#simply my argument against this kind of claim

[surrealriptide]

i think most people who are against the idea of childe having any form of trauma seem to be(in my case) dismissive of it because they either believe the existence of it will butcher his current personality or it will deem it as "fake"

so,let me put this here: having trauma doesn't make you a malfunctioning angst machine.you can have trauma and still thrive to see the good in the things,even if your brain tells you otherwise

In Childe's case,while he is a character who wears 'masks' , doesn't essentially mean everything he's been shown to be is a lie.Afterall,everyone wears masks, it's simply how we adapt.

if the time comes and it is revealed that he does indeed hold that kind of struggle,he doesn't need to be someone entirely new.He can just be both truths at the same time

[mariacrow]

How would tfp cons react to their human female s/o got captured by Airachnid?

Sorry for typos or any kind of mistakes 😭 I lose my darn concentration while writing this long

Hope you like it! 💜

STICKY SITUATION

✦ TFP Decepticons x reader ✦

2nd person

female reader

AU where the reader has joined the Decepticons and mostly works in the lab or helps with repairing

reader is captured by Airachnid mostly because of her envy

kidnapping, possessiveness, threats, heated arguments/fight (physical)

injuries, blood, rescue, comfort

MEGATRON

Airachnid would hunt you down, wrap you in that sticky web-like substance of hers and bring you to lord Megatron with an excuse that you sabotaged a project and set the whole lab on fire while in fact it was her doing

Accusing you of unloyalty while standing before Megatron's feet, you'd scream and beg him to listen to you, claiming Airachnid is lying

Airachnid: SILENCE, YOU TRAITOROUS RODENT!

She would shout as she'd seal your mouth with the sticky substance

Your lord would observe, doubting you'd do anything like that. As he'd look into your pleading, innocent, tormented eyes, his spark would ache. Not that he expressed it. He'd rather perish than express his vulnerability for you

Then he'd look into Airachnid's eyes full of hope that he’d tear you into tiny pieces of young flesh as he’d get struck by her tiny, devilish grin

Airachnid: my lord. Your wish is my command. I can inflict indescribable pain on her if you let me. She deserves it.

Megatron: no. She does not.

Would be all he'd say before he'd walk to you and free you. You'd start desperately trying to explain yourself but he'd nonchalantly interrupt you:

Megatron: accidents happen. You shall proceed. Shockwave awaits your assistance back in the lab.

He'd give an order and wait for you to leave. Then he'd walk back to Airachnid who'd be in pure shock

Megatron: if you want to terminate her, lying to your leader would be the unwisest way to do it.

Airachnid: my liege-

Megatron: SILENCE! Do such thing again and you shall be the one torn to pieces by my own bare hands. DO YOU UNDERSTAND!?

Airachnid: yes, my liege... *as she'd reluctantly bow*

Megatron: and stay away from her. She is far more useful than you are, Airachnid.

Naughty you would stay close to the door and listen. You'd giggle to yourself as you'd hear your master play favorites

Airachnid is not oblivious though. She noticed he cares for you which she'll use against him. She would already start making new plans on how to get rid of you, lord Megatron's pet.

💜

STARSCREAM

He’d be in shock when he’d get a report from the vehicons that you’ve been attacked by Airachnid

He’d order his soldiers to show him where you are as he’d call for backup

When he’d find you wrapped in a cocoon upside down in a storage room, being threatened by Airachnid, he’d order her to stay down as he’d aim his rockets at her

Airachnid: oh please, Starscream. Like a couple of your cloned servants could stop me.

Starscream: you fool! Free her this instant or perish.

Airachnid: so it is true~ commander Starscream has a new pet human~

Starscream: I do not care for… a human! I am simply fulfilling my duty! We need her for the project!

Airachnid would hiss and threaten to slice your throat

Airachnid: and why would that stop me from getting rid of this infestation!

Starscream: Megatron will have your head! And so will I.

An evil smirk would grow on Screamer’s face plate as they’d charged their weapons at her. She’d reluctantly and angrily release you, making you painfully drop on the floor and yelp

Airacnid: until next time, rodent.

She’d say as she’d crawl her way out of the storage room, disappointed that her plan of getting rid of you had failed

Starscream would slice the cocoon open and free you as he’d emotionlessly tell you to get up.

You’d thank him as he’d walk you out and say:

Starscream: not a word to anyone about this, got it?

Totally into you but his dignity and ego can’t allow him to admit he fell in love with one from the species he hates the most

💜

KNOCKOUT

Knockout: YOU WHAT!?

Airachnid: relax, Knockout~ No one will even notice she’s gone~ and we both know everyone dislikes her-

Knockout: I DON’T- I mean- WE DON’T! Lord Megatron needs her to complete this project! She became one of the key members of the lab, I-

Airachnid: indeed. Indeed she did. She’s taking your position. Soon, lord Megatron will replace you with her.

Her cunning aft would try to manipulate him

Knockout: the only one who can be replaced on this ship is you! You’re afraid of her. Now tell me where she is before I cut you into pieces!

He’d say as he’d get his saw out and aggressively rev it at her to which she wouldn’t even flinch, bluffing

Airachnid: calm down, doctor, it isn’t a big deal. Just a little game I like playing with her. And my my~ so it is true~ doctor does have his favorite assistant after all~

Knockout would groan and go look for your. He’d turn the whole ship upside down until he’d find you somewhere well hidden with tied limbs

He’s dramatically scream and free you carefully as he’d baby talk to you

Knockout: look what that wretched femme did to you! Nt nt nt… Don’t worry, little one, I won’t let that creepy spider lady get near you ever again, no no~ Doctor’s promise~

Y/N: don’t say that ever again-

Knockout: what I thought it’s cute-

As he’d carry you back to the lab and shower you with kisses

💜

BREAKDOWN

She knows how much he cares for you and how easily distracted he gets which she’d cunningly use against him in battle

She’d capture you and make you hang upside down a thick tree branch the moment he’d attack her

Airachnid: are you sure you want to play this game again, Breakdown? Because we have a new contestant~

Breakdown would freeze as he’d see you desperately trying to scream with your mouth sealed

Airachnid: I think she wants to say hello to her precious boyfriend~

She’d say as she’d free your mouth and let you scream for Breakdown. But instead you’d encourage him:

Y/N: BEAT HER ASS, BREAKDOWN!!!

To which he’d frown and power up, get his hammer out and roar like an animal as he’d charge at her

You’d watch the epic boss battle and keep encouraging him until all of your blood would flow down to your head and make you feel unwell

Airachnid: hurry up, boyfriend~ You chose a very delicate being for your lover~ She will die if you don’t get her down in time~

Breakdown: YOU TALK TOO MUCH!

She tried distracting him more but instead she only made his anger grow. His helm boiled as he kept mercilessly hammering her

The moment he knocked her out and yeeted her somewhere, he rushed to get you down. He panicked a little but managed to rescue you on time

Breakdown: you’re the best life coach even when you’re dying~

He had to pull a cheesy joke

💜

DREADWING

She’d pull the same trick on him like on Breakdown

She’d use you as his biggest weakness - fear of losing his closest ones just like he lost his brother…

Both of you would have your limbs tied as she’d make you face each other

Airachnid: now that we have the whole scene set~

Dreadwing: Airachnid, do not be a fool. You are playing with fire. Release her this instant!

Airachnid: or what!?

She’d say as she’d give you a big, deep scratch across the back and make you yelp

Dreadwing: NO!

Airachnid: watch her suffer.

In a blink of an eye she’d stab your torso by the side with one of her eight unsettlingly long legs and make you bleed badly

Dreadwing would scream as he’d desperately try to free himself. Filled with fury, he’d manage to rip the sticky substance that was tied around his wrists

Dreadwing: YOU WILL NOT TAKE THE ONLY THING THAT I CARE FOR IN MY LIFE!

He’d jump her and obliterate her, making her run away with deadly wounds

As he’d kneel next to your wounded body, he’d free you and gently pick you up and request an immediate ground bridge.

He’d watch your fragile, almost lifeless body curling in his servos…

Dreadwing: do not fear, my love. I shall take care of you. You will not leave this world. Not while I stand…

💜

SOUNDWAVE

She thought she could just snatch you from the lab while you were alone and get rid of you that easily

She forgot Soundwave, that has developed strong feelings for you, is the eyes and ears of the ship

He’d cut her off in one of the hallways and have a stare down

You’d scream for help

Airachnid: silence! And stand down, Soundwave. Her playtime with big robots has officially come to an end.

He’d launch his tentacles at her and try to zap her which she’d avoid while running towards him

He would maneuver wisely and swiftly while trying to snatch you from her servos

You’d get slightly injured due to their “doll snatching” game

The moment he’d managed to get his servos on you, he’d create a ground bridge right underneath her

As she was about to fall into it, he’d grab one of her creepy legs and speak:

Soundwave: Soundwave superior. Airachnid inferior.

Before he’d let her fall into the portal and teleport somewhere, precisely above the ocean

Y/N: you… you can speak?

To which he’d just look at you and put his index finger across the lower part of his face plate, gesturing this shall stay a secret

💜

SHOCKWAVE

Shockwave: I find your behavior… illogical.

He’d say in his usual monotone voice, trying to calm the situation down as he’d catch her wanting to preform torturing experiments on you in the lab

Airachnid: don’t be naive, Shockwave~ You and I both know she’s nothing but an infestation on this ship!

Shockwave: that statement is illogical as well, Airachnid. She is my assistant.

Airachnid: oh curse your assistant!

Y/N: Shockwave! Please!

The moment he’d hear his secret lover plead, he’d charge his blaster at her

Shockwave: do not test me, Airachnid. You clearly are not aware of my abilities.

He’d say as he’d start slowly approaching the berth she held you captive on

Airachnid: oh no, dearest Shockwave. Clearly it is you who isn’t aware of our common enemies!

And there comes another epic boss fight. To your surprise it was quite short

Shockwave broke two of her spider legs with ease as he’d throw her around the lab

He did completely or mildly damage some of his equipment but at that point he couldn’t care less. All he cared about is your well being

Shockwave: take advantage of this situation and leave with dignity before I call reinforcements and inform Megatron of your disgraceful act.

Sometimes words can hurt more than actions. She hissed at him and crawled out of the lab

He released you and earned heartwarming gratitude from you

Shockwave: I have always found her way of perception… illogical.

Dividers belong to @kiwicidios , @firefly-graphics and @kimjiho1 💜

[kolyasupremanxy]

Please do a headcanon with: Fyodor,Dazai and chuuya you can add if you want too.

The scenario: You sneak out to a party that (RANDOM) said no to you going. And they follow you just to observe you. They suddenly they make there presences known to you. They drag you back home (you can decide what they do next)

Please and thank you!

Please do a headcanon with: Fyodor,Dazai and chuuya you can add if you want too.

The scenario: You sneak out to a party that (RANDOM) said no to you going. And they follow you just to observe you. They suddenly they make there presences known to you. They drag you back home (you can decide what they do next)

Please and thank you!

𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐦

𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 + 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐨 :

𝐅𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 : 𝐅𝐲𝐨𝐝𝐨𝐫 𝐃𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐞𝐯𝐬𝐤𝐲, 𝐃𝐚𝐳𝐚𝐢 𝐎𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐮, 𝐍𝐚𝐤𝐚𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚 𝐂𝐡𝐮𝐮𝐲𝐚, 𝐄𝐝𝐨𝐠𝐚𝐰𝐚 𝐑𝐚𝐧𝐩𝐨, 𝐍𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐢 𝐆𝐨𝐠𝐨𝐥

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fluff (?) , lime/lemon(?)

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 : Some are nsfw(?) , Mentions of sex and sexual stuff.

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 3.1k

𝐀/𝐧: Sorry for the wait, Idek what is this lol. (Consent is hot guys)

—𝐅𝐲𝐨𝐝𝐨𝐫 𝐃𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐞𝐯𝐬𝐤𝐲

Fyodor would be very disappointed that you went to the party against his wishes, especially since he warned you about the dangers of such events.

He would feel the need to follow you and make sure you are safe, even if it means going against his own principles.

When he finally catches up with you, he would maintain his calm demeanor and sternly remind you of the risks you took by going to the party.

Fyodor would not hesitate to punish you, but he would do so in a way that is both creative and flustering.

He might ask you to do something embarrassing in front of him, like striping or sucking him off while his hand on your head, pushing it deeper so you'll choke on his cock.

Fyodor would use this opportunity to assert his dominance over you, reminding you that he is in charge and you should obey his rules.

Despite his stern approach, he would also show some concern for your safety and well-being, making sure that you did not get into any serious trouble at the party.

Fyodor might also use this as an opportunity to teach you a lesson about the dangers of disobeying authority figures and taking unnecessary risks.

He would make it clear that he has your best interests at heart and that he only wants to protect you.

Ultimately, Fyodor's punishment would be designed to make you realize the seriousness of your actions and encourage you to be more responsible in the future.

𝐒𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐨 :

You feel a sudden chill run down your spine as you turn around to find Fyodor standing there, his expression cold and calculating. "What are you doing here?" you ask nervously, knowing full well that he had expressly forbidden you from attending the party.

"I came to observe," he says simply, his eyes piercing into yours. "And it seems that my instincts were correct. You were being reckless and putting yourself in danger."

He grabs your arm firmly, leading you towards his car. "Get in," he orders, his voice leaving no room for argument.

As you drive back home, the atmosphere in the car is tense and silent. You can feel Fyodor's eyes on you, studying your every move. When you finally arrive back at your place, he pulls you inside and shuts the door firmly behind you.

"I'm not angry," he says calmly, but there's a hint of warning in his voice. "But I can't let this kind of behavior go unpunished."

You try to argue, but he cuts you off. "Silence," he says sternly. "You will accept your punishment like the mature adult you claim to be."

Fyodor leads you to the bedroom, his eyes locked on yours as he begins to undress you slowly, making you feel both nervous and aroused at the same time. "You will learn to obey me," he says softly, his lips hovering close to your ear.

—𝐃𝐚𝐳𝐚𝐢 𝐎𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐮

Dazai would initially act calm and collected when he discovers you at the party, but inside he would be fuming that you went against his wishes.

He would make his presence known to you in a teasing manner, perhaps making a joke or sarcastic comment about your behavior.

Dazai would likely try to distract you from your mistake by flirting and making suggestive comments, but when he takes you home, he will be serious.

He will scold you for going against his wishes and potentially putting yourself in danger by going to the party.Despite his serious tone, Dazai won't be too angry and will likely use this as an opportunity to tease and fluster you.

Dazai may punish you by giving you a task to complete, such as cleaning or cooking, or he may make a suggestive comment about something he wants you to do in the bedroom later.

He will make sure to remind you of his rules in the future, but he won't hold a grudge.

Dazai may use this opportunity to explore new ways to spice up your sex life and make sure that you won't sneak out again.

He'll likely make a joke about the situation later on, but will be secretly happy that he could protect you.

Despite his teasing and flirty nature, Dazai genuinely cares about your safety and well-being, and will do whatever it takes to make sure you're okay.

𝐒𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐨 :

As you walked out of the party, you suddenly heard a voice behind you. "Going somewhere, my dear?" You turned around and saw Dazai, leaning against a wall with a playful smirk on his face.

You froze, knowing that you were caught. "Dazai, I can explain," you stammered, but he just chuckled and took your hand, leading you away from the party.

"I know exactly what you were up to," he said, still grinning. "But I'm not mad. I just want to make sure you're safe." He walked with you in silence for a while, his hand still tightly holding yours.

When you arrived home, he led you to your room and sat you down on the bed. "Now, about that punishment," he said, his tone turning more serious. "I'm going to have to think of something good." He sat down beside you, looking deep into your eyes.

You could feel your cheeks starting to flush as you wondered what he had in mind. "Dazai, please don't be too hard on me," you pleaded.

He laughed. "Don't worry, my dear. I'll make sure it's something you'll enjoy." He leaned in, his lips brushing against your ear. "And who knows, maybe we'll have a little fun while we're at it."

—𝐍𝐚𝐤𝐚𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚 𝐂𝐡𝐮𝐮𝐲𝐚

Chuuya would be furious if he found out you snuck out to a party he explicitly told you not to go to. He values honesty and respect in a relationship, and he would feel betrayed that you disobeyed him.

As soon as he confronts you, he would immediately notice the guilt on your face and demand an explanation. He has a short fuse, so he would probably raise his voice and scold you for your disobedience.

After you explain the situation, he would calm down a bit and try to reason with you. He would remind you why he didn't want you to go to the party in the first place and express his concerns for your safety.

However, he wouldn't let you off the hook easily. He would give you some sort of punishment, perhaps grounding you or taking away a privilege you enjoy.

To make you truly flustered, he would likely resort to something sexual as a punishment. Chuuya is very confident and unafraid to take charge in intimate situations, so he would use this to his advantage.

He might tease you a bit, perhaps making suggestive comments or using his smooth talking skills to make you blush.

Despite his dominant personality, he still respects women and would never do anything without your consent. He would make sure you are comfortable with whatever he has in mind before proceeding.

Once you are both in bed, he would take control and make sure you are satisfied. He would likely use his extensive knowledge of the female body to please you in every way possible.

Afterward, he would hold you close and comfort you, reminding you once again why he only wants what's best for you. Despite his tough exterior, he does care deeply for the people he loves.

Overall, Chuuya's reaction would be a mix of anger, disappointment, and lust. He might be strict, but he ultimately wants what's best for you and will go to great lengths to protect you.

𝐒𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐨 :

As you sneak out to the party against Chuuya's wishes, you can't help but feel a sense of excitement and anticipation. However, your excitement quickly fades as you feel someone grab your arm and pull you back. You turn around to see Chuuya standing there, a look of irritation on his face.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asks in a stern voice.

You stammer out an excuse, but he doesn't seem to believe it. "I told you not to go to this party," he says, his voice rising in anger. "Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there? You could have gotten hurt or worse."

Feeling guilty, you hang your head as he continues to scold you. However, his tone starts to soften as he realizes you're not in any immediate danger. "Look, I'm not mad at you," he says, sighing heavily. "But I can't let you just do whatever you want. You need to learn to listen to me."

As he takes you back home, the atmosphere is tense and awkward. You can feel his anger simmering just below the surface, but he's trying to keep it in check. "I'm going to have to punish you," he says finally, his voice low and serious.

Your heart races as he mentions the punishment, but you're also secretly intrigued. What could he have in mind?

Later that night, he takes you to his bedroom and shuts the door behind him. "I'm not going to hurt you," he says, sensing your nervousness. "But I need to teach you a lesson."

He then proceeds to give you a punishment that involves some intimate actions, making you feel flustered and embarrassed. However, as the punishment continues, you also start to feel a sense of pleasure and excitement.

Afterwards, you lay in bed with him, feeling a mix of emotions. You're both silent for a while before Chuuya finally speaks up. "I hope you've learned your lesson," he says softly, his hand running through your hair. "Or else I'll have to punish you again."

—𝐄𝐝𝐨𝐠𝐚𝐰𝐚 𝐑𝐚𝐧𝐩𝐨

Ranpo would be very upset if he found out that you snuck out to a party that he said no to. He would immediately track you down and confront you.

When he does find you, he would express his disappointment in you, but would also make it clear that he's not angry with you. He would also let you know that you'll be facing consequences for your actions.

Despite his serious tone, Ranpo would still be his usual carefree self. He might even joke around with you a bit, trying to lighten the mood.

As he takes you back home, Ranpo would ask you questions about the party and who was there. He would want to know everything, from what people were wearing to what they were talking about.

Once you're back home, Ranpo would scold you some more, but he would also be very affectionate. He would hold your hand or wrap his arms around you, telling you how much he cares about you.

Ranpo would come up with a punishment that would make you flustered, but he wouldn't go overboard. He might suggest that you spend the night in his bed, or that you have to do something embarrassing like wear an inappropriate outfit.

Throughout the punishment, Ranpo would be very playful and tease you relentlessly. He would find your discomfort amusing and would do everything he can to make you flustered.

Despite his childish behavior, Ranpo would also be very caring. He would make sure that you're comfortable and happy, even while you're being punished.

Ranpo would use this opportunity to spend more time with you, taking advantage of the fact that you can't leave his side. He might suggest watching a movie together or playing games.

In the end, Ranpo would forgive you completely, but he would also make it clear that he doesn't want you to sneak out again. He would tell you that he worries about you and that he wants to keep you safe

𝐒𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐨 :

You had thought that you had snuck out successfully, but as you make your way to the party, you can't shake off the feeling that someone is watching you. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Ranpo appears beside you, with his arms crossed and a disapproving look on his face. You feel nervous and guilty at the same time, knowing that you disobeyed his wishes.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asks you, his tone stern.

You try to come up with an excuse, but you know it's pointless. "I just wanted to have some fun," you mumble, avoiding his gaze.

"You could have had fun at home with me," he whines, acting like a child who had been denied his favorite toy. "Now we have to go back home and you'll have to face the consequences."

He drags you back home, all the while lecturing you on how dangerous it was for you to go to the party alone. You can tell that he's not mad, but he's definitely disappointed in you. Once you're back home, he sits you down on the bed and starts to talk to you about why he didn't want you to go to the party. You can see the concern in his eyes, and you feel a little guilty for making him worry.

But suddenly, his tone changes, and he starts to talk about how he's going to punish you for disobeying him. He suggests a punishment that involves the bed, and although he doesn't go into detail, you can tell that it's something that will make you flustered. You can feel your cheeks heat up, and you start to squirm under his gaze.

As he moves closer to you, you can feel the atmosphere change, and you start to feel nervous and excited at the same time. "Are you sure about this?" you ask him, unsure if you want to go through with the punishment.

But he just smirks at you, his eyes glinting with mischief. "Trust me," he says, his tone playful. "You're going to enjoy this."

You can't help but feel a little scared and excited at the same time as he pulls you closer to him, and you can tell that Ranpo is looking forward to this just as much as you are.

—𝐍𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐢 𝐆𝐨𝐠𝐨𝐥

Nikolai would be initially shocked to find out that you sneaked out to a party that he had forbidden. He would probably confront you with a rhetorical question such as "My dove, why would you disobey me so?"

He would then take a moment to appreciate your beauty, as he loves to do with everything that catches his eye. "You look stunning tonight, my dear. However, it is still unacceptable that you went against my wishes."

Nikolai would then make it clear that there will be consequences for your actions, but he would not be too harsh on you. "I won't be too angry with you, but you need to be punished for your disobedience."

He would then take you by the hand and lead you back home, but he would not be serious for long. "Come, my dear, let's go home. I have a feeling that I can come up with a punishment that will make you a mess."

On the way back, he would make sure to keep up a playful and light atmosphere, making jokes and pointing out random things. "Look, there's a bird. You know how much I love birds, my dear."

Once you reach home, he would lead you to the bedroom and start planning your punishment, always with a grin on his face. "Now, let me think... something that will teach you a lesson but also make you feel good."

He might suggest something like a pillow fight or a tickle fight, as he loves to be silly and playful. "How about we have a pillow fight, my dear? A tickle fight? Or something else? I promise I won't be too rough on you."

However, he might also suggest something more sensual, such as a massage or some light(heavy) bondage play, as he's not afraid to explore. "Or we could try something more... intimate. What do you say, my dove?"

Whatever he decides, he would make sure to keep the mood light and playful, always reminding you that he loves you and that he's not really mad at you. "You know I can't stay mad at you for too long, my dear. You're too lovely to resist."

After the punishment is over, he would cuddle with you and whisper sweet nothings in your ear, always making sure to show you how much he cares for you. "I hope you learned your lesson, my dear. But don't worry, I still love you just as much as before."

𝐒𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐨 :

You had been looking forward to this party for weeks, but when Nikolai Gogol found out you were planning on going, he forbade it. He was concerned about your safety and didn't trust the people you were going to be with. But you were determined to have fun, so you snuck out while he was preoccupied with something else.

The party was in full swing when you arrived, and you immediately started dancing and mingling with the other guests. But in the back of your mind, you couldn't shake the feeling that you were being watched. You tried to push it aside and just enjoy yourself, but the feeling persisted.

Suddenly, you felt a hand on your shoulder, and you turned around to see Nikolai standing behind you. "Well, well, well, what do we have here?" he said, his voice dripping with theatrics. "Did you really think you could sneak out without me noticing?"

You tried to stammer out an excuse, but he cut you off. "No need to explain, my dear. You know you're not supposed to be here." He grabbed your hand and started pulling you towards the exit. "Let's go home."

Once you were back at your apartment, Nikolai sat you down on the couch and started scolding you. "You could have gotten hurt, or worse. Do you understand how dangerous it is to go to these kinds of events?" His voice was stern, but there was a hint of concern in it as well.

"But I'm not mad," he continued. "I know you just wanted to have some fun. So I'm going to punish you, but it's going to be a punishment that you'll enjoy." He leaned in close to you, and you felt your face flush with heat.

"I think it's time for bed," he said with a wink, and you knew exactly what he meant. As he led you towards the bedroom, you couldn't help but feel both nervous and excited. You knew that Nikolai could be unpredictable, but you also trusted him completely.

As he started to undress you, he whispered in your ear. "Don't ever sneak out again, my little bird. You belong with me, where I can keep you safe." Despite his stern words, there was an unmistakable tenderness in his tone, and you knew that you were in good hands.

Do Not Copy or Plagiarize Any of My Works. Reblogs Are Very Appreciated.

[tragedybunny]

Absolution

༺Summary༻

Astarion and Serafina have an argument and Astarion does what he thinks is necessary to keep her with him. Set before his Act 2 confession.

༺Pairing༻ Astarion x Serafina (Female Tav/OC)

༺Warnings༻ PiV sex, oral sex, all occurring while Astarion disassociates.

༺Word Count༻ 2441

༺A/N༻ Although most of my reader fics are based my Tav, Serafina, and my experience playing the game as her, this is the first fic I've written featuring her as a named character. And it's my first BG3 fic in 3rd person. I hope you all enjoy it. Thanks to @satanicspinosaurus for the wonderful beta.

The scene from earlier plays over and over in his mind. 

“You don't know anything about me, Astarion! So just leave it be.” Sera, sweet, kind, gentle, patient Serafina, had yelled at him. Not once since they'd met on that beach had their erstwhile leader even raised her voice slightly at him. And today she shouted at him. All because she couldn't read Elvish and he'd reacted with the same humor she’d claimed to enjoy. Turning it on him as though he’d been the one in the wrong. 

They'd been seated around the fire while Wyll took his turn “cooking”, going through some papers and books they'd found in the wake of a goblin attack. They were looking for any clues into the cult's movements or plans. Sera had plucked a small, neatly bound journal from the pile and turned it over in her hands. It was a thing clearly well-made and cared for. She'd opened it gently, respectful of the fine binding holding it all together. 

Her brilliant blue eyes had scanned a few pages before she gave out a frustrated sigh. “Elvish,” she muttered, snapping it shut violently and thrusting it at Astarion. “You'll probably have better luck with that.”

He wasn't sure why he did it. The half-elf’s reaction was disproportionate to simply encountering a foreign language, that was obvious. Maybe it was because he’d become too used to teasing her since they’d started their “relationship.” Their easy back and forth banter giving him the foreign feeling of acceptance. 

 Or maybe it was his own way of trying to deny those irritatingly tender feelings that had started to creep in whenever he caught her glancing his way or their hands touched, or she laughed at one of his jokes. The need to push back against them, sharpening his tongue and drawing out ancient bias. 

Whatever caused it, he should’ve thought before opening his mouth. “Can’t read Espruar? Someone got forgotten by one parent. Is that why you threw a tantrum and ran-”

“Shut up!” Sera leapt up from the log she’d been seated on and glared at him. “You don’t know anything about me, Astarion! So just leave it be.” 

With that, she’d stormed off and left him silently stunned, as though awaiting a reprisal that didn’t come. Around him, their companions pretended to look away and he caught a few whispers on the air. “What are you all looking at? It’s not my fault she suddenly can’t take a joke.” He’d sulked off to his own tent, waiting until her tantrum had passed and everyone forgot his misstep. He’d assumed Sera would cool down and come out for dinner, but instead she’d remained stubbornly locked away. Karlach had brought her a bowl of what they were generously calling stew. 

Everyone had eaten and retired for the evening and she was still pouting. Which brought him to now, slinking his way across camp toward her tent. He had to do something, he couldn't watch his hard won protection slip away. It absolutely had nothing to do with the fact that Sera gave him a little kiss and wished him goodnight every other night lately and it had been noticeably withheld tonight. 

The way the moonlight filtered through the trees, one solid beam pointing down on her tent, a poet might say that Selune was guiding him. Poets were idiots. Parting the flap just the smallest amount, he starts to slip inside, intent on waking her to settle things if he needed to, when a sound stopped him. A strangled cry, was it directed at him? He froze, half inside, the errant moonbeam that slipped around him haloing her with soft illumination. 

Another wordless cry. Only a nightmare, nothing to be concerned with. Stepping in, he lets the tent shut, plunging them both back into darkness. With a predator’s stealth, he approaches her bedroll, kneeling down, eyes subconsciously glancing at the healing puncture wounds on her neck. 

“Let me out.” Her sudden words startle him. 

Stumbling backwards, he nearly loses his balance to go sprawling across the floor. His skin suddenly heated, as though the breath that carried those words could burn him. 

Another sob comes as she thrashes around a bit. “Please, I won't run,” unintelligible sounds follow the small plea. “Let me out.” 

Locked up. She'd been locked up too. Regaining himself, he crept toward her again, as she shook and cried. Someone had hurt her. But who would want to do that?

She was Sera, unfailingly kind; who aided refugees, saved children, fought monsters, and foolishly fed manipulative vampires.  

The sobbing becomes frantic and without thinking he reaches out to gently grasp her shoulder. “Sera,” she struggles against his touch with a whimper. Growling in frustration, he shakes her a little more roughly. “Serafina!” 

Eyes snap open to behold him with wide pupils as her chest heaves. “A-Astarion?” Sitting quickly, she pulls away from him, and he feels a sudden sting in his chest. “What are you doing here?” She hisses, apparently still angry with him. 

“You were having a nightmare.” He replies, trying to soften his voice, to be the lover she had come to expect. 

“Hmm,” her eyes focus across the tent to an empty lantern, “fiat lux.” Small little motes of light appear in the lantern, swirling gently in their prison, as Sera draws her knees up to her chest. “Well, I'm awake now, you can go.”

The forlorn gaze and empty voice were nothing like the Serafina he'd come to know and the unsettled sensation in the back of his mind grows. He cleares his throat, trying to get the words moving. “I didn’t come just to wake you up, I wanted to…apologize. For earlier. I’m sorry, the joke was in poor taste.” 

Turning her head, she glances his way from where it rested on her knees. She looks so small like this, so far from the fierce woman who’d led them from the moment of the crash. “Apology accepted, I probably took it too personally.” 

It didn’t quite ring true, but he plows on anyway, hoping maybe those blue eyes would light back up for him. “The truth is, I’m actually a bit rusty with Espruar myself. But maybe I could teach you and it would be good practice for me.” He affects the warmest smile he could, sure the gesture would win her over.

Instead, she shrugs. “Don’t worry about it. It doesn’t actually matter all that much. Thanks for the thought though. You can go, I’m not still mad at you. I’ll see you in the morning.”

That was not his Serafina. He has to do something, to fix this. To keep her on his side. Reaching out, he wraps his arms around her and pulls her into his lap, lips closing over hers. “What’s this about?” She huffs as her skin began to flush a pretty pink. 

“Pleading my apology some more,” his voice drops to the low sultry tone that made her pulse jump in a way he could hear. 

“I said you were forgiven.” Despite her protest, her arms encircle his neck, pulling him closer. 

“Your words said that, but your eyes spoke differently.” His lips trace a line of kisses from her lips to the lobe of her ear, making her sigh. 

This was what he could do for her, what he did best. It was a skill honed by two hundred years of unwilling practice, and like so many before, a skill she was willing to make use of. At least it was easy enough with Sera, she was sweet and gentle, and he knew she'd never harm him. And it wasn't as though a part of him didn't want her, she was a pretty little thing. That part was just bound up with all the other parts that hated what his body had been used for. If he had to open his pants for anyone, he supposes he was glad it was her. 

“I meant it, but- gods Astarion!” He runs his tongue along the point of her ear, less sensitive than his, but still enough to start driving her mad. 

“In that case, we'll call it making up for my behavior earlier.” Guiding her to face him, legs straddling his, her warm core settles against his hips. He kisses his way back down to her throat, already feeling his mind growing distant from his actions. 

Lips linger near the marks on her neck, and she squirms in his lap. “Do you want to?” 

He could never say no to that offer. Without hesitation, his fangs sink into her flesh, and succulent liquid pours into his throat. It adds to what little pleasure he’s able to wring from what he was about to do. Sera whimpers and writhes in his lap, grinding down on his growing erection. She hadn’t started out allowing him to feed on her as some form of pleasure, but she had given him her neck as often as the rest of her body, and the two had become inextricably tied together. 

Just a sip for tonight, after everything that had happened, he couldn’t ask too much. Too soon he pulls his fangs away to lap at the remainders and kiss the wounds. Blood and a distant mind, this was good as it would be for him. “Let's get this out of the way.” Fingers grip the hem of her shirt and guide it over her head. 

She shivers as the night air caresses her skin and leans into him. It was almost enough to make him laugh, there was nothing about him that could provide any warmth. Instead he continues kissing his way down her chest, nipping lightly until her back arches into him and she makes a needy noise. 

“Patience,” he chides her, releasing his grip on her to remove his own shirt. 

Hands encircle her waist in an iron grip, holding her firmly in place while tongue and teeth tease her rosebud nipples. Fingers trace his back as she pants, trying to contain all the noises that could wake the camp. Her nails ghost along his flesh, and he senses she longs to dig them in.. She hadn’t even attempted to ask about it. Why did she afford him such gentleness, was she wary that it would be too much on his scarred flesh?

Lips leave off her hardened peaks to capture hers again, and she grinds against him even harder. No doubt her small clothes were soaked. “You drive me mad,” she whispers, lost in desire. 

Just as he’d wanted, Serafina, hurt feelings and nightmares forgotten. “You enjoy it.” He captured her lip between his teeth for a second and nibbles. “Stand up, take your pants off for me.” He awaits her on his knees, as a penitent seeking their absolution. 

She’s so occupied, she doesn’t notice as his gaze finds the dancing lights in the lantern, and watches them swirl aimlessly until she’s naked before him. Gripping her thighs, he pulls her in, holding them apart so his tongue can swipe along her sex, as soaked as he predicted. Sera’s not a bard, but she sings for him anyway. Fingers grip into his curls, not too tightly. Sometimes he wishes she wouldn’t be so damn gentle, that she'd be like everyone else, someone easy to use, instead of, whatever all this was. 

“Astarion,” she keens as he slips two fingers inside her, tongue running over her clit. 

He laps and suckles at it almost as fiercely as he does the wounds he leaves in her neck. The fingers inside her find the spot that causes her knees to buckle and another cry to leave her. She’s close, just a little more, and he could leave it for the night.  

“I want you inside me.” He stiffens, inhaling deeply. 

“Do you now, my sweet?” He nips her thigh playfully with his fangs while his stomach drops. “Then come down here.” 

As soon she hits her knees, he's positioning her on all fours, he can’t look her in the eyes right now. He tears his pants open, eyes finding the lights again, concentrating on them as he pushes inside her. She’s warm and wet as she pushes back against him, eager to have all of him. Because she chooses him. No matter how many of his rough edges and dark corners she finds, she wants him. Would she still want him if she saw it all?

Forget it, he tells himself, pushing that thought away. He clears his mind until there’s only the moment, the sensation left, hips slapping against hers, the way her body clenches around his cock, how she eagerly sucks the fingers he puts in her mouth so she has something to absorb the moans. 

It’s almost enough to completely lose himself, his cock twitches. It’s spectacular, the way she meets every thrust and takes everything he has to give. “Touch yourself,” he urges, eager for her to come undone. 

Her own fingers slide between her folds, working feverishly. It’s not long before the noises muffled by his fingers become frantic and she tightens around him. 

“That’s it, my darling, let go.” With another deep thrust, he allows himself a release. “Sera,” he gasps, knowing it will please her to hear her name on his lips. 

They collapse next to one another on the bedroll, Sera quick to snuggle up in his arms. It takes longer than it should to embrace her, his body wanting to run. “Is everything alright?” She asks, innocently, from where she lays, head on his chest. Maybe there are merciful gods, she can’t see his face. 

“Of course, love. I think I may have worn myself out after all the walking today.” Softly, he kisses her head, he can’t let her suspect. 

“Well don’t complain tomorrow, Lae’zel will blame me for sure. I don’t think I was very discreet.” She laughs, sounding like sleep is already returning to her. 

“But you are to blame. If you weren’t so irresistible.” He tries to laugh as well. This stupid, sweet girl, why does she lay in a monster’s arms and giggle? 

With a yawn, she gives him an out. “You should probably go, I’m going to fall asleep soon and don’t want to trap you here.” 

One more kiss, even as his mind insists on fleeing. “Goodnight my love, rest well, and I’m sorry again.”

“For what?”

“For earlier.” For everything. 

Tag list:

@micropoe10  @writingmysanity @mxxny-lupin @azu21

 @tallymonster  @dependsonthedream @sunfire-ancunin

@bambamwolf87 @fayeriess @lumienyx @lisrelly

@elora-the-slutty-songstress @bhaalbaaby @spacebarbarianweird

@darlingxdragon @wanderingisobel @astarionsbeloved

@vixstarria @claryvoyantfray @volotramp @misscrissfemmefatale @bg3obsessedsideblog @captainaceofspades @wickedwitchofthewilds @asterordinary

[aqualesha]

The Balladeer's Regret - Scaramouche x GN! Reader

character : Scaramouche

prompts : 19. “i can’t do this anymore” & 24. “just leave me alone”

summary : loving Scaramouche is hard, and you were aware of it. yet you never stopped loving him. his harsh words may sting, but you know deep down that he was a gentle soul and he never meant those things he said. you fell in love with Kunikuzushi, so gentle and fragile. if only he had noticed earlier how badly he had hurt you. he wanted to turn back time. but he knew that he couldn’t. he had lost everything because of his own foolishness.

- spoilers for Sumeru Archon Quest Act 2 & 3, pure angst/no-comfort, cursing, arguments, scara spitting harsh words, scara’s real name spoiler, scara’s past, not proofread

- word count : 1.8k

~ my entry for @versadies angstober writing collab - farewell, love

“Don’t leave me…”

“Please stay…”

“I didn’t mean all those things…"

These were the words that have been echoing inside his mind now. His mind was begging for him to drop his ego and call out to you, to stop you. He didn’t want you to leave him like the others. Not when he didn’t have anyone else but you.

How ironic of him, to feel distraught when you turned on your heels to walk out the door of your shared home. He recalled the poisonous words that spilled from his mouth, that were directed towards you. The look of hurt in your eyes and the way your expression faltered when he pushed you away and raised his tone at you. He didn’t mean anything that he said.

He swore that he could feel his non-existent heart shattering at the sight of your glistening tears cascading down your cheeks and your hushed whisper of “I’m sorry..” while you backed away from him. He could never forget how your voice trembled when you uttered the words that had Scaramouche breaking down right after.

“I still love you.”

He had taken your kindness for granted. You had always been with him even before he was known as Scaramouche. You had been with him since he was nothing but a broken puppet, Kunikuzushi. You accompanied him and lent your shoulder for him to cry on when you found him cornered by the darkness of Shakkei Pavilion. You saved him from his greatest suffering, which was loneliness and betrayal.

But the greatest pain was being betrayed by his own creator, his mother. The mother who was supposed to take care of her child with care. He never got to feel a mother’s love, for his mother replaced him with another puppet after taking notice that Kunikuzushi was too weak. He cried in his dreams, which showed his vulnerability and his fragility. A puppet that has emotions simply couldn’t be called a puppet, now can it?

Kunikuzushi had always been a gentle being, far from what his creator was expecting for a divine being, a god’s replacement. Yet, he couldn’t do anything as he was created with these human emotions. He swore to lock away all remaining emotions he had in himself so that he could grow stronger. He wanted to show his creator that he is not weak.

That was until he met you. Your existence in his life changed his objective and purpose. Even so, he still desired to claim the godhood he should’ve obtained if not for his stupid emotions getting in the way hundreds of years ago.

You had always loved him, no matter the circumstances. But you couldn’t fully agree with him when he decided to seek help from Il Dottore to achieve godhood. You knew how crazy it sounded and how far Dottore could go to achieve anything he desired. He was the 2nd Harbinger for Archon’s sake.

You weren’t against the idea of Scaramouche reaching divinity, but you were worried about his safety too. But you knew better than to interrupt their plans. You could get your head blown if you try to mess with Dottore, even when you two were quite well acquainted a few years ago when you were still in the Fatui. But that was long ago.

Ever since you both started living in Sumeru, you rarely ever see Scaramouche coming home. He’d either stay in his office or not come home at all for a few days. It was starting to make you worry. A puppet doesn’t need sleep, but he wasn’t completely a synthetic puppet. You had the right to make sure that he’d taken care of himself too.

The clock in your shared bedroom was ticking ever-so-slowly, making you sigh for the umpteenth time. “This can’t keep going on..” That was when you decided to have a talk with him once he really comes back.

You didn’t know how it turned out like this. It was supposed to be a simple talk regarding his absence and his goal to achieve divinity. That’s all. How naive of you to think that he’d apologize just like he always did. You really thought that you could simply convince him when you were talking about the only goal he tried so hard to achieve?

He was starting to think that you were doubting him and his capabilities. He was created to become a god, so why were you against it now? Didn’t you promise him to always be with him until he has fulfilled his goal to become a god? Are you betraying his trust now? How pathetic.

He was losing his temper. He knew that he couldn’t control his anger that well. The way you worded it made him realize that all humans are the same. They can’t be trusted. “Kuni, I’m just saying that what you’re planning with Dottore is quite.. dangerous.” Dangerous, you say? He was a divine being, created with the power that equals those of gods. Don’t you dare spit out those stupid nonsense in front of him.

“Are you underestimating me and my capabilities? Come on, you knew better than that.” The way he glared at you made you feel small under his gaze. It made you feel terrified of the sudden change in his aura. It has become unsettling and dark. You fucked up and there was nowhere you could hide.

"It wasn’t that.. But- You’re going to hurt the people in Sumeru.. Besides, this nation already has its own god, so why bother taking her place?“ You were careful with your words, trying to not worsen the situation you’re in. The atmosphere was getting tenser each passing time that you could barely breathe through your lungs.

“That small kid? She couldn’t even do anything. She’s weak and useless at this point. I’m just doing a favor for her people. I can be a better deity than her.” His tone was no longer the gentle tone that Kunikuzushi always used. It was Balladeer taking over the conversation. His voice was full of venom, and he stared at you with a look that feared you.

A look of disapproval was written on his face. He must’ve hated you now. How stupid you were, to bring up about his purpose of life when he trusted you to always be with him.

It had to be said even though it was going to hurt both you and him. You really didn’t want him to get hurt. It was the least you could do. “How do you know that Lesser Lord Kusanali wasn’t able to look after her people? As far as I know, she’s the gentlest and the kindest Archon.. Please have faith in her. You don’t have to do all this just because of your goal to achieve godhood. Ei had acknowledged your strength so please…”

You almost ran out of breath after holding it in for far too long. You shifted your gaze towards Scaramouche and you were stunned. He was taking quick steps towards you before holding you by the hair. Disappointment and hatred could be seen in his eyes as he made you face him directly.

"What is it that’s so fucking hard for you to understand. I was born as a divine being and this is how I’d get what I deserved. Your opinions don’t matter to me. You’re just a weak mortal who just happened to have some pity for me, hmm? You never cared, didn’t you? I should’ve known better than to trust a mortal.“ He looked at you with pure loathe. You couldn’t bear to see him looking at you as if you’ve been nothing but a burden and a hindrance.

You ignored the aching sensation on your scalp as he was still holding a fistful of your hair in his hand. The sharp pain in your heart hurt more than anything you’ve ever felt. You tried to grab him by the shoulder to make him halt his movements. It hurts so much… “Don’t touch me…” He let go of your hair and took a step away. You dropped onto your knees, hissing from the searing pain as you held your scalp with your hand. It took a lot of strength in you to hold the tears in. This truly wasn’t what you had expected.

You called out his name in a small voice. “Scara-” “Don’t you dare say anything else!” You still continued even though it was clear that he didn’t want to hear anything from you. “I can’t do this anymore..” You uttered while leaning against the wall to steady yourself. He then laughed mockingly at you, showing that he had expected this from the start.

"Are you now? Have you finally realized that you were simply useless? Look at you, pathetically crying over small insults. Humans are weak, they are too vulnerable and worthless compared to a divine being. You were just a pawn in my plan, after all. You meant nothing to me. Your pathetic emotions will only distract me from achieving my goal.“ He was too harsh, but he could care less. These stupid emotions will only drag him down.

“Oh and one more thing,” He continued while taking a few steps toward where you were weakly standing on your feet. His eyes settled on you as he gave you a deadly glare that almost had you shedding more tears. “Just leave me the fuck alone, and never show yourself in front of me again, you traitor."

It dawned on him like crashing waves. He had lost you, the only person who stayed long enough and sacrificed their whole life to be with him. He knew he fucked up. But his ego was too big for him to chase after you and apologize, even though his mind was practically screaming at him.

He never knew warmth and love anymore. His artificial heart was beating frantically in his chest. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry… He could never take those harsh words back. You probably loathe him now.

He deserved it. He was the one who had wished for this. He wanted you to leave him alone, so you obliged by getting out of his life completely. He lashed out at you and put the blame on you. He broke your heart. Your gentle and fragile heart that he once swore to protect. Five words were all it took to completely lose everything. He had lost you, his other half. You, who had given him your heart to feel the warmth of love and care.

Now, he felt nothing but numbness and emptiness. You must’ve felt lonely too when he wasn’t home for a long time. The deafening silence in every corner of your home was driving him insane. The atmosphere in your shared room had never felt this cold. The mattress felt hard under his weight. The duvet felt uncomfortable. Something was wrong. No, everything felt wrong. It lacked warmth and love. Something that he could never gain again. All because of his foolishness.

He was foolish to have pushed you away for his own selfishness. He was even more foolish to even think that he deserved a happy ending despite all the horrible things he had done. Especially towards you.

[llyfrenfys]

"Rule Britannia is out of bounds" - How England invented Great Britain

("Rule Britannia is out of bounds"- Life on Mars, David Bowie, 1971)

As promised, here is a more in-depth exploration of Wales' relationship to indigeneity or colonised status. And how England created the (political) concept of Great Britain when it formally annexed Wales in 1542. This is a long post but I will try and be brief where possible to do so. I graduated with a degree in Celtic Studies last year from Aberystwyth University so it's time to put that to use.

In my last post, I went over the groundwork for this conversation - so if you haven't read that one yet I strongly suggest you read that one first then come back to this one. In that first post, I establish the stickiness in claiming or applying the status of colonised onto the modern nation and people of Wales. I also explore how claims of indigeneity (intended to legitimise Welsh nativism through dubious claims of descent from the Iron Age Britons) are weaponised in modern political contexts.

With all that said - how does one categorise the suffering of Wales/its culture and language without straying into the language of the colonised?

Early Medieval English Imperial desire for Wales:

Very often, you will hear people make the claim that Wales was 'England's first colony' and that the other nations bordering England were guinea pigs for Britain's later colonial empire. My previous writing on this topic has established the difficulty in applying colonised as a term to Wales and its context. Which leads to the question of what do we describe it as instead?

For this, we need to make a distinction between colonialism and imperialism.

The two concepts are very similar (and do overlap slightly) but they have crucial differences which allow us to be more precise and succinct with our wording which aids both communication of the subject and quells misunderstanding through language which doesn't fit the situation.

Put simply, Imperialism is when one country, people or nation desires to extend power over another (usually a close-by or neighbouring territory) - especially (but not solely) through the means of expansionism.

Colonialism is also when a country, people or nation wants to extend power over another - but primarily through invasion and typically (but not always) against territories that are further afield and not immediate neighbours).

A lot of the way in which we view early British history in Wales is tinged with a kind of exceptionalism for what happened between England and Wales. Very often, what was done is framed as uniquely terrible for the time and held up as a poster child for the unique evil of England's expansionist desires. Yet all over Europe at the same time this was happening - other European nations and peoples were engaging in the same subjugator-subjugatee relationship. The exceptionalism present in framing Wales as uniquely suffering in this period is, unfortunately, borne out of the same British imperial culture which was thrust upon it and has become irrevocably entwined with culturally. It is a kind of British arrogance (which ironically crops up in anti-British arguments in Welsh independence activism) which presupposes nobody could have suffered the same or worse than they have, which demands the active ignorance of other, contemporary examples of that which they claim to oppose.

Wales was the first victim of English (later British) Imperialism - not its first colonial victim.

The build-up to and annexation of Wales by England:

Wales was annexed twice - once before the age of states and once shortly before that age dawned. The concept of states (as in, sovereign countries) didn't really exist until after the Treaties of Westphalia (1648). In which the concept of non-interference in the religious affairs of other countries (and other domestic affairs) was established and international relations was born. This is relevant to Wales' situation - as what England did to Wales happened long before the age of states began.

There was the Conquest of Wales by Edward I between 1277 and 1283. (Before that, the Norman Conquest of Wales by 1081). (However, the latter being conducted by the Normans is not necessarily equatable to the actions of England the country, which itself had only just been invaded by the Normans). And then the Laws in Wales Acts which formally incorporated Wales into the realm of the Kingdom of England in 1542.

The Conquest of Wales by Edward I overran the territories of the last Prince of Wales (from the Welsh monarchic tradition), Llywelyn the Last and divided the territories into Welsh Principalities and Marcher Lordships. This setup remained until 1542, when Henry VIII passed the Laws in Wales Acts and formally annexed Wales and made it (in all the legal senses) a part of England.

By the time international relations was in its infancy (i.e. shortly after the Peace of Westphalia) Wales had been absorbed into England for just over 100 years. The relevancy of this is that Westphalia had been about religious liberty - Henry VIII's incorporation of Wales into the Kingdom of England was partly informed by religion. Henry VIII had just broken away from Rome and established the Protestant Church of England, whereas Wales was still largely Catholic. The Laws in Wales Acts also replaced the language of the courts in Wales with English, cutting off monolingual Welsh speakers from legal representation. The language of worship became English instead of Latin. Wales was culturally assimilated into England over a long period of time. And that meant ensuring Wales followed the 'correct' religion and spoke the 'correct' language. After the Peace of Westphalia, these actions by Henry VIII to bend Wales to his new religion and to assimilate Wales into England would have been in poor taste or decried in light of the new Westphalian system that was developing in Europe. Alas, these events took place before then and temporally speaking, Wales was locked out of this recourse.

By contrast, Scotland was unified with England into the Kingdom of Great Britain in 1707 (after the Peace of Westphalia). England committed numerous acts of cultural erosion and destruction against Wales and Scotland at this time - but its Union with Scotland differs to that with Wales. Wales was incorporated into England, whereas Scotland was 'invited' to join a union between England (which then included Wales) and itself. Simplifying it greatly - like a marriage proposal in which the two spouses are *supposed* to be equals. After the Act of Union with Scotland, the whole island of Great Britain was 'unified' and thus the Kingdom of Great Britain was formed from two states - England (inc. Wales) and Scotland into one state.

Welsh Nationalism and Nationhood as separate from Statehood:

Wales and Scotland were the victims of English imperialism in many similar, but also many different ways.

Wales, having never been a 'state' was unable to acquire this status since it had long been incorporated into England by the time the concept of states had developed. Wales was unlucky in this way, because other nations on this island such as Scotland had managed to establish themselves long enough to survive into the age of states and thus became one. Because of this, Welsh nationalism cannot look to an era in which it was a free state because that did not happen. Instead, Welsh nationalism very often looks back with rose-tinted spectacles to Wales prior to Edward I's conquest and/or prior to Henry VIII's Laws in Wales Acts.

But nationhood and statehood are not the same thing - and it is the conflation of these two concepts (like the conflation of colonialism and imperialism) which has led to much of the confusion on these topics. Nationhood is acquired by a group of people who share several of these things: a common language, history, culture and (usually) territory. Not all of these things are required, but most nations have all or almost all of these qualities. Wales has a language (Welsh), a common history, culture and territory (Wales). Statehood is acquired by an association of people who have most or all of these things: formal institutions of government, laws, permanent territorial boundaries and sovereignty. Wales before 1283 very loosely had government and laws (monarchy and Laws of Hywel Dda) but had no permanent territory due to the conquest and lost some sovereignty in 1283 and total sovereignty in 1542.

Even if Wales had met all the criteria for a state in 1283, it would not have been eligible to become one - no nation in the world was able to do that yet because the concept (or proto-concept) for it would only be invented in 1648. Even England did not qualify for state status yet. Put simply, Wales got very unlucky with history and geography in such a way which prevented it from having a historical statehood post-1648 like neighbouring England and Scotland.

Naturally, when Welsh nationalism attempts to recall a past in which it was a 'state' - it is always an imagined and romanticised history. A fantasied history which generates ideas of the persecuted 'indigenous' Cymro where it shouldn't really be (in all seriousness, the injustices inflicted upon Wales by England are enough - extra additional injustices reliant upon a claim to to 'nativeness' do not need to be invented in order to be taken seriously). In the modern world, claims of nativeness in a European context are fraught, misguided, in poor taste and often copy the homework of the indigenous peoples those same European powers marginalised or colonised. In the modern world, a white Welshman claiming indigeneity is doing so in a postcolonial world and there really is no escaping that. Succinctly - the Welsh nationalist who relies upon a created sense of nativeness can only do so by drawing upon the work of marginalised native peoples living in parts of the world formerly colonised by Great Britain. To claim native status as a Welshman is to misunderstand and misappropriate history while wielding the language of the genuinely colonised while contributing nothing to it. It is purely extractive and a slap in the face of non-European native peoples everywhere. The pining for this return* to a prior point in Wales' history where it was a fully functional, sovereign nation populated only by 'native' or 'indigenous' Cymry is an alarming and ahistorical fantasy that all too easily slides into ethnonationalism and nativism -ancient or modern.

(*the choice of the word 'return' here is no accident - the desire to 'return' is inextricably linked to the alt-right dogwhistle 'retvrn' and it it is frighteningly common to see elements of that subculture crop up in Welsh nationalist calls to return to a point in Wales' history where it was 'sovreign'.)

Welsh nationalism which isn't vigilant to this kind of thinking very often will find itself arguing blatant untruths. For example, on the milder side of fake history, I've come across Welsh nationalist groups claiming symbolism from Owain ap Gruffydd's coat of arms - despite the fact he lived before the age of heraldry and he never used these arms because they were attributed to him later.

What next for Wales after 1542?:

Since Wales was fully and formally incorporated into the Kingdom of England by 1542, English colonisation of the Americas prior to 1707 naturally included Welsh colonists as well as English colonists. After 1707 Scots joined in with the now British colonisation of the Americas (both as/for/on the side of the Brits and as Scots fleeing Scotland after the Act of Union decimated Scottish Gaelic traditional culture). The Welsh, on the other hand, were more intimately involved with the colonisation of the Americas before that.

Though England spearheaded its colonisation of the Americas, Wales was not an unwilling participant dragged along by its association with and incorporation into England - Welsh colonisation, like Scottish colonisation, was often motivated by religious or cultural persecution - of which colonisation of another land was a possible solution to cultural loss in their home countries. Pennsylvania was settled by many Welsh Quakers and the idea of a Welsh Tract was floated to the Welsh settlers in 1684. The idea was to create a county which would operate in the Welsh language and serve as a vehicle for the preservation of the Welsh language. This attempt was not as successful as Wales' colony in Patagonia, Argentina in which native populations there were displaced at the behest of the Argentinian government - who needed the land settled and cleared. Welsh colonists took up this mantle and created Y Wladfa colony there in 1865.

Returning to the 17th Century - Welsh people were active colonists in the Americas during this time - motivated by saving the Welsh language and freedom of religion (especially the developing Nonconformist denominations of Protestant Christianity developing at this time). It was not so much that England was forcing Wales to participate in its colonialism, but that Wales has its own wants and ends for colonialism and was motivated entirely on its own grounds.

Back at home, Wales was still hard-done-by due to England - but two things can be true at once. Wales was a victim of English imperialism, but was also a perpetrator itself of colonial violence against Native Americans. England was no such victim of imperialism of any kind and the power dynamic for England had always been one rooted in absolute expansionism.

Summary and Conclusion:

With all of that said - if you were to ask point blank if I feel it is appropriate or okay for Wales to claim it was colonised by England and that Welsh people are in some way, more indigenous to the island than any other people living here - my answer would be no, I don't think it's okay.

I can't stop people from thinking otherwise, but I can reason that perhaps we shouldn't appropriate the struggles of people marginalised by the very nation we are talking about in order to craft a victimhood which is entirely unnecessary. Wales was a victim of English imperialism - but Wales was also an active colonising European nation. In the modern world, people are thankfully more willing to listen to the wants and needs of victims of colonialism - particularly victims of British colonialism in the Americas, Oceania and Asia. But I would warn against Welsh nationalism which seeks to capitalise on that increase in indigenous visibility in order to add legitimacy to itself (necessitating the crafting of an 'indigenous' narrative which did not exist there before). We live in the modern world where indigenous peoples are being taken more seriously than in centuries past - but that does not mean the only peoples hard-done by being taken seriously are colonised indigenous populations.

I believe it comes from a deep seated insecurity within Wales in which it is not uncommon to feel like Wales is being left behind because of all of this advancement. And this insecurity manifests as rejection of anything not obviously Welsh or demonstrably 'home-grown'. It's the national equivalent of a survival mechanism - but this is detrimental not only to the cause of Welsh nationalism, but to Wales itself. I've had people say to me (and I have read in historical sources from the last 100 years in Welsh) that the LGBTQ+ movement is actually an English invention created to erode Welsh traditional culture. Or variations on that rhetoric in which it is immigrants or other minorities which are made into this boogeyman come to destroy Wales and all Welsh ways of life. And it is so demonstrably not true but also bitter to see from the hearts and minds of my fellow Welsh speakers/Welsh people. Who have been hurt so much by the historical erosion of their culture that they confuse non-threats for threats and can only resolve to obtain some more legitimacy by appropriating the language of nativeness and colonisation in this ever changing world which, right now, is listening to native peoples for once.

It's difficult to put into words, even with all of the background knowledge above - but Wales is valuable and legitimate all on its own and doesn't need to rely upon things which isn't serving it - like ethnonationalism and nativism.

I want to live in a Wales which is uncompromising not only in its own fight for recognition and respect - but for other nations and peoples' fights for the same as well. I want to live in an independent Wales which is an ally to all those who share Wales' struggle and a Wales which rights the wrongs of its past without hesitation or compromise.

Would you rather a Wales for the few or a Wales for all who call it home?

[tanadrin]

This is the Palestinian resistance. It’s not beautiful. It’s not inspiring. It’s desperate and futile and sad. Generation after generation of children, throwing themselves into the path of one of the most brutal military machines in human history, smashing their skulls against its steel hull, mangling their limbs in its treads, thousands of them, for seventy-five years, destroying themselves as they try to face down an engine that simply rolls on over the dying and the dead. These kids were brave, much braver than I’ll ever be. They rose to defend their honour. It’s noble. But stupid beyond belief. Later, Hedges talks to Lieutenant Ayman Ghanm, a Palestinian police officer who says he’s given up on trying to save these boys’ lives. ‘When we tell the boys not to go to the dunes,’ he says, ‘they taunt us as collaborators.’ I began by saying that this is a war without opposing sides. Israel is not actually trying to defeat the resistance; it has no political objectives, just violence. But the same goes for the resistance: they are not, in fact, doing anything to meaningfully resist. Think about what actually happens in Hedges’ story. The Israeli soldiers call through their loudspeakers for the Palestinians to come, come and be killed—and the Palestinians obediently show up. Their resistance is indistinguishable from following orders. The Israeli state wants a certain level of violence from the Palestinians, it actively courts it, and the resistance factions keep doing exactly as they’re told. They teach Palestinian children that the best thing they could do with their lives is lose them. This is not a very healthy attitude, but when you start up your bullshit about the glorious resistance you are part of that sickness. What would actual resistance look like? Maybe it would start with not handing over your life to the enemy. Not climbing up the dunes. In saying all this, I’m obviously breaking one of the biggest taboos on the left, which is that you must not presume to tell Palestinians how to go about their resistance. I might have spent time in Palestine, but I’m not Palestinian. I’m not subjected to the daily nightmare of occupation. Who am I to start preaching? My only reply is this: if the armed resistance factions were resisting sanely and effectively, this kind of taboo wouldn’t need to exist. If there were a better argument for their actions than don’t criticise the victims, you’d be making that one instead. But there isn’t, so you can’t. It’s not a coincidence that the exact same rhetoric is deployed by Israel and its apologists: yes, we’re committing hideous atrocities, but how dare you notice? Who are you to say anything to us? Whoever’s saying it, the fact remains that there is no military path to a free Palestine. This fact is inconvenient and unfair and doesn’t leave much room for the optimism of the will, but that doesn’t make it any less true, and if you think there’s an exemption from unfair truths that’s awarded to especially just causes then you are wrong. Israel has nuclear weapons: it will not be overthrown with small arms and explosives. I don’t think I have the right to condemn violent resistance altogether—but I can reject violent resistance that’s doomed to fail, that achieves nothing and produces nothing except violence for its own sake. Hamas and Palestinian Islamic Jihad claim to be fighting for an Islamic republic, in which Jews will be free to live peacefully as long as they don’t dispute the sovereignty of Islam. The PFLP claims to be fighting a revolutionary people’s war for a liberated workers’ state. Their critics say that both are actually fighting for an unlimited genocide, the death of every single Jew in Israel. But what difference does it make? This is all make-believe! None of it matters, because none of it is ever actually going to happen! They’re not fighting for anything at all. They’re just fighting.

This is a good essay in general, but this point draws out something I think is important: the need to believe that, if there is a group of Bad Guys in a conflict, doing Bad Things, there must be an opposing group of Good Guys doing Good Things. But there's no law of the universe that says it must be so; mostly there's just the churn of senseless, sickening violence, to no useful or redemptive end.

[matan4il]

It's very interesting that anti-Zionists claim to be "anti-colonial" given the arguments I routinely see them use against Jews. For years, I've seen them use full scale blood quantum arguments, for one. Most recently, now that we're fully in "Jesus was a Palestinian" season again, I saw a famous economist claim that "Jesus is genetically closer to Palestinians, (particularly Christians) than to Israelis (0 connection to most groups)," which is false to begin with.

Personally, I'm very sensitive to this kind of argument because I'm a ger. These people go after Jews like us very hard because to them we have the wrong DNA and thus undermine Jewish indigeneity, peoplehood, and history. Even if they concede the genetic evidence of born Jews' ancestral origins, they still point at gerim and any of our descendants as the "fake Jews" who don't belong… anywhere, actually. We don't belong in Israel because we're "foreign interlopers," and we don't belong outside of Israel because we had the gall to become Jews.

It's one type of antisemitism I can't seem to numb myself toward.

Hi Nonnie! Thank you for the ask, and my apologies about how long it's taking me to reply these days. Real life is not currently kind... :(

Okay, I had to roll my eyes so hard at that propaganda lie about Jesus. (found the economist in question, love it when someone who is living as a colonizer on stolen Native American land, has the audacity to goysplain a Jewish man to Jews, who support Jewish native rights. There really is no end to how much Jews just don't count to such people, is there?)

And it really is remarkable how many things he could get wrong in just that one part of his tweet...

Jesus was not a Palestinian, he was a Jew.

If you traveled back in time, and wanted to ask him about being Palestinian, you wouldn't be able to speak to Jesus in Arabic, which is the language of the Palestinians as Arabs, you would have to speak to him in either Hebrew or Aramaic (which is so close to ancient Hebrew, that I can speak some Aramaic simply by virtue of being a native Hebrew speaker) for him to understand you. Because he was a Jew.

If you did speak to Jesus in Hebrew or Aramaic, and asked him about being Palestinian, he wouldn't know what you're talking about, because the Romans would only rename the land Provincia Syria Palaestina in 136 AD, over 100 years after his death. Calling Jesus Palestinian is like saying that Chief Powhatan (probably best known as Pocahontas' father) was a Virginian, just because he was born and lived on territory that would later become Virginia. It's anachronistic, blatantly untrue, and totally imposing colonialist inventions on native people.

To the best of my knowledge NO ONE has dug up Jesus' DNA to compare it to ANY group. This is how you can tell that when he gets to that part, this guy is just blatantly making propaganda up.

Israelis are not one group, but Israeli Jews do test close to other Middle Eastern groups, and closest to other Jewish groups from around the world.

I guess, why settle for one bit of bullshit, when you can go for five?

I find it so interesting that you used the term "blood quantum." For non-Americans, who may not know it, here's a short introduction:

A person's Blood Quantum is the fraction of their ancestors, out of their total ancestors, who are documented as full-blood Native Americans. The blood quantum policy was first implemented by the federal government within tribes to limit native citizenship. However, since 1934, tribes were granted the authority/ability to create their own enrollment qualifications.

I find it interesting, because I keep thinking Jews and First Nations have so much in common, as native peoples. I remember coming across at least two different stories of people being adopted into Native American tribes. Obviously, each first nation has its own rules about it, before and after the colonization of America, but the point is... there is room for someone to become a member of the tribe, not based on blood. Most of the time, membership of the tribe IS based on ancestry, but it isn't limited to that. Some people come and live with the tribe, adopt its customs and way of life, emerge themselves in the values and heritage, embrace its spiritual beliefs, become a member of this community, and then they are adopted in. It's the same with Jews. Most of us are born Jewish, some of us choose to live this lifestyle, embrace the customs, beliefs and culture, go to synagogue, get to know the community, and eventually adopt and are adopted by it. That's the thing. Converting to Judaism isn't just changing your belief system. It's joining a tribe, and changing one's identity through this process of mutual adoption. Converts to Judaism don't take away ANYTHING from the native rights of Jews. On the contrary, this process of conversion is so different to when someone moves from one religion to another (think of how much simpler baptism is, to the long journey of converting to Judaism), precisely because Judaism isn't just a religion, unlike Christianity and Islam. It is an entire, intricate identity that combines multiple aspects, as all ancient, native identities do.

And in this context, think of Americans who are mostly of European descent, and have nothing to do with Native American culture, or way of life, but they can point to having an "exotic" great great great grandfather, who was a Native American chief. From what I've gathered, they would not be considered members of the tribe by most Native American nations. But the person who lives with the tribe, and shares its ways and its fate? That person is recognized as such by the tribe members.

Jews are the same. We are not native just because our ancestors are from Israel. We are also native, because we are the people who have preserved that Israelite identity. We have carried its torch, and passed it on along the generations, and we have shared our light with those, who chose to stand with us, to share our ways, our fate, and the consequences of the horrible hatred aimed at us.

I love you, my fellow tribe member. Thank you for sharing the light, and the burden, together! *sending so much love* xoxox

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[soobadnoonecanstopher]

Can I Stay? (A Baekhyun Story) Part 17.

Pairing: You x Baekhyun

Rating: M

Word Count: 10.5k

Warnings: More plot. No space for smut this time.

Tag list @andimoon @his-mochi-cheeks

Links: Part 1, … Part 16, Part 17, Part 18

You were the kind of person who worked very well under pressure. It was written all over your résumé and unlike some others who claimed this trait and then folded like paper under the slightest bit of stress; you actually did work very well under pressure.

The career kind of pressure.

The pressure involving deadlines and all-hands on deck scenarios in which you needed to perform flawlessly and harness every innate professional skill you’d perfected over the years so well that you could rely on trusting your gut with every move and you actually saw results. You could handle anything, professionally; you were not one to back down from any challenge you were presented with and you did not waver or cower in the face of great adversary.

Baekhyun had gone motionless beside you. From the corner of your eye you could see the way he clenched down hard on his jaw and judging from how very still his chest was, it didn't seem like he was breathing.

Your mind half registered the elevator stopping at your floor, only you did not make any moves to exit.

You watched the back of President Byun’s head, frozen by what you could only describe as abject panic coursing through your every vein. It was a new feeling to you. You felt paralyzed as you stared at the graying strands of his hair and you begged and pleaded that perhaps you had simply misheard him.

You did not have a plan for this. This was a new and terrifying kind of pressure you had never experienced before.

President Byun, Baekhyun’s father and your boss — not your direct superior by any stretch of your imagination but the boss, the big boss, the boss to end all bosses of your entire professional existence up until this point, that President Byun — he had just dropped an atom bomb on top of your head in this tiny box that was hurling you away from the earth up toward his golden towers in the sky, he had just called you out for your sins against him, your sins against him and your sins again his precious and dearest child. His son who he’d breathed life into when he brought him into this world and had handed over to you to nurture and to care for and you had what? Seduced your way into his life; made him fall in love with you…

What would the man think of you?

A harlot? A threat to the Byun family name? A gold digger? There was plenty of his hard earned and life long suffering gold to dig for; but would any amount of your begging and pleading arguments even begin to touch at the surface of just how much you weren’t after any of the fortune? You did not care one bit about it. You had made your way in this world just fine so far on your own merit alone and you could continue in this way forever for all you cared.

But Baekhyun… never in your entire existence had you felt this kind of love for another human being.

Would you just have to give him up?

You would not survive such a blow. You’d just as easily give up your career than give this man up. Just the thought of spending a lifetime without him in it made that prospective life worthless to you.

The elevator had halted. It had reached the end of the line and the doors dinged softly seconds before they pulled open and your eyes caught the tasteful red patterned plush carpet that lined the top floor of this building. None of the other floors had this kind of luxury that gave with a bounce underneath your feet as you walked.

It was a different world entirely up here.

“See me in my office, in one hour.” You flinched when his strong booming voice called out into the hollow space of this elevator right before a shift in his balance indicated that he was leaving you both behind in here. You still could not be sure he was speaking to you both or only to Baekhyun, but there was something that felt a bit like a guillotine’s chop that struck against you hard when you caught movement in his face as he angled his focus just slightly in your direction for one more strike, “You might as well come too,” he added before he was gone.

You managed a quiet whisper before the doors moved. A “Yes, Sir” somehow came out of your parted lips.

The doors closed up and neither of you moved.

Your eyes wandered over the space before you. The illuminated lights overhead that told you this contraption was still sitting at the top floor; not yet called on by any other travelers and not told where to head by either of the two occupants still standing inside of it. The shiny doors now in their closed position showed very clear scratch marks from the years of opening and closing again and again. The panel with all of its numbers and at the bottom, the red alarm button that would connect you with someone, with anyone, who might be able to help you in the most dire of situations you found yourself trapped in. Did they help with disasters of your own making?

You extended your hand and you noticed the visible tremble in your fingers as you pointed your index finger and lightly ran it over that red alarm button; genuinely wondering what kinds of emergencies they were equipped to help with.

A movement pulled you out of the quiet trance you’d been stuck inside, and a hand with slim fingers reached forward into your field of vision.

His fingers pressed a familiar number and then his hand traveled down to lay lightly over your hand. His hand moved slowly over the back of yours and he wrapped his fingers around your hand and squeezed down just enough for you to pull your eyes away from the red alarm button and seek him out.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly; his brown eyes looking into your own with a myriad of emotions surging through them. Concern. Guilt. Worry. He blinked once and broke eye contact, looking down at his feet as he bit down on his bottom lip and furrowed his eyebrows.

“I’m going to be fired.”

Baekhyun shook his head back and forth, lightly at first but harder as he got going; with a deep inhale into his lungs, his face lifted and he looked into your eyes once more as he shook his head with more conviction.

“No,” he said, “No, you won’t.”

You watched his face and felt the effect of the stress you were feeling pulling at your stomach, making you ache from the inside. You closed up your eyes and felt the smallest tug at your hand as he shook you lightly to beg for your attention again.

You gave in to him with his next words.

“This is just a negotiation. We have an important meeting in an hour — for a negotiation. We’ve had plenty of those, right?”

It took you a moment to hear him through the haze you felt in your mind but after a few seconds you nodded your head in agreement. Maybe you could get through it with this kind of mindset.

He inhaled to speak again, “Now…we have to prepare for the meeting.”

You found yourself seated on the sofa in your office. Assistant Cha had been sent away on some insane photocopying mission crafted by Baekhyun that was likely to keep her occupied for hours, and although you had wished for it all day long, having some alone time with Baekhyun inside your office now, felt about as joyous as planning a funeral.

During your discussion with him, he seemed to overlook the ‘how’ for now — he was less concerned with how President Byun came to know of this incriminating information; brushing it aside as a mere detail that would be dealt with later, and he was fixated on the ‘what’ as in Baekhyun seemed convinced that his father, master businessman that he was, actually knew far less than the brief encounter in the elevator suggested.

“I’m not convinced he knows it’s you,” he urged.

“Why does he want to see me in his office, then?” You countered and he only shook his head with a small shrug of his face, not at all giving you a response to this fact with anything concrete.

“I don't know that. But you don't know that man. He was angled in my direction; I could just feel it.”

“He was standing straight and facing forward. There was no angle.”

“He was talking to me. His tone — his voice — it was projected in my direction. I know my Dad, he is upset at me. But only at me. His feet, or his hips had a slight…angle, I can’t explain it, but I know it,” he insisted again, “he definitely knows there is a woman, but that’s as much as he’s got.”

“What if we get up there and he knows?”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. What do you always say is the first rule of negotiation?”

“Don't ever show your hand,” you repeated the words you religiously mumbled to yourself before any big showdown.

“Don't ever show your hand,” he repeated with a forced smile on his face that did not reach his eyes.

You’d kept an eye on the clock. Time was moving much too fast for this. You hardly had any time at all to prepare; not that there was much either of you could do to prepare for this.

You made a quick stop at your desk before you joined where Baekhyun stood with his hand on the doorknob of your office watching and waiting for you to follow him out. Of course, he was watching you as you grabbed the plain white envelope out of your desk drawer and discretely slipped it inside the inner pocket of your suit coat.

“You won’t need that,” he said matter of factly.

“That’s just a worst case scenario. Like a plan B.” you said with a sad smile on your face, speaking of the short but sweet resignation letter signed with your own hand. “I’d rather resign than have my name dragged through the mud.”

You heard a dissenting hum from the back of his throat as Baekhyun clearly did not agree with your back-up plan. You’d taken your place at his side and instantly you felt his hands reach into your coat and he pulled out the letter. You watched in half annoyance, half amusement as he gripped it lightly in his fingertips and quickly ripped it in half, before stacking the halves and ripping those into more pieces which he proceeded to drop into the waiting trash can near the sofa.

“Plan B is you are 6 weeks pregnant,” he said in a joking tone. You frowned as you looked down into the trash can. You definitely didn't have time to print out another resignation letter now. “Of course, we’d have to get started on that right away, so that the timing works out.”

“And then plan C is we run away and get married, anyway,” he said with a dip of his head to catch your eyes, making you look up into his face. You had still been looking down at the trash can when you felt the softness of his fingertips below your chin, urging you to look at him. “You can be the breadwinner. I alway knew I would make a beautiful trophy wife one day.”

He was playing now. It was intentional; just to lighten your mood a little bit before the real danger came and you found yourself standing in front of the consequences of your actions trying not to pass out. You knew he wasn’t making light of this very real and very scary situation with his jokes and after a few seconds you looked up into his face; you could see so clearly, the poorly concealed worry there.

You leaned into him first. You slipped your hands inside the warmth of his suit jacket; wrapping your arms tightly around his waist and you buried your face well into the crook of his neck. His arms encircled you immediately and you felt the echo of a soft hum from deep within his chest.

“We will be okay,” you heard him say right beside your ear where he had tucked his face into your hair. It sounded like a statement but you definitely heard a hint of uncertainty in his voice. After a few quiet seconds you heard his inhale.

“No matter what happens — y-you wouldn’t leave me, right?” All traces of the ruse were gone. All false humor and forced bravado vanished with his quiet question.

His voice trembled with genuine fear as he asked you such a terrible thing.

You lifted your eyes to look into his face and you lifted a hand to rest it on his cheek.

“I would abandon my career before I would leave you, my love,” you called into his heart, soothing whatever silly fears he had — that you could somehow live without him. With your words, he closed his eyes slowly; taking them deep inside. His lips parted as he tasted the truth in them.

“But you just ripped up my resignation letter so let’s hope it doesn’t come down to that.”

For this, he opened his eyes again, tilting his head slightly to the side.

It was time to go. You knew how long the elevator ride would take up to the top floor and if you weren’t inside of it soon, you’d be late. With as many transgressions as you had under your belt against his father you didn’t need to add any more to the list.

“Wait, I thought the resignation letter was to keep your name off the blacklist, as in to protect your career — but it was for me? To stay with me? You’d give up your job to stay with me?”

“But you love your job. Your job is, like, everything to you.” He was still speaking; strangely fixated on this little detail. You were certain it must be his need to gauge your love and devotion to him; which was ridiculous. You were about to get fired because of how much you loved this man. The least he could do was not gloat about it.

You were straightening your suit jacket, buttoning buttons and smoothing your skirt as he talked.

“Well you ripped it up,” you said with a grin; feeling a little bit like you were going into battle, “so I guess we’ll never know.”

You pulled your office door open and stepped out into the open floor; making your way through the cubicles and out into the hallway that led to the elevators.

The hour reprieve you’d had with him had done something unexpected. Yes you were headed up to what was very likely to be your demise, but strangely with him beside you — with Baekhyun, your love by your side, you might just make it through whatever happened upstairs. Perhaps this love you’d found could soften whatever detrimental blows you received today. Suddenly your work, your career, your job title felt just a little bit less than the highest priority to you.

Inside the elevator he inhaled a breath. You knew his silence through the crowded office space would not last; not with his curiosity left unsatisfied.

“So me or your professional reputation? What was that letter for?”

The elevator moved quickly. The rapid motion made you feel queasy and you had to lay a hand over your belly to calm your nerves. He noticed and reached a hand out in your direction, landing a palm over your own hand as you cradled your belly.

“What is it? Is it the baby?” His words of what sounded like genuine and convincing concern caught you off guard and you couldn’t hold the small surprised chuckle that broke free — that he would dare say such a ridiculous thing out loud. The laugh, the first genuine bit of happiness you’d felt in more than an hour caught you off guard more than his joke and you marveled that you could dare to be feeling something so joyous during such a dreadful situation.

You lightly swatted his hand away and he let out the sweetest teasing giggle.

“Sorry, just practicing my acting.”

The final steps out of the elevator, out onto that luxurious carpeting, and down the hallway that lead up to the heavy wooden doors of the CEOs office, were quiet. Any remnants of misplaced humor from either of you were snuffed out by nerves.

Baekhyun pulled on the handle and you stepped inside first, catching the eyes of the President’s secretary as soon as you both stepped inside the entryway.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Byun, ” the young man in the crisp suit called out an overly formal greeting with a stiff smile directed at your boyfriend. His eyes glanced in your direction and you got a short head-nod, “Miss Managar. The president is expecting you. Please — this way.”

The man rounded his desk and stood in front of a second set of heavy wooden doors with a hand extended toward it and his torso leaned in the direction you were both to go.

“You may go in.” His other hand extended halfway toward his first.

You felt as if this plush carpet had swallowed up your feet. They seemed to refuse your attempts to send a signal from your brain to your legs to make them move.

You heard the heavy door open, despite how well oiled and maintained those hinges were, your ears caught the movement of wood as it slid over thick carpet.

You knew you should move. Baekhyun was already inside.

The young man took one step closer to where you stood and you heard him inhale to speak again.

“You — may go in,” he said with, god bless him, without any change at all in his tone, despite the fact that he had now said this to you twice without you actually moving at all.

“Yes.” You whispered toward him. His eyes caught ahold of yours and he held on to his blank expression so well.

“I am — g-going in.”

Something was wrong with you. Could stress cause paralysis?

“Miss Manager, you may go in.” The man reached a quick hand behind you and you felt the smallest push of his palm over your shoulder and coupled with the nerves; the embarrassment you felt surge through you surely had turned your entire face into a flushed hot red mess. Still, the smallest push he gave you actually got your feet moving and you took three or four big steps right into the office of the President of this company and the father of the man you secretly loved.

President Byun’s focus was on his son. There seemed to be some sort of a stare down going in the first few seconds of this interaction. Your entry into the space pulled both of their eyes away from each other and you closed the distance so that you were standing directly beside Baekhyun.

President Byun opened his mouth to speak.

“Ahh Miss Manager,” he said, looking into your face with lifted eyebrows and a confusing smile on his face. “Lovely that you could make it as well.”

The smile for you felt so genuine. Soft almost. You couldn’t quite connect that soft smile the old man gave you with the anger and outrage he should have had on his face when he looked at you — you, the scheming, gold digging harlot who had used her influence and power over his dear sweet child to trick him into believing he was in love with her.

You felt confused. You felt silly. The longer he looked at you with such a warm expression. The nerves and apprehensions you had been feeling were dissipating like bubbles in the air above your head.

“I actually wanted to meet with you about this young man right here, but I don’t believe you need to be present quite yet.

“I have a personal family matter to discuss with my son first. Something about some woman he intends to marry — without even consulting his dear father, that has given him everything — without even letting me meet her first.”

Oh.

He didn’t know.

Baekhyun was right.

Baekhyun’s posture had sagged some. You could see the relief in his spine and you looked over into his face and found him concealing the smallest smile on his lips that he had to bite down to keep under control. His eyes stayed fixed ahead of him but you could tell he was quite pleased to have been right about his father.

“Umm..pardon me, Mr. President but I haven’t prepared any performance evaluation materials for Assistant Byun for today…”

“Oh don’t worry one bit, Dear. This is all very unofficial.”

The soft pet name was unexpected but not unwelcome. You were not in any trouble at all. You were not about to be fired. There would be no official sanction or lawsuit. Sure you had technically broken some of HR’s rules with the timing of everything but there was no crowd awaiting your public execution. No one was sharpening a head chopping ax. Just a soft old man whose feelings had been hurt that his son left him out of such a monumental life decision.

Baekhyun would have to soothe his fathers ego well, but you were certain he could handle it without letting his own stubbornness get in the way.

“Dad. You will get to meet her, but no matter what you say, I’m not going to change my mind. This meeting is pointless. If you wanted me to come and hang out we could have just had lunch together.”

Oh no. He sounded sassy and defensive. Stubborn and immovable. Just as you’d feared, both men shared an equally strong sense of stubborn entitlement that was probably genetic.

“I don’t even know her. Is she smart and capable? Does she have good business sense? What does she do for a living? You have kept her from me — why? Do I know her?”

“She loves me. I love her. That should be your first question.”

Part of you wanted to intervene; to remind him of how delicate this situation was and how if he handled it with just a little more grace he might get further with convincing his dad.

You were retreating. You’d already been told to step aside and you’d made it just outside the doorway mid-way through their heated discussion about Baekhyun’s future, his birthright, and his responsibilities.

You were alone with the secretary again. He was seated in his chair behind his desk watching you with a passive and disinterested expression on his face as you stood with your back against the wall right beside the still slightly parted doorway.

You could make out their conversation but with the young man watching you, you pretended like couldn't and you kept your judgements about the over the top and ridiculously stubborn things both men were saying to yourself.

“Have you ever been to Egypt?” the secretary suddenly asked. His focus seemed far away but you were the only person in this room so you figured he was talking to you.

It took a few seconds but you shook your head back and forth as a reply.

“Oh you seemed like maybe you have. I want to go to Egypt.”

Clearly this man had some preconceptions about you. You smiled politely as you kept your ears trained on the heated discussion that continued behind the door.

“Just try it. Go ahead. You say I’m dramatic now, just try and force my hand. You want to lose your only son, forever? You have no idea how dramatic I’ll get.”

“Maybe I’ll go in the spring so it’s not so hot. It’s the desert though so it might be hot all the time. I want to see the pyramids. Which has better pyramids, Mexico or Egypt?”

“Please. The nurse at the hospital said she’d never seen such a dramatic baby and you were only one day old. I know exactly what kind of show you can put on. Is she trustworthy. Can she handle coming into this world.”

“I won’t give her up, even if she can’t. I’ll protect her from the family if I have to.”

“I don’t know,” you said to the young man.

“Oh you seem like you would know,” he replied, looking genuinely disappointed in your answer. You felt slightly taken aback. What on earth gave him the impression that you were an expert on the pyramids in Egypt and Mexico? “Why do I seem like I would know?”

“I don’t know.” He said as a final cryptic response and just continued staring at you. You felt weirdly sorry to him; as if you’d actually let him down today. Maybe you should read the Wikipedia pages on the pyramids in case you had to come back up here for a meeting with the President again.

“And don’t even try and come up with something dumb like ‘she’s pregnant.’ I have my own private doctor on speed dial.”

“Well, what if she really is pregnant?”

“Is she?”

“No.”

“Get out of here.”

The door pushed open sooner than you expected and with enough force that you had to quickly move yourself away from it to avoid being smacked. Baekhyun came through the doorway with about as much pent up aggression as you had ever seen on him and the second his eyes met yours you caught the tiny wink and the soft smile that spread over his face for a split second. He gave you a small head nod and you inhaled a breath and actually fought the eye roll at the theatrics you had just witnessed from him. Was this really his negotiation tactic? Act like such a brat that his father simply gave in from sheer exhaustion from having to put up with his spoiled behavior?

You made a mental note to have a word with him about maybe trying out some other techniques that may be just as effective and less traumatizing for everyone involved.

There was no time now though, it was your turn with the old man. You pushed through the doorway and found Baekhyun’s dad standing on this side of his desk. You imagined how worked up the man had been with his son pushing all of his buttons as he had apparently been so good at doing.

“Ahh yes, close the door please, if you don't mind.” The shift was attempted well, but not complete as you could still see some of the previous agitation rolling off of his shoulders.

You did as you were told and circled back toward the doorway that you had left slightly parted for Baekhyun’s benefit and through the crack in the doorway you caught his eyes and seemed to beg you to keep it open just a little bit. He even lifted his fingers up, holding his index and thumb together motioning a tiny space between the two and frowned his lips dramatically when you shrugged and pulled the door closed completely, blocking out the view and the sight of the man entirely.

You could tell from how his disgruntled ‘hrmph’ sound was cut off mid-way that this heavy wooden door was completely soundproof.

“Miss Manager,” the president began when you returned to him. He had leaned against the desk, taking on a much more casual stance than when you first entered this office and he lifted both of his hands to his chin in a thoughtful and pensive pose as he cleared his throat and said your name without your title attached to it. You found it curious, but the next words he said had your curiosity absolutely burning and your mind whirling.

“I’m afraid this is not a business meeting. I am so sorry if this is unwelcome and I realize it is inappropriate of me to even mention it, but alas I am an old man without nearly as much shame as I should have. Life is long and yet life is so short.”

“And yet, I do admit that I am still ashamed to say I have something very personal to ask of you — or more so, to beg you to consider. Merely the consideration is all I ask.”

“Go on,” you said carefully and with absolute caution in your voice. His words had so much pretext you could hardly stand the build up. Whatever it was he was about to ask you must be the most unusual and unheard of request you’d ever received from anyone and as delicately as he danced around his words, protecting his pride with as many asides as a self aware one act play, you imagined he had never had to ask anyone this sort of thing in the entirety of his life up until this point.

Until he was standing here before you with chagrin in his eyes, a shameful smile on his face and his beseeching request sitting on the tip of his tongue.

You had been well prepared. As prepared by him as you were going to get. And still you felt a jolt.

“What do you think of my son?”

You watched his face after he asked this question. Unsure enough for your lips to remain steadily closed and your eyes to flutter about his face, landing into those familiar brown eyes that now seemed to look at you with a different sort of fondness you had not yet noticed from him before.

Was this a trick?

Had you walked into a trap?

“Umm..Assistant Byun has proven himself to be an invaluable asset to my team. He is sharp, insightful, and incredibly capable. Much too valuable to be stuck as my assistant for any longer, which is why I’ve processed his transfer out so much sooner than anticipated. Perhaps you’ve noticed, he will be moving on next week.”

President Byun watched silently with that same smile on his face as you raved about his only child and when you were out of compliments to give, you closed up your mouth and looked into his expectant face with your eyes growing wider the longer he looked at you in silence.

“Mhmm, I see,” He said after a while and his eyebrows lifted as he tilted his head.

“And what do you think of my son…as a man.”

His eyes did not leave your face and you inhaled a breath to hear his follow up question and the implications it concealed. It definitely felt as if you had walked into some sort of a trap here with his knowing smile and his trustworthy and open stance. He was standing close to you and had angled his torso in your direction. He had given you his full and undivided attention and possibly even cleared out a long block of time in his busy schedule just for you and you instantly closed up your lips; taking a tiny step backward and crossing your arms over your chest at just how dangerous this little talk of his felt. This unofficial, off the record talk, in which he had yet to actually ask you the question — the favor or whatever it was that he claimed to be so ashamed to have to ask you to consider.

The shift in your body language loosened his tongue and out from his chest came the smallest chuckle of amusement.

“I have to admit. I’m a bit disappointed. As a loving father to that kid — that brat. Over the past few months of him working closely with you, I admit I noticed some incredible changes in him and silly me, it actually did get my hopes up a bit. I thought — I hoped there might be something there. Now I fear I’ve been wrong. You’re sending him away and he’s marrying some stranger.”

“And so now here I am — just a pathetic old man coming to a strong and capable and wonderful woman such as yourself, who I’m sure has her share of men to choose from and asking her just to consider him.”

“What exactly are you asking of me?” The longer he went on, the less this felt like a trap. It felt like the carefully trodden steps of a father who loved his son and wanted what was best for him, even at the expense of his own pride.

“Nothing really. You can just turn around and leave and this conversation will have never officially happened, in fact if you are so offended that you wish to file suit for this; I would have it coming and settle immediately. I understand that this is inappropriate of me to ask.”

“Mr. Byun,” you said softly, removing the formal title and addressing him in a way that took a little of the pressure off, “I’m not…offended so much as I am just a bit cautious; yet, I do feel the need to answer you honestly, as difficult as it may be to say. Just to answer your question from earlier, as a man, Baekhyun is just lovely. To me, he is. He is funny and caring and handsome and he was raised right. There is so much to like about him. That much is clear. Any woman, myself included, would be absolutely lucky to have him. Honestly, and this is quite embarrassing to admit to you; but, I’d be lying if I said I’ve never seen him in that way.”

Your words had an effect on the man. You saw the widening of his smile, a genuine grin that reached his eyes and he even went so far as to lightly clap his hands together just once out of happiness. You couldn’t help your own smile even if you did have to look away from him to keep yourself from giving away too much.

“That’s good enough for me. Let me just put it out there. If something should transpire and you happen to steal him away from her…let’s just say I wouldn't be mad about it. We all have our favorites and I don't even know who she is. But I know you and I couldn't sleep at night without at least having said it. I hope you’ll forgive this silly old man for the intrusion.”

“Of course, Mr. Byun.” The smile on your face was as genuine as the endearing words from this man that you’d absorbed straight into your heart.

You said your farewells and as you made it closer to the door, Baekhyun’s father called back to you with his hands to get your attention, making a motion like he was zipping his lips closed and locking them tight with an imaginary key as he gestured toward where his son waited on the other side of that door. The message was clear. Baekhyun shouldn’t know about his father’s plan to get you to steal his affections away from whatever mystery woman he had promised to spend his life with.

You smiled and nodded your head in response, placing a hand over the center of your chest in a promise to the man that his secret was safe with you, you would do your best with your new task, and he could trust you with the minor details of it all.

This was really the best case scenario in every way possible. It wasn't that you didn't want to tell him the truth about you and Baekhun’s relationship right now. After having talked with him, you knew you could trust the man to support you both. But you could tell just how much he was enjoying crafting this scheme of his and you would much rather have him believe he was a relationship mastermind later, than know right now about how inappropriate and unprofessional the mentor/mentee relationship with his son had already been up until this point.

When you pushed the big heavy door open you could hear Baekhyun’s voice as he appeared to be deep in a conversation about pyramids with the president’s secretary.

“…actually in Mexico, in Cholula there’s a pyramid twice the size of the biggest one in Giza, but the problem is it’s buried so it just looks like a big hill. The Spaniards built a church on top of it. But if you’re looking for the oldest pyramids, then definitely Egypt is the place to —,” Baekhyun said; his voice trailing off at the end when he noticed you emerging from the office.

“Hey man, thanks for this.” The secretary said to Baekhyun as he motioned to something on his phone. Gone was the disinterested and blank stare; the man was downright jolly as he looked down at whatever it was Baekhyun had provided.

Clearly your boyfriend was the kind of pyramid expert that you simply were not and you vowed to brush up on several wonders of the world the moment you had a few hours to spare.

The second you were both out of earshot Baekhyun turned to you with bright eyes and a hopeful smile on his face.

“What happened in there? What did you two talk about?”

You bit down on your lips and shrugged your shoulders lightly, avoiding his eyes in favor of finding the ever elusive elevator button to press.

“Umm..” you let your response trail off under the guise of needing every bit of your focus for this task in front of you.

You were extra careful to press it slowly and you did not let up until you were satisfied that the button had been pressed and was lit up in just the right kind of way. You listened carefully, craning your neck a little until the far away sounds of the ascending elevator box could be faintly heard as it made its way up to you.

Beside you, Baekhyun was vibrating with anticipation.

He was a remarkably patient man. You could see his movements out of the corner of your eye as you looked ahead and waited for the elevator.

“Noona,” he barked straight from the center of his chest, the nickname said in the gruffest most annoyed sounding tone you’d ever heard him use with you.

The sound of it pulled your eyes away from that illuminated up arrow on the wall and you looked into his once expecting, and now outright demanding face with his raised eyebrows and parted lips, his arms crossed over his chest and his huffing and puffing breaths through his open mouth. Oh, he was worked up.

“What did he say?”

You pursed your lips and you shook your head back and forth in shallow passes.

“Well…Not…much, really. And nothing bad.” Your staggered words had him reeling and when the elevator doors opened, you stepped inside quickly; standing against the back wall. The very picture of innocence.

“Oh my god. He’s up to something. He’s scheming. I just know it. I don’t trust it. And now you — you won’t even tell me what you two talked about —”

He was going now. Really, really giving into the whiny, put-out mood he’d been in since the confrontational chat with his dad about his love life. You knew you had to give him something just to ease his worries a little bit — if not, to save your eardrums. This was not the place to reveal everything that had been discussed in that top floor office.

“It was just kind of an upper management check-in, Baekhyun. Nothing out of the norm after a project wraps or after a high profile employee, such as yourself,” you motioned with a hand over the length of him, “moves onto another department. I gave you glowing reviews, of course. And I meant every word.”

He had been covering his whole face with his hands when you started speaking. Once you were done declaring the whole father-secret girlfriend talk ‘no big deal’ with a flippant hand wave, you renewed your focus ahead of yourself with a newly formed interest in watching the descending numbers on the elevator’s digital display, Baekhyun’s hands had fully fallen to his side and he was watching your profile with what some might consider a suspicious eye squint.

He did not respond to you in any way. He merely watched your face and you were extra careful to keep your focus on the numbers that any moment now, would halt on your floor and give you an excuse to exit this little box of deceit.

You weren’t cut out for this. Not with him. You couldn't stand not being able to tell him every single thing that happened, and frankly the excitement that was bubbling up inside of your chest threatened to spill out all over his crisp white dress shirt.

Not only did you have his father’s encouragement and blessing, but inside of you, you felt the kind of euphoria one might feel after receiving their very own Presidential Pardon. Which in a way, you kind of did. Ever since you started working closely with Baekhyun, you’d shared nearly everything with him. It didn't even take much for you to spill. He could usually sniff you out based on your body language alone or you would spill the truth of any situation with him simply because he was your ally and if you didn’t share it with him; what even was the point of having a trusty assistant.

After the relationship started it was a no-brainer. You told him everything because you wanted to. You loved him and you wanted him to know the things you knew. You were pretty sure it was mutual because oftentimes you’d catch yourself listening to some long rambling story of his. Him detailing something mundane, while you being completely transfixed just feeling pleasure from the sound of his voice and not even minding that, if you were in your right mind, you would have zero interest in the temperature of the soup served in the work cafeteria or the ratio of noodles to shrimp (it was one. One single, lonely shrimp in the entire bowl of noodles) in today’s stir fry.

You could not lie to Baekhyun. You could only run away.

And run away you tried, the elevator dinged and the doors began to open and you were out of there before those doors had even parted enough for a single, normal person to exit. You squeezed through and your feet were carrying you with a remarkable quickness.

Halfway through your journey away from him, you realized that rushing made you look so much guiltier and by the time you reached your office and pushed your door open, frantic eyes behind you told you that he wasn’t even chasing. In fact, he was taking his time walking in between the cubicles without even the slightest bit of urgency.

Perhaps he just … bought it?

Maybe he actually believed that all you and his father talked about up there was his recent performance as an Assistant.

Of course you would tell him the truth. The moment you both had any significant amount of time together you would spill it. The second you had his pretty face in your sights and his hands inside of your hands; the strands of his hair raked through your fingers and the smell of his warm skin floating over your parted lips as you breathed him in.

You knew it had to wait until you had him alone. You could not trust yourself after you told him this news. You could not be held responsible for what you might do.

The moment you entered your office, you were greeted by the smiling face of Assistant Cha, who up until this very moment you had simply forgotten existed. The surprise of finding her sitting inside your closed up office made you jump and you gasped out in shock at first before you tried to recover as quickly as possible; replacing the look of surprise with a friendly smile and following the startled, “Ahh” with hastily covered up, “Ahh -Ohh—hello…there Assistant Cha.”

It took a good ten seconds to recover and a few deep breaths later you had found some words for the girl.

“Have you been waiting long? Assistant Byun should be around any moment—”

“Sunny, did you finish? Already?” Baekhyun’s voice broke through your words, paired with the sound of your office door being thrust open and you whirled around to see his head poking through the opening and his abrupt words directed at Assistant Cha.

You watched his face, expecting to catch some hidden look from him, perhaps a secret eyebrow raise or at least a bit of that smile but you received none.

His focus was only on Sunny, who was standing with her arms filled with stacks and stacks of papers and a whirlwind of an overwhelmed expression in her eyes.

She received a wide and beautiful smile from him. A sweet reward for all of her efforts.

“Of course you did!” He sang out through the breathtaking smile and he was pushing a rolling chair across the open office, through the open door for her to set the stacks of papers on. He was telling her things like how she could go home early today and how he would likely see her around the building next week and they should maybe do lunch after they get settled into their new roles.

It all felt very purposeful. He was getting rid of the girl. He was getting rid of the only link to reality you’d both desperately clung to all day long, the only thing that so far had worked to keep you both away from each other for long enough for any actual work to get done.

As much as you’d wished for her to leave the two of you alone all day, there was a dryness building in your mouth to watch her leave.

You inhaled a breath through parted lips, swallowed away at nothing, and bit down on your bottom lip, chewing lightly on the flesh held between your teeth and you watched him take two careful steps through the threshold of your office and turn around to close the door behind him quietly.

You didn’t know what to do with yourself. Whether it was the after affects of keeping the secret for the past probably six hours, or so it felt like — a quick glance at the clock on your wall confirmed that only ten minutes had passed since you’d run away from your boyfriend with your guilt eating you alive from the inside and, Jesus Christ, the realization that you hadn’t even lasted long enough to enjoy a coffee break before you began to self combust was a shocking reality check — whether it was the filthy lie, or the fact that this beautiful man had just closed you both up alone inside of this office after you’d been denied the touch of his hands and the taste of his lips for an entire eight-hour work shift; you did know know which breathtaking effort you were finding more difficult to withstand.

He moved slowly and you swear to god you could hear an overwhelmingly frantic thumping well inside of your ears. The sounds from outside of this private space were cut off with the click of that door and the silence was so very loud.

Baekhyun took his time. He moved with careful and deliberate steps, even pausing his journey through your office to look down and run his fingertips down the length of his necktie, straightening it out and then running hands down the length of his suit jacket, from his broad chest to his cinched waist, smoothing out wrinkles that did not exist.

Your hands gripped each other tightly in the center of your hips and you were thankful that you were already leaning against your desk because you weren’t certain you wouldn’t drop to your knees the moment he stood in front of you.

To beg forgiveness or…

Baekhyun hadn’t spoken to you since he closed the door and at least he seemed to have reached a destination. He sat down on the end of your sofa, closest to where you stood — or leaned — whatever; and at last he turned his face, his big brown eyes looked up into your face and he stared into your eyes without speaking a single word. You closed up your mouth and pulled your arms tight over your chest and lifted your eyebrows in his direction.

In your mind, you liked to think you looked at least a little strong. Maybe a touch formidable. A challenge he would struggle to overcome. Perhaps.

“I’ll be honest with you,” he spoke very suddenly and very softly. Nearly under his breath, “I am annoyed with you right now.”

He did not blink as he said it. His face did not falter.

You held your breath and felt your eyebrows tremble once over your eyes. Swallowing didn’t seem to help much with dryness in your mouth and you nearly couldn’t stand to maintain eye contact with him. You glanced down at the floor once before working up the nerve to look into his face once more.

“Not annoyed enough to matter,” he conceded the moment he had your eyes again. “I’m more amused by this right now. By how uncomfortable you look, Noona. You really cannot lie to me, not even a little bit, can you?”

His lips pulled into a smile the longer he looked at you and you felt every bit of your resolve crumble with the deep sigh that you pulled into your chest and exhaled through your parted lips.

“Fine,” you said, “I’ll tell you.” You said it with your eyes closed and the defeat evident in your tone.

When you opened your eyes he was leaning forward with his forearms resting over his parted knees and he was looking at you with his eyes wide open and his tongue inside of his mouth messing with his teeth. You could see the movement in his jaw. After a few moments he bit down on his lips.

This hopeful and expectant stance had you feeling a certain way. Perhaps just a little bit indignant that he would read you so very easily about every little thing. Were you not allowed to have any secrets from him? Were you not a human being too?

Sure this was directly related to him and directly involved his father and basically his entire life, but the man was just so difficult to keep in the dark about anything.

“For the record, I was going to tell you,” you lifted a hand. It felt like a defensive stance. “I was always going to tell you. I was getting ready,” you emphasized the word, “to tell you.” You closed your lips up and he leaned back on the sofa, swallowing with a visible bob of his throat and blinking his brown eyes slowly at you, “when we were alone.”

“So the talk with your dad went well,” you lifted your eyebrows and looked around the room without any real focus before you danced right back into his eyes. You filled your lungs, feeling like you couldn’t quite get enough air for this.

“We did speak about you — that was the truth. I did report about how you’ll be transferred out next week and how great and awesome and handsome you are — wait. I didn’t say that at first.”

His eyes widened as you stumbled a bit over your words and he ticked his head slightly.

“Noona,” he mumbled, a slight alarm on his voice. You raised a hand to shush the man while you tried your best to put your words together.

“Okay so first, I did give him the report.” You weren't quite sure why you kept returning to this point, but it felt so much safer than the next part of the talk you were desperately trying to just get out of your mouth, while also hoping you didn't actually need to say outloud.

“Second, he asked me to—” you waved a hand around, palm up, shrugging your lips with a little head shake, “asked me to, maybe consider?”

You pulled your lips wide, baring your teeth, “a-asked me to seduce you? And steal you away from this mystery woman you’re going to marry?” The upward inflection definitely made your words sound like several questions and you winced once your own words hit your ears.

You had to cover your own face with your hands.

His mouth had fallen open and his shoulders had sagged as he watched your face with wide brown eyes.

You uncovered your face and he was still staring at you without speaking a word. You were compelled by some unknown force, probably directly related to the insane butterflies that you felt fluttering around inside of your stomach with having to actually say this out loud.

He wasn’t speaking, but boy, were you.

“I don't know? I don't know.” Your eyes were wide enough to pop out of your head. You dropped the hands from your face and felt twitchy all over. A hand returned to covered over your mouth and you felt those same butterflies threatening to burst free.

You felt a small giggle come out of your chest, “he says I’m his favorite. I think I might have told him I found you lovely,” you said through a hopeless laugh, “and attractive too, I definitely said that. I’m pretty sure he believes I am going to take my assignment very seriously, and take that other woman down. I might have only imagined that part. Is it hot in here?” Your skin felt humid. You uncrossed your arms and pulled the suit coat off over your shoulders and tossed it into a heap onto a chair.

Baekhyun had both of his hands covering his open mouth and you heard the first sounds from him in the form of a quiet gasp before he was speaking.

“Noona —” his mouth opened wide but no additional words came out. When he stood up from the sofa it was to wave his hands around in front of himself with a sort of speechless wonder in his eyes, “fucking, WHAT?” He finally exploded with his noisy question, followed by the breathy, humorless laugh of genuine disbelief that broke free from his chest.

“Oh my god.” His body was in motion even though his feet stayed firmly planted in place. This revelation rolled over him from head to toe and he moved from the waves of it. His skin turned flushed and you could see the half amusement half disbelief on his expression. At last his hands lifted to cover his face with another, drawn out, “oh my god, this is so—” His voice grew muffled and from under his hands, out came, “so, so embarrassing. What the hell, Dad?”

His hands lifted. His eyes were wide and that pinkness was still coloring his cheeks, making the flush of his skin look quite pretty and you responded with a wide smile that you had no control over.

He was looking into your face and the movement in him seemed to settle the longer he looked at you. It took a few moments of it for your wide smile to even out and you looked into his face with tiny remnants of that delight returning with tiny twitches at the corners of your lips.

On his face, you witnessed the opposite happening, his embarrassment faded and with the quiet observations of you that he so openly partook in, you saw the first small hints of a smile beginning on his lips. He breathed through an open mouth and his lips pulled incrementally wider with each puff of air from his lungs until a genuine and breathtaking smile colored his beautiful face.

It was your favorite smile on your favorite face belonging to your favorite human being.

“So what is your plan?” he asked. “How will you manage to seduce me?” His eyes dropped slowly over your face to touch on your lips the moment you bit down and pondered this new task of yours.

“Do you think you can really do it?”

“Hmmm…,” you lifted a finger to your chin. His brown eyes followed the movement and his smile widened before he reined it in with an inhale through his nose.

“Well, probably,” you shrugged. “Doesn’t seem that hard to steal you away.”

A laugh broke free from him and he took a step closer to where you stood.

“You sound very confident. What makes you so sure?”

You straightened your spine, lifted your chin, and you took a step, allowing yourself to lean just a bit closer to him and the movement pulled his brown eyes over your face once more. They lingered again down on your lips.

“See,” you said in a whisper. He swallowed and pulled his eyes slowly up into your smug ones, “you’re already thinking about it.”

“What am I thinking about? You and I are just talking,” he said, “besides, I’m going to marry her.”

This had you smiling. You had to turn your face away from him and you lifted your left hand, placing your fingertips over your bottom lip briefly.

“I hear she doesn’t even wear a ring,” you said as you lifted an eyebrow, “can’t be that serious without a ring.”

You were joking of course. It had only been one day. Just last night you’d spontaneously agreed to marry him, and he had, of course, spontaneously asked you as you were both caught up the moment. Your joke had his attention though and you heard a sharp inhale pulled in through his nose.

You caught motion in his mouth as his tongue ran over his teeth and after witnessing the evidence of a few of his internal struggles he broke all eye contact with you and looked somewhere behind you where your office desk was.

“That’s just because she hasn’t looked inside the right drawer of her desk yet.” His eyes pulled back into yours and your mouth flew open in genuine surprise. You gave a small head shake and looked behind toward your desk.

He couldn’t be serious.

The little bubble that was this little charade popped in an instant and you looked into his face. He had the smallest smile there.

“Are you kidding me right now?” You were back to yourself; taking a step to walk away from him so you could round the side of your desk. You pulled at the desk drawer handle, finding the upper smaller drawer completely empty save for a few flat documents in yellow folders. You gave a little whine from the back of your throat and closed it up.

Baekhyun’s face was blank now; completely devoid of any clues as to what sort of a trick he was playing on you.

Your curiosity had grown to be too much and you reached lower, having to bend at the waist to pull the bigger bottom drawer open and inside sat a small bag; a strikingly familiar bag; the same bag he had been carrying with him when he came back from lunch and had received a delivery from one of your favorite bakeries down the corner.

You grabbed the bag and peered down inside, seeing one very delicious looking chocolate cake slice in a completely clear plastic clamshell container without anything else at all concealed inside the bag.

A motion to your side nagged at your focus and a sensation that gripped ahold of your empty left hand pulled your face out of this bakery bag with nothing more than a slice of cake and you searched for him for any clues at all about what he was playing at.

What you felt was something small pressed with his fingertips into the palm of your left hand; something cold and metal and heart fluttering.

You felt him lean into you then; the warmth of him touched your cheek and his lips pressed lightly against your earlobe as you heard the rasp of his lungs as he inhaled to speak to you.

“Excuse me, I think you dropped this,” he said into your ear and inside your hand he left a ring behind. You felt the trembling in your limbs as you lifted your hand to see it and you had to place the bakery bag down on your desk because it was rattling in your grip.

With your left hand lifted and cradled by your right hand you held the precious little thing up to your face; somehow not quite convinced you weren’t actually dreaming right now. Sure you knew he had asked you and yes you had agreed but there was a different more certain emotion that was bubbling up inside of your chest right now as you looked down at the sparkling diamond and you couldn’t help the tiny question that broke from your lips, “Baekhyun are you serious? This is mine?”

He was moving then. He reached for the ring with his fingertips and his other hand gently gripped your left hand and turned it over and you watched as he slid the diamond into your ring finger. It was beautiful. The center stone was enormous and the trailing diamonds that lined the band threw sparks as you moved your hand. You couldn’t pull your eyes away from the undeniable sparkle and opulence that you saw in this thing. You didn’t even want to imagine how much he had paid for this. It was so much more that you had even anticipated

“When did you even get this? We’ve been together all day and even all night; how did you do this?”

“Don’t ask me how long I’ve had it, or how long I’ve been carrying it with me,” he said as he watched your face. Inside his eyes you were caught in a myriad of emotions that were clear and evident. You were captured by the sincerity with which he spoke these words to you.

It took what was left of your breath away, “Just know that for as long as I’ve known of your existence in this world, you have been the one. I was always going to marry you. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life, as I am about you.”

[to be continued]

Links: Part 1, … Part 16, Part 17, Part 18

[transmutationisms]

i am the world's biggest wikipedia defender (especially against people who say that it's unreliable) because, while i know it's not infallible (is anything, though?), it is peer-reviewed. once, my friend edited the othello page to include a joke we had made and she got her account banned. how do you reckon with wikipedia as a source of knowledge? my understanding of it is that it can serve as a good base for things, but learning never stops and one should read as many sources as possible to gain a fuller understanding of whatever they want to know about. this is a very long-winded way of asking your opinions on wikipedia. my apologies, and i hope today is alright for you :~)

wikipedia obviously gets a lot of flak for the fact that anyone can edit it, which means that people certainly can and do check each other's work, but also that anybody with an axe to grind or just a poor understanding of a subject can potentially really distort the presentation of that topic. there have been some high-profile cases of bad and even dangerous editorialising, like the woman who basically single-handedly is trying to correct a whole bunch of pages for former nazis that really whitewashed their legacies and cited various antisemitic and white supremacist sources to do so. i think it would be foolish to claim that crowdsourced knowledge is inherently accurate, fair, nuanced, &c. wikipedia replicates the biases people put into it, and just having more people edit it doesn't instantly 'average them out' because yknow, we're often talking about widely held positions or prejudices that have also caused distortions in many of the cited sources. also, wikipedia has many more gaps than most people realise, partly because an encyclopedia is necessarily a massive undertaking and also because, by design, it excludes eg oral traditions, non-literate people, &c.

however i do find a lot of wikipedia criticism annoying because it will usually involve trying to counterpose wikipedia to approved academic channels of knowledge production, specifically in a way that sets academic institutions and publishing as an intellectual gold standard that crowd knowledge simply can't compete with. academia is not some kind of magical solution to problems of distortion and bias; academics have their own ways of perpetuating and rationalising prejudices, and reinforcing rather than challenging each other's epistemological authority and laziest, most harmful assumptions. not to mention that many shitty wikipedia articles do actually cite approved academic sources published by university presses! because these characteristics do not actually guarantee that a source is good, only that it passed quality control at a reactionary institution lol.

ultimately i approach wikipedia basically the same way i approach any academic text, which is to say i have to read both with attention to how the arguments are being developed, what evidence they rely on, what ideological assumptions are being made or defended, and so forth. i can't really think of a source or genre of source that i would endorse just reading and uncritically believing; in that sense i certainly agree with people who point out the major potential for inaccuracy in wikipedia articles, only i think this line of criticism is totally useless and blatantly elitist if it simply exempts 'respectable' academic sources or presumes institutional channels of knowledge to be epistemologically infallible.

anyway i use wikipedia to check dates of major events and it's sometimes useful or intriguing simply to see what about a topic interested people enough to write an entry about it. but i don't automatically trust any arguments or analyses in wikipedia articles, any more than i would the thesis of any nonfiction book i pick up.

[max1461]

To be honest, I have to say anecdotally that the culture I have observed in tech spaces my whole life is quite off-putting to me in a bunch of ways, many of which I think could be fairly described as "authoritarianism". As an early teen I was really into computers, and variously wanted to grow up to be a game dev or a penetration tester, but the culture of all the tech spaces that I encountered really put me off. I gravitated to math in part, I think, for reasons similar to those that initially drew me to computers, but it had a culture that I felt much more at home in. There were many reasons I gravitated to math, but this was one of them.

I felt alienated by the relentless prescriptivism of tech culture. Everything had to be an ought-question, a question of "should" or "must". In math there are no ought-question, or barely any—only is-questions. I like that. I'm a curious person and I think the world is beautiful. But tech spaces always felt to me like they were full of people who did not see beauty in all the phenomena of the world, but who wanted instead to see everything that was not to their liking eliminated. Whether it was arguments over linux distros or programming languages or whatever, it always felt to me like the ideas of personal preference and live-and-let-live were simply foreign to a lot of tech people.

I don't know why this is. Maybe it's selective effects—the kind of people who love to optimize code love to "optimize" everything. But maybe it's just a coincidence. Maybe I just interacted with the wrong people. I don't know.

There is a set of tweets going around saying, in so many words, "STEM people are authoritarians". Well, I'm a STEM person and I'm not an authoritarian, so I admit that I feel a little offended by that. But I think there is a version of the claim "STEM people are authoritarians" that I feel like I have personal experience with. Certain spaces within STEM do feel characterized by, as I said, a kind of relentless prescriptivism, a war of all against all to make everybody do things Exactly How I Do Them. And it's tiring and deeply off-putting to me. And yeah, I do see people apply this mentality politics, where I think it results in predictable awful policy prescriptions.

I should say though that this is not exclusively a thing I see in tech. I've also seen something which feels very subjectively similar in a lot of humanities spaces, especially of the lit-crit/media analysis cluster as opposed to like, the history/philosophy/etc. cluster. You probably know what I'm talking about. The constant arms race to be the most "radical" (as if academics are in any real sense radical activists), to use all the right terminology, etc. etc. It feels the same to me. Just as angry and micromanaging and just as much of a strain on my psyche.

Well anyway. There are, I think, real critiques to be made of the culture of "STEM", and I am personally invested in making them. But they should not be made by people who seem more interested in advancing an academic interdepartmental culture war than in seeing things improve. Idk.

[acourtofthought]

Hi! I sent you an ask a couple of days ago and I'm not sure if you saw it because it was just before mother's day (btw, belated happy mother's day!!), but I'm interested in your opinion so I'm sending it again.

Although, if you simply didn't want to answer that particularly ask I'll understand and I apologize in advance for any inconvenience.

I've seen some Elriels using the line 'that love would trump even a mating bond' as some kind of foreshadowing or even a confirmation of their ship, but it's kind of starting to irritate me because I really can see it making a reference to Elucien.

Maybe I'm so desperate for an announcement that I'm grasping at any possible crumbs, but here's my logic:

Feyre and Nesta ran away from their mating bond the moment they found out or were confronted about it because it was the last shred of their humanity to hold. Imagine this situation amplified with Elain, who loved being human and the mundane things correlated with her humanity.

I can see her in denial regarding the bond until the last minute, but what she will not be able to control is the love she will eventually feel and nurture for Lucien once she gets the chance to really know him. It'll be her love for him, their love, that will finally allow her to overcome her prejudice against the bond and to finally be open to the magical, sacred, and eternal tie she has with Lucien.

So love would indeed trump a mating bond.

I'm sorry for my delay in responding and thank you for the Mothers Day wishes ❤️

It is a silly argument, isn't it? It's their big catch phrase to try to make E/riel more romantic than they are but with Sarah's writing, love always trumps the mating bond especially because as you said the mating bond is the thing that often puts a wedge between the FMC and MMC (at least in the ACOTAR series). To your point, Feyre was nearly ready to open her heart to Rhys then ran away from him when she found out about the bond. Nesta was willing to love Cassian but got into a big fight with him when he tried to call her mate. Elain is avoiding Lucien for the sole fact that they have a bond.

So these sisters are not picking these guys because they have a mating bond when it's the thing they are running from. The mating bond is the equivalent of a meet cute, fate saying "Hey!! This is someone I think you should meet!" but it's not the reason any of them fall in love. They fall in love for who the person is, their bravery, their kindness, their selflessness, etc.

How can E/riel's love trump a mating bond when it can't even trump a regular kind of love? I've never read Az or Elain giving a single reason for why they have feelings for the other. Elain has never spoken of Azriel's kindness towards her or his bravery. Az has never mentioned Elain's intelligence, humor or her bravery. I couldn't give you a single canon reason for what they like about the other whereas in the Cassian bonus he noted Nesta's steel and cunning mind. Where Rhys tells us he fell in love with Feyre, not because she was his mate, but because she wasn't afraid of him and she was defiant towards Amarantha. The Az bonus would have been a perfect time for us to witness exactly what it is they're drawn too but instead we have Az letting Rhys think he just wants her because he's jealous he didn't get a bond, that he was preparing to use her in place of a pleasure hall, we have him noting GWYN'S charming irreverence. And in the actual book we have Elain giving credit to Feyre for her rescue, Az claiming Elain shouldn't search for the trove with Amren reprimanding him and Az giving credit to Nesta for killing the king in HOFAS. So I am truly left confused because I don't see either of them saying anything complimentary about the other. Az likes how she looks and that she got him a gift but beyond that.....?????

And really, love on its own can't trump love with a mating bond because without a bond it's just love.

Not that there is anything wrong with "just love" but it's kind of like saying we're both eating brownies when in fact mine is a brownie sundae.

Brownie's are delicious, no one is turning their nose up at a brownie. But if my brownie has ice cream and hot fudge and whipped cream, there is something that sets my brownie apart from yours and no matter how good your brownie is, you still can't call your brownie a brownie sundae.

Love is love and all of it is beautiful.

But love WITH a mating bond is always going to be something a little extra and trying to spin it any other way is simply someone pretending they are eating ice cream with their brownie when they are actually not.

At present Elain and Lucien only have a mating bond, not love with a mating bond. But if their characters fall in love in one of the next books, they would have the brownie sundae, not just a brownie and the same cannot be said for e/riel.

[txxxciii]

hmm today I will reveal my personal favorite ships in welcome home

if you disagree with me it's fine, just keep in mind not everyone's ships are the same

Wally and Barnaby: the first ever ship I thought of when joining the fandom. My initial thought was that the basic formula of "two best friends" and "size difference" would definitely be a win-win for the fandom, but I was actually quite surprised to see some people who despise this ship, claiming it to be "zoophilic". Needless to say that I haven't heard or seen such argument against the Fluffybird (Red Guy and Duck from DHMIS) ship, but oh well. Anyways, I just think they're very neat and could definitely be classified as a "best childhood friend who have a little something going on" dynamic. And! While I mostly see these two as mutual pining partners, I can totally view them as a simple platonic "two guys being besties and having fun"! Also I don't know if any Welcome Home ships have names, but I saw someone call this pairing Wallaby and I think I'll go with that :)

Frank and Julie: now, listen to me on this one please. I know perfectly well Frank and Eddie are a canon couple, and I'm down with that! It's just that I'm a sucker for a more platonic-romantic kind of pairing between best friends. They just seem so funky together and have the good ol' "opposites attracts" dynamic with them. Again, same case as Wallaby, I ship these two romantically, but cool with them just being pals. There isn't enough male and female friendship representation in media, and I personally believe that Frank and Julie are a good example of such. My heart just simply melts whenever a Frank/Julie art appears on my feed, it's so wholesome and soft..

Howdy and Poppy: ... okay. I don't really have enough evidence to backup this one but uh. My brain just went and created this pairing in my head and I absolutely love it. JUST GENERALLY SPEAKING both of them have a parental vibe, and the contrast between a huge green guy with multiple limbs and a giant bird with mostly red feathers is just.. pleasing for my eyes (complementary colors! complementary colors!). While the fandom widely agrees that Poppy is a "worried mom friend of the group", I haven't seen anyone say that Howdy is much of an "outgoing dad friend of the group". Personality wise they'd make a pleasant dynamic and with how both of them basically take care of others in their own ways could be played out too. And just AHHHH thinking about them makes my brain very happy!!!! if no one draws fanart of them I WILL (threat).

[vouam]

just found this guy’s answer to a question on quora (“is misandry a problem in the US?” or something of that nature) and was wondering what your reaction to it would be. there are some points i wouldn’t be sure how to refute, though it’s certainly not enough to change my radfem beliefs lol. i’ll copy and paste it since i can’t send ss in anon

Q:“is misandry prevalent in today’s society?”

A:“I would say so.

Woman: doesn't want a child so she secretly aborts it.

Man: doesn't want a child and is forced to pay child support for 18 years while being ridiculed as a dead beat dad

Woman: my body, my choice

Man: has his genitals forcibly mutilated for no good reason at birth

Woman: free drinks at the club on ladies night

Man: there is no men's night. Drink prices increase to cover all the free drinks ladies get

Woman: oh please keep yourself safe

Man: forced to sign up for selective services (a.k.a. draft) at 18.

Woman: complains about low paying job

Men: 67% of work place injuries happen to men, 93% of work place fatalities happen to men. No one bats an eye

Woman: mostly automatically given custody of children no matter what

Men: you can see your children on the weekend only and pay for child support

Man: simply accused of abusing a woman and goes straight to jail.

Woman: beats the man senseless and if the man defends himself goes to jail. If he doesn't defend himself he still might go to jail or if he is lucky police will tell him to quit making a big deal about it. Has 1 place in the country to go to for sheltering battered men despite the fact that women are the perpetrators of domestic violence some 40% of the time. Woman, have countless battered women shelters to go to.

Man: gets raped by woman at gun point being forced to give oral sex and held captive for days. Society has a good laugh

Woman: gets raped and her perpetrator is rightfully punished. No one is laughing about it. Woman gets psychological help and all kinds of assistance from society. Also if she makes false accusations of rape, ruining a man's life, no one says a thing about it and she is free to go on accusing.

Men: penalties for the same crime as women are much longer sentences.

Men: comprise 60 some % of homeless population

Men: comprise of a majority of suicides

I could go on but it's only going to anger the feminazis more and more”

reading crap like this makes me so mad tbh, like i understand moids don’t have easy lives just because they’re moids but GOOD FUCKING GRIEF it’s like they just can’t fucking get enough of acting like society wasn’t built by men for men. 🙏🙏 sorry it just gets me upset. anyway love ur blog!!

Oooof this is a really great ask so thank you for sending this in! I guess I’ll approach this by answering each one individually (although I might repeat myself)

Men pay child support while women can just have an abotion

This is a very strange argument. Because firstly not every country has fully legal abortions. 47 countries only allow it for health reasons, 43 to save the mother’s life and 22 it is fully illegal. A lot of men like this seem to forget that there are other countries on this planet. I’d personally rather be the gender that has to pay child support for an unwanted baby. Even in the case of legal abortions, abortions are not easy to go through. It is mentally very difficult and can be an invasive procedure. Women are shamed for having abortions in every country, even the most ‘accepting’ places.

Circumcision

I am very against circumcision and this was probably his most valid point(?) But his point excludes the fact that FGM is practiced in many countries and cultures. And while male circumcision is usually done for religious reasons claiming its ‘hygienic’ and has little to no bad side effects while FGM can kill women and girls, and is done for far more malicious reasons that I can’t even begin to describe.

Men’s drinks night

Does he know the implications of what ‘buying a woman a drink’ means?? Yeah, I’d much rather be a man in this situation 😭

Drafted at 18

I am against anyone being drafted, and I’m against any military work period. But men made this rule because they deem men to be brave and strong - a stereotype designed to benefit them.

Work place injuries and fatalities

Most injuries and fatalities happen with manual labour, construction/factory work etc. Same stereotype as listed in the point before this.

Custody over children

Again, this happens due to a stereotype that benefits men. Women are ‘better parents/nurturing’ while men are not and should go out there and work and achieve their goals while women stay at home. Literally designed to benefit men. Also, a lot of men view the custody struggle as a privilege because they cannot be bothered to be fathers.

Going to prison because of a simple accusation and less abuse shelters for men

This is the craziest point because men do not go to prison over some random accusation pulled out from thin air. In order to accuse someone of abuse, you need extensive indisputable evidence. Even then, the police will not take it seriously or the defence will win the case for whatever reason. These are the hardest crimes to prove in a court and the statistics show this. Less abuse shelters for men because they are far FAR less likely to be a victim. Yes, its’s sad but this literally proves misogyny is a thing rather than misandry - because I know damn well which sex I’d rather be in this instance.

People laugh at male rape victims and women are given full support/legal justice

I addressed this in the previous point. Women are ridiculed and not believed/not given justice at an extremely higher rate than men.

Longer male prison sentences

Same stereotype that I’ve said before about being stronger/braver vs weak/nurturing. The stereotype was made to benefit them. Also this ignores that a lot of the time there are other aspects to a crime that result in a higher sentence given. For example 1st degree murder done for financial motive vs sexual motive.

Larger male homeless population and male suicide rate

I guess this is more of a question of why men are more likely to be homeless or commit suicide. Make suicide rate studies suggest it’s harder for men to admit mental health struggles/reach out for help. Again, it’s sad but the strong brave stereotype was designed to benefit them, like I’ve said before. Permanent homelessness is largely due to addiction, mental health, childhood poverty, financial crisis, loss of relationships to family/partner. These can all happen to women, except a lot of the female homeless population are trafficked, resort to prostitution, enter abusive relationships to escape the streets. In a lot of countries, people seem to think its 99% men that are homeless, but its usually not. You just typically only see male homeless people sitting/sleeping on the street in public spaces - that’s a more terrifying place for a woman to be compared to a man.

—

I guess this guy’s main problems is that he:

- Thinks USA/Europe/western countries are the only places that exist

- Can’t see that bad things that happen to men are actually a result of stereotypes designed to benefit the male population

- Makes up statistics in his head that aren’t true

- Has a crazy victim complex

- Can’t see that the women’s position in his scenario is actually worse

I hope this helps with any future debates and refutes! And I hope I explained myself well enough 😭

[rantceratops]

So here’s my thing: I personally don’t care if those that think Wally dying was a great decision that had so much meaning and sacrifice think he should stay dead.

I personally will never be okay with the decision, and frankly if that’s just because I’m an irrational Wally West fan and Spitfire shipper, then so be it, I won’t claim otherwise and I’ll hang onto my irrationality. Wally West shouldn’t have been killed permanently. The show feels weird to me without him, and to be honest it just makes me think of the Justice League episode where the League basically turned evil because Wally was killed. I don’t have any real good argument against him dying from a narrative standpoint right now other than we know for a fact he was chosen just because it would hurt the most, but as I said, I’ll fully admit I’m simply forever pissed such a beloved character was offed. If someone has actual good insight on his death being bs, feel free to share. (Even if it’s not narrative bs, I still think it’s bs.)

All this being said: I don’t think I actually want Wally to come back anymore at this point in the series if it were to continue with a s5. I think they wasted too much time and now it would just be far too much misery. Wally would be so far out of everyone’s lives it would be almost impossible to reconnect and re-insert himself back into life(which would likely cause him severe mental health issues, yay), and I don’t think he and Artemis would be able to get back together(not that they have to, but as a shipper I’d have ideally wanted this outcome eventually). I just feel like they wasted their chance. S4 should have done it, it felt like the final opportunity, but they didn’t, and so I’m sadly off the train for him coming back, unless someone has a convincing argument that any of this could still work out.

I feel at this point that nothing short of time travel, dimension hopping, or a full ass reset could fix it, tbh.

Like, is it even worth it for him to come back at this point? Would he be able to be happy again?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a Wally truther and a Spitfire shipper through and through, but I just finally got tired of it when s4 ended and nothing happened.

At least we have our brains, fanart, fanfic, aus, etc.

(And for the record, as much as I love YJ I promise any grievances with the show post-season 1 go beyond feeling cheated out of Wally existing.)

(Edit: Wanted to add that the angst, drama, and eventual fluff that could have happened if they’d brought Wally back sooner/at all could have been delicious. Him working through his trauma, he and Artemis being so unsure of where they stand, so much time has passed, but eventually slowly coming back together and realizing they still have feelings, even if they’ve changed, they still love each other and they want to try and let things happen how they happen, etc. RIP)

(Edit 2: Am I talking about this in 2024? Yes, yes I am.)

(Edit 3: It kind of pissed me off that s4 has such a huge issue of pretending to kill characters off, but then they wind up being fine (Conner, Dick, Rocket, everyone on the ship when it crashed) but somehow Wally MUST stay dead. Why, exactly? No one else fucking does. (Not that I want anyone to stay dead tbh.) It just kind of felt like a slap in the face. Wally died and Artemis was heartbroken? Haha but Conner gets to be okay and he and Megan get married, because fuck you.)

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Steve Stewart-Williams

Published: May 30, 2024

A new paper in the journal Kyklos finds no reliable associations between people’s star signs and their happiness, health, work satisfaction, financial satisfaction, or marital happiness.

Drawing on data from 12,791 participants in the General Social Survey, the paper found that star signs explain less than 0.3% of the variance in people’s responses. To be fair, 0.3% isn’t 0%. However, the paper also found that if you randomly assign people a number from 1 to 12, those numbers “explain” just as much of the variance as the star signs. This suggests that the explained variance is really just random wobble, and that actually star signs explain nothing at all.

Needless to say, these aren’t the first findings to challenge the predictive power of astrology. There are many other examples, some as amusing as they are enlightening.

One of my favorites comes from Christian Rudder, co-founder of the dating website OKCupid. Rudder analyzed data from 500,000 users to see if their star signs predicted who they matched with. Nope! Star signs had zero effect on how compatible people were.

Another example comes from the mathematician and entrepreneur Spencer Greenberg, who compared the predictive power of zodiac signs to that of the Big 5 personality traits for 37 important life outcomes. You can read about the findings here and here, but the basic message is captured nicely in the following graph.

Here’s an excerpt from an open-access astronomy textbook, discussing various other empirical tests of astrology.

In a fine example of such a test, two statisticians examined the reenlistment records of the United States Marine Corps. We suspect you will agree that it takes a certain kind of personality not only to enlist, but also to reenlist in the Marines. If sun signs can predict strong personality traits - as astrologers claim - then those who reenlisted (with similar personalities) should have been distributed preferentially in those one or few signs that matched the personality of someone who loves being a Marine. However, the reenlisted were distributed randomly among all the signs. More sophisticated studies have also been done, involving full horoscopes calculated for thousands of individuals. The results of all these studies are also negative: none of the systems of astrology has been shown to be at all effective in connecting astrological aspects to personality, success, or finding the right person to love. Other tests show that it hardly seems to matter what a horoscope interpretation says, as long as it is vague enough, and as long as each subject feels it was prepared personally just for him or her. The French statistician Michel Gauquelin, for example, sent the horoscope interpretation for one of the worst mass murderers in history to 150 people, but told each recipient that it was a “reading” prepared exclusively for him or her. Ninety-four percent of the readers said they recognized themselves in the interpretation of the mass murderer’s horoscope. Geoffrey Dean, an Australian researcher, reversed the astrological readings of 22 subjects, substituting phrases that were the opposite of what the horoscope actually said. Yet, his subjects said that the resulting readings applied to them just as often (95%) as the people to whom the original phrases were given.

This video shows the magician and skeptic James Randi conducting a similar experiment.

None of these findings should be surprising, of course; there’s no reason at all to think that star signs would predict anything other than people’s answer to the question “What’s your star sign?” Still, it’s good to have decent data to help persuade the undecided that astrology is simply bunk.

And if they’re still not persuaded, perhaps xkdc’s economic argument against astrology and other pseudoscientific beliefs will finally tip the scales…

You can access a free copy of the star-signs-and-wellbeing paper here.

Follow Steve on Twitter/X.

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Anyone who thinks astrology is real doesn't understand even the most basic things about how the universe works. Their understanding is equivalent to believing that Earth is the center of the universe, and the sun orbits it.