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heavenknowsffs · 1 year

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#being an alcoholic is not easy #i am literally alone in a bar with only men #in a bar more like my bar #but the guy in charge i have a crush on him and he's not very sober #he's going to leave this shit like it is rn #and i wanna be like bro lets at least swipe this up bc we should not be smoking inside and there's ashes everywhere #anyway my ride home just left #so idk i'm walking i guess #dw tho bc i an home ❤️ in my village #so all's good

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solidwater05 · 9 months

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Hyperfocus messed with my time perception so bad omg

Have you ever experienced non-linear time? Like half an hour went by in half a minute and then it stopped. Entirely. Logically I know that it's been around 15 minutes, but I can't even say that it felt like forever because it didn't feel like ANYTHING [PT: anything. /End PT]. It's been hours but not the 60 minute kind of hours y'know? It's been a while. Not really

#neurodivergent #adhd #ice speaks #aka keter reads 3001 and spends the rest of the day rambling like scranton #I'm not exaggerating btw. just. completely turned off my time perception and i couldn't ground myself #so i walked in circles and it felt like there was nobody there even though it was more crowded than usual #weird shit #also where the fuck are all my friends. you could tell me they died of old age and I'd almost believe you #feels like i was gone for a while (<- i spent an hour reading)#ask to tag #i fucking guess idk I'm still not grounded ahhh

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alsojnpie · 4 months

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hey. um. i love him

#O_O i really love him #it's getting warmer every day and i can't draw him in a sweater for much longer #by the way. is this site going to. yknow. die #sigh........i kept telling myself I'd get better at it one day #kind of like the way i tell myself i can get together courage to speak up but i never do #using another website just sounds so depressing #im not good at social media. im tired of pretending like i can get good at it #but you can't even pretend like you can jump into a conversation if no one is having a conversation #i wanted to be part of a community here but i never could figure out what belonging looked like or how i could do it #and maybe it's my fundamental misunderstanding of that that prevents it but how can i understand it without experience #I'm so jealous of everyone who looks like they achieved what i couldn't even put my finger on. but since i didn't even understand it #i can't even be sure what exactly im jealous of #the other day i walked past a trio of friends and they had their arms around each other and were laughing as they walked #and i felt really strongly that even though I've always wanted a friend like that I'm actually fundamentally incompatible with that.#there's several reasons #but it made me feel really sad. but it made me feel a little better too. i guess it's really not my fault. maybe. i don't really know #in that moment it felt very much like something that was not my fault. and it was nice and sad at the same time #idk what's going to happen here. but one thing i know for sure is that i can have a happy tomorrow. no matter what #no matter what i have to give up on. i can find joy in other things. even in myself #and if there's one idea that he is about. it's that one

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running-in-the-dark · 1 day

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I have officially started painting the walls in the living room.

well, I've mixed/adjusted the paint and painted some swatches and put up masking tape and all that stuff. I'll be painting tomorrow. I'm so excited (to get started, but mostly that I'll finally be all done with evvvverything*)

*until I think of the next thing I want to do, and the next one after that, and -

#I'm just so damn happy I actually managed to get everything else done today!! the living room was a mess before #well it's even worse right now but that's because all the furniture is in the middle of the room lol #but yeah I finished unpacking almost everything (there's still a few boxes with like old memory stuff etc. in the storage room but that #doesn't count because we don't use or need that stuff)#and I cleaned and I did the laundry and I put away (some) clean laundry and I blocked most of the bunting for the birthday garland I'm #making and I tidied everything and I fixed a bunch of things and #okay I think that's all #but hey that's kind of a lot?#idk but it definitely is for me #I think I sat down for maaaybe an hour or two the entire day?? that's. actually concerning and it explains the pain in my feet oh no #sometimes when I'm walking (not standing) I don't notice the pain until it's too late...#well shit I hope I'll be able to actually paint tomorrow lol. guess I'll have to sit down for some of it but I did that last time too and it #was alright #personal

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coulsonlives · 10 months

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Omg, Dante Basco ships Zutara! My life is complete.

#EDIT: taking this from the zutara tag and locking bc some of y'all are NOT it.#this was never supposed to be a 'gotcha! see i told you your ships suck and mine rule! i have the VOICE ACTOR on my side!' post #i like most of the ships in this show. i'm just happy to learn at least one of the voice actors even ships something #like the amount of ppl who reblogged this to shit on other ships when i also ship those things.. i'm right here..#have some common courtesy please i beg. because why are we acting like if you ship or post about zutara you have no other atla ships #and that you hate all those other ships #icb i just walked into all of that #ALSO apparently azula is totally irredeemable i guess? i didn't get that impression at ALL #she's a groomed child with clear mental health problems and idk if i can get behind her being irredeemable #doesn't have to be forgiveness but cmon. why are people so pressed about her coming to terms w her actions and finding adequate peace #can we just enjoy the show and not rip each other apart #anyways here are the og tags:#i'm watching the lwatla series with him #every time there's a kataang moment he says 'kataang!' too in a knowing way lol he knows all the ships before he's even seen the show #it's so funny #aang #katara #atla #atla aang #atla katara #avatar the last airbender #dante basco #shipping

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caimitos · 26 days

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saw a post about projecting your ethnicity onto a character and started missing vespa ilkay. so so bad

#pov u grow up in a 3rd world country(/planet) where healthcare workers are exported by the thousands like cheap produce to richer countries #it's your ticket out of poverty as long as you can deal with the loneliness the separation from everyone you know the discrimination etc #ive never talked about my hc that vespas mother was one of them sending money every month visiting every couple of years until it just stop #like why return to the swamps when youre doing fine working on a richer planet w much better living conditions #cost of living rises every year. sending home a % of your salary used to be enough to support your husband and daughter and then it isnt #you know how it goes #vespa is also dead set on this path until ranga realizes that hemorrhaging healthcare workers leaves them with little to none of their own #students on scholarships or in community/state universities are bound by return service agreements and are forbidden to leave the country #until theyve rendered a few years of work on ranga to pay back their tuition + as a really shitty solution to the brain drain problem #this is real in my country btw but my professors say a lot of ppl do break their rsa's and fucked off to work in other countries LOL #our state unis can barely afford decent facilities they do nottt have the budget to chase down their own alumni in other countries!#but the mental image is a bit funny #vespa ilkays first crime: tinakasan ang rsa #i do also think it lines up with her having a network of med friends everywhere in the galaxy (heart of it all) you kind of go into pre/med #expecting most of your classmates to leave to work in other countries eventually. mine are aiming for the usa / uae / europe / japan etc #anyway whether vespa breaks her rsa or not she leaves ranga asap decides to switch careers and the rest is history #i also deeply love the fact that she's superstitious i'm very sad it wasn't highlighted more (i've only heard s1-3)#as someone who did grow up in a rural area and went to more albularyos/folk healers than doctors in my childhood. (they never failed me)#lots of folk illnesses (ex. balis; pasma) local medical superstitions (dont eat noodles in hospital; youll have a really toxic shift) etcc #theres also a lot of potential in tying her past as a rangian + med student + assassin to me idk how to word this properly #being raised on cautionary tales of not to touch/disturb anything in the swamps then being given free reign to poke & prod at things in her #lab classes (now with the proper ppe)....she was having so much fun with the curemother prime too lmao #years of walking hanging bridges docks boathouses in ranga etc gave her great balance & stealth #cracking open alien shellfish in the swamps to cutting open bodies for studying then for assassination....#I MISS HER SO MUCH BALIK KN SAKEN 😭😭😭😭😭😭#i get why most people + the canon focuses on her being an assassin bc people find that cooler i guess #but vespa being a swamp girl > 3rd world med student > assassin is so personal To Me. the whole pipeline. eugh.#skl.txt

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devilsskettle · 3 months

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i hate that this website has location based ads now like it's one thing to promote the local grocery store chain to me but i am seeing ads for my workplace now :/

#stop it......#i don't want to go back but this is the last sick day i can reasonably take #i probably should've gone back today but i told them when i was still feeling worse that i wasn't coming in.......#ohhhh i dread going in tomorrow so much. i don't even dislike this job i just hate being somewhere everyday #each day feeling its meaninglessness...... my meaninglessness in the space.......... the repetition and redundancy #selling people who don't need to be there things that they don't need #standing all day long just fucking bored #hoping that enough has happened since i've been gone that people can fill me in #ugggh because it's soooo boring but stressful to have to generate conversation with the same people every day #when nothing new ever happens #and i get sick of everybody even the people that i like and i don't really think anybody likes me that much either #i guess i felt this when i worked there part time but because i only had to be there part time it wasn't this constant gnawing feeling #and they didn't have me in the shop all the time....... this schedule is fucking killing me #i walk there i stand all day and i walk home #that's one of the reasons i haven't come back in yet - i was so dizzy and nauseous that the idea of standing all day was like.#i obviously can't fucking do that even if i would otherwise feel well enough to come in #if i had a sitting job then it wouldn't matter if i was a little dizzy #but getting back and forth to work and then standing for 8 hours. even when i'm feeling well it's kind of a lot #idk i guess i'm pretty unhappy with this job and where i am in life etc but i can't quit rn because what else would i do #there's literally job of this type that is going to pay as well and have good benefits #and i'm not qualified yet for the type of work i hope to do in the future #so i just gotta wait it out but it feels like. endless.#sigh anyway i'm just lazy lol #all this is to say. stop putting ads for my workplace on my dash lol i don't need to see all that

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swinging-stars-from-satellites · 10 months

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no because it's "buried alive inside my dreams but it was all a fake-out". there's a BUT! like they were imagining it. they thought they were stuck behind a window, buried alive inside dreams they can't reach in futures that never came and pasts that can't be changed, BUT!!! but it was all a fake-out. it was all in their heads. they weren't really trapped and buried after all!!

#he didn't have to break the window #just open it. didn't have to dig himself out of a grave of dreams #just had to walk into them.#idk do you get what I'm saying?#I'd be kind of interested to see a comparison of every time the words ''love'' and ''dream/s'' are used in smfs #bc I feel like it's a LOT. I need to make a spreadsheet or smth #Lu rambles #fob #fall out boy #meta finding tag #I get that there can be a gap between the writer and the narrator of a song for lack of better terminology I guess #but like I think maybe it isn't just words from pete this time. I think maybe it's all of them #the way I see it fake out is their little ramble about their band as a whole. it's about themselves.#the window was already broken they just had to climb out 🥹#so much (for) stardust

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bejeweledmp3 · 4 months

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WHYYYY DID I LEAVE THE HARDEST SCENE OF THE ENTIRE CHAPTER FOR LAST. WHYY

#talking tag;#totp tag;#i have no joke no exaggeration 15k words written for ch3 and yet i'm still scared about the scene i have to write now #it's literally that and then a convo and then bam! it's over! editing and betaing and it goes out #but i just. godddd i had to go for a walk yesterday just to be like ''ok i think this is the tone i want'' LIKE HELLO??????#i am so. terrified of this chapter not being good you have no idea like #so much happens on it and i'm scared of having lost it idk idk #we'll see i guess!!

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whiskeyswifty · 9 months

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#this is such a niche gripe i guess idk its why it's in the tags #but i really get so annoyed by how a lot of this fandom acts like they know everything about her especially like where she goes #and what she does in her free time because they think they KNOW about everything but #all you know is what she chooses to show you like specifically paps like...... she calls them. all celebs do. 99.999999% of the time #these days it's how that industry works which i KNOW for a fact but like don't take my word for it if you don't believe me fine #but it's how it is and i can tell you that from professional experience but also like #the amount of friends and people i know who've seen her places all over the city for YEARS now #and there are no pap photos of her in those places nor did anyone know she went to that building/restaurant/bar/event #there are a feeeeeew places in the city which are celeb hotspots and the paps might skulk around there but that's cuz #they are known spots for that and waiters and staff tip them off for profit shares #like i know someone who saw her literally last night at a restaurant #there are no photos of her there and no paps outside #like if you think she doesn't leave the house or go somewhere without you knowing cuz you think she's papped everywhere...#thats just simply not true lol couldn't be FURTHER from true #she goes so many places and does so many things that you just don't know about. it's VERY easy to live a private life in the city #EVEN THIS WEEK she's gone more places than you've seen her getting papped at cuz i know people who've seen her!#i can't tell you the amount of famous people i've come across in these situations and the press and social media were none the wiser #people i've sat next to at a crowded brunch counter or people walking their dog or taking their kid for a bike ride like.... ALL THE TIME #famous people love new york cuz new yorkers don't bother them and they can live in relative obscurity #idk what i'm getting at i guess this weirdness like I AM GONNA SHUT DOWN ANYTHING THAT I DONT HAVE PROOF OF #is so deranged to me because...... you only have ~proof~ of like 10% of her life #so the other 90% of it didn't happen cuz.... you a blogger on the internet don't have photographic evidence of it????#IS THAT NOT THE MOST INSANE THING TO SAY????#idk really weird that people just think they know her and shut down any one who poses something that doesn't fit into their #frankensteined version of her that they made out of a bunch of paparazzi photos and flight trackers and deuxmoi posts taped together #as if THATS somehow MORE sane and a more realized person #idk if i'm making sense i'm annoyed whatever whatEVERRRRR

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heavenknowsffs · 6 months

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my phone gets drunk at least once a month (gets drenched in beer by accident and stops working for 1 to 2 days) which is incresibly inconvenient but also nice because i can disconnect from social media for a whole ass day!

#except one time a drop of water fell on it and it stopped working as i was leaving work #and i was going to meet my friend in the big plaza in the city #and i literally left work and couldn't call her or do anything at all with my phone #she called me and i couldn't take the call #and so i just walked around the plaza looking for her #and then miraculously found her somehow and like i couldn't even uber home or anything #now i'm using my old phone #but idk if he will be fine this time... pray for me #like it's been 1 day in rice and nothing #just so you understand the phone is fine #simply the screen touch doesn't work #i think it's a safety measure from samsung cuz the old one caught water in the camera and it didn't open #untjl after it fully dried the phone wouldn't open the camera #so i guess it has some kind of sensor to know if it's wet inside and not let you use it so it doesn't break for real bc of heating and stuff #but idk i hope he becomes ok bc i don't have money for a new phone nor a screen repair

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gibbearish · 5 months

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I've put this in the tags of a previous reblog but feel like it deserves its own post so PSA to tall people: your short friends likely have shorter legs than you and therefore physically can't walk as fast as you without exerting way more effort, they're not going slow on purpose or exaggerating/joking when they say they're more tired than you after an outing. your casual stroll is a speedwalk for them and doing that for extended periods of time is exhausting. also you will lose them in crowds way less if you make a conscious effort to match their pace rather than just assuming theyll keep up

#ive never fully understood how people accidentally leave walking companions behind without noticing #like even when we're not talking i can still hear you Moving Around next to me and like. want to stay near you? so i automatically #am checking every few seconds that youre still nearby and im not leaving you behind #and idk i guess thats such an ingrained part of me that i just. dont get how other people dont #my bf i get bc hes deaf on one side so he has no directional hearing to track me with #but even then I'm like. bro i am 15 feet behind you and it took me a While to get this far back #he be like tunnel visions thinking about playing city skylines when we get home KWNFLJWBFANFKSJ #thats /lh he only did it for a little while and got way better about compensating for my walkspeed since #i think i only had to point it out maaaaybe 5 times before it stopped coming up

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stinkbeck · 12 days

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nothing more relaxing than like acting out a play in my room alone

#idk what it is about walking around in someone else's trauma for a little while but it just takes the pressure out #maybe it's bc it's easy 2 get a handle on it bc it hasn't happened 2 you. it gives u a sense of detached mastery that you don't have #over your own life #like you're analyzing + focused on convincing in your portrayal of something. + u can also change the performance to make it #more believable or impactful too. there's that control over the words‚ the implied experiences‚ and then also the superficial thoughts #that war with the words + give a sense of direction #it's like... so freeing to be able to control all those things in someone else's trauma #cause like when awful things are happening in my life i can't change my point of view. i'm stuck with the thoughts that i have #+ the sympathies that i have + the shame i have + if something really important to me goes wrong then i can't control what i think #or feel. no matter how hard i try the outcome can't change. but acting like someone else + piecing their emotions together #just gives me back that sense of control.#i've been walking around for a while afraid that everyone could see my surface-level thoughts on my face + that they were being #misinterpreted. proving to myself that i can control those thoughts is good on one hand + bad on the other where i then #lose confidence in my authentic self's ability to walk around in the world. i guess i'll have 2 think about it some more.#i was figuring things out a bit in my own way. i think i'd still prefer that lol.#also when i think about my worst moments‚ they're rough for years because i wasn't able to be authentic at all. and all that was #punished in ways that were traumatic. i don't really want these bad moments to define my life so maybe it's better to just take these #experiences on the chin + let the terror inside of me exist‚ palatable or not

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prosecutor-steele · 1 year

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"Having to wear glasses/contacts is a disability"

Me, having worn glasses since idk kindergarten: No....

#I don't think anyone has ever believed I was someone with a disability?#like it's a disgusting privilege that I'm able to get an accommodation for my eyes ie glasses while other people with disabilities have to #jump through hoops to even get considered for assistance #maybe that's why I don't find it as a disability? I don't know #glasses and even contacts are so insanely available #it's the dumbest privilege imo #'oh you can't see? have help with that!' /glasses #'oh you can't walk? uuhhh... man idk lmao uuhhh suffer I guess!' /no ramps or wheelchairs or canes or walkers or anything just suffer ♥#fix this shit government

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archaictunic · 1 year

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i don't ship gan.on/li.nk. gano.n and link could be like two bucks who died fighting one another, entangled in each other's antlers. y'know? give me THAT sort of dynamic.

#╰ △ ╮❝ ᴀ sᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇ sᴏᴜɴᴅ ⋰ 「 ooc . 」 ⋆#like the poetry of being stuck together. the poetry of being inseparable. the inherent nature of being connected without end #the fact that no matter how hard you try. one of you will walk away #and the other will be dragged limply behind.#and eventually. the weight of that extra body. the effort of moving your victory. will bring you to your end.#and they do this. over and over and over again.#it doesn't matter who wins. who survives. they will keep circling this drain forever without teetering over the edge #or maybe not idk !! ♥ i'm about to go play more totk so i'm just bubblybrained #death /#animal death /#i guess?

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pinolitas · 2 months

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Orville peck on tour but if I've learned anything about gays and this specific venue it's that I am not gonna see SHIT

#have I told the crj story?? I'm gonna tell it again #my friends who said they'd go canceled on me #and I got high as shit cus I was going alone #and the edible immediately won I had to get off the bus and get a donut so I could stop breathing on manual #I was already late to the show #I missed the opener #and I love empress of #anyways I get there and it's just tall white men as far as the eye can see #I've literally never seen this venue so packed people standing all the way up against the bar #and this is the largest non stadium venue #I start chugging waters cus I cannot let this edible beat my ass like this #I am wearing a mock neck idk why I wanted to be stylish #she finally plays call me maybe and like a fraction of people leave but it's not enough I still cannot see shit #I cannot see the stage at ALLL #she plays my fav song and decide I'm leaving #no signal in this bitch so I have to walk all the way outside to call my friend to pick me up #it's so fucking cold and all I got is a denim jacket and my friend is like 20 minutes out so I just walk west while she drives north #I guess that's the edn of the story it might have been lightly raining but I think it only rained the way there #I spent like 30 minutes at that concert max cus I got so fucking paranoid with that edible #sorry guysss I am not a sativa girl that shit scares mee

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