowd of kids. 

that’s when the anxiety began to slowly eat at her insides. one thought disturbed her brain, distracting her from the entire rest of the school day. where was malachi? 

the next thing she remembered was at the meeting spot by the river. she didn’t remember the likely anxious journey there, oddly lacking kai, or even arriving. she only remembered the unusual quiet that sat amongst her friends, downcast looks across all of their faces. she remembered asking, “where’s kai?” she remembered the way her heart plummeted when someone said “he’s gone,” death coming to mind before the idea of malachi willingly leaving her without a single word. she hardly remembered the careful voice of felix explaining the situation, only a few words standing out in her memory. kai. left. for korea. with daniel. what angel did distinctly remember was all five agonizing stages of grief. 

denial. “he wouldn’t do that. he would never leave without saying could by. he wouldn’t leave me.” refusing to believe it in any way her friends tried to explain it to her. “he told me he wasn’t going to go with them, why would he lie to me?” refusing to believe her boyfriend, the undeniable love of her life, would up and leave her for the empty promises of some recruiter from the other side of the globe. most of all without saying anything.

anger. “how could you let him do that?” she remembered the hurt look on ahmad’s face when she shoved him, and the strange gratification she got from it. “how could you let him leave? just walk out of our lives like we’re nothing?” she remembered the way she blamed daniel, the friend who had left before kai, to follow his dream the very same way. “he convinced him, didn’t he? to go? i knew daniel was a fucking rat, he left us first.” most of all, she remembered the anger he felt at the very source of loss. “why would he do this to me? how the fuck could he leave me? how could he lie to me and tell me he loved me and disappear without a fucking word?”

bargaining. “did i do something? did he just never want to see me anymore? can i fix it?” she remembered the way her mother held her in her lap, allowing the tears to soak her shirt as she gently pet her hair. at the time, the woman would have done anything to console her daughter, her own heart breaking seeing her in such pain. but really, there was nothing to be done but be there for her. angel remembered her aunt’s opinion on the matter clearly. “it wasn’t your fault, darling. surely he realized you were far too good for him in the first place. the only thing he knew how to do was run.” it was harsh and it hurt her heart to hear such things about someone she held so dear. but at times when she would have cursed his name to all powers earthly or not, it helped. it helped to put the blame on someone else’s shoulders.

depression. the worst of it. when the school year finally ended and she had no reason to force herself out of bed in the morning. she didn’t remember any of it. days melted into each other and she was sure now that everyone near to her was worried sick, but at the time she couldn’t have brought herself to care. kai was gone. her reason, her future. the depression was the hardest to escape.

acceptance. the most ambiguous of all. she didn’t know when acceptance set in. maybe it was when she could get out of bed of her own accord. maybe it was when she could look at her guitar without tears tugging at her eyes. maybe it was when she started seeing her friends again. maybe it was falling down the same path he had taken. she wasn’t sure if it had ever even set in at all. 

୨୧

“what was it like seeing him again?” her friend asked, peeking at her over the rim of her wine glass as she took another sip.

heartstopping. 

୨୧

tidal had been at some music show or another, promoting another comeback. she couldn’t remember the details. but in the back halls of the production, among all the bustle of stylists and managers and producers and idols big and small, she saw him. the group had just gotten off stage and it was just for a moment. she wasn’t even sure it was him at first, but there was no mistaking the angled jawline and pointed nose. he didn’t even see her, as far as she knew, but it was enough. enough to freeze the air in her lungs, her heart feeling like it was nearly going to burst. it had been three years since she had last seen him, but the wound still felt as jagged and fresh as ever, tearing her apart from the inside. she could feel her body shaking as she tried to catch her breath, but she could barely force any air into her lungs. her vision started fuzzing around the edges, the world spinning much too fast for her liking. she stumbled into the first empty dressing room she could find, clutching her head, her chest. the outfit she was wearing was far too tight, her hands clawing at the choker that she had admired in the mirror earlier but she was sure in the moment that if she couldn’t get it off she would die in it, right there on the floor, backstage at musicbank or wherever the hell they were. 

angel had known it would happen eventually. they were a part of the same small world once again. in fact, there were times she’d hoped she would see him again. sometimes she imagined a soft reunion, warm embraces and maybe a few tears. maybe a few kisses. other times she imagined herself walking right up to him and socking him in the face, career-ending scandal be damned. what she never imagined was spiraling into a state of panic at one glimpse of him from across a busy room. 

she wasn’t sure how long it took to calm down, for her chest to rise and fall at a relatively normal rate again. it was dae who found her, curled up on the green room couch with her head buried in her hands, cheeks streaked with melted makeup and tears she hadn’t even realized had fallen. it felt ironic, looking back at it. but at the time it was just her leader and friend, taking care of her at such a low moment. 

angel hadn’t thought about that day in such a long time. she couldn’t even remember what she had told her worry-stricken bandmates as to why she had gone m.i.a, returning shaking and tear soaked, but she knew it wasn’t the truth. 

୨୧

“kind of horrible,” she elicited a laugh alongside the understatement of the year. “just really jarring, y’know? it had been like, i dunno, 3, 4 years? but seeing him felt like he had left me all over again. it sucked,” she sighed, swirling the sweet red liquid around her glass.

hyunin nodded in understanding. she had been through her fair share of heartbreaks, but she knew the way kai had shattered dahye’s couldn’t compare. “how is it now though? like, do you see him a lot?”

“well… its really complicated.” she set her glass down, adjusting her legs tucked underneath her. “at first, when our companies merged, i avoided him like the plague,” she laughed at the notion, almost as literal as it sounded. “but we have the same friends, we had to work it out eventually. it was just this thing festering and it wasn’t…” her voice faded, her thoughts dissolving into a deep sigh. “plus,” she raised her eyebrows, awaiting the reaction her friend would have to the following news, “he’s with my group’s leader now. dae.”

hannah’s jaw dropped, making angel laugh at the comical expression. “no!” she cried, clutching angel’s hand in the dramatics of it all.

“yes!” the guitarist nodded. “i want to be happy for them, of course, but it just makes me feel so… watching them… its like some fucked mirror of what could’ve been, right?”

“100 percent,” her friend agreed, patting her leg in comfort and support. “does she even know? about how you two were?”

“i mean, i haven’t told her. so, i can’t blame her. as much as my heart wants to sometimes, it's not right.”

“but you’re over him.”

“the way we were… so dependent on each other like that. so… well, i would say, in love. and the way it ended with so little closure after a whole… fucking decade. i don’t think there is any being over him. i don’t have those feelings for him anymore, and i know there’s no future there, but his presence just lights me on fire. i can’t stand next to him without thinking about all of the could’ve should’ve would’ves between us.” she had never spoke so honestly about this before. she could feel her words beginning to stick painfully to her throat, but she fought to get them out. she needed them to finally be aired.

hyunin listened carefully, nodding along. “speaking honestly, hye-ya,” she began, holding her hand between hers once more. “i think what you two had was a little unhealthy, the way you clung to each other… but the past is the past, right? i really hope you work it out,” her eyes held her genuinity, carefully attempting to convey the words straight from her heart. “back then, i never thought i would ever see two people so connected. but i know you can start over.”

a start over. that mythical desire of everyone hurt by the past. would it ever find her?

[fanficshitshow]

The Asshole on the Train

A/N: Had to write a fic with Levi as a lawyer because work has ruined me lmao. I tried to keep the legal jargon to a minimum! Enough to make it realistic but not so much that you don't know what's going on. But I'm also kinda obsessed with the public transit meet cute rn so I had to throw that in there too!!

Pairing: Lawyer!Levi x Fem!Reader

Summary: You're a legal assistant at one of the best firms in the city. Your assigned to a big case where you are co-counsel with another firm. When you meet the lawyer from the other firm, you realize you've met already. Many times in fact.

CW: fluff, corny rom com dialogue, enemies to friends to lovers, a lot of legal terms, swearing, alcohol, some proofreading but not much sorry, Hange uses they/them pronouns, reader uses she/her pronouns

Word Count: 5.1k

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

You slowly woke as you felt the sun hit your face. You stretched, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. Looking at your surroundings, you realized you had fallen asleep on your couch again. Which also meant you forgot to set an alarm. Again. You shot up from the couch, grabbing your phone from the coffee table to check the time.

“Fuck.” You had thirty minutes before you were officially late for work. You bolted to your room to throw some clothes on. You had just enough time to wash your face and brush your teeth. You’d have to forget about eating something.

This had been third night in a row where you had brought work home with you, stayed up way too late, and ended up falling asleep somewhere in your apartment that wasn’t your bed. Last time, you passed at your kitchen table.

Scrambling to collect all the papers you had sprawled out in your living room, you managed to get out of your apartment with all your things, with just enough time to catch the train if you ran. Luckily the train station wasn’t far.

You ran as fast as you could without letting papers fly everywhere. You made it to the platform as people were loading into a train. You managed to get on right before the doors closed, causing you to sigh in relief.

You took this moment to better organize the jumble of papers in your hands. You were too focused on the task at hand to remember how gravity works, so you were not holding onto anything as the train started to pull away from the station. You started to stumble and try to catch yourself from falling but you could tell it was too late.

A pair of arms grabbed you, stopping your fall. You gasped at the sudden touch.

“Oi,” a dry, annoyed voice said from above, “watch it.”

You looked up to see who had saved you from falling over. You couldn’t help but notice how handsome he was. His gunmetal irises glared down at you, causing a chill to run down your spine. You could tell he wasn’t tall, but from this angle he seemed to tower over you.

“Can you speak, idiot?”

“S-sorry,” you said, breaking away from his grasp. “Thank you.”

He rolled his eyes and scoffed quietly in response. You could feel your cheeks glowing red in embarrassment. Yes, you should’ve been more careful, but you also apologized and thanked him; he didn’t need to be rude about it. You stepped to the side, creating more space between you, hugging your work closely to your chest now.

You silently prayed that he would get off at a different stop than you, so that you could rid yourself of the embarrassment once and for all. By the suit he was wearing, he must have worked in an office, which caused you to worry that he’d be going downtown like you. As your stop came closer and closer, your anxiety heightened because he was still there.

The train pulled up to your stop and you rushed to the door, hoping to get off as soon as possible. Your heart sank as you saw that he started moving towards the door at the same time you, causing you to almost bump into each other.

He rolled his eyes again and stepped aside, extending his arm outward as if let you out first.

“Don’t need you tripping behind me and knocking me over.”

If it was possible for your face to get any redder, it was happening now. The doors slide open, and you bolted out of the train.

Entering the office, you couldn’t help but feel miserable. Your whole day had been thrown off and it had barely even started.

You sat at your desk and huffed as you finally let the papers you had been clutching to your person disperse in front of you.

“You cut it close today,” a voice in front of you said. You looked up to see Sasha, the front desk agent, and your best friend, holding two cups of coffee in front of you. She handed one of them to you and you gladly took the offer. The warm mug in your hands almost soothed the negative energy that hung heavy over you.

“I know,” you sighed. “I brought some work home with me and got carried away again.”

You worked at Zoë & Smith, one of the best litigation firms in the city. You felt lucky to have landed a job as a legal assistant there. It’s why you’d been working your ass off so much, bringing work home and taking on more projects. You wanted to prove that you were meant to be there, although it didn’t seem necessary. Everyone respected you and took you seriously, especially the partners. But still you couldn’t help but want to impress them.

“Again?” Sasha furrowed her brows at you. “You need to slow down before you hurt yourself.”

“C’mon, Sasha, it’s not that bad—”

“No, I’m serious! You’re starting to work more than the attorneys. You should be more like Connie. He barely does anything.”

Connie’s head appeared from above his desk. “Am I supposed to take that as compliment or an insult?”

“I don’t mind working a little more, seriously. It’ll help prepare me for law school, plus the overtime is nice.”

“But you look so drained.”

“Oh, this glum look on my face is not because of work.” You rolled your eyes, remembering the rude encounter you had a mere moments ago.

Sasha and Connie titled their heads in curiosity, almost at the same time. It always freaked you out how in-synch they were. They could’ve been related.

“Bad date?” Sasha asked.

“No, some asshole on the train this morning soured my mood.”

“Was it really that bad?”

“Well, to be fair, I did nearly knock him over, but he was just unnecessarily mean about it.”

“Public transit is the worst,” Connie shook his head. “That’s why I bike.”

“I wouldn’t sweat it,” Sasha said. “It’s not like you’ll see him again.”

She was right. You shouldn’t let some stranger bring you down this much, because that’s all he was. A stranger. The odds of you running into him again any time soon were very small. You were able to lift your spirits after that and carry on with your day.

The next morning you rose more at ease. You remembered to set an alarm this time and made sure that you fell asleep in your bed rather than the couch. You had enough time to do your full morning routine before heading to the train station. You felt calm and collected, ready to start a new day. But when you walked onto the train you immediately made eye contact with the man who stopped you from falling yesterday, and suddenly all the “calm” and “collected” feelings you had dissipated.

“Well, if it isn’t the ballerina,” he said, his voice dripping in sarcasm.

You scowled at the snide nickname he had given you.

“Piss off, shrimp.”

You walked to the other end of the car before he could respond. You did not want to deal with this today. You specifically wanted today to be a good day. Maybe the shrimp comment was a low blow, but you couldn’t help it. You put your headphones in and tried your best to ignore his presence. You managed to make it through the rest of your commute without interacting with him.

“You’re not going to believe,” you said as you walked toward Sasha’s desk. She and Connie were filling out a crossword together. “I ran into him this morning!”

“The jerk from yesterday?” Sasha gasped.

“Yeah! He even called me a name. I didn’t engage though. I’m not letting this guy ruin my day again.”

“What did he call you?”

“Ballerina.”

Connie snorted, which caused you and Sasha to glare at him. “What? It’s a little funny.”

Sasha attempted to comfort you. “Well, maybe that’s the last time you’ll see—”

“Don’t finish that sentence,” you cut her off. “You’ll just jinx it.”

Despite your hopes, you saw him again the next morning. And the morning after that. And the morning after that. You couldn’t seem to get away from each other. He had become a part of your morning commute. No matter what train car you got onto, he was somehow there. It was starting to become freaky. You contemplated whether you were living in a simulation or if you were just cursed with bad luck. It didn’t help that he made comments every single morning he saw you. He got creative with them on a few occasions.

“Been practicing your pirouettes?”

You snapped back. “Did you Google ballet terms before you got on the train this morning?”

The next day it was, “So will you be performing Swan Lake or The Nutcracker for us this morning?”

“Did someone piss in your kid’s meal today?” you retorted, making sure to shove your shoulder against his as you walked past him.

You considered alternatives to guarantee you’d never see him again. You could get a bike, but you lived too far away to avoid not showing up covered in sweat if you chose to bike to work. Driving was out of the question. You were saving for law school and getting a car would blow your budget.

Were you really going to let a man dictate how you would get to work every day? That’s ridiculous, you thought. There was no way you could just ignore him. You needed to embrace that he was just another background character in your life.

But then one day it happened. You walked onto the train, holding your breath for the sound of his snarky voice, but it never came. He wasn’t on the train that day. Maybe you finally got lucky and picked different cars. Maybe he missed it entirely. Either way, you didn’t care. You felt relief rush through you as you carried on with your commute in peace.

You walked into work with a stride and a smile on your face, which Sasha immediately noticed.

“You look rather cheerful today.”

“For once, I didn’t see that asshole on the train today.”

“That’s a good sign!” Sasha cheered. “Today will be a good day for you, I’m sure of it.”

You smiled and hoped that she was right. You desperately needed to catch a break. As you two continued your routine catch up, Erwin Smith, one of the partners of the firm walked up to you. He greeted the two of you with a good morning and then turned to Sasha.

“One of the attorneys from Ackerman & Ackerman is coming in at noon. We’ll be meeting in my office, so direct him there once he comes in.”

Sasha nodded and smiled. Erwin turned to you next.

“Make sure our interrogatories are drafted before he gets here. Jean’s working on them, so bug him about it as much as you need to.” You nodded in response.

Erwin walked away, allowing you to reveal the confusion you had been hiding on your face. You looked to Sasha for help.

“Ackerman & Ackerman?”

“They’re our co-counsel for the Pyxis case,” she reminded you. It all clicked suddenly. You couldn’t believe you had forgotten about one of the most important cases at the firm.

“Right.” You glanced at the clock near Sasha’s desk. “Well, I should get to it then. I don’t have much time.”

You did your best to quickly get your daily tasks completed to give you more time to focus on the Pyxis case. You checked the clock to see it was 11:30, so you went to Jean’s office to see if the drafts were finished. It only took a little pestering it get him to finish and send them to you to print.

You walked by Sasha’s desk, freshly printed interrogatories in hand. She leaned forward as you passed her.

“He’s hot,” she whispered.

“Who?”

“The attorney! He got here a few minutes ago.”

“A few minutes ago?” You checked the clock again. 11:47 am. “It’s not even noon yet.”

She shrugged, which was no help to you. Erwin needed to see the drafts before the attorney showed up, and this just threw everything off. You made a beeline to Erwin’s office. The door was slightly open, so you knocked softly before letting yourself in.

Erwin sat at his desk, which faced the door. The mystery attorney sat with his back to you.

“Oh good,” Erwin said, seeing the papers in your hand. “I’ll take those.”

You walked closer to the desk to hand them over, and as you did, you were able to see more clearly who was sitting in the chair. Your stomach sank when you realized you recognized the man in the chair. You felt like your eyes were about to pop out of your head.

No fucking way, you thought. The asshole from the train was sitting in that chair.

He looked at you, and while he did not seem to react, you could tell he recognized you, too.

“This is Levi Ackerman,” Erwin introduced him. “He’ll be working with us on the Pyxis case. Levi, this [y/n], the legal assistant on the case. I’m sure you two will be working a lot together.”

Levi rose from his seat and stuck his hand out for you to shake. “Nice to meet you,” he said rather politely. Despite the urge building inside you to smack his hand away, you shook it. To your surprise, the skin of his hand was soft and cool. You were almost expecting it to feel like sandpaper, coarse like his personality.

“Likewise,” you said. “I look forward to working with you.” That was a lie. This was a literal nightmare. You wanted nothing more than to wake up in your apartment and realize you were just having a horrible dream.

“Well, since we’re all acquainted now,” Erwin interjected, “[y/n], why don’t you join us for the rest of the meeting? We’re discussing strategy since we have that discovery deadline coming up in a month.”

You nodded and took the seat next to Levi. You did your best to remain focused on Erwin’s words rather than the menacing presence that was sitting next to you. The meeting seemed to fly by and before you knew it, you were walking out of Erwin’s office. You made sure to be the first to leave the room. The sooner you were away from him, the better.

You saw Sasha by the copy room and sped walk towards her, pulling her to the side.

“It’s him,” you whispered.

“Who?”

“The attorney. He’s the asshole from the train.”

“No way,” Sasha gasped. You shushed her. The last thing you needed was more attention.

“I wish I was lying.”

Unlike you, Sasha seemed more amazed than panicked. “That’s crazy! Really, what are the odds? The man you see every morning suddenly shows up--”

“Yes, I’m aware that this circumstance is quite bizarre, but I frankly do not care. I am too focused on the fact that I now have to work with him most likely every day until this case settles.”

Sasha looked past you to Connie who was walking by. She beckoned him over with a whisper.

“Tell him what you told me.” She nudged you eagerly. You hated how excited she was by this.

“Levi Ackerman is the asshole from the train,” you repeated, this time more defeated.

“No way,” Connie said in almost the exact same tone as Sasha had earlier.

“Right?” Sasha giggled. “Isn’t it crazy?”

“This might be the beginning of your love story.” Connie wiggled his eyebrows at you.

You scoffed and shoved him lightly. “Oh, fuck off, that’s not funny.”

You made your way back to your desk, preparing yourself for the list of things you needed to do for the Pyxis case. Maybe if you just focused on the work at hand, Levi’s presence wouldn’t matter that much.

“Oi,” a familiar voice said. Speak of the devil. He was standing right in front of your desk.

“Listen,” he continued, “I don’t expect you to be nice to me while I’m here. I’m sure you want to get this over with as much as I do. So let’s just be civil for the time being. I’ll stay out of your way if you stay out of mine.”

“I’m not sure that’s possible since we’re working on the same case,” you said.

“You know what I mean, ballerina,” he scoffed.

He rolled his eyes when he saw your eyebrow arch at the remark. “Sorry, I mean [y/n].”

“Yeah, whatever, Mr. Ackerman.”

He grimaced and said, “I’d rather you call me Shrimp.”

This was going to be hell.

Three weeks had gone by since Levi Ackerman’s arrival to Zoë & Smith. Your run-ins with him on the train had been replaced with run-ins at the office. In the break room. The copy room. Erwin’s office. He was everywhere now. You agreed to be civil and, for the most part, you were. The occasional scoffs slipped from both of your lips when no one was around. You may have rolled your eyes once or twice when he wasn’t looking.

Your only saving grace was that the plaintiff’s counsel finally agreed to go to mediation, which meant that if everything goes well, Levi would be out of your hair in two months at most. You were currently composing exhibits for the mediation submission, the deadline for which was coming up in two weeks, when Hange Zoë, partner at the firm and head attorney on many of your cases, strolled up to your desk.

“Have you made any progress on the medical records we got for the Braun case last week?” Hange asked.

It took you a moment to realize what they were asking you. It clicked suddenly in your mind, and you could feel your stomach sink. You had completely forgotten about the medical records.

“No, I’m sorry, Hange. I’ve been so busy with the Pyxis case, that they slipped my mind. I’ll go through them now if you wan—”

“It’s ok,” they smiled. “You’ve got a lot on your plate right now, there’s no need to rush. If you get around to them, give me an update at the end of the week.”

You nodded and thanked them for their flexibility but couldn’t help but still feel guilty for not even taking a glance at the records since receiving them. You needed to give Hange something before Friday. And today was Wednesday, which meant you were definitely working overtime.

You decided that it would be easier to work late at the office rather than take your work home with you. If you accidentally fell asleep, at least this time you’d be on time for work.

Staring at your desk, you stifled a yawn as you continued to chronologically sort files. Your mind couldn’t help but wander as you blankly stared at the dates on the pages. You don’t know why, but you suddenly thought about him. Damn hot-shot lawyer, Levi Ackerman. You must have been the unluckiest person in the world. Just when you thought he was out of your hair, he showed up again. It didn’t help that everyone was so impressed by him. You would think he was humanity’s greatest attorney or something. All everyone seemed to talk about was how smart he was, how cool he was, how handsome he was. God, the comments about his looks were non-stop. His jet-black hair and matching eyes. His well-fitted suits. His jawline.

Your confused daydreaming distracted you enough to become careless with your sorting. Before you realized it, you had accidentally reverse-chronologized 50 pages of medical records. You cursed at yourself quietly, dreading the unnecessary extra work you had just made for yourself. You couldn’t look at your computer screen any longer. Your eyes wouldn’t stop tearing up from the blue light. If you were going to finish this tonight, you’d need caffeine.

You rose from your desk and lightly stretched before heading to the break room. It’s cruel how sore your body could become just from sitting all day. You inspected the coffee pot to find half a cup’s worth of 5-hour-old coffee. You briefly debated just reheating it but knew that you’d eventually have to make more coffee anyways, so it might as well be now. You dumped the sad, stale coffee in the sink and started making a fresh pot.

“Working late?”

The voice made you jump. Levi was sitting at the table in the center of the break room with a mug of tea in his hand, looking directly at you. How did you not notice that he was there?

“God, have you been sitting there the whole time?”

“Yes,” he said matter-of-factly.

“Well, learn to be less quiet.”

He smirked and sipped his tea. “Noted.”

You turned back to the coffee pot. “To answer your question, I am working for however long it takes me to chronologize and abstract these medical records. So quite late.”

He hummed in response. Silence followed. Only the sound of coffee brewing filled the break room.

“I’m sure you can guess what I’m here for,” he finally said.

“Using company time to get your divorce papers in order?”

He chuckled. He actually laughed at something you said. He must have been really tired.

“Well,” you continued, “if you need help on the mediation submission, let me know. I’m already here, so I might as well.”

“Thanks,” he said. You could detect a hint of confusion in his voice. He wasn’t the only one that was confused. You weren’t really sure why you were offering help.

The coffee finally finished brewing, so you poured yourself a cup. This was your opportunity to walk away, so you did.

Getting back to work was a lot easier once you had caffeine running in your bloodstream. You actually made significant progress in only an hour and a half. You decided this was a good place to stop, so you sent your work to the printer.

You walked into the copy room to find a very disgruntled Levi standing in front of the printer.

“Do you know how to work this thing?”

You chuckled. “The hot-shot lawyer doesn’t know how to work a printer.”

He rolled his eyes at you. “Are you going to help me or not?”

“Step aside, Ackerman,” you said as you walked toward the printer. “Let the expert handle this.”

You might despise Levi, but the printer was your number one enemy at the firm. You faced too many battles against that hunk of junk, some you left defeated, but you came out victorious in most. You opened the paper feeder on top of the printer to inspect the problem. Silence filled the room as you began conducting your trial-and-error process to fixing the printer.

You couldn’t handle the tension anymore. It was time to finally address the elephant in the room. “So, I haven’t seen you on train recently.”

“I got my car fixed.”

“Oh,” you said.

“That’s why I was taking the train those few weeks. My car broke down.”

“What, a flashy attorney like you can’t afford a nice car?”

“My car is nice,” he snapped. “Sure, it’s a little old, but it runs perfectly fine.”

You chuckled but couldn’t help but notice the feeling swelling in your stomach. Was it disappointment? It was odd that now you were almost expecting him to be on the train every morning, greeting you with glares and rude nicknames. You dismissed the feeling as you found the culprit to the printer issue, a jammed piece of paper. You pulled the jammed piece out and shut the top of the printer triumphantly, allowing it to continue its halted work.

“You’re welcome,” you smirked at Levi.

As you left the copy room, you could feel his eyes on you, but you didn’t dare look back to confirm if he was actually looking.

Once your records were printed and stamped, you gathered your things and made your way out of the office. You peaked into the break room to see Levi making more tea for himself.

“Go home,” he said, reading your mind. “I’ve got everything handled.”

“Ok, goodnight,” you muttered, walking away to hide the sudden blush that covered your face.

Work with Levi became much more bearable after that night. He was very polite and cooperative. He even joked with you at times. He still called you names and scoffed at you occasionally, but you found those gestures endearing at this point.

“So when’s the wedding?” Sasha asked one day.

“I would like the record to show that I did predict that this would happen, and I believe I should be compensated in some way for my psychic abilities,” Connie joined.

You rolled your eyes at the two morons. “Settle down you two. We’ve just come to an understanding.”

“If by ‘understanding’ you mean you two finally realized your bickering was just your weird way of flirting, then sure,” Connie said.

You tried to dismiss his comment, but your mind couldn’t help but linger on what he said. Were you two flirting? Sure, the name-calling and eye-rolling had become a lot more playful over the past few days, but you wouldn’t call it flirting. You were just being friendly. Right?

The day of mediation finally came. Levi met with Erwin at the office before going together to the mediator’s office. You had all the binders packed away in

“Wish us luck!” Erwin cheered, giving you a thumbs up as he strolled by your desk. Levi stared at him blankly from behind. He stopped at your desk before following Erwin.

“If all goes well, this will be the last time we see each other.”

“Let’s hope,” you smiled, crossing your fingers in front of you. He smirked at your teasing.

“So long, ballerina,” he said before walking away.

“So long, asshole,” you responded.

For the rest of the day you had trouble focusing on your work. You couldn’t help but wonder if the case settled or not. It was because you wanted to finally be done with case. That’s what you told yourself at least. There were two hours left in the workday when you finally got the call.

“We settled!” Erwin’s voice said on the other end of the line.

“Congrats on the win, Erwin,” you smiled. You meant it. Really, you did.

When you closed the Pyxis file, you were filled with relief and…what was it? Longing? You didn’t expect to feel this confused over a silly case. That’s what you told yourself at least. There were two hours left in the workday when you finally got the call.

“We settled!” Erwin’s voice said on the other end of the line.

“Congrats on the win, Erwin,” you smiled. You meant it. Really, you did.

When you closed the Pyxis file, you were filled with relief and…what was it? Longing? You didn’t expect to feel this confused over a silly case. You had gotten so used to the routine of seeing Levi everywhere that seeing him nowhere made it feel like something was missing. Like there was a snarky, annoying, Levi-shaped hole in your life. You knew from the beginning that Levi wasn’t always going to be around. He was temporary.

The next morning you started your day very low energy. You had to accept that life would go back to “normal” now, whether you liked it or not. You walked onto the train and your brain almost dismissed the man standing in front of you as just a hallucination. A mere subconscious desire manifested into an image of Levi standing in your train. But the mirage didn’t vanish when you blinked. Then you realized, it actually was Levi.

“Well, this is a surprise,” you smiled.

“Don’t get too excited,” he rolled his eyes. “My car broke down again, so I’m taking the train in the meantime.”

“You need to get a new car, Ackerman,” you snorted.

And just like that, the old routine was back. You saw him on the train every morning. He even started waiting for you outside of your work building so you could take the train together at the end of the day. “I have to make sure you don’t knock anyone over on your way home,” he teased.

You felt content, but you knew this was just another temporary situation. In a few days or a week, he would be back to driving to work and you would be alone again. So, one day you felt particularly brave and asked him if he wanted to get drinks after work. His normally stoic expression broke for a mere second to show his surprise. When his face returned to its original form, he shrugged and said, “We might as well.”

One drink is what you promised. But it was Friday, so one drink turned into two. And then three. And then four. The effects of the alcohol flushed both of your faces and softened the tension between you two. You were laughing rather hard at a surprisingly good joke he had told when you realized he was staring at you hard. Before you could ask if he was ok, he spoke.

“My car isn’t in the shop.”

“Oh, it’s working again?”

“No, it was never in the shop.”

You frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I lied. It was never in the shop. It’s been running fine.”

“So, you’ve been taking the train because…” You let your sentence trail off. You waited for him to fill the blanks.

“Because I didn’t know how else I would get to see you.”

You stared blankly at him as you processed his words. It felt like your brain was short-circuiting. The alcohol sure didn’t help. He couldn’t have possibly said what you thought he said. Or maybe he did say it, but you were just interpreting it differently.

Levi shifted uncomfortably as you continued to not say anything. His face became redder than it was before. You didn’t realize you had been silent for so long.

You started stammering to find words. “I—uh, I’m—w-well uh that’s um…Are you saying that—”

“I like you,” he interrupted. “A lot. And I would like to see you more outside of public transit. Because while I’m continuing to be honest, I have to tell you, I hate riding the train. It’s unbearable. It’s loud and it smells. There are always too many people, and no one knows how to—”

It was your turn to cut him off. But instead of speaking, you interrupted him with a kiss. His lips were frozen at the sudden touch, but quickly softened when he realized it was your lips he was feeling against his. The kiss was brief but gentle. You pulled away just enough to look into his dark eyes that now seemed to glimmer before you. You both smiled at each other knowingly before leaning in for another kiss.

“OH MY GOD!” a voice shouted from the other side of the bar. Your eyes flashed towards the sound to find Sasha and Connie staring at the two of you, jaws dropped to the floor.

“Before you ask,” Levi said, “this is exactly what it looks like.”

[primofate]

Shortfic: Zhongli x Childe x gn! Reader (Taking care of sick reader) Poly relationship

Listen, don’t sue me. I just have so much Zhongli x Childe x reader brainrot. I just think the dynamics would be so good. Zhongli being such a daddy good caretaker and Childe being... well Childe being Childe and you in the middle of it all, LIKE WHY THE HELL NOT? Yeah idk, I’m sorry, I indulged myself.

Categories: poly relationship, protective Childe and Zhongli, worry, possessive, fluff

Warnings: hinting at sexual activities (still very SFW though), poly relationship, not tagging anyone because I’m not sure if this is your thing. Let me know tho.

Characters: Zhongli x gn! Reader x Childe

"Zhongli…" 

Childe stands in front of the man with a defeated look in his face, eyes turned towards the floor. 

Zhongli was enjoying his tea, sitting at the table, liking the peace that it gave him. With a soft 'clink' he sets his teacup down and looks at Childe, calm gaze placed on the younger man. 

"Childe, they will be fine,"

"I just don't understand what went wrong, was it too cold last night? Or were they overworking themselves?" 

Zhongli sighs to himself, standing to close the gap between him and Childe. He cups a hand around the crook of Childe's neck, thumbing gently on his jaw. 

"These things just happen sometimes, Childe. Perhaps it was something they ate, or even just a minimal change in their routine," 

"But they look like they're in so much pain," 

"I don't doubt it, their fever is at its peak at the moment. Not to worry, I've contacted Baizhu to take a look at them in the afternoon," Zhongli moves to remove his hand from Childe's neck, but the ginger haired male grasps on his wrist and stays it there. They stand in front of each other in silence, Childe swallowing the lump in his throat that had formed out of worry. 

"Although we aren't bound by a contract…" Zhongli's voice tones down to a near whisper, Childe's eyes flicker up towards his. "...We're bound by an even stronger bond. Rest assured Childe, we are doing the best that we can," Zhongli moves his hand an inch downward towards his shoulder and squeezes it, and, in a slow and comforting motion, presses a kiss on Childe's forehead. "They will be fine," Zhongli repeats in a way that gives Childe the confidence and reassurance he needs. 

The younger male takes in a big breath and sighs it out slowly. He nods and let's go of Zhongli's wrist, head turning the slightest to listen if you've woken up. 

Nothing. 

He kinda wished that you did, so that he could ask you how you were doing. If anything hurt. If you needed anything. 

"Why don't you rest for a moment, I'll check on them in the next few hours," Zhongli motions over to the tea set on the table. There were 3 teacups filled up, one for him, one for Childe and one for you. "It wouldn't do if both of you got sick now, would it?" 

Childe sighs and agrees, "Tell me if they wake up," and so for the rest of the day Zhongli stays by your bedside, changing the wet towel atop your forehead and merely watching the quickened rise and fall of your chest. Your face is flushed pink with the extra heat your body is producing, face clearly uncomfortable. 

Suddenly Zhongli understands Childe’s anxiousness. You looked as if you were about to break. Childe was wildly protective of you, compared to Zhongli who always seemed to see things in a neutral manner. Looking at your current state though, he can't help but feel a stronger need to hide you away from the dangerous world. 

Zhongli leans back in his seat, closing his eyes to rest momentarily. He had probably fallen asleep because in the next moment he hears his name on your lips. Even without opening his eyes, he knows that it’s you. He pushes himself up and comes to see that you’re sitting up as well, flush still on your face, sweat sticking to your forehead. “Y/N,” he’s a little startled, but motions for you to wait. If Childe finds out that he didn’t call him at the first moment, he’d be livid. 

The moment he steps out of the room, his foot just an inch out, Childe is up and walking towards him. “Are they okay?” he asks, and Zhongli merely opens the door wider for him. Childe becomes a literal clingy koala at the sight of you. “Y/N!!!!” and leaps forward to give you a bear hug. There’s so many things coming out from his mouth that you weren’t even sure what he was saying anymore. 

“Ahahaha…” You laugh nervously as he grips you in a tight hug. Zhongli just watches, the edge of his lips slightly upturned into a small smile. “I’m fine, Childe, I think I just need some rest and maybe something for the annoying headache I’m having,”

You pinch in between your eyebrows as Childe pulls back, smoothing your hair back and fussing over you. “Medicine, right? How ‘bout water? Do you need water?” You smile brightly at him despite the fatigue and he beams back, infinitely glad that you were awake and talking to him. He continues his line of questioning, “or maybe kisses? How about kisses? Hugs? I have plenty to give,” It was your laugh that let him know that you were feeling better, at least better than last night when he had just found you passed out on the floor. 

“Just some tea is fine,” you reply, leaning forward to rest your head on Childe’s shoulder, him wrapping his arms around you in response.

“We’ve poured you a cup of tea already, I’ll go and fetch it,” Zhongli says, opting to give the two of you some time alone, but not before pressing a kiss atop your head, just as he had to Childe earlier. 

“How do you feel? Are you in pain?” Childe yet again asks and you shake your head, “It’s manageable, don’t worry too much,��� but your lover sighs and caresses your hair carefully. Zhongli comes back a moment later with Baizhu, who had arrived just as he was fetching your tea.

“Ah, Y/N, it’s a good sign you’re awake,” Baizhu smiles sweetly, much too sweet for your liking. Childe takes himself away from your bed and lets Baizhu do a complete check of your vitals and condition. He stood side by side with Zhongli, stance relaxed. 

Baizhu isn’t stupid. He knows the kind of relationship the three of you have. He’s been on house call another time for Childe who had sustained quite the injury. He saw how you worried over him, and saw how Zhongli’s expression creased into anxiousness. 

The situation was the same today. Except that you were the patient, Childe’s face was the one covered in anxiety and Zhongli… Well… He didn’t seem too bothered by the whole thing but if you looked closely, he was slightly tense than he usually was. 

Baizhu just wanted to have his fun. How far were their boundaries, really?

“How are you feeling, dear?” Baizhu asks you as you’re sipping on the warm tea. “...Tired and… a splitting headache” You put away the cup of tea with a slight sigh, still feeling your muscles cry out for help. “Is that so?” Baizhu tilts your head up to look at him, fingers under your chin, and he peers into your eyes, a tad closer than he was before.

Zhongli and Childe tense at the motion, but don’t make a move to interfere. “Just checking your pupil dilation,” there’s an undertone of mischief in his voice, though you couldn’t tell if that’s just how he usually was or…

Baizhu’s hands slide down to your arm, taking your wrist and checking your pulse. A moment of silence passes, “Just a little fast but otherwise normal,” and lets go of your arm. He prescribes a medley of Chinese herbs to be taken as tea, telling Zhongli and Childe how to prep it. He finishes his examination rather quickly, “A normal fever, if it worsens tomorrow then you should call me once again,” he takes your hand and rubs it rather affectionately. You’re a bit surprised at the action.

As if that wasn’t enough, another one of his hands cup your cheek as he gives you a quick wink, “I wouldn’t mind getting called multiple times for such a charming face like yours,” the blush on your cheeks is suddenly not just because of the fever. 

One would think that Childe would react faster to the pharmacist’s advances, but it was Zhongli who sets his hand down rather roughly on the other man’s shoulder, “Baizhu, that’s unnecessary,” The tall man says. Almost commands.

Childe was only mid step. The green-haired man chuckles, the white snake around his neck weirdly quiet today. “I’m merely examining your...interesting arrangements, they ARE a piece of art--” and the warning squeeze on his shoulder told him that he should be going. 

He chuckles again, but lets himself be led out by Zhongli. Childe takes his place next to you, the mattress caving at his weight, “...Were you blushing just now?” he accuses you, eyes squinted.

“N-No… It’s the fever…” but your stutter tells him otherwise. He raises an eyebrow in question, obviously not believing you.  

You gulp a little, “I was just caught off guard… it’s not that I enjoyed what he said…” you pout a little. Childe smiles at the cute look on your face, he was merely teasing. “Oh? Well, doesn’t matter, I’ve seen a lot more different expressions on your face than just a small blush,” there’s a quick smirk on his face and it’s here that your face turns into a tomato. You know exactly what he was insinuating. 

Thankfully, Zhongli strolls in and sees the alarming redness on your face, concludes that Childe must have said something to fluster you again. “They still require some rest, Childe, perhaps leave the teasing for a little later,” 

His tone is stern, but only because he knows you needed more sleep. Childe smiles but continues, “I think they’re just fine! See how their cute little face blushes just for me, Zhongli,” he takes your face in his hands and turns it towards Zhongli, who was...admittedly slightly enamored by the charming display.

Zhongli coughs into his hand and turns his gaze away, “Strange how energetic you are now, just a moment ago you were beside yourself with worry about Y/N,” It was your turn to tease Childe at the information Zhongli just gave out. “Oh? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you so much!”

Before Childe could even reply Zhongli continues the sentiment, “Yes, he looked as if he was about to cry,”

“Th-That’s not!” Childe retracts from you, wanting to say that it wasn’t true but his words get stuck in his throat and it is now his turn to turn his gaze away in slight embarrassment. Zhongli and you snicker at his change in attitude but you were also curious as to what Zhongli was doing while you were fast asleep, “and you, Zhongli? I suppose you’re not one to worry too much,”

There’s silence on his end, with his arms crossed you can’t gauge his expression but he was having an internal battle on whether or not to tell you that he was actually just as worried. But...he had to be the strong one for the two of you. A ghost of a smile plays on his lips, strolls over to you and leans down to quickly kiss the side of your lips. “I worry in my own way, dear,” The way he says dear sends shivers down your spine, and you know in your heart that he had been worried too, just toned down to balance out Childe’s anxiousness. 

Childe suddenly gets in bed with you, pulling you down for a rest. His chest is against your back, arms around your waist and mouth whispering in your ear “The two of us will always take care of you, believe me,” You smile a little and close your eyes. “I know,” just as Zhongli joins in, placing himself at your front. 

Sandwich cuddles are your favourite and although you’re very much running a fever, the warmth from them is soothing. Zhongli drapes an arm on both of you, and leans down to kiss you on the forehead, brushing away stray strands of your hair as if you’re porcelain. When he pulls away he sees the look Childe gives him. A ‘Do-I-get-one-too?’ written all over his face. 

Zhongli chuckles, leans in a little bit further to place one on the other man’s forehead, and watches the two of you drift in and out of sleep. 

It’s certainly one of the most beautiful sights he’s witnessed.

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[katsukikitten]

Part one. Master list for plus one can be found here.

Just a nice fic I decided to write for fun. Please enjoy!

Asshole!

He was nothing but a huge, giant fucking ASSHOLE for the entire two years the two of you were dating and he decides NOW is a good time to break up with you?

Two days before your cousin's wedding and over TEXT MESSAGE?!

That fucking asshole.

He knew how you felt. Exactly how you felt about going alone to your cousin's wedding after your family begged to meet your boyfriend and teased you for "probably making him up." Which hell, he may as well have been made up considering how absent he was in the relationship. Using work as an excuse to come home late but forgetting to turn off his snap location when he showed up at the bar.

So you did what any rational woman in her upper twenties would do.

You drowned your sorrows in booze, tonight red wine as it was the only thing around, and you scrolled through your socials in hopes of distracting yourself from your suffering.

Alas the devil that is Instagram only amplified your sadness and irritation. Showing couple after couple, your friends on hikes kissing on the mountain top, kissing in the flickering light of candles at a fancy dinner or, worst yet, getting proposed to. The video showing her in hysterics screaming, "YES I DO I DO!"

And it feels terrible to feel this way. Especially about your friends, the people you love and want to support, still it stings. You hadn't told anyone about the breakup, you weren't even sure your friends even remembered that asshole's name.

A teardrop lands on your screen, magnifying all the magical lights of the led beneath the glad. You wipe away the tear and with that the feed refreshes. A new post has come in at the top, Res Riot's official account.

Kirishima stands with a fat white cat in his arms. He dwarfs the animal with his large stature that looks larger as he still has his Red Riot gear on. The caption reads something along the lines of "missed my precious baby."

Red wine is a dangerous thing as your body acts on its own. You go to his page to hit the little arrow to DM him. Typing out and backspacing your message as you struggle from the booze, you decide to say fuck it and use the voice memo feature. Before you know it your sniffling voice is playing back to you after you've hit send.

"My ex broke up with me before this stupid wedding. It's in two days and my family is going to roast me big time when I show up alone. They think I made that asshole up. I don't know why I'm even in your dms. Your account is probably run by some dick head who can't even capture your kindness. I guess I'm here cause my first thought seeing you on my timeline was Red Riot has always been my hero…"

Ugh totally fucking cringe.

There is no surprise as you see the three normally ominous dots pop up, probably his social media manager about to ask you to stop your "advances" as Kirishima is too busy to date and he'd hate to block you or some other bullshit.

But there it is a surprise to see a little bubble with the play button and some vertical lines in various heights. It takes your sluggish brain a moment to realize you've been sent a voice memo. Odd. Your thumb smashes the screen faster than you can think and a deep voice rumbles through the speakers of your phone.

"Actually I run my official and personal socials. And I'm sorry to hear about your ex doll. He sounds like a real ass. I'll be your hero, I'll go with you to the wedding."

Your heart stutters, no way, no way in HELL this was Red Riot. You had read about the horror stories before or pervy account managers taking advantage of women who so desperately wanted to talk to their hero.

Hell, it's happened to Dynamight plenty of times.

You swallow quickly but the bile rushes up your throat. Not just from the anxiety of a possible con but from drinking an entire bottle of wine with nothing on your stomach after months of sobriety. Quickly you stumble to the bathroom, abandoning your phone on your bed. You barely make it in time to praise the porcelain Gods before you fall onto your back. Looking up at the light in your cramped bathroom, the orb doubles and spins as you feel the Earth turning on its axis. You curl into your side using your bathmat as a pillow as you drift off into sleep, totally forgetting about the voice memo on your phone.

As you sleep peacefully on your memory foam bath rug, Kirishima settles into his nightly routine. One giant hand grabbing strands of long dark red hair into a towel while another sits snugly around his Adonis belt and the thick, black happy trail that follows up the center of his abs before spreading out onto his chest. He tosses the towel over the open door of the bathroom before sitting in his favorite armchair with phone in hand. Diamond, his beautiful white cat he rescued a few years ago, jumps onto the arm of the chair, purring loudly when Kirishima's free hand scratches her ears absentmindedly.

He chuckles to himself as he realizes exactly what he's done. Acting on a feeling instead of logic all because he heard a "damsel in distress." Starting off his rare vacation with spontaneity starting with an impromptu date with a stranger. He really isn't sure what you look like and it's obvious your handle doesn't have your real name in it, just PrincessPeach with some random numbers at the end. He takes the time to scroll through your profile. Seeing pictures of food, of many sunsets, a friend's dog that guest appears often, your own cat and plenty of strays.

It takes him a while before he sees a photo of you. His heart stutters in his chest as he looks you over. Laughing with a friend, soft lighting from strings over head that blur like little fireflies. Your smile is wide, half hidden by your hands as your eyes seem to smile with you. Sparkling as if they held stars.

For a moment Kirishima forgets how to breathe, it isn't until Diamond jumps down from the armchair does he inhale. He smiles softly to himself before he drops his towel, puts his phone on charge and promptly falls asleep in his bed.

Kirishima rises before the sun even has a chance to filter through his blinds. He sighs softly, getting up to a sitting position disturbing a fluffy white ball that lays beside him.

"Mmrow." Moon stone eyes blink slowly as they look at the mountainous man hogging the bed.

"I didn't mean to wake you sweet baby." He says softly, going to pet the soft white fur only for her to get up stretch and give him her butt before plopping back down.

"I know, mean ol' daddy woke you up too early again." He says softly, his hand falling onto her back before he rises from the bed. Fishing for his running shorts, socks, headphones and shoes. He makes his protein shake, leaning on the counter as he drinks it, looking at how you read, or better yet, listened to his message but still no reply. It was late and there was a small slurring of your words, he figures you've passed out. He just hopes you're okay.

His run goes as usual, up before anyone else unless they were the normal avid runner. Passing by the usual array of people. An old man holding onto his youth by jogging through his daily five mile morning run, Kirishima knows he runs another five in the evening while the sun is setting. He hopes he can embody some of this man's commitment when he is older. Then he passes a middle aged woman, who gives him the biggest smile as she pases, jogging backward to send him a wink before plowing ahead. Occasionally he'll see a running group or a few teens training to be heroes, they always ask if they can run his route. "It's long." He always warns in a kind, warm voice. They assure him they will be fine so far only one other person could handle his 12 mile morning run. A young woman in her second year of hero courses at UA. Since then Kirishima put in a word with his boss and so every time internships roll around she's in the office.

By the time Kirishima is rounding back towards his high rise apartment, the city begins to stir. Slowly waking as men and women in business suits rush towards the train, parents flinging open the doors or curtains fussing at their children who cling to an extra few minutes of sleep before school.

This was always his favorite part of the run, not because it was almost over, oh no it was because he had a chance to glimpse at everyday life. Of nine to fives, of school hours and after school hangs outs at snack bars or the library.

What most would call the mundane but Kirishima would never call it that. It's why he worked so hard to protect it.

Diamond greets his sweaty form at the door. Glaring angrily with her moon stone eyes. Tail swishing before she goes to the kitchen by her bowl. Waiting impatiently.

"I'm not late, sweet cheeks." He coos, and she glares, "I know I know. You're hungry now."

He opens the fridge, gets out the highest quality food there is and places it on her dish, sure to keep it all in the middle or she'll claim her bowl was empty. He added a splash of water too since the weather was starting to get hot.

He sucks down a water or two, demolishes a protein bar and then heads to the apartment gym.

A few hours roll by and without hearing from you yet his worry over your well being begins to cloud the forefront of his mind. He pauses his music, picks up his phone and talks out a voice memo.

A loud DING echoes from your room and around your skull as you rise with a throbbing headache.

"Fuck." You hiss to yourself grabbing at your head as you shakily rise to your feet. Yanking the handle of the faucet to drink from the stream before looking at yourself in the mirror.

"Ugh." You grunt ignoring your swollen face and eyes, yanking the mirror door open to snatch at the bottle of aspirin. Swallowing THREE extra strength pills before slamming the door shut and turning off the faucet. You make your way towards your bedroom, more than ready to sleep the rest of your day away. Grabbing at your phone to charge it you see the push notification of an Instagram message from Red Riot.

The fucking Red Riot.

Internally you scream before it bubbles up your throat and escapes. You fumble to unlock your phone before looking that it's a voice memo.

Mortified you realize you sent one too. And first at that.

"Fuck MEEE!" You plop onto the bed. Nervous this second voice memo is probably about how you're a weirdo or something as you relive the memory of asking him to be your plus one.

Hesitantly your thumb hovers over the play button before you find the strength to press the cool glass. A soft thunderous voice plays out.

"Good morning sleepy head. I haven't heard from you yet, I hope you're okay. Be sure to drink some water and eat something greasy. Trust me, late nights with Denki and Bakugou taught me something. Since the wedding is tomorrow I'll need a picture of your dress for the color and style so I can match you Sweet pea. Contact me soon so I can know where to pick you up."

Did he… did he just call you SWEET PEA? Your heart pounds in your chest before it registers he's asked for your dress color and lowkey asked for your address. This couldn't be real. It sounded like Kirishima, his voice familiar from interviews you've watched but it very well could be a prank. Defeated you hit the small microphone and reply.

Kirishima hears a sharp DING in his headphones over his music as he finishes his set. He wipes the sweat from his face on his shirt giving the few people in the gym a lovely view of his sweaty and thick torso. One woman trips on the treadmill but it goes unnoticed by Kirishima. He pauses his music and hits play on the little memo. Your beautiful yet groggy voice comes in through his ear buds causing Kirishima to bite his lip. It causes such a flutter of butterflies in his stomach he has to listen a second time to actually hear what you said. Although he understand, he cannot help but feel hurt by your reply.

"How do I know you're not just some pervy guy using Kirishima's Godly looks to prey on unsuspecting people."

Your phone chirps at you from the bed stand and you growl reaching for it. You had hoped your message would have been clear. An unspoken of you know they're a fucking creep taking advantage of their PR job.

"What can I do to prove it to you, Sweet Pea?"

You hate how that cute nickname sends your heart into a somersault and your stomach in delightful knots. Still your doubt pulls a harsh tut from your lips before you reply.

Kirishima doesn't need his phone to alert him that you've messaged him, he's been looking at his screen for far to long without having to restart his set. He listens to your voice as if it were music.

"Fine, you wanna prove it to me so bad. Take a picture of yourself shirtless with the word 'Sweet pea' you love so much and send it to me. No photoshop I know what my favorite hero looks like!"

For over an hour you don't hear back and you figure you showed that perv.

But now you can't sleep so you nurse a water, door dash a "greasy" breakfast all before cranking your shower as high as it can go. Your phone dings and you try to ignore it. You really do but as the saying goes curiosity killed the cat. Opening the message you see a classic guy mirror selfie. Kirishima is clear as day in the photo, his large hand pointing to his bare, hairy chest where sweat pea is scrawled in his adorable handwriting. He winks at the camera as his kissable lips wear a dangerous, almost cocky eyes travel down his bulk following his happy trail that dives under a pair of black shorts, the best part of the view getting cut off by the vanity. At first you try to rationalize that this was fake but damning evidence was sitting on the vanity. A fluffy white cat in a diamond and ruby encrusted collar sits on the counter giving her owner an odd look.

His cat Diamond that everyone knows he loves and adores. Slick begins to collect between your thighs and especially so after you listen to the voice memo that comes through shortly after. His normally friendly and soft voice comes out a bit dark, husky as he says in a playfully annoyed tone.

"Now send me a picture of that dress, Sweet Pea."

[thefanficmonster]

Sleepless Nights

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: None

Genre: FLUFF, Comfort, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: During an unusually windy night, Y/N finds herself unable to sleep while her boyfriend is streaming in the other room, unaware of the terror revving outside thanks to his headphones. So, Y/N does the only thing she can in order to finally get some shuteye.

Requested by Anon. Hi dear! Thank you so much for your request, I had such a blast writing it! I’m so sorry it has taken me so long to complete and post it but here it finally is and I hope you’ve stuck around long enough to read it! If you have, please enjoy the read! Love, Vy ❤

It’s that time of year again - the city is terrorized by the loudest, most intense winds that wield the strength of a mythological creature and sound like the wails of hell’s sufferers. You may find my description of this natural occurrence rather dramatic and over the top but that’s because you aren’t here to hear and see this horror show going on. Trees have been uprooted from the ground and have fallen on top of cars, damaging them expensively. Chimneys all around are whistling hauntingly as the gusts of wind pass through them, the sound sending shivers down my spine.

Winds have never sat right with me and I often found myself lacking shuteye during the night if they were wilding outside while I tried to sleep even as a kid. My parents thought I’d grow out of it as the years went by but I never did apparently, seeing as how I’m wide awake at close to 2AM on a workday. I have to be at work by eight in the morning and if I don’t catch some z’s soon I might just show up looking like a zombie.

This is not the first time such an occurrence has happened. However, on those past occurrences, I wasn’t alone in bed, twisting and turning under the covers so I could extinguish the sound that’s violating my head. On those occasions, I had someone lying in bed next to me with his arms wrapped around me tightly or with his hands covering my ears. That person isn’t with me right now though. He’s in a room two doors away, streaming Among Us with his friends.

I’ve had Corpse ditch streams to comforting me during anxiety-inducing windstorms like this one but I can only assume he cannot hear what is going on outside since I haven’t heard a single word from him. Of course, comforting me isn’t his job and I’m not the type of girlfriend to be clingy and in need of her boyfriend to be there for her 24/7. Quite the contrary actually - I’m independent and rarely ask for people’s help, Corpse’s included. However, there’s one thing I need help with and this is it - falling asleep at a time like this. That’s a task I cannot manage on my own.

And so, against my better judgement and putting aside my embarrassment surrounding my fear, I kick the covers off me and get up, stretching my arms above my head as I walk out of the bedroom Corpse and I share and into the hallway which is pitch black as the rest of the apartment. The only light is coming from underneath the door to Corpse’s recording room but even that is so faint I can only guess it’s coming from his computer screen.

With an uneasy sigh, I make my way down the hall, flinching when a particularly strong gust of wind rattles the windows. This apartment building is old makes noises of its own on the regular, the last thing it needs is these attacks it’s now forced to endure because the weather outside is crappy as all hell. Take an already noisy building and pelt it with gusts of wind, yeah that equals a sleepless night for me.

The recording room door isn’t shut all the way as usual. Corpse prefers keeping it open a crack so he can enter and exit it without making noise in the middle of the night as to not wake me up, seeing as how I’m quite a light sleeper. It also allows me to enter and exit it soundlessly whenever I want to either bring him a snack or spook him. There’s no in-between: I either bring him something to eat/drink, or I scare the daylight out of him. The latter usually happens when he’s playing a horror game though so it’s rare which is why he hasn’t started shutting the door as to be alerted of my schemes before I give him a mini heart attack.

And so, I tip-toe my way in his recording room, squinting my eyes when I’m faced with the beaming computer screen opposite the door though it’s partially blocked by the hunched over Corpse who is still unaware of my presence. So, in order to avoid freaking him out, I deliver a couple of soft but audible enough knocks to the door frame to grab his attention.  My attempt proves successful as I see him yank off his headset and whirl around in his chair to face me.

“Am I being too loud?“ Even in the dark, I can make out the lines of his face contorting into an expression of guilt.

I give him a lopsided smile as I strut over to him with lazy steps. Just as I part my lips to speak, a strong gust of wind shakes the building, producing a wailing-like sound that immediately forces me to freeze up, the smile disappearing from my face.

Corpse’s face shifts expressions again, this time exhibiting a compassionate, comforting smile, “That’s what it is, isn’t it? You can’t sleep?” I shake my head, biting my lip as I feel my cheeks heat up. “Come here.” He mutters, opening his arms invitingly.

Without a single doubt, I come closer, not putting up a fight when he pulls me into his lap. I let my legs hang off either side of his hips, wrapping my arms around his neck as I hide my face in the crook of his neck breathing in his scent mixed with the cologne that has lingered on his hoodie and hair.

“Wait a sec...“ he mumbles, pulling away from me briefly. I’m confused for a second, but then I feel the pair of wireless headphones he covers my ears with and I give him a grateful smile, already feeling myself beginning to relax at the warmth of his body against mine and the soothing comfort of his touch. However, when the lo-fi music starts playing through my headphones - a playlist he’s complied for me whenever I have sleepless nights such as these for whatever reason - I’m a complete goner.

And so I find myself drifting off with the mixed sounds of lo-fi beats, Corpse’s whispers and his heartbeat and honestly, not to be cheesy or anything, but I’ve never heard a sweeter lullaby in all my life.

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[the-insomniac-emporium]

Bound Blood (Cassandra Dimitrescu/Reader, Soulmate AU) Pt. 5

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village Rating: T+ for language Warnings: None Summary: Local soulmates finally reach the "friends" in "enemies to friends to lovers". A little softness goes a long way. Nice, mostly gentle chapter to make up for the previous one's angsty ending. Previous Chapters: 1: Sharing Is (Not) Caring; 2: Bloodbath, Baby!, 3: Haunt Me Dearly, 4: Portraits For Ghosts

5: Heart Of The Matter

“This is embarrassing,” you mumble, refusing to look Cassandra in the eyes. Softly, she runs her fingers over your chest, spreading the medicinal salve. There’s an unspoken judgement in her expression. Minor movements are no less painful than major ones, so you try to sit still, as much as you’d rather be with anyone else. “Can you hurry up, at least? I don’t care if it takes longer to heal in the long run, I just want to get out of here,” you snap. For a split second you think Cassandra’s going to hit you in response, with the way she looks at you, and you involuntarily flinch. But the hit never comes, merely a sharp sigh.

“If you didn’t want to get treated, you shouldn’t have started a fight- especially not such a pointless one,” she says, continuing to rub in the medicine and evidence alike. At this, you shrink into yourself, hating the harsh sting of truth. Yeah, you think, she’s got me there. Victory is a fast fading feeling, dearly missed in the wake of the growing shame in your chest. Why had you given in to your impulses? Why had you broken the only peace you had known in weeks? It’s a thought that snags on the corners of your mind, weighing down your cognition, leaving you unpleasantly distracted from the present. “Almost done. Then you can go sulk in private, somewhere you can’t bother me, alright?”

Nodding, you accept your fate with what little grace remains. What more could you even do? Ask her to stay by your side? Hardly. But as soon as the last bandage fits into place, and her gentle yet calloused hands smooth the last edge, a whisper of an ache springs into your heart. It’s not a yearning for Cassandra specifically, merely a reminder of your unwilling loneliness. When the door closes behind her, you stare down at your hands, wishing to hold some meaning within them. Maybe I can find Daphne around here somewhere, you think. Then you slowly rise to your feet. Better to sit with a kind stranger than a harsh familiar face.

---------------------------

That night, you find yourself cautiously approaching Cassandra’s room, feeling like a death row inmate on their way to the executioner. Every step is begrudging, and you almost can’t bring yourself to open the door. But you manage, in the end, stepping in with your eyes downcast. No voice, grumpy or otherwise, greets you. One glance tells you that your soulmate is already asleep, and you mentally thank all the gods you can name. It doesn’t take long to get ready for bed. It does take a minute to slide under the covers, careful not to wake Cassandra. This time you don’t move closer to her, or wrap your arm around her waist, too… exhausted to try anything along those lines.

When you dream, it is of an ever familiar room, shrouded in darkness, stained with the blood of hundreds. Someone’s laughing- a woman, maybe several. Down here, someone is always laughing. You try to laugh with them. It’s a lie, a small deception, that lets you pull your thoughts away from your misery. But they don’t appreciate it when you join their cacophony chorus. Their cackling shifts into screaming, bitter lungs sending waves of ear-splitting sound. Over and over, it gets louder, unbearably so, and closer, closer all the time. Just a few cells away. Just a few more fucking seconds and they’ll be right on top of you. This is a dream you’ve faced down before, yet the ending is unknown. They always get louder, always barrel down the path, towards you, howling endlessly.

They never reach you. No, they’re always coming, always so fucking close. Never in your sight. Never digging claws into your chest. But the anxiety does not fade- you are tipping back in a chair, never falling, never able to find your balance.

When you wake up, it’s with a flinch, teary eyes snapping open. A hand rests on your cheek, brushes away the stains. Whispered words drift through the air, too hushed to be understood, daring to lull you into a relaxed state. It’s Cassandra, of course. Even in your tired state, you know this, know that she’s trying. What you don’t know is whether or not she’s awake enough to process what she’s doing. After all, you hardly are, and her touch is the gentlest thing you’ve ever felt. But you do not get to enjoy it for terribly long. Soon enough your vision fades, the embrace of slumber overtaking you once more.

---------------------------

For a few days, there is relative peace. Meals are delivered to Cassandra’s room, where you mostly dine on your own, though she occasionally joins you, even if you do not speak. Every evening she ensures your wounds are treated, often handling it herself. When she does, you do your best not to meet her gaze, for you cannot stand the traces of affection you see there. Try as you might, you find yourself unable to taunt her the way you had done the first day. The way she’s changed her behavior, adapting to your trauma’s revelation, haunts you to no end.

“Drink this,” she says one day, before bed, holding out a steaming mug. Of course you don’t take it, of course you stare at her with an eyebrow raised. Acceptance was never an option. “It’s just tea. Bela says it might help. With nightmares. Not-” she paused to frown, unsure if she even wanted to finish the sentence- “that it helped me. But you’ve been… tolerable, lately, and I figured it wouldn’t hurt to try.” Then she’s reaching out again, expectantly. Blushing ever so slightly, you finally take the mug, giving her a quick nod before taking a sip. There’s a hint of sugar, just enough to make things interesting.

“Thanks,” you murmur, after swallowing the lump in your throat. Already Cassandra is turning away, focusing on getting ready for bed. You want to say more, to actually hold a conversation with her for the first time in days, but your mouth feels oddly dry. So you just sip your tea in silence. Of course, you think, I’m only ever improvising a monologue, or tripping over my own tongue, as if it were a resting place for my chattering teeth. At least the beverage wasn’t as bitter as your thoughts. By the time you’ve finished your drink, Cassandra is in bed, watching you with an unreadable expression. “Need something? Or just waiting for the poison in my drink to kick in?” You ask, surprising yourself.

“Finally remembered how your mouth works, hmm?” Cassandra teases. Again you’re blushing, having expected her to be more annoyed than amused.

“I never forgot. I simply, you know, uh… figured that you needed a break, after my last demonstration,” you counter, remembering the way your vocal chords had complained, and the way her arm had felt around your throat. It’s not the direction you meant to take the conversation in, but she doesn’t seem to mind. If anything… she’s blushing. For a moment you’re confused, then you finally recall the ‘incident’ in the tub. Oh fuck, you think, that’s worse. Maybe. Probably? What should I say? In the end, the words leave your mouth in a rush, as they were prone to do. “Based on how red your cheeks are, I’m going to assume you don’t need another reminder. Let’s just get some rest now, yeah?” Next thing you know, there’s a pillow flying towards your face.

Still, it’s better than nothing, and the impact serves only to make you smile wider. When you climb into bed, you find yourself face-to-face with Cassandra. She’s never laid like this with you before. It’s unexpected, even more so when she shifts forward, less than an inch away from your face. Understandably, you end up blushing more than you’d like to admit.

“What was that about red cheeks?” She asks, voice low and breathy, knowing exactly what she was doing to you. Before you can think of the ‘smart’ thing to do, impulse kicks in, making you go in for a quick kiss. It’s supposed to be a joke, a counter to her teasing. But she leans into it. She kisses back. Both of you are blushing hard when she pulls away, a few moments later. You’re trying to stutter out a response, clever or otherwise, and she’s rolling her eyes, rolling onto her other side, putting her back to you. Words fail you. In the end, you are forced to try to sleep, regardless of what just happened. When you dream, there are no nightmares this time. Just a warmth you had thought forgotten.

---------------------------

More days pass, with your tongue slowly loosening up, fueled by playful banter with Cassandra. Neither of you dares to mention the kiss. Nor do you ever speak for too long, as if knowing that your mind still resisted peace. Most evenings are still filled with nightmares, all mimicking your trauma, and you are left to wonder if the tea had even worked that first night, or if something else had helped. In the hopes of more success you drink a mug every day before bed. Admittedly, Cassandra does bring it to you, meaning that forgoing it would require turning her down. That was… harder to do, these days.

When she asks you to join her for lunch, you don’t hesitate to agree. But as you’re waiting in her room, casually reclining on her bed with a book in your hands, a distant scream echoes through the castle. Instantly you’re panicking, wondering who was in trouble. It reminds you so much of the dungeon that you can’t move. Was one of the servants being punished? Had someone merely forgotten to close the door to the basement, and you were hearing the same cries that caused your nightmares? Even though the screaming does not last for long, it renders you helpless, shaking in every bone. It’s not until the door opens that you can think again.

“Change of plans,” Cassandra announces, stepping into the room. There’s a worried expression on her face, and her voice tells you she’s distracted. When she sees the state you’re in, however, she’s quick to sit next to you. “Hey, you’ve got nothing to worry about. It’s Daniela that does. She- her soulmate-... it’s bad. That’s all we know. One second she was fine, the next she’s howling in pain, and there’s a huge scar on her back. We’re going to have a ‘family lunch’, per mother’s insistence, in case it helps Dani think about literally anything other than what just happened.” With that, one of her hands moves to your own, giving a reassuring squeeze. To her surprise, you’re quick to return the gesture.

“I can come with,” you blurt out. Then she’s raising an eyebrow at you, wondering why the hell you’d ever offer to spend time with her family. The family that had imprisoned you. And, of course, intended to drain you of blood, or dine on your flesh. Even you weren’t a hundred percent sure. “This has got to be hard for her. I… I knew someone who went through something similar. Strange as it is, I want to show my support. If you’ll allow me, that is.” There’s neither a pleading tone nor a hint of anger in your voice. But Cassandra still hesitates, eying you, clearly questioning your motive.

“Alright, fine,” she says, after a deep sigh. “If you do anything to make her feel worse, I can’t- and won’t- stop my family from killing you, blood bond be damned. They’ll make it painless, for my sake, but that’s the only kindness you’ll get. Got it?” You nod, giving her hand another squeeze. “Good. Now let’s get going, I don’t want to make Dani wait.”

---------------------------

It’s quiet. Awkward, even. Daniela is clearly still shaken up from her experience, with red eyes, makeup staining her cheeks. No one seems to have the slightest clue of what to say to her. Even you are silent, unable to find a good opportunity to lend your advice or sympathies. Which makes it all the more painful when you find Daniela watching you, eyes narrowed, a tremble to her lower lip. Both Cassandra and Bela seem to notice, pausing their eating to wait with bated breath. Part of you swears you can hear their thoughts of please don’t say anything, please don’t say anything, for the love of everything good in this world. So, naturally, Daniela does in fact say something. But it’s not directed at you- rather your soulmate.

“Did you really have to bring them? Huh? Felt like pouring salt in my wounds?” Her throat is obviously sore from crying, or screaming, likely both. This certainly wasn’t how you wanted your first meeting with her (or her mother) to go. So you summon the best of your courage, replying before Cassandra even opens her mouth.

“I asked to come. I wanted to show my support,” you reply. There’s a pause, with Daniela glaring at you, before she speaks slowly and with unveiled rage.

“Don’t make me laugh. You really thought I’d want to see my sister’s soulmate right now? Alive and well? God, you’re perfect for her, absolutely clueless,” she growls, smacking her fist against the table. Things have gone from bad to worse, but you don’t give up, deciding to take a risk as best as you could. After all, Cassandra had made it clear that your life was on the line.

“Tell me, was the pain bad enough that you passed out?” You ask, ignoring the way your soulmate kicks your feet. She’s desperate for you to shut up, especially now that Daniela’s too angry to even respond. “Are you still in pain now? Answer the question and I’ll either explain, or let you use my bones as toothpicks.”

“Fuck you!” Daniela cries, rising to her feet. Instantly her sisters are standing as well, though it’s unclear what ‘side’ either of them are on. For now, their mother remains sitting, staring at you intensely. When you refuse to back down, the tension in the room flickers, fading a tad. “The pain lasted ten minutes. It’s stopped. They’re…”

“They’re not dead, then. Reason to celebrate, yes?” You suggest, raising your glass before taking a long drink from it. Everyone is eying you with visible confusion. “When I was younger, I was with my best friend during the worst hours of her life. She had met her soulmate at age twelve, three years prior. We had just been… hanging out. Talking. The next thing I knew she was screaming like her blood had turned to acid, sobbing her eyes out. Then she blacked out. By the time she came to, we were at the hospital, and we ran into her soulmate’s family. She asked them what was wrong, why she was in so much pain. I, uh, I think you can guess the answer. Not the specifics, yeah, but the general gist of it. It took twenty four hours for the physical pain to stop. According to the doctors, that’s pretty average. So your soulmate isn’t dead. Chances are you haven’t even met them yet, and someday you’ll see that scar on their back, and you’ll know. I know that this doesn’t make everything okay, but I hope it helps. At least a little.” When Daniela finally brings herself to reply, having sunk back into her seat, it’s with a soft voice, hardly more than a whisper.

“It does. Thank you.”

---------------------------

Later, you’re walking back to Cassandra’s room when she suddenly pushes you against a wall, staring at you with fear in her eyes.

“What you said earlier. About your friend. Was that true?” You’re nodding, quickly, desperate to get her to release you. But she doesn’t. Instead she’s looking at you with concern, tears beginning to form in the corners of her eyes. “Goddamnit, you better not ever fucking die on me then, alright? Promise me. Right now!” A thousand thoughts go through your mind, a thousand jabs or otherwise cruel remarks, but when you speak, it’s with a hushed reverence you cannot describe.

“Same to you. I know you’re practically immortal, but I don’t fucking care. Don’t die on me. Don’t- just don’t. I promise, but you better fucking mean it too, alright?” You say, openly crying, ignoring the way Cassandra’s expression softens at your words. As soon as you’re done speaking she lets you go with a nod, turning back to the hallway, already walking towards her room. You’re not entirely sure what just happened… but you know you’re glad it did.

[aminiatureworld]

Distance

Characters: Childe, Kaeya, gn!reader

Word Count: 4,280

Warnings: Swearing

Premise: What other explanation could there be? Surely this is the one logical answer. Even if it hurts, even if it doesn’t make sense.

In which the reader’s s/o assumes the reader is no longer interested.

Author’s Note: This prompt is really fun to write so far but I feel terrible torturing the poor characters like this. Oops.

Childe

The warm wind tickled Childe’s hair, causing the Harbinger to bat a few orange strands out of his face, eyes still pinned on the harbor that was fast approaching. The balmy breeze of Liyue was refreshing – a reminder of all the things he had been missing on his long-drawn-out trip. Now Childe leaned against the railing of the ship, eager to touch land, unable to contain the excitement he felt at the knowledge of what was awaiting him upon the dock.

Though he didn’t like to admit it this trip had been a particularly harrowing one, not just for Childe but for you as well. The post was notoriously touch-and-go across the Seven nations, especially with the deep snows whirling into Snezhnaya this time of year. The fact that he was gone almost a month certainly didn’t help. If he had to admit it Childe had found himself worrying about the time more than usual, worried how it might affect you. Now he was eager to push all those thoughts away, to once more find himself next to you, all well with the world. As the crew bustled around him to prepare the junk for docking the Harbinger took a deep breath in. There was nothing to worry about. Soon all would be well.

The empty dock was a jarring sight. Though saying it was devoid of people wouldn’t technically be accurate, business was going on as usual after all, to Childe it might as well have been a ghost town. Stumbling slightly, suddenly unsure of where to go, Childe climbed up the ramp awkwardly. Finding no one waiting for him on the stone pier as well, anxiety began to coil in Childe’s stomach. Had something happened? Ignoring the thoughts that flurried through his mind he quickly wove his way through the streets of Liyue. Though the city was bustling as always, laughter and shouting echoing through the air as people haggled and joked and went about their business, Childe found himself disconnected from his surroundings. His only thought was to find you, hopefully safe and sound and happy to see him.

There was no sign of anything wrong as Childe approached the door to your shared apartment. Sighing softly he dug around in his pack for the keys. You’d probably just fallen asleep, having recently taken up the habit of afternoon naps, according to your letters. Childe couldn’t really complain if that were the case, after all rest was important and you could hardly be blamed for not being aware of the time while conked out. Yes, surely you were asleep. Then Childe could give you the surprise of waking next to him. A smirk graced Childe’s lips at the thought of it, and as he turned the key in the lock he reassured himself. There was nothing to be worried about.

Unfortunately the Harbinger’s genius hypothesis had proven to be a false one. A quick scouring of the apartment revealed that you were not there, and no signs of any abnormal activity could be found as an explanation. Anxiety seeping into Childe’s mind he barely set down his pack before bolting out of the door, trying somewhat unconvincingly to keep his pace to a fast walk. Had something happened to you? Surely not! Childe knew you, knew that you could very well take care of yourself. He shouldn’t worry.

Still the thought passed through his head, combined with an even more unpleasant one. Had you simply forgotten about him? What if you didn’t care? Shaking his head the Harbinger took in a deep breath. He was overthinking things, still stuck in the mindset of a Harbinger. Not everything in life was a battle, hadn’t you told him that many times, teasing his constant need to see an obstacle to beat somewhere? He really should take your advice more seriously, at least in this case. Slowly down slightly Childe walked to the city center. He was sure his answer would be here; and that it would be so mundane as to not bother a second thought.

His pulse jumped in his throat as you finally entered his field of vision. You were sitting around with a few people, coworkers if the Guild crest and weaponry didn’t serve him wrong, chatting and smiling and overall having a wonderful time. Emotions stirred through Childe, the urge to run up to you, to stalk away, to find the nearest fountain and jump into it; but he stayed put, staring at your laughing face, pain flashing in his chest. He supposed he should’ve felt angry, felt like he’d been stood up. Instead all he felt was sadness, sadness and guilt.

Finally turning around Childe plodded back down the street, steps slow and sluggish. What did he expect really, for you to wait around for him forever? How was that fair? There was no reason you shouldn’t grow sick of waiting, shouldn’t want more out of your life. You were perfectly within your rights to want such a thing. Yet the pain continued, spreading throughout his chest until Childe felt like his lungs were on fire and his throat was crumpled in a fist of his own making.

Arriving back at the apartment a supernatural urge seemed to seize the Harbinger. Pack, he needed to pack. He wouldn’t burden you anymore, wouldn’t continue to strain your emotions by hanging around like a phantom. Luckily Childe wasn’t the kind of person to own a lot of things. Not that you really were either, between the both of you purchases mainly went into gifts for each other rather than personal buys. Childe now stood looking down at some of the things you’d bought or made for him. Scarves, books, a stuffed animal that had reminded you of his Delusion; all of these things lay peacefully on the shelf, giving the books behind them a slightly trapped looked. It was so homey and so comforting that Childe found tears pooling at the corners of his eyes.

Wiping his eyes roughly the Harbinger collapsed onto the couch. What was he doing? Part of him wondered if he shouldn’t just wait for you to come home, wait and see where you two really were. But it seemed unfair to do that. After all, what kind of sleazy person left their partner for a month then begged for their love and attention right after coming home? It was completely within your rights to want more, hadn’t Childe already made that clear to himself? And yet it hurt, it hurt so much. How had he managed to mess this all up, to let the thing most precious to him fall out of his hands? He had been so careless.

Giving himself up to his emotions Childe let the pooling tears stream down his cheeks. Suddenly everything seemed so very heavy. Closing his eyes for a moment Childe sighed. Five minutes, he would give himself five minutes before returning to his packing. Yet the familiar comfort of the couch beckoned to him, and soon fatigue overwhelmed him, dragging him down into the realm of sleep. Thankfully, he dreamt of nothing.

“Childe what are you doing?!”

Lurching up Childe glanced around wildly, hands automatically moving to summon his weapon. For a few seconds he found himself utterly confused, unable to comprehend where he was or what was going on. Soon enough however, the situation came crashing back to him and the Harbinger lowered his weapon. Glancing up at you he braced himself for whatever was going to happen next.

Well you certainly seemed upset, though not exactly in the way Childe might have expected. Instead of anger there seemed something more akin to panic in your eyes, and the red patches on your face certainly pointed to distress more than anything else.

“Is something wrong?”

“Is something wrong, you tell me that!” You took in a few erratic breaths, but your tone remained panicky. “Why are you packing? Do you have another trip? Why are you leaving?”

“I, I thought that it would be easier if I just left.” Childe lowered his head, unable to look you in the eyes. “I figured that I would spare you the pain of having to kick me out yourself.”

“Why in Teyvat would I kick you out?” You sat down on the couch next to Childe, and he could feel your eyes piercing through him. “What’s going on?”

“I didn’t see you at the docks when I returned.” Childe paused, gathering his thoughts. “At first I thought that you’d just fallen asleep or something but you weren’t home. And when I saw you out with your friends, well it made me realize how distant I’ve really been; physically, emotionally, everything. I realized that, and I realized that you deserved better, that I hadn’t been doing enough. I realized that you deserve more, deserve a partner who will always be there for you, who you won’t always have to be waiting for.”

“Oh Ajax.” You whispered softly.

Raising his head Childe could see no relief in your expression. Instead sadness was plainly plastered upon your face. Reaching out your hands you let Childe slump against you, carding your fingers through his hair as he rested his head on your shoulder.

“I’m sorry my darling, I thought you were coming back tomorrow. That’s why I was out. I would never think such a thing as abandoning you,” you spoke softly, tone achingly soft, “I mean it. Our relationship isn’t conventional, that’s true; but I would never trade it for anything. I would never think that you weren’t giving enough, I know how hard you work and how much you put into everything you know. Believe me Ajax, I don’t begrudge you any distance, I’ve never lacked love from you.”

“But what if one day you want something more,” Childe couldn’t help but ask, “what if one day letters aren’t enough? What if one day, what if one day I’m not enough?”

“I promise that will never happen,” you let out a soft sigh, “really Ajax you hold yourself too cheaply. You shouldn’t underestimate yourself, or underestimate me for that matter. You will always be enough for me. There will never be a day I want anything or anyone different, and if need be I will remind you of that every. single. day.”

Punctuation the last three words with kisses to Childe’s head you smiled as he titled his face up to gaze into yours. Though the panic had evaporated from you there was still sadness, and for a moment Childe felt guilt wash over him, guilt that he had caused you so many trials and that he hadn’t even had the courage to face you about it.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Although I do appreciate you understanding that almost stealing out into the night nearly gave me a heart attack.”

“Not my brightest moment.” Childe admitted.

“Perhaps not,” you laughed, “I mean really, you’d think that it was the second act of a tragedy or something, and not one I’d like to participate in.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize! Just don’t do it again, or next time I’ll get genuinely angry, and then you won’t get off the hook so easily.”

Childe pressed his lips to yours, another unspoken apology. Though you let out a small huff of impatience you nevertheless leaned into the kiss, smiling against his lips as you let your hands drift from his hair to his shoulders.

That night Childe lay awake, listening to the soft cadence of your breath, indulging in the feeling of peace that lay over him. Though he knew that his worries and insecurities would never truly leave him, Childe nonetheless felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Maybe one days his fears would come true, maybe one day this life wouldn’t be enough. But “ifs” and “maybes” weren’t guarantees, and until that day happened Childe would cherish the time he spent with you.

Besides, Childe trusted no one as much as he trusted you. If you said that such a day would never come to pass, then surely you were right.

  Kaeya

You were working late again.

Kaeya supposed that it shouldn’t have bothered him, but then again he also supposed that almost anyone would feel somewhat uneasy if their colleague and partner was suddenly avoiding them like the plague.

Okay, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, but not much in Kaeya’s mind. Of course, if this were some sort of habit then he would hardly mind; but after months of making it a tradition to always walk home together, well, safe to say the whole thing didn’t sit well. Nor was it simply a matter of you staying to work late, even the days where you finished earlier than him it seemed that you were always dashing off somewhere, leaving him painfully out of the loop.

Now Kaeya stood across the room from you, fingers drumming on his arm, face carefully hiding the irritation and concern that rose up inside him, threatening to spill over.

“I’m really sorry Kaeya!” Your tone was sincere, and the apology in your eyes seemed genuine enough. “It’s just that Jean asked me to look over the ledgers for the infantry. You know the captain is out this week, but Jean didn’t want to have to owe the City and the soldiers in terms of late funds. I promise it won’t take that long, I’ll be done as fast as I can.”

“Why don’t I help you with it?” Kaeya could feel the sarcasm sweetening his tone, attempted to rein it in he stared at you silently.

“You’ve been working so hard, I wouldn’t want to bother you with extra work.”

“It wouldn’t be a bother at all. Anything for my dear partner.”

“Really, it’s fine!” You twisted your hands, a nervous habit that Kaeya had long ago picked up on. “I’ll be done in time for dinner. And then we can the new recipe you’ve been telling me about; okay?”

“Very well.”

“Thanks for understanding!”

Though you seemed happy enough by the proposition Kaeya noticed how fast your head moved to the papers on your desk. Closing the door behind him he heard you let out a loud sigh. Clenching his hands, as if to remind himself that he was still in a semi-public setting, Kaeya stalked out of the Knight’s Headquarters. The thoughts in his head felt like static, and he worried that if he remained still for one more moment it would swallow him up.

Walking the streets of Mondstadt, Kaeya tried to reflect back upon the past few weeks. Had he done something wrong? Wracking his brain for any serious disputes Kaeya came up frustratingly emptyhanded. If you had fought over something this whole debacle would be one thing. Kaeya had a temper of his own, and petty acts of anger was something he admittedly struggled with often enough. He could hardly fault you if you acted in a similar way, or at least not without admitting to his own faults.

And yet nothing had happened, nothing that might cause such a dispute. Clenching his hands one more, aware that his knuckles must’ve been bone white, Kaeya let his thoughts drift to darker waters. What if you were just sick of him? It was certainly plausible, or at least Kaeya thought so. It would certainly explain why you now seemed to be avoiding him like the plague outside of work.

The thought hurt, as it might well do, but surprisingly most of the pain didn’t come from the idea itself, but from the idea that you wouldn’t tell him such a thing. You falling out of love with Kaeya would be been incredibly painful. You not trusting him enough to the point you were simply avoiding him, well the thought was enough to knock the wind out of him. Did you really think so ill of him? The idea filled Kaeya with smoldering rage and indignation – fueled in no little part by the fact that Kaeya ultimately might agree with you. Usually thoughts like those were the kinds you hated, the kinds you chased away with a stick, assuring Kaeya that no matter his past decisions he was still worthwhile. But you weren’t here now, and those dark thoughts were now kindling for the fire that burned in Kaeya’s mind.

By the time he’d reached the apartment Kaeya was almost sure of his hypothesis. Though a small part of his brain reminded him that he was working of a diet of sleep deprivation and anger, such logical thinking was easy enough to shrug off. After all, the signs were there. You were evidently getting quite sick of him, it was hardly Kaeya’s fault that he caught on.

Throwing his equipment on the floor, not bothering to even put his sword up on its stand, the Cavalry Captain walked towards the kitchen. What he needed was drink, maybe even two. Really if it were up to him he’d spend the next hour or so getting as drunk as possible before passing out in the tub. Thankfully though his reason hadn’t completely left him, and Kaeya managed to limit himself to two and a half glasses of cider. He needed to be at least on the side of sober for the conversation that was bound to pass once you came home after all.

The lateness of the hour in which you arrived felt like a personal insult, though really it was only 21:00 or so.

“Kaeya?” You called out, whipping the Cavalry Captain out of his thoughts.

Stepping into the kitchen the grin on your face was a stark contrast to the emotions that swirled in Kaeya’s mind. Hands clasped behind your back you stood in the doorframe as if expecting something. You’d probably be in for a nasty surprise. Kaeya smiled sweetly at you, words burning in his mouth, mixing with the alcohol. This was a bad idea.

“How was the paperwork?”

“The paperwork? Oh! It was boring enough I suppose. I kept getting distracted though, I really should’ve had you there, you could’ve kept me from nodding off.”

“I’m sure I would have. Tell me something my dear, I have a question that’s been burning in my mind.”

“Yes?”

“Tell me why it is that out lovely Acting Grandmaster asked you to go over the ledgers when I was assigned to that exact thing yesterday?”

Ignoring the blotches of red that immediately spread across your cheeks Kaeya stood up. Carefully going to clean the glass he’d been using he stared into the sink, not trusting himself to look at you. If he did all the words he wanted to say would fly out at once, and something that probably shouldn’t be said with them.

“Did she ask you that? How odd! She must’ve wanted a second pair of eyes or something, I guess.”

“Are my eyes not good enough?”

“Kaeya, you know I wasn’t insulting your work.” A sort of shocked irritation ran through your voice. “You’re the best knight in Mondstadt after all.”

“Oh really? Well if you think so highly of me then why have you been avoiding me so much?”

“I haven’t been avoiding you.”

“Then let me ask a different question; when was the last time we walked home together?”

“I don’t know, a week and a half ago?”

“Try two and a half.” Kaeya finally turned around, drumming his fingers on the counter. “Why are you avoiding me?”

“I’m not avoiding you!” Indignation shot through your words as you shook your head. “I’m just busy recently.”

“Busy with made up work.”

“It’s not made up!”

“Oh really, then tell me what was your work last night?”

“I had to oil the bow strings for my regiment.”

“They couldn’t do it themselves according to protocol?”

“Not the new recruits they couldn’t!”

“Then what about the day before?”

“Kaeya!” You finally burst out. “I don’t know why you’re so quick to find fault with me right now! Just tell me what you’re getting at, if you’re going to insult me you might as well do it head on.”

A part of him admired you for wanting to look at the problem right in the face, another part of him thought of how well you knew him, how attuned you were to his moods. Just as he had figured out that you were avoiding him, so could you tell that his jabs were a misdirection. It was almost funny really, seeing the things you both had picked up about one another now used at the end.

“Fine.” Kaeya crossed his arms, hoping his expression was at least somewhat neutral. “It seems obvious to me that you’ve been avoiding me, and that you no longer want my company. What I am getting at is the fact that you want to break up, and that you evidently trust me so little with that fact that the only solution you’ve come up with is to avoid me.”

Your face went slack with shock, pupils turning to pinpricks as you stumbled backwards. Finally letting your arms fall to your sides you grabbed the side of the doorframe, as if unable to process what he just come out of your partner’s mouth.

“What?”

“Do you really trust me so little?” Kaeya pressed on, feeling his emotions begin to spill over. “Am I really so untrustworthy that you can’t even tell me you want to end things? Am I, am I really that untrustworthy?”

Everything seemed to be going all wrong. Kaeya had expected you to immediately fess up, had expected guilt and relief and then the end. Instead all he got was incredulous silence, incredulous silence and a look that screamed utter and total disbelief.

“Do you really think that I would do that to you?”

The question was a simple enough one, one that anyone might ask during a conversation of this nature. Still your tone was so dispassionate that Kaeya couldn’t help but pause. Did he really think that you would do such a thing? His anger certainly thought so, helped a great deal by his current buzzed state. All that aside however, did he really think that? When he woke up tomorrow, would these thoughts still be swirling through his head, these angry thoughts that threatened to burn through his happiness.

“I don’t know.” It was the best answer he could give.

“Then why would you accuse me of something you weren’t even sure of?”

“I…”

“Kaeya have you really thought so little about what you just told me?”

He almost wanted to apologize for how stupid his words seemed in retrospect.

“Would it help you if I told you where I actually was?”

Your voice was still quiet, but not entirely closed. Nodding stiffly Kaeya felt his fingers still.

“Very well. You were right about one thing, I wasn’t actually checking the ledgers for Jean; and I wasn’t oiling bowstrings all day either, I mean our troops should know how to do that at least. But you made one mistake in your judgement Kaeya, the idea that I was avoiding you. In truth I was gathering materials, I wanted to make a new sword for you. Your current one is so brittle and since I know you don’t want to use the sword you were given as an heirloom, well I thought that I wouldn’t wait for your current one to break and that your new one would be a present.”

“…I see.”

It was all Kaeya could get out; how else could he reply? Shame and guilt mingled within his mind, quickly dousing any anger that he might’ve felt. He really fucked up this one didn’t he. He let his emotions slip once more and now he had made a fool of himself. More than that he had refused to trust you, had ended up doing the exact thing he had just accused you of. Now what was there to do? He couldn’t exactly slink away with his dignity; even if he had managed to retain that, there weren’t many places to go.

“I’m sorry.”

“What?”

Kaeya jerked his head up from the spot he’d been examining on the floor, confused by the sudden turn of the conversation. You stared into his eyes, shrugging slightly.

“I said I’m sorry. I’m sorry Kaeya, I should’ve come up with a better method. I didn’t mean to make you worried, or to make you feel like I wanted to no longer associate with you. Believe me that’s the last thing I want to do. So I’m sorry that I made you feel that way.”

“I was the one who accused you of all those things that weren’t true.”

“You did. I’m not very happy about that to be honest; you’re going to be doing some serious penance for the next week. I just figured that before that I would apologize. Then we could be even. Okay?”

Reaching out your hand Kaeya finally noticed what you’d been hiding. The windwheel aster was slightly limp, the breeze that gave it its beauty nowhere to be found. Nevertheless it seemed at the moment the most beautiful flower in the world. Walking over to you Kaeya tentatively took the flower in his hand. Smiling softly he leaned down to kiss you.

“I’m sorry.”

Tomorrow he’d start making it up to you. Tomorrow he wouldn’t listen to his demons, wouldn’t let his own lack of self-worth hurt you. Tomorrow he would do better by you and more. Today he would say sorry.

After all, he had plenty of time.

[the-al-chemist]

What If You Fly? - Part Two

My Sister’s Teacher

A/N: Zadie’s story continues for Day 2 of @kc-and-co’s Spring Challenge, and with the prompt for today being “Siblings”, Zadie seeks help from her sister, and later from Reva, Robin, and Sage Carridan (who belong to @lifeofkaze, @that-scouse-wizard, and @kc-and-co, respectively). Warnings: anxiety, learning differences, and ableism.

“No, you start adding the lionfish spines after you finish with the salamander blood. And remember, you have to add half of them at a time. Are you even listening to me?”

Zadie frowned and rubbed her eyes, pulling them away from the window and back to her sister Phoebe, sitting across the table from her with an open textbook and a pile of flashcards.

“Sorry. Yes, I’m listening,” Zadie sighed. “Salamander blood, then half the lionfish spines.”

“How many do you need in total?”

“Um, twelve?”

“No, ten,” Phoebe corrected her. “So, you add five and then wait for the potion to turn what colour before you add the rest?”

Zadie knew the answer to this one. “Red.”

“The potion’s already red, remember?”

“It is?”

“Yes, it turns red and then you add the lionfish. That’s easy to remember because lions are the mascot for Gryffindor and Gryffindor colours are red and gold.”

Zadie blinked, and Phoebe sighed.

“Oh, come on, Zadie,” she said, laying down the textbook so that her shiny yellow prefect badge could be seen pinned to her blouse. “It’s a Wiggenweld Potion. Did you not learn this last year?”

“I did, but-”

“Then it should be easy.”

“Well, it isn’t!”

“Only because you aren’t paying attention,” Phoebe pursed her lips, and so did Zadie. “You know, I have a life of my own.”

“I know that.”

“It’s a Hogsmeade weekend. My friends have all gone out shopping, and I’ve stayed here so that I can help you study for this test. I’m going out of my way to help you, and you’re not even trying!”

“I am trying!”

“It doesn’t seem like it.”

“I’m trying really hard, actually,” said Zadie, trying her hardest not to cry. “I can’t help it that I’m useless and not good at anything.”

“Oh, don’t get upset,” Phoebe stood up and walked around the table, wrapping her arms around Zadie. “I know you’re not good at Potions, duckling, but that doesn’t mean you’re useless.”

“It’s not just Potions I’m not good at. I’m terrible at everything.”

“That’s not true. You’re good at… some things. You were always really good at ballet, everyone always used to say so, even when you were tiny.”

“But that’s no good here,” Zadie sighed. “I just wish I was clever like you.”

“You are clever,” Phoebe told her, releasing Zadie from her hug. “The Sorting Hat wouldn’t have put you in Ravenclaw if you weren’t.”

“So why aren’t you in Ravenclaw then?”

“Because Hufflepuffs work hard,” Phoebe said pointedly, returning to her seat. “If you work harder, you’ll get just as good grades as I do. Come on, let’s start again with this Wiggenweld Potion. Just concentrate this time, okay?”

Zadie nodded and sat up straight in her seat, trying her hardest to concentrate. Phoebe was right. She had managed to pass most of her first year exams by working hard, surely she could do even better by working harder this year. By dinner time, she had just about gotten the hang of the Wiggenweld Potion, and with her bag full of Phoebe’s flashcards, she returned to Ravenclaw tower that evening ready to revise late into the night, eventually falling asleep in her favourite chair in the common room.

She did the same the following night, and the night after that, and every night for the following week up until the morning of the dreaded Potions exam, ignoring Victoire’s protests that she was working too hard. It was worth it, though, or at least it would be, just as soon as she opened that test paper and found it so very, very…

Difficult.

A sense of panic began to rise inside Zadie as she read and re-read the exam questions, the words leaping and pirouetting around the page as she did so. Some of these things she hadn’t known she needed to revise, and even the ones she had revised she found herself struggling to write cohesively about. As her panic grew, she became unable to even remember some of the things she had worked so hard to revise. How many lionfish spines went into a Wiggenweld potion, again? And did you put them in to make the potion turn red or after it had already turned red? Or was it gold?

In the end, the exam finished before she had, and she put down her quill with two paragraphs left of the final question. She left the classroom without talking to anyone, not even Victoire, and went straight up to the first courtyard she found so that she could breathe in some fresh air, sitting in the cloisters with her eyes closed and hands wringing together.

“Hey, Zadie,” said a voice, as familiar to her as her own, and she opened her eyes to see Phoebe standing over her, a group of her friends a short distance away. “Are you okay, duckling?”

Conscious of Phoebe’s friends watching their conversation, and already feeling a little embarrassed of her childhood nickname, Zadie forced a smile and nodded.

“How did the test go?” Phoebe asked her, and Zadie made a humming noise in response, raising her hand and tilting it one way then another. Phoebe smiled. “I’m sure it went better than you think. You worked so hard for it, after all.”

Zadie’s heart hurt as she watched Phoebe walk away with her girlfriends. Phoebe had a lot of girlfriends, and she was popular with boys, too. All the teachers loved her, they always made a point of telling Zadie what a wonderful student her sister was. Not like you, were their unspoken words.

Now, Zadie knew what they meant. Yes, Phoebe gave things her very best try, she worked hard, and she was always going out of her way to be kind and helpful to others, but even if she wasn’t trying or working hard or going out of her way to do things, things still came so easily to her. Zadie didn’t think that Phoebe had ever worked so hard for anything that she had fallen asleep in a chair night after night, or almost cried in the library, or not joined a club so that she would have more time to study. Zadie had done all of those things, and she still wasn’t as good as Phoebe was, and she never would be, no matter how hard she tried. So what was the point in trying?

The more she thought about it, the more she didn’t want to try anymore. But then what? She had to do something. The problem was, she wasn’t good at anything, except for dancing, of course, but that was no use here. Unless…

She wiped her eyes and stood up, suddenly decided, and walked to the Great Hall. Instead of joining Victoire at the Ravenclaw table, however, she approached the Gryffindor table, where Reva Amari and Robin Willows were using their forks to flick peas at a good looking third year boy with reddish hair, who was flirting with a girl over a pack of playing cards.

“Hi there, Zadie,” Reva grinned. “Here, want to help us? There’s plenty of forks.”

“Oh, no,” replied Zadie, shaking her head. “I just wanted to know more about Quidditch and the camp you two go to in the summer. I really miss flying and I thought maybe I might try out for the house team, after all.”

“Why are you talking to us about it?”

“Well, you said that-”

“I know, but we aren’t in charge of your house team,” said Reva, and she pointed across the Great Hall to the Ravenclaw table, where a fifth year girl with red curly hair was holding a large book in one hand and a steaming mug in the other. “See over there? That’s Sage Carridan. She’s Captain of the Ravenclaw team, and she helps coach the little ones at Quidditch camp. She’s amazing. Tell her I sent you, she knows me. She’ll definitely help you out if she knows that we’re friends.”

Zadie nodded, not realising that she and Reva were friends already, and left the two Gryffindor girls to their peas. The Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain regarded her sceptically over the top of her book as she approached her.

“Um, Sage Carridan?”

“That is my name,” said Sage Carridan, cocking a single auburn eyebrow. “Are you going to tell me yours?”

“It’s Zadie,” Zadie told her. “Zadie Taylor-Allen. I’m one of Reva’s friends.”

“Of course you are. And how can I help you, Zadie?”

Zadie glanced over her shoulder at Phoebe and her friends sitting at the Hufflepuff table, before taking a deep breath, looking Sage in the eye, and telling her:

“I’d like to join the Quidditch team.”

[stuckyxren]

Back at it again…….

Just imagine..

You are over worked and exhausted.

You are going through a breakup, are working 40+ hours a week, and you are taking 4 college classes on top of trying to have any life at all.

Sleep doesn’t come easy and you are stressed to the point of breaking out into hives. You just want to stop and let your best guy friends snuggle you in between them, but you don’t have time to stop. There is so much to do and so little time. The emotional and mental toll it’s all taking is making you even more tired than ever before.

Steve and Bucky arrive on your floor one evening. After realizing they hadn’t heard from you in a few hours, and knowing you are home since you got off of work hours prior, they felt the need to come check on you. They see through the charade you’ve been fronting for them. Hell, Bucky is an ex assassin. He knew as soon as it started, but Steve wanted to give you some space to get used to the routine of things before trying to fix it all for you. Steve knows you want to be independent, but they both know you are getting near, if you haven’t already passed, your breaking point.

You are sitting in your bed, music ridiculously loud, typing quickly on your laptop. A cup of coffee sits on your nightstand, even though it is pretty late into the evening, as you attempt to get as much done as you can. Exhaustion crept up on you before you even got home, but you had too many assignments due in one week, so you just keep the music up to keep yourself awake and drink a cup or two of coffee. Your getting the jitters as you haven’t eaten anything since lunch time and this is your 3rd cup of coffee today.

Steve and Bucky walk right into your open bedroom door, but you don’t even notice them. From afar, the boys see the tremors in our hands, the way your legs bounce even as you sit. They know that look. You are over caffeinated and exhausted, on the brink of a panic attack, and you don’t even realize it. Your face is flushed and sweat is starting to bead on your forehead as the boys witness your anxiety build when you obviously make a mistake.

Steve walks straight into your en-suite as Bucky calls to you.

“Hey doll. You okay?” Bucky practically yells over the music. You jump and quickly scramble into a fighting position, swaying dangerously on your feet. Bucky steps forward to steady you. “I’ll take that as a no.”

Just as Steve comes in, you collapses into Bucky, no longer able to hold yourself up. Your breaths are coming in short and fast as you claw to get ahold of Bucky. Your weakness and sudden dizziness scaring you.

“I’ve gotcha.” Bucky murmurs as he catches you, hoisting you into his arms. Bucky begins walking toward the living room as Steve follows suit, grabbing your trash bin on the way out. This has happened before. Your nerves, plus your exhaustion, plus not eating, plus the caffeine, plus the anxiety attack normally makes you sick to your stomach. Sometimes nothing happens, but Steve knows to be prepared.

“Hey. Hey. Hey. Look at me beautiful.” Steve said as Bucky sat down with you in his lap, your back to his chest. Steve sits beside y’all, grabbing your face gently in his hands, attempting to make eye contact. “I need you to slow down for us. Can you do that?”

You shake your head, reaching up to grip Steve’s wrists. You squeeze your eyes and your mouth shut as the nausea climbs and you squirm in Bucky’s lap.

Bucky rubs your stomach above your shirt and leans his head on your shoulder, quietly shushing you in between saying sweet nothings. Both boys are trying their hardest to calm you down, but they are having no luck.

“Excuse me, I have requested for Agent Romanoff to come assist.” Friday breaks in.

Just as the AI informs y’all, Natasha walks in with a glass of water and a few pills. “Banner asked me to run these up for you guys. Friday informed him of her vitals while we were doing some paper work in the lab.”

“Thanks Tasha.” Bucky replies, reaching out his free hand to grab the items from the assassin. “We got it from here. Don’t wanna crowd her too much.”

“Of course.” Natasha replies, gently running a hand through your hair. “Feel better немного любви (little love).” Then she’s gone.

Steve has a sharp eye on you and is preparing to lunge for the trash can that he has as he watches your face turn a grayish color as your breathing picks up even more. Steve watches as Bucky puts the wash cloth on the back of your neck and resumes rubbing your stomach. Steve keeps his hands on your face even as you tilt your head back to rest on Bucky’s shoulder. The temperature of your face rises as the panic and nausea rises.

Just as the nausea hits its brink, your face suddenly goes a bit colder. Steve feels the change and lunges to shove the trash can under your chin. Bucky pulls your hair away from your face as you heave into the trash bin Steve provides.

You attempt to hold back the wave of coffee that threats to come up. “Ste- uuurk” You attempt to cry out, but that sends the coffee up and out.

“Shhhhh Hunny. I know. You’re okay.” Steve shushes you. At this point, all they can do is let it happen and take care of you. Steve and Bucky exchange sympathetic glances over your shoulder as they each attempt to soothe you.

You get sick multiple times. Occasionally, Bucky gives your back a few thumps when you sputter. The boys shush you and try to soothe your shaking and jarring form as they wait it out with you.

After a few minutes, you sit back, finally finished. You pant as Bucky pulls you further into him and Steve backs off slightly. The trash can is placed a bit away, but still within reach. Steve takes off his shirts, using the white tank top to clean off your mouth before handing you the water. Steve has you rinse and spit before allowing you to drink any water.

The room is silent as you all wait to make sure the water will stay down. After a few minutes with nothing happening, but the sound of you panting between sips, they get to work.

“Here Buck. I’ll take her. Can you go clean that out and make her something light?” Steve asks his boyfriend, reaching for you.

You allow Steve to take you as Bucky gets up with a nod in Steve’s direction. You snuggle down as Steve takes the glass and sets it on the coffee table. Your head rests on his chest as you listen to his heart beat and Bucky working in the kitchen. You finally begin calming down as Steve sits with you in silence, letting you match your breathing to his own as he holds you close, rubbing your back gently.

When Bucky comes back, he gives you some soup and crackers, telling you to eat some so that you can take your medicine. You comply, exhausted and knowing that he is right.

“You gotta quit doing this to yourself doll.” Bucky says as he hands the medication to you after you finish up.

Steve still has you in his lap. You are reclined back into his chest and he rests his chin on your shoulder. “He’s right. You gotta quit overworking yourself. You just literally made yourself sick.”

“I know.” You reply, tilting your head down. You feel ashamed that they had to come to your rescue because you couldn’t have better time management. “I just have a lot on my plate. I’m sorry.” Then the tears start falling.

“Hey. Hey. Hey. None of that.” Bucky says, gently tilting your face up and wiping at the tears as they fall. “We know you do, but you gotta take care of yourself.”

“Like stopping for meals, drinking more water, sleeping.” Steve says, rubbing your arms.

“I know. Sometimes I get so stuck in what I’m doing. I forget.” You sigh.

“We know. That’s why we came up.” Steve replied. “We hadn’t heard from you in a while. You’ve been like this since the breakup and we were starting to get worried.”

“Well, I’ve been worried, but we wanted to let you have some time to readjust. Half a year is a long time to be dating someone. Some people might think otherwise, but by then, you have routines and you’ve been with someone romantically and it can be hard to get used to being alone again.” Bucky says, fighting to be that vulnerable, but knowing you need to hear it.

“It’s been so hard.” You answer quietly. “I got used to always having someone to talk to, someone to cuddle, someone to watch movies with and eat junk food. Someone who I loved and thought I would spend the rest of my life with. *sniff* I feel so alone and working or doing homework makes me forget sometimes.” You cry, leaning further into Steve, curling up in his lap as you talk.

Bucky continues to wipe your tears. He pulls the blanket off the back of the couch and covers you with it as he sees the look of exhaustion on your face. The battle for sleep has begun now that your body has been fed and properly hydrated.

“We know sweetheart. We know.” Steve murmurs, tightening his hold on you. “We’ve got you now though. We will help you in any way that we can.”

“Yeah.” Bucky agrees, snuggling into you and Steve. “We can snuggle. We can watch movies and eat junk. We can even talk to you all the time.”

“It may not be the same.” Steve says, turning to kiss you on the crown of your head. “But we love you.”

“I love you guys too.” You say as you drift to sleep.

Later on, once they are sure you are asleep, the boys carry you to bed and lay down with you. Bucky clears the bed off and goes around your floor to make sure everything is off for the night before returning to you and Steve. Once Steve gets his good night kiss from Bucky, they both place a kiss on your forehead before laying down beside you to sleep.