#so before she is able to feel pain she feels rage and thats how she copes through: spite

[skyartworkzzz]

your comic about nari cooking made me wonder

if narinder were to surprise heket with some food would she eat it and start sobbing

I DONT THink Narinder would be the type to make gifts out of the blue, especially to his grumpy sister 😭

BUT, let a scenario come and lead him to being compelled in making her a dish, I dont think she would cry, but rather feel- nostalgic. Missing the times where she didnt resent him so much and had all the chances to taste his meals back in the day. Same thing for him

Ofc tho, none of them would say a thing </3

[princessbrunette]

boxer!rafe had his anger mostly under control. thats what the boxing was for. but no one’s perfect. there were times he’d slip up.

he’d developed the knack for being able to ignore the other men in the locker room at the fighting grounds. he had his own upcoming fights to worry about, his own family to feed — whilst he used to be a sucker for a good argument, it had become the least of his concerns. they knew that about him, therefore they knew what would get under his skin.

“ayeee, it’s pretty boy!” one jeered as he stepped into the locker room — sore, toned body trudging over to his usual locker to retrieve his stuff so he could get out and go home to you. he was used to the nickname, infact it had even been self proclaimed at some points on the ring. girls held up ‘pretty boy’ signs during his fights, upon winning multiple fights and climbing the ranks he was gifted a chain with ‘pretty motherfucker’ engraved on the pendant. it was nothing new to him.

the chatter continues in the room amongst the men, and he figures he can let his guard down now, knowing they wouldn’t be testing him. they’d heard of his rage through stories, rumours that he’d been in jail for killing a cop in his past. it intrigued people, wanting to see how far they could push him. just as the cameron boy is getting his gym bag together to leave, he’s brought into the conversation once more.

“right? i wanna start seein’ some newer faces in the crowd i’m gettin’ tired of the regulars.” the same douche that addressed rafe when he entered speaks, eyes flickering over to the younger guy in amusement. “hey cameron, got anyone you can bring to spice things up around here? how ‘bout that pretty wife of yours? maybe she can motivate me before the fight—”

he doesn’t get to finish his taunt, before in a flash rafe had pinned him the locker with a crash, doors rippling and padlocks clattering. he presses his arm into the man’s neck, jaw clenched and vein popping out his neck.

“fuck you say? huh? nah, go ‘head repeat yourself.” rafe threatens, practically growling through bared teeth at the man. the other fighter goes to shove him back, but the cameron man is unmovable. if there’s one thing he doesn’t play about, it’s you.

rafe stumbles back slightly, but it’s only to wind up and slam his fist into the man’s face when he dared to smile. the other men start to get involved now, trying to pull rafe off but it only made him angrier. “think that’s funny? yeah?” he yells, and punches the man again, the time harder. his skin cracks and blood splashes onto his knuckles as he continues. he knew this was going to result in at least a week suspension from the gym, and that was with the gym owner being fond of rafe. he shoves himself off eventually, the man groaning on the floor in pain.

full of adrenaline, rafe picks up his bag and heads to leave, but not without spitting out a venomous “lemme hear you talk about my wife again. i’ll kill you. a’ight?”

he’s not proud of himself by the time he’s arrived home. it’s been a while since he’d gotten angry like that, violent outside of professional boxing. it’s so soft in your shared home when he arrives, and it makes him feel ashamed. it smelled like you’d been baking fresh cookies, the house clean just for him. it melts him, because sometimes he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was still the monster he used to be. something that didn’t belong here.

he stops in the doorway to see you napping on the couch, looking delicate like a petal that had fallen off a flower, drifted in the wind and had just landed there perfectly. the small bump that had only just begun to show through your dress strains ever so slightly against the material and he scratches at his cheek. he shouldn’t be acting like this. not when fatherhood is approaching.

he busies himself off to the shower, hoping to wash the day from him. not long later, the sound of the water woke you — and you appear in the bathroom quietly, stripping yourself of your clothes and climbing in behind him. you press a soft kiss to the centre of his back because you could tell it’s tense, a telltale sign that he’d had a rough day. you don’t need to speak, not yet anyway as he relaxes slightly at your touch — feeling your tits press against him from behind and your swollen tummy when you lean forward. he lets out a long sigh, head running beneath the water.

hugging him from behind, you peer round to see his bruised knuckles. he hadn’t come home with those for a long time, he’d usually wrap them if he was going to spar or whatever.

“what happened?” you can’t help yourself, curiosity getting the better of you.

he presses his lips together, caught. he doesn’t wanna tell you what they said, make you uncomfortable. it’s not necessary and it would only make him mad all over again. he runs his knuckles under the water, ridding them of any of the left over dried blood that he wasn’t sure was his.

“ah i uh… i lost my temper… a little. s’not important.” he huffs, peeking briefly over his shoulder at you. you don’t question it, knowing it was potentially a sore subject. he feels another kiss on his back.

“s’okay.” you’re so nurturing, so gentle. your hands slide around his hip bones, caressing the veined skin on his lower stomach above his cock. the appendage jumps once realising what you were after. maybe it didn’t take long because of the soft kisses and your body pressing to his, paired with the day he’d had — but he’s hard in no time when you start palming at him.

he tips his head back under the water, the droplets racing down his toned back and shoulders as you slowly tug at him from behind, doing your best to relax him. “s’okay rafe.” you whisper once more. “you’re home now.”

he certainly was.

[pantamonte]

How would clover end up befriending everyone in underfell yellow? I imagine it would be much harder than in cannon.

Its harder for sure but keep in mind that the underfell monsters put up more hostile fronts to protect themselves in this more dangerous underground or out of pain. I imagine for most of it its a mix of clover being able to defend themselves for a long time while also seeing through their facades and bringing a sense of positivity.

Dalv is scary and pushes people away on purpose. While he has preyed on the unsuspecting monster to eat their magic, at the end of the day his creepy demeanor is furthered by how people are terrified of him. He hypes up his menacing attitude, especially after Kanako's passing because hes afraid of growing attachments. I imagine Clover could see through that to some extent. Dalv also gets reminded of an old friend by seeing clover....it makes it harder for him to be hostile forever.

Martlet at her core isnt meant to be mean. The royal guard simply has strict and high expectations that are enforced. She does it because its part of her job, not because shes a hostile person. That ends up shattering when Martlet ends up having fun and gets attached to Clover. Though she still insists she will help take them to the capital herself, just to ease her mind on not doing her job, and on any hostile monsters along the way defeating Clover before they can get far.

Starlo? At first, was going to have Clover as ransom. He thinks a human soul would fetch a high price and make him and his pals better off. Hes loud and hes prideful, but its also as a means to look cooler in front of everyone when he doesn't feel that way naturally. While he has a tendency to be reckless and a little explosive as well, he still ends up growing a soft spot for Clover, even delaying the whole "ransom" thing just to have a little sidekick a while longer.

Ceroba is the hardest to convince. At the end of the day, she has nothing to lose. She is a woman that has fallen deeply into despair and rage. All she wants to do now is have some sort of revenge on Asgore. Thats her only purpose in life at that point. I dont really think she even can fully bring herself to "befriend" clover until nearly the end, and even then its not for long given that Clover still eventually gives up their soul. She probably would've killed Clover sooner, but she is reminded of Kanako sometimes when she looks at them, and shes often distracted by enemies trying to steal their soul for themselves.

I think also in a way, Clover is meant to have a parallel to Kanako in the sense that they are a youthful character that shows a ray of light in an otherwise miserable world of monsters. So it makes sense that Clover could eventually grow closer to these characters.

[hobiebrownismygod]

hobie seeing Maitreyi cry for the first time

So, I've already talked about how much my girl Maitreyi has gone through. She lost basically everyone she cared about from her mentor to her girlfriend to her entire childhood. But, she doesn't like to show it because she's been taught from a young age that emotions have consequences. So, instead of showing them, she pents up her emotions to the point where every month or two she has to literally lock herself up, curl into a ball and just let it all out for a day until she feels better.

At some point, she just can't take it anymore. The voices, the guilt, the pain, she can't hide it from the people around her. So, she goes to one of the rooms in the HQ, (Miguel knows about her problem so he has a room set up for her), and just lets all hell break loose.

She goes absolutely feral, breaking everything in the room, punching walls, throwing things, screaming and ripping. She treats it like a rage room.

Because she's a spider-person, her hormones also take control of her emotions and she can get very animalistic.

At some point, she just physically won't be able to take it anymore and she'll just lie on the ground until she finds the energy to stand again and thats her stress relief

she doesn't tell anyone what she does, she just tells them to stay out of that room for that day or two or to just leave her alone. She doesn't want people to know or get worried or even be around her when that happens because she's scared she might hurt someone. She wasn't bit by a spider naturally, it was injected into her, so sometimes she can't control her emotions or even herself. (Kind of like how Miguel wasn't able to control himself when he went after Miles)

at one point hobie gets curious about what shes doing so he installs some sort of makeshift camera in there to see whats going on cuz she won't tell him or anyone. He doesn't want to infringe on her privacy but he's just so curious as to what goes on in there and why she's so adamant about nobody knowing.

And thats when he finds out. He sees her absolutely destroying herself, showing a side of herself that he's never seen before and he's absolutely shocked. But, being the caring person he is, the first thing that pops into mind is that he has to help her

He approaches her, hands up in a defensive position, eyes wide as he tries to calm her down. Shes telling him to leave, telling him that he's gonna get hurt, but he doesn't listen (brat) and he webs her and pulls her toward him. She's struggling, clawing, biting with her fangs but he just dodges and doesn't let go. He just holds her.

Eventually she breaks down and completely collapses out of exhaustion and he just sits there and holds her while she cries, ugly cries, like just full on pent up frustration pouring out of her body

She calms down eventually and kind of just sits there quietly, her senses returning to her as she mumbles apologies to him for how she'd acted. But he doesn't even care, he just kind of smiles at her and rests his chin on the top of her head.

Because you don't need to talk and kiss to show your affection. Affection can be shown just through something like a hug. And thats how they both show their affection. Silent hugs and being physically close.

Thought this was cute :p. God I'm so touch starved

[forthedancingandthethriving]

(Inspo)

Lily stumbles, looking around for a moment. She looks around, surprised, before shaking her head. She clenches her trident and begins running through the black abyss that was Ozymandias's code.

"Root!" She calls out, her voice echoing. "Root, I know you can hear me! Come on, respond to me!"

She hears the sound of shifting, and she hurries her pace. She didn't know how long she'd be able to stay in here, considering she didn't even have the code necessary, but the Magic of Friendship and all that somehow let her in.

She stops in front of a kneeling Root. A Root who looks terrible, disheveled, tears falling down her face. There were patches of Root that were wireframe scars, though the young girl does remember Antivirus warning of that.

Her Root, that she missed so much.

"Lily-?"

Root doesn't even have time to question, as Lily's trident clatters to the ground, and the young siren rushes forward, wrapping her arms around the Offshoot tightly.

"I've got you," Lily assures her, holding back tears. They could wait. "You're coming home, okay? You're coming home."

"Why would you want me home?" Root whispers, voice cracking. "After what I did.."

"You can fix it," Lily speaks, voice soft and gentle. She pulls away from the hug enough to look Root in the eyes. "But we all want you back, Root. Even LC."

The Virus swallows thickly. "Even.."

"Even Antivirus." The siren smiles. "He was so pissed he fused with Mira, who is also suuuper pissed."

That gets the Offshoots attention. As the two stand to their feet, Lily gently takes Root's hand into hers. "We're getting out of this together, my moon."

For the first time in a while, Lily sees Root smile. The very same smile that made her fall in love. "Together.."

Willing the trident back to her hand, the two run together, back towards the gateway.

Once Root was out, she felt like herself. She was Root, not Ozymandias. As she lands, though, she's distinctly aware that it's on four feet, not two, and she's eye-to-eye with Ozymandias. There's a familiar code nearby, almost below her, and her tail curls around the source defensively.

"THATS A HUGE BITCH!" The shocked voice of Mario breaks through Root's hearing, and she's distinctly aware of how compressed she feels. But it also feels right.

"You useless little piece of-!"

There was no time for Ozymandias snarl or lunge, as Root surges forward instead, slamming her head and horns into his chest. She watches as her progenitor is thrown off balance and takes the opportunity to clamp down around his throat, tossing him several hundred feet away.

"I'm going to beat the absolute shit out of you," Root declares with a snarl. In a flurry of white scales, the eastern dragon is on him, and they're wrestling about, each trying to land a good hit.

(Lily watches from the sidelines, cheeks just slightly red. Just.. just slightly.)

Finally, with a loud roar that makes the ground tremble, Root slashes her claws downward, and Ozymandias let's out his own roar of pain as silver blood flows down.

"YOU..!"

His lower half whips out and wraps around her, squeezing dangerously tight. Root chokes, and briefly, she's squeezed by fear.

He's going to absorb her.

The others seem to have realized, revealed by the numerous shouts of protest, fear, and rage. Root squeezes her eyes shut as she thrashes around in his hold, desprate to fight against the sensation of being ripped apart again..

When there's nothing.

She opens her eyes slowly, and a look of angered confusion is on Ozymandias's face.

It clicks as her eyes meet his.

"You can't absorb me," she says.

The shock that comes from the realization lets Root attack his chest once more, causing him to hiss loudly. He pulls away from her, almost frantic, and he snatches Garyboy — who Root hadn't even noticed.

She watches with a hardened expression as he just barely tears open a portal and flees through it.

The Virus doesn't even realize she's back to the others, returned to her normal form, before Lily (now normal sized) rushes forward and hugs her. The two spin around, stumbling a bit as Root does her best to keep Lily from falling.

"You're okay!" Lily finally aobs, clutching Root so tightly, almost like she was afraid that if she let go, the Offshoot would vanish once again.

".. I'm okay," Root repeats after a brief moment, voice soft. She buries her head into Lily's neck.

She was home once more.

[pinkseas]

ALY. ALY PLEASE GO OFF ABT COLLEI

omg hiiiiiii anon twirls hair... crazy of u to ask me that haha

the fact that she's so fucking sanitized in game pisses me off like IN THEORY i get it. in theory. in THEORY a character who goes through the kind of awful, horrific things that she did being able to heal and find a much more positive outlook on life so young and in such a short period of time is a really good thing. in theory it sends a good message. but in a game where feminine rage is fucking nonexistent and you have these guys with really dark awful shit going on who are IN GAME shown to be actively struggling with it trying to be better or trying to live as adults after years or centuries or even NOT trying to be better, who are perfectly fine with being assholes!! just. contextually and next too all the others its INFURIATING to see her so positive and her past rarely really mentioned and it seeming to have little to no impact on her.

and like !! there are different ways to interpret that. one of my personal favorites is that she's overcompensating? idk if thats QUITE the right word, but having such a negative awful outlook on the world for so long, wanting to be better wanting to completely rid herself of her past wanting to be someone completely new completely detached... absolutely get that and honestly very possible considering her general character. but again, just. idk!!! idk. i HATE that shes almost like. not allowed to be damaged or violent or hurt or angry or anything of the sort in the actual game.

and shan and i were on call and shan is a fucking GENIUS and he was talking about how he initially thought collei would be before she was released ingame, based on just what little was known and like. im just THINKING about it and thinking about what she could've been.

just... a little quieter, a little more standoffish. still very kind in terms of her actual actions, but also in the way where just looking at or listening to her you wouldnt really think of her as such, having to pay attention to realize it. still feeling that anger and frustration and helplessness but channeling it into doing better, working to bend and shape it into a weapon, struggling with it. struggling with how angry she is and how much shes hurting and how much she wants to hurt.

and the POTENTIAL of the archon residue not being fully sealed away, or not being capable of being fully sealed. of it existing without being dormant. of her slowly but surely growing stronger and learning to harness and control it, for her own safety and the safety of those around her. it being similar to diluc's delusion in that she can control it and use it to cause harm to others even as it hurts her, generally pretty resilient against its effects, and similar to xiao's karma in the way that it lives within her, painful but in the end still a part of her she has to learn how to live with.

and just !!!!! not related to any of the above but i was also thinking about her and amber ohhhh my god. amber with a fire that burns so bright, warm and passionate and filled with life, something that guides and protects and loves. collei with the black fire that burns like acid, eating away at her and any and all it touches. amber with a destructive element that she uses to bring life, collei with a living element that she uses to cause harm. the potential of her dendro to be utilized in the shape of thorns or ensnaring roots or any type of nature that poisons, dendro as something that eats away at and decays. amber's constellation as a hare, the archon residue in collei taking form as a snake, predator and prey, collei's constellation as a serval that eats snakes and hares both vs the way that amber cares for and protects her.

idk!!!!!! idk. collei and amber, collei and diluc&kaeya, collei and xiao, collei and scaramouche, collei and the archon residue collei and life collei and death collei and angry and fury and helplessness and desperation a lack of direction trying so hard to build a life for herself struggling so fucking much to do so to figure out who she is and who she wants to be and how to bridge the gap and oughghghghghghghghhggh idk !!!!!!!!!! idkidkidkidk what if i Exploded. what if. im seriously just so fucking mad about her ingame like they couldve done SO MUCH but whatever. whatever. let all the guys be powerful and bloodthirsty and violent and angry and vengeful and lost and anguished and conflicted and deep and complex and whatnot and make the teenage girl kind and anxious and sweet and determined to be better but in a way that they never really explore or go in-depth about whatever. WHATEVER !!!!!!!!!!!! never get into how long she had such an awful worldview or how she feels about the fatui or her struggle with eleazar or the archon residue or what it feels like to be alive and have a whole future ahead of her after spending her entire life expecting or even wanting to die young whatever. WHATEVER !!!!!!!!!!! see if i care.

[rostomanologist]

Nightmare and Fear for Falco Ghost and Midnisght for Noereen >:)

HOHOOOO THATS GOTTA BE A RIDE THANK YOU !!!!

Falco:

nightmare: What does your OC have nightmares about? How do they deal with their nightmares? Do they tell people, or keep it to themself?

usually falco has nightmares about the people she lost. mostly, her team in maguuma which was wiped out by mordrem. eventually, they were joined by her warband - most of them fell in the charr civil war, and falco saw it, as she accidentally got into this fuss on the wrong side.

sometimes she sees fire in her nightmares.

they deal with it quite simply: just accept it. doesn't mean they don't feel bad because of these reoccurring visions, but they prefer to concentrate on those who are beside them here and now, always remembering the fallen.

and she never speaks about these dreams.

fear: What is your OC's greatest fear? What do they do when confronted with it? Are they open with their fear, or do they hide it away?

there's too much shit falco has seen to be actually feared of. as with many things, she learned to accept most of the life tragedies and still be able to fight. however, they definitely do not want to witness many things - especially her friends and teammates being massacred, especially while being unable to do something with it.

so, i think, her fear is to be helpless? useless in the crucial moment? and in the moments this happens she tries to do anything to help anyways.

they, however, don't really talk about it either. im not even sure they realize this fear, though they're kinda open with others - they usually admit they're kinda afraid of fire and some huge dragon minions.

Noereen:

ghost: Who or what haunts your OC? What happened? How do they live with their ghosts?

technically, she's haunted by her demon from the mists :D though not fully at the present moment, since she has eliminated this connection and took herself some Healthy Legends lmao

tho generally her mists experience is a one huge ghost for her. she nearly died there, had to make a deal with a sorta demon just to be alive, encountered many echoes from the past after that. quite rough shit. she almost lost her mind because of that. had to fight for her sanity. if not for the help of pryman and hoaxer, she would destroy herself and maybe even more. but now it's getting better with them, she is learning to just live with these memories and move on with less rage and pain.

midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping?

a lot of things, actuallyher energy is almost endless; she needs little sleep. so she often wakes up early, sometimes even before sunrise.

noereen does have nightmares, however, and that's one of another reasons she doesn't sleep. she wakes up because of images of the dead, of her own potential deaths, of the past in the mists. other things that keep her up are the pain in the side where she was bit and legends' voices in her head.

what does she do when not sleeping? she hunts.

[raincamp]

7 - 27 - 23

today has been... a lot. i have a lot to talk about because it really just keeps snowballing, ive had the worst fucking BPD episode today

so i wrote this this morning, expecting to get to actually have a session with my therapist today, since yk, i did finally make an appointment with her referral (for context if you didn't read my last posts, she basically said: no appts until i start addiction counseling bc she can't treat addiction) //

"i've been having the worst and most painful fucking week of my life only for everything to be entirely made up by my imagination, oh how i fucking hate paranoid ideation

as i'm writing this i have about an hour before my therapy appointment— which i was one hundred and ten percent sure was going to be rescheduled, and that i was going to be terminated, because apparently my therapist doesn't like me— and i'm having so many urges to like, hurt myself, or do something to prove that I've been in pain this week because now that i've realized it was all just paraoia my pain no longer feels valid, or justifiable, or even real because of my emotional impermanence making it literally impossible for me to relive the emotions i was experiencing even 5 hours ago.

im partly glad that i only blew up at her once, i think i would be so much more embarrassed had i not. not to say that im not entirely ashamed of my entire reaction to something as small as this, but i also feel like she would've been able to understand how much I've been struggling this week if i had. and since I can't wholly remember how it felt, if it exists in somebody else then it makes it more real. idk. i just want my pain to be validated by her so much."

i was fully ready for her to text me today and be like "oh chill you made an appt see you in an hour" but what i got instead was radio silence. so i checked my appointment portal only to see our standing appointments for the next 3 weeks cancelled.

believe me when i say, my heart fucking dropped, i mean like, it was on the fucking floor, i was hit so hard i couldnt breathe for several minutes.

so, yk, i text her begging for an appointment like the pathetic emotional parasite that i am, and all i get in response is a "we can reschedule once you've attended your intake appointment" so i was like, welp, that sucks bc my intake is next week on a Thursday, so now i have to go two weeks without therapy. absolutely triggered the fuck out of me, i was crying, SOBBING on my floor, it just hurt so fucking much. i felt like i was being ripped apart and sewn crudely back together again, over and over again, everytime i calmed down enough to breathe it would start over again, wave after wave of sadness and shame and abandonment and rage and grief and desperation. i just wanted to stop feeling so much PAIN.

and yk what i did, instead of hurting myself like i nornally would, i texted my therapist like i've been taught to in DBT. she's SUPPOSED to be there to help me when i need it. thats literally in her contract.

mid-sob i typed out a message that was more akin to me begging her to pull me out of a sea of misery and perform CPR on me than professionally asking for help, but i genuinely didnt know what to do, and i STILL don't, because distress tolerance only goes so far, ive been feeling like this, constantly, since our last session.

and she just responded with reminding me that she set the boundary a week ago and we talked about a referral 11 days ago, but she was available for an appointment in two weeks (meaning ANOTHER week without therapy, total: 3) . completely ignoring my plea for help. it felt like she was telling me "hey just a reminder, this is entirely a consequence of your own actions. have fun dealing with it yourself!!"

i have fucking BPD, the only way i KNOW how to deal with anything is by hurting either myself or the people around me. and im THIS close to self destructing and quitting therapy altogether.

i am so fucking pissed at her, idk how she can expect me to survive three weeks without stable treatment. especially after i was hospitalized last month for a suicide attempt?? she knows how much im suffering right now. is keeping a boundary really so important that she can't even help me when im hurting this much?

all i want right now is to scream at her, and im definitely going to, at the very least, be as much of an arse as i can over text, idk, i feel like i deserve to let myself be angry at her. its definitely justified, despite what i said before. theres clear evidence now that I wasn't being paranoid.

i just feel so abandoned by her, physically and emotionally, i feel like i have nobody, i feel like im back to where i was before i started treatment. its so frustrating, and painful. and the fact that this is due to an addiction that i dont have any control over is making me feel even worse.

im trying to figure out why she's doing this, like, she's shown shes competent, i genuinely cant understand how doing this is supposed to help me. how is putting me through this much pain going to help? its making me so unstable. and ik im going to relapse again at some point before i get to see her again.

im trying not to think about it anymore, because everytime i do i start crying again. its to the point where i have a killer headache and my eyes hurt so much from the amount of tears ive spilled.

i fucking hate this disorder so much. nobody but me would be this attached to their therapist. normal people would be able to cope with someone setting boundaries easily. this shouldnt be causing me to feel this way. its not fair. im so exhausted from having to hurt so much all the time, at this point its chronic, its become background noise, its my idle state, and im enraged about it.

i hope good omens season 2 lives up to my expectations.

- andrew

[blackvail22]

she was in my dream last night.

i havent dreamt about her in a really long time... i havent really thought about her either

it was quite odd. in real life, shes an asshole. she has the loudest voice in the room, saying something self-deprecating 90% of the time, and the other 10% is full of her talking shit about someone. in my dream, though... something makes me miss her.

she showed up at my doorstep with a bag full of stuff. it was full of all the art i made her, all of the letters i wrote her. i finally have got it back... i was always afraid that she threw them out or ruined them in a fit of rage. even though i dont really like many of my paintings, the ones i gave her, i was the most proud of them. i also made her a collage, and i even created a book-safe for her. i would spend hours at night writing letters for her, pouring out my heart and soul. when i saw all the sutff, i started crying. in the dream, i never once looked at her. the only thing i remember looking at is her long, frizzy, curly brown hair. thats all i really remember of the dream besides walking on the side of a highway and knowing how to drive (but not knowing how to park?).

anyway i love this song

on another side note, im wishhh i healed from my surgery already. im so fucking tired of my throat hurting, it hurting when i yawn (and feel weird afterwards bcos of my stitches), not being able to eat properly, not being able to talk, my ears hurting!!!!!

im so tired of complaining about this!!! i want everything yo be normal and to never need another surgery for this again but ooo ill be surprised in 9 DAYS when he tells me all about the disease i had (AND DIDNT FUCKING JNOW ABOUT)!

im exhausted. im tired. i dont want to spend another minute more than i need to in my moms room. im tired of how my dad is talking to me (makes me sick) and honestly, im losing my goddamn mind.

i dont really want to go to work anymore. my new coworker makes me dread my job now. and theres something about my recovery that makes me feel like i wont be able to go back to work when i told her i could (happens every surgery ive had, even my knee scope) and shes obviously gonna schedule me that week BUT HOW AM I GONNA CALL OFF IF SHE SCHEDULES ME 7-8 HOUR DAYS 4 DAYS IN A ROW? HOW IS SHE GONNA FIND SOMEONE TO COVER THAT????? AND IM DREADING THE PHONE CALL ILL HAVE TO MAKE ESP IF I CANT FUCKING TALK STILL (i can its just very tense and i choke on every word lmao) BECAUSE HOW AM I GONNA BE LIKE (strained) "hey! its *cough* [my name]. i *cough*--exuse me--am una- unable to come in .... for another f-*cough* few days. i cant talk.... and my doc...tor told me to rest...for a few days...." LIKE HELL THE FUCK NO

i feel like i constantly have acid in my throat. the smell of certain foods makes me sick, the smell of my moms cigarette smoke gives me a headache and nausea that doesnt go away (its 1am, my mom went to sleep at 9 and smoked before then. i still feel like i just inhaled the smoke) i have sharp pains in my side constantly, as well as the right side of my chest. I DONT FEEL GOOD AT ALL. all of my problems could be because i havent really been eating but its because i really cant? i drink water... yeah, i drink water when i remember to. (my body is probably in shock because i usually eat a lot and now im not/barely eating now LOL idek if that can happen but yeah.)

imma stop ranting now. i just wish this next week could fly by and i had a wfh job

[capeplace]

it all goes back to the roots

I just had a phone call with mum. And as we were on the phone I could feel this intense sadness and tears were strolling down my cheek. And I wanted to say I felt sad but was scared to. I think maybe because I avoid saying it because I’m scared of her not giving me the reaction I need, and another part of me was just overwhelmed. 

I think a part of me wanted her to ask about lavine and I would maybe let out the sadness, and she did but then when I said I felt sad about lavine and sad about our relationship (mine and mums) she said ‘I spoke to funmi and bims and they said lots of people have divorces and that its not my fault’ or something alogn that line (without the word fault). And I found myself feeling rage. I just felt like it was confirmation that she never understands my emotions and I guess there was a part of me that almost wanted to prove that. Almost as if it would scare me if we could resolve it i dont know. But to begin with I was still frustrated cause she couldnt recognise why that comment was unhelpful. And I said this is exaclty the problem, if you cant understand how to repsond to my emotions when Im sad and then when I try to explain the problem you dont get it, how do you think I felt my whole life. 

But Mum really was invested in trying to understand, even when she didnt quite get it. I would get more frustrated and she would try again to understand. She was really invested in this being something we really have to work through. And im grateful that she is. And when I kept pushing rather than giving up, she would be more reflective and some of what she had said initially she would give more context and id feel less angry. I think it is also about me meeting her in the middle. At one point she said please dont give up and I said Id already given up. I think thats a big part of it. Like I feel like Ive already accepted that we are ‘doomed’ and maybe I do the same with relationships. Im looking for something that confirms that they wont work out. The question is why? To save myself dissapointment. 

The sadness I felt before the phone call felt like this overwhleming feeling of what if there is all this sadness that just gets released. And its almost like the plug is in with my relationship with mum. Like I try and switch off, distance so that I dont have to face the sadness of her not understanding me. When maybe there is a third option, that I help her to understand me and that I experience us working through a conflict. 

The whole denial about smacking came up but I think in general the outcome of the call was positive because I did something new. Rather than getting so angry and defeated that I end the call, I stayed on the call and we resolved it. I then (although I was uncomfotable) continued having a warm chat with her and letting myself laugh. This felt massive because I think I stay in negative emotions and find it hard to then suddenly be happy. Like im trying to prove something or punish them. 

I think it taught me that 

- if the root of everything really does come back to mum, then maybe I need to work through our relationship to be able to have a healthy relationship. Almost feels a bit spiritual - like Im being forced to face these things like how I was with sexuality. I also think its a reminder that there is still work to be done. That one san pedro realisation is not enough to fix everything. 

- There seems to be parrallels with my relationship romantically and my relatonhsops with mum. Even me avoiding mum as Im going through a challenging time and blaming her. its like that avoidance itself is me not wanting to face the pain. So I avoid it  cause im scared of dissapointment rather than pushing through it and actually resolving the conflict. I think I need to practice resolving conflicts with mum. 

- I think I do have a fear of being alone. And I wonder whether that comes back to mum also. Like when im in a relationship im masking the feelings of being alone. and when im single i truly feel alone  when really its cause it feels lonely to not be able to rely on my mum emotionally. I wonder whether if I can get to that place, I wont feel as dependant on a relationship to determine my mood so much. Rather than playing out my relationship with mum with my partner, ill play out the feelings with mum instead! 

I wonder whether the laughter is a part of it. I think I find it hard to let myself laugh with mum. Like distancing myself from everything includes the joyous parts too. 

Sadness: I think this deep rooted sadness might also be linked to this sadness of our relationship, but if I can work through stuff, maybe the sadness can be replaced with hope and the pessemism with optimism. I wont depend on the highs to give me highs, I will let myself see that life can be hard and theres still joy there, rather than just the optimism being a temporary solution and then the ‘real’ pessemistic me will reappear. 

Its time to change the narrative and allow love to include all aspects 

I feel more hopeful, not even in an elated way, in a more this is doable and we can get there, 

mum also said im not as bright as you you have to remember i get mixed up sometimes. And not that shes not bright, but hearing her reflect on getting mixed up was helpful becasue sometimes I am so perplexed as to how her brain works. Whereas I too have to have compassion and patience. 

I said some harsh truths too like how I felt I had to mangage her emotions, that I feel like we are in two realities, that Id ‘given up’, probably more. 

A part of me feels like ok quit whinging now, take some responsibiltiy and then other part of me is like let your inner child be angry, let your inner child have the fight and resolve it like you wanted to do back then. Let her carry the pain that you didnt let her carry then.I guess it feels odd because I feel a bit like a child. But maybe thats exactly what i need to do. 

in general this was positive. And not positive in the light fluffy way I want it to be. positive in the full sense including all the parts not just the bits I think are ‘good’ 

[cardworksartblog]

Hi

Gamercat family photo (plus their weird platonic girlfriend who sneaks him into the outside world to explore sometimes)

Individual Character Info under the cut!

Gamercat / Project Companion

The main character of this oc group, and the first one i came up with. Gamercat is a slugcat made by TSoQ for the sole purpose of companionship. Gamercat has advanced intelligence, and has an affinity for games. He's disabled, and has malformed ears and tail, signifying that they have somewhat weak cartilage. Despite this, they can move around with the same ease as a normal slugcat. They will still get tired faster though, leading to any secret trips taken outside of the can to be rather short-lived.

Tiny Rage / Experimental Sibling

Tiny is Gamercat's younger sibling. They were made by TSoQ with the purpose of seeing how far out they could push a slugcat's colour and pattern genetics without introducing any more risk of deformation than normal. Tiny got their name from the rage TSoQ's neighbours displayed upon hearing word of what their new project was. It is purely by chance that he developed the same personality as butterdick the chihuahua from a rescue animal centre that doesn't tell you that hes killed 4 cats and passed the black plague onto all 40 of his previous owners​.

Lumpy / Misshapen Attempt

Lumpy is a result of TSoQ fucking around with lizard genes to see what comes out. They're a red lizard with the build of a green lizard and the temperment of a sheepdog. They're also Gamercat's best friend, and the two sleep in the same nests every night for comfort.

Wyrmer / The Firefly

Wyrmer is an odd creature that lives in the spiralling cavern systems with Dweller, acting as their own personal lantern of sorts. It survives off of the nectar of the fruits that grow within the caves. It also likes sneaking in and perching upon quartz' shoulder and getting scritchies lol.

Mandy

Quartz' overseer! It keeps an eye on TSoQ's outer structures, and is often responsible for a few red lizards getting dropped from quartz containments onto a scavenger nest thats proving to be a pain to the Messenger.

Quartz / Ten Shards of Quartz, Midnight's Tides

The iterator herself, Quartz! Theres alot to say abt her, but some more important things are that she had no city on top of her Can, leading to her not really encountering much of the ancients, other than the occasional one or two repairmen and inspectors.

This caused quartz to start enjoying the ambient noise of her body whirring, and disliking the noise that the ancients brang. When they all fizzled out, quartz felt relieved to learn that she would never have to deal with some noisy oafs in her can telling her what to do. They didn't like feeling totally alone, however, so they made Gamercat as a creature to give them comfort.

Cavern Dweller / The Escapist

Around 3 cycles before Sliver Of Straw sent her final message and Died, quartz' communication basically shit itself and died due to an error in her system's functions that ended up corrupting crucial data to her internet. This caused quartz to be totally isolated from all other iterators for a considerable amount of time.

When she was finally able to connect to her surrounding iterators, she was shocked to find out SOS had died. She became rather.. paranoid? And made The Messenger in order to stay in contact with the other iterators without having to worry about her patchy connections. She didn't want to be left behind if they all decided to ascend to wherever sliver of straw went.

Gamercat's friend, and tour guide to the outside. Dweller helps sneak gamer out during cycles to go on secret adventures, and while they're often very short, dweller tries their best to help gamer have a good time.

Dweller keeps various crystals strung around their neck to keep their cloak on, the crystals being a parting gift from their birth colony.

They are cautious of TSoQ, who is unaware of both their presence and their secret outings with Gamercat.

[separatist-apologist]

Lucien Vanserra + The Villain Theory & Why the Mating Bond Is Not Fake

I've been thinking about this for a while and I've decided I want to debunk this because of all the *insert character that is definitely not the villain becoming a secret villain*, Lucien is most definitely not it.

The theory, according to tiktok, is that Lucien is a secret schemer who has tricked everyone, including Elain, into believing they are mates for undefined, suspicious reasons likely related to Koschei. I find this unlikely considering his "father" is ALSO scheming with Koschei and Lucien likely has some awareness of this considering how often Eris is suddenly hanging around.

This is so long. Everything is under the cut.

However, lets pretend he doesn't. There is consistent, contextual proof that Lucien a) could not make up a mating bond even if he wanted to and b) everyone would know if he had.

Starting in ACOTAR, Tamlin tells Feyre the story of Lucien. On page 160, Tamlin says:

"Lucien said he didn't care she wasn't one of the High Fae, that he was certain the mating bond would snap soon and that he was going to marry her and leave his father's court to his scheming brothers."

Followed up on page 161, Tamlin adds:

"...his father has never apologized and his brothers are too frightened of me to risk harming him. But he has never forgotten what they did to her...even if he pretends he has."

That's ACOTAR. I know SJM likes to change things on a whim, but foundationally, this is Lucien's character and across all five books, it never changes. Lucien is still haunted by Jesminda and the mating bond he lost. He firmly believes, if we believe Tamlin to be a reliable narrator (and we should, as Lucien backs Tamlin's opinion up in his private thoughts. It is also worth noting that if Lucien has a villain origin story, it begins right here, the moment his father beheads Jesminda. To assume he's the villain, we ought to believe that he's been scheming non-stop for at least 200 years (since he's like, 300ish?) and to what end? To kill Beron? He'd have been scheming far longer than Elain was alive.

Moving right along to ACOMAF, on page 619, Amren says:

"And the bond," Amren breathed, Cassian's blood shining on her hands as she slowed its dribbling.

Mor said, "She asked the king to break the bond. He obliged."

I thought I might be dying- thought my chest might actually be cleaved in two.

"Thats impossible," Amren said. "That sort of bond cannot be broken."

"The kind said he could do it."

"The king is a fool," Amren barked. "That sort of bond cannot be broken."

"No, it can't," I said.

This is from Rhys' perspective. A mating bond can't be broken with magic- it's forever. Even rejected or in death (we'll get there), the mating bond is for life. Assuming Lucien's mate was Jesminda, even if it hadn't snapped in death, she would STILL be his mate and death would not have changed that. Neither would any magic Lucien, a spell-cleaver, might possess.

Let's also consider Elain, who has no reason to lie and every reason to call Lucien out regarding the bond. In ACOMAF, page 608, we see this:

"...Elain was staring over Nesta's shoulder. At Lucien-whose face she had finally taken in. Dark brown eyes met one of russet and one of metal. Nesta was still weeping, still raging, still inspecting Elain-

Lucien's hands slackened at his sides. His voice broke as he whispered to Elain, "You're my mate."

It's Elain who sees him first, who feels the mating bond mere seconds before Lucien. Why choose Elain, if you're going to pick a fake mate for your scheme? The argument is generally that she has the least amount of knowledge about Faeries and no interest in that education but how would Lucien know that? Feyre told Lucien nothing about her sisters (she told Ianthe instead), which means he would have had to guess. Given that Elain fights being put in the Cauldron, there's nothing contextually in that moment that suggests that Lucien somehow knew she was the easier sister to fool.

It's also worth noting that Lucien, up until that moment, still genuinely believes Jesminda was his mate. If he's the villain, having a fake mate makes no sense to the story or his plans.

Feyre has been inside Lucien's mind twice. Once in ACOMAF (pg. 95):

"Thoughts slammed into me, images and memories, a pattern of thinking and feeling that was old, and clever, and sad, so endlessly sad and guilt-ridden, hopeless-"

And again in ACOWAR when Lucien meets Elain for the first time. On page 249, we get the best description of what Lucien is feeling regarding the mating bond, all through Feyre's perspective:

"Too thin. She must not be eating at all. How can she even stand?

The thoughts flowed through his head, one after another. His heart was a raging, thunderous beat, and he didn't dare move from his position a mere five feet away. She hadn't yet turned toward him, but the ravages of her fasting were evident enough.

Touch her, smell her, taste her-

The instincts were running a river. he fisted his hands at his sides."

"But there she was. His mate. She was nothing like Jesminda."

"Elain had been...thrown at him."

"That circle of people who now claimed to be Feyre's new family...It was what, long ago, he'd once thought life at Tamlin's court would be. An ache like a blow to the chest went through him, but he crossed the rug."

"But he couldn't breathe as she faced him fully. She was the most beautiful female he'd ever seen. Betrayal, queasy and oily, slid through his veins. He'd said the same to Jesminda once. But even as shame washed through him, the words, the senses chanted, Mine. You are mine, and I am yours."

"She looked away- towards the windows. 'I can hear your heart,' she said quietly. He wasn't sure how to respond, so he said nothing and drained his tea even as it burned his mouth.

'When I sleep,' she murmured, 'I can hear your heart beating through the stone.' She angled her head, as if the city view held some answer. 'Can you hear mine?'

He wasn't sure if she truly meant to address him, but he said, 'No, lady. I cannot.'"

These are Lucien's thoughts from Feyre's perspective. He has no idea she's in his head, so why is he thinking all those things? Why feel guilt that he finds her beautiful or that he'd once said all the same things to Jesminda that he thinks about Elain? Why care about her well-being? We know mates are driven to protect and Lucien's very first thoughts about Elain are ones of concern. She's not eating, she's too thin, how can she possibly stand? Not, hahaah my evil planned worked and I totally have an in with the Night Court (which, why would he need considering Tamlin is currently allied with Hybern and Lucien could have taken full advantage of that?).

Additionally, assuming Lucien is faking the mating bond for some poorly defined, evil plot, why keep such distance? Why not force himself on her? That's the claim, right? That he's forcing her to be with him which is amusing because in ACOFAS, Lucien has some thoughts on page 162"

"'How is she?'

'Better. She makes no mention of her abilities. If they remain.'

'Good. But is she still...' A muscle flickered in his jaw. 'Does she still mourn him?'"

First question he asks. "How is she?" Followed by if she's still in love with her ex-fiance. And I can hear the screaming now, "HE ASKED BECAUSE HE WANTS TO OWN HER" but like, on page 165 of ACOFAS, we get:

"I can't stand to be in the same room as her for more than two minutes."

Truly a stupid plan to fake a mating bond with a person that is causing you to be eaten alive with guilt and longing. We know the second he's around her, Lucien's is overwhelmed with the mating instincts and feels guilt over Jesminda, which is why he spends little time around Elain. He also tells Feyre, on that same page, he doesn't want his life to be financed by Rhysand. Feyre practically begs Lucien to move back to Velaris, to work for her full time, to let her set him up somewhere nicer and Lucien declines it all. If his plan hinged on getting closer to the IC, to using Rhys' resources, why tell her no? Why not take her up on it? Why not make him part of her life in a much more tangible way?

And finally, the dreaded scent of the mating bond. Feyre doesn't risk talking to Rhys when she's in Spring for fear of alerting everyone to the scent of the bond. Azriel, too, cannot stand the smell of it to the point he stands in the doorway during solstice rather than come in.

Ladies, Gentleman, and Non-binary pals of the jury, examine the evidence. For Lucien to be a villain, he has to KNOW that Feyre is a daemati before she does and both leave his thoughts unguarded while constantly assuming she MIGHT be picking through them. He also has to be able to control large amounts of people at the same time via the smell of the bond and Elain being able to feel it. When he tugs, she responds.

It would require everyone around them to be incredibly dumb. Feyre and Rhys basically share a mind and while they don't necessarily trust Lucien (unfairly imo), I firmly believe one of them would have picked up on a fake bond or Lucien's scheming.

Lucien wanted Jesminda, not Elain. If he decided to punish the world around him for the consistent pain he was enduring, he doesn't need Elain to achieve this. He's friends with Feyre. He has contacts all over Prythian. He didn't need to fake a mating bond, nor does it make any sense to do so. What they have is REAL.

And lastly, the bond can't be broken. Rejected, yes, broken no. Regardless if you think they'll keep it or not, they ARE mates and Lucien is NOT the villain who will be heroically slaughtered. They're awkward, they're uncomfortable, they have shit to work out but they ARE mates, and Lucien has proven over and over that all he wants is a home and goddamn peace and quiet.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Stronger Together

"Dreamer!"

Lena's alarm sears across Nia's senses. She registers the danger at the corner of her eye-- a Brevakk ripping off his sleeves to expose the keratinized spurs protruding from his arms. One sweep of his arm and she'll be dead, skewered in a spray of thick quills sharp enough to penetrate her suit and lacerate any organ they could reach. But she's locked in battle with a K'hund attacking from the front, so all she can do is brace for the inevitable impact.

Suddenly, Nia's view of the Brevakk is eclipsed by the shadow of Lena's back.

"NO!"

The force of the thorns' impact knocks Lena fron her feet, slamming into Nia and causing them both to go down with a cry. Lena's gauntlet fires once, stunning the Brevakk with a glancing blow. Nia throws her own arm out towards her opponent in a desperate bid to gain some ground. The blast of dream energy sends him flying, and when Nia doesn't notice that he doesn't rise again. Her attention is locked on Lena, and the half dozen quills that have found a home in her chest.

"Lena, Lena, oh my god." Nia's hands shake as she climbs out from under Lena and kneels beside her on the pavement. "No, no, no..."

Lena's eyes are glassy and dazed. She looks down at the horns, reaching drunkenly towards them only for Nia to pull her hands away.

"Why did you do that?"

Nia's suit wouldn't have helped much, but it was better than Lena's blouse-- a silly silken thing now ripped and torn, digging into the edges of the wounds around the quills. Lena had no protection beside her gauntlet, and still she had jumped between them.

"N-nia..." Lena's voice crackles in her throat. She coughs, and blood spatters across her chin, staining her berry-red lips a color far more sinister.

Nia's heart lurches with panic. Her head whips up in search of Kara, but Supergirl isn't here. She's on the other side of the city with J'onn, fighting further unrest there. Her eyes lock on another figure, black leather instead of blue.

"ALEX!!"

Nia's shriek cuts through the din, and Sentinel's head whips towards her. In an instant, the pistol in her hand shifts into a warhammer, and Alex slams it down on her opponent, all thoughts of mitigating casualties forgotten. She skids to her knees beside Nia, nearly elbowing her out of the way to crouch over Lena.

"Lena? Jesus... Lena! Can you hear me? Look at me, look at me--"

Lena's eyes track to Alex, and Nia chokes on a sob when she sees the fear in them. But Alex only calms.

"Good, you're okay," Alex tells her, stroking Lena's hair once with a gentle hand. "You're going to be okay."

With her free hand, Alex fumbles for the watch on Lena's wrist, flipping open its face and silently pressing the symbol embossed there. She doesn't take her eyes off Lena for a moment, and when the signal is active Alex slides her palm into Lena's, which curls tightly around hers.

"H-hurts--"

Lena's breath begins to quicken, and the corners of her eyes pinch with the onset of pain. The shock is quickly wearing off, leaving nothing to dull the pain. Alex nods, giving Lena's hand a squeeze.

"I know, but it's going to be okay," she promises. "We're going to get you somewhere safe--"

Supergirl touches down at the moment, pavement cracking beneath the force of her panic. "Lena!!"

Kara kneels opposite her sister, taking in the damage with wide eyes. She grips Lena's free hand tightly, even as she looks to Alex for instructions.

"Hospital," Alex says simply, urgency clipping her tone. "Now."

Kara nods, and gently maneuvers Lena into her arms. Lena cries out, the sound sharp in Nia's ears. When Nia blinks, tears dampen the fabric of her mask.

"I'm sorry," Kara murmurs, pressing her nose to the side of Lena's head. "I'm sorry."

"K-kar--" Lena gasps for breath, coughing up more blood. Her back now visible, Nia sees that one of the thorns has penetrated so deeply that it tents the back of Lena's shirt.

"It's okay," Kara echoes the well-meaning lie of her sister. "I've got you."

In a burst of wind, Kara takes off, and Nia sits dazed in her wake. It's long moments before she registers Alex's insistent hands tugging her up.

"It was supposed to be me," Nia intones, flat with shock. "She--"

"I know," Alex cuts her off, not unkindly. She tugs Nia to her feet then shoves her into a run. "But we need to go. Now!"

Together, they make their retreat, leaving the alley and the unconscious aliens behind just as the distant wail of approaching sirens cuts through the air.

---

Nia wastes no time in stripping off her costume and changing back into her civvies. But before she can reach the exit, Alex cuts her off. "You can't go to the hospital."

Surprise jolts through Nia, before its quickly replaced with anger. "Are you insane?"

"Nia--"

"I can't just wait here-- she-- those barbs were meant for me, Alex! She's hurt because of me. I can't not be there!"

"Kara just called."

Time seems to freeze. Nia feels ice pool in her veins as a lump climbs to her throat and lodges there. "No..."

Alex rushes to reassure her. "No! That's not-- no, Lena's still in surgery. But-- the police are there."

Nia's relief that Lena is alive cuts short with confusion. "What? Why?"

"They're there to take Lena into custody."

"They can't do that!"

"She's aided and abetted known vigilantes," Alex explains. "With everything that's been happening lately--"

"It's not right!"

"Lena will be fine. Truly. Kara is going to CatCo to get Andrea to make the arrest as public as possible. Between that and the Luthor reputation, my guess is that they'll question her about our identities and then let her go."

"That's-- that's--" Nia struggles to find words through her growing rage. The helplessness of the past few months, the rising anti-alien sentiments, the crackdown on Supergirl on her friends... it all comes to a head, and Nia can barely breathe.

Alex reaches for Nia's hand. "If you go now, you'll only risk exposing yourself. Lena wouldn't want that."

Nia sucks in a breath, but it comes in a sob. The next thing she knows, Alex's arms are around her and she's crying into her shoulder, huge lurching sobs that feel like the world is quaking around her.

"It's okay," Alex promises.

"It's my fault," Nia gasps. "It's all my fault..."

"Lena's going to be okay."

---

Nia may not be able to go to the hospital, but she can't stay in the Tower either. In the end she goes to CatCo, ready to throw her weight behind Kara's pitch to fry the police in the press. Luckily, Andrea doesn't need the convincing.

"I want both of you on this," their boss delivers with a coolness sharpened to a razors edge by the glint of rage in her eyes. "William too. I want you to dig up anything you can find about the arresting officers. Any whisper of corruption within the NCPD that you might have been sitting on, now is your time to air it. CatCo won't stand for this."

Nia and Kara both nod solemnly before retreating to their desks. But instead of diverting to her own desk, Kara follows Nia to hers.

"How are you holding up?"

The gentle question threatens a resurgence of tears. Nia looks away, only for her eyes to catch on the photo of her and Lena on her desk, taken at one of their sister nights the year before. Nia can't remember the last time they've hung out, just the two of them.

Blinking furiously, Nia flips the picture down and opens up her laptop. "Fine."

"It's okay to not be fine..."

"Do you want to know if I'm angry that my friend is alone in the hospital because of me? Fine! I'm angry!"

Kara's features soften. "Nia..."

"It's my fault she's there in the first place!" Nia hisses. The lump returns to her throat, and her eyes burn with unshed tears. "She just, just... she just jumped between us! I should've--"

"Hey." Kara calms her with a hand on her shoulder. Nia sucks in a breath, then another, trying to steady herself. Finally, Kara's features pinch into a bemused smile. "You know Lena... There's no line she won't cross, for the people she cares about."

Instead of comforting her, Kara's words only makes Nia grit her teeth. She turns back to the computer. They better be willing to do the same for her.

"Let's get to work."

----

The first article runs the following morning, skewering the police department for rampant anti-alien abuses while highlighting Lena's charity and outreach. While it's not quite enough to banish the police presence from the hospital, it does get a single visitor in to see Lena. Nia expects Kara to take it, but to her surprise Kara simply nods her towards the door.

"Go," Kara says softly. "Give her our love."

Nia doesn't stop to ask twice. She's ushered into Lena's hospital room by a kindly looking nurse, glaring at the officer posted outside the door on her way in. The second her eyes land on Lena, rage swells in her chest at the side of the handcuffs tethering Lena to the bed.

"Is that really necessary?" she demands, balling her hands into fists. "Where is she going to go?"

"Nia..." Lena's soft voice from the bed interrupts her before she can gather much steam. "It's okay."

Nia huffs, eyeing the way the officer slowly moves his hand from his sidearm when Nia turns back to the room. But then all she can see is Lena, hair limp and torso bulky with bandages under her hospital gown.

"It's not okay," Nia says, sitting in the chair thats been placed next to Lena's bed.

"It's just a misunderstanding," Lena insists, her gaze sliding towards the door. The door itself remains open, denying them any sense of privacy. But Lena doesn't seem to mind when her gaze returns to Nia. "You okay?"

Nia chokes on her own tongue. "Am I--? Lena, you're in the hospital..."

"And I'm okay." Lifting her cuffed wrist, Lena silently reaches for Nia's hand, which Nia offers without hesitation. "Promise."

All of a sudden, the tears come back, pressing against her eyelids as she squeezes her eyes shut. "I promised myself I wouldn't cry--"

"It's okay," Lena assures her. "I'm okay."

"You shouldn't have--"

"Been there in the alley? When that guy tried to mug me?" Lena asks pointedly. Clearly, she's already established her cover story. "You're right, I should have known better." She pitches her voice loud enough to carry to the door. "I'm just lucky Sentinel and Dreamer were there to help me."

They wait a moment to listen for a response, but when none comes, they devolve into a fit of giggles.

"Ow," Lena grimaces with a cough. "No laughing for a while."

Nia tightens her grip on Lena's hand. "I... Lena, I'm so sorry--"

"I'd do it again," Lena returns, softly this time. Her words are for Nia alone. "That's what friends do."

---

Alex turns out to be right. As soon as Lena is well enough to leave the hospital, she's taken to the precinct for interrogation, but between CatCo's articles stirring up enough local support that a crowd forms around the precinct to protest the arrest, and the kind of lawyers a Luthor can acquire even after abandoning the family legacy, Lena is released without charge in a matter of hours.

Nia stays at the Tower hoping to see her, but Lena doesn't come.

"She's guessed she's probably being watched," Alex tells her. "She'll being laying low for a while til the heat dies down. All the better, honestly. It'll give her time to heal."

Nia swallows thickly. "Where is she?"

"Home. Kara's with her, but I'm sure she'd love to see you."

Nia approaches Lena's condo without much of a plan. She's armed with snacks and movies, but she knows that having Kara there won't give Nia the time with Lena she needs. She misses Lena, all more the more since she realized how long it had been since they'd just been... friends. More than allies, more than teammates, just... friends.

It feels like Maeve all over again.

But she swallows her nerves and takes the elevator up. Kara opens the door just as Nia lifts her hand to knock.

"Hey," Kara says quietly. She steps aside to let Nia in, and though she can hear the tv from the next room, they linger in the foyer.

"Is everything okay?" Kara asks.

Nia nods. "Yeah. Um. I just--"

She doesn't have an explanation either. Nia stares at her feet, until Kara breaks the silence.

"Look, I have a favor to ask..."

"Yeah?"

"Would you mind staying with Lena for a few hours?"

When Nia looks up, she finds Kara scrubbing the back of her head with one hand, looking sheepish.

"Yeah," she continues, "I've been kind of... hovering? And I think it's getting on her nerves a little. So I figured I could get some stuff done at CatCo--"

"Yes," Nia blurts. "Yes, of course. I'll stay."

Kara grins. "Thanks. She's in the living room now, if you want to..."

"Right. Yeah, I've got this. Go."

Kara thanks her with another smile that makes her whole face shine. "Call if you need anything."

She slips out the door with a wink, and locks it behind her. Nia walks to the living room on wooden legs, and finds Lena laying on the couch against a pile of pillows, propping her up to take the pressure off her wounds.

She looks up when Nia enters, and though her eyes are tired, her features crease into a smile. "Hey..."

"Hey."

Lena struggles to sit up, prompting Nia to close the distance swiftly. "No, no, no, stay comfy."

Relenting with a sigh, Lena groans. "Not like I have much choice these days."

"It'll get better."

Silence follows. Nia stands awkwardly, hands gripping her bag of candy tightly until Lena regards it with curiosity.

"What's all this?"

Nia starts. "Oh. Uhm... I thought-- well, I was wondering..." She trails off, shoulders slumping. "It's been a while since we've had sister's night."

When Lena doesn't answer, Nia risks a glance up to find Lena blinking in astonishment, before her features soften to warmth. She smiles.

"Well, there's no time like the present."

Lena lifts her arms, making playful grabby motions with her hands.

"What'd you bring me?"

----

Hours later, Kara returns home to find Nia seated on the couch with Lena's legs across her lap. It's as close to cuddling as Lena can get, with her injuries, and the way Nia's hands are spread over Lena's shins tells Kara that the contacr was very much needed.

Lena sleeps peacefully, the tv low in the background. Nia looks up at Kara from the shadows, the light reflecting in the tear tracks painted on her cheeks. Without a word, Kara slips in next to Nia, working her way under Lena's ankles to wrap one arm around the younger girl's shoulders.

Nia hugs her back, shaking quietly with the effort to keep her crying silent.

"It's okay," Kara whispers. Nia nods against her. So long as they were all together, they could get through anything.

"We're going to be okay."

[alygatorwrites]

can I request a lil something? during the end of the manga or after the timeskip if you haven't read it yet, reiner still has feelings for historia and reader has one-sided feelings for him.

pieck gives reiner a small hint, saying he's wasting time while there's someone close to him that cares for him and points to you. he doesn't understand at first and maybe is conflicted about his feelings for you because of historia. reader is cool about it as she doesn't expect him to reciprocate her feelings.

a rollercoaster of emotions later, maybe there is a happy ending tho? i am curious to see what you can come up with 😭😭 i have dreaming of this scenario before bed and i can't help but get jealous of his crush on historia abjdsndks maybe you can help reiner reciprocate reader-chan's feelings or not

thank u so much aly 💖🥺

reciprocation

pairing: reiner braun x reader

a/n: OMG yesss! honestly, i was kinda annoyed at how reiner still had a crush on historia. i know that isayama wanted to show how everything went back to normal, but i was hoping that reiner would have a bigger role in the allied nations instead of being "dumbed down" to having an obsession with her. MAYBE THATS JUST THE JEALOUSY SPEAKING LMAO 😭 i was hoping this would be longer, although school has been killing me so im really sorry!! i hope its okay 💗💕 thank you honey!

↳ to be added to my taglist, please fill out this ♡form♡

as reiner is handed historia’s letter, you fold your hands on the table and watch him without a word. when he reads the lines and smells the parchment - jean saying something snarky afterward - you say nothing.

you want reiner to be happy: you want to see him at ease like this more, face soft as the leaf of the page flits from his pinched fingers.

and so you let the man speak about historia like she’s a damn goddess, gushing over her handwriting, and keep your goddamn mouth shut. ignore your jealousy. your feelings.

the truth is, you’re in love with reiner.

you can’t even remember how it happened, but you can remember the first time you looked into those hazel eyes, and how you knew that they were going to stick with you for eternity.

you’ve come to accept his crush on the queen, though. reciprocation was never an option in your mind.

when jean begins to chew reiner out for lusting after a married woman, and reiner says something about jean being a horse, pieck’s gaze lands on you. “you’re rather quiet,” she says softly, resting her head on her palm.

you shrug, turning away from her. “i’m just tired.”

pieck catches your chin between her lithe fingers, and turns you to face her with a tiny smile. the young woman is very perceptive, and you’ve known her long enough. 

that’s when you notice the twinkle in her eye. she’s planning something.

pieck releases your jaw then, sitting up in her chair. “you’re wasting your time, reiner,” she says suddenly. “there’s already someone you know who cares for you.”

you pretend to not hear pieck - and definitely pretend you don’t see her faintly point at you through your peripheral. the movement of her fingers is barely there, but you catch it.

damn you, pieck.

the way you’re now pinned underneath armin, jean, connie, and reiner’s stares makes your stomach tie itself into knots with bubbling reluctance. shit, this is awkward. you want to run away.

still, you peer over to study reiner’s reaction. he looks confused at first, the contours of his face unreadable. you swear you see connie facepalm at the man’s cluelessness.

then reiner’s expression slowly changes: his eyes widen in awe, lips parting slightly, and brows knitting together. he seems genuinely surprised - and conflicted.

conflicted? why?

there’s no time to explain yourself though, because the door creaks open and annie steps in. her words fall on your deaf ears, and when everyone stands up to leave, you’re the first one out of the room. work beckons you as always.

two days pass.

you’ve been busy filling out tons of paperwork pertaining to the allied nations, so when you’re finally given a day off, you take it with open arms. 

freedom at last.

you lean against a bench outside of headquarters, enjoying the salty breeze that flutters along your skin. it’s dusk, the sky covered in a gradient of neon colors as the sun dips below the horizon.

you haven’t seen reiner since that day in the conference room. you wonder how he’s doing, what he’s thinking, how he’s holding up -

“hey.”

speak of the devil. you glance over your shoulder toward the voice, low and familiar.

reiner approaches you, clad in his uniform: the suit hugs his large frame perfectly, showing every flex of his muscles, and his blonde hair is neatly parted. the black tie looped around his neck just pulls it all together. it has you weak at the knees every. single. time.

“hey,” you answer, giving reiner a smile as he stops beside you.

and that’s when your heart lurches at the sight of him.

the sunset highlights reiner’s profile in gold, a heavenly shine that settles upon his blonde lashes and the flawless slope of his nose. the flecks in his irises sparkle – a beautiful mixture of soft browns and muted greens. the only thing you can do right now is admire the man. 

his words are what breaks you out of your daydream.

“work has been crazy lately, huh?” reiner says, focused on the candy-floss clouds and their fluffy shapes.

“well - yeah, pretty much. i don’t want to look at a pen or a piece of paper ever again.”

“that bad?”

“you have no idea. i almost regret marley and paradis reconciling.”

reiner chuckles gently at the joke, but it’s strained. his forehead remains creased, and he’s not really smiling. the emotion there is more … doubtful. it’s like he’s having some sort of inner conflict.

hopefully reiner’s not acting cautious because of the other day. you know he doesn’t return your feelings, and that’s totally okay. you’re happy enough being with him like this. “i’m not mad or anything, y’know.”

reiner stiffens at that. there’s a white flash of teeth when he chews on his lower lip. “i know.”

“good,” you hum, breathing out a sigh of relief. your core twists with envy when you force a grin. bite it back. tease him like always. “so about historia … ”

reiner’s eyes go wide almost comically, and you hear the breath in his lungs leave his firm chest in one exhale. there’s a light blush staining his cheeks now. it’s funny; he’s so goddamn big, yet he’s such a teddy bear.

“y-yeah,” reiner mutters. you observe the way his brows pinch together as he awkwardly shifts in place. it takes a while before the man composes himself again, which is strange.

is he scared or something? what the hell?

“pieck,” reiner hesitates for a moment. the golden strands of his hair ruffle in the wind and he appears ... well, lost. “was she being serious?”

the question is a shocker - jeez, he could have at least let you prepare yourself. a firm ‘no’ almost slips out, but you’ve never been much of a liar. not to reiner, anyway. crossing your arms against your chest, you inhale sharply and nod. avoid staring at him face-to-face. “yep.”

“ … why me?”

reiner says the words with a mixture of spite and anguish, a casual and rumbling voice. you immediately turn your head, frowning. “what?”

“i’ve done so many horrible things.” reiner exhales heavily and stares down at his hands; perhaps he’s imagining all the blood they’ve been stained with. “i betrayed everyone. i killed innocent people - all because i was selfish.”

it’s no surprise that reiner is broken after everything he’s been through, but it pains you to know that he continues to suffer in silence. whatever war is raging inside his ribcage tears him apart piece by piece, and you wish you could carry the burden. 

there’s probably nothing you can say to convince reiner that he was just a kid, a victim of circumstance. there’s nothing that can persuade him to see himself the way you do.

so you decide to tell reiner why you love him. 

you explain the amount of admiration you hold for him. tell him that you love the way he just wants to be someone his comrades can lean on, like a big brother. tell him that you think he’s the most gorgeous person you’ve ever seen and how you think he deserves the world.

the way you spill your guts out snaps every nerve in your body. you don’t say everything you want to – but you tell him enough. a dark flush spreading across your face, you find the courage to look at him.

the world seems to stop on its axis when you find reiner staring right on back. the intensity of his eyes is stunning; they’re lit up with astonishment and affection.

god, the affection. you see it clear as day. maybe one of the greatest regrets in his life is how he forced himself to see you only as a friend.

that’s when he reaches out to you.

reiner retracts his hand twice, unsure, before slowly brushing his fingertips against yours. the touch is so feather-light that you almost can’t feel it. it’s a test - he’s waiting to see if you pull away. you can’t even move if you wanted to, because his fond gaze keeps you rooted to the spot before him. 

when you don’t recoil, reiner finally moves to gently hold your hand; his palm is so much bigger than yours, and your fingers slot together perfectly, like a jigsaw puzzle’s final piece. 

heart thrumming like a hummingbird has been stuffed into your chest, you’re almost at a loss for words and come to a realization.

this utterly amazing man likes you. always has. 

but reiner shoved away the feelings for one simple reason; you deserved ‘better.’ focusing on the old crush he had on historia was a distraction - an attempt to convince himself to stop thinking about you.

because looking at you everyday and not being able to act upon his feelings was too painful.

“is this okay?” reiner asks lowly. there’s a slight pinkness to his cheeks, the color of a selfless love.

by some miracle, you manage to nod dumbly. “yeah, of course. it’s fine.” it’s amazing is what you actually want to say.  

reiner squeezes your hand at the reassurance, a sigh escaping from his throat. “i really—”

you wait for him to finish, but he doesn’t. reiner just searches your profile for signs of discomfort, and then untwines your hands to bravely swipe a thumb along the length of your cheekbone. 

there’s no time to speak because he’s already leaning down.  

the sensation of reiner’s lips pressing against yours lights your skin ablaze; you can feel the curling flames of passion sear your soul, made even more intense by the warmth of the sunlight on your back.

it’s natural, it’s tender, it’s warm.

reiner’s breath rattles into your mouth when you rest both palms against his solid chest and deepen the kiss. the musky smell of his aftershave and cologne envelops you completely, and fuck, it’s so good. your arms wrap around him, fingers passing over the sharp slopes of his shoulder blades.

as much as you wish the kiss could go on endlessly, there are people gathering outside. avoiding any unwanted attention from nosy strangers is very much appreciated.

you pull away to nuzzle your nose into reiner, and he rests his chin on your shoulder, protective arms moving to loop around your waist. it’s such an intimate caress that it sparks your brain into overdrive.

as the rushing sound of the breeze comes back to your ears through the quiet, you tuck the kiss away to be remembered forever. that’s all there is to it. being close to reiner like this - swaying together like wildflowers in the wind - is more important than anything else.

“i like you,” reiner murmurs.

the suddenness of it makes you laugh, and you can feel the upward quirk of reiner’s lips - a whisper of a peaceful smile and a sweet, sweet promise.

[raincamp]

08 05 2023

shall i talk about the dreaded intake appointment from thursday? the one i spent weeks avoiding? the one that's been the catalyst for my intense feelings of grief and rage for the past month?

uneventful, absolutely nothing happened, there was no fucking justifiable reason why i was so adamantly against it, why i made myself go through so much pain just to avoid doing it. my paranoia got the best of me again

the dude's fine and has made no effort to piss me off so far. he graciously took the third-chair in my treatment team, and refers to my primary therapist as if she's the one he's reporting to— because he is— and i really appreciate his recognition of the hierarchy here.

he said something like "i totally understand that you dont want to be here and you're just here to tick a box so you can get back to work with [primary therapist]," after i expressed my disinterest in his treatment plans. like. thank you for acknowledging the fact that i dont want to work with you, at all, and am here against my will.

he does IFS which I didn't know beforehand, i've actually always wanted to try IFS but prioritized DBT because i know that it works for me already. so im excited to try that? surprisingly? or at least just learn more about it. im a therapy nerd what can i say? i could talk about it for hours. i have talked about it for hours before, i have spent entire sessions talking meta about therapy.

idk why but i was kind of paranoid he would try to replace my PT but he hasnt made any effort to do so. i was able to talk about her, and mention superficially how my relationship with her has been a trigger for my cough dependence cough and like, it was kind of weird talking to a therapist about my sessions with another therapist? but he was totally chill with it, didn't say anything like "maybe you two aren't a good fit" (we are though) like the people at the hospital did. it was refreshing to say the least

hes very Christian though, went to my dad's rival Catholic highschool, has mentioned me doing 12 step, im a bit hesitant to trust for these reasons. he mentioned how he thinks addiction is a lack of spiritual completion or whatever, i think thats total absolute bullshit and i'm gonna tell him that the next session that i don't spend 76% of the time dissociating while he talks

hes a lot more personable than im used to, he started the intake by spending 8 minutes self-disclosing information about himself, which was such a weird experience to me. he told me he has a family and children and a wife, i have literally never had a therapist tell me about their home life before unless it was in context of my treatment.

another thing thats annoying me is lack of admistrative coordination. i was supposed to get emailed an ROI for my PT yesterday (still haven't) and a signed excuse note so that i can actually go to my session with my PT next week, and if I don't get those im fucked. like. i'm actually going to be so mad if his lack of organization prevents me from being able to see her. i am going to stab him.

he also has a lot less boundaries than im used to which i feel like might be a recipe for disaster considering the fact that im borderline. he mentioned in detail how he doesn't like the power imbalance between therapists and clients and how he thinks it should be more like we're on equal ground. he described this visually with his fingers interlacing. and like, i get it, but also, i need that seperation there. i need therapists to recognise that i cannot keep myself from becoming attached, and create that distance between us, and keep those little boundaries stable and reinforced so that i don't get triggered or somehow fuck up the relationship with my symptoms. yk?

like we can have a close therapeutic relationship without making it so that we're on equal ground or enmeshed with each other as per interlacing-finger-visual-description.

the lack of boundaries just worries me. like he just gave me his phone number and was like "text me if you need me" like do you realize that if there ever comes a time that my PT has abandoned me and i need help, you have now opened yourself up to me spam texting and/or splitting on you over the phone? i already abuse my phone coaching privileges and annoy the fuck out of my PT, if there weren't by-the-book boundaries in place with DBT our therapeutic relationship would have gone to shit by now. he also kept me 15 minutes over time even though he had another client after me? if i were that client I would've split on him and left. its giving unprofessionalism.

im definitely going to have to make him set clear boundaries with me, for saving my own dignity.

i dont hate him rn tho i think thats the most important thing

- andrew

[gale-gentlepenguin]

ML Ficlet: As Always

It was hazy,

The room was dark and unfamiliar.

"Where am I." A blond teen questioned as he tried to look around only to see darkness.

"The place doesn't matter. What matters is that you are here Adrien." Another voice spoke up. It felt sinister yet familiar.

The model got into a fighting stance.

"How do you know my name?"

"Relax, I am not here to fight you." The voice assured.

Adrien looked to his jacket pocket, expecting his Kwami to be there. But the black cat was not there.

As his eyes adjusted to the dark room, he realized he didn't have his ring either.

"Looking for your miraculous? Im afraid it isn't here." The voice explained.

"What did you do? What did you do to Plagg. Do you work for Shadowmoth!?" Adrien accused. His fists clenched and his face showing visible rage.

"I have done nothing to your Kwami Companion. I am not your enemy Adrien. In fact, I am a friend."

"A friend? I don't think I like the idea of being friends with you." Adrien responded.

The voice began laughing.

"You think you have a choice? You are running out of options for friends."

"I have plenty of friends!" Adrien shot back.

"Do you now?"

"Yes! Lots of them. My classmates for one!"

"Ah yes, because that won't simply end after you change classes."

"There's Plagg, Ladybug, Nino, Marinette, Kagami, Chloé and thats just off the top of my head."

The haze in the room starts moving.

"Ah yes, your childhood friend chloé."

The room lights up, showing a memory of Adrien trying to reach out to Chloé over the whole movie debacle. But Chloé runs off.

"You ended that one pretty quickly didn't you. Though to be fair, she was an awful person." the voice mocked.

Adrien growled but quickly recovered. He knew that the disembodied voice was trying to get to him.

"But that was an easy one, lets go on to your ex."

The memory of chloé being shown shifted to the memory of Adrien's break up with Kagami.

"Such a harsh end, but you really didn't give her much of a choice did you Adrien? If not for your parents, she would likely have nothing to do with you."

"She... we needed some time apart. It doesn't mean we aren't friends..." Adrien spoke, more to convince himself than the voice.

"Now lets shift to Marinette. Considering how she tries to avoid you at every turn. I wouldn't call that friendship."

Memories shifting to show marinette's jumpy behavior, and how she avoids him at times. Adrien remembered each of those moments, not really getting a read on Marinette.

"She is able to make friends with others so easily, yet your dynamic with her is... stagnant."

Memories of Adrien seeing how Marinette talked with other classmates, other friends. He had to admit it was true. Marinette did always seem so close yet far away.

"And then there is your 'Friend' Nino."

The haze shifted to reveal his glasses wearing friend.

"All the times you missed hang outs, the last minute ditching, the inability to stand up to your father. You only cause him pain."

The memories of each apology he made before running off, the memory of seeing Nino consumed with guilt over him. It stung.

"Stop, you are just showing the bad times! There are more than enough good times. Your little trick won't work for Ladybug or Plagg."

"Oh I wasn't going to bother showing memories of those two. Because there is no point to it." The voice jeers.

Adrien felt his anger flare. The voice continues.

Suddenly the haze around them turned into a view of the solar system.

"Kwami live for eons. Your life to Plagg, a being that specializes in death and decay. Your life span is the equivalent to him blinking. He will forget about you not long after your gone. You were just one holder of his, and even if you are his favorite one now, that can easily change. You are as small as grain of sand is to the solar system "

Adrien held in his pain, those words stung to hear. But it was true, whatever he and Plagg did have was not an equal friendship, not like he had with other people. Even if he did cherish it.

"There is Ladybug! Thats a friendship on equal terms! Try ruining that one."

The voice was silent for a moment. Adrien felt that he had stumped the mysterious voice. Only for the voice to start cackling.

"Equal? Friendship?! Your dynamic is the worst one of all your little 'Friendships.'"

"Lies! You don't understand our bond! Im irreplaceable to her! She said she couldn't be Ladybug without me."

"She seemed to get on fine whenever you're incapacitated. Like say... mindcontrolled, turned into a golden statue, turned into a zombie, transformed into a pigeon. All of those times she was able to figure it out. She can be ladybug plenty fine without you."

"There is more to it! We trust each other!"

"Is that why she trusts Rena Rouge more than you?"

"..W...What?" Adrien felt his voice shake.

"Dont pretend you didn't realize it. You are not as foolish as they think you are. Rena Rouge always showing up whenever Ladybug is in a tight spot. She showed up with Kaalki when you and Marinette were trapped in an elevator."

The memory of that moment appearing in the haze.

"Ladybug.... could have sent her to do that." Adrien tried to justify.

"If Ladybug was there at all, she understands how dangerous Kwami using their powers are. It must have been a dire situation. And Rena Rouge had access to the other miraculous?"

Adrien felt himself pause.

"She can trust other people. There is nothing wrong with that?"

"Face the Truth Adrien, you aren't Ladybug's partner anymore. Your the last remnant of Fu that she keeps around out of nostalgia. You staying as chat noir is temporary, she didn't pick you to be her partner. Now she is the guardian, and she is picking who to trust. Its only a matter of time before she realizes the ones she can't trust enough."

Adrien felt tears stream down his cheeks.

"Stop it!"

"Whats worse is that when she does, she takes plagg with her. You lose both of them." The voice's tone softens, almost trying to cushion the blow.

"You don't know anything about me! You don't know anything!"

"I know that you're alone as always."

Adrien screamed in rage and sorrow. the haze showing the memories vanished.

It was dark again. Adrien had slid to his knees.

"You don't know..." He muttered

"Oh but Adrien, I know you better than you think." The voice said as the blond felt a hand on his shoulder.

Adrien looked up to see a greater with soulless green eyes.

"I think I know myself pretty well."

_________________________________________________________

Adrien's eyes shot open.

He was back in his room. On the pillow next to him, he saw his kwami sleeping soundly.

He touched his forehead. He could feel himself sweat. He needed some water.

He got up from his bed and walked to the bathroom. He took a glass and filled it up. Taking a moment, he looked at the mirror.

There he saw that his reflection was that of a blond clad in a black cat costume. And the reflection started to speak.

"I know you very well Adrien."