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lilchibi-chan · 2 years

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part 1

part 2

part 3

Hawks Mafia AU x Reader Pt 4 (part 1)

Hawks makes his way to the elevator of your apartment building and rides it down to the lobby. All the while, thinking about the ensuing war and what he can do to protect you.

This isn’t his first rodeo, but this time it’s different. He has someone he cares for, someone to protect. If Twice were to find out about you, that would crush him. He doesn’t want this to get any bigger than what it is.

It’s the next morning, 6 am to be exact. You hadn’t slept a wink. You make your way to the kitchen to heat up some water in your tea kettle. You take out a packet of tea from one of the cabinets and grab a mug to set your tea bag in.

You spent the whole night thinking. Thinking about Hawks. Thinking about when you’ll return to work. IF you wanted to go back to work at the diner.

You were still shaken up, as anyone would be in that situation, but you also knew you had to get back eventually.

You let out a heavy sigh.

Your tea kettle started going off with a loud whistle. You pour the boiling water into your mug, holding the small tab of your tea bag to prevent it from falling in. You let the tea steep a little before removing the tea bag to add milk and sugar.

You head over to your couch carefully holding your tea, as to not burn yourself with the hot liquid.

You place the tea on the coffee table and pick up the tv remote. You start to flick through the channels, despite knowing that the only thing really on at this time was the news and paid programming. You decide to look through Disney channel and Nickelodeon before finally deciding to watch spongebob.

You honestly just wanted it for the background noise, so you kept the volume low.

You return the tv remote to its spot on the table and pick up your mug. You gently blow and bring the mug to your lips.

You feel the warmth of the tea flowing throughout your whole body, as well as a sense of calm taking over.

You place your mug on the end table next to you, so that you didn’t have to keep sitting up for it every time you wanted some.

As time passed and the more tea you drank, you felt your eye lids getting heavier and heavier. Sleep finally taking over your body.

You decide to go to your bed, so you could sleep comfortably.

You lay down and instantly, the bed starts hugging every curve of your body and within an instant you drift off to sleep.

You start to dream even.

A soft breeze, started hitting your face. It felt like spring. You open your eyes to see a peach colored sky and flower petals falling from the trees.

The petals lightly floating in the breeze, caressing your hair and skin every so often.

You continue you to look up at the sky and it starts to turn a crimson red color. The clouds turn black. The flower petals that once caressed your face are no longer, as they turned into ash. Falling from the sky like black snow.

A hand comes around and grips your face to cover your mouth.

You start to hear a sinister laugh, followed by a menacing voice.

“He really thought I would never find you” the voice says, followed by another laugh

The hand moves from your mouth to the back of your head swiftly and you soon felt your head being pushed to the ground with excessive force, but before you could hit the ground, you wake up.

You look at your alarm clock and it’s 9 am. The shock of the dream still hitting you. A lump forming in your throat from the fear.

“What was that dream” you think to yourself

You decide to check your phone and notice you have a couple missed calls from Hawks, your boss and your best friend.

You decide to call your best friend first since you haven’t spoken to them since you both worked a shift together prior to the incident. They’re actually the reason you got a job at the diner in the first place. You’ve known each other forever and even made sure to get in the same college, even if you didn’t end up rooming together.

They started working at the diner before you did and put in a good word with the owner, who is also your boss, and you started work a couple days later.

“Hey girlyyy~” they say excitedly

“Hey,” you say, trying to match their energy

“How are you feeling?,” they start,“I’ve been trying to check on you, but I also didn’t want to corner you or your emotions if I called or texted too much”

You let out a small sigh/laugh.

“I’ve been holding up. Honestly, I’ve been kinda distracted to really stop and think about it,” you say, your voice coming out happier at the thought of your very handsome distraction

“Oh?” they say interested,“details please”

You giggle

“His name is Hawks and he’s actually one of our regulars”

“Which one?”

“He has blonde hair, these really beautiful, amber colored eyes and always wears like REALLY nice suits. Like nicer than all the other men that come into the diner.”

“OHHH,” they say realizing who you’re talking about,“oh he’s fuckin hot”

This causes you to laugh

“Hm really? I haven’t noticed,” you say

“Oh you so totally have,” they say teasing you

You laugh

“I was just joking,” you say smiling,“I have definitely noticed, but he’s also very mysterious and kind. He’s actually the one who helped me that night. If he wasn’t there I-”

“Hey, you don’t have to think about that. All that matters is yourself now and the scumbag can’t lay a hand on you again”

“You don’t know that though. If I go back, how do we know he won’t try anything?”

It was quiet for a second

“You’re right. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I wasn’t thinking”

“I-it’s okay. I’m sorry for snapping at you. You were just trying to be positive and-”

“Dude, you literally have every right to snap at me. You went through something traumatic. Something I can’t even begin to understand how it feels, no matter how hard I try. I shouldn’t have said what I said, so thank you for holding me accountable,” they say reassuring you

Again it’s quiet. You try to fight the tears from forming, but you feel your eyes start to fill up.

“…I was so scared. I thought he was gonna-”

“I’m coming over,” they say as soon as they hear you crying,“should be to you in about 5 minutes. see you soon.”

You try and pull yourself together before your best friend arrives, but the tears continue to fall. You haven’t cried until now and it just feels like everything is hitting you all at once. Like a dam that held in too much and finally cracked.

Your best friend makes it to your door in exactly five minutes and rushes inside, surprising you a bit.

Seeing the tears streaming down your face, they immediately pull you into a hug and rub your back.

“Let it out babes”

****************************************************

Once you get your bearings, your best friend makes you a cup of tea to help calm your nerves.

“Careful, it’s hot,” they say handing you the mug

You give a small smile, as a way to say thank you.

They join you again on the sofa, adjusting the blanket you have over your legs and put their legs under as well.

“Ya know, that’s the first time I’ve cried since the attack happened,” you say

“Sometimes when people go through something traumatic, their emotions can shut down. You probably held it in for so long that you finally just broke,” they start

“Y/n, you went through something so incredibly horrible and I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you’re feeling, but I am always here you and it is okay to cry and be angry and feel hurt. Whenever you need to cry or feel like you want to hit something, just do it,” they end, never breaking eye contact with you

“I’ve spent this whole time..basically distracting myself. Telling myself ‘no, this won’t break me’ and now here I am,” you say, a small laugh/scoff escaping your mouth,“I can’t let him take my power away from me. I refuse.”

“And he won’t. Y/n, you are not broken because of this. You have always been resilient, no matter what you’ve had to face and I know that you can will get past this. It’s gonna take time and a lot of healing, but you will come out on the other side.”

You lay across to the other side of the couch, hugging your best friend’s waist. They hug you back and rub your shoulder.

Tears slowly leave your eyes, until you let sleep take over.

******************************************************

When you wake up, it’s 4 pm. You basically missed the whole day, but that was the last thing on your mind.

You realize your best friend’s legs were no longer under your head, so you sit up to look around for any sign of them still being in your apartment.

You see a note on your end table.

went out to get food to make dinner ♥️

You hear knocks at your door and decide to check your best friends location. You see they’re still at the grocery store and have been for the past few minutes.

“who could that be” you think to yourself

You look through the peep hole and see Hawks standing there.

“H-Hawks, w-what’re you doing here,” you ask slightly in shock, but happy for the most part

“Well, I called and you didn’t answer, so I got worried. I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” he speaks honestly

“Yeah, I’m okay…physically. It’s been…kind of a rough day,” you say, not making eye contact with him

You feel his arms wrap around you and he starts to rub your back.

He walks you back into the apartment, so that you weren’t left standing in the hallway and closes the door behind the both of you.

When you pull away from the hug, you look up at him and he kisses your forehead.

Art by cherryviii

Thank you so much for reading !! I’m splitting this in two parts because I have held it hostage for long enough 😂

Working on part two neow!!!

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pbandjesse · 11 months

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Today was kind of a logistical nightmare for me. And like it was fine in the end because we got through it but man. I hate when things are set up to fail.

I also just slept horribly last night. It was super super windy and it was just so loud and we should have just closed the windows but we didn't and so I woke up a ton. I also had really really intense nightmares. And so when I woke up I just felt so crummy. Like to the point I may have called out. But I know Elizabeth would be sad. So I got myself together and went to camp.

James was a little to hovery because they knew I wasn't feeling right. But I needed space so I tried not to be a huge bitch about it but basically waited until they left for work to do my makeup and finish getting ready. And then grabbed the sandwich they made for me because they love me so much and it made me feel less cranky about everything. Knowing how loved I am. Love them so much.

I got to camp at 8 and after getting my walkie and big spray I went to see Elizabeth and get the ropes key and the schedule for the day. That is when I noticed that the programs were an hour and a half with 15 minutes between them. So basically an hour and 45 minutes. For 5 kids to do programs that we struggle to fill an entire hour with normally. When we have 16 kids. So I was like hey, this on purpose? And she was just like oh, well just do whatever you can. So I was very stressed about this basically all morning. We probably said it to many times between me and Celia to the chaperones but they were a bit confused about it too. Like. It's just a lot of time! Longer then yesterday's when we were doing the same programs. So it was just really weird.

And then a bunch of stuff went awry. I went and set up ropes and Cecilia came up to get the old water cooler I found. And then no one was ready at 845 when we should have all basically been at the hacienda. And then I'm getting called to come down to the rock wall but then Tony (welcome back Tony!!) took over that and so I went back to the hacienda. Where we got a call that all the other water coolers were missing. And poor Sarah was driving around on the gator to try and find them. And then Brayden was there to get the group for horses. And then Celia was there and so we also took our ropes group and we were off.

We started right at 9. And we're basically done by 930. The program was supposed to go until 1045. So this was no good.

We would go and try the whale watcher. And I told them I can do my musuem tour as a podcast and so I did that with Celia playing the part of the children when I ask questions and the chaperone doing hand motions to act out what I was saying and it was really silly and fun.

Once I got like 5 or so minutes in to my speech I said I would go up to horses to check in.

Laney and Rachel were up there and they were also basically done. It was like 945 at this point. And they brought out paint to paint on the horses, just to fill the time, and they said I could bring out group up and have both groups up there. And once the first horse group was done painting they could do ropes.

This sort of worked. It was nice petting the horses. But then one of the girls, who of course really loved the horses, started having an allergic reaction. So I would take 4 of the 5 kids, who the chaperone took the girl having the reaction to their medical person.

This group has the highest support needs and while they were having fun, me and Celia were essentially the only spotters and they kept falling on me!! We were all laughing but these kids were mostly bigger then me and I was going to be, as one girl said, "squished like a pancake."

After they got bored of the ropes we went to the whale watcher. But they didn't understand or didn't want to actually balance. Instead they were for sure sensory seeking and were just slamming the seesaw down. For like a few minutes. It was loud and eventually Elizabeth called us and told us she could hear it across camp and we had to stop.

It was about 11 at this point. I will remind you that the first program should have been 9 to 1030, then the second program was 1045 to 1215. So it being 11 you see the problem. So I made the call to take them to arts to paint.

And that ended up being great. We went up there and I got them watercolors and they really seemed to enjoy it. It was just really pleasant and I felt happy. And I was happy when one of the boys, Calder, kept telling me how happy he was.

Celia had made a stop at the office to get a sweatshirt and when she came and joined us she let me know that all the other program areas had basically given up and they all cleaned up already. One group was in the field, one was playing diskgolf, who knows where the other one was. So Celia went to pack up low ropes, and around noon I took the group to lunch.

Me and Celia get along a lot. She lets me be very silly and we basically just use internet lingo all day which is just really goofy. I also showed her my fidgets and she told me about hers. I'm excited she's going to be specialty staff this summer.

We headed back to the office. Checked in with Elizabeth. She told me she also has a tummy ache. She told us that if anyone wanted to stay for hours they could but if not we could go.

I was hungry and was still not feeling myself. I was able to mostly hold it together for work but I was ready to get out of there.

I went to hunt valley and got a burrito at chipotle. I ate outside and it was beautiful out. It made me feel a little better.

I walked to Marshalls next. Where I got a candle and a cardigan and some body oil that smells like strawberry candy. And I just had a nice time looking around.

But I was ready to go home. I put on loud music to keep myself awake. I also drove with the windows down because it felt so nice out. And when I got home I got changed and showered. I cleaned the bottom of the fish tanks. And laid down.

I mostly just watched videos but eventually I did fall asleep. And had pretty intense dreams again. No idea why they have been so strong lately.

When I woke up James was there. They would make us nachos for dinner. I wouldn't feel ideal. So even though I already took a shower I decided to take a bath and fill wash my hair and shave my legs and it helped. While I was in there James went for a walk.

When they got back we just talked for a while. Hung out with Sweetp. Eventually got in bed to lay around and watch tiktoks together. And now the sun has set, surprising us both. I am going to go moisturize my face and get ready to sleep.

I have tomorrow off. And I am hoping to make a target run for some stuff. And clean the apartment. But mostly I just want to be alone. Which sounds terrible but also I haven't been a lone a lot lately and I'm sure the sun has been a big culprit in my tiredness but I also have not had any time to be by myself and we set. So let's hope tomorrow helps me out.

Sleep well everyone. Take care of each other! Goodnight!!

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asterlizard · 4 months

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UK Trip October 2023 (Part 1)

(oh boy I have missed doing one of these!)

This was the first time travelling since the pandemic began, so of course there was a bit of stress while prepping for this trip. But because we were careful throughout the trip, we avoided anything that could have hindered us.

This felt like a part two to our trip back in 2019, with some unfinished business finally feeling finished. And yet, with only two weeks of travel time, even more unfinished business was made!

Like our previous trip, our flight would leave in the middle of the day, so we had to wake up pretty early in order to get to SFO, check-in, and board the plane on time.

Unfortunately for us, we didn't get much sleep that night. We also used a different ride-share service this time, rather than taking the bus, because our schedules would have conflicted.

We met up at 7:15, and had a good chat with our driver for almost the entire trip, who was from a small town in the Balkans of Bulgaria. When he brought this up, I brought up what I knew about the culture, mainly roses and yogurt (cultural knowledge is a really good ice-breaker!) While chatting, we'd deviate to other topics, including computer science and the rise of A.I. As we drove through San Francisco, he even recommended a restaurant to us! (Kevin's Noodle House)

We arrived at the airport after 9 AM, and checked our bags in pretty quickly. Our flight wasn't until 12:30, so we had plenty of time to kill. I did have a little something to eat before going through customs, but alas I wasn't hungry enough didn't have anything else until the flight.

The flight itself wasn't packed at all! I'm so used to flying during busy seasons, and this flight was like half full! We even got to move to an empty row so we could have a space to ourselves! (Thanks Shawn!)

While we wanted to be careful and were prepared to wear our masks during the flight, because we had plenty of space (There was someone in the row ahead of us, but they slept almost the entire flight, and an empty row in front of them) we didn't really need to! There was also plenty of hand sanitizer on board which I used multiple times to keep my mind at ease. And there were no screaming babies! It was a very pleasant flight!

Wildfire over Idaho?

Entertainment-wise, I got to watch two films on the flight:

'6/45': a funny Korean film about soldiers from the North and South fighting over a winning lottery ticket across the DMZ

'Lost Love': a bittersweet Hong Kong film about a couple who recently lost their young child to an illness, eventually trying out fostering children

Also got to listen to some 80s and 90s music (no 60s or 70s anymore it seems, RIP)

During the night portion of our trip, I saw the stars so clearly (alas I couldn't take good photos) It's also been a while since I've arrived in LHR during the dark. Day just started to break as we were landing.

Once we got to LHR, we travelled by rail to stay at a friend of mum's for a couple of nights (first time taking the Elizabeth Line! Though there were some delays)

When we got there, mum's friend drove us to Hastings and gave us a bit of a tour along the beachside.

Note: I'm using an old camera that has a few cracks in the lens that is unfortunately visible in some photos like the one above. I won't be sharing much of these.

They had a cute working mini railway! With a proper mini crossing!

>:U

Stopped to have a sample of some fudge (it was really really good, mum commented it was how her mum used to make it, I wish I had more!)

This place is so charming!

Tumblr is now limiting how many photos I can add to a post, and I don't have the heart to remove photos I want to share, so this journal will be split into multiple parts.

Here is part 2: [link]

#my posts #my photos #>:[ is my face at tumblr's new 30 image limit #which is why this journal has multiple parts

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rhaenyras · 7 months

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I am a 19-year-old orphan. When I was growing up, my father was my rock, a gentle, caring single parent. He struggled with mental illness (I found out after he died) but would do anything to protect me and my siblings. Our mother died of AIDS when I was 5.

I was nine when my father died. My brother and sister were teenagers. On the day it happened, my father had just had a fight with my brother; he stormed off to another part of the house, but didn’t see me follow. Then, he killed himself. I ran towards him, screaming, but he died before I reached him. The police and ambulance arrived and took my father away; we never saw him again. My siblings and I slept at the hospital that night and moved in with our grandmother soon afterwards.

That day remains the most traumatic of my life. Sometimes I still cannot believe it and think he is alive. I blame myself. I did nothing, paralysed by fear. I could have saved him, but didn’t. I don’t know how to get over this. I left school because I just didn’t go, and have been hospitalised twice. It has ruined me more than either of my siblings (though they are sad) because he was my hero. I grieve and miss him every day. My nightmares are haunted by him dying over and over again. I barely sleep. Even ten years later, I am becoming ill with grief and hardly eat. I don’t know what to do.

oh dear... i truly see where you´re coming from, i understand the trauma and the unhealed wounds you carry inside you, i even understand the sense of guilt stemming from your own helplessness back then... but rationally speaking, how could you ever have saved him? you were NINE. what is a 9 year old child supposed to be if not helpless? ordinary kids at that age don´t even know how to look after themselves, how is it fair to expect of your 9 year old self that she was supposed to thwart and prevent her own father´s suicide attempt? it´s not only unfair, it is simply irrational and needlessly cruel. so don´t torture yourself so. you´re young still, and life is a long streak of losses. you´ve already known the first, so you know what to expect. but you must survive through all of them nevertheless. it´s what your father would have wanted. it´s what you owe yourself and that little helpless 9 year old kid. also i believe you would benefit from some therapy. hopefully with that and your loved ones´ help, you´re gonna be able to forgive yourself and move on from an event that, as traumatic and painful as it was, you could have in no way prevented

#ask #anon #anonymous

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bing-bang-bingo · 3 years

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- 4x3: c. 40:00 Cas comforts Dean after Mary makes a deal w/ Azazel

- 4x7: 15:50 Dean stops Sam from shooting Cas, then Sam mentions that he’s “heard a lot about him”

- 4x7: 39:00 Cas tells Dean he prayed he’d save the town, then he tells him about his doubts and Deans future troubles

- 4x10 & ???: Dean calls “last night on Earth” his best line. He uses this line on Cas

- 4x10: 27:15 “Castiel has this weakness. He likes you.”

- 4x10: 32:50 Cas looking jealous and sad when Dean kisses Anna

- 4x16: 7:30 Cas tells Dean he got in trouble for showing emotion and getting to close to Dean. 8:20 “I would give anything not to have you do this”

- 4x16: 39:00 Cas warns Dean to be careful while Dean is in the hospital, they discuss the first seal and saving Dean from hell

- 4x18: 31:30 Cas tells Dean how to save Sam from Lilith even though he’s not allowed to interfere

- 4x20: 38:00 Deans face when Cas tells him he “learned his lesson when he was in heaven”

- 4x22: 30:40 Cas considers rebelling for Dean. 33:00 He does. 35:20 He fights multiple Archangels for Dean

- 5x1: 5:45 Dean denies Cas’ death 8:25 “I learned that from my friend Cas you son of a bitch”

- 5x1: 31:00 Cas saves Sam and Dean from Zach

- 5x3: 6:10 Cas-“I need your help because your the only one who will help me”

- 5x3: 10:20 Dean fixes Cas’ tie and jacket

- 5x4: 38:50 “Don’t Ever Change”

- 5x8: 38:20 Dean makes Gabriel bring Cas back, then makes sure he’s okay

- 5x13: ?:?? Cas won’t let Dean meet with Anna because it’s not safe

- 5x17: 30:30 Cas and Dean discuss what it’s like to have a deadbeat dad

- 5x18: 25:15 Cas kicks Deans ass for trying to sacrifice himself

- 5x21: 3:50 Cas and Dean bickering like and old married couple then Cas gives Dean a heartfelt apology.

- 6x17: 18:55 “No you’re confusing me with the other angel, the one in the dirty trench coat who is in love with you.”

- 6x17: 38:00 Sam: “So you killed 50,000 people for us?” Cas: *looks at Dean*

- 6x19: 25:20 Bobby reassures Cas that they’ll be back soon, Cas acts like a worried and disappointed wife.

- 6x19: 36:25 Cas yelling “Dean!” when Eve bites him

- 6x19: 40:00 Dean is the only one who doesn’t think Cas is working with Crowley (he’s wrong but it’s sweet)

- 6x20: 4:50 Dean v v worried, “But Cas you’ll call right? If you get into real trouble?”

- 6:30 Crowley implies that Cas is distracted by Dean and tells him he reeks of the Impala.

- 7:20 Cas says that Dean taught him how to care and what to care about. Then Cas saves Sam (for Dean)

- 13:15 Cas says that the worst part of working with Crowley (basically his sworn natural enemy) is that it hurt Dean and that he hated lying to him.

- 25:20 Cas refuses to ask Dean for help because he has “sacrificed too much” even though it means Cas could die.

- 26:00 Crowley tells Cas he has a way for everyone to get a happy ending “with all possible entendres intended” while Cas stares longingly at Dean.

- 33:00 Dean is close to tears when he learns that Cas is working with Crowley, Cas says he did it to protect Dean.

- 35:25 “Dammit Cas we can fix this!” “Dean it’s not broken!” He then tells the boys to run from the demon cloud and Dean gives him the saddest look in the world before being forced to leave him behind.

- 38:00 Cas watches Dean sleep. “I’m doing this for you Dean. I’m doing this because of you!”

- 6x21: 22:40 “I do everything you ask. I always come when you call and I am your friend. Still despite your lack of faith in me and now your threats I’ve just saved you yet again. Has anyone but your closest kin ever done more for you?”

- 6x22: Dean to Cas- “Don’t make me lose you, too.”

- 7x2: 5:35 Dean nearly cries on screen when he thinks Cas is dead

- 7x17: Cas says “I remember ~you~” as soon as he regains his memories.

- 7x17: Cas ask why Dean didn’t tell him all the horrible things Cas did. Parallels the conversation Karen and Dean had about telling Bobby she remembered him killing her and her telling Dean that he had never been on love before.

- 7x21: The face Dean makes when he sees Cas again plus the prolonged eye contact when Cas says Deans name.

- 7x21: Hester telling Dean that when Cas first saved him from Hell he was lost- parallels- Lucifer/Jess saying she was dead the moment she met Sam.

- 7x23: 8:50 “Go ask him. He was your boyfriend first.” Meg to Dean about Cas

- 7x23: 32:45 “I’m sorry but I’d rather have you, cursed or not.”

- 7x23: 36:50 Cas steps in to protect Dean despite spending the whole season avoiding fighting and saying he won’t fight.

- 8x2: 25:00 Cas ran away to keep the Leviathans away from Dean. Dean refuses to leave purgatory without Cas.

- 8x7: 20:30 Deans reaction to seeing Cas all cleaned up.

- 8x7: Dean convinced himself that it was his fault Cas was still in purgatory because he’s a sweet idiot boy who hates himself

- 8x7: 35:00 The whole Dean and Cas conversation about purgatory and Cas doing stuff that puts him in danger.

- 8x8: 12:30 Cas just casually going through Deans stuff and Dean not saying anything.

- 8x8: 13:00 Cas offering to watch over Dean while he slept

- 8x8: 15:15 Dean talks to Cas about feelings and heaven even though Dean hates talking about feelings.

- 8x17: Cas fights Naomi’s mind control for Dean

- 8x23: 22:50 Dean and Cas sadly discuss Cas closing the doors of heaven and say goodbye

- 9x1: Dean prays to Cas and tells him he isn’t mad about the angels falling.

- 9x1: Cas’ first instinct is to explain himself to Dean then to come help him.

- 9x1: Dean begs Cas to “for once, look out for yourself.”

- 9x3: 36:45 Dean to Cas after Cas came back from the dead “Don’t you ever do that again!”

- 9x6: Literally just Dean trying desperately the whole episode to hang out with Cas

- 9x10: 26:00 Dean and Cas talk about how Cas is doing and Dean offers him a rare sincere apology. Plus the “I prefer the term ‘trusting’. Less dumb, less ass.” dialogue

- 9x18: Cas’ little smile when Dean makes a joke about Honor Bars and Cas is just so happy to hear his voice.

- 9x18: Metatron’s illusion of Gabriel calls Cas Dean’s boy-toy

- 9x18: Cas can tell something is wrong with Dean, then Cas yells at Dean about getting the Mark of Cain

- 9x22: Cas chooses Dean over all of Heaven once again

- 9x22: The Cas and Dean conversation about the three of them being enough when an army wasn’t and Cas giving up an army all for Dean

- 9x23: “I’m blaming you for taking Cas’ grace.”

- 10x1: 5:00 Cas about Dean- “I miss him.”

- 10x2: 9:00 Cas’ reaction to learning that Dean is a demon

- 10x3: The conversation between Dean and Cas at the end of the episode. “You look terrible” “You on the other hand, your looking good.”

- 10x5: Deans reaction to Cas and Dean actors hugging and holding hands

- 10x5: “Put as much sub into that text as you possibly can.” *looks directly at fake Cas*

- 10x9: 15:00 Cas tells Dean he’s a good role model. Then asks him if he’s okay and when Dean lies and says he is he pushes it further. Dean makes Cas promise to kill him if he goes Dark

- 10x22: Dean and Cas fight and parallel Cain and his Wife.

- 10x23: Dean sees Cas’ bloody face in the mirror

- 11x1: Cas being more worried about Dean than himself even though Cas is under a spell that will kill him.

- 11x2: Dean calling Cas and stressing out when he doesn’t answer

- 11x3: Dean trying to coax Cas out of the attack dog spell, refusing to fight back when Cas was attacking, freaking out when Cas took a minute to wake up, refusing to let Cas heal him (because he “had it coming”), and refusing to let Cas apologize (because “there’s nothing to apologize for”).

- 11x10: “Dean, I came as soon as you called.” Also: “Stick your tongue out.” Dean-*does*

- 11x11: Dean realizing that something is wrong with Cas (while he is possessed by Lucifer)

- 11x11: Mildred says that Dean is pining for someone else(probably meant to be a reference to Amara, but she told him this after he had seen Cas for the first time in a few days.)

- 11x14: The sadness on Deans face when he realizes Cas is Lucifer and then his determination to save Cas

- 11x15: Dean getting kinda dark when he talks about what he’s willing to do to save Cas and he prioritizes saving Cas over bearing Amara.

- 11x17: Dean once again prioritizing saving Cas over saving the world. Sam reassuring Dean that they’ll save Cas (even though Dean didn’t say anything about what was upsetting him)

- 11x17: The camera zooming in on Dean after Michelle says that there is no normal after losing the man you love.

- 11x18: Dean refuses to put Lucifer in the cage or let him fight Amara while using Cas as his vessel.

- 11x18: The difference in the way Dean looks at Lucifer vs at Cas

- 11x18: Dean about Cas: “Lets go find that idiot and bring him home.”

- 11x19: Dean has been looking for leads non stop for a week since Amara took Cas

- 11x21: Amara uses Cas’s heart to find Dean, then shows Dean images of Cas beaten and bloodied to convince him to turn against Chuck

- 11x23: Dean’s face when he realizes Cas is back and Lucifer is gone.

- 11x23: Dean tells Cas he isn’t stupid and that he always helps

- 11x23: Cas: “Dean are you okay? How do you feel?”

- 11x23: Cas hugging Dean super tight before he goes off to die. Dean entrusting his life’s purpose (look after Sam) then thanking him for everything.

- 12x1: Cas seeing that Dean is alive and hugging him while his voice breaks.

- 12x1: Cas taking the job Dean have him very seriously

- 12x2: Dean adorably venting to Cas about his mommy-issues

- 12x3: Dean- “Morning sunshine want some coffee.” Cas- “No thank you.”

- 12x7: “Well at least I don’t look like a lumberjack.” They are such husbands

- 12x7: “Engaged in what Cas? killing you?”

- 12x8: Cas being so worried about what happened to Sam and DEAN that Kelly escaped.

- 12x9: Mary-“You left them!” Cas- *voice breaking* “Dean told me to go!” Also, just Cas looking so hard for them.

- 12x9: Cas blaming himself for Sam and Dean being taken

- 12x9 Cas knowing how long the boys have been gone down to the hour.

- 12x9: Cas’s voice and eyes when he hears Dean’s voice on the phone.

- 12x9: Cas killing Billie because “You mean too much to me” and “The world needs as many Winchesters as it can get.”

- 12x10: Poor Sam having to deal with Cas and Dean while they fight like an old married couple.

- 12x10: Dean immediately telling Ishim to go to hell when he insults Cas

- 12x10: Sam telling Dean to go to Cas when Dean thought Cas was in trouble

- 12x10: Cas immediately believing Dean about Ishim even though they’re mad at each other. Dean about to let Ishim kill him to save Cas.

- 12x10: Ishim comparing Dean and Cas’s relationship to Ishims relationship with his human lover, then saying he was going to cut Cas’s human weakness

- 12x11: “And Cas is my best friend.”

- 12x12: Dean about Cas- “My shy but devastatingly handsome friend here...”

- 12x12: Dean stressing out and voice breaking as he tries to comfort poisoned Cas

- 12x12: LITERALLY TOLD DEAN THAT HE LOVED HIM WHILE CAS WAS DYING

- 12x12: *looking at Dean* “I love you.” Then adds “I love all of you”

- 12x12: Cas- “Run.” Dean- “Cas, no.”

- 12x12: The look Dean gives Cas when he won’t stop staring at him after he’s healed.

- 12x14: Dean says some very harsh stuff to Mary after finding out the reason they Cas almost died at the lake house was because Mary was working for the British Men of Letters

- 12x15: Dean could tell something was up with Cas after talking to him for less than a minute, over the phone.

- 12x18: Sam trying to make Dean feel better about not hearing from Cas.

- 12x19: Dean literally always acting like a scorned wife when Cas comes back after long periods of time

- 12x19: Dean made Cas a mixtape

- 12x19: Cas- “I ~needed~ to came back here with a win for you.”

- 12x19: Cas- *gesturing between Dean and himself* “You mean... we?” Dean- “Yes, dumbass, we.”

- 12x23: Dean screaming for Cas when he attacks Lucifer and trying to chase after him forcing Sam to drag Dean back through the rift. A direct parallel to Dean pulling Sam away from Jess and the fire in Pilot

- 12x23: Dean kneeling next to Cas’s dead body looking up at the sky completely devastated.

- 13x1: Dean couldn’t bring himself to say dead when referring to Cas

- 13x1: Dean PRAYED to GOD to bring Cas back

- 13x1: “We just lost ~everything~. And now you’re gonna bring ~him~ back.”

- 13x1: Dean personally wrapping Cas’s body and giving him a hunters funeral.

- 13x1: The look of complete devastation on Dean’s face when he burns Cas’s body.

- 13x3: Dean refusing to help save Jack because he blames him for manipulating Cas and getting him killed.

- 13x4: The Empty to Cas: “I know what you love, what you fear. There is nothing for you back there.” He loves Dean and Cas fears that Dean doesn’t love him back.

- 13x5: Sam being worried about Dean who has given up all hope since Cas died.

- 13x5: Dean being so distressed thinking Cas is gone forever that he tries to kill himself

- 13x5: Dean seeing Cas alive again and they both have tears in their eyes.

- 13x6: Dean hugging Cas and saying he’s been gone for “too damn long”

- 13x6: Dean being immediately happier and nicer to everyone once Cas is back

- 13x6: Cas saying “Yes. Yes, he does” (in response to Jack saying Dean really likes cowboys) with the tone of an exhausted spouse.

- 13x6: “I told you, he’s an angry sleeper. Like a bear.”

- 13x6: Dean made Cas watch Tombstone with him.

- 13x6: Dean and Cas dresses like cowboy husbands.

- 13x6: Cas saying “I’m your huckleberry” to Dean in a deep accent and Dean looking away.

- 13x6: Their undercover names are Russel and Kilmer

- 13x14: The whole scene where Cas and Dean fight Gog/Magog and act like an old married couple.

- 13x14: The angry, dark look Cas gives Donatello when he tries to kill Dean

- 13x16: “Dean has him by the thigh!” Cas, jealously: “He ~what~?”

- 13x16: “and that includes the Cartwright twins.” Cas, again jealously: “what did you do with the Cartwright twins?”

- 13x19: Cas angrily confronting Naomi about forcing him to kill a bunch of Dean clones.

- 13x21: Cas secretly sliding Dean more pizza when Mary and Sam left the room.

- 13x21: Cas having to hold Dean back from going after Sam. Dean would have beat the shit out of anyone else who tried to stop him.

- 13x23: Cas trying to stop Dean from giving himself to Michael even if it meant losing Sam AND Jack

- 13x23: Cas sitting alone in the bum jet with tears in his eyes after Dean left

- 14x1: Demon: “How is it you lost Dean. I thought you two were joined at the... everything.”

- 14x1: Dean trying to save Cas from Lucifer then vs Cas trying to save Dean from Michael now

- 14x3: The look that Dean and Cas give each other when Dean comes home.

- 14x9: Cas almost being happy seeing Dean happy. And then having to force himself to not be happy so he doesn’t die.

- 14x12: Cas being phased at Dean for wanting to put himself in the box with Michael forever

- 14x14: Cas is the only Dean will let talk to him about Michael and be honest about how Dean feels

- 14x14: “No, it’s on us.”

- 14x14: Cas’s voice breaking when he talks about the possibility of Dean dying one day.

- 14x18: The pure self loathing in Cas’s eyes when he feels like he failed Dean by not telling him about Jack’s soul.

- 15x2: “You asked ‘what about all of this is real?’ We are.” THE MOST ROMANTIC LINE EVER. (Plus later Eileen and Sam have the same conversation but they get to kiss because homophobia)

- 15x9- 20:00 Dean said that they lost everyone they cared about, then added Cas specifically. Then he says “I had to bury him” not “we”

- 15x9- 23:00 Dean cries when he can’t find Cas. Then he prays to him and apologizes for letting him go. He falls to his knees praying to him and fully crying

- 15x12: “I created the world.” *shows Destiel*

- 15x15: This time when Dean sees Cas leaving the bunker, he stops him. (In reference to Cas saying “you didn’t stop me” when Dean got mad at him for leaving)

- 15x16: This is the the only version of Cas that rebelled for Dean. This universe is literally being saved repeatedly because of Cas’s love for Dean

- 15x18: CAS CONFESSES HIS LOVE TO DEAN then goes to mega hell for being gay

Anyway, Cas loves Dean and Dean LOVES HIM BACK, OKAY?!?!? Feel free to add more

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harryhoney-bee · 3 years

Note

I'm feeling really soft and fuzzy today, So if I can request something I want to do that abeja 🐝💓

#Concept: Nightly routine with y/n and Harry- parents of two little babies.

Tag me if you write this baby ✨✨

Adore you alot 💕

Night Routine

Warning: your ovaries might explode... mine did 🤚🏻 I would give this man 9 children if he asked.

Word count: 1.7k

I have a kofi, so please consider buying me coffee if you can <3

I hope you enjoy it!! Let me know what you think 😚

“But I want to take a beth with him, daddy,” Cecília whined to Harry, while he undressed her, putting her new pajamas and towel on the bathroom counter.

“My little darling, he is still little, he can’t take bath with you,” Harry explained, taking Cecí on his lap and putting her inside the warm tub, handing her some of her favorite toys. “Lorenzo is just 6 months, he’s not as big as you.”

Harry made a bowl with his hands, wetting her curly hair and applying shampoo, a pout still on her face. “Please, daddy?” she said, her chubby hand grabbing his arm. Cecí had already mastered her puppy eyes technique, and she knew how much her dad had a weak spot for her.

“Alright, alright,” He finally gave in, “but he will stay outside of the tub, he doesn’t know how to sit by himself.”

“Thank you, daddy!” The girl splashed water around in excitement, which made Harry smile. That’s how he always wanted to see her: happy and healthy.

Harry went to the door, keeping an eye on the girl in the tub. “Baby? Are you done nursing? Cecí wants to see Lorenzo,” he tried to call his wife as loud as he could while being mindful of Lorenzo, who could be asleep by now. He never wanted to alarm any of him or Cecília with his loud voice.

In a matter of seconds, Y/n appeared in the hallway, a confused expression on her face while Lorenzo was calmly laying down on her arms, his little hands resting on Y/n’s shoulders. “What’s wrong? Why does she want to see him? We just had diner together,” she asked, heading in Harry’s direction.

“I’m not sure, guess she just missed him,” Harry answered, giving his wife a kiss on the forehead and bending down to talk to a very awake Lorenzo. “But who wouldn’t miss you, huh? Such a cutie, right buddy?” he was aware that using a baby voice wasn’t the best, but he couldn’t help, Lorenzo was just extremely adorable.

“Mommy! Enzo!” Cecília called, from the opposite side of the bathroom, “come here mommy, miss you too.”

Y/n sat on the bathroom floor, Lorenzo still with her. “Hey, my heart, having a good bath with daddy?” she asked at the same time Harry sat down by her side and hugged her from the side, laying his chin on her head.

“Yeah! Daddy always let me play,” Cecília took one of the yellow ducks and showed her mom, “This is Mc Duck.”

“Wow, he’s a very beautiful duck isn’t he?” She asked, giving Lorenzo to Harry while kneeling near the bathtub since Cecí still had to wash her hair, Y/n gently took the excess of shampoo from the girl’s hair, while Harry tried to keep Lorenzo entertained by singing him a silly song.

“He is, I love yellow,” the little girl admitted, “I think Lorenzo loves yellows too.”

“And why do you think that, Cecí?” Harry asked amused while pretending to eat the boy’s fingers.

“Because we’re are best friends,” She said as if the answer was obvious, “and friends like the same things.” Y/n and Harry looked at each other and laughed, for a five-year-old girl she knew a lot about relationships.

“Oh, how do you know that?” Y/n asked, finishing washing her hair, letting Cecília enjoy her time in the bath.

“Because you and daddy are best friends, you wear the same clothes sometimes, listen to the same music, and watch the same movies,” with every new topic she would count down on her fingers, it was quite a comical sight.

Harry’s chuckle filled the room, the baby on his lap giggled too. “Well, my little lady, you are right. But friends can also like different things, too,” he told her. “Me and mommy like a lot of similar things, but we also have our preferences.”

“Exactly, daddy loves bananas, but I don’t” y/n complemented, getting Cecília out of the tub, helping her into some warm clothes, “I don’t like to work out, but your dad always wakes up early to go for a run, see? We like different things but we still love each other.”

Harry got up from the floor, rocking Lorenzo softly, his heavy eyes indicating how sleepy the baby was. He took the combing cream in his hand and began combing Cecília’s curls with one hand, while his other arm held Lorenzo. Being a father of two made him very talented at doing two things at the same time. While he did that, Y/n was getting Cecí’s toothpaste ready.

“Daddy, do you love mommy even if she doesn’t go running with you?” Cecí asked, before opening her mouth so Y/n could brush her teeth. Normally they would let Cecília do it by herself, with their supervision, but it was already late and the couple desperately needed to get the children to bed, or else their routine would be messed up. Good thing Lorenzo seemed to be falling asleep already.

“Of course I do! We don’t love people just because they do the same things we do, we love people because they are kind and respectful to us, yeah?” Harry said, looking at Y/n and blowing her a kiss. This is what he loved the most about parenthood: watching the kids growing into their best version.

Parenting was made in many different ways, but the couple especially loved having these kinds of conversations. Even though Cecília was still young, she was already beginning to comprehend what love and friendships were, and Harry and Y/n had the privilege to teach her that.

Harry finished her hair, putting the brush and the products in their place under the sink while Y/n put on some socks on Cecí’s feet, the little girl was yawning, seeming tired. Lorenzo started to fussy on Harry’s arms.

“Guess it’s time to sleep, huh?” Harry said, caressing Cecílias head, “Tired, my baby? Want daddy to read a bedtime story to you? Or do you want mommy?” At the same time he mentioned Y/n, Lorenzo started to soft cry. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Harry asked, looking down at the upset’s baby face.”

Y/n took his from Harry’s arms, cuddling him closer to her chest, “What do you want, Enzo? Mommy just fed you” she looked at her husband, “I’ll nurse him again on the bed, he’s probably just a bit agitated, will you put her to sleep?”

“Yeah, of course.”

The woman kissed Cecília on the forehead, “have a good night, ok, baby? Mommy will take you to the playground tomorrow, alright?”

“Ok mommy, I love you and little bro too,” she said, giving a hug to her mom before she disappeared through the door with the crying baby.

Harry took Cecília by her small hand, leading them to her room, just by the side of the main suite, where the couple slept. He guided the little girl to her bed, giving her all of her favorite stuffed animals, and covered Cecília in her Lilac duvet.

“What story do you want today?

“The pirate one, please,” she asked, laying her head on the pillow as Harry went to her bookshelf, picking the one with the title Pirate’s cove. He sat by the end of the bed and began telling the story.

“I have a story for you, a story of untold riches and a young lad who found them. And who am I, you ask? Well, I am the spirit of the sand-dollar, a pirate and a buccaneer, Captain of the seahorse, the finest ship to ever sail the seven seas…”

Harry would occasionally stop to answer any questions Cecília had, but after 15 minutes he was done with the book and the girl was fast asleep, hugging tight to her little lamb. He made sure she was tucked in and turned off the lights (besides the one on the side of Cecília’s bed, she was scared to sleep in a pitch-black room), he closed the door and headed to his bedroom.

To Harry’s surprise, Lorenzo was sleeping in his bassinet by the side of the mattress. He usually would sleep in his nursery, but today just seemed like an off day to the little boy. Harry got closer to him, stroking the chubby cheeks, “Oh my little bug, did mommy let you sleep here with us? You’re not feeling fine?”

“I think he’s teething,” Y/n said in a raspy voice, taking her head from the pillow, “he’s even a bit warmer than usual, I think his gums are itching.”

“My poor baby,” Harry mumbled, turning his head to Y/n, “I hate seeing him upset, maybe we could make some homemade Popsicle, it helped when Cecília was teething.”

“Yeah, we can try that, we can make them tomorrow.” she patted the mattress, “now please come to bed, he did a number on me, I’m so tired.”

“Alright baby,” Harry took off his shirt, standing only in sweatpants, he went to the bed, laying by Y/n side, one arm hooked on her waist as she cuddled to him, placing her head on his shoulder.

“I’m so lucky to have you,” Y/n said against his neck.

“Oh baby, I am the lu--”

“--I mean, how many husbands would still love their wives even if they wouldn’t go jogging at 6 in the morning?” she said teasingly, her giggles reaching his ear.

He rolled his eyes playfully, “you are making a lot of jokes for someone who is tired,” he kissed her temple. “I’m gonna wake you up at 5 am tomorrow, so we can be fitness together.”

“Don’t you dare! You do that and your plan of being a father to three it’s over.”

“Damn sweetheart, that’s not very nice, huh?”

“You’re the one who started,” she said, before closing her eyes, snuggling to Harry’s body. The man placed a hand on her belly, falling asleep minutes later.

Tag list: @sunandherflores @elenagilbert01 @bellelittleoff, @cheshire-salvatore-mikaelson

If you don't want to be in the tag list just let me know, please!! <3

#harry styles #harry styles fluff #dad!h #dad!harry #harry styles writings #harry styles blurbs #harry styles fanfiction

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mypoisonedvine · 3 years

Text

vignettes of a bond || alpha!bucky barnes x omega!reader

I originally wrote this in two parts for my sleepover but after I realized how long it accidentally became, I've reformatted it, added/changed a few things, and made into a oneshot!

word count: 3.1k

warnings: smut, angst, knotting, violence

June 2nd, 1943, 11:43 p.m., James Barnes’ bedroom

“I wanna do it, before I go,” he whispered against your skin. “But I know it’s wrong. It’s too cruel.”

“No, please,” you whimpered, “I want it. I want your mark.”

Bucky pulled back for a moment and you examined your Alpha’s face carefully, knowing it might be the last time for a long time. “I couldn’t bond to you and then leave you. It wouldn’t be fair… you deserve to find somebody who can stay, and be with you, and protect you.”

“All I want is you,” you whispered. “Please, Alpha… bite me.”

You saw him hesitate for a moment before he leaned in and sucked at your neck, building the anticipation before he finally sunk his teeth into your skin and you cried out, one single tear rolling down your cheek. “Mine,” he growled against your skin as he lapped at the healing wound, “my Omega. Forever.”

“Yours, only yours,” you agreed eagerly.

It wasn’t the first time Bucky had taken you, but that night he really and truly claimed you, left you a desperate begging mess, stretched out over his knot as he filled you over and over.

The next morning, you were still sore between your legs as well as on your new mark, and it took everything in you to be strong as you saw him off at the train station, waving goodbye and praying that your Alpha would return to you soon.

November 9th, 1943, 2:24 p.m., undercover SHIELD facility

“You promised Bucky you’d take care of me,” you reminded him with a little smile, wiping a tear from your cheek.

“I know,” Steve relented, “but we both know I can’t do that. Not in this state. But maybe I can protect you if I do this. Maybe I can protect my country. I owe it to everyone, especially Bucky, to try.”

You nodded. “But I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too. Come see me before I ship out for good, alright?”

“Of course,” you agreed.

December 27th, 1943, 8:32 a.m., your front porch

“You’re lying,” you gasped as you shook your head. “You’re wrong, no, it’s not true.”

“It is,” Steve promised as tears welled in his eyes, “I’m so so sorry, I saw it myself, I had to watch him fall…”

“It’s not true! He’s not dead!”

“I know he loved you so much. He talked about every day, he couldn’t wait to come home to you,” Steve remembered, choking up noticeably. “But he won’t. He’s gone.”

“You don’t understand, I know, okay? I know.”

“You’re in shock, I understand, it’s hard to lose your mate—”

“You’re a beta, you wouldn’t understand,” you dismissed; sure, he looked like an alpha now, but it didn’t make a difference. “Omegas, we know when our Alpha dies, we feel it, it kills us. He’s far away, but he’s still there, I still feel him!”

Steve held you as you sobbed, your body crumpling into his arms. Sometimes you thought maybe he held you too tight on accident because he was still getting used to his new strength; other times you thought he did it on purpose.

February 3rd, 1944, 12:00 p.m., undercover SHIELD facility

“Even when I had nothing, I had Steve,” you recalled shakily, “and now he’s gone too.”

“Is that why you’re volunteering?” Agent Carter asked you. “Because you’d rather sleep for a hundred years than live without your mate and your best friend?”

“I’m volunteering because my mate and my best friend died for SHIELD,” you corrected firmly, “and if I’m not willing to also, then I’m admitting I think they went to waste.”

“Steve told me you didn’t think Bucky was dead,” Peggy remembered.

You winced. “I’m not sure. But I know he’s not coming home again. I came here to give whatever I could to help find him… I was asked to participate in a cryogenics research study. If it helps him, then I’ll do it.”

She was about to get up, apparently satisfied with your final interview, but you stopped her.

“On one condition,” you added. “If James Barnes is found, alive or dead, wake me up to see him.”

She nodded, stepping out of the room and leaving you alone again.

May 8th, 2012, SHIELD headquarters

“Can you hear me?”

You slowly blinked awake, your vision taking a moment to catch up with your mind. You saw tubes coming out of your arms; you saw Steve above you, looking like the day you saw him last.

“Did you find Bucky?” you asked instantly. Why else would they wake you up?

“No,” Steve answered, seemingly a bit disappointed that that was your first and only question.

“Then put me back to sleep,” you demanded.

“It’s been 68 years,” he told you. “You’ve slept for 68 years. It’s time to wake up.”

And you did, more than you ever wanted to, because you realized you couldn’t feel him anymore. Your Alpha was gone. Worse, he probably died while you were asleep; he probably died alone.

One more time, like he had 68 years ago, Steve held you while you sobbed.

August 1st, 2014, 2:11 a.m., Avengers compound, Steve Rogers’ quarters

You ran into Steve’s room barefoot and still in your pajamas, barreling through the door and right into his bed.

“Steve, I feel him!” you rushed.

“What?” he groaned sleepily, looking up at you as he blinked in confusion.

“I feel him again, he’s alive,” you explained. “I know it. He’s weak… he’s hurting… but he’s there.”

“That’s impossible,” Steve shook his head. “It’s been too long, he would’ve died of old age anyways.”

“Don’t you want to believe it? Don’t you want to think he’s out there?”

“Do I want to think he’s alone and I didn’t save him?” Steve hissed. “No, I can’t say that I particularly do!”

“But we still can, Steve, we just have to find h—”

But before you could finish, the feeling left you, and you were just half of something again.

“Oh,” you breathed.

“He’s gone again?” Steve realized.

You nodded, biting your lip as it started to quiver. He sighed and pulled you into a hug. “If I could just see his body, and know it was over,” you whispered, “if I could just bury him, have a funeral…”

“We’ll have one,” Steve decided, “after this mission. We’ll put him to rest. He deserves that, and so do you.”

You nodded into his shoulder. It shattered you into a million pieces but it was still the better option, to try to let him go in whatever small way you could. He would always, always, always be your Alpha, nothing could change that, but a funeral would at least bring some closure.

That would have to wait until after your next mission though… and it was going to be a big one: tracking the elusive Winter Soldier.

August 3rd, 2014, 1:14 p.m., Lower East side

You were a few blocks away, helping civilians escape the firefight, when you felt it.

For one impossibly brief moment, you felt him, stronger than you had in nearly 80 years. He was here.

You instantly got up and ran like you’d never run before, finding the Soldier and Steve locked in a brutal showdown— but his mask was gone now, and you nearly fell to your knees at the sight of him.

“Bucky!” you yelped, but you knew he wasn’t there or you would’ve felt his presence. Your Alpha was somewhere underneath the shell that wore his face, and you needed to find him.

You ran forward just as Steve made a break for it, getting to him just in time to stand between the Soldier and his mission.

“Alpha, please,” you whimpered, clutching at his chest. A metal hand backhanded you to the ground.

“Out of my way, Omega,” he growled, stepping over you, but you grabbed at his ankles even when he tried to kick you away.

“My mark,” you explained hastily, pulling your shirt down some to make sure it was visible. “It’s yours. Do you remember? You gave me this. This is your mark on me.”

He stared down at you, seeming to be contemplating it, and you scrambled back to your feet and faced him.

“I still feel you,” you whispered. “I knew you were alive, I knew you’d come back to me. I could feel you, right here,” you explained as you took his hand and placed it on your chest. “Could you feel me? Did you know I was waiting for you all this time?”

His eyes were watering but he still seemed confused— stunned, more specifically, as you placed your hand on his chest.

“I’ll always be yours, Bucky. I’ll always be your Omega, no matter where you are.”

A stun gun took you down, an array of masked men appeared, and before he could really see you for what you were, he was dragged away and taken to be erased again.

August 3rd, 2014, 9:04 p.m., Avengers compound, medical bay

“I can’t believe we let them get away,” Steve lamented, resting his face in his hands. “I can’t believe they took him again…”

“They’ll be back,” you promised sternly. “They’re going to figure out what I am to him. They’re going to realize I could break his programming. And they’re going to come for me.”

“And when they do?” Steve pressed.

“We’ll be ready. And I’ll get my Alpha back.”

August 3rd, 2014, 9:04 p.m., temporary HYDRA operations facility

"The woman on the bridge... the Omega..." Bucky mumbled. "She knew me... she had my mark."

"No she didn't."

He furrowed his brow. "She showed me..."

Pierce sighed, glancing over to the HYDRA scientist who looked back at him sternly.

"She's too dangerous to be left alive," the man sighed, shrugging in his lab coat. "We can't deprogram a bond like that."

"We'll take care of her," Pierce promised.

Bucky launched from the chair, snapping his restraints like paper. "Touch her and I'll fucking kill you!" he bellowed, tackling his handler to the ground.

Pierce just laughed as another scientist jabbed Bucky with a needle, dosing him with something strong enough to kill any other man but just enough to knock out a super soldier. Pierce stood up and dusted himself off as he watched Bucky go limp and be lifted back into his chair.

"I can see the fight in your eyes, Soldier," he taunted as he leaned into his face. "I know you really would kill me, if you could. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, right? But don't worry about your mate, we'll make it quick and painless. Hey, maybe beforehand me and a few of the other Alphas will show her a good time, poor thing's been without her mate for 70 years... I bet she's raring to go."

Bucky's arm twitched as his eyes started to fall shut, a tear falling down his blank and motionless face.

"Wipe him," Pierce instructed to the scientist, turning and walking away as the electric whirr of the machine charging up filled the room.

August 11th, 2014, 3:53 p.m., SHIELD headquarters

Steve was impressed with how accurate and imminent your prediction was; HYDRA was hot on your trail and desperate to eliminate the biggest threat to their Asset. Knowing they were coming made it easier, but it was still a brutal fight.

You and Steve tried to stay together, but they were smart, they used the perfect bait to lure you away.

"Tell me where he is," you demanded from the HYDRA agent as you held a blade to his neck, "then I'll kill you."

"Isn't it supposed to be 'or I'll kill you'?" he frowned.

You shook your head. "Not the way I operate."

Opposite to the reaction you were expecting, he grinned widely. "He's here."

Your heart stopped.

"On the roof. He's here to kill you."

You dropped the knife and ran straight for the stairwell, ascending them like they were nothing and calling out for your Alpha.

You found him there, waiting, gun trained on you. Raising your hands in surrender, you yelled to him again.

"Bucky," you called across the windy roof, eyes nearly blinded by the bright afternoon sun. "Alpha."

"I'm not who you think I am," he yelled back. "I'm not your Alpha."

It hurt to hear it in his voice, but you knew it wasn't him. Cautiously, you stepped closer. "Before you left, you told me you didn't want to mark me and leave me behind," you recalled. "But I wanted it. I wanted to be bonded to you more than I'd ever wanted anything."

He could clearly see you were coming closer, he even tightened his finger over the trigger of his weapon, but he was waiting. You kept walking to him, slowly.

"I've never regretted it," you continued, "not even when I thought you were dead, not even when I had to spent a lifetime-- more than that-- apart from you."

Finally you were face to face, and you stepped closer until his gun was pressed right into your chest.

"You can shoot me now and I still won't regret it," you promised. "I love you."

Shakily, he lowered his weapon. "Omega..." he breathed.

"Your Omega."

He pulled you into him and you sobbed as you felt him come to life in your arms-- the real him, your Alpha, your Bucky. He held you close and breathed against the top of your head and it was like a dream coming true decades after you'd forced yourself to let it go.

But you'd never given up. And now you had found him again.

Agents started to come onto the roof and Bucky spun the two of you around, firing with his right hand and using the left, metal arm as a shield for you.

He carried you and you didn't even know where he was taking you, but it didn't matter. In his arms, you were home.

August 12th, 1:03 a.m., Avengers compound, your quarters

You hadn't stopped coming or crying for at least an hour. Bucky had all but split you open on his knot all night and he didn't show any signs of stopping.

He apparently intended to make up for lost time. And you'd lost a lot of time.

"Just one more, I know you can give me one more," he groaned furiously rubbing your clit as his knot began to swell again.

You could give him anything, as long as he asked for it like that.

You'd lost count of how many times he'd told you to come for him, and how many times you did it immediately.

"I can see how full you are," he whispered as he rubbed your stomach gently. "So much seed in you that your body can't hold it all."

You looked down and yep, you were distinctly bloated from his come alone; it made you a little dizzy to even look at it.

"The idea of you alone during your heats, no one to protect you, it kills me," he explained with a growl. "I won't let you go again. I can't."

"Then don't," you sighed. "Never leave this bed, fill me with everything you have."

"Did anybody ever help you through them? The heats?" he asked. "I wouldn't blame you, they can be so painful... I just need to know so I can make sure you forget about them."

"No, Bucky, never— I never let anyone touch me."

"Steve could've helped you, at least some..."

"He wouldn't have, he loves you too much. And I wouldn't accept anything less than you, ever. You're my Alpha. We're bonded. There's never anyone else."

That didn't seem to satisfy him, his eyes darting away as he swallowed. Your gut sank with the realization he probably wasn't being totally honest about why he asked.

"Your ruts," you gasped. "Were you alone for all of them?"

He shut his lips tighter.

"Bucky, it's okay, just tell me. I was asleep for 70 years, I skipped most of them, but you... you had to live through them all."

"They gave me betas, and omegas," he mumbled, "but I don't... I don't really remember. I know they wanted me to. They threatened to hurt me if I didn't, because they knew I'd go crazy after so many ruts alone, but I can't remember if I really did it. I remember... I remember crying, and begging for you."

"Alpha," you breathed as you felt new tears run over the stains of your old ones. "It's okay. Whatever happened, it's okay now. We're together again. Everything's okay."

You wiped his tear away with your thumb, holding his face tightly, weaving your fingers into his long hair.

"I'll always be your Omega," you promised.

He leaned in closer to you, kissing your cheek before pulling back a little. "It's faded," he whispered as he ran his thumb over the mark on your neck. "The last time I saw it, it was still fresh."

"It's older, sure, but it's stronger than ever, Bucky."

August 14th, 10:12 a.m., Avengers compound, residential area kitchen

Steve's eyes went wide when he came into the kitchen for breakfast and found you there, steeping your tea. "Surprised to see you out of the love nest so soon," he smirked.

"It's been three days, I don't think that counts as soon," you scoffed.

"It does to him," Steve frowned. "He's asleep, isn't he?"

"Yep."

"I know he wouldn't let you out of his sights if he was conscious," Steve chuckled.

At that moment, you heard Bucky call your name and run out into the hall, only a bedsheet covering his groin as he appeared in the doorway. You spun around and smiled when you saw him come running towards you, embracing you with his free arm.

"You should've told me you were leaving, I got scared when I woke up without you," he admitted weakly.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry!"

He pulled back and clutched your face in both his hands. "I'm waking up next to you every morning for the rest of my life, you understand?"

You nodded dutifully. "Yes, Alpha."

"One hand on the sheet, please, Buck?" Steve winced, looking away.

“Whoops,” Bucky groaned, reaching to cover himself as you laughed softly.

“Let’s go back to bed, baby,” you decided quietly, taking Bucky’s (free) hand in yours and waving goodbye to Steve, who was already making his way as far out of earshot as possible.

#alpha!bucky barnes x omega!reader #alpha!bucky barnes smut

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unsupervisedpanda · 3 years

Text

Loki x reader

Live action

"Tony!" You yelled as you stormed into the living room.

"Some guy is here! A tall one with black hair?" You heard the man scoff behind you but ignored him.

Tony entered the room and glared at the male who was now standing next you.

"Loki." Tony greeted coldly.

"Tony." The man, Loki, replied.

"Y/n." You huffed pointing at yourself.

Tony turned to you apologetically.

"Sorry I didn't tell you we were having a guest. He's here on house arrest." Tony explained gesturing at the man.

"Right. Okay, but Tony we've talked about this. I work for your team and I need to stay informed." You sighed stepping towards him to straighten his collar.

"I know y/n but to be fair he's not very memorable!" Tony defended and you glared at him.

Tugging harshly on his collar you yanked him down so he was eye to eye with you.

"I don't care how memorable he is. I expect you to tell me these things and to be professional." Tony gulped but nodded.

"Right. Gotcha." He choked out and you released his collar.

Turning around you faced your guest, Loki. You'd heard about him before, none of it good. However you'd give him the benefit of the doubt. He was from Asgard and the brother of Thor. Those were the only things you knew for sure. Everything else you'd have to learn from him. Facing him you introduced yourself.

"Hello Loki. I am y/n l/n of Midgard as I've heard Thor refer to it." You held out your hand to him.

Eyeing you warily he held his hand out as well but Tony yanked you back.

"Your gloves." He warned you and you blinked. You totally forgot.

"Oh. Right." You shook your head pulling a pair of gloves out.

Why the gloves? Because you had the ability of reading emotions through touch. Skin to skin contact gave you a rush of emotions from that person. Good or bad whatever they were feeling you felt it just as much as they did.

Tugging them on you reached out again.

"Sorry about that. I didn't want to read your emotions without your consent." You explained nodding to the gloves.

Loki seemed surprised but took your hand, shaking it.

"Noted. I am Loki of Asgard." He introduced bowing slightly.

You quirked a brow at that in amusement and smiled.

"Nice to meet you. I'll set up a room for you as soon as possible but until then you may stay on my floor if you so choose. Although I'm sure Thor would be more than pleased to have you stay with him." You informed him easily.

He winced at the mention of his brother but nodded.

"I may take you up on that offer." He smirked and Tony snarled behind you.

"Y/n I really don't think-" you turned to glare at your boss.

"Tony. I believe it's in your best interest to stop before you begin. This could've been avoided had you actually told me what was going on but you didn't. That being said unless Loki chooses otherwise, he will stay with me." You crossed your arms and raised a brow, daring Tony to challenge you.

The male frowned but just grumbled as he walked away. Smirking you turned to the god.

"Okay. Now that we've taken care of that. Would you like to stay with me or your brother?" You inquired smiling.

"You, if the offer still stands. My brother can be overbearing." Loki grimaced.

"Of course. Follow me." You chirped walking over to the elevator.

"We're on floor 8(first initial). It stands for what floor level it is and who it belongs to. When we get you set up I think you'll be either floor 9 or 6. Unless you choose to stay on my floor which you're more than welcome to do." You grinned at him before the elevator doors slid open and FRIDAY told you you'd arrived.

Stepping out you led Loki through your living room and into the guest room.

"You can stay here for now. You'll have your own bathroom, too. We can get you a different comforter set later but until then I hope you don't mind the (f/c) set." You blushed lightly before entering the room yourself and straightening it up.

"I'll be right across the hall if you need anything. I'll set up a passcode to my floor that only you and I know until the others calm down. I'm sure they're not thrilled you're here. That way they won't bother you." You told him as you breezed past him into the kitchen.

"Everything in here is open to you if you want it: coffee, tea, juice. I've got a lot." You opened the fridge to prove the point.

Fifteen minutes later you'd finished showing him around so you led him to the couch.

He'd kept a straight face for most of the tour so when you were done you bit your lip.

"If there's anything you need just let me know. The others may be a bit harsh but they mean well most of the time." You laughed nervously as you flopped onto the couch yourself. Pulling a pillow to your chest, you hugged it before letting out a sigh.

"Okie dokie. I have to get back to work, make sure the others didn't burn down the main floor. You can lounge around here until you feel comfortable enough to leave. If you need me just tell FRIDAY. He'll let me know." Standing up you left to check on the others.

Tony had probably already told them and they were probably planning an ambush on your apartment at this very moment.

Stepping into the elevator you spoke.

"FRIDAY I'd like to set up a security measure. No one but me and Loki can enter the apartment or floor without exclusive permission. Understand?"

"Yes miss l/n. Security measure is now in place." The robotic voice responded.

Nodding the doors opened with a ding.

Stepping into the main area you noticed everyone in the living room, tension spilling into the halls.

"You let him come here!? After everything that happened in New York!" You heard Nat yell.

"I didn't have much of a choice!" Tony groaned.

"He won't do any harm! He's here in peace!" Thor reassured miserably.

"Well he should leave in pieces!" Clint grumbled.

Steve was silent as he sat on the couch with his arms crossed, Bucky beside him.

Bruce was about to intervene but you clapped loudly to get their attention.

"Hello my fellow colleagues and friends. How about we play nice and not threaten our guest!" You chirped a little to sweetly.

Everyone faced you but Nat stood up first.

"Are you crazy y/n!? Letting that lunatic stay in your apartment!" She growled as she glared you down.

Glaring back at her you crossed your arms.

"Yes. I am crazy. We've been through this time and time again and I go to therapy once every two weeks for what you call crazy." You snarled at her and she took a slight step back.

The word "crazy" was a touchy word for you. You'd been called many things in your life time. Crazy, a lunatic, a freak, and many other things because of what you could do.

"Y/n I didn't mean- it's just he's dangerous!" She tried to back pedal but what was done was done.

"Whatever Nat. Loki," you emphasized his name, "is staying with me. He will be until he decides to leave. You all will treat him like a person or I swear I will destroy you." You warned.

"Are we clear?" You glanced around the room and jumped when Loki spoke up behind you.

"I'd prefer to be treated like a god, but a person works too." He smirked.

"Loki." You greeted nodding at him.

"Lady Y/n." He greeted back.

Thor's jaw seemed to drop as he glanced between you two.

Loki respecting a midguardian? It seemed impossible.

"Look at him acting like he owns the place!" Clint started but stopped when you stepped toward him taking a glove off.

"Barton. Did I not make myself clear earlier?" You asked stalking closer.

The male stood up and ran behind the couch.

"Y/n we can talk about this. Just put the glove back on!" He plead as he glanced at the others for help.

Not only did you have the ability to read and feel emotions but you could also inflict and resurface them. Clint had been through this treatment before due to his attitude and he hated it.

"Answer the question." You snapped and he ducked behind Thor.

"You're clear. Crystal." He promised. He really wished he had his bow and some arrows on him right now.

"Good." You smiled pulling the glove back on.

"Now it is Saturday night so I do believe it's a movie night is it not?" You chirped clapping your hands together enthusiastically.

Everyone nodded not daring to say otherwise. Tony had hired you because you could round everyone up and calm things down.

"Wonderful. Shall we?" You asked and everyone agreed. Pulling out (f/m) you put it in and hit play.

You sat next to Loki on the farthest end of the couch due to everyone's apprehensiveness.

About an hour in you began to nod off. Your head leaned against Loki's shoulder as your hair fell into your face.

Loki had jumped at the contact but relaxed when he realized he wasn't in danger. He stayed as still as possible as not to wake you up. Another half an hour later and the credits were rolling.

Glancing down at you Loki lightly removed you from his shoulder, lying you down on the couch. Then he scooped you up to take you upstairs. Maybe this was out of character for him but you'd been kind.

Once you were in his arms your head lolled into his shoulder. He laughed quietly as he carried you to the elevator.

"Woah reindeer games. What do you think you're doing?" Tony questioned standing up.

Loki stopped turning around, and lifting a brow at the man.

"I'm taking Lady y/n to her room?" Loki raised his brow in confusion.

"We can take her up." Steve argued but Loki snickered.

"Go ahead and try." He shrugged passing you to Tony.

Tony gave him a smug look as he walked to the elevator with you. Five minutes later he returned, you still soundly asleep in his arms.

"FRIDAY won't let me in." He grumbled.

"Yes I am aware. I'll take Lady y/n up to bed now." Loki grinned before taking you from Tony.

"Goodnight." He nodded before walking to the elevator again.

"Night guys." You yawned waking up just a little.

Taking you to your room Loki tucked you in after helping you take care of your nightly routine.

"Night Loki." You slurred sleepily before hugging a pillow into your chest.

You slept soundly for about 3 hours before you awoke to red flashing and blaring alarms.

Panicking you flopped out of your bed and onto the floor.

"Loki!" You yelled as you stumbled into the hall. Loki was running down the hall to your room, stumbling into you as the building shook.

"What's going on!?" You yelped when glass shattered a floor down.

"This hasn't happened in 3 months!" You groaned as Loki helped you up.

As his hand grabbed yours your head went blank for a moment. Loki was scared. He was blaming himself for the attack. He worried that someone from his past was here to hurt him. He was worried about you. He-

You jumped when Loki pulled on you hand.

"Are you alright, Lady y/n?" He asked and you glanced up at him.

"I'm okay. You?" You asked stepping closer to him and pressing your bare hand to his face.

All of the emotions he was feeling were negative. You urged a calm through your finger tips and felt his shoulders relax.

Then he tensed up and yanked your hand away from him.

"We need to go to the others. Find out what all this noise is about." He snapped dropping your hand.

Swiftly he walked to the elevator and hit a button hoping to make it to the main floor.

Sliding open the doors granted access and you were on your way. Then you weren't. Something thudded on top of the metal box and the lights flickered.

You yelped as the elevator bounced and then stumbled into Loki's chest.

"Sorry." You groaned and then looked up. Whatever was on the roof was walking back and forth trying to figure out how to get in.

"Got any sneaky tricks up your sleeve?" You asked pushing yourself off of the man.

"Maybe. Depends on what it is." He shrugged before walking over to the elevator doors.

He inspected them for a moment before somehow prying them open. From where you stood you couldn't tell how he did it.

"Open says me." He joked half heartedly.

Great doors were open. Not so great you were stuck between floors.

"Up or down?" Loki asked and you glanced at him.

"Down. We need to get to the others."

Nodding he crouched down and slid out through the opening, about a foot and a half wide and two feet high.

He landed gracefully on the, you assumed, 6th floor.

"Come on out." He called stepping away from the opening.

Taking a deep breath you crouched to slide out the way he had but shrieked when the elevator bounced again and then the sound of screaming metal filled the small space. Glass rained down around you.

Shaking the glass out of your hair you looked up and choked on a scream. An arm had punctured the top of the elevator.

"Shit!" You yelped pushing yourself backwards towards the small exit.

"Lady y/n what's going on?!" You heard Loki ask but you miscalculated how high you were and fell on your butt.

"We have to go. Now!" You exclaimed grabbing his sleeve and running for a stair case.

The man followed you with almost no complaint as you ran to the stairwell.

"We need to get to the third floor." You huffed as you began to run down the stairs skipping a few at a time.

Loki nodded checking behind you every few moments. On the 4th floor you nearly toppled over the railing when you came face to face with a creature of some kind.

"Holy shit!" You fell backwards and Loki leapt the railing, landing in front of you. Suddenly he had two daggers in his hands as he impaled the critter.

"Okay thanks!" You breathed out and he held his hand out to you.

"Try to be more aware of your surroundings." He suggested as he pulled you up.

You nodded and he took the lead. You followed him to the third floor entrance and he cautiously opened the door. Inside the Avengers were battling it out.

"We have to get upstairs. Y/n can't defend herself!" You heard Nat snarl as she attacked yet another enemy.

It was probably stupid on your part but you cupped your hands over your mouth and shouted "I take offense to that!" at her.

Everything stopped for a moment as everyone turned to face you and Loki face palmed.

"Ignorant mortal." You heard him grumble.

Then he swooped you up into his chest and began to 'dance' around your opponents. You yelped when an axe got a little too close.

When you were beside the others Loki passed you on to Thor.

"Protect the midguardian." Loki had demanded before looking to you.

"You, stay out of trouble!" He smirked before involving himself to the main battle.

"I-" you started but cried out when Thor threw you up into the air.

"Oh my god!" You shrieked as your stomach dropped. You know the feeling. Like going straight down on a roller coaster.

You met Loki's wide eyes mid air and then you completed the fall straight into Tony's armored arms.

"I'm going to have a heart attack." You wheezed as you tried to catch your breath.

Tony laughed at you setting you down.

"Try to stay out of danger, Chéri petite!" He warned before blasting off into a different direction.

*Chéri petite should translate to little darling! Or in Google translates case darling little one!*

You sucked in a breath before taking in your surroundings. No one was going to be able to protect you. Glancing around you noted a decorative sword on the other side of the room, so you sprinted towards it. You yelped when something, someone grabbed you though.

Swiveling on your heel you turned and saw one of the creatures gripping your thigh. Shrieking you slammed your palm onto it's face and channeled your fear into it. The creature let out a miserable scream as it flinched back letting you go.

You'd never used your power as a defence before but it did the job. Whipping back around you came face to face with a clone of Loki.

"Shit!" You yelped and jumped in surprise when it stabbed at you.

Stumbling back you fell onto your ass again and scrambled behind the couch as the clone threw a dagger at you.

"Loki what the shit is this!?" You screamed and the man turned in surprise, glowering when he saw the clone.

Sure he had the same ability but this was no clone of his.

You let out another cry when the couch was shoved away and 3 of the critters surrounded you. Turning to your team members you smirked, although it looked more like a grimace.

"Guys! This is not what I had in mind for movie night but talk about live action!" You giggled before turning to your opponents.

"Give me a minute to hype myself up?" You asked and then yelped when one of the things jumped at you.

"Or not!" You dodged and slammed your hand onto it's back. Surging an extra dose of terror into it's spine.

Yelping it wobbled away before collapsing. You'd scared the damn thing to death.

Turning to the other two you ran at them, sliding underneath the one and grabbing it's ankle.

This time you channeled anger at the other one through it. Turning to the second the first one attacked it, tearing it apart.

Breathing heavily you pushed yourself up.

"Okay two down one to-" you screamed as you slammed into the hard floor, your arm being pinned to your back.

"That's a neat trick you have there." The voice hissed careful not to make skin to skin contact with you.

You whimpered trying to see what or who was on top of you. You barely caught sight of the green outfit before the person was knocked off.

"Hands off." You heard Loki snarl before pulling you up into his chest. Then you yelped in surprise when he pulled you behind him.

"Didn't I tell you to stay out of danger?" Loki chastised as he held one arm in front of him, a dagger in hand, and the other behind him as he guarded you.

"Actually you said trouble." You corrected your hands on his back.

Shaking his head he sized up his clone. It matched him so much he may have thought it was a reflection. Maybe it was.

"Lady y/n I'm going to ask you to run to Thor. Think you can handle that?" Loki asked as he pulled out another dagger.

"Probably. Will you be okay?" You inquired.

He nodded and you bit your lip.

"Okay. Be safe!" You whispered wrapping your arms around his waist and then running off to find Thor.

Of course that was easier said than done. Several times you'd tripped or gotten attacked by another monster.

Finally you got sick of everything running at you trying to run you through.

"Fucking hell, STOP!" You screamed throwing your arms out.

Everyone froze. Not because you froze them with an unknown ability. Nope. You just froze them with shock.

You'd pulsed all of your annoyance and fear throughout the whole room.

With everyone frozen you found Thor and ran to him.

"Don't throw me this time!" You huffed and the God nodded still confused.

Glancing around the room you noted at least thirty enemies left. Taking in your surroundings you ran to the left and grabbed a bow and a quiver from one of the fallen.

Nocking the arrow you pulled the string back, surprised at how in tune the bow seemed to be with you.

Shaking off the surprise you aimed at the closest enemy. Letting the string go the arrow flew and hit the creature in the head. Your eyes widened. You'd been aiming for it's leg.

You grinned and nocked another arrow. Aiming at another you aimed at it's chest and winced when the arrow whizzed past and hit a different target in the leg.

At least you still hit something! You yelped when 3 or 4 of the opposing enemies began to run at you. Apparently they didn't like being shot at by humans.

"Thor!" You yelled and ducked when he threw his hammer as you. It quickly flung into the bad dudes turning their heads to goo before flying back into Thor's hand.

"Thanks!" You breathed out as he offered you his other hand, pulling you up.

"No problem, lady y/n." He smiled before going to help somewhere else.

Pulling out another arrow you took a deep breath before nocking it.

"Please please let me be useful!" You groaned before pulling back and aiming at one of the monsters creeping up on Loki.

"Oh no you don't!" You whispered before letting go. Thankfully the arrow his exactly where you wanted it too.

Bullseye!

Quickly you reevaluated the room and noted that there were about 14 left. Then 12. Then 9. The numbers dwindled to nothing and you huffed. Collapsing to your knees you took deep breaths.

Last time this happened you hadn't left your room. Talk about action packed.

Loki scanned the room before finding you and panicked when he saw you on your hands and knees.

Teleporting to you he lightly fretted over you, barely touching.

Looking up at him you smirked.

"I just kicked some serious ass!" You giggled and his eyes widened in surprise before he relaxed.

"You did indeed, little mortal." He smiled brushing some of your hair back.

Grinning you launched yourself into his arms, hugging him.

He toppled over falling onto his back, with you on top of him. Pushing yourself up so you were hovering over him you laughed.

"Kiss me?" You asked and then it was his turn to smirk.

"Of course, M'lady." He purred as he propped himself up on one elbow. Grabbing you by the back of the neck he pulled you down to meet his lips.

You smiled into the kiss. It was perfect considering the adrenaline rushing through your veins.

Then you heard some whoops and cheers, some coughing, and some complaining.

Pulling apart you looked up to see your colleagues with varying reactions.

Rolling your eyes you looked down at the God beneath you.

Looking him up and down you looked him in the eyes before grinning mischievously.

"How about we take this up to my room?" You suggested and the man quirked a brow.

"Anything you want, Dove." He smirked wrapping his arms around you and teleporting away.

#loki x reader #loki laufeyson #loki layfeyson imagine #loki lafeyson x reader #marvel #loki #avengers x reader

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sillysnack · 2 years

Text

old memories

daily headcanon masterlist

day 10: feb. 9, 2022

a/n: today’s post is kind of inspired by this post yeahhhh also sry if any of them seem ooc!! I am doing my Best

— — — — — — — — — —

Mirabel was cleaning her room, like she does every other weekend, and comes across an old photo album. The cover’s worn out and the colors are faded, she opens it and sees the handwriting of her younger self on the first page.

In all capital letters, 5 year-old Mirabel wrote: “Mi Amada Familia” (”My Beloved Family”) with hearts and flowers around.

Mirabel sits on the floor and flips through the pages, finding various photos of her with members of her family. A blurry photo of her and her sisters, with bees in the background. She smiles at the photos. Her eyes dart to multiple photos of her with Isabela and Luisa playing with flowers.

The next few photos were still quite similar, Mirabel and her sisters having fun (with occasional appearances from her mom and dad). Then Mirabel sees photos of her and her cousins.

“I feel like Camilo needs to see this. He needs to recreate it too.” Mirabel laughs

The door in Mirabel’s room opens. “Recreate what?”

“Dolores! Here!” Mirabel takes a photo out from the album and shows it to Dolores. It’s a photo of Camilo with flour on his face. Why that happened, Dolores and Mirabel can’t remember. “Maybe Mami will know. Is it okay if I call her?” Mirabel nods.

Camilo knocks on the door. “Tia!” Mirabel looks up from the photo album, seeing Camilo lean on the doorframe. “Oh, it’s just you. Look.” He sits beside Mirabel and grabs the photo album from her.

“A heads up would’ve been nice.” Camilo sticks his tongue out before going through the pages of the album. “Well, I look adorable. Don’t know why there’s multiple photos of me with my face in food but... alright.”

Mirabel furrows her eyebrows. “Multiple? It’s only three. There are, like. ten photos of me being carried by Luisa. There’s many photos of us wearing matching outfits, though. My personal favorite’s the outfits before my gift ceremony.”

“Ay, you two were so energetic that day.”

“Tia/Mami!”

Dolores and Pepa sat on the floor across from Mirabel and Camilo. “Felix and I were told to watch you two since your parents were so busy handling things. Julieta was super busy in the kitchen and your dad was going around town with Dolores to check who’s will or won’t be present.”

— — —

“Camilo! Mirabel!” Félix looked around every nook and cranny in Casita, but couldn’t find his niece and son. “Mi amor, maybe we should tell Julieta.”

Pepa turned to her husband, a tornado forming around her, “We can’t let her know her daughter is missing! I’m going to get in so much trouble, and the ceremony! Maybe they’re in the nursery.”

“I checked, they aren’t there.” Félix took Pepa’s hand in his, the tornado visibly faded away. “Let’s ask your hermano. Maybe he knows where they are, you know those three are quite close.” Pepa took a deep breath as she intertwined their fingers. “Si. Gracias, amor.”

— — —

“We couldn’t find you both, and you two showed up unexpectedly in the nursery exactly 10 minutes before the ceremony fully dressed, with coordinating outfits. Ay, ustedes dos se veían tan lindos.” (you two looked so cute.) Pepa sighs at the photo. Dolores nods, “It was cute. But now, it’s... not-so-good.”

“Did she insult us?” “I think, yeah.”

Pepa turns the pages of the photo album. “I think I took a few photos before that, too. The morning wasn’t too noisy, y’know? Camilo slept over at the nursery before your gift ceremony and he was on the floor, snoring... I think there’s a photo here.”

“I hope you don’t find it.”

“Here!” Pepa shows the photo to Mirabel and Dolores. They look at the photo then at Camilo and start laughing.

“This is really sweet.”

Pepa pinches Camilo’s cheek. “Ay, cariño, you know we do this out of love.” She lets go of her son’s face and looks at a photo of Mirabel in Pepa’s room, sitting on a chair next to a table with crayons in her hand.

— — —

“What do you have there, chica?” Pepa smiled at the five-year-old who was drawing on a piece of paper. Mirabel gave her tía a drawing of a yellow dress, there were designs on it that Pepa couldn’t really decipher since it was small.

“It’s a dress with weather-y stuff. For you!” Mirabel pulled out more drawings of clothes and showed them to Pepa, “I made one for each of us! Abuela’s dress looks like a candle, Mama has a puffy dress like the arepas she makes.”

Unbeknownst to the two, a rainbow had formed over the town of Encanto.

Mirabel’s sudden sigh mades Pepa frown. “What’s the matter, Mira?” Mirabel answered, “I want to make pretty clothes for everyone but I don’t know how to use the sewing machine...”

Pepa cupped Mirabel’s face. “When you grow older, I’ll teach you how to use this sewing machine, okay?” Mirabel nodded. “Now, smile for your tía. You’re going to get your gift today! Also, I’m going to take a picture.”

— — —

Camilo examines the picture, then turns to Mirabel. “Do you still have the drawings?” She shakes her head in response. “Those were years ago. I probably threw them out after the ceremo-”

“They’re here.” Dolores and Pepa show Camilo the drawings Mirabel made on the day she turned five. “Where’s mine?”

“Nowhere.”

“Found it. I got to say, you have an eye for fashion. It should be closed immediately.” Mirabel rolls her eyes, “I was five. Plus, the ones I made for Dolores and Tía aren’t bad.”

“Yeah, well mine was just a dress that looked like poop. I like dresses but, seriously? What is your problem with me?”

“A lot. But we’d be stuck here all day if I elaborate so I’ll say nothing.”

“Mami, are you hearing this?!” Pepa shakes her head. “Dolores?” His sister shrugs.

“Reminder to never hang out with you three together.”

#encanto #encanto fic #mirabel madrigal #pepa madrigal #camilo madrigal #dolores madrigal

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pbandjesse · 1 year

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Today was a pretty long day. With a lot of moving parts. But it wasn't a bad day at all. I am just very tired.

I slept okay last night. I didn't get woken up as much but I did wake up with a little bit of a sore throat still. I had been very cold at one point and ended up . But I was pretty cozy after that. I think James slept a little bit better. But they emotionally were not in a great place this morning. Honestly they weren't a great place emotionally for the entire day.

They told me that a lot of the day they were reliving the accident. Which was making them feel very bad. And I felt really bad that they felt really bad. And I just don't think anybody was having a good time.

But we tried to be there for each other. I appreciate that I got to sleep in until 7:30. And I got dressed and we made sure that we had all of our paperwork for the doctors and we headed to the museum.

James wanted to get everything set up before we left for our appointment. So I dropped them off and I went to get breakfast. And then I came back and I ate in the back while I talked to my co-workers. We have a new person, her name is also Jess, and it was very nice meeting her. We also got all the table set up and I did a little checking in with a few people before all of a sudden it was 9:00 and me and James had to go. We'd be back in a few hours.

The appointment was great honestly. Doctor's office was a little in need of update. The lights were a little yellow. They weren't very modern. But everyone was a very nice. We didn't have to wait very long. We filled out our paperwork and we handed them the folder with all of our information. And they were very nice when I had questions because I had never had someone need to request medical documents from anywhere before. Or at least I've never tried to do that in my memory.

Oh man I just noticed that my earring is missing. I had to take up a few minutes to find back. The only ones I seem to have are very tiny. It's not a huge deal. My piercings never close up. But it is annoying.

James have their appointment first. And the doors were pretty thin. Because I could hear a lot of the conversation. And in my opinion James was not telling them how much pain that they are in. And that frustrated me. But the nursery took me back to to my vitals and stuff was really sweet. And when I went back to the doctor he was really nice too. I choked that I have a whole list of ailments but doctors only ever want to handle one or two. And he agreed once we got through the whole list. But we also both agreed that me going to see a rheumatologist is the best course of action. And that hopefully whatever they fix will help fix the other stuff. Not perfect system but it's something. And he wants me and James to come in to do blood work on Tuesday. And he also asked if I had considered being assessed for bipolar disorder or depression. And I told him I would consider it. Though I don't think I'm anywhere close to some people in the manic and heavy mood swings. But it's definitely something I thought about.

So we're done pretty quickly honestly. And we were back at the museum before 10:30. But it was not in time for me to jump on the tour I was supposed to have gone on at 10:00. It wasn't a big deal. Jessica had done my role of watching our new guy, Jim. And so I went and checked in with Del and talk to James for a little bit. And then it was time for the kids lunch so it wasn't like a huge deal at all. It's pretty chill honestly.

And my two programs that I had after lunch were excellent. I was like on a roll. I was very funny. And I spoke very clearly. I was training Jim and I think I did a good job of explaining different ways you can do stuff. And the kids seem to have a great time. We started with balls and track. And they built their roller coasters. And there were lots of laughs. And I've gotten better over the years of not worrying too much about rushing. They just want to build and have a good time and that's important.

And we finished exactly on time once they were cleaned up. And then we went across the hall to go to the assembly line. I was alone with them then. I mean the river like 10 chaperones but there was no other staff members. And we had such a good time. They definitely got a little louder towards the end. But I think they did great and they made all the cars and they were all very proud of themselves. During the video one of the parents asked me if I had training as a teacher. And she said that I was really good at my job and that made me feel awesome. I really did feel like I was on my A game today.

I took him to the bathroom and then said goodbye to them. They were all very sweet and saying goodbye to me.

Back to the break room to do some checking in and a few supplies. There's a lot of lively conversation back there. And then me and Jordan would go out to our car so that he could give me the rest of his mom sewing stuff. A lot of it's going to go to summer camp. I'm hoping that we can do quilt squares again this year. And some of it I'll keep for my own projects. But I really hope that Jordan's mom's memory can be honored through the projects that will make. It was really nice of him to give me all that stuff. Though it did fill up our entire car and it was very heavy.

And then I went to sweep the assembly line and got my rollers to work on the next set of Christmas cards with museum. Which took me about an hour and a half to do. A lot quicker than the other day. And they went pretty well overall. I found a little bit of a better way to do the two color prints. But it wasn't perfect. I'm getting better every time though so I'm hoping that as we go on they will just improve and improve and improve.

Jack was training the new people, and Becca, to do all of the machines on tour. And after they finish doing that Jess, the new girl, came back so I could talk to her all about the linotype and just about museum stuff. She wants to go back to school to get her master's degree in museum studies. And we just talk shop a while. About how not working at ships was probably her dodging a bullet and just some of the weird stuff about working in small museums. The not even political stuff but the weird decisions that they make. And she's really cool. I hope that she stays a while because I enjoy her company.

I want to meet James at the front. But they had to stay for a few extra minutes because there was a meeting that an artist was coming in to talk to Paula about the gift shop. But she was supposed to come tomorrow and she accidentally came today. But that was fine I wasn't in a rush. We were planning on just stopping at the Walgreens in the shopping center before we went home to get James's prescriptions and some new gauze and medical tape.

But then we got up to the shopping center the Walgreens was closed. Like they took the store away closed. I wonder if it's because the grocery store just opened. I'm not really sure. It's very strange because that was a nice Walgreens.

So we went to the one in our neighborhood. But the medication was out of stock until tomorrow. Thankfully James has enough to get through tonight but that was very annoying that they didn't tell us that. So we just got the gauze and medical tape and a tube of Pringles. And we went home.

James made pasta bake for dinner. And I would spend a good amount of time coming up and down the stairs bringing stuff inside. I am not strong enough to carry everything so I had to make a whole bunch of trips using our IKEA bag. And that was fine. I did run into someone who just moved across the street whose cat apparently got out while they were moving in. And I feel horrible about it. Really hope that they find them. And I'll keep an eye out for a stripey brown cat.

Once I came inside I was excited because me and James have two Advent calendars to open. We've only done one so far. We're going to open the other one after they finish their broadcast. And it was very good chocolate. The other ones going to be jam. I'm very excited to do Advent calendars.

I worked in the studio for a long time. Organizing all of the fabrics and notions that Jordan gave us. I decided what I'm going to keep, what's going to go to puhtok, And what I can store for now to decide later. And I'm pretty happy with my choices. And so I decided since I was on a roll to start cutting fabric for a quilt that I want to start working on. I want to do a quilt dress or some other wearable. So I wanted to pick colors that I thought would look really good together that I would definitely wear. So I worked on that for a bit but my back started hurting after like an hour of cutting. So then I just put things away and I've been hanging out since then. I had a bowl of cereal. I watched a video. I worked on my felting for a while. I added lions to my other shoe. Very excited about it.And now I'm going to go take a shower.

I am going to go to my parents tomorrow. I'm going to have dinner with Joanna and I'm going to see Jess on Saturday. I am a little nervous about leaving James but James says that they will feel worse if I don't go. Which I understand not wanting to change my stuff but I also 100% would stay home if they want me to. I just have to trust that they are telling me the truth and that they will reach out to friends if they need someone.

I hope you all have a good night. Stay warm. It really is starting to feel like winter consistently now. Sleep well everyone.

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jesuisgourde · 3 years

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Mentions of Carl in Books Of Albion

Here is a list of various mentions of Carl in Peter’s journals. I figured these were of specific interest so I thought I’d make a compilation post. I’ve probably missed some since I went through the transcript fairly quickly, but these are most of them. Some are definite references, some are just things written by Carl in Peter’s journals. Some are very likely indirect references to Carl, but they may be references to others; I’ve made the assumption due to the context of surrounding pages. Also, Tumblr has ruined my fancy formatting from the doc, so I’m sorry if some of it looks weird.

Books Of Albion (physical book)

The Albion is still on course, though the route is annoyingly prone to be more akin to a Sid James Mystery Tour than a plain-sailing maiden voyage. Tension on the ship as ever, but more body mass to absorb & ease it. Steve sings. Justin plays bass. Carlos & I stoke the furnace. For now this is the format.

Without any clue as to the basics of self-sufficiency, Carlos is a slight burden - but still a richly talented and quite noble old stick who goes well out of his way not to prise anything out of my weak grasp.

Kellijean, Carlos, Francesca & myself all slept upstairs. Made my way home with a hoover, carrying it around my neck like the arm of a drunk friend.

9/3/1999 4....3 days to see out before my 20th birthday. I have asked Carlos to cancel my surprise party. He is a concern, I noted before: 'MY FRIEND IS RISING, PACKING HIS GUITAR, LEAVING ME. HE IS A GHOST AT THE MOMENT HE WALKS AWAY. DOES HIS SOUL CARRY THIS TORTURE FOR PAST MISDEEDS UNPUNISHED? DOES HE EXIST IN THE SINGULAR? MY FRIEND, A PROUD AND LONELY YOUNG MAN. FIGHTING GODS AND DEMONS. RUNNING ALWAYS FROM DEATH."

Strangely, I brought my guitar with me. Perhaps I can busk across. How foolish, naive or impracticle am I? How adventurous, capricious or inspired am I? where am I.... Through the peephole on the moving train, all I can see is that the place is quite long in letters and begins with an S. I think of Lorraine, Carlos, Francesca not at all....not of anything. I am conscious only of the desire to live.

First night of the club tonight. Justin, [illegible], Carlos & I are doing it. Came home from work & all my records are gone. stormed to the cambridge and berated the pigman, after a brief and bitter little exchange with his boss.

Francesca appeared before me outside the Prince Charles Cinema. She raced to me and kissed Carl.

Sometime close to the day that Carlos & I watched 'Love And Death on Long Island' (and afterwards paraded through the tea rooms of Picadilly) we both filled in application forms and were tres excited to be invited to the same group 'interview' - twas more like an audition though. I got the part. Carlos never. This did not bring any animosity - we both know that success for either of us is magnified a million times if it is shared by us both. But hey ho and never you mind the acute psychological burdens this most splendid and dark relationship heaps upon me.

I put the sick pig to bed. am out stalking... singing to meself & walking on me heels. your Love has made misery distant. to London quantum ille canis est in fenastra?

The new Albion rooms careworn & glamorous as any before. Already the Arcadian dream feels the pinch. Rough trade visitations... today is that day that we longed for & what of it? Piggle sleeps on the cradle-rocking central line.

But we do find ourself in reflective mood this cold christmas 23rd day of december, 2002. One ragged roaring hell of a year wherein The Libertines made good friends & had some right old knees ups to boot. & they can't take that away from us. I wonder where Carlos is this night. Perhaps he has fled to the wilds of Hampshire to be with his family. So long Marianne, it's time that we began.... the Albion rooms has spent the last three weeks being skag & boned up to the nines, and what tales I might tell.

day one in the Arcadian retreat, I awoke congealed & unhealed on the on the sprawling soft leather of the couch where Alan, Carl, Goatee, & I my last awake self watched headhunters awhile, I slept.... Wales greets me, we are in the hem of the Brecon Beacons' shirt Day 2 I come into myself for the very first time, not liking my appearance but aware of evolution & forever changes. Loathe to write & line even. Cherez Some Friday and the black hills surround us. Carl has gone under the knife today, after smashing his own face in on the glass sink shelf, after a harsh night of drinking, smoking and rowing.... "'ere what about us?" take an easy graceful sideways position.

Autumn barricading itself in subtlety in colours mixed and matched, steady days like a yawn, the nights silent stillborn cry for the very dawn. Bales of hay strapped up on the M4 broken bones on the roadside, weathered by the years cars crossing lanes like crabs. Biggles stirs in his sleep coughing. Again: a time for valour. A time of whispered events. Now faded with the passing years.

Christmas 2003 comes and goes in sweeping highs & unfamiliar agonies. Think back to the 23rd & the christmas do at the Rhythm factory, Carl at the end of the 3-man show in his jeans conducting the crackers crowd in some beagled ritual. spurring them on to further

"I was thinking of you..." he says "I always think of you..." we natter awhile on matters trivial and terrifyingly important alike. He wanders in and out from room to room. A wolf in his rooftop cave, elongated lair, wild hair and unfathomable eyes. I am begging him for words...longing for the exaltation & infinite glorious morning that comes like a shadow hot on the heels of a new song.

Image, bottom left: a torn out magazine photo of Carl with the title "Carl Barat: 'I'll love Pete 'til my dying day'.”

when you talk about your brother lover since you walked out on each other I know I'm a mess me, and that how when you but when you test me & why kiss and carress me and then I need for nothing more than maybe some wine the taste of my beloved is vodka & ciggies

Through The Looking Glass

You and I my love - we shall set off together very soon. A voyage unto the unknown - away from here, this wonderful place, these horrors..... "the waltz of the snowflakes" from the nutcracker suite Bones Bill has listened to nothing else but since QPR were sponsored by Classic FM. In his blind allegiance to west Londons finest, the logical hooligan was enraptured by the surprising soothes of this new music. Carlos you distressing little bug. Walking out like that. What can the title be for that odd little track Steve, Tom & I knocked up last night. Whitechapel Wonderland? Certainly I need to pay tribute to this wonderful place. This is my perfect summer....hidden away here.

As it stands or slouches The Libertines consists of Steve Bedlow, Bill Bones, Carl Barât & myself.

Let's get beagled & play pacman & read to me of the countess of Pembroke's Arcadia "D'yknow what pisses me off?" "What?" "You"

Image: a yellow post-it note. In Carl's handwriting in biro, a scribble in the top left corner and then "? shut eyes" in the centre.

NEVER NEVER sucking on a cigarette - where did that crowd come from. All money for the slot machines, to sell you back your dreams that's fine in hell so & I'm going with you that's fine with you we'll try it again, but my heart wont sing if my stomachs all untold cause she buckelled my spine [Written in Carl's handwriting] tattered [Written in Peter's handwriting] & tattooed my soul will soul old oh some wonder didn't you always say we gonna see better days so why we building them up & knocking them down it's always living them up & shooting them down with you knocking back [Written in Carl's handwriting] I believe everything you say I believe there'll be A Brighter Day

shit moosic at de foundary - until Spaniel & spaniel take over of course. Then commenceth the grand cabaret & oh what a night.

Let me on / let me off that fucking train. I cant stand the pain & the strain all over a gain c'mon a rush & a push & the land that we lie dead on is all ours. My friend loathes & despises the hammersmith & city line & all those other routes to false fame.

[Written in Carl's handwriting] Pity the fool you made like fear trod all over his sandwiches put grass down his back but here he comes again with the girls in tow what a horrorshow! [Written in Peter's handwriting] A protestant with the housekeeping? A catholic in the bedroom? A satanist in the bedroom?

[Written in Carl's handwriting] In cold silence She was silhouetted Her backdrop the twilight thames and this verdigris rail she reminded me the world was going to end fire in the west to have lived and to have loved to die arm in arm our bodies destroyed we'd come to no harm Do you hear the slurred whisper rising on the wind? Good-bye - love forever

Skint & Minted

feeling revolutionary? or consumed with self pity? dose yourself I remember you you're the one who filled my nose with glue so many kisses ago

sometimes your hard faced, makes me wanna hold you tight & kiss you till you're at least pretending to smile. At least pretending that the smallest ever thing can even be made right. Not living in a pantomime. fragile thing Cigarettes appear out of thin air

I you loved him when he was on the dole & when he was the king of rock n roll & you'll love him when he's buried in a hole. now here's a tale, a tale I will tell of blood & theft & oh sweet love & all the things we do so well

I cant believe how you spoke to me earlier you meanie. Anyway happen fuckin new year you fickle heartless rogue. Ex. I love you you sweet silly thing! flageolet. heres to 2002...hip hip

Albion 47

Drove up to the palace at night with Carl, perched on the kerb as pre-dawn mist spread thick over London, clouding the lights. The only the we have in common anymore, apart from the band, is that we both wear safety pins in our ears.

Campaign Of Hate

Carl, Gary & John... ha. Carl mumbles very quietly about it needing a little more dirt or aggression. Talk about a contradiction in terms. Shuffling about, mumbling, talking about spark! I drifted off into soho, old border. Saw sailer, bought some weed. Guinness. Do I wake or sleep, creaking door. Oh Stella! Don't worry her.

'The Making of the Libertines' Tax Exiles The irresistable rise of The Libertines' 'The Rise & fall of the Roman Empire' Where's Carlos? (the brackle)

my twin he pretends to be me walks abroad lies to broads locks me in at home tied to a like burrowed in a hole smoke & choke alone at home rocks to rocks chewing on my bone, smashed up into little dont need no pretty face stones dont need no human race..... slash the cushions I read every review velvet on the even though noone's got a fucking clue throne all your heroes sold their soles and brought brand new shoes, born to cant help those in need today lose cant get any speed today if you never the my lifes got no real meaning or control choose write some crappy catchy song you know try & get out of this hole couldnt we write some crappy snappy dont want to stay where you say I belong

At least I can come here now, to you, my blessed book. Confidante & forgiver. Holy book of all sordid scribbling & petty grievancy. & what's this I hear? the clanging melodia of Breck Rd Lover. Carlos & John doing their old school harmonies.

[Written in Carl's handwriting] cognac in the bedroom, sunami of polaroids & you are the fool Peter. Hold your tongue or someone may lop it off.

Another punch up at Leeds now biggles wrongly accused me of starting on him which I never did the opposite if anything. I got him a good crack in the face so this weekend he's had smacks in the face from Rabbi, Bani & myself That Boy he's mania they gave him a chance & he gave it right back he doesnt need it a good soundtrack

[Written in Peter's handwriting] So how did it go from EMI/Toshiba to Sony dinner? & in an hour? [Written in Carl's handwriting] We realised she had passion - they emitosh were good at their job BUT she had passion for music... we wanted you to meet her... we/you need to get on with these people⸺ but the food & conversation will be good ⸺⸺ xx

Fine moments at RAK. Mick Jones looks at Carl & smiles fondly, fatherly as the rock n roll star stumbles into the studio can in hand very late in the afternoon (Carlos that is). Oh love my friend, he drags me out to meet Abraham (formerly 'Phil' which he has tattooed on his knuckles).

[Written in Carl's handwriting] Spickio GQ Inter-view 1) The Libertines started in the dusty embryonic pages of of 17th century renaissance literature. The band started in 1997 in Mortlake. Another renaissance blah blah, ask Peter... 2) Hype? Comes from journalists and nosy noisy unfulfilled types. People got & get excited about songs. 3) the songs on our album might sound like

Albion 34

The wandering troubadours the black sheep boys the unowned sous dweller in purgatory in transitory transition the bustle and the hubbub of the old cinema has had a profound effect in my mind - the music heals and entrances the rapture of the exited boys and girls is so wonderfully new and so inherently old. [Written in Carl's handwriting in black ink pen.] Well, let me wright my dreams.

Will you take us with you when you go? Will you call us when you get there? When youve seen how the other half live Let us know Your song will fill the air..... [Written in Carl's handwriting] What a shame my steps were out of sync on that cold and rainy morning. I knew if I fell, dear friend, then we all would. how was I to hold that bulk of legend in order. that's the order of the day. Skinny wag from whitchurch. In these two hands, & my so beloved home town. Only tears now that well up & teater on the edges of my leathery sunken red eyes. Still it doesnt change. on & on & on. I hear Manchester groan under the weight of its self knowing industrial cosmopolitan north south skally gun toting soul chip on the shoulders. Says Imran anyhow. "We all shat ourselves down the wetland estate?" Another timeless tale from the subjects of Albion. Met Johnny Marr last night.

[Written in Carl's handwriting, cont.] Did it for you really. When I shook his hand, I gingerly probed his callouses & thought of you. Never make me swear on the soul of my twin. He was kind but jaded. told me where to score. told me to be ware. He gave up smoking yesterday his wife (who's name escapes me) Mrs Marr, told me from behind her hand. I didn't score. flesh, bone, myth, legend. 2 hands. no more heroes. go through them all like cigarettes & what you got left? Is t really worth it? Thou shalt not worship false idols. Idyl idle eye doll. I hear lou Reeds a right old spaz these days. I don't know when to die. Some go too soon. Nietzsche says.... then died too old, babbling mad with syphilis. There is no other half. not unless you see it as those who do & those who don't. those who show it & those who won't. those that choose to live, or ? candy coated sinners. Always alone. Mental note. Dont get killed crossing road in rain.

couldnt hide my excitement when Carlos said he met Johnny Marr & that he's coming to the gig & likes the album. Or is he winding me up?

All At Sea

what words scyth the heads of my loves poppies. a creeping, cautious shadow that hates my reckless intent. To hold you, to heal you, to kill you yes & roll over you in Teesdale st. Loyal and jealous the night, play a record. If you will I will anyway feel this hollow or sick. loyal and sick to the back teeth of that awful taste. You're the model of my love, hardened in the fire, so soft to touch, so warm to the blade, you hurt me & I hear you cry out in pain

F#m → E & change rhythm intro "what do you know about me? All you know is all that you see, wish you would listen to reason baby - wish you'd been listening to me. So.. so you tell me I'm not alone, and that you'll soon be coming home but the way that you left me drives my mind insane"... check with biggles...

'look out for the Daley Thompson lookalike tanned trim toned and ready to get superstoned, a thousand kissywishes to you and a thousand more and one more for Carl from the bum at the corner. here's lookingatcha hugs of love wolfy'

Novella

Is a book of Albion lost now and forever. Grand tales of scandanavian adventure wherein we realized one of our early dreams of absolute pandemonium on stage, encouraging the gyrating immaculate kids to take to the boards & swarm all over the stage they did & what wonder ensues. Some of them are so surprised I'm taller or shorter than them. Chucked out of the venue we played at in Bergen for beating up the dj when he wouldn't play the Smiths & was rude to Carlos. Burly vikings escorted us to the door.

I suppose I must begin now, to record these last four months, to reflect on the 'absolute' - the sights I never thought I'd see & the meagre miserly destruction which I held so dear. My long talk with Carlos today is the green light for this trawling into the dim & near past. (Afore the smoke addled brain loses it entirely to loss)

Now I must tell you a tale of great splendour & horror, the tale of the last few sacred months, and their unfathomable events. sketches of scandanavia, lost forever in a mislaid leather bound book of Albion. Remember Carlos being awoken by the Norwegian customs guard, light shining in his sleeping face. "Fuck off" "It's Norwegian customs" said the uniformed guard "I dont care about your local traditions" He sat up and saw the officer - fell out of his bunk & cracked his head on the wooden bar.

Come 'ead Biggles, eight days a week. I heard it was a competition, do I look like I care? I suppose that I must I wrestled the infinite & mastered the lonesome day. Making & breaking friends.

A friend one respects when you get on the gear. The universality of culture. A personal poem that hundreds more relate to, and then a life and a love is shared. More than a tatoo,

Lonely Villein

Can it be true that you after so long you're strolling into view I've missed you but you know I can be stoical and struggle on with lost limbs a plenty

Stealing from a thief was I that day in Harley Street, booking down a door and strolling off in the rain. They never mentioned - in court, in the press - the one object that I truly, completely singlemindedly stole. Not trust, not friendship: a burberry umbrella.

Bilo & Biggles go together like a couple of cup of Earl Grey & Giggles

Fragility Of Openness [There are loads of photos of Carl scattered throughout Fragility, so the only non-text put in are the documents that weren't photos, or the whole pages of images that were Carl related.]

Image, top left: Carl's jobseekers allowance claim from January 2002.

Image, top right: a torn piece of paper with Carl's address on it.

[Written on lined paper in Carl's handwriting, sideways at the bottom of the page.] Helium Casino Blanks trenchcoats Racketeers Buckaneers the streets you never have to walk alone cowslick in your eye greets us through the lonely ranks on the rails and up to Bank

Image, top right: Carl's visitor pass to the BBC for visiting Tina Turner.

Image: Peter's court summons for burgling Carl's flat.

Image, upside down, bottom of page: a typewritten caution to Carl for stealing a moped on 16 August 1998.

Image: a large photo of Carl, shirtless, playing guitar and singing.

[Image, top left: a fragment of lyrics and chords to Jail Guitar Doors by The Clash. Image, bottom right: a black and white photo of Carl in the original Albion Rooms, he is wearing a dark jumper and is looking down. There's a framed collage and a small gun or gun-prop on the wall behind him.] [Written in Peter's handwriting on white paper held in with silver tape.] 'Carlos Ashley Raphael Barât' snap of Biggles, that most photogenic of Libertines... The photograph you can see here on this page is from around 1998, t'was taken in the basement flat of 236 Camden Rd, the original 'Albion Rooms' Enjoy my friends (I'm sure the lad himself will...)

[Image, top left: a polaroid of Carl placing a cigarette in his mouth. Image, bottom left: a photo of Carl sitting on a couch with a cigarette in his hand, gesturing as he talks. There is a rifle leaning against the couch beside him and trash all over the floor. Image, bottom right, sideways: a photo of Carl onstage, singing. He's shirtless except for a tie.] [Written in Peter's handwriting on white paper taped in with silver tape, top right.] 3.00 am Paris 6th Jan 2004 Carlos... you came back to the hotel room. said you were gettin lonely. I was getting a familiar old feeling... when you go a'strollin' & a'drinkin' and dont come back for a week . . . .

[Image, top left: a photo of Carl in the doorway at Rough Trade, mostly in shadow. Image, centre left: a photo of Carl holding an infant Astile, posing with one hand behind his back. Image, bottom left: a photo of Carl in a white vest and a hat, looking over the edge of a balcony] [Written in Carl's handwriting, sideways on the right side of the page.] If you knew where id been, could feel what i'd seen you'd have been beside me, but no bother, all the same.

[Image, top left: a torn printout of the poem “For That He Looked Not Upon Her” by George Gascoigne. Image, top middle: a photo of fans jumping onstage at a Libertines gig. Image, top right: a photo of Carl standing in an alley. Image, centre left: a photo of Peter, Car, and others posing. Carl is in front, making an exaggerated smouldering expression at the camera. Peter is peering round his head. The other two people in the photo are obscured by other images. Image, centre middle: a photo of Carl onstage, shirtless, singing. Image, centre right: a torn photo of Carl. He is looking at the camera, possibly mid-speech; his hair is in his eyes. Image, bottom left: a torn photo of Carl onstage, shirtless and singing. Image, bottom middle: a photo of four men. Three of them are sitting on the stairs; one has on a black cap and has his head in his hand, one has dyed red hair and sunglasses, and one is not looking towards the camera. Carl is standing beside the stairs, looking at some papers in his hand. Image, bottom right: a fragment of a photo of Carl onstage, shirtless.] [The text of the poem by George Gascoigne, top left.] You must not wonder, though you think it strange, To see me hold my lowring head so low; And that mine eyes take no delight to range About the gleams which on your face do grow. The mouse which once hath broken out of trap Is seldom teased with the trustless bait, But lies aloof for fear of more mishap, And feedeth still in doubt of deep deceit. The scorched fly which once hath 'scap'd the flame Will hardly come to play again with fire. Whereby I learn that grievous is the game Which follows fancy dazzled by desire. So that I wink or else hold down my head, Because your blazing eyes my bale have bred.

[Image, top left: a photo of Carl wearing a grey shirt with "Playboy" written on it in reverse in white, red, and blue. He is looking at the camera with a neutral expression. Image, top right, sideways: a black and white photo of Carl in the original Albion Rooms. He is looking at the camera with an unfocused or mid-blink expression. Image, bottom left: a photo of Carl in front of a blue wall, talking to someone with a smile on his face and a cigarette in his hand. Image, bottom right: a photo of Carl onstage, playing guitar, wearing his red military jacket.]

[Image, top middle: a torn title of an article, reading “A devine Original”. Image, top left: a photo of Carl standing in an alley. Image, top right: a dim photo of Carl onstage, playing guitar. Image, centre right: a black and white photo of Carl wearing a hat, a white vest, and an unbuttoned collared shirt, looking to the right. Image, bottom left: a photo of Carl in a sleeveless collared shirt, posing, flexing his right arm and making a face. Image, bottom left: a torn piece of paper with a fragment of a poem from Order And Disorder by Lucy Hutchinson. Image, bottom right: a photo of a young Carl in a white collared shirt and dark tie, with the sleeves rolled up. He has a slight smile on his face.] [The text of the poem by Lucy Hutchinson, bottom left.] if I on thee a private glance reflect, confusion does my shamefull eyes deject Seeing ye man I Love by me betrayed by me who for his mutual help was made. Who to preserve thy life ought to have dyed & I have kill'd thee by my foolish pride, defiled thy Glory and pull'd down thy Throne oh! y! I had but sind & dyed alone, Then had my torture, & my woe been lesse I yet had Florished in thy happyness.

[Image, top left: a black and white photo of Carl peering at the camera. He is wearing a hat and looking at the camera with a neutral expression. Image, top right: a photo of Carl onstage, shirtless, singing and playing guitar. Image, centre left: a black and white photo of Carl in a hat, a white vest, and a dark unbuttoned shirt, posing and looking off to the right. Image, centre right: a photo of Carl in a grey shirt and a hoodie, looking off camera with a neutral expression. Image, bottom middle: a photo of Carl in the studio with headphones on and a flushed face. Image, bottom right: a polaroid of Carl, shirtless, making a face, seemingly in the middle of playing around. The photo has been damage around Carl's waist and the top of his head.]

[Image, top middle: a torn photo of something unidentifiable, perhaps a fireplace. Image, top middle: a sexy playing card, the three of hearts, featuring a woman in a red dress and red feather boa posing. Image, top right: a black and white photo of Carl sitting at a table with his head in his hand and his eyes closed. Image, centre right: a torn piece of a letter addressed to “Mr C Barat & Mr P Doherty Partners The Libertines”. Image, bottom left: a photo of Carl sitting on a couch, half-lit. Peter is sitting on a nearby chair or table mostly in shadow and is reaching over to hand Carl a card. Smoke from his cigarette hazes the image. Image, bottom right: a photo of Peter standing in an alley.]

[Image, bottom: a photo of a white and black stove. A small bucket or rubbish bin sits to the left of it.] [Written beside the photo] Agar stove Bilo & Biggles sat around writing Good old days in the not so good old days

Some mysterious devil plays us of against each other at opposite ends of hell. It is so hard to make amends. [Written on a white square of paper taped into the page.] a pare of mournful rebukes of her eyes and bruised dark lips. The girl cant help it

Paris Montmartre

Arthur there with a beard as all camera following me & my family around the Albion rooms and then...... "remember leeds, so giving us hell even when we've done our best interest to accomodate her" Carlos sits at the end of the double bed I share with the sleeping Alan Voss crammed all 3 are we in the 'Formula One' motel on the outskirts of Nantes. A french music video plays on the tele on the perch. It is Kate Ryan singing 'Libertine'! A wee burn of the brown stuff. Its crappy 'uplifting' housy-pop, euro pop. Alan whistles sleep through his nose. [Image: a drawing of random parts of a face in random order.] [Written in Carl's handwriting] spamagotcha #?*¡?=@! smakinamouth repertoi revue act 1 somewhere brown, cracks in the walls and stones. pigman ferretting around for bone in a dirty little matchbox. No joy there. [Written in Peter's handwriting] five a side goals, metal bars, punching school friends in the face. A rap on the door, tis Dialektik and the spectacled Stephan avec le van. Alan & Carl need more sleep so I venture to the studio, alone but full of good feeling for le day & the the boys. Nantes is village like in aspect, in the age of mechanisation it retains a rural air. coiffure Bernard Homeopathic. college petite laude. Le virginia

Arrive at the studio in the freezing cold to the strains of 'through the looking glass' with beelzebub playing fender rhodes over the ragged & beautiful version with myself on guitar, Alan on drums & Carlos on bass guitar.

[Written in Carl's handwriting.] Humdrum song of the sad rain EDC#B/ A /D piano G /A /D Bm A-Gm7 f# guitar Gmaj7 though shalt not kill

That was I you know who come up to my room & someone else - it was looking beautiful but someone commented on heroin. Then a party & everyone was there including my mum as her younger self with curly blond hair & a funny do it was all piled out like famous me duty. Tabith! remained tidying up? Before that festive house cards on the door looking to the darkly street. Woke up a wee restless all the french about Carlos commenting on everyones lack of joie de vivre. That would be that then wouldn't it. Alan calling in the troops who are all feeling groovy and we all listen to the final mixes of the 4 tracks we recorded two days previous. ta to dialektik and now 'ta ta' and adieu as we are to head to Holland. Alan, wunderkind, stalks the room, leaning up against the door, whistling. Carlos talks in hushed tones to a sweet girl skinny like her sister. I've spent the whole day on the sofa pretty much. Taking it in, mind. Carlos says 'Its only a short life.' - Is he trying to persuade her something? old Hollywood lover man. Torments in the night. sex pest. I wish someone would ruffle my hair or something give us a kiss an that. Narcissist is pretty fucking amazing - the best vocals I've ever heard Carlos sing actually. It is fucking good. Jesus it's a fine song... le monde, ha ha wall makes me cry.

It's cold on the motorway we're all freezing in the colder climes & [illegible] flight connect neglect. Ah and then golden brown on the stereo, soothes my aching belly defrosting lights like sparkles and all flashing before me Carlos silenced like a parrot coat over his head "Is it dark in there?" 'I dunno I cant see a fuckin thing man." Ice scrapings on the window, soul was frozen over for a while back then and a severe bout of wolf sickness. Barricade of bales and through the gaps stretch of iced fields. Not a good morning to be a French farmer if there ever was one... this handsome face multiplied by the presses from the depths of my 426 (I'm already beyond that) This story may not always seem artificial, and in spite of me you may recognize in it the call of the blood: the reason is that within my night I shall have happened to strike my forehead at some door, freeing an anguished memory that had been haunting me since the world began. Forgive me for it. This book aims to be only a small fragment of my inner life. she was so proud to make the pimp come.

February 2002 Montmartre Table shakes - the soul of the wine. Columbia on the stereo. The rattle of pans in the sink. Carlos is cooking dinner & I was flat on my back, silhouette. Recall the Rabbi stumbling for a drink in some backstreet pub near a motorway/railway bridge. Befriended a load of hardliners he did, whilst I ducked beneath the lilipads of a hotel boy. I am to have a son then it was scanned, a Lisa in tears awhile for my not contacting. 'candy gram for Mongo' Peter looked out of the Brassierie window 'I feel strange' he said 'You are strange' Carl added helpfully

[Written in Carl's handwriting] New Motion don't look back into the sun [Written in Peter's handwriting] you know as well as I it will never come [Written in Carl's handwriting] into nos tal gee [Written in Peter's handwriting] oh my friend you haven't changed your usual ways I thought we'd lost you You can be jonny & I'll be june stop fucking around with death at the disco (how queer) time will come coy with nostalgia can go jogging to die healthy

Merry Go Round

Innit funny, Biggles ventures to join me in the studio & even deigns to visit me in my home... on the eve of the tour How cynical has my heart become? Miss Hayley Kenneth has joined me in the fiercely overcrowded one room tenement flat. Evidently she has jacked in college & all else up north & for this... a candlewax model of Arcadia. Unfathomable is her countenance & unproven her power over me. Now even she pats the space beside her & beckons me - Carl lies sleeping on the sofa & I scribble here at the little

sensible studios. Trying to get a straight simple drumbeat never seemed so difficult Poor engineer or cruel engineer? To pity or be pain? Tis the question of the day the day as ever itself nearly 4 and where's Biggles?.. I may aswell to bed

Another day another pretty much perfect squalor of heart and profile upon the Bristol stage this very eventide past. Off the stage to soothing tides of comradeship & the very core of what was altogether a head fuck of a setup & Biggles knows and how keenly he feels the pinch too on these occasions: no other can.

It was the first one of the day it was the last one of the night hold me tight They said 'oh he's a wrong'un' but I could see in your eyes how you were gentle & wise (and you had the good stuff)

I know you better than that lad if you pack in the cracks & smack I'll be your might find me waiting for you with a love that's truer than true you cap my heart [illegible] a love the too many fools that are queuing up to be with you I write a song just to sing it darling I, really mean I gave my heart I know I'm a mess but I'll do my best to prove my love to you

This Charming Man

[Written in Carl's handwriting] Master for the Man the likely lads It was a jelly situation in the yellow heart of mine took some time to tell my belly with the milk of human kind? Now my lip it curls not my kind of world back on knees to the foily ruler

Consumption

The Likely Lads Doherty / Barât [Image: a drawing of an angry pig's face with breath coming out the nostrils. Image: a drawing of French Dog, facing away from the pig.] please dont get me wrong see I forgive you in a song they call the likely lads but if it's left to you I know exactly what you'd do with all the dreams we had blood runs thicker - we're thick as thieves you know please (if that's important to you) it's important to me pipe all summer long I tried to make you then get forgiven in see - but you a song dont wanna know that's a touch my lad oh what became but they sold the rights to of the Likely Lads? all my wrongs What became of and but when they needed the dreams we had? my new songs What became of forever? it's 'welcome back' (how sad) (we'll never know) [Written in Carl's handwriting] We all bought the one's we took. we toured we taught the world and wrote the songs there's the the dream we have, but wrap up all the wrongs and I will hold you for a song/so long you know you're not so bad. x

Arise in good spirits... well rested after yesterdays palava. I had come out of the live room to be greeted by the newly arrived Alan Magee bearing certain long-awaited gifts - the mythical digital recorder that all uses n robotic melody translate obsolete recording device which is not that which I described to swap cop this Biggles expressing a certain huffy sense of rivalry - inky like I leap back in time from here late at night in the silken canopied room of Lucie all gypsy like the occurrences. We made acquaintance in arcady and with ease conversation amidst all wild adventure fatigued, in Camden Frontline but'd look alright in a clash video, rudeboy with a Libertines soul. You know who, you know the sort - the one. The one you love, more than forever desire. oh you wanna be with them, now, reading this page aloud to you or bath or kissy kissy or so

Image, top left: a photo of Carl's bare back with “Libertine” in Japanese painted on it in black. The image has been brushed with white paint on the edges.

[Written in Carl's handwriting in gold gel pen.] Although I sit here on a vital page of my own potted history, sometimes lonely, sometimes not, I feel I write from afar. Just where or how I came to be here, I couldn't explain. Sometimes I dont know why, or maybe thats what I kid myself? However, the studio is sunny, the music is dulcet, my friends are here sharing a timeless pride. Mick is dancing [Image: a drawing of Mick Jones from behind, dancing with his hands up.] [Written in Peter's handwriting] How can you make us understand how Carl sounds like Jim Morrison but better when the penny drops

[Written in Carl's handwriting] NO → E dont dont be coy cuz I'm too clever I wont follow you down to the darkest stormy weather the bracket is wider now whats your pleasure ill see you on the other side but please....

[Written in Carl's handwriting on a piece of lined paper pasted into the journal.] I hear the things u say watched friendship fall away And it only leads to sorrow so lets be it as it may I meet people every day with thinking something they wont say I hear what all the bullies say lays on the grit hair turns grey and its such a sunny day oh its not any an easy game to play

[Written in Peter's handwriting] Dont look back into the sun Doherty/Barat [Image, top left: a drawing of a sun.] verses G / D / Em / D / C / D chorus C / G / C / D Dont look back into the sun now you know that your time is come and they said it would never come for you oh oh oh they'll never forgive you bit they won't let you go she'll never forgive you but she won't let you go [Written in Carl's handwriting] Don't look back into the sun you cast your pearls, but you're on the run & all the lies you said, who did you save? But then they played that song @ the death disco it started fast, but then ends so slow, and all the time just reminded me of you. they'll never forgive you but they won't let you go Barât / Carl

Stix & Stones

My fingertips filthy, blistered burnt and sliced... a tatty crossfire of plasters hold the end of my right index finger together. I slit it open by accident when I was pulling the razor blade out the razor to slice my chest up with t'other night. Ended up doin' one of the geetars over a monitor on the last night of Brixton, kicking Carl's amp over, showing 5,000 people my chest, blood fury, legging it through Brixton... was caught up with by my tour 'shadow' minder (Jeff) decided, topless & freezing in the street, to head back in. Cut myself a bit more and then rejoined the boys half-way through the Good Ol' Days. Heartless swines had done time 4 heroes without me!

you dont show your face no more I miss you man pal I miss you bad I miss this and I miss all the good times we had was digging out some old tapes we done winding melodies & reparties France writing general smuts & dont look back into the sun

Libertine

I showed no decorum I saw the photo you left on the forum hell had furys warning the photo was the happiest way that was today now they dont think I'm o.k now to them if I'm happy then I can't be o.k. I gave fair warning just to relieve your boredom you showed no decorum in my harem that day when I get round to si who will buy my beautiful roses who will buy my beautiful song?

in a bangkok bizarre 'no... you call each other Mr Spaniel'

You smile like a sickly child & with grace & guile You steal the shows embrace your foes keep your nose crystal clean & re-live the dream Your beautiful for an awkward second hot tin metal scars white pink petals all debts to the soul settled more or less.... could the gods care less? cruel motherfuckers they'll never stop us cant touch this

do you know me? I dont think so romanticize a dark & gloomy past trying to escape from the underclass Gm / Gm / Gm / A Bb / Dm / Bb / Dm you darken the bright & beautiful day your breakin' my heart in everyway don't tell me everything's dandy & fine you're no friend of mine I took you in & you stole from me but you still got everything I need you walkin' so tall & lookin so mean walkin so tall & lookin so mean.. don't tell me everything's dandy & fine...

The vehicle we travel in is soundproofed... the old siren manages to [obscured, water-stained] the eerie silence. If your ears were mine right now you'd imagine yourself to be in a country yard not an inner city. We head up the Camden Road now and past Delaney Mansions, where Carl & I once top n' tailed in our formative years of being absolute fucking disasters legends.

Befuddled

[Image, top right: a torn magazine photo of Peter and Carl onstage, sharing a mic. Peter is on the left and Carl on the right.] That partner- ship now otherworldly in its inception and left to fight another day is it aye I'm open to suggestion but the rules suggest it cannot be how many envision it to be or so

It is hard to measure how different I feel, another week will be even madder... strange new worlds of purity and clean living, ha! rock and roll! I feel sad now about Carl and his apparent heartache at the Sun article. It's his birthday today and I know I won't see him again for a while.It is hard to measure how different I feel, another week will be even madder... strange new worlds of purity and clean living, ha! rock and roll! I feel sad now about Carl and his apparent heartache at the Sun article. It's his birthday today and I know I won't see him again for a while. He whirls himself away somewhere into his mind, away from me and the hateful hurtful worlds he can imagine. I love him and wish I could tell him so, and wish him to believe it to be so.

Transparent

I showed no decorum saw the post you left on the forum was like a photograph of a happier way that was today now everythings o.k now but to them if I'm happy then things just cant be o.k but I gave fair warning just to relieve the boredom I went & spoke to Gordon he was a goalkeeper from Feltham oh I show no decorum L.A saw the post you left on the forum it was a photograph of our happiest day...

I've been running after you too long your trying not to see how you dont see me how you dont need me

people who just look a nasty way of biting your back- talk to me about the way you thought. The importance of not being too earnest. There is a, always will be a natural, incomparable chemistry between the Spaniels. Sidelong glances that evolved over centuries of late night riff sculpturing and misgiving, petty grievance & synchronized handshakes. All the strength one can muster, even to open the door. The words rattle out of her boney face, ramming at my ears, [illegible] me through of tears & fears such is the numbing effect of the incessant Babble. At least if it's too the face one can defend oneself. Sometimes if it appears that you dont care... apparently I cant see it. so devious? underneath it all so cold blooded & nasty? The reason being that I 'don't express myself that much' This do indeed get misunderstood

Words, long ago building a dream what's worthless to the past is priceless to the last

they meant it and so, so it was meant to be ... they've all got it in for me so someone'll have to pay someone'll have to... great save me from what I want "————" need saw the face it's gone it's gone and wont given [illegible] gone and won't be coming back undone the whole shebang, a plan planned it out on a towel all the guys are going back oh & aye plan A not goin for intimacy riffle and I know what it meant to be all got it in for me oh they call 'em the Libertine oh they aint Libertines

A' Rebours

[Written in the margin of a very cluttered page] (Aye, Carlos) (I, Carlos) ([Image: a doodle of an eye and a car.])

Remember Banni sitting us down in a Notting Hill bar, on comfy sofa, and with some urgency rattling off a spiel about how we must project an impeccable image as a band suits she said suits!

The Libertines carry on without me it seems - even to Australia! christ... how to carry this weight? what's he up to that troubled man? There's having the [illegible] & proving something (whatever that is [illegible]) and then... then there's fucked up torture techniques cruelty and amputation. If I do get not guilty on the 10th of August for the flick knife palava then I'll end up inside anyway for strangling Biggles. I jest of course... his accursed brains would serve my peace of mind well if all over a monitor speaker they were mashed. given that he does not seem to offer me any of the love & friendship & loyalty that he tells the world of in these NMEs nearby. Then again, I would rather he could retain his giant pink [illegible] in that coked up paranoid 'sexiest rock star' head of his, and just stop this Libertines-without-Peter charade that for some reason breaks my heart all lately. If he will not open the door to me then stop playing my songs. It's hideous, hideous, tenuous? A flash then of a [illegible] hanging on my final words.

From Albion To Shangri-La

Oddly enough, I am back at the hotel with Stef of original 'Alf and Stephanie' fame. Their friendship disintegrated quicker than you can say 'Pete + Carl' a couple of years ago, after hemlock escorted the pair of them aboard the good ship Albion one oblivion-dashed New Years Eve

I'm on the balcony at Adelphi Terrace, just off the Strand. I think of Embankment Gardens, down there below me and the river Thames, a stone's throw beyond. I do not feel sentimental. I just fondly recall times when Carlos and I would loiter about these side-streets. Acting out for each other in the mini amphitheatre round. Our ever present guitars rattling out new compositions. We believed them to be masterpieces. It would turn out to be accurate – innocently arrogant and brimming over with belief in each other and in our unseen allies out there in the city.

Typecast

[...] flashy flashy all the while as it fat stub speaker raises its wireless voice and tickles the beagled morning with aplate of the geetar from me new tune - Hell to pay at the gates of Heaven. Carl reckons its yet to be written and that he is the man with the middle 8 and the je ne sais qua to put this lil' kontry armaggedon balled to bed for the winter. Bursting with all the joys of spring it'll be come harvest festival etc etc.

Doing this thing with John Cale – which I Haven't as yet actually done as I'm a day late for rehearsals.. He himself – Carl I mean, not John, I say he himself like that because I was just picturing him akipp' upstairs in the spare room, me dear Ol' mucker and one of the few who knows me from when I was meself alright then let8s get straight to the heart of the matter

“I think it's time for bed, ” says Carl, “I think it's time for your loves and hates ..” says Peter Carl takes a slash. Hates.. 1 Hatred “how I loathe it” 2 Injustice 3 Crass idiocy 4 Fear 5 Helplessness 6 “myself” …. 7 a great hatred for complicity and blinker'dness to beauty 8 The sound of a glass being filled 9 cardashians and sundry false idols 10 the darkside Carloves 1 Intoxication 2 Orgasm 3 liberty 4 bakewell Tart with tea, builders tea 5 Escape 6 the pay-off 7 p pokey 8 melancholia 9 self-betterment 10 family

Miscellaneous

Seen Dean on the save at the bar / had a jar / Carl is away with the famous Libertines in Brazil it would seem. As ever now The Libertines is run-off my radar screen. I know nothing about it I am left no choice but to give all my life & living breath to Babyshambles and the great push for infinity

My dearest Jiggle down dawson. This is Catalonia. You get them all down here. I only really want to see one man though, My dearest old bejiggled soul.Tender is this nightt, and hyde parkey beckoneth. Strange town and-affect and that's a northern soul drum intro and a half.... bum da bum bum bum indeedy diddily doo

Carl alone in the room, talking intimately with Missus we butt into the conversation and hear Carl say, off handedly “yeah I know what you mean its like when people ask you how you are are...” Peter enters “Carl whispers goodbyes etc I'll call you back”... Carl looks at flash new wtch “[illegible] oand P: “I just been to get some dog food “How are you?holds up tripe cut to music hall pupple Carl “Its like.. imagine seeing life in a spectrum at the top is clear crystalline glass and blue sky hashtag no filter (stops, emphasizes..) NO filter” continues in a reverie “tilt your head a little, and start seeing [illegible] of a sunset -kodak moment.. a glass of chardonnay, but it's getting hazy “ Silence Carl: “can you see it?” P thinks “what a wise person” Internal dialogue of Peter : “I dont want a baby that Carl: looks like that Carl continues “can you see it it's getting darker it's the kerb, blood teeth , dog meat piss, kebab darker and you know the hammer is about to fall a reebok classic on the back of your skull do you get it...?

#the libertines #peter doherty #carl barat #pete doherty

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darthwheezely · 3 years

Text

grande - g.w.

Summary: George meets a mighty adorable barista in the new cafe on Diagon Alley and the man just can’t help himself... based off the song Coffee Girl by Johnny Socko! Sorry this took me absolute ages (9 days oops) to get out, guys :/

Warnings: DIABETIC FLUFF STUPID AMOUNTS OF CARDIAC ARREST INDUCING FLUFF UWU,mentions of sexism, Fred being Fred, cussing probably, alludes to sex, PG/PG-13

taglist or people that might like this but idk: @theweasleyslut @kitwalker02 @loony-loopy-lupinn @wand3ringr0s3 @gcdric @thehufflepuffwife @monoscandal @lupinsclassroom @whiz-bangs78 @vogueweasley @rogueweasleys @band--psycho @lumosandnoxwriting @oh-for-merlins-sake @amxrtentias @virgohufflepuff @vivianweasley

George Weasley didn’t sleep. This had long been the habit of his ever since he and his parents had discovered that his elder twin Fred had been an avid sleepwalker by age 4, then became a (minor) party animal in his Hogwarts days, and finally when he became the co-owner of one of the Wizard World’s most successful entrepreneurs and business owners.

The man hadn’t slept in about 18 years give or take. And days like this reminded him of it constantly.

It was a Saturday, the first of the month, and to boot, it was about to be Christmas in a little over a week. Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes was packed with everyone from couples window shopping, children in desperate need of fun now that school was out, parents trying to keep them in line, and even some old lady named Ethel (who swore she was part Veela, and therefore Fred couldn’t “escape her girlish charm.”)

“Ethel, you have an absolutely ravishing day, and don’t even worry about that moisturizer it’d be a waste of product on a natural beauty like you” Fred winked and kissed the old lady’s hand, George watching from the top of the steps rolling his eyes.

“Oh, Freddie, you know how to keep a lady young, don’t you? Oh - goodbye, Georgie! Have a good rest of your day boys!” She waved majestically to the younger twin on the stairs and he bowed royally in response.

“Bye, Ethel!” They both called as she exited the building, the bells flurrying in her wake.

“Georgie, mate, hate to say it but you are being uncharacteristically quiet and it’s making me uncharacteristically uncomfortable.” Fred said bounding up the stairs to meet him, chuckling briefly.

“Freddie, mate, hate to say it but I’ve had absolutely no sleep as of late and it’s getting to me. But I’ll be back up to my usual antics in no time.” He padded down the stairs, winking at a couple young ladies ogling him, sending them into a fit of giggles. Fred sat down on the middle step eyeing his brother carefully. It didn’t take a genius to see George wasn’t holding on much longer, the dark circles littering his eyes and the way he mussed up his already purposely messy hair just...didn’t comfort his older twin at all.

“George.” Fred sighed, George looking back at him, confused. He took his hands away from the merchandise Wonder Witch he’d been rearranging and gave him full attention.

“Take your lunch break early. And longer if possible.”

“Pffft, why would I do that when I have women to woo and boxes to juggle?”

“George.”

“Fred.”

“Stop, I mean it. You look half dead as it is, just go take a nap or get an espresso from the cafe down the aisle or something that reinforces the idea that yes, you are a human being and no, not a zombie.” Fred crossed his arms feeling suddenly a lot like Molly and dropped the cross. George pretended to ponder this tapping his chin, rather finding the mature brother role reversal funny as hell.

“Oh, alright, but can I still be a zombie when I get back?”

Fred hit him with a folder and sent him on his way.

-•-•-

You had just finished the lunch rush, finally being able to calm down and not have to worry about making one more goddamn Butterbeer Latte for at least another 20 or so minutes...until there’d be another rush. You grabbed a lemon scone, took off your apron and sat against the back counter. You inhaled the citrus scent, it was always something that you loved to savor, and took a bite.

The holidays for the Merlin’s Mochas, the cafe, had been absolutely atrocious so far. All you had for customers were angry businessmen, bratty kids and their upper class parents who let them run around the already small place being rude to everyone, your boss Lionel who had an affinity for calling every woman who worked there a “bitch” (...ok lionel) and to top it all off: you’d been pulling 9 hour days every day except sundays. Needless to say: you kind of super hated your job.

You had just finished your scone when you heard the door chime signal a customer, immediately wiping your hands on your jeans and restrapping your apron.

“Hi how can I-“ oh Jesus this is the hottest man I have ever seen. He was easily no older than 23, fiery red hair, a perfectly tailored striped terracotta suit, green tie, and the most gorgeous doe brown eyes you’d ever seen.

“How can you...?”

“Help you, ohmygod, I am so sorry I’m super-“

“Tired? Yeah me too...interesting how similar we are this early in the game hmm?” He winked at you and your knees felt too weak. No he was just a stupid hot customer that also was really hot and also? Was super hot. No worries, Y/N, just don’t die by 22 okay thanks.

“Very funny...wait are you-“ your finger led from him to the statue outside Wizard Wheezes, realizing a simple oh shit

“Yeah, that would be me. Or my twin Fred but we never really decided, that’s why he kind of looks like both of us mixed. Although we’re twins so we basically look the same anyway. I mean because were identical. Twins, yeah.” George, what the fuck is wrong with you, why are you sweating? She’s just a simply beautiful girl in a simply maddeningly purple coffee shop can you please breathe and not make yourself look stupid-

“Oh, wow! I’ve never met a twin before - not like twins are anomalies or anything it’s just so crazy. Science. Science is crazy” You closed your eyes and took a breath

“We should probably start over shouldn’t we?” You wrinkled your nose.

“That sounds much more redeeming than anything we both were about to say” George breathed out laughing softly, rubbing his hand through his hair.

“I’m George. Weasley. Like I said, I work at Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes, the shop over there, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen this place before...or you for that matter, I never forget a beautiful young woman.” He said smoothly, his heart steadily subsiding - something about you had the power to not only make him scared out of his mind, but also totally at ease.

You returned the smile, warmly, the blood rushing to your cheeks at his compliment and sticking your tongue to your teeth. “Well, George Weasley, of Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes I’m Y/N Y/L/N. And yeah, we’re new around here,” you leaned further onto the counter, realizing, albeit a moment too late that your eye level was directly with his abs now, and although he was wearing a suit...you could definitely tell they were there.

“We erm, just opened three months ago. It’s honestly a bit of a time to work here.”

“Oh and why is that?”

“Well, nothing like a blatant sexist to run an entirely female employed establishment and weird stuffy rich people.” Your eyes widened suddenly, and you felt like you had said far too much far too soon. But he gasp-laughed - laugh that ended as soon as it began and burst into a smile...like you had shared a secret with him.

“What the hell is he doing here then? Got a boy’s club to run in a purple coffee shop?”

“I mean you never really know these days, George, imposters are among us at every moment” you purred and pushed off the counter, meaning it as a joke but George’s heart screamed when he heard your name. As you moved to the other edge of the counter, he followed you.

“What a resourceful and cruel young woman, I am starting to like you, Miss Y/L/N.” He clucked. “And do you think of me like you think of Mr. I-Hate-Women-That’s-Why-I-Hire-Them?” He got inches from your face, smelling the coffee beans and vanilla extract that riddled your skin.

“Hmm...Mr. Weasley, I’m not so sure.” You coyly stepped away from him and took long strides to the far end of the coffee bar by the wall. George immediately felt a pit of flirtatious butterflies and (arousal?) something more in his stomach, jaw dropped, he followed you again. He pressed his hands to the counter in front of you.

“Well, how can I convince you?” He asked rather quickly.

“Hmm...” you leaned forward like he did before and his breath hitched in his throat “...let’s get you a cuppa first.”

-•-

“Wait, okay let me get this straight-“

“Yes?”

“You have 6 other siblings.”

“Yes.”

“...because your mom wanted a girl?”

“That-that would in fact be true, yes.”

You thought for a moment.

“So you’re telling me after she made it through you two-“

“-she still wanted to have more of us, believe me, it races through my mind daily.” He nodded vehemently laughing with you. You two had taken to the empty cafe at a table nestled in the corner, him sitting in a chair across from you on a bench. You had both been cracking each other up with stories from your childhoods, like how you both had managed to never know of the other’s existence until now.

He’d discovered that you had transferred from Hogwarts to Beauxbatons early on in your fourth year. You, a Hufflepuff, loved the quiet and soft landscape of the French school. You both had absolutely no idea the other existed. How? The world may never know.

He was brash. You were careful.

He was already flying when you were just feeling comfortable learning how to walk.

But you sat there with him for the better amount of an hour and a half, laughing and interrupting each other with memories of the school years you had, some weird and strange, and especially during fourth year, hard for George to talk about.

Ginny, his baby sister, had almost died. And as he said to you in a candid and highly vulnerable state: he blamed himself for almost letting her go to this day.

“I...I really do believe it was my fault.”

“George, it couldn’t have been your fault. Hogwarts is a big freaking death trap - you and I both know that,” you had said with an exasperated laugh, eager to make him feel better in any facet.

“Yeah, but...I’m her big brother. Yes, she has five other older brothers but...we were supposed to protect her.” He swallowed and blinked back tears. “It was her first year, for Christ’s sake, and I paid about as much attention to her as a doorknob would.” He had rolled his jaw and taken a gulp of his gingerbread latte (you had said it was your favorite, and he was loathe to try anything else) and you had softly draped your hand on top of his.

“If she’s as kind and loving and funny as you, I’d love to meet her.” You quipped, a small smile growing on your face in effort to soothe. He had smiled back at you, turning your hand over in his and drawing his digits lazily over your palm.

“Funny, because I was thinking the same thing.”

-•-

He had told you to close your eyes, that much had been true.

See, his coffee had started to get cold. So, like if you give a mouse a cookie, he’ll have to have some milk-

If you give a George a latte he will have to not only have another one, but also feel the strenuous need to show off for you and take you to his place of work. Naturally. And it was so lucky that by the time he’d proposed you leave, he even helped you clean and lock up afterwards.

Truthfully, it almost scared you how much he had seemed to care.

“Alright, Y/N, darling, I’m going to release my hands on the count of three, yeah?”

“Perfect, Georgie” you giggled. You’d legitimately only knew him for so long, but you just...you trusted him. He grinned widely, his strong hands only applying a slight amount of pressure as not to hurt you.

“Alright, then. 1. 2-“ he took his hands off your eyes and watched you adjust not only to light, but to your surroundings as well.

“3.” He breathed out taking in the way you smiled like a teenager, face alight with pure inundating wonder. You squealed and started to run around the store.

“Look at these! Pygmy Puffs - ugh they’re so adorable look at this one! Oh, oh - ‘Fizzing Whizbees’ - these look absolutely wicked! And Per- ‘Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder’?” You picked up the glittery stone in your hand, and heard a smooth voice perk up behind you.

“A real money spinner, that one.” You turned around and there was a man that looked absolutely identical to George, although entirely different in the same way.

“Handy if you need to make a quick getaway,” you heard George on the other side of you. He smiled warmly down at you, nodding his head up to look at the twin across from him.

“Y/N, this is my-“

“-older, much more attractive and fiscally responsible brother.” He winked and you blushed almost immediately. “Fred. Weasley.”

“Y/N Y/L/N. Georgie has told me a lot about you and the shop - absolutely marvelous this place is, I cant believe you two created so much in such a short span of time. Brilliant it all is, really!” George had started to flush, rubbing his jaw to seemingly take the red away from his striking face. Fred, upon hearing the genuine warmth from your voice and the unmistakable use of “Georgie” had a small, but highly distinct aha moment:

“Well, we couldn’t have done it all on our own, one of our best friends helped us out a good lot. But thank you, really...it means so much when other people see how much we do and-” he looked directly at George.

“-acknowledge the things we love, right George?”

“Absolutely, Frederick.” Fred had given him the look that seemed to imply: “please, God, make a damn move.”

“Well, Y/N, I’m going to be off and woo some ladies, have a biscuit and do some paperwork” he smiled wide when you giggled, already enjoying your company.

“But I hope to see you again, very soon, yeah? Please stop by whenever you can, we’re alwYs just down the street.”

“Freddie, for your company, I’m not so sure, I’m still deciding.” You quipped. Fred laughed heartily at that and looked at George.

“Georgie, I like this one.” George looked at you and winked.

“Me, too Freddie, me too.” You leaned back on your heels as Fred padded back up the stairs to the flat, now completely alone with George. You threw your arms behind you back and forth and took a long stride to George.

“So...what are you those?” You nodded up to the array of pink bubbles in a clam shape in the corner. He hummed and reached to grab your hand.

“Love potions - c-can I show you?” He raised an eyebrow slightly, but he felt his whole body turn to mush when you accepted his hand and nodded slowly. As he walked with you, you memorized the feeling of his callouses and veins, the way your hand curled deliberately in his.

You wanted to make sure if it was the last time you felt something like that, you had that memory with you for a while.

“Essentially, if you give these to a person they will temporarily have feelings of love and attraction for you. Depending of course on the dosage you use and the weight of the person in question.” He explained. You watched the way his suit jacket pulled taut against his back muscles and instinctively wanted to honestly just take the whole thing off-

“Hmm...I don’t know about these, Georgie.” You hummed mischievously. Your heart was pounding in your chest.

He scoffed placing a dramatic hand over his heart. “Am i being questioned in my own establishment, Miss Y/L/N?”

You rolled your eyes and hit his arm, bowing slightly at him. “Well, do forgive my feminine insolence, Mr. Weasley, it’s not often I meet such bewitching mad scientists like you.” You watched his face grow blank for a moment at your compliment and immediately wanted to throw up.

“George, I’m really sorry, I know we just became friends-“

“Do you mean it?” He took a step towards you. You swallowed finding again his perfect milk chocolate eyes. You nodded.

“Hell yeah I did, you’re smart...and wicked hot” you both laughed at that. He took another step, the distance being unbearably harder to live in as his digits found a piece of hair and wound it behind your ear.

“Well, darling, the feeling is quite mutual.” He said quietly, taking in the whole of your face. He wanted to crash his lips onto every possible nook and crevice of your face, collide with you entirely.

“We’re going to have to do something about that, then, aren’t we?” You gently nudged his nose with yours and wrapped your arms around his neck, his strong and powerful arms pulling you to him gently. He wanted you to feel him not to break under his embrace. He leaned down and brushed his lips up to yours, feeling you whine and let out a minuscule sound.

“Got you making noises for me already and haven’t even kissed you yet, hmm?”

Your eyes fluttered close and one of your legs made it’s way in between his, snapping any chance at loose air between you two out of the way.

“Please, Weasley, pants a bit small for you?”

“Keep talking like that and they might, yeah.” You two laughed softly and with a final look to your lips he closed the last gap.

His mouth was perfect. His lips ghosted over yours one last time before wrapping every part of himself onto your frame, your lips entangled in each other like you’d never be able to taste him again.

But it was loving and slow and sweet. He tasted like gingerbread lattes and pastries and cinnamon and licking into his mouth you could feel the spice. He moaned lightly into your mouth, sending your knees buckling. He dipped you slightly, a hand traveling to your lower back to keep you steady, and his other hand coming up to nestle under the nape of your hair. Your hands caressed his face, his chest, needless to say? You wanted them everywhere. You wanted him everywhere.

The kiss broke and you and George were left breathless in each other’s hold, your foreheads pressed together as he kept you slightly dipped.

“Y/N, I’m feeling a bit tired” he quipped hoarsely, pressing a brief kiss to your lips and onto your neck. You hummed satisfactorily.

“Georgie, you’re gonna need another latte aren’t you?” You set multiple chaste kisses to his lips and cheeks, feeling him rumble with a small giggle. He caught your mouth with his and you moaned slightly.

“I’m gonna need a whole pot, to drink you in, love.”

#George weasley #george weasley imagine #george weasley x reader #george weasley headcanon #coffee shop #Harry Potter #POV you get called cruel and resourceful by George Weasley #new kink unlocked

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