#so i might delete it when i wake up and suddenly hate it

[strawberryspence]

Eddie,

Dear Eddie,

Eddie fucking Munson,

Yeah. Hello. It's me. Steve Harrington.

Jesus. This is so weird.

Max just got out of the hospital today. It's surreal to think that it's been six months since Spring Break and she's only getting out today. The doctors said there's gonna be a long road ahead of her but that's okay, right? What's important is that there's a road ahead of her.

Anyway, the day Max got Vekna-ed Vecna-ed (Dustin just corrected my spelling. I think Vekna sounds better.), she wrote us letters. Just in case she… bites the dust. When she woke up, she told us we could read it if we wanted. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I burned it the moment she woke up. She told me (Just me specifically) that I should try it. When I asked who I should write to, she smiled and started humming a Metallica song. Which is fucking wild that I even knew that she was humming Disposable Heroes.

Robin told me I wasn’t good at dealing with my grief. That instead of letting the wound heal, I just let it scab and hurt. Which— I hate the word grief. Because I hate grief, you know?

You don’t know this, but Barbara Holland died in my backyard and Nancy… Nancy still mourns her to this day. I don’t think she’ll ever stop mourning her. A few months back, we talked. Dude, I know what you’re going to say and No, we are not getting back together. I let her smash bottles of beer in my empty pool. We cried and screamed until we were both exhausted. I asked her this question that’s been running through my mind for months now.

What the hell is grief?

Nancy smiled at me. She told me that she had a hard time trying to learn what grief is, that at first she thought it was anger and disappointment and hatred. But she told me (after a few minutes because Nancy also loves dramatic pauses. I think you guys have that in common), that it’s actually just love. Just love. With no place else to go.

And you know what? Fuck that. She’s the smartest person I know but she was wrong. Fuck that.

This grief I have for you, it can’t be love right? How could I love someone I barely even knew? It’s nothing but disappointment that I couldn’t have done more. It’s nothing but pure fucking rage that you didn’t fucking listen to me when I told you to run. It’s nothing but hatred from the fact that you did this when you could’ve lived.

I don’t care if you felt like a coward. You should’ve been a coward because at least you would still be alive. I wouldn’t be writing this letter if you were alive.

I hate you. I goddamn fucking hate you for every decision you’ve made that night.

But Eddie…

Eddie, I need you to get up and tell me what to do. I am begging you to get up and tell me what to do. I don’t care how you do it, just do it. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do without you. Which is fucking ridiculous, because I didn’t know you. But I need you here. Right now.

We’re done with the Upside Down forever. We’re done with it. Everyone’s moving on, moving forward. And I… I still sleep with your vest. How could I be sad over something I never even had in the first place?

Robin’s giving me weird looks. She’s telling me that I could talk to her about anything. I know. I know I can. But I wanted you to be the first to know. Apparently, I am gay. Maybe half gay because I like both. Fucking Eddie Munson, you’re dead and you’re still giving me a sexuality crisis.

I think… I think I am mourning the fact that we could’ve been friends, and if I am being delusional, maybe even more. Dustin won’t stop talking about you these days. I think it’s his way of keeping you alive. If I’m being honest, I hate it. Because I am falling in love with a memory.

I… I miss you. I wish there was a way I could send this to wherever you are, so you could write back and tell me that it’s going to be okay. That someday I would forgive myself for everything I did and did not do, that someday it wouldn’t hurt this much anymore.

Max was right. I’ll write more in the future.

I wish you were here.

Sincerely,

Yours,

Fuck you,

Steve Harrington.

06/13/86

—

Steve laughs as he carefully closes the old letter— stained with tears and age, some crumpling and tearing on the edges— and slips it back to the envelope. The envelope is yellow at the edges, showing its true age.

“God, I was so mad.” Steve says, his hand finding the cold headstone. His fingers tracing the name inscribed on the marble. After a few years, after the town of Hawkins eventually forgot everything, the Party got Eddie a headstone in the cemetery. It’s a funeral ten years too late, but it brought closure to everyone that needed it. Wayne, included.

“You want me to read my newest letter?” Steve asks the empty space. Steve takes the newer envelope from the picnic basket he packed, opening it carefully and taking a deep breath.

“Dearest Eddie,” Steve smiles at the stone. He thinks of Eddie, the only image he always conjures when he misses him. He thinks of Eddie, hair wet and face grimy from having fought bats for a person he barely knew. He thinks back to that Eddie, big brown eyes and teasing smile.

He looks down at the letter and continues reading, “I am writing this letter before I go visit you. Spring has been good to us. I’ve been trying to plant more and I think it’s going great. Dustin’s been bugging me to get some exercise. Can you believe that? He said it’ll be good for my old bones. Or some shit like that. He’s still a disrespectful little shit. I do find joy over the fact that Edward is a jock. Dustin Henderson? Has a jock kid? It’s the best thing in my life. El loves joking about it. We’re just thankful the kid doesn't have powers.”

“The Byers-Wheelers are doing pretty good too. Will sent us this really funny picture of Mike in a tutu as the twins practice beside him. It feels like only yesterday Will came out to Robin and me. You remember that right? I think I wrote it in one of my letters. Will still tells me that you and him could’ve been really good friends, and I believe him.”

“The Sinclairs are planning to travel across the country this Summer. We did have a few laughs when the “Winnebago” dream came up. Elena’s going through a rebellious teenage phase, and I just think it’s funny that she stole their car to drive to me. She really is her mother’s daughter.”

“As for Argyle and Jon, last I heard they were in Montana. They’ll come back down for the holidays, but they live their lives on the down low. Aside from Jon’s very active instagram account, they do write through emails. Robin and Nance are in Europe right now. They wanted me to come, but you know I can’t leave Arwen. She could be forty and married, and I’d still stay by her side. She has this concert coming up, and I want to stay and make sure it goes well.”

“I still think it’s funny that I adopted her at a random adoption office, because it still feels like she chose me rather than I chose her. Sometimes, I still let myself be delusional. If I squint hard enough, I could see it. With the way she plays the guitar, or the way she talks nerdy with her uncles. It’s like you were right there when she was growing up, right there beside me, helping raise her. Now that Arwen’s older, she understands it now. Why I never got married.”

“It’s been 36 years since you left. It doesn’t feel that long ago. I know you know this already, but sometimes I still reach out for your vest at night. It doesn’t smell like you anymore, not at all. I still remember it though. Like cigarettes and weed and the damn forest. Sometimes I’ll get a random whiff of something similar in public, something remotely close, and I’ll smile. Because I just know that’s you, being a creep and checking in on us.”

“In the hundreds of letters I’ve written in the last few years, I don’t think I’ve ever said it.”

Steve chokes as he reads the next few lines, “I think I’ll be okay, Eddie. I am sorry it took me this long to say it, but I hope you’re resting well now. I think we’ll meet again in a few more years, maybe another 20? What’s another 20, right? I can wait. When we meet again, we can spend an eternity together if you’ll have me. We’ll do everything we want to do. Just… wait for me, okay, Eds?”

“I’ll be back soon. Love always, Steve.” Steve slowly closes the letter, slipping it back to the envelope.

Steve sits in silence. Just listening to the birds chirp, just basking in the sunlight.

“Dad!” Steve turns to see Arwen climbing the hills, waving her hands as she jogs over to him.

“Hi, peanut.” He greets her when she’s finally close enough.

“Hi. I am sorry to interrupt.” She looks at the headstone with pain before turning to him, “Are you almost done? We have to be back to Indianapolis by four.”

“Yeah, I think I am done. I can come back some other time.”

Arwen helps him up, his knees creaking with age, “Give us a few more minutes, hm? I’ll follow you.”

Arwen nods, smiling before turning to the grave, patting it gently like it’s an actual person, “I promise to visit some other time, Eddie. I’ll play you this new song I’m writing.” She kisses Steve’s cheeks before running back to the car.

“I wish I could stay longer. But she’s got that concert thing. There won’t be an actual concert if she’s not there.” Steve chuckles.

“See you later, Eds.” Steve lifts kisses his fingertips before pressing it on the headstone.

The trees shake with a gust of wind. He smiles, letting his eyes flutter shut as he feels the wind against his skin.

Steve opens his eyes, waving at the headstone one last time.

Edward Joseph Munson

1965 - 1986

All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.

[scoutswritingcorner]

Hello, i have noticed the lack of love for my girls, Charlie and Vaggie, could you do a Charlie x Reader x Vaggie? OT3?

Love Triangle? No, Love Circle.

Chaggie x GN!Reader

A/N: Before anyone jumps down my esophagus to yell at me about the character’s sexuality. I know Vaggie’s canonically a lesbian and Charlie is bisexual, I know. Don’t send hate or anything cause I will delete that shit, I don’t have time for it. Alright with that out of the way. LET'S JUMP IN!! I also made headcanons- If you want a fic I will definitely write one, I just kinda dumped my brain on this.

TW: A little nsfw at the end I’m sorry (not really I need more)

-🎀 First off let me say, these girls love you in every way imaginable but they show it in different ways. Charlie shows it by hugs and kisses between work to constantly profess her love to you and Vaggie so all of hell could listen. Vaggie shows her love in more simple acts like getting you food or dragging you away from work if she sees you working too hard. 

-👑 Both women are very very protective of you as well, now that’s not say they won’t go overboard if you get caught in the line of fire from the random villain of the day. Both have different ways of trying to get you out of trouble but will immediately come to your defense if they dare try to lay a hand on you. Charlie tries to get the situation to settle down while Vaggie locates every exit there to get you out as fast as she can if it goes south.

-🎀 Don’t get me started on if you surprise them both with a date, day off or just a simple random kiss. Both of them get extremely flustered when this happens, it’s amazing to see it happen. Don’t worry though both ladies will get you back in some fashion just keep an eye out.

Going off of the kiss idea? You gotta know when to strike to really catch one or both off guard. Charlie is by far the easiest to catch off guard, she’s just so busy and her mind is everywhere all at once it gets too much sometimes so you walking up to her and bringing her into a gentle but sweet kiss gets all the stress out. Of course she’s gonna let out a soft squeak and get all blushy but she almost always melts into the kiss immediately. This is just a headcanon of mine but she definitely stims by tapping her hooves on the ground to show how happy or excited she is. (GIVE ME MORE GOAT LIKE CHARLIE CONTENT PLEASE)

Vaggie is somewhat harder to surprise, she’s trained to immediately notice when someone is trying to sneak up on her or when something is out of place. She can’t help it and sometimes she wishes she didn’t really have to be this extra vigilant, but to really surprise her and get her flustered. Don’t be sneaky at all cause once again she will immediately and unapologetically point it out. So your best bet? Just walk up to her and kiss her cheek or on her lips. She won’t see it coming at all, she’ll get all red in the face and flustered beyond belief that her wings might just pop out.

-👑 Now if you work at the hotel with them Charlie will most likely try to help lighten your workload (please tell her your okay, baby stresses enough as is). Vaggie will help in some way or form whilst making sure Charlie isn’t overworking herself. Oh you need more paper? Don’t worry she’s running to get more. Something or someone is getting on your nerves? She’s pulling you away to do something else or she’s scaring the other person away.

-🎀 If you don’t work at the hotel and you keep coming back stressed as ever? Don’t worry your pretty little head, they will pamper you all night and the next morning? Your boss is suddenly giving you a pay raise AND the next four weeks off. 

-👑 If you are an early bird that tends to wake up at or a little after the crack of dawn? Good luck getting out of bed. Charlie is a cuddler and will not let you out so easily, Vaggie in my mind is a light sleeper so she wakes up to give you a gentle kiss before immediately falling back asleep head on Charlie’s chest. Double the points if you cook them breakfast when they wake up, you won’t escape their barrage of kisses.

-🎀 They both will allow you to steal some of their clothes and will steal your clothes in return. It’s a win-win situation. 

Charlie is canonically tall, like 6 foot something now- if you're taller than her she is wearing any hoodies or sweatpants of yours there is no discussion here. It will happen. But if you are shorter than her which is most likely she will happily let you and Vaggie steal her sweatshirts/hoodie/jackets.

Vaggie on the other hand is short like 5’5 (me too girl wtf-) or 5’7 so if you're taller than her? She’s stealing your clothes too but she’s much sneakier than Charlie. But if you're shorter or the same height as her she’ll allow you to steal her clothes as well but please don’t keep them for a week straight. She has a routine of doing all three of your guys' laundry and she doesn’t want to miss cleaning certain clothes you and Charlie steal.

-👑omg let me tell you- these girls love to pamper the shit out of you but if you return it? They will fall more in love with you. Massaging Vaggie’s back after a rough day or maybe helping her preen her wings. Washing Charlie’s hair or maybe rubbing where her horns are at as she lays between your legs and rants about whatever had her upset that day or if we are going down the path where Charlie has more goat like features (pls someone- I want to talk about this) just helping trimming her hooves. Girl needs to be extra pampered with her lovers after the shit she has to put up with day to day.

A little nsfw that’s popping in my mind- MINORS GO AWAY

-🎀OH BOY- Wearing something that fits your curves just right or something that’s a little showy gets both of them flustered and ready to drag you somewhere else. Charlie (bless her soul) tries to respectfully look away but you can catch how her gaze keeps drifting back to you and Vaggie? She’s looking respectfully and she’s not hiding it either.

-👑 Tease them all day long and they will not allow you to walk in the morning or the next few days. So…use caution when teasing The Princess of Hell and an ex-exorcist. They love you but they won’t go easy on you.

-🎀 Overall 20/10 relationship, may have some rough patches but they love you and will 100% talk everything out.

[peanutpinet]

Taking Care What Is Mine - Idol! Jaehyun x Staff! Fem Reader

[8:22 am] - waking up to the early beautiful morning in Milan, Jaehyun stretched his arm and ruffled his own hair as he noticed the adorable young woman next to him who was wearing his sanrio pyjamas and still fast asleep, slightly drowning under the heavy bed covers.

Smiling to himself, Jaehyun felt that he was very lucky that the confession the other night went very well and that he finally got the girl he had been chasing and pinning on for a year. That he can finally call her his just as much as he is hers.

Smiling contently, Jaehyun turned and put his weight on his left arm as he watched his girl sleep soundly. Careful, Jaehyun gently stroked (y/n)’s hair as she slowly eased into his touch which warmed Jaehyun’s heart.

Crouching down slightly, Jaehyun softly whispered to (y/n) that he was going to go to the gym just for a while. “Hey peach, you might be off in dreamland and I might still not be back by the time you wake up but know that I’m only going to the gym for a bit. You told me how you hate seeing me overwork myself and eating less so I’m trying to be better for you okay? I promise I’ll eat a big breakfast with you by the time you wake up”

After changing into his gym wear, Jaehyun went over to (y/n) and softly kissed her forehead. “I’ll be back peach, I promise” Jaehyun mumbled, leaving his new girlfriend to sleep in his bed as he left to the gym

Sometime after Jaehyun left, (y/n) finally woke up from her slumber and stretched for a bit before checking her phone which was filled with messages ranging from the other nct staff, some of the neos, her mom and especially from Jaehyun who looked to message her every 10-15 minutes.

Attachment picture of Jaehyun at the hotel’s gym

“Morning peach, are you awake yet? I’m already at the gym”

“I promise that I’m only doing some light workout because you don’t like it when I over workout”

*Attachment picture of Jaehyun by the benchpress*

“Hi peach, hope you have a good night's rest. I hope that last night was as magical for you as it was for me”

*Attachment picture of Jaehyun with Jeno*

“Jeno came to the gym as well. Hope you don’t mind me staying out a bit longer. I’m ordering breakfast room service for us. It should arrive within 30 minutes which is when I’m done”

Giggling to herself, (y/n) replied to all of Jaehyun’s messages and how she too was grateful for the other night and how she told Jaehyun that it’s alright to take his time and she was just going to freshen up which she told Jaehyun beforehand that she was going to borrow his bathroom and some toiletries and Jaehyun was more than okay with her using his things.

As (y/n) was in the bathroom, freshening up and using the toilet, she suddenly heard the door to the room open and before she was about to call out, she heard a fairly high-pitched voice. Despite the voice being mumbled, (y/n) clearly could tell that it wasn’t Jaehyun nor any other SM/NCT staff.

Worried, (y/n), decided to call Jaehyun but kept his end of the phone call at the lowest setting possible so that whoever broke into the room wouldn’t notice anything. Despite being nervous, (y/n) knew that she had to do something, otherwise, this situation and Jaehyun’s reputation could get worse.

Slowly going out of the bathroom, (y/n) quietly crept up on the person who broke into Jaehyun’s room and when she saw who it was, she was both surprised but not at the same time because it was none other than the infamous sasaeng, Skyla.

Without thinking much, (y/n) confronted Skyla and told her that this could all end in a much civil way if she were to stop the recording and delete everything that she recorded or captured. But being the sasaeng she is only saw (y/n) as something she wants to capture and expose even more.

Noticing that Skyla has no intention on backing down, (y/n) did the only thing that she could and was to fight back. Within seconds, (y/n) launched herself at Skyla, making Skyla drop her phone and (y/n) instantly kicked the phone away before going back to fighting her.

On the other end, when Jaehyun received (y/n)’s phone call from a different voice on the other end of the line, he knew something was wrong. Regardless of what was happening, Jaehyun told his manager to get the security guards and meet on their floor.

Rushing back to his floor with Jeno, Jaehyun’s wasted no time in barging into his room without his security because he didn’t want to waste any more time leaving (y/n) alone with some creep.

Inside his room, Jaehyun instantly pulled whoever he saw that wasn’t (y/n) before seeing (y/n) on the ground, some blood was flowing from her head and on the wall close to her. Observing the room around him, Jaehyun knew what happened.

“I really thought you couldn’t get any worse than this” Jaehyun growled, getting up and turning to see Skyla who was in fear for the first time in her life

“You wanted information? Let me give you something newsworthy then. You’re going to get famous, for sure. But in the wrong way possible. And I’m going to make sure that whatever news regarding me and my relationship is out in the public, I will find and release every disgusting behaviour that you have done to the point that every single person who knows K-pop, regardless if they’re a fan or not, would know who you are and what you’ve done. I’ll make sure that the news about you as a person and obsessive stalker will be the first thing everyone finds when they search for anything K-pop related. To the point that whatever rumour of an idol will be drowned by you. I will make sure that you serve your time behind bars for as long as possible. I will make sure that you will never get accepted anywhere for education or work because of what you’ve done” Jaehyun threatened, cornering Skyla as he lightly choked her when threatening

“Jaehyun!” Doyoung’s voice was ringing in the room as he, their manager and security came to take Skyla

“Hyung, let’s get (y/n) to be treated before her condition gets worse” Jeno mentioned, carrying (y/n) in his arms as the security secured Skyla and the specialists were investigating the scene

“I hope you get one more chance to say what you want to say to your little obsessive friends because I will make sure that I and other idols will be able to take legal action and punish you all for the trauma that you have put us all through” Jaehyun snapped as the security brought a now depressed Skyla out of the room.

By the time (y/n) woke up, she was already in the VIP hospital room. Noticing her slowly getting up, Jaehyun rushed to help her sit up and get her something to eat and drink before they actually talked.

“Are you alright? I’m so sorry that you got hurt” Jaehyun mentioned

“It wasn’t your fault Jaehyun. You didn’t know. None of us knew that she would be here” (y/n) replied, placing her hand on Jaehyun’s cheek, softly caressing it as Jaehyun grabbed her hand and kissed it

“I know. But I’m still sorry. You don’t deserve to get hurt; especially like this. I promised you that I would protect you from any kind of harm that might come from dating me” Jaehyun uttered, his eyes were slightly watery and soft after seeing (y/n)’s state

“I’m okay Jae. I’m alive and I’m here with you. Just make it up to me by not hurting yourself and taking care of me?” (y/n) requested, making Jaehyun smile again

“Always. I will always take care of you because you’re mine” Jaehyun replied, softly bumping his head on (y/n)’s as their noses touch each other

A/N: hi guys. Just thought I drop by to write this little fic because the idea just popped into my head the other day and it's a very quick one. I just felt the need to write something since it's been a while and I have just resigned so hopefully, I am able to write a bit more as I try to figure out the next step of my life. I hope that you all stay happy and healthy :) xoxo pinet

[pear1escence]

I miss what you’d do to me

Keegan P. Russ x Reader

Content Warnings: angry man idk

Might be a little messy cause the original draft with this fic got deleted yesterday and suddenly came up on my blog again so I’m just trying to fit some of it into what I’ve rewritten.

He’s a piece of shit in this, oops. (not really tbh) 1k+ words

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Keegan’s hands force the glass of water out of your grip, slamming it down on the kitchen counter. “I’m trying to talk this out, can you just fucking listen to me?!” He yells, hands waving around him to try and further express his anger.

He’s scary like this. You’ve never seen him in this state before. The way his body language gets more aggressive, his voice raw with frustration. “You’re so fucking frustrating, telling me you miss me when I’m gone and ignoring me when I’m home? Huh? Why the fuck do you act like this?!” His fist slams down on the counter, punctuating his words.

The anger is so familiar it hurts. Harsh, raw voices tearing at you and hate so burning hot you’re sure it’ll bruise. That scary, tall figure of a man towering over you. Fear, straight fear of what could happen to you if you didn’t keep your mouth shut and your eyes on the floor.

His words are spoken in a different language, the only thing you register is how jarringly hateful he feels. How scared you are. How it seems like at any moment, he could pick up that cup and throw it at you, or kick you to the floor, or do something, anything to hurt you.

Keegan’s warmth all around you when you wake up, too direct and unexpected. Confused, hurt glances when you refuse to stay, slow, aimless walks during the evenings, cold dinner and missed calls. Your pit of loneliness filled with adoration so suddenly that you have to pull away.

Your mind is a fucking mess, thoughts and emotions dragging around in a swirl of words and images you can’t possibly put to words. Keegan’s only making it worse, and you can’t bear to feel like you did before once again, and everything your mind has fought to keep away is forcing itself back into your body, so you have to slip away from yourself to make room for it.

Your body curls in on itself. Your eyes staring intently at the floor to avoid looking at him, and your arms wrap around your body and squeeze as hard as you can to try to make everything real again.

‘Look at me when I’m speaking to you.’

He’d said that to you when he was angry. You remember the way he got angrier when you wouldn’t look at him.

You force your eyes to move back to Keegan, even though his seemingly unstopping anger only makes it harder to tear your memories away.

It’s all so fucking unfair. You don’t want to have all this shit to deal with. He’s long gone. Out of your life, yet all the anger he’d thrown at you all those times still lingers in your mind.

Keegan’s love feels foreign. Kisses all over your face, a warm body wrapped around you as if to shield you from all the bad in the world, sickeningly sweet words coated a thousand times in love being whispered into your ear. You have no idea what you’re supposed to do with it. What you’re supposed to give him in return. It’s all wrong.

It’s weirdly comforting. The way he’s yelling at you. You’ve had it before, and you know how to navigate something like this. Keeping yourself out of the way, not being a bother, shutting the fuck up. You can’t feel guilty when Keegan’s an asshole, when he’s a piece of shit, cause if he’s not perfect all the way through and too good for you, you don’t have to be perfect either, and you don’t need to feel bad about pulling away and distancing yourself.

You almost forget any of this is even happening. It’s all gray and lifeless and fucking dead. There’s a bubble around you, keeping you separated from your emotions and making it impossible to explain anything to him. Keegan’s outside the bubble, his words are muffled and it’s like you’re underwater. His hands keep moving around, and he keeps shouting. Your body feels stiff and awkward. You can’t open your mouth, can’t dig a single word out of your throat to explain why you are the way you are.

“Did I do anything wrong? Anything for you to treat me like this? You’ve gotta tell me about these things, we’ve talked about it before but you keep fucking repeating this behaviour!” You hate the way he’s scolding you and you want to scream at him to stop, to get out, to shut up or just about anything to get rid of the ugly feeling in your stomach.

Keegan stops, his jaw clenched and his fists squeezed tight. He looks at you with so much anger, confusion and frustration you feel like you’re about to vomit. Something inside you finally breaks when his hand slams down on the counter again, harder than before, the sound deafened by the curse he shouts in frustration.

It’s like you slam back into your body, and you’re suddenly confronted with the trauma, the hopelessness, the shame you’ve been pushing away for years, and you have absolutely no possible way of keeping yourself together.

You’re so far from being in control of your body it scares you, sobs and tears pouring out of you while you can’t do anything other than feel the mess of emotions stirring at a furious speed inside you. Your legs give out, so you’re limply tucked into the corner where the kitchen counter meets the refrigerator. Metal handles dig into your skin, everything is too much and you can’t live like this.

You cry harder when Keegan’s arms wrap around your body, he lowers himself to the ground till he’s sitting next to you, pulls you into his lap and turns your body so you’re facing him. His words are unintelligible, but his tone is so different from the harshness and hate he’d thrown at you less than a minute ago. His big hand weaves itself into your hair and guides your face into the crook of his neck, his other arm wrapping around your body and shielding you from anything else.

Warm skin against cold fingertips, a mess of hair tickling your forehead, his lips pressing kisses to your head again and again. This is all wrong, it feels wrong, and you want him to yell at you again, you want to see him angry at you cause you deserve it for treating him like shit. You want the hate in his eyes to hurt you, selfishly, so fucking selfishly, because it’s the only thing you know and the only thing that would make you feel better about yourself.

You know the chaotic anger he showed, and it felt good because everything else about Keegan feels foreign. The warmth that comes with his touch and his gentle, sweet words, things you can’t force yourself to accept.

His fingers massage your scalp as he rocks you back and forth on his lap. “I’m sorry. Im so fucking sorry, I’m sorry.” He murmurs, his voice back to what you know, comforting, familiar because it’s all him, all Keegan.

He keeps rocking your body back and forth in his lap, talking to you softly, stroking your hair, and it feels good to be taken care of like this. To be treated like a baby, like you don’t have any responsibilities or problems.

You don’t look at him. When he begs you to look at him you shake your head, pushing yourself even closer. He talks but you don’t listen, whatever comfort he wants to give you is mirrored through the deep murmur of his voice, which is comforting enough to listen to on its own. You want to melt into him, stay with him forever, never have to talk. He’s all warm. You cry till your breath runs short and your throat feels hoarse, you cry until you’ve cried out all your years.

“It just feels so different. Like, foreign. The way you treat me.” You whisper against his skin, your hands slipping underneath his shirt to grip at his bare skin, feel that he’s real and human and here with you. “I don’t know what to do with it. I feel like such a fucking-“ your breath hitches, your words interrupted by another sob forcing its way up your throat. He holds you tighter and you’re practically buried inside him, your hands squeeze at the skin on his back.

He shushes you, kisses the hair that falls over your forehead. His hand moves to cup your cheek, lifting your face so that he can see your tearful, red eyes. “I’m sorry.” His thumb moves across your cheek in repeating motions. “I know all this is hard for you, I’m just..” his breath hitches, and his hand squeezes the chubby skin of your cheek. “Don’t let me yell at you like that again, never.”

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

If you enjoyed this check out my other Keegan fics, I have a bunch😭😭 all in my pinned!!

[mrs-monaghan]

I been saying this. JK is large, but JM is in charge, but JK is defiant to both the company and even JM, sometimes. For the most part JK will listen to JM, but when JK gets a wild hair up his ass, he starts breathing down JM and the company's neck. Look how he spammed Jimin's recent live. He left 18 or 19 comments on there. And he wasn't asking if he could come to a taping, he was telling JM he wanted to go. He said I'm tired of sitting on the sidelines quietly. You think he can't tell JM hppy bday in private and normally? Nah he had to be extra, man went and showered, put on his best shirt, cologne, fluffed his hair & his slut glasses, took a whole minute teasing his man, before whispering happy bday, BRO with that smirk. The sarcasm that was dripping out of that BRO & that smirk. JM isn't his bro, no matter how badly at times JM makes it seem that way, cause he's older and tries to respect rules. He will run and call JK his dongsaeng, but then suddenly turn around and say JK is more then his dongsaeng. Yeah, we know he is & calling him that doesn't work like you think, when he's sending you thirst traps and making love declaration videos & you are sucking hickeys on his neck and showing them off in broad daylight. Bro he said, while having a boner about said bro. JM's change of tune tells me JK probably had a few words with him over calling him that. JK said its time to grow up Selena, I'm not your little brother.

RM in their busniess, physically moving them away from each other, head desking, eye rolling, other members getting in the middle, the company. That's alot of pressure. And JM will listen to these people, until he tells you he was with JK at 4 am or waking up and seeing Jungkookie is his favorite thing. How he gonna wake up and see JK unless they live together? This was after it was revealed JK did not live at the dorms anymore. The dots are connected. Did you see the panic on JM's face when he and JK were late to the radio station together. He knew the gig was up. He knew if they were all coming from the same place, why only these two were late & took a detour? They also made out in the car on the way, cause JM could not stop smiling at his man, but that's beside the point. Plus he knew they were busted & he was shy.

As for JK, well he doesn't like being told what to do, not even by Jimin sometimes & Jimin understands that too, its called balance and equal footing in the relationship, despite JK being younger. JK sucked his ear in front of 90K people and JM did not stop JK. JM did not stop JK from saying he makes JM happiest, twice. JM also finally gave up and let JK backhug him after fighting him off so bad, while staring the camera down, I might add. So where JM use to show off their relationship the most, he grew up, matured, took his role as oldest more serious & probably lets the hate get to him a bit & JK, well he said fuck your feelings, you can't stop a man in love, esp a defiant one, a spontaneous, I do first, think later, rule breaker. JM is reserved nowadays and JK tries to be obedient for JM's sake, but this man has come so close to outing Jikook, even I am like come collect your man Jimin. He loves Jimin. He wants to shout it to the world, but he can't. Not just cause of the their society, but Hybe, BTS, and shitty ass fans who only care about their happiness, not BTS. The man deleted his IG on the spot where he barely talked about JM suspiciously, but hasn't shut up about JM on weverse. Let that sink in. IG was another way to bring in money for the company and you think JM didn't restrict what he posted about their relationship or even JK himself cause he didn't want to cause an uproar? He said watch this and deleted the whole damn thing. And now he goes live consistently when he isn't supposed too, promoting his boyfriend and spamming his boyfriend with comments. Don't get me wrong. JM has been loud as fuck too with his love for JK, but JM also will follow rules more then JK, but JK said fuck the rules. He doesn't listen to HYbe, he listens to JM, for the most part. JM keeps JK grounded for the most part. These two are beating the odds tho and have for years. And I wish them nothing but happiness, cause if anyone ever deserved a happy ending. Its these two.

Not the bro 🤣😂😂

But yes, to all this x113

JK can be defiant with Jimin but not when it counts. When it counts or when it's something crucial he will listen. Also Jimin doesn't control JK and leaves him be to do what he wants. Which is healthy, honestly. E.g he knows if he really put his foot down JK would stop drinking live but he won't do that. He will suggest that he stop, but will otherwise leave it up to him.

They do have a good thing going for them and like u said I hope they're content and happy. They deserve it. I love them

[gurugirl]

The Queen's Secret Ch. 11

Summary: The Queen gets confirmation of what she’s known already but it doesn't make her feel as happy as she’d hoped. She and Harry struggle to stay apart - their moments together are far too fleeting as of late. Gertrude and Edgar still suspect something.

Warning: Angst, mentions of depression, lying

The Queen's Secret Masterlist

Chapter 10*

Chapter 11

Gertrude woke early as she normally did. Lately, sometimes, she took the opportunity to check Harry’s phone. She hadn’t been convinced that he was faithful or that he hadn’t been seeing the Queen when he wasn’t supposed to. Looking over her shoulder she quickly brought his phone upward to see that he’d gotten a message at 11:57pm. From John Gabriel. John was a Duke and worked with Harry from time-to-time.

With a sigh she unlocked his phone and went through a few apps and found nothing out of the ordinary. She was hesitant to click on the message from John because once she did that it wouldn’t show up as a new, unread message and Harry might be on to her for going through his phone. Harry’s settings on his phone made it so that there would be no preview to the message and suddenly Gertrude had the idea to quickly change his settings and then change it back before he noticed. So she could at least see the first part of the text in his notifications window. Just to make sure it was actually from John.

Just as she’d changed his settings Harry began to move as he was starting to wake up.

Gertrude quickly placed the phone back down and left the bedroom before Harry woke up fully. She hadn’t gotten what she was looking for and unfortunately she’d updated the message preview settings on his phone, which he might notice. She hoped he didn’t, but it was too late now. She’d have to play dumb if he realized his settings had been tampered with.

Harry did notice. When he looked at his phone after sitting up and stretching in bed, he saw the preview of the message right there.

From John Gabriel: I love you.

He looked around the room and felt himself panic slightly. How had this happened? His wife could have seen. He opened the messages app up and sleepily smiled for a moment at the sweet message. But he wondered what made her text him so late when it was part of their rules to only text during hours they would get the message so that something like this wouldn’t happen. He texted her back quickly,

From Prince Harry: I love you too.

And then he deleted the texts.

Gertrude didn’t seem upset when Harry went into the kitchen with her. She was making coffee and speaking with the nanny about the kid’s schedules for the day.

“Morning.” Harry’s first words of the day came out in a rasp as both Gertrude and Sally turned to see the handsome Prince.

Harry kept a close eye on Gertrude to see if there was the possibility that she saw the text. He was also a bit perplexed by the sudden settings change. He’d need to redo his password in case it was Gertrude who’d done it. He hated that he couldn’t trust her, but why would he trust her when she shouldn’t trust him? He’d lied to Gertrude and fallen in love with another woman. Of course trust would be an issue between them.

“How did you sleep?” Gertrude asked as she sat at the table with Harry.

“Fine. How about you?” He sipped from the mug of coffee that Gertrude handed him and watched her. He noticed her look down at her hands and then flit her eyes back up to his. He couldn’t be sure but it seemed as though she was nervous about something.

“Fine as well. I’m a bit busy today. Sally will be here until 6 this evening with the kids and I’ve given instructions to Luz to make dinner. I have a few appointments at the castle. What are your plans for the day?” Gertrude tapped her fingers on the wood tabletop and watched Harry. Now they were both carefully watching the other for any sign of knowing what the other was up to.

Harry quickly decided to bring up John Gabriel, as a cover in a way, “I have a few appointments as well. A last-minute meeting came up with John. He texted me late last night. Nothing too important, just some decisions about the budget for construction of the new library, last minute changes I guess.”

Gertrude perked up at the name. She hadn’t gotten to look at the text or even see the preview of the message but this could be likely. Though, she still had her doubts, she didn’t have a choice but to accept what he told her. She nodded.

When Gertrude left Harry promptly changed his password and adjusted his settings back to how they had been.

He had a feeling deep down that Gertrude had tampered with his phone. Which meant she would have seen the preview of the text that read I love you from John. He knew she wouldn’t confront him about it because going through his phone would also be a betrayal. And Harry had a response for her made up in his mind if Gertrude were to confront him about it. But he wouldn’t say anything unless she brought it up.

When the Queen saw Harry’s response she sighed in relief. She’d been a little too reckless in sending that text so late like she had. It sat in his phone all night. She regretted it the following morning when she woke up but seeing that Harry texted her back she felt better. She needed to get ahold of her emotions. It was difficult. She just wanted to be with him night and day and at that moment she didn’t know the next time that she’d be able to see him. To touch him. The idea of not seeing his smile crushed her. She brushed her teeth and splayed a hand over her tummy and felt her eyes prick with tears. She was sad. Very sad. Her husband was already gone for the morning, off to visit a nearby merchant to have lunch.

Instead of moping and going back to bed like she wanted, the Queen dressed herself and pulled her hair up and went to the castle library. She walked around amongst the old shelves and looked for something new to read. She had a conference call to attend after lunch, but otherwise her day was empty. She wanted to find a good book to get her mind off of her problems.

It was depressing to her that she’d devolved into a cheater. A liar. A faker. It wasn’t ever meant to be this way. She was supposed to be a good Queen. She was meant to love her husband and support him in everything he did. And even if she never loved Edgar, she should have upheld her oath, her promise to be a good wife. It was true that she never did love him. She enjoyed him. She liked him enough. Until Harry came into the picture. He showed her what it was like to be loved and to be cherished. It came so easily to her to fall for the Prince. Too easily.

“Queen Y/n. How are you?” Gertrude suddenly spoke from behind the Queen. Y/n turned to see the Princess and smiled.

“I’m well. How are you Princess Gertrude?” She clasped a book in her hand, not sure which book she’d grabbed from the shelf and watched Gertrude.

“Very well. Thank you. I have some meetings at the castle today and stopped here at the library. I love this old library. Harry mentioned that a new one is being built in Manon. Do you know where it will be located?” Gertrude was curious about the Queen. She really didn’t know what to think. Part of her thought that she was just imagining that Harry was smitten by Y/n. It was hard not to imagine it. They’d had sex at least a dozen times from their sessions and the Queen was young and pretty and smart. And even with the protocols in place, Gertrude couldn’t help but feel like anything could have happened behind closed doors. But another part of Gertrude felt like she wasn’t imagining it, because of all of those things.

“I don’t know much about it, to be honest. I believe it’s going to be built near the square so anyone in Manon can access it. I could be wrong, though. Is Harry on the board for that construction?” Y/n did know actually. Here she went again, lying through her teeth. This wasn’t a project that the Queen was supposed to be too privy on, but she happened to know very well where it was going to be built and when. She even knew some of the budget details as she and Harry had spoken about it.

“Yes. He is the head of the board for the library. He hasn’t told me much regarding it so I wondered if you did. I do look forward to it being built. It would be wonderful to have a local library to bring the kids. I’d bring them here to the castle but it’s such a different atmosphere in the castle.” Gertrude smiled. She’d arrived to the castle a little early. She enjoyed walking through the library and smelling all the old books. The library was immaculate and ornate. It used to be one of her favorite places to come before she had children.

When Gertrude excused herself the Queen felt herself relax again. She felt awful. Completely ashamed. What a sorry excuse for a Queen she was.

The gala was tomorrow night. The Queen had been fitted for her dress and it looked just lovely on her. But she didn’t feel lovely. She was sad, anxious, lacking sleep, and constantly trying to hide her tears. The week without seeing Harry was torture. She hadn’t realized how hard it would get. She thought it would get easier but it got worse.

She’d had all morning to herself and had been in between tears and laughter when she took another pregnancy test and it was positive. She texted Harry but he’d yet to respond. She knew he was busy today. She already knew she was pregnant, and Harry had no doubts either. But now it was confirmed. Her emotions were all over the place and simply uncontrollable.

She was elated that she knew now, without a doubt, that she was pregnant. But she was sad because she missed the man who’d helped make her that way. It was a confusing morning overall for her. She sat in her tub and cried her eyes out, sobbing at the unfortunate circumstance – loving a man who was married to another. Who already had children. But then she’d begin to laugh when she found that she was being silly and felt she should be happy because she’d soon be a mother. She was happy. But she was sad also.

The new book that she’d picked was old and difficult to follow but it did a good job of keeping her occupied. She needed to reread paragraphs a couple of times to really understand the meaning at times. It was a good distraction for her. Sitting on her balcony, overlooking the courtyard and feeling the cool air around her was sobering. Reading on her balcony seemed to be the only time, as of late, that she could keep her emotions in check. Maybe it was the book. Maybe it was the cold air. Either way, she tried to allow herself time for reading on her balcony every day. For her sanity.

When Harry finally texted her back, nearly three hours later, she felt herself wither again, a slow spiral into depression. The book now long forgotten, as her lover had finally contacted her. It wasn’t healthy. She could recognize that.

From Prince Harry: We will find time tomorrow to see one another at the gala, my love. I need to kiss your pregnant belly once again in greeting to our child-to-be. I miss you more than I can describe.

His words were sweet and hopeful. It should have made her smile but instead his words brought her sorrow as she clenched her chest over her heart. She didn’t know how they’d find time at the gala. It seemed impossible. Everything seemed impossible. Nothing was going to be easy for them. The Queen crawled into bed and cried herself to sleep, not bothering to text Harry back. She had lost her grip on happiness again.

When Gertrude and Harry arrived at the castle for the gala they’d been arguing. Harry had seemed to start it. He hadn’t heard from Y/n since he responded to her after she told him about her pregnancy test. Nothing. He texted her again and it was silence from her end. It had him worried, in a bad mood and so he picked a fight with Gertrude. He was desperate to see the Queen. His sour mood would only be corrected if he could see her.

Nearly the entire kingdom was in attendance. The gala was for the fundraising of Manon infrastructure and to add a new wing to the hospital. Everyone was dressed to the nines. Tables were spread out in the ballroom with the seating arrangements totally up to the guests. There was live entertainment, gourmet food, an open bar, and all for a good cause. It was expensive to buy a seat but it would be worth it. The gala would surely bring in enough money to begin work on the hospital and update the streets surrounding the town center. It was something that had been needed for a few years.

Harry and Gertrude sat with a couple who they considered to be their friends. Harry forced a smile and looked around the room for his lover. He didn’t see her just yet.

“Please go and get me a drink. Red wine, a blend maybe.” Gertrude said to Harry. She was upset with him. He had not been nice to her all morning and had even snapped at Colin when he asked Harry to read to him when the nanny arrived. She barely wanted to look at him in that moment. Having him fetch drinks would give her space to breathe. She was worried that he was on to her for changing the settings in his phone.

Harry happily left the table. He needed air. From Gertrude. His head was on a swivel as he approached the bar. He hoped to see Y/n. He was feeling shaky and nervous that she was going to start shutting him out again. Or maybe something had happened with the King? Or maybe she fell ill? He didn’t know what the reason was for her sudden silence was but his stomach was in knots over it.

He ordered a glass of red wine for his wife and a bourbon on the rocks for himself. Then he sat at an empty table nearby and waited for his drinks, keeping an eye on the bartender as well as looking around the room in search for his love. The drinks didn’t take as long to put together as Harry had hoped. He was up and back at the bar within a few minutes grabbing the drinks.

With both hands occupied he very, very slowly made his way back to Gertrude. He took the long way, going around the perimeter of the room. Gertrude wasn’t looking in his direction at all so she wasn’t aware of the way Harry was clearly stalling to get back to her.

When a small commotion happened behind him he turned. There were a few people clapping and standing suddenly. The King and Queen had entered the room. Harry stopped. She was breathtaking. She always was but something about her in that moment had Harry nearly falling to his knees. He was stuck in motion as he observed her movements and her smile. It was a forced smile. She was not happy. Not really. She looked beautiful and no one would know that the smile she painted on her face was fake. Harry could see it, though.

When the King and Queen took their seats at the head of the room Harry noticed that Edgar seemed to be scolding her. He wondered if the king knew she was pregnant. Wondered if she’d told anyone other than Harry. And then she suddenly lifted her head and it was as if her gaze was drawn to her lover by magnet.

Harry smiled weakly and kept his eyes on hers and he saw her smile back at him before looking down to her lap. He turned finally to make his way back to his seat.

The gala was as expected. The entertainment was a good distraction, the silent auction brought in even more money for the fundraiser. Harry and Gertrude barely spoke to or looked at one another.

When Gertrude got up to use the bathroom Harry got up to make his way near the Queen. He hoped maybe she’d see him and she’d make an excuse to get up from her seat. It worked. When Y/n noticed Harry near the doorway that led to the small hallway for the servers she got up to stretch her legs. Edgar was deep in conversation.

Harry ducked into the hallway when he noticed the Queen was coming and she quickly made her way to him.

There was nowhere for them to hide or to be in private. The hallway was highly trafficked by the kitchen staff coming and going. But they still had their moment together.

“Harry. Hi.” She said when she stood before him. She wanted to put her arms around his neck and pull him down for a kiss but she refrained.

Harry smiled gently, “Hi. How are you feeling?” He didn’t want to immediately bring up how he’d been very upset and in a bad mood after she didn’t respond to him. His nerves settled once the Queen’s eyes were on his and they could speak.

“I’m… okay. I’m just very upset. I hate this.” She looked down and closed her eyes. She felt better standing before Harry. It made her feel whole. It’s like all the small cracks that began to run through her body in the absence of his presence were suddenly filled and pasted back together again. His voice and his gaze were healing.

“I know exactly how you feel. I can’t breathe when you’re not with me. I miss you.” His whispers were low and the Queen looked up at him, holding back any tears that might fall down her face.

She swallowed and nodded. They both knew. They both felt it.

“I’m sorry I didn’t text you back I was so sad. I didn’t know how to respond and I just needed to cry. But it’s because I miss you and I don’t know when we can be together again, and that just will not do. I need more.” She confided.

Harry was taken aback. He hadn’t expected her to pour herself out like that. She tended to be more reserved with her feelings. And especially as they were stood in a public hallway with other people around.

“I know. It does hurt. All I want is to be with you. I’ve been in a very bad mood all day because I’ve missed you so much.” He nodded as he spoke and looked around to make sure that no one was eyeing them.

“It’s terrible. And I haven’t told anyone yet. I just need a little more time to pull myself together and then I’ll tell Edgar. You’re the only one who knows.” She graced him with her beautiful gaze and Harry was close to losing it and just taking her face in his hands and pressing his mouth to hers in a searing kiss that no one would mistake for friendly.

“I love you. So much.” He didn’t know what else to say. They needed to get back before they were caught by the King or Gertrude.

Y/n put her fingers into his for a brief moment, “I love you too, Harry. With everything I am,” and then left him in the hallway, her perfume lingering in the air behind her.

Harry leaned his head back onto the wall behind him and closed his eyes. These small meetings weren’t enough. Nothing was enough. He felt like he could die without her. His heart shriveling the moment she walked away. He needed her near to feel okay. To feel whole. But at least he knew her heart was still his. That notion allowed him to put a smile on his face and walk back to the table to his wife.

The announcement of the Queen’s pregnancy was a big to-do. A gathering of friends and colleagues and important people of the Kingdom was planned for a celebration of sorts.

Everyone congratulated the Queen and King on the pregnancy and Harry felt the sting of insignificance. He was the father, but no one could know it. He was the man that the Queen was in love with, the man who loved her with all of his heart. But no one would ever know. The celebration was modest and jovial. Except that the Queen and the Prince were not able to feel the joy of the celebration the way they had wanted to. They didn’t get to sit together, or hug, or even speak to one another. The King and Gertrude had kept a close watch that their spouses would not wander off with the other.

Harry’s mood had been rotten. Gertrude was not dumb. And the Queen was constantly crying and Edgar noticed. They both felt trapped, suffocated, imprisoned. It should have been a happy occasion but Y/n could barely feign a smile and would not touch her food. Harry wanted to comfort her and make her eat. He watched as she folded inward and kept her head down for most of the celebration.

And others also noticed the Queen’s sadness as well. They wouldn’t speak of it openly, but whispers were bound to start. The usually composed and well-kept Queen was clearly upset and not enjoying the occasion as she should have.

Two weeks of not seeing one another at all was brutally painful. They did continue to text and send the occasional picture. A call a day.

When the Queen went to the doctor for her checkup everything was as it should be. She was healthy and the first person she told about her appointment was Harry. They both felt warm longing whenever they were engaged in a text exchange or on a call with one another. Harry had begun taking quick trips to the market so he could call the Queen at certain times of the day when he knew she was alone. Hearing her voice was becoming mandatory.

Slowly, Harry began resenting Gertrude. It was a slow build up that he hadn’t recognized before but he was sure that she knew something and the phone incident all those weeks ago had him keeping a close eye on her. She never brought it up but he knew she had at least changed the settings on his phone.

He also knew she didn’t deserve his resentment, his coldness, his anger. Had she really done anything so wrong? She was concerned that her husband was stepping out on her and she was not wrong. Her intuition was spot-on. Harry just didn’t like being caught, didn’t like being questioned or doubted. But it was inevitable because he had slowly began to keep himself away from Gertrude more and more.

And Gertrude did blame herself. She knew that he needed more than she wanted to give over the last few years. But now she felt it might be too late to try and allow him in more. Give him more of the things he so desired in a partner. But she’d gotten so comfortable with how they had settled into their routine. And now she feared he was drifting from her for good. She feared it was too late.

It had been weeks since she’d had sex with Harry. Typically he tried to engage her, he’d make the move and Gertrude would give in and wind up enjoying it. But now that Harry wasn’t engaging, wasn’t trying to have sex with her she felt the need in herself to try and make the first move. She’d showered and shaved and talked herself up. She was going to try. Make an effort.

But when she got to her bedroom, Harry was not there. Normally he was already in bed with a book or his cellphone in hand as he waited for her. But the bed was still made and her husband was not in the room.

She went into the hallway and found that little Peter’s door was cracked open and there was a light on. She peeked into the room and saw her husband and her youngest son lying together on the small twin bed, both fast asleep with the small lamp illuminating their faces. Peter would grow up to look just like Harry, she was sure of it.

She backed away and went into the master bedroom where she fell asleep in their large king-sized bed all by herself. This was her penance for keeping her sweet husband at arm’s length for so long. She knew there might be no going back.

Harry woke the following morning in Peter’s bed. His original plan was to sleep in bed with his wife like he normally would but then when he realized Gertrude was taking an extra-long time in the bathroom he wondered if she was gearing up to have sex. He doubted it, because she rarely wanted it, but he also felt disgusted at the idea and so he went to get some water and to get his mind on right. He noticed that Peter’s door was open and his little boy was sitting in bed not asleep still.

It was the perfect excuse and the best way to avoid having sex with Gertrude if that’s what she intended. It also meant he got to cuddle with his youngest boy and fall asleep with him in his arms. That might have been the best night’s sleep Harry had had in over a month. It would soon become a tradition, with Harry switching off from each child to escape his wife and the way he resented her mere presence.

Every morning he texted the Queen that he loved her and every morning she responded by telling him she loved him back. But this morning, the morning he woke up well rested from Peter’s bed the Queen responded differently. It had Harry’s mood soaring and his dimples unable to be hidden.

To Prince Harry: Edgar leaves in three days. I have a plan.

Ch 12*

Thank you for reading! I’d appreciate any support you can give! Whether a comment, reblog, or buying me a coffee - it’s all appreciated. 💕

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Xoxo

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[akab0mb]

I am not well. I haven't been for 2 years. But I am struggling significantly right now.

There was a person I was getting very close to. We had a lot in common. I love them very much. But at one point when I was having a bad depressive episode, they messaged me and told me they were closing their DMs to only very close friends and that the way I was deleting messages was triggering for them. They later also told me not to tag them on our shared discord spaces.

This hurt me so much. But I respected their boundaries. I still don't understand why they did such a 180 with me. And my BPD tells me that this is proof that I am a terrible person and shouldn't have friends. But I didn't message them, and I didn't tag them.

For months I have been holding onto hope that they might finally message me again and let me know I could talk to them (because their original message made it seem like they were just cutting me off temporarily). But seeing how they interact with everyone else in the discord spaces and have all these beautiful friendships that I'm not allowed to be a part of was deeply hurtful to me. So for months I have been deeply depressed about it. To an extreme. It has almost been too much to bear.

I have this mutual friend who I loved very much and who has been there for me all year. And she told me I could talk to her about anything. So I vented to her and expressed how hurt I was about this person cutting me off for seemingly no reason, and how hard it was to see them having these lovely friendships with everyone but me. But then she suddenly blocked me for half a day, and then unblocked me and told me I was engaging in a "smear campaign" and that I was being hateful. Even though I wasn't. How do you argue with someone who has decided you ARE a certain way when you're not? I have only love in me. Blocking and suddenly telling me I can't message someone is the worst thing for me - I'd rather be stabbed. I can't simply "move on" like other people because of my mental health disorders. It was truly traumatizing to wake up and see that this person who I trusted and who I thought would always be there for me had blocked me. I was in emotional shock for hours. And I had such a horrible anxiety attack that I almost had a pseudo-seizure (this has only happened once before). I will never forget how this made me feel. I don't think I will ever heal fully.

I spend every day alone. I am in so much pain. I have no friends. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of this pain of being mischaracterized and cut off. I'm tired of being made to feel like a bad person. I feel like everyone knows something I don't. I am so confused. I love so deeply. I love by default. How anyone could call me hateful is something I don't understand.

I don't think I am viable for human friendships. I was born to be alone. I get along with bugs and animals. I'm so lonely. But I cannot endure another loss. I've lost 4 people this year. Each one of them I loved so, so incredibly much. And each one left a gaping hole in me. I can't do it anymore.

I will likely delete this soon. I truly have nowhere else to post this. I have lost my community with the loss of this friendship. I don't have a secret place full of kind people to vent to. I have no one but random strangers on the internet to tell this to. And I just need to be seen and heard right now.

[dozing-composing]

ᴛᴇʟʟ ᴍᴇ ᴛʀᴜᴇ, ᴍʏ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ ɪꜱ ɴᴇᴡ

ᴍʏ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ʜᴀꜱ ɢᴏɴᴇ ᴀᴡᴀʏ

Warnings: Angst Ahead Days like these are more than perfect. You are the highlight of each and every waking moment, but it all comes crashing down when you have to go. A/N: This Might Be A Bit Rushed, Because I Accidentally Deleted The First Draft Thinking I Posted It. I Apologize If Anything Seems Off.

He couldn't get enough of this. His head was resting in your lap as you ran your fingers through his coarse hair. He rests his eyes. You're looking down at him, examining his features. You both share this moment of serenity under the shade of a large white oak tree atop a grassy hill. Thick, puffy clouds roll with the wind across the sky. The grass around you sways. He draws out a long exhale, exuding pure bliss. This was the only time he could truly relax. "Did you have a rough day, my love?" The corners of his mouth turn up. Your voice is music to his ears. "Not anymore now that I am here with you," his eyes stay closed. "Would you like to tell me about it?" You smile. He hums, then dramatically rambles about the lengths he had to go through to save Dr. Venture and Co. once again. It was a "perilous journey." You recognize that throughout various points of his story, he'll outdo himself. As much as you were pleased knowing he had found people to accept him and his ways of magic, it also pained you seeing him pushing himself past his limit. You hated seeing him so tired out to the point where his exhaustion made him physically weak. There were times when he would stop by and you could see his eyes were sunk in, his fingers would twitch from expeditious spell-casting, his joints would crack at the slightest bit of movement. And to top it all off, he still visits you each and every day. You figure these conditions would worsen if he kept this up. "Byron," you interrupt him mid-sentence. "Yes, my dear?" "You love me, right?" His eyes open. He bolts upright, resting his hands on your shoulders. "Why, angel, you are the very being that eases my mind from metal torture." "That's just it," your hands gently hold his wrists. "You're killing yourself more and more each time you come here." You can't keep eye contact, looking away when he looks at you confusedly.

"But, seeing you is the very reason I-" "Byron," you say sternly. You lower his hands. "You can't keep coming to this mindset." The skies turn grey when you say these words. The wind picks up. Orpheus looks at you, a mix between terror and sadness, while your own carries the sorrow you've been meaning to show him. "Darling! I-" You stand, not wishing to hear his pleas. The anguish in your chest rises. You attempt to make your way across the hill, but are weighted down when Orpheus throws himself onto you, clinging to your waist. His eyes well up, pools of tears threaten to fall. You look down at him. "Please, stay here with me," his voice is wavering. He buries his head in your hip, tears staining the fabric of your clothes. You partially regret interrogating him like this, but you know it would be best for him. "Byron, love," You kneel to his level. "I never meant to cause such hurt," you pull him close in an embrace. His chin rests in the crook of your neck. "But you need to let me go." Suddenly, it all comes back to him. He remembers the way you fell when you were stuck down, when you desperately grasp his sleeves and how you swallowed quick gasps of air. He remembers your last words, stumbling out one final "I love you," before succumbing to darkness. Then you went limp in his arms.

"I...I..." The lump in his throat grows tighter. He shudders harshly. He can no longer contain himself. "I can't!" He finally gives in to his emotions. He clutches you harder. By this point, the wind is howling. The clouds, now blackened, engulf the sky. Leaves rip from the oak and fly away. What was once a reflection of his image of you becomes a horrifying storm of his own guilt. There's a block in his chest, and he starts to heave. He tries to speak, but it's incoherent. He's blubbering apologies. But then you begin to rub his back. Your warmth is a blanket that settles his woes. The storm quietens down along with his cries. "Shh, shh. It's alright, my love." Something he's always admired about you is how you could always comfort him in times of need. You knew how to keep calm, even in situations as vulnerable as this. "You... You were my everything," his breathing levels out a bit. The poor man struggles to collect himself. He recedes, now taking your face in his hands. "You were my muse. My stars, my moon." His thumb brushes over your cheek. "You were the sole reason I go beyond the bounds." Your heart breaks hearing this. You frown. You sigh. "I shouldn't have been so upfront," your hands place themselves on his. "But I think you need to move on." You kiss his palm. Then, your hands reach for his face. "For the sake of your mental state." Your lips connect with his. Oh, how he misses these tender moments with you. You break the kiss, thumbs wiping his tear-stained face. "I can't bear to see you in pain like this," you press your forehead against his. Your surroundings are significantly calm. It's still cloudy, but the air is refreshing. "You're my entire world." The both of you stay like this in a state of tranquility. The leaves on the tree rustle. The grass dances about. Everything goes back to normal. "I didn't want you to worry for me," he murmurs. "I can't help that," you reply, backing away to get a better view of his face. "Because I love you too much to see you joining me so soon," your hands move down to his chest. Now it's his turn to place his on top of yours. "You still have a life to live. Triana still needs you. The Ventures need you." He blinks. Of course he wants to be here with you, but when you mention this, he realizes that he still has responsibilities at home he can't just leave. "You need to shift back." He's defeated. You were right.

"...I know," his voice cracks. Another short moment of silence passes. "No matter what, I will always be with you," you peck his nose, something you would usually do when you were both alone. "I will forever cherish every minute of you," he wraps his arms around you once more. The wind picks up again, now creating a tornado of grey as the clouds dissolve. Everything turns to white.

"There will never be a day where you won't cross my mind." "And there'll never be a day where I stop loving you." Your words echo as he brings himself back to the real world. Your hold fades as you dissipate. The scene around him disappears. Orpheus's position doesn't change as he is thrust back into reality. He's still on his knees with his arms out, holding nothing now that you're gone once more. He deflates. His arms fall as he crouches over. His quivering form convulses as his hands clutches his head. Soft whimpers escape his lips.

He's alone again. At least in the mortal realm. But he knows that you're always with him, waiting for the day where he'll be able to reunite with you. Officially, that is.

[theravequeen]

If no one minds I'm gonna talk about my toxic/doomed mlm ship like everyone knows what it is, thank you

(I will give you a rundown, however. ARCUS is a group I made up that is similar to Hydra in the sense that they are an "Evil Organization™". ARCUS is basically a superhuman illegal trade hub, run by a man who goes by "White." He, along with many other ARCUS members, gained powers from the double snap in Endgame. (Bruce, and then later Tony.) White has the ability to cancel out someone's powers. Underneath White is the Council of Colors, named after the 6 base colors of the rainbow.

Forest is the son of "Green", they both have phytokinesis/plant manipulation)

ACTUALLY I LIED PLEASE DONT READ THIS ITS SO CRINGE I MIGHT DELETE THIS IMMEDIATELY

A few nights ago, my friend Peg brought up the idea that if Forest and Harley were to ever have a happy, healthy relationship, it would get ruined in a Romeo and Juliet esque way. That one of them would "die" and the other one would fight to the death to avenge them.

Originally I figured "oh, Forest would, because he blames himself for this. It's him being a part of ARCUS that got Harley 'killed', so that Forest could prove himself to the avengers, that he is not his home, and he hates ARCUS for what they've done,,,

But now I'm thinking about this.

Forest and Harley have been trapped. Separated from the group. Forest is trying his best to protect them both, but suddenly, he is grabbed from behind. Harley whips around to face him, and is met with White holding on to Forest, by the back of the neck.

Harley is forced to watch as all the plants around them begin to wilt and die. Forest's plants begin to wither and die. And Forest gets weaker and weaker, White draining his powers, cancelling out the very thing that makes Forest Forest.

With that, Forest falls, and White drops his body to the floor, leaving Harley to cry out in sadness and anger, not ready to believe it. With the vengeance of the sun, Harley retaliates. Harley doesn't have any powers to mute, all he has is his iron suit and his unbridled rage.

But how can you fight a god?? White is clearly stronger than him, and he knocks Harley out, just in time for Forest to wake up.

Forest sees Harley, and with a misguided hope and a relentless grief, he fights White. He fights and he fights until he can't anymore.

And when Tony and the others finally find them, all they're left with is Harley crying over Forest's body.

[dorefasolsido]

39.

1. Did you wake up cranky?

No, I struggled to wake up but felt surprisingly fine once I did.

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

Nah. They're waaaay too young.

3. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

I don't really care, but I've always had more girl friends. I guess I just relate to them better.

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

Yeah, why not.

5. Can you commit to one person?

Tbh, I definitely have some commitment issues. Not so much in a sense that I need to be with more people at once, but rather that as soon as things start looking serious (even with friends), my avoidant attachment kicks in.

6. How do you look right now?

Just as I always do when I'm sitting around the house.

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

Black leggings, black socks, and a black Christmas sweater with a deer on it. Yes, I'm aware we're waaay past Christmas now.

8. How often do you listen to music?

Usually I listen to it in the car.

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

Jeans, but lately cargos are my go-to.

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2014?

Lol damn. Well, I don't think my life changed dramatically then, but it did in 2014.

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

I'm not either, I guess you'd say I'm a bit asocial. But I'm not actively antisocial.

12. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

Well, nothing. I mean, what can I do? I'd just accept it and try to move on.

13. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

A little too good, I'd like to unlearn some of that.

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

Yup.

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

Sure, I don't think anyone enjoys when other speak badly about them.

16. Are you going out of town soon?

Probably, yes. To this big teambuilding event.

17. When was the last time you cried?

I know for sure I cried on Tuesday.

18. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Hmm, you could kind of say so. I never really expected to consider dating a girl.

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

I like my eye colour, but sure. Wouldn't hurt to try a different one.

20. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

Tomorrow will just be a day for seeing people I haven't seen for a while.

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

My day was actually perfectly and then I suddenly started feeling so restless at 12 AM and had no idea what to do. That happens so often, like everything's just fine and then my brain goes like "But aren't you enjoying yourself too much?" Like, leave me alone, man.

22. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

Another difficult question, so I'll say kinda. And I think that same friend liked me back at the time.

23. Are you nice to everyone?

I try to be, but tbh, I wish I wasn't really always.

24. What are you sitting on right now?

The couch in my living room.

25. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Cheating would not be the issue at all. The issue would be if I'm able to not get spooked by feelings and run away. I used to be better about this, but I feel like I've definitely regressed in this department.

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Not really.

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

I think my cat lol.

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

Not normally, but in the past few months I did.

29. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

Nope.

30. Does anyone hate you?

I don't know. I can think of one person who might, but I'm not sure even she does either.

31. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

Kind of, but I'm not sure I could tell everything to anyone.

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

Yess, my favourite genre.

33. Are you a jealous person?

Not normally. But I've had my moments in the past, when I was much younger.

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

I don't think I'd delete any of them. Even 2020 and 2023, both of which absolutely sucked, I'd still keep.

35. Did you have a dream last night?

I did but I completely forgot what it was about.

36. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

Again, I do think there are people who would listen and not judge, but the problem is literally just in me and my need for privacy.

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

No. I have no interest in marriage.

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

Idk, I rarely assume that. The friend I mentioned before, I'm not sure if he still feels that way and I'm also not sure how serious another friend is when he jokingly talks about us dating. But I'm always inclined to say no.

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

I doubt it, it's late and most people I know are asleep.

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

It was good, actually.

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

Nope.

42. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

In some ways it is, in other ways, it's completely different. My living situation is largely the same, but I feel like I've totally changed as a person in the past few years.

43. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

I don't have such a person.

44. What’s the best part about school?

When you're done and you can go home.

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

I deleted my FB.

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

We did pass notes sometimes, and then later we transitioned to texting.

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

Often. Way, way too often.

48. Were you single over the last summer?

Of course I was.

49. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

Nothing really, thank god. I'm so so tired of work.

50. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

She's cute.

[distraughtmary]

To Uncreate You. Chapter 3

Dmitry’s uneasy slumber was unceremoniously interrupted by the deafening sound of the school bell, or so it seemed. His hand instinctively reached for the smartphone, and Dmitry belatedly realized that it was in the bag he had left on the humble-looking desk. Grumbling, he raised himself from the bed, cold-sweaty and weary from the restless night, and uncovered the phone from the bag. The lock screen showed 6.30 am, which was 3 hours earlier than Dmitry’s usual waking hour.

‘Fucker,’ Dmitry muttered and decided to check his social media timelines.

All the jokes he had posted to mask the stress had zero likes or replies, and while there were some signs of activity in the group chats, he chose not to bother. After all, they did not believe him about what he done as his first act of magic, and even when Dmitry had provided the evidence, his so-called friends had insisted on calling him a fraud and a stuck-up. In spite of that, he remained in the chats and reluctantly followed those people because there were only so many spaces where one could discuss Japanese idols of the 1980s. However, Kudo Shizuka and Moritaka Chisato could not save him at that moment, and Dmitry wondered if he had the courage to end the vicious cycle of mockery. The thought was promptly dissolved by a new video post from one of Showa music bot accounts, which featured a singer he had never heard of, so he had to bookmark it to watch later. The cycle continued. Having exited the social media apps, Dmitry let his finger hover over the dating app with 5 notifications, but building a relationship was the last item on his agenda after everything that had transpired. And he still did not know what his schedule was going to look like and how much it was going to mess up his life.

The messaging app had a single notification, and Dmitry discreetly opened it to check the sender. It was Ulyana, his friend from the university, if he could call her that, asking him if everything was ok. While Dmitry knew the answer, he was not sure whether Ulyana would take a simple no with zero explanation. He reflected on the last time they had seen each other offline: it was the graduation ceremony. Dmitry had tried to look his best in a 4-year-old suit, and he might have overdone the face and the hair, which had looked too shiny, but no one had noticed, or everyone had pretended not to notice. Ulyana had looked stunning in her sky-blue dress, her fair hair neatly resting under a plastic tiara. She had whispered her love to him on the stage during the acceptance of the diplomas, both of theirs red, and he had fled immediately after receiving his, causing quite a stir in the auditorium. He was glad that his grandparents had not been able to attend the ceremony and thus were blissfully unaware of the incident. He had wanted to delete whatever contacts he had had with Ulyana but had resolved not to be a coward and had told her the truth, expecting her to do the job of erasing him from everywhere. Contrary to his assumptions, Ulyana had taken the news surprisingly well, and her interest in Dmitry’s life had only increased. She had told him to make a dating app account, had told him to have more faith in himself, and had told him not to give up when his magic had been discovered. She had become his only friend, and he owned her a proper reply.

‘Still tired as fuck. Met the principal yesterday and I don’t wanna see her ever again,’ Dmitry typed lazily, not expecting an answer so early in the morning.

‘What’s she like?’ the screen suddenly lit up with a pop-up notification.

‘Ur up already? Dmitry typed, his eyebrows raised.

‘Yeah, the classes start at 7.30, and I have to do stuff and then catch a bus.’

‘When I was a student they started at 8.30. Guess I dodged the bullet because teachers have to arrive even earlier’

‘I hate that you aren’t suffering here with me but I might like the job. Except for the emphasis on patriotism, that part sucks’

‘Part of the reason I rejected the offer, and then the lyceum principal told me I’d lose the job anyway’

‘OK, but what’s the deal with her?’

‘She seems to know everything about me, and she warned me not to get close with a guy I just met, even though it was him who was too clingy (angry emoji)’

‘And how does she know about THAT? Only your brother and I know’

‘No idea, maybe they are monitoring my socials and that dating app you recommended. Damn, I gotta delete that shit!’ Dmitry’s finger momentarily went to the settings, and in a few more taps the app was gone.

‘Fuck, I had no idea, sorry’

‘No problem, they are probably looking at our messages rn too, and there are cameras all over this room, but I don’t give a flying fuck somehow’

‘Shit. Wait, you mentioned some guy. Who’s he? Is he cute?’

‘Let’s not talk about that’

‘Why?’

There was a knock at the door, and Dmitry opened it, cursing to himself. He did not even care who it was.

‘Hi,’ Egor’s face looked apologetic, as if it was him who had waken Dmitry and not the bell.

‘It’s him. Catch you later, Uli,’ Dmitry’s fingers were fast.

‘Tell me the deets later (winking emoji),’ said the last notification as Dmitry put the smartphone aside.

‘Hi,’ he said to Egor, controlling his face hard not to reveal that they had been talking about him.

‘Rough night?’ Egor asked kindly.

‘You could say that,’ Dmitry was nonchalance itself.

‘Look, breakfast is at 7, and we have 15 minutes left, and… do you need to go to the restroom?’ Egor asked, his eyes scanning the room, and Dmitry got the implication.

‘Right, I didn’t have a change to go last night, just let be grab my bag.’

‘Why?’ Egor was genuinely curious.

Instead of answering, Dmitry slung the bag over his shoulder and left the phone on the table.

‘I’m not going anywhere, don’t worry,’ he said to the invisible listener.

Egor looked at Dmitry questioningly but said nothing. They left the room with Egor in the lead, and Dmitry observed the surroundings. The inside of the Lyceum resembled a typical Russian school, the same Soviet minimalism disguising the fact that the building may serve as a bomb shelter at any time. Dmitry could not fathom whether it was a stylistic choice or the building was simply old because there was no information about the establishment anywhere, and it was invisible from the outside. However, the mystery hardly was a pro in Dmitry’s eyes; it was another confirmation that something wrong, and the constant surveillance did not allay the misgivings. He wondered if the restroom was also equipped with cameras, which would be extremely perverted of whoever had conceived such an idea, but Egor seemed determined as they were walking to the door with a doodle potentially indicating a man. After they had entered the room, Egor heaved a sigh of relief.

‘Whew, I thought someone was going to stop us or worse.’

Dmitry surveyed the restroom without much enthusiasm. It had two sections: the one with two mirrors and sinks, where one could wash their hands after doing whatever nasty deed was necessary, and the other with urinals and closed stalls, the farthest being closed for maintenance, as the yellow sign suggested. The room had a suspicious smell, but it was only expected from the boys’ realm. No feet were visible under the stalls, which meant that only Dmitry and Egor were present, and the former relaxed.

‘Okay, this place seems safe despite the awful smell. Tell me how you knew the way here and the way to my room and what the principal told you while I do my business,’ Dmitry approached one of the sinks and looked at the mirror.

‘Fuck, I look like shit. Gotta fix that before the kids die out of fear,’ he started rummaging in his bag and produced a couple of creams, a chapstick and a hairbrush.

‘You look fine. You don’t even have to shave,’ Egor remarked carefully.

‘Whatever. Talk,’ Dmitry was already washing his face and squeezing one of the creams on his palm.

‘Last night I asked her to show me the way to the “bathroom” before going to my room. I really needed to go, and I had no idea about the cameras. Then I asked her about your room just in case, and she said it was the third on the left from the stairs. As you see, she didn’t lie. She also mentioned the cameras and the breakfast time and told me to shave. Oh, and she welcomed me again and promised a good time here’

‘Interesting,’ Dmitry was applying cream to his face. ‘Because outside of the cameras, she told me nothing of the sort. I smell bias.’

‘What did she tell you?’ There was a hint of concern in Egor’s voice.

‘She told me to stay here all year long,’ Dmitry said, massaging his face. ‘To give up my job and to stay away from you. Completely innocent pieces of advice.’

‘Damn, really? Are you going to follow those?’

‘Not until she gives me a good reason to,’ Dmitry rinsed his face and reached for another cream. ‘I don’t really like doing what people tell me to, you know.’

‘That’s fair,’ Egor was a bit abashed. ‘So, what’s the plan?’

‘What plan?’ Dmitry was busy with rubbing the cream into his freckles.

‘I can see that you don’t like it here, and I’m not so keen on the school either. Especially after they forced me to resign from my dream job that would set me up for life,’ Egor’s expression was stern and serious, and Dmitry could feel the pain in his words.

‘They didn’t do me as dirty as they did you, but I didn’t apply to any school for a reason, and now they want me to work here, teaching something I have no idea about,’ Dmitry was done with his face and started combing his fiery hair. ‘And very likely for free too, but I’m a capitalist pig through and through.’

Egor was about to ask something scandalous, but he caught Dmitry’s sharp gaze in the mirror and thought better of it.

 ‘Well, what are we going to do then? Because I have no fucking idea,’ Egor proclaimed instead, his shoulders twitching in discomfort.

Dmitry snorted, chapstick on his lips as the last part of his routine.

‘We wait. We learn. We get to know more people, the adult students, the teachers, and so on. We try to understand what they want from us. And maybe we find a way to escape all of that, but I have a feeling that we won’t be safe anywhere in this god-forsaken country.’

‘Aren’t you a clever chicken, red-hair,’ an unfamiliar smug voice said from the other section of the restroom. Dmitry dropped the chapstick in the sink, mumbling such obscenities that Egor had to let out a nervous laugh, but he also assumed a defensive position. Seconds later, the owner of the comment appeared. It was a guy who could be the same age as them, although there was a certain hardness to his face that made him look slightly older. Short fair hair circled his head, and his fringe almost formed a heart symbol, but there was no heart in his hazel eyes that burrowed through Dmitry and tried to reach his darkest depths. The image lasted mere seconds, but Dmitry had already wanted to be on the different continent from the guy. Then the blondie half-smiled, and his stare became less piercing.

‘Relax, I’m not gonna rat you two out to Tanka. Or should I drop the rat?’ the guy’s gaze shifted to Dmitry’s paraphernalia still sitting on the sink.

‘If you mean the principal, then she already knows everything there’s to know about me’, Dmitry replied mischievously, putting his equipment back in the bag. ‘I doubt your little song is going to change anything.’

‘Oh, you must be that guy everyone’s been fussing over. Not that I’m complaining because the big heads forgot about our individual classes for a minute, and I won’t say no to some vacation time. Such a fierce thing you are, red-head,’ the guy licked his lips shamelessly and put his elbow on the half-wall separating the restroom sections. ‘Name’s Valera, and let me tell you that you ain’t the first or the last to think that you can outwit the school, but it always wins. Everything the hag told you – do it, or you’re gonna regret it for the rest of your stay here, which could be forever for all I know.’

Dmitry and Egor studied ‘Valera’ suspiciously, but Dmitry did not think he was bluffing. He opted not to ask what Egor’s take on the guy was as they had been busted and left at the mercy of the lad who looked like someone who could beat Dmitry senseless for what he had conjectured Dmitry was. Still, ‘Valera’ seemed like just another bully to him, and he knew how to handle them after having survived in Russia for about two decades.

‘Well, thank you for the advice, Valera,’ Dmitry said demurely, his eyelashes fluttering. ‘Anything else we should know?’

Valera was rendered speechless for a moment due to Dmitry’s sudden modesty but quickly regained his composure.

‘The restroom is empty because all the young ones are in the dining hall helping with the arrangements,’ he said, his wolfishness greatly subdued. ‘Yall are lucky it was just me because someone is always on duty to eavesdrop hence there are no cameras here’.

‘What’s in it for you?’ Egor finally addressed Valera, his face distorted in distaste.

‘We adults should stick together, is all. Not everyone wants to though, and if y’all stay on your own, we are fucked,’ Valera curled his fingers in a fist, and Dmitry could feel what was going to happen next.

‘If you want a fight, you’re gonna get it, fucker,’ Dmitry assumed an awkward offensive pose, his own fists with the thumbs out.

‘What, no,’ Valera perfunctorily observed his hand and untangled it. ‘I don’t fight with… whatever, if you wanna continue this whole making yourself pretty thing, you better do it when no one’s here or in your room.’

Dmitry’s face went scarlet, and he mumbled something about deadly ultraviolet radiation and not doing that to be pretty.

‘But it’s not the principal who is watching the camera feeds, right?’ Egor involved himself in the conversation again. ‘I doubt Dima… Dmitry would want anyone else to snoop around his business.’

Dmitry looked at Egor strangely, his face still reddened and covered with the back of his left hand, but barely moved his lips that might be in need of more chapstick.

‘Yeah, the guards are watching the feeds, and there’re like 3 of ‘em. Don’t know their rotation though, but if only one sees that, basically all three will know. No clue how the gossip will go from that moment on,’ Valera offered with barely any reassurance.

‘Whatever,’ Dmitry blurted out. ‘If they want to be bigots so bad, then they aren’t getting any of this ‘interesting’ magic.’

He turned to Egor, his face flustered with anger and a plethora of other emotions he was not willing to admit.

‘Now, Egor, was it? Let’s get the hell out of here because I’m so hungry I could eat a bear.’

‘I wouldn’t…,’ Valera started saying, but Dmitry kicked the door open and disappeared into the hallway, with Egor on his heels.

[summersareknives]

actually fuck tumblr fr cant believe they deleted my ask smh.

fear not im back :)

fic rec for u! it was only a kiss! by remuslives23 (wolfstar, they drink some firewhiskey and accidentally kiss. v cute)

miss taylor: the last great american dynasty, state of grace, & wonderland <3

i'll reanswer ur qs from last time:

ive got no allergies! that i know of at least. im safe for now. i truly fear the day i find out im suddenly allergic to a food i love (can that even happen?? i hope not)

i totally believe in fate, i think everything kinda happens for a reason and everyone meets people for a reason. if its meant to be itll be, and if its not meant to be then its just not meant to be. some things (most things) are out of our control so whats the point in trying to control what happens to us and who we meet. i say we go with the flow (i say this as the most anxious person on the planet who cant handle change or unfamiliarity)

i accidentally messed up a good friendship a few years ago, basically i wasnt there for someone when they needed me (to be fair we were both going thru it so i didnt even realize) but theyre happier now and so am i so all is well.

i wake up bright and early (its almost noon) i gracefully get out of bed (i drag myself out of bed) i make myself a hearty nutritious meal (i make coffee and some toast if its a good day) i get ready for class (i change into sweatpants and brush my teeth) i head to campus (my class is online. i stay in bed for the rest of the day)

fav superhero forever spiderman & daredevil. and thor cause hes a dumbass and funny but PETER PARKER & MATT MURDOCK MY LOVES!!!

id switch lives with someone crazy wealthy like elon musk or jeff bezos so i can drain their bank accounts and donate to people in need and solve world hunger <3 or maybe timothee chalamet cause id love to know what goes on in his mind hes so funny sometimes.

i wish i had written just lovers by zar bc that fic will forever be my favourite thing ever. its just so damn good and to be the author of it would be truly an honour.

i wish i had written maybe the iliad & odyssey cause 1. theyre freaking epic & 2. homer mightve not been a real person so if i was homer i would be an mysterious enigma.

ive never been in love actually, despite being a hopeless romantic. ive liked people but it never got further than that so ig im just waiting for the right person to come along !

im so loud as a drunk. i WILL sing along to anything playing and i WILL dance horribly. im also giggly cause everything becomes hilarious to me. i do sometimes get confrontational too but thats only if i drink white rum, for some reason.

our worst fight can hardly be considered a fight cause its so dumb but she had called me to ask if id be there for her bday party, i said i might not be able to cause i had 4 papers due the weekend of her party and then she got really upset cause she wanted me there and then i got upset cause i wanted to be there really bad but i was overwhelmed with school and exams and we kinda just sobbed at each other for like 10 mins before we hung up. she called me back a few mins later and we both apologized for being stupid and then i told her id get my papers done so i could go which solved our problem. luckily i did get my papers done in time and i made it🎉 i think i wrote almost 10,000 words in the span of 2 days it was torture truly.

prob last time i saw liv which was in january :( damn her for going to a diff city for uni fr. but we walked in circles around this lake for a few hours and chatted shit about the bitchy people we went to high school with & it was lovely.

jegulily i think yes! james has two hands. i havent read any of them yet but if i find a good fic i plan on it. plus i think their dynamic has good potential & i love each of the individual characters so very much so.

10 things i hate about you!!!!!! other favs include: mamma mia, enchanted, 13 going on 30, and princess diaries. tbh i dont watch a lot of romcoms so idek if these technically count as romcoms but whatever i love them so.

IT!!!!!!!!!!!! i was fucking obsessed with that movie in 2017 i made it my entire personality.

qs for u!

piercings vs tattoos?

fav superhero?

fav fic of all time?

what would your animagus form be?

what's your literary archetype? (fun lil quiz, i got ruler )

what are you like while drunk?

is it better to speak or to die?

preferred method of annotating books? (ie. do u add random commentary or do u add insightful analysis)

when listening to music, are u more of a lyrics person or a sound person?

thats all for now! praying tumblr doesnt fuck this one up too🙏

-bee :)

beeeeeeee :))))))

girl u gonna have to forgive me for this but I woke up and Tumblr was like 'u didn't save this draft would u like to restore it' and I was like 'YES MOTHERFUCKER' and it was ur other ask but I will answer these Taylor songs here !!!! and I got a free extra fic rec , so I'll give u 2 in the other ask .

(feeling sorry for ur poor old fingers u soldier)

tay tay -

the last great American dynasty - MARY MACDONALD - that song speaks of love and loss to me and damn it if it isn't Mary macdonald at the end of her life all alone and everything. I mean can u not just see her 'pacing the rocks staring out at the midnight sea'?

state of grace - JEGULUS - that entire song is basically regulus thinking about their love and how it was so unexpected 'I never saw you coming and I'll never be the same' (also James tearing reg's armour down ????)

wonderland - JILY / DRARRY - now hear me out , I think that the chorus bit where it's all 'didn't they tell us' and everything is a split convo between lily and James where she's all sad and depressed and mad and James is just there for her trying to convince her that it'll all be okay and they're fine. now , dreary , because I think 'didn't you flash your green eyes at me / didn't you calm my fears with a Cheshire Cat smile' is such a Draco thing to say about harry. like he would be so so worried and harry would just have this complete confidence that everything would be a-ok.

[missblissy]

Hi!! I want some pain so the Hurt/comfort post, about Alastor x reader with 1, 2, 4, 12??

((Of course Nonny!! Sorry for such a wait!! I've got a lot of these to work on lol. REMEMBER!! REQUEST ARE CLOSED RIGHT NOW, EVERYONE!! IF YOU SEND ONE IN I WILL NOT DO IT! I've had a few other people send some in and I'm sorry to say I have to delete them. I do not have any more room to take any more prompt requests. Thank you everyone for understanding! NOW.... Enjoy the Modern!AU Angst >:D))

1: “We need to stop the bleeding – now!” 2: “I hate to see you hurt like this.” 4: “I want to help you, so please let me.” 12: “You’re normally the tough guy. Today, let me be tough for the both of us.”

Something about today had felt off. Ever since you woke up, it just felt... not right. As if your mind already knew what was going to happen before it actually did. But no one can really know that for sure. That's why it's called a gut feeling. And that feeling told you that today... You might just die.

You've tasted blood before. But for some reason this time it tasted sweet, rather than bitter, and full of iron. There wasn't much for you to focus on other than the lights from the ceiling flickering over your head. You faintly heard a doctor screaming, "We need to stop the bleeding! BP is dropping- Let's go! Now!"

How did you end up here again, violently broken and bleeding out? Oh, that's right... You were driving home after work. It was another late shift during the dead hours of the night. Drunk drivers were often out during these hours of the night. One just so happened to hit you, and now you're here in a hospital.

You just wanted to go home and sleep. You wanted to lay beside your husband and not have to worry about anything. That was not your case, however. And instead, you tried your best to speak. A nurse who was pushing you along the gurney said, "It's alright, we'll help you, you're safe now." But all you wanted to do was ask about your husband. For someone to tell him what was going on. You were sure he was at home, sleeping soundly and without a clue what had happened.

And Alastor wouldn't find out until the next morning. He'd wake up to several missed calls from dozens of people and some he didn't even know. This man didn't even get dressed. He ran out of the house still in his pajamas and floored it to the hospital. Along the way there, Alastor would throw a massive fit. He'd smash his hands on the steering wheel, beating himself up over not getting there sooner.

He'd curse and swear and honestly drive like a maniac. Every red light he got caught at only made him angrier with the world. His tires would spin and shoot smoke the second the light flickered green and off he rushed again.

Luckily, you were out of surgery long before Alastor got to the hospital. A nurse walked him to your room, and he found himself staring at a sight he'd never imagine. You were broken beyond belief. The nurse gave Alastor a sorry look, "Everything's stable, for now," The nurse said, "But...." She shook her head, "It was one of the worse car accidents we've ever seen. We did everything we could-"

"Coma..." Alastor said the single word, "Induced or?" The nurse shook her head.

"Brain damage, though there is still plenty of brain activity," That was good to hear. It meant you weren't brain dead... yet. The nurse gave him a sorry look, then with a nod of her head, she left him there. Alastor slowly walked into your room and closed the door behind him. He even turned all the blinds so no one could see in the little windows from the hallways. Everything felt wrong.

He stood at your bedside. Taking in everything. The tubes, the machines, the wires. Almost immediately he felt his eyes burn with the threat of tears. And when he placed a hand on your cheek he couldn't stop the waves of them rushing down his face.

The sheer pain of the situation made Alastor sob like a child for the first time in his adult life. He sat down beside you and grabbed your hand, "Dammit..." He squeezed tightly, "Dammit!" He let out a little shout and brought your hand to his cheek, "I hate this-" He let out a small cry, "I hate to see you like this, my poor dear-"

He couldn't stop the waves of tears sobbing from his eyes. He'd never let himself cry like this before, but he felt like if he didn't cry, he wouldn't have the chance to later. With anger, he ran a hand over his face, aggressively wiping his tears. He threw his glasses off his face and they clinked to the floor. Alastor's fingers ringed into his hair as he let out another sob and pushed his bangs out of his face. He had completely lost all of his composure. Every part of him was breaking down.

Alastor sat down in the chair by your bedside and buried his head in one of his hands. With his other hand, he still held firm to yours. His fingers dug into your skin as let out another sob, "Please-" He hiccuped, "Please...!" He looked up at your unconscious face with watery dark eyes, "Please be okay," He whispered the words out quickly as he brought your hand to his lips, "Please let me help you-" He spoke the words against your skin, "I want to help you- Please let me... Just!" He paused for another quick sob, "Please just give me a sign your still in there..."

He was never a man to pray to any kind of god. He didn't believe there was one, to begin with. But Alastor found himself praying, hoping that anything would happen. He couldn't lose you, and certainly not like this. You never sign any DNR papers or made it clear to your doctors that you didn't want to be resuscitated. But you did tell Alastor if there ever came a day that you needed machines to keep you alive, you had asked him to pull the plug.

With the weight of what was once just a silly conversation that had now come true, Alastor found himself drowning in misery. He rested his head on the back of your hand as sat in his chair. He looked at his glasses on the ground as tears splattered around them, "I don't want to kill you," He whispered with a cry, "I don't want to unplug you if there is a chance you'll come out of this."

The stone-cold silence lasted only a second between the beats of your heart monitor. A beep, then silence. Another beep, then silence again. Alastor found himself swelling with rage and anger, but mostly sadness. He shook his head slowly as he stared at the ground. This can't be happening... He thought This has to be a dream... This-

Something sounded off. The beeps were getting... faster? Alastor looked up and stared at the monitors. He didn't understand any of them, there were so many, but something was happening. He watched numbers flicker and change when suddenly he felt a tug at his hand.

You didn't make a sound or hardly move but you're squeezed his hand. Alastor had never been so hopeful for something so small. He shot out of his chair with enough force to tip it over behind him.

"Darling!?" Alastor firmly gripped your hand and leaned over you. He let his free hand brush your hair out of your face as he asked, "Darling, please, for the love of god- Can you hear me?"

He waited, and waited some more. Suddenly her felt your hand squeeze him again while he searched your face for any signs, "oh my god-" He whispered to himself as he watched your face twitch with pain before your eyes flickered open. With lightning speed Alastor ran to the door of your room and swung it open, "Someone get a nurse!" He shouted into the hallway, "Please!" He ignored most of the odd stares he was getting.

It wasn't a second later that a small team of nurses rushed in to check on you. You had certainly woken up and the tubes down your throat were not comfortable at all. The intubation tubes were removed, along with the feeding tubes, while others updated your stats. Alastor waited nervously in the corner of the room as he watched a team of people work over you. He felt so helpless that he couldn't watch for long. He'd leave the room and wait in the hallway, trying his best to ignore the painful coughs and groans as tubes were pulled out of your throat.

When the nurses left, Alastor quickly went back into the room and to your side. You had only just started breathing on your own again. It was much harder to breathe than ever before, but you still managed. You were still groggy, swore, and very much in pain. Despite this, you still let the smallest and weakest smile crawl along your lips, "Hey..." Was the first thing you said to your husband.

You watched as Alastor's eyes flickered all over your form. From the casts, the pins, the cuts, and bruises. He searched your face for serval minutes than began a weak laugh that sounded similar to a cry, "H-hey..." He said with a long sigh, he even tried to wear a smile that just didn't sit right on his face.

"Al..." You raised a weak and tired hand to his face. He immediately pressed his cheek into the palm of your hand and shook his head, "I'm sorry," You said. But you had nothing to be sorry for, you didn't cause this or intend for it to happen.

He couldn't say anything, Alastor was too caught up with his feelings. You watched him break down all over again as if he was still living with the fear that you might die, "Hey- hey," You raised your hand slightly and made him look at you, "I'm alright," It was hard to see him so broken down like this, "I'm okay, I'm here." You reassured him, "I'm not going anywhere."

Alastor shook his head quickly as if he didn't want to bother you with his feelings. He sucked in a quick gasp for air then sobbed out, "I'm not strong enough to deal with something like this- Ever-.... I can't lose you." He said quickly.

You couldn't really scoot over but thankfully the bed was rather large. You gave Alastor's arm a tug and he quickly climb in and curled up beside you. He was careful to stay clear of any broken bones as he made himself comfortable.

You stared at the ceiling while Alastor shut his eyes and buried himself into the crook of your neck, you used your free hand to comb his hair despite the pain it caused you to move, "That's alright," You finally told him, "No one is strong enough to deal with something like this. You're normally so tough and good at hiding your emotions. But you don't have to do that. I'm alive, I lived, I can be tough enough for the both of us, even if it's just for today."

Alastor curled himself as close as he could beside you. He wanted nothing more than to hide and forget about this day, he knew how impossible that was but he still wanted it. You could feel his tears running from his face and onto your skin. He couldn't stop crying when normally he never cried. He didn't even cry at his mother's funeral. Even though you were the one in the car accident, somehow you felt that Alastor was in the most pain.

"Please don't ever leave me," His voice was raspy and broken as he spoke against the skin of your neck.

With a sad and sorry look on your face, you did your best to pull him closer and wrap your arm around him. You pressed your forehead against his and you felt a set of tears drop from your eyes. You did your best to smile as you spoke, "I won't," You promised, "I'll never leave you, I'll always be here."

[delicrieux]

—MAKE YOU SAY “OH” EXTRAS: TINDER

extra meaning non-canonical occurrence; can be placed anywhere in the “make you say oh” timeline after couple (cha. 14) and before the final “oh”. 

pairing—corpse husband x f!reader warnings—tinder profiles, tw: men, swearing.  word count—2.6k. format— written. ─── ❥ req by nonnie​:  y/n makes a youtube vid/live stream where she's just swiping through her tinder acc and corpse literally blocks her lmao

author’s note—akldsljfs this was such a funny idea i could not not write it lmao

ultimate masterlist. myso masterlist

You have pulled the biggest brain move by setting up both a facecam and a screen recorder on your phone. All is beautifully displayed and visible during the stream. Your fanbase is particularly intrigued on what exactly are you planning on doing today, seeing as your tweet of “strea” had been a bit vague, if not downright ominous. No emojis. No elaboration. You couldn’t even be bothered to finish the word. Truly, a mystery. Everyone tuned in and are currently waiting with bated breath.

A few of your fans must sense upcoming doom because the overall mood in the chat turns from optimistically intrigued to...evil. It’s an entity all on it’s own now, clawing at you through the screen with various renditions of laughter and devil emojis. A few eggplants thrown in there for good measure, accompanied, naturally, by the scandalous water drops. At first the common consensus is that you’re biting the bullet and going through your camera roll on stream. Definitely an idea worth considering, though you frankly don’t know what lies at the start of the 11k photograph journey, and you are afraid to check in public. Could be a harmless meme, could be a salacious pic you had saved of an OF star. It’s really a gamble. Either way, you would definitely get banned. You might still get banned. Why do you insist on doing shit like this?

Because it’s funny. Because you’re kinda stupid. Because it’s just so absolutely laughably easy to do.

A smile quirks your lips, and while it is not explicitly smug, the look in your eyes sure is, “Greetings,” You utter lowly, dimming the lights--the budget for this stream! Ugh, you went all out, “my children.”

mother i crave violence

sensing evil energy rn!!

i do not claim the energy in this video for myself or anyone else watching this 💖💖

^with peace and love shut the fuck up

“I know y’all lowkey hoes-” Upon your words the chat splits into two: one side eagerly agrees (even shares a few OF accounts! How helpful, supporting small businesses!), whilst the other feverishly insists on innocence. You make a face stuck somewhere between offended and bewildered, “Now c'mon now-I know you. I know you all. We’re the same, don’t-what was that?”

You try to scroll back to the comment but it’s loss in the sea of incoming messages, “I swear to God I just saw-”

Corpse_Husband: i love late night streams it’s not like i have anything better to do.

“COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORPSE!!!!” 

rip headphone users

i cant feel my face when im with you by the weeknd but instead of face its my fucking ears

yall think full vol on pc is better?my parents woke up 😭😭😭😭

To think he’s spending his last waking moments for today with watching you (he probably still would have anyway, because you do not posses an ounce of shame or self-control and pester him relentlessly)! It makes your heart sing, and suddenly, a traitorous, fun hating idea barges it’s way through the crowd of incoherent buzzing and states: don’t do this. For some reason it also has the voice of Rae. As if that would work in guilt-tripping you- Rae never succeed, and her fictitious rendition in mind won’t fare much better either.

Still, you thought about it. That must count for something. Corpse will understand, won’t he? Why don’t you want to upset it in the first place? Men look so funny when they lose their shit, like hello, don’t you have anything better to do? But the image of Corpse just sitting there, hurt, distraught, leaving you on seen because he’s in his sad boy hours leaves a sour taste in your mouth. 

queen rly went from  🥺😊 to 😕 u ok bbgirl?

Corpse_Husband: no pouts cutie

akjdjoeijdfse cUTIE??? deadass boutta r.i.p.

Well that succeeded in eliminating everything from mind, doubts included. If this was an anime, the scenery would shift into something roseate, with flowers and bubbles and sparkles all around you along with a halo or two. Alas, not an anime, rather reality. The led-lights, however, seemingly possessing a will of their own, slowly turn from deep violet to pink. You smile brightly, like the absolute dumbass you are, and you are met with a ray of heart and blushing emojis. You are just so cute, a real cutie! Still in your disguise adorable state, you swipe your finger on your phone screen, the grin never leaving your lips.

There, among the plethora of apps, nestled sits a red square with a white fire plastered on it. The delicate calligraphy on the bottom reads: TINDER.

The mood changes once again- you’re giving the roaches emotional instability by how quickly everything flips over- and the chat spams eggplants vigorously; some, of course, bravely fight against the thirst.

nooooooo i thought y/n is gonna stream in a god honoring way!!!

^pack it up girl defined

“So, Charlie and I-” You note a few awfully curious comments and squint, “-yes, we talk a lot. Charlie is a really good friend of mine. We’re best friends. Brothers. Sisters. Cousins. The whole fucking family tree-no, that sounds weird. Delete. Anyway, Charlie, being the absolute fucker he is, said, hey, you know what would be funny? And I was like, nooo, what would be funny, Charlie? And he says to me, he says, says, making fun of men on Tinder. And if y’all need any more proof that Charlie and I are platonic soulmates, then dunno, my children, my roaches, I dunno-I dunno what more to give you.”

You can’t be bothered reading the comments, there’s too damn many. You also need to save your reading comprehension for the actual bios. It has a time limit, that darn thing. 

“Okay, so I made a profile earlier, but I hadn’t swiped on anyone yet-” Despite the fact, Tinder helpfully informs you that already 99+ people have swiped right on you, “So, this is me,” You show the pictures you have of yourself, and damn, not to be a conceited narcissist, but you look really good. Like if you saw yourself on Tinder, you’d super like instantly. “Uhm, so, my bio-my bio says: let’s sauce in the tub together, ya dig? splishy splashy, giggle giggle.” 

i cant believe we are witnessing y/n trying to form a coherent sentence live 

shes trying give her time

ya dig??? y not capeesh

what scene from the godfather is this lol?

“My anthem, is,” You laugh, covering your lips with your hand, “Corpsie, this is form you-” Proudly, you show that indeed, Corpse’s E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY FUCKING LIFE is listed as your anthem on Spotify, “Hehe.” Yes, you say that aloud.

Corpse_Husband: you’re killing me Corpse_Husband: thanks baby Corpse_Husband: now delete tinder ❤︎

You ignore his last quip, deciding it’s finally time to get this show on the road, “Right, let’s do this shit. I’m not actually going to swipe on any guys that look, uh, decent? Yuck, can’t believe I just said that, uhm, because I-because I feel like some actually deserve a chance with someone? I don’t wanna get anyone’s hopes up, as I am currently in a long distance relationship with Chrollo. So I’m just gonna swipe on, like, frat boy assholes. Because I don’t care if I hurt their feelings. Quite frankly I don’t think they possess them in the first place.”

The chat voices their agreements. With the ground rules set, you, giddy, click on the first profile.

Does Tinder know what you’re doing, your plan? The FBI agent watching you through your phone must be working overtime, bless his heart. They must, because the the first guy to meet you is named Jason, and there he is, blond hair and blue eyes, holding up a fish the size of his torso. Marginally adequate in looks, pretty good muscles. A solid 7 bordering on 8. He’s the same age as you, 15 miles away, and he studies at some college you don’t care enough to look up. Bio reads:

I like to drive fast. Fishing is my passion, but if you can’t catch me by the ocean, you’ll catch me catching waves, bro! Love a good gym date. You do squats, and I’ll keep a close eye to make sure you’re doing it correctly ;) You probably saw me at a party. Leader of the The Phi Kappa Psi. I’m a Gemini, if that matters lol.

You, of course, read it aloud, dramatically; provide some constructive criticism-he seems nice, but he’s a Gemini, so naturally, you can’t trust him at all! Also, that gym date session leaves little to be desired. With your rant done, you swipe right, and shocker! (not), it’s an instant match.

“Okie, I still wanna swipe of some profiles, so I’ll see what he’ll text later-” For a second you wonder the legalities of this stream, but you’re having too much fun to think of it further, “guys, I won't get sued, right?”

NOW she considers it

well....

if you do, we’ll kickstart your lawyer dw <3

Onto the next profile. Kevin, 25, is seen fixing his car- or, you assume he’s mid-fixing it, you don’t really know why else he’d hold a wrench and be covered in oil. He’s shirtless, and the caveman part of your brain echoes something closely resembling AWOOOGA!, but...but!...blonde hair, blue eyes. You pout again, “I don’t...I don’t really like blond boys, ya know? With the blue eyes and all, it’s just not my thing, uhm, unless it’s like-like...Armin from Attack on Titan. Else I don’t care.”

Onto the bio:

You have to treat a car like you treat a woman: go on long rides, take the lead, but most importantly, keep her oiled up 😜 

“What the fuck did I just read?”

The chat is equally confused. You swipe right anyway- another match. Too easy.

The stream continues without incident for a solid thirty minutes- all of your matches, expect a few that genuinely looked like normal dudes that really couldn’t write a decent bio to save their lives, had been blond hair blue eyed gym rats with ranging forms of misogyny. Some opened with asking for nudes out right, some asked about your day first before asking for nudes. You prefer the former. Straight to the point! You admire the gall. 

But then, down the forty-five minute mark a profile popped up that made you still by your phone, your smile dying as your eyes bulged. Dear God. Lord in heaven. Who is this demonspiit lookalike and why is he so fucking hot? The neck tats, the skateboard, the clothes- holy shit, you gotta close your mouth before some drool dribbles out.

No bio, just his name, Tyler, and that he’s 23.

“He boutta be 23 in me.” You mutter, swiping right with lightning speed.

WHAT DID SHE SAYYYYY?????????

tyler is y/ns karma for relentlessly mocking that one guy that had a whole ass list on what his “female” partner should be

^he deserved it and also tyler seems like a typical fuckboi y/n grow a braincell

look at mom 🥺 her eyes are sparkling

It wasn’t a match right away. You somehow expected as much, but it still upset you. Simp behavior, pathetic. The stream continued bravely, and when Tyler messaged you a simple “yo” you totally didn’t sequel. You didn’t manage to text him back on stream: texting all those guys that you didn’t really find all that attractive was easy, but this...You’re a sucker for a man who radiates red flag energy. His whole profile is a red flag. He might just be a red flag himself.

What can you do? Suddenly becoming color blind is not easy. Once the stream ends, you unmatch with everyone expect Tyler. He you chat with for a bit, but a sudden craving for different company makes you abandon him, too. You don’t feel too heartbroken for him- you’re certain there’s already too many girls in his dms. You wish them luck.

Happily, you delete Tinder. You go to Twitter, notice you’re trending again- look at you go! Queen shit- and as you compose a thank you tweet, something strange happens. You go to text Corpse, but when you click on his profile you grow cold.

YOU’RE BLOCKED. You can’t follow or see @/Corpse_Husband ‘s Tweets. 

...Pardon? You hop onto Instragram and-also blocked. Seriously? And you thought you’re one petty bitch. Corpse is seriously prissy about everything. Damn, if he didn’t like your stream, he could’ve just said so. Didn’t need to, like, block you from his internet existence. So not cool.

You try texting him but no text go through. Well how will you let him know you deleted Tinder just like he asked? You relieve your frustrations by punching your pillow a few times. Later, you apologize to her, you didn’t mean to hurt her, it’s not her, it’s you. Fuck, 5 minutes of exile and you’re already loosing your mind.

“Raeeeeeeeeeeee!” You whine loudly. It’s roughly 2am now, but you don’t care. You’re too heartbroken to care. There’s a thump from her room, but nothing else, “Raeeeeeeeee!!!” You wail, wallowing in self-pity on your bed. You hear a very loud, very annoyed sigh from her room, followed by angry marching. Your door is abruptly thrown open, and in the dim, colorful light you see her scowl.

“What?” She grits.

“Can you please tell Corpse to unblock me from everything?”

“What did you do now?”

“I made fun of men on Tinder.”

She pauses, “...That doesn’t sound so bad.” She surmises, voice laced with suspicion, “What else?”

“...There was one really hot guy that I kinda sorta talked to after--”

“Y/n.”

“-But I totally deleted Tinder and honestly he was pretty boring, so, like, uhm, please?”

She sighs, the servery of which implies she is holding the weight of the world on her shoulders, and instantly you know that you won. She taps away at her phone, “You owe me one.” She states, and before you can reply, she exits your room and slams the door behind her.

Grinning, you text his phone again. The message goes through, oh gosh, you’re so relieved you feel like crying. This has been, officially, the worst five minutes of your life.

You Y DID U BLOCK ME LOSER!!! MAJOR LOSER ALERT!! I DELETED EVERYTHING IT WAS A JOKE r u still mad at me? y u always mad at me i never do anything:(

my husband You’re my baby, how do you think I’ll react when I see you publicly simping for some asshole on Tinder?

Oh no, he used the words, he delivered the killing blow. You’re finished. Your heart can’t take such a workout. 

Not that you would ever admit it to him, though!

You hehe ur jellyyyy u always dis jealous hehe?

my husband Not jealous.

Yeah, you might not be the brightest tool in the shed, but even you know that’s a lie. You send him an array of kissy emojis that he doesn’t have the decency to reply to. Then, completely unprompted and dead serious, you send him a simple voice memo, saying: “You really have nothing to worry about, you know? You’re my favorite, Corpsie.”

He responds via text, reiterating that he’s not fucking jealous and that he just doesn’t like when you show such outward interest in anyone but it’s not like he cares or anything. It’s just really, like, weeeeird to see his baby simping for another man like that totally ruins the whole dynamic!!! It was only natural that he should block you on every social media platform, including his personal number (which, like, was completely necessary! Doesn’t matter that his viewers can’t see it, it’s gotta be super believable!), and inform his followers of that, because it’s all a joke, like, for the dynamic, that Youtube grind, you know? Ya dig? No personal feelings were involved at all. He totally wasn’t upset that you found someone else cute, no way!

my husband I’m not jealous. Lol.

You ik u repeated tht like 50 times  u trynna convince me or??? lmao

my husband No comment. ...You don’t actually talk to anyone else like we’re talking, right?

You no one else calls me their baby if thts wat ur wondering at least not to my knowledge lol im all urs

my husband That makes me very happy to hear:)

Yeah, it makes you very happy, too.

hope you liked it!! xx

[rocorambles]

Perfect

Pairing: Akaashi x Reader

Genre/Warnings: NSFW, Yandere, Toxic Relationships, Manipulation, Non-Con/Dub-Con, Forced Impregnation

Prompt: “I told you to stay still”

Summary: The perfect couple always has children. Multiple children. A full family. A house full of laughter and home-cooked meals. And you two are the epitome of a perfect couple. So why are you still so hesitant about taking the next big step?

Author’s Note: This is my contribution for my HQ Discord Server’s NSFW collaboration. There are so many talented writers on the server and I highly encourage you to check out the collaboration masterlist here to see how everyone decided to run with this spicy prompt. (Masterlist goes live Tuesday 6th October 11:00pm U.K. time!) 

Akaashi’s always been an overthinker. He can admit that. He knows it’s a flaw he’s always had and could never seem to shake off. But just because he realizes it doesn’t mean he does anything about it. And the overwhelming pressure he places on himself in everything he does only fuels the suffocating thoughts until they’re screaming in his head. Unfortunately for you, his sweet darling wife, that only means terrible things for you and suddenly every move you make is alarming, every word you say is suspicious, every breath you take painstakingly monitored. 

Akaashi just wants to be the perfect husband, the perfect lover, the perfect provider. He wants the two of you to be the perfect happily married couple, to live the perfect domestic life. So after years of playing house, of devoting all his attention and love on you, of spoiling you rotten with everything you could possibly want, when you tell him you aren’t ready to have children yet, he feels his cool facade slip and the incessant thoughts begin to drown him. 

The perfect couple always has children. Multiple children. A full family. A house full of laughter and home-cooked meals. And you two are the epitome of a perfect couple. So why are you still so hesitant about taking the next big step? Are you tired of him? Do you not want to have kids with him? Are you planning on leaving him? 

You nervously shift from foot to foot, intimidated by the chaos you see in blue eyes and you tentatively reach out to your husband, trying to understand what’s wrong, but you sigh in relief as he jolts at your touch, staring blankly at you before setting his face back to its usual serene countenance, slightly smiling at you as he nods in understanding and affectionately kisses your forehead. This is the Akaashi you’d fallen in love with and you happily sigh as you wrap your arms around his waist, letting yourself be rocked in his arms in a warm embrace, ignorant of how his face hardens as soon as his chin is tucked above your head, eyes thoughtful, mind scheming. 

It takes some coaxing, some patient conversations during your most vulnerable moments when you were still groggily rubbing the sleep out of your eyes or yawning as you lay your head on the pillow to sleep at night, but he finally gets his answers and he smiles in endearment as you worry about whether or not you’re ready to be a mom. Would you even be a good mom? Oh. He’s sure you’re going to be the perfect mother and he makes a mental note to prove that to you until you see it for yourself, but he’s grateful for the darkness that hides his grimace when you go on to talk about how you also want to focus on your career for now. It’s not that Akaashi is against women working. He doesn’t hate how happy and fulfilled you feel as you ramble on and on about work, about your coworkers, about your salary and title. He just thinks you’d be even more perfect as his pretty little housewife and he quietly plans and strategizes as your breathing gets heavier and heavier until you’re fast asleep besides him on your shared bed. 

He waits until your chest rises and falls in even rhythms before reaching over for your phone. You’ve always been so trusting, probably too trusting of him, but that works in his favor now as he flawlessly types in your password and dives into your alarms and work emails. A swipe there, a deletion here. He meticulously combs through your phone turning off your alarms, deleting important meetings, getting rid of urgent emails waiting for your response before he quietly places your phone on the nightside table by you, pleased with his work and he closes his own eyes, a small smile on his face as he peacefully sleeps. 

Luckily, he leaves for work much earlier than you, so he’s out the door before you can even realize the messy day you’re about to have and he can’t be blamed for not waking you up when your alarm doesn’t go off. He patiently waits and waits, glancing at his phone every now and then, waiting for the onslaught of panicked and distressing texts he knows you’ll send his way as your day gets progressively worse and worse. And sure enough, his phone vibrates over and over again as you send a flurry of texts steeped in negative emotions and like the perfect husband he is, he sends the consoling and comforting notes you need. And when you call, crying and sobbing about being yelled at, about how awful at your job you are, he’s there to soothe you. 

“Don’t cry, love. It’s not your fault. You’re an amazing woman. Maybe this just isn’t the right job for you or the right company for you.” 

He plants the seeds of doubt in your mind and you let them be watered by the sweet suggestions he sprinkles on you. And with just a few more flicks of his wrist in the middle of the night when you’re asleep, ignorant of your phone being used without your knowledge, and a little bit of time, you’re finally fired and he’s there, rushing back home to wrap you in his arms. But he smiles when instead of being distraught, you merely sit there quietly as you tuck yourself against him. 

“Maybe this just wasn’t the right job for me, Keiji.”

He encourages you to take some time off from the workforce. You had worked so hard for so long. You deserve a break. And you mindlessly nod along to his silky voice. Relaxing does sound nice. You had thrown yourself into your job so much that you’d forgotten what it was like to have so much free time and you begin to excitedly ponder what hobbies you could pick up to fill the days, what projects around the house you could finally get done.    

Akaashi sighs when his alarm goes off the next morning, but he sits up in confusion when the smell of freshly brewed coffee wafts through the air and he blearily turns to your side of the bed, freezing when he finds it empty. But his groggy mind begins to put two and two together and he rushes towards the kitchen where he feels like his heart might burst at the sight of you humming, an apron daintily wrapped around you as you pour a generous amount of dark caffeine in his favorite mug. And he can’t stop himself from closing the distance between you as he tenderly wraps you in his arms, turning you around until you’re face to face as he captures your lips in a good morning kiss. He wants every morning to be like this, he thinks, as he mentally captures the image of you smiling and waving goodbye to him from the apartment door. The perfect loving wife seeing her husband off.

You spend your long days at home tidying up the house, decorating spaces in the house you’d always wanted to spruce up but never had time to before, spending hours in the kitchen cooking and baking everything you’d always wanted to try. It’s nice to fall into a domestic rhythm with Akaashi and work is far from your mind as you cheerily greet your husband when he comes home, as the two of you pleasantly chat while he eats the piping hot delicious meal you’ve prepared for him, as he hand feeds you the brownies you had made as the two of you sit on the couch and watch a show together.

But as time goes on, you find yourself twiddling your thumbs a bit with just a little too much idle time on your hand now that the interior of the apartment is exactly up to your dream standards of cleanliness and decor. And you can’t help but wonder how nice it would be to have a small child running about the place, keeping you company while Akaashi is away at work. You freeze when the thought crosses your mind and your brows furrow in confusion. Where had that thought come from? You’d never wanted kids before. And yet...You quickly shove that fleeting idea to the back of your mind as you refold laundry that had already been handled, throwing yourself into anything that could distract you from the strange desires plaguing your mind. 

Little do you know how much Akaashi has influenced you in the time you’ve been stuck at home. Little do you know that the daily evening walks he takes you on after dinner are always purposefully done around the nearby children parks. Little do you know that the little comments and remarks he makes about how adorable that child is, how silly this child is aren’t as offhand as you think. They’re strategically strung together words just for you and he slightly smiles when he sees them weaving through your mind as your eyes soften and a longing smile begins to tug at your lips when you turn to look at what he’s talking about. Little do you know that it’s no accident when the two of you go shopping and find yourselves passing aisles of children’s toys and clothing. And Akaashi feels his chest tighten with affection when you unconsciously skim your fingers over the tiny shoes and onesies, asking him for his opinions. 

“Aren’t these cute, Keiji?” 

And he nods his head as he reaches down to hold your hand, interlacing his fingers with yours as you continue perusing. 

He knows he almost has you right where he wants you. He can almost see the cogs turning in your head, see you imagining a life with him and a family...your own little family. It’s time for the final step and he secretly keeps tabs on the convenient period tracking app you have on your phone waiting and waiting until your next ovulation period and when it comes, you squeal in surprise when he impatiently whisks you off to your shared bedroom and presses you down onto the bed as soon as he steps into the house after work. 

His movements are so hurried, so rough, so unlike how Akaashi normally is, but you eagerly reciprocate, excited to see this side of your husband and you’re a moaning, writhing mess as he bites and sucks every inch of your skin, a trail of red skin following in his wake as he marks up your neck, collarbones, and breasts. You’re already dripping wet by the time he finally reaches down to rub your clit and slip his fingers inside of you and your hips buck up into his touch, urging him for more. Your head is swirling with lust and you whine when he briefly slips away to guide the tip of his cock against your leaking hole and you shudder in desire when you feel him running his tip along your slit. But even in your dazed state, you feel yourself hesitate a bit when you see that he isn’t using a condom. 

“Keiji, I’m ovulating. You need to use a cond- AH!”

You’re cut off as he slides his cock inside of you, your slick walls greedily sucking him in with little resistance and you try to muster up the words to repeat yourself, but you can’t articulate anything as he leans down to suck a perky nipple as he begins to thrust in and out of you in a sensual, but thorough pattern, making sure you can feel every inch of him rubbing against your clenching walls, making sure you can feel him sink balls deep inside of him, making sure you can feel him stimulate the spongy spot inside of you that has you seeing stars. And you give up, trusting that he’d at least pull out before he cums, and you lose yourself to the feeling of being so used and filled, feeling the coil in your stomach grow tighter and tighter, and when blue eyes gaze down at you and he hungrily leans down to capture your lips in a searing kiss, you fall over the edge, your pleasured wails swallowed by your husband’s lips as he chases his own end. 

You lay there in mind numbing bliss as he continues to sink in and out of your tight heat, letting out little mewls of overstimulation, but when you feel the erratic rhythm of his thrusts and you see the telltale look on his face as he closes his eyes that indicate he’s close and he makes no attempt to pull out, you weakly shake his shoulders, squirming and wriggling your body from underneath him as you try to pull away. 

“K-Keiji, NGH you can cum on me. Okay? AH B-but, you can’t cum inside me.” 

You scream when large hands roughly grab your waist in a bruising grip and forcefully pull you down until he’s fully inside you once again. 

“Stay still.” 

You whimper, trying to be good for him, but anxiety is beginning to cloud your pleasure and you struggle once again, pleading with him and telling him you don’t want to get pregnant. But you keen when that only spurs him on to fuck you rougher, harder, deeper and your eyes roll back as you try to register the almost painful overstimulation you’re going through. 

“I told you to stay still.” 

And this time you do stay still, unable to do anything else but lay there like a good obedient wife as he pistons in and out of you, your mouth open in a persistent silent scream as your hands desperately scramble to find purchase in the rumpled bed sheets and you brokenly moan when he finally shoves inside of you with one final thrust and your stomach feels hot as spurts of liquid spill inside of you.

You’re in shock as he stays buried inside of you, trapping your body with his as he lays down on top of you, nuzzling and kissing the crook of your neck as he keeps his cum inside of you and you’re not sure how much time passes as you just lay there, mind blank as you try to come to terms with what had just happened. But when you feel his cock begin to twitch and harden inside of you once more, you frantically try to push him away from you, try to separate yourself from him. 

“Keiji, stop it! I need to go get Plan B or something. I-” 

Your mind is a chaotic swirl as you try to figure out next steps to avoid this unwanted pregnancy and you think you might throw up at the idea of being pregnant, having a child, all so suddenly, so fast. 

You’re not ready. You’re not ready. You’re not ready. 

Your thoughts are shattered to pieces when you’re shoved back down onto the mattress and you loudly wail when Akaashi begins an unforgiving pace once again, brutally slamming his hips into yours, his cum acting as lubrication, making it easier for him to plow into you and take you over and over again. And the last coherent thought you have is that you were such a fool to not realize just how much stronger, how much larger Akaashi is compared to you as your attempts to shake him off are easily ignored by the man above you. 

You don’t know how much time has passed. It feels like an eternity and you’re not sure how you’re still conscious as Akaashi breeds you over and over again. Your mouth is open in a persistent silent scream, your eyes are rolled so far back in your head you can barely see, tears and drool mar your face. Everything feels so good, too good, and you can’t stop sobbing from the overwhelming pleasure you feel as Akaashi keeps on spilling load after load of sticky white liquid inside of you and you curl into Akaashi’s body instinctively for comfort when he sinks down on top of you, exhaustion finally catching up with him. And the two of you just lay there, chests heaving as you both heavily pant, his flaccid cock still buried inside of you, plugging his cum inside of you. And even though you want to yell at him, to be angry at him for forcing this on you, you’re so spent, head empty of anything except for Akaashi that you let yourself be maneuvered until you’re both on your sides, facing each other, your lower bodies still intimately connected. 

You let out a little whimper when you feel a large hand gently stroke your cum-filled stomach, but you can feel your face and body grow hot when his other hand gently nudges your chin up to look at him and you see the look of pure love and adoration in his eyes. 

“You’re going to look so beautiful with your belly bulging with my children, our children.” 

You let out a breathy gasp when he teasingly fondles one of your pebbled nipples and palms your fleshy mound. 

“You’re going to look so beautiful when these swell up with milk. I wonder if our children would be willing to share some with their father.” 

Sweet word after word spills from his lips and you listlessly lay there listening to him go on and on, painting a picture of what your future lives together would look like, and before you can catch yourself from falling deeper into his trap, your mind betrays you and images flash across your vision and you unconsciously draw even nearer to Akaashi, cuddling into his body affectionately as picture perfect scenes of you braiding a little girl’s hair while Akaashi teaches a little boy how to play volleyball flicker across your imagination. And when Akaashi feels you gently place your hand on top of his hand that’s still cradling your stomach practically sloshing with the amount of liquid he’s gifted you with tonight, he knows he’s got you hook, line, and sinker. 

That night the two of you fall asleep, dreaming about the perfect life you’re going to have together.

[mskimkaty]

I AM THAT GIRL

angst, slight fluff, smut

WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF DEPRESSION, MENTAL ILLNESS, SUICIDE, SELFHARM, DRAMA, SMUT, VANILA SMUT, SWEARING, KIM JENNIE IS A BITCH HERE AND SO OTHER MENTION REAL LIFE PEOPLE BUT ITS PURELY FICTIONAL.

synopsis:Johnny Suh, the most popular boy in college, tried to take his life? what could possibly go wrong with his wealthy background, popularity, and basically having everything in the palm of his hands?

expected word count: 12,692

release date: 01/18/21 (somehow, got deleted. so Im reposting)

details: college!au, strangers to friends to lovers!au.

JohnnySuh x reader.

Johnny Suh walked the hallways in his college ground and not one passerby gives him the freedom to do his business. Students give him a look of pity, as acquaintances try to give him fake words of comfort that disgustingly crawls at the back of his skin.

They were just into the gossip, but they never really care. It was obvious from how they whisper behind his back for looking out of place and out of character, he could see their mocking gazes every time he walks past them.

he pulled his hood up and covered his old blonde hair now dyed into jet black, the usual smile plastered on his lips was now in a tight line and was placed the usually friendly demeanor with a scowl on his face.

people are staring, not in a good way, but because he looks ridiculous in their minds.

"Youngho, if you need anything, I'd gladly do it for you." Johnny heard his Korean name roll of someone's lips and now he feels disgusted with himself for the 9th time that day, he was back to zero and the acid rushes past his throat and he might vomit with the anxiety building up in the pit of his stomach upon hearing his birth name. He halts his movements and turns around to face Kim Jennie.

How does she have the nerve to say that when she cheated on him with Jongin? He treated him like a brother. Her hands travel on his biceps, the usual warmth he felt in the past now buried at the back of his memories, and now, he's just disgusted with her. He ignored her and continued walking past her, Jennie's peers were instantly beside her to console her with words of comfort because her ex-lover practically brushes her off like she was nothing.

You didn't expect a drama unfolding in front of you while standing in your locker area, Christmas break was finally over, and now students are back putting their noses in other people's business. Especially, Johnny Suh's business.

You shrugged your shoulders and walks back to your class, this is definitely a way to start your first day at this University.

Johnny sat at the far back of the room, sporting unusual dark clothing rather than the usual light colors of his wardrobe, the professor walks in, shaking his head upon seeing him at the back completely not understanding how Johnny's mind works.

Johnny knows, just by the look his professor is giving at him, he knew and have seen that twice already — he couldn't control the urge to stand up harshly making the chair he was using falls down to the ground as he walks to the door not bothering to look back, stunning everybody in the room.

When Johnny came back to school after his attempt, he felt more pulled down in the darkest pit inside him, he was unhappy more than he did when he was attempting. The funny part? when people knew about his attempt, people started flocking around him as they cared, but it was obvious. They just wanted to be with him because of his surname and money.

Even Jennie did not differ from the other students trying to impress him. The sad part about it is that he genuinely liked her, but she was just up for it because of the money and fame, and maybe the good fuck. His friends were no different, people might think that he's happy being the captain of the football team, but his life was toxic with every moment. He was in more pain than ever, his friends who were his teammates low-key discarded him thinking he's a freak saying he needed to seek attention.

Johnny knew that they weren't practically saying that to his face, but they were showing it.

They weren't wrong, he knew that, but it was different. They were all trying to impress him, worshiping the ground he walks on and now he's on the rocky side of the road, they drop him? because their parents told them to?

Johnny empties his locker, blindly shoving everything in his duffle bag when his best friend, Kim Jongin, walks inside. He hardly shoved everything inside his bag and harshly closed his locker's door, scowling at the older boy.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay?" he heard him. "This isn't you at all, why are you suddenly changing? Johnny, I already said I'm sorry." that's the ugly fact. People around him are blind enough not to notice the slight changes in him and the little signs that he wasn't mentally stable.

"This isn't an apology. You're asking me to suck it up. It's Different."

Lunch came and Johnny has nowhere to go, not with all the pity looks the student body is giving him, he had a take-out for his meal and had his lunch alone in an empty room. deciding he has no appetite to eat something, he walked out of the building and drove out to Nakamoto Yuta's basement. He's supposed to be dead two weeks before this day, but here he was, seeking for Yuta's dirty business.

"Johnny Suh." Nakamoto Yuta was known for his dirty business around campus, selling overpriced illegal transactions under the table, tattoos, and piercing. "Stop talking like I'm some god. No god would try to kill himself."

"figures."

"I don't understand, how are you still in the university and not behind bars?" Johnny asks after taking a long drag on his blunt.

"This is the only way to have food on the table, and I need to graduate. I rather do these than sell my body."

Sadly enough when Johnny checked his phone, no calls or messages from his parents. As cliche as it sounds, he wants his father to check on him but after seeing him in his room bathed in his blood on the ground, his father drifted more away from him.

When he got home that night, his family was having dinner without him, his younger sister, Yerim, ran up to him and hugged him. "Oppa, where have you been? I've been calling you." his sister was the only purest being for him, and he distances himself around her, he doesn't want him to expose her to things that only he knew.

"Yerim, go to your room." the impersonal voice of their father surrounds the dining area and Yerim flinch. looking up to his eyes before walking away.

Kim Ji hoon walks up to him and looks at him with disdain. "Stop being a disgrace, If you can't act like your invisible. I don't need a disgrace in this house." It wasn't new to Johnny anymore.

His father may not be vocal about it in the past but he knew that his father doesn't want him to breathe the same air he does, if God may allow it, he knows that his father wanted him dead, he wanted his father to acknowledged him, and he did everything, that was when Johnny was kissing up to his reputation of being the good son, ace-ing all his grades, being the captain of the football team, doing unnecessary extracurricular activities for extra points, being the good boyfriend, good friend, good son, and a good brother, but it was all too much for him, he felt that he was borrowing someone's life to the point that he doesn't recognize him anymore.

His father hated him so much that he didn't even give him his last name, and the ugly part about it is that Johnny understood his father because he was the reason his mother died. "You can't even do one thing properly, and now everyone living in this town knows about you killing yourself."

"Are you saying that I didn't properly kill myself?" he wanted to vomit. He chuckled as he ran his hands down his locks. "Go fuck yourself," he murmured and walk down to the guest room where he was temporarily sleeping, his step-mother hasn't asked the helpers to clean his room's carpet that is still bathed in his blood, he looked at his wrist that is covered in a bandage, the ugly reminder that he was unhappy and that there is no saving from this anymore. Finding the reason to wake up was hard enough and going to school was another thing, but he did anyway.

People still gossip behind his back, ugly as it sounds, people are disgustingly twisted. He smirked upon hearing he still looked hot as fuck with black hair, one student saying she would gladly do him, blonde or black.

"Jennie must have cheated knowing that he's a freak."

"hey, he might hear you, lower your voice."

"He needs to seek professional help."

"I don't understand him at all. His popular, his ex-girlfriend was fucking hot, he's rich, has great looks, and has a hella hot of a sister." something snapped inside him when he heard some asshole talked disgustingly about his sister.

Before he could even think properly, Johnny repulsively pushed the guy up to the wall. "The hell!" the stranger shouted as the other students stop to stare.

"Did you fucking talked about my sister like that?"

People are staring not because of an aggressive man pushing a full-grown body against the wall like it's nothing. it's not uncommon to see a fistfight for the entire student body to see, people are staring because, Johnny Suh, for once stunned everybody with his demeanor that is completely out of his character. Yes, he is a big guy, but he was kind, sweet, and friendly, so Johnny using force for the first time against someone was a sight to see, added to the fact that this is the first time people heard him cursing, and If eyes could kill already, the guy who talked shit about his sister is practically dead right now, he would brush it off in the past, blindly ignoring gossip about him but this is the first time that someone disrespects his sister right in front of his face and definitely, it is the first time that he gave less fuck about his reputation.

Johnny stared at the man that lacks the urge to answer him, him sending shivers down the stranger's spine. He manhandled the guy and throw him down the floor. "You had the nerve to run that filthy mouth against my sister but doesn't have the balls to answer when I'm confronting you?" he smirked and walked away.

Johnny spent the whole week going to the university but doesn't bother attending his classes, he doesn't want to be left alone at home but doesn't want to go to his classes. He just lost every motivation to do something productive.

Johnny walked his usual path these past few days, going to an empty room on the 4th floor of the Marketing's building to kill time, he gently pushed open the door and saw you changing your clothes. You were almost done, putting your white dress shirt over your shoulder without noticing that you're giving a stranger a free show.

Johnny freezes up, staring and lingering more than usual. He was mesmerized by how your skin glistens under the light slipping through the windows, but what made him stop on his track is the lack of hair you have in your body. It's just smooth skin all over your body.

When you felt someone behind you, you turn your body around to look at the intruder, you saw someone and instantly locked eyes with him. At first, you were scared of seeing Suh Johnny behind you, Johnny got a full view of your unbuttoned shirt and your chest clad in your undergarments. it's not like you saw a ghost, he didn't die per se, but then it has drawn to you, that Johnny, in the flesh, saw you changing clothes. Your reflex acts up and you turn yourself away from him, pulling your clothes to hug yourself, you fix your buttons as you run out to get out of the embarrassment.

The next day, you went to your usual spot in the library to eat your lunch when you saw somebody sitting on your chair. You shrug your shoulders and sit across the stranger who had his head tucked in his arms on the table. You were excited to eat your favorite sandwich because your mother specially made it for you, it was a rare moment given your mother raised you and your sibling alone, having to work two jobs at a time just to put food on the table and to send you to a good school. You appreciate her and love her with all your heart, she was the only one you had next to your older brother, you were good at being invisible, it was your last semester at the university. Trying to finish one subject and your practicum silently like you didn't exist at all. You laughed at the fact that you had no one in this damn hell, but you didn't care.

You started eating your sandwich in silence while opening a good book to read, you were happy in your bubble. Johnny must have heard you as you flip pages after pages. His stomach growling after registering the wonderful smell coming from his surroundings. When he lifts his head, his eyes flicked to your form, silently eating while reading a book, you were so happy in your little bubble, giggling while reading. He straightens his back and you notice the guy across you, putting a face in the stranger who sleeps across you.

A blush crept up on your face when you realize it was Johnny again, you remembered the recent events that happened between the both of you, and your embarrassed ass started coughing hard, you hold your neck rather than reaching for the bottled water in front of you as you choke none stop in front of him. He was left dumbfounded for a couple of seconds but reach for the bottle and unclasp it before handing it to you, you chugged half the contents down your throat and he watched you with fascination.

"Thank you." You said in a small voice.

You put the bottle back in its place as silence hangs in the air, it wasn't a bad kind of silence, but it was awkward. You offer him the other half of your sandwich as you watch him look at you questioningly. "Your hungry." It wasn't a question. You knew he was hungry given you kept hearing his stomach growling a while ago. "You know a little food won't hurt you right?"

Johnny laughs at your ironic statement but accepts your offer anyway, "Don't get your hopes up, I'm not up for a casual relationship." he says as you thought that he wouldn't accept your offer, given that he's rich and can buy a much better lunch than what you're currently having, but then again, you shouldn't judge a book by its cover.

"I was just offering you food."

"Thanks." When he finished your sandwich rather quickly, he went back to sleeping in front of you. He liked hearing the sound of you flipping pages after pages as you read your book silently in front of him and the occasional giggle you let out when read something funny. When he woke up to go home, you were gone, but you left your coat as you hung it around his shoulders to keep him warm.

When he came back the day after, in the library, you didn't come back.

The next morning, Johnny awoke earlier than usual, heading to his car without giving a glance at his family, Yerim saw him and was rather puzzled at the baby pink coat he was holding delicately in his arms. He drove fast to get to the university, walking inside the library to wait for you if ever you were going to be there again.

Lunch came, and your guess was right, you see the same blacked haired boy taking a nap in your usual spot with your coat right beside him. You sat across him again and started minding your business, but this time, you had another bag of sandwiches repaired for him. You weren't ignorant about Johnny's attempt, but you choose to respect his space, you knew that he wasn't mentally stable yet. He might look fine outside and you might not know what goes inside his head, but you knew that he isn't fine. No one's mentally stable, everybody has their hardships in their private lives going on right now, but the important thing is that people shouldn't use it against someone, and as long as they don't step on other people to feel better for themselves then it's good.

You might not understand what he's going through right now, you weren't friends, to begin with, but you feel for him. Sincerely.

Johnny felt peaceful for once after many years, it was an odd feeling, but it wasn't bad. You were browsing your phone, checking your emails and your mother's, clearing and archiving unimportant ones. You look at the time and it was already half past lunchtime. Wednesday is a pain in the ass for you, you have to wait for 5 hours until your next class in the afternoon. You didn't notice Johnny waking from his nap, seeing as you still haven't touched the sandwich bags in front of you, he's guessing you still haven't eaten.

"I'm Johnny."

You look at the man in front of you, his usual strawberry locks are now turned into black, sporting a gray hoodie over his black shirt and matching gray track pants. You study his expression, his not extending his hands for a handshake nor his face valid of any emotion, yet you smile and said "What happened to not being in a casual relationship?"

Johnny was taken back, you give him the sweetest smile you could offer and handed him the extra sandwich you had, "You know, some people would reply with their names." he said as he accepts the food that you offered, you look at him as if contemplating before speaking.

"Y/n"

"I'm not sure, but what department are you from?" he asked after taking a bite of his food. "This is good, by the way. Who made this?"

"What question do you want me to answer first?" you asked laughing. "My mom made it, and I'm from the same department as you, Though, I just transferred to this school after the Holidays,

If he was shocked he didn't show it, Johnny nods his head as if acknowledging you, "I just want time to pass by quickly and silently, that's why no one knows I exist here. I'm just trying to live another day until I graduate." You said making Johnny fall silent.

"Good for you," he replied after a good minute with the both of you munching on your foods. "Was it hard?" he asked.

"What is?"

"You don't seem to have anyone, do you even have friends?" you laughed at his statement because it was the truth. "Yeah, something like that. It wasn't that bad I might have no friends because I choose not to have any relationships with anybody in here."

"That sucks, I'm not going to ask the reason why you transferred in the middle of the semester because that's your business, not mine," he says, you study his face and you weren't sure whether to run your mouth over his business or not, deciding against it you stood up and take your things with you. "Let me show you something."

Walking down the stairs while both of you kept a little distance, you lead him to the visual room, pulling the keys in your backpack and unlocking it. "Why do you have a key to the AVR?" he asks bewildered.

"Perks of being the teacher's pet," you replied as you pulled him inside, turning the computer and projector on, you played a video about constellations and aimed the projector above.

Stars hover above the two of you and you urge him to lay down beside you, looking up and taking a moment of peace to embrace both of you.

"When things get hard and I tend to be alone; let's be honest, no one wants to feel lonely, especially at the hardest times of our lives. But then, you can't force someone to be there with you physically and emotionally and it sucks to have yourself suck it up for being alone. So, I do this, I take my time staring at these constellations. You see, they're really beautiful to me. I find them fascinating, they have this beautiful meaning behind them, it was always fun finding their patterns, connecting them until they're complete, you just have to look closely, in that way, you'll appreciate them more." you smile while pointing above you, he might not look at you but your presence beside him does him wonders, it was so powerful that even if he closes his eyes, he still feels you beside him. The warmth he was feeling coming from you, your steady breathing, and your sweet scent.

You spent your Mondays and Wednesdays with Johnny, eating lunch together, or spending time as you watch different constellations every week.

Friday morning, you made a quick detour to your department before clocking in for your practicum, before leaving the premises a professor asked you for a favor and you agreed to make a copy of the files she was asking for. When you came back from the printing room, you saw a commotion ahead. It wasn't you to pry on other people's business, but your legs must have their mind when you saw a familiar tall build that is clad in a black hoodie.

Johnny Suh stands in the middle with Kim Jongin and Kim Jennie on the other side. He was hyperventilating.

"Just leave, please." Kim Jongin shouted at him, you can see the obvious horror written on everyone's faces. Kim Jennie was stuck beside Jongin as she shed tears silently, disbelief written in Johnny's face.

"Do you know what went wrong? it's because you were never enough." Jennie drops the bomb for everyone to hear, Johnny was livid. If he could crush everything that he could see he would take the chance and do it. If he could take his life again, he wouldn't give a single fuck and he'll gladly do it.

"I can't believe you both. I wasn't the one who cheated with my best friend, why the fuck do you act like it's my fault?" you heard Johnny said and for the first time your heart broke for him.

You found him in your usual spot in the library, his head hanging low and his body shaking as he tries to catch his breath. You drop your coat over his head and give him the bottle of water you were holding, instead of sitting across him, you sat next to him without overstepping and respecting his space to cool down.

When he started to calm down, he handed your coat back to you, stood up, and left the library. Saying you were dumbfounded was an understatement but you choose to understand him.

Days passed by and Johnny was still a no show. When a week has already passed without seeing Johnny, you started to get worried. You wished you asked for his number, but then again, you weren't even that close, to begin with. You decide to spend your long-vacant in the visual room, playing random constellations as you think about a certain boy.

When that certain boy suddenly appeared right in front of you. "I'm sorry." He had his hands inside his grey sweatpants.

"What matters is that you came."

Johnny joined you on the floor, staring up at the ceiling, after a moment of silence, he spoke up. "Why did you help me? why do you even care about me at all? I'm a mess."

"Aren't we friends?" You asked even though it was clear that he turned your offer of friendship down a while ago.

"What you said about the constellations earlier made me realize how I took myself for granted and at the same time how ungrateful I am."

You look at him and give him the chance to speak up. "I didn't have the will to live, do you know that you are annoyingly optimistic about everything?" He jokingly asked, and you laughed with him.

"Is that a compliment or what?"

"I still don't have a reason to be here." He suddenly says. Johnny looks at your face as if reading you, he was prepared to see you pitying him but there was none.

"You don't have to look for it. You have yourself because, at the end of the day, you only got your own back," you turn to him as you give him a look. Johnny envied you, it was obvious, and you can read him like an open book. "Don't, don't look at me like that, Johnny Suh." the way his name rolled down your tongue felt flawless, as if you were born to say his name out loud.

"We all have our shortcomings, I'm not perfect nor are people around me, no one is, and we have to accept that fact, give less care about people who can't accept that."

"It's not as easy as it seems," Johnny says, your hand brushing back the stray hair that falls on his forehead as if your hand has a mind of its own. "Sorry-"

"It's fine. I like it." Both of you turn towards the ceiling as you continue to watch the stars, keeping the comfortable silence and just hang around each other.

For weeks, spending time in the library and the visual room to watch the stars has been your thing with Johnny Suh, you couldn't even imagine being friends with the likes of him, you view him as a constellation star, he's mysterious behind his disguise as he tends to fool everyone with, he was hard to reach and was always up above you, he brightens the surroundings like how the stars brighten the night sky, for you, he was more than the famous campus boy that everybody likes, even if he can't realize that.

Weeks passed by and you look forward to your Mondays and Wednesdays than the fact that you are graduating.

You were busy transferring your books to your backpack as you stand in front of your locker when Johnny came to you. "I didn't know we have the same classes."

You were stunned when you saw him talking to you in the open, students started looking in your way as if seeing a history. The most known guy in the University is with a nobody, but you shrugged it anyway as you closed your locker's door. You bite back at your tongue with all the attention you were getting, anxiety creeping out to you but you choose to ignore it.

"You weren't even attending your classes," you told him as you fix your backpack, the both of you started walking, keeping the same slow pace and taking your time.

"Well, I now have a reason, at least," he says as he grabs the strap of your bag and slings it in his shoulder. You ignore the bubbly feeling inside you and continued walking. Smiling at yourself as you forget about the stares around you.

"You're so cheesy, Suh Johnny." You giggled at him and for the first time, you saw a genuine smile creeping on his face.

When Lunch came, both of you sat outside to enjoy the sunny weather. "I'm going to start my Practicum next week," Johnny told you suddenly, and you stood up so fast to walk around the table to hug him.

"I'm so glad!" the sincere happiness is written on your face that even Johnny laughs with you.

"Thanks to you, I feel like, there's more to it than ending my life at the age of 21," he says and you shake your head at him.

"No, I didn't do anything. It's mostly you. I'm just here beside you to guide you, but it's your own will."

"I'll be honest with you, hurting myself still runs on my head but the difference this time is, I'm scared to do it." you didn't know what to reply to that so you just extend your hands towards his and hold it firmly in your grasp.

The rest of your day went ahead without you noticing, time flies by rather quickly when you are with Johnny. You stood waiting for your bus to arrive when a black Audi stops in front of you. Its windows rolling down and you see Johnny peeking through the window to smile at you.

"You want to wait for your bus or be logical and save time?" you laugh at his way of asking you for a ride but walk towards the passenger to join him in his car otherwise. The car ride was rather chaotic, you were debating about what to put first, milk or cereal, and you felt the horrors when Johnny says he puts milk in first. He was laughing like a child at how horrified you look.

"Anything's fine with me. I put whatever in first," he says after a long minute of arguing.

"I'm telling you, not to live like that!" you argue back. "Cereal comes first and then milk goes in, just imagine, do you pour the soap first before the water? it's water before the soap!" you explained and he laughs at how rilled up you get.

The argument was cut off when you arrived at your house. Johnny parked his car in front of your house and for some reason, your mother came in wearing an apron over her clothes. She raises an eyebrow at the unknown car blocking her driveway and you look at Johnny who looks back at you.

"Your mother is intimidating." He says.

"Want to come over for dinner?" you ask, and It took him a second before responding, " You think that's a good idea?"

"Come on, Mr. Suh, grow some balls, it's just my mom." Johnny looks offended at your statement.

"I have balls that girls flock around with," he retorted. You sigh and open the passenger seat greeting your mom with a smile as you ran to hug her.

"Can my friend stay for dinner?" you asked after hugging her. Johnny is behind you as he introduced himself as your friend and your mother shocked him by giving him a warm hug.

"There's still room for another boy in my house, I believe, it's no problem." Your mother stated as Johnny gives you a confused glance. Your mother invited him in and you welcomed him.

Inside, your older brother, Taeil is strumming his guitar with three other guys in the living room. "Oh, This is my Brother, Taeil." you casually said at him as you hung both of your jackets.

"You didn't tell me you have a brother." He whispered at you, standing awkwardly beside you. Taeil waved at him and you push him to sit beside Jaehyun.

"This is Jaehyun, Doyoung, and Ten. They're all bandmates during high school so they're always here for my brother," you explained. "And your mother's cooking." Ten added.

"Well, now you know," You said as you turn to him. "Let me just go to my room and freshen up real quick, just make yourself feel at home," you say as you back up on your track. "Cool."

Johnny didn't feel out of place for some reason, he was really happy that he got to meet your brother and his bandmates, they were cool to be around. They entertained him and ask what were his hobbies are and for the first time, he took his time to think about what he likes to do. He likes to draw.

When dinner was served, all the boys helped your mother to set up the table, Johnny was persistent in helping even after telling him to sit and wait because he was a guest. You let him help otherwise.

Dinner was well spent, he enjoyed talking with everyone and your mother even asks him to visit anytime he wants. Taeil takes a liking to him, asking him to hang out whenever he's free. Johnny presented to do the dishes and you helped him when he was done his shirt was a total mess because of the water splashing through the faucet, a good thing is that your brother has some clothes that are way oversized for him, and he lets Johnny use them.

You handed him the shirt, accidentally seeing a huge bruise on his chest and stomach, before you knew it, you stop him as he was about to put his shirt on. "What happened?"

His bruises must have slipped his mind and he mentally cursed himself at it. You were horrified. "Johnny, are you getting beat up?"

"I don't want to talk about this," he pulled his shirt down "Y/n, It's getting late. I should head home now. Thank you for dinner, I enjoyed it." and before you know it, Suh Johnny was gone.

Weeks passed by and Johnny was a complete no show. Faint rays of the sun trickled down through your curtains and fell on your room's marbled floor, you look up at your window and were blinded by the light, sitting up, you let your feet hovered on your marbled floors and mentally prepare yourself for the day.

In the office, your instructor asked you to copy some files and you gladly agreed to do it as you don't have much going on for the time being. You thought that it was hard doing your practicum, but all you did at the office was run errands evolving the x-ray machine. Your mind drifted back to Johnny, you'll have to talk to him. Being worried about him is already killing you and the last time you saw him was three weeks ago.

Wednesday came and you sat at your usual spot in the library, studying for the upcoming exams as you patiently wait for the tall black-haired guy. You forced yourself to do some actual studying but for some reason, all you can think about was Suh Johnny who didn't even show up.

The week passed by in a blur and on Thursday you went to your University to take the exam, you were scheduled for the second batch, and instead of your usual schedule of Wednesday, your professor divided your class into two batches.

You weren't even aware that your exams already finished as you were walking to your locker to put away some books.

You understood that Johnny had issues and you hated that you can't do anything to help him. You would do anything for him if that means for the comfort inside him and his peace of mind. You might not know the reason for his depression but everyone has a reason and you know that everybody around you has some issues going on in their private lives. You look around, seeing other students do their thing, minding their own business, some are even bored and waiting for their exams, You saw Jennie and Jongin together looking at you with disgusted faces that you shrugged off.

Johnny saw you as you mindlessly walk your way to the visual room, and he followed behind you silently, as he looks over his ex-girlfriend and ex-best friend. He realized he never really had a connection with Jennie before, they were both just into the sex, and then it gets awkward when they started to talk.

You were already done setting the projector up, walking in the center to lay down when you heard someone entered, and when you saw Johnny at the entrance of the room, his hands on his sweatpants pocket as he gives you a look, you stood up and ran to give him a big hug. You shed tears for him, as you give him a tight hug.

"Why are you crying?" he asked.

"Aren't we friends?" You asked him as you hold him in your arms. "Friends share their pains. So, I'll be here. I just want you to know that I'll be here when you needed someone to be there with you." Johnny fought his tears but who was he kidding? He yearns for someone's affection and not because of who he was but because it was him. And this time, he finally had someone to share his pains with. People already viewed him as someone going on a phase, probably someone rebelling against his parents but Johnny was more than that. He didn't care about it, though. He learned to give less fuck about insignificant people around him.

"My father used to beat me up, Football was just an excuse to cover up these bruises." He admitted. He was disgusted and embarrassed about it. But it was you, and he knows that you're not one to judge someone based off on their appearances.

You shed more tears for him. "Johnny, You don't deserve that, no one deserves that," you say caressing his cheeks. You hated the cheesy statement but you ignore it anyway, what you were feeling at the moment isn't important. Johnny was opening up to you.

The two of you manage to have time off from the university and Practicum. (Johnny started his practicum last, last week, that's why he was MIA most of the time, that time.) Johnny was hanging out at your house, the problem was, your mother and brother are both at work, so you take it to yourself that being alone with him, at your house, is inappropriate. You drag him outside, leading the way to one of your favorite diners.

"I am telling you, you're going to regret that," you said.

"What's wrong with what I ordered?" Johnny did this little thing in his nose, and you take a moment to look at him as you smile at him. You ignore the stares around you, feeling like a sore thumb sticking and obviously, out of place. Johnny scowl at the man who was drunk out of his wits, shamelessly checking you out. This wasn't the first time, this always happened, but not to you though. You told him to ignore it, that man was probably in here to order a cup of coffee.

"Their chicken and waffles here are the best! I'm telling you, I'm not going to share with you."

One pout of his lips towards you and you were switching your plates towards Johnny. You told him, only because this was the first time that he got to try out your favorite dish, and there won't be a second chance in the future. Johnny was kind enough to share a piece of waffle with you. But not the chicken, though. He fell head over heels for it.

Bit by bit, Johnny's walls crumbled down around you, and before you knew it, both of you are inseparable. Johnny dating you spread like wildfire around campus, but there wasn't any truth behind that gossip, you were just a friend. Simple as that.

He was hanging more lately with your brother than you expected. Both of them have the same interest, so it wasn't a surprise when Johnny befriended most of your brother's friends.

Johnny was going on about how Jaehyun's a chill guy, Mark, and Donghyuck introducing him to play games, even Yuta, the University's drug dealer, as they brand him, was included in Taeil's group of friends.

"You didn't tell me that you knew Nakamoto Yuta," Johnny whispered behind you.

"Yeah, For some reason, I didn't want to get involved with most of them. Some girls are crazy about them and I just want peacefulness as I end my college years." You answered. Yuta was from the same department, Jaehyun was from the same university but was taking a different course, as well as Doyounga and Taeyong. Mark and Haechan still need a year before attending college. Ten was studying arts and your brother was a college dropout.

You were having pizza night at your house, your mother was kind enough to accommodate a bunch of men in her tiny house, seemingly impossible to fit 13 men inside, but it did. Instead of the usual party that frat houses and rich kids throw around, Taeil and the others like to keep it to themselves. Sharing one shot glass and downing a cheap rum as everybody waits for their turn. Most of them didn't think that Johnny would be fine with this kind of setup. Besides, he was branded as the campus king and a rich heir at that. He could spend Friday nights at some high-end bar and drink expensive alcohol. But no, instead, here he was, sitting on the cheap carpet your mother owns with a bunch of drunk men but you were glad that your brother is such a nice guy and so are his peers.

Johnny was glad, that he found true people, who accepts him for who he is and not because of who he was.

Doyoung placed you on the empty sofa, you have a low tolerance for alcohol, and you can't keep up with them anymore. The cheapest drink Taeyong bought isn't of cheap quality, you knew better than to judge a bottle chosen by him. You watch them with heavy eyelids, smiling at yourself, Mark and Donghyuck made fun of you by putting thick blankets around you and this was the first time Johnny saw you annoyed by the younger boys.

When Morning came, you were already on your bed as your head pounds. When you came downstairs to leave for school you look around and saw that last night's trace was gone as if 13 grown men didn't make a mess out of your mother's living room.

You wished you had gotten a coffee first when you entered your room way too early and saw that most of the students are yet to arrive, even water would be good, anything liquid down your throat would be good.

You saw Jaehyun and Johnny bidding farewells at the front of the room, students who were present to see the two interacting were shocked, for them, It was rare to see Johnny without his usual crew. But, who are they to decide that for Johnny? It was a rare sight to see, A popular music major and the famous ex-football captain, together?

When Johnny approached his spot beside you, he gives you the cold Iced latte he was holding fresh from Starbucks, completely ignoring unwanted stares behind his back.

"Good Morning," there was a warm aura surrounding him as he settled down beside you, and you look at him in awe. "What?" he asks.

You watched him for a moment, smiling at him as he looks at you questionably. "You're happy," you stated making Johnny pause for a second to think, he was sporting a baby pink hoodie and grey Nike pants, holding his Earpods and Macbook at the other hand. "I think I might be getting there."

Your heart swells up for him and as you fought back the tears that wanted to fall. Johnny reached out to you, wiping the strands of hair that keep falling on your face. "Sorry," you said. People might think that yesterday, Johnny was trying to end his life, and then suddenly, he was okay, because he never was, and you continuously walk on a thin thread around him, Johnny is like a ticking bomb and porcelain that needs to be handled with the utmost care. Five months ago, Johnny doesn't have the motivation to continue living his life, but here he was thriving to know what tomorrow can offer him.

For Johnny, meeting you was his saving grace, problems might fill up in his life, there is this constant reminder that society will always judge him the minute he does something wrong, there is his father, his stepmother who doesn't really pay attention to him, his old life and old self constantly reminding him the pain of the past.

"What happened to your eyes?" there were dark circles under his eyes and for a moment you thought that he has a lot in his mind to think about for the lack of sleep.

"I stayed up till dawn playing overwatch with Donghyuck and Mark last night." He says smiling.

"I'm glad your settling with the boys all right." Johnny watched you, how your long hair flow past your shoulders through your back, he loves the little freckles dancing all over your cheeks naturally and how a touch of pink creeps in your cheeks naturally because of the humid air.

You were really glad. "Do you want to go with me and Ten?" He asks you when your classes ended for the morning, both of you walked to the library to hide from prying and malicious eyes. "He wants to hang out in the nearest coffee shop." he continued and you agreed to go with him, making a turn for the exit.

Johnny ordered an Americano for him and a latte for you, eating the packed lunch your mother made for you and Johnny as you wait for Ten.

Ten arrived with Jaehyun in tow, placing their bags down Jaehyun took the seat beside you while Ten walked to the counter to order their drinks. Johnny looked at you and Jaehyun but ignore the malice running in his head.

"Kim Yerim!" the three of you looked at the entrance to see Johnny's sister entering the cafe, Yerim waved at someone across their table and saw his sister's friend Park Sooyoung waving frantically. Johnny turned to look at you and Jaehyun ignoring his sister who started walking inside, "What happened to you?" he asks Jaehyun,

"Why?"

"You're turning really red." Johnny pointed out and you snickered at Jaehyun who turns to look at Johnny's sister absentmindedly. "Man, That's my sister!" Johnny whispered-shout at him as he fought the urge to laugh at Jaehyun. Someone definitely has a crush on his little sister.

You and Johnny eyed each other, laughing as you both understood telepathically. "What's so funny?" Ten asks when he arrived and the both of you laughed loudly this time.

"Hyung!" Jaehyun shouted at him his ears turning red.

When Johnny got home, he locked himself up in his room that his step-mother finally asked to clean. He was busy waiting for Donghyuck and Mark to play when he heard a knock on his door.

"Can I come in?" His step-mother asked. Yerim's mother is a great person, but that doesn't really mean that she's a good mother to both him and Yerim, he can't really judge her though, she's still young and living her dreams but then his father got her pregnant with Yerim and then here she is stuck at this hell of a household, all three of them under the strings of his father.

"Yes." He says.

Kim Ah-Jong walked inside, placing a warm cup of milk beside him for the first time, "Johnny," She started as he settled at the edge of Johnny's bed facing him. Johnny turns his chair to face her too, holding the warm mug in his hand to seek comfort in this awkward setting.

"I don't know how to start, but I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry," she paused for a second, ignoring the lump in her throat, "I hope you forgive me for replacing your mother's position, and that I'm really grateful because you love your sister more than anything even though you didn't have the same mother."

"It's the least that I could do." He says.

"Yes, I know, and I'm sorry if I failed you as a mother, I was busy finding myself to the point you and Yerim grow up without the right amount of affection from us. We're such horrible parents and I wanted to say sorry on behalf of your father. You don't deserve this, no one else did."

That night, Johnny slept soundly in his own home for the first time in a while.

Yerim was shocked to see her mom attending to his brother, it's as if she suddenly had a change of heart and finally started to be a mother to his brother. Her father was another problem, he still hasn't moved on from his son's attempt. Spitting atrocious words early in the morning making Johnny regret even joining the breakfast.

Kim Ah-jong had enough of his husband's wrath, it was still morning and his husband is starting to get on her nerves. She stabs her bread knife on their table as she turns her head towards him, "Is still early in the morning for the love of God, Kim Ji Hoon. Must you really ruin our morning?" she says.

Both Yerim and Johnny were stunned at her, their father shutting up in instant at the fear her wife would stab her.

Johnny and Yerim drive to the University that day together, "Oh, do you mind if we stop by at my friend's house? I promise to pick him up." Johnny asks and Yerim nodded.

Johnny smirked, he was excited to see Jaehyun's reaction.

Johnny pulled up in front of Jaehyun's apartment, sending him a message the was up in front of his building, after a minute, Jaehyun emerges from the entrance of the building running to get to his car with a tumbler in his other hand.

Johnny pulled the window down and Jaehyun saw Yerim first, he stopped midway, flustered that a girl was with his young, and It was no other than his sister. he played it cool and sat at the back.

"Oh, Yerim-ah, this is Jaehyun. He's my friend."

Jaehyun didn't expect her to turn around and bow her head down. "Thank you so much for taking good care of my brother."

Johnny became flustered with Yerim but laughed it off instead. Jaehyun bowed his head towards her saying it was nothing. Yerim was unaware of the looks she was getting from the older boy sitting at the back seat of his brother's car as Johnny keeps throwing playful glances at the back while he drove them to the school.

Graduation was already nearing, both you and Johnny were already finished with your practicum, Johnny was moving boxes towards his car, for some reason, his father allowed him to have his own flat, his step-mother saying that it would be the best for him and his mental health to have some space between them and that they should give him some time and space. His father was adamant at first but has nothing to do in the end.

"Just let him do what he wants, He's already graduating, with honors! He already did everything you wanted it's the least you could do for him." he heard his step-mother argue a while ago with his father. Johnny still had to go home every Sunday at the main house, though.

You and Taeil volunteered to help him with his moving and he was glad, to say the least. Yerim contacted you to do his groceries for him and the two of you left the older boys as you went to the market with Yerim.

Yerim was a cool young woman, she was matured for her own age, you learned that she was very frank at what she wants and that she loves her brother so much.

"I'm really glad my brother meet you," she says as she links her right arms with you, you were both walking to the parking lot, and you smiled at her blushing.

"Honestly, I never really liked his old friends. Jongin? Nope. Chanyeol? He's an asshole. Everyone in that damn team is an ass except for Sehun," she says as both of you entered the market, pulling a big cart in the process, and continued walking ahead. "You and your brother are surrounded by good people. Do you know that? And I'm kind of jealous of you, not that I don't have good friends, I do."

"Well, consider me someone you can be with so those good people will surround you too," you said smiling, Yerim giggled at you.

It took Johnny a week before really settling down in his apartment, he invited the guys over to have a small welcoming party, drinking and playing till the sun rises.

Johnny was busy typing at his laptop as you were both doing your last requirement for college, papers, and documents were all scattered around his living room when he turns his head to look at you. "Are you comfortable with those jeans?" He asks.

You look at your pants, it is uncomfortable.

"I don't have extra clothes," Johnny poked at his cheeks with his tongue, he stood up and went inside his room, when he came back he was holding clean boxer shorts. "You can use this if you want," he says as he extends his arms to you. You gladly took it and went to his bathroom to change.

Johnny thinks this was more dangerous than when he had blood oozing out of his wrist, you had your toned legs on display for him, and only him. It wasn't helping at all. Without knowing, he stared at your legs for a good minute, the urge of having his hands run along the lines of your thighs was becoming unbearable. He was amazed by the lack of hair you had around your arms and legs, was it liked that too with the parts your clothes have covered? He can't help the wild imaginations running around his head with the things he wants to do to you.

Johnny focused his attention back on the screen of his laptop. What the fuck is he even thinking? It's you, his fucking angel. How dare he have dirty thoughts about you. He mentally slaps himself and went back to typing.

You noticed Johnny having a mental crisis because of you and you silently laugh at him, extending your legs further to have your skin touch his thighs.

after hours of being productive with your work, You and Johnny decided to call it a night.

After a week of preparations for the upcoming finals, you and Johnny decided to meet up, the waiter placed both of your orders in front of you and Johnny, who give the waiter a small smile while uttering a quick "Thank you." You eyed Jhonny's food who looks somewhat more delicious than your Pesto Pasta. You don't even know why you ordered it, you never even tasted it before, you just want to— maybe, impress the guy in front of your table who were giving you obvious looks about the taste pallet you had which is definitely of a 13 Years old.

Johnny gives you a look while shaking his head, knowing all too well that you wanted a bite of it. Looking at you who's eyeing his barbeque bacon burger with fries on the side— It's usually what the two of you order and he was shocked that you ordered something out of the ordinary. He knew that you weren't the type of girl to go out of your comfort zone. You like what you usually eat, what you usually drink, and what type of clothing you usually wear. You are a very simple, young woman. You don't usually try things out of the blue, especially, when the two of you are both hungry.

Instantly, Johnny switched both plates. Giving you his food whilst saying a silent goodbye to the famous BBQ burger that he craves so much after winning a football game, which, he deserves. "What are you doing?" you asked shocked. You already saw him digging in and wincing at the taste. "Why the fuck would you even order this thing?" he asked.

You looked at the guy at the other table. You both were giving silent glances, he's good-looking and obviously from another school but you don't do other schools, that is the thing, you'd rather date someone from the same school, same department or same village. You don't like the hassle. People can go ahead and say your such a basic bitch, which in fact, you are. You finally give your full attention to Johnny who looks at his back to find some guy obviously ogling your face. That was the scariest thing in the world for him, guys ogling your face rather than your body, honestly, it was obvious from guys falling for your body— they just want to get in your pants, but guys who fall for your beauty is different.

You start digging in with your food. "This is the reason why I love you so much." You stated giving your burger a bite.

"Why would you even want to eat this." He says. You give him a chuckle as you extend your right arm towards him, offering him a bite of your burger, which he gladly took. "I'm sorry, I'm such a pain in the ass." You said.

"I kidnapped you in your after party and I'm so sorry, I didn't know Jennie's going to be there, and now you're eating something you don't even like. Man, you don't deserve this." You continued. Sincerely saying sorry towards him— picking a fry and dipping it on the ketchup provided at the side of your plate.

For some reason, Things work out for him and the team, It was going to be his last year playing, and the higher-ups decided for him to lead the team again, making Jongin lose face around the campus. It wasn't like before, It was expected, Johnny was just professional around them, leading them at the court and out of sight, after.

"What? No way. This is what I deserve. A peaceful dinner and finally having time with you." He says after biting at the toasted bread the pasta has. It was true though, Johnny was talking with Jennie again, well, but not exactly dating her, as students would say around campus. They dated, but that was that, he can't even imagine being good friends with someone who cheated on him, he was just being civil with her, ending things with a good note and leaving the better past behind him, and you haven't really had the chance to hang out together since their coach intensified their training hours and days, and right after that Johnny would hang out with your brother and the other guys.

"What did my brother say, though? with you being with me tonight? You guys are basically dating each other by now," you joked.

"Yeah, he's cool with it. Don't worry, I told him about our meeting before you actually kidnapped me." He gives you a smirk and you give him a confused look. "I was actually going to ask you for a dinner with me after the game." You rolled your eyes at him.

"Wow." You commented. You were practically like a twin at this rate. "Can I ask you something, though?" Johnny didn't know whether to ask because he was curious or just wait for you to open up to him, for some reason, Johnny felt naked around you. You knew everything about him, you have him wrapped around your pretty little fingers "What if I don't want to?" You countered and he scoffed.

"What was the reason you transferred? you only had a year to finish before graduating," Your face fell and he instantly saw how your face contorted into a frown. "Why are you making that face?" he asked.

"I had a bad break up to the point that I was destroying myself." You finally said like it was nothing. Johnny stopped everything that he's doing, giving you a look as if asking why. He felt like an idiot. How can he? at your worst time? "I'm such a horrible friend." He says.

"It's not your fault, and I'm even sorry that I didn't tell you sooner." You said quietly. Suddenly your favorite dish from the dinner doesn't look appealing anymore. "And I wanted time for myself, you know, he cheated on me."

the clicking of utensils can be heard throughout the diner when he dropped them to the table. He was fuming mad.

"It wasn't anyone's fault, though. if anything. It was mine. I lost interest in our relationship, didn't have time for him, and just lost everything along the way." You said while moving your plate towards him which he gladly took, abandoning the pasta you ordered and eating the half of the burger you had. But the real reason was, you can't stop comparing your ex-boyfriend to him.

"Still isn't a reason to cheat on you." He says after taking a bite. You move your lemonade in front of you and lazily sip on it. He drops the topic knowing all too well that you don't want to talk about it. Still, he felt guilty for some reason, What could go wrong?

Right, Johnny Suh is starting to have feelings for you, and definitely not in a platonic way.

And you don't have any idea about it.

He opened your bag that was beside him and fetch the wet wipes that were inside. He opened it and out of habit cleaned your fingers with it. And you let him, smiling. "I wished I meet you sooner," He looked at you and smiled. "I'm really sorry I haven't been with you for the last 21 years." you joked as you let him dry your fingers with a dry napkin that the diner provides.

You were about to head out— fetching the car keys that you placed on the bowl beside the main door when you hear a familiar honk outside your house. Your hands slip past your keys and you walk the small distance to your door, opening it the cold air of December heats your face and Johnny greeted you with his usual beam on his face, his left hand stretched up outside his window, giving you a wave.

You smiled to yourself, biding your mom a quick goodbye and you were off to school with your best friend.

"Good Morning." He greeted you when you opened the door of his black Audi.

"Good Morning, indeed." You said facing him after securing yourself with the seat belt. There was a tint of pink in Johnny's checks that you choose to ignore.

Pulling up at the parking lot in front of the university's main building where a lot of students lingered chatting with their circle of friends— Johnny smoothly maneuvered and parked at his usual spot.

You both get out of his car and started to walk to the building.

"See you at lunch?" he asked when you neared your classroom— you were slightly shocked. "Won't you be eating with Yerim today?" you asked as you stopped in your tracks facing him. "Doesn't have to." He simply replied and you nod your head. "She'll be mad, John." You said as a matter of fact— facing him while slowly backing away as he marly give you a shrug. "She doesn't have the right, though." you rolled your eyes at him "Just ask her to eat with us!"

Graduation was nearing and you've been offered a job at one of the top companies in the city, you didn't have the reason to turn them down so you accept and were set to sign the contract right after having your diploma.

This calls for a celebration, though.

When Johnny heard that he was the first one to know about something significant in his life, he was delighted.

You found yourself getting tipsy with the cheap booze in front of you and Johnny. You were laughing at something he said about his sister, holding the cheap beer in your hand as you chug the contents down your through. "Okay, That's enough," Johnny said whilst grabbing the cans of beer and putting them back at his refrigerator. You pout back at him but don't argue, you still have to attend your classes tomorrow morning and you don't want to miss anything for the last weeks you have for being a college student.

Johnny tucked you in his bed and you bid the sweetest goodnight on him, he leaves a sweet kiss on your forehead before heading for the couch in the living room to sleep on, since he had no energy to actually drive you home.

You woke up that night, feeling rather hot, unconsciously stripping out of your pants and bra out of habit, you walked to the kitchen for some water.

Walking with blurred vision, you find your way into the kitchen. The lights were dim as you passed by the living room completely ignoring the fact that Johnny could definitely walk on you wearing only your white tee and undies.

You helped yourself around the kitchen, rummaging in the refrigerator for a jar of water, your hands felt the cold lid of the jar, popping it open and chugging the contents down. You giggled after realizing that you should probably use glass and act like a lady for once since you're not in your own place.

You hissed as you struggle, reaching for a glass in the cupboard. "Just why is it placed so fucking high?" you asked yourself. A hand reached for the glass and you turned around, shocked and ready to pounce the person behind you.

you came face to face with Johnny. His face, only inches away from you. His hands find their way to your waist as he looked at you and the glass in his hands, he purred his self some water in the glass and chugged the whole content down.

"I got thirsty," he said. You moved beside so you don't disturb him, stepping at least five steps away.

He looked you up and down, the smell of booze around, is strong, it almost made you gag. Feeling the cold air between your legs, you looked at yourself. "Fuck." realizing that you were only wearing your white t-shirt; that you probably owned since 7th grade— Your breast was obvious that even your nipples were prominent, your shirt just hanging before your hip bone and then your undies.

You mentally slap yourself. He put the glass down and you put your hair in front to at least cover your hardening nipples away from him. Chills run down your spine as he took another step forward, clearing the distance between you.

"Hey-" he cut you off.

"Johnny," he says.

"What?" you asked, barely whispering. Your eyes moved down on their own, from his eyes down to his upper body, he was shirtless, giving you free access to his perfectly sculpted body, his pelvis, so sharp even a God couldn't compare. Again, you felt the burning sensation coming back in your throat. You touched your neck instantly as you tried to swallow.

"My name, say it," he whispered, you looked up only to be met by his eyes, dark with unknown lust as if burning you within. He keeps staring at you, keeping you captive with his eyes that you somehow felt naked.

"Johnny," you whispered trying not to sound like your practically moaning his name. He took a step forward, leaving no space between you and him. "Again." He commands you. You sucked a deep breath as you avoid eye contact.

"Johnny."

He used his index finger to lift your head as his thumb drew circles just below your chin to the base of your neck. blood rushed to your face as you suddenly felt hot on your cheeks as he put his hands on your waist again. He tilts his head, the smell of alcohol mixed with his aftershave and mint filled your senses, suddenly it wasn't too dark anymore.

He brushes his lower lip against yours that you barely felt it. He licked his lower lip as you bite yours. He stares intently at you. "You know, I would appreciate it if you don't walk around the house in these." his hands hot on your skin.

all rationality seems to fly out of the window, both of you staring at each other gazes, Johnny pulling you in for a much deeper kiss. "Didn't know you were this naughty with alcohol in your system," he murmured, Johnny's soft languid kisses were driving you wild, he moves at the base of your neck and sucked at the soft skin before pressing light kisses.

"Do you have any idea how much I want you?" he says softly, your breath hitches without knowing and you deliciously clenched around nothing upon hearing his statement, you were hypnotized by his eyes. Leaning down, he kisses you again.

You put your hands around his chest to push him slightly, gazing up toward him, "I want this," you whispered. "No. Not in the morning when you're sober enough to regret this," Johnny says, you ignore him and pulled him down to kiss him again, and Johnny lost all his logic with how delicious you tasted, you guide his hands on the hem of your shirt and slowly he peels it off for you and lets it fall down the floor.

Johnny put his arms around you and hauls you against his body, squeezing you tightly, his hands traveled down your waist and down to your behind, he holds you against his hips, and you feel his erection, which he gladly pushes into you, easily lifting you from the floor after, you moan once more in his mouth, He eases you towards the bed and you feel your back against the soft cushion once more.

Tentatively, you move your hands up to his face and his hair, tugging at it lightly as if implying for him to take you fully. But Johnny has other plans in his mind. He grabs your hips with both his hands and runs his tongue around your navel, gently nipping his way to your hipbone and across your belly to the other.  "Ah," You groan.

Seeing him on top of you, between your legs as you feel his hot breath against your skin, Is unexpected, but you wanted this as much as he wants it. Your hand on his hair, pulling gently as you try to quiet your loud breathing. He gazes up at you through impossibly long-lashed, and chocolate-colored eyes. His hand reaches the hem of your black underwear, leisurely pulling it down without taking his eyes off you, he stops and licks his lips, never breaking eye contact. Johnny leans forward, running his nose up the apex between your thighs, and you feel him.

"You smell so fucking good," he murmurs and closes his eyes. a look of pure pleasure on his face and you practically convulse.

You raise yourself on your elbows to see what he's doing, you were panting, you wanted him right there. shit

Moaning, you felt him run his tongue on the sleek of your heat, "Keep still," he murmurs and then leans down again to kiss down your clit. "How can I not move? you're making me feel this good." you felt him smirk against your skin. "Then, we'll have to work on keeping you still." there was a dangerous tone laced in his voice and you find it impossibly hot and twisted. You're flushed, skin burning, too hot, too cold, and you're craving more as you clawed at the sheets beneath you.

Johnny moves forward and you protested but the pleasure came back once more when he blows very gently on one of yours mound, his hands moving to the other breast, and his thumb slowly rolls the end of your nipple, elongating it. You moan, feeling the sweet sensation all the way to your groin.

"Johnny," you were wet, "Please," you beg silently as your fingers clasp the sheet tighter. His lips close around your nipple and he tugs, making you convulse. He doesn't stop.

Johnny moves his fingers around your clit, drawing circles as he laps on your mound,  you let yourself go from his touch. His thumb and finger continue doing you deliciously and you fall apart on his hands.

"Oh," you won't lie, that felt extraordinary, and now, you know the fuss around him is about. He gazes down at you, a satisfied smirk on his face and you're still in owe from your high.

Johnny was amazed at how responsive you are, he laced his fingers around you, drawing slow and lazy circles around your clit again, bringing another set of heat in your core. He closes his eyes briefly, his breathing hitches. You're deliciously wet and Johnny doesn't want to fuck you with a condom on, and neither did you.

He reaches over the bedside table, anyway, grabbing a foil packet, and then moving out of the bed to discard the rest of his clothes. You saw him, and your mouth watered at how long and thick he is. He kneels on the bed and pulls the condom onto his length. "I really don't want to use one."

"Is that going to fit in?"

"Don't worry," He breathes,  "You're wet enough, Angel. I know you can make me well," He murmurs as he positions the head of his erection at the entrance of your sex and pushing hard.

"Aargh!" You cry as you felt him sliding in, there was a weird sensation pinching deep inside you as he rips through you without warning. Johnny stills, his eyes bright with ecstatic triumph. His mouth opened slightly, his breathing harsh. He groans wanting to move.

"Fuck, baby, so tight."

"Johnny, Wait."

He stills for a moment, "Why?" You held onto his forearms, fucking him with a condom doesn't feel right, you wanted every little part of him, you wanted to feel him. Raw. "I- Can we remove the condom?" Johnny asks as if reading your mind.

You nod at him, You felt him slide out of you, removing the condom and throwing it at the trash bin beside his bed. Johnny positions his self once more, easing on to you, groaning. He loved every bit of it, this was the first time that you had sex without using protection, and the same thing goes for Johnny. Moving your hips up to him, as a sign that you wanted him to move already. He groans. You felt so full, as he let you acclimatize at the overwhelming feeling of him inside you. Naked, and Raw.

He eases back with exquisite slowness. Closing his eyes, Johnny controlled himself not on to fuck you hard, He thrust into you again, and you cry out in pleasure. He shifts into his elbow, and you feel his weight on you, holding you down. He moves painfully slow at first, easing himself in and out of you. You grew impatient and you can't help but move your hips up tentatively to meet his. He speeds up. Pounding on you, picking up speed by the second, merciless and in a relentless rhythm.

you can't help yourself to meet his thrust, making Johnny lose his mind because of you. Your body quivers. a sheen of sweat gathers over you. Your thoughts are scattered. There's only the feeling of him, of you, and him, and you stiffen.

"Come for me, baby," he whispers breathlessly, and you unravel at his words, exploding around him as you climax and shard into pieces with every being you had underneath him. And as he comes inside you, calling your name, thrusting hard, the stalling as he empties himself into you.

Johnny's breathing was ragged as you try to slow your breathing, your heart thumping hard and your thoughts in a disarray, you opened your eyes. His eyes flickered open and gaze down at you, dark but soft. He's still inside you, leaning down, he gently presses a kiss against your forehead then slowly pulls out of you.

Johnny cleaned you up and spoon you to sleep, he hoped that in the morning you won't regret what happened. Because he loved every moment of it.

--

Part 2? I didn't put the taglist because this is already reposted. so, yeah, hope u guys enjoyed! let me know what you think, I feel like i sucked making this.