#slight yearning

[renmedys]

SAY HELLO TO THE ANGELS

higuruma hiromi has killed for the first time and it makes him think of you. (or: now that he has killed, higuruma realizes that his condemnation of you those many years ago was, perhaps, wrong.)

pairing: higuruma hiromi/reader warnings: description of violence & murder, reader is a lil crazy words: 1.7k notes: title namesake is interpol's "say hello the angels"

HIGURUMA thinks of you often. At the heart of all his tolerance and patience and pro-bono work that he does, it’s you who reminds him that there are people worth saving. It’s you who reminds him that protecting the weak and fighting for those who cannot fight for themselves is a noble way of life. It is precisely because of people like you, who show no remorse or shame for the crimes they perpetrate, that he can continue to believe in those who are truly innocent. 

He had… disliked you, the first you met. Hate is too strong a word, and Higuruma makes a point to try and not hate his clients. He remembers being baffled by who you presented yourself to be, there in the detention center, a wall of glass between you. 

When he pulled the chair out, you’d looked up from inspecting your nails, around your wrists a pair of handcuffs that chained you to the table. He knows now that you could’ve broken free of those confines with ease. He saw your eyes rake over Higuruma’s neat suit and pristine appearance until they landed on his face. He watched your eyes flit about in the slightest of  circular movements, tracing the dark circles that had started to build beneath his eyes.

“You’re my lawyer?” you had said with a scornful laugh. 

Higuruma only sighed as he sat down, flipping open the case file he had brought along with him. “(l/n) (y/n),” he read, skimming through it. “You are charged with the murder of three adults and two children at 5:28 PM on March 23. I’ve reviewed your case, and I recommend that your course of action—”

“You think I did it, don’t you?”

Higuruma raises his gaze to yours. You have a crooked grin sitting on your face and a knowing look that makes Higuruma feel like you see right through him. It makes his skin crawl.

“No, I—”

“That’s alright, Mr. Rookie Lawyer,” you chirp. “I did do it. So I’m going to plead guilty.” Higuruma blinked, at a loss for words. “I killed them,” you say again, as if Higuruma didn’t hear you the first time, smiling without a care in the world. “I just wasn’t expecting to get caught.”

Your lawyer’s face was struggling to remain stoic, and you found that notion strangely pleasurable. Behind his eyes, you could tell that he was disgusted with you.

“Why?” he finally asked.

“I wanted to,” you shrugged. “I thought it’d be fun.”

“That’s it?”

“I thought it would make me happy,” you told him, “and isn’t that what life is? The pursuit of happiness.”

“For reasons like that,” he says slowly, “you murdered five people.”

“You look like you don’t know two things about happiness, Mr. Lawyer,” you said, wagging a finger at him. “You can look down on me all you want, but even you can see the difference between us. You’re not happy in that line of work, are you? It’s cute, you know, seeing these public servants preaching goodwill. What brought you to the law, Mr. Lawyer? Vocational calling? Were you one of those kids who thought you could make the world a better place? Did you think you’d be the valiant hero who defends the people wrongly accused? I bet you’re just overjoyed to be defending people like me—”

“Enough.”

Higuruma wanted to leave. The pressure of your gaze and corruption of your soul were the reason his job was so unbearable sometimes. He couldn’t fathom what you were saying. To kill for pleasure, for happiness—sure, he knows that people are twisted and have sick urges, but you believe your worlds so wholly that he cannot be sure any longer that these ideas can be boiled down to delusion. Perhaps some people are, at their core, just horrible beyond repair. 

“You can plead guilty,” he had said, standing to leave. He was wrong to take your case, no matter how desperate he was to get his practice off the ground. He had read your file, and assumed you were one of those people caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. After all, who would think on first glance you had the capacity to rip out the hearts of three men and tear apart the bodies of two children? Yet after speaking to you, he realized he was wrong—and even if he wanted to believe, even if he knew defending you was the right thing to do, he could not deny that somewhere deep inside he despised you. “We’ll try and figure out a way to reduce your sentence. You can tell me the order of events in detail another time.”

But he never got the chance to see you again, because the next day he was served with a notice that you’d requested a new lawyer. Your case was open-shut, and the trial lasted barely an hour. He wondered how you could’ve ever been happy perpetrating violence.

Until now, years later, as his client is staring at him with contempt after all of Higuruma’s efforts and sleepless nights scrounging for evidence that would prove his innocence, he hadn’t a clue of what you meant about happiness. This case isn’t his fault. Higuruma Hiromi is not to blame for the gavel that is about to hand down his client’s sentence. The anger and hatred for the actions of higher authorities he is subjected to is not deserved. A man he worked tirelessly for, a man he believed in, a man for whose sake he had shown time and time again he would not give up on now looks at him with a stare that is icier than yours, and it fills him with a rage Higuruma doesn’t know how to calm. The ramblings of the court proceedings turn into garbled static as blood rises to his head. When he hears silence, Higuruma stands and demands a retrial on the spot.

In that moment, he wonders if killing them would make him happy.

HIGURUMA finds you in the same prison he first met you. The Culling Games had begun not long ago, and it’d been mere hours since he spent all his points on a new rule and transferred the remainder to Itadori Yuuji. Now that the onslaught of aggressors out for his life finally seemed to calm, he resumed his search for your whereabouts. The prison is within the boundaries of the colony he’s currently in, and when he arrives he finds the grounds desecrated by blood and ravaged bodies. He sees the decapitated head of a guard lying on the stone floor. For you to have survived—and he’s sure you have—you must be a strong jujutsu sorcerer. That makes your easy submission to the conviction of your crime those many years ago all the more puzzling.

In the chaos, most of the convicts escaped. Higuruma walks through empty hallways and pries open jammed doors, climbing over fallen rubble. He had half expected you to be gone as well, but he finds you in one of the cells, lying on the floor. With your hands behind your head, you look as if you’re on a grassy hill cloud watching, eyes closed in content.

“It wasn’t you,” is the first thing Higuruma says to you. This much is now clear with his newfound abilities.

“No,” you hum. “It was the curse I was there for.”

It makes more sense that way. “Are you one of them?” he asks. “Those sorcerers?”

You laugh. “No, no. Not for a long time now. Since even before I met you.”

“Ah.”

“So, why seek me out, Mr. Lawyer? You need some wisdom in this new world of yours?”

“No,” he says, shaking his head. “I wanted to ask you something.”

You crack open an eye to peek at him. “I think I can guess what about.”

“Why did you plead guilty? You didn’t do it.”

Shrugging, you feel your shoulders brush against the concrete. “I wanted to see what it would be like.”

“That’s all?” he asks quietly.

“Isn’t wanting to enough justification?” you ask. Then you click your tongue. “I guess maybe not to a lawyer.”

“But you’re innocent.”

“For that crime, maybe. But I’ve killed before, for the same reasons I told you back then. And what about you, Mr. Lawyer? Are you still innocent?”

Higuruma lowers himself to the floor, sitting against a chunk of rock outside your cell. “No,” he says quietly. “No, I’m beyond saving, I think. When this is all over, I’m going to turn myself in.”

“Now why would you do that?” you tut, and Higuruma thinks it’s ironic you’d say that. Despite the ceiling and walls of your confines being blown apart and merely the remains of a wreckage, you act as though you are still trapped, not leaving. You’ve also willingly turned yourself in. 

“You've killed people too, (y/n)-san.”

“Plenty,” you confirm.

“I couldn’t understand you back then, when you said that you thought it might make you happy.”

“You still can’t, Mr. Lawyer.” His eyebrows raise slightly. “When you killed those people, how did you feel?”

You sit up now, turning your body towards him. Higuruma knows you’re a killer, and he figures that you could probably kill him in the blink of an eye. There’s no fear, though. He feels strangely calm in your presence, and it reminds him of all the cases he fought where he thought back to you. People who do not want to be saved cannot be. So all the other clients he had over the years, who pleaded innocent and needed someone to trust them—Higuruma knew that there was a chance for them to be absolved. You taught him that.

His eyes fall to the floor. “It felt awful.”

You let out a gentle laugh, retreating into the corner as you lay back down on the concrete, rolling onto your side so that your back faces Higuruma. “Then there’s still hope for you yet, Higuruma. You’re a lawyer, aren’t you? Protecting the weak is your job. Go.”

Higuruma seems somewhat moved by your words, and it is the first time he hears his name in your voice. He stands and dusts himself off. “After this, (y/n)-san, what will you do?”

“I haven’t decided yet,” you tell him. “I’ll stay here, probably. At least until the games are over.”

“I’ll come back,” Higuruma then says, and this time it is his turn to catch you by surprise.

“Why bother?”

Higuruma’s lips curve upward slightly. “I just want to,” he says, and the sound of his fading footsteps make you wish that perhaps you had lived a more righteous life.

[ksketch731]

I've finally played HSR again and caught up TT

Jing Yuan and Dan Heng's interaction

fdjhasfloheawlofhjkehaflwrh the longing

[dumbmlmyearning]

Damn my neck is super cold right now, it'd be SUCH a shame if a pretty boy would come kiss it and caress it and maybe leave a hicky

[thyroyalempress]

I want to be the one romanced instead of romancing, I want to be flirted with instead of flirting, i want someone to put in the effort instead of me and it going nowhere! I want it to go somewhere!

[mochixkisses]

in another life, i would have liked to make tea and breakfast with you in our cozy kitchen with the warmth of our laughter and love filling the air. the sun would shine warmly and brightly through the window above the sink and the birds would sing a song for us. in another life, i would have liked for us to be mundane, but in love all the same.

[sic-vita]

The Sandman | the story of Morpheus and Calliope

Thank you Oneiros, I will not forget this. Fare you well. Fortune be with you

“Goodbye Calliope” 

[yearningaces]

Is it too much to ask this Halloween, to be surrounded by the loving embrace of a horrific nightmare of a sentient creature who adores me and is so gentle but terrifies anyone who dares to get close enough to see their visage? I'll wear a mask so I don't get scared either idgaf

...

Actually...

Did you know exactly what they were? No.

Did you even know what gender or even what creature? Also no.

But they were sentient, and they adored you. You'd been stuck in the darkness of an abandoned house the first time you met. Out of fear of what you were moments from seeing and fear of the situation of being locked in here by those who were supposed to be your friends, you covered your eyes.

And they appeared. Urging you to keep your eyes closed as they approached. Sometimes you'd feel massive paws gingerly guiding your blinded self. Sometimes it was harsh talons that held you with care. On the occasion something akin to a tail was placed in your hands for you to follow them as they wandered.

And as long as you keep your eyes covered and closed, they could remain close and adore you the way they demanded to.

And now any time it's dark enough you can't see, any time the lights go out or you so much as cover your eyes, you feel them reaching out. Some days it's a massive fur covered soft and plush form with a fang filled maw the size of your toreso nuzzling against you. Other days it's the lightest pressure of a miniscule figure sitting on your shoulder, curled up against your neck with leathery skin and a thin tail.

On the strangest days you feel like you're being held in a massive pair of hands, able to fit in the palms of your unseen companion.

And you never questioned why you needed to keep your eyes covered, until one day that is.

They felt similar to a bear today, massive, furry, chubby, and rumbling deep in their toreso as they held onto you while you both simply lounged on the forest floor.

You had a silk scarf tied around your head to cover your eyes, a gift they'd presented months ago. You saw nothing but could feel every touch and hear every soft adoring word they uttered to you in enamored affection.

Until they froze, their grip tightening just slightly and you heard footsteps approaching. But they didn't try to hide or move, they simply sat and quietly asked you to keep your blindfold on.

You didn't understand until you heard panicked exclamations from someone who must have just gotten close enough to see your companion.

And the screaming began.

Pained, panicked, throat tearing screeches as if someone was being driven mad rang out in the otherwise silent forest. Your companion placed a massive paw over the side of your head, covering your ear and pressing your other ear against their chest. The noise muffled as the screaming grew wetter and wetter, before devolving into a strangled gurgling sound. Eventually a quiet 'thud'.

And all was silent.

After a long time, they uncover your ears but continue holding you close.

"That is why you must never look upon my appearance, precious one." Was all they said, in the calmest tone.

You never found a body. They made certain you didn't. They brought you home and waited to leave until you were asleep, removing any trace of what happened because they were just so considerate of their favorite precious human.

Just keep your eyes closed, keep the blindfolds on, and you will be adored and treasured like never before for the rest of your life.

Not a terrible trade off, right?

[ollieollieoxenfreeee]

@countdownOK on twitter

[royalbard]

Imma just say rn, if a girl wants to make me a research subject for all her twisted experiments and inevitably turn me into someone who only exists to let her owner experiment on and examine her I'd probably beg

[toritea]

i love how it’s like clockwork about every single time i feel horny for women— my very religious friend sends me scriptures… 😀 IT’S LIKE SHE KNOWS…

[ollieollieoxenfreeee]

boys who get hard from making out are really amazing actually. like wow you love me that much

[frankenfartstein]

the despise and hatred for the things i create vs the overwhelming love and adoration for the things others produce

[transtetia]

oh to be in someone's embrace, engulfed in warmness and security

[icantalk710]

Okay I caved and checked out Red White and Royal Blue (somewhere non-Amazon bc Amazon) over dinner/some editing, seeing all the gifs and all, and it was... surprisingly good and cute

Decently paced, Nicholas and Taylor were great to watch (and gorgeous) and I liked how they showed their relationship growing over the months (what a real LDR feels like it'd be like)--also the scene where Alex tells Henry he'll only leave by being told to and Henry finally/emotionally saying everything, and their museum scene together, along with their challenging the traditions and all with the ending (may be the socialist in me, but I like that as a theme, which Young Royals has also done)... Also, did feel that bed scene where Alex talks about his dad coming to the US with his grandma/his being in a field where there aren't too many Latinos and his passion for wanting to help people. And that speech by Alex was so good.

Also Zahra coming in to save Alex from his post-reveal dopiness was great lmao. Great move with Uma Thurman as his mom/the president, and i loved that scene with her and Alex on the couch.

Also nice seeing Rachel Hilson, knew i'd seen her in something recently but couldn't place her (after post-movie searching: Mia in Love, Victor)

[bbingustheoctopus]

I WANNA GET KISSED SO BAD. IT'S NO JOKE.

I want to get kissed by her so bad like. Craving her is such an understatement like bitch she be making me write pieces of literary masterpieces rn TT.

[redmantic]

It feels like you only exist in my dreams

I stare at people and posters, hoping so catch a glimpse of you

But in window reflections,

I realise that I do not recognise the person staring back at me.

If I do not know who I am, how can you find me?