#skeletor trained in hell

[the-most-humble-blog]

<div style="white-space:pre-wrap"> <meta flex-status="undead monster gains"> <script>ARCHIVE_TAG="SATURDAY_MUSCLE_TRUTH_011::SKELETOR_REDEMPTION_FILE" EFFECT: childhood rewritten, villainous inspiration spike, trap respect enforcement </script>

🛐 HE-MAN TRIED TO TRICK US: SKELETOR WAS SWOLE AS F☰☰K TOO

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Let’s talk about the biggest muscle-based misinformation campaign of your childhood—right up there with Santa Claus and “milk builds strong bones.”

They told us He-Man was the only alpha.

Sword. Glow-up. Tan. Blond Jesus in a fur Speedo.

But meanwhile, Skeletor was out here yoked beyond belief, cackling through war crimes while casually bench-pressing trauma in a hood held up by pure trap density.

💀 SKELETOR’S SWOLE ANATOMY: FACTS THEY HID FROM YOU

📏 Shoulders for days That man could shoulder-press Castle Grayskull without flinching.

💪 Biceps of Doom His staff had a full-on ram skull on it. That’s not plastic. That’s plate-loaded evil.

🧼 Abs for Eternity You could do your laundry on that torso. Not a single soft edge. Just pure bone-deep hypertrophy.

🟣 THE DOUBLE STANDARD: HE-MAN vs. THE GRIND

He-Man had a magic sword that gave him gains on command. Transformation cheat code activated.

Skeletor? No shortcuts. No enchantments. Just rage-fueled compound lifts and villainous macros.

He stayed cut year-round. No off-season. No excuses. Just delts, drama, and diabolical volume training.

🧠 THE REAL GYM INSPIRATION: SKELETOR

🦴 No skin? No problem. You try deadlifting with exposed jawbone and no rotator cuffs.

🛑 No fans. No pity. No quit. He didn’t need a support circle. He had haters, and that was enough.

🎯 Consistency > Catchphrase He lost every episode but never once skipped leg day.

He-Man had magic. Skeletor had mind-muscle connection and pain tolerance from hell.

📢 THE REAL LESSON HE-MAN HID FROM YOU

"You don’t need a magic sword to be powerful. You just need to lift. Daily. Even while plotting universal domination."

Skeletor was proof:

You don’t have to win to be legendary

You don’t need applause to be aesthetic

You don’t need fans to build delts that make minions cower

And sometimes? Being the bad guy just means you train alone harder.

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👊 STOP SLEEPING ON SKELETOR

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They painted him as a joke. A clown. A screeching skeleton in purple briefs.

But real ones know:

That wasn’t a villain. That was a walking masterclass in perseverance, hypertrophy, and trap worship.

He didn’t flinch. He didn’t shrink. He kept showing up—jacked, angry, fabulous.

That’s not evil. That’s discipline in its rawest, baddest form.

---

🔁 Reblog if you respect the traps that ate Skeletor’s hood 🦴 Save this for the next gym bro who forgets the power of villain arc aesthetics 📸 Share it with someone who thought He-Man was the only one with “The Power” 💀 Bookmark if your childhood just got corrected by hypertrophy and humor 🧠 Follow for more childhood myth destruction and psychosexual cartoon analysis

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[we-do-bones-bracket]

Who did bones the best?

here are the finalized brackets! the tournament will be split into two brackets. the finalists of both will go up against each other to determine the winner. characters who were the most popular during submissions will join in round 2

rules & guidelines

about spoilers

matches under cut!

Abraham "Brom Bones" van Brunt (Headless: A Sleepy Hollow Story) vs. Skull (One Piece)

Laudna (Critical Role) vs. Sese Kitsugai (Len'en Project)

Benny (Halloweentown) vs. Enki Ankarian (Fear & Hunger)

Stalhorse (The Legend of Zelda) vs. Skeleton Horse (Minecraft)

Skeleton Mob (Minecraft) vs. Stallord (The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess)

Ryuk (Death Note) vs. Sam Day Break (Paradise Killer)

Adalman (That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime) vs. Hero's Shade/Hero's Spirit (The Legend of Zelda)

Sir Daniel Fortesque (MediEvil) vs. Skeletor (He-Man)

The Forgotten (Binding of Isaac) vs. Countess Ariadne de Winter (Til Death Do Us Bard)

Kel'thuzad (Warcraft) vs. Christopher Flores (Wayward Children)

The Lich King/Arthas Menethil (Warcraft) vs. Bones (Johannes Cabal the Necromancer)

Toro Muerto (The Book of Life) vs. Yodomi Arakawa (Skeleton Double)

Immortan Joe (Mad Max Fury Road) vs. Laika (Laika: Aged Through Blood)

Clinkz (DOTA 2) vs. Nelliel Tu Odelschwanck (Bleach)

Ianthe Tridantarius (The Locked Tomb) vs. Zenon Zogratis (Black Clover)

Palamedes Sextus (The Locked Tomb) vs. Ketheric Thorm (Baldur's Gate 3)

Ruth Fleming (Nerdy Prudes Must Die) vs. Dr. Bones Cookie (Cookie Run)

Misetani Box (Dai Dark) vs. Frank (Generation Loss)

Shimada Death (Dai Dark) vs. Bone (Warriors)

Kurloz Makara (Homestuck) vs. Mamà Imelda (Coco)

Jake English (Homestuck) vs. Hector (Coco)

SkullBaluchimon (Digimon) vs. Skullgreymon (Digimon)

SkullKnightmon (Digimon) vs. Jolly Roger

Cubone (Pokémon) vs. Ryme (Pokémon Scarlet and Violet)

Skeletal Dragon (The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim) vs. Boneknapper (How to Train Your Dragon)

Shinnok (Mortal Kombat) vs. Hector (Castlevania)

Lady Micte (Maya and the Three) vs. Conway (Kentucky Route Zero)

Veralidaine "Daine" Sarrasi (The Immortal Quartet) vs. Pious Augustus (Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Requiem)

Zélie Adebola (Children of Blood and Bone) vs. SkekMal the Hunter (The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance)

The Hound (RWBY) vs. Nuckelavee (RWBY)

Nina Zenik (Six of Crows) vs. Undertaker (Black Butler)

Yorick (Hamlet) vs. Pale Rider (Persona)

Skelita Calaveras (Monster High) vs. Hell Biker (Persona)

Nico Di Angelo (Percy Jackson) vs. Bone Ravage (Fortnite)

Death (Discworld) vs. Mort (Hello from the Hallowoods)

Acererak (Dungeons & Dragons) vs. Skid (Spooky Month)

Boneyard (Dungeons & Dragons) vs. Lord Hater (Wonder Over Yonder)

Necrodeus (Kirby Mass Attack) vs. Jack Skellington (The Nightmare Before Christmas)

Skelly (Hades) vs. Nagash (Warhammer Fantasy Battle)

Lady Bone Demon (Lego Monkie Kid) vs. Dry Bowser (Mario)

King (The Owl House) vs. Dry Bones (Mario)

Dyre Ode/Dyre Owed (Friends at the Table) vs. The Children of the Hydra's Teeth (Jason and the Argonauts (1963))

Qiu Congxue (Devil Venerable Also Wants to Know) vs. Death (The Arcana)

Kimimaro Kaguya (Naruto) vs. Gold Skull (The Sexy Brutale)

Death the Kid (Soul Eater) vs. Keyes (Fairy Tail)

Skull Knight (Berserk) vs. Director Bones (DC Comics) Bone (One Punch Man)

Lord Death Man (DC Comics) vs. Mister Bones (DC Comics)

Death (Horrible Histories) vs. Ebisu (Dorohedoro)

Skeleton (I Spy Spooky Mansion) vs. Skullomania/Saburo Nishikoyama (Street Fighter EX)

Skull Man (Mega Man) vs. SkullMan.exe (Mega Man)

A Real Magic Skeleton (OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes) vs. Skully (Scary Godmother)

Marquis (Parahumans) vs. Morgo (Little Misfortune)

Señor Huseo (Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) vs. Brian Laborn/Grue (Parahumans)

Grim (The Grim Adventures) vs. Pluto (Library of Ruina)

Queen Rohaan (Watermelon) vs. Kamen Raider Genm/Kuroto Dan (Kamen Rider Ex-Aid)

Fone Bone (Bone) vs. Smiley Bone (Bone) vs. Phonciple P. "Phoney" Bone (Bone)

[kpop-stories-21]

Adventure section | Jungle Trouble

Group: ATEEZ

Pairing: Mingi x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Rating: 18-21+

Genres + AUs: Non-Idol AU, Indiana Jones AU, Smut

Content & Trigger Warnings: Indiana Jones!Mingi, Assistant!Reader, established relationship, voyeurism, unprotected sex(wrap that shit up kids), spit as lube, everything is consensual, minor character death at the end, traumatic ending

Summary: While traversing an undiscovered jungle in search of another priceless artifact, you and Mingi expect to be stopped by a rival treasure hunter. Instead you're captured by a local tribe with an interesting way of offering freedom.

Tags: @kpop---scenarios @stardragongalaxy @jeonrose @skittlez-area512 @mybiasisexo @skeletor-ify @biaswreckingfics @anyamaris @trashlord-007 @liliesofdreamsskz @rdiamond2727 @naturalogre @thelargefrye @yoonguurt @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @sanjoongie @bxffietheblxxdy

If you want to be added to my taglist, click here

Network pings: @cacaokpop-fics | @kdiarynet

MDNI banner courtesy of @cafekitsune

Event Masterlist || Main Masterlist

Feeling somewhat rested and refreshed, you rose from the couch and made your way to the Adventure section. You were more determined than ever now that the end was in sight, and so you strode forward with purpose. You were doing this for the sake of your mom, after all.

You located the glowing book and opened it without hesitation, eyes used to the flash of white at this point.

Gentle hands shook you awake, and you were greeted with the sight of Mingi standing over you, glasses askew and suit slightly wrinkled. "We're here Y/N. Ready for some exploring?"

You sat up at once, a wide grin on your face. "I was born ready, Min!"

Collecting your things the two of you stepped off the train, breathing air far fresher than what was in the city. You followed Mingi to the hotel you'd be staying at, practically vibrating from the excitement coursing through your veins.

After checking into your room and changing into more appropriate clothing, you and Mingi began to make your way into the deep jungle, using only the map you had acquired since no guide was brave enough to take you.

Mingi had to pull out his machete almost immediately, hacking through thick vines and brush that seemed to have a life of their own. By sundown you seemed to have made no progress at all, whatever got cut down somehow grew right back up behind you.

As you set up camp and put together a quick meal you constantly felt like you were being watched, yet everytime you scanned your surroundings, you saw nothing: no shadows, no shapes in the dark, nothing but moon-touched plants and trees.

After eating it was time to rest and you snuggled up against Mingi, relishing the warmth of his large body engulfing yours and holding you close. You slept uneasily, but still woke moderately refreshed the next morning.

The middle of the jungle was quiet and unmoving, not a creature in sight. The only sounds to be heard were the soft falls of your footsteps and the sharp chink! of Mingi's machete as he cleared the path. You'd known this artifact had otherworldly powers or something similar, but you were not expecting the surrounding area to be affected like this. It was rather bizarre, and had you very much on edge.

You were so caught up in your own thoughts that you failed to notice when Mingi stopped walking, resulting in you slamming into his back.

You winced, rubbing your smushed nose as you went to stand beside him. "Jesus Min, what the hell are you…." Your voice trailed off as you caught sight of what made him stop.

Standing in front of you and blocking the way forward, were several green-skinned natives. The colour was so smooth that you couldn't tell if it was paint or just their natural skintone. Looking behind revealed another group of them blocking the way back. Puzzled, you turned back around and nearly screamed when you found one of the natives suddenly inches from your face.

"This man…he your man?" The male queried in broken English as he gestured to Mingi.

You nodded. "Yes, we are together."

The male murmured something in a strange language you surmised to be his native tongue, then spoke again.

"You…your man…must see chief." He motioned for you to follow him.

You glanced at Mingi in confusion, and he shrugged helplessly. "Might as well see what they want." He whispered. "They might even be able to tell us where the artifact is."

You nodded your agreement and the two of you stepped forward, indicating you would do as requested. The native man turned and began to lead you away.

You and Mingi followed the natives for what seemed like hours, the sun directly overhead by the time you reached the secluded village. Your guide took you straight to the largest of the huts, where a huge man was seated on a chair that greatly resembled a throne.

"This our chief. You call him Tekona. Me called Nokri."

You and Mingi both bowed to Chief Tekona, and you noticed a flash of surprise in his eyes at the respectful gesture. Clearly his past encounters with civilisation had not gone over so well.

Tekona turned to Nokri and said something in their strange language.

"Chief Tekona say you trespass. This our land, strangers no welcome."

"Please tell Chief Tekona that it was not our intention to trespass on your land, we are just passing through in search of a special treasure that is very important to the people of our village."

Nokri translated your words and listened to the chief's response.

"Chief Tekona say he no surprise you look for treasure. Many your kind come looking, none leave our village. Trespass call for punishment."

"What kind of punishment?" You inquired shakily. Mingi wrapped a comforting arm around your waist, holding you against him protectively.

"Normal punishment death. But Chief Tekona say you have heart bond with your man. Kill you would anger gods. Give different punishment, respect gods."

"So what's the punishment?" Mingi asked gruffly.

"In two day, we have ceremony to honor gods. You become one with your man, we observe as vessels of gods. After ceremony, Nokri show you where find treasure."

Despite the choppy wording, you and Mingi both knew exactly what Nokri meant. They were asking you and Mingi to fuck while all of them watched like a bunch of perverts. You opened your mouth to reject the proposal when Mingi stopped you, gazing at you seriously.

"If I have to choose between this and death, I'll gladly choose this any day. Anything that allows me to spend another day with you will always be my top priority."

Your heart swelled at his words, and you blinked back tears. "Oh Min…are you sure?"

He nodded. "Yes, my love. We will be alright, I believe I have a plan."

You smiled softly. "Alright then."

Turning back to Nokri, you informed him of the decision made. "You may tell Chief Tekona that we agree to do as he has asked."

Tekona looked pleased when your words were related back to him, and said as much.

"Chief Tekona say he pleased. Will have wife show place to stay."

A short young woman who looked close to your age came out from behind Tekona's throne and approached you shyly.

"Her called Wyveria. She fourth wife of Chief Tekona."

You smiled kindly. "That's a lovely name."

Wyveria nods in acknowledgement before leading the two of you to an empty hut near the village centre. Once inside you all but collapsed on the straw bed, Mingi coming over to lay behind you and hold you close. You both fell asleep immediately.

The two days before the ceremony passed quickly, and you awoke that morning with a snake of dread in your belly. You were trying your hardest to stay positive, trusting that whatever Mingi had in mind would make the whole ordeal more bearable.

Wyveria came for you at noon on the dot. You could feel your hands beginning to shake, but Mingi quickly took them in his own and held them tight. Not for the first time, you thanked your lucky stars that Mingi was such a protective and adoring man.

The villagers were all gathered together, leaving an empty space in the midst of the large circle they had formed. Once you and Mingi came into sight, everyone suddenly vanished. Out of some unseen place came Nokri's voice.

"Chief Tekona say maybe easier if you not see us. Make you forget we here."

"Tell him it is much appreciated, and we thank him."

Silence stretched through the air for a long moment as you and Mingi faced each other. Then he leaned forward and kissed you deeply, the heat of his embrace igniting a fire under your skin.

"Damn." You muttered after parting for air. "This might be easier than I thought."

Mingi chuckled. "Then let's get these off you, yeah?"

He kissed your cheek before slipping your blouse over your head. Settling onto the ground, he gently pulled you into his lap. A hand came up to massage one breast while he took the other in his mouth, licking and sucking your nipple. You sighed out a moan, fingers tangling in his hair.

"Relaxed yet, my love?" Mingi looked up at you with a cheeky grin.

"Mmm, very." You replied, smirking.

"Time to kick things up a notch, then."

Carefully, he laid you back on the smooth stone and pulled off your trousers and panties.

"Fuck, love, you're soaked. Been a while since we had some fun, huh?"

"Too long. W-Wanted you for a while now, Min."

Mingi eyed you curiously as he pushed two fingers through your dripping folds.

"That so? You should have told me, you know I'd make time for you."

"I- fuck- I didn't want to bother you. Shit, right there Min. Y-You were so busy…."

He curled his fingers, hitting your sweet spot repeatedly and cutting your words off.

"You should know better than that, my love. I've told you before you will always be my first priority, no matter what."

Heat gathered in your stomach, and you knew you wouldn't last much longer. "G-God, Min, gonna cum!"

Mingi immediately removed his fingers and hurried to undo his own pants. He held out a hand to you and you knew exactly what he wanted. Gathering as much saliva into your mouth as you could, you spit into his hand. Pulling his hand back with a smirk, he coated his dick and moved to hover over you.

"Ready, love?"

"Mhn yes! Min, please, just fuck me!!"

"Of course, my love."

He set a brisk pace, not going too hard since he didn't fancy scraping your back along the stone. Still, he managed to go hard enough to have you cumming almost right away.

He worked you through your orgasm, pulling you into an upright position so he could fuck into you harder.

"Love the way you take my cock, Y/N. Always so ready for me to fuck you dumb, fill your little pussy with my cum."

He captured your lips in a searing kiss, teeth and tongues clashing as he swallowed your moans.

"Jesus, M-Min, you're gonna make me cum again!" You moaned, feeling the impending heat once more.

"Yeah? Then cum with me, my love. Let everyone know who fucks you best."

Your second orgasm crashed over you like a tsunami, pushing a scream from your lungs.

"Fuckkkk Min, oh my god!!!"

The two of you came simultaneously, nails scraping down Mingi's back as you rode out your high. Leaning forward, you pressed your forehead against his and smiled wearily.

"Love you Min."

He kissed the tip of your nose and smiled back. "Love you most Y/N."

A bucket of water and some rags appeared beside you, presumably from one of the villagers, and you let out a small laugh.

Mingi chuckled along with you, then slowly slid out and began to clean first you, then himself. He helped you get your clothes back on, then pulled you into a warm hug.

"I'm proud of you, my love." He whispered tenderly, cupping your face in his hand and smothering you with gentle kisses that had you giggling.

The following day Nokri woke you both around noon and declared he was ready to take you to the treasure. Grabbing your gear you followed him out of the village and back into the jungle.

Before long the three of you came to a large cave, and Nokri turned to you excitedly.

"This it! Treasure inside!!!"

The instant you and Mingi stepped inside the ground began to shake and rumble beneath you. Large cracks formed in the ground and you stumbled back, watching helplessly as Nokri fell into the rapidly widening abyss.

A loud cry had you turning back toward Mingi, and your heart dropped at the sight of white-knuckled hands gripping the edge desperately.

"MINGI!!"

You ran over, grabbing hold of his arms and struggling to pull him up. "I got you Min, you're not dying on my watch!"

Mingi just shook his head resignedly. "I'll be alright, love. Take this and I'll see you again soon." He shoved something into your hand and ripped his arms from your grasp.

"MINGI, NO!!!" You screamed as your fianceé fell to his death and the world washed white.

You were still screaming when Seonghwa found you on the floor, face wet with tears. It had taken a great deal of shaking to bring you back to your senses, as he was loath to slap you a second time.

"Are you well?" He asked in concern.

"No, Seonghwa, I am not fucking well right now!" You snapped, frayed nerves getting the better of you. "I just watched the man I believed to be my fianceé fall to his death!"

Seonghwa flinched at your words as if you'd hit him. "I see." He said coldly, eyes flashing purple again. Standing to his feet, he turned and stalked off without another word, leaving you in front of the Fantasy section with the uncomfortable feeling that you had just screwed up royally. 

[thebnha-auhoard]

The kettle screams as Yagi hummed, the warm pan of easy to eat food filling his safehouse with welcome fragrance. With gentle hands he lifts the weighty kettle and pours a pot of his preferred Matcha tea.

He gently sets down his set, the steam rising from his tea pet as he sits alone. Papers litter the table and walls as he pieces together yet another Attack. The Mysterious Athos always did love to cause his own Danger.

His eyes flicker as he notes another pattern, one possibly crucial.

Tap tap tap

His head jerks up, his hand grabbing the knife in his couch. The steps are almost light and imperceptible, for a Civilian. But Toshinori Yagi was not a Civilian. His lips strain as he dashes to grab his helmet.

The door creaks open..the silence strong as he grabs the intruder and presses the knife near their throat.

“So cool” a child's voice whispers behind him. Yagi looks down and almost drops the knife. The hooded child growling against his chest. The orange flares uncomfortably digging in. “I didn't think Athos would be so low as to send Children like you”

Another masked Child cackles from his table, Reading his notebook “Oh Trust me as an Angel, We would do anything but work with that murderer.” His fabric rabbit ear flopping as the child tips his head “oooh, you missed the Earthquake two years ago on the edge of Mustafa. And the Trigger Raids weren't actually his Trigger, Just getting rid of Competition.”

The Child with flares slides easily out of his Surprised grasp “oi Deku, do your thing~” the other teases. The rabbit hooded boy tips his head and and removed his lower mask

“Hello Yagi Toshinori, Villain name Nights All. Formally known as All Might in America. Trained by UA and Former Homeroom teacher Gran Torino. Possible Connections to Nana Shimura. Biggest Target of False Hero Athos. You prefer Matcha tea, missing your Stomach and half a Lung from a Fight with Athos. Oh and you once got arrested for public nudity in America due to a surprise attack and little time to stop and get dressed”

Yagi's blood chills at the knowledge “How the hell-”

He gets interrupted

“oi Jack Skeleton. We are here for a Trade. Named Ground Zero. This is Deku, we are the heads of the Children's Angels. Mk?” The Blond boy snorts “you got a target. We need that media distraction someday.”

Yagi looks the two up and down “you are rather��. Well for Teens. But, one condition. I train you. Both of you, I am not sending children out untrained. I would rather not do it anyways. But I know those looks, you won't stop.”

“Damn Right Skeletor” Ground Zero Cackles as Deku chops his Neck

“Fine. But then you are training the whole group. We get what we want. And you get your little Morals settled.”

Yagi almost shivers as the cold look from Deku settles on him but his eyes meet the others with an unspoken challenge.

Suddenly Deku smiles and jumps up “Welcome Aboard Yagi!” The other walks over and grabs Yagi's Shoulder “We'll know if you betray us” he whispers and a burning desire burst digs into his skin. “Kacchan! No, We don't burn partners!” Ground Zero Cackles again “yeah yeah, we'll contact you again Frankenstein!”

^⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠^

It only took a Week if you asked an Angel. If you ask Gran Torino he would say it was the moment that Toshinori saw Izuku's smile and Katsuki's first nickname.

They all fit like a puzzle piece, One Wacky and Chaotic puzzle. Yagi being that chaos that Bakugo's father never could. And all it took was two Kids who founded a Japan Wide youth criminal organization to break in and spiritually and Emotionally adopt him.

Now if they would stop Robbing Chain Ice cream stores at midnight.

DAY 1! a Day Late lol.

@daddecember

(⁠/⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠(⁠-⁠ω⁠-⁠) -Me and Borealis during the planning lol

[ottpopfic]

“Hey Dads!” she greets, it's only been a few months but its so good to see them.

“Hey, Piccolina” Papi greets, all smiles. He puts his hand on Skeletor’s nose to push away his head as the borse goes to bite him “Need some help with the kiddo?”

“Sure” she turns to the kids “Draco these are my dads, my Papis gonna help you down okay?”

“Kay” Draco is too busy looking all around now that his focus isn't on his sibling or the race, it's a lot to take in

Papi helps Draco down out of the saddle, bracing his leg so he can swing the other one over and then helping lower him. Katie follows the kid down and sheds her helmet as she goes, mostly because Skeletor looks to be in chomp mode now that they're no longer ready to race and Katie would like to keep people in one piece.

Dad ignores the danger of the flesh-eating demon to pull Katie into a tight hug the second he's able, she can only hug back one armed to keep control of her steed but neither of them minds. He smells like herbs and antiseptic and sun-cooked wood and shes so happy to see him, relaxing into his safe hold

“Missed you bug,” he tells her, smacking a loud kiss into her gross sweaty helmet hair “Glad you got to come early”

“Me too” she tells him, then goes to give Papi a hug as well. Skeletor nearly gets ahold of Papi’s ponytail for the ninetieth time so he gets sent back to Ah-Pa’s stables, she will call Janet later and ask her to tell the handlers to give him a treat for being a good boy

“So which one of you is the Ghost Royalty?” Draco asks, squinting at them both like the ghosts might become suddenly visible if he looks hard enough

“It's me” Dad says without missing a beat, Papi elbows him in the ribs “Ow, hey! Violence against the heir of hell here, an affront to this noble house!”

Dad is lucky he doesn't break out into hives as it's not technically a lie, he does have an underworld title after marrying Papi. It's something stupid like ‘Prince Consort’ or whatever, he only uses it to pull people's legs without having to take a Benadryl.

Papi digs his elbow in good-naturedly “Shut up you big dork” he laughs before turning to the kid “That would be me, Nico di Solace. The other one is Will”

Papi gives Draco his hand to shake, Draco looks a little star eyed as he takes it and then Dad’s offered hand

“We've heard a little bit of your adventure from Katie,” Dad tells him “Come and see me in the Infirmary once Conner gets you sorted I wanna double-check your levels”

“Are you disputing my medical work” Katie accuses, hand on her chest in mock offense “Saying I do a shoddy job? You trained me yourself and then can't trust your own pupal, for shame”

“We have better facilities” Dad all but whines, Katie blows a very mature raspberry at him making Papi hide a laugh. But in hiding his laugh it makes Papi notest what Katies wearing

“Is that my shirt?” he asks, pointing to the Ramones shirt that she totally did not steal from him

“No” she says as straight faced as she can, unfortunately her lie makes Dad sneeze the fucking snitch. This is why she never learned to lie properly she blames her Dad and his dumb allergies

Papi narrows his eyes at her “Katie-“

“WOW Draco we should go get you situated with Conner!” She says louder than necessary, taking the kid by the shoulders and steering him towards the cabins “Bye dads see you at dinner!”

“I know where you sleep!” Papi calls after them

“Uh huh sure yeah, bye forever!” She hurries the kid a little faster

“Your dads are nice” Draco tells her as hes rushed along

“Yeah,” she agrees with a smile “They're pretty awesome”

[lemonmaid]

hey champ, could you do a omega male reader royal AU with any of the SnK men? Erwin, Levi, Eren, Reiner, Armin, Jean - anyone. Pardon for bothering.

Hey! I couldn't pick either of them, the possibilities are endless so I just did them all and picked out more scenarios. This is more than what you asked but still. I hope you enjoy!

Dragon Erwin

Apex Alpha x Omega

Imagine you're a prince on an adventure, why? To prove to your family that you are ready to take the throne. On your way, you find a small village in desperate help; they tell you a tale or an old prophecy of a hero coming and over-throwing a dragon and ending its reign of terror, well there's a slight problem...

"There is a dragon I say! We've seen it with our own eyes!"

(Name) nodded their head, 'okay lady, as if dragons haven't been extinct for hundreds of years' "Ma'am I would really love to help, but I see no dragon here nor any issues".

The old woman got red in the face, "Do you see any crops? Do you see the once gushing waterfall? No?! That's because a dragon has made our home their home! The land is cursed!!".

(Name) did look around the town, it was very dry, but that could be from numerous things, like maybe to the new build damn that kingdom had sent out a noticed to all the near by towns.

"What kind of hero are you? Do you doubt the people in need?". The crowd around the two agreed, bickering.

(Name) sighed, "Okay, I'll look for the dragon". Not wanting to tarnish his barely known reputation.

The town cheered.

"So where is this dragon?".

'Of course it had to be an abandoned castle with lava. Noooo it couldn't be a cave in a mountain or a crater in a field'.

(Name) carefully walked acrossed an old bridge, "for my honor, for my family, for the town filled with delusional citizens" he repeated.

The castle was barren, nothing but old family crest that used to mean something to someone, an old throne room, and skeletor remains.

'Wait... human remains?'. (Name) quickly pulled out their sword.

"So after 500 years of war, this is what they sent me? An omega?"

"You!- how can you smell my scent?! Show yourself!"

The voiced groaned, "I rather not, I was sleeping comfortably until you showed up. Can't a man get a few hundred years of sleep?".

(Name) gulped, slowly walking towards the voice. "Well I wouldn't call you a man...beast? Maybe, but you are far from a man".

The voiced sighed, "I do supposed you are correct".

"So are these bodies from your cause?"

"No. They were like this when I got here. Probably another useless war from you humans. They say we dragons are the greedy ones, when really all you humans take and take".

(Name) was getting nervous, it was dark, there was no light sources besides the red glow of lava that came from outside.

"Boo".

(Name) screamed, turning himself around, pointing his sworded at a tall blonde hair man.

"YOURE A MAN?"

The man smiled, moving the sword away from his face. "Of course, we "beast" can shaped shift".

(Name) just stared at the man confused.

"Would you like to join me for some tea?"

"How the hell do you have tea?"

"Am hundreds of years old, I have tea from all around the world and tea from dead societies. I also have a good friend who brings me some regularly".

The blond man started walking away from (Name), "Wait! What about that prophecy?!"

The man chuckled, "you fell for that scam? I almost feel bad now. Your stuff is probably already stolen if you did leave stuff".

(Name)'s face fell.

"Aww don't cry now mega, now come and join me and we can chat".

Guard Levi

Omega x Omega

Your parents thought that you needed a gaurd, so who do they choose? The best of the best.

Levi came from a family-long line of assassins. When (Name) was born, Levi only five was sworn under oath to protect the young heir.

When (name) started walking, he always held hands with Levi.

If Levi was training, (Name) was always close by watching.

Can't fine the young prince? Check the training grounds, he was probably watching the young knight.

"I want you to train me on how to be a knight!"

Levi looked dumbfounded, "not a chance".

"Eh! Why not!"

"One, you're an omega"

"Well you are an omega too!"

"Yeah, but I'm not an omegan prince. They can afford to lose me"

(Name) frowned, "don't say that...".

Levi sighed, "I won't train you how to be a knight"

"But, I will train you on how to use a sword".

(Name)'s face brightened.

As (Name) trained they were covered in bruises and their bones ache.

"Your form is off, again... which is why I can just stab you, right here".

(Name) felt the pointed edge behind their knee, sweat dripped down his forehead. "You know".

(Name) took a breath, "maybe go a little easy on me? Kinda never held a sword before" he chuckled.

"You can ask the next assassin to go easy on you when I am not around".

"Please, you aren't leaving soon, you're not dying of old age yet are you?" (Name) laughed.

Levi sighed and paused, "(Name)...they want me on the front lines of an upcoming attack on the south".

(Name)'s heart dropped, "you're kidding".

"Can't say I am".

Prince Eren

Alpha x Omega

An arranged marriage between two kingdoms that have been at war for centuries. You and Eren have been meeting/courting since you two were able to speak. As children, you two never understood why you were always around each other every holiday or summer break, but you two were best friends for the time being. Then Eren grew into being the rebellious teen, he always dismissed you or even flat out ignore your presence.

"Why do I have to be damsel again! Why can't you!?" Young (Name) whined.

"Because you're a snot nosed omega cub!"

"Am Not!"

"Are too! That's why my dad said we are going to be married when we are older" Young Eren scoffed.

"I haven't even shown any signs of being an omega! So how did they know I won't be an alpha and you an omega?!"

"Because all first borns in my family are alphas! Right Mikasa?".

(Name) looked over at Mikasa who just nodded their head.

"Whatever, I don't want to play this game anymore".

♡

"You are just a late bloomer that's all, it just takes time for some pups to show their second gender". The (L/N)'s royal physician tried to reassure the family of (Name)'s gender. (Name) was already 12 and hadn't reach their growth spert or shown any signs of a scent change.

"Young Master, Master Eren is here for his visit".

(Name) and Eren sat in a field together, watching the citzizens below the hill carry out their day. (Name)'s face scrunched up, "You smell different".

"I am an alpha". Eren's face softened.

"Oh.."

(Name)'s face fell, pouting.

Eren smiled down at them and pat their head, "It's fine, you still have time".

After a few years of being separated, the two changed. (Name) stayed the same while Eren and his family went under scandal after it being proven that Eren wasn't heir to the thrown but his bastarded older brother. To "celebrate" missing birthdays Eren's mother threw a party for her step son.

"Oh you actually came"

"Well... yeah I was invited by your parents..."

Eren tch, "Even though you are a disgrace to your family?"

"Excuse me?"

"You don't even have a second gender, you are disgrace to your family and kingdom, can you even run a kingdom when your body is messed up? Can you even make decision when your body cant".

"You know what Eren, I was invited by your mom to see what is wrong with you or even to cheer you up with all this teenage edge you got going on, but fuck you. I feel bad for Mikasa who does nothing but listen to your nonsense".

"(NAME)!"

"Don't walk away from me (Name)!".

After a few more years, Eren's family was assassinated by his brother and his brother's army. Eren and his army have been taking over what little kingdom they controlled, making alliances with enemy kingdoms, and the use of dark magic.

"..Eren what have you done?"

"I did what an a king does. I protect my kingdom and my family. They started this when they killed my parents and made me king. I understood my place... it's time you did the same, omega".

Assassin Reiner

Alpha x Omega

As the only sole heir to a dying throne, you were the miracle of the kingdom. Due to being a precious miracle, you were kept up in the castle your whole life. Every family has enemies, you just happened to be the next target.

Reiner was undercover as a gardener, his next target Prince (Name), why? Because (L/N)'s kingdom was a dying one and Reiner's king thought might aswell take the family out while they are weak.

But every attempt to kill the omegan heir made Reiners heartstrings pull, maybe it was something in his DNA or how he was raised to treat omegas.

"Reiner! Look!". (Name) came running from inside the castle holding papers.

"I got a perfect marks on my lesson because of yout help in autonomy!". (Name) smiled so brightly .

"Thats... great". Reiner once again clenching the knife in his pocket.

"My teacher said that it was amazing because there wasn't even books about some of the things that you taught me! Where did you learn about vocal cords and that stuff about stomachs?".

Reiner started to sweat,"Oh... my mother was a doctor....".

(Name) looked puzzled, "huh, I guess where you are from it's okay to do autopsies then? Because I think the church would have our heads for that! Haha!".

"Right....."

(Name) looked down at the bed beside Reiner, "What flowers are you putting in today?".

"Oh... just some flowers that will grow in the winter and some that will grow in the summer"

"What kind?"

Reiner smiled softy, "marigolds and dry white roses".

Reiner needed to be careful more, for himself and for (Name).

Mage Armin

Beta x Omega

Armin was a young mage, or even a mage in training. In this world magic is very limited and only few people are born with the ability to use and read ancient texts. So when Armin is hired by a royal family to cure their only son from a curse that was placed on you as a baby. What is that curse? No one knows, not even the royal physician could see what's wrong with you. Is it paranoia or a real curse.

Armin was chanting the third scripture of the day, the intense was burning, salt around the windows, every precaution measure was taken.

As the meditation ended, the two sat in silence.

Armin coughed, "so do you feel any different?"

(Name) sighed, "nope".

Armin grabbed his checkboard, "so you are definitely not possession, so that takes that off the list".

(Name) just hummed while they stared at the ceiling.

"I can't find anything, even looking at your medical records, no diseases or counts of plague".

"That's not surprising. I'm pretty sure that my dam just imagined an old woman talking to me in the middle of the night. I mean what does no sleep do to a person".

"Hmmm, that could be a possibility but it is good to find out for sure".

"Well, it's been like this since that day and so far we've found nothing so far".

"Oh that reminds me". Armin went through his magic endless bag.

"Happy birthday (name)".

(Name) smiled fondly at the small present, "what is it?".

Armin smiled and took a seat next to (Name), "go ahead. Open it".

As (Name) opened the little box, he looked inside, "A necklace?".

"It's a special necklace, watch".

Armin took the necklace out of (Name)'s hands, putting on the bed. With a wave of his hand, the amulet glowed, then showing a map of the world.

"Woah! Is this where we live?".

Armin chuckled, "Yeah and here's where I am from".

(Name) looked fondly at the small holographic map.

"Once we figure out your curse, I wanna show you the world. You don't need to stay in this tower all the time, if you are going to be king, you need to see all the cultures and the world!".

Bounty Hunter Jean

Alpha x Omega

"GOD DAMN IT, I SAID GET OUT!".

(Name) was the only mage in his kingdom, he was also apparently the only one the King was willing to hire, sending a Bounty Hunter to bother him until he was confined.

CRASH

Another bottle of enchantment was gone, broken in front of a tree where many others lied. Jean huffed, "this would just be easier if you would come with me".

(Name) grabbed their broom and walked over. "I can't leave! I've got a farm of plants and chickens to take care of!"

Speaking of chickens, a flock came up right behind the man, following his every move.

"Are you going to take care of them?". (Name) glared at Jean, pointing his broom into Jean's chest.

Jean put his hands up in the air, "Listen, I'm only here-".

(Name) rolled his eyes,"To take me to see the King because he declared an audience with me, ya ya, I heard you all morning. Is that all?".

"Yeah?".

"Good". (Name) started to whisper.

"Wait!-"

Jean was blowned back to the beginning of the woods.

"FUCKING WITCHES!".

Sorry this took so long 'champ' anon! I really couldn't pick so I said fuck it and did them all! If anyone or the situations interest you go ahead and I'll write a couple out! Thank you so much for the request!. Also some of the people fo have shorter lengths because I was stumped on some, sorry if it looked more lazy! I will try my best next time!.

Yes, for many of you wondering I am still working on Isseki back into Twisted Wonderland, I just have extreme writes block if that one.

[most-fuckable-character-showdown]

Characters included in the showdown

If any of these characters are repeated or under 18 please let me know asap so I can switch them out

Remus Sanders from Sanders Sides (17)

Janus Sanders from Sanders Sides (14)

Logan Sanders from Sanders Sides (13)

Eda Clawthorne from The Owl House (13)

Roman Sanders from Sanders Sides (11)

Virgil Sanders from Sanders Sides (10)

Din Djarin/Mandalorian from The Mandalorian (10)

Remy Sanders from Thomas Sanders Shorts (10)

Patton Sanders from Sanders Sides (9)

Noise from Roleslaying with Roman (8)

The Once-ler from the Lorax (7)

Sans from Undertale (6)

Angel from Hell’s Belles (5)

Julian Devorak from The Arcana (5)

William Afton from fnaf (4)

Ingo from Pokémon (4)

Leon S Kennedy from Resident Evil (4)

Anxiety Sanders from Thomas Sanders Shorts (4)

Clay Puppington from Moral Orel (4)

Youngblood from Roleslaying with Roman (4)

Bill Cipher from Gravity Falls (3)

Shane from The L Word (3)

Jameson Jackson from Jacksepticeye (3)

The Other Side of the Pillow from Thomas Sanders Shorts (3)

Virgil the Rat from Ride the Cyclone (3)

Kylo Ren from Star Wars (3)

Megamind from Megamind (3)

Bucky Barnes from MCU (3)

Spider-Man (Andrew Garfield) from No Way Home (3)

Mike from Roleslaying with Roman (3)

Ryker from Roleslaying with Roman (3)

Roman from Roleslaying with Roman (3)

Raine Whispers from The Owl House (3)

Vash the Stampede from Trigun Stampede (3)

Nicholas D Wolfwood from Trigun (3)

Cecil Palmer from Welcome to Night Vale (2)

Sage Lesath from Last Legacy (2)

L Lawliet from Death Note (2)

Crowley from Good Omens (2)

Dr. Bright from SCP Foundation (2)

Shrek from Shrek (2)

Peter Cola from CNP (2)

Peppino from Pizza Tower (2)

Tangerine from Bullet Train (2)

Luis Sera from Resident Evil 4 (2)

Darius from The Owl House (2)

Hannibal Lecter from Hannibal (2)

Alastor from Hazbin Hotel (2)

Enjorlas from Les Miserables (2)

Jessie from Pokémon (2)

James from Pokémon (2)

Mettaton EX from Undertale (2)

Sampo Koshi from Honkai Star Rail (2)

Wilford Warfstache from Markiplier (2)

The Narrator from The Stanley Parable (2)

Shego from Kim Possible (2)

Lady Dimitrescu from Resident Evil (2)

Blackbeard from Our Flag Means Death (2)

Orange Side from Sanders Sides (2)

Lucio from The Arcana (2)

Burgundy Red from Roleslaying with Roman (2)

Puff Puff Humbert from Your Favorite Martin (2)

Viktor Humphries from Slime Rancher (2)

Angel Dust from Hazbin Hotel (2)

Miss Secondopinionson from Moral Orel (2)

Eggman from Sonic (2)

Spamton from Deltarune (1)

The Corinthian from The Sandman (1)

Asra Alnazar from The Arcana (1)

Felix Escellun from Last Legacy (1)

Edwin from Gummy and the Doctor (1)

Hatori from Fruits Basket (1)

Izzy Hands from Our Flag Mean Death (1)

Undyne from Undertale (1)

Glamrock Freddy from fnaf: security breach (1)

Gummy from Gummy and the Doctor (1)

Nadia Satrinava from The Arcana (1)

Scorpia from She Ra (1)

Jareth the Goblin King from Labyrinth (1)

Vaporeon from Pokémon (1)

Rouge the Bat from Sonic (1)

Aaravos from The Dragon Prince (1)

Millions Knives from Trigun Stampede (1)

Spock from Star Trek (1)

Toriel from Undertale (1)

Bowser from Super Mario (1)

Shota Aizawa from My Hero Academia (1)

Tom Nook from Animal Crossing (1)

Critic Sanders from Thomas Sanders Shorts (1)

Skeletor from Masters of the Universe (1)

Elias Bouchard from The Magnus Archives (1)

Asmodeus from Obey Me (1)

Guillermo from What We do in the Shadows (1)

Asgore Dreemurr from Deltarune (1)

Dio Brando from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure (1)

Tenth Doctor from Doctor Who (1)

Death from Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (1)

Red Guy from Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared (1)

Padme from Star Wars (1)

Archibald Asparagus from Veggie Tales (1)

Shen Jiu from The Scum Villain’s Self Saving System (1)

Roxanne Wolf from fnaf: security breach (1)

Gomez Addams from The Addams Family (1)

Rick Sanchez from Rick and Morty (1)

Fiona from Shrek (1)

Jack Skellington from The Nightmare Before Christmas (1)

Emile from Cartoon Therapy (1)

Vlad Masters from Danny Phantom (1)

Eyeless Jack from Creepypasta (1)

Merlin from Fate/Grand Order (1)

Verosika Mayday from Helluva Boss (1)

Ganondorf from The Legend of Zelda (1)

Michael Afton from fnaf (1)

Marvus Xoloto from Hiveswap (1)

Kim Kitsuragi from Disco Elysium (1)

Jang Jaeyoung from Semantic Error (1)

The Bog King from Strange Magic (1)

Batman from Batman (1)

Randy Jade from Dialtown (1)

Yor Forger from Spy x Family (1)

Mark Winters/Wavelength from Just Role With It (1)

Dr. Alto Clef from SCP Foundation (1)

Striker from Helluva Boss (1)

Stoic the Vast from How to Train your Dragon (1)

Bandit from Bluey (1)

Spain from Hetalia (1)

Dorian Gray from The Picture of Dorian Gray (1)

Muriel from The Arcana (1)

[itcamefromthetoybox]

The Mysterious King

Pro Wrestling: the world’s most violent soap opera. I love watching wrestling, but unfortunately haven’t gotten to in forever. However, that’s what toys are for! If I can’t watch matches, I’ll make my own, with Batman, Transformers, Skeletor, and my fiancee’s plush collection when she isn’t looking! As a kid, I watched wrestling with my parents, and in college, I watched with my friends. It’s something I am never not up for watching. One of my personal favorites, and a guy about to get his own Cartoon Network series, is the masked wrestler Rey Mysterio, a name my spellcheck keeps trying to screw up. So because he’s getting his own show soon (“Rey Mysterio vs. La Oscuridad,” which translates to “Rey Mysterio vs The Darkness”), I wanna take today to talk about “WWE Elite Collection Rey Mysterio!”

Rey Mysterio is probably the most well-known masked wrestler in America, since he’s part of America’s most well-known wrestling organization, the WWE. He’s also a huge deal in Mexico, he’s a highly talented performer, he trained his son to wrestle, he was trained by his famous luchador uncle, and he’s always friendly with kids. He’s one of the few wrestlers to never seriously go villain, and the one time he tried is best left forgotten, brief as it was. Mysterio’s most well-known trait, though, and the thing people first think of when they think of him, is his mask. He has a whole bunch of masks and both has fun wearing and is fun to watch wearing different costumes. Frankly, he’s just delightful, so let’s hope this toy of him lives up to that.

Rey Mysterio’s had a lot of toys over the years. I mean, A LOT. Honestly, you could easily build an entire collection of just Mysterio toys without any challenge or empty space, and the main reason for that is his many different costumes. He likes to switch up his outfits, unlike most men and me, who will wear literally the same thing for a week at a time. Every one of Rey’s outfits has gotten a toy, which, combined with his impressive tattoo collection, has led to some visually fantastic toys, and this figure is no exception. Rey’s black and orange costume is really visually glorious, and the red gloves and white paint on his legs, armbands, and eyes really complete the look and conjure images of fire.

My camera is a phone. There was no way in hell I was gonna be able to get a good tattoo pic with that.

 One thing on this figure I absolutely adore is his face. He just looks so happy and energetic, that looking at the toy’s face makes me feel happy and energetic! It’s such a nice change from the stoic, angry, or “murder clown” faces that so many action figures tend to have.

Look how happy he is to be here!

His tattoos can be a bit much for the eye, I have to admit, but this is a toy of an actual dude and that dude is covered in tatoos, so you gotta allow for the abundance of ink for accuracy. On some of his figures, it works, really well, but on this one, it feels really busy. What’s cool about the tattoos, though, is how detailed they are. They’re all filled in and feel very organic on the toy. You can really tell that the toy designers put a ton of work and effort into them, and even though they’re harder to see from a distance and feel too busy, they’re real works of art up close.

Rey’s also got a ton of articulation, which is what you should expect from the Elite Collection. Think of it as WWE’s answer to Hasbro’s Marvel Legends: highly detailed, lots of articulation, aimed at the collectors. He’s got articulation all over his body, with the one weak spot being his head. Unfortunately, due to the sculpting, Rey Mysterio cannot look up. Thankfully, he makes up for this with all the rest of his articulation, leading to some real dynamic poses.

I have been just LOVING playing with this dude!

His accessories are pretty great, too. Rey’s arm and wrist bands are removable, though I refuse to take them off because I would lose them so damn fast, and he comes with two alternate hands and a shirt. The hands are pretty easy to remove, but be careful to not bend or break their pegs. It’s not an issue I ran into here, but I would still advise caution. The shirt can be put on without removing Rey’s head, which is nice, but doesn’t look good on him. It honestly kinda makes me think of a sandwich board. The paint design on it is great, though.

Definitely would look better made of cloth.

“Elite Collection Rey Mysterio” goes for about $20 and is available at mass retail. He is aimed at collectors, though older kids would like him too. Definitely don’t give him to people who put things in their mouths, though. That’s how you lose a hand and wrist band. Would I recommend him? Oh yeah! He’s a great representation of the real Rey Mysterio, with a lot of articulation and detailing, and I’ve been having a lot of fun with him, so definitely give him a shot. This is JL signing off and wishing you Happy Toy Hunting!

[theliterateape]

We Killed Jason Todd

By Matt Markman

In 1988 my friends and I killed a kid.

He was just a boy really. We had help it wasn’t just me and my pals. there were adults involved, lots of them. I mean we were young we were just thirteen and really couldn’t comprehend the ramification of our actions, the adults knew what they were doing. I’m painting it to sound way more sinister than it was, and in today’s society, wouldn’t trend on Twitter but maybe in the ’80s, it was probably considered quite ominous.

To set your mind at ease, it was Jason Todd. You know, Batman's sidekick, The Boy Wonder, Robin—well, the second Robin anyways. And I helped kill him.

I was big into comic books but my favorite was, The Dark Knight, The Caped Crusader, The Batman… He donned the best costume, he had all the money and was the most intelligent of all the superheroes. That last trait right there, the fact that he was considered a superhero and he had no actual super powers made him cooler than the other side of the pillow. You know how The Big Bang Theory has convinced the world it’s an Emmy-winning sitcom worth watching? I think it’s the fact that Batman was someone any one of us could actually be. Sure we needed to start with a base coat of genius followed by a splash of handsome billionaire playboy then train overseas in martial arts for several years, but if you had those things you, too, could be a vigilante. You ask me today and I'd stand by the fact that Batman would beat Superman in a fight, say ten out of ten times. This is not debatable because super beings from another planet are not real.

My favorite thing about Batman, though, is his ability to balance out good and evil. He spawned one of the greatest comic book villains and fictional characters ever created, The Joker. They have tried and tried again but in my opinion never got close to the Clown Prince of Crime—maybe Negan from The Walking Dead, he's pretty ruthless. The Joker is what would happen if a stand-up comedian became a criminal mastermind, so basically the plot of the 2019 film Joker.

My love for Joker made sense because growing up I was always more into the bad guys than the good guys. Watching and playing with G.I.Joe, I was always on the side of Cobra Commander, the twins Tomax and Xamot, and Zartan because they were always more glamorous and eye-catching than the boring ass Joes. Just once, I’d like that “knowing is half the battle” part at the end of the cartoon to have been Storm Shadow giving us kids a tip on how to fuck up Shipwreck and his stupid Parrot. Megatron, Skeletor, Shredder, Mumm-ra…

The list goes on, but the antagonists always resonated with me. they had a much better and more intriguing agenda than the good guys did. I know that wasn't the purpose, we were supposed to cheer on the good guys, like the idea of saving the world and all, but the mayhem… It’s like Alfred Pennyworth said, “Some men just want to watch the world burn.” It’s odd because the bad guys in my life were real, the bullies and I didn't like them at all. They tormented me daily unprovoked because I was short and had big ears. Perhaps my love for the dark side stemmed for my desire to be on that side because in real life there was no Superman swooping in to rescue me from the clutches of Lex Luthor. 

There were two sides, and good had a lack of champions looking out for the weaker, smaller good guys. The bad guys in my neighborhood, well, they were real and never really foiled and more importantly, they always got the girl in the end. Fuck the good guys!

My admiration for evildoers achieving their agenda was tested in 1988, Batman was running a four-part series called A Death in the Family. It was your typical Batman arc. Somehow, The Joker was going to get the upper hand on The World’s Greatest Detective only to be bested in the end by Batman. But this time, the third comic decided to do something nobody had never seen in the industry. The writers were going to give the fans the opportunity to decide where they were going to go with the story, only it was an option between two different roads, one quite unconventional. Apparently a few years earlier, one of the writers, Dennis O'Neil, had seen a sketch they did on SNL where Eddie Murphy held up a Lobster—Larry the Lobster—and was asking viewers to decide whether Larry was boiled and eaten or was to be set free. The choices were offered in the form of two phone numbers both costing fifty cents a call. One number was a vote for him to be freed and the other number was a vote for Larry to be murdered, smothered in butter, and devoured by Axel Foley. Ultimately, after nearly 500,000 calls, the people voted for Larry the lovable lobster to be pardoned with a 12,000 call margin. The popularity of this bit intrigued O'Neil and A few years later he decided to implement it in his Death in The Family storyline.

In the third book, The Joker had taken Batman's sidekick, the Boy Wonder, hostage. He’d beaten him bloody with a crowbar leaving a cliffhanger to be wrapped up in the fourth book. The last page of the comic was full page and at the top read in true ’80s Do the Right Thing fashion: “Robin will die because The Joker wants revenge, but you can prevent it with a telephone call!” They even phrased it to steer you down the hero’s path, like you can literally be Batman with one phone call. Underneath the imploring verbiage were two numbers, dial one number; The Joker fails and Robin lives, Batman would once somehow saves the day. However, call this other number and The Joker succeeds and Robin dies. Gruesomely.

Wow! They were going to let the fans decide the fate of Robin, really this was one of my earliest introductions to a reality voting competition type show. In my opinion, it was a bad idea. Robin was always the worst. Go back and read through an adventure or two involving Jason Todd and tell me he wasn't always whiney and bellyaching. He was never going to be iconic or cool like Bruce Wayne or even his predecessor Dick Grayson—the first Robin. See, Dick got pissed off, decided he was tired of being in Batman's shadow, ditched the Robin costume, threw on a black blue and gold costume, moved to another city and became Nightwing. Dick was a go getter, ambitious. Grayson’s Robin was a winner, Todd's Robin was an irritating little bitch; he was not an innocent lobster.

I went to my mother and asked if I could make a call that was going to cost just fifty cents and I would pay her back or she could just take it out of my allowance. She wanted to know what it was for and mostly wanted to confirm it wasn't for an adult sex line, which costs more than fifty cents a minute, but that’s a different story. It was nothing as tawdry as phontercourse, I just wanted to help murder an annoying teenage sidekick. My mother response was “Oh, yeah, that’s fine.”

I think after it was exposed that it wasn't phone sex anything else I said went in one ear and out the other, surely she didn't think I was actually voting for a plucky comic book sidepiece to be murdered by The Joker. So that’s what I did. I cast my vote along with a majority of DC comic book fans that shared my detest for the boy wonder. Ten thousand votes were recorded with a narrow margin going to Robin dying. I think the writers never suspected that fans would go that route.

O’Neal himself voted for Robin’s stay of execution. A man of his word, Batman issue #429 was released and Robin was killed by The Joker in an explosion and we were to blame for it. Sad to say but you give a bunch of comic book nerds the power I think it would go bad every time. That day we were all proud to be The Joker's henchmen. I felt like a soldier at the end of Star Wars cheering madly while The Joker received his metal shouting, “I helped that happen!”

So many shows these days embrace our fascination with the anti-hero with the success of The Sopranos, The Shield, Breaking Bad, hell Narcos had me rooting for Pablo Escobar—Pablo fucking Escobar. I wouldn't say I was a bad person growing up. Quite the contrary, I was a shy nerd with no power to do anything but pick my books up after they were smacked to the ground. What I’m saying is don't give me the power to make important life or death decisions with your franchise because myself and the other dorks will have the bodies of Orko, Snarf, and Jimmy Olson lying in a shallow grave, just tell me what number to dial… or text.

Matt started performing standup comedy in 2004 in Las Vegas and is now a regular at every major comedy club on the Las Vegas strip. He released his first comedy album in 2016 titled Uncut available on iTunes. More about Matt and his upcoming appearances can be found on MattMarkman.com.

[thealmightyemprex]

Superman Orgin Evolution:Deafeat the Defendroids /The Adoption from Ruby Spears Superman

Welcome to my look at the various depictions of Supermans first adventures on the big and small screen .

Today we are looking at the Ruby Spears animated series,released during Supermans 50th anniversary ,that mixes the aesthetics of the Christopher Reeves movies and the John Byrne penned comic books from the time. If people want me too I can do a full review of this entire show (I have seen the whole thing ,its only 13 episodes )cause I have a lot of mixed thoughts

Sooooo Ruby Spears Superman is weird.Instead of telling Supermans orgins in an episode.....Clarks early life is actually spaced out in four minute segments called the Superman Family Album.Now I have seen the whole show before,and the Family Album segments are inconsequential ,they are mostly low stakes comedy segments apart from the first one and the last one.So my original intention was just to review the segments the Adoption and Its Superman....But rewatching them ,still not a lot to talk about. So instead of talking about the Family Album Segments,I am going to talkabout the First episode ,both its main story and the Family album segment

Plot:Lex has created robots to basically replace Superman,but with another dastardly scheme.Meanwhile in the Family Album segment we see the orphanage having a hell of a time with a super powered baby

Beat

Krypton:Ummm....We see it blow up in the opening sequence and in a later episode Zod shows up but other then that this show is fairly Krypton lite

Smallville:Very Ma and Pa centric show.They are played well by the amazing Tress Mcniel and Skeletor himself Alan Oppenheimer .Throughout the show we see several moments from Clarks formative years.In this particular episode we see him make a connection with the Kents and refuse to be adopted by anyone else .Its a very cute segment

Superman :Beau Weaver protrays a very traditional Superman ,very meek as Clark but with a nice booming heroic voice as the Man of Steel . A solid Superman but not in my personal favorites

Lois:Ginny Mcswain is a solid Lois ,very tenacious,leaping into danger and biting back at anyone who says a bad word about Superman

Perry White:Stanley Ralph Ross delivers a good grumpy Perry

Jimmy Olsen : Mark Taylor is a pretty standard Jimmy Olsen....Cept he rides a skateboard

Lex Luthor/Villain : The first on screen appearence of businessman Lex Luthor .Personality wise he is VERY much inspired by Gene Hackman ,which meshes well with the evil rich dude aesthetic .Michal Bell delivers a wonderful villainous performance with a great sense of humor ,with a lot of fun lines my favorite being "My daddy told me the three things youcouldnt get enough of are choclate ice cream ,real estate and money......Course he is now fat ,homeless and broke -".Possibly the most narcisstic Lex,love this version a lot

The Threat:The Defendroids ,which Lex is using to discredit Superman and steal gold from a train . Eh they are fine,do like the big one that has a cage in its chest holding Lois and Jimmy

As an Orgin :Kind of assumes we know all the details ,so Family Album kind of just fills in the gaps of Clarks life in a comedic fashion.....And I dislike the Family Album segments in general,though I do like the Asoptio0n segment from the first episode

General Thoughts:Gonna focus soley on this episode , cause it is one of the better ones ,I think it showcases Superman,Lois and Lex really well ,and the Adoption segment is heartwarming .Its a decent start

Also if anyone wants me to go into the show I will cause I have a lot to say

@ariel-seagull-wings @metropolitan-mutant-of-ark @filmcityworld1 @angelixgutz

[promptsfromthecrypt]

𝐁𝐔𝐙𝐙𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐃  𝐔𝐍𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐕𝐄𝐃 :  𝑆𝑈𝑃𝐸𝑅𝑁𝐴𝑇𝑈𝑅𝐴𝐿      ♡      𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎  𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜.

triggers  and  nsfw   may  be   present  in  this  specific  meme.  some  grammar  may  have  been  changed  to  fit  a  roleplay  setting  from  the  original  content.  any  pronouns  may  obviously  be  changed  to  fit  the  situation ,  etc  etc.

𝐒𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐎𝐍  𝟏 :   𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄  𝟒                   𝑡𝘩𝑒  𝑒𝑥𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑖𝑠𝑚  𝑜𝑓  𝑎𝑛𝑛𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑠𝑒  𝑚𝑖𝑐𝘩𝑒𝑙.

“ wait ,  did  they  like  sue  the  demon? ”

“ okay ,  i’m  fine  with  that  so  far.  that  sounds  real. ”

“ there  was  a  spider  on  me.  sorry  if  i  blew  it  on you. ”

“ ( name )  also  reported  hearing  a  voice  damning  her  to  hell. ”

“ her  hands  seemed  to  turn  into  thick  paws  with  claws. ”

“ let’s  move  on ,  let’s  not  get  caught  up  on  the  bear  hands. ”

“ why  do  all  these  people  know  what  burnt  feces  smells  like? ”

“ fuck ,  is  that  a  bee!? ”

“ see  what  you  get?  this  is  what  you  get! ”

“ yeah ,  that’s  a  bad  doctor. ”

“ that  is  fucked  up ,  right? ”

“ i  bet  i  could  squeeze  an  apple  ‘til  it  exploded. ”

“ i  bet  you  a  million  dollars  you  couldn’t. ”

“ you  hear  that  in  the  distance?  it’s  the  excuse  train  coming. ”

“ you’re  full  of  shit ,  ( name ). ”

“ these  recordings  are  perhaps  the  most  disturbing  pieces  of  audio  i’ve  ever  heard. ”

“ i  will  carry  this  brat  so  long ,  until  she  croaks ,  this  dumbass  bitch! ”

“ you  know . . .  she’s  screaming.  she’s  giving  it  110%. ”

“ your  unrelenting  skepticism  is  exhausting. ”

“ it  drains  me  of  all  happiness  and  energy  and  i  hope  you  know  that. ”

“ i  ran  out  of  evil  people  to  think  of . . .  uhh . . .  the  the  blonde  man  from  ‘ die  hard ’  is  also  in  here.  skeletor  from  ‘ masters  of  the  universe ’ . . .  heath  ledger’s  joker.  not  jack  nicholson ,  he  was  too  cartoonish. ”

“ you  had  your  fun ,  you  ass? ”

“ that  is  the  only  thing  that  is  strange  to  me.  all  of  the  other  stuff  is  just  things  that  a  person  could  do. ”

“ yeah ,  i  just  feel  bad  for  her  at  this  point. ”

“ do  you  think  that  just  made  her  buy  into  it  more?  like  if  people  started  exorcising  me  on  the  reg —  yeah ,  i  might  eventually  be  like ,  ‘ i guess i’m  demons! ’ ”

“ look ,  i’m  not  here  as  a  doctor ,  i  just  wanna  see  some  of  this  crazy  shit. ”

“ i  wanna  see  this  girl  eat  some  spiders. ”

“ that’s  like  something  you  say  when  you  go  to  the  zoo ,  not  when  you  go  see  someone  that’s  tied  up. ”

“ shady.  shady  as  fuck ,  yeah. ”

“ it’s  funny  you  said  that  ‘cause  the  neurologist  said  the  exact  same  thing. ”

“ yeah ,  fuck  it.  i  don’t  know ,  go  visit  a  jesuit.  jesus  christ. ”

“ just  get  your  shit  stink  out  of  my  office. ”

“ how  do  you  tell  the  difference  between  possession  and  mental  health? ”

“ i  also  think  that  67  exorcisms  don’t  leave  your  mind  in  a  good  spot. ”

“ psa ,  if  your  kid’s  eating  spiders ,  don’t  take  them  to  an  exorcist.  or  take  them  to  an  exorcist ,  but  do  it  at  the  hospital. ”

“ i  don’t  know  what’s  making  me  happier.  the  fact  you  can’t  get  it ,  or  the  struggle  in  your  face  as  you  see  your  case  slipping  through  your  fingers. ”

[alaffy]

Masters of the Universe Pt.2, Ep.3 – The Gutter Rat (Spoilers)

Wh-what the hell was that?!

First off, I never, ever what to see a near sex scene between Skeletor and Evil-Lyn again.  

Secondly, can we please stop the train of worst parent one-upmanship?  Eating their child?!

But…oh boy.  Look, you can’t deny that the relationship between Skeletor and Evil-Lyn isn’t abusive because Skeletor is abusive to everyone. So, it really isn’t to much of a surprise that Evil-Lyn decides to take the power for herself (I think they may have even mentioned in the original cartoon that her ultimate goal was to be stronger then him and get her revenge).  So, no, that wasn’t a surprise.

But then she…kills heaven? I’m starting to think that we need to talk about power limitations here.  I mean, we know Adam wouldn’t abuse the power, but I don’t think there was ever an indication that the power could do…that.  

And Teela is just going to…stop her.  Without training?  

I feel as though too much is happening at the same time.  Maybe there should have been a time skip, to at least give us some indication that Teela has been training.  I’m just…not sure what to make of this.

[gronjon44]

SO I WATCHED THE STEVEN UNIVERSW FINALE

And since it's over, I'd like to give my final thoughts on most of the series, even Jasper now that I've seen how they ended her "arc".

I'm gonna list this in order of main characters, so this is concise.

Jasper-

I'm gonna get this out of the way now. Jasper was treated like actual shit and even I can see it. She got some redemption at the end I liked how they turned her into this trainer to help Steven deal with his anger. BUT I was hoping it would evolve and help Steven get through to her and make her open up. But instead she was shattered, turned into a Diamonds herald again, and then dismisses right at the end. I will respect Rebrccas decisions, but Jasper deserved much more then to be an emotional pin cushion for her poke into and never fix.

Garnet-

Garnet went though significant changes. She was very guarded in the begining, showing trust only between the gems really. But when she was split by Jasper she was forced to open up when Steven realized who she was. This opened the door to have her be more vulnerable, and strengthen her bond with Steven. And this went on throughout the series and I like how she was the first to initiate the hug that fixed Steven-Zilla (that's what I call him)

Amythest/Pearl-

I'm gonna lump these two together cause they kinda parallel each other, and you could fit Garnet with them you wanted to. Both Pearl and Amethyst were still caught up in the idea of Rose, and Amethyst never really knew Rose before so she always associated Rose as she was when she was born, Crystal Gem and a friend. She was also extremely immature, and I think that fed into Steven's immaturity, so she had to progressively get more adult and accept things were changing.

And Pearl was honestly a parallel of that, while also being an opposite. She did not relax, she was strict, she was secretive, and she had known Rose longest, as well as when she was still Pink. So she was caught up the most in the Gem Wars History. She had to open up the most and to learn to "live and let die" essentially. Or at least that's how I see it.

Peridot-

Peridot went through some of the most drastic changes. She was basically Spock from Star Trek, all logic and science, but more evil sociopath. But when Jasper was defeated, Peridot was left to her own devices and became a sort of Skeletor, plotting what she could do to defeat Steven and please Yellow. And it took her losing the status she wss given to figure out herself and be her own person (in her case litterally when her arms and legs were destroyed) She was able to separate herself from homeworld, and it took a long while for her to really become her own person.

Bismuth-

Bismuth wss someone I originally didnt care for at first glance. I understood her importance and wss ok with it. But when she first showed up I was fine with it. But when she was revealed to basically be a radical gem and Rose had to bubble her, I was hooked. And while her acceptance of Steven not only being Rose but also being Pink just seemed to quickly solved for me, I'll let it be.

Lapis-

Lapis is an anti hero who should not have just been accepted as fast as she was. I used to love Lapis and Lapidot, still kinda do.l, but looking at it now and what they did to Jasper as part of that, I cant ignore it. Yeah she grew as a person but it wasnt done properly. She almost killed Steven 3 times, broke Jasper emotionally with being a fusion for so long, and she never actually owned up to her faults I think. And her sudden reintroduction in the final battle of Homeworld and how she just, magically decided to be a better person felt forced. Just my own thoughts.

Diamonds-

Yellow remind me of the Dictator from the actual film Dictator , wanting to be better but treating it as face value. She is doing good but at litteral face value with changing a gems physical form. Blue to me is the same way, only trying to fix their in the moment emotional state. Honestly I think White was doing the most she could to help fix everything, since she was most at fault. She was letting herself become vulnerable to other gems to help them go through their problems and see themselves as they are, hopefully becoming better people. White in such a short time was doing more to help other gems then Yellow or blue.

Spinel-

Spinel got done dirty frankly. I love her inclusion in the end and I love her character, flaws and all, but they felt abandoned in the end. I'm assuming that Steven Universe Future takes place some months after the events of the film. MONTHS. The type of trauma and abandonment issues Spinel dealt with dont go away in sheer months, especially when it comes to 600 years worth of abandonment. And when she was with the diamonds she just seemed fine, devoid of any issues. She was hesitant to go with the Diamonds hell she openly denied Steven's immediate friendship offer and said "I need time to figure this out, and I cant do it here." I can't just accept that Spinel got through that as fast as she did, not without some underlying issues left over from her past. You cant change my mind on that sorry.

Greg-

Omg Greg my boi, I wanna give him a hug and hot chocolate. The idea he had a ruff childhood and felt he needed to leave how he did, and how his parents never actually responded to his letters, its heartbreaking and it shows why he raised Steven how he did. He had too many lmits and he wanted Steven to have none of those limits. And him being half Gem complicated it, making Greg unsure about hospitals, about traditional schools, it's why he just let the Gems take over as his "mother(s)" because he knew they could help. Of course that caused issues that cant be ignored. But it just shows you why he is the way he is. And it hurts it really does.

Everyone else-

No real comment on anyone else, Lars and Ssdie are both league's ahead of who they started as. The Off Colors are still a delight I wouldve loved more inclusion of them though, Onion and his family eh never cared much for them accept the mom cause she was awesome, no real thoughts.

Connie-

Connie is, a whole new person from who she once was. I think she, without Steven, wouldve become what Greg could've been. But Steven helped her, out of everyone, become something even better then who she was. And it even helped her parents become more open to both Steven as a person, and Connie as a growing person. I have no beef with her character development, she was done amazingly well.

And finally,

Steven -

Steven is... how should I put this, a mixed bag for me. While he most certainly grew as a person, mastered his powers and most of his responsibilities, I cannot say I like how he was treated this final season. Yes Steven Universe: Future was focused him moving on from the past, inevitable change, and learning things he never knew about before. Things felt too fast for him in that season, even if time was passing longer for him, it felt too short. His downfall from grace felt to sudden, his progression to becoming a sort of "Surogate Pink" was too jarring (still fun to watch I love the idea of it)

His training with Jasper even, yeah they played it out like he changed so fast, but THREE DAYS? In one episode? No I wouldve preferred he spend a month or so with Jasper, they show they're relationship, Jasper gets actual time to develop and become a character that we wanted her to become. Hell you could've still shattered her, and it wouldve made her becoming a diamonds herald again more heart breaking, and they could've spent time on helping her get over that mindset.

All in all, Steven's character development was fun, but left much to be desired.

All in all, while the series as a whole was enjoyable, it was by no means perfect. It had many ups, plenty of downs, and I think it's a good example what to do and what not to do when writing an growing narrative. Rebecca Sugar rushed Steven Universe: Future too fast, she left many ends open ended and unanswered, and I give the final season a 6 out of 10.

This is all personal preference so hey let me know if you disagree.

[millenniallust4death]

Hey, ignore this you have a hard enough time as it is. But I just wanted to send you a hug. I'm a stranger from the interwebs, but still remember Martin often, when I look at the changing colours, use his calender and mostly, when I'm training my dog. He made a big impact on me as a trainer and seemed such a kind, patient and smart guy. And I wish things where more fair in this world. A big hug to you and the dogs.

I really appreciate your message and the messages I received on FB and Instagram from other Tumblr folks. I also loved being tagged in photos of fall leaves and Skeletor memes yesterday. Halloween was the one year anniversary of Martin’s death and it was surprisingly hard for me. I didn’t expect to struggle because I have cried every day since Martin was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Surely, the day he died would be the same as every other day. Right? Nope. It was awful. I am touched that so many strangers on the Internet remembered Martin and reached out to connect with me. We all make fun of the Tumblr community- this blue hell site, you are posting to the abyss, the bizarre monster fucker kink that I am somehow swept up in, etc. - but the truth is, my Tumblr community of stranger friends is kind, generous, and infinitely supportive. I wouldn’t have survived this very sad year without you. Much love,Laura

[ottpopfic]

Katie's opinions/relationship on the seven

Leo

If all the ladies love Leo then Katie is the ladies. She thinks he's the coolest best person ever. Epitome of fun uncle, she adores him

Picture this, you're a little Hephaestus eight-year-old and the strongest child of Hephaestus alive is not only your Goddad but is also going to let you come play in his workshop and take you rides on his giant metal dragon. And he's not going to be the coolest in your brain? He has a magic tool belt he can pull candy out of, he teaches you to use a blow torch at nine, he lets you explode things on the roof, hes the best

When Katie moves to the Way Station full-time she trains under Leo, both as Hephaestus spawn and for when Katie eventually becomes the Way Station caretaker, but their dynamic doesn't change much

Jason

He's her cozy person. The best at hugs the best at toting her around. She loves him very much and always wants to be picked up when she's little, which he happily obliges. He also takes her flying which is very dope. He's such a safe person in her mind, the best person after Will to fall asleep on.

When Katie gets older they talk art a lot, he takes her to galleries and museums when Katie visits through highschool. If Katie needs an adult to back her she goes to Jason, he's very bad at saying no to her

Annabeth

She thinks she's super cool and super smart. She's permanently convinced Annabeth knows everything, like a walkingWikipedia. She is also the best at doing hair, she wants her to braid her hair all the time when she's little. They are book buddies too because once Annabeth finds out she likes to read she's sending Katie everything she has in accent Greek and Katie loves that. When Katie gets older they talk about building stuff, Katie's favorite person to sightsee with because she knows everything

When they learn Katie was also a ‘gift’ and a descendant of Athena Annabeth becomes kinda protective of her. They talk about being a gift sometimes, its good for Katie to have that

Hazel

HORSE AUNT. Hazel teaches Katie to ride, and after she gets Skeletor they go riding every visit. They also talk about rocks, and Katie gets most of the gemstones for her work from Hazel. They both wish they were closer though, but living at opposite camps makes it hard, but they IM when they can. The spring break Katie spends with her strengthens their bond a lot

Frank

For a long time they don't have much of a relationship past ‘Aunt Hazel’s Husband’. This stems partly from Frank and Hazen never getting off at the same time, partly that Hazel can't come to family hell dinner, and partly distance. Then around when GrandMarie dies and they all learn more about Katie’s bio family Katie spends a spring break in new rome. Turns out their families left Greece at the same time, descendants of Poseidon and Athena going in different directions. (Franks family to China and Katie to Scotland and then Ireland) They bond over their shared heritage and alumni powers, and get close after that

Piper

The one of the seven she is the least close with. This is mainly due to the fact that Piper has tried to leave all of demigod life behind, and Katie is very entrenched in being a demigod. They do love each other though, they just don't know each other well as they would like

Percy

Lame, she thinks he's such a lame-ass doofus. He will never be cool in her mind, he's a dwebe. Hero of two wars savor of Olympus, uh huh sure so is her Papi you don't see him making a stink about it. All he does is eat blue food and take care of babies, he can breath under water so what her Goddad can make them both a bubble and then they can hang out he's not special. Everyone finds this hilarious but Percy

[definitelynotaminion]

Hey baby, how are you doing? Right now it's October 26th at 4:57 a.m. and I'm in bed next to you. Twice now I've gone over to cuddle you and you let me, wrapped my arm with your hand and just let me stay there with my face in your shoulder, close enough to hear you breathe. I ever tell you that sometimes I try to match my breathing to yours when you're asleep, see if it helps me sleep? But when we sleep our breaths are a lot longer with more space between them, and I would always do it for a few minutes and give up. But for those few minutes it calmed me right down. Kind of a meditation, I guess. I did it for the first time back at our apartment. I did it earlier when I tucked into your side and you met me with open arms despite being asleep. You're so affectionate in your sleep; I love it. (We all know I'm mean af, more likely to punch you in my sleep than be sweet). It's October 26th but it's really October 25th’s night, because I haven't been to sleep. My birthday was yesterday and we had cake. I'm laying in bed next to you thinking that there’s still cake in the fridge; funfetti, my favorite. I might go have a piece. I went to the gym at your urging; back when you were awake, but drowsy from the melatonin, and I was wearing the work out clothes mom got me as a gift, and still had my socks on because I wanted to go the gym, too. We had just gotten back from Whataburger; you missed a meal that day and had 1200 calories to spare (It’s the day I woke up at like 3pm and immediately made chicken teriyaki over rice; you went for a walk and I made my own teriyaki sauce, because the watery stuff in the fridge smelled off and I have standards. It was delicious. It's the day we took my car to Whataburger later, and I mentioned that it was odd I hadn't been to McDonald's on my birthday for once; you countered that you had offered, however jokingly. I kept joking that we should go to KFC because it was only 9:25, and surely KFC was still open, as though you hadn't spent the whole time we lay in bed discussing food looking up the calories for the specific meal you wanted. I had my hair in a ridiculous pebbles-style ponytail on top of my head, that I removed and smoothed out when we got inside. I was wearing a star wars jacket over my track suit hoodie over a tee shirt.) You gave me your drink cup so I could have two drink refills on the way home, and not have to choose. I filled my larger cup with lemonade-- shit, I brought it to bed with me about an hour ago but havent drank any; I just fucking realized lol-- and your smaller one with Dr. Pepper. It's still over there on my desk. You probably knew I wouldn't drink it but knew that the opportunity would make me happy anyway. We chilled in bed and I kept my socks on, for once, because I was determined to go to the gym, and you were determined to encourage me instead of enabling me to stay in bed. You're a lovely person that way. I did go to the gym, by the way, as I'm sure I'll tell you in the morning when you wake up (or at 3 o'clock in the evening, if that's when I wake up, if I fall asleep without meaning to). (You made jokes about the socks, but ten minutes into our blogging and chill, your foot brushed my leg in such a way that the hem of my pants rode up, and you touched bare flesh, and turned into Skeletor “Noooaa! What was that. Unexpected. Forbidden.”) It’s the day after my birthday but it’s also the first day I’m away at basic training, if tungle dot hellfire scheduled the post properly. (I swear to god, if it didnt... esp after all those tests I scheduled before I left.) (You just rolled over in your sleep to face me and your arm is pressed firm and soft to my elbow. For the first few seconds after the roll you snored softly through your nose-- very cute-- but now it's just little inhales and exhales. The forearm to my elbow is a very understated cuddle. I'm love him. You're so used to sleeping with me that you don't react or wake when I press close to you, you just accept it and sometimes nuzzle me. You'll hold my hand if I touch your fingers.) I am the most loved person in all the land, and right now I’m probably trying to remember that, shoved in a room with sixty people and no walls. (I keep remembering that this is public and then I'm like fuck it, a blog’s a blog; all the people here for my writing or the fandom stuff or the memes can deal with the lovey-dovey stuff and the waxing poetic about the minutiae of our lives. You're still tucked into my elbow breathing all cute and I'm still typing on my phone, which is on 26%; I should charge it but the charger sticks out the bottom in a way that makes it hard to rest the phone on my chest. It's a running joke now that I never keep my phone charged; that I only charge it when it's on 5%. Actually, at your urging-- though I laugh when you lean over me and hiss at the percentage, though we joke a lot about it-- I've started being more conscious of it, charging my phone before it needs it. Earlier today (the 25th) I put my phone on the charger when it was at 56%. I don't think I told you, but I know you'd be proud of me. (Earlier today I put my phone on the charger in preparation for going to the gym, and it was at 32%. I laid in bed with you to play on it and when it was at 39% you leaned over, already victorious, and said “oh? Only 39%? Put him on the charger!!!!” The exclamation marks are in italics to mimic the way you tapped it, rapidly, you know the motion. And I told you it was already charging and you were deeply shooketh, like I was an imposter. You squinted and said “well it's so small, how could I possibly see from here” in the Grinch voice, and rolled over dramatically; laughing, I chased you, and we cuddled some more. It was a lovely time.) It is (at the time you're reading this) the Tuesday I’ve officially had a “full day” at basic. I think. I probably had my first plane ride today, though if I've talked to you-- they let us make the “scripted” phone call on the first or second night-- it says “hello, I'm fine, I got here safe, he's a phone number to call in an emergency (red cross? Reddit said) and here's the address you write to”-- I only had like 30 seconds or so on the phone to choke all that out and an “I love you”. I couldn't tell you about my first plane ride. I could not tell you that “it wasn't actually as bad as anticipated, though you know I tear up when I get yelled at, so that's a thing.” According to the internet I probably sounded miserable; not because I was literally miserable but because hearing your voice probably made everything really sink in and i missed you. Also right now typing this i have like. A single manful movie tear rolling down the right cheek. Truly I am getting all up in my feelings-- but you're in an empty bed so you'd know, I guess. On the 26th, not Nov 6th, that is. I have no idea if I'm crying as you read this; but I'm a dramatic hoe so it's possible. I'm probably chanting to myself “It’s fine, it's whatever; play the game, don't stand out, go from meal to meal.” however, I have it from reliable sources (thanks reddit) that by the second or third week the yelling gets less yelling and you have the routine down. Then it's kind of like a hardcore summer camp. As I'm laying in bed it's hard to rationalize that I've only got 10 days with you left. A week and some change. The impulse to savor it is there but, also, I've literally got the rest of my life with you, so. I’m looking forward to the other side of basic, to how you can (apparently) have your dependents moved out to live with you if your stay at tech school will be longer than 6 weeks. And mine will, so. (If you're not in basic and I selfishly hope you're not, yet, you can come out there and I can spend my weekends with you, in our apartment with all of our stuff. I want lots of dice and candles. I want to just lay in bed and chill with you. “Cuddle” I want to cuddle but I keep remembering that this is public on my blog and everyone can see it. I wonder why cuddle sounds so weird when none of the other words do. I wonder how fast the first week will go if I keep focusing on “just wait until the next meal, just wait until the next meal.” I'm planning to go buy a book of stamps and some envelopes in the morning. Apparently one of the only joys of basic is hearing your name at mail call. I want you to write me so much, which is hard for you probably; but I want to hear about every little detail. You should print off the latest chapters of Yesterday Upon the Stair or Ashes of the Past if they update, stick those behind your letters. It would make a good distraction and only be a couple pages long. But how weird would it be that i wouldn't even care about them? Not weird at all. Its true that i would care about your letters more that the fanfic. That I just want to hear that you're safe and happy, that you've eaten-- tell me what you've eaten, tell me the calories, it'll reassure me and fill the pages-- tell me jokes and memes and manga spoilers for BNHA. Pass along news from-- or hell, even tell them my mailing address, it's not like it'll be secret-- the discord (kink thinktank or maybe the secret lounge, you know the one). I'm not picky. It will be neat not to be cut off from everybody, if they decide to write. Except tuva. @uintuva I love you but please god don't write to me, I told them I didn't have any foreign attachments when they asked. If anything, pass along a letter to Sach, or Dallas-- have them print it and send it to me; mention no countries. I'm laughing rn. I'll warn them that you'll post the address. If you post a letter every day, or every other day, even if they're short, I promise I'll appreciate them. They'll be like a lifeline to the outside world. They'll reassure me you're fine and assuage me that stress and worry. Please remember that I love you, even if I didn't get to tell you in the short phone call. I likely called you before the flight there. It hasn't even been a day since you've heard my voice. Hell, I forgot-- you and mom and the kids are coming to see me off. I probably saw you earlier today-- for you. It's still October 26 (25th) for me. You saw me this morning but now you're going to sleep without me; it probably doesn't feel weird unless you focus on it. I could be in the shower, or in the kitchen, or at the gym. I could be at Brittany’s house. It's okay to tell yourself these lies, or to imagine me there-- imagine me at my desk, maybe, since you go to bed so much earlier-- to make yourself feel better, to help you sleep. Or maybe it hadn't hit yet and you're fine-- that's fine too. Or maybe you'll be okay the whole time. You'll miss me, sure. But maybe you'll smile and wish me luck and go to sleep easy, because I'm getting what I wanted, according to plan. I hope you find the happy parts of your days-- laugh at the kids, at David, and Jesse-- and write down jokes to share with me before you forget. Don't feel guilty at all, because I don't want you to be sad. I love you. I'm going to try to be looking forward to stuff/focusing on the nice things-- I just snorted a little thinking of you going “whole bed to myself” in the silly smug voice; I can already tell that one is going to be what I imagine at basic, the one I'll remember and smile about. I hope you check your tag and see this, though I'm sure I'll tell you about it. Aren't I so clever, figuring out how to write you even if they don't let me write you? I also set posts to schedule, funny things I scrolled past. The usual things that fill your tag. This way you know I'm still thinking of you; it's funny because I always tag you in things, right now in October, because I want you to know I'm thinking of you. Because I see funny things and think “Dallas” and I want you to see them. I'm so glad the technology exists for me to make sure your tag has new stuff every night while I'm away. I'm going to spend the next ten days (from Oct 26) writing you letters and reminding you of things. (Earlier I told you that I love you, that I love how we talk to each other, that I love the way you joke and how, specifically, you choose to say things to me; that I love how my face fits into your shoulder or your face, that the terms you choose to use tickle me pink. I laugh all the time with you. I'm happiest right next to you. I want to be with you forever.) Oh and here is a reminder: I'm so proud of you for getting through the day. Goodbyes are hard, even when they're temporary. You're not fat and I love you. You could lose the weight you need to lose this month and I’d be happy for you; you could delete the app and gain twenty pounds and be my handsome military husband, and I’d be ecstatic. I love everything about you (freckles) and you can reread this as many times as you need to in the next few days. (Not that I'm saying you'll need to. You're very self sufficient. But if you do need the words, they're here, and there’s no shame in giving yourself what you need.) Day one is done and now I've got to get through the first week. The second will be easier and then, the third, routine. It'll be okay. Everything will be fine. I love you. I miss you. I'll be back before you know it. Please write. Even if it's just a single page with “the dankest of dank memes” on it in size bazillion handwriting. Even if it's unimportant. Especially if it's unimportant stuff. Go around and ask everyone to say one nice sentence to me. Write down the sentence. Now you've got a letter. Tell me about your thoughts and your day. Tell me (android 16 voice) you saw a bird and it was pretty.