#so I went with 50 50 cause it is truly neutral

[notgonnaedit]

Healer's Care

Faster

Summary: Eight months after the destruction of Tipoca City, and the Bad Batch are starting to question where they truly belong

Pairing: Bad Batch x Teen!OFC (clones being good brothers/dads)

Chapter summary: On an expedition with Cid, Wrecker, Omega, Althea, and Tech find themselves in a peculiar and perilous situation

Warnings: Canon-typical violence, gambling, gangs, illegal racing, Tech being Tech, brother/sister moment (If I miss a tag LMK)

Masterlist

Taglist: @covert1ntrovert @clonethirstingisreal @dreamsight73 @nottwonerdy777 @delicioustacocollector @hugmekenobi

In Cid's parlor, Althea leaned over Wrecker's shoulder as he played Dejarik with Omega. The demo man chuckled as he moved one of his pieces. "I got you this time."

Omega looked at him, her expression perfectly neutral. She pressed a button and swiftly won the game.

"Oh! She gotchya!" Althea laughed.

"What...?" Wrecker groaned as Omega started to laugh.

"Now you owe me two cartons of Mantell Mix." She said.

"Me too, since I bet against you." Althea said with a smirk.

"Not so fast." Wrecker said hastily. "One more game. Double or nothing."

Before either girl could reply, Cid walked out from her office. "Hey! Quit running up the power bill. It's time to get to work. I got another job for you."

Althea frowned, standing up straight. "Hunter and Echo aren't back from the other mission yet."

Tech looked up from his datapad from where he sat at the bar. "I would not call transporting 50 cases of nerf nuggets a mission. Nor is it a proper use of our skill set."

"Yeah, well, your skill set will come in real useful on this one." Cid said. "Especially you, Muscles. You're gonna be my security crew."

"We will require a more detailed briefing than that." Tech said.

The Trandoshan walked towards the door. "No time. The shuttle's waiting."

Althea met the eyes of her brothers and sister, contemplating on what to do.

"Maybe it'll be fun." Omega said as Wrecker tossed her hat to her.

"Works for me." The demo man added as they walked out.

Tech let out a sigh before hopping off the bar stool. Althea noticed and walked beside him. "Just 'cause Echo's not here doesn't mean you can replace his attitude."

"Cid isn't providing nearly enough intel in order for me to have an accurate assessment of the mission." The pilot said.

"True, but when has she ever?" Asked the medic.

"Last time we went on a job for her, it resulted in me, Echo, and Omega trapped in a cargo container falling through Serrano's atmosphere. I would prefer to avoid a similar situation."

Althea nodded, humming in understanding.

                         •°•°•°•°•°•°•

As they walked through a dark path through a city unfamiliar to Althea, the medic took notice of the type of crowd they were going to be working with. Everyone either had alcohol or a blaster in their hand, sometimes both.

"I am beginning to understand the need for added security in a place like this." Tech noted.

"Safa Toma can be a little rough around the edges if you don't know what you're doing." Cid said as she lead the way. "But lucky for us, I know my way around. And if things get dicey, that's where you come in."

She lead them out of the dim road into a sunny area with a large crowd. There was a barrier that prevented people from going over the edge into what looked like a track. Omega and Althea leaned against it and looked down into the dusty area. Vehicles zoomed past, shooting at each other and deflecting blasts.

"Whoa!" Omega breathed.

Cid smiled at her excitement. "It's called Riot Racing."

More vehicles rushed by, one crashing into the wall after it was blasted.

"Wow!" Wrecker said. "Did you see that?"

Althea grinned. "Now this is podracing."

"It appwa anything goes out there." Tech commented.

Over the speakers, an announcer played the events over a large screen. "The smoke's cleared, and TAY-O's taken the lead from 'Hyper' Rod!"

Cid pointed up at the screen that showed a racer in the lead. "That's my new racer, TAY-O. He's a real ringer. He's gonna make me a lot of dough."

The racers flew past the finish line and the crowd roared. "And TAY-O wins!" The announcer declared.

The crowd sounded with cheers and groans, depending on what each individual bet. Cid turned around and walked away from the stands. "Follow me."

                       •°•°•°•°•°•

Down in the pits, the racers were just coming to a halt. Cid walked up to a blue one with a interesting looking droid in front of it.

"Greetings, Boss Lady." He said. "Did you enjoy the show? It was impressive, wasn't it? Did you see me out there?"

"You're ringer is a droid?" Tech said with a note of surprise in his voice.

TAY-O turned to him. "Oh, I'm sorry. You have a problem with droids, human? You think you can make the split-second calculation to win out there. You want to challenge TAY-O?"

"I do not have enough information about this sport to determine that at this time." The pilot replied cooly.

TAY-O stood tall over him. "Then take a seat, spectacled spectator."

Wrecker chuckled and punched Tech's shoulder lightly. "Spectacled spectator."

"Alright, alright. Save it for the course." Cid ordered.

TAY-O backed off. "You don't have to say that– That's– I was about to save it for the course. Excuse me." He said before walking away. "I can't talk right now. It's time I prepare for the next race. Which I'm going to win. TAY-O."

As he walked away, Althea folded her arms over her chest. "I've never known a droid with such an interesting personality."

They walked over into the sheltered area of the pits, observing as TAY-O began to work on his speeder. Althea took note of several oddities that wouldn't have been on a normal speeder. "This is a series 12 speeder." She said. "They weren't built for racing at all."

Tech gave her a small nod and tapped her hand lightly, indicating she was right.

"Which is why we modify them." TAY-O said in an exasperated tone. Althea was not impressed with him at all. "Behold and be amazed. Impressive, is it not?" He asked. "TAY-O is and artist."

Before Althea could roll her eyes, a deep voice rumbled through the pits. "Ciddarin Scaleback."

Everyone turned to see a tall Dowutin with two horns jutting out from his chin. With him was an aggressive looking Nosaurian. He let out a low chuckle. "It's been a long time since I've seen your shiny claws around Safa Toma."

"Millegi." Cid said with a glare. He was over twice her height, but that didn't seem to intimidate her. "I'm busy. Get out of my pit."

"Not gonna introduced me to your new crew?" Millegi asked, his gaze flickering to where Omega and Althea stood. Tech and Wrecker quickly stood behind them, glaring up in case he dared to think about hurting their sisters. 

Millegi chuckled again. "They're not gonna help you win."

Cid got closer. "Oh, I know I'm gonna win."

"You think your droid can beat my champ?" He asked, gesturing to his aggressive racer. The Nosaurian hissed something in his native language.

"What's he saying?" Wrecker asked Tech, who had his visor down to translate.

"You do not want to know." The pilot replied.

Millegi smirked down at Cid. "If you're so confident, how about our standard side wager? Let's see who's the better racer."

Cid's eyes were narrowed into thin slits. "Deal."

Millegi chuckled. "Just like old times." He said before walking away.

"The familiarity between you two suggests this race is personal." Tech noted.

"This is business." Cid retorted. "And we've got a race to win."

                      •°•°•°•°•°•°•

In an empty part of the stands, Wrecker ran up to the others with a kebab in his hand. "Wh-wh-Whag did I miss?" He asked.

"Jet Venim and TAY-O are in the lead." Tech said as the girls took turns looking through their binocs. "Given the unpredictable nature of this course, I cannot determine who the victor will be."

Althea handed the binocs to Omega as the sound of blaster fire reached her ears, followed by the sound of the crowd cheering.

"A friendly reminder to all our spectators," said the announcer. "be mindful of blaster fire. Safa Toma is not liable for any injury, death, or disintegration. Thank you."

"That's not comforting." Althea said.

"And speaking of injury and death, the lead racers are approaching Gambler's Gulch."

"Do not take the left tunnel!" Cid ordered into the comm.

"TAY-O knows what he is doing." Replied the droid.

"What's wrong with the left tunnel?" Omega asked.

"It's a death trap." Cid replied.

"This whole race is a death trap." Wrecker grunted.

Althea turned her attention to the big screen where the racers flew through the tunnel.

"Final lap and Jet Venim remains in the lead, but– Uh-oh. The challenger is closing in fast!"

"He's gonna do it!" Cid said as she watched on her datapad. "TAY-O's gonna do it!"

But how the tides changed when two racers boxed TAY-O in.

"Get out of there!" Cid yelled into her comm.

"Come on, TAY-O!" Omega said encouragingly.

But the racer in front cut the engine with a saw blade, sending TAY-O crashing down the track.

"TAY-O takes a tumble! And Jet Venim wins!"

Althea looked over at Cid. She had never looked so distraught in all the time they had known her.

                  •°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Down in the track, the team rummaged through the remains of the crash. 

"This speeder is in bad shape, but some of it is salvageable." Tech said optimistically.

"That's the least of my problems now, Goggles." Cid said worriedly.

"Hey! I found TAY-O!" Wrecker said holding a broken bit of droid. "Or most of him."

"Maybe we can put him back together." Omega suggested.

Althea frowned. "I don't know, kid."

Cid opened her mouth in a retort, but was cut of by the sound of Millegi's voice.

"I'm here to collect, Cid." He said. Behind him was Jet Venim and two Gamorean guards.

"You'll get your credits." Cid said with a glare. "Just give me some time. I'm good for it."

"That's not how this works. You are out of time."

Cid looked back at Wrecker, Tech, and Althea. "Wanna step in here? I didn't bring you three for the company."

Althea's hand hovered over her blaster, her eyes narrowing at Millegi's guards.

Omega furrowed her brow. Althea recognized that look. It meant she was about to say something either really smart, or something that was going to get them killed. 

"Wait!" She cried. "How much does she owe?"

Millegi smirked. "More than you got, kid."

Omega pursed her lips "Well, we're not done yet."

Millegi chuckled. "Looks like you're done to me." He signaled his guards to lower their weapons.

"One last race." Omega purposed. "If you win, we pay you double. If we win, we get Cid."

"You don't know what you're getting into, kid." Millegi told her.

"I'm inclined to agree with him, Omega." Tech whispered.

Wrecker nodded. "Yeah, I'm inclined too."

"We don't know anything about racing." Althea pointed out.

"They're gonna hurt Cid if we do nothing." Omega told them. She turned back to Millegi, craning her neck to look up at the tall alien. "Do we have a deal?"

Millegi seemed to consider this. "We race tommorow. And I keep Cid for collateral. For you're sakes, you better be able to pay up." He walked off, Cid under the watchful eye of his guards, and left them to wonder how they were ever going to fix their problem.

                      •°•°•°•°•°•°•

Althea grumbled to herself as she looked over the speeder. Omega did the same, her face and curls streaked with grease. The medic had her goggles over her eyes as oil dripped on to her face. "This speeder's in worse shape than I thought." She said. "How's TAY-O?"

"Partially operational." Tech said as he worked on the droid's body. TAY-O currently only had his head and part of his shoulders attached. Tech was working on the torso. "With a few more adjustments, he may be capable of racing."

TAY-O's eyes flickered to life. His head looked around. "Uh, that is hilarious. Hahaha. I am more than capable. I am ready to.... Where are my arms and legs?!?"

Althea huffed a laugh before turning back to her work. Wrecker walked into the pits, more pieces of TAY-O in his arms. "That should be all of it." He said setting them on the table.

Tech grabbed an arm and began to reattach it to the droid, who watched intensely. "No, that's not how you connect the servo." He scolded. "Let "TAY-O instruct you on how to do this properly."

Even though he wore his helmet with his visor down, the look Tech gave him could only be described as the mother of all deadpans.

"You know, instead of repairing him, we should be taking out that gangster." Wrecker said.

Althea grunted as she stood up, pushing her goggles onto the top of her head. "We can't use our military skills in this situation. Millegi probably has tons of connections way more powerful than him."

Tech nodded. "Even if we extract Cid and escape, they will seek retribution."

"Rumor has it," TAY-O said. "the last sponsor which failed to pay Millegi is now taking a permanent pit stop in the eastern sand dune."

"Which is why we have to win the race and save Cid." Omega said with vigor.

"This is not the first time she had required our assistance due to her dealings with individuals of questionable integrity." Tech said. "It is a problematic pattern."

There was a moment of silence as the siblings mulled the problem of Cid over. How long would it be before she got herself into a situation they couldn't get her out of?

"Uh, hey, yeah." TAY-O said, snapping them out of their thoughts. "Did you forget that you were working on me? 'Cause it seems like you're just having a conversation about nonsense over there. How about a little less chatter, a little more spanner?"

Althea rolled her eyes before pulling her goggles back down and crawling back under the speeder. As she worked, she noticed there was something missing. "Hey, Wrecker," she said. "did you happen to find the fuel intake line?"

"The what?" The demo man asked.

Althea looked over at him. "It's essential to the speeder. Without it, it won't function."

"It's probably back at the crash." Omega said as she hopped down from the elevated platform and grabbed her hat. "I'll help you find it."

As the two walked out, TAY-O continued to micromanage Tech's repair job. "No, no, no. You have to recalibrate the –ugh– would you just let me do it?

"You do not even possess the means to do so." Tech retorted, gesturing to the detatched limbs around him.

"I could still do a better job than you, human." The droid insulted. "In fact, TAY-O is so–" He was cut off suddenly, and Tech looked up to see Althea standing there, her finger on the droid's activation button.

"That should shut him up." She said before moving back to her work.

Tech nodded his thanks before returning to his work. After a while, a soft hum reached his ears, followed the the mumbles of a few words. He looked up to see Althea singing softly.

"Some bright morning when...." Her words faded into hums.

"I am not familiar with that melody." The pilot stated. Althea never sang very often, only on the rare occasion when Omega would request it. It was safe to presume he wouldn't hear many of her songs. But the ones he had heard had not matched to anything the medic sang now.

"Oh." Althea's cheeks turned a rosy pink. Was she embarrassed? "Yeah, I guess it's something that I've had in my head."

"If you don't mind, I would be interested to hear it."

"Uh, yeah, sure." Althea obliged.

Even if he didn't show it, Tech enjoyed hearing her voice. It wasn't like any female's that he had ever heard. She didn't sing loudly, yet the emotion behind the words was still present. It fascinated Tech, and he would often listen when his sister sang to Omega.

Althea worked on the speeder, her soft voice filling the air as they worked.​​​​​​

Some bright morning when this life is over I'll fly away To that home on the celestial shore I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh glory I'll fly away, in the morning When I die, Hallelujah by and by I'll fly away

When the shadows of this life have gone I'll fly away Like a bird from these prison walls I'll fly I'll fly away

I'll fly away, fly away, oh glory I'll fly away, in the morning When I die, Hallelujah by and by I'll fly away

Oh, how glad and happy when we meet I'll fly away No more cold iron shackles on my feet I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh glory I'll fly away, in the morning When I die, Hallelujah by and by I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh glory I'll fly away, in the morning When I die, Hallelujah by and by I'll fly away

Just a few more weary days and then I'll fly away To a land where joys will never end I'll fly away

I'll fly away, fly away, oh glory I'll fly away, in the morning When I die, Hallelujah by and by I'll fly away

I'll fly away

Althea swallowed when she finished, turning her focus back to her work.,

"Why would one be glad for their life to be over?" Asked Tech.

Althea looked over at him. Behind his visor and goggles, his eyes shone with curiosity. The medic shimmied out from under the ship, pushing her own goggles atop her head. "Well," she grunted as she sat up. "the person is glad because they don't have to suffer anymore."

"How would they know that? There are no records to inform us of the afterlife and–"

"It's just a song, Tech." Althea said through a sigh. "Do you have to disect every part?"

Tech stopped short, mulling his thoughts over. "Very well. What do you purpose the song is about?"

Althea huffed in thought. "My people believed that when we die, our souls become one with the stars. I guess nobody really knows if after death is better or worse, but I know that it means we can be free."

"Free?" Tech repeated.

"No people to hold us back. No bodies that feel pain. No stress or worries." Althea looked at him, her golden irises meeting his earthen ones. "To truly be free."

                     •°•°•°•°•°•°•

Althea regretted ever shutting off TAY-O. She wanted him to be racing now more than ever instead of Tech. He was racing in place of the droid, who got crushed in a pit accident, and was zooming through the left tunnel; the death trap.

Althea knew she could fix droids, but if Tech crashed she didn't know if she could help him. Omega's warnings were numb to her ears. She still couldn't believe Tech was racing. She didn't believe it when he volunteered in place of TAY-O, or even when the announcer had to double check his name. Tech was a skilled pilot. Althea didn't doubt his skills for one moment. It was the other racers she worried about. 

But it wasn't until Tech hot himself out of a pickle and destroyed two speeders without any weapons that she felt herself relax. And the relief turned to the utmost joy when the announcer declared Tech the winner.

"Here they come! It's going to be close. And the winner is....Tech! Tech, right? Tech wins!"

Althea laughed with joy as she, Omega, and Wrecker ran down to the track to greet their brother.

"You did it!" Omega cheered.

"You sound surprised." Tech said as he pulled off his helmet.

"Of course we are!" Althea laughed. "You've never raced in your life!"

"Yeah!" Wrecker said through laughs. "I thought you were a goner."

The crowd erupted in deafening cheers, every single person in the stands cheering one name. "Tech! Tech! Tech! Tech! Tech!"

The pilot turned to face the crowd, raising his hand in a relaxed salute. A small smile made it's way to his face.

                        •°•°•°•°•°•°•

"We're here for Cid." Wrecker announced as they walked into Millegi's tower. The guards snarled, prompting the demo man to crack his knuckles.

Millegi signaled for them to stand down. "A deals a deal. We're square."

"That was some racing, Goggles." Cid said as she walked over to join them. "I, uh...I-I.." she laughed nervously. "I guess I owe you one."

Tech adjusted his goggles. "Yes. I would agree."

Cid's nervous expression dropped to her usual grump. "I'll make it up to ya. Come on. We're outta here."

As Cid left, the others were stopped by Millegi. "Hey, you four."

They turned to face him. "You could have walked away. That loyalty is admirable, but with Cid, it doesn't always go both ways. Watch your backs."

Althea frowned. Tech placed his hand on Omega's shoulder as they walked out. Despite Millegi's warning, nothing could wash away the excitement of racing.

<-Previous

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[yandere-kittee]

Aiko (Female Yandere x Gender Neutral! Reader)

Contains: Stalking

Aiko meets a trouble maker reader.

Aiko, put into simple words, Perfect.

She's perfect in each and every way, Aiko is beautiful, with her long black hair that's been brushed and kept neatly as to be neat and tidy, along with rest of her.

Aiko is smart and an overachiever, she knows what she wants and knows how to get it, hence why she studies hard for her future, because she knows that she won't settle for less.

(Google play Top of my School by Katherine Lynn-Rose)

Hence why she is looking for someone who is just as smart as her, though there are people who's come close but didn't exactly live up to her standards.

Aiko really wanted someone equal to her to be by her side, it's what her Mother would want.

Aiko's Mother dictates everything that goes on around her life, friends, diet, schedule and little things like her hobbies.

Maybe what she truly needed was someone who will bring the best out of her and show her what it's truly like to live the 'perfect' life.

Though, Aiko didn't know that since she was dead set on her plans.

One day, Aiko was smiling down at her paper when the teacher had handed her her test paper that was graded and recorded, a bright red 50/50 was on the right top side of her paper, the teacher telling her a 'good job' when she went to hand another student their paper.

"L/n, It's nice to see you did your best during the test. You got full marks." The teacher said as she smiled down at you, patting your back before continuing to hand the rest of the students their papers.

Aiko turned around and looked at you, watching you snickers your friend land a punch on your left arm, causing you to push them roughly, them almost falling off their chair.

'Them? There's no way they didn't score full marks without cheating.' Aiko thought to herself as she squinted her eyes at you.

'Yeah. That must be it.' Because there was no way someone like you could actually have the brains to pass a test, let alone get full marks.

So Aiko, using her connections had collected information about you, gaining a folder about things like your family, your achievements and other things like medical records.

Aside from getting detentions for being such a loud and rowdy student, you were pretty decent, you were laid back with your studies because she's seen your grades before, she recalls some of them just being enough for you to pass.

As if you were actually smart but don't put as much effort as she did when it came to studies, which, enraged her?

How can someone like you effortlessly pass when she has to study her ass off to get the grades she needs, were you mocking her?

It doesn't matter if you were, once she graduates college, she'll have a position that is higher than you could ever dream of.

She had met you again while she was in the library studying fot a test next week, but she stopped when she felt liquid dripped down her nose and onto her notes, it was blood.

She gasped as she quickly went to find a tissue to wipe the red liquid and had a hand on her nose in order for it to not drop onto the floor, a shadow had loomed over her, making her look up to see you handing her your handkerchief.

"Your nose is bleeding." You point to you own nose.

"I know that. I don't need that." Aiko sighed as she failed again to find herself a handkerchief or tissue.

"Yes you do. You can just take it. I have tones of these at home." You say as you place the handkerchief on top of the table and left the library, not letting Aiko say another word.

Aiko watched your retreating form and looks down at the handkerchief that had a fancy looking flower pattern that had your initials sowed on them.

Aiko took it and wiped her hand and placed it over her nose.

Y/n L/n...

Your different from what she thought you were like.

That may have been due to the error of her judgement.

She'll just have to get to know you more to know how you manage to stay under her radar.

--

Can you guys tell I have a thing for girls? Yeah.. Women<3

Anyways, Follow if you like fem yanderes!

Picrew link.

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[jimlingss]

Arcadia

➜ Words: 9.6k

➜ Genres: 50% Fluff, 50% Angst, Dystopia!AU, Utopia!AU

➜ Summary: In a new era, the human race has largely been eradicated through warfare and disease. You are one of the few left, living in the forest and making use of the wild. Or at least that's what you think until a man quite literally crashes into your home.

cr.

It happened in the afternoon.   A deafening noise from the sky. A thin whistle that crescendoed. Louder than what you’re used to hearing. Ringing in your eardrums. It shrieked horrifically — rumbling the ground — roaring through the silent forest. And you looked up to see a streak of white in the sky. Immediately, you dropped the animal in hand, abandoned the trap at your feet and ducked your head.   But the explosions never came raining down on your skull.   Instead, it happened in the distance. An explosion that made the evening sky spark bright white.    It took a full minute for it to die down, for the smoke to fade into the horizon as if nothing occurred a moment ago. Yet, you stalked the fumes and commotion, crept in the shadows. You knew better than to approach foreign things, to approach clamor and potential danger.   But the forest had been quiet for so long that it provoked your curiosity.    What you found past the shrubbery and trunks of spruce is a giant white cylinder with rounded edges. A capsule. So white that it burnt to the back of your eyelids, in no way natural whatsoever. But the colour had been marred by dirt and foliage after it crash-landed. The mud and ground hugged it, molded against the shape after it quite literally smashed into the Earth.   Before you could approach the thing and investigate, there was another noise. An unfamiliar whirring. It made you flinch and stumble back, taking refuge behind the trees.   But as you peeked out, you saw something crawling out of the open compartment. A groan.    Someone.   You hadn’t seen another person in years.   Immediately, you stepped forward and he saw you. Eyes darting to look into yours.   He was in stark white clothing from top to bottom, pants that stopped too short at his ankles, a shirt that was cut awkwardly and too small for his broad shoulders. It was vivid against his dark hair and golden skin, almost made him look ridiculous. But you supposed at the time you didn’t look any better — ripped jeans, dirtied boots, a worn jacket taken years ago from some loot and your hair tucked into a baseball cap with a logo too faded away to discern.   “I-I won’t hurt you,” he stutters out, putting up his hands. “I...I’m Seokjin. I’m part of the rescue fleet of Arcadia.”   Arcadia?   The man, Seokjin, sighs after your ongoing silence. “Sorry. Of course you wouldn’t understand me. I,” he enunciates slowly and points to himself. “Am. Friend.” His hands wildly form a heart for you to see and then he points at you with his left while still making wild gestures with his right. He tries to smile brightly. “I. Help. You—”   “I understand you,” you deadpan with an impassive expression.   The man is visibly taken aback, eyes rounded as his mouth opens and closes comically. “Y-You can speak?”   Your arm lifts and your index finger points at his head. “You’re bleeding.”   ... .. .   He looks around the interior of the tree house like a lost child, seated on the floor and waiting for his parents to return. It’s a meager shack made of alder, large gaps for windows, tattered backpacks stained and collected in the corner by some pairs of shoes and an old radio. There’s a fishing line hung diagonally across the room and above his head, used to dry clothing. But he finds himself drawn to the radio and crawls over to try to switch it on, tugging on its antenna, turning the dials.   Yet, all that answers is noisy static.   “It’s been broken since a long time ago,” you pipe up, nearly startling him to death with your sudden presence. But you had simply climbed up the ladder quietly. “I’m still tinkering with it.”   Seokjin sets the radio down. “I have a device similar to it. Thought this one would work.” He pulls out a black and thick rectangular piece of plastic from his back pocket and you scarcely recognize it.   “A walkie-talkie?”   “Kind of. It’s called an Erewhon device. State of the art technology, even if it looks chunky. It transmits radio waves without any limit of range and it syncs to one other device. No third can ever join or hack into it. I use this one to communicate with my base. Or at least I usually would, if the thing didn’t break in the crash.”   You don’t understand anything he’s saying, so you chalk it up to gibberish.   “It stings.” Seokjin sharply inhales as you apply pressure to his wound. But the ache soon alleviates when you wrap bandages around his head. “What’s your name?”   It’s your last roll of bandages.    “Y/N.”   It’s not like you to be so generous or welcoming towards a stranger. The nature of your upbringing and life has ingrained an innate suspicion to anyone who isn’t yourself. But there’s a characteristic about the man in front of you that doesn’t make you doubt his intentions.   It must also be partly because you’ve been on your own for so long and your inner subconscious is willing to dance with danger if it means having some kind of contact with another. But whatever the case may be, you don’t feel wary of Seokjin even if you should.   “Are...there any others?”   “Other humans? There hasn’t been any for years.”   “There’s….just you?”   “Just me.” Until now. “Where did you come from?”   “I come from a place called Arcadia. It’s a utopian society just off the Zion mountain and Elysian Fields,” he says as if you know what those places are. “It has everything and it’s where the remaining people have gathered for years. I actually rescue people like you who are still alive and bring them back. How...how did you manage to survive on your own out here?”    “I just do.”    “How long have you been here?”   “I don’t remember. The apocalypse happened when I was young.”   Seokjin makes a noise of acknowledgment like he understands. “It happened when I was seven.”   “I remember celebrating my fifth birthday in an underground bunker with my parents.”   He doesn’t ask where they are. If they aren’t with you now, it’s safe to assume your parents are dead like his are.    “I had a lot of people help me along the way, a lot of people who died,” you say, “I’ve been in sanctuaries and communities until they fell. Everything was only temporary. So, I’ve been on my own for a while.”   “Arcadia is different,” he says with bright eyes, breathy voice full of wonder and hope. “It’s where the new world is beginning. I can take you there.”   “Isn’t your flying machine broken?”   “You mean my Xanadu Shuttle?” Seokjin scratches the back of his neck and chuckles. You notice how the tips of his ears turn scarlet. “Actually, it was my first time taking it out that far. I’m kind of new to all this. But don’t worry! When it crashed, it sent a notification to headquarters and gave coordinates, so they should find me soon. I’ll try to fix my Erewhon device too.”   You don’t pretend like you know the things he’s referring to. “Are you hungry?”   “I have dried pemmican!” He lights up as if remembering and pulls a transparent wrapped bar from his back pocket. You wonder what else is in those endless pockets of his.    Seokjin must read the puzzled expression on his face since his smile widens. “Want to try it?”   “Sure.” You rip open the wrapper and you’re met with a dark red and gray block, and a meaty scent that makes you slightly nauseous. But you’ve eaten worse before, so you take a bite.   Seokjin instantly laughs when your expression wrinkles up. “It tastes better the more you eat it. Promise.”   “It’s awful.” There’s a temptation to spit it out the window, but afraid that it might be considered rude, you swallow it down and quickly hand back the monstrosity to him. “Do you want rabbit?”   “Sure.”   … .. .   It’s odd to eat a meal with someone — an experience that you’re unable to pinpoint your last memory of. It’s rather mundane, but mundanity has long been a privilege in this era.   “You can sleep in the tree house if you want.”   “Where will you be?”   “I usually like to sleep on the forest floor anyway.” It isn’t a lie. One of the few things you love is drifting off while gazing at the stars, that the last thing you see is the sparkling horizon before it’s blue again when you awake. “How many people are there in Arcadia?”   “About twenty five hundred people so far.”   So far. But if what he tells you is true, then it’s a big settlement.   As if able to see how he’s piqued your curiosity, Seokjin continues, “It’s an amazing place and we’re completely self-sufficient. There’s an agriculture industry that’s growing and greenhouses underground that gives us all the food we need. They developed a water filtration system as well and it’s connected to the mountain springs nearby. There are pods that people live in, schools that kids can go to, jobs, medicine— you’ll see when I take you back.”   “I never said I was going with you.”   “What? Why wouldn’t you?”   You don’t answer.   … .. .   “Morning.” You watch as he climbs down the ladder and nearly slips off. It’s an amusing sight to see his hair in a disarray and his eyes swollen beyond recognition. “Glad to see you’re finally up.”   Seokjin, on the other hand, is baffled at how you’re already moving so energetically. “When….did you get up?”   “Since sunrise. Changed your bandages too, if you didn’t already notice. I’m getting breakfast prepared. There’s a stream down this path that you can wash your face in. Collect water for me while you’re at it.”   You hand him a silver pail.   Walking off, Seokjin finally gets a good look at the forest. It’s quiet, save for the chickadees he notices in the thin branches of the spruce, twiddling as he passes and the woodpeckers hammering against the alder. There was just enough rays of light bursting through to allow the saplings to flourish and shrubs to overgrow. And the verdant green almost blinds his vision with how vivid it is. He’s never been so surrounded in nature before — never has it encapsulated him completely.   When Seokjin returns, he’s more alert than before.   “Thought you got lost for a second. You can set the water over there. Do you want to help me look at my traps?”   He follows you and nearly steps into a trap before you yell at him. But he’s amazed. You’ve designated a whole section full of traps made of loose string and branches, and when he asks, he learns they’re treadle snares to drowning snares.   “They don’t yield a lot of food. It depends on the season, but it mainly depends on luck.”    “What do you usually eat then?”   “I have some canned stuff from the cities, but there’s a lot of berries and herbs around here that are edible. I’m in the process of growing some basil and tomatoes too, so I never really starve out here.”   Seokjin is astounded. You can see it on his face, but you don’t know why that is. It’s not like any of these things are impressive. It’s just things you learn once you’ve lived out here long enough.   “You’re making a fire now?”   He watches as you take out a curved piece of wood with string attached and another piece that’s pointed at the end. You saw it back and forth on some more wood and Seokjin watches the smoke, how the friction creates the heat, how you transfer the embers to tinder.   “Is this how you always make fire?”   “Nowadays. At the beginning when I still had materials, I would use batteries and steel wool. Even flint and steel. But the bow drill method works fine. I save my matches for when I need them.”   “That’s incredible. Is this what you do? I mean, collect food and make fires.”   “I guess.”   “Do you do anything else? Do you ever get bored?”   It’s an interesting question — boredom. A privilege in itself to be bored rather than worried. Though you suppose that in this quiet forest with no one else, it’s a wonder how you never went insane. But while loneliness sporadically plagues you, you’ve never necessarily felt isolated or deprived. It’s always been this way. You’ve learnt to adapt to it. Humans can handle more than they think when push comes to shove.    “There’s always something to do. Whether that’s upkeeping the tree house or making more traps or planting. But sometimes in the summer, I go exploring for a few days. Into the cities. There’re lots of places I haven’t been. It’s a good opportunity for me to get seeds, food, and clothes, so I’m never….bored.”   “Wow, t-that’s...that’s impressive.”   “There’s nothing impressive. It’s just the way things are.”   “I...went to Arcadia in its early days,” Seokjin explains, “It was established twenty years ago, right after the apocalypse began, so I’ve never really got to see the outside world.”   “They don’t let you leave?”   “It’s not that. It just isn’t safe to. Actually, that’s why I wanted to join the rescue fleet. It gives me a chance to see the outside world.”   “You haven’t even seen anything yet. If you want….I can take you somewhere. Better than this.”   “Really?!” Seokjin’s eyes widen, irises practically glistening.   Your lips tickle, threatening to upturn. “Sure.”   … .. .   Past the stream and thicket is a clearing. A meadow of daisies. It’s overgrown grass that reaches to your knees, white petals spilling over with yellow centers filled among them. The sound of insects buzzing and circling through the field is heard as the sun beats down. You found this place a good year ago and while it doesn’t serve much of a purpose, you left it undisturbed.    The apocalypse was a catastrophe, but it did a lot for nature.   “This….this….” Seokjin is breathless, unable to force a coherent word out. He looks over at the blue horizon that seems to steal the land as the abundance of flowers overwhelms his senses.    “It’s beautiful, huh?”   He stays silent, taking in the sight in front of him. He has seen a vase of flowers at best — most certainly not a boundless field of them. Not like this. Not in the entirety of his life so far. Not in a way where he could inhale the fresh air, count clouds, memorize the azure shade of the sky, and not where he is unable to see where the end or the start is.   Seokjin is overwhelmed, and he realizes why the choice to stay remains. Why you would refuse his offer of coming back with him to Arcadia. A part of him also wants to stay here. Where freedom lies.   “I’m sorry,” he murmurs while still taking in the sight. The colours are so rich that he feels regretful he couldn’t see it sooner. “I didn’t mean to push you to come with me.”   “It’s okay. I’ll come with you.”   Seokjin finally peels his eyes away from the scenery to gaze at you.    Yet you continue to look forward. “You made me curious about this Arcadia.”   And the corner of his mouth turns into a smile.   … .. .   The next few days are spent with Seokjin — noisy at your side, but it’s entirely invited.   He goes back to his vehicle, his so-called fancy Xanadu Shuttle, and tries to contact his people. Much like your radio, there’s only static on the other end when he flips and fiddles with switches and the lights eventually die off. He messes with his Erewhon too, the little walkie-talkie device, though it’s to no avail. But Seokjin never becomes discouraged. He remains optimistic, a rarity in today’s climate. The man has no doubts they’ll come for him and even reassures you.   In the meanwhile, you show him how to start a fire, how to collect berries and certain plants, and he helps you sharpen the knives you have. But the man looks away when you have to kill the animal you trapped and he makes you kill the bugs that land on him as well. It’s a bit ridiculous and outlandish, but frighteningly natural how quickly he falls into place and adapts.   You forgot what it was like to have someone with you. To be able to talk to someone.   … .. .   “Are you ever lonely?”   Seokjin asks one night when he’s laid on the grass, arms tucked underneath his head and staring up at the stars by your side. He copied you after several occasions where he found you like that. You immediately heard the gasp that left his mouth the first time he laid down. It’s beautiful enough that he’s unconcerned with insects and doesn’t get up until you chide him to.   “Sometimes. Then I think about how people are more trouble than they’re worth.”   He grins. “Why do you say that?”   “People mess up things and always have their self-interest at heart. Learned it after I had a gun pointed on me by someone I thought was a friend.”   “I’m sorry.”   “It’s alright. Just the way things are. Anything to survive, right?”   “Is that why you’re on your own?”   “Partly. It’s hard when people die too. I’d rather not deal with that.”   “Why’d you agree to help me then?” Seokjin asks after a moment. “If people always mess things up.”   “I don’t know. It’s been a while since I’ve seen someone. I thought talking to you would be worth the risk. And it’s not like you’re not messing things up. I’m leaving with you, right?”   Seokjin grins, meeting your eyes. It goes quiet and then you pipe up again—   “I do sing sometimes to myself. Helps keep me sane.”   “Like what?”   “I don’t know.”   “Show me.”   You outright scoff. “No.”   “Please?”   A sharp exhale later, you start mumbling, slurring words together in some obscure melody. Your voice is rigid and stiff, out of tune even to your own ears. But you’ve heard it from your parents before. It’s some jingle on television back when electricity still worked.   Instantly, Seokjin starts laughing.   “Hey, it’s not my fault I don’t know the lyrics!”   “No, no, i-it’s amazing, please continue!” Seokjin squeaks out in the midst of a giggling fit and the corner of your own mouth twitches into a subtle smile.   … .. .   Unfortunately, these simple days don’t last long. Seokjin continues messing with his Erewhon device whenever he gets the chance — banging it on the tree house wall much to your dismay, curling up with it using a screwdriver kit he got from his capsule — and one evening, it suddenly comes alive.   There’s the sound of static and someone’s muffled voice.   “Hello?! Code White. R-six-four-three. This is Kim Seokjin from fleet seventy two.”   “R-four-......three-nine.”   It’s difficult to discern, but that’s all the other line says before the device goes silent again.    You look to Seokjin, anticipating dejection and disappointment. But instead, a grin spreads into his cheeks and his eyes crinkle ever so slightly. “Y/N. They’re coming soon.”   … .. .   It’s a morning of checking for traps, of hearing the orchestral songs of nature, of holding your breath as the breeze whisks through the strands of your hair. You’re tip-toeing to the simple snare laid on the ground when the familiar, deafening noise returns to the sky. A thin whistle that crescendos. Louder than you’re used to hearing. Ringing in your eardrums. It rumbles the ground, roaring through the silent forest. And you look up to see a streak of white in the sky.    It’s a larger white vessel with glass windows around. So white that it burns to the back of your eyelids, in no way natural whatsoever. And it descends to the same place Seokjin crash-landed.   Seokjin finds you and the two of you venture through the forest and shrubby towards it.   There’s a whirring and a compartment opens. Three different people step out, dressed in that unnatural white much like Seokjin is, pants and shirt cut off oddly. They look at Seokjin with smiles and incredulous expressions.   “I can’t believe you actually crashed.”   “It wasn’t my fault, JK!” Seokjin whines immediately and then quickly greets the other two females who he’s evidently less friendly with. “Amber. Lizzy. Good to see you too.”   “This something I expected from Namjoon or even Jimin, not you,” the shorter-hair girl named Amber huffs out as she playfully shakes her head.   “At least he’s safe,” Lizzy says with a smile. “Saves us from having to transport him back in a stretcher. But….who’s….that?”   Her eyes dart over to you and the other two strangers follow her line of sigh, re-directing their attention. Then their mouths drop open, eyes widening in surprise, having not seen you there.   Seokjin steps aside, allowing the light to shed on you. “She’s a lone one.”    “A-A lone one…?”   “Are you okay? Do you need help?” Amber whispers softly, lowering herself to meet your height and connect your eyes with hers as if you were a wounded animal. But then light flashes beneath her irises and her brows furrow. “Right. She might not know how to speak. Where’s my translation devi—”   The corner of Seokjin’s mouth tilts. “She does.”   You step forward, directly underneath the canopy spotlight coming through the spruce, walnut, and alder. “My name is Y/N.”

Arcadia. It’s protected by a dome-like structure reminiscent of glass, but as one of the strangers narrates, it’s supposedly a magnetic force field to protect against natural disasters. The place is ruled by tall buildings like the cities, but unlike it in the sense that they’re not decaying. They haven’t turned brown under wear and tear, don’t have moss growing on the sides of it. Rather, there are patches of green in between the paved pathways, flickering screens that are seemingly floating mid-air, masses of people walking past one another.    It’s a utopian society, they tell you. But you’re not sure what that means.   “Welcome to Arcadia,” the voice from above speaks rigidly.   The door whirs as it opens.   And white is all you see. White floors. White walls. People dressed in white. The white lights burn your vision as you stagger out, being aided by the strangers who were onboard with you.   They welcome you. Tell you they hope this place could be your refuge and new home. And you’re taken immediately by strangers until you begin thrashing, calling out to Seokjin until he consoles you. He promises that they mean no harm, that he’ll see you soon, and it’s enough for you to be relieved.   They lead you away, give you a new set of white clothing that are soft to the touch and a bin to place your old clothes in. You feel vulnerable as you strip from your grimy clothes and trade them in.   You’ve never been able to afford to hold onto sentimentalities. But it’s hard to let them go.   … .. .   “Hello—” The doctor glances at his clipboard. “You must be the new refugee, Y/N! Oh right, they call it newcomer now, not refugee. Anyway, nice to meet you, I’m Jung Hoseok. I’ll be assessing you today and setting you up to live in Arcadia. You understand me, correct?”   “Yes, I do.”   “Excellent! Makes things easier for me if we can speak the same language. But feel free to tell me if you want me to slow down. We’ll take things one step at a time.” The man grins brightly and sits on his stool, spinning around to a thin screen on the desk. “We’re going to be doing some tests together today, so I can figure out what I’ll need to help you with and we can make sure your transition is as smooth as possible.”   “Okay.”   You knew a doctor once. She was similar to him, whimsical as he seemingly is, until she had to amputate her own arm and then bled to death.   “Do you have any questions?”   “Not really.”   There’s an eye examination done until you tell him you don’t know all the letters of the alphabet. He switches to pictures afterwards and is enthused as he tells you that your eyes are apparently fine. He makes you lay down and open your mouth to examine your teeth. You spit into a vial, have your blood drawn. You step into a white capsule with black bars twirling around you. He shows you a picture of your bones and scanned brain with the excitement akin to a child’s afterwards.    And he asks too many questions.   “So you mainly ate rabbits, berries and other plants? Fascinating.” — “How often do you sleep?” — “So your bowel movements were pretty consistent?”   You miss Seokjin.   … .. .   “Seokjin, can you please tell us what happened on the fifth?”   The commander, chief, supervisor and several others are seated on the other side of the table.   “Yes. I was dispatched to forty one degrees, twenty four point two eight minutes north. Halfway there, I….became distracted by the scenery, and went off course. I became alert again when the shuttle skimmed along treetops. The console received a malfunction notification and I subsequently crashed into a forest area.”   “The maintenance record shows your Xanadu Shuttle was updated on the second of the previous month?”   “Yes.”   “Then do you accept responsibility for this incident?”   “Yes, I do.” There’s no point in putting up a fight. All the evidence is all in the machinery and Seokjin had made no attempt to hide it.   “I’m interested in the girl you rescued,” the Commander speaks up, tapping his pen on his clipboard. “When did you come into contact with her after you crashed?”   “After I crashed, I exited my Xanadu Shuttle and caught sight of her standing amongst the trees. I think...the accident got her attention and she came to investigate what it was.”   He nods and the people on the other side of the table look around at one another. There are soft murmurs and Seokjin stays quiet through their deliberation, keeping his eyes on his own report.   After a minute, it simmers down.   “The panel appreciates your honesty and integrity, Seokjin. In spite of your circumstances, you were able to rescue someone who will become a valuable member to our society and such a thing should not be overlooked. However, the crash was ultimately on your part and as such, you will have to be put on probation for a period of two months. The panel will also require that you retake your license class. Do you agree these actions are necessary?”   Relief washes over him. Seokjin thought this was it. He was anticipating that he’d lose his job.    “Y-Yes. Thank you.”   “You will have to pass your license class.”   “Yes, I will.”   “There is one more thing I would like to discuss with you, Seokjin,” The Commander speaks up. “I spoke to our Premier and Minister prior to this meeting and we came to an agreement that it would be in the best interest of everyone involved if you could foster the newcomer you rescued. Typically, as you know, we house newcomers for a while and monitor them. But she...seems to be a special case.”   The Chief furrows his brows. “Yes, she was isolated, wasn’t she?”   It’s known to all that the lone ones are usually the people that are most unstable. The ones with animalistic behaviour as a result of living in the wild and being socially deprived. The problematic ones. But they’re wrong. Seokjin doesn’t outright refute his own superiors, yet he’s certain that you don’t have any of those issues. You’re not violent. Uncivilized. Barbaric.   “Usually people are found in groups or clusters.”   “Exactly that. But it seems like Seokjin has built a rapport with her. It might lead to a smoother transition if there’s immediate integration. Or at least, it’s an experiment we want to try. He has a calm temperament as well which makes him an ideal candidate to attempt this new method. Would you be willing to house this newcomer for a period of time, Seokjin?”   He doesn’t need a second longer to think about it. “I wouldn’t mind whatsoever.”   ... .. .   Seokjin finds you and almost bursts out laughing with how relieved you look.   “Jin!”    He doesn’t mind the nickname either.   “I haven’t seen you in a while.” Hoseok twirls around with a blazing smile, his white coat fluttering with him. “But I have a feeling you’re here to see my little guest and not me.”   “You’re right.” He enters and stands by your side. “Has everything been alright?”   “Of course!” Hoseok interjects before you can answer. “I’m one of the best doctors here, what do you take me for? We had a very fun time together, right, Y/N?”   “Uh, sure.”   “I’ll take it.”   Seokjin smiles and looks at his old friend. “Is there anything…?”   “She’s healthy. She’s been taking care of herself well. Nothing that’s too concerning.”    Hoseok's eyes meet yours and he grins. “You’re approximately twenty to twenty five years old. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like you have any family here in Arcadia, but you don’t have any diseases, so that’s something to be happy about! Minimal dental work that needs to be done. Blood pressure is good. You have a slight magnesium and iodine deficiency, but nothing dark greens, whole grains, fish and eggs can’t fix. I’ll give you some vitamins to be safe and some medication to avoid illnesses you’re potentially susceptible to in Arcadia.”   “That’s good news,” Jin exhales.   “You’re also healthy enough to have children!” Hoseok announces and if possible his grin widens. You blink at him and he quickly reads your confused expression. “Right, you might not be aware but it’s one of the main ambitions of Arcadia to repopulate society. People with the most compatible genes get paired together into family units. Depending on how your integration goes, you might get paired up in a family unit by the end of the week.”   “What?” You’re reeling. Starting a family and having children are things at the very back of your mind, not even in the realm of what your thoughts are, and you’re not sure what to think at this news.   Jin sighs at his friend. “You’re freaking her out.”   “Am I? Sorry,” the man laughs and looks at you. “Don’t worry. No one will force you. It’s just...highly suggested and recommended.”   … .. . “That’s the dining hall.”    “What do they serve?”   “On Mondays, there’s quinoa. Tuesday is this dried beans dish. So on and so forth. Don’t worry, there’s poultry too, so there are eggs and chicken breast which you can order. There’s corn, milk, cheese and a selection of fruit too. They also serve protein powders you can mix with water that gives you the same nutrition value.”   “It’s not like...that stuff you gave me, right?”   “You mean pemmican? No, it’s better. Or at least I hope so.” He smiles. “Everyone has the same food. Sometimes during celebrations though, they serve different things.”   “There’s not much privacy, is there?”   Seokjin follows your line of sight to the glass buildings where you’re able to see the people working on each floor. “I guess not. I’ve never really thought about it.”   You suppose it’s something to get used to. “Are...people staring at me, Jin?”   “Don’t mind it. It’s not everyday we get a new face around here.” Right as he says that, you lift your head to discover your face plastered on one of the screens at the top of the building as if you were a wanted criminal. Seokjin laughs. “News spreads fast around here.”   “I bet it does,” you mutter, a bit unnerved.    “It’s a nice place if you follow the rules, trust me.”   “What happens if someone breaks a rule?”   “Well, there’s a focus on restorative justice for small crimes. So people often do community service or talk to victims or the people they affected and try their best to fix their mistakes.”   “What about big crimes? Like if you killed someone.”    Yet, Seokjin stays silent for a moment. “They disappear.”   Your brows furrow, not sure what he means. But he doesn’t elaborate and you don’t push for an answer, uncertain that you want to know more.   Arcadia isn’t as you expected it to be. When Seokjin told you stories, part of you anticipated it being lesser and merely blown up in proportion through his evident love of this place. You had predicted a community ridden with suspicion, like many of the sanctuaries you had been to before they inevitably collapsed. Leaders suppressing their people. Scarcity in resources.   Another part of you expected an otherworldly universe, full of gibberish and things you didn’t understand. Much like the technology he carried with him or the shuttle that crashed in the forest.   But what is presented in front of you is a sort of familiarity in a changed background.   People like you know them, except courteous and independent.   “This is my housing unit.”    It’s a blinding white, two stories with the top floor off center and extended off the right side. It looks like two boxes haphazardly stacked on top of each other with giant pane glass windows at the front.   “It’s not much but it’s my home.”   You nod as your eyes drift to his lawn — a tiny patch of grass that surrounds the path leading up to the front door. As if entranced, you launch forward towards it. But it feels different underneath your feet, past the soles of your shoes. The soil isn’t soft. There aren’t any lumps, no grip when you try to root yourself into it.   Seokjin notices your reaction. “It’s artificial grass.”   “What does that mean?”   “It’s fake.”   “Fake? You can’t get real grass?”   “Guess not.”   The interior of his home is less white than all of Arcadia. There are mismatched cushions, wooden tables and bookshelves, fake yellow flowers on his marble kitchen counter, paintings of oceans and cities placed on the wall next to photographs of himself growing up. You glance over the knick-knacks lining the shelves, snow globes and postcards, tiny things you’ve always seen lying around shops in the decaying towns, but never paid much attention to.   “Sorry. It’s a bit messy.”   “No, I like it.”    He shows you to your room, an empty one down the hall. It’s much less decorated than his living space and he quickly excuses himself to tumble back in with heavier blankets and proper pillows. “Had I known you were coming, I would’ve had everything already set up!”   “I don’t think any of us knew I would be here.”   He laughs. “That’s true.”   You walk to the window, taking a peek outside to the white city that towers over and covers the blue sky, the tiny patches of grass that alleviates the brightness of Arcadia, the flying shuttles hovering past the paved paths.    “You’re probably tired, right? Do you want to rest a bit? I have a few things to do, so…”   “You don’t have to worry about me, Jin. I can take care of myself. Probably.”   Seokjin ends up shutting the door after promising he won’t take long. But it’s the first time in hours that there’s finally silence. And you allow the quietness to simmer down on you as you take a seat on the edge of the soft bed that sinks underneath your weight. You stare at the sheets, the white walls and floor, the luminescent sunlight streaming through the windows.   You’re not sure how you feel.   … .. .   You stare down at your slab of white meat, so white that you wonder if everything in Arcadia is dyed in this blinding shade. It’s something you might have to ask Jin, even if it’s a bit ridiculous.   You’re just not used to having meat that isn’t charged by the flames of a bonfire. But still, you tear it with your fingers and when you bring it to your mouth, it tastes dry and heavy — like it’s fake.   “This isn’t very good, is it?”   “It isn’t?”   Jin blinks and you lift your head. Immediately, your eyes connect to a stranger who instantly turns away and it occurs to you that people are watching.   “Don’t worry. It’s because you’re not using utensils. Here.” He hands you a metal stick with three prongs at the end and another one that’s rounded. Understandably, it’s awkward in your hold, hurts in your grip. It goes silent as you fumble with it. The chicken breast almost flies off your metal tray.   “It’s okay.” He smiles at your visible frustration and reaches over to slice it with a knife. Jin gently takes your hand holding the fork and pierces the piece. “Like this, see? Not too bad, right?”   “It would be easier with my hands.”   He agrees, “It would be.”   “Hey, you’re Y/N, right?” A familiar red-head comes prancing up to the table and steals a seat next to you. “I’m Lizzy. We met on the Xanadu Shuttle, remember? I was the one telling you all about the history of Arcadia?”   “Yes, I do.”   “This is Namjoon. He’s one of our robotics engineers,” she introduces a gawky, strapping male with framed glasses. He takes a seat next to Seokjin.    “A pleasure to be of your acquaintance. I’ve heard quite a lot about you in the past two hours or so. I am friends with Hoseok. He doesn’t indulge me in much information, he told me he received a great person of interest in his office. I believe that person may be you—”   Seokjin interrupts his ramble, “Namjoon.”   “Don’t mind him,” Lizzy laughs, ignoring the two men as she leans over the table to intrude into your personal space. “How are you getting settled in? Everything okay?”   “Yeah. I’d say everything’s okay.”   “I heard you were living with Jin now. Tell me, is he as messy at home as he is at work?”   “I am not messy,” he protests.   “Only a little,” you divulge her with a small smile.   Namjoon smiles. “I heard you crashed. Glad to see you’re still alive and well.”   “Thanks.” Seokjin’s eyes roll as his voice drips of sarcasm. “I’m sorry you couldn’t use my body for your next humanoid robotic experiment.”   “Not now, but in due time,” the other man teases then turns to you. “It’s a shame you’re partnered with Seokjin. He can be quite clumsy and forgetful. You’ll end up becoming his handyman like I am.”   “His first time he got into a Xanadu Craft, he broke the console,” Lizzy tells, making your mouth upturn.   Namjoon swallows down his food before asking, “If I may be intrusive, Y/N, is it really true that you were alone? In the forest, I mean.”   “I...was.”   “How long were you alone for?”   “I’m not sure. I think maybe two years.”   “And before that?”   “I...uh...traveled around and met different people.”   He leans forward. “And what happened to those people?”   “Well, some...passed away and others went somewhere else.”   “What did they pass away from?”   There’s a loud scraping of a chair against the tiled floor, grating to your ears. “I’m stuffed. Aren’t you, Y/N? I think we should head back now. Sorry, Joon, Lizzy. Might have to cut your questions short there. Maybe you can ask more next time.”   “Oh, alright then.”   They bid you farewell and Lizzy waves with a smile. As you exit, you look at Seokjin. “Thank you.” He saved you from answering, from bringing up memories you had no intentions of returning to.   Yet he smiles and then looks away, feigning ignorance. “For what?”   … .. .   They’re wrong. It’s not a shame at all to be with Jin at all. If anything, you think you’re quite fortunate. Ever since you’ve met him, he’s proven himself time and time again to be thoughtful and considerate — traits that you thought were gone in this era. But it’s him who makes it easier to deal with these changes, to enter into this new world.   … .. .   “I thought you were gone,” he says, looking down at you with a smile. You’re laying on his lawn in the middle of the night in bare feet. “I knocked on your door and then searched my whole house.”   “Where did you think I was?”   “I don’t know.” Seokjin plops down on his artificial grass, stretching out his body and laying beside you like all those times before. “I was worried. I thought something happened to you.”   “I’m sorry.”   “Don’t be.”   “I couldn’t sleep.”   It’s quiet as the pair of you look to the sky with your hands folded on top of your stomachs. The lamp posts nearby casted warm glows on your visages. The warm breeze making his cheeks rosy. Yet, none of you can see the stars — not with the light pollution of Arcadia, not when all the buildings were towering so high and covering it, not like out there in the middle of the forest.   “Remember when we were in the forest, Jin?”   “I do. I remember that one time, you didn’t completely put out the fire and my pants almost set on fire.”   You giggle and Jin relishes in the sound. “I apologized for that and who told you to sit so close to that spot?”   “Hey, I just wanted to be next to you.”   You remember the nights when you were able to drift off while staring at the horizon and how you were awoken by the first blush of dawn, sunlight coming through the trees. You have a feeling it’s going to be a long time before you have an experience like that again.   It’s going to be a long, long time. If ever again.   “I feel homesick,” you whisper, finally being able to pinpoint your emotions and it’s the most honest you’ve been since you arrived. “I don’t want to be paired up with anyone or have kids.”   Jin reaches out and you feel his hand against the back of yours. He holds it, clasping it tight. You shift and your eyes meet. “Don’t worry. They can’t make you do anything you don’t want to.”   You trust him.   … .. .   “If you want, we don’t have to eat in the dining center anymore. We can eat at home.”   The corner of your mouth pulls. “Is that allowed?”   “I’ll find a way around it,” Jin promises.   … .. .   “Please, Hoseok.”   “You know that’s not how the system works. There’s not much I can do anyway.”   “But you can put in your recommendation.”   He’s silent in contemplation. “She’s compatible with you, but more so compatible with others. Plus, she’d assimilate better with someone stricter.”   “I want to protect her. She’s my responsibility. Pair her with me.” Seokjin won’t let you be paired up with someone else in a family unit, expected to stay together and have children. He’ll keep his promise to you and be with you until the end — it’s also his selfish wish to be with you.   The other man sighs. “I’ll make a note of it, but I can’t promise anything.”   … .. .   You’re unfamiliar with the devices at hand — the kitchen appliances with automated voices that speak when you come close, the machines with tens of buttons you can’t read. They’re all things you once overlooked when you scrambled for remaining supplies.   “Is everything okay?”   “I’m trying to heat this up. You said I could use it, right?”   “Yeah. Here.” Seokjin comes behind you and takes your hand, guiding you where to press. “Click this button and then this one.”   You don’t understand technology at all. Even the television is odd, an overload on your senses.   “What do you think?” he asks, watching your reaction in amusement and how your eyes are as wide as the screen flashing against your face.   “It’s...a lot to take in.”   “That’s okay. Do you want to go outside instead? We can, if you want to.”   You glance out the window. “I’m fine here. I’m not used to there being so many people.”   “How about we work on some more worksheets?”   “Again?”   Jin laughs and the sound is tinkling. “You have to learn eventually. Come on.” He pulls you up and is happy to sit next to you at his kitchen table to teach you how to hold a pencil, how to write each letter and answer your questions.    You’re a fast learner. Today your strokes are smoother and you learn how to spell his name.   … .. .    Seokjin often knocks on your door before going to bed to bid you goodnight. Yet he seldomly finds you there, where you’re supposed to be. He wonders if you’re outside on his lawn again, but instead, he discovers you standing in his living room. You’re gazing out the window quietly with an unreadable expression.   “Is there something wrong?”   You turn around with a small smile. “I’m just a little homesick.”   He joins you, staring out at the city and the lampposts lined on the paved paths.    “How do we go outside, Jin? Not just outside, but beyond the dome.” To the forest again.   “Most people aren’t allowed outside because it’s dangerous. You would need to have my job or something similar, and that’s after you graduate from a three year program and pass several exams.”   It’s quiet and neither of you look at one another or speak when you reach over, discreetly taking his hand into yours. Seokjin laces his fingers through yours and squeezes.   He’s the only reason you can starve off the longing sewed uncomfortably in your chest.   ... .. .   In the following days, he receives a notification. The leaders are interested in you as a newcomer and extended an invitation to the party. So he helps you pick an appropriate outfit and the two of you enter with your hand looped around his arm as he reassures you.   “You must be Y/N!” The strangers, leaders of Arcadia, welcome you with tall bubbling glasses, one of which that you receive from a waiter. It tastes disgusting, but you try to not let it show on your face.   “It’s good to see that you’re getting yourself accustomed to Arcadia. I see you’re with your future partner this evening.”   The man laughs boisterously while you exchange expressions with Seokjin.   “That’s supposed to be a secret,” the woman beside him chides.   “Right, right. The postings of the new family units go up on Friday. My apologies for ruining the surprise, but I assume it is a happy one.”   You look up at him, gazing meeting Seokjin’s at once. The relief is overwhelming and what follows is a kind of excitement. Part of the weight lifted off your shoulders and Jin smiles tenderly. He leans in close, whispering in your ear so you’re the only one who hears—   “You shouldn’t look at me like that in a place like this or I might just do something about it in front of all these people.”   It’s bold. Unexpected but you know with the heat that rises into your face, it isn’t unwelcome.   “Y/N, is it?” The intimate moment is intercepted by other individuals approaching in blue attire, form fitting dress simple and modest. “You must be the newcomer! I’ve heard so much about you.”   “Yes, how has your transition been? Are you finding everything accommodating?”   You hope they don’t come close enough to feel the warmth radiating off your cheeks. “Yes. Arcadia has been very welcoming to me.”    They smile. “It’s so fortunate you can understand us and we don’t have to use those translating devices.”   “You were alone, correct?” another asks. “How did you fare in the wild like that? How did you manage to even eat?”   “I trapped animals like rabbits and squirrels and roasted them over fires.”   Laughter is suddenly roused all around you.   “Aren’t you glad you don’t have to do such a primitive thing anymore?”   “What I’m curious about is how you’re still alive without any radiation poisoning.”   “I used a radon detector. It was given to me a long time ago by an older woman who was with me. She died.” Automatic silence sweeps through the crowd. You clear your throat. “But I used it when I traveled through the cities.”   “I see.” Some are fascinated while others aren’t. “How preserved are these old cities?”   “Most buildings are still relatively in-tact. There are abandoned cars and buses too, but they’re useless without fuel and everything’s been raided, so there’s not much left. It’s one of the reasons I started to live in the forest.”   “Poor thing,” someone sympathizes, “Someone should’ve rescued you sooner. You wouldn’t have to suffer so much.”   “I didn’t suffer.”   They’re taken aback, clearing their throats and moving on from the subject. A man directs to the refreshment table — all the while Jin pulls you closer to him and away from the prying eyes of Arcadia.   … .. .   Later on in the evening when Seokjin’s gone to relieve himself, you meet an old man seated alone at the table.   “I was outside too,” he croaks. “Until two years ago.”   Your eyes find his — past the wrinkles are bright irises — and you remain silent.   “Many things happened that the people here would never understand. But my biggest regret is coming here willingly. Arcadia offers many things,” he says, “it has everything but one.”   “Freedom.”   … .. .   The words stick to you. Like flies to honey. Or the magnets on Jin’s fridge. They don’t cease from your mind — a plague that spreads, a pollutant that you can’t shake off no matter how hard you try.    Jin worries about you, but he doesn’t ask. He knows every time he does, you’ll reassure him that you’re fine.   So one night, he takes your hand and shows you to his television.   “Put this on.” He hands you a black, heavy device and smiles at your visible reluctance. “Trust me.”   You slip it on top of your head and it sits comfortably over your eyes, obstructing your vision in complete darkness. Headphones are put over your ears and you discover both of your senses of sight and sound are completely disabled. “What are you doin—”   The words die upon your tongue the moment the machine flickers on.   There are chickadees chirping and woodpeckers digging against the bark. The sound of insects flapping their wings in the beating sun and the whistling wind intensifies. You see the forest, a forest. Canopies of spruce, walnut, and alder cascading light to the verdant floor overgrown in shrubbery.   A cry chokes in your throat, but then it bubbles into laughter instead. You jump up and down.   “I see it. I see it!” You whirl around, looking in each direction. To the blue horizon and the sound of the rustling leaves.    Your home.   But when you take it off, it’s all gone. You’re shrouded in darkness with Seokjin’s features barely discernible. You’re trapped in the very utopia you had followed him to.   And you cry.   For the first time in his presence, for the first time in a long while, sobs break through your frame at what you’ve lost — what you’ve traded in, what you’ve given up. Jin embraces you, arms wrapped around your frame, trying his best to keep you whole.   “I want to go back.”   … .. .   Jin makes it easier to be in Arcadia. He gives you reason to become accustomed to it. He makes you wish you wanted to stay. But he’s not enough to dissipate your constant wistfulness.    He isn’t the solution to your plaguing dilemmas, but you’re glad he doesn’t have to bear that burden.    You wouldn’t want Jin to harbour the hardship of being your fix.   … .. .   It’s in the dead of the night that Seokjin comes out of his room and finds you. In the dark, you’re seated on the floor with your knees folded to your chest and the virtual reality headset slipped on top of your head, over your eyes and ears.   You’re taking it all in. The orchestral songs of nature, the birds and leaves, the swaying of the grass and flourishing shrubs, bathing in the warm sunlight you cannot feel.    He sees you, but doesn’t say anything, merely turning away.   At same time, you feel the presence of another and slip the device in time to catch his retreating backside.   “Jin,” you call out for him, knowing you’ve been caught.   He hums, turning around and the two of you look at one another.   “I’m sorry.”   The dark-haired man smiles tenderly. “It’s me who should apologize. I’m the one who brought you here selfishly.”   “It’s not your fault. I’m the one who agreed to some and I’m...the one having trouble adjusting.”   “That’s not it. The problem is you’re not where you should be. Home. Not my home. Not Arcadia. But your home. “   You stand and he meets you halfway.   You press your face to his shoulder and he embraces you. “I’ll help you go back,” Seokjin murmurs against your hair. “I thought you would be happy here, but I don’t want to keep you against your will.”   “Come with me.”   “You know I can’t,” he whispers in spite of your soft-spoken plea. “I have a life here. Like how you can’t leave yours. Arcadia is my home. It always will be.”   You hold him closer, shutting your eyes to savour the moment. “Won’t you get into trouble?”   “I’ll find some way.” The corner of his mouth turns. “I always end up fine. You will too.”   … .. .   The year’s posting goes up and just as the man had said, you and Seokjin are paired together. The two of you hold hands as you look at it, taking your time to read it over. It’s slow, but you understand nonetheless.   You’re congratulated by those around him, people you recognize and friends you have yet to know. It’s fortunate it worked out that way, but it’s still bittersweet, knowing of your upcoming departure.   And that same night, five hours past twelve, Jin takes you across Arcadia. The white shuttle is ready when you arrive in the dark and you scarcely recognize its scratched paint and dented surface. It’s the same one that he crashed in, the one that took him to you.   “I programmed the path back. It’ll go automatically without you needing to drive it. And once you close the door, it’ll come back on its own. I’ll erase the data’s history. Take this.” Seokjin gently places the sling of a heavy bag on your shoulder. “There are clothes in here, blankets, medicine, a first aid kit, some canned food and seeds of new plants you don’t have. It should help you out.”   Tears threaten to spill from your lash line. “Jin. Wait.”   Hope blooms within him, wondering if you’ve changed your mind, that you want to stay. But he knows having such selfish desires won’t help him, so he puts them away. Just for a moment.   He tries his best not to hang onto you, to hold you down.   “It was because of you that I could even cope so well. You made it so much easier for me. I...I…”   But Jin lets his greed slip.   He closes the distance and kisses you senseless. The man swallows your soft gasp and comes to cradle the back of your neck as you ease into him. You relish in the gentle touch, his tender affections and taste one another’s lips. It’s bittersweet, yet he pulls away with a faint smile.   “You should get in.”   You nod, pulling away from him. Everything the two of you wanted to say has already translated through the kiss.   Still, you take every moment you can and look to him. “Thank you, Jin.”   The doors whir as it closes. He gazes at you till the very last second, till it shuts. The thin whistle diminuendos as it lifts into the air. He watches the shuttle fade from sight and when the sun lifts at the first blush of dawn, what’s left is a streak of white in the sky.

The world is limitless.    You have learned of such a fact at a young age, traveling from desserts to mountains, finding all the hiding places and safe spots that others had claimed no longer existed. But they did and you’ve sought refuge in this forest, found a home amongst the rustling foliage and canopies ruled by spruce, walnut, and alder. There was just enough rays of light bursting through to allow the saplings to flourish and shrubs to overgrow. And without the presence of others, you could listen to the woodpeckers hammering against the wood, the wings of insects fluttering about.   Everything was the way you left it. Unchanged from the time you left like it was waiting for you.   It’s as if Arcadia and Seokjin was a fever dream. Except the mementos brought back with you reminds you otherwise. You dig into your bag, looking through what he’s given you, everything he picked out that he knew would help. But you discover something special at the very bottom.   It’s a black, thick rectangular piece of plastic reminiscent of a walkie-talkie, synced up to only one other without a third in between.   You hold the Erewhon device to your lips and press the side of the button.   “Hello.” There’s a pause. “My name is Y/N.”   Silence follows.   But then there’s the sound of static and someone’s crystal clear voice.   “Nice to meet you. I’m Seokjin.”   A wide smile spreads into your cheeks.

[quicksiluers]

for the writing prompts, maybe…48 (could be college rather than high school?) or 23? no need to do both, pick whichever gets the words flowing! (and Grant/Sherman for the ship, unless you’d rather write something else lol, I don’t much mind)

so I went with 23. meeting on the train au, but I love 48 as well so I think I MAY write something for that?? I'll keep you posted!

Once again, I went overboard...cause why not, it's what I do best. Under the cut, hope you enjoy! (and yeah it's Grant/Sherman, I'm on a roll with them so why not lol)

“Folks, we appreciate your patience during this time. Our crew is working hard to fix the issues we seem to be having with the controls. We’re estimating another half hour before we start moving again…”

Grant sighed, gazing out the window. The leaves of the trees were slowly starting to change over from deep green to a smattering of orange, yellow, and red. Some of them blew off their branches, dance like in the wind as they spun around. His eyes followed them as they blew further away before they were lost to him. If he was resulting to watching leaves being pushed around, then Grant knew he was truly bored out of his mind.

Normally, the train was more reliable than this. He had been riding this same line for years and never once had any issues. There was a first time for everything of course. Luckily it was for a trip where he wasn’t in too much of a rush. As much as he wanted to see his family, he didn’t mind a small delay in having to confront another issue with his father. He could already play out the scenario in his head and was exhausted by the idea of it.

Something poking him in the shoulder brought him out of his thoughts, “Hey, do you know if the outlet is working?”

“I believe so,” Grant looked down at his phone, noticing the little charge symbol still over his battery. His eyes caught the brown ones looking back at him, his fellow passenger with a scowl on his face. Either he looked like that all the time or the wait was making the redhead impatient.

It could be a mix of both.

“It is, let me just…,” pulling his charger from the outlet, he held out his hand to the other man, “I can plug it in for you.”

“Thanks,” the other man muttered, “Can’t believe we’re stuck sitting here like this…”

The plug was passed over to him and quickly Grant pressed it into the outlet. He had seen the redhead a few times on the train before. It was hard to miss him. Going to school in DC as he did, it still was rare to see someone with such red hair. He liked it, though he wouldn’t tell his fellow passenger that. He’d think he was some type of creep.

“Well, hopefully, they can get it fixed.”

Scoffing slightly, the ginger raised his eyebrow at him, like the idea of that happening was foolish, “Do you really think they will? I’ll bet it takes another hour.”

Grant frowned at that, the other man’s tone striking a nerve, “Well I think it’ll be a half-hour like they said. Care to make a bet on it?”

Amusement flashed in the stranger’s brown eyes, “What’re we betting?”

“I’ll buy you whatever you want from the dining cart.”

“I have a better idea,” the redhead grinned, “What stop are you getting off at?”

Confused, but unwilling to back down, Grant replied, “New York City.”

The other man’s grin grew, “So am I. Whoever wins has to buy the other one’s dinner. At any place of their choosing.”

“Is there a price limit on this?”

“Why?” He crossed his arms smugly, “Think you’re going to lose?”

The stranger was pushing buttons. Grant stared at him, trying to see past the overconfidence, “Just want to make sure I don’t run you dry when you lose.”

Laughing, the other man put out his hand, “Funny. Fine, how about $50?”

“Seems fair,” he grabbed the other hand, giving it a firm shake, “Grant, by the way.”

“Sherman,” the grin stayed in place, looking down at his phone, “We’ll have to wait and see. Just know that I like spicy food, so hopefully, you can handle that.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I still can’t believe those assholes fixed it that fast.”

Grant bit into his noodles, covering up the grin on his face. His new friend had been cursing about losing for over an hour.

About five minutes after their bet, the conductor came back over the speakers and said everything was back up and running, much to the delight of the other passengers. Grant kept his face neutral as he watched Sherman’s drop, much to his delight. It wasn’t often that the things he bet on won out in the end.

There was a ramen spot he always stopped at when he was in the city. When he had mentioned it to Sherman, the taller man tried to not be too pouty about it, making Grant laugh.

“Well, maybe next time you’ll have more faith in them,” he teased, mixing over the noodles, trying to absorb more of the flavor into them. Though tempted to find a more expensive spot, he knew better than to be boastful about his win. Any free meal was a good mean in his book, “It is their job.”

Slurping loudly, the redhead grumbled something under his breath that Grant didn’t catch. He rolled his eyes before digging into his food again, savoring the simple flavors. His eyes caught Sherman’s hand going for the spices again and he shook his head, “How can you even eat anything with that much spice?”

“I should be asking how you can eat something with such mundane flavors,” Sherman countered, catching himself at the annoyed expression on Grant’s face. He sprinkled a few more flakes onto the noodles, “I mean…I just don’t understand how you don’t like any spices.”

“I like some,” objected Grant, “They just can’t be…too spicey.”

“Which defeats the purpose,” Sherman pointed out, emphasizing it with his chopsticks, “The spice gives it a rich flavor! And there are so many different kinds, combining them makes anything better. You’re missing out.”

Grant frowned, eyes flickering over to the spices on the table. Why was it bothering him? He barely even knew this guy! People always teased him about his lack of taste before and it never bothered him. But it was different with Sherman, though he couldn’t place why.

Reaching out, he grabbed the container and sprinkled it on top of the remaining noodles. Mixing the flakes in, Grant gathered up a good portion of the noodles and stuck them in. It didn’t seem too bad…

Sherman stared at him, his eyes slightly wide, “Oh shit Grant, you really…”

That determination he prided himself in melted away quickly. His mouth felt like it was on fire, the flavor overwhelming, and he wasn’t sure if he was going to choke or suffering finishing up the food. Quickly, he swallowed the rest, his throat burn as they went down. Grant began to cough into his elbow, squeezing his eyes shut as the burning sensation found its way to his chest.

A glass was pushed into his hand and without even looking he brought it up to his lips, swallowing the contents. It took him a second to realize it wasn’t water, but milk. The pain slowly ebbed away, his tongue still tingling.

A low whistle brought him out of his heat-related pain. Grant looked up, watching Sherman thank a waiter before turning back and looking at him with that dumb smile on his face, “You weren’t kidding about that lack of tolerance.”

He couldn’t tell if it was from the heat of the spice or the rush of embarrassment that made his cheeks burn. Grant grabbed a napkin, whipping his nose with it while glaring at Sherman, “You could have mentioned it was really hot.”

“Hey don’t blame me cause you went all gun-ho with that,” Sherman held his hands up, trying hard not to laugh, “I didn’t dump all of that spice on your food.”

Abandoning the rest of his food, there was no way in he was going to finish it now, the two got up and paid, leaving the restaurant behind. The cool fall air refreshed Grant as they walked along the sidewalk, his tongue still tingling from the awful sensation. The pair walked in silence, the constant city noises filling the void.

“Hey,” Sherman pointed out, grabbing Grant’s arm lightly, “there’s an ice cream place over there. Let me make it up to you since you didn’t get to finish your food.”

“You don’t need to do that,” Grant reasoned, “I was the one who did it.”

“I insist,” the redhead replied, stepping in front of him. Grant’s eyes gazed up at him, furrowing his eyebrows. He hoped he didn’t make Sherman feel bad about what happened. It was just a dumb, spur-of-the-moment decision on his part.

A screeching horn made them jump closer together, heads whipping around toward the noise. The drivers were cursing at each other, one of them shaking their fists, before speeding off on the green light.

Typical New York City, Grant thought, laughing to himself. He felt himself pressed up against something warm and quickly realized how close he was to Sherman. Heat rushed to his face, embarrassment taking over, “Sorry, didn’t realize the car horn made me so…”

Looking anywhere but the redhead, he went to step back when he felt the grip on his arms tighten. Grant froze, looking down at Sherman’s hand. His head felt like it was spinning out of control, emotions all over the place.

“It’s fine…”

Their eyes locked, the noises of the city life around them fading away. Grant wasn’t sure who made the first move but it didn’t matter when their lips came together, the redhead’s chapped slightly from the colder air. Tilting his head, Grant was overcome with a taste of spice that lingered in Sherman’s mouth. He felt his eyes close as he melted into the kiss, sighing softly when Sherman’s lips left his for a moment before taking them again. His hands slide under Sherman’s arms, gripping the back of his coat tightly. Another wave of warmth ran through him when he felt the ginger’s arms around his neck, pulling him closer. Their noses bumped into each other, causing them to part.

Grant stared up at him, trying to catch his breath. Sherman’s chest was rising and falling rapidly, a pink hue covering his cheeks.

“…If that’s how you insist on ice cream, I guess I’ll have to say yes.”

The redhead stared down at him with a bewildered expression before laughing, leaning his forehead against Grant’s. Grant leaned back, trying to dig his hills into the cement to support the sudden weight, smiling. Their noses brushed briefly, Sherman lightly kissing again.

“I’m happy to hear it.”

[cinderelliee]

My final character opinions before Chain of Iron...

Just finished my reread of Chain of Gold ahead of Tuesday’s release!!! I am posting my thoughts/opinions of the main cast so that after Chain of Iron I can see how or if my feelings change. Spoilers: most of my opinions are going to be that I don’t know enough about them lmao. I love the big cast of characters, but that unfortunately also means less time is spent on each one.

Disclaimer: I know that I love some characters that people hate and vice versa. My intention is not to start anything, but more to be more open about what I think about the characters. It’s okay to disagree and just because I say I don’t like a character, it does not mean I believe they are badly written...

Alastair Carstairs:

One of my favorites of the series, and possibly TSC as a whole (let’s see how the series goes first). I love him so much and I can’t wait to see how his story goes. I love that he keeps everyone at arms length and pushes everyone away, but he would also go to any length for the people he loves. I think he has a gift of being able to see people as they are, and notice things others don’t. Probably why he was the one, not Cordelia, who saw what was wrong with his father and kept it from his sister. I’m sure he used to look up to his father like Cordelia did, but instead suffered great disappointment when he learned the truth. And then when he went to the academy, finally having some time away from it, all he found was more disappointment. He did what he thought he had to to survive. And I think along the way he sort of lost himself.

I do think Alastair should make amends with the Merry Theives, but less for their sake and more for his own. I think his journey is more about finding and forgiving himself. There are other ways to live and survive than hurting anyone who gets too close to you. I think he started that journey in Chain of Gold when he dyed his hair back to black and broke up with Charles. But fixing yourself is easier said than done, it’s not one choice, but something that you strive for everyday. His journey actually reminds me a lot of Matthew’s; they have a lot in common and I think their paths will parallel each other’s. I also think Thomas will be a catalyst for Alastair’s growth, as well as a helping hand.

I can’t wait to see his dynamic with the characters this next book as he tries to return to his true self. It’ll be interesting to see how his relationship with Elias plays out too.

Anna Lightwood:

I really like Anna so far. I think she’s very unique and exciting. I love how dedicated she is to being true to herself, but at the same time cares deeply about her loved ones and shows it. Often times I feel like characters like her often act like they’re above showing affection towards their family, so I was pleasantly surprised when she wasn’t. This is probably because her parents love and support her, so she never had to scorn familial love.

Romantic love is a different thing. Now, my two pieces about her life style is: why don’t we all just have a good time. I know there’s some people who didn’t like that she called her many partners ‘conquests’ and that she had a little black book. But I didn’t really see that criticism until recently and I’m confused as to what people thought Anna was doing? Would they rather her not keep track and forget them all? It’s perfectly healthy to explore your sexuality as long as you aren’t harming yourself or others. I know Anna is seen as older, but she is still only 19 (I think? 20 at most right?). She’s still on her journey to figuring out who she is. She is a bit self-centered and definitely privileged (see her relationship with Ariadne), but if she didn’t have flaws there would be nowhere for her to grow from. I highly doubt Anna will be living her seductress lifestyle by the end of the series

Personally, I cannot wait to see how her relationship with Ariadne plays out. Hopefully Anna will have some healthy confrontation with how she reacted to her heartbreak and why. Anyway, Anna is definitely one of my favorites.

Ariadne Bridgestock:

She seems like an interesting character, and I like how she’s not afraid to go after what she wants. I’d like to know a little more about her past and motivations. I also think she’s in a really difficult situation with her family and who she is/wants to be. I think she made a really understandable choice when she engaged Charles, and I support her journey in winning Anna back (I don’t not agree with the people who judged her for not backing off from Anna. She is fighting for who she loves and we are all fools in love). I think she has a lot of potential, but I can’t quite say that I like her yet since she’s probably the character we know the least about.

Charles Fairchild:

No opinion. I don’t love or hate him. No feelings whatsoever. The only thing I care about is the possible drama he will cause for Alastair and Thomas or the Clave as a whole lmao

Christopher Lightwood:

This boy is great! I have no complaints about him at all. He is precious. Honestly I’d just like to see more from him! His lines always make me chuckle. Also I’m not convinced that he would be able to create a antidote before the Silent Brothers would’ve been able to. But whatever, it’s just a story so who cares.

Cordelia Carstairs:

I just think she’s really neat. She is a fantastic protagonist and definitely on her way to becoming my favorite TSC lead, other than Tessa, obviously. I love her strength, kindness, relentless resilience, and how headstrong she is. I think it’s hilarious how straightforward she is. There’s so many scenes where she just says exactly what she’s thinking and just surprises everyone around her because they underestimated her or never expected her to so forcefully share her opinions. I adore her relationships with everyone. Her and Lucie are adorable. Her relationship with Alastair is so sweet and watching them rebuild their relationship was one of my favorite parts of the book, and definitely something I’m looking forward to. Matthew and Cordelia’s relationship is one of my favorites from the book; I love how they challenge and surprise each other (I think they could learn a lot from each other). Her interactions with the Merry Theives in general are perfect.

One thing I will say is there just wasn’t enough of her. I was very surprised when I read it that James and her were basically co-protagonists. I didn’t expect James to have such a prominent role, usually the split between the girl and boy lead is 60/40 at most, but this felt more like a 50/50 split. I just would’ve prefered more from Cordelia I guess, but that’s just me.

Grace Blackthorn:

So at first I was neutral towards Grace. I didn’t care about her at all, but after I came online and saw how many people hated her and acted like her was a villain, I started liking her more. She obviously is a victim of her mother’s manipulation and she doesn’t want to do what she’s doing to James. It’s clear to me that she is doing what she can to survive and to help her brother, the only person she truly cares about. Since she is also one of the few characters that it’s unclear where her story is going to end up, I am curious to see how her story goes.

I know there’s some people who just wanted her to be a villain, and I totally get that. But I feel like if she was, we would get a less complex character. Cassie’s villains, with the exception of Jonathan perhaps, tend to be one dimensional (which is fine because that’s not the reason I read her books anyways!). I also don’t really think she needs much of a redemption arc because she’s just trying to survive.

James Herondale:

This is where I’m going to get a little unpopular. I don’t love James, BUT I don’t hate him either. I am just not interested in where his story goes at all. I think I get what Cassie’s goal was with his character. He doesn’t have Will and Jace’s dark past and he’s not a morally grey bad boy like Julian. James is caring and sweet and noble and has a good family and I can totally see why people like him. For me, he still fills the same exact role that I’ve seen, not just from Cassie, but other YA books as well, and I’m just tired of it. His motivations are doing whatever he can to protect his loved ones and doing things because they are the right thing to do. He is willing to lay down his life for the greater good. I just can’t see anything about him that feels new. The only times I’ve felt anything towards him is when Jem, Cordelia, or Matthew were making me feel something for him.

It could be because I don’t really care for Cassie’s plots and his arc is so heavily involved with all the Prince of Hell stuff. And the bracelet just pisses me off in a bad way. The solution to it is so simple that it just frustrates me, but does not intrigue me at all. I will say I like him better with the bracelet off so I’m hoping in stays off this next book so I can enjoy his POV a little more. I really want to like him, but I just don’t connect with him at all. I wish Cassie had come up with something other than the bracelet as well.

Jesse Blackthorn:

Imma be honest: at the moment I don’t really care about Jesse either. I don’t know enough about him. But it seems like we’re gonna get more from him this next book so I’m reserving my judgement until then. In Chain of Gold I noticed most of his scenes were pretty expository or he was passing along information, but we never really got to know much about him. Hopefully I will like him in Chain of Iron though!

Lucie Herondale:

I really like Lucie so far! My favorite part about her is that she is so practical, but also able to loose herself in whimsical fantasies. She is totally 100% Tessa and Will’s child!! I don’t have much to say other than I love what I’ve gotten from her so far, but I just need a little bit more to connect with her. I’m hoping Chain of Iron really explores her darker side and her motivations. I kinda have a feeling this next book will either make or break my opinion of her.

Matthew Fairchild:

Anyone who has been following me for a while now could probably guess that Matthew is my favorite from TLH. I don’t know what it says about me, but I relate to him on a personal level. Although I haven’t made the same mistakes he has, (thank heavens for that!) I do know how he feels. I do know what it’s like to have something happen, that’s completely your fault, and have it change your life into something completely different than you thought it would be. I have made a lot of posts about him so if you want more in depth details, they are on my blog.

I’m just going to say that, very similar to Alastair, I think that Matthew has a lot of amends to make, to everyone in his life. And his journey is what I look forward to the most. He’s made a lot of mistakes, huge ones, and I know it’ll probably get worse before it gets better. But I hope his story isn’t going to be as sad as everyone believes, (I don’t think it will be, since a vast majority of Cassie’s characters eventually get happen endings) it just means a lot to me that his character doesn’t end up a tragedy. Like I said before his relationship with Cordelia is something I am really looking forward to. And his relationship with his family as well.

I love him your honor. *if I loved him less I may have been able to talk about him more*

Thomas Lightwood:

I really like Thomas!!! I favorite thing about him is that he can so easily see the beautiful and worth in everyone and everything (which makes him perfect for Alastair!). I love how gentle and kind he is. So far what I have seen from him has been so great. And how he was able to carrying on despite his sister’s death and then Christopher’s illness was really admirable. But I’m going to say for him as I’ve said for most: I want to see more from him!!! I have faith that his and Alastair’s relationship with be the best part of the book, so I have high hopes!

Okay!!! I think that’s everyone!! Let me know what you think?? Do you agree or disagree! I would love to get into some discussions with people to pass the time until the release!! If anyone wants to make their own post, please tag me!! I’d love to see!!! Do you think I have enough ‘!!!!!!!!!’?

[changbin-froggy-jimin]

Heartbreak House (Mafia!Namjoon X Reader)

Summary: Mafia boss Kim Namjoon has stolen your heart. He was your first love and kept you safe no matter the cost, but suddenly he throws you to the curb. No reason given except that fact that he's completely over you and that it's time for you to go.

Soft hearts get you killed, but Namjoon's heart is only soft for you and his closest men. He knows he messed up big time, can he fix it before it's to late? 

(The story is better than the description, it’s just been so long since I’ve written one)

Pairings: Namjoon X Reader, Kinda Yoongi & Jimin

Tags: Angst Angst Angst, But! With a happy ending, Mafia boss Namjoon, Discussions of mental health, Dissociation, Break up/Post-break up, 2nd person pov, And Reader (you) is kept gender neutral.

Word Count: 5.5k

Oh! also reader is referred to with Angel as opposed to Y/N

"You were stupid if you thought this was ever truly going to last"

His words sting, tears build up in your eyes despite you not giving them permission to do so. You shouldn't have gotten attached you knew it, but you couldn't help it. Namjoon was dangerous, more dangerous than anyone you have ever met before, but he was also so sweet with you. How were you not supposed to fall for him?

"I- I thought-"

"You thought wrong. Now leave"

This man was your first kiss, your first... everything. How could you have been so stupid.

"Joon what happened? We can work on it, wherever it is, I just don't understand where this is coming from?"

You're met with silence. Where was this coming from? You had known Namjoon for almost three years, and had spent the last two in a relationship. And yeah finding out the well dressed man was actually a mob boss had been quite the surprise but as long as you kept your head down you had never minded. He always told you business got left at the door step and never once had that not been true so you let it go. If you were eventually caught up in some kind of sting they wouldn't have anything on you so you really didn't have a reason to be scared. And you knew above anything else that Joonie would protect you with his life and he had even done so before. The most recent of his scars, one that sat right above his eyebrow, was a testament to the promise he has made you. So whatever attitude change this was... Wherever this mood swing came from you honestly didn't know.

You try to wrack your brain for something he could be upset about but come up with almost nothing. You follow the rules set in place for you to stay here, you don't cause undue trouble for yourself or anyone else here. Sometimes you could be loud or annoying but that wasn't against the rules and most of the time it was encouraged by those around you.

Most of the time Joon was never angry but especially around you. Yeah, he had a big of a harsh image. Most people who knew him, knew him as heartless. His kindness is what surprised you most once you actually learned who he was past the first initial meeting one crisp October afternoon.

You had seen him looking quite lost outside of the shop you worked in, and had pulled him inside. He was charming and kind, and asked you for directions, stating he was lost and was just looking for help. He ended up staying for a lot longer then you both thought he would, finding the conversation easy and light. At the end of the night as you were closing up, having no idea where the time went, he had asked if he could see you again. You really had no reason to say no, so you didn't. Later he told you he was hiding from the cops and needed a good cover, but that you had been the best cover he had found yet.

You refused to believe that everything you felt, everything you knew he felt was fake as well. You knew he had moments, moments where this harsh side of him came out, he told you about it before. But you had never seen it for yourself. If this was what it felt like to be on the bad side of Kim Namjoon... You didn't even want to think about it. You just want your Joonie back.

"I had your things packed for you. They'll be at your apartment around noon." When did your boyfriend start to sound so dead inside?

"What are you talking about? I haven't lived there for at least a year. This is my home!"

"Not anymore it. Now leave, or I'll have someone make you." It was so cold. So absolutely lacking of any of the warmth you were so used to. More tears fell down your cheeks.

Maybe it was just a mood, maybe something happened, you just couldn't believe it was over... Just like that with no real reason. You know he always makes good on his promises. No matter how much you screamed and yelled, no matter if it ended with someone three times your size coming and physically moving you, it would still end with you leaving. And you were not interested in someone moving you like a child. It's not like you wanted to cause that big of a scene outside of these doors either. So you head for the door, there's just nothing else you can do at the moment. The shock from this whole situation confusing you more than anything.

You rest your hand on the door frame, slightly turning back to him. Hoping that somehow, some time he'd tell you it was all a mistake, he didn't mean it and he'd pull you back into his arms and hold you like he did only hours ago.

But he didn't. He said nothing and started to read the papers that were left for him on his desk. He glanced over at you just about the rim of his reading glasses that he must have put on while you were turned.

"Leave" and so you did, not sparing another glance to the man who you thought had cherished your heart.

Several days later, it's Yoongi who walks through Namjoon's door. Disappointment and longing hit Namjoon, dashed hopes of someone else walking through the door feels like a tangible weight in his heart. Namjoon sets aside his emotions like he always has, ready to talk about updates on the arms shipment they were hoping to intercept. Except he knows the look Yoongi is giving him, and that look means trouble. Namjoon and Yoongi have known each other since they were just kids causing trouble on the streets. This is the face his oldest friend makes when he's about to cause trouble and knows he can get away with it because Joon has a soft spot for him.

"Save it" He turns back to his work, not at all interested in what Yoongi has to say.

Yoongi meanders around the room, taking loud steps and overall doing his best to annoy the man at the desk.

"What do you want?" Namjoon says, more annoyed at the pacing then anything else.

"Thought I should 'Save it'. Are you really flip flopping so easily? You know that's not a good look for us right? Makes us look sloppy, like we don't do our due diligence." Yoongi comes to a short stop in front of the desk, tapping his nails without any set rhythm, before continuing his trek around the room. Picking up any objects that piqued his interest and setting them back upside down or facing the wrong direction.

"Yoongi..." The Namjoon says, sighing like he had the whole world on his shoulders. How sad for him.

"I just find it interesting because just last week you called every single crew member into a meeting in which you said that, and I quote, 'Angel 'Wasn't going to leave anytime soon' and anyone that didn't treat 'Your precious darling' with respect was going to feel your wrath. So when's your execution appointment Namjoon?" Yoongi leans against a bookshelf near the desk, crossing his arms over his chest. Letting the words sink in. And sink they do.

"It's not safe here Yoongi and we both know it. My Angel is better off without me, and better off not being here."

Yoongi pauses at that. Taking a second to think this 'revelation' over. It just struck him as... Wrong. How was everything fine last week and a mess this one?

"What are you talking about? It's safe here. There's at least 50 armed guards at any given moment and that's just outside. Your 'Angel' is always with someone you trust and never wanders off alone, and we both know that everyone would die to keep them safe. Not even just you and me, everyone. Anyone who tried something would be put down with more bullet holes than you could count."

"That doesn't matter. One wrong move and we'd have to clean up another body. Do you want to deal with that on your conscience? Knowing that one of ours got killed trying to keep Angel safe? It's not our crew's jobs to keep our lovers safe."

Yoongi scoffs at that. It's exactly what he thought. Somewhere in the recesses off Namjoon's brain still lives the scared kid who's so afraid of losing people that he just pushes them away. Yoongi didn't let Namjoon push him away and he absolutely wouldn't let him do it to the obvious love of his life.

"You did this to save your own skin, none of this was to save our crew and we both know it. You caught feelings and heartless Kim Namjoon couldn't deal with the aftermath, so you push everyone away and then you don't have to deal with your emotions do you?" Irritation drips from every word and he states it as fact because he knows it is. Knows it'll hurt to hear. He hopes it wakes the idiot out of his stupor. For someone so intelligent he can be an absolute idiot.

Namjoon's body tenses at Yoongi's words, trying to hold the anger back and not lash out like he so desperately wanted to.

"Think very carefully about what you're going to say next"

"What? You gonna throw me out with the next trash cycle just like you did with your 'Angel'. Real heartwarming."

The Namjoon takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, fists clenched and jaw set.  Yoongi knows well enough by now that if he doesn't want to be burnt after playing with fire its time for him to go. Yoongi pushes off the bookshelf, heads towards the door instead.

Yoongi pauses in the doorway, hand on the same place Angel's was, the visual doesn't help Namjoon try to forget.

"Fix it, Namjoon, before its to late Otherwise, you'll destroy yourself and end up in that dark pit again." He wants to say more, wants to dive more into the meat of the issue, but it's just not who they are. So he closes the door behind him and hopes that his boss figures it out himself.

The door lightly slams behind him. Inside Namjoon realizes the truth in what Yoongi said.

Namjoon takes out the painkillers, a headache coming on.

Outside the door Jimin waits.

"Did you get through to him? Will he fix it?" Angel's bodyguard, well, ex-bodyguard is practically bouncing off the walls with nerves. It's not at all how any of them should be acting, but Yoongi figures none of them really act like they're supposed to anymore. He throws a comforting hand on the kids head; it's enough to shock him out of the bouncing.

"I don't know, but I hope so." He fluffs the kids hair a bit. Jimin sputters at the action, pulling away in a huff to fix his hair. Yoongi chuckles as he watches the other.

"Let's go get something to eat, huh, take your mind off it for a bit."

Jimin's face goes from annoyed to shocked in a second, no doubt remembering when Yoongi was more likely to shoulder check him then even say hi. It's splits into one of those wide grins that only Jimin can pull off which makes Yoongi's heart flutter.

"Ok!"

Yoongi wraps his arm around the other mans shoulder to pull him towards the parking lot so he doesn't have to look directly at that smile anymore. The kid starts rambling on and on about what he's been doing recently, always glancing back to make sure Yoongi is still paying attention to him. Yoongi hangs off of every word even if he doesn't show it.

When did he become so soft?

The first month back at your old apartment was the worst. You were so used to visiting the complex that to not be there constantly was a big shock to your system. It didn't help that you were all alone. Joon didn't always have time to spend with you but someone always kept you company. Most of the time you went to hang out with Jimin where Hobi worked in the makeshift infirmary, making jokes about the organs and blood while Hobi stitched back up their lower ranking members. He didn't mind you two being there as long as you both kept a respectful distance and weren't to loud, If you were, it only resulted in Hobi just lightly scolding you guys and continuing his work without missing a beat. You and Jimin would just laugh a bit quieter and whisper for a few minutes before turning back to a more normal volume.

The reactions to your teasing were usually just the patient on the table grimacing but not saying anything as they knew they couldn't without significant repercussions. The last guy who complained was made into a spectacle, and while you did feel kinda bad about it, he did call you a "Disgusting whore who was only there for the money". So, you weren't really crying over his loss. The rest, who had a good sense of humor tended to laugh at the jokes and sounds of disgust, this actually annoyed Hobi more as he kinda needed his patients to be still on the operation table and not shaking from holding back laughter. If the injury was serious enough he might have kicked you both out but you would just go down the hall to where Jungkook was most likely playing a game and join him instead. Plus, it actually helped morale in the heath center as Hobi tended to stay completely silent and the frowny face he always wore around the lesser ranking members was enough to skin the confidence off any man.

The memories make you smile.

The second month was a bit better, having fallen back into a routine again. You still miss the rest of the crew, and try to avoid thoughts of Joon like the plague, keeping yourself busy by working yourself to the bone. Your boss had thankfully let you come back no issues, apparently the business had fallen a little sideways in your absence.

Months three and four are about the same.

You're doing pretty well if you don't think about the fact that you cry yourself to sleep every night, but really other than that you're honestly great.

Month five hits the worst.

You had gotten sick, so very sick. All the endless overtime having finally caught up to you. Your boss, who was trying to be helpful, had told you to not come in for at least a week. He grateful for your help in getting the business standing on two legs again, and the kind old man had told you to take the proper time to recover. You were able to distract yourself for a while. Keeping yourself from the very thoughts that had haunted you so much these past few months. But the distractions stopped working about day two and things mostly went downhill from there. It took a lot of ice cream to help calm you down. But after spending the whole week on the couch crying you did actually start feeling a bit better. Most days after that week left you feeling lighter and happier then the next. Sometimes you still had bad days, missing your friends who you had really considered family at that point. None of them had come to visit despite promising they would. You just assumed they had forgotten.

So at six months it was a surprise to hear a knock on the door. You knew better than to answer the door to strangers, but that wasn't a strangers knock. It was one of the coded ones that you were taught fairly early on in yours and Joon's relationship. You stupidly didn't check the peephole, hoping it was Jimin who would finally make good on his promise to meet you.

It wasn't.

Instead it was a rain drenched Namjoon holding slightly broken roses as if he had been running with no care for the flowers that he was holding. You didn't even like roses.

The smile instantly dropped from your face. Joon for the most part looked exactly the same, minus the water soaked hair. Suit was still expertly pressed, black metallic hoops still in place, the scar above his eyebrow still not fully grown back.

You try to close the door quickly in order to shut him out. Namjoon's hand flashes in between the door frame and the door itself, adding a leather shoe for good measure.

"Can we please talk?"

You want to say no, everything inside of you is screaming to say no. That this man broke your heart and wasn't worth your time or effort. You're in pajamas, it's pouring out, and your ex of six months has just shown up with the only flowers you've told him you despised.

You open the door.

Namjoon walks in with one of the small smiles you've only ever seen him make at you. It kinda makes you feel sick.

You sit at the small island bar in your kitchen. Namjoon moves as if he is going to sit next to you. You glare at him, putting your feet up on the seat.  He sighs before walking around the island so he can face you. He sets the roses down; the crystal vase shines like diamonds even with the terrible lighting you have in your apartment. No doubt it was stupidly expensive and bought at some famous boutique-y store. How pretentious. You pick out one of the roses, you start peeling away its petals as you wait for Namjoon to find his words. Instead he seems to focus on the stain that's spreading over your fingers from where the petals are being torn apart viciously.

When he doesn't say anything you supply your own commentary. It's the first words you've said to him since he abandoned you almost 6 months ago on the dot.

"I don't like roses."

"Jungkook said they were romantic" He supplies back, as if that would help his situation. Jungkook was a textbook romantic. You on the other hand, were not, or at least not with these cliche flowers.

"And I said I hated them, so you're really racking up points here"

He visibly swallows at that.

"Listen I know I messed up-"

"Messed up huh? You told me I meant nothing to you and that you never wanted to see me again. Then you show up out of the blue with a gift that really makes it look like you didn't even listen to what I told you when we were together."

"I didn't say you meant nothing to me. You're putting words in my mouth."

"Oh I'm putting words in your mouth? How could I? Me?" You grab at your chest for dramatic affect, hoping your words landed as scathingly as you meant them. You knew you were losing all control over your temper in the face of his complete stupidity. The words tumbling out of your mouth from pure anger. "You only viciously kicked me out of our home, packed up all my things and sent me to live by myself with absolutely no rhyme or reason. Abandoning me despite promising that you would never leave me. Forced me to leave all my friends behind and I'm sure, threatened them into not talking to me either. You threw me out without a reason, you held me before turning on me seemingly only two hours later when I left your office because you asked me to! Do you know how many nights I spent crying over you?!" You felt angry tears forming in your eyes. You wipe them quickly, he shouldn't get the satisfaction of seeing you cry.

"Yes." The reply was small, like it wasn't even meant to be heard. He's not looking at you anymore. Looking at the countertop like it's so much more interesting instead.

"Yes? What do you mean yes?"

"Your apartment has been bugged since we first met."

You groan. "Why did I even like you, you're the absolute worst. Do you know how creepy that is? How horrifying it is to know that you've just been listening to me? That you sat there and thought that you should listen to me crying, not only just crying, because that would be to easy, but me crying over you because you broke my heart."

"Did?" His face fell, not that it has maintained a happy expression since you decided to tear up the roses he brought you right in front of his own face.

You just sigh throwing down the now much more miserable looking rose, ready to just tell him to get out of your apartment and your life, before he surprises you by continuing.

"I couldn't stand not hearing your voice. I thought about you every night and couldn't get your face out of my mind. It was the only way I could keep myself sane. He shuffles in his seat, discomfort etched across his entire face. "Everyday I spent watching the clock, hoping that the day would end knowing that you were going to be getting back from your shifts, and I could finally listen to your voice again. Our room has been so lonely without you. Even if you were crying there was a sick part of me that was just happy you were still thinking about me like I was thinking about you. Open and sore, still bleeding with feelings that you couldn't help but hold onto. I missed you so much. More than I thought one person could miss another."

He takes a breath before continuing, fidgeting in his seat and playing with his fingers. Eyes not meeting yours. "It made me realize how much I love you, and that I can't let you go. How I made the most stupid decision in my life based of fear which then became anger because I was scared I couldn't protect you." He runs his hands roughly through his hair messing up the slicked back look he had been sporting in his rain drenched state. "So I did the only thing I knew how to do. I pushed you away." Namjoon looks up into your face, his eyes wild, and willing you to believe him. "But I swear I never abandoned you. Someone was always with you, watching to make sure you got home safe and no one bothered you. I never once stopped thinking about you. I never once stopped protecting you. I kept my promises even if you didn't see them because I couldn't stand the thought of losing you. Even if you find someone else, I will always be here for you."

"Joon... You still hurt me." You look down, trying to not be swayed by the pain and franticness in his eyes."You still made me feel like everything we were was fake and that I meant nothing to you. How do I know that you won't just throw me away again tomorrow?" Your arms cross over your chest, trying to subconsciously protect yourself from this man who had broken you. "You left me alone for six months and come back and say all this stuff about love and care but you didn't show that to me once then. Now you want to get back together and for me to pretend like what? We're fine and nothing happened? Do you know how much what you did hurt me?" You look up to meet his gaze again. "You obviously spent all that time listening to me crying but never once thought about telling me why you did what you did? Do you know what I would have told you, if you had let me know why you were scared?" You stare him down, hoping that he can feel the pain that's settled in your soul. He looks back into your eyes with all of the emotions he's probably been hiding for months, it spills from him like a fountain. It's enough motivation to continue talking, knowing he was hanging off of every word like he was.

"That you worry about me Joon, but I am never in danger at the complex because of everyone there that respects you and will take care of me because of that. That if anything I'm scared for you every day you leave that office because I never know if you're coming home or not. Because I know it's not safe outside those walls but you spent months making sure I felt comfortable in ours. I knew what I was getting into when we started seriously dating. But I have always trusted you to keep me safe. There has never been doubt in my mind that you will do everything in your power to make sure all seven of us stay safe. Fearing for each other's lives was just going to be our normal but we both knew that. We both signed up for this knowing that. How could you just let that go?"

"I started slipping."

That... wasn't good.

"Joon... What happened?" You knew about his past, his history. That because of all the horrible things that Namjoon had to deal with, sometimes he would just go into a disassociate states. It's when he was his most destructive, most volatile. It was something you had only heard of and had never seen with your own eyes. Mainly heard from hushed whispers from the crew.

"It was bad this time. Someone broke into the complex. I got scared. More scared then I've ever been in my life and the switch just flipped back on. I couldn't feel anything. So I started doing what I always do when I get like that. I started problem solving, and the biggest problem was you, there wasn't anything else in that complex that I cared about more than you." His face scrunched up with pain, before evening out into something so sorrowful it stole the breath from your lungs. Everything about him seemed so small all of the sudden. Like all the air he used to puff himself up with, caused him to pop like a miserable balloon. "In my head it was like if I just got rid of you then everything would go back to normal and I could go back to not feeling so small and helpless. So that's what I did, even if it seemed like everything that was happening, was happening to someone else. Watching you listen to those words, what I was saying, felt like it was somewhere else, that I was someone else and it wasn't real. Nothing felt real..." He sighs deeply, rubbing his face like it could remove the bad memories before continuing.

"It took Yoongi coming in and telling me off, as much as I didn't want to hear, it for everything to finally click. That I had messed up, big time, and needed to fix it. But I knew that mindset was still lurking, that it could come back and hurt you accidentally." All of the sudden, his face breaks out into a sad smile. His eyes start to shimmer with tears. "So I went to therapy." He laughs out his confession. It feels fantastical, the way he spoke it,  like he didn't actually expect that it would work at all before making himself serious again. "I actually sat down with a therapist and talked about my issues, that's why it took so long to come back to you. I had to know it was safe, to know that I couldn't hurt you like I did before. To know how to deal with all of those feelings in a healthy way. I didn't want to make it worse so I just waited, waited everyday to make sure I could keep you as safe as possible, listened to you laugh, and sing, and cry, every night to remind myself to keep it together, and that I was doing this to make sure you would never cry again. That I wouldn't ever make you cry again. I'm sorry it took me so long to come back to you Angel." His body seems to relax with the confession, as if he had finally gotten the burden off that was holding him back.

"Do you know how bad that hurts to hear?" You were torn up. You thought he had... That he had abandoned you? Thought you were left for dead only to find out he did something so out of character of anything you thought he would ever do. It took him months to start opening up to you! You can't even imagine him going to someone to talk about his emotions.

"Then give me the chance to learn."

"Joon-"

"Please. I promise I'll treat you right this time. I'll take you on all the dates you want. We can go to the food stalls and get the greasy food you love so much; we can even go feed the ducks at the park; it doesn't matter how disgustingly domestic. I just don't want to be without you anymore. Please. I'm sorry." He let's out a curse before wiping away his own tears that had gathered in his eyes. Namjoon isn't one to beg, you don't think you've heard him say please once in the entire two years you've known him.

You sigh, you know his character, knows he means what he's said. But you also trusted him to mean it before.

You could feel all of your anger leaving, instead in its place was the want to have your old relationship back. The one where you both snuck Jungkook's console out of his room and played games till you couldn't keep your eyes open. Or when he would take you out to see the stars on the rooftop of one of his buildings, complete with a picnic and a stupid live band. The one where when you found out your mom passed and he held you while you cried for days, holing you both up inside his office and not going to any of his important meetings to make sure you were ok. The one where you brought him breakfast in bed but he didn't even eat it just pulled you into the bed for more cuddles. You missed it, there's nothing on this planet you missed more.

You wanted to believe him. More than anything you did.

"I don't know if I can trust you Joon. You absolutely broke my heart and it took me so long to get over you. I'm not even sure I really am..."

"Let me prove it to you. How serious I am about this. I'm more serious about this then I ever have been about anything else in my life. Please believe me Angel."

You cover your face with both hands, trying to rub away the actual emotion from showing. Hands grab your writs, pulling them gently away from your face. He was so much closer than he was a minute ago. He leans in and you don't stop him. His lips meet your tentatively, fully expecting you to pull away but you don't. You pull him in closer trying to make up for all the time you've spent apart. You had missed him so much, missed this, how soft he was with you. That despite what he chose to do as a profession he always held you like you were fragile, like if he held you to hard, you were going to break. And he had broken you, but he came back to put together the pieces and promised to do better, and you would hold him to that.

You pull back from the kiss, resting your forehead on his.

"The minute you pull something like that again I'm leaving and I'm never coming back."

"I know.  But I won't give you another reason to."

"You better not." You intend it to come out with malice but it just sounds relived. "Now come here, I've missed you so much." If the kiss was desperate the hug seems starved, Namjoon repeats 'Thank you Angel' while kissing the top of your head. You're just happy to feel his warmth again even if the hugging is a bit awkward due to you still sitting.

If he was serious about this, and you knew he was, you would fit back together. Something about him just pulled you in and it was hard to ignore. He was one of the sweetest and kindest people you had ever met. No one just does what he did not only for you, but for the six other men he considered family if he didn't truly have a heart. And you really had missed him just as much as he had clearly missed you. You wouldn't mind spending the rest of your life in his arms, even if the pieces are shattered right now and he'd really have to prove you could trust him again. You really want it to work, for both of your sakes.

[cr-vermilion]

       wassup my sluts, this is tea back at it AGAIN :o)  my twt @ TEAHEE__ but im a-ok w/ tumblr dms as well ~  anywho this classy lad is vermilion red, representing passion vs. wrath.  he goes by sil - medic by day, househusband by night :3c

he spent half of his life with the dead and the other half with the living;

his father was a funeral rite mortician who cleanses and prepares bodies for their final departure  ( ref:  nokanshi ),  sil grew up assisting him

but then his parents died in a freak accident

he was taken in by gale’s parents - of which the father’s a doctor;  so sil traded in sending souls off to saving them

pretty decent upbringing, pretty decent life, pretty decent guy

as long as you’re not too fazed by him making really intense eye contact... or invading your personal space... or caressing...

appreciates The Voice’s creations a little too much and may become infatuated with a unique physical characteristic you have  ( be it something normal like your eyes or your hair;  or something a lil more intimate like your tongue or your pulse)

takes care of people!  cleans!  cooks!  he creates beautifully plated dishes, but his cooking is a toss-up.  50% chance it’ll take like heaven, 50% chance you’ll end up at the hospital rip

but he’ll make it up to you by tidying your home and giving you massages and piggy back rides :’)

genuinely enjoys helping people, so catch him volunteering in his free time

mostly calm -- but when he’s angry or aroused, the rim around his pupils glows a soft red, so he can... never truly hide his feelings

has a really loud inner voice that aggressively articulates his thoughts.  he tries not to listen to it though, ‘cause The Voice told him not to trust himself 😔

super tall. like. 190cm / 6′3″ tall.  this is important bc if you’re short enough, he will use you as a headrest :3c  endearingly ofc

always wearing white or light neutral tones;  he only wears black for funerals  ( of which he tries to attend every single one... )

plot bunnies ---

you’re reckless;  he patches you up again and again

your pulse is irregular;  it intrigues him, he wants to study you, examine you

you went on a date with him, and he cooked something awful

you went on a date with him, but he’s making you feel uneasy

you went on a date with him, and for once, it’s not him, it’s you O___O

co-dependence - you’re drowning, he’s burning.   this isn’t anything good.

once upon a time you knew him intimately, but something happened and now he bears a grudge that carries through the universes.  ( tell me, how many times do i have to kill you for you to understand? )

he kabedons you for absolutely no reason LMAO

his parents and someone you’re close to died on the same day, so once a year, the two of you reunite at the graveyard / temple

he shows up at your relative’s funeral but he’s not even on the guest list??? mf just here to watch

his inner voice is loudest when he’s with you  ( read: he loses control )

maybe he volunteered at your workplace once?

or babysat you??  cooked for you???

im up for anything tbh lets get it

ok thats a wrap, LETS PLOT PLSSS 💖💖💖

[snkpolls]

SnK Episode 66 Poll Results (for Anime Only Watchers)

The poll closed with 102 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Manga Readers’ poll, click here.

Anime only watchers, beware of spoilers if you venture over to the manga readers’ poll results.

--

RATE THE EPISODE 96 Responses

“Assault” got fantastic reviews from anime watchers, with the majority (93.8%) ranked the episode a 4 or a 5. No one seemed to have negative feelings about the episode this week. 

can't wait for the next

epic

amazing 

BEST

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING ACTION MOMENTS WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 96 Responses

The most favored action moment among anime watchers, at 29.2%, was seeing Eren using Porco’s titan as a nutcracker to defeat Lady Tybur. Following closely behind, at 27.1%, people most enjoyed Armin’s reintroduction as he blew up the harbor with his Colossal atomic blast. 24% most enjoyed seeing Mikasa fillet Porco’s legs, and a small 9.4% felt the most hype when Sasha and Jean helped take the Cart Titan and the Panzer Unit out of the fight. 

armin supremacy

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING MOMENTS MADE YOU FEEL THE MOST EMOTIONAL? 95 Responses

In contrast to the action were the scenes that made us feel some emotions. 25.3% were most emotionally affected at Mikasa’s sorrow watching Eren doing something cruel to another human being. 26.8% felt the most for Armin in this episode as he looks down on the horrific aftermath of his explosion. 12.6% empathized most with Reiner as he made himself wake up despite still wishing to die. The remaining scenes that got people choked up, in order: Finally getting to see Hange again, Porco’s pleas as he’s forced to kill Lara Tybur, Gabi and Falco yelling out for Reiner to save Porco and help them, and Falco pleading with Jean not to kill Pieck. 

Hange <3

ON A SCALE OF 1-5, HOW EERIE DID YOU FIND THIS IMAGE OF THE WAR HAMMER TITAN? 94 Responses

MAPPA drew an eerie shot of the War Hammer Titan near the beginning of the episode as she takes her final blow against Eren. Overall, people seemed to be neutral about the image, though more people found it to be closer to the stuff of nightmares than those who did not.

REGARDLESS OF HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT GABI’S CHARACTER, HER SEIYUU TRULY WENT ALL IN ON HER SCREAMS FOR REINER. ON A SCALE OF 1-5, HOW BONE CHILLING WAS HER PERFORMANCE? 93 Responses

The majority of anime viewers were taken aback by Gabi’s seiyuu’s performance, with 64.5% ranking it a 4 or 5. A smaller amount (14%) were less impressed by the acting and found the screams more annoying instead. 21.5% were more or less neutral. 

Gaby's scream were... So desperate, so real.... I was chilled to the bones.

SOME FANDOM SPACES SEEM TO BE MORE POSITIVELY RECEPTIVE ABOUT THE CGI IN THIS EPISODE. WHERE DO YOU FALL ON THE SPECTRUM? 94 Responses

Overall, the reception to the CGI this episode has vastly improved over last week. 82% total felt that MAPPA’s use of CGI was a big improvement and that they continue to get better at it. Only 5 people felt more continued disappointment this week.

EREN MENTIONS THAT LARA TYBUR IS CRYSTALLIZED LIKE ANNIE, AND THAT HIS TEETH ARE USELESS AGAINST THAT. DOES THIS MEAN THAT THE SURVEY CORPS HAS TRIED TO HAVE ANNIE EATEN? 93 Responses

In general, respondents didn’t want to make a call either way about whether the Survey Corps has tried to have Annie eaten or not, with 40.9% voting a simple “maybe.” 34.4% believe that Eren’s words insinuated that he has experienced an attempt to eat a crystallized shifter before, while 24.7% feel certain that Annie has been left untouched all this time.

WE SEE EREN TRANSFORM FOR THE THIRD TIME IN A SHORT PERIOD IN THIS EPISODE, A STARK CONTRAST TO THE BEGINNING OF SEASON 3 WHEN HE COULDN’T DO SO WITHOUT HIS TITAN SEVERELY DEPLETING IN STRENGTH. WITH THIS, ALONG WITH HIS ABILITY TO REGENERATE QUICKLY BY HIS OWN WILL, HOW IMPRESSED ARE YOU WITH HIS MUCH IMPROVED ABILITY TO HANDLE HIS TITAN POWER? 92 Responses

Eren has improved vastly in terms of controlling his titan power since the earlier seasons of the anime. 73.9% altogether felt very impressed with his improvement, while 18.5% didn’t think it was any big deal at all.

Eren is such a badass. I am totally proud of him.

ZEKE CRYPTICALLY DECLARED THAT EREN IS “NOT HIS ENEMY.” WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS MEANS? 90 Responses

We haven’t had a lot of insight into Zeke’s thoughts and feelings much this season, so hearing him declare Eren as not being his enemy may have taken some by surprise, though he quickly follows this statement up by stating Levi comes first. 34.4% of viewers believe that this was a heartfelt statement and that it has something to do with Zeke telling Eren back in Shiganshina that he was going to save him. 22.2% believe it was a dismissive statement and that Zeke didn’t see Eren as a threat so much as he wanted to deal with getting Levi out of the picture first. 15.6% took this as a signal that Zeke’s loyalties may not be with Marley at all. The remaining respondents have already been spoiled about future plot developments.

WE FINALLY GET TO SEE ARMIN - AND HIS COLOSSAL TITAN! WHICH COLOSSAL TITAN DESIGN DO YOU PREFER? 96 Responses

This episode marks the first time we get to see Armin’s Colossal Titan form, so we asked which design fans prefer between Armin and Bertolt. It came close, though the slight majority think that Armin’s Colossal design is just a bit better than Bertolt’s classic mascot design.

ARMIN ASKS, “ARE THESE THE SIGHTS THAT YOU SAW, BERTOLT?” DO YOU THINK HE HAS SEEN SOME OF BERTOLT’S MEMORIES? 90 Responses

The majority (62.2%) believe Armin’s words prove that he has seen some of Bertolt’s memories over the last few years. 27.8% aren’t sure and simply voted “maybe.” A small 10% feel certain that Armin hasn’t seen any of Bertolt’s memories and can merely only speculate about the horrors Bertolt witnessed as the Colossal Titan.

LEVI TOOK DOWN ZEKE RATHER EASILY. IS ZEKE DEAD? 89 Responses

Just about everyone, aside from those who are already spoiled about future happenings, believe that Zeke went down way too easily for it to be true. 55.1% believe that he has gone completely unscathed from Levi’s attack one way or another. 10.1% believe that he’s at least injured, just not dead. A small handful don’t want to make a call either way and just a tiny sliver of the pie believes that Zeke may actually be dead for real. 

It is a plane

JEAN’S THUNDER SPEAR DOESN’T HIT FALCO AND PIECK. HE QUESTIONS HIMSELF ON WHETHER IT’S BECAUSE OF HIM OR BECAUSE OF THE STEAM PIECK EMITTED. WHAT DO YOU THINK? 89 Responses

We’ve seen Jean struggle to kill another person before, so it’s not surprising to see him struggle with it once again when said person is just a child begging for the carnage to stop. 65.2% of respondents feel that the reason the thunder spear missed was ultimately due to Jean’s hesitation and unwillingness to harm an innocent child. 22.5% believe he had steeled himself to kill Falco but was only thwarted by Pieck’s steam. Some feel unsure about what ultimately affected the outcome, though some write-ins think it’s a combination of both. 

I think it's a combination of both, I think that the steam and his reluctance to kill an innocent child is what caused him to completely miss.

I think both

both

Both?

WHO IS ONYANKOPON? 89 Responses

Hange and Armin were seen in the blimp with a new character named Onyankopon piloting it. But… where did he come from? 43.8% seem to believe that he is someone from another nation that has allied with the Survey Corps. 20.2% suspect that he is originally from Marley but has chosen to switch sides, and only 13.5% think that he’s a Paradis native we’ve never seen before. 

I have no idea!!!

Jesus himself

WHERE DID THE SURVEY CORPS GET THE BLIMP? 89 Responses

Just as much as the new character is a mystery, so is the acquisition of an entire blimp! 30.3% believe that the blimp is something borrowed from an ally nation. 22.5% believe that it is stolen from Marley itself. 15.7% aren’t sure what to speculate, and only 11.2% believe that Paradis managed to figure this one out themselves.

WE SEE EREN’S TITAN SWALLOW THE BLOOD FROM LARA TYBUR. WHAT DO YOU THINK, DID HE SUCCESSFULLY STEAL THE WAR HAMMER TITAN’S POWER? 89 Responses

Nearly half of respondents are confident that Eren succeeded in his task to take the War Hammer Titan from the enemy. 25.8% think he most likely did, but are feeling confused as it’s been previously stated titans only transfer their power via spinal fluid. A small handful suspect there’s a possibility that Porco managed to swallow the necessary component to take the War Hammer instead of letting Eren have it. 

Probably not, the titan that swallowed Eren whole in season 1 didn’t get his powers

%50 eren eat warhammer or %50 porco.

OVERALL, HOW DID IT MAKE YOU FEEL TO SEE EREN DOING SOMETHING SO COLD HEARTED? 90 Responses

Eren as a character has seemed a bit colder since the time skip, so we were curious about how people felt watching him assault Liberio and take out Lara Tybur the way he did. Reception of Eren’s actions is definitely a mixed bag. 27.8% are enjoying this new side of Eren, feeling he’s the “MF’ing GOAT.” 22.2% aren’t really sure how to feel about Eren’s actions yet and may need more context before making a final judgement. 20% just feel sad seeing Eren doing something so horrific, and 16.7% have lost any positive opinion they may have had about Eren at all. 

Love to see Eren being a savage<3

Being given his rationale for his actions makes him a much more compelling character and I appreciate his gray morals more

It made me hate him, the way it felt to watch the Colossal and Armored Titans in Season 1.

Such is life

I think his character development is going in an interesting direction and I'm excited to get a more clear picture of why he's doing this in future episodes

I mean he always seemed to have a steak of evil in him since before. Kid killed people remorselessly, even if it was to save a girl. It was surprising from an audience point of view, but with his character, maybe it shouldn't really be too surprsing.

FALCO MENTIONS THAT PIECK’S BODY CAN’T HEAL FAST ENOUGH. DO YOU THINK SHE’LL MAKE IT OUT OF THIS ALIVE? 89 Responses

Pieck did not have such a good time this episode… Explosive injuries all around. When it comes to her fate in the next episode, a plurality (46.1%) seems to believe she’ll make it out alive, in contrast to 9% who think she’ll perish. Just under a quarter (23.6%) can’t be certain and 21.3% note that they’ve been spoiled already.

WHEN REINER AWAKENS, HIS ARMORED TITAN APPEARS TO TAKE ON A DIFFERENT FORM. THOUGHTS? 93 Responses

Reiner’s so handsome :3 and so is his Titan form this episode. An interesting development! What could it mean? Just under 50% seem to believe it represents how broken his soul is, 19.4% are just like the writer of these text blurbs and think the Titan form is cute. A little over 17% think it’s simply a rather cool structure and finally, a small minority are just yearning for his old form to return.

lol weird combination of reiner and titan i.e. when titan dies he ded

I'm just wondering why it looks so different.

squidward

Handsome squidward lol (I honestly don't have feelings on it either way)

why does it look like that 😭

Meh

Maybe he's weakened? The armors in his arms were also malformed.

DO YOU THINK PORCO WILL DIE NEXT EPISODE? 90 Responses

Porco was not treated well by this episode… Sheesh. Will the next episode do better by him? Well, just under 29% think he won’t die, at least. An equal amount of people believe he will, in fact, perish and were also spoiled about his fate (23.3%). 24.4% simply aren’t sure. Such an even pie chart!

THE NARRATIVE HAS LAID OUT A CLEAR FOUNDATION TO ALLOW THE AUDIENCE TO EMPATHIZE WITH CHARACTERS FROM BOTH SIDES OF THE SPECTRUM. WITH THE DEVELOPMENTS OF THIS ARC, WHICH SIDE OF THE CONFLICT DO YOU FIND YOURSELF EMPATHIZING WITH THE MOST AS A WHOLE? 90 Responses

Sympathy and Empathy for everyone! When it comes to solely empathizing with one half of the cast, the results are rather close! 22.2% find themselves solely (or rather largely) attached to the old Survey Corps, in contrast to 21.1% who happen to solely (or rather largely) be attached to the new-ish Warriors. On the other hand, when mentioning the more “differing” options, 48.9% of responses noted that they find themselves more attached to the SC, while still caring for the Warriors, in contrast to the 7.8% stating the opposite. 

I've grown to love the Warriors throughout this season but watching them get wrecked one by one like that was simply incredible...especially that dumbass Porco, he took the fattest L ever Idk how its possible but every episode gets better than the last one. Bless MAPPA!

Fuck the Warriors

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

It was Fire, finally Levi could take his revenge from zeke

Easily one of the best in the series. Mappa really found their feet with the CGI and it was clearly a mammoth task due to all the different titans and ODM scenes. Everything was so much cleaner this episode. I have not yet been majorly spoiled, so seeing Eren use Porco to kill Lara was literally so energizing, reminded of how I felt when I first watched SnK. Did everything go a little too smoothly for the Survey Corp? Yes. I want to believe our friends will win, but i have my doubts. Im excited to see how this battle will play out because I have know idea where it's heading.

Good god can Eren kill Gabi next she's freaking annoying xD

One of the Panzer Unit's members had  in his cart area thingy.

Gave me what I wanted 

I've never so afraid and sad while watching this series

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 91 Responses

Thank you again to everyone who participated!

[teechew]

VESPINNA

- cw: mention or rape and underage rape (only the mention, not the description of the act itself) -

Name: Virginia Quispero Alias: Vespinna  Age: around 40 Quirk: gorgon – hair is made of think black snakes. Can transforms into a giant gorgon creature when all head (snakes + hers) think the exact same thing Passives: slow regeneration, super strength, super stamina, hyper vigilance (because around 100 pairs of eyes) Snake head poison: causes hallucination, paralysis and intestinal disorders Human head poison: deadly muscle stimulant, kills in 7 seconds Gorgon form: no legs, snake tail, giant size, feathers among the scales, all bites are mortals, barely human-looking

Born in an isolated valley in Peru, her family was part of a cult to Vespinno, a pagan god of destruction. When her quirk appeared, her father was persuaded she was Vespinno’s chosen and tried to raise her in the rank of the cult. The heads were charmed by his words and how he was certain she'd give birth to Vespinno himself! Her mother, realizing the madness of the cult, and her daughter safety was at risk, ran away with the child. She found refuge in the bigger city and went into hiding. She found work and kept the child hidden inside her home at all times. Virginia was really bored, always asking to get out and play with the other children, but the mother kept refusing. After a year of this life, the mother was tired. Money was short, the cult and even the government were trying to get their hands on Virginia. Without exit, the mother gave her up for adoption on the condition that Virginia was adopted out of the country.

Vi was sent to a wannabe celebrity japanese couple when she was 5. They intend on using Vi as a "pity" child, showing how "good and charitable" they were by adopting a 3rd country child with a difficult quirk. The brain was definitely the mother, spending most of her time recording vlogs and cleaning videos for her channel. The father was mostly uninterested, too busy working to feed his wife’s luxury taste. The plan was foiled by Virginia's queen intellect. She realized quickly that once the camera was off, her "mother" wasn't as caring and nice, often sending her to her room and not wanting to have anything to do with "a freak". The couple had another child; Ishimaru, barely a toddler then. He and Virginia were close. He was too young and hadn’t learn the biased view on her quirk. Virginia decided to "enlist" his help to expose her mother.

One day, when the mother was having a livestreamed Q&A session, Virginia came into view. "Mother, I'm hungry, can I get a snack?" The mother, under the camera at this moment, told her "not yet" and sent her to her room, saying that she was busy but remaining sweet and caring. Virginia shook her head, making her snakes wave around and asked again to have a snack. The mother became more and more tense. With each refusal the child insisted, getting on her mother nerves. At one point the woman excused herself to the audience and shut the livestream. As the mother was scolding Virginia, Ishimaru, paid in candy by his sister, came closer to the computer and "pushed the red button" on his mother screen. Virginia had taught him how to use a mouse... And the livestream started. Virginia was still in the middle of a scolding. The mother, already mad, was pointing and now screaming at the gorgon. Virginia, following her plan, was especially good at being a brat that day and was promptly, under the eyes of the watchers, sent "to the basement without diner!" No need to say, child services were called and took Virginia and Ishimaru away from the couple. Virginia never saw her little brother again.

She was send to foster families, but because of this awful experience and her quirk that, you have to admit, is scary, Virginia was never adopted nor stayed long in the families, changing households every now and then. Because of this she was also changing schools often and never made long lasting friends. She was a loner and often though of as a bully due to her tallness, superior strength, bad grades, and attitude. Truth was she had a huge social skill delay and never learned how to make friends. When she reached 16, she was old enough to work a part-time job and the government wasn't ready to pay for her studies, especially seeing her bad grades. She was cut from the foster program and left to fend for herself. She was lucky enough that the current foster family didn't throw her out, but offered her to stay in her current room as long as she participated in the grocery bill.

Virginia tried. She really did. No front work wanted her - "not customer friendly" they said. Back work never lasted long as her colleagues often complained about her and how "scary" she was. She finally landed an ungrateful job but it was something; gutting fish in the early hours of the day. She smelled awful, slept through most of the day, but was able to pay for her room. And life threw her on the ground again. 

At 17, one morning, after work, she was walking home when she was  suddenly abducted. A man approached her and, of course, she was wary; a young girl walking alone, on the docks, in the early hours of morning... A scenario straight out of a cliché horror movie. She kept walking, thinking she was overreacting, her snakes on high alert and hissing. Suddenly the man dropped a wet sheet on her; he must have prepared his plan, the sheet was doused in chloroform. If he were to simply put it on her nose her snakes would have bite him everywhere, but the sheet was neutralizing the snakes, and not only her face but each snake was breathing the chloroform. Virginia fainted.

When she awoke, groggy, feeling dirty, and tied up, she knew; they didn't just watch her. She struggled to get in a better position, realizing the same sheet had been used to wrap her snakes and keep them enclosed. Her hands and feet were tightly tied together, but it was nothing her strength couldn't handle. She quickly broke them, freed her snakes, and inspected herself; bruised, raped, drugged, but alive. She picked herself up and went to the closest door. She could hear voices... and cries. She found kids, boys and girls, dirty and scared, some with bruised on their faces and limbs, most barely clothed, if clothed. All way younger than her, too young for whatever these men have done to them... to her. When she came in, some kids cried louder and Vi heard a booming voice behind her 

"WHAT ARE YOU WHINNING FOR AGAIN YOU FUCKIN BRATS?!"

She turned around and faced a man coming from an other room. Easily in his late 50, ugly, and fat. He looked at her, surprised "hey, you're the new one. How did you get free?" He walked toward her, clenching his fists. "Not important, you're too old for my taste but we still got work for you." The children started crying even more, Vi could hear more men voices approaching, she was in danger, the kids were in danger. Something in Virginia's head snapped. Her snakes started screaming to kill, she wanted to protect the kids, but that'd mean killing the men. Kill them. KILL!

From there, her memory is hazy. She remembered feeling powerful and unstoppable. She remembered the taste of blood in her mouth, the screams of men, and the sounds of children’s feet running away. She also remembered the police sirens, the hero's orders to surrender, but she didn't listen. She wanted to go away. Away from everyone, from everything! But then the dream ended. She got punched. Hard. And she fell.

When she awoke again she was in an isolated cell, with a muzzle on her face. She tried moving but her entire body was held in a straightjacket. She tried moving her snakes and realized each of their heads were inside little locks, rendering them useless. In jail. Her trial came quickly. She was declared a Villain on an account of intentionally killing 10+ adults, and destroying a government-owned building as well as resisting hero arrest. She never heard about the children, about the fact she was kidnapped, drugged, and raped... The sentenced was 8 years in prison. She did the first one in a juvenile prison and then transferred into a high security prison for Class-S villains. Virginia often jokes that these years were like school; she never made friends, kept to herself, and waited for time to pass. She was left alone, mainly because people knew what she was capable of. The muzzle was never removed except for lunch time, were she was under strict surveillance. The rare time she wasn't left alone she knew quickly how to assert her dominance. She was strong and ruthless and at one point was asked what was her villain name. "Vespinna." Slowly the other inmates learned to not mess with her.

8 years later she was finally let out. Her foster family had gone silent, no family, no friends... She was truly alone and without a place to go home to. So she walked. After a full day of walking she reached the other side of the city. She was tired, hungry, and night was coming. Frustrated, she slipped in an alleyway, away from the public eyes, and sat down against a wall. Bringing her knees against her torso, she wrapped her snakes around her and closed her eyes. She was alone...

Later that night she was awoken by a repeated poking on her leg. She unwrapped her snakes, ready to fend of anything that was responsible for the poking, and was faced with a homeless man. He was dirty, with at least 3 layers of clothes. Looking tired, with huge bags under his eyes, he looked to be in his fifties, his hair and beard greying under the dirt and dust. He smelled horrible and Virginia had a hard time not frowning her nose. "Hey kid, you're new here?" Virginia frowned, wary. "So what?" The man shrugged "Just wondering if it's a one night situation or if you gon' be there for longer." Virginia stood up, towering over the man "And what about it?" The man didn't seem impressed. "Listen, honey, I'm the one usually sleepin' here. Just wanna know if I'm in danger or if you're chill." Virginia relaxed a little. "it's... your alley?" The man turned away and walked toward a panel a wood, pushing it to reveal a cardboard box fort of some sort. In it was a dirty old mattress and several garbage bags of junk. "It's not *mine*, but it's where I'm left alone." Virginia watched him dig into one of the bags, pull out an old blanket and throw it to her. "Nights are fresh kiddo, bundle up." Virginia looked at the blanket, several stains of food were scattered on it and it had some holes here and there. "You're... not scared I’ll rob you?" "Rob me of what? I have nothing to my name except my life. And even that ain't much," said the man, sounding tired and crawling in his little hideout. "Plus you're the one with questions so far. I don't think I'm in danger," He chuckled while taking off his shoes. Virginia stepped closer "You... don't have any? I mean, questions? About me?" The man sighted as he got ready to sleep "Girl, I bet you're not here because you chose to. And neither am I. That's all we need to know about each other." On this he turned away and laid down. Virginia returned to her little corner and bundled in the blanket. It was smelly. "But again, so will I... soon," she though while looking at the man one last time before falling asleep.

From then one this alley was her "home". The man's name was Akira, he had lost his own home after a villain and a hero fought a little too roughly and destroyed it. He taught Virginia all she needed while homeless: the soup kitchen days, the shops that were chill about homeless digging in their trash, the shops that weren't... Strangely, Virginia felt more and more comfortable next to Akira. He shared food and fabrics with her without asking questions. He also presented her to the homeless community; the most strange but tight-knit community. Everyone was helping you, all that was asked of you was to help in return for those who couldn't get by as easily as you could. 

It's been 15 years, and she's the happiest she ever was. But not fully happy yet...

[iwriteforspencerreid]

white noise

Hey! This is my first fic on tumblr and for spencer Reid, I really hope you like it :)) xx addi :)

Warnings: angst, panic attacks, overstimulation (not the sexy kind), near death experiences, hurt/comfort. Some fluff

Summary: reader has a tough time coping with the last case the Bau worked on and has a panic attack in a dangerous space, spencer finds them and helps them. Some feelings get admitted and the end is mostly fluff. Gender neutral reader!

Everything felt distant as you sat looking out the window of the BAU jet. Your mind had been running nonstop the past 3 hours or so hyper-focusing on what you could’ve done better. if you hadn’t been 3 minutes too late. Nevermind the what if’s, you were exhausted and for the first time in the past few hours your mind had cut out. If you were any less tired you’d recognize the red flags but you didn’t and you only passively regarded the silence as something to be grateful for.

 Absentmindedly you scratched at your skin trying to rid yourself of the blood and dirt that was only imaginary at this point. When you work with serial killers and murderers all day every day you start to recognize the feeling of someones eyes on you, even out of it you could feel the curious gaze Spencer had locked onto you. You probably looked like a mess but then again you couldn’t find it in you to care. Everything felt dull and hazy; you were just so tired. 

You were too out of it to notice that the jet had landed and there was blood all over your hand now, you had scratched your arm too much for too long that it started to bleed. You hadn’t noticed. Someone’s hand touched your shoulder and you flinched violently away from the touch. Looking back you saw a startled Spencer reach out to you again. As if on autopilot you muttered an excuse and fled the jet ducking your head and walking as far away from Spencer’s far too curious eyes. 

The next hour went by much the same. You were so dissociated and exhausted to even bother keeping track of the amount of time it took to get back to the bullpen. You hardly even registered when Emily called out to you.

“Hey y/n, you still up for the get together at Rossi’s later?” Dazedly you muttered some form of agreement not processing what you were agreeing to but you’d do anything to get them to stop looking at you. For you to be able to leave and scrape the imaginary blood off of you. Emily then went on to list a time for everyone to meet at. 8 something or other, you hardly cared. Your skin burned with the feeling of someone’s eyes on you again. You didn’t have to turn to find out it was Spencer’s, he hadn’t stopped looking at you all day and you hated the intensity of it all. you hated how much it made you want to shrivel up and hide for the next 50 years.

Leaving the bullpen felt like an eternity, you were finally getting on the elevator when a hand caught the doors and Dr. Spencer Reid followed inside, you resisted the urge to scream because you honestly had no problem with Spence. The complete opposite really. Any other day you’d rejoice in noticing his eyes on you all day or even catching his attention, since you’ve had a crush on him for the past couple of years. However, today you were just so not up to speaking or existing anywhere near anyone. It was one of those days where you were so emotionally drained that you wanted to blend into the wall like some sort of chameleon. It was almost as if anyone even glancing at you made your skin crawl and made you want to cry but you were so exhausted and dazed that you honestly doubted if you even could.

“Hey y/n, I noticed the whole thing on the plane and you’re blink rate has been off for the past few hours. Considering what happened today surely had some sort of affect on you and I was wondering if you wanted to talk-“

“Spence” you winced at the way your voice sounded. There wasn’t anything wrong with it per say just today speaking honestly felt like nails on a chalkboard. “I really appreciate the concern but I’m absolutely fine.” You almost felt bad with the way your tone dripped in sarcastic acidity. You were never this scathingly dismissive and the kicked puppy look on Spencer’s face made you feel instantly bad but as soon as the doors to elevator opened you bolted. You’d apologize to Spencer later, when talking wasn’t so godamn hard.

The ride home was a blur and you were honestly confused on how you didn’t get into some sort of accident since you couldn’t even remember driving all the way home but you weren’t one for looking a gifthorse in the mouth and instead rushed inside. The closer you got to your apartment the more your skin itched and burned, even the movement of clothes on your body felt like a million tiny needles. Finally unlocking the door you didn’t even wait to lock the door before you were tearing the clothes off your skin. The cold air of the apartment doing a small part of soothing the imaginary flames dancing all over you but when you looked down all you could see was blood.

It was everywhere and it made your stomach churn with naseua. Stumbling your way into your bathroom you reached for the knob in the tub, desperate to wash the blood off and forget. All you could hear was the gunshots and sirens. You could still feel the way her body went limp, how much heavier it was. It was as if the stench of blood and death was forever engrained in your head and you couldn’t stop yourself. Remembering how panicky your voice was telling her to breathe to just breathe that it was all okay that she would get help but it was a lie. So much of a lie. You remembered having to be carried out of there and halfway through the ride to the police station you had to get out of the car to dry heave up your dinner onto the side of a highway.

You remembered Spencer, oh god did you remember Spencer. He was the only one who kept by your side the entire time. Rubbing small circles on your lower back as you vomited, or how his muttering of reassurances cut through the fog that clouded your mind. You tried to remember what he said to hold on but for some reason it kept slipping from your reach. It was as if you were back in that warehouse in Arizona. The heat amplifying the stench of blood and death and for some reason you were screaming, you couldn’t remember why though, why were you back there, what were you screaming for, Anna? Anna was dead, she died there but that was so long ago, wasn’t it? Why did it still smell like that? Why were you yelling?

Everything went dark.

You heard beeping, what was beeping? It smelled like disenfectant and white. The room was dark though or maybe it was cause your eyes where closed. Where you dreaming? No there was a hand in yours, felt kinda like Spencer’s. But why would Spencer be holding your hand? You were in your apartment last you remembered, but your apartment didn’t smell like this. What was going on? you should probably open your eyes, right. They were so heavy though and the person holding your hand was humming Mozart, they had a nice voice, it was like Spencer’s. Spencer had a nice voice.

You finally managed to lift your eyelids. Waiting for your eyes to adjust you tried to move your fingers, they were really stiff though. Your throat was dry and your tongue felt like a hundred pounds so you didn’t even try to speak. Blinking a few times you managed to see the room you were in. Definitely a hospital, but why were you in a hospital? What happened? You were so confused but the soft humming of Mozart’s Piano Sonata was soothing and kept you from panicking. Turning your head you saw Spencer sitting in a chair next to you, a copy of Dante’s Inferno in his one hand and yours in his other. He hadn’t noticed you yet and you took that moment to observe him, his hair was messier than normal, as if he had been doing the thing he does when he’s stressed where he runs his hands through his hair multiple times within the hour. His eyes were dark and he obviously hadn’t slept but he was still so beautiful. His jaw was as prominent as ever and his lips were drawn into his mouth unconsciously. You wanted to trace the furrow in his brow till it smoothed out and went away but you couldnt lift your arm. You settled for tracing his features with your eyes instead. He’s always been so gorgeous you could never understand it, the way he could look so tired and stressed but still manage to look perfect. He was perfect.

The moment he saw you his eyes simultaneously darkened and lightened, as if he was happy to see you but worried at the same time. You were too caught up in how expressive and pretty his eyes were to hear what he had said though. You blinked a few times and he finally got the message and handed you the water sitting on a tray to the side. Taking many grateful sips you sighed in relief as he put it down.

“Hey” he muttered softly, you couldn’t help but notice he was still holding your hand, his thumb moving in swipes across your knuckles.

“Hey” you replied equally as soft, “what, what happened?” You watched as his brow furrowed more and he looked at you with concern and something else you couldn’t quite tell.

“I’ll uh, let me alert the doctor first, then we can talk about it ok? The rest of the team wants to see you when your up for it aswell, they wouldn’t let more than one person in the room.” You nodded your head as best you could and watched as he walked out into the hallway. His hands moved as he spoke presumably to the nurse behind the desk. “God, did you love him.” You had thought, it was odd for that was the first time you truly acknowledged your feelings for the lanky doctor, however it wasn’t as surprising as you had thought it would be, you had known it for some time and being in love with the doctor felt so natural. It wasn’t as scary as it had been with your previous partners, this felt safe and warm.

You were so caught up in your thoughts that you didn’t notice when the young man returned to your side. He gave you another one of those looks the one mixed with concern and...care? You still couldn’t quite place it but it made your stomach churn with something akin to butterflies.

“Hey,” you giggled reaching up and tucking the one stray curl behind his ear, it took some effort but touching him was worth it. “Whatcha thinking about up there?” You asked tapping his temple softly. You saw his expression melt and if you weren’t so unsure of yourself you’d say it was almost affectionate.

“How-“ he paused licking his lips and shifting into a more serious posture “how much do you remember of last night?” You paused to think about it trying to recount the events in your head yet there were serveral lapses in your memory.

“Uh, not a lot, I remember being really overwhelmed and uh, I went to take a bath and thats it.” His brow furrowed and he looked at you, but it was one of his more inquisitive looks, one that screamed he was trying to figure you out.

“Don’t profile me, Doc, just tell me what happened” His expression softened somewhat as he continued to gaze at you, you noticed that his hold onto you was gentle as if you were more fragile than other things. You tightened your grip on his hand as reassurance that you were there and you wouldn’t shatter in his hold.

“You didn’t show up to Rossi’s like you said you would and I was already really concerned about your behavior. It just didn’t sit right with me and I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong, so I went to check on you. When I got to your place you hadn’t answered your phone or the door and when I tried to open it it was unlocked. I heard water running in the bathroom and thought that maybe you were just busy in the bathroom and you forgot but,” he paused his expression darkening to something akin to sadness. “When I got closer there was water leaking into the hallway through the door and that’s when I opened the door.” He shifted again not meeting my eyes. “You were unconscious in the tub for almost 4 hours. The water was so hot it caused burns all over your body and you passed out from the heat. There were signs of some sort of panic attack and you had been clawing at your skin till it opened and bled. The heat of the water cauterized the cuts but it wasn’t pretty.” You let out a soft “oh” before realizing how much this affected the doctor and you felt the need to comfort him.

“Thank you,” his head lifted in surprise and you saw he was going to interject but you cut him off.

“I don’t know why but for some reason the last case hit me pretty hard, you were the only one who noticed and stuck by my side the whole time. I could’ve died if I was in there for longer, both you and I know that. So thank you. You saved me and now I’m ok, Doc. I can’t promise I won’t have some scary moments like that again, it comes with the job but you saved me and I can trust you’ll always be there too. I’m ok and I’m alive and I’m here, Spence. You dont have to worry about me, love. I’m here.” He just swallowed and nodded his head. All of a sudden he surged forward and hugged you.

“I was so scared” he muttered into your hair. And all you did was hold him and whisper reassurances to him.

“I’m here love, I’m here.” He pulled away after a minute or two but not completely. He rested his forehead to yours and looked at you with such affection and love in his eyes it stunned you. You noticed his gaze lower to your lips and meet your eyes once again. You were still frozen with unsurity, almost positive that this was all a dream and you were back in your bathroom dead or something because there was no way that The Spencer Reid loved you back. He must’ve noticed your apprehension and spoke in such a soft tone as if he were scared that this wasn’t real either, that the air between us was going to shatter if he spoke to loud.

“I- I can’t almost lose you again. Y/n, i need you to know this, you might not reciprocate but seeing you like that scared me so bad and all I could think about was that I should’ve told you. I love you. I love you so much and I have ever since 4 months ago when you told me that Star Wars was better than star track for the sole reason that the Ewoks were the cutest things you had ever seen.” You couldn’t help the grin that stretched across your face at his small soliloquy.

“I win” you whispered back to his confusion you added “I’ve loved you for 7 months now ever since you read me kafka on the way home from a case in Tennessee.” To which he smiled and kissed you.

And it was perfect.

[doctorgerth]

Prompt Winner #5

Winner: @cthulhuwithtea

Prompt: Kissing Type - Throwing their arms around the other person, holding them close while they kiss

Description: Crocodile returns home to his lover after breaking out of Impel Down

Rating: 50% angst, 50% fluff

Warnings: angsty; mild cursing

Note: Winner requested gender-neutral s/o. I also went a lil overboard with the angst...but I hope you like it ❤️

Coming Home to You (Sir Crocodile)

Prompt Story 

(Word Count: 3394)

"What now, sir?"

Crocodile's eyes averted towards his partner's apathetic features. Daz knew full well what his boss's next plan was, yet he remained hesitant while he took a drag on his cigar. It wasn't as if he needed permission, but perhaps Crocodile was unsure if his desired destination was truly acceptable after all this time.

Had they missed him? Would they recognize him? Was (Name) even still waiting for him?

Those questions replayed over and over in his mind while he had laid to waste in his cold, empty cell. His determination to see them again was what kept him alive and thriving, but he'd be lying if he said his mind didn't trail off to the more somber, unavoidable questions while he attempted sleep. There were times when he pondered if it were better that way, Crocodile atoning for his sins while his lover escaped away, happy and finally safe. Perhaps it was the life they both truly deserved.

But Crocodile was a selfish man, and he knew life would never be livable without them by his side, so he took the self-serving path.

Though that idiot Strawhat was the reason he got into prison in the first place, Crocodile would have to thank him later. Because of Strawhat's prison break in, and Crocodile's ultimate break out, life seemed to offer the lonely Crocodile a second chance. Redemption was in the cards for him, and he knew full well to seize the opportunity while it revealed itself. He had done many wrong things in his life, but nothing more vile as leaving the one person who loved him through his good and bad days behind. He'd never fully forgive himself for pondering such weak, depressing thoughts while away, debating with himself over and over again if his lover was better off without him. Crocodile would never atone, but there was one person who might forgive him, and that's all that mattered.

"Let's go home." Crocodile muttered with a long, dramatic exhale of smoke.

Home wasn't Rainbase anymore, of course. Home would never be Alabasta again. But that didn't matter much to him, as home was now a remote island just outside of the Grand Line where his lover waited for his return. Hopefully, Crocodile thought to himself solemnly.

Daz could see the melancholic look in his captain's eyes, though Crocodile tried his best to remain ever stoic. Daz also knew his captain wasn't one for sentiment or heartwarming talks, but that didn't stop him from offering his boss and ultimately friend a reassuring statement, "They'll be there, Sir. (Name) will be happy to see you again."

Crocodile's teeth instinctively clamped down tighter onto his cigar as he winced, fingers shaking as they clawed tiny dents into the wooden railing. His throat was dry, clenched so tightly from the overflow of emotions that there was no physical way a response could escape, but Daz had sauntered off to leave his captain to his own devices. For the first time in months, Crocodile broke down, his facade shattering like glass as he looked out to the open sea, salty tears rolling leisurely down his cheeks.

He despised weakness, but in the moment, above all else, that's all he could feel. Weak for remaining in those horrid cages for so long, weak for practically giving up time and time again, weak for ever doubting that his lover would wait for him, and weak for crying on the goddamn ship for everyone to see. The flux of emotions was beginning to make him physically ill, so he remained in his cabin for most of the trip.

It was midday by the time Crocodile and the remains of his crew arrived at the island. He had been waiting for this day for so long, yet his legs buckled at the stairway leading from the ship to the sands of the beach. Everyone disembarked, while their boss remained on deck. Daz opened his mouth to question, but Crocodile was quick to snap, "Just sea legs."

With heavy steps, he descended the walkway, legs threatening to collapse under him as he got closer and closer to the shore. Why was he so scared? He couldn't explain his previously rapidly beating heart as the ship grew nearer to his destination. And it only hastened as he walked along the island, the familiar quaint town waiting for him just below the hills.

He wracked his brain as the group made way to the town, wondering why he felt on the verge of vomiting his guts out. He had been so worried that his lover was no longer there, but now what worried him most was what he would say to them if they actually were there. How could he ever tell them that he was terrified of seeing them again after all this time? How could he tell them that in the cold lonely nights away he thought about life without them, and how they were perhaps better off without each other? Would they even want to hear anything he had to say?

His thoughts were cut short as they arrived at the entrance gate. He could feel Daz's burning stare in his side, "Daz, take everyone into town to get supplies."

For a moment, Daz wanted to protest. He wanted to be there for his boss while he went to find (Name), to offer support for his friend. But the way his captain ordered him so sternly, he knew it was best to leave him. So he made no complaints when he herded the group towards the lively town.

Crocodile inhaled sharply as his foot passed the gate line, as if he was passing over into a treacherous realm, one he couldn't escape from. He knew he could easily run away from this situation, however, and at times he desperately wanted to, but his body seemed to be pulled magnetically towards the direction of the safe house. The house where his lover resided during his absence; where his lover still hopefully remained.

The decrepit mansion stood tall on the top of the valley, though bigger as it was compared to the smaller village homes, it's chipped roofing and rotting walls made it quite the eyesore in comparison. It was merely a safe house after all, just a means for protection, not for luxury. He scoffed to himself, ashamed to throw his lover into something so horrendous, but he needed to protect them, he needed to ensure their safety while he went to prison. In the midst of all the chaos, this was the best he could come up with.

He had promised (Name) that when he returned he would take them away to build a new life for the two of them, something even more grandiose. His lover would never have to lift another finger if he had anything to say about it. It was his job to take care of them anyway, and he'd make sure they got the luxurious life they so desired and deserved. But he was empty at the moment, his clothes reeked of dirty prison cells and there was currently not a single beri to his name. He had a ship, a few crewmen, and Daz. Would that be enough?

Crocodile reached the door of the safe house and for a few minutes he simply stared at the wood, studying the few tears and scratches that embellished the frame of it. He raised his hook to knock on the door, surely signifying to his lover that it was him knocking. The heavy sound of metal against wood rang in his ears like a distant bomb detonation; loud, with a powerfully haunting echo.

There was no response, no padding of footsteps running to the door, no welcoming "Who is it?", nothing. The only thing the house offered was an eerie silence, the mansion seemingly as empty as he was. He knocked again, and again, and again, waiting to hear some kind of lively response. He grew more anxious by the second, only increasing his anger and disappointment in return, to the point his hook rammed through the door, tearing it apart as he forced his way into the mansion in a fit of rage. His blurred eyes scanned the room for a sign of life, but the cobwebs and tattered furniture only offered him desolation.

"(Name)..." He whispered into the empty air while the heavy amounts of dust began to clog his throat. He focused his ears on any hints of movement, perhaps this was all a silly trick and (Name) was hiding to surprise him. The lack of response was beginning to be a bit forlorn, however.

"(Name)!" small creaks of the old floorboards called back to him in echoes.

They weren't here waiting for him after all. He was an absolute fool to think they, someone, anyone would ever wait for his return; how could he let himself thrive off false hope? But maybe, just maybe, he had arrived too soon. Perhaps (Name) was in town and would return home soon. His feet almost raced towards the door, but he decided it was for the better that he awaited their return.

Crocodile sat along the tattered love seat, coughing a bit at the cloud of dust that arose in consequence. His heart raced at the idea of (Name) returning home to see him, and he perked up at every small noise heard outside the house, like a puppy waiting for its owner to return. However, with each passing second and each false alarm, he only grew more irritable. The sun was beginning to set behind the hills, causing the valley to illuminate in twilight. They should be home now - it's too dangerous to be out this late! His patience wore thin sooner than he had imagined and in a moment of defeat, grief, and weakness, his large hook broke and tore into every object imaginable in the room. Pages of old books, cotton from broken furniture, and chipped wood from those damned creaky floorboards flew and littered the room in disarray. Crocodile's lungs heaved as he screamed with each wear and tear, letting loose all of his frustrations on that revolting, cursed mansion.

His lover probably abandoned that shit hole the moment they had the chance. He couldn't blame them, but they were supposed to wait for him! How could they not believe in him? Did they really think he would never return? Perhaps this was karma for his own dark thoughts, for the times he didn't believe in himself.

In the midst of his chaotic disposal, someone entered the door way in shock, watching the beast tear into it the floors. The surprised gasp coming from the body caused Crocodile to turn in surprise, laced with a slight hope.

To his dismay, it wasn't (Name) and he should've known better, "Get out!" He couldn't help  but bellow at the odd man. If he couldn't see his lover he quite honestly didn't want to see anyone else, especially in such a wretched state.

"I was going to say it's about time someone destroyed this dump." He meekly responded.

Putting two and two together, Crocodile realized this must be a neighbor, there was a house nearby after all. He took in a steady breath, straightening his loose, maniacal hair back into its greased slick back style. With purposeful steps, Crocodile approached the man, watching with slight amusement as he visibly gulped at the large monster approaching his frail figure.

In one swift motion, the neighbor's neck was constricted tightly between Crocodile's large fingers, and slammed against what was left of the wall.

"Where's (Name)?" He questioned plainly, eyebrows relaxing for the first time in days.

"W-what are you doing!" The man choked in response as his sharp nails clawed desperately into Crocodile's flesh; he could feel the life draining from his body ever so slowly.

"Don't make me ask again, fool." He spat through gritted teeth, the familiar anger and desire to kill returning once again.

"(Name) doesn't live h-here anymore..." He coughed, on the brink of life and death as stars danced in his eyes, "They're in a better place..."

Crocodile wanted to snap his neck for spouting such lies, but instead, all strength left his body as he dropped the man onto his knees, Crocodile collapsing onto his own. Once the man got his breath back, he ran for it, but Crocodile could care less. In a better place? There was no way...

"Boss!"

The faint call of his name sounded like distant waves lulling him to exhaustion. He had spent so much energy, so much time getting back, only to find out that his lover had passed. He didn't even get a proper goodbye, how could they just abandon him like that? Fleeing town was way better than dying.

"Up the hills, Sir! Go!"

Coherent sentences were jumbling in his brain like puzzles. He tried to decipher, formulate the sentences, but nothing was possible with his mind racing so hastily. Dead, they're dead.

A familiar hand reached down to pull the shaken Crocodile to his feet. Crocodile's eyes averted lazily towards his partner's ever apathetic features, "They're waiting for you. Stop wasting time."

Next thing he knew, Crocodile was running for the trees, his heavy legs carrying him up rough hills until he reached the top. The bright orange of the setting sun made his eyes squint, watering at the sudden bright light. He looked up to see a figure at the edge of the cliff, looking off into the vast ocean. It was a figure he knew all too well. Even though distance tried to disorient his memories, he would always remember the way (Name) looked.

Their pure white clothes danced in the ocean winds, hair glistening under the sun. They looked like an absolute angel in this moment, and he almost believed their death to be true. How was it possible for a mere human to look so perfect?

Their head turned to his figure, visibly caught by surprise at first as a hand reached up to their gaping mouth. Crocodile's legs stiffened under him, terrified of their next move, but his arms seemed to instinctively open up for their embrace, just like old times.

To both of their surprise, his lover's bare feet ran towards him like their life depended on it. They ran to Crocodile, and he couldn't stop himself from jogging a little to meet them halfway. They leapt into him, arms thrown around his neck and legs wrapping around his waist while his body consumed their entire being. Their lips found each other in haste, moving in desperate motions to ensure this moment was truly happening. Both pairs of cheeks were soaked from the sloppy kisses, but also from the joyfully sad tears flowing from their eyes.

Crocodile's hands held their head in place while also supporting their weight against him. He was terrified of letting go, worried they would disappear from him the second he moved. There was no physical way their bodies could be any closer, but they remained desperately pulling into each other, begging to feel each other's presence more and more. (Name)'s hands  gripped either side of his head, rubbing comforting circles with each swipe of their lips against his.

The pair pulled away, lungs screaming for air from their ceaseless passions. (Name) looked as beautiful as ever with joyous tears brimming their eyes and their quivering lips aching to dance with his again. Crocodile could hardly believe this moment, and all the other depressing moments seemed to disappear as nothing mattered except having his lover right there.

"I knew you'd come back for me." They whispered, delicately placing another kiss along his lips.

What a fool he was to ever doubt otherwise, "I'll never leave you again, my love."

Tears crept down their cheeks while Crocodile kissed them away, ultimately leading his soaked lips to their own once more, securing his promise to them. Their body drifted away from his own, steadying themselves on solid ground, and Crocodile frowned a bit at the loss of contact. They were quick to grab his hands however, generating a small sigh of contentment from him as they played at his rings like they used to.

His lover looked out to the sea with a smile on their face, no longer one of longing, but one of fulfillment. Crocodile mirrored them, looking out to the disappearing sun against the ocean.

"The sea always made me think of you. I'd come up here so often while you were away, staring out, counting ships, praying that one of them would be yours."

His hand tightened around theirs in sorrow; a silent apology. Words couldn't even begin to express his regret.

"The sound of waves crashing against the rocks made me think of all our times on your ship, so I decided to just relocate up here. I wanted to stay by something that made me think of you every day, because I..." their throat tightened, regretful to utter their next words, "I was scared that I would eventually forget."

They looked up to him with sorrowful eyes, worried that what they were saying would upset him or make him doubt their love. He didn't respond which only made (Name) all the more anxious.

"I-I didn't know how long you'd be gone, and so I wanted to be reminded of you every day, and I know I should have stayed in that safe house but I hated it! It was so big, but without you it just felt so empty, and I'm sorry I didn't take care of it and I'm sorry I was worried about forgetting you and I'm sorry for being so we-"

Crocodile pulled his hysterical lover into his body once again, the lingering scent of his cologne and the familiar warmth of his coat brought their mind to ease.

"You don't need to apologize. I'm just so glad you're safe. I'm so glad you're still here..." He whispered those last words almost inaudibly, scared to confess his own weakness. His hands pet at their head lovingly. They retreated to look up at him and he cupped their face in response.

"So, you're not mad?" They sniffled.

"What's there to be mad about?" He offered a lop-sided smile. All worries and fears had left his body the moment he laid eyes on them, "I have you now. That's all I care about."

They nodded lightly as a small grin graced their lips. Their head buried into his chest while their arms squeezed around his body, "I really hated that safehouse."

A small chuckle reverberated in his chest, causing a giggle to escape their own body, "Well, I might have redecorated a bit. Perhaps pissed off your neighbor as well."

That was a story they were looking forward to hearing, but it'd have to wait, "Wanna see the new place? It's smaller, but hey, no neighbors." They smiled slyly at him, dragging his hand towards the small home Crocodile had somehow missed all this time. It resembled the village homes he had passed by earlier.

"You built this yourself?" He questioned a bit incredulously, but he was proud nevertheless. Old (Name) was too pristine to be a home builder. He admired their new found strength and creativity.

"With the help of some village folk of course." They responded confidently, leading him into the home.

The home was like a shack, tinier than anything he was ever used to. It was a bit dingy, but at least there was no dust or ripped furniture.

"Thank you." They muttered, breaking him from his thoughts. He offered them a confused look for a second before they responded, "For staying alive. For breaking out and persevering. Thank you for coming home to me..."

With the hand they were still holding, he pulled his lover to him once again, hands reaching to touch their face, "I should be thanking you," he whispered, stroking their hair between the pads of his fingertips, "You were what kept me alive after all."

(Name) leaned instinctively into his touch, loving the way his hand felt against their skin. They knew the absence wasn't easy for themselves, so surely it wasn't easy for him either, and they were thankful for his endless love.

"So, do you like it? It's not a casino or a big mansion or anything but..." They whispered up at him. Crocodile didn't even have to look around to know; home was wherever (Name) was, so that's where he would stay. He looked down at his lover who eagerly awaited his response, "It's perfect, my love."

[project-stormblessed]

1-50

Alrighty!

1. What color are your socks?

All of my socks are either completely black or black and gray. Lol.

2. Have you ever lied about your age? Why?

Only once when I was like, 12 or 13 making a second Youtube account lol.

3. What is something you regret in the past month?

Becoming distant and isolating myself from most of my friends. Quarantine has not been good for my mental health tbh.

4. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Honestly? Not sure. Part of me doesn’t, and part of me does. Can’t really get either part to agree one way or the other.

5. When was the last time you wrote someone a letter on paper? Definitely well over a decade ago. Honestly can’t remember.

6. How old were you when you first learned how to ride a bike? Who taught you?

I was 11 or 12, and it was my older brother Jack who taught me. He also taught me how to drive lol.

7. Do you get along with your parents? Why or why not?

We get along well enough. Now that they’re retired the house is a much calmer environment.

8. What’s your favorite season?

Spring. I love seeing everything in bloom—the colors are very pleasing to me. I love seeing lots of green, and lots of lush plantlife.

9. Do you currently like someone?

Hmm, not entirely sure about that one. I guess I don’t really have any strong feelings for anyone in particular. Maybe. 👀👀

10. Have you ever used an Ouija board?

Nope, and I don’t plan on it.

11. What’s the last song you sang?

It was a song for choir this past semester, though I don’t remember the title that well or the composer.

12. What’s your favorite scent?

Never really had a favorite scent, honestly. My sense of smell has been pretty dull/weak for as long as I can remember and I’ve never really given much thought to any favorite scent.

13. What’s your favorite urban legend?

The Roswell UFO incident of 1947. It sparked my interest in aliens and UFOs at a very young age, and is probably responsible for a good deal of my love for sci-fi.

14. What’s a bad habit that you have?

Poor self control when it comes to time management. I tend to let myself get absorbed in things.

15. What’s a strange habit that you have?

Hmm. Totally blanked and could only come up with “making noises and pretending to be a mech of some sort when moving around my house”. That’s all I got.

16. What’s the first instrument you learned to play?

Piano. I started learning at 8 years old.

17. How would you describe your ‘type’?

Y’know funny enough I’ve never really thought I had a type. However reaching my mid-twenties has made me realize that my ‘type’ is kind, compassionate, goofy, and nerdy/geeky.

18. Would you rather stay in or go out?

Depends on the company, I guess. Though, usually I prefer to stay in anyway.

19. What was the last thing you said to your mom?

“I’m taking Dax out.” When I went for a walk with my dog lol.

20. Do you want to get married someday?

Definitely didn’t used to. I’m at the point where I’d be down if my partner wanted to, though I’m not sure I’d wanna spend a shitload of money on a wedding. Guess it depends on financial status at the time and the preferences of my partner.

21. Have you ever snuck out?

Nah, though I never needed to. My parents typically let me leave house whenever I wanted to as long as I told them who I’m with and when-ish I’m going to be home.

22. Can you sing well?

I can match pitch pretty well, but I can’t produce pitch un-aided. Usually. So kinda. I’m ok at best, all things considered.

23. What’s an embarrassing thing that happened this week?

I went off on some of my friends over something kinda silly because my mental state as of late hasn’t been all that great.

24. When was the last time you went sledding?

Uhhh, definitely more than ten years ago.

25. Have you ever liked/do you like someone you know you can never be with?

You kidding me? That’s like, all of my crushes ever. Maybe that’s an exaggeration but honestly it’s certainly FELT that way each time.

26. Do people often mispronounce your name?

No, though I have known a few people throughout my life that said “Bin” rather than “Ben”. I eventually realised it was an accent thing and stopped giving a shit very early.

27. Would you like to live in another country?

Yes, actually. For no small number of reasons. I’ve always wanted to live in Italy ever since I visited when I was 15.

28. Do you like to watch ghost hunting shows?

I definitely used to. I don’t really watch tv much in general anymore, though.

29. Who was the last person you said “I love you” too?

My mom.

30. What’s something you’d like to be better at?

Social interaction. Speaking in general. I’m MUCH more articulate in writing/typing than I am speaking.

31. Have you ever stayed up with someone who was sad?

Yes, and I’m always willing to do so.

32. What was the last thing you cooked?

I helped my good friend prepare some bomb ass ramen a few months back. I guess that counts.

33. Do you think you’d make a good parent?

I’d like to think so, yeah. I would make sure my children know I’m always there for them and will support the hell out of them.

34. Do you have trouble sleeping at night?

I don’t, but my dipshit body does.

35. Where is your best friend right now?

All of them are either playing video games or asleep.

36. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

Factoring in every aspect of the morning ritual, about 40 minutes. That’s if I’m going somewhere like work or school. If I’m staying home then there’s no getting ready for anything but sitting on my ass lol.

37. How late do you usually stay up at night?

Depends on the time of year/what I’m doing the next day. Right now during quarantine I average anywhere between 2am and 6am. I’m trying to fix that currently.

38. When was the last time you cried and why?

The last time I truly cried was sometime in 2015. I was listening to Breaking Benjamin’s latest album and feeling exceedingly lonely/depressed. It wasn’t a great day.

39. Have you ever won a contest?

None that I can remember, honestly.

40. Can you draw well?

Lol. No. I have very little visual artistic talent or skill.

41. Would you ever date someone you met on tumblr/the internet?

Definitely, though obviously I wouldn’t just jump right in. I’m down for long distance relationships, too. But obviously mutual trust and emotional connection would have to be established first.

42. What was the last thing you ate?

Some brownie fudge M&Ms lol.

43. Do you think you’re/you’d make a good boyfriend?

I don’t really know. Never been in a relationship so I don’t have anything go off of. On the one hand I’m super understanding, laid back, and accepting of boundaries. I just want to make sure people feel comfortable and safe around me. On the other hand I’m also forgetful and very selfish when it comes to my time. I also obviously have plenty of emotional trauma/baggage (who doesn’t?) that tends to impede how I interact with people, so. 🤷🏼‍♂️

44. Have you ever had a near death experience?

Not that I can remember, and I hope I never do. The closest I think I ever came was when I fell off a ropeless bridge into a dry riverbed at 4 years old. Got a concussion from that.

45. What do you think people think of you?

Well, my anxiety tells me I’m annoying and boring. The logical side of me tells me most people in my life enjoy my company, so I guess there’s that.

46. What is your middle name and do you like it?

Don’t feel like sharing my middle name here, but I will say I don’t dislike it. Kinda neutral.

47. Are you close with either of your parents?

Kinda. My parents were often emotionally distant/abusive to my brothers and me growing up, and it’s left me rather stunted emotionally, and generally unwilling to establish a deeper relationship with them. We’re a bit closer than we were when I was a teenager, but honestly not much.

48. Do you like yourself?

Generally speaking? No. There are parts of me I’m proud of, but honestly I often find myself wishing I was someone else. I’m far from the self-loathing I experienced when I was younger, though.

49. State five facts about your appearance—

1. I’m 6’1”-ish.

2. Definitely just a bit chubby.

3. Blue eyes.

4. Currently sporting longer hair because I haven’t had a haircut since about September.

5. I have a number of faded scars on my arms from various self inflicted/work related injuries. All of them were caused by extreme clumsiness/poor spacial awareness.

50. State five facts about your personality—

1. I’m super goofy—I make lots of weird noises and motions.

2. I tend to ramble about things I’m interested in, particularly hyper fixations.

3. I like to think I’m a pretty compassionate human being.

4. Extremely awkward, but strangely that doesn’t show because I’m apparently a social chameleon.

5. I’m an observer, but also an overthinker.

Whew, that was a lot! Thank you, friend!

[notmyrick]

General Arc 3

/She had a Rick once, but she also had a Diane. Then she had a Beth. / Roxanne came back from a small business trip cross country and was in front of the house in Michigan. It's been only 3 months and she opened the door to the one-story house. As soon as she opened it a little blonde tornado came running at her screaming her name. She jovially picked her up and spun her around before placing her back down. "Missed me I see." She smiled at the child. Beth nodded and dragged her to the living room to show her what she was reading. The redhead nodded her head as the child rehashed the entire child's book to her. "You're welcome." A male voice said as he dropped her luggage on the floor of the living room. She looked a Beth and said," Truly, poor service, when did we hire this rude butler of ours?" Beth giggled as she ran up to her father and asked politely to take her luggage to her room. Rick glared at Roxx as he couldn't refuse his daughter and lugged the rectangular storage to her room. She high fived Beth in the process. Diane came out and smiled at both. Roxx got up and hugged Diane, before asking about her day. At dinner she dropped the figurative bomb on them. "We're moving to Washington." After a heated discussion when Beth was asleep, they (mostly Diane) caved in, and they were off to Washington with a two story house in the suburbs. /She had a Rick once, but she also had a Diane. Then she had a Beth. / The transition was smooth and to be honest, the relationship between the three was at an all-time high, until Roxx got busy with work again. Although Beth didn't witness her biological parents fighting, she still suspected something wrong. When Roxx was gone for relatively long periods of time, Beth would notice some tension between her parents, but couldn't figure out why. The redhead herself was tired. After a long day at work, or after a company trip, or some government bullshit she somehow got tangled into, she would come home with a 50/50 chance at either coming home to a loving family or be a mediator between Rick and Diane. In addition, she tried to distract Beth as much as possible from her parent’s arguments. Typically they try to do it when she's asleep, but some arguments were spilled over to the next day, god forbid the rest of the week. It was one of those arguments that bled to the next day when Roxx finally got a day off. She was tired but could hear the angry whispers of the two in the adjacent room. She got up and dragged Beth away from the house informing the two of them of their departure. She refused to play mediator today and decided to be the fun-loving aunt for Beth. Rick and Diane can have a brawl at the house as she distracts Beth. "Why do mommy and daddy always fight?" She asked. The redhead sighed, this child was either perceptive as hell or Diane and Rick suck at hiding their arguments around her. "People in general fight over disagreements, big or small. This is common, unhealthy, but common. It will be fine; your parents love each other. They can sort things out." She replied. "They don't fight as much when your around though? I mean maybe in the beginning, but in a few days, everything is fine, and we are one big happy family again!" The older woman didn’t give her a reply. She knew Beth was smart enough to understand her own words. "Where are we going?" the child asked. "Visiting some friends." She took Beth to a hospital dedicated to army vets. Due to her political, government bullshit, she invested into a hospital for Veterans for whatever reason. She watched as Beth filtered through the vets making each one smile a bit brighter. "And this limb right here, your aunt gave me!" "No way! How? Did she grow a leg for you like a lizard! I learned from my dad  that a lizard can grow its tail back when it's cut off!" The army vet laughed and told Beth multiple stories how Roxx and her "friends" helped each person in this hospital. Roxx rolled her eyes, she just threw money at morally ethical geniuses. They weren't her friends, but employees. However, she can still see the joy and happiness all these vets feel toward her and the staff here. She brought Beth along so she can be in a happy and carefree environment. "I've decided! I want to become a surgeon so I can help just like my aunt!" Beth proclaimed. Roxx smiled walked up to Beth and gave her a hug, not letting her out of her arms even as they walked home. /She had a Rick once, but she also had a Diane. Then she had a Beth. / The fights got worse and Roxx was tired of playing mediator. The long business trips she dreaded became her savior from coming back home to another argument between Rick and Diane. She only came home to spend time with Beth as a momentary distraction for the both. Rick and Diane started yelling at her to stay out of their arguments or start blaming her for not meditating between them. She got so many mixed signals that it caused her to break down more than once in her office. She spent more time with Beth at the hospital because that seemed to be their safe haven. Beth's interest to become a surgeon grew and she grew rapidly smart under her colleagues. Since they have been spending more and more time at the hospital, Roxx also got interested in the medical field and learned from them as well and befriended some the of nurses and doctors. One night got particularly bad at home. It was late night and Beth was asleep. All three were in the living room with a dim light casted over them. As usual, Rick and Diane where whisper arguing while Roxx tried to diffuse the situation with a different tactic other than booze. "You are never home anymore, you're always drunk, and when you do come home it's in the early hours in the morning!" "Where I go, what I do, it's my business! You're not my guardian, you are my wife, and I don't need to tell you what I am doing with my life every second of every day!" "It is because I am your wife that I have the right to know!" "Well it is my right to choose if I want you to know or not!" They finally bothered to looked at the redhead wanting to put her cent in. She looked at both, tired as all hell. "Okay, let's - on second thought, let me be Paris and we will all agree on a compromise. Sound good?" Initially she wanted to say, "let's all calm down", but she knew that just adds fuel to the fire and she really didn't want Beth to wake up. They both gave her a look. Really, this is where they agree! She had to pick a side for this argument to end because of the 2:1 vote they implemented way back when. She was not going to pick a side because the fighting only got worse. She tried to mediate between them again. "Fine! You want sides, then I'll be Switzerland. I am not picking any of your sides!" "So typical of you to be "neutral" Roxx." Rick said. "And what does that mean?!" "You never "pick" a side because it never concerns you. You say you want to help us, and self-proclaimed yourself as a "mediator", but you haven't done anything!" Diane also argued. Fuck being Switzerland, she'll be Germany! A war on both fronts! "Excuse me!" "Yes excuse yourself, just like the last time and the time before that, you have an entire list of excuses you've used under the guise of compliancy and compromise!" Diane continued. "Son of a bitch, you know what! Both of you are in the wrong! Diane, I have told you time and time again how Rick is, but you never heed any of my advice, you think because you’re some top-grade psychologist you know the human psyche better than anyone! Well news flash, Rick and I don't fit your cookie cutter mold! You're trying to fit a god damn square in a circle! And you, Rick, should know better than anyone else how it feels for their spouse to be gone for copious amounts of time! Coming back at ungodly hours, having so little contact with them to the point you look for someone else to fill the void. For fucks sake, you got lonely, banged this bitch, and got hitched! Only until you realized you were going to be a father that you told me! And it wasn’t even on your accord, you told me mid argument to piss me the fuck off!" "Did you ever thought of how I felt moving across the damn continent for YOUR job!" "I ASKED you! You had the option to say no!" "And what! Wait 5 years for you to come back!" "The ONLY reason we stayed 5 years in Michigan was because YOU banged Diane and had a child! The most time it would've taken for my trip was 2 years max!" "2 years for you to bang your coworkers while I'm in Seattle!" But that accusation was drowned out when Diane began to talk. "Don't you dare blame me! I didn't just go to the bar, saw the first man there, and seduced him!" "Might as well done it! As soon as you figured he was "married" you plotted to remove me from the equation!" "Your so called "marriage" wasn't even real! And by Rick's stance at the time, your relationship was hanging by a thread, if not already cut off!" "And so you thought "this motherfucker is single, well why don't I spread my legs and tie him down by his dick!” Did you honestly thought you could've had a Hallmark ending!" "Whoa, wait a fucking second! I never said my relationship with Roxx was hanging by a thread! I was pissed and I was angry, and all I wanted to do that night was get drunk!" "So you went to the bar with a hot blonde psychologist!"  "I went to the bar alone! I met with Diane by accident! I was already drinking by the time she recognized me! She also had a rough day so I bought her some drinks-" "Don't you dare say you bought me drinks out of courtesy, I saw you eyeing me through our entire conversation and you were sober enough to know what you’re doing!" "Stop! You cannot play innocent with me, princess! I know you calculated your fucking encounter with Rick so don't even try! Then you, Rick, thought with your dick and blew a load in her!" The conversation took a turn for the worse, opening up multiple cans of worms. "FUCK YOU, admit this is all your fault!" Rick exploded. "You KNEW your job was going to take long nights in the office! And you knew Rick was going to be lonely for majority of the day! You set him up for separation anxiety!" Diane jumped in.  Rick and Diane ganged up on her, alternating their arguments so she couldn't get a word in. "Not only that, but every god damn time I went to your office, your receptionist ALWAYS said you're TOO busy to see me!" "You ignored him for essentially a year! In addition, all our arguments are about YOU!" "Whenever there is an argument, you are the first one to dip out!" "You grab MY daughter early morning and don't come back till dinner time! You are never present in our arguments! It is not only Rick and I that have problems. We also have problems with you!" "You only come to us individually to play "angel" and get us to trust you more, not each other!" "You call me a manipulator, but you've been orchestrating this entire marriage to fail!" "If you weren't here we would not have these arguments! We wouldn't have these conflicts! We would be living happily with our daughter Beth!" "GET OUT!" Roxx yelled, anger contorting her expression. "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" "WE ALL LIVE HERE DIPSHIT!" "WELL, GUESS THE FUCK WHAT, THE HOUSE IS UNDER MY NAME, UNDER MY PROPERTY, UNDER MY TAX PAYABLES. SO, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT. BOTH OF YOU!" Rick threw his hands up in the air and walked out through the garage, while Diane left through the front door. Both left in their respective vehicles to find shelter. Roxx stumbled to both exits and locked the door behind them when she saw their vehicles leave. As soon as she accomplished that, she collapsed. Ugly broken sobs ripped from her throat while she dug her nails to break her skin. She tried to stop the sobs by slowly decreasing her intake of oxygen. Her hands trailed from her shoulder to her neck as she wrapped them around her flesh. It was working, but the tear production increased. When the tears ran down her face, over her hands and soaked her neck she started clawing the tear stains in disgust. She crawled herself to a dark corner where the light wouldn't hit her as she broke down as her breathing increased. Her heart wouldn't stop beating and it annoyed her greatly, she wanted to feel pain, she wanted to numb herself, she wanted to die. However, at the same time she wanted comfort. And she was uncomfortable when she curled into a ball. She knew that being curled up into the ball was her safest position when she broke down, but she wasn't in the sanest of minds right now. She felt more comfortable twisting her limbs in odd directions, uncomfortable positions, dangerous arrangements. The feeling that her bones may snap felt comforting. Like she was a marionette on a string and once that string was cut, it will finally be free. She didn't like the pain in her heart, but she knew it was just chemicals in the brain making her believe there is pain in the heart. She was healthy, but at the same time she was not. She banged her head against the wall wanting her brain to stop fucking around and make her function normally. However, the pain she was in was translated in the brain like serotonin. It felt good. It felt nice. She cried some more knowing this was not normal, but it felt right. She was about to hit her head harder against the wall when some mass stopped her. "Please... please... Aunt Roxy stop hurting yourself. Don't... don't leave me as well." As if a lightbulb went off in her head, she grabbed the small mass into a hug and clung onto her like a life preserver. Roxanne held her gently and finally felt the pain of her own ministrations. Her head was dazed, her neck was scratchy and red, her shoulders were slightly bloody for breaking skin, and her limbs were sore. She barely recognized the clock hanging over head. 3am.

[eldritchsurveys]

637.

Do you ever judge people based on if they believe in God or not? >> You know, it’s funny -- I’m more likely to make snap judgements about atheists than Christians. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve met my fair share of annoying proselytisers and hateful fundamentalists, have had “exorcisms” performed on me, the whole nine. I am definitely wary of Christianity as an institution, with good reason. But I’m really tired of the superiority complex that atheism seems to encourage (again, just like with Christians, not all atheists are like this -- but enough are). The fact that I dare to interpret my life and my reality in a non-materialist, often-arcane fashion immediately puts me at odds with a lot of atheists because their first thought about anything other than strict materialism is “only idiots believe that”, and I’m not going to let some other equally-in-the-dark human being treat me like an idiot because of something this personal (and this arbitrary!). Somehow, Christians telling me I’m going to hell because I listen to death metal or masturbate or whatever is less deeply irritating to me than that.

Do you ever brush your teeth in the shower? >> No. I can see why you would, though.

Has your printer ever stopped working at the last minute and you had a paper due the next day? What did you do? >> ---

Are you sometimes scared to express your opinions in fear of what others might think? >> It’s more like... I don’t feel like dealing with other people’s baggage, you know? Their inflexibility of mind, or baked-in prejudices, or superiority/inferiority complexes, or whatever. It’s really not worth it all the time. I could be putting my energy to better use than fielding off other people’s contempt. So I wouldn’t say my reticence is fear-based as much as it’s... boredom-based. lmao

Do you have a girl that is strictly a friend that isn’t related to you that you can go to? >> Yawn.

Have you ever painted your nails on only one hand, forgetting about the other one or getting side-tracked? >> No.

Have you ever tried sucrets? >> I don’t think so.

Would you date someone that smokes? >> I don’t date, but in general being a smoker isn’t something that puts me off a person. Being rude about smoking and not accepting that not everyone wants to breathe in their secondhand cancer air would, though. And if you smoke cigars, no thanks. Cigarette smoke is bad enough but cigar smoke is twice as bad.

What about drinks? >> Again, it’s not the act of drinking that puts me off a person, it’s to what extent their drinking affects their life and the lives of those around them.

Have you ever gone to one of those parties where everyone is falling around drunk everywhere? >> I don’t think so. I mean, maybe one or two people depending on their tolerance? But not the whole damn party.

Are you “the good guy”, or “the bad guy”, or somewhere in between? >> Yes.

Do you ever erase the numbers off of surveys just because they annoy you? >> No, the reason numbers tend to disappear off surveys when I take them is because when I paste the survey into this text box, tumblr automatically formats it like a numbered list, and when I unformat it the numbers go with it.

Person you like shows up at your house: you … >> ---

Last person you talked on the phone with? >> ---

Do you think you will have the same best friend a year from now? >> ---

Do you have siblings over the age of twenty-one? >> No.

Will tomorrow be better than today? >> I mean, today’s going to be pretty good. I’m going to play video games for hours to make up for the fact that I couldn’t all weekend.

What do you hear right now? >> Nothing.

What was the last thing to go into your mouth? >> Water, I think.

Do you usually tell people when you’re mad at them? >> I operate under the assumption that most people won’t care whether I’m upset with them or not, so I don’t bother informing them. That might be a maladaptive way of thinking, but so far I haven’t had much cause to question the notion, either.

Honestly, how is your heart lately? >> Beating.

Do you miss anyone? >> No.

Are you waiting for a phone call? >> No.

If an ex said they hated you, what would you say? >> I wouldn’t say anything. That’s their business, not mine.

What would you do if you found out your most recent ex was in a relationship? >> Hope that that person doesn’t go through what I went through. And if they do, hope that they have the presence of mind to leave sooner rather than later.

What do you think when someone kisses you on your forehead? >> First of all, who is doing that...

What do you usually do right when you wake up? >> Look at my phone to see what time it is.

Are you looking forward to anything? >> Yeah, playing WoW.

How late did you stay up last night? >> I got home at around a quarter past eleven, so I think I got to sleep shortly after midnight.

Do you truly hate anyone? >> No.

Would you ever get a tattoo? >> Of course.

In the past forty-eight hours, have you hung out with a girl? >> I hung out with a lot of people on Sunday.

Were you happy when you woke up today? >> Yes, very happy to be back in my warm comfortable bed and not in that janky loud motel.

If someone liked you, would you want them to tell you? >> I mean, it’s not going to change anything on my end, but I wouldn’t act weird about it if someone told me.

Would you rather go back a week or go forward? >> ---

Would you ever smile at a stranger? >> I’ve done so.

Who was the last person to text you? >> Sparrow.

What are you doing today? >> Playing video games, vegging out. Just enjoying being home.

Truthfully, is there someone you used to date that you miss? >> Not right now.

Have you ever gotten burnt by a cigarette? >> Yeah, on purpose.

Have you ever been so bored that you started drooling on yourself? >> What...

Do you brush your teeth right away when you wake up? >> Not right away, but soon enough after.

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? >> ---

Want to get smashed tonight? >> Nah, I’m good.

What time are you getting up tomorrow? >> I don’t know, whatever time I wake up.

Are you happy with the choices you’ve made? >> Like, throughout my entire life? Some were fine, some were mistakes, some don’t even register in my memory anymore.

Think back to last June; were you single? >> No.

Have you ever made someone laugh when they were crying? >> Probably. That’s my only method of consolation -- distraction.

Describe how you feel right now. >> Neutral.

Would you date someone three years older than you? >> ---

Do you prefer to shower at night or in the morning? >> In the morning.

Do you think more about the past, present, or future? >> The present.

Are you okay with the life you live? >> Sure.

Could you handle living with the last person you texted? >> I do live with the last person I texted.

Was the last book you read for fun, or was it for some type of assignment? >> Everything I read is purely for my own interest/delight.

Have you accomplished any goals you set for yourself this year so far? >> The only “goal” I ever set is that Goodreads reading challenge, lmao. But even that’s just for fun -- if I don’t read 50 books in a year, it’s not like I consider myself a failure or something. Quantity doesn’t even mean anything. It’s just something to keep track of, I guess. (Also, when I do those end-of-year book surveys, it’s easier to just go look at my challenge because then I can see at a glance what books I read that year.)

If you could go forward in time and see your life 5 years from now, what would you hope to see? >> ---

Are there still movie rental stores where you live or have they all gone out of business? >> There’s one down the road from me, like a 10-minute walk. Family Video just refuses to go down without a fight, I guess. They jumped on the CBD bandwagon really fast, too -- revenue is revenue, I guess, lmao.

What was the last thing to annoy you or make you upset? >> When I realised I’d left my laptop and phone chargers in the motel room. *facepalm* Thank god for Amazon one-day shipping.

Do you think you would be a good match for your celebrity crush/es assuming you have one? Why? If you don’t have one, who was the last person you saw that you found attractive? >> There were a lot of attractive people at Elle’s wedding.

When looking for something to watch on TV do you tend to pick shows you know you like, or try new shows that look interesting even though you’ve never heard of them before? >> Either. Just depends on what I’m in the mood for.

Have you ever been ditched by someone only to find them out and about with someone else? >> No.

How old were you when you had your wisdom teeth removed? >> ---

What is the last song you sang out loud? >> I don’t remember.

Where was the last job application you filled out sent to? >> ---

Have you ever been fired from a job? >> No.

What do people tell you your voice sounds like? >> I don’t recall the last time anyone commented on my voice at all.

What financial class are you? >> Poverty class.

What poster is hanging closest to you? >> It’s not a poster, it’s an art print. It’s called “Heimdall” and that’s basically what it is, I guess. But very, very intricate and multilayered. One of those “stare at it for five hours and still see new things” kind of artwork.

What time did you go to bed last night? >> Sometime after midnight.

Do you watch any reality shows? >> Not regularly.

Are you more comfortable with men or women? >> ---

Do you think you’re fat? >> Sometimes I do. It’s all just societal bullshit, though, because I’m technically not fat (and it really shouldn’t even be a big deal if I was).

Have you ever borrowed money from someone and never repaid them? >> Probably.

Do you have a pet cat? >> Yeah.

What is worse: physical or emotional pain? >> I’m not going to rank one as “worse” than the other. Pain is pain.

If you had to get up at 6 AM tomorrow morning, would it be painful? >> Probably. It’s not my normal getting-up time.

How is your hair? >> Fine.

Who was the last person who called you? >> ---

How long does it take you to fall asleep at night? >> Not long, because I don’t go to bed until I feel good and sleepy.

How many people have you had strong feelings for in the year of 2012? >> You know what I had strong feelings for in 2012? Drugs.

What are you doing for your next birthday? >> I have no idea. Probably going to Chicago like usual, although the idea of going to Canada is still on the table if we can get passports by that time.

Would you go on a date with someone right now if they asked? >> Not unless it was explicitly understood that I am aromantic and this is a platonic outing.

Do you believe that if you want something bad enough, you’ll get it? >> Sometimes that narrative is fun to entertain.

Last movie you watched? >> The Nightingale.

Who were you with? >> Nobody.

Who came over last? >> ---

Have you ever wanted to be a ballet dancer? >> No.

Does your family keep tons of leftovers in the fridge? >> I do not.

Favourite FRIENDS character? That is, if you like it. >> ---

Skullcandy headphones, yay or nay? >> Yeah, I like them.

Are you thinking of getting another piercing? Where? >> No.

Do you love when people remember little things about you? >> Sure, it means people actually paid attention to me and cared enough to remember, which goes against some of my less helpful self-talk.

Do you ‘bless’ strangers when they sneeze? >> No.

How many phones have you gone through? >> Too many.

Have you always lived in the house you currently reside in? >> No.

Do you think your future will be a good one? >> ---

[csykora]

Generally, do we take Oshie coming back out at the end of the game (or any similar sitch of an athlete returning to the ice after a potentially injury-causing incident) as a good sign (presumably he passed a concussion test so even if he does somehow have one, it's probably not as serious as it could be), a bad sign (there's a good chance he's playing through something that will be/could be made worse by playing through it), or just like a neutral "who knows" non-sign?

It’s a neutral sign about Oshie’s wellbeing, because being cleared to return to play simply isn’t the same as that.

I think it’s a rough sign about us.

Oshie went through the League’s concussion protocol.  The League has pulled out certain symptoms (subjective information that has to be reported by the patient) and signs (objective information that can be seen by the healthcare provider) which it holds to be the most reliable clues. If a player shows some combination of these, they’re sent off the ice to be tested:

Symptoms:

Headache

Dizziness

Balance or coordination difficulties

Nausea

Amnesia for the circumstances surrounding the injury (i.e., retrograde/anterograde amnesia)

Cognitive slowness

Light/sound sensitivity

Disorientation

Visual disturbance

Tinnitus

Sign “Lying Motionless on the Ice”: A Player lies motionless on the ice or falls to the ice in an unprotected manner (i.e., without stretching out his hands or arms to lessen or minimize his fall).

Sign “Motor Incoordination/Balance Problems”: A Player staggers, struggles to get up or skate properly, appears to lose his balance, trips or falls, or stumbles while getting up, trying to get up, or skating.

Sign “Blank or Vacant Look”: A player has a blank or vacant look.

If you also thought, “But wouldn’t TJ always qualify?” you’re a bit of a dick, but you’re not wrong

Sign “Slow to Get Up” or “Clutches his Head”: A player is slow to get up or clutches his head (including any part of his face) 2 following any of these mechanisms of injury:

a blow to the Player’s head or upper torso from another player’s shoulder;

the Player’s head makes secondary contact with the ice; or,

the Player is punched in the head (including any part of his face) by an ungloved fist during a fight

Exceptions: If a player is Slow to Get Up or Clutches his Head following a mechanism of injury other than the three listed above, removal from play is not mandatory and Club medical staff shall exercise their medical judgment as to whether to remove the Player for an acute evaluation.

That last bit means that the NHL has done some math and determined that those three impacts cause most concussions. They’ve found that fewer concussions come from ‘head makes secondary contact with the boards’ than from ‘contact with the ice’, so they say a player who hit the ice needs to be tested and a player who hit the boards doesn’t. He can still be sent for testing, but the call falls to the trainer, and that’s a problem because we can’t diagnose a concussion by looking at you.

Does Oshie have a concussion? I don’t know. Not ‘I don’t know I’m only friendly bone witch’ like I say when I think somebody sprained their wrist but don’t want to get in trouble, I mean I cannot tell you shit. I cannot see concussions. I can see those signs that often appear with a concussion, but seeing them does not mean my patient for sure has a concussion. If I don’t see them, it doesn’t mean he does not.

We have to assess the damn patient.

The NHL uses it’s own version of the Standardized/Sports Concussion Assessment Tool (SCAT3).

The SCAT3 combines aspects of several concussion tools…into eight components designed to assess concussion symptoms, cognition, and neurological signs. Each of the eight components is scored and recorded The test consists of the Glasgow Coma Scale  [you conscious?], Maddocks score [are you aware you’re a hockey player?], symptom evaluation, cognitive evaluation using SAC [can you solve my puzzles?], neck examination, balance examination, coordination examination, and a follow-up of the SAC delayed recall task.

The SCAT3 is not meant to replace comprehensive neuropsychological testing. It should not be used as a stand-alone method to diagnose concussion, measure recovery, or make decisions about an athlete’s readiness to return to competition after a concussion.”

What you need to know from that is that the SAC is a timed paper-and-pencil quiz that takes 5 to 10 minutes. It’s a pretty reliable indicator. You do it twice in the SCAT. 

When the SCAT was introduced Dr. Ruben Echemendia, chair of the NHL’s Concussion Working Group, denied that players have to be in the quiet room for a minimum of 15 minutes. “The 15 minutes that has been talked about in the media is a fallacy….It really is the amount of time that’s necessary to conduct a thorough evaluation.” x That’s interesting.

Oshie left the ice with 16 and a half minutes left in the 3rd. He returned with 3 and a bit to go. It is physically impossible that he completed just one of the eight parts of the NHL’s own tool properly.

Using just one tool may give you almost 50% error, compared to 80-100% accuracy when you use the SCAT and other tools to get a more complete picture. Reasonable medical care for concussions does exist, this just…isn’t it.

I’m not saying a word about the medical staff. I’m saying that this system means being cleared to play has as much to do with your concussion status as a coin flip. 

Kariya shows character in Game 6

Jun 8, 2003

Sherry Skalko

ANAHEIM, Calif. – Paul Kariya wasn’t going to stay down.

It was Game 6 of the Stanley Cup finals and there was more work to do.

At 6:26 of the second period Saturday night with the Mighty Ducks leading the Devils 3-1, Kariya joined the list of players who have fallen victim to a Scott Stevens check. An instant after dishing the puck off to his left before the Devils’ blueline, Kariya, with his head down, turned to his right – full-speed, face-first into the white No. 4 on the New Jersey captain’s shoulder.

Kariya fell to the ice and lay motionless. The capacity crowd that he had whipped into a frenzy with two assists in the first period fell silent.

…

So at the most crucial of moments, with his young Mighty Ducks facing elimination in the playoffs for the first time, Kariya got up. And less than four minutes later, he made a surprising return. 

Later in the period, it was Kariya who provided the nicest lift of all by beating Martin Brodeur high glove side with a slapshot off the left wing at 17:15.

“He was able to come back, and that really inspired every player in our room,” Ducks veteran winger Steve Thomas said.

“I was impressed with that,” coach Mike Babcock said. “It was impressive for him. When you’re stretched and people are calling you out, you get a chance to respond. When you respond, that’s the best feeling. That’s why they pay you the money.”

They pay him the money because they know what other people don’t.

“That’s just a sign of leadership, right there, to come back after that and score that goal,” Rucchin said. “I expect the same from him in Game 7.”

Because Paul Kariya won’t stay down.

Paul Kariya can’t remember that goal. 

He had anterograde amnesia: like we talked about with Kempný this season, his brain couldn’t record any new information. His muscle memory was out there, and it did okay without the rest of him, because you truly don’t need judgement or personality to be a hockey player. 

Seeing TJ return to the ice last night and score was the nightmare scenario. It’s what we can’t seem to get away from. We keep cheering when they go back on the ice. We keep saying see? He’s okay! 

And that’s pretty damn awkward fifteen years later. 

I don’t think Oshie has a concussion. I don’t know! We don’t. We cheered anyway.

I’ve been trying to get this, reading posts praising what Oshie did. Because I know you all want him to be well. And you want him to get a victory. We want the story to end with the good guy safe and sound and still good at hockey. It feels right. 

But a player being well and being good at hockey are not the same thing. Sometimes wanting him to be well means acknowledging that he can’t do this right now, because doing this is hurting him.

Dessy, A. M., Yuk, F. J., Maniya, A. Y., Gometz, A., Rasouli, J. J., Lovell, M. R., & Choudhri, T. F. (2017). Review of Assessment Scales for Diagnosing and Monitoring Sports-related Concussion. Cureus, 9(12), e1922.  

Resch JE, Brown CN, Schmidt J, et alThe sensitivity and specificity of clinical measures of sport concussion: three tests are better than oneBMJ Open Sport & Exercise Medicine 2016