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thatdeadaquarius · 2 years

Note

OP your addtion about the Harbinger's reaction? Sent me wheezing to the moon 🤣🤣💀

I dont have any additions to Teyvat language yet (other anons have a more in depth explanations while mine is just shitposts wheEZE--) but I did have an idea for a Genshin AU.

I'm pretty sure everybody has heard about the blue alien people Avatar. Tribal people from another planet. (Also I just stumbled upon the forests of Sumeru while going through Chasm quests. The one that has giant mushrooms).

Imagine Genshin in the Avatar Au. Sumeru can be based on the first movie (It fits cause from what I can explore of Sumeru reminds me of the time I watched Avatar of the first time. Pure awe and wonder..) While the Water nation can be based on the 2nd movie, Hoyoverse hasnt released the name of the Water Country yet so we're just waiting. Mondstadt can be based on the upcoming 3rd (4th or 5th? Idk they had it lined up) movie that involves being high above the clouds. Kind of like the Jade palace or the Floating Abode in the serenitea pot.

Its all I could base for now since the other movies dont have that much info yet to be paired with Genshin's countries.

Bonus idea that randomnly popped into my head:

Still going with this Au but its sagau themed. Creator!Reader arrives to Teyvat and is considered as Eywa

NOW THIS

THIS IS AN ✨️IDEA✨️

I just want u to know i feel b l e s s e d that u put this in MY ask box , when this coulda been a whole post of ur own 💖💖🙏🙏

WARNING: So i havent seen the new movie, just the og Avatar one, and i totally loved that concept about Eywa and how their world works so ill refresh myself but if theres any new lore from the 2nd movie i aint got it yet 💁 srry babs

🎵 FROM THE DAY WE ARRIVED ON THE PLANEETTT

AND STEPPED OUT BLINKING INTO THE SUN

AND THE SUN ROSE HIGH IN A SAPPHIRE SKY

ITS THE CIRRRRCCCLLLEEE OF LIFFFFEEEE 🎵

^ except ur like the life itself bc ur god now

Thats why i put that there

This AU radiates that energy

♤

BRO I TOTALLY FORGOT ABT U MENTIONIMG THE COOL CHASM STUFF AND PICKED THAT GIF ALL ON MY OWN

BC I THOUGHT IF ANYTHING LOOKS LIKE EYWA TREE IN GENSHIN ITS THAT BEAUTIFUL MUSHROOM GOD

ANYWAYS-

So I accidentally posted this too early so keep refreshing or coming back bc if theres no "♡the beloveds♡" im still updating this then LMAO

SRRY GUYS

So anon's a genius and i could listen to u talk about this all day

I fucking love combining world building or lore together

Esp like making one the AU or just the setting like u said with Avatar worlds as settings and same characters-

EEEEEE U ARE EYWA- YESSSSS YESSSSSS I AM YOUR GOD BITCHES!!! SUCK ON MY BIG FAT MAN TIDDIES BITCHES RAHHHHH /REF

♧

So they deffo use "Eywa" as a term for you instead of your name

Honestly, before when u were a mysterious af planet creature thing (lets say u get isekaied there i mean)

Nobody rlly knew if u even could take a mortal form or even thought of that as a concept

I feel like the younger generations immortals and Teyvat's current countries kinda think of you Eywa as more of a passive entity life force thing

Rather than the older immortals and creatures that had seen thru eons or over the course of a couple thousand years

That u were very aware and intelligent

Not that ur energy or aura didnt tell them that alone

◇

So a little deeper into the Teyvat lore here but i dont see anybody else talking about it so I will

Originally, it was the Seven Sovriegns and you, and eventually Phanes and their Four Shades,

And they literally all quickly came to realize u literally made this planet and began to start the first traditions of worshipping you!

Like putting gifts or hand made goods at the base

(Ppl have also gotten a tradition from Morax/Rex Lapis and Guizhong and other adepti to leave birthday letters to offer you, which ties into what i say below⬇️)

Ya know,

Eywa the tree could even be a sort of source to the eyes of Teyvat of what you look like while u were playing the game

Like how Eywa's little jellyfish reach ppl in the forest and shit? I think?

So like i would imagine that whatever u make certain vessels or acolytes do most often, is what they think they should offer u :0

◇

Claymore users give u gemstones and ores

Bow users give u hunted game like fowl, or the treasure from puzzles that required arrows (like those bursting blue balloons?)

Catalysts and Polearms give u all kinda of crazy shit lmao

Bc they can be used for a vareity of things

◇

Bc of ur player status and abilities, people of Teyvat attribute a gain in power or talents or whatnot to you, Eywa

So say u actually physically there now, and u just wake up under the coolest sickest tree youve ever seen in ur life

Omg could u imagine????

Seeing Teyvat irl? But AVATAR WORLD IRL???!!!

You would stand there lookin around like a drunk fuck for like 20 minutes, maybe longer lmao

Its just so ✨️pretty✨️ here

Also the tree itself just feels like, the equivalent to ur bedroom basically but like specifically if it was hella comfy and like just the way u want it (all the decor is up, the floor is clean, u got like hot choco on ur desk, theres a candle burning, etc.)

♤

Oh so since ur like weirdly connected to the land, like u know how theres a voice line abt walking in that glowing aranara part of Sumeru and ur steps light up?

I saw that too in the OG avatar movie

So i feel like u would have a map with ALLLLL the peoples on it and little icons

U can focus on just vision users or bosses or big nature things like Dragonspine

◇

Oh so Eywa can control all animals and whatnot and so u as a mortal person can too

So anytime theres a threat u can deadass just become a pokemon trainer LMAO

Ok but think how badass it would be to just like,

Get the Primo Geovishap or Giant Bird Jadeplume Terror thingy to just leave their territory and wipeout some mfs

(coughunknowngodasomodaycough)

It would be fucking amazing

♧

Unrelated to above bc im just spitting out ideas srry guys

but like

I feel like if u were a lifeforce sort of ancient eldritch god for the entire goddamn continent of Teyvat let alone the whole planet-

You would have to maintain said continent/planet

Like, make sure the Irminsul is growing okay, protect from mfs like Dottore,

Stop diasters if ur Eywa too, esp bc u can hear prayers now, and would hear ppl crying out to help them geez

while the prayers of the many kinda just glob together to form the major "feeling" of the prayer for most creatures,

Vision users, gods, ancient creatures u can get their exact sentences

Basically more magic = better heard to connect with u

◇

Oh u know, i could even see it being even more manual or personal labor bc ur not like a tree connected to ur roots thruout the world technically

Like if volcanoes erupt in Natlan, the archon and gods there help and u r also wanted/needed in person for it to work

U would still be powerful, but yeah like say the tree was u just playing genshin before,

The game automatically regulated diasters and stuff other than what was supposed to happen in game

◇

So kinda bouncing off that I read smwhere that the Na'vi dont actually view Eywa as like omnipotent or omniscient

(like the God™️ from the Christian bible for a example of what your not)

And also! Dont blame/attribute natural diasters, plagues, or other bad stuff on Eywa

So good for you whew 💦

Ur actually supposed to kinda just be the collective lifeforce or Teyvat/world and nature, and a defender and guide of life :0

Which kinda fits with the whole "upgrading characters" thing actually

◇

Okay but I saw somewhere in SAGAU tag someone did another name instead of Creator to spice it up and its "All-Mother"

And interestingly, Eywa in Avatar is also called that and "Great Mother"!!

How fun :0

Also, the reason Eywa still got people with free-will is bc they kinda described the relationship to Eywa being something like a mother or parent

Maybe where name/titles came from ig?

Either way, ppl be calling u all types of nicknames u aint heard before lmao

I mean ur sacred, they dont just say ur name,

Nobody knows ur real name or what u call yourself

Just what they call u

Bc they couldnt communicate with u super well before, (the bday letters were the closest they got verbally, and even then they had to be addressed somewhat to ur first vessel the traveler to get thru/be seen)

Otherwise yeah u operating them lets say before on Earth you rlly felt like an eldritch nature deity 💀

Cause u guide them in battles, strengthen their talents and skills and bodies, and feed them food

If they were in battle like needing healing food, u help them heal by consuming it for them so they dont have to take a snack break in battle and

Let me tell u, these denizens of Teyvat who have to constantly deal with magic and monsters and abyss stuff, so a stroll outside ur house gets u in a fight...

...They are very grateful for that needless to say.

Plus i like to think u make fighting easier on them bc ur "guiding" their bodies

◇

Anyway thats a long winded way to say, help me think of all the names Teyvat's given you lmao:

Eywa

All-Mother / Great Mother

All-Father / Great Father

All-Parent? / Great Parent

Creator

Their Grace

Great Puppeteer

The Puppeteer

Soul of Teyvat

Greatest Soul

☆

She aint long bc im not that creative and this idea has sm potential too😔

I would love to be Eywa sounds fun and powerful af and i dont get expected to be Jesus and they know i dont cause the natural diasters, like that sounds nice

Aight im no genius and this writing feels like im just rambling like a drunk guy sittin on the sidewalk mumbling to myself, i had to stop writing 💀

Like that energy specifically-

So lmk if yall got any other cool titles or names :0

I couldn't think of anymore :/

Also srry about the updating this post and making u check back in if u already read this before i put the taglist

(Me putting the taglist means im done editing/writing this dw if u seein this)

Cheers,

🌒🌧🌊Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

♡my beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

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hrodvitnon · 7 months

Note

Ichi: Drop it.

Rodan: Aww- did I hit a sore spot? Big strong dragon can't stomach being under a little human?

Ichi whips around at him with a snarl on his maw.

Ichi: The fact that you can and willingly do should embarrass you! King Ghidorah does not bow for anyone- much less puny humans!

Rodan throws up a surrender, having clearly pushed Ichi a little too far on the pegging stuff. The 1/3rd Ghidorah grabs his beer from the table, glares at Godzilla, and storms out.

Rodan: Did- did I actually go a little too far there?

Godzilla: Nah, don't worry. He gets cagey like that whenever his ass gets brought into a discussion.

Vivienne: Jeez, is he seriously that insecure about it? Is getting dommed genuinely a hurtful experience for him?

Godzilla: 'Genuinely hurtful'? No, it's not like that- he lets me do it.

Rodan: Jeez of course he does. Just hates humans.

Godzilla: I've heard- whispers- of him exploring himself with others in the past, once I may have even stumbled upon a house party in Rome at the height of the Empire in which he took 6 different gladiators to bed.

Vivienne: Ok putting aside the Roman Empire bit as my brain is not equipped to unpack that information drop right now; you make it sound like he's- scared of intimacy?

Goji leans over his shoulder to check if Ichi was still gone before looking back at the two.

Godzilla: He once let slip during a- shockingly intimate moment we shared long ago that sex with me felt 'too good for him'. Honestly it kinda floored me a bit, I would've never expected a sentiment like that to come from him. In my- shocked state- I made a bad mistake, laughed it off and joked about it. It was an awful thing to do on my part and I couldn't think of anything else but the dumb male mindset of 'get back at my rival at any cost'. I didn't see him for at least a decade afterwards and he gets all shouty if I ever try to bring it up again. So- yeah, I suspect he may be a little frightened of opening up in that way; and when he tried it with me he didn't get good results.

Rodan: Wow.

Mothra: I knew guys could be assholes but jeez, dude.

Goji: Yes, yes- whatever you have to say is probably not worse than what I've said to myself afterwards.

Vivienne: Y'know, I saw the pegging thing as a way to one-up his assholeiness; but now I kinda just feel bad for him.

Mothra: Tell me you at least apologized.

Godzilla: I've tried. He just laughs it off and makes a joke at my expense. Which, honestly; yeah I deserve that.

Godzilla: ...

Godzilla: Oh, also he has two prostates so, like, anal feels like- double good on him. It's bad, pretty sure it's also mind-numbing as he used to just sorta shut off when I got deep enough and he wasn't used to my size yet. Drooling, whining, moaning mess his first few times under me.

Rodan & Mothra & Vivienne: ...

(holy jesus fucking shit this was supposed to be a shitpost about the Ghidorah pegging thing that somehow spiraled out of control into Ghidzilla anal angst??? hello??? i like this too much to delete it and start again so here do what you will with this)

(Y'know... Ichi may have left... but San and Ni are still there.)

Ni: Why not just set up a flashing neon sign of our collective gaping asshole while you're at it?

Rodan: I do notice you two are still here.

San: 'Cause it's illegal to leave your girlfriend's lap while cuddling!

Ni: And it's been long enough that I've more or less gotten over it. No hard feelings... except when your dick is going up my hole, ya fat-knotted bastard.

Vivienne: Well, I don't expect Ichi to come up goading me into proving you right, Rodan. And I certainly don't see myself getting into bed with Ni or San. Especially San.

Maia: Smart woman.

Ni: And why is that again?

Vivienne: Oh, I don't know, remember the time Ichi NEARLY ATE ME?

Ni: ...yeah, that'll do it. Not me though. Did San tell you that he and I wanted to keep you as a pet?

Vivienne, glaring: He mentioned that, yes.

Ni, waggling eyebrows: I expect one of us to wear a collar if you take me for a ride, little lady.

Mothra: In any case, now we know Ichi has his own hangups about intimacy and we shouldn't hold it against him. We're all mates here, some more than others, give or take, and this should be a time of togetherness. Goji, darling, I expect you to be a gentleman should Ichi approach you for a talk, and do try not to give him any lip.

Goji: I know, I know. Sometimes old habits die hard, but I'll do my best to be sweet.

Shimo: *quietly sits in her spot sipping tea*

#tosho89 #frostbite814 #in the footsteps of shamhat

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benjaminthewolf · 2 years

Text

Sweet, Evil Dreams (Shitpost Edition)

Yep. It’s precisely what the title says.

The last part let’s the cat out of the bag on a few things so I’ll make a separate post about it.

****

“Oh come on now, buddy it's not like I haven’t done this before! I, just like any other creator out there, can look at an idea I have, and decide, ‘Ya know what, maybe that one isn’t destined to see the light of day.’, and thus go on to the next one in the line-up! It’s not really that hard to understand!” I, in a slightly annoyed tone, cry out.

The red-eyed figure beside me blinks. “I am very well aware of that, Spiritfang.” he growls. “You do realize, however, what this means?”

“Yeah yeah yeah you don’t have to use all your fancy, cryptic language to describe it. I know, I know.”

I pause.

“This is the end of the list, and therefore, once this story is done…”

“...are you sure you are ready to go through with this?”

I blink.

“...yes, Paradox. Yes I am.”

****

Nights in the Skylander Academy dorms were barely any different from each date to the next. The area was extremely well protected not only by a complex web of security cameras and alert systems, but also by constantly patrolling specially trained security guards, ever at the ready to strike upon any unforeseen intruder should the situation arise. As a result, if one were predisposed to launch an attack on any amount of the slumbering residents within, the most promising method of doing so would seem to be by pouncing upon them internally, rather than externally. Or, stated another way, deep within their dreams.

Thus, on this particular, otherwise unassuming night, a dream-bound battle of victims seemingly chosen by random promptly appeared inside the other reality, and a sequence of events destined to be remembered only by one at last commenced upon a call.

“Tread Head!” a voice called to the relatively unknown tech trap team core whom was rather unfortunately overshadowed by his elemental counterpart of Chopper back when the series was in its prime. The lightly shifting body of the Skylander told the voice on the outside that the little guy was conscious, but still needed to be coaxed a little more in order to open his eyes.

“Hey come on, wake up! Something’s very wrong here!”

Now that the odd, murmuring tech core was considerably more aware, he was able to subconsciously pair the voice he was hearing to that of a face. He definitely recognized it. It wasn’t something he could’ve known on the spot, but upon flickering open his big light blue eyes, he finally figured it out.

“Wham-Shell?” he sputtered out with a gasp as he swiftly sat up.

****

Now, taking the moment to interject, I must of course preface that the following duo of characters, as well as the actions that they are about to take, were not made by conscious decision in any stretch of the imagination. If the little introductory section at the start didn’t already tip you off, this story is going to be very hard to write. Not because of length, nor any technical roadblocks. No. In reality, this entire scene was chosen by my subconscious brain, and my subconscious brain alone, to play out amongst my slumber well over a year ago. There is a very good reason I saved this story for last on my list of self-indulgent ideas to get to. It is because the concept was not, in truth, made by me. I have of course, invented details here and there and added on description in order to make the narrative flow better. But the fact of the matter is that the only reason I am sitting here now writing this story is because my concept was practically forced upon my being using the will of the dream. Had that dream not happened, this entire concept would be entirely nil.

I do indeed have my thoughts on why my brain might have chosen these two characters in particular. I have a soft spot for Tread Head, if only for how underappreciated he is in the Skylander community. Wham-Shell, though he was never on my list of favorites, not by a long shot, was still held in somewhat high regard if only because he is indeed a part of a character group so near and dear to my heart, that of course being the Skylanders as a whole. I am unfortunately not able to make any discernible connection between the two of them other than that they are of the same fighting group. That being said, if you are one of those readers that almost immediately looks up a character’s design upon the author not providing significant description right away, then congratulations. You might have already figured it out.

Yes, it is indeed my belief that the only reason my brain chose these two in particular to be put through what is going to happen to them next is that fact that their designs have but a few superficial differences, though only superficial, of course. A color palette of reds and browns upon the body, whilst possessing blue eyes, a body that is more circular in nature than most of the others, now, at last, there is an established connection.

I do intend to utilize this story to do quite more than just write down the contents of the dream, though that, of course, will be the first and foremost priority. Again that might have already been made clear to you since I was acting all serious in the beginning in my character of “Spiritfang” who’s basically a fursona at this point. Either way, I believe I have said my piece. You have, of course, come here in search of vore, and that is exactly what I intend to provide you all with. Thus, without further ado, please, sit back, relax, grab a snack, and enjoy this utterly bizarre experience I had in my sleep many many many moons ago.

****

“Oh, the year was seventeen seventy eight! How I wish I was in Sherbert nooooow!”

“You can call me Sbaguyos243, or Sbaguy for short. I’m sort of the same thing as Spiritfang but also not. Heh. Yeah, sorry, had a little too much to drink tonight.”

“Hey, how do you know that? Aren’t you like, an orphan or something like that? I don’t know…”

“Orphans. Orphans. Yes…hey Head, you familiar with the ancient Chinese General Sun Tzu?”

“...a letter of marque came from the king to the scummiest vessel I’ve ever seen! Goddamn them all! I was told we’d cruuuuise the seas for American gold! We’d fire no guns…shed no teeeeeeears! Now I’m a broken man on a Halifax piiiier, that last of Barett’s Privateers!”

“Ya just gotta, ya just…I don’t know…I dunno what I’m saying anymore! What am I even doing here, what is anyone doing here? I…ungh man let’s not go down that road again now shall we…..? I don’t wanna…yeah…not anymore at least…”

“What, who says I can’t write this stuff out of order? Yeah yeah I know what I said! This’ll get used later on! Yeah these exact phrases! This one included! An’ ol’ Tready’s just gonna be standin’ there all confused while I…okay okay fine. I didn’t know what else to write for freewrite friday. Just enjoy the vore-”

****

“Yeah, yeah it’s me. Listen. Do you have absolutely any idea at all why we might have ended up stranded in the middle of a desert?” Wham-Shell proceeded to ask his fellow Skylander, with a bit of hasty panic in his voice.

“...the desert? I-I’m sorry what?” Tread Head awkwardly replied as he attempted to survey the area. Sure enough, just as Wham-Shell had said, it was indeed a desert. The open, seemingly infinite fields of golden-orange sands did not lie. The sun appeared to be right above the two Skylanders’ heads, with not a single cloud to speak of tampering with its shine. And the only thing that could be seen aside from the blinding orange and blue was an old, worn-down fort of some kind secluded neatly behind the twos’ position, giving them but one single option of where to go if the option of retreat became necessary. It was…well…a desert. But that was just it. That was all they knew about where they were. No other hints. Zero. Nothing. Zip. Nada.

It was only then that Tread Head noticed that his iconic tread bike that gave him his name was indeed with him, too. So was Wham-Shell’s arguably more iconic mace that also gave him his name. This meant they could defend themselves if necessary, but indeed, the presence of their weapons only gave the confused Skylanders far more questions than answers.

“...Wham-Shell.” Tread Head eventually ended up saying. “I have just as much of a clue as you do as to what’s going on.”

Wham-Shell let out a sigh. “Well, I mean-”

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!”

“...forget I said anything at all…”

It was only in that moment that the two of them finally had some sort of clue as to what was going on. And yet, they wished they didn’t.

“Lord…if I had to count the amount of times I’ve had to deal with that laugh…” Wham-Shell grumbled to himself through clenched teeth. “The academy would probably have to build another library!”

A sudden puff of black smoke was blown into the man’s face before the deep, roaring noises began.

“Nevermind about that right now, Wham-Shell, we’ve gotta get to that fort, fast!” Tread Head piped up as he started up his tread bike. “Get on!”

As he understood implicitly that, indeed, getting to the fort was currently their only option, Wham-Shell didn’t protest, swiftly getting himself situated onto the bike, holding his mace sideways in his hands as he sat, before a huge cloud of sand and dust was instantaneously kicked up around the duo of Skylanders, causing the poor crustacean to choke a little, until at last the tread bike gave a screech whilst it peeled out away from the thing, roaring viciously as it grinded across the fine, desert grounds.

Wham-Shell wasn’t really sure how many seconds, exactly, had passed until they were at the fort, (he could have sworn it should logically have been many more than he thought he experienced), but regardless, once the tread bike screeched to a halt in front of the thing, he swiftly clammored off. Though, since he had to maneuver his mace so that it didn’t accidentally hook onto the bike as he dismounted, and the fact that the little tech Skylander naturally had more experience quickly getting off the thing, Tread Head was up and at the small, wooden door of the fort far before Wham-Shell.

Grasping ahold of the handle (the door was scaled so that the handle could be reached by him in spite of his height for whatever reason), he attempted to fling the thing open in an instant, only to find, instead, that the door was locked. Tread Head was just about ready to call out this information to his current partner, until, completely unbeknownst to him, the booming crash that was something heavy hitting the door graced his ears. Backing away from the scene in order to take it in, discovering as such that Wham-Shell had indeed made use of his mace to break down the door, Tread Head therefore didn’t have the need in the end to say anything at all.

Swiftly getting back on his bike, for he knew that a battle at this point was pretty much inevitable, plus dragging the thing in by hand was rather inconvenient, Tread Head was thus into the fort and up the first set of stairs he took note of along with Wham-Shell in nothing short of a flash. Again, the tech Skylander had absolutely no clue how he had gone from the door to the roof in just about five seconds, but right now, that barely mattered. All that mattered was pinpointing the source of that iconic evil laugh, so that the two Skylanders would be able to track the midget villain down-

“Boo.”

Once again, neither Skylander at hand knew any minute sliver about the whos, whats, wheres, whens, whys, or hows of the current circumstances, and yet, once again, they knew deep down that it barely even mattered anymore.

The decidedly NOT midget form that was the one taken by the man at the ending boss fight of Swap Force, a form only known as Super Evil Kaos, stood right there with a rather smug grin on his face, his arms casually folded over the edge of the fort, as both of the two, comparatively miniscule Skylanders merely stood there in shock.

Neither Wham-Shell nor Tread Head were really expecting anything in the way of an explanation, and seemingly, Super Evil Kaos recognized this. As all the crystalline, purple giant gave to the now less shocked and battle ready Skylanders below, was a simple act that apparently, via Netflix subtitles, I learned is formally referred to as “blowing a raspberry”, before the fight began.

“Super Evil Kaos.” the announcer boomed from…somewhere around the area, as Wham-Shell leaned into the ear of his fellow bike-riding Skylander, in order to give him some tips.

“I’ve fought this form of Kaos before. First, he’s going to slam down his feet in front of us and create shockwaves. We’ll have to destroy the crystals on his toenails. Then-”

“I’m fucking sorry, did you just say HIS FEET?” Tread Head, in a decidedly uncharacteristic fashion, swore back to his teammate.

Wham-Shell couldn’t help but grow a little embarrassed. “Err…well…yes, you see…he…”

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SORRY SKY-LOSERS, NO TWENTY MINUTE LONG VIDEO FEATURING MY FEET FOR YOU THIS TIME!”

Neither Skylander was in any sort of position nor mental state to be able to respond.

“*Tsc* Just…just prepare to fight him, okay?” Wham-Shell finally concluded with a sigh whilst readying his mace for a strike.

Tread Head…would…have opened his mouth to respond. Would. If only the ground beneath them didn’t vigorously rock in many furious vibrations as both Skylanders were swiftly knocked to the floor.

“WHAT IN THE-” one of them called, as yet another shockwave forced them to stay down whilst the foundations upon the fort rapidly began to fail.

Once again, although the length of time that was expected to happen between the event and its consequences was much, much longer than the amount of time said consequences actually took, the end result, just as always, ensured it barely mattered.

Buried deep underneath a heap of bricks and rubble, both Skylanders lay unconscious, prompting Super Evil Kaos to give a bit of a victory pump, before he began to patiently wait for the next unspecified “thing” to begin.

****

“...well we turned nine times around, AND THE POOR OLD DOG WAS DROWNED……..NOW WE’RE THE LAST OF THE IRISH ROOOOOOOOVERS!”

“Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh- what? How else am I supposed to transcribe me attempting to sing the violin solo into words? What do you want me to say? A flat to g sharp to…wait, that's the same thing. AH WHATEVER!”

“I’m not using a single ounce of brain cells writing this…I’m just…HEY LOOK, AN OCTOPUS!”

“Why do I feel drunk…can coffee make you drunk…what the…okay surely that’s not…coffee’s a stimulant, right? Uh-”

“Hehehe…‘unspecified thing’...makes it sound like…like uh…like I’m talking about…uh…something to do with a shlong, yaknow? I don’t know anymore…”

“Ah, Shimmerscale my beloved. You were really just an excuse to make cats like Inky now, weren't you? ‘Cause obviously Whitefeather would never do stuff like that. She’s…y’know…actually responsible. Bleugh I gotta get this out of arial font…why is google docs talking about watermarks? What the…why did that summer music stuff start blasting in the middle of writing time…I’m…I’m trying to stick to the prompt I swear. The prompt was shimmer. So I was talking about Shimmerscale from my old Warrior cats…YEAH I KNOW I KNOW! I KNOW YOU DON’T CARE! BUT I MEAN-er…I gotta write something…why have I not changed fonts yet…god I have to…I have to stop…like, right now…okay finally…times new roman is so much better, I swear. Just gotta add quotation marks and an indentation for pizzaz, and…boom! Ready to copy paste!”

“...is that how you spell that word…I don't…okay time’s over whatever it’s not…yeah.”

“I shared all this in clase lmao.”

“No…this entire section…not the whole…OF COURSE I DIDN’T SHARE THE WHOLE FUCKING THING, I-”

****

Now, taking another moment to interject, while I don’t really think I necessarily need to tell you this, I do believe it is rather self-evident that this story is being written in a much…different…way than my other writing projects. It is constantly switching between perspectives with unique voices that have no connection to each other, the pacing will gloss over important details in one area and then hyperfix on insignificant ones, there is barely any time between actions, just the actions themselves, and so on.

Of course, while, again, I don’t really think I need to tell you this, all these things are the case simply because, well, all of those are indeed attributes that are quite readily seen in dreams. Why would I feel it necessary to bring this up directly instead of simply letting people figure it out on their own? Because let's be completely honest here. Nobody is going to bother to read these sections. They’re going to skip down to the next section from this one, and will never even consider the rest of the story at all.

Thus, on the odd chance someone DOES read the rest of the story, I really want to make it clear that all of those features, if created independent of intentionality, would, indeed, as many of you are probably already thinking, be indicative of amature writing. Taken in the context of intentionality though, the deeper goals and intentions of the author can be sifted out.

What I’m effectively trying to say, then, is that when I went into writing this, it eventually developed as my intention, that this story should be one gigantic shitpost with vore sandwiched between it. And just about six pages later, after countless false promises and tangents leading to nowhere, here it is. At long last, my dear reader, it gives me great pleasure to impart upon you, the plain and simple words that are:

[VORE SECTION STARTS HERE]

Tread Head gave many consecutive sputters and wheezes in an attempt to void all the dust from his lungs, before at last he felt himself able to breathe properly once more. Letting out a pained grunt as he slowly dragged himself off the floor, the little, bike riding tech Skylander wasn’t exactly sure what to expect upon groggily flickering open his eyes. Subconsciously, he was holding the expectation that Wham-Shell, the decidedly more experienced one between them, had managed to wake up first. That was why, precisely, it came as such a shock to the poor man when he inevitably realized that, in reality, the opposite of that was true.

“WHAM-SHELL!” he searingly screeched out, making a B-line over to the unconscious crustacean’s form.

Tread Head had indeed learned from his training as a Skylander how to check someone’s pulse, however due to Wham-Shell’s exoskeleton, this was almost instantly ruled out as a possibility of making sure he was okay.

“Oh by the love of Master Eon, THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!”

“Pray to your precious Master Eon all you want, you literal bean with legs…” a voice suddenly piped up, forcing the tech Skylander to freeze up all his movements. “...none of that will do anything to save you from your fate by my hands…”

Tread Head could practically feel the shivers as they sequentially rattled down his spine.

“Since when in the heck did Kaos actually learn to be intimidating?” he silently questioned to himself.

“...or, perhaps more accurately….” Super Evil Kaos towering above the poor man only continued on. “...my stomach.” he at last concluded with a crystalline grin and a swift pat over his midsection.

You could practically hear the one final ounce of composure that Tread Head had left inside of him crackling apart into particles just as fine as the sands beneath him as he practically leaped forth amongst the rubble.

“WHERE’S MY BIKE WHERE’S MY BIKE WHERE’S MY BIKE?” he frantically yet frivolously repeated to himself ad nauseum whilst he fiercely dug through the rubble.

“Oh…so that’s what you’re all riled up about right now, hmm?” Super Evil Kaos sneered in absolutely nothing but preemptive joy down at the struggling Skylander below. “Yes…your bike and ol’ Whammy’s mace is indeed the only chance you two have of making it out of here alive!”

Tread Head was barely even able to hear what the gigantic purple monster thundering above him was saying, nor did he really have it anywhere in him to care. His current state of fixation on attempting to find the weapons was just far too important to get distracted from at the moment. Rather unfortunately for the poor little tech Skylander, however, per Super Evil Kaos’ creepily increasing grin, that there mental state was not exactly destined to last for much longer.

“...oh, yes, yes! Where oh where in the world could those precious little objects be, hmmm?” Super Evil Kaos chortled heartily whilst Tread Head continued scrambling around down at the rubble. “Maybe, perhaps, HERE?”

It was only at that point in time, after the passing of many, many others, did Tread Head finally look up. And, upon at last doing so, once more froze on the spot.

“Wha-I…how did you-” was all he could muster to sputter out.

Super Evil Kaos silently swung in a slight, teasing manner, the two Skyladners’ weapons, right there above their tiny little heads.

“Heh. You want a chance to be able to defend yourself and your snoozing sleepyhead buddy over there, eh?” Super Evil Kaos chuckled out. “WELL TOO BAD FOR YOU! Aaaaaaaaaa…”

Swiftly unhinging his jaws from their current position of being locked in an evil grin, Super Evil Kaos’ slimy, dark purple tongue leisurely extended outward from the warm, sticky chamber that was his depthened maw, now prompt and at the ready to accept the two weapons upon its wide, squishy surface.

Before poor Tread Head even had the chance to say anything, Super Evil Kaos let go, and both his bike and Wham-Shell’s mace consequently splat down onto the great, thickened muscle, right before the thing popped itself back into resting position, deep within the maw. Super Evil Kaos maneuvered the objects around towards the entrance of his throat for a while, before at last, he teasingly tilted his head back, and, passing a glance down at Tread Head, swallowed.

Able as a result to view plain as day the, due to the head’s tilt, somewhat accentuated bulge that the weapons made in the giant man’s throat, Tread Head instinctually jostled with a shudder, for he knew with a near-certain confidence, that both he and the still unconscious Wham-Shell were all but destined to be next.

Super Evil Kaos promptly followed up this display with a smirk whilst admiring his victim’s terror, before a sudden echoing gurgle could be heard coming from his middle, seemingly due to the two weapons’ arrival. Rather than react with embarrassment from the suddenty of the action, however, he instead decided to give his stomach a couple of light pats, before cruelly throwing upon the poor tech Skylander below him a good, searing glare.

“...It’s almost as if it's just begging me for more…” Super Evil Kaos added onto the moment whilst he began to reach down, giving a saliva-soaked lick across his chops.

As it had been all but solidified within the poor man’s mind what his fate was to be at this point, Tread Head was not even able to resist as Super Evil Kaos’ gigantic, incoming hand confidently swooped in and snatched him all the way up, coming down with his other hand in order to get Wham-Shell but a few seconds later.

Tread Head’s breath, though it had already been rather short and ragged up until this moment, began in an unexpectedly erratic manner to grow into that of a rather strained pant, as he was at last placed face-to-face with the monstrous portal master who was destined to consume him whole.

Super Evil Kaos simply took a few moments to merely revel in the circumstances, before at last, it became time for the main show to commence.

First, the humongous evilized man moved his miniscule prey downwards, before he slowly squished the man into the thin layer of his body that lay in between the outside world, and his gurgling stomach within. Tread Head knew for a fact that pretty soon, he and Wham-shell were indeed going to breach this barrier. At this point, it was only a matter of time.

Sensing that he had indeed shut down his still conscious prey’s being down to a degree where gulping him down wouldn’t be a significant issue, Super Evil Kaos at last felt satisfied. Bringing the tech Skylander back up to his face as such, the grotesque, crystalline portal master proceeded to say nothing, as he once again stuck out the tip of his tongue from between his lips, made a little fart sound with it, and then extended it just a little so he may give poor Tread Head a preparatory lick across his body.

Sputtering and coughing just a little as he did what little he could to try and shake all the saliva from his form, Tread Head was soon enough graced full force with the reality that, it didn’t matter how hard he shook, he was still going to end up positively smothered in the stuff when all was said and done.

This, of course, was only the case, simply because it was finally time, in the mind of Super Evil Kaos, to fully unveil his maw.

The slick, cavernous, dark purple depths the poor little tech Skylander viewed before him constantly heaved upon him front after front of damp, heated air, thus reminding him once more of how slimy he was going to get.

Super Evil Kaos knew very, very well just how paralyzed his singular conscious prey was for the moment being. His body positively flooding with joy knowing he quite literally possessed a life in his hands, a pleased shiver to casually tingled its way down the center of the evil man’s spine, before at last, upon a long, long wait of practically uncountable moments, Super Evil Kaos backed the poor Skylander, as well as his unconscious ally, a little ways away from his maw, before, in nothing but a quick flinging motion and a simultaneous release of grip, both of them were quite literally flung all the way inside the maw, one slightly after the other, Tread Head naturally coming in first as, right behind the arrival of his poor crustaceous friend, Super Evil Kaos’ jaws came began to come crashing down around them. Snapping firmly shut with a bit of a reverberating Echo, now at last, for all intents and purposes, it was all over. There was absolutely zero method that either Skylander still had available to them that would allow them to successfully escape. Now, it was all up to Kaos.

Super Evil Kaos gently lifted up his tongue. Raising the hot, cushiony muscle almost to the roof of his maw, Tread Head was thus forced to lie down on it in order to not scrape his head against the rough ridges up there. Folding the downwards sloping portion of his tongue upwards, thus curling back the entire muscle towards his gullet whilst wrapping up the tech Skylander and his unconscious water elemental friend, Super Evil Kaos slowly squished the heavy layers of force that was the longingly salivating tongue upon his victims’ beings, holding their bodies downwards as he sensually swished the folded muscle between his cheeks.

A little bit of rouge drool trailed down the man’s chin as he continued on with this motion, the squishy, flexible tip of the tongue dragging itself back and forth across the unresisting Skyladnders’ bodies, swirling itself around within their flavors. Naturally, being a crab, Wham-Shell tasted like fresh, out-of-the-ocean seafood, his rough, hardened exoskeleton positively glistening from just how many times Super Evil Kaos had dragged the tip of his tongue around its surface.

Tread Head on the other hand, was, in fact, someone who’s attack style left him regularly covered in dust, muck, and other kinds of filth, and yet, seemingly by some unspoken miracle, he instead emulated the rather peculiar flavor of…out of every conceivable food in the world…cheesecake. Super Evil Kaos had absolutely no idea why this was the case, but nonetheless, it barely even mattered at this point.

Of course, cheesecake and seafood didn’t exactly go together very well, so Super Evil Kaos simply ended up taking many many minutes of his own precious time in thoroughly examining each Skylander individually, knowing quite well that neither had it anywhere within them to be able to resist.

After having taken all the necessary time in order to enjoy his food, however, Super Evil Kaos at last knew it was time to escort them on down to his stomach, and as a result, carefully returned his tongue back to its resting position.

Lifting up his tongue once more, though this time, sloping the back portion of the muscle downwards, Wham-Shell and Tread Head were thus forced to slide down the slippery, wet surface, whilst the as of yet unnoted plump, dangling uvula began gently swaying above their heads.

Now, having come from a small, relatively secluded village in the dizzying dunes, Tread Head wasn’t exactly an expert, per say, on anatomical structures, much less any of their functions. However, upon taking note of the floppy, wide sack of dark purple flesh leisurely hanging above him, something…strange…started happening within his mind. Of course, Tread Head couldn’t exactly tell you why, exactly, his brain suddenly perked right back up into survival mode after probably more than five minutes of being shut down, but regardless, the result was all the same. Super Evil Kaos was expecting to feel the two round-ish bodies of the ultimately doomed Skylanders fitting cleanly into his upper esophageal sphincter, finally at the ready for the swallow. Instead, however, what the evilized portal master got, was a sudden lurch forwards as was dictated by his subconscious, whilst he fiercely suppressed a gag.

Firmly grasping onto one of Wham-Shell’s claws with one hand, and wrapping the other all the way around the uvula, Tread Head hung silently, the only noise escaping from his throat consisting of his rather erratic gasping, therefore locking him out of the ability to speak, whilst his body subsequently hyper fixated in on but the single most intense game of keping grip the little tech Skylander had ever experienced in all of his years of fighting. He had never ever been more thankful in his life that he wore gloves.

Super Evil Kaos, able to feel in great detail each and every minute swing that the dangling appendage took as his only conscious prey desperately clung on, viciously gnashed his teeth as he allowed a low growl to escape up from his throat. The furious cry of rage boomed itself around the enclosed space of the maw as Tread Head risked a glance downwards. He was able to take a glimpse as such into the giant portal master’s throat, which was also dark purple in color, praying relentlessly that someway, somehow ANYHOW, he and Wham-Shell were to make it out of his situation alive.

Swallowing hard in order to try and get the little tech Skylander to let go of his uvula, Super Evil Kaos could feel the appendage stretching downwards as his tiny prey only continued to maintain his grasp. Swallowing once again, Super Evil Kaos could feel the rather strained sack of flesh stretching out as Tread Head’s arm consequently slid downwards, locking itself around the rounded bit at the bottom, as poor, poor Wham-Shell was mere centimeters away from reaching the gullet, causing his currently conscious partner to start positively hyperventilating as he began losing his hold on both his fellow Skylander and the uvula.

Super Evil Kaos could feel the crab’s claw gently scraping the muscles around his gullet, thus telling him that he was only one more gulp away from the ultimate, certain victory that he so viciously craved.

Placing a couple of fingers against his throat as he prepared himself to swallow once again, Super Evil Kaos’s epiglottis covered the entrance to his windpipe as, at last, his uvula was flung all the way back up into its natural position, and a great, squishy bulge proceeded to form itself in his throat. Swiftly swallowing one final time just to ensure that both of his prey were, indeed, trapped helplessly inside of his esophagus, Super Evil Kaos was swiftly able to confirm that the two Skylanders were there, not the least of which was because of Tread Head’s incessant, yet in the end futile resistance that was him shoving and punching against the squelching walls of the throat.

The poor man on the inside, now that he had lost his grip on the uvula, was rapidly losing his grip on reality, and vainly struggled against the constant downward pulses around him as a result whilst the slight weight of Super Evil Kaos’ fingers pushed down onto him from the outside. The sleek, tight muscle walls shoved in and out in an almost rhythmic pattern as, at last, he was able to pick up the faint pounding emulating from within Kaos’ heart.

Now that both of his prey had disappeared behind his collarbone, Super Evil Kaos proceeded to heave forth one gigantic sigh, before taking a second to glance down at the pile of rubble beneath him. Eventually deciding to heap together a pile that he could lay his back against, the humongous purple villain proceeded to do just that, casually ploping himself down against the grainy, desert floor once he was done, whilst placing a hand against his midsection.

Cris-crossing his legs over each other and setting them against the sands whilst his currently uncovered feet lay open and free against the scorching desert atmosphere, Super Evil Kaos couldn’t help but start back up a searing, victorious bout of his iconic evil laughter.

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

He positively howled out into the dunes as the maniacally echoing screeches of his own final victoriousness were positively overshadowed back on the inside with the melodic backup of rumbling gurgles and growls that told Tread Head he was finally reaching the end.

In spite of his efforts to cling himself onto the muscle rim around the lower esophageal sphincter as said structure effortlessly squeezed him out into the awaiting chamber below, Tread Head was indeed able to pick up the inevitable splash that sloshed all around his being as he finally landed in the stomach.

The poor little Tech Skylander had lost so much of his sanity at this point that he was barely even able to recognize the shifting, dark purple walls casually squeezing in around him as the gastric acids around him began to sizzle at his clothes.

Super Evil Kaos on the outside was able to feel the organ churning and glorping around as he hazily pat over his guts in his current state of euphoria. Rubbing his hand all the way around the sloshy section of his body, he could tell that the stomach walls were just about right up to his prey at this point, leaving him able as such to feel the relentless resistance of mainly squirming and shoving that Tread Head was exuding upon him.

The poor Tech Skylander on the inside was only able to make out a few things around him by this stage. The still unconscious body of Wham-Shell, the bubbling acid pool, the thick, goopy walls squeezing in closer around him, Wham-Shell’s mace, and-wait a second…the mace? Tread Head’s eyes immediately diverted downwards, almost immediately causing him to suddenly remember the rather important detail that their weapons were, in fact, down here, too. Suddenly feeling just a fleeting flicker of what could barely be described as hope sparking itself in his chest, the tiny man on the inside was just about to reach forwards and grab hold of the mace, before all of a sudden, seemingly completely out of the blue, the lower esophageal sphincter opened itself back up, snatching ahold of poor Tread Head’s attention for just long enough to deny him escape once more, as a considerable front of air suddenly breezed past.

Super Evil Kaos on the outside was indeed able to feel the objects rising back up in his throat, a feeling which ultimately culminated in a deep, echoing belch which positively chimed its booming melody out across the sky. As the objects had landed right next to his right thigh, Super Evil Kaos was able to casually reach over and grasp onto the mace, placing one hand behind his head before he made use of the thing in order to cheekily pick at his teeth. Eventually just flinging the thing off to the side, Super Evil Kaos now knew for certain that there was absolutely nothing that poor little Tread Head could do in order to save his and Wham-Shell’s lives. As a result, he once again decided to break the formerly held silence by snorting an exceedingly teasing:

“HEH, YOU SKY-LOSERS ARE A REAL PAIN TO DIGEST!” out at the quivering Tread Head within, whilst giving a couple pokes at his belly. Proceeding to just place both hands behind his back and allow his stomach to do the rest, Super Evil Kaos was, at this point, excessively well prepared to just sit back, relax, and enjoy the results of his victory.

However, as was the reason he wasn’t able to feel Tread Head struggling against his stomach walls anymore, not as though that detail currently mattered to him, deep down within the dark, cavernous mind inside of the dark purple, cavernous guts inside of the equally dark purple man who had swallowed him whole, the poor little tech Skylander that was only known as Tread Head, had finally reached an epiphany. He did not know how to fight without his bike, nor did he have access to Wham-Shell’s mace. He bore no claws, spikes, or any other biological weaponry that could allow him to escape. He was not physically strong enough to be able to punch his way out. It was true. Tread Head was, indeed, completely and utterly lacking on every single one of those listed fronts, and yet, in direct spite of all that, he still knew, as a simple matter of fact, that he still had one option left.

At first, Super Evil Kaos was only able to feel a slight pain inside of his guts, causing him to swiftly sit up. Before the confused, crystalline portal master could even muster out an “Eh?”, however, seemingly instantaneously, he had vomited all the way up, straight onto the now darkly stained desert grounds, a deathly amount of blood.

Tread Head viciously sank his teeth all the way into the walls of the stomach. He knew quite well that they were, indeed, not specialized to be able to cut and tear through flesh, and yet, despite that fact, they still completed the job just as well. Savagely tearing off yet another chunk of flesh, even more blood proceeded to gush its way into the wound as the chamber painfully growled.

Super Evil Kaos had fallen over onto his front at this point, flailing around in agony and clutching his stomach in positively tormenting pain. Tread Head was completely unable to make out any of the poor portal master’s screams, however, as both the world around his being and the world inside his brain swiftly faded to black as the color drained from his eyes. Subsequently crashing down right next to his fellow, highly respected Skylander Wham-Shell, Super Evil Kaos’ stomach contracted once more, and, riding along with the blood, both unconscious Skylanders were finally set free.

****

“Weeeeeeee’re makin’ money with this sound! Rattlin’ winches, oh! Soon we’ll all be homeward bound! Rattlin’ winches, oh! Rattle ‘em down and stomp and go! Rattlin’ winches, oh! Hey! Rattle ‘em down and stomp and go….rattlin’ winches- oh hey there, Tread Head.”

Truth be told, Tread Head had absolutely no idea where he expected to end up. He, of course, had absolutely no idea how he had even gotten into that desert area back there in the first place, given that he had been given basically zero context clues by said previous desert situation, and as a result, the new situation he found himself in upon re-opening his eyes was neither confusing nor…whatever the best antonym for confusing would be in this context. Thus, as the poor tech Skylander had pretty much zero incentive to speak up for the moment, silent he would ultimately remain.

“...so, how was your experience with big ol’ S.E.K. back there? Me myself, I mean…well I’m pretty sure you can figure out judging by the fact I’m chillin’ in one right now, I kinda like being inside tummies, so…”

The speaker in question was that of a relatively small four-legged wolf, possessing-

“Ey, hold up there, narrator buddy! …who is also technically me…I’m pretty fuckin’ sure I can speak for myself down here!”

*sigh*......fine. Just don’t go overboard on length, will you? This story is already pretty big.

“Heh! Not as big as deez nuts!”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“ANYWAY! Hi, hello, and welcome to the deep dark, blackened…er…that’s the color black…personal room of yours truly, someone known by many names but this form here was originally named ‘sbaguyos243’, so you can just call me ‘sbaguy’. I know it says Juno on my blog name and all but uh…well …And I know this might be a bit of an awkward time to bring it up considerin’ what the ol’ stargirl made for me yesterday, but I’m like, pretty sure I’m actually a trans man, so imma be upgradin’ my little character description here an’ all that. Yeah I know I gotta change my status ‘n all, but…yeah one thing at a time! So yeah uh…it’s…uh, I wanna try he/they now. And uh, gonna be chagrin’ my blog name too ‘cause I’ve started going by Benjamin now. ”

Sbaguy took a bit of a pause in order to flip open the lid to a coffee mug that was casually grasped in a paw, before taking a huge swig, letting out a pleasured sigh, and whipping the coffee drip from his muzzle.

“But yeah…uh…description! Again, I…probably should’ve told y’all earlier, but I mean…what’s done is done so uh…I got wings now!”

Sbaguy gave his light blue feathered wings a flap.

“Yes, yes, thank you. And also, like, I’m kinda like, a god in my universe and all that shit, so…halo!”

A light pink halo shone brilliantly above Sbaguy’s head.

“And uh, I got light blue eyes too, so uh…OH RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT, YEAH! SORRY, I WAS-”

It was finally at this point that Tread Head had recovered enough to where he had begun patiently waiting for Sbaguy to stop talking so he may finally address his presence.

“Alright, buddy, so uh, yeah I’m sure you must be havin’ a lot of questions right now and all that…” he began to state whilst opening back up their coffee mug.

“Uh, YA THINK?” the little tech Skylander snapped back in response.

“So yeah uh…first of all, you’re alive. So is Wham-Shell. You’re all good ‘n all that so…”

“Oh…thank Master Eon…”

“Master Eon? Nah man I’m pretty sure Master Eon don’t got reality manipulation powers on my level, y’know?”

Tread Head was silent in an instant, as he slowly shifted his gaze towards Sbaguy.

“Oh, uh, I said a little too much there didn’t I? Heh…well…um…yes, yes! So I am indeed technically a god, and that means god powers, so uh, you and ol’ Whammy were sleeping, and I…*snort*...kinda wanted to have some fun!”

Still only silence.

“OK OK OK OK FINE! So yes, it was a dream, you weren’t like, actually gonna die and shit, ‘cause…I was watching, y’know-”

“...let me get this straight. You placed both me and Wham-Shell in a potentially TRAUMATIZING SITUATION, LEAVING ME AT THE BRINK OF LOSING MY OWN GODDAM SANITY, BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO HAVE “””””””””””””””””””””SOME FUN?”””””””””””””””””””””

“Oh…oh geez…seems like you’d be a nice recruit for Iceblood if you existed back in my universe…”

“NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH! YOU DON’T GET TO JUST BRUSH OFF THE QUESTION LIKE THAT! YOU WERE IN CONTROL THE WHOLE TIME, YOU SET UP A FAKE SCENARIO WITH A FAKE SUPER EVIL KAOS AND PUT BOTH OF US IN A HORRIFIC SITUATION JUST FOR YOUR OWN AMUSEMENT? YOU SAID AS SUCH YOURSELF! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?”

Tread Head only continued to fume out whilst getting mere inches away from Sbaguy’s form.

“You better watch yourself there, Treaddy. This section ‘aint gettin’ proofread. Also, uh, nah that was the real Kaos. He was under my control as well. Nah don’t worry don’t worry, he’s fine but uh, if you’ll excuse me for a moment, I kinda gotta follow up on a promise I made back in-”

“...so then who else is under your control here, huh?”

“Oh, the year was seventeen seventy eight! How I wish I was in Sherbert nooooow!”

“You can call me Sbaguyos243, or Sbaguy for short. I’m sort of the same thing as Spiritfang but also not. Heh. Yeah, sorry, had a little too much to drink tonight.”

“Hey, how do you know that? Aren’t you like, an orphan or something like that? I don’t know…”

“Orphans. Orphans. Yes…hey Head, you familiar with the ancient Chinese General Sun Tzu?”

“STOP USING ALL YOUR IRRELEVANT CRYPTIC MESSAGING AND ANSWER THE GODDAMN QUESTION!”

“...okay! Jeez! Fine! Uh…what was the question again?”

“Who else are you controlling right now?”

“Eh?”

“Last time I checked, stomach acid is supposed to sear through people’s flesh and kill them, so what’s the deal with this stuff here? Who’s stomach are we inside now, “Sbaguy”?”

“OH! OH, YEAH, I GET IT NOW! YEAH! Uh…that would be a spoiler.”

Tread Head’s eye proceeded to involuntarily twitch.

“...and…a spoiler for what, exactly?”

Sbaguy proceeded to chug down yet another bout of coffee.

“Well it's not a spoiler YOU’D be bothered with, but I’m sure some of my followers have already started to piece everything together.”

“...*sigh*...I really don’t know just how much more I can take of this…”

“Yeah so how many characters have I written who have black internals, and out of those, which ones have important enough stories to be deemed worthy of a spoiler warning?”

“...look. Sbaguy, right, I get that kind of the entire point of the Skylanders series is shattering the fourth wall, but…if the only reason you brought me here was just to act as the “voice of reason” in contrast to your lunacy for all of your literary purposes…then just…please…listen to my advice just. Once.”

“Calmed down a bit, huh? Probably figured out by now arguin’ with a god is just gonna get you into more trouble than it's worth.”

“Just. Listen. To. Me. Once.”

“Okay okay fine! I’m listening!”

Tread Head proceeded to let in and out a humongous deep breath before at last speaking.

“You are a terrible person.”

Upon these simple words, Sbaguy was only able to instantly light up in a spontaneous bout of borderline choking laughter. Tread Head was a little unsure as to what in the name of Master Eon was going on at this point, until, of course, Sbaguy forced up a sentence.

“I ALREADY KNOW THAT’S TRUE, GENIUS!” they practically yowled out into space whilst bearing a jittering gaze of insanity upon the whole of their face. “I KNOW!”

The only thing that Tread Head was able to do in the moment was let down his formerly serious demeanor as he began to let out a sigh.

“I KNOW!”

#vore writing #vore stories #vore story #soft vore #safe vore #male pred #male vore #male predador #male prey #m/m vore #g/t vore #gt vore #human pred #v0re #vor3 #v0r3 #v.ore #not bothering thinking of more tags to add since again this is just a shitpost #Old now marked mature

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obutsuwrites · 4 years

Text

work friends (miruko x reader, part 1)

summary: Suddenly, her blood felt too hot and steamy. Like lava that devoured roads. She wanted to pinch the woman’s cheeks. The thought caused a light red cloud to drift across the hero’s face. A brush felt foreign on her face. Usagiyama’s cheeks burned; hot blood that scorched her veins.

xxx

basically based off of a prompt i found on tumblr, "we're not friends and you fucking know it." (you'll eventually find out why, am big horny 4 this stupid bunny!!)

word count: 1731

my ao3 for more shitposts

my inbox is open 4 requests~!

The young reporter shifted in her seat, nerves electric and on fire. Being in the same room as pro heroes was -- until now -- a foreign concept to her. This was the chance of a lifetime, the young woman thought as bored fingers drummed against her thighs. Fidgeting somewhat controlled her anxiety. The ball of static within her stomach now coiled, like hunger pains.

She released a shaky breath, face stoic and serious. Breath hot and impatient. The young woman considered her servere expression a natural poker face; the perfect disguise for jitters. A strength that landed the reporter this. A press conference with top heroes. Ask the right questions and any reporter could become a star. Perhaps, with enough determination, she could start a publishing company! Maybe even rival the likes of Kizuki Chitose! The eager reporter’s mind swam with possibilities, determination in her eyes. Jaw tense.

≛

Usagiyama Rumi sighed. It was today, wasn’t it? The realization had snaked through early morning brain fog. Almost an afterthought. Today, an afterthought? Her chest rumbled as a throaty chuckle escaped. Yeah, as fuckin’ if.

Crimson eyes squinted as the afternoon sun streamed through mishandled blinds. Right. Should fix that eventually. She discarded the thought. The Rabbit Hero’s heart swelled with excitement. The tips of her fingers tingled; her passion tangible and airy. Usagiyama was pathetic towards the reporters. Answering their questions was a part of the entire gig, of course.

Instead the keen rabbit anticipated the cameras. The theatrics of it all. A press conference with cameras and answering questions with the fervor Usagiyama reserved for villains. Expressing herself for the world -- finally -- as number seven. Pro hero number seven; Rabbit Hero Miruko! She decided the title fit perfectly.

≛

Usagiyama bounced on the balls of her feet. She was never one for waiting. Yet here the keen rabbit was, waiting in a shitty white room with other top heroes. She scanned the room. Even Endeavor was here. This’ll be good, Usagiyama reasons. Pro hero Miruko, All Might, and Endeavor?

So much passion!

≛

A weary exhale was the only sound from the annoyed woman. She had arrived early for this, and yet, there was some sort of mistake. Technical difficulties, an assistant explained. Her voice too chipper and loud for a late afternoon.

“Can you believe this?” the reporter muttered, her words heavy and taunt. Like her nerves.

The press conference was slated for this morning, 10 a.m. on the dot. Early, but certainly not impossible for heroes or their lackeys. Annoyed, the huffy woman glanced at her watch. 1:30 p.m.

She giggled, the sound agitated and loud.

≛

That laugh. What asshole laughs like that? Usagiyama wondered. A manic sound that bothered the energetic hero. Too high pitched and noisy.

Pro hero Miruko strutted towards the stage; muscular hips swaying underneath her costume. The costume was revealing, but it served a purpose; maximum ability to kick villain ass. Usagiyama considered the risque nature a plus. Hard earned muscles deserved an audience.

Excited orbs darted around the large auditorium. Usagiyama puffed out her chest, as if the rabbit hero was a peacock.

Yeah, this is it. I’ve made it. Rabbit Hero: Miruko. The thought ignited a small fire within her heart. An organ that beat like a drum in her ears. Usagiyama continued to peer into the sea of reporters, passionate eyes landing on chubby cheeks. Suddenly, her blood felt too hot and steamy. Like lava that devoured roads. She wanted to pinch the woman’s cheeks. The thought caused a light red cloud to drift across the hero’s face. A brush felt foreign on her face. Usagiyama’s cheeks burned; hot blood that scorched her veins. The hero wondered what the reporter looked like beneath her. A sweaty, curvy mess. Flesh so soft and supple. A body made for holding.

Miruko swallowed, her throat dry and lumpy. She wanted to call out to the reporter, maybe flash a cocky smile and wink. Acts of flirtation she reserved for pickups from shady bars. Instead, crimson eyes watched the reporter, their intent almost carnivorous.

≛

A… a pro hero wasn’t staring at her, right? Miruko was known for intense crimson orbs, but the reporter felt them on her. Almost going through her. Two hot orbs that ate away at the woman’s insecurity. The reporter tugged at her skirt; material snug against plush thighs. The garment didn’t quite fit, but it was the only skirt she owned. Pant suits were too business for such a hyped event. She looked away, desperate to bend in. A part of her felt undeserving. Miruko was seven on the charts and she was simply a reporter. Not even a part of a big publication; she had to beg -- plead -- for this opportunity. And yet, the Rabbit Hero was burning holes into her.

≛

Due to the lack of her notoriety, no hero called on any question she had. At least, until it was Miruko’s turn. The rabbit’s maroon eyes gawked at her; expression sharp and determined. Her stare ignited warmth between the reporter’s thighs.

“You… you got questions, ya? Ask me!” Miruko beamed. Her voice boomed throughout the room, bouncing off the cement walls. Despite an athletic frame, the Rabbit Hero was dwarfed by All Might and Endeavor. She looked as small as the woman felt. Every muscle shrunk underneath Miruko’s gaze.

Please let a villain attack…

The thought was selfish, but every nerve felt numb. Her body fell asleep; jaw slack and resting taunt.

She stood up. Words struggled to become tangible. “Uh,” she began, “yeah. You always mention shining accomplishments. So… so many for someone your age. However, uh, do you have any everyday problems civilians don’t face?” Internally, she was screaming. Externally? A stoic expression. Jaw muscles set and contrasting round cheeks.

≛

Miruko laughed, the sound hearty and thunderous. The noise was a juxtaposition to her size. She stood 159 cm, a height that left the hero underestimated. Thought fodder for a toned body even Adonis would admire. She strived for perfection; large hips capable of powerful kicks. A carved v-line that led to strong calves. Miruko’s costume was efficient for her fighting style. The leotard left little skin undiscovered. Miruko knew this; she reveled in the stares.

But… but the chubby reporter gazed upon the floor. Her shoes seemed a more interesting subject than a pro hero.

“Normal q-tips hurt my ears.” Her tone was formal and blunt. Enthusiasm sucked dry from the rabbit’s being. Miruko appeared so vulnerable, expression soft and sincere. Thin lips pulled into a lazy grin.

≛

Pro hero Miruko only called upon her once. It was the one question she was able to ask. Every other hero ignored the reporter, unable to recognize her publication's logo. Even All Might, a man the woman admired. She wanted to run her fingers over his muscles and feel them contract underneath her. Hard earned tissue she wanted to worship.

And yet, Miruko swam like a haze through the woman’s mind. The rabbit occasionally popped into her mind as she prepared to leave. Despite being such a small business, the reporter spared no expense. The items were mostly drunken impulse buys that she needed for her trip; lavish ink pens she wouldn’t normally purchase. Paper that felt sturdy underneath her fingertips, little accents that she cherished. They would carry the memory of this event.

Even… even if All Might ignored me and Miruko looked at me… like that.

The reporter busied herself. She wanted to ignore the intoxicating, almost obnoxious thoughts of Miruko. Her very presence was suffocating. Too fierce and imposing. No wonder you’re number seven.

Too distracted, the woman didn’t notice the overbearing aura several paces behind.

≛

Miruko couldn’t help herself. She had never seen such pillowy thighs before. Thighs she wanted to smother in. The rabbit’s ears twitched as a shiver crawled through her nerves. She smiled, eager and predatory.

Quietly, she approached the curvy woman. Miruko wanted to be casual, and because of this, the Rabbit Hero donned a muted yellow tracksuit. Plush material that clung to toned muscles.

“You’re new, right? Your question was fun,” she began, “and I can’t resist a cutie.” Her tone was suggestive and light, but behind maroon orbs was a flaming desire.

“Okay… thanks.” Her reply was curt and proper, as if the pro hero was a nuisance. The reporter continued to pack her bags, refusing to acknowledge Miruko.

Thin lips pursed together in annoyance. So it’s like that.

Miruko regained her smile. “Give me your number. I’d do an interview for you.”

The reporter turned to face Miruko, hands delicate and shaky. Even behind her, the number seventh hero choked her. Her lungs ached, as if the rabbit sucked out all oxygen. An airless moment between the two.

“I have to decline. I -- I’m sorry, but I need to finish packing. Maybe --”

Before the sentence left her, calloused hands clasped around the woman’s trembling shoulders.

“I’ll make it worth your while,” Miruko suggested as fingers traced patterns in the reporter’s shoulders. “No gossip rag shit.”

Her hands… so warm. The slightest hue of rose painted her cheeks, as if the woman had pinched them.

An exclusive interview with the number seventh hero would launch her career… and yet, a bundle of nerves gathered in her stomach. Like snakes.

She swallowed, the woman’s mouth too dry to swallow the dread.

A laugh flew past her lips. Miruko noted it was the same laugh she heard before; the sound too obnoxious and high-pitched.

Red orbs observed as she spoke, “I -- I guess you can give me your number.” Miruko’s eyes pierced through her; a knife that buried itself into the woman’s very being. The woman wanted to go home and disappear. Anything… Anything to escape the hero’s intense stare.

≛

After exchanging numbers, the reporter was finally home. She kicked off worn heels and began to undress. Pajamas were comfort, and required. A smile crept across the woman’s lips; she almost craved the plush material against her skin. Her security blanket.

The woman was clothed in her precious sleepwear as she toyed with her phone. A desert still in her mouth.

Almost like the bitter aftertaste of that woman…

She laughed; the sound genuine and delicate. It was a privilege. Something so sacred, so personal. Sparks of joy were meant for friends and family.

#miruko x reader #Usagiyama Rumi x reader #wlw #bnha #chubby reader

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rocketcowboyblu · 4 years

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Hi! Hello it’s me again (PArdon me lmao)

Since I posted about the Lion king idea of presenting finn, Thought why not give an idea of the entire movie if yall wanna idk write it? Cause I cant write at all. Ignore the spelling and grammar errors Im trying my best. ANYWAY uh have fun reading this mess of an R.D? (Rough Draft)

Alright, its like 10 years or so after the prime invasion. The BFF Squad finished restoring magic to the universe and found out where Adora and Catra hail from, (Magicat hidden kingdom on ethiera, and adora on eternia etc.) Catra finds out shes magically pregnant and tells adora, adora is like “Holy shit were gonna be moms” SO like the dummy she is goes to glimmer and asks her permission to present her when the kit’s born. (cause its presumably from magicat culture idk u decide) Glimmer agrees and puts it on her to do lists cause yknow queen shit.

Months later, Finns Born. Swift wind like the annoying loyal steed he is, goes to inform the other princesses of the presentation. (Insert the Circle of life Music)

The princesses show up along with a bunch of other people cause It’s She-ra’s Heir/Kid. Anyway magicat queen comes and takes Finn and goes to present them (the balcony idk what part of brightmoon looks safe!?) presume the thrusting of them over a balcony.

Scorpia and Bow are holding each other crying over how cute finn is, Catra and adora are looking at finn feeling so proud and shit, Glimmer is just holding her head staring at these idiots wondering why she even let them live there.

ALRIGHT HERE COMES THE INSANITY.

Behind the scenes, Catra had been helping glimmer with advising and taking over the actual royal advisors job. The R.A aint happy that her job is being taken by a war criminal and fraternizing with Etheria’s Hero. SO With some rogue clones they build a plan to get rid of finn and catra.

FLASH FORWARD 7 TO 9 YEARS LATER.

Finn’s growing up and needs to learn the difference between play and work, the advisor tells finn that and suggests adora help them out. so Adora takes Finn out to the whispering woods to teach them about self defense and magic bonding with the planet.

DT strolls up cause their now Brightmoons babysitter (Much to their Utter Delight) and tells adora that theres some trouble in the LightZone (Frightzone) about clones. Finn wants to come but adora says no cause its dangerous, So DT offers to take finn cause they were gonna round up the Runestone kiddos for a playdate.

DT and Finn pick up the kids and they get into trouble. Finn has a whole inner monologue about cant wait to be a Hero or something to make adora let them come with em. Cue the Ditching of DT and the Runestone Kids find themselves lost in the whispering woods.

Rogue Clones find them and give chase with laser blasters. Catra finds DT tied up and explains the kids tricked DT and they hear laser fire. So they go and save the kids.

NOW catra’s a lil pissed and impressed cause Finn manged to trick DT but also left their sights. Catra gives a speech about how much trouble finns in but also quite impressed with their work and tells them that, they’ll show them how to really trick somebody (aka pranks)

Later that night the advisor and the rogue clones finally finish the plan to get rid of catra and finn.

A WEEK LATER. Spoiler alert its finn Bday (Oh god here comes the angst)

The R.A suggests a Royal family picnic. Glimmer, Micah, Bow, Glimbow kid, catra, adora, and finn go to the whispering woods cause theres a nice clearing the advisor has “Suggested.”

a mile or so away rogue clones had been herding up the wild beasts of the woods. (Yknow those hog creatures)

Catra and adora actually have a gift for finn but want it to be a suprise so they ask the advisor what to do, Advisor tells them that theyll take finn to a spot near the picnic and they can give them the gift there.

Advisor puts finn in a spot and then signals the clones.

The ground shakes, the trees start moving, BAM OUT comes running thousands of magic hogs. RUN

Finns on all fours running for their life, their panting and see a spot which they presume will keep them safe. It’s not safe at all.

Finn bolts into a canyon, and sees a high top rock that SURE LOOKS STABLE. They climb up it.

Back at the picnic advisor runs back to the crew, and tells them what happened, Catra goes haywire and starts bolting towards the canyon, Adora tells bow and glimmer to get help and grab the advisor and head towards finn.

Catra reaches the canyon first, she spots finn on the rock, Jumping down she goes running along in the herd til grabbing finn, Adora and the advisor are watching from the top, Catra is carrying finn and puts them on a platform of the canyon. Catra gets impaled by a running hogs horn, She goes down into the herd.

“CATRAAA!” Adora cries and jumps down into the herd as She-ra to save catra. Finn looks on in horror trying to spot adora and catra. Boom out jumps adora going up the slide, struggling to carry catras limp body.

Finn goes to climb their way out of the canyon.

Adora is holding catra tightly and is still climbing til she sees the Advisor looking down on them. “Here! Grab onto catra!” The advisor smiles sinisterly. “I’m Afraid I can’t do that adora..” Adora looks at them in confusion. “Goodbye my oldest enemy” The advisors eyes flash green. Adora’s eyes go wide. BAM a burst of magic hits adora causing her to fall with catra.

Finn screams in the distant.

The herd leaves. Its quiet. dust is still kicked up.

Finn looks at their parents bodies on the ground. Limp.

“M-mom’s?” They called out. Knees buckling they go to catra shaking her “Please you gotta get up...”

“What have you done...” The advisor voice tells them.

Finn looks them at in fear “I didn-” “Insolent child! Look at what have you done! You’ve robbed etheria of their greatest heros!” Finns ears fold back, tears flooding their face.

“Get out of here. If you ever show your face here again I’ll have the palace guards kill you” a bright ball of magic formed in the advisors hand.

Finn bolts. the advisor chuckles darkly, for it was only the beginning of a new era.

Bow and glimmer teleport to area. they spot their friends.

Glimmer shakes catra “Horde scum DONT YOU DARE-” Catra bolts up gasping and then groans in pain “well.. there goes one of my 9 lives.” catra looks around and sees adora. And now shes screaming at glimmer to heal her.

The advisor looks ready to run. Glimmer heals adora and adora stirs going “W-what happened?” catra fills her in (catra doesnt know about the advisor she was unconsious.) And they cant find finn. so now its depresso expresso time cause adora cant remeber what happened and where finn is.

LOL IHATE WRITING THIS ALREADY.

Alrighty alrighty. So finn gets lost in the crimson and find Lonnie and the horde kids. (they dont know its catra or adoras kid cause they burnt that bridge) they adopt em for protection and help with digging in the crimson waste mines for gems and whatever else. And finn dyes their hair blond and shaves it to hide their idenity in fear of the advisor.

8 or so years past. Finns like 17 and the horde kids r old LOL

Scorfumas kid stumbles upon finn and they go into conversation about what the hell happened. Finn tells em about how they killed their parents and how they werent allowed near brightmoon cause the advisor would kill them. Scorfumas kid then has to explain that the advisor was now running brightmoon into the ground using their grief to an advantage. Btw kyles singing can u feel the love cause he do be misintruptioning shit. fuckin kyle XD (Lonnie is gonna kill this fool)

LATER FINN LOOKS AT THE WOODS AND OUT COMES YA GURL RAZZLE DAZZLE! Madam razz goes into her time loops and yknow the deal, she goes “Catra is that you dearie?” Finns like “YOU KNOW MY MOM?!” anyway razz leads them to the abandoned fort of grayskull yack yack yeack. Razz tells them that evil comes from power, not from heart, remember who you are type of shit.

Finn finally decides to go home.

Back at brightmoon everythings horrible. its the works yknow? DT got stuck in the “Prison” cause of how they were sus of the advisor.

Just gonna shorten it cause this is so LONG. Finn shows up, catradora are in shock. advisor turns out is the leftover of PRIME so then finn and him fight. Finn wins and here comes one of the newest heros to etheria. GG end of AU LOL

Sorry I dont know what I just wrote. but yeah theres the gist of the idea if yall wanna steal and try to write this shitpost? idk lol thanks for coming to this ted talk

#shera #catra #adora #catradora #lion king au #finn #glimmer problems #bow is in the back crying about how cute it is #rough draft #idk i cant write #she ra fandom #she ra season five #she ra fanfic idea

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bastardsunlight · 4 years

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//Howdy folks! How’s your dashboard treatin’ ya today? I just wanted to lay a couple of things out for anyone who might be wonderin’ what I’m about.

[[MORE]]

If we’re mutuals, I trust that you’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a pretty straight up person—you know, fairly honest, open, and maybe even a wee bit pleasant to interact with/see on your dashboard. In general, I do me best to keep as much negativity as possible OFF ye olde dashboard of this blog. I have been pretty transparent about the sideblogs I keep, @reasonable-assholery is the rant blog so I don’t spew vitriol unnecessarily upon aforementioned dash, @puttingfingerstokeys is my throwaway writing blog for ficlets and ideas (99% Mortal Kombat right now; you’ve been warned), and @thunderdilf which is a great URL and I really kind of just wanted but it has also accidentally turned into a Mortal Kombat/Raiden(Rayden mostly lbr) shitposting blog for my enjoyment (and yours, if you’re into that).

This is the ONLY blog I own. Those are side blogs, yes, but THIS, bastardsunlight is my ONLY blog. I used to have a few RP blogs (no more than five at one time iirc, but the PURGE helped me pare shit down—idk HOW this one dodged that nonsense but I’m grateful that it did). As far as I am aware, none of those blogs are even active anymore. If they are, I do not have the login info which ofc is why they’re still around. E.g. I haven’t been ABLE to delete them. Hopefully tumblr has cleaned that shit up if it does exist.

I also do not LIVE on tumblr. I’ve been more active lately, ayuh, but I’m like… employed and shit. I got stuff to do. I click well with people who are similar. I’m only peripherally aware of fandom drama and shit like that and I really only see it when it crosses me dash via one of the few buddies I retain/have gained from/since the olden days. Ye olden days. I digress… My point is this:

If you hear salacious rumors about me, I encourage you, my sweet followers, to look into it yourself. Scroll my whole-ass blog! I don’t really eve have a TBD tag so if it’s there, it’s always been there and I ain’t getting rid of it ‘cause I’m queen “I SAID WHAT I SAID”. You could also question me directly, or ask one of my friends. ANY one of my mutual buddies will speak to you about me. If they’re not a mutual, we ain’t friends, so there’s no point in taking the word of someone who isn’t a mutual, see? So yeah, maybe that IS a bit biased, but why WOULDN’T I surround meself with friends? I don’t like toadies, sycophants, lackeys, or anyone who’d support a mob mentality type situation if I decided to go postal on someone for disagreeing with me. I want someone who will sit my ass down and say “yo Stiles you’re acting like a psycho; stop letting whomever-it-is live in ya head rent free; that shit is NOT healthy”.

Be wary of people who come NOT bearing screenshots (be wary of those who do and LEAD with that ‘cause man ain’t nobody telling MY ass with whom to interact?? Fo REAL?). Follow your gut. Protect yourself. And should you decide that yes, the mun of bastardsunlight is problematique (recall I have never claimed to be otherwise and I wear that particular mantle with pride), please, I ENCOURAGE you to block me. I implore you to, again, protect yourself, curate your online experience. I make no secret of what happens on this blog. It’s in my rules and FAQ, might even be a PSA post (tagged accordingly). I’ll even tell you if you inbox me! I am not hiding SHIT. I’m here to have a good time with what little freedom I have between work and my other responsibilities. If you are too, we’ll get along just fine.

#psa #asonedoes #not tagging this for personal ooc blacklist stuff because it is important

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lyricaloveranalysis · 4 years

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How Sexy is Too Sexy?

Yet again, another song from 1991, but this time, it is one of those songs that has eclipsed itself, it has become more than the song, an entire catchphrase. That song is “I’m Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred. This amazing shitpost of a song begins with the lines “I’m too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love, love’s going to leave me.” Our protagonist establishes themself as a as a force to be reckoned with, a force of pure sexiness. Sexy is, as you know, short for “sexually attractive”, or attraction based off of sexual desire or causing such desire. Sexual desire is when you want to engage in sexual activities. If you do not know what sex is, you are too young to be reading this, please go listen to The Wiggles or whatever the fuck children do. So our protagonist, who we will call Sexgod, is so sexy, that their significant other could not handle it, and left them. There may be some reasoning to this as their love either was so turned on by Sexgod that it became unbearable, or that they did not think they were deserving of such a fine being. Next up is the lines “I’m too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts.” Sexgod may have a few reasons for going shirtless, either they have such a nice chest that it must be shown off in all its glory, or said shirt is either physically irritating or disrupting the sexiness. Then “I’m too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan, New York and Japan.” Sexgod is too sexy for the Italian city of Milan, capital of the region of Lombardy, the American state of New York or possibly simply the largest city, New York City, and the entire island country of Japan, which is located in East Asia. Milan is well known for its fashion, as is New York City. Japan is also known for its fashion. It is unclear if Sexgod is banned from these places or if it is simply an observation as the people in the places listed are too busy admiring Sexgod to perform their daily functions. Next is the line “And I’m too sexy for your party, too sexy for your party, no way I’m disco dancing.” Sexgod cannot go to the party due to everyone at the party wanting to “hit it” as they say and Sexgod’s dance moves may be so great that people will be begging to sleep with them. Another meaning is that Sexgod may be too cool and too sexy for the decidedly uncool act that is disco dancing. Then the chorus “I’m a model, you know what I mean, and I do my little turn on the catwalk. Yeah, on the catwalk. Yeah, on the catwalk. I do my little turn on the catwalk.” Sexgod has used their sexiness to an advantage and became a model. However the “you know what I mean” may suggest that Sexgod has also engaged in what is known as “glamour photography”, in which the subjects are in erotic poses with a range of fully clothing on, even possible nudity. This is a very fitting career choice due to Sexgod being too sexy for many things. Sexgod is shown to be a runway model, showing off fashion on catwalks. A catwalk is a platform running from the stage to the auditorium, so people can get up and close to Sexgod and proceed to get heart palpitations. I personally believe that fetish fashion would be a very fitting choice in modelling for Sexgod due to their immense sexiness, however it could be too much for the viewer. The next verse starts with the lines “I’m too sexy for my car, too sexy for my car, too sexy by far.”, signifying that Sexgod possibly could not acquire a driver’s licence due to the teacher being overwhelmed by the sexiness, the other cars crashing into Sexgod’s car upon seeing who is in the driver’s seat, or Sexgod simply wanting to show themselves off on public transport. Then is, “I’m too sexy for my hat, too sexy for my hat, what ya think about that?”. Sexgod refuses to wear hats due to obscuring part of the sexiness, or the hat is too astounded by the sexy as to refuse to stay on their head. The question on the end is likely rhetorical, as Sexgod KNOWS they are already too sexy for a variety of things. The chorus is then repeated but the last line is changed to “I shake my little tush on the catwalk.” Sexgod is shaking what is known as “ass” at the viewers, possibly to sexually incite them and solidify the message of this song. Next is the verse that goes “Too sexy for my, too sexy for my, too sexy for my...cut!” Now, I personally do not believe Sexgod has magical healing powers, causing any wounds to automatically heal due out of respect for the immense sexiness. I believe this is just a restatement of the core tenets of this song, that they are too sexy to enjoy much of the things people take for granted, and then telling it to “cut!” or go to the chorus, which it does, it repeats the second chorus. Then is, “I’m too sexy for my cat, too sexy for my cat, poor pussy, poor pussy cat.” Sexgod’s cat is overwhelmed by their sexiness, and Sexgod is sorry that they’re too sexy for the cat. There is a pun here, as “pussy” is both referring to the type of genitals, and Felis catus, or the domestic cat. Sexgod is likely aware of their effects on people’s “private parts” or “sexy bits”, and is possibly also apologizing for the upset or distraction caused by it, as sexual desire is shown to have *ahem* effects on the genitals. Sexgod then says “I’m too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love, love’s going to leave me”, which opened the song. I am not sure why they would have to state this again, however it may be a new love that was found, who left due to the same reasons. And then the line “And I’m too sexy for this song.” and which the song promptly ends. What a beautiful way to close your statement about your unbelievable amount of sexual attractiveness. I aspire to reach even 1/69th of the sheer sexiness that they have. How sexy do you have to be for even simple things to be distrupted due to your godly appearance? I’m too sexy for this analysis.

#lyrics

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linkedsoul · 6 years

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The Cruel Prince review

This is actually an assignment for my written expression class, not just me going “HOW ABOUT I REVIEW BOOKS NOW”, but admittedly, I’m jumping on the occasion to ramble a great deal about The Cruel Prince by Holly Black. Reblogging fanarts wasn’t enough. I need to tell the world how much I love Jude Duarte and how I would die for her.

(Yes this is an assignment, but we’re forbidden from making it academically boring, and we need to use a style that fits the target audience for our review. So here I am, swearing and shitposting, because we’re on tumblr dot com, and that’s my blog \o/)

This review is made for shits and giggles and it’s pretty personal, don’t take it too seriously. There are spoilers in there, but I’m mainly trying not to give out too much, in case anyone who hasn’t read it yet feels like giving it a chance after my stupid review (as long as you don’t mind spoilers).

Given that it’s a book I really loved, I actually recommend it only to people very close to me because I’m afraid of recommending it to everyone and getting negative feedback...

Oh well. At least I hope that review will make you laugh!

This review thus contains spoilers, gifs, John Mulaney reaction pics, and an obvious Terry Pratchett reference because I couldn’t discreetly slide that Death likes cats as I intended to.

Enjoy!

(To my teacher: 880 WORDS MAX WAS NOT ENOUGH SO THE ACTUAL REVIEW STARTS AFTER THE CUT, THAT WAS JUST AN INTRODUCTORY PARAGRAPH WHICH DOESN’T COUNT

Edit: apparently it was between 600 and 800 but in assignments you can always go 10% over or under the word count so I hope really hard that’s the case here too, because I definitely took 800+10% of 800 as my word count.)

First disclaimer: if you haven’t been disappointed repeatedly by Young Adult fiction, you might not fully understand my screams of unbridled triumph upon reading that book. Second disclaimer: there are a thousand words to talk about fairies. I’ll switch between them all.

The Cruel Prince is the first novel of Holly Black’s series the Folk of the Air. The blurb sells unsuspecting heterosexuals a typical YA story where the heroine hates the love interest while secretly lusting on him, because he’s a dark and edgy guy supposed to be her enemy but three pages in and he’s already in love. I got fooled too.

Needless to say, it skyrocketed above my expectations.

To sum it up quickly, TCP is about Jude Duarte, whose parents were killed by a fae and who was brought up by said fae in Faerie land ever since. Growing up, she’s always had to be extremely careful to survive, as Faerie land is dangerous for humans and feys are cruel. To fight back against her worst bully, Prince Cardan, she becomes a spy for another prince. Meanwhile, a new fairy monarch is going to be chosen, and Jude ends up at the center of a coup that threatens the stability of Faerie land.

The worldbuilding is one gorgeous piece of art. It exploits fairy lore and legends, presents faes that are as cruel as beautiful, and takes you into a dark but bewitching world, with messed up values and morally grey characters. Black’s poetic yet strong writing style fits the setting and managed to make the first person point of view enjoyable. After a few chapters, I was hooked. I was pleasantly surprised by how the story unfolded, the importance put on the main character and her development rather than on a half-assed romance too typical of many YA novels that gets me yeeting my book across the room. TCP is about relationships of power and court intrigues, about the blurry line of good and bad, about being taken in something bigger than yourself and having to fight and make physical and moral sacrifices to keep up.

The romance enters vaguely in the second part of the novel, with a well-done enemies-to-lovers trope and a slowburn worthy of a 200k words AO3 fanfiction. The author handles well their relationship and its slow development: two characters who hate each other and would want it to remain that way, but start developing affection for each other despite it all.

A YA novel which makes me root for the main couple and uses sexual tension between them in a way even my ace-spec ass can understand? A miracle.

The first person point of view doesn’t make Jude bland like some kind of Bella Swan. Jude is complex and nuanced, and has a well-built psychology that just makes me want to marry her.

Black seems to like heroines with swords, but unlike in the Spiderwick Chronicles, Jude actually stabs people with her sword. She’s like the love child of Tiffany Achings, Mallory Grace, Kaz Brekker, and Ellana Caldin. (Mainly Tiffany.) Like in the Wee Free Men, once in Faerie Land, Jude needs to remain angry in order not to crumble under fear - and this, in particular, motivates a lot of her actions. Jude craves power and strength to stop living in fear. She lets her morals turn grey because of that and the environment she was raised in. She’s neither evil nor cruel; but she’s also ruthless and ready to do what it takes to succeed.

She’s hardcore, she mithridatises herself, is well-versed in sword fighting and military strategy, stabs her enemies, makes out with Cardan at knife-point, poisons her adoptive dad, and manages to snatch control of the throne without anyone knowing she’s pulling the strings.

But she’s obviously not gotten through Faerie land unscathed, although she doesn’t dwell on it. The impact of her grey-moralled decisions on her is shown and well-handled. Black sprinkled Jude with a fistful of hypervigilance, adrenaline addiction, lack of self-preservation and difficulty to bond with people and express her feelings, which really smells like trauma. Another discrete trait, but which makes her extremely relatable, is that whenever someone shows her kindness, whether it’s her parents’ murderer or her nemesis Cardan, she starts appreciating them and is conflicted about it. Then she copes with a good old “it be like that sometimes”.

Also, kudos to Black for how she wrote Cardan, the love interest. He first appears as an arrogant, overconfident prince, and turns out to have a tragic backstory and an abusive brother, but he literally Mario jumps over the usual YA novel tropes. First because Black doesn’t use his tragic backstory to justify his bully attitude. Second because he’s actually a terrible fighter who doesn’t want to kill anyone, spends most of his time drunk, and is unable to accept and cope with him having the hots for Jude.

All in all, TCP is a beautifully written, enchanting book that uses some typical YA novel tropes in the best of ways, with three-dimensional characters, interesting conflicts, and a well-crafted plot, that enthralls you from the beginning to the end. Definitely a favorite.

(And lastly, thanks to Black for including a wlw couple and fairies who definitely aren’t heterosexual. Another great surprise.)

Word count: 879 words

(Last time I checked. I seemingly love to make minor edits when I’m about to post stuff but right now I can’t remember for shit if I’ve done some or not.)

#the cruel prince #review #the folk of the air #linked reviews #linked rambling #shitpost #yes this assignment is one huge shitpost #jude duarte #cardan greenbriar #i could talk about jude for hours #but alas I only had 880 words #so here you go

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darkvolley · 6 years

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I have finally finished transcribing the XemSai werewolf fic I wrote from when I was 12. It’s not actually finished but I don't plan on doin that. I’m kinda only posting it as a shitpost anyway. So don’t try to critique it. It’s very out of character to the point Xemnas is basically a hyper empathic twink, and I’m not exaggerating that. It’s also not formatted cuz I wanted to keep that genuine historical 12 year old from 2012’s fanfic in a school notebook feel. The only things changed are spelling errors, grammar mistakes, and missing words. Otherwise it’s all directly transported right out of 2012. And trust me, this thing hurts me or than it hurts you. (Thoughts didn't stay in italics during the copy paste from Google Docs and I don't wanna fix it, let alone ever look at this thing again.)

A lone blue beast raced through the forest, crunching leaves and twigs it stepped on as it tried to escape. Suddenly the blue beast was surrounded by five others. They inched closer to it with every passing moment, deep growling emitting from the blue one. With a loud roar the supposed leader, a black and white beast, lunged forward and slashed its claws in an 'x’ on the blue's face. All at once three of the others charged at the defenseless beast. The red one chomped down furiously on the petrified blue's left hind leg. The only female bit hard upon its ear, causing the blue to yelp. A more younger, dark blonde one dug his claws into its backside, the beast finally collapsing. The youngest, still a pup, watched from the sidelines as the leader pawed at the fallen beast. The four trotted away, then the female turned, growling when she noticed the blue's nose twitch. The beast's eyes opened and it lifted his head. It barked at the female, which she responded with a low growl. “I'm sorry.” The barks spoke. “It's too late for apologies, you betrayed us and we did what we had to do to protect the pack.” The female growled. “You go against one of us and you go against all us. You should know that more than any of us, Saix.” The leader barked as he and his followers ran off back to the pack and left the blue all alone to die.

“Xemnas! Hurry up!” Vexen yelled. Six boys were running home after school so they could get their work done and hang out together at the park. The only problem… “Xemnas. Do we need to carry you?” Marluxia asked. Xemnas can't run. “No Marly, I can keep running.” Why does my house have to be on the other side of the forest? He was lying on the ground, a leaf stuck in his hair, breathing heavily and trying to regain himself. Zexion crouched down to face Xemnas. “You need to get in shape, Superior.” Zexion taunted, adding his 'go-by name’ that most of them called him. “Oh shut up Zexion. Just leave me here for a little while, I'll catch up later. He requested. They all respected his request and left to their own homes. After several minutes, Xemnas sat up and removed the leaves from his hair. He became silent for a moment, listening to the sounds of nature. He heard the birds chirping, squirrels climbing up trees, leaves falling off their branches, and a quiet whimpering noise from far away. Whimpering? Xemnas stood up and tried to listen carefully to where the noise was coming from. He tried to follow the noise until it became so loud, no one could miss it. He reached towards a bush, the sound of growling startled him and he flinched, taking his hand back. He grabbed part of the bush again and parted the branches to reveal a big, blue, bloody dog. Xemnas gasped and backed up at the sight of the large odd colored canine. The beast had long blue fur that looked like hair a human girl would have. A large bloody wound on its face that resembled an 'x’ was the most prominent feature on the beast. More injuries such as a small portion of his right ear was missing. It was also odd that it had floppy ears with piercings rather than pointed, like Xemnas always saw on wild dogs in the area. Its left hind-leg had a large bite wound that looked like it wouldn't stop bleeding for a long time. Claw marks on his right side stained the fur on it's back with blood. The dog was growling furiously at Xemnas in fear of being hurt anymore than it already had been. “It's okay big fella, I won't hurt you.” Xemnas spoke softly and reached his hand out. The blue canine didn't stop growling but seemed to only be trying to scare Xemnas rather than warn him of getting bitten. Xemnas ignored the attempt at scaring him and took a risk, he gently placed his hand on the beast's head. He waited a moment so that the blue could get used to his hand and accept it. The blue's growling became quieter, knowing that for now he would not be harmed, but still keeping his guard up just incase. Xemnas patted his hand on the blue's head and the growling seemed to abruptly stop all together. “You poor thing you. Who could have done such a terrible thing to a guy like you? You're so cute and fluffy I can't think of any reason someone might want to hurt you. And look at this blood, you must be in severe pain.” The blue whimpered slightly and nudged into Xemnas's touch. He moved his hands to scratch behind its ears. The beast's tail wagged at the fluffy feeling and barked happily. Xemnas jumped slightly at the loud noise the blue made and giggled, lifting its head up. “You need a name big guy.” Xemnas thought aloud. He studied the blue fur a moment, several names ran through his head like X, that's probably not even a name, Fluffy, too girly and over used, Woolfie, he wasn't even sure if the beast was a wolf, and Buddy, too common just like fluffy. Then it hit him. “I'll call you Blu!” He cheered. 'Blu’ turned his head to the side and did a quick little bark as if he was testing out his new name. “So you like the name?” Xemnas asked, getting a tail wag and hand nudge in response. “Glad you like it Blu. I'm-” “Xemnas!” He heard Marluxia calling his name. “Superior, where are you?” Xaldin shouted. “Sorry Blu, I-I gotta go.” Xemnas said. Blu whimpered and let his ears droop. Xemnas got up to leave but Blu pawed at his leg. “I'll come back tomorrow to see you, I promise. Blu.” Xemnas looked down at Blu and patted him on the head. “Superior, is that you?” Luxord asked. Xemnas ran over to his friends and they all walked away from the area. Xemnas turned back to see Blu laying behind the bush, his wounds still bleeding slightly. “Superior, why are you covered in blood?” Lexaeus asked. “Hmm, what? I'm not- oh, this is- uh- it's… not blood. It's, uh red ink. I-I dropped my pen and when I tried to pick it back up, it broke and red ink got everywhere. Why did you think it was blood?” Xemnas lied, that last sentence to be as a distraction. “Yeah Lex, why did you think you think it looked like blood?” Marluxia repeated Xemnas's question. While everyone was pestering Lex, Xemnas took a quick look at himself. His black jacket had blood at the bottom and on the sleeves. His pants also had blood and it even on his hands. “Poor Blu.” Xemnas whispered. Zexion, who had a great sense of smell, abruptly stopped his own Lex pestering and sniffed the air. “It is blood!” He shouted. Everyone stopped where they were, leaving Marluxia, Luxord, and Lexaeus in a rather odd position, and stared at Xemnas. He turned to face the others’ rather terrifying stares. “Superior, what is it that you're not telling us?” Vexen asked. And with that, Xemnas ran all the way to his house with his cat and grandfather waiting. “Why is he acting so weird?” Xaldin asked.

Ch.2

Before the bell rang Xemnas checked his backpack for the bazillionth time today just to make sure all his supplies were there. He took a couple medical supplies from his grandfather's office to bring to Blu so he can try and he him. Zipping up his bag, the bell rang and everyone left the room to get home. Walking out of the classroom he went right past all his friends and headed straight for the woods to go see Blu. “Hey, Superior! Where ya going?” Luxord called out. “Woods. That's where. Don't wait up, don't follow me. I got some private stuff I need to do.” Xemnas yelled at them in a hurry, too busy to turn around. He walked out of the school zone and entered the woods. Xemnas couldn't quite remember where he was when he found Blu, only that the bush was next to the biggest tree in the woods. Unfortunately, it always felt like the tree was in a different place every time you visit. Xemnas wandered around for quite awhile. He started getting more concerned for Blu and searched every nook and cranny in the woods. “Blu, Blu where are you? Bark if you can hear me!” Xemnas called out, but received no reply. I hope you're okay, Blu. He walked into a rather bright part of the woods where the sky had shown through all day and night. Xemnas looked high into the sky and saw the top of a large tree. He headed towards the tree in a desperate attempt to help Blu. Eventually he stopped and could see the tree a far ways away. “Blu! Are you there Blu?” He yelled. A bush to his right rustled and startled Xemnas. “Blu, is that you?” He asked. “Superior, who's Blu?” Emerging from the bush was Xemnas's closest friend, Xaldin. “Xaldin? Wha-what are you doing here?” Xemnas asked. “Well we all got worried about you so I agreed to follow you and see what you were up to.” Xaldin explained. “You really shouldn't get involved, Xaldin. I'm not even sure of what I'm doing is okay.” Xemnas warned. “What are you doing? Does this have anything to do with what or who Blu is?” Xaldin questioned. “Listen, it's nothing against you or the others but, I just don't want you guys getting involved. I really think it's for the best if you just go home and leave me to my own business.” Xemnas told him, which obviously upset Xaldin. “What could be so private that you can't let us know, not even me, and I've known you longer than all of the others!” At this point, the two friends were getting furious at each other. “If you wanna know so bad then I'll tell you! I saw a wild dog yesterday that was hurt really bad and so today I brought some medical supplies to help him and I didn't want you guys to find out because I knew you would want me to stay away from Blu because he could be dangerous and I don't care about that, I just want to help him because there's something special about Blu, I just know it. I even felt this weird connection with him, like we needed each other somehow!” Xemnas finished his long explanation and breathed heavily from the loud, fast yelling at his friend. Xaldin just stood there for a moment, certainly confused from the speed his friend was talking inm “You… found a wild dog, and it was hurt?” Xemnas, finally collecting his breath, stood upright and cleared his mind. “Yes Xaldin, I found a wild dog and he's hurt. Are you going to tell me to leave it alone and let nature take its course or not tell a soul and help?” Xemnas desperately awaited a response, hoping that his friend wouldn't tell an adult. “Superior,” Xaldin started, “if you really believe you can help the animal, then be my guest. As long as I get to help.” Xemnas ran up to Xaldin and gave him a big hug. “Thank you Xaldin!” He simply patted Xemnas on the back and smiled. “So where is this 'Blu’ at, Superior?” Xaldin asked. “I found him in a bush near The Tree That Never Was.” Xemnas answered, pointing towards the giant oak tree. “Then let's go get him.” Xaldin replied. They both walked for a few minutes towards the tree, which got bigger the closer they got to it. The reason it was named The Tree That Never Was is because long ago the townspeople chopped down the only oak tree in the forest and over night three appeared the way it is, a forty foot tree just popped up overnight. They reached the tree and stopped for a moment. “So where's Blu?” Xaldin asked. “Somewhere around here. Blu shouldn't be that difficult to find. He is blue after all.” At the sound of Blu's name being said so by Xemnas, a low bark was heard nearby. Xemnas ran from the tree and towards the bark. He called Blu's name again and another bark was heard. Xaldin walked near a bush and a loud roar erupted from behind the bush. The roar scared Xaldin to the ground. From behind the bush a big blue dog limped out, its fangs barred and it growled deeply. Blood covered most of the face and back and it couldn't even place its leg on the ground. Xemnas ran in front of Xaldin and guarded him. “Blu calm down, he's my friend, he won't hurt you. I came back just like I promised and I can help you too.” Blu stopped growling and his tail was wagging like a puppy's. “See Xaldin, he's only scared. He's just trying to protect himself.” “Then why isn't he growling at you?” Xaldin asked. “He trusts me and knows I want to help him.” Xemnas replied. He walked over to the dog and scratched behind his ears. “What happened to him?” Xaldin asked. “I'm not really sure, but maybe he was attacked by people, or other wild dogs.” Xemnas answered. He took off his backpack and opened it up to reveal all the medical supplies. “Where did you get that stuff?” Xaldin asked. “I got them from my grandfather's office. He locked himself in his lab again today so I took them for Blu.” Xemnas pulled out some peroxide and poured some on Blu's face wound who flinched and whimpered. “So what are you gonna do with Blu, take him home with you or something?” Xaldin inquired. “You and questions, I swear. But that is something to consider. Maybe I should take him home with me.” Xemnas bandaged up Blu's head and moved to the side to treat the wound on his right. “That's a crazy idea! What if he freaks out and kills your cats or bites your grandfather, or your dad, maybe even your brother if he comes to visit! What if he bites YOU!?” Xaldin freaked out, the worst case scenarios running through his mind. Xemnas, who was unfazed by Xaldin's concern continued to treat Blu by moving onto heal his damaged leg. “Xaldin calm down, Blu isn't a threat to Terra, Vanitas, Grandfather, Dad, Ansem, or me. Blu is too nice. You like cats, right Blu?” Surprisingly, Blu let out a deep bark in response. Unfortunately, they couldn't tell if Blu was agreeing or disagreeing with what Xemnas said. “I still don't completely trust Blu. What are you gonna tell your grandfather, how are you even going to get him to your place if he can barely walk? And you do realize tomorrow's Saturday so you won't be able to see him.” Xaldin informed the other teen. “I know that if Grandfather finds him I'll be in big trouble, but I think I have an idea for a way to get him to my house today without making him walk.” Xemnas moved on to fix Blu’s ear though he couldn't do much since part of it was ripped off. “What are you planning Superior?” Xaldin asked. “Well, you remember that red wagon I had that we would ride down the street in, right?” Xaldin nodded and Xemnas continued. “I'm gonna go home and get the wagon while you stay here and watch Blu.” “What! I don't trust that beast! What if it attacks me, what if he runs away, what if-” “Fine, you go to my house and get the wagon while I stay here and watch Blu. He actually trusts me, unlike you trusting him ya big sissy.” “...I'll watch Blu.” “That's what I thought.” Xemnas walked out of the woods and back to his house. He went in and placed his backpack in his room. He searched in the garage for the wagon and when he couldn't find it, he headed straight to his grandfather's lab. Xemnas knocked on the door which opened by itself. He stepped in and looked around. His cats were in the lab and meowed at each other. The brown cat, Terra, walked towards the back of the room and pawed at a red shelf on the floor. Looking at it, Xemnas realized it was the wagon and his grandfather borrowed it to put some jars full of samples on. Xemnas walked over to the wagon and patted Terra on the head then removed the jars from the wagon. He wheeled it out of the house and down the street to the woods. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and checked it to see that he had a text message from Xaldin. Where are you? At the end of the street I have the wagon. Hurry, I'm kinda scared with this dog next to me watching me text. Hi Blu! jffhgddsl What? I think Blu said hi. He put his phone away and pulled the wagon deeper into the woods until he saw Xaldin and Blu. “There you are. So let's get him on the wagon.” Xaldin said. “Can you get up yourself Blu, or do you need our help?” Xemnas asked. Blu tried to limp his way over to the wagon and he tried to place his front paws up on the wagon but he couldn't jump all the way up. Xaldin pushed Blu up and Xemnas pulled him forward so he was secure in the middle. “Xaldin, you pull the wagon.” Xemnas demanded. “What? Why me?” Xaldin questioned. “Look at you, then look at me, which one of us do you think can pull the wagon better?” Xemnas sarcastically asked. “I'll pull the wagon.” Caldin replied. That's also what I thought. Xemnas and Xaldin walked through the woods with Blu on the wagon. Xaldin pulled the wagon out of the woods and they ended up on dirt road. The two boys walked on to Xemnas's house. Once they reached the driveway Xaldin's phone beeped and checked it. “Sorry Superior, my mom wants me home now.” Xaldin said. “Aw man. I guess I'll see you Monday then.” Xemnas said, sounding disappointed. “I'll see ya later, and you too ya big blue puffball.” Xaldin scratched the top of Blu's head, waved by to Xemnas, and left for his house. I hope he doesn't tell anyone. “Alright Blu, let's get you inside.” Xemnas pulled the wagon in the house which took longer than it would have if Xaldin were pulling it. He closed the door behind him and assumed his grandfather wasn't home from the research facility yet so he left the door unlocked. Xemnas helped Blu down from the wagon and let him lay on the couch. He heard meowing in his grandfather's lab. Xemnas glanced at the clock, four thirty-six, way past the cat's lunch time. “Alright Blu, you stay here while I feed the cats. I'll be right back.” Xemnas told the dog, scratching behind his ear. He went into the pantry and got two bowls full of cat food. He headed to the lab and placed down the two bowls. Terra and Vanitas ran toward the bowls and chowed down. Xemnas watched his cats eat for a moment before getting up and leaving to check on Blu. He left the lab and entered the living room. Something felt odd in the room which made Xemnas feel uneasy. “Blu, are you okay?” He asked. At the sound of the name, a man on the couch where Blu was turned around. He had long blue hair and yellow eyes. His ears were pierced and the tips were pointed like an elf. His face was slightly bandaged and some blood was shown in his face. He was dressed in a long black coat that zipped down to his waist. “Hello Xemnas.” He said. “Who are you?” Xemnas asked, rather nervous. “It's me, Blu.”

Ch.3

“Y-you're not Blu. You can't be, Blu's a dog not a human.” Xemnas stuttered. “Well, actually, Xemnas, I'm not really a dog. I'm more of a wolf dog, half wolf half dog.” The man stated. “I don't know what you're babbling about but I'm calling the police.” Xemnas went to the kitchen and reached for the phone but the man jumped over the couch, ran into Xemnas, and landed on top of him. “Please don't Xemnas. I know it's hard to believe, but you gotta trust me.” Xemnas glanced behind him and saw a rather peculiar seeming object. It was blue and curled up slightly. Looking closer, Xemnas noted that it looked furry. The man caught onto Xemnas looking. He looked behind himself to see what caught his attention. “Oh this? It's my tail. Now you believe me, right?” “What are you?” Xemnas asked. “I already told you, I'm a wolf dog.” “You can't be, you're a human… with a tail. There's no way you can be Blu, let alone any animal in general.” “I know it's hard to believe, but some animals are capable of transformation. Not just into humans, but anything, and for some they aren't very good at transforming so they retain so they retain a trait from their real form. In my case, my tail.” “Why should I trust you?” “I know your name is Xemnas.” The man said. “That's not enough, you could have seen my name anywhere.” Xemnas responded. “...You told me I was cute and fluffy yesterday.” He replied. Xemnas blushed slightly, sure he remembers saying that to Blu, but he never thought he would understand what Xemnas said. “I… I still don't know if I can trust you.” The man sighed disappointingly. He reached up and moved his bangs behind his ears. At a closer look Xemnas could see that the top part of his right ear was missing and the edge was slightly jagged. “...Blu…?” The man reached down and enveloped Xemnas in a big hug. “Oh Xemnas! I knew you'd know it was me!” “Okay, yeah that's good. Now can you let me get off the kitchen floor please.” Blu stood up and helped Xemnas to his feet. “I still don't understand though. Why… how… what are… Why don't you just explain all this to me. Who are you really Blu?” They sat down on the couch and Blu thought of where he should begin. “You see, the world is full of more wonders then the normal human truly sees. What most people see as a… wolf, for example, is actually a wolf but with great abilities. Like many animals, a wolf can transform into anything they please. Wolves who are still learning or just not that good often have trouble transforming into non-living things. They also retain something from their true form, like I said earlier for me it’s my tail. It's a little different for me though. As a wolf dog I only have limited transforming abilities. I'm lucky though 'cause its very rare. Anyone you see could really be an animal. I want to thank you though. You just happened to come along after I started to give up. Because you helped me I regain enough strength to use this form to talk to you. When you left that first day I was afraid you would never come back. You wouldn't believe how happy I was to see you again. I'm so grateful.” Blu hugged Xemnas tightly and placed his head between his neck and shoulder. Xemnas flinched and blushed slightly but placed one hand on Blu's back and the other on the back of his head. “How did you get hurt Blu?” “...I-I'm not ready to talk about it.” It was silent for a moment as Xemnas thought. This is crazy. There's no way this can be true, but yet here he is in front of me as a human. Should I tell Xaldin or the others? What if Grandfather ask about him? I need to stop worrying about this and wonder what I'm gonna do about Blu. Something alerted them and Xemnas reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his phone. Blu looked over and saw Xemnas read a text message. Xemnas looked over the text that Xaldin sent him. Hey just got home. How's it going with that dog? Xal, we need to talk. Only seconds after sending his reply Xemnas and Blu heard the front door opening. “Quick Blu, hide!” Xemnas pushed Blu off the couch and shoved him in his room. “But Xe-” Xemnas shut the door behind Blu and rushed back into the living room. His heart was racing as the door flew open and he saw his grandfather. “Oh, there you are Xemnas. What did I tell you about leaving the front door unlocked?” His grandfather said. “It must be locked because if Father or Brother decide to come home they won't be able to because they don't deserve it.” Xemnas said. “Atta boy.” His grandfather patted his shoulder and headed to his lab. “Did you feed Terra and Vanitas?” “Yes I did.” “Why is your wagon in the living room and not in my lab?” Dammit, I forgot about the wagon! “Me and Xaldin needed it to… uh… move a… a rock!” A rock!? How stupid am I!? His grandfather just stared at him confused. “You had to move… a rock?” He asked Xemnas. His phone suddenly rang in his pocket and he fumbled to get it. “Yeah and looky here, it's Xaldin. I should take this.” He ran into his room and locked the door behind him. When he answered his phone he noticed a blue tail poking out from under his bed. Hiding under the bed wasn't really necessary. “Hey Xal.” He said. “Hey, what did you wanna talk about?” “Well… Blu isn't any normal dog.” Xemnas saw Blu peak his head out at the sound of his name, who had already turned back into a dog. “What do you mean?” Xaldin asked. “Do you think your mom will let you come over?” “Probably…” “Then get over here now.” Before he got a response Xemnas closed his phone and put it back in his pocket. Blu crawled out from under the bed and limped over to Xemnas. He placed his hand under Blu's chin and bent down to his level. “Your leg still hurt?” He asked. Blu nodded in response but perked his ears up when he heard a knock at the bedroom door. Blu went under the bed again and Xemnas turned and opened the door, but only slightly in case Blu was visible. His grandfather was at the door. “Oh, hey, Gramps.” Xemnas greeted him nervously. “Xemnas, can I keep the babies in your room? Some of the chemicals in there I need to open and I don't want the little darlings getting ahold of them.” He asked his grandson. Why do you always call the cats your babies or darlings? “Uh… that might not be a good idea.” Xemnas replied. “Good idea? Why thanks, I'll go get them!” He said. “Wait! I didn't…” Why does he do that every time I refuse something? He came back with both Terra amd Vanitas and placed them in Xemnas's room. When the door closed Blu came out and encountered the cats. All three barked and meowed at each other and Xemnas assumed they were all talking. He walked over to his window and looked for Xaldin. Where are you? He turned back around and when he came face to face with human Blu he jumped and screamed. “Stop doing that Blu!” He yelled. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.” Blu pouted and he tucked his tail down. Oh great, here comes the guilt. “No, I'm sorry. Just let me know when you're gonna do that.” Xemnas patted Blu's head and lightly giggled at how funny Blu looked with the bandages wrapped on his head and face. “The felines say the old man is crazy.” Blu stated and the cats meowed in agreement. Xemnas giggled again. “He is a little cooky, but I think that every scientist is a little psycho, even Vexen is going crazy and he wants to be a scientist.” Xemnas heard a knock on his window and looked past the blinds to see Xaldin. “Okay Blu, stay here, watch Terra and Van, and I'll go get Xaldin.” Man, he gets here fast. He left his room and got the front door to let Xaldin in. “Alright, will you tell me now?” Xaldin asked. “Why don't I just show you.” Xemnas pulled Xaldin into his room and luckily Blu was still a human. “Who the hell is that?” Xaldin asked. “Don't you remember me? It's Blu.” Blu said. “Okay, I know this is hard to believe but-” Xaldin raised his hand in front of Xemnas's face. “I'm going home.” “No wait! It's true really!” Xemnas yelled, stopping him from leaving. “Oh, I believe you. I just don't want anything to do with this.” Xaldin pushed his younger friend aside and left the room. Running in front of him in the hall, Xemnas blocked his oath with his arms. “Please Xaldin, you're my closest friend. I've known you longer than any of the others. I think you're the only one who can help.” Xemnas pleaded. Xaldin was irritated by now at his friend. “Help with what? When his wounds heal just put him back into the wild. It's that simple!” Blu limped into the hall and used the wall as support, the cats peeking from behind the door. “I can't go back. My pack won't accept me.” Xaldin turned to face him. “What do you mean?” “They thought I was a traitor so they chased me out.” Blu tried to place his foot firmly on the ground and yelped. He almost fell to the ground but Xaldin grabbed his arm and caught Blu before he fell. Blu looked up at Xaldin with yellow piercing eyes. Xaldin felt a light tug at his heart and quickly looked away from the puppy dog eyes. What is it about animals that make me want to care about everything? “I'll stay…” Blu jumped up and snuggled his arm, and Xemnas ran over to hug him. “Thank you so much Xal!” What have I gotten myself into?

Ch. 4

Xaldin and Xemnas sat on the couch in the living room watching wolf Blu play with the cats. “So, what do we do with him?” Xaldin asked. “...Well he definitely needs to stay while his wounds heal… and I guess if I word it right I can convince Gramps to let me keep him.” “But he's part wolf. It's possible that he could snap at anything. And what if he bites someone, he could be put down!” Xaldin worried. “Blu seems too sweet to bite someone. I'll just keep him on a tight leash so he doesn't misbehave.” Xemnas reassured him. “You know, a leash might not be a bad idea.” “I'm not putting him on an actual leash, Xal.” “Fine then, but don't come crying to me when he bites someone's finger off.” Xaldin simply got a glare from Xemnas. He turned his attention back to Blu. “Blu, you hungry?” Xemnas asked. Lu barked back and wagged his tail joyfully. “Oh great Superior, what are you gonna feed him?” Xaldin asked sarcastically. “I could always feed you to him.” “Touche, Superior, touche.” Blu limped to the kitchen and sat down to observe everything. Xemnas and Xaldin followed behind him. Xemnas looked around at all their food, looking in the fridge he asked, “Should we feed him human food or animal food?” He looked back at Xaldin to see he was awkwardly staring towards Blu. “What are you staring a-Aahh!” He turned around mid sentence to be surprised by human Blu. “What did I say about doing that?!” Xemnas's voice got very high pitched and Xaldin snickered at him. “Oh… I'm sorry Xemnas.” Blu tucked his tail down. “No, I'm sorry. Just… please, give a warning.” Blu nodded and Vanitas jumped on the counter. He pawed at Blu to get his attention and when he turned around Vanitas seemed to be telling him something. “Vanitas said the old man keeps a stash of sweets in his lab.” Xemnas and Xaldin momentarily glanced at each other. “Blu, he's got a lot of chocolate in that stash of his. I don't think that'd be healthy, ya know the whole 'dogs with chocolate has a heart attack’ thing?” Xemnas told him. Blu didn't understand the issue so Xaldin had to tell him the story about Marluxia's neighbor's dog that died because the man's daughter gave it chocolate. Of course that made Blu terrified of all human food, so Xemnas ended up feeding wolf Blu some meat from the freezer. “I still can't believe any of this.” Xemnas said as they watched Blu eat. “Yeah, well I've seen crazier things.” Xaldin told him. “What are you talking about?” Xemnas asked. “Let's just say that there are weirder things in that forest than shape shifting wolves.” He said to his younger friend. It was some sort of silent moment between all of them as Xemnas wondered what that could possibly mean. Blu finished eating only seconds after, it was obviously a while since his last meal. It was now getting dark and maybe around seven or so. “What are you gonna do with him when you're at school?” Xaldin asked.

And that’s it! To elaborate on a bit Vanitas was hoping Saix would eat some chocolate and die. Zexion was secretly a wolf. And I have no idea what the thing Xaldin mentions at the end was supposed to be about. Oh and Terra and Vanitas could shape shift too. And Axel set up Saix so he wouldn’t get found out. That’s all I remember that wasn’t brought up in what was already written.

#kingdom hearts #xemsai #sorry to ruin your tag with this!#fanfic #I regret this so much #it was to make yall suffer but im the one suffering #I hope I repress this

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faunusrights · 6 years

Text

OFFAL HUNT REMASTER LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 8? IS IT 8 ALREAD- YEAH IT IS.

oh god its been 8 weeks already i dont like that these chapters reveal how much time im WASTING but c’est la vie as always lets put these assholes on blast:

moving SWIFTLY on!!!!!!!!!!!!

(also what do you mean ‘it’s the meat chapter’. wh. what meat. hello.)

She slumped back against uncomfortably warm stone, trying to tuck her feet back into the shade.

it’s a known fact that glynda is all Long all Angles and also a lot of Beef,

this is? the date, right? the date chapter? yes? all the chapters have been shuffled around i have NO sense of where i am because all thats happened for 7 chapters is ive been assaulted by lesbians but given the distant chanting of meat meat meat this must be the date.... right.........................................

OH THAT MEANS WE GET TO SEE CINDER’S DRESS NICE

Cinder’s smile flashed through Glynda’s mind, and she shifted against the stone wall, reaching for her Scroll.

my favourite thing is how whenever cinder and glynda think of each other its never not got crazy gay energy............. this is LITERALLY like the whole ‘i sleep next to a photo of my enemy’ deal!!!!!!!!!!! they’re both just attracted to dangerous (and also stupid) people, is the thing,

The Grimm swarmed, biting insects with snapping mandibles, their chitinous exoskeletons all scraping against one another with their constant, eager writhings.

YES thats some GOOD IMAGERY RIGHT THERE IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF UH-HUH

honestly i- OKAY LOOK I SAID IT BEFORE BUT I STAND BY HOW OFFAL HUNT IS SO VISCERAL... i love writing thats like............ kinda Uncomfy to imagine but also rly detailed and just rly digs into the gore and the grossness............ its GOOD CONTENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank god offal hunt just whaps u in the face w/ it like a damp sock,

we’re got a bit of slow start here which is a nice way to slice the difference between earlier ‘gotta go fast’ glyn and this ‘actually i’m way out of my depth’ glyn. wow! i can BREATHE. and we havent had anything massively cheeky pop up yet which may be a new record all round

The ripples of its being reached Glynda with ease, consuming those of the smaller Grimm. It was dangerous. More dangerous by far, even out here among these ancient beasts.

mmmmmmmmmmm this is- okay slight spoilers but i presume this is hati? aka he who had like a handful of lines in the first version and was generally just... look hati was winner of The Most Vague award in the first version so i’m hoping its hati because i am CURIOUS ABT THIS BOY.................. who i coincidentally love. who is he? we’re not sure (yet) but i love him. its just a fact!

It wasn’t just consumption. It was desecration. Vile unmaking. The Grimm stripped away her flesh. Tasted of her marrow. Gorged itself on the gristle between her bones and peeled back her ribs to reveal the chasm within. It sucked the soul from her chest in a wash of red and agony that spanned centuries, each running over the raw meat of her like long, black claws—

I JUST LOVE THE WAY THIS SHIT GETS DESCRIBED ITS SO SATISFYING also i feel like there should be a tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiny fingerguns in here t e c h n i c a l l y but im not gonna cause its vague enough i can kiiiiiiiiiiiiiinda move on kinda slightly maybe

It felt like death itself had caught her in its massive maw, chilling her organs, reaching for the soul at the core of her.

OKAY FINE 👈😡👈

OKAY FINE YEAH THE REST OF THIS IS ALL CHEEKY FINGERGUNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that said this is all RLY VITAL STORYTELLING and im rly glad we’ve got some expanded Glynda Lore because it was Lacking in the archived version... but now we’re full on until glynda backstory babey!!!!!!!! yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fear itself couldn’t touch her, and even as she thought this, she felt it drain away.

Her breathing slowed. Her body relaxed. Information trickled in, unburdened by emotion.

👈👈👈😡👈👈👈

glynda rly DOES only have half a braincell Huh

OKAY DATE TIME? DATE TIME? YES? MAYBE?????????????? god ive been looking forward to this stupid gay date for so long. EIGHT WEEKS. EIGHT.

A pause. “Are you familiar with the Hill of Roses Massacre?”

ah the return of the Plot (that Isnt The Gay Bit)

i was gonna Say A Thing, and then answered my own question, and then realised it’d be spoilers anyway. YAY SPOILERS! YAY NOT BEING ABLE 2 SAY ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so yeah theres a lot going on here dsdjhgf

“Well, it was your class, so.” She couldn’t help but smile at the memory.

/ticks off ‘anything to do w/ ozpin’ off the bingo card, again,

“I’m afraid it’s a bit more complicated than that, Glynda. With this meeting on the horizon… I fear I would cloud your judgement.”

oz i love u and yr cryptic bullshit but this will not the first Nor The Last Time glynda and i are both exasperated w/ u. please. blease.

Ozpin had never misled her before.

👈😂👈

“I’m only following orders.” Written with the same implication as a wink. “Now, is there anything else I can help you with, Professor?”

i fucking adore winter schnee i’d DIE for her

i may have to make a spoiler version of this later because theres Some Shit being said here and i DIRELY have to expand upon it but that will have 2 wait dskfjsdf

When they saw she was human, they waved her through without any trouble.

i still feel like im being targeted for my url!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! U ASSHOLES,

As much as she could, Glynda tried to avoid the constant bump of shoulders and too-tight quarters. As large as she was, it was nearly impossible,

what did i say!!!!!!!!!!!!! we LOVE one beefy bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(im literally getting SO excited for the date reveal im VIBRATING)

She still didn’t have much of an idea what waited within, but she had quite a few reservations about using the front door.

me: knows whats coming also me: glynda please

As a Huntress who’d been trained in both subtlety and stealth, Glynda had a few ideas.

The next person who stepped outside was thrown roughly aside,

ME: GLYNDA PLEASE,

you have no idea how often im just. i have my face in my hands. glynda’s never heard of a repercussion in her life. cinder once saw the word ‘consequences’ and broke out into hives. im. where’s the thinking-

And then she noticed Cinder.

here comes the peak gay im so ready HERE IT COMES-

Her hair was tossed over one shoulder as always, but in place of her usual crimson dress, she wore black tonight. Dark fabric with but a hint of iridescent specks rippled around her ankles, rising up to stretch tight across her hips. It rose all the way to the hollow of her throat and was cut to be sleeveless, though Cinder wore gloves of the same material that rose nearly to her shoulders.

HERE IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh my god u may know i drew a shitpost of this scene and now i Have to redraw it to be even Sexier!!!!!!!!!! also i know glynda could argue she’s being Observant but i also think, she’s a home of saxophone, and is gay,

LIKE ‘stretch tight across her hips’ WHY YA L O O K I N

Glass heels clicked over the dark stone floor as Cinder stopped right in front of Glynda, looking up at her from beneath lofty bangs. Gold eyes swept from the crown of Glynda’s head to the crop gripped so tightly in her hand—and then Cinder smiled.

there is No heterosexual explanation for this

Cinder clicked her tongue. “Well, now that you’re here, shall we?”

“Shall we…?”

“Glynda,” she chided, rolling her eyes. “Dinner, of course.”

IM LOSING MY MIND AAAAAAAAAAAAA THEY’RE LESBIANS HAROLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAROLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay. okay. this still isnt QUITE THE DATE CHAPTER BUT WE’RE RLY IN IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so scared that a whole chap has been saved for this meal because its going to be so long and charged w/ lesbian energy and its gonna kill me BUT OH WELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyway i loved it. the end.

#rwby #offal hunt #liveblog

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sassysharpshooter · 6 years

Text

OK SO HERE’S WHERE I’M AT TODAY

Hi I’m Hex and I’m transmasc.

Which normally is like.......cool. It’s great and sunny and warm and where I need to be because it’s who I am.

But I’ve been struggling the past few days. So I’m gonna gripe for a bit. Yeah, I have a vent blog, and yeah, I could use it, but my therapist says it’s healthier for me to share shit like this on a “trusted” public forum, or to people I know, so DRAMATIC ON MAIN it is. Sorry in advance. A CURRENT LIST OF HEX’S BIOLOGICAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL B U L L S H I T:

- My sex drive is back up. It’s been a while. Not sure if it’s because I’m weaning myself off of Zyprexa, or if it’s the time of year or what, but...it’s there. Which isn’t the worst! It feels good to want to be sexy again. What’s bad is that it’s ALMOST UNCEASINGLY EVERY FUCKING HOUR OF EVERY FUCKING DAY. I have itches to scratch, which leads to the next problem--

- I AM UNCOMFORTABLE WITH MY DICK. It’s there it’s small and I can’t do shit with it. It feels good to touch myself, and I do it often enough, but I just....I want something SUBSTANTIAL to make me feel like I actually have something between my legs that isn’t.........something else. I dream about having penetrative sex on a nearly daily basis and it makes cry upon waking when I know that I can’t. I have never had dysphoria this....vivid, ever, in my life. I know that if I go on T, I could...change this, somewhat, but......

- I’m not sure about HRT. It sounds good. But then I have to have the transition talk with my family, of which I only have one brother I know will be supportive. I’d have to go through puberty again, and I’m almost 30. Psychologically, I don’t know if I could do it. I’m still going to talk with my physician about it, because my therapist is sure he’d be willing to explore options with me, but I’m fucking terrified. I’m terrified that I’m too old. I’m terrified that my family and friends will reject me. I’m terrified that my body will change, but not in the way that I want it to. I’ll never, ever be able to afford top surgery, and my breasts are fucking gigantic and saggy and awful, which I would solve by binding, but it’s been fucking hot out and no matter what products I use, if I bind I sweat which gives me heat rash which makes me even uglier than I already am...there’s a reason I haven’t really been posting selfies lately...anyway I’m bringing it up to my doc next month when we meet about my meds and I’ve been warned in advance by my therapist that it’s hard as hell to get on T when you’re on tricare but.......idk I just want to know I have options and I’m not just trapped forever in this fucking body

- I still don’t have any fucking clue about how to explain being trans to my parents...I’ve posted some stuff about it on Facebook but I don’t think either of them really understands what it means

- Normally I’m a big fucking well of positivity and I’ve been trying to keep it together for myself and for the people around me, but I think I’m finally breaking down...the world is taking me apart piece by piece and I’m scared that nothing will be left soon and slowly I’m finding myself not caring about this process, and I hate this numbness...I want to be a beacon for others but right now I’m just a dull bulb. I want to be strong, and take care of my wife, and take care of myself, but hell, I can’t take care of a cactus right now

- Again it could just be med changes, or the fact that I’m fucking menstruating right now (which does wonders for the ol’ dysphoria LET ME TELL YA) that has me so distraught over all of this bullshit but I feel like I’m actually hitting my midlife crisis here

- Did I mention I’m fucking getting old? And what have I accomplished? I’m a fucking college dropout with no ambition. Yikes.

TL;DR: I’m a hideous dickless wonder who can’t keep smiling for everyone any more

ANYWAY.......back to shitposts and fandom bullshit lul..........not that anyone’s really gonna read this ha...haha...haaaaaaaaaaaa

peace

#A BIG OLD TMI WARNING #shut up hex

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obutsuwrites · 4 years

Text

confectionery kisses (fat gum x reader)

summary: “I know you’re enjoyin’ me, but -- uh -- can I kiss ya?” The alcohol hit him fully now; the hero too enumerated to be bashful. Steamie looked up and was greeted by lemon color eyes that held utter kindness. xxx lord forgive me bc this is so wholesome it killed me!!! but basically, bakery!au ft. meet-cute w/ drunken kissing shenanigans~! (well it's 1 kiss ok but it is what it is)

author note: i’m considering a part 2 that picks up where this leaves off, but w smut. if that’s sumthin anyone would b interested in, pls lmk~!

reader is nonbinary/afab!

word count: 2,130

my ao3 for more shitposts~!

my ko-fi~!

my inbox is open 4 requests :3c

Focused, flour caked hands kneaded the dough before them. The young baker too engrossed by the magic of dough to notice a soft chime sound through the shop. Customers weren’t uncommon for them. Steamie’s Bakery was a word-of-mouth local treasure. A bewitching pastry shop that had the best donuts, honest. Steamie -- as they prefer -- adored their neighbors praises. Steady streams of patrons in a ‘hot spot’ for criminal activity wasn’t exactly the best business decision. However, this run-down homestyle bakery -- and it’s holes -- were theirs.

Steamie hummed as they worked. Their mind was stuck within sugary confectionery.

“Hey… y’all open?” This man’s voice was gruff and carefree. A smile wrapped in his syllables.

Fat Gum stood within the tiny bakery. His form dwarfed the modest space; the edge of his hood scrapped against the ceiling as he waited for a response. The BMI Hero was surprised his lumbering footsteps hadn’t alerted the owner. Was it possible he had misread the sign? Work had drained him recently. Fat Gum had practically dragged himself to Steamie’s Bakery. Locals babbled constantly about the place, and he desired a quiet bite after hours. The quant business was one of the only eateries open at such an hour.

The abrupt sound whipped the enamored baker from their task. Warm eyes glanced up, irises bright and alive despite the time. “Hi. Yes! Yes, we are. I’m Steamie.” Their eyes met the giant man who stood awkwardly in front of a display. He looked so out of place, the man’s body bulbous and impossibly large. Steamie guessed by the man’s rather campy mask that he was an off-duty hero. A species of hero not seen often around their street. The area deemed too dangerous for such leisurely activity.

Truth be told, Steamie didn’t care about heroes. Or villains. The tall baker instead hyper focused upon baking. A hobby that morphed into a job. However, a small voice inside Steamie wanted to impress the man. He seemed so friendly and looked so… cuddly. Like a sentient teddy bear. A man composed of pillows and kindness.

Fat Gum furrowed his brows. The BMI Hero seemed to be in deep thought over exactly which eclair to buy. He had never seen so many flavors before. Strawberry, blueberry, cherry, watermelon. Every flavor sounded as delicious as the last. Pink tongue darted out between his lips and teeth. A sugar overload was tempting. Simple black coffee wouldn’t cure this sluggy fog. Besides, he had burned away precious fat today. It was a treat.

“Steamie? Does your quirk help with your work?” Fat Gum asked, as he scanned the pastries. He noticed their designs now. Soft and lacy intricate artwork that intertwined on each eclair; each pattern unique and perfectly executed. Every baked good was a labor of love.

A snort escaped Steamie; the sound high pitched and hearty.

“I wish. No, I just emit a puff of steam. I’m basically a glorified dehumidifier.” Steamie brushed flour decorated hands against their apron. The young baker was keen to serve the hero. Hero culture wasn’t an interest of theirs, but the physical embodiment of a pillow was too enticing for the baker. They wondered what exactly their job was. ‘Due to his size… maybe rescue?’

It was now Fat Gum’s turn to laugh. Rumbly and soft. “I don’t do rescue. Say, uh, how much are these eclairs?”

Rambling out loud was habitual for them. Their thoughts grew legs of their own and walked out into tangible space. They were immune to the embarrassment of it, instead accepting their odd trait.

Steamie slapped a dusty hand to their forehead. “I don’t have price tags..?” The sentence was in limbo between a question and an answer. They had rearranged the shop recently. Changing pastry stock required innovation. The elclairs before Fat Gum had been a stroke of late night genius. Birthed from the desire for a gooey center and intricate lace. A happy medium for the proud baker.

The baker quickly stepped behind the counter, dust flew from their hands. Diligent hands eventually found a leftover tag and wrote down a price. Patrons caused Steamie to envelope themselves into baking. Most days, flour and powdered sugar felt impossible to wash off. Almost like a second skin; signs of their success.

Steamie beckoned Fat Gum to the counter. The BMI Hero obliged; pep in his gait.

“Here. Don’t go thinking you’re getting a discount!” Steamie’s laugh echoed in the bakery as they handed the hero price tags. Fat Gum could swear the baker’s body vibrated from the sound. “I’ve been busy lately. Cakes and pies don’t sell themselves.”

The hero’s smile grew like marigolds; fast and vibrant. Steamie didn’t mind looking at this hero. His posture was proud, but hid something. A mystery Steamie couldn’t quite figure out. ‘Kinda interesting…’

“What’s interesting?” Fat Gum asked, the giant of a man still enamored by pastries.

“You know my quirk; what’s yours? It’s probably super interesting.”

The hero’s face contorted into a mix of confusion and admiration. ‘Does she not know who I am?’ “My quirk is fat absorption. I don’t usually look like this!” A laugh erupted from the man. His notoriety meant everyone knew of his quirk. The banter was refreshing. Fat Gum enjoyed the naivety of the baker.

Their conversation died down as Fat Gum perused baked goods. Steamie wandered back to their original post. They almost forgot the hero was in the shop. Heavy footsteps dissolved any fantasy of peace and quiet. Little moments of serenity were scarce, but nightfall brought the quiet Steamie craved. A meager smile etched into the corners of the baker’s mouth. They hummed as they worked; now fully absorbed in kneading dough.

“Hey,” the hero’s gruff voice broke the silence between them, “hope it’s not too much trouble, but I’m ready to be rung up!” His words carried an airiness to them; like cotton candy. Steamie wondered if this was a natural state for Fat Gum.

Steamie nodded, again wiping their hands on their apron. Dusty fingers worked at the register and completed the transaction between the two.

Fat Gum stopped short of the door and turned to the baker still stationed at the counter. “What’s your name?” He asked with childish curiosity, as if Steamie’s name was a mystery.

“Like I said, I’m Steamie,” they replied, eyeing the hero. It wasn’t uncommon for locals to ask what their real name was, but as far as Steamie cared, Steamie was their name. An abstract, genderless name that suited them.

Fat Gum laughed, a hearty sound that echoed through the empty bakery. Steamie swore display cases shook. Almost reminiscent of thunder. “No, uh, your… Your real name, unless you prefer Steamie. It’s cute.” A tint of red dotted his cheeks, unable to hide the embarrassment that painted his face. He didn’t intend to tell the baker; the compliment had slipped past him.

“Steamie is who I am. Is Fat Gum not who you are?” They chose to ignore the comment, it was muttered anyway, as if the hero was embarrassed. It was polite to not intimate customers.

“Toyomitsu,” the hero said and pointed to his chest; a smile stretched across his face.

“It was nice to meet you, Toyomitsu.”

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Fat Gum -- or Toyomitsu as he preferred -- was absent from the shop, until several weeks after their first meeting.

It was closing time and Steamie was locking up. Despite their dingy location, the baker only carried two keys; one to lock up and the other to unlock their apartment. There were better things to steal than confectionery.

“Long time no see, huh, Steamie?”

The thunderous voice obviously belonged to Toyomitsu; unique and hearty.

The baker flinched at the sudden noise and swiftly turned to the BMI Hero. His face was no longer taunt and long, but instead, squishy and soft. Chubby cheeks that were made for pinching and a soft, bulbous belly. The man before them sounded like Toyomitsu, but his hefty frame was the opposite of the hero Steamie met.

“You’re… Toyomitsu, right?” Remembering names wasn’t one of Steamie’s strong suits.

A light blush crept across Toyomitsu’s face, ending at the tips of his ears. “That’s me! Kinda surprised you remembered, it’s been awhile.”

Steamie nodded and finished to lock the door, pocketing their key.

“I was wondering,” Toyomitsu began, “if you wanted to get a bite. It’d be my treat!” The hero’s tone was excited, like a child asking for a sweet. ‘He’s so enduring like this… reminds me of a teddy bear.’ Steamie’s lips curled into a petite smile. A secret between friends.

In truth, Toyomitsu wanted more than a dinner date, but any meaningful relationship is built on friendship. At least that’s the advice he offered to Red Riot. The pro hero wanted to kiss the baker and pinch their cheeks; all while cooing at them.

“No thanks, I’m exhausted from today,” Steamie replied. They saw Toyomitsu’s wide grin falter and felt a pang in their chest. ‘His face is just too cute!’ “Actually, I don’t live far from here, and I have some left-over pastries. They don’t sell like my eclairs.” Anything Steamie baked was delicious, Toyomitsu decided.

“Sure!” He eagerly replied. A grin encompassed his face as the couple walked towards the baker’s apartment.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

The BMI hero sat across Steamie as the baker dove into another work related story. He adored the spark in their eyes, like tiny sprinkles decorating a vibrant treat. A treat he wanted to admire and cherish. Watching Steamie become animated while they talked caused Toyomitsu’s heart to quiver against his ribcage.

Steamie -- to their credit -- truly opened up after several cups of wine; slurring and excited. Their thoughts were no longer accidental blurbs, but drunken fragments.

“...an’ that’s why I don’ keep sugar an’ flour!”

Toyomitsu nodded, tufts of blond feathered around his forehead.

“Wanna touch your cheeks, can I?” The baker asked, their voice small and childlike. This was the first sentence that wasn’t a slurred mess, and yet, Toyomitsu still felt heat bloom in his cheeks.

Gently, Toyomitsu brought their small hand -- that his own dwarfed -- against his cheek. The baker’s touch was warm, like fresh baked bread. Without realizing, the hero nuzzled into Steamie’s palm.

‘So soft…’

“Yeah, you are.” The alcohol had made Toyomitsu brave, lion hearted and flustered.

Pink sprinkled across Steamie’s face as they withdrew their hand and buried their face within their palms. “Sorry,” the baker slurred, “you… You look so ‘oft.”

Toyomitsu chuckled at the mumbled apology. “S’ok, you’re cute.”

Steamie let out a soft gasp, “Cute? Dunno ‘bout that! But I think your cheeks…” They weren’t accustomed to compliments, especially compliments from a teddy bear. ‘Wanna bury myself in his chest.’

“You can.”

Steamie’s face was uncovered and ever red, the baker unable to justify hiding the inferno that burned into their cheeks.

The baker devolved into a red and squealing mess; unable to form coherent sentences, like little pieces of creamy confectionery. The pro hero wondered what their plush lips felt like pressed up against his… They looked so small, so delicate. A treasure he wanted to covet. The hero’s large, calloused finger reached up and quickly swiped across the supple flesh. ‘Like a flower petal,’ Toyomitsu thought.

The baker drifted into Toyomitsu’s lap; scorching and far too big for their frame. “Ya smell ‘ice,” Steamie mumbled and buried their face into the gigantic man’s chest. Fluffy and cozy, like a pillow. “Like a pillow!” Steamie couldn’t help the outburst. Toyomitsu wasn’t a man, but a plushie they wanted to bury themselves in. He was velvety and felt like home. The baker inhaled his scent, trying to memorize the floral notes of his laundry soap. Vanilla and honeysuckle.

Toyomitsu petted their hair, running his fingers through long strands. Even their hair was soft. Steamie was a squishy marshmallow he wanted to keep. He wrapped an arm around their small body, hyper aware of their delicate structure. Warm hands began to rub Steamie’s back as they nuzzled against Toyomitsu’s sweatshirt. ‘Feels like a hug.’

“I know you’re enjoyin’ me, but -- uh -- can I kiss ya?” The alcohol hit him fully now; the hero too enumerated to be bashful. Steamie looked up and was greeted by lemon color eyes that held utter kindness.

Their tongue refused to cooperate, the baker only able to produce a curt nod. Their face was a blazing wildfire, a vibrant array of pinks and rogues.

Slowly, Toyomitsu pressed his chapped lips against the baker’s mouth. The kiss was slow and sloppy, neither party capable of coordinated motion. Toyomitsu brushed his tongue along their lips and tasted sugar. His mind was clouded with lewd thoughts of the baker as he finally broke the kiss; greedy lungs heaving -- desperate for air.

“Ya taste good, wonder what this tastes like,” the pro hero pondered. His hand gently palming between their thighs.

#Taishiro Toyomitsu x reader #fat gum x reader #bnha #fluff #wholesome #Bakery!AU

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