#snakehole

[nygleskas]

just remembered how parks is a mockumentary and how there's talking heads and a camera recording everywhere. how in certain scenes you could see lingering glances while the other isn't looking or little movements that could mean something (like laughing at a joke and slightly touching someones arm) or smiles that get hidden btwn me and jean .

[blunderpuff]

yes, capital punishment is something we should strive to abolish

HOWEVER

when a straight couple does a couple's halloween costume together and the woman goes all out and looks great, but the man puts in minimal effort and looks mostly just like himself and not like he's in a costume...

that is a reasonable exception

[poursomesunaonme]

goddamn all over dash today

[vampireactivityy]

Thanks Aubrey ✨

IG: @Singlevampiree

[janet-snakeholemacklin]

THANK GOODNESS I CHECK MY JUNK MAIL!!! I’m about to become a much richer widow...

Unless this is a trick...I’ll say it again...I didn’t kill anybody.

[bonefall]

(Snake related ask!)

If a cat died of an adder bite then how would it take for them to die?

My Autistic brain is trying puzzle out The Mystery That Is Snakes lol.

5 - 7 days! Frecklewish's death was actually, I have to give it credit, very accurate!

...........if they'd correctly described A FUCKING ADDER

BECAUSE THE SNAKE THAT BITES HER IS GREEN, they call it an adder but they said its color is "dark green". So, you know, there just happens to be a wild Boomslang in England, Australian fans stay winnin'

But the symptoms she's displaying are perfectly accurate to an untreated adder bite

She is bitten on the face, which would cause painful swelling

That describes how she's "blinded" very well, with Bloomheart being mistaken that they could "wash the venom out."

Her "foaming at the mouth" is not actually in the book, from what I remember

Because she was bitten in the face, that wasn't direct envenomation to a major artery. She would have died over several days or had a good chance of survival

She leaped at Mapleshade and landed in a snakehole, which is exactly the kind of situation where an adder would lunge to bite

When trying to understand snakes, it helps to remember that the venom of every snake is unique, with different potency and way of killing. This is because snake venom's purpose is to kill its prey as quickly as possible so it doesn't hurt the hunter. Venom is a perfect concoction to quickly neutralize specific animals.

So you get some quirks with snakes of various species where "1 drop of venom can kill 10000 elephants immediately no miss," because the animal they're hunting is evolving resistance to THAT SPECIFIC TYPE of venom, forcing them to use deadlier and deadlier strains! Most venomous snakes aren't in a Tom and Jerry ass evolutionary arms race with one particular animal that Won't Fucking Die.

And Vipera Berus is a good example of that. It's the only venomous snake that can live in the arctic circle, and it eats all sorts of small animals that die fast when bitten. That venom wasn't meant to kill cats or dogs, just be painful enough that they would leave the Adder alone.

[galactickle]

Plus One Chapter 1

Jean-Ralphio Saperstein x reader

Summary: You have been secretly dating Jean-Ralphio for a while… How will the parks department take it when you bring him to Leslie and Ben's wedding?

SMUT

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

Masterlist

A/N: this is not canon compliant

The SnakeHole Lounge was nearly empty when Leslie dragged you and April in. It was only 10pm after all. She propped April near the front door and pulled you to the side to help blow up balloons. 

“Faster Y/N! We're behind schedule!” Leslie urged in between large gulps of air. 

“I can only breathe so fast,” you sighed, continuing the balloon. 

“I don't want to do this,” April complained from behind you. 

“Too bad! Y/N! Catch!” Leslie threw a streamer towards you.

When you and Leslie finished setting up, April pulled you next to her to help greet guests. Some people had already arrived, mostly regular patrons who had no idea who April was or that Leslie was throwing this party. You glanced at your phone screen, 11:00, people should start showing up now, you hoped. 

Your prayers came true as Andy strolled through the door, greeting April with a bow and a kiss to the back of her hand. “M’lady.”

April giggled, yes, giggled , in response. 

“Y/N,” Andy continues with a nod.

“Andy,” you greet him as he passes.

Tom is the next to arrive, dragging along his lanky dork of a friend Jean-Ralphio. 

“Happy Birthday April!” Tom exclaims. placing his gift on the table beside her. He moves in for a hug but April backs away from him. “Okay…” he holds up his hands, “Y/N, looking lovely as ever,” Tom flirts with you. 

You flip him off in response. He was used to it, same as you were used to his flirting. Both gestures meant nothing to the two of you anymore.

“You wanna come home with me?” you hear Jean-Ralphio whisper to April, you roll your eyes.

“Ew, no,” April replies, pushing him back. 

He looks at you, “Keep walking,” you say, pushing him past the two of you.

The rest of the guests come quickly after that, and you and April are set free to roam the party. You sit down at the bar and order a drink. You feel someone slide into the seat next to you. Turning, you put on a smile thinking it's Leslie or Ann maybe, but instead your smile instantly drops. 

“Hey sweetcheeks,” Jean-Ralphio leans an arm on the back of you chair, “How about I buy you a drink?” 

“Do you even have any money?” you scoff, Tom talks a lot, and Jean-Ralphio and his life is one of Tom's favorite subjects. Just then the bartender sets down your drink, you slide the money over to him and thank him, getting up to find somewhere else to enjoy your drink. 

“Oh c’mon… don't be like that,” Jean-Ralphio complained, his fluffy dark curls bouncing as he raced after you. 

The truth was, you didn't dislike Jean-Ralphio like the rest of the parks department did, I mean sure, you found him irresponsible and stupid and even a little selfish, but there was something about him…

“Y/N!” Your name snapped you out of your thoughts, looking up to see Donna in a VIP section, “Come in,” she gestured to the velvet rope that separated her and her crew from the rest of the party. You unhook the rope and step through, Jean-Ralphio quickly tried to follow you, but Donna was quicker, “Uh-uh, not you, Saperstien,” she stared him down, which he quickly looked away from, skittering off.

Later that night you found Jean-Ralphio with his arm around April, assuming this was against April's will, your pace quickened to get to them. Then you saw Andy on the other side of April, which made your head tilt in confusion. You approached cautiously, hoping to just eavesdrop for a moment but Jean-Ralphio’s eyes were quick to find you. “Hey sweetheart, sorry but I’m taken now,” he smiles cockily at you, you roll your eyes focusing on April, who is staring down Andy.

“Okay, well I’m out of here,” Andy stands to leave, wishing you good luck when he passes.

“What the hell April?” you rush to sit where Andy was just moments before.

“What? Are you jealous?” Jean-Ralphio questions.

“Fuck off,” you and April say to him at the same time. He seems taken aback by it but leaves nonetheless.

“What's going on?” you grab both of April's hands in yours, genuinely concerned.

“I don't know… I overheard Ann flirting with Andy and I wanted to get back at him.. I guess,” she confesses.

“April…” you start.

“I know, I know.”

“Jean-Ralphio? Really? You couldn't find a better option?” you joke. April laughs in response. You couldn't help but poke fun at everyone’s hatred for the guy.

~°✷°~~°✷°~~°✷°~~°✷°~~°✷°~~°✷°~~°✷°~~°✷°~~°✷°~~°✷°~

You hadn't seen Jean-Ralphio since that night at the Snakehole, and unfortunately you were headed there again. Since Tom was launching his new alcohol Snakejuice. 

“Y/Nnnnn!” Leslie called from the dancefloor when she spotted you, stumbling over, dragging Ann behind her.

“Are you drunk already?” you asked, eyeing the two as they cling to each other.

“Noooo,” you gave them a knowing look, “Maybe,” Leslie sighed, “But you have to try Snakejuice, its soooo good.” She grabs your arm, pulling you to the bar and pouring you a glass.

You take the glass willingly and take a sip, it is surprisingly tasty, but strong. You nodded, taking a second sip. “It's good.”

“No, it’s amazingggg!”

“I’m glad you guys like it,” Tom walks up, his tall, dorky shadow following him.

“I’m sure that’s not the only thing you’ll like tonight,” Jean-Ralphio sidles up next to you.

“Ew,” you mumble, but you can’t control the heat that rises up your neck, was the alcohol already hitting you? “Tom, how much alcohol is in this stuff?”

“I don’t know man!” he replied, before seeing someone else and rushing off to catch them. No wonder Leslie and Ann were so wasted. 

You turn your head to see Jean-Ralphio still sitting in the seat next to you, smiling giddily. He opens his mouth to say something, but Leslie was pushing a new glass into your hand and Ann was dragging you to the dancefloor with them before you knew it. You downed the glass and began dancing with the girls, although you couldn’t help but look back and see Jean-Ralphio still sitting there watching. The heat rose to your cheeks, and turned back to Leslie and Ann. The two didn’t notice your distracted state, how you kept an eye on the man all night. They were too busy fighting over who knows what. 

Eventually they both stormed off, leaving you in the middle of the dancefloor alone. Though that didn’t last for long. Long fingers gripped you hips from behind, and you turned to slap the guy, but when your eyes met the big brown ones of none other than Jean-Ralphio, you lost all your gusto. Instead you turned back around, grinding your hips down on his, which caused him to grip you tighter. You continued your motions for the rest of the song before glancing around, hoping nobody from your work had seen your weakness. 

When you had determined no one had seen you, you spun around in Jean-Ralphio's arms, leaning up and whispering in his ear, “How about we get out of here?”

Jean-Ralphio thought he could cum in his pants right there, but held his arousal in, nodding frantically.

“Meet me outside in 5 minutes,” you whisper again, turning and rushing off to give an excuse for leaving.

You found Donna in her usual VIP spot and chatted for a few minutes, before yawning falsely and claiming you were ‘so bored you might go home’. Donna offered to send one of her boytoys with you but you politely declined. 

Out front Jean-Ralphio paced under a streetlight, he had already called a cab for you and was just waiting anxiously for you to meet him. For a moment, he thought you might have been pranking him and thought of returning to the party, but then again, you were too hot for him to miss this opportunity. 

“Jean-Ralphio!” you called softly from the side of the building, gesturing for him to come closer. He followed your lead and did.

“Hey, I almost thought you wouldn’t come-” he starts.

“SHhhh,” you hush him, not wanting anyone outside to see or hear you with him. You pull him close as a cab rolls up. 

“Oh, this is us!” he rushed over to the cab opening the door in a wide gesture. You follow, but as you’re about to duck into the cab, you notice another cab pulling up and see none other than Ben Wyatt quickly rushing to the cab, you catch his eye and you have a silent exchange, an agreement.

You climb into the cab, pulling Jean-Ralphio in after you.

“Where to?” the cabbie asks.

You give him your address and he takes off down the road, your apartment was only a little more than 5 minutes away. But man, did Jean-Ralphio utilize those 5 minutes. He drew a hand up your thigh, causing you to look at him. When you did, you got caught in his eyes again, giving him opportune time to lean in and smash his mouth into yours. He was in no way graceful, hands roaming your body, and gripping your tits roughly. But you can’t say you didn’t enjoy every second of it. You were almost too caught up in him to notice the cab pull up to your apartment. You handed the cabbie some cash, and exited the car, dragging Jean-Ralphio, up the walkway to your apartment building. You fumble with your keys for a second, before opening the door and heading up the stairs, Jean-Ralphio right on your heels. You feel his hands run up and down your torso as you fumble with your keys once again to get into your apartment. When the door opens, you’re pulling him in and pushing him towards the bedroom. 

The backs of his knees hit the bed and he falls backwards, you climbing on top of him hungrily. You rip off his jacket and shirt, discarding them somewhere in the room, and rid yourself of your dress. The sight of you causes Jean-Ralphio to pause for a moment, then with newfound vigor, he rolls you over so that he is on top. He slowly kisses down your body, paying homage to every part. But eventually you get impatient and sit up to tug on his belt, trying to remove it. He gets the message and returns to your mouth, as you finally get the belt undone and slide his pants down. He messes with the clasp of your bra before you help him and remove it yourself. You lift your hips as he helps you out of your underwear, leaving you completely bare in front of him. He stops to stare once again. Which you find endearing and incredibly attractive, so you push yourself up to lock your lips with his again. Reaching into his boxers to grab his length, you pump him a few times in your hand. He groans in response.

You push his boxers down and lean back, lining him up with your entrance. He runs the head of his cock along your folds, teasing you slightly, before pushing into you all the way. You moan at the feeling of fullness. He sets a reckless pace, which makes him a withering mess in no time. “Stop,” you tell him. He does, though he stays inside of you. “I want to be on top,” he moans loudly at your admission. 

He rolls over, pulling himself up into a sitting position against your headboard. You straddle his waist and slowly sink back down on his cock. He moans again, “ Fuck , you’re amazing.” You set a slow pace, which has him grasping at the bedsheets beside him. As you move up and down slowly, your hands tangle in his gorgeous curls. He ruts his hips lightly as you tug on his curls, pulling another moan out of him. He begins to suck on your neck, which has you feeling more eager to get off. You increase your speed, and he leans his head back in response, mouth agape. “I’m- fuck , I’m gonna cum,” he moans.

“Not yet,” you chide. Rolling your hips in a different pattern, which causes your clit to rub against his pubic bone deliciously. You were so close. You rub your clit harder against him, and let out a deep moan. “Fuck, Jean-Ralphio,” you lean down and rub your clit with your first two fingers, continuing to ride him, which pushes you over then edge, “ Shit ,” you scream as you cum. You ride out your high before lifting off of him, and grabbing his cock in your hand to pump him firmly until his seed spreads all over your hand, Jean-Ralphio moaning loudly. 

“Holy shit,” he whispers as you roll off of him and head into the ensuite bathroom to wash your hand. When you return, you tug on an oversized sleep shirt and some underwear, climbing under the covers. “You’re amazing,” Jean-Ralphio says again, rolling over to look at you, you just smile and kiss the tip of his nose, letting sleep overcome you. 

The next morning when you woke, you were hazy, looking around you saw the clothes thrown about the room and didn’t think much of it. Turning in your bed, however, you were met with Jean-Ralphio, clad in only his underwear, spread across the sheets. “Shit,” you whisper to yourself, getting up and rushing to the bathroom. You toss some cold water in your face and look at yourself in the mirror. How could you do this to yourself?

[shyacross]

Snakehole - Earth Swashbuckler Imaginator

Here's him ingame (the lighting is kinda weird he doesn't always look like that)

[technoturian]

Can somebody tell me why everybody else on this Fargo series is doing their best donchaknow and there's Jennifer Jason Leigh speaking like she's a femme fatale in the 1940s? They said Midwestern and she heard Transatlantic. Woman's out here sounding like Janet Snakehole.

[sing-you-fools]

Imagine, if you will - please, please, if you've watched the show, humor me here - a Parks and Rec episode:

Ben is, once again, deeply depressed. This time, he has taken up something called "Nerdy Taxidermy," and in her desperation to rid their house of animal corpses, Leslie calls in reinforcements.

Chris knows what to do. It's bad this time, and they need to have an actual intervention. Luckily, Chris is so, so, so good at delegating, and he knows exactly who to go to when an event of any kind needs planning.

Tom steps up to the task with his signature Tom-ness. He booked the entire Snakehole Lounge. The decorations are gaudy and wildly inappropriate. No one's quite sure why he hired a caterer. But the most baffling part is the musical guests.

Chris realizes he made a mistake when Jean-Ralphio and Mona Lisa arrive with microphones.

You've got it? The scene is set in your head? You're ready? Okay.

Now listen to this song by Queen

("That's by Queen," Jean-Ralphio announces as he sets off a bunch of smoke bombs, under the cover of which he and his sister plan to disappear mysteriously. Unfortunately, he bought his "smoke bombs" at a "significant discount" in a back alley from his orthodontist and has just set off a whole lot of stink bombs.)

[episodeoftv]

Round 2 of 8, Group 1 of 4

propaganda and summaries are under the cut (May include spoilers)

Parks and Recreation: 3.13 The Fight

cw alchohol, vomit mention

While Tom invites everyone to the Snakehole as he debuts a new drink, Leslie encourages Ann to apply for a job with the city. However, at the nightclub, Leslie and Ann get into a fight over their dating habits.

Shrimply the funniest episode of parks and rec,, damn near every joke hits AND it has a great plotline around leslie and ann’s friendship =] plus all the actors are incredible at faking being drunk,, I can quote those talking heads verbatim because they are EVERYTHING to me

Pushing Daisies: 1.01 Pie-lette

cw for corpses

Ned uses his unique powers to bring his childhood crush, Chuck, back to life and solve her murder. But he is also forced to keep his distance from her, because if he touches her, she will be dead forever.

[toxictwyla]

I just realized, when Andy and April play Burt Macklin and Janet Snakehole, that's absolutely what Saitama and Tatsumaki would do.

[omegaremix]

Omega Radio for May 19, 2018; #162.

Basic Nature “Love Won’t Always Be There”, “Eyelids”

Animal Youth “You Don’t Know Love”

Pavement “Shady Lane”

Very Fresh “Schedule IV”

Bethlehem Steel “Switched To 6”

Priests “Puff”

Locate S, 1 “Owe It To The Girls”

Babe Rainbow, The “Peace Blossom Boogy”

Lower Dens “Ondine”

Camp Cope “The Opener”, “Anna”

Grizzlor “Sundays Are Stupid”

Honey Radar “The Man With The Acetate Rayon Throat”

Betrayers “Cherry Beach”

Girls Pissing On Girls Pissing “Nine Of Swords”

Dilly Dally “Desire”

Frigs “Solid State”

Those Darlins’ “Screw Gets Loose”

Vertical Scratchers “Jackie’s Favorite”

Raveonettes, The “I Wanna’ Be Adored”

Snakehole “Something To Become”

Wolf Alice “Heavenward”, “Sad Boy”

All indie deluxe broadcast.

[tyote]

sometimes i remember how out-of-the-norm my childhood was and it starts making sense why i feel separated from a lot of people, even within my generation. beyond all the horrible stuff that happened, and the poverty, it feels like i lived in another time, sometimes

like, yeah, i had video games and eventually a cd player, then in my pre-teen/teen years i got access to the internet, got really into technology and nerdery, and the youth culture at the time and all that stuff. but so many of my actual childhood days were spent out in the woods, chewing on sassafras leaves and sitting in a patch of persimmon trees

there are people who were raised poor around the same time who probably remember only having early 90's game consoles by the time the y2k era came around. plenty of kids watched toonami or remember having to learn how to use the web on a shitty hand-me-down computer. most of us remember the jokes and memes from those days.

but where ya gonna find someone who experienced golden sunlit evenings, where the rays dappled down through the forest canopy, speckling a ground mostly untouched and still covered with the decaying leaves from the previous fall, all blanketed in a peaceful quiet that was only broken by a stray falling branch in the distance, or the hum of insects in the background. who else wandered alone with their best friend (a dog) and shook the persimmon trees so that the ripe ones fell, and still at a young enough age that the novelty and wonder of such a thing only magnified the magic of the moment and the succulence of the wild fruit.

learning the importance of finding a good stick to carry with you, not just for stability, but to smack down cobwebs, scoot aside briars and thorns, and to tap the ground in front of you to scare off any creepy creatures

finding fox dens and big, strange pawprints and snakeholes but never once seeing any of the actual creatures - never finding yourself in danger

it feels like more than just memories. the things that happen to us in our youth, the good and the bad, shape us into the type of people we become later in life, and i've always sort of felt like my own breed. so sometimes it feels like i'm some rare mutant species, or a dog roaming around in a world of cats - understanding it, but not really a part of it, at the core.

at any rate, those memories feel like they took place in a different universe now. and they're some of the brightest ones i have to look back on.

i've gotta find another patch of wild persimmons one day.

[stratocumulusperlucidus]

My spouse just said i don't talk about our child Janet enough on my blog so here she is. She's an angel, she likes to sleep face down like a weirdo, her kidneys don't work well but she refuses to eat the food that's good for her, she has a heart on the side of her body and a little beauty mark under her nose. I love her with all my heart.

She was named after Janet Snakehole.

(We have another cat but apparently only Janet should be on my blog idk)

[dreamsinthewitchouse]

#ESPRESSO BEAN DUMPLING SNICKERDOODLE APPLE JAM BUCKEY-DIAZ

Please tell me it's the cat's official name at the vet

(it's giving andy and april from parks and rec calling their son Burt Snakehole Ludgate Karate Dracula Macklin Demon Jack-o-Lantern, Jack for short)

YOU BET IT IS. I was just telling @bigassbowlingballhead that it starts out normal enough with Espresso Bean, which Eddie is fine with, but Buck can’t help coming up with new names for their furry love child, so the government name just keeps getting longer and they have to add to it each time they visit the vet.

Buck will show up like ”okay here’s Pickles, she needs her shots” and the vet is like *checks patient file* ”So this would be Espresso Bean Dumpling Snickerdoodle Apple Jam Buckley-Diaz?” And Buck is like ”Umm did you mean Espresso Bean Dumpling Snickerdoodle Apple Jam Pickles Buckley-Diaz? Also, better add Chicken Waffle in there, too.”