#so funny like i really dont think i have much of a natural talent for drawjng like at allll its like guesswork to me

[ravenbloodshot]

Beomgyu- TxT....Insecurities vs. Confidences

Insecurities

He may be the type to argue with his friends or his members and get angry with them, then feel very insecure about how warranted his anger really was. Even when he is rightfully angry with someone and fights with them, later when the heat dies down he's left with his thoughts and their not that kind to him. He can think things like "why couldn't you just keep it together, huh? You always do this dumb shit". And like I said, he could have a pretty good reason to be angry in the first place but he still ends up feeling guilty

His anger scares him. I feel like Beomgyu may genuinely pity ppl that is at the receiving end of his temper (and not in a egotistical way of "you dont want to fuck with me" way but in a serious/deep pity for those who face him in that state of rage). I don't think he would even want to fight with him.

He's insecure about his musical talents and just his taste in music in general. He may question how much worth he personally brings to the group, this insecurity becomes heightened during times he has fewer lines in TxT songs. He may not think he gives much to the fans for them to like him so he may even question why he has solo stans.

Beomgyu has two sides to him, light and dark. He's VERY afraid of his dark side. He has a bit of a undercover sadistic side (not anything too extreme), where he may enjoy seeing others in pain or in a pitiful state where they resort to begging him for something. Later, he wants to be the one who saves the person and puts them out if their misery but the initial state of them being in a vulnerable state brings him a kind of pleasure he doesn't like to acknowledge or face head on. He would even lower his standards for the type of person he would befriend or date just based off of this undercover enjoyment.

He's insecure about speaking English. He may be uncomfortable interacting with foreigners as well

Remember when I mention his little sadist desires. I'm seeing that he fears his sexual preferences and desires just in general, his lust scares him.

Confidences

He's confident in his looks, he enjoys being seen as a 'pretty boy'. He thinks the androgynous aesthetic suits him and he likes when the fans compliment him on his looks. He may like his youth as well, sees it as something to be confident about.

He may particularly like his eyes + eyelashes. Reminds me of when Jessi complimented him on his long, pretty eyelashes and he was blushing, acting all flattered

He's confident when he acts nurturing towards others. He's very motherly and fatherly so I definitely think he could love to care for children and animals. (He could really have a deep desire to become a father).

He enjoys his role in the group as the witty and funny guy that could laugh at himself and his members but still take care of everyone. Like, if you fell, he would be the type to help you up and make sure your okay then proceed to clown you for the rest of your life

He's secure enough within himself to be affectionate with other men.

He can become more confident and just plain happy/cheerful when he's in nature (outside). He could feel anxious at times so I think a cool breeze could help clear his mind and make him feel better.

In relationships (unlike Hyunjin and Yeosang) he's confident in his ability to flirt, seduce and entice his love interest. He could really come alive when stalking put a potential lover and give chase if they play hard to get. (He's confident in his romantic chasing abilities and he likely enjoys doing it as well)

He's sure about not letting past relationships interfere with future ones. He knows that just because it didn't work out in the past doesn't mean that'll be a constant in the future

[zombyne]

Yk I gotta do it- Hiyoko and Ibuki, just for you

😎👉👉

SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT, UNIVERSITY WAS KICKING MY ASS

Ok, two people ask me about THEM so here we are

Lit the reason why everyone knows me is for this ship

What can i say about them:

First let's look a little about them

Ibuki: A girl who lives her life like she want, no one tell her how to live, she can be herself, sadly there's not much official info about her childhood besides she almost die by a coconut and almost end in other country, so people (even myself) think that Ibuki have the "just smile and hide your bad feelings" problem, but she is happy most of the time

Hiyoko: We can say she is the contrary of Ibuki, forced to continue with the clan traditions, away from her own father, living with her abussive grandmother (also believe her grandma actually do a good job taking care of her) being bullied by others in not only verbal ways (dead animals in her bed ,nails in her shoes,poisoned food) and also she was a moving target for just having "Saionji" in her name, and for all of this, she needed to "get strong" "don't be weak" and then she create her coping mechanism, basically saying the worst things (even if she don't really believe in what she was saying) just because she dont want to be hurt again

Now, why are so compatible?

Because her talents and Ibuki's nature

Hiyoko loves Ibuki's music, Ibuki loves Hiyoko's dancing, if someone mess with Ibuki and her music, Hiyoko is the first one in threat that person with crush their skulls, Ibuki have fun with Hiyoko and her bad mouth, and also, because Ibuki's nature, Hiyoko's insults don't work on her, she just laugh, that's why in Hiyoko started to have curiosity of Ibuki

Some people think that Hiyoko hates Ibuki because she live her life like she want, but i think is more inspiration than hate

these two also are the chaos duo, making pranks on People,having funny moments together but also, i think they can help each other to heal up, Hiyoko helping Ibuki with her feelings and Ibuki helping Hiyoko with her coping mechanism

so in resume, i love these two, are hyper underated and deserves more attention because sadly the canon dont show the potential of this two, and i'm not just talking about them as a romantic relationships, but also as a Friendship

[the-rookinator-3000]

hell yeah you’ve got some based headcanons

curious on your headcanons for dot

THANK YOU!!!! i think about them a lot . penguins in my brain. also i can totally do dot hcs !!! (i was wondering when someone would ask cuz i did have a couple in my mind...)

👗 > DOT HCS BELOW!!! MY FAV DISGUISE GAL :3

first of all and i CANNOT stress this enough, trans. she is a trans woman. this is very important!!! RAAHHH

and to add to that i'd like to think that her "design gal" appearance is the product of her finally expressing herself, which is why she's wearing a lot more colorful accessories and trying a new style she usually didn't have prior... and the whole "new passion for fashion" quote is DEFINITELY an indicator of her being more comfortable with herself and her interests, especially branching out to other things that don't have to do with the EPF

dot is fond of giving her fellow agents nicknames! she likes to call rookie "rooks" and (canonically) calls the agent "ace", she also teasingly calls jpg "big guy" just to annoy him

heres some relationship stuff below!

to rookie, she is a very dependable and understanding older sister figure. the two are very close and rookie enjoys going out on missions with her just as much as he enjoys doing so with jpg. dot has always been offering a helping flipper to rookie

to jpg, dot is very sassy and kind of ruthless. she likes to tease him a lot, mostly to see his reaction. but the two do get along, especially when talking about their common interest in fashion. jpg owes a lot to dot's talent and skill, even if he has to take in all of dot's teasing all the time

dot owes a lot to aunt arctic, mostly because of ANOTHER SCENARIO I MADE UP IN MY HEAD but basically it had to do with dot first coming into the island, and more or less being really distant and cold. a lot of that personality really softened when she got recruited into the EPF

occasionally, her old cold-hearted nature can sometimes stick out, especially when she's angry. which is one of the main reasons why jpg never attempts to fight back against her teasing. she is simply too girlboss i fear

i also originally planned for her to be the one who made rookie's hawaiian shirt. i scrapped the headcanon in favor of an oc explanation, but i'll just leave it here :3

dot enjoys scrapbooking and crafts in general! there is a board in her igloo that contains a lot of photos, she is very crafty!

dot's parents are both models, and they taught her how to improvise on fashion when she was younger. that's how she ended up being really good at making disguises out of simple materials.

despite that, dot does not get along well with her family!

dot has crossdressed a lot before, mostly for her disguises, but occasionally she does it for fun.

(semi-canon?) she has a lot of friends around the island, and maybe even moreso in the fashion industry

her personality has hardened a lot more after the events of operation blackout, she became a lot more focused and just.. a teensy tiny bit more stern

everyone in the EPF means a lot to her, she cares about all of them like family. (and she probably cares more about them than her own family but i digress) just like gary, she'd rather be cryogenically frozen 20 times over than see the EPF get destroyed in front of her

she collects squishmallows. i dont know im adding this in

the inside of her igloo is the most pastel purple-pink mess you can possibly think of. (i also thought of her living in a travel trailer? kind of a funny thought ngl)

OKAY I THINK THATS.. MOST OF IT!!! I HOPE THIS WASNT TOO FOCUSED ON OTHER PENGUINS

[tezzbot]

now I'm curious, what other opinions abt the dub do you have 👀👀👀 me and my friends think karamatsu sounds like markiplier

RAY CHASE BESTIE I AM SO SORRY but no youre rightJKGHFJGH

THIS GOT LONG IM PUTTING A READMORE

i do actually really really like Ray Chase as kara but the way that Nakamura pitches his voice down for him and then when something karamatsu isnt like. prepared for or whatever happens he goes back up into his regular vocal range or sometimes a bit higher really adds to karamatsu's whole. everything HJGKHFJGH LIKE his whole identity pretty much IS performance so even his voice being part of his front is so fun to me, Ray Chase's voice feels so naturally deep and smooth that its like. his voice is Too Cool for kara yknow like his voice being Actually cool? karamatsu fucking wishes JHKGJFGHD BUT i do think he is one of the better choices that the casting directors made compared to the rest of the brothers

(AGAIN NOT SHITTING ON THESE EXTREMELY PROLIFIC AND TALENTED VA'S this is just my opinion of them as the ososan characters)

like i said before i have Absolutely zero qualms with Max Mittelman as Totty literally thats a match made in heaven I think he was perfect for the role n absolutely killed it hes so funny and from what ive seen the writers actually gave him so many good lines big ups for todo likers

Kyle McCarley as Ichimatsu i honestly havent seen much of his performance but god did he put is whole pussy into the one episode where he INSISTS they have to respect each other, hes honestly really really good at maintaining the monotone voice while also conveying a lot of emotion through his voice its pretty impressive that he can do the yellingscreaming while keeping that up, Fukuyama Jun's like. jump from monotone to YEEEAAGHHK when ichimatsu is At His Limit is really really funny so i think that these two are pretty much on par with each other while putting their own spin on how the character . i dont know. expresses himself i guess. poggers :thumbs up emoji i cant use cus im typing on desktop:

in a ranking id prob put Ray's kara here but i already did him so. just. in case u wanted to know this is where he goes to me lmfao hes pretty on par with Kyle's ichimatsu to me tbh

Billy Kametz as Osomatsu honestly worked pretty well osomatsu is the most some guy ever and when u listen its like. a little over the top(obv bc its an anime dub) but its definitely a voice youd hear and go yeah ive probably walked past someone what talks like that, again Great delivery on some lines, he does sound a lot less SillyGoofy #girl... frat bro vibes in there tbh But i mean if he was american i guess he kinda would be huh GHJFGHDF he kinda lost how cheeky he sounds in jp also like there are moments but for the most part :( also the way they wrote him (again i havent seen much but from what i Have seen) he doesnt have the same I Love My Little Brothers energy idk how to describe it they all feel like they hate each other more rghjbhjgh

Sean Chiplock ouygugh im so sorry king but also not it for Choromatsu...... casting directors, voice directors, whoever else is involved in the process, if youre gonna cast around your initial reactions to how the characters are why doesnt he sound like a fuckin nerd!!! i get that hes initally played as a Straight Man but you didnt have to Just Some Dude him make him sound like the loser he is!! even like a little nasally! i also think he sounds a little too much like Billy's Osomatsu, (which again not the va's faults i feel its a voice direction issue) when they talk at the same time its kinda hard to tell em apart which might be on me for not watching enough and getting used to it but... sorrie... no from me

Michael Sinterniklaas i have so much repect for you but.... i already said in that other post, the voice they okayed..... everything he was made to say....... no. thats not jyushimatsu. that fuckin. companion character in some fantasy anime ass voice, his whole deal in the dub is too childish imo and i get why that was their first impression but oough his character suffers so so much for it moreso than any of the others.... they massacred my guy..... and this is absolutely not a dig at Michael, ive seen his other work hes incredibly talented, just everything they got him to do as jyushimatsu makes me take critical damage in real life my hp bar drops so so much

Also i really like Cassandra Lee Morris as Totoko but I feel like she doesnt capture the flip between teehee totoko chwwaaannn and KILL KILL KILL voices that Aya Endou manages, he voice is very cutesy, but i feel like she doesnt sound mad enough when totoko gets pissed WHERE IS YOUR ANGER? YOUR RAGE??? RISE RISE RISE RISE RI

also also Keith Silverstein as iyami is honestly really good i didnt really know what to expect but i feel like hes p spot on, idk how iyami-likers feel abt him though lol ask telly or sth HJGHJ

SORRY this got long but i probably was never gonna be happy with the dub, im not gonna get too much into the writing in the localisation but ough. it is Just a comedy show to the dub writers and i can respect that, but the show means a lot to people Because of the characters and how they clearly run deeper than they appear thats a huge part of the appeal for ososan imo and i feel like a lot was lost in the translation. But! it can be pretty funny sometimes and thats all it rlly needs to be, funny haha penis anime

im gonna try and give the dub another shot, ill do me best to grit n bear through it GHJFG

[baconcolacan]

KC interacting w/ everyone else gave me a stroke. Sorry for the swap asks, im just, im just too invested it'll be my demise. Anyways, ready?

1 how would Red and Blue (KC) react to THEMSELVES from regimen?

2 i was curious, does A.K. know about what happened to Tords arm and Toms eyes? Does he know the story behind his parent's quite important injuries? But most importantly, who caused them and how

3 look, i know i know, and i apologize in advance but hear me out, im just, just feeding your imagination- your creativity, yeah! Its, its for your sake..

..so, what if Church's Grimm met Stay and Regimen- I KNOW CG might not even be finished and its the least of your priorities!- but its so different- i cant help but wonder how the others would react to a younger version of them, that isnt in war, ruling, in the military, but are..different in their own way. Also we dont know much about them- And in this one, Tom is quite literally *dead* so im quite curious of how they'd face his spirit, or ghost (who probably has a supernatural power that could be dangerous..or useful..)

I hope you're doing well and taking breaks, you can skip last ask if it spoils too much or for whatever reason! Please remember to appreciate yourself, also know that Castling was fire and insanely fun to read! leader x leader au *chefs kiss* could go on about it for hours, istg you're really out to get us with that talent of urs

PHEW OK CONFERENCE TABLE ASKS LETS GO!

If Red met R.L. I think he'd be very understanding of why he's like that. They virtually have the same goals, although Red isn't as power hungry, he knows that he's more than willing to mutilate the entire world for his own selfish goals, which both he and R.L. will happily admit to. He might be a bit uncomfortable with how off the rails R.L. is mentally, but it's not like he has any room to really judge, he's not as sane and sound as he likes to pretend to be anyway....

If Blue met Tom. Well first of all, Tom wouldn't react too well to the fact that Blue is essentially a mirror of his own Tord, they're both military leaders with a proclivity to violence, and Tom is still at the stage where he's trying to justify everything he's ever done. Blue on the other hand, will happily admit that he's doing what he's doing for his own sake, and since when have we ever cared about other people? They mean nothing to us, might as well have some fun.

Blue thinks this version of himself is pretty funny for being so uptight about his "morals". Then again...he might still have something to lose, so he supposes that's just natural.

2. All AK was ever told when he asked about his parents' injuries was that it was an accident, and that it happened when they were out in an active war theatre. Tord wanted to admit that it was his fault, but Tom stopped him because, to be frank, it wasn't really his fault, he started the war sure, but he wasn't the one that sent the bomb towards them.

3. HSASFJ OK I'll just give a general answer to this for all the aus cause I cant write them all one by one at the moment.

I think, on the side of the Tords, they'd all be surprised that a clearly younger version of themselves (CG Tord is in his early 20s) is such a wallflower, cringing away whenever there are eyes on him or hiding as much as he can in his hoodie. KC and Stay Tord would be pretty sympathetic, Regimen Tord would be appalled at how "weak" he presents himself.

CG Tord just hates looking at them, they're all marked by death, the veil is touching all of their souls, and they're damned. What does that say about his own fate?

The Toms on the other hand, I doubt they'll be able to see their CG version, so I'll just stick with their reaction to CG Tord. KC and Stay Tom will think CG Tord is absolutely precious, more so with Stay Tom because he reminds him of when his husband was a shy little nerd bird teenager, always refusing to go outside to hangout with them unless it involved something he really likes.

Regimen Tom thinks he's creepy, especially because CG Tord would stare at him a lot.

God, what the fuck, now there's a stereotypical creepy ghost-seeing version of Tord who seems to be interested in him?? Fucking kill him now.

HAHAHA AND TY FOR LIKING CASTLING! I'm actually surprised that there isn't a lot of Red x Blue fics out there?? Like damn, I love a dynamic where they're on equal ground, why isn't there a lot more fics like that?? HKDSJFHHG FINE I'LL DO IT MYSELF.

Awkward. They'd be awkward about it.

Let's say, hypothetically, they both get spat out into the Stayverse. Freakouts and initial explanations aside, Tord and Tom take advantage of their temporary presence to leave their son with them while they do RA stuff (after they vet them ofc, they dont just trust their son with anyone, even if it's another version of themselves.)

Red and Blue aren't sure how to react around AK, seeing as he's their son in another life. Red would definitely be the one whispering shit to Blue like; "Does he want..a hug? Kids like hugs right?? How do I- do I just open my arms or...?"

"No you fu-"

"Don't swear in front of the child, Blue."

"Piss off!"

They stop being awkward eventually because AK will force them to watch cartoons and build legos with him.

Regimen: :]

Stay: Well, of course they still have fights sometimes, and they're both bullheaded and too prideful to back down, but this time since they're older, they don't escalate their fights like they used to anymore, and would much rather prefer to separate and cool off.

Although, Tom has more of a penchant to hold on to his anger than Tord, who would often feel much better after letting out his frustrations in explosively violent ways. This would of course, lead to Tord wanting to talk but Tom is still seething, therefore would not want to talk to him yet.

His silent treatment often leads to Tord being a bit gloomy but definitely more snappy, which would lead to days in the RA where he would be a bit more unforgiving with his army and how they run their operations.

It'll be tense for a while, until Matt steps in to gently remind Tom that he needs to actually talk with his husband if he wants to sort things out.

I'm not sure if you wanna know what happens with KC Tord, as Blue's silence often means he's getting paraded around again like a showgirl, so he'd be more irritated and aggressive than usual, which would bring Blue back to the warfront.

Stay: Tom would recognize immediately that Tyler is biologically his son (Due to his hellhound genetics lmao). He'd probably act a little bit stiff towards him, only because he's trying to be polite, as every bit of his instincts are on the fritz, telling him he has to protect his progeny.

Tord would probably clock in on his husband wanting to adopt the kid, and would come to the same conclusion that Tyler might be related to him in some way. I think he'd be more neutral but warm towards Ty, since he doesn't have a personal tie with him.

Regimen: I really don't think you want Tyler to be in this universe lmao. Both Tom and Tord would be pretty cold with him, especially Tord if he figures out Tyler is related to Tom. at worse he might even kill him. And like I said before, this Tom isn't good with kids, so he'd try his best to avoid Tyler at every chance he can get.

Sorry Ty :[

[kasugas]

GAIDEN THOUGHTS

I have too many to count so im making this a draft and then posting it when i think ive gotten my thoughts out enough.

The fact that they made this game significantly gorier than previous games was cool as hell. The blood looking water-thin was kind of funny though.

While I kind of focused on the main story for my playthrough I did feel like this game was kind of lackluster in terms of content for the price point. Y6 is longer and was like. less than half the price. Granted i think the fighting engine and everything from judgment is a massive improvement it just feels funny paying a lot for stuff thats been in the games for like. almost 10 years now (holy shit y0 came out in 2015).

The lighting in this game looked fucking GORGEOUS. Whoever worked on the lighting rigging in this game i need to shake their hand because wow. I think this is the best a rgg game has ever looked and lost judgment was UP there.

While the callbacks in this game were a nice touch it feels kind of funny to bring up yumi's name after 2 million games of radio silence. I get that kiryu is a stoic individual who wouldnt be wailing abt his feelings every 4 seconds i just love how rgg puts its women on the shelf until theyre ready to be dusted off for emotional effect and nothing else. Also WHERES THE RIKIYA MENTION. PLEASE.

Speaking of women. Any time kiryu interacted with akame me and my friends just kept chanting "PLEASE BE NORMAL". I was so fucking scared for a sayama 2 treatment. I do really like akame and i hope to see more of her. She has akiyama vibes but in a good way.

Seeing kiryu's competency at going through yakuza business was really cool to see. He hasn't lost his edge in the criminal underworld and it kind of provides some much appreciated information to stuff we've seen in the past. Hes naturally built for a yakuza lifestyle, he knows this and yet pushes this talent and desire aside to provide sanctuary for the kids at morning glory. Ik in the final fight he mentions civilians in general but its clear he has his family in mind.

Seeing daigo look like a wet rag in every single cutscne was so funny. He looks so lost someone help him. I feel so bad for him, seeing someone he considers his father who he last heard from in a letter after his 'death' and then just being told to play along bc its not him... man.

WHO WAS HANAWA IN THE PAST?? I know its probably a throwaway line to add mystery but GOD its got my mind racing now.

I still suck so bad at mahjong. Giving a mahjong tutorial to my friends while getting my ass beat really says "i know what im doing".

The entire final scene with the gravestone. I am destroyed. I know i've said in the past kiryu better either retire permanently from being a protag or die (said when i was slightly more annoyed that he got announced as a protag for 8) but. man. I dont want him to die he needs to see his fucking family again no beating around the bush no daidoji bullshit PLEASE.

[kiatheinsomniac]

𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏𝐒 | 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏 𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒

Alright, heres my description! id like you to ship me with any male assassin from assassins creed! :) my name is Aia, i go by she/her, and i’m straight! For my body, i’m 5”2/158cm, and i weigh about 50-51 kg on average. i go to the gym a lot, so my build is pretty muscular, but i still look feminine overall. my shoulders are broad, but so are my hips so my body is like, balanced :) my legs are fairly muscular, and my arms are mostly just “toned” :) i have some abs, not that much tho 😭 my waist is also pretty tiny so thank god for the amazing genetics my face is kind of hard to describe so bare with me! i’m kurdish, so i have very strong individual features, but theyre all in harmony, and as a result im surprisingly pretty conventionally attractive despite my unconventional features. My eyes are big and round, and theyre kind of downturned. My nose is hooked. my lips are kind of thin, but not overly thin, and theyre kind of bow-shaped :). my eyebrows are thick and dark. my face shape is oval! my skintone is olive, but still fair! my hair is thick and dark brown, but it gets kind of golden in the sun :) my hair is to my collarbones, and i like to keep it straight, but it is naturally wavy. i have curtain bangs too :) my personality is also kind of difficult to describe 😩 im an introvert, im funny, im empathetic, im sensitive, im straightforward, and im stubborn. im an istp, 8w7 i think! im fairly confident, but im also very humble. im a pretty good listener and advice-giver, and i dont really sugarcoat things, but im not mean with my advice-giving either. i get drained SUPER easily around pretty much everyone, but the exceptions are the people who are closest to me - they never drain me, ever! im also very clumsy and airheaded, which is probably my least favorite thing about myself. im not talented, intelligent, or gifted whatsoever but im ambitious and hard-working, and whatever i want, i will achieve in some way or another. my hobbies! i love going to the gym, cooking, playing volleyball, painting, writing, and eating :p i dont like bugs, being unproductive, being surrounded by people a lot, being wrong, and dry people. i dont like parties or most outings either, id rather just stay home and do something i like doing. Thats all!! Thank you again, Kia! Im so excited to read your analysis!! – @gojohater101

I ship you with Jacob! 

Jacob likes that you’re quiet and confident but humble – you help to balance him out and he wants to be a bit more like you in the humble sense from time to time. He really appreciates the advice you give him, even if in the moment it might seem like he’s just annoyed; he’ll always come back to you to apologise and tell you that he wasn’t really mad, he just felt a belittled in the moment but he understands that you’re just trying to look out for him. Your advice usually turns out to be what’s best anyway so these little quarrels don’t go very far in your relationship and he instead understands that, to talk to you, he needs to listen to what you have to say too. 

Jacob admires your ambition and hard-working mentality a lot too. He wasn’t too bright growing up which isn’t too bad until you’re constantly being compared to your gifted-child twin sister at every waking moment. He likes that you work hard for what you want to do and when you set your sights on a goal, you’ll do whatever you can to attain it – he’s the same and so he wants to see you succeed by giving you whatever help he can offer and you will accept. He also really likes working out and playing volleyball with you! Jacob’s a pretty active guy and he can’t really sit still so he likes partaking in your hobbies with you! He doesn’t really understand when you get drained socially (the extrovert) but he respects it and will tone himself down when he can tell you just need time to unwind and recharge. He’ll usually watch you paint in this time or read a book while you write (by reading a book I, of course, mean he falls asleep with it on his face to block out any light that might disturb his nap). You keep him out of trouble like this too: he’s more likely to stay indoors with you then go out and get involved in something bad so he’s doing much better by staying with you like this. 

♡ Jacob always makes sure that you have enough of the things that you need for when you want to take some time out and recharge. Because he doesn’t get this social drainage himself, he takes it even more seriously than you do oddly enough. He always makes sure that there’s enough pillows and blankets on the bed for you to be comfy (Evie’s shocked that you’ve managed to get him into the habit of making the bed), he tries to make sure your favourite foods and snacks are available, makes sure that you’re never running out of a particular colour of paint (once bought white paint in bulk bc he noticed how quickly it goes). 

♡ He also knows exactly what it feels like when you’ve been working really hard but feel like you aren’t getting anywhere so he’s there to support you. He’ll hold you if you want to cry or take you somewhere to smash things if you wanna just let it all out. If you need advice, he’ll do what he can but will also consult Evie or Henry for their perspectives too. 

♡ When you’re cuddling up together, Jacob typically likes to have your head on his chest with his hand giving you back rubs. He likes seeing how much darker your skin is compared to his when you’re so close like this: you make him think of summer time and warmth and you’re just so, so beautiful. He also adores the feeling of how thick your hair is between his fingers when he strokes your hair to feel you melt against his body even more. I can see him asking you for a lock of your hair to keep in some jewellery with him – a common courting practice in the Victorian era. He’ll tilt his head down just enough to kiss the top of your forehead before he continues to laze around with you like this. 

♡ He likes to find ways to celebrate your achievements too. He never really had anyone to do the same for him until you came along and it was a feeling of such overwhelming joy to be congratulated and celebrated by you that he wants you to feel the same way. If you’re up for a gathering of friends and a night out, he’ll arrange that, if you just want it to be you and him going out, that’s good too, if you want to just stay at home to celebrate, he’ll even find a way of making that special. He wants you to know that your hard-work is noticed and wants you to know how celebrated you are and how much he looks up to you. 

♡ Jacob’s never really been one for arts like painting or writing but he loves to watch you paint (has even sat posed for you before when you needed a reference) and he’s amazed by your writing! You can string words together in ways that he could never imagine and he’s always hooked on anything you let him get his hands on (which is otherwise out of character for him, not being much of a reader but he just gets so excited by knowing that you wrote this, this is your creation). He can see himself growing a lot as a person with you by his side and you always make his day, just by being around. 

☾ ⋆ ﾟlike my work? why not: ∘ buy me a coffee? ∘ commission me?∘ join my taglist ∘ consider following/reblogging

[walkyjake]

5 6 11 15. :0

hi leo i almost called you lego

5. which song always puts a smile on your face?

the most accurate answer i think is Volver A Comenzar by Café Tacvba. a song that has been with me since i was young because it was in the first little big planet game o_o so it makes me very nostalgic. also its a song About nostalgia! it's wonderful and very purely blissful, yaaay.

6. what was the first concert you went to?

i saw Elton John in the womb. if you dont want to count that then i saw the Wiggles when i was like 3. OK, but actually the first concert that i went to that i wanted to go to was Caravan Palace in 2019 :] really great time. they were also one of the first bands i rly started to love so it's fitting.

11. do you prefer loud booming speakers or quiet in headphones?

oh this is a funny question because i usually have loud headphones (no regard for future hearing) ok /JOKE sort of because to be honest i only have headphone music loud because im usually in my home most of the time and i have a loud household :( probably just need to invest in genuine functioning noise cancelling. anyways my PREFERENCE, quiet in headphones probably. because in any other situation that would be fine and lovely. but speaker listening experience is fantastic too!!!

15. who is the most underrated artist in your opinion?

ohh funny question. ok so my natural response to this has always been Vocaloid Artist Mushi-p for i think he is among one of the most talented vocaloid musicians but he is Not As Popular! Otherwise, there are moreso Unknown artists that i love as opposed to Underrated, like Invisible Light Agency whom have like 46 spotify monthly listeners but they have one really beautiful like, dreampop EP and released a single last year that was soooo pretty Wauw. i think i need to just start listening to more like random bandcamp artists bc so much music out there is so good. Yay.

[misssakuramochi]

Hehe am back with another request cause i really liked the persona one this time is fire emblem time

Fire Emblem (any of the games is fine I’ve played all 3 just surprise me) male matchup plz

Gender: cis female

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: heterosexual ally

Zodiac: Capricorn

Appearance: 5’2 African American hourglass body (although I’m more top heavy if you know what i mean) black curly wavy hair blackish brown eyes chubby cheeks wears glasses sometimes (im far sighted so it’s usually when driving in class or at the theater)

Mbti: infj

Enneagram: 2w1

Personality: kind smart funny motherly responsible empathetic anxious emotional moody perfectionist helpful people pleaser caring compassionate nerdy curious protective polite respectful indecisive fearful nervous introvert shy awkward clumsy low self esteem low confidence (more pertaining to my talents or personality then my looks) sassy sarcastic (I’m mainly these things with people i feel comfortable with like friends or family) soft spoken cute (my friends think im cute because i can be pretty innocent plus I’m small physically)

Likes: animals books reading writing fantasy magic sci fi anime music video games friends alone time learning personality quizzes sweets and bread helping being a part of something bigger than myself

Dislikes: spiders loud sounds people who harm others people who don’t take others into consideration (like make insensitive jokes or don’t consider the comfort of others or are mean just cause they can) people i care about not caring for themselves (im a hypocrite on this i take care of everyone else but not me) not being listened to weird holes and patterns math and tests (I’m being tested for a math disability and i have test anxiety)

Love language:

Giving: acts of service gift giving and physical affection (if they’re ok with it)

Receiving: words of affirmation and physical affection (although i can be shy about it)

Extra: i pace a lot i sing when im alone i talk to myself im a picky eater (mainly with textures) i have a cat i have minor ehlers danalos (a hyper mobility disorder) but it doesn’t hurt me like it does my sisters i get abdominal migraines which is basically like a migraine but instead of headaches it’s nausea

Who I dont want to be matched with: teachers/church of Seros, virion fredrick, gunther

Thanks again

I match you with...

DEDUE

Dedue was the first person who came to mind for you! On one hand, your somewhat similar in the way you love, protect, and care for those close to you. You're kind of a mom/dad friend couple of the group! Both of you take care of one another when you get so wrapped up in caring for others that you forget yourselves. Your soft spoken and respectful nature draws Dedue in, and your earnest efforts melt his heart. He thinks your shyer side is the cutest, but he also understands being introverted ad an introvert himself, and never puts you in situations that make you uncomfortable. In fact, he's quite protective of you at all times.

HEADCANONS

○ Small and cute you say? When no one is around to make comment, Dedue loves to carry you. It's no trouble for him, hulking man he is, and he loves how close and useful he feels when he holds you that way.

○ Dedue knows how much words of affirmation mean to you. He's not the type to shower you with frivolous compliments, but whenever you do well he's always sure to give you genuine praise and tell you how proud he is. If anything, knowing how serious and earnest he is, it makes that mean all the more.

○ Along those lines, Dedue is a fantastic listener. Even when you think he's not paying attention, he'll surprise you by leaving small gifts of things you said you wanted, or you'll come home to find something you've dreaded doing done for you. Not only does Dedue listen, bit he proves it.

○ Because you're not the most confident person, you thought Dedue didn't like you at first! He tried to push you away, not wanting you caught up in his problems, but he couldn't stand to see how much it hurt you when he did. With a little pushing from literally all of his friends, and Dimitri in particular, Dedue caught you off guard completely when he told you his feelings.

[slickchickchocolatier]

reina the gif you tagged me in oh my god 😭😭 HAHAHAHA PLEASEE I am literally currently dying someone teach me how to breathe WHAT EVEN IS AIR I DONT KNOW THAT heeseung is legit suffocating me (not that I dont like it obvi 🤭)

also p.s. what do you think readen’s hidden talent would be? not really hidden but just something she’s good at that heethan doesnt know…yet

could be either drawing, poetry, singing, dancing, painting, etc etc you choose

and heethan’s reaction to it 😵

nik! my love! i've missed you!

i know....i thought of you, jaehaki, and camila when i saw those gifs heheeheheheheh. *smirks*

that is an excellent question. for some reason (maybe its because i love music and i'm always listening to it as i'm writing) but i always imagined readen being able to carry a tune and sing really well. I also imagined her to be into poetry andpainting, (i always thought of her to be one to really appreciate art) and she loves to look at art galleries. and because she loves animals, i always imagined her to be really good with them. I think she also loves music and maybe plays an instrument or two? everytime when i imagined readen, which i had restriceted myself in doing because i wanted her to be as vague as possible to fit the reader's characteristic. Things like her hair length (which you as the reader could obviously obtain) was mentioned, but nothing in regards to eye or hair color because i want her to be you, essentially. However, idk why, but whenever i wrote down "y/n" in the drafts, i always imagined a girl who could play or was interested in playing the harp. idk why, i think it's because when i visited France a few years ago, i saw a woman playing the harp and it was the most beautiful thing i ever did see.

i never saw her as the type to be like a super gym rat like those really fit athletic girls, y/n to me is athletic and did well at sports and track at school, but she likes to keep fit, but doesnt like the gym because it's too crowded and noisy. I always imagined her to be one that would prefer solace and likes workouts where not a whole lot of people are around. workouts like yoga or dance. I also imagined her to speak at least two languages, because she loves to learn (also because i know readers are from all over the world, so i wanted her to know english and the reader's original language from their home country) so she's bilingual and heethan of course found that out in that one smaus lol. but yeah, readen is formatted to be you, but i did have some things in mind whenever i pictured her. it's actually funny because i have a friend who is really into kpop, and she thought i should base the y/n off of jang wonyoung or kazuha from lesserafim, but i was like naaaaaah. because first of all, those women are beautiful but i know the industry invests in the singers to make them marketable, to include surgeries. i dont have a problem with it, but i wanted y/n to be as natural as possible. seriously, i think the only alteration she would have done to her body is color her hair (which i think in the earlier chapters of MGR, her own father wouldn't even let her cut or color her hair because he said she was perfect the way she was) but that was another hidden (maybe not talent...but def a gem) where she isnt at all superficial and is all about natural and finds beauty in everything. she's not Mother Theresa or anything lol, but she just has a real and genuine personality.

but uh...not to give off too much spoilers (idk why but i went kind of backwards, i worked on ch 17 for HHP, and then started working on ch 16...idk why i did that) but one of these chapters....i'm thinking of giving y/n a minor...uh...change......and it leads to a nice little smut moment. kind of sexy fluff and smutty.....but its going to be good. ;)

[suneeater]

oouuu okok matchups sound fun! id like an obey me matchup if that’s fine 💞

my name is aia, i go by she/her, and i’m straight!

For my body, i’m 5”2/158cm, and i weigh about 50-51 kg on average. i go to the gym a lot, so my build is pretty muscular, but i still look feminine overall. my shoulders are broad, but so are my hips so my body is like, balanced :) my legs are fairly muscular, and my arms are mostly just “toned” :) i have some abs, not that much tho 😭 my waist is also pretty tiny so thank god for the amazing genetics

my face is kind of hard to describe so bare with me! i’m kurdish, so i have very strong individual features, but theyre all in harmony, and as a result im surprisingly pretty conventionally attractive despite my unconventional features.

My eyes are big and round, and theyre kind of downturned. My nose is hooked. my lips are kind of thin, but not overly thin, and theyre kind of bow-shaped :). my eyebrows are thick and dark. my face shape is oval! my skintone is olive, but still fair! my hair is thick and dark brown, but it gets kind of golden in the sun :) my hair is to my collarbones, and i like to keep it straight, but it is naturally wavy. i have curtain bangs too :) (if youd just like to see how i look, u can go to my tiktok and just see for urself 💀 @connoisseuraia on there 😛)

my personality is also kind of difficult to describe 😩 im an introvert, im funny, im empathetic, im sensitive, im straightforward, and im stubborn. im an istp, 8w7 i think! im confident, but im also very humble. im a pretty good listener and advice-giver, and i dont really sugarcoat things, but im not mean with my advice-giving either. i get drained SUPER easily around pretty much everyone, but the exceptions are the people who are closest to me - they never drain me, ever! im also very clumsy and airheaded, which is probably my least favorite thing about myself. im not talented or gifted whatsoever but im ambitious and hard-working, and whatever i want, i will achieve in some way or another.

my hobbies! i love going to the gym, cooking, playing volleyball, painting, writing, and eating :p

i dont like bugs, being unproductive, being surrounded by people a lot, being wrong, and dry people. i dont like parties or most outings either, id rather just stay home and do something i like doing.

pls that was a lot im so sorry 💀💀

no worries, ty anon!

I pair you with Beelzebub!

Gym dates?? 100%. Like I've talked about gym dates with Mammon before but with Beel? It's just completely unmatched. Imagine Beel coming up from behind you to help you with your form?? Omg

And you love to cook? This is so perfect for him honestly. He'll eat up anything you make like it's the most precious delicacy in the world, he might even actually take his time

Luckily for you, he's a pretty laid back dude. He's always so down for a night in, especially after a hard day's work. There's nothing more rewarding than lounging at home with you, getting some much needed recharge

[trolagygirl2022]

please I cant count how much 2 baddies and 1 porsche makes me cringe in fact any song that mention brand name or car name, just gives me the ick it seem kinda childish or overdone. even lisa song I think shes more good at fashion and conceptual based imagery than coming up with actual flow. flower is more my fave song in comparison bc i can listen to the whole song of jisoos with ease so its more pleasant for my ears to take

money for exampke was harsh to listen to except for that one segment that i think is the viral part of the song "my money moves" and so on was my fave bit. so in a way i do get why songs go viral for just that one part however i wish i could like the whole song rather than just one aspect of it and songs a getting too short for me to fully get into it. sometimes i also find skz music quite harsh on my sensitive ears. i want to love them as a group and i think theyre so funny and adorable / talented to watch as a whole but their songs just dont hit my vibes at all, currently ateez are my main loves but even their songs dont always hit and i think its more so the production (sorry joong i just dont like autotuned vocals in songs ok it only works for some instances not all of them. also im still waiting for more san solo stuff)

my problem with kpop as a whole is generally groups are getting too young thus so is their songs and its genuinely hard for me to find actual need to hard core stan a group if theyre like teens to early 20s bc i have such a huge age gap from them, come on kpop dont be like stale bread... and as older or same age groups go into military i kind of have to find someone else to follow in the mean time or i tend to find im prefering older music than current modern i guess tiktok related music.

my qualm with general music today compared to older music is i think i like how organic older music is or was in comparison, it was more naturally made than a computer made song not that they arent talented at what they do it just doesnt always vibe with me or sometimes the lyrics can be really off when u try to read them in english yet at the same time i get why these songs go viral but its not for the simple pleasures of listening to a good quality song. i think kpop when it sees what someone else is doing is popular someone else tries to replicate it instead of bringing something new or fresh in i actually think its terrified of being too individual and not standing out or not being viral

its kinda why ateez caught my attention and the mfs did just that (if only they had been an older age group sighhhhhhhhhhh) i love their concepts and overall talents oml theyre such an endless group with not having too many members (sorry nct but i forget ur names after the first 5 members ok) like theres often bits of songs i will skip but then i feel bad for not liking the entire song or thinking what i wouldve done or added differently to make it sound a better song or what english word i wouldve switched and so on just so it would rhyme better maybe thats what kpop lacks i like that it includes some random english lyrics but it often make no real sense to me

not like how id feel if i listened to green day or another familiar song where i already get the gist of the lyrics that have slightly better flow than some korean songs theyre not all bad its just not often as hit of a song as they might think it is if thst makes sense? sometimes it do be just the name or face of idol that make the song more relevant than what it deserves peekaboo is good example of nice flow and high note mix so is some of nct earlier songs or even jopping is catchy song as a whole its more listenable than their latest.

sorry for rambling hehe.

Idk but I LOVED money, I think it's better than Lalisa. Yeah I know it's not the best lyrically but it's too catchy, plus the dance is so fun! But yeah, I agree with you a lot. I like SKZ as a group but some of their songs are a bit too much for me. My favorite songs would be Domino, LALALA and Miroh. I think that their older work was better than what they're pumping out. (Sorry but their album with 5 Star was not it 😵‍💫 it was too obnoxious to my taste). Sure LALALA can be found obnoxious but idk, I think it's at a minimum, plus the instrumental is so freaking good! Yes I love ATEEZ!! I think they are a good example of more "unusual" songs that keep it to a minimum. The system is becoming like McDonald's, cheap stuff that don't leave you feeling the best after and takes your money (that's why Wendy's is better 😛). The NCT part is so true 😭 I usually listen to their songs if there is a part that's catchy but the rest of the song can be... well!

[letmeoutofthebasementt]

whats also funny for me is with these younger groups i genuinely dont care what they get up too its more so that theres nothing else i like about music these days. the music i like aint been around for decades and if it is mentioned its usually mainly on tiktok and i hate tiktok so much.

if i could id take a time machine and go to any pre internet era just bc i think it was more lively and music back then was more in person not something you had to travel to see bc there was stuff occuring all over places now its usually in select places at select times and so u have to either physicslly take urself to the groups rather than the otherway around.

literally i wouldve suited even the 50s, there just more natural characters back then imho not that there arent now its mainly that a lot of idol groups esp the mainstream ones seem to have certain attributes they need to debut in the group itself whereas music back then was for anyone of any age of any musical talent could do it they didnt always have to be young. kpop overall seems quite restrictive it seems that even 20 years old is now too old for someone to debut which is quite shameful really. theyre still very imagery or conceptual based i think. i also dont like how on a lot of shows theyre very very scripted, skz are hilarious to watch bc they often break their characters or say something completely out of pocket

it just seems the younger they make these groups the more these groups are very moulded into something that isnt how they might want to be or act

it also makes me wonder if rn i had to show them something musically that it would never suit what they were looking for either, they seem to like soft cutesy girly things or members with particular features which is the opposite of ateez and skz. thats what draw me to some of these groups cause it wasnt typical yknow? but idk its still not quite the same vibe i get from listening to older music either cause thats more what im used too and theres just nothing else interesting me they couldnt even pay me to go see taylor swift either cause even she isnt my style. sorry for my ramble. it does make me laugh when they use foundation that is obvi not the right foundation shade so like their neck is darker than their overall face colour or they add those blue eye contacts bc thats my eye colour. i tend to prefer if they arent always perfect skin and perfectly dressed like if they just casual or natural in their non stage looks then i tend to find it more attractive. like the way san dresses in his vlives for example thats very simple but its attractive at the same time.

I’m already confused. What do you mean “You don’t have to travel to see them.” Do you think people just had Elvis come to THEM with no prior planning? I’m confused here. And if that was the case no kpop groups would be known in the west because they wouldn’t be performing in the west. They’d just have pop ups all over Korea that may or may not do well because there’s no planning and they’re just “coming to you.” No hate or anything, but that doesn’t really make much sense.

I agree that the KPOP industry is rather controlled, but there are some genuine and funny groups out there. And you seem to forget that it’s their job. Like any job you need to have rules and guidelines to follow to keep yourself from negatively impacting your company, coworkers, etc. like if Jay Park was in a group saying the stuff he said the company AND the group would suffer. They’re also probably not comfortable being 100% how they are behind closed doors in public for every stranger and their mother to see.

I do agree that they should debut older idols, which they do do occasionally, but I also understand why they don’t. They have more time to grow and mold the idols before they move on with their life. Before they marry and start families. The groups can grow together and become closer and not risk breaking up. The idols can become endearing to the public and the public can feel like they’re growing WITH the idols, which makes them stick around. The idols can become used to the industry as you learn better when you’re younger.

But I do agree there’s also a lot of issues with that.

I agree that, again, they should definitely not try and make them paler but that’s also the beauty standard? I’m not saying it’s okay, but it’s like how here in the west a lot of artists try and get tans and other things because that’s the standard over here.

I definitely know a lot of groups that aren’t really all…Bubblegum vibes. But at the same time, again, over there that’s what’s more popular and more socially acceptable. And it is K pop. Korean pop. So things are going to be different. But I do prefer groups that aren’t so bubblegum like you do.

And again, you’re forgetting they’re working. Most people don’t wear casual clothes and look…Imperfect to work. Especially when you’re under close scrutiny and any and everything you do could go viral and affect your career. And most idols DO dress down in lives, albeit they still try to look decent because, again, they ARE working. It’s their job. Their livelihood.

[steeleyespan]

the way i can never get a drawing to look finished ever makws me insaneee . rage

[littlemisslipbalm]

“it’s not that important”

Summary: Y/N is in Harry’s band and one night they have a drunken hook up. One thing leads to another and they find themselves engaging in a friend’s with benefits type of situation. spoiler: it is important

AKA: A friends with benefits to lovers story :) with some angst in there

This is for @stylesharrys fallinharry10k celebration so my trope is friends with benefits! prompt is “you have no goddamn idea what you do to me. when i’m around you, i have no control of my emotions or my thoughts” and the tenth picture ^ i kinda just used it in the beginning to descripe what he was wearing - i got really carried away with this story but the prompt is in there !! lol, not proofread tho but would love your feedback !!!! :) love y’all very much 

oh boy i’ve had this done for agesss but i hadn’t written the smut until today so now we’re here i dont even remember what happens - i vaguely remember not loving the end but I hope yall enjoy

Word Count: 15.4k (longest fic to date) | Warnings: smut, angst, fluff, alcohol consumption? i dont remember but i dont think theres anything too heavy in here.

-

“Hey Harold!” You smile as you easily hop over the side of the couch and settle beside your bandmate.

Harry groans, yet can’t keep the small smile off of his face when he sees it’s you. “How many times have I told you to never call me that?”

Your eyes narrow at his faux glare. “And how many times have I told you, I simply do not care?” 

You reach a hand out and tousle his already disheveled, unstyled brown hair. Despite his lack of styling, his hair still looked perfect. His chestnut hair fell into a middle part when he did nothing to it and you found it endearing. It made him look far younger than he truly was, like a boy you might have pursued when you were in your early days at college. The waves slightly framed his prominent cheekbones and chiseled jaw that was sporting a tiny amount of stubble.

He moves his arm from around the back of the couch to pat at his hair, trying to put it back in its nondescript position you had just messed with. After he’s satisfied, he uses the same hand to push up his glasses on the bridge of his nose. They’re chestnut brown Gucci frames that match the natural highlights in his hair. You can safely assume that’s why he bought them. The lenses are clear, but you know they don’t hold any prescription. He looks incredulously at you from behind them still.

“Nice glasses,” you mention offhandedly as you reach out to the coffee table to grab the drink you had left there earlier.

Before Harry had arrived, you had been taking up residence on the couch, in the spot he had actually taken up. You had ventured to the restroom for a moment and gotten held up in a conversation when asked your preference for the Beatles. Having to defend your staunch stance for the Beatles and against the Rolling Stones, you had gotten swept up into an argument with Adam. He believed that because the Rolling Stones toured for longer warranted them the title of best rock band. While you countered that despite their long touring and production of music, the Stones had a rotation of members. The Beatles maintained the four of them and held such a large impact even though they were barely together for a decade. They were one of a kind, or at least the first of their kind, you’d allow. You weren’t really in the mood for intellectual conversation tonight, so upon seeing Harry taking up your seat, you had told Adam you’d continue the discussion at a later date and returned to your spot.  

“Thanks,” Harry mumbles as his gaze flits around the room. He wasn’t sure if you were actually complimenting him, but he would take it as one either way.

The rest of your friends are all up and about, drinking, talking, dancing. It was the usual house party scene: a relatively intimate gathering, music you all actually liked, some friends of friends feeling slightly out of place. There was no pressure in this type of gathering but still Harry wasn’t necessarily in the party mood tonight. Usually, Harry was the one instigating these types of get-togethers with his friends and bandmates. He liked to be the life of the party, but as the tour loomed closer and closer, he felt some tinge of longing for quiet and solitude. He knew he wouldn’t have much quiet while on the road, which mostly didn’t scare him. He loved the stage and the high he received from performing and the gratification he felt from all the people in the room being there to see him. But there was also that other part of him that liked the quiet, the privacy. As the lack of alone time nudged itself around the corner, he had been hoping to enjoy solitude, or at the very least peace before he was on the road. Some sort of blissful state before technical chaos ensued. When Charlotte, the host of tonight’s soiree, had texted their group chat about tonight, Harry had politely declined. Then came the slew of private texts from Charlotte giving him all the reasons he should come tonight. He tried to say no again, but had shown up after the continued begging from her.

His appearance mirrored his expression, choosing a not perfectly fitted white t-shirt and random trousers rather than picking something he really loved, like usual. You could tell something was up and as his friend you were wondering what was wrong with him.

“Don’t sound so excited, Harry, someone might mistake you for somebody who’s happy to be here.” You stick your tongue into the side of your cheek, gauging his reaction.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re not very funny?” He quips, green eyes flashing to meet yours.

Your banter is probably how the pair of you communicated the best, never really falling into the whole serious side of friendship. You never shared those late night talks about the future or your fears. It was a fun friendship, so you didn’t fancy yourself one of his closest confidants. When it came to music, you and Harry were a bit more serious which formed a sort of paradox because the music you would share with each other gave a far greater insight into your souls than you probably realized. As a member of his band, you would discuss his music and what was going on with that sort of business part. But the sharing and discussion of other music that you did was part of your friendship, even if you didn’t see it like that. Because of the countless albums you had recommended to each other and the specific songs you had made note of, Harry and you knew each other much better than you thought you did. Music connects to something deep inside yourself and you have to like it enough and know the other person well enough to believe that they will also enjoy it to recommend it. As much tongue and cheek that you partook in with Harry, deep down, unbeknownst to either of you, you were that friend he shared his hopes and fears with, through the way he knew best, music.

“No, most people find me hilarious...”

You take a sip of your drink, trying to cover up the sting that his remark actually left. Most of the time you were great at keeping up with anyone’s banter, especially Harry’s, but tonight you weren’t feeling it. His tone had sounded so harsh it almost sounded like he meant it. His features soften when he sees the way your face falls, despite your sarcastic tone.

“‘M sorry. I’m just not in the best mood tonight. Didn’t want to come, but Charlotte…” He shifts to face you, arm retracting slightly around the couch, landing his hand at the edge of your shoulder. His fingers fiddle with themselves absentmindedly, he turns his rings around his fingers and they ever so slightly brush against your shoulder. You don’t mind, you know its his nervous tick that he did whenever he didn’t have something to clink them against.

“Yeah, same here, actually.” Your tuck an out of place hair behind your ear, returning your gaze to Harry, who’s tilting his head at you curiously. “But might as well make the most of it, though. After all, this is our last week before tour starts.” You raise your glass and tilt it towards him before taking a sip.

You really didn’t have a plan, you were just trying to make him feel a little better. It was seldom you saw him so solemn at this type of gathering. He usually was the one bouncing from group to group, entertaining everyone with his dazzling charm and quick wit. Sometimes he would bring a date and spend the night with them in the corner, but that was usually at bigger parties than this. At these types of gatherings you often found yourself talking with Charlotte for most of the night. You were both new additions in the band and you had clicked immediately. You would travel in a pair between different groups and talk with everyone. Sometimes you would tell a humorous anecdote about your life and everyone would laugh wholeheartedly. Your ability to retell a story and make it hilarious every time seemed to be your secret talent. You could make any experience into a ten-minute retelling and it always sounds like the funniest moment of your life. It ranged from your embarrassing audition for Grease as a tween to your supermarket run in with an old acquaintance or B-list celebrity the day before. It didn’t matter what it was, it just always had the entire circle of people laughing and wiping their eyes with joy. You’d laugh a little with themselves, but usually you just had a triumphant smile on your lips for the rest of the night.

He nods, sipping his own drink for the first time since you had settled down beside him. “Well, I’m all ears.”

“What?”

“Give me your suggestions on how to make the most of tonight.”

“Drinking, mostly, was my plan,” you laugh nervously as Harry continues to stare at you intently.

“Mostly?”

“I mean, what do you want me to say? I didn’t think to pack my bouncy castle, my bad.”

He bites back a laugh but lets some air escape his defined nose, before staring with a deadpan face at you.

You like to tease him. You simply liked him. Harry was different from other men you knew. You were pretty sure most people could say that though. Harry was just different. It seemed like no one could not have some sort of affection for him. With the playful friendship the pair of you had, you always skirted the edge of flirtation. But you also didn’t particularly ever want to cross any lines with him. He was the employer of you, technically. He had brought you into his backing band and you wouldn’t do anything to harm that position. As well, at the end of the day you knew Harry. His tendencies and the choices he made.

When you were around him at parties like this, you had to try really hard to keep him at an arm’s length. Because on one hand, you would drink and suddenly the boundaries you put up didn’t seem that important, instead his lips started to look rather inviting, but on the other, you knew that he was extremely emotionally closed off to any relationship that was more than either friendship or a one night stand.

Harry doesn’t give you a response, just swings back his drink. The pair of you sit and drink in silence. Before you know it, Harry and you are five drinks in, finally talking after the second. The pair of you decide to move to the balcony outside and continue your conversation there after the third. After the fourth, you're getting really handsy and by the end of the fifth, Harry’s arm is wrapped tightly around your waist and you're laughing breathlessly into his neck. It looks like he’s just shielding you from the cold night air, but both of you seemed to be enjoying each other’s embrace for other reasons.

Finally catching your breath, you lean back and pant softly as you meet eyes with Harry. His pupils have blown out from the alcohol and dark light. The emerald green barely surrounds the black and you swear there’s flecks of gold or maybe brown in them. Your brows scrunch at the revelation and Harry asks what you’re thinking. You don’t respond, too entranced and drunk to even hear him.

“Oi,” he bops your nose, “What is goin’ on in there, little lady?”

Your hand reaches up and widens Harry’s eye manually. His inebriated state has no qualms about you doing such an odd thing. “Why’s your green not actually green?”

“What?” He asks before moving your hand away from his face, it instead falls to his chest. The pair of you shift until your caged between his body and the balcony’s ledge. You pout as you stare up at him. His skin looks soft and taught over every inch of his face and neck. The urge to kiss him keeps nagging at the back of your mind. The idea keeps creeping up closer and closer and the drunker you are the less likely you are to suppress it.

“Do you want to fuck me?” You blurt out.

“Sure.” Harry isn’t taken aback. He had been thinking about asking for a while, so he was glad you had asked first, made it easier for him.

“Okay, let’s go.”

He takes you back to your place, the pair of you catching a cab the short distance between yours and Charlotte’s flats. No one blinks an eye at the pair of you leaving together. Everyone watched the pair of you sulk all night about being there and only enjoying the other’s company, so they weren’t keen on either of you staying. Charlotte was simply glad the pair of you had stayed for as long as you did.

The two of you walk casually until you’re inside your bedroom. Once inside, Harry throws you on the bed and fucks you. Hard. He’s got you spread out in more ways than you had ever thought possible. He’s got you saying things you had never even dreamed of saying. And he’s got you cumming and screaming more than you could have ever wanted. He enjoys himself as well. He loves the way you feel around him and the way your eyes look up at him while he fucks you straight into the bed. He loves the way you sound whispering dirty things and screaming his name. He loves the feel of your soft skin all over your body as he pushes deep inside you. He loves the way you’re able to rip a guttural moan from him every time he cums. And he cums three times that night. While it wasn’t quiet, he did find that blissful state he had been in desperate need of.

After the third round, Harry feels spent. He brings himself into a sitting position, legs hanging off the edge of your bed. You’re lying in your bed, completely overstimulated, cumming at least twice as many times as Harry. He scratches at the top of his head, his bicep bulging as he folds his arms around himself.

“That was fucking good, Y/N. Just what I needed.”

You can only hum in response.

Then he takes your blanket and lays it over you. After that he begins to stand up, getting ready to grab his things and go.

“You don’t have to go…” your voice raises when you realize what he’s doing.

“Yeah, I do. This was just a one time thing, yeah? I enjoyed it, but you know...”

“Erm, I guess?” You rolled to fully look at him, he was pulling his t-shirt back on now, his marked chest disappearing beneath the white fabric. “Do you really not stay over at your one night stands?”

He thinks about it as he begins with his shoes and his glasses at the same time. “Yes? Usually I don’t know the person and I don’t particularly want to sign an autograph when I leave in the morning. Best to leave immediately afterwards.”

“That was exactly why I wanted you to stay...Shit! No chance you’ll give me an autograph now? Could sign my tit, right next to your hickies.”

He laughs, automatically in a better mood after the catharsis of having sex. It was also a relief for him that you didn’t seem to be weird about the hook up. “Shut up!”

“You’re a twat, Harold.” He groans instinctively at the annoying nickname, not caring about the ‘twat’ part. “But be my guest, you can freeze your arse off while waiting for your cab outside at this hour.”

“Rude..” He mutters, standing in your doorway now. “You wouldn’t actually make your employer stand out in the cold at this time of night. I haven’t even got a jumper. Could get a cold and ruin my voice. ”

“You’re the one who says it’s best to leave immediately. Get on it, mister.”

Your hand makes a shooing movement, but he doesn’t budge. You sigh as he makes a puppy dog face - eyes wide and a puckered pout with his flushed cheeks and lips - playing into your actual kindness, that he knows is somewhere. Your sweetness that you were keeping hidden from Harry right now. Nothing was serious between you so it made sense that you were trying not to let your innate ability to care show as he’s about to walk out on you.

“Ugh, fine. Stop looking at me like that. Just grab one of my coats from the bottom right, they’re all oversized so one should fit.” He doesn’t relent on the face. “And you can stay inside until your cab comes.” You sigh and throw one of your pillows at him. He catches it easily and throws it back, much softer than your throw. “Also never pull the employer card on me again when I’m naked in the bed you just fucked me in,” you call as he looks through your closet.

Returning with a patchwork coat you had thrifted tight over his shoulders, he looks at you seriously, “Yeah sorry about that part. Definitely wasn’t trying to exert my power over you, it sounded better in my head. Meant more like you could ruin my voice and both of our jobs.”

You nod and chuckle slightly, finding how inarticulate Harry could be as an endearing trait. His explanation didn’t actually make it sound better. “The jacket fits.” You say, choosing to move forward from Harry’s weirdness, knowing he didn’t mean any harm from his initial statement.

“Yeah, thanks. I think my cab is here,” He glances at his phone, “So I’ll go...See you?”

“I’m sure.” You smile, “We do in fact work together and will soon be touring the world. Would be a bit weird if I didn’t see you.”

“Right.” He nods and adds a peace sign before he walks out of your sight. You know he’s gone when you hear the door click shut. What an interesting night.

-

Love on Tour had just started and Harry couldn’t lie. He couldn’t keep his mind off of you. You were both his most recent partner and the best he had had in a while. He found himself rubbing over the spots on his neck and clavicle that you had given particular attention to during the night you had shared together. When he went to bed it was your body he pictured to get himself off. So, after the first show he’s beelining to you at the beginning of the after party. He’s got an adrenaline high and he needs a release. You’re the solution. He’s whispering in your ear, asking if you’d like to meet him in his dressing room. Your eyes study his face when he pulls back and they widen slightly when the realization of what he’s implying dawns on you. Then you’re nodding and excusing yourself from a random conversation five minutes later.

Inside Harry’s dressing room, you find Harry already unbuttoning his shirt. He grabs your face and shoves his lips onto yours once you lock the door. As he kisses you he tries to make one thing very clear, “This doesn’t mean anything.”

“Got it.” You begin to finish Harry’s job of taking off his shirt.

He pulls back to look you in the eye, “Are you okay with that?”

“Jesus fuck, yes, Harry, just shut up and fuck me senseless again!”

He listens to you and begins to kiss down your jaw and neck. His open-mouth kisses leave a searing trail across your skin. He settles on a spot at the base of your neck and begins to suck and nip at it with vigor. You set to work on finishing his job of unbuttoning his shirt. Then you pull off your own shirt, reaching behind you to untie the bows at the back. The new skin exposed grabs Harry’s attention and he moves down to suck over the cleavage of your tits. He’s happy to be back with his ‘bosom friends’. You smack his head when he says it and he chuckles darkly, only sucking harder on them causing you to moan louder than you would like.

Once you’re both in only your underwear, you find your back pressed up against the mirror behind the dressing room counter. Harry’s body is nestled between your spread legs as he kisses down your skin. His fingers dance along the line of your thong as he looks up from beneath his lashes for position, you only push his head closer to your heat in response. He laughs mischievously before tugging them down off your hips.

“Missed this pretty little cunt...All I’ve been thinkin’ ‘bout,” He mutters as he begins to latch onto your dripping core.

Your brows shoot up at the thought that Harry’s mind has been stuck on you for the past week. You definitely had thought about your drunken hook up a bit, but hadn’t thought it had left a lasting impression on Harry, you assumed he had that lovely of a night with every person he chose to spend intimate time with. These thoughts are forgotten when Harry’s warm tongue is lapping at your swollen bud. You’re already panting for Harry and now you’re heaving with moans and whimpers leaving your mouth with every lick and nip of his expert mouth.

“Fuck Harry, feels so good,” you whine as his tongue travels down your folds and swirls and dips into your hole.

He moans at your words and the way your legs squeeze at his head. His hands move to spread you open wide to maintain his control and he smirks at the way your body rolls due to the friction of his voice against your pussy.

“Be a good girl f’me,” he growls still pressed against your wet heat.

Your body rolls again as you get closer and closer to your first release. Your bite your lip trying to contain all of the sounds that are trying to escape your mouth. Harry notices the new silence and glances up seeing how you’re trying to behave. As much as he likes you obeying his words, he also wanted to hear how he was pleasuring you.

“Tell me how you feel, princess,” he demands.

“So-so good,” you hiccup as his fingers caress over your folds now as he looks you in the eyes, his lips wet with your slick. He kisses you hard, his tongue diving into your mouth and you kiss back passionately, loving your taste on his tongue.

He pulls back and your hands trail down his chest, swirling around his familiar tattoos and hair that grace his lower torso as you move. He grins, enjoying the feeling of you on him and how he was affecting you.

Soon enough, his cock is finding its way back to your glistening folds, wet with your own liquids as well as his saliva. His mouth waters at the sight. He only pushes into you a few times like this. Then he catches sight of himself in the mirror in front of him and can’t resist. He pulls out and flips you over, your squeal leaving your mouth before you can stop yourself. His dick finds your entrance once again, not wanting to be without the wonderful warmth for any longer than he must.

“Ahhh,” Harry groans when he slips back inside.

Your head throws back on your neck, the feeling of him as well as the sight of him gripping your hair in one hand and your fleshy hip in the other. His rings dig into the skin as he’s able to slam more forcefully in this position. You gasp and whine at his motions. The sounds coming from between your legs are turning you on even more and they seem to make Harry happy too. He picks up the pace and drops the grasp of your hair for a second. Your head falls down as you try to keep yourself up on your elbows.

Gripping both of your hips, Harry growls, “Look at me while I fuck you. C’mon now.”

You moan in response and tear your eyes open to see your reflections in the mirror. One hand goes up to hold onto the mirror to give yourself more traction, causing your back to arch even more. The new position has Harry’s cock slamming into you deeper.

“Fuck!” Harry practically yells and can’t keep himself from landing a harsh slap on your ass. You jump forward at the sting but his other hand keeps the pace steady. He keeps burying himself into you all the way to his base, his balls slapping at your now slick spread thighs. He rubs over the red handprint he had just left on your ass. You whimper and bite your lip, truly enjoying the sensation.

Still staring into the mirror as Harry commanded, your eyes water slightly and Harry makes eye contact with you through the mirror. You smile widely and he grins back. “This feels so fucking good. Your pussy takes me so well. Fuck…” Harry babbles, still pistoning into you. You had noticed how vocal he was the first time you had fucked, but thought it had just been the alcohol. Apparently not. But you didn’t mind, you much preferred it to partners who barely spoke or didn’t even moan. Like how were you supposed to know what was going on in their minds? With Harry, you knew he was having a good time.

A few more heavy thrusts and you felt yourself nearing the edge. Your panting was getting faster, exceeding the speed of Harry’s thrusts and he could also feel you were close. Your cunt began squeezing him tighter so he hooked a hand under your knee and brought it onto the table. He hunched over you slightly and snaked his hand to your clit. “C’mon darling, I know you're close. Can feel that little cunt putting a choke hold on my cock.” He rubs at your clit with the vigor of strumming a quick paced song on the guitar. It’s enough to overtake your senses and the laugh that had bubbled from his words turns into your orgasm moan. You try to muffle it into the arm that is holding you against the mirror to avoid a full on scream because it feels that good. You felt like you were having your first ever orgasm, it felt that new to you.

A few more thrusts and you’ve come down from it, but Harry still hasn’t finished. It’s your turn to be the partner coaxing the other to get off. “Faster, Har. Want you to cum too.” He grunts, picking back up the pace. He had slowed to let you ride out your stay. “That’s it...want you to cum in me. Your cock feels so fucking good.” You whine, meaning every word. He smiles again at you and closes his eyes, focusing on chasing his high. You watch as his smile widens to that open mouth grin, “Fuck,” he almost whispers. And there it is. There’s a twitch in his hips that mirrors his expression and then he’s pulling out and cumming on your back. His voice is now even lower and raspier than before as he babbles how good that was and how tight your pussy was. It was sweet nothings, but extremely explicit and you sighed heavily, feeling a small orgasm wash over you again. His final thrusts and voice pushing you off the cliff again easily.

The two of you take a minute to bring your breathing back to normal and Harry goes to clean your back off.

“So..how do you feel about maybe doing this regularly?”  Harry asks sheepishly as he begins to pull his pants back on.

“Like a friends with benefits kind of thing? Or bandmates with benefits, rather.” You laugh breathlessly at your not really funny joke, but you’re now truly exhausted. From the show and the fuck, you felt thouroughly worked out.

“I guess that’s what it is, yeah.”

“Yeah, sure. Sounds good.”

“You’re honestly so chill, Y/N. It’s fuckin’ hot.”

You laugh and flip your hair dramatically. You’re only in your bra and panties right now and Harry licks his lips, finding your playfulness to be a turn on. “What can I say?” You laugh.

“But like I said before...it’s just sex.” He’s buttoning up his shirt and looking at your reflection through the mirror now. He watches you slip the pants you had been wearing back on.

“Oh, Harold, I know.” On cue, he groans and turns around to face you after fixing his mused hair in the mirror. Interrupting yourself, you turn your back to Harry, “Can you tie this, sorry it’s hard for me to get the -” Harry walks to you without any hesitation and begins tying the silk ribbons on the back of your shirt. “Thanks. Anyway,” you turn to face him when he’s finished and you place both of your palms on his chest. “Trust me, I know you’ve got your issues and I’m not looking to be the girl that tries to change you. I know what this is. I only ask that you let me know when you sleep with other people, because once you do, you won’t need me.” Harry nods and you pat your hands against him. You both smile and go your separate ways when you leave the dressing room.

-

Harry and you fucked almost every night on tour. Sometimes it was right after, on the counter in his dressing rooms. Sometimes it was later in the evening in his hotel room or yours. He stopped leaving immediately after your hook ups. He never kicked you out of his room so he decided it was fine for him to stay in yours. Especially because you weren’t a stranger who would be weird with him in the morning. He also didn’t like trekking through the hotel halls late at night.

The first few times you stayed in the same bed, the two of you stayed on opposite sides of the bed, not touching after you were finished engaging in your sexual endeavours. Rigid bodies against the edges of the mattress. Then one particularly long night, filled with multiple rounds, Harry was so exhausted from his performance on stage and off that he collapsed on top of you. He fell asleep there and you didn’t particularly mind. It felt nice to be slightly compressed and held. He shifted in his sleep and when he woke up he wasn’t upset to find you nestled into his side with his arms wrapped around you. After that, cuddling sort of became part of the routine. After you were done having sex, Harry or you would get up to clean up and bring back waters. Then you would settle in his arms. Sometimes in a spooning position and sometimes you cradled softly into his chest. You didn’t talk about it, it just happened.

One night it was your head directly on top of his butterfly tattoo, one leg thrown over his lower torso and your arm snuggly wrapped around his middle. He liked to pet your hair when you laid against his chest in that way. His fingers would fiddle with the strands and you liked it because he usually took off his rings before he would do it and his hands felt so soft and delicate against you. Harry liked the way he felt when he would hold you afterwards. It was calming to fall asleep against your soft skin and feel your fingertips trace lyrics to songs he wasn’t sure the name of against his own.

No one knew about how your friendship with Harry worked. To the rest of the world, you seemed to be someone who had become another close friend in the band. You were similar to Mitch in many respects. Except for when Harry winked at you during a show, it wasn’t a friendly wink, it was a ‘this song makes me horny and I can’t wait to relieve the pressure by fucking you later’ kind of wink. You knew this because Harry had gone over and whispered it in your ear during a quick break, when you had only looked at him weirdly after he did it.

Before the show tonight, you pulled Harry aside, “So what are we thinking tonight? I feel like I might want to ride you...Haven’t been on top in a while.” In the darkness of the backstage, you crane your neck to take Harry’s earlobe between your teeth. He groans softly and grips your hips to guide them against his for a second. “Sounds fuckin’ fantastic, love.” You twitch back, releasing him immediately at the word. You always told him not to call you that and he tried to reason with you, that it was just something he called people. But you disliked it a lot, adding it to the growing list of rules the pair of you had for the do’s and don'ts of being friends with benefits with each other.

“Harold,” you groan and he steps back at that pet name. While he hated this, you refused to let him put it on the list because it didn’t cross any lines with your physical arrangement. Not that there was any physical list to put it on, it was more of a theoretical list that the two of you would speak of occasionally.

“Sorry.” He says eventually, “Didn’t mean it.” You both laugh.

You think about how other relationships were sometimes desperate to hear their partner express their love for them and you believe you’re grateful for the simplicity of your arrangement. The term relationship regarding what you and Harry were doing was also in the ‘don’t’ category on the list. If either of you were being honest, there should be no need for a list and you should be questioning yourselves why you felt the need to set boundaries if one part of it was physical and the other part was your friendship and job. If it truly was just physical why were boundaries constantly needing to be set and followed? But right now honesty was not in the cards.

-

After the show Harry gets delayed with press or fans or something that you don’t really care about. You barely read the text that he sends, only caring about the ‘sorry got held up’ and the ‘be there in thirty’.

You let yourself into his room and wait on the bed, flipping through your phone, completely unbothered by the rest of the world. When you hear a knock on the door, you don’t think twice about getting up and opening the door. You only realize your terrible mistake when it’s Mitch and not Harry standing at what you’re also just realizing isn’t your door, but instead Harry’s.

“Shit!” you say under your breath as Mitch looks at you confused.

The room is dark behind you because Harry would have just entered and gotten down to business. He might turn on a side lamp, but you hadn’t felt the need to have light on while you waited. Forgetting all of that, you had just gone to the door and opened it.

Mitch tucks some of his hair behind his ear as he stares at you. “Is Harry here?”

“Er..No?” It comes out as a question. You rub the back of your ankle with your foot, feeling nervous.

“Is he actually not here or?” Mitch trails off, narrowing his eyes at you.

“No, no he’s really not here. I’m waiting for him, too.” You rush your words, but try to remain calm.

“You have a key to his room. And you’re waiting in the dark.” He says. They’re not questions and you’re not sure just how guilty you look.

“Yeah!” You try to come up with a non suspicious response, hoping there’s a way to still salvage your’s and Harry’s secret, “He gave me his key because he wanted to talk about something and I kept it dark because my eyes always hurt after shows. Kind of like a migraine.” You scratch at your head and smile, trying to convince Mitch. He seems to believe you as he nods slowly and opens his eyes more.

There’s a little bit of an awkward silence and Mitch shifts his weight between his feet, looking at you still. Just as you're about to invite Mitch to come wait inside with you, Harry steps out of the elevator and begins to walk down the hall. His key card is already in hand and your eyes widen. Harry’s expression mirrors yours when he realizes Mitch is standing outside of his door and that you are standing with him. “Mitch!” Harry says, placing his hand on Mitch’s shoulder and sliding his key card into his back pocket with the other. Mitch turns to Harry without seeing him put away the other key card and you look at the pair of them.

“I was just telling Mitch how you gave me your key card so we could talk about...that thing.” You interject, flicking the lights on in Harry’s room as casually as possible. Harry shoots you a look about how you couldn’t come up with an actual reason for being there. You shrug your shoulders helplessly.

Mitch looks between the two of you and feels some weird tension and he’s not sure if it's always there and he’s just noticing or if something is going on right now.

“Yeah, well, I came to stop by to talk about the riff in Canyon Moon. Something is wonky with it.”

“Oh! Sure,” Harry nods to Mitch and then glances at you, “Y/N, we can talk about that other thing later. It’s not that important anyway.” His tone is so casual and nonchalant. You stare at him, thinking he can’t be serious. You had been almost sure he would send Mitch away, but instead you were being kicked to the curb. When he doesn’t say sike or anything of the sort, you nod. “Okay,” then you mumble a ‘good luck’ with figuring out the problem with the song. Mitch walks in the door, but Harry’s eyes stay fixed on your figure retreating down the hallway. He watches you disappear and is only pulled from his thoughts when Mitch calls his name from the couch in the room.

After reaching your floor, you key into your room and get ready for bed. Just as you’re about to drift off to sleep, completely alone for once in a long time, there’s another knock. This time you check the peephole, a habit you realized you were going to have to get better at. It’s Harry. You open the door and walk away immediately once he’s entered the room.

“Why are you here?”

“Thought we could still...” He follows you into the room, trying to make out your face in the darkness.

“I’m not in the mood anymore.” Your tone gives away your annoyance. You couldn’t hide that you were mad at Harry for sending you away. It made you feel weird. The way he did it so easily made you feel like you were extremely disposable and unwanted.

“I’m sorry,” he sighs as he lays down beside you. You turn to face him when he places a hand on the small of your back. You’re face to face and your noses are almost brushing. It’s not really possible to see each other’s features, but after months of hooking up you knew each other’s faces pretty well. You could reach out and pinpoint all of Harry’s freckles and moles on his face and neck right now and be correct. He could likely do the same. The theory is proven correct when he reaches out and his hand dances down your cheek. “Just thought it would be less suspicious if I didn’t get rid of him. Couldn’t make him wait either…”

“I know,” your voice is small and soft, just above a whisper, “I forgive you.” You scoot closer to him and Harry instinctively wraps his arm around you, bringing you tightly into him. You sigh into his neck and he shivers at your warm breath on his slightly clammy skin. When you lick your lips, they brush lightly against his skin. He laughs at the feeling, so you decide to press an intentional kiss to the hollow in his neck. In response, he presses a kiss to your hairline, his lips slightly chapped after the concert.

The kisses are tender, filled with that thing neither of you dare attribute to anything the two of you did in the dark. The word you told him time and time again to not call you. So is just about every touch and word that has been exchanged in this room since Harry entered it. You fall asleep wrapped up in his arms, a soft smile resting on both of your faces. Neither of you seem to mind that you didn’t actually have sex tonight or anything even close to it.

-

When you wake up you feel especially well rested. You shift around and realize your bed is empty besides you. It depended on the day, but it was always a toss up between Harry being there when you woke up or not. However, lately, you had found it was usually the former. You would linger longer and so would Harry in each other’s rooms, lounging in each other’s embrace under the soft glow of the morning light peaking through whatever windows the room had. Today you were cold at his absence. Then you look up and realize you aren’t completely alone. Harry is standing at the end of your bed, staring down at his phone, smiling.

“Hey.”

You wait for his reply, but he doesn’t look up from his phone. “Hey, Harold,” you repeat. His head snaps up, a grimace on his face at the name. He slips his phone in his pocket and ruffles his hair. “Hey.” He finally responds. “I’m gonna head out.”

“Okay.”

Neither of you seem to find it necessary to talk about what happened last night. Harry definitely seemed a little off to you this morning, but you try to shake it from your thoughts. There was no reason to be upset with him being quiet. He didn’t owe you anything, you hadn’t even slept together last night, so if anything it was weird he stayed as long as he did.

It was the second night at the Forum in Los Angeles. This means no travelling necessary. No day off either, tomorrow you’d have a day off before the third and final show at the venue though.

Harry and you were talking normally at the venue, mostly about the setlist - him and Mitch had changed something for whatever reason last night, which was fine. Your banter was to a minimum, but you were trying to convince yourself that nothing was off. Even though it felt like something was different, you couldn’t place your finger on what it was, so you thought it was best to ignore it.

When Harry is about to go out on stage, you don’t pull him aside and when he introduces the members of the band to the audience, he doesn’t say anything fun or silly about you. He doesn’t wink or come up to you at any point in the performance. It’s so unusual the rest of your bandmates are giving you funny looks. Charlotte looks at you from across your keyboard in a way that she’s asking if you’re okay. You shake your head at everyone trying to signal that you’re fine.

Mitch goes over to Harry and whispers in his ear to check in with him, Harry looks at him with a bright smile on his face and says “of course, why wouldn’t I be?” Mitch looks between the pair of you, thinking back to last night and how weird the pair of you were being then. Maybe it dawns on him then what might be going on between the two of you, but if he did, he wouldn’t mention it for a long time.

You falter a bit on your back up vocals tonight. You’re trying to give it your all, like always, but for some reason your voice isn’t sounding the way you want it. About halfway through the show, when your voice comes out the exact opposite of how you would like, Harry finally gives you a second glance. His face practically emotionless, save for the single arched brow. He’s concerned, but not concerned enough where he would go over to you. He just doesn’t understand why you keep missing the right note tonight. You make a shake of your hand to say I don’t know either. He just shrugs and turns back around to continue the show, his lively smile returning while he turns his head.

After the show, Charlotte, Sarah, and you are all checking in, going over what had happened during the show in general. They’re both worried about your voice and you’re simply trying to tell them that it was just an off night. Nothing was wrong. As long as you told everyone else that, then it might turn out to be true.

“It’s fine, maybe I didn’t get enough sleep last night,” you fib, having gotten more sleep last night than most other nights on this tour. They both nod, seeming to take that as a reasonable answer.

Then Charlotte gets quieter as she whispers to the three of you, “Did you guys notice anything weird with Harry? He was super lively, but he barely interacted with you, Y/N, which is so unlike him...”

Sarah nods while you look skeptically on. Sarah adds, “He kept looking up to the boxes, too. More than usual at least. I don’t know though…” She trails off and you cross your arms over your chest, not really enjoying the conversation topic. “I mean, what do you think, Y/N?” Sarah adds.

Your eyes dance between the two women, your fellow bandmates, your friends. You sometimes wished you could share with them what you were doing with Harry. The secret was fun, but it’s also nice to be able to share with your girlfriends about the guy you’re seeing, even if it is a casual thing. The friendly gossip of it all is something fun to share, but sadly that was another thing you couldn’t do. You sigh, “You never really know what’s going on in his mind, y’know. He’s just Harry.” Your response is half-assed at best. You figure they’ll both give you shit for the non-answer you just supplied, but instead someone else speaks for them.

“I am in fact, just Harry.” He says and you swivel around to find yourself almost chest to chest with him. Charlotte laughs while Sarah simply smiles. Your eyes are huge as you stare up at him and you hope your blush doesn’t come out too strongly after being caught talking about Harry by himself. “Enlighten me on when I was being ‘just Harry’ though?” You bite your lip and take a step back from him, forming more of a line with the other women. He shrugs when no one offers a response, laughing lightly.

“Oh and Y/N, I can’t talk about that thing again tonight, I’ve got-”

“A date?” Charlotte asks, trying to understand why Harry was acting a little different tonight still. The part that Sarah had mentioned about him looking up into the boxes had given her the idea that he might have plans with someone after the show. Harry scratches his head, his hair slightly wet with sweat right after the show. He’s taken off his coat so he’s just in the almost completely unbuttoned, sweat soaked shirt he had been wearing underneath. It sticks tight to his skin and you can make out all the muscle lines that hide beneath the fabric that you usually get to caress. Your eyes flit from his body back to his face when he speaks again.

“Erm, I wasn’t going to phrase it like that...but yes, I suppose, it’s a date.” He says finally, he avoids your eye contact and you look at him very confused, trying to hide the hurt. He shoves his hands in his pockets trying to look and sound as casual as possible and ignore the strain he sees on your face. Is that what had held him up yesterday? Making plans with someone else? And he hadn’t told you until now? The past twenty four hours stung a little bit more now that you knew why Harry was being so distant. It simply felt icky finding out this way and it didn’t even seem like he was going to tell you it was a date.

“Okay,” you say simply and walk away. You hear Charlotte asking him details about his date, but you try actively not to hear any of it. Sarah watches you walk away and sees the way you wrap your arms around yourself to comfort you. She feels a twinge of sadness as she watches the scene unfold, seeing something she hadn’t realized was there before.

Harry doesn’t text or call you that night. You hang out with everyone else for a little while in Charlotte’s room before heading to bed, saying you think you need an early night tonight. Before you’re able to walk out of the door, Mitch stops you. “I heard Harry blew off whatever conversation the two of you have been trying to have again. Just wanted to tell you I’m sorry.” You try to smile but it comes out as more of a grimace. There is no conversation Harry is blowing off, it’s simply you. “It’s fine. Like he said yesterday, it’s not important.” Mitch nods, but still looks at you with concern. What he had seen last night, then on stage today, and what Sarah had told him about your interaction after the show it all strung together in his mind. It didn’t seem unimportant at all. But he didn’t know how he could tell you that. He felt like he should talk to Harry about the way you looked when you left Charlotte’s room tonight, but he didn’t know how to bring it up to him either.

You don’t realize you’re crying until you're in the elevator, and it’s slowly rising to your floor of the hotel. You’re only one level up, but it feels like an eternity in there. You already weren’t a fan of elevators, but this ride felt impossibly worse. The walls are all made up of mirrors and you see yourself in the reflection, but you don’t exactly recognize the girl in there. Your eyes are tired from the show, dark circles already formed. Your hands are aching, clenching and unclenching on their own accord. Your body is slumped against the back wall, likely leaving a slight imprint from the smoke residue and dust on your clothes. Worst of all are the tears running down your face, smudging at your makeup, the black mascara you had applied dripping down in sinister raindrops against your skin. The sad girl stares back at you as you sniffle slightly, confused at what you’re seeing. “Why are you crying?” you ask yourself, your voice creaking and then breaking at the end as you struggle to get out the word ‘crying’ before a sob wracks through you. You roll your eyes when your reflection offers no explanation for itself. You laugh at your own patheticness and try to shake the feelings you’re experiencing.

Inside your room now, you flop on the bed and stare straight up at the ceiling. Your arms spread to your sides and your legs lay limply below you. You think about every night before last, every night since the tour started. Every night where you weren’t alone, where you were with Harry. Your mind flits to last night, how Harry’s lips had ghosted over your skin after his apology. How you had told him you forgave him and it had felt so peaceful, so simple. It was all so easy. Thinking about him and the things the two of you did together brought a smile to your face, unbeknownst to you. When you realize it’s there, your face drops immediately, deciding not to think about Harry.

But trying to not think about Harry makes you only think about him more and what you think about him now most definitely doesn’t bring a smile to your face. You’re thinking about him out on his date with some person you chose to learn nothing about. Maybe out of fear of what is happening right now. By knowing nothing about the person, you can’t compare yourself to them. Can’t see what’s different about them that would make Harry go out on a date with them. But it doesn’t matter who they are or what they look like because at the end of it all you know one thing for certain. They’re not you. You correct yourself, you know two things actually, because you also know that Harry chose to be with them instead of you tonight.

You fall asleep with tear stained cheeks that night and absolutely nothing positive on your mind. You want to sleep but know it only brings whatever is bound to happen tomorrow, which doesn’t seem very promising.

-

It’s noon when you wake up and you wake to a knocking on your door. You grumble and throw a sweatshirt over your body to hide the underwear you slept in. Not remembering your new habit, you swing the door open without any hesitation to find Harry. He looks wide awake and happy, the way he almost always looks, a fresh beautiful flower of a man. You look at him groggily, “What are you doing here?”

“You weren’t answering your phone.”

“Because I was asleep?” You tilt your head and look at him incredulously. “What about this,” you gesture to your appearance, “looks like I just went for a 3 mile jog for fun and I love the morning?”

“Can I come in?” He ignores everything you just said and enters the room when you leave the door to get back in bed. You often did that with him, you don’t know why, but when he asked to come in the room it was just simpler to let him in then say anything. He knew what you meant.

He sits at the edge of the bed as you reclaim your spot in the middle of it, tucked slightly under the covers, but still sitting up. “How was your date?” You try to sound nonchalant and it seems to work. Harry doesn’t notice your tense figure, but you notice how he tenses up when you ask.

“Good…Her name was-” You don’t let him finish, you already know the answer to this next question and you don’t need her name in order to ask it, “Did you fuck her?”

He’s silent, green eyes staring straight at you. You meet his gaze, your eyes almost burning holes into him. His eyes are begging you to not make him answer the question, he doesn’t want this to end, even if he also didn’t want the commitment he had felt himself exhibiting the other night.

When he had come to your room the other night after Mitch had almost caught you, he knew he shouldn’t have stayed. He didn’t want you to feel bad so he had come to apologize, but when the pair of you didn’t have sex, he should have left. But he didn’t, he stayed and it wasn’t for you, it was for himself. It was for him to hold you in his arms because he liked to. But when he woke up the next morning he knew he needed to leave. Solely cuddling wasn’t part of your arrangement together. It’s probably on the list of don'ts that the pair of you had. So after he realized the line he had willingly crossed with you, he quickly sent a text to Jeff who had tried to set him up with a model they were acquaintances with the night before - the reason he had gotten held up. Harry had initially declined, not very interested in seeing anyone else but you. But looking back on that choice in the light of day seemed to solidify what this relationship was - a relationship - and Harry didn’t like that. The commitment wasn’t part of the plan, so he told Jeff to set that date up for after the second show at the Forum and give the woman a ticket. That’s why he was smiling at his phone the morning after only cuddling with you, that’s why he didn’t joke around with you during the show, and that’s why he wasn’t in your bed last night.

You watch him expectantly, silently waiting for his answer, your veins cold as ice. He finally starts his answer and he wants to make it clear that it wasn’t as good with the other woman, but he’s not sure how to work that part in. He’s not sure how to explain to you it meant nothing if your arrangement also apparently meant nothing. You barely even let him get in a sentence. “Yes, but it was just a one time-”

“Alright.”

“What?” He doesn’t understand what you mean when you nod your head and cut him off.

“I told you at the beginning, Harry. Tell me when you sleep with someone else because when you do this is over. It doesn’t matter if she’s the love of your life or a one night stand. I will not be a backup plan, so if you’re able to find other people to sleep with, you don’t need to be sleeping with me.”

He sits in silence for a moment, his jaw dropped open slightly. He’s unable to keep it shut as his mind races about what to say. “Are you mad with me?”

“No, I’m fine. This was just sex. Charlotte will be happy that I’ll be going out with her more.”

Harry’s brow furrows as you shift away from him on the bed, grabbing your phone and beginning to flick through it. You feel numb and you’d like to not think about why.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks because he does care about you, worry is written all over his face. He just can’t commit, not now.

“What would I be mad about, Harry?” You look up and your eyes widen at him, silently asking him to truthfully say why you should be so upset about this revelation. You always knew it would eventually come to an end, you just hadn’t expected so soon. You hadn’t known the last time would be the last time and it broke your heart even if you knew it shouldn’t.

He shifts to reach his hand out to touch your exposed knee. You move away from him and he sighs, looking exasperated. “I- I don’t know. It just seems like we should talk about this.”

“You didn’t even think it was necessary to tell me you were going on a date last night, so I think it’s best if we just left it at ‘it’s fine, see you around’.”

He spreads his hands out across the sheets, examining his rings and painted nails thoroughly. You’re right, he doesn’t really want to talk about this. Well, more so, he’s conflicted. He would like to talk enough that you want to continue your arrangement but he doesn’t want to talk about feelings or emotions. Even if he has those feelings and emotions, they’re just not part of the things he’d like to talk about. “But-” You set your phone down at his first word, “Were you even going to tell me you fucked someone else today if Charlotte hadn’t asked you if it was a date last night? Would you just have come to my room tonight and acted like nothing had changed?”

“I would have told you.”

“Sure.”

“I swear I would’ve. I would never break a promise to you.”

“But you would make a decision that affects the both of us without telling me until afterwards?” Your voice breaks a little and you beg yourself not to cry right now.

“I thought you said this was just sex?”

You laugh humorlessly, in disbelief, “Of course it’s not, Harry! And it hasn’t been for a long time and that’s why you got scared and went and fucked someone else.” He looks at you blankly, unsure what to say, knowing you’re right. You continue, “But I also told you at the beginning of this, that I wasn’t going to try to change you. So this is me not trying to change you.” You sigh when he still says nothing, his expression completely unreadable, even to you. “Why couldn’t you have left it at ‘it’s fine’?” You say finally, barely above a whisper.

He blinks a few times after your final question. He flexes his hand one more time and then stands up from the bed. He adjusts his clothes and stares at you. You feel helpless, but you’re still trying to look pulled together, even after your outburst. You stare back. A thousand words floating through your heads, all the things you want to say and likely never will.

“I know, I’m…” he pauses, trying to get himself to say it, but he can’t. He can’t admit that he’s completely ruined whatever messed up paradise you had created together. “I’ll see you later.”

The apology or lack there of hangs in the air as he walks silently out your door. You don’t move, you barely even blink, still staring at the spot he had just occupied. Your breath finally escapes you, a large sigh. Then some nervous laughter. It was over...just like that. But things like this, left like this are never really over.

-

It’s awkward for a good amount of the rest of the tour. You hang out with your bandmates more and Harry rarely ever comes out with them after the shows. He either hangs out with Mitch on his own or is going out with random people he knows on the road. You and him speak, but it’s never a lot or about anything relatively meaningful. It’s not the fun back and forth of before or the fiery heat of sneaking around. You try to be normal with him, act like his casual friend and bandmate.

He does his best to do the same, but it’s difficult for him. He doesn’t know how to talk to you anymore. He misses being with you, but can’t bring himself to fix it. He doesn’t do much to right his wrongs with you. He also doesn’t even know what he would want if he did apologize. It scared him to think about the step that came after ‘sorry’ so he saved himself the trouble and never did that part either. One night he texts you: “I’m trying, it’s just hard.” and that’s it. You don’t give him a response, he doesn’t need one. You know he’s trying and he knows you know.

Near the end of the tour, he comes out with the rest of you for drinks one night. Only Mitch is between the two of you in the booth, so you feel closer to Harry than you’ve felt in a long time. The group of you are chatting and having a good time. You somehow get onto a story from when you were still in college. You explain how you had narrowly avoided getting Chlamydia right before your Christmas break junior year. You act out the conversations you imagined would have happened at all your Christmas events if you had indeed gotten it. Your impressions of your mother, father, and sister have everyone laughing the most. Harry is shaking with laughter from your story and you smile at him in appreciation when he says, “That is the funniest story I’ve heard in a long fucking time.”

The rest of the night goes really well, for the most part. No one bickers or is short with each other. Everyone is laughing and drinks are flowing. Eventually Mitch gets up to go to the bathroom and you feel Harry slide back into the booth closer to you after letting Mitch out. Your hand had taken up residence next to your thigh, resting on the vinyl of the booth. You sense something next to it now and notice Harry’s hand is resting close beside it. He shifts his hand closer when he sees that you’re looking down at it. He’s almost touching you and you look up to his eyes, wondering if he’ll close the distance. He makes an imperceptible shake of his head, but you know what he means. As you’re about to shift your hand so that your pinky connects with his, Mitch returns and your head shoots up to his figure. You instantly remove your hand from the vinyl and shift closer to Charlotte. Harry gets up, but doesn’t sit back down once Mitch is settled. He instead walks off to get another drink, risking one last look at the table where he makes eye contact with you, but he doesn’t come back. Mitch informs everyone that Harry went back to the hotel because “he was tired” after Harry doesn’t return and Mitch gets a text. You roll your eyes, sure that you saw him slip out of the side door with a woman he found at the bar after he had gotten his drink. If that’s what ‘tired’ looked like on Harry, it was fine.

You start to speak to Harry on a more regular basis after that night out. It’s not funny or lighthearted. It’s just ‘I saw this song the other day, thought you might like to listen’. It went back and forth, it wasn’t everyday but it was something. The last text between the two of you before you began sharing songs again was his ‘I’m trying it’s just hard’ text that he had sent randomly one night. Then after one of you would listen, you would see each other at sound check and mention the song and what you thought about it. It can be noted that it was Harry who sent the first song.

For Harryween, Adam couldn’t be there. He has some family emergency the day of and doesn’t come with the rest of you to Madison Square Garden or the hotel you were staying at. Thankfully, Charlotte also plays keys and you can play bass. The band had to shift around some things on stage and make minimal changes to the setlist since you weren’t rehearsed on the covers Harry was doing. You spent the whole day running through the chords of those songs with Mitch, trying to memorize them so you didn’t mess it up during the show.

It was weird because for Harryween the setlist was switched up a little from the regular set for Love On Tour. Harry was playing the entire new album as well as half of the first album, Medicine, some of his other unreleased stuff, and about six covers, including old One Direction songs. It was going to be a long show and a challenge for you.

Before the show, Harry pulls you aside, to a dark corner backstage, and your mind flits back to the last time you had been in this type of position. The last time he had called you ‘love’, the last time you bit his earlobe - which always drove him crazy, the last time he ground his hips against yours, those and more and you had no idea that it was the last. By then you had already had sex with Harry for the last time, kissed his lips for the last time. It made your heart race to be so close to him and so alone once again. But it’s nowhere near the same as it once was. You shake the memories from your mind and look up expectantly at him.

“Have you got this?” He asks seriously, tone concerned. Of course it’s a music question, nothing more. Like it always was now.

“Yeah, of course.” His stare is unwavering and you try not to falter from it.

“I can get someone else to cover tomorrow, it was just such a short notice today. You know bass really well too, it made sense.”

“I’ve got this. Seriously, don’t worry, Harold.” You pat his chest lightly and for once Harry smiles at the sound of your nickname for him. You had stopped using it after the end of your arrangement. It never felt right to use when you were talking about music, and that was about the only time you had been talking. In this moment though, it felt right. His warm, large hands held your upper arms as you stared up into his big eyes. You missed staring into them, the shimmering emerald of his irises were constantly intriguing. You instinctively reach up to move back a curl that has fallen onto his forehead. He doesn’t shy away from your touch and continues to smile down at you.

“Y’haven’t called me that in forever.” He grins, his lips a shiny pink from the lip balm he had on.

“No, I suppose I haven’t. But where was the groan? The whole point is to annoy you.” You smile coyly. He tips his head back and laughs, releasing your arms from his grasp as he laughs wholeheartedly.

Then he does a soft groan, a playful sound, “How was that?”

“Eh. I’ll give you a four out of ten. Not enough emotion behind it.” You slide from the area the two of you have been occupying and make your way onto the stage to start dealing with the bass you would be playing. You hear Harry call out to you, “I think I deserve at least a five, maybe even a six!” You turn back for a second to look at him with an unimpressed expression and shake your head no. He laughs again and you hear him even when you walk out onto the stage. You smile to yourself as you pick up the bass.

When he introduces the band, he waits to talk about you last. “And sadly this evening Mr. Adam Prentergest, our usual fabulous bassist, was unable to attend our fancy dress party! However! Our lovely Y/N L/N is also a superb bassist and was kind enough to step into his place. - Anything to add?” He saunters across the stage to you and you laugh kindly, feeling at ease in this part of the stage even though you were usually on the opposite side and further back from the crowd. You nod at Harry and he leans his portable mic towards your lips. You wet them quickly and eye Harry before turning out to the crowd. “Just please go easy on me if the bass sounds a bit wonky. It wasn’t on the job description that I’d be playing songs I didn’t know, with a few hours notice, on not my main instrument.” You say this in a kind of list format, holding up your fingers as you tick off all the ways that this was out of your comfort zone. You scratch your head dramatically after you’re finished and the whole crowd laughs and cheers. The rest of your bandmates chuckle along and Harry nods and smiles at you.

“You’ll do great, love.” He leans into your ear and says without the microphone. Then he winks and turns to go back to the center of the stage. You press your lips together to contain your smile, both happy and concerned about the flip your stomach just did.  

The show is going great. Harry is killing it with the crowd. Everything is electric. You’re entirely focussed on your bass playing, but Harry has been coming over every so often to do something fun or have you tell a joke.

“She’s truly the funniest person I know! And I know a fair amount of people I think.” Harry says as he walks over to you have you tell another joke. Mitch has been looking at you and Harry interacting all night and he’s sure that it isn’t your different position that has him coming over and talking to you so much tonight. Something has definitely changed once again. First the pair of you were always together and having fun, then it was silence and stolen glances that neither of you realized you were taking, now it was back to the beginning.

“That’s because you think puns are part of the top tier levels of comedy.” You say easily, “Here, I can guarantee Harry will love this and the rest of you will likely groan.” Then you stop and act as if you’re thinking for a little, everyone’s waiting expectantly. “Sorry, thinking...Well, I’ve got some skeleton puns I could do, they’re very humerus or y’know classic vampire ones..eh but those ones kind of suck. What do you think, Harry?” You look out at the crowd, face deadpan, as Harry laughs beside you. You roll your eyes playfully and push him back to the center of the stage. Leaning into your own mic now, you say, “I told you.” That’s when everyone laughs. Harry throws another look at you over his shoulder and laughs a little more, his smile wide and eyes bright.

A little over half way through the night, it’s time for ‘to be so lonely’. You already knew the bass chords for it before today and you were confident in yourself by now. It wasn’t as hard a song so you were happy for the little break. This song allowed you to not be looking down at the notes you had stuck to the floor in front of you. Harry’s voice comes in after Mitch’s intro and you watch the way his lips move against his mic. You laugh a little as you watch the crowd yell the first “arrogant son of a bitch” line. You used to not particularly like when people did that, but after it had ended with Harry you had started to enjoy it a bit more. Having those people yell the words you couldn’t, but truly felt about him sometimes, was cathartic. Tonight you weren’t angry with him, but you enjoyed the energy in the room when everyone said it. We’ve all got our own ‘arrogant son of a bitch’ that we want to scream at sometimes. Tonight yours wasn’t Harry for the first time in a long time. The song moves along and Harry takes the microphone off its stand, he walks towards your side of the stage. When the lyrics get to:

“I miss the shape of your lips, your wit, it’s just a trick, this is it so I’m sorry”

Harry isn’t looking at the crowd, he’s looking straight at you. You don’t understand the way he’s looking at you. Or maybe you don’t want to understand it. This song, its lyrics, explains Harry really well. You saw the relationship you had with him in the words. Maybe not precisely, but a part of it was in it. Harry had unknowingly foretold your lives with his words. You know he has trouble connecting and committing, you know his issues, and you accept them. But you knew what had happened between the two of you was far more serious than meaningless sex and you knew Harry couldn’t bring himself to be that serious. He ran off and that was fine, but the face that he couldn’t even apologize hurt you the most. But the song lays it all out for you, he’s not one to be able to apologize quickly. The fact that he looks at you and means the apology he sings in the song for you, it’s a big step, but it’s not enough. The banter, the technical apology, it was all a good start, but it’s just that - the beginning. If Harry wants to make things better with you, a lot more needs to be discussed. So when you sing backing vocals for the following chorus you mean the words for Harry completely.

“Don’t call me baby again, you got your reasons, I know that you’re trying to be friends. I know you mean it, but don’t call me baby again it’s hard for me to go home and be so lonely”

His eyes flick to you again and see your lips moving around the words as you play the bass. He sees the emotion in your face and understands what you’re saying. It’s hard for you to go to your room at night and be alone while he’s out with someone else. It’s hard for him to act like everything’s all fine and perfect, back to normal, because for you it isn’t really. He can’t call you ‘love’ and tell the world you’re funny and expect it to be enough. He can’t sing his sorry that was initially for someone else to you and expect you to accept it. And he knows it, too.

After the show everyone decides they’re exhausted and need to rest before tomorrow. You all planned to celebrate the whole day and you knew it was going to be a wicked Halloween. Knowing this, you’re surprised with the knock on your door after about an hour of being back at the hotel. You’ve given up the habit you had once hoped to cultivate and swing the door open haplessly. Truly having no idea who to expect, you are still surprised to find the man standing before you.

“Mitch.”

“We need to talk.” He stares down at you, his shoulders slumped from tiredness.

“Come in,” you usher him in when you hear the urgency of his voice. He saunters in before you and you close the door. You move to the small couch in the room and sit down. Your hands gesture for him to sit as well, but he shakes his head. He stays standing and brings a hand up to smooth his hair back on the right side. His eyes staying on the floor and flickering up to you every so often.

“What is going on with you and Harry?”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh come on Y/N. You’re seemingly best friends with him for a good portion of tour, then you’re barely on speaking terms for the second half, now you’re joking around again. What is going on?”

You sit there in a stunned silence, “I don’t know what to say.” Your arms go to hug your body, feeling anxious about being confronted about this topic.

“Were you seeing each other?” His voice is soft, eyes taking in your body language and knowing it’s a difficult topic.

“I wouldn’t put it like that…”

He holds back the ‘I knew it’ statement because of  how sullen you look, b..ut in his mind all of the pieces he had watched unfold came to fit in a perfect puzzle. He decides to sit beside you when you don’t say anything else.

“We were having sex,” it felt weird to say it out loud, no one but you and Harry had actually known, “But it ended. I don’t know what today was...but it felt different than how it’s been.”

“Why are you so sad if it was just sex?” He places a hand on your shoulder and your tear-filled eyes meet his. “Oh…” He knows why.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” You sob at his apology because he’s not the one who should be at your door apologizing. You sniffle and lean your head into his chest. He takes you into his arms and holds you as your cries become muffled sounds in his shirt.

You cry without words for a few minutes, Mitch coos some soothing words, his voice soft and kind. He was always a good shoulder to cry on for all of your bandmates, he was extremely strong and you made a mental note to thank him thoroughly when you actually were capable of forming coherent thoughts. “I’ve never told anyone before. It feels so weird even saying it out loud,” you say as you pull back from Mitch’s embrace. You're thankful his shirt is black, no tear stains can be made out.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks gently, gauging your reaction. You wipe at your eyes and nod.

Taking a deep breath, you decide to start from the beginning. “Do you remember the party Charlotte had a week before we left for tour?”

Mitch nods and his eyes widen at what you’re saying as he remembers the night. “It started back then?” He’s unable to contain his incredulous question. He had suspected something, but hadn’t thought it had been going on for that long. He was truly astounded. You nod, “Well sort of,” then you go on to recount the last couple of months. All the way up until the Forum shows. “That night, when I opened Harry’s door and it was you standing there...Harry and I didn’t have anything to discuss. It was just…” Mitch nods again. He hadn’t spoken much since you had gotten into the story, wanting to let you be in charge of what you were saying and believing he could probably ask questions at the end. “Then the next night he blew me off for his date with that model and I cried in the elevator because I knew what was going to happen next.”

“So that’s when it ended?” Mitch asks when you don’t speak for a rather extended period of time.

“Yeah, the next morning he came over and I asked if they had sex and he said yes so I told him it was over.”

“But I don’t get why he went out with that model. He had told me she wasn’t his type the night before…” Your eyes shot up and looked at Mitch. His eyes widened when he realized what he said.

“What?”

“When we were talking about Canyon Moon, he mentioned that Jeff had tried to set him up with some woman but he had declined. Said he wasn’t interested. I don’t get what changed between then and the next morning.” He figured it was best to put all the cards out on the table right now. You’d be going your separate ways for a while, now that the tour was over and he had seen how unhappy both you and Harry had been over the last part of the tour.

You shift your leg to have it folded beneath you as you continue to stare at Mitch. “He came over after you and him had your meeting,”  you say quietly. Mitch hums, waiting for you to continue this time.

“He apologized for choosing you over me to talk to. Then we slept together, but we didn’t have sex...I think that’s what wigged him. It had felt too real, sleeping in the same bed with me without having sex beforehand made it feel like something more than just two people fulfilling needs.” Mitch nods and sighs heavily. He looks around the room and then back to you, taking in your full appearance. Again he feels terrible for you, how he had felt the second night at the Forum even though he hadn’t known the full story yet. “Now we’re here.”

“Tonight, it felt like he was trying,” Mitch finally said and you smiled sweetly, thinking back to Harry’s behavior. No matter how far from him you were, all those good feelings you associated with him never went away.

“Yeah, it’s been getting better. He texted me once saying he was trying. Then he came out with us one night and it almost seemed like that would be the night he’d apologize, but then he didn’t. Then we started sharing music with each other again. Then tonight… was tonight. It’s just confusing. He’s confusing.”

Mitch smiles sadly and brings you in for another hug and you’re actually so thankful he

showed up at your door. It was your first time telling anyone all of this, because Harry didn’t even know how you felt about some of these things. It felt amazing to be heard and to be told it was okay to be feeling like this.

Pulling back, Mitch says, “He’s definitely different. But his differences are what make him special and that’s why I think he clings to them even if they sometimes can hurt other people. The fact that he’s trying is a good sign. I hope he can find it in himself to make it right between you two because I had never seen either of you happier than when you were apparently together. Especially those few weeks leading up to Los Angeles. Sarah had kept asking me why Harry was so smiley back then. When I had asked him, he had just said “have you ever found something and realized you wanted to keep it with you forever?” I had no idea what he had meant, but I feel like he meant you now.”

Your awestruck at what Mitch has just told you. He was right about the first part about Harry trying to change, but the last bit, that’s what had left you speechless. You turn your body to face the rest of the room and put your chin against your hand as you think.

“Mitch...I have to go.”

He understands what you mean and you walk out of the door with him. He walks down the hall to his room and you walk quickly past the elevator and opt for the stairs. Before you know it you’re running up the stairs, taking two at a time even though you’re not the most athletically inclined. You can’t stand to wait for the elevator and your mind is racing.

You knock on the door that is Harry’s after reaching his floor. It swings open and reveals a confused and sleepy Harry. Thankfully he’s still fully dressed because that would have been a whole other problem you would have if he hadn’t been. You push past him and walk straight into his room without any invitation. He follows behind you, still unsure of why you’ve come here.

“Have you ever found something and realized you want to keep it forever?” You ask him, repeating the words Mitch had just told you.

“Pardon?”

“You told Mitch that about me before we ended things. If that’s how you felt, why didn’t you do what you said?”

Harry sighs as the words register in his mind. The memory of when he had smiled at Mitch so giddily and asked the vague question, his thoughts only of you as he asked it. The shit-eating grin he had plastered on his face after Mitch had looked at him confusedly flitted across his mind. As well as the way he had gone to his dressing room and had a quickie with you after that conversation.

“It’s not that simple…”

“It is, Harry! Why can’t you just be honest with me for once?”

“Okay, fine. You want me to be honest?” you nod at his harsh tone. The two of you standing only a few feet apart. “You have no goddamn idea what you do to me, when I’m around you, I have no control of my emotions or of my thoughts. I pushed you away because I didn’t like feeling out of control. I got out because what had started as a fun time had turned into me longing to be with you every waking hour. I found myself not caring what we did as long as I got to hold you and be around you, but that wasn’t part of the plan.”

“Plans can change, Harry.”

You step closer to him and he meets your eyes. He had left his music playing softly on his phone before he had opened the door so now as the two of you stared at each other, he must have been playing his Etta James playlist because her voice faded out of the song “I’d Rather Go Blind” and straight into “A Sunday Kind of Love”. Harry had shared her At Last album with you over the Christmas holiday of last year and you had decided to listen to her entire discography afterwards, so you knew the songs. The transition was a little too on the nose and you wondered if Spotify ever listened to your conversations.

His emerald eyes examine your face and take inventory of your features, measuring whether anything had changed since he had looked at you this close up. Your hand goes up to cup his cheek and he nuzzles into it, dropping his head closer to you ever so slightly and closing his eyes at the feeling of you.

“I am sorry,” he whispers earnestly as he reopens his eyes.

You can’t take your eyes off of him even if you tried. He looks so soft in the moment, so vulnerable in this light as the music swells in the corner of the room. Etta sings about how she needs a love that is going to last as the pair of you inch yourselves closer together.

“I forgive you, Harry,” you whisper back.

He nudges his head further down and your lips finally press together, slotting back together after months apart. Your lips are eager to press back against their favorite companion. You oblige them, but pull back for a second, just far enough to say, “I will always forgive you, so long as you tell me when you’re scared so we can work through it together.”

He nods, “I promise to never let you go again.” Before taking you back against his lips and gathering your body up in his arms. His lips missing yours just as much.

-

[aliensunflower-fics]

Marinette The Perfect Daughter In Law: A Prompt

[ I've seen a few ‘everyone loves Marinette AU’s’ and a couple Marvel DC ‘all the mentors want THEIR kid to end up with Marinette AU’s’ and well frankly! I felt inspired! So I present to you my new prompt / AU thing! In which all the most powerful / rich / popular people in Paris decide to play matchmaker… ]

It starts when Adrien and Kagami have a less than AMICABLE break up according to their parents and the media anyway in reality it was a really REALLY dull break up. The pair have been ‘dating’ (using each other as an excuse to go out and experience normal teenage stuff) since they were 15. Now at 17 soon to be 18 the pair decided to publicly break up in order to pursue other people and interests. The problem is they never told their parents the truth so both Gabriel and Kagami’s mother Tomeo feel protective and concerned about what must surely be an upsetting first heartbreak for their child. And okay maybe both parents take that out on each other and both get a bit defensive and protective. And MAYBE it ends with Tomeo vowing to get revenge for her daughter. Enter, Marinette. Up and coming fashion designer for the rich and famous! She’s single, talented, and as far as Tomeo knows Gabriel is interested in the girl for her talent. So what better revenge could exist but having Marinette take an interest in Kagami!

Kagami has no idea why her mother suddenly has an interest in Marinette but she wont complain about having more time with her very cute designer friend. And all the outfits Tomeo is paying Marinette to make for Kagami is giving the young fencer plenty of up-close and personal moments with Marinette. And okay Marinette is VERY cute and Kagami wont question why she suddenly has all this tine with Marinette, eating ice cream with the girl and having brunch. But she knows shes absolutely head over heels when Marinette shows up at her fencing tournament gives her a luck charm and cheers her on wearing HER colors. Obviously Kagami wiped the floor with all the competition she cant be seen hesitating in front of Marinette!

On Tomeo’s side of things she makes sure that the paparazzi still lurking around after Kagami and Adrien’s breakup catch photos of what could easily be interpreted as dates between the girls. After all this is a revenge ploy but also Marinette is fantastic so Tomeo is 300% down with Kagami ‘bringing her into the family’ something she tells Kagami after the first paparazzi ‘date photos’ leak into the news. Kagami still has no idea this was an orchestrated affair and just thinks her mothers caught on to her feelings and is overjoyed that Marinette is approved of because after the cheek kiss Marinette gave her for winning the fencing tournament Kagami was preparing to fight her mother for the right to pursue the young designer seriously. After all she never hesitates! 

But Tomeo never realized Gabriel isnt the only one interested in Marinette. Audrey Bourgeouis has been keeping an eye on Marinette trying to find a way to get Marinette on to her side and away from Gabriel. So when she sees the photos of Kagami and Marinette she sees an opportunity. After all if Marinette isnt exclusively into men (and those photos of her flushed cheeks as Kagami cleans ice cream off her bottom lip are a clear indication shes not) then Audrey smells opportunity. After all Marinette was Chloe’s first crush! How cute would that be! The next day Marinette is being offered yet another opportunity to intern under Audrey this time with much looser restrictions. When Marinette accepts she suddenly finds herself working with Chloe… A LOT. The pair are modeling together, often paired together for shoots in perfect complementary clothes that screams ‘opposites attract’. Chloe is also helping manage Marinette’s brand and the two start to get along very well. The model photos and their business lunches are soon plastered alongside the Kagami and Marinette outings with parisian gossip blogs finding their interest picked by this potential love triangle.

Chloe for one, was confused at first. Sure she knew her mom was interested in Marinette but she never thought SHE would be working so closely with her first crush. And Chloe tries to ignore it, after all those are dead feelings! And Marinette woud never forgive her anyway so why even- Wait. Is that Marinette in a downright gorgeous golden dress? A-and she will be posing right next to Chloe for their shared shoot? Well… Chloe always thought herself deserving of royalty and damn if Marinette aint the princess of her dreams. Sorry Adriken’s you had your chance to get the girl, but now its winner keeps all and Marinette is the only prize shes interested in. For the record Alya is freaked out by Chloe being nice, but shes more weirded out by Chloe being protective and handsy and downright shamelessly flirty with Marinette. Audrey is pleased when she hears the news and is quick to give her daughter encouragement acting as if none of this was premeditated at ALL.

Oh but they have no idea that this is just the beginning. Because guess who's moved back into town. Adrien’s favorite cousin and aunty. And Felix’s mom is quite the busybody and dammit Felix needs friends! And maybe a cute girlfriend! And oh whos that pretty girl on the magazine cover? Marinette? The one her celebrity connections have nothing but praise for? Perfect! Shes invited to lunch with Felix and herself on friday to discuss movie costumes! And oh Audrey dear dont you think Marinette would look fabulous sandwiched between TWO blondes! Felix hasnt modeled in a while but come now. So suddenly Marinette is being spotted with Felix guiding him about paris and modeling with him AND Chloe under AUDREY’s brand NOT Gabriels.

Felix thought hed really hate Marinette; he tried to ignore her he really did. But shes funny, witty and sweet. Not to mention trustworthy, so a good candidate for a business partner. And thats it, but then he has to admit hes impressed when he rolls up to a photoshoot and Chloe! The definition of brat personified is acting… Bearable. Yes, somehow Marinette has done the impossible! She has tamed the beast known as Chloe. And yes fine he will admit shes drop dead gorgeous and how intelligent of her to learn all sides of the fashion industry and boost her rep with modelling! Soon hes spending more time with her, he tries to argue he needs a guide, that shes the most bearable person to be with! That she is just a friend- Oh god. No it cant be! He sounds like-! Like ADRIEN! And Chloe already told him about THAT mess! No! Absolutely not! He will not lead on Marinette like his idiot cousin! Marinette is a rare and beautiful woman! She could be his queen! And god he has to admit it much as he loathes too Marinette’s smile is enough to make him thank every non-existent god. He will win her heart, show her that she deserves better than his brain dead cousin! Felix is sure mother will approve of his decision to pursue the girl, now he just needs to do more shoots with Marinette...

And that's what finally gets Gabriel to snap. Because REALLY Felix!? Is there no loyalty to FAMILY. Not to mention he was totally drafting a potential contract for Marinette when Audrey snapped her up the witch! But its fine! Marinette has always been interested in Adrien! Surely she still is? Surely she's not been swayed by any of her new suitors! Right? Gabriel knows he can't mess with Audrey’s contract so he goes through Adrien, freeing up his sons schedule and telling him to spend time with Marinette to help her ‘adapt’ to the harsh world of fashion and modeling. He uses Adrien’s heroic nature to make it sound like hed be saving her from Chloe and Felix. And sure enough Adrien bites, using his friendship with Chloe to worm into fittings, meetings, and photo shoots. At first hes just there to make sure Chloe and Felix arent hurting sweet Marinette. But when he sees the blondes fighting for her attention, flirting with her, posing with her in some rather romantic settings. Suddenly hes less worried and more… Jealous? No! Not him! Hes concerned, confused, suspicious! Obviously he needs to spend more time with Mari- Wait! When did Kagami get here to take Marinette to lunch! And why are they all ignoring him!!!

Now Marinette is fully in the public's eye. Gossip blogs are being fed bits of info writing up each ‘candidates’ appeal as THE romantic partner to the Marinette Dupain-Cheng paris new darling, the girl with a heart of gold too oblivious to see the trail of hearts following her around! But there is still another contender yet to enter the game! Jaggeds been away on tour teaching Luka his up and coming protege all the tricks. And lets not lie Luka has his own fans now, enough to rival all the others. Jagged sees Luka as his own son, even calling him as much! Hell hes even adopted Luka and Juleka and when I say adopted I mean Jagged literally got shared custody of the kids when their real dad tried to start trouble once Luka started gaining fame. Luka and Juleka for one love their adopted father and his wonderful fiance Penny. But back to Jagged, being Jagged. 

The moment Jagged is back in Paris he's checking up on his favorite designer and hopefully future daughter in law! When… WHAT'S THIS?! All the other ritchies in Paris are playing his game! Trying to get Marinette married into THEIR families! Not rock and roll at all! He was here first! And so being Jagged he decides to make Luka’s stake in the race for Marinette’s heart clear! By spamming social media with photos of Marinette being cute with Luka, taking his measurements, going out with him, the pair babying Fang, the two passed out against each other after a long concert. And he has photos going back at least a year or two! Soon Luka’s fans pick up the hype starting a trending hashtag finding the pair cute! Jagged feels confident that hes won! When Audrey retaliates, and from there its a complete train wreck. Before long each pair has a hashtag filled with cute moments and arguing over whos dating the model / fashion designer! 

Meanwhile Adrien is drowning in denial as he goes through each hashtag seething about how many MORE photos everyone else has with Marinette, when HE is her very good friend and was here first! Felix, Chloe and Kagami on the other hand have declared open war after they tried to talk to each other about the hashtags reasonably only for it to devolve into “so you agree Marinette is best with me!” - “WHAT! No! Thats not what I said! Besides she clearly is best with me!” - “Ridiculous!” And so on. Poor Luka is having an entirely different reaction hiding in shame unsure how to face Marinette because he WAS going to ask her on a proper date now that she seems over Adrien, because even with everything she's the melody playing in his heart and he had a plan! But now his mom and sister are texting him and teasing him and apparently he has MORE competition! Who do these people think they are to deserve Marinette! No! Luka won't lose Jagged has been teaching him to be bold and confident! And Marinette is worth all of his efforts! Jagged REGRETS NOTHING even if Penny confiscated the tv remote!

Marinette meanwhile has no idea what's going on because the whole class made a dumb bet on when the designer would notice with one of the bet conditions being that no one could tip Marinette off and that they have to keep her away from Paparazzi so they dont spoil it either. And sense Alya is helping manage Marinette’s social media Marinette hasn't looked at it yet so she has NO idea what's happening. But her birthday is coming up next week and Chloe definitely didn't get dibs on planning a surprise party for her all so she could spoil the girl and RUB her GREAT relationship with Marinette into her competitions FACES! The competition however (and Adrien JustAfriend Agreste) have decided that they really aren't going down without a fight!

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