#bc i was afraid of being the slow one and being ridiculed by them. i was afraid i was gonna ruin the hike for others

[snnumntik]

idk there's something so fucked up about how anyone regardless of age treats your disability if you're fat. like when I was a varsity athlete I was just barely overweight, and I kept pushing myself SO much harder than my peers because I kept seeing they could do things I couldn't. and they kept making fun of me relentlessly and accusing my pain of being made up, fake.

I was dislocating my bones as I was running. specifically at my hip. my patella kept moving in places it shouldn't have moved. my wrists kept sliding out of place when I had to lift the heavy equipment. but all these kids calling me fake, all these adults rolling their eyes at me, simply because I had a larger figure than all of them, it made me push myself so much harder than I needed to. I pushed myself twice as hard to be half as good as my peers.

it was to the point that physically I felt SO MUCH BETTER when I graduated high school and dropped the sport. people kept raving on about how the exercise would make me lose weight and make me feel on top of the world but I didn't lose the weight and felt awful all the time.

when I got my diagnosis and the doctor explained things to me, it was like that little kid was being seen for the first time regardless of their weight. it's a case where being skinny and being relentlessly active is NOT a sign of being healthy whatsoever. I just wanna shake my younger self by the shoulders and tell them that.

[beep-beep-robin]

what if when they get back from the battle with vecna they all have a little party to celebrate and steve and eddie hook up when everyone else has already left.

and afterwards steve freaks out, surpresses his feelings and distances himself from eddie bc he‘s like why tf did i do that what‘s wrong with me?

he goes back to nancy who‘s broken up with jonathan and they get back together because steve wants everything to be as normal as possible (understandable after all the traumatic shit they‘ve all been through tbh).

the first time eddie sees the two of them together he gets pretty upset even though he was convinced that their hookup was a one time thing anyways. as if steve „the hair“ harrington would actually wanna be with a freak like him.

robin notices that something‘s up and questions eddie about it - didn‘t he literally tell steve to get back together with nancy?

eddie‘s like well yeah i did but that was before i knew i actually had a chance with him and proceeds to tell her what happened the night of the party.

and robin‘s flabbergasted - not only did steve have his first gay experience but he also didn‘t tell her about it?? she can only guess how conflicted he‘s gotta be so she, being the great friend she is, immediately goes over to his house to talk to him about it (if he wants to, of course).

turns out she was worried for nothing because OH does steve wanna talk, he was just too afraid of what actually saying any of his thoughts out loud would mean, but robin coming to him and opening up the conversation gave him the little push he needed.

they talk about everything and steve confesses that he doesn‘t even have feelings for nancy anymore, and he doesn‘t think she does either. they were both just so in need of normalcy that they held onto the one thing that reminded them of BEFORE. he loves her, sure, but not romantically, at least not anymore.

when he hooked up with eddie it wasn‘t that he didn‘t like it and that‘s why he distanced himself from him.

he DID like it and didn‘t want to think about the implications of that.

and robin‘s so sweet. she talks him through it all but also sternly tells him that he has to get his act together and at least talk to eddie, he can‘t just play with his feelings like that.

and up until that point steve was convinced that eddie just wanted to hook up, no feelings involved, but when robin tells him how upset eddie got steve realizes he‘s seriously fucked up.

so he tries to get his shit together as well as he can and makes his way over to the munson‘s trailer. when eddie opens the door he seems a bit surprised, but when he realizes his visitor is steve, his brows furrow in anger.

but steve jumps right into explaining the whole thing from his perspective and his feelings and while he stumbles over his words because he‘s trying to get everything out as quickly as he can, eddie gets the gist of it.

and while this did change the situation quite a lot, eddie‘s still skeptical. the way steve just jumped right back into his relationship with nancy rubs him the wrong way, still.

but steve‘s willing to show eddie how much he wants this. so he takes him out on their official first date, and he makes it as romantic as he can. and while eddie might find the whole thing extremely ridiculous, while he‘s looking into steve‘s eyes across candlelight and red roses, he finds nothing but love in them.

so later, sitting on the couch in eddie‘s trailer, he turns to steve and kisses him. and it‘s different than their first kiss, which was eager and hurried. no, this one is lingering and gentle. this time, they‘re gonna take things slow.

and so what if their relationship had a rocky start. at least they‘d have one hell of a story to tell.

[natjennie]

no you're absolutely right to question it and i was hoping someone would ask.

so this has to come with a disclaimer because i love the witcher a lot but as far as knowledge goes? i've seen the netflix show, the first season like 3 times and the second season only once, and i've read a good deal of fan fiction. that's it. so you'll have to work with the fact that that's all i've got for canon understanding on the witcher end of things. on the ofmd end of things? i'm. a lot more confident.

anyway! ed and stede are very similar characters when you get down to it. when you think about themes of abandonment and solitude and loneliness and longing and survival, they're extremely similar, so i'm not actually that opposed to flipping the roles. but, what matters to me is looking at where they start versus where they're going.

it's easy to look at geralt as a strong powerful monster hunter who's this famed hero that everyone loves and fears in equal measure: you'd want to slap ed on there.

but that's like. not really who he is. especially not before jaskier. geralt is a loner, he's done things differently his whole life, he's ridiculed and mocked and ostracized from civilization. he's not a powerful mythical figure, he's a weird wet horse guy who sleeps in the swamp. but we can call him to get the rats out of the inn sometimes.

and jaskier's background isn't really shown in the show but i know he went to a top school, he's brilliant and clever, he's a viscount. again, easy to paint stede in that role, right? i get it.

but he's bored and lonely and looking for inspiration and just so happens to come upon something different. something real. for once. so he drops everything and attaches himself to geralt's hip and drags himself through the mud and the muck, walking while geralt gets to ride, just to be a part of his story.

sound like someone we know?

and then there's the little things! the silly small character details that make them who they are.

stede's kind of a cunt! he's kind of selfish sometimes. he doesn't think highly enough of himself to believe people care about him, which gets them hurt in the process. hello?? geralt?

and ed's a poet! hes a theater kid, he sings, he writes lyrics. in canon. he wants to be able to slow down and appreciate life and live a little instead of being bound to duty and stede is just getting started.

and i hate this comparison bc they're both both in my opinion but. it's like stede:autism:geralt and ed:adhd:jaskier.

also! geralt is actually a wicked nice guy. like he cares so much about humanity and about other people and he wants them to be safe and happy and assumes that doesn't include him. he takes on missions no one would dare he doesn't hesitate to go back into the fire if it means saving someone else. very stedelike behavior if i do say so myself.

and jaskier is living on the edge he's got a name to spread an image to build a reputation to uphold. he's a scoundrel and a rapscallion and he's fucked and fucked over more people in this specific village than you could count.

and if you think about their experiences with violence! stede raised a sword against izzy. he doesn't resort to violence and he doesn't like it but he's not afraid of it anymore when it comes. he's ready and willing to look it in the eye to make things right and protect his crew. geralt.

and ed on the other hand hasn't killed anyone in decades. outsources the final blow. he deceives and tricks to get around it. jaskier.

stede adored plants and animals, he knows all about teas and moths and flowers. ed hates nature. geralt and jaskier.

geralt leaves jaskier on that mountain. jaskier gets depressed and writes a meltdown breakup song (burn butcher burn). i mean. in canon stede leaves ed on that dock and he gets depressed and writes a meltdown breakup song (life's a hard sad death).

i mean i could go on. but basically i think it's fine to do it the other way, i get it. i just think that's a really basic and uninspired reading of both shows. i think if you really dig into the core of the characters, it's much more interesting and pertinent to map stede as geralt and ed as jaskier.

[hey-its-cweepy]

*throws sweet fish boy upon thee*

kidding..but i do offer Cary to see if any of your ocs would interact or ship with him?

HIHI

Buckle up cause we got a lot of OCs to go through✨

Cweepy is naturally very shy, but she'll just need a bit of time to get used to the friendly and outward personality!

I feel like Cho-Hee might unintentionally scare him💀 but he'll try to be slow and gentle! (And guide him back to the right school)

Dallas... I think we can all agree that Dallas is banned from meeting certain characters-

Salvatore and Vincenzo are always a package deal! Sal just has 2 people to look after now lol- But I think Vincenzo's especially gonna like them and question a lot about the sea

Momo is running away Im sorry💀 ITS NOT HIS FAULT!!! She's just spooked bcs he's tall as hell

Dell would probably approach him first! They are registering and taking notes of him just like all the other students! They'd also compliment his singing and say that they think he can make it big

I feel like he might take Faust's teasing a bit too seriously so its probably not a good idea

I dont know if he can tolerate Hextian's smell so maybe not💀 bro cant even get near water/fishes without bad consequences-

Benibara is a no<3

Kenzo is also a no<3 he's very confused as to why he likes forks

Venus also probably approached him first! Gives some advice on how to get used to legs (although she's lowkey confused about the fork thing)

MARINUS IS A HELL NO- he probably joked about eating him once but I don't think its a joke anymore-

Kumo probably wouldn't really talk to him

Aotome is also analyzing/obtaining data from him! Although unfortunately she cant really be near water</3

Banji is only upset he's from RSA, he doesnt like those students either

Kamïk thinks he's interesting, probably more likely to find him when he gets lost though (although if it werent for the uniform, he would've thought he was from octa)

Clover, Avery and Jolie are a NO (unless its just Clover ig lol) but the three of them together are absolute bitches and will definitely set him up in a bad way

Roan probably doesnt even know what RSA is- if he gets lost, he has no idea how to bring him back, he'd also question a lot of the stuff he's collected

Pepper is a NO.

Wolfo, Creek and Poppet are also a NO. Mainly because Wolfo and Creek have had enough of RSA students making fun of Poppet and just automatically think anyone from there is gonna do the same

Seine probably actively tries to scare him at first before being friendly!

Toma probably developed a small crush on him (DO NOT CONFRONT HIM ABOUT THE DOODLES HE WILL BE VERY EMBARRASSED), absolutely head over heels about his singing, I imagine Toma accidently stabbed himself with one of the forks at some point and Cary is very confused as to why Toma doesn't feel it but somebody else does

Vysio is just a GIANT lady holding him in her hands- (I just like imagining giant women holding teeny tiny people ONSODBSLDN) She'd probably only ever leave him just outside RSA however because she's too nervous to step inside (probably introduces him to Yuta!)

Yuta is a blabber mouth, like a little parrot that wont shut up, so he's definitely rambling to him about something (wether its the most ridiculous thing or something more serious), they could show off their collections to each other!!! (Probably introduces him to Vysio!)

Astoria might try to convince him to put on the crown, especially since he seems "clumsy" or "gullible" (A BAD THING)

Elbarnes needs him to pass the clean check first (happens to everybody, including staff), but once that's over, he's more than glad to talk and be friendly! (Although if you show him the collection, he's cleaning everything regardless of how big it is)

Amos is genuinely confused about the sass/jealousy of popular singers on the surface, probably tries to help him get over it

"... No offense, but I'm afraid you wont really be doing much of a positive impact with this envy..."

Enid is very mom-friend like and definitely tried to help him not get lost all the time! SHE WONT LET ANYBODY HURT HIM-

Lorien is intimidated a bit by the height at first, but he'll get used to it! His neck probably hurt from looking up all the time though

Jessica is a NO. Because she envys his figure so much-

Oceana thinks he's really cute!!! Definitely tries to help him with his legs or probably picks him up if she can! She thinks his collection is cool and loves his singing voice!

Indira would probably pay more attention if he's with the fishes/in mer form, she just likes animals more than people💀

Torimiya probably intimidates him on accident in the beginning, but she'll slowly get close with him✨ She's just naturally a bit tough on the outside! ALSO WOULDN'T LET ANYONE HURT HIM

Asahise is definitely interested in the mer-form and probably rambling about something silly the first time they meet- Asahise is showing off their collection of plushies in exchange for getting to see his "junk" collection✨

Tokki is confused as to how he keeps getting lost- (he'd definitely try to help him out with that though!)

Jaiden would love to play the harp with his singing! Asks questions about life in the sea but also prone to rambling about space lol

Mindel is perplexed when he "steals" a fork and uses it for his hair...

"... What did you just do???"

Mindel will definitely ask questions about the sea life and fish friends though, he's just interested!

Frey is babbling about all of their plants and plant life, absolutely loses their shit over the fish friends (they think they're so cute!!!)

Sylvester is definitely flirting with him lmao (will he notice? Who knows✨)

Mao is very quiet so he'll probably have to bend down/lean in to properly hear what he's saying

I think Cherokee's little magic displays might surprise him✨

Omg imagine Shiloh and Cary being friends with the same school of fish- OSNDODNWF- Shiloh is also definitely introducing him to more of his animal friends! (Once he gets more comfortable with him though)

Midge thinks he's cute, but probably wouldn't act on anything, tries to help him get more used to his legs though! (Midge has plenty of legs so he knows✨)

Kendall is IMMEDIATELY designing something from the amount of inspo he gave them

Charlene would also make things for him! You could take her as the mom or grandma friend, she'd definitely introduce him to her friends so its not just her (you may touch the bunny tail ONCE)

Deedee, Janus, "Dolly" and Birsha are a NO.

-Deedee would probably say she wants to take off his face

-Janus is just a terrible person (although honestly its a coin toss), he'd probably trick him into thinking their friends only to do something sinister

-"Dolly" is actually a parasite latching on to someone and she doesn't mind switching hosts if she thought it was worth it (although she mainly keeps to herself so they probably wont interact)

-Birsha will just get him in trouble💀

Lucinda thinks he's very sweet and helps him get back to RSA everytime he's lost (you will probably never catch her without the bear mask though), she's also a quiet one so you might need to lean in close!

Panko just registers him as a cute "little" fish! Would definitely get comfortable enough to sleep on/near him (please dont wake her up)

Canela is a NO because she is literally poisonous and doesnt want to hurt him or the fish friends

[just-some-random-blogger]

meow meow, hottie-cutie! good morning! some love time for the best tumblr writer! 'i understand British accents' omg you're so big brained big sister!! ig i really am a little (ironic isn't it) meow meow next to you. i'm amazed you seem to be really smart, interesting, intelligent, bright and soso lovely-lovely. (and hot yes) i would've liked to be mutuals or friends with you for real ig? no but who are we to each other... you don't really need to answer it if you don't want to. what about british accent, it's more about the speed at which they speak?? i've sent my bestie a voice message with them speaking, turned it on and heard only 'lawlawlaw'... my brain may be big (not as much as yours) but too slow... and like spoilers... i know these TT girl i've been hyperfixated on this show since idk? november? october? tumblr and wiki almost showed me it TT i know the plot pretty good. tbh, i have really mixed feelings about rhaenyra's kids and jace being her heir? bc yes love is love and he's basically still targaryen, i can understand her being a wild girl in need of personal life and freedom. but thinking about the image of targaryens as the royalties, i don't really approve this? but i'm not on the greens' side bc?? i still haven't watched the show what am i talking about TT srry if i said smth stupid. next time i'll try better. 'IMMA BONK THAT LOSER MATT SO HARD FOR MAKING YOU SAD WHY ARE YOU SAD???' omg you sound SO like an elder sister rn TT thank you TT i'm always the one who people wants to bonk their enemies for them bc of my big stature? lol i'm literally all bark and no bite, i always just stand next to my short friend who beats the shit out of everyone like the meme with a small barking dog and a big one who's afraid of the first one. srry i've got distracted. i'm grateful! your words sound really comforting to me. but it's not like smth happened. this situation (like all things i must do but also the need to watch hotd without subtitles and so on) is so... ridiculous. it's killing me. why do i sound so whiny and complaining TT srry ig this's just how i see my life. (no but hotd already made my cry a couple of times) 'that means you want me to be nervous' IM SORRY TT it's good you understood i hadn't meant it. it was late with my brain even slower. wish you strong nerves!! giving them to you with a big kiss on your big brain!! thank you sm for your support, my most comfort person!! hope you can (or already did) forgive you too. 'i’m sure the same could be said about your kitty' ok i'm gonna make it a little sad rn. that very day, after nearly attacking my mom, my cat came back to me to lay on my lap. so now i'm crying and i'm not hot TT my face is pretty ugly rn but my eyes are shiny and it's pretty ig OH YOU KNOW WHAT?? you've reposted 'I, Unfortunately, Love You Most' and i recalled i was that anon too TT maybe even your work inspired me to request 'it takes two' and ask to make it more cruel sidjdpsp i like miserable and desperate daemon. i literally have fucking huge plot abt it in my notes... *winkwink* i've got a lot of thoughts about fics about daemon and some ideas but i feel like you're too busy. and like i need to go to bed... so have a nice day! take care! love you <з

MEEEEEEEEOW

meow meowmoew meow

some love time for the best tumblr writer!

💅💅💅🥺🥺🥺🥺 purr

'i understand British accents' omg you're so big brained big sister!!

bonk 🤠 understanding chavs that go innit is gauge of big brained-ness for you ?? LOL HAHAH

ig i really am a little (ironic isn't it) meow meow next to you. i'm amazed you seem to be really smart, interesting, intelligent, bright and soso lovely-lovely. (and hot yes)

lol but ur taller that me ??? HAHAHH i am pretty smart interesting intelligent bright and soso lovely-lovely AND hot arent i HAHAHAH <3 🥺😍 idk why ur saying this suddenly but <3 im honored for the high regard lovie

i would've liked to be mutuals or friends with you for real ig? no but who are we to each other... you don't really need to answer it if you don't want to.

WE CAN BE MUTUALS! and friends (aren't we already 💔)

what about british accent, it's more about the speed at which they speak?? i've sent my bestie a voice message with them speaking, turned it on and heard only 'lawlawlaw'...

that happens. sometimes idk what my sister is saying and we speak the same languages HHHHAHAH also we speak to each other in english accents cos its fun innit

my brain may be big (not as much as yours) but too slow... and like spoilers... i know these TT girl i've been hyperfixated on this show since idk? november? october? tumblr and wiki almost showed me it TT i know the plot pretty good.

HAHAHHAH MALAY KO BA (Filipino for how would i know ig lsdfaashf it's hard to translate) yeah same i knew what was gonna happen in the show because i think i started watching the show was already like on its 7th or 8th episode i didnt feel the need to skip through spoilers tbh though sometimes i did like its fine. also big brains arent meant to be compared 😡

tbh, i have really mixed feelings about rhaenyra's kids and jace being her heir? bc yes love is love and he's basically still targaryen, i can understand her being a wild girl in need of personal life and freedom. but thinking about the image of targaryens as the royalties, i don't really approve this? but i'm not on the greens' side bc?? i still haven't watched the show what am i talking about TT srry if i said smth stupid. next time i'll try better.

first of all you didnt say anything stupid. second of all, i agree, i too have mixed feelings towards rhaenyra in general lol. i mean they're all problematic, third of all. fourth of all, they all need extensive therapy and the rod of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. fifth of all, AHAHAHHA 'love is love' goo off queen but also DAMN 3 times HAHAdiaslgfasfasfhlasfhas i get why alicent is so pissed T_T sixth of all, i also dont approve of it, lol but im glad rhaenyra has her papa on her side. seventh of all, viserys problematic af too. eighth of all, im not on black/green side either, though since rhaenyra is mostly the protagonist of the story, people are more inclined to support her because that was how she was presented. again. they all problematic af AHAHAHAH

'IMMA BONK THAT LOSER MATT SO HARD FOR MAKING YOU SAD WHY ARE YOU SAD???' omg you sound SO like an elder sister rn TT thank you TT i'm always the one who people wants to bonk their enemies for them bc of my big stature? lol i'm literally all bark and no bite, i always just stand next to my short friend who beats the shit out of everyone like the meme with a small barking dog and a big one who's afraid of the first one.

lol HAHAH idk if its me being an elder sister or just me being intense. mayhap a bit of both. i will fight anyone for people i love. idc if theyre taller than me. people that are taller than me inspire my rage even more because ??? you think your safe just cause youre head dangling up in the ceiling ??? i think not. buttttt tbh irl im a pacifist AHHAHAH fr im usually the mediator i just talk a lot of smack, but when it comes to it, i usually resolve things peacefully.

im wonho in the end 'i dont smash i want peace

you and i are the same then, all bark no bite (just a nibble i think AHHAHA)

srry i've got distracted. i'm grateful! your words sound really comforting to me. but it's not like smth happened. this situation (like all things i must do but also the need to watch hotd without subtitles and so on) is so... ridiculous. it's killing me. why do i sound so whiny and complaining TT srry ig this's just how i see my life. (no but hotd already made my cry a couple of times)

im glad i can be a comfort to you my love. its ok to feel frustrated over things that frustrate you. its better sometimes to ride it out so that you let go of the feeling more wholly. as someone who watches a bunch of foreign films/shows, i understand the frustration of finding content without subtitles you can read so its ok. idk if i cried over hotd but i did very much feel disturbed many times over

'that means you want me to be nervous' IM SORRY TT it's good you understood i hadn't meant it. it was late with my brain even slower. wish you strong nerves!! giving them to you with a big kiss on your big brain!! thank you sm for your support, my most comfort person!! hope you can (or already did) forgive you too.

'i’m sure the same could be said about your kitty' ok i'm gonna make it a little sad rn. that very day, after nearly attacking my mom, my cat came back to me to lay on my lap. so now i'm crying and i'm not hot TT my face is pretty ugly rn but my eyes are shiny and it's pretty ig

T_T MY LOVE T_T IDK WHAT TO SAY ITS GREAT THAT YOUR CATE CAME BACK BUT ALSO REALLY SAD its ok to cry if ur sad but dont let yourself be sad all the time. i kiss my pretty darling

OH YOU KNOW WHAT?? you've reposted 'I, Unfortunately, Love You Most' and i recalled i was that anon too TT maybe even your work inspired me to request 'it takes two' and ask to make it more cruel sidjdpsp i like miserable and desperate daemon.

DANG THAT WAS YOU TOO you really are my #0 fan AHHAAAHHA tbh i love cruel fics but sometimes i dont think i write it well enough lol

i literally have fucking huge plot abt it in my notes... *winkwink* i've got a lot of thoughts about fics about daemon and some ideas but i feel like you're too busy. and like i need to go to bed... so have a nice day! take care! love you <з

you can always send me your thoughts if you want to. it's really just that i get back to them a little late because of how famous i am 😎 lol but in all seriousness, im so honored so many people like my writing enough to req things from me so yeah im luv u all<3

xxx

[babybluebex]

laszlo kreizler nsfw alphabet

so yeah this... Happened. the zemo version is coming soon, stay tuned! (probably tomorrow morning bc a bitch is tired lmao)

(gif credit to @lindir)

A = Aftercare.

Laszlo is such an aftercare king. He’s checking on you in every way he can think of: asking you if you feel alright, maybe massaging your hips if he had you in a weird position, offering you dinner or wine, maybe even a hot bath, if you’d like (and the bath would have special perfumed oils he had sent from Paris because Laszlo is SUCH a self care whore, he’s got soaps and perfumes out the wazoo).

B = Body Part.

His favorite part of yours are your breasts. No questions, hands down. He likes using your breasts as a pillow at night— just settling himself between your legs and resting his head on your tits is a dream he indulges in frequently. He also really loves seeing you in the new French-style of dresses that have a lower neckline, and, if you wear one of those dresses to dinner without telling him beforehand, he’s as good as gone. He’s staring the whole time and can only manage simple sentences.

C = Cum.

I think Laszlo likes to cum inside you, but he also wouldn’t mind cumming on your tits. If you’re on your knees, sucking him off, he’ll pull himself out of your mouth and almost rip your blouse in his haste to set your tits free before his orgasm rips through him. He only chooses to cum inside you if he can’t cum on your tits (for example, if you’re having slow, kissy sex and he can’t bear to leave your wet heat).

D = Dirty Secret.

Laszlo. Loves. To. Be. Degraded. From a psychological standpoint, he understands that his desire to be brought down and ridiculed is born from some sort of childhood trauma that DEFINITELY involves his father, but he just can’t help himself from getting so ridiculously turned on when you call him a dog for humping your leg while you try to sleep. Bonus points if you use his title while you do it: “Just like a little bitch in heat, aren’t you, Doctor Kreizler? You’re so aroused, you can hardly handle yourself. Are you too dumb to touch your own cock? Do you need me to do it? Oh, Doctor, what a dumb little thing you are.”

E = Experience.

Even Daniel himself has said that Laszlo has like NO experience. Laszlo got ZERO bitches (which I find hard to believe but ok whatever you say, writers of The Alienist), so, the first time y’all have sex, he’s more likely than not losing his virginity (let’s not get into the debate of “virginity is a social construct” because a.) IT IS and b.) Laszlo would lecture for hours about this). HOWEVER, these things come naturally to him. He is just Good In Bed. He figures it out very quickly, so, while you make fun of him for going a little stupid when he’s aroused, he makes up for it by bruising your cervix and apologizing later.

F = Favourite Positions.

Laszlo loves that soft, slow, kissy sex, so he’s into whatever position makes it possible for him to be inside you and to kiss you at the same time. Missionary is a go to, but sometimes he’ll have you sit on his desk and kiss your neck as he hikes your skirts up and fucks you all slow and nice.

G = Goofy.

Hardly ever? Laszlo is pretty serious most of the time, and the only time we ever see him Not Serious in the show is when he’s wasted after John’s bachelor party in season 2. So, maybe y’all went to dinner at Delmonico’s, then a ball for members of high society, and he had a little too much champagne and schnapps. He’s not like giggling and all, but his cheeks are red and he’s smiling more than usual, and calling you sweet names “Oh, mein Kätzchen” and “Meine kleine Prinzessin”. That’s Laszlo’s version of goofy.

H = Hair.

OK, my train of thought here is: LOOK AT THIS MAN’S BEARD. HIS BEARD IS NICE AS SHIT. If he treats his facial hair that good— regular trims, the beard oils we all know he uses, even if it isn't strictly canon— then his downstairs hair is nice too. Definitely soft, if maybe a little wiry sometimes (but tbh whose isn’t), and it’s a nice little cropping at the base of his cock. He also has a thin happy trail up his soft tummy, and a good amount on his chest (as we see in the show lol that much is canon).

I = Intimacy.

Laszlo is ALL ABOUT intimacy. You’ll know he’s in a ~mood~ because you’ll ask what’s being served at Delmonico’s that night, and Laszlo is like “I thought we might stay in tonight. John gave me his grandmother’s recipe for chicken soup”. He’ll light candles and pour you wine and play nice music on his gramophone, and he’ll romance you throughout dinner with little hand touches and sly smiles, until he’s kneeling in front of you and slowly kissing up your leg.

J = Jack-Off.

Honestly, he hardly does it. Of course, I’m sure he did it A LOT before he met you, but now he doesn’t need to pleasure himself anymore. He’s got you to do that. The only exception is if he has to travel for work and you can’t go with him. Even then, he’ll hold off until he absolutely can’t stand it, and then he’ll like read a letter you sent him or look at a sketch that John did of you while he whacks off; sometimes, he’ll just hold your letter to his face, and the faint trace of your perfume is enough to do the job.

K = Kink.

He likes impact play a lot (and perhaps a little roleplay wrapped up in it). On the rare occasion that his fucking is anything but soft and lovely, he’s gonna be hitting your ass and the backs of your thighs as you cling to him while he rails you stupid. Laszlo would try to hit your cheek, but he feels too bad when you wince at the pain of it. Spanking your tits is good to him too. His favorite though (and here’s where the roleplay comes in), is caning your ass. He’ll bend you over the desk in his home office and pull your skirts up past your hips, and he’ll make you count the amount of times his thick wooden cane connects with your soft asscheeks. The roleplay is, more often than not, you were his assistant who did something wrong and needed to be punished. If you miss one or forget to thank him accordingly “Thank you, sir”, he’ll focus the next hit on your thighs.

L = Location.

Either the bed or his desk. Laszlo is a little older (I don’t think we ever get an explicit age? But if we say he’s the same age as Daniel, then he’s 40 to 42-ish) so he can’t do it against a wall or anywhere too crazy (not to mention his right arm can hardly support much weight, so if he needs to hold you up, it’s probably not gonna happen). The bed is a special time for you two because of his arm; he’ll hold himself up with his left arm and rest his hand on your hip or wherever to give himself at least a little leverage. But the desk is usually easier because you can sit, or you can bend over and he can grab your hip.

M = Motivation.

He loves you and wants to worship you. It’s truly as simple as that. He loves you and thinks that you’re the most beautiful creature he’s ever seen, and he wants to show his reverence for you by making love to you.

N = No.

He can’t get into the role of “daddy”, nor can he call you “mommy”. Childhood trauma aside, he will be goddamned if Sigmund fucking Freud is correct about his bullshit Oedipus complex or whatever, so he just eliminates that whole thing entirely.

O = Oral.

He’s very good at it. He’s just… His lips are soft and his beard is good, and he’s not afraid to get a little messy with it. He’ll eat you out until he absolutely has to come up for air, and he’ll have a little bit of your wetness clinging to his mustache, but then he’s right back in it. His medical degree is also put to good use here because he remembers his female anatomy and he’s locked onto your clit the entire time. The first time you ever squirted, it was because Laszlo was nipping at your clit and sucking your wet little hole and pressing his thick fingers into you, and it was A Lot To Process, but you squirted and Laszlo came in his pants instantly because he’s like “I didn’t think women could actually do that… I thought that was a thing that penny novels made up”

P = Pace.

Again, he’s a little older, so he doesn’t fuck like some wild boy. He takes his time with you, touching you and caressing you and kissing you, and his pace is the same way. He’s slow and gentle, but has the capacity to go faster and harder if you ask for it.

Q = Quickie.

Hates them. Never. Never ever ever. If he can’t properly romance you and take his time with you, then what’s the point??

R = Risk.

Surprisingly, Laszlo is a little schemer, and he loves running a risk. He’s already looked down upon by other society members, so what’s the harm in squeezing your ass at a party? PERHAPS it’s inappropriate to get caught in a dark corner with your hand down his trousers and him kissing your neck, but it’s easy to blame it on the alcohol.

S = Stamina.

Once more, he is firmly middle aged, so he can do one round— maybe two, if he’s feeling particularly frisky. Usually, though, one is more than enough for both of you.

T = Toy.

HAVE YALL SEEN SEX TOYS FROM THE 1890S?? SHITS ARE SCARY. Laszlo does not like toys, but he understands their need for existing, so he may not like them but he tolerates them. That being said, he likes to watch you use them. LIke, he’ll sit in a chair by the bed and request you “put on a good show”, and he’ll watch you fall apart, and he’ll only come and touch you if you beg and plead for him to.

U = Unfair.

Mhm, so, in Laszlo’s mind, sex and pleasure are not just a give and take, it’s a two way street. They can (and often need to) coexist. He doesn’t like to initiate something if you won’t be able to reciprocate, so he’s not too into teasing or things. At the aforementioned parties, he’ll only goose your ass if he knows you’re 100% down for it.

V = Volume.

He’s fairly quiet. His mouth is usually really close to your ear, and you’re the only one who gets to hear his pretty little noises. The loudest he’ll be is when he’s come home after traveling and it’s felt like ages since he’s made love to you, he’s gonna come inside you, and his little gasp and moan are louder than usual.

W = Wild Card.

He is down to be tied up. He doesn’t like to tie you up, but if he’s the one being restrained, he’s all over it. It’s nothing too intense, just using a ribbon for your hair to tie his left hand to the headboard, not super tight but enough to make his fingers a little tingly, but he loves it. He loves the switch of the dynamic, how he’s fully at your mercy and you can use him however you please; usually, you just suck him off and ride him, but the endless possibilities get him hard as soon as you pull out the ribbon.

X = X-Ray.

Laszlo has Big Dick Energy, so he has to have a big dick. The best example of this sort of energy is in the very first episode after he goes and interviews Wolf, and comes to speak to Teddy, and Teddy is like “you interviewed the suspect? On whose authority??” and laszlo is like “Mine” like OH HIS DICK IS BIG I KNOW IT. He’s got an above average length and girth, but we know our man likes to eat, so some of his weight goes to his dick, so it’s like,,, He’s got a fat cock, sorry, I don’t make the rules

Y = Yearning.

Constantly. Neverending. He’s at work and he’ll catch a glimpse of a pastel drawing that you commissioned from John for Laszlo’s birthday that sits in a frame on his desk, and his heart starts to hurt from missing you. When he comes home, he’ll embrace you and kiss you like he hasn’t seen you in years, and he’ll want to hear all about your day. You have your doctor so whipped for you, and it’s a different kind of whipped than being pussy whipped. He’s, like, feelings whipped.

Z = ZZZ.

He’s a sleepy little baby after you guys finish. His eyes will be a little heavy and sticky as he’s cleaning up and caring for you (and you definitely coo at him “Oh, Las, you’re so sleepy!”) but when you’re both back in bed, our little man is circling his arm around your waist and nuzzling his cheek into your shoulder. He’s so soft and affectionate, and he’s out like a light when you kiss his forehead and tell him you love him.

[folkloreguk]

French Class [7]

A/N: AAAH I apologize in advance for this part bc I feel like it's kinda messy :/ I hope you still like it though?? Lmk what you think! x

genre: optional bias (m) x reader (f), fwb, f2l?, college!au, fuckboy!bias, nerd!reader, angst, H/N is a jealous and drunk fool :/

words: ~ 3.7 k

✽series masterlist✽

taglist (lmk if u wanna be added!): @lovely-ateez, @runaway-fics, @mainexiii, @awfullytiredbuthealing, @erikyoong, @etherealuv, @yeostars, @staysuki, @justcuz-ican, @hyuckthangs, @teenloves, @mexious18-blog, @sunghoonied, @mailobjaeyoon, @tr-wemoon, @prismwon

couldn’t tag: @chorizoek, @r-eadings

H/N’s POV:

Maybe I’ll come ‘round, your text had said. How did you expect him to enjoy the party if you wouldn’t be there? H/N used to make fun of guys who ran after girls like lap dogs. And yet, over time he had become one of them, if not worse. Every text, every possibility of seeing you had him on the edge of his seat in excitement. There was nothing he cared about more than spending time with you. When at first it had been sexual attraction – an obsession with your body and the way you turned him on with the most subtle words and touches – it had changed into something entirely different. The relentless hunger was now occasional, ever so often interrupted by a dire wish to see you smile. A wish to hold you, and to kiss you out of the blue – something he wasn’t allowed to do if it wasn’t for the two of you hooking up. The stupid agreement you had made was starting to feel like torture instead of heaven. He was lucky his poker face was professional, and he had years of practice in flirting and sounding casual even if his heart was beating up to his neck. There was no other way he could have concealed how infatuated he was with you, otherwise.

“H/N, come help me set up the snacks!” Korain shouted from the kitchen. H/N’s friends were throwing a party at their place, and he had shown up early to assist them in preparing everything. With you on his mind – as always – he trotted into the kitchen where a row of bowls was standing out on the counter.

“Just open and pour the bags into the bowls, will you? I still need to get ready,” Korain said. “Chohee said she might be here a bit earlier, and I don’t want to look like this when she’s going to look amazing.”

Korain gestured to his bed hair he probably hadn’t brushed once since getting up and then tweaked the fabric of his sweatpants and his old, baggy tee. H/N wanted to argue that if Chohee really liked Korain, she wouldn’t mind seeing him this way. H/N, for one, couldn’t care less what you wore tonight. As long as you showed up at all, he would be beaming. Strictly speaking, at times when he got to see you wake up, sleep in your eyes and your clothes in a disarray, it spun his head in ways no little black dress could ever do. When he saw you make breakfast in his kitchen, in his shirt, he could barely contain himself.

His daydreams of you were once naughty and gave him boners at random times of the day – and don’t get me wrong, they still were, sometimes – but it was when the domestic dreams had begun, that he realized he was screwed. He didn’t need anybody to tell him how he felt, nor did he have some crazy moment of clarity. There came a point in his days where he didn’t just notice his non-sexual daydreams of you, he invited them. His brain was imagining things like setting up a shared table for dinner or kissing the back of your hand in the dark of a movie theater or playing you a cheesy song that reminded him of you. He wanted to hold your hands from across the library table and have his arm around your shoulders to show you off to the entire campus. But none of it could be real. It all went against the rules.

“Will Y/N be here too?” Korain asked and pulled H/N out of his daydreams. God, I hope so, he thought.

“She said she might be here,” H/N answered.

“Chohee’s always talking about her. And you. About how she thinks Y/N has a crush on you, but she always denies it, saying you’re just friends. Maybe you could try and bring that up tonight?” Korain said, as if discussing your feelings for someone was as easy at conversing about the weather. “Alright, I really have to go get ready now.”

“I’ve been thinking, I might- “ said H/N, but Korain only pat his shoulder.

“Let’s talk later, at the party, okay?” he said, and walked out the kitchen. I might like her, H/N had been meaning to say. I might like Y/N. No. I’m in love with her. No maybes. He could bet all his money on it, that’s how sure he was. But his friend had disappeared and now it was on him to wait until the party began. Left alone with his thoughts.

Of course, you would deny having a crush on him. Because you probably didn’t, he thought. Wouldn’t you search for a smart guy, someone your mother would approve of, and someone who understood your endless talks of nerdy topics? Although sometimes he had no idea what you were on about, H/N was captivated whenever you gave him a lecture about something you had learned. And when he asked you to explain something one more time, you never hesitated, or judged him for it. Your kindness made his heart swell, and only when the first crowd of party guests arrived did he realize he had spent half an hour daydreaming about you. Again.

With the way he kept the front door in his sight at all times, one could have wondered if he was a highly wanted criminal on the run, afraid the cops could barge in at any moment. Some of the girls who tried to flirt with him even asked him about it, but he wasn’t going to confess he was waiting for the love of his life to walk through that very door. With little conviction he returned their flirting. He hated himself for the thoughts he had. Thinking that should you not arrive, he could console himself by taking one of the other girls home instead. They didn’t deserve to be used like that, but he was bitter and so, so in love with you. It was hard to pay any attention to the other girls at all, no matter how sweet they were being.

Flirting back at them, however, came to him as easily as the words to his favorite songs. It posed no challenge, like it did with you. When he had to try hard to make your cheeks heat up, or to lure out a shy smile instead of your genius, quick-witted remarks. There was nothing more exciting to him than to invent new ways in which he could make you flustered.

Right now, it was his turn to be flustered. Because his ex had approached him and was reciting some of her favorite memories she had of their relationship. “Remember our third date…the one that ended with us squished in that tiny dressing room at Victoria’s Secret?” she asked and blinked at him expectantly. He went along with her words and replied something not too direct, but still enough to make her giggle like a little girl.

It was his own fault she was so intent on talking to him. While you had been on your date with the economy-major-guy, H/N had tried to contact his ex again. In hindsight, he thought it pathetic and extremely stupid at that. Nothing would have come of it, anyway. Not while he felt the way he did about you. So it was only lucky his ex hadn’t been free that night. Then he had gotten dangerously close to drowning his feelings in the vodka in his kitchen. Thankfully he had refrained from this, too, because you had shown up afterwards and you had ended up having mind-blowing sex, and he knew for a fact that had he been drunk, he would have blurted out some crazy sentiments he would have regretted saying in the morning.

Sometimes he tried to signal you his emotions, ever so subtly. Waving off your claims when you called him the campus fuckboy or telling you he wasn’t really hooking up with anyone else besides you, it all was an attempt at making you see what he felt for you. He would tell you that you looked pretty, not just so you would understand he liked you, but simply because it had to be said. When he regarded you fixing your hair in the mirror with a frown, he could barely believe you didn’t know how beautiful you were. And he had gotten closer to you during sex. Whether it was voluntary or an instinct that came with being in love, he wasn’t certain. There was nothing like kissing away your moans while he fucked you into a mattress.

He was about to text you – the urge to see you getting unbearable – but didn’t want to sound clingy when you strut through the door. No slow motion or fan blowing your hair around dramatically would have made you look more perfect. The ridiculous pang he felt in his heart when he saw you hug another guy only reminded him of how whipped he was. He reminded himself that he had no right to be jealous. You weren’t his girlfriend, after all. When you then made eye contact with him and made a beeline for him, he was worried he’d be short of words. He needed to pull himself together.

“Hi,” you said, and your smile was magical enough to stir up the butterflies in H/N’s stomach. You pointed at the empty spot on the sofa between H/N and another guy you didn’t know. “Is this seat taken?”

“No,” the guy said, before H/N had time to speak, and the stranger smiled at you in a way that could only mean he wanted to get to know you. But H/N caught your attention by swiftly putting his arm around your shoulder, making the stranger back up and divert his eyes the other way. He had never meant to be the jealous type. It was just that you were finally here, and he was so happy to see you, he couldn’t bare the thought of you running off again. Only when you gave him a funny look H/N realized he needed to calm down if he didn’t want you to get annoyed.

“So, what did I miss?” you asked.

His ex was approaching from across the room again, and before he could have stopped his mouth, he said the stupidest thing. “Kiss me.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, but he was intent on it. “Please. Kiss me. Quick.”

There was a strange emotion that crept over your face, and you seemed to have no clue why he was so set on it. Nevertheless, you did as he asked. Your mouth tasted of watermelon bubblegum, so sweet, so perfect, and he was flying on cloud nine for the short while it lasted. It wasn’t real, though. The thought stabbed his brain like a dagger. When you pulled apart you were grinning, and his ex wasn’t in the room anymore.

“Care to explain why we just did that?” you asked. “You’re diminishing your chances with the ladies in the room.”

He rolled his eyes. “My ex has been trying to get with me again, and I hoped she’d let off if she saw us kiss. And she did.” Then his eyebrows raised. “What do you mean by my chances with the ladies? I was hoping we could go home together.”

“I can’t tonight,” you said, and he had to fight to keep his face straight. “I’ve got to get back to studying first thing tomorrow morning. I just came here to hang out, for a while.”

“Oh,” was all he could muster without sounding like you were ripping out his heart. It wasn’t even your fault. He would never try and get between you and your studies. But what if he could be there? What if he could be the one staying in bed, watching as you climbed up early to bury your head in books? He’d watch you through tired eyelashes, and you’d ridicule him for being so starry-eyed when looking at you. Later he’d bring you tea or coffee and remind you to take a break to eat. Was it ludicrous to obsess over something so domestic? He didn’t feel guilty for it.

All at once, your laugh pulled him out of his daydream, and into a funny story you told him. Over-consciously, he noted how your arm went around his shoulder lazily. And for a while you sat and talked. Occasionally a flirty remark slipped over your lips, and he would always return it. It was idiotic, but he was already worrying about how much he would miss you once you went home. Perhaps his plan of consoling himself with another girl hadn’t been so bad, after all. Just as he had finished the thought, a familiar face walked by and noticed him. The alcohol in his veins made her seem perfectly inviting as a distraction, for later.

“Oh, hey. Y/N, this is Minji,” he said, pointing at the girl. “Minji, this is Y/N. She’s…just a friend.”

Instantly, you removed your arm from his shoulder. There was hidden pain in your gesture, or was it merely wishful thinking on his side? Minji nodded and greeted you, but you only waved her off with a polite smile.

“I’m going to get a drink from the kitchen,” you announced, and before he could have stopped you, you had walked off. For a while he chatted with Minji, because he had no good reason to run after you that wouldn’t create awkwardness. His patience lasted approximately ten minutes. Luckily, a friend waved at Minji from across the room and she excused herself. Although he would never wish her ill, he was glad she was leaving.

Quickly, he made his way to the kitchen, where he found you talking to a guy. Without thinking, H/N smiled at you as he came up to you and wrapped his arm around your waist. He hadn’t meant to look so intimidating, and he hadn’t meant to be an asshole either. Yet, the guy across from you appeared scared and when you turned your attention to H/N, the guy slowly retracted into another circle of chatting people. Guilt crept in on H/N. He was tipsy, and although he knew his drunkenness wasn’t an excuse, it made him want you so much more. Perhaps it was also insecurity making him act crazy. There was always a glimmer of hope in the back of his mind, that you might just like him back. So long as you hadn’t confirmed the opposite, he would live in constant terror that someone else could steal your attention and make you theirs before he could.

“Come with me,” you muttered in his ear. Your hand was around his wrist, and he had no choice but to trot after you like a child. At first, he thought you were going to take him out the front door, but then you made a turn for the stairs. He didn’t need to be a fuckboy to know what it meant when a girl walked him up the stairs. From one second to the other, his mood changed into gleefulness. Had you changed your mind? The mere thoughts of what could happen upstairs could have given him a boner, had he pondered on them for longer. You said nothing, only driving him more insane by the second. The first open door was good enough for you, so you pulled him inside and closed it behind you. Smirking, he reached for your waist, ready to pull you into a kiss.

“Don’t,” you hissed, and he flinched at your angry tone. He kept his hands to himself, kneading them nervously. Shit. This was the clear opposite of what he had anticipated. The two of you had never fought, and hearing your voice, sounding so deeply upset, scared him.

“What do you think you’re doing?” you asked.

“I’m sorry, I thought you wanted to make out- “ he said.

“I don’t mean just now. I mean…what is it you’re trying to achieve by acting all possessive over me in front of random guys? Pretending I belong to you? But the second a pretty girl is in front of you I’m just a friend, aren’t I? What’s that about?”

There was no explaining this, and he knew it. Yet, he would try, pathetically. “I just thought you didn’t want those guys bothering you.”

“I can handle a guy by myself, thank you,” you snapped. “If I needed help, I’d ask. Like you did. Apparently, I’m good enough to be used as an escape from your ex, but when hot Minji came around you wouldn’t even blink when I got up and left.”

“Usedas an escape?” he asked in disbelief. “You didn’t have to kiss me, but you did anyway.”

“That’s because I was trying to be a good fucking friend!” you yelled now, sounding over the music from the party.

“You used me too, don’t you remember?” he countered. “Or did you not show up on my doorstep after your terrible date so I would fuck you and make you feel better?”

You looked taken aback for a moment, knowing he was right, in a way.

“It’s like you’re always trying to get away from me, but you can’t,” he said.

“Oh, fuck you!” you said, every trace of guilt washed away. “Get off your high horse! Isn’t that the whole point of us? That we’re using each other for sex? Nothing more than that, right? If I walked out now, you could go and find the next girl in line to take over instead of me. Didn’t you try to see someone while I was chatting to the guy I went on a date with? It’s all about using people, isn’t it? If things with the guy had gotten more serious for me, you’d have her, ready for you. Don’t you think that’s a little messed up? Leading someone on like that?”

There was truth to your words. He had tried to find someone to date, should you have found someone too and your friends-with-benefits relationship had been over. But he hadn’t led her on. He had been honest in letting the girl know he wasn’t sure if he wanted anything serious. His chest was hurting, and the pain was only making him more furious.

“Yeah, I could have switched you for her,” he said coldly. Was he only trying to hurt you now? Perhaps, but you had hurt him first.

“Right, because that’s all I am to you,” you said, quieter than before.

“That was our plan! You’re my fuck buddy, nothing more!” he raised his voice now, tired of your empty words and signs. “You have no right to accuse me of anything when I’m playing by the rules. The rules you made. Maybe we should go back to the beginning. Start the game over. I don’t even know what we’re arguing about right now.”

“Start over?”

“Go back to when we were just horny for each other and nothing else,” he said, as if that would be possible. As if he could ignore the way your eyes shined, even in the dim light coming from the streetlamps outside. Like he could pretend he didn’t want to hold you and make you forget all about this terrible fight.

“Fine, let’s try,” you said, and he watched in astonishment, as you closed the gap between the two of you. When you tilted your head, he gave you permission by doing the same. When you kissed, with teeth clashing and exhausted sighs mixing up, he swore there were bombs going off somewhere in his head. Alarm bells, too. This was by no means a great idea. But what could have stopped him and his hungry mouth? He backed you against the wall and pressed you into it, hard. Before he had registered it, his hands were pushing up the fabric of your dress and you moaned, sounding so beautiful he could barely believe it. One of his thighs forced its way between your legs while he gripped your waist like his life depended on it.

But then, just as rapidly you had begun to kiss him, you pushed him away. His lungs felt tight when he noticed the affliction and confusion on your face. He wished he could make it go away. But he had caused it, so now his presence only made things worse.

“No- no, I change my mind. This is fucking stupid,” you said. “I can’t do this right now.”

“Y/N,” he said in a gentle tone. Somehow, it seemed that his careful voice hurt you most of all.

“I think we should stop. All of this,” you said. He was beginning to shake his head in disbelief, but you cut him off. “We said there wouldn’t be jealousy, but there obviously is. We should have stopped long ago.”

“But what about starting the game again, from the beginning?” he asked, too afraid of what you would say to even look at you. If you were going to rip out his heart you should have done so quickly, when he wasn’t paying too close attention.

“The game’s over. This is going over both of our heads,” you said. “I- I’m going to go home now.”

So this was heartbreak. H/N had never considered that it could be meant so literally. But he could swear that the muscle inside his chest was convulsing and shriveling as if you had stolen the blood that kept him alive right from his arteries. The pain was sharp like a thousand cuts had been inflicted on his skin, and he struggled for words like your words had taken every of his most elemental abilities.

“I’ll walk you home,” he said.

“No,” you said. “You’re drunk. You’re the one who could need someone to walk you home. And I don’t want you around me right now. Get home safely.”

That was it. No hug. No last, longing look. Just your words stabbing like knives and your ethereal beauty as you turned on your heel and walked from the room, leaving him behind, bleeding out by himself. What had he done?

[tracybirds]

Another ficlet for the Thunderbirds One Prompt challenge :D

Lady Penelope at Gordon’s bedside because he went and got himself shot... slightly angsty pen and ink, I should probably wait until tomorrow to reread before posting bc it’s inching ever closer to midnight but yolo I guess :P

---

Penelope’s eyes burned with the effort to keep them open, fighting against every instinct to creep away and curl up in a corner in restless sleep. Or, even worse, she could sleep fitfully, undisturbed by the notion that Gordon might not return to them after all.

She stroked the back of his hand with her thumb, a gentle reassurance that she was here, that she had never left. Perhaps that had been selfish, she reflected. She certainly hadn’t any kind of good reason to insist on staying, no claim of familial bond, no precise promise that tied them together. They’d wasted too much time dancing around each other, and now she sat and waited as she’d always sworn she’d never do for anyone ever again, ready to throw all caution to the wind.

If only Gordon would wake up.

If only he weren’t so ridiculously big-hearted, if only he weren’t so noble and brave, if only he possessed even a single ounce of the self-preservation that had been drummed into her since childhood.

If only he had thought about himself for a second, and not her.

But then, she might not love him at all.

A creaking footstep in the doorway drew her attention, but Penelope refused to take her eyes off Gordon’s, as though afraid that even blinking would cause him to slip through her fingers.

“Parker.”

“M’Lady,” he acknowledged.

She knew why he was here, which is why she ignored him.

“M’m, you need rest as much as he.”

“I’m fine.”

“Begging y’r pardon, but you’re not.”

“Parker, I don’t expect any arguments.”

“Neither should you, m’Lady,” said Parker, stepping up and resting a solid hand on her shoulder. “But you’d be foolish to expect no such persuasion.”

“I can’t leave him.”

“You can. You choose not to.”

The reminder was a challenge, and her eyes lifted at last to meet it.

“I do so choose. And Parker, you would do well to remember the choice has always been mine.”

“Yes, m’Lady.”

He’d never agreed, but Penelope knew he would stand behind her as he did now. It wasn’t for him to approve, she reminded herself, and she gripped Gordon’s hand tighter.

“You don’t need to worry about me,” she said, watching the slow rise and fall of Gordon’s chest.

“I do,” said Parker, his voice graver than she’d ever known it. “Master Gordon there, he has scores of people to worry over him. If you hadn’t stayed, someone else would have.”

“Your point?”

“You don’t pay me to worry over you, I know that well, m’m.”

“Then why?”

“Because somebody has to.”

Penelope pressed her lips together, biting back any betrayal of emotion.

Something must have flickered in her eyes because Parker nodded firmly and stepped away.

“M’Lady,” he said softly. “He won’t thank you for this penance. When did you last eat? Or sleep?”

“It’s not for him,” she answered, deliberately ignoring the question.

“He won’t see it that way. And he would never forgive himself for being the cause of any pain in your life.”

“He should have thought about that before he dived in front of a man wielding a gun,” snapped Penelope. “He should have thought about how I would feel with his blood on my hands.”

She hurriedly swiped at her eyes and allowed his hand to fall heavy from her grip.

“You needn’t stay, Parker,” she said, looking up at him with shining eyes. “You’ve said only what is required of you.”

He didn’t move.

“M’Lady–”

“You’re dismissed.”

He fell silent at once.

Penelope stood quickly, intending to see him to the door, and stumbled with a small gasp. Her head spun, Parker’s distinct silhouette blurring as she reached for a steadying handhold.

“I’ve got you, m’Lady,” said Parker, and he did.

She breathed heavily, the dizzying exertion of merely standing catching up with her.

“I won’t leave him,” she said, lamely.

“I expected nothing less,” he said gently. “And I won’t leave you.”

He drew her to the bed beside Gordon’s and coaxed her under the covers.

“Sleep first,” he said.

“It isn’t fair,” she said, petulant to the end, but Parker knew she wasn’t speaking about the way he tucked her into bed like she was five years old again.

“I know,” he murmured, “I know.”

[havocmadden]

oooh this one's an oldie but a goodie. i came up with a once upon a time au VERY early on in my time enjoying descendants. i think i actually started writing around the time uma was announced as a character bc i LOVED the idea of mal and uma being girlfriends in the regular world but enemies in the fairy tale world. also ft my smee kid oc sadie, who is my angel and should be made canon immediately. @ disney hmu i'll let u use her for free and everything <333333

ben had heard the rumors that the weird punk kids had orgys every friday night and had discarded them as ridiculous slander, but now, seeing uma seated on mal’s lap, her arm around mal’s shoulders while mal casually holds the hand of the dark haired girl ben thinks is named evie, he’s suddenly unsure. mal stares him down, eyes dark and green and wild like an evil fairytale forest, and then it hits him — for some reason, telling kids he’s met only once that their parents are the villains of legend hasn’t gone over as well as ben had hoped it would.

“so what you’re telling me,” mal says, voice slow and incredulous. “is that we’re the reincarnations of fairy tale villains?” uma shrugs, like she thinks ben may not be quite wrong, and ben shakes his head.

“that’s not what i meant,” he says, voice cracking a bit — mal smirks at that and ben pretends not to notice. uma blinks.

“what do you mean, then?” she asks, grinning a little. her grin is sharklike, and ben can't help but feel he's the fish in this scenario. fitting, he thinks to himself, given that her mom is ursula.

“you were — and are — the children of those villains,” he explains, pulling his book from his bag, and opens it to the page of the wedding. the image of the wedding clearly shows him in a dark blue and yellow suit, wearing a golden crown with a lion on it as well as inset jewels, and clasping his hands is a girl who looks uncannily like mal aside from the platinum blonde hair she’s sporting in the picture a contrast to the deep plum the mal across from him now sports. the mal in the photo is wearing a golden crown with purple inset jewels across her brow, the gems shimmering in the painting's light. 

mal looks pretty shaken, suddenly, all her previous confidence vanished, only a ghost of it left on her face. “what is that?” she asks, and ben grins at her in a manner that he hopes is endearing.

“it’s our wedding. well, not ours, ours. it was our wedding in the fairy tale world.”

“we got married?” she asks, eyes wide. she looks almost afraid now, and ben notices evie squeeze her hand and uma reaches into her pocket, pulling out a butterfly knife. she starts twirling it in her hands casually, and ben realizes there's what looks like the outline of another knife in mal's boot. he has no idea how they got these weapons into the school, and frankly, he's not sure he wants to know. all three of them stare at ben, prompting him for an explanation.

“yes. well. sort of. it’s a long story.”

uma eyes him uncomfortably. “we’ve got time,” she says, cooly, continuing to do tricks with the knife in the hand that isn’t holding tightly on mal’s shoulder.

“okay. well. um.” ben had to admit he hadn’t really been expecting that. “well, here’s the deal.”

[LINE]

“you want me to marry you?” mal asks, her voice echoing through the royal chambers.

“mal, no one else on the royal council trusts you. audrey thinks you’re just like your mother, and chad thinks evie is a gold digger, and doug just really doesn’t trust jay around the mines in his kingdom — ” ben starts. “the only ones who are on board with this are lonnie and i. and a marriage would help, you know. smooth some of the tension.”

“well, for one,” mal snaps. “if evie was a gold digger she wouldn’t have been living in a piece of shit cottage in the middle of the woods with me and jay and carlos for the last four years. which, may i remind you, is where you found us, and where we would very much like to go back to.”

“mal, just listen,” ben pleads. he is losing his window of opportunity, he can tell. “we need you to defeat your parents, who may i remind you, are the epitome of evil — ”

“oh, you don’t need to remind me, king ben,” she snaps, her voice mocking. “we grew up with these villains of yours. do you think they were kind and loving to us, or that they were just like that to your parents?”

ben swallows. he can't bear to think about the implications of the comment mal just made. not today, not here, not now. “look, mal. we need you. even with lonnie’s army and all of ours combined we just can’t compete with their magic. and the fairy godmothers have limited power as they practice white magic.”

mal sneers. “and you think i practice dark magic because my mother was maleficent?”

ben winces, almost involuntarily. “don’t say her name — ”

“what, maleficent?” mal says, voice low. “maleficent. maleficent. her name doesn’t hold her power, my king.” the way she says my king is biting and mocking, and ben wants to crawl into a hole, but stands his ground. “don’t be a fool,” she scoffs, before adding, “and for your information, my magic is mainly limited to making my garden grow, and jay’s is limited to accidentally setting things on fire. and evie and carlos have no magic. we wouldn’t be of any use to you.”

“but you would,” ben pleads. “we’ve never had any firsthand experience with these villains. you have.”

“didn’t your parents defeat them the first time?” mal snaps, turning to leave. ben grabs her arm. he can’t let her leave. a look of sharp anger flashes across her face, and her eyes turn a bright, toxic green. ben drops her arm, suddenly aware that he has made what could be a dangerous mistake by touching mal without her permission.

“they’re dead, mal! that was how we knew they’d come back and formed an alliance. all of our parents were found dead the morning after the twentieth year celebration. that was a warning.”

“and how exactly will me marrying you help?” mal snaps.

“if i marry you, they’ll be forced to trust you. or, at the very least, put up with you.”

mal turns back to face him. ben swallows hard, attempting to ignore the fact that the likelihood is that mal and her friends will be ‘put up with’ until the time they defeat their parents, and then sent back to where they came from without so much as a thanks. “you really think that would work?”

he keeps his face level. “yes.”

mal doesn’t blink, just keeps looking at him, and then replies, deadpan, “and why can’t i marry lonnie instead?”

ben blinks in surprise. “because we’d have to get lonnie to go along with it and we don’t even know if lonnie likes girls and — ”

mal cuts him off. “i was joking,” she says, running her finger along the edge of one of the glasses ben had laid out. and then, laughing, she adds “mostly.” 

[LINE]

“so you're saying that my mother is ursula?” uma asks, twirling one braid around her finger in thought.

“well...yes?” ben says, wincing. 

“and my mother is the evil queen,” evie says slowly, almost thoughtfully. ben thinks that by the furrow in her brow she's considering the concept. 

uma stands up, almost sudden, and ben is confused as to why for a moment, but then mal stands and glares at him. it would be scary, but she's so small, and it almost seems more cute than anything, and ben has to bite down a heavy laugh that bubbles up in his throat. “you came here to tell me that my mother is maleficent and i married you?” she asks slowly, incredulously. ben nods. there's something dark and frightening in her tone. 

“unbelievable,” she says softly, almost to herself. “i cannot believe the nerve. you come here, with your picture-perfect life as the mayor's son to try and tell me my mother is the queen of all evil, and that we got married?” she shakes her head. “uh uh. not buying it. have fun with your fairy stories, benjamin.” the way she says his name is dripping with contempt, and she glares at him one last time before storming off. uma and evie follow her, without even a glance back at ben, and ben puts his head in his hands and sighs. 

[LINE]

“you're marrying him?” evie asks, pitch high enough to shatter a wine glass.

“and here i thought evie was the seductress,” jay says softly, in a low voice with a meaningful look at evie. evie looks back at him and smiles in a way that makes mal want to take her clothes off, but she pushes the thought away, reminding herself that this isn't the time. mal watches as evie pushes herself up against jay, looking into his eyes and batting her eyelashes. 

“guys, can we focus?” carlos begs, desperation and fear in his tone. “mal is marrying the king!”

“yes, of course,” evie says, stepping away from jay, with only a glance back and a whispered, “we're finishing that later.”

jay nods, anticipation in his tone. “yes, ma’am,” he says, and then turns to mal. “you're marrying ben?” he asks, hurt low and deep in his voice.

“yes,” mal says softly. there’s a hint of regret in her tone.

there's an undercurrent of deep hurt in evie’s voice as she asks, “do you love him?”

“of course not,” mal says, sounding surprised. “it was ben’s idea. it will get the council to trust us, and then we can help defeat our parents.”

“you sound just like him,” carlos says, hurt in his voice. “and might i remind you i don't want to face the people we spent our entire lives hiding from?”

“but,” mal says patiently. “but don't you see? if we defeat them, we don't have to hide anymore. we can be free. we can go to marketplaces, live in castles, we can have the lives we've always wanted,” she pleads, looking at evie. 

“no, mal,” jay says, stepping forward. “we can have the lives you think we always wanted. evie and carlos and i were content with what we had.”

“fine,” mal snaps. “fine. i didn't do it for you. i did it for me. i can't live like this! i can't be cooped up while my mother is out there, raging destruction.” mal purses her lips and glares at them before turning and leaving the room. 

“well,” jay muses. “that certainly could've gone better.” evie leans into his shoulder and says nothing.

[LINE]

“so he said what?” jay asks incredulously, scoffing a little at the concept.

“that my mother was maleficent and that i married him,” mal says, and then, scoffing, adds, “as if.” evie looks over at her with a grin. 

“you're way out of his league,” she says, with a flirtatious grin.

“did he say anything about anyone else's parents?” carlos asks, ever the pragmatist. 

“my mom's supposedly the sea witch. can you believe that?” uma asks, shaking her head. carlos grins at her. 

“isn't there a saying that says lawyers are sharks?” he asks, teasing grin on his face. “because if lawyers are sharks, and your mom is a lawyer, and lawyers make tricky deals like ursula, so i'd say that's pretty damn accurate.” uma shoves carlos lightly, mock-offense on her face, and he laughs.

“and he said my mom was the evil queen,” evie scoffs, fixing her lipstick as she looks in her compact.

“do you think he's wrong, lass?” harry asks from the other couch, where he's sprawled out with his head in gil's lap; gil is running his thick fingers through harry's hair.

“well,” evie says, dabbing at her blush, “she is a bit of a narcissist, but she hasn't tried to kill me yet, so i’d say we're good.”

“but what about your sister?” gil blurts, and uma glares at him. the room goes silent. all eyes turn to evie, who shuts her mirror with a snap, glaring daggers at gil.

“first of all,” she begins icily. “she’s only my half-sister, and second of all, the court ruled that it was an accident.”

the room is silent for several more seconds, before jay muses aloud, “i wonder if any of our parents are fairy tale villains.” he's obviously trying to lighten the mood, but nothing can lighten what was just said. gil can't take it back. 

“excuse me?” mal says, tone a bit annoyed. “can we get back to the fact that he told me we got married? i mean, worst pick-up line ever.” carlos laughs, and everyone can feel the tension drain from the room, but there's still something uneasy in the air that no one can shake. 

[LINE]

mal is standing in her room in ben's palace alone when there's a gentle knock at the door. she's looking at her white dress and fancy updo in the mirror. she can't believe she's doing this. she can't believe she's walking down the aisle and carlos, evie, and jay aren't waiting at the altar. she sighs, and the knocking comes again, a little less gentle this time. 

“come in,” mal calls, a touch of melancholy in her voice. 

“it's me,” someone says, and mal turns around to see lonnie dressed in a peach dress with pink accents. she crosses the room and puts her hand on mal’s shoulder, before squeezing mal's arm gently. “i wanted to check in with you before the wedding. you know, make sure you're not having any second thoughts or anything.”

mal feigns a laugh. “me? having second thoughts? that's funny,” she says, and lonnie’s eyes melt with concern. 

“you don't have to be brave about this, mal,” lonnie says. “nothing about this is easy.” mal sighs, and lonnie pulls her in for a hug. “i'm right beside you if you need me, okay?” 

mal nods, and she has never really been grateful for anyone who wasn't evie, carlos, or jay before but she thinks right now that's changing, and she doesn't seem to mind as much as she thought she would. 

[LINE]

mal is digging around in her locker when she hears a familiar voice. “mal, i just - ” she slams her locker shut and sees who it is. it's ben. “i just wanted to apologise,” he says, and mal rolls her eyes. 

“yeah, right,” mal says. “you just wanted to tell me more about what your dumb book says.”

ben gapes at her. “i mean, you're right,” he says, and mal pivots and walks away. ben starts following her, and keeps talking while he does it. “i kept reading, and mal, you and evie and uma aren't the only ones with villain parents. sadie and harry are smee and captain hook’s kids, and jay is jafar’s son, and carlos’s mom is cruella de vil, which makes sense because she's so awful - ” mal stops in her tracks. 

“do not pretend to know anything about carlos’s mother, benjamin. in fact, don't pretend to know anything about any of us! you don't just get to barge into our lives and make them all about you and then leave! you do not get to tell us that just because our parents are abusive that makes them fairy tale villains! leave me alone! leave us all alone!” she pivots again, her face contorted with rage, and storms away. ben blinks, still gaping at the space she has left in hallway. he really has got to find a way to make this topic go over better.

[LINE]

mal and ben sit at the head of the table, squeezed together onto a small couch, and mal has to pretend it doesn’t physically hurt her to sit this close to ben. she looks across the table, and she doesn’t see evie, carlos, or jay anywhere. but there’s nothing she can do about it, so instead of crying, she feigns a smile, laughing and as she reaches for another glass of champagne, the doors burst open with a puff of teal smoke. 

lonnie jumps to her feet, holding a sword she pulled out of somewhere — mal has no idea where, given the way her dress clings to her body, and when the smoke clears, a girl mal’s age is standing there. her hair is pulled up into a tight bun, and her dress is teal and gold, and surprisingly formal. she’s smirking, and mal recognizes her instantly. like, how can she not?

“you’re having a wedding and you didn’t invite me?” she says, mock-offended, though mal can tell from the smirk on her face she isn’t quite serious. not that uma would have come if mal had invited her, but mal digresses. that's not really the point.

“and here i thought getting mad because she wasn't invited to things was my mother's thing,” mal quips. glancing over at lonnie, mal sighs. “lonnie, it’s fine,” she says, and lonnie lowers her sword, but doesn't put it down, because she doesn’t seem to quite believe what mal’s just said. to be fair, if mal was lonnie, she wouldn't believe herself either. “this is just uma. she likes making an entrance.”

“who’s uma?” ben asks, and uma’s grin widens. 

“just uma?” uma clicks her tongue, mock-offended, and then she bows before saying, “allow me to introduce myself, your highness. i am uma, daughter of ursula.”

“there’s other children of villians out there?” ben gasps, shocked, and turns to mal. “why didn’t you tell me?” he looks peeved, but mal isn’t surprised. it kind of feels like that no matter what she does, ben is annoyed. whatever. it isn’t like it’s her job to babysit him. except it kind of is, the voice inside her whispers. i mean, you did just marry him. isn't that what marriage is?

uma clicks her tongue and looks at mal with what mal thinks is a mix of malice and pity. “this doesn’t seem to be starting off on the best foot,” she says, and mal glares at her.

“don’t you ruin this too,” mal snaps. it comes out a bit more harshly than she’d meant it to, but. hey. she doesn’t have time to worry about uma’s feelings. she's got a villain alliance to defeat, and a kingdom to run now, or whatever. 

uma bats her eyelashes innocently. “me? ruin anything? i never,” she says. she whistles then, as though summoning a dog, but instead of dogs, two men emerge from the hallway. “allow me to introduce my counsel, your highness. harry, son of captain hook, and gil, son of gaston.” ben blinks, dumbfounded at the appearance of someone related to gaston. he'd never thought about the fact that gaston might have produced a child. now that he thinks about it, it makes sense, but for some reason it had never crossed his mind. gil just waves at him, grinning, and harry keeps his sword raised, even though uma doesn't seem concerned about any danger here.

“what are you here for, uma?” mal asks. “we all know you didn't come here for the cake.”

uma laughs, and drags a finger through the uncut cake’s icing before popping it into her mouth. “delicious,” she says, removing her finger from her mouth. “a bit sweet for my taste, i think. what about you, mal? is it too sweet for you?”

mal glares at uma, who only laughs. “what do you want, uma?” mal snaps. 

“why, only to offer my services to the king, of course,” she says. “i have inside knowledge of the minds of the villains they're up against.” she gestures back towards harry and gil, and as she does so, another girl emerges from the hallway. she's wearing a red and white striped shirt, high waisted shorts, fishnets, and a black newsboy cap. her blonde hair, slightly wavy, tumbles from her head likes waves.

“coast’s clear, uma,” the girl in the fishnets says, and uma grins. 

“good,” she says, before turning back to the king. ben glares at her from his position on the couch, and uma bats her eyes innocently. “what?” she says. “i had to make sure you weren't planning anything behind my back, queen mal. back to business. i have in my crew the children of gaston, smee, captain hook, and of course, ursula. i have access to the direct descendant of the queen of hearts. and those are not the end of my connections. i know more than your wife will ever know,” she sneers. 

“oh, please, uma,” mal says. “access to the direct descendant of the queen of hearts? everyone knows she went batshit crazy long ago because of what her mother did to her. you’ll be lucky if you get her to realize you're there.”

“fine,” uma says, her expression hardening. “the children of the stepsisters and dr. facilier, then.” she looks at ben. “do we have a deal, my king?”

ben blinks. “what do you want in return for this information?” he asks. 

“let's call it a favor...or three.” uma smiles, and something makes ben feel as though he’s just made a devil’s deal, but he nods anyways.

[LINE]

carlos is packing up his bag after class when he hears ben’s voice. he looks up, surprised, just as ben says, “i wanted to talk to you.” 

“about what?” carlos asks, in confusion. ben has never wanted to talk to him about anything other than his reelection campaign for class president, so this comes as a bit of a surprise. unless, carlos thinks, unless this is about that bullshit fairy tale thing. but despite carlos's best instincts, there's something in him that feels achingly curious to hear more about this fairy tale world.

“about your mom,” ben says, sounding almost genuine.

“let me guess,” carlos says, deadpan. “my mom is cruella de vil.”

“how’d you know?” ben asks, shocked. 

“i have my ways,” carlos says smoothly, and ben raises his eyebrows. 

“mal told you, didn’t she?” and carlos sighs.

“yes,” carlos admits, and then sets his now-packed bag on the desk, and then says, tired-sounding, “why are you telling us, this, ben? what’s the purpose? do you want to fuck mal? because let me tell you, if that’s your goal, it’s not going well for you.”

“no!” ben scrambles back. “no, i just. the people in those books are who we truly are, and i want everyone to know who they truly are.”

carlos picks up his bag, and says, “maybe who you truly are is good, ben, but i don’t need cruella de vil’s legacy hanging over my head.” he leaves then before ben can get another word in. 

[LINE]

“how many other villains kids are you hiding from me, mal?” ben snaps. they've just gotten back to their room after the reception, and ben has no idea why the hell mal wouldn't mention uma before she showed up at their wedding.

“why does it matter to you?” mal retorts. “you wanted my help! you asked me to marry you! this was all your idea!” ben had never asked mal if she and the others were the only children of villians — of course they weren't. their parents had all known each other, some way or another, even before they'd attacked ben and company's parents. and then they'd lied low for years, raising their children, grooming them to hate their own enemies (mal and uma had been pitted against each other since birth — their mothers had never gotten along) and training them so they would be better than them. better than their parents. mal would defeat aurora and her prince and her bratty daughters. she had three of them, just like the fairies who'd raised aurora, out of her mother's sight, out of her mother's mind, mal's mother had hissed, recounting the tale. if ben had asked, she'd've told him — she couldn't lie, of course. faery blood ran in her veins. but if he never asked at all? lies of omission weren't technically lies.

“you were the ones we found first!” ben yells. “if we found uma first, it might've been her in that wedding dress!”

“i wish it was!” mal screams, ripping off her veil and throwing it on the floor. she turns and stomps out, her eyes glowing green. she's not lying. she can't, after all. uma would be better at this — she's always wanted power and the ability to get ahead of her mother, and her crew understands when she puts that first. but the way carlos and evie and jay had looked at her when she'd told them she was getting married — the way she'd felt — it had hurt more than she'd thought it would, that was all. 

[LINE]

mal slams the door shut on her way home. her mom's probably off... well, who knows. ever since mal got old enough to express her wishes, her mother's been cold to her, and it's been a fucking polar winter in the carabosse household ever since she'd come home with a tattoo of a poison apple on the inside of her left wrist. she, jay, carlos and evie had gotten them together after carlos's mom had thrown him down the stairs their sophomore year. evie, carlos and jay had forged their parents signatures, and mal had just gotten lily to sign hers for her, and that had been good enough for the tattoo artist, so. 

mal's mother, however, had been less than thrilled, and had threatened to disown mal if she hadn't immediately gotten it removed. mal had refused, and the two of them had gotten into a screaming match over it.

“lils, i'm home,” mal calls, to no response. whatever. lily's rarely home, either, and when she is, she's usually sleeping. she's a bartender downtown at  the poison apple, where she works night shifts with jay's cousin jade and where deigo de vil's band occasionally plays.

mal takes the stairs two at a time, ending up in her small bedroom. the walls, originally an ugly off-white, have been covered in paintings mal has done over the years. they're mostly spray paint portraits of her friends, all done in black and white. mal's mother called them an ‘affront to her authority.’ or at least she did, back when she was still talking to mal. now she mostly spends all her time at her yarn store, spindle & prick, and when she's not at the yarn store, she's working in her home office. not that mal is mad about being ignored, per se. being ignored is better than being pressured into fulfilling her mother's dreams and being abused when she doesn't live up to them.

mal flops on her bed, frowning. she can't get the image of her with that stupid crown on her head out of her mind. how'd ben get that art to look so much like her, anyway? she'd seen him in art class freshman year — he couldn't draw if his life depended on it, so he must've paid someone to do it. but none of that explained exactly what his goal was.

[fbfh]

dave strider dating headcanons

1k words, spoiler free

warnings: some swearing, mentions of brief fears (spiders, heights, loud noises), some swearing

pairing: dave strider x gn reader, optional brief skirt wearing

a/n: I am still in act 4 of homestuck so pls !! no spoilers !! take my interpretation of the characters with a grain of salt !! 

also  why is there no homestuck x reader fics?????? Am I looking in the wrong place????? Why are there barely 80 dave x reader fics on ao3 and almost none on tumblr??????? Did homestuck’s popularity just miss the x reader fic train???????? if so I fully intend to fix that (this is the first two or so pages of my dave dating hcs doc, I’m on page five and show no signs of stopping)

also since I’m still in act 4 right now I’m only writing for Dave, probably Jade, John, and Rose (maybe some of the trolls but it’ll be on a case by case basis until I feel like I know them well enough to write for them)

aged up to 18+ for moderate sex jokes lol

=>

Someone told me once that they think Dave is the only character they know of who can match my feral chaotic energy

And honestly I have to agree

Dave is a very strategically feral, chaotic person

You know that thing where 

Wait I’ll see if I can link it here

I can’t find the post but 

I forget what it said verbatim

But basically that if you want to take the piss out of someone who has an Intellectual Superiority Complex you just need to act brazenly confident and sure about something you know is incorrect and as long as you don’t let on that you’re joking they’ll argue with you endlessly and it’s fucking hysterical

Dave does that

All the time

He will deadass argue with the Smart Kid in his class that the moon is fake for hours

He’ll argue endlessly that Terry Crews, Kevin Hart, and Kevin James are the same person shifting forms with randos online

He does that thing where he one ups conspiracies with more outlandish conspiracies

“The moon landing is fake”

“Uh, bro, you still believe in the moon?”

You got a truly delightful video once of him arguing with a smart kid in class about one of those ridiculous topics

Like glinda being a princess

He leans forward, tilts his glasses, and says in the most confident self assured voice

“Okay- riddle me this, bro,” 

He points to the guy

“If pee isn’t stored in the balls, where do you hold it? In your hands?”

The entire class erupts into screaming laughs

The teacher enters to the guy getting up in Dave’s face screaming about sperm and piss

Both of them got a detention

If you can match his irony and sense of humor beat for beat

His brain goes into in love overdrive

You basically never “break character” and it’s fucking immaculate

He didn’t know you could vibe so well with someone

Every bad joke you make

Every meme reference

Every act of idiocy for the sake of the joke

He falls harder

It’s kind of scary for him at first

Having these raw genuine feelings so close to him

He covers with humor as usual

But part of him is freaking out a little

It’s sort of like finding a possum in your house

And then you realize there’s more possums hidden around

Then you run into the bathroom, look in your closet, check the pantry

There are possums everywhere

They don’t seem mean

They’re actually kind of cute

But what the fuck

Aren’t possums usually supposed to stay outside?????

So yeah when he falls he falls hard

I might do Dave crushing on you hcs too

One of his favorite ways to spend time with you is just chilling together doing separate activities and periodically updating each other

He’ll be working on some sick beats 

You’ll be sitting on his bed doing something you love

Drawing, bullet journaling, blogging, editing videos

Whatever your thing is

It genuinely makes him feel so close to you to just

Be near you

He has this sort of deep quiet admiration for you

For a while he genuinely has no idea how to connect the two aspects of his feelings for you and how he’s used to expressing himself 

He feels like he can’t tell you how much he likes you cause like

That’s not swaggy bro

So a lot of his affection is in little ways

He knows all of your favorite snacks and drinks

Favorite candies and gum 

He will protect you from anything you’re afraid of

Spiders? Gets rid of them so fast you literally didn’t know it was there

Loud noises? Has you listen to his latest mixtape when you’re going through somewhere noisy

If you have any mental health problems or we you bet your ass he will do so much research on how to support a friend with [insert thing]

Picks up on a lot of your cues and mannerisms quickly

Knows exactly when to give you his jacket, when to show you the perfect meme, when to take a study break

When to just pull you into a random dance party

He really likes dancing badly with you

Just failing around and spinning you around

If you like to wear skirts he likes the way your skirt flows when he twirls you

It looks so flowy

Like water or something

His favorite part is after you’ve been dancing for a while

When the song ends or when you get tired

How you’ll both kind of slow down and laugh and catch your breath

You’re still holding his hand

And you’re standing really close to him

He thinks you’ve never looked more beautiful

He never wears his sunglasses when you dance

He claims it’s because he doesn’t want them to fly off

But it’s really bc he doesn’t want anything getting in the way of watching you laugh and smile so much

Oof he’s got it bad for you

[saessenach]

Hi! For the ask thing, top 5 missmungoe's fics and top 5 One Piece villains?

Love your art!

Hi, nonnie!!

I'm afraid it's been a minute since I've been up to date with One Piece, so both questions will be more or less based around @missmungoe and her incredible, swashbuckling Odyssey-retelling (although let's be real, Odysseus could never) honest-to-god multi-verse Shanties 😊

Top 5 OP Villains

1. Blackbeard (love him, love the parallels to Luffy and Shanks, love his ominous intro and the way he's thematically relevant to a T)

2. Akainu (love to hate him, he is terrible, I hope he gets w r e c k e d, and that whoever takes him down has a marvellous time while at it)

3. That one guy from Film Gold bc he was hella compelling and he had style, but I forget his name. He was extra gaudy and that wins points from me

4. Gold Lion Shiki (I think??? From Strong World, because the last few films have been really good - worldbuilding-wise and narratively speaking, and it's been fun to dip my toes back into the story without having to tackle several hundred chapters)

5. TBH I've only rewatched properly up until Arabasta, so the villains I have Opinions on are Arlong, Croc, Captain Kuro and mayyyybe Rob Lucci and his gang, but I have no idea what's happened with them since, if they've gotten their own arcs like Buggy, or whether we're friends with them or not, so I'll leave it at that.

(An honorary mention to the slavemonger Celestial Dragon from the latest chapter of Mnemosyne, because he was awful, incredibly well-written and made me want to hurl my phone against the wall)

(So now onto the fun part)

Top 5 missmungoe fics

1. Heed the Siren's Call and Sailor's Folly (technically cheating as they are separate stories, yes, but when I reread one, I also immediately reread the other, so imo, it's only fair. Siren was a favourite I first read years ago on ff.net while it was being written, and which I happened across again in 2017 on ao3, and it's never been the same!! When I say it's life-changing literature, I mean it, because how many stories can claim to grow up and change right alongside you? I just have a lot of love for it, and I am this 🤏 close to taking a bookbinding class and having my way with it)

2. Penelope (the amount of times I've read and reread this is truly embarrassing, and that number has more digits than I care to admit - but I am a sucker for weddings which tell tradition to f right off, tiny brides giving voice to their anger at the world and bridegrooms smitten straight out of their ugly ass sandals. This is my comfort read.)

3. Mnemosyne (is the herculean, show-stopping, incredible slow-burn of my dreams and just - wow, it literally takes Oda's worldbuilding and makes it immeasurably richer and better. If for nothing else, then read it for Hancock and her friendship to Makino, for the INTRICACY given to the Amazons, for the way it breathes life into every single place the cast visits, and ties in over-arching themes from canon with details so fucking brilliant, you just sort of stare dumbly at your screen because of course they should be there. There are so many different POVs, and so many intersecting threads that make up this huge-ass tapestry I am continuously in awe of, because it's not just the HEART-ACHE INDUCING marvel of a love story, it's the Red-Hair crew's shenanigans, and the Straw-Hats' incapacity to stay put, it's Rowan's adventure, it's Hancock and her people getting the quality writing they DESERVE, it's the ASL reunion which made me cry, and a found family which spans oceans and realms of existence and everything in-between)

4. Andromeda Unbound (the SWASHBUCKLING UNDERCOVER EXTRAVAGANZA! The one where everyone and their mother separately shows up to crash Shanks' execution, complete with narrow misses, over-the-top banquets, Leverage heist music and so many good reunions. A big, fat and incredibly Extra(tm) middle-finger to propriety and saintly lawful systems, and just, so much fun to read)

5. Time for the ties lol - I still can't believe the Unspeakable 30 year fic and the subsequent AU in which Shanks crashes Makino's wedding are a thing, but I just love that miniseries a lot. Somewhere on this spot are also Moon and Her Maiden (for being ridiculously atmospheric), Bind me to the Tide (uhh, the coolest and also most painful soulmate AU for them, with Makino being very much against her intended, Shanks dealing with period cramps from Hell and just overall being Very Good for my Heart) and, of course Peony and Silver (ROGER. Shakky sweeping Rayleigh off his feet. ROGER. More over-arching themes, as usual. Have I mentioned, perhaps, ROGER? Just to be safe.)

Oh, and an honourable mention for Charybdis as it single-handedly (😌) dragged me out of the biggest art-block I've ever had, and I've rarely cried this much when reading fic.

Hope these answers are satisfying, nonnie!! Thank you for the lovely compliment, and for giving me an opportunity to gush about one of my favourite series ♡

[newtonsheffield]

First off, sorry for inundating your notifications 😬 Work was painful slow, so I decided today was the day to go through as many of the head cannon asks as I could. Gotta like them all bc a.) they are delightful and make me smile b.) I need to know where I left off😉

Anyway, I was wondering if you have any head cannons for holidays with the Bridgertons? Traditions, remarkable events or presents that became family lore, some first holiday/Christmas Drabble... (Feel free to hold onto this ask until it’s wintertime again haha)

Thank thank you for this lovely au, I had a great day living in it !

Hello! 

I have to admit, I get an odd sort of thrill when I see multiple notifications from the same people in a row! And as Someone that does 90% of my writing sitting on an upturned bucket while I’m supposed to be doing my paperwork? No judgement from me!  Ahhh but you see, it is nearly the wintertime for me again, being in the Southern hemisphere and all. Christmas happens in mid summer for me and it is... rather heinous actually. It somehow always finds a way to be the hottest day of the year, and my very British family practically sweats to death eating a Turkey and all the trimmings before we fight who gets the armchair right in front of the airconditioner before we argue playing a very intense game of Trivial pursuit! 

Okay, enough about me, Anthony + Kate + Holidays+ some baby Bridgertons + one Newton Sheffield-Bridgerton (Hyphenated last name begrudgingly allowed)

Also as a general disclaimer to those of you in the US (this is genuinely how we react to Halloween in Australia, Sorry about us) 

Halloween happens for the very first time about 4 months into Kate’s relationship wth Anthony and honestly, neither of them generally celebrated it. Anthony was begrudgingly buying some sweets on the off chance someone came trick or treating, when he heard his girlfriend coo delightedly to his left. he looked around a little startled only to see, much to his dismay, Kate looking at a rack of tiny costumes. Tiny costumes for dogs. Wouldn’t Newton look so Cute?! Kate cooed slightly holding up a spider costume. Anthony huffed, horrified to imagine having to take a photograph of him with Kate’s pudgy dog wearing some sort of costume. If you dress Newton up for Halloween, I’m afraid I’ll have to reconsider this relationship, Kate. Anthony said lightly, Kate laughed, a tiny smirk appearing on her face as she said, Don’t tempt me, Bridgerton. Before she took his hand and tugged him to the front of the store. And that is how Anthony Bridgerton found himself, three days later, at 6am quietly trying to struggle an overweight corgi into a pumpkin costume covertly in the wardrobe. Hissing Newton you are going on a diet this is ludicrous, Your mother is just- Anthony was cut off by Kate’s bright laughter looking up to see her leaning against the door to his walk in robe, her eyes sparkling with delight, practically glowing in the early morning light. Oh Don’t you look Handsome! She cooed down at Newton who yipped in delight his bum wiggling in a ludicrous dance at the sound of Kate’s voice. Kate reached down, plucking the little green stalk hat from Newton’s head snapping it over Anthony’s own chin. And aren’t you so sweet She sad as Anthony huffed. Kate’s instagram post captioned My two favourite Pumpkins and Greg(Red)Five: comments Dress him as an AT-AT next year! 

Edmund’s first Christmas happens when he’s about seven months old. And perhaps, ridiculously, because they both know he won’t remember it, Anthony and Kate are both very excited. They kind themselves on Christmas morning, Anthony dressed as Santa, Kate as Mrs Clause, Edmund as a tiny Elf, and Newton Yipping away as a (not so) tiny reindeer. How on Earth Did you get Anthony to put that costume on?! Gregory laughs brightly in his own Han Solo Christmas Sweater ( Luce Got it for me he’d said proudly as Kate had eyed Lucy’s matching Leia Organa one ), his  arm wrapped around Lucy who was cooing softly at her Godson, who has laughing happily as she clutched at her hair. Kate looked incredulously at him Greg, He bought them. Every year, Anthony and Kate reenact the picture of their first Christmas with their Son. Miles gets dressed as a snowman when he comes along, Charlotte is a Gingerbread girl, and Mary a Tiny little candy Cane. As the Children grow they grumble but take part in the Christmas day picture anyway. It becomes Kate’s favourite tradition as she watches her husband wrestle their family into their costumes their entire extended family having joined in ages ago. Lucy and Gregory's brood in their popculture costumes, Sophie and Benedict's Children Dressed as a tiny forest of christmas trees and her step mother says It’s funny, Mrs Johnson asked years ago how I could stand to have such an intimidating son in law. But he really is very sweet. Kate can’t keep the bright smile off her face when she says The Sweetest.              

[petersasteria]

It's meeeeeeeeeeeee ! Yeah, last one but i think it's great, any boy you want, (i saw Harry but i let you choose) 40 - 42 - 52 and maybe 46 yeahhh i see angst in that request, angst and fluff at the end...

I'll do peter hehe bc why not

40. “When my date takes me home and kisses me good night, if I don’t hear the Philharmonic in my head, I dump him.” 42. "To tell you the truth, I think your theories about relationships are total bullshit.” 46. "How could you do this to me?” “Because I’m in love with you!” “Ha! What kind of an excuse is that?” 52. "You’re so afraid of being hurt, you’re gonna end up all alone.”

Parker || Main || Taglist

Peter Parker was afraid of commitment.

He was scared that his heart would be so broken it couldn't be fixed anymore. Using his brains, he came up with theories about relationships and it all came down to sex. He figured the reason why things don't work out is because after people have sex, they leave and won't be bothered to call. Then he swore to himself that he'll only have one girlfriend and make sure she'll be on board with his theory.

Then he found you. You were perfect for him and he looked at you as if you put the stars in the sky. He was so in love and truly, you were in love with him too. He could remember your first date like it was yesterday.

It was 6PM and Peter was already at the restaurant. He was fifteen minutes early and he knew it was ridiculous, but he just wanted to make sure that you were telling the truth about being an early bird to things because you hated being tardy.

Lo and behold, you were right. Five minutes after he arrived, you came in and saw him. You went over and sat down, "You're early. What time did you get here?"

"You're early too and don't worry, I got here five minutes ago. Shall we order?"

The night was filled with joy and laughter and wholesome things. He offered to walk you home and you agreed. You really felt like Peter was the one for you. It was too early to tell and you were probably being silly, but you just knew.

Stopping in front of your door, you turned to him and said, "I had such a fun night, Peter. Thank you for this."

He smiled, "No problem. I had a fun night too."

"You're different from all the other guys who took me out because they were so boring. All of them were my first and last dates. You see, when my date takes me home and kisses me good night, if I don't hear the Philharmonic in my head, I dump him."

"Oh, I see." Peter said nervously. "D-Do you hear the Philharmonic in your head now?"

You smiled sweetly at him as you stepped closer, "Not only do I hear the Philharmonic, but I also hear Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber's orchestra going off in my head and they're all telling me that I should totally kiss you."

Peter smirked slightly before leaning in to kiss you. Needless to say, you shared a passionate kiss that night and Peter was practically skipping on the way home.

He would never forget that day. It was the most magical experience he ever had and now he fucked it all up. To be fair, you knew what you were getting into because he told you about his theory about relationships, but you thought you could do it. Then it all came crashing down on you.

Hot and heavy kisses were shared between you and Peter. It was all so heated and passionate and just thinking about him on top of you made you excited. Then Peter stopped.

"Why did you stop?" You asked, your mind still hazy from all the kissing. You never knew you could be drunk all because of someone's kisses, but there you were.

Peter sat up and said, "I stopped because we were about to have sex and remember what I said? I don't do that because it quickly ends a relationship and I don't want that to happen to us."

"But just consider this as a next step in our relationship. It'll be fine because I'll still be here!" You exclaimed.

"How am I so sure that you'll stay, hm? Every girl I've been with left me after sleeping with me. How am I so sure that you won't do the same?"

"Because I'm different!"

"That's what they all said!" Peter shouted in frustration. He ran a hand through his hair and stood up to pace back and forth. "I thought you understood the theory I told you about? I thought you agreed?!"

"I did, okay?! I agreed with you at the time because I thought I could do it, but it turns out I can't! I'm human, Peter! I have needs! This is normal!" You raised your voice, not wanting to yell at him just yet.

"Y/N, this is the reason why we work so well together! We don't need to be sexually intimate with each other! We're better off this way." Peter reasoned, but you shook your head.

"You see, all I can see are things that benefit YOU. YOU think we're better off this way! YOU think we don't need to be sexually intimate. YOU think this is why we work so well together, but what about me?"

"What about you?!" Peter was confused at this point. He didn't understand your side.

"I just wanted to enter the next step of the relationship with you!" You exasperatedly said.

"And that's sex? C'mon, Y/N!" Peter groaned.

"Yes, it is! Because that means we're comfortable with each other! It means that we're doing it not because we want to get laid, but because we love each other. We can be open to what we like and don't like and it doesn't even have to be fast and- and rough! It could be slow and steady because it'll be your first time with me and my first time with you. It's special, Peter, and you don't even want that!" You frowned as tears welled up your eyes.

Peter went over and sat in front of you, cupping your face with his hands, "We could do something else, babe. I'm sorry, okay? I just-"

"I trust you enough to take care of me when we finally have sex. Don't you trust me?"

"Of course, I trust you."

"Then, how could you do this to me? How could you deny something so natural like that?"

"Because I'm in love with you!"

"Ha! What kind of an excuse is that? That's horse shit, Pete!" You cried and pushed him away. Peter frowned, "So where does this leave us? I don't want to fight."

"I don't want to fight either, so I guess we're done." You told him. His heart dropped and shattered into a million pieces.

"Um, why?!" Peter asked. You looked at him and said, "I got all dressed up for you and I did my makeup just for you and I prepared everything just for you! I even cleaned my room extra clean just to please you and-"

"I am pleased! This is the cleanest your room has ever been!"

"-And all I wanted was to take the next step with you! That's it! Since you won't give me that, just go. I'll find someone who will." You said sadly.

"You do understand why I came up with that theory right?" Peter asked.

"Yeah, I do. You were hurt and I respect that, but hurt is always present in a relationship. You can't stop that. You're so afraid of being hurt, you're gonna end up all alone." You told him.

Peter never forgot about that night and his heart broke. After a few weeks of pitying himself, he finally got his shit together and thought of ways to get you back. He now realized where you were coming from and he couldn't blame you. You were right. You were human and you had needs.

Now, here he was in front of your door with a big bouquet of your favorite flowers and a box of your favorite donuts. He rang the doorbell and waited for you to open the door.

You opened the door and to his surprise, you were all dolled up. Seeing you like that made him panic, thinking you'd be on a date with someone else.

"Oh, hi." You said, leaning on the doorframe.

"Um... are you going somewhere? Because if you are, I'll come back tomorrow." Peter said.

You shook your head, "I just got home, actually. I went on a date."

Peter stared at you and asked, "Did you hear the Philharmonic? Or Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber?"

You could only shake your head.

"The last time I heard them is when I went out with you. You're the one for me and I know it."

This made Peter smile. Perhaps he had a shot again. "You're the one for me too!" He grinned, making you stare at him.

"What're you doing here?"

"I came to apologize." He sighed, handing you his gifts.

"Oh?" You said, taking the gifts from him, muttering a small 'thank you'.

"Yeah, I want to say sorry for being blind about your feelings. A relationship is between two people and it was unfair of me to assume you wanted the same; it was unfair of me to think that you wouldn't have urges or anything like that. I'm sorry." Peter said sincerely.

"I hope you forgive me and I hope we can start again because I can't lose you. I love you too much to lose you. You mean so much to me and I'm not letting you go without a fight." Peter said and you stared at him for a while.

"To tell you the truth, I think your theories about relationships are total bullshit." You confessed and he nodded.

"I know and that's why I'm getting rid of them. Fuck those theories! They can rot in hell for all I care. They're even scientifically accurate or something. It's based on my experience and I don't understand why I call it-"

"Peter, let me finish." You chuckled and he quickly shuts up. "I just want to be with you. That's all. And when I say that I want to be with you, I mean that I want to have ALL of you. Except for that theory thing and I'm glad you're getting rid of that."

"Can we start again?" Peter asked nervously and you nodded with a smile.

"Of course, we can. Come in and we can finish all the donuts you bought!" You laughed before walking in with Peter trailing behind you and closing the front door.

i got carried away but i had so much fun writing this!

𝐏𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @blueleatherbag @cocoamoonmalfoy @parkerpeter24 @slutforsr @givebuckyhisplumsnow @buckys-little-hoe @runawayolives @chewymoustachio @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @yourstrulyamour @beverlythrillz @juliediggory @yaya4302 @alexx-stancati @dummiesshort @spideyspeaches @angelsgrxzer @dreamy-clousds @hunnybunimdun @supred12 @more-like-reyna @caitsymichelle13 @aayaissaa @wannabemobwife @bigassnocash @repostcentral @imcalledflorence @eccedentesiastqueen

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @holland-styles @trustfundparker @alinastarkrovs @celestialholland @hufflepuffprincess24 @tommysparker @justasmisunderstoodasloki @quaksonhehe @call-me-baby-gir1 @itstaskeen @theonly1outof-a-billion @lost-in-the-stars03 @justafangirlduh @piscesparker @miraclesoflove @lexirv @blairscott @pqrkerr @blackbat2020 @hoodpankow @bi-lmg @moonchild-s-blog @itszulli @blossomhollands @prancerrparkerr

[drahtphotography]

Look at this! Eric has some words to share! Draht Photography

New Post has been published on https://www.drahtphotography.com/the-lavender-wedding-in-coldstream-sampler/

The Lavender Wedding in Coldstream Sampler

Lavender the colour, which is a very specific shade of purple. Sort of a light purple.

We begin our morning in my lovely hometown, in Vernon, BC. I’m always excited to photograph here, as we have a ridiculous amount of parks, lakes, creeks, and hiking trails. These two told me that their first date was a 12 hour hike, so it seems fitting we’d get some hiking done today!

On an especially bright Sunday afternoon, I was greeted with a gorgeous dress, and I made a new friend at the same time.

We had a 2:30 ceremony, so there wasn’t much time to waste.

Over at the venue, a little backyard in coldstream, people had arrived and they had begun to seat themselves. Backyard weddings are fun because there’s fairly personal, and there’s a lot of freedom – especially when you have a beautiful acreage in Coldstream.

The ceremony was absolutely stunning. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house. If you look closely, you can see.

It was lovely, with hand written vows, in such a personal space.

After a group photo and some family photos, we all jumped into our cars to a nearby park. The wonderful thing about Coldstream is there’s a park about every 100 feet, so we did that.

I’ll bet you’re starting to see a theme here!

And the bridal party looked incredible – they really brought the party too!

As much fun as we were having, it was time for a few photos with just this stunning bride and groom. I started out with a older style of photo – simple compositions, and stark contrasts.

Then, though, I pivoted. There’s a certain kind of photo I can only get when the conditions are just right. Today was one of those days.

And, maybe a little lavender.

Of course, we had to make our way to Kal Park as well.

Back at our backyard venue, the boys were playing frisbee, and dinner was being served. It’s no secrets that I just love candids, so I wandered around and took pictures for a bit.

A few lambs paid us a visit.

Ever resourceful, the guests made full use of the tractor.

I’m afraid this is where I’ll have to leave you today though! This is just a sampler, a little over 40 of the photos for you folks who couldn’t be there, and all the lovely guests who did make it.

There’s a lot more photos, but they’re coming in a few weeks. There’s a lot of tears, a slow first dance, cupcakes, and some pretty fun photos. Some lovely moments. If you’d like to be notified when the gallery is done and approved, click here to add your name to the list!

Until then, feel free to download these photos by long-pressing them. If you’d like to see more, and my editing adventures and stories, follow me on instagram, facebook, or tumblr!

[ohheyitsokay]

congrats you angel, you deserve all the love and praise for your writing bc holy shit you’re so talented!!! for the soulmate au celebration, i’m thinking either javi or jack (your choice bc i can’t choose) with the soulmate goose of enforcement au 💕 ik it’s a bizarre au but the potential for chaos is insane 😂 anyways ily and i hope you’re having a great day honey

...not me, having JUST reread your javi/jack fic, considering both... definitely me

Anyway, thank you, jj, you absolute gem of a human. I swear I had to turn up the fan reading this I got so flustered. I hope you have a great day too! And I hope you enjoy- I had to do a little research, and made it shorter than I wanted to, so hopefully it fills your chaos cup still!  (You'll understand, and hopefully forgive my delay when you see what's under the cut :) )

wordcount: 2.5k

warnings: strong language, lil angst with happy endings all around. mild menace meeting menace shenanigans 

Okay this is written as pt 1 Jav, pt 1 Jack, pt 2 Jav, pt 2 Jack, bonus pt 3. If you’re only in it for one of the boys, it makes reading a bit weird, but I liked the format for the whole thing. Sorry!

>>

Javier wanted to hit it with a bat. Or a car. Or anything. All that mattered is that maybe then it would leave him the fuck alone. Of all the stupid, infuriating, ridiculous guides the universe could have given him to find his other half, he was sure this was the worst. Rumor was, he couldn't even kill it if he tried.

It's not that he didn't want to find his soulmate, but he... well, he didn't want to find his soulmate.

There were all sorts of excuses to spout - work, obviously a priority, inconvenience, not wanting to give up his way of life. Not to mention following a damn goose was an impossible task, plus the fact that the stupid thing didn't even like him.

It would appear seemingly at random, honking insistently or flapping erratically, and then be gone before anyone else could bat an eye. To say that he had become increasingly irritated would have been a huge understatement.

The truth of it was that Javier was afraid. No one in the world liked to feel like they were being controlled. People liked to know what was going on, and this just didn't fit the bill. He didn't like that he didn't know you, couldn't be chosen, by you.

His life was already complicated enough - messy enough - that a soulmate would only make it worse. He had made it this long, this far without needing one, so he was fine without, thank you very much. Even to himself, his lie sounded okay.

It was hard to face, the idea that there was someone out there, a relationship that he couldn't have control over. And someone who would love him unconditionally? Terrifying.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t allowed to do nothing, because it seemed like every direction he turned there was a goose from hell wreaking havoc on his life.

They had reached an impasse - glowering at each other as it had planted itself in front of his door. Little feet pacing angrily, unreasonably long neck, all of it was just begging to be kicked. Except, for all he was a seasoned DEA agent, Javier was almost afraid the thing could go a few rounds with him. Feet shuffling uneasily, his hand twitched for his gun, even though he knew he couldn’t, wouldn’t shoot.

It was stupid to have a staring contest with a goose. And even more stupid that the goose won .

Javier turned away, spitting spanish curses in a stream that would make his mama smack him. Maybe it wasn't too late to find a hookup he could use to crash, he was thinking, and that thought was apparently the final straw. The goose reappeared in front of him.

Hissing.

More curses, a quick turn on his heel. This time, it didn't move in front of him, it left a sharp peck on his calf, before dodging his kick.

It was herding him, against his will, to you.

-

When he saw the goose, Jack thought he was delirious. The Statesman lab must've screwed something up because he'd seen that horrible, wonderful, stupid goose once before, in another life.

And he never, ever thought he'd see it again.

He did a lot of thinking, that night and the next day and the next. Strangely, he did a lot of feeling, too, noticing how light his shoulders felt, how kind the ache on his heart had become. He visited their grave, pressed his forehead to the headstone, and breathed some deep breaths.

And when he saw the goose again, he lassoed it.

It wouldn't have died even if it was powered up, but he didn't take the chance, determination and longing filling his being like blood, pumping through his heart to each and every part of him.

Miracle of miracles, it let him, with all the glare a bird could give. Knees only making small pops, Jack settled on his heels, looking at it sternly.

"Can you take me to them?"

The expression on it's tiny, smug face didn't change, but it also didn't disappear to free itself, so he waited.

And he waited. And waited. And eventually, watching it with half an eye, he grabbed a doughnut and offered it to the stupid soulmate goose god.

It considered the doughnut, pecked it as Jack yanked his fingers out of reach, and apparently accepted. After it was finished, it began to tug him along, waddling on its makeshift leash as Jack's heart leapt into his throat. He grabbed the bag of doughnuts and his hat before getting dragged along, to you.

-

At his very core, Javier was a man driven by his personal sense of justice. Being herded by an immortal goose of mischief was unfair, it made no sense that he had to find you, somehow needed more, and wasn't allowed to choose. It pecked and honked and bullied him all the way to a crowded bar, which was a perfect example. 

Just as he was thinking, trying to convince himself he would've come here on his own, it disappeared again and he sighed.

He needed a drink. And, he needed to make some of his own goddamn decisions. Defiance and determination, he told himself. Not stubbornness. There was nothing to prove, it was just defiance and determination, to take his fate into his own hands and make his own choices. And if he was going to do that, he wanted to look for someone who wasn't an informant or a one night stand. His gut was looking for someone he could pull to his side and to show the universe that the goose was right to give up on him.

You were a perfect fit. Slightly disgruntled for whatever reason, even through the crowd he could see the faint, telltale wrinkles of someone just as... determined as he was. Shoulders held the same defiance he was so proud of, and he would be lying if he wasn't physically drawn to you as well. The inconsistent lighting could make anyone look good if you wanted it enough, but you... were something else.

There was a line of pink neon reflection from the top of your ear, across your cheekbone, and just grazing the line of your upper lip as you looked thoughtfully at something he couldn't see. Javier thought he wouldn't mind tracing that path with his fingers, and then maybe his own mouth, and his feet were already carrying him to you to look for an open door. The rest of your form came into view, and Javier noticed the bass of the music was turned up a little bit more than necessary- he could feel it thumping in his bones.

Talking to you went smoother than maybe it ever had before. You seemed resigned, at first, which was a reaction that caught him off guard, and that combined with the weariness of his week, making him unusually candid. In turn, you opened up to him like a flower turning towards the sun, fun and thoughtful and refreshing. 

He liked the way you laughed when his lines came out a little awkwardly - open and appreciative, and it made his chest puff out a little. He liked the way you spoke, too. There was kindness and romance in your soul, just whispering at the edges of the words, and while he didn’t pick up on that, per se, they made him feel special, handsome, worthy, but also trusted and comfortable and safe. Neither of you noticed at first, that you had shuffled into a quiet corner of the bar, that his body had moved close, a gentle shield boxing the two of you into your own little world.

When the question came - what brought you here, anyway? - he found himself answering honestly about half being led by his guide, then wanting to make his own path. His confidence faltered at your quiet laugh. His heart ached. A glance at the clock told him it had been two hours since he'd found you, and already he wanted to... choose you. To have you choose him.

He felt stupid that he had confessed so soon, but...

Oh, you were kissing him. There were hands shooting off sparks into his soul against his chest and his jaw and you were kissing him. Javier kissed you back.

When you pulled away, his mouth chased yours, not ready to give up the contact so soon, but you stopped him, laughing again.

"I have a confession," you whispered, and he paused.

“My guide led me here, too. I thought when it gave up on me when I saw you,” your next kiss was more chaste, “I think we got tricked.” Noticing he liked the feel of you in his arms, even if he didn’t remember pulling you there, he tightened his hold.

Javier felt light, understanding your laughter, and blissfully unafraid. “No,” he said, knowing already you’d understand him. 

“I chose you.” 

- 

Jack was running out of doughnuts. It was easier, safer to have the dumb bird half hog-tied, but he still didn’t feel any closer to you, just halfway across town. He dug in his boots and sunk onto a bench, yanking the goose to a stop, too annoyed to beg for a break. 

He wasn’t giving up and running away, absolutely not, he was just... running out of options. Or, doughnuts. And breath. If this pace kept up, he wouldn’t be able to tell you all the things he had planned out in his head. 

Eyelids closing against the southern sun, he let out a long, slow sigh. His heart was still racing, and he wondered if he was really as ready as he wanted to be, to meet his next soulmate. A sturdier inhale grounded him. He was ready, he knew he was. Whoever you were, you had to have the patience of a saint - it would be alright, he just needed a breath. The ground under his boots was sturdy, the breeze over his skin cooling, and the goose was mercifully quiet. 

“That’s one strange lookin dog you have there, cowboy,” The voice was teasing, but not malicious, and he grinned, eyes still closed. 

“She’s a purebred,” he replied, and he heard a huff of laughter like the first few notes of music. Waiting for your footsteps to carry you away, he savored the moment, feeling silly as he hoped his soulmate would like to laugh as much as he did. 

There was a weight on the other side of the bench, and he wondered at it, as you said, “Want to talk about it?” His smile was softer, this time, intrigued by the moment, but not wanting to be tempted into flirting, not when his soulmate was on the horizon. 

“Nothin to tell,” he replied, feeling suddenly strange. Jack opened his eyes, looking at the rope in his hands, feeling the fibers run through his fingers. “Just a free range chicken... taking a break from tryin to chase down my second soulmate.” He winced, definitely not wanting to look at you, after the second had slipped out. 

It wasn’t judging, though, the voice that said, “You seem like you want to talk about it.”

For once in his life, Jack didn’t know what to say, slipping off his hat to run his fingers through his hair before replacing it. He heard your half-laugh again, and it felt refreshing, like sweet tea on a southern summer day. 

“Okay,” you said, and he heard amusement this time, like you had something to say, some thought you were chewing on. 

Then, there was that terrible honk of the goose, not from his feet, but from where, assumedly, you were. Snapping his gaze to the other side of his bench, he saw a sight for sore eyes, half backlit, glowing like something he never thought he’d see.

There was an indignant goose in a cage at your ankles, now making grumbling bird noises in indignant conversation with the one at the end of his lasso. 

“I thought you were never gonna look at me,” Your arm was across the back of the bench as you grinned at dynamite smile at him. 

Jack returned it, feeling bashful and eager, dropping the rope to grab your closest hand. 

“I promise I aint making that mistake again, sugar.”

-

bonus ending:

Jack was clinging to your hand, grinning like a fool as you introduced yourselves, when another movement caught his eye. There was a man, walking up behind you, a resigned look on his face. Whiskey’s hackles should have been all the way up, yanking you into his arms at the way this man was approaching you, but instead he was dumbfounded for the second time that day. 

He was backlit, too, with shoulders that carried as much weight as the man in his mirror every morning, and he could see the shape of a gun as he knelt next to his soulmate. The stranger’s eyes when they looked at you... were as adoring as he was sure his must have been, a moment before, and he was familiar with you, like you’d known each other before now. Jack wanted to swallow, but his heart felt like it was in his throat, beating like he’d gone a round with a bull at the rodeo.

“This is probably a lot,” Javier said, taking you other hand and quirking an eyebrow. The geese made some loud, obnoxious noises and he looked at them appreciatively. “I wish I had thought of that,” he gestured at the lasso, and you smiled at him. 

“This is Javier,” you said, and you let go of them both to stand up and brush yourself off. Warm hands and strong grips were exchanged, and you watched them curiously as they shook, murmuring names and titles again. They were sizing each other up, certainly, but you felt a rush of relief as you saw a familiar spark of attraction in Javi’s eyes. 

“You got any more surprises for us, then?” you looked up at the cowboy, confused, only to realize he wasn’t talking to you. The goose in your cage was free halfway down the walk, the one in the lasso hissed. The poor man had been an RV in an earthquake and come out the other side overwhelmed and happy, of all things, but there wasn’t much more he could handle. To your surprise, he grabbed a crumbled paper bag and tossed the contents to the bird, before it gave a final honk, and waddled after it’s friend. 

“I guess that’s a no,” you said, suddenly shy at the fullness in your heart. 

“That’s alright,” Jack picked up his lasso, before looking at you and Javier, his eyes happy, and glinting with something stronger. “I think this is more than enough.”

And you agreed.

<<

taglist:

@fangirl-316 @scribbledghost @writeforfandoms @beautyagegoodnesssize @princess76179

for whiskey:

@0celestialbitch0

[iwaisa]

request. trynna think of a request for u rn 🧏‍♀️ how ab tsukki w a best friend who’s so grade conscious bc ppl have high expectations of them n one day she breaks down bc she b afraid of failure n he’s like .......ok ill comfort them bc theyre my best friend but im also secretly in love w them trope😝 definitrly not because this reminds me of a certain someone who is not myself and i definitrly dont need to hear this😭 - @tsukisemi​

a/n. sue you are a GENIUS I LOVE YOU AND YOUR BIG BRAIN. i absolutely adore best friends to lovers/childhood friends to lovers tropes they make me so happy ugh once again THANK YOU

► now playing...

- pairing. tsukishima x female reader (pronouns not specifically stated, but there is ma’am lol)

- warnings. make out session! lol oops. suggestive content

- word count. 1.8k+

it was a friday evening, and you found yourself studying at kei tsukishima’s house. again. no matter how many times you tried to convince him to do other things while hanging out in the warmth of his bedroom, he always insisted that academics came before baking and movies.

the two of you have been friends since your last year of junior high, after yamaguchi was too busy looking up at his tall companion to realize another figure was about to collide with him. the two of you made contact with the ground, before jumping up to apologize quickly.

tsukishima found himself instantly infatuated with you - you were gorgeous. your breathtaking eyes, the way your school uniform seemed to fit just perfectly, the way he imagined your smaller hands and fingers slotting in between his - he was absolutely intrigued. yamaguchi would say love at first sight, the taller male would call him ridiculous.

the three of you instantly clicked, with you and yamaguchi being the more talkative ones of the trio. tsukishima acted as a parental figure, scolding you two constantly for doing things you weren’t supposed to.

upon overhearing a conversation with sensei that you would be heading to karasuno for high school - the same place tsukishima and yamaguchi were planning on going - he let out a breath he never knew he was holding in. he continued listening to sensei urging you to plan on going somewhere more academic based - like shiratorizwa or fukurōdani. you put it simply that you would rather go somewhere more balanced. sensei was hesitant before he approved of your plans.

you had always been good at doing homework and classwork, but you weren’t so good at taking tests. they intimidated you, making you worry that you would end up receiving something lower than a B+. tsukishima and yamaguchi knew of course, since the two of you held frequent study sessions at each others’ houses. this tradition carried on even when the three of you made it into karasuno, just not as frequently due to the boys’ volleyball practices.

today, however, yamaguchi was helping yachi teach kageyama and hinata english since tsukishima blatantly refused. the two of you headed back to his house, and instantly began flipping through your textbooks. he was quietly scribbling words and numbers on his papers, seemingly flying through assignments. you were sat on his bed, stuck on one section in particular.

“why the hell is ap chemistry so hard?” you sighed, scratching your scalp. tsukishima turned his head to see you rubbing your eyes, which adorned deep blue bags underneath. he sighed, putting his pencil down as he walked to sit on the edge of the bed alongside you. he looked over your shoulder, reading the complex chemical equations. “you know this one, l/n. you got it.” 

you shook your head quickly, “no, i don’t tsukki. i have no idea what i’m doing and sensei literally didn’t even teach us this. see, this is why i’m glad i didn’t end up going to an academy because this would be ten times harder. i hate that people are always assuming i can handle this with ease. i can’t.” you finished, blinking back tears.

tsukishima sighed, rubbing his eyes underneath his glasses before readjusting them to focus on the question. he began rubbing his finger over the numbers, slowly explaining each process. you were surprised he was being kind, but you didn’t want to take this soft moment for granted. you simply nodded your head, hurriedly scribbling down what he was saying in your notebook.

“tell you what,” he turned, looking into your eyes. “if you can do these next four questions by yourself, i’ll give you something i’ve been meaning to for a while.” you tilted your head, “tsukki, my birthday was months ago.” he chuckled, getting up to sit in his chair, which was now facing you. “i’m aware.” the two of you stared at each other for a while, before you turned your attention back to your textbook.

using tsukishima’s explanations and whatever strategies you learned from sensei, you flew through two of the questions with ease, getting stuck on the third one. tsukishima explained once more, telling you to use a different equation for the next two. you nodded, finally understanding.

the next two questions were hard to figure out, but you finally got through them. you placed your pencil in between the crease of the pages, looking up to tsukisima expectedly. when he didn’t move, you were confused. did he just trick you into doing homework?

tsukishima gulped, attempting to calm his erratic heart and shaky legs. was he ready for this? no, he wasn’t. but even as yamaguchi said; he’s been putting this off for long enough. he knew he liked you, but had no idea just what to do about it. he knew he would be jeopardizing your friendship in some way, but tsukishima couldn’t deny that he wanted some sort of affectionate skinship to happen between the two of you.

he released his lower lip from his teeth before shaking his head. he stood up, walking towards you with slight hesitation. he plopped himself next to you, your shoulders brushing against each other. tsukishima lifted his glasses off his nose before leaning forward, pressing a quick peck to your lips.

your mouth fell open, and your eyes widened more than you believed they ever could. your face exploded with heat, and you began spewing out incoherent words. he stood up, returning to his seat. “tsukki?” you asked in disbelief. “yes?” he responded, seemingly unphased. “w-what was that?” he watched you run your middle and forefinger over your lips, “my gift.” your jaw dropped open once more, earning a rare chuckle from your blond friend. or maybe, not a friend anymore.

“if you finish the next four questions, i’ll give you another one. if you want,” his last words were muffled by the back of his hand. you smiled at the sight; tsukishima, the most stoic boy you’ve ever met, was embarrassed. nonetheless, you were going to earn another kiss from your friend, not to mention the boy you’ve been in love with for the past two years.

you were quick to pick up your pencil, reading the questions as quickly as possible. “and don’t rush either, idiot,” tsukishima jested. you stuck your tongue out at him, feeling your heart flutter as he let out a soft chuckle.

you made sure to complete each question thoroughly, wondering if you would get extra points for doing more work. tsukishima stood over your figure, eyes scanning over each question. he pointed at one, “the equation was right, but check your calculations again.” you sighed, turning back to the book. 

tsukishima bent over, pressing a light kiss atop your head, making you jolt in surprise. he staggered back holding his chin, and you stood up waving your hands frantically. he held his hand up to stop your word-vomit, letting a light chuckle escape his lips.

you pressed your lips in a line, sitting back down. you began calculating the equation once more, finally coming up with the right answer. “there you go. see? you only have four questions left now.” you lifted your chin expectedly, watching him squat in front of you. you pursed your lips as he began to lean in, pressing teasing kisses to both of your cheeks. you groaned in annoyance, before sandwiching his face in between your palms. “stop teasing,” you muttered sternly. “yes ma’am,” he joked, finally closing the distance between you two.

this kiss was a tad bit more passionate, the two of you moving your lips together excitedly. it would’ve been a make out session, if tsukishima had not pulled away with a grin. “last four questions.” he smirked at you before standing up, returning to his chair once more.

these questions were possibly the worst. there were multiple equations in each separate question, and it left you wondering why someone would ever want to major in chemistry. tsukishima watched your face contort into borderline anger, your lower lip between your teeth. he swiftly stood up, placing himself next to you on the bed. he reached his arm around you, rubbing circles into your lower back as you continued writing the wrong equations.

“here,” he spoke up finally, removing the pencil from your grasp. he began writing in a clear fashion which numbers were to be plugged in where, and it finally clicked for you. he glanced at your profile, watching your mouth fall open. he smiled to himself as he watched you solve the equations with ease, his hand never leaving your back.

you finally finished, looking up at the blond with long-awaited anticipation. “you’re eager,” he whispered, his eyes becoming soft. his gaze flickered between yours and your plush lips - the one’s he’s been waiting to feel on his for so long. and the feeling wasn’t disappointing. they felt amazing, and he was on cloud nine. a little voice that sounded like yamaguchi resonated in tsukishima’s head saying, “finally.”

the two of you began moving forward at a slow pace, until you gripped onto his shirt pulling him into you to finally close the gap. this kiss was definitely not like the last ones. this one was ferocious; two pining friends finally earning exactly what they’ve been patiently waiting for. 

tsukishima’s right hand made its way to your hip, prompting you to lay down. he hovered over you, not once pulling away. your tongue brushed against the seam of his lips, and he eagerly allowed your tongue to meet his. your hands began roaming, feeling tsukishima’s pecs. they slowly moved down to his abs, which were rock-solid, much to your surprise.

you gasped as he pulled away to press open-mouthed kisses on your jawline, moving down to your neck. your hands gripped his hair as he sucked on a particular spot that elicited a whine from your throat.

he pulled away, looking down at you with golden irises filled with lust. his gaze fell on the newly formed red spot on your neck, and he sat up pushing his glasses back to rest on the bridge of his nose. “sorry about that,” he whispered, his voice filled with nerves. “don’t be. i liked it,” you smiled, watching his gaze soften for the umpteenth time that day.

“do you like me?” he asked hesitantly. you paused, your eyebrows furrowing in mock confusion. “you know, for one of the smartest in the class, you’re pretty dumb.” he opened his mouth to protest, before you sat up to give him a quick kiss. “yes, i like you.”

his arms wrapped around your waist, pushing you back down onto his bed. “can we cuddle,” he said it as more of a statement than a question. you chuckled, wrapping your arms around his back. “can you be my boyfriend,” you pretend to mock, causing his head to snap up. he nodded hastily before burrowing his face into your chest once more. 

“i love you,” he said, his words muffled by your shirt. “i love you too, kei.” you smiled as you ran your hands through his golden locks, hearing a content sigh escape his lips.