#so i ruined it for myself instead

[snnumntik]

idk there's something so fucked up about how anyone regardless of age treats your disability if you're fat. like when I was a varsity athlete I was just barely overweight, and I kept pushing myself SO much harder than my peers because I kept seeing they could do things I couldn't. and they kept making fun of me relentlessly and accusing my pain of being made up, fake.

I was dislocating my bones as I was running. specifically at my hip. my patella kept moving in places it shouldn't have moved. my wrists kept sliding out of place when I had to lift the heavy equipment. but all these kids calling me fake, all these adults rolling their eyes at me, simply because I had a larger figure than all of them, it made me push myself so much harder than I needed to. I pushed myself twice as hard to be half as good as my peers.

it was to the point that physically I felt SO MUCH BETTER when I graduated high school and dropped the sport. people kept raving on about how the exercise would make me lose weight and make me feel on top of the world but I didn't lose the weight and felt awful all the time.

when I got my diagnosis and the doctor explained things to me, it was like that little kid was being seen for the first time regardless of their weight. it's a case where being skinny and being relentlessly active is NOT a sign of being healthy whatsoever. I just wanna shake my younger self by the shoulders and tell them that.

[keferon]

*clasps your shoulders gently and looks you straight in the eye*

Keferon. Please read Ninth by Kyn on AO3. I think you would love it very much. It has a large chapter count, but don't be intimidated, it's very easy to get into. It is currently unfinished, but is being updated regularly.

You are the seventh person that recommended this fic to me so ahahahaha yeah

I’m doing great Help I hate some parts of it but I love the other parts I’m spinning in the blender

…..I made the moodboard….

[blueskittlesart]

the master works discourse on twitter is killing me. none of these bitches understood the game or its characters AT ALL

[nintendonut1]

pink heart white heart light blue heart

[dandylovesturtles]

Hello! I just wanna say that I love your writing and thanks so much for sharing it :) I noticed a really cool thing you do in how you’ve extrapolated on and built upon Leo and Draxum’s father + son relationship, like in Port in a Storm, the Room fic, and I think there was another one shot where Draxum gave Leo tea after screaming himself hoarse (apologies if I’m confusing you with another author on that one). You’ve given them a really interesting dynamic. I’m curious if there was anything in particular that inspired the way you write them or maybe what your thought process was behind it?

Awww, thank you so much! And yes, you have the right person! That was one of my Bad Things Happen Bingo fics.

I'll admit I kind of Draxum-pilled myself, haha. I love a good redemption arc, and while the one we got in canon was unfortunately cut short (not their fault, of course), the bones of what Draxum and the boys could be are strong, and I love playing with them, particularly where it comes to Draxum and Leo, who initially seem like they'd have the hardest time becoming close. My feelings about them really started to grow in IMBI, where Draxum was initially supposed to only show up in one scene but then steadily integrated himself more and more into the story.

I don't really know if I have a specific inspiration, but I think Draxum and Leo have a dynamic that is particularly interesting to explore and I just like diving into that. Draxum is entering these kids' lives as an adult authority figure pretty late, something that's always contentious even when you aren't a reformed bad guy who dropped one of your "step-sons" off a roof. And Leo holds a grudge, so that makes him particularly resistant to coming around on Draxum (even though I headcanon that he doesn't actively fight Draxum's presence within the family, because it makes Mikey happy). At the same time, Leo seems generally desperate for adults he feels safe coming to, which is why he seeks out Hueso so readily and what gets him in trouble with Jupiter Jim and that one basketball guy. Leo is a pretty insecure kid and he doesn't want to be the one calling the shots (even though he's good at it) - he wants a "dad" around that he can run to when things get scary, who will make it all better for him. And unfortunately his own dad hasn't always done so well at that (though I do think he's had his moments and is getting better!).

On Draxum's end, I take him at his word that he's come to care for all four of the boys by the end of S2 (I just handwave that some development happened we didn't get to see). But while he may genuinely care for Leo's wellbeing, the two of them don't really... mesh. Besides the grudge Leo is holding, there's other things working against them: not having much in common, Leo's propensity for trolling, the fact that he's kinda annoying (but he's a kid, kids are supposed to be annoying), having personalities that go together like oil and water, etc. So while I think that Draxum has accepted Leo as one of his sons and would move heaven and earth to save him if something were to happen to him, he doesn't really want to hang out with Leo. He's not going to ask him to come play catch, as it were. And Leo really really wants a dad to come play catch with him, so that just furthers the contentious relationship between them.

This is why I like forcing them into situations where Draxum does have to directly show he cares for Leo's wellbeing. Left to their own devices, Draxum would be content in knowing that he cares for Leo even if Leo doesn't know this himself, and Leo would just accept that Draxum doesn't like him and he doesn't like Draxum and he's! totally! fine with that!! for real!!! And they would probably never grow closer as people as a result. But forced into a situation where Draxum has to show he cares for Leo, has to show he will move heaven and earth to protect him, lowers Leo's own walls as he starts to open himself up to the possibility that Draxum is one of those adults he can feel safe with.

I don't think Draxum and Leo ever get to a point where they're each other's first choice to spend their free time with, even as Draxum will spend quality time with Mikey, Raph, and Donnie, and I do think Leo will razz him about dropping him off a roof until the end of time. But Draxum becomes someone Leo knows is a safe place, somewhere he can go when he has a problem, when he needs help, when he's just scared, and Draxum will be there for him. He may not shower Leo in hugs and kisses and he may not offer him honeyed words of comfort, but he'll make sure Leo has food and a place to sleep, that Leo can talk out what he's feeling without judgement, that he can just exist without any expectations placed on him, unconditionally, forever.

Because that's what a dad is supposed to do. ^^

Thanks for the ask!

[writterings]

yo so are hyperfixations supposed to be sometimes painful. like you can't stop thinking about them and obsessing over them to the point where it's the only thing you want to do and anything else feels physically painful? and you start to ignore like real life responsibilities and don't want to hang with friends because you're so obsessed? also how do i explain this to my therapist who straight up forgot i have adhd and ptsd

[rapidhighway]

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible

[camzverse]

apologizing in advance for the person i will become when the next pjo show season comes out

[sergle]

Your hair is so gorgeous. Do you dye it yourself? If so, what product do you use?

ohohoho thank you!!! I do dye it myself, red dye really is a forgiving beast, so I've tried several diff products since I started being a redhead, and they've all yielded slightly different (but all good) colors. Overtone's "red for brown" for expensive conditioning dye that yields very pigmented, deep red results, L'oreal Paris "copper crave" for cheap and definitely poisonous box dye that nonetheless delivers extremely vibrant ginger results, Arctic Fox's "ginger flare" and a bunch of diff Manic Panic shades of red and orange for cheaper conditioning dye that, while not very powerful color deposits, still do the job.

[macbeth-s]

holy trinity of “deserved better”

[skitskatdacat63]

if u’re still doing these… top 5 most insane martian moments.

Sry for the late response, I really had to think on it! But these have been pretty fun to do so thank you!! <3

1. The entirety of Monaco 2010

Any Monaco celebration has a special place in my heart as you probably well know! But just Monaco 2010 as an entirety is insane to me, to name a few: the matching Porsches...their parc ferme hug...Seb trying and failing to pull Mark into the pool...them jumping into the harbor together and Seb having to pull Mark up onto the dock, MONACO REALLY GAVE US SO MUCH 🤧 but also this race being the calm before the storm, like seeing them be all cute with each other but then knowing how the season ends and how things continue to proceed after that

2. Their Singapore 2008 date

Always holds a special place on my heart. Just that we have so many pictures and even footage(!!!) of their PR mandated date in a time where this kind of thing wasn't really common yet. The caption of the YouTube vid "Mark Webber and Sebastian Vettel share an evening in Singapore" 😵‍💫 and I also think often about this comment on that vid calling Seb a "kleine Mädchen." I just think it's very cute. Giggly STR Seb and older gruff RBR Mark, not yet affected by teammate tensions

3. Japan 2007

I think its always very interesting the foreshadowing you can read into while watching older races. I love that Martian were always on an inevitable collision course. Like imagine being Mark and that rookie who crashed into the back of you then goes to win a race before you and then becomes your teammate and then becomes wdc. That they were on this collision course before they even became teammates and Seb had barely been in the sport yet. And LIKE that quote from Mark about Seb about "kids with no experience" and Seb crying in his garage, crazy.

4. Turkey 2010

I have such a fondness for "WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING HERE!? WHAT A STUPID ACTION! I'M GOING HOME! FUCK YOU!"(to the point where my friends who know nothing about f1 know about that quote by proxy bcs I quote it so much") I think it's interesting how much Martian's conflicts revolve around team orders and disobeying radios. It's funny bcs in Turkey 2009, a very similar situation to both Turkey 2010 and Malaysia 2013 happens, them telling Seb to stay behind Mark bcs of whatever reasons. And in 2009, Seb is clearly 🫤 about it but obeys but then goes on to try to overtake Mark in 2010 and fails, but then succeeds in 2013, very interesting to see how that dynamic evolves and grows more toxic! But by far the best part about Turkey 2010 is them having to take that "Us in our Get-Along T-Shirt" pic 😭 it's so funny and I wish they'd do press releases like this nowadays

5. That Monaco 2021 interview where Mark interjects about knowing the meaning behind the coins in Seb's race boots

It's just very sweet to me. There's some post about it on here that explains how meaningful it is, but I don't feel like searching for it, so I'm kinda just paraphrasing that. But like imagine them having a conversation where Seb explains it to Mark and the meaning behind it, and like probably a decade later, Mark still remembers it in perfect detail, enough to remember about the specificities about which coin goes in which boot and why.

Obligatory mentions: Malaysia 2013 of course(but I wanted to mention others, but Multi-21 is a given when considering crazy Martian moments), Australia 2016 podium, Mark's various Instagram forays during Seb's retirement, that one interview where Mark grabs Seb from behind while Love Will Tear Us Apart plays, when Seb sat on Mark's shoulders, anything of them from Abu Dhabi 2022, etc etc

[camgoloud]

you ever just. become overwhelmed by a sudden out-of-nowhere wave of tenderness and affection and longing for reconnection directed towards someone to whom you no longer speak for Very Good Reasons

[widevibratobitch]

(not quite logging back in just venting dont mind me <3 ill reply to everyone later mwah)

[suncaptor]

long posts with over-analysis cancelled. the label i like most is demi, and that's just important to me right now.

[buttercupshands]

I just managed to get off mha hyperfixation

And now it's happening again... Oh no

Helps with upcoming MHUI LoV event tho, it was a long time since last one happened I wonder what would happen in a new filler story part

Basically this and couple of pages of mid-final arc chapters + recent episode and next one being The Dabi episode was just too much not to get excited again

But! Important thing - I need to reread the last arc before I make anything new, if possible without finishing it to the 419 chapter and everything after, it took 2 months to really recover from the damage that chapter did

Anyway am I ready for the new event? Kinda! Do I have enough gems to get new Tomura? No! I'm not sure he'll even show up this time, because other ones were and still are really stubborn

Also Steampunk recruit took like 120 pulls in a step-up recruit and in the usual one combined

Not the best time to get LoV involved, it's cruel even

Also that one part of the page I added at the beginning was so interesting to look at and them I joked about 236 being similar. The only good thing with final arc being over is that I can say that Izuku didn't draw the parallel of seeing everyone hurt and seeing Tenko react on Mon's death

Understandable why, but it's funny to just look at them and be like, "wow Horikoshi traumatized them both"